#idk it's like I'm scared to have confidence in my own stuff

[melodic-haze]

hear me out brat!chiori x service top!reader where she teases you all the time both in public and private until you just cant take it anymore and finally snap and fuck her until shes sobbing from overstimulation and cant think or speak at all and only begging for you to breed her over and over again

☆ — DEMO TRACK: power bottom!Chiori x service top!gp!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: fem reader with a dick, overstim and.....tbf it's all up in the asks actually

☆ — NOTES: I really shouldn't have been given the ability to read and write idk but anyway I love mean lesbians 🫶 even though ik I'd be scared of them irl (I AM a mean lesbian idk what I'm on about)

Oh my god she's be an INSUFFERABLE brat though???? Not cuz she's cheeky and sly as hell, not like for example Miko, but bc she KNOWS she can easily tease and making you want what you Cannot Have

She'd drop her scissors on accident and bending down in a way that showcases her own specially made lingerie (mostly made with you in mind, though she reserves said special designs for your eyes only—she'd never admit it but designs for YOU and her customers are two completely different things 🤷‍♀️) or make you help her with something and then 'accidentally' grazing skin one way or another (nothing too disastrous, she can't jeopardise her work for ANYONE)

Chiori wouldn't outright say stuff plainly though cuz that's crass and she's much more classier than that, who do you think she is??? She WOULD outright make innuendos and double entendres with a glint in her eye and a mocking tone, however 💀 just to piss you off a bit

"Hold these steady for me, would you? You're capable of that much."

As you scrambled to pin down two bits of fabric on the mannequin, she pulls away with a light smirk. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly at the remark, "I'd like to think I'm a lot more capable than what you've been insinuating the entire day."

"Are you?" She turns away to head to her worktop, "I suppose that with my direction, you can.. well, satisfy basic needs."

"You say that like I'm not capable of directing myself."

"You would lack the necessary finesse to please me."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, "Thanks for the faith. But we both know you're downplaying what I can do."

"But do we?" The designer turns back to you, sewing equipment in hand and a nonchalant look in her gaze, "Perhaps I've been unimpressed with your performance thus far."

"Then you'd be complaining about me in every waking moment."

"Don't I already?"

"True. Someone really needs to shut you up every once in a while."

"Oh?" She approaches you.. and the mannequin, you supposed, "Mind supplying an example?"

"Uh, me? I think I'm in the best position to do so."

And your lover scoffs mockingly, "You're rather confident in thinking that you could force me down."

"I'm confident that I can put you in whatever position I want."

Perhaps there was something she saw in your eyes, a brief flash of something dark that flickered through for a second, but you see a light flush coat her cheeks as she lets out a shaky exhale.

"..Do tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night," she airily responded as her hands pressed back onto the fabric, to which you took the action as a sign of a dismissal, "Archons know I'm not going to sing you praises or tuck you in at night."

"Hmm."

Ofc it's not limited to your outside interaction, cuz you're hashtag lucky to see it inside too!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!! Get your dose of irritation 🫶🫶 if you're a patient bitch as well then that's even worse cuz she may actually up the ante just for the sake of it in bed. In public she actually appreciates you being understanding with her bluntnese but in private? Lol have fun

It's not that she does it just cuz either, I think she'd do it for the sake of seeing just how much you can take until you snap. She seems like a believer of the whole "raw emotions = raw capability" thing, and she'd definitely test you more than once just to see how much you can take before you flip out

She doesn't say anything about how there's that hidden desire to see you turn things against her and actually put her in her place after she's being such a brat the entire day though

"Ngh..! I said to go-- sssslowER--"

"I.. don't think.. I'll listen to you right now," you managed to force out as you pinned her on the mattress, hammering the brat underneath you with your length as if desperate to paint her insides white.

At some point, your patience had eventually run out. She had this constantly challenging look in her eyes that followed her all the way to the bedroom, and her words had reflected on that too.

You wanted to please her, to satisfy her the way you knew you could, you swore.. but it always wasn't enough for her, or maybe you got it all wrong, or her demands were so unbearably contrasting despite the fact that you could have sworn that her reactions indicated that you were on the right track. Really, you just had no choice but to take matters in your own hands the same way you took this insatiable designer's hair, now loose from its usual style; hard and forceful.

Chiori's hands practically clawed the sheets, her small build helpless as you moved her like some sort of ragdoll—whyever would she fight it, though?

And as if used to obeying your commands, she does. She looks at the vanity mirror just a short distance away from the bed, looks at her ruined makeup smudged on her face, looks at the apex of her thighs that drip and glisten with a mix of her transparent essence and the backwash of your cum.

"This was what you've been aiming for, isn't it? I'm doing what-- fffuuck.. what you demanded of.. of me." You lifted her up without hesitation, with your other hand on her lower abdomen as you continued your relentless pace, "May as well.. mmf.. watch."

Perhaps there was something to the sight that snapped the last of her fighting composure in half—maybe it was the way you forced her to look at your live methods of discipline, maybe it was the way your dick hit a certain spot inside her due to the change in angle, or maybe it was the way you had looked at her in the mirror with a dark, heady mixture of lust and frustration.

Either way, it had her hips practically stuttering as she opened her mouth to scream.. only for nothing to come out save for a broken, cut-off start of such a sound. Her body for a brief moment before going limp and leaning back into you.

You also see—and feel—a deluge of hot liquid squirt out a certain distance and onto your still-moving cock.

Really, nothing about the situation or the reactions you're recieving is deterring you from overwhelming her more than enough to render her quiet and satisfied.

Even as her hands struggled to grip onto your own that's pushing into where her womb is located, where you're hitting her at your deepest, you didn't stop. Even as she sobbed and actually threw her sharp pride aside to plead for you to spare her from further overstimulation, you didn't stop.

Again, why would you? You're going to make sure she comes out of this sated.. even if that did mean fucking a few braincells out of your lover.

(Though with the way she was smiling whorishly, you have more than a feeling that she wanted you to do so.)

(..Not like you'd ever use such language aimed at her outside private walls, lest you want to experience her ire rather than her desire.)

Get it?? Cuz. Cuz like. Desire??? Des-ire?????? Haahahhahahahahah oh my god I think I'm gonna go ballistic one day

She loves being treated like a classy lady, she loves being treated like a queen, but she ALSO loves being roughhoused and railed to the moon and back—she's not a delicate bitch she can handle it 🤷‍♀️ just like how she Knows you can handle a bit of a bratty personality (though really such a thing should probably be guaranteed anyway to be with her without getting all ratty)

She'd call you a fuckign brute, she'd call you names, but at the end of the day all she'd want is for you to fill her and fuck her until nooooo coherent thought is left 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

It's satisfying at the end when you're done when Chiori's simply laying there, eyes completely glazed over as she struggles to get back to reality as you've painted her insides (and outsides tbh) white. Maybe this is your own artform, with Chiori's being clothing design AHAHAHA anyway 🫶

"So how'd I.. ugh," you unceremoniously flopped onto the bed, grimacing at the very wet sheets and the inevitable cleanup you're dreading of doing later, "how'd I do?"

