#idk it's like I'm scared to have confidence in my own stuff

[jojosgaylittleadventure]

~

I only just got to respond to the first few comments on my fics on Ao3 and I just T-T thank you for your donations to the "Sophia has imposture syndrome" fund

[amphitritebaby]

crazy rambling incoming

[melodic-haze]

hear me out brat!chiori x service top!reader where she teases you all the time both in public and private until you just cant take it anymore and finally snap and fuck her until shes sobbing from overstimulation and cant think or speak at all and only begging for you to breed her over and over again

☆ — DEMO TRACK: power bottom!Chiori x service top!gp!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: fem reader with a dick, overstim and.....tbf it's all up in the asks actually

☆ — NOTES: I really shouldn't have been given the ability to read and write idk but anyway I love mean lesbians 🫶 even though ik I'd be scared of them irl (I AM a mean lesbian idk what I'm on about)

Oh my god she's be an INSUFFERABLE brat though???? Not cuz she's cheeky and sly as hell, not like for example Miko, but bc she KNOWS she can easily tease and making you want what you Cannot Have

She'd drop her scissors on accident and bending down in a way that showcases her own specially made lingerie (mostly made with you in mind, though she reserves said special designs for your eyes only—she'd never admit it but designs for YOU and her customers are two completely different things 🤷‍♀️) or make you help her with something and then 'accidentally' grazing skin one way or another (nothing too disastrous, she can't jeopardise her work for ANYONE)

Chiori wouldn't outright say stuff plainly though cuz that's crass and she's much more classier than that, who do you think she is??? She WOULD outright make innuendos and double entendres with a glint in her eye and a mocking tone, however 💀 just to piss you off a bit

"Hold these steady for me, would you? You're capable of that much."

As you scrambled to pin down two bits of fabric on the mannequin, she pulls away with a light smirk. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly at the remark, "I'd like to think I'm a lot more capable than what you've been insinuating the entire day."

"Are you?" She turns away to head to her worktop, "I suppose that with my direction, you can.. well, satisfy basic needs."

"You say that like I'm not capable of directing myself."

"You would lack the necessary finesse to please me."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, "Thanks for the faith. But we both know you're downplaying what I can do."

"But do we?" The designer turns back to you, sewing equipment in hand and a nonchalant look in her gaze, "Perhaps I've been unimpressed with your performance thus far."

"Then you'd be complaining about me in every waking moment."

"Don't I already?"

"True. Someone really needs to shut you up every once in a while."

"Oh?" She approaches you.. and the mannequin, you supposed, "Mind supplying an example?"

"Uh, me? I think I'm in the best position to do so."

And your lover scoffs mockingly, "You're rather confident in thinking that you could force me down."

"I'm confident that I can put you in whatever position I want."

Perhaps there was something she saw in your eyes, a brief flash of something dark that flickered through for a second, but you see a light flush coat her cheeks as she lets out a shaky exhale.

"..Do tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night," she airily responded as her hands pressed back onto the fabric, to which you took the action as a sign of a dismissal, "Archons know I'm not going to sing you praises or tuck you in at night."

"Hmm."

Ofc it's not limited to your outside interaction, cuz you're hashtag lucky to see it inside too!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!! Get your dose of irritation 🫶🫶 if you're a patient bitch as well then that's even worse cuz she may actually up the ante just for the sake of it in bed. In public she actually appreciates you being understanding with her bluntnese but in private? Lol have fun

It's not that she does it just cuz either, I think she'd do it for the sake of seeing just how much you can take until you snap. She seems like a believer of the whole "raw emotions = raw capability" thing, and she'd definitely test you more than once just to see how much you can take before you flip out

She doesn't say anything about how there's that hidden desire to see you turn things against her and actually put her in her place after she's being such a brat the entire day though

"Ngh..! I said to go-- sssslowER--"

"I.. don't think.. I'll listen to you right now," you managed to force out as you pinned her on the mattress, hammering the brat underneath you with your length as if desperate to paint her insides white.

At some point, your patience had eventually run out. She had this constantly challenging look in her eyes that followed her all the way to the bedroom, and her words had reflected on that too.

You wanted to please her, to satisfy her the way you knew you could, you swore.. but it always wasn't enough for her, or maybe you got it all wrong, or her demands were so unbearably contrasting despite the fact that you could have sworn that her reactions indicated that you were on the right track. Really, you just had no choice but to take matters in your own hands the same way you took this insatiable designer's hair, now loose from its usual style; hard and forceful.

Chiori's hands practically clawed the sheets, her small build helpless as you moved her like some sort of ragdoll—whyever would she fight it, though?

And as if used to obeying your commands, she does. She looks at the vanity mirror just a short distance away from the bed, looks at her ruined makeup smudged on her face, looks at the apex of her thighs that drip and glisten with a mix of her transparent essence and the backwash of your cum.

"This was what you've been aiming for, isn't it? I'm doing what-- fffuuck.. what you demanded of.. of me." You lifted her up without hesitation, with your other hand on her lower abdomen as you continued your relentless pace, "May as well.. mmf.. watch."

Perhaps there was something to the sight that snapped the last of her fighting composure in half—maybe it was the way you forced her to look at your live methods of discipline, maybe it was the way your dick hit a certain spot inside her due to the change in angle, or maybe it was the way you had looked at her in the mirror with a dark, heady mixture of lust and frustration.

Either way, it had her hips practically stuttering as she opened her mouth to scream.. only for nothing to come out save for a broken, cut-off start of such a sound. Her body for a brief moment before going limp and leaning back into you.

You also see—and feel—a deluge of hot liquid squirt out a certain distance and onto your still-moving cock.

Really, nothing about the situation or the reactions you're recieving is deterring you from overwhelming her more than enough to render her quiet and satisfied.

Even as her hands struggled to grip onto your own that's pushing into where her womb is located, where you're hitting her at your deepest, you didn't stop. Even as she sobbed and actually threw her sharp pride aside to plead for you to spare her from further overstimulation, you didn't stop.

Again, why would you? You're going to make sure she comes out of this sated.. even if that did mean fucking a few braincells out of your lover.

(Though with the way she was smiling whorishly, you have more than a feeling that she wanted you to do so.)

(..Not like you'd ever use such language aimed at her outside private walls, lest you want to experience her ire rather than her desire.)

Get it?? Cuz. Cuz like. Desire??? Des-ire?????? Haahahhahahahahah oh my god I think I'm gonna go ballistic one day

She loves being treated like a classy lady, she loves being treated like a queen, but she ALSO loves being roughhoused and railed to the moon and back—she's not a delicate bitch she can handle it 🤷‍♀️ just like how she Knows you can handle a bit of a bratty personality (though really such a thing should probably be guaranteed anyway to be with her without getting all ratty)

She'd call you a fuckign brute, she'd call you names, but at the end of the day all she'd want is for you to fill her and fuck her until nooooo coherent thought is left 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

It's satisfying at the end when you're done when Chiori's simply laying there, eyes completely glazed over as she struggles to get back to reality as you've painted her insides (and outsides tbh) white. Maybe this is your own artform, with Chiori's being clothing design AHAHAHA anyway 🫶

"So how'd I.. ugh," you unceremoniously flopped onto the bed, grimacing at the very wet sheets and the inevitable cleanup you're dreading of doing later, "how'd I do?"

