#idk what to caption besides that lmao

[burgycreeper405-blog]

i'm so evil

[scary-monsters]

babygirl .. baybee

[leclercloml]

Shameless | PG8

Pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x reader

Summary: where Pedri's girlfriend have 0 filter on and love saying freaky things on social media.

Genre: SMAU

Warnings: suggestive

Author's note; this is something...

Twitter

Instagram

Pedri

liked by yourinstagram, pablogavi and 7,784,628 others

pedri Noche muy feliz porque siempre es especial marcar, y más si son los primeros goles con @/sefutbol. Gracias Palma por tanto cariño. ❤️ Con más ganas que nunca de que la #Euro2024 empiece!! #VamosEspaña

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liked by yourinstagram

username they're my favourite couple.

pedri added to story 5m ago.

seen by yourinstagram, pablogavi and 2,638,799 others

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yourinstagram babbyyyy<3 now come and fuck me.

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yourinstagram

liked by pedri, sophiaamelia and 856,739 others

yourinstagram summer te quiero mucho. 🍀

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pedri mi niña hermosa ❤️❤️ (my beautiful girl)

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username she's soooooo pretty

twitter

instagram

yourinstagram

liked by pedri, mikkykiemeny and 865,729 others

yourinstagram he can ruin my ability to walk.

view comments

pedri proudly.

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username I love them sm

username REALEST WAG ever.

[instantezra]

Highlights

Pairing: Danny Wagner x Reader (gender neutral reader and only like, one use of y/n!)

Summary: danny lets you do his hair that's it that's the plot

Content Warnings: this is mostly just fluff but there is consumption of alcohol and marijuana (don't do drugs or w/e!), adult language, danny being suggestive so i will say this is 18+ minors do not interact!!, use of pet names, mentions of golf (lmao)

Word Count: 2.4k

Author's Note: this is my first fic for gvf!! and my first fic i've written in uhhhh 4 years! disclaimer that this is a work of fiction i do not personally know anyone in GVF i just write my thoughts. this is my offering to tumblr for more greta pals/moots 🙇 also sorry idk if i ever learned how to end a fic so

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

It was a good thing Danny trusted you. Maybe too much, considering his current position. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt from his early high school days – slightly raggedy, faded, and giving you a glimpse at his shoulders through some of the holes that had formed over the years. He sat on a chair from the kitchen that had been dragged into the living room and tried to find something mindless to put on in the background on TV. You stood behind him and surveyed the supplies laid out beside the snacks and wine on the coffee table.

Danny had finally agreed to let you put highlights back in his hair. You felt confident in your abilities, but he had a different outlook on this whole operation.

“You know I’m only letting you do this because I couldn’t get an appointment soon, right?” he stated as he landed on a channel replaying highlights from the last U.S. Open.

“You’re letting me do this because you love and trust me and know I would never steer you wrong!” You leaned in, planting a kiss on the crown of his head. “Besides, if I fuck up, I can just shave your head.”

“NOOOO!” Danny dramatically grabbed at his curls, tucking his chin in and leaning forward, almost out of the seat. Both of you burst into a fit of giggles. “What if my head is shaped weird?”

“I’m sure I could find a way to love bald Danny. But we won’t be finding that out! Because I’m a professional. Now watch your golf and shush, I need to read this wikiHow article…” He whipped his head back to look at you incredulously. Giving him a quick wink, you scrolled through the article. Danny had made sure to not wash his hair for a few days, the two of you had spent too long in the beauty supply store finding said supplies, and he was wearing a throwaway shirt in case any dye had spilled. Now all that was left was to get started.

He sat still in front of you, sipping his glass of wine as you sectioned his hair off into different parts. He looked a bit goofy with the various clips and mini buns dotting his head. Sneakily, you took a picture and shared it on your Close Friends story on Instagram, captioned with a few stupid and cryptic emojis. You knew he’d give you shit for it later, but it was still cute. The rattail comb caught into one of his curls, and you almost got to work.

Danny leaned forward, shaking his head to knock your hands away. You popped up an eyebrow inquisitively. He put his glass of wine down and got up to crack open one of your windows. Early autumn air came blowing through, the smell fresh and a slight chill permeating the room. You couldn't help but close your eyes to relish in the crisp air. The next smell you caught was that of the joint Danny had lit. You chuckled lightly as you put on the latex gloves from the highlighting kit.

“You want any? Thought now would be easier than during.” He blew smoke towards the open window and leaned back in his seat, extending an offer.

“I don't think being crossed is a great idea. I will have literal bleach near your head, Dan.”

“What happened to ‘I’m a professional’ and I ‘trust you’, hm?” he asked, teasingly doing air quotes with his hands. You sighed and reached for the joint. He was hard to say no to.

“It's your hair,” you stated and took a small hit. A little wouldn't hurt, right? If anything, it would probably just mean Dan was going to get a great head massage out of it. You loved running your fingers through his locks, but when you were high it was a way to self-soothe. Plenty of nights the two of you could be found lounging in the couch after a few hits, Danny's head in your lap as your fingers mindlessly played in his curls.

Well, usually you did that. If you ended up fucking up his highlights, that would be a bit harder. No curls to run your fingers through after you'd have to shave him. 

You poured the remainder of your wine into Danny’s glass and declined any more weed. Your head was already feeling a bit fuzzier. With newfound focus on the task at hand and gloves on, you mixed in the developer and stared down at the wikiHow article opened on your phone.

Between your fingers you held a strand of curls and laid it on a strip of foil. Danny’s hair was getting long, so he probably should have seen an actual hair stylist. The boys had a very brief break in their tour, and the break was scheduled in such a way that he wasn’t able to make any actual appointments. Danny wasn’t complaining; he wanted to spend as much time as he could with your in your place. You insisted your apartment wasn’t as nice as his place, but he said it felt more “homey.” A place of solace from his life that had changed so much in the past five years. It was a constant, just like you were for him.

You began brushing what Dan had dubbed “the potion” onto his hair, making sure to keep undyed portions separate. Wrapping foil around each wet strand, you got into a rhythm. The only sound in the room was his occasional commentary on the golf on TV and soft crinkling of tin foil. For some reason you weren’t nervous about doing Danny’s hair. Sure, you had only ever dyed your roommate’s hair in college, and that was usually just an all over single color. Those nights consisted of the two of you splitting a bottle of wine, watching the same historical romance movie for the umpteenth time, and chatting about anything and everything. Now you got to share those moments with Danny. Everything with him was just easy.

Occasionally, he’d reach his arm back, offering you the joint (which you refused) or a Twizzler (which you happily accepted). He’d start going off on a tangent about a certain golfer, giving unsolicited opinions that made you giggle. Sometimes he’d get so heated about it, he’d move his head and you had to hold it still with your gloved hands. He’d try to crack a joke and make you giggle, briefly breaking your concentration.

Moments like these were when you realized truly how much you cared for this boy. Not necessarily when he was a rock god, performing for thousands of adoring fans. Not when he travelled the globe, sending you pictures of otherworldly sights and making you yearn for him to return. It was always the quieter moments. It was the comfortable silence of not having to talk, just enjoying each others company. It was the delicate tug of each strand you were going to highlight, him trusting that you wouldn’t hurt him (or worse, make him be bald). When he was home from tour or rehearsal, he always wanted to spend time with you, in your place. He always mentioned it felt like a second home. Even if it was something as mundane as vegetating on the couch together. It was domestic, and it made your heart flutter.

—

Most of “the potion” had run out, but you had just enough to do the front curls that framed his beautiful face. You tried to set the last few strips of foil into his lap as you circled around to the front of the chair. Apparently whatever had been on the television now wasn’t as enticing to him, because he set the foils on the table and pulled you into his lap. His eyelids were heavy, covering his bloodshot eyes as he shot you a smirk. You playfully rolled your eyes and continued brushing product onto a few stray curls near his forehead.

“That does it, I think,” you exclaimed and reached towards the coffee table. The brush clattered slightly in the bowl when you set it down. You snatched the unlit joint from its ashtray and flicked the lighter. “Now we just have to check on the color every 5 minutes and then rinse!”

“I can think of a couple things we could do for 5 minutes,” he said and leaned forward to kiss your neck. You giggled into the joint as you struggled to lean away, blowing smoke through your nose and accidentally into Dan’s hair.

“Okay, well, I was going to help you rinse this out but maybe you do need a cold shower by yourself.” Your hips shifted to try to get up and out of his grasp, but his strong hands pulled you back down.

“What!? I was just gonna say we could list our favorite golfers from the last 5 years and why.” He feigned hurt by putting a hand to his chest and pouting. You leaned forward to kiss his pout, which in turn made it a smile. “But actually though… will you help me rinse it? I don’t want to fuck it up.” There was a sincerity to his statement. No matter how silly he had been before - he really did trust you.

It was always the quieter moments. Pinching the end of the filter to his lips so Danny could take the last few hits. Feeling the haze of smoking hit your head. Comfortably sitting in his lap like it was made just for you. Peaking under the foils to see how the color was developing. His dopey smile as he squeezed your hips. Just being together, those were the moments you lived for.

Both of you were shot out of your dazed states by the alarm on your phone. Next thing you knew you were floating down the hall, following him into your tiny bathroom and sitting him down on the closed seat. A fit of giggles erupted from both of you as he tried to lay his large frame against the toilet lid with his hair dangling into the tub. Danny was used to getting this done in a salon, but your shitty apartment bathroom would have to do.

His lips were moving but you couldn’t hear it over the rushing water coming from the faucet. He seemed to be talking about some dumb idea Sam had, but that quickly turned to a yelp once you redirected some of the water onto his head.

“Shit, why is it so cooooooold?” His whines made your chest clench. The position he was in looked incredibly uncomfortable and the icy cold water probably didn’t help. But you couldn’t help but notice the scrunch of his nose, the freckles sprinkled across the bridge and his cheeks, the redness in his face from laying with his head nearly upside down. He looked so adorable, even with a tangle of curls flopped into the tub.

“Sorry, hon, but it’s gotta be cold,” you reassured him by massaging his scalp gently. The pressure applied from your fingertips mixed with the acclimation to the temperature had Danny closing his eyes. A hum came from his chest, and he relaxed into your touch. You took this as a good sign and leaned over him to make sure all the product was rinsed out.

“I d’know if it’s cuz I’m stoned or if you’re just magic, but this feels really really good,” he mumbled, leaning up to trail kisses down your jaw and neck.

“I think it’s a bit of both, bub. Keep that up though and you’ll be doing shampoo and conditioner yourself, Mr. Wagner.” You tugged his hair gently, not necessarily to rile him up but moreso as a warning. This elicited a chuckle, and he leaned his head back once more.

“Alright, alright, I can take a hint.” You smiled down at him, continuing your ministrations. There was another comfortable silence between the two of you. Danny carefully folded his hands across his chest while you carefully shampooed and conditioned his hair. He didn’t even complain when you poured a cup of water over his curls, gently working the products out of his freshly highlighted hair. You used an old plush towel to catch the drips from his waterlogged locks and helped him sit up on the toilet seat. He beamed up at you lazily as you softly scrunched his curls a bit drier. “Thank you for doing this,” he whispered.

