#idk if its just bc im getting old or bc i spend too much time Not Doing my Actual Job

[phagodyke]

ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.

[ipoddymouth]

i think the thing that annoys me so much about matty discourse is that its starting to feel like people are pinning the entire concept of race relations on him. as if matty healy watching gross fetish porn is the only thing keeping my black ass from being seen as equal. 

like sooooooo much fucking coverage on one (1) man and i kinda get it bc what the fuck else are entertainment companies going to talk about but its also like......he is not even in the top three-digit number list of reasons why black people are down bad in this country. like yes thank you for riding against porn or whatever BUT lets also not forget to redirect our attention and find ways to help all oppressed individuals!!! like its starting to feel like people are only doing this shit so they can a) seem like The Perfect Activist online while doing jack shit irl and b) protect their fave from any criticism by pushing and hoping and praying for a breakup so that they can have a Perfect Activist celeb to stan again and not have to worry about their own controversial, problematic, and potentially offensive beliefs.

tearing someone down isn’t the same as lifting someone up lgrejgaeg like taylor and matty break up but bc y’all hold up a ‘matty’s racist pls dump him :(’ sign at her show and then life goes back to the way it was -- and then people will find a new famous person to blame all of society’s failings on despite not actually making the world a better place 

[nomairuins]

i do need 2 work on rewiring my brain so that my immediate very first thought whenever i dont do a small task (like brushing ny teeth taking a shower picking up my room etc) isnt 'We Should Kill Connor ." this would be pretty good for me to do. putting this on the list

[marsbotz]

slamming my fists against the floor like an animal thinkinh abt dadfario

[pachimation]

redrawing my very first chiscara comic/art i ever did for chscr day!!

old comic under the cut!!

lol a bunch of sappy semi serious stuff below bc i cant help but be a bit genuine about this ship today :’3

i cant possibly put into words how important this silly little ship and its community mean to me haha,,,, this comic was made in 2021 but i didnt really get serious about chscr until late 2022 after a bunch of pretty bad interpersonal stuff happened and i needed an outlet,, COINCIDENTALLY a certain someone was announced to be playable around then and i was already thought chscr was Pretty Neat™️ so i ended up diving headfirst into the ship. it also gave me a good excuse to work on more comics too!! i’d done a pretty big zhongven comic earlier that year in the summer, but in terms of lore there was only so much i could have worked with at the moment.

childe and scaramouche have that perfect combination of silliness and angst and violence that could be explored or expanded in so many ways and i love love love seeing other people’s interpretations of their dynamic and relationship. they’re so complex,,,,they’re narrative foils,,,they’re narrative parallels,,,they’re trans allegories,,,they’re flies in the spiderweb of the games lore,,,they’re my stupid little meow meows,,, they’re just two losers i want to see make out,,,

in a nutshell, they’re everything to me. well, i hope i get that kind of sentiment across in my own comics,,,,

and i cant get started on all the people ive met through chiscara or the way that having something i can call “my thing”, as in, the thing that i like and that i will spend a lot of time and effort (and money, but lets not talk about that) to surround myself with because it makes me smile. its stupid to say, but being a nerd about these two stupid guys who have never had a single canon onscreen interaction in some random game has made me a much happier and confident person that i could have ever imagined back in my freshman year of college,,, when i say i dont know who i’d be if i hadnt gotten into chiscara, i really do mean it lol

i’m actually surprised i’m making it to over a full year of regular-ishly making art, especially for the same game and ship! thats never happened before and my art has improved so much over this past year!! more than anything else, i’m happy! i get to be excited talking about these characters with my friends and i love to see art of them pop up on the tl. i make stickers of them and decorate my phonecase with them and have little figures of them in my room that i look at when im up late at night working on schoolwork. sometimes just the thought of finishing a comic or daydreaming about a scenario or seeing what my mutuals are up to are some of the few things getting me through a tough day.

,,,,so believe me when i say, to both childe and scara and to everyone else as obsessed with these pathic losers as i am, thank you! i’m having a lot of fun!!!

(also i just found out tumblrs copy/paste doesnt work on my ipad??? idk if this ends up legible i may or may not have deleted smth by accident and im not in a mood to proofread haha)

[sugar-omi]

TRANS MASC COVE TRANS MASC COVE (sfw +nsfw hcs pls,, id love your thoughts)

NO BC NOW YOU'VE PUT THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD N I NEED HIM DESPERATELY eta while im in the middle of writing: after this i... i can no longer hold onto my fem!cove thoughts. n i am eating up trans!cove like a starving ANIMAL.

tags : SFW + NSFW, transmasc (ftm) cove, switch cove/reader, some mentions of body/gender dysmorphia, im sure theres 1 transphobe walking around sunset bird so the smallest mention of that clown

SFW

i've been seeing a lotta top surgery scar tattoos on my twt timeline lately, and pls some of them i need for myself bc they're so!!!! pretty!!!!

so i can definitely see him getting tattoos there

not because he wants to cover em up, i just think he sees so many flash sheets over time that he's SOLD

mmm i wanna say that fem/afab!cove would have small boobs

or B cups at most

either way, i almost wanna say that his boobs before surgery wouldn't bother him as much unless someone was sexualizing him or he was exercising n his boobs were bouncing too much or smth like that

even then its usually complaints of, "ugh, this bra isn't supportive..." or something like that

ofc he still has his moments

i also think he only binds sometimes, rarely

doesn't do it often since it's often hot outside, or especially if he's sporty, its uncomfortable

(also looked it up just to be sure) but since he's always on the beach its inconvenient/unnecessary to wear if he can't wear it in the water

but like i said i think he'd be pretty flat/small anyway, so i think he's okay

mm definitely doesn't give up having long hair, or wearing the occasional dress/skirt ofc

but will correct one of the old sunset bird residents if they try and say "see honey, it was a phase, you're wearing a dress today!"

