#idk just feeling very thankful for this community
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
tumblr is great bc i’ll see people reblogging my posts like “i don’t ship sonadow but this is good” and i get a little happier bc it’s not someone on twitter going “ew sonadow sucks” like damn i think this is the only place i’ve seen interactions where people not interested in each other’s fandoms are chill about it and even supportive it’s crazy
#para normal talks#idk just feeling very thankful for this community#i love all you freaks sm 💖💖#ALSO merry christmas and happy holidays and stuff!!!
214 notes
·
View notes
Text
Papaya Rules | Oscar Piastri x Driver! Reader
Summary: From on-track rivals to reluctant teammates, the trauma of team orders issued by Mclaren bond you and Oscar in a way you never expected.
Warnings: mentions of papaya rules, swearing
Requested: Yes by @1800-love-me (a while ago. oops)
F1 Masterlist
━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━
2023
f1 posted a new story
itsyn_ln replied and that’s community service for piastri → f1 girl, aren’t you supposed to be in the media pen → itsyn_ln five more minutes → i’m in no rush
mclaren replied no time to explain but we need you to delete this before oscar sees → we need them to get along
━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━
mclaren just posted
liked by landonorris, jackdoohan and others
mclaren breaking news mclaren f1 racing is pleased to announce that yn ln will be joining the team in 2024, alongside oscar piastri, on a multi-year contract. we cannot wait to see what she can achieve with us
33,814 comments
itsyn_ln thank you for this opportunity! now i need to figure out how to make orange look good on me
→ mclaren everything looks good on you
username1 wait, what? she’s oscar’s public enemy #1 and now she’ll be his teammate?
oscarpiastri and this is how i find out?
→ mclaren we didn’t want to give you a chance to protest
→ pierregasly i knew before oscar did? ha!
→ oscarpiastri don’t make me still target the pink car next year
→ itsyn_ln i’m feeling unwanted
jackdoohan @/itsyn_ln thanks for the seat
→ itsyn_ln i hope i kept it warm for you!
username2 poor osc is going to have to learn to manage this oddness
→ username3 poor osc is probably more focused on having to learn not to strangle her
alpinef1team losing another driver to the sinister evil and orange team
→ itsyn_ln at least you’ll miss me. i’m starting to think pierre lied when he said he would
→ pierregasly of course i did. you were staring straight at me without blinking
username4 don’t get me wrong, i can’t wait to see yn in a better car but i fear this was poor planning on mclaren’s part. they’re going to struggle with managing their drivers
landonorris i’m sorry, osco. i didn’t know me leaving was going to lead to this
→ oscarpiastri you’re not forgiven.
username5 i fear mclaren are not going to have the dream team they were expecting
→ username6 they need to prepare to see both papaya cars dnf’ing all the time next year
username7 i need that jacket!
→ mclaren all yn merch coming soon!
→ username8 they move fast. they’ve already got her in papaya and prepared to release her papaya merch
━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━
2024
mclaren just posted
liked by patriciooward, gabrielbortoleto_ and others
mclaren and it’s a papaya 1-2 what a race! a phenomenal display of teamwork from oscar and yn
55,098 comments
username9 wtf was that
username10 i can’t decide which one of them was robbed more
username11 so they want them to become friends but then force them to concede wins???
username12 i never want to hear the phrase ‘papaya rules’ again. idk what it means but i know it was shit
username13 the fact that neither of them have interacted with this post shows that they’re not happy with their 1-2
username14 you guys need to chill. they were coming under fire from max, and yn was faster. oscar was holding her up and if they hadn’t have switched, max could’ve had them both
→ username15 there was two laps left. i’m sure they could’ve managed it
→ username14 did you not see all the purple sectors max was setting
username16 i hope oscar doesn’t blame yn for this
username17 unrelated but i love how much shorter yn is than osc in this pic. they’re so cute
→ username18 they’re mortal enemies. don’t start romanticising them
→ username19 they are so enemies to lovers coded
━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━
oscarpiastri just posted
liked by itsyn_ln, arthur_leclerc and others
oscarpiastri enjoying a week off
44,287 comments
mclaren does this mean we’re friends again
→ oscarpiastri not yet
username1 mr piastri, sir, um, is that a WOMAN?
