#idk something about water and naked people is just fun to read and write...

[wrenmkingsley]

What's the maximum percentage of your work that can contain a certain kink until people start noticing? - I ask myself as I debate whether to put a bathhouse/hot spring/bathing scene in the fourth out of four works.

[hhunjins]

skz as roommates

Word Count: ~1200

Warning: some language

Note: just trying out something new! idk if this bullet format is going to be something i continue, but i had fun with this and wanted to share~ send me discourse asdkjfasd (also!! uni starts up again tomorrow so i’m going to hold back on writing for a while so ✌ until then)

Chan

You’re not sure if he ever sleeps because there’s always noise coming from his room but the lights are always off??

Has a calendar on the fridge delegating chores

Will send passive aggressive texts in the group chat reminding you to do said chores if you forget

Has perfected The Mom Look™ where he squints at you with his hands on his hips and says your name like this

Won’t really be in your space too much but if your door is open he’ll peek in, say hello, and ask what you’re up to

Blasts music while he showers

The one you go to to get stuff fixed

Always wants to do roommate bonding activities like making dinner together or whatever

Will go on grocery runs for everyone and send pics of things he gets if he’s unsure

Doesn’t mind if his snacks go missing because he leaves them out on the counter (its his way of feeding you)

Minho

Door literally always closed

Looks like he just woke up no matter what time of day it is

Has cat slippers that he wears only at the ungodly hours of the night when he goes to get food from the kitchen

Buys food and leaves it in the fridge, but doesn’t touch it until it expires/someone else eats it all

Will judge you for eating instant noodles but proceed to make his own because “you tempted me”

If you’re watching something, he’ll pull up a chair/plop down next to you to watch without saying anything

Will sometimes yell/make loud noises for no reason

If you find a bug, he’ll catch it and bring it outside (and scare you with it as he’s walking past, the gremlin) instead of squishing it

Leaves group chat on read/only ‘thumbs up’ reacts when he’s mentioned

Sometimes forgets to bring clothes when he showers and will walk out with only a towel and yell “don’t look, I’m naked!” when no one is looking

Changbin

If you’re sitting on the couch, 100% will come sit next to you “for company”

Gives you his Netflix password just so you’d watch movies/dramas with him

You’ll probably catch him doing sit-ups/push-ups in the living room at least once a week

Bought a step stool for the kitchen and while everyone made fun of him for it at first, they all use it too

Kind of terrible at cooking, survives off instant meals

Will ask you what you’re eating and if he can have a bite

Parents pack a shitton of food for him to bring back when he goes home to visit and that’s the only reason he’s not nutrient deficient

Does work at the kitchen table because he gets lonely

Heavy sleeper, you won’t wake him up if you’re accidentally too loud

There’s always something on the floor in his room (clothes, textbooks, his laptop???)

Hyunjin

Cuts fruit and leaves it in the fridge for everyone

Over-shops when he goes to the grocery store so the fridge is always full  

Wanders into your room, asks to borrow one thing or another, and then leaves (won’t give back the thing he borrowed unless you specifically ask for it back)

Leaves his stuff everywhere and forgets where he put them

Somehow always leaves a sock in the washing machine/dryer

Always asking to have roommate movie night (another “bonding” enthusiast)

Gives his opinion on whatever thing you’re watching if he watched it before and will sit down and re-watch with you just because

If he’s not in his room then he’s splayed across the couch on his phone/laptop

Will skip around the house if he’s in a good mood

Hums/sings to kdrama osts as he’s cooking or doing stuff around the house (will hand you an invisible microphone to finish the line if you happen to walk in)

Jisung

Sits in the living room in the dark on his phone if he can’t sleep at night (which scares you shitless every time)

Makes the bi-weekly walk of shame to the recycling with his arms full of empty water bottles

Eats in his room a lot

Does two loads of laundry at a time because he keeps putting it off (since he’s lazy) until he runs out of clothes to wear

Leaves dishes in the sink until someone calls him out in the group chat

Orders takeout at least once a week and tempts you with “do you want some too?” every time

If he catches you staring at his food, will share without even asking

Has headphones on 95% of the time so it takes a few calls of his name to get his attention

Will scream if there’s a bug and vacate the room until it is caught

Takes the longest showers

Felix

Always greets you/asks how it’s going when he sees you for the first time that day

Has a gaming system set up in the living room because his room is too small

Yells a lot when he’s playing games but will be quiet if you ask him to or if it’s everyone’s sleeping

Makes a ton of food and then wanders around the house telling people he made food

Will do other people’s chores if they’re not done on time

Sends memes/videos he finds funny in the group chat

Likes to lie down on the living room floor on his phone??

Mumbles/talks to himself

Randomly asks questions that sometimes give you an existential crisis

Likes to decorate the place according to whatever holiday is coming up and will make your birthday a Very Big Deal

Seungmin

Has a strict eating/sleeping schedule (will judge you for eating late at night)

If you’re awake in the morning, will ask you to eat with him (won’t take no for an answer)

Always does his chores on time

Will call people out by name in the group chat to get their shit together because mans has no fear

Stays in his room most of the time but the door’s always open

Periodically checks in on you throughout the day by walking into your room and standing there for a bit before leaving

Always asks before taking food that isn’t labelled

You caught him making “nyooom” noises as he walked from his room to the kitchen a few times

Sings very loudly when he thinks no one is home

Semi-disaster in the kitchen when he’s by himself but is very helpful when you cook

Jeongin

Takes naps on the couch (most are involuntary because he gets sleepy looking at his phone and just knocks out)

Cereal is his go to meal because it’s quick and easy and there’s no way he can chop off his fingers

Never has to cook legit food because someone is always down to feed him

Tags along on grocery runs but only buys snacks/junk food

Pretty good with all his chores except for taking out the trash so he needs constant reminders

Almost always the first one to wake up but makes a racket every morning while trying to get ready (and wakes up others in the process)

Will walk into your room and ask you to study/do work with him so he’s not lonely

Kind of clueless so he’ll come to you and ask how something works and you have to walk him step-by-step because the dude’s a hazard to himself

Orders things and forgets about them so there are packages by the door that go unclaimed for 2 weeks

Knocks out with the lights in his room on so someone has to go turn them off for him

[luimagines]

I am not a writer. Nor am I a person who posts stuff online,if at all rarely. But I am capable of typing and I am legally allowed to say that I have won a high school writing contest in my 3rd period English class in Sophomore year.I am still,what they call,VERY RUSTY.Take that as you may,but never in my life have I read an anonymous ask that has made me be burts into a desire to want to write down a bunch of story ideas of a dream that stranger had and then share it to another stranger online, to reply to publicly to about 100 more other strangers online. But none the less I STILL want to share to you sone of my--headcanons??--ideas??--bullshit dream story plotline??--(idk)-- I'll try to keep it limited because i don't want you to end up reading a rant novel-

I like to think that this //reader link? I'll just use y/n as a stand in i guess for this character or reader ??sorry if you dont like it,you can change it if you want?//before meeting The Chain Links *tm,she use to have a lot of problems being a #femaleheroinduringmediaveltimes but not in a way that most might see?I don't believe she would have really care for other people's opinions on the matter because she sees it as something very trivial and people will alway find a reason to look down on you and she also wasn't exactly let off easy for it during her training to be the hero of her kingdom.Even if she didn't want it,she was already destined and chosen for this path regardless of any possible sexist belief anyone had to offer.Her being the destined hero and needing to be strong enough to fight against Ganon was the utmost important thing on the to-do list,So bullshit like that was not accepted and they made sure it was in grain into her brain.

"Don't believe your enemies will ever go easy on you no matter what you are".

Most of the problems she would struggle as female I think ,would be on more on the biological side of things,for example like getting her period but being forced to have to truck though them anyways because she was a hero and it meant that you couldn't just take time off from your responsibilities and duty as Hyrule's saviour "just for some bad cramps" when you have lives to be saving and a world that needs to be protecting.So she would just not show any sign of complaint to the others about it or even let alone tell them about it and it just always seemed like from the outside that she would randomly just get super quiet and little withdrawn for no reason every month or so with a sort of tired/vacant look in their eyes?Anon also mentioned them having more of a military knight background and assuming she had been trained to or at least has lead troops into war/battle before,she could definitely be one of the teams best strategist along side with Warrior Link.I can definitely see them getting closer because of this as they're usually chipping in plans together and coming up with ideas/plans with what the best ways to use everyone on the team's special skills for certain position/roles during possible future battles.But a little bit after the whole "river" scenario i can definitely see legend sort of yell at her like

"wtf you is a girl and did not tell??? eXPLANaTiOn?????" "Because i didn't think it mattered??" "iT DoSe MaTtEr! ThAtS a bIG tHiNg!!"

There would definitely be a bit of an intervention with everyone to talk about the issue from "before". Maybe some what after everyone had gotten redressed and suddenly didn't feel like bathing anymore. After that everyone seem...awkward. No one knew exactly how to continue on with the revelation,so they all just stayed quite.At first she mistook this as a sign that everyone handled it well,she tried to continue business as always.While everyone was packing up to head out,she'd suddenly feel everyone's eyes.... Looking at her. When she turned she everyone just minding their own business.Maybe it was all just in herhead.The rest of the walk seem almost dead quiet.The once cheer mood of chatter was now replaced with an awkward tension filled with only small side glances,little quiet whispering from behind and an inability to look her in the face when she tried chatting with anyone.Is this what it was going to be like from now on?No of course not.They wouldn't let something as trivial as this get in the way of their relationship,right?they were still friends,right?

If you have the ability to but the stories in your head into recorded words then that makes you a writer.

No, I will not take any criticism on this matter.

This is beautifully thought out and it was a joy to read. I had to read it out loud out of fear that I would miss something entirely but I'm glad I did.

I would imagine it to be difficult to be on her period simply because when you're traveling there's no supplies to help out or lessen the situation! No cotton, no pain killers, not a lot of hot water to begin with... And yeah, she wouldn't say anything about it because a soldier wouldn't have the time to take care of it, let alone a hero.

She would also be the most used to blood on her clothes out of the group I think at this point. Just takes it upon her self to clean their clothes because they never seem to be able to get all of it and they don't know what they're doing even if she were to tell them how.

The boys think it's some magic technique but no.... it's just experience.

But the reader here that you mentioned would have had good teachers for burning it into her brain that it doesn't matter what body she has or what other people say because she the hero. She was born for this and there's no pleasing any one anyway. the best way out of this is to do the job and make sure you can get out alive.

What I want of the last paragraph is for her to get a little mad and question what the hell s wrong with everyone and then for someone to reply that it would have been disrespectful to look without direct permission because she would have deserved better than that. Like, they're fine with each other because they all have the same parts so like no big deal, but for them so openly show her themselves, verses her being seen openly.

I think it'll be a mixed bag of them being embarrassed that they were seen and that they saw her.

I think the ones least effected by it would be Wind, Warrior and Hyrule. Hyrule, because there's no like no people in his world so he doesn't have the same perception as the others, verses Wind who would probably be weird in the beginning but promptly not think too much on it because he has a sister at home and would help her bath when she was younger, verses Tetra who has had multiple shirts torn in the middle of battle- so who cares?

I was originally going to put Warrior as one of the most effected but I've played the game.... There are so many female warriors so if they got hit in the boob and needed attention then you take care of it. no questions asked and you move on with your day end of story.

The most effected would probably be Time, Twilight and Sky.

Time and Sky because- holy cow, I have a significant other, what am I going to say if they find out I saw another naked woman? Nothing. That's what. I'm a dead man if they ever find out.

Twilight because he was raised with his respect woman juice for breakfast and would have gladly turned away and oh my god- my mom is not going to like that I just didn't do anything this entire time and she's going to think that I just stared like some degenerate and what do I do now?

I think this is a fun concept and I don't mind exploring it more, but I'm beginning to suspect that I'm going to need a tag for the dream saga aren't I?

[pocmuzings]

A GUIDE BARELY ANYBODY ASKED FOR: writing smut foreplay 101.

NOTE: every body is different. every person likes different things, and reacts different ways. i’m writing from my various personal experiences as a Self Assigned Hoe, also the self titled Smut Queen of the rpc. NONE OF THIS IS DEFINITIVE. if you’re unsure- ask your writing partner first. always.

pls be warned this is quite nsfw and straight up Filth. it also is written from my perspective as a cis-gender, pansexual woman.

IMPORTANT OOC STUFF:

always, always keep communication to your rp partner open. consent is sexy. especially with writing.

gauge the mood. if you suggest something to your writing partner and they just say ‘yeah’ or ‘ok’... don’t take it as 100% go ahead. sometimes people, especially in the rpc, will say yes just because they don’t know how to say no. an ENTHUSIASTIC YES is really really good and necessary!!!

vice versa, make sure you tell your partner if you’re not comfortable with something. if you said yes to begin with to writing a scene, but slowly u start feeling uncomfortable and weird... guess what? U CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND!!! I GUARANTEE U NOBODY WILL BE MAD! IF THEY ARE- DUMP THEM AS A WRITING PARTNER!  change your mind whenever u want, about whatever u want. writing is meant for u. its meant for u to be comfortable. ur lil safe kinky space, if u so wish it to be!

talk to ur partner. be their pal. be their fwend. writing smut can escalate v quickly, and if ur not an active talker to ur writing partner, then sometimes things can get misconstrued, or uncomfortable. even if it’s just a check in like ‘HEY HOW WAS UR DAY’ or ‘is what im writing ok????? i love when ur character does ___’ or idk. just be comfortable and friendly!!!

u don’t have to write paragraphs and paragraphs of smut. just.. give a lil detail though. give a lil smth to ur writing partner. like any other reply, just writing one sentence is not really enough for another writer to reply to.

GENERAL SEX TIPS THAT I’VE PICKED UP THAT HELP ME WITH WRITING:

anal is super popular and super wanted atm. i’m not going to say it’s a ‘trend’, bc it’s not really. but it’s definitely becoming more and more mainstream. this DOESN’T MEAN u have to do it / write it, but just know that most ppl atm are on the butt train (yahoo!). so.. yeah, expect anal to be a ~written abt thing or Wanted thing

other ‘popular’ kinks i’ve noticed atm (through fb groups im part of and just friends in general) are choking, and spanking. but this is NOT everybody’s kink. just bc it’s ‘popular’ doesn’t mean its right for ur character. kinky, rough sex is becoming more mainstream i’ve noticed.

a handjob is like.... not ever super wanted. it’s a handjob. it’s not the greatest thing in the world. as far as sexy things go, this is basic tier. a handjob is better than nothing, but i don’t rlly know anybody who actively wants a handjob.

same with fingering- look, fingering is fine, and it can get things in motion, but it’s really hard to orgasm from fingering. i’d say borderline impossible, but this is just from me (and, again, the gals in my lives) experience. fingering is GOOD as a beginning saucy movement, just like a handjob is good to begin with.. but climaxing from it is not Super Likely.

cum is messy and gets everywhere. everywhere. 

pre-cum is a thing. discharge is a thing. women getting wet is a thing. it’lll happen. it’s messy. it’s a lot sometimes, and it’s really.. slick (idk how else to explain it, but it helps with the MOVEMENT of things greatly). it’s good to write abt bc guess what? it means somebody is turned on! this is GOOD

look a ‘tight vagina’ or whatever u wanna call it, is not a Good Thing, bc it means a person isn’t turned on enough / wet enough

when writing basically anything about genitalia... use spit. oh my god use so much spit. be disgusting with how much spit is there, bc u need that as LUBE (unless ur writing ur characters using lube!!!)

write vocal characters. in my experience, nobody is ever 100% quiet during sexy times. if ur character is being touched in a way they like, trust me- they’ll be moaning. they’ll be rocking their hips. they’ll be whispering more, more, more, yeah, like that etc.

if writing rough sex, have a safe word for the characters ic. practice safe sex even with writing! safe words are rlly good bc they also actually help create a safe ooc environment too!! that way, if somebody doesnt want to say smth ooc, they can say it ic, and hopefully feel more comfortable 

write realistic sex. pls. write about the awkward noises. or the accidental wrong movement. or the laughing. sex isn’t always magnificent and beautiful. it’s clumsy and silly. and it’s fun to write it that way, bc.. look, smut is meant to be fun! so make it fun! write it as fun and silly and goofy as u want!!!!

yes cis-men have the prostate and its located in the butthole fdnjkfjkndf. but u can’t write ur character just shoving a finger in a butt. characters, just like people ooc, need to maintain communication before trying anything ‘new’ like that. safe sex everyone!!!

don’t go straight to what’s between the legs. neck kisses. nipples. breasts, back scratch, dirty talk... this is all VERY IMPORTANT to foreplay. don’t ever use write ur characters diving on in, especially not to female muses bc female bodies work v differently. we need waRMING UP! we need a lil teasing.

write hand movement! write where your characters hands are. are they carded through hair? are they gripping sheets? are they clawing at someone’s back? digging into scalps? hands are ALWAYS doing something.

writing about shaving / hair down there is not super necessary, but u do u.

involuntary noises / movements happen a lot when smth is GOOD during foreplay. gasps. moans. cries. hips jolting. mouth falling open. 

foreplay is so SO important before sex. in real life, and in smut. if i write with someone and they go STRAIGHT to writing sex, no foreplay, im like ... hewwo ?? this just isn’t realistic, and my coochie clenches. 

when writing... make ur characters ask the dumb qs u’d probably ask real life. ‘should i get a condom?’ ‘are you on anything?’ ‘did that hurt?’  ‘can i cum in you?’ ffjnkf u get what i mean? i hope.

cis men do cum pretty quickly, especially compared to women. 

showers are fine for sexy times, but WATER is NOT lubricant.

READ FAN FICTION. there’s some really really good fan fiction out there, and it actually does help with ur own writing 

if a character likes something and says ‘yeah’ or ‘like that’... that doesn’t mean necessarily to write another character ‘speeding up’ or getting rougher. if somebody likes something ‘like that’, then keep it ‘like that’, or pick up the pace a little as encouragement. 