also idk abt yall, n this is more of a general thought, but i feel like step 2 cove's impulse control is. deathly low.

so one day, he has long/long-ish hair

and the next he has a mullet, wolf cut, or buzz cut.

he's so chaotic to me pls

now i've had fem!cove on my mind for weekssss now

so i'm not just saying this

but cove is still buff

thick muscly thighs, NICE ARMS. REALLY NICE ARMS

mm so i feel like he looks pretty androgynous or masc anyway

now im projecting here.

but cove has irregular periods, n they're pretty heavy most the time

or lasts awhile (ok im done projecting. sorry cove</3)

also think he deals with cramps (IM SORRY COVE)

i think his period is the biggest trigger of his body/gender dysmorphia too

although i think fem!cove would hate her period anyway altho tbf who doesnt

he'd definitely appreciate some comfort!!!

bring him another heating pad, your comfiest hoodie or blanket and snacks

he's very happy for the thoughtfulness and the company

step 2 cove would definitely be moved by such thoughtfulness... he's in tears

so after the first time it's a trend to spend time together in his bed, watching movies or something while he's cuddled into your side or next to you in a cove-rrito, all sleepy n comfy...

NSFW

had to stop writing the SFW to write this bc i had a thought

cove laid out all pretty... his chest rising and falling and he's all teary eyed as you're between his legs, eating his cunt until he's seeing stars.

pls his cunt with be so sensitive, and he'd be so pretty to fuck

would shake so much too

his thighs quivering so bad he clamps around your hand

you'd have to hold his legs up so he doesn't nearly flatten your head between his thick thighs

"y/n!" cove cries, his hands tangled in your hair and he's trying so hard not to squish your head between his thighs, but your tongue is flat against his sensitive clit, sucking and bullying the poor button while your fingers make a loud, sloppy mess of his hole.

he whines, hips shaking in your hands.

you tighten your grip on his waist, your fingers digging into the flesh, grumbling irritably around his clit but cove just cries out a loud moan and slurred word, torn between your name, a cuss word, and a cry for god.

you pull of his clit, your fingers still curling against that spongy spot inside his sloppy walls. "stay still, you're gonna crush my head..." you start to kiss his thighs, small kisses turning into you sucking deep hickeys into his tan skin, and that turning into biting.

cove gasps for air, his eyes fluttering closed as he squirms.

"fuck, y/n, please..." he mumbles, tugging at the bedsheets.

you stop the assault on his thighs, leaning up on your elbows so you can give cove a kiss, your lips lazily moving together...

anyway... horny aside for a moment<333

mm i could see cove not getting or really wanting bottom surgery

i think trans cove would be pretty comfortable with his body's appearance overall

and he's probably read into it a lot since it's not like he hasn't thought about it, i could just see him probably deciding its not something he wants

ARGGHH HE'D BE A DEMON WITH THE STRAP THOUGH

ahh. cove holding you down or folding your legs against your chest while he slams his hips against yours...

his strap hitting your poor prostate / cervix, he'd coo about how cute your whines are and that you're making him leak

would definitely upset he can't fill you up w cum

especially if you wanna get pregnant, rambles about how much he wishes he could fill you up with his cum again and again and again...

arghhh fuck imma lose my MIND

definitely takes advantage of those squirting dildos

can at least admire how you look oozing milky lube

omfg definitely wakes up all excited to tell you if he dreamed about it too...

has an array of straps

we already know he has a tentacle dildo or two deep in his closet...

yeah tries them out on you

"don't get tired yet, i have one more.. and it has a knot!!!"

he just likes to experiment on you a little~~ bit <333

ohh please tell him he looks handsome/sexy while you're giving him head

he'll die.

FUCK HE'D GO CRAZY IF YOU RIDE HIM TOO I KNOW IT

yeah he's still the same cute, secretly horny, big crybaby pookie <3333 i love him pls

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 25

welcome to the twenty-fifth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. ladies and gentlemen we are rocking in space by @mayerwien

LANCE do u like the taste of spam, van kieu because thats what ull get 1 glorious terabyte of def-not-garrison-approved viewing matl every hour on d hour

KEITH And now you’re blackmailing me. Wonderful. Look, I’ll tell you, alright? Not because your threat scares me, but because I’d like to cut this conversation as short as humanly possible.

LANCE glad ur being so cooperative ;) ;)

--

Lance gets a new flight simulation partner. Lance makes a bunch of mixtapes. Lance falls in love?

Galaxy Garrison + texting au. For the Klance Zine!

i can confidently say, in my 6+ years of being a klance stan, i have never seen anything like this before or since. this fic is AMAZING. completely new idea, hilarious, sweet, and totally untouchable. i’ve always love testing fics that are done right (bc theyre always funny), and does this one ever knock it out of the park! the dynamics are amazing and the rivalry is EXQUISITE. bonus of vietnamese keith and filipino lance, and this one line (it’s a spoiler so im not going to put it here) that actually knocked me out of the water. its about the CHOICE.

2. But You’ll Peek Through by Barkour

It's weird, the things you get used to when you've been stuck in space for years. How much you miss home. Socializing regularly with only six people. No wifi. Your cranky boyfriend.

this is one of the earliest vld fics ever written, and it has a CROWN idk. this fic makes me feel so many emotions all at once. like  i miss u 2016 fic i miss u keith gyeong i miss u bitchy klance i miss u early voltron found family dynamic i miss u old lance’s family headcanons i miss u bamf team. rip to the earliest voltron fandom (also. how did this author know about romelle. in 2016.)