"..."

"Chiori? Babe?"

"..Give me a minute, would you?" She groaned out hoarsely, her usual grace to her movements and edge to her voice gone and replaced with a much more.. relaxed, casual tone, you supposed, "Asking a girl to rate your performance after using her like a feral beast is in poor taste."

"Okay, but you more than asked for it, really."

"I don't recall doing such a thing."

"You're only especially difficult when you want that sort of treatment."

"I'm never difficult for no good reason."

You raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

Your girlfriend stares you down with a tired glare.. before relenting shortly after with an affectionate eyeroll, "I told no lie, I needed the break from..."

"Thinking?"

"Yes. Perhaps."

"Bad week?"

"Annoying clients."

"I can ward them away for you," you suggest as you opened your arms to her.

"No need—I can do so myself." You half expected her to keep you hanging until you decide to drop your arms.. but then she moves closer to you, eventually letting herself be enclosed in a hug, "..But thank you for the offer."

Any form of initial surprise from the acceptance in affection easily melts into that warm buzz that never fails to make you happy every time Chiori indulges in something remotely affectionate, "You're welcome."

..Perhaps clean-up can wait later.

The surprising thing would never be how bratty she is or how depraved she becomes with enough of a push tbh, but rather her showing blatant affection for you at any given time. Post-coital afterglow doesn't necessarily give her much of an extra urge to cuddle—if anything she's usually averse considering how sweaty and gross it'd feel to her after........but surprise affections are a very VERY welcome surprise :3

Tbh even then idk if sex is a common thing that happens between you, even when you're in a relationship 🤔 but it'd still be juicy either way. Something about how absence makes the heart grow fonder, except it just makes your cock go harder idfk LMAO

It's like 2 am rn guys this is my only explanation for all this

[aro-culture-is]

i’m like 99% sure you can ask for advice here so here goes

so, basically i have a queerplatonic/platonic crush on my band president. AND I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT KNOW HOW I DEAL WITH IT. so, for some context we started talking last year because i just joined the school and the bad and we started talking around mid-year and we weren’t that close orginally but there was this night we had a long, deep convo and after that we started to get really close. after two months, i started to have strong feelings for her (but not romantic) and i think it’s a platonic or queerplatonic crush and i didn’t really go to school and band that often for a while because of autoimmune disease and when i was there i tried not to make it seem like i’m too excited to see her which kinda makes me worried that she thinks i’m iggoring her but we text a lot so. anyway, even though we usually don’t interact irl that much [:(] we still do sometimes, and whenever my score has a rest i always look at her. especially when she has a solo. one time we went to experience this colleg band thing and i asked for a hug and she accepted❤️ i wanna hug her again. i do kinda wanna get touchy with her but not TOO MUCH, y’know? besides, i’m shy/nervous around her and anyway, she’s alloromantic. but anyway, today during our cca fair we kind of kept on kinda locking eyes (accidentally?? idk. but i know i was doing it on purpose) and it made my aromantic heart flutter

anyways so i don’t know what to do should i say i have a platonic/qpr crush on her? though i can’t tell which one it is…..

uhhhhh so, as a nonpartnering sort, I think I'm gonna give some general advice, and leave the specifics to the crowd.

broadly: do you know her views on queer stuff? could you casually bring up "oh, I was reading a queer story --", or if you know she's queer-friendly, "oh, out of curiosity, how many of the flags do you know?" type of stuff? Just, get a general vibe of her views of 1) queer people, 2) what she does and doesn't know or think she knows, and 3) if she knows about aromanticism, what she thinks it is and how she feels about aro folks.

I like to start there personally, because it gives you a lot better of a place to start a conversation about your own identity if you have a common ground on what feelings and definitions are being used. It's really easy, I find, for someone to confidently state they know what something is / what you mean, and be totally off base to the point that you're having totally separate conversations and don't even know it.

To use an example: in high school I had a friend who... lovingly, he grew up rich and sheltered, and probably only was not diagnosed as autistic because he was low support needs. His social skills were, lovingly again, as well informed as he could make them, but executed like a train wreck that most everyone attributed to "boy genius is a little weird". (He was, simultaneously, the heart throb of our school, and a lot of guys realized some queerness because of him, but that's a whole other funny story)

He was super nice about me coming out as trans, but clearly in a "he's confused but got the spirit" way. No idea what I meant, but he knew it meant a lot to me. A few weeks after that, he quietly admitted, "I thought it was about like, gender roles like cooking and cleaning and stuff, and I'm starting to get the impression I might not be right about that."

...

So, I now recommend everyone start with "let's get on the same page about what things mean" before having any big identity chats lol. It often leads to a quiet revelation on their side that you're guiding it to "Hi, I am that identity", but also puts it in a place where they're free to ask questions, and in my experience, treat it a little more thoughtfully and seriously than if it were a fly-by "heyyyyy i am aro and i am scared of this conversation, bye!" that can happen with enough anxiety. totally (/sarcasm) not speaking from experience.

hope that helps? from there, just... keep up communicating, leveling the knowledge field, and if a relationship is what you want, do the work. talk about what that means for you. ask what it means to her. talk about if that's compatible, and how conflicts might be navigated. if that goes well, congrats! if not, congrats! you've probably avoided the messier options, even if it isn't what you'd like.

[self-indulgent-blorbo-writing]

Idk what im gonna title this one

Summary: Li Ling gets comfort after what he experienced during Seek The Unknown (not the part about him dying, the part about his existential crisis and fear for his loved ones post-trial)

TW: hurt/comfort? Idk (if you find triggers in this feel free to tell me)

Oh also @palettemonster not the Li Ling fanfic I was originally talked about but I'm down to just tag you in any Li Ling stuff I post lmao

Anyways yea heres the shit writing lmao

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

It was many hours into the night when Li Ling returned to his apartment. He expected to find (Y/N) asleep in their shared bed, but instead they were awake, cleaning.

(Y/N) turned to Ling with a smile "Welcome home baby!" They murmured, pulling him into a hug. Ling hugged back, making sure to be quiet "baby what are you doing up?"

(Y/N) was about to answer when they noticed the look in Ling's eyes, like the light has left and he was trying to appear okay. (Y/N) guided him to their couch and sitting down with him.

"Baby, what happened?" They inquired "I heard about you getting stronger and transforming but I don't know much else." They wanted to help but they had no idea about the truths Li Ling learned about the horrors of the world they lived, and Ling wanted to keep it that way.

"It's nothing." He asserted, not wanting his sweetheart to deal with the same dread he was feeling but they did not give up. "Ling, please, I'm worried. Xuan texted me to check on you because you seemed colder and more detatched, and now it looks like all of the happiness you carried is just....gone."

