#idk my sexuality but i like gatsby
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love my friends and their gay little classics. tag your sexuality and favorite old novel.
#ill start#idk my sexuality but i like gatsby#books#classic literature#classic lit#the great gatsby#the portrait of dorian gray#maurice#hamlet
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<33
name: mithi - not really, just family nickname
she/her
16 years old
desi
lesbian
questioning demi/gray-aromantic
11th grader in cbse science stream (subjects: physics, chemistry, biology, psychology, english)
intj
mostly post & reblog stuff related to marauders, lgbtq+, literature, feminism, girlhood, desi culture, mental health & other general stuff & a couple other fandoms (pls stick by if i seem ur cup of tea)
dni: basic dni criteria, pro-israel
rules: don't be any of the above mentioned, don't be creepy
fun fact!: i was born exactly at 11:11 p.m.
daily click!
libra sun, gemini moon, cancer rising
mental: unstable, go through depressive phases, gritted-tooth optimist, mayhaps have depression/dysthymia
sideblogs :
physical: brown skin, black hair, v dark brown eyes, 5'6/168cm, glasses-wearing girlie, kinda a face reveal?
studyblr: @academicgremlinhehe here to keep my procrastination in check
mental health/vent/ranting: @thyhonesteheorte here cuz i'm too scared to be especially depressing on main
feel free to check me out on :
ns/fw sideblog: @thy-wench-hath-gone here for idk exploring my sexuality somewhere else, not gonna be horny on main yk
blog - like an actual site, not this beauty chaos
ao3 - solely marauders content
that odd melancholy feeling - current ongoing marylily fic on ao3
wattpad - same content as ao3
that odd melancholy feeling - on wattpad
pinterest - still in the middle of organizing so mind the chaos!
life goals :
become an academic weapon once again - summoning pre 9th grade me
plan a - iiser bs-ms course with major in biology & minor in humanities; plan b - bsc biotechnology/biochemistry + masters neuroscience/astronomy/evolutionary biology/marine biology abroad
phd astrobiology/neuroscience/evolutionary biology/marine biology abroad
multiple degrees?? yes pls to being disgustingly over-educated
work in research + part time writer
independence
travel the world
tagging system! :
#mithi's own - all original posts
#she communicates oh my! - answering asks, communicating with other users, tag games
#poetic lil mithi - original poetry
#mithi's marauders - all posts relating to my marauders fanfiction
#wishful necromancy - posts relating to the marauders fandom hehe get it?
#slightly less beloveds - posts about fandoms apart from the marauders
#musings from thy truly - journal extracts, vents, stuff that should be in my journal but i was too lazy to write with my hand, shit posts, life updates, literally anything that isn't poetry or fandom-related
#moody mithi - moodboards, web weaving, etc yk
#filmy mithi - posts featuring my own pics :)
#mithistudies - studyblr posts made until 10th october 2024
#save palestine - all donation asks
current read! : the bell jar (sylvia plath)
current watch! : -
current obsessions! : dreaming of an academic comeback
hobbies! : sketching, chess, photography, writing (poetry, lyrics, fanfic, novel, etc), recording vlogs, crafts, listening to music, reading, watching movies & shows, piano, and many many more!!
music! : gracie abrams, lorde, olivia rodrigo, chappell roan, cavetown, clairo, hozier, ethel cain, phoebe bridgers, mckenna grace, billie eilish, conan gray, chloe ament, mitski, tv girl, beach bunny, girl in red, lana del rey, wallows, alex g, florence + the machine, boygenius, and many many more!!
books! : solitaire, heartstopper, pjo, hoo, toa, soc, p&p, wuthering heights, jane eyre, great gatsby, sherlock holmes, agggtm, ouabh, and many many more!!
shows! : heartstopper, atypical, lotr: rings of power, pjo, young royals, dickinson, sherlock, s&b, and many many more!!
movies! : lady bird, p&p (2005), the perks of being a wallflower, dating amber, little women (2019), lotr & hobbit trilogies, thg triology + tbosas, dead poets society, and many many more!!
last updated: 28th december 2024
#intro post#introduction#blog intro#introduction post#pinned info#pinned post#introductory post#pinned intro#desiblr#desi blog#desi lesbian#desi sapphic
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im glad that my mom died anon back to explain myself:
well, honestly i keep thinking about this book in terms of it’s popularity and my opinion about it after reading it was - „it is popular to say anything”. to me, the most popular works are usually bad because they’re easy to digest and boring - so i’m stuck on No Opinion about igtmm - also with the argument of „i never read book like these (mental health memoirs/trauma memoirs) so i don’t have anything to compare to” and „i liked it only because it was relatable to me” and yet i keep thinking about it a lot. idk i think i’m just surprised that someone who reads as much as you do thinks that highly about the most popular book of 2022. maybe things sometimes get popular for a reason
no, I completely get that! i generally agree (and also generally avoid mainstream/popular books about disability, especially psych disability and ESPECIALLY disorderly eating). my curiosity about this book was mostly fueled by 1) an interest in some of the other topics mccurdy discussed, including religious abuse and sexual abuse in the entertainment industry, and, of course, 2) having grown up with icarly and loving/admiring miranda and jeanette as a kid, and also wondering "where jeanette went", especially in the wake of the news about schneider's vile abuse.
the centrality of mccurdy's experiences with anorexia and bulimia were actually a surprise to me, and initially made me worried to continue, and it was the sheer quality of mccurdy's writing and storytelling that compelled me to keep going - she is just a genuinely good writer, and a clever comedian in the style of hannah gatsby, able to exercise the full gamut of emotions in a reader without abandoning them/us to despair.
in terms of the actual depiction of ed-related stuff, I think that mccurdy has an exceptional sense of her own internality. her acting and dance training is undoubtedly an influence on this - she is able to coordinate her bodymind such that the internal experience she expresses are meaningfully readible by outsiders. that is to say, she doesn't write psychiatric disability as i do, and as i would, because she's different from me! she doesn't engage ideas of opacity and illegibility, rather, she highlights moments she is able to share with her interlocutors, and pulls on a shared script of lived experience. i value her depiction for its genuineness and intimacy. i think audiences broadly tapped into her ability to manage particularity and universality. we see ourselves in her work, while also understanding the sheer uniqueness of her narrative (and, as a result, respect her as the authoritative teller of her own story, which is kinda the whole conceit of the book!)
so, that's a longer-ish answer to my own admiration / love of the book! i also thought about what other "popular" books do this –– pretty much the only ones that came to mind were True Biz by Sara Nović, In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado, and (for disorderly eating stuff) Milk Fed by Melissa Broder.
if you're looking for a more opaque // Mad depiction of psychiatric disability, try My Year of Meats by Ruth Ozeki (disorderly eating), The Fast by Hannah Weiner (disorderly eating), and, broadly, A.S. King, one of my all-time favorite authors who writes Mad and narratively experimental YA books (and really deserves more love!!!!). She's best known for Ask the Passengers, but my all-time favorite of hers is Still Life With Tornado.
#ask#anonymous#i was so excited to hear more from u#i love having these convos#book rec#ed m#madness#writing#disorderly eating
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was talking with andrew yesterday about the two most misunderstood books widely read by american high schoolers (the great gatsby, catcher in the rye) and how sad that is bc they're both beautiful books that kids would get a lot out of i think?
i hate ppl treating daisy as a materialistic dumb bitch, kids widely misunderstand the scene with her crying over gatsby's shirts as if she actually thinks the shirts are beautiful instead of it being the moment the realization dawns on her that everything he has done has been for her, but she's trapped, she's powerless, she cannot give him what she wants and she cannot imagine even having the luxury of being able to make a decision based on what she wants. what teenager doesn't relate to the feeling of being increasingly aware of the cage that you're trapped in and the precise ways in which your existence is restricted on a daily basis?
and then Holden Caulfield, my poor sweet baby boy, "he's so whiny what's his problem he's so weird!!!" his Problem, in fact, is that he's a child, a sexual assault victim, and his roommate (also a sexual assault victim) just killed himself! he feels broken and alone in a world with no place for him, he's coping with severe trauma in the context of 1950s american toxic masculinity, having attended an all-boys boarding school, sent away by his parents who don't give a shit about him. he can't go back to school but he's fucking. 15? 16? and he doesn't know where to go, he doesn't know how to keep living. he loves his little sister. he's hurt!
idk it's just so sad to me, these aren't shitty asshole white guy novels, they're poignant stories about like. the human condition. if ur gonna have to read them, you might as well try to get something out of them!
#zoya talks about stuff#number one member of the daisy buchanan defense squad#also holden caulfield is such a good boy he's just hurting and who among us isn't????
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Got any advice on talking to men? I'm so shy and want to get better
so this is gonna be kind of weird advice but I’ll explain why I’m giving it at the end. My advice is, if you’re talking to a romantic prospect, try not think of them as a romantic prospect (I know that’s often easier said than done BUT ALSO if you want to DATE this person then they’re gonna have to be your friend too so there’s no point putting on a bunch of airs and graces and vibes that aren’t you - or the other way round and pretending to be mad chill when you’re not - because eventually they’ll find out lol). I say this because I actually have never struggled to talk to men because I’m bi but tend to, overall, be more attracted to women and I get a lot shyer around women (even when I’m like just trying to make a new friend tbh and I’m partnered and the girl is or she’s straight I get a lot shyer like I get worried she won’t like me 😂 whereas with guys I’m usually like “so he thinks I’m weird fuck him he’s prob weird too” 😂). The one time I can think that I really fancied a guy I didn’t know well was that Gatsby looking mf who had a gf and I wasn’t per se shy but I was just very aggressive in pursuing him and it didn’t go well (I mean we had sec but like the sex was bad and idk why I went to all that trouble).
All of my relationships tbh came out of friendship. All of them like… there was sexual tension and some flirty banter and I thought they were hot but also I just dug them as a person. That one time I tried dating the girl who told me she wanted to get married very soon and stuff and I was like sorta in a complicated breakup process with my ex, the whole problem was she wasn’t that cool like as a person (to me) and I didn’t have tons to say to her and I really couldn’t imagine like what we’d spend the rest of our lives discussing lmao not because she’s stupid or anything but because her interests are competitive outdoor sports like trail running and mountain biking (which I can tolerate like maybe once or twice a year if that), beach holidays (which are really not my fave type of holidays) and like non fiction. The only stuff we connected on was talking about historical lesbians because she loves history and reading about lesbians and so do I and we both like to laugh so we sent each other jokes but otherwise we didn’t really have much to talk about so no amount of me trying to feel less shy around her (and I did feel quite shy) would’ve fixed that. And that WAS a girl I was pursuing specifically to date/marry not just to see how it goes lol which again I think is why I got shy and listened to a lot of stuff about mountain biking and nodded and seemed interested.
so basically my advice is be yourself and don’t treat it as a job interview. Maybe they’re a cool person and you could be friends. Maybe you’ll be more than friends. Maybe y’all don’t click and it’s nobody’s fault. Idk. Talk to them, see what y’all have in common or what differences make them interesting to you, and go from there.
Also tbh boys are so stupid overall lol like obviously not every guy wants to fuck you and definitely not every guy wants a relationship with you but I’m gonna be dead honest, presuming a guy is single and he’s flirting with you like… fucking him is not gonna be difficult for you to achieve. Whether that becomes a relationship or not is obviously a whole other kettle of fish but yeah idk talk to men… normally lol. Ask them what they like, what they dislike, send memes, what their hobbies are, trade recommendations. Treat them as any other friend?? Don’t be scared to initiate hangs? (A lot of girls don’t want to “ask boys out” but idk boys actually appreciate that often and also why wouldn’t u lol like if you want to do something and you want to do it with this person, go for it). I mean, obviously some activities that we do early on with girl pals we can’t do with boys (idk like talking about clothes or shopping together or discussing makeup/nails because most boys - but also tbf most butches - just dgaf) but it’s unlikely those will be your only set of interests.
Be yourself idk and if they like you, cool and if they don’t then you guys just weren’t a good fit.
I hope that helped and I’m sorry it wasn’t like “say X to make him fall in love with you” but there isn’t a magic incantation that’ll do that lol. You’ve just got to… be yourself and find someone whose freak matches your freak.
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I genuinely missed your fic reviews so much omg 😭💕
Star:
Me: Please do. If you went through and annotated one of my fics with your thoughts, I would squeal with happiness.
Star:
Me: tbh yeah I think you would be Jason's dream girl. Like - he needs someone insufferable, someone witty who is not afraid to say exactly what they're thinking, someone who is gonna keep him on his toes. And then make him a pie and get him a fuzzy blanket.
Star:
Me: YESS FEELINGS !!!! Like I'm so glad it came across omg. I am also heavily resisting the urge to explain the Gatsby reference cause it's one of my favourite parts of this but that's probably a rant for later
Star:
Me: kill ? Dick Grayson. It might be faster. Or make him pay through hours of sexual torture. Idk.
Star:
Me: this is one of the comments that made me smile the most because it's so flattering that my writing style makes dumb little things like this sound fun 😭 I love it so much thank you
Emergency Contact
Jason Todd x Gender Neutral Reader
Leave me something - or let me out. I'm starving. Push me, pull me. Waiting for the start of:
Things that I want, this happily ever after. You choke on your words, but you swallow them faster. Just want you to be my Emergency Contact.
Summary:
After Jason miraculously comes home from his brush with Deathstroke, you're both feeling it in very different ways. You have an unexpected physical wound from the battle, and he has many (very expected) emotional wounds. You help each other heal. Even if it's very stubborn on both your parts.
Jason Todd x GN!Powered!Reader. Enemies/FWB to Lovers. Angst and Hurt/Comfort. (Slight Smut). Set during Season 2, Episode 5.
Word Count: 10,400
Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link
If you want to be notified whenever I post a new fic, make sure to follow my library blog @sundropslibrary and turn on notifications there.
List of detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.
Warnings: general emotional angst, Jason has a self deprecating inner dialogue, (kind of) enemies to lovers - more like annoyances to fuck buddies to lovers, friends with benefits to lovers, the reader and Jason have a bantering/argumentative nature to their relationship, the reader is meant to be 100% gender neutral (the reader is never referred to in the third person, so there is no need to use they/them pronouns, but the reader is not called she/her or he/him), Jason calls the reader ‘babe’ (imo, a completely gender neutral term and he would call anybody that), mentions of alcohol (Jason drinking a beer), the reader character has ice powers (not entirely relevant to the plot but I couldn’t help myself lmao).
sexual themes throughout, mentions of sexting (no detailed descriptions), mentions of sexting in public, mentions of the reader character sending nudes to Jason (no detailed descriptions of the photos), one scene with detailed smut (but it is not the primary focus of the fic), the reader’s genitals are not described in any specific way, some dirty talk, Jason is more dominant and the reader is more submissive, penetrative sex, Jason is annoying even during sex, Jason has a pain kink (even when he’s a dom, he’s a painslut, I don’t make the rules), scratching/marking (Jason receiving), slight humiliation kink.
mentions of canon level violence, mentions of kidnapping (in alignment with canon), mentions of Jason being beaten by Deathstroke, mentions of Jason’s near-death experience (being dropped off the building), gun violence, the reader is injured - has a bullet wound/bullet fragment in their stomach, mentions of blood, descriptions of first-aid, mentions of puss from an infected wound (theoretically, not something that happens in the fic). That should be everything.
