#idk man I don’t like being reminded that nothing is forever | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bluecanvasshoe · 5 months ago

Text

platonic!Arthur Morgan & teen!fem!reader

reader being female is only mentioned, like, once at the very start, rest of the story has virtually nothing to do w it

based around the end of the game!!

Arthur notices you’re upset after some sulking around, so he takes you fishing.

warnings: slight rdr2 spoilers, a little smidgen of misogyny, maybe ooc? idk, no beta reader we die like MEN 🔥, little bit of angst, comfort, NO ROMANCE‼️‼️‼️, …….lazy ending, I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK OKAY

word count: 1.5k

——————

For the past couple months, it’s felt as if nothing you have done has ever gone right.

When carrying hay-bales to the horses, your arms grew tired. Micah laughed as you dropped the feed and breathed heavily. A few months back, Hosea reminded you that, as a child, you weren’t expected to do any of the more challenging work. However, the urge to prove yourself triumphed over his lectures.

Then Ms. Grimshaw approached you in camp, reprimanding you for your insistence on doing the more “manly” tasks. As a girl of the camp who was yet to be an adult, you, unfortunately, were not saved from her pressing you about your future in the gang.

Afterwards, while practising your handiwork with a needle, you pierced your index finger. It drew blood, so Strauss gave you a bandage and a disapproving look.

The gang slowly dwindled in numbers, leaving your already fragile state of mind in a bit of a crisis. Small things piled on small things that piled on big things, and you soon found yourself dreading chores, which turned into dreading every day that followed. The feeling of thinking you were actively disappointing every living being ever drowned out any sense of reasoning.

On a clear morning, you woke up groggy. All seemed well until you were punched in the face with the realisation that you had to actually get up.

Instead of wasting the early morning away, wallowing in the sadness of your flimsy canvas tent, you sat at the dying campfire. Your heart felt heavy in your chest, and your mouth subconsciously pulled down into a frown.

Arthur, ever the early bird, awoke not long after you and sat down on the next log over. His worn and muddied boots crunched on the gravelly terrain, interrupting the chirping of birds. The sun hadn’t yet risen, shrouding everything in a dusky glow.

“You uh… sleep well, kid?” said Arthur, holding onto a steaming cup of coffee.

“Yeah,” you replied simply, staring at the fire. Strauss told you not to drink coffee; he said it was “bad for a child’s development.”.

Arthur sighed, turning his head over as he propped his upper body up, an arm supporting himself by pressing on his knee. “You’ve been acting’ strange,” he commented, “we’ve all noticed. Is somethin’ botherin’ you?”

Your voice caught up in your throat, the words that formed in your head fighting to escape and pathetically losing. “No…just tired.”

The man next to you coughed lightly, clearing his throat. “You…uh, you wanna go fishin’? I oughta' bring some food back to Pearson.”

Fishing? Now there’s something you haven't done in a while. Maybe you could get out of the camp.

“Okay,” you fidgeted with the fabric of your sleep bottoms, your eyes darting from Arthur and back to the fire. It seemed Arthur hadn’t expected you to agree, as he hesitated to find a response.

“Alright, then. Be ready in...about half an hour.”

As promised, you were dressed a quarter after six; at least that’s what your pocket watch you pickpocketed forever ago said. Hopping up onto the pony you used on rare outings, you waited for Arthur to saddle up too.

“You got all your stuff?” He asked, storing away his fishing rod and hoisting himself up, grabbing hold of his horse’s reins.

You look at your saddle bag one last time before turning to Arthur, nodding. “Yeah. ‘Been a while since I've gone fishin’, though.”

“Don’t worry about that; I'll give you a refresher.” Arthur shifted his weight before clicking twice, lightly jabbing his spurs into the side of his mount.

Following his movements, — except spur-less, as you don’t do nearly as much riding as the other men in the gang — you began to move, your horse huffing gently.

You caught up to him thanks to his slow trot, swatting away a couple mosquitoes in the process. “Where’re we goin’?” you asked, your voice raised.

“Well, you ain’t too familiar with his area,” he quickly wiped his nose with his free hand, sniffling. “But it ain’t far. There’s a nice little spot on a lake nearby. You oughta' get a couple bites.”

“Uh-huh,” you sighed, looking down at your hands. Arthur was holding onto his horse’s reins with one hand. You had trouble steering your horse with two.

Arthur slowed once he approached a patch of gravelly sand, getting off his horse with you following. He took out his fishing equipment and walked over to the shore.

“Here,” Arthur reached into his brown satchel, pulling out a block of cheese wrapped in brown parchment paper. “Use some a’ this.” Reaching over, you broke off a small chunk and murmured a hushed ‘thank you’ in return.

“‘M guessin’ you remember what bait is and how to use it, right?” he remarked, preparing his rod. “I think I got it,” you muttered, fumbling with the fishing pole but eventually hooking the cheese onto the sharp point.

“Careful there. Don’t wanna poke your finger.” Arthur joked snarkily, waiting for you to get into a similar position to his, his fishing rod held in front of his body. The bandaged finger he was referring to was sliding the small bit of bait onto the hook clumsily. “Shut up,” you grunted, getting a good grip on the pole and holding it out in front of yourself. The water moved lazily, quietly washing up and down on the sand. The calm surface showed the fish that swam underneath. Minnows dashed around quickly, the small groups of fish moving together.

Crickets still chirped in the distance as birds were beginning to sing, too. The air smelled fresh and felt dewy, a light breeze turning trees into calming windchimes.

“You wanna hold it like this,” he said, tapping his index finger against the line. You attempted the same hold that he had, but with the limited information given, you didn’t immediately get the hang of it.

“No, like- like this, with your index on the line. Should be pressin’ against the rod.” Arthur peered over your shoulder as you adjusted your fingers, pressing the thin string against the wood of the rod. Arthur nodded. “Yeah, that’s good. Now pull back the bail.”

Now, you hadn’t a clue what the bail was, but that hardly mattered. Matching Arthur’s movements, you pulled a semi-circle piece of metal back and over the line spool.

“Alright, now be careful here; don’t wanna take out an eye. Draw back your rod over your shoulder, but not too far. The farther you draw, the longer the cast,” he advised, drawing the pole over his shoulder. You mimicked him.

“Now, you throw it over your shoulder and straight forward,” he instructed, watching your movements. The bait landed about 3 metres away from the shoreline, splashing pathetically before bobbing up and down.

“Just like that. Now, you pull back the bail and wait.”

Silence filled the space between you two—a suffocating, invisible force.

Deer galloped across the lake and within the thick brush. One stopped, a buck, and stared at the two fishermen across from it. His ears twitched before he joined the others.

Loons sang, their eerily beautiful calls travelling across the calm waters. Frogs croaked in the distance, and clouds languidly drifted overhead.

“Look, I… I haven’t a clue what you’re feelin’. But just know that you ain’t alone. We’ve all been stressed. I can’t imagine what you must be feelin’.” said Arthur, turning briefly to face you.

The sun peeked over the distant treeline, slowly casting a calming light over everything in the vicinity.

“I feel like I can’t never do anythin’ right.” You croaked, voice catching in your throat and a painful ache creeping up to your jaw.

“Aw, kid… whad’ya mean?" Arthur had never been great at comfort. He could do it, of course, though he certainly had his favourites when it came to his affections.

You stared off into the lake, your reflection looking right back. “Everythin’ I do feels like a failure. There ain’t a single thing I’ve been able to do right recently.”

Arthur sighed, reeling his line back in and casting it again.

“That ain’t true. You’re a kid. You’re learning. You ain’t… supposed to be great at everythin’, and nothin’ you do is supposed to be right; it’s just supposed to teach you somethin’. This’ll go away; trust me.” He chose his words carefully, coughing to the side before continuing. “Now I know this probably ain’t what you wanted to hear. Feelin’ sad feels... nice sometimes. But it’s true. Basically everyone in this gang is an adult, ‘cept for Jack, so don’t go comparin’ yourself to anyone, ya hear? We’re all goin’ through hard times; none of this is your fault, and you ain’t a failure for anythin’.”

The sun steadily rose, framed perfectly by the view in front of you. Your horses huffed occasionally as geese flew above, honking distantly.

He was right; you didn’t want to hear this. You don’t know what you want to hear. Maybe something about how awful you are, or maybe something about how great and amazing you are. You felt conflicted, confused, and even a smidge defensive.

“But I-” “but nothin’, kid. Do with that what you will, but just... think about it. Maybe see things from a different perspective.” He rasped, clearing his throat. “Or don’t; it’s your choice. But just give it some thought.”

Silence settled between you two again, leaving your conflicting feelings to dissipate.

You shifted your weight from one foot to the other, watching as your bait bobbed on the water’s surface. The chill of the north was soothed by the warmth of the sun, and everything, in that moment, felt okay.

#rdr2 x reader #platonic #platonic x reader #no beta we die like men #arthur morgan #arthur rdr2 #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 x reader #red dead redemption two x reader #arthur morgan x reader #teen reader #no romance #sad meow meow reader #platonic rdr2 x reader

139 notes · View notes

gay-dorito-dust · 9 months ago

Note

Hey I’m the anon that asked if you write for Tekken 👉🏻👈🏻 I always like the grumpy x sunshine trope, and I was wondering if you can write headcanons for Kazuya with an s/o like that? Very soft, sweet, affectionate, I feel in a way it would also be funny 😆

Idk if this is what you wanted but I have it my best shot. 🦦

Not me back on my Brutus and Pixie agenda (seriously it’s my favourite thing to reference at this point.)

All I’m going to say is; it’s not easy showing kindness to a man who had been so vastly removed from it from a young age, and the only memory he has of experiencing such kindness was from his mother; which in of itself was merely candlelight in comparison to the suffocating darkness.

So needless to say if you keep at it, not showing agitation or anger towards his inability to see your acts of kindness towards him as just that; pure acts of kindness. Then Kazuya will slowly -baby steps mind you, extremely small baby steps- begin to believe it to some extent.

Everyday is an uphill battle but you were willing to fight it forever without ever showing an ounce of fatigue if it meant earning Kazuya’s trust. Something that he one day noticed and will- in his own unique way- show his gratitude for sticking by him for as long as you have.

Let’s hypothetically say he came back injured, you naturally wanted to help him but much like showing affection or acknowledging how he felt towards you, he will have those walls up again faster then you could blink. It’s just natural for him this way to never pay any mind to the ‘weaker’ side to himself and reject any and all notions that could possibly end up in him becoming ‘soft’ and ‘pliable’ for those who might have it out for him.

So imagine the feeling of achievement you’d get the moment Kazuya let’s you tend to his wounds, listening silently as he slowly began to open up to you, even if it was a little bit, it was still something to celebrate for the both of you; especially when going forward into this relationship where you’d gradually bear your entire heart to the other, letting them see the most vulnerable parts of yourselves and silently praying that the other doesn’t destroy you with it in the future…

And imagine how nice it was to be hugged by a pair of strong arms, held against a firm chest by powerful hands and just finding yourself melting into him…smiling softly at the fact that Kazuya wanted to hold you out of his own accord. Feeling protected from any and all harm that could come your way. It was enough to make you want to cry but instead you smiled brightly and told him how utterly proud you were of him for taking the first step, for taking a chance on something he was once so vividly against.

This man looks like he’s never be told that someone was proud of him ever in his life. So hearing someone who had nothing but the most wholesome of intentions with him say it? He’s not going to know how to react, but from the way his grip on you would tighten slightly told you more than enough as you reminded yourself to keep reminding him how proud you were.

Is it a stretch to say that he would be protective? Especially towards the person who had shown him their truest self and shown him how being in love and being loved don’t inherently make you weak or lesser than, boldly proving him -a man dead set in his ways- wrong on several occasions and him not feeling an ounce of anger but instead a weird sense of relief? So Kazuya will want to keep you away from the shadier side of things in the instance that he might not always be there to ward away unwanted attention.

He may not say it aloud but then again why would he when his actions were loud enough for you to understand their intentions, no matter how few and far between they might be but at least you knew that he would stand by you and keep you protected by any means necessary.

He just has a fear of loosing the one good thing in his life because of who he was; For if he were to loose you then everything he originally believed would then become truth, that it would become reality.

The fact that you were both opposites would be made apparent in everything that you did but that’s what made your relationship work when in any other circumstances it probably wouldn’t. However it only made your appreciation of the other stronger than before.

It’s not perfect, not that I’m saying it ever was, but ultimately the hardships are what made you treasure your relationship with the grumpy man even more. You didn’t try to change or ‘fix’ him because that was not your job, you’re not fixer and you knew that as much as he did and instead you -with your unwavering kindness and gentleness- had let him taken his time with getting to a level of comfortability with you where he knew he could relax beneath your touch instead of flinching away.

You soothed his scarred heart whilst also loving it unconditionally without feeling the need to change it to fit your fantasy.

