#idk maybe it would do certain people some good to know that not all abusers are obviously abusers from the start

[youwillfindilluminating]

I get why critical role wanted to delete all the content that had brian w foster in it but at the same time the digital archivist in me is like... you can’t...just DO that...?

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/749333039047442432/httpsolderthannetfictumblrcompost74884185043?source=share

Sorry, long rant incoming.

Someone in the replies said it, but I think it needs to be said again where everyone can see it: I think a lot of the attitude that anon is somehow secretly pro-censorship because they think certain preferences are skeevy, and strenuously insisting that bad attitudes can NEVER be media's fault.... idk, maybe take it out of the context of debates about sexually explicit/pornographic media for a moment?

There are works of media that had pretty direct effects on activist and political movements, good and bad. Uncle Tom's Cabin inspired a lot of people to fight against slavery. The movie Birth of a Nation, which showed a history of the U.S. with the KKK as heroic, is considered by most historians to be a major contributor to the revival of the KKK in the 1920s. The Nazis used films, books, music, art, and so on in their propaganda, knowing it would help their ideas go down more easily. The Soviets did too. Every dictatorship did. Even democratic countries have done it as well, usually but not always in more subtle ways.

Do none of those count, because "oh, people who were going to be convinced by Birth of a Nation would be racist anyway"? "Good, non-racist people wouldn't be convinced by it"? I mean, the latter is true: there were plenty of people, especially black Americans but plenty of white allies too, who boycotted the film at the time. The NAACP led a boycott. But do you really think NO ONE was convinced? (What about people who previously didn't feel any way about it one way or the other? Were they just innately more evil, even if it might've just been that they weren't aware? Do supposedly progressive people in fandom realize how much this sounds like Christian original sin rhetoric...) And does it matter purely about media fully changing minds, or also how it galvanizes people who already think one way? If it gives them new talking points, new ways of thinking about it and convincing others? If it helps them believe their cause is more important and worth fighting for?

So why does this all suddenly change when we're talking about sex? Is porn really this special class of media where somehow all the rules about how we can both like things and also be critical of how media (fiction, news media, whatever) influences us - "be critical of the media you love," as a tote bag sold by Feminist Frequency said - just stop applying for some reason? Or maybe if something is bypassing your rational brain entirely and going directly for the pleasure centers, there's all the more reason to think critically about what it's saying? Propaganda is designed to bypass all that, too.

Also, if media really has NOTHING to do with it, that just wouldn't explain why it's disproportionately anime that feature these specific elements that seem to attract more people arguing for why it's wrong to be upset by rape or child exploitation in real life. I don't believe that everyone who watches slavery isekai or lolicon approves of those things irl - I think for the vast majority of people, it IS a fantasy and that's the point - but I have noticed that in places like the Anime News Network or Crunchyroll forums, the comments become a cesspool of creepy people arguing for why ages of consent should be lowered and mean feminists who don't like watching media with rape in it just need to get over themselves, in a way they just don't when you're talking about Attack on Titan or My Hero Academia or Shoujo Romance #4891 or whatever.

As another person in the notes said, abusers ARE opportunistic. They'll use something like Twilight as easily as they'll use the most uwu, soft, "non problematic" ship to argue for why they're allowed to abuse you. But I don't think that means we can't be critical (not calling for censorship, of course! but like, writing op-eds and stuff) of media that makes their arguments a little easier, maybe even directly makes their arguments for them.

You can believe both that everyone has the opportunity to read, watch, listen to, play what they want and make up their own minds about it, and that it's wrong for the government to ever decide what media is and isn't "acceptable," and also believe that media often is saying things that aren't apparent on the surface and that you should be critical of those messages, *especially* with the stuff you like.

The point is just that porn isn't like, fundamentally different from other fictional media in this way. (Or, hell, I would argue that fictional media isn't functionally different from other mass media in this way. If anything, fiction's politics are often more insidious in a way that makes it easier for them to reach people who might not otherwise be open to those messages in the form of, say, blatantly right-wing news media.)

It's particularly strange to me when people jump all over someone for expressing how something can be insidiously creepy in a more mundane way. The line people are upset about that used the word "unpack" was just making the point that even if we can agree lolicon isn't outright advocating pedophilia, even if we agree the point is that it's a fantasy and they're not like real children at all and that's what people like, it's still working within an idealization/fetishization of helplessness, innocence, and dependence, and that still has a lot that you can critique from a feminist perspective. It's still a thing that plays into some crappy societal ideas about who women are supposed to be, and is selling that to men as a romantic ideal. There's still a lot we can talk about there! And it's still totally fair for women to be wary of men where that seems to be all they're into - because for some (and I believe this was what anon was initially trying to say was their experience), it does impact how they treat real women. It doesn't have to be everyone for it to have an impact.

There's a lot of anime that presents women that way, even way outside of lolicon. A lot of it's anime I like! I'm still critical of that aspect of it. I still wish that particular part of it were different.

I still don't see how this makes me "pro censorship" unless I believe some kind of institution should mandate that that not be included. And whether that's the government, or the industry itself (people do kind of narrowly focus on "the government" in a way that would make a lot of industry-run censorship that was still very harmful, e.g. the Hollywood Hays Code, not "count"), or anyone, I very much disagree with that. Creators should be able to create what they want. A lot of what creators are doing with this is unconscious, is reflecting societal biases they learned but haven't thought deeply about.... which is precisely the point of critiquing how those show up in a work.

People love to talk about "secretly 'anti' attitudes" but at the end of the day, support or opposition to censorship is pretty straightforward. You believe someone should be stopped from making a particular kind of media, or you don't. If you don't, you're not pro-censorship, no matter how much you personally may not like that that media or a particular aspect of it exists. Most people who care about media have some media they wish didn't exist. It's about what they do about it that makes them pro or anti censorship. Talk to people who donate to or even work for the ACLU or other anti censorship groups; most of them don't like racist or sexist stuff, but they also don't believe it should be banned and that's the point.

Bringing it back to the discussion at hand, I think the point was just that you can't be blind to how power dynamics influence this stuff. I wouldn't even say specifically cishet men are at fault here, since some people who read this blog seem to think that anyone saying that is automatically talking about bioessentialism as opposed to like, societal stuff (don't ask me why, this has been explained on here enough times in enough different discourses over the years, I think). I'd just say anyone with power in that particular context. There's a reason why it's specifically mainstream media, aimed at groups in power, that tends to draw in creeps excusing the real thing... in a way that just similarly is not true of people in fanfiction fandom, who are usually a member of one or more oppressed categories, exploring that in their own marginal work. Fans of rape fanfiction just don't act the way that fans of slavery rape isekai do. It's because there is fundamentally a difference both when you're someone whom society tells you are entitled to everything you want in this particular arena, and also when a work is mainstream, broadening its reach, and speaking a particular message from the lens of people with economic and social power (who are making these mainstream works) and given approval by publishers/media studios/etc. in a way that is not the case with amateur work with tiny audiences. And, frankly, there's a difference between something that eroticizes rape from the point of view of the perpetrator vs. the victim.