A/N: The title for the fic comes from a song by Pierce the Veil of the same name. It's a newer song, and it's one that I absolutely went to when looking for a title for this fic. The concept of becoming someone's emergency contact is about upgrading the relationship from casual to much more serious, and just the whole song, and specific lyrics in it suit this fic so well. I highly recommend listening to it paired with this fic.
This was based on a request from my old blog, but obvi I don't have that ask anymore - the request was about Jason getting shot and having his wound attended to by the reader, but I changed it to the reader getting shot cause I thought that was more interesting and less common. If the person who made that request sees this and finds my new blog, I hope you enjoy it! And in general, I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it.
...
If asked, you would be hard pressed to explain your relationship with Jason Todd.
The best way you could describe it would probably be - friends with benefits?
But most of the time, the two of you weren’t even friends. You weren’t the type to hang out casually, or spend time alone together if it didn’t involve ripping each other’s clothes off.
If you ever exchanged secrets or those precious bits of your most raw selves, it was by mistake. It was through sarcasm, or coming off the tired lips of someone who had just been exhausted by a few orgasms. The two of you knew each other well, quite literally inside and out. But you always made a deep, concerted effort to hold each other at arm’s length. And maybe that’s part of what all the snark and harsh words were for.
It wasn’t all arguing. You were friendly. You could be civil, at the very least.
Right from the moment you had first met Jason, you had found him to be so damn annoying, a shitstain on the earth - yet, someone you couldn’t stay away from. The line between flirtatious banter and a truly grinding argument was always so thin with the two of you.
…
You hadn’t expected that your life would be truly changed when you walked into that safehouse in Chicago that day. You truly thought nothing of him when his eyes landed on you - in those moments, a completely anonymous stranger, raking his eyes over you like you were a piece of meat. It was a gaze that immediately made you feel naked, something that made you want to smack him. You told yourself it was because he was being a pervert, not because of the heat that curled in your gut at feeling so intensely desired by him.
He had been sitting on the couch sipping a beer like he owned the place, his thighs spread wide in a way you immediately decided was arrogant and annoying rather than hot - showing off his muscle tone as if it was trying to break through his jeans. Definitely annoying. Definitely the stance of a fuckboy trying to look bigger and badder than he was. He definitely was not attractive.
When Dick led you, Rachel, Gar, and Kory further into the condo that seemed far too conspicuous to be a safehouse, the stranger you would later come to know as Jason quickly spoke up.
“Who are your friends?” He asked.
As he rose from the couch, his eyes lingered on you. Though his words seemed more out of curiosity, you couldn’t help but feel that bite of something more salacious lingering in his voice.
It caused you to scoff and roll your eyes.
“Not important.” Dick declared, his voice snippy. He was clearly annoyed with this new guy, and you could tell that your perceptions of him were definitely not ill-informed.
“Who’s he?” Kory asked, going for the obvious question.
“Not important.” Dick parroted out the words again, sounding much shorter with his patience.
“Anybody want a brew?” Jason asked, motioning with the beer bottle in his hand.
“Brew?” You twisted your eyebrows with disgust, staring him down as you commented on his odd choice of slang.
He didn’t get to reply, as you were trampled over by Gar’s enthusiastic voice in your ear.
“I do!” He said, raising his hand with excitement.
“No, you don’t.” You quickly told him, reaching out to grab his hand and put it back down. “It’s disgusting.”
You had a grand suspicion that Gar had never drank beer before, and he had no idea what he was truly asking for. Rather, he was simply taking advantage of trying new things because Dick and Kory were incredibly slack parental figures and he was away from home for the first time.
“No, no one wants a brew.” Dick sighed, shaking his head. He threw Jason a small glare and you resisted the urge to laugh.
“That can’t be Adamson.” Kory said, motioning toward Jason.
This left you confused. But you didn’t question it.
“He’s not Adamson. Adamson’s in the bathroom. Unconscious.” Dick explained.
“Hi, I’m Rachel.” Rachel told Jason, offering him a sweet smile - being her usual sweet self.
“Jason.” He introduced himself, in that moment, finally giving you a name to that obnoxious face.
“I’m Gar!” Gar said with a grin, to which Jason nodded.
Jason caught you glaring at him, and looked you up and down again, as if trying to willfully tear off your clothes with his eyes. It made your skin itch with heat and you would forever deny that it was a feeling you liked.
“What can I call you, babe?” He asked, his voice entirely slimy, the kind of tone he would have used to recite cheesy lines to Tinder dates, you were entirely sure of.
Before you could come up with some clever reply, Dick sighed in frustration and started balking again.
“Okay, who we all are doesn’t matter right now.” He pressed, his neck so entirely tense that veins began to pop from the skin. “Can we just chill out, relax, sit on the couch and watch TV or something?”
It seemed that he wouldn’t get his wish.
Gar quickly charged around the table, finding something else to get strung up about.
“Yo, when did you get another one?” He asked, putting his hands on both of the expensive cases on the long dining table - a copy identical to the one you knew to be containing Dick’s Robin outfit.
It made you curious, and the answer that followed certainly surprised you.
“That one’s mine.” Jason said, his chest literally puffing out with pride as he stated the fact.
“No way.” You scoffed.
“Yes way.” He quickly argued back, the whole exchange sounding entirely juvenile.
“This one’s yours? Wait, you’re Robin too?” Gar quickly put the pieces together.
“I thought you were Robin?” Rachel commented, tilting her head toward Dick with curiosity.
“I am.” Dick said firmly.
“He was.” Jason corrected, a cocky smirk forming across his lips.
“Batman really lowered the height requirement, huh.” You said.
The words flew from your mouth before you could stop them, seeing as it was likely the only thing you could nitpick about Jason’s appearance. Between his stunning sharp jaw, his piercing blue eyes, his oddly appealing wild hair, his muscle tone being somehow visible beneath his baggy clothing - all of it made you equally frustrated and annoyed with him, and your baser urges couldn’t resist the low-hanging fruit.
You felt victory and a slight pang of guilt when Jason deflated because of your comment, shrinking back into himself at your words.
He didn’t have anything to say in return, he simply sipped his beer.
“Wait, how many Robins are there?” Gar said, beginning to excitedly ramble at the thought. “Are there a lot? Cause I would love to-”
“Okay, quiet.” Kory cut him off, clearly becoming annoyed with all of this dancing around the point as much as Dick was. “Sit.”
Her words were firm, and you couldn’t help but to listen. You found yourself collapsing to sit on the couch while Rachel and Gar took seats at the dining table. Jason continued to linger in the middle of the room, staring at Kory and Dick as their frustration filled the air.
“Bathroom.” Kory told Dick, and then they left to deal with whoever - or whatever - Adamson was.
Jason sighed and took a seat beside you. When his eyes fell on you, you set your jaw and glared at him. You didn’t give away a single ounce of the heat you were feeling as his eyes locked with yours.
“Even if I am the shorter Robin, I can assure you that everything else about me is… very long.” He lowered his voice and whispered those last words, crowding into your personal space as he did so.
It sent shivers down your spine, his silken voice making the words sound too tempting. Even if you twisted your face and said ‘gross!’ causing him to dissolve into laughter, you didn’t make an effort to move away from him or put any space between your two bodies on the very large couch. You told yourself it was because you were tired from a very long day of travel, not because you were enjoying the smell of his strangely expensive cologne from this close by.
His grin was still entirely smug, and you couldn’t stand it.
When he raised the beer bottle up to his mouth again, you reached over and put a hand on his forearm, forcefully dragging his arm down as you made a snide comment.
“That shit is disgusting, why the hell do you drink it?” You asked.
You found your face drifting toward his again and if asked, you would say it was a form of intimidation - not that you were being drawn in by an unconscious attraction to him.
“Because I can.” He replied, just as snide as he slipped your grip and sipped on the drink.
You mocked his words in an entirely childish voice, and then you raised a single finger up to it and skimmed along the neck of the bottle. It took only a single moment of concentration with your skilled powers to freeze the beer inside solid. He thought he felt an extra chill coming off his hand, but convinced himself that he imagined it. But when he kept it tilted and nothing came out to meet his lips, he shook it and then stuck an inquiring eye inside the bottle.
When he saw that it was completely frozen, he looked over and saw you grinning, and little did you know - that was the moment he became completely taken with you. You were one of the most annoying people he had ever met, and he found himself so intensely attracted to you.
Even if it was getting under your skin by arguing with you or fucking your brains out, he knew in that moment - he had to get inside you and drive you insane the same way that he knew you would for him.
…
When Dick left to go check on his old circus friend Clay, Jason winked at you and said ‘don’t miss me too much’. You made a show of putting a finger near your mouth and audibly gagging.
Later that night, when Jason didn’t return, you hated the curl of disappointment that panged in your stomach. You wanted to hit yourself for staring at the door, waiting for the second Robin to come in behind Dick.
You hated yourself even more for replying to Jason’s texts.
Apparently he had taken your phone out of your jacket pocket when you went to the bathroom (not to see Adamson - a different bathroom, to pee). And he had put himself in your contacts as ‘Hot Guy’. He had also sent himself a text from your phone that read ‘omg Jason you’re so hot, will you fuck me?’. And then replied to it from his own phone with a picture of his cock.
Unfortunately, the only thing you could mock about the picture was poor lighting.
When you told him as much, he quickly remedied that with several more pictures - ones with better lighting. He sent a video with very distinct audio. You would deny that you rushed to put your headphones in to listen to it while you sat on the train with Kory and Gar. You would deny that it drove a hard, hot pain between your thighs.
You dug through a folder and sent some pictures of your own. You told yourself it was to prove to him that you were too good for him - to show off something he could never actually have. To tease him.
You would deny that you loved the compliments he gave you, that you ate up the affection like a plant lovingly soaking up the sun.
When you were sexting him, you had no clue that you were ever going to see him again. It was almost mindless, something for a dopamine hit to distract yourself from all the chaos going on around you. You weren’t doing it because you actually liked Jason. You didn’t have any real attractions toward him, or any real plans to carry out all of the bold things you said in those messages.
You had no clue that you’d end up living together.
When you did find out that Dick would be taking Jason into the newly reopened Titans Tower along with you, Gar, and Rachel, you didn’t make a big deal of it in your mind. When Jason made flirtatious remarks toward you in person, you brushed him off. You put up a wall.
You told yourself that he was nothing more than a cocky, shallow guy who would use you for sex and then throw you away - something you could never actually build a proper relationship with. And if you were supposed to live together, be some kind of team like Dick expected you to be, then you couldn’t be messy. You couldn’t get emotional.
You had no clue that on one of those first nights living together, your self assured discipline not to give into your lust for him would break like a wafer cookie, and you would be in his bed faster than a sea turtle running into ocean.
…
“Fuck, babe, you feel so good on my cock.” Jason grunted, his face buried in your neck as he thrusted deep inside of you. The loud squelch of artificial wetness coming from between your thighs as he worked his hips, working you open with a needy, demanding pace. “Bet you love this cock, huh? Tell me how fuckin’ much you love it.”
“Shut up.”
The words came from your throat as a weak whimper, much less powerful than you had intended.
You didn’t want to give him any more power than he already held over you - he had you weak and willing on his cock, something you would have never admitted could be true until it was happening in these moments.
Though you would never admit it aloud, you loved the way he handled you. Having you pinned against the bed with his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips, having you breathless and moaning as he fucked into you with fast, obviously skilled strokes. Your nails cut into the flesh of his back, and he let out a low rumble from his gut as the sharp sting sent a wave of pleasure through him.
You hated the twinge of lustful embarrassment that curled in your gut when he chuckled at your words.
“Oh, you want me to shut up?” He asked, slightly breathless from the act himself, moving one hand beside your head to raise himself up slightly to look in your eyes.
He was sweaty, disheveled, his hair a mess, his muscles taught with the effort as he continued to pound into you. You hated that you had imagined him much like this before, and that this outlived all of your fantasies.
“Yes.” You fired back. “Just shut up and fuck me.”
He bit his lip - something you didn’t know was him trying to hold back his orgasm, so utterly turned on by your bratty defiance, the twinge of a whimper in your voice as you said those words.
“You weren’t tellin’ me to shut up when I was texting you.”
He said, all hot breath fanning across your chin, his hips spearing forward in sharp, hard hits that made your skin smack loudly together. It made you work hard to suppress moans deep in your chest in a way that was painful, like venom inside your lungs. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of your sounds, of knowing just how good he was fucking you - even if he could see it written all over your pleasure twisted face.
“You only begged for more when I was tellin’ you how I was gonna lay you on my bed. Take you apart… make you scream my name.”
He reached his other hand from your hip to the point where you were joined. He began touching that tender place, making sharp, vicious strokes that were almost vengeful. Tears easily gathered in your eyes and he let out another chuckle when you choked on a deep, pleasurable wail.
“Tell me, how many times did you touch yourself reading what I wrote?”
He asked, leaning down to whisper the words right in your ear.
“How many times did you cum thinking about me?”
“I didn’t.” You choked out, digging your nails deeper into the skin of his back, causing him to grunt as the pain mixed with the pleasure flowing through him.
“Sure, babe.” He smirked down at you, turning that look into something absolutely pavlovian that would forever make you feel his cock deep inside of you when you saw it, rather than feeling annoyed.
Maybe from that point on, it was a bit of both.
In an effort to shut him up, you reached up and claimed his lips. It was supposed to be a kiss, but it was mostly teeth. When you bit down on his bottom lip, snarling, he tasted blood and the way he moaned at the pain was absolutely unmistakable. It was something you remembered and used against him many times after that.
…
You wouldn’t allow yourself any room for self hatred when it came to that break in your self control. When it became an ongoing thing, you spun it as positive in your mind.
It was just sexual release. You and Jason both needed it. It paired well with intense training and the heavy studying that Dick made you do. It lowered your stress levels a lot, and it helped you get through the day.