#tekken x reader #tekken x y/n #tekken imagines #tekken imagine #kazuya x reader #kazuya x you #kazuya imagines #kazuya imagine #kazuya Mishima x reader #kazuya Mishima imagines #kazuya Mishima imagine #kazuya Mishima x you

102 notes · View notes

soleilnomoon · 2 years ago

Note

Hiiii! :D <3 I owe you another event request that I announced.. sitting at work, yet another late evening, and dreaming of some Ace goodness. So may I ask for an ice cream sundae, donut hole, oatmeal raisin cookie, affogato and toffee? With female reader? :D If possible with the one serving the ice cream sundae being the reader? I need lotssss of caramel and whipped cream to get me through the week! Thank you so much!!!! <3

i can’t believe it took me so long, i’m so so sorry, but!!! it’s finally here *sobs continuously* so sorry bb that i took forever, but i only like to give you guys quality writing (esp with ace, i love him) so forgive me pls thank u & ily 😭💛🥺️

3.3k words, fem reader, nsfw, 18+ mdni; only a tiny bit of angst (yay), fluff!!!! and smut!!! ace needs to do better, and reader isn't as slick as she thinks she is (but lbr, when is reader ever slick). friends 2 lovers (surprise, surprise i know who am i), feat. v cute things like oral (m receiving), oral (f receiving), a lil roughplay but nothing crazy, a lil dry humping, idk other stuff probably idr anymore ૮₍˶ •. • ⑅₎ა but i had fun writing even tho the fluff almost killed me but for u i persevered! (if u see spelling/grammar errors no u didn’t <;3)

“look how we bleed from all this wanting” — ama asantewa diaka

unease is something you’re well-acquainted with — a painful, yet comforting, reminder of things that may or may not come. its slender vines wrap meticulously around each bone in your rib cage, lying in wait as your heart beats faster. it’s a pathetic, melancholic melody; a lullaby you can never escape. anxiety pours into you slowly — poisonous and haunting, tainting the lush, untamed garden that’s grown deep inside of you; one you’ve painstakingly tended to for most of your life, where your childhood dreams remain dormant, where your fears slither around in the thick vegetation ready to strike when given the chance. everything becomes fuzzy and unbearable, but you somehow manage to inhale several large gulps of air before continuing.

it’s not easy keeping secrets, but you do it anyway. for him — only for him. today’s no different, as this is one secret you’re more than happy to keep to yourself.

contrary to popular belief, ace is much more particular about certain things than he lets on. for whatever reason, he’s adamant on keeping his birthday hidden from his crew mates — something you don’t quite understand, but respect, nonetheless. he says it’s because he doesn’t want the fuss and awkward fanfare of celebrating, but you know there’s another reason — one possibly drenched in tragedy and grief, so you refrain from asking again.

instead, you decide to celebrate with him in private; you’re best friends, after all. and after a few months of prodding, he finally concedes, giving you free reign to do as you please. a man like ace isn’t simple to shop for; you stress over his birthday gift for weeks, desperately wanting to find something unique — something that no one else would think to give him. it keeps you up for several nights in a row, where torn pieces of paper with scratched out ideas litter the floor in your room. at a certain point you scream into your pillow, desperate to get all your frustrations out before going back to sift through your failed gift ideas.

you pass out in the middle of ranting to yourself about your own incompetence, and the idea comes to you in a dream. when you wake up the next morning, you’re a little nervous but you’re sure this might be the one gift he wasn’t expecting — the one gift that he’ll appreciate and possibly cherish.

the thought of that only serves to rattle the tiny box of nerves that sits in the middle of your stomach — the lid barely attached; the contents ready to spill at the next inconvenience that comes your way.

ace intentionally kept vague about what he wanted as a gift; he hates the idea of people scrambling around trying to surprise him, and instead keeps his expectations low. life, it seems, has helped him learn that lesson time and time again; it’s better, in his opinion, to snuff out any residual hope — the one that lingers behind all the disappointment that tends to follow him around — before it’s too late.

still, he’s curious to see what you’ve been working so tirelessly on. you’ve kept quiet about everything, and no matter how many times he tries to pry the answers out of you, you remain steadfast and keep the secret to yourself.

he's impressed, to say the least, and a flicker of excitement courses through him as he spends the morning of his birthday obnoxiously guessing what your surprise gift is. you wave him off, tell him to stop pestering you, but he doesn’t let up. there were times when you almost told him, but he has to hand it to you — you’re incredibly determined and stubborn.

you convince him to come off of the ship with you and explore the main town of the island your crew is visiting. he knows you’re not that interested in exploring, that you’re doing all of this to distract him; he smiles to himself in secret, away from your curious and trusting eyes, unable to come to terms with the warmth that’s taken hold of his chest, pitifully churning his insides around. if he had more sense, he’d realize it’s his nerves that have gotten the best of him; but that’s ridiculous, what would he have to be nervous about?

especially on his birthday?

while he thinks he’s being stealthy by trying to hide his emotions, you catch him several times; you don’t say much about it, instead wanting ace to fully enjoy himself unrestricted. you admire the shape of his jaw when he excitedly looks around, nearly trip when you notice how sunlight drapes itself along his freckled, light brown skin, and choke on your drink when he glances over at you. the corners of his lips quirk upward, and a small, devastating, dimpled smile crawls onto his face.

you’re rarely rendered speechless, but your inability to function properly causes you to let go of the cup in your hand — not that it matters, really. you don’t even care that the drink splashes near your sandaled feet, nor do you notice the way ace’s brows furrow together at your sudden clumsiness. a frown works its way onto his lips while you stand there stupidly, trying to remember what it is you’re supposed to be doing.

he tilts his head and briefly wonders if maybe the heat has gotten to you — you’re usually much more with it, but today you’re quieter and spaced out. when he opens his mouth to ask if you’re okay, you simply step over the fallen drink and keep walking down the street. something about your insistence on ignoring your recent faux pas makes him laugh out loud; he doesn’t mean to, but it’s just so damn funny to him.

and while you could be mad at him for the way he can’t seem to stop laughing at you, you know that the small bout of annoyance will fizzle out shortly. you can never actually stay mad at him, even if you tried — and yes, you have tried and failed several times over.

ace eventually catches up to you and that familiar teasing grin stretches lazily along his lips as he playfully grabs your arm and pulls you towards him. you steel your features as best as you can and narrow your eyes at him; the residual embarrassment from earlier lingers obnoxiously, making you stumble over your words.

or, that’s what you tell yourself, anyway.

because if he knew that it was because it’s become increasingly difficult to be around him for extended periods of time, then you’d never hear the end of it.

the problem is: ace already knows, and has known for quite some time. he never brought it up, because then you’d find a reason to keep yourself busy and stay away from him intentionally. he’s selfish and will continue to monopolize your time however way he can, especially today. you’ve never had an issue with ace touching you before, but for some reason his skin is warmer than normal — or maybe it’s because you’re still too nervous about the gift. you know that he’ll like and appreciate anything you give him, which is why you let out a soft sigh and rummage through your purse to shove a small piece of paper into his hand.

“i wanted to wait until we got back to the ship,” you say quietly, tongue suddenly much too big for your mouth; you try pulling away from him, but ace’s grip is firm, and you’re not trying that hard anyway. “but, um… happy birthday!”

he watches you curiously before glancing down at the paper in his hand; in a cute, neat script, you’ve written: birthday coupon (1 use only). and before he can ask anything unnecessary, you explain quickly, words tumbling out of your mouth in a rush.

“basically, you have my services for exactly twenty-four hours only.”

and, as ace is constantly in a state of perpetual confusion, he glances back at you to see if this is a joke or not.

“really?”

he wants to believe you, but he also knows that you’d never actually let him have his way for a day — or, would you? now he isn’t so sure.

your usual bravado leaves you faster than you can handle, so you nod a few times and finally manage to free yourself from his hold. after giving yourself a bit of space, you realize that you can think clearly now that he isn’t so close to you.

“yes,” you say lightly, hoping that he’ll buy your false confidence as legitimate. “whatever you want me to do, i’ll do. no questions asked.” you know you’re treading dangerously, but this was the best idea you could come up with. unease finds you again when ace remains quiet — a feat for him, as he’s usually boisterous and vocal about everything — but all of that doubt dissipates when a small, sly smile appears on his face as he pockets the coupon and beckons you closer.

“thanks, let’s go.”

you don’t bother asking where, because ace has already grabbed your hand and tugs you along with him. you want to tell him that he doesn’t have to hold onto your hand like that, but you decide that you deserve a bit of selfishness too. the day passes fairly quickly — you end up eating at several places with him, purchase enough sweets to put you into a sugar-induced coma, and laugh so hard you end up in tears.

he likes seeing this side of you, the part that’s carefree and full of energy; he admires how smooth and soft your skin is and thinks it’s impossibly cute that you can’t stop sneaking glances at him. you’re not as inconspicuous as you think you are, but ace doesn’t tease you about it. already he’s had you do silly things like balance on one leg like a flamingo in the middle of the shopping plaza and cartwheel as long as you can down to the pier — the latter was him testing the waters to see if you’d really do it, but you rise to the challenge and only fall over twice.

embarrassment be damned, as long as ace is happy today that’s all that matters.

when you make it back to the ship, the sun has set, bathing the ocean and sky with a pretty mixture of bright colors. you take a moment to lean against the railing to watch the sky, mesmerized by the artistry, while ace watches you and contemplates how best to proceed with you. he’s normally much better at hiding his desire and attraction, but today he’s at his limit. he doesn’t bother looking away when you feel his gaze on you; it’s always intense, having ace’s undivided attention — and while a small voice tells you that it’s dangerous to let this tension build to a frenzied state, a much bigger voice tells you to just let go and embrace whatever happens.

it's ace who grabs your arm and tugs you with him to his cabin, locking the door behind so that no one would interrupt; and it’s ace who plucks the coupon out of his pocket again, playfully waving it around as your brain scrambles as you try to guess what he’ll request next. it should alarm you that your excitement starts to build all over again when ace plops down lazily in a nearby chair, legs spread; something compels you to move closer and before you can say anything remotely foolish, ace pulls you onto his lap.

you tell yourself that it’s purely for the sake of ensuring he has a memorable birthday, but the truth won’t let you off that easily — not when you shamelessly straddle him as your skirt rides up your thighs; not when you thread your fingers through his hair and tugging on it impatiently; and not when you softly press your lips against his and mumble something along the lines of, “hurry up and ask.”

it’s refreshing seeing you take initiative like that, so ace tosses the coupon onto the floor unceremoniously before gripping your hips firmly. that warmth from earlier comes back in full force, and suddenly you’re wondering why the both of you are still dressed. he doesn’t hesitate when he runs his tongue along your lips, and you, in response, roll your hips forward and grind down hard against his stiff cock. a dangerous game, you know — you know — but you can’t help yourself; not today, anyway.

it's you who kisses him first — clumsy and rash, but after a moment, your lips move against his with more certainty; he guides you with his tongue, heat shooting up your spine, making you pliant and eager. each time he kisses you, you have to remind yourself that it’s not another dream, that it’s actually happening. and even if, after all of this, you both go back to pretending you’re just friends, you’re sure you’ll be fine.

maybe.

you don’t dwell on that thought though, and focus on the way ace keeps rubbing his hands along your thighs — slow and tortuous, the callouses on his hands rough, but welcomed on your skin. you’re panting and whining softly, the heat radiating off his body stifling, but also addicting. he’s not sure how much longer he can hold back, and you somehow get the hint when he bucks his hips against yours, your panties already damp with arousal every time your pussy rubs against his cock.

there’s a slightly dazed look in his eyes when you managed to climb off of him without your legs giving out, and it’s his own selfishness that drives him to watch you as you take off your clothes without prompting. is it adrenaline, lust, or the intoxicating effects of ace’s presence that has you in between his legs and on your knees. when he realizes what you’re about to do, he opens his mouth to tell you that it’s not necessary, but his argument dies in his mouth and fizzles out completely when you unzip his shorts and pull out his cock.

ace inhales sharply as a warm breeze slips in from the open window and tangles itself around both of you; and, although the moon hides sleepily behind a few clouds, some of its light filters through, giving you an ethereal glow as you run your tongue along the length of his cock before wrapping your lips around the tip. it’s not often that ace finds himself powerless in front of someone, but you’ve rendered him weak beyond comprehension. you suck and swirl your tongue around, dragging it along his slit and licking off the precum that leaked out.

it invigorates you — watching him through your lashes as your hands wrap around the rest of his length, twisting and pumping mercilessly, every stifled moan giving you the encouragement to keep going. you inadvertently rub your thighs together, pussy slick with your wetness, but, surprisingly, you don’t feel ashamed about it — not when you take more of ace’s cock into your mouth, relaxing your jaw and letting him have free reign for a bit. ace juts his hips forward, feeling only a tiny bit remorseful when he sees you gag, but the determined look in your eyes tells him that you refuse to back down.

when you feel like you can’t breathe, you lick down his length and massage his balls, earning a string of unintended, slightly incoherent curse words from ace under his breath. it’s a sensitive area — and, try as he might, he can’t help but moan your name out loud, his breathing growing unsteady, making you all the more delirious and obsessed. your teeth accidentally grazes his skin and he tugs on your hair more forcefully than he means to, startling you but not for the reasons it should.

his voice is low and gruff when he speaks again. “y/n… behave.” which is all he really needs to say, because while it was an accident, something forbidden swirls around your lower abdomen, making you bold and somewhat reckless. before he can say anything else, you suck on his balls, melting his resolve and small bout of annoyance.

