#idk ill try to talk to a nurse

[doctorwormcore]

Guess who has exploratory surgery tomorrow? Slaaaaayyyyy

[nomaishuttle]

nurses stop being cunts challenge difficulty level fucking impossible apparently

[justphilia]

Rating Dungeon Meshi Characters Based on How Well They Can Take Care of Me When I'm Sick

Scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best. Precaution I have bias for women.

Laios - 7/10 He'll definitely try his best, but he's not very good at it. Achieves the bare minimum of keeping me fed and making sure I take my meds, but most of the time he wouldn't really know what to do to help more. As I drift in and out of consciousness, I see him staring at me with his autism eyes through the gap of my door.

Falin - 9/10 Practically my bedside nurse. Checks my temperature every so often, makes sure to keep my forehead cool. She makes it possible for me to be glad I'm sick, though I am not sure if she knows how to cook. Fortunately, too ill to gaf. Also it's Falin.

Marcille - 9/10 She will think I am dying and because of this she's desperate to help me recover. Heh. I love the attention. But I think. I THINK. she may not know what she is doing about a quarter of the time. She'll read the instructions on my meds like 5 times before giving it to me. She'll research what kind of foods is good for speedy recovery. She'll forget to wring the cold rag before putting it on my head, and every time I fall asleep she thinks I passed away.

Chilchuck - 6/10 Like my dad. "Don't forget to take your meds." Feeds me porridge for lunch and dinner. I don't see his face like the whole day, but I'll be unsure if it's because he's purposely checking in on me when I'm knocked out or he just doesn't want to bother me at all. I can't ask, because he wouldn't answer honestly (he's embarrassed).

Senshi - 8/10 I feel like he's gonna be like my mom and feed me herbal medicine and home remedies. My recovery will be slightly slower, but I'll recover. I will be eating soooo good, 'cause he'll definitely put a spin on every meal meant to help me recover. He sits by my bedside and does his own thang while I sleep, or talk about what he put in my food as like a bedtime story. When he goes to the toilet, I cry.

Toshiro (without his retainers [not including Izutsumi]) - 4/10 Porridge is simple enough to make, I think he is capable of that at the very least. I think he'd make sure I drink enough water, and will ask if I've taken my meds yet. But that's all his efforts and capabilities. I wouldn't blame him. He wears a mask when he enters my room.

Toshiro (with his retainers) - 9/10 Maizuru alone bumped the score by three points because she'll make sure to help Toshiro keep me well fed. But because she's only helping me for Toshiro, she wouldn't go all out with the care. It's okay, their company is enough. I will most likely think I died and went to heaven. They all are wearing masks under Maizuru's order—don't want them catching it and spreading it to Toshiro.

Izutsumi - 2/10 It may be over for me. But if she sleeps at the foot of my bed the entire time and gets me packaged food and water when I ask, I'll live.

Namari - 8/10 Idk. Like! Idk! I think she's gonna be like Laios about it, like she really tries her best, but she's unsure. She's like a combo of Laios and Chilchuck—she can make me food and make sure I take my meds, but I would hardly see her throughout the day. Sometimes she'll come in and ask if I need anything, and if I ask her to stay she'll linger at the doorway then step inside. When I wake up, she may be gone.

Kabru - 7/10 I kinda...don't want him here.....like....I like his face and everything, but I feel. scared. at the thought of being sick and him taking care of me. Might be the blue eyes. Nevertheless, he's able to make sure I don't get worse. He can cook and will help me take my meds, put a cool rag over my forehead, and keep me company until I fall asleep. "I guess you owe me one!" he'll laugh lightly as my fever-fried brain stares at him, and I won't know if he's serious until he tells me so.

Mithrun - 1/10 I am Gone but also he's very attractive so I think I'll die happy.

[joanquill]

Ngl i don't know how to request clearly even i read all your rules so pardon me if i make any mistake

So my request is, maybe a headcanon of ( moriarty bros,billy) meeting f!reader who is calm and unreactive but has social anxiety ALSO likes trying medicine and posion on herself like maomao from apothecary diaries and is good at sword fighting

i'm sorry if it's too much or the grammer is bad

Sis, the way i only have you to get some mtp realistic content in whole tumbler to feed my deluluness😭 don't listen to anyone, you writing are masterpiece👏🏻

Apothecary!Reader with the Moriarty Brothers + Billy

Albert, William, Louis James Moriarty, and Billy the Kid

A/N: LMAOO GURL YOU PRAISE TOO MUCH BUT THANK YOU STILL 😭😂 I haven't watched The Apothecary Diaries, only saw some clips so I might get the character wrong 😅 but I've been planning to watch the anime and read the manga for some time now :)

Tag/s: Fem!Calm!Apothecary!SwordFighter!Reader (yeah sorry idk how to do the tags on this one 😅)

Albert James Moriarty

You two met during a soiree. You were working as a server when a noble lady accused you of poisoning her drink.

 You quickly debunked her statement and revealed the culprit, who was a nobleman with the poison left over on his fingertips and sleeves.

While the culprit was being dragged out by the police, he managed to break free and stole a sword from one of the armor on display.

Albert was about to step in but you managed to steal the sword in his hand and subdue him.

This completely caught Albert's attention, watching how you calmly proved your innocence and showcased your knowledge of medicine and poison and how you protected yourself with finesse.

After consulting with William, he went on to recruit you, seeing potential in your skills to help their cause.

And now, you were appointed as Albert's personal maid.

During gatherings, you're usually a poison tester and his shield-- I mean personal bodyguard from flirtatious noblewomen. (Much to your dismay)

This became a permanent position when someone tried to poison his wine at a gathering.

But he usually compensates by giving you rare herbs and ingredients.

That doesn't mean you stopped trying to find any means to not go to social gatherings though.

When you're experimenting, you can generally see him looming around--looking at your works and asking questions.

You'd ask him why the sudden interest, but he usually brushes them off as mere curiosity.

He likes listening to you talk about different medicines and herbs, finding it fascinating and even joining you in gathering herbs from the forest or planting them in the garden.

He once made you a special sweater that smelled like peppermint for Christmas, providing pockets for the herbs you collect. 

William James Moriarty

You two met when you were kids, back before William and Louis were still living in the slums.

You would try to give some medicine or painkillers to Louis whenever his heart condition acts up.

You and William also browsed the library and whatever books you could get your hands on about medicine and illnesses.

You two would stay by Louis' side to take care of him when his condition gets severe.

You try to look after William, scolding him when he pushes himself too far and nursing him back to health when needed.

But he usually teases you with how you would try poison in your free time, despite you explaining it's for research purposes.

However, you were separated when the two brothers were adopted by the Moriartys.

Until one day, you found two familiar faces in noble attire knocking on your door.

You became the team's medic and support.

He even prepared your own laboratory for your experiments, stocked with different herbs, plants, and ingredients.

Unfortunately, the poisons are all locked and only he and Louis have the key.

William usually has you at the back with Herder and Jack during missions, not wanting you to get into trouble despite knowing how to fight.

You're also his spar partner whenever he wants to sharpen or practice sword fighting.

Unsurprisingly, William usually wins. But he lets you have a victory every once in a while.

He also likes spending time with you in your office, watching you work on your latest creation, or listening to you explain or talk out loud, saying it brings him some sort of peace whenever he's in there with you.

Louis James Moriarty

Same with William's, you both met back when you were kids before they got adopted.

Whenever William is busy trying to find a way to buy food or other essentials, you would stay by his side and try to give him painkillers or medicine.

Sometimes, you would even bring some soothing aromatic plants to help him rest or talk to him about medicine and poison to distract him from the pain.

You even try to make food or snacks that are healthy or help his condition.

He's amazed at the knowledge you possess that even he and his brother couldn't find in books, let alone the passion you have for apothecary.

This doesn't mean he'll let you test anything and everything you can get your hands on.

Not after seeing you accidentally blow up something during an experiment.

Same as William's, you separated after being taken to an orphanage but met again years after and were recruited.

You usually stay at home and help Louis with managing the manors, along with making medicine for everyone.

You usually help him in the kitchen, trying new healthier recipes and avoiding poisonous ingredients.

The poor man has a panic attack every time you taste test poisons with a joyful expression.

He practically child-proofed the house to make sure you didn't do anything too reckless with your tests and experiments.

He also makes sure you don't create anything bizarre whether it's a request or a harmless trial, like an aphrodisiac or hallucinogen.

You two also share advice and spar when it comes to using the blade, despite you using a sword and him focusing more on knives.

You even try to make suggestions, like putting poison on his blade but William quickly shut down the idea.

Billy the Kid

You were assigned as his partner by the Pinkerton Detective Agency.

At first, you were both against it. With Billy's history and you're lack of social skills mixed with his cheerful personality, it was a recipe for disaster.

However, you two managed to work together and somehow fit each other's style, fighting in tandem with your sword and his revolvers.

You're usually in the front lines while he watches your back and blind spots.