The more time you spent around Jason, the more you got to know him, and the more you came to realize that he was nowhere near shallow. You easily saw that he was caring, deep, complex, troubled. The more time passed, you found yourself falling for him and the more you deeply denied it. Because it was just sex.
Things were good between the two of you, and you knew that if you added anything else to the mix - any complicated, mushy feelings - you would fuck it up.
You were especially reminded of this - how important it was not to fuck things up - just a day or so before every other force aside from you railed Titans Tower and began royally fucking things up.
…
It was a morning just like any other at Titans Tower. It was delightfully quiet - even though Dick demanded that everyone get up at ungodly early hours to begin training, you had somehow managed to wake up before everyone else and you were enjoying the peace it brought you.
When you got up to see that Jason was already in the kitchen, standing at the counter as he munched on a bowl of cereal, you wanted to scorn the idea that your peace would be interrupted. But instead, you found yourself willfully suppressing a smile.
You yawned and walked over to the counter, grabbing a bowl from one of the cupboards, thinking that cereal was just the right idea on his part. A deep frown cut through your face when you poured out the rest of the cereal box he had left on the counter, and a very measly amount fell into your bowl.
“What kind of asshole only leaves three fucking cornflakes in the bottom of the box?” You scoffed, causing him to chuckle.
“Learn to count, babe.” He told you, speaking with his mouth half-full. “That’s more than three.”
You rolled your eyes. You were likely exaggerating - but still, it seemed rude to you to leave such a small portion, barely a handful, in the bottom of the box.
“Or did I make you cum so hard last night that I knocked the common sense out of your head?” He added on, throwing you that signature smirk that made heat bloom between your thighs.
You let out a sarcastic snort, giving him a purposefully disgusted grimace as you lifted the bowl up and dumped the remaining cereal into his portion instead.
“You might as well take these.” You told him. “And don’t flatter yourself, you’re not that good.”
You moved behind them, distracting yourself from the conversation by making a cup of coffee.
“Oh really?” He perked up, rising to his full height, pure mischief in his voice. “It didn’t sound like it last night.”
Much to your horror, he then began imitating your moans.
“‘Oh, Jason! Oh, fuck me! More!’”
It was a cartoonish, pornographic imitation, something he likely wouldn’t have done if the others were anywhere within earshot. Oddly enough, even though your relationship was casual, you still kept it guarded and private, as though it were some precious secret that needed to be kept from the others.
“‘Jason, please, your dick is the best! Oh, make me cum!’”
But that was the farthest thing from your mind as embarrassment curled in your stomach, the reaction he likely wanted to draw out of you. You hated that you didn’t truly know if it was accurate or not, because sometimes - yes, he did fuck your brains out and make you completely mindless on his cock.
But you would never admit that he was right.
“Shut up.” You sighed, causing him to dissolve into laughter, feeling as though he had won.
But you wouldn’t simply leave it at that.
Instead, as you pushed the button on the machine and your coffee began to drip, you turned around and gently placed your fingers on the side of his cereal bowl. You froze all the milk inside of it solid, making it into one large frozen chunk with the spoon stuck inside when he wasn’t looking - distracted, staring at your face, looking for any trace of the reaction that he had drawn out of you.
You just glared, and he smirked once more.
When he picked up the spoon again and went to take another bite, the entire bowl came with it. He sighed in defeat when he realized what you had done.
“You know, it’s so damn annoying when you do that.” He sighed.
“I know.” You grinned at him.
He couldn’t help the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach at this. He resisted the urge to grab you by the sides of your head and steal the grin of your mouth with his own. He told you that it was out of annoyance, and not affection. He told himself those lines were most definitely not blurred when it came to you.
…
Confessing your feelings to Jason would not have been your choice.
Given the choice, you would have let your feelings quietly live and die inside of you. You would have just kept Jason as a friend. You would have even dropped the amazing sex if it meant staying on good terms with him.
But the stakes rose pretty quickly, and things were taken out of your hands. The choice was stolen from you and Jason entirely against your will.
When you found out he was missing, supposedly kidnapped by Doctor Light on the heels of some misguided plan - something inside of you shattered. Up until that moment, if you thought it was just a stupid crush, or an infatuation inside of you that would easily fade with time - you quickly found out that you were wrong.
You went through the stages of grief like a rocket.
Denial. Staring at the door, waiting for him to walk inside at any moment. Just like you had back at the safehouse.
Anger. Being so pissed at Dick at the other older Titans that you could barely breathe. How had they let this happen to him? How could they make him feel so inadequate that he felt the need to go out on his own, half-cocked, clearly doing something in the name of looking for their approval?
Bargaining. You would have traded places with him. You would have been the one, alone and scared and stranded if it meant that he got to be at home safe. You would have gone with him to carry out the stupid plan if he had only asked. Why hadn’t he asked you?
Depression. You wept in your room, hands clasped over your face, letting out chest-shaking sobs as you thought of the possibility of him never returning home again. You realized the possibility of him dying was very real and it made your lungs burn.
And then finally - Acceptance. You finally accepted that your feelings for him were something bigger, and if it meant that you were the only person in the Tower who truly cared about him (probably aside from Gar) - the only person who didn’t just see him as a pawn to be used against Deathstroke - then you had to do something about it.
So you laid out your love for Jason. You put it all on the line for him. You accidentally confessed to him, showed your feelings in a gesture so quiet it screamed.
You knew that for someone who stepped up to become Robin, someone who scorned cops for pummeling down on the innocent when they were supposed to be protectors - stepping up to try and save his life meant a love bigger than anything else you could have done.
And he was terrified of it. There was a big justice in your love for him. And to him, there was an even bigger justice in giving you an out to escape it - to escape loving him.
…
Hectic.
That was easily how you would describe the last few days at Titans Tower.
Between the unexpected arrival of Rose - Dick taking on another stray because, like Rachel said, he couldn’t resist a bird with a broken wing. Finding out that she was related to one of the deadliest men on earth that the Titans apparently had previous history with. And then Jason going off on his own without telling you, some botched hostage trade, and the group picking up yet another stray - a strange boy who had saved Jason’s life. It was all a blur of hectic chaos that had you snapping your neck to keep up.
Sleep was scarce and you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a proper meal.
But you weren’t truly worried about any of that.
Dust had been kicked up around your life, and you couldn’t wait for it to settle before you made your next important decision.
Even though the wounds were still tender, you knew that things were safe for now, and your number one concern was Jason.
The minute he had gotten in the door, even though he was slightly hobbled and clearly sore from whatever Deathstroke had done to him, he rushed out of your sight. He was clearly eager to get away from everyone like a wounded animal sulking away to lick his wounds in peace. And when you had chased him, ignoring a nagging pain in your own side from the fight, he had slammed his bedroom door in your face, entirely uncaring of the fact that you called out his name, concerned for him.
The rest of the group was distracted with Conner - not knowing what he had been shot with or how to fix it. You hated it, but in the eyes of the group, yet again, Jason and any of his problems fell to the back burner.
After you had taken a short shower and changed your clothes, you found yourself here. Standing in front of Jason’s closed bedroom door, hoping not to face another cold rejection.
You wondered if he would be sleeping, wondered if you should interrupt his peace. But you knew that sleep was unlikely after everything that had happened.
So you took the leap.
You raised a fist, once again pushing down that stinging pain coming from the right side of your stomach. You reasoned that it was probably nothing more than a bruise forming there. And you knocked on the door.
A few moments later, the door was jerked open, and Jason glared at you.
His eyes were dull and tired, and there was a large bruise forming on the side of his mouth. Probably one of many others that you couldn’t see, from the way he had been walking earlier. He likely hadn’t been sleeping, but you had disturbed him.
“What the hell do you want?” He grumbled out, his voice dull, lacking any true fight.
“I wanted to check on you.” You told him, entirely honest. “I know it might seem stupid, but I wanna see how you’re doing.”
Jason scoffed and rolled his eyes.
He wanted to agree that - yes, it was stupid. It should have been obvious how he was doing after being kidnapped, beaten, and dropped off a building. But he was an idiot who had gotten himself thrown headfirst into that mess, thinking he could handle it. And he didn’t need to go crying to you about how badly he had fucked up. He had made a poor choice and he deserved all of the consequences. It was a simple fact of life.
“I’m doing just fine, thanks.” Jason said, entirely snide and sarcastic. “Look, I don’t need your help, okay? So fuck off.”
It was a set of harsh, cutting words. But he thought getting distance from you would be best. This whole thing had woken him up from the sweet little fantasy the two of you had been participating in. He was a natural born fuck-up. And sure, he could have you for a while, play around a bit - but he could never truly make you happy. Eventually, he would fuck you up too. He was a harsh poison and it would be better if he got out of your life before you felt the full effects.
He moved to shove the door closed and upon instinct, you reached up and fought him on it. Unconsciously, you winced as a sharp pain came from the injury in your stomach, reaching for it with your free hand as you held the door open with the other. It should have been no big deal. With your meta abilities, you usually healed quicker. You weren’t even used to feeling it when you got hurt. You were probably just feeling it worse because you were tired.
You tried to ignore the pain. But in a moment, Jason’s eyes went wide with worry as his gaze darted from your face, knit with pain, to where your hand was nursing the injury. Any sense of smarmy discontent dropped from his features, immediately being replaced with a softness and worry for you.
“You’re hurt.” He said quietly.
He let the door fall open again, reaching for your hand to inspect the injury himself.
“I’m fine.” You played the card this time, exchanging his lie for your own.
It was an odd play. He had lied about not being so torn up inside, emotionally devastated as he was, and now you were lying about not being physically injured from the fight. The two of you made an odd, but perfectly matched pair.
Jason barreled right past your words, and you were easily pliant to his touch as he removed your hand from the injury. You certainly were not expecting for him to find anything incriminating under your hand. But he glared at you when he found bright red spread across your palm, a glossy wetness leaking through your shirt.
“You’re bleeding.” He grunted at you.
Clearly, he was disappointed in the fact that you had neglected to bring this injury to the group’s attention. Pissed off at the fact that you weren’t in the medbay with Conner receiving some treatment right now.
Maybe you could blame it on the chaos. Maybe you could blame it on the fact that with everyone so emotionally distraught, you didn’t want to be just another problem for everyone to fuss over.
“Whoops.” You breathed out sarcastically. “I didn’t even notice.”
That last part was honest. In all the adrenaline, all your worrying over whether or not Jason was going to live as you watched him dangle so high off the ground - you truly hadn’t paid any mind to the injury.
“You didn’t-?” Jason huffed out in anger, but didn’t bother finishing the sentence.
Perhaps he partially understood himself, knowing how the adrenaline from a fight could stamp out pain. Or perhaps he knew how truly stubborn you were and he didn’t want to waste his energy arguing with you.
“You need this treated.” He added on.
No matter how fucked in the head he was, he never wanted to see you hurt. That was something he would definitely waste his energy on - wearing down your stubbornness until you let him or someone else in the house take care of the injury properly.
“Conner is worse off than I am.” You shrugged. “He needs the attention more.”
“Then let me help you.” He said, an impatient nagging rising up in his throat. “Bruce gave me some first aid training. One thing that means I’m not totally useless.”
The words made your chest ache for him, a pain that easily competed with the bleeding wound.
“Jason-”
You wanted to argue with him. You wanted to tell him he had infinite worth to you.
But of course, he cut you off.
“Just go sit on the bed.” He told you, quiet, but a firm command that you couldn’t ignore.
He gently pushed past you, on a quest for some supplies to patch you up with. You then found yourself drifting into his room almost mindlessly, your hand clutching the wound again upon instinct. It was a place that you felt oddly at home. The nights you had spent in that bed since coming to Titans Tower, your head delightfully empty as he had fucked you hard and fast - they were by far your favourites.
You would say it was because of the sex, and not just because you got to be wrapped up in Jason’s arms. Maybe everything had changed. Maybe your answers were different now. Maybe you were raw and tender and Jason wasn’t prepared to chase you in that devotion.
But that was just the thing. With you and Jason, there was never any sense of devotion. You and Jason were always hard and fast. Teasing each other, verging on the edge of vengeful. It was a flame that burned intensely hot - but it was never anything soft. It was never anything that prompted you to knock on his door so late, wanting to check on his well being. It was nothing that prompted you to make chase to put your life on the line for him.
Even just knowing that he had the intent to attend to your injury, called himself useful because of it - the thought cradled you like a warm blanket. It had you balancing on the edge of a dam holding back a barrage of feelings that you had been quelling down since the moment you had first put your lips on his.
“I told you to sit.” Jason’s voice came from behind you.
He had raided the infirmary and now had a handful of supplies - luckily without anyone seeing him or questioning why. When you turned to him, he was closing the bedroom door behind him, sealing you both in with this newfound soft intensity, the tired lull of two people unwilling to hold back that softness anymore. It was entirely dangerous, and entirely life-saving at the same time; and neither of you realized it.
“Since when do you get to boss me around?” You told him, your voice low and lacking any true spirit or sarcasm.
It was in the same vein as the banter the two of you usually threw around - bickering about who was a bigger asshole, who was more stubborn, who was better in bed.
You expected some kind of sexual comment in return. You could almost hear it now - he was the boss of you because he made you melt on his cock, made you mindless and dumb with it.
But, no dice.
The longer you stared at him, catching bits of the fresh pain swimming through those gorgeous blue eyes, you wished so badly for the mischief and sarcasm and light to come back and bite you the way that it used to.
It only made your stomach churn harder at the whole situation. Things had officially changed between you and Jason. You had yet to find out if it was for the better, or for the painstakingly worse.
Jason sighed through his nose.
“You can be such an asshole sometimes.” He told you. Coming from him, and given the nature of your relationship, you knew it was almost a compliment. “Will you just sit down and let me help you?”
Even though you were utterly terrified of the swelling of emotions you felt, bound to come to a head - you did.
You sat on the edge of the bed and he placed the supplies beside you.
When he mumbled out a quiet ‘lay back’, and you did, his cool fingertips at the hem of your shirt pulling it upward felt strangely more intimate than any other time you had been in this same position. It wasn’t heady, you weren’t granted the distraction of his mouth on yours and his tongue shoved between your lips while a harsh throbbing nagged between your legs.
This was quiet, and calm, and gentle.
When you caught his eye above you as he wiped away the blood with some clean gauze, you saw nothing but pity and worry and sparkling affection for you. You almost dared to call it something as epic and dangerous as love, buried deep in his eyes. He worked with the most delicate touch, almost as if he was afraid to break you, before he glanced down and inspected the wound.
His brow furrowed with even more intense worry, guilt nipping at his insides when he got a good look at it.