"..."

"Chiori? Babe?"

"..Give me a minute, would you?" She groaned out hoarsely, her usual grace to her movements and edge to her voice gone and replaced with a much more.. relaxed, casual tone, you supposed, "Asking a girl to rate your performance after using her like a feral beast is in poor taste."

"Okay, but you more than asked for it, really."

"I don't recall doing such a thing."

"You're only especially difficult when you want that sort of treatment."

"I'm never difficult for no good reason."

You raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

Your girlfriend stares you down with a tired glare.. before relenting shortly after with an affectionate eyeroll, "I told no lie, I needed the break from..."

"Thinking?"

"Yes. Perhaps."

"Bad week?"

"Annoying clients."

"I can ward them away for you," you suggest as you opened your arms to her.

"No need—I can do so myself." You half expected her to keep you hanging until you decide to drop your arms.. but then she moves closer to you, eventually letting herself be enclosed in a hug, "..But thank you for the offer."

Any form of initial surprise from the acceptance in affection easily melts into that warm buzz that never fails to make you happy every time Chiori indulges in something remotely affectionate, "You're welcome."

..Perhaps clean-up can wait later.

The surprising thing would never be how bratty she is or how depraved she becomes with enough of a push tbh, but rather her showing blatant affection for you at any given time. Post-coital afterglow doesn't necessarily give her much of an extra urge to cuddle—if anything she's usually averse considering how sweaty and gross it'd feel to her after........but surprise affections are a very VERY welcome surprise :3

Tbh even then idk if sex is a common thing that happens between you, even when you're in a relationship 🤔 but it'd still be juicy either way. Something about how absence makes the heart grow fonder, except it just makes your cock go harder idfk LMAO

It's like 2 am rn guys this is my only explanation for all this

[sanderssidesthehouse]

For the character bingo, could you do Roman?

Absolutely!

Circle sizes represent my confidence in marking them.

I unfortunately don't have it anymore bc a few years back I deleted my sasi blog like a fool bc I thought I wouldn't need it, but one of the first things I said when Remus was introduced was how Roman suddenly made so much more sense. As someone with both younger and older siblings, it was a moment of clarity. He just acts like someone with a sibling. Idk if this point really clarifies anything, but it was something that made me like him more.

I need my bb boy to get out of his people pleasing era. I'm just going to go ahead and quote my unreliable narrators post bc it's relevant (sorry I keep doing this, I just happen to be right about stuff in that post):

Roman does that thing that Patton does where he tries to be what everyone wants him to be but like… to an even more extreme degree. Where Patton pushes his emotions down and sometimes tries to seem like he knows more than he does bc he feels like he’s supposed to, Roman literally will be thinking and feeling one thing but do the exact opposite and will self sabotage to an extreme degree. He WANTED to go to that call back. (...) He agreed with Janus but felt like he was supposed to agree with Patton so despite it making him miserable in every possible way, he did what he thought he had to to make sure Patton still loved him. Roman is devastatingly tragic (...) All this to say that you can’t judge what he’s thinking and feeling by what he says and does.

I do think it's so interesting how Roman really liked Deceit when he first popped up (bc Janus was playing to Roman's role as the Ego) and really only didn't like that he was pretending to be other people, a betrayal of trust, and doesn't really have a problem with Janus until after he declares they won't be going to the call back. He is literally trying so hard ALL OF THE TIME. And he must still feel like he can't do anything right.

Roman is so crunchy to me bc he has an excess of fatal flaws and non current internal way to balance them out. He doesn't trust himself to the point that he outsourced his views on right and wrong. A loyal knight marking a fallible side's word as absolute, and in his pursuit of what is just, he's fallen on his own sword only to see what he thought was wrong embraced by his lord as he bleeds out. This is a tragedy. Someone please help him.

Part of the reason he doesn't trust himself like that, is bc he's just not confident in himself at all. There are certain things he can do and knows he can do well. But being confident in a handful of abilities doesn't make you confident in yourself. He is so scared of being cast out (like what happened last we saw) and it makes him second guess himself. If he messes up, then he'll be the one staring down the sword instead of holding it. That's what he believes anyway. We can all know that's not true, but it doesn't change his deep seated fear. He HAS to be the hero. Without that, he has nothing.

I also think his insecurities play well with Remus's just existence. That could have been Roman cast aside. Still could be. What if he wasn't good like they thought? What if his good wasn't good enough? They've set an unfortunate precedent of tossing 'unsavory' parts into the abyss, and Roman can feel the breeze coming up from where he stands at the precipice. Even the slightest misstep will send him tumbling down.

Right so, I'd apologize about the Roman angst, but I'm not sorry. As always, anyone and everyone is encouraged to add on with their two cents!

[beannary]

If you want to talk about one of your aus, or au ideas, I'd love to hear about them! (*scoots my chair forward, looking hopeful*)

ok ive been wanting to answer this for a while but i kept on being so scared because ah! this is the one opportunity ill get to talk about my au! but then i realized that is stupid this is not gonna be my only opportunity to talk about my au

putting my ramblings under a read more because i ended up uh saying a whole lot about Donnie and his relationship with both Splinter and Big Mama

ok so basically ive been thinking a lot about the little prince au because it is fully my child and i adore it so much but ive been specifically thinking about Donnie and Splinter's relationship because I really want to write their relationship well

theyre gonna have such an interesting relationship. I know I havent gotten into how Big Mama ended up with Donnie but I am working on a comic for that so I'm not going to get into all of the details but Splinter does know that he left a turtle behind, he just thinks that the turtle he left behind died in the lab explosion, so over the years he has dealt with guilt because of that but overtime that guilt not necessarily faded but he comes to rationalize it because truly it wasn't his fault that Donnie got left behind, and truly there was nothing he could have done to save Donnie. But once he learns that Donnie is not only alive but that he's been living with Big Mama, Splinter's guilt is going to come back at full force because oh my god, not only is the kid that he thought was dead actually alive but he was raised by the woman who kidnapped Splinter and forced him to fight for years!

