#idk if this was a bday msg or not but i think this is the last post

[legitseele]

happy birthday, you have changed my existence for the better -love Vita

seele just helped with forging that path! it is up to vita's decision to go forth with the path seele has given you!

if YOU, vita, think you've changed your existence for the better, then seele is proud of you! and seele is glad to have you as a friend.

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

Ieyasu's voiced message (red chat up top)

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas!

Chill anon u remember me??

So idk till where I updated u but imma just start till where I think I left off or maybe. I think I didn't tell u

So basically,

I wrote this letter to give to C, and the letter contained abt how she was being unsupportive of me and how she changed amd evth

I gave it to her and asked her to read it at home

She read it in skl only bc my bsf S saw her! And that pissed me off 😤

But the next day I go to skl, nervous as hell but she didn't even come and talk to Mr

The next day during recess she asked me to go with her and I was scared but I went

And then we talked and she didn't take it will

She said that I overreacted and that she was just joking and that I took it too seriously

She did not even apologise ONCE

NOT ONCE DID SHE SAY SORRY

And we were talking about how she changed when she suddenly remembered that she had plans to hang out with someone

So conversation was left unfinished

And uk wht I was so done with her and one thing I made clear with myself was that I'm not going to approach her and ask her to.talk to me

If she cares she should come and talk to me only

The next day, we didn't say anything she greeted me like normal but our interactions got limited day by day

And I didn't care simply because she was a bad person who.did not take.in. account of her bsf's feelings and if she doesn't care about what I have to say it's not worth it anymore

So we barely talked anymore And then suddenly out of nowhere she started calling me.

And I couldn't pick up bc whenever she called I wasn't there and I didn't want to talk about it over call!

And then she messaged me like pick up please and I didn't want to talk to her over text or call if she REALLY wanted to talk she should've talked to.me in person and I ignored her 🙃

Fast forward a few weeks, my classmate sort of friend but not rlly a friend, let's call her R she called me and asked me if there was smth bw me and C and I told her (look I told her bc she is a frnd of C and I knew C only sent R to talk to me for what? Idk but she did) not evth I didn't mention the letter (I'm alrdy out to R) I just said that she didn't accept me and I moved on

So I came out to R like WAY WAY WAY back in March 2024, and she outed me to a person ik let's call this person Ish

Now Ish asked me if I was pan or some "shit" bc R apparently told her that I was talking abt smth like that... and since she said that I was talking about it I brushed it off as no I am not, I was talking about some1 else.

So that problem was solved.

Honestly best that I ignored C and then started focusing on myself and my friends were a great help!

She then one day asked me why I wasn't returning her calls/texts and I said bc I didn't have my phone which is true I didn't have my phone, my mum had confiscated it but it honestly didn't matter.

And after that we barely even talk anymore And I'm happy with that bc everytime I was with her NOW I realize that even when she complimented me it felt like pain.

Fast forward to December, it was her bday on Xmas and I sent her a short and sweet msg and she replied with "Ty ." BITCH TF???

But anyways she didn't mention anything else and then on New Years she wished me at arnd midnight gahhh

Anyways..

I got rid of her and my life's pretty gr8 rn!

And I took some time off tumblr that's why I didn't update u sooner

I do have some other drama but its cute and I bet you will love it !!!

Hi!

I'm so glad that you're happy with how things turned out. It sounds like you're happier now, and that's what matters. Sure, tell me your other drama, I love cute stories!

