#idk what came over me that night
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oh my god I missed the anniversary yesterday of when I lost my actual full on whole entire mind when I found out swag was asexual
#idk what came over me that night#i was about to go to bed but i was searching for Archival Content and found a thing confirming he was asexual and i was like ¿¿JDHDIFHWFJ??#and then died#like 18yo me who had just realised she was asexual and therefore made it her entire personality and was in search for the#Canonically Asexual Characters of her Dreams#she would've loved swag but also probably wouldn't have cared bc she had different hyperfixations and probably wouldn't be bothered by tflu#or maybe she would idk#but anyway#yeah that was a good night#it was also the 10th anniversary of tflu idk maybe something was in the air#anyway#ramble#reading back through these tags and realising this is actually incoherent i haven't actually formed a proper sentence but i can't be#bothered to correct it. pretend i spoke fluent english
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the sun's embrace
some progress pics and a comparison with the greek mythology klapollo i drew in december 2023
#ace attorney#gyakuten saiban#klapollo#apollo justice#klavier gavin#kyodoroki#i pretty much drew the entirety of this in one night..#idk what came over me but hey i like how it turned out#also i tried a new method where i didnt zoom in as much so i wouldnt get too caught up in tiny details#i think it really helped with composition and made the process more fun ^^#art#my art
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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child god of the flesh and body-less child god place a terrible curse upon the land sealing the fate of the people in it for centuries to come, lest someone remembers what was forsaken
#the owl house#platinum bones#king clawthorne#the collector#toh collector#eyes#blood#samsa´s art stuff#idk what came over me last night but idk. horroors ur platbones
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My high school did a yearly poetry recitation contest (Poetry Out Loud), so Oh Boy do I know some poems. My favorites are Ozymandias and "the world is about to end and my grandparents are in love," by Kara Jackson. Also in 8th grade we had a Poe unit and had a class contest to make the best music video of the Raven, so I still know a good chunk of that.
i hadn't heard of the kara jackson one! just read through it and enjoyed it, particularly these lines > 'grandma returns to her love like a hymn, marks it with a color. // when the world ends will it suck the earth of all its love? /will i go taking somebody’s hand, / my skin becoming their skin?'
#taking this as a challenge to see how much of ozymandias and the raven i can remember. no i'm not bored at work what gives you that idea#i bet ive got most of ozymandias. the raven may be a lost cause#i met a traveller from an antique land / who said: two vast and trunkless legs of stone / stand in the desert. near them on the sand /#half-sunk a shatter'd visage lies whose frown / and wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command / tell that its sculptor well those passions read#...something or other i do not recall / the heart that mocked them and the heart that fed / and on the pedestal these words appear /#my name is ozymandias king of kings / look on my works ye mighty and despair /#nothing beside remains. round the decay / of that colossal wreck . something or other#the lone and level sands stretch far away#decay of that colossal wreck indeed (my memory for this poem)#oh well.#once upon a midnight dreary as i pondered weak and weary / over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore /#while i nodded nearly napping suddenly there came a rapping / as of someone gently tapping tapping at my chamber door /#tis some visitor i muttered tapping at my chamber door / only this and nothing more#?? (it's downhill from here)#ah distinctly i remember it was in the bleak december / and each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor /#something?ly i sought the morrow / vainly had i sought to borrow / from my books surcease of sorrow / sorrow for the lost lenore /#for the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels .name lenore / lost to me forevermore#(then there is another stanza; bird-infested word bonanza / which i used to know at some point but do not know anymore /)#something something something door. darkness there and nothing more#oh it's the 'silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain / thrilled me filled me with fantastic terrors never known before' bit#anyway. deep into that darkness peering something stood i hoping fearing / doubting?? dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before#but the silence was unbroken and the stillness gave no token / and the only word there spoken was the whispered word lenore#(more missing chunks)#oh i remember 'surely said i surely that is / something at my window lattice' because it's such a stupid rhyme#bird time bust time idk#ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore / tell me what thy lordly name is on the night's plutonian shore /#a billion more stanzas i dont remember. except for 'prophet!' said i 'thing of evil! prophet still if bird or devil!#whether tempter sent or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore /' etc. wait you can only add 30 tags to posts now?? i had more raven chunks#ask#anon
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wiress with cats.