WRITING HAND JOBS / FINGERING:

finger movement on the outside of a vagina is just as important as finger movement on the inside. sometimes it can be more important, bc some people are more sensitive on the outside. (i’m not using technical terms bc nothing abt this post is technical or medical lmao)

if u don’t use lube or spit on ur hand when giving a penis a handjob.. it’ll probably hurt the person a little and be rough and not very Easy on either party

a handjob can be pretty fuckin awkward (i’ve been told + found personally). it’s just two people lying / sitting there, with one hand uncomfortably angled to jack off another person. it’s probably the most silent of all foreplay things which is why every person i know (female, male, cis, non cis) hate handjobs. 

ur hand and fingers might cramp a little if ur fingering a female, and the movements might get a little clumsy, but thats OKAY TOO!!! 

the angle of ur hand when fingering is important. if ur just shoving it down some pants/  trousers, it doesn’t leave a lot of movement so it won’t be super Great. under a skirt, or better yet- naked, makes things a LOT easier bc u have more Room.

write about the fingers. write about them moving up and down. don’t just rub them over the clit, or have them inside a vagina. that’s not exactly how it works. we need some pressure. we need a little rub. mainly near the clitoris or on the actual clitoris itself

don’t ever start by writing fast movements. u gotta write about building a motion and speed. start slow, then speed it up. 

fingering: circular motions over near the clit slowly, then a liiiiittle faster. stroking motions up and down. moving up towards the clit properly, then back down and slowly inserting a finger. then pull the finger out. repeat. keep each movement slow and deliberate and teasing. fdjkndfbnjkdfjnk graphic, i know. but. i mean. that’s a good first foreplay move i’ve found ???

handjob: thumb over the tip first as a lil tease, then slowly roll your hand in a fist motion all the way down the length (keep ur arm in a ‘straight’ movement.) then back up. twist ur hand, especially near the tip. move a little faster if ur lubed up enough, and then u can even give a lil ball squeeze if ur feeling courageous. keep that movement going. the FASTER ur hand moves, the more close somebody will get to orgasm, bc for them it’s sometimes all abt friction. 

starting with fingering / a hand job is like the first step of a dance usually. start with hands and fingers, THEN rock on baby, to --

WRITING ORAL SEX:

as previously mentioned, use a LOT of spit or lube. slick that bitch up.

cis-women are never wet constantly. ever. in fact, u can get dry pretty quickly again, so it’s not uncommon to write abt somebody spitting ‘down there’, just like u’d spit on a penis when giving a blowjob. 

most cis-men like their balls being played with a lil. so.. dfjnknj write about balls. i know it can be awkward and weird and the word ‘BALLS’ is not sexy. just try mention some movement there. some playing, or squeezing, or whatever word u feel comfortable using. especially during blowjobs. it’s just a good thing to do if u don’t know what to do with ur hands. don’t go crazy and just grab balls really roughly. 

if ur writing about a blowjob on a penis, deepthroating is never gonna happen straight off the bat. u gotta warm up ur throat a little, get ur throat to relax inch by inch, and not gag a lot. i promise u can’t just shove a whole dick down ur throat, unless u have the gag reflex of a porn star.

BUT also. write gagging. gagging happens a lot with blowjobs. i’ve never blown a guy who hasn’t loved the sound of gagging / choking a little 

jaws ache from oral. it’s a lot of the same movements and exertion, and YEAH IT CAN HURT UR JAW

tongues are ur best friend. a tongue should definitely be mentioned when writing oral on ANYONE.

write about hands AND mouth when writing oral. (use fingers and tongue when writing about going down on a female, and use hand in a fist movement around penis, when writing a blowjob, bc gripping with ur hand what ur mouth can’t reach yet is a+)

when writing a blowjob, focus on balls, yes- but also mention the tip. it’s sensitive for most guys, so a lil swirl of the tongue, or a suck or whatever... that’s good usually!!!

when writing going down on a female- move the tongue a lot. over the clit. then back down. use ur whole damn mouth and get messy. some ppl have a sensitive clit and direct movement onto it can be a lil overwhelming / overstimulating / painful, so yes- clit is good, but it can also be a little too much for some ppl!

write about lips. when going down on someone, lips also create sensations. it’s not the same as TONGUE, obviously, but it’s still soft and warm and it’s definitely something u feel. 

if ur writing about eating a girl out: tongues can be soft and flat, or they can a little pointy when u tense them. alternating between these 2 movements can be rlly good and pleasurable. starting soft and flat near the clit is good, before moving down to stick ur tongue in a little, and move it / wiggle it. but trust me - most of the action should be SOFT especially near the clit, bc it’s sensitive.

if you’re writing about a blowjob: suction. and moving quickly. hollow out those cheeks, and write about the tongue moving as the mouth does. suck hard, but not like.... ur character isn’t a vaccuum cleaner. they should suck ‘eagerly’ or whatever, and use their hand and tongue to help them out. trust me ur jaw will lock / hurt, u cannot suck a dick for like an hour. 

if u deepthroat a penis enough, ur voice can get pretty fucked up sounding, but i’ve never had it last longer than the next day or so. it just sounds like u’ve got a cold / sore throat (and thats bc u do)

some people just don’t like oral. some people aren’t comfortable in their bodies and can’t get out of their minds when it comes to it- which is super understandable. it’s a very intimate, close thing, bc hello -somebody is staring at ur genitalia basically. so hey, if u don’t wanna write it / don’t like it, then that’s completely chill too!

you don’t have to write about ‘the taste’. in fact, it’s absolutely ok and i’d prefer if u don’t bc i personally think that gets a bit weird. u can mention there IS a taste, but u don’t have to get into particulars bc that can get kinda icky. like ... it’s genitalia. we all know it won’t taste like a peach or whatever.

cis-women orgasm from oral sex, i think sometimes more often than they orgasm from actual penetrative sex? this is based off things i’ve read, and again, my own experience. 

oral sex can take a loooong ass time to reach orgasm sometimes. it’s barely ever a two-reply-thread piece. it’s always gonna be longer then that, if ur writing it realistically. sometimes reaching climax during oral, for any gender, can take anywhere up to an hour ??? if we’re being generous ??? again, cis men are more likely to cum first, BUT good oral sex can be dragged on for a while, for anybody. 

WRITING ASS / ANAL STUFF:

im gonna say it straight up. yes. it kinda feels like pooping almost when somebody fingers ur butt. but in a weirdly.. good way. idk how to describe it. 

getting fingered in the ass is SLOW work.  a finger will NOT just go in, especially not DRY. u need saliva / lube. you need the other person to be relaxed, or breathing, and u need to coax them through it all.

u don’t really know whats going on back there if ur on the receiving end. like. u can’t TELL by feeling on what’s going on. real talk: a guy fingered me once and i thought it was two fingers, but it was 3, and then later- when he put his dick in it was fine as well bc he’d relaxed me and gotten me to feel rlly comfortable and Safe. so TRUST me thats important when writing butt stuff. i can’t stress it enough.

it feels Strained. like it isn’t necessarily painful the entire time, but u can FEEL very full. so yeah, nobody is gonna have a finger in their ass and then immediately be ready for another, or be bouncing back , knuckle deep. u need a lot of patience and time for this.

if ur a cis-female... butt stuff is Fine, but its not a way to achieve orgasm, bc honestly there’s nothing stimulating u. it feels nice and the Roughness can be a kink, but u probably won’t orgasm / cum from it

use a lot of spit and a LOT of lube

u can’t just shove a dick / multiple fingers in someones ass either. u gotta stretch it out. take ur time. it literally can take an hour + sometimes more to get someone relaxed and stretched out enough. the amount of spit / lube and fingering needed is ridiculous

when it comes to ass stuff- make sure ur character is BREATHING in order to relax their muscles. everytime they’re relaxed, everything moves easier (this just goes for sex stuff in general too!)

eating ass is a thing, and look- ur not meant to ‘douche’ regularly bc apparently it’s bad for u. so if ur writing abt anal / butt stuff, u do NOT need to write abt anything poopy related or any of the douching stuff. its a silent rule, just like in real life. we don’t talk abt it djknfgnkjd

honestly, the overall feeling of Butt Stuff is just one of being Full and a lil Stretched, and if ur into Pain / a very different feeling then it’s a Good Feeling bc it just is all abt trusting n putting ur body in someone else’s hands (and fingers)

getting ur ass eaten feels warmer / more pleasurable than fingers bc a tongue in general is just nicer and softer then fingers are. 

spread them cheeks, boys, girls and non gender conforming folk

if ur gonna touch a cis-girls ass with ur tongue or fingers or anything... pls make sure ur stimulating her clit at the same time. i promise that can make things speed up in terms of relaxation and pleasure v quickly.

always ask a cis-male before going near his ass (but also in general, always ask before doing anything), especially rlly Straight Dudes bc they get SUPER defensive abt their own ass being touched 

anal stuff can be GREAT for foreplay just bc it’s a bit risque and it’s a bit Rougher and Harder just bc it’s a tighter hole. so, honestly yeah a lil finger in the ass whilst being eaten out isn’t terrible, or being fingered there at the same time as being fingered elsewhere can  also feel pretty Spicy, depending on ur taste

for cis-men, butt stuff  can be a  VERY quick way to orgasm. especially if ur blowing them / stroking them at the same time

anal / ass stuff isn’t for everyone. don’t write it if ur not comfortable. don’t do it if ur not comfortable. 

WRITING AN ORGASM:

the body shakes, tenses, spasms and generally loses a little bit of control

ur grip turns very intense and Harsh

back arching is a Thing

hands yanking at hair is a Thing

for when a cis-man orgasms... it can happen quite suddenly, but it’ll be a little twitch, and u can FEEL them tense. fast movement is what usually gets them to orgasm Quicker, i’ve found. 

for everybody else, i feel like it can be harder to achieve orgasm, but when it happens- your legs get all tense and squeeze the SHIT out of the head between them, and u definitely make some noise. orgasm can just happen, and sometimes with women especially.. it’s kinda easier to fake orgasm bc there’s never truly a Way To Tell physically???? this could be entirely wrong, of course, but there’s SO MUCH discussion and research based on the female orgasm that i feel like i can’t write anything abt it here bc it’s SO different for everyone.

just follow the general rule: ‘you’ll know when it happens’. ‘you’ll know when you know’. 

orgasms won’t always happen. it can get CLOSE but not happen, and it’s not always some big disappointing, ‘blue-balls’ event. it happens, or it doesn’t. sometimes u can write amazing head, and the other character won’t cum, and u know what? that’s ok too.

[shaekingshitup]

Stay Grounded (Grindin Pt 2)

A/N: Writing this was a battle but I learned some things so it’s cool. Definitely don’t plan on anymore stories with these two. I don’t think I like Reader Inserts rn. But hey, he came back! If I told you I’d tag you and I didn’t I’m sorry. Idk a good method of actually keeping a taglist yet. D: This has been chillin in my drafts. Hopefully, you like it. Honestly, just thanks for reading! 💕

Word Count: 3.8k-ish but I swear it feels like 500 plot wise

Part 1

“Thanks Paul. I’ll see you next week,” you said as you placed one of your favorite regular’s drink on the counter.

“Bye Y/N” he called out on his way towards the exit. You checked in with your staff to make sure that they were doing okay. You weren’t an overbearing owner. You trained employees whom were competent and that you trusted to carry on your business when you weren’t there. But, you did your best to make yourself available to stop in when you knew your crew would be busiest. Plus, Grindin was your baby. You could never stay away for too long.

GRINDIN chimed out as another patron came in. You looked up to greet whomever it was with a smile.

“Michaela! Hey girl. Long time no see.” you greeted

“I know. I was honeymooning with my baaa-by,” she sang moving her goddess braids so that they were behind her back and making sure her diamond ring was on full display.

“YAS! Girl, I am so happy for you and Jon. I hope you two had a wonderful time. I see you over there Mrs. Kirk. Are you getting your usual today?” you asked.

“Girl, you don’t know the HALF of it. My boss paid for da baby and me to go on an all expenses trip to Bahamas,” you widened your eyes at this. You can’t even remember your last real vacation.  “Originally we were just going to spend a weekend away in San Diego. But, he surprised us with a week long paid vacation to the one place Jon and I truly wanted to visit. I can’t quit smiling.” she sighed with one of the brightest smiles you’d ever seen on someone. You couldn’t help but smile back. “But anywho, I’m not here for the usual actually. My boss just got back to the country from some away business as well and I guess his time away switched up his tastebuds. He’s going to take a large Brew Thang and I’ll stick with my usual small, hot Bad n Brewjie with whipped cream.”

“Absolutely girl. Comin’ right up,” Michaela handed over the business card to pay and afterwards you transitioned over to the bar to start on the drinks.It was clear that Michaela had more to say. You could see it in her body language that she was holding on to something that she needed to spill.

“Somethin’ on your mind sis? Gone ahead and spit it out.” you assured her.

“What’re you doing tonight?” she asked out of the blue.

“I’ve got a lil date tonight. Why do you ask?”

“Wait. Sis, you got a nigga?” Michaela whispered quite loudly as she raised her left eyebrow. That got you a few glances from some people working at the countertop. You were certain that the one with headphones in had heard her loud ass too. She could be really nosey sometimes but you still appreciated her presence and her business whenever she stopped in.

“Hahaha. Not at the moment.  It’s a date with myself because I deserve to eat well and be treated right -even if I’m the only one treating. Why? What’s happening tonight?” you asked trying not to reveal too much of your intrigue. Sure you had plans but if the offer was right, you could bend em.

“ Okay. So, my boss actually asked me to invite you to dinner tonight at The Liftoff because-“

“The Liftoff? Wait, who the hell is your boss? fucking President Barack Obama?” you damn near yelped as you stared at her with your eyebrows reaching the ceiling. In order to get into The Liftoff you had to have money. Not just a lil cheddar. But BIG BANK! More than that you had to have clout.  If you didn’t have someone invite you, you were never getting in. Many people hadn’t even heard of it- you happened to have a few wealthy and loyal customers stop in every now and then and had overheard them discussing it once.

“His name is Erik. I’m not sure if you remember him but I guess he was in here a few weeks ago,”

2 weeks and 3 days ago sis. But hey, who’s counting? You thought.

“That was when I was out for my wedding. I guess it was a good thing too.”

Aloud, you feigned delayed recognition “Oh yeaahhh. Yeah, I remember him stopping in”

“He was planning on picking you up tonight at six to go to dinner and finish up where y’all left off..” she trailed and left the floor for you. She was not so subtly implying that you two had started something and she was all ears.

“Well, sis. You can let Mr. Erik know that I’m unavailable for the evening. And if he wants to see me, Imma need him to come in here and ask me himself,” you said placing both drinks on the countertop.

“You playing hard to get sis?” she countered.

“I’m not playing anything. I have standards and I know my worth through and through. If he can’t come ask me face to face himself, then the answer will forever be no.”  

Michaela was shocked by your response but managed to get out “I’ll be certain to relay the message.” As she made her exit, she turned back to you. “I respect you sis. A lot of females see a nigga like him and are ready to hop over the counter at one of his slick ass lines. You’re bout to give him a run for his money- and he got plenty!” she cackled.  With that she left and left you alone with your thoughts.

————————

When you made it back to your place, it was time for a shower. The smell of coffee was one of your personal tell-tales signs of how long you’d spent at your shop to make sure everything was in order. Right now, the scent was permeating around you. It had been stated on more than one occasion that you were a workaholic. You simply cared about your baby and wanted to make sure that you gave the best back to the city that raised you. So, it was always hard to establish boundaries for when you had to tend to yourself rather than Grindin. But today was your day.

The second you opened the door, you started shedding your clothes as if they were contaminated. You loved walking around your condo bare ass naked- without a care in the world as to who did or did not see you in all your glory. You adjusted your A/C to a crisp 68 degrees and headed to your bathroom to start your water. Grabbing your phone, you put on a fun playlist to dance to a little. Kiana Ledé’s “Bouncin” started playing out of your waterproof speaker and you hopped in to wash the morning away and bounce a little yourself. The rest of the day was going to be a self-care day. You had it all planned out. First, shower. Next, nap. Then, you planned on putting on a little makeup, serving looks with your latest fit, doing some shopping and then you’d take yourself to dinner. You made sure to do this at least once a month with yourself. Sometimes people would see you dressed to impressed and they’d take pity on you for being alone. But that wasn’t how you saw it at all and you let them know it. Whenever anyone gave you sad eyes or took it upon themselves to join you on your night out, you let them know that this was your intended personal time and that you weren’t crumbled or broken by not having someone to sit across from you.

Obviously, there were times you really wished that someone would take it upon themselves to treat you so you didn’t have to do it yourself. But, on these nights you made sure to be appreciative of who you were whether there was an admirer to acknowledge this or not. Your mind drifted over these things as you hopped out the shower and moisturized your body from head to toe.

Shower ✅

You re-entered your room and buried yourself beneath your covers. The silk sheets had been calling out your name since you’d step foot inside and you were done denying them their request. It was time for that nap. 💤💤😴

——————————————

FRESH OUT THE BOX

STOP, LOCK AND WATCH

READY YET, GET SET

IT’S AALL THAT!

called out from your bedside dresser as you stretched out your limbs and tried to reach out for the phone.

OHHHHHH, OH, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THIS IS ALL THAT!

THIS IS ALLL THAT!

“Fuck it,” you said as you hopped out the bed and began your performance. You grabbed your phone and used it as your mic as your bedroom became your stage.

Check it, check it, check it

Now this is just an introduction

Before I blow your mind

The show is All of That and yes we do it all the time

So sit your booty on the floor or in a chair

Ground or in the air

Just don’t go no-where!

You gave it all you had for the full 1 minute and 6 seconds only ceasing when the alarm tune was starting over from the top. Dancing was one of your favorite ways to wake up. It made you feel more alive and ready to conquer the rest of your day.

Nap ✅

You meander over to the kitchen to grab a banana and some cranberry juice before tossing on an oversized t-shirt and sitting in front of your vanity. Next on your list was makeup. You synched your phone’s bluetooth to your mirror and played your Self Love playlist to sing along to. You planned on applying a light beat and wanted to make sure you did so without getting any makeup on your body.  Makeup was not your forté by any means but you loved to play a little and were able to copy all the simple tutorials. Today that mean browns all around. You dabbed on some foundation and two brown eye shadows, one that was subtle and another with more shimmer to compliment your natural glow. A little black eyeliner, mascara and nude lip gloss to bring it all together.

Makeup ✅

The fit for the evening was on point if you did say so yourself. A little casual but alluring nevertheless. 

Jade green bottoms which accentuated your curves with a cream colored long sleeve shirt that had a very deep v cut. You were really playin into your sexy side for the evening and it made you feel bold and dangerous.

You went with rose gold accessories to compliment your brown skin and eyes. Your watch and lock necklace were simple but altogether the look had you feelin like you were an 11/10 and that was the goal. You always wanted to remember that you were desired-even if only by yourself. You removed your phone from the charger, responding to a quick text from Lu about your plans for the evening and when you’d be available, disconnected your music from the bluetooth mirror and headed to your front door to put on your heels.

Serve these fuckin looks ✅

———

You were on your fourth store and your Gummy Bear smoothie was all but gone. Thus far nothing was really speaking to you. You’d purchased some accessories and  saw a lot of cute clothing items but nothing that was significant enough to bring home. Your shopping rule was : “If you don’t love it in the store, you won’t love it at home,”. You exited the boutique and made your way to the escalator ascending to the second level where you parked your car. You reached for your phone as it vibrated in your back pocket. Glancing at the screen you saw that it was Ray who was reaching out.

