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princessofgotham777 · 2 days ago

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Dating Jason Todd (Part Eleven)

fanfic type: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort (ongoing)

If you liked the Titans show but wish they handled Jason’s story line differently you might like this fic!

Hey so this is in fact my first time writing fanfiction (idk what my life has come to). Sorry if it’s cringy but also I would eat this up cause I LOVE some good angsty comfort fanfiction. I won’t write smut. I don’t think I’m gonna do requests but if you have any ideas feel free to let me know. Also of course I don’t own any DC characters this is purely fanfiction. Thank you and I hope you enjoy. (I hope you like run-on sentences💀) (if you don’t like it don’t be rude just move on dude😃🧍‍♀️)

So story line, this doesn’t really take place in any specific universe but I’m gonna be pulling concepts from Titans, Arkham Knight, The Batman, Under the Red Hood, and whatever lore I remember from the CW shows cause I grew up watching those, then just my imagination of course. Reader is referred to as she/her btw.

Warnings: talking about death, suicide, depression, torture (it’s not graphic I hate gore it’s just sad), talking about intimacy (not graphic), struggling with eating, topics of grief, violence, panic attacks, PTSD, talking about struggles of being over sexualized

Part Eleven: I miss you; you

You hurried past everyone and went upstairs.

“Where was she?” Thea asks.

Dick talks in a hushed tone and says, “she was sleeping in the grass by Jason’s grave. She said she was going to Chicago alone but I got her to let me come with so I can keep an eye on her.” Everyone is speechless except for Thea.

“Right so that’s insane,” she says as she walked past Dick and heads upstairs to Jason’s room.

“Y/N?” Thea says. She walks in on you packing a bag. You’ve already changed into skinny jeans, a tank top, and Jason’s leather jacket.

“Yeah?” You ask her. She walks up to you.

“Hey listen I know you’re hurting but you can’t push us away, you can’t push me away,” she says.

“I’m not pushing you away, I just can’t be in Gotham right now,” you say.

“So you asked Dick to go with you?” She says.

“I know it looks weird trust me…but if you went with me you’d make me feel better, I don’t want to feel better. Jason’s dead and he’s never coming back and I just want to be miserable in peace and Dick will let me do that,” you say. “Also if joker or another psycho pops up Dick will protect me,” you add. Thea stays quiet for a minute. “I know it doesn’t make sense,” you say.

“No…it does. I get the whole wanting to be miserable after someone you loves dies because I know that it is miserable and painful. When you need me I’ll be there okay?” She says.

“Okay,” you say.

“And I know this is shitty of me to say but as your best friend I just have to say don’t do anything…stupid,” she says.

“I would never…” you start to say but Thea cuts you off.

“I know…I just had to say it,” she says.

“I won’t, I promise,” you say. You know she means she doesn’t want you to lean on Dick too much, it is a shitty thing to say but you know she is valid for saying it. You’re a big believer in the hard truth so you appreciate Thea’s honesty.

You put your pink Chicago hat on and head downstairs to wait for Dick. While you’re waiting for him Rachel finds you.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hi Rachel,” you say. She looks as though she wants to say something but is staying quiet. “Hey I just want you to know, these past few days I know I’ve been distant from you and it’s not that you’ve done something wrong or anything, it’s just…seeing you and talking with you reminds me of when I was a Titan and it reminds me of Jason.”

“Oh…” she says. “I was wondering but obviously I didn’t wanna push, I just haven’t talked with you much, like you said, and I just wanted to check in. I’m worried about you especially since now you’re heading to Chicago with Dick of all people,” she says.

“Why’s it weird I’m going with Dick?” You ask her trying to figure out how much she knows. To your knowledge only Jason, Bruce, and Thea know about your past with Dick.

“When I first met you guys, I asked you if anything ever happened between you and Dick and you said no, I guess you forgot I had a thing for knowing when people are lying,” she says. Your eyes go wide, Rachel knew the whole time. Every awkard look between you and Dick, every time you pulled him aside or was unusually bitter or gentle towards him; she knew about it all.

“You never said anything?” You say.

“I figured you two kept it a secret for a reason, then you told me you were falling for Jason and that was a shock but not a lie so I just left it alone. Dick doesn’t know that I know by the way,” she says.

“Does Gar or Kori know?” You ask.

