#idk maybe this is a hot take or whatever but idol groups are not 'just about the music' and fans who say that are being naive

[gamerbearmira]

Rock band au? (Inspired by your pop star au and emo Alma )

Alma - Manager

Pepa - lead singer

Isabela - Second lead singer

Camilo - Drums

Mirabel - Bassist (I just think it fits)

Alma is an emo, Pepa is a goth, Isabela is a Punk, Camilo is Grunge, and Mirabel is a Scene girl with some Kawaii/Lolita traits. The typical music they make sounds like sad/angry 2000’s rock. (Like Linkin park, Drowning pool, The white stripes, red hot chili peppers, etc.)

I feel like they tour around for 3-4 months and take the rest of the year off to be with family/finish school stuff. 

Stage names!!!?

Pepa - Thunderstorm

Isabela - Rose thorn

Camilo - Chemical Chameleon?

Mirabel - Lonesome butterfly?

INSPIRED BY MY STUPID GOOFY AUS OMG I’M CRYINGGGGG 🤭🤭🤭 IF YOU HAVE MORE LEMME KNOW RAHHHH 🦈🦈🦅🦅🦅

No, but this is so cool. I don’t know if I’ve ever said this, but I really think the Madeigals could work as a music group 😭 hence the time travel idol group/pop star au/emo Alma lol.

EARLY 2000s EDGINESS?? SO RADDDDD‼️‼️honestly I think those genres fit really well. They def went to Alma (possibly Pepa as well for the younger kids) to take inspiration from fr fr Tour makes a lot of sense, I doubt they’d do a year long tour 🚴‍♀️🚴‍♀️

I also have them a few extra roles (suggestions obv), just small ones like back up vocals for Mirabel and Camilo. I made Isabela the Lead guitarist, because a lot of those bands have an electric, plus whenever Isabela isn’t singing lead, she can play guitar. Same for Pepa, when she’s not singing lead, she could play the keyboard.

Alma is just the manager lmaoooo 💀 (possibly producer?? She was pretty big at her peak and still kinda is, and could have a company) maybe??? She does features in some songs idk

Mirabel made them kandi 🌚🌚 Alma has one, it just gets tucked under her bracelets

These are terrible but whatever. Gave Alma an actual design so that’s a win in my book 👩‍🎤

[thenukacolachallenge]

1. Does your character have good aim?

2. What would history remember your character for?

3. Does your character prefer to work in silence or with noise and of what kind?

4. Has your character ever been handcuffed or tied up?

5. Can your character cook?

6. Who did your character look up to as a child?

7. Do any of your characters have depression?

8. Who has the worst luck?

for Dee mofo

ty for the ask Goose <3

1. Does your character have good aim? Dee has pretty good aim! Her dad taught her gun use and safety from a young age. She gets in a she keeps in a safe by her bed once she's 18, and she desperately regrets not bringing it to the Upside Down lmao. I imagine she'll change that for whatever happens in s5. That being said, I think she's probably not as experienced with guns as Nancy is, as she uses hers maybe once a year just to keep herself from getting rusty before.... *gestures at the plot of the show* all that.

2. What would history remember your character for? Idk what she'd be remembered for overall, but i feel like she'd like to be remembered for doing her best to keep everyone safe from the horrors of the Upside Down. and, deep down, she probably wants to be remembered for telling Vecna to fuck himself to his face(i want this to happen but we shall see how the final season goes!). she at least got to do it to the Mind Flayer, so that was something lol

3. Does your character prefer to work in silence or with noise and of what kind? Noise, for sure! Dee almost always has music of some kind playing, be it from headphones when she's around others or on stereo when she's alone. if she's by herself or with VERY certain people(Eddie, eventually Steve and Robin), you can also catch her dancing to whatever she's got playing as she goes about her day.

4. Has your character ever been handcuffed or tied up? She's never been handcuffed by the law! She likes to brag that unlike Danny and Eddie, she's never been flat-out caught doing punk shit(being spotted is another story entirely). As for in other contexts? Probably eventually, lmao. I do headcanon Eddie as a bitchless loser, but i also headcanon that he's probably one of those dudes who, once he finally gets a girlfriend, he wants to try ALL kinds of stuff lmao. it's not off the table but i havent gotten that far yet haha

5. Can your character cook? Dee is a great cook, and makes most of the meals in both her own household(s) and in the Munson household, once she starts spending more time there. She begins bringing the Munson men Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday dinners in the first year she's in Hawkins, and it becomes a tradition going forward. She makes everything save for the turkey/ham(respectively), which are made by her dad.

6. Who did your character look up to as a child? She's always looked up to her brother the most, especially when she was younger. She definitely had a bit of younger sibling idolization going on. She's just always admired his free spirit and his bravery, and later on, once he gets more serious about growing up and not being a menace all the time, she's incredibly proud of him for choosing a career that helps others.

Also, not directly related but close enough in topic to bring up, she does have several posters/magazine clippings in her room of musicians she thinks are hot(not quitethe same as "looking up to them" but FUCK IT WHATEVER LOL). Some of them include Robert Plant, Kelly Nickels, Nikki Sixx, Dave Mustaine, Eddie Van Halen, and Jon Bon Jovi(which Eddie makes fun of her for CONSTANTLY when he finds out).

7. Do any of your characters have depression? I wouldn't necessarily say Dee has depression, but I do think she is a very lonely person when she first moves to Hawkins, and it takes quite a bit for her to open up to others, so that doesn't help much either. Becoming friends with Eddie, and eventually the younger Hawkins group(during her stint working at the arcade) and Steve and Robin(after the events of s3 obvs) helps her come out of her shell quite a bit. Thought, that does obviously change pretty dramatically with Eddie's death.

8. Who has the worst luck? I'd say Dee has pretty shit luck for the fact that she only gets about five months in canon with her and Eddie actually going steady lmao. i always have to hurt my OCs in some way :D

[sehodreamsthoughts]

yesss u get me<333

that link oop🫢🫢🤭🤭🤭 yeah i see that for him…(zhang hao) he’s something else in a positive way idk…

tbh i see matthew as a switch right and honestly more of a dom but.. idk idk he really can go either way for me.. but some idols (who i bias🤭🤭) who are definitely subby boys are bnd’s riwoo, lun8’s takuma, nowadays’ yeonwoo, and one pact’s yedam<3333 they’re all 03 liners though coincidentally just so u know, so like def legal but also def younger than some of the idols we’ve talked about but i think matthew is 02 so idk??? anyways i love them all sooo much<3333333 wanted to give them all an honourable mention idk??? OMG and cravity’s hyeongjun pls how could i forget him he reminds me of xiumin a bit n i just love him so much my pookie baby boy!!!!!!!

if u like men who scream daddy issues do u like jiwoong then too? i sound insane but he’s dilf material for sure!!! and wayv’s kun😶😶😶 (he reminds me so much of suho too and i think we both love suho, we’ve talked about that before,,,,, my literal father👀) im just name dropping idols now but also cravity’s serim is just.. u should take a look at that guy i want him BAD n all (h)ours is super new!! most of them are rly young but the leader is 03 n he gives the most Dad vibes n hes so hot plssss his name is kunho and i think you’d like the concept for their upcoming comeback it’s very dark.. idrk how to describe it though like cyberpunk maybe???

okay i’m gonna shut up about other groups now.. cuz i mainly came back here to talk more about sungchan who’s not a sweet tooth n gives u all the food he doesn’t finish.. i always come here to yap about this kink but can’t figure out how to articulate myself, it makes me so dizzy to even contemplate it but.. OKAY WARNING this might be gross n is definitely weird but i think sungchan would be obsessed with the contrast between you two if you were chubbier because he is so athletic and slender, and i think he’s a boob guy… wouldn’t be able to think straight if he could see even the outline of your breasts in your shirt, stretching the material, would go crazier if he could see your soft flesh pushing out the top, watching how it jiggles when you move and laugh and talk and eat<333333333 i think he’d like the control aspect of feeding you too because it’s like.. he can do whatever he wants to u, if he tells you to eat the rest of his snack or what he made you for dinner, you’re not supposed to say no to him, and he can see just how many times you’ve obeyed him when he sees how big you’re getting🥺🥺🥺 again with the damn pinching, and squeezing your ass or your boobs, slapping your butt whenever within arms reach of him!!! grabs your tummy to pull you closer to him or squeezes and pinches your sides just because you look so fucking soft and squishy and he just wants to manhandle you all the time because there’s just so much of you to touch now<3333 again sungchan who buys you revealing clothes and wants you to wear them because he loves seeing your skin exposed, and he tells you how pretty you look all for him<333 such an angel<33 but also sungchan who teases you when his shirt is tight on you, molding around your tummy and difficult to tug down over your thighs :(( so adorable he just has to fuck you right away, sinking into you and telling you don’t worry, he’ll just have to start buying larger shirts<333

putting myself in time out now<333

- 🥟 anon

Baby sorry for the late response I went to search for each of the boys you mentioned and got lost while watching edits 😭

Woah you really know a lot about boy groups, I didn't know any of the 03 boys you mentioned haha, the one I liked the most between them was Cravity Hyengjun, HE REMINDS ME OF XIUMIN TOO HE'S SOO CUTEEEE, I want to give him a fat smooch.

About Jiwoong, I don't know him that much 😭, when I see edits of zb1 not many of him have appeared but I'll pay him more attention to see what I think, I like that he's older than me tho, AND KUN, I LOVE KUN AHSHDSHQHSJDHEHAJSJW HE'S SO DADDY. I feel he'd scold me so good, I'm sure he'd put me in my place in a second and that's something I find so fucking attractive (yo these daddy issues are raging). Oh, and because you mentioned him, I just saw a video of that Serim guy in which he was scolding his members and I'll be honest, I didn't find him attractive at all until i saw all those boys scared... IT WAS SO HOT 🥵🥵🥵 I'll definitely search for their comeback they look like nice guys and after discovering Ateez I'm in a soft spot with boy groups again (yeah I'm in process of becoming an atiny because I've fallen in love with these guys which is really unusual of me since I mostly only follow sm groups 😭)

Goddd Sungchan Sungchan Sungchan

You know what I see too? He obliging you to not wear a bra around him... I have no idea why since I don't really see him like a boob guy, but I feel he'd love, like you mentioned, watching your boobs against the clothes??? I feel he'd love how your natural form without support looks with shirts on, not hiding anything and making obvious when you need him since your nipples get hard 😭, I feel he'd also feed you more because he wants to see that place and your tummy getting bigger and being more difficult to hide with the clothes, simply the outline of your body would drive him crazy 😭😭😭

There's even a particular moment I have in my head and it's with him staring at you finishing a snack he opened, seeing the crumbles falling over the top of your chest and waiting on you to finish so he can clean you and call you messy but he's usually the messy one making you suck him to then lift your shirts and spurt all his cum over your naked chest...

Also I don't know why this came to my mind but I see him being into chubby arms a lot too??? I feel he'd have this idea of boobs softness=plushy arms and he'd squeeze them all the time before you were finally his girlfriend, and you'd have him around you all the time grabbing your arms, walking and holding your shoulder to then trail down, and he wouldn't be able to contain himself pressing his fingers and imagining he's touching your chest 😭 idk maybe I'm just crazy 😂🤪

[neo-discourse]

Oh boy the streamer group I love them but their fans are just awful and I never wanna be in the same room/be associated with them ever.

Bro just because someone makes dick and ball jokes doesn’t mean anything about their fuking sexuality and they’re all into women at least because how many fucking ‘big toddy goth gf’/‘big ghost girl booba’/‘hot women’ jokes have I heard/have I heard them actually thirst over??

Also the fans will just dog pile anyone that says anything negative about them which annoys me more than the og statement being made if I’m being honest.

It’s like this

Someone: ‘hahaha they’re losers they don’t get 10000000 ccv and only 12000!!! Ahaha!!’

Their fans: oh my fucking god? How could you say that? Omg? *sarcastic statement about how they’re the loser for caring about ccv or whatever*

But there’s only one hater and like ten thousand people getting on their case and idk maybe it’s just me but I find it really annoying like,,, just ignore it?

And then god forbid you criticise the talent some way and in a negative way!! Oh dear lord forgive you for saying shit about a anime boy on YouTube in a tweet!! Dear lord above in heaven don’t say that theyre bad at singing or bad at what they do!! They may be able to take criticism/hate but dear lord their fans can’t

Oh now suddenly everything makes sense if I consider most of them to be those that don’t follow a religion, what do they replace it with? Good lord in heaven above how did I just realise it. It’s in the fucking brand selling point as well ‘idols’ dear lord

God gave me all of the dumb brain cells cuz he knew I’d be op with the smart brain cells >:)

The streamers fans are also definitely apart of the rainbow alphabet mafia so that’s GREAT! The Fucking calls someone a homophobe because his brother/family visits a church (Chris Pratt) brigades here

Oh and don’t forget YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT THE LGBTQIABITCH community to also enjoy these streamers! How do you know that, you may ask? I have no clue, because Twitter freak said so! I guess because the girls Yuri bait? Sometimes? Maybe the boys yaoi bait as well? Sometimes? Vague thing that is also popular in the annoying rainbow rat communities as well as in gaming communities? Could it be narcissism that only a certain type of people can like the thing because you like it and people you don’t like can’t like the thing? No clue sorry.

Are the talents openly lgbt? A few of them I think? I only know one that might be, the rest is on their roommate accounts. If they are it’s well hidden (I don’t watch their streams lol)

If you don’t know who I’m talking about at this point, good job for not being super into anime people online I guess? For having a life? For touching grass?

If u do shhhh I really don’t wanna talk with others in the fandom I need to watch more of the loony bin sad girl company at least my oshi from that corpo can’t get cancelled for playing a video game.

You ever find a streamer or whatever and you’re just ‘oh this is really cool!’ Then you find out that everyone else that likes them are the shitty K-pop fans that act like you can’t be racist against white people and that saying that something from some black or Asian culture is kinda weird is a micro aggression (for some reason but against Americans and the British it’s okay?) and now you’re just trying to enjoy the streamer while ignoring the fans but the fans are so loud and obnoxious (and super fucking rich for some reason?) and you have no clue how this streamer got these fans and you just wished that he did more streams that appealed to a different audience but you can’t because you can’t control what a streamer does but you literally can’t talk with anyone about what you like about his streams cuz everyone is fucking crazy and you just wanna talk about his streams in a normal way but there’s so much real person fan fics about him and his streaming buddies that your having flashbacks to septiplier and your scared because holy shit you don’t write fanfics about real people! Especially shipping shit!

[sanstropfremir]

what do you think makes a well balanced group. your kepler ask mentions how skills and personality is important but is there a secret formula that you think is most potent. there are groups where each member is good at a specific thing, and groups where every member is equally skilled in dancing and singing. on one hand, if a group has the dynamic where everyone is equally skilled in all aspects it may make them lackluster. but would it be appropriate if say, 1 member is a weak dancer and the strongest vocalist and vice versa the same group has a strong dancer and weak vocal. maybe this dynamic would work in a small group, but not a large one? the trouble with large groups being, if all members have the same skills no one pays attention to them, or there will always be a standout member of a large group because realistically a group with 6 members and up cant be equally skilled with z e r o quirks or differences

well. this is kind of a multi-faceted answer, because although i don't think there's a specific 'secret formula' for a perfect group, kpop already has a structure that members get slotted into that actually does work. so yes, but also no? it's complicated.

so the whole system of assigned positions is essentially the formula that makes a well balanced group. that's literally the point of each of the positions; they're there in order to organize the roles so the group is balanced. now, do companies get it right all the time? no. do fans agree with it? absolutely not. but that IS what it's there for, and, in my opinion, it does work. most of the time. i think it's stupid and naive for fans to argue for equal line distribution yadda yadda because being a vocal is not going to be everyone's strong point. a main vocal SHOULD have the majority of the singing, that's their job. a main dancer SHOULD be leading dance breaks etc, that's their job. and an assigned centre SHOULD be in centre position, because they're there to be the hook. i've talked about how centre position is important before so i won't hash over that again, but my point is that those assigned positions aren't random, they're there in order to establish a balance within a group, so that people know what your place is. it's a job description.

however, those are just general positions, and obviously not every person and group has the same distribution of skills. what actually makes a balanced group is the people in that group understanding that they need to be balanced. no group is ever going to have the same interpersonal or skill related dynamics, but if all the members understand the parts they play and work together to fill in gaps and create a unified image, that's what makes the whole thing work.

of course this also feeds into my own personal beliefs about group composition, which i think are probably uncommon: i don't think there should be any large groups at all. five is the perfect size, seven is fine, nine is the MAXIMUM. groups larger than that have difficulty maintaining focal points and also have a higher likelihood of having filler members who may be able to keep up technically, but don't do much other than bolster numbers. everyone jokes about nct being too big, but the reality is that nct almost never promotes with more than nine members in a subunit, because sm intimately knows that if a group gets too big, it gets messy. you keep the member numbers down, and all those members have more of an equal reason to be there, even if it's not 'equal' in the songs or performances. there's a lot of other things that idols do that require different skills that aren't used in performance, and those are distributed differently depending on the group.

obvs none of these are hard and fast rules, and often a lot of groups settle into shapes that go beyond their 'job descriptions' and that's fine, because they're usually working through that together. it's all about negotiation

[thomas-the-tank-engene]

Cheating On You

pairing: heeseung x (f)reader, enhypen x (f)reader platonic

Genre: slight angst maybe? Idk, fluff, happy ending,

wc: 2.5k

warnings: cheating is mentioned but it never technically occurs so \(‘’/)/

also i haven't reread this or edited it so it may make no sense lmao

a/n: i have so many exams i need to study for but instead ill write more imagines tehe

summary: heeseung and y/n broke up a while ago, but it seems like neither of them are really over it 

- inspired by Cheating On You by Charlie Puth

Heeseung and Y/N had broken up months ago, and while one seemed to be getting on with their life again, the other wasn’t having quite the same luck. To be fair, moving on from the ace of enhypen, one of BigHits legendary trainees, was no simple task. His face was always plastered on billboards or the side of buses. His voice was always echoing through the radio that played in the back of the office that Y/N worked at. She couldn’t escape him even if she tried. And although it was very clear she was still struggling six months after the break up, the same couldn’t be said for Heeseung.

She knew that searching his name on google every hour would not help her move on, but it was an addiction she couldn't stop (every hour was an exaggeration but whatever). She wanted to know that he was safe and happy. That he was okay. What she didn’t want to know was that he was with someone else. Another idol at that. 

Three hours later and Y/N now knew everything about this idol that several articles had claimed Heeseung was currently dating. She was pretty. In fact, Y/N felt her breath catch in her throat when she first saw her. She was a goddess. Her voice put angels to shame and she couldn’t think of someone more suited for a guy like Heeseung. Their kids would be unmatched.

Y/N groaned in frustration. Throwing her phone away from her and getting up out of her bed. Red numbers glaring from her alarm clock read 2.17AM. It was definitely past her bedtime. But she needed to get away. Leaving her phone behind she threw on a jacket, grabbing her keys and other essentials before leaving her small apartment and walking outside. A quick trip to the convenience store down the road would take her mind off of things. And then she could top up her cupboards with ramyeon which she had run out of the other day.

Hot breath flowered from her rosy lips as she walked. Hands sunk deep in her hoodie pocket as her eyes traced the cracks in the pavement. After a few minutes, Y/N was able to make her way to the store. She dragged her feet along the floor, following the familiar path she often took to the most important aisle of the store. However, today required a detour as an all too familiar laugh entered her ears. She looked behind her, only to find that the group of six boys had just entered the shop, and were standing in the only exit available.

Y/N was currently three aisles away from the shelf containing her first love, ramyeon. And about eleven aisles away from the exit. It was possible that she could bolt it to the final aisle, grab her long awaited lover, head around the back of the shop, run to the front counter to pay, and then sprint out of the shop, without any of them noticing her. It was possible, but not very likely. She pulled the cap sitting on her head down further, throwing her hood on for extra measure. She just had to hope they wouldn’t split up. 

Eventually, Y/N made it to the ramyeon shelf, deciding just to grab a few packets not to make the trip totally pointless, before walking down the rest of the aisle to go around the back of the shop.

The boys’ laughter bounced off the walls of the small corner store, making her heart clench with longing. She missed them all. But it hurt too much.

twelve

eleven

ten

Y/N swore she saw Sunghoon down one of the aisles with Sunoo excitedly bouncing next to him.

‘Great, they’ve split up,’

seven

six

five

With clammy hands Y/N attempted to hang onto the items in her hands, knowing that dropping them would be a fatal mistake.

three

two

one

She rounded the corner, in the hopes of being on the homestretch towards the finish line.

Hope was a dangerous thing.

There was an awfully loud clutter as Y/N fell to the ground, the food in her hands scattering around her. The other unfortunate person was slightly more lucky. Managing not to fall over but only drop a few items.

“Excuse me, I apologize for making you fall over. Are you okay?” 

Of course it was Jungwon. 

The sweetest kid in existence. 

He quickly knelt to the ground, picking up her items that seemed to be all over the place. Jay, who was standing behind him, had run around to help the poor girl who was struggling with a response. In mere seconds the two of them would look her in the eyes and realize exactly who she was.

Would they be upset? Would they be angry? How much did they even know? What had Heeseung told them?

“Y/N?” Jungwon asked, a smile blooming on his face, showing off his dimples. Well that was not the reaction she expected.

“H-hey Jungwon,” The girl replied, attempting to smile at him.

“How are you?” He beamed at her, his eyes shining as Jay helped her stand.

“I’m good,” Y/N simply responded, not wanting to reveal that she was in fact the exact opposite of ‘good’.

“That’s good then, I feel like we haven’t seen you in ages!-”

“Hey what are you guys doing?- Y/N?!” The girl turns around to see Jake and Ni-ki walking towards them, although the younger boy seems to be shaking with excitement. Once he gets close enough he pulls the girl into his arms, having missed her warmth.

Y/N is quick to wrap her arms around him, having also missed the boy who was like a younger brother to her- they all were.

