#idk what i’m even trying to say here im just feeling very down rn and thinking about my own feelings etc

[girlsdads]

being depressed but not suicidal is a very strange thing to reckon with for me personally

[starb3rrys]

Hiii I'm kinda new to Tumblr so idk how stuff really works here😭 but anyway are your requests open? If so, then I'd like to make a req but if not just ignore this!!

Umm so basically an nsfw oneshot(idk what you call it) or headcanons of how bsd men would react/deal the situation when you two are hiding in a very tight space and your crotches accidentally rub together? RHRHHT it's kinda weird describing it but let's just say [character] pushed you along with him into a locker/box with you sitting on top of his lap OR with you too close ttp that you two could feel each other with every inch you move

Uhhh and yeah that's it and feel free to add some touches and changes on the scenario, and I'd greatly appreciate it if maybe you add Nikolai in it😁🙏AND AGAIN IF U DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING MY REQ OR ISN'T ACCEPTING REQS RN THEN FEEL FREE TO IGNORE I HONESTLY DON'T MIND!!/lh /srs

OMG YES?! Ugh, I love this request! I wanted to add some more characters as well, So I picked the DOA (sorry) ＼(٥⁀▽⁀ )／

If y’all want a part 2 with different characters just let me know, Im at your service! <3

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

A Tight Fit~

Ft. Nikolai, Sigma, Fyodor

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

Nikolai

Scenario: You were out on a mission with Nikolai, it should’ve been an easy “break in and grab important documents” type mission. But now, you two were squeezed together in a small closet, fearing that any small movement would get you two caught.

“Stay quiet...” Nikolai said as he listened closely, his face looked concentrated and serious, a change from his usual happy and calm face

You quietly nod, as you press against the wall behind you to try and get some more space in between you two

The closet is pretty small, hence why nikolai is leaning down, his hands are pressed firmly on each side of your head, inevitably pinning you in place

Nikolai thinks of a way for both of you to escape this situation without being spotted, “maybe I can teleport something”, he thought to himself

He reaches for his cape, unintentionally pressing against you

Your eyes widen as you feel something press against your area, you slowly look up to see if Nikolai noticed

His cheeks are flushed, hes frozen in place and there is an obvious smirk forming on his face

Yeah he definitely noticed.

You start to speak “Niko-… you’re so clo-“, he cuts you off as he places his hand over your lips

“Shh...” He says as he places a finger against his own lips with a small smirk

Moments later you hear the door of the office close, you two are now alone

“They’re gone now...” Nikolai says in a quiet gentle tone, he turns to you “But, i mean…we could just stay in here~” he says with a mischievous grin

Even after you two get out of that closet, he would keep on teasing and reminding you of the “incident”, he will make sure you never forget!~

Sigma

Scenario: You really don’t know how you got in this situation, one second you and Sigma were walking the streets of the city at night, after your wonderful date. The next, you were hiding in a small dark alley, your body pressed tightly against sigmas as you both hid from a certain jester.

“Damn it.” Sigma cursed under his breath as he kept his guard up, looking around frantically with a worried yet annoyed look

You looked up at Sigma, “Why are we hiding?” You whispered

Sigma looked down at you as he let out a sigh “I saw Nikolai roaming the streets, We can’t be seen together by anyone in the decay, if they were to find out about us...I’m sure horrible consequences would follow” he explained

You nod in agreement, “I understand..but um, why did we have to hide in such a...tight space.” You say as you look away, you can feel his body pressed tightly against yours, you can feel his every breath, his every shuffle and every slight movement

Sigma realizes this and blushes as his eyes widen, “I’m sorry, I didn’t even notice our position in the heat of the moment”

As he says this, you hear a slight noise come from the alley which causes you to slightly jump in a fright

Sigma let’s out a small grunt as he feels your crotch roughly brush against his, he grips your shoulders and holds you in place “Love please…try and stay still…at least for now” he pleads as his face flushes

Your eyes widen as you feel something slightly poke you “Sigm-“ you’re cut off as his hand covers your mouth, “Keep quiet..” he whispers as you hear footsteps around the corner

You feel him press more onto you, trying to hide your body from view as he lays his head against you shoulder, next to your ear

You slightly shuffle which causes sigma to groan in response, he quickly grips your hips with slight force

“Keep still..” he says in a low tone

Once you two finally get out of the alley way…let’s just say- his head was full of scenarios that caused him to blush profusely, as he practically dragged you to your apartment…

Fyodor

Scenario: Work has been so busy lately, new mission reports coming in everyday. Piles of finished and unfinished documents decorate your desk. All of this caused you to become stressed and overwhelmed, which caused you to become clumsy. So clumsy that you didn’t even seem to notice Fyodor turning the corner, not until it was too late.

**THUD**, is all that can be heard as your bodies crash together and fall to the floor

You feel extreme pain on your head as you let out a small groan of pain

You soothe your head and begin to slowly open your eyes, you try and comprehend what just happened as you hear a soft pained groan come from under you

You slowly begin to look down, your face flushes when you and Fyodor’s eyes meet

His eyes show slight shock as they quickly return to their neutral state, he just stares up at you…not uttering a word

You take a minute to process what is currently happening…and thats when you feel it, you feel something pressing against your area

You quickly get off Fyodor as you begin to apologize, “I’m so sorry! I should’ve been paying more attention!”, you ramble on apologies as you quickly stand up

He lets out a small chuckle as he stands up and brushes himself off , “No worries, more importantly…are you alright?” He asks with a bit of concern present in his tone

You nod as your face grows red, you begin to remember what you felt under you as you pray to god he didn’t notice

But, its like he can read you like a book, he smirks as he reaches for your chin, making you look at him “Yes,…I did notice and feel it” he says with a sly tone

You freeze in place as he says this, he then pulls away and softly smiles “Just be more careful and aware in the future, alright?”

He narrows his eyes as his tone changes to a more stern one, “Next time I won’t be so forgiving…~” he says as he begins to walk off

You’re left standing there shocked and frozen in place

He definitely enjoyed it, especially your cute reaction when you thought he didn’t notice. But for your sake he won’t bring it up, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t think about it constantly…~

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

Hi Hi! Sorry for the delay, work has been getting in the way but no worries im clearing out my requests!

I changed the scenario up a bit for Fyodor! (Sorry)

I appreciate everyone sending in requests! Love yall! <3

[mueritos]

Hi Matteo,

I just wanted to say that I really appreciated the most recent comic you posted. It feels like it came at the perfect time for me lol. I’m in a bit of a transitional stage right now(in many ways) and I’ve basically gotten used to feeling like I’m disconnected and free floating. I know it won’t always be like that but it’s been rough. I have a friend who’s also a trans guy, though he transitioned several years before me and is now stealth, and though I cherish his friendship and appreciate his support, I sometimes find it hard to relate to his experience as a white guy with supportive parents. To some extent, my queerness has always felt very separate to my identity as a child of Mexican immigrants. I recently got the chance to visit family in Mexico and despite loving the experience, I was just so uncomfortable the entire time having to present as a girl. I’ve been trying to build up the courage to tell my parents that I’m starting T and it’s made me feel sort of alone because it’s a choice that I’ll have to defend myself. Idk, this comic just reminded me that there are other people who have gotten through these situations just fine and it was cool to see. I’m sorry for the long ramblings, I had a point initially but I kind of lost track of it. I mainly just wanted to thank you for what you do, it’s really nice to know that there are people out there like you.

hey friend! its not easy being us, but im proud of you for hanging in there. I personally haven't been to Mexico since I was 9 because I fear having to present as a girl, though I feel that no one down there would ever remember who I am enough to know I was born as one. I feel you on having white trans friends. I have one who I am very close to, but its hard to relate. His parents are so accepting in ways that mine aren't, and my parents do love and accept me! But that sort of acceptance in a Mexican family isn't mainstream. I had to accept that I was disappointing and hurting my parents GREATLY by choosing myself, all while knowing they still loved me.

It's weird. Even when your parents/family do come around, it's not 100%, but it's not like they dislike you. If anything, I have such a great relationship with my mom rn. We talk for hours about things I never would have thought we could ever talk about. My dad calls me as Matt often, but he still calls me by my old nickname when he's giving me kisses on the forehead.

Choosing yourself is not something we're supposed to be doing as children of immigrants. Every choice we make has to be for the betterment of the family. You might be the only one in your corner for a while, but the fight is worth it. Build community outside of your family where your presence isn't questioned. You're going to need it. Plan for the worst, and plan for the best.

Trans latines are out there. We are here! Many of us are thriving despite the horrors haha. Hang in there friend :]

[tojiscrack]

hey sumaya!! i just wanna say i LOVE the way you write!! im a huge fan of liar liar!! i might sound insane but i've waited patiently for every chapter, ever since the very first one. y/n fics are something im not very much into but you've got me HOOKED. i'm also usually very picky about what i read and you cater to my tastes perfectly!! (i wanna be you when i grow up)

i just wanted to wish you luck. i am currently a senior in highschool, and i'm pretty much going through EXACTLY what you're going through, just in another country. i also have to turn my super mediocre grades into 97% or above and this marksheet determines my entire future 😭😭 so yeah, i know a thing or two about stressing tf out. i'm writing this to let you know that there's other people experiencing what you are - that you're not alone. i'm not gonna tell you that its gonna be fine and to not stress out too much because that's inevitable. it WILL get stressful and you WILL feel burnt out. and it will make you wonder multiple times over the course of the next few months whether its even worth it or not. that's just the way it is because the education system sucks pretty much everywhere 👍 if you ever feel down in the dumps just remember that there's people out here on the internet rooting for you regardless!! we're here for you when it feels too overwhelming and you have very little faith in pretty much everything.

also, please please please take a breather after your exams. its important that you have a little time off. spend some time with friends/family/yourself/nature/music/books/craft (idk what you do to chill so...anyways). even during the next few months, try to cut back on the burn out-y feeling. i'd tell you how if i'd figured it out myself 🥲 but srsly tho, good luck!! see you later this year!!

ps: this will sound stupid but english is my third language but basically one time you used a word i didn't know so i googled it and then somehow ?? i used it in my english exam on a huge question and my teacher complimented my vocabulary 😭 also i scored the the highest (95) in thaty grade somehow (sideplot my friend told her i read fanfiction 2 years ago im still embarassed about it but i covered it up by reading a bunch of books in front of her)

tl;dr: good luck. you'll crush it. we believe in you. 🫶

hi hello hiii 🥹

firstly, you don’t sound insane at all. there are plenty of silent readers out there that i can’t actually acknowledge, but i’m well aware of their existence purely ‘cause of the fact that no story can be published without readers that don’t interact 😋 and that’s perfectly fine 😭

i dipped under the covers of my bed at that. wdym you don’t read y/n stories and yet little old me managed to keep you waiting months for new chapters? 🤭 my ego rn 📈📈📈

‘i wanna be you when i grow up’ — KASJKWJS I’M ONLY 18, DON’T MAKE ME FEEL OLD 😭

‘i’m a senior in high school’ — ahhh, so we’re the same age. you made it sound like you’re one of the very few teen readers i have on here 😫

your advice means the world to me (and more) like i’m levitating off my seat and if i keep reading, i’ll fly through the roof 😭💓 honestly, the harsh truth you’ve given me is exactly that — extremely harsh — but it’s helpful, and i love that about ur message the most <3

as for the whole taking a ‘breather’ after my exams…

i feel like there’s this idea that writing is a chore to authors, but i’d like to speak for myself and say that for me, at least, writing is the breather 😭 like yeah, it can get tedious sometimes, especially when i’m drafting and re-drafting scenes, and writing for hours on end, but it’s a hobby and when i do it every now and then, i genuinely enjoy it 😫

you have no idea the amount of times i’ve had to physically smack myself from reaching out to my laptop so i can write up the next chapter of LL

finally, your english is so good wdym??? like i literally couldn’t even tell that it’s not ur first language, it’s so good 😭 plus it’s such a flex too, to know multiple languages. i’m only bilingual (gonna try and be trilingual at some point, hopefully!) so well done, that’s smth to be proud of! <3

STOP I’M GONNA FLY OUT OF MY ROOM, WDYM MY STORY HELPED YOU OUT? 😭 that’s such an ego boost for me i can’t evennnn 😫💓 ty for letting me know, my confidence just soared

[timeregistry]

omg dude i love ur sebastian!!!

and if u want, i’ll tag u when i post my painter design

i’d also like to hear more of ur ramblings about pressure or anything of the sort :3

have a good day!!!