[lvioung]

hai im new to tumblr n mb making and iwas wondering if ucould give me some advise on how to get moots n make cool mbs n stuff cs i see that u r very loved [happy (i think late) bday btw, hope u had a wonderful day] n ur mbs are vv cool

anon cs im. shy

omg Hello this has got to be thr most Cutest anon msg ive ever got ... 🥹🥹🩷 Welcome cutie anon to the kmbd community ☘️🙂‍↕️

OKAY !! So like my advise on becoming moots with Blogs is probably just Interact w them alot ... or wjat i did was ask to be moots w People and after then i interacted with tjem alot and all .. But many creators out there r like sup;er nice and sweet So dont be afraud to interact !! ! 🩷

and jmy advise is to make super Cool mbds is just be free with ur Style !!!! !! experiment with Mbd designs like 3x3, etc etc (idk tje names of the other mbd designs Sighh IM SORRY ... ) @sugarish aka vivi has a really unique Mbd style and u should def check it Out \^o^/ heres a mbd by vivi ! ! ! its also Same w other creators they all have lots of unique style ... and color palette is v ery essential for Mbds!!! !! some creators match all their colors according to the main idol icon they use and they edit imgs anbd all heres an example of a 3x3 matching mbd by zia @n-americano click here !! .. Some also be very carefree with their color palette .. heres an example by jom @yonkiibums click here !!! ! but like Yes thats basically all u need to know :3.. Dont be shy to ask if theres smth u didnt understand !! ! ☘️ ill gladly explain it furtherr :3 (Imm very bad At explaining but I will try my best)

AND THANK U SM!! ure just a day late but thats Alrfihtt :3 I would LOVE to be moots W U anonnie .. Ure such a sweetie pie 🥹🩷

[scrmngtts]

Okay ive been thinking about it now for 2 days and I think i really wanna write it what happened about our date.

SO FIRST OFF, I got pissed off early on because he said he was gonna be like 30mins late for our movie. And that really pissed me off.. I just said, okay.. ofcourse im not gonna tell him that Im pissed off. But i think he sensed it bc i just reply smtg like.. “Oh ok then”

Then he said he was joking.. 🙄🙄

But i didnt read his msg that he was just joking so for like 30mins i was so pissed. I was thinking to myself this is gonna be the last time im gonna hang out with him.. cuz man its such a turn off honestly.. like?? Yknow we had plans, you shud be prepared and then hes gonna tell me hes going to be 30mins late??? Also he doesnt have work that day, if he had work i wud have understand but no. He wasnt doing anything prior so why is he gonna be late?? So that was going thru my mind for 30mins and when i saw his msg i was so upset and relieved at the same time that he was just joking..

Fast forward now, we saw eo.. we watched Spiderverse! :) I really enjoyed that a lot. Still so funny tho, even more funnier cuz ive seen some memes that made it funnier. Also, him beside me laughing is so cute! Man.. am i down bad again? So yeah that was the movie part. Nothing really much happened.

Then after movie, we went to the mall to walk around.. he said he was looking for some daily shorts.. so we visited a few shops. We saw his bestfriend.. we just talked for a bit, it was nice seeing her but ngl it felt really weird and by that time i felt smtg.. like a tinge of uneasiness.. idk how to act and idk what to say.. i mean do i invite her to come with us?? But its our date idk how he will feel as well.. but at the same time idk if he knows that hes gonna meet his friend.. that was really weird to me but i didnt pay attention too much of it.. i was just worried that ill act awkward and wudnt be able to convey my own feelings nicely.. but after that we said our goodbyes and we started walking to the restaurant..

Tbh.. at that point i just wanna go home, the mood wasnt really it anymore.. idk what it was but i feel like i accepted it already that this is not gonna work out.. sometimes i really dont like how hes so into himself like?? He likes to dress up and such and he cares for his looks but sometimes for me i think its a bit much.. idk..

We got to the restaurant, we waited for a bit then we ate.. i didnt like the main course.. i ordered chicken alfredo but i do like the soup that comes with it so i got 2 soups cuz he doesnt want his soup. There, while eating we got to talk more.. i feel like this time around is very different from our first date night out when it was for my bday. I had fun talking yo him.. he did ask me about my preferences in a guy.. its funny cuz whenever i say smtg like,, i wud say i dont want a lazy person

He wud react and be like.. damn im a lazy one..

I told him, i want someone who is thoughtful..