“I’ve missed beating you in video games,” He mumbles, causing the girl to chuckle, attempting to stop the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

Eventually the pair let go and Y/N finds that she is now surrounded by the remaining members of Enhypen, minus the one she missed the most.

“What are you kids doing out?” She questions, raising an eyebrow and glancing down at the watch on her wrist. The girl feels all the tension and panic leave her as she finds comfort in the boys she used to call her family once again. Peace floods her heart as she sees them all happy and healthy.

“Well Heeseung had his girlfriend over so we wanted to leave them alone-” Ni-ki is abruptly cut off with a sharp elbow to his ribcage from Sunghoon, the rest of the boys sending glares his way.

Well that peace didn’t last long.

“Oh,” Is all she can offer as a reply, the air suddenly growing thicker.

“What are you doing out? Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Jungwon attempts to change the conversation, hoping to ease the pained expression on the girl's face.

“Ahhh, I ran out of the essentials.” Y/N replies, waving a packet of ramyeon causing the boys to giggle.

“We should catch up some time,” Ni-ki suggests, hopeful. Y/N nods, but knows that as much as she wants to, it would just be too painful.

After hugging each of them goodbye, the girl makes her way to the counter and leaves the store.

The boys all wait for her figure to disappear from the store window before turning to face the youngest. Eyes sharp as he pouts innocently.

“I forgot okay!” His arms raised in defense as Sunghoon once again elbows the kid.

After getting the rest of the snacks the boys leave the store, quickly making their own way home. As they enter the dorm (after successfully sneaking out earlier) they find their eldest member sitting alone on the couch, head in hands. Silence envelopes the room, signaling that the boy is alone.

“You okay hyung?” Jungwon asks, placing the shopping bag in his hands on the ground and sitting next to the older boy.

Heeseung sighs loudly, glancing up. The rest of the members head to their rooms, wanting to respect the eldest members' privacy and emotions.

“I broke up with her,” He mumbles, making Jungwon’s eyes go wide.

“Your girlfriend?” Jungwon asks for confirmation, and Heeseung nods.

“Do you know why?” The younger boy's hand begins to rub circles on Heeseung’s back as he notices his tears.

“Because I still love her,”

“Love who?” Jungwon prompts.

“Y/N,”

“wElL tHAt’S GrEat wE JuSt sAw hEr!-” Ni-ki yells, but is quickly silenced by Jay covering his mouth. The pair on the couch glance up to see the rest of the boys' heads peeking around the doorway. 

“Ow!” The youngest yells as he is presumably hit by one of his hyung’s.

Heeseung chooses to ignore the boy's presence, instead turning his attention back to Jungwon.

“So you saw her?” He mumbles. Hope and concern threaded through his tone.

“Yeah, she didn’t look too good, hyung.” The younger boy grimaces, not wanting to admit that the girl who used to shine so brightly looked awful.

The words slowly sink in Heeseung’s head and he sits still, for a few seconds, before standing and putting on his shoes. Before the rest of the members can respond, the eldest member is out the door and running down the street.

“Bye I guess,” Ni-ki states to the open air, earning him another wack to the head.

Y/N sat in silence, slowly eating her ramyeon while trying to process what had just happened. 

She had just seen the best friends of her ex boyfriend. Who had dumped her six months ago because he ‘just wasn’t in love with her anymore’-his words exactly. The girl hadn’t seen any of them since the day of the break up. She wasn’t even sure how much they knew, if anything at all.

Y/N cared for each of them deeply as if they were her own brothers, but breaking up with Heeseung meant she had to distance herself from them too. It would be too awkward to attempt to keep those friendships alive.

Not only did the girl still care for the younger boys, but she was still deeply in love with the one and only Lee Heeseung. How could she not be?

His eyes were the light in her life. And his smile made her heart flutter. She loved him and she thinks she always will.

An aggressive knock at her door, startles Y/N, causing her to get up cautiously. She can’t imagine who would be knocking on her door at nearly 3.30am, but she definitely didn’t imagine it to be Heeseung. He’s bent over with his hands on his knees, attempting to catch his breath while trying to also form a coherent sentence.

Y/N is just trying to form a coherent thought at this point. The very boy she was thinking of is now standing in front of her. She blinks several times, pinching herself to test if it was real.

“What are you doing?” He asks. That’s the first thing he asks? After all this time? 

“Pinching myself?” Y/N responds in a defensive tone, not quite sure what is happening.

“Why?” The boy prompts, attempting to continue the conversation, just glad to hear her voice.

“I think the better question is what are you doing here?”

The boy doesn’t know how to respond. What is he doing here?

“Remember when we kissed on your mother’s couch?” Heeseung asks, causing a single butterfly to flutter in the girl's stomach.

“Yeah,” Y/N simply replies, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Me too,”

Silence envelops the pair. Words on the tip of both their tongues, but fear stopping them from being let loose.

“I miss you,”

“I thought you had a girlfriend?” The girl asks in a bitter tone. She didn’t want to come off as rude, but she couldn’t hide how she felt. All her emotions were raw and she felt so vulnerable seeing the boy she loved in front of her for the first time in six months.

“I do- I mean I did. But we broke up.”

“That sucks?” Y/N is utterly confused at this point.

“I broke up with her.”

“You like doing that don’t you?”

Their conversation comes to a stop again, and Heeseung is grasping at straws. His heart hurts seeing the bags under the girl’s eyes. Her hair is a mess and her skin has definitely seen better days.

“Y/N, I am truly sorry for hurting you and breaking up with you without giving you a proper explanation.”

The girl waits, wanting him to continue before responding.

“The truth is, I’m a dick,”

“You can say that again,” 

The boy looks at her with an exasperated expression. Eyebrows raised.

“Sorry for interrupting, please continue,” She states with hands raised in mock surrender.

“I didn’t know what I had until I lost it. Till I lost you. Every time I touched her it felt like I was cheating on you. I couldn’t look her in the eyes without thinking about you. I couldn’t even kiss her or hold her hand without feeling guilty. I miss you. I want you.”

Y/N’s eyes are wide at the sudden confession. Her heart beats a thousand miles a minute. How could he come here, at such a late time in the evening (morning really) and say something like that? Who did he think he was?

“You can’t break up with me unexpectedly. Leave me broken and alone for six months, and then expect me to drop to your feet and kiss you when you want me back.”

“I never said that, I just- I just want another chance. Let me make it up to you. Show you how much I've missed you and how much you mean to me.”

The girl's heart was beating way too fast for her to form any sound thoughts. She couldn’t decide. She needed more time.

“I need to go to sleep Hee,” The boy almost burst with happiness at the nickname. He could cry tears of joy.

“Can we restart, pretend that we’ve just met. I’ll take you out on first dates, and we can do all the things new couples do,” 

A small smile made its way onto the girl's face, breaking through the tough exterior she had tried to create upon seeing the boy again.

Heeseung takes the action as a win for him.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He asks.

“I didn’t say that,”

“But you didn’t didn’t say it,”

“What?”

“I’ll pick you up for coffee at 10 then.”

“I have a lecture then,”

“Well how about 1?”

“I have work,”

“Does 8pm work?”

Y/N tried to come up with an excuse, but she was so tired her mind drew a blank.

“Cool! See you then! Have a good sleep, love!”

“But I didn’t respond!”

“Sweet dreams! Don’t miss me too much!”

“LEE HEESEUNG!” 

“Don’t yell people are sleeping,”

[chrizbang]

Pairing: Bang Chan x female reader

Genre: Romance, eventual smut, slow burn

Warnings: Idol!Chan, awkward date, mentions of food, suggestive (just a mention of penis, lol)

Word count: 1.702

Chapters: 1, 2

"Are you an idol?"

"What are you going to wear?" Mia asked. She was sitting on your bed, next to a pile of clothes. You were trying to choose the perfect outfit but nothing looked good enough. Yeah, you were panicking. "I don't know," you whined, defeated. "Why don't you wear a cute dress? Like this one?" Mia raised a white tight dress in the air.

"Mia, it's a date at his house. I need to wear something casual but it still needs to make me look hot. I need new clothes." "Nope." Mia got up, gathering some clothes from the mess on your bed. "You need to get your shit together. Here." She handed you a white long sleeve shirt and a leather skirt that made your ass look amazing. "Use it with some vans and boom! Hot and cozy." "I think that will do." "And for your make-up?" "I want something soft since I'm only going to his house." "Makes sense. Get ready already so I can take you there." "Are you really going to do this for me, bestie?" You made a silly face. Mia rolled her eyes. "Just get dressed."

Mia stopped her car at the address that Chan sent you. She asked you if you wanted her to get you when you left, but you assured her that you would take an uber. On the way, you messaged Chan telling him that you were close. When you arrived, he was waiting for you at the door. "Hi," you waved at him. For a moment you realized that you looked like an excited teenager and you had to fight the urge to laugh at yourself. "Hey," Chan smiled and hugged you. It was a quick hug but it was enough to make you feel your legs shaking. "Come in," he said. You noticed how that the place looked big, it was well decorated but simple, nothing fancy. "So, remember the guys you saw at the restaurant with me?" Chan asked, standing next to the door with you. He helped you to take your coat off so he could hang it on the coat rack. "Yes, I do." "We live together. I asked them to leave, so it's just the two of us." "Oh," you widened your eyes. "Okay." "I-It's not what you're thinking though. It's just so we could have privacy." He raised his hands, trying to defend himself. "It's okay," you laughed. "I think it's for the best. I would probably feel really embarrassed around a bunch of boys I don't know." Both of you stayed there for a moment, avoiding each other's eyes, not knowing what to say. Chan was wearing a white t-shirt that looked really good on him and some jeans. His hair was way too styled up for someone who was staying at home. "It's there something burning?" you asked. "Oh, shit!" Chan ran to the kitchen, trying to save something that was inside of the oven. "Oh, fuck," he complained while he put it on the balcony. Whatever that was, it was not edible anymore. "What was that?" you asked him. "I wanted to do something different for our date so I tried to cook a pie. But it clearly didn't work." You laughed out loud, throwing your head back. "I'm sorry, Chan," you said, crying because of how much you were laughing. Chan smiled, feeling satisfied by hearing you laugh. "It's okay," he giggled. "I guess we'll have to order takeout." "Sounds good to me," you chuckled, cleaning your tears. Chan ordered fast food. You were eating it in the kitchen with him but you couldn't help but notice the poorly placed curtain at the end of the kitchen. You laughed. "What?" Chan asked, his mouth full of food. "Nothing," you said. "Hey, I wanted to ask you something. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it." Chan raised his eyebrow. "What is it?" "Are you an idol?" Chan widened his eyes, choking on his food. He grabbed a cup of juice to help him out.  After taking two big sips and clearing his throat, he started to talk. "Uhm, yes, I'm an idol,” his voice was low almost like he was telling you a secret. "That's very nice, Chan." "Sorry for not telling you." He looked worried. "It's just that things are way more complicated when it comes to relationships when you are an idol, and-" "Look," you interrupted him. "You don't have to explain yourself. It's not like you were hiding that you were married with kids." Chan laughed, feeling relieved. "Your friends, they are also part of the group, right?" "Yes. I'm the leader," Chan said with a soft smile and pride in his expression. Chan talked about the group, their hardships, and the members. You could see the love in his eyes when he talked about them. He clearly was passionate about it. He assured you that he would introduce you to them the next time. "So there will be a next time?" you purred. "If you want to." He smiled and you felt your heart skip a beat. "I would love to."

"There something..." Chan said, pointing to your mouth. "What?" "There something on your mouth." "Here?" you asked, touching the right corner of your mouth. "Here," Chan reached to your mouth, cleaning it with his thumb. You knew that your cheeks were bright red. You chuckled, lowering your head and looking at your food. "Thank you," you whispered. "You look really cute when you're shy," Chan teased. "Stop," you laughed, hiding your face with your hands. "Don't act like you're not shy too." "I am," Chan agreed, shaking his head and licking his lips. "It's been a while since the last time I had a date. I don't really have much free time." He looked thoughtful. You noticed that he was trying to be careful with his words. Maybe he didn't want to scare you away. "I can imagine." "To be honest, I wasn't even looking for a date. But when I saw you..." Chan stopped and looked at you, his eyes were shining bright, his cheeks red and the cute dimples were prominent on his face while he smiled. "I don't know. You are something else." "Chan, stop." You closed your eyes, not knowing how to deal with his compliments. "You barely know me." "That's why we are on a date, right? I want to know everything about you." You smiled. Maybe he was just being a philanderer. But the way he looked at you made you feel like he was being honest. You and Chan talked a lot. He wasn't joking when he said that he wanted to know everything about you. He asked about your work, your family, your friends, your dreams, the things you liked to do. He listened to you with so much attention and care that you didn't even notice that it was late.

"I think I should get going," you said, the disappointment of leaving was very clear in your voice.

"Really?" Chan pouted. "Yeah, I have to work tomorrow." "Okay," Chan got up to get your coat. "Thank you for coming, I had a lot of fun today." "Thank you for having me," you said, following him. "I'm sorry for not being able to take you home." "Chan, don't worry about it." Chan locked eyes with you. You saw his eyes wandering for a moment to your lips while he licked his. You felt like you were going to faint if he didn't do something. Should you kiss him? Was he going to kiss you? You weren't able to know the answer because somebody opened the door, startling both of you. "Oh, hey. Sorry, I forgot about your date," a tall man said. "Y/N, this is Hyunjin, Hyunjin, this is Y/N," Chan said, his lips distorting in a way that showed that he was upset for being interrupted. "Nice to meet you," you giggled. "Nice to meet you too." "I have to go," you said, walking through them to the door. "Text me when you get home, okay?" Chan asked. "Sure! Bye." You waved at him and left. While you were walking away, you were pretty sure you heard Chan saying something like "I could have kissed her if it wasn't for you" to Hyunjin. You laughed.

"How was it?" you heard Mia asking through your phone. You threw yourself on the bed, sighing. "It was amazing." "Don't fall in love, girl. It was just one date." "I'm not in love." You rolled your eyes. "But it's impossible not to be amazed by him." "Did he kissed you?" "No. I think he was about to but somebody else came home and I left." "I can't believe you ran away," Mia mocked you. "I didn't run away, Mia. I just... I don't know, I'm too shy about this. I'm not bold like you" you scoffed. "t's okay, baby. I still love you even though you are a little chicken." You rolled your eyes again. Suddenly, you heard the ringtone of your phone indicating that you had a message. It was from Chan. "Wait, hold on. I'll call you later, I just got a message from Chan." "I hope it is a picture of his big cock." "Mia!" you laughed. "Bye." "Bye, girl." You opened the text to see what Chan sent to you. Chan, 10:32 pm: Hey Chan, 10:32 pm: I was wondering if you wanna come over to watch a movie Chan, 10:32 pm: When you are free Y/N, 10:32 pm: yeah, sure Y/N, 10:33 pm: I would love to Chan, 10:33 pm: Okay then Chan, 10:33 pm: I'll introduce you to my friends Chan, 10:34 pm: But I need to warn you that they are very loud Y/N, 10:35 pm: that sounds fun Y/N, 10:37 pm: I need to warn you that I might stay a little shy for a while Chan, 10:38 pm: It's okay Chan, 10:38 pm: You can hold my hand if you want Chan, 10:38 pm: You know, just to help you overcome your shyness Y/N, 10:38: I would love to You smiled and went to sleep, excited for your next date with Chan.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Sorry for kissblocking the caracthers (idk if this is a term, lol).

[babyjeep]

(Disclaimer this will be a lil long and I will be sending this to 2 people, so sorry if you know of each other and see this twice, but yall are my go to teen wolf people) so apparently Dylan O'Brian and Sadie Sink are gonna be staring on the All Too Well MV and I dont know how to feel about it. Like i get that she's technically an adult at 19 and one of the points of the song is that TS was with an older man, but it still feels weird? 1/2

“2/2 and like i cant judge age differences considering that I am incapable of being attracted to people in my age group, but even for a MV i feel weird about this 30 yo with a teenager yk? Also i feel like those are such a random picks to be together and in a TS video? Like it feels like she put names of current celebrities belonging to fandoms in a hat and picked at random. Anyways im sure the video will be incredible but idk, the news didn't make me excited just kinda weirded out and confused.”

Hi Anon!

I don’t know anything about this situation because I don’t follow TS close enough to know what MVs are coming out. Also, I’m actually a very odd person to ask about this because fun fact- my parents are twenty years apart. My mom was eighteen and my dad was thirty eight when they-ya know- made me. And my existence is the reason they were married for sixteen years. My mom’s life was hell. The older I got, the more I realize the insanity of their situation and how uncomfortable it made me. Still to this day my mother has never admitted that they probably shouldn’t have been together. Age gap relationships make me very uncomfortable because even though an eighteen year old is an adult, they might not fully grasps the gravity of the situation until they turn 31, 38, 40- whatever the age of their partner is, and then see and eighteen year old for themself. I’m twenty four. To me, 18 year olds looks like babies. Why would I want to date someone that can’t even but alcohol at the grocery store?

Back to TS, now that you know where I’m coming from (sorry if this is a hot take).

Taylor Swift’s music is clearly her outlet for all the things that have gone wrong in her relationships. It’s her artistic expression and I think writing songs is cathartic for her. Taylor was 19 when John Mayer was 31, and right now Taylor is 31. I think she realizes the full gravity of the situation and wants to talk about it. If she can share her experience, maybe her fans won’t make the same mistakes she did.

If their ages make you uncomfortable. . that’s the point. I think that’s the discussion Taylor wants us to have. Sadie has that all American sweetheart look Taylor did at her age. Dylan is a big name, hot as fuck celebrity that a nineteen year old girl wouldn’t dare to say no to, the perfect representation for John Mayer in Taylor’s eyes. Taylor’s a musician and I’m sure she idolized John. I’m sure Sadie idolizes Dylan after growing up watching him. It sounds to me like Dylan and Sadie are the perfect casting.

Which is sad.

[emilyofjane]

Why the Disney Princesses definitely need therapy: a Hot Take

Snow White

Losing her parents as a child and having to learn to take care of herself at a very young age (Snow White is 14 in the movie, and judging by her work ethic, she appears to at least have some experience with living independently before moving in with the 7 dwarves)

Lack of socialization due to isolation

Depression due to isolation and loneliness. This makes the whole “Someday My Prince Will Come” thing much more believable, because Snow White really isn’t in any sort of immediate danger and doesn’t need “saving” or whatever; she’s just tired of being alone and wants human companionship. (And tbh who can blame her? The poor girl’s literally talking to birds and moved in with the first group of humanoid creatures she could find ffs)

This one’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m pretty sure Snow White would also have an unhealthy fear of strangers and/or an irrational fear of being poisoned after the whole apple fiasco

Cinderella

Being raised in an abusive home environment for most (if not virtually all) of her life

The complete lack of positive social interaction throughout her life has probably led to problems with social withdrawal and isolation at some point, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has repressed symptoms of chronic depression due to loneliness.

Her closest emotional confidants are literally two talking mice, and that just screams “My only friends are animals because their love is unconditional I’ve been invalidated and unloved by every human being in my life” (aka extreme emotional neglect)

She probably has tons of questions about her biological parents that were never answerd because, again, her stepfamily hated her, which would obviously lead to some emotional baggage

If we consider Cinderella III: A Twist in Time to be the new canon, she definitely has some unresolved PTSD from her near-death experience (the “almost getting crushed to death in the carriage because it was transforming back into a pumpkin” scene)

Aurora

Existential crisis because the three fairy godmothers basically rewrote her entire identity as “Rose” and hid the fact that she was a princess

Never knowing who her real parents were as a child, leading to emotional baggage similar to that of Cinderella and Snow White mentioned above

Either the emotional burden of having to make up for 16+ years of lost time with her biological family, or the grief of losing her biological family without ever getting the chance to know them (idk whether Aurora actually got to meet her parents by the end of the movie or if they died before she woke up, because I don’t remember exactly how much time had passed while she was in the coma)

Speaking of the spindle prick-induced magical coma (which is a really long-winded and inefficient way to kill someone honestly, idk what Melificent was thinking), Aurora also has to deal with the emotional burden of how much time has passed while she was in a coma, which would only further feed into the existential crisis and emotional trauma in bullet points 1 and 3.

(Also, off the record, but Aurora’s entire life post-movie is just a hot fucking mess and she really deserves a second movie exploring that concept imo. I know that Sleeping Beauty has already gotten a live-action villain spinoff, but the story of Aurora herself really deserves to be reexamined under a modern lens also. Aurora is easily one of the most overlooked Disney princesses and tbh she deserves more love.)

Belle (feat. the expanded lore from the live-action movie)

Witnessing her mother die from the plague in their own home

Being forceed to move from the more culturally progressive city of Paris to the unnamed “poor provential town” in the movie, where she is clearly the odd one out and is subject to gender inequality on a daily basis (in the form of being publically shamed and socially ostacized for being an educated woman)

Being regularly sexually harassed by Gaston, which is further exacerbated by the villagers and their close-mindedness. Not only is Gaston’s behavior enabled and encouraged by the villagers, but they even go so far as to idolize Gaston — as shown during his namesake song — despite his obviously predatory actions, simply because he is a cishet white man that they find conventionally attractive

Watching her father get arrested despite being 100% innocent...TWICE

Also being arrested when her father is wrongly convicted a second time, by none other than her abuser

Watching her lover — who besides her parents was the first person in her life who truly loved her and respected her intellect despite being a woman — nearly die in her arms, as well as everyone else in the castle (who ALSO respected her regardless of her gender) nearly die at the same exact time.

...And you know, Stockholm Syndrome or whatever. (But tbh, given how everyone in the castle was very kind and respectful and how the Beast was a tsundere at best, Belle would probably suffer far more from PTSD brought upon by Gaston and her previous environment than from “Stockholm Syndrome” in a castle where everyone actually treated her like a normal fucking human being. Unpopular opinion I know but as a sexual assault survivor this is literally a hill I will die on.)

