#idk what i was going for in this ill be honest
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bruh what is a john or a doe
#forsaken#forsaken fanart#roblox forsaken#forsaken roblox#homicidal porkchops#john doe roblox#john doe forsaken#forsaken john doe#how many tags do i gotta use bruh#idk what i was going for in this ill be honest#this guy's og design is so boring bro. NOTHING on him#WHAT DO I DO WITH THAT dude i tried
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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War
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twst silver#disney twst#digital art#twst fanart#tbh idk if this counts as spoilers but.#twst spoilers#twst chapter 7#twst book 7#I want malleus to go full dragon mode and for silver to have to stop him#i am not immune to their brotherisms#can i be honest I totally forgot to post this a month ago and I just remembered it existed#i can't draw this week so might as well drop it now lmao#i remember after 7.2 dropped i felt physically ill thinking about malleus#YEAH WELL THAT'S WHAT THIS PART DID TO ME#it's the even parts for me
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Call Them Brothers by @wutheringmights / bordado y transfer sobre tela (2008) by Ana Teresa Barboza / הבל | hevel by @/nathanielorion / Serie: Detective Cha is Dead by dir. Kim Cheol-gyu / Serie: Tale of the Nine Tailed by dir. Nam Hyeong Jo & Kang Sin-hyo / Untitled by Liam Cushing / Angel of Grief, grave of Emelyn Story by William Wetmore Story / Serie: Arcane, Episode 7.- Pretend like it's the first time.
#couldn't finish the year without going crazy bonkers over ctb one last time#this is the first webweave where i say “i wanna do something simple” AND I DO IT. CAN I GET AN APPLAUSE#anyways. i know ctb has been haunting you bc it seems neverending#but what. 2 years-ish reading this fic? and frankie ill be so honest sometimes this fic is the only thing keeping me going#like idk. they r always living in my mind rent free is so easy to trigger the part of my brain thats obsessed w ctb#and im glad and grateful that you havent given up on this fucking thing id be heartbroken LOL#this makes it sound like i dont want it to end. i do dont worry every day im praying for you to finish this#and thats all. im rambling. is just that i remembered that u posted this all the way back in 2021#fuckin. ctb warriors#web weaving
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sick of me that my fascination with tozer does stem from him seeing tuunbaq get collins' soul. get haunted tozer
#does one not bring habits#im thinking about him im thinking about him what if i dual poved solittle#also interested to see where this will lead if to anything in terms of like#idk its not like ive never written smut but ive never published anything#i usually prefer fades and like honestly just the build up but never letting the fucking happening BUT ALSO mind#this is all me talking about like middle to high school me its been so long#since ive written in general but fanfic is picking it back up#im only ranting bc to be so honest when i was writing the tobacco fic#ill be real i didnt think hartnell would possess me to kiss (nearly fuck) that old man#and its like idk i love the sexuality of vampires#im not going to worry if hickey is ooc sorry hickey fans he's gonna be what he is in this one
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re my last post unfortunately i think viktor is pretty so he is my weakness in this show. i still do wanna throttle him and jayce though
#me initially w jayce like yay he's latino! aw he's a science guy! oh. oh. oh. oh. hm. hmmmm. ummmm. yes! NOOOO no no.#me w viktor: oh okay. oh why is his voice so cute. why is he so cute. no NO NO I CANNOT NOOOO. aw :D aw :(((#hey viktor what are you going. hey viktor HEY HEY VIKTOR????????#bluebird.txt#imma be honest the whole 'ive become a god i can see through time i can see humanity's weakness' stuff is like yeah yeah yeah 🙄#sure bud that's totally not incredibly basic dumbass shit. like yawn.#also jayce's 'you're beautiful just the way you are' was completely unwarranted and also unhelpful and empty#viktor's leg idk how that happened or if he was born like that but like okay i guess yeah imperfections are beautiful#a la entrapta#but the disease??? the disease caused by the pollution of the undercity?????#another example of them (piltover) ignoring the undercity and condemning them and another example#of the writers seemingly completely forgetting that 100%#but anyways. viktor fuck you i think you're adorable though#i mean maybe ill specify and say s1 viktor cuz s2 viktor is chill until he joins ambessa#the god shit i can excuse bc he said he wanted to make people's lives better and he thought he was#but post ambessa that's just more of me absolutely not even a little bit understanding what any character was talking about#arcane#i need to watch it again or read a wiki for background lore#bc truly i was like what are you all talking about...