he wants to ask if you’re trying to kill him, but he partially knows the answer to that already. goosebumps prick his skin as you look at him equal parts mischievous and full of adoration. he’s not sure why, but he likes that he’s only ever seen you look at him like that.it makes all of this that much more intense, and he knows that after tonight he can’t go back to being just friends with you.

it’d be impossible.

you take his cock back into your mouth again, bobbing up and down, his girth still a challenge, but you take it in stride anyway. and its when you suck on his sensitive tip again that ace’s restraint finally gives out; you feel him jerk underneath you, and his cum is thick and hot as it spills into your mouth. he half expects you to spit it out, and even through that post-orgasm haze, he’s amazed when you swallow it all.

with his face flushed — from the force of the orgasm, from how he can’t seem to keep his eyes off of you, especially after you lick some of his cum off of your lips — ace runs a hand through his hair before standing up and pulling you to your feet. he kisses you again, sloppy, yet domineering; your hands work on tugging the rest of his clothes off quickly, and it doesn’t take long before he has you on your back thighs clamped around his head as he devours your pussy.

nothing can compare to the high you feel right now, hips rolling forward, shamelessly tugging on his hair roughly, moaning his name louder than you mean to. anyone passing by can hear you, the walls are thin enough, but you don’t care now. his tongue glides along your slit, your arousal spilling onto his tongue before he flicks it against your clit.

something about the way he’s handling you — as if you’re able to take whatever aggression he tosses your way, especially when he slides his fingers inside of your pussy, finger-fucking and enjoying how you’re falling apart underneath him — makes you that much more reactive to him. and when he sucks on your clit — merciless, just like you were being with him a short while ago — you don’t hold back.

your cries are music to his ears, and he knows he should tell you to keep it down, but he also likes how loud you’re being. almost as if he wants other people to hear that he’s the one making you writhe around on his bed like that. the orgasm is sudden, brutal, and life changing; a blinding light practically incapacitating you, momentarily robbing you of your vision. your chest heaves as you try to gather your thoughts; a lightheaded feeling takes over, making you shiver, your sweet whining only makes him want to keep torturing you with his tongue.

but he refrains, for now.

after pulling back, you both look at each other for a moment before you pull him down for another kiss — this one tender, sweet, and slow. ace lets himself fall further under your spell, not wanting to ask if you complied with his selfish whims because you wanted to or because of his birthday coupon. and if he did ask, you know, deep down, that you’d tell him it’s very obviously the former — that it wasn’t only his selfish whim, that you were equally to blame for letting things escalate like this. not that it matters much right now, since all you can think about, is how you don’t plan on leaving his bed for the rest of the night. and how you know you’ll be plenty sore once he’s done with you later on.

#*sobs into hands*#i have so many more to do but don't worry i'm working on them <3 #fic request #500+ followers event #milestone event #🍭✨🍨sticky & sweet event🧁✨🍭#one piece fluff #one piece smut #one piece x reader #one piece x y/n #portgas d. ace #portgas d. ace x reader #portgas d. ace smut #ace x reader #ace x y/n #ace smut #ace fluff #one piece imagine #one down... 1493984 left

279 notes · View notes

devil-doll13 · 2 years ago

Text

Wild Imagination

(Brahms x Nanny!Reader)

Tw: G/N reader, I just use ‘nanny’ as a catchall term, Angst, Typical Jealousy/Possessiveness, Stalking, a.k.a Brahms being Brahms, Alcohol Mention, also sort of a character study? Idk

So I remember I said something about writing for Brahms and this is sort of a warmup/experiment for him! This is fairly short too, so I may or may not make a followup but for now have this.

Dividers by delishlydelightfuldividers

Brahms is fascinated by you.

This is understandable; you are a kind, attractive person, and he has rarely seen those not only as fantasy manifested in the pages of a novel.

But it is also simply because you are you, and uniquely so. All of your preferences, habits, interests; every minute detail he commits to heart.

Brahms likes routine. Brahms likes structure. He watches closely and memorises you as if you are his favourite story; playing those special little moments over and over again in his head.

Only, in his make-believe world, he is right there with you. In spirit, he always is; the doll is by your side, therefore he is as well. He cherishes your presence within his home, he loves your cooking if only because it is made with genuine care, he enjoys your piano playing, whether masterful or amateurish. He falls asleep - however awkward his position behind the walls might be - to your soothing voice reciting poetry to the doll, as if those porcelain eyelids might be closed.

But that isn’t the same as being with you truly, really, physically. That doll; his child persona, is a barrier separating you from him, perhaps even more than his place between his walls. All his little games he likes to play, you assume to be nothing more than a figment of your wild imagination. He has become so attached to you, but you don’t even know he exists.

Sometimes Brahms wonders what it would be like to be with you as the man. To welcome you into his home, as he should have when you were hired. To play the violin or cello or piano for you and impress you with his musical virtuosity. To hold you in his arms - a real human being, not only a sub-par effigy of your likeness - and softly read along with you. To conceal a laugh at your momentary fright as his cold hands run goosebumps down your spine. To be your Darcy or Rochester or Heathcliff.

But… No. He must be good. He must stay hidden.

He reminds himself of this every passing day, but by every passing day his desire to have you see him, as Brahms, in the flesh and blood and sweat, grows stronger and stronger.

His need for this surges, rather violently, when he sees you smiling and laughing with that damn Malcolm - only at the door, because you are a good nanny and follow the rules as you should - for he is reminded so unpleasantly that you will never smile or laugh for him. Not for him, not for Brahms the man, flesh and blood and sweat.

Brahms’ resentment for this fact soon bubbles over, soon he feels a sort of hateful jealousy directed at that doll and how beloved it is; for he is not scarred or ‘odd’ or wrong, not a failure of a son or a disappointment. He is ‘Brahms,’ without flaws, without blemishes, without room to embarrass or bring shame. Silent and perfect forever.

Now he cocoons you in his wool knit cardigan, safe from the outside world. Although you might struggle, he knows you need him as much as he needs you; you must, for all the nights you have imbibed wine and spilled your deepest secrets to him. To the doll, to a figment of your imagination. But it was him the whole time, and now he has revealed himself to you for you to love as deeply as you did that broken bundle of porcelain.

He loves you. You do too, right?

I didn’t tag any of my usuals bc I didn’t know who would want it but lmk if you want to be on my slasher x list!

#I was just working on my HoW fic and this manifested itself on the page #I love him 🥺#my skrunkly sweaty wall man #if I do a followup #it might be from readers pov idk #Brahms Heelshire #The Boy #The Boy (2016)#Brahms x reader #Brahms x y/n #Brahms x you #fanfic #my writing

254 notes · View notes

lookismaddict · 2 years ago

Text

Lookism Chapter 440 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made.)

Wooooo weeeeee, another chapter this week! LET'S GOOOOOOOO!!! Also, I'm so sorry for worrying y'all for my absence these past few days but after this review is posted, Imma disappear again. 😭 At this point, my chapter reviews might not be posted on time and will be late to post frequently now. Also, don't mind me changing the color of the title every 10 chapters... *Ahem* Anyways-

RIGHT OFF THE BAT, THESE HOTTIES:

Ughhh... God, the fan service here. Thanks PTJ, you the man. 😩✋🏽 Also, the way Jibeom just acted like nothing happened by saying, "SORRY!" UH HA HA HA HA HA HA... 🧍🏽‍♀️💢 Nah, we allies now. Gotta forgive, right? And Jihan too... 🧍🏽‍♀️💢💢 Man, y'all just got your asses beat for no reason. This reminds me of those anime with the MC's fighting the enemies, and then they end up becoming allies with the "power of friendship". Behold, the power of friendship everyone.

Ok, but Imma be honest. Every time I see Hudson now, I squeal like a fangirl at a BTS concert. And suddenly seeing him... NAKED? RIGHT OFF THE BAT? My loyalty for Gun is REALLY being tested. Wtf man. Also, the snakes though? That's wild. 😭

Yeah, that panel really wrecked me. Physically and emotionally.

Oh, of course. Also, debt? Huh? 🤔

Yeah man, we need to know!!! WE'VE BEEN DYING TO KNOWWWWWWWW. Whenever I hear "Young Master", it reminds me of a butler saying that. As if Daniel is being treated by a butler. 💀

YESSSSSS FINALLY DANIEL GOT A LEAD TO JINYOUNG!!! 💪🏽

"At least eat before you go." That's so nice of them. Also, "At this rate he'll live here." KSSLDJLFSDHFSLFHDSFH JIHAN PLSSSSS- 💀💀💀💀💀

Oh? Daniel coming up with a big brain plan...? 👀

LET'S GOOOOOOOO DANIEL!! BIG BRAIN MOVE!!! 🤭

Daniel being acknowledged by, not only the man who ended the era of the First Generation, but also, the STRONGEST FIRST GENERATION KING???? Oh god, I love his growth and character development so much. He'll always have my heart forever. 💖 ALSO, THIS WHOLESOME MOMENT WITH JICHANG??? THIS IS TOO CUTE. MY HEART- 😩💗 I WAS SOBBING AT THIS BECAUSE THIS WAS TOO CUTE TO WITNESS. LIKE, LOOK AT HIM PETTING DANIEL'S HEAD, LOOKING LIKE A PROUD UNCLE.

Literally, one of the cutest things I've ever seen in a long time in Lookism.

YUUUSSSSSS, JICHANG IS GONNA HELP HIM EVENTUALLY. 😭😭👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I hope they actually do make it to the First Affiliate though. But, if the Elder knew where he was, then does that mean that he knows that Jinyoung is not in his right mind? And does he know that he has people held captive in his little basement? 👀 *coughs* Daniel *coughs* Johan *coughs* Samuel... Sorry guys, I might be getting a cold. Idk what's going on with me.

Ohhhhhh shiiiii... Pls tell me we gonna see Jake here...

AHHHHHHHH I KNEW IT, JAKE!!! BABY BOY IS BACK!!!! 😭💙 Oh shit, I wOnDeR who THAT could be...

Tbh I'm not surprised that he said it was James Lee lol. It has been emphasized by Eugene before when he said in Ch. 432, that he was aware of the murder case that caught the attention of a lot of people. And he also mentioned how Charles Choi had been using blackmail on James Lee to control him in exchange of covering James's part of the murder. Also, earlier in that chapter, I was wondering why Charles would even bother to help in covering up a murder for James if that person that James murdered wasn't so important in the first place. If it was just a "nobody", then he would've just thrown that person somewhere, buried him, or burnt his body and converted it into ashes. Clearly, it all makes sense now. (Also, the red picture gave it away. lmao) AND JAKE, WITH THE TYPICAL "death stare" EXPRESSION WHEN HE FOUND OUT WHO THE MURDERER FOR HIS FATHER'S DEATH WAS??? Is he going to get revenge or something? 😭

But oh boy, James is really gonna get it eventually. Both him and Charles Choi. Actually, DEFINITELY Charles Choi. The guy is literally walking scum in the first place.

You see, Charles Choi is a clown... 😀 *end of argument*

I hope he does. Because if Charles Choi intercepts their operation, I'm going to sue. 😡

Ughhhh, bro... Don't make me cry again, please. 💀💀💀💀

Oh great, speak of the Devil. 👿 FUCK OFF CHARLES, AND STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR CRIMES, YOU ASSHOLE! 😤

NOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOUUUUU CHARLES!!! GET AWAY FROM THE ELDER!!!! AGGHHHHHDSFHSDFHASDJDSHFLSD JICHANG!!!! BEAT HIS ASS!!!! TAKE HIS LIMBS OFF!!!! 😤😤😤😤😤

IT'S NOW OR NEVER, MF. I WANT THIS MAN TO SUFFER.

Wait, an "unknown car"? He MUST have a driver with him. Please tell me that his driver is none other than Gun/Goo... Ik this is wishful thinking, but I want to see them again. 😳

YEEEEEEESSSSSS JICHANG, SLAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY. SLAY KING, SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. 😩👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 HERE'S YOUR CROWN, KING OF CHUNGCHEONG'S KING OF SEOUL'S WHITE SNAKE!! 👑

By choking...? �� I mean, I've seen a big ass snake devour a huge animal before, so it's possible Charles. Don't doubt Jichang's abilities, because you might be surprised at how he could MURDER YOU ON SIGHT. 😡😡😡 (And oh god, looking at Elite's face still reminds me of my professor. 😭 *sobbing* But also, with a twist of Manager Kim too.)

I just want his ass to be wiped off the face of the Earth. Both him, and Eugene. But, wait... If Eugene and James Lee are conspiring AGAINST Charles Choi, and everyone else are conspiring against Charles Choi too, then... WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST UNITE AND BEAT CHARLES??? They all have a similar goal, yet they decided to do things their own way? Well, I get that they have ulterior motives/goals for them to take down Charles Choi, but at least make it easier for yourselves instead of just handling the crap on your own, right? Fight later, unite now. 🧍🏽‍♀️

Man, idk anymore. Just do whatever tf you guys want at this point. 😭

230 notes · View notes

chxrrysangel · 2 years ago

Text

Living to Regret

My work is not to be reproduced, translated, or plagiarized in any shape or format. All words are my own.

Summary | A drunken night leads to some rather unexpected developments. The morning after couldn’t have been possibly been worse, right?

