#idk man. this sounds bad tbh
Text
he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
no the "omg ur just a lesbian bc u can't get a man!!!1" thing is SO wild because it's incredibly easy to get a man meanwhile getting a woman (as a woman) is INSANELY difficult. despite what everyone says is2g ~wlw~ have higher standards (with women) than men do with women or women do with men
#god i wish i were a straight man so bad.#they dont know how EASY they have it#truly if theres male incels that cant get any there must be something seriously seriously wrong with them like#either a severe physical deformity or severe issues with hygiene or severe severe autism/mental illness or something just really really bad#i mean REALLY bad#i know i sound like a bitter incel rn thats because i am. leave me alone#and honestly i dont feel like being trans limited my dating pool by much if at all bc tbh? nobody was interested in me in the first place#and like honestly all the ftms i knew irl had more game than me as a ~cis dyke~ so like. Lol.#idk bro maybe i am just that ugly. whatever.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's been rolling around in my brain the last few days for some reason, but I still hate the family backstory reveals for Sophie and Eliot. I've seen some of the meta for it, but quite frankly, it still makes no sense. If it had been something actually thought of and intentional in the original, I think it could have been so fascinating. I mean, Sophie's willing abandonment of Astrid to contrast with Nate's loss of Sam or Eliot's adoption in contrast with Hardison's and Parker's? Could have been excellent! But they came out of nowhere in Redemption and don't work with these characters.
Sophie was still actively using the fucking alias that she met Astrid under! She met with someone from her past on the show! Like. Quite frankly, that one is unequivocally bullshit that they made up and threw in and pretended could fit with the established canon. (And I'm sorry, but the idea of Sophie abandoning Astrid and never telling Nate about her just... So much of Nate's trauma was rooted in the loss of Sam, and I think that introducing this element after he's gone and unable to respond to it taints Sophie and Nate's relationship in a way bc I'm not exactly sure how Nate would've responded to learning about this but I think that it's something he'd have needed to know. I don't know how to fully express my thoughts on that but yeah.)
As for Eliot, I don't like the adoption aspect literally at all. The way that he would interact with his family and the memory of his family would be different, and I think that it's flat out ridiculous to think that he'd have never mentioned it to the team in the original show, especially when dealing with the kid cases. (I also dislike the biracial adoption as its own element because if Eliot was actually raised by Black parents in the... idk what 80s/90s? That just. doesn't feel congruent with how they write Eliot interacting with PoC, not necessarily in a bad way, but babe, he's written like a white southern man raised in a specific kind of culture that does not jell with that. It also makes Eliot look... really bad that he was apparently raised with the knowledge of how fucked up the military was and his parents' history and made the choices that he did.) Like the show may not have explicitly stated it but the implication of that relationship was vastly fucking different throughout the original show.
Just. These were not backstories that were congruent with their depiction and characters in the original show, and they're also just moves that I don't particularly like or find interesting directions for those characters. There's also something to be said about how it was apparently unacceptable for a woman to not have kids or someone not reconciling with their biological family when that was something that the original show handled a lot better. Out of all the directions to take Sophie and Eliot's stories, that's just not really one that I think was a good idea.
