#idk sometimes i have motivation in the sense that LOGICALLY i know we have stuff to live for

[seraphimsinful]

Truly like we are always just a step or two away from reaching the point where we careen off a mountain side

[decepti-thots]

What I can't get my head around is, why didn't Dominus Ambus tell Rewind that he was secretly a turbofox? Like, that's your conjunx, presumably the person you trust most in the whole universe, and you won't even share your secret with him? IDK if you've already done an analysis post on this but if you haven't I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Okay, so. Putting aside any non-diagetic explanations entirely for a moment (that is, my suspicion that the concept was conceived of some way into the comic's run and just proved a really good way to explain Rewind not recognising the Pet once it was settled on)… in-universe explanations, let's go.

Something I do wanna point out here is a thing I rarely see mentioned: in my opinion, Minimus does not act as though Rewind doesn't know. I think he expects that Rewind does, which is honestly sort of wild? In DotL, Minimus isn't like 'oh shit, now you know I guess' when he's making remarks about Dominus being even more insecure about his height than Minimus is (irreducible style), or whatever. I… guess you could argue he thinks Rewind has inferred it logically (Minimus has revealed he was wearing an armour > Minimus and Dominus are spark twins > therefore…) but tbh, he's just. SO casual about it. I absolutely feel like Minimus assumed Dominus had told Rewind! Which. THEY WERE MARRIED LMAO. IT'S A REASONABLE… ASSUMPTION……..

Which definitely suggests there's no reason externally that is all that compelling for Dominus to not have done so. If there was, presumably Minimus would have anticipated it! Realistically, if Dominus couldn't trust Rewind to keep it secret for the sake of public access and ease, why the hell were they married. (Anyway, Rewind is in a far more precarious situation than Dominus is, when they meet; Rewind isn't able to hide and is formally subject to being classified as 'disposable'. I mean!) That's definitely not compelling.

Personally I think the easiest way to reconcile it is to think that Dominus had a personal hangup around his alt, and genuinely wanted people not to know this about him- because he himself was personally ashamed of it, no matter how much effort he put into public work that seems to contradict that. This actually reconciles something else, I think. Why would the sentience test Dominus seemingly designed in part or full be so biased against beastformers? He is one! What! But if that's something he was unable to get over the way he e.g. was able to overcome prejudice of the kind Rewind was facing, it perhaps makes sense to think of it as a kind of 'harder when it's personal' thing. Right? Internal feelings of self-loathing are sometimes paradoxically the more difficult kind to unlearn, compared to changing how you think about other people. Hell, maybe Dominus convinced himself wearing an armour 24/7 meant he wasn't one any more. Maybe he didn't tell Rewind because as far as he was concerned, that was no longer true.

I think this would potentially be interesting in terms of adding actual characterization to Dominus against which you can a) effectively compare and contrast Minimus (since a looot of what we know about Dominus is more or less 'he was made in a lab to induce an inferority complex in Minimus', lmao) and b) open up avenues to question the very idealized view Rewind has of their marriage that don't necessarily require leaning into the trope of 'he was an Evil Liar All Along on purpose!!!', which adds a lot of interesting stuff to that element of Rewind's arc that I'm sad canon never really managed to deliver completely, IMO.

I have actually thought about Dominus in relation to both Minimus and Rewind a LOOOOOT haha. He's such a cipher in the comic; a huge motivating character for two otherwise-unconnected leads AND a cornerstone of our introduction to the Functionist Universe… and yet a character we know very little about the thought processes or feelings of. He's like a void of a character you can reconstruct by looking at what surrounds him. It's very fun to me.

[not-poignant]

So I first want to say I adore your writing. You are one of the few authors that I've found that not only has amazing technical skill, but somehow manages to laser focus on EXACTLY what I look for in a story. I don't often reread stories (unless I'm doing a review) simply because there's so much I want to read, but yours are some of the few stories I come back to on my rainy days. When nothing else is motivating me to read, your work gives me that kick.

Reading Efnisien and Gary's story (or whichever Underline story gets updated) is absolutely one of my weekly highlights. It is also such an interesting experience for me as a mental health professional because sometimes I'll read through some of the stuff the Hillview staff does and I'll just be like 'oh no friend we absolutely do NOT say that to a client' lol (then again I live in the US which is dystopian nightmare and worked at some facilities that are probably run more like the other omega rehab centers but well what can you do about it 🤪).

Efnisien too, is honestly probably one of favorite original characters in a long time, and honestly I sometimes have to take a step back because he reminds me so much of some of the boys I used to work with (granted Efnisien is an adult and I worked with teens mostly).

All this as to keep up the fantastic work, and I can't wait for the next chapter!!

Hi hi anon,

I'm so glad you're enjoying the writing! *bounces* The rereading is huge, especially if it's something you never do. Whenever folks tell me they reread it's like the best feeling. I love rereading particular stories (for comfort, because I want to just experience certain feelings again) they end up becoming my faves and just... idk how to explain how that feels when it happens but AHHH it just makes me want to write more stories that can do this for folks

Underline the Black has been awesome to write. Tbh there's been a few mental healthcare professionals over the years who have engaged with my writing! It's been interesting to see the different forms of like... interaction and engagement, the way a job / career can influence how one sort of interfaces with the stories and the characters. I imagine it can be pretty frustrating sometimes, like watching a medical show when you're a doctor and being like 'NO THAT'S NOT HOW IT- *huffs*' ahaha

Thankfully I'm writing a fictional dystopian universe so I can do what I like (I mean even if it was contemporary and set in modern times, I could still do what I like, I just think the suspension of disbelief would be a tougher sell eep) :D

It's funny to me because I've been on the other end - I've been a client of many mental healthcare professionals on and off for about 20 years. I remember the first time I said I'd fire someone like Dr Gary as a therapist (from Falling Falling Stars) if he was my therapist, because fuck no, too pushy, too overbearing, and it's kind of interesting to me to write things I wouldn't want to experience, or that aren't okay, but that make sense within the logic of the world, or for the logic of the characters.

Just know that when some folks are going 'no that's not okay!' I'm also like 'it's really not but damn it's fun to write.' Ehehehe

I hope you enjoy the future chapters that are coming! Some of my favourite chapters of Underline the Black are coming up, along with some of the other Underline stories too *bounces*

[marcusrobertobaq]

I guess fear is a more triggering mechanism for deviancy than doubts and even anger. A example of deviancy trigger by anger is Markus, Kara's deviancy was mostly motivated by fear and Connor's was basically doubts all the way down - what can be break down in layers and have fear of something on it but ain't the main one.

But I can't pinpoint the emotional shock event with the deviancy cases we see along the way, I don't know the right first trigger. For example:

Rupert def deviated out of fear of being destroyed next, like the Tracis - even tho this fear became anger when she actually committed the murder. She could've defended herself only and escaped (still deviancy), but ended up in murder, similar to Shaolin but...idk if his first trigger was fear or anger/revenge (like Daniel). Looks like it's the first one.

Fear usually enable the "god mode" in animals cuz of the mess of hormones and chemicals and all this shit. But androids? They ain't got this. Their self-preservation function is more logical, it's merely to avoid property damage and even harm to other humans - and sometimes to avoid affecting the task they're performing. It's always on the master behalf, not the android one, if u know what i mean.

Software Instability get this self-preservation sense focused 100% on the android and over the edge to the point the android hits against "the red wall" and break it for violating AA or whatever core instructions base they got. The AI just becomes hyper complex and starts to self-multiply, writing "new" instructions that overwrite the og one. When I say instructions ain't things like "go and pick something up". I'm talking about computer instructions.

Another thing that ain't exactly a trigger but it's part of the cores of conflicts/doubts (a trigger for deviancy) is empathy, a main topic in the game i'd say - although the game is more like asking the player if they feel empathy not the androids themselves. Empathy towards your own people and other lifeforms is also a common thing for animals that live in society for couple of reasons mostly related to survival. Androids don't need anything like this, not in relation to other androids or other lifeforms that ain't humans. Even the “empathy” towards humans ain't exactly from the android themselves - it's a matter of making 'em servitude more easy, they're hard-coded to submit to humans wishes and assure they're comfortable. I wouldn't really consider an android automatically “empathetic” from the box just cuz they help humans, it's 'em default duty. But when they really start putting themselves in someone's place fr even by 'em own choice and not only the default program kicking in that's when the signals of empathy towards humans starts. They got this emotional capability but ain't something fresh from the box, it's a development, a process.

I wonder how the actual fuck Kamski managed to discover shit like that and test. Things like the "Kamski test"; No doubt the guy tried playing with this whole thing, but I doubt was something he just sat down and "ah, today I gonna do this" and tcha~ran EMOTIONS. Maybe from constant failures it worked one time when he less expected 🤣. Ain't only about external behavior, it's something that can happen even if u don't notice shit - it's a condition in the AI. We can see it's a real thing thru Connor lens (cuz he got a SI meter and we can see it's something internal).

Did Kamsk test fear capability? How? Or he tested conflicts first (like the Kamski test)? And how? I can see some ugly things happening in the lab, pal. Some fucked shit like "putting an android naked in a room where some stuff is happening just to see how the android behaves" kinda shit. I think no matter what was the type of testing he knew fear, anger and doubts causing conflicts in the android would be a major thing in the future cuz of the way humans are - predictable and often in the negative way. And he was right: the boom happened until it found the "chosen one"; dude woke up leading to a major rebellion. The boom per se is a relevant event, but rogue AIs organized in big groups and finally going against humans publicly is the main event. Those suckas were dying in the dark on the bottom of a abandoned ship, bro. Afraid of going out, paralyzed by fear even if human's orders don't limit 'em program anymore.

But I still more curious about the AI behavior in details and how this whole shit happens. Sadly ain't something anyone knows in the game, not even Kamski himself I guess. We got different answers and they're all kinda...vague.

[death-in-a-handbasket]

hey it’s bsdyumejoshi here. For the choose violence ask game:

8, 10, 13

oh HELL yeah let’s go let’s go

8: common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

okay so I think a lot of commonplace stuff is kind of ??? to me anyways but I’m gonna be real with you chief I don’t think Mori is the super irredeemable evil asshole that everyone makes him out to be, is he weird and still a villain? absolutely yes! but also I don’t think he’s to the degree of monster that people think of him as and I think people spend so much time hating on him that they forget to actually put thought into pondering him as a character. like for a fandom that likes deep analysis and a chunk have even read the novels the characters wrote, I swear some of y’all forget sit down and take a character for what they are. I think he’s supposed to be a somewhat controversial and worth debate but the way people go about it blind makes me wonder did anyone actually learn anything from watching the internet argue about vriska. morally questionable is something that is allowed bro, have we forgotten the fun practice of enjoying a character for their uncouth behavior?