“Hey Ray J!” you laughed at the nickname he despised. His one wish was that you would stop calling him that.

“Y/N where are you?” he sounded concerned. He hadn’t even yelled at you for using the nickname that he couldn’t stand.

“I’m leaving the mall. What’s wrong?”

“Jaime had a family emergency and can’t close tonight. Eve is there but she’s still new you know. He had to leave and no one else is available to come in for him and close,” he said.

“Really? No Sherell, Chris or Rico?”

“No. None of them can make it. I would go in but I’m in Frisco right now. I know it’s your date night and I hate to do this. But, do you think you can close up?”

“Yeah.” you sighed, “Yeah, I can make it. It’s almost quitting time anyways. Plus I’m hella closer than you are. But just know you owe me! If you took your ass across the bridge on a whim, the dick better be good! ”

“Trust me boo it will be and I got you next time!”

“Yeah, whatever.” You hung up and wondered why the hell Ray decided to go to San Francisco on a whim when he was scheduled to be back up in case anything went awry for the evening. That was the whole purpose of the schedule that the two of you created. This was a perfect example of something unexpected occurring and yet he was M.I.A. You pondered these thoughts as you headed to your car and headed back towards your shop. You made sure to call and cancel your dinner reservation because that definitely wasn’t happening anymore.

Thank God I always keep a change of clothes at work you thought, cringing about how awkward it would be to slang coffee with your titties on full display considering you’d forgone a bra for the evening.

When you pulled up it was 6:30. The shop closed at 8 tonight so you had half an hour before you began pre-close. You walked in and scurried to the back to change into a merch sweater which read “Stay Grounded and some black leggings.

Eve was holding it down as best as she could. But it was evident that she was stressed.

“Hey, I’ll take the bar. You go ahead and ring em up, okay?” you offered.

She sighed and released a lot of the tension in her shoulders. “Okay.”

There were already 4 drinks waiting to be made. So, you got to work.

“Sorry your first night shift has been a bit of a whirlwind,” you told her once it had slowed down a bit. It was 6:58 and you didn’t anticipate there being too much of a let up. “Do you have your pre-close list with you?”

“Yeah. I was going to do the final bathroom check.”

“Great! Go ahead and get started. I’ll do most of the behind the counter stuff tonight. You focus on the customer areas. I may call you if orders get crazy,”

“Sounds like a plan boss!”

“Y/N!” you corrected.

Customers trickled in throughout the last hour. But when 7:45 came around and they saw that you were already cleaning up shop, most of them started to pack up their things and go. By 7:56 you were ecstatic. Everyone was gone. You just had to lock the door and then you could count money and tips, do a final sweep and mop and head out the shop. At least that was the plan, until you heard GRINDIN chime throughout the store at 7:58 P.M. You rolled your eyes. Unfortunately, this was no new occurrence to you. Customers were notorious for getting their final fix in the last few minutes before you closed up. Most of the time it didn’t bother you. But tonight, you were hungry and jaded that your plans for the evening had changed.

“Welcome! I just want to let you know that we will be closing in just a couple minutes here,” you called out without looking up as you wiped down the counter, “Let me know if you have any questions.”

“Yeah I got one.” the timber of his voice compelled you to stop and give him your full attention. You looked up to see Erik, dressed in a slightly less formal ensemble than when you’d first met. 

He adorned a pair of dark trousers, a white button up shirt with polka dots and suede loafers. But, he still looked so..

“Delicious?” he asked.

Hol’ up. First he’s Barack and now he reads minds too?

“I’m sorry” you say trying and failing to hide your flustered nature. “What was that?”

He smirked. “It’s okay baby girl. I’m sure you got a lot to take in with your day and all,” he stated as he took a few steps forward which didn’t help to alleviate your confused state at all. “I said since you took the time to introduce me to something new. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. How about tonight it’s my turn to show you something delicious?”

Your reaction came as if you were on auto-pilot.

“I would love to but I’m barely closing up shop. By the time I count the drawer and we find a restaurant and actually place an order it’ll be pretty late. You shouldn’t hold off on dinner on account of me,” you said.

Erik kissed his teeth. “Yo workaholic ass don’t know how to say ‘no’ to anyone who wanna show you a good time, do you?” It must have been a rhetorical question because he went on, “Gone ahead and finish up closing your shop. When you done, meet me in the back.”

“Hold on. I

“Aht- aht- aht. This is no longer an option. This is the game plan. Close up, freshen up into some non-coffee gear and meet me out back. I’ll be there.” he said sternly and with that, he left.

Eve came out from the back of the shop with a broom in hand. You stood there frozen for a moment.

Did this negro just boss me around? In my own damn shop?? You thought.

Yes. Yes. He did sis. And you liked it so shut up and close up!

You locked the front door to bar anyone else from coming in and started counting the drawer. By the time you were done, Eve had swept, mopped the front and turned on the fans to help the floor dry quickly.

“Great job tonight Eve! I’m sure in the future it won’t be as.. disruptive. Either way, you killed it.”

“Thanks Y/N did you need me to stay or-?”

“Uh-uh. Go ahead sis!”. The second you locked the door behind her. You dashed to the restroom to freshen up and put on your clothes from earlier in the day. You rolled on some perfume and reapplied your gloss before you hit all the lights, locked the door, set the alarm and circled around the back of the shop.

When you got there, you came to a full stop and your jaw dropped. It was gorgeous. The back lot of the shop was decorated in lights throughout the trees. In the center there was a table for two, a whole ass waiter and was that music? You glanced around to find that tucked away in the corner there was indeed a harpist playing beautiful melodies.

“Damn girl and I thought I was going to surprise you with my view,” Erik said as you turned around to face him. He was holding a single purple daisy- which just happened to be your favorite flower. He placed it in your hands and pulled out your chair for you to have a seat.

“How? How did you do all of this and how did you know this was my favorite flower?” you asked with an expression of bewilderment taking over your features.

“I promise I’ll explain alldat baby girl. But first, I need to say I’m sorry”. This surprised you. You’d spent less than an hour in this man’s presence but he already didn’t strike you as the apologetic type.You placed your flower on the table and gave a nod of your head for him to go on. “When I met you a few weeks back. I meant to ask yo fine ass out right then and there. Unfortunately, that call that I got was urgent and it needed me to leave the country immediately,”. He finished.

“Oh my. Is everything alright?” you asked

“It is now. I handled it as I always do,” he stated with a conceited grin, “That’s why I came back to ask you out. I don’t leave anything unfinished.”

“Last time I checked this wasn’t an option. You didn’t ask nothin” He chuckled at that. The waiter came over at that moment to introduce himself, present the menu and fill up your water. He didn’t need to explain anything because there weren’t options on it. It was simply an itinerary for what your palette could expect. Appetizer, Entree, Dessert. They were all your favorites with a subtle twist. You were impresed. The menu was elegantly done and it looked fly as hell. You might have to keep a copy to give to Lu for inspiration.

“Well, actually I did,” Erik began when Duke, the waiter made his exit, “I was in earlier to ask yo stubborn ass-”

“You got one more time to talk about my ass before this becomes a solo event,” you interjected.

“Aight, bet. We can take a pause on that ass for now,” he smirked, “I was in earlier to ask you to dinner face to face, but yo people told me that you were unavailable for the evening. So, we made a few changes to make you available.”

“You what?”

“I paid ya mans Jaime a few bills to take the night off. Ray and Lulu was already on board,” you glanced down at the menu of our favorite foods again, “yup. That was them. They told me what you like. I just got the chef and made sure that Michaela hired the right people to make this vision come together. We all agree that it’s time for you to take a break, ma”

“Wait a minute. You bribed my staff? Plus, Lulu and Ray were in cahoots with you on this?! You barely even know me.”

“And? I’m tryna know you”

“I’m just sayin that’s a hole lotta trouble for a virtual stranger.”

“But you not a stranger. You the one that left me satisfied. Now just enjoy the rest of the evening and let me do the same for you,” he said as he picked up your hand and caressed it all the while never breaking eye contact with you.

“Okay.” you got out meekly. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Okay, Imma let you finish what you started,” you said

He smiled one of the most genuine and naturally alluring smiles you’d ever seen.

“ I can already tell you ain’t used to letting others take control. But don’t worry ma. I got this and I got you,” you were all the way blushing at this point, “Tell me about your day. Was it as brewtiful as you are?”

You laughed out loud as Duke placed your appetizers in front of you. “You corny.”

“And you like it,” You could already tell that he was going to do good on his word. You were leaving satisfied tonight one way or another.

Tag List: @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @shewrites02 @shewritestheblues @ghostfacekill-monger @sarcastic-sunshines @fd-writes @eyeknowmywrites @twistedcharismaaa @thadelightfulone @raysunshine78

[peaceisadirtyword]

Pity (Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello again! So, the other day, while I was rewatching some episodes of Vikings looking for inspiration to start this blog, I had an idea... And I wrote this, I intended to do something fluffy, but idk if I actually did it. I’m not very happy with this one, but I decided to share it anyway. Maybe I’ll write a part 2. English is not my mother language so please forgive me if there are some mistakes. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you like it♥️. Oh and thanks for the warm welcoming too, all of you were so kind to me😘.

Warnings: Ivar is a warning himself, and also there’s mentions of sex and my bad writing.

Words: 2986 (its too long I'm sorry I hope it isn’t very boring)

Part 2  Part 3

I don’t own any of the characters, locations or scenes except those created by me.

gif isn’t mine also ignore Margrethe and focus on Ivar

That was it, he was going to kill Sigurd. You watched the scene, holding tight a pitcher in your hands, your eyes almost popping out of your head and your mouth half-opened. You shouldn't be watching, you should just ignore it and go back to work, but no one seemed to pay you any attention as the two brothers fought. "She feels pity for you" Sigurd's words almost made you drop the pitcher. Even Hvitserk stopped eating and stared at his little brother in shock. You couldn't see Ivar's face, but you were sure he wasn't happy "We all feel pity for you, but sometimes we wish she'd left you to the wolves" You bit your lip. Sigurd acted like nothing was happening and went back to eat his dinner, ignoring the stares of his brothers and mother. "Sigurd!" Aslaug sounded like she couldn't believe what her son just said. "What?" he retorted, as if he thought everyone in the room thought that he was right but only him was brave enough to say it out loud. And then it happened. You heard Ivar's grunt and saw him pushing himself off the chair, you froze, scared that he would hurt Sigurd or worse, that he would hurt himself. Aslaug tried to calm him down, smiling at him softly and calling his name with that tender voice she only used with Ivar. "It is alright" he replied while using his mother's chair as support to get to Sigurd. You tried not to look at his legs, bound by some braces, he used to refer to them as "his useless legs". Gods, you couldn't stand hearing him talk about himself like that. "Are you coming over here?" taunted Sigurd, looking at his brother with a mocking expression. The two older brothers, Ubbe and Hvitserk, who were seated just in front of Sigurd and their mother, didn't say a word. Ubbe did not seemed impressed, as if he was used to this kind of situation. Next to him, his always-hungry brother Hvitserk watched the scene with a brow raised and looking like he had forgotten about his dinner. "Go on, Boneless" Sigurd stood up, as did Ubbe, staring at him disapprovingly. Ivar reached Sigurd's chair, but his brother pushed it away and he had to hold onto the table to avoid falling down. Ivar growled loudly, you almost could see his tense muscles through his clothes. "Go on, little Ivar" Sigurd pushed the chair away again "What are you gonna do?". You could swear he was having fun by taunting his brother. Then Ivar fell to the ground, incapable of supporting himself anywhere as Sigurd turned around and walked to the door. Aslaug stood up, hurrying to help her son, and then Ivar screamed. You jumped back, startled, and the pitcher you had been holding so tight fell to the ground, breaking into pieces and spilling his content. But no one seemed to care, not even you. Ivar crawled as fast as he could, still screaming, until his mother reached him, putting her hand on his back and trying to calm him down. Sigurd disappeared through the door. You were panting, scared and almost shaking. Not only you were worried about Ivar hurting himself, but you knew you probably will be the one who would have to suffer the consequences of his outburst. Ubbe sat down, and Hvitserk's attention went back to his food in seconds, but you couldn't stop looking at Ivar, who was still on the ground and grunting. Aslaug raised her head, and looked at you for the first time since the fight started. "Y/N" she called, her voice was trembling but she tried to act like nothing had happened. You froze when you heard your name. "Please, go and prepare a bath for Ivar" her voice was much softer than usual. You gulped, and when you spoke you did it with a shaking voice which sounded worse than you expected. "Yes, queen Aslaug" you weren't quite sure she heard you, as you couldn't raise your voice, still paralyzed with fear. Margrethe, another slave who was sitting beside Ivar before the confrontation, looked at you. You could see the relief in her eyes, she was relieved she wasn't the one who would have to be alone with Ivar, but she still offered you a small smile and muttered a silent apologize. "I don't need a bath" Ivar was trying to get up, with the help of his mother. "It will help you to relax" Aslaug looked at her son, concerned "Are you hurt?" "I'm fine" he was still furious, but never raised his voice to his mother. You walked out of the room, feeling the stares of Ubbe, Hvitserk and Margrethe, who were almost sure that would be the last time they'd heard about you. Prince Ivar's rooms were large, and equipped to cover all his needs. His bathtub was different, with the purpose of allowing him to get in and out by himself, although his mother always wanted someone there to help him, fearing he would hurt himself. It wasn't the first time you had to assist Ivar.  You had been a slave since you were eight, bought by Aslaug to be Ivar's personal slave, as you were closer to him in age. You weren't afraid of him, though, you knew he wouldn't hurt you, at least not  on purpose, but he could be really aggressive, and only a fool wouldn't be scared of him. You felt your blood run cold when you heard the sound of someone crawling to the room, the bath was almost finished, but you still needed a couple more of buckets to fill the tub, and Ivar wasn't the most patient person in the world. He entered the room, and glared at you as if you were the cause of all his problems, you bowed your head to show some respect before hurrying to get the last bucket of water. Ivar used to ignore you, especially now that he had that weird obsession with Margrethe. In fact, she had been doing some of your usual tasks, like tidying up his room, making his bed or washing his clothes, as Ivar requested. You really couldn't understand what was happening between him and the blonde slave, he never paid any attention to her until she started fucking his brothers, and then it was like he was in love with her. It hurt you, to know that he'd preferred her over you, especially given the fact that you were in love with him. You didn't know how it happened, or when, you just knew that you loved him fiercely. It was a shame he didn't love you back. "Help me with this" Ivar's voice startled you, but you reacted immediately and walked to him, kneeling before him to help him with his braces. He was sitting on his bed, his voice wasn't as aggressive as when he was on the Great Hall, he was nearly whispering and you could swear you saw some tears in his eyes before he turned his head away from you. Biting your lip to stop yourself from asking him if he was okay, you tried to concentrate on undoing the braces around his legs. And then Ivar opened his mouth again. "Do you feel pity for me, Y/N?" You froze, not knowing exactly what to say. You didn't dare to look at him in the eyes. "Why would I pity you, my prince?" You answered, your voice shaking almost as much as your hands. Ivar snorted, visibly annoyed with your answer. "Maybe because I'm an useless cripple whose family hates him and can't do anything by himself, isn't that enough?" Now you were sure he was crying, but acted like you didn't realize it to avoid shaming him. "You're not an useless cripple, my prince, you're a son of Ragnar" you tried to comfort him "Your mother loves you more than anything in this world, she would never hate you" your voice softened, but you still didn't dare to look at him in the eyes "And your brothers... Prince Ubbe loves you too, he cares about you a lot, and I'm sure Prince Hvitserk does not hate you either. You might not have the best relationship with Prince Sigurd, but you are his brother, and I know he couldn't hate you" you finished undoing his braces and put them away, getting up to help him undress "And all of us need a bit of help with some things" Ivar looked at you as if you were crazy, furrowing his brow while he assimilated your words. "And you?" He asked after a few moments in silence "Do you love me, Y/N?" You felt your cheeks redden, and your eyes found his as he looked at you with curiosity. It took you about one minute to find your voice again. "Of course I do, my prince" you tried to sound casual, failing miserably as you took his tunic over his head and left him half-naked, which only made you blush even more. Ivar didn't seem aware of how he was making you feel, he stared at the floor, with his fists clenched and his back muscles tensed. As you folded the tunic and placed it on the bed, you turned around to give him some privacy to take off his trousers. Ivar couldn't stand people seeing his legs, and you respected that, so you let him finish undressing himself. You could hear his grunts and the sound of the fabric sliding down his skin. Then he pushed himself off of the bed, and crawled to the filled tub. You waited patiently until you were sure he was in the tub, the water and soap hiding his legs from your eyes, and walked over to him with a cloth ready in your hands to help him rub the dirt off his body. His eyes were puffy and red, and his jaw was clenched. He was still angry, but at least he seemed to have calmed down a bit. Ivar's beautiful blue eyes were fixed on you while you started cleaning his left arm with the piece of cloth. Noticing his stare, you raised your eyes and almost gasped when you noticed you were closer to him than you expected. "Am... Am I hurting you, my prince?" You asked with a small voice, thinking he was about to reprimand you for scrubbing his skin too harsh. "No, you're not, I almost cannot feel you touch" he answered. "Do you want me to call Margrethe?" "Why? It's touching the cripple such a torture for you? Hmm?" his eyes were full of rage as he spit the words to you, making you flinch. "No... No, my prince" you looked away from him, ashamed "I'm sorry, I just thought that you would prefer... As you requested... Sorry" you muttered, your eyes full of tears. Ivar didn't answer immediately, but when he did he sounded broken, sad and maybe ashamed. "She told you, didn't she?" He looked away, to avoid you seeing him cry "That bitch, I should have killed her" "What?" You were confused. Was he talking about Margrethe? What had happened?. You knew they had slept together, maybe more than once, but never asked her as you didn't want to know the details. "Don't act like you were surprised, I know she told you" he was getting angrier and angrier, and you didn't even know what he was talking about. "I... I don't know..." "She told you that I can't please a woman, didn't she?!" He almost yelled, startling you. Ivar turned his head to look at you and your heart sank when you saw a tear rolling down his beautiful face. You were speechless. You had heard rumors, and some slaves affirmed that he couldn't have sex with a woman without hurting her, some idiots even said he didn't have a cock. But you never believed them, in fact you refused to listen to them. Once, you had a fight with other slave while defending him. "Margrethe never told me anything" you said, your eyes fixed on the damp cloth which was still in your hands. Ivar gripped the edge of the tub so tightly you feared he would break it. "I can't please a woman" his voice was lower then. He gulped, closing his eyes and clenching his how "Not only I have useless legs but my cock doesn't work either". You put your hand on his bicep, raising your head to look at him, trying to find the right words to comfort him. "Don't tell anyone" he told you "Especially my brothers, don't ever talk about this" he sounded threatening, but his eyes were full of panic and shame. "I won't" you said "I won't tell anyone, Ivar, I promise" you gasped, realizing you had called him by his name, and not his title "I'm sorry, my prince" "It's okay" He was acting weird. Usually, Ivar was always angry, especially at you, but he never cried in front of you, not even when his legs were giving him a hard time. You knew he was angry, sad and scared, and you were having trouble holding your impulse of hugging him. "I..." You sighed. He didn't look at you but he was listening "How many times have you tried?" You asked softly. Ivar looked at you, annoyed. "Just once, I try not to humiliate myself in front of a woman very often" he spat. "Maybe it was because it was your first time" you said carefully "I've heard of many men whose... Cock" you gulped, blushing "Does not work the first time" Ivar raised a brow. "Well I've never heard of any man who had that problem" clearly, he thought you were mocking him, and his anger grew by moments. "Maybe you were nervous" you bit your lip "Maybe you should try again..." "Yes because every woman in Kattegat is dying to spend a night with the crippled prince, right?" He raised his voice, and you bit your tongue to avoid telling him about your feelings "Have you ever been with a man before, Y/N?" Blushing, you shook your head. You had never been with a man. A lot of them tried, including Prince Hvitserk and Prince Ubbe, to get into your bed, but you couldn't be with anyone who wasn't Ivar. It wouldn't have felt right. "I should have expected that from someone who blushes when she says cock" Ivar smirked, mocking you "So you've never been with a man, and yet you think you know more than me" "I..." You started to get angry at him, you were trying to comfort him, but his attitude wasn't helping "I just think that maybe it would work if you tried it with someone you love". Ivar snorted, his smirk fading from his face. He shook his head and looked at you on the eyes. He was hurt. "And who would ever love me, hmm?" He got closer to you, his threatening glare making you tremble "Who would ever love the useless cripple who crawls around in the dirt, who can't be a man, who can't be a viking... No, Y/N, this isn't about love" You lost the count of how many times he had degraded himself that night, but you couldn't stand hearing that again. "I do love you" you blurted without thinking. You couldn't believe you just said it. You had been years hiding it in fear he would laugh at you, or sell you to someone else. Ivar looked at you speechless. You already told him you loved him, but only when he asked you, and never saying "I love you". The first thought that crossed Ivar's mind was that you were making fun of him, that it was a joke, and you would laugh about it later with the other slaves, maybe Margrethe would laugh with you, while telling everyone how his cock didn't work. But your eyes seemed sincere. The look of fear you had, how you reacted, panicking when you realized what you said... Maybe you were telling the truth. No, you couldn't, you were just a slave, what kind of slave fell in love with her crippled master, who didn't treat her very well and ignored her existence most of the time? You knew what he was thinking, that you couldn't possibly love him, that he didn't deserve to be loved. "The water is cold" you muttered, your cheeks red and your head spinning "Get out before you get sick, my prince" There you were, his obedient, little slave, worrying about him to avoid a scolding from his mother. Ivar couldn't believe you could act like nothing had happened seconds after telling him you loved him. You helped him to get out of the tub, looking away from his legs to avoid bothering him. And then, when he was sat on the bed, with some clothes on, he spoke again. "Would you kiss me?" it was almost a whisper, and if you hadn't been sat next to him drying up his hair with a towel, you probably wouldn't have heard him. You dropped the towel in shock. Ivar had a look you had never seen on him. He looked vulnerable, and your heart skipped a beat when his eyes fixed on yours. His face looked like it had been craved by the gods. His beautiful blue eyes contrasted with his slightly tanned skin and his dark hair. His sharp jaw, his cheeks... And his full, pink lips. He was so beautiful it even took your breath away. And then you nodded, watching him carefully as he leaned in, until your lips touched, and you closed your eyes. And, for a moment, you felt like you had reached Valhalla.

