#idk if it’s common but I literally lose control of my body to the point I’ve pulled muscles lmao

[mycological-mariner]

Forgot how sensitive my seizure alarm was. Just set it off by conducting my invisible orchestra again

[labyrinthofcrystals]

GOBLIN'S RELATIONSHIPS IN MY AU

I feel like I should give a warning but…don’t really know what to warn for? I guess just codependency & generally unhealthy relationships? idk Goblin is a traumatized former villain. What do you think her relationships are like. I didn’t list all the characters in my AU, but if you want to know what their relationship with Goblin is like/how they interact lmk. 

I do want to mention that everyone is in therapy & coping with their issues in a (mostly) healthy way. 

Join me in being a she/her goblin truther 🙏

Norman

THE SIBLINGS EVER. BUT ALSO…

I call them siblings a lot, which is absolutely true, but tbh they’re like. Twins. Technically. They were twins and then Goblin stopped aging for a bit. They’re best friends but also horribly codependent on the other in only the way sharing the same body your entire life would make you. They are so sssooo used to each other, Norman has difficulty setting boundaries with Goblin because (1) they shared a body. there is nothing there that Goblin has not seen or even used herself. (2) they’re used to each other being around 24/7, even if Goblin wasn’t co-fronting/near the front, Norman still knew she was there, really only a call away. and on some level it was a comfort to know he was never fully alone. and he STILL seeks out her comfort, which Goblin relishes in and absolutely takes advantage of. 

Goblin absolutely adores Norman, thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread. Incredibly over protective & possessive of him, at first trying to convince him to ruin all of his relationships so she’d have him to himself. Of course, that doesn’t work, and Goblin comes to realize that the more people who care about Norman/are in his life, the happier he is. She will do literally anything for Norman if it meant making him happy. Anything. To an unhealthy degree. She can, will, and has ignored her own needs/wants in favor of Norman — whether to protect him or make him happy or if it’s simply what she thinks he wants her to do. He was her whole life & reason for living for 17 whole years. Excuse her if she wants him to read her a bedtime story once in a while. 

tldr: siblings but in the worst way possible

Otto

Goblin hated Otto at first. She did not like the fact that he was now married to Norman, and was now the “most important” person in Norman’s life, a title Goblin felt belonged to her. She was also deathly scared of the actuators, having no experience with them other than when they fought her. So, naturally, she thinks that Otto will lose control and hurt Norman. Or is just with him for his money. Or both. And so she thinks she’s protecting Norman by being mean to Otto — he was going to leave anyway, might as well lower those attachment levels! But obviously this isn’t true at all, Otto loves Norman and wants him to be happy. The actuators are also pretty curious about Goblin, which she unfortunately reads as hostility. Otto eventually manages to calm Goblin down slightly by pointing out Norman would probably be happier if they got along better (and also explained that the actuators were basically curious toddlers lol). Over time Goblin accepts that more than one person can make Norman happy, and even comes to enjoy hanging out with Otto and play-wrestling with the actuators. Shoutout to Otto, man has the patience of a saint I swear. 

Harry

Siblings but. 👀 Both were very argumentative at first, being passive aggressive and just straight up insulting each other, much to Norman’s dismay. Main reason is that they both want Norman’s attention, but think they’re the only one deserving of it (not so much on Harry’s end, but he does have Daddy Issues). Norman tends to favor Harry, trying to make up for his past treatment and repair the relationship between them. Whereas Goblin sees Harry as an ungrateful brat. He hated Norman, and now he wants his love? Unbelievable! 

But thanks to therapy, Harry realizes that the two have more in common than realized: being forced to live in Norman’s shadow. So he makes the decision to try and be nice to Goblin, see where she’s coming from. And also because no matter his feelings towards his father, he truly doesn’t like how quickly Norman will disregard Goblin when it comes to him. They like to complain and make fun of Norman together <3

tldr: siblings but in the best way possible

Peter

Raimi/Tobey: Likes Goblin! Thinks she’s great. The most used to her outside of Norman & Otto. Also she’s technically his sidekick??? I mentioned Goblin is a hero, but she’s mostly regarded as a sidekick of either Spiderman or Doc Ock. It totally doesn’t piss her off. They also like to spar/fight/train together because neither have to worry about severely hurting the other (super strength + advanced healing combo). Typically invites her out to things with Andrew & Tom if they’re cool with it. 

Amazing/Andrew: That's his little sister and if you try to say otherwise he will gaslight you into thinking it’s true. Was largely neutral on Goblin as unlike Tobey & Tom. he didn’t really have a connection to her outside of another villain that needed to be defeated. So really, he was curious about Goblin when she gained her own body, and went out of his way to hang out with her. 

MCU/Tom: Tentative. Like Tobey, he acknowledges that Goblin was under the influence of the serum. Unfortunately, that doesn’t unto the bad shit she did, and he still resents her for it. Not as bad as Harry in terms of picking arguments, mainly because he doesn’t want to or like stressing Otto out. Goblin has apologized to him, as she’s done with everyone, but also respects that lines were crossed, even if they weren’t 100% her fault. They only interact in group settings and have minimal contact. They’re cordial, but that’s about it, y’know?

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hey momdad

This might be a bit of a doozy, and I completely understand if you don't want to respond, but I need to share this with someone

I recently lost my brother to a mental health crisis. The elders in my family are all looking at me as if I will let go of all my life's goals and just do the typical things they want me to do (get married, have babies), and it's filling me with rage. A cousin literally texted me 3 months after with a text saying "Hope you've started to move on"

If feels as though no one is giving a thought about the fact that I've lost someone very important to me, and also they are making me feel suffocated and guilty that I have no plans to be the typical perfect daughter my parents might want.

My cousin literally tells me shit like "you should move back home, you being there will help them get over this faster" how do I tell them that living with my parents caused my own mental health to deteriorate to the point of suicidal ideation in myself??!

I feel like a bad child. At the same time I feel anger and pain that no one is understanding me. Idk what to do.

fucking hell, sweetheart, that is horrible on top of absolutely horrible.

first of all, i'm so sorry for your loss. you are completely right that your family is not giving you your own room to grieve someone important to you, and they're acting as if your feelings about losing your brother don't matter in comparison to everyone else's feelings. your emotional needs are just as important as THEIR emotional needs.

secondly, i'm going to cut right to the chase on this one. i hate to be this cynical, but after reading your message a couple times, i'm inclined to think that your family is deliberately using this tragedy to try and manipulate you.

there's a term that's used when discussing abusive families/parents, called "flying monkeys", which is taken from the wizard of oz, where the wicked witch has a fleet of literal flying monkeys that do her bidding. it's very common for abusive parents to have people that they go to (usually extended family or friends of the family), and they pull a sob story or throw a pity party, put on a performance that ends up with the flying monkey in question contacting the abused child and telling them to do what the abuser wants them to do. (that is, if the abuser doesn't simply have full control over the flying monkey and straight up tells them what to do.)

to be quite honest, it sounds to me like this is what your cousin is doing. these are like, really specific things your cousin is saying, right? maybe your relationship with your cousin is very different to mine, but i couldn't imagine one of my cousins telling me those things unless their parents or my parents had told them to say that to me.

if the things your cousin is saying sound at all like what you'd imagine your parents would say to you, i think you should probably assume your cousin is just repeating what's been said to them. i would try not to jump to the worst conclusions if you hadn't said living with your parents made you suicidal, but i think that in these circumstances, it's safest to assume the worst.

i promise you, sweetheart, you are not a bad child for just wanting to live your own fucking life. you are not a bad child for not allowing your parents complete control over your life, body, and will.

if i'm right and your parents are using the suicide of their own son to try and manipulate their daughter into give up her own life and become a baby-making machine subject to their whims, that is utterly fucking monstrous, and i think you should listen to your rage. when it comes to abusive parents, your rage is what protects you.

listen to me, sweetheart. you don't owe them anything. you don't owe your cousin anything. bare minimum, your cousin is being a fucking asshole. at worst, they're deliberately manipulating you. you don't need to explain shit to them. it's probably best if you don't try, because opening lines of communication is how they get their claws in you.

i'm not an expert, so i want you to go through the 'abuse and trauma' section of my resources masterpost and do some reading in my tags about abuse, such as parental abuse and abuse tactics. i think that might help make things a lot more clear.

please, please put yourself first here, darling. you are important. your feelings and your dreams and your grief and your autonomy fucking matter. what is best for you fucking matters. stay strong and take care of yourself, alright?

[phoenixyfriend]

More "de-aged Taka and T7 end up in the Warring Clans Era as Founders' wards" AU

“That’s a thing?” you ask. The answer is yes.

Uh. Kind of. Deaging Team Seven for the sake of tossing them back in time for a Founder to adopt is pretty common, but I’m trash for Taka so this AU started with me brainstorming the asshole team.

I am falling more and more in love with the idea of Tobirama ending up with custody of Team Taka somehow. He’s a science dad, but like. Marginally more ethical than Orochimaru.

Everyone around them is like "This is a terrible idea and it's all going to end horribly" and he's just like "Ah, these are now my children."

I've read so many "Team Seven time-travels and is de-aged, get adopted by the Founders" or "a Founder time-travels forward and adopts Naruto, subsequently picking up the others" and they're good but I now want the same plot with an even more dysfunctional collection of... eldritch mishaps? The AO3 feel of "I want this fic I just read, again, but a step to the left so it feels fresh and new"

I'm considering the tent of tranquility idea (courtesy of @sloaners​) and I've come to the decision that Tobirama's... probably going to end up with Several Holes in it, and burns, and cuts, because Karin and Suigetsu never stop fighting, and if they're fighting, they're not paying attention to how soon Juugo's going to lose his grip on control.

"Hm. Tobirama?" "Anija." "Where did you get children?" "They showed up." "One of them looks like an Uchiha." "He does." "Two of them are trying to kill each other." "That's normal." "Are the Uchiha going to accuse us of stealing a clan child?" "Probably." "...Tobirama, did you steal these children?" "No."

(It's not kidnapping if they show up and break into your house first.)

(Also none of them are particularly pressed to ditch the Senju and find their clans. Maybe eventually. Not now.)

They’re assholes but Karin is, even at Supposedly Age Three, babbling at Tobirama about proper lab protocol and chemical reactions and isn’t that just the most adorable thing?

Very few people find Karin as adorable as Tobirama does, because Karin knows more ways to kill a person than most adult shinobi, because most adult shinobi don’t know about things like flesh-eating diseases and specialty poisons from the other side of the continent that can only be refined via chemical processes that won’t exist for another three decades.

Juugo is a sweetheart. Best child. Then he loses his mind but it’s okay, Sasuke is there. Do the Senju trust the clearly-Uchiha child to control the much larger five-year-old? No. But they don’t have any better ideas right now, so.

Tobirama: Hm, we should do something about that. Karin: Here’s a list of ideas and things that have already been tried. Tobirama: Thank you, small child. Where did you get this? Karin: ... Tobirama: Fair enough, let’s see what we can do.

Suigetsu is a little terror because not only is he a Massive Jerk but he also has better control over water than most adults. Mostly because he is water. It’s very hard to find him when he’s avoiding chores.

Karin clings to Mito sometimes because Family! and then Hashirama tries to tease Tobirama about being upset that one of his students/children has ditched him. Hashirama ends up moping in a corner because Tobirama snaps at him, unsurprisingly.

IDK if we have like any canon for Touka beyond skill with genjutsu, but going off of the fanon that she used a naginata, I’m going to say that Suigetsu keeps trying to challenge her to Blade Fights and she’s just like Neat, A Tiny Murder Machine.

Sasuke is very quiet for the most part and Dramatically Broods On Rooftops And In Trees and Hashirama is just like YES YOU REMIND ME OF MY BROTHER AND ALSO MY BEST FRIEND and Sasuke hides.

Sasuke does not need another Naruto, thank you.

Sasuke ends up hanging out with Mito, I think? Like yeah, sure, she’s an Uzumaki, but she’s chill and refined and calm and she has really good tea in stock. Sure he has to learn fuuinjutsu to have an excuse to hang out with her, but that’s fine. It’s interesting. Karin does it too, sometimes.

tbh that probably leaves Hashirama to hang out with Juugo? Juugo isn’t great at Excite but he is great at nature so I feel like Hashirama would be stars-in-eyes about Juugo talking to birds the way Hashirama talks to trees, and Hashirama just gets him a chicken coop like HERE. FRIENDS.

But back to the suspected child theft.

Hashirama is like “That is... clearly an Uchiha. They are going to find out, Tobirama! Someone is going to figure out we have--” “Sasuke, show him your other eye. Yeah, the one you cover.” “...” “Okay, go back to playing.” “...Tobirama.” “Yeah?” “That was a Rinnegan.” “You know those rumors that the only way to get a Rinnegan is to mix the Uchiha and Senju bloodlines?” “It’s true?” “No idea, Sasuke won’t tell me anything about his parents other than their names, and he’s three, but even the chance of it being true means we have an arguable claim.” “...that’s not going to be enough to convince the Uchiha.” “The theory is but one weapon of many in the upcoming battle of wits.” “Tobirama--” “Now if you’ll excuse me, Anija, I need to go make sure Suigetsu doesn’t flood the training grounds again.”

tbh I can’t remember who made the original comment in canon about the Rinnegan being achieved via Senju/Uchiha babies but it’s funny to use here so I’ll pretend it’s a common rumor that nobody actually believes

MEANWHILE WITH THE UCHIHA Madara found and took custody of Team Seven and company, mostly because they’re like... jounin-level despite being less than three feet tall.

It involves a lot of Madara going "I want My New Children to love me!" and being sorely disappointed by half of them. Poor fucker got stuck with Naruto, Sakura, Sai, Kakashi, Yamato, and Obito.

(KakaYamaObito are deaged by the time-travel to 10-13ish. The kids are deaged to 3-4. Everyone has memories to just after the fourth war or so.)

Karin sensed T7 and tagalong pretty much the second they popped out of Kamui, and told Sasuke, but he correctly guessed that Naruto would hunt him down eventually, and said they should enjoy the peace and quiet while they had it.

Sai pulls emotionless creepy smiles in an attempt to freak out Madara but since Madara's whole thing initially was "less children in war," he's... mostly just sad. Izuna wants to know who made his brother cry.

Madara makes a vaguely misogynistic comment that's typical for the period and Sakura just. Breaks his tibia.

Naruto is genuinely trying to treat Madara with the kind of respect a caretaker that Attempts To Care And Do Good By Them deserves, because Naruto is a good egg, but he's... three again. Which means he's a Hellion.

The literal toddlers (Naruto and Sakura are three-ish, Sai is four-ish) are, in fact, toddlers, so nobody really expects them to be able to do anything. Nobody bothers to test them beyond the basics of like. Can walk? Can talk? Can maybe hold knife? Like don’t get me wrong, they’re very competent toddlers, but their hands can barely wrap around a kunai. Their bodies are tiny. Their bones only just stopped being soft!

That said, the “tweens” (re: adults who got deaged but Less) have to get tested for their skills. Kakashi downplays himself to what he imagines a semi-competent eleven-year-old to be capable of. He thinks of, like, Neji maybe? Good, but not suspiciously good.

Obito enters an intangible state and refuses to participate. He has a Mangekyo. His body is half-Zetsu. Stop bothering him. He doesn’t want to do anything. They assign him babysitting duty for Team Seven since he can obviously defend pretty well, and Kakashi vouches for his abilities as a fighter.

Yamato decides to try to be just a little worse than Kakashi but at one point he panics and does Mokuton on instinct and now the entire Uchiha compound is screeching because did they just steal a Main Family Senju kid by accident?

Yamato: Should I tell them I was a science experiment? Kakashi: No.

Pranks galore! None of the other time-travelers even try to stop Naruto, except maybe Yamato.

Obito at the Uchiha compound is mostly "I don't want to participate" and then just uses Kamui to be intangible until people leave him alone. If it's not another time-traveler or Madara, he's not interested. He doesn't even care that much about Sai or Yamato, actually, so if it's not an original T7 member, he doesn't care, and if it's Madara, he's just here to make things Difficult.

The Kyuubi wanders up to the Uchiha compound one day and everyone's preparing for a battle, even Madara isn't confident that he can-- [BANG] "KURAMA!" [delighted squealing]

Naruto now has a pet. The entire clan is terrified. Kurama pokes his nose at Naruto's stomach and disappears into the memory of a seal.

Madara, frantically writing a letter to Hashirama "What do I do if my toddler is possessed?!?"

Hashirama: You have a toddler?!?!?! OMG you should organize playdates with Tobirama's kids! Madara: I'M GOING TO QUESTION THAT LATER, PLEASE HELP WITH THE POSSESSION THING

Kurama hunts down Naruto, and the Jinchuuriki situation is very much in the realm of "Dis Mine" Also a bit of "If I'm in the brat, there's at least one Mangekyo user in hearing distance who can and will risk his life to prevent brainwashing. (Kakashi. It’s Kakashi.)

Naruto: Kurama's one of my best friends! Every time traveler: Yeah, that tracks. Madara: [teakettle screeching]

Per @firebirdeternal​: I'm just loving the visual of Giant Nightmare Terror Kurama kneeling down and pressing his nose to Naruto's Smol Chubby Toddler self and closing his eyes while Naruto pets him and giggles and every single battle-ready Uchiha is just. "wat"

Everybody else: Cool so Madara adopted a witch Uchiha Elders: We need to be careful of this horrible creature The younger generation of Uchiha: Okay that was weirdly serene and adorable and frankly the brat is really likeable when he's not being adhd as hell I think this is actually pretty dope.

Madara really wants to be a Good Dad but he has no idea how he ended up being "a dad" in the first place. He just! He cares a lot about this random assortment of kids! Some of them are from prominent clans and there should be search parties for the Senju kid with the Mokuton, or the Hatake brat, or the Uzumaki that doesn't look Uzumaki but definitely feels Uzumaki.... and SURE the only Uchiha of the bunch is a stranger who hates him for no reason Madara can come up with, but! He wants to be a good authority figure!

At least the Uzumaki appreciates that he's trying.

Seriously, though, there are clan kids and nobody’s looking for them, what’s up with that?

Kakashi still has a prize copy of Icha Icha and nobody in the Uchiha compound does a thorough check of his reading material until like three months in.

He is blamed for Naruto developing the Oiroke, because where ELSE would a toddler get such ideas? (Yamato and Obito both tell him he brought this on himself.)

Naruto waits until a Big Important Meeting lets out, something about tithes or a merchant contract, and just pulls a Harem no Jutsu in front of the entire group of Elders And Main Family. First he does a Mass Shadow Clone, which makes everyone turn on Sharingan because Fancy New Techniques to steal! Sure, they were late on the shadow clones, but the kid is clearly gearing up for something! The something is Oiroke.

Anime Nosebleeds everywhere. Most of the elders were hit. Izuna was hit. Madara is not bleeding from the nose, but he is very upset about having semi-accidentally sharingan-memorized his weird adoptee’s Sexy Older Female Alter Ego. There is yelling.

