#idk what to do I’m so angry and panicky

[thegirldoesthehitting]

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[dollarstoreartsupplies]

This au is haunting me so thinking about Empath Ben escaping from the lab when she's 18-19 and turning up at Mike's farm. Mike has powers, she's always known she has, when you grow up on a farm being able to produce plants from your hands is incredibly convenient and her parents moved them out of the way far enough that no one has ever caught her.

And after a year or two of Mike and Ben healing and bonding Richie Tozier shows up, clearly running from something (not the lab, they can tell, and if it was she'd definitely not been there as long as Ben, she's far too well adjusted) and they're more than happy to let her stay. But she's also scared whenever she looks at Ben. And they can't tell why.

So they live in unaware-the-other-have-powers dysfunctionality for a bit until eventually Ben gets deeply fed up and reveals herself by just projecting fear and confusion on Richie over and over until she understands whats happening and she ends up having to tell her.

So they live in unaware-the-other-have-powers dysfunctionality for a bit until eventually Ben gets deeply fed up and reveals herself by just projecting fear and confusion on Richie over and over until she understands whats happening and she ends up having to tell her.

Then more stuff happens, eventually the farm becomes like a magnet for Losers with Powers, and they have a wonderful and peaceful time and all date each other :)

(also like Murder TW but: a lot of the ghosts were just other people the lab killed but also I think empathic abilities have the power to be incredibly fucked up like.... can she just... take someones emotions? Like all of them? and then when she crashes them all back in it basically sends their brain into shock and kills them. idk im just thinking about how empathic abilities can be Really OP but also anyone ben killed deserved it)

Anyway here's the closest I think I'm gonna get to writing anything for this:

“What do you think of her?” Mike asks, carefully, like Ben can’t already tell how nervous she is. 

(She’d have been able to without feeling it, anyways, she only grows dandelions when she’s particularly panicky, and right now the tiny petals peeking under her sweater cuffs are already well past yellow and beginning to fluff into white.)

Ben shrugs, just as carefully, “I dunno. I don’t think she’s… bad. She felt surprised and kinda scared when she saw us. Don’t think she knew anyone else was here.”

“You sure? I’ll kick her out if you want me too. Won’t even feel bad about it.” She blatantly lies, and Ben pushes her amusement into a halfway false I-know-that's-not-true annoyance. Mike snorts, “Yeah, yeah, okay. I wouldn’t feel that bad about it. I’m gonna trust your judgment either way, you know that.”

She lets her gratitude float between the two of them, warm and safe and familiar, “Not bad. Definitely… hiding something though.”

“Like what?” 

She shrugs, “I think she’s scared of me.”

“Uh-huh, yeah, that makes sense.” Mike teases, sending a white freesia blossom winding around her wrist. I trust you.

“She’s not bad. I know that.”

 “Alright then.” Mike’s worry eases a little as she smooths her lips into an almost-real-but-not-quite grin, “I’ll put her on the chore wheel.”

-

The farm is nice. Boring looking, and certainly not where Richie would have chosen to run to, but the city is unbearably noisy, here is almost far enough away, and Mike and Ben seem more than happy to let her stay.

It’s good here. It’s safe here. She’d just… feel safer if Ben wasn’t surrounded by so many fucking angry dead people.

At first, she hadn’t thought a ton about it, she’d run out here to get away from ghosts (and you know… people, but that was an immediate nonstarter) but she’d always known there would be some somewhere. Richie knows better than anyone alive that there isn’t anywhere on the planet totally, one hundred percent free from someone dead. 

But she’s been here a full day, and not once have the ghosts drifted aimlessly away they way they usually do. They tend to get bored, but the areas around Ben have remained cramped tight with ghosts. Unsettled ghosts. More unsettled than Richie’s ever seen ghosts.

They’re are sticking so close by she can’t even ask if she’s about to be murdered by this quaint, strange lesbian farmer couple without said quaint, strange, possibly murderous lesbian farmer couple hearing her.  

But it’s not like she has a lot of options. 

At least the ghosts are preoccupied enough with Ben they haven’t seemed to have caught on to the fact that Richie can see them yet. They will, eventually, but Richie’s tentatively alright with at least waiting it out here until they do, or, well, until Ben murders her in cold blood and adds her to their ranks.

Whichever comes first.

[fanficsandfluff]

The Snyder Cut: Headcanons (mostly of the tickly nature)

Bruce Wayne (Batman) ~ Batfleck, my love

He’s such a lover boy, and I can say that though I don’t exactly know how to explain what I mean. You just gotta understand.

He cares so strongly about EVERYONE. e v e r y o n e. Alfred, fucking loves the guy, jokes with him. The fucking “This is Alfred, I work for him.” MY MAN, STOP!

I think he just really wants to get along with everyone and wants everyone to get along in general.

But he lowkey crushes on Diana (at least in his mind, he’s keeping it lowkey, but we all see what’s happening)

I love the idea of this big hunk of a man getting soft with someone like Diana. 

She makes him genuinely laugh this one time by saying something funny, and then they’re both laughing together. 

Bruce definitely has one of those laughs where he throws his head back and shit and you can see his like Adam’s apple bobbing and everything.

But that’s if he’s really laughing.

And he has loud “HA”’s that are like really short but loud and then he kinda just snickers to himself for a while, holding his stomach.

And dude, the scene in freaking uhh… i think it’s BvS I’m not 100% (maybe i fucking imagined it who knows) where she like comes over to him and is fixing his wound….. tickle scenario hand picked from the gods right there

I can see a whole, “Woah!” from Bruce when Diana traces her fingers on some sensitive skin. And that Gal Godot smile is on her in an INSTANT. 

Bruce will laugh if he’s with the right person. Like I headcanon that if he’s being tickled, he will laugh if it’s done by Diana or Barry, then like he’ll be forced to laugh if it’s Clark bc he overpowers the poor bat, but then he just has these hilarious bouts of angry growls and chuckles if Arthur is going after him. 

I can’t even write about Batfleck being a ler because I will literally explode, so I’m done here 

(((((butseriouslyifanyonewantstotalklerbatfleckwithmehmuplz)))))

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) 

I know the GIF isn’t from ZSJL but just let me live, ok? (Also I couldn’t find the one of Gal wiggling her fingers YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT)

First off, Gal is the most horrible queen of giggles. I’ve seen those blooper reels. My god, girl, how do you keep getting hired?

SHE HAS SUCH A BIG SMILE IT’S LIKE THE ROCK IDK HOW THEIR TEETH AND MOUTH GET SO WIDE LOOKING

Diana will start tickle fights without a doubt.

She’s already very trustful and I also feel pretty handsy with people, especially those she may feel close to. So if she’s playful, you best watch out.

Her favorite targets are Bruce and Barry. I will not take criticism. Diana attacking Barry and reducing him to panicky shrieky laughs is my #1 thought. It’s not even living rent free, I’m commissioning it to be there.

Diana is one to laugh with her victims. She will wreck them and have a great time doing so. 

She’ll be ticklish if she wants to be, but it isn’t often she gets pinned and tickled or anything like that.

The guys try to stay away from her or not go after her with tickles for fear of retaliation.

AQUAMAN, CYBORG, SUPERMAN, AND THE FLASH UNDER THE CUT

Arthur Curry (Aquaman)

So…. my man isn’t really ticklish. I really don’t think he is, I feel like his Atlantean genes make his skin a special kind of hard, if that makes sense?

THAT BEING SAID ARTHUR IS THE BIGGEST LER OMGGG

He’ll try and act all cool and ‘whatever’ around the League cuz that’s kind of his persona.

But he slowly gets to like them more and more and his playful side starts to come out.

He’ll tickle Barry out of pure annoyance. Like if Barry makes any kind of comment, he’ll just point his finger out and get that glint in his eye and Barry is sprinting for the hills.

Here’s my favorite headcanon: Arthur will tickle Bruce because he knows it pisses him off when he does it. Bruce will fight back and keep Arthur in his sights at all time and curse and growl at him. And Arthur thinks it’s hilarious.

Arthur as a ler will taunt and tease until the cows come home

“Huh, big guy? What’s that? Ahawww that’s what I thought!... Not so fast/tough/etc. now!... I will wreck you.”

Victor Stone (Cyborg)

Unfortunately… not ticklish. :(

But this boy has the sweetest laugh you will ever hear, and I will die on that hill. 

Now that he has friends (superpowered friends, no less), he can slowly come alive and be himself. 

I can see Victor not getting involved in tickle fights at first, but at a certain point he’ll be all like, “Okay, step aside so we can do this right” and just PIN THE SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER IS BEING TICKLED. His extra robot arms are killer!

Okay, when he laughs for the first time in front of the group, there’s that cliche moment of pause where everything stops and everyone just stares and listens to him. It’s so rare to hear him laugh because the poor kid barely even smiled around them in the beginning. 

He SMIRKS

Now hear me out on this…

Okay, so half a face. Great. Weird. We love it. But you can see all of mischievous Victor when the guy SMIRKS. You see his eye squint and you can swear his robot eye gets a gleam of a different color. 

Wait honestly as I was writing that, the thought of Victor’s eye and like his apparatus changing color based on his mood is golden.

Me sitting here, lowkey wishing Victor’s robot body had some kind of cuddly mode like Baymax lmfaoooo 

Like the defense mode his body went into when he was around resurrected Supes, but for cuddles and being cute.

Clark Kent (Superman)

I was debating even including any headcanons for Superman bc I don’t care about him much, honestly.

I am v happy they kept in the whole ‘him staring at Flash through the speed storm’ scene bc I laughed so hard at that the first time i saw Josstice League in the theater. 

Also I didn’t really like the black superman costume??? I’m not a comic buff, so I’m assuming that’s why. I am like the one person who missed the color from the Josstice League cut. Don’t miss the stupid red sky in the finale, but I miss every other ounce of color that was just SUCKED right out of the Snyder Cut.

Clark and Bruce are besties now, I don’t make the rules. Bruce bought the man his house back. By buying the bank. He’ll take care of him.

And I’ve always simped for those two ever since BvS, bc I’ve already written like two fics where they tickle each other. 

Clark overpowering Bruce to tickle the shit out of him makes me so happy lol. Big strong boy Batfleck looking thiccc over here… but put him against Superman and he’s donezo. Because as mentioned earlier, I do think Bruce is pretty ticklish. 

