#idk what this is i was in my feels about the buckley siblings lol

[wikiangela]

I always had you

buck & maddie rating: G words: 1k summary: Buck always tried to show his mother love on Mother's Day - however, it was rarely appreciated.

[also on Ao3]

___

The first Mother’s Day Buck remembers, however vaguely, was when he was in first grade. Their teacher had them make cards for their moms, and little Evan was so excited to have something to give his mom. He doesn’t remember what his card looked like, but he remembers feeling so proud and excited about it, and showing it to Maddie when she picked him up from school, so they could take the bus together. He remembers Maddie smiling and complimenting him, and he was so excited. And he remembers giving the card to his mother… he remembers the haunted look in her eyes, tears welling up, the forced smile – he thinks she thanked him, but the memory is blurry. He tried to hug her, but she just got up and walked away. Evan was disappointed, maybe even sad, seeing his mom be sad, wondering what he did that was so upsetting. He always seemed to upset his parents. 

He remembers going to Maddie’s room, crying in her arms as she tried to comfort him – he doesn’t know what she said, it was so long ago, but he does remember the comfort she’s always brought him. 

Now, years later, he’s pretty sure his mom must’ve thrown the card away, knowing that his parents didn’t bother to keep anything from his childhood anyway. He’s just a reminder of a failure and loss.

If there’s one thing to be said about Evan Buckley is that he does not give up. So, even as a kid, he tried so hard to earn his parents’ love, to get their attention – usually by being reckless and hurting himself, he learned pretty early on that it was a foolproof way to get any sort of reaction. That’s why his mom’s reaction, or lack thereof, to that first card didn’t deter him. He was just a kid, he didn’t really get it then – now, reflecting back on it, he sees everything he didn’t then, or maybe tried not to.

So every year for Mother’s Day he brought a card from school. Then, when they stopped making them at school, he kept making them at home. When he was old enough and had some of his own money, he’d buy gifts. Something small, a chocolate, a flower, sometimes he’d get Maddie to pitch in so they could get something together. She always seemed apprehensive but indulged Buck anyway. Now Buck knows she was just trying to protect him, spare him the hurt – because each time their mom barely reacted to a gift, Buck’s heart was breaking a little. And the older he got, the less she tried to pretend to like it, and she never tried very hard in the first place. 

He never got any sort of appreciation or warmth, or… or love. It’s all he ever wanted from his mother, from both his parents, but they were too consumed by grief, as he knows now, too cold, haunted, not even willing to try for their remaining children, for years and years. 

Buck remembers the last time he got his mom a gift and decided he’s never doing that again. It was right before Maddie moved to Boston, he could’ve been around twelve. He made another card, just because he liked doing it, liked putting in the effort – and was met with his mother asking if he’s not too old for doodling. That’s what she called it. He was twelve. He was a twelve year old boy who only wanted love from his mom, some form of affection, a reassurance that he wasn’t a nuisance they just tolerated, like he felt so often. He never got it.

So, with angry tears in his eyes, he stormed out and went to Maddie. He gave her the card, just a simple, childish drawing of flowers and a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’, and she hugged him tight and said she loved it. He learned years later that she still has it now, kept with all the postcards he sent her. Maddie’s always been more of a parent to him anyway – and it’s such a bittersweet thought, because while he appreciates her so much, she shouldn’t’ve had to be. They both needed their parents, and instead were basically left alone. At least they had each other. He always had Maddie.

He didn’t wish Margaret a happy Mother’s Day again for years after that, and no one seemed to care, no one ever mentioned it. Sometimes it felt like she just didn’t want a reminder that she was his mother. It hurt, of course it did, and that, among many other things, left a permanent scar on Evan. He’s been healing, getting better, trying to fix whatever relationship with his parents he might still have, but that is always there, in the back of his mind, in his heart.