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Hmmm.... Looks stupid now... But I think I have something cooking here.... Might be throwing this sketch on the good ol 'puter n see what I can make outta it
(idk why Meryl looks like a 40 year old house wife either idk what's with my style rn but fuck I need to draw her more, giving her ww hair I swear to god)
#trigun#trimax vash#trimax#after couch#idk what this style is ill be honest i was just going n going with it#trying to push facual perspective more#trigun meryl#meryl stryfe#meryl
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i ship inhun in a way that differwnt and more swagful than anyone else btw.
#TBFHHHHH i know i know i knowwww i say a lot. but i dont even ship in in the traditional sense#i dont think it will b canon and i dont rlly WANT it to b canon. its just insane like ZAMNNNNN why r u looking at each other like thatatttt#i dont think that if (IF) inho reveals his identity gihun is gonna magically b like Oh my god… okay well i like u now. more the opposite#and i dont think inho genuinely likes gihun all that much. i think hes obsessed w him in a way that borders on it but. u know#to inho gihun mostly just represents the parts of himself hes locked away. hes like the person inho used to be or cld have been#i think he DOES want whats best for gihun but like. just in his own opinion#to him whats best is to just.. pretend these issues dont exist and move on.#i think being wrapped up in the games is sickening no mattter what side ur on and he knows this. and just wants gihun to forget#i also do think he sees Something special in gihun. but its not like Ahhhh come and rule by my side 😈 LOL#yeah like i said. the recognition of the self. DONT GO DOWN THIS PATH MAN FUCK OFFFFFF#um. also yeah gihun i dont think wld have such a thrn around to like date himmmm oh my god lol#i think its likely hell end up Not killing inho for various reasons and possibly even leaving room for redemption#but yeah i dont think he wld ever trust him even. i dont think he wld let all that slide 😭😭😭#gihun x youngil is bantssss. but not real at all sadly#rhe best fic i read of them was a pre series fic where inho wasnt the front man yet. and he met gihun by chance#and kinda used him to convince himself that what he was doing was right. For The Greater Good etc#i cant remember what it was called but it was sooo good i need to find it sometime#sniff….. living in a sad world where every body mischaracterises them sooooo bad and evil.#THE BEST INHUN CONTENT was the animation of them over the megamind breakup scene. MY GOD#ill be honest. igaf abt their dynamic soooo hard but htemain reaosn i ‘ship’ them is bc theyre both INSANELY FINE. AND I NEED THEM BADLY#and. im obsessed w them separately. so of course they are making out sloppy style in my mind#ill b honest as well i dont think gihun is in the right state of mind for aany of That AT ALLLL rn either.#and as well w inho not being intersted in that way. and also he shot his brother bc it was aconflict of interests. btw.#whatever tho lol the memes and shit r funny as fuckkkkk so idc. keep fucking#anyways sangihun 🔛🔝 for fucking everrrrrer in terms of an actual ship#tho i dont think they wld ever be canon either. well i mean. for obvious reasons#but also bc i dont PERSONALLY think sangwoo wld ever allow himself that. BYE#idk idk idk maybe i am wrong and i know nothing.#SORRY. ik i am fighting invsisible demons again i just saw a post abt Sickos who know Nothing abt the Themes…. NO GUYS.. PROMMY THATS NOT ME
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idek what im doing rn
#yall im gonna be honest#since the beggining of this year#i've been to like half of my classes#literally#i either miss school or something else#like im in the counselor thingy idk what to call it in english its a salle u go to when ur not feeling well#ive been there for three hours#i missed three classes#and the thing is i dont get consequences cuz like its normal for ppl to go there sometime#i have no idea what im supposed to do in any of my classes help#anyways idk if im gonna go to my afternoon classes imma see#its only two and theyre chill so ig ill go#BUT YALL idk what im doing i never go in class#anyways#m00n talks
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I mean this vent completely neutrally and as an observation rather than Woe is Me negativity but going ham in my sketchbook has been Fun but along with not really Learning anything (tho historically no art knowledge ever sticks to my brain) I'm no closer to understanding how I WANT to draw! if that makes sense.