“I think I see a bullet in here.” He told you, and then he moved around the bed and grabbed his phone, turning on the flashlight to have a better light to inspect it. You felt intensely naked, intensely caught when he began shining the light on your stomach with a harshly inquisitive look across his face. “Definitely something shiny. You got shot and you didn’t fucking tell anyone?”
It was only then that you realized when you had gotten the wound - the exact moment clicking into place in your mind.
“It was only a ricochet.” You argued quietly. “It’s not that bad.”
Jason scoffed and rolled his eyes, and began sorting out his supplies, preparing to pull out whatever was lodged inside of you.
…
Dick explicitly told you to stay put.
They only wanted the more experienced Titans, the Varsity squad on the case when dealing with Deathstroke. He blamed young naive incompetence as the reason Jason had gotten captured in the first place. You blamed him and Bruce pushing Jason out, making him feel like he needed so desperately to prove himself. But it was something Dick wasn’t ready to hear - an argument you weren’t going to have with the very stubborn team leader.
Instead, you went for the silent route. You trailed the rest of them out of Tower, and when Dick strayed away from the rest of the group, his head on a swivel as he glanced back and forth, seemingly wanting to assure that none of the others were following him - you followed your gut instincts and went after him.
You hid in the shadows and the moment that Deathstroke hit the button and those panels scrolled up, revealing Jason stranded on that scaffolding - you couldn’t help yourself.
“Jason!”
You screamed out his name, you leapt forward.
Dick didn’t have time to scold you, not before the gunfire started.
Kory came out of nowhere - seemingly, she had the same idea as you. Putting her life on the line for an emotionally repressed man that she hadn’t admitted her feelings for. But she was there because she was in love with the other Robin. (Or rather, a man who claimed over and over again that he wasn’t Robin.)
Things quickly became a blur - flashes of flame as Kory fought, battling with the muzzle flashes from Deathstroke’s guns, limbs flying as they fought each other. You didn’t see it, but Deathstroke raised and aimed at you as you rushed toward the window, blindly going after Jason. In response, Dick charged forward, redirecting the gun as he pulled the trigger. You heard the sharp ‘ping’ sound of metal on metal - what you couldn’t see was the bullet hitting one of the metal beams in the ceiling. But you certainly felt it when it sliced into your side.
At the time, it was nothing compared to the fear you felt for Jason.
His eyes were wide with terror, and you could only focus on getting him to safety. You had no idea that a large part of his panic came from seeing you in the building. He had hoped that Dick would keep you away from all of this. But there you were, standing a few feet away from a man with a gun who was shooting around wildly. Jason would have delighted in being dropped off the building to his death if he had to see you get fatally shot when he could do nothing but squirm on the other side of the glass.
You put two hands on the glass, banging on it - of course, it was no use. It was inches thick, meant to keep people from going through it at this height. Working entirely on instinct, you put your palms flat across it and began forming ice crystals over it, hoping to make it rigid and breakable if it was frozen.
Once there was enough ice, you quickly looked around and spotted a metal pipe there for the in-progress construction of the building, so you grabbed it and rushed to smash the glass with it. You felt victorious as it shattered, and Jason flinched away from the shards, putting you one step closer to freeing him.
Though the moment the glass was cleared, leaving the wind whipping around you, his first words of greeting to you were not celebratory.
“What the hell are you doing here?” He barked at you, clearly angry with you.
You felt a dull ache in your chest at this. You thought he might be relieved, happy, pleased. At the time, you couldn’t interpret his harsh reaction as worry for you possibly getting hurt.
Nonetheless, you ignored his harshness. You would save him, whether he wanted to be saved or not. You draped your body through the window, reaching out to him. You made an effort to keep most of your weight planted on the floor of the building, in case the scaffolding wasn’t stable enough to hold two people at once.
“What do you think?” You replied, pure sarcasm dripping through your voice as you reached behind Jason and began fiddling with the rope around his wrists.
The position put the two of you in intensely close proximity. Jason caught a whiff of your unique scent, the shower gel you used that mingled with your body’s natural oils; and he felt so painfully at home. For the first time that night, he held back tears. He couldn’t help but to lean his forehead on your shoulder, taking comfort in having you so near after being on edge and terrified for so many hours. You resisted the urge to run a hand through his hair, to cradle him and give him further comfort. You forced yourself to focus on the task at hand - getting him to safety.
Behind you, at the very back of the room, Dick and Deathstroke wrestled with the remote for the explosives attached to the scaffolding.
Just as you managed to get Jason’s wrists freed, Deathstroke hit the switch, and the bombs went off.
…
You winced loudly as Jason dabbed at the wound with disinfectant.
“I would say sorry… but, you’ll thank me later when this isn’t swollen and leaking puss.” He told you, throwing you a small smirk.
It was smug. It was the usual kind of humor that he gave you.
It was comforting to know that every trace of the Jason you knew hadn’t been stolen by Deathstroke.
You held your breath as he pressed down with the medicine-covered gauze again, drawing much less of a reaction out of you this time.
“Great mental image, Jay.” You replied, your voice dull. It lacked any of the true bite you wanted to deliver in response to him. “I’m sure it’s such a turn-on thinking about my puss.”
It was meant to be a joke. But even unconsciously, it was an acknowledgement of that dangerous line - the line between truly caring and just using someone for sex. The line between having someone in your life as a body to get off with, and being so… homely with them.
You and Jason were towing that line dangerously. It was a thread that you were balancing on, and it would either break, or you would cross to the other side and be forever bonded to him.
Jason shrugged. “Maybe I don’t have to be turned on by you all the time.”
There was more stuck in his throat. Another dangerous acknowledgement of that line.
‘Maybe I just have to care.’
Both of you lulled into silence because neither of you dared to say it.
After a few moments, Jason put down the gauze and hesitated to reach for the tweezers. He knew that pulling the bullet out would be painful, but inevitable. It was a lot like the state of your relationship with him. Break it off, and find happiness elsewhere, or acknowledge this big thing swelling to fruition between the two of you. Have Jason fuck it up eventually. Painful, but inevitable.
“You shouldn’t have to be hurt like this.” Jason said quietly. “You shouldn’t have gotten hurt for my sake.”
There it was again - words with a dangerous double meaning.
You looked up at him, pure pain knit across his face, and for a moment he looked from the tweezers to you and he could hardly stand holding your gaze.
‘It’s worth it.’ You wanted to say. ‘For you, I’d bear any pain.’
The words lived and died behind your eyes, and your tongue decided on something else entirely.
“It’s nothing.” You told him.
You downplayed the pain, pretending that the injury was only a minor inconvenience for you. And in the grand scheme of life, it was. With time, it would heal. Losing Jason would be something you’d never heal from.
Jason shook his head at this statement.
He forced himself to reach for the tweezers then. He handed you his phone, a silent agreement that you would hold the light as steady as you could. He knew you well, too well, and he knew that you needed something else to focus on to push away the pain. He put his free hand on the plush of your stomach, pulling back slightly to hold the wound open while you held the light on it.
When the sharp metal of the tweezers breached your wound, you wanted to swear. You wanted to call him an asshole as the pain shot through you. You wanted to scold him for leaving the Tower and being kidnapped in the first place. But you knew that even if it was playful or sarcastic, fueled by the bite of your pain, it was not what he needed to hear right now. So instead, you held your breath, and gripped his phone hard, keeping the light steady as you bared the sharp shocks of pain.
After a moment of digging around that felt like an eternity, he pulled out the fragment and held it up to show you as you collapsed back against the bed, panting with tears stinging the edges of your eyes.
“It’s not nothing.” He declared sharply.
You couldn’t conjure a response. You knew he was right. And you didn’t want to be forced to admit it.
Instead, you turned off the light from his phone and relaxed into the bed, closing your eyes as he walked around to the trashcan and threw out the bullet fragment. It fell into the bottom of the plastic wastebasket with a very small ‘ping’ - making you wonder how something so small could cause so much trouble.
Jason quickly returned to you, dabbing more disinfectant into the wound in a way that made you groan and flex away from the touch. Once again, he did not apologize.
There were a few moments of muddy silence with nothing but your slightly labored breathing, trying to contain your sounds of pain so as to not make him feel any further guilt about the whole incident.
Your mind churned, and you couldn’t help the next words that came from your mouth.
“I meant what I said.” You told him.
At the sound of this, his hands immediately stilled. You felt his eyes on you, and you forced yourself to open your own and look up at him once again. He stared you down with intense examination. He looked for any ounce of falsity, any sign that you were lying, even posturing to make him feel better after everything that had happened.
He didn’t find any.
You thought he might acknowledge you, that he might say something back to return your mighty words. Instead, he simply reached for more gauze, and began putting a final bandage on your wound.
…
The explosion caused a sharp rattle through your ears. It shocked you and made you dizzy and put the whole world off-kilter. The only thing you could perceive past the mind-numbing hum in your brain was the feeling of Jason’s rough glove gripping tightly onto your wrist, so you gripped back as hard as you could.
When you blinked open your eyes, you were half-hanging out of the open window, the edge of the floor cutting into your waist as you held onto Jason by nothing but his wrist. His whole body weight created a harsh burn, straining on the muscles in your shoulder as you watched him dangle hundreds of feet above the street.
Panic flooded you.
You scrambled to reach out with your other hand, and the moment you moved, your shirt slipped against the sleek, polished material of the floor and you began sliding out the window. You gasped and Jason stilled his panicked flailing immediately.
“Don’t move!” He shouted.
“Give me your other hand so I can pull you up!” You shouted back.
Beyond the unpleasant hum of your eardrums rattling, you still heard chaos behind you. Gunshots, the grunts of fighting, Kory and Dick’s voices yelling. They were busy with Deathstroke, they couldn’t help you or Jason.
Jason looked up at you with glassy eyes.
He knew that with all his gear weighing him down, even with the training you had been doing, you wouldn’t be able to pull him up. Not by yourself. And if you weren’t careful, his body weight would just pull you out of the window and cause you to go tumbling down to your death along with him.
When you saw that frown etch across his lips, that filthy look of dawning - you glared at him.
“Give me your other hand!” You screamed, your voice raking across your throat like hot coals. A hot boiling rage at the fact that he seemed almost determined to die.
There was one thing he was determined about. If he was going to die, he wasn’t going to take you down with him.
His gloved wrist started to slip from your nervous, sweaty palm, and you tried hard to hold on tight. You formed large shards of ice, hoping you could create some kind of bond there by freezing your hand to his. But it would only be temporary with gravity trying to tear the two of you apart.
“You have to drop me, Y/N.” He said, nothing but pure mourning on his lips. “I’m dead weight.”
You both knew it was a horrendous double meaning.
He thought he was a dead weight to your life.
“No!” You immediately defied this thought, that feral rage ripping at your throat once again. “I’m gonna pull you up. I’m gonna pull you up!”
You reached your other hand down and tightly wrapped both of your hands around his wrist, yanking upward. The harsh movement caused you to slide even further out the window. You were now dangling dangerously over San Francisco with only the thickness of your thighs giving you any real stability on the intensely high up floor. It made you dizzy, and the only thing you had to focus on were the wet wells of Jason’s eyes staring up at you.
“It’s no use!” Jason said tearfully.
You ignored him.
You cast your chin over your shoulder, and began shouting.
“Help me!” You screamed, trying desperately to get the attention of Dick or Kory. “Help me! Fuck!”
“You have to let go.”
Jason’s words immediately shifted your focus back to him.
But of course, you refused.
“I’m not letting go of you!” You declared sharply. “Not that easily.”
As he stared up at your tearful eyes, he knew that you meant it as more.
Unfortunately, it was the one thing he was terrified of.
He thought that you saw him as some shiny perfect thing, something good and worth having in your life. He thought that you were incapable of seeing the poison, the true fuck-up that he was. If you didn’t let go of him, sooner or later, just like everyone else in his life, you were going to get burned.
So Jason did what he had to do.
He began prying your fingers off his wrist, trying his best to keep you stable while he forced himself from your grip.
“No!” You shrieked. “No, no, no-”
You didn’t have much room to fight him about it without falling out of the window yourself.
You made a move to readjust, to get a tighter grip on him - and it was the one deadly move that caused him to slip out of your touch completely.
You were forced to watch on in chest clenching horror, blinking through heavy tears as he began hurtling toward the ground.
…
If not for Conner - a literal miracle - swooping in and saving Jason at the last second, then you would have spent the rest of your life regretting those moments, wondering what you could have done differently to save him.
When Jason finished taping down the bandages, making sure the wound was clean and secure, he laid his palm flat on top of it. It was a kind of ‘kissing it better’ that instantly spread warmth curling through your gut. It was a touch so incredibly tender - especially compared to the heated, aggressive groping you were used to from him - that it caused a whimper from the back of your throat.
You knew it was unlikely, but you hoped that he hadn’t heard it.
“All done.” He said quietly.
You instantly felt regret when he took his hand away and began tidying up the medical supplies. But you forced yourself to sit upright, now feeling only muscle soreness and a much duller pain coming from the area. You felt intensely thankful for his care as you pulled your shirt back down, righting your clothes back into place.
“You’re free to go now.” Jason told you, his voice still low, as though a single decibel would shatter the delicate peace between the two of you.
You felt your heart sink.
In an instant, you understood what it was - he was concerned about your physical wellbeing, but he didn’t actually want to have you around. Just like his reaction to you showing up at the hostage exchange - he didn’t want your presence there.
You heaved a sigh and got off the bed as Jason busied himself with gathering up the used gauze to throw it away. As you put your hand on the doorknob, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to leave.
It was something else.
It had to be something else.
Jason hadn’t let himself drop off a building in some desperate ploy just to get away from you. He had been trying to save you.
He was so utterly willing to give his life for yours.
And now he was trying to back down from that.
You turned and faced him, leaving the door closed. When he turned from ditching things in the wastebasket, he froze. He was entirely surprised that you were still there.
The two of you locked eyes, both staying still - like a predator and prey locked in a stalemate, wondering who would run first.
In this situation, you weren’t sure who was the prey.
You were both so vulnerable.
Jason thought it would be selfish to get caught up in all of this, to finally admit those dangerous feelings he had for you. When he cared for things, he usually ended up breaking them. Of course, it was never on purpose - he was an idiot. Everything he touched, he fucked up. He had made that more than evident with his last braindead plan, the outing to prove that he was worthy of being Robin. Something that had gotten you shot, probably could have gotten you killed.
If you stuck with him any longer, you probably would end up being killed. And he would never forgive himself for that.
He would be better off ripping himself from your hold, as much as it hurt. Giving you a dose of that heartbreak now so that you could get over him and go after better things.
