#fem losers club

[coloringthebanner]

haven’t posted art for a hot minute but my brain has once again been consumed by these maggots called fem losers

[artsy-cactus]

the Gals babieeeee. pictured here in their unnatural habitat (at the roller rink. probably watching a fistfight or smth)

[derryallergy]

the crowd is silent. we anxiously await for someone to appear on stage. we realize nobody is coming. i decide to take one for the team. i sneak through the aisles and crawl up on the stage. my sweaty palms reach out for the microphone. i begin to speak but the piercing sound of the mic feedback cuts me off. i try again. "fem losers club band au", i speak into the mic. the crowd is still silent. i fear i have ruined my reputation. just then, the audience starts to clap erupts in cheers of joy. i am lifted off the stage and i crowd surf through the audience. the people carry me out of the auditorium and through the streets. i end up at the mayor's office. i am given the key to the city. i am then automatically elected president of the united states. the people love and worship me endlessly. my legacy lives on for centuries. thank you.

[ithoughtghostsjustfloatedaway]

finally got it working, but i made a fem losers community!

anyone is welcome to join (it’s set to request to join as to avoid any bots, but anyone else will be approved :) ) & we’d love to have you!

i’m still figuring out how it all works, so it might be small & slow at first, but it’ll be a fun place to talk/share all things fem losers :)))

if you have any questions, want to help mod, etc. feel free to ask!! (i tend to see more notifs from my ask boxes than my messages but feel free to reach out either way)

i hope this is something people are interested in & want to share!! love ya babes

x cam

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

hey,,, hey so i think abotu my losers club descendants au literally every day,,, like every single day without fail,,, i could talk about them for nine hundred hours (shhh i know i literally onyl ever posted one chapter of them ignore that)

extra richie doodle i really liked/base sketch below cut:

[babybluelove2]

this is the most niche problem ever but i struggle SO MUCH trying to give the losers female names bc i need a name that goes with their nicknames as richie tozier is forever richie tozier (so on and so forth) but none of them fit!! keeping with the richie example: i know too many rachels and richelle is perfect for richie but it is not richie but really is richard richie either? richard tozier HAH cant believe thats his name. and also if mike is michelle then there is too many elles and my name is danielle which doesnt really matter but it does to me

[losersclublol]

Tiny thought. Richie found out how to edit(but not really) so now she makes these fuck ass edits of the losers. Her personal fav is one of stan when they were sick with hellovenus’ ‘I’m ill’ playing, strobe lights and transitions with photos of stan just miserable and sneezing

[suekeyyyy]

-Perverts of Derry-

✩ IT (2017) ᙭ Oᑕ'Տ✩

𝘉𝘢𝘥 ՏᑌᗰᗰᗩᖇY: Five "sɪsᴛᴇʀs" ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴀ sᴍᴀʟʟ ᴛᴏᴡɴ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ᴅᴇʀʀʏ ғᴏʀ ᴛᴇɴ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs. ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʟʟ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ғᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴇʀᴠᴇʀᴛs 𝘙𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦,𝘌𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘦,𝘏𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘺,𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬 ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴋɪʟʟᴇʀ ᴄʟᴏᴡɴ.

ᗯᗩᖇᑎIᑎᘜՏ: sᴍᴜᴛ, ʙᴀᴅ ᴡᴏʀᴅs, sᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴀssᴀᴜʟᴛ, ᴄʀᴀᴢʏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ, ʙᴀᴅ ʟᴏɢɪᴄ, ᴋɪʟʟɪɴɢ, ʀᴀᴘᴇ, ғʟᴜғғ, ᴄʟᴏᴡɴs, ғɪʀᴇ.

Ｃｏｍｍｉｎｇ ｓｏｏｎ...

[willowvexx]

[billdenbroughsgirl]

nap time ♡ bill denbrough

♡ pairing: bill denbrough x fem!reader

a/n ♡ first tumblr post! i’ve been writing fics for a few years now, but i’ve started to really like my work & want to share it! please send requests !

