#but I promise!!! you are not alone!!! people DO want to talk to you
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bathroom sex with eddie munson pls!
warnings: swearing, unprotected sex, public sex, descriptive sex, oral sex
word count: 1.1k
masterlist
You weren't sure you'd be able to pull it off, but when you finally convinced Eddie to come with you to your family reunion, you were ecstatic. You hated going to them; you always thought they were stupid and cheesy. But you knew this would be a perfect opportunity to introduce him to your whole family, saving you multiple occasions of meetings.
This year it was at your cousin's house in Carmel, Indiana, which was only about a forty minute drive. Eddie was so nervous to drive that you decided to do it, knowing the route better anyway.
"They're gonna love you."
"No, they're not."
"They're not like most people, y'know. They're not so judgmental."
"You say that."
"I know that. I promise they're gonna love you."
You could tell he still wasn't trusting of that, but you knew your family. And you knew they would love him.
But he mostly kept to himself or you. At one point, your aunt dragged you away to help set up some activity and he gave you a panicked look as you walked off.
When you came back to the table you'd left him at, he was gone. After asking around, you found him standing alone in a corner with a plastic cup full of some kind of soda.
You wrapped your arms around one of his and you could feel anxiety lift from his shoulders.
"Sorry," you said quietly. "She has the grip of an eagle. What are you doing over here?"
He shook his head. "Just standing." He dipped his head down a bit to kiss you.
You smirked at him for a moment, then looked around. When you saw that no one was looking, you grabbed the drink out of Eddie's hand and laid it on the bookshelf next to him.
"What are you-" You interrupted him by pulling him into the bathroom behind him. You locked the door behind you and leaned back against the door. "What are you doing?"
You just looked at him, putting on the face that he knew too well.
His eyes widened and he pointed at you. "I know what you're trying to do."
"What am I trying to do, exactly?" you asked coyly.
"Your family is right outside."
You were silent for a moment, and you could hear loud, muffled music begin to play through speakers all throughout the house.
"I dunno, I doubt they'd be able to even hear us talking."
"I don't wanna fuck up my first impression with your family."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just standing here." You adjusted your position so your hips pressed backwards against the door, accentuating your curves.
He stepped over to you slowly and stopped when he was only a couple of inches from your face.
"Oh, is that all you're doing?"
"All I'm doing."
He sighed teasingly, unable to hold back a smirk.
"You're such a tease."
He kissed you, his hands cupping your face. He kept you pushed against the door for a moment, not waiting long before pulling you by the face to the vanity. He scooped you up onto it and you leaned back against the mirror, his kisses following you.
You hiked your dress up to your hips and pulled your underwear to the side, Eddie crouching down and throwing your legs onto his shoulders. He immediately found your clit with his tongue and you gripped the edge of the sink, trying to be quiet even though the music outside was drowning out your voice.
Honestly, the fact that there were people — all of whom you were related to — that could hear you on the other side of the door was a bit of a turn on for you, and you weren't sure why.
Eddie seemed to be holding back a bit, and you knew why. Normally when he ate you out, he had you screaming just from that. He was incredible with his tongue, able to manipulate that sensitive little bud in ways not even you could. The combination of his tongue swirling and lips sucking was like the most intense vibrator ever, and it was all you wanted most of the time.
This orgasm wasn't even close to as intense as they normally were, because both of you knew that if they were, you'd get caught for sure. But it was still enough that you struggled to stay quiet.
"I don't have a condom with me," he whispered into your neck.
"S'alright." You leaned into his ear. "I wanted you to bust in me anyway."
He gulped at that, never fully getting used to hearing you dirty talk.
"You're disgusting," he joked. "Walking around your family reunion with my cum inside of you?"
"Mmm, yes please."
And with that, he was inside of you. His arms snaked under your knees and pressed them closer to your chest to allow himself to go deeper. He really filled you to your brim, and you didn't think you'd be able to take any more had he been even an inch bigger.
"Fuck, you feel so good, Eddie."
"Yeah?" he breathed. "How good?"
"So fucking good, Eddie. Fuck."
After a few more seconds, he pulled out of you and turned you around so you were facing the mirror.
"Look at yourself getting fucked."
You made eye contact with your reflection, seeing how lust-filled your eyes were. You felt him pull your loose hair into a ponytail with his fist, keeping a tight tension on your scalp. His other hand was on your shoulder, keeping you firmly in place where he wanted you.
You'd never done doggystyle with both of you standing. Usually you were on your knees on the edge of the bed and he was standing on the floor to keep better control, but this — your back arched, your head pulled slightly back, and your tits bouncing in the mirror — this was different.
It was better. Maybe you'd have to incorporate a mirror into sex every time from now on.
"Y/N, I'm already close."
"Already?" you moaned. "What, can't even last three minutes today?"
He yanked you back by your hair, your back flush against his chest. The hand in your hair was now around your neck, his other hand reaching down to finger you.
"Maybe I would if your whole family wasn't outside."
"Turning you on?"
He grunted and laughed as you moaned from the extra friction. It was literal seconds later that he had to clamp his hand on your mouth to keep you from screaming at your second orgasm.
And once it had ended, you felt his warm cum fill your hole, gushing out onto your thighs. That feeling alone could've made you cum again if he hadn't have stopped.
You both stood standing for a moment, your legs trembling slightly.
"Shit," he whispered, pressing kisses to your neck. When he pulled out, you felt cum dripping down your legs and you rushed over to the toilet, cleaning yourself up a bit. "Maybe we should fuck in public more."
#*#*fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction#smut#eddie munson#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson oneshot#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson smut#joseph quinn smut#joseph quinn fanfic#joseph quinn fanfiction#stranger things#stranger things fanfic#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things smut#stranger things imagine#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x reader smut
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L: I told you to leave me alone
R: I know Sir, but I'm your advisor and I (unfortunately) have to supervise you too.
Raymond sighed as he read the papers in his hands while following Leshy.
L: Do you think I need your supervision? I was doing just fine before you arrived. I'll continue to do so. Leave
R: I can't. We still need to go over a lot of things, we're far behind schedule to discuss real matters which is urgent, I need you to sign the agreement of imported goods from Anchor Deep and the people in the neglected villages are revo-
L: Fine! How many!?
R: Pardon?
L: How many papers, Raymond?
Leshy turned to him with a momentarily anger. To him, Raymond was simply, yapping.
R: Uh, about... 1, 2, 3...
He began counting, sounds of the paper coming to Leshy's ear.
R: 86 papers, sir.
L: Well good luck to you with that. Just copy my signature.