TYSM!!! I'm glad people like him 🥹He's been my everything since I got into Pressure, let's just say that the AU of my fic had lived in my brain since forever before I started writing LOL

OH and also I would ADORE to see your Painter design PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏 I LOVE PAINTER SM I LOVE ALL PAINTER DESIGNS

ALSO sorry for answering this so late I got injured (again...) and it was hard to write but also I’m INSANE like IM CRAZY you literally put on a silver platter that I can talk about ANYTHING like DUDE. IM CRAZY. I jump around fandoms a lot so to say that I have a lot on my mind apart from work is an understatement (let's just say earlier I went crazy about regretevator...... it's bad)

SO to organize my thoughts, I've been really wanting to actually talk about like... some thought process stuff of my fic (A Human's Touch) and things that happen before the fic... since SO MUCH happened but I don't mention it because we are put at a specific moment in the story... VERY VERY Sebastian and reader focused so TW: Sebastian Solace 😔

Under cut because its LONG. LIKE. REALLY LONG. I HAVE TOO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT LMAOOOO

SO pressure's lore is a MESS don't get me started on how I feel about the current lore so I decided that since no one really saw the timeline or pretends it doesn't exist as they should, I feel it's a bit unlikely Sebastian would be able to convince Painter to start killing people after meeting it TWENTY MINUTES PRIOR T_T (and hacking all of Urbanshade network in that time?!) so that's why I actually made (in chapter 7 that is not on tumblr rn LOL) them meet. I mentioned in a comment on AO3 since someone had asked smth about Sebastian and just to give an idea, the start of A Human's Touch happens a couple of months before the events of Pressure. SO at that point, Sebastian and Painter have known each other for months. I would LOVE to go into detail how I see their relationship is when the lockdown happens + what happens with reader but I DONT WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING T_T so maybe when I finish the fic I'll go into detail as I'm not actually really planning on writing the actual like.... events of pressure w/ reader instead I guess, idk how to put it, just to let you in a little secret, Painter does know part of Sebastian's plan when the lockdown happens in this universe.

So enough about Pressure lore and what I changed from that, I wanted to talk a bit about before the events of the fic... I didn't write it since I felt it would be very Sebastian and reader centric and since it was most likely going to be in a platonic sense I wasn't sure if people would be interested! To admit something since I don't imagine many people will read this but originally I had written a fic that was with Sebastian (it was more romance with him tho as I was down HORRENDOUS I wrote so much Sebastian y’all have no idea I got jumpscared trying to find some of my old things to reference and seeing the sheer amount of Sebastian) which was actually where the original summary of A Human's Touch came from HELPPPP LIKE ORIGINALLY IT WAS A PARAGRAPH OF MY FIC I JUST EDITED IT T_T I never post what I write I'm surprised that I even posted A Human's Touch but I digress. Anyways I had originally considered writing a platonic version of that fic (not like that one was finished) but in the end I never did since again, I didn't think anyone would read it--

Either way, here is a TLDR of how reader and Sebastian met. Basically reader came in as an intern to Urbanshade right? How I imagined it was that they actually had seen Sebastian when he was still in his big ol heavy containment aquarium. While I think he still needs to go there when Urbanshade wants to contain him, I imagine reader met him when he was MOSTLY in there... While he could leave as his status as an MR-P made it so that now he could leave and free-roam, I imagined that he never really saw a reason to do so... I think atp Urbanshade hadn't really found a good reason for him either, as he was soo unpredictable because of how aggressive he was with them. SO they just leave him in his cell basically, its good to see if there were any longer terms effects of his… condition. He would normally just look into the window and look at any of the scientists.

Now how I imagined his heavy containment cell was that like, an aquarium. Like there is this big window where you can see him but I imagine that he had this like area at the surface of his cell that there is like a walking area but it was specifically because not only is he an MR-P so its like a little better than his old cell but also because he was exactly for an experiment that was to make humans be able to breathe over and underwater so I like to think they want him to take in oxygen naturally anyways–

MS Paint jumpscare but something like this

ANYWAYS I imagine reader had seen him from the window that you can peak in from just him swimming around and being completely fascinated by him. Stuff happens, and they decide to try to see him without their superiors knowing so... I decided I would pull directly from one of my old fics:

You first met Sebastian fully at night, when most scientists were already resting in their own quarters. You were already shown where you would stay, yet you couldn’t get the image of Sebastian out of your mind. You wanted to meet him directly. He was the first of the subjects that you met, against all safety protocols and you remember he himself mentioning it. He was rude and in all ways, a certified asshole, immediately tricking you by making you walk a bit too close and effectively making you fall in his tank. He didn’t keep you there however, you knew he didn’t like your presence but you couldn’t resist wanting to learn more about him.

How I imagine reader's and Sebastian's relationship was just, a really rocky start because we have reader who wanted to know more about him and then we have Sebastian who didn't want to know anything about reader because they are just another scientist. He never left his containment either because I imagine that the other prisoners would give him funny looks and dislike his presence because of how he was. I think... he was very bitter. It took a lot for him to warm up as he did… Especially with someone who was one of the scientists! 

“You really don’t know do you?” Sebastian snarled slightly, his casual facade crumbling briefly as his expression went more of pity. “Of course you don’t, you keep coming in here as if I can’t kill you right here and now.” You frowned at him. “I’m here to learn-” “You are trapped. They have you right where they want you. The moment that you have served your purpose they will kill you.” He put a claw near you, his other hand flaunting his sharp nails. You took a step back, sensing danger unconsciously. He noticed, his trained eyes on you like a predator. “Word of advice, start making yourself useful and leave me alone.”

I always saw that reader was treading on treacherous waters... always seeing Sebastian secretly at night and after talking with him, he would eventually warm up because whether he liked it or not, I think he was lonely. Because he would live without speaking with anyone and talking to someone who's a lot more genuine... I don't think the reader is like the other scientists at all, I don't think that it would even be known what Urbanshade was doing! I think Urbanshade just flaunts a lot and doesn't hide anything, but makes any new interns or hires go through the longest paperwork part of their work EVER to see if they are dedicated before kinda forcing the unethical experiments... basically like roping in with mundanity and beauty, the curiousity on how these beautiful sea creatures are made only to find out that it was all done with torture--

SO my point is that reader didn't know what happened to Sebastian, nor knew why he was so standoffish, they were forced to do ONLY paperwork and their free time went into seeing the subject that they can see very very easily. It was like... just the curiousity of what Sebastian was, what he was capable of, etc etc. I don't think reader even knew that he was... human. And he doesn't mention it either... I think he only mentions it soooo much later... As for Sebastian’s side of things, I imagine he decided to entertain the reader only because atp he’s thinking he can probably use their naivety for his escape!

ANYWAYS to skip ahead because I have JUST SEEN THE SHEER LENGTH OF THIS IM SOOOO SORRY I LOVE LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY CREATIONS IDK lore dump moment

So at one point, Urbanshade notices that reader is interacting with Sebastian, however, instead of like, stopping them, I imagine that Urbanshade instead saw an opportunity. Sebastian doesn’t talk to ANYONE so suddenly finding out that he’s talking to someone??? 

It was only much later that he actually warmed up to your presence, choosing to follow you around when you were stuck doing your boring paperwork. You were starting to regret applying here as they wanted to wait a really long time until you could actually do any hands-on work. However, Sebastian’s presence made the situation a lot more bearable, as he would sometimes read over your shoulder and mention things that you would outright forget to write down. Because of his seeming attachment to you, your higher-ups completely changed your temporary job of reading and copying down paperwork into instead… still do the same thing but also look over Sebastian’s behaviour. They would say how you were the only person that he got along with, which meant it was the opportune moment to find out more about him and fill his file even more as it was severely lacking apparently. And so started your Behavioural Scientist job with no hiccups whatsoever. Especially not after begging Urbanshade not to let you go after the internship ended, convincing them that you were the only person who managed to get even remotely close to Sebastian’s good graces. No issues at all... 

OH and at some point reader is given their own office and it’s because they had a normal desk like other people before but because Sebastian is.. big… he would push the desks all the time and he would apologize to the scientists but you can tell he wasn’t being genuine as the malice was obvious on him SCREAMING but after having TOO MANY complaints about Sebastian following reader around and reader insisting that they need him to follow because it’s their job, Urbanshade just gave them a temporal office (that became their permanent office for years to come)--

I think it’s there where Sebastian starts seeing reader as a “friend”, they never hurt him and quickly realise that reader was genuinely not evil like the scientists that experimented on him. While Urbanshade made reader the behavioural scientist, they started working with other subjects as well (as you guys know) and Sebastian started seeing reader in a much more positive light. 

Reader goes on vacation sometimes, brings a lot of trinkets and pictures of the outside world to Sebastian. I think he tries to keep a strong face when he gets some of those things, he misses the outside world. I like to think reader asked him once what was his favorite snack and he would mention something from Chile and reader would get it for him and that’s probably the first time that he does cry in front of them because of the whole emotion of having something that’s basically a comfort food after so long. It was like a taste of freedom. Something to look forward to and not give up to Urbanshade. And seeing as how reader didn’t look disappointed or in any negative emotion I think that’s when Sebastian just completely changed his perspective. The idea where now in his grand plan of escaping the Blacksite that he had been making the moment that Urbanshade stopped doing the extreme experiments and let him walk (slitter?) freely now would include reader. 

While he knows reader is there for the other subjects too, he also knows that they are mostly there for him counting as I imagine there is a lot of subjects that reader can’t understand (like the angler… or pandemonium…) and while Sebastian knows a lot of them thanks to working with reader so closely (him reading all these classified documents) that he weights if he would escape the Blacksite he would want to take reader with him. I think at first when they met he was like they might die but its a sacrifice for his escape (they are but another scientist), but now he’s like if they die I die (“I have failed.”).

BASICALLY I imagine their friendship that is very slowburn but in the end they become extremely loyal to each other, reader doesn’t know that they are part of his plan now. I mention it in A Human’s Touch but Sebastian has this hidden room where he keeps all these things and he probably has written (in a coded language) a whole plan of his escape + what he would do once he gets out of the Blacksite. At first it only included him but the longer he spent with reader the more he kept in mine their safety as they are the only friend he’s had for years and they are ATTACHED. 

Oh and a final note, Sebastian’s bracelets were given by reader, but i wanted to talk briefly on the obsidian one because I went with spirituality and symbolism as to why I took that material… obsidian bracelets mean protection, grounding and emotional healing… a lot of mental clearance and transforms negative energy to positive ones. I like to think that reader got it for him after learning more about him, because just as he wants them to be safe, they want him to be safe too. Their biggest fear is that Urbanshade would want to experiment harder again with him again and/or kill him. Sebastian shares the same fear.

