#idk i’m tired and there’s no where else
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Today on Pop Culture Addressed By Ancient Theologians: Does Free Guy synthesize the tension between will and intellect as the vehicles of ultimate human bliss as seen in Thomistic medieval theology?
#I’m Tired so my thoughts are jumbled but if the Franciscans were like the will ie act of love is the ultimate experience of happiness and#Aquinas was like um actually to will something means something is unfulfilled ie wanting and that’s not perfect#but perfect knowledge can be perfect because people want it for itself therefore intellect gives us happiness in contemplating God#yeah#does free Guy resolve that tension in its world view by going#freedom to choose is only present where love is present as the lens by which we see the world?#wait idk but like#Jody and the parallel world of Guy attain happiness not only when they will for love’s sake but when they see love#like there has to be the willing and eternal/constant/continual humming yes! of the will and the intellectual Knowing/Seeing the Love#idk too big for me#whatever else this is teaching me I’m naturally inclined toward the Franciscans#pov#like I get what St Thomas is saying and he definitely is making points but I’m like nerd. where is the love#and it is there of course but he gets so caught up in the understanding cause he likes to understand! that IS how he loves!#but im like if you haven’t used the word love at least 99 times in your principle statement what even are you#sgjhdsgovc#anyway the answer is it’s both and you can’t split the hairs too fine#but only to understand how they fit together#love is willing (yes!) and seeing (also saying yes!)#so when Pieper was like love is saying it’s good that you exist#it’s the assent to (with the will) and the seeing of (with the intellect)#idk processing processing lots of thoughts
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:)
#i’m so fucking done honestly#i’m so sick of feeling like shit#like how can i not have ONE good day lmaoooooooo it’s so stupid. as soon as things are going kinda well it’s just like 📉#everything hurts and i’m so fucking tired and i’m so dizzy and disoriented all the time#i don’t feel real i feel like im on a separate plane of existence than everyone else or even from where i was last year#i feel so locked out from the rest of society like what is even fucking going on#god i feel like shit#and it never ends either#it just continues to get worse#i’m so done#i just want to be done but nope i have years and years of this ahead of me#fuck#anyways#fuck it we ball!! :D#everything’s fine i’m just exhausted and idk how im going to make it through this year#but it’s fine i have good friends and family#it’ll be fine
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i could write an essay on how the character’s clothes in one piece show their emotional journey. i think about it so much.
#ESPECIALLY NAMI!!!#like. just look at her romance dawn outfit vs literally everything else she wears#yes she’s covering the tattoo but like. she’s unbothered in only a bra in little garden. she wears just a bikini top in skypiea.#she’s finally free and her clothes symbolize that!!! she’s able to wear what she wants instead of something to either hide or showcase the#tattoo. and once she has the coverup she’s almost always showing it.#i’m tired idk if this is cohesive but. i think about her so much.#where’s the post about asl wearing each other’s colors.#and how it shows who they’re thinking about. sabo’s only blue bc of amnesia. luffy’s always wearing all three but it’s really emphasized#post timeskip. ace has little if any blue because that’s how he dealt with the grief of sabo’s ‘death’#and robin wears mostly dull colors pre timeskip and the first time we see her again her clothes are bright#she wears yellow in skypiea (fun with her new captain!) but it’s a dull yellow. enies lobby is all black. she gets some color back in#thriller bark. brook also comes back after the timeskip with brighter colors bc he’s not lonely anymore.#i’m stopping here but i could keep going.#one piece
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Old man yaoi is OUT, old woman yuri is IN💖
#old man yaoi#yuri#out with the old in the with old#the dream is to grow old with someone of the same sex and sit on our rocking chairs waiting for the paperboy bc we have nothing else to do#I’m tired idk#lin beifong#kya ii#old woman yuri#Zukka nation has been fed already#but the lesbians live off of crumbs😔✊#seriously there’s like two frames in the entirety of Tlok where they are visible together#aghhhhhhhhh
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came back to dance on tumblr live’s grave
#and also idk where else i can talk about what’s happening#i’m losing my job and i won’t have a home and i’ll have to go back to my parents#i’m in so much burnout but i can’t say it because i have to Be Strong or whatever#i’m so Tired
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“I’ll be fine i just need to uhhhhhhh idk kill” but like…what if i did haha