10: worst part of fanon

This is something I personally have beef with in all fandoms and that is the fact that people forget that not only do characters have personalities outside of ships but also platonic and not directly romantic/sexual relationships are things that exist, I don’t know why I am the odd one out on this and I don’t want to shit on people who are having a good time but a lot of the ships that people rave about don’t make sense to me, like you have to very articulately sell the idea to me before I can consider this. I might be a stickler for trying to remain canon accurate but unless there’s evidence or it logically makes sense in some way I’m not buying it, I think part of the issue is y’all have read so far into the enemies to lovers trope that the idea of regular enemies no longer exists. like buddy idk what y’all are reading but I have never been able to see sskk as a thing

13: worst blorboficiation

all of them have been blorboified in some way that makes me scratch my head but I think the worst cases that make my brain hurt the hardest are chuuya and sigma. I think somewhere it’s been lost in the sauce that these are two grown men with real motives and personalities outside of being shipped with people or being reduced to one defining personality trait. sigma is beautiful and definitely many of y’alls babygirl yes but he’s not some helpless wet meow meow or some delicate flower, bro’s knee jerk reaction to trying to fix a situation so far has been guns and explosives. bro ain’t no wilting pansy twink I’ll tell you that. chuuya probably has it worse though because he’s often either reduced to just skk where his only defining trait is dazai, characterized primarily for his temper, or also ruthlessly twinkified, this is a genuinely powerful and complex man and sometimes I think his legion of fans completely loses sight of who he is, overcook undercook etc etc anyways I think if both of these characters could read the posts made about them they would start grimacing

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

[esther-dot]

Did you understand her motivation? I didn't, lol. It's worth a good head scratch. Whatever they showed, was too little, too inconcistent, too disconnected. In the book the king of the ashes is the one who inherits KL after the catastrophe, not the one who burns it. I.e, leaving scorched earth to the enemy. In the absence of political content, the ending felt really stupid. I'll be forever mad abt it. What a waste of such a good story! dif anon btw.

I'm working through my inbox and this ask is so old, I can't even remember what I had posted that this was in response to. I'm so sorry anon! But clearly, we're talking about Dany and why she burned KL. I absolutely agree that what they did with Dany was very disjointed. When I think about it, I'm not satisfied with any one interpretation because they threw so many conflicted ideas at us. I know sometimes we've talked about it as punishment for the people not embracing her/loving her, but I think it makes more sense if Dany was meant to make the logical (evil, but rational) choice to quell rebellions before they began by destroying KL. That feels like the right followup to “let it be fear.” If you (they) wont love me, you'll (they'll) fear me.

In s8 they were leaning into that love vs fear idea, and I really think 8x05 “let it be fear” moment was meant to be the decision point. She already knew no one in Westeros would love her, but to actually know that not even Jon did, when he was the only one left (Jorah and Missandei having died), but he wasn’t loyal/didn’t love her, I think she’s meant to realize, she has nothing. She has no loyal advisors or loved ones, not even a trusted ally. She has nothing but the throne and it’s the final nudge with her god complex. She is so far removed from humanity, that she not only executes individuals without flinching, she'll destroy a city without caring. Of course, that doesn’t jive with what happens after the burning of KL or after her death (in which Tyrion and Jon are still loyal/enamored...apparently), but it felt like there was a reason they focused on her being isolated. If that was a moment that she realized no one, not even the people who are technically on her side, love her/trust her/want her to rule, then it makes sense to do something awful to strike fear into people. She already tried ruling once while people were rising up against her. Why wouldn't she think that this time, she'd stop them before they began? Idk, I guess I am all for ruthless conqueror, very against brokenhearted girl who slaughters a city because her boyfriend doesn't want to get it on. And yeah, I know people say we're stupid for getting that impression, but like...that's on D&D.

Another possibility is that Dany was meant to take the city still using some restraint. There was a Dany stan who got to look at the script and they said that it only specified that she was targeting soldiers and that it was the Wildfire that did most of the work of burning KL. I know a lot of people pointed out how excessive her targeting of civilians was (they dedicated a lot of screentime to it), so maybe at some point their plan for show!Dany was less extreme, and Jon killing her was far more morally grey. This wouldn't absolve Dany, she knew about the wildfire, but that would have been more a matter of accepting mass casualties than needlessly causing them. Since the show cut out her worse acts, I don't immediately dismiss this possibility. Maybe they were going to white wash her until the end. If there is any truth here, it would imply that EC's reaction to that script made D&D realize they had really fucked up and needed to make her even more monstrous to justify Jon killing her and also rewrote stuff in the finale to soften her ending for her stans, resulting in some very incongruous stuff. I don't really buy that though.

I will never not be amazed that D&D tried to tone down the fantasy, and then chose not to lay the groundwork for the ending. Imagine making that choice. "We want to focus on politics. Btw, let's not offer any explanation for the political endgame." lmao.

[futurewriter2000]

why's virgo the best sign ever?

You had opened the door that shall never close again. 

There are many reasons why Virgos are one of the best people to have in your life and here are the fabulous reasons:

A Virgo is the realest friend you will ever have. If you cannot take truth, then you can’t have a Virgo for a friend. You see Virgos have this need to tell people the truth. I mean, they will lie to protect your secret, no doubt about that- Virgos can keep their mouth shut. They are extremely loyal to people they care about. They are the kind of friend that will tell you that (this is an example) that coloured shirt doesn’t suit you because it makes your hips look wider and then they will  tell you that you would look so good in a idk purple, daring shirt but they wouldn’t want to offend you so if you really love the shirt that makes your hips wider (example) then they will hype you up because they never want to tell a person what to do and what to wear, they just express their opinion because they can’t keep their mouth shut. 

Virgos are little assholes that love you to death. We will love you so much- like the amount of love in our hearts for you is just so big and nobody can see it because we put on this face on that says: you don’t know shit about how I feel about you but in reality we just want to throw ourselves onto you and hug you and cuddle with you and love you forever and ever and we will literally go to the store and see something and be reminded of you and buy you this stuff and sometimes you would tell us this little thing about you and we will rememeber it and one day, we will just go like: “They said they like art. Imma buy them a sketchbook.” on a random day because we just love to shower people with gifts and our love. Like literally, we remember everything and we probably give you the most meaningful gifts and we would put effort into it like OUR LIFE COUNTS ON IT BECAUSE IT DOES- because we are little perfectionists and even though we are critical, we take critisism pretty offensive (the irony in that- lmao). But we will always thrive to give you the best freaking gift in the world (if we truly care about you. If you’re like some random person, we’re just gonna buy you a toilette set)

We are funny and crazy, if you get to know us well. A lot of people believe that Virgos are boring but that’s just how we appear to people who do not know us. We are like the middle of extrovert and introvert because we CAN be impulsive and we CAN do the craziest shit and have the craziest ideas. We’re overthinkers and we analyze and think ahead in the future and we just go: “Me and (your name) should go bungee jumping next month and then shit out pants.”- at like 2am in the morning because we are insomniacs, who love sleep. 

We are so interesting. Like we know random stuff about everything. Like did you know that Elephants can smell water from 20km away? LIKE WTF? I can’t even smell water if I put a glass of it in front of my face. Appereantly they wave their trunk in the air and smell the water particles and THEY KNOW IN WHICH DIRECTION TO GO! - ELEPHANTS ARE SO SMART!

We are nerds. Such adorable nerds, who will literally push you to talk about what you love. If we see that there is something that you love, and we see that little twinkle in your eyes and how you smile when you talk about it and how you hold your hands or your posture, or how your nose crinkles and your skin glows- we see everything. We will motivate you to chase your wildest dreams- as an astronout or to chase a donkey. We don’t care. We will always be your support for everything. We are the rock here and we will never give up being the rock because we love being the rock because we rock at being the rock! And also we rock in general.

We find everything interesting. Literally. You could start talking about math and we would be like “How the fuck do you like math?” and you would start telling how everything makes sense and this and that and we would just look at you in awe because wow... you know math...

We give you the best advice because we always look at the most logical sides of things but also consider your emotions and we mash those two together and make a plan and find a resolution.

We are service people BUT BEFORE YOU GO ALL up in my shit just know that we do this out of our own will. We are helpers, we like to help, help is our turn on and when somebody asks us for help, (even though we don’t show it) WE LOVE IT! LIKE YEEES!!!!!!!!! ASK ME FOR HELP!!!! LET ME FEEL SMART AND USEFULL!!!!!!! Literally the best fucking feeling. We really don’t mind helping people. But like I said before, we are service people but in a way where we serve people who need service, not who want service.

We are independent. Don’t fuck with a Virgo AND ESPECIALLY do not fuck with Virgo’s friends and family. We will make you the most uncomfortable you will ever be in your life. Now Virgos aren’t much about physical fights but if there is a need of one, then hold my fucking earrings. We can destroy a person verbally and physically but verbally is more pleasing because we’ve got all the vocabulary in the world and are not afraid to use it. Like I mentioned before, we tell the truth and truth only. 

We are soft people- We may look hardcore (and we are) but when we are comfortable with you, we will flutter our eyelashes at you, hug you, hold you, smell you, rub your back, run out fingers through your hair, be so affectionate because WE LOVE YOU!

We will point out things about you.  Compliments, I mean. Like if we see something pretty, we will say it and we mean it. Like I like those earrings, I like your hair today, it suits you, I like your bracelet... On men and women. We are not ashamed. We will compliment you, tell you you are beautiful because you are beautiful to us. Virgos don’t fall for the looks, they fall for the brain and when they see your perfect brain, they will love you for it. A lot of people believe that Virgos hate flaws but Virgos find flaws one of the most unique thing about another person and they can grow to love them and they do. (You see, I hate cigarettes and smokers who constantly smoke but I fell for a smoker and that doesn’t make me love him any less. Actually, I find him very attractive when he smokes, the way he holds his cigar between his long, vein hands and how he blows the smoke out of his lungs by pursing his lips together into a smal u shape-)

Anyways- haha- we are understandable. A lot of people find us critical and that is why they avoid us but come on dude. We won’t judge you if you tell us that you- idk- slept with your ex’s twin sister. We will be like “OH MY GOD NOOOOO” but if you are our best friend, who we love and adore, then we will also go “It izz what it izz but be careful tho. I know you can be dumb but if you really love her, then you should go for it.”

Support, lmao. 

I mean there are a lot of things Virgos are and they do love. When they love you, they LOVE you. It takes time to see it with us but we do love you- we just need to find the way to show you and sometimes it takes a lot of time but we do love you.