And he laughed, im not thoughtful just so yknow.. im really not..

And in my head.. why r u telling me that?? I already know ure not also im not telling u to be thoughtful to me..

And it went on and on.. we keep getting sidetracked with other stuff so we kept repeating the qs and as.

I did tell him that Spiderverse played a huge part in my life, like it really inspired me. I told him the part what got me and i told him i know its cringe..

But he said its not cringey at all.. and that made me happy :))

It went on and on until we got to dessert. He asked me when were about to end if we can walk around first before going home.. tbh i wanted to go home right after but since he asked :> also i lowkey wanna spend time with him so ofc i said yes! At this point im really comfy talking about anything with him, i was honest with my as and such, also the qs he was asking i did ask him as well. It was nice getting to know him.. tho i think i already know the stuff we talked about..

He did say smtg about hes a firm believer that theres always a way. Which i admire him for it… okk thats it for now i guess..

(Im tired will take a break here and continue tmr)

(back now- continuing where i left off)

so when we left the restaurant, i suddenly remember what is one of the main things i like about someone and that is, he cannot be negative in life. i told him that the person i want is not pessimistic. then he said, somewhere along the lines like..

"im not pessimist but im realistic."

and i said, thats fine. thats different tho. you can be realistic without being pessimistic.

then he says, thats what i like about you tho, youre so positive. not all people are like that. then i answered him, cuz i dont want to be negative!

tbh i feel like life is already sad and challenging? but its up to u if u wanna stay that way. like, life isnt always good for me but i dont wanna dwell on it. i always wanna look at the brighter side. he did say that not all days are good days. and its true! i know that and its hard to stay positive but still, life is only what you make it. i iddnt tell him that but.. i got really really happy and fuzzy and warm inside we he said that thats what he like about me being positive. :D because i do want to give positivity to people eventho im not always positive. im just faking it till u i make it basically. but i always tell myself i cant be sad all the time. i cant be like my classmate M who always so negative bc once u think negative thoughts it reflects on ur life. so only happy and positive thoughts.

so yeah that is one of my requirements, i dont want that gloomy energy in my life so i told him that. then we kept walking, harbour front is so pretty at night, im sad i didnt take a photo of the scenery.

one of the core memory of that date was when he said i was dramatic, in a good way. and i was baffled! i was like ??? excuse me? im not dramatic T.T then he goes on and explained that im dramatic in a good way. like: oh my god? you are lifting? oh my god? that is so cool!

and im just there listening to him like??? no im not like that! but he still kept going saying yes you are like that.

i guess im really expressive sometimes.. idk?? but yeah then we just going and going.. cant even remember half of the things we talked about..

only thing we got us going home is looking for a washroom.. cuz we wanted to go pee and we cudnt find one lol.

so yeah i guess ill end it here then ill add more as i remember things.

[minhyunglee]

happy jaemin day ₍ᐢ.ˬ.ᐢ₎♡

[kayvsworld]

hey did anyone try the sale code and have trouble getting it to work??

[wizardclown]

Im petty in the if u forget my bday i hold a grudge kinda way

[destinyc1020]

If there's one thing that occurred to me the other day, it's that I'm not sure she would have posted such a sweet msg like that if she were in a rlshp with someone else, or if she knew that Tom was in a rlshp with someone else. Cuz as an EX gf, that would be a little WEIRD.... 🥴 esp when she was the only one from the cast to do so. 👀

That’s really true... if z or Tom is in a relationship with someone else that would def raise questions from people around them...I mean it is possible that they are only really good friends now but to be the only one out of the cast to do a bday post and adding to the fact that you’re his ex is... to say the least sus lol👀👀

Right.... it just seems a little interesting that's all I'll say.

