#idk man. it felt weird
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Reverse of the “nooo don’t transition, you’re too sexy” happened to me today
Someone told me that if I went in T I’d be super fucking hot
Which like. Probably. But I’m also hot now so weird backhanded compliment
#for reference I didn’t say I wanted to go on T#I’m very neutral to the idea#also I’ve spent a decade working through my body dysmorphia in recovery from an ED and am finally pretty okay with how I look#so hearing that kinda fucked me up???#like bitch I AM hot. I’d still be hot if I was on T but like#that’s not the point of transitioning????#idk man. it felt weird#trans#transmasc#nonbinary
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Based on my favorite gif lately
#my art stuff#digital art#baldurs gate 3#bg3#astarion#batstarion#once again specifying this is a spawn astarion with some sort of wild shape thing#bat#good morning#gif#I’ve been in such a weird place mentally about art lately#I just keep stopping myself from drawing things cus I want to draw Astarion -#- but fsr my brain decided I draw him wrong and thus makes it pointless to even start#bat form is fine - I have no problems with it. But in his normal form? no can do buckaroo.#It’s one part why I haven’t shared much art lately - I don’t get happy enough about the “quality”#then just don’t share it as a result - in turn making me feel worse because I’m not posting - making me doubt myself more - etc etc#idk man - I got way too giddy earlier today cus someone could tell this was Astarion - even though this isn’t even the version of him I -#- feel insecure about#I keep seeing these artists making more realistic art and cool comics and interactions - most of which are shaded really beautifully -#- and all I can think about is how I CAN’T do that - even if it wouldn’t fuck me up mentally#I just put too much stress on my ability to create realism and I keep “failing” at doing that (by actively avoiding it for my own health)#idk man - I just wish I felt better about Astarion’s stupid chin OTL
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am I the only person waiting until I actually have my hard copies in hand before reading the short stories? I've been avoiding social media all day because I'm scared of getting spoiled...
#i just want the excitement of having the books in hand before I read them!! is that so much to ask!!#I refuse to even log on to twitter rn because I know for a fact there are untagged spoilers flying around like crazy on there#idk maybe im weird for this but i just really want the pleasure of reading the physical copies first. to go in completely fresh#so i can enjoy them more fully#i caught a tiny glimpse of a spoiler yesterday (I scrolled before I could see too much) but I was so upset about it regardless#like!! idk man maybe this makes me old as fuck but i miss the days where you didn't have to worry about spoilers so much!!#i've felt so paranoid about it all weekend lmao can you tell#aftg#crow rambles
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so im not sure if anyones interested, but, i went through quite a bunch of totk critiques by people who were also very disappointed with it and thought id share my favorite videos i found (granted, i only really wachted those that youtube recommened and its mostly .. white men... things like the orientalism problem are not mentioned at all for example, maybe ill update this post if i find any more diverse voices)
i dont agree with every single point and also dont know most of the channels (aside from the big zelda theory guys) so i judged solely by what they mentioned in those videos and the quality of it (like the audio .. bc i cant listen to bad audio)
in no particular order, also they talk about or use footage of the literal ending stuff so if you arent done with the game yet, better leave these for now
youtube
youtube
youtube
youtube
(the following one is a podcast thing by multiple zelda theory guys, there some stuff you can skip at the start thats just kidna random things, but the video is marked with chapters)
youtube
(theres some mention of some things not making sense, like the sonau only being two, and ithink thats kinda bc the english translation was weirdly vague about that, in the german version its much more directly said that they all died out and only rauru and mineru were left of them;
also mentions of how unfitting it is to call the enigma stones "secret"stones in english might come from a similar thing; in german they where called "Mysterienstein" which would be translated as mystic/mysterious/enigma- stone
just wanted to mention that since the vast majority are gonna play it in english only and the stuff online is also dominated by english)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#not really#but it kinda fits in the theme#some things are a lil too complainy for complainings sake#but overall those are the ones i felt spoke about alot of the broader problems#Youtube#also i dont ... like the english translations of these games#and im not a fan of the english voice acting either tbh#idk whats with zelda in particular#and i dont want to shit on translators#but man#some weird translation choices have done active damage in the whoe lore department#plus its jsut kinda .. weird and unecessary at times#why call it gloom?? miasma sound way more connected to malice and actually menacing#secret stones??? why?? mystic or engima is right there plus its confusing bc they .. are not secret at all??#makes stuff complicated too bc im using the words i know but in english almost every name is totally different#why not ... keep the names of the og japanese??#i know german is guilty of changing stuff too#but my point stands
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Day 70: android tango wip :3
#tangotek#tango tek#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#skadoodler#colorful skadoodler#idk man me and a friend just made the saddest au ever and it’s also 4am#also it felt weird giving him human eyes but they’re kinda cute ngl
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man. watched nimona today and none of you freaks prepared me for how heartbreaking that movie was gonna be to watch as someone who was a suicidal queer kid.