Splinter is going to be trying so hard to get Donnie to live with him once he learns that Donnie is alive, and he's going to be trying so hard to be the best parent for Donnie ever to like makeup for abandoning Donnie back in the lab explosion. or you know, not abandoning Donnie but that's what Splinter sees it as

I also want Donnie to have like similar reactions to leaving Big Mama that Splinter had. Like undeniably Splinter was incredibly depressed after leaving Big Mama, and like Big Mama turned this thing that Splinter loved, you know performing and being in the spotlight and entertaining!, and completely took away any agency that he could have to this thing that he loved to the point where he refused to take part in it just so he could have some sort of control over his life again

When Donnie leaves Big Mama (whether its by his own will or not I havent decided or figured out how he comes to live with the Hamatos yet) but he's going to go through something similar just a complete shut down where he abandons everything that he loved to do because he now associates them with Big Mama and her control over him if that makes sense? Like Donnie LOVES dancing and he loves playing music and listening to music! but these are activities that Big Mama actively encouraged and so naturally hes going to associate them with her.

I think one thing Donnie is going to throw himself into when he first leaves Big Mama is his inventing. Sort of like how Splinter would lose himself in his shows, I think Donnie is going to get into a sort of headspace where he just spaces out and doesn't have to think about anything while he's tinkering around.

Donnie and Splinter I think are also both going to want to try to prove themselves to each other? Splinter I think might end up being really overbearing while trying to makeup for all this lost time while Donnie is going to try to be the perfect son for Splinter just like he tried to be the perfect son for Big Mama

But like once they actually get to talking and once Donnie is more comfortable around Splinter I think these two are going to have a lot of heart to hearts just because Big Mama controlled their lives for so long, there's a lot of stuff to bond over and relate to

Idk Im not super confident in my writing abilities and Im trying really hard to portray Big Mama as a narcissistic parent but a lot of the stuff that I've read about how narcissistic personality disorder might portray itself in a parental role like centers heavily on the way that they pit siblings against each other and Donnie does not have a sibling! So I guess in a sense he would be both the golden child and the scapegoat which must make for a confusing existence. I dont even know if im portraying this well at all or if any of this is coming across in my writing but I sure hope that it is!

Another thing I want to get into is how Big Mama like reacts to Donnie's inventing because like having a super smart kid that can build you whatever you want is logically a very good resource to have and she does want him to keep building her stuff. But like inventing is messy! Science is messy! In an ideal world Donnie would be getting down and dirty working hard on engineering and botany, and like Donnie can sometimes get so focused on his work that he turns into a bit of a hermit till he comes out of that focused mindset and that's really the part that Big Mama doesn't like because like yes having a super smart kid does reflect very well on her, but having a kid whose constantly playing in the dirt or messing around with explosives and other dangerous devices and who occasionally goes completely MIA while working does not reflect well on her. So she's put into a position where she both wants Donnie to keep building her stuff but she also doesn't want all that extra messiness that comes with encouraging this interest of his.

Anyways im going to stop now because this has gotten WAY too long and I dont even know where im going with this! but it was so helpful to write this all out and just like getting my like thoughts you know written out so I can actually see if any of this makes sense asdklfjhsakdjh

[sigmxnd]

okay poll is saying yes so im going for it (this is gonna get very rambly and might not all connect or be coherent but oh well)

i've realized i love taking my favorite characters and putting a bunch of the same hcs to them cause i like making my favorites more like me

i know why this happens, its cause im silly and i look at these characters and my brain just goes "i like that" and then i just ARYARAYAEAGA4AYA and get rabies, but also like a lot of the time i look at these characters that more often than not i see myself in them

these stupid dumb dirt eating rebellious evil losers just exist and i see stuff happen to them for the plot and i just go "i see you. i know you. you're just like me fr" but they aren't real so they don't know i understand them but yknow

but at the same time its always an internal battle cause i percieve other people's opinions and hcs all the time, but at the same time i'm so utterly terrified of sharing most of my stuff and my own hcs that i'm not confident in for fear of being percieved and having someone else think I'M weird. and yeah i am weird but i don't wanna be seen as like. bad weird

i just recently shared that i hc mike and zeke as being autistic, cause as a peer reviewed autistic i find it extremely comforting and it makes me super happy to think of them like that, but like they're not the only ones i think of that way. it's pretty much all of them that i think of that way, which makes sense, but idk it makes me feel a lil weird

ik i can do whatever i want (within reason) but it feels almost strange to do all this when i currently don't even have access to the rest of the td seasons AND there's not a lot of hc differences between them, and it feels cringe or something idk

but anyway i love making jokes about how i am absolutely INFATUATED😍✨️‼️ with both duncan and scott and i hate courtney with such a burning seething passion. she was so mean to both of them, i can fix them (or also make them worse. i could do that for funzies)

tl;dr: I'M CRAZY I'M OFF THE WALLS I'M NUTS I'M BONKERS I'M SILLY I'M GOOFY I'M WACKY I'M SO UTTERLY GOOBERISH (i'm scared to talk about all of my hcs for my favorites out of fear of people looking at me with their EYES, and probably something else. sorry guys my own post doesn't even make sense to me)

sigmund silly sessions will happen again, this was fun to just vomit my thoughts

[elvenbeard]

V Then and Now

Yes, I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon too! XD Even though I feel like Vince really hasn't changed much at all, but AMM defintiely gave me an opportunity to take better pics of him :D Because poses <3 and subtle expressions <3 "look at" feature, my beloved <3

2022/12/18

This was the first pic of him I ever took in Photomode where you could actually see his face XD I had taken scenic pics mostly until then, or him just standing somewhere and looking into the distance. I remember that it felt weird to take pics of him at first... I figure, since it's a first person game and you don't really see your character's face up close that much, it was always like "uh, hello sir, sorry for approaching so closely" initially xD he felt a little bit like a stranger. Glad I'm over that now :D

I'm a chronic screenshot taker though, and so this is not technically his "oldest" pic I have. That would be this:

2022/11/27

The usual "oh no, I like this guy... better take shots of all his sliders real quick so I don't lose him if I wanna play him again!"

But my most favourite early pic of him that I shared with everyone back then was from the 6-month-montage:

Idk there is just something about it that really... captured his essence in a sense and the brainrot started XD Little cocky bastard coming into his own finally but still has to hype himself up in front of the bathroom mirror bc on the inside he's just a scared kid really xD And that hasn't changed until now - yeah I can say with relative confidence that his personality did not change much, just became more well-rounded over the months, he has a very well-developed backstory now, and I keep getting to know him better and better as I'm slowly going through my second playthrough xD

2023/07/18

He's still an edgy bastard, but he got his tattoos upgraded to something fitting his vibes better :3 His fashion sense is still soemthing that stands out, even more so now than it used to! That is probably the biggest change from that early shot, his wardrobe fitting his corpo background and personality more (cause first time around I was so caught up in story stuff and didn't really know yet what options there were in terms of clothing and styles... so I just put him in that random Wraiths jacket for a large part of my first playthrough xD I still like that style of jacket a lot, and him just running around shirtless under his coats and jackets bc gotta show off those tats :3).