username2 look, it’s very nice to see that you’re alive and well but we no longer care about that because who is that in the last pic?!
charles_leclerc son, you didn’t tell me about this
landonorris a new teammate and a new partner. i see i’m being fully replaced
→ oscarpiastri don’t fuel the rumours about us
username3 oh so this is why twitter is freaking out
username4 the linked hands
username5 yn liked this? are they friends now??
itsyn_ln just posted
liked by mclaren, landonorris and others
itsyn_ln my boyfriend just won a grand prix, bitches!
73,220 comments
pierregasly was this meant to be posted on the burner account??
→ itsyn_ln oh shit
→ oscarpiastri oh, sweetheart
→ charles_leclerc and everyone thought i would tell!
itsyn_ln well, no point deleting it now. enjoy
→ username6 yn and oscar are dating?!!?
→ username7 and he calls her sweetheart?!?!?
username8 no one understands how precious these two are to me
username9 enemies to lovers come true
username10 these two were written by a wattpad user
alpinef1team sometimes we think we miss you and then you do stuff like this
→ mclaren sure you don’t want her back
→ username11 noooo don’t take our papaya partners away from us
username12 i’ve only had ynoscar for five minutes but if anything happens to them, i will kill everyone
username13 they said i was crazy but i knew! i knew there was passion between their feud
landonorris and you did so good to not kiss him in front of the cameras
→ oscarpiastri she’s more annoyed that now she shouldn’t have bothered
→ itsyn_ln want to smooch you for the world to see
━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━
requests open
coming soon; max taste part 3 and franco x driver! reader
#formula 1#f1#formula one#formula 1 smau#f1 smau#formula 1 social media au#f1 social media au#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 headcanon#formula 1 one shot#formula 1 fluff#formula 1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 headcanon#f1 drabble#f1 one shot#f1 fluff#f1 x reader#formula one imagine#formula one drabble#formula one fluff#formula one x reader#oscar piastri#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri one shot#oscar piastri fluff#oscar piastri smau#oscar piastri x reader
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Hi, a bit late but joining in on the @alliwantforchristmasislou project 🫶
I decided to donate to a polish organisation called the stonewall group (which is why the pic is in polish lol)
chose this one just because im the most familiar with this one, and they do amazing work in support of lgbt+ people and fighting for our rights in this... not so queer-friendly country 🫶
now, ive been in the 911 fandom for almost 4 years now (gonna be 4 in i think February), and i only started after the episode Buck actually bc it was allll over my dash. i binged the whole show in a week, before the next episode is even aired, I loved it SO much.
as most of y'all know, I initially shipped buddie - it was the big ship, ofc i did, i wrote so much fic for them and i had so much fun and met so many moots i still love seeing on my dash 🫶❤️ but it might've been obvious (or not, idk) i was kinda getting bored and losing enjoyment, more and more of my fics and snippets were focusing on other characters with buck or eddie, i wasnt really as into it anymore - but i still loved it and wanted to enjoy it (which ironically was killed dead later on by the buddie fandom itself lmao)
and then came bucktommy and everything changed. initially i tried not to give in but within a few days i had two fics and more ideas lol they completely took over my thoughts. ive never been this inspired to write, to create, I even learned how to make gifs for them (with lots of help from amazing talented friends 🫶🤣) during fall and winter I always get so depressed and sad and having very dark and depressing thoughts (last year my buck driving fic was a result of that lol), and its so hard to find motivation to do anything, even write. but this year, even tho I had a lil crisis moment, i wrote through it and im as inspired as always - i havent stopped writing since april. they're literally the most inspiring ship ever - and fun fact, usually i prefer writing about fanon ships, so this was a huge change and surprise
I always related to buck a lot, and especially once we got his bisexuality canon - checking out and appreciating hot people of the same sex and not realizing what it means is too real lol - and Tommy is so compelling and theres so much potential for so many stories there, I wish the show would do something interesting with him 😭 despite being so confident and cool, he feels like he's holding back some sad, maybe (probably) traumatic backstory that could be so good and interesting - and lou is such a good actor and itd be amazing to see more from him in this role
they wrote tommy as the perfect love interest for buck, and it was amazing to see it on screen, it was such a breath of fresh air to see this kind of queer representation on a network show, it was so gentle and adorable, and they initially handled it with so much care, and id love to see where they'd go from there 😭 the break up broke my heart not only because it happened, but because it felt ooc and abrupt and not at all like that's where the story was going. wish they'd fix it and give us tommy back 😭🙏