3. Pull Me Closer by @thewriter2

An ancient power dwells in Lance’s very bones. It hums a sweet song of the sea in Lance’s ear, calling him to the water. Keith’s bones are on fire as the very spirit of the flame lives in him. However, it’s these ancient powers that begin to pull them together; that shows them how to properly balance each other out

i SEARCHED for this fic. i made half my followers search with me too. this fic is bamf lance to the fucking max, and its AMAZING. how many of you have wanted waterbender lance so badly you could barely speak? firebender keith? if u said u didnt then ur lying. this fic has literally everything you could ask for in a canon divergence

4. The Homestead by @devooshawrites

Keith is hired for the summer to work on the farm of the McClain family. He and the youngest son of the family become good friends, though Keith might want more.

i am so fucking in love with aus like this. cowboy or farmboy where theyre quietly in love in their own bubble of the world?? i cannot get enough of them. i would read a million of them. this fic in particular is SO soft and tender, it is so so important to me. ive read it so many times. its one of those fics that brings a smile to your face that u literally cannot fight back

5. Prince Charming by @taylortot

Lance thinks that Prince Keith is just another stuck-up royal with an attitude problem until they spend some time together outside of the palace and he discovers that he couldn't have been more wrong.

Written for The First of Forever Zine!

this fic is SO tender it is sickeningly sweet. “rivals” to friends to lovers is so special to me, and no one does it like taylortot fr. love is stored in the tender moments away 

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[shiftingtomydrs]

MLB DR

Alright so same as with some other drs my personal stuff like name and everything is the same soo wont go into that a lot tbh

then backstory, i originally wanted to be like an exchange student in france but then like i cant very well be ladybug if im only there for a year so i switched it to i move to france for some reason i dont know yet and i live there with my aunt or smth bcs she lives near paris yk? then basically i just kinda take marinettes place but not completely, like shes still there and stuff but im there too yk? my love interest is adrien and marinette will get together (and stay together) with luca cos theyre cute and im not sure yet if i should script her crush on adrien out or just say it disappears at some point

changes in plot: i dont like anything after season 2, dont ask me why, i just dont like it idk why either, so im gonna script seasons 3-5 out with some exceptions (e.g. i kinda really like cat blanc so i might leave that in with some other stuff but the whole shadow moth and all that shit no) also lila isnt the next supervillain shes just a regular mean girl cos it doesnt make any frickin sense that a 15 year old is able to manipulate every single person she meets. like shell still be able to lie and manipulate people her age but not adults cos thats just stupid imo. Also i havent even watched season 5 yet so im going off spoilers i saw for the next part: none of the miraculous will have permanent holders except ladybug and chat noir (aka me and adrien) cos i like to be special :) also i wont be guardian of the miraculous until much later like college or smth cos thats a ton of pressure and it went sideways for marinette so i dont want it going sideways for me. oh and a big one: ill be taking the whole sentimonster plot out cos i hate it and i think ive never hated a plot as much as that one. like sentimonsters can exist okay but felix and adrien and kagami etc arent one. cos just no. oh and ofc i wont know adrien is chat noir haha

now a bit more about myself: idk yet if i just wanna kinda steal marinettes interests and do the whole design thing cos i am a sucker for parallels and the parallel of adriens parents and adrinette is there but then again why would i wanna be like gabriel? so i might just do what i do in 90% of my drs and be a songwriter (well ill be that anyway question is do i add the designing part on top or not?), otherwise i like baking, ill do figure skating or gymnastics or ballet prolly like all the things i wanna do here but cant for this or that reason. my nationality will be german prolly cos i like having the german passport and also i dont think i need a visa for france cos its in the eu. i wont really script much more about like me and adrien except that we end up together but in my head its kinda similar to the adrien and marinette situation cos im a sucker for slowburn and idk it just fits i think also with my issues with trusting people have good intentions and not just spend time with me bcs of a bet or shit like that.

Physical looks, i might change my hair color cos idk i think itll fit and yeah but ill still have my eye color and height and stuff just be a bit fitter cos with my endurance theres no way ill be able to be a superhero (ik theres magic and shit but still)

im not sure yet if i should leave the dr as a cartoon or do it like this reality (leaning towards this reality bcs i think cartoon would freak me out a bit for my first shift and id overcomplicate it) or maybe ill just do two drs, one cartoon and one not.

anyway, if you have any questions, id love to talk more about this dr so pls ask them <3

@ningsols here it is :)

[skuntank]

Which Kalos gym leader do you think Diantha is most friendly/familiar with and which one do you think she knows about but doesn’t like? Cynthia has some friends among the Sinnoh (and Unova) gym league but I figure Diantha’s celebrity status might limit her non-work socialization a bit more.

OOHH thank u for this ..... lemme think

admittedly i dont have a lot of headcanons for other kalos league members, which is a bit of a shame, but unfortunately no one else interests me much so ive not given much thought to most of them btu this is a good excuse to!

(this got really long oops i do not blame anyone if no one reads it)

viola: outside of league stuff, i feel that they would know each other somewhat due to working together for photoshoots. also, i feel that violas sister alexa has probably interviewed diantha a few times and perhaps viola was there to record it. i think they would get along decently well but their relationship is just professional!

grant: again, another relationship that i see as amicable but just professional. maybe at most, he has helped diantha train for specific roles in terms of helping her get the hang of rock climbing basics and such but other than that i cant think of how they would interact much outside of league stuff.

korrina: so in the manga they do have a decent amoutn of canon interaction, but i dont remember much of it bc i only skimmed the manga to look at diantha lmao. but evidently, if korrina's grandfather was diantha's mentor at one point (i am assuming mentoring her in how to use mega evolution), then i am sure they have known each other for quite a while. i feel that perhaps diantha sees korrina as something of a younger sister, but unfortunately as theyve both gotten a bit older they dont get to spend as much time together as they may have once been able to when they were younger. korrina is probably one of the league members diantha has more of a history and familiarity with.

ramos: oh man is there even much info about ramos to begin with? i hate to just characterize him as "old person who is the grandparent of the league." maybe, as a gardener, i can see him doing some upkeep around the grounds of the different gyms and the league headquarters? maybe he also has a landscaping business? i think it would be fun if he had been the one to design how the grounds around the league headquarters look, helping it look even more regal than the building itself already does. so maybe perhaps she will run into him outside when she has to come to the league, or maybe she's paid him to come do some work at her home idk!

