#idk if this qualifies i just wanna yk make sure

[divine0]

COME CLOSER

aka weirdguy yaoi for @starry-cow ‘s soon to exist fic

[httpiastri]

oooo why is isack not very liked? i’m new here so i wanna know 👀👀

this got a little too long 😶 so yeah uh more under the cut

ooooo bestie.... well, first off, he's a major whiner and i hate whiny drivers (feels like ive written that sentence like 20 times the last 48 hours lmao). he loves to complain on the radio to his team when things don't go his way (as if its their fault and not his own 😶)... i get that you're frustrated but you don't have to press the radio button when you're screaming, yk?

like, listen to his radio from after the race in monaco. sure, getting a win would've gotten you the lead in the championship, but can't you just understand that it was a lucky call from zak (the winner that day) that works like once in 15 races? it wasn't your fault, it wasn't the team's fault, it was just a coincidence? and the fact that he didn't just whine, he was SCREAMING. like, screaming his lungs out. really embarrassing.

and then, listen to his radio after the qualifying in barcelona. buddy was screaming like a toddler yet again. very awkward.

then, in the feature race in austria, he started by whining on the radio about his battle with paul (he ended up not being able to pass paul, which pissed him off TONS). but then came the worst part... he was behind pepe (our fave little boy on this blog <33) towards the end and whined to the team about how "he's defending against me much harder than he did to other drivers!!" and on and on. and when he finally got to pass pepe, he first of kept on complaining about pepe, and then said "give me 2-3 laps to get the lead". did he take the lead? no, and then he refused to give pepe the position back many laps later. idk i kinda don't wanna get into it more than that, but my dear friend @lilioopdf has a post about it hereeeeee (that i haven't read yet lol but i trust her) with the radio messages hereeeee !!!!

he also takes 0 responsibility for his actions, which annoys me a lot. in melbourne, he crashed out pepe (again, his teammate...) and did not understand why he got a penalty for it and lost his win. and idk, he just keeps on disrespecting and dishonoring his team who works so hard for him.... like him writing "limited power from the race start to the end. it is getting really frustrating, mechanics does not make it easy for us this season." on his instagram 😶 shush

[stewpid-soup]

VENT CW!! (I think it’s just gonna be chronic pain talks at 2 am again- woops-)

I AM SO UPSET- MY INSURANCE DENIED PAYING FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO GO TO THIS PHYSICAL THERAPY INPATIENT WHICH, WHO KNOWS? MAYBE I’LL FEEL BETTER-! BUT ITS JUST SO FRUSTRATING BC NOTHING ELSE HAS BEEN WORKING AND MY PRIMARY DOCTOR SAID SHE HAD A PATIENT WITH SIMILAR ISSUES WHO DID AN INPATIENT AND IT HELPED A LOT. LIKE BRUH, THIS COULD BE THE FIRST STEP TO GETTING BETTER BUT NOOOO, INSURANCE IS A BITCH

and ik, there are benefits to insurance and everything and blah blah blah- but i just wanna complain lolll

but my mom is trying to appeal to the insurance or sumn and get it so they pay. which means we need my pain doctors to say “hey we think this could help” and also i have to like- qualify for it or something? so tmrow my appointment is for a kind’ve check in to see if the PT inpatient might work :/

anyways, none of my previous pills have worked so i’m gonna start doing (MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED) CBD. I did it for the first time today and yk, the first doses we do will be with as little head change as possible- ngl all it did for me was maybe calm me down a bit and just made my body feel tingly on top of the pain?? idk how to describe it- I didn’t expect it to work immediately, obviously, but like always i just really wanted there to be at least some little minuscule difference. honestly it doesn’t matter what kind of difference, because then at least we know what does and doesn’t work

im just tired man. and sure it could be because im fucking up my sleep schedule but i don’t sleep good even when i had been sleeping at 10 pm and waling up at 9 am every morning (after waking up at 7 to take meds). but still, i feel tired when i’m doing nothing! and i feel so useless because of that.

Like, mothers day is coming up sunday. and i live my parents, i have good relationships with both of them individually and together, so ofc i make a card every year for them. I love doing it, because their reactions are worth it. But with my pain, it makes it a million times harder to do things like that because not only will i be lacking motivation and energy but also my arms are gonna just be in a shit ton more pain after doing that (and i’ve done this several times before, so this isn’t just based off of the fact that im in even more pain whenever i move- my body has definitely proven this)

shanamxmcn honestly idk what makes sense anymore rn. im exhausted and i have to wake up at 8 tmrow for the doctors appointment and im not excited to deal with the gd parking at children’s hospital -_-

wish me luckkk lol

love u guys and take care <3

[georgegraphys]

Hi Ari!

