#idk maybe it was the brand. maybe it was poor quality

[cartoonsinthemorning]

I bowt a pea nut buter sand wish and tout of you.

[nathank77]

4/7/24

6:18 p.m Edited at 7:01 p.m

I slept until like 5:30 p.m. at least I got around 8 hours... I took a Benadryl last night at 8:30 a.m cause I wasn't seeing any mental pictures.

I must passed out around 9:15-9:30 a.m. so I got enough sleep thankfully. I hate having to throw in Benadryl but the glasses were driving me crazy.

I think I'm going to call them and get a replacement for the rimless. I'm going to ask for another pair of Beaus. Then it'll be a win-win.

I'm waiting on a refund of over 100$. That'll make going to lens crafter possible. However I got to wait like 10 business days or something.

I'm still considering getting the kohls purchase with a pair of shoes now. It would be like 217$ with sneakers, white Adidas high tops, 12 pairs of under armour boxers and 6 pairs of socks. Maybe I'll cut out the socks it'll bring down the cost.

However I want to be able to go to the Southbury Tango soon.. but looking at the pictures turns me off, I want to see the girl of my dreams there or at least find a pretty girl I could start to talk to.

I'm going to spend the day debating whether using the kohls cash makes sense or if I should let it expire. The more boxers I get, the less wear and tear each pair takes. When I got 30 pairs of boxers ranging from Adidas to under amour they lasted like 7 years, cause I mean they got washed and worn like once or twice a month. Quality/quantity does make a difference. It would be nice to pack away all my stretched out mediums..

If I do the kohls purchase I could take all my stretched out mediums and put them in the attic. And once I get my refund I could make a 100$ payment to my credit line..

Or I could forgo this and check kohl's often for deals again.. although I like the white Adidas- they'd be my "shit" pair. I would wear them everywhere and only wear my black ones when I do something I want to look nice for, preserving them longer.

However then lens crafters is out of the picture for a longer time. I suppose if I get another pair of beau for free to replace the rimless, I'll be happier.

Do I really need to spent 300$ at len crafters? When I have 2 pairs of cheek touching Ray-Bans and 2 pairs of beaus. A tight pair of rimless and an ugly pair of Craig's..... I mean and the overheads if they fit....

I mean it would be ideal. I would probably go to Bristol or west farms... I got to go to west farms for the apple store anyways... and I could see what being fitted for comfortable frames cost. Without an eye exam. I don't need a brand. I care about brands for clothing cause I'm weird, I mean tbh branded clothing makes me look less poor, beyond that they are a popular brand bc they are made of good quality...for glasses, I mean especially at lens crafters, I could get the yearly protection plan, I would pay 34$ more and if I broke the lens or frames I'd pay a small copay like 25$ to have it replaced. They would fit my face, my focal point would be accurate but i couldn't put it on a credit line.... I'd have to actually swipe my card there...

Does buying the kohls purchase stop me from buying the lens crafters glasses? Sorta but not entirely. When I get my refund I can apply the entire refund to my credit line. Then I'd be paid down to like 340$.. and I'd have to like August.. it could stop me.

What's more exciting? Well it's debatable the kohls cash helps, I love comfortable boxers. Two pairs of sneakers in total is helpful. I won't need boxers or shoes or socks for a while. Boxers for like 5 years, socks for at least 2 years, shoes for a year at least...

But glasses man, I want my focal point right. I want the lense width, the lense height and the hinge to hinge width to be accurate and comfortable...... yet I can't buy lens crafters glasses online and use my credit line otherwise I'm once again buying, "online" glasses. I really need to be fitted. Maybe I can get my thick black frames.

I got a lot to think about and consider. Idk if I'll game. Idk what I'm going to do. I got to shower, set up my sleeping pill and brush my teeth later after my second meal. That's the extent of my list of things I actually have to do..

Maybe I'll game and hallucinate more. Maybe I'll watch mindless trash for TV and barely hallucinate.. I'll go over my retail therapy options.

Lens crafters, seems like the obv choice until I got to take my card out and swipe...

Lens crafters will absolutely make the southbury tango impossible for a while... or any meet up group at that rate... that costs money.

Kohls will put me out but I can pay that remainder out and still maybe do the southbury tango... by May....

So yea I'm just going to think everything over. I got my prescription in march and the longer I wait to get glasses at lens crafters the less wear time I get on the frames and lenses bc I get a new script March 2025.... that's the issue... I'll have years of wear time on my kohls purchase though.

About Elise- I feel like maybe I'm just having 500 visual hallucinations... now it's just her wedding photos. Do I believe in us romantically? Idk maybe I scared her away.... maybe she was like it was always friendship. Maybe she was like you're absolutely never going to be apart of my family even as a friend. Either way as long as she's happy that's all that matters to me.

[forkaround]

Only Friends Episode 1 Thoughts

--- A first impressions series

It's clear they don't have budget for that RaySand scene. I would think with so many of GMMTV's BL roster they would get more funding.

Even the acting seems weak. It all looks so staged. and I know these actors can do better.

How come FirstKhao are the first in the credits when Mew is supposedly the main character? Was this sold as a FK series? If so why isn't First playing the lead?

So far the soundtrack is boring too, very generic. They would benefit from having at least 2 signature songs and playing them over and over again. Something is up with recording too.

I can't help but think of Love Mechanics and specifically War's acting. He was much more convincing as a drunk and flirt. Less awkward.

I would like to do a comparative shot of background fill with other similar scenes like the bar scene in OF. OF's scenes seem empty and static.

This doesn't have the Not Me music budget.

I don't understand the 'Burden to society arguments' I imagine it has to do with translations but if it doesn't then it's not the kind of thing to convince people to not do something.

The scenes feel empty. Like there should be more, more background, more music, just more.

If this was anyone else, like a small company with only a few productions or a company's first fore into BL or inexperienced cast and crew I won't say this but this is GMMTV with some of it's oldest actors and a famed director so it's really tough to give it s free pass.

I knew it. First is once again playing a poor character. idk what it is about him that everyone casts him in poor roles. maybe it's the cry on cue.

It's nothing more special than ABAAB

The sex scenes do nothing for me. It's especially sad since they are BL veterans. They are technically attractive but there is something missing and it feels very strange, very unnatural.

I do not like any of the song choices.

I know these actors are good. They've done a good job in everything I've seen of them but here they feel empty. Like they are missing pieces.

they are not convincing me of jack or shit

The sex scene is def more dynamic then the rest of it. (BostonDrake)

Now the TopMew scene wasn't as dynamic as BostonDrake

The daily montage song is nice.

I do want to complain that there is only one woman on this show and it would arguably be better if there was either 1 more or 1 less. It's just unrealistic that she would always hang out with boys only.

What is this radioactive cesium they are talking about?   -Also I don't know any party people who know this much general knowledge but okay.

That last song is good too.

Top is going to hurt Mew I just know it.

Top's dick must be magic to piss off so many people

Conclusion: I'm here for FirstKhao and for the ABAAB nostalgia but this show is going to have to work to convince me it's a good show and not riding on brand recognition. I am admittedly harder on this show than any others but that is warranted given the cast and crew because I have high expectations of them in terms of providing a quality product, whatever the product may be.

[imposterogers]

i’m Screaming at that still of the avengers in ur comparison post ohmygod those bland ass outfits 💀🥴 they really said we are not giving them one ounce of personality

this is the post for reference but I think what frustrates me the most is even five minutes of thought and effort would have made such the difference like

-steve rogers grew up in the 30s/40s poor. he’s an artist and spent years living on the front. how could this have been reflected in his clothes? he’d probably thrift some of his clothes, buy basics like a backpack and combat boots from a military surplus store and have One single pair of nice shoes. add some charcoal stains on his sleeves from drawing. a paint splatter on his jeans. there’s also a lot of clothing lines that take inspo from retro designs, and I’d imagine him wearing modernized versions of older fashions

-tony is a rich man who grew up rich. his clothes didn’t need to be flashy but they should be noticeably higher quality. maybe a sweater embroidered with a logo of a Big brand. gold cufflinks. a rare vintage band tee shirt he won on eBay. but his clothes should also be worn because he spends hours tinkering and can be a little careless bc he’s privileged enough that material goods are easily replaceable

-relatively generic clothing makes sense for nat just because after spending years on the run / as a spy she’s learned how to blend in with a crowd, and anything she wears she should be able to move in, but with that said where’s a hint of self expression? a locket or bracelet reminding her of yelena? mismatched socks?

-as for thor - he’d been living in a norwegian fishing town for five years. was there no influence on his sense of style at all? a cable knit sweater? a Fjällräven jacket? before endgame I would assume either someone else dressed him (he didn’t spend enough time on earth to understand their fashions) or he could have worn outfits that almost made sense but were just a little bit wrong

-clint bestie u never had a personality so I can’t really make something out of nothing but he did spend a lot of time on a farm in missouri

-as for scott and rhodey,… where’s scott’s dad joke t shirts? lightweight and squeak proof shoes bc always on the move and no one should be able to hear a thief? a baskin robbins baseball cap he kept as memorabilia? rhodey is also ex military so where’s a touch of that in his clothes?

idk I just think it would have been so easy just to add even bare minimum personalization to their styles rather than “they r sponsored by target” (side note: why is the raccoon dressed better than the avengers. probably bc it’s cgi lmaooo)

[satsuma-saturn]

How I imagine each brother smells

this was meant to be serious and now it's not. it's mainly me giving an honest opinion of how i think each brother smells, but maybe i'll redo it in the future and be a little nicer to them idk

Lucifer

I had a hard time with this one ngl.

