#idk what was going thru my head
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feanger redraw from 4 years ago or sumn
#inside out#inside out 2#my art#inside out fear#inside out anger#anger x fear#feanger#doodles#inside out fandom#inside out fanart#shitpost#idk what was going thru my head#dont ask 😭 /lh
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downloaded flipaclip again and found this animation from middle school😭
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good morning sifloop nation
#loop is so fucking hard to draw bc I can never tell how I can center the face on their cookie cutter as head#its literally just a pair of eyes and yet it fucks with me every time 😭#idk what came over me bc suddenly im imagining these two freaks in the funniest scenarios for my own pleasure#im not even halfway thru the game yet im still on act 2 bc I havent been able to play it in a while#genuinely though I am curious as to how ppl would go about describing how u would kiss loop. this isnt even a jab at anyone#in fact I admire whoever pushed their imagination to the limits to find a way to make loop kissable in ways science cannot explain#and other fun activities#I think itd be funny for them to do 7 minutes in heaven bc normally 2 ppl go in to smooch or whatever in the closet#in their case two of them go in but only one of them comes out alive. bc theyre like that#are they fighting or are they fucking. the answer is up to you#sifloop#myart#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat fanart#isat loop#isat Siffrin#Siffrin#loop#doodles#shitpost
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#i like qhen his eyes are brown...#a doodley#delete later bc i Know this is a bad drawing like i can tell even though i like it ykwim#thats what i meant by my last post. like i dont have my fundamentals down actually. idk how to draw anything#so i know thsi is going to be so hideous like next week#bc i was stumbling thru all of it...i struggle so much with 3D planes....!#i wanna learn to do 3D modeling solely so its easier to imagine oc heads at angles
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ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think
#alien stage#ramble#idk#till alien stage#as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it#till era would be so fucking fun#especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?)#random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple#idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally#cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs#i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately#tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what#honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is#till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now#no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily#i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment#cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before#while handling the mizi desth thing#that he assumed was happening#if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive#knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt#and knowing he has a way out of the cage#because its a triple whammy#i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things#and what sort of person the revelations will make him become#also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now
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symas doodles but i make my style more simplified
#theyre drying their clothes after a mission#idk whats going thru my head rn#symas#syzoth fanart#tomas vrbada fanart#mk1 smoke#mk syzoth#mk1 fanart#mortal kombat fanart#mortal kombat#just laz things#tw blood#but it aint their blood thank goodness
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🥴
#hate how there’s no way to talk about (ie complain sorry) having a large following without sounding like a Bitch w a humongous head#like I can’t say anything about how I don’t like it without sounding ungrateful (?) or sounding self important#like who tf am I to think anything I do or say matters to anyone one a broader scale just bc I have some followers on a silly website?#I myself agree b*tch I’m just some girl!!!! but another faction of my followers think I’m incredibly important somehow#and they go thru everything I say/rb with a fine toothed comb. or read a lot into what I DONT say but apparently should have..?#it’s exhausting I’m sorry lmfao I can’t imagine how draining it would be if I had anon on still#it’s even big headed to acknowledge I have a large following. like yeah I do. it just kinda happened sorry#I don’t REGRET it in fact I like it quite often but just in little spurts#but idk what I’m saying is there’s a feeling of pressure to make public my thoughts and feelings that I hate
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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Some art of Tori from @misfitmccoward ‘s Naruto fic Plasticity! Because!! It’s such a good fucking fic…! I had to do fanart for it!! honestly after I first read it I was so fucking hype about it that I was almost like “omg.. I have to do an animatic or something for this. it’s SO GOOD” but. My ability to do animatics has kinda flushed down the drain recently ghghg- But! Still!! I had to at least draw some fanart for it…!