clemont: im ngl ive never been a fan of his and also he is a child so idk what reason would have to interact with him outside of league stuff. she probably is impressed by his ingenuity and understanding of technology and thats about it.

valerie: oh ok theyve gotta have one of the closer friendships i think!!! they undoubtedly met through either the league or through valerie being commissioned by diantha, one of the two, and they just clicked immediately. i think valerie is one of those people that is just Weird herself and is one of the extremely rare people that diantha can be more herself around without judgement. there is a mutual understanding and acceptance for one another of being an eclectic creative. if anything, i feel that when diantha is able to take part in more experimental and weird artsy indie productions, valerie is almost always involved somehow too because its the sort of thing that attracts them both. valerie is probably someone diantha wishes she could spend more recreational time with.

olympia: another person i see diantha getting along well with. i imagine olympia can be sort of ... off-putting in some ways, but more in the "shes just on another plane of existence" sort of way. and i think diantha would find her fascinating, and maybe even a little bit intimidating? not that its a bad thing lol. diantha would potentially like to spend more recreational time with her too but there is something sort of untouchable about olympia even if she is friendly and that makes it even more difficult to connect with her.

wulfric: so just purely in terms of character, i cant see them meshing well. not that i see them being antagonistic towards one another, but more in probably a generational divide way. and then also, wulfric is canonically a big fan of brycen-man .... which, according to my headcanon, makes things a little weird for diantha. having worked with brycen and knowing just what sort of person he is behind the scenes leaves a bad taste in her mouth when confronted by diehard brycen apologists, which i could see wulfric being and also being just sort of a good ol' boy. i think they can work together decently well for league things, but beyond that i feel that they would just be too different in many ways to connect well. also, if wulfric pesters her a lot about what its like to work with brycen, shes gonna get irritated by that pretty quickly.

malva: oof. i really really REALLY need to explore their dynamic more. malva is the prime example of why you shouldnt sleep with your coworkers i think and diantha definitely made that mistake. lmaooo. i see there being a lot of attraction between the two of them right off the bat and there being a lot of flirting and sexual tension but it exploded in their faces pretty quickly and its been Weird ever since. Weird as in like. diantha is jsut trying to remain professional and do her job and malva is an especially vindictive and petty person and is very very VERY good at finding out what gets under other peoples skin and exploiting that. i imagine there arent a lot of people who can make diantha lose her cool quite like malva can and i love it. additionally, all of dianthas "scandals" were first reported on and covered extensively by malva, purely by coincidence : ) in another universe where diantha was team flare boss, i like to imagine theyd have gotten along swimmingly.

siebold: i dont really have a lot of thoughts on him i am sorry. he seems like a cool dude but hes never had that spark that has really drawn me to him! tbh i just read in fanfiction about them being gay besties and i kinda just go with that bc it absolutely makes sense to me lmao

wikstrom: there is a lot of mutual respect and admiration between the two of them, and i see wikstrom being an untintentionally dramatic person (mostly in his speech and bodily movements) and diantha really enjoys that. something about him sort of just encourages the dramatics in her and if they are allowed to spend too much time together, their interactions slowly start to take on something of a shakespearean quality, as if theyre performing a stage play together (wikstrom is entirely unaware of this, diantha is fully aware of it and Very into it lmao its fun)

drasna: i see her as another Unsettling Older Woman, but not in the same way as olympia. im not sure how to describe it. i see diantha being a very astute person in being able to read others and their intentions, and drasna unsettles her but also like. drasna isnt a bad person. idk if im going to elaborate further be i feel like drasna is one of those chars id like to put more thought into.

[raven]

i feel like the tipping culture in my country might be different than in yours so i have a question (in good faith, i hope it comes across this way): why does tipping seem to be “reserved” only for waiters? why isn’t tipping for example cashiers a thing?

yeah im not super in the know on why tippong originated but heres my perspective as someone whos worked counter service cashier jobs and food retail and as a server

tipping is not reserved for waiters it's for people in the food industry, including cashiers, baristas, delivery drivers, etc (& support staff at restaurants get tipped out too) as well as for people giving services like hair dressers, masseuses, tattoo artists, taxi drivers, etc. like many people (stupid) wont tip cashiers and many places (fast food) wont let you tip their cashiers (they do get paid regular minimum wage though, while server minimum wage is 2.35 but it's weird to me to not allow tips). I always tip on to go orders bc the workers are doing the same amount; my restaurant doesnt have to go orders really but my old one did and tips on to go went straight to the support staff. but basically, its just how it is. why not tip retail? thats just not how it is. I dont know. Sorry. I havent really worked retail (i worked food retail and didnt get tips, but people would sneak me cash since i was doing some barista stuff) but it's kind of just that you are less in control of a customer's experience, generally. Like if you get your bra size measured, would you tip the person who did it? Idk. I'll have to check this out when i get my size measured soon. Idk, i try to tip as much as possible lol. Cashier, barista, etc. i buy something for $5 leave a $5 tip because it feels bad to leave just a dollar or two... theres also a retail store that allows tips at checkout and idk what it really goes to but i tip every time, i guess i could ask. and there's other services you tip for like hairdressers or masseuses or tattoo artists or taxi drivers like i mentioned before. at least thats just how i and others do it. because these people spend time, even several hours with you helping you and are probably not paid enough is my guess. (definitely taxi drivers are not paid enough especially if its uber/lyft...) Do you tip car repair? I need to get my car repaired, I'll look into it...