But Clark can have his lee side when he’s feeling nice

He’s got that mighty chuckle, almost like how Thor might laugh. 

And he really likes getting involved in tickle fights with the League. He knows all of them are sorta afraid of him on the daily anyway, but have that power added to a tickle fight and it’s fun as hell. 

He’s gotten taken down by them ONCE. And I mean exactly (1) O N C E.

They all teamed up. Bing, bang, boom. Pinned him to the floor and they each took an area of skin and fucking SQUEEZED AND WIGGLED. They were trying to incapacitate him as quickly as possible. And dangummit, he laughed a lot! Like Clark realized just how ticklish he could feel if he wanted to feel it. 

And don’t even get me started on Lois, he’s big on getting her to giggle and she likes toying with him and running her hands all over his body (bc who wouldn’t?)

Barry Allen (The Flash)

I waited to write about Barry last because I have so much to say about this character....

and then I fell asleep and waited until the next day to write anything down about him so now I’m totally not in the mood and I forgot all the salient points I was planning on making.

fuck you, michelle.

I got a weird relationship with this character. He was mad annoying in the Josstice League. Thank goodness they trimmed his bad jokes down.

But now....

when he got hurt at the end and he was like crying and shit oh my god I wanted to hug him

His character got so... good

And I’m now at the right age where I can think about myself in a relationship with this character with no changes or shame

We both out here trying to find that one good job after college and everything

BARRY JUST WANTS FRIENDS, GUYS

HE’S THAT CUTE

And then he got this whole found family schtick with the Justice League!!! Lookit him!!! Thriving!

He has total little brother energy

like, pesky little brother. Bothers everyone, looks over people’s shoulders while they’re deep in thought or concentrating on something.

Asks a lot of questions.

All the more reason for the gang to want to tickle the shit out of him.

Barry just reads like a super ticklish lee. Like his whole character.

Maybe touch starved because he said he needed friends, and I don’t think he has siblings??? (sorry if i’m wrong about that, comic fans)

I already named some of my fav headcanons about him getting tickled by like Diana and such, and I’m sticking with it.

Barry does flee. He runs away with super speed.... but sometimes he just kinda wants the tickles so he lets them have at him. 

The chase is all part of the fun with tickling Barry, though. That’s what makes it so entertaining. And Barry isn’t afraid to be a little shit about it either. He will super-speed around his pursuers and poke their sides and tickle them back really quickly before they even know what’s happening. 

Barry doesn’t exactly hold back his laughter lol. He’ll protest and scream and squirm like crazy, but once he’s actually tickled, he loses it.

Pure boy. With funny ass facial expressions.

And it really doesn’t help that I never realized just how hot Ezra Miller is, even though I heard he’s not a great person irl. Oh well.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Please please let me know if y’all have things to add, to squee over, to question me about... please. anything. i’m here for you. thanks for reading, guys!

[mermaid-nebula]

Can you write something from this with Wilford and Dark? Maybe they're boyfriends, husbands, or just close friends? I'm a big Darkstache shipper, and love angst, fluff, nsfw- basically everything, lol. Anyways though- You know how in the vid "Wilford Motherlovin Warfstache" Wilford is able to hear thoughts and communicate telepathically? So maybe he tries doing that with Dark to see why Dark is acting more distant, gloomy and/or edgy than usual? Idk. I'll just like to see what your mind comes up with from this prompt. ^^

I’m super sorry this took so long to get to! I’ve been super busy and since this is one, if not, my fav ship, I wanted it to be good. Also this prompt is gold for them, angst fits them so well.

Word count: 890

***********************************

Wilford hums as he hears the door to Dark’s room slams down the hall. It had been one of those days for him. If by days you meant weeks. Everyone knew of the other man’s temper, and it was never really a surprise when he would sometimes leave a meeting in a hurry to go to his room in frustration.

It’s just...happening every day now. Meetings usually last about 2 hours, but now it’s barely 30 minutes before he leaves.

It confuses everyone to no end, including Wilford himself. Sure, he may know a little more about what the other is thinking in any given moment, but he never used his mindreading powers on his old friend because he respects him too much. But sometimes thoughts Dark’s leak through his barriers. Just like the one’s he heard just as he left to be alone.

Idiot.

The word was really the only thing that could be made out in the vast sea of Dark’s thoughts that plague his mind. It was loud, repeatedly shouting, yet melancholy, like a cry for help. Who the idiot of the group is, Wilford doesn’t know. Though he suspects it’s himself, because that answer’s obvious he feels.

Still, he feels it’s best to at least talk to him, so they could manage to get at least some progress done on projects. So, he goes to his door and slowly opens it. He never really knocks anyway, he knows Dark won’t hurt him for it. 

He pokes his head into his room and sees Dark at his desk. He was hunched over, with his head hidden in his arms on the desk. It was really odd seeing him like that. He looked...vulnerable.

He tip toes over to him and places a gentle hand to his back. Dark jolts, then quickly straightens himself.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” He asks, accusatorily.

“I just wanted to check on you. You’ve seemed very tense lately. May I ask what’s bothering you?”

“Don’t.”

Stupid Idiot

Wilford sighs. He’s pretty used to insults, even from Dark himself sometimes, and he played them off because they didn’t ever mean anything to him. But now it was hard to come to terms with the fact that Dark thinks of him this way all the time.

“Why am I an idiot Dark? Have I done something, and you’re mad at me? I’m sorry for whatever it was.”

“...What?” Dark blinks and looks up at him in confusion.

“I can hear you thinking it.” He replies calmly. Dark stares at him, unblinking. Then scoffs, smiling angrily at himself and shaking his head,

“Of course you can.” He turns away from him, “Just don’t listen then.”

“How can I not listen when you’re thinking about me?”

“I’m NOT thinking about you. And get out of my head!”

Just leave me alone. You always do. You don’t care. No one does.

I’m such an idiot.

So stupid for thinking you’d ever would. 

“What do you mean? I care about you Dark. You’re my best friend!” He moves his hands to Dark’s shoulders, but Dark quickly pushes them away. He looks up at Wilford in rage, growling slightly.

“Don’t EVER try to get inside my head.” He yells at him. The silence that follows is almost louder, and after a while Dark turns his chair away from Wilford, “It’s too dark for you.”

Wilford huffs and sits on his desk, placing his legs to the arms of his chair so he could pin Dark to make sure he won’t turn away again. Dark curls in on himself to make sure he doesn’t get touched. Wilford leans forward so he can meet his eyes.

“Please? I know that you’re always angry, but please talk to me. You’re feeling bad because of me and I want to help. I always do.”

“It’s really not you.” Dark replies, looking away from him.

“You’re a very bad liar for a former politician.” He chuckles out softly. Dark still doesn’t look at him though.

You make me feel like an idiot. 

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know why.”

I do know why.

“Dark, please.” Wilford huffs out.

I think I love you. 

I don’t know how to act around you anymore.

I feel obvious sometimes. 

I feel ashamed of these feelings.

I’m not worth it.

Please get away from me.

All these thoughts hit Wilford all at once, panicky and quickly changing to the point where it begins to hurt his head. He shakes it off and puts his hands on Dark’s shoulders again. He flinches.

I’m sorry, Wil.

Don’t be Dark.

Dark looks up at him.

Wilford smiles at him.

“Of course you can do that as well.” He grunts and looks away.

Wilford lets his hands travel up to his neck, slowly turning his head to have him look at him. Dark inhales sharply and his eyes look everywhere but on the man who has him trapped. 

He presses a kisses to the bridge of Dark’s nose, smiling excitedly.

“I love you too Dark.” Kiss. “I always have.” Another kiss “Can you say it to me Dark?” He kisses his cheeks. “Please. I want to hear it.”

“I love you.” He says, bringing his head up to kiss Wilford’s lips shyly. He was smiling into it.

I love you.

[gwydionmisha]

South Park, Anti-vaxxers, and an Outbreak Dream

I had one of my perennial plague dreams.  (I'm a life long plague watcher.  1 was a 14th century specialist before I parted ways with academia.  I was dreaming about epidemics since the mid-to late 70's.  So no, it's neither an AIDS thing nor a Covid thing.)  In this one there was an outbreak of a weaponized... okay, not really small pox, but best described as some sort of Anthrax/smallpox cross?  But not really.  It was sort of an Anthrax timeline on latency and infection, with both pox and lesions and a small pox like rash following the lesions by about 12 hours, and lung symptoms.  

A High school was the target, so the authorities locked it down and were trying to do quarantine and triage, but given how infectious small pox is... yeah.  which is why the small town also had perimeter quarantine, since people could be infectious before the fever started and airbourne pathogens are bad.

I was lucid dreaming as is often the case. so I took to the air on the theory that a couple stories up was safer, grabbed a bedroll, provisions, etc. and was setting up camp on a roof top with a structure that could provide an overhang, as is a thing I often do in zombie outbreaks and epidemic scenarios in my dreams.

So I'm up on this roof top watching a massive crowd of parents and families gather in the sports fields around the school, all breathing on each other without masks and trying to press up on the National Guard as they worked themselves into an angry frenzy and it suddenly dawned on me:  Anti-vaxxers are panicky nonsense south Park parents.

Bear with me.  I hate south Park.  I used to watch it while I was teaching because the kids were watching it, and it's good practice to read, watch, and listen to what they are consuming.  It was essential to watch south Park in particular because 1. They'd tried to get around you using stuff from there and catching them every time taught them you were hard to trick that way.  the more pop culture one was up on, the more they assumed one was basically omniscient and it solved a lot of problems before they started, and 2. The middle Schoolers would come in Monday morning with serious questions and concerns about what they saw and if they knew you knew south Park they'd ask you and you could use it for teachable moments, and things like that were where I did some of my best work as far as media literacy and getting kids to really think about what they are consuming.

But I fucking hate South Park for all the ways it's regressive and toxic.  It's fed antisemitism and homophobia and transphobia and sexism and science denial and a whole host of toxic things in American culture.  I hate it.

But, this connection I made in this dream has haunted me for two days.  There's this thing the adults in South Park do where they hear something or something happens and they don't actually listen properly and they just panic and wildly over react and lose their shit and the next thing you know there's this mob of incensed nonsense spewing people who are violent or borderline violent.