Despite facing your enemies head-on, Billy makes sure you don't get hurt and takes the hit when he sees you about to get hurt.

Earning a lecture from you while you tend to his injuries, saying he shouldn't throw himself into danger and you can defend yourself.

Additionally, he usually takes charge when it comes to talking to clients or other people while you stay in the back.

...Maybe looking around the area for any herbs or plants that pique your interest.

This is why Billy usually keeps an eye on you and makes sure you focus on the mission, dragging you by the collar or hand, sometimes even linking your arm with his to make sure you don't wander off.

When you're in your lab experimenting, it doesn't take long before Billy is knocking on your door with fruit snacks, sometimes he even brings some plants he thinks you would like.

While you're working, he's usually in the back looking at the different apparatuses and ingredients on the shelves, asking questions.

It doesn't help when he tries teasing you, saying how unfriendly and awkward you are with people to get a response.

He even stretches your cheeks to see you smile despite your annoyed expression when he's feeling extra bored.

Unfortunately, it only extends to the nicknames he gives you and the corny jokes he'd tell you in between missions.

And the day he finally sees you laughing your heart out, he'll never let you live it down and try to recreate that sound from you.

A/N: Side note why are there no gifs for Billy :') I get that he wasn't in the anime but I see gifs of manga panels so why...

[alornights]

⟢ you took my soul.

➜ in which ! your beauty took their breath away.

💌 ﹫main 4 + butters stotch.

✩ 🎸 warnings﹗none.

🍓 ⟡ notes — me when subliminals start working, tehehe. based on the jimmy & kyle pretty people drabbles i did. idk what im doing tbh.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ eric cartman.

hates you.

the guy was so confused about why you looked like you were glowing and why his heart was about to beat out of his chest.

death stared you the entire first week you moved to town.

he later confronts you asking if you do witchcraft. you obviously answer you don't. he thinks you're lying and got plastic surgery.

you say you didn't with like the prettiest smile he's ever seen. he takes your word for it and everyone was shocked.

since then he's been like a parasite who always seems to be stuck with you always there to shoo off anyone irrelevant.

thinks he has asthma bc every time he sees you his breath cuts short and fucking hates himself for "having" asthma.

has tried on multiple occasions to "get rid" of people who bothered you even in the slightest way.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ kyle broflovski.

is actually so fucking flustered around you.

when he saw you in the cafeteria walking in he couldn't take his eyes off you the entire time, even with his friends calling for him.

if you even give him the slightest hint you're into him, he will take matters into his own hands and just brag to everyone.

for funsies of course.

deffo helps you away from any unwanted eyes, help meaning may literally threaten them in the worst ways possible.

when he's around you its like he's in a daze for him, he just feels like he's on cloud nine and is living the best life ever.

suddenly becomes the most romantic person ever, not that he wasn't already. but like hella cheesy hopeless romantic.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ stan marsh.

the classic and boring response is a throws up. but he actually doesn't do that contrary to popular beliefs.

he faints instead!

he thought he died since he saw an angel and then his vision went black but he thought hey at least that meant hed be in heaven.

he is stunned when he wakes up in the nurse's office and sees you worried about him of all people.

is like a stuttering mess but he starts slowly but surely relaxing around you, still very nervous talking to you though.

has bragged very purposely in front of wendy that y'all are friends.

while he may not be good at romance, he does try. and by trying i mean he makes u a picnic and brings takeout.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ kenny mccormick.

ay, he has a heart attack because of you.

kidding. but bro does feel his heart like- stop when he sees you walking down the halls like it's some rom-com movie.

instantly starts making moves on you, no hesitation.

doesn't matter whats going on, if he has the chance, hell take it.

at one point thought you were like his actual guardian angel because he had yet to die after meeting you.

still thinks you are and worships the ground you walk on.

very much one of those "ill do anything for you" but he actually will do anything for you, like seriously. just ask.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ butters stotch.

surprisingly the most normal of the bunch.

treats you like a normal human being thankfully.

though he does like stutter around you a lot but that calms down and he's usually back to his normal self in like a day or two.

is very much attached to you especially since his parents have

brags so much to the guys and tells them to "suck on these nuts bitch" because you don't hang out with them, ever.

has tried, and failed, to set up a date with you two. cried himself to sleep, and repeated this process for like a week.

it did work. at his house, in front of his parents! but it was kinda fun, you surprisingly got along with them very well.

[montimer]

I've seen a lot of people do nurse and guard readers with the Joker. As someone that has to stay at a mental clinic themselves, I wanna ask if you could do some Headcanons for a fellow inmate!reader ?

If something is incorrect, im sorry! I never been to one but i try my best to make this close to reality. Also i hope you are okay now =] / ♡\

Joker x inmate!reader

Gn!reader, ending is a bit yandere. Could be any joker but i'll go with tnba one

Because of your mental state you were taken to the only place in gotham that was avaliable. Arkham asylum

You weren't crazy no. But there was no where else that you could be taken to. Or so your therapist said so.

Arkham was, something else to say atleast. Sure they got the basic medication and group therapy, but you where also surrounded by villains and other crazyes that would kill to get out.

The doctor kept a check on ur progress, you attended those therapy groups, you did your best to stay away from too dangerous people.

But it wasn't so long till he took a notice of you. The joker.

He first saw you trough his windowed cell. Staring at the new patient. He thought you were just another lost case. Oh but how wrong he was.

The more he saw you, the more he wanted to go up and talk to you. Sadly to him the guards made sure to keep him at his place.

But he had his first chance to talk to you when most of the patients could just chill in the "living room" (im sorry idk how its called lemme show a pic)

(Lobby?? Idk)

As he came in the door most of the patients moved as far aways as they could. You looked up to see who it was that they were so afraid of and you swear your heart just skipped a beat. The joker himself standing at the door, a pleased smile appeared on his face, proud of the fact that many fear him so much. Why he gotta be here of all places?

The guards standed aside and as his eyes landed on you, an even bigger smile appeared on his face and he made his way to you.

You took your time to observe him as he walked towards you. He had white pale skin, his lips painted red, his spiky hair was dark green. He wore the same simple clothes as the other patients. You never seen him up close.

If he tries anything you'll just call for the guards, you tried calming yourself knowing theres no escape. You quickly grabbed a magazine infront of you from the table and started acting like you are busy.

Once he reached you, he sit down next to you on the couch.

He peaked over your shoulders. "What'cha readin'?" He smiled at you.

"Oh, uhh just some magazine.." you said still staring at the page. After not getting a response you looked up at him nervously.

"Ah finally, face to face" he slowly took the magazine out of your hand.

"Whats your name sweets? Haven't seen you around here before." He hold out his hand. "C'mon don't be shy, i don't bite"

"Im y/n.. just got here like a week ago yeah" you shook his hand.

"Y/n? I like the sound of that. Well, you know my name don't'cha? Incase you don't, im The Joker."

"I know, the prince of crime?"

"The one and only!" He said smiling back, happy with your knowledge.

"You are not crazy, so why are ya here?" Interested in you he asks.

You explain your situation and he nods.

"Ah yes, gothams best cure for the mentally ill is throwing them into an insane asylum" he says mockingly while looking at the guards

You giggle at that and it gets his attention. "Finally, a good audience. Haven't had one in so long" he smiles at you.

The two of you chatted for a while. You actually kind of enjoyed his company.

He made lots of jokes and whenever you laughed or even giggled a bit, it made his chest feel all warm and fuzzy. He didn't know how to took it in but all he knew is that he wanted to see you smile and laugh more.

After he ranted about how crappy this place is and he is planning his escape, he asked more about you. Listening to your voice, taking in the details of your face. He haven't had such nice and calm talk in so long. Let alone have anyone listen to his ranting.

The fun didn't last long as the guards made their way to take everyone back to their room/cells.

He looked up at the guard angrily but went anyway. He took one last look at you as he was dragged away.

After that he absolutely loves seeing and talking to you. At the cafeteria, at the rooms. Whenever he can, he'll be around you. The others warn you about him, but to you he seems so sweet in person, only to you.

He slowly realizes he has fallen for you in your staying.

He is extremely clingy and protective. Asking if anyone is annoying you or needed to be 'taken care of'.

He'll wave at you from his cell, calling out to you.

He makes silly attempts to flirt and you just giggle at it, not thinking much about it. But to him, to him it means so much.

But then the time comes when you are finally let out. Before that day you tell him about it happily, so proud of the fact that you can go back to your home. He frowns, you are leaving? Forever?

Oh but he quickly regains his smile. Hes gonna make his escape and will do anything to find you. After all you said you live in gotham, and he can easily find his targets. Atleast now he won't have to wait too long to meet you. No one will interrupt him.

He is already planning his confession and will send lots of gifts to your house. You didn't really think you can get away from him so easily, did you?

He loves you so much, you are his darling, the sweetest! The only one for him, even if you don't know yet...

Silly you, belive you him, your gonna love it with him.

