#idk it's so hard to describe. i think usually talking about that sort of stuff usually comes out as a condemnation

[sparky-is-spiders]

Seeing a post about Love and immediately opening Libreoffice to project onto Jon for a little under 1k words.

[batsplat]

hello, i have a question. what is the difference betwwen a hard and a dangerous racer? is there some sort of characteristics like how succesful a racer is or is more of a "a dangerous racer races on the limit and that's dangerous. a hard racer races on the limit but. its just a hard racer". thank you for answering!

completely in the eye of the beholder, I'm afraid. it's a perpetual debate, and one where everyone draws the line differently... very much a case of one man's dangerous manoeuvre is another one's hard but fair overtake... that being said! I'll have a go at coming up with a general framework with which people assess this stuff

let's bring in two strawmen, which feels like the most direct way to illustrate the possible stances you can take on this debate. to be clear, nobody really fits neatly in either ideological category - but, well, these are pretty much the two most extreme positions anyone could have:

when people are describing something as 'hard racing' (as opposed to... idk, 'clean' racing), they are usually talking about a) contact between the two bikes, and/or b) an action that forces the other bike to take evasive action. what constitutes forcing evasive action? well, this is all very nebulous and hard to define - there's crossing another rider's racing line, making them pick up the bike mid-corner, forcing them wide/off-track, not yielding in situations where one of you will have to yield to avoid a crash... but this is always an assessment that will depend on the specific circumstances. not every block pass is considered hard racing, for instance, even though you are quite literally 'blocking' the other bike. contact is the more straightforward one... if you initiate a move that leads to contact, then most people would agree this is 'hard' racing

so say you are in the 'A' camp. according to this line of thinking, pretty much every contact is 'dangerous' riding and should not be allowed. here's what gibernau said about jerez 2005, included in the sete post:

let's not discuss the merits of the jerez 2005 move specifically here - this is an expression of a broader ideological position. "this is not a contact sport" "it's not about hitting another guy"... so, according to this stance, actions that knowingly result in contact should not be acceptable and as a result need to be penalised. taken to the logical extreme, any and all 'hard racing' is dangerous

let's go to the other extreme, 'B'. let's say you're very pro-hard racing, to the point where you think that contact is more than fine and that it is unreasonable to call it 'dangerous'. sure, of course it is dangerous, but inherently all motorcycle racing has a lot of risk attached. racing that involves contact is basically acceptable. even within this extreme, my lovely venn diagram allows for some actual 'dangerous' riding - either behaviour that is wholly irresponsible during races... or stuff that doesn't count as hard racing because it's not 'racing'. here are some examples:

stuff that happens during races but is like... egregious misbehaviour. cf romano fenati pulling a rival's brake lever during a race - obviously dangerous and no longer really exists within the confines of actual racing

in either races or non-race sessions - not following proper safety procedures like for instance ignoring yellow flags. again, should be pretty obvious why that's dangerous

poor behaviour in non-race sessions,the general tag for not exhibiting appropriate care, awareness for your environment, all that stuff... the extreme example is marc barrelling into the back of another rider after the chequered flag had been waved in friday practise at phillip island 2011 (more on that here). it's also things like faffing about on the racing line, see the pecco mugello dramatics

so, yes, everyone will agree that there's some stuff that counts as 'dangerous riding' that's distinct from 'hard racing' just because it's not actual racing. that's the most straightforward stuff... but yeah, anyway, those are basically the two extreme positions you can take. you can say that all contact is bad and dangerous, that any time you're forcing another rider to take evasive action and are making a pass that isn't 1000% clean, you are putting others at unnecessary risk. or, you can say, hey, everything goes, rubbing is racing on steroids - sure, there's a small category of things that aren't acceptable, mainly stuff that isn't actually racing, but otherwise you should be allowed to brute force yourself past riders whenever you please

obviously, they're strawmen for a reason. basically nobody holds either of these positions in their entirety - and in race situations, there's always going to be actions that are seen as hard racing by some and as dangerous by others. so, unfortunately, we're going to have to dig a little deeper here, and figure out by what metrics people draw the line between hard and dangerous. let's... hey, how about we bring in casey stoner, just this once. as a treat. here's what he said after laguna '08:

“I’ve been in hard racing all my life, some very aggressive racing, but today was a little bit too much. I nearly went in the gravel so many times and I don’t think it was necessary.”

hard racing? casey's done that before. some very aggressive racing? no issue. but what valentino did at laguna was "a little bit too much" and not "necessary". the specific thing casey cites is nearly going into the gravel - and indeed, forcing other riders wide/off-track is one of the types of racing behaviour that most finely straddles the line between 'hard' and 'dangerous'. for other examples, see suzuka 2001 in which biaggi forced valentino off-track and valentino flipped him off when he eventually got past (a few more details here), qatar 2012 where marc forced luthi off-track and got slapped after the race (here) and sepang 2015, where... uh. you know. or how about argentina 2018 where... look, I think you get the point - plenty of controversy comes from forcing your opponent's bike into places where it's simply not supposed to be

while we're at it, let's throw in a little excerpt from casey's autobiography about the race:

A lot of it was fair racing, he was out-braking me on the inside and riding better than me around a lot of the track. If it had all been like that I would cop it sweet. But a couple of moves off camera added to my frustration. I risked running off the track, and racing at the limits like that as we were I even became worried about my safety.

(does have to be said that the pair of them spend... relatively little time off-camera, never when the bikes seem to be particularly close - but of course the problem this statement creates is that by definition you can't judge any footage you don't have access to)

so, let's strip away the details and think about what casey is actually talking about here. it's a risk/reward calculation. this is what's at the heart of this riding standards debate: what level of risk is acceptable for what level of reward? there are situations in which there is inherently a higher level of risk in a way that isn't caused by either party - influenced by the circuit layout, what the weather is like, how hard you're both pushing aka how much on the 'limit' you are, and so on. but even if that risk isn't your 'fault', if you are riding at very high speeds on a dangerous track, you can still be considered a dangerous rider if you're not exercising appropriate levels of caution

so, let's break it down even further and try and come up with some basic criteria by which people judge whether a specific move is 'hard' or 'dangerous'. how about this: (1) does the action have a reasonable chance of coming off, (2) is the risk you're taking proportionate to the reward, and (3) is the move likely to cause serious harm to you or the other rider. let's take them one by one

listen, it needs to be plausible that you're going to be able to pull this move off. if you're firing the bike from fifty miles back into a gap that doesn't exist, then this is by definition an unnecessary risk. you are not going to do yourself any good and you are also not going to do the other rider any good. (sometimes it might be in your interest to crash the other rider out so you might as well, but unsurprisingly this is frowned upon. see the 1998 250cc title decider.) obviously, this is going to be affected by your skill level - if you're a mid rider, there will be fewer moves that are 'plausible' for you than for the best riders

this is basically the common sense metric. if you are riding in a pack, make sure to keep in mind that crashing in this situation could get ugly. if you are fighting for p5, maybe a different approach is fitting than fighting for p1. if you can make an overtake a lap later as long as you're patient, in a way that's a lot safer than doing it now, perhaps just do that instead. don't be silly in the wet! this comes down to stakes, whether it's worth it, how likely the move is to succeed... and also what the consequences would be if you got it wrong, for both yourself and other riders. you're making an overall judgement based on all of those factors... sometimes you need to take risk, but it's better to make sure that risk is reasonably sensible

however high the potential rewards are, there's a certain level of risk that is no longer acceptable, where the 'risk/reward calculation' stuff has to be thrown out of the window because the reward no longer matters. this is basically the catch-all for 'wholly irresponsible riding' - anything that's just going too far

so, uh. obviously everything described above is super subjective... but that's what people are judging in my opinion, this is the standards they are using in their head to determine where they draw the line. so, as an example, to bring back the stuff from this post about the inter-alien ideological differences:

and again, this is also what the debate after aragon 2013 was about:

if you think aragon 2013 is unacceptable to the point of being dangerous, then you probably take quite a hard line view and think pretty much any action that could lead to contact needs to be stamped down on. while that contact did have unpleasant consequences for the other party (dani wasn't able to walk for several days and his title bid was basically over), it is perhaps a little worse than could have been reasonably expected in that situation. in that sense, there's a bit of surface level similarity with jerez 2005... there, valentino made the pass for the win at the last corner, knowing he would probably bump into sete while doing so. neither rider is knocked off their bike (though sete has to leave the track) and it is at a slow corner, with relatively 'light' contact. unfortunately, as a result of where valentino's bike impacted sete's body and sete's preexisting shoulder issues, it ended up injuring sete (see here for valentino learning of this perhaps a little later than was ideal and only after he'd taken the piss out of sete for dramatically clutching his arm). at aragon 2013, marc was harrying dani and sticking very close to his rear tyre as he applied pressure to his teammate before he made a small misjudgement, getting his braking a little wrong and clipping the back of dani's bike. he happened to cut a crucial wire in the process, causing dani to highside a few moments later