Not a difference in terms of how legal it should be. Not a difference in whether every single person who watches it or likes it is bad. But a difference in terms of what it's saying, how it's saying that, and often the effects they have as a result. That, too, is true with every topic, not just sex.

I feel like a lot of people getting mad at these do fundamentally agree with this, but just have a weird blind spot when it's put in any sort of terminology that reminds them of certain bad arguments they've seen in fandom, uses any words that can be dismissed as "radfem" or "anti" or whatever, and so just refuse to engage with the actual meat of what is being said.

If you do actually believe though that it's wrong to EVER think media can have a negative effect on what people believe about irl issues, because there was always something "already there" that was going to "come out anyway" if it affects you that way (again, people: this is "original sin" rhetoric), and if you ever privately judge people for the media they like you're secretly pro-censorship. You do have to recognzie that both you personally come up short and also most peopel doing real concrete real world things to fight censorship would also come up short!

I think sometimes of an editorial that said "if you love Return of the Jedi but hated the Ewoks you understand feminist criticism" in terms of how you can be bothered by the sexism of a piece of media in a way you'd be bothered by any one individual element of it, and still overall like the whole. And also, you can be offended by something, even wish it didn't exist (don't we as nerds all have entries in some franchise we like or another that we wish didn't exist for fannish reasons?), without believing that it should be officially made to stop existing or have never existed in the first place. That last part does actaully matter as like, its own thing. It is in fact separable from just being able to have personal judgey feelings about media and about the people who liked it.

And opposing it does not mean in any way that we have to just stop thinking critically about the media we love, or that we have to act like media can never have any influence on people. We on the left tend to talk about sexism, racism, homophoia and so on as being influenced by culture and society. Well, guess what is part of society and culture? Fictional (and other kinds of) media. That's part of that societal programming we get. It's why you'll see some of it even from people whose parents very much tried to resist teaching them certain things, because they get it from media anyway. I was raised by strenuously feminist parents: it was the media that taught me what gender roles were and how I was expected to adhere to them.

--

Look, I realize it's a bit rich of me to say this, but people are not going to engage with your actual points if you cannot be more succinct.

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

The way Condal, Hess and co write certain characters, especially Alicent, just makes them look like some kind of aliens who cannot comprehend the core of human nature and familial bonds (motherly love, sibling dynamic...) . I mean, fine, maybe they aren't parents honestly have no idea about their private lives nor do I want to know ), but that still doesn't justify the atrocious manner in which they have been portraying Alicent's relationship with her children. And I dislike the explanations that come from one part of the fandom (she married against her will, never wanted those children, never felt freedom...) I mean, I don't deny these, but they are not enough to explain or justify her weird (and sudden imo) detachment and dare i say, borderline hatred of her sons. Not to mention that this was the life of westerosi women, basically every one of them. Also, Ryan talked how Alicent and Viserys had "a loving marriage, just weren't in love " and generally holds Viserys in high regard, so he obviously doesn't see him as Alicent's abuser or anything. That's why i cannot understand what is the point of showing her so disgusted by her children and incapable of showing them love. Otto's influence? Maybe, but still not the greatest explanation. And she seems even harsher and distant to her sons this season than Otto ever was to her. She doesn't seem broken over Jaehaerys, she doesn't seem overly upset over Aegon (he's burned alive and is dying ffs and she won't shed a tear), Aemond is apparently an ireedemeable monster in her eyes fur some reason, even before RR... It's so frustrating that there are people who eat it all up and justify it as a genius and subtle storytelling with a lot of details that we "the whiners" refuse or are unable to grasp. Idk, I really liked her in s1 and although she was a bit inconsistent in ep 8 and 9 I hoped it would be retconed. Unfortunately, this season I'm watching a character I don't recognise anymore. And the worst thing is that she doesn't suffer from a lack of screentime like Aemond or Helaena do. Almost everything on tg revolves around her and yet I still have no idea what is her goal or who she is anymore.

Sorry for the rant.

Hello!

I could not agree with you more. Not sure if some kind of personal/family circumstances of HotD writers played a role in them fumbling the Greens family dynamic so badly but I am convinced that their "women good men bad" narrative policy did.

In "Driftmark" Alicent orders for Luke's eye to be cut out (and immediately, in public) - and then attacks Luke and Rhaenyra herself. But a few minutes (in show time) later she repents - and after that, apparently, she is all for "violence is reserved for men" agenda. That's where her disdain for Aemond (in whose name she was about to commit a public act of violence herself) is supposed to come from, I think. It doesn't even feel like she is horrified precisely by the fact that he might have almost killed (deliberately at that) his own brother. Lack of consistency and logic? Yes. Obliviousness at best, hypocrisy at worst (from Alicent, I mean)? Yes. But who cares, right? Alicent does not support the evil deeds of men - and that's what matters.

And her treatment of Aegon looks even more moronic. Girl, you put him on the throne against his will! After her meeting with Rhaenyra she knows it was a result of a misunderstanding (the favourite trick of this show, dammit - but it is a topic for a whole another conversation) but how is Aegon to blame for it?

I can relate to Alicent growing tired of being used and manipulated - but IMO (I agree with you here as well) this is not a good enough excuse for her to fully go into the "fuck yourselves, the lot of you" mode. But for the writers it is, at least it looks like it. They were trying to sell us the bullying of Aemond by Aegon (combined with the former's desire for power) being a sufficient motivation for Aemond to get rid of his brother (during the civil war where they are supposed to be on the same side no less) - and now they are trying to justify whatever Alicent does with her being a child bride and so on and so forth. I have no love for Viserys (or sympathy for Otto - where it comes to him pimping his teenage daughter out to the king) - but turning Alicent into this and expecting everyone to eat it up? Come on. Even some casual viewers are going "WTF" watching Alicent's scenes with her children, never mind those who are familiar with Fire and Blood.

And double yes to the point about the show very heavily focusing on Alicent to the detriment of many other characters (Aemond first of all). It feels like the writers believe that all that audience is supposed to know about Aemond now is that he is a bad guy - and they give him just enough screen time to show that. Meanwhile Alicent has loads of it - just so we could get a really good, really long look at her face and understand just how bad patriarchy failed her.

So, as I see it Alicent is now no more than a means to the end of hammering home the main idea of the show. How does she do that and what happens to her character in the process is unimportant - at least, to the writers and showrunners.

Sorry for the rant as well🙈

[robintherobiner]

This is an interactive story. The next part will be based on what you guys choose.

Warning, the story heavily revolves around dark topics, like suicide, abuse (all types), bullying, all that jazz. It's an au, HEAVILY canon divergent. So, idk proceed carefully

"If you're watching this, it means I'm dead."