Ling sighed "you're right, but I don't want give you the same crappy feelings that I'm feeling." He hoped that (Y/N) would leave it alone then but they obviously didn't.

"Ling. You are my boyfriend. That means when you have an existential crisis, I try to lessen that pain." (Y/N) asserted with their arms on their hips, giving Ling a glare that said 'I'm not mad at you, but I do hope you open up to me.'

Ling frowned, feeling a lump form in his throat. He wanted so badly to confide in them, but he also felt that this burder shouldn't be theirs to carry. After a while of hesistation, he felt the tears start to flow so he turned away to wipe at them as (Y/N) also noticed and hugged him.

(Y/N) sighed, trying to comfort him "Ling, baby, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but you should tell someone. Whatever it is, it's too painful for you to carry on your own."

Ling let out a shaky sigh, wiping his face before he decided to tell everything. "We did the miracle trial, but we learned that...that the miramon in the trial were previous espers that failed the trial." He took a breath "those people turned into miramon. And now I'm scared that one day everyone I care about is gonna turn into miramon too."

(Y/N) clung to him, frowning as they now understood why he was so hesistant on telling them. Nonetheless they made sure not to show any distress "I'm so sorry you went through that baby. That sounds horrible." They held him close and made sure to comfort him by playing with his hair before continuing

"...your master was there with you, right? Maybe he might have some wisdom to make this easier on you. If not, well, this is when you finally get a therapist." They joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Ling laughed, which put a smile on (Y/N)'s face "after that? Yea I might just finally talk to someone."

They both shared a small laugh, then sat in silence before (Y/N) yawned and before they could speak, Ling picked them up and carried them to bed "now that the heart-to-heart is over let's go to sleep."

(Y/N) laughed and nodded, making sure to cuddle up to Ling as they laid down and drifted off. Ling now had many burdens on his shoulders due to what he had experienced, but he would never have to carry them alone.

[teenycat]

you said you had lore ideas, my friend? Spill the beans (It's wheezer's alt)

(this is a post about potential tlkoe thrull redemption arcs to anyone stumbling here without context)

hoooo boy i'm gonna try to organize this into something of a list. it's still gonna be chaotic and lengthy as all heck and probably will be missing context in some bits tho so strap in

looking over all my unused au ideas, ive found most of the thrull redemptions depend on a few primary motivations

we don't know his canon motivations for being evil yet other than "he's loyal to rezzoch" so i've cobbled together a couple of my own

there probably will be a canon backstory for thrull in the books but they havent gotten there yet so my best guesses so far in no particular order are:

vengeance

he's mad at the world, maybe he was the victim of some systemic injustice, maybe he just got really screwed over by one nasty individual. anyway whatever hurt him, he wants to see it burn.

here he can learn to forgive their mistakes and/or realize that he's messing everything up way worse than whoever messed him up. he's repeating a cycle and making things worse, not better

fear

he witnessed the full power of rezzoch, maybe he's witnessed civilisations crumbling at her touch, maybe he's semi-possessed and being threatened regularly, maybe he made a warlock-style pact and rezzoch might collect his soul at any moment and he wants to pay off his debt. anyway end point is he's scared and thinks the only way he and everything he cares about can be spared is by getting on rezzoch's good side.

this kinda arc would be centered around building his confidence. if a thirteen year old kid can beat off rezzoch with nothing but a baseball bat and the power of friendship, so can you big man.

uh... grooming?

this is probably not the best word but idk what other way to say it. some other member of the cult or maybe even a deity, maybe even rezzoch herself, but someone he looked up to and tried to imitate/impress pressured him to join when he didnt know better.

again, confidence. that person never had your best interests in mind and they might not even be around anymore. you dont owe them undying loyalty and the fate of the realm lol

this one i like the best

maybe someone he cares about is trapped in rezzoch's dimension and he's trying to unleash everything from that realm even if it means dooming ours and his own.

we could either find an alternative way to free said person/thing, or just have thrull learn to cope with losing them/it.

not sure if this counts as its own reason, probably just an additional part of any of the above

he screwed up somethin real bad and now he thinks he's too far gone to go back.

redemption is learning self love idk

SPOILERS FOR The Monster Dimension

we learn near the end of book 10 that thrull used to be a hero/adventurer with his own crew n stuff, a whole bunch of parallels were drawn between him and jack. he's probably got a bunch of heroic qualities buried under the evil-ness which i think would be so so cool to explore

he probably loves the thrill of hand-to-hand combat with worthy enemies, the freedom of the open road, grateful smiles of the people he saved, the brotherhood forged between allies who have seen battle together... i wouldnt be surprised if he was secretly into romance n stuff even tho it's not a big thing in monster culture

i really. REALLY want to see him as a father figure for jack. i an unused au where its just. jack latching onto thrull and thrull getting attached over time. they have stuff in common and. idk it just tickles my brain. he doesn't even have to be redeemed. thrull could stay evil and convince jack to join the dark side or sum. i'm GOING to make a toxic paternal thrack au the moment i get the motivation to make a solid storyline

i honestly think part of the reason i like him so much is cause we've seen so little of his character so i can just spit whatever flavors i want onto him and have it still fit into canon

gnawing on this stupid stupid withered old crusty man

anyway if you're still reading then thanks for listening to me yap i didnt think anyone would actually b interested because im not great with words

[sanderssidesthehouse]

For the character bingo, could you do Roman?

Absolutely!

Circle sizes represent my confidence in marking them.

I unfortunately don't have it anymore bc a few years back I deleted my sasi blog like a fool bc I thought I wouldn't need it, but one of the first things I said when Remus was introduced was how Roman suddenly made so much more sense. As someone with both younger and older siblings, it was a moment of clarity. He just acts like someone with a sibling. Idk if this point really clarifies anything, but it was something that made me like him more.

I need my bb boy to get out of his people pleasing era. I'm just going to go ahead and quote my unreliable narrators post bc it's relevant (sorry I keep doing this, I just happen to be right about stuff in that post):

Roman does that thing that Patton does where he tries to be what everyone wants him to be but like… to an even more extreme degree. Where Patton pushes his emotions down and sometimes tries to seem like he knows more than he does bc he feels like he’s supposed to, Roman literally will be thinking and feeling one thing but do the exact opposite and will self sabotage to an extreme degree. He WANTED to go to that call back. (...) He agreed with Janus but felt like he was supposed to agree with Patton so despite it making him miserable in every possible way, he did what he thought he had to to make sure Patton still loved him. Roman is devastatingly tragic (...) All this to say that you can’t judge what he’s thinking and feeling by what he says and does.

I do think it's so interesting how Roman really liked Deceit when he first popped up (bc Janus was playing to Roman's role as the Ego) and really only didn't like that he was pretending to be other people, a betrayal of trust, and doesn't really have a problem with Janus until after he declares they won't be going to the call back. He is literally trying so hard ALL OF THE TIME. And he must still feel like he can't do anything right.

