#idk though don't really wanna get diagnosed

[crime-soncloud]

Half the time it's like:

Oh I'm so happy to have friends that like me and care for me, I'm really smart, I'm able to get by in life well, I have so many goals, I'm great and life is fantastic! I am a good personm

The other half of the time:

Oh... I am shit. I am not liked, people put up with me, I have no real life skills, I cannot focus, I am a disappointment, and I shouldn't try. I suck

... What do you mean that's not normal? Whats NPD? (/Silly)

Anyway I need to make a blog purely for making me feel better. Just constant talking about how cool I am. Need to remind myself that I am a good person and that I have friends.

[amphibifish]

sometimes i think i might have autism

[balteredsworld]

wilson’s hypothesis. gregory house

🥼🩺 | according to wilson, house likes you and you like him. so, house confronts you with wilson’s hyposthesis.

masterlist: greg house n all

warnings/tags! fluff of sorts, angst if you squint, talks of self-sabotage, idiots in love, sherlocked reference!!! (just watched 8x18—house self-sabotages so bad my lord)

author's note: lowkey hate this but it's idk what're we thinking fellow ducklings???

"wilson thinks i like you," house airs.

you throw him a strange glance.

"crazy, right?"

"yeah? and you think i like cameron," you mimic, matching his dismissive detachment to comedic effect.

only, house is serious.

“no, wilson thinks i like you.” house ignores your joke, repeating wilson’s solemn hypothesis.

when you pause to look at his face, your mind goes off into complete nonsense like's just tipped you over and left you with internal bleeding in your brain, upon the realization that he does, in fact, mean those words he's telling you.

"what makes him say that?"

"i'm apparently connecting with you,” house indulges, relaxing into the cold bit of wall behind him. the moonlight hits him in a more subtle way, half hidden in the shadows. the blue of his wrinkled shirt melts into the glow it radiates.

you're not particularly sure what to say. thankfully, he elaborates.

“you share your food with me, i take your food, ergo it means something in wilson's romantic world,” house offers, before quickly dismissing the thought of his supposed feelings for you. "but you know wilson, he's always been a romantic. thinks he can diagnose emotions as easily as diseases."

you consider the argument, "well couldn't that just mean i can't finish my food and you don't wanna get your own?"

he squints at you, as if with drills for eyes. you're playing dumb, unless you really believe that. but you don't.

you clear your throat, "well, do you believe that?"

"well it's either that or i must obviously like you."

you gawk. "well, do you?"

"do i have to spell it out for you?"

"wilson had to," you snark back. "so, do you?"

"no," he says with a flat face.

something in your chest drops, just as your brows shoot up. "no?"

"no," he reaffirms.

you don't know if you manage to catch your frown. house doesn't say anything if you didn't. you're more than a little embarrassed, surely flushed. you're thankful that the two of you are under the dim veil of night.

"well good thing," you grumble.

house looks at you with a curious look, as if he was almost offended you would say that. "good thing?"

“we’re both lonely. lonely means self-sabotage,” you explain, fiddling with one of the main trinkets that line the ledge. you were sure you proving your point, coming up with an off-putting rationale to cover up your embarrassment. "two self-saboteurs, well, that's an equation with proven unresolved issues... so yeah, good thing."

you were internally cringing at the words you were spitting out, but you were trying to play it cool. it's something that's never worked in your favour though when you were near an attractive guy, and you always swore this was to make them repulse the inkling of interest. and you swore off doing this years ago, but the blunt rejection, if you could call it that, sprung the teenager out of you.

then again, house affects you like that. blue eyes and blue shirt and all.

he makes it no secret that he's a ladies' man, often hitching hookers into the hospital despite cuddy's gentle parenting to make him stop. but house does whatever he wants in the hospital, hence all the lawsuits you've had to deal with.

when you look at him again, he's somehow uncharacteristically quiet. you're unsure if his speculative eyes are because of a lightbulb moment, but one thing's for sure: he was thinking.

"you're thinking, aren't you?" you glean in a tilt.

house doesn't say anything, but turns away from you. when he does, you're unsure if you see his lip curl in disappointment—he hides it too well. some part of you hopes, but you know you're not his type. a bit too much like him in the overanalyzing and overthinking.

and maybe you're convincing yourself, but realistically speaking, your happy arrangement of sharing food in the middle of a hospital shift may work for lonely and misery, but not for anything else. two people who like self-sabotage is like a dumpster fire.

you'd rather have house like this, happy and alarmingly blue.

"aaand you've stopped listening. i shall take that as my cue to leave," you announce, hopping off the ledge in the same ginger fashion you had waltzing in.

when you land your feet, house airs his deduction, nodding along as if he was finally making sense of you and wilson’s hypothesis. 

“maybe he’s onto something.”

you turn to him with a tinge of a worrisome brow. 

“who knows? maybe i’ve been sending subtle signals that even i’m not aware of. so what do you think?” he croons his head, all ominous, arriving to a conclusion. you can practically see the cogs turn in his brain. “you like me.”

"i never said that.”

house looks at you, rising in a smooth motion, as if to showcase his towering height, forcing you to look up at him. sitting down, he's not so large, but now, all you can think is that he's tall.

"you might not, but your body does," he croons, dangerous smirk playing about his face. his eyes probe your face, confidently with a proven theory. "pupils dilated..."

house grabs your wrist, eyes practically lighting up in delight at his impending diagnosis.

"…and pulse elevated. i understand that wilson thinks that love's a mystery to me, but the chemistry's incredibly simple," he says, softening his grip on you.

house doesn't let go, lingering in this proximity, leaning closer like some ghost and spirit you'll always look for. your breath hitches, but house doesn't afford you time to quite think, capturing your lips in a kiss that you reciprocate, clutching onto his arms for balance.

you feel one of his hand snake to the nook of your back, pushing you flush against him. house keeps his other hand cupping your cheek and jaw, large enough to cover that expanse of your face. it's a little dry and rough, but you don't mind, all too preoccupied with his lips.

house makes good work on you. his lips are even better than you'd imagine, but you finally register his words and what you were doing, so you pull away. the furrow of your brows returning, apprehensive about his next words.

you whisper, “i thought you didn't like me.”

"i was lying," he shrugs. "i needed to see if i was right, and i was."

"so you figured me out?"

"you like me,” house concludes, triumphant. “i was right.”

“i thought this was wilson’s hypothesis?” you cock a brow.

“hypothesis,” he nods before flicking your head. “but i can’t give him the credit for my diagnosis.”

you let out an airy laugh, relieved that he didn't make you spell it out for him. "you're an ass, you know?"

his eyes are proudly heralding trumpets. you could practically hear the victory going off them.

"it comes with the sitting arrangement."