Warnings | Angst, mention of blood/injury, reader is a klutz, a non-graphic one-off suicide joke, miscommunication, kissing

Words | girl idk, this isn’t proofread

Part of Pushing Boundaries

Your normal level of clumsiness increased tenfold when intoxicated. The stairs up to your apartment felt like an endless mountain, making you consider sleeping on them to avoid the climb. Your landlord wouldn’t appreciate that in the slightest though. So, slowly but surely you made it to your front door, fumbling with your keys until the lock finally clicked. Shoes ended up somewhere near the doorway, jacket somewhere on the couch (at least you hope it was the couch), and jewelry fell somewhere on the kitchen counter as you practically crawled to your bedroom door. You were being pretty stealthy, that is until you knocked over a mug and accidentally stepped on the glass before you had even a chance to clean up the shattered pieces.

“Fuck me!”, you whisper-yelled into the darkness. Just what I fucking needed. Before you knew it the hallway light had flickered on, which is exactly what you didn’t want to happen.

“Peach? Is that you?” Bucky’s silhouette was illuminated by the overhead light, giving him an almost angelic appearance. But in the current moment, you could only cringe at yourself for waking him.

“Hey…Buck. How’s it going?” You tried to be nonchalant, trying not to wince at the ceramic shards stuck in the bottom of your foot. If this conversation moves quickly enough, you can shed the fat tears threatening to spill in the privacy of your own room.

“Well, I was having a wonderful dream before my drunk roommate stumbled through the door like a blind man in an obstacle course.” He was grinning but you felt terrible.

“Welp, nothing’s going on here so you can just go back to bed. You took a step towards him, immediately doubling over in pain and regretting everything. Bucky rushed to your aid, concern etched all over his face. His eyes darted to the mess you tried to hide, putting the pieces together.

“You stepped on the glass?,” he questioned with a hint of anger, disappointment, and disbelief in his voice.

“Hey, don’t say it like that! It’s not like I meant to walk over the broken glass shards.” A much more awake Bucky quickly wrapped you up in his arms, carrying you bridal style into your shared bathroom.

He set you on the counter and left, searching for the first aid kit. Eventually, the sleep deprived man returned with a small plastic box and two glasses of water. One glass was set down on the back of the toilet seat, the other pushed into your hand.

“Drink.” No arguing needed, you downed the liquid like a 7th grader after gym class.

Bucky painstakingly pulled each small shard out of your foot with a pair of tweezers, setting each piece into the glass of water beside him. It took forever, but he didn’t mind. You passed the time by talking about your night out, sharing wild stories about the stupid things you’d live to regret in the morning (if you even remembered them, that is). He hung onto every word, reminding himself to tell you everything over breakfast in a few hours. After some neosporin and gauze, Bucky finally let you get off the counter.

“You’re all set.”

“Thanks Buck, you’re a lifesaver.”

Without really thinking, you wrapped your arms around the tall man and pulled him in for a kiss. He hadn’t a moment to even think about what was happening, and yet found deepening the kiss. His body responded immediately, melting into yours until there was no space between the two of you. But it was over as quickly as it began, a string of spit splitting between your lips as you separated.