I can't say one way or another if 25 years of this shitty regressive show being on the air and popular has caused this or merely reflects the shittiness always under the surface in American, but I saw that irrational nonsense and pathogen spewing crowd reacting exactly the wrong way in a pandemic and I thought of the anti-semetic South Park show with it's hysterical nonsense adults and the Neo-NAZIs making Ottawa unlivable right now and and Trumpist swastika waving anti-vaxxers beating up teachers and storming American state capitals and trying to overthrow the government and it just... felt like the same thing.  idk.  It's not deep, just an image stuck in my head from a dream.

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

NCT 127 “You have a hard time getting intimate because of body image issues”

Ask:  Hi! NCT 127 reaction the you refuse to get intimate bc of body image issues please?

A/N: This one is really long and also kind of hit close to home so yeah. Nobody asked but I thought I’d share also putting this under read more for possible trigger warning

TRIGGER WARNING maybe? Idk if this is triggering but better be safe than sorry

Johnny/Youngho:

It was small things that made him notice. When he’d spoon you, the arm he wrapped around your waist made you uncomfortable, when the kissing and touching got too intense, you pulled away and changed the subject. Instead of just speculating however, he decided to just straight up ask. He thought it would be better. “What’s wrong? I feel like you don’t want me touching you and I need to know if it’s because of something I did?” 

Johnny’s face hurt you. It wasn’t because of him it was because of your own insecurities. You hated your body and if you hated it the last thing you wanted to do was subject Johnny to looking at it. “I really hate my body Johnny. I really, really hate it.” You told him and his expression softened much more. 

“I understand, I didn’t mean to push. We can do stuff when you’re ready.” 

Taeil:

Taeil complimented you all the time, finding it adorable when you reacted flustered. It wasn’t because it embarrassed you, no. It was because you felt it wasn’t true. The second Taeil touched you too much, his hand lingered on your butt too long, or your kiss started to get more intense, you pushed him away. He didn’t notice it all that much at first. But as your relationship progressed it became more and more apparent to him. 

It was something that was on his mind more than he cared to admit. Something he let fester in his brain way too long before bringing it up with you. Scared it was his fault. “Why don’t you want to touch me?” He asked you, tears in his eyes as you stopped another kiss way too early. “It’s not you believe me Taeil. It’s all me. Believe me you don’t want to see what’s under these clothes.” You told him as you started tearing up. 

“Oh baby, I don’t mean to rush you at all. But I see the most beautiful person in front of me. I just didn’t know that this was the problem.” 

Taeyong:

You were getting ready for your date, rushing around your room when your reflection caught your eye. You were in nothing but your underwear and you hated it. The way you looked was something you were never proud of. You were so distracted by your negative body image, you didn’t here Taeyong coming in. 

“That’s a sight I like to see.” Taeyong said, wrapping his arms around your waist. You suddenly felt incredibly self conscious, pushing his arms off of you to quickly put more clothes on. It had been a few months and Taeyong noticed how you guys never got much further than a kiss. You quickly tried to cover your body up and Taeyong looked at you with a huff. “Do you not like me or something? Do I disgust you?” He asked and you looked at him with disbelief. “What? No?” You said, pulling a shirt over your head. “Well it seems like you don’t even want to touch me.” He said, sounding angry. You felt terrible, you didn’t mean to make him feel like that. “The only person I am disgusted by is myself.” 

“ I wish you would have told me. I’m sorry for snapping. I just wish I knew. Just know I think you are far from disgusting.” 

Yuta: 

(There was hardly a gif of him not smiling)

It felt like for a brief moment your insecurities had dipped out. Yuta’s lips were against yours and his hands were tangled in your hair. His hands moved down your sides and you shivered, which he interpretted positively. Which you didn’t blame him, given the situation. His hand started moving under your shirt and you panicked, pushing away from him. 

His iconic smile faded as you moved off the bed, wrapping your arms around yourself. “Did I do something wrong?” He asked sounding panicked and moving to sit on his knees. “No, no it’s not you.” You told him, on the brink of tears. “Then what’s wrong?” He asked trying to grab your hand for comfort. “I really don’t like my body Yuta, I can’t go any further right now. I’m so sorry.” You mumbled out fast, scared to look at him. 

“Oh princess/prince. Please don’t think I’m mad at you. Just tell me these things.” 

Doyoung: 

Doyoung had his insecurities and you knew that, so he would’ve understood from the get go how you felt. You just decided it was something best kept to yourself. You didn’t realise how it would effect him though. Not wanting to get intimate months into your relationship effected him quite a bit. Not because he wasn’t getting any. But because he was scared he was doing something wrong. 

“I don’t know if it’s my place...” Doyoung started as you two laid in bed staring at the ceiling. “But I feel like you don’t find me physically attractive.” Doyoung said and you nearly had to hold back a laugh. Not because it was funny but because Doyoung was off base. “It’s not you Doyoung, please believe me. You are not the problem.” You told him and he turned to look at you. “Then what is?” He asked and you sighed. Laughing was your form of masking pain. “I’m the problem, Doyoung. I really hate my body and I don’t want to subject you to that.” You said closing your eyes. 

“I didn’t know. I really didn’t know. I wish I could show you how beautiful I think you are. But I know you need to accept yourself first.” 

Jaehyun:

You could tell he was getting suspicious of you and your intimacy issues. The fact you hadn’t done more than a soft kiss on the lips after a few months of dating was what tipped him off. Not that he necessarily needed more, he loved spending time with just you. He just wondered why.

“Baby... why haven’t we done anything else except for kiss? I don’t mean to rush you. I just feel like you don’t want to get intimate with me.” He said, looking to the floor awkwardly. You didn’t really know what to say, you were scared to get intimate. “It’s not your fault, it’s all me. I just really really don’t like my body.” You said looking at him with a pout. He stared at his feet before looking up at you with a smile. 

“I’m not saying this to pressure you, but I think you are the most stunning person in the world and I find it hard that you don’t. We’ll wait, until you’re ready. It’s worth the wait.” 

WinWin/Sicheng:

Sicheng always made you feel incredibly loved. But one thing he couldn’t fill was the love you had for yourself. It was something you always struggled with and sitting in NCT’s practice room surrounded  by mirrors wasn’t helping. The other members had left the room and you were watching him dance, but you were really examining yourself in the mirror. 

Sicheng noticed and came over to you, trying to have a deep kiss with you. “Not now.” You mumbled and he frowned at you. “What’s wrong?” He asked and noticed how closed up you were physically. “Just don’t feel confident to go far uh, sexually.” You said and he grabbed your hands. “I just feel especially self conscious at the moment with all these mirrors.” You added and Sicheng looked heartbroken. 

“I hate that you have such a low image of yourself. If I can do anything to help that, I will. I promise you.” 

Jungwoo:

This angel would never want you to feel insecure about yourself and he would never ever want to put you in a position where he makes you feel insecure or uncomfortable. So the second you started shying away from him he noticed and wanted to know why.

“Have I done somethign wrong or so? You’re very physically distant.” He said and held your hands to comfort you slightly. Jungwoo always knew when something was wrong. “I’ve been having a hard time with my body image and just don’t feel like being very intimate.” You simply said it, there was no use in trying to hide it. Jungwoo smiled comfortingly, before squeezing your hands. 

“I want you to feel as comfortable as possible, so let’s just take the time to make yourself comfortable and proud of your body.” 

Mark:

Mark wasn’t one to push physical intimacy at all. But you were shying away from a majority of his more intimate touches. He felt bad for letting it bother him, guilty in a weird sense. But Mark is the type to worry about the smallest things so he couldn’t let it go. 

“Am I doing something wrong?” He asked after you shrugged his arm off of your waist while watching a movie. The question really being random. You looked at him and simply blinked. “You keep avoiding my touches.” Mark said, noticing you were confused. You didn’t mean too, it was just something you had always struggled with. “Oh, I just- I -” You felt panicky. You really liked Mark, you just didn’t like your own body at all. “I really hate my body and I get incredibly shy when you touch me in certain spots.” You spit out and Mark’s face kind of dropped. 

“Oh, I understand. I just wish I would’ve known. But please know, I would never shame your body. I think you’re beautiful.” 

Haechan/Donghyuk:

Donghyuk and you were very new to intimacy in that sense. Given your age and his you two weren’t very touchy in general. But you didn’t necessarily feel comfortable enough though. It wasn’t because you didn’t like or love him at all.  You just felt uncomfortable with yourself. 

He was really trying his best to tickle you. His fingers going all over your stomach in ways you didn’t want. “I said stop it.” You said, your voice going very serious as his hands danced over your skin. “Woah, sorry. Did I do something wrong?” He said, kind of scared at the sudden mood change. “Just really don’t like it when I get touched there.” You said and he frowned. “I just really feel incredibly self conscious about that part of myself.” You told him and he got even more quiet. 

“I understand. I’m sorry. Just let me know what you are comfortable with? I just want you happy.” 

[arrancxr]

Anon... anon... “a little dark” does not cover this XD All joking aside, though, I love you for sending this. I’d write a whole fic on this tbh, and I would enjoy it. I’m actually really, really tempted to... 

Idk, another author I follow does this thing where they group-fund commission fics, like once they reach a certain goal, they’ll write it, and honestly that sounds fun?????? Cause honestly I WANT to write this, but also I’m busy and stressed enough as it is that I probably should make it a commission. Again though, no idea if I’ll actually do that. I’ll just write out how something like that would go, and if enough people like the idea, maybe we can turn it into something? :3c

If anyone who reads this wants to see this idea as a full-length fic, please say something! I’d really like to gauge the interest here~

. . . 

Halibel:

-She’s by far the most rational in dealing with the situation, and also holds up the longest against the stress. In terms of initial captivity, she’s on edge, paying careful attention to the Shinigamis’ every move and trying to find some way to escape. Even as she’s fighting to find an opportunity or upper hand, though, she’s realizing very quickly that there’s no getting out of this. 

-The physical torture is something she’s strong against. Pain is something that any Hollow is well-accustomed to, and she’s not one to break easily under stress. Halibel holds up a long time against the experiments and torture, but when she does start to break, it’s bad. Initially, she gets testy, angry, lashing out at the other two because she hurts so much she can’t help it. But as the stress keeps getting to her, she develops almost a protective streak for both of them, growing attached simply because she has nothing else. 