[leslie057]

rating things owned by nancy elizabeth wheeler

because she’s got a lot of little things. mostly they are very cute and strange little things.

starting off strong we have the prettiest tissue box in the world. 9/10, i think if i were sick it would make me feel better to have such a nice tissue box.

i’m fairly certain this is her diary beside it because her diary looks pink in the upside down version of her bedroom. so this is probably it? 11/10, i want to read it so bad. and very sweet pic with mom—7.5/10.

next up these pinstripe pants !! 10/10 i love them so much. oh and the index finger ring is there obviously, 8/10, such a consistent piece of her character.

a ribbon for being the bestest girl ever in the world. 10/10. also the card of cardinals: 6/10, probably just a christmas card or something rather than a symbol of her love for birds. but i still like it.

mr rabbit gets 11/10 for the name alone. and why does he look dead. i love him. he’s me.

descent from xanadu: QUITE LITERALLY 0/10. at first i was SO excited to cheer her on for reading a sex and drugs book at school but as it turns out? bizarre and gross. seems to go heavy on nonconsensual stuff. i snagged a free pdf and command f’d for whore and bitch. lots of results obviously (one use of c*ck crazy bitch…lovely). it seems men in this book say a lot of sexist stuff that the women pretend to hate but love which i can’t imagine is great for a teenage girl to consume. also just not sexy at all.

literally so bad, and this is not the worst of it.

sooo bad. the author was what 70 (??) writing that his female character got clinically DIAGNOSED with being a slut for every guy she comes in contact with. i know options for sexy literature were probably limited at this time but…please go check out something else. i wanna bonk her on the head with this book (paperback) and hug her. you don’t need to read this to be cool and sexually aware. moving on.

on the other side of that, the blondie calendar gives us a sense of the GOOD media she’s consuming!! a 10/10 no questions asked. we don't really get to see many of her hobbies or interests outside of investigation so this is a much appreciated detail.

of course like all good things in life the blondie calendar does get replaced. its replacement is what i will call Weird Antinaturalist Art Piece #1 seen in her room in s4. i give it a 4/10 because idk what’s going on really.

and here is a very crunchy screencap of Weird Antinaturalist Art Piece #2 from s4 which i will give a 5/10. note the boyfriend typical photography above it, for sure a 10/10.

there is also Weird Antinaturalist Art Piece #3 which gets an 8/10 because i like the composition and the piano player. where did she get this and why. interior decoration is her passion.

the sleeping bag and crochet pillow setup. 7/10. would take a cat nap here.

pluto!! 15/10, the best mickey mouse character i would say. i hope her cousin is taking good care of him.

bulletin board 10/10. i love how obvious it is that she has had this up for forever. probably a nice constant in her life.

and my favorite pic up there is this precious one. look at herrr. 5000/10.

her floral weekender bag. 6/10, i like it, but not as much as i like the speedwalk and the toss into the backseat. she was SO ready for her lab takedown road trip.

trapper keeper is a 9/10 because they probably put anything and everything on trapper keepers back in the day and yet still she chose this lovely understated hot air balloon. elegant.

tom cruise poster is 1000000/10 actually. she is so loyal to that man. actually though not a great pic of him all things considered so maybe i give it a 999999/10. (i love it so much because i know for a fact that jonathan byers works proactively to never acknowledge this poster, because he is more mature than that.) (he is not more mature than that, in fact he is a little pouty about mr cruise.)

KITTY FIGURINE. 10/10. i thought it was just in s4 but i found it on her other nightstand in s1. very very adorable. i imagine it is now one of the first things she sees in the morning (well that and her blue telephone: 8/10) which is bizarre and cute. the mixtape drawer gets a 10/10 for reasons that i don’t think i need to get into.

white fingerless gloves! 10/10. so chic for monster hunting.

black fingerless gloves from s4. hmmm 3/10, they're cool i guess but they don’t feel very nancy and the white ones are so much better. especially because you may get the splatter effect of monster blood on them in a battle scenario, which would be badass.

piggybank (with her name on the side). 2/10 unfortunately i don’t like him. he looks at me like i took out his whole pig village and i just need some quarters. also did she paint this herself? in that case, 3/10 for customization lol.

pastel underwear drawer: 10/10. her committment to the hollistic aesthetic and color palette of her room is impressive here. it was a good idea to use this drawer as a deterrence against her little brother and a money hiding place but clearly he has no manners and is a THIEF.

STRIPED SOCKS. 10/10. i realize it's hard to see because she's moving so fast (slow down he is not going anywhere) but they are indeed stripey even though i would have guessed solid white. and wow what good sleeping socks. stripes are just cozier. hope she got lots of sleep in those.

[lowkeyrobin]

Hellooo, I was wondering if you could do MCYT with an S/O who has ADHD? (Mostly hyperfixates on horror games, etc.) I personally have a bad habit of walking around till my legs are sore (my leg has been sore for the past three days please help I can't get rid of this energy ahh-) and how MCYT would react to that/stop Y/N from. Doing that lol

HELP THIS IS SO REAL BAHAHHAHABA ; thank you for the request 🫶🫶 ; sorry if anything seems a little wrong, I'm kinda looking into if I have adhd but obv idk and I'm not diagnosing myself, but I obviously am not diagnosed so I don't know the full ins and outs and I know it's a spectrum, so uh yeah 👍 hopefully I did good lol

MCYT ; ADHD shenanigans

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu & quackity

warnings ; language

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he'll walk into your stream, sit down, look at your screen, then blankly stare at you when he realizes what you're playing

"Dude. are you streaming FNAF again?"

you nod with a smile "yupppp"

he spends the rest of your stream talking to chat and trying to scare you more

you're just talking about the lore and shit and he's loosely hanging onto it LMAO

if you're just like pacing around the house he'll look up at you like "bro you okay?"

will genuinely join in as well, he's always got the energy

he doesn't mean to enable like hurting yourself to a point, but once he realizes he is kind of enabling it he'll immediately stop

"sit down, here, skip leg day for once, focus on those noodle arms of yours"

"says you! the fuck?"

RANBOO

let's you rant about your fixations and the lore and whatnot

I mean they won't deny that the Blair Witch Project video game is really good

they even buy you posters of the Blair Witch Project movie and video game (we don't talk about the movies after the first...)

even gets you merch off the official game site too (if that exists? I'm not sure istg there was merch tho)

they start to get a little fixated on it too considering they love hearing about the lore and theories from you and stuff

they even play it on stream and dedicate it to you

"thanks for the content y/n"

when you're running through the house, he'll race with you for a while before finding some other ways for you to release energy without making yourself sore

at one point he just gives you coffee that way you'll crash and burn after a few hours

I mean at least you don't feel like your legs are about to pop off your body

FREDDIE BADLINU

invested in the resident evil lore because of you

"I saw this and thought of you" AND ITS A LEON KENNEDY EDIT LMFAOOO

I mean yeah

loves hearing you rant about the games and everything, he could listen to you talk for hours

when you're all strung up on energy he also enables it without realizing at first

when he can tell it's more than just being energetic he'll help you find ways to calm down

if need be, he'll read to you, instant sleep I swear

or when he starts talking you'll be fully invested in his words

"yknow, Google listed among us as a horror game and I really cannot-"

NIKI NIHACHU

the amount of dead by daylight merch and the amount of money that you've spent on it is kinda concerning

but she loves listening to you rant about how the kill animations are so awesome and about new maps and characters and dlcs

I mean it's your current fixation, of course she'd listen to every single word you'd have to say

she even plays with you on stream a lot as well

when you're strung up on energy, she'll take you out for a run, you're like a dog on a leash though because she's not trying to lose you

"niki, come on! I wanna see the water snakes!"

"I'm coming, I can't sprint like you do, darling!"