Now he just needs to take you to his hide out to explain. Hopefully you'll understand ;]

[nanawritesit]

Wonho Boyfriend Headcanons!

a/n: this wasn’t requested but there’s a CRIMINALLY low amount of wonho content so i thought i’d do something since he’s literally my husband 💞 (don’t tell san or yoongi hehe)

He loves to call you bunny 🐰

probably wants you to call him bunny as well, it’s a mutual nickname between the two of you

Holding his hand whenever he has to go somewhere high up since he’s afraid of heights, even though his hand is massive compared to yours (he is baby okay)

gym dates 🏋🏼‍♀️

even if you don’t want to work out he just likes taking you with him :)

he likes that you get to see him in his element, all sweaty and breathing heavily 😳

and you’ll usually ward off all the girls and guys who try to hit on him 😀

he’s the best at opening jars, like he should get an award for it

if you’re having trouble opening something you don’t even have to ask, you’ll just hand it to him and he’ll pop it open like it’s the easiest thing in the world

ramen dates 🍜

or pizza, depending on the day 🍕

although he prefers to make it at home with you and just snuggle up on the couch :)

you guys love cooking together

speaking of which, when you guys are alone at home, he barely wears any clothes 💀

like you sometimes wonder why he has so many shirts when he hardly ever wears them

if it’s fall or winter he’ll usually wear sweatpants around the house but that’s about it

(plus it gives him an excuse to cuddle up to you 💞)

he’s SUCH a cuddle bug

everyone thinks he’s so tough and dominant but i think he’s super soft as a boyfriend

loves it when you trace your finger along his tattoos

he can be pretty protective of you, especially if someone is being rude to you

he’ll straight up be like “hey, don’t talk to my partner like that”

he doesn’t like to act serious bc he thinks his size can be intimidating enough to people, but when it comes to protecting you, he won’t hesitate to scare tf out of someone

does NOT like it when other people hit on you

he’ll just bite the inside of his cheek and tighten his grip on your waist while his eyes are piercing into the other persons’ like daggers

again, he’s only scary when he wants to be

it doesn’t bother you though, you mostly just find him extremely attractive when he gets protective of you 👀

but moving on from that, he has a habit of just randomly picking you up and holding you in his arms no matter where you are

even if you’re around your friends, he’ll just scoop you up out of nowhere, and you’ll continue on with your conversation like nothing is happening

your friends are just like ??? why does he do that ???

and you’re just like idk he likes holding me ig 🤷🏼‍♀️

buying his his favorite milk and a tangerine from the convenience store as a surprise before you visit him at work

although he’s usually the one visiting you at work, mostly bc he doesn’t like to eat alone 🥺

you’ve started just packing both your lunches together since you usually end up sharing them

poor baby gets sick really easily so you usually end up being his nurse 💞

he gets SO whiny and needy when he’s sick too 😭

you just baby tf out of him bc he’s so damn cute

making him soup, putting a wet towel on his forehead, rubbing his tummy, refilling his humidifier, anything he needs

he’d do the same for you if he wasn’t always the one falling ill 🙃

you’ve started forcing him to take vitamin c capsules bc you’re tired of seeing him sick all the time

coffee dates ☕️

LOVES it when you steal his shirts

they’re just so big on you and he thinks you look absolutely adorable in them <3

he never gets upset when you take them, in fact he encourages it

“what’s mine is yours bunny” 🥰

obv he loves it when you get all dressed up for an event, and he’ll drool over the sight of you every time, but his favorite look is just you in casual, lazy clothes

asks you to help him practice his english almost every day

he wants to travel the world with you

buying him metamong plushies whenever you see them

he randomly buys you flowers a lot 💐

likes to send you spicy selfies when he knows you’re busy just to fluster you 😳

stealing his glasses just to mess with him, and as he’s looking for them, you’ll put them on and just sit there like ☺️

he just tackles you and covers your face in kisses bc he can’t stay mad at you

he usually prefers taking showers but he LOVES taking baths with you 💞 if he knows you’re having a stressful day he’ll draw a hot bath for the two of you before you get home with your favorite bubbles and light some candles too :)

also loves it when you touch his butt (you just can’t help yourself sometimes) 💀

you’ve definitely changed his mind about marriage. he never saw himself marrying anyone before he met you, and now he can’t imagine his life without you in it 🥰

[berrywantsakiss]

Lady Orchid

★ I just drew her so now I gotta talk abt her too ★

- realmsau

I don't have much art of her bc I'm lame and I suck, but wtvs here goes :3

Orchid Amina was married to Elliott Hark, my best friend (Lou)'s oc.

She was born in the kingdom of Erkin in the Flower Realm, and she and her family lived there for the first 10 years of Orchid's life. They then moved to the Spice Realm and somehow Orchid's father got the title of uh Viscount or smth (I haven't decided, and her lore is more recently being established).

Elliott's family was brought on as servants, and idk that's how she met Elliott and fell in love w him

I have never drawn him young so you get these drawings of him (that I hate) ↓

as you can see I can't decide on how I want to translate lou's style into my own sigh

anyway they get married eventually yk

They both become Viscount and Viscountess after Orchid's dad dies

anyway fast forward a few years, Orchid has Lynch Syndrome (?).

she develops gastric / stomach cancer bc of it. she doesn't tell Elliott and she hides it pretty damn well.

Elliott goes away to war, seemingly smth he'd wanted to do for a long time, this fighting. This is a part of the reason she doesn't tell him — she doesn't want him to not go and do what he wants to do.

but anyway, once he's gone, Orchid hires a nurse, Valeria. I have never drawn Eri and I never will.

She slowly gets sicker and sicker, coughing and vomiting lots of blood, is unable to eat or drink, is constantly coughing and in pain.

she seeks out the Queen of her former kingdom / birthplace, Queen Alba. She begs the Queen to let her have some of the water from the Tree of Life / Lignum Vitae to try and cure her illness. Alba tells her the water will not save her, but only make her suffering worse. (the cancer is alive, not just a virus or smth. the lakewater would just give the tumors vitality or smth).

at this point, Orchid is beginning to regret not telling Elliott and making him stay. she doesn't even hope to survive anymore, only hopes to live long enough to see him come home, to see him for only a second one last time.

well... she doesn't live. she dies like a month after visiting Alba and a few months before Elliott's return. She instructs Valeria not to write Elliott reporting her death as she doesn't want grief to overcome him and get him killed.

so ultimately, he comes home to an empty house.

atp Elliott is like 60 or 70 or smth and the king of the ice realm, Elias wants him SOOOOO BAD. (Elias is Lou's oc)

Elliott (from what I can understand from Lou's queerbait yaoi fics) does end up wanting Elias back (?),, but not until Elliott is like damn near dead from being assassinated.

actually I think Elliott ended up dead at that point, hence how these doodles were born ↓

but uh yea that's it so far fjsnnxbnsnnxnnsnnxna

have her portrait,, my beloved Orchid

this was poorly written, but that is bc she isn't really all that developed outside of existing lowkey just for lou and I to torture each other and for Elliott's character.

she was initially just some idea Lou had, the Elliott had a dead wife in his past — shoulder shrug wtvs — and I was like "CAN I DESIGN HER !!! PLS !!!” and now we are here. bc. I made her really pretty 😭😭

her original concept (from when my current artstyle was still developing </3) ↓

but uh, yea !!! thanks for reading :3

I'm going to go doodle her now instead of.. oh idk.. doing anything else 🤭

[bettercallslur]

been making my brother play the silent hill 2 remake while I watch (he's like my own personal streamer bc I love game but game scary). so we've been talking about the themes and James as a character of course and I wanna explore something that i haven't seen in the discourse but something we discussed a couple nights ago. spoilers under the cut.

so the scene just before labyrinth where Maria is talking to James from the locked room. she says "It doesn't matter who I am." and we both kind of ran with that. I took it to mean that James didn't really love Mary. or, at least, Silent Hill believes he didn't. now we could say it's just the thoughts James has about himself echoing back to him. we got the leave ending first playthrough without even trying and in that he tells Mary that he killed her because he hated her. she responds by saying that's okay and it's played in a way that's I think was supposed to convey that he didn't REALLY hate her. he hated the illness. hated his life being limited. I think all of those complicated emotions can still exist even if you love someone.

but is there an argument to be made that James didn't love Mary at all? he loved who he remembered her as. he "loved" her as "woman". as "wife". but was she ever her own person in his eyes? we never hear about her hobbies. her interests. her personal quirks. she is just Mary. wife of James. even her name lends itself to banality.

that's what we took Maria to mean when she said "it doesn't matter who i am". because in the eyes of James, "his Mary" could be any woman. a cookie cutter wife for him to latch onto. this links hand in hand with his sexual frustration and the way some of the monsters are portrayed. the mannequins beings two pairs of legs glued together with no face. simplifying a woman down to what he considers to be the most important part of them. the nurses, also with no facial expression, being dressed so provocatively and shaped almost pornographically feminine.

idk i guess I see a lot of people addressing the general sexual frustration symbolism but not really digging into why his sexual frustration haunts him so much. again it could all be just a personification of how he sees HIMSELF. and we know that's not always the reality based on Angela... anyway I'm rambling!!! anyone else have this thought?