#i'm not sure if i worded this v well tbh which concerns me#bc like. like i said i dont like the adoption plot anyways but part of my problem with that storyline IS that billy is black#bc i don't think that the way eliot is written makes sense if he was raised by a black couple during that decade#bc the way that he would have engaged with his family and community and the world around him would've been different#especially bc he was raised in the fucking south in the 80s#bc i dont think eliot was ever racist in the original show but i dont think that he really knew#how it was different for poc in certain ways that dont make sense if he was raised by a black couple#like the previous implications of his childhood and specifically his father were v much in the stereotypical v pro military be a man cultur#that culture is also v rooted in toxic masculinity and whiteness#God i hope that makes sense bc i feel like that sounds v bad#but i'd love more black characters on the show and i think that for pretty much any other mc that'd have been fine#it's specifically eliot with the space that he occupies that i feel like it's a problem with his backstory#which also is why i dont like that he's adopted at all bc that's an influential part in how you first view your place and family and all th#that i dont think makes sense with eliot's character. like literally nothing about that reveal really feels like it makes sense with eliot#and to move over to sophie for a second i feel like bringing up the abandoned stepdaughter would have been pretty damn important#when sophie was struggling with the idea of who she really was beneath the aliases and the grift#and especially when she's in a relationship with nate who WAS a father like#and that she used the charlotte alias to meet with someone from her past but there wasnt anything about the fallout#which still makes no fricking sense either way#also insert something about sophie being an older woman without kids#(i know there's the ot3 but they're not actually in a position as her kids bc theyre still equals in a sense)#and needing to actually go no no she was a mom! and then bailed and did all this and blah blah but she's always been a mom in her heart <3#and adding in this relationship as if an older woman cant be satisfied or complete without kids#and i know that ppl might bring up parker but like lbr parker is positioned in a v different space narratively than sophie#ofc parker doesn't have kids she's positioned in a space as the Odd one the kinda broken one#her defying the expectations narratively doesnt necessarily work the same bc of her place#idk i kinda hope these dont end up in the main tags bc idk how ppl will respond nor how well i actually got across my points#but i do wanna tag them for my blog so#leverage#sophie devereaux
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
i get why people would opt to say walter was a terrible person since the beginning, but i think that's like, the most boring takeaway you can get about his character. he was already insecure and prideful from the start, and it's what would hurt him and keep hurting him. but like, being insecure and prideful are regular traits any regular person can have. the actions that he makes because of these traits, which in turn keep fueling his ego more and more, are what makes him an interesting character. and he was already pretty capable of hurting other people, but he wasn't doing it out of malice, but more because of careless selfishness at first. what makes walter terrifying is that the more he does it, the more he becomes aware of what he's doing, and the more he keeps going and keeps being more and more meticulous and deliberate about what he does that hurts people and even to the point when it was specifically to hurt people.
i think the traits were there in walter from the beginning—the pilot did a pretty good job of establishing how powerless he's felt all his life and just how susceptible he is to letting this newfound perceived power get to his head so easily. he even says this explicitly in 5x06 "Buyout" when he tells jesse "i'm not in the money business, i'm in the empire business". but saying he was this monster from the start kind of implies he didn't undergo through a character arc throughout the show when it's quite literally what he did. he got worse. so much worse. through mostly the fault of his own fragility.
#idk if i put it into words right but i'm just musing#was walter a good person when brba started? up in the air. but his family genuinely adored him. despite feeling like a loser teacher#some of his coworkers actually really liked and respected him. he was just as much of a regular person as anyone else was tbh#you know it's interesting that he and gale basically have the same motivations. why jump to meth of all things. why go from 0 to 100 when#it sounds COMPLETELY ridiculous. but they were both very passionate about chemistry who felt like their potentials were wasted and felt#like they were finally putting their skills to good use again. getting to flex their muscles and shit. whenever they cook better purer meth#than most other people. i think it's a really genius idea to have this premise for the show lol#cz as much as walter is motivated by him feeling like he desperately has to take control of his own life he also is a scientist at heart#who desperately needs to apply his knowledge and skills somewhere where it would feel gratifying#seriously dude you could've tried to get a paper published or two or something. djhdidhd#but the academe has its own Politics and whatnot. so one could only speculate why walt didn't get to pursue that any more#(aside from the whole grey matter industries thing)#anyway uhhh i hope i get the post across lol not to sound cheesy cliche but brba is a corruption slash character deterioration arc#quite literally the whole point is that he Didn't Start Off Like This And He Gets Worse#again. he already had some of his bad tendencies and traits but it's like. we all do that's not necessarily inherently make or break#it's what he DOES and KEEPS DOING. CONSCIOUSLY that turns him into the horrifying man he is by the end of it all#so i just think if your biggest takeaway is Walter Was Always A Monster then you're just missing the whole damn point#op#brbaposting
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reading Asunder and I think I hate this more than the first two. The first two were often poorly done in a technical sense, and often had a lot of sexism. But Asunder is the "video game developers idea of gray morality" problem fucking distilled. The sexism is still here, and most of the technical issues are fixed (though certainly not fucking all) but like
Every two damn minutes it's: the noble and pure and pretty Evangeline (ignore the fact that like a kid starved to death under her charge and she is actually a threat and jailer to everyone around her just bc they were born different) who is so noble bc she.... believes the beliefs of the organization doing all the bad stuff. But she believes it really genuinely, that she's helping, even when working w the bad organization. And she's pretty, we'll mention that again.