Jasmine

I’ve actually never watched Aladdin all the way through, so unfortunately I can’t give a full analysis of Jasmine’s conflicts...but I have seen that gif of her saying “I am not a prize to be won” and that just screams “I’ve suffered a lifetime of female objectification and gender inequality despite my social status, and not even in the highest position of authority possible am I allowed to have a voice” and idk about you but that is really fucked up man

Ariel

PTSD from being manipulated by Ursula to give up her voice and nearly losing everything (both her previous life in the ocean and the promise of a new life on land with her love interest) because of it

Near-death experience from *vague hand gesture to whatever the fuck that was at the end of the movie*

Inevitable depression from abandoning the only home she’s ever known (the ocean) and leaving her friends and family behind

She’ll probably also need some form of behavioral therapy to help her adjust to her new home on land, whose culture is still extremely foreign to her — and maybe even additional therapy for social anxiety, given how her first 3 days of human interaction were so mortifyingly embarrassing that she’ll probably be laying wide awake at 3 AM and thinking “oh my god I can’t believe I looked Eric’s parents dead in the eyes and brushed my hair with a dinner fork” for the next 10 years.

Tiana

PTSD from literally being turned into a frog

Overworking herself to the point of near burnout, and being unable to fully live out her prime adult years because of said burnout

Constantly dealing with shitty customers, bosses, and other white-collared people disrespecting her and treating her as subhuman because of her career choice, which is unfortunately a common shared experience among restaurant workers and those who work hourly wages

Since this movie takes place in the United States presumably before the 1960’s, it’s probably safe to assume that Tiana also probably had to deal with segregation, Jim Crow laws, and other forms of racism off-screen on a daily basis, which would obviously take a toll on her mental well-being and further exacerbate the issues mentioned in #3

Grief from losing her dad, which has likely been repressed due to her workaholic tendencies denying her the ability to properly take the time to mourn

I don’t even know what to categorize the whole witch doctor shenanigans as, I just know that she and Naveen are both going to need some SERIOUS therapy after going through all that shit

Rapunzel

Being raised in an emotionally abusive and controlling environment for her entire life

Being completely isolated for 18 years with no social interaction whatsoever with anyone except her own abuser

Existential/identity crisis from discovering that she’s actually a princess, that her “mom” was actually the one who kidnapped her as a baby and tried to cut her hair, and that everything she knew about herself and the world she lived in was essentially a lie to keep her obedient to Gothel

Near-death experience (the drowning scene)

Internalized fear and mistrust in strangers — and quite possibly in people in general — due to Gothel’s lifelong warnings that people in the outside world would only want to take advantage of her

Watching the woman who raised her MERCILESSLY STAB THE ONLY OTHER PERSON SHE EVER KNEW AND LOVED IN THE GODDAMN CHEST

Watching the woman who raised her LITERALLY CRUMBLE TO DUST IN FRONT OF HER VERY EYES

WATCHING FLYNN, THE ONLY OTHER PERSON SHE EVER KNEW AND LOVED BESIDES HER GODDAMN ABUSER, FUCKING DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER before she miraculously healed him

Because Flynn’s revival was such an uncanny revival that not even Rapunzel knew how she did it, she obviously thought he was gone for good...and since Gothel was gone also, there must’ve been at least a split second before she healed Flynn where, for the first time in her entire life, she was completely and utterly alone. That alone deserves to be a bullet point because holy shit

I’m not even going to get into Tangled: the Series man this list is getting too long as it is

Elsa

Losing her parents at a young age

Abandonment and isolation issues (mostly self-inflicted due to her own fear of hurting others, see #3)

Internalized fear and self-doubt of her powers — and, by extension, fear and self-doubt in herself

Guilt from nearly plunging Arendelle into an eternal winter

Guilt from almost losing her sister (twice!) due to her own direct actions

(Coinciding with #3) Guilt from isolating herself from her sister to protect her, only to nearly get her killed by the very thing she was trying to protect her from

Anxiety. Just lots and lots of general anxiety.

(Omitting Frozen 2 for Elsa because I haven’t seen it yet and this list is getting too long)

Anna

Also losing her parents at a young age

Abandonment and isolation issues, but hers are moreso due to Elsa “shutting her out” as a kid and having no one else her age in the castle to interact with

Lack of socialization in general for much of her childhood, as well as any social anxieties/lack of social knowledge and etiquette/etc. that would come with it

Abusive relationship with Hans (I know it was only one day, but holy fuck that was a trainwreck. What Hans did to Anna is a literal breeding ground for PTSD and trauma)

Coming to terms with the fact that the trolls fucking erased her memories of Elsa having ice powers and that Elsa isolated herself to protect her (and not, you know, because she hated her or something)

Leftover guilt from holding a grudge against Elsa for most of her childhood for shutting her out, because NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL HER THAT IT WAS FOR HER OWN GOOD and she never knew why

Basically Anna and Elsa both need joint therapy or family counseling or something because holy shit their parents did NOT handle this situation properly AT ALL

(Also omitting Frozen 2 for Anna because I haven’t seen it and this list is also getting too long)

Moana

Surprisingly, Moana’s movie was relatively tame — in fact, because her tribe returned to voyaging and she is now exploring the seas/following her passion, these events were arguably beneficial to Moana’s mental health rather than detrimental. The only emotional baggage I can really imagine Moana having post-movie is leftover grief from her grandma dying and maybe the stress of having to put up with Maui’s shit

[4lix]

hello, i’m so happy you’re making a comeback. since you’re in the mood to write abt chan, may i request a best friends to lovers trope?

friends to lovers ★ bang chan ↳ gender-neutral. fluff.

okay so falling in love with ur best friend is a big L but its one u are more than willing to take for christopher bang

first things first, chan loves people with his whole mf heart.

whether its family, friends, or romantic interests

so when it comes down to him falling for his best friend? idk if he’d really realize it unless someone literally spelled it out for him, he’d just mistake his affection towards you as just the same kind of best friend love he has for ˙his group members

he’d never think much about the fact that most of his song lyrics these days were getting oddly too specific in detail about a certain someone

or how whenever he felt down his gut reaction was to call you up because the sound of your voice seemed to make everything better

or how he really really likes cuddling with you after long days of practice

and when you stop by the studio when he’s stuck on a track and just pull him to the couch to lay down for a while to get a break from staring at that damned screen, he’d instantly relax in your hold, sighing in content as your fingers twirled around his curls

and yeah his stomach is filled with butterflies and his ears are all red all that corny stuff but you’re his best friend and best friends cuddle sometimes too right?

best friends also feel the urge to kiss one another on the cheeks? perhaps sometimes they fantasize about what it would be like to kiss each other on the lips?

ok maybe not.

chan knew some of his thoughts were a bit odd. but you were really pretty so it was understandable. you were his safe place and the closest thing he had to home besides his members.

unbeknownst to him, you were honestly no better, a bit more aware of the fact that you could possibly be in love with the idiot but you were still in denial nonethless

whenever felix or hyunjin would tease you about your relationship with chan you’d feign disgust like he’s my best friend that’s weird! but your cheeks are red anyways and you’re kind of stuttering and hey is it hot in here or what-

when you had tough days chan would spam you with encouraging texts, a million obnoxious emojis, memes, just anything to make you smile and it always always worked, just the sight of a notification from chan always made you light up but that’s what best friends are for right?  

friends make the world seem brighter, that’s all chan was to you, a friend.

and chan cared a lot about his friends, so it only made sense..

but unlike his other friends, you always got special treatment

he’d give you gifts for your friendship anniversary despite all the suggestive looks from his group members, kissed your forehead when bidding you goodbye and always sent you good morning and good night texts each and every single day

he’d go out of his way for you always and all of that just seemed normal, natural to him. because he loves with his whole heart and he doesn’t even realize it

he wouldn’t really come to terms with things until one of the members like screams at him to just stfu already because he won’t stop talking about you and he somehow makes everything about you and it’s driving them insane

they’d be like we get it you’re in love with y/n shut up already

and he’d just be a stuttering mess like !! no im not !! and yet his heart is racing in his chest and everyone looks at him with an unamused glare

changbin would be like “everything you’ve written these last few weeks are all about them-”

felix would chime in like “you killed your phone battery texting them all day and then used my phone to call them so you could talk for three hours straight.”

jisung is like “yeah and you bought like ten different gifts for your friendship  anniversary but you gave me a set of socks for my birthday-”

huh wait maybe he is in love with you.

“those socks were knitted and really nice.” would be his only line of defense

the rest of the afternoon the members would just tease him about all his lovesick puppy habits that he was completely unaware of

like how his face lights up the moment you walk into the room

or how he can never go shopping without picking up something for you because hey y/n would look really cute in this!

and that he even mumbles your name sometimes when he’s sleeping lord help the boy

things kind of go to hell because now he can’t look at you without blushing and stuttering

he’s panicking because how the hell could he have fallen in love with his best friend who probably only sees him as a brother? if you liked him back surely you would’ve let him know by now, i mean if he was as obvious as his members said he was with his feelings there’s no way you weren’t aware of his infatuation with you.

but you were on the same boat really, to you, it seemed as though chan was affectionate with everyone, he smooched jeongin’s cheeks every now and then, and the socks he got for jisung’s birthday were kind of nice? you weren’t that special right? there’s no way chan could fall in love with someone like you anyways... right?

you knew him better than you knew yourself so his odd behaviour definitely did not go unnoticed even tho your sheer lack of brain cells prevented you from realizing why he was acting odd in the first place

the good morning and good night texts stopped, the spams of memes stopped, it was just radio silence for a few days and it was starting to freak you out but it was close to the deadline for the new album so he could just be stressed and you could just be overreacting

you figured you’d stop by the studio at like ass o’clock like always with some takeout for chan because you knew he never ate much when he pulled all nighters, you even threw in some of his favorite snacks and energy drinks, bringing your laptop with you to get some work done of your own hopefully

you did your signature knock on the door before entering but chan still jumped at the sight of you, weirdly startled by your presence, avoiding your eyes and only managing to cough and give you a tilt of a nod in greeting before gluing his eyes back to his computer screen

your first initial reaction is did i do something wrong :( and you intend to ask chan about it but he puts his headphones in and seems rather busy, you remind yourself again that he’s just focused on the new album he’d never purposefully ignore you.

you’ll ask him later, taking a seat on the couch, scrolling through social media mindlessly as your thoughts can’t seem to drift away from the boy across from you and how fluffy and soft his hair looks today.

after a good fifteen minutes pass, chan still hasn’t touched the food you brought which leaves you no choice but to annoy him to ensure he takes proper care of himself. calling his name multiple times to no avail, you tap the space bar, pausing the track before removing his headphones.

“channie, you can ignore me if you want to but i won’t let you ignore getting your vitamins and nutrients. i know you didn’t eat dinner. so eat.” he’s still not looking at you, just nods, clearing his throat awkwardly before turning over towards the takeout you brought for him and taking a seat at the couch.

you follow behind him, sitting right beside him. just a week ago you were here with chan laying on your chest, watching tiktoks of cats but now here you were, in the same spot but this time chan was silent, closed off. the complete opposite to his usual warm and bubbly demeanor.

he didn’t even bother to deny the fact that he was ignoring you, he just ate silently and fear starts to consume you because maybe chan really was upset with you?

before you figured he was probably just stressed and overly focused on the track he was working on but now it seems obvious he’s blatantly ignoring you, not even sparing a thank you for the takeout which was really unlike him. he always thanked you for taking care of him with tight hugs and sloppy kisses on your forehead. now he didn’t even look at you.

half of you was agitated that he was giving you the silent treatment instead of just being honest with you about whatever was bothering him but the other half of you really wanted to smooch his chubby cheeks filled with rice because wow he looked really really cute.

as annoyed with him as you were, you couldn’t help but appreciate his bareface, it was you favorite look of all, when he didn’t look like a famous idol, instead just a regular boy with blemishes and unruly hair in grey sweats and a hoodie.

a grain of rice hugged the corner of his lip, you fought back the urge to kiss it away. he was so unfairly attractive it made you want to punch him

you lean forward, reaching out to him to wipe the stray food away but he evades your touch, leaving your hand raised awkwardly out in front of you in rejection. now he didn’t even want you to touch him?

“did i do something wrong?” you didn’t realize how hurt you were by his silence, by his disgust of you, how he felt like a stranger these days. you kicked yourself inwardly for sounding so broken but the tone of voice seemed to strike something in chan because he finally met eyes with you for the first time in what felt like forever.

“w-what no not at a-all what makes you think that?”

“chan you’ve ignored all my texts for the last three days. you haven’t talked to me in nearly a week and now you can’t even spare a hello when i come in? you’re even avoiding my touch like i have the plague or something.” guilt washes over him immediately and he puts down the plate of food and looks at you with those brown eyes that are all sad and regretful and you forgive him before he even opens his mouth because you’re just that helplessly in love with the idiot

“i-i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to, really, i just have a lot on my mind right now and i just...” he turns to look away again but you place your hand to his chin, turning him forward to meet eyes with you again, he doesn’t shy away from your touch this time

“chan if i said something or did something wrong that bothered you, y’know you can always talk to me right?” you said earnestly, cupping his cheek in your hand, he leaned into your touch, humming gently. relief enraptured your heart, along with warmth

“you didn’t do anything wrong, i promise.” his eyes don’t leave yours, nor does his voice waver, so you believe him

“then why are you ignoring me?”

“because...” he tries to get the words out but his brain is going a mile a minute and you’re really close to him. you’re turned to face him, sitting criss crossed, knees bumping against his, he can feel your body warmth and it’s kind of sending him into overdrive

“because?” you urge him further, unable to help your lips from curling downwards in worry. he’s silent still, biting his bottom lip anxiously and you consider giving up for a moment but then he pulls your hand away from his cheek, instead holding it tight in his.

“i realized something. the guys, they made me realize some things.” he starts, eyes flittering past each and every single one of your features, admiring them silently to himself. how did it take him so long to realize he was in love with you? you were beautiful, his best friend, his whole heart, his muse.

earlier, his eyes were glued to the screen because he was rereading the words he’s written over the last few weeks and he couldn’t quite believe he wrote lyrics that were literally entirely about you and he had no idea, just assumed he had some new rush of creativity or something.

of course he was in love with you, he always been in love with you.

“yeah?” you rub your thumb over his hand slowly in an attempt to ease some of his anxieties. whatever it was he needed to tell you, it was clearly taking a toll on him, he was fidgeting, sighing over in over again and shaking his head trying to clear his thoughts. you felt a bit bad, perhaps you were prying too much?

“look i just–– i know we’re best friends, and the last thing i want to do is jeopardize that so if what im about to say makes you uncomfortable or something j-just forget it ever happened okay?” unknowingly, you hold in you breath, fear for his next words knocking the wind out of you.

“i... i like you. like like you, and- i don’t know how to deal with it so i’ve just been avoiding you and i’m sorry- wait why are you laughing?” his eyebrows are all furrowed and his cheeks are bright red and he’s squeezing your hand in confusion and you just look at him and just die of laughter

why were you laughing? you weren’t sure. maybe it was relief? joy? just pure utter love for the idiot in front of you?

“channie-” you attempt, but your laughter still has control over your lungs so you just cling to the boy helplessly, looking up at him with so much happiness in your eyes that he can’t help but feel a bit hopeful that maybe this laughter is good laughter?

“why are you laughing! i just confessed to you, put my heart out on the line and your response is laughter?” he’s smiling despite the confused tone of his voice, nudging you playfully but you pull him into you, shoving your face in the crook of his neck trying your hardest to get out the last of your giggles. with one last deep sigh, you prepare yourself to finally give him a proper response

“i’m sorry for laughing channie i’m just really happy. and relieved.” you finally pull away from him, resting your forehead against his, cupping his face once again in your hands.

“i like you too chan, i’ve liked you for a really really long time.”

the smile that lights up his face is one you’ll never forget, his eyes practically disappear, his dimples protruding through those precious cheeks of his and you can’t help the small laugh in happiness at the sight

“thank god i was actually losing my mind you know, changbin and jisung have been making fun of me all week, clowning me for being a lovesick puppy.”

“is that why they’ve been wiggling their eyebrows whenever i walk by-”

“unfortunately yes.”

“chan you should’ve just told me!”

“yeah well! i thought you saw me as like a brother or something!”

“what- no! i’ve literally been in love with you since the moment we met you idiot-”

“yeah well i’ve been writing songs about you for the last month, songs that you helped with and you didn’t notice a thing-”

at that you just :O bc realization hits u like a train n yea wait a minute he was pretty obvious..

he just gets all red again and then you smile at him and he’s smiling back at you and with the dopiest grin on his face he’s like

“can i kiss u..” and u dont bother to reply you just grab his cheeks and connect your lips with his

the kiss is kind of a mess tho bc you’re both just so ridiculously happy that you can’t stop smiling so yea its not a proper kiss but its filled with giggles and each time you pull away chan only leans forward to peck you again and again because he cant seem to get enough really and he’s just so elated that he can finally do this as many times as he wants

in conclusion chan loml<3 

requests are open! :) ↳ notes: tysm for all the kind welcome back msgs ily all sm omg <3  i ended up combining two requests as they were a bit similar i hope thats okay hehe <3 also sry if this is sloppy this is my first post in a long time & im kind of rusty .. whew

[yibuo]

love your hot takes! was wondering if you could give your two cents on shipping/rpf in relation to idol culture, how more often than not these pairings are subtly if not overtly used as a marketing tool etc. I’m all for freedom of expression / fandom consumption as long as the fourth wall is respected but given recent developments in c-ent I feel like we’re treading on thinner and thinner ice....

EDIT you asked for my two cents and i gave u my entire bank account. nice

ok i wasn’t sure how to answer this tbh without possibly getting attacked but i have a pretty strong opinion of rpf/shipping and how people take it to the extremes and i talked to oomf who validated me so here i go

tldr i mean people can take part in shipping/rpf if they want to and if they keep it lowkey but there’s a boundary as to how far shipping/rpf can go and there are too many instances of where people insert rpf/shipping in places that are unacceptable and this goes for all real ppl pairings 

i’m not meaning to offend anyone, and in no way are my opinions discriminatory, but also, if you’re someone who’s gonna make HUGE stretches regarding to celebrities and push your favorite ships in totally unrelated things, maybe you should step back and think about how your actions can affect your favorite people

and i’m totally stealing this from oomf, but here’s a thought:  if you ask yourself  'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?  

pls respect ur faves is all n don’t make them uncomfortable ! ! and also pls don’t fetishize same sex relationships !

anyway

ok so let me start by saying i’m a seventeen stan and when i was 15-16 y/o i shipped svt members, read rpf, etc, but never really was into overanalyzing every touch or gaze. i obviously enjoyed my favorite pairings interact and i read romantic fics about them. i wasn’t really into reading smut because for me, personally, fics using the members’ names and personalities even in au kinda made smut feel like visualizing the members in a sexual context and i felt like i was crossing a fan boundary, like, would my idol be comfortable with me seeing them in a sexual context with another member they tell us they consider as friends/brothers/sisters? or just in general, would they be comfortable with me thinking of them sexually? but hey, if it was a good fic i would just skip over the smut because good fics are good fics. now idk if it’s because i’m older, or other changes? i don’t really do romantic shipping or read rpf, i stick to reading fics about fictional characters because that’s what makes me comfortable (like if i ever rb two members’ interactions on my main, i stick to just tagging the members instead of their ship name, same goes on here for real people) and i still very much am uncomfortable w/ real people smut literature and art, but that’s just me

ok you see shipping a lot in idol culture because idols are in groups and members spend a good 90% of their time together, so whatever cute interactions you see  kinda lead to people shipping two (or more ig) members. i never really thought about idol shipping culture from a marketing perspective, so i asked some of my friends, and one of them made a really good point about how some ships are more popular than others, and these interactions on shows and stuff might be a strategic/marketing tactic to lure in new fans because of the “ships” being cute. i don’t know how true this actually is, but it kinda made sense. for example, in svt, mingyu x wonwoo is a super popular ship, compared to ships like the8 x vernon which no one ever talks about, even though we know that all the members love each other equally and wholeheartedly. so yeah, there probably is a subtle pushing of certain ships in order to gain momentum in attracting more fans to the group

also i’m gonna be using wonwoo and mingyu as examples but i’m not targetting anyone or anything, just hypothetical situations w/ an idol ship that i noticed to affect the members because how out-of-control SOME stans are

so as i said in my tldr, i don’t really mind romantic shipping, as long as it’s 1) lowkey 2) not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong and 3) not mentioned among the members

keeping it lowkey- pushing ships in everyone’s faces gets annoying. sometimes fans just want to enjoy idols’ content as they give it to us and frankly, it’s a little offputting when you’re trying to watch something or enjoy something and hoards of fans are fangirling over a gaze or a touch between 2 members. keep it on your private acct, or in a group chat, not in the youtube comment section of the video. but still, men and women are allowed to touch each other and show affection without it being romantic, and i feel like shipping culture kinda invalidates the platonic relationship. like unless a pairing is confirmed to be dating, why even bother with overanalyzing these gazes or touches. and no, it’s not homophobic for non-rpf fans to be annoyed, because sometimes fans just want to see the members as they portray themselves to be rather than finding a deeper (and unconfirmed) meaning behind every small thing. fans being like “bro it’s just the touch of two hands it’s not that deep” is not the same thing as fans going “ewww i’m’ not supporting them if they’re not straight” . and sometimes i feel like people try to twist non-rpfers words and call them homophobic if they’re not for shipping when sometimes people don’t wanna romantically visualize 2 people if they’re an unconfirmed couple. how can you use lgbt struggles, which is an issue in society, to fight against people who simply don’t do rpf?? how are you use that as a weapon and for what ??? (also a good amount of people who do this are lgbt fetishizers who aren’t lgbt themselves bye i said it) why can’t we all jus be friends dudes

ok but if you’re against your idols dating someone of the same gender, that’s homophobic and you needa get that checked

but that’s different from treating two members as friends rather than bfs

but this being lowkey concept applies to any pairing, straight or gay, just keep it lowkey dudes. (like for ex we see yibo and meng meiqi shippers, which also doesn’t make sense to me because it’s based off of literal crumbs but ok) it’s ok to be rpfer or non-rpfer as long as you’re respecting the idols and keeping their best interests in mind

respect ur faves pls

not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong- people need to stop bringing up ships and pairings in randomass places. for example, if wonwoo is doing a interview, with mingyu being nowhere in sight, and he’s talking about his hobbies and interests without ever mentioning mingyu, what’s the need to bring up mingyu?? people do it and it’s so... weird? like wonwoo can do things without being constantly associated mingyu? one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when shippers make these ships such a HUGE part of a members’ identitiy, when the members are doing so much w/ their lives? like no, not every move wonwoo makes, and every breath he takes is related to mingyu, but people still wanna have the audacity to mention mingyu in something completely unrelated? what’s your point?