these aren't equivalent situations and each have their own risk/reward profile. but the basic point is this: inviting contact with another rider will always generate more risk, and can always have unintended consequences... even when the action is relatively innocuous and the rider would not have expected this outcome. if you are in the 'all passes should be clean passes' school, this risk is fundamentally unacceptable. even trickier - what if contact is made as a result of a move you initiated but the other rider could have avoided? of course, you started it, but they could have yielded... and maybe they should have, maybe that would have been the wise, the sensible thing to do in that situation. it's always important to remember that at least two riders are involved in all these situations - and there are many cases where contact and/or crashing is not 100% the fault of any one party. so, for instance, there are several moments in laguna 2008 that are so risky in part because casey is also refusing to yield. that's not to necessarily imply any blame or fault! of course, it might not be ideal for the most aggressive riders being able to bully everyone else as they please because they know they can generally rely on everyone else being more sensible and yielding. but the differing outcomes resulting from the choices made by the 'other' rider will always help influence perception of any race situation - a move that is seen as 'hard but fair' might have been seen as considerably more dangerous if the other party hadn't yielded

and yes... yes, there is absolutely a question of your success rate. this links back to point (1) - is the move plausible? there are moves that aren't really considered examples of 'hard racing' and certainly not dangerous... because they worked. take valentino's last corner move at catalunya 2009, at a corner where you don't traditionally overtake (remember, before the race jorge was going around tempting fate by saying that if you're ahead by that point you're sorted). sure, he goes for a gap that exists, but it could easily have gone wrong - and if a lot of other riders had tried that, then it would have. how do you think yamaha would have felt if valentino had taken both yamaha riders out at the very end of the race to allow ducati to claim an unlikely victory and an increased championship lead? here's another one: misano 2017 and marc making a last lap move in treacherous conditions to snatch the win. no contact required to make that risky as shit - and if stuff like that goes wrong too often they call you an idiot at best and dangerous at worst. of course, both valentino and marc have had moments where they very much did not pull off moves they were intending, which is how we get ambition outweighing talent and 'I hope he can learn from this one and improve for the future', among other hits. but, relative to the amount of risk they're regularly taking in their racing, they get a lot of reward for their troubles... because they're very good at what they do. the risk/reward calculation is one that they... uh, can both be very adept at, but it's also one that's fundamentally easier when you're skilled enough to pull off a lot of moves that would be beyond the capabilities of other riders. it's when you don't know how to judge your moments, when you keep trying moves that you can't pull off - that's where other riders will start having a problem with you

which is where we get to reputation! how different incidents are judged will also depend on the existing reputations of the riders involved and whether they are seen as 'fair' racers or not (an even more nebulous term, if possible), versus hard racers, dangerous racers... often, this is a question of quantity too - with certain riders on the grid, you will notice they're involved in controversial incidents disproportionately often. how likely people are to pay you the benefit of the doubt... how likely they are to believe you as to what your intent was in a certain situation, perhaps the most nebulous concept of them all. 'hard' and 'dangerous' aren't assessments that are made in isolation, and how severely riders are judged will often depend on their pasts and how those pasts are perceived by others

where you get into really sticky territory is... okay, both valentino and marc have more often than not (arguably) been able to stay on the right side of 'the line', where their moves might be hard but aren't putting anyone else in active danger - but that's because they are at least theoretically capable of exhibiting a good sense of judgement and are also good at what they're doing, as covered above. here's a question: do they bear any responsibility for when younger and/or worse riders copy their moves and/or general approach to racing, with worse consequences? when they have been criticised, when they are called dangerous, at times it's not just what they're doing in the moment... it's what they're inspiring. so you've got stuff like this from sete:

even more drastically than that, after the death of a fifteen year old rider in supersport in 2021, one of his fellow rider said this about marc (which marc unsurprisingly strongly pushed back on):

(just worth remembering, this is a rider who did walk away from the sport as a result and was clearly deeply affected by what happened - the marc comments were part of a longer statement that got overshadowed by this part and the resulting controversy)

setting aside the merits or lack thereof of these specific assertions, what of the general questions they raise... can you be a dangerous rider in an indirect fashion like this, by the very nature of your legacy? are riders who helped bring about a more aggressive baseline standard of racing in any way responsible for anything that happens as a result of this standard? (even worse, there's a line of succession here - after all, who was marc's biggest inspiration?) or does individual responsibility reign supreme here? athletes are by design only interested in their own successes, aren't they - and 'legacy' is so abstract, how can anyone know how others will be influenced by what they do? how can we even begin to assess how big an influence individual riders really are? let's not forget that there will be other factors - riders in the past have discussed how particular characteristics of the moto2 class have bred more aggressive racing, or the influence of the size of motogp bikes, or how difficult it is these days to overtake in a completely 'clean' manner, or the rules themselves and to what extent they have actually been enforced etc etc... maybe there's also an element of people focusing on the easiest, most visible explanation in the form of star riders, without giving proper consideration to the underlying factors that will influence an era's style of riding. again, how you feel about all of this will vary from person to person - but part of the hard vs dangerous debate is inherently forward-looking. and it's hardly just legacy... your hard/dangerous moves may also be setting a precedent in the present. to what extent is it the duty of riders to worry about that?

so then, that's what I've got. how you draw the distinction between hard racing and dangerous riding will come down to your individual ideological position and what you think racing even entails. do you think all contact is objectionable? do you think only the most extreme of transgressions - most of which don't qualify as 'racing' per se - should be labelled dangerous? somewhere in between? everyone will draw the line in a different place, according to the situation and their individual biases and understanding of events. it comes down, generally speaking, to how you judge the risks and rewards of a certain move, whether you think what a rider attempted was 'worth' it. all of which depends on whether the rider could realistically have managed whatever action they were attempting, whether the potential rewards were proportionate to the risks, or whether the whole thing was just too flat out dangerous to ever be worth it... of course, none of these are objective standards by which you can assess the racing, but they should give you a rough indication of what people are even talking about when they're distinguishing between hard and dangerous racing. riders as individuals are also far from consistent in their stances (surely not!) so you do have to play it by ear a lot of the times... and while there are plenty incidents where the majority can agree whether it is 'hard' or 'dangerous', there are plenty more where you're going to get a lot of contradictory opinions. no definitive answers here - unfortunately a lot of the time you'll just have to make your own mind up

[noblebs]

oc profile tag

tagged by the talented @tragedycoded wow <3 I was like "maybe I shouldn't just do Orion by default" so I used an RNG and it landed on Orion anyway lol--NO WAIT FUCK THAT. DEV TIME

Name: Devilant

Nickname: in-universe, Orion's the first one to call him Dev

Kind of Being: demonic

Age: ???? was summoned 50 years ago, he considers that his age

Gender: masculine, sort of ambivalent about it tbh

Appearance: 8' tall from the top of his head, horns coming out of his temples (shaped kinda like upside down ?) make it closer to like 9.5' or so. he's fat, his skin is made of obsidian, and he has burning eyes. clothes are very basic and old/ratty, nothing fits unless he stretches it out beforehand. I think wifebeaters and sweatpants are his go-tos, and if that doesn't scream "long-term undiagnosed depression" then damn idk what does

Occupation: retired Annex agent/monster hunter

Family members: the person who summoned him and sort-of-maternal figure, Aisha

Pets: none. I bet he'd enjoy keeping goats or cows though

Best friend: oh don't even bother asking, she's long gone

Describe their room: cramped, bed takes up most of the space. a few bits of trash (mostly beer cans) lying around and a little dusty, but he doesn't own enough stuff for it to be disorganized

Way of speaking: usually has a very even and measured tone, doesn't inflect a whole lot

Physical characteristics (posture, gestures, attitude): tends to slouch and try to make himself look smaller (doesn't really work), doesn't gesticulate much and has a hard time emoting with facial expressions (skin too thick/stiff) so he can be very hard to read

Items in their pocket/purse: one key and some cash. talk about traveling light

Hobbies: woodworking

Favorite sports: not really a big sports fan, but I guess if you made him choose he'd say baseball maybe?

Abilities/Talents/Powers: I mean just...very very strong/durable. wounds close fairly quickly, but he can't, like, regenerate (but surely that's irrelevant). decent aim with a handgun

Relationships (how they are with other people): very quiet and stoic around people he doesn't know well. relaxes a lot more once he feels like he's not going to scare someone away, and then he can be more jovial and earnest

Fears: he thinks he's not afraid of anything. but really: the past catching up with him. in the deepest recesses of his mind he feels like he has terrible things to answer for.

Faults: withdraws/self-isolates the minute he's uncomfortable; gets complacent and stuck in a rut when he doesn't have some external force to drive him forward; can be very stubborn

Good points: compassionate and conscientious; very easygoing and emotionally mature, it's truly very difficult to upset him most of the time

What they want more than anything else: a purpose

ALL RIGHT going to test out my snazzy new tag list (no pressure, ask to be added/removed): @saturnine-saturneight @tragedycoded @sodaliteskull @autism-purgatory @leahnardo-da-veggie

@rhikasa @varsbaby @badscientist @ashfordlabs @sender-paulson

@captain-kraken @aalinaaaaaa @author-a-holmes @cowboybrunch @wyked-ao3

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

okay whatever!! I'm doing NaNoWriMo I guess!!!

I'm fully expecting to fall off the wagon at some point, probably this coming weekend because I'll be at a conference, but idk I like having structured writing motivations. and it's a YA thing with a VERY informal conversational voice so hopefully I can just chill and have fun.

first 1800ish words here. meet Cara, she's 18 and a werewolf and not doing so hot.

Where do I even start?

That’s not a rhetorical question, I have no idea. I’ve never really done this before, you know? I’ve never actually had to explain myself to anybody. Growing up, everyone always knew exactly who I was and what was going on.

Well, not everything. I mean, a lot of people actually had no idea what was going on with me for a really long time. That was actually part of the problem.

So suppose I start with the day that everything started falling apart? It makes as much sense as anything else.

