theandrogynousdragon

[theandrogynousdragon]

kids these days don’t know what it’s like to get fine dwarven crafts direct from orzammar

[theandrogynousdragon]

[theandrogynousdragon]

I think we as a society tend to forget that the movie "Freaky Friday" starring Jamie Lee Curtis and Mark Harmon hinges entirely on the narrative's assertion that Chinese people have magic powers

[theandrogynousdragon]

i want to do a painting of a tiger taking a bath to put in a bathroom (bathroom-themed bathroom) and to this end i made a little maquette out of clay and i suspect this will scope creep into having both a painting and sculpture of a tiger or perhaps only a sculpture of a tiger. if i do both should they be displayed together or separately

[theandrogynousdragon]

My fucking cat has figured out how to gently dig his claws into my eyelid and pull my eyes open while I'm sleeping. He does this. It does not hurt. He is remarkably precise and gentle. I however am asleep when it happens and do not appreciate being clockwork oranged by a needy clingy goddamn animal who thinks he needs attention.

[theandrogynousdragon]

imagine: you are chilling in front you your house getting high. along comes an old family friend who you last saw when you were six, you are now in your 50s. after a brief convo where he is kind of a dick to you, he’s like damn you’ve changed :/. and your like yeah bestie it’s been five decades why the fuck are you here. he leaves. later that night a shit ton of people show up and trash your house. just throw and absolute rager. halfway through the family friend from earlier shows up. he announces in full earshot of everyone that he wants you to come with him to rob a bank. you of course say wtf??? one of the people who broke into your house calls you a pussy. another person shoves you a contract which declares if you get shot robbing the bank they will not pay for your funeral. you pass out. when you wake up you find the contract on your table and your house almost completely back to normal. you stare at the contract for a moment and decide, fuck it this is just as a good a midlife crisis than anything.

this is what happened to bilbo baggins

[theandrogynousdragon]

when people put "trigger warning" on their content without specifying what the trigger warning is for

[theandrogynousdragon]

[theandrogynousdragon]

Git along little zombies, put a shamble on. Yeehaw.

[theandrogynousdragon]

[theandrogynousdragon]

guy who has a hard time keeping up with the trends and interests of his peers: oh man im really out of the loop lol

guy who's stuck in a time loop: HOW DID YOU DO IT

[theandrogynousdragon]

[theandrogynousdragon]

[theandrogynousdragon]

everytime i see amaury the chocolate smith I'm consumed thinking about how funny it would be for him to make a really bad chocolate house out of hershey bars like a kid would make, but all the video production values are the same and he's still got that winning smile

[theandrogynousdragon]

[theandrogynousdragon]

Cozy farming sim but with realistic crop growth times. Just. Just fucking ruin everyone's day with the endless patience required.

[theandrogynousdragon]

another underappreciated tumblr feature that you dont get on other sites is the queue. i love it when something i thought was funny six months ago and then forgot about a week later crawlts its way out of the processing vortex and i get to see it all over again.