#idk man im in my feelings rn
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Not to be soft and gay on main but I really would like a short lesbian to cuddle with rn
#do i have a specific someone in mind? yes#will i ever act on it? no#anyways#someone to kiss the back of their neck#someone to wrap in blankets and make hot chocolate for#someone to go smoke before going to sleep with#idk man im in my feelings rn
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sidelong
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#fushiita#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#i havent drawn a dedicated itfs piece in so long im a fraud dont look at me......................#i offer u pining!yuuji content. as Penance.#i feel like its usually fushiguro emotionally repressed megumi who ppl draw/make content of looking Longingly @ yuuji#and like. for good reason i mean look at him#but i feel like hopelessly-in-love-w-his-best-friend yuuji is a comparatively slept on concept#or maybe im not looking in the right places idk man#fleeting glances and longing stares and I Should Tell Him I Can't Tell Him.....OUgh#anyway i like how the pendulum seems to have hard swung back in2 me using a bunch of red#i feel like my values r so much better now tho n like. god help me im having fun painting again what has happened#it never lasts long but for rn this is probably one of my favourite things ive drawn in a minute!!!#i love u contrast i love u random bits of red i love u harsh shadows and dramatic light sources#and it didnt even take me a week this time !!!!
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trying to find a brush i like
#i barely use procreate anymore and now i have pressure settings on it so its like all the brushes i WERE used to before are different now#never had that before its making me realize how light i actually draw#really crazy stuff#lso idk how to ptype on an ipad i feel like an old man rn#ace attorney#also yes thats a howls moving castle au. because its my favorite movie and im insane
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would calling this something like "the sun to his earth" be a little bit too cliche? maybe...
#ted lasso#ted lasso fanart#tedependent#trent crimm#ted x trent#I JUST GAHH!! GAAAHH!!! I HAVE MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THEM!!!!!#pn.art#YEAH IM NOT IMMUNE TO THE SUN/MOON WHATEVER THEHELL :/#since i probably wont be able to draw what i have in mind rn id just say it now. i have this thought about stars on the ceiling and how ted#and trent grew up with different fathers. how ted had a loving dad who he wished he told him more how much he meant to ted#and trent's father being more strict. wanting him to be something else. a stronger man. someone who played football. and how glow in the#dark stars is just a core part to many kids' childhoods and how ted probably had them and trent didnt#IDK.. IDK IM THINKING ABOUT IT... im making zero sense and this is a thought that goes nowhere but i just love the imagery of it all SNIFFS#something something ted and trent being two people who didnt want to be like their fathers but in very different ways but also so similar#enough that theyll definitely buy their own kids glow in the dark stars if they asked#IM LOSING MY MIND RN. HELLO. ANYWAYS....#EDIT: WHY DOES TUMBLR LOVE REMOVING TH E FINAL LETTER IN SOME OF THESE TAGS
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#jjk#gojo#getou#my art#aruuggg . im soo idk. maybe i just need to sleep and ill feel better#but i feel solike . abnormal . <struggling w my relationship 2 art rn#worlds heaviest burden /s#idk man . idk (floating in a pool and u zoom out and its actually rhe ocean so large and vast and i am all alone)#i dont FREAKIGG KNOWWW what is up w it#anyays get jjkayed
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i don’t even fucking care
#house md#house spoilers#hilson#the fact that house is consistently selfish. that he’s an addict. he’s always in pain#but he gave up his vicodin for wilson. mind you the pain in his thigh must have been excruciating#bc consistently whenever he’s extremely stressed or worried the pain gets worse#but wilson is still his priority. he put wilson above the burning pain god man😭#him giving up his freedom HIS LIFE for someone who has less than half a year to live like oh my god#the love house has for wilson actually makes me sick bc even outside of the cancer arc house has done things for wilsons sake#like almost killing himself just to help him and amber. drugging him at that one conference from s6#he’s an asshole often times but he truly is the only constant in his life. they both are for each other#i actually feel sick. im not on everybody dies yet (im on the c word rn) but god idk how im gonna get thru this😭#5x13 big baby#8x19 the c word#1x01 everybody lies#8x22 everybody dies#7x15 bombshells#8x21 holding on#where the quotes are from btw#sorry for the essay in tags
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hi käärijä fans i just wanna say u guys are actually the chillest and kindest fanbase i've ever been a part of i love u
#artists i love u u keep the world spinning#lurkers i love u <3333#fic writers i love u <3#photographers i love u so much idk what i'd do without u#im feeling very happy i love everyone rn#joyous and whimsical idk#käärijä#kaarija#idk how to tag stuff man im trying my best#genuinely though like everyone is so cool#i don't get nervous posting my art anymore cuz everyone is just so freaking NICE😭😭😭😭#yapper alert
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oliver calls you “kid” to tease you but when you call him “old man” back to brat about being called that (because you’re near or the same age) he gets super fucking weird about it so fast…
#OHHHH MY GOD KM GONNA LSOE MY MINDDDDDD … anon <3 u indulging me on the old man thing IM WRITNG RN I FEEL SO#idk how to tag this 😞#sora.txt
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the thing they don't tell you about most mlm romance books is that they fucking suck ass