QUACKITY

"of all the games, why is five nights at freddy's the one you're fixated on?"

he loves hearing you rant and explain lore and theories to him tho

genuine love language

he'll even play it on stream with you

"and the purple guy basically killed all the kids, and the kids basically scared him into the springlock suit and it literally killed him so he possesses that suit now-"

he'll just joke about the amount of energy you have

like Ranboo, will serve you coffee so you can crash and burn considering you end up begging him to help you

[nanamin-nah-nanamine]

This is for the matchmaking, I'm a non-binary person in my early 20 who is extremely introverted, i struggle with social situations when I'm alone, i also struggle with depression and anxiety which makes life rather hard, i have been diagnosed with autism so when i get interested in something that tends to be my main interest for months if not a year or more. I am a very emotional person i cry at everything and anything honestly, due to being diagnosed with Autism very late in my life i have spent a lot of time masking, to make myself appear as normal as possible, so much so that i don't even know what I'm actually like normally. Even though i am a very anxious person i have a major case of Resting Bitch face, so much so that some of my friends told me they were scared of talking to me at first because they thought i look mean.

I'm a very creative person, i love expressing myself in ways that don't have anything to do with talking, i also love fashion and i usually dress in a mix of goth and comfy clothes, though comfy clothes usually overtake my need to look fancy due to major dysphoria so i usually opt for large hoodies. My hair is currently in a chin long undercut which is a kind of very light pink/purple due to the colour fading over time, i have green eyes, wear glasses and have a septum as well as tattoos. I'm also currently a major in art and Theatre, mostly focused on painting. I am a theater kid at heart, i love musicals and have acted in a few myself. I'm also Pansexual so i will literally just go for anyone I'm interested in no matter the gender.

Hi pookie! I apologize for the wait cause finals were a bitch but they’re finally DONE

Aight now lets get into this

Due to the information provided you will be matched up with…🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

My lovely chosito osito!!(ignore everything that’s happened in 259😀)

Okay now walk with me🚶🏾‍♀️

I feel like you and Choso would really vibe together for numerous reasons. Choso is an eldest sibling so he’s incredibly patient and he’s proven to be very nurturing so I feel as though it would be second nature for him to always be thinking about you and how things might affect you. I think lil homie also has anxiety so he would be able to relate to you on that level, and since so much of this world is completely new to him you guys would be able to bond over the lovely overstimulation of day to day life.

From one autistic person to another I really feel like Choso would understand a lot more than some of the other characters? Idk I just get that vibe from him. He’s very blunt and straightforward, doesn’t cut corners in his explanations and he’s also got one hell of a resting face so I feel like he wouldn’t take lack of expression personally if you’re ever feeling burnt out.

Like I mentioned prior this boy is 🗣️NURTURING

He basically had to sub in as mom,dad,brother for all of those siblings so he’s got you bby don’t worry. I feel like he can be really protective and overbearing at times though but if that crosses a like for you then you just need to let him know. He’s no stranger to tears and he has no problem scooping you up in his arms and letting you cry it out.

If you wanna yap about a new hyper fixation you better believe Choso will listen!! The world is new and exciting and even though the bright lights and media tend to give him headaches, he can’t get enough of you relaying him the information because he’s kinda obsessed with you ngl.

Y’all with be THAT alt introverted couple who everybody is kind of scared of but are actually sweethearts. Once Choso figured out about department stores and piercing parlors it’s over for you bitches.

He thinks your tattoos are so cool and he’s kinda just like fascinated by the entire process. If you ever choose to get more he would wanna go with you but he’d be holding your hand and staring at the tattoo artist like this 😠

I also feel like he would definitely respect your pronouns once he wrapped his head around them because he is just not from this era so it’ll take him a bit😭 it’s genuinely just pure ignorance and not disrespect but he WILL get the hang of it.

Activities you do together include….

•going to see musicals and live theatre(he will be enchanted or overstimulated, it’s a 50/50 on this one)

•staying inside✨(a fan favorite)

•p i e r c i n g d a t e s

•painting!! More or less so him watching you paint but it’s the thought that counts🥰

[g1r-ap0ca1yps3]

Intro to my account!

Hi I'm Conan i often go by the nickname Cade though I wont use tumbler a lot and if you want to get in contact with me your best bet is my Pinterest which I'll link at the end but yeah i guess I'll say some things about myself

I'm a transgender boy i use the term demi boy more as a side label since I also identify with xenogenders but mostly just a boy lol i use he/it pronouns along with all neos and yeah thats it for my gender i think

Okay i use a lot of stuff for my sexuality but basically I'm aroace oriented and omni romantic + i use biromantic as a umbrella term. I'm ambiamorous which means I'm open to polyamory and monoamory relationships. i use a lot of labels so if you wanna see them all check out my pronouns page I'll link it at the end

Next i guess I'll talk about my mental health lmao so basically i have depression and unspecified anxiety disorder professionally diagnosed also professionally diagnosed ODC and dyslexia and Dysgraphia so if theres any spelling or grammar mistakes in this please be patient

I'm trying to be scene and emo but i listen to a lot of different music genres my favorite are scene, scenecore, hyper pop, pov: Indie, scenemo and emo. I'm alternative kinda scene kinda scenecore kinda emo just a blend lolz.

I'm a huge anime fan i love things like ouran host club, banna fish, SK8 the infinity, Bungo stray dogs, ohshi no ko, the stranger my the shore, toilet bound hanako kun, demon slayer, yuri on ice, sasaki to Miyano and a lot more i also read manga when i can find it online for free cuz I'm broke asf

I'm a minor so any donation requests will be ignored as i cannot donate and i also don't want to repost something if i don't know if it's legit so i apologize but i will just delete those dms and comments i do hope if your in actual need of help you can raise the money but at this moment i am not able to help and am not able to confirm your legitimacy

I see people putting a dni list so I'll make one too ig? If your Racist, homophobic, transphobic, ablist, xenophobic, extremely judgemental, say things like "OMG I'M SO AUTISTIC/ADHD/ECT" and you don't have that thing, really anything toxic in General your a dni. A few more things that aren't necessarily a dni but kinda are? If you hate on furries, therians, otherkin, alterhumans, ect. I'm not any of those but in my opinion it's just stupid, annoying, and petty to hear people hate on them when what they do literally doesn't affect you whatsoever so yeah a dni but if your neutral to them then not a dni

!Important! Even though I've put my sexualities and wanting a QPR I'm not open to online dating and never will be!