R: Wait, me? Sir I can't just decide on the matters of the whole kingdom!
L: Aren't you my "advisor"? That's your thing, to decide.
R: Yes, I give advice! I don't rule over a kingdom!
L: Too bad so damn sad, I don't feel like listening you talk about dumb problems I won't be paying attention to anyway.
Leshy chuckled a bit and walked towards his work room. Raymond followed right behind, a bit panicked by the king's nonchalant decision. Leshy closed the door behind him, Raymond nearly making it inside.
R: You can't just ignore it! I promise it won't take long... Don't you care about your people? They are suffering! They are doing their best but barely surviving with what you let them have! Not only that, you've added taxes when I was gone!
L: My people are doing fine. You're worrying too much for something so lame, Ray. If I'm really that shitty of a king, go on. Fill my "so important" papers. And I thought you were smart enough to think that.
Raymond rubbed his temples after setting the papers aside. He took a deep breath. Leshy just sat one of the comfortable chairs and leaned back.
R: (God, I prefer hell over trying to convince this man child to do anything) It won't be long before everything breaks down to chaos if you continue to neglect your duties, sir.
L: ...
R: Maybe the other crowns were right about you after all...
Leshy immediately got up and turned towards Raymond.
L: What did those old bastards say about me?
R: Just the usual sir.
He smiled. Good thing Leshy was, well, blind.
R: That you were too young and naive to understand how a kingdom works. The red crown even said he was surprised that you haven't got hunted by your people.
L: That... Grim faced cat! You know what!? I rule my kingdom just fine! I'm the best king out there! They wish they were me! I can rule their kingdoms along with mine if I wanted!
R: Yes sir. You could...
L: Read me the damn papers Raymond! I'm gonna finish these papers faster than any of those living corpses!
R: (Works every time)
___________________________
It was night time when they were able to finish all those papers. Raymond had lit a candle long time ago to read better and Leshy seemed to listen.
R: This is the last paper... It's, it's over
L: Finally, for fuck's sake...
The worm yawned and leaned back. Raymond put the papers in order and set aside, before leaning back like his King.
R: Sir your profanity.
L: Ray I'm too tired to care.
R: You're right... I should be too tired to ask.
L: What's the time?
R: The moon is up by a hand. It's too late.
L: You don't say.
The advisor yawned and drank a glass of water. The King on the other hand rubbed where his eyes should be. It was rare but, sometimes, his eyes would bleed again, his wounds so easy to tear open. The cat panicked at the sight, immediately his tiredness vanishing by worry that overtook.
R: You're bleeding!
L: Don't-
Leshy hissed at him when Raymond tried to touch his face so he backed away. Raymond looked at the blood with sadness for his King.
R: Does it... Does it still hurt? Does it hurt bad?
He asked with a shakey voice as he reached for Leshy's face again. Surprisingly, the short tempered king didn't pull back the second time. He leaned to the touch, to the feeling. Raymond's palm got bloodied as he wiped it.
L:Not anymore. Not like the way it used to...
R: It's good... I think. Is it just pitch black..?
L: People assume so. But no. My vision is my thoughts. I can see just, not in the way you'd expect
R: How so? How can you just- See?
The King chuckled at the advisor's weirded out question.
L: I already know what something looks like. I know colors, I know shapes, I know sounds, the materials, the feelings. And, if you know it like I do, it feels like your whole imagination is your sight.
R: That's... Not as bad as I thought
L: You think about going blind?
R: No, heh, of course not... I think about, how hard it must be for you.
L: You think about me? Now that just makes me shy~
R: My King-
Raymond gave a tired and short giggle as he blushed. Even though he hated his job, he didn't hate the worm necessarily.
L: What? Can I not be curious about why you think about me Ray?
R: With all due respect, that's not the point, sir. I work for you, it's natural that I worry for the one I'm working so close with.
L: And somehow I'm someone you must worry for? The levels you bring me down to.
R: You make it sound like everything is just fine! Is there really nothing bad about being blind?
L: There are bad sides of it of course
R: Like what?
Leshy smiled, putting his hands on top of Raymond's.
L: Knowing I'll never actually see you
AU8WUW8UQOAPAAJUDJDAAAAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HELLO???? THIS IS SO GOOD?!?!?!?!?! How dare you send me this awsome gift as an anon 😭😭😭 Thank you so much omg I didnt think such a simple drawing would inspire someone to write something like this!
THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
#ask#royal au ask#leshycat#leshy x yellow cat#not my writings but i dont want to lose this so#writings
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Love for Love's Sake: Bоnus Stаge (spoilers!!)
Love For Love's Sake (Love Supremacy Zone): bonus stagе is a short spin-off story from the author of the original novel, released in June 2024 (after the drama series). It's about 19yo Tae Myungha (from Game World) being transferred into the future and him slowly realizing how 29yo Myungha has been living happy 10 years with Cha Yeowoon and friends.
I promised to keep talking about it and thank you, guys, for enabling me xD Before translating bits from chapters, here's the full summary of everything that happened in this story – for those of you who are not that patient and don't fear spoilers :] I'll put them under more anyway so those who don't want to read the summary won't read them accidentally!
Warnings: suicidal intentions
Let me know your thoughts about this spinoff *д*
Love for Love's Sake: Bonus Stage (summary)
"If your life was a book, what would you want it be about?" "How would the first chapter begin and what sentence would be the last one?" "I wish it was about love."
19yo Myungha (so before canon timeline) is playing games in PC cafe. He doesn't really have money but wants to spend time so he wouldn't have to live it
On the crossroad, he sees a child running before the signal changes, and he jumps to save them but instead of getting hit, he feels like falling. He sees sunbae who pushes him. Message [World has been changed] appears.
Myungha finds himself in the arms of a handsome man who knows him - but he doesn't know this man. Myungha runs away but the man is faster.
[Mission: Make Tae Myungha happy.] [Reward: Memory] [Clear until (0%) ♥♥♥♥♥] [Penalty: Can't return to the original timeline]
Myungha is diagnosed with amnesia. He should be 29yo now, so he just goes along. Yeowoon decides to start over again and introduces himself.
Yeowoon and Myungha have been living together for 6 years and dating for 10 years. 19-Myungha is shocked to know this.
Ahn Sia, Kyunghoon and Sangwon immediately run to check whether Myungha is okay, 19-Myungha is shocked that people worry about him and they've been friends for 10 years.
Yeowoon asked if Myungha would hypothetically date him - just to make sure - but he still wouldn't let Sangwon in before others come (he's sooo jealous)
Sangwon finds younger Myungha a lot of fun, Yeowoon wants to fight with him. Others come, so they try to figure out what's happening.