#that’s it that’s the post#im kidding i’m going to rant in the tags now#wiress had a cat before her games who was a descendant of the cat her mother had. basically there’s a whole family tree for these cats.#and when her cat dies after she wins the cat already had three kittens.#beetee has beef with these cats. like i’m not kidding. the first time he came over and met them the original one scratched him#and he never got over it#wiress realizes that her cats literally hate him after a while and sits them down (the cats and beetee) for her version of an intervention#on one side are the cats and on the other is a grown man. they are both glaring at each other.#then wiress just leaves them there. like straight up just walks out.#beetee is very skeptical he doesn't think him staring at three cats who are glaring at him is going to solve their rivalry#and wiress is just like trust me on this and honestly beetee is just curious at this point. skeptical but curious.#(it works. beetee never questions wiress’ problem solving techniques again.)#the cats stop scratching him which in itself is a miracle. now it’s only when wiress turns away and they go back to glaring at each other.#idk something abt a guy who’s usually practical having beef with cats is really funny to me#also once they start dating and wiress starts spending the night at beetee’s house i feel the cats are like#“stop stealing mom” “where did mom go” “what did you do to her” and so now the cats hate beetee again.#it’s a vicious cycle#atlas (the first victor from three) also has cats but. he has like twenty. there’s so many cats. beetee is surrounded.#(he’s a dog person. he has never told wiress this. he’s kind of scared to.)#anyway i’m done#i promise i can be normal#sometimes#wiress#wiress thg#the hunger games#thg#district 3#beetee latier#dayne’s wiress thoughts (TM)#dayne’s beetee tag
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life update: fred figglehorn videos have really good b&bh animatic potential. also I hc his mom’s voice as butt-head’s mom
#MOOM ITS TIME FOR ME TO GO TO SCHOOL#FRED. LAST NIGHT I DRANK A LOT OF BEER AND NOW I HAVE A BIG HANGOVER MY HEAD HURTS. JUST WALK TO SCHOOL#MOM I CANT WALK ITS NINE BLOCKS!#DONT BE LAAAZYYYYY#(screaming)#(later)#OH MY GOD I GOT DETENTIONNNNN#THE TEACHER SAID ITS GONNA GO ON MY PERMANENT RECORD AND IM NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO GET INTO ANY GOOD COLLEGES#AND I WANTED TO BE A PEDIATRICIAANNN😭😭😭😭😭😭#idk what came over me sorry#shit made me cry laughing as a kid#and now if im gonna be real with yall
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THE CAGED LITTLE BIRD AND THE CLOSED DOOR — ♡
a/n - something came over me, so here’s some yandere iori nonsense. no one requested this but if i didnt write it i was going to explode. we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming soon
iori suiseki
“hm…”
a disapproving hum rings out behind you, making you freeze in place. the door was slightly open, and you were so, so close, somehow managing to convince yourself that with the mostly empty house, you’d be able to leave, at least for a little while. you should have known better, really, since he always seems to know what you’re up to.
your heart races in your chest as he slowly walks forward. you can’t seem to look behind you, but you know exactly what kind of face he’s making. your hand slightly falls off of the door now that there’s less than an inch of space between you two. his left hand pushes the door shut with a click while his right snakes its way around your chest, landing on your shoulder. he holds you close, and you wonder if his strong arm can feel how hard your heart is beating.
“you wanna leave?” he asks you this simple question in a seemingly innocent tone. you don’t know how to answer. it’s been a long time since you’ve seen anyone, but it isn’t all that bad – you enjoy all of the time you spend with the rest of AKYR. playing games with the younger ones, laughing alongside everyone, listening to them bicker against zen’s request, having intimate moments with iori… you do consider them family, just as much as they do with you. could you leave that? did you even want to leave that?
“…you sure, __?” his voice drops low near your ear as his hand tightens around your shoulder. it’s nearly a threat. he’s holding you as close as he possibly can, something he’s always loved doing. you had initially thought he was someone unreachable, someone you’d always look at from behind, until your relationship deepened. maybe he was just holding himself back, but he fell as hard as he could. soon enough, you were always by his side, and he made sure of it. you talked to others less and less, especially your friends and family. surely they were worried about you, but that didn’t matter anymore. you were attached to his hip anyway, so the natural next step would be for you to move in. you didn’t leave, at least not without him.
“ah, well…” you needed to say something. he was waiting.