OK I think I am... done... I'm so sorry AGAIN if something doesn't make sense... feel free to send an ask.... That goes for anyone ofc but yes... I'm crazy but if you got this far here's a quick doodle I did for your troubles dear reader

[hencheri]

yeah, tell me you have no empathy without telling me you have no empathy :) I’d suppose you don’t even stan nct so why you ended up here idk, but this isn’t a moment to fight!? and over that, absolutely fucking not. like, you can’t deny the fact you’re attacking me/trying to pick a fight because why you are bringing up other groups and their silence about palestine? this is a WHOLE different situation. we’re talking about a man who is involved in a sex crime and we know this is 99% true with how sm handled the situation. this is not about kpop. this is not about who’s better as a stan!?

now about the members being with him, I mean, just how you said it and brought it up, I know you don’t stan or used to stan nct, whatever your feelings are. you have no concerns whatsoever, you use skull emojis like it’s a big fat joke, and it’s even brought up as a mocking way. the concerns about if they knew or not is valid, after all we were all shocked by the news and disgusted to hear that, especially from a member like taeil who we would have confidently said wouldn’t ever hurt a fly. but obviously, we thought wrong and we don’t even know how to process this (again, he was immediately kicked out of the group by how serious the case is. nobody saw it coming). but you clearly don’t care about any more potential offenders, as long as it’s not your faves, right? idk, this reaction is just straight up vile im my opinion. I know disgusting people are using this in fan wars as usual because they have no sense of morality, but seeing it in my dms? by one of my own followers probably? yeah, just shows me some of you are really devoid of any empathy. you don’t care about the victims, like I just answered an ask that was sympathizing with taeil and literally not believing the victims, and you tell me to calm down?? ofc I’m not calm like half the people right now because they learned that the person they liked is in fact horrible and has hurt people in the most cruel ways! I just stood up for what I believe in and it’s that no matter what, victims should be believed. this is not rumours about dating, this is not ‘pick a side’, the only right thing to do is not support taeil in any way and show that you believe the victims. give your support to them and to SA survivors in general.

and lastly, how is fanfiction promoting nct? like, am I getting a bill by sm for doing it? idk why I’m specifically getting laughed at by you and attacked when we’re more than that in the fandom, right? or am I the only one? idk. let’s repeat that taeil was kicked out of nct. he is no longer doing activities, he will not appear anywhere, like basically sm do not want to do anything with him anymore which is good!! that man doesn’t deserve a career. I don’t even think he’s gotta get money anymore, but in the end, I wasn’t giving him a boost or promoting his ass by writing fanfiction about his members. idk why the entirety of nct should be brought down too, saying they knew is just speculations and honestly speculations can be very harmful too. the news are fresh, and I’m still sick about it. idk why I’m getting attacked by randos on the internet for still having fics up on a blog that literally has 200 followers. like idk what’s your goal, but it’s not as truthful as you think it is. it’s not helping anyone and surely not the actual victims. dw, I saw your other ask and it’s just stupid and insensitive. I’m very serious rn, and I honestly don’t think you are. I wrote a lot but idc, this is not your silly ‘gotcha’ moment, this is real lives that have been destroyed by someone famous who deserves jail time for all the horrible shit he did.

[cookiecomics]

Anonymous Coward asked: sometimes it’s not even just whiteness (referring to a tweet of yours) but just like how pervasive every part of it can be. ignorance of culture, policing and harassment of others, assumptions about what everyone else’ experience should be. Like sometimes it isn’t even visible but you can just… tell???? how much a space is affected by whiteness as a concept (idk if im making sense. anyways)

No, you get it lol. It isn't something you can see if you're not outside of that bubble, but you can feel it and at times it's very unbearable. White people a lot of the times do not notice how white a space is and how it trickles down to accepted idea, accepted faces, perceived kindness and grace. But I also cannot understate how people don’t find it odd how hard it is to find black folks in the same fandom spaces as everyone despite us being huge nerds just like everyone else and folks don’t think about why that is you know? They don’t see a server and ask if it’s safe for black folks, they don’t wonder these things because they feel comfortable and that’s what matters. Honestly, being in fandom feels like that time I went to a karaoke party and I was the only black person there and everyone was playing songs I had never heard in my life.

 I couldn’t relate, I couldn’t engage, I had to smile the whole time because I need to be having fun right? Even when given the power to pick a song, to play a song I know that no one else can relate to would kill the vibe. There’s always this element of ‘you compromise not us’. At that same party a song with slurs was put on and there were yt folks singing at the top of their lungs. The other half were not or skipping the slurs when they show up and they thought that was enough. They thought not being racist themselves was enough. No one asked how I was doing because I have to be fine lmao. Anyways, that’s what it’s like to be in fandom where you can hardly find people that look like you or understand you experiences while everyone else is having fun. I’ve been sitting here wishing I could talk about specifics (I do have them) but unfortunately, I do not think that’s a good idea and the last thing I want is negative attention rn, so I’ll try to be as vague as possible. 

Plus people would hella disagree with me lmao. The safest example I can talk about isn’t even p5 specific, but I spoke about this with a friend on why Geto isn’t one of my favourite characters or more broadly why I don’t ship satosugu. I like Geto just fine mind you! I think he’s cool. And I think Satosugu is a great ship. However. I invite you whoever is reading this to imagine why I, a black person, may not exactly jive with a character whose favourite insult and dehumanizing phrasing is to call people he sees as beneath him as a monkey. I’ve never even touched satosugu fic lmfao because dear lord, I couldn’t in the manga and I wouldn’t willingly subject myself to that. 

Not saying it happens, but to be in character, I imagine it would lmao. And the same goes for Morgana! I saw a tweet the other day like “I don’t trust people who don’t like Morgana.” And I see this tweet like twice a week, (different people mind u) And every time I’m like, I simply did not enjoy Morgana calling Ryuji a monkey. It made me uncomfortable, (it’s not gonna make every black person uncomfortable but I know Plum was at least taken back by it) but to open up that discussion would make me look aggressive wouldn’t it? ESPECIALLY again, Ryuji is very black coded but I’m not touching that topic with a ten foot pole. People don’t really think too hard outside of their experiences and it’s alienating. Not to mention when I brought up a conversation about experiencing micro aggressions the overall response despite having a larger account at the time was silence and disappointment, by people I thought I was closer with than that too. 

It was a wake up call and I haven’t been able to feel right in the fandom since. Absolutely nothing would happen or something minor would happen (like Hazbin releasing a fucking Slurs shirt which thanks Viz. And this is coming from someone who laughed at the joke in the show because it was *just* the show) and it would dredge all this pain up all over again. Anyways, that’s my ramble, it sucks fandom is like this but I don’t see that ever changing because as I told Plum, bringing up race in their spaces is something yt folks do not like to do so

(https://retrospring.net/@CookieComics/a/112944476253264310)

[strawberrybuni]

🧵 anon here just wanted to say I hope your having an amazing day you are genuinely so cool and an amazing writer <3

Also regarding your recent post (I hope im not overstepping here, please feel free to ignore or tell me to mind my business lol I will not be offended) I wouldn’t worry too much about being seen as rude- i have an auditory processing disorder so I miss people talking to me or need them to repeat themselves all the time and I’ve found that people usually get that it’s not an intentional thing just a mistake if you just let them know you didn’t hear them and are not ignoring them on purpose.

I’ve found headphones are fairly easy to explain and a lot of people like to wear them in public so I’m sure most understand and I doubt anyone thinks youre rude for it (especially seeing as it is a common honest mistake) unless they’re weird about manners or kind of a dick or something in which case I don’t have an answer tbh

If you want it to be more clear that you are listening to music you could try getting some cheap overear headphones as they tend to be more visible though some people find them uncomfortable to wear.

PS re-reading some of your old stuff (the one with asking the jjk characters about a bite mark tattoo) and the reader calling Mahito a biter made me giggle really hard and also I 100% agree that’s something he’d do. Also sweet gods your dialogue is all so in character and widely varied character to character in ways that fit really perfectly and I also like the way you write the reader themself quite a lot and good lord you are so good at this I am impressed every time I re read your work

(Feel like I should mention I am very sleepy rn so this message may or may not be totally coherent, but yeah I hope you are taking care of yourself and doing well and though just hearing someone else say it isn’t super helpful I do honestly find that most people are usually not judging you for small things as much as you think especially if there is a clear and reasonable explanation which there 100% is in this case <3)

(Also again I hope I’m not overstepping or anything and I hope my sleepy brain didn’t phrase any of this in an accidentally rude way or something; my ability to convey tone goes down 100% when im sleepy but I just wanted to let you know that I doubt you are being judged and I know just being told that doesn’t solve the issue or anything but might be good to hear? Idk im gonna stop talking I think I might be starting to repeat myself now lol)

(Also sorry this got so long lol)

I swear you always know how to make me go 🥺 I hope you're having an even MORE amazing day!!

oh you're not overstepping at all!!! I always get so worried ugh, I think what doesn't help is that I use earbuds, and I have fluffy curly hair that covers my ears so people can't see if I'm wearing headphones or not(it's how I've gotten away with it at work and in class teehee), but you're right usually when I'm like OMG IM SORRY I HAD HEADPHONES IN they're always very understanding! I just overthink 🥺

no bc mahito is SO a biter like omg, but thank you so much for your kind words 🥹 I'm really happy you like how i write my reader! maybe other writers can relate, but my reader is very much myself tbh, like some of my friends who know of my blog have read some of my stuff and been like "why is that literally a conversation we've had?" LOL

you can thank my one short film teacher for teaching me his tips and tricks when it comes to writing dialog for scripts fr fr, I learned from him :3

also also don't apologize! I deeply enjoy hearing what you have to say 🫶🏻

[ssreeder]

i dont feel like discording right now so your getting this here instead.

what the fuck was that

i mean it was amazing in the sense that your an incredible writer and you captured all the traumatic shit perfectly and whatnot but still whatthefuck

you are just trying to completely trying to isolate sokka arent you?

Like its zukos turn to get some type of emotional support (even if it is by iroh 🙄😒) but atleast its there. But Sokka is just pushing everyone away.

i mean i dont blame him for lying, i probably would to in this situation.

and i dont think either of them are in the wrong this chapter, like i think they both have every right to be as angry as they were in this chapter (esp sokka bc katara is acting a tad bit shady)

surprisingly i dont want to strangle iroh this chapter. so that was a weird expierience (actually semi enjoying reading him)

Its like your trying to murder us all but like,, in a very artistic and lovely way.

because liab is horrific (affectionate) and stuff but its also really good and i love it.

i think you should let sokka go batshit and actually attack someone (preferebly iroh) but just my thoughts .

i still dont forgive you for the whole shen situation. i think about that atleast once a day. ive never had a fanfiction haunt me and i didnt even like shen that much but did you care? No you ripped my heart out. (idk what im saying here)

on a different note

you always do such a good job at capturing trauma and the effects of it. also the longevity of it. like as much as i hate reading sokkas slow descent into madness its also very nice and i love it. and as much as i hate seeing zuko tortured over and over and over and over again (leave him alone jfc) its war and its accurate for a prince that got turned over into the wrong hands (of course, who at this point is the right hands for him at this point since sokkas a litttle bit insane and ozais obiously a douche bad and irohs a twit). (i feel like your really trying to push the whole 'iroh is the best thing for zuko rn' thing and while i very reluctently agree, i still dont like iroh. he'll never get my approval).

I got off track.

anywho

even though its taking so long for both of them to actually be maybe sane, i think the little bit (we might) get by end of liab will be worth it because its taking so long??? idk.

i want to say i trust you with that but i dont

is it going to be perfectly executed? Yes. Definitely.

is it going to be happy? Who knows.

i think thats all for now

if your having trouble following my train of thought so am i but its your fault so.

the last portion was intended to be nice idk if it came across that way.

I’m not trying to isolate Sokka! He is doing a damn good job of that without any effort from me.

Katara & Sokka we’re just doing what siblings do, fight. But one is exhausted and emotionally drained and the other is in fight mode and ready to cut anyone down (even if it’s accidentally his little sister)

Shens death was sad, but he was laid to rest soooooo…. Positive moments??

Awwww thanks for the compliment - I’m glad you enjoy the way I capture the longevity of trauma because it’s not going away but time & support will help them heal slowly. Although after what they experienced they will never be “back to normal”

There will be a happy ending for those of the characters that survive, but there will always be lasting trauma. It doesn’t just ‘go away’ unfortunately.

Your ask was really sweet I’m surprised!! I feel warm & fuzzy MAXXXX!!!! you’re amazing. & I’ll make sure to stuff liab full of iroh content JUST. FOR.YOU. <3 (& Zuko cause he needs his uncle right now)

[thatbitchsimone]

(Trigger warning for anyone struggling with their relationship with food!!!)

I know this probably isn’t the best place to ask this question, but I don’t know where else to go to get an honest opinion and I’ve read your replies to a lot of messages and they’re really insightful and honest!