Versus Adrian who's described as pretty never and often described as mousy and irritating. And she wants all the mages to be free but she's like soooo angry and loud and mean. Did you hear how she's too angry? She's soooooo angry, the redheaded fire Mage. So angry. And she's super judgemental. No one's as judgemental as her, even Wynne (a character who's greatest and most consistent flaw is being judgemental) will call her out as being too judgemental. And of course like, maybe she has some points about Mage freedom if she just wasn't so angry about it and obsessed with it. And she's not pretty.
And of course. Both. Are in a love triangle with our main male POV character. In fact he at one point dated Adrian, although it's impossible to tell why, bc he only ever thinks of her in the worst ways possible, so like. What did he like about her? What does he even like about Evangeline other than that he thinks she's hot? No one knows.
Something about it being written slightly more competently makes me like it even less
#dragon age#asunder#dragon age critical#asunder critical#tbh. david gaiders rant about how romance ruins the paths a character can go dowm#(or limits it or whatever)#makes a lot of sense when you read his novels- because his romances are fucking unbelievable#his women are on occasion given a second dimension instead of the one#and he cant even fucking know why two people would like each other#perhaps esp if a woman is involved. he doesnt know what makes women people let alone why one would want one romantically#so he just goes. idk shes hot to him or whatever. instead of presuming that like.#when people of all genders get with women its for as myriad complex and interesting ways as when men get with men. bc women are literally#not that different from men and also exist as full people#so his romances are always like 'idiot local man thinks woman is pretty. that is all. now they are trapped in one of like 3 paths'#like maybe you think romance is limited bc you arent fucking good at it man. you fucking suck at it.#your inventiness when it comes to worldbuilding? great. love some of that stuff.#when theres a woman in the room you sound like a caveman trying to figure out what a plane is#when youre designing her romance you sound like that same caveman trying to build the plane from scratch after figuring out the concept#its sooooooo fucking bad#and you can tell he thinks hes immune to it bc hes gay. you can just. see that he thinks bc he doesnt want to fuck women#he cant possibly be misogynist about them. YOU STILL DONT THINK THEYRE THE SAME AS YOU AND ITS DRIPPING OFF THE PAGE MAN#krogans thoughts
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
still thinking abt the tumblrinx i encountered a while back whose pinned post said they were transmasc… and also demanded that men dni
like—i’m not confused by the convoluted not-like-the-other-boys doublethink that gets you there, i can follow the chain of illogic just fine, but i sure am deeply wearily depressed by it!