“no, i just… wanted fresh air.” you gave him a half-hearted response. it wasn’t a total lie. sure you could leave, but how far you could get was another question. he would move heaven and earth to keep you by his side, and would stack as many bodies as possible if it meant you would never leave him.
“did you forget where the garden was or something?” he chuckles and loosens his grip a little. he backs away slightly and turns you around, forcing you to look at him, keeping his hands on your shoulders. he’s smiling, but his stare is intense. you breathe deeply, and give him a small smile.
“no, i didn’t. i’ll go there.” you wait a moment, and add in an apology to hopefully lighten the mood.
“…sorry.” he grins wider at it, his eyes crinkling.
“good, good~!” he laughs again while patting your head. once he stops, his hand moves to your cheek, gently rubbing it with his thumb. he looks you in the eyes. you better not even think about going near this door again. he leans in and gives you a sweet kiss on the lips, an action totally opposite to his current mood. your face heats up at his sudden affection.
“you’re really cute, you know?” he smiles again as he stares, almost lovingly, at your flustered face.
“…even when you don’t listen.” he adds that part in quietly, his expression darkening for a brief moment. his moods would change as quickly as they came.
“c’mon then!” he backs away and grabs your wrist, looking happy again. you can’t tell what he’s feeling. is he mad at you? will he hopefully forget about it?
“let’s go upstairs.” you got your answer as he starts to drag you away.
it seems like he was determined to convince you to want to stay, one way or another.
#paradox live#paradox live x reader#paralive#iori suiseki#akyr#something came over me saturday night so i knew what i had to do in the morning#is it obvious who my fav is. is it. guys#maybe i'll do a part 2 of this. or extend/rewrite it into a multichapter. idk
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dear gods i adore horror tbh but i am way too sensitive to it
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#idk how to describe 'sensitive' rn i'm dying in the head i should be asleep but Man!!!!!#i search up tons of horror stuff for funsies. movies uhh creepypastas stories real life events etc. fun!#BUT it freaks me out wayyy too much. bcs i really don't deal well w Those feelings of paranoia.#my imagination too good i was scared at night going to sleep bcs i'd imagine what to do if an intruder came in from the bedroom door#or bathroom door and think of how i'd escape Death.........#Did Not Help my area before was kinda yk. chillax. chillax meaning grassy tree-sy backyard overgrown trees#old-ish in a filipino chill neighborhood that isn't very fancy ?????? idk.#and the fact one time my dad almost died and someone standing close to him Did die so. haha. traumatized from that.#I WASN'T THERE..... but i rmbr my dad coming home and the news absolutely terrified me. anyway!#wow... rambling on tumblr at 3 and a half am... Nostalgic.#anyway yeah i love love love horror stuff but i am !!! so bad w them !!! like jesus christ i adore resident evil and bloodborne#is my whole bloodline. or something. but i can't even watch my twin kill 1 zombie in a re game Demo (she can't do it either)#and i can only make it to killing the first monster in bloodborne and explore a tiny bit where there are still no enemies. god.#AAAGGGGHHHhhhh ... and the first point of horror in omori then i stop playing for months...... even tho i rlly wna play more :((#2024 ........ cmon... i will try to overcome my fears more.#i've improved somewhat at least! ...from when i was younger. like. man. i could never stay in night-time in games ever.#ffxv? nah i always have to travel at morning. only when i got strong enough that daemons were nothing to me did i stop#getting scared. ouuughhh... and i always try to be stealthy in games........... for many reasons ofc but 1. Scared#okay i shut up now. apollo rambles of tonight: done and over!
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YALL A GIRL BOUGHT ME A DRINK YESTERDAY AND I GOT HER NUMBER!!!!
#oni talks#thoughts#idek what else to tag this as but like#raaahhhhbim so excited and happy!!! we swapped Spotifies too and she even asked my sign#also we’re getting together again this Friday! also I’m technically supposed to find other stuff for us to do but im indecisive/unsure what#All she’d like yet?? also I wore like 6inch heels and barely came up to her height#she was so nice and cool!!! and we’re in the same/similar situation!!#also she actually takes some level of initiative which like idk if yall have noticed but that’s lowkey RARE AS FUCK#my one regret that night (aside from the man that broke my purse) is that I forgot what artist she asked me about#it’s funny I was originally gonna leave early but then she appeared!!!#I don’t wanna be TOO hopeful bc it’s early but like!!! I have so many activity ideas!!#also this is really hammering in that I desperately need to clean and organize my place omfg#coz how tf am I gonna invite her over for shit if it’s like this aahhh#also I hope she likes the music I sent/is on my account aahh#she texted me as soon as she left that she wanted to hug me and I just AAAAHHHHHH
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anyways in 2019/2020 i went on a rampage on eurovision youtube regarding lena and maNga (nothing too wild, i was 18, but mainly just calling them out on being plain delusional and then getting called racist in return) and i still get salty maNga stans replying years later and its honestly so pathetic the more time goes by. grow up. get a hobby. who the fuck cares. you found my four year old comment and you decided to argue back.