and lastly but most importantly - thanks to bucktommy, i met so many amazing friends ❤️😭 even when I was writing fics and interacting with mutuals on here, i was never really talking to a lot of mutuals, not for longer than a few messages, and now i got this wonderful community that i feel so comfortable in, everyone is so nice and friendly, and I love y'all so much, this is the best fandom experience ive ever had ❤️
thank you all, ive been having so much fun since april, i love y'all. here's to more bucktommy in 2025 ❤️
#alliwantforchristmasislou#bucktommy#bucktommy nation#this post got long lmao i hope its not too chaotic and rambly 🤣
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
ʟᴇᴛ'ꜱ ɢᴏ ᴘᴀɪɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴡɴ ᴏɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴀʏ ʜᴏᴍᴇ,
ᴛʜᴇ ʙʟɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ʟɪɢʜᴛꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ ʙᴏɴᴇꜱ
#tmnt 2007#casey jones#raphael hamato#rasey#thank you to everyone who voted the lyrics for the caption#I love doing little things like that it makes posting feel more like a community#also using this to try out an art signature for the first time…it’s took just over 3 years but#the turts day posts are doing very well and someone mentioned making a video so it seemed time to sign stuff#I watched 2007 last week and I bought the dvd from my friend#I really love this movie and it’s concepts and idk if it’s because they’re 20+ and I’m in my teweties#or because the Rasey content in this movie is the best canon rasey rep we have BUT I had to draw them#April definitely knows what’s up with these two but she’s not going to tell anyone#and I love what they have lmao#this was a play with lighting exorcise and I found some great music to listen to while I did it and i I#I just wish I had the energy and time to draw more of these guys fully rendered#this is meant to be when they first meet up for the night#you can decide who’s saying what and weather ralhs lifting the mask up or about to pull it down#oh oh also shout out to Helen who is a lovely catholic lady who saw me do this in public and was very supportive and understanding#also listen I know this is like the other 2007 one I did back in March but idc#there just isn’t enough of these guys I want them to f*ck on roof tops and fire escapes#and ride motorcycles obnoxiously out in public and beat people up in the most sadistic way possible#I want them to drink on Aprils couch together#I want them to offload their mental health issues to eachother in supportive healthy ways#I want them to do it in unhealthy ways where Casey shouts at ralh for making him think he was bedridden for 2 years#I want the#to talk about boring adult things and rediscover silly things they did as teens#idk i hate how aprils main role in the film is trying tk change whk casey is thats not a healthy relationship dont romanticise it
109 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#(huge relieved sigh)#I'm emotional over the little community that I get to participate in here#been on Tumblr over 10 years#been in multiple fandoms that I've made content for#and this is the first time I've experienced this level of interaction and community#first time I've had mutuals and had that actually mean something#I'm still terrified of unknowingly doing something rude or wrong or annoying (which is why I struggle so much to tag people) but#idk I'm starting to feel braver#I'm actually getting emotional thinking about it#sorry I'm just#maybe rereading symphony and noticing how lonely Violist-chan is has got me focused on how lonely I am too#and yeah it's not like I'm anyone's actual friend on here but just being able to interact and participate and be welcomed is...#idk#there's this gnawing ache in my chest all the time but this little community brings me sparks of joy that I haven't felt in a long time#sorry ignore me I'm just#i don't know#I'm trying to express my gratitude but I'm not doing a very good job#if anyone actually reads this just know I'm trying to say thank you for being nice and for letting me be feral over turtles with you#and i hope you're all having a good day
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
just wanna say thank you guys for interacting and being apart of this lil community on here ily guys <3
#feel sentimental#had slightly rough day on myself#my period is coming#but I do feel very thankful for you all n this space🫶#it’s meant a lot to me since being here early december ish??? crazy#but idk im just happy to be here and apart of the community and this is a safe place yk so🫶#to more nice times🫶#kit talks
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Future Game Jam Idea I want to make happen
Putting this on my Tumblr instead of just my Twitter because I never pay attention to Twitter so I forgot about this idea BUT
During my Year in Review it made me realize part of the reason why I don't interact with the community as much as I'd like is that it doesn't really feel easy to break in, in a way that feels comfortable with interacting with others. I think the rise of so many communities being so heavily focused around Discord makes it super unfriendly to some people as well (I'm in the Indie Otome Discord now, however it took since 2022 to take that step to join any type of server due to my Schizoeffective Disorder/paranoia making Discord really scary asfjdlkafjl) and it just made me think.