Roman is so crunchy to me bc he has an excess of fatal flaws and non current internal way to balance them out. He doesn't trust himself to the point that he outsourced his views on right and wrong. A loyal knight marking a fallible side's word as absolute, and in his pursuit of what is just, he's fallen on his own sword only to see what he thought was wrong embraced by his lord as he bleeds out. This is a tragedy. Someone please help him.

Part of the reason he doesn't trust himself like that, is bc he's just not confident in himself at all. There are certain things he can do and knows he can do well. But being confident in a handful of abilities doesn't make you confident in yourself. He is so scared of being cast out (like what happened last we saw) and it makes him second guess himself. If he messes up, then he'll be the one staring down the sword instead of holding it. That's what he believes anyway. We can all know that's not true, but it doesn't change his deep seated fear. He HAS to be the hero. Without that, he has nothing.

I also think his insecurities play well with Remus's just existence. That could have been Roman cast aside. Still could be. What if he wasn't good like they thought? What if his good wasn't good enough? They've set an unfortunate precedent of tossing 'unsavory' parts into the abyss, and Roman can feel the breeze coming up from where he stands at the precipice. Even the slightest misstep will send him tumbling down.

Right so, I'd apologize about the Roman angst, but I'm not sorry. As always, anyone and everyone is encouraged to add on with their two cents!

[tobytail]

sharing some of my thoughts / where i am right now with this fetish because it is My Blog and I am Annoying:

i think i've come to the conclusion that my enjoyment of feedism is slightly atypical? it's definitely affected in part by my own like, lack of confidence and body neutrality. trauma and how i was raised. one year of radical bodily acceptance and purposefully gaining weight to feel embodied and more like yourself, surprisingly, *isn't* going to undo 20 years of being raised to believe your fat body is abhorrent. it's already slightly abnormal to be a feedist in this community who didn't start out skinny so i've always felt slightly othered anyway.

anyway. while i've undeniably enjoyed the process of purposefully gaining weight and being at my biggest now (330~ lbs) i think that, when coming back to reality, the fantasy of gaining weight is maybe a bit more enjoyable for me? stuff like, idk, outgrowing clothes *was* sexy at the time, but it still never left me how it was something ive always been taught was bad. so i always had a feeling of inner guilt despite enjoying myself. so the fantasy of the weight gain is probably a bit more healthy for me?

and like i don't want anyone to think i'm in my "skinny era" and i hate all (other) fat people now etc but i do think i'm going to pursue losing some of the weight ive purposefully gained. like i said earlier i really did love my body when i was actively gaining and it did make me feel more like myself - in all honesty in a few years time when i have my own place post-uni i'm probably likely to gain even more weight.

like i enjoy being fat and its apart of my personality and presentation etc. but... i am also actually disabled. quitting my job definitely helped with regaining a lot of mobility and not being in so much agony but the past week i have been in a LOT of physical pain (which really isn't normal for me) and i do actually think that it would help me if i lost just a little weight unfortunately. if i became skinny i would still be disabled! and also i don't want to be skinny! im not disabled because im fat, my injury had nothing to do with my weight, but im hypermobile kind of everywhere in my body, particularly in my back, so the extra weight has been pulling on it a bit more i presume. also I'm scared of going to physio because they're just going to tell me to lose weight :-(

nothing crazy though im essentially just trying to add a bit more movement and actually not drink wg shakes or use heavy cream in pastas and eat until i explode (though i reserve that luxury once a week LOL)

also i can't lie but i do not remember any post i've made on here before and even scrolling through this blog and seeing my text posts has me confused asf . so i don't think that's a good thing ! LMAO.

also also the feedism and the furry-ism are definitely comorbid LOOL.

tldr: i still like feedism but i am currently in a "hating myself" phase so i'm not actively gaining and potentially pursuing wl. wl is mostly to support my disabled body as my mobility is super important to me, especially with my degree/career path! also i'm literally only really looking to get under 300 or close to it for now to see if there's any improvements. im still going to be fat as fuck!!!!! also im mentally ill and a furry RAWR

[the-haunted-office]

🎊 Sometimes you just make me so happy I don’t know what to do. I really enjoy seeing the things your characters get into, especially Doom not taking any of James' shit (and him sometimes not getting the hint) and hilarity ensuing.

IDK if this is a weird thing to say/do, and I do apologize if it is, but yours are pretty much the only OCs that are not my own that I find myself imagining AUs and different stuff for in my head, and your plots have me thinking about them long after we've finished them (case and point: last night I was thinking about the one where Rourke figured out the interdimensional rift thing, and the AU in my head saw him and Doom using what he theorized there and successfully making an interdimensional engine for a spaceship, which was given the name 'Doomsday-Rourke ID drive" (he said it sounds better that way, plus alphabetical order of their names). Basically, they made interdimensional travel possible, something the Rovarians hadn't been able to do yet.)

Apologies for the word vomit there. Anyway:

🎨 You RP subjects I’m inexperienced with, but want to get better! Help! - okay, this one isn't EXACTLY what I'm saying, but it's the closest I could find in the meme. I wish I had the confidence in myself, my writing, and my characters to write the kind of in-depth conflicts you say you like to do and want to do, that make things more interesting. I don't want to be boring,, but I'm just too scared I'm going to screw things up and do permanent damage to their relationships, and I don't want to do that because, as I'm sure you can imagine and understand, that wouldn't be very fun for either of us, and I enjoy your writing and writing with you a lot. I've been able to kinda improve my writing (I think) overall since I started doing things with you, and you've gotten me to try a bit of a different style than I was used to (present tense style). Basically, I've learned a lot writing with you and it's helped me in many ways, and.....I wish I could do something for you in return and be able to do the kind of things you want to do. Unfortunately, as I said, I do not have the confidence in myself, my writing, or my characters to be able to do it.

Sorry again for the (second) word vomit.

Mun Communication meme;;

Hey, I appreciate you sending this in!

I want you to know that, we can do AUs and things at any time! If you have any ideas you want to explore, hit me up and let's talk about it. More often than not, I'm telling you now, it's probably gonna be something I'll be interested in doing. x) Especially with our fools.

And something else? I'm actually dying for someone else to take the lead on things. PLEASE. I feel like 9/10 times I'm the one leading things in plots and in threads and just in general, and while I generally don't mind this, it does get tiring after a while. At some point, I'd like to be the one playing the more passive role in threads and plots, where my muses are the ones following along and someone else is leading where things are going. Someone else has set up the plot and is controlling the environment. So often I end up leading the environment and driving the direction of things, or it's my muses who are the ones driving the plot or taking care of other people's muses, coming to the rescue, etc... I'd really like to be able to have my muses be rescued, or following instead of leading. You know? So PLEASE, if you want to take the lead on things with your ideas, by all means, let's do it.

