theandrogynousdragon

[theandrogynousdragon]

slightly different parenting techniques

(commission info // kofi)

[theandrogynousdragon]

Thinking about how awkward it must've been for Corvo to take his post back after the Regency and regain authority over the guards who, collectively, very much tried to murderstabshootkill him like a week prior

[theandrogynousdragon]

sorry corvo try again next decade

(commission info // tip jar!)

[theandrogynousdragon]

some doodles from the past few days

[theandrogynousdragon]

One time my mom took me to a hibachi grill with a bunch of her friends and if you've never been to a hibachi grill basically the draw is that theres a bunch of interactive performance stuff done by the cook who cooks for you at your table, and one of the tricks they did at this one was take a squeeze bottle full of liquor and shoot it into your mouth across the table (with permission)

And now at our table my mom explained this because it was my first time going, and she wanted to make sure to warn me it was liquor because she knows I don't drink- she just said "if he offers to shoot at your mouth, say no because it's alcohol".

And so the chef does his thing and it's all very impressive, but the time does come where he pulls out this squeeze bottle of booze and asks me if I wanna try

I of course say no, because I really don't do alcohol, so he moves on to someone else

And I watch, and slowly come to understand that this is some sort of game, because once someone is drinking from the continuous flow the chef starts counting "ONE! TWO! THREE!"

I realize that we're trying to see who can keep drinking the liquor from three feet away without choking or spilling, and its a bummer cause i kinda wanna try and I CAN'T

But he goes around the table with everyone there, and I think my mom makes it to three, one friend makes it to five, I think my brother got to three as well, and he comes back to me

And I'm REALLY bummed out now but I will not drink alcohol, so I sort of sadly repeat that I can't when he pulls out a SECOND BOTTLE and grins and goes "juice?"

And Im like FUCK YEAH LET'S GO and I'm a bit worried he's gonna spray it into my eye or something but he doesn't, it hits me right at the back of the throat, and I start drinking while the whole fucking table counts "ONE! TWO! THREE!"

And like

It just sorta

Kept going?

And Im looking at the chef and he starts freaking out by the time we get to six, and at around seven I kinda start looking around and my auntie is staring back in shock, my brother is laughing his ass off and my mom has her face in her hands

And then at like nine or ten it gets like. Super tense and quiet, and only the chef is still counting

And I guess it got too much for even him cause we're at eleven and I don't believe in quitting early and it is almost painful how awkward it's getting

So he cuts me off at twelve and raises his hands in the air and everyone else cheers and claps like a dumb movie

and I just sit back in my seat to look back at my mother staring at me surrounded by everyone she knows, bright fucking red in the face and choking with honest to god tears in her eyes and she puts her face back in her palms and starts chanting "I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know"

So I give her the biggest, proudest grin and tell her, "I won."

So now every time something suggestive happens in a movie, or in conversation, or something shocking happens around us and she goes to jokingly cover my ears, I just ask her, "Remember when I won?" And she goes face-down and groans, because I know EXACTLY how she thinks I trained to develop that particular skill and she HATES knowing that about me

The truth is though, I'm a whole ass 28 year old virgin. I've never so much as kissed anyone in my life. I had no idea I could do that trick until that exact moment

But she doesn't know that, and I'm never gonna tell her

[theandrogynousdragon]

the women in my bluetooth headphones sounds mad at me :(

[theandrogynousdragon]

Instead of "live laugh love" or "home is where the heart is" my (wonderful, progressive, very accepting) dad put up the racism sign in the foyer

[theandrogynousdragon]

I have discovered the truth about chainmail bikinis, and it is imperative those wearing such armor do not think about it too hard or they may inadvertently cross the line between Sexy Hero and Homicidal Pervert.

[theandrogynousdragon]

HOLD THE LINE!! KEEP PUSHING!!!!!

[theandrogynousdragon]

Hey how come the truck automatically locks when it explodes and bursts into flames

[theandrogynousdragon]

you ever be watching The Godfather and you’re like WOW that kitty is so happy and such a good actor i wonder if it was someone’s cat on set or what…

sobbing. shitting. puking

[theandrogynousdragon]

[theandrogynousdragon]

happy AC day everyone <3 make sure to leave cookies and alcohol out for desmond (who is alive)

(commission info // tip jar!)

[theandrogynousdragon]

Rewatching Psych and getting to a scene where the coroner mentions someone having amyl nitrite in their system and Gus being like, ‘Oh, Poppers? The drug used at the start of a long shift at work?’ and I’m. I’m just.

That’s not generally what they’re used for, Gus. Why do you, a pharma sales man, refer to them by their street name, Gus? What have you been up to, Gus?

[theandrogynousdragon]

A short comic I’ve done for @ibenkrutt

[theandrogynousdragon]