♡ summary: reader goes to bill’s baseball game, and afterwards, they fall asleep cuddling <3

♡ word count: 376 :)

♡ one week ago ♡

you climb onto the bed, and lie your head on bill’s chest, your cheek against his shirt. “i missed you.” you mutter lazily. he’d been at one of his baseball games, and you’d been bored out of your mind at home. “it’s buh-been an h-hour.” he replies, his hands moving to your head, starting to play with your hair. “a very long hour.” you hear him chuckle softly. “muh-maybe you should c-come next t-t-time.” he suggests. “really?” you lift your head from his chest and look at him. he nods, a small smile on his face.

you bounce on your heels, waiting for bill to come over to the bike rack, where you’d agreed to meet. after what feels like forever, you spot him walking towards you. “bill!” you exclaim, running towards him with your arms out. you see a smile light up his face, and he stretches his arms out as you reach him. “that was so cool!” you say, your voice muffled by his arms around you. “y-yeah?” he asks, and you nod. “mhm! you’re really good.” he kisses the top of your head, “th-thank you,” before pulling away from the hug, “you r-ready to go?” he asks, and you nod. the two of you walk the short distance to the bike rack. you hop onto your bike, a cherry red cruiser with a woven basket, and bill gets onto silver.

you’re lying on your back on bill’s bed, waiting for him to get out of the shower. “hurry up!” you call out, partially joking. a moment later, he opens his bedroom door, and you sit up. pulling a ringer tee over his head, he says “j-jesus christ, y/n, be puh-patient.” you shake your head. “i was! you just take forever in the shower!” he rolls his eyes, but you can see a small smile on his face. “yeah, oh-okay.” he walks over to his bed, and you move so he can get comfortable. lying down on his back, he motions you back, patting his chest. you smile, and lay your head down, closing your eyes. “‘m gonna take a nap,” you mumble sleepily, feeling his hand on your head, stroking your hair. “a-alright. s-sleep well, y-y/n.” you smile. “you too, bill.”

[coloringthebanner]

happy halloween from some (quickly sketched) gals!

[artsy-cactus]

The Well House; 29 Neibolt Street

+ detail shots

++ background

PLEASE click for better quality!! ❤️❤️

[mentally-unstable-hottie13]

⭐️Senior year sucks ⭐️

Henry Bowers x FEM!reader

Chapter 1 here

Chapter summery: you and Kevin get into some fun shenanigans, Henry is becoming a little more than just an asshole to you.

Word count: 3,055

Estimated read time: 14 minutes.

Chapter Tw: violence against female reader, swearing, name calling, bruising.

A/N: we are finally getting into some reader x Henry territory but, please understand. Henry is a complex and mean character. The pair here have some hurdles to get over before they can get to where we want. This is a dark slower burn story. Have fun!

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Chapter 4

You can try the cops

The 4 teenage boys fuck around in the back CD section and it is so disgustingly obvious that they are stealing shit. After they pocket whatever they find interesting, they wander around the store aimlessly for 5 minutes. Only stopping to look at any album with a half naked girl on it. You quickly push the little red button under the counter and continue strumming. You were glad you had put on your cardigan to hide your tattoo before you came to work. You can hear killer and Kevin in the back playing. That made you smile.

The boys finally decide they are done and try to head out the door. The tall one with longer black hair reached for the door only to find that it’s been locked.

“What the fuck? It’s locked?” He looks back at the other boys before they all look to you.

“Open the fucking door” the tall boy grits.

“Empty your pockets.” You calmly state without even looking up from where your fingers are meeting the strings.

“What the fuck did you just say you little shit?” Bowers spits at you. You wonder what his first name was. Surely it can’t be Bowers. That’s a dumb fucking first name.

You roll your eyes and set the guitar in a stand beside you before rising from your seat.

“I said empty your pockets. And I’d be quieter if I was you, boss is really cracking down on stealing these days. Last thing we all want is the cops here. But ya’know if y’all wanna try the cops nerves be my guest. I’m tryna help you.” They all look to Bowers and with an angry grunt he puts 2 CD’s on the counter. The rest of the boys follow suit and drop a total of 6 CD’s. You look at the price labels. The total came to about $56.

“There.” He fumed at you. “Unlock the fucking door” he demanded.

“Not just yet.” You pull out the scanner and scan all the CDs. you could see the chubby and blonde boys grow pale. You knew that they didn’t have the money. They thought you were charging them. You were right, the total came to $56 and a couple cents. You bag up all 6 of the disks and put the bag on the counter. Bowers and the tall kid were glaring at you, looking about ready to leap over the counter and kill you. You pull out your wallet and put the money into the cash register before unlocking the doors.

“Enjoy the CD’s!” You smiled nastily at them.

The chubby kid snatched the bag from the counter and they all stomped away. You giggle. God those boys were just nasty with the way they behaved. You sat back in your spinning chair

Kevin came out again with a new filled crate.