RESPECT UR FAVES

not mentioned among the members in an uncomfy manner- like if you’re interacting with a real person, why are you gonna bring up a ship they’re included in when you have so many other things to talk about?? like ok it’s one thing to ask someone on a livestream “hey this event you guys did on xxxx show was funny, what’s the tea behind that” but it’s not okay to just mention a ship with no relation and no context to the situation. again, this counts as rpf-ers and shippers attributing a single ship to an idol’s identity much more than what it actually counts as. no, wonwoo is not 70% made of mingyu lover and vice versa. we actually saw this between mingyu and wonwoo as people kept pushing meanie (the ship) to their faces, and we saw (and  still see) a much more decreased amount of interaction between them compared to them predebut, because shippers couldn’t stay in their lane. so yes, out-of-control shipping DOES affect idols and can be harmful to their relationships if you don’t control it

^ so y’all see why i feel so strongly about this, because it literally can affect these idols’ relationships on screen

JUST RESPECT UR FAVES

again, this applies for any pairing of any sexuality, i’m just using wonwoo x mingyu as an example because it’s something i saw when i was into rpf. i love both mingyu and wonwoo and they are wholesome together. i have friends who ship them and i’m completely ok with that because they do it without posing any harm to the members, but some people just need to take a chill pill and a seat and calm down ????

so i completely understand that shipping/rpf serves as a creative outlet for lgbt+ folks and that’s completely fine, inspiration, love, cool cool cool. just don’t be so pushy about small interactions especially directly to idols. and as for rpf-ers, don’t let rpf give you a reason to start fetishizing same-sex relationships, that shits weird and problematic...pls

again, if you ask yourself  'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?  

lol so this is why i’m much more comfortable w/ fictional shipping, because these people don’t exist in the real world and don’t have actual lives and relationships to protect 

just respect ur faves omg and we’ll be fine

“given recent developments in c-ent” and me being a yibo stan and you sending me this strongly leads me to believe you’re referring to out of control bjyx cpf (yizhan shippers)  LOL

i don’t follow much c-ent besides xnine, uniq, r1se, and sometimes unine and the nine percent members, and honestly im not too into the fan culture so i dont follow ships there? so i’ll focus on. this ship

to be completely honest, shipping for idol groups makes some sense to me because idol group members are with each other most of the time, that’s literally their job

shipping actors who haven’t confirmed that they’re dating/no proof doesn’t really make sense to me at all--they work on one project together, and they’re off to their next., with or without each other . we don’t know if they keep in contact every day, much less if they’re into each other, but each to their own! my opinions and takes aren’t perfect and as long as you’re respecting your faves, it is ok~

ok so i’ll start of with saying: obviously, i love yibo. i love xiao zhan. they’re cute nd wholesome and evidently had good times together and learned a lot from each other regarding acting and being in the industry and just developing as people together. good for them, we love character development. amazing

is pushing bjyx a marketing tactic? most definitely yeah by tencent thanks tencent. i think you can see this through the amount of bts videos there are with just bjyx in comparison to other bts videos/interviews, even though there are many more important characters apart from wwx and lwj in cql, we don’t see as much side cast interactions as bjyx, and if we do, there aren’t that many w/ other cast members and yibo and xiao zhan?? relatively speaking

so yeah i think pushing this yibo x xiao zhan thing definitely was a tactic to further the momentum that wangxian was already having to attract stans, and it worked. like i LOVE watching yibo and xiao zhan bts videos because they are two goofs. love them. love my boys. love their camaraderie. and if people wanna ship, then go ship. cool! just be casual pls

i think where this becomes a problem is when people start projecting wangxian’s relationship onto yibo and xiao zhan because...the latter are real people. yibo and xiao zhan =/= wangxian !!!!!! (ok first of all yibo is a gremlin how can he be the wang in wangxian in real life)  what wyb and xz show us in videos is nowhere near what wangxian is hJKNDJNWD and i see so many people just equate the two pairings...nooo... and combining everything mxtx writes about wangxian in the novel and projecting that onto wyb and xz...i don’t think that’s the move dudes they have their own lives they’re not wangxian

my BIGGEST pet peeve is when people wholly credit wyb’s development as an actor and as a person to xz and vice versa. i cannot tell you how many times i see posts saying “wyb brought xz out of his shell” and vice versa and things like “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates” and etc

both wyb and xz have had years of industry experience before getting to know each other. they’ve gone through some of the lowest points of their careers before even getting to know each other well, and they’ve both found Their People in the industry before finding each other. to say that wyb brought xz out of his shell in a summer’s worth of filming based on some bts videos is just so unfair to the bonds xz has made with his other colleagues and xnine  members and the accomplishments he’s had before cql. same with wyb and his career prior to cql. and his uniq members, his ttxs bros, and all his other colleagues. these 2 have gone through some shit with their idol groups and it’s just not fair for cpfs to erase the significance of their career prior to cql to support and find a leverage for their shipping. i’m not saying all cpfs do this, but there is  a Good Amount That Do and it pisses fans like me off

they are not each others saviours bye

also  “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates”, if you guys ever watch xnine videos, you’ll know that xnine is Loud. with members like wu jiacheng and peng chuyue being so loud and extroverted, it kinda makes xiao zhan relatively quieter. but he’s still a gremlin and troublemaker and it’s not like he isn’t having fun. he’s just louder w/ yibo because yibo is more introverted than xz. relationship dynamics are relative to the relationship cmon people !!!! this is basic knowledge !!!! anyway that was a side tangent but ya

but ya my point is, wyb and xz have their own careers and they’re doing their own things now, and it’s unnecessary to bring up xz in an unrelated wyb post/article and vice versa, and it’s just so so unnecessary to link them in everything??? like i heard that cpfs prevented xz from keeping his nomination for an award because yibo wasn’t nominated so xz lost the nomination ./rolls eyes

anyway my point being, if you wanna ship them then go ahead! just do it normally and don’t bring up the ship in unrelated places (like other dramas, tv shows, etc where they’re not together), don’t spam them with bjyx related things, don’t make weird stretches/connections?? the other day on twt i saw a twt about uniq wenhan’s drama, where he was being referred to as xiao zhan (little zhan) in the drama (different  “xiao” and “zhan” characters than actor xz’s name) and i saw cpfs go “omg theYRE CALLING HIM XIAO ZHAN??? IS THIS FATE OR” like no it isnt maam it’s just a name stop reaching

ANYWAY UNNECESSARY SIDE RANTS BUT MY MAIN POINT is that people are allowed to be shippers and take part in rpf, but don’t make their identities “____’s lover”, don’t look past their current and past achievements for the sake of your ship, don’t erase their relationships with other people for the sake of your ship, stop bringing your ship into things that are only related to one person/aren’t related to your ship, stop saying creepy things about your ship (if you think the ship people would be uncomfrotable with what you say about them you probably shouldn’t be saying it)

just. respect ur faves pls no matter who they’re with ...just respect them ty

stan yibo stan xiao zhan stan uniq stan xnine

comment ur fav yibo and xiao zhan moment below

like comment subscibe

ok bye mic drop 

[ecto-american]

I think Ember’s entire self would have fit really well as being a deceased Kpop idol. Not just in terms of who she is as a character and it giving her more depth and personality that already matches her canon, but also give great social commentary on how toxic the music industry, especially Korea's, can be.

More detail explaining this under the cut.

Firstly a disclaimer: I was an absolute Kpop weeb in my high school years. I knew all the bands and dances and stuff, and thus I was somewhat exposed to the culture of Kpop. Since then, I kind of have gone back and done some researched and watched documentaries and the like (because I am a big sociology nerd), but I'm not that deeply invested in Kpop anymore. But this is a thought I've had for a long time, ever since I first began to hear some of the problems surrounding Kpop idols and such.

I also want to point out that I am not saying that Ember within canon is a deceased Kpop star. She clearly isn't, and I'm not trying to make a case as to why she is given canon evidence. I'm writing this because I really like this interpretation a lot better than what canon gave us. In my own personal headcanons and worldbuilding and rewrite fanfiction, Ember is a deceased Kpop star.

We got that squared away? Coolio. Let's start.

Now that “preface” or whatever is out of the way, I really want to begin this by giving some background on Korean pop, specifically the industry and the culture surrounding it, for those who don't know. This is going to give some much needed and important context behind what I'm about to say about Ember. I will also be providing as many sources as I can to this section, but a lot of this is really easy to find on google as well.

In Korea, to be a pop star: you basically have to be perfect. In your dance, music, appearance, your entire image is now basically the property of your manager. Plastic surgery is a massive deal in South Korea, and it's partly due to this.

When you get your contact, you basically have to go through a bootcamp, which involves: Limited contact with family and friends, dropping any romantic relationships or behaviors that would be deemed unwholesome (many companies even go as far as forbidding relationships so that fans can better “see” themselves as being with the idol, which increases sales), brutal training schedules and everything you do is so heavily monitored by your bosses. This has lead to many Kpop idols (especially women) to be dangerously underweight or to have eating disorders, 15 hour training days day after day, being fired for being in a relationship outside of their company's approval/against contract. It's caused literal deaths and mental breakdowns.

Of course, America has the eating disorder problem too, and long work days. But please take in mind: management in Korea actively pushes for these eating disorders and are almost applauded publicly for keeping their stars thin, while in America, it becomes an absolute scandal. And yes, America has long work days too, but in comparison to Korea, American musicians basically only release a single or two in a year, and an album about every three years or so. On average. Kpop groups are pressured to release one or two albums every year on top of regular singles. If you youtube Korean pop shows, there's so many examples of stars collapsing on stage due to exhaustion and hunger. And most of the time, they're forced to get back up and continue, compared to America where they're normally “hey show over”. There are some Americans who will go through with it, but it's normally stars who are determined to finish in spite. It's not a push by your boss to finish or be fired and blacklisted from the industry.

Kpop idols are often broke as fuck, so there’s not even that as compensations. Many literally don't get most of the proceeds from their music. Their contracts are often compared to being slave contracts by stars. One Kpop star even said that she and her group had to split one meal whenever they were on tour because they were in such poverty. Oh, a rising group, right? NO. It was one of the biggest fucking Kpop girl groups of the time, Stellar! But even if they were a brand spanking new group, what the fuck.

And why don't they leave? Because they wanna be famous and make music. It’s just that unfortunately, it’s a very saturated industry because the agencies literally just crank out so many idol groups every single year, thus leading to absolutely brutal competition. People are regularly rotated out and replaced within groups. Idol groups are regularly formed or disbanded There's lots of weekly programs and music competitions to see who's the best of the best. You're constantly ranked. You're constantly fighting for the top spot. Lots of Kpop idols have to really fight to get their name remembered or known. The best of the best get reknown internationally.

Okay I'm done with the background now, lol. But you get the jist! The Kpop industry is fucking brutal and needs a good social change. Though now that I've laid out a lot of this, you can kind of get the sense as to where I'm going with this.

Based on every appearance Ember has in the show, we can deduce two things: She hates adults and wants to be remembered.

What are two major problems within Kpop industries? Adults controlling these really young adults (normally freshly 18) trying to break into the industry that's hard to make a truly lasting impression on, that's trying to be remembered.

Ember, if we take her canonical song and the background information provided by interviews, is meant to have died in a fire after being stood up. But I think that she would much better fit as a character who died from the intense social, physical and mental pressures of being a Kpop star. Perhaps a Kpop star that was left forgotten in the crowd of idols, whether it's dying in an accident or suicide.

It’s just me, but I really personally don’t like the canon that she died in a fire because of a boy. It’s just really weak imo, and idk. I don’t like backstories based around a romantic interest like that, especially when it’s so bland. Ember is a fucking dead musician and rock star within canon, and that’s the best you can come up with? She died in a damn fire after a boy stood her up? No mentions that she was into music or something?

Of course, she likely wasn’t famous she died. She likely rose to fame post her death, but that’s still just really? Kind of a headscratcher in a sense? Ember deserves more. The given backstory of her death is literally so? Random imo? Given who she is in death? Unless her entire thing is about how she changed so much in death for a guy, which is kinda Hmm for me. But that’s most of canon lmao.

I feel like this Kpop idol angle would have been a much stronger backstory potential for her. It could paint her as this really hardworking idol, this incredibly talented musician and vocalist who just couldn't make the cut. Maybe she got fired for loving another idol. Perhaps she just wasn't up to the brutal industry standards of being a Kpop idol. It’s a backstory that clearly incorporates her musical talents within her life, and kind of gives her death more of an impact, that gives her more character depth. Whether she’s a perfectionist because of this or has such strong self esteem issues due to the pressures she experienced in life. All of this motivating her to work solely towards her goal, or making her realize that she just really wants to have a more relaxed life and do things like date freely and enjoy the peace and privacy she now likely can have.

Ember's powers would fit really well with this Kpop backstory too She can hypnotize people. Besides Kpop kind of literally hypnotizing a lot of people, it could be shown as a legitimate skill of hers, or something she gained in death as she hoped that she could truly charm an audience into remembering her. She wants to be remembered within canon. No matter the cost or sacrifice. The same kind of sacrifice and price many Kpop idols are forced to make and pay.

It gives her stronger motivations other than just being famous for the sake of being famous or to possibly get that one boy’s attention (? It really depends on your personal take). She wants to be famous to prove herself to a company that worked her to literal death or that basically rejected her, or as a personal dream finally achieved. She now has the power to destroy the adults that likely exploited her as slave labor that maybe made her die in poverty or after being another abuse victim.

To me, it’d help pack a better emotional punch and reasoning as to why she does what she does. Fame has much more meaning to her, it’s personal, losing it again would devastate her. At the end of Fanning the Flames, can you imagine how hysterical she might be if the entire sequence was an unintentional repeat of the events that lead her to her death? Why she’s so specifically disgruntled against adults other than the typical “teenage rebellion” to the point of turning them into slaves in Pirate Radio (which is? fucking wack considering how much better it’d be to use something else). Turning them into slaves just like they would have done to her for years, especially since it’s on exercise equipment. It’d bring personal satisfaction to possibly watch them run or bike or work out until they literally collapse like she might have done before. Then forced back on and continue. Hell, you can even explain as to why she kept her relationship with Skulker an apparent secret: she’s used to have to hiding a boyfriend or risk losing everything.

I would have loved to see her being used as a good social commentary on that industry specifically, but also as a hot take for the abuse that just happens in general too much within the music (and many other fame based industries).

If we're going by canon show airing date, Ember would have popped up right around the time Kpop was really making it's mark on American culture. America got really into Kpop in the mid-2000s and, as you can tell by BTS's popularity, is still going really strong. There's even an entire Wikipedia page about it, the Korean Wave. Whether you want to “modernize” DP or keep it in it's canon air date roots, this would still be a relevant possibility no matter where you personally like DP to fall on the IRL timeline.

While many Kpop stars are in groups, given her possible circumstances, she likely broke off to be a solo artist. If you've ever seen Kpop idol fashion, they're also very colorful! Very fashionable and interesting, and it'd be really cool to see more of that kind of fashion for her. The dances are very good too, well choreographed, and it'd just lead to really interesting possibilities as to how she looks and behaves on her stage.

I dunno man, I just feel like this is a really cool take. My personal take tbh, and I just think more people should think about deceased Kpop idol Ember.

[minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong]

Half Of You: Jimin One Shot

Request: fluff: Friend group travelling (wherever inspires you most! I'm thinking someplace like Hawai where they visit secret beaches and stuff! Site-seeing in the city could also be interesting!). Jimin and and OC know eachother through friends. OC is independent and not TOO into the whole adventuring deal but does it to enjoy some quality time with her friends. Jimin is flirty and playful and makes the trip all the more interesting for her. (I don't know how you want to set it up but maybe two friends are dating and they invite their two seperate friend groups on this trip to meet. Or maybe it's a wedding and OC is a bridesmaid? Anything works honestly!) - @silviasgotyourback

Description: You’re not too keen on...you know...risk-taking. In fact, it scares you to your core. But when your close friend Kim Namjoon gets in your head, you agree to a crazy trip to Fiji with him and his pals. But what happens when one of those pals -- specifically Park Jimin -- sweeps you off your feet not only figuratively, but literally?

Word Count: 15.8k

Pairing: Jimin x (gender neutral) Reader

Tags: Office Worker!Reader, Choreographer!Jungkook, Producer!Namjoon, Non-Idol!Au, Kinda Enemies to Lovers?? Haha idk

Genre: Fluff and angst, fluffy ending

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of alcohol

A/N: Wow what a long break I’ve taken haha! But I’m back (kinda) to post some one shots (slowly)! I’ve been working really hard on my graduate school writing sample and auto statements, and I’ve just started my senior year of college AND started a new job so I’ve been incredibly busy! I apologize nonetheless for my absence. It’s felt horrible being away. Very guilty lol. Anyway, thank you my dear for requesting and for being so so so SO patient with me. I hope you like the result!

Also, if you want to follow me on Twitter please do so! My handle is @/nirvana_namu. I would post a link, but rumor has it Tumblr killed links and I’m not taking any chances.

- Mercury

You’re not sure why you agreed to this.

Standing at the tippy top of a mountain, looking out over the entire surf as it roils in the golden island sun, you watch your best friend get strapped into a harness with a laugh that echoes through the humid air. His gaze is focused downward, along the slope of treetops leading to the water. A zipline. A really steep, really fast one. One of the longest in the world! Namjoon had proclaimed with no small measure of wonder in his round eyes before you’d boarded the plane side by side only a day prior. If you weren’t so scared, you’d want to paint it.

You really don’t know why you agreed to do any of this.

The vested employee adjusts the straps secured around Namjoon’s hips, tugs them once or twice — not nearly enough by your standards — and mumbles something unintelligible into the receiver of a walkie-talkie. Enveloped in greenery, Namjoon pauses to turn and look at you and, upon snagging your eyes, offers a big, stupid, dimpled grin. He waves one hand over his head at you as you wait to be loaded into the next harness. And it looks like his eyes are squinted against the sun, but really they’re squinted from the sheer force of his joy. A joy too big to be contained in a smile alone.

That’s exactly why, you think to yourself with a grimace as you shamble forward along the worn footpath, second-to-last in line, arms crossed over your torso as if they can protect you from whatever fresh hell Namjoon’s planned out.

The employee pats Namjoon’s bare shoulder before releasing him and sending him speeding down the swaying cable with a scream so loud it pierces your ears. His body falls out of sight for a frozen millisecond before the cable gives a mighty bounce and his head reappears, bobbing up and down as he slides toward the bottom. You wince, more out of fear than discomfort, and pause to peek over the edge of the loading platform, following the line of the cable all the way to the bottom. Your heart races as your eyes trace the dense tree line, seemingly endless, and the sheer drop that had claimed Namjoon just seconds before.

And that’s when, as you sweep your twitching gaze out behind you, you lock eyes with Park Jimin. Standing behind you, the very last of the group to depart down the cliffside, his lips are quirked into a smirk that reads cocky and his brows are raised, unyielding eyes stuck on you like tree sap. Of all people to be stuck with on the top of a mountain…

Your face goes hot and your spine stiffens by a few degrees. You stare back at him, trying to discern any measure of fear in his smiling expression, his half-exposed teeth, his rosy cheeks, his teasing brown eyes. But instead all you see is, as usual, a perfect facade of composure.

Well, that and a sinfully handsome face.

He saunters up beside you, scans you from head to toe, and hums a little. “Nervous?” he asks, as if he doesn’t already know.

You clear your throat, fan yourself with your hand as a futile defense against the jungle heat, and nod your head once. “Mm.”

Upon hearing your response, Jimin’s demeanor shifts a little. He uncrosses his arms and his smirk slips, brows raising. He leans closer to examine your face and you avert your gaze, heart hammering. “Whoa, you’re actually spooked, huh,” he remarks before glancing around the platform. “Shit, I don’t think the guide’s gonna let you turn back now.”

You’d expected him to make fun of you, perhaps laugh at your weak constitution. But this…

This is new.

Though well-meaning, Jimin’s words serve only to set your palms sweating and your heart racing faster. Your throat feels a little funny, tight like asthma. You shift your weight from foot to foot. “I-It’s fine,” you mumble, sliding past him as the employee beckons you forward with a lazy wave. “I’ll just…do it.”

Jimin hangs close behind you as the employee begins strapping you in, not sparing even a single word for you. “Hey, uh, my friend’s a little nervous,” Jimin says lowly to the young man working on hooking the harness around your hip. He glances up to meet your eyes before looking toward Jimin. “Any way you can, like, go gentle or something?” Jimin offers a convincing smile, the kind of grin that could get anyone to do anything.

The employee surprises you by releasing a puffy laugh and straightening to his full height, pausing to pat the dust off the backs of his legs. He chuckles and pats your back. “I can’t control the cable,” he says, then pauses for a moment to think. “But…,” he continues as Jimin turns pleading eyes his way, “if you’re feeling really nervous, I’ve heard it helps to shut your eyes and count to ten. Like, tell yourself you’re definitely gonna do it once you reach ten and just…go.”

You swallow hard and inhale sharply through your nose. “Alright,” you say, but his words have fled from your brain as soon as they’d been uttered. Your voice is shaky. Almost as shaky as your hands as you raise them to grip the straps of your harness.

Have you always had such a strong grip?