“Goodnight.” Bucky watched your figure slip into the dim light of the hallway, disappearing behind your bedroom door. He stood there for an embarrassingly long amount of time, blushing and trying to comprehend what just occurred.

~~~

The morning light shined through your bedroom window, overwhelming your senses as the splitting headache began to make itself known. Your eyes wandered over to your bedside table, finding a tall glass of water and two Advil.

Bucky.

After chugging the glass in one go, you took the pills and prayed they worked faster somehow. Begrudgingly, you peeled yourself off your sheets and into the closet for clothes to wear. After finding something acceptable, you entered back into society by leaving your cave and heading towards the bathroom. To your luck, it was empty. You washed off the grimey bars from the night prior, trying to remember as much as you possibly could. You cringed at every uncovered memory, hating yourself for being so stupid.

That’s a problem for future me.

Dressed and teeth brushed, you exited the bathroom to meet one of the few men you could tolerate.

“Bucky. Hey.”

He looked like a dream this morning, which was annoyingly normal for him. Clad in sweats and muscle tee that was just a tad bit too cropped and a hair too small, he proved to be distracting to anyone with working vision.

“How’s the hangover?” He knew the answer to that question, he just liked fucking with you.

“Oh get bent Barnes.” You brushed shoulders as you passed him, heading towards the kitchen for tea.

He chuckled, entertained by your active avoidance of the question.

“I’m genuinely asking.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Sure you are. Well, I was thinking about all the things that happened last night. It’s a bit fuzzy if I’m being honest.”

He chuckled at your expense before proceeding to fill you in on what secrets you revealed while he played nurse

“I told you all of that?! I don’t even remember half of it happening.”

“How do you feel about what you do remember?” He tried not to sound too hopeful, masking his genuine curiosity at your next words.

“I’d like to jump off the Empire State, thank you. I regret everything.” Your head fell in your hands, wondering how you could be so stupid. You haven’t even looked at your phone, but you’re sure to find some horrifying photos and texts you’d like to bury with the dinosaurs.

“Everything?”

Did I stutter or something?

“Everything. I’m gonna have to ask Riri and Daisy for confirmation of all this, but I’m sure there’s gonna have to be a lot of retcon later. I did a lot of stupid things last night, more stupid than usual.”

Bucky didn’t respond to your thinking out loud, not even reassuring everything would be okay. But his posture said something he couldn’t; he was upset.

“Bucky?” No answer.

“Bucky.” Again nothing.

“James! Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”

He took a moment to respond, mulling over his rampant thoughts and trying not to bark at you.

“No, no you didn’t. Everything’s fine. In fact, what you said couldn’t have been more perfect.”

Everything clearly wasn’t fine, but his mind was halfway down the street before you could even begin to think of a response, his body trying to catch up. You watched in silent confusion as he grabbed a sweatshirt and his keys, slamming the door behind him without a single look in your direction.

“What the actual fuck just happened?”

#Bucky Barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #roommate!buckybarnes #roommate au

55 notes · View notes

strwberri-milk · 2 years ago

Text

I Know You'll Always Love Me (And I Wish It'd Be Enough)

Ex!Kaeya x AFAB!Reader || Smut, Angst no Comf || 2 825 words

additional tags: vaginal sex, blowjobs, mildly toxic relationship (you and kaeya are broken up but regularly fuck and its not good for either of you)

Forever was a promise that you made to him. You just didn't realise how much this version of forever could hurt.

a/n: idk why but theres smth about this,,,the mutual pining, the hurt, the "i love you so much and thats why im letting you go" and anyway this is kaeyas bday fic bc if i cant be happy on mine neither can he /lh there is a chance i write a second part bc i like happy endings but,,,,,

A buzz interrupts your nightly routine, your breath caught in your throat as you know exactly what that means.

The moon is high in the sky, slipping through your curtains to land on your bedside table. Your phone is alight with a message, another buzz reminding you that someone on the other end expects an answer. It isn’t until your phone is in your hand and you’re reading the text that you realise you’re already texting back, that lump in your throat refusing to go.

As soon as the text sends you know you’ve only got a short amount of time to prepare, that churning in your stomach both anxiousness and excitement. You know how much it’ll hurt to go through with this, to let him back in even for this brief encounter but you need him here, even if it’s just to pretend that things are the same and nothing’s changed.

The doorbell doesn’t even ring, the only word of warning you get is a turning of the knob as you remind yourself for the nth time you need to take his key back. You turn to the door of your bedroom, immediately engulfed in a familiar warmth you wish you could forget. His kisses are desperate against your skin, nails digging into your body as his heavy breathing drowns out your other thoughts.

“Kaeya,” you gasp against his lips, letting him swallow your moans as he only gets more frantic.

Kaeye doesn’t say anything, only pushing you down onto your sheets. Immediately, his grip brings your legs to wrap around his waist, pulling your core to rub up against his. Your hands push against his chest with a whimper, making him stop and look at you. His eye is unfocused, evidence of his arousal beginning to poke against your wettening entrance.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, already beginning to withdraw from your body.

“No!” you cry out, pulling him back on top of you.

You miss him so much, wanting nothing more than for him to look at you the way he used to. This is the only way you’ll get him now, and you’re disgusted with yourself for it. You can only have him under the cover of night, blanketed by desire at his behest.

But you know there’s no way you can say no to him.

“Then what’s wrong?”

There’s no warmth in his voice, nothing like the man you used to know. Instead, there’s just a stranger in his body, someone who’s been long done with you but the body is so comforting you need it to take you. You shake your head and pull him back down, slotting your lips together.

“I just wanted to breathe a bit,” you lie easily, knowing by the way his fingers twitched that he didn’t believe you.

He only shakes his head before continuing, positioning your body to sit better against his lap as he begins to rut against your body. You can feel his erection growing against you, reaching down to touch him only to have your hand swatted away.

“Don’t worry about me,” he says in a way that could almost be seen as caring. “If I want you to be ready then I’ll have to focus on you before myself.”

Even now he was still giving to you, the sick and twisted irony being that he took everything from you when he left. That, or he just didn’t want to let himself melt into your arms to keep this cordial distance between you two. Whatever the answer is, you decide it doesn’t matter as much as his fingers against your wet slit does, biting your bottom lip as he begins to tease you.

“I missed this,” he whispers almost reverentially, slowly beginning to sound more like the man you used to know.

You keen into his touch, letting him do with you as he wishes, totally unaware of what’s going on in his mind.

Kaeya’s quickly becoming obsessed with your body once again, loving the way he fits into his so smoothly. He knows everything that makes you feel good, how you’ll squeeze so tightly around his fingers if he crooks them up a certain way or even just kisses you with just the right amount of pressure. Your breath against his collar drives him insane in a way he thinks you’ll never know and imperceptibly, his grip around your body tightens.

He doesn’t need to hear your noises to know that he’s right where you need him to be, only mildly listening just in case he hurts you. All of what he does is purely muscle memory, his mind never able to fully wean itself off of you during the countless hours he spends alone. The only thing he can do to make the ringing in his ears stop is to kiss you like this, hold you like this, pull his fingers out of your pussy to take your bottoms off for you like this.

You get the sense that he’s moving faster than he normally would. Maybe he’s busy in the morning, or perhaps he has someone else he’s wanting to see. The thought makes you pause, tears beginning to spring to your eyes.

In an instant, you feel yourself being pulled up and into his lap. Kaeya sits himself against the headrest of your bed, putting your face in the junction between his shoulder and jaw. You’re acutely aware of the fact that you won’t be able to look at him like this, wanting nothing more than to make him see what he’s putting you through but knowing that if he wants to avoid it he will. He doesn’t say much as you cry silently, only threading his fingers through your hair.

Normally, the rise and fall of his chest would soothe you but now you can’t feel anything but anger. Anger at him, at some imaginary date he has, at the fact that you somehow managed to let him slip through your fingers as though he meant nothing when it was the furthest thing from the truth. You don’t know if he knows how much you love him, how much you feel like you need him.

Instead, he just keeps you close against his body, sighing as you cry into him. After a few minutes he clears his throat.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Stay,” you mumble, bringing your hand down to his crotch.

He’s gotten soft but you know it’ll take you no time to get him back to his previous hardness. You crawl out of his lap, watching his expression carefully. When he shows no sign of saying no to you, you begin to palm at him before pulling him out of his pants, taking his hiss of satisfaction in stride when he throws his head back against the wood.

“Just until we’re done. Just stay until then, then you can go,” you convince him, letting his fingers tangle themselves back into your hair.

Your pace is slow, soothing his racing thoughts and pounding heart as you bob up and down on his length. Every move you make is practiced, down to the way you swallow around his thick girth to the teasing laps of your tongue when you pull off of him at the ache beginning to form at your jaw. You take pride in the way his hips buck into your mouth and let him guide your pace soon afterwards, looking up at him through your lashes.

Kaeya wishes he could look away but you’re the picture of sin like this, mouth drooling over his shaft and balls. You look like there’s nowhere you’d rather be but between his thighs. His dick twitches with each descent your mouth makes, savouring the slight gagging noises you make against him.

“Fuck - I’m gonna cum,” he warns, words turning into moans as you take him down your throat all at once.

The noises that come from your mouth just get lewder, his eyes rolling into the back of his head at the sight of your hand sneaking between your thighs to touch yourself at his groans. He wishes it were him between your legs, hard dick thrusting roughly into your spent hole that he knows he needs more and more of. He wants nothing more than to rut into you like an animal, neglect all of his needs if it means you’ll whine his name so prettily it makes his head spin. The thought of it makes him cum deep down your throat, his voice almost drowning out the sound of you choking on his cum. He continues to lazily thrust into your mouth, the aftershocks of his orgasm making his muscles twitch.

You sit up when he’s done, wiping the corner of your mouth and licking off the cum that comes off it with a cheeky grin, making his heart skip a beat. He huffs slightly, removing his pants and you know what that means.

Without any prompting from him you turn around and rest your head on your forearms, arching your back and spreading your thighs so his hungry eye can take in your soaked arousal. You didn’t get to cum earlier, not properly anyway. The look on his face as he was fingering you was too distracting to focus on the way he felt, ruining any true sense of pleasure you could have derived from it. Besides, this way you don’t have to see him and he doesn’t have to see you. You know that’s why he likes it this way, at least that’s why he likes it now.

Before, he was obsessed with feeling you up, wanting to watch your ass jiggle as he pulled you onto his cock. If you really got him riled up he’d pull you up, pull his arms through and under your knees as he repeatedly fucked up into you while whispering sweet nothings into your ear. It was intimate, warm. It made you feel loved.

Now, it was a way for him to use you without seeing you. A way to continue building that wall up between you two and you didn’t mind. If it meant that just for a second you could pretend he was looking at you like you were the greatest thing he could have then you would take it. You would take all of him over and over again if it meant you got to hang onto your delusions.

“Now, what are you doing like that? Turn around so I can see you,” he purrs, taking you by surprise.

You remain still, unsure of what to do. He sighs, grabbing you by your hips and turning your body over. Sprawled out on your back like this he gives you no room to escape his body, teasing his cock between your pussy lips with a self satisfied smirk.

“Well, look who’s ready for me. I can fuck you, can’t I?” he asks cockily.

Your nod grants him entrance, arching your back as the delicious stretch of his cock entering your body makes your mind numb.

This. This is what you’ve missed.

The look on his face of rapture as he feels you squeeze around him, the way he kisses you like he loves you, the way he can’t breathe without moaning into your skin, the way his hips slowly thrust into you as he waits for you to adjust to his size. All of it makes even more tears spring to your face but this time he doesn’t stop.

Instead, he just brushes his fingers against your eyes. Tenderly, your tears are wiped away and you can’t help but keen more into his touch as you grow even more desperate for him to touch you more. You need more of this intimacy you know he can give you, whining into his lips as he kisses you to keep you quiet.

“Kaeya, Kaeya – please don’t tease me like this,” you pant against him, bucking your hips to tell him to move faster.

“Come on, you really think I’m that easy?” comes his smooth response.

Your nails dig into the sheets, not knowing if he’ll let you hold him. It’s all you can do not to mark his body, terrified that one misstep would lead to him cutting you out of his life entirely. That’s something you don’t want to gamble with, knowing that once this transactional relationship is done you’ll become nothing but a mere shell of yourself.

All your efforts are in vain when he wraps his arms around your body, holding you tight against his chest. You cling onto him like he’s your lifeline and as far as you’re concerned he is. He doesn’t brush off your touch this time, letting your nails scratch down his back when his pace picks up. The grinding of his hips against your body in this position stimulates every part of you that he reaches, only making your noises become that much more desperate.

Your senses are filled with him, pleasure mixing with an intense sadness that this will soon be over. That soon enough he’ll be gone and the only thing that will be left to warm your sheets is a memory of him that only cares when it suits him. As your focus wanes, his intensifies, refusing to let you slip away.

He pins you back down against the bed, pulling your hands off of him just to thread your fingers together and keep them above your head. It forces you to look at him as he fucks you, navy locks falling down to frame his handsome features as he starts to ram into you. His dick brings you back to the present and you’re no longer holding back any of your noises. You know your voice is going to go hoarse with the way you’re screaming for him but you don’t know anything else when your brain is muddled like this, letting him slot his lips between yours when you cum around him.

Kaeya feels you clench around him, pretending that the tears on your face don’t bother him as much as they actually do. It’s the only reason he can think of to hold back from the pleasure that threatens to overtake him, knowing that once he cums it’ll all be over. That he has no reason to stay here anymore, that for your own sake he needs to leave. It doesn’t matter that he’s clearly saying the right things for you, thrilled at the way your body reacts to his voice and if it weren’t for his own actions he’d be able to take his time and tease you to his heart’s content.

Instead, he’s rutting into you like a wild animal, burying his moans into your neck as you cum with cries of his name. There’s little room for him to focus on those mundane feelings, the one’s he can reflect on in the comfort of his cold bed. Now, he can focus on you, focus on the way his body needs you, the release that he’s been craving all day satiated as he cums deep inside of you. Your breathless noises make his cock twitch wanting to indulge in you over and over again despite knowing he won’t.

The encounter comes to an end, the unspoken rule between the two of you ever since your explosive fight coming into effect. Neither person says anything they’ll regret. Neither person asks for the other to stay.

He wordlessly cleans the two of you off, finishing with a soft kiss to your lips. You’ve grown to expect it now, unsure if it’s because he’s so used to showering you with aftercare or because it’s a fissure of his facade. You don’t let him go as soon as he pulls back, instead chasing his lips to deepen the kiss. When he responds in kind you’re shocked, but you want to milk it for as much as you can, closing your eyes as you cup his face in your hands.

When you both part to breathe you take a minute to just look at him, melting into his being and speaking without thinking.

“I love you.”

The three words hang heavily in the air, dread flooding your chest as you try to figure out how to remedy the situation. He sighs in your panic, shaking his head and pulling back from you. The tears spring to your eyes again and you wish that you could do something rather than just cry as he gets dressed and ready to go. You watch as he’s about to walk through the door, turning back just to glance at you.

“I know you do.”

And with that he’s gone, every trace that he was once here taken with him again.

And with that, you collapse into yourself again, knowing that you’ll do anything if it means seeing him again, just for a minute.

#kaeya x reader #kaeya smut #kaeya alberich x reader #genshin x reader #genshin smut

110 notes · View notes

tascha-schwarz · 2 years ago

Text

Imagine… visiting Severus Snape after the tragic events of May 2, 1998

A/N: Idk why I did this. Heartbreaking. Read at your own risk.