“Of course, lovey,” you softly replied. “Now, you do that mysterious curl routine of yours and tell me how it looks. I’m gonna go start us some dinner.” You left him alone in the bathroom, knowing he had some products in the medicine cabinet that he’d left at your place just in case. The dye job had honestly come out not too shabby. It probably wasn’t as great as his professional stylist’s job, but it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. You wouldn’t know until you returned to the bathroom, though.

You went to check on him after prepping some food and pouring two more glasses of wine. The sound of the hair dryer stopped, so you knew he must be close to done. Turning into the doorway, you stood behind him. His gaze in the mirror went from his hair to your eyes, giving you a soft smile. You snaked your arms around him from behind, resting your chin on his shoulder.

“So… not too bad, right?”

“It looks great, y/n. Really, it does. Thank you,” he said gently.

“You’re so pretty, Danny.” 

A blush rose to his cheeks. That shy smile of his appeared on his face, and you got that funny feeling in your chest again. The amount of poetry you could write just on the features of his face would make Keats and Byron blush in embarrassment. Danny had to know he was handsome, but he still hadn’t gotten used to you calling him pretty. Or beautiful. Really, any time you complimented him he felt on top of the world. There was a slight tension in the air, though, and you hoped you hadn’t made him uncomfortable. So you cut the tension.

“So… you don’t want me to shave it?” You poked at his side and he let out a bellowing laugh.

“No, no, no. No bald Danny,” he said, twisting around to face you. “I like being your pretty Danny.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

uwu if you got this far yippee also thank u to my bestie for beta reading this (they don't use tumblr but i love them) and to @godly-sinsx for helping me brainstorm <3

also idk if i need to do pic credit it's literally from daniel's insta tho

[bubbleystories]

Hi!! its my first fanfic lmao i was bored and had a lil dream abt someone as you can see not all of it but most of it...sorry if they are some word that are bad. english is not my first lang sorry yall!♡♡♡

CW: smut, beachsex, Richarlison×reader, fingering, publicmasturbation,..bitch idk what to say next its just smut so...

⚠️ minor get away satan!!⚠️ 18+ okayy 🚪👈 out you go...

Lets start!! hope yall like it pls review and tell me if you like it...and like it if you want more!!!!❤️✨️

It all started on the hot beach of rio de janeiro

the sun ray shineing you laying on the hot soft sand. Your boyfriend on his green sunchair under the coconut leaf unbrella.

You were sun bathing minding your buissnes

When someone or rather your now 1 year boyfriend Richarlison de Andrade famous footballer of Tottenham Hotspur.

He was on vacation in brasil vitsiting his family and his fav person his cute niece..He was on his phone takeing picture of the beautiful beach of brasil. When he turn his head to show his anjo. he saw her laying on her stomach in her brasil bikini that hug all of her beautiful body.

the oily yet sandy skin of his anjo shineing under the hot sun of brasil. he could resist takeing a picture to put on his insta story putting the a cute caption 《Meu anjo beijou o sol》

(My Sun Kissed Angel) With a brasil flag and a little sun.

Richy:"anjo? are you sleeping meu amor?" he said trowing a little send on her to tease her.

You:" Richy! No am not..i just shake my towel! why u do this. pombo"

Richy:"Pombo? really?" He laugh knowing you never call him this.

You:" what? its cute even your fan call you this" you smile look at thim through your black shades.

He look at you up and down with a funny side eye makeing you laugh. looking at the beach for a moment enjoying the waves then turning to look right back at you

his eye traveling down at your lower body makeing him smirk a plan forming in his mind.

Richy:" You know you look hot in my home contry flag on you" licking his lip looking at you deeply. knowing his eyes had effect on you.

You:"yeah? well thanks to my boyfriend he picked it out for me he really liked the smaller piece" you laugh looking at him turning on your back giveing him a full view of your front.

the small yet tight bikini huging all of your curves.

He smirk licking his lips swallowing his spit he got up his sunchair walking out of the shade

into the sun torward you kneeling right infront of your towel

Richy:" anjo você está me deixando louco

{Angel you are makeing me crazy}He said makeing you scoot to the side of the towel so he could lay beside you

Richy:" Your skin look so good in the sun anjo" He said laying on his side look at your neck eyes traveling down to your boobs. his hand lifting to go on your bikini strap playing with the hem of it...looking at you through your shades.

You:"What are u planing? huh? its always bad when you look at me like this" you said takeing off your shade getting on your elbow looking at him in the eyes leaning closer to him.

He lean in lips only a small inches from kissing me breath hot and lemony from the cocktail he just drank. when suddenly he pulled your bikini lace that it almost went down if you didn't catch it by reflects.

You look at him stunt brow joining together a lightly shook smile lookin at him.

He laugh looking at your expresion.

You:" richarlison!? seu louco come on there are people here" you said looking at him...trying to tie the lace of your bikini.{you crazy man}

Richy: "come on let me help you Meu anjo" he smile makeing you turn your back to him

You took your spear towel hideing your exposed boob so nobody could see it.

But mr.De Andrade had other plan than tie your lace..

He look at your back then at you his hand sneaking under the towel holding your boob

Makeing your beath hitch. neck turning to look at him shook but feeling good at the same time..

Richy:"anjo..looking at you like this all day made me feel all sort of things" He said lightly piching your nipple makeing you moan lowly

Head joining his shoulder Face hideing in his neck. he smirk looking at you submitting so quick with such a simple action.

You:"r-richy there are p-people...Porra.. here {fuck.}rolling your neck to the side all your body weight on him...giveing him access to your neck him going down to bite and kiss your neck hand going to to rest on his shoulder so you dont fall.

Richy:"você cheira tão bem que eu poderia comê-lo agora"{you smell so good i could eat you up right now} he moan in your neck still turning and flicking your nipple.

makeing your lower region wet cover by the towel he makes his other hand slide down your bottom bikini going inside slowly teaseing you his finger dance down between your folds going up teaseing your bud flicing it.

You:"Shit! richy dont stop eu amo tanto isso..

{ i love it so much}You moan lowly thanking the god watching over you that its a monday and not haveing many people on this side of the private beach.

He continue torturing your sensible bud senseing the knot forming inside of your stomach.

Richy:"Are you close anjo...could you wet my fingers..eu quero provar seu amor" { i wanna taste you love}

You:" am c-close richy...am gonna cum" you moan a little loudly your face in his neck kissing and sucking his warm skin. he hiss moveing his face to kiss you hard sucking and licking the inside of eachother mouth. enterring 2 finger inside of your heat you moan the knot finnaly snaped comeing hard on his fingers.

Richy:"that it anjo você fez tão bem "

{ you did so good} he said pulling his fingers out Putting them in his mouth tasteing you

"Tão bom como sempre" He smirk finaly Tieing your bikini lace {So good as always}.

Slowly comeing down your high you turn your body to face him looking at him in his eyes

Grabing his face kissing him hard tasteing yourself on his tounge.

Richy: "I hope you injoy our vacation anjo"

You:" ohh richy i am..but we are not done yet

We still need my play time now" You say smileing at him innocently while your hand rakes up his now tight shorts.

He hardly grab your hand and push down more on his shorts while smirking up at you

Licking his lips.

Richy:" Then lets not waste time and lets get real anjo.." He got up getting the towels rolling them in a ball to finaly push them in the bags.."levante-se agora anjo Vamos nos divertir! {lets go angel lets go have fun}

You could help but laugh outloud he was in his goofy side again...

[bonesandthebees]

okay hi i’m just a little neurodivergent fellow who associates shit w other shit (i’m the call me what u like + stars person) and i’m rewatching the sam and colby wilbur george ghost hunt video and like 50 minutes in for the estes method spirit box my brain was just like pYTHIA????? my guy straight up blindfolded and interpreting a spirit box lol

same energy as the amazon video uk stream with jack and wilbur where they were blindfolded and had mystery boxes and the chat was like SIREN???? which.. i remember watching live like guys pls… lots of people don’t want fic brought up why is the entire chat this but like besides the fact that it was obnoxious and the ENTIRE chat like they weren’t wrong i just wish they were more quietly not wrong lol

but idk if you’re one of the people who doesn’t want fic brought up to cc’s but i know a lot of people don’t and personally i wouldn’t either lol anyway hi sorry for rambling again!! once again i am just a little guy who connects shit to shit and now bye i’m gonna finish rewatching the video :) i hope u have a lovely evening/day

lmao yeah I saw some people making a siren joke with that screenshot of wilbur doing the estes method in the sam and colby video

the amazon video uk stream... that I remember so clearly because I wasn't watching it, but suddenly my twitter notifs just started blowing up and i opened it to see dozens of people tagging me in screenshots of wilbur in the blindfold with the caption 'SIREN?!' tbh I just found that really funny

also, yes, I'm one of those people that doesn't want fic brought up to cc's but when clinic blew up I pretty much just accepted it was going to happen no matter what. then this happened:

which was arguably one of the most Mornings of my entire life. I'd literally gone out to a lesbian bar the night before so i was hungover and woke up at 6 am to my phone blowing up bc of that so that was. a time.

also when wilbur posted hitting on 16/the wilbur van on ao3, for a very long time clinic was right above it in kudos. so I had already assumed he was at least somewhat aware of my fic because he would've seen it sitting above his own (since he straight up bragged on stream once about how many kudos it had meaning he did look at the rankings)

so like. no I don't want my fic being brought up to cc's but also with clinic it's already happened lmao so I don't really care. it's out of my control so if it happens it happens. as long as people aren't asking cc's to read it or spamming the link I'm kind of just like oh well

at the very least, when clinic blew up and I realized it was very likely going to get seen by cc's I was relieved bc out of my fics at the time clinic was the one I was the most 'okay' with cc's encountering. I didn't like it, but I was like well it could be worse

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Friday, February 23rd, 2024!

7:55am: I slept for so long and woke up with no alarms this morning :) feels amazing. Still had a huge orange chunk come out of my nose but it's less than before, I just don't know when it will stop lol (I literally had to get up while writing this and do another one). Last night I had to go to sleep unexpectedly early bc I had a milkshake and it made me so bloated omg. I think I'm officially at that age where I really can't just be eating anything 😂 of course I can bc I'm an independent woman 💅 but not without The Consequences. Also I just popped my BC in and I'm ready for my period to stop and also for the stomach issues to stop omg it's been rough out here. It really feels like spring break should be today, but the pros to it being next week are that it's one week closer to the end, I won't be on my period at all, and hopefully it will be warmer!! I'm tired of this cold ass weather!!

I feel good today besides the random brain thoughts that I don't particularly want. I need to figure out how to replace those thoughts with ones I do what. This journaling, as much ranting as it is, definitely helps me I guess regulate my runaway thoughts. I really want to take a post poop nap though those are the best so ttyl lmao.