“I don’t think Gar does, Kori has her suspicions, I know Donna knows though,” she says.

“Oh,” you say. “Do you still have the ability to notice lies?” You ask her.

“No unfortunately,” she says. “Why?” Before you can answer you see Dick walking towards you two.

“Ready?” He asks.

“Yep,” you say.

“I’ll bring the car around,” he says. “See you soon Rachel,”

“Bye,” Rachel says to him. “Wait so why ask about the lying thing?”

“No reason,” you say. “Just wondering.” You hug her goodbye and go get in the passenger seat of Dick’s silver Porsche. You didn’t want to tell Rachel the real reason is because you wanted to know for sure if subconsciously you felt anything for Dick. As Dick drove through the dark streets of Gotham you began to cry silently. This went on for about twenty minutes and then you started coughing.

“You okay?” He asks absentmindedly. You involuntarily start crying loudly.

“Shit…I’m sorry…sorry,” you say wiping your tears.

“Hey it’s okay,” Dick says.

“It’s not, just keep driving this is why I asked you to come with me…so I can just cry in peace,” you say.

You and Dick get to the old safe house in Chicago a couple hours later. You crash there and the next morning he finds you lying on the couch just staring at the ceiling.

“Morning,” he says as he makes coffee.

“Rachel knows by the way,” you say.

“Knows what?” He says.

“About our past,” you say.

“Oh…I always kinda figured she did,” he says.

“You didn’t think to tell me?” you say sitting up.

“She never actually said anything to me,” he says.

“Oh and Donna knows too?” You say.

“Okay Donna I did tell,” he says.

“Course you fucking did,” you say.

“Hey you and Donna used to be close,” he says.

“Yeah well that was a long time ago,” you say.

“It wasn’t but you keep telling yourself that,” he says.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You say angrily.

“Nothing,” he says as he sips his coffee.

“What do you mean?” You repeat.

He sighs, “when you and Jason left Gar, Rachel, Kori and Donna were honestly pissed you stopped coming around as much,” he says.

“Do you think I wanted to leave, I helped you make that team,” you say.

“Then why did you…no one made you follow Jason like a lost dog,” he says. You freeze in shock of how harsh he was being.

You smirk and say, “you sound like your old self Dick.”

“Yeah well that tends to happen when I’m around you,” he says.

“I didn’t follow Jason, I left because of how they treated him, because of how you treated him,” you say.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“That’s not good enough,” you say. “Meet me in fifteen minutes, we’re going to that o little shop by the park.”

“Where you got your hat?” He asks.

“That’s the one,” you say.

You and Dick walk through the streets of Chicago. You can’t help but have flashbacks to the beginning of your time as a titan. It was in this city you finally discovered Jason was the second Robin. You and Rachel’s friendship started here. Your and Dick’s friendship ended here when your meaningless romance finally crashed and burned. These streets held so many moments from the past; the most painful ones though were the ones with Jason; because you know he’s never coming back.

Dick and you sit on a park bench that overlooks a duck pond. Behind you is the shop you got your pink Chicago hat from.

“This is where I found out Jason was Robin and where Rachel and I became friends,” you say. “It’s also where Jason bought me this hat,” you say. “The four of us were on the run from those crazy cult people and he thought it would help me hide.” Dick is quiet for a minute.

“I bought you the hat,” he say plainly.

“What?” You say.

“I was the one who bought you the hat, not Jason,” he says. Your speechless. “I know you hate me now but just remember once upon a time I cared about you, and you cared about me. Once upon a time we were friends,” he says. Tears begin escaping your eyes. You don’t even know what to say. “I know you hate me now but just know I think about you all the time. I think about before everything got so fucked up between us,” he says as a tear falls from his eye.

“I could never hate you Dick,” you say softly as you reach over to him. You look deep into his eyes searching for permission to touch his face. When he doesn’t brush your hand away you gently flick the tear from his skin. You snap out of it and rub your eyes. “Come on,” you say to him. You begin crossing the street and he follows you. You two walk back to the safe house in silence. More silence follows throughout the rest of the day. You two see eachother in the kitchen every couple of hours but don’t say anything. Sometimes one of you looks as though you’re going to say something but then they just turn away. Seeing him so broken is killing you. You thought bringing Dick with you would be a good idea, that he would simply allow you to be miserable. Your plan had clearly failed; all bringing Dick did was add to your list of reasons to cry. You lay on top of the covers in one of the bedrooms. You had changed to pjs which consisted of a pair of Jason’s sweatpants which were very oversized on you, and a light blue tank top. You were about to go try to find Dick when your phone rang. To your suprise it was Gar.