When Maddie became a mother – and after she came back, having gotten the help she needed – Buck got her a gift again, just a mug that says ‘best mom in the world’ (a reminder, that despite her struggling and doubting herself, she already raised one kid, and will do an even better job with her own) and a handmade card. He felt silly handing it to her, like a little kid again, but he had been doing arts and crafts with Christopher anyway so he decided to make something for his sister’s first Mother’s Day as a mom. So maybe it was silly and weird, and why would a grown man draw a card for his sister? But Maddie smiled widely and hugged him, and chuckled fondly when he promised he’ll teach his niece to make those, too. He can’t wait to watch her grow up, and to watch his sister be the best mom ever. And on every Mother’s Day from now on, he’ll make sure to celebrate her, the person who actually raised him, and helped mold him into who he is today with her endless kindness and patience and love. 

His mother gets a text now, since they’re trying to fix things, and Buck never quits. But Maddie gets taken out to lunch, and gets gifts, and is celebrated by all the people she loves. Because she deserves it, and so much more.

___

[also on Ao3]

[pangrams-n-palindromes]

Okay okay okay i have so many thoughts

You’re so right about the callbacks being about other people. I’m thinking Lightning 2.0 centers around Bobby. We get a “go get em, cowboy” but this time it’s “hotshot” and from Bobby

And then they’d get to finally talk about the “mom brought two kids into this marriage but you brought one” and “my captain’s not my dad but he might as well be” like just admit (confess) that y’all are family to each other please oh my god

The convo you mentioned could parallel the season 2 convo of “do you think it’s weird I still live at Abby’s?” “Yes” “yeah me too, don’t tell anyone” like ending this new convo with a don’t tell anyone right after Confessions??

Totally hear you on the Buckley Siblings track for this too. I’m less convinced because they just had their little chit chat at dispatch. However! Maybe we do get that Buckley Siblings moment - Buck coming to her about his feelings after seeing someone hanging from the ladder, her reassuring him, pregnancy announcement and then maybe her showing a little of her own fear she couldn’t show chimney. A little callback to losing Daniel, raising Buck, and losing Buck. Maybe a “family’s what you make it” parallel to “you don’t find it, you make it” and eddies little speech to chim in season 3? Idk just spitballing now lol

Also if Chris doesn’t come back soon I’m gonna start posting nonstop about how difficult it is to switch schools within the same CA district much less to another state and much much less for a kid with at least a 504 plan I’m gonna scream

I feel like we haven't given enough thought to how emotionally devastating 8x07 Hotshots could be. It has serious red-herring-episode-title potential.

I know it's the name of the silly little firefighter show inside the silly little firefighter show. But thinking of Hotshot as a term itself? It's giving me the same feeling as "go get 'em, cowboy." Like "go get 'em, hotshot" would have had the same effect.

and it's plural. I'm not saying dual near death experience... but I'm not not saying dual near death experience.

[datleggy]

Tbh after lots of thought about last night’s episodes (since I have nothing else to do lol!) I kinda came up with like an Andi Mack scenario. I felt like that was the Buckley secret. (So if you don’t know what Andi Mack is, it’s a Disney show and basically the girl’s older sister was actually her mother and the “mother” was actually her grandmother) Idk maybe Maddie is actually Buck’s mother. After further thought though, I feel like it doesn’t take much sense but that’s one of the things I came up with. Again, this could be a total stretch but I’m 9-1-1 trash so I will speculate all I want to keep me sane (enough) until next Monday! 😭

lol u know what’s funny? when i was a kid my mom made me watch so many telenovelas that initially the thought of “oh shit, is maddie actually bucks mom?!?” DID actually cross my mind, but i quickly dismissed it like, nah, no way, that’d be WAY TOO much, right??? 

and i don’t have any proof but i have heard a ton of ppl say that maddies actress denied that being the big secret on some Instagram live thing when it was brought up as a possibility

i know everyone is stuck on the theory that buck is adopted but i guess i just can’t see how that would be so bad?? not to mention why would bucks parents adopt him just to be neglectful/distant--it doesn’t really make sense to me. 

i kinda think the whole thing where maybe buck and maddie had a third sibling who died tragically--maybe in an accident baby buck himself was involved in??--and buck was just too young to remember it all and then they just as a family decided to keep it a secret?? that also seems odd but so far its been the more viable of the theories i’ve heard, only bc i think it would explain why the buckley parents are so distant towards their children, bc maybe its too painful being reminded of their loss, so they had to pull away 