10:47am: omg I continued to sleep until 9:50am I don't know how to explain to people how much sleep I really feel like I need. Idk it's probably depression but that's literally ok I'm just doing what I can. I still miss him and that's ok too. I don't really miss him I literally miss just having someone to talk to. But he fucked up and it's his loss, not mine. He lost a genuine person, and I lost a liar who cheats and steals money and nothing he does is genuine, it's all fake to get people to like him so he can use their shit for all it's worth. What's crazy is he's so fake he doesn't even care about these cats after he kept saying he misses them oh boohoo me it's like losing two kids, then blocks me so he'll effectively never fucking see them again. He's literally so fake AF. I take pride knowing I'm not a fake ass bitch and I don't lie to people. Doesn't matter if people believe me or not because I know I'm not lying about anything. If you think I'm lying, you just have something else going on in your life that you have to deal with clearly. This image of them getting on the bike together I think will stay with me for a while, I guess visuals are really my downfall. I know I'm the bigger person bc I literally said yeah y'all are cute together before he stopped speaking to me and everything was chill. It was chill because I made it chill. I made this entire friendship what it was and I'm really convinced of it now tbh. I don't like him, I like me and how I act towards him 😂 I like nice people, aka myself lmao.

If everyone likes me except for you.... Sorry I don't think I'm the problem boo 😘 just a matter of time before he does some more stupid shit I'm sure I'll hear about 🙄

Happy Friday!!

1:02pm ate my ramen leftovers and my boss is buying me CFA Cobb salad for work later :') people are awesome ❤️

10:09pm: JFC my feet hurt like hell. I wish I had a guy to rub my feet fr but one day lol. I just realized he didn't block me on sc so I could technically add him back whenever, I wonder if he's waiting for me to do that?? Hmmmm he's such a narcissist it's wild, plus the whole posting at me when I'm technically blocked on ig is actually crazy af. I bet $200 if he adds me back on ig that post will magically be gone or the caption would change. He's so petty and acts like a little bitch. Literally can't relate 💀

11:40pm: finished my law assignment and I'm so tired I think I'll eat my salad leftovers and literally pass out. My eyes are literally burning.

I really just be out here gaslighting tf outta myself. I'm sitting here like wowza I wish I had "guy" to vibe w me after getting done with my hw.... But it's been so long it's funny that I forget, that man in particular would NOT want to chill with me after I'm finished with my hw!! Name literally one time when he ever fucking did that?? Literally he never fucking did. I'm so gaslighting myself into thinking we'd be doing anything rn, he would've pissed me off all night and then would probably be asleep rn. There would not be random drive thru trips bc he's on a lame ass diet and won't stfu about it and there wouldn't be cuddling bc he would've pissed me off the entire afternoon sitting on his ass making fucking messes instead of contributing anything ever to the home we share and it would infuriate me!! That's not attractive 🙄 so yeah gaslighting tf out of myself to think that would be happening 🤣 it's been so long I forget how exhausting that bullshit was!! Don't go back sis you literally hated it!! Wack AF and manipulative tbh.

One day, there will be a man, he will rub my feet when I get off work, even better he'll see the insides of my shoes, know that I'm too busy/ADHD to remember to get insoles, and would surprise me with new insoles for my shoes ❤️ that's what care and love looks like. We will have a cute snack and then probably fuck before bed bc we are both grown and not scared of a little period fr, and he would get me a towel and draw up a shower for me afterwards and I'd come back into the clean bedroom with no dirty shit on the floor and get into my made bed and snuggle with the real love of my life who loves and respects me 🥰 manifesting lol 💕

[castle-dominion]

c3x9 close encounters of the murderous kind

I like how my man had a baton not drawing a gun

Beestings?

Hun if you’re timing yourself then don’t chat with other people.

MR: Please, I’ve had relationships that haven’t lasted this long.

RC: No, we want to impress them!

Poor security guy. Lanie’s outfit. Also esposito’s, v normal but nice. Vaccum sealer obv. Or the place they test airplanes. Maybe she was killed by Big Pickle.  Oh no castle. 

Esposito, u growing a beard? I can’t tell. Transcendent.

KR: Before version (Love ryan’s outfit. You know, his hair is short these days but his hair is short in later seasons but he looks way different. His face is longer, cheeks sharper, he almost seems taller) oOH ASTROPHYSICS. I used to love reading my dad’s old astrophysics textbook. I almost wanted to go into it but then I realized it was all math & even if I just wanted to take the course for fun I would need physics 30 & that wasn’t going to happen.  I love how he flips his notebook Wait isn’t that esposito’s pin? Maybe it was montgomery’s... Or maybe they all got one bc it’s a pride flag with only the blue stripe coloured in.  Oh no seti can’t have given the grant RYAN TELL ME YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN ALIENS (physically moves onto castle’s side) (nice castle outfit) KB is right.  KR: Maybe... Raymond always was the lightweight in the family. (Sorry now I’m just remembering the “I’m italian I burn pasta calories like nothing” guy from back in gr10 & “I’m irish I don’t get drunk”)

Ooh radio telescope!

Ooh this is cool! It’s like when you go from underwater to emerged & get the bumps or whatever

Nicotine addict. Esposito just sits down right beside the guy (their outfits) Ryan’s tie got spun funny XD

Why would he kill her with the altitude chamber & then try to throw u off the trail by moving her body? Not v smart (the thick white guy behind her is a detective I see often, but what is his name?)

Beckett is so right. Alien abductions aren’t real. KB: That reminds me of the lego I got stuck up my nose when I was six. We’ve all done it.

Esposito are there cleaning agents tho? Kate those things are probably expensive af.  PICKLE MANUFACTURERS BESTIE.

Dr Parish is the best

HOLY CRAP I’M ONLY AT THE SECOND INTRO?

Oh no Rick is a Silly Guy! He is too good of a dad for these “serious people”

Wow that’s interesting. Screw the military tho bestie.  KB: Well we started a conversation so I guess it worked... (I won’t clip) It is not a piece of an altitude chamber babe. It would not flake off like that. 

Ooh Ryan’s outfit! Love it! Dark blue with black stripes in like a flannel gingham type pattern (idk the word) with a tie like that? Hoo! (Benny Stryker? THE derrel meeks? moment)

Lmao I’m glad I have captions. They intentionally made it sound like “in prison” Girl this is cult stuff. BS: Huh! Sign each other’s books! Castle & Stryker! Contact should totally have been capitalized. It wasn’t aliens. (btw his outfit is nice) XD like that will smith movie B’y everyone already knows about aliens & we also all already know aliens are not real.

RC: ... Overall, big week (castle’s jacket lol)

Governments cover stuff up all the time, it is not a stretch whatsoever. 

Esposito honestly looks pissed Pickles Ooh Lanie & Esposito looked into it & found industrial vaccum sealers! Just like I said (he looks interesting. idk if I like this outfit. At least his short hair is not THAT short. & he checks into stuff with lanie <3) JE: Castle. JE: Just prove that ET did this bro, please. I hunt people, not machines. RC: I’m working on it *feeds a bird* JE, whispering: Thank you *bird feeds* (& esposito hates castle’s theories!)

Jersey turnpike, just where uncle raymond woke up! Voice activated phone, love it.  RC: This place, that place, the other place KB: *looks at ryan* :| KR: *looks at becket* ??? (not clipping)

Mothman? Maintenance just replaced it so is this beckett’s car or is it a cop car? Is this a halloween episode? It’s got to be a helicopter...

First thing they ask is where the other is. We don’t know what she was involved in... Nazi with the dentist drill Our way of life? Human life? Government stuff? USA rich capitalists making life worse for the poor than the average of communism? Castle is great, just taking it in stride writing his silly little books Obviously these ones killed her Funky little gun thing Why do they always go for the neck? I mean I know it’s an easy access place but it is also hella scary.  Lol looks like hickeys They are not good to drive... Ooh I should go out to the country & go stargazing

I love montgomery. He’s the dad. My people plural! Monty considers castle part of the fam!

RC: They also refused to confirm J Edgar Hoover liked to wear dresses JE: Abducted by government agents? Come on. What were you two really doing? KB: It’s not a kickey esposito. JE: You both have one.  RC: I wish it was a hickey. (This is how u know he’s telling the truth) RC: It’s from the injectors! JE: Is that what the kids are calling it these days? RC: They were Men In Black! KB: *turns convo to vaccum packers & chinese cigarettes* (idk if I should laugh at the illegalalien comment or if that’s not ok.) KR: Hey. KR: Are those hickeys? JE: Yes KB: No RC: I wish KR: Ok!

An emp! Oh calcium.  (esposito looks at castle like “you are so stupid for believing that” but he also begs castle to make it aliens so he doesn’t need to chase machines)

I love how beckett has that cute high necked shirt Castle hops to look thru the stuff CD just happens to be in the one he opens? (Maybe he opened a few already offscreen) (he holds it so poorly) Oh no. I swear it’s going to be a home movie & when I say “home movie” I mean... Obviously doctored or fake.

RC: Behold gentlemen & lady (esposito’s sweater right after the suit, why does he change so drastically) Just... all of their outfits actually. They stopped doing so many multiday episodes in laterseasons so they don’t need to change as much They are twins I swear

When beckett herself says “idk if it’s doctored” that gets the boys shocked Oh btw look at esposito’s cute sweater there. 

KR: How? It’s not like we can call them up. RC: We do have a box of bugs Lol the audio matching castle raising his eyebrows

Montgomery is the coolest (You thought they knew what was going on? seriously?)

Oh capitalism. Totalitarian governments suck ig but communism on small scales works fine so protect your way of life all you want Bloggers, that’s a good point castle. Y’all stuff will definitely leave this room. 

Ok leave the murder be.

Wow ashley’s parents suck. (calls castle’s pop fiction tawdry; castle calls him ordinary & assumes he would commit a murder) Lol at least castle gets to make a cool phone call about aliens & spies & cops & murder & surprise the parents like that. (I thought for sure the ppl questioning her were the agents that took caskett. But here’s a question, caskett got drugged: why didn’t they get blood tests done or smth?)

I’ve forged my TA’s initials on my high school agenda enough to know that if you want to forge a signature you need to do better than that

Ryan & esposito are not together much lately

Agent: I might want to put you guys on my friends & family plan

This is so gross. I hate the surveillance like that. Let people have privacy. 

RC: Where are the helicopters & swat teams swinging down on ropes? Agent: Budget cuts Westfield: We’ll worry about their teeth when the time comes. (love them putting on their vests) Hm, the agent didn’t know about the basement intel! KB: Welcome to new york

(firefly reference?????)

Captions said Castle was speaking mandarin (which was the chinese spoken on firefly I think) but the captions say there is cantonese chattering. Fun fact I had a kung fu teacher who spoke cantonese, a white euro-canadian meat fabrication teacher who would speak mandarin to the lab tech in the meat shop, & my little brother can speak some mandarin. Ofc I know other ppl too but shush.

Hand signals my beloved Ryan just jumped this guy! Oh I forgot about the other agent lol Castle XD KR: :D think we’ll get a medal for this? Agent: This never happened

Ooh a private word with beckett!  Oh no not camping with them... I hope we get to see that episode Argh it was confidential! (what did they actually say?) But anyway I think it would be cool to have an episode where rick & the families are away from new york camping & they need to solve a murder w/o the precinct, or at least w/o much help & it impresses ashley’s family (fanfic idea?) Lol castle just asks her what the confidential thing is

Ooh nice ending sound. It’s the theme song but played in the alien style

[meowzfordayz]

Sort of a crack request but could I have Kamaboko squad x modern!reader headcannons of showing them memes

Hiya! 🤗 Crack request aside, I actually really enjoyed writing this. 😂 Hope it's what you had in mind. 🤞🏽

Author’s Note: grasping the concept of “meme” took me sooo long. 😭 Wasn’t really confident even using the word until like, after high school…

what do you meme?