Tom DID post for Z even when she was spotted in Greece with JE back in Sept 2019, but to me it seemed more like a "polite" response back to the post that she did for him back in June. I also think they didn't want fans to think that they hated each other or were "on the outs" just coz of the July 17th stuff. So Tom posted for Z even though she was on vacation with another man lol, but his caption was def nowhere anything like "pretty glad you were born" rofl lol 🤣

It was a pretty tame post actually. Hers in 2019 was a little more intimate imo coz it was a personal pic, and they were all (Jacob, Tom, Darnell, Z) on the bed in btwn filming FFH lol. With Tom's though, the pic used wasn't a personal one, and they weren't even looking in the same direction in the pic lol. He's looking one way, she's looking the other... No lie, the pic almost looked photoshopped rofl... 😆

Idk, I just feel like if Z were in a rlshp, or knew that Tom were, idt she would have posted for him. Or if she DID, I think she would have gone with a SAFE "group" photo, and her usual SAFE, "weirdo" caption lol. Not a caption like the one she used. That would just be a little WEIRD if Tom were dating someone else, or if even she's in a serious rlshp with someone else, esp knowing that she and Tom have a "history", and his previous gf was even deleting accounts that posted about Z while she and Tom were together 👀..... So imo who would want to risk possible jealousy/misunderstanding from an SO? 🤷🏾‍♀️ Esp knowing how cautious Z is about everything.

[agooduniverse]

I'm turning 20 in a few days and have no idea how to cope with no longer being a teenager.. your writing has provided me a lot of comfort in the past so.. here I am looking for more, maybe? idk! hope you've been ok, making it through these tough times 💓

omg happy birthday!! i feel like ur 20s are like: “i’m about to be taught a lot of lessons and it will feel unendurable and terrible and joyous.” i turned 27 this yr and i’m looking back on my early twenties in a similarly nostalgic way lol. thank you so much for this msg, its genuinely touching to know ppl think about my writing still :> i haven’t written for tumblr in long while, but if i do it’ll go on @daedalians. most of my stuff is archived either on there or my writing tag on this blog. i hope ur bday is as fun as it can be under these circumstances.

[alligaytorswamp]

im pretty sure god is testing my sanity at this point kjasdhjkashdskjdah

like how on earth within a few days i get two shitty ex-friends to text me after a long period of time of cimplete silence?? HOW

and .. ahahah one of them.. fucking boring. 2 month of Nothing after cutting me off to come back and tell me it’s all my fault. so immature and pathetic, i had to force myself to even make a response to that joke of a message because truly.. it was so very stupid ... but still it definitely did cause some insanity in the past few days. any person would feel quite crazy when someone is so blatanly ignoring the facts and just decides to shift the blame on you for .. well.. hurting you lol. 

the other one... A BULLY-BESTIE.. SOMEONE WHO WAS MY ABUSER BUT ALSO AN ONLY “FRIEND” IN MY CLASS.... SOMEONE I WAS SICK AND SCARED OF AND COULD NOT ESCAPE FOR 12+ YEARS... SHE MESSAGED ME.... and for the context... i hate this girl i mean she was your very basic completely rotten and toxic person who had this spineless sad bitch to boss around (me). i did escape when we gradueated but Fear i had for her never really went away. she got married right out of hs and i did my best not to go to the damn wedding. which was a bit embarassing because she would not let me say no and i was coming up with every excuse possible.. and there i thought ‘oh she must hate  me since i didnt go to her wedding right ?? thats so cool i hope she forgets i exist.’ annnd now it’s been like 3+ years? sure she gave me some scares by congratulating me on my bday once and sending a random ass msg some other time.. but i truly believed this whole trauma of mine is gone and i get to just forget and heal. but nah besties. this cursed person texted me yesterday at like 3 am saying smth along the lines of “i love you and i miss you idk what happened and why we stopped talking but i wanna see you and start talking again <3″ yall cant imagine the insanity i felt

its just so funny... because... well i dont :) i hate your guts and god forbid i ever see you i think i will die on the spot that’s how much i hate and fear you hhh