-With Nnoitra and Szayel, she takes something of a caretaker role from the beginning. Because she’s by far the most stable and sympathetic person there, she’s kind of the glue holding them together at first, as much as the other two hate that. Over time, though, she starts getting sort of weird about looking after them. All she really is have left is being the protector to the two who are in a much worse mental state than she is. At her most broken, she takes out her stress by trying desperately to keep those around her safe. 

Nnoitra:

-Mayuri is going to have to do something pretty major to keep Nnoitra from making utter chaos. As in, he’ll fight with everything he has in the hopes that either it’ll do some good or someone will kill him and get this whole mess over with. Of course, every part of that backfires, and Nnoitra winds up either carefully restrained or missing some pieces.

-Pain and physical torture do almost nothing to him... at least at first. Nnoitra has a ridiculously high pain tolerance and no fear of death, so it’s difficult to crack him that way. What winds up getting to him is the psychological-- feelings of helplessness and weakness that dig right into the most vulnerable parts of him. WIth his tendencies towards suicidal and self-destructive behavior, to begin with, he breaks fast, which most likely manifests in the form of an extremely violent episode that gets him in a much worse situation than before. 

-With Halibel and Szayel, he stays as distant as possible. At first, it’s because he doesn’t want anything to do with them. Very quickly, though, it becomes a matter of not wanting anyone to see how weak he’s getting. Being seen in pain is Nnoitra’s worst nightmare, and he balks horribly at Halibel’s attempts at keeping both of them in one piece. He’s more angry with Szayel than anything-- the man is supposed to be a genius; why can’t he get them out of this? In the end, though, Nnoitra is reduced to cold, distant, and wishing for death.

Szayel:

-He’s frantic. The fact alone that he’s been captured is enough to have Szayel fraying at the seams. All of his usual calculating and attentive behavior starts slipping right from the beginning. It’s hard for him to think straight when he’s preoccupied with the idea of ending up in a specimen jar, and honestly, Halibel is going to have to find a way to calm him down before he hurts himself.

-He’s honestly the one who takes it the worst. For all Szayel’s conducted these experiments on his own, being on the other side of the scalpel kind of breaks him. The feeling of helplessness coupled with the pain and psychological torment have him breaking fast. He gets panicky and paranoid, mental state deteriorating the more he realizes that he really does have no control left. He can see a lot of the experiments coming, which kind of just makes everything worse. The constant stress gets to him physically as well. 

-With the other two, Szayel is at first condescending and dismissive. This is largely in part due to how panicked he is, but the behavior really does only get him in more trouble. As soon as he starts cracking, though, he’s reduced to finding a nice corner to curl up in, cover his head, and try not to think about how awful his existence has become. Seeing Nnoitra deteriorate does very bad thinks to Szayel’s mindset, but, interestingly enough, he winds up responding fairly well to Halibel’s stress-fueled protective streak. 

[thalmor-banjo]

This is a vent post but I have to get this off my chest.

I have ADHD, but it’s undiagnosed by medical professionals. I think it’s pretty mild, but I still have issues with schoolwork, personal projects, etc.

I stim when feeling very overwhelmed/intense feelings. Sometimes it’s happy flapping from a good fanfic or amazing scene from my favorite show. Other times it’s angry jerks. If I stim when I’m angry everyone shuts me down immediately and says I need to, “Get control of your (my) emotions.” When I was small I wouldn’t hide my stimming and no one really thought it was anything unusual, but as I grew I learned to mask it (because I was intermittently taken to therapy for years). Now I mask in public but when I’m alone, it kinda just all comes out, ya know? And it feels good and happy and oh my god do I love it. But if I do it in front of anyone else (who doesn’t know, some of my close friends do and I’m comfortable being myself in front of them), they’ll look at me like I’m fucking insane.

Another thing, I get overstimulated occasionally. Most of the time I'm ok and can slip out of the situation, but sometimes I'm really really not. (Some background, I have an autistic sister, but outside of her specific situation my family is v ableist.). During quarantine I've stopped masking as much (because it's literally impossible to keep up 24/7) and it's been...detrimental to say the least. Whenever I visibly get overstimulated, someone in my family will notice, then they'll all intensify the behavior ("Exposure therapy is the cure for being overwhelmed"-my lovely mother). I hate it so much. Like I'm obviously in discomfort, can you fuck off???

This March something happened. I'm not sure if it was some kind of breakdown or what, but I just couldn't anymore. The whole day I was on edge, but being forced to sit in the cold living room, not allowed to listen to music or have a blanket, just being forced to work, it fucked with me. My thoughts were too loud for my head. I kept trying to work and they just would shut the fuck up. I tried to explain, but no one would listen. I lost it. Started crying, begging for my headphones. My thoughts were too loud and I couldn't push them down. It wasn't like they were meaningful, I just couldn't focus. It felt like they were ballooning up into my throat, blocking the words I so desperately wanted to scream. Instead, all that came out was, "it's too loud" or something of that vein. I had reached a breaking point. I can't even describe how it felt in words. I was so panicky because my family wanted this work to be done and I was trying so hard but my thoughts were too loud and I just wanted to be in my warm bed snuggled up but I couldn't because who knows why and I had to sit in this cold chair that was sticking to my thighs. The words to describe what I was feeling just couldn't come out past the great nothingness blocking them. They (mis padres) were texting the entire time this was happening. I found out later what they were. Here's my favorites, "she's (I'm trans and they misgender me constantly omfg but that's for another day) acting like River (a character from Joss Whedon's Firefly, one of my absolute favorites. They had just shown it to me the past week. The implication being I was acting out to get out of work, that I was just faking)," "If she (ew ew ew she/her get it awayyyyyyyyy) were a dude, I would punch her (again, they're implying I'm acting out for attention and trying to skip out on work while also being incredibly ableist.).". My parents, the people who have teared me since birth, let me shatter and crunch under their unsympathetic feet. When I tried to communicate my suffering, they turned away, assuming it was all an act and none of it was real. It really stung at the time, and I still don't trust them with a lot of my real thoughts.

Probably the final thing, hyperfixations. I don't forget to eat or drink when hyperfixating (although sleep can be an issue). Not sure why, but it just works out that way. Recently I fell head over heels for the Mandalorian. Space westerns are just my thang (looking at you Firefly). Mando is this battle hardened man who's so devoted to his religion and yet a little green baby comes along and changes it all. My favorite episode is Chapter 15, spoilers ahead. I hate Mayfeld, so much like oh my god. But he makes a good point about lines we're not willing to cross until lines get blurred. It really spoke to me. SPOILER When Din is forced to take off his helmet to do the scan, my heart dropped. I've had to break promises (that I've made to myself) to keep safe (ex: coming out in 2020). But it wasn't just some throwaway vow. This was his religion, his entire way of life. And his sect says you are no longer Mandalorian after removing the helmet, that taking it off means never putting it back on. It's incredibly moving and speaks to something in me; there's a reason it's my favorite episode (so far). And also part of it is that Pedro Pascal is really fucking handsome. Like IRL I'd probably have a squish on him more than anything else, but he's still really hot. Anywayyyyyyyy, back from the tangent, I've watched it at least four, maybe five, times. Chapter 15 is a good episode and it makes me happy. A note: my family (aside from one other member) is aggressively heterosexual and cisgender. Like any time I talk about the future they're immediately like "oh yeah, you'll tell your husband and kids about this later.". It grates on my nerves so much. Like I'm not straight, never will be, and would rather adopt and help (a) kid(s) that need a home rather than bringing another human into the world. Idk if it's just me, but the way they imply I'll have a heterosexual relationship as a cis woman who fucks her husband is just weird and uncomfortable. I don't wanna talk about my sex life with them, nor 1} who I'd like to fuck 2} how I'd like to fuck 3} when I'd like to fuck. Long story short I don't want them to know that I enjoy Pedro Pascal's acting because they'll fucking hound me on it. I wish I didn't have to protect myself and not reveal my thoughts, to keep everything rolling around upstairs from falling off my lips. Then they act like I'm unreasonable for not wanting to share what I'm smiling about. How my sister (who's also ND), starting seeing memories from her past lives. I don't know enough about that kinda stuff to say anything meaningful. I know if I'd have said that my parents would have scoffed and ignored me, but when sister says it, the words are coming directly from God's lips. But when I brought up reality shifting ( something I've been attempting since October), father asked if it was somehow possible for everyone to share a hallucination across thousands of miles. I just wish they'd treat me like they treat her. Like a human bean who deserves to be believed and respected.

I just wanna be able to stim and enjoy things I love without being "normal.".

Anyway, sorry for the long rant, thanks for listening/reading, here's a gif of this absolute human cinnamon bun of a human bean (description, it's Pedro Pascal glancing to the side, raising his brows, looking back, smiling, and then opening his eyes and mouth to make a goofy face):

[semblanche]

what's templeton had to do for dragonborns in the past??? - not haeji

ah shit sorry man this is an answer only reserved for my dear friend haeji :/ come back with a warrant

djkdj but also bc i'm a sucker for talking about this stuff, jokesy joaks aside -

in-game, nothing too bad, surprisingly. he's gotten shoved around a few times, once with a low grumble of "fucking tieflings" when he didn't get out of the way fast enough (to which templeton, blushing and giddy, went "i know right??"). once anton, a party member, was asked by a dragonborn jeeringly to lick his boots, and templeton was already on his knees before anton had time to refuse. he's also uhh forced himself to drink alcohol when asked, which is a pretty big deal since templeton has a strict No Drinking / No Gambling policy going on (one of the few opinions he's cultivated for himself.) then again, it was an alt version of himself, so,,

outside of game, nothing specific. i've left templeton's past pretty open in that regard. i do however have my own hcs, which i play templeton as following sometimes - ie, i can definitely see him being like something for dragonborns to mess around with, ordering him around / stepping on his tail to keep him in place / general testing of his limits. idk if it ever veered into more ;) territory, but templeton is quite pretty, so,,, who's to say, really?

but. i would like to talk about two moments that don't exactly fall in either of the above categories. one bc it wasn't a dragonborn, and one bc it's canon in game but was never actually acted out.