[an-au-blog]

Ok, I was listening to something and got thinking about Zoro in the East Blue Asylum wing au.

He has to take an extra pill for his aggressive tendencies and paranoia (which is an unfortunate combination, especially for the people who have to hold him down when something happens. He's pretty strong even though he can't train properly within the facility and when he jumps to a fight he wreaks havoc. Not to mention that Sanji is one of the few people who stop him from fights, as he jumps every time Luffy does, which is pretty often.) The problem with the pills is that he hates taking them. He usually hides them under his tongue and then throws them out when no one's watching (or gives them to Brook, who loves the calm feeling they give him because he believes that corpses (as he sees himself) need to rest and be in peace.)

But on the rare occasions when he does take the pills, he gets drowsy and extremely passive. He usually just broods in the corner but after the pills, he's almost like a plant. Sanji, because of past trauma and his extreme fear of authority figures, often asks Zoro to take his pills because they could get into trouble. Zoro finds it hard to tell him 'no'. The only other people he would take the pills for were Luffy and Chopper. But Luffy loved that Zoro hated all the rules as much as he did. And Chopper assumed that Zoro was calm because he was already medicated and it was the medicine at work that made him well-behaved.

The first time he made him take them, he watched him do it to make sure he was obeying the rules and all. They were huddled in the corner and Sanji was just talking about anything and everything but at one point he realized that Zoro wasn't responding. He freaked out and was on the verge of a panic attack when Nami rushed over to reassure him it was okay and that it was just the pills.

"It's okay, it's okay. Look, his eye is still moving." She pointed out.

And sure enough, there he was - slouched and looking at Sanji. His face was expressionless but there was an odd kind of calmness to him. Nami took both their hands and put them in one another (essentially making them hold hands.) Zoro squeezed his hand. It reassured Sanji a bit, but he still refused to leave his side for the rest of the day.

Some of the doctors and nurses didn't like that the east blue wing was starting to become so codependent. They thought that it was an unhealthy coping mechanism but on Dr. Chopper's request, none of them were separated. Until the experiment they did with Dr. Kuma, that was...

Zoro sometimes gets visited by his sister and father. When he argues with his sister he seems more normal than what he acts like with the doctors or nurses. Some of them suspect that he got better a while ago but is faking his illnesses now just so he can stay with his "crew". Ironically enough would be another thing they'd have to try and "medicate" him from.

(I'm thinking of posting some EBAW au sketches for 300 followers maybe? Idk we'll see when we get there ;))

[cambriancrew]

@mandellaeffect

So. It's been several days since this, but we still want to reply. We wrote out a long thing, Tumblr ate it, we rewrote it by hand, and we're just now getting around to typing it up.

And fair warning. We can't talk in depth about this interview and why we said what we said without also talking about the abuse we experienced from our ex. We'll keep it general and nonspecific as much as possible, but please just know, it was REALLY bad. Much worse than what we talk about here. Like we still have PTSD from it bad.

Also it may help to read the AMA we did on Reddit after this interview came out.

So. Our ex believed we either had DID or were demon possessed, and had very ableist views about DID that he used to threaten us with - believed we were dangerous to be around, for instance - and threatened us with involuntarily commitment. He also tried to prevent us from seeing any therapist or mental health care provider other than the extremely bigoted, very out of date pastor/counselor of the church we went to and that our husband worked at.

We worried that he was right, that we might fit the criteria for OSDD-1 because of our failing relationship with him.

But, in all honesty, our relationship had been falling apart for awhile, because he was abusive - obsessed with being the perfect fundamentalist Christian couple, bigotry and all. He tried to make us Crew stop being friends with people who weren't Christians, and people who were queer. He tried to dictate what books we could read - no more science fiction and fantasy even though that's the genre we write and even wrote together with him, or psychiatry books even though we worked in a geri-psych nursing home and what we read was relevant. Tried to dictate what we watched on TV and what games we could play - even though he was a huge Star Wars fan and that has huge Buddhist underpinnings, and played Dungeons and Dragons online a lot which he made us swear never to tell anyone because they might think it was demonic - hypocrite much?

He even got upset that we were talking to people about the issues we were having - he called it "emotionally cheating", regardless of the fact we talked with people we had zero romantic interest in - like our own mother.

Anyway. We DID get a different therapist. And something he said helped a LOT with our concerns about having DID. He said our issues with our husband stemmed from his controlling behavior and emotional and verbal abuse, not our plurality - because after all, there's no mental illness called "supports queer people" nor "prefers to read speculative fiction and books on psychiatry" nor "confides in trusted friends about difficulties".

That said. Our therapist and his overseeing psychiatrist did talk with us about what our husband was pressuring us to do: try to get rid of all of the non-Willows. We had a lot of long, tense discussions about this with our system, and knew exactly what would happen if we tried.

We Willows would have been locked away from the front. Jas, Varyn, and Aery would have taken over as primary fronters, and we knew they'd have no problem with that based on our experiences with playing tug of war for front with them. Without us Willows, we may have developed memory issues, especially if we Willows fought back or resisted. This also would have caused us significant stress which would have triggered our fibromyalgia, and may easily have gotten to the point we would have to stop working because we physically couldn't handle it. And undoubtedly it would have caused us social issues as well, because those three can't mimic us Willows well at all, and prefer to be overt anyway, and probably would have used that to put extra pressure on our husband John: "Sorry, you can't talk to Willow right now. I can take a message to her. When we she be back? Idk, whenever John stops being an ass."

This, per our therapist and psychiatrist, would have been enough for a dx of DID or at bare minimum OSDD-1 - and then our ex would have had a much easier time getting us involuntarily committed. (As he did actually try. Got the state involved and there was a court case and everything.)

Because being endogenic and having tulpas is not what defines whether you have DID/OSDD-1 or not - it's whether there's distress or dysfunction. Doesn't have to be constant, doesn't have to be severe, just has to be present enough to make it harder to function.

Also, we've been in therapy from that time till now, for our depression and PTSD. Those cause us distress and dysfunction. Being plural doesn't - it eases our distress and increases our ability to function. We get worse when we Willows try to do everything on our own.

Also? Tulpas absolutely ARE endogenic - they aren't caused by trauma, and that's all endogenic means.

And. We were not told by Reddit that our headmates are tulpas. When we stumbled on the community, we recognized that what we had done in creating our headmates unintentionally was the same things people in the community were doing on purpose.

We remember sitting down and coming up with the idea of Jas. We remember learning to hear her, in vague images and ideas at first, then longer and longer full conversations. We remember the thrill of first hearing her interrupt our thoughts. We used to have several notebooks and binders full of written down conversations between us, with us Willows doing all the writing for the most part but on occasion Jas would take over just enough to write her own notes - in her own handwriting, different from us Willows' handwriting. We remember meditating to improve our ability to hear her. We remember visiting her in the paracosm, and her visiting us at our writing desk and on the school bus and sitting next to us at church. We remember her creating Varyn. We remember creating Morrie, and when he went dormant. We remember making Tristan&, and when she broke off communication with us - they'll still only talk to Jas.

Point is, we know their origins, all of them. We were there.

There's no "they were there all along." There's no "we don't know where they came from so we just assume they're endogenic." They certainly don't have roles or even the natural abilities of alters - we had to learn to talk with them, we had to learn how to let them front, we had to learn how to switch.

Some of them identify as soulbonds due e to their connection to their home worlds, but "tulpa" still fits too. Even though some of them cringe at the word, as it's uncomfortably close to a term in the paracosm's primary language for something truly heinous.

Point is, Reddit didn't try and convince us of anything. We came to that conclusion all on our own - and not just us Willows, but the whole system.

And per our mental health care team, we don't fit the criteria for a dissociative disorder. We don't even have issues with general dissociation - we score a 10 on the DES-2, and only that much because of questions directly related to plurality, like hearing voices commenting on your actions. (The eternal peanut gallery lol)

Anyway. Back to Dr. Richard Loewenstein - he was told about our origins. He didn't say that our origins were the reason we did or did not have a dissociative disorder. He said it's about distress.

And now that we've long since kicked our abusive ex to the curb (along with the church that turned on us), we don't have even interpersonal issues like we had with him and them. The people we're close to understand and support us. Our health care team supports us, and even encourages us Willows to lean on the rest of our system as that's what's healthiest for us all.

We don't have a mild case of a dissociative disorder. We're not secretly traumagenic.

We're ready and able to even fight for things our ex threatened us with, including our ability to be out at work, our ability to go through the foster-to-adopt program in our state (and our mental health care team is willing to sign off on our ability to do that), and our ability to be free from the threat of involuntary commitment to an institution.