#i know plenty of good men—good cis men even! gasp!#and i just think like. if we can’t move away from‚ like‚ cold gender war how the fuck do we move forward#fundamentally like. 100% block people who have behaved towards you in ways you didn't like.#but like. this whole thing where ~afabs~ preemptively self-victimize by conjuring up the creepiest cishet man they can imagine#and self-harm by worrying abt that imaginary guy jacking off to them#is just like. i understand how it happens but it’s like. you’re actively doing negative visualization#and‚ like‚ preemptively self-victimizing#ime it feels a lot better to move through the world unworried‚ in the knowledge that if someone says sth gross to you: you can block them!#anyway ultimately i’m pretty clearly making this post bc i'm overdue to unfollow the tirfiest blogger i’m currently following#like. yeah loads of cishet men are shitheads but ~misandry~ is so last decade#and frankly i don’t have a lot more time for the cishet women who have bought into the same system—like i have some sympathy but.#these people all get warped by the system into complementary fucked-up cogs whose teeth bite into one another#and i’m just not interested in biting back—i want to leave all the biting behind in the dust of the junkyard that birthed it#and like. i don’t want to dismiss the oppression that births this sort of rhetoric. it's super real and it's toxic and it fucks people up.#but it’s like. when people have bad dads and then are like Dads R Always Bad!!!#and i’m just over here like. i don’t know how to say this without sounding like i’m invalidating you but my dad was a fucking saint tbh#not perfect dgmw but like. a sweet gentle encouraging man who got ground down by my mother’s toxic heel along with the rest of us#so like. actually not only are you closing yr eyes to a better future‚ yr closing yr eyes to other ppl’s lived realities#like i personally managed to have a totally life-ruining mother without deciding Mothers Are Ontologically Evil Actually!#idk. obviously women remain *enormously* systemically oppressed! but surely we can acknowledge and decry that without#implicitly rhetorically closing off any possibility of a gentler queerer gender dynamic?#anyway none of this is revolutionary i’m just like. i KNOW the fascists want to cut off my toes and force me into the glass slipper#of viciously constrained femininity#that in turn makes itself feel better by sneering at men‚ critiquing other women who Do It Wrong‚ and exerting control over children#so i have strong personal cause to care about misogyny even if i didn’t care about it in the abstract#but i just think like. acting like traditional gender roles and dynamics are a fixed truth we can only bruise ourselves on#instead of a human construction that we can undermine and work to topple#is not actually the path to a healed world in the long run!#anyway. beta edition post (thumbtyped & not reread): may contain bugs.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tall and muscled as he is, Alhaitham still does very much like being held and doted on. Guaranteed that if a partner or even a friend indulges him in it, they will quickly become a favorite person and be sought out frequently for affection.
#hc; alhaitham#//His favorite way is straddling them while they're lounging on the couch and burying his face in their chest or; more often; shoulder#//9/10 would end up dozing off right then and there; if not will talk to them via almost pouty-sounding mumbles#//Loves to do that esp after a particularly hectic day at the Akademiya; bonus if they pat his head or comb through his hair during#//WILL get a lil fussy & bratty if they try to pry him off 'too soon'. Like Miette; except it a 6'+ grown man clinging for dear life djrgdg#//He is ridiculously cute and affectionate sometimes; but you've gotta put the Work in to get his trust/comfort to that extent#//He is very favoring to headpats in general; tbh#//They make him feel so happy and accomplished#//Give him a headpat ONCE; and he WILL keep coming back for the affirmation after completing tasks#//Assuming the person is someone he's close/comfortable with or like. Nahida herself#//Just rolls up and Staaarres with Big ol' cat eyes & incline his head a bit; talking up all he got done#//Then after a bit say he would like compensation for his completed tasks. Will affirm he's serious is asked; then drop it if not conceded#//Very much disappointed; for certain. And it WILL show in his work ethic for the rest of the day#//Idk; rlly loving the idea of this big boi being so down bad for affection for smaller partners/friends#//Tenderly hold the tol man; he will adore you forever#//Tldr; Mans is just a big ol cat mdbgj#//He likes to reciprocate it too; the INSTANT he realizes his partner likes/needs physical affection; he WILL indulge every chance he gets
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#genuin question and im really sorry if i sound dumb#but where did the Laios was being racist to Toshiro thing come from?#i dont think i can read it that way#its an intesting thought for sure but it felt like it was more a show of oblivious boundary crossing then racism#laios didnt know anything about toshiros culture and tbh was treating toshiro as if he was any other close freind#and toshiro wasnt complaining about laios calling him slurs or making stereotypes of him#he was complaining about him being to forward and not reading the room#im japanese. im a minority who has lived in America my whole life so ive experienced a lot of micro aggression#including ones like- having someone call me annoying or a push over because i was 'Too polite' bec they didnt understand what a soft No was#but thats not whats happening here?#laios isnt talking down to shiro for his more reserved demeaner#laios was man bec toshiro didnt explain it better yeah but only because he thought they were genuinely good freinds#not bec he thought toshiros culture was bad#idk maybe im missing something?