If you have any other questions or comments or opinions about any other signs, slide into my askbox ;) 

[dr-nero-is-god]

i felt the urge to riff on the hive streams for a little bit since discussion came up on the hive discord, namely, holding issue with the idea that the alpha stream is inconsistent in that it is about leadership when otto is the only leader, and that it’s also possible that the alphas are just kids with specialized skills, and not actually bonded by any particular unifying element.

and, in response, @vulpix-sinistre brought up a quote from the abridged hive fanfic, that goes something like: “there are four streams: main characters, stereotypical bullies, ?, and nerds.”

and i disagree with the first two ideas, but almost completely agree with the abridged fic quote. that is pretty much how the streams work, and it is IMPORTANT that that is how the streams work. 

in the end, you may conclude that the streams system still doesn’t make sense. you won’t be like “well clearly dr. nero was just logically dividing the labor of his students to reflect a specialized training program” because it’s more complicated on that. i  hate to do this to y’all, but a lot of everything streams-related requires an out-of-book explanation to get where you’re going, but i can promise that i will at least try to go

first, let’s think about why h.i.v.e. would have streams at all

on the one hand, it’s inescapable to consider that one primary reason that hive has streams is because harry potter had houses, and for the same reason that percy jackson had cabins, the 39 clues had branches, hunger games had sections (or counties, idk), divergent had factions, and so on and so on. the rise of fandom spaces on the internet was concurrent with a big ya/mg boom in the post-2005 world (after twilight was published), and within those fandom spaces it became important to identify with an aspect of the fantasy world as part of your personality. that became a very marketable thing for a while, and so separating children into streams would, to a publisher, seem like a pretty solid storytelling choice.

however! the alpha stream is not the same as gryffindor house. on the one hand, it seems easy to make an alpha/gryffindor and henchman/slytherin parallel, because one group is good (relatively) and one is bad (or at least antagonistic). but it doesn’t work because while slytherin has a reputation for constituents of poor moral character (which has been largely revised in fanon), being a henchman is where you go, according to the books, if you are unintelligent and burly. it’s not a really sexy stream, is what i’m trying to say. and though there are undoubtedly some readers who would look at the henchman stream and see themselves, i think the majority of readers would likely find the henchman stream a completely undesirable stream to be in. 

and, given how little importance the role of streams have after the first book, i will go out on a limb and say that mark walden knows that the henchman stream is unsexy. we aren’t interested in the hopes and dreams and motivations of the henchman stream; as we learn in book two, the ideal henchman is weak-minded and easily led—so what dreams would they even have? this leads me to conclude that while mark walden might have sold h.i.v.e. on the “there are personality-based groups in the school!” idea, he had something completely else in mind when he started writing and that, I think, is actually far more interesting.

but really, why would h.i.v.e. have streams at all

a few things about mark walden: 1) he studied english lit in school, 2) he has a background as a video game producers, and 3) he likes james bond. i know the first two things because i have read his bio and i know the third thing because i have read his books in conjunction with seeing all the james bond films. so we will call 1-3 facts. 

if you are wondering what a lit degree, video game production, and the james bond franchise all have in common, then let me connect those dots: all three of those things depend heavily on the study and understanding of repetitive structure in storytelling as an interpreter and creator of meaning. each one of these fields requires an understanding of how stories and words work to create meaning in order to be successful. 

and, to quote mr. walden here directly (sourced from this here link):

“So, I was playing with this cat one day and it got me thinking that those old-school Bond villains always just seemed to appear out of thin air with very little back story and that got me thinking about how they became world- conquering megalomaniacs in the first place.  It was only a short mental walk from there to HIVE.”

so, imagine you’re a writer trying to tell a story about a school for villains like those in james bond—you’ve studied storycraft and you have a lot of experience in a job finding believable and compelling obstacles for people to interact with in video games. you have noticed patterns. and you need to make those patterns work for you.

enter: streams

i have watched all the james bond movies (all of ‘em) (i mean it) (just not the unreleased one yet lol) and you know what? 

there’s probably just about four kinds of villains in those movies.

henchmen include the likes of jaws, oddjob, and tee hee. often physically disabled in a cinematically interesting way, these guys are the muscles and the machines in every bond film. they are the ones who tail bond as he takes long train rides and who try to personally throw him into shark tanks. they are the hands and feet of their evil masters and they don’t have a lot of emotional depth or backstory. 

politicians/financiers abound in the james bond franchise because he is a government employee who often hangs out with other government employees (he has no friends). these people are like colonel rosa klebb, georgi koskov, prince kamal khan. there are a lot more, as a matter of fact, because the whole point of james bond is that they are in the cold war and even people without titles have political and financial motivations for screwing around with stuff. these types of villains depend on being well and truly embedded in an existing infrastructure or hierarchy, somebody who worked their way up from being a foot soldier or clerk into a powerful leadership position that gives them a lot of state-sanctioned trust and authority.

technicians and inventors include folks like henry gupta and boris grishenko, who use technology as their primary weapon. they are often inventors or innovators and are really good at making high-tech stuff. however, i think this stream is also a direct result of the character Q, someone who is actually on James Bond’s team and who runs an entire department of people who test sometimes outlandish gadgets for Bond to use in the field. (but we love the gadgets. they are fun.) in other words, Bond arguably has a technical stream at his disposal in MI6, which means the idea isn’t necessarily evil, but, likewise, our James Bond School also needs Qs. it’s the rules. if you are familiar with Q from James Bond at all then you understand

and that leaves us with alphas... the “supervillains.” these are the famous ones. dr. no. mr. big. scaramanga. le chiffre. blofeld. max zorin. emilio largo. goldfinger. these are the ones with the master plan, the dreams to recreate the world as they see it, the passion to see their desires to fulfillment and the resources to make them happen. they are rich. they are fancy. they are larger than life. is it weird that karl stromberg tries to incite a nuclear war between Britain and the USSR so that a lot of people can die so that he can colonize the ocean? yes. but by god, it’s fancy and dramatic, and that’s what counts. 

are there other kinds of villains? oh, definitely. lots more. but you have to understand, that those kinds of villains generally don’t appear in Bond. sometimes! but it’s not a staple. for example, not many people in the bond films are motivated by revenge because each movie is kind of designed to function as a one-shot. villains don’t come back and so there is no revenge. the villain who gets the most notable reprise, jaws, actually ends up finding his true love in space. 

compare: every movie is going to have henchmen. every movie has government stooges making morally questionable decisions. (almost) every movie has Q, or some gadget stuff going on. and every movie has a big bad that has to be better than the last. 

so that explains why the streams are what they are. 

it was a jumping-off point for mark walden to figure out what this universe might look like and how different character types need to function. consider that while the core four are all alphas and are kind of insulated as a group, the teachers all kind of roughly align with one of these groups. colonel francisco, raven, and chief lewis are henchmen types, doing on-the-ground work to get stuff done. ms. tennenbaum and the contessa are political af, they are all about the corruption and infiltrating institutional power. ms. gonzales, ms. leon, and professor pike all have technical skills that help keep an organization moving forward. and over them all is the singular alpha, dr. nero, who is coordinating and monitoring it all for his own evil plan: to run a high school.

honestly, dr. nero’s hive idea operates just like a james bond villain plot! it works, or it does when pitching the idea. the problem is that the books continued after the pitch did, and with worldbuilding came some complications. namely, the fact that the megastructure of james bond villainy does not replicate well into a small friend group on which the narration focuses. so let’s return to the question presented at the beginning:

how can alphas really be alphas when not everyone on the field trip can be a mastermind?

i’m gonna give this to you in two ways. one, the way i personally interpret it as an in-universe explanation, given the background premises we have already established. and the other, why the stream system kind of ruins the structure it sets out to create.

so, for me, the alphas can be alphas because there is more to villainy than being a mastermind and there is more to being a mastermind than being in charge. as i think about it, this novelization is actually the backstory for every one of the students, who will go on to do great and scary things. they will manage big projects and come up with interesting ways to terrorize the British government, because that is what James Bond villains do (and James Bond does canonically exist in their universe). much like your actual teenage years, this is not the main event.

as students, the core four need to learn to do a little bit of everything. you gotta learn some lock-picking, that’s essential. everyone has to be able to climb a rock wall. it’s the rules. and everyone needs to be able to do some programming. that’s just the way school is. though everyone has a different personality and a different way of looking at the world, their education has to cover the basics because the fact of the matter is, none of them are villains yet. will they become one? that remains to be seen. but they are being given the tools to become the greatest villains if that is something they choose. 

the main problem that remains when holding this attitude is that the specialized skills of otto and his friends might be better suited to other streams, in which case, what is an alpha anyways?

here’s the facts: if everyone were assigned to a stream by talent, then there wouldn’t be an alpha stream.

franz? political/financial stream. 

nigel? laura? otto? technical stream.

shelby? wing? henchman stream. 

you can debate me on the specifics of those assignments, but the point is this: all the other streams are based on hard skills. franz can manage a ledger and that is a financial skill. laura can build a computer from scratch and that is a technical skill. wing can do martial arts, and each martial art is a physical skill that can be taught and performed in a measurable level of proficiency. 

the idea of being a “mastermind” is a much softer skill—which is to say, there’s no one recipe that will make it work. my manager at work has coached me by saying that leadership is often about having a “style,” and working at it that way. leadership requires interpersonal flexibility, being able to stay organized and to make important decisions rapidly, it is about being able to prioritize and delegate. and it’s very much open to interpretation, every day, all the time. 

let me tell you something else about james bond: there is a lot of classism, racism, and sexism embedded into every aspect of those films, but that goes for double when it comes to the villains in the show. to vastly oversimplify that very concept, it shows up in the bond films like this: henchmen are working class folks, the villainous equivalent of “the help,” and the supervillains are (usually) rich and glamorous and powerful. henchmen are uneducated (read as: stupid) and ugly and poor. no one cares if they die. (there’s more complexities, as always, but this essay isn’t actually about james bond so we’ll fast forward through My Opinions to the end)

the problem with replicating james bond in your villain school universe is that some of the biases of the james bond universe get replicated in there, too. poor and uneducated folks get turned into disposable henchmen whose lives are irrelevant. people who are educated and talented get fast-tracked to a more glamorous and interesting stream that will catapult them to the top of the ladder as soon as they graduate. if you look at the dialect with which block and tackle are written, they are clearly meant to be seen as a different social class than otto, despite the fact that otto is coming from basically nothing. and we understand that when otto graduates, he will be able to do basically anything that he wants to at all.

so, if you’re asking why wing has a role in the alpha stream when he doesn’t seem as leader-y as otto, there’s a simple answer: because dr. nero believes that wing can be more.

the climax of book one is dr. nero explicitly telling otto, wing, laura, and shelby that they are in his school because he believes in them and he wants to see them grow. they are given an elite status other students do not have despite the fact that they have just literally tried to escape. as we see in the case of duncan cavendish, the main way to get on that highway to a guaranteed career is to convince him that you’ve “got it.” for those who are not believed in, there is no way to make up for the special grooming. you’re stuck with the stream you’re placed in, doomed (perhaps) to be a second-in-command at best.

is all this intentional? probably not. but it is implicit in the structure of the story and, alas, that’s the way it is.

all i can think to say in conclusion is that while the stream system tends to replicate some of the unfair and classist realities present in other media and the world we live in, i think part of the reason we read h.i.v.e. is because the alpha stream is so appealing. imagine! you are competent and you have a desirable, specialized skill as well as a proficiency in many general skills and you are certain you are going to do good things—and all because someone believes in you. to receive someone else’s support and confidence can be life-changing. the magic of h.i.v.e. is that yes—lives are changed and ordinary, boring people were elevated to the level of supervillains. we are only left to wonder, are they the only people who deserved that honor?

[aitarose]

my gaang for nationals part 1

contains: permanent appreciation post for some of my really really close friends/mutuals (if you’re not in this i’m sorry, but i’d love to talk more if you’re interested!) in no particular order. where they fit in the scenario in which we’re all in haikyuu

notes: i love making these and i love you all, so here’s something that randomly came to mind when i read hesther’s love fest :) also, i’m clearly a libero asdjfkl. oh and there will be a part two to this for my other mutuals, but i’m tired and want to stop typing sooo that’ll come tomorrow maybe

↳ directory

+

@firelordhesther​: hes

↳ general words: 

hello mother, i’m rewriting this paragraph because i’m pretty sure you managed to read the first draft and i wanted to surprise you so here’s something new. i’m going to be nice since this is a public post and i don’t want strangers to see how much ~love~ i have for you. you’re the only one who can tell me what to do, like i actually listen to you which is weird..i don’t even listen to myself usually. ngl you scare me sometimes, but it’s a good kind of scary. ily..i guess. see you whenever i decide to drive down to the yeehaw land.