Naruto’s like “Oh, I missed some!” and decides to try again with Reverse Harem no Jutsu because there are old ladies among the Elders, and maybe some straight women representing a guild, and maybe some gay guys he missed! Madara is still not bleeding. (He’s very demi and tbh Naruto only would have succeeded if he’d tried to use Hashirama’s face. Naruto does not know this. He just figures Madara is ace like Sasuke and that no variant is going to work.)

Izuna gets another nosebleed and is just like “Well, this is not how I planned on coming out as bi, but--” “Izuna, I literally do not care about you being bi as long as one of us has an heir at some point, I’m more upset about the fact that my child has been corrupted!”

Back in the Senju compound, there is... a lot of screaming, honestly, but every time Karin and Suigetsu start trying to kill each other again, Tobirama just shrugs and tells them not to break anything.

Very easy-going caretaker, really. He's got some very deadly toddlers in hand, but they're still just toddlers.

Sasuke: Yeah, I might want to go see my clan at some point. Suigetsu: Yeah, I might want to go see my clan at some point. Karin, clinging to Mito: Yeah, I want to go see my clan at some point. Juugo: Please never, ever take me to my clan. Ever. Please. I'll stay with Sasuke, thank you.

Naruto breaks out of the Uchiha compound the first time he enters Sage Mode, several months in (it took a while to get the privacy) because he feels Sasuke and lbr if Naruto knows where Sasuke is, nothing will stop him.

The Uchiha clansmen cannot catch the errant toddler. They fail to inform Madara until Naruto is already in Senju territory because nobody wanted to admit the toddler outmaneuvered them.

Naruto wasn’t sure how to get into the Senju Compound safely so he just goes full Kyuubi, bounds over the wall screaming SASUKEEEEE at the top of his lungs, and then shrinks back down to Tiny Brat size so he could hug his Bestest Friend Ever and cling like a limpet while Sasuke just sighs and stares at the wall.

Sakura ran after him.

Sai painted a bird and Yamato dragged Kakashi onto it to chase Naruto, because Kakashi is at a point of zen regarding Naruto's bullshit and fully trusts the kid to not die.

Obito refuses to look up from whatever he's doing and asks people why they think he cares.

“We told you to look after the toddlers!” “Why would you do that? Seems like poor planning on your part.”

Disappears when nobody's looking. Waits until the Ruckus at the Senju compound (where T7 has crashed in to tackle-hug Sasuke and Madara followed in and proceeded to get shouty, and nobody's dead or battling because they're too confused and also it's a comedy) has started to calm down, and then teleports in and demonstrates Mokuton just to make Madara's life harder when the Senju Elders start demanding answers.

His energy is very "I am here to make Madara's life harder" and Madara still doesn't know what he did wrong.

Madara: That brat has a Sharingan! Tobirama: Well THAT one has Mokuton! Obito: Yamato has it too. [angry teakettle noises]

Madara's first response to seeing Sasuke is to turn to Izuna and point aggressively at the toddler while making a tea-kettle noise "He looks just like you!" "He's four, he barely looks like anything!"

Naruto, tugging at Madara's hakama: You need to make a village with Hashirama so I can see Sasuke more often, cuz I don't wanna ditch you guys, but I gotta see Sasuke! He's my best friend! Madara, who is aware that he could fight this child but really doesn't want to, and also knows that a tantrum thrown by Naruto or Sasuke is capable of leveling mountains: Right, yes, we'll get right on that.

tbh Madara wants the village anyway but "The bijuu-whisperer said he wants it to happen" is a great way to push things forward.

[xenteaart]

You’re a Cat, Hargreeves

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader

Request 1: Hello, so Five has been through a LOT in just two weeks, so can I request something where the reader and him have a bit of intimacy but are not together yet. Then something happens that is just the last drop to him and he shows up to the reader with red and glossy eyes and collapses in her arms? She just holds him (because boy, he needs it) and after a while he manages to talk about things letting his feelings for her slip in the process. Then she can just calm him down and make him feel loved.

Request 2: Could I request a fanfic where Five has a terrible day at the Commission or in the Apocalypse and at bedtime the Reader comforts him, and he suddenly becomes the little spoon for the first time? Idk I think it would be cute to see him shy and secretly liking

!!! Note: Since these two requests have a common theme of Five being stressed as fuck and having a breakdown I’ve decided to combine them. Personally I imagine this scenario in my Commission AU, HOWEVER, I intentionally didn’t make it very specific in terms of the circumstances so you can headcanon whatever u like <3 also sorry its not the exact scenario from your requests but i hope you don’t mind me taking some creative liberty.

also both Five and Reader are in their 20s here coz otherwise i’m very uncomfortable

massive thanks to @wonders-of-the-multiverse​ for helping me out with wording the physicality of certain things <33333

GIF: @maxiemayfield​

You’ve seen Five in many different states.

You’ve seen him anxious and spiraling, you’ve seen him furious and borderline insane; depressed and distant, lost and confused. At this point, you genuinely thought you’d seen it all but, apparently, you were wrong.

“I am just so tired.” Five whispered almost inaudibly with a sigh so desperate that it made your stomach turn.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” you asked, your voice small as you weren’t quite sure how to act yet.

He glanced at you, and you couldn’t help but notice his eyes glistening with salty wetness that was about to spill out and smear his frustration all over his cheeks.

You always loved Five’s eyes - his huge, almost puppy dog eyes that made you absolutely lose yourself in their depth. Whenever you looked into them, you saw wisdom, maturity, exhaustion and patience, dedication and passion, all at the same time. There was a whole other universe behind his blue orbs, and you admired it endlessly. Looking into his eyes right now, however, was nowhere near as exciting and pleasant. Instead, it felt like some strange and violent ache was gripping you at the very heart and squeezing it without mercy, and you winced at the sensation as worry and concern were uncontrollably blossoming inside your ribcage.

Five didn’t grant you with an answer, too busy trying to hold back his tears and clenching his teeth proudly as if there was any point at all.

You got up on your feet and approached Five slowly, careful not to freak him out as you were giving him the time to get used to your presence in his personal space. Normally, he wouldn’t mind yet you couldn’t tell if the same rules applied to scenarios like the one taking place.

“I’m here, yeah? It’s okay, you’re okay,” you kept repeating like a mantra as you pulled Five into your embrace.

He buried his face in the crook of your neck and you instantly felt your skin getting damp. In just a few seconds Five’s entire body relaxed into yours and he wrapped his arms around you tightly, finally letting go and allowing himself to have a proper cry. He hadn’t had one in years, and, by all means, he was entitled to this breakdown.

Most of the time, Five was the one protecting you - looking out for you and leading the both of you out of dangerous and potentially lethal situations. Not that it was a completely one-sided dynamic but it was true that you tended to rely on him quite a lot in times of crisis. Five was good in crisis, exceptional actually. He made decisions quickly and didn’t hesitate to do absolutely anything it took to achieve his goals, which, unfortunately, meant that he was often forced to make choices where humanity and ethics were no longer a top priority.

Despite all that, Five always seemed in control, and even when he wasn’t, you knew he’d get it back eventually. You had placed your trust in him at all times, and only now were you starting to realize that it must have felt like a huge weight of responsibility on his shoulders. Granted, he was objectively smarter and more capable due to his superpowers but he was still human.

Hearing Five’s hopeless and feverish sobbing was unnerving, and you could only imagine what was going on in his cluttered and clearly overloaded mind as he was bawling his eyes out with such raw and genuine fury. From the lack of a better idea you simply waited for Five to cry himself out, patiently holding him in your arms and whispering words of reassurance into the air, not so much out of hope he’d hear them and listen but more as a means of letting him feel you were still there.

“I’m so fucking tired,” Five finally uttered but his words rather quickly got drowned in his weeping. You still got the message, though.

“You deserve to rest, Five,” you replied, feeling your legs start to shake from the weight of Five’s entire body leaning on your form. As much as you wanted to stay like this for as long as he needed, you couldn’t exactly go against your evident physical disadvantage. Five was a heavy gentleman, after all.

“Hey, let’s move to the bed, yeah?” it was more of a statement than a question, so you stepped towards the bed suggestively, expecting him to follow you. To your relief, he didn’t resist and followed your lead right away, seemingly too exhausted to even think, let alone disobey.

Five’s body was limp from the absence of energy, all of which had presumably gone into crying, and he could barely manage to walk on his own, so you grabbed at his shoulders to steady him.

It felt like his physical self was now merely a vehicle with no pilot to steer it, and his mind was long lost someplace else.

As you sat Five down, you caressed his cheek with your thumb, wiping away the trails of his tears whilst also trying to gently break him out of the prison of his troubled and restless brain. To your disappointment, it failed to spark any sort of response.

Right in this moment, he looked almost defenseless. Sure, he wasn’t an incapable baby all of a sudden but he was relying on you, reversing your roles and putting all of his worries and pain on your shoulders, basically asking you to carry them for him because he simply couldn’t anymore.

“Fives. Fives? Look at me, please?” you called, trying to shift his attention to something on the outside because you knew it was the looking inside that pushed him to crumble.

“Focus on my voice, alright?” you tried to keep your tone as steady and stern as you possibly could because right now you were his only bridge back to reality.

You pressed your palms against Five’s shoulders and slowly climbed onto his lap, resting your weight atop of him completely and hoping the pressure of it would manage to snap him out of his almost delirious daze.

As your hand reached for Five’s, you placed it on your chest right where your heart was beating and said:

“Can you feel it? It means I’m alive, Fives. I’m a human and a consciousness just like you. And I'm never leaving your side, no matter the circumstances. You’re never going to be alone, I promise you.”

You took Five by his chin with your other hand and softly guided his gaze upwards to meet your own, noticing his red glossy eyes finally regaining some clarity. The very peak of Five’s episode had already passed, and, as he was coming down from it, he encircled your waist with his arm and let his head sink to your shoulder with his eyes closed shut.

Still sitting straddled across his lap, you brushed your fingers through his soft silky hair and began to massage his scalp in a calming manner, trying to release some of the tension and lull him further into peacefulness. As your fingers moved a little lower, you knew you’d hit the sweet spot because Five literally purred into your skin as soon as he felt your nails gently scratch at the nape of his neck.

“How many times did I say you’re a cat, Hargreeves,” you rolled your eyes at his reaction and couldn’t resist a wide smile as you buried your nose in his hair. Five hummed quietly, and it was the only response you were going to get from him, which, to be fair, was already a big improvement so you couldn't really complain.

“How about we get you into some comfier clothes, wash your face and then you can tell me all about what’s been on your mind, hm?” you proposed confidently, still holding Five close and practically enveloping him in your warmth.

Your every movement was saturated with such understanding and care that not for a split second did Five feel like his vulnerability was making him weak or unworthy. It was quite the opposite, and with each passing moment he was beginning to feel like you were only making him stronger.

He nodded at your suggestion approvingly but didn’t move an inch, and you took it as a hint that he needed a few more minutes of sitting in silence; the bridge of his nose pressed to your collarbone as he was still finding his way back into the present.

You didn’t mind at all.

[mylivejournalsucks]

how i quit drinking

hiii. k, so i talked about quitting drinking in my AMA's and got a lot of questions/curious vibes so i thought i would expand a bit.

i had a pretty "normal" relationship with drinking until a few years ago when i started drinking more at home. it became very common to split a bottle of wine, which would invariably sometimes turn into a bottle of wine solo every night. it was slow and insidious, which makes sense because alcohol is progressive. it's very common to drink more, little by little, and then before you know it, you're in what feels like quicksand and can't dig yourself out.  eventually i became accustomed to going through life with a mid-grade hangover. my work and relationships didn't suffer which, in a way, made it harder for me to acknowledge there was even a problem. alcoholism, to me, was synonymous with burning your life to the ground but here I was! still an ultra productive Virgo getting shit done so I'm fine, right?

we don't have the language or nuance to describe what constitutes as a drinking problem.  it's very binary: you either have an issue or you don't. but i would argue that a lot of people exist in the grey; they don't like their relationship with alcohol so they try to scale back. maybe it works for awhile but eventually they find themselves right back where they started. that was very much my pattern. i'd go through booze heavy periods, chill out so i could gain an illusion of control, and then start back all over again. it was exhausting. i was constantly disappointed in myself. why couldn't i go back to the way i used to drink? i survived a painkiller addiction, getting hit by a car....but somehow, i can't restrict myself to two drinks?! rude.

quitting drinking altogether seemed psycho. i mean, our culture worships at the altar of booze. WE ARE OBSESSED. it's sewn into the fabric of our society. we can't imagine parties or vacations without it. pasta without a glass of red? babe, no. alcohol is the only drug where you get judged for NOT doing it. it's unhinged!! (this is probs because it forces people to look at their own relationship with alcohol, which can be LOL levels of terrifying.)

then the pandemi hit and all my probs with alcohol were suddenly in HD. I was drinking more and more, not even getting drunk because my tolerance was so high. every day i'd make a promise not to drink and then 5pm would roll around and the thought of not unwinding with a glass of something legit terrified me so i would. it was so depressing and also so boring!!! every day had the same flat blank quality to it. it felt like i was stuck in the world's least compelling groundhog's day.

six months earlier, i bought a book recommended by edith zimmerman at the cut called how to quit drinking by allen carr. i didn't read it at first—i wasn't ready— so i just put it on my bookshelf and waited for it to be like, "PICK ME UP, BITCH!"

my "rock bottom" was unremarkable. i had dinner, drank a bottle of wine, felt barely buzzed. i went to bed and was jolted awake at 3am with a hangover. this wasn't uncommon. it'd happen a few times a week and every time i'd wake up and be like, "okay, this needs to stop. tomorrow is the day i make real changes." then i would fall asleep, wake up, and forget all the honest feelings i had felt earlier.

but this time was different. i went on my phone and read more articles from edith zimmerman about her sobriety. i came across an interview she did with annie grace who wrote a book called This Naked Mind. curious, i read the first few pages. her opener was literally her talking about how, when she was drinking, she'd jolt awake in the middle of the night hungover and be honest with herself about the state of her drinking. then she would fall asleep, Men In Black memory erase that honesty, and wake up repeating the same cycle. L-OL. DRAG ME, BABY!

it was witchy reading someone articulate my exact reality. it was also confirmation that i did have a problem. it might not be a problem that was causing me to lose my job or put my life in danger but it was a problem. i woke up the next day, committed to not pushing those thoughts out of my head like i usually did, and read allen carr's book and annie grace's book. i haven't drank since.

in essence, both their books dismantle our collective belief that alcohol is amazing, that it is a necessary part of our life, and to be without it would be a chore and less fun. these books are basically like, "actually, babe, alcohol is a scam and here's why." they articulate alcohol's effect on the body and the brain (spoiler: it's not good, hon....) but they don't do it in a scare tactics kind of way. it's very matter-of-fact and driven by science. IDK, it just fucking clicked for me. granted, the book wasn't some magic trick. i had to get to the point where i was ready to change. edith zimmerman said something like, "i no longer believed in alcohol and what it purported to do for me so it was time to take out that belief system and replace it with something new."

the key for me was seeing alcohol for what it is; literally poison. when i did dry january, there would always be a moment when out to dinner, i'd want a glass of wine but then i would use my willpower and white knuckle my way through it. the craving would pass and i'd be so grateful i abstained but there was still this feeling of "awwww,..wine...that would've been nice." now i'm like "ew, get that away from me." i'm truly nauseated by the smell of alcohol now.

everyone's journey to sobriety is different. a lot of my friends got sober working a program and doing AA, which is amazing. this is just what worked for me. i was hesitant to share this shit because it's not a traditional path and i haven't been sober for a large amount of time. but fuck it. if one person reads this and is moved towards sobriety, it's worth it.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Bad Manners (S2, E5)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:35 - Martin totally thought John Watkins abducted and killed Ainsley. Mark my words. 

0:44 - Holy. Shit. Ainsley is FIVE years old (or younger) here right? A five year old with that much determination?!?! She literally stayed silent in that clock for probably hours......and no one was concerned about this kid when Martin was arrested because...?

1:09 - Anyone else impressed with Malcolm’s aim here? Just me?

1:20 - Gil and Malcolm talking about sleep and murder is so freaking sweet. <3 Honestly, they’re acting like friends instead of co-workers and it warms my cold dead heart. 

1:29 - Does Gil become a grumpy old man when he doesn’t get 8 hours sleep? I really want to know now. 

1:39 - OMG. Gil pointing at Ainsley here is hilarious. He’s totally acting like some weird mix of a stern pissed off high-school teacher, and a step-dad trying to discipline an unruly teen. hahaha AND MALCOLM’S FACE. Look how done Malcolm is. He looks so so tired, sad, and exasperated. 

1:44 - Wow. Girl power. Ainsley has those camera guys bending to her will. I honestly would’ve thought they would just read the situation and turn the camera off themselves. 

1:47 - “It’s not a game.” Yikes. I have thoughts about this:

Malcolm is right - it’s not a game. 

Malcolm is a bit of a hypocrite for saying that to Ainsley. Although, to his credit even when Malcolm is excited/inappropriately happy about murder it’s always pretty clear that he thinks murder is wrong, and that he has sympathy for the victims and their families. 

Ainsley does not have that same sympathy for the victims. That much is clear later in this episode. 

Pretty sure the writers are trying to turn Ainsley into a serial killer this season. 

2:13 - “You know I like to share these things with my friends.” .....does this mean Malcolm thinks Dani and JT are his friends now? Last I checked (Ep 1x05) Malcolm didn’t have friends. This absolutely melts my heart. <3 I’m honestly so happy that Malcolm considers someone other than Gil to be his friend.

2:18 - “We lost Dani to vice.” .....What is vice? AND WHAT IS THE REAL LIFE REASON THAT DANI WASN’T IN THIS EPISODE?!? 

2:19 - Edrisa has a medical degree right? She has to know how dangerous consuming that much caffeine is right? Plus aren’t energy drinks super dangerous if you drink a lot of them (or maybe that’s just what adults in my neighbourhood told kids)?

2:30 - Edrisa SHINES in this episode. She’s so funny and awkward and I just love her. 

2:36 - hahaha Gil has adopted the whole team. Look at him throwing the “Dad warning stare” at Edrisa. 

3:31 - Why does Edrisa start bouncing around looking upset when Malcolm says, “rejection is a powerful motivator”?!?! Has she recently been broken up with or something? Is this a reference to how she has a crush on Malcolm (who doesn’t reciprocate)? I WANT MORE INFORMATION.

3:47 - TWIZZLERS!!! <3 Damn I love how this tiny detail about Malcolm’s character keeps coming up. 

3:55 - Ainsley is on a rampage this episode. She’s so determined ...actually she’s acting a lot like Jessica (think girl in the box bracelet). However, unlike Jessica, Ainsley’s motives aren’t about justice or the safety of her loved ones.  Ainsley is chasing personal gain (career) with a side of (a subconscious?) need to be exposed to murder and her father’s twisted world. 