For why servers are prioritized in conversation: The bottom line is that it has been ingrained into american culture down to LAW that servers get paid less because they get tips. love it or hate it, by not giving tips you are not showing you disagree with a system, you are just fucking over a worker. You still spent the money at my restaurant, it will stay open. Many servers are also against passing laws to invoke minimum wages to lessen tipping because they would be paid way less, and i cant blame them. Like, my restaurant cant afford to pay me $60/hr. I got paid $60/hr tonight. I felt like i was going to die, but i would feel the same way if i was getting paid minimum wage by my employer, and i would be getting 1/4 that amount. Like serving simply isnt really worth it as a job because of the toll it takes on your mind and body to deal with customers, stand on your feet all day, carry heavy plates, clean the restaurant, etc, if we are not getting lots of money. At least for me since im disabled and killing myself with this job lol. But i have no college education and i LOVE feeding people good food! (I've also worked counter service not fast food, complicated , we did a lot of takeout, i mostly cashiered, never got a ton of tips, it was definitely much easier than being a full server in a full service restaurant. you should still tip people there thoughh)

[blackfairy312]

What would their Mincraft houses look like? And what is their biggest fear? (Fnac3)

🔥answering more of theeeese heheeh

i actually had a minecraft house for Komi once but it's lost o an old computer that doesnt work anymore 😭 it was shaped after a Black Box from Evillious (her "heart") and had a few bedrooms upstairs for herself and her kids and a HUUUGE kitchen and a fancy bathroom and a greenhours and a nise backyard an then like, a secret evil basement . i wish i had pictures of it.

dawg if these assholes played Minecraft together it would probablt be a server Komi made and she only gave Antonio moderator permissions bc she doesnt trust the other two with that . Antonio woukd make a statue of Vinnie and set it on fire to piss Vincent off. Komi spends most of the time building and decorating things and organizing bc she likes being productive (or else she'll start doing crazy shit). like these assholes she works with would probably be too busy fucking around in the game to focus on what theyre doing so Komi would make one house for them all to live in and make rooms for them all . every time the guys come back to base they'll see Komi in the middle of putting a redstone contraption together and they'll drop styff off in chests and explore the base little bc there's new stuff Komi added and then they'll leave to fuck around again . AND SOMEHOW Komi will have full neatherite armor and shit . everyone like "DUDE how did you find the time for this?" meanwhile all Vincent Richard and Antonio have been doing have probably been like . Naming chickens "Bitch" and hangint them from trees to throw eggs at them and harassing villagers or hanging around the pillager mansion like idiots . every time they die they have to ask Antonio or Komi to /tp them to someone else so they can get their shit.

and biggest Fears ... i already said in another postbut Komi is afraid of getting attached to humans but like she always does that anyway. smeting about her immortality VS their mortality and how they're destined to die and she's destined to leave .i guess she copes with this by CLINGING onto the memories she makes with the humans she meets in the Multiverse . and taking some suveniors from each world. Actually she has the original Vinnie puppet ! she kept that .

Vincent's biggest fear is people finding out who he really is .. a Manipulator Mainsplainer Mansluaghter er . he doesnt want to lose everything he doesnt want to be a 'normal person' he WANTS TO BE SOMEBODY. his biggest fear is LOSING. thats probably why he cheats at hide & seek as Monster Vinnie in the final night.

Antonio's biggest fear is ending up like his dad . as he's been raising himself and his siblings and observing his parents he's made a mental note of his dad's behaviors and how he NEVER WANTS TO END UP LIKE HIM . you can think ofhis dad like Clay Puppington maybe ? idk i just saw a moral orel clip this morning and now im thinkin about that show again . NO SORRY I FORGOT ANTONIO IS A LOT LIKE KENNY MCCORMICK , his parents just arent crackheads they're alcholics . but Yeah Antonio is TRYING to get himself together but tbh Vincent being an awful boss is ADDING to Antonio's stress and its not good for his mental health at ALL. he was probably seeing a therapist and was going to AA meetings but then ONE DAY he got into a fight with Vincent backstage and he went home and spiraled again. undoing his progress. Ywah im projecting heavy.

Richard's biggest fear is probably something tamer than everyone elses . for now anyway he isnt really complex in my mind like the other Three are rn 😭😭😭😭 SERIOUSLY THE GAME GIVES ME NOTHING TO WORK WITH WHICH IS FINE B FNAC 3 HAS AMAZING STORY TELLING BUT IN THE CONTEXT OF ME TRYING TO EXPAND ON WHAT'S THERE I DONT HAVE MUCH FOR THE CAT ACTOR .

[khodorkovskaya]

23.07.23

AHHHHH IM GOING TO SKATING CAMP TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!!

it feels im 8 yrs old again and it's the last day of school and tomorrow im going to montenegro for 3 months. like i am so excited you guys!!!

im getting the train at 6am tomorrow and lucien is meeting me there. his plan was for me to go today and spend the night at his parents' but they don't want me at their house cos im not family lol. he said im gonna meet them nevertheless. but they're old money. like actually old western european conservative money. and ive never met people like that before.

im very excited to meet his parents bc i need to know his origin story! like why is he the way he is??? apparently he had a very strict upbringing. and his parents are mega rich. and i feel like now the term "old money" has been tied to the whole aesthetic trend on tiktok, so it kinda lost its original meaning. but his parents are basically, yeah... conservative, protestant, very secretive life style, probably brought their children up with like super strict table manners like what fork is used for what, etc.

they're very cold too. like i was brought up with more eastern values. and even though my family isn't super traditional in that sense, i was still taught that hospitality is important and that you have to bring a gift every time you go to someone's house and stuff like that. whereas conservative western mentality isn't really like that. and his parents are in their 80s so yeah, they're a whole different breed i feel.

have you guys ever met like actual old money people? what was that like? and i don't mean just "rich people who aren't flashy". but like actual generational wealth people.

also panda has a theory that lucien's parents are in a cult lol. like mormons or jehovah's witnesses or sth.