I dont really identify with or want to continue any of the patterns I try (nor do they get any more muscle memory-y, in the fundamentals area).
Its fine as long as its Fun but I really feel the aimlessness. Like I'll keep going but I've also. Been doing that. All I do is Keep Going, when does it all tetris together!
#continuation of this is like. idk how to trust my eyes if im being honest! and im understanding rules but not how to break em#like how i understand that in realistic proportions theres as much space above the eyes than below them on a face#but obviously people draw characters with shorter foreheads/skulls all the time#ive done it too. but it looks Wrong when i do it on purpose. i feel everything i try to do looks unintentionally wrong#idk how to get to the intentional part or what i even want that to look like!#the permanent issue of not knowing what i want it to look like i just know i dont want it to look like this#which is bad bc you shouldnt qualify things by the negatives like that....wagh#im no good at making things from scratch i wish someone wld just draw in my ideal art style already so i cld study it#(jork)#technically i cld do this with urasawa bc like i said thats a dream style right there ill just infuse it with mine#but it Feels wrong#and i know u dont need to have 1 art style forever but i draw one way and forget all the previous ways ive ever drawn#i rly dont understand! i wish we cld share brains with each other so i cld gain understanding of what to do next ykwim#bc ill always keep going i just worry im never going to Get it#that there will always be that bizarre and extreme disconnect between eye and mind and hand#talkys
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i literally dgaf about blade and danheng as a ship whatsoever but i keep seeing ppl talk about their past and misconstruing everything and purposefully misinterpreting the LowkeyHomo Shit they had going on and it kinda drives me crazy like as of right now i understand why u wouldn’t like the ship but tbh if blade was a woman im tellingu right now the romantic implications of their past would not be argued against i think its mostly annoying cus i really like the high cloud quintet and seeeing people be wrong about it makes me angryangry angry
#cheese *blush*#i dont really like many hsr ships in general but like#ill be honest i saw a tiktok of someone being Incorrect about their relationship#i feel like its kinda hard to wanna care about xianzhou lore in general just cus its really kinda confusing at face value#especially the high cloud quintet like idk at least for me i needed to watch a video to understand what was going on#so i guess id get why ppl dont really know all the details#and they kept up bringing the whole marriage thing which if u dont understand where that came from then why even bring it up#they also used hoyo never having gay relationships and only lesbian relationships as proof which is kinda crazy bc#hsr only has 1 canon couple as far as im aware and it is 2 men LMFAO#anyway all this to say ive seen characters shipped for Much Less cough robinhill cough and cn censorship is kind of Evil as days so manidfk
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one thing I love about following celebrities/artists who are honest and proactive about their mental health struggles etc is I can’t count the number of times someone I know is going through something and I’m like ‘I’ve got a song for u’ and how much of my life involves telling myself ‘if [redacted] can do something/get better/etc then so can i’ (and having actual real evidence of it in front of me) and I can’t understate how much I appreciate these things.
but at the same time it involves a whole lot of watching people I care about suffer and you learn to read the signs and infer between the lines in songs and interviews, and yes we can never fully know what they don’t share with us, but when they do share things it’s not a big stretch to be like ‘this seems like it’s what life is like for you and I have taken encouragement from it but you deserve so much better’. and it’s easy to find ways to get angry at a predatory industry and realise things that could be hurtful if you’re already fragile.