4:05 - This whole interaction between Ainsley and Malcolm is really interesting. Ainsley is knowingly manipulating Malcolm to get the answers she wants. We’ve seen her do it in 2x4 and 1x19. She knows her big brother would do anything for her. It makes sense, they’re five years apart and after the trauma they experienced as children Malcolm felt responsible to protect Ainsley. He never wants to disappoint Ainsley. Not a burden he should’ve had to deal with but I digress. PLUS Malcolm looks weary of Ainsley here. He knows what she’s doing. He’s scared that she’s turning to the dark side. But he still gives her the answers because if he doesn’t - that means something has changed. He thinks that would make Ainsley suspicious and then she might remember what happened to Endicott. He’s scared of and for Ainsley. 

4:32 - OKAY. I’ll say it. The thing that annoys me the most about this episode is that it suggests that Ainsley was a debutant when in 1x6 AINSLEY TELLS MARTIN SHE WAS NEVER A DEBUTANT. She went to etiquette school - I guess that doesn’t strictly mean she also did debutant balls but it sort of suggests it in the context of this episode? Did she actually graduate from the etiquette school (there was bullying, maybe she was expelled/dropped out similar to Malcolm and Remington?)?

4:59 - “No stabbies” OMG. How is this show not classified as a comedy?!? Istg I laugh harder watching this ‘drama’ then I do watching most of the shows that call themselves ‘comedies’.

5:35 - It’s honestly kind of amazing that Ainsley and Malcolm are as ‘sane’ as they are. They were raised by a stubborn predatory psychopath and a stubborn rich meddling socialite. They had no chance of normalcy. Look at the amount of pleasure Martin is currently getting by throwing his son under the bus with regards to Jessica. 

 5:45 - “No actually, I cleaned it up.”.....does this have a dual meaning? Did Martin do something to make Malcolm dispose of the body? We already know that Martin has tried some sort of conditioning on Malcolm (remember ‘C’mon boy!’ from 1x14? The stabbing?). What if Martin said some sort of trigger word to control Malcolm and coerced Malcolm into getting rid of the body? What if this isn’t the first time?

6:05 - Ainsley is a sociopath. I’m calling it again. I called it when I first watched Q&A (1x7) because the way she treated Malcolm was more than just selfish/careless. It was cruel and she didn’t feel any remorse for literally broadcasting her brother’s private health details on television. That is messed up. I honestly won’t be shocked if the writers make Ainsley a full blown serial killers (although I’m not sure I want that because I don’t know how Malcolm would remain the main character if the story goes in that direction?). 

6:12 - Poor Jessica. I honestly feel really bad for her. Sure, she’s a headstrong alcohol dependant crazy rich woman. She also has a good heart. She’s been dealt a pretty shitty hand when it comes to relationships (minus Gil but she ruined that because she’s a MORON) and now she’s terrified that her own children have become monsters and she blames herself. She definitely hasn’t been a perfect mother but I don’t think she’s to blame for Ainsley and Malcolm’s obsession with murder. If these kids had a different bio dad, they would probably just have a low-key drug problem or some other common rich kid baggage. 

6:15 - “You know that’s not how cancer works right?” LOL. hahahaha

6:33 - Martin kind of has a point. There’s no rehab for murder. That’s why he’s been in jail for 20 years and he still wants to kill people. In my opinion, given what we’ve seen of Ainsley’s personality: as soon as she fully remembers that night - she’s gone. She’ll go full serial killer and Jessica and Malcolm will lose her forever. 

6:40 - Jessica’s little jazz hand finger twinkle as she spins on her heel and leaves Martin kills me. It’s so extra. It’s so funny. And it’s sooo Jessica. 

6:47 - Damn. Martin is pissed. I’m worried. That’s murder-level rage. If he escapes ISTG Martin is going to try and kill Gil. For so many reasons 1) because he hates Gil, 2) it’ll hurt Jessica, and 3) killing Gil will eliminate his ‘Dad’ competition. 

6:54 - Edrisa on caffeine is AMAZING.

7:43 - I love Edrisa but her blatant, unreciprocated crush on Malcolm is honestly getting a little creepy. 

7:52 - Gil spent all last season drinking out of a Yankee’s mug. Doesn’t that mean he’s a baseball fan? Why doesn’t he know this pitcher guy?

7:56 - hahahaa “Where is JT?” Because obviously JT is the team sports fan. 

8:22 - Does Gil get nightmares about cases? He always seems really uncomfortable around the dead bodies. 

8:45 - “And suddenly I’m wide awake” SERIOUSLY - is anyone else laughing every 60 seconds when they watch this show? Is my sense of humour just super dark and messed up?

8:54 - YES. The liquorice is BACK.

9:00 - I love Malcolm talking to JT about his obsession with candy. I love how Malcolm doesn’t even hesitate before giving JT an honest answer. Malcolm is acting like JT’s annoying little brother and I am here for it. One thing I did notice though - Malcolm specifically mentions candy+dopamine but doesn’t mention his depression/anxiety. Processed sugar can be a short-term (unhealthy) way to boost your mood. It’s why some people eat their feelings. I really want more backstory about Malcolm with the lollipops and licorice though. 

9:19 - “But you didn’t do anything wrong.” Awwww Malcolm is so soft here. I love how much he genuinely cares about JT. <3 I love how JT is comfortable enough with Malcolm to give him an honest answer. <3 THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GONE THROUGH SUCH A GLOW UP. <3 

9:32 - “Like toy dolls?” hahaha the way Malcolm perked up here. All I could think was “SQUIRREL!” hahaha. 

9:41 - Malcolm is doing better than he has been the past few episodes? I mean he’s still suffering and he’s still in a terrible mental state. BUT he also seems happier? IDK maybe he’s just entered the more manic nervous energy stage of his emotions as opposed to the depressed and scared stage. 

9:49 - “Deep childhood trauma”. So we’re looking for a debutant killer with childhood trauma who is chasing perfection? Debutant = rich lady culture. Like Ainsley. AND Ainsley went to the same etiquette school as the first two victims. The writer’s wanted us to assume the killer was Ainsley for the first 15 mins of this episode right? I’m not the only one seeing it?

10:04 - “My sister went there too.” ....why is there something super attractive about the way that line was delivered?

10:08 - I’m so done with this absolute tom foolery. Why does the team keep splitting up into two teams - where one team is JUST MALCOLM. The one who is unarmed and technically a civilian?!? This makes no logical sense to me (except for plot).

10:25 - Was Martin just about to say, “Just like the old days”?!? Is Martin referring to Endicott? OR is Martin referring to something that Malcolm’s repressed from his childhood?

10:30 - “I always root for the bad guys.” .....finally some truth from Martin.

10:40 - Soooooo I guess Mr. David doesn’t know? I promise you Mr. David has suspicions though. How could he not?!?!

11:24 - “It was brutal for Ains.” Look at how sad Malcolm is! Ugh. This hurts so much. He clearly loves his sister so so much and what she’s done is slowly killing him. I honestly think that part of the reason Malcolm helped Ainsley dispose of the body is that Malcolm doesn’t want to loose his sister. His sister is one of the only good things he’s always been able to count on. If word gets around that she’s a killer - Malcolm’s fragile world gets shattered a little more and I don’t know if Malcolm can recover mentally from that. 

11:36 - “Teasing made her capable of...stuff.” C’MON. There’s no way Mr. David doesn’t know. 

11:45 - Sooo is Martin saying that he recognized that Ainsley was a sociopath when she was a small child? Or did she just respond to his (or John Watkins’) grooming much ‘better’ than Malcolm?

11:56 - “Because she’s her mother’s” Okay. So I see the point. I can see that Ainsley is driven and stubborn like Jessica. BUT it feels like Martin is suggesting that Jessica is capable of murder? Which - I honestly don’t think she is. If anything - Malcolm is more like Jessica than Ainsley is.

11:59 - There was a look in Martin’s eyes when he was comparing Ainsley to Jessica that really freaked me out. I can’t figure out why. It makes me wonder if Martin still somehow views Jessica as ‘his possession’ (he refers to her as his wife all the time but I always assumed that was just to get a rise out of people?). Martin’s dream from 2x4 certainly suggests that he still wants Jessica romantically. I honestly think he’s going to try to escape and rekindle the romance with Jess; and it’s going to go very poorly when Jessica rejects him. 

12:06 - Preach JT. Preach. This is creepy af. 

13:00 - Ugh. Of course this creep has a history of indecent exposure. Now I understand why Gil and JT were hostile with the dude right from the start. 

13:12 - Man. People will use the Bible to justify anything. No wonder people hate Christians ( I say this as a practicing Christian).

13:18 - JT is such a good dude. I’m so glad he’s a dad now. <3 He’s going to be such a good one. <3

13:26 - “One phone call and this place will be shut down.” OH SHIT. GIL THAT IS VICIOUS AND I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

13:35 - I soooo thought that dude was going to sprint out of that room. 

14:30 - THIS. YES. This is why I have a problem with Ainsley’s enthusiasm for murder vs. Malcolm’s. Ainsley’s enthusiasm is centred on her nee to ‘get the story’. She’s obsessed with forwarding her career and as a result she’s treating crime like a competitive sport. Malcolm’s obsession (while it can border on creepy and reckless) is always centred on his need to find the killer and stop the murders. Malcolm is seeking justice and his heart is in the right place. I can’t say the same for Ainsley.

14:31 - “We’re brother and sister, everything is a competitive sport”.....whoever wrote this doesn’t have a sibling they experienced trauma with as a kid (and as a result was raised by a single parent). Seriously, my dad was abusive he lived with us until I was 10 and my brother was 7. Then my parents got divorced and my mom was a single parent (he didn’t pay child support or see his kids after the divorce). Are my brother and I competitive? Sure sometimes. But the way we grew up forced us to become partners. Annoyed with Mom? Let’s rant about it together. Is he struggling in math? I’ll tutor him in exchange for a Reese cup. Am I struggling at daycare because I have massive social anxiety? He’ll include me in whatever he’s doing so I’m not sitting alone in a corner. My point: siblings who experience trauma together don’t have the typical sibling relationships that are widely televised in North America. There’s a lot less fighting and competition and a lot more teaming up and commiserating. 

14:39 - “It. It’s terrible.” - Notice how Ainsley didn’t actually say how it made her feel? She gave the standard “TV response” to a murder “a terrible/horrific/tragedy has occurred”. She doesn’t feel bad that these women are dead. She’s too consumed with getting a story to even stop and let herself feel anything. I’ve been saying it since last season - the way Ainsley shows no regard for other people and their feelings when she’s obsessed with her job is concerning. 

14:50 - “Remind me of the people who cut us off after Dad’s arrest.” ...Are you kidding me?!? The whole fandom has been speculating about this since early season one and they’re not going to elaborate on that line?!? I’m going to need some more information about this and it better be in the upcoming episode where Jessica’s younger sister appears. 

15:40 - She thinks of her students as family? Sooo what does she think of Ainsley? Wasn’t Ainsley bullied at this school? Did she do anything about it? 

16:00 - this is like a ‘weekend/evening school’ right? Kids aren’t living in this house like a boarding school/summer camp?

16:01 - “Mr. Whitly” UGH. This bitch preaches etiquette and she doesn’t even have the common courtesy to call Malcolm by the name with which he introduced himself? Nah. I don’t like her. 

16:13 - Ugh. Ainsley, seriously? Why don’t you help your brother solve the case. AND PREVENT MORE MURDERS. Why are you indirectly but purposely obstructing justice?

16:37 - “Of course.” Huh. Do you think Martin might try and manipulate Ainsley into killing Malcolm? Ainsley definitely capable of it. She doesn’t actually seem to care about Malcolm nearly as much as he cares about her. 

17:17 - WTF?!? That’s creepy af. How did no one in this show think this assistant was a suspect? She has a super creepy doll that she ‘forgot’ on the floor the middle of a hallway. AND THE DOLL WAS STANDING UP. Not sitting, not dropped carelessly, STANDING UP.

17:30 - Look at Malcolm’s face. He’s definitely going to be having nightmares about that doll. 

18:25 - OMG. This was amazing. JT just totally bulldozed his way into catching that dude. Very badass. Also kind of funny (maybe that’s just my messed up sense of humour again?).

18:44 - Ugh. This dude has a thing for dolls. I don’t want to kink shame but - no. no. There’s something really gross about that.  

18:48 - I’ve seen some people say that this doll looks like Ainsley and how that’s supposed to be some sort of foreshadowing/symbolism. I kind of see it? I mean the hair colour is similar and if you pause the screen at 18:48 the angle kind of looks like Ainsley? It would be an interesting metaphor though - Ainsley played with dolls as a little girl. John Watkins gave her angel statues. She is Watkins’ and Martin’s doll’ in the sense that she was the object that murders manipulated/groomed. 

18:53 - Then again, pause the screen here and there’s something about the facial structure that looks like Dani to me. 

19:00 - Jessica lets Ainsley work in the murder office?!? No. No she doesn’t. This is garbage. Jessica would’ve forbade it. Jessica would’ve bordered up this room immediately after Watkins.

19:57 - Poor Jessica. She’s clearly terrified that she’s losing Ainsley and terrified of Ainsley. BUT Jess, sweetie, running to Europe won’t fix this. 

20:16 - “She wanted the dolls to look like her students.” AND PEOPLE SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO HER?!? WTF?!? NO. NO. NO. NOT OKAY. 

20:31 - HAHA look at Gil’s face when Trevor tells him he can make the ‘perfect woman’. Gil’s like WTF - can I arrest you for thinking you can fabricate a ‘perfect woman’?!!?

21:06 - Malcolm is having so much fun playing with Trevor’s doll head. Look at how excited he is. It’s kind of adorable but his manic energy is showing which is concerning. 

21:10 - Why is Trevor giving his doll fancy 1940s(ish) names? 

21:31 - Props to LDP. I honestly believed Gil was annoyed with Malcolm for barging in on the interrogation the first time I watched this. 

21:42 - “They got a word for everything.” hahaha OMG. This is so reminiscent of a teenager explaining some new tech to their tech-illiterate parents. 

22:00 - I can’t tell if Gil feels sorry for this creep or if he just thinks the dude is really gross. Probably a mixture. 

23:00 - Oh we’re bringing up the chloroform again. At least Malcolm knows not listen to Martin about this nonsense. 

23:25 - “It doesn’t feel fun.” - THIS. This is why I honestly don’t think Malcolm will ever become a serial killer. His guilt complex is just too big.

23:56 - Are. You. Kidding. Me? This is next level. Ainsley is so out of line here. AND SHE SHOWS NO REMORSE. SHE DOESN’T THINK SHE’S DONE ANYTHING WRONG. THIS GIRL HAS GONE DARK SIDE (she was already halfway there).

24:17 - I’m getting papa!Gil vibes when Gil is talking to Ainsley and I want more scenes of them interacting. Seriously, did Gil have a relationship with Ainsley when she was a kid? I MUST KNOW.

24:45 - Ainsley has no conscience. I honestly don’t think Ainsley has a conscience. 

25:00 - “Who is that!?” Malcolm is totally acting like he’s Ainsley’s father-figure right now. I’m here for it. 

25:22 - SORE LOSERS?!? I’m sorry. What? If you weren’t concerned about Ainsley you damn well should be now. That is seriously messed up. People are dead. This is not a game. Do you know who else thought murder was a game? Martin Whitly.

25:31 - Okay. Ainsley has a point. Malcolm lecturing anyone about being reckless is pretty hypocritical. But at least Malcolm cares about her. 

25:54 - Heart. Shattered. Look at how terrified Jessica is. Look at how gentle and reassuring Gil is. UGh. WHY DID SHE BREAK UP WITH HIM??! I mean, I know why I just think she’s a moron for doing it. 

26:00 - Poor Gil. He’s so confused and so concerned. The whole Whitly family is acting crazier then usual and he doesn’t know why. 

26:11 - “Both you and Malcolm are at an 11 and I’ve never seen Ainsley like that.” FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO CARES LIKE GIL AND NEVER LET HIM GO. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Seriously. The love and concern he shows for this family warms my cold dead heart. 

26:16 - “Her father?!” Oh shit. Now Gil knows there’s something BIG happening. Jessica would never run to Martin unless she absolutely had to. 

26:19 - annnnd Gil’s also being a prideful man who’s feeling are hurt. “You went to him?” He’s right to be though - the woman he loves went to a serial killer for advice before going to the guy who practically co-parented with her. 

26:33 - “I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m here.” <3 <3 Gil is the definition of a good man. <3 I’m in love with it. 

26:48 - “You were right on time for me.” ....*snort* subtle Gil (and in front of JT!!)

27:08 - Edrisa is hysterical on caffeine. hahaha. This whole scene is perfect. 

27:20 - You know someone is acting manic when Malcolm Bright is concerned about their eccentric behaviour. 

27:34 - Annnnnd Tom Payne was a split second from breaking character here. I don’t blame him. hahaha

28:05 - EDRISA flipping and dropping that pencil. HAHAHAHAHAHA

29:10 - “Absolutely not.” hahaha this is funny but also really sweet. Malcolm knows that Edrisa hopped up on caffeine isn’t safe to have near an active killer. Who knows what’ll happen. I wish he’d care that much about his own well being. Looks like calling for backup last episode was a one time thing. 

30:37 - I’ll give the writers one thing - Miss Windsor makes a convincing murder suspect.

31:22 - GIL. STANDING. UP. FOR. JT. IS. EVERYTHING. Where is O’Malley’s back up? Oh yeah, they’re not brave enough to defend him.

32:00 - Huh. Bright texted for backup. This is growth. I’m proud of him. 

32:15 - YES. This JT arc was handled right. Sure JT could’ve complained. It would’ve been episodes upon episodes of bureaucratic nightmares and injustice. This show isn’t about racism. They showed enough to portray that the system is broken and they had JT act like a responsible adult. It’s not fair that JT had to go through this or that he’ll likely experience something similar to it again. But the fact that JT is acting like a bigger person is perfect. JT will protect his family. Always. That includes Malcolm. So JT avoids putting through a formal complaint because he knows that will take time away from doing his job, from protecting others, from hanging out with his wife and kid. JT’s taking the higher road, it might not be gratifying or fair but I respect the hell out of him for taking it. 

32:28 - Gil is so so proud of JT. Look at him. <3 <3 

33:40 - Look, Miss Windsor is a bit of a stuck up bitch but she has a good heart. Look at the way she immediately tells Malcolm where Ainsley is when she realizes what’s happening. 

34:14 - This confused me during the first watch - Ainsley obviously didn’t drink any tea - so why is she drugged? (obviously I know now). 

34:17 - Big brother Malcolm frantically looking for Ainsley is so so sweet. <3 

35:42 - The music, the dolls, and Miss Windsor’s speech here. There’s something about this part of the episode that is strangely reminiscent of 5x16 of Criminal Minds.

36:20 - ......does Miss Windsor have some sort of mental illness? She’s talking to herself and ranting erratically. Is this just emotional stress or something deeper?