-

1 - after hanging out a while with a party made of anti-empire revolutionaries and heretics, templeton at some point found himself feeling a bit ... emboldened. we were trying to gather data on a lizardfolk by the name of luca, so templeton offered to cast charm person on him. keep in mind, a lizardfolk in this world is like, considered a noble.

we get to our destination. we've agreed with another party member, anton, that he'll try for diplomacy, and templeton will use his spell if it fails. luca shows up, and anton tries for diplomacy, but it's clear right off the bat luca doesn't intend to cooperate - he listens absently to anton's proposal, then takes one look at templeton and grins, all "and what do you have to say?"

and it turned out what templeton had to say was turning bright blue and squeaking "I CAST CHARM PERSON."

which failed.

luca swatted it away, looking annoyed. he went to say something, but templeton, now panicky, casted command. which also failed. by now luca is angry, he's grinning wildly and he whips out a scimitar to point at templeton's throat, going "i don't appreciate this, friend."

anton stepped in the way, trying again for diplomacy, but the weight of the entire situation just suddenly hit templeton like a ton of fucking bricks. he suddenly realized just what he'd been trying to do - charm and command a lizardfolk?? him????? who the fuck did he think he was, he was lucky luca didn't want to kill him, oh god, luca should have killed him, luca should have-

anton was still talking, but templeton just. blanked. did a complete 180 to his empire principles. he started fucking bowing to luca, just teetering over himself, babbling apologies - about how sorry he was, about how luca could do anything to him, about how luca had every right to do anything to him, etc.

luca entertained this a few seconds. then, while templeton was bent over in a bow, he casually lifted one boot and just fucking placed it on the back of templeton's head. keeping him in place, frozen. caught on his knees so he didn't fall over. at some point templeton tried to move and luca just applied more pressure, so templeton went slack again.

he then continued talking to anton, cool as you please, with his boot just resting on the back of templeton's skull. it felt like forever. when he finally let up and left, templeton had his big breakdown :')

///

2 - our party has not so recently discovered that we exist in a timeline that's not the original. none of us are originals. at some point we met the original versions of ourselves, and we noticed both templeton's and cawub's (another party member's) versions weren't there - an npc clarified that, in this timeline, we had actually died.

cue this delicious interaction with templeton

*note: red is a dragonborn, jacob is a kenku & templeton's potential love interest. lydia is irrelevant.

Templeton: So. Um. If Cawub - died. Like that.

Helder: Yeah.

Templeton: Then how did I-?

Helder, slowly, quietly: You ... died in the first rite. When we fought against Red and Lydia.

Templeton: We? We were in a party? We- fought Red?

Helder: Isn't that what happened here?

Templeton: Are you kidding? I could never fight Red. She's - you know. (falls silent.) We fought the kenkus.

Helder: Oh yeah, the kenkus. They exist in our world too.

Templeton: Are they all okay?

Helder: I think so. Mostly they keep to themselves. Do their own thing.

Templeton: There are still all four of them?

Helder: I think.

Templeton, so quietly: Do you - Uh. Know anyone. Named Jacob?

Helder: Jacob.... What does he look like?

Templeton, automatically: Perfect.

Templeton: I mean, well, no he's uh, he's one of the kenkus, so I don't-

Helder: No, I don't really talk to them. They seem okay though?

Templeton: That's... That's good.

[Pause.]

Templeton: So we fought Red in this version? And I-?

Helder: We were fighting Red, yes. And at some point she - she had her hands around your throat. And she was strangling you.

Templeton:

Templeton, softly: Oh.

Helder, in frustrated disbelief: And you just. LET her do it. You didn't even fight back.

Templeton:

Templeton:

Templeton, weakly, jokingly: That sounds about right.

Helder: I still don't understand why. I know you're not him, you've been through different things, but. Is it because she was a dragonborn?

Templeton, avoiding eye contact, suddenly guilty: I - no, it's more than that, okay, she's also a purple dragonborn, and that's the highest ranking one, so I can see why-

Helder, SO SOFTLY, SO SAD: Oh, Templeton.

[queenharumiura]

|･ω･｀) sixthscorpse

Send me |･ω･｀) + a URL and I’ll talk about this blog! ||Accepting||

Alrighties then, I think, we first met like roughly 6-8 months ago. It was around the time when I decided to actually open the blog for interactions. I did make the blog on a spur of the moment thing, but then I decided to reread the manga before actually starting. 

It... it took a while;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Essentially... there are certain arcs in the series that irk me and thus it takes me a while to get through it. Especially the final arc. That probably took me the longest because I just---- my heart wasn’t in it, y’all. Just knowing that Gokudera, Yamamoto, and Ryohei will have such a small window of screentime-- just... //fist clench. 

By that time, you knew me as ‘An-chan’. I don’t think you followed me on Haru until AFTER the alternate mun name reveal. I’m pretty sure when we met, Cady and Pocky were around. I do remember that you did disappear for a while after that. 

Will admit that I did my usual panicky: Ah, did I mess up. Did I make people mad? Ahhhhhhh... I probably did. Wonder what I did. 

Skip forward months later and it was like oh-- suddenly a lot of KHR blogs are back. What happened? You came back and talked to me and I was like ‘okay--- so--- maybe I didn’t do something wrong... //squint squints’. [Paranoia decrease by 25%]

So I do recall we did send a few memes to and fro, which was fun. Uhhhh--- you followed me on Haru... and you followed me with other blogs---

-- and then you confused me that one time with Giotto, which now gave me a new random habit(?). There wasn’t a rules page that I could find so I sent a message like where is your rules page and it was basically like, don’t worry about it. 

Me: //WORRIES ABOUT IT. 

“You know who I am.” 

Me: //STARTS TO SWEAT HARDER BC I DON’T RECALL EVER INTERACTING WITH A GIOTTO OTHER THAN SHARR. 

You in discord: It’s me. 

I cannot forgib this transgression of tomfoolery (i’m jk). Anyways, from thereafter, any time I find a blog that suddenly follows me and I can’t find their rules page easily-- “Is this Rikku”. 

#tru story. 

Idk, it makes me happy that when you make new blogs you’ll follow me with said blogs. Like omgosh, i’m valued enough to be followed with multiple blogs. The fact that you were willing to follow and interact with Haru was very !!!!!!!! to me. Pretty sure I talked to you about it via discord before, but I have a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to the KHR fandom. I don’t have high expectations for the fandom and honestly don’t expect many blogs to interact or pay attention to Haru. 

So it’s always a pleasant surprise to be proven wrong. We’ve talked a number of times on discord and we do have some similar points of views on things.

I don’t want to call them arguments, since they weren’t really arguments? We did have a few moments of tension though. Primarily just emotionally charged things caused by misunderstandings or just words being confused. 

After that, there was a period of silence for a while, and I was a lil nervous. I also just had a lot going on with life in general so there was a time when I was really everywhere in regards to my schedule. So, I hope you don’t think I was avoiding you during that time. I was just-- everywhere. 

Anyways, I think after a while, we kinda started talking more again. Primarily through dash or im. 

I’ll say this for just in case it is a worry: I’m not angry, nor do I hate you. I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me and I moved past that. So hopefully, if this is a worry, will help you know that I’m over it, and you can approach me more if you want. I do remember saying it before, but I am sorry. 

I can be sensitive at times, and I take things very literally. So I take words very seriously, so when they are written in a certain way, I’ll interpret it a certain way. So sometimes, I may end up misunderstanding what you meant to say because of it. I am aware that you have trouble conveying your thoughts, and so I try really hard to understand, but sometimes I can’t-- and so I ask. 

I honestly feel so bad any time I have to do that, because it’s not your fault. I just am dumb, and can’t understand. I try not to ask too much because I worry that I’ll hurt your feelings, or make you feel inadequate, which you aren’t. 

I say this sincerely, but I truly do value you as a friend. Whenever you can, you have sent in memes, or you’ve replied/liked my ooc posts. It goes to show that even if we left off on a rough/sad patch, you still care. It’s the little things like that, that show that you care. 

You have moments of feeling down (from what I see in your ooc posts) and because of that, I want to take this moment: 

You are a very well-intentioned person. Maybe sometimes it may not come out the correct way, but the good intention doesn’t disappear. It can be scary to continue to try, and it may seem hopeless, but I can promise you that it isn’t. 

You are very caring towards others, and you’re open-minded. Open to try out things, and to have fun. You enjoy to make jokes and have fun with others. It’s easy to see that you care a lot for other people, and that’s a GOOD thing. Sometimes, it seems that you care for other people more than yourself. I say that, because I can be the same way. If the option was between me being happy and making another person happy, I’d choose to make the other person happy. 

I get the feel that you and I may share that quality in ourselves. It’s always nice to see how generally caring you are towards those that you like-- ie your friends. You are mindful of other people and their feelings, and you do your best to keep people around you happy. Even if it may hurt you in the process. That’s how it looks to me, and I can relate to that to a degree, which is why I say this. 

You deserve to be happy too, and you should remember that you too are a good person. Your worth is not determined by the times you’ve hurt people by accident. A worth is determined by what you do with that. I know people who KNOW that they normally hurt people because of misunderstandings. They actively choose not to do something about it. 

You don’t do that. You do try to fix things, or from what I’ve seen in some ooc posts, you try to hold back because you’re worried you’ll hurt someone again. Ultimately though, I do believe you’ll ask about it because you do worry about people a lot. I think, that is the quality that should be focused on. 

Now, I don’t say this just to be like ‘I’m trying to cheer you up.’ No, these sorts of memes are a time for me to be honest and talk about myself. 

I’m a very insecure kind of person and I’m very lonely, even if it may not seem that way. I can come off as detached, because I’m just wary of being hurt again. I’m just tired. Still, it’s been comforting to know that there is a person who still cares. 

Even if they are a bit scared, they still care. Perhaps you may not realize how much that can mean to a person, but it means so much to me. To know that occasionally if i’m upset, or even if i’m not, you do still look at my ooc posts and will interact with it (reply/like). If we talk via im at random, you do ask about how me or my family is doing, because you’re concerned. 

You remember i’ve been concerned about it, so you worry. It’s not a very common thing to find someone who actively worries and cares for other people. It’s normal for people to care in the moment, but not a lot of people (from personal experience) continue to care outside of that moment. Like, even if we hadn’t talked for a while, you still cared enough to worry about me. It’s clear with the way you asked me ‘are you okay?’. 

I didn’t post an ooc post saying that I was upset, so I was confused initially, but you did say you were worried bc the last we talked, I was worried about my family. That’s telling to how much you care for other people. I hope you don’t feel ashamed or anything about that quality of yours. It’s a good one. 

I tend to worry a lot for other people to, but I’m very worried about boundaries and over-stepping, so I don’t often brave asking outright if people are okay. It does take bravery to do such a thing. 