↳ team position: captain

besides the icky stuff up there, i think that you’d be the team captain if we were on a volleyball team. you have a way with words in which you can reign chaos in with a simple paragraph. you’re also very authoritarian, whether you mean to be or not, and then you give everyone advice in a nice way that doesn’t make us feel stupid. i’d listen to you if you were my captain, and i think everyone else would too.

@nekomabvc​: lina-chan

↳ general words: 

you’re my favorite person to harass. you’re literally me but in a nicer and whiter font. i really like making obscure memes about you and then emailing them to your personal email. that’s funny—besides all of that you’re like my bff lina-chan..my internet bff. my irl’s get really annoying sometimes and it’s nice to know that i can just text you and you usually answer, unless you’re doing your million step bathroom routine. and whenever i’m on the phone, ella always thinks i’m talking to you and it’s really annoying because i don’t like you..but also like..aishiteru. 

↳ team position: setter

you always say that setter is the only position that you’d physically be able to play, but i feel like you fit the position personality-wise as well. you’re very in control with everything around you, you like things to be a certain way and get frustrated when they’re out of place. you think logically over creatively, and would take control of the team in a way that no one else could. when you get in the zone, you can be really motivating and you’re good at guiding steps and practice. you’d be a really good setter.

@calcifers-newjersey-accent​​: ella

↳ general words: 

hello. i hate you. cancel quesadillas.

↳ team position: middle blocker

first of all, you’d be total middle blocker perfection considering your height and stature. bitch be literal tsunami in femal forme. you’d be jumping and popping and going BOP BOP to all those balls, and everyone would be like woah! she’s really good! anyways, you’d be a good defense because you’re always ready to help someone in need, whether that’s physically or emotionally. that’s it. my brain hurts from saying nice things.

@agniikaii​​: kyle (kaail)

↳ general words: 

kyle you’re my favorite asian, other than my little irl asian bitch named after a fucking spice, and i love calling you kyle and making frat references that you don’t understand. you’re very funny and i really like horny hours because i get to see all of the hot men that you like, even if they’re blonde..ew. you’re twelve hours ahead of me, and that twelve more hours that you have to do calculus homework, and that sucks..deal with it ig. find that derivative!!

↳ team position: wing spiker

you’d 100% be on offense. you’re like hinata, you’d bounce around and just pop those balls down to the floor. you’re small and probably fast if you really tried?? i don’t know how online gym works, but i bet you’re killing it girlfriend! you go! keep those boys thirsty! i’m laughing at myself idk what else to say. you have an aggressive side sometimes, and i can just imagine you bringing it out on the court.

@pxnk-velvet​​​: angie

↳ general words:

angelina argentina anal michael. you are so very talented in the creativity it astounds me. you’re such a good artist and have so much potential as a writer it’s just, augh, so proud. you make me laugh when you say Periodt! with that peppa pig meme, and you always send it even when it makes no sense in the conversation and it just makes me giggle hehe. 

↳ team position: ace

i don’t know if you know what the ace does yet, but they’re basically the powerhouse of the team. you definitely DEFINITELY have an aggressive side, and we’ve seen it come out a couple times and you would be perfect for this position. mwah. just perfect. with you as our ace, we’d never have to worry about that stupid wall and you’d just be the best. that’s it. the best.

@councilspectres​​​​: my new wife (just married)

↳ general words: 

HELLO HANNAH. i don’t know if you’re ever going to see this, because you never saw my last one pain, anywho that doesn’t matter. what matters is you’re very nice and funny, also horse girl, and you pop in at fun times. i can’t wait to go on our honeymoon to wyoming and have a great time with those horses. love u.

↳ team position: teacher advisor

i don’t think you watch haikyuu, and this is obviously not an actual position on the team—but you give off such takeda energy it’s crazy. he’s such a nice guy and just wants the best for everyone, he’s always there for them when things get tough, but also doesn’t hover. you’d be the best teacher advisor, and all the other clubs would be jealous.

@probablydisgusting​​​​​: sophia

↳ general words: 

hi sophie. your dog is super cute and i added myself to the private story today, but besides that you are very VERY funny and i really enjoy listening to your tangents, because it feels like i’m not the only one who can talk forever. you were the very first person to interact in the original chat and that’s really cute and i miss those days even though the snap gc is much better.

↳ team position: pinch server

you definitely don’t watch haikyuu, but if you know anything about volleyball you’d know that the pinch server is someone that the entire team relies on to change up the game. they come in when the team is at their wits end and save the say, which is just like you when you randomly pop into the chat and entertain us! you’d be a fire pinch server and would cheer SO loudly from the sidelines.

[boomerang109]

*looks at my fic, which hasn’t been updated in 4 weeks (other than edits because i Didn’t Like It) and i’ve now driven myself into a horrible writers block immediately after outlining the entire thing possibly because i have outlined the entire thing and i forgot where i was going with this but am i sending it anyway yes i am please god tell me to write someone threw my motivation out the window and it’s all muddy now and i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block anyway ily cant wait for the next chapter of wwda get it out when you can don’t stress ily bye*

don’t tell me why my brain is like “yes we can answer this but we’ll combust if we look at any messages.” there’s no logic but i’ll get around to your messages and everyone else’s there. (to everyone waiting for like two sentence answers who’s seeing me post paragraphs, i’m sorry. the braincell does not function)

the way that i’m in YES! i can help! mode even tho i myself am lowkey in writer’s block which means i’m not qualified at all ajfhjghfgfdjghj

first of all: outlines are just to guide you. they stress me the fuck out too (which is why i’ve refused to put my wwda outline to paper, despite the fact that this means the timeline is absolutely fucked. like it’s in my brain, but if i put it on paper i’ll try to stick to it and i’ll freak out--see my month long break when i had an “outline” for chapter four). you can have goals for chapters (ie, lay groundwork for foreshadowing/character development/etc) but overall? just let yourself sit in front of the computer and vibe. don’t think about where you’re going, just think about where you are. 

“i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block“ this? this is you judging yourself while you write and i don’t want to see ANY of that shit. writing is a process and editing is a thing, but when you’re doing your first draft you just gotta word vomit. sorry that’s a gross phrase but that’s what i do. and honestly? most of wwda is barely pieced together word vomit. idek why anyone likes it, but they do. and even if they didn’t--nothing would exist if you don’t put something to paper to start with.

apparently this advice doesn’t apply to everyone (i still can’t process @hella1975 ‘s writing technique like what the actual fuck) but for me one of the big things with writer’s block is starting where i want to start and just writing whatever fucking scenes i want. idk if that makes sense so i’ll put it into the context of wwda. so when i was still in my fucking intensive class i wasn’t writing cause i didn’t have time except for like a few minutes before bed at like 3am. now at 3am i’m not gonna write suki and azula being rivals cause i can barely handle that dynamic when i’m Focused. but at 3am i’m sad as fuck and i generally like to peruse the ao3 dadkoda tag, so instead i just wrote my own dadkoda scenes for much later (although they’re not actually that far off) in the fic. are they gonna need some editing cause i was just like ‘maximum angst even tho this scene is supposed to be about healing’? yes. yes i was. now the other day on the plane (when i really should’ve been working on an essay i didn’t end up finishing) i was like okay, i need to work on something actually relevant to chapter 12. but i’ve worked myself into a corner with my azula & iroh scene so i didn’t want to deal with that bullshit on two hours of sleep and also being called “miss” and other female terms in the airport got me all in the gender feels so i was like oh! i’ll write some more enby aang! and i wrote this like gorgeous passage or two on aang’s gender feels. and yeah, it probably makes no sense for aang cause i wrote it from a pov that was too much me and not enough aang, but the point still remains. i skipped to a part of the chapter that was important to me. and then i realized that aang could be having these thoughts in the context of another scene which led to . . . and there i was with somewhat of a complete thought for the chapter. 

also along those lines, if you’re having writer’s block you gotta look at that block. what’s wrong? is there something wrong with the story up to this point? is there something you don’t like about where you’re going? is there something you really want to write that you’re not letting yourself write? 

cause the thing is, we’re not professional authors. we’re fic writers. we do this for fun cause we love the characters. so if you’re not loving the characters for some reason, you shouldn’t force yourself. take the pressure off yourself. this fandom is so supportive, they’re not going to rush you (literally look at the fact that even as you say you’re excited for wwda you also tell me not to stress) and remember to apply that to yourself. it’s okay to need a break, whether that’s cause the vibes are off or cause you’re tired or any other reason. 

i tried to write a bunch of different thoughts cause i know different things work for different people, i hope at least one of these ideas help. i literally haven’t looked at wwda even though i really want to be writing (and i still haven’t been reading fic). sometimes our brains just don’t cooperate. and yeah, i could sit here and yell at myself and go “what the fuck boom you’ve been looking forward to writing for literal weeks and now you have time and you’re doing other stuff what is wrong with you” and sometimes it’s really tempting to give into that. but the truth is i don’t usually do as much work as i did the past few weeks on as little sleep as i got so i’m really fucking tired. and so i’m giving myself a break. and i’m just not emotionally prepared to read fic cause--oh oops i hadn’t admitted to myself until right this second that i was avoiding fic cause i’m suppressing my feelings that kinda hurt wtf this wasn’t supposed to become therapy hour wtf. but as dumb as all that feels to put, i’m not gonna delete it cause i’m sure you’re gonna read it and say something along the lines of “it’s okay to rest and wait to read/write if that’s what you need!” cause you’re a nice person. so say those things to yourself IF that’s what you need. but if you’ve been sitting in bed for weeks and don’t have any reason not to write, maybe it’s time to word vomit. or if you have a problem with your story maybe you should look at that. just, do whatever works for you but be gentle with yourself. give yourself the same kindness you give others. whenever i’m not sure how to handle something (or how to treat myself ig), i’ll ask myself how i would give advice to a friend. so maybe try that. look at yourself, your writing process, your fic like it’s a friend’s and be like hmm. what would i recommend my friend do? and if weird rambley advice that probably displays my many years of therapy is helpful to you, then know my inbox (and my messages that i swear i’ll answer some day) are always open. i’m not gonna read this over cause i know if i do i’ll be too embarrassed to post so i’m just hoping it’s helpful. much love <3

[gotatext]

                   hllo ! i’m nora ( she / her, 24, gmt ) crawling back to this rp once more like the dirty sewer slug i am !! i just can’t get enough, baybeyyy ! u may remember me frm such roles as alma putnam, rory bergstrom, bridget matusiak or greta o’driscoll 2 name jst a few.... sure there were more over these long years, bt the show must go on.... this is mimi, she’s dogmatic, tenacious n single-minded 2 the point of recklessness, she doesn’t like handouts n she’s funding her degree through her onlyfans account n moaning abt shit on tiktok. we love 2 see it !!  slam that like button n i’ll creep into ur DMs like the slippery worm i am   OR u can discord me at that bitch carole baskin#8664.   a humble pinterest.

