#idk sorry ill try to get back on track

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

he likes trying to be smooth but he's too much of a simp not to melt before he finishes a sentence

get smooched, idiot

[peyton-warren]

Okay sorry last one!

Sy knows that you’ve been ignoring your health. (Brushing teeth, showering, eating properly, sleeping properly) but he’s been pleasing you every chance the two of you get.

Could be because you’re with him or you just have been busy, but you get a toothache and he takes you to the base dentist or a regular dentist. It’s something simple like just a stuck popcorn shell or something like that. Or maybe you pass out. Idk 🤷🏼���♀️

He decides that if you want to cum again, you have to take better care of yourself. No grinding either. Every time you do, you suck him off while he teases you. Until you take better care of yourself. No orgasms

I might have taken this one a little off the track you set but we got back on it by the end. There is no smut there is a hell of suggestion at the end. I hope this is ok. And its a weeee bit longer than a drabble. Wrote this all by hand in the woods thanks for the prompt that resonated so much with me.

Characters: Gender Neutral reader, Captain Syverson Pairings: Sy x Reader Fandoms: Sandcastle, Henry Cavill characters Word count: 4111 Type: angst, suggestive Warning: 18+. Warnings: blood, Reader injured, discussion of domestic abuse, self depreciation, discussion of mental illness, daddy kink, potential eating disorder, tiny Daddy kink

Summary: Reader has to be taken to the hospital by their new-ish boyfriend Sy. Sy learns some things about his partner that has Reader worried about their future together.

Author's Note: I have no idea how a real ER works, nor proper medical procedures nor hospital policies.  I manipulated them for my own gain here.  Nor do I fully understand how blood sugars work or what the tests doctors use tell them about your eating habits.  Don't come after me if you know how they actually do work. Also thank you to @ellethespaceunicorn for the beta.

Ask Box: Open Masterlist

Banner by me with an assist by @ellethespaceunicorn Dividers by @cafekitsune

Dazed, you blinked your tired eyes open.  

“There they are,” Sy cooed softly, crouching next to you.  

You blinked again, trying

to focus.

He was next to you on his kitchen floor.  You stared up into the concerned blue eyes above you.

Oh right date night.  You two had been cooking dinner. 

“I didn't know you were afraid of blood,” he said with sincerity, no teasing or judgment in his tone.  

“I’m not,” you said defensively.  Then you realized the last thing you remembered was nicking your finger cutting up veggies and then nothing.  “What happened?” You asked.  

“You passed out,” he told you.  “I saw you waver out of the corner of my eye and caught you in time to keep you from hitting the deck,” he told you.  “How are you feeling?”

“Okay?”

“Just okay?  You think you can sit up?” He offered you a hand.  As you placed your palm in his, he carefully helped you into a sitting position, his other arm gently curving around your back, just in case.  “How’s that?” he asked, squeezing your hand.  

“Okay.  I think.”

“I don't like your uncertainty,” he admitted, softly, looking at you with a deeper concern.  “I’m calling an ambulance.”

“No!” you shook your head vehemently, hating to cause him or anyone even a hit of inconvenience.  “I’m fine.”

“You are not fine, sweetheart,” he told you.  “You look like you have seen a ghost.  You're trembling and your palm hasn't stopped bleeding. We are going to the ER,” he insisted.  “Even if I have to hog tie you and throw you in the back of the truck.”

“Sy, I’m fine,” you tried again.  

Sy moved from you only briefly to grab a kitchen towel that read “Mama Tried,” and returned promptly to press it to your palm which you just now noticed is covered in blood.  “I didn’t think I cut it that bad,” you admitted.  You were unable to assess the damage before it was covered in flour sack material.  

“You jabbed it in there pretty good just before you went down.”  Sy pulled his phone from his pocket.  “Now are you willingly coming with me to the hospital? Or am I calling the squad?”

You knew your stubborn asshole of a boyfriend wasn't going to back down until you were properly checked out.  After a beat, a silence, just a split second before you were certain he was going to open his phone, you relented.   “Alright.”

He placed a hurried kiss to your forehead as he stuffed his phone back in his pocket.  “Good.  Now put your other hand over the towel and I’ll get you to the truck.”

You scoffed at this.  “You are not carrying me to the truck,” you said.  “I’ll get myself out there.  Just get me off the damn floor.”

Sy chucked.  “There’s my sweetheart.  Hold the towel tight,” he insisted just before standing behind you and hooking his hands under your arm and effortlessly lifting you to your feet.  His hand held your upper arm tight as he rounded you and looked intently at your face.  “You al’ite?”

“I’m fine, Sy,” you ground out, done with being fussed over.  

With a single nod, he placed that hand to your lower back and gently guided you to the door. “Easy and gently,” he reminded you.  

“I’ll ‘easy and gently’ you.” You continued to be unhappy with his instance of treating you with such tender care.  You still were not used to dating a decent human being, unsure if you even deserved it.  If he knew how  you really were, maybe he’d throw you away, like all the other partners you had had over the years.

Sy, oblivious of your inner conflict, got you settled into the passenger seat and buckled you in.  “All set, baby?” 

You only nodded, still applying pressure to your cut palm.  He gave you a soft smile and carefully closed your door.  Took him all of two seconds before he was in the driver's seat and starting the engine.  “Let’s get you patched up.”

The drive to the local hospital was over within 20 minutes and was accomplished in silence.  You tried to ignore the new throb in your palm that appeared.  Sy had stopped you once from peeling back the towel by laying his hand over yours.  “You don't wanna do that.”

“I wanna see.”

“No you don’t.  Firstly it'll start bleeding again once you release the pressure,” he used his Captain voice, you knew his military training had kicked in.  “Secondly, I don't need you passing out again when you see it.”

You all but huffed at him.  “I am NOT afraid of blood.”

“You may not be, but you aren't gonna like the looks of that.”

You relented and gave a dramatic sigh.  “Aye, aye, Captain,” you said dryly.

Once you arrived at the hospital, and got through the headache of checking in, the two of you settled in the waiting room. Sy took your injured hand and put it on his thigh, taking over putting pressure on the injury.  You sat in further silence until a nurse called your name, less than 30 minutes later.  Sy kissed your temple and let you take your own hand back.  You both stand and head for the nurse who eyes you 6’4” shadow with suspicion.   “Just them,” the nurse states in a no nonsense voice.

“It's ok,” you reassure her.  “He’s with me.”

“Is he your emergency contact and/or spouse?” she asks you, and your stomach dropped at the thought of going in without Sy.  

“No,” you say in a small voice. 

“But ma’am-”

“Do not,” she cut Sy off.  “Policy is policy.  I don't make it,” she sternly stated.

“You are just the enforcer,” Sy finished for her in a very knowing voice.  

“You got it,” she beamed at him. “Have a seat.  They'll be out as soon as they’re done.”

You gave him a soft smile over your shoulder and mouthed ‘Sorry.’  He kissed your forehead.  “You’re in good hands,” he tried to sound calm for you.  You nodded and followed the scrubbed nurse into the ER.  The door closed behind you with a soft click, signaling it locked.  The nurse led you to a room, flipping the plastic flags over the door to whatever she needs to as you step in.  

“Have a seat on the bed,” she said in a softer tone than she had with Sy.  As she halfway pulled the curtain closed, you settled with your back on the upright position of the gurney.  She clicked at the computer near the bed.  “Laceration on your non-dominant palm.  How did it happen?” she asked, nodding to your hand as she reached for gloves from the rack on the wall. 

“Slipped while cooking dinner,” you offered, leaving out the part where you passed out.  

She eyed you before placing a hand on your wrist.  “Let me take a look.”  

You relinquished the towel which you now realize had a significant amount of blood on it. “Oh geez, I hope he can get that out.”

The nurse’s eyes flit back to your face.  “Who is he?” she conversationally asked.  

“My boyfriend,” you said almost shyly.  This thing between you was still new and fresh, only a few months old.  You were still getting used to using the title for Sy.  

“You live together?” she asked as she put the makeshift bandage back down.  “Hold that again please.”   

You do as you are told.  “No, only been together a few months.” you affirmed.  

She nodded and stripped the gloves from her hands, dropping them into the biohazard trash before turning back to the computer “You are gonna need stitches,” she told you, “but first the doc has to come see you to confirm.”

“Yeah kinda figured that was why my army boyfriend brought me in.  If he coulda handled it himself we wouldn't be here,”  you guessed.  

The nurse pulled a wheelie stool over and sat down near your bedside and looked at you compassionately but no nonsense.  “He the reason you are here?” she asked.  

“Well yeah, he insisted-” 

She shook her head, interrupting you.  “No sweety,” she tried again.  Her name tag/badge read Joy you noticed.  “Are you safe with him?”

Your eyes widened at her meaning. “Yes!” you stumbled over the word, surprised someone would think you are not safe with Sy.  “Absolutely,” you insisted.  “He’d never hurt anyone he cared about much less me,” you defended him further.  

“You have to know how this looks,” the nurse stated.  And you finally put all the pieces together.  “Especially with him being active duty,” she pointed out.  You had heard the rumors that military men were statistically more likely to be the aggressor in domestic violence situations. 

“Not him,” you asserted, trying to think of another way to convince her she had it all wrong.  

Instead she reached out and squeezed your knee.  “It's ok.  I have to ask.  Just a couple more questions and then I'll go get the doctor.”  

You relaxed into the mattress.  “Okay.”

“Do you want your boyfriend back here with you?  I can continue to tell him its policy to keep him out in the waiting room.”

You almost started panicking again at the thoughts that anyone would think anything but the best of Sy.  “No, I want him here please, if I can.”

“Of course you can, especially if he will help you stay calm.” She took a deep breath, holding it for a beat and then releasing it, which you mirrored.  “Will his presence keep you at ease?” Her eyes stared at yours, watching your reaction closely.  

You took another deep breath and nodded.  “Yes please.”  

“Ok sweetie.  If you change your mind, tell me or the doctor you’d like to see ‘Dr. Strong’ and we will get security to remove him from here, okay?”

“I won’t need that,” you assured her.,  “But I’m glad you have that in place for other people to use.  “

She gave you a sad smile. “Unfortunately it's all too common of a situation for us.”  She put her hand on the door handle.  “What’s the boyfriend’s last name?”   

You gave it to her and she nodded.  “I'll go get him now and the Doctor will be with you as soon as he can.”

“Thank you.”

And she was gone.