#my stuff#dear diary and the several thousand mfs who can see it. Despite arguably good academic performance today feels like a bad day#bc i skipped lab to take a nap#and i feel lonely and incapable of connecting more than superficially with my classmates#like i can talk to them and i do and we get along well but i never…hang out w em#or at least not as much as they seem to without me#it’s not a malicious thing i think a huge part of it is groups of ppl living or working in the same space#and i’m in a different lab building than a lot of ppl#idk…struggling to find anything that sparks joy. unable to see the future with optimism#it’s just day after day of Job where i’ll beat myself up on weekends if i don’t do Even More Work#bc that’s the nature of grad school. always homework or literature review to do like i give a shit abt the latter#i don’t care what other people are doing i don’t wanna obsessively comb through journals to make sure i’m doing Brand New Shit#i want it to stop#i don’t want to read anymore. i don’t wanna have to worry about my job outside of work.#i want to cry and scream and#like i don’t wanna quit after i worked so hard to get here#i don’t wanna wuss out#but i’m always tired. i’m never rested or relaxed or truly enjoying myself#why is this only hard for me…how tf is everyone else able to read and remember and understand this much??#like yeah maybe i should be on adhd meds but those are fuckin spensive and a pain in the ass to get#i’m tired of being tough#i want to curl into a ball and be told it’s going to be okay and that i can rest and have it not be a lie or a half measure
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Not sure I’m going to end up having time to write my Halloween fic after all 😞
#it was just basically Steve decides to get Eddie a Halloween present after Eddie tells him how Halloween is *his* holiday#like it’s Xmas Valentine’s etc all rolled into one#and also because it’s the first Halloween where his hellfire and corroded coffin buddies are all not there or busy with something else*#*I thought it might be the kids’ first teenager party#and he’s kind of bummed so yeah#and now I’m too tired to explain the rest and idk why I’m doing this anyway haha#but it’s honestly not very Halloween-y and probably disappointing as a Halloween fic anyway haha#misc#tbd
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Idk about y’all but I think Deadpool & Wolverine is putting my faith back into Marvel a little because it was honestly one of the best Marvel movies I’ve seen in a hot minute
Spoilers/rant in tags!!! 🏷️
#spoilers in tags fair warning!!!#rant in tags fair warning!!!#relatable#lol#a day in star’s wacky life#deadpool & wolverine#Deadpool 3#okay so my opinion lately on Marvel stuff is that everything’s been going downhill since Endgame (a very basic opinion but idc)#like I did not like Endgame; Eternals was visually beautiful but not good in other aspects;#and I feel like Marvel movies now are made to be a ‘watch once and never again’ thing where you can’t rewatch movies or else it’ll worsen#over each watch which sucks because movies shouldn’t be made like that#and that now it’s obviously becoming a ploy to make money over quality stuff#but idk Deadpool & Wolverine was so good that I know that I can watch again and still enjoy it#like yeah there were some typical Marvel stuff in the movie (like Vanessa and Wade being broken up??? why does every Marvel couple now-#up in between movies??? they did it with so many characters to ‘give them development’ but honestly it’s stupid and instead ruins a lot of-#the character development the character made in the movie before and is now just a way to make the character be like ‘im brokenhearted so-#I can’t be serious anymore and need to laugh through my pain teehee’ like no that’s dumb and I’m tired of it Marvel)#but anyways even with the few typical Marvel ‘sense of humor’ it felt more like making fun of it since it’s ya know Deadpool#and it seemed like it was something people had fun making so it made it more fun#idk I might just be falling back into the whole Marvel thing but I thought it was great and I loved seeing Channing Tatum as Gambit#like he was amazing as Gambit istg I would kill to see him be Gambit in another movie and be exactly like how he was here
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I’ve been dreading playing CoM again bc I’m in Atlantica and I hate it here. The enemies are ALL basically floating bc WATER AND AGH.
#me playing chain of memories#chain of memories#I’ve done a deck where I have no sleights bc my sleights cannot actually reach them#and it’s made me so mad guys I’m tired😭😭. I wish I chose somewhere else but ofc I went in order of the#KH 1 worlds. tho I intend to never go to Atlantica in my KH 1 playthrough#or maybe I will IDK GUYS BUT ANYWAYS YES I DIDNT FORGET IM BACK ON IT#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts chain of memories
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lmao
#saw someone saying people give JL the characteristics of LJY in order to ship zhuiling and#??????#that doesn’t make any sense to me because I’ve never read any zhuiling fics where either of them are OOC or switched characteristics#because you really don’t need to in order for zhuiling to work???#my dude#JL and LSZ are canonically close friends /because/ of how well their personalities get along with each other#like it’s literally canon that JL ends up being close to LSZ because of LSZ being so patient and supportive with him#idk what else to tell you#except sorry you hate a fictional ship so much that you gotta fabricate reasons to dislike it??#what I usually do if I don’t like a certain thing in a fandom#is ignore it and go on with my life bc it’s not that serious#but go off I guess lmfAO#anyway#delete later#also reminder that I’m not going to argue with you over this so don’t bother#apple babble 🍎#since the headcanon of them being related has been debunked over and over#i feel like people just grasp at straws to shit on zhuiling specifically and it’s so wild like#how do you never get tired of being so crusty 💀
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Random idea that I need to say now before I forget but
Ice cream parlor employee Mike x Café Barista Will
Imagine, Mike getting off after work, he’s freezing because for some reason where he works they believe they’ve got to freeze the employees as much as the ice cream.