“Those fuckers give you any issues?” He prodded.

“Nope,” you smiled.

“Did they steal anything?”

“Nope I made sure”

Kevin watches the boys argue through the front window. They yell at each other then pile into that sporty blue car.

“What kinda car is that?” You ask

“Issa Trans Am. Really nice car.” Kevin’s answers quickly.

“What’s that Bowers kids name? Everyone calls him Bowers but that’s a dumb ass name I refuse to believe that’s it.” You snort.

“Henry” Kevin answers while going back to re-stocking.

Hm. Henry Bowers. He’s cute. Just your type. Kinda an asshole. But that doesn't make him less attractive.

“How’s about you help me with all these so we can finish before 9 and go to the store. I need some real food.”

“Bet” you hop up and go to him.

The two of you listen to music, laugh and giggle and play with killer while you work. You had gotten done about an hour early and the sun had already set. Kevin locks up, tosses your bike into the back and y’all head to the nearest grocery store.

The adventure in the store wasn’t very long. The pair of you got a lot of looks from workers about how much fun you were having. Kevin would try on a maternity dress and continue to shop in it. You would take a stab at juggling some metal cans. At one point Kevin hopped in the cart with killer and you ran with the cart down a straight shot before hopping up to ride the cart with them. You quickly crashed into a barrel of watermelons. Before security could kick y’all out you grabbed the last of what y’all needed and paid. It was raining. The sun was gone and it was raining. It was beautiful.

Kev's truck was the only one in the middle of the almost completely vacant parking lot. A few campers were parked here and there and a few cars were hidden in the shadows of the very edges of the lot. You ran to the truck with Kev and laughed. As soon as you reached the truck and he unlocked the tailgate he threw you the keys to start her up. You turned the key in the ignition and the truck bounced to life. The radio started playing “she's out of her mind” by Blink-182.

You turn it all the way up and jump out of the truck and appear in front of your friend who had just finished putting up the groceries.

You grab his hand and take him and killer a little bit away from the truck and start dancing to the music with him. You couldn’t dance. You knew you weren’t good at it. But for now you don't have to be good at it. You had to be you. Just you Kevin and killer, dancing in the rain. Kevin spun you and dipped you to the upbeat lyrics.

I’m in deep with this girl but she’s out of her mind!

You jumped and squealed with laughter while Kevin picked you up above I his head and spun.

She said babe I’m sorry but I’m crazy tonight!

He set you down for just a moment before he pointed at you and shimmied for the next set of words.

She’s got a black shirt, black skirt, and Bauhaus stuck in her head!

You laughed and twirled like the song was about you

He took killer by the paws and began to pretend to waltz with him.

I’m in deep with this girl but she’s out of her mind!

All of you, including killer , began to do that funny kind of dancing where you just jump. You and Kevin yelled with the remaining part of the lyrics and then the song ended.

You and Kevin couldn’t stop laughing. You close your eyes for a breather and without warning Kevin picked you up and hauled you over his shoulder. You began to twist and cackle while he took you and killer back to the truck. You all take a breath and Kev drives out of the lot. You sit, laughing, heaving breathing, and shivering from the rain

On the ride home you were really able to get a good look at your best friend. You hadn’t really looked at him since you’ve been here. He’s taller. You remember him being tall but he's really tall, maybe 6’2? 6 '4 even? His skin is darker. You knew he had a lot of work to do on his property but you didn’t think it would give him the tan nor the muscle it did. He wore glasses and had tattoos. Some new. Some old. They were so distinctly him. You could never imagine him without his tattoos. He had longer hair but not shoulder length. It was shaggy on top and in the back but well kept around the ears. You knew it was because he fucking hated the feeling of hair on his ears. His hair, your hair, his moms hair. Anyone’s fucking hair touched this dudes ears and he would go on a rampage.

You get home and put up all the groceries before showering and getting ready for bed. You usher killer onto the bed to shut off the light. Today was pretty okay. You were glad you got Kev to relax. You both needed some slack. You hoped tomorrow would be good too.

Little did you know tomorrow would only be the start of a living hell. What was it with you and not seeing people that ought to be seen in darkness?

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Your morning was uneventful and repetitive as you got ready and rode to school. You made your way to your Chem class 2 minutes early and took the window seat. It was due to rain again within the hour. You wanted to see it. Henry be damned. You look out the open classroom window before closing your eyes with a deep inhale. You were wearing another sweater but you still felt a chill as the wind gently caressed your body. Maybe you should have brought an umbrella.