That was the day we were supposed to be getting back to school from winter break. I remember really clearly that I slept in so late that Dad had to come and tell me it was time to get out of bed, which I he hadn’t had to do since I was a little kid and still adjusting to the routine. Every morning since I was thirteen, we get up early together to make breakfast and go patrol around the town. 

Sorry, do you know about… I mean, you obviously know what I am. That’s not what I’m talking about. But how much do you actually know about the werewolf thing? Most people don’t really know much unless they grow up in a town with a local wolf around. It’s a lot simpler than most people think it is but it’s also a lot more complicated, in other ways.

I don’t even know if I’m making sense. You remember what I said, about not being used to having to explain myself very much? 

Okay. Um. Just let me know if you have a question, I guess. Basically, what happened that morning is that Dad came and told me I had to crawl out of bed and I scrambled up and got dressed in the warmest, baggiest clothes I could find, and then we had some oatmeal together, and then we both went out back on the porch and turned into giant wolves so that we could run around the town borders and make sure nothing spooky was afoot. Got that?

Cool.

Like I said, we’d been doing that a long time. Every morning since seventh grade started, when I finally started getting a handle on my wolf stuff. And I was a real pro about it, even though I love being in bed, so I guess Dad probably thought it was weird that he had to tell me to get up. It wasn’t like I had been sleeping in over Christmas vacation; we never get a break just because of holidays. I mean, monsters don’t care that it’s Chrisitmas. Heck, the year before that we had to deal with a bunch of snowmen that came to life and started attacking people up at the ski lodge.

Did you hear about that? We did kind of blow up the lodge, but it was an accident. And it worked, so… You know.

Sorry. Am I avoiding the subject? I don’t know, I don’t think so. We haven’t even gotten to the hard stuff yet.

Me and Dad. He made oatmeal with strawberries and cream for breakfast, it was great. And then we went out to circle around Silver Falls and make sure everything was normal, which it wasn’t, but we didn’t know it yet that morning. Normally we can smell it coming miles away, right? I sort of mean that literally, because the sense of smell when you’re a wolf is like… I can’t describe it. I’ve never known how, when I’m human. It’s like having an extra eye open up seeing stuff you can only kind of squint at normally, and everything that’s usually fuzzy or invisible is suddenly so obvious. And then you change back and it’s just gone, like trying to hang onto a dream after you wake up. And our hearing is great too, which also helps. It’s hard to surprise us.

But there’s also just, like, a sense. Like a feeling, like when the town is in trouble we can feel it as clearly as if there’s something creeping up right behind us and breathing down our necks. My friend Ruby says that normal people learn not to pay attention to it when they have a feeling that something’s following them or they can’t stop glancing over their shoulders, because in normal people that’s just anxiety or paranoia. You take pills for it and go to therapy because it’s bad for you to feel like something is out to get you all the time, so you make it stop. But Dad always taught me and my brothers to listen to those instincts, because when werewolves feel like they’re in danger they’re usually right.

That morning everything was normal, though. All of the tracks in the snow were normal animals, ones that we knew. And no strange scents in the air. It was just a nice run with my dad, a good way to start the day off.

Most days actually are quiet, you know. For every day we’re tearing around town trying to catch a monster before it can kill someone, there are dozens of mornings that we just get to go for a run and stretch our legs. We can’t talk when we’re wolves but it’s still nice, hanging out. Sometimes Dad will stop to point out something cool he doesn’t want me to miss, like some baby animals or a pretty sunrise or flowers growing when it’s warm. I always get what he means. And I appreciate that he does it. We go fast when we’re wolves, like, faster than anything else can run. So it’s easy to miss things. And he always says it’s important to actually pay attention to the land and everything living on it, so that we remember why we do this and what we’re protecting. Because if you lose sight of why you do it, then you get… I don’t know. Weird?

I definitely ended up getting weird.

But we made it back to the house with no incidents, which was great. We were definitely thinking it was about time for something to happen soon, though. We never go more than a few months at a time without something cropping up in Silver Falls. The last big thing had been some gremlins at the trade school, gathering up scraps to build a mech suit. That one was… it was fun, honestly. I had never fought anything like that. And Hector thought it was really cool, because he likes robots and stuff like that. It was actually kind of downhill after that? I mean, not really, but we had kind of been getting worse since then. Like the gremlins were the last time we had something in common.

Hector was sort of my boyfriend, by the way. Or my fiancé, sort of. I don’t know, I hate that word. We weren’t even technically engaged, I guess. He had never actually proposed, but everyone knew what would happen after we graduated.

Do we have to talk about this part right now? I’m going to get to it, I swear, but there was other stuff. I swear I’m not avoiding it.

I was avoiding Hector, though. Not on purpose, it had just kind of happened over break. I don’t know, we’d been hanging out less and less, and then over break it was just so easy not to see him at all. He’d gone back to Florida with his mom for Christmas, to visit their family there, and I didn’t want to bother him. Or think about him at all, really. He’s a nice guy, really, but it was…

No, hang on. I’m doing this so out of order. We’ll get back to Hector, I swear.

Okay. Okay. So I got back home from this patrol where nothing happened, and we were running a little behind because I’d taken so long getting up, so Mom and the boys were practically already out the door. Um, I’ve got three brothers. Colin, Caleb, and Cooper. My parents liked the double C name so much for me that they just kept on rolling with it. 

The boys are all normal. Only the firstborn in each generation gets the wolf gene, and it only bounces if something happens. Like, my dad actually wasn’t supposed to be a wolf, but his brother died when he was a teenager fighting some tree monsters with my grandma. It only shifted to Dad after that, on the next full moon after his brother was gone. So Colin would only be a wolf if I died too young to have a successor, which is… I don’t know. I won’t let it happen. Colin doesn’t need to worry about that. 

It’s weird, actually. Colin was fourteen when all of this happened, and Caleb was twelve, which was how old I was when I started wolfing. And when I was twelve I felt so mature and ready to start taking all of those responsibilities on with my dad. I was so impatient for it, and I hated that it felt like I took so long. Like, I was kind of a late bloomer. But I think back to Caleb being that age, and even Colin being fourteen, and I don’t know. They’re babies. They’ve always seemed like babies to me. But I would look at my brothers and their friends and how young they were, and how totally clueless, and it just seemed crazy to me that I was already running off to life or death fights at all hours when I was their age. 

Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyways.

So Mom was already dressed for work at school, and had the boys wrangling all of their books and lunches together and stuff, and she told me if I wanted a ride with her then I needed to move fast, so I told her not to worry about it. And she said:

“If you see Ruby before I do, give her a hug and tell her congratulations for me.”

And I didn’t know what she meant, which was weird, because Ruby was always doing something that deserved a hug and congratulations, but I also always knew what it was because Ruby was my best friend and I thought I knew about everything going on with her. But I was confused and Mom could tell, so she went:

“She got another three acceptance letters over break.”

And I said, oh, right, yeah, like I had known all about that, so Mom dropped it and gave me and Dad little kisses goodbye and left. Which was kind of silly in my case, I guess, since she worked at my school and my school wasn’t huge, so we would definitely see each other again before too long. But it was sweet, though. I don’t want to sound like I was complaining about my mom loving me or anything.

[rosylix]

most everything has been said already, but i just dont. get it?? if you're so unhappy or so pissed off ab a tumblr blog then just. leave? dont interact?? dont willingly go onto the page and go to the ask box and insult the writer and all of their supporters???? im sorry that people cant just be decent human beings bc come on now. be better.

and we do care ab u :) not just bc of the stories but like i feel like this is a really nice space where i can freely geek out about korean men (this is a half joke !) and idk i feel comfortable around u like not in a weird parasocial way but like we are all here to bond over skz and i think thats a really nice thing! and obviously nobody deserves hate. like when i saw the messges i was like. my blood was boiling (im being fr i felt rlly pissed off)

OK SO IDK WHAT THIS IS THIS IS RLLY LONG SORRY BUT BASICALLY i (and im sure everyone else too) appreciate you for YOU and im really sorry that people are stupid but i hope u can take everything they say with a grain of salt bc they obviously have some sort of unhappiness in their own lives or something and we are here for u!!! we support u always!!!

and dont stress too much ab rosy or anything, as an artist/writer (i write songs but like same thing) i literally get trying to make stuff perfect and LITERALLY THIS IS FROM FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE when theres pressure to make it good or when ik people will listen or perceive me i get so hard on myself and im like "i hate this i hate this it sucks i hate everything" BUT USUALLY IT DOESNT ACTUALLY AND IM JUST BEING TOO HARSH ON MYSELF so i totally get where ur coming from and honestly just take it at your own pace! this is literally a novel im so sorry but ill leave with a quote from the 8 homeless children themselves:

"There's no need to rush, my pace Don't compare yourself with others It's okay to run slower Just follow my lane, my lane Take it easy Just look ahead and run"

noooo ilysm thank youuu o(T□T)o🩷 yeah truly like they were being awful even to you guys like.. 😭 some of the asks i didnt post were directly targeting yall for just? talking to me? that made me so upset likee i love chatting with yall like this even abt random stuff its so fun 🫶 so im glad u feel comfortable w me!