As you stared at Jason, you could see all the pain boiling underneath his surface. You wondered what he was thinking, what the hell he was churning over in that intense brain of his - but you didn’t dare to ask.
You knew that he needed to be held right now - in every sense of the word. You knew that he needed to be cared for the way he had cared for your wound, pushing past the pain in order to heal. You wondered if he would lay down and bear it or if he would continue to fight you.
You were the one to bravely step forward. Though Jason was tempted to ask you to leave, that thing inside of him yearning to marinate in his isolation because he deserved it, he pushed it down. He let his hands naturally come to sit on the plush comfort of your waist as you put a gentle touch on both his shoulders, leaning into his body ever so slightly.
You laid your forehead on his cheek, right next to that ugly bruise that had been left on him, and he let out a contented sigh as he felt your warmth envelope him. For the first time since his feet had touched the ground, he felt calm. He felt safe.
You smoothed a hand across his shoulder, and raised your head, using your touch to gently tip his face toward yours. He quickly realized that your intention was to kiss him. And something ached in his heart - something painful and longing. He knew that it would not be needy and haste with the intention of pile-driving toward sex like your other kisses had been. He knew that it would be the metamorphosis of your relationship that he was not prepared to go through.
He nuzzled along your forehead, gently stopping you.
“Please don’t do this.” He murmured quietly into your skin.
He knew that it would break him.
He knew that this was the moment - like Gatsby reaching up toward the stars - this would be the moment that he was tied to you forever, damned by his love for you. Only, much different than Gatsby, he wasn’t destined for some grant fate if he didn’t have you. He was on a one way path to a messy death, and he was determined not to take you down with him.
Tears pricked the edges of his eyes at the thought.
You pulled back, just enough to properly look him in the eyes, and your own tears formed when you saw that pathetic puppy dog looking back at you.
“Why not?” You demanded, much sharper than you intended. You knew he was fragile and you didn’t want to upset him any further than he already was.
“You know why.” He replied, his voice barely scraping above a whisper as the emotion clutched at his throat.
Jason wanted to hold onto you forever, but he was also a realistic person. He expected that any minute now, you would rip away from his arms and charge out the door, entirely angry with him, and this would finally be over. You would finally be safe from him - safe from any nasty fate his life could conjure up for you.
You hated what he was asking of you - asking you not to care for him anymore. As if you could somehow switch it off. Impossible.
“I meant what I said.” You repeated yourself, still entirely firm in this conviction. “I’m not gonna let you go that easily.”
You leaned in, planting your lips on his in a light kiss. A pained sigh ripped through you when he didn’t make any moves to kiss you back.
“Jason, please.” You whimpered out desperately. “If you get to bandage my bullet wound, then I get to do this.”
Jason wanted to spell it all out for you, plain and dirty. He wanted to get angry, he wanted to scream. He wanted to rush along the inevitable. He wanted to tell you what a poison he was to the world, that he deserved to die and you deserved better things. But he had the utmost feeling that you wouldn’t listen.
“Please, stop pushing me away.” You whispered against his lips.
Instead, he listened to your plea. He let himself indulge in this selfish softness for once.
He reached up and grabbed your jaw, pulling you into a firmer kiss, declaring every ounce of passion and terror that he was feeling in those moments. You answered it all right back - digging your fingers into the shoulders of his shirt, letting out a hot huff against his cheek as you leaned into his body.
He would never be perfect - but he was yours.
...
Final note: yes, I used to be @/pinkchubbiebunnie. That is still my username on AO3, so if you saw this fic posted on there, it is my fic. Please do not accusing me of plagiarising fics if you see this, because this is my own fic. This is my new blog. Feel free to follow me if you’re interested in my fanfiction and thoughtful discussions of the media that I enjoy.
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My favorite books of 2021
idk I just feel like recommending some books so here’s some rad stuff I read in 2021
War of the Realms: New Agents of Atlas / Agents of Atlas: Pandemonium / King in Black: Atlantis Attacks by Greg Pak
Y’allll these comics give me so much joy. Such a great story about a team of Asian superheroes. It also introduced me to my boy Amadeus and now he’s one of my favorite superheroes and I love him.
We Belong by Cookie Hiponia Everman
Another book that fills my heart! This is a really quick read too because it’s a novel in verse. It’s about a Filipino mother telling two stories to her daughters - one about Filipino mythology and one about her past as an immigrant. It was really beautiful and made me cry and I highly recommend
Parachutes by Kelly Yang
Oof this book is heavy and deals with sexual assault, but if you’re able to read it, it’s an amazing book with a fantastic dual POV. The two protagonists - a privileged Chinese high schooler sent to study in the States, and her far less privileged Filipina host sister - were such great complex characters and I was really rooting for them both by the end.
The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo
This is a retelling of The Great Gatsby from the POV of Daisy’s friend Jordan, who is Asian and queer in this book. I really liked it because The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite classics, and I think Jordan’s perspective was really great for portraying the characters in a new way while recognizing their faults. It’s also written BEAUTIFULLY.
She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan
Imagine if Mulan was explicitly genderqueer???? And was fighting for her own greatness rather than for her family’s honor???? So yeah the protagonist Zhu dresses as a guy and ends up becoming a monk and then going to war. A really great military fantasy ensues.
and last but not least...
Jughead, Vol. 2 by Chip Zdarsky / Ryan North / Derek Charm
My boiiii!!! I got into this series for the ace rep and ended up loving Jughead so much that I cosplayed him for Halloween. I really love the first two volumes, but the second one is my favorite. The ace rep was great in it, and it’s just an overall fun time.
#yeah idk that's it send post#feel free to ask for recs any time thooo#book recs#she who became the sun#jughead#parachutes#the chosen and the beautiful#we belong#new agents of atlas#just me being me
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Name/Alias: Squash
Sexuality: Queer
Pronouns: They/it/She or He
Fandom: Either <3
Fun Facts: I love writing, I'm currently planning ideas to write one!!! Writer's block sucks though... I do witchcraft. I play VR chat with a lot of online friends. I love literature/the classic books/poetry such as Shakespeare, The Great Gatsby, Edgar Allan Poe, and many others! I also read Manga. I've caught up to the Bungou Stray Dogs manga and Sigma shdhdhfh. I could go on rants about many things like lore, characters I love/hate, and just anything in general. I also love crime podcasts and predicting things that'll happen. I'm sorry this is kind of long... I'll end here!!
I'm super sorry if this is bothering ot if I forgot something.
i havent done a primarily sk8 request yet so you will be my first!! hope you enjoy your match up
i see your fate and to whom it's intertwined with, the beholder of your heart is...
cherry blossom!
❀ ugh im so jealous
❀ like i am with most of these tbh
❀ but cherry is actually so pretty i wanna die
❀ and he thinks the exact same thing with you
❀ i feel like cherry is a very focused, elegant, radiant. carefree. dREaMy. man but when he just suddenly has his thought overrun with your smile, the way your eyes light up while you talk passionately about the things you like and your laugh when retelling the funny stories with your friends or random people you met on VR chat.
❀ he can't help but crack a wide grin on his usually stoic face.
❀ and who just happens to be in the room almost everytime this happens??
❀ you can probably guess
❀ FUCKING. JOE.
❀ GOD.
❀ he would tease the shit out of him for it too
❀ poor guy lmao
❀ mans would tell you about S and all the stuff he does with skateboarding and yk all the beefs he does (yeah um idk how to explain lmao)
❀ so like you can cover for him when someone asks for him but he's at S
❀ ALSO IM PUTTING YOU IN A SCENARIUO
❀ so remember when the gang went to joe's restaurant to like learn about the love hug?
❀ yeah you were there too!
❀ idk why you two were just casually eating dinner together
❀ at joe's restaurant
❀ not very casual then huh...
❀ and like when reki and the other cxame they went like "omg who's that"
❀ CHERRY WOULD SAY SM LIKE "their an acquaintance ;)"
❀ and EVERYONE WOULD GET IT
❀ except for langa tho
❀ sorry langa
❀ anyways yk that one meme where its like this one guy talking and the other is listening?
❀ yeah that's you two
❀ and he remembers <3333333333
❀ so like if he ever finds himself in a conversation that brings up the great gatsby, he'll be able to impress everyone with his knowledge in the topic
❀ and you're the one who to thank for it <3
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* 𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐚𝐲, 𝐜𝐢𝐬-𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 + 𝐡𝐞 / 𝐡𝐢𝐦 | you know 𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐲 “𝐬𝐢𝐝” 𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐮, right? they’re 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 by 𝐨𝐡𝐢𝐨 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫𝐬 like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭’𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟎𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐨 thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is 𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟏𝟔𝐭𝐡, so they’re a 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧, which is unsurprising, all things considered.
NAME: kassidy averescu NICKNAME(S): sid. strictly sid D.O.B: january 16th, 1996 AGE: 25 BIRTH PLACE: irving, north carolina CURRENTLY RESIDING: irving, north carolina SEXUALITY: bi-curious, but we don’t talk about it OCCUPATION: entitled twat / pesky lil crook
tw: mentions of gangs, crime, drugs, weapons, attempted murder but not really.
BACKSTORY:
born and raised in irving, has lived in the same freakin’ mansion in aquila drive pretty much his whole life. serving you the full rich boy fantasy, except it’s all rotten. illegal as shit. his mother, who’s been pretty much an outlaw since she was in her early twenties, literally runs like a tiny little crime organization where she recruits family members and people she finds trustworthy enough to pull off heists and just... earn all that $$$ in ways that could get you seriously fucked if anyone ever found out. she’s quite powerful and.. frankly quite scary for a woman in her late fifties. truly knows how to get shit done. i mean.. she trained her kids to be semi successful young criminals, so.. that’s pretty badass of her.
to be fair, though, he still had a childhood. he wasn’t, like, laundering money at the age of six. growing up, he obviously wasn’t exposed to a lot of illegal stuff. would get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and didn’t even question it. thought for the longest time that his mother really was this successful business lady or whatever, and all the shady people in their living room past 10pm were just other company owners.
never met his dad. guy’s been out of the picture since before his mother even knew she was pregnant. has few half-siblings, though none of them probably has the same father as their mom was never one for commitment. sid fully leaves the half part out when talking about them, because.. well, they all pretty much grew up together, so that makes them 100% siblings.
he’s the only boyo in the family and uhh... sometimes it’s as if he believes he deserves special treatment because of it??? idk.
did well enough in high school, got accepted to college in charlotte on a swimming scholarship even though the fam had more than enough money to pay for the studies. but, he was a good swimmer and.. it was recognized. he used to compete a little and even won a couple of times, but.. he still wanted more. started getting greedy. grew up getting everything handed to him, was the best on the high school swimming team so when he went off to college and met another guy who was maybe even slightly better?? oh, hello, he was not gonna take it. i think that was like the first time he felt properly jealous. threatened to shit. at that point in his life, he was aware of the stuff his mother had been pulling, having been involved a couple of times before. so, he thought he could just take the matter into his own hands and once before a competition, he crushed up a bunch of sleeping pills and had someone slip them into the dude’s gatorade. guy literally passed out in the water and almost drowned. to nobody’s surprise, the competition was put on hold and sid literally had the audacity to be like ??? what !! but he passed out, so .. how does that not mean i win???
anyways, the accomplice felt so horrible about this, they told on him and sid was obviously kicked out of uni. in fact, the whole situation was serious enough for people to want to take it even further (aka to court) but that’s where sid’s mom stepped in and did some of her ~ magic ~ to get her shit child, as well as the overall family name, out of trouble. she was so, so disappointed, though. like, wow, she went in on him, and he cried like a little bitch on the ride home. hasn’t spoken of this incident since, but if you bring it up, he’ll stick to the story the guy just passed out. not his fault. don’t hold it against him. <3
has grown a lil since the incident. learned to be more careful when it comes to sabotage. now, he’ll smile to the opponents face, lose with grace, and afterwards get his revenge if he’s feeling petty enough. 80% of the time, he is.
currently lives with the fam and is very involved in the whole.. heisting. gets a massive kick out of it, tbh.
PERSONALITY:
um, first of all, he’s absolutely unhinged. quite unpredictable. like, he’s not necessarily always ready to stab someone, but there are moments where he just does something and you’re like ??? oh my fucking god, please stop. literally, whenever he’d get angry abt something he’d go a little off the rails and maybe shoot the radio or the tv and his mom wld jst be like ... it’s okay, baby. go at it. i’ll let you shoot one object a week. whatever makes you feel better <3 so yea, in a way she... encouraged a lot of this behavior?? idk, i don’t wanna point fingers, but if she had let him.. not be a brat for a second, he wld maybe be a different person today. rip.
restless. so fucking restless. and you know what does not help?! all the coke he does! and molly! and other shit that doesn’t do any good when your mind is already going hundred miles per minute. yum, yum.
absolutely thrillseeker. he just wants to feel stuff. adrenaline rush 24/7. can somewhat contain himself enough not to mess up when on a job, but in his free time?? he’ll literally get someone to ram his head into a wall and freakin’ laugh abt it. it’s a mess. a riot.
omg ... has the nasty tendency of handling weapons like they’re toys. will spontaneously do shit like a point a gun at you or put it in his mouth and be like ... yo yo yo. thinks it’s funny? i honestly don’t know what’s going thru his mind.
because his thoughts move at the speed of light, he also tends to speak super fast when he’s all riled up abt something. also knows a bit of asl n ... its actually quite scary how fast he can sign along.
doesn’t hold back. if he feels strongly abt something, he’ll prob voice his opinion. isn’t afraid to be like “i hate that guy and i don’t want him around” when the guy is literally stood there like ?? chill. i just came to get my copy of great gatsby ??
acts like he’s the shit. conceited prick. self-proclaimed big dick energy, but if u look closer, it reeks of insecurities. absolutely never point that out.
genuinely offended when he can’t be the best/most skillful person in the room, esp if it it’s something he considers himself good at. has bit of a hard time admitting defeat.
fr the most part, his bark seems bigger than his bite. has definitely tried resolving conflicts by going “mooooooom!!!!” at the age of twenty-fuckin’-five. manbaby realness.
guess he can be bit of a fuckboi?? sleeps with a bunch of ladies while looking at boys from afar and going ..... *heavy sigh*. has had a crush on.. quite a few, but he’d rather eat his own hair than ever publicly admit to it.
though, he’s by no means homophobic. jst ... a little unsure of his sexuality n it makes him a lil insecure. bt.. vulnerabilities and ... that sorta stuff?? pfft. not in his household.
also . don’t call him kassidy. he won’t respond. unless you’re his mom. and you’re angry. then he might weep.