“Is everything okay?” You say answering the phone.

“Yeah I just…wanted to check up on you,” Gar says awkwardly.

“I’m as good as I can be and ps you’re a bad liar,” you say.

“What do you mean?” He says.

“Checking up on me? Gar why are you really calling?” You ask.

“I had a dream…about Jason,” he says.

“Oh?” You say.

“In the dream, he was just a regular guy, not Robin, and him and I were friends still and we were just at a record shop talking normally,” he says.

“That doesn’t sound bad?” You say confused.

“Exactly it just made me think what his life could’ve been like if he were never Robin, if he never worked with Batman and joined the titans,” Gar says.

“I’ve thought about that too,” you say.

“You have?” He says.

“Course, he always said being Robin was the best thing that ever happened to him,” you say.

“Until he met you,” Gar says. You smile for a moment but then a look of sadness returns to your face.

“Listen it’s pretty late I hate to hang up but just know you’re completely valid for wondering what could’ve happened,” you say.

“Don’t worry about it, thank you. I hope you can get some sleep,” he says.

“You too, bye Gar,” you say as you hang up.

You head into the kitchen and find Dick writing in a journal. He looks up at you for a moment then back down at his writing. You debate saying something but instead you walk past him to the stairs to the roof. It takes him a moment to register where you’re going but once he did he quickly goes after you.

In the stairwell he says, “please tell me your not gonna try to jump.”

“I’m not planning on it,” you say as you open the door to the roof. You and him stand there in your pajamas on the roof surrounded in the darkness of night. “I just needed some fresh air,” you say.

“You’ve got something against opening windows?” He says jokingly. You don’t laugh you simply look at him with sadness.

“What the hell happened to us,” you say.

Dick is quick to respond, “you and Jason clearly-“ he begins to say before you cut him off.

“No I mean what happened to you and i,” you say.

“Y/N,” Dick says.

“No just let me…just let me say this,” you say. “I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, you don’t need to apologize,” he says interrupting you.

“Dick for once in your life can you just let me talk without being interrupted please,” you say. “I’m sorry I treat you so horribly.” He looks visibly confused. “I know I snap at you and hold things against you and I know I expect too much of you and I’m sorry. You accepted me for who I am and saved my life. You allowed me into your world and…and,” you begin to cry. “I just miss our friendship. I never wanted you romantically. I know I said I did but that was only because that’s how I thought you saw me. I was just so used to guys only seeing my body and not my soul that that’s how I thought you saw me, and I didn’t want to lose you so I pretended to have feelings for you.” Dick looks utterly speechless. “I’m so sorry;” you cry.

“I’m sorry too,” he says. “I’m sorry I made you think that’s how I saw you. I only ever saw you as a friend. When you told me you had feelings I figured you also only saw me for my body. You never gave me a reason to think that but it wasn’t hard because of how people treat me,” he says. “I know what it’s like to be seen as a piece of flesh and I need you to know I never thought of you that way,” he says. You continue crying. “I’m sorry our issues got in the way of us being friends.”

“Would you ever consider trying to go back to how things were?” You asked him.

“That’s all I’ve wanted,” he says. He steps towards you and pulls you into a hug. You cry into his shoulder. You two go back inside and sit at the island in the kitchen. You grab two lemonades that are probably years old and slide one over to Dick.

“Okay so now that we’re good I have to ask something,” Dick says.

“Okay?” You say.

“It has to do with Jason, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about him,” he says.

“No it’s okay, I just want to have a normal conversation, no walking on eggshells necessary,” you say.

“Okay, so when you and Jason started dating I assume you told him stuff happened between you and I?” Dick says.

“Yeah,” you say.

“And? How’d he react?” Dick asks.

“Why do you wanna know?” You ask.

“I always wondered what Jason was like under his mask of jokes and recklessness,” Dick says.

“Jason wasn’t reckless.” You say. “Okay you gotta promise none of this stuff about Jason leaves this little roadtrip okay?” You say.