You rose up to your feet and walked up to the window to stretch your bones – you’ve been sitting on that chair for a couple of hours now. All possible things have been discussed yet, all possible thoughts have been shared. As usual, you told him everything you had on your mind, and so did he.

“You have a picturesque view from up here.” It always mesmerized you, especially in winter. Leaning on the windowsill, you took your time to admire.

“You still enjoy watching it snow,” Snape noticed with a soft smile.

“Yeah,” you agreed looking outside. “Remember, how much you disliked me walking the floor barefoot right out of bed just to check if it snowed at night?” The memory emerged so clearly, so vividly, as if it was just yesterday.

“Of course, I do. You got so excited every time.”

“How long’s it been? Seems like an eternity. But you don’t have to worry, now I always put my socks on first.”

“I knew one day you’d finally master this!” he chuckled.

“I wish I didn’t. I wish you still lectured me for that,” you lowered your head and wiped away a tear. “I got rid of all the habits you thought were… ‘destructive’,” you quoted him and turned around to see if he got the hint. He did.

“And destructive they were,” he raised the eyebrow in his sententious manner.

“You’re being an insufferable old grumbler,” you laughed bitterly. “Merlin, I promised myself not to cry this time!” you rolled your eyes to let them dry a bit. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see me like this. Again.”

“You should move on, my dear,” he gave you a sad smile, “learn to live without me.”

You shook your head –

“Not again, Sev.”

“You know it can’t last forever. Maybe it’s time for you to leave me behind?”

“No. No! Million times no! I can’t do it! You’re asking the impossible!”

“I can’t watch you torment yourself. These visits just won’t let the wound heal…”

“I don’t care! These visits are all I have! And if I get to see you just once a year or even once a decade, so be it.”

He sighed –

“And you call me insufferable?”

You ignored his words. Earlier, you’d stick to them to friendly tease each other, but now it was different. Maybe someday the pain would subside and you’d be able to take things easier, but now you were not in the right mood.

“I miss you, Severus…” you said in barely a whisper. “So much…”

“I know. That’s all right.”

You disagreed. It wasn’t all right. Him being just a portrait in a frame wasn’t all right! But you were grateful to have an opportunity to talk to the man you loved years after his death.

“Are you okay in there?” you forced out a smile. It was faint, yet sincere. You still cared about him, you always will.

“Never better,” warmth seeping through his eyes, he looked at you from the canvas.

“I still want to take you home!” you frowned.

“Well, I have obligations here, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“Yeah, you’re teaching DADA, I know. Why haven’t they come up with the idea of employing portraits earlier?” you wondered. “They’d save a fortune on unclaimed salary!”

Snape laughed.

“At least you’re enjoying it,” you smiled. “I’m glad you found a purpose even in this form.”

“You too should find a purpose.”

“Don’t start again,” you hushed him kindly.

The clock has struck another hour.

“Your train departs soon,” Snape reminded.

“Does it?” you looked at your watch. “Bloody time goes so fast!”

You approached the wall where a massive painting of a former Headmaster Severus Snape stood out among many others of a kind. Your hand reached out to him. Snape rested his palm against yours, but you could feel nothing but the cold surface of thick strokes of paint.

“I miss your touch so bad,” you whispered, barely holding back tears.

“Me too, my dear, me too…”

“See you on Christmas?” you sniffed, trying to smile again.

“Take care of yourself. And please don’t cry. Promise?”

“Promise,” you sniffed again, giving him one last look and left Headmaster’s office.

You leaned on the wall once the door slammed behind your back and sagged on the floor giving way to your grief. A few silent weeps, and you were back on your feet. You made a deep breath and opened your eyes to bravely face the world, calm and collected. You promised him not to cry, and from now on you won’t. At least, until the next time you meet him.

#snape #severus snape #snape x reader #severus snape x reader

77 notes · View notes

5blondeboytoy5 · 6 months ago

Note

Also sdv LIs ranked :)

okay strap in i’ve got opinions

separating by m vs f i lean m and can’t compare some of them yknow? i’ll let you know my fave and least fave

men…

1. SAAAAAAAM my darling dearest light of my life fire of my loins samson my absolute favorite beloved number one man i love you i love you i love you… every love song i listen to i think of samson i have playlists named after him i have aus constructed around him i am incredibly unhealthily obsessed with him he is in every universe he is love we have two kids and they’re both named he’s so sweet and i want to save him

2. sebastian, god he’s so losercore patheticcore disgustingcore i love his entire vibe. i know ive jokes about him and sam being different versions of whit/kylar but while i think you have to bend and dig deep into sam to make him a bully like whitney (which i think sam could easily be characterized as a troublemaker i digress) seb is one hot bitch moving to the valley away from being a disgusting stalker that jerks off with your panties and peeks in through your window i love him he’s such a loser and i don’t want to save him

3. alex, i know he’s the most unpopular bachelor but i really think he’s just trying his best - I KNOW I KNOW there’s some icky lines from him but there’s something so endearing about him… he reminds me of kevin from daria, he’s so simple and i know he just thinks with his dick

4. elliott, he’s fine, solid 5/10 like i understand the appeal to him - he’s romantic, and sweet, and dreamy, but he’s not for me. but again i see why people like him

5. harvey…. kinda the same reason as avery/eden in the prev ask im not into older men and he’s clearly in his 40s…. he’s just boring i just don’t quite see him but im not a hater toward him

6. shane. now, yknow elliott and harvey aren’t for me but im not an elliott/harvey hater. I AM A SHANE HATER FOREVER hes ugly and old and stinky and i know he’s flawed and you can save him but i take so many issues with his character like….i know alcoholism is a disease and addiction is terrible and all that but the fact that he has legal custody of jas and continues to drink and throw his life away and force marnie into raising her EVEN AFTER HES SOBER AND LIVING WITH THE PLAYER and idk. i just do not vibe with fucking an alcoholic parent and i think haley gets so much shit for being mean and shane gets away with it scot free. i just do not like him at all and i wouldn’t hate him half as much if he wasn’t the most popular bachelor. fuck shane all my homies hate shane

now onto the women…..just a preface i like all of them pretty much ???? like think of them all above elliott in my ranking because i think they’re all lovely

1. EMILYYYYY SWEET SPACEY AQUARIUS GIRL (in my heart) i love a weird girl i love how esoteric her heart events are also i sew too and so does she….she’s the bachelorette i identify most with and i love love love love love her

2. abigail….i can’t not. the ass gang is so near and dear to my heart they’re the stupid shithead friends you make in high school in your stupid podunk town and i just. god she’s such a cool girl….but i love her more in a best friend way than in a make out with me way

3. haley… i just love her vibes and i think her development is a lot more interesting and also is a victim of misogyny…. i just feel like her narrative is so different as a girl character because to me haley is unlearning internalized misogyny and learning how to be understanding and loving

4. maru… i love a dorky nerdy girlie in stem and i love the dynamic between her and seb (which is how ive mostly experienced her mostly) and how interesting their family dynamic is. anyway, maru is the friend i made in my honors classes in school but we had nothing in common but she’s so sweet and nice that i stick by her side

5. penny, the other bachelorette i relate the most to (i work childcare irl) and i think her and pam and their dynamic with alcoholism is infinitely more interesting than shane. but, i feel like penny is just….too delicate and domestic i want so much good for this girl

6. leah - no hate! no hate fr! i just never ever see her because she’s always in her cabin! but also i love her because she’s artsy and cute but i just don’t know her like that!

#thank you for asking i love you so much #mwah mwah #asks🎀#natasha.txt #this is so long i’m sorry #this is so much longer than the dol interests i’m sorry #ig sdv has more characterization than dol #but #also fuck shane #also i’ve had 4 years for these feelings to develop and simmer

5 notes · View notes

michelleelizabethtanner · 1 year ago

Note

Do you think Beth really believed Rio was coming after them after the truck thing in 1.09? I always just assumed she was jumping to conclusions and was so far out of her depth ("He looked at me funny"), but was there something else to it? Did she really want to take him down deep down?

Hi Anon! Thank you for the ask! Idk if I have a super good answer though. I’ve always considered this scene more based on the mistakes Rio made in underestimating Beth’s reaction. IDK why I haven’t thought more in-depth about why she behaved the way she did.

Unless I’m misremembering, everything in that episode showed her anger, and none of her actions around Rio signified fear. I don’t think she was even jumping to conclusions about what he might do to them. I think she was just mad. Yet another man putting her in her place, taking away her power and her financial “security” because he decided her life for her. So she retaliated. Her “we’re good people” excuse was just a cover to get her girls on board. It’s the line she uses all the time to manipulate people (including Rio.) “I’m a good person. I’m a mother. I eat at P. F. Chang’s.”

The fact that this woman can never think through the consequences of her choices surrounding Rio truly astounds me. She cannot be so stupid to blindly lash out and expect nothing to happen to her. I’ve been kind of thinking about this irritating aspect of her behavior. The ways in which she hurts Rio over and over, even once she sees the actual hurt on him, she doesn’t stop. Contrast that with how she enables Dean over and over, who has a proven track record of lying to her and actively harming her. So it makes so little sense why she would lash out, even contrary to her own wellbeing, in this particular situation. She couldn’t have expected that he would be imprisoned forever just because she gave up some laundering details. So what then? Was it a cry for his attention? A cry to be seen? It’s gotta be. Her nihilistic tendencies come through so strong around Rio. He brings it out in her. So it’s like she doesn’t even care what happens to her, as long as he keeps looking at her, as long as she’s feeling that power he makes her feel.

Which brings us back to what was so polarizing about Beth to so many viewers — she’s selfish af. She doesn’t want to be. She’s torn. She keeps thinking if she just does one more shitty thing to Rio, she will prove her goodness to the universe. Prove that she’s worthy of having a husband who’s faithful, and children who don’t struggle with emotional disorders, and friends who choose her even over their own husbands. This woman has been abandoned and scarred so deeply in her formative years that she’s absolutely desperate to matter and to be chosen. (Kinda like someone else we know.) But Rio seems to be her one “safe space” to be herself. “Just being myself.” And while that may sound romantic (and it IS), it’s also toxic af because for her to be “herself” she has to all the time behave abusively (ugh, I hate that word because it isn’t quite accurate to their dynamic but idk what other thing to call it… maybe retaliatory?) toward Rio. He feeds the monster that she hides from others. He isn’t a “good person” so it’s fine for her to take her trauma out on him. And he keeps coming back for more. And he keeps wanting her despite it. It’s that good old cycle of abuse, continually perpetuated. They find so much warped validation in each other they can’t quit.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent. Sorry about that! These asks are so helpful in getting me back into a Brio state of mind. Reminds me how I love analyzing them. 😊 Makes me wanna not work and write Brio stories (that I’ve been stagnant on for like 2 months now 😩)

#gg 1.09 #what you and I had is done #over #go home Elizabeth #people who are afraid their crime boyfriend might hurt them don’t throw keys in his face #asks #brio psychoanalysis #headcanon #nbc good girls #brio

12 notes · View notes

mymindstv · 2 years ago

Text

Steddie - Corroded Coffin or Hellfire stuff ideas

I get the usual shit of “You’re dating who?!” when the guys hear about Eddie with Steve, but I think there’s more ideas that can be explored

- instead of trying to stop Eddie from dating the former king of jocks or test him to see if he’s worthy, the three stooges take it upon themselves to get them together (que some half-baked brainstorming to create romantic openings which shows none of them a have romantic bone in their bodies combined, which either Eddie or Steve won’t notice, or just cause a chaotic mess)

listen, they’re weirdos, they’ve accepted that since they knew, but man does Eddie take the cake in being an oddity, they gotta give this man the best chance possible to look good, but after spying a date or two, it looks like they don’t need to help, Steve’s pretty into Eddie’s weird and is also off-putting himself

- rockstar drama, in some stories Eddie’s in a new band (even read a cute one shot with Erica & Argyle playing in the band), kicked out of his old band, or no longer in music because the guys fuck off after the whole “wanted for murder” witchunt (whether because they’re forced to stop interacting by family or they choose to stop hanging out with him(self-preservation, questioning how well they know their friend, seeing him on friendly terms with a former jock, etc))

maybe Corroded Coffins ends in an ugly argument, Eddie pissed at the people he used to be there for all the time leaving him in the dust (already lost the old trailer, maybe the guitar gets wrecked, his body and mind forever scarred, just so much has already been lost or taken), maybe the guys feel like they don’t know their friend anymore for a multitude of reasons (like Eddie refusing to talk about anything but unable to act like nothing’s happened), or silent stalemate where no one knows what to say, they just feel something’s changed and it’s not for the better so they drift apart

maybe sometime goes by people move to bigger cities, the guys are still in the music scene trying a name for themselves, something something find a cool place to play live advertising on diy flyers outside and surprise Eddies playing tonight (something something see him play, see who he’s playing with, and why is Steve Harrington here? maybe he’s on stage too), time to reconnect?

- also I get it, Steve plays nice with the hellfire guys because he’s turning a new a leaf, but he will remind motherfuckers how he earned the title of king among a bunch of knuckledragging jocks if they want to issues, Eddie’s not gotta stop it that’s what makes him hot under the collar (idk who needs to hear this but nice doesn’t equal doormat, that’s trend’s boring)

I guess this is more on the friendship side compared to romance, but in all my worlds, steddie still happens, it’s just not the main focus bc Im bad at that anyway

#steddie #steve x eddie #corroded coffin #im not a writer why i am doing this #im not writing any of this please dont make me #gareth #jeff #the unamed freak #hellfire club #stranger things #im too lazy to delete my old posts man #i forgot this existed #steveddie

25 notes · View notes

acourtofthought · 1 year ago

Note

I was pretty indifferent toward Elain’s character and then at some point the ship wars made me a bit annoyed of her (not the characters fault) which was crazy bc I never truly disliked her. But I still felt like I didn’t know her no matter how much ppl explained her character. So… after having a good mental break from the internet I came back to see if anyone could analyze her character in a way that made sense to me & wasn’t repetitive or preachy. I just… didn’t want fandom nonsense to affect how I felt about a character, esp one who I knew nothing about (and when it’s regarding a ship bc that’s just worse, not to mention v silly!)

Anyway, I came across your blog (and other eluciens) and it has helped me see her character in a way that might not be so easy to notice at first, esp for casual readers (formerly me). It felt like I only ever saw one explanation for why she behaves/reacts a certain way but your blog gives a very diff perspective and I love that bc I couldn’t see it at first. If only I’d ventured out of my gwynriel blogs into elucien blogs back then! I wouldn’t call myself a “Stan” but I do like her very much! And it’s gotten to the point where I now get annoyed when ppl make the same claims about her that i used to think, or they say what’s been said about her for forever. In my head I’m like, “but you don’t know the half of it!” Also, not to mention the fact that it is 100% true that female characters have to “work” a lot harder to be forgiven for even the smallest things and that is absolutely not okay. And idc if it’s a female character (in general) I don’t really like— i still wouldn’t be okay with that.

I’d say biggest thing I got out of your blog (and others) is that I gained a certain amnt of respect for her. And i kno it will only go up for me when her book is out. That was honestly prolly my biggest struggle with her character in the beginning. Her being quiet or enjoying gardening wasn’t a problem to me (although I did wish she’d speak her mind every once in awhile). It was more like.. “Idk what I can respect about her, at least not yet” esp with the comparisons to gwyn. But this is absolutely NOT true for me anymore. I’m finally able to see her outer AND INNER beauty!

I’m so glad though that now I can love both ladies without feeling like they’re up against each other. So thank you!!

Btw the more I think about it the more I’m like.. she reminds me a bit of Penelope from Bridgerton (who I love) so I’m very interested to see her character arc!

Sending lots of love 🫶

Thank you for this message!!! ❤️

It's one of my favorite things to hear, that people that were really not fans of Elain's have come around to her a bit after something I or others might have said.

She's definitely not been as bold as the other FMC SJM has written about and if you like SJMs books, I can understand how that'll turn some people off.

And while she'll never be 100% like Feyre or Nesta or Aelin, you see the little hints that she's already much more than she currently looks to be in the NC.

And I think that's the issue I have with how some view Elain. To them, the thing that makes her happiest is to be gardening and cooking / baking / serving the IC. Where her purpose is to spend her days reassuring Azriel that he's not a big bad man, that he just needs a little love to be the soft gentle boy she knows him as.