trying to embrace the role of being someone monstrous only to end up being hurt by the very armour you wear, all the little ways people close to you hurt you and how it builds up over time no matter how good things are other times, not wanting to sacrifice any part of your identity no matter how its hated, y'know?? seeing no way out of the constant cycle of betrayal and hurt by 'allies' but finally giving them what they want. becoming so clouded by grief and agony and loneliness that you aren't yourself (but beneath it all you still are (you can still hear a voice in the shadows roars of pain)).
brother how am i supposed to emotionally recover from this one. that reveal is going to be on my mind forever this movies gonna stick with me.
#nimona#i should read the comic if i get the beans#mod post#yeah idk man i saw a lot of talk abt the gay ppl and i am so glad we saw gay ppl like forreal#i love those two. mwah. ballister Is a meow meow or whatever the hell ur calling him#but fuck man. the ending hit like a ton of bricks for me personally it felt so personal#its rare u feel like Seen by a movie and espc arguably a kids movie but man for a second i felt seen and that was weird and upsetting#great movie. u guys should watch it
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"it's been a year since my boyfriend tommy broke up with me"
but sure, they were fiances.
#idk man so much about this episode felt off to me#like not knowing tommy was gay despite saying yes when eddie asked that question last season? weird#retconning tommy as abby's fiance and not boyfriend? weird#buck not even attempting to reconcile things with tommy#after all that stuff about having every reason to give up and trying again anyway? weird#911 spoilers
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queer people will think they have a strong identity set in stone based on their past experiences and feelings and then years later have its entire foundation blasted away as soon as they think about it from a different perspective for a minimum of 5 seconds and then start questioning their entire identity again
it's me. i'm queer people. i think i just realised my identity as a demiromantic person is actually demi-queerplatonic or even some sort of demi-alterous thing instead and what i felt before wasn't actually romance and now i'm really confused about it. chat wtf is going on
#the aro -> demi -> queerplatonic -> alterous pipeline is real lmaooooo#ok i did some more thinking. i might be demialterous! the term alterous feels very close to what i felt a few years back#and it does kinda match up with how i feel about my fictional beloveds. it's a strong loving for them that is not romantic-#-but rather something else entirely that is very intense (along with aegosexual and aesthetic attraction)#idk man i just love them a lot and want to think about them getting kissed#i feel like i just hatched from a new cocoon again with this realisation lollll#feelings are weird.....#but that begs the question: if i am not demiromantic then what am i when it comes to romance?#i've used the demiromantic label for so long that i'm just really confused on what i am now that i might not be demiromantic after all#of course i can still use it if i want to because i can do whatever i want forever but also i love having accurate labels to categorise-#-my many feelings like books in a bookshelf and now i need to do some searching#i think i might be grayromantic or desinoromantic... i'm not sure yet#also i looked up the alterous flag and it looks like a derpy hooves x pinkie pie flag and now i'm just thinking about them loll#should derpy and pinkie be alterous mascots? the colours match up pretty well#man now i just wanna think about derpy and pinkie in an alterous relationship with each other#the term for an alterous relationship IS called a gummyfriend! and that fits pinkie so well#alterous#aroace#aromantic#arospec#aro spectrum#aro#aspec#questioning#demiromantic#demialterous#HOLY SHIT THERE'S A TAG FOR THAT?????#oh boy i gotta read up on that tag later
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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so i went to grad yesterday
rambling in the tags
#dani says stuff#i have... a lot of thoughts#im still thinking a lot of thoughts#i guess this counts as vent art/???? fdjkkjds#im just idk man the industry is rough rn#and i understand that it goes through its ups and downs i knew that when i jumped into the deep end#but this was the cherry on top of a cake#i truly felt like i was in a sitcom and they were gonna roll credits any moment#its just... such a choice of topic to say to the graduating batch from the school of creative media arts#in the age where meta wont let you opt out of their ai scraping tech#and adobe is claiming rights to artists work to train their own ai#its hard not to feel disheartened a lil tbh#three years of working myself to the bone only to get that at the end of it all#i laugh about it because if i dont i just get more upset#and honestly something about the sheer absurdity of it all does make it funny in a weird way#oh well back to drawing my silly little ocs it is <3#vent art
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“For a master of deception and subterfuge, You’ve made yourself quite the bed to lie in”
#soooo hiiiii Im back and making full color art work again!#you know the drill#death note#lawlight#light yagami#l lawliet#my art#death note fanart#deathnote#any wyayyyy time to ramble in the tags which is the real reason why I make art anyway#shout out to Monica for putting me on to the song Body Paint#that is where the lil caption is from#felt classy to use a lyric#otherwise it would have been uhhh#Foot Man#or ummmmm#L kissin feet#anywayyyyy I know we are always joking about the feet thing#but im trying to get real with it#like! it is a weird level of submission to Light… right? or idk it is possible that Light finds it humiliating#OHHH the dynamic of L trying to worship and Light finding it humbling?#anyway I will find a way to double down on the feet thing in an artsy way.#oh yeah also L smokes and thats cannon everyone hush#also what if he ever burned Light with a cig durring [redacted] and [redacted] the burn and [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]#Paris is a bad influence#bonus points to anyone who knows the movies these poses reference!