As for the second part of what you sent, I do like to rp more complicated subjects, but that doesn't mean we have to do that. Especially since a lot of times it ends up with our muses arguing and being mad at each other and stuff. I like conflicts and banter and angst, but threads don't always have to include that stuff. Adventures and danger and rescue missions and things like that are just as fulfilling too. I tend to lean into more abstract ideas than literal, but I can always try for more direct plots. :p

I'm honored that you've found some inspiration in the things we've roleplayed together, though! I've had a lot of fun too. Our muses are a bunch of dopes. I know Doom can be a cranky little thing, but she does love your boys. We can work out what works best, it doesn't have to be all angst between them. Doom loves getting into trouble, as you know. x)

[sigmxnd]

okay poll is saying yes so im going for it (this is gonna get very rambly and might not all connect or be coherent but oh well)

i've realized i love taking my favorite characters and putting a bunch of the same hcs to them cause i like making my favorites more like me

i know why this happens, its cause im silly and i look at these characters and my brain just goes "i like that" and then i just ARYARAYAEAGA4AYA and get rabies, but also like a lot of the time i look at these characters that more often than not i see myself in them

these stupid dumb dirt eating rebellious evil losers just exist and i see stuff happen to them for the plot and i just go "i see you. i know you. you're just like me fr" but they aren't real so they don't know i understand them but yknow

but at the same time its always an internal battle cause i percieve other people's opinions and hcs all the time, but at the same time i'm so utterly terrified of sharing most of my stuff and my own hcs that i'm not confident in for fear of being percieved and having someone else think I'M weird. and yeah i am weird but i don't wanna be seen as like. bad weird

i just recently shared that i hc mike and zeke as being autistic, cause as a peer reviewed autistic i find it extremely comforting and it makes me super happy to think of them like that, but like they're not the only ones i think of that way. it's pretty much all of them that i think of that way, which makes sense, but idk it makes me feel a lil weird

ik i can do whatever i want (within reason) but it feels almost strange to do all this when i currently don't even have access to the rest of the td seasons AND there's not a lot of hc differences between them, and it feels cringe or something idk

but anyway i love making jokes about how i am absolutely INFATUATED😍✨️‼️ with both duncan and scott and i hate courtney with such a burning seething passion. she was so mean to both of them, i can fix them (or also make them worse. i could do that for funzies)

tl;dr: I'M CRAZY I'M OFF THE WALLS I'M NUTS I'M BONKERS I'M SILLY I'M GOOFY I'M WACKY I'M SO UTTERLY GOOBERISH (i'm scared to talk about all of my hcs for my favorites out of fear of people looking at me with their EYES, and probably something else. sorry guys my own post doesn't even make sense to me)

sigmund silly sessions will happen again, this was fun to just vomit my thoughts

[elvenbeard]

V Then and Now

Yes, I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon too! XD Even though I feel like Vince really hasn't changed much at all, but AMM defintiely gave me an opportunity to take better pics of him :D Because poses <3 and subtle expressions <3 "look at" feature, my beloved <3

2022/12/18

This was the first pic of him I ever took in Photomode where you could actually see his face XD I had taken scenic pics mostly until then, or him just standing somewhere and looking into the distance. I remember that it felt weird to take pics of him at first... I figure, since it's a first person game and you don't really see your character's face up close that much, it was always like "uh, hello sir, sorry for approaching so closely" initially xD he felt a little bit like a stranger. Glad I'm over that now :D

I'm a chronic screenshot taker though, and so this is not technically his "oldest" pic I have. That would be this:

2022/11/27

The usual "oh no, I like this guy... better take shots of all his sliders real quick so I don't lose him if I wanna play him again!"

But my most favourite early pic of him that I shared with everyone back then was from the 6-month-montage:

Idk there is just something about it that really... captured his essence in a sense and the brainrot started XD Little cocky bastard coming into his own finally but still has to hype himself up in front of the bathroom mirror bc on the inside he's just a scared kid really xD And that hasn't changed until now - yeah I can say with relative confidence that his personality did not change much, just became more well-rounded over the months, he has a very well-developed backstory now, and I keep getting to know him better and better as I'm slowly going through my second playthrough xD

2023/07/18

He's still an edgy bastard, but he got his tattoos upgraded to something fitting his vibes better :3 His fashion sense is still soemthing that stands out, even more so now than it used to! That is probably the biggest change from that early shot, his wardrobe fitting his corpo background and personality more (cause first time around I was so caught up in story stuff and didn't really know yet what options there were in terms of clothing and styles... so I just put him in that random Wraiths jacket for a large part of my first playthrough xD I still like that style of jacket a lot, and him just running around shirtless under his coats and jackets bc gotta show off those tats :3).

2023/07/01

I am very very happy with his looks and as of right now I'm not really planning on changing anything big about his physical appearance. He is and always was (and always will be) equipped with very little cyberware, he has tattoos that fit him now (although I might expand on them in the future for a potential post-2077 appearance). I still wanna do an updated wardrobe post and mod him some custom top surgery scars, but I liked him a lot from the start and feel like if I changed him too much it wouldn't be my Vince anymore xD

[skrs-cats]

I have reread sunrise (the first actual wc book I've ever owned) and it's been WILD reliving a few of my memories with all the made up stuff I've accumulated in brainrot over the three, now I have all these thoughts that I have to vomit out. Aka a REALLY LONG incomprehensible ramble post abt the ending book of po3. Mostly about lionblaze though. I'm sory

*IDK how many times I've mentioned this, but chapter 1 starting out w lion leaving the df for good and beating tigerstar in a fight ALWAYS makes me wonder how things would have been affected if he just straight up went for the killing blow. I've only ever read books 1-5 once, so I don't have the best memory, but I think it's interesting to note that tigerstar managed to actually injure him, and lion was scared that if he died here he'd be dead for real, and then lion was surprised to see the wound when he woke up. I'm just wondering if these facts were first introduced here or if I just have tunnel vision towards this book (which is also true)

*'lionblaze always knew there was something wrong between him and ashfur' no shit bitch 😩😩😩😩😩 and then there's lion wondering if cats suspect him as ashfurs killer, something to do about everyone realizing how they never got along. and NOW I'm thinking about lion ending his df dream w tigerstars blood on his paws, and how that might have made the READERS suspect HIM to be the killer (leafpool prolouge chapter contributing to this supicion seeing as lion is also her kit) Only to end as a red herring when Holly is revealed to be the girlie w mascara running down her face (u can't see it clearly but my point stands)

*interesting lines about ashfurs death that I think about regarding what a warrior means for the clan (nonverbatim):

-'Ashfur never mattered this much when he was alive'

-'Ashfur's murder now made the clan determined to make him into a hero.'