WoiwEHEIPVuefndwoiubeotieurn SIX MORE DAYS 

[fereldenshero]

orchid, sage, and edelweiss!

plant themed asks

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect? umm ummm blows up this is a hard question whos answer DEFINITELY will regularly change <3 i think as of Right Now Immediately, my answer would probs be because i liked a boy by sabrina carpenter <3

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is? i think id probably have to say fiction if its like. Emotionally. and paintings if its more a general sense of Being Touched (lol). fiction because it really kinda Accidentally gets into my head and makes me think about things subconsciously while i'm busy thinking about silly fictional guys. and then with paintings like. idk i just rly fricking love a good piece of artwork, ESPECIALLY when its those paintings that have those thick globs of paint that leave a noticeable texture. idk what it is about those paintings but they just tickle my brain

edelweiss ⇢ how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you? heartbreak kinda came off of the url i had on my previous blog (heartachebf) as well being a motif that ive enjoyed for a long time (i had a couple rp blogs a few years ago that Also were heartbreak/heartache themed) and i wanted kind of a callback to that. the buckley comes from, you guessed it, the buckley siblings from 911. im really quite fond of fandom urls that arent Fully fandom (as in adjective + character name) and heartachebuckley didnt feel quite right so. heartbreak it was

[theandrogynousdragon]

I posted 13,815 times in 2021

i spend too much goddamn time on this hellsite

12 posts created (0%)

lmao

13803 posts reblogged (100%)

holy jesus

For every post I created, I reblogged 1150.3 posts.

I added 617 tags in 2021

#0 - 60 posts - idk if this is for untagged posts or what

#skyrim - 171 posts

#lmao - 123 posts

#elder scrolls things - 61 posts

#he's the android sent by cyberlife - 58 posts

#oh no i didn't need my heart or anything it's fine - 46 posts

#lmaooo - 25 posts

#dbh - 25 posts

#pevensie siblings - 24 posts

#evan buckley - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#markus is making that face bc he just saw connor try to eat the glitter while north is doing shots and cheering on con's bad ideas in the bg

i deadass don't remember making that tag lmao

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

3 notes • Posted 2021-06-11 23:32:54 GMT

#4

For the Brotp/Notp thing: Will?

OH HO HO HO, thank you!!

OTP: merwill :D it's the childhood friends to lovers <3

BrOTP: i feel like will and gwaine would get on fantastically (much to the terror of whoever is currently in charge of the braincell lol)

OT3: merlancewill, we stan a supportive choatic feral trio

NOTP: will/arthur, hunith/will bc that's just. awkward.

3 notes • Posted 2021-05-21 16:19:41 GMT

#3

Radiation

i am afraid of heights unfortunately so no skydiving but i might rob a bank lol 

https://theandrogynousdragon.tumblr.com/post/649754207947276288 link for the ask game

3 notes • Posted 2021-04-29 05:35:17 GMT

#2

I don't know these Hank, Connor, and Lukas people you are posting about, but I am very concerned for them. Is it a movie? A video game? Are they okay?

Hiya! They’re characters from the Detroit: Become Human video game! And no they are not okay lol XD everyone needs So Much Therapy 

4 notes • Posted 2021-01-26 02:26:07 GMT

#1

Brown, but like laser tag way.

So you're hunting me for sport? 👁️👁️

6 notes • Posted 2021-03-07 22:25:37 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[wikiangela]

tags pt2

pls interact with this post if you want to be added to the tag list!

@aftertheheartache @buckdefencesquad @fortheloveofbuddie @starrynighttt @nottoolateforthegame @mysticalbuddie118 @kissyboytroye @your-catfish-friend @dangerpronebuddie @rebelangelwings @lilbuddie @exhuastedpigeon @buck348 @sadbibuck @attack-of-the-blue-penguins @casismybestfriend @puppy-buck @pinkpenguin763 @bigsistersyndrome @random-trash-animal @reformedplayerbibuck @emilybahu @disasterstans @between-two-fandoms @ahoodgirl @yjinluv @hummelinski

also tagging some mutuals

@gaydiaz @canonbibuck @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @loserdiaz @diazpatcher @neverevan @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @spotsandsocks @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @tizniz @911-on-abc @aroeddiediaz @prettyboybuckley @hoodie-buck @daffi-990

I always had you

buck & maddie rating: G words: 1k summary: Buck always tried to show his mother love on Mother's Day - however, it was rarely appreciated.