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Much as I'm glad for signs of life in the fandom, the HeyKids Archive Wiki lowkey highkey annoys me lol
Like I like the found-family aspect of the "show" as much as the next trauma-riddled neurodivergent queer former weird kid, but the Archive leans into it a bit too much, I think? Like. Where's the unsuitable-for-its-audience nightmare fuel? Where's the writers/actors getting sex jokes and profanity past the censors????? Where's the cosmic horror undertones-you know, the thing that canonically ties Candle Cove to Local 58?! WHY DOES THE SKIN-TAKER GET A REDEMPTION ARC AND ENTER A HEALTHY LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH HORACE?!
Like, I'm sorry, Candle Cove would NOT have been a progressive-for-its-time, wholesome kids' show that actually teaches the audience life skills and age-appropriate morals, that show would have been what would happen if The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack were made with a budget of $20 and a shoe string and Thurop Van Orman was being tormented by horrors beyond human comprehension and I think we as a fandom have forgotten that.
I know I'm swinging a bat at the proverbial hornet's nest by saying this, but I am very much a mid-2010's Candle Cove fanon truther. That shit should be horror-comedy at best and 'I can't believe they let this air' at worst. It should be dark it should have jokes that fly over the child audience's heads and it should be, dare I say it, problematic.
#obviously no shade to the creators of the Archive I think that goes without saying#it just annoys me personally as a horror fan and I felt like yelling about it on the internet#idk man#I just feel like some of y'all would have an aneurysm if you watched Flapjack or any of the weird public access shit CC emulates#not even worried abt the response I might get to some creative decisions I'm planning on making anymore#why? because THIS post right here is likely equivalent to firing shots into the air to scare off the HOA#candle cove
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The way I watched the new tailstube video and saw nothing really romantic and then I come on here and everyone's talking abt sonadow in the video. Like at this point I can't tell if ppl are looking for crumbs of their favorite ship when there is none or if I'm just oblivious
#ramblings#like i didn't see that lol#i actually have kind of mixed feelings on this tailstube tbh#i felt like their rivalry was really really forced here#but also the 'ultimatesorelosersayswhat' 'what?' bit is pretty funny and cute#and when they complimented each other on their use of chaos control was pretty cute too#but i didn't see anything romantic until ppl pointed that out#like sure maybe the 'opposites attract' bit from tails could've been like a tease at the ship or something#but i genuinely didn't see it that way when i watched it. tbh i still don't really see it#it's just kinda weird?? to not see the romance in something everyone else seems to interpret as romantic#like it makes me wonder if i'm the one who doesn't get it#and it's not ppl seeing something that isn't there#idk man
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watched longlegs with some friends tonight. that was not very good
#the satanic panic shit is so overdone i could puke honestly#also. idk if it was transphobic/transmisogynistic but it sure felt like it was#also. not even really scary#or even really disturbing. beyond like the satanic panic shit and also very likely transphobia.#idk if longlegs/dale is supposed to be a trans woman but like. the character is very much giving buffalo bill#like hm gee i wonder why they felt the need to make the main antagonist a man who dresses like a woman with a botched face and cakey makeup#like come on#again might not be transphobia and maybe i am reading into it too much but also. feels weird!#also i've seen people say stuff trying to like explain this away but like. it's still weird. it feels weird to me no matter what.#idk. whatever#talk.txt
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sometimes i think about penny turner and how much she must love her brilliant, beautiful son, her only child, and how proud she must be of him, but how much she must've worried about him too over the years (and probably still does sometimes) and then i cry a little 🥺
gif credit @ihatealexturner [X]
more emo thoughts about this under the cut because it's just that kind of night i suppose