Do you have any advice on how to deal with weight gain in recovery from a ed? I’m struggling to find reassurance that’s it’s okay and normal and a good thing. I want to keep going in my recovery but I’m finding it really hard the further I go.

i cant fully grasp that dread anorexics feel about gaining weight since once again i havent experienced it but i can however ofc relate to the uncomfortableness u feel when ur body goes thru changes so thats the perspective im kinda gonna use here

the way ur body looks in the process/beginning of gaining weight isnt really the way ur body is gonna look once the weight has been stabilized and ur body has kinda ”settled down”. like ur gonna get bloated. ur gonna have water retention. theres gonna be puffiness. but thats not how ur gonna look forever like ur body is just trying to get accustomed to ur new intake and lifestyle. ur body has probably been deprived from A LOT during ur ed and thats gonna play into the way it first reacts to and handles the increase in food and weight as well. ur also not used to it yet. like ur brain needs to catch up. the goal of weight gain in recovery is also not to go from underweight to overweight. like ur not gonna get actually fat. the goal is to get u to normal weight. rn that may look fat to u but thats ur disordered brain distorting things like ur very blinded by ur disorder when it comes to whats normal and whats not like ur brain isnt even fully functioning rn bc its starved. idk what else to say like its gonna be hard but u just gotta ride it out. its like quitting smoking or drugs. u gotta ride out the withdrawal period like thats the first and hardest obstacle and then it will kinda even out and u will get some confidence out of the fact that u got thru the first trial like ur gonna be like yeah i did that i could do that like ur gonna feel strong and proud and thats whats gonna motivate u even further. overcoming hardships builds ur confidence more than anything and thats the sort of confidence that goes above and beyond the superficial like ur gonna gain this new appreciation for urself and ur body that is way more solid and real then just ur body looking a certain way or whatever like ur gonna start gaining true confidence. ur gonna be happier. focus on that like focus on the end goal here dont let temporary feelings and thoughts stop u from evolving. u already know this is what u want. ur gonna feel like shit sometimes but thats part of it like thats what recovery is u are recovering from bad shit and its a messy and sometimes terrifying exhausting road but u stay on that road. maybe u will stop and sit down at a bench on the sidewalk just to recharge and get a bit of a break but then u get up and keep walking again like u know u can do it and i know u can do it too

[lovezbrownies]

whoever sent that pop idol yandere is actually smart for that and I just had to say it

Alsoooo I’m mainly here to info dump on Lorelai’s brother!! ^^ We’ll call Lorelai’s brother James or Jamie since that’s the only actual name I can think of matching him. But keep in mind I’m horrible at naming so ehh idk. Anyways I envision him look wise to have blue hair like his dad Tom and also being rather tall. But in strength wise he’s pretty solid even if he’s on the skinny skeleton size. But if we’re going to be comparing him to jocks like Lauren and or military/police people like Gen & Grim then yeah no he will lose on a fight. Look wise he’s a tall average malnourished male like one you would see around in college campus bonus points if they’re studying something medicine/medical wise.

he’s also a huge mamas boy and also asks his mom on her opinion when it comes to gift and date ideas. NEVER Lorelai since he’s seen first hand how his sister is and how bad she is with dating. Especially considering how he once saw his sister come home all upset with a huge red slap mark on her cheek one day 😭 So he definitely knows not to ask his sister anything when it comes to romance.

There’s also a couple of reasons which explains why he isn’t a yandere or acts out on his jealousy or possessiveness. 1) he saw how unhinged his sister is when it came down to how Lorelai acts to the person of her affection. 2) he finds the whole thing to be very icky especially if the person he likes happens to be of the opposite gender. So he likely thinks he’s preying on his crush gender wise and incredibly so if they’re shorter than him. 3) he was once stalked by a person in his early years of highschool by a person he rejected and always and still does sometimes feel paranoid and goes to therapy cuz of that. 4) his awesome dad Tom told him and brought him up to be a very respectful person too bad Lorelai didn’t learn from Tom 😒

-🌪️

HELLO! IM SO SO SORRY THIS IS LIKE MEGA LATE BAS I WILL GET TO IT RN.

what if Jamie becomes the first non-yandere in the blog... MY BRAIN... its working overtime...

ANYWAYS LETS GET INTO IT. tall and malnourished... my favorite type of man... god i miss my wife sonic... (my wife is Viktor from Arcane.)

i feel like it could be a hit or miss with being a mamas boy, either a man can be such an annoying mamas boy where he will prefer his mother over anything and disagree with the entire world if she said so OR the best most respectful individual you'd ever meet. No inbetween.

Jamie would definitely be on the respectful side of the spectrum, citing our previous and current conversations regarding his behavior and personality! I like to think he consults his mom's opinion on general life stuff over his dad, but about his degree or jobs? straight to his dad! He would never abuse his family's reputation to gain a job, not like he has to. But if it ever gets too difficult to find a good job after uni? He's asking his dad to help him out.

And oh yeah, definitely after seeing all the shit Lorelai does to her darling while they constantly reject her makes him almost puke. He would never put his loved one through something so horrible like that, and would try his absolute best to be understanding and willing to listen to any issues his darling has with him.

But at the same time, I feel like a character cannot be a complete character without at least a flaw or two. Which leads me to conclude with, what would his flaws be? And if they were pointed out to him by his willing (ofc) darling would he be willing to change it?

[toehwa6]

What’s up partner wanna talk about chronic pain?

Here’s the scoop on chronic pain, at least in my perspective.

So everyone is different, but my shit is I’m 25 with a fuckin degenerative disc disorder which for me is when your fuckin bones just go away. It fucking sucks and it gave me stenosis, two partially herniated discs, and now I’m starting to get fuckin sciatica.

As you can imagine, but back fuggin hurts all the fuckin time, except when I’m walking or on Valium.

Unfortunately I can only walk like 2.5 miles, stand for 40 min, and sit for like 20-30 but when im sitting im fucked and I usually have to get up a bunch.

My life rn is fucked cause I literally do PT for 30min in the morning(not too bad), an hour in the afternoon, and then another 30min session before bed.

All in between im fuckin walking on a treadmill or juggling because I learned to do that recently so I have a something to do while im standing. (Actually very nice)

Anyway, down to the meat of it.

The shit I just described is fucking horrible, and some days I can’t walk or go and do shit like work or get groceries. And everytime I think the pain can’t get worse it does.

But fr the shittiest part about chronic pain *for me* is the fuckin depression that comes along with it.

All I think about all the time is

Im a burden, im worthless, im stuck here, I invalidate myself and my disability even tho Im in pain and can’t walk.

I went to a chronic pain seminar and they focused on the intrusive thoughts.

But they talked about things like

Is the pain ever gonna go away, is the pain ever gonna get worse, am I ever gonna get better

None of those applied to me

Imo those are thoughts you have in the first 6 months of chronic pain, but then you adjust and you don’t care anymore. At least I didn’t after awhile.

I accepted that my situation was fucked, it was never going away, and it was only going to get worse.

Easy peezy

But that weight is always replaced by something else.

Now I hate myself because I’ll never be better than what I am now.

I can’t go to school or have a career I want.

I can’t travel or do things I want to do.

I can’t even be comfortable in my house anymore.

All the while I’m just so focused on not bothering anyone with my problem’s because I’m so afraid of being a burden.

About 8 years ago, my little brother passed away. It took me years to not be known as the dead brother guy.

Now I’m just the disability back pain guy.

I don’t want to be that. I just want to be me.

But for anyone looking in, especially when I can’t hide it. That’s what they see.

It’s funny when people say if they had what I have they would just kill themselves. Like I get it lol. It’s nice to laugh instead of be pitied.

It makes me feel so bad when people have to make accommodations for me.

I spent my whole life trying to be as independent as possible, and now I’m in a position where I NEED to rely on others.

Idk. I know how having chronic pain can make you feel hopeless.

But everyone I’ve talked to who is also in my position are the most positive and ambitious people I’ve met. They want to live their lives so much.

It’s people looking in with their oh no that must suck glasses that assume how I feel.

And that’s why it sucks that people think being in pain all the time when for me it’s just the depression.

I feel so bad that I’m choosing to just push through the pain to have a full time job because I don’t want to feel like a loser anymore.

I’ll literally be taking a pay cut and I’ll have to work more which will be hard. But idc because at least I’ll feel like I have a purpose and I’m doing something.

People always say, but toehwa6, you have a part time job, and you’re fucked! What are you gonna do!

I’m gonna do whatever the fuck I want even if I want to kill myself the whole time.

Hopefully it makes my depression better.

I’m starting to just ramble and shit but idk I hope you read it.

I just say push til tomorrow and it’ll be better. Even if it sucks too or it’s worse just tell yourself tomorrow will be better.

Just do what you want to do

Thanks

[seiwas]

op i am going to put my thoughts here bc they for sure won’t fit the tags 😭💓

but this fic!! oh my god!! it’s just 🥺🥹 literally those emojis combined 🥺 so soft and so tender and so much love, i’ve said ur writing reminds me of a shoujo anime, op but this one—it’s just, a movie scene, but very specific to those in indie movies that ache and feel almost stolen if anything 🥺 and i just 🥺 ultimate comfort op my heart was tingling 😭

ur writing is so beautiful op!! like i listed down so many lines i really really loved!! (which i’ll share rn) sorry in advance for the rambling!!

a vacuum of stars — taunting in its perpetuity. <- this one omfg when u hit me with this op i was literally like 😦 that’s such a beautiful way to describe things in so few words

and this one too: your fingers in his hair, his footprints in your life. idk what u call it but i’m such a sucker for related words used in a sentence!! like the fingers and the footprints just uGh

and the way you explored satoru’s headspace through this all 🥺 i adore that !! my personal writing style leans towards thoughts/feelings so reading this kind of felt very… homey? something familiar but also entirely different 🥺 and your exploration of his thoughts on all this—love and affection, being cared for and being deserving of it all 🥺 made my heart clench!!!

how he comes home!! op!! the value u place on the home!!: satoru likes to think of your front door as a threshold between realms, a gap between within and without. & how!! he could get used to coming home to reader and i just 🥺

and you dropped so many lil bits n moments of satoru’s realisations too 🥺 and i just ! my heart just !!! every single time i read them i went: oh

food tastes better, satoru has come to realize, when you have someone to eat it with. 

cookie jars placed on the highest shelf to give him an excuse to help you reach them,

maybe some sunflowers, something that could rival the brightness of your smile.

it comes to him so easily, when he’s with you; that upturn of his lips, the butterflies in his stomach.

having someone who worries for you is a luxury, satoru has come to realize.

they’re all so powerful bc they’re such small, subtle things but you have a way of magnifying them op 🥹 idk how u do it but it’s just so !!!! i love subtle intimacies and this entire fic was full of it!!!

when he calls reader silly omg 🤧 shut up that is so cute & then it’s even worse when he calls em ‘sleeping beauty’ omfg 😭

i like your take that satoru finds an easy, sweet love w reader 🥺 and that he realises that’s rlly how it’s supposed to be 🥺 mainly bc — i think he’s always been handed all these big, difficult things to handle nskensj and i like how u render his technique weak at the prospect of love 🥺 i just !!

and this bit: “did you… make these?” a pause. ”for me?” + “he can’t possibly be allowed to feel so loved — can he?” made my heart ache!! like he can’t believe it’s true 🥺 like why him? what did he do? (to deserve you?)

and it’s this!!:

maybe it’s more than that, maybe there’s nothing he can say or do; what words could he even begin to use to properly verbalize the emotions he’s feeling right now? how could his touch even begin to measure up to the sweet sensation unfurling in his chest?

his slow realisation that sometimes love is just like that, and there’s nothing to do but feel it, accept it, and hope that whoever he loves knows how he feels and feels it right back 🥺

and the small touches !!! the kiss to his neck !!! when he kisses reader !!! op im melting !!! for real 🥺

i love the reader you made for him here, so tender so loving ! worrying about him always even though he says there’s no need ☹️ and how he receives it !! by trying to fix his bad habits bc reader’s always concerned for him ☹️ and !!! when reader dotes on him i was sniffling !! “You did well” jaisnskdj i think bc he doesn’t get told it enough !!!! and i love exploring that side to him always !! the one that’s babied and handled with care 🥺

and their banter!! u got the perfect balance op 🥺 reader was so tender n loving while still so witty !! n teasing !! in the way satoru is ! and that makes for such good banter uGH i wish i could write like this 🥺

this scene:

”woah there,” satoru chokes out, grinning, desperately hoping you don’t notice the red tint to his ears. ”are you flirting with me? i have a partner, you know.”

a giggle slips from your lips, sleepy and amused. ”oh, do you?” one of your hands goes to cup his cheek,  thumb caressing the edge of his jaw as you gaze at him fondly. ”lucky them.”

i love it bc the joking around feels so intimate 🥺

and yeah 🥺 i rlly loved this so much op!! thank u thank u for writing it!!!

i’ll relearn love at our kitchen table ; satoru gojo

synopsis; satoru still doesn’t really know what love is supposed to feel like. but if it means coming home to you, and getting to bask in the warmth of your embrace and the sweet scent of pastries, then maybe it’s fine if it’s a curse.

word count; 4.9k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, satoru gojo vs. the mortifying ordeal of being loved, fluff fluff fluff!!, a hint of angst if you reeeaallyyy squint, gojo’s pov, the babygirlification of satoru gojo, i just think being babied would fix him <3

a/n; i wanted to write something for suguru or shoko but this man is genuinely holding my brain hostage atp so more satoru fluff it is!! physically i could write gojo angst yes but emotionally? imagine the toll…

when satoru steps over the threshold to your apartment, he’s downright exhausted.

a heavy kind of fatigue, a little sickening. the kind that seems to sneak its way into his bones, crawl its way under his skin. dragging him down, down, down.

a yawn slips from his lips.

the mission itself wasn’t too tough — anything is a breeze for satoru gojo, that fact needs no elaboration. this one was just a little more taxing than usual, slightly more important, which means he had to deal with the technicalities of it all. had to listen to the elders go on and on about the importance of discretion, about finishing things swiftly and efficiently, and something else he didn’t stick around long enough to hear.

and the curse? a small fry, really. nothing worth fussing over. but it was annoying, with that irritatingly effective barrier technique. how long did he have to stay inside that goddamn veil before it let him get close enough to land a hit? 

satoru doesn’t want to think about it, can’t be bothered to figure it out when all he wants is to collapse into the warm comfort of a soft mattress.

all he knows is that when it finally lifted, the night sky was the only thing he could see. a vacuum of stars — taunting in its perpetuity.

so, with all that being said; to say satoru feels a little worn out might be a bit of an understatement. 

hair slightly tousled, eyelids heavy with sleep-deprivation, he slumps against the wall and allows himself to simply breathe. a soft groan flows from his parted lips as he stretches idly, a small respite for his stiff and achy joints, his tired muscles. 

it’s been a long day. but satoru still finds it in him to exhale a relieved breath, to drag his blindfold down to his neck and kick off his shoes.

because it’s been a long, long day — but now he’s finally home.

(not just a house, not just an apartment, but a home. a place of comfort and belonging. satoru didn’t think that was a luxury he would ever be able to afford.)

the moment he lets the door close behind him, a particular scent greets him. soothing in its familiarity, the only thing in his life that never seems to change; a blend between fresh laundry, and watered houseplants, and something that smells a bit like honey. maybe even sweeter than usual, though satoru chalks that up to his mind playing tricks on him. 

it’s nice. so nice. coming back to something warm and real, a respite from his hectic work. a safe haven of sorts, one that hasn’t been taken from him just yet.

satoru likes to think of your front door as a threshold between realms, a gap between within and without. one is dark in its saturation, plagued by that never-fading smell of iron, while the other is simply warm. sacred in its normalcy. 

everything looks just as it should, the same as when he rushed out this morning; a fluffy blanket draped over the couch haphazardly, that soft golden light streaming out from the kitchen, your shoes by the front door.

satoru blinks, drowsily.

wait.

why is the kitchen light still on?

as if his eyes could ever deceive him, satoru rubs the skin under them groggily — blinking once, then twice. 

yep, it’s still there — that soft fluorescent glow. a sight he’s come to associate with breakfast and dinner and a mellow kind of love, laughter shared over warm meals made by human hands. food tastes better, satoru has come to realize, when you have someone to eat it with. 

ah, but it’s odd. did you forget to turn the lights off? that’s not very like you. 

as if possessed by a strange, irresistible longing, his feet carry him to the kitchen in question. undeniably groggy, his uncoordinated steps are riddled with fatigue, but the yearning in his chest compels him to move forward anyway — a kind of yearning he only fully understands when he enters the space, and sees you slumped over the table, a familiar flicker of cursed energy capturing his attention.

you’re asleep.

satoru stills, where he stands by the threshold between the kitchen and the living room.

everything looks the same as always — cookie jars placed on the highest shelf to give him an excuse to help you reach them, origami made from newspapers he never bothers to read anyway, a vase standing proudly on the kitchen counter, stuffed with fresh flowers he bought for you two days ago. 

the red roses still haven’t wilted, shining in the blue of the moonlight flickering in. good. they’re pretty, but maybe next time he should get you something more original. maybe some sunflowers, something that could rival the brightness of your smile. do they even sell sunflowers this time of year? 

if you were awake, he would ask you, preferring your guidance over google’s. but you're not awake, you’re fast asleep, cheek squished against the kitchen table as you softly snore.

satoru feels his mood lift at the sight alone, and suddenly he doesn’t feel as tired anymore. something soft and almost otherworldly sprouts in his chest, as he takes you in, stepping closer. almost giddy, just to see you up close.

you look so peaceful and relaxed, so content. elbows resting on the table as soft little breaths fall from your lips; he spots a bit of drool on the corner of your bottom lip, gaze fond as he wipes it away with his thumb. he can’t resist the urge to poke your cheek, and it makes you stir ever so slightly — lips curling up into something akin to a sleepy smile.

satoru grins.

(you’re so cute.)

despite his fatigue, he hears himself chuckle, all soft and amused and a little bit lovesick. it comes to him so easily, when he’s with you; that upturn of his lips, the butterflies in his stomach.

satoru is still getting used to it. this cotton candy sweet, light as a feather kind of love. the kind that always feels like spring. 

but with every day that passes, the life he has with you becomes a little easier to digest. his future with you becomes a little easier to visualize.

yeah, he thinks. he could get used to this. coming home to you.

a soft smile, as he exhales a somewhat exasperated breath. you really shouldn’t be sleeping out here, though. silly.

satoru leans forward, inching closer to your pretty, sleeping face — he almost feels bad, waking you up like this. but he wants to hear your voice so badly.

so he cups your cheek, cold skin meeting warm, his hands still lingering with the bite of the midnight air. his fingertips tingle, buzzing with the body heat that trickles from your veins to his — one single touch is all it takes for him to soften.

the word that falls from his lips breaks the peaceful silence of the kitchen, breathing life into the moment. whispered into your ear, causing your brows to furrow as you gently slip from sleep’s embrace.

“baby…” 

satoru is smiling, when your eyelids flutter open. a sincere smile, reserved for you and his students. bathed in the mellow hue of the kitchen lamp’s illumination, a soft glow curls around the strands of his white hair, a halo of artificial light.

blinking sleepily, you gaze at him in silence. something shines in your eyes, something satoru tentatively recognizes as adoration. 

satoru gazes right back at you, with heavy-lidded eyes and a lopsided smile. teasing, lighthearted. thumb smoothing over the apple of your cheek.

he grins, hopelessly endeared. ”hey there, sleeping beauty.”

a yawn tumbles from your lips, and you lift yourself up, leaning into his touch. “toru…” you mumble, voice a little raspy but still oh so sweet.

satoru doesn’t say anything. he simply takes you into his arms, gently, touch so very delicate — as if you’re made of porcelain. and you just let yourself fall into his embrace, while he tucks you under his chin, safe and secure. 

it’s warm, he thinks. it feels right. complete, somehow.

and satoru thinks to himself that this must be what love feels like. what it’s supposed to feel like, anyhow, all sweet and light. all good and normal, something you never have to question. a cornerstone.

“you’re back…” you drawl, muffled into his uniform as your arms sneak around his thin waist. bringing him closer.

stroking the back of your head softly, satoru’s chest rumbles as he speaks, voice deep and a little raspy. soothing, a lullaby just for you. “yeah,” he hums. ”were you waiting?”

all you do is nuzzle further into his chest, cheek smooshed right over his heart; breathing out a sleepy little mhm that has him going weak at the knees, lips curling up helplessly.

“i wanted to…” you continue, stretching your arms a little to shrug away the remnants of sleep still clinging to your joints. “but i fell asleep.” 

satoru feels you move in his arms, until your jaw settles on top of his shoulder and you press a chaste kiss to his neck. an exhale leaves his lips, something tender in the way his breath wavers.

“welcome home,” is whispered, muffled against his skin. a sentence he never wants to go a single day without hearing. “did the mission go okay?”

satoru plants a kiss on top of your head, speaking in a low tilt, reassuring. “it did. just took a little longer than i thought.” a soft inhale, as he basks in the scent of your shampoo. “i wanted to text you, but the veil blocked my signal. sorry, sweetie.”

another soft yawn, and a shake of your head. “s’ fine, don’t worry,” you murmur. ”i’m just glad you’re okay.”

satoru chuckles. there’s a fondness to it, light. and then something else, something more heavy — it rumbles through his chest, almost like a purr, or a soothing thunderstorm. he can only hope it’s enough to comfort you.

“of course.” he says the words like they’re indisputable, like they’re written down in scriptures old and worn. cradling you in his strong arms, he pulls you closer to his chest. hoping you’ll feel his heartbeat against you, feel that he’s there. “i always am, aren’t i?”

no answer. only a tiny hum, absentminded.

and satoru knows, deep down, that his words don’t mean much. that a part of you is always going to worry over him, no matter how many times he tells you that there’s no need. that he’ll be fine.

the thought makes him feel a bit guilty. a little sick to his stomach, at the thought of being a source of your anxiety, the reason you can’t fall asleep at night.

but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t also make him feel somewhat giddy.

the thought tastes sweet, on his tongue, even though it probably shouldn’t. having someone who worries for you is a luxury, satoru has come to realize. a luxury he has, now, one he hasn’t felt since —

well. that’s neither here nor there.

(“be careful, satoru,” he recalls a kind boy saying.

but that was many, many springs ago.)

“oh, right.”

at the sound of your voice, satoru pulls away ever so slightly, gazing down at you. “hm?”

you take a step back, looking up at him with a tilt of your head. hands still resting securely on his waist, fingertips squeezing at his hips lightly, affectionately. ”have you had anything to eat yet?”

“yeah. got some takeout on my way back.”

satoru expects you to sigh in relief, at his instantaneous answer. you don’t like it when he skips meals, so these days he’s been trying not to do it as much. even though he doesn’t always have the time to eat properly, and even though the sweets he chews on between missions make him lose his appetite. but he makes an honest attempt, for you.

someone worries for him. someone wants him to eat well.

that’s more than enough for satoru gojo.

but you don’t exhale, and you don’t look very relieved, either. you look… disappointed. eyes suddenly glancing down at the floor, lips curled down into a barely noticeable frown. 

“oh,” you breathe. “okay. good.”

one second. then two. satoru tilts his head.

“why?” he stops to think. maybe… “did you make something?”

a certain recognition flickers in the depths of your eyes, and satoru thinks he must be right on the money. chewing at your bottom lip a little, you wait a moment before curling your fingers around his wrist — tugging him away from the kitchen table.

satoru follows, pliantly, until you’re standing in front of the fridge.