when lucien was trying to convince his parents to let me stay over he was like "yeah, she's anti-alcohol and she doesn't drink and she's very very religious and modest". lolllll

speaking of being religious, church today was so good! my church crush handed me the music sheet and looked into my eyes and i said thank you and that was the highlight of my day lol. i still don't know his name. but it's fun, you know? to have a little crush i look forward to seeing every sunday. and honestly i don't really want to get to know him because he comes off as very arrogant and intellectual and snobby and i don't think we'd vibe. like at some point he sat down and man-spread and went on his phone. likeeeee. but then i see that after every service he goes up to all the icons to kiss them and lights candles and every time he does the cross thing he bows down to touch the ground (which i never do btw). but yeah im enjoying having this little crush a lot and i want it to stay that way.

maybe he's a reddit orthodox kind of guy, now that i think about it...? like i watched one video about orthodoxy cos i wanted to see who bishop irinei was and now my youtube recommended is full of these orthodox chad memes like "little dark age" that kind of stuff yknow. maybe my crush is the kind of guy who watches these things. cos like what else would a guy my age be doing at a church choir? likeeee

anyway, yeah! super stoked for tomorrow! idk if i'll post much about skating camp cos im gonna be hanging out with lucien and skating 24/7. but i promise i'll post a pic or two! <3

[skiasurveys]

What are some tropes/settings/concepts that you like in horror movies/books? psychological

Are there any objects that you own because of what they are rather than what you use them for? (For example, having a piano to have a piano rather than to play it or having an Eames chair because it is an Eames chair, etc.) no i’m poor

Who do you tend to compare yourself to most often? Is it someone in your life, someone online, or some composite idea of a person? people my age or younger

Stripes or polka dots? neither

Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? i guess? it depends on who.

What is your gender? Do you think that people think it's obvious? Im a female. Im sure its obvious

How long did your first date last? which one? 😭

Highlight of your day? getting a blizzard

Is everything working in your house? I guess so

Does pop give you energy? Caffeine i guess

TV show you love with a passion? The last of us currently.

Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Yeah. even if I dont think so at the time, I always learn

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? Nope. Maybe like 7?

Last time you went to 7-eleven? oh i dont even remember, I used to go all the time when I lived right behind one, but now I hardly go.

A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? I dont think I hate any with a passion, but i dont like arbys or five guys

Does everyone in your family have a job? Pretty much, yeah

Going anywhere this weekend? nope

What does it mean when you're being quiet? it can be different..sometimes im quiet bc im depressed, sad and tired and sometimes its because im busy

Last person you had a face-to-face conversation with? My mom.

How late did you stay up last night? I think 2 am

How many times have you been in love? never

How many years older than you would you date someone? It depends, maybe 10?

What was the last thing you pinky swore on? Idk

Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? Like 8

About how old was the last person that hit on you? I i think 25-28?

What color are your headphones? white

Is the fan on? Nope

Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? nope. I used to do these all the time, then stopped and just began to do them again lol

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Yes of course, then I need the story lmao

Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? dominant..hehe

If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Yep. i think

[TW: EATING DISORDER] Do you eat a lot of food? Not really? Like sometimes I have days where I eat more than I should, but on average nah.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? not rly.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? yes and hated it.

Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? Not a new born

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? a few weeks ago but ot was platonic

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? The Lion King. <- me too!! or Encanto

Which room of your house/apartment do you spend the most time in? my office or bedroom

Which insect do you find the most beautiful? Bumble Bees

Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? Not rly

Is there a place that you might call your second home? Nope

Is there a piece of jewelry that you feel naked without? No

What’s the sweetest thing someone’s done for you? My friend bought me flowers on Valentines day. she doesnt even live in the same country.

Which wild animals are a common sight in your area? Birds, squirrels, coyotes, bunnies, wild cats sometimes

Do you recognize friends’/family’s vehicles by sound? no lol

What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you? dental work

Do you wish people would forgive you for your past so you could move on? Yeah but I feel like I need to forgive myself and others more

Who was your first roommate? my ex boyfriend

Do you have a sibling who looks like you? my sister looks nothing like me but sometimes we have certain qualities

[TW: CHILD/PREGNANCY LOSS] Name three women you know who have lost a child. Sasha, Micha, and my Grandma

Which nationalities have you been told you look like? (i.e., Asian, Irish) I get told I look Hispanic but I dont see it 😭

What book are you currently reading? nothing i need to read again

Have you ever received any scary, threatening messages on social media? Yes.

Who was your first kiss? brandon

Who are three of your favorite YouTubers to watch? Game Grumps, kurtis conner, safiya nygaard

What do you miss about high school? seeing friends every day

What color was your first car? white

What color was the house you grew up in? it’s this teal blue colour

Growing up, what floor was your bedroom on? top floor until i was 12 then basement

Does your bedroom have carpet? Yeah.

What are the top three travel destinations on your bucket list? Iceland, new york, italy

Do you get heartburn? I occasionally get it

What are three things you are known for on social media? graphic design , stan acc and traumacore

What is your Instagram account name?

Have you ever used Snapchat? yes but only for pics

Did you want to be famous when you were younger? yes

First celebrity you were obsessed with? joe jonas lol.

First celebrity crush? joe jonas ☹️

What was something unique about you as a kid?

nothing !!

Were you ever goth/emo? yes but not fully bc my parents wouldn’t let me lol

Do you want any more piercings? yus

[furballfaggot]

my buddy convinced me to make an animal jam play wild account since it actually still gets proper updates and so far my feelings have been. mixed. overall i havent done nearly as much as anyone else bc my account has existed for maybeee 2 or 3 hours? so this is just my first impressions. im also kinda biased bc ive been playing animal jam classic for years and years and YEARS. back when 9 + 10 = 21 was still unironically funny and every cool kid in class read warriors. might update this post with extra thoughts as i go along! all opinions below the cut bc this is an absurdly long post

ive only played a few levels of overflow (and it might be because i played on expert because i Definitely have no overbearing hubris casting a shadow upon my better judgement) but the gem payout being higher than AJC for each level you complete is a very welcome change (2 gems times X number, seemingly determined by how long your path is, vs AJPWs i think it was like 5 gems times X number determined by how long your path is? either that or like 10. idk i blew a whole half hour on overflow alone and it was almost 6 AM by the time i finished so my brains kinda muddled)