What if there was a game jam whose whole point was to help with the anxiety of making a game/interacting with the community? Rambling thoughts below:
Placeholder name and subtitle: The No Stakes Game Jam (The jam to help you find friends and community)
One of the things I learned through doing three game jams last year, is that it's so much less daunting to comment on a game when it's expected of me vs commenting on a game when it isn't. It's so silly I know, as a game dev I love when people comment idc if I know them or not. But I think since I'm /also/ a developer it makes me overthinking it really bad. But you know. Life hack: you can't overthink commenting when it's expected of you-
Like there could be a requirement of like "You have to comment on at least one other game or else your entry will be removed" or something, and then there could be like a Bingo card with extra challenges if participants wanted to.
I was also thinking of using the discussion board to share resources to manage anxiety/mental health (since game jams can be stressful even for people who don't struggle with the community/socializing part) as well as posting maybe a check in or two throughout the jam depending on how long I run it.
There could also be two version of it:
Non-ranked for those that just want to try engaging more with other game devs and
And a ranked version specifically made for those anxious about critiques/reviews/etc both in giving and receiving and would have posts and resources to help manage anxiety around the topic, as well as general advice on how to learn to critique and how to manage getting feedback as well
The Non ranked version would happen first so that way people could transition from there to the ranked version after (obviously people can just do one or the other).
Anyway, this is just coming from someone with severe paranoia around internet spaces and is trying to think of ways to make it easier for others. If you've read through all this, thank you! And if you like the idea/have thoughts feel free to add on or share! I actually really want to make this happen at some point if I'm able to!
#game jam#indie games#game development#visual novel#idk this might be a weird idea since it's a little less about the game and more about forming a community around making a game#in a way that might be easier for people but there will still be a bit of focus on just the nerves of making a game as well#and it should hopefully feel super beginner friendly#like I remember posting my first game I wanted to perish asfljkda#and sometimes Determination or something isn't enough to beat the Mental Illness ya know?#anyways I'm rambling thanks for tuning in#also the indie otome discord is great my brain is just on fire#very much a me problem
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
JUST RECEIVED SOME OF THE NICEST AND MOST THOUGHTFUL AND DEEPLY IMPACTFUL FEEDBACK ON MY WRITING I’VE EVER GOTTEN I’M SO EMOTIONAL OH MY FUCKING GOD
#pointy objects#HAVE NEVER MEANT ‘CRYING AND THROWING UP INTO MY HANDS’ MORE THAN I DO IN THIS MOMENT#pointy objects has amassed so many kind lovely readers and like i say ‘pointy objects nation’ as a joke but genuinely . so so so so so#thabkful and grateful and awed constantly by the little community that’s developed around jt. ive gotten very lucky that this happened#first with jump and now with pointy objects and it just Makes me so emotional and sappy and just really makes me feel good#i love writing its what i want to do forever and ever whether it be fanfic or original fiction and like. i recognize i am a talented writer#despite my own hashtag Insecurities but when people are like Can i commission you or Can i buy a physical copy or Can i financially support#you for yohr writing because it deserves it alongside the feedback im much more used to even if im still left speechless by#idk. it makes my heart feel warm. makes it hard not to smile.#there will definitely be (at least privately made and distributed) pointy objects hard copies and ill post commission info One day and#maybe even make a k0fi even though that sounds crazy like WHAT ⁉️⁉️⁉️ but for now i am just very thankful. sobs into my hands forever and ev
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
ppl who only conditionally care about child abuse based on whether the victim makes them uncomfy while they're being abused contribute to a real life child's abuse by sending hate asks regularly, attempting to gaslight them, calling them terrible names, accusing them of terrible things, telling them directly how much they hate the characters the child relates to and enjoys talking about, and being generally racist and ableist in a way that seriously might have scarred me for life, making a literal teenager hate their hobbies, favorite shows, and the people who enjoy those things, and ultimately cyberbullying a child out of multiple fandoms because they don't want to think critically or acknowledge their own faults, all while being 35 and really embarrassing themselves because someone half their age has a better grasp on the concept of nuance than them: more at 6
but noooo, y'all "love neurodivergent/disabled people," have "racists/ableists DNI" in your bios, and don't say slurs, which is all you have to do to not be racist/ableist, so *I'm* some psycho black bitch and you're a wittle angel like the fictional character you infantilize
(P.S. I swear to fucking god if people respond to this post with "but he sexually assaulted someone" and ignore literally every other personality trait/experience he had that could've been relatable to a child abuse survivor and the way people mistreated me, a real human being, which Charlie is not by the way, I will start doing the things you wanted to do to Ben)