Suddenly, Jason wished he'd never bought the sticker covered camera. He'd seen it in a charity shop, looking all lonely on it own little table. All the other camera were old, and had dents and scratches, but this one looked almost new and bursting with personality.

It had cost a lot, of course, and Jason had considered putting it back down. After all, he didn't need a camera. He was pretty sure Bruce had one at home anyways.

But then he'd seen a sticker, right under the shutter button, and he'd recognized his own costume. Whoever had owned this camera had liked Robin, his Robin, with curly hair and freckles instead of tanned skin and sparkly shorts. He had to buy it now, he thought, and so he did.

Jason pressed the play button again, and stared at the kid on the screen. He looked pale, and far too skinny for someone who, if his Bristol accent was anything to go off of, clearly had enough money to buy food.

"Sorry. I realize that was probably, like, a really big thing to say. Or, not big, I guess, it was only eight words. Tough? No.. Eh, whatever." The kid shrugged. "Point is, sorry. You picked up my camera though, so you have three options."

The whole situation is bizarre. He sort of assumed there would be pictures of nature, or videos of some cool tricks if the skateboard stickers are anything to go off of. Not a fucking death announcement.

Still, Jason is curious. Is the kid in danger, and thats why he thinks he's going to die? Or is he sad? Jason lived on the streets, he's not a stranger to people who's heads are clouded, people who think things will never get better. He's never felt that way personally, but he's known lots of people who ended up hurting themselves.

"First, you could just throw the camera away. A bit of a waste, since it's pretty good quality, but whatever. Second, you could delete everything on here and just use it yourself. I'd be okay with that. Photography is fun. Or, if you wanted, you could watch these videos."

Here, his cheeks flush, as though embarrassed. Its hard to hear, but Jason thinks he can hear the boy mutter something along the lines of what a dumb thing to say.

"Even though I'm going to die, I still sort of want to do cool things. Have a coming-of-age movie moment, you know? But I can't have one, so the next best thing is to try give it to someone else." Camera Kid paused. "I think coming-of-age movies are only for teens, though. It would be cooler if I, like, changed the life of someone who's already an adult. Cuz people my age aren't fully developed. That's shaping a life, not changing it. Changing a life would be much harder than shaping one."

Hm. Maybe Jason should give the camera to Dickhead. He's an adult, legally. Give the kid, whoever he is, his wish to try change a life.

Jason would never admit it, but he can't help but snicker. There's no way some random kid can shape or change a life. Especially not with a... Jason checked. Not with a one and half minute video.

"But if that doesn't happen, it's fine. Not like I'll know anyways. I like this camera, so I'll only give it away just before I die. Unless I come back as a ghost who's like, tethered to this camera, I'll never know if anyone watches these videos."

With those words, Jason sobered. It didn't feel funny once he remembered that whoever this kid was, dumb hopes aside, was clearly certain he'd die. If what he said was true, then he already was. That made Jason feel really bad for laughing, and even a little sick.

He'd seen dead bodies before, even his own mom's. He'd watched, smelt, and heard people die. He'd talked people off the ledge, both metaphorically and literally. But this? Holding the beloved camera of a boy who was most likely dead? It made death feel melancholy in a way Jason had never felt before.

"So, yeah. You have three options." The boy says, and reaches out to end the video.

Jason didn't know what to do. Really, he has four options.

[youremyheaven]

Your Angelina Jolie post is super interesting!

(Yapping incoming)

You briefly talked about her childhood and I think something interesting to add is that Angelina says she got called ugly when she was younger for her lips (I say that allegedly as I haven’t actually seen the og sourcewhere she says it). I was never super into the whole Claire Nakti punarvasu beast ugly to pretty video idea, as a native myself, *but* I do feel like it’s common for punarvasu to be called ugly/ experience appearance related trauma in childhood.

Either way I feel like I do see quite a few young Angelina haters who say she was ugly when young- even though us women of culture know she’s always been gorgeous- she did have a physical “awkward phase” in that sense of how she was widely perceived.

Also Maleficent is kind of a punarvasu core role when you think about it. Definitely some other major astro influence in the role as well, I’m not super familiar with her chart. However starting off kind, having someone take advantage of your giving nature, turning into a controlling and unkind leader, and then “returning to the light” by learning how to be kind again through love for a child who saw through the outer “ugliness”. Idk sounds a little punarvasu core to me

I feel like it’s frustrating to guess these things when someone has a planet in the first house which also rules one of the nakshatras, in this case saturn and pushya. It makes it so much harder to go off of appearance. For me personally I spot pushya women by their narrow but full lips (alongside the other traits you mentioned). The beautiful pushya moon native Tripti Dimri has this trait- her lips are full but their shape has a certain narrowness to them.

Going back to Angelina, as you said she has the pushya look anyway bc of cancer + saturn influence, but idk I’ve always felt like it’s a different vibe? The saturn nak women feel a bit more calm and “closed off” if you will(?)

Her having a Jupiter placement would explain this tbh. I’m kind of obsessed with her when she played “Corky”, whenever Jupiter (or mars actually) women do a masc look they eat it up every time!!

I thought Claire's Punarvasu video about ugliness was most relatable to Punarvasu men perhaps because men externalise their traits whereas women internalise them. So Punarvasu/Jupiter men playing the "Beast" made sense to me because they feel hideous and when it's projected outwards (our thoughts create our reality, when someone thinks or believes they're ugly they experience things that affirm this belief?? if that makes sense??) they are perceived as Beastly by others. Also Jupiter dominant people, be it men or women are hella intimidating as all these naks have feline yoni animals (cat, tiger, lion who are all unapproachable and intimidating in their own ways) I think if others are intimidated by you, they're less likely to approach you and if you feel socially isolated like that, you're more likely to think "oh it's because everyone hates me/because I'm ugly" and I think maybe that's why Punarvasu natives struggle with "feeling ugly". Claire did also say that being isolated was a big theme in their lives. It could also be because of how Jupiter's boundlessness means these natives contain too much substance, both good and bad, it's only with age and wisdom that an individual learns to tune out the negativity and focus on the goodness so because of all the internal negativity the natives "feel ugly". Another reason could be that having really turbulent and difficult childhoods are kind of part of the Jupiter experience, if you grow up feeling neglected or if you're abused, you're not going to feel good about yourself?? A lot of people who have childhood trauma also struggle with their self image. Kali Uchis, Punarvasu Sun, Vishaka Moon & Rising spoke about it in this interview about how being abused as a child meant that she hated being looked at or seen :(((

Angelina has mentioned that she hated modelling (which she did briefly as a teenager)

Omg 😳😮 I had never looked at Maleficent that way but damn that does sound very Punarvasu core especially since her own Punarvasu Sun daughter Vivienne was cast to play the young Princess Aurora because all the other kids were scared of her lmao 😭😭

Sleeping Beauty is closely linked to Revati/Pisces as well (She has Revati Moon & stellium)

You're right it is hard to determine bc of her chart 😭😭But Pushya natives imo have longer slimmer faces because of their goat yoni, Angelina's wide expansive face and features are giving Punarvasu 🤌🏼

But also I feel like Saturnian women are very comfortable with their femininity from the get go. They don't transform into it, like Angie did (which is a Jupiterian quality). Salma Hayek, UBP Moon, Madhuri Dixit, Pushya Moon, Miranda Kerr, Pushya Rising, Mariah Carey UBP Sun, Monica Bellucci-Pushya Moon are all Saturnian women who are known for their hyperfemininity. It's inherent to them?? They have this very exaggerated femininity (Pushya is considered the most feminine nakshatra) that I don't see with Angie. She's very poised and elegant now but I see her individuality before I see her femininity?? If that makes sense lol and like you said Saturnian women are 100x more mellow, more composed and overall chill, Jupiter is what creates a more bold/loud in your face kind of persona.