[also on Ao3]

___

The first Mother’s Day Buck remembers, however vaguely, was when he was in first grade. Their teacher had them make cards for their moms, and little Evan was so excited to have something to give his mom. He doesn’t remember what his card looked like, but he remembers feeling so proud and excited about it, and showing it to Maddie when she picked him up from school, so they could take the bus together. He remembers Maddie smiling and complimenting him, and he was so excited. And he remembers giving the card to his mother… he remembers the haunted look in her eyes, tears welling up, the forced smile – he thinks she thanked him, but the memory is blurry. He tried to hug her, but she just got up and walked away. Evan was disappointed, maybe even sad, seeing his mom be sad, wondering what he did that was so upsetting. He always seemed to upset his parents. 

He remembers going to Maddie’s room, crying in her arms as she tried to comfort him – he doesn’t know what she said, it was so long ago, but he does remember the comfort she’s always brought him. 

Now, years later, he’s pretty sure his mom must’ve thrown the card away, knowing that his parents didn’t bother to keep anything from his childhood anyway. He’s just a reminder of a failure and loss.

If there’s one thing to be said about Evan Buckley is that he does not give up. So, even as a kid, he tried so hard to earn his parents’ love, to get their attention – usually by being reckless and hurting himself, he learned pretty early on that it was a foolproof way to get any sort of reaction. That’s why his mom’s reaction, or lack thereof, to that first card didn’t deter him. He was just a kid, he didn’t really get it then – now, reflecting back on it, he sees everything he didn’t then, or maybe tried not to.

So every year for Mother’s Day he brought a card from school. Then, when they stopped making them at school, he kept making them at home. When he was old enough and had some of his own money, he’d buy gifts. Something small, a chocolate, a flower, sometimes he’d get Maddie to pitch in so they could get something together. She always seemed apprehensive but indulged Buck anyway. Now Buck knows she was just trying to protect him, spare him the hurt – because each time their mom barely reacted to a gift, Buck’s heart was breaking a little. And the older he got, the less she tried to pretend to like it, and she never tried very hard in the first place. 

He never got any sort of appreciation or warmth, or… or love. It’s all he ever wanted from his mother, from both his parents, but they were too consumed by grief, as he knows now, too cold, haunted, not even willing to try for their remaining children, for years and years. 

Buck remembers the last time he got his mom a gift and decided he’s never doing that again. It was right before Maddie moved to Boston, he could’ve been around twelve. He made another card, just because he liked doing it, liked putting in the effort – and was met with his mother asking if he’s not too old for doodling. That’s what she called it. He was twelve. He was a twelve year old boy who only wanted love from his mom, some form of affection, a reassurance that he wasn’t a nuisance they just tolerated, like he felt so often. He never got it.

So, with angry tears in his eyes, he stormed out and went to Maddie. He gave her the card, just a simple, childish drawing of flowers and a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’, and she hugged him tight and said she loved it. He learned years later that she still has it now, kept with all the postcards he sent her. Maddie’s always been more of a parent to him anyway – and it’s such a bittersweet thought, because while he appreciates her so much, she shouldn’t’ve had to be. They both needed their parents, and instead were basically left alone. At least they had each other. He always had Maddie.

He didn’t wish Margaret a happy Mother’s Day again for years after that, and no one seemed to care, no one ever mentioned it. Sometimes it felt like she just didn’t want a reminder that she was his mother. It hurt, of course it did, and that, among many other things, left a permanent scar on Evan. He’s been healing, getting better, trying to fix whatever relationship with his parents he might still have, but that is always there, in the back of his mind, in his heart.