#sorry if I got any details wrong! it’s been a few months since I read the fic!#I mean. I originally drew this right after first reading it. but! I only finished them now so. I might have screwed something up ggh-#but yeah! YEAH! OMG! I FUCKING LOVE THIS FIC!?!?!?!?#ITS SO GOOD!?!?#LIKE. ughghghggh. idk. I read it while still pretty deep in my head about awful life stuff#and just. reading Tori. going thru absolute HELL. was like. cathartic?? like my life. is not even a fraction of the shitshow hers is#but! JUST! STILL! like.. the way she responds to stuff… the delayed reactions. the attempts to just roll w the punches.#the fACT ALL OF HER POSSESSIONS ARE LIKE. MEANINGFUL AND IMPORTANT TO HER.#like that’s! a small detail in the grand scheme of the fic but the fact that sort of thing is commented on at all is like! FUCK.#I GET IT TORI I FUCKING GET IT#AND ITS SO FUN!!! like yeah shit is awful for tori basically ALL THE TIME. but it’s not! a downer to read! its fucking fun as hell to read!#the interactions between all the characters are SO GOOD! and entertaining!! literally EVERYTHING in this fic is a fucking delight!!!#and it’s like! ITS SO GOOD AT GETTING U TO ROOT FOR TORI! like!!!#yea I recognize Tori has slowly crossed all her moral and ethical lines and become. like. pretty fucked up.#but like! seeing that shift. coincide w the slow shift. towards everything in her life becoming NOT completely horrible#it’s just like!!! yes! girl! do what u gotta do! become a monster! get some happiness in ur life!#like it’s like… I love it so much. its such a fucking good fic. it’s sO FUN. I cannot overstate. how fun this fic is.#and Tori’s such an endearing character!! and everyone else is really likeable and well written too!#lIKE. IDK. ITS JUST A GREAT FIC DUDES. ITS GREAT#doodles#plasticity#blood#tori mendoza#also. the song that I was thinking of using for the animatic was gonna be ‘stupid intruders’#cuz I heard it and immediately was just like. OMG. THIS FITS THE VIBES SO WELL. like. it just felt very fitting ghgh#also also! Srry for misspelling ‘obviously’ in the first pic.. spelling is hard ghg-#but!! yeah!! have some art. of Tori! cuz I love her! and I love this fic!!#featuring 2 diff pics of her absolutely covered in blood from the 1st chapter! cuz. that was iconic…#and also I felt I didn’t properly convey the like. drowned rat energy the first time gGHG-#god ok I’m running out of tags now. U SHOULD READ THIS FIC IF U WANT ITS RLLY GOOD. highly recommend! it’s fucking great!
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Take some old ass art, uhhhhhhh I took photos of my puter cuz I got lazy lmao
They're all mermaids btw 😭😭
#epithet erased#art#ee#artists on tumblr#epithet erased prison of plastic#Mermaid au???#idk what was going thru my head when i drew these tbh#giovanni potage#ramsey murdoch#percy king
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Ok i feel like i don’t explain the valentine lore enough so here it is.
THE Valentine-056 post!
She was born on November 1st, 2510 (Age 50 as of the year halo infinite takes place) on the planet Jericho VII. She was kidnapped by ONI and placed into the Spartan 2 when she was 7. She’s 7’ft 2” (218.44 cm) outside the armor and 7’5” (226.06 cm) inside the armor.
She’s been in many battles, including the battle against the Insurrection group Freedom League who had set up resistance on her homeplanet, which at the time the visit was…bittersweet. During the fall of Reach, she was with the Red team splinter group Team Delta as they secured CASTLE base. She helped with Operation First Strike, after Master Chief returned to Reach to find any survivors. After that, she returned to Earth to help fight off the Covenant invasion. During the invasion of Earth she was sent to Sydney, Australia to help fight covenant forces and to keep important members of the UEG. She was almost sent to Africa, until they started glassing it. Post Covenant war, she is in charge of a Fireteam working with ONI sector 3 Beta-3 division and Delta-6 division to find and recover alien technologies and occasionally capture of eliminate important targets. Her team , Fireteam Vaquero consists of her, a Swords of Sanghelios member named Rusa ‘Sura, a Spartan IV named Oscar Meer, a Spartan III Gamma Named Esmeralda Miro, A pilot Named Lee Brady and his ship’s smart AI Frank (FRK-1259-4), and the teams medic & xenobiologist Anya Fung. While on a mission to recover old covenant technologies, she found a Huragok named Lingers Above, which has become an unofficial member of her team as well, refusing the leave her side for long when she’s not in a mission.