29yo Myungha is a teacher respected by kids. The girl in his class wanted to kill herself so she went to the rooftop, Myungha ran after her but ended up falling down, and Yeowoon caught him (19-Myungha)
Sia is a shopping mall CEO and a popular influencer now, Kyunghoon does photography/filming professionally, Sangwon introduces himself as 'the one who Myungha rejected when he was 18yo'.
Everyone wants to have chicken and beer but 19-Myungha is a minor so they have chicken and cola and a group sleepover at Myungha/Yeowoon's house :]
Yeowoon tried to sleep with Myungha in one bed but eventually ran away to the living room, flustered.
They all decide to do a trip down the memory lane, since Myungha is "having amnesia".
Yeowoon is a gold medalist now, and many kids go to Shinyeop school now because he made it prestigious.
They visit old Yeowoon's house, and Yeowoon quietly tells him they had kissed here for the first time (on the stairs) 19-Myungha is flustered because he feels feelings that he doesn't know the source of. But he never had his first kiss, never thought about ideal type or love so he's can't stop thinking about it. He tried to take Yeowoon's hand but ran out of time.
After this trip, in the car Myungha clears 20% of his mission and sees flashbacks from the 10 passed years: how they were grilling meat at the rooftop, how they played at the sea.
Yeowoon went to the store to get ice cream, while Myungha and Sangwon were left alone waiting. Sangwon told 19-Myungha about precious memories with him (dogs!), how he was his first love and he kept regretting what if he made a different first impression on Myungha – and now he can.
So he asks for one more chance to start over but gets rejected because Yeowoon was faster once again. Sangwon accepts that his first love is finally over and walks away.
Yeowoon says he likes Myungha more anyway, but 19-Myungha doesn't know it so Yeowoon says he'll teach him. They go to amusement park (closed again) by the sea.
Myungha insists on going to the popular cafe, Yeowoon is hesitant but doesn't reveal the truth until Myungha meets his mom there. Yeowoon takes him away in a hurry as 19-Myungha wants to talk to her in anger. Myungha cries. He thinks if he didn't have Yeowoon next to him now, his mom's reaction would be his last straw.
Mission is cleared to 40%. 19-Myungha sees 18yo Yeowoon crying and being comforted by "him".
19-Myungha thinks the person Yeowoon fell in love with is nothing like him, so he runs away. Yeowoon catches up with him.
Suddenly, they meet his fans. 19-Myungha is confused to learn he's quite popular and has 100k followers on his YT channel where he's been posting vlogs for 10 years (Yeowoon made him do it). He's used to being widely hated as a Crazy Dog, and not widely loved.
19-Myungha doesn't want to restore memories because he doesn't want to return to his original timeline. But he also feels acutely that 29-Myungha is a very different person from him. So he openly tells Yeowoon about the game mission, and Yeowoon believes him.
They return home, and 19-Myungha notices that Yeowoon still cherishes him like they were new lovers and not 10yo couple that usually feels like a family. Yeowoon was testing his reaction to skinship. Myungha calls him to sleep and teases him for having dirty thoughts.
19-Myungha is scared to sleep because he fears to wake up from a good dream. Yeowoon comforts him, while Myungha teases again and asks whether he's going to kiss. Yeowoon responds he'll wait until Myungha does it himself, like the first time (I guess, it's a bit different from drama?)
In the morning, Myungha learns that his grandma is still alive in this timeline and is in the hospital with injured leg. He rushes there and cries a little seeing her alive. He pleads her to come live with them but the grandma is like 'wtf this kid gone insane'.
His memories are cleared until 60% and he remembers time spent with his grandma.
19-Myungha watches videos on "his" Youtube channel and he sees what kind of life 29-Myungha lived and what kind of person he was. He finds they weren't actually that different and he could become him. He sees how liked he was and what kind of person younger Yeowoon was too.
They go to get groceries, and suddenly 19-Myungha is surrounded by kids that claim he's their homeroom teacher. Yeowoon saves him from awkwardness, it seems like they don't know Yeowoon and Myungha are dating. The kids say that their entire class will always love their teacher Myungha, and 19-Myungha understands why he chose this job.
Mission is cleared until 80%. He sees flashbacks from teaching kids, he still keeps in touch with the ones that left. 19-Myungha starts to smile.
But he still doesn't want to go home, he's also scared that original Myungha comes back and he will disappear. He doesn't want to leave.
Yeowoon tells him he'll be waiting for him even if he goes back to his time. He tells him to return and find 18yo Yeowoon, because he exists there and he will definitely like and choose Myungha.
Myungha is overwhelmed with feelings and goes to kiss Yeowoon. This time he's the inexperienced one.
The timeline written down by Myungha: "First meeting at 19, first fight at 20, living together at 23, passing teacher's exam, Yeowoon breaking the world record, Myungha becoming homeroom teacher, having 5 anniversary trip".
Last 20% are still missing. He's waiting for Yeowoon to come home, he returns with the cake and flowers. It's their 10th anniversary today, so Yeowoon insists he still has to celebrate, despite the situation. Myungha feels bad that he always forgets about anniversaries.
Yeowoon proposes to Myungha. He gives him his wedding plan and prepared funds.
Myungha laughs (while Yeowoon is annoyed :D) and gets positive buff, as he falls in love. [Mission is cleared until 99.9%]. He witnesses more happy flashbacks.
Because it's legally difficult, Yeowoon still wants to get married. Myungha tells him if he proposes again in 10 years, he'll accept. And teases him for being in such a rush to speedrun the relationship.
He remembers all memories from 10 years of their life and love together, he tells Yeowoon 'of course' and finally decides to return home and meet Yeowoon in his own timeline.
But Myungha is scared because there's still 0.1% to fail. He remembers the sunbae who pushed him before the world has changed. He wonders who that was.
He sees himself talking with sunbae, who asks him what is happy life to Myungha and if his life was a book, what would it be about.
"If your life was a book, what would you want it be about?" Someone is asking next to me. "...love. I wish it was about love." I wished that this thing, which was so common that I could hear about it everywhere but have never really felt it, could exist in my life too. The sunbae smiled quietly. "I just decided on a title".
Sunbae tells Myungha that humans are made of stars and apologizes that he was so late. He asks him to live the way he wants to.
He pushes him again. Message [The world has been changed] appears.
29yo Myungha wakes up next to Yeowoon and immediately goes to hug him. He finally feels like his soul and body are perfectly aligned, and he remembers how lonely he was when he was 19.