When Maddie became a mother – and after she came back, having gotten the help she needed – Buck got her a gift again, just a mug that says ‘best mom in the world’ (a reminder, that despite her struggling and doubting herself, she already raised one kid, and will do an even better job with her own) and a handmade card. He felt silly handing it to her, like a little kid again, but he had been doing arts and crafts with Christopher anyway so he decided to make something for his sister’s first Mother’s Day as a mom. So maybe it was silly and weird, and why would a grown man draw a card for his sister? But Maddie smiled widely and hugged him, and chuckled fondly when he promised he’ll teach his niece to make those, too. He can’t wait to watch her grow up, and to watch his sister be the best mom ever. And on every Mother’s Day from now on, he’ll make sure to celebrate her, the person who actually raised him, and helped mold him into who he is today with her endless kindness and patience and love. 

His mother gets a text now, since they’re trying to fix things, and Buck never quits. But Maddie gets taken out to lunch, and gets gifts, and is celebrated by all the people she loves. Because she deserves it, and so much more.

___

[also on Ao3]

[wikiangela]

tags pt3

tagging some people who might be interested idk (if you dont wanna be tagged lmk)

@bucksbirthmark @namjroon @belovedbuddie @nilshki @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @sunflowerdiaiz @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @cagdahl @bucks118 @pirate-hunter @smilingbuckley @ebdaydreamer

@bisexualdisasterbuckley @swagmaster9k @totallynormalnotreally @crownofstardustandbone @walkinginland @gyraethere @runicnotation @all-da-show @b99tgplhtgawmf1sh @trustme-imnormal @not-leigh @cosmicbeastie @clandestine-j @alexguerinss @crankypotionsmaster @flameskywolf @fyeahsmokinhot @kinard-buckley @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove

@keenonkinkley @karrieharrie @antiherobuckley @kinardbuckleys @fantasylover145 @aar-journey @legoshurtmyfeet @goldenhxurs @mattdoestevan @whollyjoly @sporadicmakerwerewolf @kinardbuckley @morvolo @scrollofstarshine @ratman83 @ohlookitsthearkhamknight @buddystommy @bucked-it-up

I always had you

buck & maddie rating: G words: 1k summary: Buck always tried to show his mother love on Mother's Day - however, it was rarely appreciated.

[also on Ao3]

___

The first Mother’s Day Buck remembers, however vaguely, was when he was in first grade. Their teacher had them make cards for their moms, and little Evan was so excited to have something to give his mom. He doesn’t remember what his card looked like, but he remembers feeling so proud and excited about it, and showing it to Maddie when she picked him up from school, so they could take the bus together. He remembers Maddie smiling and complimenting him, and he was so excited. And he remembers giving the card to his mother… he remembers the haunted look in her eyes, tears welling up, the forced smile – he thinks she thanked him, but the memory is blurry. He tried to hug her, but she just got up and walked away. Evan was disappointed, maybe even sad, seeing his mom be sad, wondering what he did that was so upsetting. He always seemed to upset his parents. 

He remembers going to Maddie’s room, crying in her arms as she tried to comfort him – he doesn’t know what she said, it was so long ago, but he does remember the comfort she’s always brought him. 

Now, years later, he’s pretty sure his mom must’ve thrown the card away, knowing that his parents didn’t bother to keep anything from his childhood anyway. He’s just a reminder of a failure and loss.

If there’s one thing to be said about Evan Buckley is that he does not give up. So, even as a kid, he tried so hard to earn his parents’ love, to get their attention – usually by being reckless and hurting himself, he learned pretty early on that it was a foolproof way to get any sort of reaction. That’s why his mom’s reaction, or lack thereof, to that first card didn’t deter him. He was just a kid, he didn’t really get it then – now, reflecting back on it, he sees everything he didn’t then, or maybe tried not to.

So every year for Mother’s Day he brought a card from school. Then, when they stopped making them at school, he kept making them at home. When he was old enough and had some of his own money, he’d buy gifts. Something small, a chocolate, a flower, sometimes he’d get Maddie to pitch in so they could get something together. She always seemed apprehensive but indulged Buck anyway. Now Buck knows she was just trying to protect him, spare him the hurt – because each time their mom barely reacted to a gift, Buck’s heart was breaking a little. And the older he got, the less she tried to pretend to like it, and she never tried very hard in the first place. 