#heartstopper#young royals#ben hope#sara eriksson#<- the main people that are hated so much people will bully kids about it#yes i'm tagging. bc what the fuck is wrong with y'all#i had a more angry one. the ps is a sample from that. but having emotions is kind of cringe and embarrassing#basically uncovering memories about my indi-glo era#is very similar to uncovering memories about the child abuse some people here think i didn't go through at all#because i sympathized with a fellow victim! it's like being abused by my abusers but liberal edition#so i would just like to say you deserve the angry version#i hope you reflect and grow or whatever. that is my brand. BUT#y'all are fragile. and shallow. and you should try actually learning things about a group before you call yourself an ally of any group#this does include groups you are a part of. i'm telling you right now you're not getting it#if you feel so comfortable attacking disabled Black children when they point out ableism and racism in a show you like#and your first/only response is to dismiss ignore and attack them#i would recommend you learn something instead. you desperately need it#thanks for teaching me what racist idiots white people can be and what a fringe case i am in the pop disability community ig#anyways idk if this is self-centered to ask but if anyone who follows this blog would want to take ownership of it#in the event that i decide to blow this popsicle stand pls dm me
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.
the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.
and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.
when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.
i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.
i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!
because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?
in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.
like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.
i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.
and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.
i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.
i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.
i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.
but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.
that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.
#tales from diana#long post#sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness#and idk. im tired. im so tired#do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not#thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation#not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again#that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para#i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth#i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to#'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on#the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god#i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him#like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do#earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said#that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild#my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak#like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior#i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task#and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did#i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly#like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW#that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer#a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively#that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#fearandhatred#on the canvas syllabus for one of my modules our ta included pre-tutorial instructions to form groups and bring an item to share#but the thing is i have no way of reaching any of my tutorial classmates because i don't even know who the hell they are#and i missed the first tutorial which was on zoom anyway so like. useless#also we haven't had a face to face lecture in the past two weeks. the first time was because of chinese new year#but the second time our professor didn't even give a reason so like what the fuck#anyway i don't think it's that big of a deal because this isn't like a graded presentation just class participation at most#but idk whether the rest of my classmates have already formed groups if they know each other (none of my friends are taking this module)#so yeah i have been mildly nauseous for the past 2 days because of this. thanks prof#anyway the tutorial is today! in 12 hours. we will see how it goes. maybe i'll just derealise and then i won't feel anything <3#not giving af is not going well#hell week lol. goodnight#actually no fuck you there's a reason no other professor has ever done this and why it's always pre-allocated groups at the very least#how do you expect communication between students from like 500 different majors with no actual main communication channel#that is not how it works in our college bro i'm about to start insulting you in malay i'm so serious. bodoh
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
8, 12, 14, 19 for the end of year selfship ask game :] !! (@kiawren)
hiiiii tysm for the ask :] sorry on answering so late tho
ask game here :]
8. in which ways did your F/O(s)/selfshipping help you this year?