He smells expensive.

Like some sort of high quality eau de parfum. More subtle than perfume or cologne, but he still smells good.

Just imagine an expensive brand that doesn't exploit the lower class and isn't racist.

Also smells like shoe polish.

Might even smell like Diavolo's ass, with how much time he spends kissing it.

Joking, sort of.

I'm not.

Mammon

He either smells really good or really bad, there's no inbetween.

Dude eats instant ramen and goes to casinos.

At the same time, he's a model and takes care of his appearance.

So like, he definitely uses cologne and showers frequently.

On the weekends, he might smell musty, like a casino, or like cheap whiskey, but only at night.

He'll shower before bed. And then probably when he wakes up.

Idk, Mammon gives me 'two showers a day' type of vibes.

So for the most part, he does smell good, but you might catch him at a time where he smells stinkyyyyyyyyy.

Leviathan

You cannot tell me that this man showers.

Every minute showering is every minute he could spend playing a game or watching anime.

This is not slander if it is the truth.

Okay, he does shower, but Lucifer probably has to force him to.

Because showering is for normies, but he doesn't need people complaining about his smell, there is only one possible solution to this issue.

In conclusion: Levi uses Axe Body Spray and I will not accept any disputes on this.

Satan

Old books.

I know people always praise the smell of fresh paper, but there's something about the musty smell of old books that hits different.

I imagine a lot of the books in the library and in his room are pretty old, and considering he is constantly surrounded by stacks upon stacks of them, the scent is bound to rub off on him.

He spends a lot of time outside, reading under some sort of light that isn't the sun cuz I didn't think that far ahead.

So he smells like outside

IYKYK

Asmodeus

As somebody with allergies, his scent will assault my poor nostrils.

Like my nose is so itchy from my moisturizer.

His perfumes, moisturizers, lotions, whatever, would probably be super overwhelming.

He would smell good, for sure, but the kind of good where you will be sneezing in his presence.

There would be several scents at once that would most likely not even be in the same category.

Like, instead of maybe rose and lavender, it would be like mango, lavender, vanilla, sea spray, eucalyptus, etc.

Similar to his personality, his scent does not know the definition of subtlety (hopefully i spelled that right).

If he's present, you'll know he is, even if he hasn't already announced it.

Beelzebub

Food. Y'all knew I was gonna say that

But listen, he goes to the gym a lot, which sweating will make you stinky.

So, to combat this, he uses deodorant.

Definitely uses Old Spice and this is not biased.

I very much like the smell of Old Spice so maybe it is biased.

Idc, that's what he smells like and I would be snifffffffffing him all the time.

Unless I get sick from the lingering scent of food.

Then I might have to go lie down.

But the scent of Old Spice deodorant gonna have me be like 🥴.

Belphegor

I don't know how to describe it, but he smells warm.

Like the type of warm that makes you sleepy.

Maybe like warm milk? Except I'm lack toes in toddler ant so I don't really drink milk cuz cow juice make tummy hurt.

He's lazy and probably doesn't put much thought or effort into how he smells.

Most likely just smells like his sheets, which are kept constantly clean, courtesy of Beel.

Another one who doesn't shower as frequently as he should. Why shower when you can sleep?

[mejomonster]

Idk if any of my followers ever wear lolita fashion, let alone if any of yall were into the fashion back in 2009-2010

But that's when I first got into it (no budget though so of course I had one poor quality Milanoo dress lol, then eventually found a bodyline dress on ebay before I knew any sites with lolita fashion for sale, then finally post 2012 started finding the brand sites etc). And a big thing that I've noticed recently, diving into the fashion again? Is that for me my initial impression of lolita was actually very like old-school and gothic lolita inspired. I've delved into brands this past month, and while a lot of what I own nowadays is very sweet lolita and looks similar to angelic prettys style (but is not angelic pretty), what I actually like best and aim to look like is actually like Alice and The Pirates, Atelier Pierrot and all the stuff they carry is like Peak My Thing. All those solid colors, minimal prints, more focus on structure and lace used in interesting ways if used at all. I'm curious if anyone else got those kinds of impressions back in the day?

Like. Not any expensive thing or anything but one of my first coords was this below and you can tell the solid colors is what I go for. I'm not sure if it falls in punk cause of the plaid, or still gothic. But I like the solid colors and minimal patterns, plaid incorporation or white with mainly black look.

Then, even after that i like sweeter things still with solid colors more often than prints (though I've got some prints I like).

So finding atelier pierrot I'm like oh finally the kind of stuff I remember getting so hype when I first saw...

I absolutely love the last 4 on here and want them so bad.... especially the plaid dress and black skirt. I also want to try the physical drop clothes since they're designed to fit plus sizes...

Back to my point though. When I very initially got into lolita, I was seeing solid colors and lace. Now I mostly see creative prints (which I like a lot just it's not what initially drew me in). I'm just curious if maybe it was because of the time period when lolita fashion first crossed my radar. When you got into lolita what clothing designs were you seeing that got your interest? And if you're into it now, what brands and stores are your favorite for those designs?

[commajade]

Love how Boa, Key and Kai were all like, yeah I told sm to shut tf up and let me handle my comeback, basically 🤣

yep!!! and that's why it's high quality!!! genuinely most idols have like fairly poor taste in music and their artistry is in performance not creation or planning but these 3 r superstars and the more control they have over their projects the better they end up being just automatically.

it's funny how different the 3 situations r tho like boa's been running her whole operation since like idk 2014 maybe? and lsm was like hey 🥺 u wanna use this song 🥺 i think it would be rly good for ur 20th anniversary 🥺 and boa was like lol no i'm doing better instead, shinee can have dcm tho! and then key was trusting his company seniors' opinions a lot for his earlier work and decided to open his whole heart with bad love and show exactly who he is and micromanage every part of it. and kai is basically a brand new soloist already funding his own projects and doing things exactly as he wants to it's like ok we get it ur exo kai or whatever.

[actualbird]

djgdgj I was having such a fun time reading Luke and mc's suffering with beer and then you hit me with Vyn's section wHY

Poor Luke and mc having to drink beer of all things. Literally everyone around me who drinks talks about how it tastes bad so my heart goes out to the two of them. From then on the two of them never go near beer ever again.

Marius making fun of Vyn and his wine tasting fgidgi perfection. There's this post on tumblr talking about how easy it is to scam wine connoisseurs and how they can't tell the difference between the high quality vintage wine and cheap wine. Once Marius finds it it's over for Vyn. Marius just gained some incredibly strong ammo and he will absolutely use it as much as he can. It'll be an exercise in self restraint for Vyn to not bash him over the head after that. The last section with Vyn and his father had me in so much pain. To have something he liked be ruined by memories...

dgjdfu poor Marius alcohol really doesn't taste good to a child. I'm just imagining mc mentioning the whiskey Luke had in his Christmas SR and Marius immediately being disappointed in Luke. He respects his tastes and the sentimental value of the whiskey but also his tastes are wrong.

DGJDGDJ CELESTINE GOING TO BRING A SHOVEL I LOVE HER. Artem don't complain your friends are amazing and I wish I had them. Celestine and Neil never let him near alcohol when it's not for work reasons ever again. After Atmospherics, Artem wakes up with a hangover, remembers the behaviour that Neil and Celestine noted down and immediately starts panicking. He really did just subject mc to his drunken shenanigans.

All of them are braver than me sigh the smell of alcohol alone ensures I'm never touching it if I can help it. I absolutely loved this headcanon alcohol shenanigans are my absolute favourite.

🌌

irt when and how each of the nxx team first drank alcohol

hi, milkyway :DDD

i gotta keep u guys on ur toes!!! funnies one second, strained relationship with vyn's father in the next second, HAHA.

i did try to temper vyn's section with marius being a loveable pain in the ass and kjBKSJKF UR RIGHT!! idk anything about winetasting, both how it supposedly works and how it's supposedly ease to fool winetasters, but if marius manages to convince vyn that this 5stellin bottle of wine is tooootally a renowned vintage from a little unknown town in italy, well. marius is never gonna let vyn live that down.

but yep, ive been on a kick lately of thinking about vyn's relationship with his dad. i watched vyn's bday2 ssr where his dad shows up but i watched it when i had covid HAHA so my memory is kinda fuzzy but overall there was just this vibe like......it's not an unsalvageable relationship, but it's one that has vibes from vyn that are like "why are you here i dislike you i do not want to see you" and vibes from dad de haspran that are like "i wish i was a better father." or maybe that was my covid symptoms talking, i'll have to rewatch the card HAHA.

beer sucks!! IT SUCKS, IT TASTES SO BAD I HATE IT!!! but also when i was a teenager, beer was like the most common alcohol to know about? also the easiest to buy and smuggle places esp if ur Not Sposed To Have It. shoutout to that legendary student in my high school who apparently filled their jug with some kind of alcoholic drink and took swigs of it in class and did not get caught. insane behavior but also rlly impressive!!!

luke and mc dont stay away from all beers after that, but they never drink that specific brand ever again. and in general, beers r just on thin ice. luke, once hes got his bartending experience, can mix drinks that taste waaaaay better

JSBFKJSD WAIT UR RIGHT LOL, this hc in conjunction with SSR Atmospherics creates that hilarious reaction from artem. he panic texts celestine before coming into the office in the last bit of that story like "Does she look disgusted by the general order of the world and maybe the entire concept of who I am as a person?" and celestine texts back "She mostly just looks sleepy, lol"

and all i will say about marius is this: BLEH!!!!!

glad u liked the hc post hehe :3!!!