He never got any sort of appreciation or warmth, or… or love. It’s all he ever wanted from his mother, from both his parents, but they were too consumed by grief, as he knows now, too cold, haunted, not even willing to try for their remaining children, for years and years. 

Buck remembers the last time he got his mom a gift and decided he’s never doing that again. It was right before Maddie moved to Boston, he could’ve been around twelve. He made another card, just because he liked doing it, liked putting in the effort – and was met with his mother asking if he’s not too old for doodling. That’s what she called it. He was twelve. He was a twelve year old boy who only wanted love from his mom, some form of affection, a reassurance that he wasn’t a nuisance they just tolerated, like he felt so often. He never got it.

So, with angry tears in his eyes, he stormed out and went to Maddie. He gave her the card, just a simple, childish drawing of flowers and a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’, and she hugged him tight and said she loved it. He learned years later that she still has it now, kept with all the postcards he sent her. Maddie’s always been more of a parent to him anyway – and it’s such a bittersweet thought, because while he appreciates her so much, she shouldn’t’ve had to be. They both needed their parents, and instead were basically left alone. At least they had each other. He always had Maddie.

He didn’t wish Margaret a happy Mother’s Day again for years after that, and no one seemed to care, no one ever mentioned it. Sometimes it felt like she just didn’t want a reminder that she was his mother. It hurt, of course it did, and that, among many other things, left a permanent scar on Evan. He’s been healing, getting better, trying to fix whatever relationship with his parents he might still have, but that is always there, in the back of his mind, in his heart.

When Maddie became a mother – and after she came back, having gotten the help she needed – Buck got her a gift again, just a mug that says ‘best mom in the world’ (a reminder, that despite her struggling and doubting herself, she already raised one kid, and will do an even better job with her own) and a handmade card. He felt silly handing it to her, like a little kid again, but he had been doing arts and crafts with Christopher anyway so he decided to make something for his sister’s first Mother’s Day as a mom. So maybe it was silly and weird, and why would a grown man draw a card for his sister? But Maddie smiled widely and hugged him, and chuckled fondly when he promised he’ll teach his niece to make those, too. He can’t wait to watch her grow up, and to watch his sister be the best mom ever. And on every Mother’s Day from now on, he’ll make sure to celebrate her, the person who actually raised him, and helped mold him into who he is today with her endless kindness and patience and love. 

His mother gets a text now, since they’re trying to fix things, and Buck never quits. But Maddie gets taken out to lunch, and gets gifts, and is celebrated by all the people she loves. Because she deserves it, and so much more.

___

[also on Ao3]

[wikiangela]

tags pt1

pls interact with this post if you want to be added to the tag list!

@monsterrae1 @cm1031sr @teayourtea @thebravebitch @sunshinediaz @foxandstars @watchyourbuck @liabegins @goldencherrymooon @devirnis @jesuisici33 @thewolvesof1998 @princehattric @steadfastsaturnsrings @giddyupbuck @mattsire @theotherbuckley @hobbitnarwhal @greenfairrryy @buddieswhvre @cal-daisies-and-briars @weewootruck @hippolotamus @honestlystephanie @kaseysgirl86-blog @julielakewrites @underwaterninja13 @loveyouanyway @evanbegins @mulderfiles @honestlydarkprincess @buckleyobsessed @diazsdimples @pirrusstuff @chimchiminie98 @ladydorian05 @darkrose6578 @nyxxnoxx @bidisasterevankinard @laundryandtaxesworld @selfdestructive-selfobserver @ilikethe-internet @simpingforhotfictionalcharacters

I always had you

buck & maddie rating: G words: 1k summary: Buck always tried to show his mother love on Mother's Day - however, it was rarely appreciated.

[also on Ao3]

___

The first Mother’s Day Buck remembers, however vaguely, was when he was in first grade. Their teacher had them make cards for their moms, and little Evan was so excited to have something to give his mom. He doesn’t remember what his card looked like, but he remembers feeling so proud and excited about it, and showing it to Maddie when she picked him up from school, so they could take the bus together. He remembers Maddie smiling and complimenting him, and he was so excited. And he remembers giving the card to his mother… he remembers the haunted look in her eyes, tears welling up, the forced smile – he thinks she thanked him, but the memory is blurry. He tried to hug her, but she just got up and walked away. Evan was disappointed, maybe even sad, seeing his mom be sad, wondering what he did that was so upsetting. He always seemed to upset his parents. 