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think the biggest red flag for me regarding the hopelesspeaches and lio convoy stuff, their entire group (especially lio) has near identical speech patterns and dynamics as my mom's online friend group. Which is less of a red flag and more of a raging wildfire tbh
#I listened to all the calls when they 'leaked' but I didn't know they were leaks I thought lio posted that stuff proudly#I didn't know that they weren't meant to be seen by the public until just now lol#Anyways I'm pleasantly surprised people are talking about how fucked up they were#Bc tbh when I was like 'oh this makes peaches (and everyone else) look like a bitch kinda' the first time I heard the calls-#I thought I was maybe being too judgey or sensitive or something?#But now everyone else is like 'yeah they are all being bitches actually' im like. Oh! So I understood right and wasn't just overreacting#Mostly bc lio was ranting about being a conservative Christian and weird 'nuclear family values' on one call and my immediate thought was#'oh gross Im too biased against this man to be able to look at this-#-discussion objectively. I'm gonna think he sucks regardless of the situation and therefore idk lf im a fair judge ?'#So it's cool to get confirmation from other ppl saying 'oh no ur right he sucks and here's why'#this is the 2nd time this week I got 'no youre not just overreacting. Other ppl are upset too' validation abt a topic. cool#//shade#I'm sure there's plenty of found family groups online that are great but so many of the ones i hear abt feel like a cult imo#My mom is in a group where this dude calls her and other women there his daughters like lio does to peaches and it feels gross to me idk#Ik everyone craves found family connections but. Idkk it feels weird to be taking that in a literal sense and calling them dad/my daughter#Feels like introducing unnecessary power dynamics.#Theres a difference between 'oh this person is like family to me because we're so close'#vs 'oh i am adopting this person and assuming a parental position over them'. that sounds unhealthy I think ?#Edit I just found out lio posted a response but it's midnight and I have a date tomorrow I'm not watching that rn lol#imo both him and peaches are bad and idc if one is worse than the other or whatever.#Peaches has been two faced for a while; lio might've taken advantage of her bc he's kinda creepy. They're both saying the other abused them#This is like jade and julian talking shit about each other to me. Idc guys I hate both of u srry <3#Iykyk
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
honestly the fact that gale got kidnapped is mildly ruining how i wanna play the game bc like. i wanna do all the side quests first and Then get to gortash and orin but like i wanna have gale back? i dont want him to just miss out on so much stuff?? like hes been there since the very beginning and now when hes gonna come back it's already like oh yeah cazador is dead and shadowheart got her parents back no big deal. we got another guy to join our team tgt w his tiny giant space hamster and btw mizora now just hangs out here. oh and we fought and killed ethel again but for real this time.