OOOUHH songwriting?? thats so COOL omg ive always wanted to write music but im not very skilled at it haha. but yes what ur describing is very accurate 😭 i'll try to remember it's probably not as bad as i think when im being too harsh on myself!

aw my pace is one of my fav skz title tracks tysm💛

[apopcornkernel]

11, 19, 23, 39 !! sending u kisses back MWAH !!!

from these writing asks

11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated.

e,, ene,,, enemies-to-lovers (audience gasps) YES i know i cannot believe I'm saying this as one of the most ardent lovers of etl. but likeee i don't think it suits some ships at all (and kinda kills what i love about said ships) AND I've been feeling super let down by recent portrayals of it that has actually just been straight ass

other than that, i guess fake dating and arranged marriage 😭 i do still enjoy those tropes done well! but lately I've been wanting more canon-based fics & quieter tension but tension all the same. like yes give me 20k of them running this country together, i don't even want a confession at the end or any sort of kiss, just show me their chemistry and their deep trust!!!!

19. Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.

I LOVE U FOR THIS

When she woke, her head was clearer, the haze of drink all but burned through. It was not yet light. Yukong turned, and in the darkness Caiyi’s eyes were like that of a cat’s, fixed pinpricks of direct brightness.

No. Not Caiyi.

Ruan Mei blinked back at her, still watching. The memory of everything that had transpired, the touching, the kissing—

Yukong uttered a low, fierce curse.

23. Dialogue or description? Why is the other one so hard?

it depends, but usually its dialogue :( i am really bad at writing very very colloquial characters and when it's for more formal (?) characters its slightly easier if only bc i know the rules better? but its still hard, like... like this for example, I'm still unsure how to rephrase this 😭:

The Seer Strategist had on a look of such put-on innocence that it only missed an affronted hand to the chest. “Why, Diviner Fu, I’d never. ☰ ☲ Besides, it’s not good for us to have infighting among ourselves rephrase.”

yeah, that rephrase is my note to self 😭 it's why writing stuff like jingfu takes doubly long.

description can also be hard for me bc i forget that people need them haha. like i just want to skip ahead and go to the good stuff (interaction! talking!) but then im like. shit. the readers don't even know where they are rn 😭 it's a little tiring to describe too, like idk how yall are writing multiple paragraphs when one alone is a struggle for me

39. Wildest AU scenario you have written?

it's STILL jingfu propaganda movement au where i made jing yuan a chinese mestizo and fu xuan a newly arrived chinese immigrant who lived in binondo during the philippine propaganda movement and the ensuing revolution 🥰

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Many Roads Diverge in the Woods - Second Run - Part Six

The Beginning | Previous

The results are in.

You've made your decision. Wonder what you'll see? You all are being so incredibly reasonable this whole run fdhjakslh None of you are like "hmm, what if I saw the bad choices?" Or, well, some of you might be, idk, I can't see into your heads. Wonder how you'll deal with this choice, then... :)c

The poll at the bottom to decide what happens next is only open for one day, expiring on April 20th at 12:00pm PST. Part Seven will be up the next day, April 21st, at the same time.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

“Bro, it’s not gonna be that hard to tell us what you’re talking about,” Chase says.

Marvin raises an eyebrow. “It’s also not gonna be that hard to walk three meters from where you’re standing to the room.”

It’s farther than that, JJ says.

“Semantics.”

“Marvin, I think what we are trying to say is that... you have been acting a bit unusual,” Schneep says delicately. “We need some trust.”

“Yeah, maybe when we walk in you’ll lock us in the room or something,” Jackie adds.

“What the fuck? No!” Marvin folds his arms. “Okay, fine, if you guys are being so weird about it. The room is pretty much empty except for some chairs. But there’s a pattern burned into the floor that I know is a ritual circle for spells.”

Jackie blinks. “What?”

Marvin throws his hands in the air. “See? You have no idea what that means! My explanation is fucking useless to you!”

Even that is better than going in completely blind, JJ says. Thank you, Marvin. We’ll check it out now.

“Finally. You guys are being weird.”

“No, you’re being weird!” Chase insists. “You’ve been weird since we came down to see what you were doing!”

Marvin starts to snap back, but stops. He frowns, like he’s considering something. For a moment, he looks worried. Then he pushes past it. “Well... I’ll try to stop being weird, then. Come on. I’ll go in first, if you’re so worried about me locking you in.” And he turns around and walks back into the room he came from. The other four glance at each other, a bit concerned, but follow him.

The room is exactly as Marvin described, empty except for four wooden chairs. A single dim bulb lights it up, though there are still shadows around the edges. And on the floor—wooden boards instead of the blank concrete in the basement hallway—is a design. Chase traces the lines with his eyes. A circle. With lines crisscrossing back and forth, and six strange symbols burned into the empty space in the center. The four chairs sit on the edge of this circle, evenly spaced between each other.

“So... you said this was a ritual circle?” Schneep asked. “For what?”

“I don’t really know, actually,” Marvin says slowly. “I don’t recognize the pattern. And actually, patterns aren’t really used that much, it’s usually just the circle, maybe with some runes around the edges if you want to be fancy.”

“What about these?” Jackie points at the symbols in the center. “They seem important. Do you recognize them?”

“I... kind of?” Marvin says. “It’s weird. I don’t know how I know this, but it’s something about... life? And... change? Transformation, o-or maybe transference, I don’t know.”

“Why’s it burned into the ground?” Chase mutters, tapping one of the lines with the tip of his shoe. “Seems like a lot of effort.”

“I’m guessing whoever did it was planning on using it a lot.”

JJ frowns. Why is this in Jack’s cabin? Along with all those magic books in the other room? I didn’t think he was into that sort of stuff.

“Maybe it belonged to some other family member,” Jackie suggests.

Chase gives the room a second look, as if he could find something new. And, surprisingly, he does. “Hey, these chairs were in the other room,” Chase says. “With the table. Marvin, did you move them in here?”

Marvin stares at Chase for a moment. Then at the chairs. He blinks, confusion clouding his face. “I... don’t know. Maybe? I—ow!” Marvin flinches a bit, pressing a hand to the side of his head.

“Are you okay?” Schneep asks.

“Yeah, I just... my head... started... hurt...” Marvin’s words trail off. He slowly lowers his hand. And he steps further into the room, going right up to the symbols in the center, looking down as he stands on them.

“Marvin?” Jackie asks, concerned.

Marvin looks up. “I remember what one of these means,” he says in a slow, almost monotone voice. “It means ‘blood.’ And I found something else in this room.” He puts his hand behind his back and then takes it out again. A knife is clasped in his hand. A thin blade, almost a dagger.

“Whoa!” Jackie steps forward, holding his arms out protectively in front of the others. “Okay, uh, cool? Th-that makes sense, I guess. Now, uh, can you put it down?”

Marvin grins. “Does it make you nervous?”

“No!” Jackie protests.

“I-it does a little,” Schneep says quietly.

“Really? What are you afraid of? That I’ll hurt you? I’m hurt that you’d think that.” Marvin flips the knife in his hand. “I’ll show you how hurt I am.” Slowly, he raises the shaking knife to his throat.

Chase gasps. He pushes past Jackie. “Marvin, no!”

JJ also tries to push past him, but Schneep grabs him and pulls him back. “Be careful!” Schneep hisses.

“Be careful?! Be careful?! Are you seeing this?!” Chase takes a couple steps forward. “Marvin, put the knife down.”

Marvin just laughs. The blade presses against his neck.

[crossedwithblue]

You're a Mansfield Park fan?

Yes!

IDK if you intended it as such but I am going to take this as a license to ramble about MP on main.

I think the thing about MP is that people (especially people who aren't as quite intense about JA than I am lmao, or who have only read P&P before) often come to it expecting a light-bright-and-sparkling romance like P&P, and are surprised when that isn't the case. Hell, I felt like that too on the first read, because the pop-culture perception of JA is that she was a romance writer first and foremost - but the romantic happy-ever-after is shoehorned into a few paragraphs on the last page or two, and not even shown on the page. MP isn't a romance novel at all - I have minimal English lit knowledge outside of JA, but I'd class it as more of a bildungsroman, maybe? Or a predecessor to those modern Literary Novels all about objectively nasty people being nasty to each other? (More on this in a min) I would very much welcome corrections from people who do know what they're talking about, though!

To me, JA isn't actually a romance writer most of the time. She wrote really good romances because she was really good at characterisation and at understanding and describing how personalities interact to form relationships, and romance is just one type of relationship. It's just the one that pop culture tends to focus on when it comes to JA (I mostly blame Georgette Heyer but of course there's an essay to be written on that too). The only JA novels I'd describe as true romances are P&P, of course, and Persuasion - the rest have romance as just one among many other dynamics as a supporting or side plot, or a tool to reveal characterisation, rather than being the main focus.

Fanny is also a very passive narrator who tends to be acted upon rather than acting herself, which tends to irritate people, but MUCH more on that in a minute.

I think MP is in some ways sort of... cruel. It's certainly the most openly incisive and potentially upsetting, with depictions of complex abusive/toxic family dynamics that could probably come straight out of a domestic/familial abuse/neglect resource. The point where I started to enjoy MP was when someone told me to embrace the schadenfreude - everyone besides Fanny and Edmund (possibly - both points very much up for debate, but they are at least trying their best in the middle of a family that doesn't give a fuck, really) is either an actively terrible person or at least a pretty bad enabler. That did help me find the humour in it, but personally I certainly find it a bit hard to read at times, especially the Mrs Norris scenes. It's not usually my first choice when I want to be cheered up.

This also tends to surprise people, I think, because the pop-culture image of JA, (probably in large part due to her Victorian relatives wanting to protect her posthumous image) is of a twinkly, proper, sweet-natured spinster lady.