#if you don’t know lena won 2010 for germany but turkey came second#quite a few turkish fans seen to not want to let this go and will basically bully any lena stan they see.#you see one of the biggest things re the eurofandom ebu aside is some stans do Not understand opposing music tastes#so what if someone prefers a generic swedish pop song over a balkan ballad they have a right to enjoy whatever#you’re not better for liking balkan ballads#for me sometimes they hit but often they don’t#balkan bangers on the other hand mostly hit#so what if someone prefers ukrainian folk to idk… hard rock#its in their right#nothing is essentially wrong#and so what if someone fucking enjoys joke entries#i fuvking LOVE congratulations by silvia night#not that this matters but commenting on my four year old comment about a fourteen year old victory is pathetic#get a life and go touch grass#in fact i wanna comment that but its better if i don’t respond#but yeah#they’re delusional and i hate them and by god just fucking leave me alone#it is a sure fire way to tell the off season has started#but honestly idk what will even happen next year im trying to not think about it#also maNga was great but they were not robbed lmao#also their stans are annoying mostly and maNga i think are whack politically? not that i care#eurovision#eurovision 2010
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.
#this girl was joking about another girl in my batch fasting on karvachauth for her boyfriend and it was the light jokes so it was okay#but then she said why is she doing it her caste is completely different from his her parents would kill her#and that how college relationships are only for time being until you're in college and you're there for each other's support#and that nothing in college couples is that serious and they may turn out just good friends in future#and there's no reason to worship your love because it's just 'casual'??!!#ive so many feelings and a little heartbreak#ive already tried thinking about future but you know it 2ould just spiral me and thinking tha ahead doesn't make sense know#logically speaking she's right that we can go through SO MANY changes during the college years and no one knows anything ahead#but idk like i love him its not just oh im in college and ive got a boyfriend to get my nights busier and go on silly pretend dates#i didn't date anyone for nineteen years because i just wouldn't date anyone#its just surprising me as well how i came here so clueless and how everything led to each other and then into us#and i don't say stuff like marriage and kids because that's too huge. just too huge right now to think off#and that's also a way of keeping myself humble#and i would love love love to think about a future too not just yet it's too quick and im okay understanding everything rather than diving#but what she said. is so um its messing with my brain#ofc im not letting it over weigh me not at least from a person who's with multiple seniors#sends all her money to her so called youtuber bf#and goes to private places with some other guy#who's in everything for casual#but i don't know what im supposed to do with it right now#playing around my head#or maybe i should just trust the process
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i should've definitely kept that last post in drafts for revising but i have 💫no chill💫
anyways, i changed it a little and im sure i will do it again in the future 😂
#idk what came over me last night#i never really think about Oliver and blood#for me is more like#Oliver and shadows#him being afraid and embarrassed of his shadow#i think a lot about his dreams#sorry *nightmares#and they always very sad but never really violent#but there's always this atmosphere#like a promise of violence#like he's afraid of snapping#like he's keeping himself tied with a leash about to break#this feels like the complete opposite#there's no monster about to strike#is one of the first dreams that he enjoys#he finds relief#is not even a nightmare#but is definitely nightmarish#i felt like i needed to write it or i would forget
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my sister is currently doing her nightly *douse myself in water for 5 mins despite it leaving PUDDLES EVERYWHERE BTW and then spend 20 mins applying imported skincare i spent all my money on* in SILENCE sans any form of music meanwhile she walked in on me having a party of one (1) at myself in the bathroom mirror to set it off of all things. it's a bit funny that we are related by blood