I think a like a month ago we’ve talked about how it seems like Elkann made the decision to hire Lewis without consulting with anyone. To me this title sponsor news seems to collaborate that idea. Ive found this article since, and to me that shows Fred was definiatelly not told beforehand about signing Lewis.

https://scuderiafans.com/according-to-fred-vasseur-ferrari-finally-has-a-leader-a-subtle-dig-at-carlos-sainz-after-abu-dhabi-qualifying/#google_vignette

Can you tell me please what did you mean by Elkann paying for everything? I cant really find anything online (probably because Im useless in these kind of searches).

Could signing Lewis put them on such a financially difficult spot that they need a title sponsor? I agree that it goes against their views about how they are a legacy team. I remember when the visa cashup rb was announced all the tifosi were writing about how great it was that their team “the real legacy f1 team” didnt need a title sponsor.

I mean ferrari itself doesnt seem to be in a bad financial state. The stock is high, they had record numbers in q4 and the whole 2023. So I dont really understand why now?

Here you go. Ferrari actually 'pays' for it but of course we don't know the details. But what we know is that his Mission 44 was to be invested by Elkann's Exor NV (so far I have never seen a mention of it being signed in a contract yet)

But anyways here is the thing. Mercedes is rich. And so is Ferrari. They have great sales but that doesn't mean they are WILLING to pay that much for an F1 driver or invest that much in Formula One. It is not always about them financially struggling. But more of a loss? Like if they paid for everything, that'd be a loss no matter how rich they are and every pennies count even in big multinational corporations.

I don't think signing Lewis put Ferrari in a struggle. Neither did Mercedes just because they don't wanna pay more. It's that, Formula One, is not their main business. It's their venture and subsidiary. The Formula One venture has its own budget given each year from Ferrari. So that separates Ferrari (car brand)'s wealth to Scuderia Ferrari F1 Team's wealth. I don't know why they acquired a sponsor. Could be because it exceeded the F1 team budget or they view it as *cough* too much *cough* but there are lots of factors really.

But if we're thinking about is it worth it to acquire a title sponsor? Brand wise? No. LH wage wise? Yes. $100M? I almost barf and laugh at the deal. Because it's a bit ridiculous if you see it from a business standpoint. LH is the man of the sport, a GOAT. But I am not speaking here from a sports fan standpoint, i'm here speaking from a business standpoint that no matter how much you own, every pennies count. I feel like $100M is crazy much especially seeing Charles is also an expensive driver. I am sure they have their own research team to see if everything will be worth the price or not (unless Elkann is a crazy money thrower that did not plan this beforehand) but yeah... in my opinion, i'd understand if Ferrari decides to hire a title sponsor. $100M is simply too ridiculously expensive for Ferrari to pay it alone.

But it may be worth it for Ferrari idk how they calculate it. I share similar views with Kallenius ig 🤣🤣 (And this is not just about LH but to any other F1 drivers, some are overpriced in my opinion). But honestly? Their decision on hiring a title partner and also 'staining' their legacy is a part of the $100M consequence. Idealistically, it isn't wise. Seeing from how it just ruins the 'legacy team, don't need anyone' persona but it's the consequences of their own decision. And to make that decision, i'm sure they've calculated everything.

A wrong or right business decision is heavily subjective. I'm more of a money pincher person. But Ferrari are big headed traditionalist yk. They love everything big and grandeur even if it's not it sometimes. That's why their brand is different from Mercedes. Both targets rich people but the niche is different. Lastly, it is not because Ferrari is poor or can't pay. But Ferrari wealth does not equal or belong to Scuderia Ferrari F1 and can be used by them freely as they wanted to. Scuderia Ferrari F1 is just another subsidiary or side venture.

[bpd-black]

hey guys, so this is gonna be a long ass post, but here’s the tldr version: i love you and i hope you continue to learn about yourselves, and advocate for your mental wellbeing cause y'all are literally so beautiful and important and an integral part of our universe, the world literally wouldn’t be the same without you ✊🏾💕

SO, i just wanted to let y'all know that if you’ve ever messaged me (and this is for my black followers, btw, the rest of y'all … i don’t know why tf you’re here, but none of this is for you so ✌🏾bye, you can leave lol) please please know that i almost always read whatever’s in my inbox right away, and that i do care about your questions and what you have to say, even when i don’t answer right away or at all. you guys reaching out to me is NEVER bothersome. NEVER dumb. NEVER ridiculous. and tbh, it’s always flattering to think anyone would come to me w/ mental health concerns, considering that this blog literally started as a place for me to just vent out into the void & that i used to block anyone that followed me, lol.