“well, um… here,” you mumble, somewhat sheepishly. fingers tapping at the handle before pulling it open. “take a look.”

satoru watches as the fridge door opens, slowly.

he blinks.

the first thing he sees is a single slice of strawberry shortcake. the strawberry looks fresh, glittering like a ruby on top of the softly whisked cream — and layers of sponge cake, that look like they’d melt in his mouth.

and that’s not all. there are a wide array of baked treats stuffed into the cramped space, protected by plastic wrapping and containers. everything from cupcakes with too much frosting — just the way he likes them — to chocolate chip cookies that crumble at the corners, satoru never seems to run out of things to look at. 

colourful treats, lovingly made and sitting right in front of him. it’s like he’s standing in a patisserie. they almost seem to sparkle, in the peripheral of his vision; glimmering softly, tantalizingly, like something out of a dream.

childish. that’s what nanami and shoko always call him, and he always protests, but — maybe they have a point, after all. satoru certainly feels a little childish, when he realizes his eyes must be wide and bursting with child-like giddiness. a simple kind of joy, at seeing the ample selection in front of him. especially after that tedious mission prevented him from getting any sugar into his system.

”i did my best,” you mutter, sharing the sight with him as your eyes trail over a pretty bag of macarons. ”dunno if they turned out any good, but�� i hope you’ll like them.”

satoru’s gaze flits over to you. 

he opens his mouth, and then closes it again.

”did you… make these?” a pause. ”for me?”

a blink. you look somewhat confused, nodding stiffly. ”yeah.” who else would they be for?, your eyes seem to say.

for a second, satoru only stares at you. in complete silence, the tired cogs inside his head turning sluggishly as he thinks about the implications of that answer. with a soft flutter, he feels his heartbeat pick up, warming him up from the inside out. 

you made them. with your own hands. you made all of these and you did it for him.

for some reason, satoru finds it oddly hard to speak — like someone stuffed a bunch of cupcakes down his throat. it’s weird. usually he can’t seem to stop talking, especially not when he’s with you, but… 

something about this is just too tender.

you must have been baking all day. no wonder the apartment smelled sweeter than usual, when he walked in.

as if itching to curl around one of the macarons, his fingers twitch, but satoru gulps and keeps them still. he wants to say something, anything, wants to thank you or ask why you’d spend so much of yourself on him, but satoru only stays silent.

and maybe it’s because he’s tired. maybe he’s just a little caught off guard. usually this wouldn’t be that hard to handle — he could just throw himself on you and shower you in kisses, show his appreciation with a flurry of dramatics and declarations of love. 

but right now there seems to be a disconnect, between satoru’s mind and body. maybe the mission drained him more than he realized. or maybe it’s more than that, maybe there’s nothing he can say or do; what words could he even begin to use to properly verbalize the emotions he’s feeling right now? how could his touch even begin to measure up to the sweet sensation unfurling in his chest?

the silence doesn’t last long. as satoru stands there and spirals, you speak up, most likely chalking it up to him being too sleepy to react. 

”this mission was especially rough, right?” you begin, with a soft tilt of your head. a smile curls its way onto your lips, proud and sweet. sweeter than everything in the fridge combined.

one step, then two. you inch closer to him, until there’s almost no space between you — standing on your tiptoes, one hand on his shoulder and the other reaching for his head. smoothing down his tousled hair, fingers tangling themselves between the soft white strands and getting lost in them. and it’s gentle, the way you begin to pat his head, doting. 

then you speak. ”you did well.”

and it’s such a simple thing to say. three words, three syllables, but the words just tumble out from your mouth so earnestly that satoru can’t help but still. his breath hitches in his throat, softly, barely noticeable, but it’s there. that surprise.

satoru never knows how to act, when you get like this. patting his head and ruffling his hair like he’s something warm and sweet and worthy of love. something delicate, and not the strongest man on the planet. 

it’s so weird. you’re so weird.

(satoru leans into your touch without thinking, allowing his eyes to flutter shut.)

it’s perplexing, this feeling, and the fact that he can’t pinpoint why frustrates him to no end. isn’t this wrong? shouldn’t he be the one ruffling your hair, coddling you?

what formula is he supposed to follow here, exactly? should he tease you? pull away from your touch?

satoru wishes his six eyes could tell him the answer, but they don’t. they’ve never been very good with emotions, with things that aren’t directly tied to his suffering or imminent death.

(so ironic. all these eyes and nothing to see. they failed to see suguru’s silence, back then, and now they fail to see what reaction would please you the most. 

really, such a worthless ability to love people with.)

no answer comes to him. so satoru doesn’t tease you, and he doesn’t pull away.

it does feel slightly wrong, though. like this feeling isn’t something he’s supposed to have, there must be some mistake, he can’t possibly be allowed to feel so loved — can he? having you bake him all his favorite treats, run your fingers through his hair. praise him for working hard. really, isn’t he being too coddled?

… but it feels so nice.

satoru suspects that there’s a lot to love he might not fully understand, just yet.

maybe tomorrow, when he’s a little less tired, he can try once again to give you the impression that he’s perfect. that he doesn’t need affection, that he doesn’t crave your support or your touch. that he’s above all that, the strongest, someone for you to depend on.

depend on him, while he depends on no one. that’s the kind of existence satoru gojo is. that’s how it should be, that’s all he knows, but…

ah. it feels really nice when your nails scratch his scalp like that.

and suddenly, that’s all satoru can think. no more pesky what-ifs, or second guessing every good thing he gets. right now, it’s just you and him. your fingers in his hair, his footprints in your life.

satoru allows himself to melt under your touch, almost meekly. leaning down just a little further, to make it easier for you to smooth your hand over his head. he nuzzles into your palm with a happy little exhale, and for some reason he feels sort of bashful.

try as he might, satoru doesn’t manage to successfully shoo the emotion away, so all he can do is hope you don’t take note of it.

and you just continue your onslaught of affection, now ruffling his hair with both your hands, like he’s a big puppy getting cooed over. satoru suspects that you might be getting a little carried away, but he doesn’t stop you. greedy, in the way he wishes your hands would never leave his hair. the way he hopes you’ll never be too far away from him to reach.

”such a hard worker,” you coo, and he feels himself grow flustered. ”my baby deserves so much love.”

”woah there,” satoru chokes out, grinning, desperately hoping you don’t notice the red tint to his ears. ”are you flirting with me? i have a partner, you know.”

a giggle slips from your lips, sleepy and amused. ”oh, do you?” one of your hands goes to cup his cheek,  thumb caressing the edge of his jaw as you gaze at him fondly. ”lucky them.”

the grin you’re wearing is awfully bright. soft around the edges in a way that has him speechless, brain malfunctioning ever so slightly. satoru makes a mental note to scrap the sunflower idea — there has to be some brighter flower out there, one that can actually compete with your smile. sunflowers just won’t cut it.

but then you let go, and satoru gets broken out of his lovesick stupor. when your hands leave his skin, his lips curl down into a soft pout — one he rushes to smooth away, before you can notice it.

you step back, failing to stifle a soft bout of laughter — and satoru knows it’s not because you saw the pout, when he realizes that your gaze is glued to his hair. he internally winces when he thinks about how messy it must look, after your little bout of cuteness aggression. 

(you really are weird, finding him cute of all things.)

he expects you to tease him a little more, but you don’t, turning away and tapping your fingers on the kitchen counter. ”if i’d known you’d be home this late,” you speak, stealing one last glance at the pastries before closing the fridge. ”then i would’ve waited until tomorrow. so you could eat them fresh.”

an apology rests on satoru’s tongue, but as if sensing it, you rush to reassure him.

”ah, but this is fine too! they should still taste good!” you turn away, muttering. ”… hopefully.”

then you nod to yourself, crossing your arms absentmindedly. 

satoru looks at you for a second. 

then he steps forward, unable to resist the temptation — tapping at your wrist with the pads of his fingers, before gently curling them around it, coaxing you into turning your head towards him.

the kiss he presses to your lips is soft, delicate. his fingers trace along your jaw, cupping your cheek and tilting your face up slightly, just letting his warm lips rest against yours. sweet and chaste. he sighs into the kiss, content, and feels your pulse pick up.

then he moves down to your jaw, slow and methodical — lazy kisses, sleepy but so full of affection. and little pecks, scattered all over your lips, your cheek, the tip of your nose.

you seem to melt a little, against him, and satoru relishes in it; his ability to make you relax. far more valuable than the six eyes, he would argue.

when he pulls away from you, with what takes tremendous self-restraint, he’s smiling. his gaze meets yours, layered over with pure adoration, blue eyes crinkling as he looks at you. as if you’re his entire world. the kitchen light embraces him, cascading down the contours of his face; the bridge of his nose, the curve of his jaw, his barely noticeable dimples.

and there it is, again — that flicker of love in your eyes, that adoration. as if you’re looking at a painting, something too beautiful for words.

(satoru hopes you can see that very same adoration, reflected in his eyes as he looks at you.)

after a moment, he leans forward, to rest his jaw on the curve of your shoulder. you stumble a little under the weight, caged in as his arms hug your midriff.

”god,” he sighs, breathless, heavy with giddy disbelief. almost whining when he continues, nuzzling into your neck as if to hide. ”why are you so perfect, huh? i don’t get it.”

at that, you huff out a laugh, an amused little breath. wrapping your arms around his neck and scratching at his nape softly. satoru shudders just a little, arms tightening around you.

”stealing my line…” you mutter, accusatory, smile laced over with a honeyed affection. 

another amused breath is exhaled into the air of the kitchen, this time from him. ”nah,” he grins, tugging you closer. ”’s mine.”

this is warm, he thinks. this feels right. complete, in a way that satoru never understood before you.

he could probably stand there forever, just basking in it. soaking up your body heat and the smell of your shampoo. until your warmth is all he knows, until he can never get your scent off his skin.

and satoru thinks that he could get used to this. a cotton candy sweet, light as a feather kind of love, one that smells like spring and tastes like strawberry shortcakes and feels like tight hugs shared in kitchens.

your love makes him feel so human. and it’s scary, terrifying even, but it's also too good to pass up. it’s worth the risk. so worth everything.

a yawn leaves your lips, suddenly. satoru feels you soften in his embrace, nuzzling closer to him, stumbling just a tad. he doesn’t think it’s fair, for such a simple gesture to make him as happy as it does.

”sleepy?” he coos, smile giddy and fond. ”let’s go to bed, okay? no more sleeping on the kitchen table, silly.”

a disgruntled little huff resounds throughout the air, as you let your arms fall to your sides. ”that’s on you,” you declare, poking the plush of his chest with your finger. ”i only fell asleep because you took so long.”

a teasing glint flickers in satoru’s eyes.

”wanted to see me that badly, huh?” he coos. you roll your eyes, and he pulls your cheek. ”that’s cute.”

”so what if i did?”

satoru stills. you’re smiling, a little mischievous but mostly sincere. and it really is very unfair of you, he thinks — to do this to him while his guard is down. 

but he manages to pull himself together, raising an amused eyebrow and booping your nose in a way that catches you off guard. blinking up at him, eyelashes fluttering. 

satoru clears his throat. ”well, that’s sweet.”

he turns on his heel, suddenly, and strolls over to the fridge. ”but you know what’s even sweeter?” he chirps, fingers curling around the handle as he swiftly pulls it open. 

satoru licks his lips, absentmindedly, eyes trailing over all the different pastries. so close yet so far, just out of reach; his fingers move forward, towards that mesmerizing slice of strawberry shortcake —

”— no.”

a hand settles on satoru’s waist, and tugs him away from his well-deserved prize. taking advantage of his momentary surprise, you close the fridge decisively, and give him an unimpressed raise of your eyebrow.

satoru whines, loud and grating. pouting sweetly, trying to make you feel bad. ”c’mon, just one bite —”

”no.”

”but they’re for me!”

”they’re for you to eat tomorrow. i was only gonna let you eat them tonight if you were on the brink of starvation, or something.”

”i am!”

”so the takeout was a lie?” you narrow your eyes at him, suddenly suspicious. ”have you been skipping meals, again?”

satoru pauses. weighing his options. ”well, no, but…”

”— then no.”

another soft whine. you turn away from him, when he tilts his head and gives you his best set of puppy dog eyes. in fear of giving in to them, satoru knows, as you have so many times before. ”please?” he tries, to no avail.