WCS:
um. i’ll make a list at some point maybe bt until then.... come punch him in the gut? <3
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Headcanon sexuality for: Donald, Gladstone, Scrooge, Glomgold and Rockerduck?
donald: bi. i see him being kind of insecure about his attraction towards dudes but jose and panch made him feel more comfortable with it gladstone: gay... i don’t see him being very involved in relationships though..not sure how to word it..like he never bothered to think about it. maybe he dated girls bc he thought that’s what he was supposed to do in order to look cool. just one day he looked at donald and went *points at* mom I want this one scrooge: bi. he probably. doesn’t think much about it. he isn’t fussy lol as long as one shares his drive and passion and values... glomgold: i wonder... idk if he’s gay or bi to me but this old man has a lot of issues he needs to fix before he can get in any relationship hahah... oh the thought of a bitter lonely isolated gay man who never got to terms with his sexuality... nice but sad (my brain is bulging) As I Typed This I Decided Flinty Is Gay Thank You rockerduck: bi in an extravagant gatsby way as in i want him to throw parties where he’s in a pool of champagne with guys and girls clinging to him and it’s all a big show to impress scrooge and flinty but they just look at him with The Heavy Look Of Judgement
#hickapostsart#answering these asks made me lose so many followers lmao#you guys are WEAK and can't stand seeing the TRUTH in my FLAWLESS OPINIONS
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🌸✨WILDFLOWER-APOLLO’S 300 FOLLOWERS SPECIAL✨🌸
LETS GET PERSONAL!
1. what’s your full name?
No
2. when’s your birthday?
November 26
3. what does your URL mean?
I like psychology and I like thinking about crushes
4. who’s your celebrity crush? T
om Hiddleston
5. are you single or taken?
Taken
6. rant. let it all out babe.
Fuck jobs fuck capitalism
7. are you named after anyone?
My grandmother
8. do you have or want children? if so, how many?
Possibly, if so then 2
9. do you relate to any fictional characters?
Yeah, several. The ones that come to mind are Gatsby and Queen Regina
10. do you have any plants?
Yes
11. what are you currently wearing?
A jumper
12. describe your aesthetic in emojis.
I’m on my laptop lol, not gonna try to do a survey on my phone
13. do you have any bad habits?
Oh yes. Procrasting, instant gratification, being late, eating like crap, obsessing over stuff
14. what’s your sexuality?
Mostly straight
15. what’s the last song you sang?
Currently singing The Rose Song from HSMTMTS
16. what are your favorite colors?
Pink, green, blue
17. are you and introvert, ambivert, or extrovert?
Ambivert
18. describe your current mood in emojis.
Again, laptop
19. is there anyone you’d do anything for?
Probably not anything
20. what fascinates you?
Random stuff, currently chemistry, music, crafts, and space
21. favorite artists?
Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo
22. what outfit makes you feel confident?
Fancy dresses
23. favorite flower?
Idk
24. favorite season?
Fall
25. favorite tv show/movie?
TV show: Friends. Movie: Back to the Future
26. what do you like in a person?
Sense of humor, easy to talk to, common interests, attractive
27. least favorite color?
Idk maybe like muddy yellow
28. first crush?
Aidan in kindergarten
29. how long do you usually sleep?
When I don’t set an alarm, till like 1pm
30. what celebrity do people say you look like?
None really. I think I look like Lea Michele but I’m probably not that pretty
31. favorite scent?
Citrus
32. do you have/want any pets? if so, how many?
I don’t have any currently, I have had 4 cats and I want to get another cat
33. what color is your hair naturally? if you could dye it any color, what would it be?
Brown, I want to try a red ombre
34. do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Pretty good
35. do you take a yearly vacation?
No
36. what is your biggest fear?
Spiders
37. what do you wear to bed?
PJs or a nightgown
38. best memory?
Idk
39. best feeling you’ve ever experienced?
Probably when everyone liked my video or jokes, or when a crush likes me back
40. best gift you’ve ever received?
Half of the cost of my car
41. what’s your skincare routine?
Wash it once a day, rinse face twice a day, moisturize
42. favorite book?
Harry Potter
43. favorite song?
All Too Well by Taylor Swift
44. favorite album?
It changes a lot, currently Sour by Olivia Rodrigo
45. share your playlist or a playlist you love!
Nah
46. dream destination?
I’d like to visit Ireland
47. best subject? favorite subject, least favorite?
Best was probably math, favorites were science and arts, least favorite was english
48. do you prefer baggy, loose, or tight clothes?
Semi-loose but with some form
49. punk or pastel?
Pastel
50. search your name + core on pinterest & make a moodboard!
Nah
51. if you could travel back to any time period, what would it be & why?
Medieval because i think it’s cool
52. do you have any piercings?
Just my ears
53. do you have any tattoos?
No
54. do you have any siblings?
No
55. are your parents together or divorced?
Divorced
56. do you have any stepparents or step-siblings?
No
57. are your parents strict?
My mom was kinda
58. do you have a set bedtime?
No lol
59. what state do you live in?
Colorado
60. what are your sun, moon, & rising signs?
Idk, I just know I’m a sagittarius
61. do you share any traits with your signs?
Idk, they’re pretty generic so that everyone feels like it describes them
62. what’s a song that gets you going?
Depends on my mood
63. sweet or sour?
Sweet
64. soft or hard tacos?
Idk, I don’t eat tacos too much
65. what color are your bedroom walls?
Pink and green
66. the color/design of your bedsheets?
Turquoise
67. favorite thing to drink out of?
A glass
68. socks or bare feet around the house?
Bare feet
69. favorite board game?
Lately Dead of Winter
70. favorite video games?
Among Us, Detroit Become Human
71. do you sleep with the fan on or off?
On
72. do you sing in the shower?
Yes
73. favorite song to belt at the top of your lungs when alone?
Satisfied from Hamilton
74. last thing you cried to?
Being stressed over job hunting
75. have you tried any alcoholic beverage before?
Yes
76. gum or breath mints?
Gum
77. favorite pair of shoes you own?
The pink wedges
78. how many pairs of shoes do you own?
Way too many, probably like 30 at least
79. what is the natural state of your hair?
A little wavy
80. have you had braces? if yes, how long?
Yes, for 4 years
81. makeup or natural?
Makeup
82. are you a competitive person?
I can be
83. favorite pasta dish?
Pasta with cheese
84. favorite kind of chips?
Ruffles cheddar and sour cream
85. talk about something your passionate about!
Idk if I’m passionate abot anything
86. what are some of your hobbies?
Crafts, DnD, shopping
87. do you drink coffee? if so, how do you like it?
No
88. favorite kind of pizza?
White pizza with pineapple
89. favorite & least favorite labels that have been put on you?
Idk what labels have been put on me
90. are you religious?
No
91. were you raise religious?
Not really
92. what shoe size do you wear?
7.5-8
93. heroes or villains?
Depends on the character
94. favorite vegetable?
Corn
95. least favorite vegetable?
Broccoli probably
96. favorite dessert?
Chocolate
97. do you play any sports?
No
98. can you swim? if so, when did you learn how to?
Yes, when I was little
99. tell a funny story!
Idk
100. what job would you be terrible at?
Doctor or politician
101. what’s your favorite compliment to give?
Compliment their clothing or accessories
102. has your opinion changed on something recently?
I’m evaluating my opinion on how cautious I need to be for covid
103. favorite physical feature about yourself?
Maybe eyes
104. what’s your favorite physical feature about someone else?
I look most at faces
105. what’s something you would rate 10/10?
Galavant
106. heels or flats?
Heels
107. what’s something you had more knowledge about?
Does this mean wish you had? If so then chemistry
108. would you want to be famous?
I’d want to maybe be known by name but not by face
109. what’s something you would get arrested for?
Pirating TV shows
110. are you a planner or spontaneous person?
A mix
111. what do you hope never changes?
Being friends with my best friends
112. what are your pronouns?
She/her
113. are you a feminist?
For the most part
114. what’s your hogwarts house?
Hufflepuff
115. myers briggs personality type?
Idk, it changes every time
116. who’s your favorite superhero?
Idk maybe Thor
117. favorite villain?
Loki
118. marvel or dc?
Marvel
119. what’s an assumption everyone makes about you that’s not 100% true?
In school people thought I was bookish and didn’t care about parties or boys or that kind of stuff, and now that I’m out of school people think I’m ditzy and probably not that smart
120. favorite bands?
Taylor Swift
121. if you could meet one celebrity, who & why?
Taylor Swift because I like her music and I think we would get along
122. have you watched porn before?
A little
123. favorite disney movie?
Hercules, Aladdin, or Tangled
124. favorite disney princess?
Rapunzel
125. favorite disney prince?
Hercules or Aladdin
126. favorite disney couple?
Rapunzel and Eugene
127. star wars or star trek?
Star Wars
128. top five movies?
Back to the Future, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Timer, The Imitation Game, Tangled
129. top five songs?
All Too Well, In a Crowd of Thousands, Traitor, Me and the Sky, Satisfied
130. top five ships?
Idk. Currently I’m enjoying Gina and EJ from HSMTMTS
131. how gay are you?
Just a little bit, I have occasional crushes on girls but I don’t think I’d want to date a girl
132. scream. just let it out.
Ok
133. do you have a best friend?
Yeah
134. call or text?
text
135. what’s a song that’s been stuck in your head recently?
A lot of Olivia Rodrigo songs
136. is there a song stuck in your head right now?
Just the songs I’m listening to
137. what song(s) will you always love?
A lot of Taylor Swift and showtunes
138. what song is your current mood?
Idk, I just feel like singing
139. recommend an artist!
The girl who plays Ashlyn from HSMTMTS
140. favorite meme song?
They’re Taking the Hobbits to Isengard
141. a song you hate that everyone loves?
I Like It by Cardi B
142. an artist you refuse to listen to?
Most rappers
143. what’s you “big gay mood” song?
Idk, I Kissed a Girl?
144. favorite lyrics?
“You call me up again just to break me like a promise / So casually cruel in the name of being honest” from All Too Well
145. what lyrics would you get tattooed on any part of your body?
I wouldn’t
146. shuffle your music & share the result!
Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba
147. what’s your favorite love song?
In a Crowd of Thousands
148. ultimate song to clean to?
Through the Fire and the Flames by Dragonforce
149. if you could collaborate with one musician, who & why?
Taylor Swift because she gets me
150. what song makes you cry?
Soon You’ll Get Better by Taylor Swift
151. what would be your theme song?
Blank Space
152. what’s a strange phobia you have?
Spiders aren’t that strange, so fear of having accidentally shoplifted
153. did you have an emo phase?
No
154. did you have a greek mythology phase?
Just a little
155. roman or greek mythology?
Greek
156. who’s your godly parent & which god/goddess are you?
Idk
157. how do you handle your anger?
Yell, slam things
158. most attractive singer of the opposite gender?
Ramin Karimloo
159. most attractive singer of the same gender?
Hayden Panettiere
160. what time is it?
12:03am
161. do you have any nicknames?
Star
162. what’s a song that always makes you happy whenever you hear it?
In a Crowd of Thousands
163. which swear word do you use the most!
Fuck
164. five ways to win your heart?
Sense of humor, sing duets, do creative stuff, tease me, pay attention to me
165. five pet peeves?
Mouth sounds, people who think strong female characters can’t have love interests, people giving me unsolicited advice, people wearing their mask under their nose, ghosting
166. do you have trust issues?
Maybe
167. what do you pray about?
I don’t
168. most traumatic experience?
Probably braces
169. what is your dream job?
Idk
170. if you were to be in a musical, which musical, character, & other cast members would you have?
I would love to play Angelica in Hamilton
171. who would play you in a movie about your life?
Lea Michele
172. what’s your favorite thing about your significant other?
Sense of humor
173. favorite fictional character?
Kelsier from Mistborn
174. post a picture of yourself!
Nah
175. what’s your favorite pet name?
I don’t really like generic pet names that much
176. what makes you feel like a horrible person?
Not caring enough about people
177. when did you realize your sexuality?
It was always kind of assumed, but started thinking I might be a little bi a couple years ago
178. when was your first kiss?
When I was 18
179. expose your parents. that’s right. expose them. they deserve it.
My mom is overly cautious and doesn’t know how to pick her battles, my dad is a bit annoying
180. a phrase that breaks your heart?
Depends on the context
181. when did you come out?
I didn’t
182. how did you come out?
I didn’t
183. who knows you’re out?
I’m straight
184. what’s your lucky number?
Idk
185. how tall are you?
5′6″
186. favorite word?
finnicky
187. are you right handed or left handed?
Right handed
188. do you have an accent?
American
189. first word that comes to mind when you hear ‘heart’?
Beat
190. what’s something you’re proud of?
I made a funny meme in the work group chat the other day
191. do you like where you live?
I like the area, but I don’t like living at my dad’s house
192. when you’re older, do you want to move to a different place?
Yeah
193. do you play any instruments?
Clarinet
194. how long is your hair?
To my boobs
195. what’s the meaning of your name?
Star
196. give an unpopular opinion & let your followers attack you or be salty.
People shouldn’t be cancelled for one shitty opinion, and consuming their work doesn’t mean you support all their beliefs or even like them as a person
197. do you support the lgbtq+ community?
Yes
198. who were you supporting for the 2020 election?
Biden
199. opinion on abortion?
Pro-choice
200. opinion on the death penalty?
Against it
201. opinion on reverse racism?
It’s not the same
202. post your screen time for this week.
Like all damn week lol
203. have you ever talked to a celebrity?
Yes, I met Channing Tatum and got a picture with him
204. what was your first concert?
Demi Lovato
205. how long do you keep your bra on?
All day
206. what’s your bra size?
36D last time I got one
207. give a tour of your room (video).
nah
208. how many photos are in your camera roll?
2990
209. what is the most recent movie/show you downloaded on disney+?
Phil of the Future
210. do you like documentaries?
Occasionally if it’s an interesting subject, but it’s not my favorite genre
211. what’s your favorite musical?
Wicked
212. who’s your favorite non-broadway actor/ actress?
Benjamin Bonenfant
213. who’s your favorite broadway actor/actress?
Ramin Karimloo
214. what’s the song you’re currently listening to?
A Dancer’s Heart
215. drop your most recent picture!
Nah
216. do you have a record player?
No
217. how many records do you have?
None
218. show your records!
None to show
219. do you plan on going to college? if so, where?
I went to my state school
220. talk about someone without telling who.
They used to wear light up sneakers
221. talk about something you hate.
I hate tomatoes and everything made out of them
222. have you been to therapy?
Yes
223. what color are your eyes?
Brown
224. what color are your parents’ eyes?