Yeah i think thats it I'll put the links to some of my platforms I'll update this whenever things change also keep in mind my TikTok is not my personal account it’s my online one

[dogfags]

for the past couple weeks I have tried multiple times to sort out this kind of. thought cloud I'm stuck in. but I can't properly journal out my feelings bc I can't exactly put words to them. I keep trying to get my feelings out with words and it's impossible. so I resort to trying to organize them in pinterest boards and playlists bc those things are more abstract but still help me think through stuff. but even there I'm sort of at a loss. I guess I am coming up on a sense of self for perhaps the first time in my life? and it is so strange and foreign to me that I'm having a hard time. putting it together. for sure it'll take more time. but holy shit it just feels like I am having all these like. epiphones about myself idk how to spell that word whatever. it feels like I'm getting closer and closer to a sense of self. which I have never ever had in my life before. I have always felt like a weird amalgamation of traumas and I have these identity crises every other month wherein I try to reinvent myself and become someone new. and in so doing I have completely just. erased any kind of sense of identity I could have had bc I'm constantly just changing it so nothing I am ever feels permanent. every trait is just temporary and mutable. but last summer, almost a year ago I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on mood stabilizers. and after 3 months I started having these like... come back to earth moments where I'd finally be like wait, this isn't me, this isn't what I want. and I'd change it. and slowly I've been doing that with different parts of myself and my life. and then it all kind of came to a head when my ex cheated on me and we broke up and they were gunna attempt suicide and the gun and the hospital and just all of that SHIT happened and then I very suddenly decided to move out bc I couldn't live like that anymore. and then I started seeing my now bf more and more.. and just like wow. it's crazy how drastically my life has changed in a couple months. I mean in January I was in a shitty relationship I didn't see going anywhere with a loser who treated me like shit. I was living with this person and my old roommate and not doing much of anything for enjoyment except scrolling mindlessly through Instagram reels. I used to go to punk shows all the time and one of my epiphones (literally how do you spell that) was that I didn't actually enjoy going to shows that much and the people there weren't really my crowd and I don't want to drink or smoke or any of that. so I stopped going to shows but I never replaced it with something to do enjoy doing. but now... since I left that house and went no contact with my ex and sort of distanced myself from that whole friend group I have been more capable than ever of like, finding myself and who I am and who I want to be. I moved out completely within a week of deciding to do so for my mental health and even though I'm still working these 65 hour weeks and YES my job sucks and makes me wanna die I am still so much less stressed and I am not in literal agony. I used to be so confused with who I am. I used to struggle so hard to see myself as a human being. I was in a near constant state of dissociation due to the horrible trauma I've been through + my dysphoria + bipolar disorder + shitty relationships. Its like I'm waking up now. I keep having these moments where I pause for a moment in reality and I'm like holy shit I'm HERE like I'm alive and I'm present and i am experiencing this moment in this moment. it's just wild to me. i think this is a real turning point in my life. like fr a brand new chapter. a fresh start to everything. I left so much behind and for a while it left me feeling like an empty husk but now I am just starting to see the new little sprouts of life in myself. I'm not having an identity crisis I'm having an identity rebirth.

[hoshibait]

i'd love to hear those drake headcanons of yours :^)!

alright anon i warned you

quick warning for obsessive love and idk bro toxic angst i guess

also another warning i’m projecting a lot, specifically onto drew.

i’m a strong believer of drew being one of those gay people that just really represses their sexuality to the point of just not realizing for a while. he eventually figures out his gender but he doesn’t really talk about it much and cringes when he thinks about it too much. he’s a transfem agender, no big deal.

i know a lot of people hc drew as hispanic and that makes me very happy. you wanna know why i made him peruvian though, i’ll tell you why, i’m projecting, suck it nerd.

drew began being friends with jake during freshman year, in my head i feel like part of it was out of pity, drew didn’t think too much of jake at the time, just a new cool guy to hang out with.

idk how canon this is but in my interpretation the two of them the two of them got close to the point of being best friends, the two of them just jived together so well, he felt so understood, jake was an amazing guy, he was so fun to hang out with. it felt like things were perfect. however we know it wasn’t always great for the opposite party.

i’m a firm believer of neurodivergent jake, i don’t know what he has exactly but he’s def peculiar LMAO.

because of this, he’s always struggled socially and generally just being able to be his true self, of course he has a passion for singing and music and i wouldn’t be surprised if his neurodivergence impacted that at all.

think about it though, you’ve been bullied and outcasted your whole life, and all of the sudden a group of cool dudes want to take you in just because you seem cool to them?

jake finally felt a sense of belonging, right?

except those people were also judgmental to an extent, they put other people down, they put down your passion indirectly. you don’t want to lose them, because they seem to care for you, so you hide and lie, you mask.

i wouldn’t put it past jake to have some identity issues with how much he lies even to himself. ngl the more i write this the more i realize i said all the important things in my little chart. oh yeah my drew bpd hc this is def just me projecting btw, also i called it developing/undiagnosed in the chart since it's very rare for people his age to get diagnosed with it, plus he def goes around untreated. i guess the best way i can describe the two of them in my hc is this weird complicated love-hate thing. they're definitely not healthy, not at this rate, but it's like there's this slight chance, this sliver of hope that maybe things can work. i don't think that would happen though. i still need to think of how jake would even turn down drew, but i just know he'd be, more torn, lmao. you guys think a little bit of tyler the creator could've saved drew //slap

[intersex-support]

I'm concerned I may have an intersex condition and I'm not sure where to go from here. Could I ask for some advice?

Essentially, I'm realizing that I... probably didn't complete puberty the first time. I'm afab, and I did get a growth spurt and body hair and start to grow breasts, but I never developed past what I'm now realizing was probably about stage 3 on the Tanner Scale. My breasts stayed small enough that I could easily pass as male without binding (I'm nonbinary) and I was never able to find a bra small enough to fit me. Overall I was kinda just built like a tall preteen, and frequently mistaken for one well into my 20s

I'm also diagnosed with presumed endometriosis and had extremely irregular and painful periods for my entire life. Birth control pills didn't fully fix it and depo shots just made it worse, but when my gyno put me on nexplanon about 9 months ago it stopped my period altogether. More than that though... I think I'm going through puberty again, at the age of 25. I started experiencing breast growth and female-pattern fat redistribution that's very similar to what my transfem friends are going through on HRT, and I realized... my medication is literally just progestin. I'm essentially on feminizing HRT as an afab person. And after 9 months on HRT I've finally progressed to what looks like stage 4 on the Tanner Scale and I'm getting closer to stage 5

I did some research on what could be happening when I first started noticing the changes and found out that recent studies have linked endometriosis to estrogen dominance (either an excess of estrogen or a deficiency of progesterone) and the symptoms of both estrogen dominance and low progesterone seemed to fit me. Since the changes started after I went on progestin-only medication I figured that was my answer, that I had low progesterone bc of my endometriosis and it stunted my development. But recently I was talking with an intersex blogger who pointed out that having hormone deficiencies so severe they interrupt puberty isn't common for endometriosis and it might be a symptom of an intersex condition, and they recommended for me to look into hypogonadotropic hypogonadism

I've been doing research on it and. It really seems to describe what I went through. The only things that don't really fit me are the short height and lack of period, but that may just be bc I had an incomplete puberty instead of an absent one. More specifically though I learned about Kallmann Syndrome, and I know it's relatively rare, especially in afab people, but a lot of the other symptoms seem to fit me. The first, notably, is that I've had hyposmia my entire life which is a defining feature of the condition. I also have spinal defects: scoliosis, hyperlordosis, and cervical kyphosis. I even have some unexplained motor control issues that I'm now concerned may be mild ataxia, like my lifelong constant hand tremors and a general "clumsiness" that makes it difficult for me to get my limbs to do what I want—both of which cause frequent issues for me

I really wanna get some solid answers but I'm... not sure where to go from here. Would getting my hormones checked be a logical next step? If it's specifically progesterone that's affected for me I'm not sure if the tests will be able to tell the difference between natural progesterone and synthetic progestin though, and I can't go off my medication bc my endo is so bad without it that I won't be able to work. Maybe that's not even the hormone they would need to check anyways though, maybe it would be GnRH? Idk, I'm just a little bit lost. I'm considering going to Planned Parenthood to ask about it (my current gyno has not been very forthcoming with information about my own condition) but I'm nervous about seeing them without knowing if it's something they can even help with and I'm also worried about going in with too much information and having a doctor dismiss me as having given myself a "google diagnosis" 😣

Any advice on the process of seeking a diagnosis? Or any other next steps in general?