37:00 - This is why Malcolm’s not a serial killer. Even now- looking at a killer - he’s trying to sympathize with her. He’s trying to understand why. He’s trying to calm her down, diffuse the threat, and get her mental help. 

39:00 - Oh yeah. Ainsley was definitely going to kill without remorse. Again. I’ve seen some theories that Ainsley only ever tries to kill to protect Malcolm. I disagree. I think Ainsley’s trying to protect herself. Ainsley is pissed off that this girl tried to drug her and kill her because she thinks Ainsley is wicked. Ainsley was pissed at Endicott for whatever he did to Ainsley before Malcolm got there. I think Ainsley felt threatened and scared so she reacted. I don’t think this has anything to do with protecting Malcolm.

39:41 - Malcolm isn’t a killer. Look. He smells gas but he takes the time to carry an unconscious murderer (who literally just tried to kill his sister) out of the building. 

40:00 - The drama. Holy hell. What a weird ending to this case.

40:48 - Who gave Ainsley a police jacket and let her keep it?

41:14 - She almost died and she’s still obsessing over ‘winning’. This is seriously unstable behaviour. Way more concerning than anything Malcolm’s done since 2x1. 

41:45 - “My father was a serial killer also.” Anyone else super irritated by that phrasing?!?  Just me?!? Something about the ‘also’ feels super wrong to me.

41:53 - Oh sweetie. I’d argue that you are more messed up than Malcolm. 

42:06 - Jessica went to see Martin twice in one episode. THIS IS BAD.

42:15 - “Maybe even more so than Malcolm if that’s possible.” Jessica knows her kids. I’m on her side here. 

42:20 - Martin is way too happy about Ainsley showing signs of serial killing. 

42:30 - Jessica? You married an act. That man never existed. He’s always been a serial killer. You just didn’t know it. He’s manipulative and you were a victim to it. 

42:50 - “A partner.” OH THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL. ESPECIALLY FOR THE GIL/JESSICA ARC.

Okay....so definitely the weakest episode of the season so far. AND the fact that we got no mention of Tally and/or the baby this episode is a crime. 

BUT I’M SO SO SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE. It’s going to be a televised fanfic and I can’t wait. 

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Soft Walls and Roses- Fusion AU

Ao3,   Masterpost,   More of this AU

I think this is my first AU wow,,, So yeah this is definitely just the first installment. It can be read as a stand-alone, but I do intend on writing more with a couple of other fusions later! And then we’ll see how it goes from there. Essentially this is just a series where i get to describe a lot of cool things because descriptions are fun for me and i don’t get to do them enough. Hope u like it :3

Relationships: Royality, mentioned platonic logicality and platonic logince.

Warnings: Lots of Prose (seriously i went insane i think, this is flowery and sappy as hell), Remus makes a sex joke at one point, there is a small argument, food mention. Idk this one’s just sweet and unrelentingly fluffy.

Word Count: 3,216

Daylight streamed in through the wide windows, casting golden and bright beams across the carpeted floor and the various pieces of furniture. The patches of light were warm, comfortably so, and there wasn’t a cloud to disrupt it. Such perfect weather conditions were only mirroring the sunshine out in the real world, but Roman couldn’t help but feel that it was made especially to fit the mood in the Mindpalace. That was to say; sunny and blanketing. 

Music lilted through the living room and kitchen, a cheery little ditty chosen by Patton. It was pleasant, melodic, and not too loud to disturb the peace. Though this ‘Ingrid Michaelson’ woman wasn’t exactly Roman’s usual taste, he couldn’t help the bright smile that curved on his lips at the tunes. 

‘Relaxing days’ were a mostly foreign concept to the Sides of Sander. Someone was always either a), stressed out of their mind with work, or b), starting arguments and generally being disruptive. But today was a miracle, a dreamy noon wherein everyone was happy and sociable with each other. A once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence that everyone was keen to take advantage of, all six of them spread out in the common room to enjoy each other’s company. 

Logan was sitting on the couch, enthusiastically infodumping with Janus, the subject of the discussion requiring many big words and drawn-out sentences to explain (most of which sort of gave Roman a headache trying to think about, so he mostly tuned them out). Remus was lounging almost calmly on the floor by the two left-brained traits’ feet, an enormous sketchbook propped up on the coffee table in front of him. He interjected into the conversation constantly with irrelevant and explicit additions, but nobody seemed to mind letting him lead them on tangents. Virgil had twisted into one of his contortionist-esque positions in the corner of the couch, his headphones stuck over his ears. Occasionally he’d slip one side back, listen briefly to the current topic, chip in some snarky comment, and then go back into his own little world. But regardless, he was still offering his presence, which was well enough. 

Then finally, there was Patton. He flitted between the kitchen and the living room, swaying with the songs and singing along without much care what key he was in. He smiled so wide that his already prevalent smile lines were surely deepening even more, his eyes pushed so far up in the corners that it seemed cartoonish as the light glinted off his big, square glasses. The mouth-watering aroma of whatever it was he was baking filled both rooms, something rich and chocolatey with just a hint of lemon. 

Patton wore a stained apron overtop his soft-colored clothes, all of which were bulky and the precise opposite of form-fitting. He was the furthest thing from a fashion icon in that respect, but the way he didn’t seem to care either way rendered that fact entirely irrelevant; he looked perfect. His pitchy singing only quieted when he jumped into the conversation with a handful of jokes, which Roman always laughed at (even though he definitely wasn’t paying enough attention to understand any of them. Needless to say, he was a little distracted). 

Beautiful, adorable, precious, and countless other flattering adjectives were the words Roman would use to describe Patton in that moment. And most other moments. God, he was practically perfect in every way, wasn’t he?

The wonderful day, the lively company, and Roman’s own overwhelming affection for his oblivious friend swirled together in an almost painful surge of emotion in the Creative side. It filled up his chest, pushing hard against his ribs and making him feel even more brainless than usual. His heart felt more breakable than glass, but it only served to remind Roman that the object of his affections would never take advantage and break it, making the feeling more of a comfort than a concern.

In the end Roman could not bear the emotion quietly, rising to his feet and striding across the room as theatrically as he could. He was bursting into song before he knew it, thankfully familiar enough with the lyrics of Time Machine to belt it out like he was on a stage. 

Virgil slipped one headphone off his ear just long enough to groan at Roman, tossing a throw pillow in his vague direction.

“Dude, chill, can’t you just be happy without being loud?”

Roman shrugged, stopping in his path to the kitchen to lean over his best friend and tap the volume button on his headphones. 

“If it bothers you such, feel free to drown me out!”

Virgil hissed at him, but he was already waltzing away.

Roman slipped through the open wall and onto the kitchen counter, sliding along it elegantly, hopping down to stand near the stove.

The side spun around with a grin and a laugh, silencing his own mumbled version of the lyrics at Roman’s much louder singing. 

As he fell into place beside Patton- gorgeous, giggly Patton- an instrumental hit.

“Dance with me?” Roman asked in a slow, sultry voice (determinedly ignoring the laughing and groaning from the other sides as they overheard), his hand outstretched to the breath-taking creature before him.

“Oh, I'd love to, Roman, but the batter-”

“We can wait a little longer for sweet treats, Patton Dear- dance with me!”

Patton bit his lip through a smile, round eyes flitting between the oven and Roman himself. After trying and failing miserably to look reluctant, he huffed a little laugh and turned the oven off, shoving the batter-filled pan to the back of the counter. Roman watched as he moved, keeping his arm out and a charming smirk on his lips. 

Patton turned back around. He met his gaze. And he placed his hand in Roman’s. 

The response was immediate as Roman swept Patton up in his arms. It was surely a humorous sight, Roman leading the dance even though he was much shorter than Patton, but he was perfectly aware that if he let the taller being lead then they'd both be tripping over their feet in mere seconds. 

Roman twirled them around the small kitchen, crooning along to the peppy little love song that had replaced the previous number. Patton was making a good effort to sing along, but he wasn’t getting many words out through his laughter. Roman hardly minded the tunelessness, as long as he was graced with the sound and sight of that exuberant giggle. 

The limited space grew to be too little quickly for the pair, who’s movements got more flowy and circular. Clumsily, they maneuvered into the living room, dancing around the coffee table with some struggle. 

“Do you two have to do that in here?” Logan sent them a half-hearted glare, clearly not that annoyed with the display- but if there was one thing he was good at, it was acting aloof. 

Roman scrunched his face at the logical side, twirling Patton with a flourish out of spite.  Logan rolled his eyes, turning back to his and Janus’ (and to a lesser extent, Remus’) debate. 

Patton and Roman continued to dance, carefully avoiding the minefield of furniture and discarded items on the floor, for a good few minutes. Just as what would be their third song began, Patton brought them to a stop.

“Can I lead? Just for a second, I wanna do something!”

Roman quirked a brow, a confused smile on his lips. His curiosity nearly took control, desperate to ask what Patton meant, but at the look in Patton’s eyes he got the distinct impression that he wouldn’t want the surprise to be spoiled. 

With a decisive nod, Roman moved his hands from the sides hips to rest on his shoulders. Patton’s hands settled on Roman’s waist with a secure grip. Patton took a breath, a determined and focused look crossing his face as he went through the steps. One, two, three, a twirl, one, two, three, and then-

And then Patton dipped him.

Roman wrapped his arms around Patton’s shoulders instinctively, a startled laugh bubbling up from his throat. He needn't have worried about being dropped, though, as Patton's strong arms curved tight and supportive around him, cradling him desperately near to the moral trait’s chest. 

Warmth flooded Roman, starting in his sternum and spreading out, out, outwards, so much so that he could barely hold it all. His skin was flushed hot, especially in the places where Morality touched it. Along with the physical heat, there was also the almost painful adoration burning in him- and that smug little smile on Patton's face, slowly slipping into something softer and sweeter, Lord. It was too much to handle, and Roman felt like he was losing himself in it. His mind felt fuzzy and his body light-weight, blissfully unaware of his surroundings. Oh, he was just glowing, basking in it. 

No, wait- he was glowing. Literally! 

Actually, no, he wasn’t glowing, Patton was! No, both of them were? Or was it just one? No- yes- but then, there was only one of them. Where was Patton- no, Roman?

He opened his eyes, a gasp escaping him. 

Who was he?

He was tall, certainly taller than Roman, but even taller than Patton, too. He could just reach up and touch the ceiling if he really wanted, pressing his full palm against it. His four full palms, actually, that were attached to his four full arms. One set in the usual place, the second set placed just below them. God- nuh-uh!- Goodness, he was something else. 

His hands were big and flat, with thick, stubby fingers. That matched his general physique indeed, as despite his height he was very wide. His stomach was round and prominent, his thighs even bigger, and even his arms were flabby. But all of the fat was very obviously sitting over impressive muscles- if he flexed, there surely wouldn’t be a part of him that wasn’t sturdy and stiff. Considering that Patton and Roman were the two bulkiest sides, that wasn’t exactly shocking.

His outfit was ornate- and yet it was remarkably soft, falling in waves of fabric down his body, but clinging in all the appropriate places. Sheer, pale-blue sleeves hung well past his hands, slits running up the inside of them all the way to the elbow. The transparent material revealed smatters of freckles all over his skin, right down to the backs of his hands. 

His sleeves connected to an eggshell-white blouse, which sported shining golden buttons about the chest and collar. There was a shining yellow belt, then, from beneath which spilled a flowing and slightly ruffled white skirt. This, too, was accented with golden buttons looping around the hem. The brown leather tips of his shoes were just visible from underneath it. And the final component to the ensemble was his scarf, plush, hugging around his neck and shoulders, the color a deep crimson, shot through with streaks and speckles of gray. 

He was engrossed in his new form, examining himself with a seemingly ever-growing self-love. It took him quite a while to notice the hush that had fallen over the room, brought on by his presence. 

He glanced up with a start, seeing four pairs of incredulous eyes trained on him. 

“Oh, um,” he offered a small wave, “Hi?”

There was a beat.

Janus was the first to reply, stone-faced and blunt:

“What the fuck.”

“Yeah, I second that?” Virgil had pulled his headphones down around his neck, sitting up normally for once, posed tense as if he were about to stand. 

He- what was his name? He really ought to have one, seeing as he existed now!- Well, regardless, The Currently-Unnamed Side cleared his throat. He stood up a little straighter, flashing a wide smile for his audience. If he was going to be anything, it would be someone who made an excellent first impression. 

“Goodness gracious- it is just a pleasure to meet all of you! I’d really love to get to know you all better, but first I would really like to get to know myself. What am I, exactly?”

Logan jumped to his feet at once, his eyes sparkling like little stars. He was across the room and inspecting Currently-Unnamed in just a few long strides, pulling at the side’s arms and examining his face. He even pushed up C.U.’s oversized glasses to get a closer look at his eyes.

C.U. politely allowed the poking and prodding, knowing that Logan would probably be able to explain the situation. (Ah! There was one thing to know about himself; he admired Logan greatly.) 

The rest of the sides had gathered, one-by-one, to form a semi-circle around the new entity. They kept a respectful distance- well, mostly. Remus deigned to walk right up and audibly sniff C.U., which he was not a fan of (part of him was annoyed, but another, louder part of himself felt strongly amicable towards the trait. He’d have to talk more to his sibling- half-sibling?- later, then.)

The stunned silence was growing to be a bit awkward, as was all of the scrutiny C.U. faced. On one hand: attention!!!! On the other hand: attention… 

“You,” Logan spoke at last, an air of importance in his tone, “Seem to be some sort of fusion created between Patton and Roman.”

There was a respectable amount of gasping.

“A fusion?!” C.U. exclaimed, as though it hadn’t been so very obvious what he was, “We can do that?!”

“Evidently,” Logan was barely hiding his own excitement at the situation, smiling widely. 

“Oh- Oh my gosh! That’s awesome! I’m awesome! And awe-inspiring! And- and- and-” he sucked in a deep, gasping breath, and the word appeared in his mind as clear as a neon sign, “PATRON!”

“... Patron?” Janus muttered, looking him over appraisingly. 

“Yes, it’s a name- my name! That’s my name,” Patron confirmed with a nod, grinning broadly at nothing in particular. 

“We need to find out more about this,” Logan summoned a small notebook and pencil, flipping it open with one hand. “Now, given that we’re imaginary figments, it’s entirely possible that this is a result of Thomas’ affection for the show Steven Universe. It could be that his obsession incidentally resulted in granting us these, ah, abilities, via him subconsciously projecting elements of the show onto us. Or, it could be viewed as an extension of our abilities to shapeshift! Perhaps there’s more-”

“TEACH ME HOW TO DO IT!” Remus howled at Patron, draping himself over the much taller being. Patron gave him an indulging smile- it was only slightly strained- and opened his mouth to say he didn’t exactly know how he’d managed to fuse. 

“Wait,” Virgil interrupted, “How do we know if this is safe? What if they get stuck that way and we can’t get them out?”

“Well, the best way to figure it out is to study it, which is what I was saying,” Logan gestured to his little notebook.

“I’m just not sure about this.”

“When are you sure about anything?” Janus snarked, earning a hiss from Virgil. He hissed back, and it was unclear if it was playful or actually aggressive. Both sides then devolved into making senseless feral sounds at each other, disrupting pretty much any chance of civil conversation. 

“Who cares if it’s safe?” Remus spoke, mostly to himself, “It looks like fun.”

“It would benefit us to learn how it works before we-”

“That takes time, though-”

There was a particularly shrill hiss from Janus, exacerbating both of the budding arguments. It was headache-inducing.

“Okay!” Patron said, his voice surprisingly commanding. Immediately the squabbling silenced, the others looking guiltily in his direction. He coughed, suddenly unsure how to use this newfound power.  “Okay…” What was he saying? Oh, right- “You guys can keep arguing about me, if you wanna, but I think I’m going to go get to know myself a little better, before worrying about- any of that, actually.”

He extricated himself from the group. 

“Ooohh, get to know yourself, you say?” Remus winked. 

Patron was torn between laughing or maybe kicking him, so he settled for a nice middle ground.

“Shut up,” he slowly sunk out, “Please,” he added politely, as he left the living room behind him entirely. 

The room he rose up in was foreign and familiar in conjunction. He knew, immediately, that this was his home- one that had existed for about three seconds, but a home nonetheless. 

It felt like a dream. 

Happiness washed over Patron as soon as he arrived, it felt like walking on clouds. His vision was pleasantly hazy as he looked over the comfy-cozy room, filled to every corner with wonderful plush furniture. Every surface was patterned with flowers and lace and gold; every bit of them was as soft as loose spools of cotton and fluff. 

Patron went wide-eyed as he took it all in, smelling sweet candy, fresh roses, and earth. Almost unconsciously, he fell onto a loveseat, curling himself up in the pillows and blankets arranged on it. The lights were warm and soft, casting the room in a bubblegum-pink glow. Somewhere, distantly, music played.

“Oh, this is so pretty,” he whispered to himself. It didn’t feel like just himself, though. 

He couldn’t remember the last time either of his components had felt this way. This particular brand of contentment. The polar opposite of lonely. He felt… loved.

Patron laughed softly to himself, and it was a melody.

“I guess that answers that,” he laced his hands together, both sets, “You must adore each other, for me to love being me as much as I do.”

He imagined that the ‘revelation’ would embarrass the stuffing out of his components. They might be shy of each other, even. But, whole as he was, there was really no need to feel any embarrassment when he knew perfectly both of their perspectives. Yet again, Patton and Roman find a short-cut that means they don’t have to actually talk about their feelings! 

He laughed again, mostly at his own expense. 

“There’s one mystery solved,” Patron hummed, laying his head down upon the arm of the loveseat. His glasses were knocked up on his face, ones that he was only half-used to having, so he took them off and carefully placed them on the coffee table. It was already littered with various other objects; bright pink and pastel blue fidget toys, small bottles of nail polish, adult coloring books, small ceramic animal figurines- all of which he found himself immediately affectionate about.

Every item in the room seemed to give him a little bit more information about himself. Little things he knew intrinsically that he adored, things that hinted at his dislikes, tiny contradictions everywhere. It was almost overwhelming.

Patron huffed out a breath, sinking his fingers into foamy pillows beneath him. Before he knew it, his near-sighted eyes had fallen closed. He thought that, perhaps, it would be nice to learn about himself on his own terms. To take things slow. 

There would likely be a lot to figure out when he unfused, but unfortunately/fortunately for Patron, both of his components were quite the procrastinators, content to bask in this for as long as they wanted.

(I feel I should say that it’s pronounced “PAH-tron” not like the actual word patron haha.)