He decides to stop by the café near his apartment, it’s pretty empty giving the time of night but Will is still there working. Mike can’t help but think he fits in with his warm brown hair and soft looking sweater.
He orders something he can’t remember and spends the rest of his time there staring at the cute guy behind the counter
(I made this TWO days ago and I thought tumblr deleted it, I was so sad, but it’s HERE in a
✨ r e s t o r e d✨
draft!!!! :D )
#this is so random#it really is just an imagine#idk where I’d even go with this#I’m a sucker for pining Mike#Will is also pining but I can’t write it atm since I’m supposed to be doing something else#byler#byler imagines#byler fic#mike wheeler#will byers#I am so tired haha#I feel like o have been floating since like 2 days ago and it shows in all of my conversations:D#look all I’m saying is Will is chocolate and peanut butter personified#he is cozy hot chocolate in the fall >:l#he is warm energy in cool weather#and Mike is just appreciating these facts in a very gay way#let him have his silly crush on the silly barista across from his parlor >:0000#(I’m saying this like any of y’all are arguing with me)#stranger things
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fresh out of hoots to give
#in other news local election season is coming up—#uaaaaaaaa fr though i’ve spent the last few days thinking about what the perks of living in this country were#and all i could come up with was ‘w. we have p o k em o n c e n t re’#and igggggg the fact that we can go from one end of the country to the other within 2 hours via public transport is kinda baller?????#i mean. we used to have cheap and good food 10y ago (like $2.20 for a bowl of noodles) but said noods would set you back $4.50 nowadays#like. idk. i can’t find it in myself to care about the things around me anymore. i’m too tired for thissssssss#then again. life here is the only life i’ve ever known. and i really can’t be bothered to think of what it’d be like to live somewhere else#hm. idk. i seriously have no idea how expats turned prs have a stronger sense of national pride than i do……..#i mean. it’s great that they love it here. but. what is there even here to love? u ni v ers a l stu d ios? the pok e m o n cent r e?#now that i think about it. where do tourists even go here??? aside from the national museum bc it’s baller as heck (biased) that is…#hm. guess i’ll never know. oh wells.#inedible blubbering
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Slept for two hours last night and now I’m at church up in the sound system contemplating jumping off the balcony 🤪
#why am i like this#I’m like tired but also not tired but also my head is a little fuzzy#also dissociating#haven’t had breakfast either 😞#and does anybody else get that glitch where when they put an emoji on the post some of the text disappears?#but it’s like still there but you can’t see it?#just me? okay#it’s been happening recently idk what changed
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ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?
going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.
#not rly on discord servers for the same reason tbh#got tired of trying to interject my awkward attempts at participation#I mean people can still @ me but i just don’t have it in me for the server stuff#my social perception is low enough that I can’t tell what the right move is but high enough I know when I fucked up#idk if I’m just not built for larger groups or if it’s something else :(#wish I knew so I could work around it but it’s not exactly a perfect experiment#so w/e. I do kind of miss it a bit but I also feel like my absence doesn’t make a difference#which is a sad thought in itself but that’s how it goes#idk I think in general I’m in a weird spot where I make an impression but it’s never a vital one to the dynamic ?#I do sometimes doubt like. what I bring to interactions in general lately#doesn’t feel like much if I’m being honest. I mean I think I’m at least moderately interesting but djfjf who knows#weirdly settled with myself as a person but I’m thinking that cost is probably an isolating one#knowing a lot of people just never breaking past that surface level#sucks. not much else to describe it as.#idk I’m sure this is bad for me but I think I’ve kind of already messed up first impressions#it’s so stupid but I keep encountering the same dynamic of either we Click fairly quickly or we just don’t really at all#and I feel like that’s wrong of me bc I know some people need time but unless that initial click happens I just seem to falter??#idk idk idk I guess lately it’s like I feel alone/lonely but I don’t feel like I’m wanting to return to anything#bc I never felt like I really had a place there to start with#weird feeling. very weird feeling.#logging back off now dhjfkf
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Got called mopy and moody and an overall killjoy for not enjoying the one (1) party experience I had in February of last year cuz I kept getting left alone at a party so I just sat and had nachos 🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻
#it all started cuz I am still confused on what we’re doing for this weekend cuz bestie here isn’t articulating clearly#I ask about Halloween and she says they’re going to the club cuz no one goes on a Tuesday#I wouldn’t know I’ve never gone to one since I don’t ever wanna go alone and no one asks#then she said it’s for a friend’s birthday AFTER I asked if we should take the birthday girl out to a rage room or axe throwing cuz the bday#bday girl had shown interest in it before but it got shut down fast#by this point I still don’t know what club they wanna go to let alone what day but I do get told that since I tire out faster then them#that I’ll have to go home alone and that is just raining alarms in my head cuz I’m guessing it’s in Toronto and they’ve turned into Gotham#it’s such a shit show during the day so I know it’s gonna be worse at night with the cover of darkness#and did she not hear of that story of these 2 girls who nearly got TRAFFICKED BY THEIR UBER???and she wants me to use one alone??#in toronto???? bro I ain’t risking shit for some place I don’t know the name or address for#and says that she’s been clear this whole time on what’s going on and doesn’t want a repeat of last time#when idk if it’s just me but the only clear thing here is that I’m not really wanted for the night out#cuz clear would be saying where and when and also who and how which I never got any of that but she keeps saying she did tell me but didn’t#the first written convo was just her asking the birthday girl if they should dress up as tiana and Belle#and I ask if they’re gonna wear gowns cuz it’s gonna be cold out#all she says is we’ll be inside and when I ask I get no answer just more costume suggestions the next day#the second time it’s breathed is when we’re on the phone and I ask about what we doing for Halloween#she says that we’re clubbing and I ask if we ain’t doing anything else like the seasonal shit we can’t do any other time#she just says no and tells me I can stay home after I suggest a few things and she calls them childish#like going to a haunted corn maze or the Halloween event at casa loma cuz yes getting spooked is childish#I even threw in axe throwing cuz bday girl has been stressed and thought she might like it#then today I ask if I should go up for the weekend cuz idk wtf is going on still and it’s been almost 2 weeks and there’s a mini argument in#the group chat with her saying the same 2 things. we clubbing and you’ll have to go home alone#birthday girl is just as confused on who’s going but says that on Friday we can go to a movie and dinner so I’m not left out#so at least I get somewhat of an answer on if going up is worth it or if I’m getting ditched the whole weekend#so at least if I’m going back up I can make plans to hang out with her brother and whoever else wants to hang#idk maybe see a movie or go to the mall or something#like shit at least give me all the info to decide if I wanna go especially music cuz that first and last party did not have good music tbh#I know if at least enjoy myself at a 90’s/2000’s party cuz I like that but nope I don’t even get that#just club or bust essentially :/ and it seems I be bust by what she said
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man im really fucking bad at hanging out with people no wonder i have like two friends
#sometimes it’s worse than usual and tonight was one of those times#I just. couldn’t get myself to be interested in doing anything they wanted to do#just was not having a good time and for no real reason#also every time they talk about stuff they do with other friends and whatever it hits unreasonably hard that oh yeah! I don’t have#other friends. like everyone else does. I don’t do anything or see anyone. I just obsess over a special interest and rot in my room#and it’s completely my own fault because I can’t fucking socialize#idk but anyway that’s just. a part of it. aside from that i was just. yeah not interested in anything#I wasn’t even tired or lethargic or anything like I usually am so it’s just a fucking waste of everyone’s time including mine#that I’m. like this#idk. I should drink a lot more next time. probably.#im more sociable and actually somewhat enjoyable to be around that way. sucks that it takes so fucking much to get me drunk lol#god I hate being like this I hate that social conditions have to be so specific or else my brain short circuits like this#I honestly think it was largely something to do with there being two people hanging out that usually aren’t there#even if they’re not new people to me or anything and they’re friends and all#I guess I was just kind of only in the headspace to hang out way more casually with the two main people I tend to be around the most#conveniently the two people who have played yakuza and aren’t as annoyed by me playing it or talking about it or whatever#I hate being so consumed by interests like this where I literally don’t want to talk about anything else basically#I wish I could actually infodump to my friends#but yeah . only one of them I sorta do that to and even that I’m just. idk I still feel like I can very easily be too much#there’s something very wrong with me#and now I’m gonna feel bad the rest of the week because that was my only shot at social interaction for the week. and now I’ll be in my room#being. the mentally ill husk of a person that I am the rest of the week.#woohoo#im going to split my skull open I hate this I hate being so bad at being a person#kibumblabs
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