Hazel for my mom, Hazel-green for my dad
225. what color are you significant other’s eyes?
Hazel
226. how old were you when you had your first kiss?
18
227. do you have a favorite parent?
No, they are good in different ways
228. are your grandparents still alive?
Just my maternal grandma
229. drop 10 songs & let your followers tell you if you have taste or not.
That’s too much work
230. how many followers do you have on twitter & instagram?
Like 3 probably lol
231. are you the eldest, middle, or youngest sibling?
Only child
232. do you have a specific daytime routine?
Work
233. how often do you go to the doctor’s?
When I need to
234. have you had any surgeries?
Yes, for my canine and wisdom teeth, and to get part of my thyroid removed
235. do you wear glasses?
Yes
236. do you prefer unsweetened iced tea or sweetened iced tea?
Sweetened
237. do you have a “type”?
Yes lol. I like a lot of types but my “type” that I fall for a lot is light skin, dark hair, blue eyes, "golden boy”/big personality
238. what’s your significant other’s astrology sign?
I think Sagittarius
239. drop 5 blogs you love.
Idk
240. do you think you’re like any celebrity (personality wise)?
Maybe Taylor Swift in some ways
241. are you a “popular kid”?
No
242. what are your school’s colors?
Black and gold
243. what’s your school’s mascot?
Buffalo
244. how many irl friends do you have?
Idk
245. who was your least favorite teacher?
My camera workshop instructor
246. favorite teacher?
My 7th grade math teacher, my freshman year words and music professor, and my junior year film professor
247. drop a picture of your closet.
Nah
248. how many awards do you have?
Idk, a handful
249. what’s one award you’re proud of?
The dean’s list
250. do you take naps?
I try not to
251. what’s something people always ask you when you first meet?
What’s your name?
252. favorite fast food restaurant?
McDonalds or Wendy’s
253. favorite place to dine in?
Rueben’s
254. mexican or chinese food?
Mexican
255. chinese or japanese food?
Chinese
256. mexican or japanese food?
Mexican
257. olive garden’s breadsticks or texas roadhouse’s yeast rolls?
Breadsticks
258. garlic bread or breadsticks?
Garlic bread
259. plain garlic bread or cheesy garlic bread?
Depends on my mood
260. chicken or steak?
Chicken
261. favorite meal?
Pasta
262. drop a recipe!
I don’t really cook
263. how do you like your steak cooked?
I don’t
264. what would your last meal be?
Pasta
265. are you allergic to anything?
Beeswax I think
266. cats or dogs?
Cats but I like both
267. favorite genre of music?
Showtunes
268. favorite fan fic trope?
Fake dating probably or needing each other for survival
269. favorite tv show genre?
Sci-fi or sitcom
270. what’s your favorite cover/cover a band or artist has or should do?
Disturbed cover of The Sound of Silence
271. how often do you write songs?
I haven’t since I was a kid
272. how many finished songs do you have?
Idk like 5
273. do you write your songs in your notes or in a journal?
I just came up with them
274. how long have you been writing?
I don’t really write
275. how long have you had your account?
Since like 2013 or 14
276. what was your first URL?
shineslikestars17
277. if you could change your name, what would it be?
Star
278. what would you like to name your children?
Shane or Eric for a boy, Phoenix for a girl
279. what are your parents’ & sibling’s names?
I don’t have siblings, I don’t feel like sharing my parents names
280. are your parents democratic or republican?
Democrativ
281. do you have more in common with your mom or dad?
Both in different ways
282. are you & your siblings close?
I don’t have any
283. how close are you and your siblings in age?
I don’t have any
284. are any of your siblings married?
I dont have any
285. do you have any nieces or nephews?
No
286. do your parents have any siblings?
My mom has a sister and my dad has a brother
287. do you have any cousins?
Yes
288. do you look more like your mom or dad?
Both
289. how old were you when you started your period?
13 I think
290. have you lost your virginity?
Yes
291. who took your concert virginity?
My what?
292. who took your musical virginity?
My what?
293. scream again. everyone needs to.
Ok
294. do you have any collections?
Kinda, lately I’ve been collecting dice
295. what’s on your nightstand?
Water, lotion, advil, phones, chapstick, purell
296. how do you usually style your hair?
Down or ponytail
297. do you play games on your phone?
Sometimes
298. are you hydrated?
Yes
299. have you breathed enough today?
I assume so since I am still conscious
300. are you thankful for anything?
I know I have a lot of privilege
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hi kids ! wow , we’re already at opening and that’s so crazy ! i’m kofi , your co - admin , and i’m so excited that you guys are here ! i’m 23 , from the est tz , prefer she / they pronouns and i graduate from college in a little more than seven months ... yikes . that being said , i’m ready to introduce you guys to my latest muse , who may have huge development changes as we go on because of him being brand new , mr . saint moon ! he’s um ... something of a mess and idk if i love or hate him yet , but i’m happy to plot with ya’ll on my d.iscord @ 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐲.#4090 !
( lee juyeon , 22 , cis male , he / him ) * fun fact about me ? okay , let’s see . . . an injury stopped my promising olympic career . crazy , right ? i’m saint moon , i live in the contemporary new build with a three thousand square foot outdoor patio on ocean lane in key biscayne , & not to brag , but my family’s worth around $740 million . pretty decent for real estate and construction developers , huh ? we’ve been around for some time , but in town , everyone’s always associated me with the gatsbys ; but it’s not like that’s my whole identity , or anything . while filming for key biscayne , it was surprising when i’d get dragged on twitter for being “ errant , impetuous , & rancorous , ” but the cameras don’t see everything , & my real fans know that i’m nothing but coolheaded , venturesome , & enamoring . i’m not too bothered by it though , because since the series ended , i’ve opened a highly successful café in south korea and planning to expand to the states . follow me on instagram @SNT.MN to keep up .
name : saint moon .
nickname(s) : none .
age + date of birth : 22 + july 19th , 1998 .
astrological sign : cancer .
myers - briggs personality type : infj .
enneagram type : the individualist .
moral alignment : chaotic neutral .
gender + pronouns : cis man + he / him / his .
place of birth : gangnam , south korea .
place of residence : key biscayne , florida .
sexual orientation : bisexual .
romantic orientation : biromantic .
occupation : former reality star / instagram influencer / café owner .
nationality : korean .
ethnicity : korean .
language(s) spoken : korean , english , japanese , and learning mandarin .
social media handle : @SNT.MN
THE BACKSTORY .
saint’s story starts when his parents , moon ji - ho and park soo - ah went on their first date . in truth , it had been a rare instance of love at first sight when they bumped into each other at ji - ho’s office in seoul , and the date was only used to solidify their feelings . you see , ji - ho and soo - ah were fairly well known with ji - ho being the second heir to moon industries alongside his sister , moon eun - ha . moon industries was founded in the 1940s , and is known primarily for their real estate and construction business . the company was founded in seoul , and originally started out by purchasing and renovating beautiful homes and condominiums within the city . after thirty years in the business , ji - ho and eun - ha’s father was one of the first in south korea to reach the status of billionaire .
ji - ho and soo -ah were looking to forge their own path , though . although they were lucky enough to have wealthy parents , both of them have always liked the idea of working for themselves and getting their hands dirty . so , they refused ji - ho’s father’s investment and decided to start their own real estate firm . they went through the process of obtaining their real estate license in both south korea and the united states , specifically in florida . after studying hard , they were able to open moon real estate , and it was a hassle for them . they initially ‘ struggled ’ seeing as though they were their only employees , and soon , soo - ah discovered that she was pregnant with their son .
for four years , they worked hard with their bumbling baby boy , saint , crawling at their feet and curiously looking at home or building buyers . for a long time , they considered saint to be their closer as he was the selling point and allowed people to hold him while looking at the home . usually , soo - ah would use saint as a marketing ploy whenever they were trying to sell to young couples , and it always worked . the moons became known for saint syndrome , where those same young couples would typically call to say that they were expecting within a year of buying their home . it only took a few years , but the moons were soon raking in their own money without the help of ji - ho’s father .
when saint was six , his family relocated to key biscayne , florida . life was easy living on the water , and his parents continued to sell gorgeous homes both in seoul and in the wealthy neighborhoods of florida . with such a lifestyle , it wasn’t unheard of for saint to excel at his private school , where he was known for his academic prowess as well as his ability to play both the piano and the cello . saint was a fairly popular student while growing up , and it showed when the moons would host their annual christmas party .
he was fourteen when he finally started to understand the rivalry between thoroughbreds and gatsbys . originally , he put off like he didn’t care , but in reality he was trying to figure it out . the moons were a special case , considering that ji - ho was clearly an heir to a billion dollar fortune , but also had become wealthy in his own right thanks to his business with his wife . saint never understood that jabs and jeers that he would receive from thoroughbreds , because to him , they were all rich so what the hell did it matter ? he eventually began to side more with the gatsbys , never understanding why the thoroughbreds felt as though they needed to stick their noses up in the air at them .
within two years , though , saint seems to have changed for the worse . while his grades may be good , he begins to spend more time with new friends in miami . while there , he surrounds himself with fast cars and short nights , but he thinks it’s his parents’ fault for buying him a 488 spider for his sixteenth birthday . saint began to get into trouble , often pulled over for speeding and reckless driving to impress his friends . like always , a star is meant to fall , and it all came crashing down for saint when he thought that drag racing on u.s. route 1 was a good idea . he assumed that he could lose the cops , but he was stupid for ever thinking so -- he totaled the $1.3m dollar car , and after being treated for minor injuries , he was booked in the county jail .
having rich parents seems to be all fun and games considering they were barely able to get him out with a slap on the wrist , but that very same night they sent him away on a business plane to live with his no - nonsense grandparents . for the first year , saint pouted and argued , screamed and kicked over being trapped in seoul . he tried to escape the fortress of a house in pyeongchang , attempted to ditch his security guards when he went out in public , but he eventually realized that there was no getting out of this . so , he made the most out of it : he finished school , and during his senior year with the help of his grandparents , saint opened goodnight moon , a late night café that appealed to college students and late workers in need of a coffee and pastry pick me up . the café went viral , and so did the handsome owner .
he returned home when he was twenty , and discovered that key biscayne was filming . as the resident who suddenly disappeared , saint was sought after by the producers and was introduced mid - way through the second season .
THE SHOW .
saint and his family were not introduced on key biscayne until midway through season two . he was introduced as most table shakers would be , with a flurry of local headlines ranging from KEY BISCAYNE TEEN ARRESTED FOR DRAG RACING and HOW MONEY GETS YOU OUT OF A JAIL SENTENCE . his parents didn’t like the idea of being on a reality series , so they weren’t featured although there were a few scenes with them .
he was the reality show villain and you can’t tell me otherwise ! showed up with an air of what the fUCk ever and despite the air around him since he was arrested and shipped back to south korea , he never let that stop him ? like ofc he’s a rich boy who got away with something bc he’s rich , but it’s not that he doesn’t acknowledge it , he just chooses not to talk about it .
was definitely the subject of show cliffhangers , probably nearly got kicked off the show because of his short temperament and despite all that would still be invited to the reunions because he would always start some shit . he was very vocal about who he didn’t like on the show , and probably had good chemistry with a cast mate and fans of the show always pushed for them to become a thing ( a wc ... mayhaps 👀 ) but they were never anything more than friends .
by the end of the show , saint was that cast member that fans love to hate . he was employee of the month , and that’s on period ! gave what he was supposed to gave and was highkey problematic ( not in a bad way , but in a way where he was always the one in the middle of some shit ) and when people would question him about it ofc he didn’t care KFNDSJBFS .
THE PERSONALITY .
a little shit . that’s it . that’s all you need to know . although he’s standoffish , still has his insecurities because he’s not the ‘ perfect ’ son that his parents pushed for him to be . very much so the black sheep of the family , and is deemed as a lost cause by his thespian of a mother , so he figures that he might as well live up to that name . comes across as someone who genuinely doesn’t care , and he doesn’t KFDBJSFSD . sometimes only looks out for himself which adds more sand into the asshole bin , and he hates being asked ‘ dumb ’ questions . it’s a pet peeve that his mom thinks he picked up from his father .
THE HEADCANONS .
he does not want to be your friend KFNDSFUS . he can be very standoffish just to get that point across , and he doesn’t interact with people outside of a chosen few .
can be wildly off putting and while someone else may be afraid of confrontation , he isn’t ! might be the subject of bar brawls and minor scraps because he genuinely does not know how to shut the hell up .
hates walnuts ; idk why that’s important but it is . serve him something with walnuts in it and he’ll never talk to you again .
romantically and emotionally stunted , therefore he bides his time with casual sex and noncommittal acts of romance . can be found slipping out of beds in the middle of the night , never returns texts , and at times will pretend that he doesn’t know who the other person is ( ew ! ) .
a chaotic boy with a heart of gold , he just doesn’t show it and has mastered the art of being fake .
despite his repulsion of romance and relationships , he’ll flirt with anyone that has a pair of legs , and he quite honestly might call someone daddy just for the hell of it KNFDH .
probably posts those outfit thirst traps on instagram reels or tik tok bc he’s annoying .
THE CONNECTIONS .
an angsty ex boyf 👀 if i have to BEG for it i will ! and i promise to make you cry xD
a best friend pls ! someone who has been friends with him since before he was shipped back to korea for a few years so when he came back and was on the show , they were THE dynamic duo .
i’ve been really into his plot but someone he works out with ? maybe they don’t work out together per say , but they’re somehow always at the community gym at the same time .
something soft ? something so sweet that it would make my teeth rot ? could either be a boyfriend or girlfriend thing or tbh i don’t know but i’m literally looking for something that’s all fluff and all marshmallows and if i don’t get it then i’ll cry .
a plot where they full on hate each other . none of that cute shit KNFDNFHSD . no lingering feelings , no moments of hate lapse -- they hate each other and it’s a spicy hate ship that literally gets your blood pumping .
SKINNY LOVE ARE YOU THERE ?
his hoodrat friends NFDJNHFBD i’m kidding but i’m thinking like ... a billionaire boys club type of thing ? perhaps the five of them get together and ppl try to penetrate the group or they have these instances where ppl straight up hate them for no reason ? they were probably the TALK of the show bc thought they were assholes KNFDJBFBD idk either way , my hand is out . ( 1 of 4 spots filled )
a one night stand with some substance ? like yeah , they fuck around and they have their fun together but they don’t pretend to not know each other in public ( unless this person is a thoroughbred and i oop , chile ) so they probs tend to be a little like confidants at times but also have a tendency of shutting each other up with sex .