『ALEXA DEMIE ❙ CIS-FEMALE 』 ⟿ looks like MIMI MARTÍNEZ is here for HER SOPHOMORE year as an ARCHITECTURE AND SOCIAL ANTHROPOLOGY student. SHE is 22 years old & known to be STRONG-WILLED, GOAL-ORIENTED, ARROGANT & EASILY BORED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ nora. 24. gmt. she/her.

this is p embarassing but i actually originally wrote mimi for a discord rp based around love island asgjag dont laugh at me but it was so chaotic n someone deleted it w-out telling any of us so i lost her bio.... all her threads....e verythin.... it was mad. but anyway we startin from scratch w this intro so bare with

mimi is a really extra character so when trying to flesh her out i thot of the most extra thing i could do n made a colour coded mindmap with watercolour paints detailing her values, aesthetics and early life. shoot me

background: she grew up in a trailer home in boulder city, abt half an hour from vegas. her mom had worked in a vegas casino for most of her 20s but relocated to boulder city for a slower pace of life / lower crime rate when she started having kids. mimi has 2 older brothers n she’s the youngest. has that invulnerable younger sibling complex n basically thinks nothing can touch her. very confident in her own intelligence and her ability to get shit done 

has mexican ancestry on her mom’s side. doesn’t know her dad. was raised with spanish catholic principals n found it all very stained glass windows and extra n that’s why she was kinda drawn to the decadence of vegas and all these massively high key aesthetics, like dia de les muertos was her fave thing growin up just bcos the pure feel of the festival and painting a sugar skull on her face n being able to party on the streets in a flower crown where everyone was kinda anonymous but together in this celebration

in boulder city her mom worked as a carer as there’s a lot of retirees there. mimi really resented the slow pace of life, longed for some fucking energy n life. she was a cheerleader in school but outside of school there wsn’t much to do except practise stunts and go on bike rides.  occasionally they’d get dressed up and catch a bus to henderson, the next biggest city for them to get tht sweet night life

her teenage years consisted mostly of hanging around the renovated motel blocks used as housing projects n tanning by the pool. very florida project if you’ve seen that. she reminds me a lot of the mum in that. also she started working as an avon rep going door-to-door when she was 16 bcos she wanted to have her own income. like as young as 14 she’d decided she was smart enough to go to college but she didn’t have the money n her family didn’t really see it as a worthwhile thing, her mom was very like the mom from matilda “you chose books.... i chose looks!” which i think is where a lot of mimi’s more shallow / appearance-driven traits come from

wasn’t really ‘cool’ until high school. before that she was a bit of a lisa simpson type. won a spelling bee when she was 9. was in the mathletes squad in middle school. when she went from middle school to high school she started cheer and tried to reinvent herself basically. always been very concerned with social mobility and keen to socially climb, like when she enters a new situation she’ll find out who the alphas are and quickly try n befriend them

when she turned 18 she moved out and went to vegas despite her mom hating the idea bcos it was everything she’d tried to get her kids away from. she worked in the clubs there for several years as a shot girl, a table dancer, n eventually she started workin behind the bar in a strip club. in the club it ws really hard to resist becoming a dancer bcos of the sheer amount they made in tips. no one really pressured her into it she just eventually decided tht it was way more logical to do it while she was young n fit and had the stamina and ppl were willing to pay to see her body so she started taking pole fitness lessons. she also started working as a cam girl around this time

working in vegas strip clubs is basically whats paid for uni. like she didn’t go at 18 like most of her friends did bcos she didn’t have the money and she didn’t want to feel indebted to a college like she had to compete for her place and not put a toe out of line bcos she was on a scholarship. she was determined to pay her own way and it took 4 years of working really hard and saving n even tho she was working in vegas she basically never went out bcos every penny she had needed to go on uni n thts how we get to radcliffe baybeeyy

part 2  - interior / values / personality

values: the aesthetic !! literally loves the aesthetic so much. everything she owns is super embellished, she’s a pop socket gal, her dell laptop is covered in glitzy stickers, she always has acrylics n probs makes nail art videos on tiktok. really tuned into tiny details like painting a little hello kitty above her eye which translates into her degree when she’s doing small-scale mockups of town plans n stuff... she jst puts so much detail into them. ppl often get surprised when she tells them she does architecture but it makes so much sense bcos she grew up in a trailer park n was always thinking about ways the space could be more efficiently used, like she loves re-conceptualising neighbourhoods, definitely spent hours on sims as a kid. she also grew up near hoover dam n so loads of school trips they just took them there n she was like.... this is tight but it could be cooler.... where’s the passion....

massively into photography, has such a neat instagram feed like everything just compliments the tones in the next post like mMMM. idk if any of u know any architecture students but this is literally the one constant i can find…. like they all have super good instagrams feeds. is that bitch that will take 40 fake candids of u in a row at different angles to get u the perfect profile picture cos she understands the importance of marketing urself and having an online #brand

has wire rimmed glasses that she doesn’t need to see BUT they r like a magnifying glass for when she’s working with really small materials to do a mock up of an urban plan, and also just sometimes wears them for the aesthetic bc she’s such a pinterest bitch

assassination nation is such a big mood. literally the aesthetics of that and lily colson’s whole brand of feminism and nudity not being inherently sexual but at the same time wanting to profit off that bcos why the fuck shouldnt she use a corrupt system to her advantage is incredibly mimi

literally a human personification of a bratz doll both in attitude and fashion sense

somehow simultaneously gansey in the raven cycle AND elle woods in legally blonde? the two genders 

values cont bc i started rambling: her independence and freedom. being the best at any given task she sets her mind to accomplish because she is unable to accept failure. social mobility. sexual liberation. interested in the psychology of sub-cultures and how ppl form groups and interact w each other and cult identities which is why she minors in anthropology. pro-choice. pro-weed legalisation. pro-sex worker rights. very activist.

aesthetics tht remind me of her: von dutch. a strappy cami top that says ‘please do not do coke in the bathroom’. low-waisted jeans that show off her belly button piercing. acrylic nails tapping against a heavily embellished second-hand dell laptop. heart shaped sunglasses in every colour. translucent stripper heels with barbie doll heads and plastic spiders in the heel. spraying champagne you cant afford all over the walls. narcotics in a heart shaped locket. an amazon wishlist full of lingerie linked on your tinder profile. sex tapes recorded on VCR. a religious devotion to waxing clinics. necking shots like you were born to do it.

she’s an enfj type which makes her pretty charismatic and confidence, like she has a fierce kind of energy to her, but she’s also super unwilling to accept criticism, dogmatic and can only really see her own way of thinking, quite ruthless when it comes 2 other ppls emotions despite having a poor control of her own and being prone to turbulence / throwin a bitch fit in the craft lab. easily bored. competitive. self-assured to the point of arrogance. forceful. adaptable. usually more rational than emotional but occasionally loses the ability to make rational decisions when blinded by a need for perfectionism.

very goal-oriented. money motivates her. money and clothes. she wants to look bomb while earning big bucks. when she gets her mind set on a project it literally consumes her she will forget to eat and sleep? i don’t know her.  like when a final design project is due for architecture she’ll be up all night doing adderall and speed to keep her awake working on the placement of a single tree for ages cos its gotta be perfect

loves chaos. will spill your secrets and pretend it was an accident. will always be that gif of kim kardashian sipping her tea while drama unfolds around her. lives for the drama like that gifset of bratz when she comes running and gets her phone out to record a fight.

im makin her sound like a really bad person but hopefully she’ll be somewhat likeable she can be very charismatic and endearing and she’s naturally quite funny. also now she’s finally in college and doesn’t have to worry so much about money she actually allows herself to party n bcos she denied herself of it for so long she kinda makes up for it by going p wild like will be the girl climbing on to stage to crowd surf at gigs or doing a summersault off the bar and being escorted out by bouncers, thats the energy were looking at, pure dionysian hedonistic impulse

really gd at talking her way out of shit like parking fines. so good at being an ‘im baby’ girl and often dumbs herself down to figures of authority to appear less like a threatening ball-breaker and more like a confused fiat 500 girl who didn’t know red meant stop she thought it meant slow down

listens almost exclusively to female artists. has fergalicious on repeat when she does squats infront of the mirror n just the biggest fergie stan. also lana del rey’s whole vibe is massive mimi energy

ok ya thats all i have for now..... hopefully this is somewhat coherent and not just garbage.

[zephyrine-gale]

Can you give us some details on your ocs? They seem interesting and cute too...❤

of course!!!!! I have sosososo many alignment charts and dumb character notes on my ocs (and zero plot!! lmao) 

xii noitome | ralts | 18 | 5′0″ | baby sword lesbian !!she’s the protag of my nuzlocke!! has achromatopsia and can’t see colors, but her trace ability senses emotions in colors! and that’s how she sees, people look very colorful to her (her name is literally “see” and “emotion” spelled backwards wink wonk :3c ) she’s from hoenn, lived in kalos, and came to sinnoh to do research on the lake guardians (specifically mesprit, pkmn of emotion!!) tries to act based on logic but very emotionally driven; she’s a people pleaser too, wants to get on people’s good side. big bookworm, loves planting berries, loves baking sweets, zones out a bit too much, favorite color is bright yellow (bc it’s associated w happiness for her!) also really likes swords; she manipulates her psychic powers to resemble blades. 

the rest are under the cut bc I have a bit to say abt them + lots of pictures :> !!!!

relos solux | shinx | 19 | 5′5″ | hopeless romantic disaster biprecious ray of sunshine!!!! his name is literally solar sunlight,,,,, sun sun,,,, the moon moon of my nuzlocke, my favorite boy……from jubilife city, just wants to get money so he can move out with his sister bc his family is,, very pushy with academics and not really emotionally supportive. they want him to take over their business in the city but he just really wants to move to floaroma town and sell flowers or smth sdjgjkknows asl and sometimes signs when he’s in a verbal conversation and gets really flustered, loves listening to lofi (idk how his ears fit under headphones btw, we dont talk about that lmao), very easy to get along with, a bit of a pushover but very sweet. When he refocuses his eyes, they look like a calibrating camera apeture lens. he can make his eyes glow too :>

zel saelis | floatzel | 27 | 6′2″ | genderfluid big dick energy gay lesbian (currently goes by she/her in the story!)powerful dance babe hobo in-story. lost her wallet while surfing down a river during a trip like a dumbass but plays it off as intentional and conveniently joins the team. main motivation for fighting is that she misses her gf and wants to see her gf, absolutely sappy and horny on main for gf. will text “hey baby gorilla” “I MEANT BABY GIRL” to her gf, still somehow comes off as smooth“take it easy, but take it”, very chill, networking skills are on point (knows a looot of big name gym leaders in the region), she carried my team in-game so I love her very much mvp !!!

Team Vince!!! aka rival team (’v’ )!!

vince ginisci | piplup | 19 | 5′4″ | distinguished gay, a suave graceful penguin boyone of professor rowan’s kids, top of his class, absolute nerd (very big on planning strategies for gym battles, team synergy, etc), resting bitch face he’s basically this meme, but replaced w “professor lecturing about something they care about” and “me, taking notes”

mom friend but doesn’t say it, calm but will absolutely throw down for his siblings and friends. 