regardless... i’ve learned my lesson... the toxic morons in your life... they may come back. and unfortunately it’s very likely that they have not gotten any better, they didn’t magically mature or reflect on their actions... and the dead give away of that is .. them not apologizing at all uwu

anyways im gonna go be mentally ill <3

[botchienqueen]

omgomgognmgmg so ive mentioned that i really miss and really want to reconnect with my hs friends for at least the past year now, it was sara’s bday yesterday so i thought yess this is the perfect chance to text her n hopefully have a proper catch-up! bcoz its been so long, i was even nervous abt sending her the happy bday msg like idk if im just overthinking it but it literally took me a solid 5mins to write ‘happy birthday!!❤️’ like whaaaa lol even had to think abt whether i should put an emoji or not and when i sent it i knew she wasn’t gonna reply right away coz its night time in hk, i also told myself not to expect much coz the last few times ive sent her birthday msgs in the past couple years she just replied with thankyou n perhaps liked the comment n that’s it so rlly told myself to just expect 1 msg from her but today when i got onto ig it said 4 msgss??! i don’t have my ig notifs on so i don’t get to see what she said until i click into it but i see that it says 4msgsss so its def not just a thankyou and honestly i have no idea what she sent but im just excited!! like she actually replied n wanted to continue the conversation yayy but then I’m starting to overthink again, i mean if she’s like ‘how are you wassup’ then that’s fine but what if she’s like ‘ew why are you texting me we haven’t talked in so long’ (which i doubt she will) but like what if yakno? ughhh i can’t help but overthink it, i still haven’t read her msgs coz im just so anxious and when that happens i just don’t want to read it for as long as i can coz once i do i’ll have to face it n respond to it, idk why im like this its so frustrating this is exactly what i wanted, i wanted to strike a conversation with her and hopefully be able to reconnect and catchup w each other but now that everything’s going in that direction im getting all nervous n i just wanna crouch back into my shell??

[woozisnoots]

♧ 👉🏼👈🏼🥺 (if i’m too late, you don’t have to!! ily)

if it’s for emma, i would do anything 🥺🤲💞

You’re my: one of my closest friends on this platform and indeed, still believe we are soulmates <3

How I met you: hmm i know i asked you if we could be moots and gasp :0 you said yes. and i really wasn’t expecting you to msg me bc i was super shy, but you were so nice and we ended up talking about svt all day and brainstormed au ideas together!

Why I follow you: bc i fell in love with ALL YOUR WORK 🥺 i reread your stuff when i’m sad bc your fluff is so well written and it just instantly makes me feel better ☺️ (i also appreciate the mass amount of svt content, it helps keep me up-to-date!!)

Your blog is: my favorite color :3 it’s always consistently purple even tho you change ur layout ever so often— each one is SO pretty 💜

Your URL is: haosvteen now, yes ppl evolve 😌 get over it~

Your icon is: wait... i don’t actually think i’ve seen that picture of hao before :o

A random fact I know about you: i know so many idk why we they are all leaving me now o.o hmm you’re majoring in education (specializing in children ed w/ special needs i think? i’m sorry if that incorrect or the wrong term!) and i know you’re bday is in march !!

General opinion: i’m making it vocal now and say that meeting emma has really changed my life for the better. being so unsure of myself just a few months put me in such dark place in my life. if it weren’t for her reaching out to me and being my friend, i probably wouldn’t be here right now — i truly owe her a great deal. so thank you for always being there for me, being my friend, and i love you so much ♥️

A random thought I have: mr. samsam consumes my thoughts atm 🤩

mutuals send me a ♧!

[lisxdumbr]

I just saw your reply to my last msg hold on this is my reply to that(AND its ok if u answer late, that's fine💖 i will still love u):

Forgetting to exist just feels like time is passing by and you're more or less out of touch with your body as if it's the realest lucid (dream) reality and your heart keeps getting emptier than ever even if it is empty anymore.. it's like. you are very tired of everything (even what u love. Literally everything), becoming more drained even by doing the bare minimum, and you can't burn yourself to do more (analogy that could help is how a dwarf star burns all its might until it's nothing and gets colder in the end. Then maybeee explode) To Summarize: silly sadness is not silly anymore and emptiness is emptier than ever! 🎉

(very sad. yes. but i am sillier than usual so. Let's focus on the silliness instead while acknowledging this sad thing.)