He tells Yeowoon they'll go see stars on their honeymoon trip. But first, they want to take a trip to Taiwan and the grandma is bitter they're not taking her with them because she's convinced they're gonna secretly get married there. But Myungha and Yeowoon want to get married in Korea.
[Mission: Make Tae Myungha happy is completed with 100%]
29-Myungha goes to meet the girl in his class who he saved on the rooftop. They both talk about how they don't want to die anymore and they should never give up. The girl also says Yeowoon suits him well, and Myungha promises to invite her to their wedding.
[END OF THE GAME.]
[LOADING]
19yo Myungha gets back to his conscience on the street, as someone asks him if he's okay. He is surprised to see Yeowoon, while Yeowoon is displeased that Myungha knows his name since they never met before.
Yeowoon walks away, but Myungha starts running after him.
[ENTERING THE LOVE SUPREMACY ZONE]
That's it 🥺 Of course, there are many amazing and touching moments in the story itself but I wrote down the main points. Aren't they precious?!
Tag list: @pickletrip @bunni-bun @illuminutiae @kaleidoskuls @delesaria-blog @maybe-boys-do-love
#oops that ended up being longer than I thought AS EXPECTED#anyway I guess you don't have to read translation now but please do when I write about it cuz it's even more precious#love for love's sake#love for love's sake comments#love supremacy zone#lfls#lfls comments#myungha x yeowoon#kdrama#kbl#korean bl#dropthemeta#dropthemeta kbl#my works#translations#love for love's sake bonus stage
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Mrs. Sherlock Holmes (6)
Summary: Your marriage starts rocky.
Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Wife!Reader
Warnings: shy reader, fluff, protective/possessive Sherlock, smut, unprotected sex, angst, Mrs. Demeter being the worst as always
A/N: A collection of drabbles on how you became Mrs. Sherlock Holmes.
Mrs. Sherlock Holmes (5)
Mrs. Sherlock Holmes masterlist
Both of you couldn’t get enough of each other. After he plugged your flower, Sherlock didn’t hold back. Wherever and whenever he got his hands on you, he made you scream, beg, and even cry in pleasure.
“Louder, wife,” he growled with every deep thrust. “I want them all to hear how good your husband makes you feel.”
Most of your days, you spent like this, filled with your husband’s thick cock. Sherlock is a man possessed when it comes to you. The moment he steps into your home, he’s all over you.
“Sherlock,” you whimpered his name. It was the second time today that he had you underneath him, pinned to the mattress by his large, and heavy body. “Husband.”
He nodded against your neck before his teeth left another mark. A sign that he claimed not only your hand in marriage but your body too. “I know, my love. Let go. Scream my name.”
“Years spent with worry and work only for him to chase me away like a thief. I didn’t get the chance to pack my things before she hit me with a broom. I bet; Master Holmes would’ve never let me go if only he knew the truth about the succubus he calls his wife.”
You pressed one hand to your mouth, choking out a sob. Not only did Mrs. Demeter make your life a living hell while she was still around, but she also feds lies to the people in town.
How dare her? You have been nothing but kind to her. She was the one lying to your husband and acting out.
“I’ll set her straight,” Enola grunted. She wanted to storm toward Mrs. Demeter and the other women, but you held her back and shook your head. “Y/N, let me go! She lied! We know that she lied!”
“Still, these women won’t believe me. She’s a vicious person and only lies come out of your mouth. We both know better than to step into her trap. She saw us at the bakery. Mrs. Demeter wants us to act out. We are ladies and will behave in public.”
“We can’t let her get away with this,” Enola wiggled in your hold. “Please let me explain things to the women.”
“No,” you sternly said. “I will tell my husband about it. Sherlock will not tolerate such behavior from a former peasant. I know you mean well, but sometimes even you must hold back. Sherlock doesn’t need the wrong kind of attention while solving a case. Please, for once, listen to someone else.”
Enola stared Mrs. Demeter down. She curled her upper lip but didn’t do anything drawing attention toward you. “Fine, I’ll do it for you. If I ever hear a lie about you again, I won’t make any promises.”
“What is it, my love?” Sherlock worriedly watched you lie on the bed, curled into a ball. You sniffled and hid your face in the palms of your hands. “Y/N, wife. I need you to tell me what happened. I cannot help you if you keep me in the dark.”
“She—and then,” you cried, still shaken from what happened in town and when you came back home. “She won’t leave me alone.”
“Who?” Your husband stepped toward the bed to sit next to you. Sherlock ran his hand over your shoulder, gently touching you. “My love, please talk to me. Who made you cry? This morning, you smiled, and now, you’re crying your eyes out.”
“Mrs. Demeter,” you choked on your tears. “I saw her in town. She spread lies about me. Mrs. Demeter said that I lied to you and that I was the reason.”
“Y/N, my love,” he murmured your name and kissed your temple. “I want you to tell me everything. I need to hear every detail. Please don’t hide from me again.”
You gathered all your strength and slowly sat up to hand Sherlock the letter you found on the doorsteps of your home and another piece of paper.
Enola insisted on writing down every word and handed it to you. She even noted the names of the women Mrs. Demeter was talking to.
While he stared at the pieces of paper in his hands, you told him everything that Mrs. Demeter said to the other women.
Sherlock hastily read the lines, his features darkening with every word.
“My love,” he softly spoke to you. “This woman will never bother you again. I’ll make sure of it.” Your husband sighed deeply and shook his head. “I was too lenient with her. Even after she lied to me, I made sure that she’d get a new position.”
Eyes filled with fresh tears you looked at Sherlock. “Why can’t she leave me alone? I did nothing wrong. All I wanted was to love you.”
“I love you too, my love.” He cupped your face to kiss you softly. “Enola will stay another night and keep you company today. I’ll make sure Mrs. Demeter knows her place.”
“Lord Taddleton, it’s time for your tea—” Mrs. Demeter blanched watching Sherlock talk to her new master. Both men watched her step inside the room, a tray in her hands. She whimpered and dropped the tray the moment Lord Taddleton dismissively flicked his wrist.
“Mrs. Demeter,” Lord Taddleton sternly said. “I heard from Mr. Holmes that you are spreading rumors about his lovely wife. Not only did you lie about her, but you also threatened her most viciously. You are dismissed, and I will make sure you’ll not find a new employer in this town.”
“Lord Taddleton, it’s all a misunderstanding,” she begged and pleaded. Mrs. Demeter believed she could get revenge on you and not pay for her lies. “Please believe me!”