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Upon further reflection, for AP English classes I guess it’d be helpful to have an arsenal of books that you can use for your essays. I know it is wayyy too late to reccomend any books right now since we’re on the verge of the AP exams but here’s the books that I’ve read either in high scool or middle school but were still usable for essays
Middle School
Animal Farm
Romeo and Juliet (idk when this would be applicable but you an never go wrong in Shakespeare?)
Othello (this one had a bit of a racist undertone, but yknow, it was the 17th century)
Freshman Year (English 1)
The Bluest Eye (tw for a very graphic sexual assault scene, not sure why the teacher had us read it. Toni Morrison’s kinda weird about that stuff.)
Zeitoun (idk about this one I heard the author abused his wife)
Farenheight 451 (I also read this one in 6th grade as a gift from my English teacher)
Metamorphosis (that book where this dude turns into a bug and his family treats him like shit)
Sophmore Year (was taking AP Lang)
Native Son (not sure what specificly happened but there were at least two graphic murders)
Krik? Krak!
Macbeth
The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao (tw for sexual assault)
The Great Gatsby (tw for...car accidents and a shooting death)
Their Eyes Were watching God (I don’t remember the specific tws for this one but there was some domestic abuse going on at some point)
Junior Year (Was taking AP Lit)
The Kite Runner (spoilers but FUCK the narrator for what he did in this book fuck his “””redemption””””, tw for implied r/pe and implied pedophillia and general violence)
Song of Solomon (tw for incest because im pretty sure the main character and his love interest are cousins....)
Death of a Salesman (cannot believe I got away with using this for my exam essay)
Fences
The Grapes of Wrath
King Lear (i dont know which one was worse in death toll, this one or Macbeth)
Senior Year
The Women of Brewster Place (tw for a graphic r/pe scene and lesbophobia)
Drown (tw for implied sexual assault and homophobia specifically in the “Drown” chapter)
Another Country (tw for internalized homophobia and domestic abuse)
TopDog Underdog (it’s a play but they let it slide for AP Lit so go nuts)
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the ultimate tag
tagged by @marculees, thank you darling!! 💕
— personal
name: emma
nickname: em, amsel
birthday: 23 september
zodiac: virgo
nationality: german and irish
languages: i'm bilingual, so fluent in german and english
gender: female
sexuality: bi? pan? idk
height: 168cm aka 5ft 6'
— blog stuff
inspiration or muse: umm, other art or just split seconds where the world looks like a film, if that makes sense? like just a moment where i want to capture that vibe or feeling
meaning behind my url: some of my best memories are from summer storms when i was running and twirling and dancing barefoot in the rain, i remember those kind of moments throughout my life and they were always very happy
blog established: november 2016
followers: 793
— favs
favourite animals: cats, foxes, swallows
favourite books: the his dark materials series, artemis fowl, the song of the lioness (i was addicted to this series when i read it back in like 2012/13)
favourite colour: blue
favourite fictional characters: merida, lyra silvertongue, will turner, chingachgook
favourite flower: lotus, peonies
favourite scent: rain
favourite season: autumn
— random
average hours of sleep: 5-8 hours
cats or dogs: cats, most definetely. i used to be afraid of dogs but now i tolerate them
coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea!! but i like all three from time to time :)
current time: 02:19 pm
dream trip: i dunno. somewhere at the sea with cliffs/mountains to hike, and where it's rather cool. so like scandinavia or something. i'd love to go to korea and japan and new zealand at some point, though
dream job: maybe a writer? or an actor? or a singer? or an architect?
hobbies: writing, singing, taking walks, archery, dancing, cooking/baking...
hogwarts house: ravenclaw
last movie watched: The Great Gatsby
last song listened to: karma by demian, rn i'm listening to cassette ^^
number of blankets you sleep with: in summer just a sheet, in winter two duvets and a blanket
random fact(s): (1) i consider my greatest strenght the fact i'm usually good at everything i try without much effort, but my greatest weakness that i'm not outstandingly good at anything i do. (2) i've had diabetes type 1 since i was nine years old (3) i'm not very good at superficial small talk because i will randomly say deep stuff and derail the whole conversation
i'm tagging @on-goingcrisis @igenll and @sunshine-jaehyun if you wanna do it :)
#hmm this was fun and it was done pretty quickly the part where i had to think longest was favourite fictional characters because like...#there's so many ahh#:')#tag game#the ultimate tag
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extra elongated tag game
tagged by @gohyuck my love
tagging: @kwantified @honeyyu @jensungf @renjunwrites @neo-shitty @suingjaehyun
O N E
tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?
okay so my ult group is nct and I can’t remember what song exactly but i remember not being a stan and LOVING back 2 u so much that I had to look into nct
for bts is was serendipity and blood sweat & tears
ateez was pirate king bc we stanned since debut 😔✊
T W O
rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!
favorite item of clothing?
I own a lot of hoodies but my fav is my dark gray we go up hoodie and it’s big n comfy....yeah
if you had to smell like one scent for the rest of your life what would it be?
I think I would want to smell like vanilla or lavender
favorite painter? why?
frida kahlo bc she embraced everything about herself and did wonderful self portraits
what’s your favorite horror movie (and if you don’t like horror, why not?)?
I don’t like jumpscares so most horror is not to my taste....however give a psychological horror and I’ll go off ab how much I love it (like idk if it’s considered horror but ‘a cure for wellness’ anyone???)
iphone or android?
iPhone dude
favorite tiktok trend (and if you don’t like tiktok, you can talk about how much influencers suck)?
i only go on tiktok for the kpop content I don’t know trends,,,,also can be talk about how most influencers on that app manipulate literal children into giving them money?? for doing absolutely nothing??
if you could wake up with any new ability what would it be?
the ability to read others emotions and make them happy no matter what (call me a corny ass bitch but it’s true)
favorite superhero/supervillain/antihero?
people consider her a ‘villain’ so I’m saying maleficent (from the movie maleficent) bc ??? she fell in love with a man and he fuckin just,,,,did her so dirty and left her broken-hearted and cut off her wings like ??? hell I’d be mad too I’d curse the little ass baby he had with another woman just as fast as she did. also how about that character development??? she cursed aurora but always looked out for her and eventually came to love her?? and that’s the kiss that broke the spell and woke aurora up?? call that motherly love we stan
if you could only dress in one color for the rest of your life which color would it be?
realistically black is prob the way I would go but gray is also a valid option
who’s your ult and give me five reasons why.
oof y’all already know it’s my boy lee donghyuck
1. his vocals??? the vocals alone are enough reason to stan
2. his dancing??? he is so incredibly talented and I love watching him move
3. his hardwork and dedication to his career, like he loves what he does so much and I love seeing him shine (but also like, pls let him sit the fuck down for a sec)
4. his aura and personality !!!!! is just so loveable !!! he brightens the room with his mood-making personality and I’m just in love with him god
5. okay okay now I’ll touch on the fact that he’s so fucking handsome??? a visual king ???? look at that face, look at those legs, JUST LOOK AT HIS BODY PROPORTIONS. PERFECT.
my questions:
what is your favorite memory from your childhood?
If you could travel anywhere in the world with just a snap of your fingers, where would you go and why?
describe your personality in three (3) words.
what is your favorite thing that you have ever read? (anything you’ve ever read counts! fanfiction, poems, novels etc.) why?
are you the studying type of person or the type to just ‘wing it’ when you have a big test coming up?
between bold colors and pastel colors, which do you prefer?
do you live life in the moment or do you plan every action you take?
what is your favorite holiday and why? (all holidays count! across all religions and cultures 😄)
would you rather stay up to stargaze in the middle of the night or wake up early to watch the sunrise?
what is your favorite eye color on another person?
T H R E E
rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.
AIR ༉⋆͙̈
i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me
FIRE ༉⋆
i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing
WATER ༉⋆͙̈
i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words
EARTH ༉⋆͙̈
i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life
AETHER ༉⋆͙̈
i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally
F O U R
the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better!
PERSONAL
name: samantha
nickname: sam
birthday: march 9
zodiac: pisces sun
nationality: american
languages: english, currently learning korean
gender: female
sexuality: pansexual :)
height: 5’2” (157 cm)
BLOG STUFF
inspiration for muse: music, tv, movies
meaning behind my url: hyuck is doin too much he’s gotta just give me a break and wAIT A SEC = waithyuck
blog established: 2020 but I’ve been on tumblr since 2015
followers: 791
FAVORITES
favorite animals: pigs, cats, dogs, snakes
favorite books: lord of the flies, the great gatsby, hamlet even tho it wasn’t technically a book
favorite color: yellow, orange, pink
favorite fictional characters: gilbert blythe, prince zuko from atla idk who else
favorite flower: sunflowers, carnations, roses
favorite scent: vanilla, citrus, lavender
favorite season: spring or fall
RANDOM
average hours of sleep: like 4-5
cats or dogs: both
coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate
current time: 2:23 p.m.
dream trip: seoul, rome, greece in general, london, dublin
dream job: teaching english as a second language, linguist, translator
hobbies: writing, drawing, singing
hogwarts house: hufflepuff
last movie watched: burlesque lmao
last song listened to: kick it - nct 127
no. of blankets you sleep with: 1
random fact(s): my fingers are double jointed lmaO idk
F I V E
10 things i can’t stop listening to
slow down - chase atlantic
watermelon sugar - harry styles
to die for - sam smith
we go up - nct dream
blue side - j-hope
god’s menu - stray kids
inception - ateez
love me right - rendezvous at two
renegade - aaryan shah
HER - chase atlantic
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luca ✧
BASICS.
FULL NAME : luca kalevi (formerly ra’luca oroh) NICKNAME : n/a AGE : 29 BIRTHDAY : 5/10 ETHNIC GROUP : seeker miqo’te NATIONALITY : ilsabardian LANGUAGE / S : eorzean (fluent), thavnairian (passable), hingan (proficient) SEXUAL ORIENTATION : bisexual RELATIONSHIP STATUS : widowed HOME TOWN / AREA : garlemald CURRENT HOME : frequently bounces between ul’dah & kugane PROFESSION : former trophy wife, currently without purpose
PHYSICAL.
HAIR : deep brown EYES : blue FACE : high cheekbones; curved nose; eye makeup often smudged LIPS : full; bearing marks of frequent biting COMPLEXION : olive-toned; bags under eyes BLEMISHES : hands are slightly raw SCARS : prominent scars of varying types on back, thighs, & wrists/forearms TATTOOS : n/a HEIGHT : 5 fulms, 2 ilms WEIGHT : 140 ponzes BUILD : chubby; curvy; pear-shaped FEATURES : third “eye” on forehead: an elaborate tattoo whose “iris” seems to be some sort of aetherically-imbued stone; darkened hands/forearms; small, black dots under eyes; triangular, tufted ears; thick eyebrows ALLERGIES : n/a USUAL HAIR STYLE : long, wavy hair often tied up or elaborately braided USUAL FACE LOOK : light makeup & contouring; heavy mascara; smudged eyeliner USUAL CLOTHING : luca’s attire is always of fine, masterly-woven fabrics; that being said, she prefers forgoing pants the majority of the time
PSYCHOLOGY.
FEAR / S : death; being trapped ASPIRATION / S : to find happiness living on her own terms POSITIVE TRAITS : compassionate, clever, & charitable NEGATIVE TRAITS : tendency to go apeshit, fearful, & distrusting MAJOR ARCANA : the wheel of fortune ZODIAC : pisces, the fish TEMPERAMENT : phlegmatic SOUL TYPE : the server ANIMAL : rabbit VICE HABIT / S : dermatophagia, among many other nervous tics FAITH : a devout follower of nald’thal, often seen in or around the ossuary, especially during religious ceremonies GHOSTS ? : yes AFTERLIFE ? : yes REINCARNATION ? : she certainly hopes not POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : privately pro-nanamo, publicly pro-monetarist EDUCATION LEVEL : well-educated & highly intelligent; luca is proficient in both eorzean & hingan (speaking, reading, & writing) as well as able to understand passable thavnairian; she is versed in many varying subjects & is a competent, if not timid, conversationalist
FAMILY.
FATHER : ra’oroh nunh MOTHER : ra’miha zhio SIBLINGS : many, estranged EXTENDED FAMILY : the ra tribe, estranged; the kalevi family, currently avoiding as much as possible
FAVORITES.
BOOK : various pseudo-scientific texts relating to the twelve DEITY : nald’thal HOLIDAY : none MONTH : february SEASON : winter PLACE : her small estate in shirogane, well away from the bustle & intrigue of ul’dah WEATHER : sunny & chilly SOUND / S : a murmured prayer & a softly-sung lullaby SCENT / S : fresh linen & sweet vanilla TASTE / S : copper & rolanberry FEEL / S : fine silks & sharp bone NUMBER : 4 COLORS : sky blue & occasionally warmer tones
EXTRA.
TALENTS : singing, dancing, calligraphy, harp-playing, tea-serving, etc. BAD AT : asserting herself, expressing any negative emotion whatsoever, not going apeshit TURN ONS : who even knows TURN OFFS : pretty much everything HOBBIES : reading, writing poetry, & sleeping QUOTE : “I’m sorry.”
MUN QUESTIONS.
Q1 : If you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about? A1 : gone girl already exists, my guy
Q2 : What would their soundtrack/score sound like? A2 : something sad yet ominous, with a fast-paced, anxiety-inducing part in the middle
Q3 : Why did you start writing this character? A3 : tbh i’m kind of insane and i HATE having an uneven number of male/female characters, so that’s what started it. i dug around in my bottomless bag of designs, yoinked one out, and voila--luca was born. i had some help from friends fleshing out her personality; ultimately, i wanted to try playing a morally ambiguous character who ISNT super confident/charismatic
Q4 : What first attracted you to this character? A4 : she’s an anxious mess who bottles up her feelings until she can’t take it anymore and goes totally apeshit. rinse & repeat. we LOVE a feral woman.
Q5 : Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : i don’t dislike this, per se, but her biggest flaw is definitely her shitty communication skills (in terms of conveying her true feelings/thoughts)
Q6 : What do you have in common with your muse? A6 : i, too, am an anxious mess who cannot stop biting the skin off their fingers & lips. that’s life, babey!
Q7 : How does your muse feel about you? A7 : idk dude it’s like 12am don’t make me think
Q8 : What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with? A8 : probably pushy characters with a tendency to (intentionally or unintentionally) step all over others. that would trigger her Apeshittery, which is always fun.
Q9 : What gives you inspiration to write your muse? A9 : mrs amy dunne herself from gone girl, ava from ex machina, clarice from silence of the lambs, & daisy from the great gatsby (im so sorry)
Q10 : How long did this take you to complete? A10 : :(
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