2023/07/01

I am very very happy with his looks and as of right now I'm not really planning on changing anything big about his physical appearance. He is and always was (and always will be) equipped with very little cyberware, he has tattoos that fit him now (although I might expand on them in the future for a potential post-2077 appearance). I still wanna do an updated wardrobe post and mod him some custom top surgery scars, but I liked him a lot from the start and feel like if I changed him too much it wouldn't be my Vince anymore xD

[skrs-cats]

I have reread sunrise (the first actual wc book I've ever owned) and it's been WILD reliving a few of my memories with all the made up stuff I've accumulated in brainrot over the three, now I have all these thoughts that I have to vomit out. Aka a REALLY LONG incomprehensible ramble post abt the ending book of po3. Mostly about lionblaze though. I'm sory

*IDK how many times I've mentioned this, but chapter 1 starting out w lion leaving the df for good and beating tigerstar in a fight ALWAYS makes me wonder how things would have been affected if he just straight up went for the killing blow. I've only ever read books 1-5 once, so I don't have the best memory, but I think it's interesting to note that tigerstar managed to actually injure him, and lion was scared that if he died here he'd be dead for real, and then lion was surprised to see the wound when he woke up. I'm just wondering if these facts were first introduced here or if I just have tunnel vision towards this book (which is also true)

*'lionblaze always knew there was something wrong between him and ashfur' no shit bitch 😩😩😩😩😩 and then there's lion wondering if cats suspect him as ashfurs killer, something to do about everyone realizing how they never got along. and NOW I'm thinking about lion ending his df dream w tigerstars blood on his paws, and how that might have made the READERS suspect HIM to be the killer (leafpool prolouge chapter contributing to this supicion seeing as lion is also her kit) Only to end as a red herring when Holly is revealed to be the girlie w mascara running down her face (u can't see it clearly but my point stands)

*interesting lines about ashfurs death that I think about regarding what a warrior means for the clan (nonverbatim):

-'Ashfur never mattered this much when he was alive'

-'Ashfur's murder now made the clan determined to make him into a hero.'

*lion is posited to be the brave one of the three, in regards to physical danger and such. I am taking this character trait and cranking it up to a million

*I forgot smoky and floss existed :( IDK if they're still alive in the latest arcs but I hope they're doing ok

*brambleclaw trying 2 be nice to his kids and tell them that they can confide in him bc clearly they're all hung up about something but being denied it is funny and sad to me personally. He didn't talk w Jay, just as leaf didn't talk much w lion in this book, but I think it's given an interesting ending when in the end, its officially revealed even squirrel didn't tell him of the truth, which ends their relationship for the most part. I really do wonder how well he could have taken this if he was in on the secret from the very start.

*outside of that they sure do like to crank up the dramatics and mention bramble / squirrel as their parents any chance they get so that the three can be Emo about it like. 'THEYRE NOT MY MOTHER/FATHER.' 'WHATEVER SKILLS WE HAVE DIDNT COME FROM YOU.' 'WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH? WE'RE NOT EVEN KIN!' last one is abt leafpool which is honestly a lot. I think.

* one of the saddest parts about this book was how lonely they made purdy 😭😭😭 this poor old man. I'm glad they brought him back to the clan. But also I think they just forgot about him bc for someone being so vocal in defending Sol, he was outright just not mentioned when it was revealed Sol 'escaped'

* more lines that I think about regarding clan cats (also nonverbatim)

- Clan cats' instinctive distrust of outsiders

- why do clan cats have to think they always know what's best?

* Sol. He's just there to me ig.

* I liked jingo. I hope she's doing ok even now

*criminal how this book barely has any sibling bonding w the three when that is my blood sweat and tears. Maybes that's why I got so obsessed w the three of them being happy together bc I was STARVED.

* honeyfern 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

* call it the thunderclan bias in me but I was sorta annoyed when the three other clans walked in and told them that they should get rid of Sol or else. But also thunderclans reaction to Sol seemingly having run away is like. Giving back stolen candy to pre schooler vibes. Or something. This makes no sense I'm sorry

*I think it's interesting that Jay and Holly manage to find out who their mother is thru their own way. With the former deducing it on his own (I actually enjoyed the detective esque work he did in doing it) and Holly straight up asking leafpool. So now I propose lion being informed someway or other thru SQUIRRELFLIGHT BC I WANT FOR HER TO TALK W ANY OF THEM AND THAT LION FIINDING OUT THRU HIS SIBS WAS SO BORING OKAY I WANT HIM TO HAVE A SHOCKING REVELATION TOO-

* ahem. Also can I mention Holly confronting leaf abt who their parents were and leaf thinking it was about ashfur is so unbelievably ????? KHADHD, I'm not saying it was bad. but MAN. Talk about awkward huh

* anyways. When they all find out that leaf is their mom and then squirrel and leaf are mentioned to have looked at the three in the same familiar expression they have always had; love. And that line hurt me as much as Holly refusing to acknowledge or listen to it and running away. Lion and Jay werent against listening to what their 'mothers' had to say, but they loved Holly more than to just let her go on her own

* I always blabber about how they should have tried to talk thru their issues but man. They tried multiple times. They tried so hard. I'm not gonna specify who but they tried.

* Holly and lion changing their view of Sol in opposite ways in the two instances they meet w him is interesting but also a bit confusing. The last time we get a pov of lion is when he helped Sol escape so we don't really get a clear idea of his own thoughts anymore w everything after. That's why I can't help but just think abt him I guess

* reading Hollyleaf spiral more and more into her grief and despair sure was something.

* out of the three, jayfeather was actually the calmest in this book. Which is saying something, I think. I'm now taking this and making it my mission to have all the three of them as short tempered grumpy schmucks.

there's a lot more to talk about for me regarding these three, but I think I've used up all the words in my brain. My last thought though, is that after going through All That as an ending, it was really funny to just have this as a preview of the next book.

Also a bonus picture of what this book looks like too, sorry if it hurts u but it's testament to me on how much I adored this thing when I was younger </3

[noriirori]

HEADCANONS FOR TEAM FORTRESS 2

CW: might contain spoilers! Please read with caution and if you haven't read the comics, I recommend you do so that the head canons make sense but you don't have to!

Hi! These are my head canons about our mercs! They are A LOT so be ready hehe. Now, I don't play the game bcuz one, poverty, two, don't have a PC, and three, the mobile version is not available for my phone (I'm sad bcuz of it 😔) , ok LETS GOOOO.

• HeavyMedic

Medic is the "talks a lot" to Heavy's "listens"

• this head canon has always been in my mind ever since I've started watching sfm on YouTube and reading the official comics is that because Medic likes to ramble about basically *anything* from his newest discovery to talking shit about their own teammates and Heavy listens. In one particular discussion that they both had is about Scout, mainly Medic complaining about the Bostonian, and he *accidentally* mentions his his similarity to Spy, ending it with "like father, like son". Which is how Heavy found out about Spy being scouts Father.

•endearment is very common but they WOULD NEVER, EVER, TILL THE DAY THAT THEY DIE use "babe". U feel like they are very class and shit and that really makes them shudder and shiver cuz they think it's for younger couples and they ain't young they in they 50s. What they would use is Darling, sweetheart, my love, and their favorite would be animals that remind them of each other. Medic would call Heavy "bear" and Heavy would call medic his "dove".