As she’s began the interact with more people outside of a very stressful war zone she’s realized how strange and unhealthy some of her upbringing was. Not the full extent of it all, but a degree of it. The reason why she wears all her piercings is as a small form of self representation and to help her form a bit of identity outside being a Spartan, she’s experimented with different piercings and haircuts before, including dyeing her hair which went gray early as a result of both stress and family genetics(she started going gray around 25). She is a gay man, and after the war had toyed around with the idea of a relationship, but unlimitedly decided herself too busy and too inexperienced, the only relationship she had was a short unnamed fling with Jorge-052, a few years before he died on reach, she still silently mourns for him.
While not a natural born leader, through the Spartan II training and Human-Covenant war she was taught how to assume that position. She has the outward disposition of a cool and collected head but be riled up somewhat easily compared to other Spartans. She’s very stubborn and has a strong will but has begrudgingly learned how to be flexible, no matter how much it may annoy her. A trait she has that sets her apart from the other Spartan II is the frequency in which she takes off her helmet and how much she talks, she uses that to help bond with her teammates. She doesn’t really care about how the people at ONI perceive her, but to the UNSC personnel she works with and alongside, she doesn’t want to be seen as just a large killing machine. The weapon she has the most interest in using during something like a wargame is the Gravity Hammer, but the weapon she ends up using the most is the DMR.
#halo#halo oc#valentine-056#my ocs#idk what else I have to say my head hurts rly bad atm soooo take this?#be niceys to me abt this im nervous . the intimacy of ocs ok? also if the lore isn’t 100% right idc ok i spent too long going thru halopedia
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axolotl
#covers my face. this is dumb theyre dumb idk what was going thru my mind making this.h#i like this brush tho i think ill keep using it#i had this thought awhile ago that axolotls kind of remind me of macs ears. and i had a nice thought that if wukong ever saw one#he'd say the same thing. and thats why im sitting here with my head in my hands#macaque doesnt know if hes embarassed amused or straight up smitten. its all 3#i have such a hard time drawing necks and shoulders.. mac is supposed to kind of hunch up his shoulders#the way some ppl do when they bow their neck down kind oflike. defensive-tucking in position when theyre making themselves small#i cant really get it to look right so it kinda looks like his head is sunken too close to his shoulders. so i guess ill keep practising#maybe if i brought his head closer to the collarbone it will look better. but i struggle with foreshortening so theres a chance itll#just look like his neck starts at the collar. ughhh#god have mercy if i ever draw hugs. i hate positioning the shoulder i hate hate hate it. 10 dead 17 injured#i have new design note ideas for em but ill post another time#myart#doodles#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#shadowpeach#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#lmk macaque#lmk six eared macaque#lmk liu er mihou
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º_º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
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There really is no getting to these people why am I even on this website lmfao
#people are so far down the jew hate rabbit hole its just gross#and the people who refuse to see how trump is NOT in any way equal to Harris is just#wtf is wrong w you people#anyways im tired of these fucking morons honestly lmfao#im just going to focus on doing my part to help others and ride whatever tide this is heading thru#because people are so radicalized these days its fucking sickening#and i feel like everyone always rags on about things getting worse but#i feel like it really has gotten CONSIDERABLY worse the last year#im tired lmfao#its not my job to make people see jews as human beings#its not my job to educate people on history they refuse to look at#but it hurts the people i care about so idk what to do#when trump wins and yall start killing jews dont expect me to help you#get bent#yall are gonna be crying about real fascism and im just gonna fucking laugh because we fucking told you so#so tired of it lmfao#just gonna take care of my own yall arent my responsibility
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