like, we know alex and his mum (both his parents actually) have a great relationship and they love each other very much, so i have no doubt that she's so very proud of alex for how hard he works and how driven and talented he is, so proud of everything he's achieved, knowing how much he and his creations mean to a huge number of people
but then also, how could she not worry about him, knowing that yes, he is living his dream, but he's also flying all across the world every few years, a different city every night, performing to the point of exhaustion, only to have to come up with the next big thing all over again? that's a lot of pressure on his shoulders, even if he does share a lot of it with the rest of the band. and alex handles it admirably of course, but still, if even i worry about him sometimes, i can't imagine how it must be for his mother (and father, of course, all of this probably goes for him just as much)
i also think about how she must have felt when alex moved to the usa, and how relieved she must've been when he decided to move back to the uk/europe, to have him closer again. and i wonder how she must've felt watching all those different personas and eras he created appear and disappear, maybe sometimes fearing he'd lose himself somewhere along the way, but still always seeing her boy underneath it all. i'm sure she's gotten used to it to some extent, but it must still be overwhelming sometimes, seeing all the hype and the scrutiny and the expectations and the temptations he has to deal with, especially knowing better than anyone how special and sensitive he is deep down. i can imagine she wishes she could protect him while at the same time knowing he's a big boy now, and he was always destined to make his mark on the world in a way that required him to spread his wings and leave the warm nest she'd created for him
and then i think she must also be so grateful to know that he's always got his best friends with him when he's on the road, to support him and share the load, and that he has so many more friends who adore him and always have his back, and how much of a reassurance that must be and then I just 😭😭😭😭 you know? 🥺
#is this weird?#should i not be thinking about this? idk man#listen i obviously have no idea if she feels like this at all#i don't know her at all so i may be way off#but whenever i imagine being alex's mum these are just all the things i would feel 🥺#and i don't mean to whumpify her or him#but it's just that i've talked to my own mum a lot about how it was for her when i moved abroad#and how she felt when i was going through some shit and how often she thinks about me#and like my things are all so minor compared to alex's life you know?#and I'm sure penny's gotten used to a lot of it and she's also just proud and excited but I just think it must also be hard sometimes#to be the mother of someone really special#anyway i'm a bit emo tonight#ignore me#alex turner#penny turner#arctic monkeys#minnie talks
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i finished thesis, won an award, and have graduated.. hello 👋🥸
#i'm not coming back but :') hello#i forgot i even had tumblr still on my phone djdkdkdkdk#i just opened it for the first time in ??? 5 months or smth i think idk for sure#life is weird :')#remember when i said i wanna drop out every day of my life :') bc i suck at design#welp i won an award for my design thesis :')#jsjdjdkdkdkdj#turns out having friends kinda changes your life 🫂#having friends at school has actually :') made me a happier more normal person lol#i haven't been miserable?? i haven't wanted to kms ... i have been so happy and yes school was shitty but i wanted to go and try hard bc#my friends motivated me to stay and try and that's crazy :') idk#felt really loved and like i belonged somewhere for the first time in my life 🫨 like woah ppl like me and wanna be my friend? me??#:') i'm really happy... isn't that weird#i used to want to kms every other day hsjdndkdkdks lol 😭#now i'm like 😭 every day i look forward to waking up bc i'm happy and i have ppl who love me and i wanna see them again and i wanna spend#time with them again and play games with them again :')#literally stayed up till ??? 4 am yesterday talking to one of them like#😭#god jm djjdkdkdkd idk :')#my life is good...#???? IM NOT MISERABLE IDK GUYS#wild af#even winning the award was such a shock like 🥲 damn . who ? me?#ppl from like :') this big design thing in toronto we're praising it too like djdjdodjdkdj#:') it's kinda crazy.. i was super !#man.. i cant believe how 5 months ago i was gonna kms 🥸👆 and now i'm like erm actually maybe we do need to live#:') anyway#i hope ppl on here are doing good 🫨🔨#it is sad to not be here as much but also 👋😌 i'm happy to be free at the same time so ✨
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