[joebrickwoll]

Not that I care all that much he has one but of course Auston will have some sort of type he is a famous athlete he’s gonna set the bar high for women. I feel like girls get way too butt hurt over it. Face (not directed at you) reality majority of girls do not have a shot with him. Like you said it’s okay for him to have a type.

ok yes, to be honest this started as an ask about 1 hockey player’s “type” and my answer about how it’s none of our damn business but now it’s turning into a rant but bear with me. 

to be honest I just have a tough time with any assumptions that fans make about any celebrity or professional athlete in general. we don’t know these people, their preferences, their personalties, their lives. we know as much or as little as they choose to publicly share and in many cases that is a very limited amount of information. 

so i grew up and still live about an hour outside of toronto, i’ve been a leafs fan all my life so i’m used to how problematic and super gross hockey fandom can be but i am fairly new to the tumblr/twitter brand of hockey player fandom realm and let me tell you while it’s very different, it is not exactly a vast improvement for a few different reasons:

1) the creepy possessiveness: just because you are attracted to them or you stan or whatever doesn’t mean that they owe you some debt in return. just because you bought a jersey doesn’t mean they’re your man or whatever, by that logic my seventy year old father has had a beautiful and lasting thirty year relationship with doug gilmore. and it doesn’t mean that they’re monsters if they are typically attracted to a certain “type” that doesn’t match yours, they’re just normal people with attraction preferences, you can stop clutching your pearls. 

2) the entitlement: these guys are just people doing a job and they don’t actually owe you anything. i’ve heard so many stories over the years of this guy’s an asshole to fans or this guy’s rude to girls in clubs or whatever. again, growing up near toronto and going to university in the city I’ve actually seen from the periphery what it looks like when there’s a leafs player at the restaurant or at the bar, and it looks fucking unbearable. if you are a player in a big hockey market you I promise you do not get a moment of peace and idk about you but if I was trying to have dinner with my family or a fun night out with my friends and I spent the whole night being relentlessly stared at and hit on by people I wasn’t remotely interested in, I probably wouldn’t be too accommodating by the end of the night either. 

3) the infantilism vs the moral puritanicals: there are two types of hockey players that get talked about on tumblr, either you’re baby and you can do nothing wrong and any time anyone brings up any type of critique or even just honestly talking about stretches of poor performance they’re a disgusting bully and how dare you attack this innocent man child who’s done nothing wrong ever. OR you have made a mistake in your life and you are an unforgivable monster and none of your accomplishments or good deeds are worth anything, you should give up your dream job because I never want to see your nasty face ever again. how nice to know that no one on tumblr has ever made a mistake and has never needed the grace of forgiveness extended to them. (before anyone gets up in arms, i’m not talking about people with a history of well documented, repeated, horrific behaviour like racism or assault) also maybe do your own research about things instead of trusting a tweet or tumblr post from some rando with no receipts whatsoever (critical thinking is a cool skill, give it a try)

the moral of all of these are that these hockey players are human beings with a mix of good and shitty things about them and the crux of every issue i have with hockey player fandom is that there is no allowance for them to be human beings with both good qualities and flaws. just because they’re public figures does not mean that they’re exempt or less deserving of call outs for their fuck ups but also forgiveness for their mistakes and opportunities for growth.

[convenientalias]

I Rate Every Cdrama I’ve Watched According to Quality of Whump

Which is not actually that many cdramas.

For context, @ineedarendezvous replied to this post:

These are exactly the factors I care about too. NIF has my favorite category of whump too: sickness. Fellow whump lover, what do you recommend in terms of viewing cdramas?

I’m just going to use this as an excuse to Rate Every Cdrama I’ve Ever Watched According to Whump Right Now (though I have to warn you that sickness isn’t actually my favorite form of whump, which is why I initially rated Nirvana in Fire lower than it deserved, but! I will make note of that factor):

Ancient Detective: A solid 9/10. Jian Buzhi nearly gets stabbed almost every episode and needs to be rescued bc he doesn’t know any martial arts. Technically he doesn’t get stabbed but I still give him the points for being a dude in distress. And, relevant to your interests, about a fourth of the way into the show or less he gets poisoned with two different fuckign poisons and spends the rest of the show kind of ill. One of these poisons is a chilling poison which means he gets to be dramatically cold. All this and you still get to have supporting characters stabbing themselves in the legs to save hostages or going through a midlife crisis over not wanting to be an assassin. Whump was the reason I was watching this show (I also thought the characters were cute and the food looked good, but that’s the subject of another post).

The Disguiser: ...like a 7.5/10? Whump is very around in this show--like, people do get shot and kidnapped and watch their friends die and get used and betrayed and tortured--but there are also a fair number of episodes with really no whump except vague emotional angst. I appreciated the whump in this show and it did hook me in early episodes, but I can admit that I was also suckered by Delicious Soup and Rice Eaten By a Hungry Ming Tai and family dynamics and identity porn. (I forgot... identity porn is the third factor of me watching cdramas lols. But it still can’t stand without whump or food.) Still. Wasp training Ming Tai in particular was some great whump for me, as was everything about the death plan. No sickness that I can remember though.

The Flame’s Daughter: 10/10. Maybe I’m not being objective here but. Like four different dudes are chained up in dungeons at some point, a couple of whom are tortured. There are THREE DIFFERENT forced marriages. Two different guys get blinded by enemies--the circumstances aren’t even fuckign related. Two different guys get mortally ill from a Chill Spell, because being dramatically cold is a recurring wuxia motif. There’s also some people getting framed for crimes, and one dude who gets very depressed over a moral crisis for a solid portion of the show and wanders around getting drunk, which is kind of whump adjacent. Just in general a very fuckign whumpy show. I watched this show primarily for Yu Zihan, a very smart and fairly quiet disabled prince who possibly gets whumped more than anyone else but there’s a lot of competition so idk.

Handsome Siblings: 8/10. Jiang Xiaoyu, our trusty trickster protagonists, gets either poisoned or captured like every other episode, but a lot of this is played for humor, so it loses a little of that whumpy impact--though on the other hand, I sometimes like my whump with a little humor, so I didn’t really mind. The secondary protagonists wander around being angsty but I don’t really care about them. Was I watching this show for the whump? Yes.

Love Is More Than a Word: 3/10. This is not a whumpy show but Gu She did get beaten For Love, and there are some dead parents to be angsty over, and the ending leaves it up in the air whether the protags are going to die very soon, so..... it’s not like there’s nothing. But don’t watch it for the whump, no no.

Nirvana in Fire: 7.5/10. Mei Changsu is sick all the time, so there’s always that going on, and even when he’s not being angsty about it you know he’s kind of bitter in his heart. There’s also the whole Xuanjing Bureau thing, poor Jingrui, and Prince Yu’s eventual angsty fate, which allow the whump in Nirvana in Fire to be more diverse. So, you ask, why am I not rating it higher? Because Prince Yu and Mei Changsu are also Tragic, and my favorite kind of whump is whump with a happy ending, and I’m petty.

That is actually all the cdramas I’ve actually completed. I’ve watched others partway through but let’s be real, if I dropped a drama it’s whump was Not Enough. Anyways I guess for sickness I’d recommend Ancient Detective and The Flame’s Daughter for two cases of Dramatically Being Really Cold.

A weird thing is that shows being whumpy doesn’t actually make them that serious? Like Ancient Detective and The Flame’s Daughter actually have a lot of humor and cheesiness going on. Maybe that’s just my favorite brand of whump, though--it’s important to have a balance.