Which she was not. Anyone who's seen extracts of her surviving letters knows that she had a biting, frequently uncharitable sense of humour (miscarriage jokes aren't a great look, Jane!) - and we know Cassandra destroyed the really juicy stuff, so that's got to be the tip of the iceberg. This is certainly apparent in all of her books, but can be ignored much of the time - but not in MP, where uncharitable descriptions of awful people are pretty much the core of the book.

Finally, we come to Fanny, the extremely divisive heroine (not least because of that name lol). Personally I tend to imprint on pathetic small girls who need looking after, but Fanny is a massive turnoff (lolol) for many people. I think that's just a personal thing but I enjoy the effect of her frequently becoming another layer through which the narrative filters - JA was a master of free indirect speech, of course, often with deliberate ambiguity about whose POV is being reported - omniscient narrator or character or both in agreement - and if it's a character, then which one? Fanny usually says and does little, but observes very keenly and astutely, which interacts in a really interesting way with the narration.

Also, I'd just like to point out that Fanny is Like That because she is an abuse victim. She may not be the most compelling heroine for everyone, but she isn't going to "just stand up for herself". The one time she does, the Bertrams punish her for it pretty harshly by sending her back to an environment that they know will be bad for her physical health (!)

Bit of a tangent but I am also a huge fan of Jane Eyre and I think there are interesting parallels to be drawn between Fanny and Jane. Jane Eyre is a fiery, independent character who manages to get out of bad situations one way or another, mostly through sheer dumb luck (don't get me wrong I love my girl Jane but How did she leave that parcel on the coach...). If she'd stayed at Gateshead, I could see her gradually getting beaten down until she became a lot more like Fanny - because other than Jane's innate temper, they have quite a bit in common - they both do, when it comes down it, have a very strong sense of self (yes, even Fanny) and the ability to reject things that they know are morally wrong, no matter the potential cost.

That turned into a bit of a defense of MP because I usually hear people dissing it and so that's what I end up thinking about. Lots more to be said on the Crawfords and the Bertrams, of course.

[misfit-and-escapist]

A rant about my sister and her inability to understand me and my issues (especially mental health stuff). Putting in under "read more" because it's gonna be huge wall of text.

I think after meeting i had yesterday with my sister i am really sure, like 100% that she is nowhere near better than the rest of this dysfunctional family. Yes she might understand SOMETHING better but that's about it.

First of all, she absolutely invalidates me, doesn't believe i have trauma and tries to downplay it. "Everyone has some traumatic experiences"... Yea right... But not everyone gets to be severely mentally ill. Every time i tried to bring trauma as a cause for stuff she'd say something like "maybe BUT it could be...". I haven't talked with anyone who tried this fucking hard to downplay my trauma and abuse. Usually people say upfront and it is easier to deal with those and with how my sister does it. Also the fact that she believes that there aren't healthy people and everyone has some sort of mental issues says a lot because she literally downplays how severely mentally ill i am. Maybe it's her projecting or maybe it's just her brain trying to save her from her own shit idk. But it fucking sucks.

Of course i wasn't surprised when she didn't understand bpd even when i tried to explain splitting and shit. Not surprised because most people in this fucking country has no knowledge of bpd or of personality disorder in general. When i tried to explain it, her response was "but your personality is great and who cares if it's disordered and why it has to be like that". BITCH IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE FUCKING PERSONALITY DISORDER THAT'S WHY. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Idk why it's so hard to understand that personality disorders exist and idk why it's so hard to understand the concept of it. Then after i explained splitting she was like "well even people without disorders and mental health issues can be driven to do crazy shit and act in similar ways". 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Then she absolutely does not understand what disassociation is and how it feels because what she described from her side isn't disassociation but more like bottling up emotions and stuff.

Then what really makes me so fucking angry and annoyed is how she said that she knows me so well. NO SHE DOESN'T. We barely talk on daily basis, we mostly meet during holidays or random occasions like this. She lives not with me and bitch mother anymore. How can she actually know me when we barely talk. That's right she can't. But wait, oh, i fucking forgot that she as also the rest of this dysfunctional family bases their knowledge on kid and teenage me and fails to update this version they have of me to current me so of course they think they know me well... 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I fucking hate this shit.

And then the biggest and most annoying thing about that whole meeting and conversation with her is how she magically knows every single solution to every single mental health issue. And that solution is to write. 😂😂😂😂😂🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Yes, apparently if you write you will heal and shit and find every solution and it will also heal you from personality disorders and depression and ptsd and everything. 😂😂😂😂😂 Fucking hell. And what is even worse is how pushing she was about it. Like ok, I'd understand a suggestion of it but being pushy and forceful about your suggestion is absolutely wrong way to make someone even consider taking your suggestion or trying it out.

So yea, this is basically watered down version of what happened because there's so much shit I've heard from her. I was really expecting that she might have changed or something but i guess i expected too much from this shit family. And somehow i feel that i am only one sane and understanding person in this family so of course i am a black sheep. I do hope that she won't have any kids because this family and this fucking curse and shit needs to die.

I don't know maybe some of this was my fault, maybe i haven't explained well, i mean i suck at explaining and shit so maybe if it was someone else explaining stuff to her, maybe she would have understood better. 🤷‍♀️

[chemicalbrew]

tagged

by @radellama :3

Do you make your bed?

I haven't made my bed in like four years. There's no point to it any more 99% of the time these days.

What's your favourite number?

The normie answer is seven, the funny answer is zero. I do like them both!

What is your job?

A job you had that would surprise people?

(celibacy gif, but it says UNEMPLOYMENT)

I'll have to start looking for shit in a few years, though... I guess I should be looking for it now, too, because surely I can freelance and all that... I just don't want to. Sloth has always been my biggest sin 💚

If you could go back to school, would you?

Maybe... I wouldn't mind going back to high school, but also I don't see much reason to. I used to actually despair about not being in school any more a relatively little while ago, but now? I don't know, I think it's more important to try and look forward...

Can you parallel park?

Can you drive a manual car?

Favourite childhood sport?

(celibacy gif, but it says DISABILITIES) I will never be able to drive or do sports :D

Do you think aliens are real?

Ironically, I think my opinion on aliens and god is the same: they're definitely out there, somewhere impossibly far away, and incomprehensible. Probably don't care about us that much, either.

What's your guilty pleasure?

both are incredibly obvious answers, but fuck it

At this point, rerunning KZ counts as one because for fuck's sake, I have so much stuff in my backlog, but instead of getting around to any of it, I just... play the same levels for the 100th time without even getting any better, pfft.

In the sense of 'enjoying something that isn't regarded well', gotta be Brandish or DOD. When I actually get around to researching DOD1, it will be so over for you all...

Tattoos?

None and I'm pretty sure I don't want any. If someone offered, I'd probably do something floral on my arms, but I really don't care... With how often my brain switches gears, it'd be hard to find something I would never regret getting.

Favourite colour?

Usually I say blue and purple, but I think a funnier way to describe my preferences would just be 'the bisexual flag'. I'm not particularly partial to pink, but I like the more purplish shades of it, you know? Especially if it leans into the... bright neon aesthetic, I guess... idk how to explain

Favourite type of music?

everything rads doesn't like

I was actually put on the spot with this question a few days ago, and the best I could do was stammer out 'uhh... dance music', but the real answers are

Electronic music, particularly EDM, house, DnB, vaporwave and synthwave in that order

Music made using vocal synths

Video game music

all of which are incredibly nerdy and pretentious, but really, the overlap of these three types is where I feel most at home.

Do you like puzzles?

Never had the patience for big jigsaws, but enjoyed smaller ones as a kid. I am not opposed to a good puzzle game every once in a while, either, but I'm not particularly passionate about this sort of thing.

Any phobias?

Nothing too extreme, I think... or maybe I haven't had to see anything truly scary in ages, haha.

Do you talk to yourself?

ALL THE TIME. At some point I suspected I have OSDD, but I have no way to actually try and find out (even if I did, I figure there's really no reason to). All you need to know other than that is that the answer is ALL THE TIME in my head, and 'when no one is home' when it comes to talking out loud. It's especially helpful when I'm going through emotional and stressful stuff, obviously.

What movies do you adore?

Tale of Princess Kaguya, Perfect Blue, uhh what else did I enjoy... movies are hard

Coffee or tea?

Both, in copious amounts 🍵☕

I have specific flavor preferences, of course, but as long as it's tasty, I'll be drinking :D

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up?

I don't remember... I feel like I was focusing on trying to survive first, and then others kept telling me what I should be doing...