Helmet Party (Soldier x Engineer)

Basically their whole dynamic:

Engie "calm but still feral bf " x Soldier "not contained feral bf"

•Soldier is definitely such a softie when it comes to Engineer, like he gives the Texan special treatment and he doesn't even notice but the entire team knows of course. He isn't necessarily soft spoken, just kinda of chill and let's his guard down around engineer (he doesn't to it to anyone else even Demoman). ALSO! Engie is the "calm, reserved still insane, but regardless nice bf" and Soldier is the "loud, bossy, mentally unstable bf".

• Both of them have anger issues but the difference is, Engie can control his anger because he's very patient and understanding ( bless his soul) but Soldier can't. But just because Engie has lots of patience doesn't mean he doesn't get mad, I just know that Engie is the scariest to anger because he just stays silent and glares at everyone unlike soldier who won't hesitate to slash out, destroy things, etc.

•Engie is definitely more confident and more demanding in bed while Soldier is a bit timid. Idk why but I feel like soldier has this tendency to be scared to feel pleasure when it comes to sex and i wanted to link that with religious trauma, internalized homophobia, but despite that he still tries his very best to enjoy sexual intimacy (Engie WOULD NEVER let himself finish before Soldier does because he knows that he fins it hard to finish)

•Engineer's love language are definitely acts of service and Words of Affirmation while Soldier's would be physical touch. Like it wouldn't be unusual for Engie to build something for Soldier and he does it often but Soldier is still very grateful for every gift, and when they sleep together, Engie would just shower him with loving words like "I'm so glad you're mine" , "you're so adorable", "I love you" , etc. And Soldier would always be a blushing, flustered mess everytime. Soldier would be very physical with Engie like holding his hand, hugging him, and kissing him and other none sexual intimacy things. And it really surprised Engie at first because Soldier doesn't let anyone touch him (unless your super close with him like Demoman is). And when they have sex, Soldier really takes his time with Engie, kissing and adoring every part of his body to the point he's just worshipping Engie (not that Engie would complain lol) , and Engie would be really shy about showing his body because of scars and stuff like that and he isn't the most ripped and toned guy on the team so naturally, he'd be embarrassed to show his body but Soldier just constantly reminds him of how beautiful and lovely he is as a person.

•They are more reserved, like low-key and stuff but they don't and will deny their relationship if someone asks. I feel like they do it for the comfort of the other, like the team knows about their relationship but they aren't the type to flaunt it and really show PDA in front of the guys but it doesn't mean they don't share loving glances, hold hands when possible, cuddle on the couch, when the guys are there, just low-key stuff.

•They don't like it when other members of the team call them by their real names. I feel like this would apply to both of them, but Engineer would be more of the type to say that he doesn't mind it but he prefers it not to be used and if you call Soldier by his real name, run because he will gut you alive.

Can you tell I'm obsessed with Helmet Party? So, yeah! These are some but definitely not everything, it's just that I'm tired of typing shit lol (I'm lazy sorry). I'd like to hear your thoughts or own personal head canons about our mercs! Don't hesitate to comment cuz I love that😘

UPDATED HC: 07/18/23

•Pyro crochets. Idk. Like I just see him crocheting a dino or a unicorn for himself or to give to others.

•Heavy is English, literature, poetry, etc. smart while Medic is Mathematics, Science, etc. Smart.

•Medic LOVES being praised so heavy always praises him. From that series of sfm by HoovyTube (idk I could be wrong) about Medic and Spy not getting the recognition that they deserve and I feel like Heavy knows about Medic's craving for recognition so he praises him a LOT. Like "thank you doctor" "you are so smart doktor" etc.

UPDATE: 07/23/23

•Soldier is BEST at combat plans. Like okay, we all know that this man isn't the smartest right? But I can totally see him planning shit for upcoming battles, sometimes they are very absurd, and the other mercs are like worried cuz it might not work but in the end it all works out. Like all the time, which is why they let Soldier give these speeches before battle.

•Heavy is part of the people who taste soap in Cilantro. Like he is a man that'll eat whatever (edible) is given to him but as soon as he sees Cilantro on that stuff? Nah, he ain't eating it.

•Scout has dyslexia. This is more of canon tbh. He can read but he finds it difficult especially if he's reading it out loud.

•Engineer and Pyro have autism. Which is why engie is sometimes the only person who really gets Pyro and vice versa.

•Engineer, Medic, Spy, and Heavy are the Mercs that learned ASL for Pyro. They once found out that the man prefers to sign than try to talk when it comes out incoherent to them anyway.

•scout and sniper both know Morse code. It helped them expressing their love for each other even when the other mercenaries are there when they still kept it low-key. But what they didn't know is that Spy also knows Morse code , so evrytime Scout says "I love you" in Morse code, spy always let's out a disapproving groan or eye roll.

08/01/23

•Medic plays the violin, Engie plays the piano and guitar, what does Scout play? All three. I've got a feeling that bcuz he's the youngest he never got that much attention from his siblings (author is the youngest of five) and because he never got anyone to play with, he hangs out with a lot of people which is how he learned to play these instruments but he mostly plays guitar.

•these three having GOOD voices. Medic and Engie are expected but Scout? Nah, no one guessed. So it's really a surprise to the mercs when they find out he can sing.

•bidwell and miss Pauling are friends because they have one thing in common; overworked.

[seeminglyseph]

I'm like... slowly watching a Chainsaw Man reaction and getting stoned to deal with a liiitttle PTSD episode I had earlier... and realizing that like.

as a person. who is very touch starved and lonely in my own way. while Denji has like "I wanna touch a boob" which is like funny etc etc... if he was not an animated character whose age was easy to forget, because his everyman protagonist placement makes me accidentally age him up to be closer in age to me... anime is bad for me just fuckin' forgetting that people are high school students. I just mentally adjust people to be 'neutral age' instead of their actual age. Especially if they happen to work in an adult industry surrounded by other adults.

I fully like. though. can understand like. 'man... sometimes I'm curious what that kind of sexual interaction is like. I have kinda given up on being seen as sexually appealing... but I kinda crave that intimacy.' and like. a lot of really toxic relationships have been built on that foundation. and exploring it with Denji is really interesting because like. Denji and Makima are.. a relationship dynamic I've seen played out with the Teacher and Student in a lot of series that aren't supernatural adventure shows. "I've given up on being considered attractive but I crave something" and "I know I can manipulate you and can get what I want from you without you realizing it because you have no experience and no confidence" and it's really fascinating. And all of us knew it was bad from the moment it started, but it was like 'yeah but it's like... something. and that's kinda good enough.'