And you were left alone with your thoughts for a few minutes.  You had never thought so much of as an ill thought about Sy outside of  how obnoxious his snoring was when he’s been drinking and now you felt like you hit the jackpot with Sy.  But also, it felt a bit early to be proclaiming declarations of love.  Sy didn’t seem like the type of man who would ever harm his partner but you had been fooled into thinking the best of others in your past and were proven ---

The door opened and saved you from continuing that thought.  Sy’s face appeared around the curtain with a concerned look as Nurse Joy peeked around him.  “Will be a bit til the doctor will be with you.  Keep holding that towel.”

Sy rounded the bed and sat on the stool the nurse abandoned.  “Thanks,” you said.  “For everything.”

“You are welcome.  Just doing my job.”

And she was gone again, the door closing behind her. “New friend?” Sy asked after that exchange.  

“Something like that,” you affirmed.  

“What’s the verdict?” he nodded towards your hand.  

“Needs stitches,” you stated nonchalantly.  

“And the passing out?” he prompted. 

 You hesitated.  “Oh, ummmm,”   

“You didn't mention that?” he surmised.

“No.”

“Of course not,” he sighed.

You stopped looking at your hands in your lap and flashed your eyes to him.  “What’s that mean?”

Sy just shook his head and laid his hand on your knees closest to him.  “I’ve just noticed you aren't very good at taking care of yourself is all.”  

You get defensive immediately, though this isn't the first time you have heard that from someone else who cared about you.  “I do just fine with that,” you asserted.   

“Then why didn't you mention that to the nurse?”

“Because that's not a big deal,” you attested. “Not as much as bleeding to death.”  You raised your injured hand to illustrate.  “I’m sorry about your towel.”

“I don't give one goddamn about a kitchen towel,” he stated but is interrupted by a knock on the door, drawing both of your attention.  Nurse Joy walked around the curtain with a man in a white coat.  

“Hello here’s Dr. Brock.” 

Sy’s hand squeezed your knee. 

“How are you today?” Dr. Brock asked.  

“Fine outside of trying to filet my palm.  Wait,” you suddenly say.  “I only remember nicking my finger.  When did I slice my palm?” you looked at Sy, and felt the attention of the medical personnel in the room shift to look at him as well.  

“You grabbed for the counter as you passed out,” he simply stated.  

“There was no mention of passing out,” Joy stated, and you realize you had just ratted yourself out.  

“Did you hit your head?” the doctor asked, springing into action to examine your eyes.  

“I don't think so,” you sounded unsure. 

“No they didn’t,” Sy joined the conversation. “I caught them on the way down.”  

Doctor turned half his attention to the attentive boyfriend beside you as he applied gentle pressure around your head.  “Were they out cold?”

“Yes”

“For how long?”  

“At least 3 minutes but it felt like a lifetime,” Sy disclosed.  

Doctor Brock nodded as Joy typed on the computer.  “Let’s get them a CT scan, a CBC panel to start,” he spoke to the nurse who clicked the mouse.  “And a stitch kit for their hand.”  He gave that the briefest of looks and a nod.  “Looks like the bleeding has stopped.  We can take care of that while we wait for radiation to come get them.”

He turned back to you.  “Afraid we are going to keep you from dinner for a bit longer,” he told you.

“It's ok,” you whispered. 

It took another hour, but you found yourself stitched , bandaged, scanned and short a few vials of blood.  You and Sy sat in the room, talking about which fast food to grab on your way back to his place when Dr. Brock and your new favorite nurse returned.  “We have the results from your scan and your blood work,” he told you as he sat down in front of the computer.  Sy’s hand gently squeezed your uninjured hand while the doctor logged in and pulled up your chart.  “Ok,” he paused as he read.  “Your CT scan came back normal.  Nothing unusual in your brain.”

“That's good.”

He nodded as he continued to look at his results.  “There’s a few things in your blood work I’d like to talk to you about.  Your glucose was concerningly down.” 

 “We were in the process of making dinner,” Sy tried.  

“No it was more than just one missed meal,” the doctor told him.

You avoid looking at Sy out of guilt.  ”I may have missed a few meals today.”

“There's only three to miss,” Sy sounded upset, and your stomach flipped.  “How many did you miss?”

“All of them...?” you stated uncertain, again. 

“And the past few days?” the doctor asked.  

You shrugged and looked sheepishly at him.  “A few...”

“Your blood work says more than ‘a few’,” he said sternly but gently.  “And your urinalysis says you are severely dehydrated.” He looked at you.  “How much water do you have every day?”

“Water?” you lamely asked 

“Yes, plain water.  Maybe with some lemon or bubbles in it, but just water?”

“Not much.  I’m more of a coffee kind of girl,” you tried to tell him, aiming for a joke but it falling flat on your audience.

“I’m going to need you to up your intake of water by a lot.”

“For how long?”

“For always,” he looked at you.  “Human bodies need water to survive.” he glanced quickly at the screen before turning back to you.  “How has your depression and anxiety been lately?”  

Well shit.  You looked guiltily at Sy again before answering.  “It's been better.”

“On a scale of 1-5,  l one being the lowest you’ve been and 5 being the best feeling ever, where have you been lately?

Another sideways glance at Sy before answering.  “A 0.5?”

“I see,” the doctor said and typed a few things.  

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sy asked, sounding more than a little hurt.

The shrug you give him does nothing to remove the look from his face.  

“What can I do for them, Doc?” he asked, his eyes never leaving your face.

You opened your mouth to protest but Dr. Brock beat you to it. “That’s up to them as to what they need. But open communication is a good start.”  That was directed at you.  “And reassuring them they are worth taking care of themselves.”  That was directed at Sy.

“I can handle that,” your boyfriend stated.  

“Glad to hear it.  Nurse Joy will get you your instructions and get you checked out.  You can have your GP pull the stitches in 14 days.  And go over your mental health needs with them too, please.”

You just nodded.  

“Take care of each other.”  And he was gone out the door.  

The ride home was as silent as the ride to the ER but for different reasons.  You felt the anger rolling off Sy.  You were ashamed at having your mental health issues revealed to him in such a manner.  This relationship was still too new and now you were afraid he was going to ditch you and run for the hills.

“You can just drop me at my car in your driveway and I’ll head home,” you surmised you had fully ruined your date night if not your whole relationship.

“What?” Sy sounded confused.  “No.” He pulled his eyes from the road for a second to look at you.  If you weren't wrong, he looked hurt again.  “We are grabbing dinner and then we are gonna talk about what is going on in that beautiful head of yours.”

“Look if you wanna break up with me-”

“What kind of assholes have you dated, sweetheart?” he asked angrily and your mouth audibly snapped shut followed by a soft sniffle.  He DID think you were an idiot and he was going to ditch you tonight.  You knew it.  Trouble was he held you hostage until he returned you to your car.  And the sound of your next sniffle, Sy hit his blinker and pulled the truck into the first parking lot on his right,parking his truck across 4 spots before turning in his seat to look at you, his hand landing on your forearm. “Please talk to me,” he softly said.  “Whatever it is, I'm here.”

“You hate me,” you asserted.   “I’m a horrible person.  And now you know the truth about me.”

Sy’s hand flew up to the ceiling of the truck and flipped the light on and watched you wiped at your tears.  “Did I say any of that?” he asked. “Ever.”  

You shook your head.  “No but you probably are thinking about it now that you know.”

“Know what? That you have a mental illness that makes your life hard to navigate?”

“Yeah.” you sniffled. 

“For fuck’s sake, darlin’, do you know how many of my men have mental illnesses, both diagnosed and not?  And I trust them literally with my life,” Sy tried again, agitation just on the edge of his voice.  He took a breath and tried another time.  “Sweetness, whatever you have going on , I ain't lying when I tell you I’m here for you, for all of it.:”

“But-”

“No buts, gorgeous, you aren't getting rid of me that easily,” he insisted, giving you a small smile, which you did not return.  “Unless you want me to go.  I hope you don't.  You seemed like you were enjoying our evening tonight before your swan dive.” You smiled at that.  “But if you want out, let's talk about that and I’ll try to convince you to stay so I can fix whatever it is you don't like but I do not want out.  I make that call, not you,” he asserted gently.  

You sat in stunned silence for a moment.  All your standard cookie cutter responses to try to convince someone you were a horrible person died on your tongue, leaving you with nothing to say.  