Pretty much, I just want to say thank you for being a friend, and for caring. It really means a lot to me. It helps me remember that there are people who care about me, for some reason. Even though I personally don’t think that I’m worth much, or that I personally do not believe i’m a good person (bc quite frankly, i’m not), but it’s so comforting to know that someone cares. 

Will openly admit that I cried a bit while writing this lol. Just hope that this helps somehow. Sorry, and thanks. 

[heartinme]

Two of my friends that I made plans with are ghosting rn its making me angry/panicky and idk what to do. I've waited on them for like 3 hours but they don't respond to my texts or answer my calls wtf do I do?

hey ♡I think you should give them an opportunity to explain why they did that but don’t be a fool and know your self worth. you don’t have time for people are going to waste your time, and make you sad and angry while doing it. friends don’t treat friends like that, and i’m sure if you did that to them they wouldn’t be happy. if it happens again then try to move on, don’t sit around waiting for them, you have other things to do, you can sit around for 3 hours being ignored, that’s not good for you and if this is a repetative thing then maybe it’s time to find people who don’t treat you like that, friendship is very much a 2 way street and it’s not fair for you to be the only one putting in all the effort and it doesn’t take ages for a simple ‘hey i have to cancel the plans tonight’ or ‘sorry i can’t make it’ text, so there’s no excuse for a 3 hour ghost unless something serious has happened. - Sophie 

[imkeepingtrack]

Recap: 15.5.19

Had a bad night. It didn't take that long to fall asleep, but I woke up around 5:30am, and thought I saw a massive spider (as in measured in metres not cm) thing with a lot of legs on the ceiling above my bed. I accidentally shouted out and had a panic attack hid under my weighted blanket. Eventually I called down enough to look out, fully expecting to see this giant spider thing, which if course I didn't. I was absolutely soaked with sweat and it wasn't fun. It took quite a while to get back to sleep.

Woke up again at 9:20, and got up. I was tired but I wasn't going to get back to sleep. S came at some time and we put on my laundry. I showed her my hand, and she didn't seem that concerned. A bit later she asked to see it again, and asked how I'd feel about getting checked, but left it up to me. Eventually I decided I wanted to, because it was quite feel and worrying me.

We went to the minor injuries unit again. We got there just before 12, but it was quite busy and I was getting panicky, and my head started to hurt and the world was spinning, so we left a bit before 1, without being seen. I was angry with myself for wasting S's time (and mine I guess).

When we got back I made my hand a bit worse. It was hurting all up and down my hand. I also poured some of the vodka from the bottle it came in into one of my metal water bottles.

We went to the city with bubble tea and it was good. I got a chocolate one which was new to me. We walked around 1 shop but that was plenty.

I spent the whole way back trying to work out whether to tell S about the vodka. I didn't.

When I got back I made my hand quite a bit worse. I extended the cut, and it bled quite a lot. Of course Mo chose that time to knock on my door with a big bag of lego. He saw my hand and said that going back to the MIU was now non-optional. He got me to give him the pencil sharpener (I only gave him the 1 I had used a blade from, and didn't tell him there was another) and then we went back to get my hand checked.

On the walk there he was asking why I did it etc. I told him I went to the supermarket last night and we agreed that while it's good that I managed by myself, it's not great that I was doing it just to get stuff to self harm.

We were there for an hour and a half and I was so done. We went through almost all of the magazines they had, and ended up playing noughts and crosses in the kids corner.

Mo came in with me to see the nurse. Somehow she knew what college I go to? She asked a lot more questions than the one on Saturday, which wasn't fun but was probably how it's meant to work. She was asking if I see a counsellor or whatever at college, if I'm on medication, and was going on about how of course my anxiety will be worse if I don't take it, and generally erghhhhhhhhh. I get it. I now have steri strips/butterfly strips (idk the name) on my hand, with a massive dressing/plaster thing, and a bandage with a thumb hole. It's going to take a miracle for me not to take them off way before I'm meant to. Mo was very clear that I need to leave them on, but seeing them is such a big trigger. The nurse said that because we left it quite a while before actually seeing anyone, it might be a bit late for the strip things to do anything, and it might just have to heal from the bottom up. At least part of it goes through every layer of skin though.

On the way back Mo was saying that we need to try and sort stuff so that I don't just sit in my room when I'm feeling like I am going to self harm. He was talking about texting whoever's running shift, going down to the office and either hanging about outside or going in, and it's all good, but my anxiety is the reason we're in this situation and that's what's stopping me from doing those things. Idk.

Just before we got back he asked if I had anything else I could use to self harm in my room. I did my not replying thing and he knew that meant yes, so he came up to my room. I gave him the second pencil sharpener, then he asked if I had anything else sharp, so I gave him both sets of nail clippers. He asked if I had scissors and I said yes but I'm not going to use them to self harm, because I'm not. Or at least I don't have a plan to currently. And explained that yes I have a razor, but no I'm not about to work out how to take the blades out.

Then he asked if I had anything else and I did the not replying thing. I just can't straight up lie to people's faces. He said he was going to stay in my room until I told him (not in a nasty way, it was actually helpful because I knew I wasn't going to get off with it). So he went through a list of things that were way off and I said no to, then asked if I had any "substances" (no reply), then if I had alcohol (no reply). He guessed it was vodka. I explained it gets rid of my anxiety (I decided to leave out that I knew it would make it easier for me to self harm more badly) and then he worked out which drawer it was in and took it. He said there was a lot gone and I must have ended up feeling terrible (not really), and asked if I had it mixed in the lemonade that was also in the same drawer. I said no. I didn't tell him I have a water bottle with a load in.

He said we'll just leave the vodka situation as it is. No one is allowed alcohol on site so I should be in trouble, but I had it under 24 hours and now Mo's got it. I also think he doesn't want to discourage me from telling staff things, which getting in trouble would do.

Mo said he thinks it would be a good idea for someone to go with me if I go on walks. If someone doesn't come I am likely to go and get things I shouldn't now that I know I can. I tend to be able to sneak out though so we'll see how that goes.

I sorted food with Mo, and ate it outside with a couple of other people around. Then went back to my room and didn't keep it down.

S came and we went up to a place where you can see the sunset. We didn't stay for that long so didn't actually see the sun set but it was nice. I said that if she wants to know the bad decisions I made in the shop she'd have to ask Mo. She said we need to plan more things into my timetable, because everyone agrees it's a really bad idea for me to just sit in my room.

I got my clean washing but it's just in a pile on my floor. I'm not sure I have it all, but I don't have the motivation to check.

The bag of lego Mo brought me is cool. It had an electric guitar nano blocks set (opened, but in the packet) in it, and I genuinely think that could work as a self harm distraction. It's fiddly enough that it does distract me, but isn't so complicated that it stressed me out and I give up, feeling worse than before I started.

I'm not feeling great but also my anxiety has been too bad to be able to go down to the office. I'm trying so hard to leave my hand alone but it's really not easy.

My annual review is at 12:30 tomorrow. I'm very anxious about it. Also my mum will be there and there's no way she won't see my hand. I talked to Mo about it and he said he's happy to explain the situation. I'm seeing P until 10:30, buy I'm not sure what I'll do after that. I used to go out with Mc but since she's got F's job we can't. Last week she got D to come but I'm not sure that will happen this week. Mo is going to meet me at 11:30 and we'll hang around and go into the room the meeting will be in as soon as we can, because if there are lots of people there before me I won't be able to walk in. I'm not feeling good at all about my mum finding out.

I almost want someone to ask how I supposedly drank a significant amount of vodka and then sat downstairs for 1.5 hours last night without the night staff noticing anything. It's mainly because I didn't drink nearly as much as is gone from the bottle but the self harm did sober me up a fair amount. I want someone to ask and realise I still have some. But also I want to be able to drink it when my anxiety is too bad to sit with. One of those things will happen.

I'm not going to drink tonight. My anxiety sucks but I'm not risking being hungover with P and for my annual review. I wasn't hungover today, but I did have a bad headache+dizziness combo a few more times than I would have liked. Maybe I'm just dehydrated, but idk.

P is going to be fun tomorrow. Apparently she'll know about the situation.

Food:

Prawn mayo sandwich, chocolate bubble tea - 2:00

Chicken nuggets, cheesy potato sticks with extra cheese - 7:00

Egg custard tarts, cookies - 11:00

[fatalism-and-villainy]

I really don’t know how I feel about kink stuff, tbh. (Re: myself, not re: ~morals~ or w/e.)

Like, I was operating on the assumption that I must have something in common with this subculture, but the more and more I think about the less sure I am about what it is. I was scrolling through stuff about it the other day and it kind of made me feel Bad and vaguely panicky - granted, I was in kind of a bad emotional place in general at that time, and I am very squeamish about bodies and injuries (rich from someone’s who several times certified in first aid/CPR/WFA) so pictures of Eroticized Bruises are going to put me off (bruises are just very nnnnghhhhhhh human tissue being vulnerable nOPE), but a lot of it seemed to stem from “what the fuck are these people talking about, this is like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life, where is this even coming from.”

It’s similar to top/bottom, butch/femme, I suppose stone-related stuff, in that having pre-inscribed “roles” attached to you just feels very unintuitive and kind of like an unpleasant/unfulfilling way of approaching sex (to me personally). And yes, I am aware that wanting mutuality is in fact the more “mainstream” way of wanting sex, and that I’m not, like, marginalized for having this POV, but. When you’re brainweird and this weird sex stuff and unorthodox approaches to sexual roles seems to come naturally to so many other brainweird people (even being treated as an extension of that weirdness), it’s easy to feel left out.

 And I think what I appreciated about kink approaches was the way they allowed for methods of deconstructing those roles that fell outside of the socially mediated “roles” that everyone takes for granted. But.... the roles are still there, still an expectation, and this whole approach of “i am inherently this way (dominant/submissive/etc/etc) and I can’t be fulfilled any other way,” is just. Not true for me and how I approach these things. 

(I guess that bit also relates to the rise of “born this way” style rhetoric in kink discourse. Which while I can understand as a response to invalidation, just doesn’t jive with the way I approach things. Because regardless of the truth value of any such statement regarding myself, I really don’t take pride in parts of myself being innate and unchangeable. In fact, it actually kind of makes me angry that I’m inescapably subject to my own neurochemistry, that our ability to self-determine is always going to be inherently held back by the limiting structures of our bodies and minds. Like, autism and aromanticism are the two things about myself that /do/ feel the most innate, and they’re the two things I have the most mixed feelings about. Whether or not that’s a chicken/egg response, idk... but making that lack of choice something to celebrate always puts me off.)