If our ex, the pastor-counselor, several of our ex friends, state medical officials, and more couldn't find enough proof to diagnose us with DID or get us committed, (versus our therapist and the overseeing psychiatrist and our parents), then there's nothing anything y'all can say that will prove what they could not.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

oizys u should explain mouthwashing game to me alkdfjals;dkfj ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ it sounds neat but too horror-y for me 😭 but i'm getting. idk just like vague hints that you've heard about it or something <3 sooo if u want to then i could hear about it without having to experience it directly 👀

i dont know what would give you the implication ive seen it im so subtle about my enjoyment of it (lying) but yes ill be happy to provide an explanation :)

specifically what im going to do is . copy and paste the Extremely Detailed Run Through of the game that i told blink in a fit of madness, which is pretty much as close as you can get to playing/watching the game Without playing/watching it imltho

and Then since that explanation will still be kinda horror-y and may not be enjoyed by all ill put at the end of it a tl;dr section that's a more str8-forward explanation of the game with minimal horror elements explained in depth

so if u want to read the whole thing Great, if not feel free to speed scroll to the bottom and read there :) if u have any thoughts or follow up questions Please let me know i love being normal about this game

warnings for: blood, gore, mutilation, severe injury, implied assault (general and sexual), death, general Horror and Tension vibes

mouthwashing is a sci-fi horror game, set on the ship 'the tulpar' with its 5 crew members. there's curly, the captain jimmy, the co-pilot, second-in-command anya, the ship's nurse swansea, the ship's mechanic and daisuke, swansea's intern curly and jimmy are old friends, anya's about their age, swansea's an older man with a family back on earth, and daisuke is a teen/twenties smth who doesnt really know what he's doing with his life

when the game Opens u are told it's '0 days until the crash' and u get to have fun playing as a not-immediately-identified character who's running their ship into an asteroid following that scene you switch to '2 months after the crash' where you're playing as jimmy, with most of the rest of the crew sitting at a table with u and talking about whether or not to open up your cargo hold- as a delivery ship, it's against regulations, but you're stuck in the middle of space, the only thing protecting you from death in the vacuum being piles of emergency foam, and if there's food or medical supplies in there, you need them if youve any chance to survive

you learn in short order that the missing crew member- curly, your former captain now that jimmy's taken over that responsibility- was missing bc he's been in the medical ward for 2 months, devoid of his hands, feet, skin, and one eye. he was in the cockpit when the ship crashed, and it shows. if youve seen the fucked up bandaged guy assoiated with the game, surprise! that's post-crash curly

u get to Have Fun feeding him pain meds after anya asks for your help, saying she cant do it herself. this game has Wonderful sound design so. well. no one's having fun

jimmy then gets to go find a way into the cargo hold, along the way learning that the utility room is foamed up to hells and swansea isnt letting anyone else in there for the time being- the ship's cyro pods live in there, and theyre delicate, so he doesnt trust anyone else to break through the foam without a) killing them b) destroying the pods

once u break into the cargo hold, u see shelves upon shelves of cardboard boxes before the game switches gears to flash u back to 7 days before the crash

u learn ur now playing as curly, who's finishing up a psych eval with anya. he passes, huzzah! and offers to do jimmy's for anya when she mentions that he never takes it seriously, making stupid jokes that she then has to write down for the official report

before doing so, however, curly finds that daisuke has trapped himself in some foam trying to fix a utility vent that leads between the utility room and the medical room. curly gets the axe out for swansea to free daisuke with + clear the rest of the foam. luckily, no one is injured, and the pods (right next to the vent) weren't broken. swansea makes it clear that no one, especially daisuke, is to go back into that vent. it's too fucked up, it can't be fixed, you'll be cut and burned and shocked to death trying

curly takes note before leaving to do the eval with jimmy, with it going over more-normal since curly is doing it instead of anya. they then talk about their respective life positions- jimmy feels he's never going to be good enough, that he's never really gotten anywhere meaningful, and curly is torn between staying in his role as a great ship captain or trying to see if he'd be better off somewhere else, if being a captain is really what he wants to do forever

jimmy makes a comment about how curly's choosing between staying at the top of his current ladder or switching for another, but he's still got 'a long way down/to fall' either way

theyre cut off when a message from the higher ups comes in, and jimmy leaves so curly can read it privately

back to 2 months after the crash, the crew reveals what theyve been shipping: mouthwash. boxes upon boxes of mouthwash. one of them makes a comment about how this is what they wanted us crating across the stars? only mouthwash? anya notes that the mouthwash has too much sugar to be used as a disinfectant, and points out the 14% ethanol content. swansea takes this as a good sign to take a swig of the stuff to Swallow, making a comment about 15 years of sobriety down the drain

we return to 7 days before the crash, where curly has read the message from the higher ups and it is Not Good. he goes to tell the crew, only to have them all greet him with hats and balloons- surprise! happy birthday, curly

they only get one birthday celebration per trip, and they take turns each trip with whose bday they focus on, and this time it's curly. jimmy comments on how the tradition is corny, but he's kinda grown to like it, and he looks forward to the next one. curly reacts oddly before he goes to make the cake; he has to be the one to do it, bc only the captain has the rights to make sugar packets

the crew ask him to do a speech, but as he puts the cake down, they realize something's wrong. they ask what, and curly reveals the news of the note- the 'pony express' they work for is pulling the plug on them. this mouthwash expedition will be their last one- they will get paid for it, curly says, they assured me the crew

doesnt exactly take the news well

swansea said they shouldve seen it coming, pony express was the last organization to run manned delivery ships, the writing was on the wall. anya expresses that she doesnt know what to do- she doesnt have any savings. daisuke asks if they can even do this

jimmy gets more into it, pointing out Specifically how fucked they are- swansea's hardly got that many more working years in him, anya never finished nursing school and hey we all know she never will, but, yknow what, daisuke's got a rich mommy and daddy, so thank gods he'll be just fine. jimmy's got nothing waiting for him on earth, but whatever, i'll be fine, isnt that what you said, curly? that im always fine? down here on the bottom of the rungs? and of course, for curly, this is the best possible outcome! a chance to leave being a captain with none of the guilt of the choice. he wasnt even running from being a captain, just from being around them, but he has to be hero. he's always the hero. and now he's still the damn hero

curly tries to calm jimmy, jimmy slams his hands on the table, and tells him to just cut the goddamn cake

curly does so. it looks more like a stabbing motion

back to post-crash, it's the middle of the night. daisuke's asleep, anya + swansea are missing, and curly's scream-groans are echoing through the ship

jimmy goes to check on curly, finds him flailing. he needs more painkillers, but jimmy's not sure if he's had his set for the day cycle yet, so he goes to find anya. both her and swansea are found in the cockpit, talking about something. anya's not sure what to do. they cut off when jimmy appears, ask him if he's having trouble sleeping too

jimmy asks about the meds, anya says she forgot to do it. jimmy berates her for it before saying he'll take care of it- anya tries to insist she can, but jimmy ignores her to do it himself

curly flails more, pained, screaming, but he gets the meds, jimmy sees to that. theyre running low. once theyre out, jimmy muses, they wont have anything to give curly for the pain, to keep him still

still jimmy, we now enter a This Isnt Reality moment

jimmy's in the main area, the screen that simulates a sky cracked and flashing EMERGENCY on it. at the table is curly, in all his bloody bandage glory. the cake's between him and jimmy. curly- who can talk here, who cant talk in real life anymore- wants to eat the cake. jimmy says it's shitty, subpar, not worth it. curly argues that u need meh things to make the good things Good. he asks jimmy to cut it, and jimmy says he will once he finds a knife

the cake knife is in the broken cockpit, buried in the back of the captain's headrest. jimmy comes back and finds the cake is gone, now curly's on the table instead. the game glitches and cuts to 3 months post-crash before you cut anything

jimmy's in the cargo hold. the place's been lightly ransacked, some boxes open, spilling off the shelves. you need to check on the crew

daisuke's on the floor right outside the hold, sick with a mouthwash in hand. he's drunk some. jimmy says he should stop, it'll kill him-

-faster than anything, daisuke finishes. he gives the mouthwash to jimmy. he never wants to see it again

anya's at the table in the main area, staring at an unopened bottle. there's a backup medical storage area, trapped in the foam, but not That trapped. she thinks they can get to it. they need more medicine

jimmy goes to get the axe from swansea. he's wasted on mouthwash (side note, this crew's ability to survive things that usually kill over the longterm is oddly high. no offense curly and swansea, but you both should be dead well before the end of this affair) and dancing with the axe in hand

jimmy wants it? wants to risk cracking a hole in their ship's emergency foam and killing them all? be his guest- swansea buries the axe in the sky screen behind him, right in the center of the fake sun, and lets jimmy take it away

he gets to the medicine. painkillers- different type, different dose- and medicinal rubbing alcohol (pure alcohol, the inventory tells you, so strong that it could kill)

anya asks him to give the pills to curly again. jimmy breaks again, yelling at anya- can she not do her job?? doesnt she know how busy he is as captain, how much he has to do?? find the scanner, get into the cargo hold, check on the crew, get the axe, and of course, give curly his fucking pills. anya backpedals, says she can do it- but no. jimmy's been asked, jimmy's got it. he'll give curly his fucking pills (the swear is in the mission objective now!)