At another beat of silence, Sy grabbed his phone from the center console.  “Do you want pizza or tacos for dinner?”

~~~~~~~~~

Once you were safely at his house with your dinner, Sy left you at the kitchen table as he took an exuberant Aika outside to potty and chase a ball around for a few minutes.  By the time he returned, you had set the table and were in the process of cleaning up the mess you had left on his floor, on his counter, your blood mixed with food that had been left out too long.  

Sy dramatically sighed when he found you trying to one handedly clean everything up.  “Will you stop before you hurt yourself further?”  You looked at him sheepishly.  “But thank you,” he tried instead.  “Thank you for setting the table.”  He took your good hand and escorted you to the table set with two plates, two glasses of water and the only candle you could find in his house and you were fairly certain it was a gift from his mom or sister.  He pulled your chair out for you and you rolled your eyes as you sat down, but you sat down.  “Good baby,” he mumbled into the crown of your head.  “One slice or two?” he asked, chivalrously opening the box for you to see the options available as if you weren’t in the truck when he ordered your usual pizza.  

“You are a dork,” you informed him. 

“Yes, but I am your dork,” he told you, pulling two pieces to put on your plate.  “Since you didn’t eat at all today, you get two.  And you have to eat them all, even the crusts.  And drink all your water too,” he informed you. 

You made a face at him but nodded, agreeing to those terms.  “Okay, Daddy,” you teasingly mutter as you pull a stringy bit of cheese and pop it in your mouth.  

Sy growled low in his throat, a noise you only heard when you did something he liked in the bedroom and you felt your belly heat at finding a new kind of his and one you didn't object to.  You smirked at him as he sat down, your focus now on his darkening eyes. “You wanna play with Daddy, little one?” he menacingly asked you.  You nodded enthusiastically, your ravenous hunger shifting from the pizza to the man in front of you.  

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes, Daddy.” you started to rise from the table to move towards him.  

“Sit your pretty ass down,” he commanded without raising his voice.  You felt yourself grow hotter at his tone, immediately and unthinkingly settling back into your spot.  “You will eat everything on your plate, or you will not leave this table, am I clear?”   Normally you would balk at such a statement but now you just nodded.   “I need words, little one.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Good baby,” he commended.  “You will also drink everything in your glass, do you understand?”  You lost focus, you wondered if this is the tone he took with his men and if so did any of them get turned on as you were right now.  “Hello, pretty baby?” Sy’s voice broke through your wandering thoughts.  

“Yes Daddy, I mean Sir.  I mean Daddy,” you stuttered, unsure what title to use, both seeming fitting at this moment. 

“I see that attention is a problem for you.  So let me try a different approach,” he asserted.  “If you have everything on your plate, drink all the water I give you and take your daily meds if you haven't yet,” he raised a questioning eyebrow at you, knowing you usually packed your medications with you when you came over for date night.  “You can cum tonight.  If you don’t do those things, all you’ll get to do is help me cum, am I clear?”

You swallowed loudly, knowing he was not at all joking in her terms.  “Yes, Daddy.”  And you took a big bite of cooling pizza.

“Good baby.”

General Tag List: @ellethespaceunicorn @littleone65, @mysweetlittledesire, @jvanilly, @identity2212,

@avengersfan25, @foxyjwls007 @gummydummy19 , @cynic-spirit , @rosecentury

HC Tag LIst: @m07belzen, @used-to-be-bourbonwithice, @hawklin, @geralts-yenn @summersong69,

@sillyrabbit81 @mistressmkay

Syverson tag list: @mrsevans90 @wunder-blunder

Please let me know if you want to be added to (or removed from) any of them. AND Just cuz I think you'll be interested in seeing it I am gonna tag @deandoesthingstome

[haecien]

SEVENTEENS reaction to their s/o being scared/screaming about bugs.

Note: I have no idea who is & is not scare of bugs in svt... this is just my interpretation!! If there is a video/post about this tell me!!! also fun fact, a Cockroach was roaming around my room while writing

Warning: mentions of killing, the word die😭 all of this is jokes, none of these are real! slight cursing!

Genre: fluff, jst fluff

766 words 3,883 characters

C.SC -

At first he thought you were dying when he heard your blood curtailing scream, turns out there was a fly just roaming around and it happen to just touch your face.

Now he has learned to carry at least 1 tiny can of bug spray just for you, it gives him a heart attack over your screams. He finds it a bit cute whenever you clung to him after seeing a bug near you.

Y.JH -

Same reaction for the first time of coups. But.... instead of comforting he just... almost teased you to death/j

He'd secretly hide those fake toys of bugs ALL around your shared house/apartment/...idk any living place lmao

You'd almost kill him for doing that, still gets you everytime. Ofc he made it up to you, he is still your boyfriend after all

" Hey... come on I'm sorry! I forgot to remove itt"

*silent treatment*

H.JS -

He would try to calm you down at first, if you were still wailing about the bug he would try and kill it or carefully place it outside.

He would endlessly caress you and tell you that you're alright

(Bro im giggling)

"Joshua i swear ill love you til I die" " Then die😊🤭" /j

(If ykyk)

W.JH-

Who knows he'll eat the bug, jk. He would prob scream with you, he'll act up like " I'll protect you! " then comes running back to you terrified

" YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS THAT BIG " " WAAAHAA I KNOW... "

Eventually he sucked it up and very "bravely" shoo shoo away the bug. BEGONE! " You know! I was just acting, I wasn't really scared... " " Totally.... "

K.SY-

" AAAAAAAAA " Wow is HE more scared than YOU? Yes, a matter of fact he is.... " You know i've seen tigers beat bigger enemies... yet you're scared of a single bug?? I guess you're not really a tiger. "

Those exact words, they made him furious and he quickly got a broom and vigorously whacked the bug away! In times of need you just made him question his identity as a tiger.

J.WW-

Honestly, would be kinda chill. He carefully took a piece of paper and a glass and scooped up the bug and placed it outside.

He asked if you wanted to play with him to help you calm down, you said yes NEVER wanting to set a foot outside right now. (Ok now imagine resting your head on his broad ass shoulders while playing and he'd run his fingers through your hair)

L.JH-

Same reaction as Wonwoo, BUT It would take him awhile to come down from his room😭the time he came down you'd almost started thinking of burning this entire house to the ground. (No reason, i keep thinking about the fluffy hair jihoon with THE black turtleneck shirt that's kinda tight)

X.MH-

So... Fuck it he's letting you take care of it/j yeah he's gnna flame that bug, BURN THE WITCH! If he mocks you about this you would bring up the thing with him and frogs😭(if you don't know I remember seeing a video of seeing minghao being scared of irl frogs but not animated ones ex: keroppi)

K.MG-

Hes a big boy... but he's just a puppy tbh, LITTERALLY LOOK (I got off track sorry HAJSJSK Free gyu pics ig HAHA)

Deff is also scared of the bugs too, poor baby just stood there frozen while the bug flew on his face. Prob had to call a friend to help you HAHA

L.SK-

You know he's gnna hit those high notes, who's going to help you both in this state oh my god. "YOU'RE THE MAN. GO GET IT. " the bug flew away before you both could even do anything " Sunshine i drove it away!! " ".... YaaYyyy.... " *dies*

H.VC-

" HANSOL... " he looked at you confused literally deadass holding the now DEAD bug in his hands " what do I do with it? Throw it o-- " "NO! " bitch I thought you were scared of it " ... ill just do whatever "

B.SK-

He gets scared easily too so... hajimalago/j would be sassy about it " Why don't you get it! You saw it first " kind of guy you'd end up bickering with him too much that the bug decided to just dip out

L.CN-

The only guy who actually protected you HELP, you'd move to another room and let him take care of it. He'd keep reassuring you that you were fine and that the bug was gone, no more bugs will bother you anymore

[miasthoughtsteeheehawhaw]

eye symbolism?? idk man its late and i have thoughts (this is about bakugou btw)

so in mha's artstyle the child characters are drawn with big eyes (which is not unheard of in anime and manga) and i got to thinking that this probably symbolizes some sort of childhood innocence (being kids and all)

so bakugou, has innocence in these flashbacks right? hes just a kid after all (his eyes are a touch smaller and more angular which is either just a stylistic choice or something ill dig real deep into at some point idk im just trying to crank these words out before i go to bed)

but obviously the big-eyed look is not on bakugou for very long as if we look at him nowadays his eyes appear to have shrunk just a tad

(also, sidenote: do you even understand how hard it is to find a picture of bakugou thats not either fan art or surrounded by hearts and shit? sorry anyway)

look at them dinky eyes. now what has happened to this goblin of a boy? ill tell you.

society

^please read that in a posh old timey british accent please it makes it funny please laugh at my jokes i promise im actually funny guys i swear

anyway lets get into quirkism (is that the word? idk). so because reasons i dont need to explain, quirkism is deeply ingrained into society, so when children develop (or dont develop) their quirks, the 'strong' kids are idolized by not only their fellow children but their teachers and adults in their life as well, which may lead to a somewhat inflated ego....not gonna name names but BAKUGOUBAKUGOUBAKUGOUBAKUGOUBAKUGOUBAKUGOU

anyway

so hes been hardened by societys expectations of him so of course hes gonna be a little mean (okay i admit a little is a bit of an understatement given the whole 'kill yourself' bit, not his finest moment, i must say) so am i excusing his behavior? NO! HE DID A BAD THING

however it would not have reached that point if someone had intervened. maybe said something along the lines of 'hey bakugou maybe dont bully that guy thats really shitty' but bakugou never faced any consequences for it really. his gaggle of goons encouraged it and the teachers never stopped it.

this post started with eyes...i got a little side tracked...whoops anyway back to eyes

you may be thinking: 'mia youre stupid and wrong, the change in eye size is just to show that bakugou is older.' and to that i say NUH UH

i raise you midoriya

TAKE A GANDER AT THEM BIG OLE EYEBALLS!

i think they represent his hope and resilience and his willingness to be vulnerable

eyes are the window to the soul and his are so big you can see right through them. you can SEEEEE

but bakugou yall, he got them dinky eyes. theyre small and closed off because he sees vulnerability as a weakness. what does bakugou hate? being weak. so hes got small eyes so no one can see him

anyway i totally read wayyy too much into that but i mean, let a gal have fun

[shreddeddescent]

Okay the thing about the fucked up au is that I have so many questions and I'm 100% sure that all of the answers will make me nauseous but I'm so fucking curious like how exactly did it happen was it when they were kids or what and was it an injection or did the Shredder threaten Leo with something and UGH I HATE THIS

YEAH YEAH NO I GET YOU. honestly im actually so glad to be asked? cuz a lot of this feels... ugh. like shameful? like everyone hates me for saying this? but the catharsis man... idk. its obviously fucked up, but its like. healing fucked up. so if anyone actually wants to know that feels good honestly, makes me feel less bad.

if youre okay with hearing about me be vague about the dark shit then here you go. still like. i really dont think i could post this as a real fic honestly it would be rated explicit for the bad reasons and its not good enough to warrant that. and its embarrassing. but ill post a snippet in here too of like howwwww everybodies doin in the middle of it

so warnings for. every fucking thing you can think of honestly. csa forced incest violence drugging etc. its bad.