#she just looked at me with my hands still doing some dumb dance gesture and went 'what.... are you doing' SO UNIMPRESSED LIKE#mortifying but i had fun. was literally just jamming for a good 20 mins like acting out every song in the mirror#not even taking my make up off or anything like that no just pure vibing. and i think im in the right here#and then she spends a MINIMUM half hour EVERY NIGHT on skincare which is fine i WISH i had that dedication#but she does it IN SILENCE I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW WE'RE RELATED#my sister: even though im writing my thesis atm for my masters in chemistry im still excited for my dentistry degree i just got accepted on#me earlier today to my mum: LETS SEE IF I CAN FAIL MACROECONOMICS THREE YEARS RUNNING <3333#it's a bit funny it's a BIT funny#we are just such different people in EVERY facet of our lives even the tiny things idk IT'S A BIT FUNNY#can u see how i got the shit kicked out of me from watching fleabag. can you see it#we did however sit on the sofa together just now and i was lying on it first#but she wanted to show me a dress so she came over and i didnt want to get up so i lifted my legs as a joke#expecting her to be like 'sod off and make room' but she literally just scooted under and had my legs on her lap and her arms on my legs#and yes it's v casual v mundane but we've never really... had that? like we are NOT physically affectionate at all#we're not affectionate FULL STOP let alone physically#idk it was nice. i was hyperaware of literally every single part of me bc it's still so new but. it was nice#i used to get really hung up on our differences but now i do genuinely find it funny more often than not#('used to' i mean last year. literally a few months ago. we move)#hella goes home
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PFFFFF i’m watching my vids from my concert last night and i rly said “ik all the lyrics and i’m abt to make it everyone’s problem” 😭😭
#this is a sincere apology to anyone who was anywhere near me last night#idk what came over me#i swear i’m usually quite good at containing the feral animal inside of me that just wants to SCREAM slovenian words i don’t understand#joker out#joker out glasgow
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It's that "spend hours sobbing my eyes out in bed for several reasons, including but not limited to the fact tomorrow is Monday, the fact my social battery has been completely drained and won't recover anytime soon, the fact my landlady is due to show up tomorrow evening and will likely piss me off again, the fact I've had the urge to write since Friday and ended up not writing even a single fucking word, the fact exam pressure keeps rising and I still don't know what to do with my life after I'm done with school, and the fact I'm both completely overwhelmed and so terribly lonely at the same time" kind of Sunday evenings
#I'm so fucking exhausted. both mentally and emotionally#I spent the night at my grandma's and then my friend came over and spent the night the following day#and I don't count it as a day off unless I don't go anywhere or see anyone#so you could say I didn't really have a weekend#idk how I'll go to school tomorrow. I think even one person talking to me would make me fucking explode#and yet. despite all that. I feel completely alone#because no one I know irl can provide me with the comfort I so desperately need#spending time with people is all a big distraction from my depressive thoughts#and the second everyone leaves.. I feel more alone than ever. so completely and utterly lonely#I try to fill the void with my imagination. lose myself in my oc verse. and it helps sometimes#but when I'm not feeling particularly inspired or can't some up with anything good... I just end up feeling worse than I did before#everything I do is to distract myself from my mind because the second I'm left alone with my thoughts..#they go to a very dark place very quickly#like now. when my wrists itch and I can't stop crying and know full well that I'll go to bed in a few hours wishing to never wake up#and I'm left with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest. aching for arms to fall into and a shoulder to cry on#despite knowing it's not something I'll ever have#so I grit my teeth and bear it and hold on. for whatever reason#I don't know why I haven't give up yet. it's all arbitrary reasons like 'my friends would be sad if I was gone'#even in matters like these all I end up worrying about is what other people would think. not my own feelings#well. nobody has anything to worry about concerning me anyway. I'm too much of a coward to do anything#if I wasn't I wouldn't have lived to see my 14th birthday#and yet 4 years later I'm still here. wishing for an instantaneous way out that didn't involve me raising a hand against myself#because I really don't know how long I'll be able to take all this for. I don't have much left in me#I'm holding on by a thread. one too close to snapping. I'm scared of how few reasons I can come up with to keep going#I don't see a future ahead of myself. no college or uni or job or relationship or anything that might be worth staying around for#any attempts to imagine what life would be like after graduation are just.. dark and bleak and empty#I haven't got a single clue what I'm going to end up doing. maybe that's why I see so little worth in trying to figure it out#nothing in this world will make me truly happy. I don't have a future#and if I don't have a future... I don't have any reasons to stick around any further#if only I wasn't so much of a coward
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