also, membership has become far less of an overbearing nightmare monster for AJPW in comparison to AJC! thats a good thing! personally i think that membership just Shouldn't but thats because i think any monetarily-accessed subscription anythings just Shouldn't especially in this day and age. i got to go to the clothing store and buy things i liked and i didnt just have to longingly stare at the paywalled options like a maiden gazing out to sea and it felt great

dont like how theres so many fewer options for shopping for Like Everything but its a far more ambitious game than AJC what with everything being 3d modeled, and its got a younger target demo and theyre usually happy with whatever looks cool, so it checks out. haha. funny pun that was intended definitely. whats there is also pretty great and the den item options you get started off with are both way more cool and way more More than classic in its hayday. idk about the ajc starting den items now though i dug my old account from the ashes of who i once was when i decided to pick classic up again. i dont actually remember if you start with any den items in ajc now that i think about it i might be misremembering. that still means play wild has that point against classic though. shame theres no water animals but they could maybe possibly be added in an update pretty please wildworks if by some miracle youre reading this i am begging and pleadi

really my main issue so far is with how many things cost real-world money. theres next to nothing that requires a membership to even be bought aside from one members-only map location my buddy warned me about beforehand -- which, as a reluctant f2p since literally like 5th grade, ive been playing this game for Far too long, i do genuinely appreciate -- but boy oh boy you can sure tell this was mainly developed as a mobile game. there is so much pay-real-money-for-trinkets stuff and you just Cannot disable that menu. at least let me get rid of the little button that tells me i can spend the hard-earned bucks on moms credit card to get 1/4th the amount of animals of AJC man thats all i ask of this part

also this is largely unrelated but can i just say i DESPISE how many things are like "hi heres a welcome bonus :) oh but you need to pay like 3 bucks for it. yeah its usually 5 but for a Special New Player Like You? its a steal!" like thats not a welcome bonus thats an entry fee. i know thats like a paltry amount of money compared to most things Just Ever but its also coming from a guy whos family usually has zero money to spare

[knize-strachkvas]

so under the influence of local anaesthetics and pretty strong painkillers, i made the very questionable decision to watch fantasy boys. it was a mistake and you're going to suffer with me.

first things first. i dont think the editing is bad? surprisingly it doesn't look like they are trying to evil edit some trainees? which is surprising and it also shows how low the bar is lmao (im looking at you mnet).

the first two eps were okay. they showed a lot of performances without evil editing them that much? i hated the way they made myungjae look incompetent but he was the only one used for the drama value? i think? as i said i was not really focused while i was watching it lol. also the way they sorted them to the grades using the id card was very dramatic and i like the idea

the most questionable thing is the dorm situation. that one trainee saying it look like the squid game room was not far from the truth lmao. them sleeping in one big room is just creepy, especially when they don't really switch the light off during the night in the halls?? i would not be able to fall asleep in such an open space. and them having to spend their free time there? nope NOPE :D

their idea for the visual battle was cool. them knowing only the visual concept and choosing without knowing the song was evil. and the songs seemed equally impactful. whoever chose them did a good job.

now the participants. maybe im just way too old but why does it seems like the majority of the trainees have an extremely huge ego? i know that this is survival show and pretending you are better than you actually are and creating an interesting persona is literally part of their job but boiiiii its so annoying? i have zero interest in stanning a 15yo who thinks they're best at absolutely everything while lacking a basic human decency. idk im just not vibing with this attitude. most of the teams had very bad teamwork bc they are all self-centric and not able to cooperate with the rest of the team. they are all there to become a part of a boy group. that's literally an endless group project where you need to be in close proximity with your teammates 24/7. sounds like hell but as far as i know they all went there willingly.

mentioning annoying participants, it's time for the defenestration team, also known as the participants somebody should throw out of the window as the human garbage they are. the honourable members of this excellent team are the stealer team (except for ivan, ling qi and wooseok) and ksoul. the stealer team is here for obvious reasons. they are a bunch of xenophobic idiots. yes, if you're already debuted idol in korea and you can't speak korean at all - that would be a problem. but neither of the chinese boys was already debuted idols and they still have time to perfect their korean. they were just a bunch of insecure meanies who were jealous that some foreign kids were better than them. and with ksoul. god, i can't stand the kid. well....kid. uhm how old is he really? that's the real question here lmao. anyway, ksoul is an annoying, arrogant and self-centred jerk that does not have an ounce of will to cooperate in his body. that boy is not fit to be in a boy group consisting of 12 members. he needs to be permanently the centre of attention, being the best and not having any competition. having him in a team would be a punishment to the rest of the team.

other trainees i would love to talk about santa and yacht (no i will not call him yaya). wabi sabi what the actual fuck. why. i have so many questions. (ksoul immediately knowing who they are was the only funny thing ksoul did on that show). with santa, i kinda get it. he is good, his skills on the same level as some of the other trainees and there is a potential for him to blend together perfectly. but yacht? he is the oldest here and his skills are lacking in every way possible. i read somewhere that yacht is there just to accompany santa and that sounds about right to me. them leading the global voting even before the 1st ep airing just showed that having a solid fanbase (consisting mainly of bl fans) can do a lot. the ranking was not deserved at ALL, especially yacht's. (would also like to mention that being on a survival show and having to communicate constantly in a language you're not familiar with is hard and all the foreign trainees are brave for going for it. the stealer team situation just proves it. and the fact that they actually show it there is a miracle.)

right now (ep4) this is my top 12. surprisingly, after only 4 episodes, there are a lot of trainees that are a good choice for the debuting team. it's more about not letting the red flags (aka the defenestration team) debut and not giving them more attention than is necessary. top3 caught my attention during 1st episode (i knew junwon from &audition), the rest of them did great during the visual battle, especially jinho, seunghyun and myungjae.