i get it now, jimmy tells a pained curly, about wanting to get out. being captain's hard. you have to do everything. but don't worry curly. jimmy's going to get them all through this. he's going to fix this. he gives curly his fucking medicine

we now cut to 6 hours before "judgement". jimmy's locked himself in the cockpit- outside, swansea is yelling for him, telling him he cant hide, shaking the door. jimmy rushes to the supply cabinet, finds a broken metal pipe and some rope, these can be useful

he shoves the metal pipe into the door, trying to reinforce the lock. he grabs the rope and swansea breaks through the door's window, reaching through the broken glass for the lock

3 days before the crash, anya's sitting in the main area, looking at the simulated sky. it's set for night, deep blue and silver moon. curly sits next to her. neither of them can sleep, anya says she's been having trouble for a few nights now

there's a dead pixel in the top corner, anya tells curly, if you look closely enough curly cant see it, but he says it'll haunt him. now that you've told me, anya, it'll always be in the back of my mind anya asks how much longer they have to the trip. 273 days, curly responds, just under- -8 months, anya finishes. sits for another moment. captain, why do they have a lock on the door for the medical room, but not the sleeping quarters? same reason they do the cockpit, curly replies. safety the screen glitches out on the word

post crash, 5 months. there's an emergency, daisuke tells us- anya's locked in the medical room with curly

jimmy and daisuke go to investigate, try to force the door open. jimmy asks how hard anya's tried to unstick it on her end, has she put her back into it? she's silent. jimmy asks if the door is really stuck. it isnt, she admits, and she isnt going to unlock it

jimmy says she needs to get over herself, that she needs to learn to deal with hardship. all their meds are in there. she needs to open the door

anya says that she still believes people arent as bad as their worst moment (an earlier conversation, back when we were only 2 months post crash, when jimmy was musing on why they chose to keep curly alive despite the cost, despite 'what he did'). that she believes this isnt her worst moment. they wont stop her from what she must do

jimmy, worried about curly, asks daisuke if there's any other way into the medical room. there is. it's the super duper completely off limits vent that starts in the also currently off limits utility room

to get in the utility room, they need to get past swansea. he's got the key and he's still not letting anyone in, looking miserable and ill as he sits outside the utility room door. he's not dead yet, but the mouthwash isnt exactly doing him any favours

8 hours before judgement. daisuke's on his bedroll, bloody and in agony. they need disinfectant- where's the medicinal alcohol? swansea asks (demands) jimmy tells him cocktail, and swansea curses, tells him to go look for something else. swansea goes to the medical room, door now open. you can't see the area where curly is, cant find anya; the screen glitches out in grey stripes you go the cargo hold. the stairs leading down into them are longer, longer than you remember, too long. take responsibility, take care of it. there's a monster in the cargo, and if you move when it's too close it'll get you

you find a bottle of mouthwash, not yet opened, in the hands of the ship's horse mascot polle

you take it back to daisuke. he tells you he's sorry he messed up, you tell him not to speak

it's too much sugar. you have nothing else you close your eyes and daisuke screams

5 months after the crash. you need to get past swansea. he's got a high tolerance, but it can only be so high, right? you mix a cocktail, one part mouthwash, one part medical alcohol (so strong it could kill)

swansea accepts the 'peace offering.' he hits the ground and the key falls out of his pocket. daisuke worries, will he be ok? it's fine. he has a high tolerance

you open the utility room and find that it's not filled to the brim with foam. the edges are, sure, and most of the cyro pods are ruined, but it's clear overall. there's still one pod standing

daisuke's impressed. swansea's done more work than we thought! jimmy argues he hasn't done any work, he's been lying through his teeth the entire time, hiding the remaining cyro pod as his own secret and excuse to keep welding the axe. only one of them can survive, and swansea's setting it up to be him

daisuke isnt convinced, says they should wait to ask swansea about it. jimmy says theyll deal with him later. for now- the vent

it's still a danger, electricity sparking from a loose wire. daisuke's not convinced this is a good idea. sure, swansea may have been lying about the utility room being foamed out, but he was really serious about this vent. maybe they shouldnt go in

jimmy reminds him this is there only way in, to anya, to curly. daisuke has to go in- he'll be fine, and then, swansea will be so proud of him. he'll have done so well. he'll have done good.... under captain's orders

daisuke folds. he's going to do it. he climbs into the vent. you listen to him clunk through, shuffle over the metal- a pained sound, a groan, and then he's into the medical room. oh, anya, what did you do?

it's 1 day before the crash now. your objective is to find the gun

it's not in the medical room, not in the main area. you go to the cockpit, where it should be, and find anya, kneeling on the floor, distraught. as the nurse, she gave all the psych evals, but no one gave her one. you shouldve. you should have done a lot of things

you'll take care of this, you promise her, you'll get this all figured out. it doesnt have to go on the report logs. where's the gun?

anya tells curly she's pregnant. he asks who.

captain, anya says, i told you.

curly asks for the gun again, says he'll talk to him, he's known him a long time, but he needs the gun back

she reminds him that only the captain can open the case, that she doesnt really have the gun, just the case holding it, hidden away. the bylaws wont let you arm her with it against him, but she wont let it fall into his hands

6 hours before judgement. jimmy cant get daisuke's bleeding to stop. swansea's kneeling next to the kid. he's got the axe again

he talks to daisuke, for a bit. about how he hadnt been able to do anything right, about how swansea didnt know why he had come to the ship in the first place. about how he was just a kid trying to figure everything out. about how he was still always Trying. always wanting to Learn. useless ray of goddamn sunshine. you couldve taught an old fool like me a lot. close your eyes, daisuke

swansea raises his axe and strikes the center of the sun

jimmy starts arguing with swansea, angry, why'd he do that? didnt he see jimmy was fixing it, that he just needed time? why will no one on this damn ship give him any time?

swansea says he's done with jimmy's trying to 'fix' everything, that there was no more hope for any of them, that he was sparing daisuke from spending another second with jimmy and his delusions

jimmy accuses swansea of less selfless motivations, tells him that he knows about the utility room, the one remaining cyro pod- swansea's planning to try and be the last one standing, isnt he? 20 years in a cyro chamber is a better chance than the months theyve got on the ship before food runs out

swansea laughs at him. he doesnt want the cyro chamber. he's got everything he needs right there on the ship. does jimmy want it? he's welcome to it - he can tell whatever story he wants when the rescue crews finally find him. he can be the hero. curly and the rest of them'll take the blame. jimmy can be the hero

jimmy brushes him off, goes to the medical room. anya's on the floor, vomit on her chest and three bottles scattered around her slumped over form. curly, still alive, watches you with one eye as you pry open her hidden drawer and find the gun case. you can open it. you're captain now

you go to the medical door. open it up to find swansea running at you, full tilt, axe raised over his head. you slam the door shut

curly laughs at you. as you open the case, get the gun, find swansea running at you. bloody hunk of meat and he's laugh-crying at you

0 days before the crash. anya's in the medical room, on her knees. she told jimmy. curly says he wishes she wouldve waited for him. it doesnt matter. jimmy didnt take the news well, stormed off. curly goes to follow him. he can fix this. he'll fix this

jimmy's outside the utility room. i can fix this, curly tells him. you'll get through this

it's not just me though, is it? jimmy points out. it's your ship, captain. your responsibility (take responsibility, take care of it). that'll follow you around for the rest of your life

or they'll just see it as your best attempt. a tragedy, despite its impeccable captain's supposed best efforts. no survivors to tell the tale

for a moment, the first moment, you cut out of both jimmy and curly's bodies. you watch jimmy put his hand on curly's arm. take care of it, take care of it, take care of it, kills 99.9%-

jimmy says he'll take care of it, and he walks away

moments later, the ship is crashing, jimmy sitting outside of the cockpit. tell me you didn't-? no response. you pry open the doors to the cockpit, rush in headfirst. you'll fix it. you will fix it, even as fire consumes your vision