You hear someone beside you sit before knocking into your chair. The only logical answer was Henry. You open your eyes and turn to make contact with the one and only Henry Bowers. He looked mad. Whether about the store or the seat you didn’t know, but you tried your best to ignore him. That task proved difficult as he kicked your chair and knocked your shit off your desk all class. What a childish asshole!

This would be a long fuckin day.

You carried on about the next 2 periods with little to no problem, but you were the last to exit your third period classroom. Even the teacher had fled out as the lunch bell rang. As you get up to leave and find the group someone came up behind you, grabbed your arm and yanked you back.

“¡Ayee!¿¡Qué La chingada!? Bro! What the fuck?!”You yelled, turning around to see none other than Henry bowers.

Oh fuck. You think to yourself. You are in a completely empty class with a fucking crazy person and no one is going to be coming back for at least another 45 minutes.

“What do you want, Bowers?” You asked indignantly, holding your head up.

“I know what you are~” he says to you in a crazy almost singsong way.

“What the fuck are you talking about” you are getting increasingly annoyed with his hand on you.

His face grows angry as he pushes you into a wall before getting in your face.

“You’re A fucking whore.” He spits. You can feel the heat of his face lapping at yours from how close he is , but you don’t flinch. You won't cower. “I should have known from the fucking second you came into my town, that you were a fucking prostitute!”

You pushed him away and tried to walk out. “I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about!” You shout as you try to pass him.

“Don’t fucking walk away from me!” He shouts, grabbing you roughly by the arm. It hurt so bad it felt like his skin was made of fire, burning your flesh.

“DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!” You scream and turn to smack him across the face.

He stumbles back and you take the opportunity to flee. You don’t look back as you leave Henry in the classroom and run to your bike rack where the rest of the group is waiting for you.

“Woah! what the fuck happened to you?” Richie asks loudly. Making everyone look at you. You had tears down your face and you were panting from running.

“A-a-a-are you ok?” Billy asked you, stepping closer.

You haven’t been this panicked since your mother…

“He-“ you huffed and gulped trying to get the word out. “Henry” you finally said. Everyone looks at each other and Beverly steps forward.

“Did he hurt you?” She asks worriedly.

You look away from her eyes and move your arm, telling her all she needs to know.

“Can I see?” She gently takes your hand and tries to get your eyes' attention.

You didn’t want this. What if they told people about your tattoos? You just got here! This place is so old fashioned in its views you haven’t even seen any adult other than Kev with tattoos. You’ll be ground into mud.

“Please.” You sob to her. “Don’t tell anyone.”

She nods at you and you want to believe her. “We won’t tell anyone” she looks at the others. “Right boys?” They all nod and try to lean in to get a closer look. Beverly pulls up the sleeve of your sweater to reveal the green vines that have been stained into your gentle skin. Her eyes crawl over every scar the tattoo has covered. From small circular ones to deeper older ones. She eventually pulls your sleeve up to your elbow to reveal that at the top of your forearm is the shape of a hand that’s already starting to bruise.

“It’s just a bruise. It doesn't appear to be broken” she smiles gently at you.

“W-w-w-woah. That’s beautiful” Billy says in regards to the vines.

You smile. “You guys can’t tell anyone?” you repeat.

“We won’t.” Beverly states.

“Good idea though.” Eddie pipes up. “Ya know. Hiding them. People here don’t like that kinda stuff.”

“Yeah I noticed” you huffed a laugh.

“L-l-l-looks like you are finally a part of the losers club.” Billy smiles wide.

“Losers club?”

“You’ve become a target for Bowers. That makes you one of us now! Welcome to the club of losers! Where no one really likes us and we don’t really like anyone else!” Richie announces like a game show host. You snort.

“Yeah. That sounds good” you pause. “By the way… how fuckin old are y’all? I been meaning to ask and legit can not figure it out.”

You all laugh.

Beverly answers you sweetly. “We are all sophomores. You?”

“Oh shit, I’m a senior.”

They all nod and laugh. All of you continue talking until lunch is over.

“I think I’m gonna head home early today. I ain’t want another run in with that asshole.” You take your bike off the rack as the end of lunch bell rings. They all wave you goodbye as you ride away. You get to the shop early and greet Kevin as usual.