no it was not injection im sorry to say. it was an intense drugging situation. the kids are fucking traumatized big time, hence the need for therapy. like the unavoidable need this time (ala... if april offered that before and splinter was like 'he can be okay enough to not warrant that for his own safety' this time there was no question they need help)

this isnt when they were kids, this is like current. 17 yr old raph andddd do the math backwards. shredder managed to kidnap raph and his brothers failed at a rescue mission to save him. woke up all in glass cages in stockman's lab in foot tower. stockman is there making them do it. hes got a special drug thing. hes monologuing about what hes gonna do with the offspring shredder lets him have. its dark. leo's basically keeping everybody sane by compartmentalizing the next steps of escape the whole time, but its... its daily. it makes a lot of raph's already somewhat obvious DID symptoms worse, as the first day he goes fucking comatose and wont speak or move while they do it, which donnie in particular feels like SHIT about, because raph is like... fucking asleep. so stays present the next day because of how shitty donnie said he felt. unfortunately shredder's there too and suddenly raph's behaving too obedient and like. the door is open and he doesnt try and leave. one of his brothers bites him hard enough he needs medical attention, but he's awake enough that he gets his hand on a screwdriver in stockman's pocket. but its in his cage, so you know.

actually feels like an important snippet here for how its going in there.

--

Raph lets out a breath and sits up straight.

“Is he gone for real?” He asks without looking up.

Leo eyes him carefully.

“What did you grab?”

Donnie and Mikey look over and Raph unfurls his fist.

It’s a screwdriver.

Leo grins.

“Perfect!”

Raph sighs and slumps back against the wall. “No good for me.” He fiddles with it in his hands. It’s pretty small. Unless he wanted to use it as a weapon, which was a bad idea. It was useless.

“Yeah, but good for Donnie. Right?”

He looked over at Donnie who was leaning towards him trying to get a look.

“It… could help me see if I can find the panel where the nanobots come out. Too big to directly try and mess with them.”

“It could also be used to jam in the tracks to let the doors open mid movement.” Leo added, pointing at the tracks on the ceiling.

“It would also look really good jammed into Stockman’s eye socket.” Mikey said darkly.

They all nodded at that.

Raph huffed and rested the back of his head against the wall.

Mikey whined. “But to get it to Donnie that’s… another day of this…”

They all were silent for a moment.

Leo lightly tapped the glass to get everyone's attention.

“Hey. It’s one more day, or forever. I’ll take one more instead.”

Raph idly touched the bandage on his neck, he saw Mikey recoil.

“I-I’m sorry Raph…”

He sighed and held his knees, squeezing the screwdriver in his fist.

“It’s fine… it’s not a big deal…”

“Raph… thanks for… saving me earlier…” Donnie mumbled.

He looked up at him.

“I didn’t do anything. Don’t worry about it.”

Donnie’s eyes were wet.

“I-I told you to stay awake… a-and then Shredder… I-I know you’re scared of him and I’m s-so sorry…”

Raph shot him a sad smirk.

“Hey, I got you back. I bit you. Call it even.”

Donnie touched his own neck where Raph had nipped him in the end. He’d been terrified of how anguished Donnie was about biting him in the first place, so felt he needed to ease his mind.

He would never tell him that though.

“Raph… I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” Leo was frowning at him.

“Psh, what are you talking about?”

“You… you told me not to egg dad on, I really didn’t think he’d…” he took a breath. “I’m sorry.”

Raph shrugged.

“I really thought you might leave, and I wouldn’t blame you. You should have just left while he was distracted and gotten Stockman. That was probably the smarter move.”

Leo’s brows furrowed and he slumped down against the glass, holding his hand against the glass in Raph's direction.

“I.. I thought about it, but I couldn’t let dad…”

“Rape me again.” He finished. “Yeah, I get it, you’re nice but it would have been better if he had.”

“You don’t mean that.”

Raph growled and shot up shakily, slamming his arms against the glass and glared wildly at him.

“Look at me Leo!” He shouted. They all went quiet and stared. “I’m not a person right now! I don’t have any needs or feelings! I’m the incubator! There’s no fucking point worrying about me!”

“Raph…” Mikey tried.

“No!” He shot Mikey a glare too. “Enough! Stop fucking looking at me the way you all are! It doesn’t matter in the short term okay?! You guys can’t keep worrying more about my feelings than getting out of here!”

Donnie whined and curled in tighter.

He turned to glare at him next.

“If you want me awake I’ll stay awake! If you need me to lead I’ll do it! I don’t care anymore! I don’t have any body autonomy! Don’t fucking think of me as a person I’m your JOB! The fucking bullshit day to day that doesn’t matter! What matters is getting out!”

“Raph���?” Leo says softly.

He shoots his glare back at Leo.

“I don’t care if the Shredder rapes me for hours, if you have a way to get out you take it and leave me to come back later! I DON'T CARE!!!!” He booms, slamming his fists on the glass. He slides down the wall, pressing his forehead against it and tapping it gently. “I-I don’t… I don’t care anymore…” he feels tears falling down his cheeks, he wasn’t aware he was crying.

They all just watched him sob against the door.

“Y-you… should eat, Raph…” Leo tried. “I.. I need you to be strong and ready for tomorrow, okay…?”

Raph put on a steely gaze and nodded, moving to the corner of the room where his paste had landed and opened it.

They all just watched him sadly. He could feel it.

“I’m not your brother right now. I’m your sister who’s dead. She doesn’t care what you do. When we get out you can apologize to me all you want, but right now? I’m dead and it doesn’t matter.”

“Okay Raph…” Mikey said.

“You… you can be asleep tomorrow Raph.” Donnie tried. “I-I’m sorry I made you not be…”

“No.” He said sharply. “No, I need to be present. I gotta bring you this.” He held up the screwdriver without looking behind him.

He tucked it back into his fist and squirted the paste into his mouth.

“Let’s all just hope I'm not pregnant so we have to go again. Or else we’re well and truly fucked. Or well… I guess I’m getting fucked either way. Whatever. You get what I mean.”

--

“He’s not okay…” Mikey said softly as he could so only Leo could hear him.

Leo stared at his backside as he ate and drank water, he was done talking to them for the day. It was fair.

Leo looked at Mikey, he looked utterly depressed as he stared at Raph.

“He compartmentalizes, you know that…” Leo softly says back. “He’s doing that to survive first, worry later.

“This is going to break his brain forever if we don’t get out soon…”

Leo scoffed a little and lay down, scooping up his own container of paste and squirting some in his mouth.

“Raphs brain has always been broken, don’t worry.”

He saw Mikey glare at him.

He gulped back the tasteless slop hard and smiled apologetically.

“What I mean is he’s used to this kind of shit. It’s not gonna break him as bad as you think. He is the way he is cuz he knew about this before.”

“That really doesn’t make me feel better…”

“Just eat Mikey. We’ll be out of here tomorrow, I promise.”

“You can’t promise that…” he mumbled as he picked up his own food and idly nibbled at it.

Leo turned to look at Donnie, who was laying on the floor inspecting the nanobot grate, trying to see between the grooves.

He shuffled over to speak to him.

“Any ideas?”

“I think they’re a control hatch back there. The screwdriver will work, I’m sure. Then it’s just a matter of trying to program them.”

“You think you can do it?”

“I have to.” He said seriously.

Leo nodded solemnly, leaning into the corner. “You’re worried about Raph.”

“Obviously. I think it’s my fault.”

“If he was asleep he wouldn’t have the key. He’s right, we have to ignore our feelings to get out.”

Donnie huffed and sat up, taking a chug of the water provided.

“That’s what I’m trying to do.”

“Do… we think the misgendering is gonna get to his psyche?”

Donnie shrugged. “What else could go wrong with his psyche at this point? He’s so fucking used to this now. And not just from this, from before.”

Leo sighed and watched him across the room. He was chugging back his water.

“I didn’t know he was THAT fucked up.”

“You never asked. You guys fought all the time, for obvious reasons.”

“Obvious?” He turned to look at Donnie who stared at him like he was stupid.

“I mean. You literally took everything he had just cuz he was born wrong, in his eyes. And when we were younger you’d mock him for it. It made sense, cuz he was so mean to you and you didn’t know why, but… he fucking hates himself, he has ever since he hit puberty.”

Leo frowned and rubbed his arm.

“I… I didn’t know that… how did you know that..?”

“Cuz I pay attention. No one was ever looking at me, so I just tried to figure out what was going on.”

“So… this whole… being female thing is literally like… the thing he hates most?”

“Duh.”

“Jesus we need to get him out of here.”

“Again, duh.” Donnie was now swallowing back his paste.

Leo pressed his fists to his forehead.

“God I need to apologize to him…”

“Yeah, but not till we’re out. You heard him. He’s not Raph right now, don’t pull him back into this. Just do what he wants until we get out.”

Leo took a deep breath and sat up.

“Yeah. Yeah okay.”

--

the last day hes slash (before we or they know who slash is) and when leo gets in that cage with him that day it all gets worse, cuz slash knows every fucking thing about raph's traumas and he knows leo has fucked up somehow, and hes taking it out on him. and leo finally has to apologize for everything to calm him down. its kind of nuts.

but it was only a few days, and they do escape. and they uh are VERY blood thirsty afterwards, lot of fucking dead foot ninja. lot of laughing as they do it. they run into shredder during and raph finally fucking lets all that rage loose on the person who deserves it. we are talking about brains smashed in rage. we are talking THROWS his corpse in a fire and watches it burn. CATHARSIS.

they couldnt like. touch each other outside of... you know. hence the need to feel like overly affectionate with each other afterwards, hence raph spiralling about that, hence the blow up with splinter. he genuinely feels like a slut about it. and its hard. but like this is why the therapy big mama is giving them is good. thats why its so fucked up.

but obviously! they paid for her services somehow.

so. if you uhhhhh hated hearing all of that im sorry. again its not something i really wanna post in full, but jesus its my ownnnn fun fucked up little world where the characters are not okay but theyre gonna be.

[hkthatgffan]

As someone dying of lupus (it's hard to draw atm due to shakey hands), and is slow with comissions, I never ask for money first, rather than after i finish. And if I don't get it done in 3 months, I apologize and try to give them a free doodle of their choice, no money given to me at all.

Even if I moved slow, I'd always keep them up to speed with what was happening, if I can/cannot do the drawing or give them something small and free to compensate for the months gone by so at least someone gets a little something for waiting.

And if I get it done, then I get my payment (since my health is unpredictable, I like to get paid after. Makes me feel better, to not be paid upfront because it makes me feel better on touching up, asking if changes needed to the art, anything added, etc. Or if my health simply won't allow, at least they'll get something in the end.)

Idk. I just find it rather cruel to leave people in the dark like that. I deal with abuse, awful illnesses litterally tearing me apart, i've lost half if not most my family and had to do artwork or refund/explain if artwork couldn't be completed regardless.

There's no excuse to leave people behind, block, ignore,ghost, and run off with cash.

I've met really rude people in this fandom, and I really wish people would just take five seconds to go "ok here's what's happening, do you want your cash back?" Like it's not hard.

The day of the last few gf episodes, I was in the hospital because my organs weren't working properly and almost exploded my digestive track due to nerve damage,

Yet I still managed to

Let my friends know the art trades will be unfinished and you won't need to give me anything in return (because i always prefer to do them first incase something happens)

Let those who did used to pay me first get their 15 bucks back

All while my insides almost ruptured from gastroparesis 🎉🥳 and my friend died all in the same day i went and stayed two weeks in the hospital desperately trying to apologize for the delay and doing whatever I could to explain my situation and if they needed anything in return/makeup for it.