(i jus didn’t want people to follow my blog ??? idk, i just felt like i had no other outlet to scream, and i was in a really bad place back then, idek, it made sense at the time. anyway, NOW this blog is a place for me to store information, affirmations and links to resources that i find informative or helpful. and i actually really love getting feedback (cough and validation cough) from you guys 💖 so pls, just know that you mean a lot to me.)

THE THING IS, though: i’m still not a professional. and when it comes to something as serious as mental health (especially in the black community) i just feel like i still have too much learning to do and too much healing to do before i’m qualified to offer any real advice. rn, all i have to say to most of y'all is ‘damn, thas unfortunate, me too’ and i really don’t want to give anyone a half assed answer like that, lol. it might take me a while to research what you wanna know, so yeah. bls be patient with me.

also i kinda wanted to introduce myself, since i don’t think i’ve ever posted an intro on this blog lol:

in summary, i’m a twenty one year old black girl, gay as hell, still living at home, still unemployed, still on leave from college, and still struggling just to shower and get out of bed every day :)) which sucks and i hate my life rn and i battle with like, intense self hatred cause a lot of my family is very disappointed in me and, quite frankly, i’m very disappointed with myself.

moving on, lol, more about my mental state: i’ve only ever been professionally diagnosed with depression and gad, though i personally believe i experience too many bpd symptoms to rule out the possibility that i am, in fact, borderline, and so i consider myself as such.

(( a small rant about that real quick: imo, and tbh, labels are just terms that researchers make up to help organize studies, keep track of patterns, and come up with plans and solutions to help large groups of people. so, basically, i am a strong advocate of NOT beating yourself up too much when it comes to finding the ‘right’ label for you and NOT attacking someone else that you don’t think ‘fits’ the description for a disorder or illness according to your research. like, yeah, fake ass neurotypicals are annoying as hell and they can all choke but ! the only person who really knows what’s going on in someone’s brain is that person themselves. and NO ONE owes you a dissertation on their mental struggles just to ‘prove’ they’re in pain. so, imo !!! it’s just a lot more important to recognize and identify what SYMPTOMS you struggle with, and the severity of said symptoms, and worry about umbrella terms later !! cause that insight will make it easier to look for help and advice and !! mental illness and personality disorders are all on a spectrum. so yeah. go easy on yourselves 💕 anyway, i struggled a lot with that concept, and for far too long, SO just wanted to get that out of the way before i continue (hope that made any sense) but i digress!!! ))

i also struggle with both intrusive and suicidal thoughts, a few minor self destructive habits, and i’m currently taking medication for my depression and anxiety. and tbh, though i still have some pretty terrible days, i will say the meds have helped a LOT. and i’m so glad, cause i’m the first in my family to openly take medication for a mental illness (stigma stigma god fucking stigma) and i was so so scared the meds would just make it worse, but they didn’t, so yeah :)

also, and this is a bit personal (but i’m willing to be a bit vulnerable with you guys, if it’ll help anyone at all) but, i planned on killing myself last year. it didn’t happen (evidently lol) but i ended up staying at the hospital for a week and then participating in a two week partial program after that. i’m currently looking for a new partial program or support group that i can join, and i’m trying to get a job and get back to school.

also, i have been seeing a therapist since my senior year of high school (which !!is a bit of a wild tale tbh, but long story short, my parents literally refused to believe mental illness was a real thing for the longest time. and it wasn’t until i told them i literally wouldn’t graduate high school if i didn’t get some help that they believed me.) my first two therapists were awful racist white women (still fuckin hate them btw) but my third therapist was a really cool white woman who actually introduced me to my current therapist who is this really amazing black woman and so far, i feel like she’s been the best fit for me. but i’ve very recently had to put my therapy sessions on pause cause i’m poor as hell and couldn’t pay for them anymore, so yeah. and, tbh, that’s really been stressing me the fuck out as of late, but what i’m trying to do is make the most of whatever other resources are available to me (helplines, textlines, self care strategies, forums, blogs, google, etc.) and i still have a social worker so idk, i should be okay 👌🏾

anyway, that was a lot of oversharing but, now you all know where i am atm ;) and i only share this with you guys cause a lot of asks i receive are about feeling like shit for not knowing what pd you have, or about being too poor to afford good health care, or not knowing how to convince your conservative ass black parents that you’re dying and need help and like !!! all of those topics are so so important to me on a very personal level !!! and i wanna help y'all so bad. but tbqh, i’m still trying to figure this shit out myself 😕 so, what i’m hoping is, just by letting you know more about my experience and being as honest as i can about it, at least one of you readin this might feel a little less lonely dealing with your pain. idk.