“Honey I’m home!” You shout. The customers shopping look at you funny. Kevin runs out and looks at you.

“Hey why are you here? School isn’t out for like another 4 hours?” He scratched his head in confusion.

“Bad day. I didn’t wanna deal. Plus it’s only the second day. They usually don’t start teaching till the 4th day or so.”

You hugged super quick and you changed into your work clothes in the back room and sat with killer because technically you weren’t supposed to be working right now and all the restocking was done yesterday. After about an hour Kevin came into the back room to talk to you.

“Hey I- woah, who gave you the print?” He pointed at your arm.

You didn’t usually like lying to Kevin but you felt like now was the time. “Some bitch in calc grabbed me thinking I was someone else. That’s the problem when everyone here dresses like women in the 50’s who were finally permitted to wear pants” at this he snorted.

“I gotta head out for a sec, come watch the front with killer till I get back.” He tossed you the keys and left. The store was as quiet and slow as it usually is so you sat on your phone and listened to some music. You were relaxed and found euphoria in being alone and having time to yourself. That was until someone came in. He grabbed you by your hair over the counter to make you look at him. Henry fucking Bowers. Killer started going crazy and took Henry’s pant leg before Henry kicked him.

“Calm down your bitch before I fucking kill it!!” He screamed at you.

You sobbed and agreed. “Killer!” The dog immediately stilled. “Down boy!” The dog calmed down, whimpering, and pawed into the back room. You swear sometimes that dog was a little too well trained.

“What the FUCK do you want Henry?!” You gritted out.

He gets up in your ear. “I want you to know that I know everything.”

“Oh my god! What the fuck are you talking about, you redneck asshole!?” His grip on your hair tightens.

“I know that you are whoring yourself out to the owner of this shop” he laughs.

“WHAT?!” You yell. So caught off guard you aren’t even focused on the pain anymore.

“I fucking saw you In the parking lot last night and the creepy fuck drives you to his house every day. You're telling me a 40 year old man comes to my town, lives alone for years and then suddenly the only girl he ever has is a freshly 18 piece of ass?!”

“IM NOT FUCKING KEVIN!”

“BULLSHIT!”

“It’s not bullshit!! He was my best friend's brother!! His tattoos are fucking older than me!!! I had no where else to go so he offered that I stay with him, now for fucks sake let me go!” You punch Henry in his stomach and he stumbles back into a shelf making all the CD’s fall on him.

“Oh fuck” you gasp, running from behind the counter and over to him. “Shoot, I didn't mean to hit you that hard. ¿Estás herido?”(are you hurt?) You try to touch his shoulder to see if he’s okay and he punches you square in the face.

“Agh! FUCK” you hold your hand over your eye. “What the hell is your damage you dick!?” You yell at him as you back away.

Henry stands and goes to walk out of the store. “You are so fucking dead new kid. I’m gonna fuckin ruin you.” He says “calmly” as he walks out the door. You go to the bathroom and look at your eye in the old mirror. Fuck. There was already a shiner starting to form. You look at the clock to see that it’s only fifth period in school right now. No way this mother fucker ditched just to fuck with you. You hurry back out onto the floor and try to get the CD’s back on the display. Bad thing is that some of the disks came out of the case from all the commotion, leaving the disks scratched and damaged. As you were trying to pick up Kevin came back with some food in hand only to see you on the floor cleaning with a bruise on your face.

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Hope you liked it!

Chapter 5 here

Updates will now be every Monday unless stated.

[ithoughtghostsjustfloatedaway]

ok wair actually i Do have a question. FOR your fem losers designs do you have like. Specific reasons for why you designed them that way?

this is actually so sweet tysm for this question, i love my gals & don’t feel like i get to talk about them much!!

might be a bit long so i’ll put it under the cut

for my fem!losers designs, i took inspiration from the movies, other artists’ fem losers designs, & even some fanfics. i looked at a bunch of things & sketched a bunch before i came to what their designs are currently. & their designs are still changing, i’m always tweaking what they look like, but they’ve stayed relatively the same since i started drawing them as girls back in 2021. it’s mostly just finding a mix of making them look like their film counterparts, taking my own creative liberties, & just what seems right

as for more specifics, some of the designs just felt right & others i have a lot more hcs & reasons for why they look the way they do. for bill, mike, & ben, i don’t have a ton of hcs atm for why i designed them the way i did, they just felt right. bill seems like a short haired girl & she doesn’t seem like a huge dress girl. mike seems like she’d have big curls-that she always keeps back- & is more about practicality than style (tho bev loves to dress her up & she definitely doesn’t argue). ben would wear her hair back more often than not cuz it doesn’t draw attention, & she wears lots of skirts & big t-shirts for the same reason. & besides that i just wanted to make all their hair colors stand out more so i made bill’s a bit more red & ben’s more blonde than brunette.