“I promise,” he says. “By the way I think it’s really sweet how you keep your and his relationship so close to your chest. You and him were always so protective over your bond and I never got to tell either of you that I admire that,” Dick says. You smile genuinely.

“Jason wasn’t reckless, anything he ever did like that he did either because he genuinely thought he was capable or because he was trying to prove himself to Bruce or to you or to the titans,” you say.

“Never to you?” He asks.

“Jason didn’t have to prove himself to me with reckless behavior, contrary to popular belief I am not attracted to chaos,” you say.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Dick says with a laugh.

“When I told Jason about you and I, I told him the truth. That the feelings were misunderstood and not communicated well. I never told him anything personal about you but I did tell him about when you saved me; he respected our past because of that,” you say.

“I had no idea, he always acted so standoffish toward me,” Dick says.

“You were his hero and you made him feel weak, like he needed to prove himself. And when he couldn’t do that he snapped at you because he never felt enough for you or Bruce,” you say.

“I know I was too harsh, I was too harsh with you too when you guys were titans,” Dick says. “Do you ever miss it? Being a titan?” Dick asks.

“Gar asked me the same thing the other night,” you say. “Me and Jason talked about it before, rejoining titans. It sounded good till we remembered how everything ended for us at the tower. I didn’t tell Gar this but Jason wakes up…” you correct yourself “he used to wake up screaming…he’d have nightmares about falling off the tower.”

“I’ve had nightmares about him falling too, I just replay him slipping out of my grasp sometimes when I can’t sleep,” Dick says. “I guess Jason and I were more alike than anyone noticed.”

“I noticed, once I found out Jason was Robin I noticed how similar you and him were,” you say.

“Okay confession,” Dick says. “When you told me you had romantic feelings for me I was so fucking scared,” he says laughing.

“Really?” You ask.

“You don’t understand like I thought I was going to throw up out of fear,” he says laughing.

“Why?” You ask laughing.

“I was scared to lose you and I didn’t feel the same way so I convinced myself I did,” he says. “What made you confess your fake romantic feelings anyway?”

“It was something you said,” you say.

“Oh?” He says.

“It was when that creep was stalking me and you made a comment about my body, I was in such a fucked up headspace I assumed you only saw my body and not really me so because I also didn’t want to lose you I acted like I wanted more than friendship,” you say.

“I’m sorry you felt that way,” he says.

“Thanks,” you say.

“No really I’m sorry, I know I already said this but you know I’ve had my fair share of being used for my body, and I’m so sorry I ever made you think that’s how I saw you,” he says.

“It wasn’t you it was just the circumstances, and I promise I never saw you like that either,” you say in a serious tone. You and Dick simply smiled at eachother just enjoying the moment. Things between you two felt right. Of course you were still miserable and full of sadness and rage because of the love of your life died in agony, but at least you revived a friendship.

“I don’t think I’ll ever fall in love again,” you say.

“Honestly that’s okay, don’t let any idiots tell you that you need to find someone else. If you do meet someone else great you deserve that but if you don’t that’s okay,” he says.

“Thanks,” you say. “There’s that no fucks given advice I so missed,” you say.

“Right, I missed giving you straightforward advice,” he says.

“I think I’m gonna head to sleep,” you say.

“Same honestly,” he says. You two get up but you freeze for a moment.

“Dick one more thing, at Arkham when we…when we found Jason’s…body. I’m sorry for snapping at you how I did,” you say.

“It’s alright, I can’t even imagine how you felt,” he pauses for a moment. “If you need someone to talk to, just remember I’m always here. No judgement, just like old times.”

“Thanks,” you say.

Hey, this part actually came out a decent length I feel like the others have been kinda short lately. I didn’t like the fact that Dick and Reader had a romance in the past and I also HATE the constant over sexualization of Nightwing so I figured I’d write some platonic angst and also touch on that cause it’s never talked about😭. Anyways if you want to see more parts please like and follow. Any positive feedback is always appreciated, it encourages me to keep writing and posting parts. I’m going to start developing the red hood plot line soon (I know Jason is supposed to be dead for a while but for the purposes of wanting to get to the point I’m probably just going to write he was dead for a few months). I hope you enjoyed the fic!

If you wanted to check out the other parts here’s a link to my Masterlist.

Masterlist

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