Taglist: @shrimp-crockpot @glitter-skeleton-uwu @donnieluvsthings @intruxiety @thefivecalls @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @gayformlessblob 

[fullsunalicia]

ooh idk if requests are open, but if they are could you write a sort of spin off to the tale older than time for jaemin??? bECAUSE YES SON OF EROS FALLING IN LOVE AND HIM NOT SEEING IT COMING?? yes pls,,,,oh and if you ever plan on making it a series with all the dreamies as demigods i will literally worship you and set up a temple for you !! you write so well !!

love and war - NJM

maybe the fates mixed something up when they tied the red string of the daughter of ares to eros’ son instead of aphrodite’s, but jaemin wasn’t complaining. after all, it was love at first sight, and eros is the next-best thing, right?

son of eros!jaemin x daughter of ares!y/n

hello my love! yes, they’re open, so request away as much as you’d like! thank you for this one, i hope you will enjoy it 🤍 also, that sounds really intriguing! for you, i will go ahead and try to write a greek mythology au for every dreamie 🤍 but i’ll have to say that no matter how many temples you build for me, i’ll build dozens more for you! thank you so much for your kind words bubs 🥺

Jaemin was used to playing matchmaker.

Not once did the students on campus flock to the children of Aphrodite when they needed help with love, even though Jaehyun was literally right there. They trusted Eros and his genes, because everyone knew the story of Psyche and wished to find a love like theirs.

Sure, he bended the rules a little bit when he helped Jeno... but what the Fates don’t know, shouldn’t bother them, right?

Little does Jaemin know that they’ve decided to take Na Jaemin’s love life into their very own hands. Somewhere in Greece, up high on a mountain, Cloto, Lachesis and Atropos are having the time of their lifes tying little (y/n)’s red string to Jaemin’s. Not even his father can hinder them, because Jaemin knowingly broke the rules.

They’d like to see how Jaemin would manage with the ill-tempered, hot-headed (y/n), demi-goddess, Ares’ pride and joy.

After all, you’ve never fallen in love.

❀ ❀ ❀

There’s a reason why your knuckles are split open nearly every week.

One look at the you and everyone determines that you must be really weak. Frail, pushed aside almost too easily. You hide it well, because the second they under-estimate you, they’re already dead. (l/n) (y/n) looks nothing like her elder siblings, but you pack quite the punch. It’s the golden, godly blood flowing in your veins that throws in that extra swing, just the amount of strength needed to break someone’s jaw. That’s a blessing only the children of Ares possess - there is not a single fight they ever lose, or at least lose immediately. They were born to conquer, fight and win, meant to be leaders, warriors and protectors.

So when some assholes on campus make your best friend Yuqi uncomfortable, you’re the first to start the brawl. It’s really not your fault those jerks couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. If a girl says no several times and they still can’t accept it, they’ll just have to sort it out with your fists.

You’re not like your father. You don’t actively search for fights, even though there’s nothing that makes you feel more alive than a well-delivered kick or the satisfying feeling of bones cracking beneath your grip. You inherited the love for a good fight, but not the stupidity to look for it at every corner. There’s a hot temper boiling beneath your skin, but you keep it in check pretty well. Unless of course someone bothers Yuqi. That’s something different entirely and you welcome that particular red haze every time it comes.

“Please, please stop hurting yourself for me,” Yuqi begs you as she holds your bandaged hands tightly in her own. You see no reason in putting band-aids on them, but your best friend can’t live with herself if she can’t atleast treat your wounds, so you let her do her thing every time. “I wish you’d just let someone else do it. You know it’s not possible to win every time, (y/n), you’re a daughter of Ares, not the god themself.”

“I warned them not to touch you.” The shrug of your shoulders only upsets Yuqi more. “That was their own fault. I’m not standing aside to someone bothering and harrassing you like that. Not until someone else does it for me, like a future boy- or girlfriend.”

“I’m straight.”

“You’re lying to yourself.”

Yuqi laughs, pink blush settling on her cheeks. You’re only joking, but you know she ponders over that thought, her beautiful mind wrapping itself around the fact that Yuqi was still discovering herself. Her wisdom shone through every thing she said, and she was a good match to you as a daughter of Athene. She was the brains, you the some-what muscle. Even though your parents couldn’t stand each other, Yuqi and you loved each other like sisters.

The girl reaches out to brush your hair out of your sight, then she interlocks your fingers and pulls you forward. Weirdly, you adore skinship. The feeling of a warm body beneath your touch, living, breathing. Not in the violent way. In the sense of finding something and using as an anchor. A heartbeat did so much more than telling yourself to calm down. A smile, a heartfelt spoken sentence. You were as easily to calm down as any other demigod, even though it takes a little bit more than others.

You crave touch. Meaning. Or as they said in Mulan - a guy worth fighting for, even though you’ve never fallen in love.

Butterflies have never lived in your stomach, and you never get weak in the knees because of someone. Sure, you blush a good amount of times when you are complimented and hugged, but never once did that feeling expand into something romantic. It was ... disappointing.

Maybe you weren’t mean to fall in love. You’re only a pawn in the battleground your father laid out for you.

Across the room, Na Jaemin looks you in the face and feels his heart skip several beats.

❀ ❀ ❀

You’re perfect.

That’s the only word Jaemin’s head can offer as he looks at you, his heart seems to tremble in his chest at the sight of your pure smile. It’s not even directed at him, for fuck’s sake. But still, you are so lovely, and he almost stands up to walk over you. He’s Jaemin; if you’re born to break bones, he was born to flirt.

Almost. He decides against it, because of one single reason.

Jaemin has fallen in love several times. But he’s never met a soulmate before, and especially not his own. It’s different, the flower that begins to bloom in his heart for you, different from anything else in the world and only distinctive to children of love. Forget-me-nots, gardenias and cherry blossoms, they all settle in his heart, waiting for you to pluck them and make them yours. He doesn’t want anyone else to have them but you, and it didn’t matter if you are going to tear them apart or treasure them.

He had asked his father before, if soulmates were real. Not a very serious question, but nonetheless still spoken out of curiousity. Jaemin sees relationships like an outstander, able to change and fix, more than easy to manipulate. Love is unsure, it can never be caged. It’s meant to be free. Undeciding. Unraveling.

“They’re real,” Eros had responded. “Of course they are. There is a little truth in every myth. I don’t know if they’re really the people who were conjoined and cut apart by Zeus and his cowardice. But every once in a while, the Fates sit down and meddle with our business, for a relationship made in the stars. It’s not common, son. I haven’t seen them for a long time.”

And yet here you are.

He’s heard about you. That Ares girl, the one who’s so over-protective of a certain chinese business student.

He wonders if you attend NCT parties often.

❀ ❀ ❀

Yuqi doesn’t want you to go to parties. She says your temper explods too fast whenever you have a swig too much and she doesn’t know how to control an angry, intoxicated demigod. Everybody knows that whenever an Ares child is involved in a fight, someone ends up in the hospital. As a consequence, you are rarely offered a drink.

The only reason you attend parties is to watch your friends and/or play designated driver. That’s why you’re standing in this kitchen you’ve never been in clutching a glass of ice tea, and not the whiskey you’ve been eyeing across the table for half an hour now. It’s a shame, really. Drunk you is always so funny. People were denied of that show by Yuqi’s rule against getting drunk in public. Every fifteen minutes, she sends you a checking glance, and you’re still sober every time she does.

Na Jaemin is not. He’s not drunk, really, just buzzed, and that’s enough liquid courage he needs to approach you. The smile adorning his lips makes your stomach flip in an unknown way, and you let him approach you, curious of what he’s planning to do. “You’re not drinking,” he states inquisitively, free hand pointing at your alcohol-free cup. “Don’t like getting drunk?”

“Oh, I do. But I tend to beat people up when I do.” You sigh, crossing your arms in front of your chest, hoping that your silly heart would catch the drift and stop beating at multiple hundred miles an hour. He’s so stunning; This must be what Adonis had looked like, there’s no other explanation. The dazzling smile, the honest eyes that let you see every corner of his soul willingly. Not a single wall pulled up to protect himself. “But you seem to be having fun.”

“Only a little,” he laughs. That sound does wonders to your heart. You also wonder what the hell is going on with you. “But not too much, you know how we Eros children can get when the alcohol hits at once. Not a nice sight.”

“Can’t believe anything that has do with you not being a nice sight.”

The pick-up line is spoken with confidence, yet your cheeks heat up in an instant. Jaemin gauges your reaction, and his fingers twitch. He wants to cradle your face and take you up to his room to show you what else kind of sights he offers. And somehow at the same time, he kind of wants to squish your cheeks and run his fingers through your hair. Very conflicting. Jaemin tends to feel too much, too fast.

But with you, everything moves smoothly. Meant to be. Like the universe had mapped this out a long time ago.

“You’re cute,” he tells you, liking the way you shyly lower your gaze. He cannot possibly imagine you punching someone in the face, but he likes the fervor and passion he finds in your eyes. Love and war are very similar. It’s the first thing Jaemin was ever taught.

He tugs at your fingers, and you don’t stop him when he curls his pinky around yours. “Come on. Let’s do something fun.”

The house is stuffed with people who are trying to have a good time. Jaemin takes you deeper into it, leading you towards a group of people you recognize, but don’t actually know. Amazingly, they were playing billiard in their drunken state, and even though most of them have been drinking for a long time, they still hit their targets dead-on. You join them, and the entire night, Jaemin doesn’t move from your side. He wraps an arm around your shoulders and your waist every once in a while but other than that, he respects your boundaries and follows the game intently, pouting when he loses and grinning smugly when something goes his way.

Jaemin throwing his head back in laughter is the most ethereal thing you’ve ever seen in life. He sets off electric currents in your veins, the very same ones you chased every time you were fighting someone.

Is this what a crush feels like?

❀ ❀ ❀

Jaemin decides that the perfect way to wake up is next to your pretty face.

He’s aware of the fact how creepy this is. But he cannot take his eyes off you, unable to will his gaze away. Every curve and slope of your body is breathtaking. Your hands are resting beside your head, and even though he winces at the cuts that adorn the back of your hand, it just... fits you so well. Never ever in his life has Jaemin felt like this before. It’s just impossible, how you wrap him around your little finger just by looking into his direction. You’re the sun, and he’s the planet orbitting you.

Matchmakers aren’t usually made into a match. But he finds himself perfectly content at your feet, even though the feeling is powerful and foreign. His mind is haywire.

Jaemin likes it. He likes it a lot.

When your eyes flutter open, his heart nearly jumps out of his chest because of the blush settling on your cheeks. “Hi,” you whisper, and he angles his body towards you, desperate for any kind of attention you’re willing to give him. “Hey, princess,” he answers, fingers twitching to hold yours. “Slept well?”

“Yeah.” You don’t move. Instead, you set your pretty eyes on his hands which are resting just below yours, and he wishes for you to take them. He’s too much of a scaredy-cat to do it himself. And that is so untypical of him - Na Jaemin isn’t scared of shit, affection is his second nature.

But you’re different. You were the match that set him ablaze, and his entire existence has shifted to accomodate you.

“Thank you for letting me stay over.” Fingers brush past his. He almost groans in frustration. “I was way too tired to drive home yesterday, and it was really fun, even though I was sober.”

“You don’t need to be drunk to have fun, princess,” is all he says, and it takes his entire courage for him to raise his hand and brush his knuckles against your cheek. Jaemin feels like ascending to heaven when you nuzzle his face against them, and he cups your face. You don’t stop him. You watch him, eyes curious, waiting. Jaemin inches closer.

Children of Eros don’t hold back. They exist for love and for passion, for lust and for loyalty. Emotions for them are inner explosions, felt more intensely than any other person in the world. And right now, he’s dying from anticipation.

“(y/n),” Jaemin murmurs. “I’m going to kiss you.”

His hand leaves your face to rest beside your shoulder, and your breath hitches when he lifts himself to hover over you. For a second, he thinks he’s overdone it. Instead, your fingers find his shirt and grip it tightly, godly strength shimmering through, tugging just so slightly. “(y/n),” he repeats. He needs you to say it. Needs you to give him permission to get lost in you and your touch, his very own paradise in the form of the stars locked in your eyes and all the love in the world in your smile.

If angels really exist, Jaemin is pretty sure they look like you.

“Please,” you whisper. Jaemin’s free hand moves to hold your waist, and you let him tug your shirt up so he can rest it on naked skin. You’re going to make him pass out, he realizes, because you’re so much to take in. So beautiful, so stunning, so alive.

“Please what, princess?”

You pull at his shirt, but Jaemin doesn’t move. You look cute when you bite your lip. “Please kiss me.”

You’re even cuter when you beg.

It should disturb him that the scent of blood lingers to your clothing like a constant afterthought. The bruises you’re going to leave on his shoulders because of your grip should scare him away. But all it does is draw him more in, and even though he’s the one in control right now, Jaemin feels like the little mouse walking right in your trap.

Hook, line and sinker. The moment your lips touch his, he’s a goner. Jaemin grips your waist tighter, hand sliding down to grip your thigh and guide your leg around his hips. He’s very aware that you could crush his shoulders with his bare hands, but the pain you inflict starts to turn into a guilty pleasure. How are you so powerful without knowing it? He tugs at your lower lip, welcoming the whine you let slip a little bit too enthusiastically, tongue meeting yours in a heated frenzy.

Jaemin thought he knew what love was. If not him, who else would? But after this, all his definitions are rearranged and they all spell out one name: yours. He’s barely able to abandon your lips, finding solace in the way you arch your back when he nips at your neck, leaving love bites wherever he can reach. The sound of his name falling from your lips is seriously messing with his sanity. Your hands move on from his shoulders to his hair to tug at the dyed locks, and Jaemin moans at the feeling.

Your taste of heaven is interrupted by someone furiously knocking against his door. Once, twice, until someone angrily yells from outside the room: “Na Jaemin, I’ve told you a thousand times that you have clean-up duty! Get your ass up!”

Jaemin groans, lips still attached to the column of your throat. Your legs keep him trapped against you and you close them tighter, to Jaemin’s delight. Neither of you want to be seperated right now. “Go away, Mark.”

“If you don’t get your ass outside in two minutes, I’ll come in and say hello to your female companion, you dick.”

You giggle at that. “Go, go,” you urge him, shyly cupping his face in your tiny hands to kiss him for a few seconds, way too short for his liking. He’s going to kill Mark for this. Jaemin looks you in the eyes for just a few seconds longer, then he rolls off from you in a pout.

The room feels really warm now. Sitting up, you fix your hair and he watches you, entranced. Like you’re his favourite movie and he didn’t want to look away. Mark keeps his promise, bursting in through the door to get his friend, but Jaemin pushes him out and steps into the hall with him.

“Write down your number before you leave, princess,” he calls over his shoulder, and then the door is shut.

❀ ❀ ❀

“I can’t believe you hook up with someone the second I leave you alone.”

“For the last time, Yuqi! I didn’t hook up with him!”

Your best friend is sprawled across your floor, fanning herself with her hand. It’s hot outside, the blue sky calming you down just by looking at it. For someone who lives to destroy you sure have your knack for aesthetics. “Then what else do you call it?” Yuqi hums.

You don’t know what to call it. You don’t have a noun for the feeling that Jaemin ignited, and you couldn’t get rid of it, despite avoiding him for a full week. Someone like you wasn’t supposed to feel like this. So ... weak. At someone’s beck and call. You are made out of conflict, strength and violence. Love wasn’t something Ares had in mind when he created you.

No, you scold yourself mentally, don’t refer to it as love. It’s not love. Love is stupid. But there isn’t any other way to describe it. All the books lie. There aren’t any fireworks or butterflies in your stomach. It feels like war elephants are running rampant, and your heartrate spikes the second someone mentions the J in Jaemin. The worst thing is that you miss him, had longed for him the entire week, inner turmoil caused by your wish to fall into his bed again or to run away from this university as far as possible.

You may not notice, Yuqi watches you. Your nervous antics of cracking your fingers and tugging at your hair. Both of you know there’s no way to win this war, no matter how long you sit down to think about a good strategy. There’s only one solution: admit defeat.

Something you were very, very bad at.

“(y/n),” the girl sitting on the ground speaks, voice soft, careful. Her eyes remind you of an owl’s. “You should have just left him your number.”

You breathe in shakily. “I don’t know him.”

“But you want to.” Her hands grip yours, finally pulling you out of that terrifying place in your head where you punish yourself for never being in love before and making this so hard for yourself. “I know this is new territory for you and you dislike things that are unknown to you. But just because you were born to fight, doesn’t mean you automatically aren’t born to love and to be weak. Your father loves war. Your mother loved him. Was she weak because of that? Absolutely not. She taught you how to fight and survive in this world, to stand up after being kicked down, to earn your place. Is that not what true warriors do? Is that not strength?

You bite your lip. Then you nod. Yuqi raises her head to kiss your forehead. “Don’t forget that love is the most powerful thing in the entire world,” she reminds you. She looks like Athene more than ever right now, her gaze firm, determinded. Razor sharp mind cutting apart this scary new feeling for you so you can digest it.

“Now go get your man.”

❀ ❀ ❀

[1:33pm] y/n: i should have written down my number

[1:34pm] jaemin: why didn’t you, princess?

[1:36pm] y/n: i’ll tell you personally if that’s okay with you

[1:36pm] y/n: dream café in five minutes

❀ ❀ ❀

Love is an act of surrender to another person.

Your father never taught you what that is. There is only victory in being the last one standing, winning, living to tell the tale. There is no room for error, or for weakness.

The strong ones never admit defeat. That was what Ares had imprinted into your mind from the minute you were born into this world. But what Ares doesn’t know is that he’s wrong. He’s not all-mighty, no God ever is. Their countless myths are living proof for that. And that is why you know that surrendering doesn’t mean being weak. It’s the most brave thing you could ever do, and not every one is able to do that. That itself is a strength. A streng not everyone possesses, but you’re willing to take the risk to acquire it, to step into the unknown, a blind fall.

It would be worth it if Jaemin was waiting to catch you.

He looks as beautiful as always as he approaches you, hands tucked into his leather jacket. You had been terribly afraid of him being angry with you, but he only sends you an angelic smile and dips down to drop a feather-light kiss on your cheek. “You changed your mind,” he beams at you.

Puzzled, you blink up to him. “What?”

“You had a change of heart.” Jaemin raises his hand and rests it on his chest, eyes never leaving yours. The amount of trust and joy you find in his eyes is astounding. “I felt it right here. I knew you’d be able to do it.”

You suddenly remember who Jaemin’s father is. While he grins at you, your cheeks heat up to a thousand degrees, and you cough to cover it up. “I did,” you mumbled. “And I’m so sorry of letting you wait. I... I’ve never felt for anyone like this before. I’m not used to feeling alive unless it’s because I’m breaking someone’s nose.”

Jaemin wraps both arms around you, and you rest your hands on his shoulders. Moving on instinct was common for the both of you. “I’m glad you found that feeling by being with me and not actually punching me,” he teases you. “And for the record, I’ve never felt like this either. You’re very special to me. And that’s why I was willing to wait. So stop apologizing, princess.” His face inches closer to yours, mischievous glint in his eyes. “I haven’t even taken you on a date yet. Very scandalous, if you ask me.”

“So that kiss meant nothing you? Traitor.”

“Hey, that’s hot how I meant it.” You both laugh, though you’re disrupted by him kissing you sweetly. “I don’t need any dates when my heart’s already yours. But you deserve to be treated like a princess, and to get properly taken out and pampered. I want to give you the world, (y/n). Will you let me?”