And that Elain is horrific to me. I don't read SJM to read about a heroine who's purpose revolves around being a housewife to the male.

There is NOTHING wrong with being a housewife but I'm realistic about what fantasy books with a female POV are about and that's not the point of these kinds of story's. I want to see her grow and become a force to be reckoned with. I don't want her to take a backseat to Azriel, there to make him feel worthy and to tag along for his spy / torture sessions when we get zero hints that's what she wants.

Time will tell but I really hope SJM proves to E/riels that Elain is more than a character used to serve others. A character deserving to have a greater purpose than spending her days reassuring Az over and over that he's not a big bad male whose touch will taint her "immaculate skin". A character deserving of her journey to be told on page and not something that's apparently happened in someone else's book (friends already found, already in love).

#anti e*riel #antie/riel

11 notes · View notes

soleilnomoon · 1 year ago

Note

Prompt: “I don’t like them; I can barely tolerate them.” for Abarai Renji. Once again, I leave it up to you what you wanna do (but maybe enemies to lovers) Yes, I might be on a little Bleach binge right now but it's okay you like it. kiss kiss

*hides face* ok, ok, ok, hear me out, let's pretend i didn't take *insert accurate length of time here* and say i wrote this in a few days. i am so sorry i took forever and ever with this but as u know i can only give u top quality work or else i'll never forgive myself. renji is.......well *motions to him* yk how that man is, he made me suffer!!!! in a good way!!! but still i suffered!!! yk how much i love enemies 2 lovers u big brained beauty 🤭 so ty baby❤️️ also this is my first renji fic and i can't belev it.

5.2k words (don't look at me, just don't), fem reader, nsfw, 18+ mdni, enemies 2 lovers, angst city, angst angst city biiiitch (yk the vibez babey), smut obviously, no fluff bc who do u think i am? feat. renji being a mean petty bitch (i guess that makes him a mean dom maybe yes), sub reader bc that's what i want; there's a party with alcohol, ichigo and co. make brief appearances, bathroom sex, choking (he's sf romantic), a lot of cursing bc they're grown that's why, renji is a beast when he's jealous, reader is a lil bit of a brat but lbr who wouldn't be in that situation; mutual ""unrequited"" pining, lots of tension, fingering, rough (consensual) sex, lil bit of degradation, lil bit of a size kink, lil bit of praise kink, idk there's probably more stuff but i'm so tired rn i can't think; um renji obviously comes w his own gd warning; reader is determined to not let this man win but, hello, it's renji he always comes out on top wink wink. (if u see spelling errors/mistakes no u didn't hottie)

“when i write about all of this it becomes its own kind of violence. / i retell the story as myth, as if it were my own body devoured.” — caitlin scarano & “so much of love is violence. the desire / to be split open, invaded, mangled / and made new.” — erin slaughter

HATRED X TASTES X SWEET

you’ve never been cut out for this line of work, but your insistence on eliminating all your shortcomings is commendable. brave, even. it’s something you don’t really think about unless you want to spend the night half-drunk, rambling about the things you should’ve done but never had the courage to do.

like telling a certain red-haired, bullheaded lieutenant that he’s the most ridiculous and excessively arrogant man you’ve ever come across. all in all, you’re pretty sure telling him off won’t phase him; nothing ever does, not really anyway.

at first you try politeness; your grandmother would be proud of how well you’ve learned to bite your tongue. it’s ungraceful, but you fake it well enough that others think your emotional maturity is far above theirs. little do they know, you actually have to literally bite your tongue; simply remaining silent isn’t easy for you anymore. so, when you bite, it’s with rage, months of unshed tears and accumulated spite; you bite your tongue so hard you bleed more every time.

your unsaid words bunch together — tiny soldiers determined to strike in unison without fail — and sit heavily in the back of your throat, ready to launch forward at your command.

but you never say them, and you choke more than once; an unbearable shame to carry with you as he continues to slash at your patience, thin ribbons cascading off you like confetti. you wonder if your anger will lead to your death— or if it’ll lead to his. you intend to keep all of that hidden, though, and keep reminding yourself that eventually he will tire from berating you, from talking to you as if you’re the most incompetent being in all of soul society, from looking at you like your very being disgusts him.

that’s what you tell yourself these days. you like to conveniently ignore the way his dark eyes linger on yours during meetings — you’ve noticed that people have taken to describing them as soulless, cold and critical, unimpressed at everything and anyone.

but you see him — all of him; the raw, feral, powerful and severe side that not many have the misfortune of knowing. they think they get the real version of renji whenever they deal with him, but they never do; you know that now. you doubt it’s even intentional on his part, or maybe — just maybe — he really does hate you.

to put it plainly, as you’ve told rukia and rangiku, the sixth division lieutenant has the biggest fucking chip on his shoulder. despite the walls he continues to put up to keep others from carving out a place for themselves in his life, despite the way his words roll around his mouth, clumsily coasting down the length of his tongue before they pierce the air around you with their toxicity — you’re tired of the way he purposely singles you out time and time again to point out your inadequacies without remorse.

abarai renji is also sick of dealing with you. whenever he thinks he’s found a means of scaring you off, you scurry right back more determined and more obnoxious than ever. which is rich, coming from him.

he claims you’re inconsequential, a nuisance — a pest, even — one that he intends to get rid of permanently. it’s harsh and he’s more than aware of that, but he finds that this is the most appropriate solution to his problem. he could easily ignore you; he could try to keep his comments to himself and try to be somewhat cordial whenever you cross paths. but he won’t. and he has no damn idea why.

“no, no come in, i have plenty of snacks for everyone.”

rukia’s voice is a constant in his life that he’ll always be thankful for. he watches her glide into the room, grinning at the friends she’s invited over, her laughter like soft bells that is easily recognizable even with all the conversation happening. when he feels his chest constrict, an uncomfortable, yet familiar warmth stretching over his skin, he decides to drink so that he can ignore the sensation and forget.

a feeble attempt, because he knows how this will all end — with him drunk off his ass in an even worse mood than he started.

mouth opening, renji prepares to tell rukia to get better sake, when rangiku leads you into the living room where he’s lounging comfortably. the bottle in his hand grows heavier by the second and suddenly he’s not very interested in drinking anymore. already, his foul mood from earlier returns, and every step you take only fuels his irritation; it bubbles underneath his skin, making him frown and grip the bottle tighter.

you don’t need to look at him to know that he’s glaring at you — he always is. rangiku feigns obliviousness as she encourages you to go make yourself comfortable while she fetches snacks with rukia. you stare at both of them, wide-eyed, confused — a pleading look sliding onto your face after a few moments, but they assure you both that they’ll be back shortly.

with a sigh you sit on the armchair adjacent to him, determined to just remain quiet in the hopes that he’ll just ignore you for once. sitting up straight, discomfort finds its way to the pit of your stomach, swirling around as you fidget with the bracelet around your wrist. his eyes watch your movements with an obsessiveness that startles him; there’s no reason why he should be interested in the shape of your fingers, there’s no reason why he should be interested in the way you keep brushing stray curls away from your face, and there’s no reason why he should be interested in possibly fucking you when he knows for a fact that he is absolutely uninterested in you.

his disinterest runs so deep it spoils the taste of the sake, but he takes another swig anyway. the alcohol burns as it travels swiftly down his throat, and it just so happens that you glance over at him — innocuous, an attempt to gauge his annoyance level — as his throat bobs and your mouth dries at the sight.

you turn your face away quickly, a traitorous flush crawling slowly along your skin, unjustly warming your cheeks. inhaling deeply, you do your best to will the blush away to no avail. where the hell are rukia and rangiku? surely it can’t take that long to grab snacks. you’re tempted to go find them, but you have a sinking feeling that it would turn you into a coward.

and you refuse to give that man any more ammo against you.

IT’S X (NOT) X YOU

what initially starts as a small get-together, quickly turns into a party; leave it to rangiku to liven things up, her laughter infectious and whimsical, flitting about like a persistent hummingbird as she encourages everyone to play drinking games with her. experience taught him better than to engage because despite his high tolerance, there’s really no beating rangiku when she’s on a roll.

but when you emphatically agree to play with the rest, fury rises in his chest; your audacity, it seems, knows no bounds — and, yes, he understands the hypocrisy in his critique. he just doesn’t care.

the games are every bit as simple and ridiculous as you thought they’d be, but as everyone seems to be in relatively good spirits, you play along. not normally competitive with things like this, you get into the swing of things when you win round after round.

cheers resound nearby at your success, but throughout the evening, you feel renji’s stare and do everything in your power to not give in and look back at him. a tough feat to say the least, as you are always acutely aware of his presence; and when you do happen to sneak another glance, his legs are spread and you curse under your breath for finding that attractive.

foolish, you chide, so fucking foolish.

renji sucks his teeth as he feels a heaviness in his head; groaning loudly he swirls around what little sake he has left in his glass before finishing it.

“you lose again,” rukia’s voice is soft and teasing, but he’s annoyed and can’t be bothered with talking to her right now. she pats his shoulder gingerly before standing up to head to the kitchen. his mind is a mess and he blames you for it completely.

“i don’t fucking care,” he says gruffly to her retreating figure, not bothering to elevate his voice as he’s sure she heard him. and he really doesn’t care; he’s trying to tell himself to calm down, but he can’t.

the fault completely lies with you — of course it does, everything you do agitates every cell in his body. the reason is simple, and he hates that he doesn’t want to admit it — he’s so undeniably attracted to you that it pisses him off. he takes in your appearance for the twelfth time that night, admiring the softness of your cheeks, the fullness of your lips, the way you seem entirely too animated as you laugh at someone’s lame joke — and yes, he can tell it’s not funny from how your laughter dies down after a few seconds.

if he had better sense, he’d stop looking at you, but he can’t now; he might blame the sake for this later.

the intensity behind his gaze is enough to bring an inextinguishable heat along your skin. it’s only unpleasant because it travels down to your lower abdomen and brings about an agonizing ache between your thighs. at first, you do the sensible thing and ignore it; but the longer he stares, the more you want to look over, until finally you can’t take it anymore.

“i’ll be back,” you mumble to the other guests, although you doubt they hear you with how rowdy everyone is being; the noise isn’t unwelcomed, the distraction serves to mask your footsteps when you scurry from the living room to the back corridor, turning corner after corner until you find the bathroom.

a coward — that’s what you are.

you barricade yourself in there without thinking, heart pounding loud enough to disorient you. after several long minutes, you splash water on your face and take a few deep breaths.

“i can’t believe i ran away,” your voice is so soft you barely hear the words — almost as if you’re still in disbelief over the entire situation. there’s something off about renji tonight; the tension between you was more palatable and tangible than normal.

even though you feigned nonchalance as best as you could, there were so many moments where you couldn’t help but watch him too. pitiful. absolutely pitiful. there’s no excuse for it, and yet you struggle to find one anyway.

as you look at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, you try to convince yourself to head back out there. sooner or later, people will realize that you’ve gone missing — and rangiku is nosy enough and like a bloodhound when she’s drunk. your time is incredibly limited now.

there’s no reason for you to continue to avoid the inevitable, so you sigh and give yourself a small pep talk before heading back outside.

TRUTH X OR X …

renji’s mood doesn’t improve at all; in fact, it worsens the moment ichigo sits right next to him. he’s not even sure why this sets him off, but even closing his eyes and counting backwards does nothing to keep him calm.

with slight difficulty, renji grits out, “what do you want?”

undeterred, ichigo stares at renji pointedly, voice steady as he says, “you could go after her, you know.”

again, renji sucks his teeth loudly, arms folded against his chest, right leg bouncing slightly as he taps his foot on the floor. punching ichigo would be pointless, and then rukia would get involved and he doesn’t have time to deal with the fallout from that so he keeps his hands to himself.

besides, his anger is obviously misdirected right now. he knows — he knows —but he doesn’t care, so he doesn’t mince his words when he responds with, “go after who?” through his peripheral, he can see ichigo’s patience has also reached its limit.

“you’re not that stupid, so stop acting like it.”

normally, renji would take the opportunity to mes s around and argue back and forth, but he might actually fight his friend if he doesn’t walk away. so, he does; abrupt and without looking back, footsteps heavy on the hardwood floor.

maybe he just needs to change his approach with you, maybe talking things out would work in his favor; or maybe he needs to fuck you hard enough to purge you from his mind.

he lies to himself when he considers the first option, because it’s the second option that drives him to walk a little faster, head full of impossible thoughts as he wonders just how far you’d let him go.

when renji finally finds you, you’re in the middle of rebuffing the advances of an unfamiliar guest — they’re drunk, handsy, and keep oscillating between giving you cheesy pick-up lines and berating you for rejecting them. but you stand firm, and your voice is relatively loud when you tell them, “for the last fucking time, go away.”

under normal circumstances, renji would let you handle this yourself; he has no desire to play prince charming or be a knight in shining armor. you’re more than capable, and he’s seen the way you fight and argue to defend yourself — but, it’s when they place a wandering hand on your hip that he loses sight of all of that.

a brief moment passes, where your blood boils as you contemplate how best to kick their ass, but you never get the chance. a rather large shadow hovers over you both, but you already know who it is without having to look properly.

renji is a force to be reckoned with on a good day, but he’s at his fucking limit right now.

he doesn’t ask, doesn’t give any options for retreat, doesn’t say a word when he yanks them off with a brute strength that surprises even you.

now, can he really be blamed for throwing them into the neighboring wall hard enough to make a noticeable hole? and is it really his fault that the drunk can hardly walk as they clutch their broken arm while murmuring something unintelligible, something that renji takes as a sign of them wanting a repeat demonstration?

consequences be damned, he gives the drunk a lethal look before they scramble away in fear.

“loser,” he says loud enough for them to hear, but they don’t double back or even try to go toe-to-toe with the hot-headed lieutenant. you watch, half-amused and half-impressed with the unnecessary machismo, but still, you know better than to chastise him right now, especially when your heart sputters out of control from his proximity.

“…thanks,” you say, a faint flush on your cheeks, voice soft, head fuzzy when you realize that renji — aka mr. “i’ll fight you on everything any day of the week unprovoked for no reason other than to drive you crazy” — saved you. unprompted at that.

you make the mistake of looking up at him, your nerves prompting you to take a small step back when you realize that the usual hostility that renji reserves for you specifically is nowhere to be found. in its place is something more unreadable — or, rather, you don’t want to read into it for fear of being wrong.

renji steps closer, which makes you back up again until your back hits the wall and you’re no longer able to escape.

“we need to talk,” he says suddenly, but you shake your head, non-verbally objecting to the idea, curls bouncing wildly with your exaggerated movements. since he knows he’s pressed for time, he grabs your face with his large hand and stops you from moving. “that wasn’t a request.”

swallowing rusty nails would be better than dealing with your conflicting feelings over renji right now, because he’s much too close to you and now you’re forgetting why it is you hate him in the first place. ironically, he’s in the exact same position. so far, he’s acted on impulse over you more times than he can count tonight, but he supposes that’s to be expected — you are a wildcard, after all.

“what if i don’t want to.” your response is clumsy, the words tumbling one after the other. “what if i want you to leave?” you don’t actually mean that, but you throw it at him anyway, to see if maybe this was all a fluke, and maybe, just maybe he’ll remember himself and you both can go back to fighting like usual.

he considers your question, goes so far as to release your face to wrap his hand around your throat instead. your sharp inhale and parted lips tell him all he needs to know.

with a slightly raised brow, he asks, “well, do you?”

because if you do, he’ll walk away right now. but he knows what your answer will be, he just has to drag it out of you. he squeezes your neck to remind you to hurry it up, and before you can answer him properly, he places his leg in between yours, pressing close enough that you roll your hips forward while whimpering softly.