That's straight up MEAN to ignore and block someone and run off with the cash. There's no excuse.

Even when I was screaming in agony in my hospital bed, I still managed to give a refund or something or talk to the person and not leave them in the dust. :/

I am so sorry you were left in the dark.

OMG, I'm so, so sorry about all you've been through. That is honestly a truly painful and horrible thing to endure I wouldn't wish on even my worst enemies and people who like with you, made me endure some of the worst that I've seen from people in this fandom.

But also you're right. No matter the reason and no matter how long it may be, a person who has accepted a job...be it an art commission or something else, should at the bare minimum, communicate with the person they are being paid to do that for.

The sad thing is that me and everyone I mentioned in my post had been doing things the right way for ages. We gave Kiki-Kit time (more than we should've), communicated to her through the proper channels she had set up, were nice and patient and yet she never responded to any of us. It literally left us with no choice but to call her out...something none of us wanted to do!

That's what really disappoints me about it all. IDC if she was to take another year to finish my commission. It was a non time sensitive comm I just got from her cause it was a chance to support an artist I respected and admired who was going through a rough time and get a personalized art piece from them. But her lack of communicating really has been upsetting. No matter what she was going through, she could have at least made a post or update to us saying things would take time or even just not say an arbitrary completion date and then miss it with months without another update. No one would be mad at her if she just communicated with us better. That's all that this boils down to; lack of communication!

I get upset and apologize if I miss messaging someone back even for a few hours. And I feel even worse if I miss a DM or message sent my way and then see it maybe days later. None of us are after Kiki-Kit or want her to be remembered for this by the fandom. It pained me greatly to make that post. But with all that has come out, it was overdue.

I still believe she can rectify this all if she just responds and agrees to refund or complete comms from everyone still waiting, that's all it'll take. I doubt anyone will wanna buy a comm from her again who are aware of all this, but at least it's better than not responding to people who fucking paid her and are waiting!

At this point personally, I'm getting my money back from her if she does offer it and so are probably everyone else who I've spoken to. It's not something I want to do given the whole reason behind why she did those comms in the first place...but this whole situation has just left a bad taste in us all and quite frankly, we've had enough.

I just hope if or when Kiki-Kit does address this all, she does better moving forward.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

How do you settle down to write? Like do you put music on, have a certain set up, a snack?

I’m mainly asking because I have multiple fanfic on hiatus (some for 3 years 💀💀💀) because I can’t just sit down and write 😭

I have all this inspiration, and all these ideas (I have 582 open docs 0-0) but struggle to write more than a few sentences a week. I’m not short on ideas by any means, I just can’t WRITE them.

Okay so you gotta figure out what works for you. I read this and my immediate reaction was "well I can't answer that, I just sit down and write, that's not going to be helpful". And I do just sit down and write, I have a lot of things I'm working on, but I pick one or two a day to do and then I just write.

BUT I use 4thewords which is a website that creates an RPG around writing. Every amount you write can progress the story, give you in-game rewards, and help you build a writing streak (at the time of writing I am at 999 days in my streak (I have absolutely missed days but you can recover those with stempos)). I'll be honest, I haven't read a single game pop-up that actually explains the story, I literally don't care about it. But I knew I wrote the most when I was at school participating in Nanowrimo where I could do word sprints and word crawls with other people, and I couldn't hold myself accountable to do them on my own. But the monsters on 4thewords and the quests that can be done help me to stay on track and keep writing.

On days when I don't want to write, I still often end up groaning and saying ugh, if I just defeat ten monsters that each are only 44 words, then I can earn my daily chest, that won't take that long. And I do it. Or if I'm at 3.8k words and I want to stop, ugh there's another reward if I hit 4k, so I might as well just finish the last 200 words. And then, oh wait, there's another reward at 5k, how long will 1k more take me?

I use this site because it has built-in goals and rewards so that I have accountability outside of myself to keep me motivated and producing words. That's the method that I've found works best for me. If you're someone who likes external goals and deadlines, then that might work for you too (or a different similar site-- this one does have a paid subscription, but there is also a free trial to give it a go if you'd like).

If you think that having outside deadlines is too much pressure, then this probably isn't the method for you. Do you edit too much as you write? Try writing in white font on a white page (or whatever color you'd like) so that you can't see what you're writing. Do you get distracted researching something that will amount to one line of text? Put that thing [in brackets] and don't research it until you are going back to edit and adjust from there (same works with naming places or characters). Do you need other people to motivate you? Join a forum (4thewords has lots of these but I don't visit them) or have an IRL buddy who will check in with you and ask you if you wrote that day. Is your writing space uncomfortable? Too comfortable? Optimize it for you! No motivation due to mental illness? Been there, fully understandable, take the time you need to work on that first and other things will start to fall back into place as the brain recuperates.

Not writing when you want to write means that something else is going on, and it has to be you who figures out what that is and makes the changes that are needed to get you writing again. Idk if this was actually helpful, but literally I roll out of bed every day thinking about doing my dailies like a mobile gamer so like... this is all I've got, sorry!

[uraverageimp]

Ok, so uhm, finally finished!

I got lazy with the design lmao- (and also got too lazy to finish the rest of the chain)

I'm proud of the eyes tho, so pritti!! :3 ♡♡☆

ok anyways-

So In this AU, Adam was a fallen Angel (was fallen before exterminations exists) bc ????? I don't know the reason, this was just a poorly thought of AU that came to me like a vision when I was tired, barely awake and sleep deprived at 3AM. Idk abt that but I'm sure I'll come up with a good reason maybe in about 4 months or so- anyways, back on track.

After his fall from grace, he gets desperate to get back on his feet, so he makes a deal with this woman who let's call B (cuz she's a bitc-) and B owns a talent agency and Adam is pretty good with the guitar so she offers to be his manager in exchange for his soul (I think that's how it works? Idrk and Idrc abt logistics, this is just a silly AU I made) and Adam accepts her offer and starts working as a singer/guitarist in a band with 3 other dudes called "__". (I'm trying to come up with a clever name but nothing seems to be going on in this mind of mine. Pls help)

He gets popular and is pretty much well known. He sleeps around a lot (he has extreme hypersexuality) has a terrible alcohol, cigarette and drug addiction, is depressed, has severe anxiety and PTSD, abandonment issues, dependent, trauma, etc... all those good character ingredients that makes them much more flavorful.

His relationship with B is an open one but B can get very possessive at times. B has sharp nails, she would sometimes grab Adam very hard that it scratches him and during sex would scratch him that results to him bleeding.. a lot.. everywhere- (he has many scars from B and SH). During fights, B would always bring up the fact that if it weren't for her, taking him in, giving him a job. He would still have been on the streets and/or dead by now (which is true) so Adam's basically powerless and indebted to her. And ig that's all that i could think of saying for now, I'm pretty sure i had a lot more to say but I think i lost it somewhere.. I swear I just put it here... ah- anyways-

Conclusion: B is a gaslighting, manipulative, lying narcissistic bitch.

And Adam has 10+ mental illnesses/issues and a shit load of trauma that not even therapy can fix

TL;DR: Adam is a rockstar and is in a deal he can't escape. He's also in an abusive relationship with the woman holding his soul/his manager. :3 (He also has a shit ton of trauma)

Uhm I'm very bad at explaining so sorry if you don't understand it much 😭

Also, sorry if the color coding is annoying, i got carried away TT _ TT

[quietwingsinthesky]

Idk how easily you could fit this into 200 words so feel free not to fill this prompt but I think a samifer time loop would be fun

i have. a few hundred extra words about it. if that helps. (<- guy who is so so late)

Sam flinches from Jess’s hand as it ghosts across his face. “You’re not her,” he says, exhausted. There’s a part of Lucifer that mourns the moments they could have shared in blissful ignorance and another that’s so proud of his vessel for recognizing him through the face he wears

And then, Sam whispers, “Not again. I can’t do this again.” He rolls away from Lucifer to get his feet under him. His shoulders hang heavy as he sucks in a breath. Lucifer sheds one face for another as easily as breathing. Even in dreams, Nick is ill-fitting. Sam moves out of Lucifer’s reach again before his hand is even halfway to the small of his back.

“I won’t say yes,” Sam says, pacing his way across the room away from Lucifer. Lucifer nods, understanding. He expected to wait, as eager as he was to approach Sam.

“I-”

“You will lie to me,” Sam cuts him off. Lucifer frowns.

“I-” he tries again.

“And you can’t help me. I don’t- It doesn’t matter if you do, but it’s worse when you try.”

“I wasn’t about to offer to help you.” Lucifer is thoroughly confused by now. The way Sam stares at him makes him uneasy. Lucifer is used to being the monster, unknown and dangerous. Sam is watching his every movement like he knows them, waiting for the warning before Lucifer strikes. “But if you need my-” Sam flinches.

“I skipped a few steps. Sorry. Don’t.” He swallows. “Don’t.” He looks like he’s been backed into a corner and beaten. Lucifer knows the feeling too well. He’s only just thrown it off, and he wants Sam to have that freedom.

“Sam, I want to give you-”

“The only promise you can make right now that you’ll be able to keep is that you’ll hurt me.” Lucifer stands. Sam takes a step back, and there’s panic across his face that freezes Lucifer in his tracks.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he says, very softly, like Sam will spook if he raises his voice a decibel and for all he knows, he will. “Even if I can’t help.” Sam hears the emphasis he places on the ‘if’, but he finds no comfort in it.

“Why are you always kind when it starts?” Sam asks. His voice is too worn for him, too old. “Was it- Was it always a trick? Why do you change?” He comes closer, and Lucifer tamps down on the instinctive reaction to mirror him, meet Sam’s steps with his own to bring them together.

“I don’t understand,” Lucifer says.

“I know.” And then there’s a sharp, horrible laugh that erupts from him. “You know what’s worse? You’re the only one who ever believes me. Dean doesn’t trust me enough right now to take my word for it, and, uh… Whatever keeps me here hides the memories from Cas, so he’s with Dean on me losing my mind.”

“Sam,” Lucifer interrupts. Sam words jump out of him, like he can’t stop himself.

“Sorry.” Lucifer wants to touch him. He’s so close, so temptingly within reach, and Lucifer could comfort him, he’s sure. If Sam would only let him, Lucifer could fix whatever’s wrong. He has no sense for how powerful an archangel is. He’s never known how much Lucifer will bend reality to please Sam. “You’re not going to like any of what I’m about to say,” Sam warns, “but you can’t change it and neither can I. If there was, I would have found it by now.” Lucifer is about to speak, but Sam, again, interrupts. “I do have to say that now, yeah. Trust me. I know you better than you know yourself.”