#i just. i rly sorta wish she had gotten halsin vjdvfjshdjdb#like hes cool and all that but rly hes only been part of this group for like half the game so like.#also i have two druids but you kidnap my only wizard???? thats so mean#also the literal goddess of magic wanted to speak to him and now she has to wait bc he got kidnapped?? doesnt sound very clever of orin tbh#IDK I JUST FEEL BAD THAT GALE IS MISSING OUT ON SO MUCH STUFF I NEED MY WIZARD MAN BACK#can you still do like all the side quests once gortash and orin are uh 'dealt with'?#guess i'll find out maybe?#ok so. blow up that factory. confront and kill gortash. go to murder tribunal. kill orin. get gale back. do all the other stuff.#no more silly side quests until my wizard is back and i can get him cool equipment and shit#istg once i have him back hes gonna be like astarion. permanently in my party.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
this Tylenol ain’t shit w
#talkingcore#emotions. man.#there’s so much music that I just haven’t listened to in a bit and it’s making me feel things it’s not even like sad things I’m like damn#how long has it been since I’ve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery#but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I don’t feel like I physically can but something needs to be released#so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate#fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of don’t talk (put your head on my shoulders)#I’m pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh I’m never crazy about them since like they really never measure up#how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that.#the covers are a lot better when they don’t try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they aren’t him#brain wants to go melancholy mode but I’ve no clue over what. girl just tell me what I’m supposed to be sad over I’ll commit to the bit#need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe that’s it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk#also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me#and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were#referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and they’d be like oh this is so ‘insert name’!#and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck#what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am I’m like fuck it I need to research this person#I search. find her. she’s butch. I’m blessed. they weren’t lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay!#butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks#I’m gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains#need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you don’t get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv#AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfg💥💥💥💥this must be super long god damn sorry
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
it's so funny how like... some music and the bands that make it are what i call edginess for neurotypicals. an example of a band like that is 21 pilots and especially that one line in fairly local that goes "this song will never be on the radio" that played on every top 40 station 5 times an hour when it came out. another example is billy eyelash's bad guy which is a song that i just cannot take seriously no matter how hard i tried to enjoy it. every time i hear the lyrics "my mommy likes to sing along with me / but she won't sing this song / if she read all the lyrics she'd pity the men i know" i just cannot stop myself from laughing because it's like... girl you're fucking 18yo!! your mommy is more likely to ground you for saying this kind of bullshit than anything else. also stop singing about seducing people's dads, i repeat YOU ARE 18!!! if a dad is ever interested in you you should be very very scared and concerned.
anyway, i don't really have a point to make in this post, i just wanted to talk about musicians and bands that think they're so dang alternative and edgy and like ohhh we're like the weird kids etc while somehow their songs are in the top 40 hits of the year and literally every normie listens to them because they also think they're so weird and badass for listening to "alt" music. it's pathetic.
#psalms#idk man honestly you can completely ignore this post#im stoned and i have thots and onions about things#i currently have a very annoying and bad song stuck in my head since i heard it yesterday at the dollar store#and i can't remember the name of it but it's some garbage by fifth harmony and camilla whatever her last name was#it's literally so fucking bad#and tbh listening to it at the store made me laugh because when she tries to hit those high notes right before the chorus#you can literally hear the way her range is too weak for them and it sounds like she's squealing#like she's not a bad singer overall i wouldn't say#her voice sounds just fine for the rest of the song where the pitch is something she can reach#but those few high notes... oh man....#you can really hear very well how her voice is just too weak to hit those and the way it loses it's musical timbre trying#it's hilarious#ugh i got off track#the post was really about the music the most boring and basic white girls listen to and think they're edgy for it#bestie if it's being played on the popular radio stations it's not alternative or edgy or emo or anything#it's just FUCKING BASIC#okay that's it bye