[wildernezz]

you only just followed me but i saw your bio, so:

analyse me lol

finally got around to doing this. man, i really gotta get back on my analyzation grind. anyways this is the most i was able to think of. not sure how accurate it'll end up being, but hopefully i'm able to get some things right lolll. and if not, hopefully you at least enjoyed reading through it:

autism. that is the very first thing that strikes me when scrolling through your blog to analyze stuff and i just needed to get that out of the way as soon as possible. the autism is undeniable. and if you're not autistic it's some sort of flavor of neurodivergent. i'm putting my bets on autism though.

you're a very honest and straightforward person. you're very clear about your boundaries and what you're trying to express when talking about things. it's incredibly respectable and a really good trait to have, but i feel like sometimes you question yourself for it. it's hard to describe but i'll try touching more on it later.

i feel like you're not a very talkative person in real life. considering you have a lot of deltarune posts, a large part of me feels like you relate to kris. you also just give off those vibes of someone who's a little monotone, not extremely talkative, but can definitely ramble about the things you're interested in. i also feel like the story arc of kris is something you probably relate to. i haven't analyzed kris enough to feel solid in describing their trauma but i know something in that is something you relate to. especially with the conflict of identity and knowing who you are. i have no idea how to describe that in kris terms but i know it's there. 

rolling along with the deltarune ball, there's a whole lotta noelle in there too (which based btw, noelle is awesome). it makes me wonder if you relate to her too. maybe it's the overall anxiety she has, but i feel like it also ties into the idea of identity, losing yourself, or not completely knowing who you are. it's weird to describe because i feel like you do have a solid sense of who you are, it's just that every now and then you probably have some sort of moral crisis or existential crisis and it can send you spiraling if you think about it for too long. you seem like somebody who lives life the way that you want to, but there is still a slight underlying fear of both yourself and the world.

oh i just know you've questioned your gender a few times. maybe you haven't particularly dwelled on it for a long time, but i feel like you've def had that "maybe i'm not entirely cis" thought pop in your head every now and then.

this is honestly a tougher analyzation for me to pinpoint, but it's not because i can't tell anything about you, it's more like i could point at a character and go "that one's you" but i have no idea how to back it up lmaoooo. so here's some characters that i feel fit you but i have no idea why: Kris from Deltarune (duh), steve minecraft (idk why either), L from Death Note, Nick Carraway from The Great Gatsby, both Danny Saunders and Reuven Malter from The Chosen (1987 movie specifically), and also a weird mix Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer, and Maud Pie from MLP:FiM.

hopefully this provides something insightful and is at least semi-accurate. i usually do better analyzations on my @analyzing-people-like-hell account where i'm given a list of characters to work with, so if you want i'd gladly redo an analyzation over there. however i have been way off my analyzation grind so i make no promises on how long that'll take lolll. either way, my bad if this isn't all that accurate, but it was super fun to look through so thank you for the content B))

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

3, 11, 16, 18, 25, 29, 47, 54, and 57 for the get to know your fic writer questions :) <3 !!!

Get to know your fic writer! Asks

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I'm so sorry, I do not know. It just...happens? For me I most often start with whatever scene popped into my head first as the basis for the idea. Then I sort of plot my way outwards (how did we get here = beginning and middle. where are we going = end) then write it from start to finish. ...Apparently I do know. Jk. Earlier statement redacted

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

so hallowed and so gracious by nowrunalong. Buffy is wishing for a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of coffee when she enters her kitchen to find a ghost reading the newspaper.

Buffy/Anya fic OF ALL TIME. It's what really got me interested in shipping them. I've reread this more times than I can count.

Body Language by explosionshark. Buffy and Faith have always communicated best when they're not relying on words at all.

Buffy/Faith. It's so so so SO good!!!! Reread this a gazillion times.

Flowers for a Ghost series by aliceinwonderbra. When Buffy jumps into the the portal in The Gift, she wakes up in a new world. This series is comprised of Flowers for a Ghost, the story of canon Buffy in an Alt world, and The Girl from Away, the story of Alt Buffy in canon.

Buffy/Faith. The angst in this one hurt SO BAD I have only managed to read it once, but I think about it often.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Asking me this is a mistake, the answer is TOO MANY + I will never shut up about my fic ideas so be careful haha. Jk, according to my list of MR! fic ideas: 152. At random from the list, here is a summary from one: "Christian's hand is shaking too much, his finger slips on the trigger, and he kills someone he never meant to hurt." So. That sounds like an enjoyable time :)) /s (there is something so wrong with me...in my defense there is also something so wrong with Christian)

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

It depends. Sometimes the title is the first thing in my mind and I craft the fic around that. Sometimes it's the very last thing added before I hit post.

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

more and darling, dearest, dead from MR! I consider them to be some of the best things I've ever written haha I'm proud of how they turned out!! And I want people to scream about them with me in the comments MORE PLEASEEEEE. *getting down on the ground* hereeeee comments, pspspspsps!!!!

He Slays Monsters. Always. It's my baby, but it's consistently lost readers overtime as people realized Buffy is likely gonna identify as [redacted] by the end. Redacted for spoilers but, it's obvious. People put it together, and they don't come back. *sigh* writing trans fic can really suck haha

29. What's your revision or editing process like?

Hell.

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Boring answer but: as many times as it takes before I'm happy with it. Could be once. Could be I'll sit on it for 6 months until posting. Idk how to explain but I can just feel if there's something off about it and if it has that feeling, I wait until I figure out why and fix it.

54. What's your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Taking characters I love and making more content and stories for them!!!!!! Changing canon and watching what happens. Putting them in an AU and seeing how they're the same/different. Saving the blorbos!!! (Traumatizing the blorbos more...) Also: huge one for me is comments/asks/engagement from others in the fandom!!! I'm really awkward and have vampire autism (won't talk about The Thing unless invited) so I just make stuff and put it lovingly at everyone's feet like an offering and hope some of them come talk to me about this thing I worked so so hard on before I implode

57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it's finished?

I have to actively stop myself from editing as I write, but it always goes better when I do.

[replicasoul]

💛 - if you are comfortable sharing, what is your headcount? do you keep track of it? / 📼 - do you have any non-human alters? if yes, which species are the majority of them? / 🌱 - do you have a headspace? if yes, describe it! if no, do you want one?

finally getting around to these 💛 - honestly No Idea at this point. there are about 5-7 ppl who front super regularly. We Think. there might be more, its hard to tell. there are definitely More who likely front less often and are more like. internally-inclined? idk how to put that. but we havent actually taken the time to do any sort of Count. and i feel like it could fluctuate wildly over time (it has before). so Who Knows. mayb we should start that 📼 - literally none of the members of our system identify as like. Human. all of us have weird kin shit going on that is EXTREMELY prevalent for us in terms of identity/gender stuff, but which we pretty rarely Actually talk about. one of the things that complicates this, though, is that while there are Patterns that we have wrt what forms/kin things/etc each system member Tends to gravitate towards, none of those are set in stone and All of the 'usual' things span multiple 'species' or whatever you want to call them. so like. we have a lot of yknow. forms/gender/kin stuff that are Robots, Object Heads, Monsters, Aliens, Objects In General (especially living swords or machines), Furries, Plushes, Pooltoys, Balloon Dogs, Cryptids, Suits (think like. lethal company employees or HUNK from resident evil), etc. etc. etc. etc. and different system members might stray more towards some of those forms than others, but its honestly all over the place and is really confusing to keep track of. which is part of the reason we rarely talk about kin stuff at all (the other big reason being shame/embarrassment, but thats a different issue) but essentially it boils down to 1. figuring out who the fuck is even fronting 2. figuring out what form or kin or w/e that person is feeling like and both of those can switch multiple times even on a single day so the short answer i guess is: none of use ID as human In The Slightest, but as for What we are, its fucking complicated 24/7

🌱 - yes, but its been something thats been a lot fuzzier as of recent, and we generally feel less-inclined to try and mess with it these days (always feels like a waste of time, even though it can be helpful; it used to be) our headspace has Weird mechanics and is weirdly consistent. we've always been pretty naturally good at like. mapping/figuring out Physical Spaces and such, so i guess that makes sense, but it's been wild to describe it to other plural folks w/ headspaces and have them essentially go "no mine isnt like that at all, what the fuck" we have actually based a couple of different writing projects around it (Prismic Sanctum and Oubliette specifically, both are older projects not currently updating, but still worth a potential read) and continue to mess with it as a worldbuilding concept here and there if i had to boil it down: it's a massive collection of various areas that are all in a consistent layout, that could be mostly mapped out with cardinal directions. so like, if you travel North from Area A, you end up in Area B. you will Always end up there. same thing with traveling through doors, etc. some spaces are vague about distance (like the forest between the mass of highways hanging over a void and the big ashen wasteland; traveling through it has different, inconsistent travel times) but Directions are pretty much always set in stone, even then. physical space also doesnt always make sense. you may go to the 2nd floor of a 4-story apartment building, find a trapdoor in an apartment, go up into it, and end up in a castle that cant physically exist at the same time as the apartment building. but, that trapdoor will ALWAYS lead to that place, so locations are just about Always consistent the type of locations also vary wildly. often theyre either places that are possible in the real world but a bit Off (like an elementary school where gravity outside/on the playground is reversed so you can fall into the sky, or a mansion where the physical space is larger or smaller in comparison to you depending on what doors you walk through), or, theyre entirely surreal spaces that are completely impossible (like the aforementioned clump of many highways suspended over a black void that are lit by yellow streetlights, or the basement thats several miles wide with varying ceiling heights, or the motel where every room leads to some different, impossible space) it can be genuinely fun and interesting to """""Explore""" it, even though i know its just our brain generating all the weird spaces. its like one of those homemade TTRPG games that you play by yourself, where even though a Lot of it is coming from your own imagination, its still fun to mess around with

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

what are your influences/inspirations for your art!! like, stylistically or thematically!

visual art, stylistically:

the Borderlands artstyle obviously. cel shading and outlines my fucking beloved. I am so fucking sad that gbx themselves is kinda toning down on it and that they didn't implement the crosshatch shader they put in teasers for bl3. come the fuck on

the Psychonauts artstyle. even if I do no longer draw in the hyperdeformed style I took from that game I still often deform characters and exagerrate their main features in order to make them more distinct. it also kinda made me addicted to shape language lolmao

