#idk if this is true

[ask-the-nine-links]

Hey Wild- have you tried using your magnet on Four? He’s magnetic!

Wild: Wait, he is?

Wild: Holy shit he is what in the name of Hylia-

Hyrule: Are you okay, Wild? Your face is turning red.

Wild: Hyrule, my friend, my brother! How would you like to do an experiment with me featuring our resident Smithy?

Hyrule: Sound like a sure way to get him really angry at us. I'm in!

[dr-james-wilson-oncologist]

wilsoooon my knee is locked up what do i do

Well, I’d stop trying to move it first. Give it a second.

[nocasdatsgay]

I need someone to explain to me how fae are old by the time they’re 1000~ cause

Sarah.

If that’s the math, you literally made all the fae in Acotar like the human equivalent of 50.

Feyre is gonna die at 500 cause Rhys old ass is already middle aged 😭😭😭

[dollyknight]

something I’ve never seen anyone talk about is how the pizzaplex is 80s themed right? Well from what we know the original incidents took place in the 80s( ex: the bite of 83,the bite of 87 and the MCI) coincidence? I don’t really think so

[dick-nightwing-grayson]

Hey, so I could get in so much trouble for this, because the guy who told me this BROKE AN NDA on accident, but I was at a conference today on comic writing, and one of our speakers is a major Damian Wayne writer, and he informed us that HE WAS CALLED IN TO CONSULT ON THE NEW SUPERMAN MOVIE BECAUSE DAMIAN IS ABOUT TO BE CAST FOR THAT MOVIE

I swear to fucking god that this is true, the only reason I'm not posting it myself if because I have no followers and no one would see. The staff at the conference actually had to go around and confiscated our phones to delete the video footage of his talk to try and stop this from leaking.

Please spread the word! I know this sound like spam or a lie, but its real!!!!

Obviously this isn't Rpatz because his batman simply doesn't fuck

I am.taking this with a grain of salt, but here it is everyone. Enjoy

[yunfox00]

"Why can't I wear a binder for more than 8 hours?"

....

Gonna crack a rib....

[diamond-rings-and-gutter-bones]

i dont think casifer is bad acting or misha just trying to be nick lucifer. i always thought it was a good example of something that angels/demons must have to deal with when theyre moving to a new vessel from one that theyve possessed for a long time. lucifer is used to being in nicks body and having nicks expressions, facial muscles, etc. so when hes possessing cas (at this point obv he isnt possessing jimmy bc jimmy is long dead) he is still automatically trying to make cas's body behave like nicks. which is why it often looks weird/strained, like his weird smile, bc thats how he smiles in nicks body

[risingsouls]

@kiealer replied: nina vc: OH REALLY, BETTER THAN ANYONE??

" Did I stutter, girl? You live on this planet, don't you? I'll spell it out for you: yes, that does mean you. Tch, you act like your moves are so complicated and remarkable. Please. I could do what you do in my sleep. "

[salcreus]

@monado-oshawott

DID YOU GUYS KNOW OTTERS WAG THEIR TAILS LIKE DOGS WHEN THEY’RE HAPPY

[bamsara]

The Time Travel Trope aka each side of the ship travel back in time somehow to the counterpart's past self but in TROD AU

I wrote a mini-draft for this idea that might turn into an actual one-shot but just these for now. Second half is more shitpost than serious cause I really think Narinder would have to navigate a distrustful Lamb very carefully, and Lamb would mess with Bishop Narinder

[great-and-small]

Bird identification is so fucked up in a really fun way you can’t understand until you get into it. For example, there is a type of goose called the cackling goose that looks exactly like a Canada goose except smaller and “cuter”. The cackling goose is way, way, more rare in most places than its relatively common cousin, so it’s on tons of birders life lists. Everyone wants to see a cackling (look in any bird ID group to see lots of hopeful people posting petite Canada geese). The two species regularly commingle, so sometimes a flock of those common parking lot birds will have the equivalent of a Pokémon shiny just hanging out in the middle of them.

How ridiculous and fun is that? I can never look at a big group of Canada geese without scrutinizing their ranks for an adorable little extremely rare cutie pie cackling goose. It reminds me a bit of mushroom harvesting minus the risk of death if you get it wrong

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[drgnflyteabox]

Fem!reader x 141

Honestly might be able to to something with the gross stuff I saw at the hardware store I used to work at (except make it hot and 141)

Imagine you're a cashier, the only one with early morning availability so you're there at 5:45am for the 6am start. It's always the worst kinds of contractors there: rude, tired, dirty, leering gazes and sexist comments

You're pretty sick of it, but you get paid a bit more than minimum wage and you're done by 11am so, you take it with a cheery smile and fast service

The 141 contracting company starts spending at your store. So much, in fact, that your manager personally takes you aside to mention just how much they do - nearly a million a year - and how no matter what, your job is to be nice and please them

Well, you can do that. You've dealt with crazy, awful old contractors screaming in your face about lumber prices at 6:30am more than once, heard them talking about your tit's or your ass right in front of you - you can handle it

Until the masked one comes in first and hes huge, dark hoodie and cargo pants hanging low on his hips. He hands you 3k in bills only there are bloodstains on them and he watches you closely the whole time you count them out

It's... not a first, but the look he gives you makes you shiver. Pale eyelashes, tall, intimidating

The second is nicer. Too nice, in fact. He charms you before you're even fully awake, and your shift goes by quickly thinking about that winning smile and the way he'd touched your fingers while he handed you a stack of bills... not to mention those soft brown eyes

The third is... intense, for 8am. He rolls on the balls of his feet, stares at you harder than the masked one. He offers to buy you a hot chocolate at the coffee shop next door and grins like you made a joke when you decline

Their boss is fucking dreamy. Even you have to admit it, trying not to look up at his mustached, frankly porno-esque face. He's huge, as tall as the others but thick, with a little pudge around his belly. He trudges in with thick workboots and a stained t shirt, pays for 24k worth of material with a lazy smile on his face like it's nothing

You might ask head cash to move you to the garden center after all...

[angstitty]

“Immorality”

Entering a church to arrest people

Opposing slavery

… yeah go figures

Wait, if I was baptized and confirmed before I left the Catholic Church, does the Vatican still think I'm Catholic? I only consented to let my mom keep that fantasy, the pope needs to knock that shit off. Can I email someone or do I need to go to Rome?

The Vatican still considers you Catholic, yes, you'd need to get excommunicated. Desecrating a church is prolly the easiest way to do it

[egophiliac]

can't believe that skeleman has turned on us, and Halloween Prom is tomorrow.

(what a top-tier UM...we are about to be just totally obliterated in the absolute silliest way. what possible use could this power have outside of bringing us to the brink of utter holiday disaster.)

[paintedcrows]

Introducing RoyalAuthor! ...I cannot stop thinking about these old man scientists...