[childofhalloween]

Drunken Words are Sober Thoughts (Part 1: True American)

So I ended up writing this yesterday Idk if I’m gonna keep it a 1 shot or a 3 part. You guys let me know. 

TW: Sex talk, lots of booze, & lots of fluffy huma.  

It was 2am when Harry got a call from Ben to come get Uma. He knew Uma had grudging gone to Mals bachelorette party with Mal (obviously) Evie, & a bunch of other Auradon girls. Her relationship with Mal with had been rehashed but still shaky and her relationship with other girls (especially girly girls Auradon had) was shaky at best. But he had encouraged her to go thinking a night of wine, dick jokes, & possibly an embarrassing lap dance for the bride to be would do her good.

11 came he received no SOS text. 12 still nothing. 1am he figured she must of been enjoying herself. And then 2am he got a text to please come take her home before she broke something. No reply whether he meant the furniture or herself.

Now he was having doubts about the quiet night of wine and dick jokes. As he walked closer to the large living room the girls had taken over, the louder the yells seemed to get.

Opening the door he looked around seeing all the obviously very drunk girls (& Chad who somehow got invited)  standing on furniture with beers in their hands as some very exasperated boys seemed to be trying to calm them.

“The floor is lava!” they all seemed to yell on cue as he walked in.

“Uh Huh…..so what seems to be going on here?” Harry asked confused.

“I am the true American!” Uma yelled standing on the table in the middle of the room a bottle of rum in her hand an impressive pile of empty cans scattered around.

“1,2,3 JFK!” Mal yelled back.

“FDR!” the rest of the girls shouted taking drinks.

Harry had to laugh at the sight of the drunk rowdy girls & overturned furniture. They gave some of the pirates he knew a run for their money.

“Ok girls I know that's fun to do and all but I think it's time to end the game.” Ben said trying to coax Mal off the back of the couch.

“Yeah it's late you guys. Your gonna be waking people up.” Carlos said pulling Jane off an end table.

“No we're having fun.” Audrey whined with a pout.

“Yeah it's not that late!” Lonnie said from up on top of the bookshelf.

“Its 2 in the morning it's late. Now get down your not a cat!” Jay said trying to grab her foot.

“You guys I don't feel so good…..” Evie complained from the love seat as Doug quickly grabbed her and headed to the bathroom.

“Ok looks like it's time to end the party ladies.” Ben said finally getting Mal down. “We will clean up tomorrow.”

“Fine.” she pouted as he lead her out.

All the other girls grumbled but followed behind them.

“You gonna be ok with her? She's smacked anyone whose came close.” Jay said looking back over his shoulder at Uma who was drinking again from her bottle of rum.

“Yeah I got her. I've seen worse.” he said patting Jay on the back as he walked over to the table. “So girls night wasn't so bad was it?”

“I am the true American!” Uma said a little too loudly causing Harry to laugh.

He knew they had both been drinking regularly since 5th grade. Girl could drink like a fish but she knew her limits. But it seemed today not only had she reached her limit she fucking obliterated it.

“Ok ya lush put the rum down it's time to head home.” he said trying to reach the bottle as she pulled it away.

“No! Only I can drink from the king's cup!” she said holding up the bottle like a trophy as he sighed no idea what she was talking about. Grabbing the bottle he put it behind the now beer smelling couch to “hide it”.

“Ok how about we put it right here ok and come back in the morning before anyone can nick it?” He suggested she thought about it for a moment & nodded.

“Ok but you promise no one will get it? It’s mine.” she asked.

“I promise and I ain't ever broke a promise to ya.” he said helping her off the table.

“I missed you Harry.” she said hugging him he just smiled and hugged back. Sure it had only been hours but he always missed her when she wasn't around.

“Missed ya too darling. Now come on time to get to ya room.” he said leading her down to the room she was staying in.

“Ok now time to get ready for bed. Where's your pajamas?” he asked digging through her bag she had thrown in the corner.

“Hey who says I wear pajamas?” Uma said with a smirk Harry rolled his eyes.

“Uma I've known ya since you were 5 I know ya don't sleep naked. And I know ya brought the one with the sea ponies on them because I had to look everywhere for the bloody thing when ya packed. Took 45 minutes to find them with all the clothes ya have.” he said matter of factly handing the long night shirt with the horse pattern to her.

“Your no fun.” she pouted as she started to take off her clothes.

Like the true gentleman Harry was he turned and walked in the bathroom getting a large cup of water and pulling a small vial of ruby liquid from his pocket. Walking back out he found her just finishing getting dressed.

“Drink this. Hook's anti hangover cure. Don't want ya hung over for that bride takes a shower or whatever it's called.” he said handing her the bottle.

“Bridal shower. Thank you Harry.” she said taking drink making a face. She had taken this many times but the taste never got better but everyone on the Isle knew it worked. “God that's gross.”

“I know but ya will thank me in the morning.” he said handing her the water which she gratefully chugged. “You will be fine tomorrow. Now it's time for bed ya little drunky.”

“Noooooo! I don't wanna go to bed.” Uma pouted crossing here arms.

'Must of learned that one from pink princess.’ he thought to himself with a smirk. “Uma everyone else is asleep. There is nothing to do but go to bed. Party's over.”

“I can think of one thing.” she smirked walking closer to him as she leaned up running a hand through his hair causing him to shiver.

“ Uma I'm serious it's time for bed.” he said pushing her back as she glared at him.

“What's wrong with you?” she snapped angrily at him.

“Your drunk and I ain't gonna take advantage of ya love.” he said keeping his distance making her glare at him.

“Why don't you ever try to have sex with me? You sleep around with everyone else guys, girls, the prostitutes that hang out at the docks. But not me. Why not?” she asked crossing her arms.

He ran a hand through his dark hair trying to figure out how to explain this to her or of she would even remember at this point.

“First off I never slept with a hooker. I got one for your cousin's birthday which he still owes me for.” he corrected her. “And I don't think now is the time to be having these kind of conversations. So please lay down Uma.” he said moving her to bed which she plopped down on.

“These beds are too soft. No wonder these Auradon brats are such wusses.” Uma said suddenly changing the topic any trace of an impending argument forgotten.

“Your probably right love.” he said moving to the door.

“I hate them. I can't sleep.” she mumbled burying herself in the blankets. “Lay with me.”

“”What?” he asked turning not hearing her.

“I said lay with me!” she ordered using her captain voice he sighed exhaustedly know refusing her was just going to cause her to start screaming at him & probably wake up half the castle.

“Fine but that's it. Nothing else. Promise?” he asked looking at her as she smiled up at him from the blankets.

He couldn't help but smile she looked so much like a little kid under the huge blanket in pony pajamas & that big smile.

“I promise!” she said wiggling over to make room for him.

He slipped under the covers as she wasted no time snuggling up next to him. He wrapped his arms around her rubbing her back lightly.

‘“So ya glad ya went?” he asked she nodded looking up at him.

“I am the true American!” she said happily as he smiled back to her.

“So I heard.” he said still not knowing what she was talking about but just happy she was so happy.

“It means I won the game. Finally beat Mal at something. Sure it was drinking but I still won.” she explained as if reading his thoughts

Well that explained why she was so happy & so damn possessive of that bottle. It was her trophy to show she could finally do something better than Mal. Even if they were friends he knew years of coming in last in everything to Mal still bothered her.

“Congratulations darling. Best thing you could do better.” he said looking down as she nuzzled her head up against his chest.

There was silence for a while Harry was starting to wonder if Uma had finally passed out. But instead she looked up at him.

“Are you mad at me? I didn't mean to get drunk.” she asked he just raised an eyebrow at her.

“Of course not darling. I told ya to go. You went out & had fun. No ones mad about anything. Don't worry.” he said nuzzling the top of her head. “Besides I could never be mad at ya ever. Ya know that right? I may not always agree with ya but if follow ya to the ends of the earth no matter what.”

A silence again filled the room but this time he could tell from the deep breathing she was fast asleep on his chest. He knew there was no way to get out now without waking her. Not to mention he didn't want to leave anyways.

“Good night darling.” he said giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

Uma woke up the next day the afternoon sun pouring in through the windows. Why did Auradon have to always be so damn bright? And how the fuck did she find her way back last night?

She sat up with a sigh trying to remember the night but it half of it coming out as a blacked out blur. What the hell did they do?

She reached over to grab her phone as her hand hit something hard and cold. Looking over she saw half gone bottle of rum on her nightstand with a note attached in Harry's very messy handwriting.

To the true American

Well at least she won?

[surveysonfleek]

1378.

What do you usually drink at meals? water. i only ever have coke or other soda when i’m eating out.

Does your washer make a lot of noise? yes but once the laundry room door is closed it’s okay.

How many hair straighteners/curlers/dryers are in your house? two hair dryers, three straighteners and two curlers.

Which side of your face do you like better? left side.

Do you think that was a weird question? not at all lol.

Did you pull any pranks on April Fool’s day, or vice versa? nah.

Do you wave when you see people from your classes outside of school? i’ve been out of school for years.

Would you prefer a black or white cellphone, or a bright colored one? black or white.

When you believe in the Easter Bunny, what did you picture him/her like? never really believed in them tbh.

Does your mom, dad or siblings play any instruments? my dad plays the guitar.

Are you allowed to eat meals in the living room? yes.

How many people could fit comfortably to sleep in the room you’re in? two in the bed, one on the floor.

Around how much do you spend on Christmas presents? i don’t even want to think about it. i start buying in november so i lose count lol.

Your last ex: how did you two get together? -

Do you always have an ice cube in your drink? not always. i prefer it though.

Does the last person you spoke to have any siblings? yes.

What’s the best food for sleepovers? cheese, meats, dips etc. i looove them.

If you skip class, what one do you skip most? not in school.

Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? yes haha.

Does your mom dye her hair? no.

If yes, does she deny that she does? -

What do you do for fun when the power goes out? the power hardly ever goes out here. knock on wood.

Are ‘personal response’ essays painful to write for you? not in school but yes, painful.

Do you say 'skip’, 'pip off’, or something else? i... don’t know.

If you had to, would you rather marry your English or math teacher? -

About how many books are in the room you’re in? none i don’t think.

What number do you ignore when it comes up on the display? i just ignore blocked numbers or numbers that arent within my state.

What is the best restaurant in the mall? What do you typically order there? the sushi place. i just get all sorts of plates.

Do you find history interesting? yes.

Think of a friend whose name starts with any letter between A and M. irene.

How would you react if this friend kissed you? i’d be weirded out definitely.

If you were to a throw a party, would you invite them? of course.

Do you text this person? almost daily.

Have you ever had a sleepover with them? yes.

Does your best friend ever wear fake nails? no.

What’s the last thing you searched on google? i forgot.

Have you read all the books on your bookshelf? not at all lol.

Would you ever go on a date with the last person you spoke to through IM? yes.

Harry Potter or Twilight? hp.

Would you be okay living on your own? i’d be okay.

How far can you run without breaking a sweat? hahaha. like twenty seconds top.

After swimming, do you just strip or go into a change room? change room. or dry up and wait until i get home.

Would you rather date an older man/woman, or a younger one? older.

Have you ever seen the last person you hugged naked? yes.

What about in their underwear? yes.

Where did you get your favorite shirt? zara.

How much was it? only $10!

Do you/your parents have any creepy pictures or painting up on the wall? nope.

What’s the best kind of video game? (Adventure, shooting, etc) simulation i guess.

How young is too young to date? 12.

How old is too old to date? no such thing.

Does your mom swear? hardly.

What was your biggest fear as a child? my parents not showing up to pick me up from school. lol.

Your biggest dream? just to be happy and comfortable.

Do you know anyone who has road rage? me.

How would you react if your mom got a lip piercing? i’d be like wtf.

What animal is really common to see in the woods where you live? birds.

Would you like to follow in one of your parents’ footsteps? yes, i definitely want their work ethic.

Where did you get your favorite pair of pajamas? idk lol. they’re just old clothes.

Do you know anyone named Desmond? Do you like that name? no.

What/who do you take the most pictures of? food i guess.

What’s your screensaver? i don’t have one.

Do you prefer your hair in a bun or ponytail? ponytail.

Have you ever kissed someone who had really dry lips? yes.

What is the last thing you celebrated? my birthday.

What were you last Halloween? nothing.

Have you ever suspected that your last ex was cheating? Why? no.

Has anyone ever told you they wanted to be with you forever? yes.

And are you still with them? yes.

Was this survey interesting? sure

[purplesurveys]

439

What do you usually drink at meals? Just water. I can’t finish my meals drinking anything else. Does your washer make a lot of noise? I’m not sure for the most part because our washing machine is isolated on the rooftop so I never get to hear it, but I don’t think it’s noisy. How many hair straightners/curlers/dryers are in your house? Three in total, I think. My mom has a hair dryer and a straightener; I have my own hair dryer. Which side of your face do you like better? I like them the same amount? Do you think that was a weird question? I wasn’t weirded out too much by it; I know there are some people who really prefer a certain side of their face.