”you’re not eating sweets before bed, satoru,” you deadpan, and his smile falls further, exaggerated. ”and no, we are not having that conversation again.”

he can tell you’re trying to sound stern, but a giggle tumbles from your lips nonetheless, at the ridiculousness of the situation. keeping a grown man away from your fridge, knowing that he’ll wolf down every pastry he sees and get himself sick if you don’t. all while the man in question whines at you in protest, frowing so deeply, disappointment evident on his features.

(except satoru really isn’t very disappointed at all. like this, he gets to stare at your smile all he wants, after all. knowing you won’t notice it, too busy trying to keep yourself from giving in to his pleas.)

he tries again, one last time. just because he knows it’ll make you laugh. you do, a little exasperated, and satoru couldn’t be happier. 

and he thinks to himself that if this is what love is, if this is what it’s supposed to feel like, then it can’t possibly be that much of a curse. 

maybe he should revise the hypothesis, get a second opinion. he’ll have to ask you tomorrow, over pastries and coffee, and hear what you have to say.

as you both stumble to the bedroom, sleepy and a little delirious, satoru thinks that maybe this is enough; the lighthearted banter, the fond laughter. everything good and real and normal, within the space of your apartment, a home he never thought he’d have.

(and maybe, a second opinion isn’t necessary, after all. maybe it doesn’t really matter if love is a curse or not, as long as he gets to share it with you, like this.)

that night, satoru dreams. curled up with you beneath the blankets, limbs tangled together, as if he could never be close enough.

he dreams of kitchen lights, of sweet treats and warm hands. of spring breezes, and a love he’s finally beginning to accept for what it is:

good. wholly and thoroughly.

[rawbins-undertale-blog]

hey there again!!!

might i slide in this fine ask box with another HC request?

if yes, then could you please write some HCs where uf and ht sanses and papyruses (seperate of course) s/o gets put in a hospital for a lil bit? you can decide what happened to s/o. maybe a bad heatstroke cuz its summer or something (totally not because its a bad heatwave where im living rn haha nope). idk, i just crave angst or hurt/comfort again from my fave skeletons.

if you're not up for this, its totally fine!!

thank you, have a chill day/night B)

- 🌌 anon whos sunburns arent stinging that much anymore B)

*Evil cackling* OH-HO-HO, yOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MONSTER YOU HAVE UNLEASHED…… I am an evil being who feeds off of angst and pain, and you’ve given me ample opportunity to make some of that sweet sweet angst >:-)))))))))

I tried to keep it ambiguous as to what you’re in for, mostly because I want you to be able to imagine heatstroke and me to be able to think “hahahah stab stab”! ^^

Also!!! The healthcare system in some other countries is fucking insane (like??? You guys have to pay to not die??????) so I’ll be going off of what I know about the healthcare system in Sweden where it’s free. (At least I’m 99% sure it’s free, except for like. Small things. For example, my antidepressants. I had to buy those myself when I was still on them.)

UF + HT BROS WHEN S/O IS IN THE HOSPITAL

Red (Underfell Sans):

He’s panicking so so bad, he’s terrified. What if you die?

Curses out anybody who tries to keep him from you, including the poor nurse who’s just doing their job

Actually he just. curses in general. He’s just spewing cuss words to seem angry instead of scared because That’s Definitely Better

Most likely out of all four to physically lash out at… well, anybody (except you obviously) lol

Red hates hospitals too, to make matters worse. He doesn’t know why, but they make him feel uncomfortable.

If somebody did this to you purposely and he’s not allowed by your side, he’s going out to find the person and kick their ass during that time lol

If nobody did this to you, he’s pacing and cursing and jfc Red, you do realise there are other people here right enjdjdjdjsjsk

This fucker tries to pull a “pfff nah i was never worried” but like. Red. Darling. Light of my life. Stars in my sky. Center of my universe. Bitch of my heart. Everyone can see right through your “anger” and literally your shaking voice is so not convincing. Get a better poker face and voice.

With some prodding, admits that finehewasscaredyou’ddieandhethoughthisheartstoppedforasecondwhichisweird’causehedoes’tevenhaveaheartanywaysthat’sovernowsowhocares

(He’s not great at expressing himself but it’s still progress)

WILL be staying right by you as you recover. You’ve no choice. (You do actually, he respects you and will back off if you tell him to)

Edge (Underfell Papyrus):

Oh no. Oh no.

Edge is trying his very best not to show any emotions but he’s not good at it because like. It doesn’t take a genius to see that him screeching angrily at people and demanding for the doctors to fix this is actually him poorly masking his fear. Edge doesn’t have the best poker face lol

He’s so pissed if he can’t stay right next to you the whole time. You’re his S/O!! What kind of bullshit is this?!

If you do need to be left alone with doctors and such things, Edge will do one or two things depending on why you're in the hospital, how bad what you’re in for is and for how long he can’t see you.

If you’re here for something like heatstroke - AKA something not brought on by somebody else - he’ll call friends and such while pacing and somewhat frantically share your current condition.

However, if anybody did this to you; and you’re in bad shape… Well, even fucking Satan will cower at the brutality of Edge’s revenge.

When he’s allowed to be, he’s by your side and - depending on why you’re in and for what - he might nag you for being careless, reassure you it wasn’t your fault, reassure you in general, and/or just stay silent.

It’s barely noticeable, but just noticeable enough, that you can tell that he’s shaking.

All it takes is a “are you okay?” For him to break and confess how scared he was.

For a moment he was back Underground and it was horrible and he felt so powerless and he hates that. He’s so, so happy you’re okay and he- he swears he’ll be with you on your way to recovery. Please just never get hurt again.

Dusk (Horrortale Sans):

If you thought Red and Edge were scared, just know it’s nothing compared to the absolute terror he feels.

Dusk knows how fragile the human body can  be. He’s seen horrific things happen to humans and monsters alike and he’s always hyper-aware of just how easy it’d be to kill and/or hurt you.

Logically, he knows you won’t die, he knows human anatomy well enough to know this is something you’ll bounce back from, but his instincts are going haywire and all he can think of are the mangled corpses back Underground. It doesn’t matter whether your condition has anything to do with broken limbs or not, because those pictures are what his mind is forcing onto him.

He refuses to leave your side. If he’s forced away from you by nurses/doctors/staff, he’ll protest but if he really can’t be by you for your safety, he’ll be anxiously hovering as close by as he possibly can. Whenever he’s allowed to touch you, he’s practically glued onto you.

If he’s sure it’s just the two of you, and you’re unconscious, he’ll probably cry.

He… He hates being reminded of your mortality. He hates the idea that any day could be your last. He doesn’t know what he’d do if you were gone.

(He’d dust, probably.)

If somebody else got your purposely hurt, he’s going to hunt them down after a while (after you’ve recovered enough for him to be comfortable leaving you alone for a bit). He’s not going to kill them, but he might rough them up a bit -- but most likely, he’ll just intimidate them and/or threaten them. (It’d be a different story if you were murdered.)

Whenever you’re conscious, he’ll do pretty much anything you say, so long as it won’t get you anymore hurt or risk stunting your recovery.

When you’re released from the hospital, he’ll be by your side nearly 24/7 because he hates the idea of you getting hurt again just because he wasn’t there to protect you.

Aster (Horrortale Papyrus):

Tries to look calm and composed, but he does about as poor of a job as his brother. He does better in that he doesn’t act out or get in the way of the nurses, but he’s also crying and shaking and sobbing and can’t stop.

You getting injured triggers him pretty badly. If you’re not bleeding, it’ll probably be “only” a bad anxiety attack, but if there’s any blood involved it’s escalating into a full-blown panic attack.

He’s a nurse himself, but I doubt he’d be allowed to work with the other nurses when it comes to you because of how unsteady he is. He’s not sure whether he’s thankful for it or not, because he doesn’t trust himself to do a good job but he also wants to be there for you. He trusts his colleagues, but it’s still nerve-wracking.

Just like the others, he’s glued to your side when he’s allowed to be. Very metaphorically. He’s the best of them all at giving you space, partially because he’s just more respectful lol and partially because he’s a nurse so he knows not to smother you with physical affection until you’re in the clear.

If somebody caused you to go into this state, he will just like Dusk go and find them. He won’t do anything physical, but he does intimidate the person very effectively. He’s a terrifying giant and he knows how to use that to his advantage.

When you’re fine again, he’ll be acting anxious and protective for a while. He feels really guilty about it (because he should be comforting you - plus, he’s a nurse! He’s seen way worse things on his job) but you’ll have to give him comfort. This whole thing didn’t inspire much positive feelings in him and it stressed him out a lot, it may honestly take more of a toll on him than it does you.

[lxngbottom]

i NEED more dominant neville!! maybe something to do with thigh riding idk 🤷🏼‍♀️

Be A Good Girl. | N.L.

in which neville makes the reader ride this thigh.

warnings: nsfw, smut, thigh riding, some degradation, dom!nev (lmk if there are more!)

you guys....... i fucking LOVE dom!neville

(edit: omg im getting to all of your requests so late pls forgive me i’ve had a lot going on in my life lately but i’m on that grind rn)

—

it was completely innocent, you see. the timing was bad, you assumed.

you and neville rarely ever fought, as he was never the one for conflict. but, the day before, you had felt like a last priority to the boy. and, maybe he didn’t mean to make you feel like that, but, he did.

so, when you two had screamed at each other for 45 minutes straight in his dorm, and you stormed out, you had decided to give him the silent treatment. and to get your mind off of things, luna had invited you to go to hogsmeade with her and harry.

harry sat in the common room patiently, waiting for your arrival. neville was there as well, because of course he had found out that you had been invited, and he was really hoping that he could try to convince you to not go, and just have a day for you two to make up for his absence the day before.

you finally came walking down the staircase, struggling to fit something into your purse as you did so. because of this, you didn’t notice the gawking stares you were getting from the most of the boys in the common room. neville stared at you, took in your outfit. a tank top due to the warm weather, and a high waisted skirt that showed off the top of your thighs deliciously. you pulled it up a bit, making neville lick his lips in hunger from how fucking sexy you looked.

but, that’s when he realized that he wasn’t the only one staring. and, the realization hit him that you were... punishing him? you? punishing him? you knew damn well that wasn’t how things worked, and on any other day, it would earn a smack on your ass cheek.

“hey, harry! ready to go?” you greeted the boy, zipping up your purse with a toothy smile. he looked you up and down, amazed at the fact that neville longbottom of all people was dating someone that looked like you.

“y-yeah! totally! let’s head out.”

neville stormed over to you, wrapping his hand around your wrist before you could go anywhere.

“we need to talk.” he demanded sternly, his jaw clenched as he witnessed harry practically eye-fucking you.

you rolled your eyes, and snatched away from him. he went to grab you again, but you stopped him with a slap to the wrist. you let out a “hmph!” and walked away with harry, and neville watched as the skirt fit perfectly around your ass.

a punishment definitely had your name written all over it for later.

—

“night, harry!” you waved, smiling at the boy. he waved back, and went up the stairs to go back to his dorm.

you did the same, relieved to finally just be able to relax. maybe, read a book before you fell asleep, or catch up on some journaling. yeah, that sounded nice.

you had a wonderful day. filled with laughs and small conversations between yourself, luna, and harry. you seemed to have completely forgotten about your boyfriend, and the argument you guys had just 24 hours before.

you entered your dorm, your head down to make sure that you locked it back when you stepped in. after your heard the sound of your door locking, you took the small cardigan off that you had brought with you, as the nighttime had made the air much chiller. you hung your purse up near the door, as that was a small system that one of your dorm mates had came up with. you kicked your shoes off, body still not facing your bed.

you went to take your tank top off, until something interrupted you.

“hm.”

the small mutter made you jump, and you turned around quickly to see who the culprit was. of course, it was neville. he sat on your bed, book in hand, and a dark look in his eyes as he stared at you,

you huffed, “what the hell are you doing here? i was changing, you know!”

he chuckled, the small laugh spiteful and low, “don’t stop on my account. it’s not like i haven’t seen you naked before, darling.”

you rolled your eyes, and stomped over towards your bed, “leave!”

he looked up at you, fake curiosity in his eyes. he slammed the book shut, and tossed it on your bedside table.