And like. I ain't gonna shame the folks barking, I got my fair share of nasty abusive freaks I would bark at too. My Toxic Fictional Man list is Too Fucking Long. I'm just like. Too Gay for Makima. that's the only reason I'm not right there with you. Also I have like... too many abusive toxic women in my real life, fictional toxic women just don't do it for me. but like genuinely, I get it. I understand. Good for you, I hope you enjoy the good rep for genuinely horrifying Toxic Fictional Mistresses Who Might Walk You On A Leash If You're Good. like I get that want for fictional characters who make you both scared and horny for the subs out there. it's hard to get a good Evil Dominant who isn't just Tsundere or Yandere. The Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss is immaculate and like, congratulations on your full sexual awakening.

But practice safe kink IRL. to bring it maybe back around I guess. it's important to know like. when you can tolerate and survive being alone better than being with someone toxic, and that like. it's one thing to do a sexy roleplay of that stuff, but like there has to be a place where is stops 'cause it can wear down your self worth. Practice safe boundaries in kink. it's important even it maybe it's kinda boring. But it can mean you can do more exciting stuff. You *can* be someone's dog, if you also know you are important and valuable and a person with the right to say no in situations that you don't like. Live your fucking best life with communication, boundaries and safe kink. idk.

[willowser]

willow!! i so love the way you characterise our faves 🥺💗 it’s spot on every time!!! as someone who writes as well, i honestly find it so intimidating to tackle complex characters (for me: bakugo, gojo, ++) & am amazed every time i read your works bc hOW ?????? you write them so well 🥹 forgive me for this q&a but!! are there any characters that you find are a bit intimidating because of their complexity? who? and how do you navigate characterising them 😳

omg tysm !!! 🥺🥺🥺 i really, really appreciate this bc characterization is probably the most important thing to me, when i'm writing !!! 🥺 and so to be complimented over it feels so like I'VE BEEN WITNESSED !!!! ajfhejak you're so kind, thank you truly 🥺🥺🩷✨️

BUT OH MAN i'm so afraid to write for so many because of their depth !!! gojo is a big one !! though i've started kicking him around in my head a bit more, he still intimidates me SO MUCH bc his character and trauma and backstory, how it all manifests into his personality, how that would translate romantically — it's all SO COMPLEX AJFJDKA so 👀 he scares me quite a bit 👀 but others would be like hawks, deku, aki, yuuta, shouto is another BIG one — though i literally just posted something for him LOL — toji, too !

characterization is honestly just so fun for me, like i love anything that's going to test how i specifically view a character, and i love trying to fit them into specific situations and seeing how i would justify their reactions ! i feel like in order for me to feel confident writing for a character, i just have to really understand them, like their goals in their stories, their friendships, how they form bonds, how they are socially compared to how their emotions are portrayed, what struggles they've overcome and how that would shape their personality, their fears and deep desires, etc. it's a lot !! so it's why i can only write a handful of characters at a time ajfheja bc then there's just so much space in my brain being taken by all the little hc's i have LOL

i think reading A LOT for them helps, as well !! and that's usually the first thing i do, because it's like research ! and i read from many different writers so that i'm not getting the same characteristics over and over again, and then once i kind of understand some of the more common themes they're written with, i start making connections between their personality and personal beliefs, fears, wants, etc. their past !

another thing that i actually think helps is like — writing so many au's LOL bc one thing about me, i'm gonna write an au akfhskak but i feel like if you take a character out of their world and stuff them into another, you still have to keep their core personality consistent or else you're just writing for some original character with a known and loved face slapped over it. but things can still be a little bit different, ofc, because THAT au character is going to have a different backstory than the original, so that will shape the personality some.

like for example, werewolf bakugou is a bit rougher and tougher than canon bkg, because he's LITERALLY a werewolf LOL and he's got those animalistic tendencies, plus all that he went through when that change affected his life. there's no all might or edge shot or anything like that, but !! he's got his own issues !!! .....maybe that's why i like au's so much, bc it's just another characterization test LOL

it's 2am. idk if this makes ANY SENSE or is even COHERENT. but thank you for asking i cherish you so so much !!!!

[student-in-nightraven]

Hello!!! Is it possible your matchups are open? If so, could you match me up with the obey me cast? Or twisted wonderland, since I'm fine with both!

Idrk how to start this off since I'm an awkward person (at first), but I'll try describing my personality..

I'm an esfp(got enfp on different tests) people say I'm a fun person to be with, though I can be quite annoying.. People also say that I'm charming (only when I want to be), and a really nice person! The way I dress is quite the opposite from how I act. I dress in rokku gyaru clothing and Gothic lolita whenever I get the chance, and theyre often stereotyped to be someone mean, and really hardcore, but I'm not! I literally have like 30 plushies hiding in my closet😭😭 though apart from dressing like that, I also dress in himekaji, and sweet lolita clothing!

I'm really, really, REAAALLY energetic. It can be pretty hard to keep up with me. And I talk A LOT, I talk so much I pretty much just talk about EVERYTHING that happened to me.. I always regret it after. I'm chaotic and childish, though I can act calmer and more mature and sophisticated if others want me to.

I'm really great with children, though they can annoy me sometimes.. And I really love cats! I own like 16 cats, don't even ask abt it😭😭

I love learning about new stuff, and listening to others stories! It's always fun to learn something new.

I have hobbies that include: reading, writing, drawing, etc!

I mostly read stuff on the horror genre, and poetry! But I occasionally read romance.

I'm a female who's fine with any pronouns but prefers he/him or they/them pronouns

Here's a little more about me; I give almost everyone a silly nickname, it's usually from something silly/embarrassing they did or smth they remind me of and I tease them with it(if they're uncomfortable with it I stop calling them that immediately). I don't usually play games online,and I much prefer to go outside. I have a habit of typing in caps (im not mad or anything-just really excited to chat) People I'm close with say that they we're scared at me at first since I kinda have a rbf😞 I seem much more confident and bold than I really am, people think I'm brave when in reality; I'm not really that brave. People usually open up to me quick, and tell me that they think I'm kind, and caring! (I love those people with all my heart istg😭)

That's it! You must be tired of reading, and I'm tired of typing😢 thanks 4 reading all of this!!

16 cats?! That's impressive👀, but either way, I match you with..

..

... Lilia!

Lilia loves your clothing style, since his kinda into the gothic outfits too so he loves matching with you, once he found out you have 16 cats he immediately wanted to see them and memorise everyone's name(he actually did memorise them, can't remember his own birthday but he can remember 16 cats names😭)

Lilia loves going in adventures with you, and hearing you talk about your interests, it can be hours but he'll never get tired from hearing your own tales💞

You two are super chaotic and whenever about to cause trouble have that Cheshire cat grin on your faces and anyone who's around to witness that is preparing to survive.

You give him a nickname and he adores it, pouts anytime you don't use a special nickname on him, he obviously uses nicknames for you too! He calls you his little bat or bloop (idk I suck at nicknames 💔)

Lilia tells you his tales that includes horror since he found out you like the genre, also I hc that he's a writer so he shows you some of his poems he wrote, most of them are new which he wrote ab you

He's bubbly around you and you're bubbly around him, one of the most sunshine couple the entire nrc had ever seen!