Did you pull any pranks on April Fool's day, or vice versa? No I hate pranks. Do you wave when you see people from your classes outside of school? Depends how close I got with them. Most of the time I would ignore them. Would you prefer a black or white cellphone, or a bright colored one? Definitely just a plain black or white one. I don’t really like my stuff colored unless it’s pink. When you believe in the Easter Bunny, what did you picture him/her like? The Easter Bunny was never as big a deal here as Santa Claus is, so I was never familiar with it up until I was a little older. I don’t really have a vivid image of the Easter Bunny other than it being a bunny carrying a basket of eggs. Does your mom, dad or silbings play any instruments? My dad plays some guitar. My sister had piano and guitar lessons but she never quite learned either haha. Are you allowed to eat meals in the living room? We’re allowed to eat anywhere in the house as long as we clean up the mess if we make one. How many people could fit comfortably to sleep in the room you're in? I’d say 5 if I put some mattresses on the floor. Around how much do you spend on Christmas presents? Too much. Idk, I like spoiling my friends. Your last ex: how did you two get together? We’re best friends. We just ended up liking each other and it solidified after a trip to a museum and a cute dinner date. Do you always have an ice cube in your drink? I prefer having them when I eat out, but it’s not like I religiously pay attention to ice cubes at home or anywhere else. Does the last person you spoke to have any siblings? Yes, my mom has two brothers. What's the best food for sleepovers? Pizza, wings, and chips. If you skip class, what one do you skip most? This sem, it’s econ. I used to have perfect attendance because the class has an incentive for not having absences (+5 on the finals) and I used to be obsessed with following it. By mid-April I started to get fucking sick of that class so I ended up having 3 cuts in one week LMAAAAAOOOOO. That class can go fuck itself. I hate it too much to care.   Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? I have my Prep graduation portrait up on my wall, yeah. Does your mom dye her hair? She used to have brown highlights for her old job, but she hasn’t done it in like ten years. If yes, does she deny that she does? What do you do for fun when the power goes out? Honestly, there is nothing fun when we get a blackout. It gets really hot and everyone becomes cranky, rightfully. I end up fighting Meralco on Twitter and demanding when they’ll respond to the power outage lmao. Are 'personal response' essays painful to write for you? I don’t see why they should be. I appreciate essay reqs that just make you write about your own experiences and opinions; they make it so much lighter on the rest of the workload I have. Do you say 'skip', 'pip off', or something else? I have no idea what this is referring to. Are we just talking about skipping? If you had to, would you rather marry your English or math teacher? I’m taking neither. About how many books are in the room you're in? Probably around 20-30. The rest of the books I own are in my sister’s room; I just ran out of space in mine. What number do you ignore when it comes up on the display? ??? What is the best restaurant in the mall? What do you typically order there? We have several malls in the area but my favorite is either Yabu or Torch. I’ll normally have a katsu set from Yabu; I forgot what my usual in Torch is called but it’s a maki roll that’s deep fried, has mayonnaise, and I think it has salmon in it. Do you find history interesting? Ugh I love history more than anyone I know. I didn’t need to take a history elective but I’m taking one right now and will probably take up some more in the next semester. Think of a friend whose name starts with any letter between A and M. Got it. How would you react if this friend kissed you? Slap them, ask them what the hell they were thinking, and tell her boyfriend and my girlfriend. If you were to a throw a party, would you invite them? She’d be the first person invited. Do you text this person? Pretty often. Have you ever had a sleepover with them? Yes, a few times. Does your best friend ever wear fake nails? I don’t actually pay attention hahaha.  What's the last thing you searched on google? ‘Pip off’ from the last few questions above, because I had no idea what it meant. Still don’t. Have you read all the books on your bookshelf? I’ve read them all but I haven’t finished them all. Would you ever go on a date with the last person you spoke to through IM? God no. She’s too overbearing for me. Harry Potter or Twilight? Twilight. Would you be okay living on your own? I most definitely would be. How far can you run without breaking a sweat? I wouldn’t know what to tell you as I haven’t tried this in a while haha. After swimming, do you just strip or go into a change room? I...go into the changing room and take a shower? Would you rather date an older man/woman, or a younger one? I haven’t experienced dating either so I might have to take a pass. I still prefer seeing someone my age. Have you ever seen the last person you hugged naked? Yes. What about in their underwear? Yep. Where did you get your favorite shirt? We got it in one of the indie stalls at the mall. It was a buy 3 shirts for P200 promo so we got two for Gabie’s siblings and the other one for me. How much was it? ~P65 for one shirt if we’re considering the promo that came along with it. Do you/your parents have any creepy pictures or painting up on the wall? No. I think my siblings and I would let them know if it were too creepy. What's the best kind of video game? (Adventure, shooting, etc) Not sure if this is a legit genre but I can always ride with open-world games. How young is too young to date? Idk, 14? How old is too old to date? I don’t think there’s such a thing as being too old to date. Does your mom swear? Hahahaha yup. What was your biggest fear as a child? Cockroaches and bungee jumping. Your biggest dream? Work for WWE. Do you know anyone who has road rage? ME HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. It’s safe road rage anyway. My friends all point out that I have really short patience when driving but still prefer to ride with me than with anyone else who also drives since for them, I’m the only one who hasn’t tried to kill them lmaooo. How would you react if your mom got a lip piercing? I’d probably say ‘cool’ and asked if it hurt.

What animal is really common to see in the woods where you live? Stray dogs :( Would you like to follow in one of your parents' footsteps? Not really. I was never interested in what their degree requires or their subsequent career choices. Where did you get your favorite pair of pajamas? I don’t have a favorite pair. Do you know anyone named Desmond? Do you like that name? I don’t think so. Not really a fan. What/who do you take the most pictures of? My dog and my girlfriend. What's your screensaver? I don’t have one on my laptop. Do you prefer your hair in a bun or ponytail? Bun! Have you ever kissed someone who had reallllllllllllly dry lips? Mmm no. What is the last thing you celebrated? My birthday, though it didn’t feel like celebrating it. What were you last Halloween? I wasn’t able to celebrate Halloween last year :( I think I just stayed in that day. Have you ever suspected that your last ex was cheating? Why? No. Has anyone ever told you they wanted to be with you forever? No. And are you still with them? I’m still with my girlfriend after three years, but we don’t really tell each other lines like that. Was this survey interesting? I’m sure I haven’t taken it yet so yes, it was pretty interesting for me.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #201

“one for all, all for one. we are strong, we are one. we are one nemesis.”

Do you feel pressure to keep your life interesting? It's not interesting at all, so. I'd sure as hell like it to be. At what time in your life were you happiest? If it was in the past, would you want to go back and relive it, though still knowing all the things you know now? Like... early-mid-'17, maybe? That's when my recovering really kicked off. I wouldn't go back. Is there anyone who seems to always be under the influence of something when you see them or talk to them? Does it bug you? No. Have you ever found the blog of someone you knew in real life, but not very well? How did it change your opinions on them? No. Then again I've never tried to. What is something you are incredibly behind on? Politics. I'm more importantly (to me, lmao) half a year behind on Good Mythical Morning, believe that or not. I don't watch TV anymore so don't really care, but I'm massive seasons behind on Supernatural. What’s the last allergic reaction you had? Shit, right now with this seasonal business. I've been congested for weeks. What does it mean when you start eating less? What does it mean when you start eating more? If I eat less than usual, it'll always relate to weight loss, I assure you. I've worked to greatly improve on the latter, however; eating more generally means I'm extremely depressed. Or bored, but I've got enough discipline by now to not eat if I'm not hungry. Is there anything you feel the need to organize by chart? No. What’s your opinion on mid-day naps? Go for it, it's good for you anyway. When’s the last time you spontaneously made plans? With who/to do what? Who knows; I don't have people to spontaneously make plans with. What’s the strangest named pet you’ve ever had? Probably Harry Potter the guinea pig. Or the fact I had a Chinese water dragon, green lizards, named Shadow. Okay look he was my second pet and I was little. What are some defense mechanisms you find yourself using when in an argument with someone? It's very likely I'll try to be totally factual and short without true thought as a fear reaction of losing the person, while on the inside I can be in a total panic attack. Do you know if there is anyone who was once important to you that you will never talk to again, even though you could? I absolutely will not speak to my former best friend unless completely necessary for whatever reason. Do you and your boyfriend or girlfriend fight a lot? Not at all. Have your parents ever told you that you couldn’t hang out with a certain someone? No. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit? I. Absolutely. NEVER will. I will absolutely hurl. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend get mad/jealous when you talk about the opposite sex? Nope. What was the last R-rated movie you watched? Halloween, I believe. Have you ever painted a car? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. I've never understood the appeal of them at all... Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? No. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Have you ever met someone in person that you met online? Sara! There're others I hope to one day, too. Have you got any half or step siblings? Four halves, one step. Do you like kids’ movies? Not tiny kids (like, Barney and such type of things), but "kid movies" like Disney and such, hell yeah. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? No. If you have younger siblings, how old were you when your siblings were born? I was just over two years old. Do you sometimes use your music player to help you fall asleep? No. I did that in... I think middle school and some of high school, though. I have NO idea how I used to be able to do that. The last time you burned your tongue or mouth, what were you eating? I'm not sure. Are there a lot of trees in your yard? Not in the yard, no. There's a good number just beyond our fence, though. What was the high and low temperature where you live today? Phone says 31*F and 50*F. Have you ever made ice cream out of snow? Snow cream, yeah. That's a common southern treat when it actually snows. What’s the coldest you remember ever walking outside in? Maybe single digits? What’s your least favorite color? Puke green. Or maybe bright yellow (pastel is pretty). …and your favorite? Pink. What’s your second favorite color? Maroon or burgundy. How many pairs of gloves do you wear in the winter? Usually zero. What’s one thing that most people complain about that you love? COLD WEATHER. What do you remember the most about recess at school when you were a kid? Oh boy... when my meerkat obsession began, I unintentionally started a trend of digging "burrows" with others in the sandbox. Our nails by the time we were done, holy shit. I LOVED doing it. What color are your kitchen chairs? A mess of beige hues with floral stuff on it, I think? I just know they're hideous and we all hate them. I don't really pay any attention to what the cushions really look like, though. Have you ever dated anybody online? *points to Sara* Do you listen to instrumental bands such as Hammock, Trentemoller, etc.? Nah. Were you ever a 'secret admirer’ before? No. Ever stalked someone? No. Do you poke a lot of people on Facebook? Is this even a thing still? But I didn't, no. What was even the point. What’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home? Illinois. Have you ever been close to getting kidnapped? Oh um no. Never seen this one on a survey before. Do you have any eating disorders? No, thank god. Do you plan on getting married? I hope so. What is one of the saddest novels you’ve ever read in your lifetime? First thing that came to mind was The Giver. I'm sure there's others on par with or sadder than it, but it's just the first that came to me. Orbit or 5 gum? I think I prefer 5? Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Many. The last time you threw up, what caused it? An ex-med I was on that had a strong side-effect of vomiting. Quit that. Did you have any foreign exchange students at your high school? Maybe? Idk. Any foods from other countries you would like to try but haven’t yet? I'm sure there's something somewhere, but nothing that comes to mind. Do you think the world would be more peaceful without any religion? I think that's fact... I'm not saying religion itself is bad, no, but I think everyone can agree there'd be more peace without it. Have you kept the same icon here for a long time? Yeah; I don't take nearly enough pictures to have a new one, though I wanna change it because WOW do I look like a bitch. Why did you choose your icon, anyway? I thought the picture itself was decent, and it let my inner goth pop out a bit. If only I had the wardrobe and dedication. Any fun facts (on any topic) you’d like to share? Well here's your meerkat one: Meerkats are the second-most social animals on Earth, falling just behind naked mole rats. Does it hurt your feelings when people talk shit about things you love? "Hurt my feelings" isn't the right word; I feel embarrassed. Do you like it when people give you nicknames? Yeah, actually. Even just calling me "Britt" makes me feel like we're closer or something. More personal ones though, I really like. When you make friends, are you usually the one to "make the first move"? Definitely not. What fandoms are you in? Like, A LOT, but actively, Markiplier, a few other YouTubers, Silent Hill, Shadow of the Colossus, World of Warcraft, and meerkats. Maybe more, idk. I lose count. I would say Spyro, but I'm totally uninvolved in some areas of it, like Skylanders. Are there any fandoms you used to be in, but left? I wouldn't say left, just lost a considerable amount of interest, like Good Mythical Morning and  PewDiePie. Used to watch every day, and now both are seldom. Do you more often feel superior or inferior to others? Inferior. Do you prefer ruffly or regular potato chips? Ruffled, definitely. Can you do any impressions? Not of a specific person. Do you carry pepper spray? Have you ever had to use it? No. Best thing to do during a power outage? Play a horror game as my laptop's battery dies lmao. At night, anyway. During the day, idk. Has your power ever gone out for more than a day? I don't believe so. When was the last time you had a headache? What about stomachache? Headache, I believe once when Sara was here early this month. Stomachache, not that long ago. Which one of your classes goes by the slowest? N/A The last time you walked somewhere, who were you with? Probably at Sara's down the path. Maybe something later, but idr. Where is your second home? Sara's is the second house I'm most comfortable in besides my own. Or maybe Dad's, idk. What did you last have a conversation with one of your siblings about? Idr. Do you have the person you hate the most on Facebook? No. How many times did you clean out your text inbox today? I don't clean it out. Well, I have once or twice while trying to make space on my phone. What’s something you would do drunk but never do sober? I have a feeling I'd be way more open than I'd like. Have you ever had a night that’s been hands down the best night of your life? If so, describe what happened? I'm not sure. What time do your parents normally get home from work? Dad, idk. I don't live with him. Mom, it varies greatly, but typically 8:30ish. Is family the most important thing in your life? If not, what is? My definition of family (only includes people who I feel are emotionally family), yes. Or my mental health. Is writing something that you enjoy doing? Ha ha obviously. —would you rather read or write? Write. Would you rather draw or take photographs? Take photos. Do you prefer black and white or color photographs? Why? I can't pick a side; changes in color can seriously alter the emotions of the shot, making neither superior to the other imo. Both are beautiful, some moreso than others, depending on the composition. What was the last thoughtless thing you did? I'm not sure. What is one movie you’ve seen, but few others have? A lot of "idk" in this one. Off the top of my head, the kids movie Napoleon wasn't popular in America, I think? —how about a movie you haven’t seen, but many others have? The entire Harry Potter series. What is something you do subconsciously? Play with my lip ring. Who was the last person to toy with your emotions? *shrugs* When was the last time you cheated at something? I have no clue. what’s the most money you’ve received from the ‘tooth fairy’? I think $5? Describe the main problem with your last relationship? I didn't like him in that way. When was the last time you debated with someone? Some time ago with Sara about a political view. And mind you it was a friendly debate, not an argument as apparently all are nowadays. What cartoon/anime character can you most relate to? There's too many characters to think through. Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? Leave me and my Mark icons-in-the-making alone. Do you have your own personal water jug? If so, where did you buy it? No. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Nothing works for me. When you sneeze, do you sneeze into your hand or the inside of your elbow? Elbow. What actor/actress do you find weird? Lol I'm not to judge there. What’s your ultimate favorite bagel? Just a normal one with a moderate amount of cream cheese. Do you have a blister anywhere on your body? No. Do you get manicures/pedicures regularly? I never do. When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? February '17. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? She'd spank me and/or say I was grounded for a week, which always only lasted like a couple days or so. What’s something you’re really bad at compared to others? Like, any kind of math. Who is the person you are the closest to? (emotionally, not physically) Mom or Sara in different ways. What are some odd habits you have relating to food/eating? I'm picky as fuck with texture. I'm particular with food in general. Last furry thing you touched: My kitty. <3 What do you check out first when you check someone out? I've never really paid attention... I mean, it probably depends on the person, what catches my attention most? Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Would you raise your children like your parents raised you? In some ways, in other ways no. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No. Are you donating your organs? Yup. Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom threatened it. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Who was the last person you spent more than 15 minutes on the phone with? My dad. Have you been swimming in the last six months? How long ago was the beach trip... idr. Maybe. What hair color looks best on you and what’s your natural color? From what I've had so far, I love red on me. My natural color is brown. What is your favorite show to watch? That '70s Show is something you can always put on and I'll pay attention. Like, I'm never /not/ in the mood to watch it if I have to watch TV for whatever reason. Do you wear necklaces? Rarely. Do you blush easily? Yup. ;-; Are you an artist/writer? Not professionally, but I do both. Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know? Yes and yes. Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? With kids, not at all. At all. Instead, I have them big time in serious, romantic relationships; I have the biggest "PROTECT PROTECT TAKE CARE FOR THEM AND PROTECT AT ALL COSTS" instinct. ACTUAL mama bear. Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? Does anyone not have this kind of person in their life? Anyway, I've maybe said so casually and gently where it was relevant, but I'm not positive. Of course it's hard to support them, and sometimes I simply can't, ex. with my former best friend. What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? INDEPENDENCE. I'm borderline on the diagnoses of dependent personality disorder with how I have a very difficult time making my own choices and doing lots of things on my own; it's a serious problem with my mom, and I worry how I'll be when I no longer live with her, really. Like, she still schedules my appointments, makes some serious phone calls I'm scared doing myself (but sometimes she can't with me being an adult), she handles just... a lot. Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? No. Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? Not at all, romantic or platonic! My online buds mean just as much, some even more, than my "real life" ones. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? Not on a lot, but for things I'm really hyped for, particularly games and music, yeah. For the second part of the question, yes. I did that for WoW's Warlords of Draenor expansion, and maybe Legion? Idr tho because I was nervous asking my mom. I also think I mighta seen the Warcraft movie the day it came out, but I'm also uncertain. Have you ever been in trouble for illegally downloading something? No. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? Early, defs. Whenever I work, I'm certainly aiming for a morning shift. Get it over with, and plus, I'm in a better mood in the mornings, so it'd be easier to get work done; plus, getting out of the house is a good way for me to come home and actually feel like I got my dose of social interaction for the day, so now I can enjoy the rest of the day. Is there someone who seems to only reach out to you when they want something from you? No; I don't tolerate that shit. Do movies often make you cry? What kind of films/scenes make you tear up most? Yeah. Tragic romantic things get me easily, and seeing someone die and another character lose it over their death kills me. Happy reunions are tear-jerkers, too. I would probably still cry at the end of Homeward Bound. How did your expectations of the last book you read compare to your thoughts after reading it? What about your expectations of the last movie you watched? The original Alice In Wonderland was a book I was surprised to be that short, and it wasn't really as "out there" as I'd expected. I still enjoyed it, though. Last movie... that was Elf. I didn't anticipate it being as damn cute and funny as it was. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? Just to track my period. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? Sara's. If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? Perhaps the first Thanksgiving? OH, but I would without a doubt choose the extinction of the dinosaurs if I was somehow entirely protected. That had to be, sad as it is, visually incredible. Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it? Rollercoasters; I'm terrified of vomiting, however, and also fainting with how I handle dizziness. What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? Don't expect me to dress up all fancy going to an expensive restaurant or something. I'm going to eat, I'm not worried about my damn clothing. But more than anything, I absolutely refuse to let a job hold me back from getting tatted or pierced. I'm perfectly aware that really slims down my options, but I sincerely couldn't care less. I'm not bending to one of the most ludicrous expectations I know of. Are you interested in architecture? Is there any particular style that you’re drawn to? Yeah! I ADORE gothic especially, and Roman, too. What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? Lol I should really have an answer for this, considering the breakup... I don't believe I did anything "stalker-ish," maybe not even creepy, just rude and nosy. Sorry for trying (but thankfully failing) to hack your Facebook to see if you were talking to a girl some time early into the breakup, Jason. ;_; Reeeaaally regret that. What is something you can only understand if you’ve experienced it first hand? Pure heartbreak. It is absolutely, utterly agonizing. Are you more of an open person or a private person when it comes to talking about personal things? (Relationships, your sex life, finances, etc.) It depends on the subject, but usually, I am very private, particularly irl. I'm more open online by a long shot. Do you agree or disagree with the saying “If two former lovers can remain friends, either they were never in love, or still are.”? Why or why not? That's bullshit. People change, and you can lose romantic interest. What’s a part of yourself, physically, that you’re unhappy with? (Hair, face, skin, body part, etc.) Is it something you’re able to change or something you’re stuck with? Uh, pretty much everything because of weight? I can change that and am trying so hard to, but I've been at a stagnant weight for over a damn year, and I can't even begin to wonder how. It dropped like flies in '17. Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? DOUBLE. FUCKING. STANDARD. Fight the hell back to protect yourself. In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important… Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. Ceremony, pictures, honeymoon, dress, venue, hair, ring or decorations, food. Do you have a go-to small talk conversation topic? Asking how they've been. Does anyone owe you money? Do you owe anyone money? (Besides credit cards) No. Well, I owe my previous college money, anyway. Even though I shouldn't, so Mom's trying to take legal action with that and their shitty communication. If someone was going to buy you any practical gift (anything except a house or car), what would you choose? A sum of money for a big 'ole tattoo, boys. Is there a quote that’s helped you through hard times or really stuck with you? What is it? "You're perfectly flawed" from an Otep song. I have that tattooed for a reason. Then there's countless ones from my partial hospitalization, but "Deal with life, or life deals with you" particularly will stick out to me probably forever. There's loads more. What’s something practical and useful “real world” things that should be taught in high school aside from the basics like English, math, science, etc.? CHRIST, why the FUCK do we not have classes teaching us how to handle the adult life with things like finances. What are some things that a person or couple could do that would show they’re insecure about themselves or their relationship? More than anything probably, go through their phone. ACTUALLY fuck off. Do you have sympathy for people who die as a result of their own actions? (Example: someone doesn’t wear a helmet when they ride their motorcycle and they get in an accident and die.) Well of course; a human being still died, and maybe it's even sadder when it was in their own hands. It's disappointing, but you should of course feel sympathy. What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? Old, The Lion King. New, there's SO many to choose from, so I can't give a certain answer, but possibly Coco. I adored that movie. Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. I don't pay attention to what's trendy, really. Idk. Oh wait, is that "Kiki Do You Love Me?" or whatever that trash is called still around? There’s a quote that says “Anyone who gave you confidence, you owe them a lot.” Is there a person who YOU can thank for your confidence? Hm... I'm not sure about this quote. But anyway, I don't even have confidence to begin with. “Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? Usually like, particularly if we're being extremely passionate. I'm suuuuper shy delivering it, though. Hell, I get flustered hearing it towards me sometimes, too. What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? American. Favorite... I think cheeseburgers. Would you be more hurt by your significant other having a long drawn out emotional affair but never having sex with that person OR a long drawn out physical affair where it was just lots of sex and no (or few) emotions attached? The first, my reasoning being for them to be emotionally invested in another person says more about how much they "love" me versus the latter option. I dunno... the second is awful, too. Tough question to answer. Say one positive thing and one negative thing about your boss (or any other authority figure). I'll pick my mom. Positive: Her support is never-ending. Negative: She's "always right." How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? I've grown more and more comfortable with it as I've grown bolder with cutting it. How do you practice truly living in the moment? I'm bad at this... Do you think most abusers know they’re being abusive? Probably, especially if it's physical. How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? That'd be pretty suspicious, but then again, I can't really talk? One of my best friends/my ex is still a very good friend of mine, and we talk every now and again with no romantic interest (at least on my end; idk if he still like-likes me). That being said, I don't know how I'd feel, especially if it was daily. I do know I'd be less anxious if our relationship was strong and steady. What perfume of yours does your SO love on you? She doesn't like perfume, and I almost never wear it anyway. Have you made any (at least semi-) permanent alterations to your appearance? If so, how did you find the experience and do you regret it? Tattoos, there's a visible hole where my first lip ring was, and the holes in my left earlobe have been seriously stretched (it goes to literally the bottom of my lobe) from heavy earrings for a long time. No clue how the right side is totally fine. Anyway, the only tattoo I regret is my "ohana" one, as it doesn't really suit me; I don't give a damn if you're blood, I choose my "real" family, but even then, people change. I know I'll get it covered at some point; right now I'm considering a bat tat on my chest with its wings expanded at some point, and it may conceal it, but it's not high on my to-do list. I love my "how rare and beautiful it is to exist," although I wish I'd made a more unique design of it instead of stealing it from Pinterest... ha ha. I don't want tattoos others have; I want mine to stand out. I also wish I'd chosen an even more professional artist to do my Markiplier piece, but I plan on going to a better parlor when I can afford it to get my vision "right." It's probably the most important tattoo I'll ever have, so I want it perfect in my eyes. My artist didn't do bad, not at all, it just came out with a less convincing-galaxy background. It'll be an easy fix with the right artist. Onto the lip ring, I regret deliberately wanting it slightly to the left and not dead-center through my lip. I have no idea why I wanted it there? You can still see the faint hole when I pull my lips back, which I hate. Lastly, I just HATE the appearance of stretched-out earlobes. I don't even wear earrings anymore with how they look like there's about to just fall off. Women with disabilities/anxiety/depression/other mental health issues/chronic illnesses, how do you get it across to your SO/friends that sometimes you just can’t do something? Why specifically women? But anyway, sometimes it's just impossible. I don't think anyone can really "get it" until you have a breakdown/accident or whatever in front of them. Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? I like the smell of light cologne. Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? I suppose it'd be concerning if they just didn't want to, but like if it doesn't fit or anything, of course don't try to wear it. What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? First, I took a look at my mental health and capabilities and chose I would NOT be a good, healthy mother able to raise them. Also, aforementioned maternal instinct lacking. As well, I don't want to invest years into a person that might just wind up hating me. And super importantly, my alone time is extremely important, and thaaat's pretty impossible with kids. They're expensive. Peace and quiet, bye. Pressure to ensure they grow up to be a good, independent person. Yeah, there's lots of reasons I can confidently say no, I don't want kids. How do you feel about men who preface statements on non-gendered things with “as a guy”? *shrugs* It depends, I guess. Does anyone else just HAVE to wear pajamas/lounge clothes when you’re at home? I live in my pjs. Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? No. What would your reaction be if your SO wanted the opposite type of wedding than you did? Just compromise. Who says things have to match a theme. What kind if body type do you find attractive and unattractive (for your preferred sex)? Let's get this straight first: I don't care about appearances. But of course, that doesn't mean I don't have preferences. For girls, I'm really attracted to curvy women at a healthy weight. Men, I like just a tad bit muscular, but noooot very much. How do you feel about strangers approaching you with compliments? I'm flattered, but I will definitely get anxious, especially if it's a man. I'm more terrified than anxious if they do that. Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? Hm, not really cheating. I'd be preeeetty unhappy if my s/o did that and kept it a secret, but I'm not quite sure how I'd react to knowing they went to a strip club. I think most likely I'd just feel like I wasn't enough and cry. Maybe I'd be fine with it if they asked me beforehand how I felt and I had their word they wouldn't "do anything." Like it's simple fact that you can be in a relationship and still find others attractive, so I guess if you just wanna go out for once and I feel you're genuine when telling me you'll behave, it's not too big a deal? But I'm still not sure. Would you be more offended if your man cheated on you with a guy or a girl? I'll just pretend you said "your partner." Both would upset the hell out of me, but I think doing it with the opposite gender would most hurt me, especially because you're taking a risk of someone getting pregnant. Is there something you are afraid, embarrassed, or ashamed to tell someone? That I love/play World of Warcraft, lmao. Admitting I'm an RPer would be even worse. DON'T ask what my worst weight was. The Joel thing. There's probably loads more. Are you struggling in any way right now?  Oh, of course. When was the last time you made a REALLY stupid decision? Oh boy. Really bad... HA, actually, probably this one time I drank a milkshake too fast, and my stomach still hasn't forgiven me. Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Sometimes. Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No. What do you currently hear? "Professional Griefers" by deadmau5 ft. Gerard Way. What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool ranch. Who was the last person to hold your hand? Sara. Do you have any clothing with animal print on it? No. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? I don't believe we have any at our zoo, no. What’s something you do too much? Sit here. In the bed. On my laptop. Fun. How often do you have nightmares? Rarely. What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A game on Steam. I can't remember which. Honestly, are you spoiled? I don't think so, at least not much. Is there anyone’s laugh that makes you laugh when you hear it? Mark's. Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren’t supposed to? I will lose all respect for you if you pull that shit. Do you have a tan yet? It's winter, and I don't tan anyway. Have you ever been told you have a bad attitude? I think my grandmother did once on the same occasion she called me a bitch. Do you make other people laugh often? I don't think so, no. What are some things you want out of life? Satisfaction with all I've done and experienced, more than anything. Do you feel bored with your life? Boy, do I. Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Megan. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? No. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? No. No. No. Nope. Not answering. Stay the actual fuck away from Abilify. How do you get through hard times? Talking with/venting to Sara and/or Mom, watch my favorite YouTubers, listen to (usually relatable) music, and just remind myself if I survived '16, I can persist through just about anything. Rarely, I draw some vent art. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. I don't believe it has any power, even with me believing in some kind of ultimate creator. What do you miss about high school? Friends. What do you miss the most about college? I was in a very bad mental state through both attempts, so I miss nothing. Did you like high school? I've hated school since I was in pre-k, dude. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? I don't think so? Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? or is it better, or just what you expected? Worse. I mean it's not awful, but I expected muuuuch more by this point... What was the last good book you read about? Arthas' rise to the Lich King, and it hurt me okay I still wanna press charges against Christie Golden. What’s the last great song you discovered? "Natural Born Sinner" by In This Moment. Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? Nope. I pretty much never post about myself because I'm too afraid of saying something stupid "in front of" all the people I call friends. AvPD is a blessing. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? Mountains. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin was everything to me. I also loved Jesse McCartney and the Backstreet Boys. Oh, Jeff Corwin, too. What do you miss the most about your past? No mental illnesses. .-. Do you like getting older? At my current age, I don't really care... What hard thing are you going through right now, if applicable? The biggest thing currently is practically being chained to my house. I'm home alone almost everyday and usually all day, so day after day I'm just. Sitting here in this house by myself. Even as an introvert, it's gotten to a serious severity of loneliness and maddening boredom. I'm just gonna stop here before answering this any further ruins my day. Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? Generally, more towards the fast side. Have you made any progress toward going after your dreams? Yeah, just teeny-tiny baby steps, sadly. What color is your trash can? Like, the big one you put on the side of the road for the dumpster? Dark green. What color is your dresser? Brown. Do you own a computer? If yes, is it a desktop or laptop? Yeah; laptop. How old were you when you first got a cell phone? I dunno, maybe the start of middle school? Do you like pineapple on pizza? You are a certified psychopath if you think that tastes good. No. What medication or drug has given you the worst withdrawals? I'm not sure. I've been on waaaaaaay too goddamn many to remember.