1 hour before judgement. you've got curly in your arms now. you walk him out to the main area- surprise! happy birthday jimmy

the crew's seated at the table again; anya with her vomit-covered chest, daisuke with a bloody line through his face, swansea with a bullet through his forehead. jimmy places curly on the table. theyre all celebrating him, begging him for a speech. you pick up the knife

for some people, it's enough just to put food on the table. but not for curly. he needs more. you've always needed more, curly, but that's alright. i still believe in you. even like this

a view from above shows the crew slumped over and unmoving. a view from jimmy's eyes show them sitting up, breathing, smiling. swansea's drinking more mouthwash

you cut through the cake with a stabbing motion, a sawing motion, dropping a slab on each member's plate. the cake sits. curly stares. both his legs are shorter than they were before the crash, but one even more so now. feast

you're in the vents now. take responsibility. there's no going back now. you turn around and something- a face- in the darkness- you're facing the vent again. there's no going back now

you crawl, backwards, through the vents. a bloody note reads responsibility and you crawl from it the fastest. axes line the vents. now flowers, hibiscuses, bright pink like the one's on daisuke's shirt

you tie up swansea. you can still fix this, you tell him. you'll fix this

swansea tells a story. how he used to be a drunkard, always down the bottle, until one day he looked in the mirror and scared himself, saw a bloated body in a ditch if he didnt straighten out. he got sober, got a job, a mortgage, a collared shirt. a wife, kids. none of his achievements ever felt as good as he wanted them too. those days, lost to the bottle, living on the edge- they were some of the best he ever had

if i couldve done one thing right, he tells you, i wouldve saved that kid. that would have been worth it. that would have meant something

jimmy says he can fix this. swansea tells him to fuck off. jimmy fires his gun

you walk through the endless halls of the ship. the walls are sporting eyes, and all of them are watching you. curly's eye, eyes. watching you. you crawl out of his throat and find him where you bolted him into the ship, half machine, surrounded by tvs

you go to the tv, watch a cartoon. it's mother goose's birthday. you grab the cake and pull out a slice of curly's leg. he'll thank you one day. you twist the knobs until the cake goes down a treat, until he can't spit it back up. he'll thank you one day

there's flesh in the ship and it's beating, bleating, horses like fetuses in the warmth. the blob blinks filmy eyes out at you and screams

polle's talking to you now. backdrop of the cargo hold. backdrop of the skyscreen, set to night. poor you, polle coos in false sympathy, caged and unbelieved

i tried my best! jimmy argues, me and curly both did. but curly's the better man

why are you still so concerned with him?

jimmy carries curly to the utility room. puts him in the pod. closes the door

we're curly again, watching our old friend through the glass

i wanted to help you, but all i did was hurt you. but you're safe now. no one can harm you now. together we can fix anything, right? we fixed it. i.... i fixed it

jimmy walks out of sight. you hear a gunshot. a moment of panic, blind- did he forget? did he leave you here, trapped, alone-

and the cyro kicks in, blue and cool, as the credits roll through your vision

TL;DR RECAPPING

mouthwashing is about a cargo ship crew stuck in space after their ship was purposefully crashed by one of their own. you take turns playing the game 'before the crash' as curly, the official captain, and playing 'after the crash' as jimmy, the co-pilot and unofficial captain once curly is severely injured by the crash. other characters are anya, the ship's nurse, swansea, the ship's mechanic, daisuke, swansea's intern, and polle, the ship's mascot who is only alive in some nightmares

throughout the game you learn that, while he's convinced the others it was curly, jimmy crashed the ship in a fit of desperation after learning that anya- whom he assaulted- was pregnant. the child was evidence he wouldnt be able to hide when they reached their destination, so... why not crash the ship and doom everyone!

the game gets its name from the fact that the only thing the crew was hauling turns out to be mouthwashing, which swansea uses to get drunk, but otherwise isnt very helpful. many good symbolic/metaphorical implications contained in it though!

by the end of the game, all characters end up dead, save for curly. anya commits suicide with pills, swansea mercy kills daisuke after jimmy goaded him into doing something stupid that got him seriously injured, swansea gets shot when going after jimmy, and jimmy kills himself with gunshot after putting curly in a cyropod. it's possible curly wont survive too, but he's the only crew member with a chance at it

the game has Many themes and concepts and such but some of the most important to take away are:

responsibility and complicity. jimmy and curly are the two player characters for a reason; they're parallels to each other. jimmy is the primary/direct cause for most of what goes wrong, but he wouldn't have been able to do everything he did if curly had done his job and stopped him. curly's complicity in jimmy's crimes are what ultimately doom himself and the entire ship. jimmy does everything, curly does nothing, and they are both to blame

the rampant effects of misogyny, in the workplace and general, and how even in issues that are All about them, women are often excluded from their own narratives. mouthwashing is driven by the injustice anya faces at both jimmy and curly's hands, in how jimmy treats her and in how curly refuses to see what jimmy's done because He's An Old Friend, He Wouldn't Do That, Right? yet, despite this, anya is often strikingly absent from the story, especially in jimmy's hallucinations. he's willing to accept the blame, the responsibility for everything... but not anya. he begs forgiveness for wronging curly, but he never even thinks of it for anya. in a story so largely controlled by the mistreatment she faces and everything she tries to do to combat it, anya is constantly sidelined. this is purposeful. this is unreliable narrator at their finest

turning the blind eye eventually comes back to hurt everyone, especially the ones who looked away the hardest. curly does nothing to help anya, only to end up in a position where he's the one entirely at jimmy's violent mercy. see the previously mentioned points

and there is So Much More but those are some base points u can carry away with u whether u read the full debrief or just the tldr :) hope you enjoyed . i am mentally well (lying)

[beah388love]

Your on your period

18+ Minors DNI!!!

Full Masterlist

Cobra Kai Masterlist

Miguel:it was the middle of science class and you was sitting next to miguel and demetri , a couple of minutes past and you jusy knew and remembered you was due so you began to panick because you didnt have any pads or tampons with you, miguel noticed you was acting weird so he wrote down on a piece of paper 'are you okay? ♡︎' you wrote back no and he quietly whispered to you "whats wrong?" "im on my period and i dont know what to do" you whispered berg quietly back. He put his hand up and said "y/n feels ill can i walk her to the nurse sir" the teacher said yes and you both went to a shop to buy you pads or tampons(or anything you prefer) once you had found a bathroom and sorted yourself out you wouldnt stop thanking him and apoligizing for wasting his time,be immediately told you to stop apoligizing and took you too his house to have a movie marathon and cuddle.

Eli/hawk:you get very hormonal on your period and perticularly today your emotions were everywhere and you was watching peppa pig(idk why lmao) but in the episode you was watching susy was just plain evil and you started crying like having a full mental breakdown and when hawk heard you crying he immediately ran up to you and asked you whats wrong "s-susy is such a bad f-friend" you said between sobs "whos susy?" Hawk replied in a very confused tone and you just pointed to the tv "are you being serious?" Hawk said which made you cry even more "n-no! Dont cry its okay i-uh susy is a horrible friend" he said trying to comfort you and you just kept crying ,when hawk caught on that you was on your period throughout the day he went to a corner shop and got you your fav/f and he got you some more pads or tampons(or whatever u prefer) and he tried to not say anything that would offend you or make you sad for the rest of the day.

Demetri:you and Demetri were cuddling in his bed with your head on his chest and Demetri was gonna pee himself so he sprinted to the toilet and when he came back he turned the light on and that's when he saw it the red stain under you and on your shorts "OMG-ARE YOU OKAY ARE YOU DYING?" Demetri was screaming at you thinking that you was dying and bleeding to death "please don't die" he nearly had a heart attack until you told him you was on your period "oh- I-uh are you okay?" Demetri was now as red as a tomato  "yea but uh I need pads/tampons(or whatever your prefer) demetri went to the store to get you some but didn't know which ones you like or if you even have a preference so he texted you And when you told him what they looked like or the name he got them and bought you some snacks too. When he got back he washed his bedsheets and put new ones on and gave you some of his joggers to wear (which were really baggy on you) and then you guys are snacks and did a movie marathon of all your favourite films.

Robby:Robby would usually keep track of your period because he found it really stupid asking you all the time because you would get mad or sad at him cause of your mood swings so instead he just kept track and when he checked in the morning and saw you was due he bought some of your fav things and some pads/tampons(or whatever you prefer) because you was running out and then you guys chilled at his house and whenever you got a bad cramp he would give you a heating pad and massage your stomach.

Young daniel larusso:he knew instantly because you was always really sensitive on your period and would cry over the littlest things so he tried his best to not say anything that would make you upset or annoyed and when he did he would immediately not talk until you said it was okay for him to again and it might sound bad to others but you both knew it would stop unnecessary arguments and meltdowns for you both so you guys would just cuddle and watch films together all day.

Young johnny lawrence:Johnny knew what a period was but he never actually knew what it was if that makes sense so when you told him you was on yours he was very confused on what he should like if he should hug you or not touch you so he kind of did a mixture of both which was making you really upset because you didn't know why he was acting like that and confronted him after a day or two "Johnny why are you being like this?" You said randomly while you both were cuddling "what do you mean?" He answered back genuinely confused "well you keep being really cuddly and clingy and then you won't even touch me" Johnny knew exactly what you meant now and went bright red "I-uh I'm sorry I just didn't know if you wanted me to touch you or not i mean I've never had to deal with a girl on her uh what's it called?" he said "a period?" You answered "yeah! That's what it's called god that been bugging me all day" he said making you laugh "Johnny you can cuddle me if I'm on my period ,I mean like don't overdo it y'know just be how you usually are" "how I usually am?" He said kind of not believing you "yes how you usually are" you giggled. After that Johnny would act normally around you but he would still be extra kind to you because he knew that periods hurt from seeing you in pain from cramps before.