#thinking about like. rw&rb. anything by that author that wrote boyfriend material. most anything on kdp. only one i fw was ari and dante but#even then the random transphobia at the end gave a real bad taste in my mouth#im just in a hater mood rn ignore this unless youre also a hater#but anyways that boyfriend material and the sequel husband material books fucking suck so bad#couldnt even finish the second one#felt like it was trying to make a comment on the queer community but in the most lame and het conformist way possible#literally having a boring lawyer character being like ' i dont feel represented by this#when hes talking about a rainbow decorated gay bar#like ok whatever man but why do we care? why is the author trying to moralize this? why does teh prose suck and why is so much casual#bigotry against welsh people in these books#like fr they call out british bigotry against the irish and then turn around#and every welsh character is bumbling idiot with no personality besides being an idiot and talking about being welsh#like. hello???#also i keep adding to these tags but anyways the author also tried to like#make the main character out to be the bad guy?? when his ex boyfriend exposed all his secrets to the press??#and the author like. portrayed the mc as the bad guy for being upset?? like that is what the second book is about???#its so stupid and victim blamely and utterly lame like these books are so uninspired and feel like the author was just. idk???#also dont get me started on how much i hated rw&rb and finished it#i think i have a post somwhere on this blog abtout it
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🖤🩶🤍💜
#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#kamui gakupo#gackpoid#camui gackpo#gakupo vocaloid#神威がくぽ#asexual#purple#black#alternate title: gakupo if he slayed LMAOOO#man i always forget about ace awareness week despite being a raging ace myself 💀 oops.#but anyways i got reminded. and gakupo keychain arrived yesterday... gakupo is purple.............. so this happened lmao#grrrr ONE DAY ill get good at drawing him 😭😭 i still feel like i suck and idk WHAT it is about him that makes him not work as well#in my style. but grrrrrr i will figure it out at some point... and i WILL git gud at drawing him. i need to. 😔😔😔 i lijke him...#i have those ace sunglasses irl btw LMAO its my only piece of ace merch... fucking $1 target sunglasses 💀💀 lmao. but at least SMTHN#the vision. guys. ace gakupo would be SOOOOOOOO powerful. trust me on this.#also i need to stop being too silly rn and lock the fuck INNN im so screwed lmfao. i got texted by a classmate while drawing this 😭#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABT AND HAVE TO SPEEDRUN. EMAILS. CONFERENCE. AHHH#save me pretty eggplant man.... oguhgghhh. the soundtrack was not helping while drawing this LMFAO. ily fucked up gakupo songs 💜
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This is actually a cropped version of the drawing but uh more sad and tired hels cause like.. me too
I referenced someone else's drawing for the pose and it ended up looking too similar so I didn't want to post the whole thing :') I (mostly) just cropped my sona out though so dw you aren't missing any helsknight content
#art#artists on tumblr#jaloparker art#hermitblr#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#helsknight#helsknight fanart#oc art#dragon helsknight#sad and tired#i might be back on meds soon so ill be less sad!#probably still just as tired though i stay up too late#really feeling the need to have helsknight hold me gently rn#rn being a week before this actually posts#you are not reading live leroy rambles#leroy is my second first name btw#i have two of those#might go draw my sona and hels doing some more sleepy cuddle time.. and then imagine me being in my sonas place#yearning so hard#which is crazy cause im aro#idk man feelings are confusing
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one of my favorite things about carry on fandom (at least as it has existed since i joined in 2021) is that no one gets hung up on like... writing expertise or fics being "out of character." this is especially impressive because there is SO MUCH character analysis that goes on in this fandom, and yet it never translates to dunking on interpretations of characters that ppl disagree with. there's just genuine joy over the face that people are out here writing and sharing and putting their own twists on stories.
in general, everyone is just so encouraging abt art, and that's such a wonderful environment for people who are new to writing/sharing their writing. and for people who are not new but still feel nervous about putting themselves out there. it's really special! i think it's similar for visual art too
#i know i dont write much snowbaz anymore but i genuinely think that#fanfic (and fiction writing in general) probably wouldnt be such a big part of my life if not for#how enjoyable is was to write for carry on fandom.#i learned so fucking much about writing and about why *i* enjoyed writing#because i just felt so safe putting stuff out there and doing the ugly parts of learning#without fear that i was gonna piss someone off or get dragged or criticized or something LOL#idk man im just in my feelings abt this rn#quiet lil shoutout to kris and pal and aralias and all the other people who go the extra mile to rly influence this into the#comfortable space it is. like these vibes are not accidental
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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2023 Las Vegas Grand Prix - Qualifiying - Fernando Alonso
#half asleep making these istg#yayyyy p9? idk ig i expected him to do better#old man asleep at the wheel whats new 😴#he was very quick w this interview i wonder if he was eager to get to bed#i certainly am rn#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#2023 las vegas gp#(i wish i could atop feeling insecure abt my gifs. i do it for fun.)#(of course i want them to look somewhat good but i get a bit ill over it)#(there was somw drama on here at some point that made me want to completely stop posting then ngl)#(cause like what is the point if im not as good as others ig :/ this is kinda vague posting but it made me so uncomfortable)#(as i said. i do it for fun in quick time bcs yay jsut wanna post smth i found cute)#(but ever sincce that thing happened its just made me extremely self critical and insecure abt posting)#(idk why im saying this. kinda repressing the urge tk be like 'SRY THESE ARE TERRIBLE. YEAH.')#(i need to sleep. but i often feel like this literally every time i post now bcs some people get on their high horse and ruin people's fun)#(iykyk ig. its smth bothering me lately. but i hate to act so morose. but i still feel bad abt the quality sometimes. i guess.)#we do a little bit of f1
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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