[deeeelightfuldee]

What do you usually drink at meals?

water or diet coke

Does your washer make a lot of noise?

No.

How many hair straightners/curlers/dryers are in your house?

ummm 3 straighteners, like 5 curling irons, 2 blow dryers. 

Which side of your face do you like better?

ummm i think my right. 

Do you think that was a weird question?

nah its fairly normal.

Did you pull any pranks on April Fool's day, or vice versa?

i hate that. i do not like pranks at all. 

Do you wave when you see people from your classes outside of school?

ehhh.

Would you prefer a black or white cellphone, or a bright colored one?

a colored one would be baller.

When you believe in the Easter Bunny, what did you picture him/her like?

i never did, that wasn’t a thing for us

Does your mom, dad or silbings play any instruments?

my dad is a drummer. two siblings have had piano lessons and one guitar but idk if the siblings would consider themselves musical

Are you allowed to eat meals in the living room?

lol yea? we eat in the living room a lot cus its moms preference. 

How many people could fit comfortably to sleep in the room you're in?

two on my bed. thats it

Around how much do you spend on Christmas presents?

um a lot. i really love to spoil people at christmas. 

Your last ex: how did you two get together?

if its K, then CM. if its carl uhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont recall. 

Do you always have an ice cube in your drink?

i love ice in my drinks

Does the last person you spoke to have any siblings?

yes

What's the best food for sleepovers?

usually pizza, chips, pretzels, dips, ummm chocolate probably. 

If you skip class, what one do you skip most?

i am not in class.

Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls?

just a cartoon version of me

Does your mom dye her hair?

no

If yes, does she deny that she does?

n/a

What do you do for fun when the power goes out?

i love goin outside when the power goes out or taking a nap

Are 'personal response' essays painful to write for you?

nah

Do you say 'skip', 'pip off', or something else?

what is pip off?

If you had to,would you rather marry your enlgish or math teacher?

english? lol. i dont have either rn

About how many books are in the room you're in?

yikes probably like 30 or more

What number do you ignore when it comes up on the display?

pretty much anyone except maybe 5 people

What is the best restaurant in the mall? What do you typically order there?

i dont even know what is in the mall anymore and idk what i could eat there

Do you find history interesting?

a lot of it

Think of a friend whose name starts with any letter between A and M.

okay

How would you react if this friend kissed you?

in another time and another place i would have very much liked it

If you were to a throw a part, would you invite them?

not these days. they wouldn’t come.

Do you text this person?

a lot. 

Have you ever had a sleepover with them?

no we haven’t 

Does your best friend ever wear fake nails?

idk who that is anymore

What's the last thing you searched on google?

trying to figure out an actor on the captain america movie

Have you read all the books on your bookshelf?

nope i got a lot of new ones 

Harry Potter or Twilight?

never seen either.

Would you be okay living on your own?

not with no money, no. 

How far can you run without breaking a sweat?

my joints would be shot rn theyre so inflamed 

After swimming,do you just strip or go into a change room?

lol who just strips and walks all willy nilly 

Would you rather date an older man/woman, or a younger one?

older older older

Have you ever seen the last person you hugged naked?

lol ummmm im trying to think of who that was. it could be one of two people. one yes, one definitely no

What about in their underwear?

one yes, one no.

Where did you get your favorite shirt?

amazon.

How much was it?

like 14 bucks

Do you/your parents have any creepy pictures or painting up on the wall?

heck no

What's the best kind of video game? (Adventure, shooting, etc)

i prefer games that are not action lol

How young is too young to date?

younger than me just kinda creeps me out. am i the babysitter.

How old is too old to date?

lol welllllllllllllllllllllllll. thats a great question isnt it.

Does your mom swear?

yea when she wants to not all the time.

What was your biggest fear as a child?

tornadoes

Your biggest dream?

being a momma

Do you know anyone who has road rage?

hmmm. probably

How would you react if your mom got a lip piercing?

lol i would be shocked and probably demand a mental health evaluation for the stroke she must have suffered

What animal is really common to see in the woods where you live?

deer

Would you like to follow in one of your parents' footsteps?

i mean my mom is awesome. 

Where did you get your favorite pair of pajamas?

i dont really have one specific favorite thing i often just sleep in shorts and a tank.

Do you know anyone named Desmond? Do you like that name?

nope. nah im not hating it but i dont love it

What/who do you take the most pictures of?

probably benny.

What's your screensaver?

a really pretty lake with trees and mountains near it

Do you prefer your hair in a bun or ponytail?

bun

Have you ever kissed someone who had reallllllllllllly dry lips?

not to my recollection

What is the last thing you celebrated?

chip’s bday

What were you last Halloween?

I didnt dress up as anything

Have you ever suspected that your last ex was cheating? Why?

if we are talking K, no. looking back there were things i knew were weird but i didnt ever question like i should have.  the previous ex, no.

Has anyone ever told you they wanted to be with you forever?

yea

And are you still with them?

one of them

Was this survey interesting?

sure not bad.

[tylerwritez]

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m.  sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

        Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero  cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad.  But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt  justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking  about  random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

[rayadraws]

Hero FB adventures

This is the result of me, @jenny-opm, @shorthairsonic, @dibujos-de-la-orilla and @criscura talking about the concept of our boys (and their friends) using Facebook and what that might lead to... It led to a really fun discussion, so I’ve collected it as points here for anyone curious. It’s about 2.6k long so I’ll put it behind a Read More. Enjoy XD

Dr. Kuseno, being a technical genius, takes to Facebook like a duck to water, having no trouble navigating the site. However, he still acts like a stereotypical grandpa on there - when Genos posts a status along the lines of “Rainy day, perfect for a movie” Kuseno comments with “Indeed my boy, try not to catch a cold and send Saitama my regards. Kuseno.” He occasionally also teases Genos, such as sending him a photo of an electric whisk with the caption “your next upgrade is ready.” (In a misplaced attempt at being kind he tags Saitama in all ads for hair growth treatment he comes across… but at least he also tags him when he finds an unusually good sale)

It is actually thanks for a birthday post from Kuseno that Saitama learns when Genos’ birthday is the first time! He catches the borg sitting and smiling while looking a his phone, which is unusual - usually if he’s on the phone it's something from the HA, which normally has him frowning.

Neither Saitama nor Genos have a lot of friends on FB (to start with, at least). It’s mostly their closest friends such as King and Mumen. Genos also has Metal Bat added, who gives him (good natured) crap on near everything he posts.

Bang is the hopelessly confused Facebook grandpa, struggling to understand how it works. Poor Charanko does his best to help him… “How do I search here?” “You have to go to the search bar… No, that’s where you write your status” “My what?”

Once he does get the hang of it, Bang comments every time someone posts about themselves doing any sort of sporty activity with “Looking good! Ever think about coming by the dojo?” (It gets to the point that FB warns him for posting the same thing over and over and everyone is starting to suspect that his account has been hacked by a virus that just keeps promoting his dojo - poor Charanko is accused of setting it up)

Metal Bat SPAMS FB with videos of Zenko’s piano shows. Everyone knows about her recitals a week in advance because he keeps hyping it up. He also has a soft spot for posting glamour selfies.

Saitama posts a lot of blurry cat photos with no caption and sometimes food pictures. He posts at all kinds of random hours of the day, almost never answers anyone, his photos are low quality and he posts a lot of odd YouTube links.

Genos likes every photo of Saitama and uploads his own - somehow, Saitama always looks far less derpy in Genos’ photos (he’s studied all his best angles).

Genos has no shame and starts liking all photos of Saitama, going through every tag ever - meaning once in a while someone who went to high school with Saitama suddenly gets a like from Demon Cyborg on a photo taken 12 years ago. Unsurprisingly, people are SHOCKED at this and it takes them a while to figure out why - until they notice how he keeps tagging Saitama on his page. This is the only kind of interaction they get online with Demon Cyborg and people start tagging Saitama in photos in the hope of getting response from him. They slyly get photos of him in public and post and tag him in the hope of a response. As long as he’s awake (he’s a heavy sleeper) Genos likes them instantly, unknowingly rewarding his fans for their behaviour.

Genos never accepts friend requests from any non-heroes but Saitama sometimes does because “maybe that name’s familiar idk whatever” and some of Genos’ fangirls manage to befriend him on Facebook, consequently seeing his photos… causing them to just about spontaneously combust - “Did you SEE that photo of Demon Cyborg in an apron?!”