Idk what Corky is 😭😭😭😭please tell me I have no clue 🥹🥹

[theerurishipper]

After learning about the leaks about Paris special, I just want to say that all of the comics and headcanons fans created speculating how they would be in emoverse are much better than what we got. Wouldn't it be ironic to say that they're born evil like Chloe in ogverse and that some backstory doesn't justify their wrongdoings. They are evil and very much proud of it with either their cringe worthy fails or terrifying terrorism

Agreed. Like, I don't mind the arc they were intending for with Chloe, I don't mind them showing that some people can't change, but then they'll redeem the terrorist/abuser. And they'd rather say that Chloe is just inherently evil without exploring or acknowledging the backstory and motivations they wrote for her. That's the issue here. And now Shadybug and Claw Noir are going to get some half-assed redemption. Honestly, I would have preferred them being evil, you know, like an everyone has a good and bad side in them and who you are depends on the choices you make kind of thing, especially since Miraculous is so fond of redemptions.

I get it, that's just my wish and the show doesn't have to follow my exact preferred storyline to be good, but the information we have doesn't paint a very promising picture either way. Considering the bullshittery of the Season 5 finale and Gabriel's shitty-ass redemption, it really just feels like this special is pushing the Gabe Is Good agenda in our face, you know? I mean, Guardian Angel? For the child abuser in our main continuity? The one who doesn't seem like he did a good job in the alternate timeline either seeing as his son was so unable to process his grief that he became a magical terrorist? This guy is called Guardian Angel? I mean, maybe he did his best, but we won't know until we watch the special, and the show has a habit of blaming Adrien for Gabriel's actions anyway, so. It just feels like it's pushing the "some people are good and some people are evil no matter in what continuity, and Marinette and Adrien are good deep down, and so is Gabriel. But Chloe is just always evil lmaooooo." I don't mind it too much, but shit's still kinda weird, man.

And like, what do you mean "Shadybug and Claw Noir don't even like each other?" That's kind of the whole appeal for a lot of people lmao, and they hate each other? I mean, I'm not going to judge it based on my expectations and say it's bad just because I didn't get what I wanted, but... really? And I'm also gonna go out on a limb and say Hesperia and Claw Noir have no personal interaction despite them being father and son and Adrien's motivation being to bring Emelie back. Like, at a certain point, it crosses the line from being my insignificant expectation to being just... bad choices and an inability to create proper payoff. I think Hesperia interacts more with Marinette than Adrien in this special. Getting major Season 5 finale-esque "Marinette replaces Adrien in his arc" vibes.

But I'm not disappointed, surprising as that sounds. I never expected it to be good. I was always just here to see Claw Noir on screen so I can properly pick him up and toss him into my fanfics. I was excited for the special, sure, but I didn't have my hopes up and the leaks seem to have proved me right. Idk, maybe they'll surprise me. I doubt it though.

Thank you for your ask!

[torialefay]

As someone who also has insomnia and severe sleep deprivation- I can tastefully say that 90% of the time I flick it is to solely sleep.

So yeah, it does help but you gotta go 2-3 times before you get exhausted enough to sleep ( at least for me).

So I wouldn't be surprised if Chris was the same and I'm for sure certain he has giggled and gone feral over the...

'No lube, no protection, on the kitchen floor, to the trampoline, against the washing machine, in the dirt, on the side, hands in front, hands behind, playing twister on the ground, in the drive-thru, behind the shower curtain, with the hot sauce, covered in chocolate ice-cream, slam against the windows, drool over the sink, bent into a pretzel'

Long ass paragraph ppl leave on Instagram and has the intrusive thoughts and being like-

I got something else to help me sleep again tonight haha

also the effort people make to write those long paragraphs and the creativity they have is insane.

Idk whether to be admired or scared for them.

first of all: i am SO SORRY. TWO TO THREE TIMES?!?! THAT'S HOW LONG IT TAKES YOU TO TIRE OUT?! i will never complain ab my life again, that really takes the cake i'm so sorry 😭 i would love to be able to say "omg relate so hard", but tbh i'm out as soon as my head hits the pillow... but if i get a good knut in, my brain is already turned off on my head's descent to the pillow. I'M SORRY YOU MUST BORDERLINE ABUSE YOURSELF TO SLEEP 😭

"the creativity they have is insane"... proceeds to write a very detailed long-ass paragraph herself 🤪 i know u couldn't help it though, just giving christopher some extra fuel for tonight 🥵

what i'm gathering from all of this is: (1) maybe he is having to get off at least once if not more???? (2) the more he has to get off, the more he has to fantasize ab different situations??? (3) the more he has to fantasize ab situations, the MORE LIKELY HE IS TO BE READING OUR SMUT FOR IDEAS.

have i taken this out of context? maybe. but is christopher probably excruciatingly horny and getting off to the shit we type? almost exclusively the answer is yes.

TOPHER, if you're out there, i do not give you permission to be on my page so you better lurk quietly in the shadows

watch, he actually has an anon emoji for half the people on this app 😭😂😂😂

[me-saw-hoo-dini]

Kind of a vent post a little bit? I’m talking about the DSMP and a little bad about Nogla and Terroriser

Bro my Twitter is a fucking shit storm rn where every other post is about Dream or Tommyinnit and I do not give a single flying fuck about either or any of them. I did watch the dsmp and I was a huge fan of literally everyone but drama after drama with some shit being true and this that and the fucking other I deleted my original Twitter and unsubscribe from everybody. I don’t want to hear jack shit about ANYONE anymore whether it’s good or bad no matter if they did anything bad or not when I was watching them I do not give a fuck do not show me that shit. Now there are people from the dsmp that I’ll get posts from/about on rare occasions and I feel nothing but sorrow cuz I did love them and they never did nothing wrong no drama or nothing (to my knowledge but like Techno, Puffy, Ponk, etc) and I reminisce about them but other than that I mainly want that shit off my fyp.