Kamaboko x Reader

Word Count: ~1,400

CW: explicit language

~faqs~

“You wanna show me what?”

He’s puzzled, initially

But he catches on pretty quick

Just takes a few classic memes for him to nod his head

“Oh, oh oh! These are funny!” *insert delighted clapping*

Altho

He doesn’t really understand abstract memes

—Neither do I 😐

But you can get a hearty giggle out of him if you show him funny animal memes

In fact, I feel like all of his reactions are very exaggerated, albeit 100% genuine

Show him a tragic meme? Poor sweetheart’ll literally tear up

“It’s just a meme, Zeni,” your eyebrows furrow

Is it kinda cute that he’s so deeply affected? Yesyes ☺️

Is it also kinda awkward that he’s sobbing over a highkey staged image? Yesyes 🥲

Show him a cringe meme? He’ll cover his eyes, whimpering sympathetically

“Nooooo [y/n], I feel so baaadly.”

💍 THE LORD OF THE RINGS MEME 💍

“One does not simply walk into Mordor.”

Gawd that one takes him forever and a day to comprehend

Forever and a day bc y’all end up having to binge the trilogy #extended director’s cut obvi #I haven’t watched the extended director’s cut lmao

You try to get him to read the books too, but he’s #too busy

—Tbf, I found the books somewhat cumbersome

—Should prob reread them tho

—I read them in middle school lol

Ohmygosh

He totally tries to make his own

Key word: tries

Spends hrs coming up w/ 2 sentences

Will occasionally even sleep on a particularly juicy meme idea just to ensure it’s #perfect when he finally creates it

Definitely uses meme templates

He’s just… not funny ??

Well, he’s funny in that endearing, I’m-only-laughing-bc-I-love-you/I’m-laughing-at-you way

—Have you ever tried to create a meme?

—Shit’s hard

—Or I’m just not funny

—Yeeeeah, I’m prob just not funny #oof

“[y/n], [y/n], [y/n]! Wanna laugh at my new meme ?? 😁” is how almost every date starts off now

You don’t have the heart to tell him you’re laughing at him 😅

With him, you’re absolutely laughing with him 🙃

Besides, his giddiness is infectious — his pure joy and pride endearing

Dude needs his creative outlet, yanno ??

“Thank you for being patient with me,” he mumbles, smiling up at you, head nestled in your lap

“Whaddya meme mean, Zeni?”

“I know my memes suck,” he huffs

“They do suck,” you’re blunt, adoring grin on your face 😇

He pouts, “Heyyyyy.”

Dw tho, your honesty doesn’t deter him 😬

Motivates him unfortunately to come up w/ a meme that’ll actually make you laugh (even just a chuckle, a smile, a slight curve of your mouth, would be plenty)

I can’t decide whether he succeeds or not

Prob not 🤪

Debating between Inosuke being God of Memes

Or Inosuke not giving a single fuck about memes

Idk if he has the patience to appreciate meme culture

Likely takes them too literally

“Inosuke, check this out!” you pass him your phone, giggling

He raises an eyebrow, “So?”

“So?!” you gasp, feigning offense, “This shit’s hilarious.”

“No it’s not?” he deadpans, “It’s just a frog without a hood and a frog with a hood?”

“That frog is Kermit,” you retort, “And it’s the caption that’s funny.”

“I can’t take it seriously,” he shrugs

I cAn’T tAkE iT sErIoUsLy

Seriously ?!?!?!

“That’s… that’s the whole point?” you blink at him

“Okay. Then, I guess I got the point ??” he smiles confidently clearly confused

—Inosuke is basically me trying to comprehend memes 💀

“Never mind,” you grumble, snatching your phone back

He frowns as you mutter to yourself

Ofc he wants to “get it”, but it’s just a frog? Named Kermit ??

They make no sense he rolls his eyes

But he still does his best

Bc he likes likes you

Dutifully opens all of your Insta DMs

Tap tap ❤️’s every meme you send him

You even link him to those Insta pgs where they post memes w/ explanations in the descriptions

Which, kind of helps?

Slowly, slowly, slowly he begins sending you memes back

Oftentimes accompanied by a, “Wtf?”

His meme taste is as chaotic as you’d expect

One day he’s sending a ton of dog memes

The next he’s sending dark humor memes

And then Spongebob?

Also cooking memes

Primarily featuring Gordon Ramsay

#idiot sandwich

You ignore those — he’s just poking fun at how you’ve burned water it was one time, sheesh

—... I’ve “burned” water once… bc I forgot I was boiling it (to cook mac n cheese), and by the time I remembered it’d evaporated completely 😶

He’s gonna give you meme whiplash

Regardless, you totally appreciate how much effort he’s putting in

“I’m sad,” you’ll text him

And he’ll respond w/ that “👍😿” meme

—Just Google “crying cat meme” if you’re lost

You assume he’s going for supportive…

You text him, “Thanks Inosuke.”

He responds w/ (this)

You accidentally leave him on read for a while

Bc you’re freaking tf out

He just accidentally/indirectly/on purpose ?? Told you he loves you ?! For the first time !!

VIA MEME ?!

“Inosuke?”

He hums in acknowledgement, swinging waaay too high on the swing beside you

#adults deserve playgrounds and playtime too

—Everyone’s always aged up in my brain whenever I write fanfics; more info (here)

“I love you too.”

You hold your breath

This man isn’t even fazed

Lil fucker knew what he was doing all along

“That’s good. I was getting worried about being left on read.”

😠😠😠🙈 —> you rn

“Love you [y/n].”

Lowkey hoarder of memes

Primarily funny/soft content

Nothing too dark/scandalous

But when I say “hoarder of memes” I mean: Tanjirou’s impossible to show memes to

Not literally, like, obvi you can still show him memes

He’s just seen them all ?????

Doesn’t help that you have similar taste

But ffs you just wanna send him one cute kitten meme w/o him being like

“Aww babe, this is so lovely!” he coos fondly

…

…

You squint at him, “You’ve already seen this.”

He face falls, unable to lie, “Yeah,” bites his lip sadly, “M’sorry.”

Whatever ☹️

One day you borrow his phone (ofc he’s aware — #don’t promote toxic behavior)

And you scroll through all* of his memes

*Some, of his memes

**There’s too many to scroll through all of theme

***How did he even amass such a collection ??

****Is this why he takes forever in the bathroom ?? 🚽📱

On the plus side, he has a meme for every occasion!

Feeling spaghetti bc you think you bombed your most recent exam?

—That’s about to be me in T-4 hrs #general chemistry

He’s got a plethora of “I love you!” and “You rock!” and “It’s okay to suck!” memes

Feeling excited bc you’re going on date w/ him in a couple hrs?

He’s got an abundance of “cheesy dating memes” to support your hype

Feeling under the weather after overworking yourself bc school’s a bitch?

He’s got infinite memes of “Get well soon” and “Sorry you’re sick” and “I miss you”

You jokingly ask if he’s going to propose w/ a meme

He turns into a tomato 🍅

“[y/n]!”

You snort, patting his cheek

“I would never!”

You move away abruptly

Quiet

Contemplative

He’s concerned

Reaches for your hands, tension in his lungs easing when you allow him to hold them

“[y/n]?” 🥺

You smile shakily, squeezing his fingers, “Hi, Tanjirou.”

Tanjirou? He’s so used to hearing Tan

Uh oh 😔

💡💡💡

“BABE!” he exclaims, startling you, “I would never propose to you with a meme!”

Your eyes widen

“Babe, babe, babe: I did not mean to imply disinterest in our future together,” he’s bright, gentle, sheepish, “I simply meant I would never use a meme to ask something so… intimate. Significant.”

A relieved whimper escapes you, “You’re. So. Stupid,” you blubber

He laughs unabashedly, letting go of your hands to pull you into a suffocatingly secure hug

“I’m your stupidhead,” he murmurs into your neck

“My stupid, stupidhead, meme addict,” you sniffle

Does he do anything to curb his meme obsession?

Nope

Does he start curating appropriate proposal memes?

Yup Nope

[sainztander]

i saw your tags on the gifset of carlos and lewis in hungary and you're right omg i wanna Know about their relationship because its so interesting. apart from what u said in one of the drivers' briefings (carlos RB era) they were seated beside each other and theres also That gifset of carlos coming up behind lewis and squeezing him from 2017. i wanna know

oh hiii!! YES let's talk about it because it IS curious!

a few years ago i read an interview to one of the young drivers (i really don't remember who it was) who said that lewis was really hard to approach even off track, that he usually sat on his own, listening to music, not talking to anyone. i DO think that he relaxed a bit in the latest years, but i can believe that he was like that in the 2015-2019 years (friendship breakups DO fuck you up!)

and on the other hand we got rookie carlos sainz jr that would giggle and blush when around one of his racing idols, idolized sebastian vettel and fernando alonso, went from seat to seat to seat despite giving pretty solid performances... and went around being shy and funny and dorky and apparently made friends with the entire paddock? that very good boy as seb described him?

and now i can pretty much picture a closed-off, focused, guarded lewis being charmed by an awed carlos who would ask questions, give earnest compliments, comment on this and that, chat a bit, softly pat his back and squeeze his arm just because, and in a blink that's it, i guess we're besties now, yeah? (-probably every single person in the paddock)

and idk i'm not really an expert of lewis but one think i picked from interviews/press cons is that when he likes someone he enjoys teasing them (he did that with nico, then with seb, lando, george, etc) and he does that with carlos as well and it's pretty sweet! and he also went to hug him as soon as he saw him post-silverstone which was also <3

(and the merc admin also went wild with this with the pics and motivational caption to carlos after the canadian gp, then them congratulating carlos for the pole + win, then asking after him in the austria gp....... yeah i can get behind the teams competing to become carlos and charles' besties lmao)

[realcube]

haikyuu!! boys’ reactions to you speaking 💗 uwu💗

characters: tsukishima, ushijima, yaku, kenma & iwazumi

thank you anon for this cute request 💕 idk what i just wrote but i had fun 👍

IWAIZUMI & KENMA’S ARE AGED UP! MUTURE THEMES - MINORS DNI

tw// fluff, swearing, uwu language, cwinge

kenma’s hcs tw// sexual themes, implied switch!reader, phone sex(?), mentions of a blowjob, mentions of punishment

iwaizumi’s hcs tw// breeding kink, fem!reader, orgasm denial

Kei Tsukishima

you realised he didn’t like it so you did it just to annoy him LMFAO

he was scrolling through tiktok and a girl popped up on his fyp talking like that, so he snarled and immediately flicked it away, muttering something along the lines of ‘why do people speak like that? do they think it’s cute? ‘cause it’s really not; it’s just embarrassing.’

so you wasted no time in responding, ‘sowwy? what was that?’

HELL 👏 FIRE

his blood literally ran cold, he was aware that you liked taking the piss but he didn’t expect you to do it to this extent

 ‘what did you just say?’ he murmured, silently praying that he had just misheard you

you rolled your eyes before scoffing ‘nothing.’ you deepened your voice, just playing around at this point tbh

tsukishima hummed in agreement, deciding not to inquire further as he figured that he must’ve heard the echo of the girl’s voice in his head rather than yours

so he was just about go back to scrolling until he heard you coo in a high-pitched from behind him, ‘tsukishima is a lil’ bitch.’