Um. Anyway, I guess the reason I’ve been thinking about this is because kink subcultures have always seemed like they would provide the kind of socialization and sexual negotiation that I’ve always talked about wanting (like, a lot of people on that post of epochryphal’s in response to mine were saying that they got that kind of Queer Friendship dynamic in kink spaces). But the problem is that I uhhhhh don’t Actually Have Any Kinks in a way that I feel would be meaningful to these people, because I’m not a dom or a sub or a masochist or a sadist. Pain is generally Bad, subspace sounds appealing but the assumption it’s something I could achieve seems like a failure of cause and effect cuz I’m pretty sure you actually have to be aroused by submission in order to get to that mental place, to make it distinguishable from just zoning out. The various sorts of sexual fixations I have on non-sexual things/aesthetics/whatever are also just not things that I really feel inclined to explore with actual people, and in fact in some cases I’d prefer not to (insert Sedgwick quote here). And I don’t Know of any other places that would approach sex in the way that’s most meaningful to me (regular queer spaces, from what I can tell, seem very Sanitized and talk-y and info 101-y and not very focused on the messy parts of the self). 

Also. also. This emphasis on “kink isn’t just about sex, it’s a Relationship Style,” and the way that what are essentially 24/7 relationships are being pushed to the forefront as the prototypical example of how kink functions (which is weird, because I feel like back in the day most of the people I saw online didn’t like 24/7 dynamics, or at least were skeptical of them as a starting off point in kink?) Like. I /need/ it to just be about sex. It doesn’t appeal to me otherwise. It’s not /unappealing/, it’s just unintelligible. I can’t understand the context unless it’s focused on some form of physical gratification, and I can’t understand the appeal if it’s not erotic, if it’s not about what is sexy. (This reminds me of back in the day when I was reading The Pervocracy, and they had that post about “if you think kink is just sex but hotter, then you’re probably not kinky, or you just don’t understand what it is” which holy shit does that still fuck me up and give off gatekeep-y vibes, and also what with the “vanilla sex is unfulfilling for many of us” refrain, wouldn’t you think that someone who thinks kink is hotter probably /is/ kinky, because it’s entirely possible that they’re also unfulfilled by vanilla sex???)

idk man. Why Can’t My Brain Just Be Weirder So I Can Have A Concrete Reason To Look For These Kinds of Spaces.     

[hamliet]

Hey i wanted to ask ur opinion in a serious subject, idk what's up with people but lately I have seen a lot of people using mental health and abusive past as an excuse of bad beheaveour and awful actions and idk but I feel really offended when people try to use that "Card" am I overreacting? I struggle with mental disorders because I suffered an abusive past and I know plenty of people as me and they r kind hearted people that do not bully or abuse others so i find it upseting that people

Try to use this things as an excuse for bad beheaveour stuff like oh I just did this cuz I have bad anxiety … do you Think that having an mental illness or an abusive past excuse you from bad Doings?

No, you aren’t overreacting. There is a strong difference between understanding what caused a behavior and excusing it. It is true that hurting people hurt others. But you are still hurting people, and it then creates more hurt which creates more hurt which… and on and on and on. Someone eventually has to say stop. But it’s hard as well. Mental illness and an abusive past are incredibly difficult for people to deal with (I deal with both) and it can be agonizing to handle. But hurting others in my pain still is not okay. 

As an example from my own life… I suffer from depression and obsessive-compulsive and C-PTSD symptoms. When I was at my lowest, I pretty much cut everyone off and withdrew from almost all my close relationships. Because I was hurting. But, in my hurting, I hurt people too–people who really loved me, when I legit just wouldn’t talk to them anymore. Fortunately, now that I’m on Zoloft and have been doing more/less better for over a year now (though I have really bad days too, it’s not like it was before), I was able to touch base with those people and apologize and repair those relationships. No one was really angry at me once I explained the cause, but I also made a point to acknowledge that they were hurt and I was sorry for hurting them. Because in my pain I caused them pain. 

If you are attempting to explain why you did something hurtful as a symptom of your illness, that’s brave of you. But I think it’s vital to acknowledge someone else’s pain, because if you don’t, you are in essence saying “my pain is more important than yours.” It’s not okay. I can understand and empathize with why someone might do something hurtful, but if you are not acknowledging the pain you are causing and not trying to do better, you aren’t helping. 

You aren’t helping yourself. You’re not going to get better if you don’t admit there’s a problem. Your hurt won’t go away by hurting someone else. You aren’t helping the people around you. And you aren’t helping the general stigma of mental illness by being like “well, it’s my illness talking so I can keep doing this as an example of what it’s like to live with this and who cares whom I’m hurting, aren’t I brave for raising awareness of what it’s like to live with this illness?” I see that attitude a lot on tumblr and as a mentally ill person, abuse survivor, and a former counselor myself, it really makes me feel sad, because it’s quite a myopic way of looking at things, and it’s really hurting you as well as hurting someone else. Your mental illness may be a significant part of the cause of you hurting someone, but you have a responsibility to say “I’m sorry, my anxiety was really bad and I lashed out. You didn’t deserve that, I will do better” or something along those lines–and then to take steps to try to do better. 

So yeah, having a mental illness and/or a tragic past does not excuse you. It does, however, warrant empathy. Ableism is a real thing and I’m kind of sensitive to it, and I hate it when people police the coping mechanisms of abuse victims because some are more societally acceptable (while being equally unhealthy as ones that aren’t). And it’s true that people should not be condemned, because unless you’ve walked their path with them, you can’t judge that you would react any differently. But you can say “stop hurting me.” And if you are the survivor or the one with a mental illness, you probably do warrant accommodations in a variety of ways (like, if I obsessively wash my hands, please know it is not an insult to the cleanliness of your place, or if I get tense and panicky at a certain sound it’s not that I’m afraid of you, it’s that I’m probably about to have a flashback), but ways that allow you to hurt someone aren’t (like lashing out at someone and then being like “I was just feeling anxious we’re cool right?”) 

The goal of therapy is often to replace maladaptive coping mechanisms (bullying would be one) with better coping mechanisms that are actually helping you heal (express your anger in writing, for example). I wish tumblr (and society in general) would be better at encouraging people to pursue such methods by giving someone who is struggling a safe place to express their pain but also having good boundaries (”I understand you’re feeling anxious. It’s still not okay to yell at me.”) 

*btw: you can be angry and express it without hurting someone* 

[sabgyupsal]

Sabrina Culture is:

- having irregular sleep schedules (may or may not be caused by the ff: anxiety, depression, cramming, waking up just to write about thoughts, binging tv series with brothers, drawing)

- either replying really fast or taking a week to reply, there is no in between

- high-waisted pants

- tucked in shirts

- big feet and I have to juggle between sizes 8 - 9

- not going to do something because it might mildly inconvenience the other person (like needing help in class but staying quiet instead like a dumbass)

- high levels of anxiety when turning on the stove at home bc it might burst into flames and engulf me

- high levels of anxiety when plugging something into an electrical socket bc it might spark and ground me

- falling asleep easily on transportation

- falling asleep on trains while standing up

- motion sickness when riding taxis or cars

- never ever having the guts to try spicy food I’ve never heard of before

- short hair

- having depressive episodes that last from hours to months and feeling random spikes of being happy?? in between

- impulsive bitch

- yellow

- Van Gogh enthusiasm

- Gustav Klimt enthusiasm

- inconsistent art style

- possession of sketch books that have been around since 5 years ago just to do redraws

- draws the same damn OCs every time

- listens to Kali Uchis and Lorde on really bad days

- repeats Melodrama multiple times in a day yet still doesn’t know all the lyrics to all the songs

- Melodrama > Pure Heroine

- crybaby

- has been a sensitive melodramatic ass since birth, parents can confirm

- fighting people in my head

- wanting to buy knuckle rings but is afraid the metal detectors at the train stations will go off on them

- will have a bad image of you if you litter shit anywhere else but the garbage can

- will have a bad image of you if you spit on the street randomly

- English as a first language

- having a face so asymmetrical that if you half my face you will get two different looks (my eyebrows have different lengths, my right eye is bigger, my nose slants to the right, my jaw slants to the right, my ears are differently shaped, and even my hairline is a lopsided crow’s peak)

- having extra bones on the sides of my feet

- anime hands

- long nails

- having a ring on my left hand given to me 10 years ago by my mom but everyone keeps asking if it’s from a boyfriend

- wanting to be goth/punk but even my friends do not support it

- glasses

- having a long-ass name and being asked if I ever had difficulty during childhood in writing it

- being told that my name is really long and being asked the reason why

- actually likes all colors of the rainbow and those outside the rainbow but is really always associated with yellow bc it’s the most flattering color for my skin and hair

- being told that I’m pale

- being pale

- gets cold easily

- eats like a bird

- fluctuating weight due to bad dietary habits and stress issues

- growing fat and then being told to lose weight

- losing weight and then being told to grow fat

- history of fainting due to anxiety, dysmenorrhea, heat stroke, or poor health

- losing sense of time at random moments and it feels like I’m outside my body?? idk haha what is this

- not knowing how to ride a bike bc I was scared every time I tried it

- never in a serious relationship before

- despite being 19 is still not allowed to have a relationship

- despite being 19 is still not allowed to go out and drink

- despite being 19 is still not allowed to work part time to help parents with their expenses on my tuition

- can express better through art than through words

- can feel more emotions through visual art than through words

- Not Good Enough

- in need of constant validation bc I’m such an annoying and desperate dumb bitch :(

- never wants to tell a lie!! (does it in some cases to keep secrets and such)

- transient feelings if there’s a whopping amount of uncertainty

- does not get too excited when meeting a guy who ticks all the boxes for my ideal guy bc I don’t like idealizing people

- not being a sapiosexual bc I have been around a lot of intelligent people who are pretentious assholes and bullies

- personality > intelligence

- anime

- being able to read people easily while others are complaining that I am hard to read

- quiet when upset

- quiet when depressed

- sometimes quiet when anxious, sometimes panicky

- first panic attack landed me in the hospital

- having a lot of things my friends don’t know about me bc I never felt it was important to bring them up or to be open about it

- seasonal affective

- crying when full of anger bc it’s so overwhelming

- avoiding being angry so I won’t have to cry like a bitch

- recovers slow from sicknesses (physical and mental)

- weak immune system

- being constantly told how I almost DIED at five years old due to dengue fever

- feeling the spooks but not seeing them

- vivid storytelling

- memory problems

- retelling stories bc I constantly forget that I already told those stories

- not remembering a lot of important things under stress

- being deathly scared I am going to have Alzheimer’s in the future :(

- myopic

- looking like a snobby bitch when that is just my normal face

- friendzoning bc I mistakenly led people on when I thought they were just being polite

- slow when it comes to matters of the heart

- only believing someone likes me when I hear it directly from them

- feels guilt and shame when accidentally destroying friendships by friendzoning

- thinks about every? damn? thing???