You do.

Somewhere in Greece, three old, angry hags are disappointed with your lack of protest. They had expected more ruin and punishment for Na Jaemin as an effect of tying your strings together. They should’ve remembered that Jaemin learned all his tricks from his father, who secretly lent his son a helping hand.

What did Jaemin say again? What the Fates don’t know, shouldn’t bother them.

[metalrequiem]

having trouble remembering what type is strong against what? look no further!

its always easier to remember things when you know WHY, wouldn’t you agree? so here’s my method of remembering the type advantages, just for you. i do so hope it helps :)

bug > grass : this is the reason why your tomato plant never gives you more than two tomatoes come harvest time.

bug > dark : one time, when i was like six or something, i was wandering around the college my dad worked at (as the head of the it department) with him because he had to do something in one of the tech closets. it was just wires and computers super disorganized; ran the network or something idk i was six. anyway the floor was like, black when we opened the door, but then when he turned on the light it turned fucking white as the carpet of roaches just fucking scattered. i forgot where i was going with this.

bug > psychic : bugs are one of the three most common fears. this will come up again. guess how many times.

dark > ghost : ghost summoning is dark magic (think warlocks). considering they’re the one who summoned it, the dark sorcerer would obviously be more powerful than the ghost.

dark > psychic : once again; dark is one of the most common fears.

dragon > dragon : trust nobody, not even yourself.

electric > flying : the only thing worse than being zapped and paralyzed is being zapped and paralyzed 20 feet up in the air.

electric > water : i mean, this one’s pretty obvious. water + electricity = bad time. (actually, fun fact, distilled water doesn’t conduct electricity - it’s the stuff typically in the water that makes it conductive. i think.)

fairy > fighting : wizards are just inherently more powerful than fighters, i guess. keep that in mind next time you play 5e.

fairy > dark : My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Season 1; Episodes 1 & 2

fairy > dragon : i’m pretty sure this was the reason they made fairy type a thing in the first place? anyway, the knight slaying the dragon to save the princess is like, THE classic fairy tale trope.

fighting > dark : so google tells me that this is a good vs evil thing, where dark is “fighting dirty” (which makes sense considering the moves like nasty plot, sucker punch, etc), and the advantage is that fighting dirty doesn’t mean you’ll win, it actually means you’re more likely to lose. or whatever. fighters are better than rogues is the explanation, actually.

fighting > normal : go ask a black belt to fist fight you. i dare you.

fighting > ice : strong man punch through ice block.

fighting > rock : strong man punch through rock.

fighting > steel : [visibly distressed] s... strong... strong man punch through... steel???

fire > bug : you know how a bunch of kids have that weird part of their lives where they think using a magnifying glass to set a bug on fire with the power of the sun is the neatest shit?

fire > grass : i mean, duh. the more specific example that usually comes to mind for me though is wildfires in like, the savannah. or australia.

fire > ice : fire melts ice. i seen’t it with my own two eyes.

fire > steel : jet fuel can, in fact, melt steel beams.

flying > bug : i mean, bugs do compose most birds’ diets. except for the bearded vulture. that motherfucker eats bones.

flying > fighting : have you ever tried to punch a bird out of the sky?

flying > grass : i guess cause, like, birds live in grass? and they use it to make up their nests? like this type advantage comes entirely from intimidation factor. “i live inside the remnants of your second cousin,” and all that.

ghost > ghost : in basically all ghost related lore/mythology, while they struggle to interact with the corporeal plane, ghosts can interact with other ethereal beings/objects just fine. i guess that extends to beating the shit out of each other.

ghost > psychic : finally, the third of the 3 most common fears.

grass > ground : plants literally grow out of the fucking ground.

grass > rock : saw a dandelion growing out of a crack in the pavement on my walk today. effervescent.

grass > water : water is one of the two required molecules (reactants, kinda? ish?) for photosynthesis. this was a really complicated way of saying plants go glug glug.

ground > electric : ground is a bad conductor. its much easier to punch someone when their powers are completely useless.

ground > fire : throwing dirt is a pretty good way of putting out a fire, actually. it suffocates it, and since fire needs oxygen to burn,,,

ground > poison : rub some dirt on it. also i heard once that if you put dirt/sand/whatever on a wound with poison (like a bite i guess?), it’ll soak some of it up or out or something. its not a solution, but it  would buy you some time i guess. please don’t test whether this is true or not.

ground > rock : honestly? i got nothing. rock come from ground. dust to dust. there.

ground > steel : for one, steel is derived from ground stuff. that seems important? you could look at it from like, a natural vs artificial scenario. like, no matter how invincible we think something we build is, the earth will outlast it and reclaim itself eventually.

ice > dragon : the classic dragon breathes fire, and dragons are generally accepted to be reptiles (which are cold-blooded), so if a dragon’s body temperature fell too low, it’d be a massively crippling blow.

ice > flying : i’m pretty sure that birds can fly if it’s too cold? i mean, it makes sense. you know how it gets harder to feel and control your fingers when it’s cold? i imagine that’d be pretty disastrous for a bird’s wings while it’s trying to fly.

ice > grass : this is another kinda common knowledge one. most types of plants don’t do well in cold weather.

ice > ground : i don’t know exactly how to articulate it, but my head is screaming the word “PERMAFROST” at me repeatedly, so let’s go with that.

poison > fairy : poison is a pretty common weapon of choice for fairy tale villains? like, snow white instantly comes to mind. the princess bride, too. in older stories, there’s, like, the witches in macbeth.

poison > grass : so at its core, this is “poisoning nature”, which could go any number of ways, really, but i think specifically of pollution. there’s no joke for this one. eat the rich.

psychic > fighting : “brains over brawn”. everyone knows this one, lmao.

psychic > poison : i mean, there’s that trope where the protag just wills their way through being poisoned. more realistically, some cultures believe meditation can expel poison/impurities from your body. which is where the idea for the pop culture trope came from in the first place?

rock > bug : do you know that scene in d*sney’s hunchback, sorta in the beginning, where frollo is giving phoebus his absolutely batshit monologue about his plans for genocide and he lifts up a stone to show all the ants under it to visually prove his point about a hideout somewhere in the city and then he flips is and crushes them all to really drive that point home and phoebus is like “with all due respect, jesus fucking christ sir”? yeah.

rock > fire : recall the “put out a fire by suffocating it” thing. rocks work too. i guess.

rock > flying : let’s go throw rocks at birds!

rock > ice : ice melts, but rock is forever. (honestly, i personally think the advantage should actually be the other way around because when water gets in even the smallest crack and freezes, it expands and makes the crack even bigger, rinse and repeat. but there’s nothing i can really do about that lmao).

steel > fairy : y’know, the whole “knight in shining armor” bit. we’ve been over this.

steel > ice : you know what happens if you freeze a sword? you get a cold sword (ignore the fact that it gets brittle - that’s future you’s problem). you know what happens if you hit an ice block really hard with a sword? you wind up with more distinct pieces of ice than when you started.

steel > rock : i guess rock is just. more brittle than steel? weaker? less versatile? who fucking knows.

water > fire : ._.

water > ground : mudd....

water > rock : erosion! don’t think about it too hard.

normal > nothing : that’s the fucking point.

BONUS: the no effect matchups!

normal/fighting X ghost : go punch a ghost.

ghost X normal : go get punched by a ghost.

poison X steel : i mean, this makes sense. steel is the only wholly artificial pokemon type, so it wouldn’t be affected by having something nasty thrown at it. unless it’s salazzle. in which case, fuck you.

ground X flying : can’t get hurt by an earthquake if you’re in the sky. this is where i’d put that meme if i wasn’t too lazy to go find it.

electric X ground : grounded things can’t be electrocuted! or something like that. i don’t know. i told you, my dad’s the it guy.

psychic X dark : so, i actually think about this a lot. think about common fears. the one thing they all have in common is they’re linked with the unknown, somehow. like, basically all fears boil down to the fear of the unknown. people fear animals and bugs because they don’t know what they’re capable of doing to them, or what’ll happen to them if they DO do something to them. people fear drugs/alcohol (like me) because they don’t know what they’ll do or what they’re capable of doing with less self-control. so, that’s cool and all, i hear you say, but what about the fears typed in pokemon? well, ok, bugs. that’s the easiest of the three: you can just research them?? lmao go google that beetle, you’ll be fine. yeah, you’ll still be scared of the ones that you now KNOW can hurt you, but you can psych yourself up and away from that, really. or just avoid them. when it comes to ghosts, it can go one of two ways: either you can explain away whatever it is sparked the fear at that moment in the first place and calm yourself by believing they aren’t real, or you can just accept that, hey, that was a ghost, and coexist with it. chill with the ghost. offer it some cheez its. so again, you can will your way past that fear. the problem with the dark, though, is that it’s essentially the purest form of the “unknown” you can get while also keeping it physical rather than conceptual. if you’re in a dark room, or a dark forest, or the basement with a single, flickering, bulb, you can’t will that fear away. you either fear the dark, or you’re lucky enough to not. there is no way to know whether you’re alone or not. there is nothing to research, nothing to explain. there’s nothing but you, your mind, and the suffocating blackness. in this situation, really, your mind isn’t on your side anymore (again, assuming you have a fear of the dark), so how can you be expected to do anything against it?

dragon X fairy : and they all lived happily ever after :)

[cookinguptales]

A long post about having undiagnosed ADHD as a little girl. And how we all need to talk a hell of a lot more about Reaction Sensitive Dysphoria.

(cw: mental illness, childhood punishment, discussions of childhood self-harm & suicidal ideation)

When I was a little girl, I was a crybaby. I didn’t know why I’d cry all the time. I just did. Everything always felt catastrophic, even if it was just a disagreement over what to play with my friends. People called me manipulative. I got made fun of at school. I was sent to the school therapist. Hell, the only time I ever had to go to the principal’s office, I was in kindergarten and would not. stop. crying. I was literally sent to the principal’s office for crying too much.

(Note. How did I respond to that? I cried. A lot.)

Here are a few examples of things that made me feel like the world was ending:

Once I came home sobbing and my parents asked me what was wrong. Why was I crying? Because the other kids had called me a crybaby.

Once at daycare (around age six), some older boys were making effigies of their teachers out of play-doh and then smushing them and convinced me to join in. The minute I did, they told me that they were telling my teacher, which made me about lose my damn mind.

I was a voracious reader and often ran out of reading material. Once I sneaked some of my mother’s romance novels that she’d left in the bathroom for light reading. They were Very Adult. I was so scared she’d find out and scold me for reading sexually explicit books.

Now, my parents think these are kind of funny stories. They say that I was very cute. But in truth, I was a nervous wreck. My life was pretty good in most ways, but I’d have these moments that just felt like cascading catastrophes. Anytime someone criticized me or my work or my ideas, the sky would just come crashing down. I’d cry so hard I couldn’t breathe. I’d cry so hard I threw up. I grew out of the crying by about age nine, but that sickening feeling of failure never really left.

About 8 years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Severe ADHD. I believe the doctor’s exact words were “I don’t even know how you graduated from high school”. They tried me on ADHD medicine but it made my heart go dokidoki so I just had to live with being unmedicated. I wasn’t told a lot about ADHD at that point, or how ADHD symptoms differ for women, so I just kind of assumed that it was just focus and that’s it. Brain fog wasn’t exactly new to me, what with my other illnesses, so I figured I’d just live with it.

But about a year ago, I learned about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is a fairly common symptom of ADHD that no one ever told me about in my goddamn life! It essentially means that when you are criticized (or perceive something as criticism) by others or by yourself, your brain goes into absolute hyperdrive. You go from zero to “everyone hates me and I deserve that and probably don’t deserve to live too because I am just the worst” over like. literally nothing. And it’s not just like a mental thing you can train yourself out of. It’s characterized by actual physical pain. Y’all, I have anxiety and depression and this is not the same thing. This is your whole body seizing up and your brain going into a maelstrom that’s fairly similar to a panic attack.

Here’s the less cute side to all of those stories:

I had very few friends, and the friends I did have thought I was annoying and manipulative. The more I cried, the more kids stayed away from me.

After the Play-Doh incident, I cried for days. Days. And I was scared of my teacher for weeks. My parents laughed it off as a cute child thing, but none of it was cute for me. The older boys forgot about it by the next day, but it haunted my interactions with that teacher for weeks. It interfered with my education. I was a nervous wreck at school. I was so scared that she would hate me. That I’d be singled out in class. That I’d fail and my whole education would be upended and I’d fail out of school and my parents would hate me too and my life would be over. That’s... a lot for a six year old.

Those romance novels? That was a closely guarded secret that I kept for years. For literal years, I was afraid she’d somehow find out that I’d read those books. I would think of it when I was nine, ten, eleven years old and my whole body would stiffen up. I’d occasionally throw up. I cried about what might happen if my parents ever found out. Would they hate me forever? Yes, probably. They’d never love me again. I was a bad child. I finally told my mom about it a few months ago. I was 29. A small part of me was still scared I’d get in trouble. (My mom laughed about it; she was just like ‘wow, I should have put those books up higher’.)

When I was six, I went to an aftercare at a neighbor’s house for a while. (This predated the other daycare.) One day, one of the kids at aftercare didn’t get off the bus. The lady asked if anyone knew where he was. Trying to be helpful, I said I thought I’d seen him on the bus. (And like -- I really did think I did. But I was six and six year olds are uhhh not smart.) Surprise! He’d actually left school early for a dr’s appt. But she thought he’d missed his bus stop and spent like an hour on the phone figuring out what happened. And y’all. When she realized he hadn’t been on that bus, she was furious. When my other neighbor picked me up for my mom that evening, the lady told her that I was a bad child who’d purposefully lied to scare her. She said I wasn’t allowed to come back. And ohhh guys. I begged my neighbor not to tell my mom. (She did.) And then I begged my mom not to tell my dad. She was honestly kind of alarmed at how vehement I was about dad not knowing. (I was like a shaking, sobbing mess.) She asked me what I thought would happen. idk. Maybe he’d hit me. (My parents never hit me.) Maybe he’d throw me out of the house. Maybe he’d never talk to me again. He’d definitely stop loving me. I was so bad. So, so bad. I was a bad child. No one would ever love me. I was a worthless, bad child.

In short, I was hysterical.

When my parents finally talked to me about it, it was less of a talk about consequences and more talking me off the fucking ledge. They weren’t that concerned about the actual incident; they figured out pretty quickly that I’d just made a mistake. A temporarily scary one, but a mistake all the same. (I basically never misbehaved, so they were kind of confused by the whole situation, honestly.) But they were very concerned about my reaction to it. I knew they loved me, right? I knew that they wouldn’t hurt me, right? Why did I think that was a possibility?

I didn’t know. I still don’t know. It wasn’t rational. It was just my brain exploding into a thousand tiny pieces.

This is not a memory my mom laughs about. I think it really genuinely disturbed her. She’s still angry at that aftercare neighbor for doing that to me. As an adult, I realize that the person who actually fucked up in that scenario was the boy’s mother, who didn’t call to alert aftercare that he wouldn’t be coming. (Funnily enough, that boy’s mother was my first grade teacher -- the one I was so terrified of. Small town. I guess I was scared of her hating me, too.) But as a child, this wasn’t just bad. It was catastrophic. I genuinely considered hurting myself. I was six years old and I considered hurting myself. Suicidal ideation is often part and parcel with RSD. I’ve had to deal with that since elementary school.

RSD is real and it’s terrifying and it’s not unusual in children with ADHD. It’s still a problem that I struggle with. I’ve had friends not answer texts for a while and my brain just. assumes that I said something wrong. And now they hate me. Because I’m a bad person. And my whole body will shake. I’ll sweat. My stomach will roll. My chest will literally hurt like I’m having a heart attack. I still have to blink back those tears. Sometimes I’ll go for a walk to distract myself and burn off all that energy. Sometimes I’ll write a post like this. Sometimes I’ll just lie in bed. Shaking. Trying very hard not to think about doing Bad Things. It’s hard to say how it’ll go until it goes.

(Note: I’m okay right now! I was just talking about this with dad yesterday so I’ve been thinking about it.)

And this is not my friends’ fault! Or my family’s fault. This is no one’s fault. It’s just... mental illness, I guess. It’s hard to predict. Sometimes I can have a calm and reasonable discussion about my faults (which I fully admit exist) and sometimes someone disagrees with me on whether a tv show is good and my brain shits itself. (I’m dumb and stupid and this person probably hates me now! Because I didn’t love Avatar! Why did I open my big mouth? Now our whole relationship is ruined and I ruined it because I am a dumb relationship-ruiner!) Obviously, it gets worse when my physical and mental state is already fragile. I have a lot of chronic physical and mental illnesses, so like... it happens. But it’s very hard to predict, very hard to control, and all you can do is really talk yourself through it when it happens. Breathe. Focus on what’s real and what’s not. Distract yourself. Be as kind to your brain as you can because it will not be kind back.

Talk to people who love you. Try, whenever possible, to be one of those people.

idk. I wish I had concrete advice to finish this off. But it’s more just like... please learn to see the signs, especially in small children. I had far too many strong emotions for a child to figure out on her own. I really could have used some help. It’s too late for my childhood, but not for the other kids who are struggling with similar issues right now.

And if you read this and see yourself in it, do me a solid and talk to your doctor? Your brain might thank you one day.

[stimmypaw]

Stimmypaw reads Darkest Night! The fourth text post!

Back with these uh live reading comments! Remember those? yeah! I'm on the fourth book of Warrior Cats: A Vision of Shadows :D I read The Apprentice's Quest and Thunder and Shadow and Shattered Sky and now!! I'm here :D and boy did I have a time. Click read more to see it!

NEEDLETAIL?????????

Needletail???????????

What?????

OH???????

Wh THIS GUY IS TALKIN 2 DEAD PEOPLE????

HOW WHO IS THAT

OH MY GOD

These guys are weak and dumb skyclan is epic and sharing the territory with them is good, but of course sparkpelt isn't dealing well with change wink wink nudge wink nudge nudge huh???? (this is a nod to how I project into her and say shes autistic)

I am getting anxious for tinycloud SERIOUSLY how much longer until those kits??? Everyday you show up and its WOW my tummy ssure is HUGE AND BULGING I just Wonder Oh When They'll Be Born, probably pretty soon!!! :) and then they arent!!!! Birth dammit!!!

Cherryfall cut the sick and hurt cats some slack jeez youre Fine, youre not feeding half the forest and you have THREE medicine cats ready to help you if youre not feeling well

Bastard Cherryfall I hate you /lh

Dovewing and Tigerheart have relationship drama again. What is UP with those two I simply do not understand them

Watching Bramblestar trying to control this bizarre situation is actually funny he is so close to screaming "PLEASE dont be mad :c"

SOON WHEN???? JUST KIT THOSE KITTENS DAMMIT

Get her, Alderheart

They LITERALLY said something about sharing the territory, they were like "Stars have five points baby and we need those 5 clans togetherrrr" what else do these cats want??? I know its a big change but its necessary

Wait everyone shut up that cat is named Podlight this is so important to me

Dang these cats are really still struggling :c I wish they didnt blame each other

Harestar is so cool

What the FUCK mistystar????