‘(Y/N), FUCKING STOP!’ he let a throaty scream at you

‘you’re so boring, tsukki-’ you spoke, quickly cutting yourself off so you could switch to your uwu voice, ‘or should I say; bowing.’

you said, hopeful that your voice would make it clearing that you meant ‘boring’ rather than the act of playing an instrument with a bow

‘go to hell.’ he grumbled, trying his best to tune you out by pulling his headphones over his ears 

‘babe~’ you purred, shuffling over to him and peppering kisses along the nape of his neck as you were feeling extra evil today, ‘wuv you~’

‘jail.’  tsukishima simply stated as he switched over to Spotify so he could blare some Mother Mother to drown out the sound of your voice

the worst part was that he couldn’t even tell if he liked it or not PFFT

like it was cute but the fact you weaponised it against him annoyed him

but you were also giving him kithes so he couldn’t exactly complain 💞

Morisuke Yaku 

ok don’t even lie yaku does a variant of the uwu voice whenever he’s trying to insult kuroo IUGBEIGVA

it’s something like ‘aww, kuwoo, does your lil’ undewdeveloped bwain not undewstand algebwa?’ but in a mocking way yk?

so when a he watches a lil’ tabby cat approach you on the street, then you busted out the uwu voice that he had never heard before- he was taken aback

at first he was like ‘woah why are you making fun of that cat?’ bc he always associated that voice with ridicule LMFAO

but when he processed all the nice things you were saying he realised that you were being nice lol

so then he was like ‘awwww 🥺 (y/n) + cat = SO FKN CUTE!! 💕💗💖’ *click click* and he just starts taking photos

he probably puts them on his private story with the caption ‘their an angel 😍’

(then kuroo probably replies with ‘they’re*’) (don’t ask why yaku put him on his private story ✋)

anyway, he’s probably so fond of the voice too like ofc he thinks it’s cute

bc it’s a lil’ kitten and you’re talking to it in a high-pitched voice as if it can understand you SO FKN CUTE

he’s not too effected by it tho- it’s mostly how well you get on with the cat that he really admires

then he couched down beside you to talk to the cat too and y’all had a whole conversation with it in uwu

‘aww, look! are you hungwy, baby?’ you asked the cat as it licked the back of it’s paw

‘i think, it is!’ yaku continued, aware that if anybody from school caught him doing this, he’d pass away on the spot but what can he say? he’s soft for you (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

 ‘i have some blueberries in my bag, you can have some if you say please.’ he told the cat

you were both met by the cat’s blank - but adorable - stare, accompanied by silence until the kitten let out a faint, ‘mew’

‘AWWWWWW!!! 💞💕💖🥺👏 ’ you both squealed in unison, impressed by the kitten’s response 

‘it understands us!’ you gasped while applauding the cat for it’s excellent communication skills

‘the voice must work!’ yaku concluded as he scrambled to throw his bag off his back and rummage through it in search of the tub of blueberries

you nodded, watching in awe as yaku pulled out the tub to carefully pick out the plumpest berries and feed them to the cat

yaku noticed your expression out of the corner of his eye and chuckled, ‘what?’

‘you’re so cute.’ you snickered, lighting bopping his nose with your index finger as he continued to allow the cat to feed out of the palm of his hand

a furious blush immediately covered his cheeks as he hastily turned his head away to hide it - in a typical anime fashion, ‘be quiet.’

Kenma Kuzome

it’s a sex thing-- it’s 100% a sex thing

a kink perhaps?

ngl he loves it when you do the voice in bed 

like don’t ask why it turns him on so much

he’s weak for you whenever you do the voice tbh

BUT it’s only hot when you do it 

when any other person does it - especially if it’s over text - he literally gags 🤢🤢🤢

when a streamer he watches does the voice, he’s just thinks ‘ew ✋ that isn’t cute. pls stop.’

but when you do it- boner alert pfft

especially when you moan in that voice yES HE LOVES THAT

you just execute it in a way these other bitches just can’t, okay? 💅 IUERBGFERIBG

he doesn’t mind putting the voice on sometimes if you like it when he does it but he’s really embarrassed by it 🙈

he’ll try to say something in the voice while you’re rearranging his guts for a change and you’re praising him like 👏👏👏 ‘awh, precious kenma bb.i love that voice on you, i might just let you cum early--’

and he’s fucking groaning from pain, pleasure and humiliation 

‘never again.’ was the single coherent thought he could form

you’re only giving like 20% of the time but if you happen to giving on a day that you’re feeling especially evil, you might make him do the voice in exchange for orgasm privileges

but he gets you back for it though 

you’d call him, whining and pleading for him to help you with the throbbing between your legs or at the very least, give you permission to touch yourself

but considering that the day prior, you had tortured his ass to the point were he was now struggling to sit down, ofc he was just like ‘no ❤’ when you ask for his assistance 

even after your continuous begging, he didn’t budge 

‘don’t you dare put your hands on yourself until i get home. i’m leaving right now so i should be back in half an hour but if you keep pestering me like a little bitch, then i’ll be sure to go extra slow on the highway.’

although, for kenma ‘extra slow’ is probably the speed limit lmao

(istg he drives like he’s in mario kart)

however, half an hour was just too long 😩 i mean, you had probably been on call with him for 5 minutes already and it took you 20 minutes to get him to pick up the phone so by now, you were clearly on the brink of madness

‘kitten~’ you whined, desperately trying to think of a way to convince kenma to aid you 

then you remembered; his weak spot

‘pwease, baby?’ you softened and raised the pitch of your voice

kenma perked up as he realised what you were trying to do, the tips of his ears burning, ‘don’t bother to try that with me, (y/--’

‘i’ll suck you off when you come back.’ you promised, keeping the voice on, the aching getting worse and worse by the second

kenma was now partially able to relate to your circumstance as he began to feel a straining of his own, between his legs at your cutesy tone along with the image of the last time you blew him tormenting his mind

‘whatever. but only use your hands. i can tell when you use a toy so don’t even try; or else i’ll dick you down ‘til the sun rises- okay bye.’

atm the moment, that hardly sounded like a punishment but then you reflected back on how you’d be crying for a mercy after the fourth round with kenma so- yeah

anyway, moral of the story, if you perform the voice well enough, it’s basically kenma’s weakness so use it wisely 

Hajime Iwaizumi

you first did the voice in front of him while you had a friend’s baby in your arms and you were trying to communicate with it 

it kinda looked like 

you: hewwo babyy~ who’s the most precious thing? you are! 

the baby: 🤠

the parent: 🙂

iwa: 😶

iwa ON THE INSIDE: breeding kink go brrrr 😩 i want to put a baby in her so bad- she’ll scream my name in that fucking voice tonight

and he was right

cut to him pounding you while demanding that you say his name in ✨the voice✨ or else you won’t be allowed to cum

ofc you had too much pride for that so you just let him dick you down and cum whether he likes it or not but he could tell that was the plan you had in mind so he suddenly pulled out just as you were about to reach your high

he looked at you with a mean scowl, ‘fucking say it or i’ll stop right now.’

if he were to stop, it would kinda be a punishment for him too but he didn’t care- anything to see his lovely gf suffer tbh 😇

also he could get off to you fingering yourself, struggling to orgasm- he’s done it before and he’ll gladly do it again if you don’t say his damn name 

‘iwa..’ you groaned, gripping at the sheets as you anticipated him sliding his cock back into you 

‘in the voice.’ iwaizumi reiterated, delivering a hard smack to the side of your thigh out of annoyance

you hissed at the sharp impact , gulping to lubricate your dry throat before choking out in your best imitation of the voice he desired, ‘iwa~’

he was only half-satisfied with what you uttered but i mean, it got the job done

his dick was throbbing, practically begging for the comfort of your warm cunt once again so he hastily slipped back in, letting out a low groan as he did so

so he’d continue hammer you from behind, probably muttering incoherent things about your babies and your voice while doing so but you chose to pay little attention to it as you couldn’t help but focus on your own intense pleasure

once he finally climaxed, he did it inside you which you wasn’t surprising as y’all had already established that you love being being filled up and he loves filling you up 💕

but then he insisted that y’all go for another few rounds to increase the chance of pregnancy 

like- sir-

you didn’t have the heart to tell him that you were on birth control 

bc surely......he would’ve known

but he didn’t

you eventually told him that you had no interest in coming off birth control and he wasn’t mad LMAO he didn’t even want a baby tbh he was just caught up in the moment 

yeah no but if you do the voice again, the cycle will continue

Wakatoshi Ushijima

you were both hanging out in your bedroom, doing your own things, and you were sending your friend a (video) snap so you ironically used the uwu voice

ofc this caught his attention so he shifted his gaze off of his revision sheets and onto you, shooting you a weird look

you couldn’t help but snicker, turning to him and continuing with your little impression, ‘can i hewp you?’ you tried to ask in all seriousness but you couldn’t suppress the smile that was tugging on the corners of your lip

were you a little high? yes

ushijima just blinked rapidly, wondering why you sound like a cuter version of mickey mouse all of a sudden

was it a trend?

or maybe it was for one of those ‘tiktoks’?

either way, ushijima couldn’t help what he said next

‘no. i’m fiwne.’

IUERSBGTOHAROHSGBGFRO

HE SAID IT LIKE ‘fi - whine’ THO

you passed away 💀⚰

‘TOSHI!!!’ you screamed, feeling your soul leave your body

ushijima gasped, thinking that you had just been possessed or sumn, ‘hm?’

once he realised that you were in fact sane, he figured that your reaction must have something to do with his response 

‘did i say something wrong?’ his lips curling into the tiniest of smiles, simply because you looked so joyous so ofc he was he was happy seeing you happy

‘nope! please say it again, toshi! i’m beggin’ ya’

‘no.’

although he loved hearing you laugh more than anything, the man had his limits

ngl he doesn’t mind when you do it - it just doesn’t especially effect him, that’s all

you could just randomly start talking like that during a conversation and he’ll just go from 😐 to 😐

but he gets butterflies when you call him ‘baby’ which is something you usually pickup whenever you put on the voice lol <3

pls call him ‘baby’ or ‘babe’ more he just wants to feel cared for and loved for a change instead of always having to constantly put on a front of ‘big, stoic man with no feeling that you can push around to your hearts content’  around literally everyone. sometimes he just wants to come home and feel like he can actually express himself and be soft without getting ridiculed  

[loneworldgazer]

Manager Who Loves Animals

seijoh x gen!reader

oh lord, iwaizumi adores you so much

jkjk this isn't an iwaizumi x reader 😔

practise already started and the third years wondered where their manager went

"hey, where do you think y/n went?" kunimi shrugs to kindaichi's question and speak of the devil, they arrived out of breath

"y/n chan~ why are you late?" oikawa grinned, seeing their manager catching their breath and glare at him when they so desperately tried to inhale

remembering the reason of why you were late, you dipped your head down, embarassed

"uh i saw a frog?" iwaizumi's eyebrow raised and oikawa hummed, interested in why saying that makes your entire body shy away from their stares