and we can advocate for some things and help ourselves and the people around us feel better but it’s hard to meaningfully reach your faves as an individual. and there are things we can’t say on the internet in too much detail, speculation becomes the harmful kind of gossip, and so sometimes it’s a whole lot of internally saying ‘you’re doing incredibly well to have gotten to where you are but I wish for your sake things would get better faster’
#curse and catch 22 (not the song)#I didn’t mean to make this so anonymous as a post but maybe. it’s applicable to a lot of artists. I don’t know#just thinking about how sometimes someone will say something and it’s like ‘oh honey’ if you can see. why they might be saying it#like a glimpse into the top of an iceberg that makes a lot of sense to be there given other things they do and talk about#I feel like we’re in a unique position as a fandom with the way all four of them have been so vulnerable in different ways#and they may not be perfect but imo no one deserves to suffer like that especially for an extended amount of time. but the thing is#sometimes the fans are suffering and so are our faves and people appreciate the relatability and don’t have any basic compassion#or ability to see past their own struggles. with this fandom especially compared to a lot of others I’ve been in and I think I know why#but in the end the way I see it we’ve gotten so much relatable content and encouragement (bc the Finding The Positives Vibes which are ther#and sometimes there’s nothing we can give back apart from being a part of systemic change which all of us deserve for ourselves too#idk if this band is unique in this or I just find them more relatable personally and thus easier to see how hard they’ve worked#on themselves and taking risks in order to be honest. and it reminds me of the quote about how suffering won’t make your art better#healing will. and so imo anyone whose art is really good when they are going through a lot has me thinking. imagine what it’d be like#when life isn’t so hard for you?? or when you’re getting better but it just takes a long time I’m like. you deserve to feel better faster#this all said I’m incredibly proud and I’m not trying to insinuate there’s anything catastrophic going on bc there absolutely isnt#I am not in any way worried. I’ve seen tragedies about to happen and these guys show none of the signs. but I do relate to a lot of tidbits#pertaining to. certain chronic mental illnesses and/or being neurodivergent in an unaccommodating world (don’t ask which)#things I would anticipate would be a lot harder when there’s hordes of often fickle occasionally predatory fans to contend with#sometimes I just think of this idk#celebrities are people#5 seconds of summer#5sos#5sos fandom#cw mental health things
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bruh
#hdkfhsjdjdjdjjd i love itttttttt <3333333 cute#i thought he was ugly as fuck in the trailer but now i already love him#i hope he and capitano have a compelling dynamic and not something super shallow please 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠#i do love his dynamic with citlali im just so over the old ass woman looking very young thing i know its never going away but still#(or is she old idk. what she and xilonen say contradict each other)#also capitanos korean voice is crazy btw LMAO love it#but ill be honest im crying and forcing myself through this bc im so sad i cant play in english#i hope they add the voices after the strike is over so i can play it again on my alt 💔
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Something I didn't really notice until replaying Royal but Ryuji really doesn't let the past hold him down? Like in the rank 2 scene he tells Akira that he doesn't want to focus on his past and he's more focused about the future.
I think that's kinda neat tbh he doesn't wanna let the stuff with Kamoshida or his dad drag him down, he just wants to keep going forward.
#not gonna main tag this lol#it's interesting idk i never noticed this before#look ill be honest with you all im specifically thinking about this in context for my au#i think the contrast between dont let the past hold me back ryuji#vs i will never escape my past and i cant bear the future riku is fascinating#ive been thinking a LOT about their friendship lately i wont lie#i think they could really balance each other out well#riku would just listen to ryuji talk about his struggles with his past if he needed it#and ryuji helps riku let go of a lot of his burdens regarding his and the groups past#riku is running away from the future ryuji is running towards it do you see my parallels#or is this me going “ive connected two dots. you havent connected shit. they're connected” or however that meme goes#idk i just think they would make great friends :']#it would make sense too considering captain arcana is the chariot equivalent of its deck lol so there's bound to be parallels#captain au#<- might as well tag it lol#idk if any of this makes like sense#because im refreshing a lot of what i remember from p5 with this playthrough#but i think ryuji's drive to keep moving forward is really cool and fits well with his arcana!!#ANYWAY DO Y'ALL GET WHAT IM SAYING ABOUR RYUJI jesus i feel like im tripping over my thoughts#but riku/ryuji (platonic mostly but romantic works maybe) is important to me....#hope my ramblings make sense to someone<3 live laugh love <3
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the difficulty of trying 2 explain to ppl that im Not being self deprecating or belittling my mental illnesses when i say something that could be perceived as overly critical towards myself but that thise things actually r true abt me. ppl did die.