Also—I keep having this nagging thought in the back of my head that says even if I do turn out to have a form of HH it wouldn't "matter" now that I'm on HRT and finishing puberty. Any opinions on this? Would I still "count" as intersex if that's the case? And what if I can't get a diagnosis?

Hi anon,

So sorry for the late answer. Hope you've been doing well.

It definitely makes sense to me that you would be looking into Kallmann Syndrome, especially since you have hyposmia and that really is such a key part of that condition. I agree with the other blogger that it's worth looking into why your puberty was disrupted/incomplete and regardless of whether it's Kallmann Syndrome, another intersex variation, or something else, that might be helpful information to have. And I totally get what you mean about it "not mattering" to get a diagnosis now that you're on HRT, and honestly, what is most important is your priorities and wishes in this process.

It is completely valid to want this information and search for a diagnosis, and to want an answer even though you've now found a treatment that works. If you decide at some point through the process that diagnosis is not a priority for you right now, that's okay too--what matters is that you are the authority here and that you have the right to feel whatever way you feel about it. The intersex community has such an incredible amount of variety--we all have so many different variations, different experiences, ways that symptoms show up or don't show up, and there's no "right" way to be intersex. All ways of being intersex are valuable and real ways that we're going to show up in our community.

The process of seeking a diagnosis can be kind of long and frustrating, but I'd say the first step would definitely be trying to get a referral to an endocrinologist or any doctor who is willing to run a full hormone panel on you, (generally this includes estrogen, testosterone, progesterone, FSH, LH, SHBG, and thyroid hormones). For Kallmann Syndrome, they would be looking for low estrogen, FSH, and LH levels. They would probably also run some other blood tests checking general blood chemistry levels to rule out any other causes. The next step for Kallmann diagnosis is sometimes an MRI to rule out any physical abnormalities on the pituitary gland. Finally, there is also molecular genetic testing for Kallmann that can help identify the specific genetic mutation, but the diagnosis can also be made without genetic testing or an MRI. Planned Parenthood might be a good first step, either to actually do the first set of labs or to provide you to a referral to a endocrinologist who would be willing to order the labs. It can definitely be really hard navigating doctors who are dismissive of our own self-knowledge and research, and I've found it can sometimes be more helpful to just explain your symptoms (lack of periods, lack of puberty) and ask for a full hormone panel rather than specifically telling the doctor that you want to test for Kallmann's.

Overall, just know that you absolutely aren't alone in this and that you are welcome to come back to the blog with any other questions or just to vent. It can be confusing and overwhelming trying to navigate the medical system, and you deserve support! Best of luck on this journey 💜

[olive-jones-real37]

INTRODUCTION

(this is an oc account btw!)

Hello, everyone! my name is Olive Ellen Jones, but you may call me Olive!

My good friend Weiyly just showed me this interesting app, and so I decided I must create an account. So, here I am!

I will NOT have a consistent posting schedule (as if I have a schedule for anything anyways lol) so please do not expect lots and lots of posts back to back.

I appreciate any and all feedback on how to work this silly app, because, as I said before, I am very new. [ooc: im not actually new but if you wanna pretend to help her out go ahead lmao.]

ABOUT ME:

•~ I prefer She/They pronouns (demigirl!!)

•~ I am pansexual, and have a lovely girlfriend named Sieanna!! I will only post about her with her permission though.

•~ I am also Asexual, so please do not be weird. [NO NSFW AT ALL.]

•~ I love the little word color feature thingy on this app, so you best believe that I will be using it a lot!!!

•~ I have been diagnosed with ADHD

•~ I support the Resistance Revolution! (RR for short) [this is a lore thing btw]

•~ [oh yeah uh unless specifically mentioned that its not me speaking, whenever I put the little brackets around text thats ooc / op talking, not olive!! And whenever the bracket is mixed, like this ([ or [(, it means the both olive and I are speaking i guess? yeah 👍]

•~ [also, if the color thingy starts getting out of hand please tell me and i will stop!]

•~ My birthday is June 17th, however I am not sure how to put my birth year into human years because, I am not human, and I don’t know what year it is in human-time.

•~ [she is a minor/UNDER 18.]

•~ I have a twin brother named Carter Liam Jones (17 y/o), and a younger sister named Eleanor Kelly Jones (16 y/o)! I am the oldest (by 7 minutes!!) and love my YOUNGER siblings very much.

•~ I will only talk about my friends and family and stuff on here if they give me permission to do so, so please do not keep asking if I have already said no!

•~ I will post art that I/others create! I have a couple mediums that I enjoy working with, such as painting, crafting, sketching, doodling, photography... you name it, and I have probably tried it before!

•~ [I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER IF YOU MAKE ANY FANART OF MY OC'S!!!! PLEASE GUYS PLS PLS PLS... I DON'T CARE IF ITS "BAD" OR WHATEVER I JUST REALLY WANT OC ART LOL]

•~ [PLEASE, NO POLITICS ON THIS PAGE. LIKE, AT ALL. IF YOU MUST TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM, THEN USE ONE OF MY ALT ACCOUNTS.]

DO NOT INTERACT LIST:

[some of these are lore related, so if they don't make sense that's why!]

•/ Pedophiles.

•/ MAPS.

•/ ANY AND ALL MWEZI SUPPORTERS. SHE'S A HORRIBLE GOD WHY WOULD YOU SUPPORT HER. [LORE]

•/ Homo/Transphobes/Anti lgbtq+.

•/ Weiyly's parents. (More specifically, his dad. You suck.) [LORE!!]

•/ Trump supporters. [FUCK YOU.]

•/ MAGA people. [FUCK OFF BRO.]

•/ People against the revolution. [LORE]

•/ Project 2025 supporter. [AGAIN, FUCK YOU.]

•/ Ablesists

•/ people who won't take this as an oc blog/role-play [why interact in the first place bro.]

•/ THAT ONE GUY WHO KILLED MY DAD. FUCK YOU. I WAS 14. [LORE]

•/ lolicons, and anything similar.

•/ proshippers, and anything similar.

•/ Israel supporters

•/ FISHSTICKS. [LORE]

[BTW if you are already ANYTHING in the DNI list, none of this applies to you. DNI and LEAVE ME ALONE.]

MAYBE INTERACT:

•| NSFW/18+ blogs [just don't get me involved in it, because I'm a minor!]

•| Furries/Therians [this is only iffy cause of the weird folk, so just be nice and you should be fine]

•| people who don't like swearing ([I swear a lot, so im sorry!])

•| people over 18 [only cause im a minor yk]

•| that one kid in 6th grade who threw jello at me?? Idk he apologized after but still wtf?? [LORE?]

PLEASE INTERACT LIST:

•\ Other roleplayers!! :D

•\ people who will create art for this blog [PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WILL CREDIT YOU TOO PLEASEE]

•\ other queer folk!! :) welcome!

•\ [THE CRANE WIVES FANS!!]