“why should i?”

you scoffed at him, “because, this is my dorm! and, i honestly don’t want to speak to you! so piss off!”

he found you adorable. your little tough act that you were trying to keep up. he knew it was only a matter of time before you would be wrapped around his finger once again, begging for him to be inside of you.

“you’re not still angry at me are you?”

he knew the answer to that. he just liked to tease you,

“yes! i’m very angry at you, neville! i was having a great day and of course... you come along to make me feel bad when you were in the wrong!”

neville grabbed your thigh as you tried to walk away, his fingers tightening on the sensitive skin, “me in the wrong? i wasn’t the one prancing around in this little skirt all day like a fucking whore.”

the statement made your stomach flutter, and you couldn’t help the blush that raised to your cheeks.

“i know what you’re playing at, petal. and, i don’t appreciate it. do you know how many guys were staring at your ass? staring at what belongs to me?”

the question made your cross your arms, “playing at? i’m not playing at anything, neville. i just wanted to feel pretty today. sorry that you’re angry that other guys find me attractive...”

that fucking attitude. oh god, you were in for it.

neville pulled you down by your wrist, settling you right on top of his lap. you felt his hard cock sticking out from his pants, just waiting to be touched. you couldn’t help but to sigh from the way it felt on your clothed clit.

“watch your fucking mouth, petal. you know i don’t like when you talk back.”

the tone in his voice made your panties dampen, and you tried to look away, avoid his intense gaze, but he quickly turned your face back by grabbing your chin,

“i saw the way harry was looking at you. you wanted him to see your pretty little ass... didn’t you?” he reached his hand up slowly, and caressed your cheek menacingly. you gulped, his dark eyes having a greater affect on you than you’d like to admit.

without warning, the hand that was settled onto the small of your back moved down swiftly, going underneath your skirt, and it came down with a harsh slap to your ass cheek. you whimpered, the burning sensation automatically kicking in.

“how many more slaps do you think you deserve, huh? cause... i think you deserve at least ten more, doll.”

you quickly shook your head, your clothed clit falling victim to his crotch. you bucked your hips up slightly, pleading for more friction.

he looked down, noticing the arousal leaking from your panties, staining his pants. he tsked and shook his head as he studied your desperate attempt to pleasure yourself,

“pretty sluts like you that like to show off don’t deserve my cock... isn’t that right, petal?” he cooed teasing, placing a single kiss on your neck.

“i—i’m sorry... please—“

“no begging. you know what’s coming.”

you sighed, knowing that no amount of pleading would lead you to get your way. you had made him mad, and you knew that there was no getting away with that.

“here’s what’s going to happen, petal. you’re going to get yourself off on my thigh. got it? and maybe... if you’re good i’ll fuck you until you can’t take it anymore. does that sound good?”

you quickly nodded your head, the thought of riding neville’s thigh always being so fun, in the most sinful way possible.

“alright, now be a good girl and do as i say...”

neville began to position himself up against the headboard, as he was not too keen on letting you fall back onto the floor. you waited patiently as he adjusted, beginning to take your tank top off.

he watched as the straps fell, and he licked his lips when he saw your bra covered breasts. he felt his cock twitch from the mere sight of your nipples as you took your bra off, letting it fall to the floor with a small noise.

you reached for the hem of your skirt, but neville interrupted,

“no. the skirt and your panties stay on. it looks too fucking good on you.”

you wanted to protest, as if you were going to do this you wanted to be able to feel all of him. but, you really had no choice. so, you simply nodded and crawled over towards your lovely boyfriend.

he patted his thigh as a sign for you to get on, and you did so shakily, not knowing what to expect.

“move your hips, petal...” he ordered, grabbing them and starting for you, “just like that.”

instantly, that fire in your stomach a-blazed. neville watched as you bucked your hips, trying to desperately not to miss his flexed thigh on your heat. he placed small, teasing kissing along your neck, going down to your breasts, and nibbling on your nipples gently.

you gasped, all the sensations beginning to hit you at once,

“look at my pretty girl, making me so fucking hard. merlin... you’re such a slut...” he breathed out, the movements from your knee cap stimulating him. in times like this, neville almost let the dominant mask slip off, but, he knew he had to keep it on.

“nev—fuck—c-cum...” you stuttered out, that familiar knot in your got trying ever so desperately to come apart.

he chuckled lowly at your state, and the way your eyes were rolling to the back of your head. “please... n—need y-your cock...”

he automatically shook his head,

“i told you, petal... dirty little sluts like you don’t get my cock... you know that already.”

you whimpered, only wanting the sensation of him inside of you, fucking you into oblivion.

as time went by, the urge to release was taking over your whole being. your thighs and hips were aching at this point, and neville as well could feel himself about to cum.

neville placed a sloppy kiss on your lips, “can’t get off, petal?” he teased, a smarmy grin on his face, “i’ll take over for you... even though you don’t deserve it.”

that’s when he held your hips once more, and flexed his thigh to his best ability. he moved you, your whimpers and moans only increasing with every feeling of friction.

“k-kiss...” you muttered, speech shaky and uneven. but, neville knew what you wanted. so, he pulled you in for a heated kiss, his tongue entering your mouth before you could even welcome it.

his cock was aching at this point, and he could feel himself about to release all in his pants.

“cum, flower. i need to feel you cum all over me like a good girl, alright?”

the tone in his voice was all you needed to let out a loud scream, and fall apart right in his arms. your thighs trembled, and neville felt your cum gather all in a pool on his pants. he as well came, a loud groan escaping his lips as your face fell into his neck.

“mhm... you make me feel so good, petal...”

[kissesandcream]

a smol sibling.,

w/ xiao, kaeya, & venti

— • request from anon : being the trio’s younger sibling! (separately)

xiao p1 || kaeya p1 || gn ! sibling ! reader || headcanon format || 1.5k words

; masterlist.,

; a / n - i’ve done xiao and kaeya before, but i had some more ideas so i’m making some more! links above if you’d like to read the others <3

xiao .,

• the other hcs i made for him where general, but here anon specified a younger sibling, so i’ll do that!

• he’s that sibling who’ll pretend ur the most annoying thing on the planet but would do anything for u so much as you ask

• “xiao when u come back could i have some glaze lilies” “get them yourself im the vigilant yaksha not a flower picker🙄” mhm then why did u literally wipe out qingce village’s flower population hm xiao 🤨

• teaches u how to fight!! but he’s not teaching he’s “helping you discover things yourself so you can be a functional person”

• it takes way too much effort to get this man to admit he loves you but you know it as much as he does so it’s okay <3

• cloud retainer has so much dirt on him it’s crazy. if you ever need some blackmail material head over to hers. also you can find some embarassing pictures she’s got a heckton

• verr goldet takes care of u a lot too, xiao’s a great brother and all but he lacks in this department called self care

• idk if you’re mortal or adeptus or half adeptus but if you need to eat and do basic body functions he does not got u covered

• mans would try to raise u on almond tofu until verr goldet bought out a food pyramid and explained about these things called nutrients 

• he also doesn’t understand how important sleep is so,,, “xiao i’m gonna stay up” “yeah sure whatever” passing out two days later “y/N WHAT’S WRONG-”

• yeah verr goldet and the innkeeper guy give him a guide to basic survival talk and all through it he’s glaring at you like why did you never tell me you needed human things to live >:( 

• now that he knows you need sleep, he makes u sleep at 8 pm every night like a grandpa!! good luck trying to get him to stop!!

• are these getting too guardian-like and less sibling-like??? 😭 but that’s the vibes he gives yk!! ur over protective adeptus parent-brother who has no clue how u work but wants to try to understand a little

• in the game u can tell how much more open he gets wit the traveller as friendship levels progress, and if you’ve maxed it out he’d basically do anything for you and would want you to trouble him than yourself

• and he’ll probably be closer with you than he’ll ever be with traveller since you’re siblings and whatnot, so it would make sense that he looks out for you more than your typical older brother yk

• plays the flute for you!! if he hears u humming a tune under your breath he’ll find it and learn it to play for u 

• he may not fully understand how relationships work but he’s trying his best for u <3

 kaeya .,

• my other kaeya hcs were in relation to you being close / living with diluc, but these will be more general and central towards kaeya!

• kaeya fits literally every older brother trope that exists. the brother who’s always got ur back? you got it. the brother who keeps secrets you don’t know about from you? heck yeah. the annoying brother who makes u do his chores for him? maybe a little too much.

• pls he (lovingly) shoves all of his small tasks onto u it’s infuriating but you can’t even say no bc then he gets all dramatic 

• “y/n 😩 you’re abandonning your dear brother like this 😩 how could you 😩 i didn’t know you were so cruel 😩” sir shut up <3

• since he’s a people person everyone knows u very well too, heck all the senior citizens probably voted u as second best in law after him or smth idk man 

• hanging out with best boy bennett!! he canonically sees kaeya as an older brother too so y’all def go on little adventures together <3

• ur one of the only people who have ever looked under his eyepatch, diluc and crepus being the only other two

• sometimes he forgets to take it off when he goes to bed and it leaves a bruise bc it’s pretty tight, so he let’s you change it for him 

• “i can do this myself, you know” well he can but you both know he likes it better when you’re there

• does not allow your closet to be anything less than exquisite, you’ve got a bunch of scarfs like his whether you like it for not

• makes u buy his wine from diluc for him bc every time he goes to the tavern diluc raises the price tenfold just for him

• he’s that sibling who will rile you up on purpose just for the fun of it. i have a cousin who used to do that when he was younger and it was annoying but he still adores me sm so i don’t mind <3

• besides even if he does get on ur nerves amber’s got ur back- you can rant to her about him for hours on end and she’ll add with her experiences with kaeya’s bullying

• what are siblings if not for sibling rivalry, yes he picks on u constantly but he also picks u up when you’re feeling low <3

venti .,

• oh my gods he would be sO FUN

• the two of you are the bane of diluc’s existence, venti loops u into his winery pilfering plans a lot 

• venti pulls the archon card if the two of you get caught by him idk what excuse you’ve got but it better be good 😭

• no way the god of wind and song’s sibling doesn’t love music- even if you’re tone deaf, or hard of hearing, music is about the pleasure it brings and he’ll bring it to you

• you guys go wind gliding a lot of the time too!! y’all don’t even need gliders you’ve got the power of anemo 😎

• he’s that cool brother who’s only rule is that you do whatever you want to do, life is too short for regrets so live in the moment and be spontaneous!

• even though he’s older he seems much younger than you at heart 😭 will wine if you don’t do something for him it’s hilarious

• you’ve got other things to do and he’s just “but hanging out!!!” and ur like “but work!!!” 

• it’s very hard to be productive with him around, he will distract u with something as mundane as an apple- it’s not his fault tho bb just has a poor attention span 😭 

• he’s very clingy, if you’re together he’ll link your elbows like everyone did in sixth grade, and in turn u can kick him in the kneecaps when he does stupid things

• he’s the ceo of stupid things so u get to kick him a lot, it’s a mutal symbiotic relationship we love to see it <33

• my brain is dead and i can’t english rn but. his vibes yk he’s so fun to be around, he gives out surprisingly killer advice too

• i have this man’s teapot lines plastered on my wall bc they help me deal with stuff, so if you’re ever down you can always, always, always go to him and he’ll have the exact things to say

• if it’s words, he has them, if it’s silence you need he’ll lend you his shoulder; but there was never an instance he doesn’t leave you better than before

• you haven’t seen his archon side a lot, since he doesn’t show it all that much, but it’s so far from venti it’s a little scary; but in a sort of admiring way yk

• you guys visit zhongli sometimes, and it’s a free real estate for blackmail material bc of how terrified venti is of him

• zhongli is like that long lost uncle who visits once a year, and you’re his favorite child so he gives you candy and picks on venti for not taking good enough care of you

• “i’m their sibling not their parent” “you’re older have some responsibility >:(”

• if you ever get drunk he will hear about it and will come all the way from liyue to i will have order venti’s head, regardless of whether he was the cause of you being drunk or not

• that about wraps it up! im sure i could think of more but my brain is sorta dead rn so this will have to suffice 😭 i can’t think of a closing statement sO i hope u enjoyed!! bye bye!! <3