[oodlyenough]

aight... here’s a pretty long yet tip-of-the-iceberg collection on my overall thoughts on bl3 now that i’ve finished the damn thing, every main mission & every sidequest (dynasty dash don’t interact). 

obviously mega spoilers

the good

aside from that one infuriating difficulty spike when i arrived on promethea, i had a lot of fun playing. i found the gameplay a lot smoother than the others in the series (as it should be), i liked being able to climb stuff, i liked having an easy mode tbh!!

i really liked playing amara and i like the flexibility of action skills and being able to swap on the go without having to respec. the brawl tree ended up being very well suited to my type of play, it hindered me only during boss fights and even then at least i could switch to phasecast y’know

i had a lot of big fears about what this game would do and it managed to not do anything that makes me want to, like, burn and salt the earth, so that’s a win

i thought it was pretty funny! or at least on par with the other main games, which always kind of ride the line between funny and obnoxious and sometimes misstep

i enjoyed a lot of the cast, both new characters and characters who were returning but who i had no particular feelings about before, hammerlock, zer0 and ellie as particular examples

hammerlock and wainwright were cute af and it’s nice to see a gay couple in a triple-a game 

thought the twins were fun and funny af i liked them. because fandom is Like That i was a little exhausted by troy before he even showed up but even then, like, idk i liked them as a duo and i liked the break from jack honestly 

a lot of the new gun quirks were fun. i’m not like a big... gun person... but i found some cool ones i enjoyed playing with. 

loved getting to see different planets, it was a nice break from pandora all the time. and skywell was super fun! love the low-grav playfulness from TPS without the infuriating oz kit nonsense

the little quality of life improvements from previous games were great, like fast travel from anywhere, auto-refilling ammo, etc

some of the side quests were really fun. i liked the ratch quest for rhys, the birthday party quest for mordecai, the claptrap dancing quest was sweet, the buff movie buff quest was fun, the quest where i killed grandpappy 2 seconds in and got a reward was funny as hell esp because i drove off a cliff by accident, etc

lots of people had really bad glitches and stuff but... honestly can’t relate the game ran very well for me. advantages to not marathoning it before they’ve released their first couple patches, i guess, lol 

the less good

i played a solo amara and there are some bosses that seem like they would’ve been pure hell to do alone... i was lucky and able to phone a friend for a lifeline in those scenarios (shoutout to @heavybreathingcatt and @valoscope) but if i couldn’t do that idk i would’ve just broken my controller in rage i guess lmao 

why is resurrecting each other so hard? i don’t think i’ve ever done it successfully, because it takes too long and more importantly bc while i’m doing it some enemy will just toss a grenade or punch me and i get knocked away from the ally, rendering it useless

rest in peace maya, the best res AI in the whole damn game, got me through the rampager fight her damn self

there were a lot of characters and themes and ideas that i liked in theory more than in practice... because in practice they felt like a first draft. very often i felt like i liked a thing, and then on reflection thought about nine hundred ways it could’ve been better, deeper, more emotionally resonant, more developed, whatever. 

the angel stuff was kinda nice but... also... my longest deepest sigh ever @ Poor Sad Jack Some People Terrorize Entire Planets And Abuse Their Daughters To Cope With Their Fridged Wife

like the siren lore... wish i coulda heard it without having to backtrack across every map post-game

while i found the game generally pretty funny,  almost all the emotional scenes fell completely flat for me and there were a number of scenes that SHOULD have been emotional that just were not 

for eg i am actually not upset about maya or lilith dying (or turning into the moon as it were) -- i am ok with those beats for those characters, especially lilith getting a heroic sendoff. however... both of those scenes could’ve been more impactful than they were. maya’s i think was better than lilith’s, but both of them felt flatter, either in the moment or in the aftermath, than those characters deserved. 

related: NPCs reacting to major events is fun. i liked to do the tour and check in with all my buds to get their couple custom lines after a big plot thing happened. HOWEVER... those lines are obviously timed which is *mostly* fine but in some cases really, really weird? the lines about maya should stay in rotation for a lot longer. ava shouldn’t go back to LOL LET’S STEAL two seconds after maya’s gone. i missed zer0′s maya lines entirely bc i didn’t track down zer0 on time lol. stuff like that 

the bad

i miss my girls :( we really did keep only the white men huh

the last act felt severely underbaked. i have to wonder how many rewrites this game went through, and how much the back end was slapped together last minute, or cobbled together from various drafts. a lot of this felt very first or second draft, where the characters and themes are *there* but not refined at all, or they contradict each other. the family theme that goes basically nowhere and says nothing. the way the story handles atlas vs the way the story handles jakobs vs the way the story handles corporations writ large. 

for the twins -- lack of proper emotional resonance or development for them is one of the biggest failures imo, because i think they WERE very enjoyable villains and the core concept of like... evil video game streamers is honestly on-brand and funny af for the franchise... but as soon as troy died everything went downhill? tyreen’s non-reaction to her brother dying isn’t even a reaction, it’s not even “tyreen doesn’t care she’s evil lol” which would’ve been a boring direction to take anyway) it’s just.... “we barely wrote a response don’t worry about it”. her endgame is to be a big monster because... she’s ... fame hungry? huh? her motivation fell apart.w whether they went with “troy and tyreen are shitty people who get caught up in a power struggle but ultimately love each other” OR “troy and tyreen are shitty people who turn against each other in individual bids for power” could both have been interesting stories but they did neither. 

i’m def missing some echos on the twins which brings me to another thing i hate although it’s endemic to the series and not to bl3 specifically -- hiding important lore and characterization in random echos in random places on the map without even an indication of how many there are total, how many you’ve collected, where to find them... frustrating as hell. a lot of those echos are some of my favourite material in the game! at LEAST tell me “1 of 5 echos on this map” if you don’t wanna tell me where they are! why is major lore like the twins’ backstories hidden?????? 

and bc i haven’t heard them i don’t know if it’s fandom doing what fandom always does, or if it really is the game implying tyreen is The Evil Mastermind and troy is poor manipulated brother, but either way fuck that entire noise lmao of course the women of colour in the series are just Born Evil but jack and troy and whoever else are just Sad :( fuck off actually 

typhon... sucks... what an irritating character. irritating to retcon him in as The First Vault Hunter, irritating to have him talk about shit and sex all the time, irritating to have every established NPC be like oh wow my HERO typhon deleon what a HERO i LOVE him, irritating that we skate over his parenting failures, irritating that he has a fridged beloved wife, ESPECIALLY irritating he gets a memorial sidequest and maya didn’t . just. bad.

aurelia is evil now cause reasons... bad... 

vaughn also bad lmao i can’t believe they made amara yell “blood feud”... disgusting... 

the playable had no role in the story. they’re just a fly on the wall in every cut scene. this is whack in general, and a crit i can apply to all of the main borderlands games, however it is extremely jarring to play amara in a siren-heavy game and have no one acknowledge it. 

OVERALL... I guess like a B-? Maybe a B. I had fun playing it and I’m still having fun running around in Mayhem Mode and I am def looking forward to the DLCs. Gameplay is great. But while I had hoped this installment would take the storytelling of the main games a step further, it actually felt like a step back in virtually every respect. 

[oak23]

How do you, in your mind let yourself spend/want/ buy so many dolls only to use them for parts and stuff? I really wanna spend $20 on a mtm doll but literally can not coerce my brain to fathom buying a doll for so much just to break it apart (not slying you at all I'm so srs) all y Barbie's came from thrift stores and augh I wanna get newer ones but ugh idk !

As someone who grew up poor, and also passed on stuff when it was new only to regret passing it up when the price tripled (or worse), I find it easier to justify new purchases after refining my tastes down to what I actually want. 

As someone who collected Mattel for the better part of 15 years, I have sooooo many regrets thinking Mattel would stick to their baseline quality and/or keep certain things in production only for them to make it extremely limited and extremely sought after and dealing with secondary prices is always a chore.

I guess for me, I can justify a MTM cuz for literally years (maybe even a decade) the ONLY articulated options were $25 up to $100 and incredibly difficult to buy. And those options don’t come with clothes and shoes unlike MTM. A MTM is very much the same as buying a collectors base body, I just see the head and clothes as bonuses.

But also I ALREADY built up a collection of doll heads that had no bodies for years, so when I buy a MTM I already have a doll in mind. It’s a huge reason why I don’t have more Purple Top MTMs cuz I only bought them brand new whenever I had a doll in mind rather than stocking up on all of them when I could. Hell, I have like 25 of them and I still find myself wishing I got more lol.

Anyway I just see buying a whole doll as a body donor like investing in the dolls that spark joy for me and wanting to have them as their best selves.

[chimchimsauce]

Kpop Opinions

I was tagged by @chinkbihh to do this so leggo

I don't care one way or the other about TXT. I hope they do well but other than that I have nothing much to say about them. I did like crown but not enough to want to stan. Maybe it's cuz the youngest ones are younger than me and it weirds me out idk.

Kpop idols can wear the most hideous outfits I've ever seen. Hideous. Like look at this

God, why??

3. Boy groups aren't necessarily better or worse than girl groups but they're certainly easier to market.

4. BTS×VT was a mistake. BigHit should have collaborated with a higher quality brand. And besides, they're missing out on a huge audience by having literally 2 shades. BTS is a global star. If VT doesn't want to make more colors, that's on them, but they're missing out on a shit ton of money.

5. The best BT21 character is Van and poor Van is so underappreciated it's heartbreaking.

6. I have a love hate relationship with fansites. They take amazing photos and videos but they can be borderline stalkers.

7. Wanting your "oppa" to be single so you can imagine being with him is straight up toxic. I know it makes idols more marketable but it also breeds pyschopaths.

8. Idols start way too young. Most of them are straight up children when they debut and that's not healthy for them, physically and mentally.

9. Being a female idol is more difficult than being a male idol. They're more sexualized, crirized, and go through harder physical demands (performaning while on period, diets messing up their cycle, etc)

10. NCT's concept is single handedly holding me back from stanning.

11. A lot of groups have way too many members. I feel like 5 is the perfect number and there should never be more than 7.