Genos notices this and tells Saitama that he is NOT to post his 124 bedhead pics of Genos to Facebook. Saitama forgets(?) and posts 53 of them anyway before he remembers he wasn’t supposed to. He tries to cheer Genos up - “But look at how many likes and shares they’re getting! This doesn’t even happen with the cat pictures!” Genos is not impressed to see his groggy-ass self on a million message boards (and tells Saitama that “...to be fair, Sensei, sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re cat pictures.”)

Saitama is enjoying this game (not quite realizing the scope of this all) - sneaks a pair of cat ears on Genos, takes a photo and uploads, enjoying the storm afterwards.

Facebook suggests that Saitama upload a photo album that is just the same photo of Genos doing the dishes at slightly different angles and he’s like “why not” and posts that as well. This is followed up by a little video of him singing quietly and dancing a little while washing the dishes.

One day they come across a group of Demon Cyborg fans on the street who come up to them and ask if Genos could sign their photo books - they’ve printed a bunch of pictures from their FBs, full of like bedhead and apron pics (“Mr. Demon Cyborg sir I LOVED that video of you dancing with the mop!”). Genos can’t even process what’s happening and signs them with a stunned expression, while Sai takes one of the books, looking through it and pointing out his favourites. “Hey, I remember this one! Aw, dude, where’s this shirt? You look nice in it, I haven’t seen it in a while.” (“Mr Demon Cyborg I didn’t know you had feet slippers!” - a small part of Genos dies)

Saitama starts getting bombarded with requests on Facebook. “Get him sleeping!” “Get him laughing!” “Can you get him to pose in that white shirt, maybe with the ripped jeans?”

Saitama starts uploading little videos, such as himself telling Genos a bunch of puns as they go through a store. Eventually he figures out how to cut videos into clips and bombards Genos for two days to get “material”. It does get a bit overwhelming in the end however, so he tells the fans that he can’t take more pictures because his phone ran out of memory. To his despair, this leads to fans sending them shipments of memory cards, cameras and gift cards for even more stuff and it’s all very unnecessary. He even receives a brand new phone from “a fan”.

(The good side is, with all this training he is getting progressively better at taking pictures)

One day, the daily picture he uploads is very sad - just an empty chair with the caption “He’s at repairs” :(

Another day however, Saitama goes to upload a photo of Genos in his apron, but it’s… the wrong apron picture. He accidentally uploads a naughty pic, oops. It’s not the most obviously naughty one, not enough to get them banned from FB (and Genos has no nipples, anyway…) but it’s pretty obviously not meant for the public.

Genos is at first (rightfully) mad at Saitama… until they get like a million really nice apron lingerie sets in the mail. To get back at the other, he uploads a photo of a bare-chested Saitama - not at all prepared for the onslaught of “HOLY SHIT” responses, growing possessive instead of mad when the fans start screaming for more.

Saitama tries to take a good shot of himself but eventually Genos, even through being annoyed, takes the camera from him and gets a good picture. Fans ask for even more and a bewildered Saitama replies with “Um, sure?” uploading a half-naked bathroom selfie, where he’s still wet with a towel wrapped around himself. People go wild. (Genos can’t decide if he wants to delete the picture or share it so it’s on his wall as well. He is… conflicted.) (A less successful picture shows Saitama absolutely ripped, but unfortunately with a prominent double chin, like that time he played video games at the HA - selfies are hard…) (“Mr Saitama, can I request the ripped jeans again, but this time with you wearing them..?”

Unfortunately their shenanigans do not go unnoticed at they get called in to HA’s Public Relations for the umpteenth time. Their attempts at getting the heroes to take it down a few notches is made more difficult by them referring to Amai’s latest “I’m about to have sex” album cover as proof they aren’t out of line.

Amai Mask, in his defence, maintains that his pictures are “classy” and “done professionally”. Saitama responds with gesturing to a photo of Naked Apron Genos frying eggs - “This is classy!”. They continue with pointing out that more than likely, if they stopped, people would complain to the HA and they’d have to explain it was the HA who stopped them in the first place... (And really, the HA shouldn’t complain, Saitama and Genos are earning them so many donations….) "THEY CURED MY CANCER AND WATERED MY CROPS AND BLESSED MY CAT HERE'S MONEY" - “They did what now?!” - the HA representatives don’t even understand what this means but eventually lets it all slide. (The only one who understands the references is their intern managing the official HA twitter, but no one cares about their opinion…)

With all this material, Genos’ fan club is getting a lot more activity than Amai Mask’s, which doesn’t go unnoticed. Amai tries to upload “accidental photos” too in an attempt to become the centre of attention, but they are all obviously fake, such as “I woke up like this” pictures of him with perfect hair and makeup, nothing like Demon Cyborg’s messy hair and squinting eyes.

Amai tries again - “Oh no guys you won't believe this but, i was doing my make up right and omg my cat walked on top of my phone and took this photo of me lol” - someone digs up an old interview where Amai states that he’s allergic to cats (that someone is Genos). He also uploads a photo of a cup from Starbucks which has “To the prettiest guy I’ll see today” written on it and claims he got it (until someone points out that’s a photo from Google).

Meanwhile on Saitama’s FB page, a new video of an unaware Genos twitching in his sleep has just been uploaded, caption “look he’s dreaming shhh”

Saitama just happens to be awake late that evening and passes the time surfing FB, commenting “y’all never go to bed huh” when he sees the immediate responses - given how big Genos’ fanclub is, there’s always someone who’s awake. In fact, this video is more than likely to wake a number of fans up to scream over it. Saitama makes a little livestream showing off their cups as he brews himself some tea (“this is my cup. That one’s Genos’. We found it in a thrift store after he accidentally dropped the last one.” He finishes with showing Genos sleeping again and saying “see he’s sleeping now you all go to bed too”.

One day he posts a still picture of the sleeping borg, with the caption being just “I love him”.

It takes a while, but once the fans understand that their love is real and not changing, some of them start to (not always so) subtly suggest he should propose, such as tagging Saitama whenever a jewellery store has a good offer (they’ve picked up on his love for sales).

One day everything is quiet, then Saitama posts simply “He said yes” (or perhaps it’s just a picture of their hands wearing the rings) and FB EXPLODES. People ask for photos and Saitama replies with “All I got is him ugly crying oil everywhere” and the fans go “POST IT.”

After they’ve gotten engaged things get a bit more quiet, with Saitama just posting the occasional update like “he’s going to marry me” and “he’s going to be my husband”. “I want the date to be on his birthday but that’s too long of a wait” ,“he loves me”.

Fast-forward a bit. It’s been quiet for a while. Genos has barely posted anything but one day Saitama’s FB friends see that he’s been tagged in a picture that turns out to be a photo where Saitama appears to be passed out on the futon, drooling in his sleep and surrounded by empty pizza cartons. Caption “my husband to be”. (The picture completely blows up on FB)

Fans start speculating on their outfits, causing Saitama to sweat - he hadn’t planned that far ahead. He asks for suggestions and they end up covering the entire colour spectrum. He even enquires a little bit to hear if there’s anyone who’s a real actual wedding planner among their fans, it might work out…

In the end, they decide on a small private wedding, but Saitama does suggest he might be able to livestream it. He gives no date or anything to go by, however. In an attempt to keep it hidden, they end up hosting it at the dojo, hoping the stairs might also deter some potential invaders. (Bang is more than happy to host - maybe he can convince some people to join the dojo. The stairs aren’t a problem for the heroes, mostly - King does text Saitama with “I’m here can you pick me up” once he arrives at the bottom whereas Mumen handles them himself - but makes sure to arrive very early so he’ll have time for a shower before the ceremony. Saitama suddenly starts the livestream out of the blue on FB, writing “k its happenin!” and a bunch of fans tune in. (Hopefully Bang won’t hear about the livestream or he’ll start advertising on it, too…)

They get married!!

(Back to where we started - how does Kuseno react to all this FB shenanigans? Well, more than likely he doesn’t spend too much time on FB, but he does check periodically, probably catching at least a couple of the pictures of Genos sleeping and in his apron and whatnot. As always, he replies good naturedly - “glad you’re getting your rest son”.

Kuseno also has a habit of going full-on Geek and writing very long explanations regarding Genos’ body sometimes - such as explaining why he twitches in his sleep, or an explanation on how his cooling systems work in response to someone writing “WAAAHHH WHY IS HE SO COOOL” on one picture. Unfortunately, Kuseno doesn’t realize that his FB is set to friends only, so only Saitama and Genos see these comments…)

Bonus: Saitama occasionally tags Genos in pictures he takes of cheap bootleg Demon Cyborg merch he comes across, disappointing fans hoping to see a new photo of him, only to be met by his asymmetrical poorly painted face on an action figure. “It’s not even official merch…”

Saitama has a habit of buying the especially poorly made ones because “they’re funny”.

One fan asks one day if Demon Cyborg owns any merch and Sai uploads a photo of all the stuff he keeps in the apartment with the caption “And even more stuff at his docs”.

The fans are stunned - but some are also like “ok but where do I get these things?!”

"says he special ordered them or w/e" "oh this other one was from HA" "oh... he says it's out of stock" "he has the stock" ”Maybe if you ask him real nice. Doubt he’ll let go tho he only has like 278 of them” ”...he informs me he has 289”

The fans try to barter with Genos, such as offering to draw a NEW Caped Baldy posted in return for one of those charms. At this point Saitama is starting to wonder why he has to be the bridge between fans wanting Caped Baldy merch and Genos. Genos doesn’t seem to want to talk directly to his fans, but eventually agrees to use Saitama’s account, basically pretending to be him - the fans do eventually get their merch, but are confused as to why Saitama suddenly seems to turn a lot more serious and formal whenever it comes to merch talk (and is that 10 page terms of service really necessary?!) but at least in the end they get a super rare piece of merch not available anywhere else (because Genos bought them all).

[welovekpopscenarios]

Confessions (Jimin x Reader)

Admin: Candi Request: “One night stand with bad boy jimin (smokes drinks etc) and you to fall in love after 😉😉 – anon” Fandom: BTS Member/reader: Jimin x Reader Genre/warning(s): smut, drug use (weed), stripping, fluff Words: 3.3k Authors note: This was so enjoyable to write for some reason idk. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

           “Strip for me.” Jimin said as he sat in the chair intently watching you while smoking a blunt. You slowly took off your clothes while swaying your hips to the music Jimin put on. One night stands weren’t your thing but Jimin persuaded you into going back to his house tonight and you knew you were going to end up in his bed. He was the local bad boy, he could have any girl he wanted and you were his choice for tonight. You knew it was stupid of you but you couldn’t resist him. He looked so good in college today, black ripped jeans, military boots, white t-shirt with rips on it and a leather jacket. His smile always got you, the way he carried himself, he was the walking definition of sex appeal so, why not have some fun and sleep with the bad boy of the college?

           You were putting on a show for him, there was no awkwardness and you didn’t feel uncomfortable, you went hard. His room was lit up with red lights, setting the perfect atmosphere for you. He sat on a black chair in the middle of his room, his legs spread, one leg stretched out while the other rested on the leg of the chair, his arm hanging down the back of the chair while the other held his blunt. You were completely naked aside from still having panties on. You walk over to him while you squeeze your breasts, his eyes scanning your whole body. You sit on his lap and rest your hands on his shoulders, your lips lingering over his neck, your hips rolling to the sound of the music. You took the blunt from his hand and smoked it yourself, you were astonished at your reckless behavior but it felt right.

           Jimin was extremely good at controlling himself, he didn’t touch you while you were giving him a lap dance, he didn’t even get hard. It worried you but you remembered he probably has sex with twenty different people in one week so you realized he can easily contain himself. You finally got the courage to kiss him, your hands slipped under his t-shirt, feeling his defined abs. The contact made him sit up and put his hands on you, his hands wrapping around your waist bringing you closer to him. His hands were all over you and you enjoyed every second of it.

           You stood up and pulled him by his collar, standing him up and you quickly pushed him to the bed and got on his lap. He moved the material of the panties off to the side so he could feel you. His touch sending goosebumps all over your body. Your lips pressed together, his tongue swiftly making its way into your mouth. He threw his jacket on the floor next to his bed and his t-shirt followed. He lied down and you wasted no time in kissing his chest. Your tongue moved from his chest to his abs, your mouth watering and leaving a trail of wetness from his chest to his abs.

           Once you were at his jeans you undid his belt and put it next to him, your mouth so eager to put his length in your mouth that you felt yourself salivate. After you were finally able to take his jean off all that was left was the boxers. You teased him through the fabric and that’s when he finally started to lose control, his dick grew bigger in your hand and Jimins breath got much more intense, it eventually started sounding like moans and growls. While rubbing his growing dick you stuck your tongue out and licked all the way up his length through the fabric, that was Jimins breaking point, he quickly pulled down his boxers and tangled his fingers into your hair. You wrapped your fingers around his member and began to pump. Eventually, you put your wet tongue on his tip and sucked him. The sensation made Jimin moan and you felt so good about yourself.

           You finally put his whole dick in your mouth and his fist tightened in your hair. Your mouth over his dick while your hand was on his balls, lightly massaging them. You took your time with him, your core was burning and your panties were soaking but you wanted to enjoy him for as long as possible, you knew this was a one night stand and nothing else would happen. The moves were light and slow, making him way more sensitive.

           “Let’s see if I look as good between your legs because you look hella good between mine.” Jimins voice was raspy, the sound of the sentence stirred up a storm in your stomach, your core was burning and the thought of his lips coming in contact with your slit made you feel lightheaded. Jimin got up and flipped you onto your back, his tongue entered your mouth once again. As he was kissing you his hand squeezed your breasts and then made its way to your panties. His middle finger pressed into you, he moved it from your entrance to your clit, getting your juices to spread all over your folds. He followed your steps and lowered his kisses from your mouth to your chest then your stomach until he was finally facing your pussy.

           Ultimately, he ripped your panties off and pressed his mouth into you, he didn’t ease you into it, he was hungry for you and all he wanted to do was taste you. He sucked your clit and ate you out, no one ever ate you out so well. His tongue made perfect circles around your folds, he added two fingers to the mix and pumped them inside you, pressing into your gspot. The combination of his wet tongue on your clit and the two fingers pumping inside you made you climax very fast, you were surprised that you didn’t last but it felt so good and the sight of him between your legs sent you over the edge as well.

           “Already done babygirl? Better recover fast because we’re not done yet.” His eyes met yours and you got excited over his remark. He reached over to his drawer and pulled out a condom, he slipped it on so fast you didn’t even notice. Before he enters you, he looks at you for reassurance, you bite your lip and give him a nod. He spreads your legs and rubs himself all over you to cover the condom in your juices for an easier entry. It finally happens, his dick is finally entering you, you wanted it so bad for so long. He was gentle, making sure you were adjusting well to him but it seemed like he was the one having a problem adjusting to you.

           “You’re so fucking tight, oh my god, this feels so good.” He said and he wasn’t even fully in you, probably one third of the way. His moans got extremely loud and his eyes were shut tightly. This felt amazing, the bad boy wasn’t able to handle how good you felt, it definitely boosted your ego. Once he was finally all the way inside you he started moving in and out.

           “I’m not going to last long with you.” His breath heavy on your neck. You smirk to yourself and cross your ankles on his back. His dick felt so good inside you, his size was perfect and every stroke felt delectable. You licked his neck and nibbled on his ear, you could see the sweat starting to form on his body, with every push his abs became more defined. His muscly arms were starting to shake, he was growing even more inside you. The pleasure from the strokes was becoming more powerful, his forehead was on yours and his breath was warm on your mouth. He went faster and as he did his moans became more frequent, you whined his name and held him closer, it was physically impossible for two people to be closer than you and Jimin at the moment. Both of your bodies started to tense up, every push felt more intense and you both finally released. Jimin practically screamed and his name involuntarily left your mouth.

           He collapsed next to you and threw the condom into the bin next to the bed. You were both out of breath so you let yourselves rest. Once you regained your breath you started to dress and pack up.

           “Where are you going?” Jimin asks, sounding quite confused.

           “Oh, I was going to get a cab home. You’re probably busy with something I don’t want to bother you.” You felt quite awkward for some reason, you didn’t want to interrupt him with his busy life and you didn’t feel like staying longer, the cuddles after sex wasn’t how you’d want this night to end, it felt forced and he probably didn’t want you to stay anyway.

           “It’s 1am, what am I going to be busy with?”

           “I don’t know, it’s you! You’re busy all the time.”

           “You might think that but it’s not entirely true.”

           “Oh?”

           “Please stay, I want you to stay.”

           The butterflies in your stomach made you nauseous. You decided to stay anyway, 1am wasn’t exactly the safest time to go out and look for a cab. You sat on his bed and he got up and gave you one of his t-shirts to sleep in, it was nice and baggy and made you feel safe, it smelled like him too.

           “I know everyone has their own opinion about me and what I do but they’re all wrong.” Jimin began to explain. Your attention was fully on him, it felt like he was opening up to you and you didn’t understand why, what made you so special?

           “My exterior looks way different than who I really am. I mean, yeah, I do smoke, I drink but who doesn’t? I dress a certain way but everyone has their own sense of style, right?”

           “Jimin I’m sorry if this comes across as rude but why are you telling me this? I do want to hear what you have to say but I’m not really sure if this is something you say to everyone or?”

           “You might be under the impression I sleep with a lot of people but I don’t. Girls are always interested in me but I’m not interested in them. Everyone thinks I’m a badass who just disrespects everything around him, I know that that’s my reputation. Sure, when I go out I tend to get crazy but I have a lot of respect for a lot of people.”

           “Then why are you interested in me?” You ignore everything else he said and focus solely on that part, once you heard him say he isn’t interested in the girls that fall to his feet you wondered why the interest in you.

           “You don’t act like they do, you always treat me like a human. I know we’re not extremely close but whenever you see me you just say hi, you don’t giggle and turn to your friends to say how I made eye contact with you. You help me if I need it in class and you don’t try to seduce me.”      

           “Well I mean, we did just have sex.”

           “True but it was me who asked you, I’m the one interested.”

           “I am too though.”

           “Yeah but if I never initiated it, you never would have tried to persuade me and that’s what I like about you. You’re just different.”      

           “I just don’t see why people would treat you that way. You’re cool and all and you carry yourself a certain way but everyone can be cool if you get to know them. As humans we judge though, it’s in our nature to judge the exterior because we’re lazy, it’s too much work these days getting to know the real person.”        

           You continued to rant about how disgusting it is that people don’t try to get to know Jimin and just assume how he is. You were both on his bed, you were lying down while he was sitting up, his hand brushed off you from time to time and you knew it was on purpose. After a while of innocent touches he put his hand on your thigh as you were talking and delicately rubbed it. You felt such a strong connection with him you felt yourself fall for him. You weren’t friends, you were just acquaintances, you helped him in college and you’d see each other on nights out and make small talk but right now, it felt like you were more than that, he opened up to you completely about how he felt and how people treated him.