Lucifer does not stop the skeptical expression crossing his face, no matter how sure of himself Sam sounds.

“In the Cage, you used to relive Michael beating you down into Hell.” The words are shaped to hurt, but the way Sam says them isn’t. It’s become rote, fact alone as though he’s said this same thing to cut through Lucifer before.

“How do you know that?” Too loud. Sam flinches from him. Lucifer softens his voice immediately, steps away from Sam to encourage him to meet his gaze again rather than look at Lucifer’s hands.

“Because you told me.” Sam’s mouth twitches with a long-dead moment of humor. “Because we used to do this with a movie Nick had seen, but you kept getting caught on there being a way to escape.” Sam does, gingerly, meet his eyes again. “That’s what I’ve been doing. Reliving the last- the last decade”—Sam’s voice shakes over that word, and Lucifer knows instantly that he’s lying about something—“of my life, over and over again. Starting here. You always wake me up.”

[bradhotshots]

hello! i have a question about your video editing process if you don’t mind :3 you’ve mentioned using imovie right? do you have to like, insert your clips along the audio track in the order you want them to appear in?

i ask bc i’ve been wanting to get back into video editing, but i’ve found the inability to freely place clips along the audio to be a big turn off from imovie, which is what i’m primarily used to using.

basically is that something you just have to deal with or am i totally missing some basic functionality of the program? tyvm and sorry if this is confusingly worded lol

as far as im aware its just one of those things that you cant do. which is rly annoying. the way ive found to get around it is either by inserting a picture into the timeline (i usually just use a black image so i know where the space begins and ends) and editing around that or ok ill try to explain this i hope it makes sense: ill import two clips from another project at the same time which have a clip in the middle and this creates a ‘gap’ clip which is blank that you can use in place of a clip. so for example if i had clips 1,2 and 3 in another project i would copy clips 1 and 3 leaving out 2 and paste them into my timeline in my current project to create a gap. which you can then trim or expand to be the appropriate length etc

idk if there are easier ways to do this and if there are i will feel very stupid but thats how i make the program work for me! imovie is deeply clunky but ive been using it for like 4 years and i simply do not have it in me to learn how to use another program. and i dont wanna do anything particularly special with like visual editing i prefer to just make cuts to music so it works for me! hope that all made sense if i can help with anything else pls let me know! have fun!!!

[whumpbug]

okay okay okay so I held back on this one because I asked alternate already BUT. can you put Gene and Cassidy in a sci-fi story. what would they wear what are their roles do you have scene snippets or dialog? sci-fi is my favorite thing ever and as always feel free to ignore if this isn't the vibe!!! i love you bug /p!!!!!

OHOHOHOHOHHOH SETH I LOVE U /P

i am all for a sci-fi vibe. even if star wars is TECHNICALLY a space opera, i love love love the space setting and i would be DELIGHTED to talk about it.

im gonna word vomit on the page first and them ill try my hand at a few drabbles in this au. strap in for ANOTHER very long post. THANK U AGAIN SETH I LOVE UR ASKS I TRULY CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM /GEN

okay so. since i'm only really well-versed in star wars sci-fi concepts, this is going to be a vaguely star wars inspired au but i'll try to phrase it in a way thats more applicable to sci-fi in General (its always so fun to translate their jobs and personalities into different settings)

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

we'll start with gene. idk why but i'm getting very much a bounty hunter vibe from him. like someone who maybe works for a larger organization or guild hunting down notorious criminals (i mention that he works for an Entity bc i think its sort of important that he doesnt choose his bounties himself. he gets them assigned)

i think he would still do it out of a sense of responsibility because he doesn't think bad people should just be running around like that, but also because. a man's gotta make a living. he's gotta pay the bills.

i can see him having his own little ship that he practically lives out of considering how much he travels, and i feel like he'd get very attached to his ship (much like calliope. sorry calliope you've become a spaceship in this au)

OMG AND ALSO A THOUGHT IS BEING BEAMED INTO MY HEAD.

he wears a mask. you can't see his face when he's out doing jobs. he conceals his face, partially because he doesn't want people to see when hes scared or smug or anything like that and partially for the Swag.

that brings me to his overall outfit. i believe in my heart of hearts that gene would wear something like this (i wish i could credit the artist but i couldnt find it)

except instead of an entire helmet, it would be more of just a black piece of cloth pulled loosely over his mouth and nose. and im also seeing him in a very wide brimmed hat that he can tilt down to Brood pls tell me you guys see the vision.

he'd have a little revolver-looking blaster and knowing him, it'd be set to stun. i don't think he really enjoys bringing people in cold, and does his best to avoid it when he can

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

OK now onto cassidy. my beautiful darling boy silver. my sweetiepie.

it was kind of difficult to translate his profession into this setting because. it involves more people other than him.

ultimately i decided that, similar to the modern au, he is a part of an underground business, kind of like a rebellion of sorts, that fight against the injustices of the galaxy robin-hood style. of course, montana is the leader (unfortunately) and cassidy is essentially his right hand man

i can see cassidy traveling planet to planet, dismantling corrupt governments, providing for the needy, and having an absolute blast doing it, but his methods are. very illegal. and there is a growing bounty on his head.

nearly every major government wants specifically him locked away for life because of the destruction he's caused, and of course they hire the very best bounty hunter around to track him down.

and of course cassidy is a slippery fellow

cue their little cat and mouse thing they've got going on. gene wants to catch him because if he does, he'd practically be set for life. cassidy runs away because, well. he has a job to do. he can't get caught, especially by the weirdly attractive masked dude that talks to his spaceship.

and lastly, here is what i think cassidy's fit would vaguely look like:

he loves ponchos he can't help it. they're too comfy.

he too would have a little revolver-blaster thing and of course, his knife and hat. one thing that it different is the stolen jewelry. i decided that instead of stealing jewelry from the awful people, he takes mechanical/droid parts for his little buddy that he keeps around named SC-071-1 (haha. ahaha get it. please tell me someone gets it.)

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

OK ONTO THE DRABBLES AND SNIPPETS! you get 3 because im feeling Generous /pos. here in the first little snippet for you. this is the two meeting in a bar and not wanting to make a scene (gene tracked him there) (i just wanted to write a silly tense scene)

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Cassidy heard Gene before he saw him.

The man was always stomping around in a way no one could quite replicate. His footsteps were deliberate, cold, and unmistakable.

And they were right behind him.

The business end of a blaster was suddenly pressed into Cassidy's ribs and his mouth went dry.

"I'll have a Jet Juice. On the rocks."

Gene tossed the bartender a coin, to which he grumbled indignantly and began on the drink.

Cassidy risked a sideways glance at the bounty hunter. His expression was unreadable and hidden as always, and he didn't even turn to look at Cassidy. Instead, Gene leaned close and spoke lowly into his ear.

"Make a scene and you're dead. Try to run and you're dead. Turn on your comm and you're dead. Am I clear?"

Cassidy smirked, and mocked a salute. "Loud 'n clear, sir."

Gene gave a curt nod and turned to the bar. The bartender slid him his drink, which he downed in one go, and he was just about to order another when--

He sputtered when he felt something pressed into a certain.. important area. He blanched.

"Didn't say anything about fightin' fire with fire, did you, cowboy?" Cassidy grinned. The sight of the big bad bounty hunter squirming because his family jewels were threatened never got old.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

DRABBLE 2 HERE WE GO. this one is gene finding cassidy after a mission gone sour. cassidy was effectively abandoned by montana with the promise that he would come back for him.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

The whole mission was a bust from the beginning.

Cassidy should have known. He had a gut feeling-- that it was some sort of trap specifically designed for the organization. When he brought it up to Montana, he said that it was just Cassidy being paranoid. And, of course, he believed him. He always did

And now, there he was, beaten within an inch of his life and left to the elements by the government higher-ups.

They really didn't like people messing with their system.

Cassidy took a labored breath for what felt like the millionth time. Each time it was getting harder. His arms were pinned awkwardly above his head and to fill his lungs, he had to pull himself up. It quickly became exhausting.

The worst part was the cold. Montana had mentioned that this planet's average temperature was a little below what Cassidy was used to, but he didn't mention that the city they were infiltrating was located near the northern pole of the planet.

It was freezing.

Cassidy had long since stopped shivering.

He let his head loll forward. He wasn't sure he had the strength to wait for Montana anymore. He wasn't sure he had the strength for anything anymore. Even keeping his eyes open seemed a monumental task.

So, he let them fall shut.

••••

When he woke up, it was because he registered his center of gravity tilting on it's axis.

There was a body pressed against his. And it was warm.

If he had any remaining strength, he would have clung to his rescuer like there was no tomorrow. Instead, he settled for letting his head fall against the person's chest as he let out a pitiful whine.

A hand chafed up and down his shoulder. "Just relax. We'll get you warm. Don't you dare try to run off, Silver."

He wouldn't dream of it. Not when he could feel himself melting to putty in the arms of this stranger.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

LAST DRABBLE it's gene's turn. in this au he has spasthma (space asthma) and sometimes it hinders his job in Not good ways. and cassidy isn't heartless.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Cassidy really wasn't thinking when he threw the smoke bomb. All he knew was that the damned bounty hunter was catching up and he needed to throw him off.

He did not expect him to fall to his knees with a guttural coughing fit.

It would have been so easy to leave him there to rot, to hop in his ship and escape without looking back.

But when did Cassidy ever take the easy way out?

"Shit," He hissed, darting back to where Gene was kneeled with a palm supporting him on the ground.

He was clutching at his chest, choked gasps leaving him intermittently. His eyes looked vaguely panicked.

"C-Can't--" He wheezed, getting cut off by another coughing fit. He looked as if he was about to topple over.

Cassidy caught him by the arm and dragged him away from the busy street. He propped him up against an wall tucked into an alleyway and began rummaging around in his bag.

One of the younger kids with the Montana's crew had the same condition with all the same symptoms Gene was having right now. The kid was pretty forgetful, and Cassidy always made sure he had an extra rebreather on him. Just in case.

Gene was going to owe him big time.

His fingers finally grazed what he was looking for and he yanked it out, fumbling to get it open. He shook the small canister and pressed it to Gene's lips.

"You have to puff. Just try, okay? Just a little." Cassidy grabbed Gene's hand and placed it on his chest, exaggerating his own breathing to show him what to strive for.