12. NCT U and ITZY have the best debuts I've ever seen. I loved both of the songs instantly and that just doesn't happen.

13. I've never been a fan of more than one or two of an older group's songs.

14. Bigbang doesn't do it for me. ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌

15. Idols deserve more privacy but the whole idea kinda goes against that which is sad.

16. Idols dating shouldn't be a scandal. That's dumb.

17. There needs to stop being so many album versions! BTS I'm talking to you!! Quit it!!

18. People who are exclusively hard stans or soft stans are lying to themselves. Your idol isn't a sex fiend 24/7 nor is s/he an innocent lamb all the time.

19. I think it's weird how idols can drink 183749290 bottles of alcohol on camera but cursing or smoking is too scandalous. Wtf. I know it's a culture thing but still.

20. BTS need to calm the fuck down and take a fucking break. For real. My wallet is begging but so is my genuine concern for their health and sanity.

I'll tag @scenendipity and @cielita have fun

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #210

“made of flame, made of mud, i’m the many, i’m the one.”

Did your parents live in a different country before you were born? No. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? No. What’s something you’ve experienced that very few others have? Your favorite human on Planet Earth/God Himself noticing you. :') Three days I couldn't sleep. Three. Days. Do you have to wear an identification badge at your job? I don't have a job, yet. Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money? No. If so, how did it affect the relationship? N/A How often do you paint your nails? Never. Do you know anyone who’s related to a current or former world leader? I'm related to Queen Victoria somehow. Idk about anyone else. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? No job, no taxes yet. What is something you don’t have any natural talent for? Mathematics. Has anyone ever told you that you get too competitive over minor things? No. Do you usually befriend your coworkers, or do you prefer to keep work separate from your personal life? N/A What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money? I think Venus. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament. Man, I have a lot. We've accumulated A LOT over the years between me and all my siblings. Mom gets each of us one every year, and she's also kept all the ones we've made throughout school. She's so cute y'all. There is this REALLY damn pretty swirling crystal one with an angel on the top of it I got from my grandmother, that's definitely one of my faves, I've always loved this lil gingerbread dude I made in pre-k, and... idk man, there are truly a lot. What is something you frequently forget? To turn the laundry room light off anytime I go in there at night for Roman's litter scooper or to bring dirty clothes in there. By this point it's like a joke in the house with how much I do it for whatever reason. How do you feel about your body? I hate it. Who is someone you would like to get to know better? Connie, but I respect her privacy. I know you have to be careful online. What’s your opinion on assisted suicide? For it. At what point do you consider a relationship to be ‘long-term?’ Hm, idk, really. A year? What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? Mom worked with special ed kids at school, she had a job at the hospital doing computer work I can't remember because I was so young, Dad's been a mailman all my life, but he also worked at Lowe's as a carpenter I think for a while. Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired? Mom's got a totally different job, and I already mentioned Dad being a mailman. Do you have any recurring dreams? Themes, yes; dreams, no. Have you ever had to call 911? Why? Yes; Mom and I thought she was having a heart attack. Terrifuckingfying morning. Do you get out a lot? I might as well be on fucking house arrest. I can stay in the house and go nowhere for over a week. Do you eat a lot of vegetables? No. Last fast food you ate? I had a Hardee's biscuit for breakfast. Do you live in Canada? No. What do you think when you see two members of your preferred sex kissing? It's sweet, and brave considering the assholes of the world. Is that hot? "For fuck’s sake… It bothers the hell out of me when people fangirl over homosexual couples. It’s so disrespectful." <<< THIS. Would you ever want to be a chef? No. Bonfires: Y/N? They're fun. What’s a food that’s famous in your hometown/state/country/etc? Southern cooking, like fried chicken, mashed potatoes, hushpuppies, pulled pork, nasty shit like that. By pure coincidence, I literally hate almost all the "traditional" Southern foods. When’s that last time you saw snow? January this year. I think it was January... What’s something that you think will become obsolete in the next 50 years? Physically driving cars, probably. Are you efficient or do you procrastinate a lot? I procrastinate all to hell. Who are the 3 people you love the most? Mom, Sara, and then... idk if I can pick #3. Last person you slept in the same bed with? Sara. When was your first kiss? March 2012. Have you recently been sick? No. What song are you listening to? "Break My Mind" by dAGAMES. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Sadly. Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? It's worse. Weed, coke, crack, heroin, oxy, acid, x, k, peyote, mushrooms, opium…How many of these have you tried? I have no clue what like three of these even are lmao. None. How long has it been since you had sex? Like over three years. Who was the last person to call you babe? Probably Sara. Last reason you went to the ER? My sister got in a wreck. Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents? I believe so. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's been many months. My legs are AWFUL, but it is an absolute chore to shave or use Nair because my hair is so long and thick. So I figure if there's very little/no chance someone's going to see my legs, why even do it. I really wanna get laser hair removal on my legs when I can afford it, though. What facial cleanser do you use? A Biore charcoal scrub. If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? I don't know? Probably dogs, lmao? How many purses do you own? One I use, then I have... two or three old ones saved just because I really like them. What are your top five favorite stores to clothes shop? Hot Topic, Rebel's Market, Spencer's, rue21, and... idk. I guess Wal-Mart lmao. What kind of clothes do you mostly wear? Yoga/dance/sweatpants with a tank top, graphic tee, or band tee. What about shoes? Flip flops like, year-round lol. If I do wear something else for whatever reason, it'll probably be my Vans or maybe a pair of Converse. Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? No. For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? Nah, birth control's made cramping a far smaller problem. Last thing you bought at the mall? Wow, I have no idea. Well... maybe a book before the hurricane to read if the power went out? I haven't read it if you're wondering, aha... Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Dad's met her once, but he seemed to enjoy her just fine, and Mom adores her. What store did you last buy clothes from? Wal-Mart. Which parent are you more similar to? I have traits aligning with each of them. I think my mom, but then again, I don't see my dad nearly enough to know his personality deeply since he changed IMMENSELY after the divorce. Have you ever been to another country’s capital city? No. What are some of your favorite qualities for another person to have? Compassion, wisdom, an open mind, gentle, passionate, a good sense of humor... What smell reminds you of your childhood? Chlorine, I guess. I swam a LOT as a kid; it was my favorite activity. Are you happy with who you are? In some ways, in some ways no. Do you ever sleep with your bedroom windows open? No; we live beside a busy road, and plus I don't trust people. Have you ever had a job where you didn’t fit in with your coworkers? No. What was the last word document you typed? I made a brief outline of the message I'm sending to the client who hired me for her wedding when I send her her pictures. Thanking her and telling her what more I could do for her, stuff like that. What’s something that has upset you lately? The extreme difficulty of finding a job for myself... Do you have a home security system? No, but damn do I want one. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? If you know the darker part of my photography, roadkill. People see it and either think 1.) "poor thing" or 2.) "dumb thing," and that's it. No one seems to truly consider our responsibility to watch for animals on the road; in most instances I've seen, the animal is blamed for being "stupid." No, they're fucking terrified and panicking. Anyway, I'm going on a tangent. Basically, I think we should feel far more pity for what we end, even though it's accidental. And get out of the fucking car to see if it's okay/can be saved. Have you ever gotten sick from someone else’s cooking? I believe so, but I don't really blame the cook. My stomach is just REALLY sensitive to food it's not used to, particularly fancier meals. What was the last kind of cheese you ate? American. How young is too young to be sexually active? "Personally, I think anything under 18." <<< Same. Would you ever dye your hair silver? I wanted to at some point, but particularly with my hairstyle now, idk how good it'd look. What was the last fun thing you did? Shot a wedding. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. What’s your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan. Do you know anyone who practices Hinduism? No. How long was your longest relationship? Three and a half years. When was the last time you spoke to the first person you ever kissed? February 2017. What’s a political issue you have a strong opinion on? Gay rights. What snacks do you like to get at the movie theater? Just popcorn is fine. If I have any candy, it's from a gas station or dollar store. Movie theater prices are expensive as fuck. Have you ever stayed in a hotel in the center of a big city? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? Romaine lettuce for my iguana. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? In bed. Do you have any friends you have never gotten into an argument with? Yeah, Connie. Girt and I have also never really had an argument, he's just said things that hurt me as his sense of humor can be a bit harsh and they were sensitive areas, but he's never meant it. Do you think you could survive living by yourself for a month? No. Can you cook anything other then toast? Yeah. How many times have you cried over the last person you cried over?  I don’t remember the last person that I cried over. Have you ever been in an on-and-off relationship? So annoying right? No. Have you ever developed a crush on someone the first day you met them? I don’t think so. Have you ever been with someone who was really clingy? Did it annoy you? For only two weeks. I like to pretend that shit never happened. Is there a store you go to so much the employees know your name? The tattoo/piercing parlor I go to know me well; some probably remember my name. Do you have any friends who never shut up about their boyfriend/girlfriend? One literally only talks to me if she wants to ramble endlessly about him. Have you ever helped someone while they were drunk puking? No. There is NO way I could be with someone while they're vomiting. The sound would make me join in, and that's almost a promise. What annoys you more to do, sneeze or cough? Cough. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet cat? I want another snake. Do you fall for all the lines about making guys/girls like you on magazine covers? Lmao yeah right. Do you have a calendar in your room? What’s it’s theme? My door is currently open so I can't see for sure, but I have three or four outdated meerkat calendars as decoration. Have you ever gotten anything racist about you yelled at you? No. Does the last person whose house you were at like anyone? She's married, so obviously. Do you own more pink or black clothes? Just about everything is black. Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever given you a stuffed animal? Yeah. What does the last body wash you used smell like? I think it's some kind of ocean-y scent? I don't pay attention. I just know it's blue. What is the worst name anyone has ever called you? A martyr, and not the good kind. Where is your favorite place to eat out? Sonic. Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or 'sir?’ No. That's general good manners in the South. Have you ever been obsessed with a television character? I don't think so, but maybe? What was the last thing that changed your life completely? Recovery. Do you have any step siblings? One. I don't call him my brother, though. Did you partake in senior skip days? HA I sure did. Have you ever read the Christian Bible? Not the entire thing. When the holidays come around, do you help decorate? Yeah. Has someone ever promised not to leave you? NEVER IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE BELIEVE THAT SHIT. Do you have a part-time job? No. Are you the type of person who likes to buy gifts for your friends? If I had my own money, I absolutely would. Hopefully I can when I have a job... though I don't exactly have many people to send anything to. Have you ever lived in an apartment before? I wasn't an actual resident, though I was pretty much always there. Have you ever been questioned by the police? No. Are you close to your parents? Yeah. Have you ever had to be put on medicine for a mental disorder? For most of my life. Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death? Wow, no. Do you ever spend the night with your significant other? Well, we're long distance. We do when we visit each other. Do you know a lot about serial killers? No. Have the police ever been looking for you? Ha ha yes, but only because my sister, friend, and I went walking on the beach at night, and apparently Mom didn't hear us when we told her we were going... Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. Do you cuss more than any one else you know? Tbh probably lmao. How old is your youngest cousin? I don't know. Do you tend to talk on the phone a lot? No. Have there ever been any serial killers around your hometown? I don't believe so. When was the last time you went to a museum? When my brother and nephew were here early this month. Do you know how to shoot a gun and hit a target? No. What turns you on the most? Don't grab my boobs. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes. Do you answer the phones at your work? N/A What’s your ring tone? The Revaleso remix of "Dear Insanity" by Asking Alexandria. The text alert sound is the chime of picking up a gem in Spyro. Do you want to fix anything with anyone? Yeah. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? I do literally every night. It sucks. What shows do you watch? None. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. When you were in elementary school, did you change best friends a lot? No. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? No. Who was the last person to give you a ride somewhere? My VR counselor drove me home the other day. What’s the scariest bug you’ve ever seen? I'm sure some kind of beetle. Not a fan of beetles. What was your favorite TV show you watched as a kid? Pokemon. :') How many times a day do you tell your parents you love them? Mom, at least once when she leaves for work. Dad, I barely ever see him, so. I don't daily. Ever talk to your pets? Of course I do. I talk to them like I talk to people. Do you think it’s alright if people baby talk to babies? ... Yes???? At a certain age you need to set an example to talk correctly, as the kid is going to copy you, but as a baby, no shit it's fine? Ever take a nap in a hammock? I may have fallen asleep, maybe not. Probably not tho 'cuz I would've been afraid of bugs (the hammock was between two trees directly outside the woods in our backyard), so I've likely just dozed for a bit, if anything. Who’s the best character in Rugrats? Oh boy, I don't remember them all. I know I liked Tommy, but I mean, he was the main character, so I guess that's to be expected for a little kid, mostly seeing him. Ever get caught doing something naughty with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Who has had the biggest impact on your life? Jason. Girls: ever wear boxers? Guys: ever wear a thong? No. Do you use q-tips to clean your ears? DON'T DO THAT. I got wax adhered to both eardrums because I did that frequently; it inevitably pushed things back and dried onto them. NOT fun getting it sucked out; hurts like a bitch. Always only use them for the outside of your ears. This has been a PSA. Ever want to make out with someone, anyone, didn’t matter who? No. Ever had your feelings hurt when you knew the person was joking? That is EASY, friendo. Do you make jack-o-lanterns during Halloween? Sometimes. Have you ever swam with dolphins? No. Cats, awesome pets or Satan in disguise? I love cats. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? Wash them. Do you hate using public restrooms? VERY MUCH. I will avoid using one at almost all costs. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Oh my fucking god. So one night my friend Chelsea and I were up REALLY late and were loopy as fuck and this bitch started looking up weird dildos and shit and I'm not even remotely kidding, she found a huge 50 lb. butt plug. I sincerely wish I was joking. Do you check to make sure there’s TP before using the restroom? Yeah. Do you drunk dial/text? I've never been drunk. Have you ever built a massive snow fort? No. We don't get enough snow here. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? Not entirely. Do you use acronyms to remember things? I did in school. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. When was the last time you went rollerskating? WOW I don't know, but it's been a long time. Do you call people “dude” a lot? Yes. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into them. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? Out of those, I may ever only squirm at nasty shit. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Probably ophthalmology (eye doctors). The last time I went to the eye doctor, I got way too into the science and anatomy of the eyes and such. You woulda thought I saw God when I realized I could see the veins in my eyes during that "lemme shine this light straight into your eyes" tests; I thought it was SO cool. Well, I probably realized this at previous appointments, I just didn't remember. Hm, or maybe a pathologist, that'd be cool. I'm looking through a list of doctors, yes. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? Probably just "I love you" and stuff like that from my niece and nephew. Ha ha aw, wait... When my brother and older nephew were here, Christian exclaimed, "She's up!", like the MOMENT I moved in bed one morning. I'm so happy to say that kid loves me. He wore me the HELL out in the course of just three days, but man, I miss the lil dude now. That occasion in particular just really sticks out to me because I do not find myself good with kids, and to just hear how excited he was that I was up meant the world to me. Apparently I was fun enough. At what age do you plan on moving out? I hope in like... two more years, maybe less. I need a stable job, a car, but I also DO NOT want to live alone, so I'd want to wait until Sara was ready to move, too. I'm beyond thankful Mom isn't rushing me in the least, she seems happy I live here actually, but I don't want to be in her hair much longer nonetheless. I have to be an adult. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? King Ramses from Courage the Cowardly Dog fuck-ing TERRIFIED me. His animation was unique to what was normal in the show, so that automatically stood out as different and weird, but more than anything, I was just so scared by his voice and repetitive lines. I had nightmares of that shitlord. HA HA OH MAN I REMEMBER THIS TOO: When I visited my aunt and uncle's when I was little, my family slept on the floor in a room downstairs, and there were small trees outside the window that would sway, and the outline on the curtains would make me think of him. I remember waking Mom up one night about it, and I think she gave me something for comfort, but idr what. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? In my very own fucking state, consent can no longer legally be revoked when sex begins. Fuck this place. How long does it take before you trust a person? It depends on the person. It's usually a while, though. Have you ever made a time capsule? What did you put in it? Hm... I feel like I have? Wait yeah, I did in elementary school! It was a class effort. Idr where it was buried. What would you do if your mom or dad read your diary/journal/blog? My mother would be deeply concerned that my love of Mark runs as deep as it does, meanwhile my dad would be v v v confused. They would mutually be very worried of their daughter's willingness to eradicate the fools of the population and replace them all with miniature Fischfucks. Do you know anyone with a lisp? I may? I don't exactly have a lisp, but in certain words, I pronounce "s" weakly due to my tongue piercing getting in the way, but it's very mild. If you were to break a Guinness Record, which one would you try and beat? Idk. What’s the coolest item in your room? I'm not sure, I find a lot of things in here particularly cool for various reasons. Hence why it's so heavily decorated. I guess my favorite is probably the Japanese, limited edition Silent Hill: Revelation flyer I have framed on the wall. I won it in a giveaway and I love it alskdjfklajwer. I wanna collect more SH merch, man. Are you accident-prone? Yes, due to my own lack of common sense and clumsy nature. As a kid, what was your favorite activity on the playground? I BOLTED for that swing. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? I'm not a fan of extreme muscles. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? Phew, I grew up fishing all the time with Dad. I'm certain I have. Well, I caught a catfish by the eye, but only the method's weird there, lol. I still to this day feel so bad for the fella. Is old age catching up with you? In my back and knees lmao. Can you sleep through thunderstorms? Yes. Ever spent the night in a tent? Yes. Do people confide in you? Some do. Ever been around someone who makes you feel stupid? He doesn't intend to, he's just reeeaaally fucking smart. Actually, that goes for my brother, too. I knew he was very intelligent, but holy shit, when he was here last and I actually got to hear more about him, his beliefs, and general knowledge, dude's a genius. How many college degrees do you want? Either up to Bachelor's or Master's. For my career goal of being an out-in-the-field zoologist, I need the latter. Do you like animals? SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes; my high school senior project was at least one. There's other personal stories I wrote as a kid, too. Can you snap your fingers? Yes. Can you wink? My right eye, yes. I can with my left eye, but not without my face distorting pretty badly. What song explains how you feel about love? *shrugs* Does hardship make a person stronger? It depends on what they take from it. What comes to mind when you think of pregnancy? Ew please never. Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? Yeah, hockey games with Dad. What is your favorite brand of clothing? I don't have one. Which do you value more, intellect or work ethic? Work ethic. How well do you know the people you live with? Well, I live with my mom, who I've lived with my whole life, and we're very close, if that answers the question. Do you have any heroes? *blinks* Ever been to a cabin on a mountain? No, I wish. Ever lost your voice? At least once. Are you a cautious person? Yes. Meet Anxiety, baby. Do you enjoy comedy shows? Yeah. Do you chew gum? Sometimes, rarely. Do you think a lot when taking a shower? Not really. I just enjoy whatever music I have on. Are you currently charging your phone? No. Do you ever get razor rash? No. Are you a private person? It depends on the subject. If you straighten your hair, do you always use hair spray? N/A Do you curl your hair often? It's too short to be curled. What’s the earliest you’ve ever woken up for school? Idk. Probably around 5:00-5:30 if I was getting ready for a special day or something. Can you get ready in under 10 minutes? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you were a bad kisser? No. Do you like Frostys from Wendy’s? Hell yeah. Would you ever sleep in the same bed as your sibling? Sure, if we had no other choice. Ever taken a shower with someone? My little sister and I did all the time as kids, I'm guessing to save water. Would you consider yourself to be a creative person? Yes. Do you usually take a nap during the day? Yes, usually. Might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? HELL YEAH!!!!!! So long I have my camera and company, that'd be awesome!!! Do you suffer from frequent paranoia? Eh, not as badly as I used to. Two friends whom have been there for you the most? Sara and Girt. If you/your gf became pregnant accidentally, would you consider abortion? If it was my own fault for not using protection, I couldn't do it; then that's my own foolishness. I would regardless if my life was endangered, though. I do believe abortion is killing a living being once brain activity begins, but I believe in the right to put yourself first. If a complete stranger picked a fight with you, would you fight or flight? Flight if possible. Defend myself when necessary. Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? House pet, so long as my owner is a good one that truly loves me. Wild animal would be much more dangerous, and besides, I like the idea of companionship. Can you juggle more than two objects at once? lol I probably couldn't even juggle two. Can you function well on little to no sleep? Eh. I'm cranky for sure, but I can function. Well... depending. If I am REALLY tired, I won't be able to keep my eyes open. Do you find that it is difficult to maintain your mood? Even on medication, I'm still bipolar (not using that as an adjective; I'm legitimately diagnosed with it). My mood can change VERY quickly with tiny stimuli, but at a much, much milder degree. Have you ever listened to a group of chanting Monks? (if not you should) No, but it's cool! Two sports that you are horrible at? Tennis and volleyball. The latter mostly just hurts like a bitch. One thing that you would like to change about your life? My job situation. What was the last candy you ate? Sour gummy worms. Which decade was your favorite for fashion trends? Idk. I'm really not educated enough on what was trendy for each one. Do you like the current fashion trends? I pay no attention. Who is the strangest (or one of the strangest) person you’ve met? I won't give away his name as it's a pretty unique one, but there was a kid in high school who was certainly different in both good and bad ways. He was pretty unstable. Made his own religion. What are you struggling with currently? Finding a mfckn job. Do you forgive yourself for your mistakes? Most, I'd say. Have you ever been abused by a police officer? No. Name one friend who had a parent who was in jail. A cousin of mine. Has anyone tried to kill you and then played the victim? No? What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship and Scrabble. Can you remember the last time you played a board game? A few months back with Sara and Girt. Actually Scrabble, lol. List three traumatic memories you have. The only truly traumatic memory I have is the breakup. Well, I guess a nightmare I had with my dad kinda is too, seeing as it still affects my trust today? Have you ever been misdiagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Yup. How the fuck did I have ADHD, woman. If you don’t mind my asking, when was the last time you had diarrhea? Like about two weeks ago before my period started. That's starting to seem like a theme. Do you prefer sunny days or cloudy days? I like partly cloudy. Do you have a painful past? A good chunk of it. But I mean, who doesn't have some rough paths behind them. What was the best time of your life? Walking through Chicago with Sara and her dad one night was INCREDIBLE. Coming from the middle of nowhere into such a colossal city with all these lights and such was such a shock to me, and exploring it with them was super cool. It was cold as fuck, but still, it was fun. When was the last time you were hugged? Idk. Well, probably last time I was at Ashley's saying bye to everyone. Do you trust your doctor? Yes. Name something God has healed you of. HAHAHAHA. If applicable, how old were you when you got "saved?" I was raised into religion, so I don't know. I grew up "saved." Have you been baptized, and if so, where? Yes, at my childhood church.