“You think I’ll believe a peasant over Sherlock Holmes?” Lord Taddleton sneered. He was a strict master, not soft and understanding like Sherlock. He treated Mrs. Demeter like a peasant from the beginning. “You will leave my house within the next hour.”
Watching your husband walk inside the library, you held your breath. You didn’t know where he went, but you assumed it had something to do with Mrs. Demeter.
“She will never bother you again, Y/N,” he said, and sat down next to you on the chaise lounge. “Please don’t pull away from me. I had nothing to do with the rumors she spread. The letter, it was all lies. I’d never betray you like this, my love.”
You sniffled and threw yourself at Sherlock to hide your face in his chest. “I’d never think so low about you, husband. She wanted to hurt me…I know this now.”
Sherlock closed his eyes and tried to forget what he read some hours ago. Mrs. Demeter dared to accuse him of being unfaithful when all he did was love and adore you from afar.
THE END
Tags in reblog.
#sherlock holmes#sherlock holmes x reader#sherlock holmes x wife!reader#sherlock holmes x you#sherlock holmes x y/n#Mrs. Sherlock Holmes (6)
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I NEED MORE BURNED CHEESE CONTENT, could you please feed this poor hungry soul some burning cheese kids? Imagine the SUPER protective burn during Golden's pregnancy, or, or helping her with the children's dough (and already planning the next children)
The kids will be here soon, I promise :( they're at school right now, Spice and Golden have to go pick them up. It won't be too long. (I have something important to do irl and that takes priority. I'm hoping I have time at the end of this week to sit down and try to draw them. Everything else is ready, their characters sheets are done, got their whole lives on lock lol. All that's missing is to put them on paper. I only have about half a gram of artistic talent so I'll really be pushing myself here... but I want you all to see them really badly, so I'm happy to do it haha)
I don't have to imagine anything, I'm already there with you, buddy :') I hc them as already married by the time the kids come along, and yeah... Spice is SUPER overprotective lol. Very, very gentle and doting, but fiercely protective and downright hostile towards literally everyone else as a consequence of that protectiveness. He won't leave her side unless absolutely necessary, and he'll be snapping at whoever forced him to leave her and then rushing back to her as soon as he can. (She feels kind of claustrophobic at times, because he literally becomes her shadow during those 9 months lol.) But really, he's at her beck and call from beginning to end. She's craving something? He gets it for her. She's sore? Hugs and massages and nice baths. She's tired? He carries her to bed and doesn't allow anyone to bother her for any reason for the whole rest of the day. She can't sleep? He's up with her all night, talking to her and soothing her and doing whatever he can to lull her back to sleep because she needs all the rest she can get. He's Peak Husband during this time lol.
(He's just... beyond happy. I also hc this as being after Spice has redeemed himself and been accepted back into society, but still not having 100% let go of his dark past (which he never truly will, you can never fully forget something like that, unfortunately). So really, he takes this as one of the greatest rewards for his change of heart that he's ever gotten, and as a sign that he really has become better. The day Golden came to him and told him she was pregnant was the best day of his whole, entire life. He fell to his knees and cried when she told him. Not only has he managed to forsake his destructive nature and instead create something, but he's engaged in the most profound act of creation there is: he helped create a life. And he created this precious life with the woman he loves, who helped kickstart his journey to redemption in the first place. It just shows how far he's come, you know? From a cruel tyrant to a beloved king to two peoples... from a bloodthirsty psychopath destined to live and die alone to a much more even-tempered man who has atoned for his sins and learned to be a good friend and person again, as well as became a beloved husband and father... still a force for destruction, but now in a positive way, not a negative one. It's been a very long road, but it really feels like he reached the end, and this victory is sweeter than any he's had before.)
...And same thing if they're cookies, honestly lol. Peak Husband. Burning Sweetheart Cookie here, jumping for joy when Golden tells him she wants a child. He goes hunting for a Witch Oven of his own accord, going to quite literally every corner of the earth until he finds one, then they go to it and he's just like a kid on Christmas Day lol. They're making the batter together and he's just grinning that big, pointy grin he's got, beaming like the sun. How much of his dough should they mix in? How much of hers? What will happen, what sort of child will they create? Golden thinks he's so cute lol. He won't even sit still while the kid is baking in the oven; if he's not pacing back and forth in anticipation, he's picking Golden up and swinging her around and smothering her with kisses, and going on and on and on about how great the kid will be and how they'll be a fine warrior just like him and Golden. He's yanking the oven door open as soon as that timer goes off and they both hear crying... she has to tell him to slow down so they can both take the baby out together (he was so excited that he was just going to do it by himself lol)
TL;DR: The woobification of Burning Spice Cookie on this blog is complete, he is now Burning Sweetheart Cookie, reformed villain who loves his bird wife and their babies with all of his spicy heart
And to feed you a bit of extra content (and to keep everyone on the edge of their seats), I shall feed you a bit of information about the kiddies:
There are two of them, a son and a daughter. The son is the older one by a few years
I did research and took inspiration from both Egyptian and Hindu mythology for their design and some of their personality traits (I will explain this in detail soon. I actually really enjoyed learning about these religions, even if for a ridiculous reason, and I look forward to rambling about all the little bits and pieces of myths I cobbled together to make these two lol)
Each one resembles a parent quite a bit (but I will not specify which child looks like which parent yet)
One of them has wings like Golden Cheese does
Something really bad happens to the son in the future
Here are their soulstone descriptions, because yes, I really did go above and beyond creating these little guys lol
"This stone holds a piece of [REDACTED]'s soul. It feels warm and light, like a rare, refreshing breeze on a desert morning... But is that a single grain of self-doubt, nestled deep within its core?"
"This stone holds a piece of [REDACTED]'s soul. Though it burns very hot and bright, and feels difficult to handle at first, the kindness and unyielding strength resonating from within are nevertheless unmistakable."
#cookie run kingdom#burning spice cookie#golden cheese cookie#burningcheese#goldenspice#burning spice crk#golden cheese crk
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ep 24 commentary (brain fried edition)
my head is a little empty after ep 24 tbh!! brain is not braining after all the zyc hurt no comfort (-:
some scattered thoughts here and there, painstakingly corralled like cats out of my vacuous brain and into a list (spoilers):
ZYZ is really emo this episode poor dude like he is having a hard time keeping it together it seems. Every other word out of his mouth is depressing as shit, which is saying a lot considering how depressing he usually is already (': I kind of wanted this episode to pick his brain more, give him room to emote in the aftermath of all that. But it almost feels like the character refuses to be alone, like he might spiral if he has too much time to get in his own head. I'm still so curious to know, though, what he thinks about the state of their promise in light of how far ZYC went trying to save him. “He has us,” ZYZ said to WX. When the time comes, I wonder how he'll reconcile that with what he’s asked of ZYC.