Oh no... it is a sad day for the free pulls... But perhaps the luck went to mika... You know.. I BELIEVE IN U (and your dias) LIS!! Yuta mirage you better come home to lis as well or else.

GOODLUCK ON MIKA CARD!! Go get the silly and prettiest idol ever 🧸💚 2day is his bday may he be kind to u <33 ngl his singing voice still stuns me so dang much like WOahh... I must see them personally and would kill (slash j... Ohh are we slashing people?? Why not? Again, this is a joke,, your sunflower is just feelin goofy.. ) to get a ticket if only enstars exists irl... I know u would do the same.

Okie that's all for now!! Keep being the silly cospro producer lis <3 All the love!! 🎀😉💌 I'm happy u chilled for the holidays that's so cool, i hope u enjoyed the stuff u brought for yourself <3

— 🌻.

I promised I'd reply to this soon, I am sorry it was,, sooner than the others at least? but yeah it still took me a couple of days ★

Ohh I get the feeling but ough :(( I'm so sorry you're going over that. Yes I know how depression feels, very much,, I've been severely depressed since I was a child and recently I got diagnosed with a cortisol addiction ! It's all over my blood plaguing it so,, yeah, the feeling won't go away in a whiiiile.

Emptiness is something very hard to overcome I'm, wahhh I want to give you a hug and put you in my pocket. Maybe it's my protective 6th sense idk, I'm not called ate/nee-san by my friends over nothing. If you ever need to talk, my asks and my dms are open ! it'll be a silly secret

I'M VERY GRATEFUL FOR YOUR WISHES TYSM. I hope that Yuta comes home soon, YESSS THE BIRTHDAY MANIFESTATION WORKED I got my Mika !!!! I will ramble forward in your next ask that I need to reply to too /sweats. Who wouldn't kill slash half jay slash srs to be in a Valkyrie concert, of course I know the feeling. My Mimika was my first favorite character alongside Yuta when I started getting into enstars. I was OBSESSED, to the point I made tons of Mika fanart ! I'm thinking I should redraw some.

YOU KEEP BEING AMAZING TOO !! Hang on there ! I know mental health is always something we struggle with but I don't know what I'd do without your silly messages in my askbox every now and then. I will proceed with your other ask, this time separated (I keep experimenting with the way I reply to you idk)

[bvdhcbits-blog]

◜ ⁘ skeet ulrich, cismale, 46. → have you met keith dixon? he is an undercover agent that has lived in philadelphia for eleven years. i heard they’re also a scorpio with a knack for being audacious & intuitive, but can also be quite reticent & disingenuous. he always makes me think of a half smoked cigarette cherry glowing brightly as an ember against the dark night, and you can always catch lydia by highly suspect blaring from their window. • as written by caitlin / ast / 25 / she/her.

“FUCK WITH THE MASTER, YOU FUCK WITH DISASTER !” and lemme tell y o U ... this man is the most disastrous of them all.  introducing keith dixon, formerly known as keith kessler ; divorcee, estranged father, crooked cop, money launderer, drug trafficker, hot mess.

former outstanding police officer, promoted to undercover agent / investigator of sorts, he’s originally from new york but was given the opportunity to work in an undercover operation eleven years ago in philly and i mean guess what !!! he took it.  the gist of it is that he’s working undercover with like this highly dangerous / well known drug cartel / gang and he’d been feeding intel back to his fellow law enforcers.