Your brain goes a little fuzzy, looking out over the precipice on which you stand, unsteady feet and rushing pulse. It’s dizzying. Like the world is spinning, but you’re not spinning with it. Or perhaps you’re spinning and it’s the world that’s gone still. Either way, the stretch of trees extending far beyond the tips of your hiking boots looks like it’s swaying on an axis, and each blink tilts the view some different way. You wonder if you’re breathing enough, or maybe too much, because your head is spinning. Like when you stand up too quickly after sitting for a while. You wonder if you’ll pass out before you reach the bottom.

If you reach the bottom.

Jesus, you hadn’t even considered the possibility of this stupid cable snapping. It doesn’t look too stable, upon closer inspection. Bouncing in the breeze. And as the employee finishes strapping you in, you pause for a moment to move your legs about and find, to your horror, that the straps are slightly loose.

Oh God.

You’re gonna throw up.

“Hey,” says a soft voice from beside you.

You feel a warm hand slide along the skin of your upper back, resting to cup your shoulder. Slowly, you turn your toward Jimin, standing with one arm wrapped around you and the other braced on his own knee so he can level his eyes with yours. He’s smiling a little. A different one this time, a soft one. The wind blows his dark hair from his eyes and carries the scent of his cologne. Somehow, you feel yourself relax a little against his side.

“It’s gonna be okay, alright?” he asks gently, and this is an entirely new Park Jimin to you. A tender young man with kind eyes. He smiles again and gives your shoulder a squeeze. “I’m right behind you.”

And for some reason, that comforts you. You don’t have time to dissect it however, as the employee takes up your other side and raises his brows, asking silently if you’re ready to go. Of course, you aren’t. How can you be? But again, Jimin squeezes your shoulder and seizes your attention with another smile, this one turning his eyes to crescents as he nods his head.

“Um…yeah,” you say, taking a moment to focus on your breath.

“Remember,” says Jimin as he steps away from you. “Count to ten, okay?”

“Okay,” you say, shutting your eyes.

One.

You’re gonna do it.

Two.

On ten, you’re just gonna go.

Three.

It’ll be fine.

Four.

Joon did it, and he’s fine.

Five.

And Tae before him, and that guy Jimin brought.

Six.

Nobody’s died yet.

Seven.

You can do it too.

Eight.

And even if I’m scared, at least you’re not alone up here.

Nine.

Jimin’s right behind you.

Ten.

Your scream rips through the valley below.

And, seconds later, so does your unfettered laughter.

You met Park Jimin on the worst day of your life a month ago. Freshly laid off from your job as a financial analyst — a job which Namjoon disliked from the start —, and disappointed by a string of bad dates after a catastrophic breakup, you’d agreed to meet up with a few college friends for a drink at your local stomping ground. You’d found Jimin sitting in the middle of a smoky bar with a girl on one arm and a guy on the other. Gross, was all you’d thought in passing. You’d paid him little mind, too busy wallowing in your own self pity to think too hard about any one thing, but it seemed he was incessant on grabbing your attention by any means necessary.

You’d sidled up to the bar, awaiting Namjoon’s I’m here text, and had only just ordered your drink when the strange young man with the unusually bright smile took up the space beside you. Now alone, he offered you a grin and his hand for you to shake. For a few seconds, you only stared at his outstretched palm. At the lines cutting across it. What was that long line called? The life line?

Eventually, however, you realized he wasn’t going anywhere, planted firmly in the wobbly barstool to your right, and you relented with a handshake. But that wasn’t what this stranger was after. He yanked you just a little once your hands connected.

“Hey, honey!” he said as he pulled you in toward his chest, sweeping you up in a tight, firm hug that knocked the wind from your lungs.

You were neither playful enough nor drunk enough to reciprocate and instead sat there stiffly, arms pressed against your sides as the stranger with the cute face hugged you close. Over his shoulder, you locked eyes with the girl who’d previously ornamented his left arm, watching you keenly, and it didn’t take you long to understand what was going on.

“Dodging an ex?” you whispered without moving your lips too much.

You felt a wave of shivers trace up your spine and it only took you a few seconds to realize why. It was just the sort of thing you imagined Hanseul doing if he ever bumped into you…

He chuckled. “Two, actually,” he responded as the young man he’d been entertaining also lifted his eyes from his drink to give you a once-over.

You sighed. “You’d better be buying my drink,” was all you said as the two of you broke away.

He’d laughed — that melodic sort of laugh that made you feel a little floaty — and rubbed your shoulder with a grin. “I’ll buy you twenty,” he joked, sliding the bartender a bill as he returned with your cocktail.

“So how’d you manage to get caught up with two exes at once?” you asked, nursing your glass.

He rubbed his jaw and shook his head, smiling at the bar table before him. “They were friends to begin with,” he said. And when you said nothing, only recoiled slightly, he met your eyes with a bright laugh. “C’mon don’t give me that look!”

You cleared your throat, turned away, and worked your straw between your teeth. “I dunno, sounds like maybe you brought it on yourself then,” you said, taking a healthy sip.

The stranger laughed again — more like a disbelieving scoff — and adjusted one of the several rings on his slender fingers. “Well I didn’t ask the two of them to come out tonight,” he said with a shrug. “And besides, neither of them looked unhappy to see me.”

“Ugh,” you mumbled, eyeing him sidelong as he chuckled.

He smirked and leaned across the bar toward you. “What?” he asked, and something about the heavy-lidded look he gave you, the simmering something in his eyes, made your pulse quicken. He rested his cheek in his hand and cocked his head to the side, now close enough to smell a whiff of his cologne. “You think I’m a bad guy?”

You swallowed hard before downing the rest of your drink and slamming the glass back on the bar. You waved the bartender over and pointed to the empty glass. Wordlessly, he began fixing you a replacement. You peeked back at the guy to find him smiling at you, musing perhaps, with the strangest mix of curiosity and pity in his expression.

You were definitely going to need another drink.

“Do good guys usually do stuff like that?” you asked, watching the bartender as he shook your drink around his metal tumbler.

He chuckled. “Can goodness be quantified by things like who we date?” he asked.

You stiffened. “Not by who you date,” you continued, shaking your head as memories of your own ex resurfaced. “But who you hurt, sure.”

He rolled his eyes, swiveling in his barstool to look at you head on. “Why’s it my fault who gets hurt?” he asked.

You cocked a brow. “You…can’t be serious…” But from the expression he wore you were certain that he was indeed quite serious.

He shrugged. “It’s not my intention to hurt someone, so why do I have to take responsibility if they get hurt?” he asked, then smirked and gave your thigh a nudge with his knee. “The way I see it, if you get hurt you’re the one whose expectations were too high.”

“That’s gross,” you said, inching away. You were inclined to simply leave, abandon this conversation and the bar at large and call it a night. But the bartender wasn’t finished with your drink and you weren’t about to piss him off. Not on a day like today. “If you’re dating someone, you’re committing to them.”

“What about polyamorous people?” he countered with a smug grin.

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not talking about polyamorous people. I’m talking about monogamy.”

“But why does everyone expect monogamy?” asked Jimin, tossing his hands up in the air with a breathy laugh. “Anyway, I always make it clear from the start that I’m not the kind of person who wants to be…well, you know…,” he started, then furrowed his brow and waved his hand. “Like, in a relationship.”

You sighed, nodded your thanks to the bartender as he slid you your drink, and watched as Jimin again offered cash in return. “And that’s fine, but you can’t expect someone to stick around and be okay with that.” You rubbed your temples as memories swirled together. “Be okay with half of you.”

If you really loved me, you’d understand that I could have any person in the world and you’d still be my number one!

Scumbag.

This gave him pause and, slowly, he shifted his eyes your way once more, scanning you. “Half of me?”

You nodded and downed a gulp of your drink with a wince. “Giving half is fine if the other person is giving half too. If you both only expect half,” you began, then ran your hands along your neck. Your skin was feverish, alcohol making your head light. “But if one person wants more, it’s not fair to string them along.”

He stared at you gravely, eyes hard and jaw set, and furrowed his brow. “That’s too old-school,” he said.

You huffed and crossed your arms. “It’s not old-school!” you said, wagging a finger at him. “It’s about respecting the other person enough to let them go when you realize you can’t be what they need.”

He pouted a little and rolled his eyes. “You sound ancient,” he said, then paused to give you a knowing smirk. “Wait, don’t tell me,” he began, scooting closer with a conspiratorial look. “You were scorned by your ex. Like…I dunno, like they cheated or something. Broke your heart, ruined your trust, blah, blah, blah. And now you’ve got this vendetta or something because you got hurt.” He grinned and wiggled his brows.

You stiffened, eyes wide, and stared at him. “I…,” you began.

He laughed from his gut and nodded. “Ah, nailed it, didn’t I?” he asked.

There was a cruel edge to his teasing, an ill-intentioned bite that felt like it was made to injure. You couldn’t quite put your finger on why, but you knew you felt it in that hazy bar, surrounded by throngs of people gathered here and there, enveloped in smoke and conversation. But like a heat-seeking missile, it seemed his words were engineered to uncover the softest parts of you and destroy them.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was something else, but your eyes welled with tears and your throat constricted. You stared at him, this stranger who had pegged you without err, and felt the weight of your frustrations pressing down on the tops of your shoulders like sandbags. And as he perceived the shift in your expression, his own face changed from a cold sort of scrutiny to a round-eyed concern that washed away all evidence of his previous behavior.

“Oh shit,” he said, standing up and blocking your face from view. You felt a few hot tears spilling over and were quick to wipe them, but the humiliation was there on display whether you cried or not.

He’d gotten you.

Luckily for you, Namjoon’s timing had been particularly impeccable that day and he’d barreled into the bar with a lopsided grin and clapped both you and the stranger on the backs, Taehyung and Yoongi sauntering behind him. You’d startled a bit, jumping slightly at his approach, but once again luckily — or perhaps unluckily — Namjoon seemed to have little regard for the poor mood he’d stepped into and didn’t seem to notice your glassy eyes as you buried your nose in your drink.

“Well jeez, look at you two already getting acquainted!” Namjoon exclaimed with a big laugh.

You paused your sipping for a moment to slide only your eyes up toward your friend. “Huh?”

He blinked down at you, one hand still clamped onto the stranger’s shoulder, and raised his brows. “Didn’t I tell you I was inviting some work friends?”

You spat your drink, sending droplets of sweet alcohol splattering across the bar. Quick to right yourself, you faced Namjoon properly and, sputtering, replied, “Him?”

Namjoon laughed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you guys didn’t introduce yourselves,” he said, adding theatrics to his heavy sigh. “This is Park Jimin. That choreographer I’ve been telling you about? He’s coming with us to Fiji.”

Still coughing up the remains of your rum and Coke, you pat your chest. This was the kind-hearted dance major wunderkind who dazzled everyone at Namjoon’s entertainment company? This was the kid who, at the age of twenty-four, had more accolades than both his predecessors combined? This was the guy who befriended all the trainees and brought them sports drinks during long days of practice?

This was the guy you were going to spend two weeks with on an island in the middle of the Pacific?

Namjoon, standing between the two of you, moved to taste your drink and as he leaned forward you locked eyes with the acclaimed young choreographer over the plane of his back. Park Jimin stared at you with wide eyes and lips parted as if to speak. But even after Namjoon had straightened up and begun complaining about your drink order, Park Jimin, still with mouth agape, said nothing.

And so, as you go ripping through the jungle on a wobbling cable, screaming and laughing and crying just a little, you wonder how exactly that very same Park Jimin is the one who comforted you into taking this leap of faith. Below your dangling feet is a patchwork of different greens, all bleeding into a motion blur as your body is propelled down toward the bottom platform. As you slide along, you can just see Namjoon’s figure, reduced to a small silhouette amongst the trees, as he stands waving like mad at the edge of the platform. Laughing, you shoot both hands above your head and wave them around, causing you to sway on the cable. Startled, you quickly return your hands to gripping the straps near your chest.

You feel like a bullet whizzing through humid air and then, all at once, friction takes hold once more and you seize, eyes squeezing shut from the whiplash, head throbbing just a little, suspended over the platform. You are greeted by a chorus of applause and hollers of encouragement as the employee begins the process of disconnecting you from your harness and, as your feet land stiffly on the concrete slab, you lift wild eyes to meet Namjoon’s. You find him still with that grin plastered across his face, hair windswept, shirt askew.

“Wow!” is all you can say as the group laughs.

Namjoon smiles and claps your shoulder. “Right?” he asks and you can only nod and turn your eyes back up toward the cliff from which you’d descended.

Now far too distant to discern amongst the foliage, the loading platform sits somewhere lost in green. And, without meaning to, your mind wanders back to Park Jimin and you wonder idly if he’s counting to ten.

Sunset drenches the island as you lounge on the warm sand, leaning back on your elbows with eyes half-shut as you gaze out at the glittering ocean touching the horizon line. The sky is darkening by degrees, with vibrant reds and oranges spreading like watercolor into the navy blue edges. And for a blissful moment, you’re alone with it. Alone with the profound. And you’re not thinking about the new job you’d taken, or the text messages Hanseul left you this morning, or the bills you know you’ve got to pay soon. You’re not thinking about anything.

It’s beautiful.

Of course, it’d be more beautiful with a pina colada, but you don’t let your mind linger there too long. After all, Namjoon said this trip was supposed to be about adventure and ‘finding yourself’. You aren’t sure how much of yourself you can really find at the bottom of a fruity drink.

Namjoon invited you on this trip a year ago. He’d done it in typical Namjoon fashion: calling you up at two in the morning and rambling incoherently for a while before eventually getting to the point. You’d become so used to his pipe dreams that you’d half expected this plan to fall through like the others. The second the words left his lips, you’d rolled your eyes.

“What I’m saying is,” he began, breathless over the phone, as you push yourself up onto your bottom, bed sinking beneath you, “let’s go to Fiji.”

“Joon…,” you groaned. “Please, I have work tomorrow-,”

“Listen, fuck your job,” he said and you could practically see him waving his hands like a man gone mad. “This is important. Like…might be the most important thing we’ve ever done together, you know?”

“Where is this even coming from?” you asked, stifling a yawn. You glanced out your window and saw the city painted black, pinpricks of yellow office building lights.

He sighed. “I was looking up tropical music for this new song I’m working on for the trainees and I stumbled upon this incredible video about Fiji.”

“Like a generic white girl vlog?” you asked with a laugh, but Namjoon seemed deathly serious as he remained silent. You paused a moment. “Wait, you’re like…for real with this, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, of course.” He was quiet. “I just…I dunno…I guess, while we’re still young enough to do it, I wanna experience something incredible. While we still can. While things are still like this.”

“What do you mean?” You raised a hand to open your window, let in some cool night air, but as you jammed your hand along the pane, the thing only rattled dumbly in response. You huffed, focused.

“I mean life is transient and nothing’s guaranteed,” he said. “Who knows who we’ll be tomorrow, you know? Who knows how long these moments will last?”

You stilled for a moment, staring out your closed window, hand still poised to force it open. You glanced over your shoulder at your tiny apartment — clothes strewn over every piece of furniture, easel gathering dust in the corner of your living room, unused for the better part of a year, paintings still unhung propped against walls on the floor — and couldn’t help but sigh. As silver moonlight filtered in through your curtains, you felt an unfamiliar tug in your chest. A longing that didn’t make sense.

You had the job, the boyfriend, the social life…

You had it all.

But why did Namjoon’s words make you feel so hollow?

And before you even realized what you were doing, you replied, “How much is it gonna cost?”

“What’re you thinking about?” asks a soft voice from beside you.

Startled, you scramble slightly, sending a spray of sand flying through the air. You sputter a little, having inhaled too quickly for your lungs to handle, and squint against the golden sun. But as you settle enough to face the person beside you, you’re surprised to see it’s Jimin. Sunset drenches the expanse of shoreline, catches in the ends of his black hair, outlines the side of his rosy cheek as he gives you an easy smile.

You raise your brows. “Hm?”

He chuckles, rubs the back of his neck, and shrugs as he digs the heels of his hands into the sand, leans back on them. “Just...looked pensive.”

“Pensive…,” you repeat, mulling it over. You purse your lips. “I guess just...thinking about this trip.”

“What about it?”

“Just...why I even bothered coming,” you begin, then chuckled and eyed him sidelong. “You saw how I was today. The whole...adventure thing isn’t really my scene.”

He smiles, revealing on closer inspection one charming crooked tooth, and tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean? You looked like you were having the time of your life!” he says, nudging you with his elbow.

You smile at your knees, now pulled toward your chest, and sigh. “Thanks for saying that, but you know I was a mess.”

He pouts a little. “You weren’t.”

Glancing his way, you find him with furrowed brows staring distantly at the ocean. “Mm…,” you mumble in response.

He sighs. “You were scared,” he begins, then shrugs. “But you did it anyway. What’s so bad about that?”

You sense that he’s perhaps talking about something else while talking about you. Like he’s saying two things at once. But you don’t bother prying. Instead, you simply sigh and join him staring at the surf.

“It’s beautiful, huh?” you remark as the two of you sit side by side. And there’s a gentle sort of quiet between you, one you never expected to share with someone like Jimin.

But somehow, here he is. And looking at him as he watches the waves splash forward and recede, you can’t help but feel a little guilty for your attitude towards him. Guilty for the dread you’d felt as you boarded the plane behind him. Guilty for the scowl you’d worn as he walked beside you on the trail up to the zipline today. Guilty for the complaints you’d aired to Namjoon about him.

“Yeah,” he says with a pleasant, lazy smile.

Birdsongs welcome you to the fresh island morning. Lazily, you roll onto your side and peel your eyes open, straining against the sunlight pouring in through your ocean-facing windows. You yawn, pushing yourself up onto your bottom to stretch sore arms above your head. You twist your torso this way and that, crack your knuckles, point your toes as you extend your legs before you. The room is filled with bright morning light, all hardwood floors and tapestries on the walls. You glance around your bedroom -- one of eight private rooms in this massive Airbnb -- and realize with a start that this is the first morning in years that you haven’t immediately grabbed for your phone to check for work emails.

You expect, perhaps, to be unnerved by this. This lack of structure, lack of organization.

But, perhaps more unsettlingly, you are…

Surprisingly calm.

You shake your head and pad on bare feet into the bathroom beside your room. As you brush your teeth, you lock sleepy eyes with your reflection and can’t help but crack a little smile. For the first time in a long time, you look like you’ve had a proper night’s sleep.

You emerge in the living room a few moments later to find Taehyung -- Namjoon’s stylist friend -- and Seokjin -- Namjoon’s actor friend -- still sleeping on the couch, the TV still droning on as they’d likely forgotten to turn it off. And, standing in the kitchen by himself nursing a cup of coffee and a calm smile, is Namjoon. He’s caught a bit of a tan, glowing in the gentle sunlight, and his eyes are warm and fond as he looks out across the living room at his friends.

As quietly as you can manage, you maneuver around the sleeping boys and take a place beside Namjoon, resting a hip against the marble counter. “Morning,” he says softly.

You nod once. “Morning,” you repeat, and hold your hand out for his mug of coffee, wiggling your eager fingers. He chuckles and relents without much fight, offering the handle to you carefully. You take a warm, welcome sip and sigh. “How’d you sleep?” you ask.

He hums a little and adjusts the sleeve of his loose tee. “So tired I didn’t even dream,” he says with a laugh.

Smiling you reply, “Me either.”

He eyes you with a knowing smile and squints a little. Like he’s teasing you. “You like it here, don’t you?” he asks.

You roll your eyes and give his shoulder a healthy shove. He laughs in response, but says nothing more as you sweep your gaze out toward the wall of windows leading down to the beach. It’s immaculate in the morning time. Not a single silhouette dots the shoreline, only fishing boats just beyond the surf. Tourists are still asleep, you reckon, and you feel a little proud to not be one of them sleeping away the most beautiful hours of the day. You can see faint traces of clouds ringing the horizon, and the pastel yellows of sunrise giving way to the azure blue sky.

“It’s...really nice,” you admit with a nod, sipping the coffee once more. And, without meaning to, you think of Jimin yesterday. His hand on your shoulder, his comforting words reminding you to ground yourself before you floated away. “Yeah…,” you add, concealing an unintended smile.

Namjoon, however, has always been the smarter one out of the two of you and, predictably, he catches this shift in your expression and turns to you head on with raised brows. “Whoa!” he remarks with a grin. He points to your face with his index finger. “Look at that!”

You swat his hand away with a laugh and roll your eyes. “Lay off, alright? I’m having a good time. Isn’t that the whole point?”

He chuckles and sighs as he rests once more beside you. Gently, he lifts a hand to softly pat the top of your head. You’re certain your shock registers plainly on your face as he pats again. “I’m proud of you,” he says.

And in the simplest of phrases, he’s managed to pluck something profound from inside of you. You don’t need to ask to know precisely what he means.

Why does it make you want to cry?

“Morning,” says a quiet voice from behind Namjoon and, leaning slightly so you can see around your friend’s broad chest, you notice Jimin standing there and can’t help but smile.

He glances between Namjoon and you for a few seconds, brows lifted as if in question, before Namjoon clears his throat and wordlessly excuses himself, snatching his coffee on his way back into the living room where he begins rallying the boys awake.

You sigh, running a finger along the countertop’s perfect edge. “What’s on the agenda for today?” asks Jimin as he settles beside you.

You pause to think. “Um…,” you begin, tapping your lips with your fingers. “I think…,” you continue, musing as you begin to work your lower lip between your index finger and thumb. “Something about ATVs.”

But before you’ve even finished your sentence, Jimin has seized your hand in his and is now standing so close you can smell the scent of his detergent wafting up from his pajama shirt. He stares down at you with heavy-lidded eyes and a smirk, gaze flashing around your face before landing on your lips as he pulls both your hands down toward your shoulder. Your heart begins to race, eyes wide, skin hot where his fingers touch yours, and you swallow hard as he chuckles a few times, his breath fanning out across your warm face.