In short you 2 are the sunshine/chaotic couple!<3

Thank you for the request dear annon! May you have a wonderful week♡

[desudog-gone]

Grrrbv ;'_';

Just saw a mutual who randomly blocked me (old blogs, i only saw them bc i moved sense then. Not purposfilly block evading) some months ago after we were really close (like, shared stuff personal with and gave free stuff on flight rising type of close) and it just. I can't feel fulfilled about it. Why. Like why did they do that. They didn't even like vague about me so I could tell what it was about. It just feels terrible. Usually I don't really feel this way about when people find it time to go, but it literally happened 100% randomly. Sometimes I consider asking them (of course, very consciously will make it sure I'm okay with any answer) because it really confuses me but I also just think that seems... childish? I don't know. I won't call it ableism but it kinda felt that way, just randomly blocking a very int disabled mutual and then doubling down on being buddy with the person who said I had the skills of a child among other statements that are just nasty over something that was nothing. It's just weird. It makes me feel really sad and sick inside and I just don't get it. I can let other stuff go idk why this one's so hard. Well I do, because I cared about them but was apparently overnight disposable? But it's happened before.

Idk. Hard to fight my fear of abandonment and issues trusting others when everyone I confide in either lashes out at me or wordlessly blocks me on every platform and every blog I've ever owned. I have a really hard time talking to people and trusting them these days. I kinda only talk in depth to ppl anymore 1 on 1 like on discord if I'm convinced I'm not the "weirder" one of us.. even mutuals I had and didn't block me just kinda faded away from me lately and it's just very uncomfortable and sad. Idk.

I really try not to feel like this or think like it but it keeps happening and i feel unsafe and upset. It makes me feel really sad. I just feel confused and sad. It makes me scared after I get vulnerable to others. I feel like I get retraumatized every few months. And I'm just too stupid to be allowed to be okay. I "have the conversational skills of a 5 year old." Its okay to not tell me why or when you leave, right? Insulting me for daring to sleep is okay because I'm too dumb to understand words right? Idk. I won't call it ableism. But I feel unsteady.

I really appreciate the freidns I have. The only problem always have. But I feel like I've been taught that no matter what I'm not worth appreciated. I just existed to make my mutuals laugh or to listen to their vents (but not mine) or to engage in their special interest (NEVER mine.) And when they get another friend I'm worthless idiot who can be thrown away. I don't belive that but it feels like people mean that...

I just wish I knew. I always wish I knew, I'm happier when people are meaner to me because I can process mean and angry to me. I can process that I know what it means and I can get over it but the quiet unannounced disappearance is bad and so scary and I think its worse because my disability. I'm sorry I can't tell. I can't tell when you started to hate me. But I'm never sorry that I was kind.

So many times I am worried now because I opened up. I regret it every time now. It's so scary. I regret ever opening my heart to people in dms about my joys or things that upset me it's so so scary when they hate me.

Sometimes it feels like everyone hates me. It's not true but I feel bad inside about people a lot.

I try not to look scared and I try to be brave for myself. Whenever it happens I get scared. Because I let people inside and it means they can hurt me once they decide I'm no longer valuable or human enough to be kind to.

And it like... everyone does.. ! It's not "I wont" it's "not for now".

I know they're talking about me. I know they want to hurt me if they haven't already.

I feel like talking is wading through MUD.

I want to love people stronger. I want to love people happy and confident.

Sometimes I forget not many people want this for me

[always-me-meha]

Frick I'm really scared the direction my life's going. I was super excited and confident this morning....... that there'd be none today but FUK.

My best option is to STAY home. Even if I wanna really go see him..... just idk the high popo activity and everything too...... maybe some shits about to go down...... and I don't wanna be involved in any of it :(

This isn't like the days when you're out just getting wasted, smoking some dope. The devils lettuce lol and the occasional white snow.

All things that a good majority of people commonly did (maybe not snow). For example, Can't judge one for getting busted drinking and driving home, since many others have done the same at least once, but never got caught for it.

This shits worse tho..... I'm losing train of thought why???? Cause for me it feels so innocent...im not doing anything wrong in my mind besides having a hoot and chilling.... but I haven't been around or in a situation where shit has hit the fan, and I never want to be. Expect when the popo knocked on my window...... and now I realize even taking people to a store can get me in serious trouble..... I don't want that.

Like I heard how a couple nights ago things were extremely bad at that place (I was home safe and sound) there were accusations, fighting, a knife being swung around, a gun being pointed at people, and idk what else. Just not good..... exact reason why I'm to never go back, just because things were alright the first two times I was there doesn't mean they'll be like that next time.

That's why he was pissed off I was there again cause not only did I promise I wouldn't go. He knew how bad things got there. Ass should've told me. All he said was people were off his books or something. Didn't tell me anything else. Till after she told me what happend, then he started telling his side of things.

She told me all about it when we hung out. And of course I'm in lala land hearing all this as CASUAL girl talk (wtf this isn't shit we should even be talking about to begin with... like it's a normal life problem in a way? If that makes sense) like yes us girls can talk and vent how we think our men are cheating and stuff or how they did this cute thing for us, or we should go for coffee, anything like that yenno?!? Not shit like pointing a gun at your man omg...... as we casually smoke. Or just agh ya......

Like....Jesus christ..... like I said before when I'm not talking, I'm always observing. I didn't get spooked that day until her man came home pissed off, something about being stalked and his bike tires getting slashed so he was gonna slash someone's tires idk? I was just panicking if he meant my car tires 🙄 idk my guy says it was her that did it but idfk. I need more details? When did the bike tires get slashed? Cause she was with me the whole time, and she seen him biking by the house twice. Sooooo If that's the bike he talking about she didn't do it.

Agh this where I like hanging with her cause I get how she feels and stuff, I also feel the guys shit on her to much, push her to a breaking point plus the drugs activate more uncontrollable behaviour.

But idk grrrr smarten up, I'm not allowed to hang with her. All for good reasons for my own safety........but dammit. She doesn't give me bad vibes like other people..... like man all we wanna do is color lololol like I said INNOCENT.

Like I've ALWAYS been one that likes to avoid trouble, cause my mums scary af for one lol I like to stay in one place and be good when im with people drinking or whatever.

I just seriously didn't realize I'm in the fucking center of trouble rn 😪😪😪 like wuuuuut, when did it go from feeling harmless to..... idk the words.....

[nightcall99]

Dream 3.9.24

Dream 1: I went to the neighbour's house who had a Vyvanse script for safekeeping and I took it from them to prepare it at home. They said to me, Why did you take it? I dunno that I answered her but it seemed that I just wanted to take care of the situation. Then a boy, the person who it was for, and his carer (probably his mother) came over to the house (it was our old house). I knew that the boy was somewhat mentally disabled/ill. Then they were staying here so I must have offered them to stay here because I felt bad. The carer was asking me questions as I had labelled up the bottle and gave to her.