- goes to the extremes to not be publicly humiliated and will sometimes cry out of shame even if it was done in jest

- fighting back tears when a friend cries

- believing that my personality was never my own and is just fragments from the environment and from observation being pieced together to form one cohesive sadass

- trusting easily at first but has a hard time trusting again when that trust is broken

- ptsd

- not being able to breathe when someone is angrily clacking the plates while washing

- BEING EASILY FRIGHTENED WHEN YELLED AT AND WILL GO INTO A PANIC ATTACK

- not holding grudges and not taking revenge on past bullies bc they were immature and changed now

[urdearestmom]

100 Questions

Tagged by @bob-newby-superhero thanks!!

1. What is your nickname? Sari, Sarita, Sarinha

2. How old are you? 18

3. What is your birth month? December

4. What is your zodiac sign? Sagittarius

5. What is your favourite colour? Green!

6. What’s your lucky number? 17 because it’s my birthday lmao

7. Do you have any pets? No but I really want a cat. Everyone in my family has dogs

8. Where are you from? I’m Luso-Canadian (my family is from Portugal but we live in Canada)

9. How tall are you? My driver’s license says 160 cm but the doctor told me 163. Either way, around 5’3”

10. What shoe size are you? Uhh depends on the shoe but usually 6.5-7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Many, but I always wear the same shit lol

12. Are you random? Sometimes, I guess

13. Last person you texted? I texted myself pictures from my mom’s phone. Last message in general was to @eljane-hoppers

14. Are you psychic in any way? Haha sometimes I think I am, but my mom is more >:^)

15. Last TV show watched? Saw an episode of Four Weddings on TLC this morning

16. Favourite movie? The Book Thief or The Greatest Showman

17. Favourite show from your childhood? iCarly!! Used to watch it religiously after school every day it was on

18. Do you want children? Yes, but definitely not right now lmao

19. Do you want a church wedding? Kind of yeah. It’ll depend on who I end up marrying but it’d probably be some kind of disgrace if I didn’t get married in a church

20. What is your religion? I am Catholic

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yup tons of times, whether for myself or other people

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nope, I am a Child of God™

23. How is life? Could be better, probably, but it’s pretty chill right now

24. Baths or showers? Showers, but I also really like baths

25. What colour socks are you wearing? Bold of you to assume I’m wearing socks at all

26. Have you ever been famous? I mean if you google my name the results are me. I was on CBC because I was in the national spelling bee in 2012

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I feel like it’d be fun and cool for a while but then I’d get tired of it. I don’t like having people all up in my business and that seems like what life is like for big celebrities :/ But having a lot of influence would be awesome

28. What type of music do you like? Literally anything except country music (I’m not all that into rap/trap music either, but I can appreciate it from time to time) here’s a playlist of my favourite stuff it’s like seven hours long but if you go through it you’ll see it’s really all kinds :)

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Maybe and I don’t remember? My childhood was a questionable era

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2, both under my head

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I usually fall asleep on my side but I almost always wake up on my back so I don’t actually know how I’m sleeping

32. How big is your house? 2 stories and a basement

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cup of milk with something else, usually a bowl of cereal or bread/croissant with Nutella

34. Have you ever left the country? YeET I’ve been to Portugal a bunch of times, Spain once, and to France on a 5-hour layover but we didn’t leave the airport and I don’t remember it anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

35. Have you ever tried archery? Does it count if it was on Wii Sports? And yeah once and I was terrible at it

36. Do you like anyone? I think so and it sucks because he’s my friend :(

37. Favourite swear word? Probably fuck, I say it a lot. But I also say shit a lot so I mean idrk

38. When do you fall asleep? Oof regularly past midnight, but the time varies

39. Do you have any scars? A giant burn mark on my leg and a very faint lil thing on my right hand from this time I accidentally did an entire flip in my driveway

40. Sexual orientation? Was previously sure I was straight but I’m kind of starting to question that?

41. Are you a good liar? I like to think that I’m a very convincing actress

42. What languages would you like to learn? Mm I already speak Portuguese (if you ever wanna learn something hmu), and I learned some French because that’s mandatory in Canada but I dropped it and I want to get back into it. So, French! I also learned some German this year and I might continue with it. Also maybe Spanish, I can already understand some

43. Top 10 songs? Umm

Love Is A Battlefield - Pat Benatar

Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions

Theme From New York, New York - Frank Sinatra

True Faith - New Order

Age Of Consent - New Order

A Million Dreams - The Greatest Showman OST

Second Waltz - Dmitri Shostakovich

Power Of Love - Celine Dion

Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry

Halo - Beyonce

44. Do you like your country? Canada? Yeah, I love it except for the stupid ass weather. I get sick every fucking time the season changes

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yeeee!! They’re all awesome people

46. What is your personality type? INFP- there’s more info here if you want to know what that means

47. Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw ftw bitches

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yesssss

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? Buzzfeed told me that, based on my music taste, I am “a student of classic rock like School of Rock’s Dewey Finn” (but actually HA I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LOVED JACK BLACK IN THAT MOVIE)

50. Left or right handed? Righttttt

51. Are you scared of spiders? They don’t scare me as much as induce some kind of panic, but it really depends what kind of spider. Really little ones are actually kind of cute, but big spiders send me into cardiac arrest

52. Favourite food? Akjsnfskd PASTA

53. Favourite foreign food? Idk man I’m already picky af with my food. If I live in Canada does that make the Portuguese food I eat on a daily basis foreign because if so I loooooove me some fuckin barbecued chicken

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Fairly clean. If I wasn’t my mother would hurt me lol

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Idk probably figure out how to pee standing up, maybe make use of the ability to lie on my stomach without hurting my chest :)

56. What colour underwear? I think this is turquoise

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Depends what I’m getting ready for. On a regular day, ten minutes tops. If I’m going out to an event it can be upwards of an hour; sometimes less, sometimes more

58. Do you have much of an ego? Idk if it’s ego so much as me being confident in myself. Anyone who has a problem with me and decides to be rude about it can suck my non-existent dick

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I try to suck them but it never lasts for long, I almost always bite them unless I’m really concentrating on not biting

60. Do you talk to yourself? Lmfao only ALL THE TIME

61. Do you sing to yourself? Yeee

62. Are you a good singer? I don’t think I’ll blow out your eardrums but I know I’m not the best either. I’ll just say I’m not terrible

63. Biggest Fears? Heights and deep water

64. Are you a gossip? I live for drama does that make me a gossip

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Yeah if I’m talking to someone I’m very comfortable with (my cousin for example) or if I’m trying to be petty

66. Do you have long or short hair? Long! I’m growing it out so I can be really dramatic and chop it all off later (also thinking of donating it)

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? I can name almost all of them but I always forget a few. I think it’s pretty good considering I was never taught American geography

68. Favourite school subject? Instrumental music and history were my favourites

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Idk I guess extroverted introvert? Is that a thing???? I’m really awkward and panicky in social situations with people I don’t know but if I have friends around I’m just here to have the time of my life

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No

71. What makes you nervous? Having to talk to people I don’t know (it literally makes me panic it’s horrible)

72. Are you scared of the dark? Sometimes, yeah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Lmao ok this depends on who the person is and if I’m in that kind of mood (but when I was a kid I used to correct my teachers)

74. Are you ticklish? Yes very

75. Have you ever started a rumour? No

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes, I’ve been to Portugal a bunch of times, Spain once, and France on a layover

77. Have you ever drank underage? Chugged a cup of beer by accident when I was 6 oops

78. Have you ever done drugs? No but even if I had I don’t think I would say it here unless it was something minor like weed

79. What do you fantasize about? Travelling the world!!!!! And like, being a successful adult because right now I have no idea what the actual fuck I’m doing with my life

80. How many piercings do you have? Two, one in each ear

81. Can you roll your Rs? You gotta in Portuguese! I’m also fairly sure my French and German pronunciations are pretty much on point most of the time so I can do those types of R sounds as well

82. How fast can you type? Pretty fast on my phone and not slow on my laptop either (when you’re a writer you end up learning to type faster than you thought you would lol)

83. How fast can you run? Oof I’m not slow when I first start off but that only goes for like max 10 seconds

84. What colour is your hair? Dark brown

85. What colour are your eyes? Also dark brown

86. What are you allergic to? Bigots

87. Do you keep a journal? I have a diary I’ve had since I was like 10 but I don’t write in it very often. I also have a notebook where I write down fic ideas and outline plots

88. Are you depressed about anything? I actually think I might have seasonal depression or something but I’m not sure

89. Do you like your age? Yeah I guess being 18 is cool

90. What makes you angry? People who refuse to listen to reason

91. Do you like your own name? Yes it means princess!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? No but I ate lead once

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? No preference as long as it is alive and healthy

94. What talents do you have? Uhh I can play two instruments and will be learning a third does that count? I just remembered I can also balance a spoon on my nose

95. Sun or moon? Moon

96. How did you get your name? My mom had a friend named Sara when she was a kid and she always liked the name so here I am having been named Sara

97. Are you religious? Kind of? I don’t go to church very often but I think I believe in God (I believe that there’s something, at least). I’ve also received all the Sacraments that I can (as of right now that’s baptism, first communion, and confirmation)

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Nope

99. Colour of your bedspread? Right now it’s just plain white

100. Colour of your room? Bright green!

Yeet I’m finished! Took forever ‘cause I kept getting interrupted but oh well

tagging: @eljane-hoppers @hannahberrie @mikeywheelerr @queer-deckovskij