he really didn’t think any of this through, but luckily the adrenaline from it all won’t wear off anytime soon, so he’ll improvise along the way. he spent most of the night dealing with a semi-hard cock that wouldn’t listen to reason no matter how many times he tried to stop thinking about you. but now? all of that restraint goes out of the window, and before he can question it, he kisses you.

you’ve kissed plenty of people in your life — some good, most were mediocre and uninspiring — but renji actually takes your breath away. everything about him commands all your attention; from the way his lips move against yours greedily, leaving behind burning kisses that make your nipples harden underneath your clothes — to the way he thrusts his tongue in between your plush lips, licking inside of your mouth hotly, igniting an inextinguishable flame deep inside of you.

he grabs your hip with his free hand, squeezing hard, fingers digging firmly. all the irritation from earlier dissipates completely, leaving you feeling lightheaded and needy; you grind against him recklessly, arousal dampening the front of your panties, clit sensitive as it rubs against the delicate fabric. his cock presses against you — thick, long, and hard — and you wonder if this is why he’s so angry with you all the time.

was it always that simple?

if you asked the question aloud, he wouldn’t know what to tell you — it’s a combination of things, but mostly he’s an idiot; he knows that now, but likewise you’re an idiot too. you just don’t realize it yet.

it’s renji who pulls away first, lightly panting, breath warm against your lips as he releases his hold on your neck. he doesn’t know where he finds the strength to string together a coherent statement, but his voice is low and husky when he speaks. “answer my question.”

you blink at him, completely in a daze, lips slightly swollen from all the kissing. “wh-what?” you don’t remember what he asked you, and you don’t care.

“do you want me to leave?”

for some reason, you completely forgot that you told him that. you rub your lips together and run your hands along his chest. “no.” the answer comes out automatically, without hesitation, and that’s all the encouragement he needs.

“good.”

SAY X IT X LOUDER

he picks you up with ease, almost as if you weigh nothing; a small squeal spills out of you as you wrap your legs around his waist, and renji gives you a sly smile — one laced with mischief and an unspoken promise of what’s to come.

you’re back in the bathroom again, this time sitting on the counter with renji standing in between your legs. his hands coast along your curvy hips and down your thighs. he’s touching you but he’s not touching you and it’s driving you crazy.

with hurried, eager hands you both undress, and for the umpteenth time you internally curse this style of uniform; still, it doesn’t take too long before his hands are on you again, calloused palms rough and warm against your skin. he places a kiss on your jaw, then another on your neck right underneath your earlobe; each kiss he leaves behind distorts your common sense, makes you feel irrational and impatient. your hands are soft and well-practiced, stroking his stiff cock as his hips jerk forward from your touch.

he can’t remember the last time someone had him this worked up, which pisses him off a little; because that means him fucking you once won’t settle things. at that thought, renji bites your neck and your startled yelp quickly morphs into a moan when he runs his tongue along the mark. he dips his hand in between your thighs, rubbing his thick fingers against your slit. a loud banging on the door has you looking over, and you can’t remember if he bothered to lock it once you both were inside.

your attention nearly falters, but when he pinches your clit you buck your hips, a shiver shooting down your spine at the slight pain.

“eyes on me,” is all he says, seemingly annoyed that you would dare to focus your attention elsewhere, “always keep them on me.” what he means by that, he doesn’t know, but you take the command at face value and nod while swallowing. he slides a finger inside of your wet pussy, and while you initially wanted to keep quiet to avoid suspicion and to prevent anyone from intruding, but you can’t now.

“renji,” you breathe, fingers trembling as you hold onto the counter for support, he thrusts his finger in and out, quick and hard, before inserting another. you clench around him, hips rocking forward as he fingerfucks you and grinds his palm against your clit. you close your eyes and moan louder than you mean to, chest heaving, thoughts jumbled and incoherent. he scissors his fingers inside of you, but quickly removes them without prompting.

“fuck!” you open your eyes again and stare at him in disbelief. “why did you stop?”

he laughs darkly and grabs your face roughly, fingers pressing into your soft skin without remorse. “what did i tell you earlier?” everything about this situation is laughable. he gave you very specific instructions, ones he thought were easy enough for you to follow. for some reason your movements are sluggish, mind in a haze as you scramble to remember but nothing comes to mind.

as you open and close your mouth, looking every bit as adorable as you are alluring, he decides to show you a bit of kindness.

“get down.” his command comes swift, his patience practically nonexistent; precum glides down the head of his thick cock, but he ignores it for the sake of teaching you a lesson. you don’t bother waiting for him to repeat himself and slide off the counter. “turn around.”

like a doll, your movements are dictated by renji with simple, short statements. nothing about that phases you, though; it’s all very exciting, so when you do turn to face the counter, you bend forward and lean over the counter. renji admires the roundness of your ass and slaps it hard.

again, you find yourself moaning loudly, without shame and not caring about the volume of your voice. surely the others won’t pay attention, as they’re still very drunk and are entertaining themselves with more games. another slap on your ass has you grabbing onto the counter again, legs shaking, arousal dripping between your thighs in anticipation. if renji doesn’t fuck you soon, you might actually die.

he knows he’s taking too damn long, but it’s much more interesting making you work for him. he rubs the tip of his cock against your puffy pussy, gliding it in between your slick folds, your moans sweetly wrapping around him once he pushes inside of you slowly. someone bangs on the door again, making you look over, anxiety quickly filling your head with unnecessary what ifs that almost command your full attention.

with narrowed eyes, renji grabs onto your hair, curls soft in his hand, and yanks hard.

“the fuck did i say earlier?”

goosebumps travel down your arms as a different kind of awareness and clarity surges through you quickly. you blink at your reflection, watching the way he towers over you, his muscles hard and defined — sculpted from years of training and dedication to honing his skills. it hits you then, what he’s really asking you.

“to,” you swallow thickly, throat dry, “to keep my eyes on you always.” you say it all in one breath, gasping when he runs his tongue along the curve of your ear. you don’t know how much more you can take, but you know if you complain, if you say anything he might stop altogether.

renji’s smile is wicked and dark, his lips graze your earlobe, voice deep and gravelly, a huskiness that wasn’t there before as he thrusts into you, burying his cock deeply.

“good girl.”

he refrains from kissing you properly, instead pushing you down so you can lean over the counter again. your mind melts from it all, and you’re panting, heart beating faster and faster as he firmly places a hand on your back.

“you’re squeezing me so tight,” he remarks thoughtfully, although you note the slight strain in his voice; as much as he tries to act like he’s not that affected by you, you know that isn’t the case at all. your pussy is every bit as enticing and heavenly as he knew it would be; he pulls back and slams his cock into you all over again, filling you completely. you try to keep watching him in the mirror, but he’s fucking you like he’s angry with himself for being so attracted to you.

and he absolutely is. it’s a truth he fought against for so long that he’s given up on denying it now. your moans drip onto his skin like caramel, sticky and sweet, and when you say his name like that — your voice going higher and higher from the ferocity of his thrusts — he nearly loses his mind.

“fuck,” he says out loud, grabbing your hip roughly, your wetness coating the length of his cock, “you’re taking me so well.” he knows you can’t really answer him, and he likes that; you’re beyond caring at this point, instead focusing on the way his cock reaches a spot that has you bouncing your ass and fucking yourself against him. normally, renji would play around and edge you in retaliation, but he’s too far gone, completely under the spell of your pretty pussy, with how soft and tight it is.

you’re not sure how you got here, but you’re drowning in ecstasy right now. he instructs you to lift your leg to rest it onto the counter, pulling out momentarily to help you position and spread your legs further apart. he plunges his cock into you again, keeping his hips closer as he gives you shorter, frenzied thrusts. your head spins and you can’t think straight, but that doesn’t matter. all you care about is the way renji is angling his hips, rolling them forward to pound into your cunt roughly, balls heavy as they smack against your ass.

“oh, oh, oh.” you swear your life flashes before your eyes, because something possesses him, his strokes shorter, brutal, and frenetic. drool slides down your chin, your voice hoarse from how loud you’ve been. you’re sure someone’s heard you by now, but you don’t care.

how can you?

with renji fucking you like this — merciless and possessive, fingers brusing your skin, almost as if he wants to make sure you’ll be as obsessed with him as he is with you — your common decency, your morals, everything that makes you you, they don’t exist.

all that’s left is this burning desire to let him have his way with you for as long as he wants. thankfully, you have enough sense to not admit that out loud; who knows what kind smugness you’ll be subjected to if renji knew.

but you’re pretty damn transparent about it, he can tell from the way you can’t stop clenching your pussy around his cock, from how your pussy makes loud, lewd squelching noises — ones that he’ll commit to memory so he can revisit them from time to time.

tears roll down your cheeks and you sob as you hold onto the counter as best as you can, back arching, hips rocking against him with a neediness you never knew you had. there’s a tightening in your stomach and your pulse skyrocketing as a flash of white practically blinds you. he watches the way your pussy keeps swallowing the length of his cock, and you finally fall over the edge, orgasm suffocating you with its intensity.

your cunt flutters around him, gummy walls soft and hypnotic, an addiction he never thought he’d have; breathing heavily, his muscles tense and renji groans something that suspiciously sounds like your name. the thought alone makes your face burn and warms your chest in a way that doesn’t make sense. and when he finally cums, he humps into you, cum thick and hot as it spills inside your pussy, mixing with your slick wetness. a completely messy affair, but he doesn’t care — it’s not his bathroom, after all.

legs trembling, you’re limp and incapable of movement, whimpering and whining until he finally pulls out of you.

renji runs a hand down his face, feeling spent but more than satisfied. suddenly his shoulders aren’t so tight and tense, and his mood is much more tolerable. you do your best to stand but almost fall — your legs are useless, turned to jelly because of the man behind you. he chuckles at that, then clears his throat once he realizes. he fully expected there to be a moment of awkwardness after, but it never comes. when he sees your face — lips bruised and swollen, face flushed, eyes glazed with a faraway look — he feels compelled to kiss you again. so, he does. it’s not sweet, nor is it tender, but it still makes your heart swell all the same. he holds you close as you wrap your arms around his neck, doing your best to keep standing, even though your legs are ready to give out.

you don’t know exactly what any of this means, but you do understand him a bit better now. he’s terrible with expressing himself, but you kind of like that about him; and maybe this isn’t the healthiest relationship, but life was uncertain and you’d take renji fucking you like it’s his last day alive over him openly hating you any day.

105 notes · View notes

submarinerwrites · 23 days ago

Text

c.s. lewis, the four loves

★★★☆☆

in the four loves, lewis seeks to “describe and define” the nature of love as it relates principally to christ. the book is based off of a 1958 radio program, and it’s divided into (perhaps surprisingly) five chapters: non-human loves, affection, friendship, eros, and charity.

i recall reading the screwtape letters back in 2021, and finding that it reignited my sense of christ at a time when that sense had really been dulled. when i found the four loves at my local used bookstore a few months ago, i needed to buy it and therefore paid far too much (seven whole dollars how can they ask that for a one hundred and sixty page USED book) to have my own copy.

truthfully, i did not begin enjoying the book until the last two chapters. the first chapter, non-human loves, was perhaps to me the most distasteful, due to lewis’s approach to nature and patriotism. i disagreed with the notion that nature has nothing to teach us—mostly because my belief in dialectical materialism means that i DO think nature has a lot to teach us—and i disliked even more the idea that patriotism has much, if anything, to recommend it. enough said.

affection was mostly a boring chapter. one thing i will say is that lewis has a way of making even deeply uninteresting ideas sound incredibly compelling. there were some absolutely off-the-chain good lines in this chapter, but very little content imo.

chapter three on friendship was perhaps more interesting. a lot of what lewis says regarding friendships between men and women is very dated, even for the late 1950s, and i didn’t necessarily appreciate that. i enjoyed what he had to say about friendship as something that reveals the beauty of mankind.

i should note that the friendship chapter also has a several-pages-long diatribe on why male friendship isn’t secretly homosexual. which okay. but then immediately afterwards he compares friendship to the smoking club in the famously heterosexual herman melville’s famously heterosexual novel typee. like. dude. the homoerotic subtext was obvious in the nineteenth century why did you think that was an appropriate example to prove how NOT homosexual male friendship is.

actually that’s something else i want to talk about. the examples lewis uses to explain each type of love are probably seventy percent literary, rather than biblical. idk man i know you’re a professor of literature but when i pick up a theology book i’m looking for biblical interpretation and exegesis. many missed opportunities methinks. especially wrt to friendship, where he could have talked about saint peter and his betrayal of christ at an absolute MINIMUM.

okay that’s probably all my complaining out of the way. there were parts of this book that i adored beyond belief: parts that struck at the very core of me. honestly i think reading just the last two chapters is sufficient—i’d consider skipping the first half of the book.

in the opening of his chapter on eros, lewis discusses sex frankly and beautifully. i don’t really want to try to paraphrase it; he describes desire and the act of love with an incredible precision that i really enjoyed. he also talks about the need not to take sex so seriously, which is something i agree with intensely; he reminds us that lovemaking is deeply undignified, that laughter and levity have a place in the bedroom, and that our bodies are absurd and love to betray us.

and this quote: “pleasure, pushed to its extreme, shatters us like pain. the longing for a union which only the flesh can mediate while the flesh, our mutually excluding bodies, renders it forever unattainable, can have the grandeur of a metaphysical pursuit. amorousness as well as grief can being tears to the eyes.” like that bodied me. what the fuck clive.

also really enjoyed how he discussed the idea that sex has the element of ritual to it. to lewis, there’s this idea of playacting pagan roles of dominance and submission through sex, which he links to the idea that nudity is not a natural state. instead, nakedness is to him a kind of universal costume that destroys the individual identity, much like an actual, symbolic mask does. i liked this in connection with the idea that sex is a kind of destructive force.

lewis also describes marriage itself as a trial that can be failed. i loved the gravity which he attached to the act: he reminds us of the part of ephesians where fake-paul writes that christ-as-bridegroom gives his life for his wife, the church. that’s how profoundly he views marriage. the chrism comes in the sufferings, not the joys. he reminds us that we have to work to keep the promises of love even when that romantic love isn’t present. again, marriage as a trial which can be failed. catch me sobbing on the floor.

this leads us to the last chapter, charity, a chapter which made me want to walk straight into the ocean. he talks briefly about saint augustine’s confessions, a passage which i actually specifically remember reading as a sophomore in college lol. i remember thinking it was sad but not being able to fully express why. lewis does, perfectly. augustine reflects on losing a friend, and draws the conclusion that he ought not to love anything but god. lewis writes:

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin or your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell... Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness... We shall draw nearer God not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if he chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.

HOLY SHIT. when i tell you those paragraphs had me on the floor.

i honestly think that might be where i end this review. lewis also has a lot to say about grace that i enjoyed—specifically the idea that love happens essentially in spite of who we are, while grace, which does not depend on what any of us are, opens us to loving and being loved more completely—but none of it ripped me open the way that quote did.

i thoroughly enjoyed the final two chapters of the four loves, but i really could have done without the first parts. in some ways they felt like they’d been pasted in front of the last two chapters to add context, not necessarily because lewis thought they truly added meaning. the potency of those final chapters is really what redeemed the book in my eyes.

#love #literature #theology #br2024

0 notes