PSJ and Ying Lei bonding! shenanigans! I did laugh thank you guys. Also, not that the team didn't operate separately before, but I really get a sense of how much ZYC held things together with how apparent his absence is. It's obvs heartwarming seeing how hard everyone is working to save him (PSJ especially for me bc I love their mutual tacit trust and respect and all the ways they're alike and different), but ultimately it's still so angsty (':
Kind of love the couple instances where ZYC has been referred to as fragile/weak/of delicate constitution (depending on how you wanna translate it) like that's a very interesting quality to assign to basically the tank of your team. Even if the comments are made facetiously, it just reminds me of how often we witness his mortality, and of course how everything about the styling, aesthetics, and content of the flashbacks to his childhood reinforce a characterization of vulnerability at the very heart of him. I saw someone mention how the Cloud Light Sword responded to ZYC's tears and to that vulnerability rather than brute strength, and I totally agree. I love how this "fragile" characterization plays into the whole fate weapon deal. ZYC's strength is (imo) unconventional, and it is his sensitivity, his compassion, and his deep capacity to feel that the sword acknowledges, resonates with, and empowers. Almost like it protects his tender heart rather than making it something he needs to overcome to get stronger.
One thing I will never get over is how incredibly they styled TJR as baby!Yichen, adult ZYC, and Bingyi. What do you mean this is all from one drama and not three separate productions. Insane. I'm out of my mind with how gorgeous every change in costuming is.
A tangential note is I've seen people mention (paraphrasing very much here) ZYZ's demon form being nicely subtle in its eerie inhumanity and tbh I have a similar feeling even just about human adult ZYC imo. Especially when his hair is down and he's got that thick eyeliner on and we get a close up of his contacts, if you told me from the start that he's half-demon half-human or something I'd believe it. Along the same vein, baby!Yichen reads completely human to me, and Bingyi of course completely demon. Something something the Cloud Light Sword bridges the gap something. This point is unintelligible and not narratively based but I had to make it because I've been thinking "wow ZYC elven" for days now.
Saw a tag about yuanyi getting us through some dark times but man they are PUTTING me through some dark times rn help?/
Been trying to put off talking about the baby Yichen scenes because wow I cried immediately. Well, no, I was like "yay! I love seeing baby Yichen!" and then they crushed me into demon dust lol. And then WX had to tell that absolutely precious story about when she got sick and ZYZ had to go like "actually ZYC was probably lonely as fuck" and yeah that's fine I didn't need my heart anyway.
Ending on this point so I can put a pretty screencap here: There is so much gravity to just the short scene of Bingyi removing his mask and dropping to his knees with that anguished and fatigued expression. TJR's acting is the gift that keeps on giving (me angst).
so sorry if anything here didn't make sense, i currently have the same thousand-mile-stare as Bingyi the more i think about how this all might end and how long I'm gonna have to wait to find out.
#fangs of fortune spoilers#fangs of fortune#sorry this is late!#i started writing this after i watched the ep this morning but then i spent the whole day showing my partner the first six eps#zhuo yichen#tian jiarui#episode commentary#meta
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Post S4 Getting Together Pt3
Here we go again, gang, since I am a fiend. Again, parentlock is not the focus, but is a lovely bonus
Post S4 pt1, Post S4 pt2
Shift by Stopthat 48.5k words
“I’m tired, John,” He murmurs. Barely a whisper. John swallows, feeling irrationally helpless.
“I can see that,” He responds quietly, tracing an eyebrow with the pad of his thumb. “Sleep, then,” He can hear the crack in his own voice—a perfect match for the one in his chest. He hopes that Sherlock won’t notice, won’t try to pick it all apart.
“Not what I meant,” He rumbles, as he drifts off and away, leaving John alone in wakefulness to wonder what the hell had just happened.
notes: buying a house, misunderstandings, promises of forever, honeymoons
Tapestry by stopthat 15k words
“People would talk,” he tries, repurposing an old line, a shortcut to a recurring theme in their lives.
“They do little else.” John dutifully completes the circuit with a sigh. “Sherlock,” he continues haltingly, eyes falling back to his hands as he considers his words. “Would they be wrong, though, really?”
notes: getting together, going to harry/clara's wedding, first kiss, John adores Sherlock openly
Without Complexities or Pride by Raina_at 1.6k words
Love is what happens when you look and look and finally see.
notes: sweet, warm, a sliding together of finally
more than you could ever know by subtext-is-my-division (Quill_A) 7.6k words
Suddenly, Sherlock’s hand curls around his bicep. Warm and grounding, over the wool of his jumper. He fixes him with his impossible, multi-coloured gaze, and asks, “Are you happy?”
Is he-
Sherlock cocks his head, and his flushed cheeks glow in the darkness. (Sherlock always looks unfairly pretty when he’s drunk.)
notes: christmas fluff, convincing John to come back to baker st, Sherlock decorating for John and Rosie
coming home by disc0inferno 2k words
John keeps falling asleep in Baker Street, and Sherlock decides to finally call him out on it.
notes: soft, sweet, accidental cuddling, love confessions
When All Else Fails by ClueingForLooks_221B 6.7k
John laughed. “Well, I already poured you some, but no. I was going to ask, why don’t you ever correct anyone when they assume you and I are together?”
“We are together,” he replied simply, still typing away at his laptop.
John stiffened a bit at that. “What?”
“You and me. We’re together a lot, John. Why would I correct someone who points out a fact?”
John rolled his eyes as he headed back toward the kitchen. “That’s not what I meant,” he called as he put the wine back on the counter.
notes: soft and lovely, flirty but with a splash of insecure Sherlock
Home by aquileaofthelonelymountain 3.9k words
Suddenly, Sherlock couldn’t get his suitcase fast enough. Impatiently, he grabbed it and hurried through the masses toward the exit. A month abroad had been far too long.
After being away for a case, Sherlock is welcomed home.