•\ [people who are in the same fandoms as me! I can get the list later if you need!! :) )

•\ People who HATE Mwezi [LORE]

•\ people who enjoy oc blogs like this and will interact as such!

•\ other artists!

•\ Gacha creators

•\ Palestine supporters

•\ Supporters of the Resistance [LORE]

[ETC. I MAY UPDATE/CHANGE THIS LIST IN THE FUTURE, SO BE PREPARED FOR THAT.]

That is basically it! Goodbye everyone!

[MY MAIN ACCOUNT IS @polar-artist BTW!! so feel free to check that blog out too!]

-Olive! :)

[many-of-mycelium]

some advice for those who are transautistic from a diagnosed cisautistic (pt: diagnosed cisautistic. end pt) based on our experiences, things we've seen other cisautistics experience, what we've researched over the years, and more sources we probably forgot (this isn't a joke btw) (also sorry if it's inaccurate or stereotypical, the other alter who knows a lot abt autism doesn't want to front right now (they might also be anti-transid but idk))

you want a special interest ?? get themed items or merch. talk about it to everyone you know. get introjects of it if you wanna be/are plural. be exited when an update comes out/something new is discovered/etc. we have a wall in our room dedicated to TF2 posters and postcards, i made (/hj) several important people read the Team Fortress comics, roughly every fourth alter in our sys is a fictive of a character from TF2/TFC, and for the past few weeks it was hard for me to stop thinking about when is Scream Fortress (TF2 event) was going to begin

tone tags !! we don't always understand if someone's joking or if they're mad at us so we really like it when people use them !! we also struggle to get our point across without them so we use them all the time as well !!

gender may be hard or impossible to understand. like i'm genderless but also a librasinguvoidrian fluix boygirl along with lots and lots of other things but also more of my source and strongest kintype than it is but also i'm none of those things. it fluctuates, it's static, it's somewhere in-between, this cannot apply to it. i hoard xenogenders, i'm not xenic in the slightest, everything in my life and then some affects my gender, it cannot be changed, i'm both a [f slur] and a [d slur] (not saying to avoid triggering other people), i'm cis, i'm the embodiment of transness, i'm space but also magpies and also cold purple, i'm-

stimming. pick some you can do by yourself (meowing, rocking back and forth/sideways, etc) and a few you need help with (washing your hands in cold/hot water, using fidget toys, wearing wet socks, listening to music, etc). suppress it or do it in public even when they make fun of you. make it as subtle (play with your hands/keychains/etc) or as obvious (spin/run in circles and scream as loud as you can) as you want

ignore social cues !! only the least obvious and most unimportant ones or all of them !! if you already don't get some of them, you can ignore the remaining ones you think are stupid !! we do that too !!

comorbidities. most(?) autistics also have ADHD. they are also more likely to be schizophrenic than allistics. many also have ARFID and/or intellectual disabilities. do you want/have these conditions as well ?? if yes, how do they affect your autism and how does your autism affect them ?? do you have multiple of them ?? how do they affect each other ?? how does your autism affect how they intermingle, if at all ??

sensory issues. many autistics can't stand the feeling of microfiber, some to the point that they physically pull their hand away after touching it as if it was a hot pan. background noise that one can't control is the bane of one's existence (/hj). we can hold cotton fluff in our hands but the moment anything even remotely hairy or cloth-like comes near our teeth we almost want to cry (slight exag.) music, ear protection, and noise-cancelling headphones are your best friends. not all headphones, though. earbuds are fucking evil incarnate and they should not exist (/hj).

i hope you liked our tips !! - Star

[oddballwriter]

Dad!evan Tim Brian and Vinnie where their child encounters the operator and get slendersickness?

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Warnings: mentions of HABIT, spoilers of some twists in both Marble Hornets and EveryManHYBRID, your fictional dads caring about you

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

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Tim

Tim is arguably the most devastated out of all of them

I've mentioned before in past dad!Tim posts that he kind of had raising you be something that gave him some emotional healing and that he wishes for you to live a life so far from what he lived

As soon as you start showing signs and symptoms he almost denies them. He doesn't want to think that it's finally caught up with his kid

But when you have a moment where it's clear that it's come for you and you're affected, he just gives in and accepts it and tries to make sense

Maybe you admit to "night terrors" or start being hysterical at night that he decided to quit the bullshit he's feeding himself

He knows you're not crazy since after the events of MH he knows that he's not crazy and admits that to you

It's a long talk and you might be a little upset that he never told you that this might happen at some point, and he understands. But he makes sure that you know that you aren't alone

Tim takes you to the doctors to get you "diagnosed" but really it's just a way for you to get your own pills. I mean, it's heavily implied that Tim was diagnosed with something and that's why he has his meds. Depending on if you wanna go the bio or adoption route, he says that it's most likely because of genetics for bio, and that it's just a coincidence if your adopted

Either way, once you get "diagnosed" and given your own meds he tells you how exactly it works with the thing

Don't ask him how exactly the pills keep it away, he just knows it does

As much as it hurts him to know that it's spread to you, he's at least happy that he can at least help you the best he can

Tim sticks by you because he knows how hard this is from personal experience and will be by you the entire time because the least he can do is stick by you

Brian

Idk what route to go with Brian. The pre-Hoodie or post-Hoodie route.

Let's just go with post and that he actually lived

It's a bit rough on him and he's kind of scared

His work was in luring Jay and at some point Tim towards defeating Alex and the Operator

He would help you get your own medication but I think it will be hard for him to actually talk about what's going on

Brian just tells you that you aren't crazy when you first bring everything up to him but doesn't explain why he thinks/knows that

I actually think he might get mad though, not so at you but it seems like it

"When did this start?" "Why didn't you tell me?" "What happened?" in a very stern and demanding voice

But he's not mad at you. He's more so mad at himself.

How could he let this happen? Could he have prevented it? Could he have protected you more?

Those thoughts haunt him now

He feels like he failed you

He hates to think that this would cause any type of strain on your relationship but understands

Evan

I feel like with the EMH guys it's slightly different considering the loop

I don't know if you want it that you're just another person that exists in one version of the loop or if you yourself are part of it

I've mentioned before that if Evan is aware of everything from past loops that he's already scared shitless of something happening to you

He would be scared and upset beyond belief if you caught it because it seems like operator in EMH effects people IN THE LOOP

But we could have it that regular people can get it too

Evan is very scared that you've interacted/had a run in with Slender in the first place. He knew that it might happen, but for you to experience it actually getting close to you is different

And I've had past posts talking about the Habit stuff

Vinnie

Vinnie would also be heavily shaken up by all this

If he becomes aware too then he's even more worried for you and might be upset depending on if you're just a person in this version of the loop or if you become a part of it

I'm sure that it's only just the mining town four but that actually hurts Vinnie a little because you're just a passing thing and you'll be gone one way or another when the loop starts all over, and there's a chance that he might not remember you

I do think that that would be something for Habit to use to fuck with him in a future loop with something along the lines of "You had a kid last time, Vinnie? You remember that? I do! God, you really doting on them."

You having an interaction and getting operator just means you're involved now and that you basically have a target over your head for anyone or anything in there.

Vinnie does a lot, at least as much as he can, to protect you after that

I think you'd unfortunately be a soft spot that Habit frequently uses while in this loop that you exist in, maybe even after.

[rose-png]

★i feel like it makes sense that i make an introduction post so here it is!!!