Team Fortress 2. I am fucking serious btw. blame that one youtube video on its artstyle. it's been a formative experience for me when I watched it and it stuck itself in my brain. it made me appreciate blockiness/solidity/stockiness in art, as well as teaching me how to limit color palettes and how to draw attention to the important parts of the character by using color contrast.

as for actual artists and not. Video Games. I have been eyeing cubists and futurists recently (even went to a gallery with some of Picasso's earlier works) but it's nothing too substantial as of rn

visual art, thematically:

most of what I draw is characters & fanart so. yeah .

however one thing I've been enjoying recently is redrawing paintings or old photos. usually replacing the ppl in them with my fave old man yaoi. maybe it's cringe but they are a very "love in every time" sort of couple to me so :shrug:

literary art, stylistically:

positivist writing, particularly Lalka by Bolesław Prus. perhaps it's because I consider myself academically inclined, perhaps it's because naturalistic descriptions pander to my Biology Autism, perhaps it's bc of smth else idk

impressionism except not really bc im autistic and thus sensory descriptions come to me naturally

Terry. Pratchett. comparisons in my fics are often snappy(tm) as all fuck because they're, well, Borderlands fics, and to me a Borderlands novel should be Discworld-like. also because Discworld itself slaps

the work of Alexis Kennedy: the guy who wrote a lot of Fallen London, Cultist Simulator and also the Horizon Signal dlc for Stellaris. which is all shit im into. and good lird . its hard to describe you have to read this stuff for yourself

literary art, thematically:

again see the visual art section but largely my fics if they aren't self indulgent fluff are just. taken from my brain tee em because I cover topics or angles that the rest of the fandom wouldn't even think of

Alexis Kennedy again bc he writes gothic/cosmic horror. especially the latter. hoo doggy

other things that in general inspire me:

Darkest Dungeon. both the artstyle and the story have been big influences on me even tho I only played the game once and know everything abt it by watching youtube and bingereading wikis

the legacy of H. P. "Racist" Lovecraft. I guess. what can I say I am a sucker (haha) for those tentacles. except I do everything he ever did sexier and cooler and also he can go roll in his grave

legends, folklore, mythology and occultism. Hellenic of course since that's a big part of Borderlands symbolism but I ain't a coward I throw all that shit in there. slavic (creator bias lollll), norse, japanese, a bit of voudoun, biblical tradition, alchemy, tarot, et cetera. of course I usually don't talk about all the symbols that go into my Everything bc there's a crapton and everyone is entitled to their own interpretations but. yknow! and thats not even accounting for my love of assigning complex motifs to things

[normalhorse]

I have developed a new youtube strategy and if I don't write it down I'll forget but it's working nicely to find wholesome and delightful woodworking stuff I would never have otherwise found/looked at.

ah this is going to go long so executive summary: this is not really about my new youtube strategy but it is about youtube stuff I like and why. And a bit about my youtube strategy I guess. and how I have autism lmao.

For instance this guy:

makes very quietly-spoken, mostly shop footage and talking to camera (and a bit of inserted reference footage or pov shots, too) videos, making nice furniture out of nice hardwoods and self-made recycled skateboard plywood.

This all delivered with an affect my wife wife described as "radiating warmth and light" and a genuinely engaging and crucially understated enthusiasm. perfect blend of cali skater zen and also manual crafts zen.

Obligatory #youtube grammar notes: nothing egregious so far! One word really caught my attention (not enough for me to, like, remember what it was for sure - I think it was furthermore?), as being far enough away from exactly right as to be jarring also (Andrew if you ever read this I am trying very hard to write this in a way that doesn't seem, like, aggressively negative but if it does, [and this is unsolicited criticism so why wouldn't it] as a countermeasure: you're doing great! one and a half weird words in idk half an hour of footage is frankly incredible. and your videos are lovely. thanks!). The 'half' was one instance out of several uses of 'itself' also hit wrong but I can't explain why even to myself so who cares.

Anyway, it's exactly my shit except a lot of his thumbnails look like high energy sfx-heavy youtube maker stuff yelled at me by a bro (Sorry again Andrew once again you are doing great!) which I would never click on except for my grand strategy of:

subscribe early, subscribe often

just like follow links in videos when you watch a nice video and the presenter says 'inspired by a video from ...' - if they make the kind of videos you want, there's a better than average chance people that inspire them do too.

Yes, the second thing should have been blindingly obvious, but I have a medical condition and don't have to notice things.

Mostly it's that the links are now in the readmore of the description field, and I usually don't read those because they register in my brain as post signatures, so I maybe read the whole readmore once per channel.

(for the sake of internet epoch claiming the relevant signatures are on usenet)

That is, I expect the description to have the same content all the time after the obligatory first line modification (i.e. the actual video description text). There's usually a huge identical section of socmed links, affiliate links to products used in the video, affiliate links to endorsed products/channel sponsors generally.

So I didn't know that sometimes there are video/channel links in there, ok? Also there's a popup info panel but I think I adblocked it lmao.

Anyway. Subscribe early, subscribe often, though: Because windows just shuts itself the fuck down whenever it wants, and chrome no longer restores smashed windows by default (presumably for ultimately surveillance-enhancing reasons), and I have watch history turned off on youtube (yeah I know but also listen being paranoid about the internet is my actual job I am allowed to be a weirdo if I want), once I open a linked video in a new tab or whatever, if the video looks cool I subscribe immediately, because I won't watch it now and I'll lose the tab tomorrow.

Anyway this is probably exactly the usage model youtube would like me to have, but because I have watch history turned off I don't get youtube's """highly curated""" recommended bullshit, I only see <search results for niche interest query> and stuff recommended from videos I'm already subscribed to. So like sort of their model but much more actually useful to me.

cool strategy bro

but yeah the real question is hey do you know any more channels like this for carpentry/metalwork/basically any craft stuff? hit me with yr haberdashery yr leatherwork your embroidery - but not cooking for some reason. because they are extremely important for my little mental health right now cheers

[knighta3]

Hi, just in case you miss my reblog of your tags when I block you, you're a transphobe and I hope you get the fuck over yourself someday soon. :)

Me? Get over myself? I'm not the one going out of my way to tell someone I'm blocking them. Get off your high horse. Those drugs aren't good for animals. People like this always take the most bad-faith interpretation possible.

So I've been sitting on this for awhile trying to decide if I wanted to bother replying. Obviously, this person won't see it, unless they go out of their way to check on me for some reason. But this is a topic that I have opinions on that can be difficult to communicate the nuances of, especially with how polarized it is. So I'm using this as an opportunity to sort through my thoughts.

And I have a lot of thoughts, so buckle up.

For context, I've included screenshots of what the person is talking about. The first set of tags is mine, the rest is theirs.

The whole trans concept is a concept. There's an ideology to it. Maybe that wasn't the best way to phrase it, and I apologize for that. But everything is a concept, and that's not necessarily bad. Chill.

It's hard to explain my personal feelings. This isn't a perfect analogy, but it's similar to how I feel about doing drugs. I would never do it, I don't understand why it's appealing to anyone, and I don't recommend anyone do it. But I try not to look down on people who do, and I recognize there are exceptions for medical uses. Minors shouldn't be allowed to do it, but adults can mess themselves up however they want so long as they don't hurt anyone, and a doctor should not lie about the effects it has, or recklessly enable it.

I believe a person needs to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, go through therapy for at least a year, and rule out less drastic treatment methods before being allowed to medically transition(social transition is a different topic that I don't care to discuss right now. So mentions of transition in this post will refer to the medical variety unless otherwise stated). You might be born gender dysphoric, or more masculine/feminine than usual, idk, but being Trans is not something you innately ARE, it's something you BECOME. I don't think anyone is trans until they actually transition. Before that, they're simply gender dysphoric.

Cross-sex hormones and puberty blockers are something that we do not know all the effects of, especially on children(who are still developing and thus have more unpredictable variables in play). Minors should never be allowed to transition. There are too many variables to reliably diagnose chronic gender dysphoria vs other causes of discomfort. (To be clear, I'm using "chronic" as a way to describe a condition that won't simply go away or be grown out of, and requires treatment). People who are not gender dysphoric should not transition, as it is a completely unnecessary risk and I feel it is malpractice for a doctor to allow it. Side note, but gender-affirming surgeries are just cosmetic surgeries and body modification.

I feel the same about medications too. Especially for kids. Meds for AHDH, depression, anxiety, birth control, etc. All meds have risks associated with them. We're altering the way the body naturally functions and pretending to know and control what happens. We do not know all the ways those meds can affect the human body and mind long-term(and it can be different for every individual, doubly so for minors. Deciding whether to introduce meds is a risk vs benefit scenario, especially for kids. If the problem can be treated or sufficiently managed without making a person reliant on drugs, it should be done first. But if the problem is too severe for those less medicalizing treatments, then getting on meds and such should be considered. Because at that point, the benefit outweighs the risk. (For context, I am an adult with diagnosed anxiety and take meds for it. Before taking meds, I tried the normal stuff like exercise and meditation and whatnot, but I was still a mess. I wish meds weren't necessary for me, but they seem to be. I am also ace, so does that make me queer? Or am I disqualified for having the "wrong" opinion?)

The cause of gender dysphoria can vary greatly. This person has latched heavily onto my mention of neurodivergence and assumed I only meant autism, but it's far more multifaceted than that. Gender dysphoria is the condition, and transition is a potential treatment. But the possible underlying causes should be addressed BEFORE considering transition as a treatment.

Maybe some people are born with it, or at least develop it very early with no external causes. I don't have stats, but I feel this is a minority.