okay that's it for now. can't believe i now need to watch eight (?) more episodes. i love to make myself suffer :))

[livingasaghost]

september was not great folks, but we're trying <3

in the saddest realization of the season i discovered that my favorite part of the day is my 40m drive to work because it's chilly and i can see a lot of trees and the morning light and i also am in the perfect headspace to listen to Good Music and it's like when i used to make my morning playlists for opening the coffeeshop except soooo much more enjoyable

been listening to lots of holly humberstone and NF's new album and justin vernon stuff (bon iver, BRM, etc) and unfortunately gracie abrams - there's just something about all these artists being like "I AM THE PROBLEM ITS ME IM SORRY" that just speaks to me! that's not concerning at all!

laura and i talked for like two hours last night and it was like old times and god i really do miss when we'd just ride the same bus home and i could walk to her house ):

i've been trying to make taylor's chai cookies for like a week and i realized i absolutely have time to make them today so i'm trying to buck up the energy to do that in the next two hours before i have to be a person and go to a photoshoot

"good day" by olivia barton

i'm trying to get back into crying in h mart because mom finished reading it and we're supposedly buddy reading it so we can discuss it but i haven't felt like reading all month because i've been depressed...but like damn cancer sucks guys

in other news, i think because i've had such a shitty brain month this september i've almost pushed myself so far that halloween season sounds really fun!!! i'm trying to work through my halloween hate bc i think it's kind of silly and all my friends love halloween so i should love it too! and like i wanna watch spooky movies and be chilly and have FUN! god!

i kinda forgot a vital piece of jennalore which is that when i was a kid my mom's college roommate used to send us frosted sugar cookies shaped like bats every halloween and it was actually kinda the best thing ever? so i'm trying to channel that energy this season

work is batshit insane and i'm so exhausted by it i literally slept for 11hrs on like wednesday night bc i was so tired but also......when we're busy i always feel like i'm actually Doing Something and my bosses are so happy with the work i do so like.....it's good even though it's bad!

therapy has actually been really really good? like it Sucks bc it's therapy and i hate talking about my feelings but my therapist is the sweetest NB person ever and they're always just like "uhhh that's emotional abuse my dude!" and i'm so fucking excited bc at the end of october they're gonna have saturday openings which means i can finally go talk to them in person and not on my lunch break in our tiny break room!!!! at this point i have to pretend like my coworker can't hear everything i say during therapy otherwise i'd go insane so i always leave my sessions being like ......did max hear that i'm aroace and i have depression and i might be neurodivergent??? idk!!!

which speaking of, even though max and i definitely aren't like friends by any sense of the word....we are also just like having a time together! it's wild i see him most out of all the people i know but i think we're both going a little insane from the workload and being Depressed so we just spend all day being kinda wacky and for whatever reason i've reached a point where i stopped having a filter with him so i just start talking about the most random shit and he's cool with it lol

i think i might maybe be a little lonely! idk! i've been struggling to figure out what i need or who to talk to and i generally just want to talk to like two or three of my friends or my gc and everyone's just busy ): but then when i have the chance to talk to anyone and i Sit Down to try to interact bc i know some people are probably around i just get a little overwhelmed idk make it make sense!!!

and i realized i don't have a lot of IRL friends anymore bc a lot of the ones i had from the coffeeshop are Not My Friend and the ones i met on instagram are also Not My Friend and the ones i used to live with are Not My Friend and so my list of people to hang with is teeny tiny and idek what i need or want anymore so it's just my brain screaming .

the most frustrating thing rn is that i know i'm in a bad mental place however i cannot distinguish what i need! but when someone asks me what i need i get this intense panic/dread and i spiral real bad and if anyone tries to be kind to me it makes me feel worse and so it's like....i'm stuck in this stand still where i can't get what i need but i don't know what i need so i just eat cereal, listen to music, and go to bed early!!!

i don't wanna watch anything, i still haven't finished this season of only murders, i need a DVD player bc i want to watch the director's commentary of hill house, there's a bunch of shows and movies coming out soon that i feel overwhelmed by at the moment and it's just like !!! this is all so unfair

and i need to make all these appointments like getting my oil changed and going to the doctor for my annual but i cannot bring myself to do those things but also like should i ask my doctor about medication for depression??? surely it isn't that serious but like maybe it is idk!!!!

the depression isn't as bad as it's been in the past (i think?) like i felt a lot more hopeless in 2017 and i think a lot of that is because i do have a support system and a therapist and a good paying job and things to look forward to but like i'm very aware that many days i do just feel that feeling of "everything is meaningless and nothing will bring me joy ever again" so it's like !!! idk!!!! maybe i'm gaslighting myself into thinking i'm not that bad when in actuality i am!!!

i've just been stuck in that space of middle limbo with all my "diagnoses" that i cannot rationally understand if i'm allowing myself to see myself the way i am? like i always felt like i wasn't depressed enough to be Depressed bc i'm not suicidal but like ??? that's silly !!! maybe i am Depressed!!!!! but i don't even know how to go about getting meds and what they would do and it's almost more overwhelming to think about that than to just be depressed ): bc i still am convinced a lot of it comes down to the heat and the lingering effects of summer

but now i'm thinking about 2021 when it was the bad times and i stopped working on creative stuff or literally any year from 2017-2020 when i just spent the early fall Not Creating and having a crisis that i'd never create again and it's like.............is that bc i'm always depressed around this time? it's comforting bc i know life is seasons and i will come back around to making things and doing my silly projects but it's just sort of making me wonder how it would be different if i tried to find a way to get meds ....like would that Fix Me....would that Solve the Problem....what if it doesn't! what if i'm not depressed enough for that!

(this is all just thoughts, i'm fine, etc, just haven't let myself fully think about the depression this month bc i don't think there's a solution rn i'm just trying to get through it)

anyway, "good day" by olivia barton