The way I do not give a fuck about any of them is that literally any one of them could come out as pedo or abuser or ANYTHING and I would just shrug and go “eh fuck them they can rot in hell” and then simply carry on with the rest of my day. Like okay I probably would be pissed about it like I was with Wilbur but that was more towards the whole “Shelby is lying” and or “Wilbur did nothing wrong” idiots and then Wilbur trying to play it off? Idk maybe I would care I’m not sure how to explain it I just know I don’t wanna hear from/about them anymore at all. Same shit even if it was something happy like “oh they got married” or “oh they had a kid” like… ok cool idc. I keep marking tweets as not interested or even not relevant and I keep getting tweets! Twitter for whatever reason will not let me mute words either so I’m just stuck here having to see these tweets and mark them.

But I know deep god damn well down in my heart that this shit isn’t going to just stay on twitter cuz I know damn well that Terroriser and Nogla are gonna milk this drama on their react channel and I’m going to die inside. Like for the love of god DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THEM MY GOD. Now they might not make a reaction video idk but I just know that somehow they’re gonna bring it up sometime. Fun fact that’s why I don’t follow Nogla, Scotty, or Kelly on Twitter because they talk about the DSMP from time to time and I …

I’ll be real Nogla’s alright or whatever but sometimes he really does frustrate me when he brings up drama out of no where. Like Miniladd for example. Now let me get this shit straight FUCK MINILADD THAT ASSHOLE CAN DIE but Nogla brings up Miniladd any chance he can get and it’s just not funny at all to me it just makes me roll my eyes. “That guy looks like a certain someone we shall not name” “ohh that voice yikes” SHUT UP AND MOVE ON like you’re watching old clips and guess who y’all used to play with I’m gonna pull my hair out. Now Terrorizer isn’t really that bad cuz him and like Wildcat and even Delirious like one time will crack Miniladd jokes sometimes and they’re HILARIOUS you know why? Cuz they don’t take every opportunity they can to bring him up (and they’re really fucking good ones oml)! The only time Terroriser brings up drama that I know about is either back to back to back on the react channel depending on the topic of course or when he’s making the funny one off jokes in random videos (or random one off tweets) while Nogla my god I can tell 94% of the time when he’s about to bring up Mini and just GOOOOOOOD. Idk if maybe Nogla is getting more views/better ratings when he does talk about drama but euugh.

I just don’t wanna hear about any of the DSMP members anymore

Edit: thinking back on it I guess it is a little hypocritical of me/not entirely fair that I’m getting on Nogla and Terroriser for their drama reaction vids cuz like they’ll all make videos specifically about drama like the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard videos but too be fair I also didn’t care about their drama or really care for those videos but I did watch them and there were some funny moments that I laughed at (and I also laughed my ass of at Terroriser/Lanai’s “@AmberHeard there’s always onlyfans” tweet) so idk man I’m just sick of the dsmp and Nogla making Miniladd jokes Ig (ºل͟º)

[0lk0s]

rhysand ramble, idk if i make sense

i absolutely despise rhysand. like i need stronger word than hatred to convey my feelings regarding him.

BUT IM EVEN MORE PISSED ABOUT THE WASTED POTENTIAL OF HIS CHARACTER!!!

in the first book he was sort of interesting character and I was actually looking forward to learn more about him. because he was actually giving morally grey character, but of course sjm had to make him the good guy while still using his 'moral greyness' as a shield against all the heinous things he did. she took a sort of morally grey character and transformed him into goody two shoes who can't do no wrong and all he does is make the world better place. like???!?!

if he was presented as 'yes, i did those terrible things and no, i don't feel remorse, because i FEEL like i had to do them' then maybe i wouldn't hate him. because i don't hate him for the things he did, more so i hate him for not being able to admit that he did them and it's wrong. and im talking about UTM, illyrian women, CoN women and children, his abusive behavior to Feyre, his weird vendetta against Nesta. all of those are wrong. period. there should be no debate, readers should be able to say 'oh, what he's doing is wrong' but instead we got rhys/feysand stans arguing that he is 'morally grey' and he had to do it blah blah blah. is sjm to blame for presenting it this certain way? yes! but also you as a reader should think about what you're reading and not parrot what is written on the paper. because news flash i can write 'color red doesn't exist' and from my pov it might seem like it really doesn't exist, but you know that is not true.

but back to his potential. his character could have gone so many interesting ways. we could have gotten redemption arc because he wanted to be a better man(fae male?) for feyre. we could have gotten corruption arc and feyre having to fight him. or he could have stayed in the morally grey area for all i care. it would also be interesting to see how his power troubles him and the question of what is okay and what no to do with it. his trauma could have been also addressed and discussion about how it manifests in his obsessive need to be in control would also be nice. but no we got this PERFECT 500 year old male with some nightmares who did bad things but only to protect the people he loves, but other than that he'd NEVER done anything bad in his life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that all the nuance surrounding him disappeared because sjm had to self insert herself into feyre lmao.

im down to have civilized discussion but idk if it's possible in this fandom.

[lunar-years]

i think roy’s the first person jamie’s ever told about his trip to amsterdam, and i know some people think he’s told georgie about it or at least that georgie knows something bad happened. but. now i’m curious about what jamie talked about in his session with doctor sharon. do you think he only went the one time? maybe focused on his dad’s physical/emotional abuse?

on the Amsterdam & Georgie front: I do have an explanation/reasoning for why i don't think he's told Georgie. I was just messaging someone about it yesterday! But in any case I am pretty convinced Roy was indeed the first person Jamie told. (However there's a really good alternative take in the fic I recommended about Jamie and Amsterdam, in which he does tell Georgie and it pans out in a specific way. That's the one argument for him telling Georgie that I've seen so far that really makes sense to me within a canon context, lol)

it is super interesting that you would bring up Jamie and therapy and Dr. Sharon though, because i was genuinely JUST thinking about this!!! I think a fairly common consensus is that the "don't speak to me like that" language we see in the Wembley locker room is a line direct from Dr. Sharon, and/or that Jamie is king of therapy etc. idk...I'm not convinced on either front. I'm not NOT convinced, either. I don't have a super strong opinion on it one way or another because I don't think there's really enough evidence to support either conclusion, but.

I will say, I personally think the one scene we get of Keeley taking Jamie down to Dr. Sharon's office is not enough to indicate Jamie loves therapy and keeps going back. Like, with Colin we get several small lines/details to show he's consistently seeing her, and we do not with Jamie, which is notable I feel. Yeah, he's shown to be all pleased to be talking about himself in the 2 seconds we see after he sits down with her, and it's a funny moment but... it's very superficial. Jamie likes talking about him in a certain surface-level way for sure, but he definitely keeps personal things about himself and his past close to his chest IMO. So to answer your question, yes I think it's a real possibility that he only went that one time.