God what a disaster of a gathering Starclan is gonna be so pissed everyone is doing the opposite of what they should

I was holding my breath oof

I hope thunderclan gives some territory too thats too small a space for Skyclan

Oh boy oh boy oh boy i am Anxious for these Kitties

Violetpaw is me having nightmares every night

Macgyver is a heavily gringue name and I have No Clue how to say it how the hell do you say it

Update its either Mick Guyver or Mac Guyver apparently

Its fun to see how different the sisters are from one another, I love them both

I also love their mom with the name identical to puddleshine wish I got to meet her

IM CRYING BRO........M...MDB.....NFBANN.....VIOLETPAW BELONGS MY DARLING MY DAUGHTER

Sadly Twigpaw is for gender binarism 😔 /j

Twigpaw is often in her thoughts and doesn't pay attention to anything around her and I love her for that

Bad news Finpaw is gonna lose his tail, good news I can draw his tail fin-shaped

Puddleshine surgeon moment!!!

I love Graystripe and Millie

And I love that being flirty is a part of Sparkpelt's personality, I don't know what Alderheart is talking about she's always been dandelion-headed

Ok this is epic, I’m glad we’re breaking gender roles in Warrior Cats my heart dropped when the books called Briarlight cr*ppled, that’s the thing they promised not to do anymore recently right? I’m not sure but, I could use some uh less ableism on my Warrior Cats, the series is old but the newer books should be better, so yeah, good modernize these cats babyyy

OH COOL Skyclan journey!!! Fun I hope they find someone :] also fuck Molewhisker and Cherryfall bastards.

Jayfeather is gonna miss Alderheart too much for him to leave hehehe

ALL of Starclan showed up just to call out Riverclan pahahah

oooo is shadowclan haunted?????

FINALLY TINYCLOUD IS KITTING YES GOD YES GO QUEEN GOOOO!!!!

I wonder why Twigpaw wants to stay behind, there has to be more than just the camp stuff

"I wish I were more positive like Twigpaw, but at least I'm just as scarred by the death of my loved ones as my dad :] I like being like him"

Violetpaw witnesses a car crash 😔 that was a bit messy what happened to those cars also why the hell was one of them smaller was it a bike??? Or ???? Idk what's up with it!!!

Needletail just happens to have slow-down turned on for her on the discord chat so she can only say like a few words each hour :/ why the hell is she here tho Violetpaw needs to get OVER your death!!!!

This short exchange has made me love Dewpaw

Also, I love Twigpaw, I still wonder why she stayed behind tho

Ahh, is it cus she feels too estranged from her family :c ? I wish her mom was around maybe that would help

Jee Twigpaw be a tad more empathic, I can see Twigpaw struggles with that sometimes

You can't cheer him up right now he's grieving, just find him on common ground, talk to him, don't try to make him happy just try to keep him company

Oh wow finpaw that's a dangerous thing to say I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure to never be sad because people like her because she's happy and her being sad would be bad

ALSO I JUST REMMEMBRERD UH TWIGPAW MENTIONED BRIARLIGHT BUT BERRYNOSE IS RIGHT THERE???? HE IS RIGHT HE DIDNT DIE OFF SCREEN IM SURE OF IT WAIY

BERRYNOSS IS RIGHT THERE I CHDCKED!!!! HE LOST HIS TAIL TOO AND HES A GREAT WARRIOR, TWIGPAW!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT ITS MORE RELATABLE

Okay I'm glad they're getting along this is nice

Oh look twigpaw you Are like your father :] this is cute

Skyclan begins to fish competitively I'm glad

I like it when medicine cats bicker about their leader's behaviors ehheheh, Jayfeather talking about how weak Shadowclan is, Alderheart being annoyed at his father for wanting to stay silent, the others worried about the tensions this is all cheff the kisser

Jayfeather spitting the truths about how Starclan doesn't know shit, and he is very much one to speak

Puddleshine: Rowanstar stepped up the patrols :c

Leadstar: He has warriors enough for that?? Damn good for him

Dang poor Skyclan I hope they manage stuff better soon

Oooo the girls are fighting!!!

Alderheart starclan anxiety time dang

Sheep :]

Needletail :[

I'm sad Ravenpaw isn't here, this is a lovely reunion scene but knowing Barley will be alone when they all leave breaks my heart

Oh, maybe not, but if they stay I'll be sad also cus Skyclan needs its warriors

Aw man, Twigpaw is struggling :c

OUCH

I WANT SKYCLAN 2 SWIM THO......

Omg crimes

That sounds kinda possessive twigpaw!

DOVEWING?????

T

WhHAHAGAHAHA WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

omg tigerstar 2 real

Whats he gonna do to rowanstar???

ALRIGHT THATA OVER THEN PAHAHA

Aw, I'm glad they're having fun tho, and that twigpaw sees herself as skyclan

Alderheart, as he meets someone for the first time in a while: ARE YOU OKAY???

Blackstar protagonist moment

The medicine cats: our gods are toying with us again and destiny is uncertain

Leaders: I cannot DO this right now PLEASE leave and let me care for The Real Issues

Alderheart: YOU WILL hang out at my house Willowshine this isn't up for debate

Riverclan suffered enough and it's their turn to throw a tantrum about it, honestly good for them hsghahah

Alderheart asks his father to go on a quest to check people's feet

WHAT THR HELL IS A CANTANKEROUS

Alderheart and Willowpelt sitting there watching Shadowclan fight

This is really funny

HEWWO????

Puddleshine, in his eyes: help help

I love Skyclan

Ok this sounds like it's gonna be very very fun

Mission impossible: Escape From São Paulo

Oh, is Fallowfern deaf? That's so poggers omg I wanna see more of her

Edit: fallowfern is an elder that lost her hearing with age and retired after that happened :/ boring

I love leafstar so much

Juniperclaw: aren't you gonna punish her????

Leafstar: why

Juniperclaw: when I tell rowanstar he's gonna be pissed

Leafstar: don't tell him

Juniperclaw: the fuck is wrong with you and your clan??? Where is everyone???????

Leafstar: busy

Icon

I don't trust abled people specially able-bodied people telling disabled people they just have to train harder and feeling sorry for yourself won't help.

But this is the closest to a positive message to disabled people we have ever had in warriors so I guess I'll take it but I want better

IVYPOOL!!!💖💖💖💖💕

Dang ivypool what a way to show someone you miss them hahaha

Twigpaw: uhhhh how's dovewing?

Ivypool: what do you mean did she do something illegal I'm sure she did

Ivypool is a seriously funny character WHY are you yelling at the young adult about your sisters illegal activities she doesn't know anything about it!!!!

Alderheart goes on an adventure

Feet inspector on the road!!!!

Jasper is so funny I love him

Omg what's he got against clan cats??? What's his sad backstory????

YEESSSS SPARKPELT MY LOVE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕

Sparkpelt your opinion sucks but I love you

I'm really really glad they had this moment this is really sweet, they hadn't talked for a while but this is genuine like, we hadn't had this sort of relationship in so long in the books with just, dialogue yknow??? THEYRE TALKING ABOUT THINGS

And the pause Sparkpelt takes between her speaking to fix what she's saying "I'm sorry for saving you :c no wait uhh not exactly but like" this is so good so natural so fun I love you sparkpelt

I get why she has a diferent opinion on Skyclan it's good for someone close to Alderheart to have a different mindset from him and for him to have someone like uh be opposites from him a lil yknow contrats his characteristics makes both siblings fun round and full of kitty do you get what I'm saying???

I love this

I love Sparkpelt, love her lil anxious moments, love her, love that she just wants to fool around with toms and enjoys Larksong but doesn't want to get serious you go girl

They wanted to write smart-ass they wanted to write smart-ass so bad

They're doing this in the rain?????

I'm quite certain Violetpaw is a young adult by this point its valid for her to go

Wh why did you let your cat out in the rain dude!!! When it comes back it's gonna dirty up the whole place it's wet out there!!!! And the cold is gonna get in the house!!!!!!!

I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH OH LORD

That was SO INTENSE AND SO FUNNY AND SO MUCH, IM SO GLAD SHE MADE IT I GOT SCARED

Oh this is so epic

That moment when your cat nearly dies and then it runs off and you go after it and then a bunch of other cats show up and start running with it

I hope Twigpaw can see the others soon

Glad to see her keeping her medicine cat knowledge ehehehe

???????

Sandynose I hate you you are so abled

Sandynose: I don't want my son to feel distanced from his peers so I'm distancing him from his peers

DOVEWING???

SANDYNOSE SHUT UP IM GOING TO KILL YOU ANS MURDER YOU

I'm so upset with Sandynose WHY isn't leafstar seeing this WHY DOESNG ANYONE SEE THIS SOMSONE PLEASE CONFORT AND LOVE MY CHILD TWIGPAW DOESNT DESERVE THIS

Angry sad upset why

Piscina

Thanks graystripe

Ok who's dying this time

Ok no one just a background cat got hurt he will survive otherwise it would be relevant

This was intense though what will happen now???

YES FINALLY

Oh this is lovely so good they're here!!! The rest of skyclan has arrived and we are all happy together

That dream felt good

NEEDLETAIL??? AGAIN

Where were you at!!!!

What!!!

Check this man's feet how many toes are there this could be good

What

Hegshahwha what the fuck is up with this guy

Okay I like him

Ohhh THATS tree

Change your name if you don't like it you sound trans already

Yeah nothing makes one smarter like dying

This is very fun I'm excited for more of whatever happening

Twigpaw :c

HIS SNIFFLES

Oh no

Hhhhnn I want Twigpaw to be happy so bad, I hate seeing her struggles

Sandynose you are so evil and very detested by me

You can and you SHOULD feel angry at Sandynose he SUCKS and he is being needlessly mean at you!!!!! There are much better ways to bring up the possibility that maybe you'd be happier with thunderclan!!! Fuck off Sandynose

Oh so Snowbush hasn't improved, maybe he will die?

Poor Alderheart

Oh fuck there he goes

Yeah

Aw man, rip to the background cat

That was a heavy death too

Aw, I was hoping the rest of Skyclan would show up before the gathering, maybe just after it???

I wonder what's going on in Shadowclan

TIGERHEARTS MISSING HUH???

The couple was kidnapped

HUH????

Oh my lord oh fuck

Can't anyone step up to lead why do they depend on Tigerheart so much???

Jesus christ

Alderheart kills his gods

This is so chaotic and funny I'm worried as hell for shadowclan but excited a lot is happening

HI TREE AGSGAHAH

Tawnypelt >:(

Puddleshine: WAIT DONT KICK HIM OUT, CHECK OUT HIS FREAKY FEET INSTEAD

Oh dear

Twigpaw :c

TWIGPAW :CCCC Man rememebr when I said I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure of being happy for others? yeah

GET OUT SANDYNOSE I DONT CARE YOURE BEING REASOMABLE FOR ONCE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LATER

:C

I'm so heartbroken for them

Uh pdhsgahab okay then

Bye finpaw

Wow that was easy for him

This is fun

I'm still sad as hell

Okay there's a lot going on right now wow

The owl scene was funny as hell to picture, this dramatic prophetic moment and the cats just "uuggh is that a prophecy??? Nooo"

Okay so

There's some shadowclan cats missing, considering the many sleekwhisker maps I'm sure she's up to no good but I have no clue what happened to the others and I hope they're okay

Wow! That was really something

Fantastic ending to a very good book its, definitely a different energy from the third but I'm really enjoying this I'm still excited as hell!!! I got worried things would get kinda bad from here but nope!!!! Very fun stuff for now this is very very good and I am enjoying it

This is definitely one of the most fun arcs I've read so far!!! The drama the stakes the little moments everything is tying together really well into a very fun story I'm enjoying a lot!

I worry for Twigpaw and hope for her happiness, and Violetshine too, hope her and Hawkwing deal well with missing her. Tree is being interesting. Alderheart wasn't much of a focus here but always fun to see him trying to solve the damn prophecy no leaders seem to care about. Mousewhisker was okay??? Lots of very fantastic turns for all events and uh let's see where this all goes next!!!

[fairycosmos]

I'm almost 21 and I'm having a hard time, my mom keeps yelling at me and getting really angry bc of how I dress, in like to shirts and jeans and hoodies and stuff bc she thinks I need to dress like an adult, but idek how to do that for my age, and everything I like I look bad in bc I'm kinda fat, I'm trying to lose weight so I don't even want to invest in things that won't fit me for long anyway, and she just makes me feel so bad about myself, the only things I feel comfy in are oversized stuff

hey hmm your mum is a dick and idk why she's trying to push such pointless and arbitrary standards onto you lmfao sounds like a her problem.....also i feel like she's just out of touch bc like. in my experience a lot of people in our age bracket wear hoodies and casual comfortable clothing so..... it's a matter of differing opinions but. the thing is yours is the right one bc it's your body. end of conversation. you have every right to process hurt and a bit of resentment due to her attitude, but try not to frame her words as if they're truly a reflection of you. i know that's hard when you don't have a lot of confidence, but when it comes to something like this your own opinion is literally the only one that matters. i genuinely believe that you have to disappoint your parents at some point in order to progress in your own life, we all do, for both small scale and big scale issues. it's about gaining autonomy and doing your own thing, divorced of what they think. like i said, it's natural to be hurt. if you need to cry or vent or write about it, then i would encourage that. but at the end of the day she can't control what you're comfortable with, she literally does not have a say in it. and even if it takes her forever to realise that, you are allowed to consistently enforce that boundary.

and i totally relate to wearing certain clothes out of insecurity. i haven't worn short sleeves in literal years. it seems like you have very deeply rooted issues with your self image, and i really hope you choose to work on that whether it's through therapy or making small changes in your own life. because it really saddens me to hear that you basically don't think you're worthy of wearing certain clothes if you're not at a certain weight. that's ....a very common feeling esp among women but it's not the truth. there's no rule book at all when it comes to fashion and finding what works for you, what makes you feel really good. you think it looks bad because you've disliked your body for so long that can't even comprehend that your view of yourself is biased and inaccurate. due to the way you've been conditioned when it comes to weight, worth and beauty. so much of if is a lie. if you feel nice in a certain outfit, you'll look nice. identifying your style and nurturing the confidence to try new things may be a long, complicated progress that will become easier with age/a sense of identity, but it's very possible to get to that point, love. you really don't need to police your body like that. and i get why you do, i mean i do too. but hopefully at some point the thought of wearing something out of your comfort zone feels normal, maybe a bit exciting or fun. but if you want to continue wearing hoodies for your own peace of mind that is absolutely fine. again, there's no rules. it's just about doing what's right for you, in both the context of clothing and your confidence level. i know it's hard angel, really hard. and im sorry you were made to feel guilty over your own lifestyle. you deserve so much better and im rooting for you from my corner of the world. i think a lot of ppl know where you're coming from. if you need a friend or if you want to talk more about it, just let me know. sending peace to you 💘💘

[necroarchy]

ARTHAS’ RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET!

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: Frost

OOC Contact: Ask/IMs. Discord if we’re close.

Who the heck is my muse anyway?

   Arthas Menethil is the Lich King of the Scourge, which means that he is the tyrannical god-emperor of various undead creatures (zombies, ghosts, wights, vampires, and Frankenstein-esque monstrosities just to name a few). He was originally a heroic, benevolent man before falling to evil and deciding he liked it down in the dark.

   In addition to his Scourge, he is worshiped and obeyed by an assortment of organizations of various living beings, and even a certain pack of werewolves. He is the most powerful necromancer in the world, and has aspirations of killing everyone to raise them as subjects for his kingdom of the dead.  

Points of interest:

Fall of the Lich King happened, wherein he died after Frostmourne was shattered. Bolvar was the Lich King for a while. Kel’Thuzad eventually found and stole Arthas’ body before resurrecting his lord, and they gallivanted around Azeroth during the Cataclysm, trying to find the shards of Frostmourne and stay out of public sight. Eventually (in MoP) they make their way back to ICC, kill Bolvar, and Arthas is the Lich King once more.

My portrayal of Arthas borrows heavily from Rise of the Lich King in addition to Warcraft III and Wrath; I more or less ignore what Chronicles says about him, because I prefer the way that Rise explored his struggle between humanity and inhumanity and it gives me a bit of content to work in regards to building up an idea of who Arthas was in life, and how that stays with him in death.

The Lich King is a god(ish) and Arthas has the ego, power, and cult to back up that mentality. He can and has murdered dozens of heroes with little more than a wave of his hand; is capable of resurrecting ancient, powerful entities to serve him in undeath; grants “blessings” upon those who earn his favor; and possesses an empire of slavering monsters chomping at the bit to do absolutely anything he says. ‘Human’ is not the word for what he is anymore.  

And Arthas was once a man; no matter how hard he has ever tried, no matter what he’s done to himself or to anyone else, Arthas is still plagued by the vestiges of his humanity, which often manifests as him taking a special interest in certain individuals: Jai.na, Andu.in, adventurers, and (negatively) Syl.vanas for instance. As a result, his reactions to people are sporadic: he might show surprising lenience or tolerance for acts of defiance and opposition should the perpetrator tug on the right heartstring.

Arthas has a daughter whom is generally his Deathlord in the pertinent verses. Her status as his daughter is relatively common knowledge post-Wrath of the Lich King, and is a contentious spot for him.

What they’ve been up to recently:

WARCRAFT: Arthas has been (quietly, quietly) aiding in the repulsion of the Burning Legion from Azeroth, for he despises his old demonic masters and has no intention of losing his world to them. He is also busy reestablishing the Scourge as a power to be feared, and returning Northrend under his control. With the conclusion of Legion, he is now focused upon rebuilding his kingdom after the Burning Legion trashed it again and also I’m paying zero attention to what’s going on in Battle of Azeroth so idk any way to really integrate him!!! Also we’re gonna just ignore everything that kickstarted Shadowlands because fuck that noise.

SWTOR: Darth Necrolis, once a promising Jedi Knight, now an insidious Lord of the Sith, seeks out the eldritch knowledge of Darth Nihilus and even the Emperor, Vitiate, in his quest to obtain immortality. Although, gifted with the frightening ability to bind Force ghosts to himself, one wonders if his search is redundant at this point.

Where to find them:

WARCRAFT: Northrend in general, and Icecrown in particular, are the Lich King’s usual haunts, along with other Scourge strongholds such as the Plaguelands or Naxxramas. He may also wander through areas of present note because he’s a curious lad. (Aka the current expansion’s region: Broken Isles for Legion, Pandaria for Mists, etc., etc….)

SWTOR: While Necrolis can generally be found nearly anywhere in Imperieal space, Dromund Kaas and Korriban are perhaps the safest locations to catch him. He may also be within his citadel on the wintry planet on Northrend.