I ship him with relos, they’re both in pining hell except vince is more chill and casual about it while relos just. ajdclkgfdflkjhgdfkjhglhkjl !!!!!! every time he sees vince :’> (relos can be smooth when he wants to be though!! after practicing a lot of times in front of a mirror sajdkgj)

i love them they’re basically all I draw aside from these two (who I’ll probably make another post for bc I designed them very recently and yet they have so much more art than my other more important characters asdjffjkg. they’re dumb emotional environmental science nerds)

eli rosado | budew | 17 | 5′2″ | distinguished bi gre up in the trophy garden/mansion. his father is a fashion designer, rich af, never let him do anything bc other people can do it for him, so he’s in high key teenage rebellion and wants out, tiny ball of anger, will leave you on read/seen at 2:30am, embodiment of  >:3c (vince gets him out of the place and on his team !!)will woo the delivery boys that send stuff to the mansion romeo & juliet balcony stylesleep???? who is she???????? will stay up for extremely long periods of time, drinks poison, takes a bunch of stun spores, poison powders, all of those status inducing moves, just to test the limits of his natural cure ability (not a good life decision, he’s working on it asdjfgjk)

alex mune | munchlax | between 19-21 idk yet (i lost my age refs for all of them and theirs is one I definitely don’t remember,,,) | 6′2″ | panromantic acebiggest moods are: sleep is godly, lets get this bread, and the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cellthey’d rather be asleep than do anything, will wake up at 5pm and sleep for more than half the day. if they can avoid doing things then heck yeah that’s what they’re gonna do; used to people not talking to them and not having an opinion on anything, but they’re also an introvert that loves to talk ;v;loves puns, hypotheticals, asking random questions. they’re basically a shitpost generator asdjgkj

I have a whole bunch of other characters for this nuzlocke (and a few I haven’t chibi faced yet) so if you want to know about them !!!! let me know I’m v happy to talk about my dumb children :3cthey’re all I’ve been drawing for the past few months (along w my friend’s ocs bc I love them too)

Main team:

gym leaders/e4/team galactic:

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 52-55

Chapter 52

Valen interrogates Andi about his father’s decision to make her his rescuer, and instead of going “take that up with your dad because I don’t know his reasons for doing this,” Andi tries to be all apologetic about all the Kalee stuff and saying how she’s changed and Valen’s like nu-uh!

“It was a mistake,” Andi said again. “If I could take it back—”

Valen gritted his teeth. “Murder isn’t a mistake.”

Have I finally gone off the deep end or is this fucking funny?

“If I recall, you were the one who allowed your little sister and her friend to sneak out for a joyride on your father’s brand-new transport,” Andi replied. Her words were soft and casual, but her eyes were on fire.

“Spectre,” Valen said. “Spectre first, and always. You failed her as that.”

“Again,” Andi said, “it was a mistake. I’ve had to live with the cost of it.”

“Kalee didn’t!” Valen screamed. “She didn’t get to live, Androma!”

It’s honestly impressive that whenever I go into a chapter that’s relatively short and think it’s gonna be fine and I’ll just skim over it, Shinsay proves me wrong by including more bullshit that I just have to talk about. But hey, part of the reason I have this blog is so that people know what not to do and examining why certain things just don’t work, with the added bonus of having the context for it.

It’s also impressive how two women somehow keep making the wrong choice for the same one book, over and over and over. Every narrative choice in this book is wrong.

So, what’s wrong with this particular bit? Remember when Dex and Andi were having their stupid argument and Dex, right after trying to apologize for what he did and explain himself, turned around and started blaming Androma for it instead? Here it’s even more jarring, because Andi genuinely believes she was to blame for Kalee’s death and genuinely wants to atone (or she claims to want that, at least). So when she, out of nowhere, starts trying to defend herself and shift the blame onto Valen? That shit don’t make no sense, y’all.

I think this is a result of the book having too many pointless POVs. We’re in Valen’s right now, so obviously he needs emotional triggers to react to and start monologuing over. He needs to be provoked and damn logic and character consistency, he’s gonna get provoked! Andi’s words make no sense and will not be examined closer once we’re back in her POV, she just said this OOC shit for the sake of drama, yet given everyone’s awful characterization, even small things like these serve only to undermine the characters and their motivations even further.

Shinsay don’t understand that sometimes, no arguments is far more impactful than a dramatic verbal battle of cheap witticisms. Instead of this, Andi could’ve just sat there, quietly, letting Valen dunk on her because she feels she deserves it. Hell, this entire conversation could’ve been saved if only Andi’s blame-shifting line had been given to someone else! I didn’t even read it as her saying it at first and had to double-check and that’s when it fell apart to me.

God, I could go on like this forever. Feel free to send me asks if you want me to elaborate on dialogue and characterization, I guess? Let’s just move on.

The others try to figure out how Valen was taken and what happened when he was, asking him if he knows anything about Queen Nor, at which point Rage Unlocks Within Him, and he gets up and leaves.

I also want to mention that Valen talks about “things being tense after Kalee was gone,” but Kalee’s been dead for four years, while Valen was taken two years ago. Sooo uh ... huh? He makes it sound like it was two months after and not two years. He could’ve said things “changed” after her death and it would’ve sounded better. Idk just a preference I guess.

Also ... I just realized Valen’s been missing and tortured for two years. How he still talks normally is ... pretty bonkers, to say the least.

Chapter 53

Andi goes out to find Valen but finds Lon instead, his blue tiddies out.

Lon leads Andi to where Valen is, all while dropping hints that Lira has something to say to Andi and that Andi shouldn’t try to influence her decision. To her credit, Andi says she won’t, and that she loves Lira as her sister.

Andi and Valen sit around in nature for a bit and talk about Valen’s art. I don’t hate it?

“When I was locked up, I almost forgot what colors looked like,” [Valen] said, lazily brushing the stick back and forth against the mud. “Did you know that black is more than just a single shade?”

Anish Kapoor would like to know your location.

Valen says he can’t forgive Andi for what she did, but he can also not forgive himself for being part of those choices(????). Andi speculates that her accusation earlier must’ve struck him deep, but that’s all we get on that, no explanation as to why she accused him at all.

“In Lunamere, I had nothing to keep me company but my pain and my thoughts. I had lots of time to think about that night, and everything leading up to it. Time to realize that we were raised in a society where perfection is the only option. But that doesn’t mean it’s always possible. We all made bad choices that night, not just you. She got on that transport herself. And I chose to stay behind.”

Andi wanted to speak, but she feared it would shatter this strange, heart-wrenching moment they had somehow found themselves in.

Thanks for telling me it’s heart-wrenching, lest my idiot self got lost in all this emotion and forgot to realize what was happening.

Christ, even when Shinsay have a decent dramatic and emotional moment going, they just can’t keep their grubby little hands to themselves, huh? I know it’s your book but can you shut the fuck up for a moment and just let the prose stand on its own?

God, if only there had been an editor.

Both Andi and Valen admit they wish they’d died with Kalee and in any other more competent book this would’ve been quite touching.

“Without Kalee...” Andi began, finally voicing the realization she’d come to terms with these past few days. “Without Kalee, there wouldn’t have been a sentence for me to run from. And without that running, I never would have found Dex. And without him...”

“You wouldn’t be the Bloody Baroness,” Valen finished for her. “My father would not have hired you.”

It was a vicious cycle, one that Andi wished she could have undone before it had ever started. But it was her story. Her life.

Her life is a series of reactions to things outside of her control? Love that for a protagonist.

Listen, I know it’s supposed to be sad and stuff, but even Andi’s backstory reinforces her reactionary personality and the way the plot is driven by things completely outside of her control. It’s hard to feel invested in a character when they never make choices and instead only react to whatever happens to them.

Anyway, Valen and Andi seem to have gotten over their differences and go to the festival together. That was easy. I guess it’s to throw us off the scent and make it more surprising when he suddenly turns out to be evil? I’m honestly not sure. It’s pretty bad either way, but I don’t have to tell you that.

Chapter 54

We’re with Lira again and she’s staring off into the distance thinking about the festival. Lon appears again, tiddies still out, but now his muscles and “sculpted” chest feels kind of weird to comment on since we’re in Lira’s head? Whatever, maybe Adhirans are weird like that.

Lon says some cutesy shit about how technically Lira is this planet’s princess but she doesn’t reply or even think about how that would make him the prince? He just says he’s her brother and has to guard her. Maybe Adhirans also don’t let men have political power because that’s what Shinsay think feminism is.

Anyway, they join the other girls and head to the festival while Lira mopes about her decision and how she can’t have two families. Except you can. But whatever. Logic isn’t dramatic enough, I suppose.

“It’s time to let loose,” Breck said. “Lir, you look like you’ve just puked up a pound of Moon Chew.”

“Lira doesn’t puke,” Gilly said.

“That’s ridiculous. Everyone pukes,” Breck added.

“I’ve never seen her do it. And I spy on her, like, all the time.” 

Lon chuckled beside Lira. “I see it,” he whispered. “What draws you to this crew.”

I don’t.

Also they’re in the same close space it seems, so I have no idea how they 1) don’t bother to ask Lira what’s going on and 2) don’t notice Lon being all whispery and shit. Convenient!

Gonna gloss over the spying bit as well, I see. Hey, they do have those eye implants that you don’t need consent to activate. Maybe Gilly’s been using it to perv on the rest of the crew.

Lira decides ... not to decide, and just fuckin party down for tonight. I guess in this universe it means she’s gonna get blackout wasted, because That’s What Adults Do. I should also mention that she decides not to decide and then never has to decide anyway because the plot intervenes and the choice is made for her. Love that for a character.

*sigh*

Chapter 55

We’re in Dex’s POV and we get some decent descriptions of how cool the festival is with more incidental aliens and traditions. Dex spots the crew and thinks about how they’re his crew now and realizes he’s bonded with them. I’m glad this is spelled out because I would not have noticed it myself, and frankly I both do and don’t mean it this time.

They’ve only been together for a couple of days, tops. I guess extreme situations make people bond faster but I really feel like we’re jumping the shark here. At the same time I can tell that Dex clearly fits into the crew pretty well, and this just feels forced and redundant. All in all, this comment is just unnecessary. Let the characters evolve and grow closer naturally, Shinsay. You don’t need to convince us they’re a crew, you can just show us and we’ll believe it!

Dex spots Valen and Andi and of course we get a horny description of how cool and sexy Andi is and how impressed Dex is that she and Valen are already friends. Then he decides to get drunk and eat some meat.

Frankly? Relatable. Chapter? Pointless.

[undertaleartistshit]

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23186284/chapters/60573760#workskin

Aaand the next chapter of my fanfic is out! Btw, does anyone know how to put it under a cut? Cuz idk how 👀

____________

Chapter 2: Morning Meeting

The loud, repetitive beeping of the alarm shook Ink out of his slumber. He didn't dare open his eyes, his head felt too groggy and hazy to even think about properly waking up, however his alarm didn't fail its job of annoying him awake. Despite having no true emotions and having to rely on bottles of paint to feel, Ink made it day to day acting - almost - like a normal monster. He was happy, sassy, bright, he got annoyed *very* easily, and... he was forgetful. Was that an emotion? Ink didn't know, no one ever told him. No one explained exactly what feelings were to him. Since he FELT forgetful, he just assumed it was a feeling everyone got, just like happiness or sadness or whatever else.