“Sorry,” he says, voice low and breathy. “It was distracting.” He then drops your hand and swivels on his heel, back toward the hallway from which he’d come. He pauses, however, to shoot you a wink over his shoulder. “Hard to focus when you do that,” he says, tapping his own plump lower lip with his fingertip before offering a wave and meandering down the hall.

And you stand there dumb, heart pounding so loud you can’t hear the crashing waves just outside the window.

You were shocked when you found out Hanseul had been messing around behind your back. Gutted, really. If it hadn’t been for Hanseul leaving his Instagram logged on to your phone, you’d probably never have found out to begin with. He’d always been that sort of guy, though.

Reckless.

And how very cliche, you’d thought as you read through months of exchanged messages, that he’d exchanged you like a used car for a newer model once he’d gotten tired of you. You dragged your finger almost lazily across the screen, brows raised as you rested on your couch, reruns of The Office blending into background noise. And where perhaps you’d expected hurt and resentment, you found only a grim acceptance.

Of course, you thought to yourself with a strange chuckle as you read the most recent message. A sappy sort of love IM that made your stomach churn. Riddled with sentimentality and grand platitudes, the messages reminded you of the ones you’d exchanged with Hanseul in the beginning. The ones that made you hopeful. Of course.

Somewhere amongst that grim acceptance, however, was something you didn’t expect. Something primal. A sort of fear that had no name.

Fear, perhaps, of the implications.

Fear of all the things that would have to change, all the comforts you’d known for years chipping away like old paint left on the wall too long.

And so, like a house of cards, your world shook and crumbled mightily down to its very foundation.

You’re slack-jawed as you stare at the row of ATVs standing equidistant before you. Eight identical machines pointed down the rolling hills behind you. An instructor standing with a grin and hands on her hips as she watches you scan the locomotives with your eyes wide and round. Beside you is Namjoon, smiling too broadly for his face to accommodate, with Seokjin and Taehyung drowsily fighting yawns. Jimin stands on your other side, arms crossed as he smirks at the ATVs like he’s done it all and seen it all before. His friend Jungkook is practically vibrating with anticipation, and Hoseok -- another choreographer from the company -- stands whispering in low tones with Yoongi, the young PD Namjoon never stops talking about.

The imposing green trees sway in the breeze around you: all potential threats as your group nears the line of ATVs. You wonder just how long you can manage on one of the things before hitting one of those tall waving trees. Anxiously, you glance over your shoulder at the hills extending as far as you can see. More possibilities for horrific injury.

As you tromp through the yielding sand underfoot, you feel someone step closer to you and you don’t need to lift your eyes from your boots to know who it is.

“You know, if you’re scared-,” Namjoon begins, but you silence him with a look, gaze severe.

He raises his hands in surrender before chuckling and patting your shoulder. He says nothing more as he swerves around you to hook his elbow around Taehyung’s neck. The two, laughing, continue toward the row of ATVs. Taking a moment to manage your breath, you press your palm against the rubber handle. You shut your eyes.

One.

You’re getting on this fucking ATV.

Two.

You’ve come this far, you can’t chicken out now.

Three.

You always chicken out.

Four.

When was the last time you did something that scared you this much?

Five.

Well...yesterday.

Six.

Before that though.

Seven.

When was the last time you took a risk?

Eight.

When was the last time you did something you wanted to do?

Nine.

Something you really wanted…

Ten.

You take a long inhale, nod once, and swing your leg over the side of the ATV. With both shaking hands gripping the handlebars, you glance to the side to see everyone else has mounted their vehicles, except for one. Jimin stands at the end of the line, talking with the guide too quietly to hear, but the way he’s waving his hands makes it seem like there’s a problem. The guide glances around, brows knit, before shrugging his shoulders and cupping a hand around the side of his mouth to shout.

“Hey guys! Looks like we’re one ATV short! Someone’s gonna have to share!” he calls, and grumbles resound around the group.

Beside you, Namjoon and Taehyung complain about having to share, both clearly not too keen on offering Jimin a spot on their ATV. You briefly feel bad for him, standing on the edge without a place to go to. You wonder if he feels left out, or if perhaps he’s considering staying back so the guide can show you the way. Without meaning to, you turn your head and lock eyes with Jimin and the instant you to you wish you hadn’t. Because now his eyes have lit up and his face is splitting in a small, hopeful smile.

And you know you’re cooked.

With a sigh, you raise your hand and wave it like mad, beckoning Jimin over. After all that, the breathing exercises and everything, after finding your courage, here you are handing over the reins.

“You can ride with me,” you say with a sigh as Jimin emerges at your side, smiling bright.

“Thank you,” he says with a laugh before hoisting himself up behind you.

“Oh!” you exclaim as Jimin rests his hands on his knees, right beside your thighs. He leans around your side and eyes you with wide brows. “I figured you’d wanna drive…,” you say, face going hot.

He blinks at you for a moment longer than normal before splitting into a grin and nudging your hip with his knee. “Well why would I do that?” he asks, rolling his eyes. “You looked really determined.”

Just like that, he understands exactly how you feel.

Startled, you turn to face him halfway, twisting your torso awkwardly as you lock eyes. He’s still smiling, still bright. The apples of his cheeks are redder than yesterday, and the bridge of his nose. A sunburn. He looks peaceful. As if he trusts you to drive this massive machine. As if it’s not even a thought that’s crossed his mind.

As if he never even considered taking this ATV from you.

“You guys ready?” shouts the guide with a hoot.

The boys around you holler their responses but you stay silent, still just staring at Jimin as he shields his face from the sun with one hand, still smiling, still peaceful.

You grip the handlebars and kick the ATV to life.

You first met Namjoon when you were in high school. He was a grade above you, so you’d never had reason to speak with him. Aside from passing him in the halls every now and again, you didn’t really interact with him at all. But things changed when he approached you after class as you finished cleaning off the blackboards. You’d stayed behind not because you wanted to, but because your classmate had pawned their classroom duties on you after a miserable game of Gin Rummy at lunch. You hadn’t protested much once the responsibility had fallen on your shoulders.

Another excuse to avoid going home.

Bony knuckles rapped against the blackboard beside your head and you jumped out of your skin, releasing a scream several octaves higher than you anticipated. But as the moment of panic passed, you realized with a start that the one who’d roused your attention was indeed upperclassman Kim Namjoon. And there he stood with a small dimpled smile and gentle eyes scanning you. You weren’t sure what he was looking for when he looked at you, but the way he tilted his head to the side made you think that perhaps he’d found it.

“Hey,” he said, face outlined by the last golden rays of autumn daylight.

You swallowed hard and took half a step back toward the podium. “Uh...hi…?”

“This yours?” he asked, dangling a sketchbook before you with one hand.

It took you several moments of squinting at the Strathmore sketchbook to realize that, in fact, it was yours. Your name was right there in the right corner where you’d scribbled it a month ago. And there was the tear in the cover from when your mother had tried to rip the thing from your hands -- unsuccessfully.

A rush of fear swelled through you and you snatched the pad from his outstretched hands like you were a prisoner and he was offering you food. Scared he’d rescind his offer if given even a moment to think it over. And as you clutched the thing to your chest, you scanned him with narrowed eyes.

“Where did you get this?” you asked. You were certain you had kept it safely in your bookbag since lunch. But glancing at the bookbag again, you found it surprisingly empty.

Namjoon raised his brows and raised his hands in surrender. “I didn’t steal it, if that’s what you’re thinking,” he said, then chuckled with a shrug. “What kind of thief would return the thing they stole anyway?”

You paused for a moment, brows furrowed, before sighing and nodding. “I guess that’s true,” you admitted before gently guiding the sketchbook back into the mouth of your backpack. “Um…,” you hedged as you turned back to the guy. You held out your hand to him and he rolled up the long sleeve of his uniform cardigan to take it in his own. “Thanks,” you finished with a shake.

He shook his head. “Don’t mention it,” he said, laughing a little. “Had to ask around to find out which class you were in though.”

You felt a warm bloom of embarrassment and pulled your hand away, shoving it back into your pocket and averting your eyes. “I don’t have a job or anything,” you said.

He blinked at you. “Hm? What’re you talking about?”

You rubbed the side of your arm and shrugged. “My family’s kinda poor too. Like, we do fine, but my parents are really serious about money so…,”

“What’s your point?” asked Namjoon with wide, curious brown eyes.

You stared at him for a moment, puzzled, before continuing. “Aren’t you gonna ask for, like, reward money or something?”

He released a booming, chesty laugh before waving his arms like mad and shaking his head. “No! God, do I look like a thug to you?”

You eyed him from top to bottom and shrugged. “I don’t really know what a thug is supposed to look like.”

He sighed and gripped the bridge of his nose between his fingertips. “Forget the money,” he said, pausing to give you a warm smile. “I just wanted to meet the person who made those drawings.”

You went stiffer than a board. For a moment, time stood still. Namjoon froze before you, the gently falling leaves outside the classroom window froze, and you froze too. Like your feet were rooted to the ground.

“You...did you look through it?” you asked softly, too horrified to raise your voice above a bare whisper.

He nodded. “Of course,” he said. “I was looking for a phone number or something on the inside flap, but then I got distracted by the art.”

“You…”

“You’re really talented,” he said, offering another big smile. “Like, you could go pro if you wanted to.”

You swallowed hard, your throat constricting, and chucked the dirty blackboard eraser on the podium with a puff of fine dust. Without another word, you zipped up your backpack and slung it over your shoulders. You walked past him quickly, not even sparing him a glance, and walked faster when he followed you, calling after you and begging you to turn around.

Namjoon followed you around for a month after that: waiting outside your classroom after school, catching you off guard as you sketched in the courtyard during your lunch break, walking his bike behind you as you led the way to the bus stop, cheering for you at the sports festival and causing you to miss the volleyball coming straight for you. Every time he’d come around, you’d turn grey with horror and you wouldn’t say a word. But luckily for you, Namjoon said plenty enough for both of you. It was always, When are you gonna join the drawing club? or, You should start working on a portfolio, or, If you love art so much, why aren’t you applying to an arts college?

You didn’t bother asking how he knew where you were applying. As you’d gotten to know him, you’d begun to understand his uncanny ability to secure sensitive information from teachers. It seemed they all loved him about as much as you despised him. Not long after that comment, you finally began responding when he spoke to you. And you even began bickering like real friends.

After a while, you grew accustomed to him being around all the time. To the point that, when he graduated a year before you and went on to pursue a degree in music, you’d felt almost lonesome without him. And to the point that, when you texted him about your choice to pursue a degree in business, you were almost relieved when he caught the late bus out to your house to scold you.

One day you’re gonna snap, he’d said that night in a moment of calm. You’re gonna finally have enough of living for them. And it’s gonna hurt when it happens. Bad.

But the scolding had never been enough.

Because, in the end, that persistent fear ran like still waters through your body.

You’re realizing more and more that it’s the same fear. That it’s always been the same fear. Back then when you were so scared of losing Hanseul that you considered not even telling him you’d found the messages. In high school when you were too scared to show anyone your sketchbook. Even now, as you straddle the vibrating ATV, Jimin’s arms wrapped lazily around your middle as he giggles behind you, you’re scared to make a single sound for fear of messing up your focus on the hills before you.

If you really think about it, it’s all the same.

When you boil it down to its core, it’s always been the same.

Fear of fucking up.

Like you’ve been walking a tightrope from the start, and any small misstep will result in you plummeting, face first, into the ground below.

Your knuckles go white against your skin as you clutch the handlebars. Stiff, you follow the guide as he vaults over a hill, having no choice but to do the same. You launch your ATV over the sandy bump, sending both you and Jimin flying through the air. And even though a part of you expects to go splat in the dirt, after a few weightless seconds of flight, the two of you return to earth in one piece. This time, it isn’t Jimin’s laughter that startles you.

It’s your own.

“Holy shit!” Namjoon shouts as he runs toward you, face covered in fine dust. He grins at you like you’re his child, and as you slide off the side of the ATV, he sweeps you up in a big hug, laughing. “You did so good!”

You laugh too, patting his flexed bicep, and lean away slightly to get a better look at his dirty face. “God,” you say with a laugh, running the pad of your fingertip along his cheek, leaving behind a stripe of clean skin. “You need a shower, Joon.”

He nods and peels himself away, turning his attention to Jimin behind you. “You don’t look so good,” he remarks with raised brows.

And as you turn to see for yourself, you notice that in fact Jimin doesn’t look so good. Up until then it had been all laughter and smiles and playful squeezes, but now that he was standing in the dirt, arms crossed, leaning back against the ATV with his helmet in his hand, he looked...less than pleased. He watches you and Namjoon with narrowed eyes.

Oh God, you think in a moment of blind panic, I bet he wanted to drive the ATV after all...

But the moment Namjoon approaches and claps his hand against Jimin’s shoulder, the latter perks up and his eyes go bright once more. He turns a grin towards you and offers a big thumbs up. The sky above his waving hair is a perfect blue, and the sun is unrelenting, but somehow his smile is brighter. Carefully, you join the duo and pat the ATV with a sigh. Looking at it now, it doesn’t seem so scary at all. And after all the tips your guide had given throughout the course, you feel ready to do it all again if you get the chance.

Jimin eyes you with a fond smile. “How’d you like it?” he asks.

You hum. “It was...really exhilarating,” you say with a grin. Gently, you reach out your hand for Jimin to shake and without missing a beat he laughs and takes it.

But instead of shaking it, he gives a sharp yank and you go tumbling into his chest. Heart hammering, you struggle to regain your footing, but before you can process what’s going on, Jimin wraps both arms around your back and holds you tight. You’re sure your face reveals your chagrin, so you’re careful to keep it buried in his chest. And although it’s muffled through the fabric of his shirt, you can hear Jimin’s heart thumping quick.

“Thanks for letting me ride with you,” he says quietly against your hair.

You swallow hard, nerves making your hands sweat, and nod once. “Um...yeah, of course.” You can’t help the nervous laugh that escapes your parted lips and, hesitantly, you reach around to pat Jimin’s back with one hand. “It was fun.”

He backs up with a smile, but keeps one hand on your shoulder. “Yeah. Let’s do it again when we get home.”

You laugh again, eyes wide. “Are there ATV courses at home?”

Jimin pauses, purses his lips, and shrugs. “Let’s find out.”

Namjoon snaps his fingers. “Shoot! What time is it?” he asks, brows knitting.

You check the watch around your wrist and squint at it, but it’s hard to focus on anything with Jimin still touching you. “Um...half past two,” you say, brain foggy as Jimin steps closer.

He glances over your shoulder to stare intently at your wristwatch. Easily, he slides his hand along your shoulder blades before letting it rest at the small of your back. You can feel the ends of his hair tickling your hot cheek. He hums a little beside you and nods once, as if he is simply verifying the time. Perhaps he is simply doing that.

“Shoot!” Namjoon exclaims again. “If we don’t leave, like, now we’re gonna be late for snorkeling!”

Without meaning to, you slide your eyes toward Jimin and raise your brows only to find him staring at you with the same expression. The two of you share a knowing look before breaking into small smiles.

“Wouldn’t wanna be late for snorkeling,” Jimin says under his breath as Namjoon jogs back toward the guide, all the while frantically miming with his hands.

You grin. “God forbid.”

Hanseul said something once that really stuck with you. Not the sort of sentimental thing that you thought might’ve stuck with you, but something entirely mundane. Something trivial, something said in passing.

It was a Sunday afternoon. Neither of you had work, so you’d decided to take a nice long drive through the city. The sky was endlessly blue and beautiful, and even though you were just one car in the infinite stream of vehicles on the highway, you felt somehow free. With the windows rolled down all the way and music bumping softly through Hanseul’s car’s speaker, you remember shutting your eyes and just...breathing for a minute. And that was enough.

“Jesus Christ!” Hanseul shouted with a belabored sigh, and your eyes snapped open once more. You were quick to locate the source of his frustration and found, merging into your lane from the right, a massive freight truck. “I will never understand the hubris of semi drivers who think it’s a good idea to pass other semi drivers.”

Settling your racing heart, you sighed and breathed a laugh. “Impatience I guess,” you remarked, but he was prickly beside you and you knew he wasn’t finished.

He scoffed. “As if passing that guy is gonna get him there any faster,” he said, then rolled his eyes and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “Everyone should just go their own pace.”

And with that, he stopped talking. And you returned to leaning your head against the passenger doorframe, gazing out at the line of cars entering the highway.

The sun is white hot on your bare skin as you tread water, face bobbing just below the ocean’s surface. Floating like a buoy, you squint into the endless blue to catch a glimpse of some wildlife. It’s not as easy as it looks on Instagram, that much is clear to you now. The waves waves are gentle but restless as they rock you around and the plastic of the snorkel pushes uncomfortably against the sensitive skin of your lips. Your arms and legs are still sore from the previous day’s hike, and now your thighs ache from gripping the ATV. But somehow, despite the hardiness of it all, as you float parallel to the ocean floor, you can’t help but stare with wide-eyed wonder every time a flash of red fin or plume of underwater dust catches your eye. And so, mystified, you swim onward.

You feel someone swim up beside you, but it’s too much labor to look and you can’t tear your eyes away from a particularly beautiful fish cresting over the top of some coral beyond your fingertips. It’s only when that someone taps your shoulder that you finally snap from your daze and, blinking quickly, burst out from beneath the water and shove your snorkel to the side. Fearing catastrophe, you turn gasping toward Jimin as he wades beside you with a grin.

And your heart settles down.

You pat your chest a little and sigh. “Jesus,” you mumble.

“Scared you?” he asks, and from this close it’s hard not to get caught up in the brown of his eyes, in the wet ends of his dark hair as they dangle just above his eyebrows.

With the saltwater and the sunlight kissing his skin, he’s practically glowing.

You shake your head. “What’s up?” you ask.

He points with one finger toward the water below and wiggles his brows. “You wanna go down with me? The instructor said it’s really awesome.”

You stare at him for a long moment, trying to discern any malintent or ulterior motive and, upon gleaning none, settle for a nervous, breathy laugh. “Ah, I dunno…,” you say, rubbing your nose with the side of your finger. You look away, toward Jungkook’s fins as they flap violently against the glassy surface of the water. “I’m happy just looking from up here.”

Jimin hums a little. “You sure?” he asks, eyeing you like he knows something you don’t. “You seemed really into it when I came over.”

You swallow hard and your mouth tastes like seawater and anxiety. “No, I’m…,” you start, but it’s weak. The sentence trails into nothing.

He smiles bright enough to blind and you almost have to shield your eyes. “Come on,” he says, offering his hand toward you. “We’ll go down together and come back up together. I’ll hold your hand the whole time.”

You stare at his outstretched fingers, pruny and slightly sunkissed, and ponder for a moment. Were you always so tepid? So lukewarm? Wasn’t there ever a time in your life when you did things just because they sounded fun? Thinking back, it’s hard to pinpoint the precise moment you became so pragmatic, so afraid. Perhaps when your parents told you a career in art wouldn’t work out for you. That you didn’t have the stuff. Perhaps even before that.

But deep down, buried deeper than you’d like you admit, there’s a part of you that’s always wanted to zipline through the jungle. To ride ATVs. To see the coral up close.

That slumbering part of you is beginning to awaken.

And you wonder as you take Jimin’s hand with an uncertain smile if this has been your pace all along.

He giggles and the two of you dive in unison. You follow the instructions the snorkeling teachers gave you on the boat, and you hold your breath just the way you’re supposed to. Nonetheless, the deeper you swim, the cooler the water becomes and the more your nerves begin to rattle.

Only this time, you don’t find it unpleasant. Not at all, actually.

Because Jimin’s hand is warm.

The two of you coast to a stop in front of the vibrant red coral as a school of orange fish rushes by in a wave. You both reel back for only a moment and then, catching each other’s eyes, exchange the biggest smiles your snorkels allow. And boy is Jimin right. It is awesome. You swear you’ve never seen colors like this. Juxtaposed against the perfect blue all around, the coral reef stands like a mountain underwater, fish flying like birds around the jagged pink peaks, hiding in the deep purple. Anemones wave so close you’re tempted to touch them, and as you lean closer for a better look, you see a red seahorse nestled beside a green sea plant. As if sensing you there, the tiny fish scoots out from its cover and makes its way toward you. Eagerly, you extend your index finger and the creature nudges you just slightly before continuing on its way to the other side of the coral barrier.

Your heart is pounding, racing like a sports car and loud like one too. You turn toward Jimin with eyes blown wide and he’s grinning at you, so fond. He gives your hand a squeeze and you can’t help but squeeze back. Wordlessly, he jerks his head toward the surface, and the way the water plays with his hair makes it look like silk. You’re distracted for a moment by how beautiful it is, how beautiful he is, but he squeezes your hand again and once more jerks his chin upward. Ah! You need air!

You only realize it as Jimin makes a motion toward the surface, but now that you’re conscious of it it’s all you can think of. Quickly, the two of you begin kicking in unison toward where the water breaks way and, as you pop out from below, the two of you gasp a little while catching your breath. Wasting not a single second, you rip your snorkel off and shove your goggles up against your hairline. Grinning so wide it hurts, you smack Jimin’s shoulder.

“That was--!! It was--!!” you begin, but you can’t even finish your sentence.

Jimin laughs, that one laugh that sounds like bells, and his eyes nearly vanish as he smiles. “Right?” he asks.

You nod, clapping your hand against your cheek. “God! Did you see that seahorse?!”

“I did!”

“Wasn’t it--?!”

“It was!”

You laugh, exhilarated, and stare down at the distorted coral reef below your feet, warped by the shifting water. Your heart is a hammer in your chest. “Jimin!” you exclaim, not knowing quite what else to say.

He laughs. “Yeah!”

You turn to him, sincerely this time as the adrenaline slowly drains from your body, and meet his half-shut eyes. You realize with a start that you’re still holding his hand quite tight. And he’s making no move to change that. Gently, you squeeze.

“Thank you,” you say, and it’s all you can say really.

Drifting together in the middle of the ocean, two dots floating in the blue expanse, there’s something both completely insignificant and totally profound about it all. You can’t name it, but the sensation in your chest feels like when you finally get the water out of your ear after a day at the pool. Like something got dislodged.