[bigowlenergy]

Notes on Gender, Ethnicity, and Culture

At the heart of the etoneki conflict/drama is nothing more than culture clash.

Eto may be amazing at studying others and have replicated humanity well enough to be a respected author among humans without anyone finding any clues to her ghoul nature, not even Haise in RE: - but she is still someone who was raised by ghouls. Her base nature is as a ghoul, from the 24th ward specifically. Naturally, there’s going to be some confusion between her and Kaneki, who was raised by humans.

But that leaves the good good question of what those differences should be. Clearly, some should be tiny, but there NEED to be huge misunderstandings bc I live for that kind of drama. Also, it’s a slowburn, so. that’s how it is.

this is long, and tagged for spoilers for a good reason. nothing specific, but if u like being surprised by the plot in ur grapefruit, go no further as of chapter 5

1) Ghouls have ABO while humans do not. Sure, there was a decently long time where Kaneki lived among ghouls, but can u picture early chapter Touka willingly sitting him down and giving the birds and the bees and the grasshoppers and also the spiders Talk? I think not. Maybe Kouma? Itori would. Like, they’d both kill him dead with it, but they would. And knowing the contexts within another culture doesn’t mean that you have assimilated those words/concepts to your own yourself, or that you actually know every single social detail, especially as it applies to others.

...but Eto does. And human gender/sexuality is fairly simple on the whole, except when it isn’t, so she has a leg up on him there.

plus, the way I have the ABO structured, it makes a bit more sense for him to be less aware of it, since his gender, as perceived by ghouls, is the most privileged one. Especially since its associated with deliberate power gain, which he totally played into during the later half of the first TG, so it would be a natural assumption for ghouls to make that he understood that he was acting exactly as his gender is socially expected to. and in a way that would socially cement his powerful omega status.

Tsukiyama would totally say something about it, since with the whole affluent family thing he’d probably be very aware of gender and social dynamics, but anything shuu says can be followed by “and he called me a cabbage in French last week, so okay shuu, whatever poetics ‘omega’ means to u, go ahead, have your fun buddy.” Banjou, who was involved with Rize, would be too worried about offending him or making it embarrassing to say anything. and as a ghoul even lower than shuu, he’d be super conservative about getting up in an omega’s business. It would just be this ambiguous open secret that everyone but Kaneki is totally, painfully aware of. the gasmask trio find this hilarious. Hina is a wee bab whose parent was a doctor for ghouls, so she just accepts her big bro as is.

so there’s eto’s expectations to be basically an underling to someone powerful as a normal, comfortable relationship dynamic, pitted against kaneki’s human-embedded inclination toward monogamy and not something that feels like weird bdsm domination stuff. they each are expecting a certain treatment from one another, and not getting it. eto feels neglected, since he isn’t all in her business and allowing her to settle in the shadow of his power and just ride things out, and kaneki, with only human expectations for sex, gender, and whatever the hell just happened, expects the worst from her as the “““male”““ in the relationship who manipulated him.

the conflict is that neither happens.

all of the power is on his side of the court, but in human terms, it feels like the opposite - vis a vis, human misogyny and all the horrible expectations for a sex and reproduction based marriage system that go along with that.

which is why i’ve inverted all that to make myself feel better :)

2) i kicked knots out bc idk about that business, but there have to be other physical differences. there have to be, or its boring. and then again, since both are hybrids, what should either have?

i’ve decided eto will have all physical differences or a learned equivalent due to ghoul socialization, while kaneki should have none but whatever was forced on him through his kakuhou - ie, pheromone stuff, but nothing more.

ghouls can purr, bc i am weak to that shit. Kaneki is aware of this. it’s just a Thing that they do. he’s read to Hina and she’s fallen asleep purring before and it was adorable. irimi purrs very quietly when she cleans things. uta is a purr machine when he makes masks, and it knocks yomo out unless he’s drunk, then he just purrs like a truck engine from the floor near uta’s desk for three hours. touka hasn’t purred since ayato left

eto purrs when she’s satisfied with her writing flow, which is one of the main reasons she prefers to work alone in her apartment and keep shiono out. otherwise, she doesn’t mind company. she also purrs when happy, like most ghouls. kaneki does not. i can site Haise’s RC scan on this: since he never took damage to the throat, he never had a chance to heal ‘more ghoul’ in that area.