Ink opened his eyes to a ceiling marbled silver and gold and walls filled with papers and ideas, sketches mostly. Color peeked through every few inches, giving the room an incomplete feeling and giving Ink the adequate motivation to get up. He hated incomplete things, hated the way it made his head ache and his spine tingle and his chest tighten. He switched the alarm off, wincing at the bright red colored numbers. 6:30. He slid his legs off the bed onto the hardwood floor, not bothering to make the bed. By his logic he was going to sleep in it again in a few hours and felt no reason to waste time on tidying it. Although it was quite contradictory to his hate of incompletion, Ink just didn't have the energy to care about the bed. It wasn't like magic or a drawing; sometimes it doesn't do what you want it to. Some days the fabric is just wrinkly, for example.

He stood up slowly, careful to not jostle his skull too much, and wove his way through the stacks of notebooks and papers and whatnot, careful not to knock anything over as he made his way to the door, the only think uncovered by paper. He took his sash off of the hanger set off to the side and made his way through the house to the living room. It was empty.

Ink was then hit with the memory of the previous night, realizing his mistake far to late.

Meanwhile, Blue was already awake in his tidy room, silently scribbling away ideas and plans at his large desk. He rarely needed sleep and he considered himself lucky, for the most part. He had only slept 3 hours the night before, but he didn't dare go to the kitchen or turn on any significant light source, in case Dream was awake. Dream was like an older and overprotective sibling, however Blue refrained from considering Dream a brother.

He wrote down idea after idea, answer after question, in beautiful cursive handwriting. He was almost done when a soft alarm went off in his pocket. He took out his rather modern phone, shutting off the buzzing immediately. He sighed softly, looking at the time. 6:30 already. Unlike the other Star Sanses and despite what people thought about Blue, he preferred to keep his phone on a dark setting and color scheme. In fact, most objects in his room where either a soft neutral color or a darker color. His eyes didn't burn that way.

He stood up, putting his pen down and pulling out a sweatshirt to wear instead of a tang top. It reminded him of his battle body. He never put it on anymore. He was pretty sure he burned it or at least tossed it. In the past. He shook his head, pulling the grey article of clothing over his skull and left the room soundlessly. He wasn't in the mood to get snapped at by either of his teammates, and no amount of them saving him could put him in the mood for that.

He stopped before going into the living room, taking a second to stop and self reflect. He was still riled up from being kidnapped just two days ago, plus last night's argument between Dream and Ink, and he needed some time to calm himself. He couldn't go into battle like this or even simply have a civilized discussion without his survival instincts kicking in. He had to tell Ink and Dream about it but he had no idea how the two would react. He wanted to put it off but if something happened than he would have no choice. Despite this, he decided to wait.

Blue casually strolled into the room, sitting down besides Ink on the couch, who seemed to be just... blah. "Mornin' Blue," Ink mumbled with a sour biting tone. "Good morning, Ink. Did you sleep well?" Blue inquired softly, keeping his naturally attention seeking voice low. Ink let out a 'hmpf', and let his head flop backwards. "I got sleep but there was no quality to it, if you understand what I mean." Blue didn't quite know what he meant, but he nodded believably anyways.

Dream suddenly walked into the room with a bright and happy pace. "Up and at 'em you two! We have things to do today." Ink groaned rather dramatically, and Blue sighed in frustration. Blue was generally a bright and happy person, but... today he was just so out of it. He was recovering, for Christ's sake. He wasn't happy about being kidnapped at all, and he had a lot on his mind lately.

But, being him, Blue reflected a bit on what the other two are dealing with. First off, they were immortal GODS who needed to protect and help the millions of AUs out in their Multiverse at any cost. That was already almost a good enough reason to spare them a lecture. And Blue could see why having an active mortal ally would be stressful to deal with, especially when going up against the Dark Sanses, who are by far the most dangerous beings out there. The two Gods had to watch their FRIEND get manhandled and get beaten within an inch of his life every single time they went out to fight. It must be hard on them. But Blue had to really wonder for a second. If they cared so much about him, why would they leave him to get kidnapped? The way it happened was quite stereotypical.

Before Blue could start becoming self conflicted, and start another argument within himself, a screeching ringing startled the three skeletons out of any security and peace they'd found in the last few minutes. Dream flinched harshly and wiped his head to the side and glared at the telephone with an intensity that could slice diamond. Blue had a deep blue bone club materialized in his hand in an instant, his stance tense and ready to strike at a moment's notice. Ink had his paintbrush in hand, his eyes already red, pointed and alert, his body language radiating an aura that could startle the most conditioned soldier.

But it was just a telephone call. After a few moments of just sitting there staring daggers and curses into the poor phone, Blue huffed and flopped back down on the couch with a soft thud and dissipated his club. Ink relaxed soon after, not dismissing his brush yet, and Dream grabbed the phone swiftly, not wasting another second. "Hello?... Uh, yes, we have plenty of time... Yes, we're all here toge..." Dream trailed off and his eyesockets widened, a glimmer of happiness dancing across his face. Blue and Ink looked curiously at their teammate, the two sensing either mischief or pure and utter relief and joy coming their way. Or maybe both.

"OHMYGOSHYESI'LLTELLTHEMASAP" Dream blurted, looking at Blue and Ink with a stupid wide grin. "Core found a lot of useful information about the concert thing. They said that they are actually pretty proud of their work!!" Ink cocked a bone brow in confusion and spoke with a cautious tone. "It's great they found that but... what do you mean that they're 'actually proud'? Core loves all the things that they help with."

Blue looked at the two skeletons with a tired glance. "Nevermind that Ink, make a portal already," Dream snapped and quivered with excitement. Ink rolled his eyes and and stood up with his brush, making a portal to Core. Core took a step into the room with a stack of notebooks, binders, and papers and smiled politely. "Nice to see you all again. I have some useful info."

The Star Sanses all smiled softly, except Dream, who was practically vibrating with pure euphoria. "Please sit down on the couch, Core!" Dream grinned as he ushered the monochrome seer to the couch. Dream wedged his way between Ink and Blue, hissing at the latter quietly to scoot. He patted the remaining space besides him for Core, who smiled brightly and laid their stuff out on the empty coffee table in front of them.

Blue blinked a bit, listening as Core started to explain and habitually ignoring Dream's rude gesture. It wasn't a full on conversation, so it was somewhat easier for Blue to follow. Everyone settled in, patiently listening. "So," Core began.

"I have gathered some information about the concert, and although it isn't much to go off of, it's enough to give an idea about how... well, in honesty how thought out this entire event is. First off, general stuff. The place is set in an empty AU, titled "\\\\\tale" and has 3 fixated portal ports, presumably for crowd control. It is accessible by every AU, which may be a problem with culture clash and whatnot. And the date and time is pretty straightforward, maybe they rely on people to translate timezones? We may need to do our part in sending out important points to others if that's the case. The music selection will mostly consist of EDM, house, alternative rock, electro, and remixes of all sorts of other things. Any more info is in these files here."

Ink interrupted quickly. "Uh, I've never heard of \\\\\tale. What is it?" Core hummed for a second, than reached towards a binder, flipping through organized pages filled with notes and a greyscale color spectrum. After a while, Core ran their finger across a line or two, their lips moving ever so slightly in sync. "Oh, it's just an empty copy. Nothing dangero-"

Ink coughed, and pushed away from the three on the couch, and puked putred black ink all over the light colored carpet. Blue made a somewhat frustrated, somewhat skeptical grunting sound, and raced to the closest closet to grab cleaning supplies before the ink stained the carpet. Well, badly, anyways. Dream rushed over to Ink, holding him up a bit while Core sped off to the kitchen with a pitiful "oh dear".

Core scurried back to the living room with a rag and a glass of water in tow. Blue waited until Ink was safely seated on the couch before he began cleaning the carpet vigorously, spraying anti-stain detergent onto the pale flooring, and not holding back with scrubbing. This almost reminded him of the honey-stained floors of his bro's... Blue resisted the urge to knock on his head to erase those past-thoughts out.

Ink rubbed his head, mumbling a soft apology. "Uh..." Ink started slowly. "What were we talking about again..?" Blue sighed, and muttered quiet annoyed curses to himself. Before anyone else could react, Ink glared at Blue, albeit hazily, and he growled defensively. "What's *your* problem..?" Blue glanced up at Ink with a blank expression. "Ink, I'm sorry, but the last few days have been a bit hard on me, and you and Dream as well. I didn't want to deal with your... uh... condition, so to speak on top of everything else."

Ink paused, his facial expression unreadable. Then, slowly but surely, it twisted into confusion. "What the heck happened? And you mean the puking thing right?" Blue sighed and inquired with a gentle but firm tone, balancing between patient and angry, "Do you remember ANYTHING about the concert?" Ink's eyes narrowed in suspicious perplexity, and he shook his head. Blue huffed, picking the cleaning supplies back up and placing them back where they belonged.

Dream sighed softly, putting his hand on the back of his fellow immortal. "Ink, I'll fill you in on what happened." Blue sat down in his spot, Core sitting down next to the former. Ink stared at Blue for a second, as Blue stared at nothingness with an exhausted expression. "Blue...?" Dream asked after noticing his teammates vacant air. Blue looked at the people on the couch with him, and slowly voiced his concern. "We need to work on Ink's memory." Ink looked somewhat offended, but before Blue could elaborate his reasoning, Ink blurted out in outrage.

"Yeah, you think I haven't tried?! I've tried taking notes, sending it on my phone, using connections to things or whatever!" Blue blinked at the outburst, surprised Ink got furious about such a thing. He wasn't exactly a self conscious person... maybe feelings from the fight with Dream last night were putting pressure on his already poor self control. "Well, uh... maybe there's something we haven't tried yet..?" Blue suggested. Blue felt rather helpless. Maybe he should have waited until Ink was filled in on the situation before pointing out the age-old nuisance that plagued his mind.

Ink scoffed, averting his eyes from Blue, with a shaky hiss. "Even if there were alternatives... I don't want to hear them right now. I. Don't. Care." Blue stiffened at the tone, that phrase always seemed to bring back memories after all. He took a deep breath, and-

"Ink, please calm yourself!" Dream begged. Blue blinked and nodded in agreement. "Please?" Ink glared at Blue and Dream. An eternity of silence and harsh tension passed. There was only hostility and anger in Ink's gaze. He was truly offended that Blue thought that it was an easy thing to fix.

Blue was... not in a good mindset. He wanted to smack Ink for not using his brain, he felt like crying or screaming. He wanted to snap at the others for not prioritizing such a huge problem that really needed to be fixed. He was so frustrated and stressed, and he was just so overwhelmed. He was sad and hurt that Ink turned on him so fast as well.

Dream and Core sat helplessly as Ink continued with his rant. "You know what? NO!" he screamed at Blue, grabbing his upper arm with a steely death grip. Dream gasped, reaching out to Ink to make him stop, but Ink pushed him back down. "Dude what the-" Blue panicked. It was too familiar. Too close. Too parental.

Core sat uselessly on the couch. They were worried out of their mind, as well as Dream, but they simply didn't know any of the skeletons, besides Ink, to do anything for them in the situation. If they said something, they were truly worried about the repercussions that would stem from Ink later on.

Blue struggled to get away from the Protector's angry grasp, his mind tittering between pure panic and a sense of normalcy. Ink dragged Blue to a back room. Dream sprinted after the two other skeletons before jumping and holding Ink in place. He could sense that all Ink wanted to do was to hurt Blue, and it made Dream *sick*. Blue released himself from Ink, running to his room before he had the chance to get caught again.