In case you didn't know by TheKatlocker (TheKat79) 18.2k words
Sherlock loves John, John loves Sherlock... Are they ever going to tell each other? Spoiler: they will, but it's not that simple. As if it ever is.
notes: parentlock, misunderstandings. they suck at talking. fluffy sweet and lovely though, covers the events from both their povs, Sherlock has a book of things he loves about John
Move in by Strange_johnlock 3k words
Sherlock wants John and Rosie to move out. At least that's what John thinks.
notes: Sherlock starts looking for new apartments, John's insecurities cause him to fear the worst, sweet
More Than Okay by DissociativeSilence 9k words
Time has passed and Sherlock and John are settling back into their life of solving crimes. In the midst of a case, they both reflect on what they've been through and where they are now, what's survived, what's healing, and what's changed, for better or for worse. Day by day, they're learning more about how to live in the present, and on this day, they might just achieve that.
notes: little parentlock, Sherlock kisses John first, love confessions
'Almost' or 'Home is where the Heart is' by Strange_johnlock 7.9k words
"Where Sherlock enjoyed every second together and counted the minutes to see John again, his (former) best friend kept his distance, even when they sat on a bench together and watched Rosie run around the park. To Sherlock John was home, and John had found a different one."
Sherlock wants John to come home. John wants the space to cure his broken heart.
notes: Sherlock is so desperate to convince John that they should live together again, he starts staying at John's house for a bit.
Our Hands by Salambo06 4k words
Sherlock and John are in a cafe, gathering clues. The only problem is, Sherlock, socially unaware as he is, starts mouthing his observations louder and louder until eventually, he’s spinning around and rattling off at full speed and a fuller volume in the middle of the floor. Everyone is staring, and John is starting to become aware of this. When he realises what is happening, Sherlock hangs his head, his cheekbones colouring a light crimson. So John takes his hand boldly, even though they’ve never done this, even though he isn’t sure he can do this. And soon, Sherlock’s blush takes on a new meaning entirely.
notes: light, warm, full of sweet tension, yearning
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Steven Beschloss at America, America:
In the last few days, I have received a number of messages from readers who told me they are disengaging. “I am retiring from politics,” one said. “I’m avoiding the news,” said another. And this: “I’m too old for another Trump term and do not want to even see anything political for a long time. Steven, I’ve enjoyed your content, but in order to live to 78 [I’m] going cold turkey on politics.”
I get it. Trump’s emphatic win and Harris’ loss is heartbreaking, especially after all the effort so many of us have made to achieve a different outcome. This defeat is made harder by the awareness of the dark and disturbing days to come with Donald Trump back in the White House. There are many high-profile critics who are wondering about their safety now in a world where Trump fanatics like Steve Bannon echo his leader’s fervor for retribution by promising “rough justice.” It would be a mistake to assume that Trump wasn’t serious with all his violent, vengeance-inciting verbiage. Anyone who assumes the next Attorney General will act with the reluctance and politeness of Merrick Garland toward the ex-president—resulting in his not being held account for inciting a deadly insurrection on Jan. 6—is sorely underestimating Donald Trump’s endless capacity for cruelty, attraction to carnage and hunger to punish anyone who crosses him. But it would be a misfortune if many of us meet the coming months only with fear and reluctance, disengaging from the necessary opposition to Trump’s authoritarian enterprise. That’s what Trump hopes to achieve with his angry, aggressive intimidation.
It’s appalling to see how the billionaires have quickly fallen in line. This arrived yesterday from Washington Post and Amazon owner Jeff Bezos, who spinelessly deep-sixed his newspaper’s endorsement of Kamala Harris: “Big congratulations to our 45th and now 47th President on an extraordinary political comeback and decisive victory,” he posted on what was Twitter. “No nation has bigger opportunities. Wishing Donald Trump all success in leading and uniting the America we all love.” In a normal world, of course, that would read like a warm and magnanimous gesture, not a kowtowing plea from a self-interested businessman who fears the consequences of crossing Trump. And he was not alone.
Meta/Facebook owner Mark Zuckerburg, who’s been threatened with prison by Trump, posted this on his social media site, Threads: “Congratulations to President Trump on a decisive victory. We have great opportunities ahead of us as a country. Looking forward to working with you and your administration.” So again: I get it if you’re feeling utterly discouraged and doubtful if you should stay involved. If the billionaires are rolling over, why should anyone take any risks? That’s understandable, especially in the wake of this awful defeat, and a reason why some of us will choose to disconnect. But I urge you to take to heart the closing words of President Joe Biden yesterday in graciously accepting the election’s outcome: “Setbacks are unavoidable, but giving up is unforgivable…We are going to be OK, but we need to stay engaged.” I also urge you to listen to every word of Kamala Harris’ concession speech Wednesday from Howard University (you can watch it here). I was particularly interested in her guidance as we look forward.
“While I concede this election,” she said, “I do not concede the fight that fueled this campaign—the fight for freedom, for opportunity, for fairness and the dignity of all people. A fight for the ideals at the heart of our nation, the ideals that reflect America at our best. That is a fight I will never give up.” She also talked about not giving up the fight for reproductive freedom, for protecting our schools and streets from gun violence, and for democracy, the rule of law and equal justice. “And we will continue to wage this fight in the voting booth, in the courts and in the public square. And we will also wage it in quieter ways: in how we live our lives by treating one another with kindness and respect, by looking in the face of a stranger and seeing a neighbor, by always using our strength to lift people up, to fight for the dignity that all people deserve.” We will need to hear more thoughts like this as Trump and his enablers drag us through their world of hostility and degradation. The vice president made a particular plea to young people, including students in the audience from Howard, a historically Black university: “To the young people who are watching, it is OK to feel sad and disappointed. But please know it's going to be OK…Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever stop trying to make the world a better place…the fight for our country is always worth it.”
[...] I will not give up the effort to pursue a better, more just, more equal, more democratic, more decent and kind America. It will take plenty of energy and effort to keep clear about what is true and what is false, what is right and wrong, what is normal and what is insane—and to inform myself and you about what’s happening and what we might do about it.
The temptation is there to disengage., but it’s the definitive time to stay in the fight.
#America America#Steven Beschloss#Substack#2024 Presidential Election#2024 Elections#Kamala Harris#Donald Trump#Joe Biden
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Just to say!!! Anyone who has sent an ask!!! I swear I have got it and I’m not ignoring you I’m just taking a stupidly long time to answer them but I have them!!! And I’m holding on to them!!! Like a golden retriever with an egg!!!