*lion is posited to be the brave one of the three, in regards to physical danger and such. I am taking this character trait and cranking it up to a million

*I forgot smoky and floss existed :( IDK if they're still alive in the latest arcs but I hope they're doing ok

*brambleclaw trying 2 be nice to his kids and tell them that they can confide in him bc clearly they're all hung up about something but being denied it is funny and sad to me personally. He didn't talk w Jay, just as leaf didn't talk much w lion in this book, but I think it's given an interesting ending when in the end, its officially revealed even squirrel didn't tell him of the truth, which ends their relationship for the most part. I really do wonder how well he could have taken this if he was in on the secret from the very start.

*outside of that they sure do like to crank up the dramatics and mention bramble / squirrel as their parents any chance they get so that the three can be Emo about it like. 'THEYRE NOT MY MOTHER/FATHER.' 'WHATEVER SKILLS WE HAVE DIDNT COME FROM YOU.' 'WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH? WE'RE NOT EVEN KIN!' last one is abt leafpool which is honestly a lot. I think.

* one of the saddest parts about this book was how lonely they made purdy 😭😭😭 this poor old man. I'm glad they brought him back to the clan. But also I think they just forgot about him bc for someone being so vocal in defending Sol, he was outright just not mentioned when it was revealed Sol 'escaped'

* more lines that I think about regarding clan cats (also nonverbatim)

- Clan cats' instinctive distrust of outsiders

- why do clan cats have to think they always know what's best?

* Sol. He's just there to me ig.

* I liked jingo. I hope she's doing ok even now

*criminal how this book barely has any sibling bonding w the three when that is my blood sweat and tears. Maybes that's why I got so obsessed w the three of them being happy together bc I was STARVED.

* honeyfern 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

* call it the thunderclan bias in me but I was sorta annoyed when the three other clans walked in and told them that they should get rid of Sol or else. But also thunderclans reaction to Sol seemingly having run away is like. Giving back stolen candy to pre schooler vibes. Or something. This makes no sense I'm sorry

*I think it's interesting that Jay and Holly manage to find out who their mother is thru their own way. With the former deducing it on his own (I actually enjoyed the detective esque work he did in doing it) and Holly straight up asking leafpool. So now I propose lion being informed someway or other thru SQUIRRELFLIGHT BC I WANT FOR HER TO TALK W ANY OF THEM AND THAT LION FIINDING OUT THRU HIS SIBS WAS SO BORING OKAY I WANT HIM TO HAVE A SHOCKING REVELATION TOO-

* ahem. Also can I mention Holly confronting leaf abt who their parents were and leaf thinking it was about ashfur is so unbelievably ????? KHADHD, I'm not saying it was bad. but MAN. Talk about awkward huh

* anyways. When they all find out that leaf is their mom and then squirrel and leaf are mentioned to have looked at the three in the same familiar expression they have always had; love. And that line hurt me as much as Holly refusing to acknowledge or listen to it and running away. Lion and Jay werent against listening to what their 'mothers' had to say, but they loved Holly more than to just let her go on her own

* I always blabber about how they should have tried to talk thru their issues but man. They tried multiple times. They tried so hard. I'm not gonna specify who but they tried.

* Holly and lion changing their view of Sol in opposite ways in the two instances they meet w him is interesting but also a bit confusing. The last time we get a pov of lion is when he helped Sol escape so we don't really get a clear idea of his own thoughts anymore w everything after. That's why I can't help but just think abt him I guess

* reading Hollyleaf spiral more and more into her grief and despair sure was something.

* out of the three, jayfeather was actually the calmest in this book. Which is saying something, I think. I'm now taking this and making it my mission to have all the three of them as short tempered grumpy schmucks.

there's a lot more to talk about for me regarding these three, but I think I've used up all the words in my brain. My last thought though, is that after going through All That as an ending, it was really funny to just have this as a preview of the next book.

Also a bonus picture of what this book looks like too, sorry if it hurts u but it's testament to me on how much I adored this thing when I was younger </3

[seeminglyseph]

I'm like... slowly watching a Chainsaw Man reaction and getting stoned to deal with a liiitttle PTSD episode I had earlier... and realizing that like.

as a person. who is very touch starved and lonely in my own way. while Denji has like "I wanna touch a boob" which is like funny etc etc... if he was not an animated character whose age was easy to forget, because his everyman protagonist placement makes me accidentally age him up to be closer in age to me... anime is bad for me just fuckin' forgetting that people are high school students. I just mentally adjust people to be 'neutral age' instead of their actual age. Especially if they happen to work in an adult industry surrounded by other adults.

I fully like. though. can understand like. 'man... sometimes I'm curious what that kind of sexual interaction is like. I have kinda given up on being seen as sexually appealing... but I kinda crave that intimacy.' and like. a lot of really toxic relationships have been built on that foundation. and exploring it with Denji is really interesting because like. Denji and Makima are.. a relationship dynamic I've seen played out with the Teacher and Student in a lot of series that aren't supernatural adventure shows. "I've given up on being considered attractive but I crave something" and "I know I can manipulate you and can get what I want from you without you realizing it because you have no experience and no confidence" and it's really fascinating. And all of us knew it was bad from the moment it started, but it was like 'yeah but it's like... something. and that's kinda good enough.'

And like. I ain't gonna shame the folks barking, I got my fair share of nasty abusive freaks I would bark at too. My Toxic Fictional Man list is Too Fucking Long. I'm just like. Too Gay for Makima. that's the only reason I'm not right there with you. Also I have like... too many abusive toxic women in my real life, fictional toxic women just don't do it for me. but like genuinely, I get it. I understand. Good for you, I hope you enjoy the good rep for genuinely horrifying Toxic Fictional Mistresses Who Might Walk You On A Leash If You're Good. like I get that want for fictional characters who make you both scared and horny for the subs out there. it's hard to get a good Evil Dominant who isn't just Tsundere or Yandere. The Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss is immaculate and like, congratulations on your full sexual awakening.

But practice safe kink IRL. to bring it maybe back around I guess. it's important to know like. when you can tolerate and survive being alone better than being with someone toxic, and that like. it's one thing to do a sexy roleplay of that stuff, but like there has to be a place where is stops 'cause it can wear down your self worth. Practice safe boundaries in kink. it's important even it maybe it's kinda boring. But it can mean you can do more exciting stuff. You *can* be someone's dog, if you also know you are important and valuable and a person with the right to say no in situations that you don't like. Live your fucking best life with communication, boundaries and safe kink. idk.