Gender Non-Conformity: Some people are simply naturally feminine men/masculine women and they feel that isn't acceptable for whatever reason. So whether or not they are conscious of the reasons for that dysphoria, they feel a societal pressure to transition because they don't fit the gender norms. Others are gay and are in denial over it and choose to "trans the gay away" instead of accept that aspect of themselves. This is common in places like the Middle East, where homosexuality is highly stigmatized and persecuted.

Paraphilia: Some people are just attracted to or aroused by exposing themselves to others, cross dressing, or perceiving themselves as the opposite gender. I'm inclined to think a "trans" woman who exposes male genitalia in woman's spaces and loudly insists that others accept it, no matter how uncomfortable or triggering is could be for others, is not actually gender dysphoric. Drag Queens are not trans, and neither are these people.

Trauma: Some kids suffer from severe trauma, and gender dysphoria can develop as a result. A child suffering from sexual abuse, for example, may rationalize that maybe if they were the opposite sex, they wouldn't have been hurt. So as they develop, they take on traits of the opposite sex to cope with their trauma and become dysphoric. It may not be the most rational of responses, but trauma responses seldom are, especially in kids. Plus, there are cases of DID(Disassociative Identity Disorder) where some alters are different genders from the system's host/body. DID is caused by trauma at a specific age which causes a level of disassociation that splinters into multiple identities(personalities) separated by amnesia walls within the mind. The individual identities carry different parts of the trauma to compartmentalize and cope in order to protect the "host"(the "main" or "primary" identity). Some of the identities develop gender or age dysphoria as a part of their coping mechanism. It's honestly fascinating to observe the variety of ways DID systems will cope with trauma.

Neurodivergence: I have various relatives on the autism spectrum. My sister is high functioning, and a few cousins were diagnosed with Asperger's when that was still considered it's own diagnosis. When people live with a mental condition like that their entire life, they absolutely cannot tell what aspects of themselves is caused by the neurodivergence, what is caused by trauma, what is "normal", or what is just normal for the individual. It would be unfair to assume they can parse out all of that when it's even a struggle for neurotypical people. And there is more to neurodivergence than just autism. Some people don't consider depression/anxiety and such as neurodivergence. But I will when it's chronic/clinical because it is a mental disorder characterized by abnormal brain function. So when I'm having trouble with anxious thoughts, it's difficult to tell what is a reasonable concern(because everyone has occasional feeling of anxiety) vs me just overreacting because of my mental condition. The same applies to depression, self harming behavior, suicidal ideation, etc. I have a friend who took a while to realize she was schizophrenic because she couldn't tell that the extra voices in her head was an abnormal experience. To reiterate, this point is about how people with neurodivergence can't always tell when their experience is abnormal because they have always had this experience and it is normal to them. Recognizing what is different about yourself is a learned skill. Gender dysphoria may or may not occur along with various different neurodivergent conditions.

Autism: One common trait of autism is a male-typical pattern of interaction. Women/girls tend to be more socially/emotionally driven while men are more object/goal driven. This does not apply to everyone, as it is just a broad pattern of typical gender traits. Autistic people tend to struggle with social and emotional relationships with others. So autistic girls in particular struggle to fit in with the other girls, and can feel they fit in better with the boys. But at the same time, the boys might feel weird about hanging with a girl(because of "cooties" behavior, which I'm using to describe the tendency for girls and boys to segregate themselves from each other). Overall, it's not that big of a leap for an autistic girl to conclude that she should actually be a boy and subsequently identify as transgender.

Social Contagion: People, particularly kids/teens, are desperate for an individual identity, but also to fit in and be part of a group. They want attention. And if they can't get "good" attention, they will absolutely settle for "bad" attention(misbehaving, lashing out, rule breaking, deviant/criminal behavior). Children do it all the time, especially with neglectful or strict parents. Dogs even do it, which is one reason they can become disobedient. Also, teens are at an age where they often place more value in their friends and social standing than in their family. So if their friends start identifying as various different LBGTQ+ identities, they will find a label to slap on themselves too so they can fit in. Siblings may follow in their footsteps and also find a label for the sake of a label. Nobody wants to be the straight cis friend these days. People crave a sense of belonging, while also being different from the larger majority for a sense of individuality. Some people choose to be theater kids, band kids, jocks, etc. to accomplish this. But if none of those appeal to them or they can't break into the group, they have to find something else. If people can get attention or validation or a sense of belonging by joining this exclusive trans club, they will. Previous generations were flappers, hippies, hipsters, emo/goth, etc. With insistence that, "it's not a phase, mom!" The biggest difference between those and this is the transgender movement has more permanent effects on the individuals within it, which are potentially harmful if we aren't careful.

Sense of Control: Some of these potentially underlying issues can overlap or cause each other. If the wrong condition is treated, it might not help. For example, anxiety can cause depression. But the depression is a symptom of the anxiety, so treating the depression doesn't solve the underlying cause. When people feel that something about their life is bad, so something about it has to change. And sometimes that something ends up being gender. They feel if they can control some aspect of themselves, things will improve. A girl might become so convinced she can't succeed because she's a girl that she instead decides her chances would be better as a boy. Or a boy is so burdened by the expectations of male gender roles that he thinks life would be easier as a girl. This would probably be coupled with other underlying factors such as depression. In a similar vein, skipping straight to a transition rather than addressing underlying conditions first won't ease the turmoil. If anything, it would make it worse. Because if you think transitioning would fix all your problems, and then it doesn't, it would make you feel more hopeless.

Puberty: First, young kids are exploring the world around them and that is often done through play. Trying on mom's shoes or messing with her makeup or playing with dolls and sparkles does not mean a young boy is a trans girl. And playing with dirt or toy trucks or wanting to play sports or hating dresses does not make a young girl a trans boy. Kids are just kids and should be left to play and explore. They observe reactions around them, and if being "trans" gets them praise, they will do it. Teens are going through a tumultuous and unstable phase of life where they are still searching for their own identity and trying things out. It is horrendously irresponsible to enable any impulsive life-altering choices. Puberty is uncomfortable and can cause temporary gender dysphoria in a lot of teens. I went through it too, before I had ever heard of the concept of transgenderism. I felt I didn't fit in with the other girls, so I wondered if I was born in the wrong body because I had a little more noticeable hair than the others. Most kids/teens will grow out of it. "Oh, puberty blockers just pause puberty to give kids a chance to decide" No, no, no. Puberty blockers were initially used as a way to chemically castrate sex offenders. I would never trust that for kids. And, ironically, if the kids don't go through their natural birth-sex puberty, they won't have enough of the needed tissue for a bottom surgery if they wanted to go that route. Which significantly increases the chances of potential complications associated with the surgery.

Side tangent, but still somewhat relevant, but I'm reminded of castrati. Castrato were men who were castrated as young boys before going through puberty(as opposed to eunuchs, who were castrated after puberty). They were stars of the opera because they retained the higher vocal range of a young boy, but with the lung capacity and power of a man. They were particularly common in areas that didn't allow women to perform, such as Italy. Because castrato were highly desired in the music industry, but had to be set on that path young, parents would have their pre-pubescent sons castrated around the ages of 8-12 to give them just the chance for this "lavish" career path. The operation wasn't legal, and considered barbaric even at the time, but parents would make up excuses such as falling off a horse or animal attack where the castration would be considered a treatment. But becoming an opera singer wasn't easy and required intense musical training. Castrati who didn't succeed in the field were relegated to a life of ridicule, poverty, and/or prostitution. The lack of testosterone could cause their bones to grow longer instead of harden, so they would be abnormally tall and have large rib cages(similar to gigantism), and be prone to conditions such as osteoporosis. Plus an increased tendency toward obesity. It was common to develop feminine features. Overall, they were seen as something of a "freak show." The practice slowly died off, but didn't really end until the early 1900's. Most castrati were forced into this lifestyle by desperate, poverty-stricken families. But the desired fortune didn't come for most, they were often ostracized for neither being a full man nor a woman, but rather something subhuman, and died in poverty and ridicule. It doesn't matter how well-meaning the family may or may not have been. The result was ruined lives.

I don't say any of this to invalidate the experience of gender dysphoria or of trans people. I say this because people are being hurt without proper safeguards. The suicide rate of trans people does not significantly change before or after transition. This suggests that transitioning itself does not treat the underlying cause of their misery. And the rate of detransitioners is rising because we are too quick to affirm feelings of transness and fail to filter out those who would end up regretting it because it was "just a phase". Then, once they become detrans, they're totally rejected by the trans community as "never trans in the first place". Even though the Detrans person transitioned in the first place because they believed they were trans and that a transition would solve their problems. It isn't fair to scorn them when it didn't work out for them. They still went through the experience of transitioning, which is still a valid trans experience.

Detrans people suffer irreversible harm that could have been totally preventable if their medical care providers had bothered to do any proper screening and pushback. If a person would truly benefit from a transition, then they could absolutely confirm that by going through the whole process. If they can't get through the process, then they shouldn't transition in the first place.

What is concerning is that suicide rates don't significantly change before/after transition, and most gender dysphoric people seem to have a some degree of trauma or mental illness in their background, which indicates to me that there is more going on than just being "born that way". And I think it is vital to the health and well-being of these people to acknowledge and explore why.

I don't think it's transphobic to believe gender dysphoria, and transgenderism by extension, can have underlying factors that should be looked into and thoroughly addressed before pursing a transition as a means to relieve distress.