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#honestly they moved me to a different office right now so im not alone in my place anymore and tbh i should not be complaining bc at least#this one gets warn fast and im not in the open first to call usually and all but idk i feel like an intruder there and miss having lots of#place and the fact noone seen my screen etc and just overall i would prefer sitting next to the guys but also 😶 idk i just dont like anyone#hearing my phone calls etc and also i fucked up at work today BADLY but noone knows yet and this sounds like i fuck up a lot but i always#called the smaller mistakes this too i guess shskd also i almsof argued with a man who's our client on the phone but for gods sake i do know#i am right and idk if he's making me feel stupid or something or is he using one of my mistakes for his own good idk idk idk it will be a#nightmare to make this work now#and also we are having some kind of meeting with food etc tomorrow in the office upstairs but also rhe atmosphere is so not it and dudes not#at work tomorrow and he should be the one in there and like idk it all works like a fucked up chaos i also almost argued with the d irector#today bc of this lmao almost on dude's behalf bc tht waa the situation that pissed me off first#and i got to walk or catch a bus home tomorrow and like my mind does work so fast and keeps overthinking lately 😕#walking isnt the best best for me tbh#also i made plans with my friend and i do hope i open to her during the weekend bc i want to talk about everything so badly but at the same#time idk like i cant talk about personal things anymore (except here) she doesn't know what is making w suffer 😔#i think i made a decision about monday tho not the best one but both were bad so at least here i am...#anyone i am still helpless and that's what the sentence will end at bc i don't want to say the same thing again and again and again#anywya i have to delete this bc its too much details soon
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
lowkey feel like im gonna throw up and idk if thats the anxiety or the chocolate from earlier LOL
#perhapeth a little of both jsdjflsdjf#iti's not like. not a BIG feeling just. JUUST ENOUGH#god idk why im so nervous LOL like damn the fic isnt THAT deep and serious or anything#but it's like. More Serious Than Usual and i DO feel more vulnerable w/this one#got dam started it sept 4 finishing it MAY 12TH WHOOPS#it's not even my longest fic it's like. my average i guess LOL#im like. scared of embarassing myself lol#SORRY im having a therapy session with myself in the tags here I NEED THIS#i guess it's only been like a couple months ish since i last posted a fic so it hasnt even been that long but#in my mind it feels like forever#WHY are my arms shaking GOD i swear im like. nervous but it's not That Bad fljdksfjlksd#i probably sound so dramatic over like. fanfiction lskdfjsd#but man lately i have felt so very insecure about. doing things. and sharing things. being percieved when i make attempts at something#like both in general but extra when it's a personal attempt#and this fic!!!! felt personal!!!! im not fully sure why tbh#but it did#so i had emotional stakes in it. i wanted to do the topic justice and i want to be understood in the way i wrote things#but i didnt wanna spell it out completely either but i dont exactly have faith in myself to make implications clear#and im worried it doesnt work. im worried it ended weird. im worried some stuff didnt fit together. but thats just 2 bad llol#also directors cut: there was gonna be a part about jamil loaning sleepwear like a hoodie and sweatpants to azul#but thats part of what had me stuck for a while. i couldnt figure out hwo to make it work#eventually i decided it didnt fit and i had to cut it#so alas. clothes sharing and hair brushing for another fic one day maybe LOL#ok thats enough baring my soul to the internet for one night good bye lol 🚶♂️🚶♀️🚶♂️🚶♀️
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi i finally watched the character voice trailers !! tbh i'm now unsure what i was so scared about. i think i was just really caught offguard fr (and i don't do well with surprises like that </3) anyways. rambles in tags. (now i only need to check out all the drama audios!)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚#PHEW it wasn't as bad as i expected this time !! i'm glad !! but holy shit uhm#okay first i think shidou is so wow. with the 1st trailer. and the 2nd. his voice man. but anyways man hmm... all of them........#muu's scream (?) in the 2nd trailer was wow#seeing mahiru w what kotoko did to her really makes me gehbgjhbhs tbh ;;; <//3#kazui's voice is SO nice. really excited for his song it sounds so cool but i wonder what his deal is fr (ik the theories but hmm)#a. a. ah. mikoto. i should have expected that but it still sort of shocked me holy SHIT ............#kotoko with the 'your fang' that i've seen people mention#i rmbr someone saying that the 1st trailer for the character voice lines is like. b4 the 'murder'#and then this is during. and then 3rd will likely be after it.#btw i'm really inclined to the mikoto and es are siblings theory ever since i first read smth abt it from someone! it's super interesting#+ i think the fact they both have smth to do w Memory Issues says smth. it's not. simply 'memory issues' but you get what i mean#all characters look very distinct and it's a bit weird to me that es and mikoto look alike fr.#ahhhhh i am so excited for more ehgbjhbejajgejgh#esp mikoto. now that fuuta's has released <3#TBH THO IDK i'm reaaally curious about shidou and kazui esp. also bcs their songs are so wah to me#whhhhhhh i really like yuno! she's the coolest
6 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
txcbngrdlg-uwu15
Beautiful night
ninjthescreamingfrog
I am but a Screaming Frog
livefor-lana
Lana Del Rey
miraculous-and-stuff
Miraculous Stuff
beprofree-blog
Sans titre