So now I had two people staying at our old house. The room they were staying in had water dripping from the ceiling. I think I tried to ignore it at first but then it had gotten worse. But after awhile, I had to bring down the mattress and a pink duvet cover down the stairs in order to wring out the water. I felt really bad. I tried to help them as best I could since I wanted their stay to be somewhat comfortable. I was gonna wring out as much as I could and then use a hair dryer to dry it out before they have to sleep tonight. I am confident that I make it dry enough.

Dream 2: My ex, MP, was here. He thinks we are together. I am trying to shake him off but he won't go away and it's making me really frustrated. I wish he would go away. Why is he following me? He was hanging around with his mate JC and they were both hanging around me actually. I didn't want him. We had gotten back from somewhere and he had followed me home. I was so agitated and I don’t want him near me. He kept acting like we were a couple. I was trying to run away from him and shake him loose. Were he and JC staying in that room with the dripping ceiling? IDK.

Dream 3: I was browsing in a clothing shop that wasn't much to my style. There wasn't anything that I liked. I noticed that there were two other ladies who looked really cool. I left the shop. Then nearby was a different shop, the entrance to get up was up some stairs. I was interested in going inside but I didn't want to go up alone. I felt hesitant. Then I saw those two ladies from before who were umming and ahhing about going up too. I said to them, Do u want to go up together? I'm scared of going up alone. They said, Sure and we all went up.

It was a really cool shop like gothic retro witchy whimsical vibes. There’s jewellery and bags and dresses and random stuff. We spent a good long while here. I observed the two women who seemed like really close friends. They were quite eccentric and the type of people I have always wanted to be friends with. I liked their energy, it was so unique. And most of all, they were kind. There was a table of random bric-a-brac that I was browsing at and I saw some merchandise that my ex had created. I was surprised to see it here. I picked it up. It was a tiny flip book of his quotes, tips and stories about life, I guess. There were two different versions. I'm not sure if it was one of the two girls from before, or a different girl, but whoever it was knew him and was still friends with my ex. She saw me with the book and told me stuff along the lines of him being successful now. Evidently enough to have his own branding. Apparently he has moved to South Australia, for some job. I asked her, Is it weird that I’m looking at this? They said no but I kinda think it seemed weird. He seems successful but the books were so 3D, I could just tell without even reading any of it. But nevertheless I was glad he was happy. I felt a twinge of regret, I don't know what for. I knew that I didn't want be seen as sentimental, so I didn't want to leaf through the book for longer than necessary. I didn’t want to looks like I missed him because I didn't, I was simply curious. I realised that he and I had both gone of two completely different paths. I knew that girl was still friends with him and I didn’t want them relaying to him stuff about me. I looked through the window. It was getting dark. I ignored it.

I kept browsing. The shopkeeper saw me looking at a display of handbags. I was looking at one bag in particular when she struck up a conversation with me and said, We have a similar skin tone and we like to wear a lot of blue. As if I was wearing blue right then but I wasn't, my outfit was all black. Then she showed me a velvet bag that I might like. I really liked it, it was in my style. I found a mirror to look at myself in. The bag was smaller in real life, just the right size but when I looked in the mirror, the bag became huge. It was way too big and looked off. I tried to make myself like it but I couldn’t. I realised that ultimately I didn’t like anything in this shop, like I liked the idea of the shop and the general vibe but each time I looked at the individual pieces I wasn’t interested.

I realised it was getting really late. The sun was starting to set. I think I biked here so I needed it to not be dark as I rode home. I browsed some more feeling like I needed to purchase something. I quickly looked at the other two ladies and they looked as if they were happy to keep browsing. I felt weird to leave by myself for some reason. However, I really needed to go. I felt bad to announce that I was going, even to the shopkeeper since I'd spent so long here and not purchased anything. She had been so nice to me. I was going to tell her that I’ll be around next time, soon. I also wondered if those two women would want to be friends with me. Would they ever ask me out to eat? I felt like I had to say something to them before I left as if I owed it to them. I felt agitated now. I had to go. I was kinda sad I hadn’t found anything to my liking.

[niningtori]

yay!!! i’m glad ur feeling better!! and getting back to writing after feeling sad always helps me too

U seem so fun to be around I love ur energy saur much. we could sing together omg 🧸 i am always nervous to sing a cappella in front of others so that’s why ive been trying to improve on that too bc pitch perfect changed my life in 2012 idk

i was learning bad boy by red velvet that’s one of my fav songs ever 😭 and the choreo is so addicting to me and it seemed a bit easier than learning a boy group choreo NDNFMSJ i want to eventually learn them too… i think i have the dancing spirits in me. my mom likes to brag she was a dancer back in her day but idk how true that is!

u write lyrics omg >.< we have lots in common. it’s very hard to learn to production all on ur own which is what i’m doing bc im stubborn n want to prove to myself i can do it without help… so don’t be sad that u can’t without a melody! that in itself is good bc it shows u have an ear for music :) i’m learning to produce bc i actually want to be a music producer!!! i wanna work behind the scenes in the music industry for rn i’m still too shy and not as confident to be in the spotlight. my dream is to work in kpop 🙂‍↕️ along with the western artists ofc. ariana grande and kpop really boosted my love for music like i can’t even describe..

it took me a long ass time to actually realize what i wanted to do and it felt very right even tho i haven’t done much to make my own music pls. i’m just scared but im telling myself to affirm that im fearless so i shut up and work!!!! 🐰

thank u angel 😭 u r the sweetest it's such a shame that we r not irl friends :(

and i used to sing rlly well but i had some health issues for a few years so my vocal cords aren't what they used to be unfortunately 😭 i'd still love to sing w u tho!! i'm pretty shy w singing a cappella but my brother plays a lot of instruments so i used to sing w him accompanying me a lot. also that's SO funny bc pitch perfect came out when i was in a choir class i think it changed every young singers' life not even kidding BENSJWJSJSK

also omg i LOVE red velvet... their new title track is so excellent!! i'd love to hear ur progress on learning new dances i find it fascinating even if i could never do it myself. n that's so cute ab ur mom omg u rlly might have the spirit in u !! my mom tried to teach me traditional cultural dances when i was younger but my uncoordinated ass couldn't keep up LMAO

hehe thank u sm 🥹 i wouldn't say i'm a genius lyricist by any stretch of the imagination but i do like writing poems and stuff n i've mentioned it on here before but that's what my original medium was... just poetry... i'd love to publish my poetry book someday w some doodles but alas that dream seems very far away

being a music producer is such a cool dream to have but i 100% believe you can do it!! i think having that goal and actively working towards it is just wonderful n inspiring 😭 and seriously dedicating yourself to it is so admirable to me. when u make it big pls remember nini niningtori n that she believed in u 🫡