stan is fun cuz i feel like she looks the most similar to her canon counterpart (at least, i try(?)), but i still take my liberties. she’s got more strawberry blonde hair, & she’s got big curls. i think she wouldn’t care for them much when she was younger but once she learned how to maintain them she grew to love her curls. i also draw her in a lot more preppy-styled, modest clothes cuz i think it just makes sense (cuz of her parents)

richie’s fun cuz i feel like her who design just makes sense? she’s got big hair (i made a whole post on my hair hc for her a while ago), of which she grows out & cuts throughout her life. she likes to keep part of it pulled up usually too, for variety (but mostly cuz she lets eddie borrow her scrunchies when she wants to pull her hair up & richie loves when eddie wears her scrunchies but you didn’t hear that from meeee) she wears a lot of mismatched clothes, lots of ripped jeans & ofc her hawaiian & other brightly patterned shirts.

eddie is by far the loser who’s design i have the most hcs for, & it’s NOT cuz of favoritism (…maybe a little). i’ve always had the most ideas for her cuz hee characterization imo would be the most affected by her being a girl in the canon. she would have to fit sonia’s “perfect little girl” ideals, which is not eddie in the slightest. perfect little girl eddie keeps her long hair down at all times, always wear skirts & blouses, & always does what she’s told. real eddie pulls her hair up all the time (until she finally cuts it, i also made a post about my eddie’s hair hcs), wears t-shirts & shorts her friends keep hidden for her, & has a trash mouth that only rivals the trashmouth herself. i give eddie more freckles the older she gets (until chapter 2, she has less then) cuz she’s outside running around all the time (which sonia hates). idk if anyone pays attention to it, but i draw eddie (especially teenaged & up) with an hourglass body cuz i still think she’d be small, but she’s got a bigger chest & curvier hips (sonia kaspbrak genes). i also think it plays into that “perfect little girl”-> “desired woman” pipeline that sonia would believe it, & that eddie hates. idk if that even makes sense. 

i’ll be so fr, idek if any of that made sense, or was even what you asked for. but hopefully that was a little bit of a glimpse into my mind when it comes to these gals? i’m constantly thinking about them & i’m always messing with what they look like so if anyone has any suggestions/ideas/want to know more about something specifically just lmk!! <3 <3

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

inktober day 31: landmark

top fun activities for a family road trip with the two monsterous amalgamations of yours and your life long crush's childhood fears!

big ass garden gnome

based on my lesbian neibolt kids road trip fic

[babybluelove2]

what listening to too much lesley gore as a thirteen-year-old in the present time will do to you (if you are a female ben hanscom and also being stalked by a demon clown) (alternatively titled: i’ll cry)

is this anything ? does anyone care about the extremely niche version of the losers club that i made up in my head where they are all girls and also dating ? ive been having fem ben hanscom thoughts so much that i thought i would share. u can take this if u want to

~♡~

Ben Hanscom was having a bad day, to put it in schoolgirl language. The talking-to-your-mother-crying bad day, the she-holds-you-and-tells-you-everything-will-be-alright bad day. Except that wasn’t it. Because Ben Hanscom has had bad days before. Schoolgirl bad days. And she has learned to not go to her mom after them; it just makes her feel worse.

Anyway, she had this feeling, gut deep, higher-power-level, that this was not a schoolgirl bad day. That this was just going to be a bad life, at least for a little bit. Things were bad. She could deal. She was good at distractions, at keeping herself company.

Ben Hanscom was a dreamer. A Lisbon girls dreamer. (Her words; she had watched The Virgin Suicides once when she was eleven because she heard one of the characters was named Bonnie, like her. Upon watching, she felt connected to the Lisbon girls. Like if they were her friends, they would understand her in the ways her mother never could. 

Bonnie Lisbon hangs herself at the end of the movie.)

She was thirteen now, Cecelia’s age, and had taken to writing in the margins of her favorite books, the ones she kept close to her heart. She liked poetry the best, it described the things she couldn’t form the words to herself, the liminal loneliness that permeated her very being.