Gene hiccuped slightly before taking a flimsy inhale. He breathed out and tried at it again, and found it gradually got easier.

When he could finally take a deep breath, he collapsed against the wall, panting. His hand didn't leave Cassidy's chest.

"Thank-- thank you," He whispered.

Cassidy smiled.

"Does this mean I get a headstart now?"

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

SETH thank you SO VERY MUCH for this ask and this au. i think i may like it more than their original au GOD i love them so so so much FHDJKFH. thank u for the requests and as always PLS dont be afraif to send more if the mood striked you but no pressure ofc! /gen

hope you enjoy my rambling bc this post was LONGGGGG

[fictionfixations]

corporate needs you to find the difference between these two pictures /hj

(from this post translating the departure ova, or basically the prequel to world heroes mission bc idk where to find it normally)

screenshot from this video cuz i cant replay cutscenes lmfao

like. okay so i started thinking about hawks and aventurine in the same thought train and i just. couldnt let it go. and then i remembered that departure ova where he had those sunglasses(?) (IDK The name of stuff. im just gonna call them glasses.)

didnt realize that they're kind of doing similar poses. thats because hawks had the glasses on his eyes but he pushed them up, and here aventurine is about to remove his glasses during the cutscene

MAJOR MHA & HSR spoilers

(if it gets confusing im begging you to read parts of it with the other character's part because im trying to connect them but it might get confusing reading it first)

no but listen me thinks of two boys with not great childhood in greedy corporation who h as. probably wronged them-

well in all honesty i dont remember shit about if the hpsc has done horrible things. scratch that they have because literally nagant. sorry ive forgotten so much mha story its been awhile (i was gonna go on a rant about how its just another thing the fandom considers canon because yes. like. i dont think tsukauchi has ever been confirmed to have a lie detector quirk, its just that his sister who appears in the vigilantes(?) manga does)

hawks cozying up to the league to get secrets (i almost said league of assassins im crying. batman go brr.) backfires

forced to reveal shit (remember dabi revealing in like his video in Dabi's Dance Hawks' backstory?? also portrays him in a negative light, viewing him as a murderer)

he also tries to make himself seem righteous like 'i couldnt let these injustices stand!'

(from wiki. also his wings get damaged, they can regrow but not to what it was before) ALSO fakes death (temporarily. LMFAO tokoyami)

also this is kinda weak but gets hit while hes down

(technically) hawks is still alive but his quirk is still kinda gone forever i think

anyway i think he appeared in the latest chapter. he seems to be doing well. tbh i have such a shit memory. uhm spoilers for that chapter but i just got so distracted by the todoroki family and dabi like holy shit

FHSOIfh i think hes the HPSC president now.???? DAMN good for him ?

bACK ON TRACK. aventurine cozying up to the family to find out the 'truth'

sunday does his weird shit to force aventurine to say the truth or get punished (asks him about his past and personal shit like 'do you love your family more than yourself' or something, asks about him being an avgin, if hes the only survivor, if he wants to destroy the world) (also sunday thinks of aventurine as like a liar?? like. like. i forgot what it was but he viewed him as like an ill-intentioned person he needed to get rid of. thinking of him in a negative light and probably partially because he was associated with the IPC.)

he calls him a villain. i. DAMN (from the wiki) so like. you see what i mean? also acts righteous acting like aventurines the bad guy while hes the one in the right

bruh gets told he has seventeen system hours to live

cheeses through it (nihility able to cut through it if you were confused during the story on how he lived) but fakes his death (temporarily. he can come back out around 2.3 lOl but it still took a strain on him)

gets threatened while hes still recovering from the aftereffects of the nihility and everything

genuinely dont remember hawks getting hurt during afo fight (and toga) but i also got so confused on what was going on reading the manga cause it was a lot. i dont think he got saved tho

aventurine survived but the cornerstones gone forever

also while im here since yall probably dont know

also he bet that he'd get a promotion but we dont know whats going on about that (and it doesnt seem like we will. or. theres implications that that the xianzhou(?) war dance is connected to the IPC cause of the special program where owlbert said he was gonna quit and that he got a better offer for the wardance. and it was revealed that actually it was them who gave him that better offer?? so maybe we'll see in next update(?))

like. like. hah ha hawks getting promoted? eh?? eh?? you see????

tbh i didnt think i could connect them at all but here i am now finding more and more

also off topic

i thought this was a mistake or jab at mineta im CRYING his names GRAPE JUICE???

your brain when you want to go to sleep because you have something you're looking forward to to do tomorrow (or today because its THREE AM) but you need to not be tired for it but then it pulls this thing out of nowhere to fixate over knowing you cant ignore it because they're characters you love and that the idea wont go away until you express your thoughts so you get the keyboard out to make a short post but then you keep thinking about it and it gets longer and longer cause you keep remembering more shit to add:

[sapphicsaints]

omg i just discovered your blog and i’m in love 🥹 i instantly fell in love with tamar and i wish there were more fics about her out there (and tolya too, perks of being bi)

if you’re still taking requests, could you please write about reader possibly being a lantsov and grisha at the same time? maybe she’s super close with nikolai and tamar is like her sworn protector? idk, something with some angst (like reader getting hurt during an attack or something) but all ends well? i mean she’s the princess of ravka, she better survive 😅

thank you so much, and please, keep writing, i love your fics! 💙

I made a promise

Tamar x f!GrishaLantsovReader

A/N: Sorry this took me so long, I loved writing this thank you! I made this so it should hopefully fit with both the books and the tv show, and I'm still taking requests please send them :)

Warnings: Injury 

Word Count: ~2k

Summary: “She’s a handful.” He warned her.

“How bad could-” 

“Don’t say it.” He interrupted her, and she laughed. “You mean it, if she comes with us, you’ll swear to protect her?” 

“Yes.” Tamar looked a bit exasperated. “I will,”  

-

Y/n was the first Lantsov Grisha in a long time – but she was convinced by her mother to keep her powers a secret – and her heritage. Two bastards? Her mother had been busy. She was two years younger than her brother, and over time they’d bonded over many things, including their suspicious heritage. 

Unfortunately she didn’t gain his silver tongue. Her brashness and attitude got her into trouble at the Little Palace. As soon as she completed her military service, which she’d run away to do, just like her dear brother – they sent her to study in Ketterdam, at her insistence. The well compensated shipping clerk did put up a good effort, but she managed to get the truth out of him. Her brother got an earful when she tracked him down, mostly about how pissed she was he didn’t tell her, or let her go with him, and on and on. The guards that accompanied him were highly amused. Shu twins – she liked them immediately. Especially the girl, Tamar. 

“At least tell me where you’re headed next?” 

He sighed, “Novyi Zem.” 

“Take me with you when you come back?” 

“I’ll think about it.” That was a no. 

She set her best glare on him, “I guess I can’t follow in your footsteps forever. I heard they’re hiring in the barrel…” 

“No.” His voice was sharp. 

“Who are you to tell me what to do? You’re a pirate.” 

“Privateer.” He corrected me. “And that’s different from joining a gang.” 

“Renting out heart-rending services is different than actually joining a gang.” She rolled her eyes. 

“And how do you know they won’t hold you hostage?” 

“I’m good at hiding,” she blew it off. “Everyone thinks I’m in the southern colonies to recover from my ‘illness’.” He nodded, she had a point. “And I wasn’t exactly paraded around like you or Vasily. I’m the obvious bastard. Mother never cared” 

“Careful” he warned, she was treading dangerous ground. He still loved their mother despite everything, and she knew that. But she couldn't care less for them. They’d discarded her at the first possible opportunity, why should she waste energy on them? 

She took a deep breath. “I’m already doing it. There’s no point in trying to stop me now.” 

“Can’t blame me for wanting to protect you.” 

“I was infantry too” was her response. “I can take care of myself.” 

“And if you can’t?” 

“We’ll see just how much father thinks I’m worth.”

-

“She’s very insistent.” Tamar commented later that night. “You might as well let her come.” 

“She’ll be in danger with us.” Nikolai hedged. 

“But there is more danger in Ketterdam.” Tamar countered. “Especially for Grisha.” 

“Will you swear to protect her?” Nikolai said, half-jokingly, rolling his shoulders back and leaning against the railing. They’d set sail in two mornings. 

“I swear it.” Nikolai blinked once. The only sign of his surprise. 

“She’s a handful.” He warned her. 

“How bad could-”

“Don’t say it.” He interrupted her, and she laughed. “You mean it, if she comes with us, you’ll swear to protect her?” 

“Yes.” Tamar looked a bit exasperated. “I will, and I’ll teach her.” 

“You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.” His head shook. Y/n’s already quite good with a blade and pistol, but under Tamar’s tutelage, she’ll absolutely shine. If she doesn’t kill her first.

“I like a little challenge now and then.” 

-

Nikolai ended up eating his words. Tamar and Y/n got along incredibly well, and ended up being absolutely lethal together. He made her repeat her story a hundred times before she came within eye-sight of the ship. A stray heart-render Nikolai found. Her Kerch is fluent, so they passed her off as being from Ketterdam. Also speaks Ravkan and Fjerdan. Y/n seemed to understand the seriousness of it.  

“Stray. Like I’m a scruffy dog.” 

“At least you get to keep your name. It’s common enough.”  He’d reasoned. Not her real name, one she’d already made up for herself. He was, but shouldn’t have been, surprised to find his sister had a few fake persona’s ready. 

“A serious question,” he asked her. “How did you track me down?” 

She looked at him like he was the stupidest human alive, and he was transported back to their childhood. 

“Pirates need to swim, Nikolai!” Y/n had jumped in the lake, her boots discarded on the bank. “See.” She waved her arms above her head, treading the water. 

“I’m going to be a privateer.” He scowled, pushing out the small ‘boat’ they’d built together. Random bits of wood they found around the castle. What looked like the top of Y/n’s wooden nightstand, sawed off, and strung together with some ripped up curtains. 

“Same thing.” She huffed. “Get in.” He slowly waded in, glaring at her the entire time. Saints, the water is freezing. Why did he let her convince him to come swim anyways? Spring is barely here.

“Why do I always have to push the boat?”  

“Things were easy back then, weren’t they?” She murmured, as if she’d seen the memory too. Easy. They didn’t know what the word ‘bastard’ meant, or why Y/n’s ‘powers’ were a secret, even from Vasily. Vasily - who didn’t give a shit about them. Never asked after Y/n once in his letters. Thinking about him would put Nikolai in an unnecessary piss poor mood, so he thought about the future instead. What it might look like out on the seas, but with his sister by his side this time. 

-

“Tamar, would you defend me if Nikolai tried to turn me into a broodmare?” 

Zoya spit her tea out across the table, right onto Y/n’s shirt, who jumped, grabbing a cloth napkin to try and soak it up, glaring at the squaller, who only looked at her incredulously. 

“Did she just say that?” Zoya turned to Genya, who looked at the possible broodmare, sucking in her lips to keep from laughing. 

“It’s a genuine concern.” Y/n protested. 

“Saints, Y/n.” Nikolai spoke from the door. “You’ve asked her that every day for the last week, always when I’m in earshot. Is there something you’d like to ask me yourself? You’d make a pisspoor broodmare. For the record.” 