however ... my boy, keith, the all american man turned faux hardass drug dealer is now legit turning.  he’s developed real connections with these criminals and he loves them like his own family, and tbh the Life of Crime is a lot more thrilling??? in his opinion,  so now he’s a corrupt cop, secretly helping THEM by feeding them tips and shit to keep them one step ahead of the police.  like this is his true calling boys so buckle the fuCK up bc he’s in for a mess.

so uhhhhh yeah he was married to his wife for twenty years and they had a kid together (or two idk yet im undecided fam).  it wasn’t until five years into the undercover operation that shit hit the fan.  he was waY too invested in his work and hardly made time to come home so his marriage fell apart and eventually, his relationship with his kid(s) was nonexistent bc 1) it was too dangerous for them to go visit him eveR and 2) his wife didnt want him around the kid(s) anyway bc HE was too dangerous for them tbh and prob a bad influence oops.  he misses his kid(s) a lot but he doesn’t want them getting mixed up in his new crazy life, so he’ll still hit them up once in a blue moon to catch up on everything and sends them whatever gift they want for their bday, xmas, etc. 

hobbies include: money laundering through a gang-owned & operated business (probably an actual laundromat aslkjsa), acting as a bodyguard / gunman during heavy drug deals, frequenting strip clubs to the point where he’s on a first name basis with most of the girls, forgetting he’s an actual poLICE officer, taking a sobriety vow one day but then taking shots the following night with his crew of outlaws, re-watching scarface and all the godfather movies to take notes on how to be a successful thug, and being the absolute best award winning dog dad to his german shepherd, boone.

wanted connections: some buds to have a beer / whiskey with at a bar or pub or whatever and maybe they frequent a strip club together?? u know classic men being bros,  he’s not the type to sleep around a loT a lot but maybe.... a couple ex flings and potentially an ex girl,  his ex WIFE (yo idk i might make this a full fledge wc by submitting it to the main but..... if anyone would wanna snatch her up feel free to msg me bc that could be interesting / dramatic),  ppl who don’t like him??? and ppl who aren’t aware he’s corrupt / ppl who aren’t aware he’s an undercover cop idK i’m too sleepy to think of more potential connections rip

[jojonokimyounaboukeneyesofheaven]

havent posted here in a bit, its been very up n down, some days ive been doing better n like gave had little to no anxiety and actually went oht n Done shit vut like for every day that happens i relapse into like

horrible thoughts and anxiety and depression where i jist have to sit in bed n try not cry sometimes so idk

nothing like major though in terms of like suicidal thoughts anymore which is really what i went here to vent out usually hence less posds which is a plus ig

i have like if i let my mind get clear any now tho where i dont have Something to occupy myself i am like immediately just like Dam. what is there to look foward to.. what is there to want to achieve or do anymore what is there to wake up for u shoukd kys u have like nothing but 60 or less years of suffering awaitinf ahead of u, ur in ur mid 20s so its like impossible to find someone rn and u do doordash and like even if u did find someone you have so much weird shit and stipulations now that like how would u even get ur foot in the door abt that shit anyways idk idk it sucks not having anything to live for anymore i legit just cannot find anything to keep going other than like watching shit on yt?

i cried yesterday cause i miss my cat and my dogs a lot, i want that sort of unconditional love and shit they give and that i can hug and oet on them and they actually wnjoy it i wish i could have a pet here if i had that id be so much more happier but rn i am just so touch and love deprived i have nothing and it just sucks atleast blake atill talks to me but like idk i appreciate it but i like idk ahahahaha idk

atleast i got joab now tho and that gives me somethi g to do so im not just rotting away in bed anymore. i have been very conflicted if i want to wish u a happy bday when it comes in a month cause like i want to be nice n msg u n mayb get to talk to u but i also like think i should just drop it and not do that and i like think both are right and i legit just cannot decide idk. maybe i will maybe i wont i probably will tho despite better judgement just vause i want to like see u so even if jt just ends in you being mean or me like crying or whatever atleast then ill Know like ahahaha to just give up then which id like

oh yea last bit pokemon go is very fun and i love living in a walkable place for it now i Get it now