And as Jimin looks at you with that bright smile, you smile back. “I’m glad you came,” he says gently.

And it’s honest.

Almost honest enough to make you forget the things he said when you first met.

“Why’d you say all that stuff at the bar back home?” you manage to ask over the sound of Hoseok laughing nearby.

You glance over to where Hoseok and Jungkook swim chatting away, much like you and Jimin.

Only they aren’t holding hands.

Jimin’s hand goes a little tight and he clears his throat. “Uh...well,” he begins, but before he can continue, Namjoon pops up from below the water right beside you.

You scream in surprise and smack the top of his head with your snorkel, but Namjoon only laughs and gives you a splash. “What’re you guys doing? There’s a whole ocean down there!” he asks, but when his eyes travel sideways toward Jimin, his expression changes. Like a nervous dog.

You look too and see Jimin looks...well, pretty mad. You can’t put your finger on it, but it’s like there’s some tension between Jimin and Namjoon today. A sense of competition perhaps? It’s hard to say. But as you stare at Jimin now, his brow is low and his jaw is clenched and he quietly slips his hand from yours.

You’re not expecting to be sitting beside legendary producer Min Yoongi on a rattling motor boat in the middle of the ocean, but here you are. Life is funny that way, you suppose as the two of you jostle against one another. Shoulder-to-shoulder you sit like students on a field trip, neither one saying much of anything at all. As the sun begins its lazy descent across the sky, you’re stranded, sunburnt, returning to shore after a long afternoon with the fish.

You glance around for someone to save you, to perhaps sweep you up in one of the several shouting conversations being held around you on all sides, but your eyes can’t seem to snag anyone else’s. Well, besides Namjoon who eagerly widens his own and gives you that big dumb smile that somehow has become bigger and dumber since arriving on the island. Even Jimin won’t look at you and is, in fact, sulking at the end of the rows of benches, gazing out at the trail of sunset leaking out across the water like a golden road. Perhaps he’s wondering, like you, what it might be like to walk on it.

Or perhaps he’s mad at you.

Your heart sinks.

You can’t place it, but he doesn’t seem himself. After sliding his hand from inside yours, he’d swum away from you and Namjoon to begin chatting with Yoongi. It’s not easy to make a show of being mad when you’re treading water in the middle of the sea, but he managed. As goofy as it was to watch him doggie-paddle away in a huff, part of you worried that you’d somehow set him off. Like you’d activated that part of him from the night you met, the angry, bitter part that he’s been holding in the entire trip so far.

But what could you have done?

Nothing, as far as you’re concerned. He’s neither a friend nor a lover. He’s just…someone you know through Namjoon. Just a cursory orbiter in your solar system. You barely think about him when you’re apart.

Well…you used to.

Now, as you watch him watching the water, it’s all you can do not to stand up on wobbly sea legs and stumble over to him with crossed arms and demand he tell you what’s wrong. And, more disturbingly, now as you watch him watching the water, there’s a strange, sickly sweet part of you that wants to sit beside him and press the bare skin of your thigh against his.

“He’s just moody,” Yoongi says from beside you, the first words he’s spoken to you during the entirety of this trip.

Your eyes go wide and you turn only your head — it’s the only part of you that’s not squished between him and the inside of the boat — to look at him. Pale and pretty, Yoongi is watching Jimin too. But with a considerably less troubled expression than your own. He slides his eyes toward you and offers a small, barely there smile.

“You’re worried, right?” he continues.

You think for a moment, think about lying, but the motor on this boat is far too loud for anyone else to hear your conversation and besides…it sounds like Yoongi’s got some information on Jimin that you want to know.

Not that you like him or anything.

You nod. “Yeah, a little. Things were really cool all day today, but…,” you begin, then sigh and shrug. “Seems like maybe he doesn’t like me much.”

Yoongi scoffs. “Doubt that,” he says, then rolls his eyes like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, whatever he’s thinking.

Only it’s not obvious. You have no idea what’s going on in that genius brain of his, and the way he eyes you sidelong let’s you know he’s not going to tell you. Not easily anyway.

So you sigh and rest your cheek in your hand. “I just think he hates me,” you continue, doubling down, hoping that circumnavigation will get you to the treasure.

Yoongi cocks a brow. “He definitely doesn’t hate you,” he says, and there’s something in the word ‘definitely’ that sounds like he’s hiding something inside it.

“We were having such a nice time,” you go on, feigning a heavy sigh, “but then poof. Like nothing even happened. I think I made him mad.”

“If you’re trying to get me to gossip about my friend, I’ll tell you right now,” Yoongi begins, then leans toward you with a conspiratorial smirk, “all you had to do was ask.”

Your eyes alight and you grin. “Really?”

“Jimin’s scoping you out,” Yoongi says, nodding once like again it’s obvious. “He’s testing the waters.”

“Why?”

“Duh,” he says with a laugh. “He’s interested in you. Has been since we all met at the bar.”

You stiffen. Interested? You can’t really fathom it. Someone like him, a bona fide and self admitted heart breaker, is interested in you? Perhaps you’ve been dating too many Hanseuls but the thought of a Jimin being interested in you is inconceivable.

“How’d you know?” you ask, narrowing your eyes at him.

He smiles and shakes his head. “We’ve been friends for ages now. I know when he’s interested in someone,” he says. He pauses, glances at Jimin only to find him now staring with wide eyes at the two of you. Like you’re sharing secrets. Which…you suppose now that you are. “He doesn’t always know though.”

“Really?” you ask, meeting Jimin’s worried eyes from across the boat. You offer a smile, almost like a white flag, which he doesn’t reciprocate.

“He’s been through bad relationships in the past. You know how that goes, from what Namjoon says,” Yoongi pauses to laugh.

You go hot. You didn't known Namjoon had made your relationship information public domain. You’ll have to have a word with him soon. “From the way he talked at the bar, sounds like he’s the one who puts other people through bad relationships.”

“No, that’s a recent development,” says Yoongi, nodding. “He wasn’t always like that. Used to be a really attentive guy, but…I dunno. You get burned one too many times and you start doing the burning I guess.”

You cock a brow. “Is that right?” you ask, and plead with your unreasonable heart to stop pounding like mad in your chest. Why are you so excited to learn about him? “Seems like a real player.”

“Who still uses that word?” Yoongi teases with a laugh and you’re surprised by just how often he laughs. “Anyway, no. He only seems that way. He’s actually, like…really possessive and jealous. Kinda what self destructed his last real relationship.”

“No way,” you say, recalling what he’d said that night.

If you get hurt you’re the one whose expectations were too high.

Was that advice for me or for himself? I turn to look at Jimin only to find him with that same nervousness etched into his features. He swipes his tongue along his bottom lip and knits his brows. You don’t know what exactly he’s so afraid of, don’t know what sort of relationship has warped him so badly, but you’re certain that this anxious, worried Jimin is the real one.

And so is the one who helped you at the zipline on the first day.

And so is the one who held your hand underwater.

And so is the one who is still giving you the silent treatment.

You understand better than anyone that emotional trauma manifests in many ways. For you, it was burning your first easel and giving your paints away to your cousin back in high school. For you, it was getting a boring office job to make your parents proud. For you it was dating Hanseul after Hanseul expecting it to be different.

It’s never different.

But there’s one thing you know for sure: Park Jimin is very, very different.

The Fijian bar is packed to the nines with tourists from all walks of life. Some tall, burly men in Hawaiian shirts — somehow simultaneously on brand and horrendously off brand for Fiji —, a few couples kissing and toughing over margaritas, a bachelorette party — who can afford a bachelorette party to Fiji? — and a whole hosts of other guests flood the scene. It doesn’t seem like Namjoon’s cup of tea, however, and it isn’t yours either. Not really. You prefer lively dive bars with questionable clientele and cheap drinks over tourist traps like this. But as they hand you your cocktail in a plastic tiki mug, you decide perhaps the campiness isn’t that bad. Especially as you take your first sip and realize they pour as heavy here as they do back home.

Jimin’s still boycotting you, and you don’t even bother wondering why. Different is alluring, it’s enchanting, it’s intriguing…

But it’s still dangerous.

And besides, once you leave this island and the magic spell breaks, you’ll see everything more clearly. Jimin included.

And so you’re boycotting him too.

Eagerly, you stand smushed between Yoongi and Jungkook as the fire dancers — is fire dancing even Fijian? — take the floor with an artistic flair. The crowd is electric, excited, and extremely drunk as you all chant for the dancers to take the stage. (Really, is fire dancing Fijian at all?) Jungkook grabs your shoulder and shakes it, causing you to both jump and laugh at the same time, and the three of you stand under the glow of the lanterns hanging on strings overhead. If you look up, you almost mistake them for stars.

As the dancers begin their performance, you cheer with all your chest, and you feel someone press close behind you. You can tell from the firmness of his chest that it’s Namjoon, staring over your shoulder at the stage. It’s hard to get a good view, especially with everyone so drunk, so you lean back and tilt your head out of his way. One hand drapes over your other shoulder as the other nurses his drink and you chat easily with Namjoon despite the physical proximity.

You two may as well have been siblings, anyway.

Had Jimin been that close to you…

Well, you try not to think of that as you work your swirly straw between your teeth.

“Pretty cool,” Namjoon says, but you catch the way his voice sounds just a little listless.

You turn slightly to face him with a grin and, poking his cheek where his dimple would be if he smiled, you giggle. Oh boy, you’re drunk. “I know you’d rather be dancing in caves or fishing for eels, but this can be fun too!”

Namjoon relents with a smile and swats your hand away. “You’re right,” he says easily, sighing as he rests close behind you. “Although fishing for eels sounds really cool.”

You smack his leg with the back of your hand and he responds with laughter. “You know, eels are actually-,”

“Hey,” says a voice you hardly recognize, a voice belonging to Jimin. Only when he speaks now it’s so low and deep in his chest it doesn’t sound like him at all.

You didn’t notice, but he’s taken up Jungkook’s spot at your left and he’s staring at you, all wrapped up in Namjoon, like you’ve committed a horrible crime. For all you know, you have. Nonetheless, you’re too drunk to be too worried and you give him a bright smile and a wave with your drink-less hand.

He edges closer, skin electric as he presses against your side. “You’re smashed,” he remarks, like it’s news.

You laugh. “Mhm!”

He furrows his brow. “You sure you’re good to stay out here?”

“I’m watching, don’t worry,” Namjoon offers with a well-meaning smile.

But this only serves to make Jimin bristle further. He stares at you two like you’re a disfigured monster, two conjoined bodies linked from chest to back, a horrible science experiment gone wrong. And you can’t decide what mixture of emotions is dancing in his dark, heavy eyes but you know it’s no good.

“Alright then,” Jimin says with a sharp nod. “I won’t worry anymore.”

Only you want him to worry. If you’re being honest with yourself — which you are now because he’s right, you’re smashed — you want him to do more than worry. You want him to take your hand and hold it tight. You want him to press his lips against yours in the hallway by the bathrooms. You want his hands on your hips, then on your legs, then—

Well…

Jimin turns around to skulk back to the bar and you let him. Things are spinning and they’re getting too intense too fast. That’s the difference between A Jimin and A Hanseul. That’s the devastating difference. Where Hanseul adds stability, constancy, a bland sort of expectation, Jimin adds…

Excitement.

Perhaps it’s the old artist in you, the one you push down so fervently you often wonder if it’s died in there, but the idea both entrances you and terrifies you in equal measure. So you stay leaning back against Namjoon’s chest, swaying as you watch the fire dancers dazzle and delight, and watch out the corner of your eye as Jimin begins chatting with a particularly attractive blond tourist at the bar.

You pretend not to notice Jimin’s hand on the stranger’s thigh.

The next morning the stranger’s in your Airbnb. You’re the first one awake, having had a wicked headache as soon as you opened your eyes, and as you stare blankly into your coffee mug you hear footsteps coming almost bashfully from down the hallway. Nobody else is around in the living room. Just you, your coffee, and the footsteps. Squinting, you watch as the stranger, not even registering your presence, tiptoes down toward the kitchen and rifles through the fridge. Watching carefully, you almost laugh at the way the stranger picks up each fruit, inspects it, and puts it back before settling for a yogurt.

“Sleeping over and stealing food?” you remark, and you mean for the comment to sound teasing and playful. But it comes out bitter. Sincere.

The stranger lets out a particularly sharp scream before turning to you and dropping the yogurt onto the countertop. “Oh! Uh…shit…I’m…sorry I’ll just…go…now, uh…”

You can feel the awkwardness rising in the room, the sense of intimate dislike coming from both of you — mostly you. And before you can say another word, the stranger is gone, having shuffled like a raccoon caught mid-trash-heist out the front door with a click. You sigh, grip your nose bridge, and shake your head.

“Wow,” says Jimin from the hallway, leaning against the wall with crossed arms and a frown. “Very mature.”

You roll your eyes. “You know it’s not that kind of trip and you still brought a stranger over,” you say, then look at him square. You’re both fuming. “At least vet the people you sleep with to make sure they’re not thieves.”

“It was breakfast,” he says. “Jesus Christ, you’re so stiff.”

Your body goes cold. Who is this new person in Jimin’s skin? Gone is the warm, comforting man who’d helped you day in and day out. In his place was someone new, someone off-putting. You clench your jaw. “Yeah well at least I don’t invite randos over to a shared Airbnb.”

“God,” he groans, lolling his head back like you exhaust him. “Do you ever get tired of being such a fucking stick in the mud?”

You feel your spine stiffen and set your mug of coffee aside. “Pardon me?”

“Like, does it ever get tiring?” he repeats, rolling his beautiful eyes, giving a cruel smirk. You hate that those beautiful lips can curve so wickedly. “Oh, I can’t do it! Oh, I’ll just stay back! Oh, I don’t even like painting,” he says with a dramatic mimicry of your own voice.

How does he know about the painting?

Namjoon…

Your throat constricts. “I’m trying, Jimin,” you say, but your voice comes out thick, labored. Because it’s not true. Because you’re not trying. Not in the real world. Not when you leave this island.

If you keep talking to him, you’ll cry for sure.

Just like before.

He laughs. “Trying?”

“At least I give enough of a shit to try at all!” you snap, and you expect regret to seep into your chest immediately, but it doesn’t come.

Jimin seems taken aback. He cocks a brow. “What’re you saying?”

“At least I’m still brave enough to care,” you continue, standing to your feet and brushing past him. You pause beside him and fix him with a hard glare. “Don’t talk to me again,” you say, and you spit the final word, “ever.”

And he doesn’t. Not as the pack travels through town and picks up little trinkets. Not while you stick practically glued to Namjoon’s side through alleyways and along crowded streets. Not during the night hike or the cave exploring or the picnic on the cliff. Not for days.

Not at all.

And you’re relieved, you think, that he’s respecting your request at least.

But you’re also burdened so heavily it’s like weights on your chest all the time. Because when you happen to meet his eyes, in the instant before you both look away, you see a fresh sort of hurt and you know it’s you who inflicted it this time. You know you touched on something too sensitive. And just because he poked at your open wound doesn’t mean you had a right to poke at his. There’s a vulnerable sort of awareness between you two, awareness of each other. So as you avoid touching the exposed skin of his shoulder with your hand while reaching for a necklace at a street vendor, or as you sweep a hand out in the darkness of the cave, seeking purchase, and nearly grab his forearm, the two of you are quick to repel like magnets.

You sit on a surfboard now, and the moon makes a road of light along the water just as the sun had. It’s the middle of the night, and you’re straddling both sides of the board as the waves rock you back and forth. And you tilt and you sway and you shut your eyes. A few weeks ago you’d have winced at the idea of floating out in the water at night, feet dangling over the expanse of ocean nothing below that extends who knows how far. You’d have called yourself crazy.

Maybe you are crazy.

Maybe that’s a good thing.

You open your eyes and see that road of light. Namjoon told you once that the Swedes have a word for it. Mångata. He told you that last night as the two of you sat on the beach. You’d been doing that lately, too uncomfortable to spend much time in the Airbnb with Jimin lurking about in the shadows and the walls and the scent of the pillows. He’s practically everywhere in there, even when he’s gone.

Namjoon also told you he thinks something’s wrong with Jimin. Something’s shaken him up.

You told him you didn’t care.

And he didn’t tell you anything more.

You kind of wish he would have.

Jimin hasn’t brought home any more strays, not since you and him had your monumental blowout. And while you’re glad he’s respecting you and the others more, you’re also worried. More worried than that day on the boat. More worried than that night at the bar.

Because you see it too. What Namjoon sees. Something is wrong.

Jimin floats several feet away, breaking the mångata into shards of displaced moonlight. He’s a silhouette, small and dark, but outlined by glowing silver. He’s beautiful, even from so far away. Especially from so far away. Ethereal. His head bobs a little and he smiles as he chats with Jungkook and Hoseok. But the smile isn’t all the way there. Even so, it’s lovely. Perhaps because he’s the only one in the road of moonlight, or perhaps because even a halfway ghost of a smile is beautiful if it’s Jimin.

For a painful, blissful moment, almost too short to note, almost too fleeting to feel, you have the irresistible urge to paint it. The road of moonlight, the mångata, leading right from the heavens to Jimin. Shattering like glass, the moonlight breaks behind his board. But he’s suspended in it.

You might cry again just looking at it.

You’re sure you’re all choked up. Night surfing shouldn’t make you cry. But you can’t help it. It’s like your art teacher said, like glimpsing sublimity. It’s torment, staring at it, knowing you can’t paint it and even if you could…you wouldn’t do it. You know your face reveals it all. It always does. And you know that if Namjoon so much as peeks at you, he’ll know you’re about to cry.

Not that he did the night you first met Jimin at the bar. In fact, the only person who seemed to realize you were near to tears that night was-

Jimin seizes your wandering, teary eyes. They lock on hard, like a vice grip, and hold tight. The moonlight’s on you, at least from where Jimin sits on his board, and you’re close enough to make out his features so you know he can make out yours. His eyes go wide like he knows and you know he knows for sure now because he’s paddling with his hands for rudders toward you which makes you panic for real and spin wildly around toward the shore.

You paddle and paddle like mad until your toes touch sand and you abandon your surfboard in the crashing waves forgetting it’s attached to you by your ankle. So you drag the surfboard behind you as the surf tries to drag it back. You know you can easily remove the ankle band and carry the surfboard like a normal person, but God you can’t seem to manage actually doing it because your heart is racing and you feel as if Jimin has unwittingly seen an extremely, horribly, heat-achingly intimate moment.

“Wait!” he calls, breathless, mere yards behind you despite you head start.

You’re crying in earnest now, sobbing as you fight with the cord tethering you to your board, tethering you to that moment on the waves. It’s like you and the surfboard are becoming one thing; you’re completely helpless to the whims of the ocean as it tears you back and spits you out. The tip of the foam board keeps rocking against the sand before the whole thing gets yanked out again and, frustrated, you finally bend down too late to disconnect yourself. But by the time you and the surfboard are once again separate entities, Jimin has run up behind you and is standing, panting, with his surfboard against his hip.

Your tears fall right off your chin and into the water around your ankles before they disappear on the receding wave. An ocean of stars is splayed out overhead, but you can’t even lift your eyes to see it, hands braced on both your knees, sobbing.

And this is the moment.

The moment you finally snap.

And when it happens, it does hurt. Bad.

Because Jimin was never really just Jimin, not really. He was more than that to you, represented more than that. He was the easel you burned. He was the art college brochure you hid from your parents. He was the job listing you saw as an apprentice painter three weeks before going on this trip. He was every missed opportunity, every chance you rejected. He was all of it wrapped into one pretty package.

And he’s staring at you.

You manage to wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, but it’s not enough to stop the tears. It’s as if a valve has broken in you that can’t be fixed until everything’s been spilled out of it. An old valve too. As old as you.

“Shit,” he says, like it’s a catchphrase.

You sniffle. “You said that before too,” you choke out through sobs. “At the bar back home.”

He looks at you horrified for a moment before shaking his head. “I know, I…I just…sometimes I do and say things that just fucking suck, you know? Like they just…,” he says, tormented, as he rakes his fingers through his sea slick hair. “Like I can’t help it. It just comes out.”

“Because you’re hurt,” you say, still crying, nearly incoherent.

And his eyes snap back to your splotchy face with the kind of intensity that sets things on fire. “Huh?”

You nod. “That’s why you like me, right?” you ask, sniffling as you struggle to stand upright. “Because I’m hurt too. Hurt people find each other.”

Jimin is still and silent as stone before slowly, he touches a hand to his cheek and keeps it there. “I…it’s not like I’m hurt,” he says. “Just…that my first real relationship ended badly.”

“Yoongi told me,” you say, finally in control of your rapid breathing. “A little.”

Jimin stiffens before, like a rock, collapsing on the ground with his feet halfway in the waves’ path. Not knowing what else to do, you join him. “I thought we’d be together for life, you know? Like…I really believed that.”

You think back to Hanseul. Did you ever feel that way about him? “Mhm,” is all you can choke out.

“But…you know, things fall apart. I guess I was…I was expecting too much without giving all of myself,” he begins, nodding once as he wiped the space beneath his eyes. “Like you said. Half of me.”

“Did your ex say that to you?” you ask carefully, minding each syllable as you forced them out.

He nods. “Just like that too. You’re only giving me half of you and expecting all of me in return,” he repeats, sighing. “That’s why I did it!” he imitates.

“Did what?”

He’s quiet, and you know now why he was so hard on you at the bar. Why he’d known exactly where your weak points were. Because they were his weak points too.

“Why are you crying?” he asks finally, the elephant on the beach.

You swallow hard, the tears having slowed enough to see properly. Enough to see all your friends enjoying the surf and the moonlight. “Because it just…hit me,” you say slowly. “All at once, with no warning at all. It…hit me for real.”

“Is it because we’re leaving soon?”