i dont have much of a memory of that unfortunately ^^;; + this years been very chaotic & mentally draining for me personally... but if i have to say i think what really helped me this year via selfshipping is falling back into old fandoms i used to enjoy & love!
srry this answer isnt like the best tho </3
12. if you have spotify wrapped, were there any songs related to your F/O(s)/selfships in your top 100? if you don't, were there any songs you listened to a lot this year because they remind you of your F/O(s)?
this is such a SILLY QUESTION TO ME HEJPL. but most of which were of ben because i was like so focused on him for a bit lol. the main song on my wrap was cybernetic entities / madame macabre which is just basically a fan song dedicated to him and i love it sm
i can talk so much about songs here because its all i ever talk about but another is artichoke / yumi <- this one just gives me dave vibes its so silly and stupid ok (it also makes me think its something hed totally do for shits and giggles)
theres more songs that are related to those two on my wrap funnily enough but wed be here all day
14. did you find out anything new and surprising about yourself through selfshipping this year?
honestly. i think learning that i just go "i hate f/o sm" is just my way on saying "i f/o sm" so idk if thats something to learn about. but if you want a genuine real answer: i dont like being very public about my affection for my f/os i much rather keep it at a downlow.
19. has your general outlook on/relationship with selfshipping changed over the year in any way?
ok this answer might actually be quite long because im just gonna go on a whim to say i have a hate/love relationship with selfshipping.
i used to be super happy to openly selfship with characters that i love so very much and was excited to talk about it. but then shit happened that made me question it so i started to hate on it a lot because it made me visibly upset and i wanted to deactivate this blog a lot.
i felt really off and unsure how to approach it for the longest and i still dont know how to approach selfshipping even if its the only thing that makes me feel happy i guess.
the entire year in general just made me realise its 50/50 to me. like sure i do enjoy it and i think its fun, but i also hate the fact that i question myself so much about it. that i just dont go on here anymore because of it.
#the last question is... a lot yeah. sorry.#im still iffy with selfshipping now but its gotten a lot better as the months went on#i also think just not participating with the community for a while really helped me#idk if selfshipping is getting to you and making your mental health worse or something...#its a good idea to take a break from it and come back when you feel you are ready to engage in it again#haha sorry on adding on to that#but seriously thanks for the ask :]#i just have a very hazy memory but it was fun answering <3#asks <3
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just to say!!! Anyone who has sent an ask!!! I swear I have got it and I’m not ignoring you I’m just taking a stupidly long time to answer them but I have them!!! And I’m holding on to them!!! Like a golden retriever with an egg!!!