[willowser]

willow!! i so love the way you characterise our faves 🥺💗 it’s spot on every time!!! as someone who writes as well, i honestly find it so intimidating to tackle complex characters (for me: bakugo, gojo, ++) & am amazed every time i read your works bc hOW ?????? you write them so well 🥹 forgive me for this q&a but!! are there any characters that you find are a bit intimidating because of their complexity? who? and how do you navigate characterising them 😳

omg tysm !!! 🥺🥺🥺 i really, really appreciate this bc characterization is probably the most important thing to me, when i'm writing !!! 🥺 and so to be complimented over it feels so like I'VE BEEN WITNESSED !!!! ajfhejak you're so kind, thank you truly 🥺🥺🩷✨️

BUT OH MAN i'm so afraid to write for so many because of their depth !!! gojo is a big one !! though i've started kicking him around in my head a bit more, he still intimidates me SO MUCH bc his character and trauma and backstory, how it all manifests into his personality, how that would translate romantically — it's all SO COMPLEX AJFJDKA so 👀 he scares me quite a bit 👀 but others would be like hawks, deku, aki, yuuta, shouto is another BIG one — though i literally just posted something for him LOL — toji, too !

characterization is honestly just so fun for me, like i love anything that's going to test how i specifically view a character, and i love trying to fit them into specific situations and seeing how i would justify their reactions ! i feel like in order for me to feel confident writing for a character, i just have to really understand them, like their goals in their stories, their friendships, how they form bonds, how they are socially compared to how their emotions are portrayed, what struggles they've overcome and how that would shape their personality, their fears and deep desires, etc. it's a lot !! so it's why i can only write a handful of characters at a time ajfheja bc then there's just so much space in my brain being taken by all the little hc's i have LOL

i think reading A LOT for them helps, as well !! and that's usually the first thing i do, because it's like research ! and i read from many different writers so that i'm not getting the same characteristics over and over again, and then once i kind of understand some of the more common themes they're written with, i start making connections between their personality and personal beliefs, fears, wants, etc. their past !

another thing that i actually think helps is like — writing so many au's LOL bc one thing about me, i'm gonna write an au akfhskak but i feel like if you take a character out of their world and stuff them into another, you still have to keep their core personality consistent or else you're just writing for some original character with a known and loved face slapped over it. but things can still be a little bit different, ofc, because THAT au character is going to have a different backstory than the original, so that will shape the personality some.

like for example, werewolf bakugou is a bit rougher and tougher than canon bkg, because he's LITERALLY a werewolf LOL and he's got those animalistic tendencies, plus all that he went through when that change affected his life. there's no all might or edge shot or anything like that, but !! he's got his own issues !!! .....maybe that's why i like au's so much, bc it's just another characterization test LOL

it's 2am. idk if this makes ANY SENSE or is even COHERENT. but thank you for asking i cherish you so so much !!!!

[desudog-gone]

Grrrbv ;'_';

Just saw a mutual who randomly blocked me (old blogs, i only saw them bc i moved sense then. Not purposfilly block evading) some months ago after we were really close (like, shared stuff personal with and gave free stuff on flight rising type of close) and it just. I can't feel fulfilled about it. Why. Like why did they do that. They didn't even like vague about me so I could tell what it was about. It just feels terrible. Usually I don't really feel this way about when people find it time to go, but it literally happened 100% randomly. Sometimes I consider asking them (of course, very consciously will make it sure I'm okay with any answer) because it really confuses me but I also just think that seems... childish? I don't know. I won't call it ableism but it kinda felt that way, just randomly blocking a very int disabled mutual and then doubling down on being buddy with the person who said I had the skills of a child among other statements that are just nasty over something that was nothing. It's just weird. It makes me feel really sad and sick inside and I just don't get it. I can let other stuff go idk why this one's so hard. Well I do, because I cared about them but was apparently overnight disposable? But it's happened before.

Idk. Hard to fight my fear of abandonment and issues trusting others when everyone I confide in either lashes out at me or wordlessly blocks me on every platform and every blog I've ever owned. I have a really hard time talking to people and trusting them these days. I kinda only talk in depth to ppl anymore 1 on 1 like on discord if I'm convinced I'm not the "weirder" one of us.. even mutuals I had and didn't block me just kinda faded away from me lately and it's just very uncomfortable and sad. Idk.

I really try not to feel like this or think like it but it keeps happening and i feel unsafe and upset. It makes me feel really sad. I just feel confused and sad. It makes me scared after I get vulnerable to others. I feel like I get retraumatized every few months. And I'm just too stupid to be allowed to be okay. I "have the conversational skills of a 5 year old." Its okay to not tell me why or when you leave, right? Insulting me for daring to sleep is okay because I'm too dumb to understand words right? Idk. I won't call it ableism. But I feel unsteady.

I really appreciate the freidns I have. The only problem always have. But I feel like I've been taught that no matter what I'm not worth appreciated. I just existed to make my mutuals laugh or to listen to their vents (but not mine) or to engage in their special interest (NEVER mine.) And when they get another friend I'm worthless idiot who can be thrown away. I don't belive that but it feels like people mean that...

I just wish I knew. I always wish I knew, I'm happier when people are meaner to me because I can process mean and angry to me. I can process that I know what it means and I can get over it but the quiet unannounced disappearance is bad and so scary and I think its worse because my disability. I'm sorry I can't tell. I can't tell when you started to hate me. But I'm never sorry that I was kind.

So many times I am worried now because I opened up. I regret it every time now. It's so scary. I regret ever opening my heart to people in dms about my joys or things that upset me it's so so scary when they hate me.

Sometimes it feels like everyone hates me. It's not true but I feel bad inside about people a lot.

I try not to look scared and I try to be brave for myself. Whenever it happens I get scared. Because I let people inside and it means they can hurt me once they decide I'm no longer valuable or human enough to be kind to.

And it like... everyone does.. ! It's not "I wont" it's "not for now".

I know they're talking about me. I know they want to hurt me if they haven't already.

I feel like talking is wading through MUD.

I want to love people stronger. I want to love people happy and confident.

Sometimes I forget not many people want this for me

[avadacandelabra]

Dreams from 15/3/25

FN came back from his break and was seeming like I wasn’t managing my staff properly. He said so there’s 4 ppl in dispensary and none in the background doing stuff like this pack just had to be finished off and sealed. I said my sister is dealing with a customer (about whether the crabs you buy to eat can be raised from scratch), Jia was trying to study and I was doing something and then there was Kate doing street scripts. I said to him what is this, are you insinuating like I'm not doing anything. I kinda raised my voice very confidently then he had nothing to say in return. Then Emil showed up and kinda knew it had been heated and asked me how my morning had been. There was a wet sock stuck to my computer screen

-

I was with Matt under the covers and I was naked then he just left me and we had been whispering I’m sure people could hear I felt a bit embarrassed

-

Something big happened, I kept getting held back from closing the shop idk it felt like a huge energy. And there was a fucking demon lady with red eyes who came in and was causing like a superhero movie vibes. I wasn’t scared though I mean I was kinda like wtf at first but then I walked up to her and did it back I realised she was just the opposite of me and I wasn’t scared of her at all I didn’t care it just felt like something I had to do so I could lock up. And then it was over and as we were walking out, I felt like there was some other lady who might be infected either with the demon virus too but I didn’t want to know. I quickly ran out the door and quickly as I could locked the door. I felt that maybe I wouldn’t be able to lock the door in time because it wasn’t aligning properly and she would come bursting out but I was able to lock it up. I did so in a panic. Then she was there, behind the door, with her partner and I looked at her and she was fine I don’t think she had the red eyes anymore.