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INTRODUCTION I THINK!!

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✮hi!! my name is rose!! i also go by skull or creature :-]!!

✮i use any pronouns idrc lol

✮i am an aroace spec queer thing i don't rlly know yet :-]

✮i am 17!! (my birthday is on January 22 lol)

✮im an artist!! i mostly draw fanart and all that stuff :-D!!

✮im diagnosed with adhd + autism ^_^ please be patient with me!

✮im mixed :-D✌🏽

✮im not super active here because it's mostly for fanart and i don't wanna flood my other socials with just fanart :-] ill try to post more slowly though

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HYPERFIXATIONS + STUFF I LIKE!! :-D

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✸if the text is bold its a hyperfixation or something i talk about a lot!! please interact if u like them to plzplzplzplzplz✸

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☆ sockdotclips ocs (mostly patient hero if you could not tell idk i might like them idk just a guess!!)

☆ splatoon

☆ cats. just cats. any cats.

☆ gaming I guess im such a gamer guys hell yeah

☆Friday night funkin (to an extent not rlly)

☆phighting

☆regretevator

☆space stuff i fw space so heavy

☆postal (i love postal dude i think hes neat)

☆tf2 (been trying to get into it more)

☆madoka magcia

☆hfjone

(there's probably more so I'll edit it later when i can remember or if something changes LMFAO)

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DNI + ACCOUNT WARNINGS I GUESS??

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⚠️warning!: my account my contain some gore and scary shit sometimes idk, please proceed with caution before following!!

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do not interact if you do whatever below says idk just don't!!

●proshippers/comshippers or just anyone who takes such dark topics and makes it sexualized/romanticized.

●if you disrespect any of sockdotclips boundaries (you know who you are), get off my page, i will not tolerate that behavior, i will block you, i don't care. go away.

●nsfw accounts (im a minor and it makes me pretty uncomfortable, if you don't post it yourself then i guess i don't really care but your on kinda thin ice)

●alfred playhouse fans (it depends actually if ur not a weirdo but ur on liek thin ice kinda)

●motherfuckers that get into "shipping wars" or whatever its annoying shut up!!

●gooners. just don't please ew.

●terfs or bigots of any kind.

●pro-genocide people.

(this will probably be updated here and there, but this will do for now)

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OTHER SOCIALS I GUESS??

you can find me on these places ion know im mostly active on discord but i ain't giving that out willy nilly soo yeah!!

idk if these will all work so most of my socials are just a variant of "rose.png" or "flower.image" maybe even "sillylilcreature" go find it yourself idk lmfao

and my YouTube is basically completely dead i don't do anything on it so i don't feel the need to add it!! ill probably add more socials if i have any more i feel like adding

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thanks for reading :-D!! 🌹🫵🔥🗣️

sparkle on!! don't forget to smile or something idfk🗣️🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥⚠️

★

[findmeinthefallair]

Ok, I was told about this.

emerald-entrails-hunter,

I'm gonna show a total of four screenshots in this post, and I don't wanna force what people think of me or twist any narratives. You readers can decide 😔 It would be good though, if readers have a look at both her post and this one that I have written. Before deciding what kind of person I am.

After the first boundary you put up in September, I still sent you an absolutely insensitive ask shortly after you ended things on Discord, and I wrote a physical letter to send to you. In both, not only I did not give a proper apology, but I violated your boundary of "Do not contact me again". In no way am I justifying what I did but, I was desperate to try and get us to reconcile, even if it was executed so poorly. And re: the matter that even led up to the end of our friendship to begin with.....I was cowardly. I am so sorry for my hurtful behaviour in that situation too. For all this, I am truly sorry. 😔

And I know that people have varying opinions about vagueposting. But like, if people see my vagueposts, wasn't that a conscious choice they made to seek out my vagueposts, policing what I put up?

Look. Even putting up this post, is terrifying to me. But to quote you, I to a degree also need to stand up for myself here, or else I'm going to spiral badly just before a vacation that's in 5 days. I am not like your abuser. It has taken me many months to even begin loving myself again after what happened. 😔

There was absolutely no way that I was going to show up outside your door at all.

I am definitely not that person. I put in my vagueposts that any reminders of rural Japan would be triggering e.g. even imagining tatami flooring in my head would make me gag, so why would I spend a huge chunk of $ to even go there now, in the first place (far more so now, since I'm in remission for cancer)? That would make me feel sicker to my stomach than the set of multiple triggers I already had. One of my posts also speaks about me cancelling a hotel booking. Which means I was NOT going to go to Japan to find you.

Proof from my email inbox:

And I would have done this much earlier. But I got diagnosed with cancer.

So, I suspect that you and your group have deliberately not factored in info like that in your callout. Because you really want to push a certain narrative here. If you have been monitoring me, you would have seen that info. But you do not appear to have incorporated said info into how you are viewing this whole thing.

This group has assumed that my motive was about inserting messages and about reaching out to connect, when instead I was just processing my feelings. Is there not a difference between those? I feel that this group has created their own definitions for things.

This group has actively chosen to peek at a blog they don't want to follow (mine), like hate-watching something to feel righteous, and then got ticked off - idk about internet culture differences, but you could have chosen not to look? Esp after I said I cancelled my hotel booking? AND even when I did not speak ill of you at all in my posts, it still wasn't good enough for your group's set of rules. This feels like any phrase I type is going to be seen by them as "*hisssssss* she broke our rules!!", so I have a very bad feeling about continuing.

Whether you believe me or not, I already felt so so awful and guilty upon sending off the letter. And, seeing your art in my suggestions sidebars was not something I sought out. I didn't want to see your art. But the previews of your art still made their way past Tumblr's blocking and filtering system, and they would trigger me. This means I would definitely, absolutely, never want to show up begging you for anything, or write you anymore letters, after the wrongdoings from last year that are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I would not dare to at all, because the guilt is still eating into me every day 😔😔😔

How ashamed do you think I feel now, now that I have learnt that what I did caused you to move apartments? And I do not want to say this in any manipulative manner at all. I say it from a place of utter sadness and shame.

And importantly, you sent me these from a new sideblog you created, back in February when you heard about my cancer:

In your callout post, you say there was absolutely no misunderstanding that went down between us. But in your February ask, you said "a grand misunderstanding".

If you've changed your mind, then ok, it's perfectly valid. But it really sounds like two completely different people who sent me this long ask in Feb, versus the callout post from 12 or so hours ago.

You said, "You don't care about how you've made me feel". But if I carry this much guilt, every single day, doesn't that mean that I care about how I have made you feel?

Or, are you wanting me to care about how you feel, in a very very specific way? I'm not you, and at this point I really don't think I can be.

You saying "this happened last flipping September" and "we only knew each other for 2-3 months tops"...means you have given my grief a timeline and deadline. I will really, really have to disagree about this. You may not understand it, but this is one area that I definitely can't change my mind about.

Grief is as unique as fingerprints are, and my grief has stretched on for 9.5 months now because the 2-3 good months we had? They mattered. They. Mattered. That. Much. To. Me. Those short months were real. It's not that I was scheming with some long-term plan, to be power-hungry or hungry for control in the friendship.

I still loved you all this time and mourned deeply, though now that you've put up that post, I'm really not so sure anymore.