As for what they spoke about...the reason Keeley brings him down there is very explicitly because he's complaining that no one on the team likes him, and I do thing that's what they discussed. That's also a problem that get resolves in the very same episode, and I'm not sure Jamie would have the self-insight at that point to be like "hmm maybe I should keep going back to therapy so we can dive into my Dad Trauma." Personally, I think when Jamie isn't immediately dealing with his father he is extremely good at putting him out of his mind and telling himself "that doesn't bother me anymore." He strikes me as generally being like, "Oh yeah i'm totally over everything bad that's ever happened to me! It's so not a big deal 🤪" deflection behavior. That is, until something happens that triggers him or he has another encounter with the man and then it's like...actually yeah that problem has never gone away and I've never actually dealt with any of it! So maybe he goes back for a session or two after Wembley, I could definitely see that. But I don't really think he keeps up with it once Dr. Sharon leaves.

I certainly do hope he returns to it after s3 though!

[bookofmirth]

i know fandom drama is always talked about to death and i'm probably not adding anything new to the discussion, but i feel like the way this fandom treats lucien and mor in comparison to elain and nesta and azriel is very representative of white feminism. i'm growing very tired of fandom discussions that center around uplifting elain and nesta because of girlboss feminism and azriel - their favorite bland man to project a personality onto - while ignoring the struggles of non-white, non-straight characters who are also victims of abuse.

sooo many people in this fandom fall back on choice feminism when discussing nesta and elain - like if you don't support their "choices" (despite being fictional characters with no agency of their own), you don't support women's choices, and thus you are a bad feminist. not only is this a logical fallacy, but it also doesn't allow female characters to be multi-dimensional, to make bad choices, to not just be morally "good" all the time. idk if this happens with feyre too or not, but most discourse i see is around nesta and elain.

whenever certain people in this fandom see sympathetic discussions of lucien and hopes for him to have a happy ending (sometimes with elain, sometimes not), they complain that you care more about a man than a woman that he "inflicted trauma on." they only see the social divide in terms of gender, never examining how race also plays a role in the struggles lucien has faced - never even considering that a male poc could also experience abuse at the hands of tamlin and his family. and so many people hate mor for not being a "girl's girl" towards nesta, because they believe feminism is only about women uplifting women, never considering the way that mor's past struggles with abuse because of her gender and sexual orientation have shaped her to be wary of people that are (in her eyes) unnecessarily cruel.

i do recognize that the feminism in sjm's books is fairly basic, so maybe that's to blame, but it's unfortunate the fandom can't take a more intersectional approach

Anon, I totally agree. Have you read @gimme-mor's posts about this? She did a great job of outlining some of the issues with the ways people talk about female characters in the fandom, and the surface-level feminism that is used in this post and in this one.

It makes sense that the fandom would engage with discussions of privilege and gender (and race and class etc.) on a rather surface level, since, as you pointed out, the flavor of feminism that is featured in the series is very focused on gender and rarely takes other identities, marginalized or otherwise, into account. It's #girlpower with no thought about individual differences that those women might be experiencing that actually have a huge impact on what "choices" each of them can make.

With Lucien, there is also the issue of his disability, but it's quite easy to dismiss him as a villain when all people are looking at is his maleness. It's not as simple as "woman = good" and "man = bad", but that's how people act.

The fact is, none of these characters have a choice because they aren't real people, as you also pointed out. There is no such thing as supporting a fictional person's rights because those rights literally don't exist. They do not have agency or autonomy or.... literal fucking existence in the real world, and so it's absolute malarkey to act like we need to be respectful of a fictional character, and to bully and shit on a real person in doing so.

I remember when I said that Elain is privileged it pissed some people off, but I think that also comes down to a misunderstanding of what privilege actually is, hand-in-hand with this Feminism Lite. There are a lot of great potential conversations to be had about these characters and the world they live in and how they interact with one another, the ways in which they are limited or have access to power, but it's kinda hard when people are more concerned about being right in the ship war.

[littleshysheep-at-da]

do you have any headcanons regarding the pontiff or demon lord?

Still gotta start with the obligatory I LOVE that people are still asking about my KumoDesu Headcanons❤️ it feels like a meme but my reaction is basically “VALIDATION” every time lmao🤣

Hmmmm I don’t really think I have any for Dustin? I guess I don’t think of him much haha. I do think he is a really well done Character and I would’ve loved to expand on him raising Shinbou though! Oh though funny enough two of my favorite lines in the whole Novel involved Dustin. (Paraphrasing vol 6) Ariel’s line about “language being humanities’s strongest weapon, and Dustin wielding it exceptionally well” just the idea of language as a weapon is really good. (Also Paraphrasing vol 6) Also Mera’s absolute DESTRUCTION of Dustin with “nothing you have/can give is worth as much as what you’ve taken” like wholly shit this line changed my whole way of thinking but damn is it true. Doesn’t really apply to Dustin cause I wouldn’t call him an abuser, but there are so many cases were you have to know your abuser/person who hurt will never be able to fix you cause people who do those things aren’t worth anything.

But for Ariel I DEFINITELY have a bunch, I’ll have to see what I actually have Written down though cause I thinking about it now I CONSTANTLY FORGOT TO WRITE STUFF DOWN AHHHH!

Again MASSIVE SHIPPER BRAINROT so a lot about Ariel for me is gonna be about Shiroai x Ariel because your honor Sapphic Spiders tm. But I also have a decent amount about the found family (that has them being the Mothers of) because my god she is such a Mom to Mera, Kyouya, and Sophia like,,, the Puppet Taratects too def but like,,,, she’s just such a Mom. It’s really cute to see the gap of her giving life advice and guidance to her kids but also getting dotted on herself by Shiroai (cough cough can I add a pet peeve that’s related to wlw Ships by saying for the love of fuck let both Women in a Lesbian Relationship be Feminine? Like why does one have to take the role of the “Man” let them both wear a Wedding Dress).

So my OT3, as you know by now, is Shun x Katia x Kyouya. But my OTP is Shiroai x Ariel. Though I think I have way more introspection for my OT3 over my OTP idk why, maybe cause there is more to introspect for the OT3 while the OTP is so blunt in Canon in my Opinion? I love them both so much though, like will Ship these two Pairing till my dying breath and even after that.

Intent versus Execution: I think an important thing to keep in mind with Headcanons/Shipping is Intent versus Execution, basically there are things the Author might not have intended but do Read a certain way. Though in Headcanon/Shipping I am not against fun and you are completely allowed to like bonkers crack (as long as you don’t mistake it for Canon or force it some people like some Fanon people do). But Two things I will say with my Two Fav Ships for Kumoko (OTP Shiroai x Ariel and OT3 Shun x Katia x Kyouya) is I feel both of them may not be intended by they do strongly Read as Canon (or at least strong basis for), to me at least anyway. With Shiroai x Ariel I feel the Author probably just is attracted to women himself but because of this parts from both of their perspectives come off as really Lesbain. With Shun x Katia x Kyouya I would say “they’re weird about each other (affectionate)”. It took me a while to realize but all of them (maybe not Katia as much as Shun and Kyouya) have other friends, they may not have been as close but they did have other friends. So the fact they all single their Relationship out as something special reads as Romantic/Polyamorous leaning to me. Especially because they always mention the Three of them, as a Trio.