ALSO ALSO!!! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone on here because it’s such a nice place to be. Anyone that has interacted with me, sent asks, sent a dm, followed, replied to my dms or asks, not blocked me when I’ve gone overboard in the tags, not blocked me because of inane shit posting. Just thank you!! Everyone is genuinely so nice and easy to be around and I don’t think any of you appreciate yourselves enough. I have never been an active member in fandom before and that’s all changed because of how Kind and Funny and Supportive you all are!! And not only that!! You are all so Skilled in your creativity! You can see the fun you are all having with it!! And the friends people are making! I just!!!! Am glad to witness it all so Thank You. And I hope you continue to enjoy yourselves in this community
#I am very very lucky that I have received asks. I know this. and I just want to say thank you#I am very lucky that ANYONE interacts with me#we all look for community and maybe we feel lonely sometimes#maybe we see other people talk about discords and group chats and dms or whatever it might be for you#but I promise!!! you are not alone!!! people DO want to talk to you#it’s just scary making that first message but sometimes the Friend Crush#(or non platonic crush hey that’s cool too we are on tumbkr. I’ve seen mutuals get married I’m not joking)#-anyway sometimes the crush is so LOUD and THERE that you can’t HELP yourself and the Madness takes over#and you message and it ends up being a fun exchange!!!#I hope everyone talks to their (friend) crushes. you deserve it#idk man just thank you#I’m clawing my way out imposter syndrome in work/fandom/life so I’m going to be rambling#but I shall stop#hope you got to wear your favourite thing today be it clothing perfume or nothing at all#MWAH MWAH have a lovely day
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
:^T
#i dont know how normal people do this shjt bc i have nonody to talk to about things in my life#do people normally talk about sex w their friends ? is that something ppl do or is it weird ?#what do people do when something eventful has happened to them sex wise ? like does everyone just keep it to themselves ?#like idk do i seem like a sex addicted weirdo if i try to talk about it ??? im not shy about sex but i feel like everyone around me is#and idk if thats because im too oversharey or bc the ppl in my life dont see me as somenr they can share that kinds stuff w#not that i have many ppl to share it w in the first place :^T idk#anyway#i have aquired a lover 🤧 and hes so so so fucking hot idk how i pulled this off#compatability is also off the charts 😖 i shant be tmi but GOD#ive never been in this situation tho so im like ? a bit shy ? specifically that he is in a long distance open relationship#and theyre very communicative etc etc but#idk if hes like poly ? idk what im doing this is new for me#whatever#thanks tunbkr for being my diary 🫡 sorry to anyone reading this i litrrally have nobody to talk to lol#gommywords
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
Happy birthday!! 🫶🫶 I hope you’re having a good day :] I have a butterfly boy to give you for the occasion and I wasn’t sure how to send him so I figured I’ll just slap him in your inbox
He’s both a birthday gift and just a way to say I really appreciate you and your continued support :> it’s been wonderful having a friend who’s just as crazy insane about ants as me, but also one who always uplifts me and my work! I can’t think of another time I felt so accepted in a fandom and a lot of it is thanks to you 💕
Here’s your boy! He loves you very much <3
Raven you literally did not have to go this hard for this art!!!! I love it so much!!!!! 🥺😭💖💖💖 I almost started tearing up in public when I saw this sjjddk the caa fundamentally changed who I am as a person and it's just strange to me to see it so consistently highly rated but not seeing people talk about it constantly in the tags, so needless to say I'm ALSO super happy to have an ant friend 😭 ESPECIALLY someone who also has Thoughts on pouf since so many people didn't like him, he is just The Guy Ever to me and I'm so so glad you also see it,, must also say that the more I see meruem the funnier he gets, he is so point blank and blunt and the more he just Says Things the more I lose my mind jshdjfhd thank you so much for the boy I am setting him as my phone background as we speak, ants fully rewired my brain and I'm so glad to have someone else to talk about it with + I'm so glad to be a part of you feeling so accepted within the hxh fanbase 😭💕
As for my day, it was pretty good! I went to a state park and got to hang around outside and hike for a few hours, and it's REALLY making me wanna look more formally into a conservation career 😫 I nearly got rained out in the end but it was still a gorgeous day to head out!
#i feel like i wanna say so much more but idk how else to express my gratitude sjjdjdjd I'm just 🤝 ant friend!!!#communicating love for my friends by keysmashing and putting a bunch of heart emojis like yes this gets everything across jdjdjsj#also not hyperbole; it's not letting me save the image while I'm answering the ask but as soon as this posts im making him my phone bg 😤#i also how the text is the colors of the lesbian flag 👀 very pretty color combo lmaooo#all those small boys.. kissing each one on the top of the head.. i want to be disgustingly sweet and tender with this insect#he loves me? well i love him more 😤 idk if that's even possible bc this is pouf we're talking about but 👀#the ring on his finger does not elude me i see it 👀 👀 👀#i love all the work that went into his hair!! thank you so much again 😭💖💕#friend talk tag#he........ and that's all 😤#pouf spoofs#if i dont stop myself from talking here i literally won't stop ksjdkf
5 notes
·
View notes