anyway, second to last thing: fr tho, i hope y'all know that it is both a rare, and amazing trait to be as insightful as so many of you are. even just trying to figure out ‘god, what is wrong with me’ and taking the time to do the research, is self care. it’s defiance. it’s acknowledging that a better life is possible, and it’s straight up refusing to settle for the pain you’re in now, for a life less fulfilling than what you know you deserve. i feel like the generations before us didn’t do that enough (with good reason, tbh, even today it’s still hard to know who we can trust) but it’s high time black people start healing our minds and our hearts. so power to you ✊🏾

and yeah. that’s all i wanted to say this morning. i’ve been wanting to say all that for a while, but wasn’t sure where the hell to start. i just hope that was all coherent and made sense, lol. don’t ever hesitate to message me guys. i may be an emotional wreck that takes too long to reply, but i do love you. lol.

and please please please continue to research things on your own as well, like. keep up with the latest studies, the TED talks, the blavity articles, the mental health blogs etc. etc. learn as much as you can about how to take the best care of you, even if my executively dysfunctional ass can’t help right away lol.

also !! (last thing, i promise) a quick update about this blog: i edited it a bit, namely my tagging system, to make it a bit more useful. i won’t go through all my tags here (maybe i’ll add an about page and a tag page later) but, for example, there’s my new affirmations tag (full of helpful reminders that i like to think about everyday) my positivity tag (just, yk, positive shit that makes think positive thoughts) and my black tag (whatever content i feel like pertains to just my fellow black + mentally ill peeps, cause lbr a lot of our struggles only happen at the intersection of both identities) 💕

i also have a music tag for music recommendations!! cause i like to believe music is very healing all on its own ;)

AAAAND that’s it lol 😘 stay safe out there guys !! this world is wild but, tbh, we know better than anyone what it means to make the very most out of our lives no matter what. happy black history month 🖤

[lcksndkys]

check-in tag

ty for the tag @yeojaa you beatiful goddess of a being

why did you choose your url? i chose locks and keys aka lcksndkys a long long time ago when it was still cool to just take the vowels out of a username, but now it just looks like a keyboard smash

any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them none, nada this is it

how long have you’ve been on tumblr? since like 2009?? idk i’m ancient tho

do you have a queue tag? nope 

why did you start your blog in the first place? i honestly cannot remember, but it was probably out of boredom (and also to watch porn)

why did you choose your icon? tbh, no clue, but i’m gonna be changing it soon!!

why did you choose your header? i don’t have a header... i still haven’t figured out how to make this dumpster look more appealing

what’s your post with the most notes? i think it’s my JJK fic, The Whole of Your Heart- my first fic ever and i cannot believe people actually read it 

how many mutuals do you have? is there a way to count?? if i guestimated, maybe like 30ish? 

how many followers do you have? i’m not sure, maybe like a couple hundred??

how many people do you follow? like... 400ish? i’m clearly guessing at these numbers heh

have you ever made a shitpost? i can’t remember, but i’m sure i have

how often do you use tumblr each day? ugh i def use it every day, mostly in the morning and at night since i have limited access to my phone while at work

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won? nah, i’m not one for confrontation, unless you mess with my fam/friends

how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? i ignore them unless one promises me JJK’s hand in marriage, then it’s worth a try

do you like tag games? i LOVE tag games!! it’s heartwarming to think someone, somewhere in the world thought of you yk?

do you like ask games? i LOVE ask games, and would love to have more interaction with people. even just to say hi, ask any random question, etc i wanna hear from you!!

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? what qualifies someone to be tumblr famous anyways?

do i have a crush on a mutual? do i think ALL my moots are bad ass, talented, beautiful, thoughtful people? absolutely!! would i kiss every single one of them on the forehead?? (with consent) of course!!!

ps. clean vers stolen from @yeojaa who stole from @jinpanman ily both!!!

why did you choose your url?

any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them

how long have you’ve been on tumblr?

do you have a queue tag?

why did you start your blog in the first place?

why did you choose your icon?

why did you choose your header?

what’s your post with the most notes?

how many mutuals do you have?

how many followers do you have?

how many people do you follow?

have you ever made a shitpost?

how often do you use tumblr each day?

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

do you like tag games?

do you like ask games?

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

do i have a crush on a mutual?

tagging: @sahmfanficbts @wwilloww @cutechim @jinpanman  @xjoonchildx @bonvoyagenoona  @junghelioseok @underthejoon @ladyartemesia @xpeachesncream @btsreader12 @mistakensilence @triviafics @hueseok @hobidreams @joheunsaram @hobiandsprite @jeonsweetpea and anyone else if you wanna!!