Thirteen-year-old Ben Hanscom’s existence was poetry and music. Because music could fill a room. Music could be laughter or tears. Music could be It’s My Party by Lesley Gore. 

According to the tobacco-chewing man who worked at the Virginia record store, Miss Lesley was “vintage”. Ben hadn’t known that by vintage, he had meant irreparably damaged. It’s My Party was one of the only songs on her I’ll Cry If I Want To vinyl that played all the way through. She didn’t mind much. It was her favorite song on the album. A basic pick, but Ben didn’t pride herself on her individuality. The things that made her noticeable in a crowd were the things she hated most about herself. 

So it was an It’s-My-Party bad day, although Melanie Martinez’s rendition of the melody was more fitting objectively. She sat on the cheap mattress on the floor of her new bedroom and cried, Lesley Gore singing slightly off-key in the background. Today, the middle of March, was her first day at Derry Middle School. It was shit.

As a sort of first-world survival mechanism, and because of her destiny as an empath, Ben could sort out the good people from the bad. When she was little, she insisted on seeing the good in everyone, but she found with moving and new schools and a distinct lack of friends that she never got close enough to anyone to find their good. Usually this meant a lot of neutral. People would blend into the background, the type to not interfere if things got ugly when the bad presented itself. 

At Derry Middle School, there was no neutral, just bad. It vibrated in the sound waves of her teachers’ voices refusing to call her Ben (“Don’t be silly, Bonnie. Ben is a boy’s name.”), dilating the pupils of her judgmental classmates’ glares. At lunch, the only flavor she tasted was the putrid peach of anxious nausea. There were no empty tables when she entered the cafeteria, so she stood around awkwardly for about a minute-and-a-half and then hid out in the bathroom for the rest of the period.

The people were mean. It took her all of five minutes to run into Henry Bowers, who told her she’d better leave his town before she regretted it, like she had a choice in the matter, and said a few choice words about her weight that would inevitably take residence in the back of her thoughts always. She slipped out of the back door after the end-of-day bell, avoiding him and going back to her aunt’s house, her new home.

The record skipped. It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to–cry–cry–cry–

Like a girl with a car-crash-induced stutter, the song caught on the word cry, over and over. It was enough to elicit a reaction from the distraught teenager in the room. A little on the nose, she thought bitterly. Ben rubbed her tears into her complexion as she went to remove the record.

She had meant to hit the off button. Someone else would say their finger slipped, but Ben knew better. 

Her book of fairytales was packed away in a box somewhere. It was pink with golden sparkles and a built-in ribbon-bookmark. She didn’t need it in front of her to recount any of its tales. Sleeping Beauty was her best friend in second grade, far more reliable than anything else in her life. She used to write little confessions to Aurora, schoolgirl-bad-day musings next to her hopes and dreams.

Sleeping Beauty was cursed to prick her finger on the spinning wheel, just like Ben Hanscom was cursed to prick her finger on the needle of her record player, only she didn’t fall asleep for a hundred years.

She gasped a breath in when it happened, sticking her pointer into her mouth where it was bleeding. 

The music was still playing–cry–copper was on her tongue–cry–everything felt surreal; maybe she had taken her daydreaming habit too far this time–cry–her mom always said she was too separated from reality.

The vinyl shattered. She screamed, startled, covering her face out of instinct. A shard lodged itself into her arm, right through her baggy hoodie. Another cut through her baggy sweatpants. 

She scanned the room, maybe looking for her fairy godmother to step into view, rambling about how that wasn’t supposed to happen and she’s sorry, let me clean you up, darling. Or for someone entirely human to tell her she was going insane. But she was alone, the sudden quiet buzzy and disorienting.

After a pause that ensured one of her cousins wasn’t going to come and investigate, Ben moved to the bathroom so she wouldn’t have to look at the vinyl residue littering the carpet.

She was crying again by the time she pulled the pieces of vintage Lesley Gore out of her body. She had stopped some time before and was paying for it. Her tear ducts had finally caught up to produce sobs that died with the air that struggled to reach her lungs. Her clothes were ripped, and she wasn’t really in a position to afford new ones. She was in pain too, though she didn’t really feel it; all of her senses were being eclipsed by phantom hearing–cry–cry–cry–

It met Ben Hanscom that day, and her life would never be the same.

(@amorasalvatore i posted this whoops ty for listening to my ramblings)