#i wrote a whole post trying to explain and then i realized it judt wasnt particularly worth it so i out it in the drafts. so i wrote for#like 20 minutes and all i got is soooo insanely dissociated . can we kill connor im sick of this fucking guy#idk. i wish often incould just project my brain on a wall or sometjing abd ppl would get it and i wouldnt have to explain it#bc everytjing i say even when it sounds crazy or it sounds oike im habing a breakdown its like. its how it actually is its the truth but#nobody ever fucking understands bc i cant. word it in a way that makes it make sense to people#like my most prominent 'delusion' i cant fucking explain it to people bc theyre like Woah thats rly rly rly concerning and sounds like its#rly harmful for yourself to believe that but it literally isnt I have to believe it bc its one of the only things that actually is keeping#me alive but if i ever fucking talk abt it nobody understands it#sometimes it is very scary and it makes me miserable that its true but i know that it is true. ive woken up in terror crying abt it Multiple#times but ik that its true and its a good thing its true bc it means i am alive roght now. as alive as i always am at least#but wtvr. the post wasnt even originally abt that#it was abt dropout stuff and like. yk. bc when i say I dropped out bc i was lazy and whiny ppl think im being mean 2 myself and erasing like#the depression and the ptsd and the Identity shit and the dissociation and the panic attacks and the seizures and grief and stuff#but its like. yes all that also was going on but i also was just lazy. if i wasnt lazy i couldve judt fucking graduated and i wouldnt be#trapped now#<- That is only true for me . ik thats like a stupid thing to say but this is why i cant rlt Be honest abt how i feel abt myself dropping#out is bc i get horrific fucking guilt bc i Was judt lazy and fucking stupid and i Am a bad person for not graduating hs#but that is not true for other dropouts for other dropouts deopping out doesnt mean youre dumb or lazy and it doesnt make you a bad person#but its different for me ik everybody thinks theyre the exception but i am i Am just lazy i am just stupid and its my fault. specifically.#idk i need to go lke slam my head into a wall.#idk what happened i wasnt fucking doing bad and then i made like. a loghthearted post abt sometjing and derailed in the tags and now its#oh i remembered. i tried to sign up for a ged class and encountered 1 obstacle and fucking gave up . God. i loterally havent changed at all#we neeedddd to get rid of connor or at least get a bew one in so fucking sick of being rhe one im so sick of being Connor i dont want it#anymore . head on pike#idk. im fine. im just habing a momey. im.probably judt pissy bc i didnt sleep. maybe ill take an edible
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Need to get on top of whatever dumb fucking inferiority complex I got going on I'm tired of looking at everything about myself and going "Wow I am really sub-par." I know it's 2am but this isn't the midnight thoughts talking this is a fucking persistent curse throughout my day.
#ventings#drew up a really cute sketch and I will be honest I wanna share it at this stage sooo bad but my brain keeps telling me#that my dialogue writing is atrocious. so i guess im keeping this to myself until its lined lol#its going to take so much for me to share it and not go `sorry if this is ass haha..` BECAUSE I DONT WANNA SOUND LIKE IM FISHING#FOR COMPLEMENTS. IM NOT. I JUST GENUINELY DON'T THINK A LOT OF WHAT I COME UP WITH IS GOOD#LOL. LMAO EVEN idk im not even sad about this its kinda just pissing me off. can i not be confident in my works at least once#i think this is why i dont write a lot either. cuz id love to do it more i just constantly think what i put down is complete ass and it#demotivates me. positive comments are nice and i appreciate them sm but then my brain goes back on its bullshit#going to throw up and cry so many talented people surround me and i genuinely do not get what anyone sees in me LOL#like you can follow people who emulate the fnf style better. you can follow people who make better ship art or fics#you can follow people who are funnier. the worst is feeling like everyone around you is a moment away from realizing youre#actually worth nothing and dropping you for someone better at articulating things or who are funnier or are less annoying or#okay i just looked into the invisible camera and gave a toothy smile and a thumbs up to stop myself from crying i think#ive gone far enough into this. im going to bed#sorry everyone who sees this i promise im not normally this much of a sad bitch!#my inhibitions are just lowered cuz im tired and also all of my friends should be asleep rn so im not gonna accidentally#make people feel bad for me cuz of this. gluh. ive got shitpost doodles in the works ill be back to being goofy shortly
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