Then I was walking home, I with a bunch of people and some other thing happened with the towns people which I ignored. I went to go turn on the tap and wash my hands because some bird crapped on my head and it really grossed me out. As I was washing a couple of birds came to drink the water they didn’t care about what was happening either, they just wanted a drink even one of them was really bright yellow, which was weird, but I didn’t care. Then I washed my head too but I had to get home to wash it properly. Kiera Knightly was there and two other of my staff members who I don’t recognise and we were walking home and the three of them went home to Vanessa Tran's house direction and I didn’t car. I think they were wondering if I would go there and hang out but I walked off home and I even looked back at them and they at me. I smiled and waved and turned the corner. Then co ha was on a bike riding back it was so random and it’s like I had my mums phone and she didn’t have as many contacts as I thought she did just Viet ppl like a handful or so.

Also during the fiasco that happened at work, a squad of people came in and it was like a whole crowd to act as a distraction like dressed up as customers and talking really loud because apparently there were microphones or something and it was feeding off our energy. They seemed like they would sort everything out but all they did was make us do a questionnaire in some secret way like oh ignore this do this I was so confused about all the pages and couldn’t really be bothered I think that’s when I took things into my own hands.

Also some customer came who had a DD script and it had no handwriting and she seemed like the type to complain but I just sorted it out I went up to her no fear and said I can’t do this scripts it’s not your fault though your doctor needs to learn how to write scripts like making a joke and lightheaded situation and she completely went with it.

[wildchives4]

idk how you feel re:anons interacting with your more private posts so please feel free to delete this ask entirely + ask me not to talk about your personal stuff again

your recent post about your relationship really struck a cord with me .. i haven't been following you for long so idk much but it was so weird to have someone else's diary show up on my dash carrying the same fears that i have regarding my own relationship sometimes ...

i've thought about it a lot and i think i feel a lot braver when i'm advising someone else instead of dealing with my own situation so pls don't think im preaching at you

but maybe part of what you're feeling could be catastrophising? are u overly concerned about a fallout happening because this person has shown you that falling out with them is nasty or is it your own mind looking at it in a haze of panic? you can think of whether there is evidence to support your fears

also re: whatever taxes or financial stuff is going on, if you're scared that this person won't support you or won't even be empathetic to you (!! omg) then pls pls be SCHEMING. be the biggest plotter and schemer. it's not evil. look out for yourself. study this person's personality and write down on a paper past instances when you were able to wheedle them or when they were more agreeable and orchestrate similar circumstances. idk what country you're in or what impact this would have on them if they help you but please don't approach this from a place of meekness. and for the body hair pls there are no men who genuinely like anything on any women. most of them are sadly porn sick or porn exposed (cause there's no escaping it) so whatever trends in porn will become a requirement for women. so there is no person on earth who hasn't been exposed to porn somehow so you won't get acceptance from anyone (platonic or romantic). you just need to own it and look so confident and act dumbfounded that someone wouldn't find your body hair attractive. so dumbfounded that you throw him off. if you carry insecurity about any of your features people (all kinds of people) will 100% use that against you, i learnt that the hard way. good luck babes im sorry if i ever over stepped.

you didn't overstep!! No worries and I never mind anons who are just being reasonable and sharing their thoughts ^_^

Re: the body hair, the thing is I've literally been with a man who did like it 🤧 he watched porn previously, but quit around the time we started dating, inspired by his friend who'd also quit (ask me why I miss the town I lived in in MA so much, lol.. not specifically that, but people were just so much more open than I'm used to). I'm also bisexual and generally am much more attracted to women, and I be on tumblr.., so to me.. idk, it's like, there are people I could be with who really wouldn't mind my body hair, it's a potential reality, just not the one I'm currently living in. :-/

Falling outs with him are nasty, and the worst part for me is how we never really resolve anything, we just don't speak of it again. It reminds me of growing up w/ my mom, she'd get drunk and say/do horrible things every night, then the next day, act normal like she loved us and nothing happened. Not that we've ever argued every night, but when we do argue, that's how it works. And he never concedes unless I say I can't carry on w/ the relationship how it is. I think some of my avoidance re: discussing things is anxiety, we have had a handful of productive discussions abt hard things in the past 4 years. But just a handful. That's not really enough for me.. I'm a very discussion-y person. Anyway, some of it is anxiety, like certainly the degree of avoidance is irrational, but it's also founded in real events.

Everything kind of combines to leave me feeling like it's not tenable, but neither is independence.

Also re: your 2nd message LOL there are dozens (two) of us

[lexwalten]

Hey, I hope you're alright, and idk if you still want/need advice, but I just wanted to share my thoughts. Please don't feel pressured to listen or take my advice.

Firstly, I want to say you're not overreacting. Your feelings are your own, and when you're in the moment living them, they're going to impact you.

Don't let anyone tell you that you're overreacting, and especially don't let anyone say you're wrong for feeling the way you do.

When I was in high school (I don't know what age range you are, and I always advocate for minors to not share that information because the internet isn't a safe place, sadly) I experienced some situations that werr kind of similar. I'm even a trans/gay guy who was closeted when this stuff happened!

I won't go too much into detail, but I was also mistreated by my friends, and while I cared for my friends, I didn't feel like I could really talk to them about their mistreatment of me. That led me to a path of self isolation, which heavily affected my mental health, and after a lot of other stuff went wrong, I ended up dropping out of school.

I don't say any of this to scare you or to imply that this will also happen to you. I'm saying it to say that if I had understood things and took the time to step back and think things through, I could have done things differently and saved myself a lot of pain.

You know these people. If you think they'll be receptive to it, ask Grape (and I'm sorry I forgot your exes nickname, so I'll call him Apple), and Apple if they could stop excluding you, let them know that you are happy for them, but you're also hurt about how the situation played out and how it was handled. If you don't want to admit you're hurt by Grape and Apple dating and that you feel like you were a second choice, then you could instead say you're happy for them, explain you were hurt but that you still want to be friends with them.

If that still feels too raw, and you're not comfortable with talking to them about it, you could always try to take a step back from them and try to become closer with other friends or classmates.

Something I learned about after I dropped out was that people I had thought never really cared for me did. We just never got close enough to know.

You could also ask the advice of trusted adults such as guidance counselors, therapists, or teachers you feel safe with. Please keep in mind, though, that depending on where you live, both in the US and other countries, you may want to leave out the fact that you're trans and that Grape is gay due to legislation making it legal for teachers/school staff/therapists to out kids to their parents.

I wish I had better advice, but these sorts of things are tricky to navigate, and it takes you knowing yourself and your feelings, trusting yourself to do what you think is best for you, and to have the confidence to follow through with it.

Good luck, and remember, things might get worse before they get better, but they do get better.

~ 💙

Thank you so much, I understand what you're saying. I believe me and my friends need communication. I'm still struggling with it but I do my best, thank you. 💜