Ships Part 3: Also Shiroai/Kumoko x Ariel… is good stuff. The way Kumoko talks about women… is just not heterosexual lol. Her joking about how she’s in love with them (calling herself a kept man with D and all her convos with Ariel about confessing her love) and staring at boobs. Also the quick and brief description of men versus how she talks about women (how when she talks about how Mera’s “probably a catch” sounds so unsure and like how a Lesbain would describe what to look for in a man). There’s a lot to support this of how they care about each other. And how they really don’t want anything bad to happen to each other. The “I’ll accept no other ending besides one where the Demon Lord is smiling” is cute af.

Part 1 Ship Discourse: Clone Fucking vs Incest: The Grandmother Ariel and Granddaughter Shiro thing. So I could see this being a reason for people not wanting to Ship Ariel x Shiro. But I always felt they joke about this because in reality they are not related like that. All of Ariel’s “Children” are technically made with a cloning skill so they’re biologically the same. And the Egg Laying skill the Queen Taratects use does the same thing as well. So it’s not incest it’s clone fucking. ALSO Shiro remakes her body with her own magic plus her mind is a God’s Deep Fake of a High School Girl and an Average Japanese Spider.

Shiro Spider Habits (but also Ariel too): By the way Spiders don’t have vocal cords, some species can make noise by vibrating (I’m not sure what body part?) that sounds like purring (which I like to think he and Ariel do to flirt) and jumping spiders can make “music” by hitting their segments together. However these are both mating rituals. Also dancing is a form of mating ritual performed by male jumping spiders to woo a female. So basically I just wanna say Shiro not speaking much makes sense when in her past life SHE LITERALLY COULDN’T. Also I think she was probably very offended by having to learn how to dance.

Family Part 3: I think Ariel sees Guli and Sariel as her parents and Shiroai sort of sees Oka as a mom too. Also family Headcanon/Au Mera, Sophia, and Kyouya call Ariel Mom and Shiroai Mama. But I can’t decide and actually recently I’ve been like it the other way around with Shiroai as Mom and Ariel as Mama.

Family Part 4: The Demon Army can communicate completely with inhuman noises (and gestures on Shiro’s part). Kyouya can speak Goblin (which you can’t convince me doesn’t just sound like hamster noises). Mera and Sophia being vampires I like to think can make high pitched noises like bats. And Shiro and Ariel can make a purring sounds but only do that to each other as flirting (this is real, though they don’t have vocal cords certain types of spiders can make a rumbling sound like purring as a mating call).

Hmm sorry I really don’t have as much for Ariel!!! I’ll have to see if I have some more stuff to Write down (which will take a bit as I figure out how to Word stuff) so maybe I’ll add to this later we’ll see. One thing I do want to add to this with is a have a “Rating Insect/Arachnid Monster-Humanoid Designs Tier List” (that I have Posted on my DeviantArt but I need to fix some Formatting on it) and usually Characters like Ariel that only have Spiders Powers and aren’t Monster-ish (as good a Character as he is Design wise think Rui from Demon Slayer) would be a hard no for me buuuuut considering as a Series KumoDesu has had some of the BEST TIER INSECT/MONSTER DESIGN and are NOT cowards with making full Monster she gets a pass (also because I never said I wasn’t biased AF).

Anyway, thanks again BIG time for asking!!! I’m always willing to talk about my thoughts on KumoDesu because I am OBSESSED. These are crazy fun for me ❤️

(though heads up some of these might be drastically shorter than others cause I’ve gone through a decent amount of my longer already Written out ones already).

[literaticat]

Hi, Jenn. I know you don’t rep adult, but I have an adult MS that’s really personal to me… and also triggering. I can’t imagine doing promo for it. Doing interviews and everything��� I don’t know how I could. Do I have to? How do I even talk about it?

Q2: Do you think adult books require less personal interviewing and publicity as opposed to commercial or even most kidlit? I feel like it would be way harder to interview and do pub for like My Dark Vanessa or Beartown than a really fun MG about witches.

There are two questions about... ??? adult book publicity ???... which like, idk, I don't rep adult books????

But OK. For Q:1, yes, you probably DO have to promote your own book. But there are different ways to promote books, it's not like it has to be a non-stop series of invasive interviews.

I'd suggest you think about different angles -- ways to talk about your book. What is important to you here? What do you hope readers learn or understand, what's the takeaway you want to leave with readers?

It's OK to have boundaries around things you really don't want to talk about -- so explore the things you ARE willing to talk about. Like how you got into the headspace to write such a book. Like what you hope that other people affected by this kind of experience might do to heal. Like what it is like to write _____ {an unreliable narrator, or an abuser, or whatever your "thing" is!}

Your publisher can help you figure out things to do when the time comes -- for example, maybe there is ONE interview with a particularly good publication that would have a lot of reach. Or perhaps you don't want to do any interviews about the topic itself but you have other topics. Or maybe you would rather pitch ARTICLES or ESSAYS to publications about topics related to the book (that also promote the book) rather than do interviews. Heck, maybe there's an essay in this very question -- "How Do You Promote a Book When You Can't Talk About the Book? -- an essay by Jane Q Writer for Esquire in which the author explores the messy business of book promotion in the TikTok Era" or something.

Q2: Caveat that I have barely heard of those books and certainly haven't read them. I DO know that, sadly, most large mainstream publications don't give a rat's patootie about kid's books and certainly wouldn't deign to interview an author who wrote a fun MG witch book -- so while an interview for a fun MG witch book would almost certainly be "easier" in the sense of "it's more fun to talk about witches and kids books than it is to talk about abuse or whatever" -- that interview would probably have far less reach, since most adults don't read or care about MG books, so most large non-children's outlets don't bother covering them at all.

I did a quick google of your examples, though, and there are loads of interviews and articles about and by both those adult authors -- so, I guess they figured it out!

(And for the Q1 person, you might actually give "MY DARK VANESSA interviews" a goog yourself -- the first thing I found was the authors note in which the author gives a message to readers, and there are several interviews basically about how the author has these certain boundaries, but that explore things she IS open to talking about. The book is about a young woman who is in a... complicated relationship with an older teacher -- the author says that the book was inspired by some things she went through, but doesn't get into details about her own personal experiences -- but DOES talk about how she wrote the book, how her thinking about the topic changed as she got older, etc. So looking at that -- and other "difficult" books and how the authors talk about them -- might be good for you to look at as you think about how to talk about YOUR difficult book!)