ALSO ALSO!!! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone on here because it’s such a nice place to be. Anyone that has interacted with me, sent asks, sent a dm, followed, replied to my dms or asks, not blocked me when I’ve gone overboard in the tags, not blocked me because of inane shit posting. Just thank you!! Everyone is genuinely so nice and easy to be around and I don’t think any of you appreciate yourselves enough. I have never been an active member in fandom before and that’s all changed because of how Kind and Funny and Supportive you all are!! And not only that!! You are all so Skilled in your creativity! You can see the fun you are all having with it!! And the friends people are making! I just!!!! Am glad to witness it all so Thank You. And I hope you continue to enjoy yourselves in this community
#I am very very lucky that I have received asks. I know this. and I just want to say thank you#I am very lucky that ANYONE interacts with me#we all look for community and maybe we feel lonely sometimes#maybe we see other people talk about discords and group chats and dms or whatever it might be for you#but I promise!!! you are not alone!!! people DO want to talk to you#it’s just scary making that first message but sometimes the Friend Crush#(or non platonic crush hey that’s cool too we are on tumbkr. I’ve seen mutuals get married I’m not joking)#-anyway sometimes the crush is so LOUD and THERE that you can’t HELP yourself and the Madness takes over#and you message and it ends up being a fun exchange!!!#I hope everyone talks to their (friend) crushes. you deserve it#idk man just thank you#I’m clawing my way out imposter syndrome in work/fandom/life so I’m going to be rambling#but I shall stop#hope you got to wear your favourite thing today be it clothing perfume or nothing at all#MWAH MWAH have a lovely day
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very weird to frame your abuse apologia as being aware that the writers intended to illustrate a mutually harmful dynamic and not an abusive one. when the writers in question also wrote the line 'once you put it out there, they [the audience] decide what it is' because nothing you ever create has any innate definition. when the writers in question decided to racebend major characters and then showcase them being harmed by white or nonblack characters in a repeatedly racialized pattern when they Did Not Have To Do That and then genuinely or disingenuously decide to dialogue about their directly or indirectly illustrated racialized dynamic of intimate partner violence within and outside the narrative. like to be quite honest it does not matter what they intended because this is what they made and this is how it Looks to a notably large amount of people. who just happen to be interpreting it wrong? according to what metric? the very metric they say Doesn't Work in their own fictional creation? ok
#j watches interview with the vampire#i keep saying i'm tired of talking about this but i'm not#iwtv is SO enjoyable to me when i Don't make excuses for obviously shitty people#cannot comprehend the level of mental gymnastics. well actually i can lol#like i'm not trying to suck the fun out of a fictional show of fun fucked up dynamics#it's fun and fucked up Because. they let it be fucked up#let it be fucked up!#so many people seem to have such an aversion to the idea that lestat ever abused anyone but especially louis#when we know even if he didn't abuse louis he definitely abused claudia. often IN very misogynistic and racist ways btw#which people conveniently ignore#let alone that he does similar things to louis even when he at the same time would never Want to abuse louis#like both are true. i think. like#it's good that we as a society have tried to be better about cutting off abusers at the heels to compensate for it not happening Enough#but we have to stop pretending they aren't human people and that abuse is a Human act and that their humanity#and our ability to understand them with Our humanity just Disappears the second they do something monstrous#like no. both are true. all of it's true#pretending lestat was never abusive does nothing for no one#and i really truly feel like it takes the bite Out of such a compelling story to view it that way#let it bite my friends i promise you will survive it#imo seeing lestat's abuse for what it is =/= Cancel Him NOW like. i still enjoy him for what he is as long as he's Allowed to be what he is#which the finale. um. appeared to backpedal lol which is why it immediately sucked to me#realizing i am Because Of Woke-ing lestat but like people are afraid to call him abusive because they like him and they feel like#they can't continue to like him if they admit he was ever abusive. Because of Woke HFKSDJF
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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Your impulse to believe every last bad thing people say about a guy and then if that guy is victimized by those people or the people who spread the rumors you dont even try to look into if thats even the case, you just assume hes bad by default-- yeah thats incredibly unfair to guys who are victims of abuse.
#so here i am having to heal my trauma on my own bc people think im a bad person. cool.#and then people would use me as an argument point 'this is why men who use guys who are victims of abuse as an argument need#to actually do something to show they care' she said so smugly. knowing those guys wont give that guy any care no matter how#correct she is about sussing them out on their bullshit.#so instead im being given 0 options at all bc both men and women want to use me as an argument jumping off point rather than see#me as a real human right here right now whos suffering and in need of aid.#you're arguing about giving me a place to stay right in front of me. and at the end of the day neither of you actually want to help#create a space for me to heal anyways. im just another talking point to you. left in the dust. left to try to figure out how to heal#myself alone all over again. something I never expected to have to do in feminist spaces- spaces I intentionally entered to get healing#about ANOTHER abuse that happened to be as a kid- though if im honest I never really found healing in such spaces its all kinda just#hating on men for the most part- so truly like the rest of my entire shit life i've had to learn how to heal my trauma all alone. which isn#great nor ideal since on my own im bound to pick up worse coping mechanisms than if I actually got help from others. and lord knows#I have *motions to the scars on my arms* but yknow you'd rather use me as a talking point rather than be what I thought you were-#the last resort I had to maybe actually finally get some actual fucking help with my trauma.#vent#to say im disappointed is an understatement. i'm more just sad at this point. i'm tired of being promised better and then its shit.
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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lol
#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post#but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this#or to get too worried and all...#tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc.#please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent#anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired#having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc....#it really hurts so much#and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore#i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time#so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything#and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you#how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru#i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges#and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it#it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!!#you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again#what the fuck is this then?#why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text#like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has#she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years#and not saying i love you to me anymore...#and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages#how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me#i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much#i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this#i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming#and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me#my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds#too painful to bandage them at the moment
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vent
#content warning for detransition#it is hard to exist in the world as someone who regrets transitioning#i'm not transphobic. i support trans people. it just wasn't right for me#and yet my experiences get lumped in with people who spout hateful rhetoric#i'm not here to take away anyone's right to do anything. i believe in bodily autonomy.#i don't want to be a precautionary tale or a right wing news story. fuck terfs.#all i want is empathy#i can't talk about how traumatic my transition was without people assuming that i'm talking about all trans people#i'm just talking about me. my experiences are not normal.#i am a victim of homophobia and malpractice. i was tricked and abused.#i saw a post about detrans positivity and it was all about how you can change your mind and it's fine#it's not fine for me#there are major irreversible medical changes i underwent that i did not truly consent to#i struggle with it every day. i can't just turn back. and people tell me it's my fault.#i'm happy for people who feel supported by that sentiment but i don't feel supported by it#i need love and support for people who DO feel broken because of transitioning#the grief that people like me experience is unimaginable#and so often we have to face it alone because we are seen as traitors#i promise i still support you and your transition despite my pain#please. acknowledge that I exist.
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