"it was adorable and i took pictures of it- anyway get back to practise hmp-" you waved your hands around and pushed them back to do their serves

word got around due to oikawa's big mouth and iwaizumi couldn't stop thinking about it, he could imagine the stars in your eyes, seeing a tiny frog settled on a leaf and snapping pics at it, it made him grin

"what is our ace smiling about?" you appeared behind him with his towel and he shook his head

"you smiling about frogs"

after practise, the other third years watched you and iwaizumi scrolling through his phone, mostly it was you making noise

hearing you squeling about frogs was his new favourite sound

at night when you're done showering, you saw a few notifications from the volleyball group chat (that mattsun and makki made)

the group chat flooded with pictures and videos of insects and frogs???

first, it was oikawa showing a swarm of fireflies near a bush and he was recording them settling down on the leaves

then it became a black hole of photoshoots with fireflies where he pull up peace signs and took selfies

you were screaming in the chat and keyboard smashed which you later stopped when iwaizumi asked you to calm down

kunimi didn't say anything but dropped in a picture of two ladybugs which was just outside his window

yahaba took a picture of his youngest brother's geckos, feeding it crickets and cockroaches

kindaichi's little brother was playing with his little sheep cat and it played with its cat toy, pouncing on it

kyoutani was wrestling with his dog and his sister was recording the chaos happening

makki and mattsun had took pictures of the stingray that chilled beside them when they went to the local zoo, captioning it as "hey it's smilling at you y/n :))"

your heart was going to burst with all of the animals that they just sent you, you did not know where to start

you're literally rolling around and screeching at their cuteness (from the boys or animals, idk lmao)

you just burst out with questions and compliments

kyoutani smiled at your text, complimenting his dog when his sister was screaming for him to help her stop the dog harrasing her

kindaichi's heart race when you send a voice message of you screaming about his kitten who was perched on his lap, tired from playing with its toy

yahaba had to stop looking at his phone so he wouldn't have a heart attack from your cuteness

the meme team loved the laughter that spilled from your lips when you talked about the pictures they took

kunimi's lips curved when you also sent some pictures of ladybugs that was also outside your window

oikawa complained that you haven't said anything about his pictures >:((

yeah y/n-chan, why are you not saying anything grrrr

eventually you had to in the midst of the third years bullying oikawa and he cheered when he saw you said "the fireflies are so pretty :DD you too oikawa san :))"

it was a wholesome moment

on that point on, every win that they got (or loss) they would go to any places that had animals

cat cafes, zoos, etc

just to see their manager ramble about bringing some of them home or wanting to feed some of them

or just have conversations about animals or send you animal memes whenever you're feeling down

(oh how bad they wanted to marry you and have a zoo in the house they live in just to see that blissful, shining smile on your face everyday)

you were so precious~

[jrueships]

about your latest kyle/demar/jimmy… i can 100% see kyle and jimmy bullying demar on both daily basis or yk the bedroom 😏😁

what else is to be expected when demar gets with his two biggest haters !!! Thank you again to clutchpoints serving the gay agenda, unasked

BUT ALSO.........

you're So right op ... i think they're So funny. It's like they take turns being the one bullied like the healthy polycule they are! They remind me of that one stock photo compilation of these women bullying each other but like.. they would take turns being the one bullied?? Like in one pic the girl with the scarf would be the one getting her hair grabbed then the next pic SHES the one doing the hair grabbing ?? And people were captioning 'healthy elaborate polycule foreplay !! ' or 'the switch squad goin CRAAZY!!!' And it's like! Wow! It's very kyle/demar/jimmy

Like okay hmmm... like maybe kyle and jimmy are picking on deebo for idk always wanting to rp old movies LMAO like jimmy points at deebo mouthing the actors lines while he watches New Jack City and kyle does his evil little snort choke laugh and they clown on him in a duo. ' he think he Wesley snipes AAAHaa' 'he from Cali! The actor's dream is in his blood!' And deebos like 🙄 the copious stank yall be wafting through the vibes rn.... but then HE says smthin clever like 'if jimmy were an actor, he'd go every scene with some product placement in his hand' and kyle starts laughing at JIMMY now and jimmy like WOW. WOW! okay well at least i could fit on the screen without the camera needing to pan down everytime the crowd wants to see someone so Short' and kyle is like 🤣🤣🤣😐. That's not funny. So now deebo and JIMMY are laughing at kyle until kyle somehow turns it back onto deebo AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES !!!! like ! Idk!! Those three are just a bunch of little haters in love <3 i think they're just really funny, television worthy dynamic that flips All the time. They're similar but also Not, and it's Great. Also i Do be thinking about them cuddling together in bed <3 taking turns who sleeps in the middle. Jimmy is usually not allowed because he gets up really early and shakes the whole bed, but also he usually gets them all up in the morning with him even though they don't have to because he's insane planet fitness anyways. But yeah the idea of deebo sleeping in the middle of kyle and jimmy, buff arms around him at both sides, kyles leetle arms trying to hold both deebo And jimmy.. jimmy randomly holding kyles hand across demars chest.. demar waking up after a really bad dream that leaves him shaken and worrying about being alone, only to realize the two people he loves the most (besides his kids (and some stinky people too unfortunately bcus deebo is too nice)) are right there beside him and he kinda reaches his arms out behind them and pulls them closer, kisses their foreheads while they sleep <3. kyle doesn't sleep as often in the middle as youd Think he would because he moves alot in his sleep. Jimmy and demar wake up to kyle curled up on their legs like a cat under the covers LMAO. Also he probably hates jimmys coffee breath, even though jimmy smells like a God he Still finds Something to complain about. ALSO ALSO kyle probably still tries humping people LMFAO. Like they just be cuddling and suddenly deebo feels a dump truck repeatedly backing into his pelvis and jimmy feels something keep hitting his butt and deebo is like 'kahl. OK. Kahl- kahl, kahl. enough-' until jimmy goes 'LOWRY.' which gets kyle sent to the couch. Kyle probably sets the house on fire in the middle of the night and leaves lol (IM KIDDING

TO BE MORE SPICY ABOUT IT THO... LESS ON THE DOMESTICS UHHHHH... i think kyle and jimmy when they Bully deebo in the bedroom its kinda like... it basically feels like you're in hell getting 'tortured' by imps or whatever u know ???? like kyle is all 'you deserve a Break deebo, you deserve to Have this, you deserve So much.' And his stroking Demar's thigh getting closer and closer to where deebo wants his hand but won't until he has demar saying Please. Then there's jimmy behind demar muttering about how badly he wants to see him cry. Being more Crude with it. More rough, more demanding. Which is a pretty big accomplishment considering how bossy kyle can be. Which doesn't go away btw. Sometimes they don't always agree on what they wanna Do with deebo or want him to do or Want from him, not out of jealousy but out of 'EXCUSE ME??? im the sex SAVANT here get OUT B U M ' and deebo is just like. In heaven lol

[agentofagony]

I NEVER see the Loki antis in the Young Avengers fandom notice that Loki did not intend to actively put Billy in danger? Obviously it was still shitty but the plan was 'make him choose between dying/leaving Teddy and giving me his powers temporarily' with the assumption that Billy was in a good place. Billy was suicidal, and as soon as Loki realizes this, they intervene and they feel awful since they can empathize. They change gears accordingly. That's the whole storyline: nothing goes how Loki calculated it would play out. It does not excuse their actions. Loki DID genuinely care about Billy though and they think of the team as their friends. Billy himself even acknowledged this and tells Loki he still cares about them, BUT that forgiveness isn't solely Billy's to give. Kind of love how well he clearly knows Loki lmao

Anon Idk why what are you talking about in the first half. Are you saying I'm an anti Loki? Because if you are then you're in for a ride bub I love him.

I'm not sure if I have adhd yet or not because therapy is hard to get around here but what I know is that I have a hyperfixtion on Loki to the point that the only other marvel characters I care about other than him are either has the same problems as Loki, and or I want him to interact with them(Doyle,clea, brucebanner, deadpool, ironlad/kang) ,or they're related to Loki(the young avengers, amora, thor), Or has a beef with Loki (doctor strange and bats duh), or Loki interacted with them once(wolverine, Spiderman, kamala)

But if you're saying you never seen an anti Loki's in the young avengers Fandom then guess again. I literally saw someone saying "fuck Loki, Angela should've been on the young avengers team instead " on Twitter which is hilarious because like Angela is very old, and the rinecruited/current Loki is considered/supposed to be a young adult . And another one reqouted with a gif of a women getting hit by a train with the caption" another young avengers story about Loki"(all thought they might meant they will get hit with emotions Idk)

I unknowingly rebloged a post from an anti Loki part of the young avengers talking about how Loki told Billy to kill himself(which after checking again because my memory is bad turned out to has never happened) in fact Loki stopped him from offing himself the two times he tried it. He even confessed his plan just to stop Billy from trying to kill himself.

I'm not sure when did I say Loki didn't care about Billy? Or the young avengers?? (sorry if I actually did at some point because again garage memory)

what I remember I did say "I don't understand why they care about Loki" because seriously even if he didn't intend to get to him attampt self deletion. He still made them suffer even if he didn't intend to.

In fact I believe the young avengers are the first actual friends Loki ever had beside Thor (yes kid Loki had Leah but we're talking about young Loki who happens to have old Loki's memories ).friends he actually felt welcomed with, related to, had fun with. We know for a fact Loki never had friends through out his childhood.

I'm not sure what part made you think I'm an anti Loki. Unless you stumbled across one of the posts and reblogs I expressed fear of the young avengers reunion story. Because if you actually bothered to look at my page and scrool through it even for a second JUST A SECOND you would've known :/

I'm scared from the young avengers reunion story not because I hate Loki but because what ever is gonna happen inside the story could be Loki's doing in a way because he's fucking Loki. You know shit is about to get fucked up when ever he's around because that's just what happens.

How many times did we have Loki messing shit up without intending to? It's like literally his thing.he mess things up and everyone get mad at him.

And different writers means different looks on how Loki should be. Alyssa wong have never wrote a story with Loki beyond Iligator Loki so it's understandable for me to feel scared from her story.

She would also be writing Loki iron fist #5 too and it looks like Loki is going to be one of the villians which is making me even more nervous.

Hopefully I would be wrong and Alyssa wong would actually not write Loki as the villian . But we have to wait and see. It seems like she might be the next writer after Jason Aaron to add Loki into every story she writes based on the fact, that's he has been added to two stories she's writing for.

[threecrowsinatrenchcoat]

Paint My Spirit Gold

Dukeceit Week Day 2: Green/Yellow

Fans of the YouTubers "Deceit" and Remus "The Duke" Sanders start to suspect that maybe, just maybe, the two of them are more than simple internet pals.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 2187

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a watercolor-style painting of a snake. The snake appears to be made of melting chocolate, and there is a large bite taken out of its tail. Cherries and jam are leaking out of the snake at the bite wound. The snake's expression of horror is overly-exaggerated to the point of comedy. The caption reads: "liked your snake boi, @SerpenThyme. thanks for the inspo." /end ID]

- 

A notification ding cut Janus off mid-sentence. 

“Wow, someone left their cell phone on, so professional,” he said, giving the camera a dramatic eye roll. That someone was him, of course, because he was the only one in the apartment- just him and the running livestream- but that was no excuse not to be a drama queen about it. He finished wiping flour off his hands and grabbed his phone to silence it; but the notification made him pause. He flicked his eyes up toward the camera and gave a slight smirk.