           The next day you both woke up quite late but still made it into college. You both got out of his car and all eyes were on you. Jimin never showed up to college with a girl. As you walked down the corridor everyone was whispering, you felt so vulnerable. His hand was over your shoulder and you looked like a couple which didn’t feel right. He was extremely popular and you were just an average student.

           When you got to class he sat next to you, every student was talking about you and some even dared to sneak pictures of how close Jimin was to you. It was definitely being sent around to people. You never had this much attention from one person, nevermind the whole college. You started wondering if Jimin wants more than just sex, he never was this close to you and he was showing you off to all of his friends, it made you feel good though, you felt like you were important to him. Once your class was dismissed you decided to meet up with your friends but Jimin followed you.

           “Can I just meet up with my friend alone? I’m really liking your company but I need to tell her what happened and I’d feel quite awkward saying that you were ramming your cock inside me, in front of her while you’re next to me.” You smiled and him innocently and his mouth parted at what you just said, he got shy and nodded his head. You knew what you just said was quite out of character but it was the only way to actually get him to agree to let you have some time to yourself.

           You hurried to the canteen, basically ran, and your friend stood up and ran towards you the second she saw you enter the canteen.        

           “Y/N what the fuck happened?”

           “What do you mean?”            “Are you and Jimin together? Everyone is talking about it!!!” She was practically screaming at you. You both walked to the seat as every eye in the canteen followed you.

           “Okay this isn’t going to work, we need a more private place.” You said to her and you quickly left. Thankfully she had a car so you ended up evacuating to it.

           “Tell me everything Y/N this is huge! I didn’t even think you were that interested in him.”

           “That’s the thing! I wasn’t but I always appreciated his looks.” You began to explain how you were out and met up with Jimin and things just escalated. You told her every detail and each minute her eyes widened. She was shocked at what she heard, from the stripping to the ex to the confessions after. After a while, you were finally done telling her every detail and silence filled the car.

           “Can you please say something?” You plead.

           “First off, wow I’m so proud of you, you got laid. Second off, you got laid and it was Jimin. Third off, do you like him?”

           “It sounds stupid because we aren’t that close but after last night I feel so connected to him and today he hasn’t let go of me once, I was barely able to make it without him to you because he started walking with me towards the canteen.”

           “So, you like him.”

           “Yes.”

           Your friend suddenly burst with excitement, you weren’t expecting that reaction at all form her, to be quite honest, you didn’t know what you were expecting but definitely not that. She started saying how cute that is and how he’s the bad boy but he’s falling in love with an average student and how romantic and cliché it is. You rolled your eyes at her and asked for advice.

           “I don’t think you should care what anybody says. This would be huge news obviously seeing as Jimin is never seen with a girl that way and people would talk about it for ages and I bet 99.9% of the girls in college would hate you but who gives a shit?”

           “99.9%? I’m pretty sure it would be 100%.”

           “No, I’m that .1% that wouldn’t and I’d still love you, support you and love the both of you.”      

           “That’s cute.” You smiled at her. You finished your lunch in her car and both continued to talk about last night and how much you like Jimin.

           You walked to your next class, Jimin was standing around with his friends and you walked past him, you weren’t used to the fact that you were showing him attention now. He grabbed your wrist and stopped you from walking away.

           “Did you chat to your friend?” He smiled at you.

           “Yeah, she was really nice about everything.” You blushed.

           “I’m glad.”

           His arm over your shoulder once again. The group started becoming smaller as everyone was going back to class. Jimin said bye to his friends and you started walking to your class together. On the way, you suddenly felt a push against your back and you turned around to see three girls around Jimin. They were asking him a million questions and asking for help after college. He looked at you and pouted, you laughed and walked towards him, you found his hand between the girls and pulled him away.

           “Thank you.” He plants a soft kiss on your cheek. You feel yourself blush and you smile to yourself. For the rest of the day you continued to avoid eye contact with everyone. Once your classes were over you told Jimin you have to go home to study and you made up some lame excuse to just be able to go home and be alone. He offered you a lift but you didn’t take it, you needed some air to clear your mind.

           At home, you went straight to your bed, your mind racing. You suddenly felt so much emotions that you haven’t felt towards Jimin before. You knew he was falling for you too because of how he acted with you. He wasn’t scared to show you off to his friends and he didn’t care what anyone had to say. You couldn’t help but squeal at the thought of you two together, you were so into him and you were the only person that knew how he really is, he told you everything about him and you didn’t have much to say about yourself because you weren’t that exciting but you told him everything anyway.

           It’s crazy how much one night can change everything, there was no expectations of Jimin ever liking you but to your surprise he was interested in you for a while. It felt like a new chapter was beginning and you couldn’t wait to see how it turns out.

[justhereforthefanartbean-blog]

For the commentary tag: “”I can only offer myself,” Yuri replies” to about “The shout is too late.” from chapter 5 of The Thirst for Adventure. Also AGHH choosing a specific short section was so hard, just. The whole thing. One of the most memorable scenes I’ve ever read in a fic.

Bruh. That’s 800 words XD 

AlsoEXCUSE YOU HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH NICE THINGS ABOUT MY WRITING (because theinternet does not allow hugging and I want to give you all of the hugs rn likedude, I cannot emphasise enough how much your opinion means to me, you’re afantastic writer and Heart is literally one of my fave YOI fanfics of all time,I’m so fucking stoned that you like my shit, holy crap)

Warning:I’m gonna post it all below because I wrote that so long ago I barely rememberit and I want to be able to reference it as I respond :P 

“Ican only offer myself,” Yuri replies.

Heis not shaking. The woman sneers at him anyway, her lip curling back to exposea mouth only half-full of teeth. Then, right before his eyes, her head opensup. A wound; the scar left by a sword. Stretching from the top of her headalmost to her eye, it splits her face and exposes her brain, but does notbleed. The skin is ripped, raw white and bloodless, and what he can only guessis the remaining mess of brain tissue is grey, like a carcass left to hang.

“Doesthis,” she hisses, moving closer, “deserve a half-blood’s revenge?”

IfYuri is shivering now, it is because she has chilled him to the bone. Standingthis close to her is like being immersed in the winter lake. It knocks all thebreath out of him.

“Ican only offer myself,” he repeats, choking it out as best he can, through whatfeels like lungs full of water.

“Notenough,” the woman spits, and steps back, sheathing her sword. “I will wait forsomeone better.”

Yuritries not to breathe a sigh of relief as the sensation dissipates. He coughs alittle, trying to clear his lungs of something that was never really there. Thechill, however, does not fade. The second widow steps forward.

“Whatwas your mother’s name?” She asks, hair whipping in the wind that wasn’t therethe moment before. It drags at the edge of his cloak, snatching it away fromhis fingers and throwing his hair in his face. It stings, cold, like tiny barbsof nettles.

“LarisaNikolayevna Plisetsky.” Yuri has to shout it above the churning and roilingair, and only hope that she can hear. To his great surprise, the woman stepsback immediately, and the wind drops to a breeze. “I know her name. She was agood woman. Your debt with me is balanced. I will not challenge you.” And thesecond sword is sheathed.

Liliahad told him that he might be in a better position than either of his brothers,upon meeting the widows, but he hadn’t anticipated by quite how much.

Unfortunately,his good luck cannot last.

Themoment the third woman steps forward, she introduces herself by name, and Yuriknows that he will have to fight.

“Iwas Véra Savvichna Ivanova. I fought and died for your ancestors over a hundredyears ago, only for my body to be tossed into the water as if I were nothing tothem. We will fight for my honour.”

“Iaccept your challenge.” Yuri does not take his sword. The nature of thechallenge is always the choice of the challenger.

Vérasteps forward and picks his sword from the ground, passing it to him.

“Sheatheit.” He does so, silently. “My body lies at the bottom of this river. You willswim down and retrieve it. If the river claims you, my debt is repaid. If yousurvive,” her eyes, dark and bloodshot, bore into him, “bury me properly.”

Yurilooks at the water. The river has been by their side since they left thecastle. It is fed by the mountain, from glacial streams, and this is not theseason for melt. The level of the water is well below the bridge and the bank,settled into the rocky hollow it has carved for itself. All the same, it isdeep, cold, and blue. He cannot see the bottom. Backing out now, however, is assure a death as drowning.

Hehas no choice.

Thethree women move back as he takes off his sword, and boots, then most of hislayers of clothing. As unwilling as he is to get his undershirt wet, and asmuch as it may hold him back in the water, he decides to keep it on. Divingnaked into a mountain river in autumn is only barely worse than diving inhalf-dressed, but he’ll take it. They move aside, allowing him to walk acrossto the halfway point of the bridge. Chancing a glance over his shoulder, Yurinotices that Otabek and Roza have edged closer. With a sharp shake of his head,he warns them as best he can. The fact that they’ve held off this long alreadyis surprising. He can’t say he would do the same if it looked like Otabek wasabout to jump into freezing water of his own volition.

Especiallyas neither of them will have any idea what is going on.

Hetakes a deep breath.

“Ready.”The two women who did not name themselves nod, and with matching smiles, jump,vanishing back into the water. The river does not splash.

Hefaces the river. Takes a deep breath.

“Goodluck,” Véra says, and pushes.

“YURI!”

Theshout is too late.

Holyfucking shit. Okay so MAJOR SPOILER ALERT. 

This chapter was the culmination of so much research intoRussian mythology. I’ve already talked about everything that went into itfolklore-wise, but character-wise, I knew what I wanted to do to Yuri. He’sjust left home for the first time, essentially, and although he’s been warnedabout this kinda stuff his whole life, the first thing he’s faced with issomething that completely isolates him. 

Hedoesn’t have the reassurance of his family or even his friends helping him. Buthe knows what he has to do. He faces up to the injustices that his ancestorscommitted, and for the first time in the story (I think) we see him be courageous withoutbeing angry. 

As anillegitimate prince, his station offers him both protection and danger. This isa direct reversal of that; in court, revealing that he isn’t Lilia’s son is thedangerous part. He’s been forced to hide it, and even though he hates that andisn’t at all embarrassed by his mother or Nikolai, there’s always going to besome residual effects from being forced to hide part of yourself. Here, hisreal mother essentially saves his life twice just by existing. Basically, Iwanted to give Yuri proof that while his blood has absolutely dictated his lifeso far, that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. (Although theWidows do basically insult him for it the whole time, because, you know, social indoctrination).

Ithink it’s also important to understand how entrenched Yuri is in his rolehere. He’s wanted to be a knight his whole life, he’s been training for itsince before he can remember, and then he had that taken away from him. Notonly has he got it back, his first ever encounter literally requires him torisk his own life. But he does it. Because he is a knight now, and that’s whatknights do. They do whatever it takes. And Yuri has always, always donewhatever it takes. It’s something that he struggles with a little later, especially when he actually leaves the group, so I wanted to establish it early so that when that happened it almost felt like he was betraying himself as well as them by letting go of some of his values and key goals. And also it then shows how fucked up that big key bond thing makes him, because he doesn’t deal with it calmly or sensibly even though we know that he can. 

There’salso a lot of traditional trial themes going on here. You know, he has to facethree tasks, the last of which is the worst, to prove himself kind of thing.All very ‘symbolic’ (idk it doesn’t feel like that when I write it). Taster of things to come! It’s definitely the simplestchallenge he’s faced so far, I think. For a start, there’s a very specific wayof dealing with it that he knows about, but also it doesn’t call his emotional state into question. Sure, it nearly kills him, but it’s a lot less gruelling than some of the stuff they go through later. 

It’salso kind of a test for Beka too. We get to see how much he trusts Yuri, eventhough Yuri hasn’t always given him reason to, and it’s obvious that he’s in a verydangerous situation. Otabek is the first person to actually trust Yuri tohandle it on his own. 

Butyeah, the folklore side of things was so much fun. I wanted to play withsomething that made it clear that Yuri isn’t the only supernatural being inthis world, but also that there’s a blur between the actual supernatural, simplesuperstition, and magic. Also, empathy. You know, they’re talking about theirdeaths and sort of forcing Yuri to experience them too. Like the sensation ofhis lungs filling with water, and the cold, and making him jump in the river –it sort of brings to life the brutality of what they faced. And we already knowthat, especially because of his influence, Yuri is a very humane person. It’sanother sort of inkling that he’s going to have issues helping Beka actuallyfight a war and kill people, even to protect more people in the long run. The ‘greatergood’ is much less of a clear concept for him.

Sothere you have it. Everything I was thinking when I was writing that scene! I’mnot sure a lot of it was very coherent but I hope it was interesting :P

[surveystodestressme]

45.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 6

501. If you could rename yourself what would your new name be? i’m okay with my name now 502. What is your Glam Rock name (the name of your first pet plus your street name)? lily farmington 503. Have you ever created your own ‘what ___ are you’ quiz? If you did make one what would it be about? i don’t make quizzes 504. What is your favorite song from the 70’s? i don’t really listen to 70s music 505. What do you feel like complaining about? my legs are asleep

506. What do you feel like celebrating? halloween 507. Have you lost touch with anyone you should call? probably 508. Deep in thought do you forgive everyone? not everyone 509. Can a person speak out against their government and still support their country? yeah, i think so 510. What do you have faith in? myself 511. Do you believe your government has a file on you somewhere? i’m sure 512. What (not who) do you care about? i care about a lot of things.  513. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you? probably dying 514. Who or what is really the absolute root and source of all evil? the government probably lol 515. What do you want to change about the world? lots 516. Why did you decide to complete this survey? i’m bored 517. Has anyone ever led you on? yeah 518. What was the last thing you did against your will? i’m not sure 519. What are your plans for the rest of today? i’m going to jacks, then hanging out with tiana eventually 520. How can you make tomorrow better than today was? be more positive, ig 521. Would you rather date someone 4 feet tall or 9 feet tall? height doesn’t matter to me 522. How often do you get jealous? not nearly as much as i used to 523. What is the one thing you do that your friends wish you didn’t? talk down about myself 524. Do you do any soul searching? nah 525. Do you believe you have a soul? i suppose so 526. Would you rather have a child that is more confident or more curious? neither bc i don’t want a child 527. Are you a slave to love? maybe a little??? lol 528. If you were going to write a bedtime story for someone you loved what would it be about? out life together or something cheesy like that lol 529. Does anyone understand you? yeah, i think so 530. Do you understand yourself? yeah 531. Earth, Air, Fire, and Water: Which is your element? probably fire 532. Who influences you to be the way you are? my boyfriend 533. What is one idea that you live by? be positive 534. How can people act to make you want to get to know them? like a good person 535. Are you more delicate or tough? delicate 536. Would you rather be smarter or more beautiful? smarter definitely 537. Have you ever had a surprise party? not for me 538. When are you at a loss for words? when someone says something really nice to me 539. What is the worst time to be alone? when i’m sad 540. What do your parents do that you will try never to do? be too overprotective 541. What gets you through the night? sleeping?? lol

542. Do you really want to live forever? not unless my family members and love can live forever too 543. Do you often experience powerful emotions? sometimes 544. What could make you so happy right now that you would cry and laugh and sing? if i was done with college 545. Who is your favorite visual artist?van gogh 546. What would you like to protest against? lots of  thingss 547. What or who do you support? i support jack and my family members.  i support gay marriage and equal rights 548. If you found out you were pregnant today, would you have an abortion? honestly... this is a loaded question for me.  because i really don’t want kids but i’m  not entirely comfortable just aborting it if i happened to get pregnant.  so i’m not 100% sure right now 549. Do you like picking out greeting cards or would you rather write your own? i’d rather write my own 550. Do you like to be thought of as mysterious? sure 551. What is the most magical thing that has ever happened to you? i saw a ghost once but i wouldn’t really call that magical idk 552. How would you tell your friend his or her fly was open in public? just tell them 553. Does a good friend tell you you’ve got something in your teeth or pretend not to notice it? they tell you 554. The world has many secrets. Have you learned any? Will you share it? i’m not for sure 555. Are there any bands you like so much that you want to get their music video collection on DVD? i probably would 556. What do you need advice about? how to finish college without wanting to die lol 557. Have you been half-asleep and have you heard voices? i think so 558. Do you have a good luck charm? jack 559. Should animals have the same right to life as people? yeah 560. What is your least favorite body part? my tum 561. Do you enjoy British comedy? i enjoy any kind of comedy 562. Are there ever happy endings or does nothing end? there are definitely happy endings 563. What is your worst trait? biting my nails/lip/inside of my cheek 564. Is the world more beautiful because of love? yeah 565. What is the essence of you? what? idk 566. What really inspires you? my sister 567. Have you met your soul mate? i'm pretty certain i have 568. Is everyday a special occasion? yeah 569. What sound would you rather hear than any sound in the world? my boyfriends voice or my mothers 570. Of the following which word best describes you: natural: outgoing: polite: quick thinking: 571. Do any commercials make you want to break your TV? i’m sure there are some but i can’t think of a specific one right now 572. Have you ever lost your religion? i’m not religious 573. Do you want to share your life with someone? of course 574. Where ARE the wild things? good question 575. Would you rather have a child genetically related to you or an adopted child? neither 576. If I had a birthday party would you come? sure 577. What seemingly impossible thing is POSSIBLE? anything is possible 578. What song do you love to sing out loud? separate ways or livin on a prayer 579. Have you ever run through the woods naked and played in a stream (you should)? lol no 580. Have you ever taken long solitary night walks? yeah 581. Is there more to you than anyone knows? i’m sure 582. Can you make tonight the night that you do the things you always wanted to do? i’m sure i could if i was determined enough 583. Would you rather watch life on TV or LIVE it? live it definitely 584. What keeps you chained down? idk 585. What is the nagging feeling in the back of your head? i’m always nagging myself about shit 586. Do you celebrate yourself? i should more often 587. Does everyone get the same opportunities in life? no, i don’t think they do honestly 588. What would you consider to be better than sex? a loving relationship 589. What evil is necessary? heartbreak 590. What’s your favorite one hit wonder? never gonna give you up 591. What would you do anything for? my boyfriend and my immediate family 592. Do you celebrate the full moon? nope 593. Have you ever gone in the water at the beach at night? i don’t think so 594. Are you ordinary? not entirely 595. What makes people want to hang out with you? i think i’m kind of fun to be around 596. Have you ever felt like you’ve been a little bit too good to someone? absolutely 597. What book did you like that you had to read for school? drums, girls, and dangerous pie 598. What book should everyone have to read in school? oh, there’s plenty 599. Do you like the store Old Navy? i don’t go there a lot but i like it 600. What movie sequels do you like? the saw movies