[kaddyssammlung]

Gods – Analysis – Meaning

This is a special one for me. I had an out-of-body-experience once while listening to it.

Something like this has never happened to me before while listening to “normal music”. I keep saying how this feels like it's more than music and to me this is proof of it. I only know experiences like these from mediations or running in the woods.

There was a giant, giant, giant beam of energy flowing through my heart centre. The feeling was magnificent.

Video:

Text:

“I see the Gods avert their gaze from me”

To me personally there is a difference between a real God meaning the source of all beings and “the Gods”. I short words “The Gods” is something or someone that pretends to want what's best for you but is actually using you to get somewhere. I wrote an article in here about how Vessel knows the difference between God and the Gods, at least in my opinion.

To me the source of all beings is something that I can feel it being. It's something I have re-established a connection to. Whereas “the Gods” I feel like is meant in a negative way.

“My fucking form is but a wreck beneath them”

And just like that Vessel actually did swear! To me this just underlines that feeling that I have that he means “Gods” in a negative way.

“and there are always people I can call on It's all so easy for me”

I would believe him that it was easy but he does scream it so I don't think he means it in a positive way. Maybe it's about getting sh*t from other humans because they just don't understand him or the situation that he is in?

“No more taking chances No more teeth to bite with No more smiling faces”

I'm a 90s kid and I still vaguely remember those times where certain pills with smiling faces on them were a big thing. I have this connected to these substances somehow and also to me this whole part feels like an allusion for things that he used to do that were not healthy but that he does not want to do anymore. But at the same time he seems angry about it?!

“You wanna talk? You wanna talk it out?”

Seems like he is not used to this someone/ something talking to him? It feels like he is saying:YOU want to talk?! What else would you be doing then talk things out? I'm someone who believes in good communication. To me therein lies a key to a successful relationship.

“Cause the joke's on me and I'm laughing too”

yeah. I don't know where to place this or how.

“You want to watch me bleed? 'Cause I bleed so well”

It reminds me of songs like “Like That” and lines like “just to provoke my combat”. It makes me think about abusive relationships and begs the question: why put up with this? Of course I know my own personal answer to this because I was in that position. It's still not something pleasant to wrap your head around.

“Do you like the way it feels?”

Well…my dear human out there….answer me the following question: are you a bit of a masochist? Because I was. I have this connected with this feeling that I deserve to be mistreated the way that I was. That it was some sort of punishment.

“Like fire from the heavens”

It makes me think about Sleep again and also the question if this is directed towards Sleep? And if so then this “God” maybe was something that only pretended to be “God” but actually was something evil?!

“carving past the surface into you”

It makes me think about SH again. Idk I just have this connected with this.

“Tearing me asunder beside you”

This make me think about him mentioning things like “broken into fractions” “my life is torn” and stuff like that. When something/someone is actually tearing you apart no wonder you feel like that.

Why put up with this?

My BPD self says to this question: “I'd rather be six feet under than be lonely.”

[furshrimps]

I'm down to about 150€ left for vet purposes, and if things go on like this I seriously need to think about rehoming Sammy (once the current crisis has calmed down of course). I just can't pay for all the vet costs anymore, and Sammy tends to need vet visits rather regularly. Also with my dad losing his ability to work I don't have a financial backup anymore. My brother may be able to lend me a certain amount if things get hard, but how would I ever be able to pay him back? I just don't see how I can give Sammy the care he needs for much longer. It's so heart breaking.

But idk how to properly go about this in the first place. In theory the first thing I would do would be contacting his breeder, but the person herself has me blocked on FB (that was about her stealing my photo a couple years back and when I politely tried to explain to her why that's not ok she immediately blocked me). Also it's been a while since I last heard/ saw anything of her and tbh I don't even know if she's still around. She had another account through which she later liked and commented on some of my pics, but that doesn't seem to exist anymore either. I could contact her husband, but idk. My other idea was to ask a breeder whom I trust for advice on how to handle the situation.

Or maybe I'll start asking other trusted people (my dog trainer mostly) if they know someone who would be a good match for Sammy and once there's a candidate discuss the matter with the breeder/ husband from there. Briefly I thought about asking his previous owner if she can help or even take him back, but the reason Sammy needed to be rehomed back then was her abusive/ mentally ill husband. I think they're divorced now and the guy seems to have disappeared somewhere within the EU, but idk if that's a safe enough situation for Sammy. Not to mention if she even would be able to/ want to care for a second dog. But it would probably be the easiest option for Sammy to cope, since he grew up with her and all, and she loves her dogs a lot and even does for fun sports. From that point she would be ideal. Just the ex-husband thing really worries me a lot, he already has used Sammy in the past to get to her and as long as he's still potentially able to reach her it doesn't strike me as very safe for Sammy. :/ My sister also can't take him, she needs to rehome most of her own dogs too due to what happened with our dad.

Idk 😞 this sucks so much. He was supposed to stay here for the rest of his life and be happy and everything. But with how things have developed with my own health, Sammys health, and now my dad's health too... I do have to admit that I'm quickly falling out of a position to care for his needs. I'm trying to earn some money through my art but it's not going so well. And not nearly well enough for so many and frequent vet costs. I just don't see another way :( If it was just a one-off thing I would've tried a GoFundMe or something, but based on Sammy's history he likely will continue to need a bigger financial pool than I can provide.

Or does anyone have any other ideas what I could do?

[will80sbyers]

re: your post comparing ben and darcy, why do you think they turned out so differently? ben was clearly miserable in his self-hatred, so do you think there might have been something stopping him being like darcy? maybe he still felt like he could please his parents (like when they're at school talking about his grades), whereas darcy knew it was hopeless, or maybe darcy was lucky to make good friends while ben was surrounded by toxically masculine lads, idk

It definitely could be, I think his parents have a certain image of him that he wants to maintain for sure but who knows exactly why people become who they become in the end

There's so many factors involved that I don't think you can know specifically what caused it, it can also be a difference in personality because Ben is a really egoistical person that at the moment doesn't think about what other people may feel, he's centered on his own desires and wants and pain, Darcy is much more kind

It could also be that she had Tara in her life that supported her and Ben maybe had no one like that in his life, that can make the difference

The problem with Ben is that he's too scared to make the step into the queer community that would actually have provided him of a community and also that when he does have someone that likes him and treats him in a good way like Imogen he doesn't appreciate her at all, he has a deep need to look cool to others and be in a popular position that can give him powers probably because he's scared that if people will see him as he really is no one would want to associate with him at all

But these are all my speculations about it, I think you should ask Alice- he could also just have more narcissistic traits in his character because he got abused in other ways growing up or he's just born like that... I don't know tbh, I know that from the book Alice made it clear he's not changed at all even at 17/18 so I think if he's going to change he will do it when he's older after hitting rock bottom and having some sort of mental breakdown