———

[detentiontrack]

what is PANDAS? /gq

This is a very long infodump but here’s my story!

It stands for Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections! Basically when I was 10, I got a normal case of strep throat. The same kind that every kid gets in childhood. I got on antibiotics and felt better, but overnight (literally overnight. I was completely fine the night before and then it started February 22nd 2016) I started having SEVERE. OCD and anxiety symptoms. It was debilitating. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or function. I was having panic attacks, constant obsessions and compulsions, terrifying intrusive thoughts, and hallucinations. I also started developing tics. I was 10 and it happened overnight, so it wasn’t likely obsessive compulsive disorder or Tourette’s, especially because I didn’t have a family history of those things.

After multiple doctors, a nurse practitioner finally thought to test me for strep antibodies and it was positive. I got started on high dose antibiotics that destroyed my teeth and digestive system, but after 11 months I was still getting strep throat every other week, which would cause me to flare.

At 11, I got my tonsils out, and it helped a bit, but then I started losing function in other areas. At that point, it had spread to my entire brain and it turned into severe encephalitis. I had constant violent tics, debilitating mental illness symptoms, and I was losing the ability to walk and talk. The right side of my body was completely useless and the left side wasn’t much better. I couldn’t talk without a stutter, aphasia, and forgetting how to speak.

At age 12, I got my first bought of IVIG, which helped a little bit, but unfortunately we had shitty health insurance at the time and they wouldn’t cover any more even though I was getting worse by the day. At this point we didn’t know I had encephalitis, we thought I only had PANDAS and PANDAS wouldn’t cause that severe of a reaction on its own. So it was extremely scary. They were testing me for everything they knew, but encephalitis, especially in kids that young, wasn’t super well researched at the time. I had countless tests and everything was coming back “clean”.

Eventually, my mom and I went to every doctor in California that would see us. Even the ones not covered by insurance. At 12, since we saw every neurologist and rheumatologist that would see me in our state, we went to Arizona to see a PANDAS specialist. She recommended me a lot of herbal medications that kept me alive and helped a lot, but since she was in a different state, she couldn’t prescribe any actual medication. But those herbal medications kept me going long enough. That’s when we found out I also had fibromyalgia and my thyroid had failed as a side effect of the encephalitis.

When I was 13, I saw a doctor who diagnosed me with POTS, prescribed me POTS medication, and did a lot of tests to try and find out WHY I was losing the ability to walk and talk. She did a nerve conduction test, MRIs, CTs, and a test where they removed huge chunks of my flesh and tested the nerves (idk what it was called?) however there was no baseline for someone my age for any of the things she was testing for, so we only had a set baseline for if things got worse.

When I was 13, almost 14, I couldn’t walk or stand without a cane, even with a cane I couldn’t walk for very long, and I was very nearly at the point where I needed a wheelchair full time. My speech and tics were terrible, I remember barely even being able to think or process what was happening because the brain inflammation was so severe. I FINALLY got in with a rheumatologist at UCLA who specialized in PANDAS, and he finally was able to get insurance to pay for a years worth of IVIG.

I was on high dose IVIG for a year, and it saved my life. Very slowly, I got better. My OCD stopped, I could talk again, my tics stopped, and I very slowly got back feeling in my body. I couldn’t afford speech therapy or physical therapy at the time, so I had to teach myself how to walk and talk again. 5 years later, I have 100% feeling and function in my right arm, and I can feel most of my right leg, except for my foot and random patches on my thigh and calf. I talk fine most of the time, but if I’m tired, I’ll start slurring my words and occasionally words for things will just. Slip out of my brain and I can’t remember them so I have to improvise. (Yesterday the word for pencil disappeared from my brain so I asked my sister for “the thing that’s like a pen but is gray and you can erase it”)

[raving-raven-writing]

Question 12 please! xD

Thanks for the ask, anon! So, the question is: What's the funniest or craziest AU idea you've ever come up with?

Hmm, let me think on that a bit...are we referring to all the fandoms I've written for? I'm assuming no, since I haven't written AU for some of the fandoms I've written for, so I am assuming you just mean Avatar fandom since that is what I'm really into atm. What I am listing, idk if I would say these are funny or crazy, but to me, some of them fit one or the other. One AU idea I had, that I thought was kinda funny, was like a Cadet Kelly AU. It would take me too long to explain the movie, but it's basically military school, drill team, and a child-father relationship that becomes stronger by the end of the movie. Also has mild romance in it, as well as a bit of bullying from another student. There is another idea that is a 1950s AU. Sometimes, asylums had enough property to have their own little community. In this case, there is a church on the property, which takes in people seeking refuge or people in need. In Paz's case, she was heavily pregnant and didn't have anywhere to go as her family was all deceased. So, Spider would have been born towards the end of WWII. With it being the 1950s, they aren't exactly too nice to people who aren't white not to mention the population of the mental hospitals were too large and the patient to nurse ratio was not good. So when Paz becomes ill, they don't really pay much mind to it until it is much too late. So, she ends up dying, leaving Spider behind to live at the church on the hospital grounds. Eventually, a priest gets a hold of Spider's birth certificate, who gets ahold of Quaritch, who has been away over seas since WWII. He reluctantly takes Spider in, even though he has no idea what to do with a teenager--one who has lived their whole life in a church with abusive nuns and priests, and around crazy people. There was another idea I had that was like, a multiple reality/dimension AU. Where the Spider from Pandora some how ends up in an alternate reality timeline where it is present day, and he lives on Earth, and his parents are both alive and well. Spider spends his time trying to find a way to get back to his reality/dimension and everyone just thinks this boy is absolutely insane because he keeps talking about Pandora and the "tall, blue, cat like people". There is another AU idea, a Munchausen by Proxy case in which Paz has died and Quaritch becomes overly concerned about Spider's wellbeing. So much so to the point that he tries to make Spider think he is chronically ill when he is not. And there is another Modern Day AU, where Quaritch gets remarried to a woman who really does not like Spider, for no good reason. And her and Quaritch have another child together and Spider is kinda forgotten by his father as he dotes on his new daughter, and this step-mother decides to just "do away" with Spider and slowly starts to poison him. Think of like a "Flowers in the Attic" type of situation.

[justanotherhornycatgirl]

.

y'know, it's hard being someone who is chronically good at surviving

there's a running joke, one that has continued through almost every friend group ive ever had, about how im the least lucky person in the world

even when i dont bring it up, people tend to notice that the dice never roll in my favor

i actually learned how to cheat a coin flip just so i could actually win 50% of the time

the same with counting cards

but outside of games, i think the reason people tend to notice is just how often things in my real life go wrong

a semi regular event for me is witnessing a friend's face turn sad/horrified/concerned when i simply describe the events of my life

and I'm almost never trying to complain, there's just no way talk about my past without it sounding like an anthology of disaster

and part of me wonders if i am so unlucky as the price i pay for avoiding death so frequently

but that wouldnt make sense, all of the times where by all accounts i Should Have died wouldnt have happened in the first place if i wasn't so unlucky

but whatever the case may be, it means ive survived way more than i ever should have

ive had far too many people comment onnthe fact that i am seemingly unnaturally optimistic, confident, and happy despite my misfortune

way, way, way too many doctors and therapists praising how determined and self-aware and strong i am just for still being friendly and affable despite the few things i wouldve mentioned about my life to them

hell, just a year ago now i had a nurse in the emergency room comment on how "shockingly cheerful" i am despite the reasons i was under overnight observation

and to some degree, this is intentional

a deliberate effort to cling to joy and hope despite a lifetime of reasons to let both go

but also, i think it's to some degree a subconscious process

i think at a young age i learned that if i let myself feel the proper emotions for the way my life has gone, that no one would wish to be around the girl who was endlessly sad/angry/scared, even if she had every good reason to feel those ways

and i work on it these days, i try to let myself feel these things and express them to my loved ones

but it's hard

and i worry for the people around me

my ocd is doing okay enough right now for me to recognize that my loved ones' misfortunes and struggles are not due to proximity to me

the actual explanation for why all my loved ones are so often struggling is obviously that i gravitate towards people who are already struggling when i meet them

but i worry about the fact that i dont have a fix for theur struggles besides time

im too good at surviving, and throughout my life most of the problems ive dealt with could only be solved through sheer endurance

but so often the people around me wouldn't be as good at surviving

and id lose them

and id move on

find somewhere new

survive until i can make things good in this new place

and ive done this cycle too many times now

and i really like this place

and once again the only solution to the things hurting everyone is time

and im so terrified that once again no one else will have the endurance and that once again ill be the last standing

and i think, if that happens again, that it'll actually give up this time

because this is the best, the most secure, it's ever been, and if this place cant survive then i dont think anywhere with me in it can

but for now all i can do is hope it'll work out

idk, it's 5 am, maybe im just going insane again

either way, if youre reading this, apologies for literally all of that