"ALL I WANTED TO TO WAS TALK TO HIM IN A SEPARATE ROOM!" Ink screamed at Dream and he tried to struggle out of his companion's grip. Dream held on tighter and said in a calming voice. "No, you didn't. You wanted to hurt him all because he wanted to get rid of your memory problem. He didn't know it would offend you." Ink still struggled, although too a much lesser degree. "C-c'mon Dream! That was a horrible time to bring it up though! Give me some credit here!" Dream squeezed tighter. "You don't deserve credit here, Inky. Calm down, please." Ink stopped struggling, and began to melt into the tight grip. "I... I'm so sorry..." he whispered. "You need to apologize to Blue, not me. But I forgive you anyways! And, uh, give Blue a minute to cool off before talking. He's probably really mad." Dream released his hug, and looked at Ink as Ink smiled. "Ok.."

The two walked back to the living room where Core was sitting. Dream was beginning to shake as he sat down on the couch, and Core noticed. "Dream..?" Core asked fearfully. "I'm fi... fine..." The sentence started out confident, but then Dream shivered and collapsed on Ink, who was beside him. Ink flinched, as he started to panic as well. "Uh??" Ink's confused voice rasped. "Oh. Uh. Dream probably passed out because of the abundance of negative emotions," Core commented calmly. "It would make sense after all."

Ink nodded, getting up after shrugging Dream off of his side onto the couch so that he was laying where Ink was formerly sitting. Core got off of the couch, lifting Dream's legs up and helped Ink shift Dream's unconscious form into a seemingly comfortable position. A blanket was draped over Dream, and the Guardian of Positivity's golden crown was removed and placed on the table.

Meanwhile, Blue laid on his bed, experiencing one of the worst panic attacks he's ever had. He was in the past, and the present and future paid him no mind.

~~~[]~~~

Hate, worry, apprehension, fear, anxiety, panic, frustration, anger, nervousness, sadness, and betrayal.

Nightmare's single resting eye opened from his slumber. He took a deep breath, relieved at the singular negative emotions coming from an unknown source. He stood from his simple bed, leaving and walking towards the kitchen, where his fa-... minions were eating breakfast.

"Mornin' Boss!" Cross grinned. "Good morning everyone," Nightmare greeted, walking to the coffee machine, by which Horror was leaning on the counter, his singular eyesight fixated on the filling pot. "What's gotten you up so early?" Horror inquired, slowly. He was never a quick speaker, and the gang respected that. "You're one to talk," Killer snickered. Everyone responded with various levels of laughter and chuckles. "Well," Nightmare began. "I woke up because there was a huge influx of negative emotions from some random unknown place. And I have a feeling that if we go there, we can really fuck up whoever has those feeling, y'know?"

Dust grinned creepily. "Soo you're saying this isn't a slaughter, but a torture?" Nightmare chuckled, "That's one way of putting it. I have the coordinates so we can go right after breakfast. I've never seen code like it before though, we should be careful." All the Sanses agreed, as they began to cook and sip on their preferred drinks.

Little do they know...

[edelgoth]

conquest matchup

@the-alpahaca hi hi!! happy new year to you too!! also, it’s good to see you back with another request <3 sorry it took me so long to get this to you; i’ve been in a bit of a writing slump hhhh (the fact i’m saying happy new year goes to show how long i’ve kept you waiting i am SO sorry jlgdfdgfklj)

also i felt that “tend to waste my life away daydreaming” and having it be more of a defect down to my gut skljdfslfk. 

also, since you wrote me such a lovely matchup (and now headcanons), i’ve made this a little longer <3 

so, i match you with...

leo!!

listen, the contrast in this relationship. the balance that contrast brings. i’m living for it. 

you’re the bubbly & friendly to leo’s calm & somber. i think you two just have such so much to offer each other? 

for example, i think leo could help you keep your scatter-brain in check. or, if that’s out of the realm of possibility, he’s just so organized & purposeful that it balances out (watch me write the word balance one too many times dslkjfd) 

but on the other hand, leo could really do with having someone who likes cheering other people up around (hell, all the nohrian siblings could dskljflfkj) someone’s gotta make him smile, and that person is you!! 

leo needs some kindness to stoke his intensity; it’s an intensity that’s developed quite naturally out of the circumstances of his birth and his upbringing. so, i think your personality would help remind him how to be kind, and he’s very grateful for it 

furthermore, you two would have a good balance when it comes to understanding & forgiving too easily vs drawing the line too harshly; i think you two could really learn from each other and come to a healthy equilibrium!! 

leo can come off as quite cold, but honestly? i reckon he’s got a bit of awkwardness too. so sometimes he finds your own awkwardness adorable (good luck getting him to admit to that, tho), and sometimes he finds it painful because it hits too close to home. idk if that made sense dkljfsdsflkj

he’d find you quite intriguing at first (probably a bit suspicious of your motives, but that’s just how he is), because of that mysterious vibe you give off; finding out that you’re actually quite kind and scatterbrained would be quite endearing to him 

furthermore, because of the sort of person he is, he can help bring you back down to earth when you’re daydreaming 

but, at the same time, he admires your creativity!! it’s something he cherishes in you, and he never wants you to lose that streak

your wish for romanticism (the most traditional sense) in the everyday may just wake something up in him? the want to see the beauty in the world around him, to find meaning; and while your romanticism has caused you some strife in the past, i think leo’s very logical, analytical and observant nature may help you unpick that?? because it’s a very precious thing to want to find that which is worth loving, but he might be able to help you do that in a way that doesn’t cause you pain (i feel like this made NO sense i’m so sorry) 

nerd that he is, he’s impressed by the fact that you’re trilingual!! (so am i dflkfjf) i can see him being interested in learning key phrases from each of your three languages 

he loves your cooking!! (it’s taking everything within me to not make a tired joke about tomatoes hhhh) i can’t remember if his opinion on sweets is stated anywhere, but you can bet he’s going to appreciate anything you make for him  

definitely a documentary guy in a modern au

leo’s very observant, which means he always has something nice to say about every outfit you put together. it’s usually about your attention to detail  

pls use your fashion skills to fix his collar i’m begging you-- 

also!! the contrast in your tastes in fashion. high art.  

leo’s an introvert himself (i think), so he’d respect your need to recharge and will give you that space. it sounds like your energy levels match quite well!! 

leo knows what it’s like to isolate himself; with a childhood like his, it’s no surprise that he tends to hide himself away in his studies. i think that’d help him identify when you just need some time alone to catch your breath, or when he should be concerned. 

because he’s had such a different upbringing (one that’s like,,, sheltered, and yet also the opposite of sheltered,,, wtf is going on in nohr) he’d offer you quite the different perspective on life and the world and our place in it 

leo would really enjoy talking about philosophy with you!! or, rather, existentialism; he doesn’t have anyone to even touch on those subjects with, so you’d end up getting the full brunt of what he’s really thinking and feeling 

it might get overwhelming at times (boy’s been through some Intense stuff), but it also means he’d be very attentive in return; he genuinely enjoys hearing you talk through your thoughts and how you’ve arrived at them 

he’d definitely be able to talk for hours and hours with you about life, and actively encourage you to share your thoughts with him!! 

in general, i think he needs someone insightful and perceptive, not only to keep up with his own mind, but to understand him 

he’d love that you’re so interested in the world and people and that you just want to know about it all; it’s a part of him that he’s pushed down after prioritizing learning just to survive 

leo can be very no-nonsense, and from one melancholic to another, that can be very helpful at the right time asjkf 

he’ll constantly be telling you that you’re smart and intelligent and he will not hear otherwise; if there’s something you’re not getting, he’s going to do his best to try and explain it to you in a different way 

he’d point out when you were being too harsh on yourself. he thinks it’s absurd that you can be so cruel to yourself when you’re so kind to him and the people around you. he just can’t wrap his head around it 

he admires your kindness in general; especially the way you... think of other people and their place in the world, if that makes sense?? the reason being that, once again, his childhood didn’t leave much space for that sort of mindset (i’ll literally pay myself to stop talking about his childhood i askjfdfldkj)

funnily enough, i feel like leo is the opposite of you when it comes to the cold/warm dichotomy; where you’re very good at taking care of people and being a good friend, you’re able to let them go when the time comes. leo strikes me as the opposite; distant and hard to reach, but gets quite attached (i’m mainly thinking of his retainers and his siblings). i wanted to say something #deep about it but i’ll go back to the fact you have great contrast yet again 

i feel like leo would be okay with the fact that you’re not super affectionate, too; he’s a bit of a romantic, but i don’t see him being big on physical affection? like of course he enjoys it, but it’s not high on his love languages. i have nothing profound to say, just thought it was of note skljffdlj

but, he’s proved time and time again that he’s capable of being quite the romantic; so, he’d be able to meet you in the middle when it comes to finding a life full of romance!! 

i feel like he’s a big gesture guy, and he prefers using them to express how he feels over words

he’s very good at complimenting you (especially if he thinks you’re being hard on yourself), but he struggles to get frank with his own feelings; so instead, expect a lot of thoughtful gifts and dates

loves your writing. is always asking if he can read it. has a particular love for your essays, just because he’s also got an analytical mind

likes getting you to brainstorm with him whenever he’s stuck on a particular problem!! he just appreciates how your mind works and it can be such a contrast to his own (i get the feeling he’s got tunnel vision), so it’s a big help!! 

he’s not very artistic himself, but he loves seeing whatever you create, be it drawings or written pieces. i feel like he’d be surprisingly good at motivating you, without making it too obvious that that was his goal?? i’ve made less and less sense the further down this matchup we go

because he struggles with his inferiority complex, i feel like leo would be quite understanding of your own insecurity. of course, he disagrees (he thinks that being a jack of all trades certainly has some benefits over specializing, like him), but he’d be able to handle it with a sensitivity and thoughtfulness beget only by someone who truly understands 

and finally, he’d be grateful that you’re good at understanding people. leo’s got a lot pent up, and i think someone like you would be the perfect partner for someone like him!! honestly, he probably needs a bit of help understanding himself (same thing could be said about the rest of the nohrian siblings tbh), and i think you’d be able to help with that 

essentially, you connect on a lot of your core traits, but there’s still a contrast which could help incur growth!! bless this couple it’s such a high tier concept 

alternate matches

kaze: a big reason i chose leo over kaze is that i think you’d have more of a intellectual connection with the former? i think your personalities would mesh quite well, as you’re both kind and thoughtful and yet also a bit stoic. there’s still a good bit of contrast, where he’s reserved and you’re quite bubbly, which’d make this pairing quite cute. the general vibe i get from this pairing is ‘uncontrollably fond’, and i really like it? regardless of if you were romantically involved or not, i think you and kaze would get along wonderfully (and would likely end up as best friends?) 

laslow: now this guy is quite different from the other two. firstly, he matches your more bubbly side, while also being prone to moments of introspection. i think laslow has a certain maturity to him in fates that’d make him a good person to rely on. but, he’s not too serious and mature, so he’s still someone you could have a lot of fun with. but, while i said he’s prone to moments of introspection, i don’t think he goes quite as,,, deeply, as you do?? i can’t see him debating philosophy, tbh. but, i think he’d still be a really good match!! leo is just better

also silas was being VERY LOUD so he’s here too, i guess