“My goodness, I’m famous,” he drawled. “The Duke himself has graced little old me with some fan art.”

Most of the comments in the chat wanted him to show it, so Janus opened up Twitter to see the full post he’d been tagged in. It was a watercolor painting of the coiled-snake chocolate sculpture- lovingly named Jake by his viewers- he’d made for his YouTube video last week; it was wearing an expression of such comedic horror that Janus had to stifle a laugh. He flicked his phone screen toward the close-up camera on his counter so his viewers could see.

“How kind of you, Remus,” he said. “All of you should go scold him for what he’s done to poor Jake here.”

Most of his viewers would know he was joking- after all, they were the ones to nickname him Deceit when he provided neither a real or fake name for his online persona. They knew full well what he was like by now.

The oven timer dinged. Janus silenced his phone and set it aside.

“And our first batch of cookies is done. You know, why don’t we show the Duke some appreciation?”

-

[ID: An Instagram post by user @SerpenThyme. The photo is an artistically-framed shot of a stack of sugar cookies with green, yellow, and pink icing. Propped up against the stack is another cookie, with an intricate icing-drawing of an octopus. The photo appears to have been color corrected to have high contrast, low saturation, and a dark vignette at the edges. The Instagram user @OctoDukie is tagged. No caption. /end ID]

- 

“You know, I have often been accused of actually being a little old lady, what with my fondness for knitted jumpers, rocking chairs, and incredibly fucked up murder mystery books. Today I am doing nothing to dispel this accusation, by making soup.”

The studio was dark and empty aside from Remus' workspace. Everyone else had left long ago, even his own brother, which meant that it was officially ass-o'clock in the morning (or, as most people called it, somewhere between 1 and 2 a.m.) But Remus was stuck in hyperfocus, honed in on putting the last touches on a commission that he'd been putting off for weeks. It's not that it was a tough painting- once he'd gotten started, it was actually a very creatively satisfying piece- but man, executive dysfunction could go suck a dick

“French onion soup, specifically. Because while I do like to pretend I am a classy bitch, I am also, regrettably, a lazy bitch with a distaste for anything that takes longer than one bottle of wine to make.”

Remus hated working in silence. It was stifling, almost suffocating. His brain needed noise like his lungs needed air. So when the studio had grown still and silent, Remus had flipped open his laptop and queued up some YouTube videos. 

“So we have here three pounds of onions that we need to slice up, pole to pole. You’re going to cry no matter what, so if you have any memories you’ve been repressing since middle school, now is an excellent time to dredge those up.” 

And if it happened to be 90% SerpenThyme videos, well. Sue him. 

“Now the first rule of caramelizing onions: fast and sloppy is always better than slow and thorough… at least, that’s what every man I’ve ever slept with tells me.”

Remus choked and glanced over to his laptop screen just in time to catch Deceit's trademark smirk directed at the audience just for a moment. It was the deadpan delivery that always got him. Remus could barely hold onto a joke long enough to get through it without cackling mid-punchline, but this fucker could say the funniest shit like an off-hand comment. 

He wiped his hands off on his jeans (what use were clothes if you couldn't use them as paint rags?) and pulled his laptop across the table.  He typed out a quick comment, citing the timestamp of the joke, and after it was posted, he shut his laptop. 

'Cause ass-o'clock was short for "get-your-ass-home-or-I’ll-kick-it" o'clock. 

-

[ID: A screenshot of a YouTube comments section. The first comment is by user TheDuke, and reads: "10:42 wow, rude." The second comment is a reply by user SerpenThyme, and simply reads ";)" /end ID]

-

Janus plopped down on the couch with a slight groan. He didn’t need to stream today, but he really hated missing days. Besides… he was fine. Really. 

He adjusted the camera until he was happy with the framing, and then checked the settings on his streaming software. Satisfied, he started the stream, and watched as his usual viewers rolled in. 

“What do you mean I’m not in my kitchen?” Janus drawled, addressing the chat. He glanced around with an expression of faux-shock on his face. “My goodness, when did that happen?”

He chuckled, and then gestured to his surroundings. “Yes, we are in my living room today. If you must know, my closest and most trusted friend tried to murder me today- yes, Virgil, it was attempted murder and nothing less- and I survived with nary a scratch… and a broken foot, but that is beside the point. Anyway, I’m not allowed to stand for long periods of time, and I may or may not be somewhat inebriated by pain pills and couldn’t stand even if I wanted to. So we are cooking from my couch today.”

Janus paused for a few moments to read the chat messages as they popped up. A few get well soon’s, a few theories about the “attempted murder,” Virgil- who moderated his chat for him- vehemently denying the “attempted murder” but otherwise refusing to clarify the event, and a large volume of wtf why are you streaming today, take care of yourself comments, which made him smile. But one particular comment caught his eye, almost lost amid the torrent of an active chat: wait this kinda looks like the Duke’s living room?

“Oh, VampSuga,” he said, addressing that commenter in particular with a slight smirk. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, since I can’t reach my oven from here, I thought some no-bake cookies were in order. For these you will need-”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Discord conversation. The text reads:

“VampSuga: Ok ok hear me out. Dukeceit. 

Starstruck96: who?

IneffableSnek: lmao

FeralBeauYasha: lol

VampSuga: Deceit and Remus Sanders! They’re totally dating. I will die on this hill. 

FeralBeauYasha: Isn’t the duke w/ PatPat?

IneffableSnek: no thats his brothers bf

FeralBeauYasha: ohh

VampSuga: Did anyone see Deceit’s stream today? I swear that’s the Duke’s livingroom. 

StarStruck96: idk that seems like a stretch

IneffableSnek: no wait i kno what u mean

IneffableSnek: im watching the duke’s old videos and that one where he shows off all his old weapons he’s in a living room kinda like deceit’s 

FeralBeauYasha: They were acting all cute on twitter too

VampSuga: DUKECEIT”  /end ID]

-

"Hey guys, been a while since you've seen my face and not just whatever my hands are busy with, when it's within YouTube's terms and conditions I mean. They used to be way more lenient…" Remus trailed off for a moment, then shook his head sharply and plastered on a grin. 

"Anyway! In June me and a few other creators did a fundraiser for the Trevor Project, and y'all smashed the goal, so I let you decide what video I'd make this month." He paused, and gestured to the mountain of clothes piled behind him on the bed. "And you had so many juicy ideas to choose from, but you decided to dress me up like a Barbie instead."

Remus paused to scroll through his phone for a few moments. "Ah, ok, here we go. Twitter user YoonIsMyCat- oh, BTS, nice- sent in this first outfit. Uh… future Remus, put up the post here somewhere." He gestured vaguely to his right. "Y'all went with either a fuckton more clothes or a fuckton less clothes, which I respect. Apparently this outfit is called…” He squinted at his phone. “Amish chic? I take it back, no respect at all.”

Remus cycled through the outfits his viewers sent in, which ranged from the aforementioned “Amish chic” to “2008 rave attire” to “ok now you guys are just fucking with me” (which consisted of one of those big puffy snow coats, lime green in color; booty shorts with the shrug text emoji across the ass; fuzzy pink boots; and a yellow cowboy hat to top off the whole thing. It was awful. Remus loved it.) The mountain of clothes on the bed gradually became a mess of clothes spread across the floor instead, until there was just one outfit left. 

“Ok so Twitter user VampSuga sent me this outfit that I’m gonna call ‘sexy librarian.’ I couldn’t find this exact sweater online, but-” he paused for dramatic effect, before brandishing a sweater toward the camera like a bullfighter. “My boyfriend had something that was close enough.”

Remus hopped up from the bed and switched off the camera so he could change.

“They’re going to lose their minds,” a voice drawled from the doorway. Remus threw his shirt at him.

“Shoo, I’m getting naked.”

-

[ID: A Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a selfie of YouTuber Remus “The Duke” Sanders, a Hispanic man with his hair dyed green and styled into a spiked mohawk. He is wearing a yellow knitted cardigan over a black button-up shirt. He is grinning widely at the camera. The caption reads: “my viewers pick my outfits! now live on youtube. go see what i look like as a sexy librarian!” /end ID]

-

DukeceitStan

first and only dukeceit shipper ig

DukeceitStan

wow there’s so many of you now! Hi!!

DukeceitStan

i want this to be canon so bad omg

DukeceitStan

i mean just look

[image]

how 

[image]

cute

[image]

[ID: A series of three gifs featuring Youtubers SerpenThyme, aka Deceit, and TheDuke, aka Remus Sanders. Deceit is a black man with long, dreadlocked hair, and vitiligo patches along the left side of his face. Remus is a Hispanic man with green-dyed hair styled into a mohawk, many ear and facial piercings, and tattoos covering both arms. Each gif is edited so that the highlights are tinged yellow when Deceit is seen, and tinged green when Remus is seen.

The first gif depicts a close-up shot of Deceit’s hands as he carefully decorates a cookie with green and yellow icing. The cookie art he is working on appears to be a half-finished octopus. The gif then fades into a mid-shot of Remus, with his back to the camera, facing a canvas. The canvas is blank, and Remus appears to be laying out paints on a table to his left. 

The second gif depicts Deceit seated at his couch, facing the camera. He has many ingredients spread across his coffee table (including oats, cocoa powder, and butter) and appears to be in the process of laying out several more. The gif fades to show Remus seated at a similar couch with a similar coffee table in front of him. The camera is angled slightly downward to better show the myriad of knives spread out across the table. Remus is gesturing wildly with a morning star held in his hand. 

The third gif depicts Deceit in his kitchen. He is pulling on a bright, yellow knitted cardigan, and smirking toward the camera. The gif fades to show Remus in his bedroom, seated on his bed. He is holding up a similar-looking cardigan toward the camera and grinning. /end ID]

- 

“Remus, it’s almost two in the morning. Come to bed.”

“I’m coming, sorry. Twitter distracted me.”

“Mm. I can’t believe the bird app is more distracting than I am.”

“You should try harder.”

“Come to bed and maybe I will.”

“Ok, ok, I’m coming. Hang on though, is it cool if I post this?”

“Sure. They figured it out anyway.”

“Sweet. Ok, Jannie, I’m coming.”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It reads: “Dukeceit is canon.” /end ID] 

[maruscheese]

Bust your kneecaps

Pairing: Yandere!Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warning(s): Implied death, cheating, toxic relationships, some angst at the beginning?, just Fuyuhiko doing baby gangsta stuff lmao idk

Your boyfriend cheats on you and you seek comfort in your best friend, who is also the Ultimate Yakuza.

“Darling, please, let’s talk about this,” You begged, showing your boyfriend a pleading look as you watched him hurriedly shove the last of his belongings in a suitcase.

“There’s nothing to talk about, y/n,” He stated coldly with a shrug of his shoulders, pressing down on the suitcase and swiftly zipping it shut, and with that, he pulled the luggage off the bed and on the wooden floor, pulling out the handle and inclining it slightly, ready to head out.

“But you… How can you do this to me? You said… I thought…” You tried to speak, trying to find something to say that could touch his heart, try to find the old him, the one who loved you.

But the words just weren’t coming out.