Current plans:

WARCRAFT

RESTORE THE SCOURGE: We trashed his kingdom last time we took a gander through Northrend, and he’s hard at work not only repairing what we broke, but reinforcing it. To that end, he seeks to otain new resources and sources of power. Azerite, for example…

CORRUPT THE KNIGHTS OF THE EBON BLADE: Particularly from Legion onward, the Lich King has his eye on Acherus and its denizens, subtly setting in place plans to turn the world against him and leave them no recourse but to return to the Scourge.

KILL EVERYONE: Self-explanatory.

SWTOR:

CRUSH THE REPUBLIC: Jedi are nerds and he WILL stuff you into a frozen space locker.

OBTAIN IMMORTALITY: He’s going to end up devouring a planet a la Vitiate, I feel.

BIND MORE FORCE GHOSTS TO HIMSELF: More ghosts = more power = good.

BECOME THE NEW EMPEROR: You’re not a real Sith Lord if you’re not trying.

Desired interactions:

SCOURGE AND CULTISTS: What’s a king without his kingdom?

ALIVE: I don’t write a lot with or about Arthas prior to his fall, and I really should. It’s a fun exercise in trying to show those hints of the boy who will be king, and the boy who might not have.

DEATH KNIGHT: Back when he was still on Ner’zhul’s payroll and edging the line of being a little too human in his monstrosity.

POST-RESURRECTION: OR Arthas “Matthias Lehner” Menethil wanders around Azeroth trying not to get caught out as Arthas Menethil whilst hunting down the erstwhile remnants of his shattered sword.

THWART HIS PLANS! I don’t think I have any real developed antagonistic relationships on this blog which is a shame.

SWTOR - LITERALLY ANYTHING: Pls, I’m begging you, indulge my SW love.

Offered interactions:

MONSTER DAD: Arthas adores inhuman abominations and eldritch beasts, whether they were Once a Man or were never mortal to begin with, and he’ll adopt (”adopt”) any and all at the drop of a hat.

DEAL WITH THE DEVIL: For the low, low price of your immortal soul, all your dreams can come true if you just make him an offer. Or, better: he makes the offer to you.

ANNOYING BYSTANDER: Arthas loves to just show up and talk shit at everyone around for no apparent reason, it happens in canon and it happens on this blog all the time. Let’s see you try to kill that big evil demon while the fucking Lich King is off to the side reading a magazine and criticizing your talent choices.

“JOIN” THE SCOURGE: Fight the Lich King! Die to the Lich King! Get resurrected as an atrocity against life by the Lich King!

Current open post/s:

   No.

Anything else?:

    I’m very slow and prickly, but in the way that grandfather spider in Spirited Away was, so don’t worry too much about it.

Tagged by:  reposting ‘cause it’s been a while

Tagging: this was. a lot.

[hobimysun-shine]

bts as billie eilish songs

I love both artist so much because they are so diverse, so driven and in love with their art, so here’s what my mind created at 2am when i actually gotta study for an exam, but anyhow, enjoy

Jeon Jungkook - Ocean eyes 

“Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind Careful creature Made friends with time”

- color scheme: Venice lavender; purple rain; valor blue 

- grey clouds, quiet ocean, salty air, cold sand, bare feet, long sweater, careful wind, watery eyes, 

- angelic, naive, trusting, incapable of stopping emotions

- a feel of uncertainty for the future, because you still have so much to experience in life, it’s hard to know who to trust, where to go and what your tears mean, who you should give them to 

- young love, pain

- it basically speaks of someone who is impressed by another human - love based on instinct and intuition, when you’re young you just feel things, even if you don’t know where these emotions come from (jungkook-namjoon relationship) ; 

- trusting someone by the feeling you get around them, without being able to trust your common sense,

- have you seen jungkook’s beautiful, ocean, doe eyes ?? (if not, then wth you doin’ with your life))

Park Jimin - idontwannabeyouanymore

“I just wish you could feel what you say Show, never tell But I know you too well Got a mood that you wish you could sell

Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before I don't wanna be you anymore”

- color scheme: pale smoke; scotch mist; apple blossom 

- cold air, morning dew, raindrops at the bottom of your window, the fabric softener your mom uses to wash your sheets, soft breathing on the side of your neck, white mirrors 

-  self-persuasion, self-critique, inner conflict, serenity, content, libra’s aesthetic approach

- if you have listened to lie and looked at the lyrics, you know why i chose this song for jimin 

- you basically get the feeling that the person is speaking to himself in this song, trying to find an answer, as to why he puts himself through all these hardships, when he could break free from this vacuum of perfectionism he created for himself

- let’s be real, we all know what jimin had to go through and maybe is still going through with being too harsh on himself, with his body image and his appearance on stage, i hope he is doing well now and is content with himself, cause he is a 100/10 and we all love him so much 

Kim Taehyung - hostage; my boy 

“I wanna be alone Alone with you - does that make sense? I wanna steal your soul”

“ My boy's an ugly crier but he's such a pretty liar”

- color scheme: concord purple; red wine; aurum gold

- big windows, night sky, city view, studio apartment, dark walls, smell of acrylic paint, ripped jeans with that paint splattered on them, acoustic guitars on the walls, quiet jazz music, film paper smoke, deep laughter, strong arms around your waist

- artistic freedom, no fear of judgement, mutual understanding, chest butterflies, assurance, hope, soulmates, in tune with your emotions, who cares if the world doesn’t get us, we get us

- hostage just reminds me of two people, who connect on a soul level so much, that what happens is their love turns into mutual engagement, similar to keeping each other as hostages in their hearts, however i wanted to turn the meaning of that song less toxic for taehyung,, 

- i believe that if there’s a member that would want to connect with people in such level as the song suggests, it would be taehyung

- as for my boy, idk it just gives me a similar base line as in singularity, and i don’t know it’s just probably my fave song of billie and i feel like it is just taehyung’s vibe when i listen to it 

Jung Hoseok - bellyache

“ Everything I do the way I wear my noose Like a necklace I wanna make 'em scared like I could be anywhere Like I'm wreck-less

I lost my mind I don't mind “

- color scheme: marigold yellow; apricot orange; candy red

- summer heat, tan skin, blushed cheeks, endless roads, loose shirts, scratched knees, rich kids away from home, one backpack and a shiny red ford convertible from your bf’s dad’s garage, loud music, lips, swollen from kissing, night fireworks

- fed up with everything, escape from reality, that one summer you will never forget, vibrant love, point of no return, rhythm, gut intuition, boldness 

- i don’t know exactly either, it’s just these are the connections i make when i hear this song, and all of that screams hobi to me (aries moon) 

- also am i the only one who imagines he would make a killer dance routine to that song (but again he could probably dance to a water drops going down a pipe, so,,)

Namjoon - bury a friend; copycat 

“What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go? “

“ Perfect murder, take your aim I don't belong to anyone, but everybody knows my name”

- color scheme: pearl river; silver fox, steel wood

- empty stage, burning projectors slowly being turned off, microphone heavy in your hand, as the words that went though it start to make sense, sweaty hair, footsteps echoing in the vast space, feeling of falling down, unexpected, but comforting hug, security, the calming scent of someone you know in this new environment, tears of fear and excitement at the same time, new life, new beginning

-  words said out loud, revenge, mixed feeling of content and fast approaching emptiness, always racing thoughts, insomnia, trying to fill a void, searching for an overall meaning, 

- so bury a friend is just has all these questions man. they remind me of rm’s mind. i feel like all of them are things he had already asked himself, or themes he implies in his songs too 

- copycat is for namjoon swiftly leading a group that got a ton of criticism in the beginning and is still getting hate, but regardless he manages to stay on top, write what he feels, be a real artist and throw everything people said about bts failing back at their faces 

Min Yoongi - lovely ; you should see me in a crown 

“Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here Even if it takes all night or a hundred years Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear”

“ You should see me in a crown I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by one by, one”

- color scheme: marble white; smoke ember; royal silver;  

- dark room, cold hands, shaky breath, unable to look at each other’s eyes, fear of the outside and the inside, pocket money, long fingers pressing the out-of-tune piano keys, weary smiles, small steps

                                          (....)

 steady hands, marble walls, scent of freshly printed documents, looking through a box of old photo albums your mom sent, turning the pages a larger hand stops you from flipping the next page, two teenagers than look awfully like you two are staring back fearfully, low chuckles, eyes full of love  

- strong minds, growth, stability, strength, control, prosperity, hard work, passion, ambition

- lovely is in here because i feel like it portrays struggles with mental health and depression very well. you feel trapped and you feel like there is no one else who understands your personal hell and you are the only one who has to find a way for yourself to get out of that place. yoongi has been in such places before as we’ve heard from him and his lyrics, so i though lovely represents his struggles when he was younger

- you should see me in a crown. literally that’s all i can say, he worked for his success and he got it and he deserves it and he is killing it right now

- yall don’t know the amount of respect i got for this man and everything he has been through and i feel like these two songs portray his lowest and his highest in life and take account every struggle along the way and how he truly deserves everything he has right now 

Kim Seokjin - when the party’s over

“ Don't you know I'm no good for you I've learned to lose you, can't afford to

Don't you know too much already I'll only hurt you if you let me

Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that”

- color scheme: night snow, onyx black, muddy grey

- smell of liquor, messy steps, blurred vision, flood of thoughts, the darkest time of the night, dried streams of tears on your cheeks, your boyfriend’s hand quietly holding yours, but them you have to split ways, walking alone on the dead street, cold wind air hitting your face, but you find comfort in it, you reach home, but you can’t seem to go in; so you sit on the sidewalk, looking down; you hear distant steps; he sits down in the snow next to you; the sky slowly, but surely becomes lighter 

- quiet sadness, deeper understanding of the world, human relationships seem harder, yet simpler, timeless feeling, a sense of maturity

- this song is just a masterpiece. hear me out, i don’t think i would understand this song as well as i do now, if i have listened to it a few years back. I would have been like “oh yeah it’s sad”

-But like. no. It’s not just sad. It’s a song that shows so much maturity and experience with life that first of all, idk how billie is so young and is able to create music like that. Second of all i don’t think anyone else of bts would fit better to it, than jin 

- people tend to overlook his deeper emotions because he tends to distract from them, he always acts “silly” and tells jokes, but i feel like in songs like epiphany and awake we can see that jin really sees the world and his abilities from a much more mature point of view than other members. And i get the same vibe from billie’s song, so i feel like it would fit best for jin. 

So actually this was way longer than i planned, but yeah, this is just strictly my opinion and it was just an idea i had at 3am now, as i said, hope it’s fun to read :))

im off to bed, because i’m so sleep deprived i will start hearing colors soon 

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 29-32

I realize leaving y’all hanging for a whole year like that in the snark, where our beloved heroes Andi and Dex had just been shot in their empty little heads, was very cruel of me. You guys must’ve been just DYING to know what happened.

Quick recap: Andi & Co are space pirates. They are captured by Andi’s ex Dex and the father of Andi’s childhood friend, whom she “murdered” by landing a ship bad. He asks her to get his son, who is in a dank dark prison. Andi does the thing with the help of Dex and her ragtag bunch of generic archetypes. 

We good?

Let’s go.

Chapter 29

We interrupt the 100% totally real threat of Andi and Dex being shot to death to have another boring-ass moment with Nor. She walks around in an underground lab feeling sorry for herself and thinking about how tragic her backstory is. We’re introduced to a two-headed scientist who could’ve been interesting in the hands of actually talented authors, but who doesn’t appear in the book after this point so she’s wasted. For some reason she’s also referred to as one person when the heads are clearly different individuals? Irl when there are two heads sharing one body the heads are different people with different names. You know, because the person is stored in the brain? Idk why Shinsay did this.

“Slowly, you dolt!” the right head screeched to the left. 

The left head huffed in annoyance. “I’m merely trying to give our queen a glimpse of her new toy.” 

“It’s a wonder I’ve been able to put up with you all these years,” the right head retorted. 

“You haven’t a choice, my dear,” the left said back.

I think this is supposed to be funny, but all I can think if is how everyone’s dialogue sounds exactly the same. 

We find out that this is where Nor’s people are developing the titular Zenith (except it’s not named yet, spoilers), and Nor wants to know if they’ve made any progress.

The two-headed scientist, Aclisia, says that the weapon is ready and that they only need a test subject. Did they develop this mind-altering thing without any previous test subjects? I mean I guess it makes sense that they’d need somebody unaffected by previous versions to test out the final product, but like ... Did the previous subjects die? That doesn’t bode well. 

Anyway, the test subject they have is one of the guards on Lunamere, where Andi and Dex were in the previous chapters. Nor is displeased that the guard “let them go,” and I want you to remember this line:

“You had one of the Unified System’s most wanted fugitives in my prison. And instead of keeping her there, where she could have been persuaded to join the right side of the galaxy...you lost her. [...]”

File that away for future reference, my pretties. 

Anyway, we end the chapter without even finding out what the drug does, because Shinsay love breaking their own pace and suspense because they have to rely on cliffhangers to keep people reading. 

Chapter 30

Oh Christ oh God it’s our girl Klaren again. It’s year twenty-four and despite five years passing this woman is still all about how she’s destined to die and everything in her life is crap, which, idk, mood I guess?

Xen Ptera is losing the war and Klaren is sick because of all the poison air or whatever. The king wants her to hide because enemy troops are closing in, and Klaren takes another moment to think about how she wasn’t supposed to fall in love and yadda yadda. 

Who’s ready for another Smaasism?

She wished she could go back. She wished she could change that passionate night they had shared, the careless days after and the tonic she’d forgotten to take...

tOnIC

You’d think in advanced space times they’d have more reliable birth control. 

Also ... wouldn’t the king expect an heir anyway? Like, we’ve seen that even the title of “general” is inherited in this shitfest of a universe, so wouldn’t he eventually catch on and insist on having a kid? Or if she claimed she couldn’t produce one, surely there would be tech to get around that? Idk. For all the future-sight this bitch had, she sure didn’t have any common sense. 

Klaren tells the king to take Nor and fuck off, and Darai says something about how she’s the strongest Yielded and how she must fulfill her duty. 

Which apparently includes going into the battlefield, which is conveniently right outside the palace, and mind-control General Cortas into wanting to fuck her so bad he forgot she was his enemy. 

Her husband was wrong. 

Hope was not dead. 

Hope, in the form of the queen’s sacrifice, had only just flickered to life.

This is framed as tragic and beautiful but she is about to mind-rape a man for years soooo get ready for some extremely uncomfortable shit.

Chapter 31

We’re back in Andi’s POV, except it’s still a fucking flashback. This time it’s to when Andi was still Kalee’s Spectre and lived with Valen and the other dingdongs. And then we get actually good writing?

During meals, when Andi and the other Spectres stood guard, she’d watch him curiously. Valen usually sat in the farthest seat from his father, hunched forward as if he were battling some deep, silent pain. Sometimes she’d catch him staring at her with his strange, unblinking hazel eyes, his paint-stained fingers gripping his golden fork like a weapon he didn’t want to use.

Like I’m into this. It’s showing and not telling, mysterious and intriguing without being on the nose, and for once Andi doesn’t have all the cards and knows what Valen is inside and out, so his character doesn’t become obvious. Like, he’s battling some pain, but he’s also reluctant to use a weapon? That could mean anything! In a good way!

This good chunk is also immediately ruined by the following descriptions, which point out that indeed, all the other kids talk about Valen and how WEEEEYOOORDDD he is, and how he’s constantly covered in paint, because that’s what artists look like, I guess. Catch me bodyslamming a freshly painted park bench to prove I know color theory.

We’re also told that Valen never got a personal Spectre for spooooooky reasons. He just doesn’t feel like a proper part of the family, ya know? I wonder that it all could meeeeaaaaaan. 

This is all told to us just so we can revisit the part where Valen tries to stop Andi and Kalee from going on a joyride. Kalee insults him for a bit, and then Valen drops some more foreshadowy dialogue about how he hopes this birthday is everything Kalee wants it to be. 

Subtle. 

Chapter 32

OH MY GOD WE’RE IN LIRA’S POV NOW. YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE SHINSAY, WE KNOW YOU WOULDN’T MURDER YOUR PRECIOUS CELAENA AND RHYSAND RIPOFFS IN CHAPTER 29 WHEN THERE’S A BILLION MORE CHAPTERS LEFT.

Lira has been literally counting seconds since they left Andi. 

Yeah.

She recaps everything that happened three chapters ago, saying they executed their secret plan with the “ultimate amount of finesse” before noting that despite obeying Andi’s direct orders to run, she feels like a traitor. 

Your captain is in chains, a voice whispered in the back of her mind. You should be by her side. Instead, you’re running. 

All you ever do is run.

I have literally no idea how this is even a little bit relevant considering that they’re waiting for Andi and Dex to return and aren’t moving anywhere. By the way, Andi and Dex are thirty minutes late. Which freaks Lira out because THAT WASN’T IN THE PLAN. 

Her scales start freaking out and she’s about to overheat. Holy shit, how are you still alive? 

Honestly, this is a pretty accurate depiction of someone with an anxiety disorder, but I think we’re supposed to think Lira is emotional or analytical or loyal or whatever. I doubt Shinsay have the finesse required to write something like this on purpose, so this just reads as incompetence. 

Apparently Andi said that if they’re late, the girls are supposed to flee and save themselves, and Lira is starting to get antsy. 

Ok so ... just moments ago you were worried about how you’re always running away. So why is your first instinct when your beloved captain is THIRTY MINUTES LATE to book it? Like. Calm the fuck down. Thirty fucking minutes, in space? Can you chill??? 

Lira whines more about how this is the second time this week that she’s second-in-command and she hates it. Hey why not give that responsibility to Breck, who’s always calming everyone down? Would that make too much sense? 

Lira goes to her room to mope and angst about how she likes being alone. It’s riveting. She thinks about how this crew is her SOUL and how much she LOVES them. Which we can see by her sitting alone in her room thinking about how much she loves them, obviously.

She continues to angst about how her dad died of Space Plague, and her mom became a drunk because ... Idk, that’s what moms do in books like these. But lo, she and her brother got taken in by their Cool Aunt, who then wanted them to Do Things when they grew up, and Lira doesn’t want to Do Things, she wants to fly around and Crime. 

So she left her home planet because her Cool Aunt wanted her to Do Too Much Stuff, and the weight of her expectations crushed Lira, who must soar the skies like the beautiful bald blue bird she is. 

The other girls interrupt this godawful exposition dump by inviting Lira to play some Not!Pokémon. And we get this exchange, which I included in my review, and yes, it’s real:

“Hope is a raging asshole,” Gilly said. 

“Explain to me, Gilly,” Breck said with a sigh, “how exactly can an asshole rage?”

Lira choked on a sudden, unexpected laugh. “I swear, the two of you. You were both born with my brother’s sarcastic soul.”

This bloated and repetitive nonsense that apparently passes for character development is interrupted by Alfie, who’s gotten out of the waste bay. We’re reminded that this ship doesn’t have any mechanics, because of course, and Alfie makes a reference about how the ship’s AI’s voice is turning him on. 

It appears Lira has gotten a message from Soy to come and get Andi and Dex.

*sigh*