He remembers going to Maddie’s room, crying in her arms as she tried to comfort him – he doesn’t know what she said, it was so long ago, but he does remember the comfort she’s always brought him. 

Now, years later, he’s pretty sure his mom must’ve thrown the card away, knowing that his parents didn’t bother to keep anything from his childhood anyway. He’s just a reminder of a failure and loss.

If there’s one thing to be said about Evan Buckley is that he does not give up. So, even as a kid, he tried so hard to earn his parents’ love, to get their attention – usually by being reckless and hurting himself, he learned pretty early on that it was a foolproof way to get any sort of reaction. That’s why his mom’s reaction, or lack thereof, to that first card didn’t deter him. He was just a kid, he didn’t really get it then – now, reflecting back on it, he sees everything he didn’t then, or maybe tried not to.

So every year for Mother’s Day he brought a card from school. Then, when they stopped making them at school, he kept making them at home. When he was old enough and had some of his own money, he’d buy gifts. Something small, a chocolate, a flower, sometimes he’d get Maddie to pitch in so they could get something together. She always seemed apprehensive but indulged Buck anyway. Now Buck knows she was just trying to protect him, spare him the hurt – because each time their mom barely reacted to a gift, Buck’s heart was breaking a little. And the older he got, the less she tried to pretend to like it, and she never tried very hard in the first place. 

He never got any sort of appreciation or warmth, or… or love. It’s all he ever wanted from his mother, from both his parents, but they were too consumed by grief, as he knows now, too cold, haunted, not even willing to try for their remaining children, for years and years. 

Buck remembers the last time he got his mom a gift and decided he’s never doing that again. It was right before Maddie moved to Boston, he could’ve been around twelve. He made another card, just because he liked doing it, liked putting in the effort – and was met with his mother asking if he’s not too old for doodling. That’s what she called it. He was twelve. He was a twelve year old boy who only wanted love from his mom, some form of affection, a reassurance that he wasn’t a nuisance they just tolerated, like he felt so often. He never got it.

So, with angry tears in his eyes, he stormed out and went to Maddie. He gave her the card, just a simple, childish drawing of flowers and a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’, and she hugged him tight and said she loved it. He learned years later that she still has it now, kept with all the postcards he sent her. Maddie’s always been more of a parent to him anyway – and it’s such a bittersweet thought, because while he appreciates her so much, she shouldn’t’ve had to be. They both needed their parents, and instead were basically left alone. At least they had each other. He always had Maddie.

He didn’t wish Margaret a happy Mother’s Day again for years after that, and no one seemed to care, no one ever mentioned it. Sometimes it felt like she just didn’t want a reminder that she was his mother. It hurt, of course it did, and that, among many other things, left a permanent scar on Evan. He’s been healing, getting better, trying to fix whatever relationship with his parents he might still have, but that is always there, in the back of his mind, in his heart.

When Maddie became a mother – and after she came back, having gotten the help she needed – Buck got her a gift again, just a mug that says ‘best mom in the world’ (a reminder, that despite her struggling and doubting herself, she already raised one kid, and will do an even better job with her own) and a handmade card. He felt silly handing it to her, like a little kid again, but he had been doing arts and crafts with Christopher anyway so he decided to make something for his sister’s first Mother’s Day as a mom. So maybe it was silly and weird, and why would a grown man draw a card for his sister? But Maddie smiled widely and hugged him, and chuckled fondly when he promised he’ll teach his niece to make those, too. He can’t wait to watch her grow up, and to watch his sister be the best mom ever. And on every Mother’s Day from now on, he’ll make sure to celebrate her, the person who actually raised him, and helped mold him into who he is today with her endless kindness and patience and love. 

His mother gets a text now, since they’re trying to fix things, and Buck never quits. But Maddie gets taken out to lunch, and gets gifts, and is celebrated by all the people she loves. Because she deserves it, and so much more.

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[also on Ao3]