You shake your head. “That’s not what I mean.” He’s quiet and you know he’s waiting for you to continue. You’re waiting too, if you’re being honest. To find the words. To understand it. “I mean…all of it. The entire crushing culmination of everything I’ve ever not accomplished.” You pause, watch your hands as they lace and unlace. “I think I get why Joon wanted us to come out here.”

“I was jealous,” Jimin admits. More like blurts, because the way he looks now once you meet his eyes is like he didn’t mean to say it. He’s blushing like crazy and he’s got a feral look in his eye. You await his next admission. “Of you and Namjoon. Even though it’s stupid. Even though we…you and me…we aren’t…”

You blink at him. “We aren’t what?”

“We aren’t anything.”

“Who says?”

He stares at you for a long moment. “Then you and Namjoon?”

You shake your head. “Good friends.”

“I…well shit,” he says again, a mantra. He rubs his forehead. “I’m stupid.”

“Yeah.”

“Just…you kinda reminded me what it was like to, like…,” he begins, tossing the words around in his mouth like they still aren’t right, “like feel butterflies, you know?” He shrugs. “To wanna show up for someone. To wanna try.”

You stiffen. It seems the two of you had a propensity for finding each other’s Achilles heel. You’d pinned him as well as he’d pinned you. “I…,” you begin, but there’s nothing you can say. Nothing you can do.

Well…

There is one thing.

But that one thing would change everything. Not just between you and Jimin, but between you and you. Between who you try to be and who you are. Between the life you’ve told yourself to be happy with and the life you want, the life you need.

This one thing…

It’s going to take more than a little courage.

If you’re feeling really nervous, I’ve heard it helps to shut your eyes and count to ten. Like, tell yourself you’re definitely gonna do it once you reach ten and just…go.

One.

He’s staring at you with stars reflected in his eyes.

Two.

Your heart is racing.

Three.

Your palms are itchy in the sand.

Four.

But he’s looking at you, looking like he really sees you.

Five.

Hanseul never looked at you like that.

Six.

Nobody ever looked at you like that.

Seven.

He’s red, his whole face.

Eight.

You’re shaking.

Nine.

Don’t you want to paint it?

Ten.

You lean forward on your hip and, without a word, press your lips agains his. They’re soft, every bit as soft as you imagined and softer, and his skin yields against your light touch. You shuffle closer and so does he, hand snaking around your waist to rest on your lower back, head tilting to deepen the kiss. There’s no teeth-clashing, no cataclysm. There’s a tenderness that only comes from understanding, and it’s warm pressed against him. He draws you closer, holds you by the waist now, you arms around his neck and hands lacing through his saltwater hair. He tastes like ocean, like coconut and sunscreen and salt. And his skin it hot beneath your fingertips, flaming practically. You can’t stop inching closer and closer until—

He pulls away for a breath, eyes wide and so close your noses touch. “Shit,” he exhales, only this time the word feels nice.

And you don’t know what this means or what you’ll do when you get home, but you know you’ve got to quit your job. And you know you’ve got to dust off your easel. And you know, most definitely, that you’ve got to kiss Park Jimin again.

And so you do.

Again.

And again.

And one more time for good measure.

And as you pull away, breathless, your eyes lock and he smiles just a little. “Does this mean I can talk to you again?” he asks.

You shove him lightly by the chest only for him to pull the two of you back together again like magnets, only this time you don’t repel. He smiles so bright it eclipses the moon and, without moving, without breathing, you ask, “Can I paint you?”

[kachulein]

Got tagged by @ultkyu to answer some questions! Thank you dear, I'm so excited for this~🥺💞

1. If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?

× I'd be a cat, 100%. Cats are my love and my life, I've always wanted to be one, tbh (not in a furry type of way, but I feel like life would be easier if I was a cat, lmao). I love how cats take no shit and do whatever they want. They're very independent and individual and I'm all here for that.

2. What two anime characters or kpop idols are your type?

× Can I do both anime characters and kpop idols??

× As for anime characters, Jaeha from Akatsuki no Yona and Kirito from Sword Art Online are totally my type!!😍

× And in terms of kpop idols... omg,, how am I supposed to *only* name two?? Hmm, thinking about it, I guess not all of my biases are my "type" per se... but there's two that come to mind right now hhhh. One of them is Kevin Moon from The Boyz, he really ticks off (almost) every bullet point in my list for my "ideal type" and honestly, this list is freaking contradictory and has vvv high standards but Kevin is THAT boi, basically my imaginative ideal boyfriend personified. :') And the second one who I'd say is totally my type is Hwang Hyunjin from Stray Kids. I've always loved drawing him the most of all kpop idols and I still do tbh (but I can't fill my feed on my insta art account with JUST Hyunjin drawings,, you know,,,). His fashion!! I'm so here for it and vibe with it so well. Plus,,,idk,,, I feel like I could connect to him in some ways so ajxjsjdjjs yeah. There's just something about him and Kevin that inspires me so much, I really love these two bois.

3. Are there any writers or artists (art or music) that inspire you? If so, list 5.

× YES. I decided to name a few artists because I realize I've never talked about the artists whose artworks inspire me the most. They're all on Instagram, so I'll be naming their @'s

a.) @/shooky_dough: I'm probably not the only one who knows Nikki, hehe, but her art is SO amazing. She's got this really distinct style which I'd put into the category of semirealism. Her kpop fanart is soooo good and I used her tutorials to learn how to get better at sketching. If you look at the sketches I've been posting for the past few months on my insta art account, you'll notice that they're highly inspires by Nikki's art. She's definitely the artist I'm looking at most in terms of inspiration and improving on my own art.^-^

b.) @/angelganev: His art is sooo pretty. He does semirealism and I've found him by browsing through pinterest to find some art inspiration/references/tutorials. He also does drawing contests in which his followers can draw one of his work he selects in their own style and he gives a shout out to the ones he liked best. It's always interesting!!

c.) @/melmadedooks: This man can draw about ANYTHING, he's so talented. He used to draw lots of his 'dooks' and I've found him through seeing some of his works on pinterest (again, lol). I've actually redrawn two of his 'dooks' and posted them to my art account AND HE LIKED BOTH OF THEM, I WAS SO HAPPY OMG!!! He used to draw his dooks using only one coloured pencil, so I've also started experimenting with that and instead of using a graphite pencil, I used coloured pencils for my sketches and those gave off very different vibes that I really liked!!

d.) @/rezajeez: Probably *the* kpop fanartist I've been following for the longest of times. They are AMAZING!! They mainly do huge photorealistic portraits with INSANE details. It's funny actually, because their work is the complete opposite to shooky_dough's work. While Reza draws photorealism on a big surface (probably A3? maybe more??) and draws very detailed, Nikki focuses more on sketches/more semirealistic and "simplistic" art and it's usually drawn quite small, so seeing these opposites really broadens my horizon, I think^^

e.) Last but nor least, @/rossdraws: In my opinion, he's the modern day Bob Ross! His art is so freaking stunning, have you checked out his digital art landscape series?? The amount of talent this man holds in his pinky finger is more than I've got in my whole body like- OOF a huge inspiration to me!!~

4. If you could play any instrument, which would you play?

× The guitar!! I really want to learn how to play it~

5. If you could choose one anime to live in, which one would you choose and why?

× Either Ouran High School Host Club or Your Lie In April. The first one is just so much fun and I'd love hanging out with the host club members and as for the latter,,, I just really want to be here for Kousei and help him through his anxiety because I know so well how it feels like and I also wish I could sing while he plays the piano, we'd be a great duo✊🏻😔 (I'm sorry, I couldn't choose one)

6. This is a bit of an old DeviantArt fic trend, but if you received an Android of your favourite character from any anime/show/etc., who would it be?

× Hmmm... that's a great question omg there's so many amazing choices I could make😭😭 But I think I'd go with Kirito, I just really really love him ahhhhh

7. Is there anything you would like to do but haven't because your friends/family didn't want to do it with you?

× There's actually a few things I could name... first, I really want to go bungee jumping (preferably from the Macau Tower, as it's the highest bungee jump in the world😍) but my fam and friends think I'm crazy for wanting to do this but I'm actually quite an adventurous person which probably not many people know about me, so I love doing stuff like that.✊🏻😂

× I would also really like to travel with friends... it's not that I dislike travelling with my mom and stepdad but whenever I can't take someone with me, I feel like such a child ??? idk,, never travelling (I wanted to say "without adults" but then I realized I AM an adult) on my own with friends and always tagging along with my parents kind of make me feel like I'm not independent or mature/grown-up for it. But I feel like none of my friends want to travel with me... most of them have a travel buddy already but I just... don't akdjsjs

× and last but not least, getting more specific, I really want to travel to Hawaii and South Korea, but so far, I haven't made it there yet :c

8. What's your favourite flower?

× Cherry Blossoms all the way💞 but all flowers are beautiful and I really like roses, too.

9. What are some of your hobbies?

× My hobbies include singing, drawing, dancing, writing, reading, researching astrology, studying Korean, watching youtube videos/netflix, listening to music and OF COURSE DAYDREAMING✊🏻😔

10. If you were going to be stranded on a deserted island with nothing but the clothes on your back and a bag, what would you put in the bag?

× I'd definitely put food and water in the bag, my phone, earphones, a portable solar charger with a USB cable (so that my phone won't die and I could chill for however long I want while watching kpop mv's and then also use my phone to call for someone to rescue me from this island once I start running low on resources), all the books I still want to read, my art supplies and a few sketch books, some towels that I could use to lay on or use as blankets, a pillow and my teddy bear, and obviously a toothbrush and toothpaste, a hairbrush and a few hair ties and bobby pins (you don't want long sweaty hair stuck to your skin during a hot summer ewww), some soap to wash myself and my clothes, sunscreen and also some insect spray to keep the bugs away!! (it's a big bag, okay)

~

Sorry for writing such an essay omg!!

Here are my 10 questions:

1. What compliment you've received meant the most to you?

2. Would you rather meet your favourite celebrity/group/bias and realize they're not at all how you imagined them to be like (maybe they're not as kind as you thought, for example) or never meeting them in person but it turning out that they're actually the amazing, kind, sweet, generous, etc. person that you thought they were? (I hope that makes sense hhhh I think the ethics of this question are really interesting)

3. What's your current favourite song you always use to get hyped up to or a song currently stuck in your head?

4. If you had to write the book of your life, what genre would it be and what would you choose as a title?

5. Name your top 5 musical artists and your favourite song of each of them?

6. If you were invited to a big humanitarian event and had to give a speech on a topic you'd want to bring about a huge change for the better, what topic would you choose to speak about and voice your opinions/ideas? (Assume public speaking is one of your strongest assets and you'll ace this no matter what)

7. What is something (a skill, personality trait, or something appearance related, it can be whatever) you wish you had and/or you really admire in other people?

8. What's your favourite anime/show/youtuber (you can answer whichever you got an answer for, it can be all three options of course :D)?

9. In kpop, are you more into vocalists, dancers, rappers, maknaes, leaders, or visuals (or maybe a mix of some/all :'))?

10. What's your most beautiful/favourite memory?

oof I hope these questions will be interesting to answer🥺 hmm, Imma tag @littlefallenrebel @jinniesmeow @softpastelmx @yeonki @hanstagrams @marculees @chrryjin and anyone else who'd like to do this~💞💞💞

[ggukcangetit]

Long Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @ezralia-writes

tagging : anyone else

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

first song by bts that i heard was probably IDOL but what made me stan them was probably Boy In Luv lmao. the aggression that all the liddol bangtan babies had in the Boy In Luv performance + Tae in orange hair growling.  yup that was it.

—

T W O

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

1) what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

idk if goals can be unrealistic lol. dreams may be unrealistic. but whatever. unrealistic goal 🤔 that i can change my sleeping and eating schedule in one fell swoop lmao idk

2) if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

that’s morbid lol. but i would’ve cleared my desk at my workplace. idk if i’ll ever go back and it has a lot of pictures of my friends and family there.

3) what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

okay full disclosure but im basically always prepared for a zombie apocalypse. so i carry a lot of things with me when i go out.

4) favourite type of plushies and why?

anything soft and not creepy looking idk???

5) favourite song right now?

Black Swan has been looping in my brain the last few days

6) something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

archery

7) tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

i was once asked to take my aunt and cousin around the city and we got tragically lost and this story basically never leaves me now lmao

8) headphones or speakers? why?

in public its obv headphones (what kind of question is that) but if im at home id always prefer speakers.

9) craving any food right now? what are you craving?

everything? lmao. but specifically food from home which i haven’t had in more than 6 months.

10) which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

i use itunes because its there. but maybe changing to spotify soon?

My Q’s:

what was the weirdest dream that you’ve woken up from?

if you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be?

if you could meet a fictional character, who would it be?

what dish/food/meal do you hate to prepare?

would you rather live in the mountains or at the beach? why?

what’s the first thing you see in a potential friend?

which is your favorite Sherlock Holmes adaptation and why?

if you could play one sport with a celebrity of choice what would it be? and with whom?

what makes you the most angry?

if 2019 was a color, what would it be?

—

T H R E E

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

—

F O U R

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better!

PERSONAL

name: cha

nickname: over here it is cha and cha only lmao

birthday: september

zodiac: virgo

nationality: Asian

languages: 3+

gender: Female

sexuality: Straight

height: 5′9

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: movies/series sometimes make me super philosophical lol. plus i’d say people around me also inspire my creativity.

meaning behind my url: it is so hard to come up with a catchy bts related blog name D: but i wanted something with gguk because its super endearing.

blog established: 2 months.

followers: 84 i think 🤔 

FAVORITES

favourite animals: turtles

favourite books: a thousand splendid suns by khalid hosseini is still one of my favs

favourite colour: shades of blue

favourite fictional characters: i love sirius black lmao. also death from sandman

favourite flower: i don’t like flowers ew

favourite scent: coffee + freshly baked bread/desserts

favourite season: summer

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 6

cats or dogs: both?

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee (iced tho)

current time: 5.31 pm

dream trip: i really want to go to Seoul and Tokyo

dream job: i had a random dream of becoming a patissier. maybe i can do that later in life who knows.

hobbies: i’m bad at this. anything that i feel like doing at the moment i guess

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

last movie watched: the last thing he wanted (that anne hathaway movie on netflix which deserves to be thrown into the trash imo)

last song listened to: Yeah! by Usher

no. of blankets you sleep with: one

random fact(s): hmmmmmmmm i like to have something savoury after dessert. always wanted to be good at some sport. 

F I V E

10 things i can’t stop listening to

Black Swan - BTS

Yeah! - Usher

In Silence - Janet Suhh (It’s Okay to Not be Okay soundtrack)

December, 1963 - Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons

Friends - BTS

Filter - BTS

Shove It - Santigold

Boy With Luv - BTS

Mic Drop (Steve Aoki remix) - BTS

Airplane pt. 2 - BTS

[krreader]

swim | chapter 1

pairing: min yoongi x reader fandom: bts warnings: non idol!au ; sex shop!au ; college!au ; language ; mentions of masturbation genre: smut ; angst ; crack ; fluff

summary: what he wanted was someone he could have casual sex with. what he got, was a co-worker that he wanted much more from.

a/n: listen, this idea deserves its’ own fic. this is fucking AMAZING and I knew as soon as I read the request that I would never be able to wrap it up in a one-shot. idk how many parts it’s going to have, but it’s going to be filled with smut and angst and probably a lot of crack too. but I do hope you all like it ♥ (also, I’ve been meaning to use that gif for ages, I’m so happy omfg) (also, title/this fic is inspired by yet another chase atlantic song with the same name that you should def listen to because it’S AMAZING)

ask box | masterlist | fandoms | faq | multifandom reader blog

You know what's fucking tragic?

Being surrounded by porn, sex toys and other things that would make most people go horny, while not having had sex in more than three months.

Yoongi was beginning to lose his mind if he wasn't going to get laid soon. But it seemed like every girl he met that he thought was hot and good for a one-night-stand, wanted more. And he just wanted to have sex. How hard could it be to find one person in this goddamn city who was on the same level as him? To just want to bang and then never see each other again?

The answer was: very.

His friends had tried to set him up with various girls, but then they either wanted to text for ages, or go on dates or told him right from the start that they wanted more than just a simple fuck.

He hadn't always been this way, of course.

But after his break-up with his girlfriend for over two years, he just felt like he wanted to enjoy himself some more.

But apparently the universe wouldn't grant him his wish, no matter how hard he wanted it.

Yoongi didn’t do the job at the sex shop because he wanted to, but because it paid a lot of money. And you know, being a uni student didn’t exactly pay well, so this was his best option. It actually wasn’t a bad job, most people that came in here were either elderly men who wanted to buy porn, or women that wanted to buy lingerie. Also some couples who were looking at sex toys and the likes..

He didn’t mind any of that. He was open to all of this and he wasn’t paid to judge people. So he didn’t.

He was currently going through the cash register before the shop would open, when his boss showed up with a huge grin.

A grin that made him awfully suspicious.

“Guess what!”

“What?” he didn't look up from the notes in his hand.

“I think I found you a new co-worker.”

“Huh?” at that, he did look up. He didn’t like working with new people. He’d rather work alone, “Why would you hire someone new? I'm fine on my own and with Hoseok working the weekends..”

“I know that you're fine on your own,” he leaned his hip against the cash desk, “But I feel like you could still use some help. You have never asked for a day off and if you did, I wouldn't have anyone else to work here, since I don't have the time to be in the front of the shop. I'm doing this for future purposes, because I need to think ahead, you know?”

“Why would I take a day off?” it's not like he had any reason to. You know.. it’s not like he had a girl he could see. To sleep with. Because he couldn’t find one for fuck’s sake.

God, he was so frustrated.

“What if you get sick, then? I'd have to find a replacement and Hoseok's schedule wouldn’t let him work week days. Anyways, you're going to like her.. she's..-”

“Her?!” he finally dropped the notes, his eyes widening, “You hired a chick?!”

“I'm a business person, Yoongi. And you know what this shop is missing? You know, a store where mostly men go into? A woman.”

“Oh, so you're using her because you think it's going to attract more customers? That's fucked up.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged and walked over to the porn DVD's and mindlessly starting ordering them, “But she's pretty and she's willing to do the job. And all the other people I met with were either old women or men in general. She was the only one in the age group I wanted, so she's getting the job. And I want you to teach her how it all works, since she's doing the shifts you're doing.”

This was bad. Really bad.

Usually, he really respected his boss and he had a good relationship with him, but using a young and pretty girl to attract creepy old man was a huge red flag and he knew he'd have to watch the girl like a hawk and had to make sure not to leave her alone with any customers that looked shady.

In addition to that, he had to make sure to control himself. He was horny most of the time at this point and his own hand didn't really do the trick anymore. If his boss was right and his new co-worker was as pretty as he made her out to be, he'd have a big fucking problem.

“When does she start, then?” he asked with a sigh.

“Tomorrow night,” he grinned from ear to ear, “She's really excited to meet you.”

The bad thing? He was excited too, as much as he pretended not to be.

“A girl?” Hoseok was literally bouncing up and down on the couch as soon as he heard the news, “What's her name? How old is she? Is she pretty? When is she going to work?”

“Hyung, calm down,” Namjoon laughed and tried stopping his flat mate from bursting from excitement.

“I don't know anything,” Yoongi took a sip from his drink, “He just said she'd start working tomorrow and that she's pretty.. and she's doing my shifts.”

“What?! So I won't get to work with her?” he pouted, “That’s not fair, how come you get to work with a pretty girl and I don’t?”

The fact that Hoseok was jealous made him grin, even though he hadn't even met you yet. Maybe you weren’t that pretty.. maybe you were a moron.. or maybe you were a creep? Who knew?

“Why would a pretty girl work in a sex shop, though?” Taehyung asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“True,” Jimin laid back down on the floor, his head now in Jeongguk's lap, “Does she even know what kind of people go in there? Most of these guys go in there because they're horny.. what if something happens to her?”

“Nothing is going to happen to her, I just told you, she's working my shifts, so I'll be around her at all times.”

“Maybe you'll finally get laid then, hyung,” Taehyung clapped once, “Imagine.. you could have a friends with benefits relationship with your co-worker. That’s the dream for most guys, isn’t it?”

“OR,” Jin chimed in, “You two could become friends.”

“I don't know if hyung could do a friendship with a girl in the state he's in,” Jimin laughed, but stopped the second that Yoongi threw him a death glance, “Sorry.”

“Did you text the girl I gave you the number of, hyung?” JK cocked his head to the side, “She was so interested in you..”

“She has also just turned 18. I'm desperate, but I'm not that desperate..”

“Whatever,” Namjoon was the first to get up, picking up the two beer bottles he had drank, “I'm off to bed, I've got an exam tomorrow morning. Text us and let us know how it went, hyung.”

And then one after the other left to go to bed, Yoongi being the last to do so.

So many thoughts were rushing through his brain and all of them revolved around his new co-worker. He never really wanted or needed someone to work with him, especially because he liked the solitude the sex-shop offered. But the more he thought about having a female around, the more he liked the idea. And not just for sexual reasons, but because Jin might have had a point.

He hadn't had a female friend in ages, maybe this could be his first one.

Nevertheless, his body acted quicker than his brain could and the thought alone to have someone pretty around him at all times made him go dizzy and soon after he realized why, because all of his blood seemed to have rushed to his penis.

God, he needed to get laid, seriously.

Otherwise he'd have to see a doctor because he'd dislocate his wrist if he kept jerking off every night.

The shop was already open and the first customers were already browsing through, some at the porn sections, others at the toy section, while he was going through boxes with some of the new lingerie that his boss had ordered.

He hadn't even heard him come in.

It was only when he heard someone giggle, that he turned his head.

The feet were the first thing he saw, then, slowly but surely, he began letting his eyes trail up, until they landed on a pair of (Y/E/C) ones.

“Yoongi, this is your new co-worker,” his boss said in a cheerful voice.

“Hi,” you smiled kindly, “I'm (Y/N).”

Yeah, no, scratch that idea of him and you becoming friends, because you were way too attractive for him to keep his cool around you. And it was then that he realized that the next couple of weeks, maybe even months of you working with him would be absolute torture for him.