“No,” Y/n leaned her head back, tilting slightly to meet Tamar’s eyes with an easy grin on her face. “I’d rather ask Tamar.” 

Nikolai let out a long-suffering sigh. One he saved especially for her. Zoya had watched the whole interaction closely. Nikolai looked both annoyed and amused. Tamar went along with it, almost like it was a joke between them. Between them. No matter how much she’d poked and prodded, neither would say anything about a possible romantic relationship. 

“I’m sworn to protect her.” Tamar had emphasized. As far as she knew, sworn protectors didn’t need to stand that close. Or glare daggers at any men or women who looked at her a bit too appreciatively. Nikolai didn’t seem to care about it. 

-

Everything happened incredibly fast. One minute, she was on her horse, laughing at a joke Tamar told, the next she’s in her bed with a pounding headache, and pain radiating through every inch of her. Hushed voices spoke in the background, quieting as soon as she groaned. Her mouth was dry, and even opening her eyes felt like too great of a task.

“Can you hear me?” A strained voice sounded, “Y/n?” She can, she can hear them, but she can’t do anything - can’t move, can’t blink, can’t speak. With great effort, she shifts her hand slightly. By a sharp inhale, she can tell the motion is noticed. Saints, why can’t she just open her eyes? Her consciousness flickers out slowly, and she drifts back to sleep, the hushed, strained voice still haunting her. 

-

Tamar could barely sleep, could hardly think beyond how she failed. She failed y/n, failed her promise to Nikolai, and now she’s lying in her bed - deathly injured, and barely awake. Healers have been there around the clock, doing everything they can to keep the princess alive. 

“If you hadn’t gotten her back when you did …” One of them said to her, shaking her head as she walked off. Tamar could’ve throttled the woman. Was that supposed to make her feel better? If anything it made her feel worse. Knowing just how Y/n was, just how close she still is. 

“Any improvement?” Nikolai asked, hands in his pockets, strolling down the hall. To anyone else, he might’ve looked nonchalant, but she could see the tension in his shoulders, the tight lines in his face. 

“Based on how you’re still pacing like a trapped tiger, I’d say no.” The attempted joke fell flat, both of them staring at the other. 

“I don’t blame you.” Nikolai said quietly. 

“That doesn’t matter.” Tamar stared back at the door, at the room she’d been kicked out of an hour ago. I blame myself, went unsaid. He didn’t bother trying to convince her otherwise, knowing it’s futile. 

-

“It’s been a week.” An unfamiliar voice spoke in a hushed tone. 

“I know.” Another said grimly. 

“I didn’t know.” Y/n grumbled, her voice hoarse. A shocked gasp sounded, and if she could she would have rolled her eyes. Saints, people are dramatic. At the moment, opening her eyes felt like the hardest thing she’s ever done, later she might admit she’s a tad dramatic. White ceilings, she squinted against the bright light in the room, hearing the sounds of curtains shutting. “That’s better.” She sighed. 

A warm, calloused hand gripped her gently, “Y/n.” Her voice sounded like a whisper, or maybe a prayer. She turned her head slightly, Tamar. At that moment, she decided that’s her favorite view to wake up to. One she’d like to see for the rest of her days. 

“Hi.” A half laugh half sob emerged from the woman’s throat, a grin fighting its way onto her face. “Don’t look so sad.” She pouted. 

“We need to see her.” An irritating voice grated against her ears. 

“You can see me fine from here.” She snapped. Her throat already feels rough and sore. From a few measly words. 

“Glad to see near death hasn’t dimmed your spirits.” Nikolai.

“So that’s what happened,” she mused. The mattress shifted, and Tamar sat next to her, hand still gripping hers. 

“I have to insist you clear the area.” The same irritating voice sounded, tittering across the room. 

“I have to insist you shut up.” She’s a princess, she can get away with this, right? “And leave.” 

Blood pressure skyrocketed from her left. Good, she’s glad she pissed the woman off. 

“Very well, your highness.” Footsteps padded out of the room, good riddance. 

“She was trying to help.” Tamar chastised, but she could tell she’s pleased. 

“You heal me.” 

She hesitated, but Nikolai snorted. “You heard the princess.” Y/n could sense there was something else Tamar wanted to say. 

“Nikolai leave.” 

“Glad to see you too.” He muttered, but sauntered out of the room. 

“I- I’m sorry.” Tamar said quietly. She looked heartbroken. 

“You have nothing to-”

“No.” She said insistently, “I swore to protect you.” 

“You what?!” 

“I made a promise to protect you, and I failed.” 

“Tamar,” y/n said quietly, “how did I get back to the castle?” 

“I brought you.” 

“What happened to the attackers?” 

“They’re dead.” Her voice hardened. 

“You did protect me. I’d be dead if I was out there alone.” Her hand gripped hers tighter. Y/n managed to raise her arm, with some effort, and kiss the back of her hand. A smile crossed the other woman’s face. “You didn’t fail.” She emphasized, and could tell Tamar didn’t really believe her, but something in her seemed to relax, a bit of tension left her shoulders. Tamar’s thumb ran over the back over her hand, and her heart started pounding and she bit nervously on her bottom lip and decided to bite the bullet, pushing up on her elbows. 

One hand gripped the back of Tamar’s head, pulling her down. A calloused hand gripped her cheek, meeting her halfway.

[anti-endo-safe-space]

Endos completely fucking hijacked the concept of exotrauma and exomemories and I'm fucking pissed about it. Now, I'm unsure if this is an originally endo term, so sorry about that.

I am a fictive. Imherently my existence is traumatic, right? I don't have trauma memories from my source, except for maybe one or two. No, what my trauma comes from is getting here and seeing all the horror shit written about me suffering genuine psychological Hell. And mind you, no ill will to the people that make this kind of content. I understand that it's not me specifically they're going after.

But fuck, man, you try looking in a mirror and watching your reflection bleed out slowly. It's not you, but it's not comfortable either. It once caused a spiral so bad I had to recede from front for like, 4 days. And I'm a pretty frequent fronter.

Back on track - every time I try to find validity about this, it's either fucking endos, fictionkins (again. no ill will. for right now, idk what their deal is. our host kins characters) or accounts that haven't posted since 2022. Or worse still, it's just some controversy about how I'm not valid and I'm actually just a reflection of host's trauma but abstracted, and how once we accept that we'll finally heal. Motherfucker I am a psychotic episode holder and you want to tell me more about how I'm not real?!

I'm tired. That's all. Thanks for listening.

- 🪖 Jane J. Doe from 🪽

Hey Jane, they have a very very bad habit of that. No clue if it is or not but don't worry

Nah, being a fictive doesn't immediately equal trauma from the source. Most of us are and while yes some of us do, not all of us do. That shit is more traumatizing than half the stuff that happens in some of our sources. I mean, I (Regulus) am a fictive of Regulus Black and I've got more trauma from reading things that people will put me through (you get what I mean) that's traumatizing on a million levels.

You are valid and real and anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves. Your not just a reflection of trauma, we've got some of us who went through a trauma of epic proportions that the body hasn't and the host hasn't.

We're all here to listen, anytime whatsoever

[mithliya]

If you don't mind sharing advice-

I have read about the way you have struggled with mental health and I am sorry about that :/

But you're also studying everyday. So could you advise me on how to study while being mentally ill?

Ik our experiences might not match. But everytime I try I am able to study for 1 or 2 hours properly max. After that I end up getting a panic or anxiety attack. I also feel hollow and sad all the time and not have desire to do anything but sleep. And I keep finding myself reading the same thing again and again or taking longer than usual to achieve a goal.

Do you know how I could deal with that?

tbh i get moments like this too. it sounds like youre really stressed. i usually try to make studying enjoyable and reward myself when i got through some parts. so like today, i motivated myself + made it so i can enjoy studying as much as possible doing the following:

listening to music that hypes me up / motivates me & helps me focus while studying

taking short breaks in between

sometimes talking to myself and explaining to myself out loud if im struggling to understand sth

once i finish a section, i reward myself by using my phone for example. for you, it might be sth else, like idk having a food you really like. going outside and enjoying the sun for a bit. whatever it is that is comforting and can push u 2 go further would be good imo (its hard to balance with using ur phone personally speaking bc u can get carried away n lose track of time)

reading out loud in general helps

writing down notes and then rereading them. writing them nicely also feels good so it helps me feel a bit better

sometimes watching videos about the topic can help if im struggling to focus when reading

writing a to-do list but rly breaking it down step by step. ticking stuff off the list is a good motivator

making sure to distinguish between what you NEED to do and what you WANT to do. extra things are extra, things without deadlines dont need to be done until the end

if sth is too difficult, i make note of it and come back to it later.

if ur struggling to focus, take a break and do sth that will help remotivate u and bring ur attention back

also its good to study while ur body is alright like, ur not too hungry or thirsty etc. i know thats basic but sometimes when ur busy u neglect urself

relating to point 12... also doing small stuff like a shower, washing ur face, etc can help u refocus, feel better, and get u more in the zone. at least for me

but tbh a lot of what ur mentioning to me sounds like chronic stress or some sort of stress overload.. is there a reason u can pinpoint as to why youre having these reactions? if youre in university or school, is it possible to receive disability support? when i was in university, i was provided with disability support which involved me seeing a woman 1-on-1 every week and we'd talk thru my achievements + what id have to do next n shed help me manage it better basically. i know they provide various accomodations depending on what ur specific issues are. so if ur school or uni has some sort of support for disability, seek it out. theres nothing to lose rly and u could rly benefit from it if u do gain sth from such a visit.

[imustbenuts]

2nd time getting tagged for this... ill do it (didnt do it the first time, im sorry, ive forgotten who ;o;) dont feel comfortable tagging my info to that post so im creating a separate one here

@hulloitsdani hi thank u for tagging me, meow meow im sleepy so low energy posting time

Last Song Listened To: Heroes from Sanctuary Heart mix, a lo-fi arrangement of FF14 ost (idk if this link works for you guys :x)

Fave Color: Purples, black, pink and deep blues... i cant commit to a single color D:

Currently Watching: Watashi no Oshi wa Akuyaku Reijou/I'm In Love With The Villainess. And uhhh The Apothecary Dairies. not big about watching mainstream animes of late bc im growing out of so many tropes ;; but these 2 are pretty solid methinks

Last Movie: oh easy. M3GAN. it was a super fun watch i decided to go to on a whim, but tbh im looking forward to The Boy And The Heron when it eventually comes out here... and its still not out >:T

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: savory, spicy then sweet, please! sweet in candy or boba form only. ...eek, im hungry again

Relationship Status: single, would rather sleep than date

Current Obsessions: my fic that im still writing the current chapter of. its about gustav, henriette, alfonse and kiran and... trash fire dynamics. i guess FEH in general constantly in the back of my mind? idk when i'll punch out another weird analysis either. also Go! Go! Loser Ranger! recently made me lose it, cant wait for the upcoming anime in january

Last Thing Googled: "blixa 6 studios star atlas". was trying to track down some design stuff for my friend, and maybe i'll get back to drawing again someday but snzzzzz

snzzz....