so the exchange of a happy eto, deeply content with their uneasy peace, purring to express such delight, meets a blank wall that doesn’t agree. her social expression of happiness clashes up against kaneki only maybe leaning toward physical affection and being quiet. he can understand that she is happy, and she can understand that he can’t respond in the same way, but the dynamics of their relationship make her doubt her actions and get instinctually afraid of doing something wrong and upsetting someone much more powerful than her who also decides if she is allowed to reproduce with him or not. and stops purring and gets unsettled. kaneki is only confused and maybe she doesn’t like being touched? time to touch less. oh no, she did do Something Wrong and now omega is mad at her!! interpersonal drama escalates on both sides >:3c

ghouls have great night vision. kaneki also does and you know why. youve read the series. full ghouls have tapetum lucidum in both eyes, but eto only has it in her single ghoul eye. her vision is unbalanced in the dark but due to her learning to compensate for the slight reduction in light capture on one side she gets by just fine. it also parallels nicely with arima’s poor eyesight and learning to compensate for it.

ghouls are crepuscular while humans are diurnal, but this doesn’t matter since neither of etoneki know what a sleep schedule is. and the 24th ward doesn’t experience day/night cycles, so they have their own issues with sleeping when safe, do not sleep when not safe.

ghouls tend toward pack structure, but not in a rigid way where there can only be one omega/powerful ghoul per unit. as long as everybody gets along personally, its fine. omega don’t see each other as competition. alpha toss themselves at their feet without prompting. they’re not a scarce resource. alpha don’t even really fight over omega unless completely affected by heat and rut cycles and unable to grasp the concept of maybe next time. but even that is rare, mostly only those who are jealous as a person attempt this. if alpha fight over an omega and one wins, the omega might just kill them for taking away some of their prospects, or might be impressed by the show of strength. or annoyed by it, bc they want weak underlings. depends on the person. (eto is more than a bit possessive, at least for his first heat.)

more on this point as i think of it.

3)  I haven’t specified kaneki’s personal gender identity for a reason. that reason is that i’m not sure what direction i want to go. this is strictly for maman, not Sugar, which is trans girl Sasako forever. for this piece of feti/sh garbage? whom knows! (I know. and until word of god says otherwise - i’m god - every character is trans.)

but really, there’s options. and i love them all.

A) kaneki was trans all along. hide is best bi bud. aunt was a bitch, but nothing worse than canon since he was closeted at the time, although he doubly prepared to never speak to her again. (true neutral)

B) woke up a ghoul and with new parts. why believe a species change but not a sex change, eh? heightens the early game confusion and search for id as a person whose major ids have changed against his will. (lawful neutral)

C) gradual transformation. like how he came into his strength as a ghoul slowly. read a doujin like this once. was okay. quality art, big titties, 8/10. ngl would read the sequel. (Perhaps I am writing the sequel? aren’t we all just chasing our Brands across the lonely internet, hopping from one computer virus to the next? maybe u die reading hentai, or u live long enough to see urself post to ao3.) (chaotic neutral)

D) heals himself a new set of parts due to intense damage. see the haise RC chart, which has a ton of pathways around the hips/torso area. parallels with cutting eto in half?? (also lawful neutral)

E) started happening as a transformation when eto’s pheromones triggered his heat cycle for the first time. boy would he be pissed at her X2 lmao (lawful evil)

F) transformation during #240 time due to losing all memory and only having instinct to structure his body with, and just enough RC pathways to make a hormone based transformation possible. Chiba would have had a field day, but also would have torn out his horrible bowl cut in confusion. get rekt bud. not even #240 knows wtf goin on (neutral evil)

G) maybe he just wanted a vag! thought about that?? learns he is supposed to be able to manipulate his flesh like his kagune, which he is canonically great at, and just Goes For It. it works. he is a strong, dependent idiot who don’t need no dick. (iconic)

H) same as above, but that’s just what Haise does when he has the reigns. looks deep into his pastless self and asks ‘do i have to put up with this cis nonsense? not today.’ (chaotic iconic)

I) it happens suddenly when he activates his kakuja for the first time. queer the monster transformation u wish to see in the world. just. so confused. but also there’s Guilt to be felt about banjou and amon and such, so that’s back burner. (chaotic evil)

okay, so in like fifteen minutes i was able to name 9 perfect opportunities for ishida to carry though the motif of 1)iding with female ghouls 2)paralleling with canon trans man mutsuki 3)litcherally having a female ghoul organ donation fiasco 4)being associated with vacillating between masculine yang and feminine yin black/white 5)having a narrative that revolved around accepting his body and learning to find his own strength and id that is different than what he was born with - but coward ishida stopped sixty miles short of the mark. fool. I Cannot Feast Upon Crumbs, Sir. Sir, You Have Given Me Airplane Peanuts For Supper. Sir, I Am Starving And Antagonistic At Best.

(i shouldn’t call him a coward. three huge series magically having the same Wife And Kids ending all during the time shinzou abe is in office? probably not a coincidence. hope they got a good payout for it. i’d sell out for that $$$ too tbh)

eto is just an alpha. her human social id is a Normal Human Female Who Is Totally Cis and Straight for maximum social acceptance and ease of integration, but that’s only her mask. her personal id is an alpha, which is cis by ghoul standards, and she uses she/her pronouns bc she feels like it. she has the power to id as above alpha, but she enjoys the social invisibility it gives her, since she can blend in the background whereever and noone looks at her presumably weak ass twice. like chie, but for nefarious purposes.

....does that make her the equivalent of a ghoul feminist? i’m getting Too Deep

4) the wards can be isolated and far apart, and its been explored in canon with the Three Blades family and the white suites - congrats u 2 - and ghoul organizations that have a home ward having distinct cultural differences from one another. small ethnic groups and isolated diaspora? natives? subset?? of whatever the 24th ward ghouls - sorry, tokyo humans - are.

this sort of thing is only tangentially related to kaneki. if someone with a texas accent teaches someone to speak english, that person will have that accent, whether they’v ever been to texas or not. so he has some of the social mannerisms of a 20th ward ghoul, but generally still has a lot of ingrained human attributes to confuse them.

5) i’m still fascinated by the half finished thought about there are just some ghouls who become binge eaters in canon. like Rize wasn’t special for it. I think shinohara mentioned this?? but. it makes sense. general food insecurity, lack of permanent social support, total oppression, absurd power levels, plenty of humans to take it out on...ye.

and kaneki has the kakuhou of an adult binge eater. there’s cool hints of the kakuhou being parasitic, so a mature one would def fall into the biological fulfillment of binge eating for strength and carry that genetic knowledge into a new host. and from there, it would induce cravings, serotonin reward systems, and all that good stuff to get what its come to like.... like, mayhaps, a cordycepts? ;)

well, i’ve put ‘binge eater’ down as just a general omega trait, since it feels authentic to do so, so we’ll see what i do with this in the future. i will also see, since i too am ignorant of my own self. what will my horny subconscious do next? i am usually the last to know.

anyway,

peace

[oswednesday]

she got me cheap watercolor paper but in a cute like the size of your hand size but also like that had to have been the cheapest one there idk what to use it for like maybe i could practise line thickness like, can you practise that sorta thing accurately on poor quality paper? maybe ill do some glitter glue stuff with it? like use it as card stock for mini collages? omg that sounds like fun ill do that! 

and then she got me one of those like cheap brand brush sets that are like synthetic dyed to look like natural like,,,,i can get stuff like that myself thanks,,,,she went to fucking smith and worked in the Arts for years she knows better and knows i know better so its like some her being cheap as a slight or something and then she got me like the same cheap brand of a complete like acrylic set but its like the same quality as poster paint i can DEF do something with it its just sdfghjgffd

 all the money she spends on cheap thoughtless kinds of things she could have gotten like one, thoughtful thing i dont understand asdfghjkl and then, she got me sheets, after i Specifically and Repeativedly told her not to, like no wonder she was being so nice all of the sudden yeesh 

omg, tho all that said maybe i can make a Flesh creature with these sheets like emulating that one artist theyre like pink sheets which, cute, and i might like if i like,,picked them out for myself and they were everything i need,,theyre not even the make of fabric i said i needed even after all that research, like whats the point in spending all together like 50, maybe 100 dollars? when she could get me like One thing that i want

omg my morning tantrum was about this how my dad's parents and my dad and mom would just get me garbage basically when they did give me gifts like stuff i had to thrift shop or just throw away because they were like, just stuff that was meaningless and thoughtless and from like the dollar store with the dollar store sticker still on it, like or even adjacently thoughtful but like omg like one memory really sticks with me my grandma on my dads side got me like a glittery box frame with a poodle on it which like she knew i liked poodles which like, that was very thoughtful of her all things considered but i needed like a phone, a car, clothes, food, stuff for school, other people in the family were getting new electronics and just stuff they asked for and i got like, whatever they could scoop out of the ratty clearance section but her knowing i liked poodles was the most thoughtful gift i had gotten from them and my mom's side of the family just gives cash and gift cards which like preferable to random stuff just the same kinda adjacent thoughtfulness where Thats Nice but you dont know me, idk

you Know my brothers probably going to get the switch or like tons of video games and he was like annoyed that he had to come out to see me open gifts like Okay