You have every right to feel frustrated that I'm still mourning after almost 10 months. But if you are trying to say here that I must grieve in a way that you want, I'm very sorry but I really can't. Reading your callout post, I also do not feel like you have acknowledged the heavy guilt I have been carrying, which I am not lying about. I am acknowledging your pain, even if you cannot trust that I am, but don't see that you have acknowledged mine in the callout post.

Why couldn't you use a more balanced statement e.g. "I understand you are guilty, but your vagueposting makes me extremely paranoid and uncomfortable"?

Instead, you are saying "You don't care about how you've made me feel".

I am very very sorry, and could not be more sorry, for all the hurt I have caused you. This is the theme of the ask that I wanted to send to you this coming Monday, to that same sideblog of yours. But I won't send it anymore because you don't want that. You acknowledged in the February ask you sent, that you hurt me as well. But I fully acknowledge that I was the one started it: this is true.

In your callout post, you said "now you're trying to [break my trust] again soon?" Well, in your February ask to me, you said I could rehash what happened in September with you if I wanted. And I was prepping to do that this coming Monday, though I won't anymore.

I feel that your callout is presumptuous, filtered through your lens without checking with me first. Though at the same time: I fully understand why you wouldn't want to trust anymore, even if I'm telling the truth. I acknowledge this fully.

You have pointed out via DM that you are prone to all-or-nothing thinking and you KNOW it can be unhealthy:

And I believe this is what was in play again here, with what has happened.

I'm just. I am really, truly sorry. 😔😔😔 Now I feel that I'm gonna have to 100% block from my side as well, so that I don't start having serious symptoms, because the ring of "You have no right to X/Y/Z" in your callout post, and how you're implying to me how to navigate my grief...this has changed the impression I now have of you too, after almost 10 months 😔 So, this is goodbye.

I am truly sorry. I don't want to hide anything on here

-------------

Here's my conclusion:

- They filled in a massive gap with what they think my motives were, to push a particular narrative to suit a specific agenda, to make them feel a certain way that they wanted.

- E.g. being rather sure that I was gonna spend a huge chunk of $ to go and fly somewhere and, still talk to a person that I fell out with? That would be a really huge waste of $, time and sanity. But hey, they already spun a story to put out there.

- They also left this out on purpose: I spoke about the nausea I'd feel when I images of tatami flooring and anything Japan would appear in my mind. So...imagine how unpleasant it would be for me to even look at the real scenery and locations. So why would I take a huge chunk of $ out of my savings, to go somewhere and make myself feel worse than I already have felt about the imagery in my head whenever it pops up in my head? - The ask sent to me in Feb allowed me to rehash the fallout again. And when I wanna do the rehashing, I then get slammed for it. Uh? I could not read your mind that you had changed your decision: the change in decision was NOT communicated to me in private first. Then waywardsunlight, her friend and attack dog, shrieks at me asking why I put up screenshots of the February ask. If she put my username out publicly, and then demands that I don't put up that ask (which acts as proof) publicly.....what does this therefore imply? That this group doesn't want me putting out context that they wanna make sure they leave out? Feels like a double standard to me.

- Importantly, she has conveniently said "Well, how was I supposed to know all that?!?!" only AFTER she put out this story that she wanted to tell.

I am repulsed. Thank god

[haejjoon]

BARKBARK I LOVE TRANS HCS im not trans myself but when i see how happy they make my trans friends & my partner???? TOSSES THEM AROUND LIKE CANDY u get a trans hc! u get a trans hc! WE ALL GET TRANS HCS

also may i say. adhd/autistic phantoms ? good shit

also ur mention of how trans goro is more common than trans akiren makes me wanna pop off about infantilization in fandoms and how it ties into misogyny, trans-misogyny and nsfw content and its characterizations and just fjbvkfnb. im a social sciences major and i LOVE discussing infantilization in the context of sex and gender and disability i love that shit. anyway idk where i was going with this but tldr i love ur characterization of goro <3

OHHHHH ANON YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST STARTED.....

prefacing this by saying: i have adhd. although i haven't been able to be properly diagnosed (with the things hooked up to my head etc etc) thanks to america's stunning healthcare, i am like.. 99.999999% sure i have it. my therapist, who i used to see regularly, agrees that i probably have it.

NOW. i'm sure we all know that futaba sakura our favorite gremlin girl ever exhibits some clear symptoms of autism. i don't need to get into it because there's a million and one analyses out there about her behavior, but i will say that i both love/hate how atlus depicted her. on one hand i love that the group just.. accepts her for who she is, i love that they don't try to change her, i love that they don't fall into the "ooh you're so smart though so your disability MUST be a superpower!" trap, and that they mold around her to suit her, and not the other way around.

THAT BEING SAID.....

i have SUCH a bone to pick with how they decided to go about her 'healing' arc. the phantom thieves give her a week--a WEEK--to readjust to society. and yeah i guess that while you could argue that she's just had her trauma supernaturally lobotomized out of her, it doesn't change the fact that she's... still gone through it, you know? just because she learned to stop hating herself for things out of her control doesn't mean her social anxiety disappears in a snap. she turns out alright by the end but the extremely pushy nature of the thieves to get her out of her shell ALWAYS rubbed me wrong. taking things slow and one step at a time is wonderful, and i'm glad they decided to go about that approach instead of just throwing her to the beach like they originally wanted, but they still should have taken it... slower. one week is HARDLY enough.

also, i fucking hate how they constantly talk about her while she's in the same room as them, as if she can't hear what they're saying. they said things like, "oh she's pretty normal, huh" and "she can hold a conversation just fine!" and while their behavior isn't one completely out of the ordinary for dumb teenagers to exhibit, it still really, really pisses me off that they do it wiht her in the SAME ROOM. im sure it wasn't meant to come off this way, but i always got the feeling that they attributed her 'quirkiness' to her not understanding how groups worked at all, which is why they were so open about discussing HER MENTAL HEALTH without including her in the conversation.

okay i'm done with futaba--quick hcs im throwing out there: ryuji has adhd, yusuke also has autism, mishima has autism, goro has ocd. boom bam bop, you've been hit by the 'tism beam.

PLEASE DO POP OFF ABOUT THE INFANTILISM it's honestly such a gross sight.... the amount of times ive seen goro depicted as some small, feminine twink is genuinely staggering, and it's always left such a bad taste in my mouth because i KNOW it's because his character, at least for the majority of the plot, is polite and soft spoken.

not to mention how incredibly fetishizing it feels. i won't get too into it, but the amount of shuakeshu ive seen where one is drawn/written as larger than life/confident/suave and the other is meek/skinny/easily embarrassed? ohhh my god. please. akiren isn't some smooth jerk who makes goro blush with a well-placed quip, and goro isn't a crazed yandere who shuts akiren away from the rest of the world. they're both fucking losers who don't know how to process their feelings for the other because of their very, very embarrassing rivalry. stop degrading one to fit your perfect mlm narrative.

sigh i didn't mean for this to become a social commentary or anything, but .. lo and behold... here we are. i'd love to hear your thoughts on my takes, anon, and i'd love to hear the thoughts for anyone who read thru this too! while i do have adhd/am trans i can't speak for those who fall under the autism spectrum or for cis gay men, so if you'd like to correct me in my thinking PLEASE go ahead and do so, i'd love to be educated on topics i don't fully understand. have a good one <3