Mainly because at this point, there really wasn’t much left to say. It was clear by the way he sighed at your pathetic attempts at coercion and the way he raised his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

“Y/n… Look, I’m sorry, I really am, but I just…” He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath, holding it in as he tried to find the right words to say. After all, he hadn’t stopped caring about you, he’d just fallen in love with someone else. But what would the right words be for telling someone you’d been seeing someone else for months now? What kind of words could possibly minimize the impact of confessing you’d fucked someone over and over again until it turned into something more than just a carnal relation? There really wasn’t anything that would make this any less painful for you.

“You just?” You asked, desperation in your voice. Did these years of dating mean nothing to him? Didn’t you deserve a proper explanation at least? 

“I fell in love with someone else, okay? I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to happen. We weren’t supposed to develop feelings for each other. But we did. And… And I’m not going to stay with someone I don’t love just to protect their feelings. I’m sorry y/n, but I’m putting my happiness first.” 

The words hit you like a bullet straight to the heart. It ached, it stung. You found yourself overwhelmed by all these awful emotions you wished you could say you’d never felt before, when you found his lipstick stained collars, or the much silkier, longer hair you’d find on his coat, or the cheap rose scented perfume that’d stick around on his skin even as you slept together, in the same bed.

In that moment, the emotions were more than overwhelming, though. When you’d first found out about his affair, you’d describe that as overwhelming, but this? No, this was so much more than overwhelming. It was on an entirely new level.

The hurt became too much, and your legs gave in, causing you to drop on your knees, stinging mildly from the sudden and harsh contact with the floor, but you barely registered it in the moment, finding yourself trapped amidst all this shock and hurt, realization hitting you like a punch to the gut. 

Apparently, you failed to realize exactly when he left the apartment too, but it’s not like that mattered since he was leaving anyway. He was going to chase his own happiness, regardless of how you felt about not being a part of it anymore.

The following days consisted of what you’d come to consider a rather comfortable routine based on sleeping, eating, pretending to watch TV while you stalked his social media, and crying. 

The third day after he’d left, he posted a picture with his new lover, along with the caption “Love you forever x” and you chuckled bitterly.

He didn’t even have the decency to wait a little longer.

In all honesty, you felt humiliation. You’d been avoiding the mirror lately, well aware of how red your eyes and nose would be, and how puffy your face would be, and how evident the bags under your eyes would be. How did you let something like this happen? You didn’t want to feel like this, especially about a relationship ending, but you couldn’t help the way your heart seemed to be stuck in a permanent ache. And now, your mutual friends would learn about your break-up like this, and about the affair, too. How embarrassing.

Not even 10 minutes after the post had been made, your phone was bombarded with notifications, texts, and calls. What had happened? Did you break up? Did he cheat? Who is she? How long had it been since you broke up? Why weren’t they the first to know about this?

After a couple minutes of ongoing nagging, they finally ceased. 

And an hour or so after that, a single notification made your phone’s screen light up.

“Hey. Are you home?”

It was a text from your best friend, Fuyuhiko, and even though your chest had been aching endlessly for the last week or so, a warmth suddenly enveloped your heart comfortingly, and though you couldn’t bring yourself to actually smile, internally, you did.

“Yeah.” You quickly texted back, and set the phone down on the nightstand beside your bed, getting up and quickly heading to the bathroom, knowing he’d most likely be there in a minute.

Still avoiding the mirrors, you brushed your teeth and washed your face, and just as you were finishing up with drying your face, you heard the door open and then close.

“Still got that key I gave you, I see,” You said from the bathroom, and you thought he’d at least chuckle in response, but all there was was silence.

The footsteps could be heard approaching the end of the hallway, and soon, you met Fuyuhiko’s face, painted with concern, and a small tint of that seemingly always present anger in him.

“Where is that bastard?” He asked, and you sighed, shaking your head and forcing a small smile for him to see.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Fuyuhiko, thanks for asking. I appreciate your concern,” You said sarcastically, and in a different situation, your sarcasm would’ve made him roll his eyes, but they stayed fixed on yours, determined gaze only being intensified by blonde, thick furrowing brows.

Sighing once again, this time in defeat, you walked away from him, and to your bedroom, trust falling onto your mattress, and Fuyuhiko’s gaze followed you, waiting patiently for you to respond.

“I don’t know,” You began, and his gaze softened as he walked closer until he found himself sitting on the edge of your bed, a hand resting on his lap and the other resting on the mattress for support. “He simply packed and left. Said something about putting his happiness first.” Fuyuhiko clicked his tongue and scooted closer to you, index and thumb finding a place under your chin and tilting your face slightly, making you look at him.

“Bastard knows close to fucking nothin’ if he thinks he’ll ever be happy with anyone that isn’t you. As if he could replace you with some slag,” His expression hardened and you could only try to figure out what was going on in his mind the second he looked away from you and fixed his gaze on the blank wall, little habit of his you’d found about shortly after meeting. He always did this when he was deep in thought, and knowing him, for the most part, his thoughts were no good. Especially when he looked so angry, like right now.

“I could bust the fucker’s kneecaps if you want me to, you know,” He blurted out, and you sat up immediately, eyes wide and looking into his perfectly calm and serious looking eyes, no trace of a possible joke.

“Fuyuhiko, no,” You warned him, mirroring the furrowed brows and intense gaze he had shown you before, and he returned it.

“What? Why not? He’s an asshole and the only person who’d miss him is the bitch he stuffs his cock into!” He argued, and you felt your heart ache at the statement, tears pooling in the corners of your eyes, ready to spill. “Wait, shit, I didn’t- That’s not- Fuck!” Fuyuhiko yelled, running his fingers through his hair in exasperation and looking away, his cheeks red from embarrassment.

You shook your head and took his hand in yours, showing him a small smile as tears streamed down your face. “It’s okay, Fuyuhiko, I know you didn’t mean it that way,” You explained, and the blonde felt his heart jump in his chest, not knowing if it was cause of the way you suddenly took his hand, or because of how easily you understood him, and the way he sucked at expressing himself. After all, that’s what got him falling so hard for you in the first place, and what had him so displeased when you started going out with that cheating, good for nothing, worthless bastard. He knew you were too good for him, too kind and caring and understanding, and, to him at least, it truly felt like no one realized just how good you were, and how undeserving of you they were. The only one who could notice was him, therefore making him the only one worthy of your love. He was the only one who understood how good you were, and the only one who understood exactly how much you deserved, and it certainly was a lot more than he ever gave you during the time you were together.

“I don’t want you hurting him,” You explained, and he huffed, holding back from saying anything, but still giving you a look that said he still wanted to do it. In return though, you showed him a pleading look, and he turned away.

“Fine, I guess, but I can’t promise I won’t end him if he ever tries to come near you,” He said, and you rolled your eyes.

“Good,” You said. “With that out of the way, are you busy today?” You asked, and Fuyuhiko cocked a brow, humming questioningly. “You know, since you came over… I thought we could spend the day together. Being with you never fails to cheer me up,”

Fuyuhiko smirked and crossed his arms. “Yeah, no shit. I was gonna be busy, but it’s not like it can’t wait,” He said, and you beamed at him, rapidly lunging at him and pinning him down on the bed with your weight, letting small giggles escape your lips.

Ultimately, Fuyuhiko and you spent the weekend together, and it turned out pretty great if you’re being fully honest. You can’t just lie and say that in all that time you were together there was not a single second that you didn’t feel sad or think about him, after all, that was the main reason he was spending the weekend with you, or so you thought, but as it turns out, he actually did help you cheer up, a lot more than you had initially thought he could. The blonde noticed this too. It seemed like all you needed was someone to be there with you to help keep you distracted and entertained, instead of thinking about what he could possibly be doing, or if he was thinking of you, or what you did that was so wrong that it ended up driving him away.

The little distractions Fuyuhiko kept you busy with made time fly by and sadly, the weekend was gone in the blink of an eye, and your best friend would have to go take care of whatever he had postponed to spend time with you. “Hey, cut it with that pouty shit, you look too cute for your own good,” He said with a smirk, his hand resting on the top of your head, flattening the messy hair.

“You’ll be back soon, right?” You asked, looking at him like a pleading puppy, and he chuckled softly, ruffling your hair.

“Of course I will be, I just need to take care of something real quick, and I’ll be with you again,” Your lips curled up into a small smile at his words, and you stepped forward to hug him goodbye, pecking his cheek and pulling away to walk back inside, still waving until the door was fully closed. Despite missing him already, you sighed happily. It’d been a good weekend.

And as the Ultimate Yakuza was driven back home, a certain young man awaited, tied up and blindfolded in a basement, and his lover right next to him. 

The door creaked as it opened, and the couple visibly tensed up, chest puffing, back arching, and shoulders rolling back. 

The blonde smirked, walking over to the wooden table in the corner of the room, with a golden phonograph patiently waiting to play. He positioned the needle over the record, and music flooded the room, invading their ears.

“What do you think of the music?” Fuyuhiko asked, perfectly knowing that your ex-boyfriend would recognize his voice.

“F-Fuyuhiko?” He asked in a shaky voice, and the blonde hummed in response. “H-hey, man, y-you know you don’t gotta do this, right? I thought you liked y/n anyways! A-a-and now, she’s all free! She’s single and you can finally make your move! Shouldn’t you be happy? There’s no need to do this!”

“I really like this song,” Fuyuhiko commented, ignoring the guy’s attempt at persuasion. “It seems to fit your situation, don’t you think?”

It was only then that the pair took the time to analyze the music, and it’s lyrics, which had just started right after Fuyuhiko’s comment.

Johnny, don’t leave me

You said you’d love me forever

Honey, believe me

I’ll have your heart on a platter

The blonde’s smirk only grew as he watched the couple start to shake and cry, and he looked at the big man standing patiently next to the door, and giving him a nod, which the man imitated in response.

The man took a sledgehammer in his hands, and dragged it against the floor, the noise provoking sobs to escape from the restrained. 

“Please, please don’t-- Don’t do this, I’m begging you, I’ll--” The female’s cries were cut short by the sledgehammer slamming down on her knee, ripping a sharp cry from her throat.

Might you recall, we’ve got a small family business

And the family won’t like this

They’ll bust your kneecaps, ooh~

Fuyuhiko left the room, still able to hear the crying and screaming. Pleased with another job well done, and his hands went straight to his pockets, searching for his phone.

You heard your door open and close, and footsteps approaching your bedroom, right at the very end of the hallway, and when you turned away from the TV to the door, you saw your best friend, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu, Ultimate Yakuza.

A bright smile appeared on your face, and you jumped off the bed, running to him and jumping on him, your legs wrapping around his waist, and your arms around his torso.

“I see you missed me,” He said, and you rolled your eyes, nodding.

“Come on, now, I wanna watch a movie,” You said as you got off of him, taking his hand in yours and guiding him to your bed. 

“What movie?” He asked, kicking off his slippers and taking off his jacket. 

You answered with a shrug and settled comfortable next to him, resting your head on his chest, his arm moving to rest over your shoulder.

“I hope I didn’t make you rush to get done whatever you had to do,” You said, looking away from the TV and up at him. He looked down and looked into your eyes, shaking his head.

“Nah, it’s fine. Don’t worry your pretty little head with things like that,” He said, and you nodded, turning your attention back to the TV.