#idk i started this post with a point and lost it halfway through im just excited okay

[brainrot-stitch]

How 2 do well in school, which is starting soon, no glue no borax

[skittles-in-dungeon]

okay so ive read the manga which means i know whats coming up in the anime and theyve been doing two chapters per episode and the next two chapters are 41 and 42, in which izutsumi is introduced and laios goes into marcilles nightmare respectively, so those should be in next weeks episode if they keep going with that pattern

(on another note, the ice golem and barometz should be the episode after next week's, and then the canaries show up so weve got a couple weeks yet till anime-only people learn about them so im excited for that (i say this genuinely, its been so neat seeing others react to the anime even if im not watching it))(but also if its two chapters per episode then the canaries episode is also gonna introduce some plot-relevant characters and im So Excited About It)

(aka we'll be getting Into It in like. three weeks from now plot-wise and just!!!!!!! excitement!!!!!!!!!!)

anyways. dogboy laios is real even if they absolutely didnt get the vibes for the animation right and if they shoulda kept the va doing the barking instead of a dog barking clip

[frizzy-frizz-frizz]

"the kevjean dynamic has me in a chokehold i cant stop thinking about them." SAME and I think its so valid of us there's too little of them out there whether it's romantic or platonic it's actually a crime

"i should reread it again" lmao that's exactly what I'm doing I'm currently halfway through chapter 3 (now 5 now the sequel and I'm done i might reread it again now since its complete). Also lost??? Omg you're so so correct here. "But if only you could see yourself in my eyes you'd see you shine, you shine I know you'd never leave me behind but I am lost this time" you are so so correct here

"these three will be the end of me i swear." THIS ENTIRE PARAGRAPH WILL BE THE END OF ME I SWEAR

"even the AGES are right." I KNOW HOW DOES IT FIT SO WELL

"my interpretation is VERY self indulgement." Self indulge away I'm here for it

"i associate my tears ricochet with post-baltimore kandrew." Lmao listen I thought this but then I was like perhaps that's too controversial idk but I'm so glad you went for it anyway

"FIRMLY believe andrew has had some horrible horrible thoughts about being like every person who's hurt kevin." I AM SO WITH YOU HERE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT

"listen those two are practically melded together okay" they rlly rlly are okay I'm in the middle of Andrews pov in tnotg sequel and I'm having feelings

"SOBBING THESE TWO THEY END ME I WILL NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT THEM" hurting each other = hurting themselves

"once again, about kevin running away to the foxes and jean being at the nest" ykw this is such a valid interpretation but I refuse to believe that they didn't at least somewhat repair their relationship post canon okay I need them to be roommates okay

"BUT for extra sad you can remember all the drafts nora wrote where Jean died." BABE LITERALLY WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO REMEMBER THAT I ACTIVELY TRY AND NOT THINK ABOUT THAT I'm so fucking glad we had him joining the trojans instead that's so so much happier I remember the previous drafts and I need to lie the fuck down

"Andrew digging his heels and yet following Kevin and he promises andrew the world and them drags him towards it" YOU GET IT they were fucking attached at the hip

I am now actually incapable of listening to willow without thinking of kandrew the same way I can't listen to liability without thinking of kevin or dorothea without kevneil or two birds without kevjean

YOUVE ADDED THIS IS ME TRYING listen the way this song gets to me "I had the shiniest wheels now they're rusting" Literally him breaking his hand "Could've followed my fears all the way down" KEVIN "I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here" is this not him going from a raven to a fox???? "but I didn't pour the whiskey" the song's also about alcohol addiction this song's now linked to him in my head

Okay I have listened to silence before but with them??? "I found peace in your violence" yes I can see this "Can't show me there's no point in trying" is this not the entire point of their deal??? Kevin constantly trying to get him to try and to give him something to build his life around??? But also in reverse andrew giving him the chance to learn how to play again??? "I'm in need of a savior but I'm not asking for favors" GODDAMN "I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring" andrew core

I'm not ok is so pre-canon kandrew the way I dont even know which lyrics to start quoting first "I can be a handful but that's why you have two hands" lmao accurate I don't even know which one of them that could refer to "I can be a danger, danger for you" I THINK IM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO QUOTE THE WHOLE SONG "Too many issues, so I wouldn't blame you" ITS THEM???

505??? I LOVE 505 "If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive" yk how in tnotg andrew flies to Boston bc kevins team would be there. Sorry I'm never shutting up about this fic ever "I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck or I did last time I checked" I NEED A MOMENT SHIT HOW DID I FORGET THIS LINE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WHY WOULD YOU SUGGEST THIS IM NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO MOVE PAST THIS OH MY GOD "But I crumble completely when you cry" BABE YOU KNOW THAT ONE BIT IN TNOTG SEQUEL "If Andrew turns his head now, and finds Kevin quietly crying, it'll be the only thing that has ever happened to him." Yeah I'm def rereading this the way I can never stop thinking of it its THE kandriel post canon fic. "It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye" Post graduation vibes everytime they meet they know it won't last long FUCK I'm obsessed with this song with them you've given me crack

I am not a robot okay okay you mention a song by marina and you've got my attention with every lyric I keep flip flopping between who the song is talking about "You've been acting awful tough lately smoking a lot of cigarettes lately" bc this is clearly andrew right but then "you don't always have to be on top better to be hated than loved loved loved for what you're not" which is so kevin??? Lowkey the way raven fans turned on him when he joined the foxes "I'm vulnerable I am not a robot" this could honestly be either of them the way both of them are viewed by the ppl around them

WOLVES WITHOUT TEETH YOURE SO RIGHT FOR THIS “Open my chest and colour my spine” I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START WITH THIS the idea that andrew was doing his best to hold up kevins spine for like months until he could do it himself "I'll be the blood if you'll be the bones" I don't know why but in my mind kevin is clearly the blood while andrew is the bones "hover like a hummingbird haunt me in my sleep" they were fucking attached at the hip obsessed with each other and OKAY SO THE CHORUS you would not believe what i found on genius lyrics "They are not running from the physical thing, but from what the thing represents emotionally. A wolf prostrate and panting is seeking permission for something, it wants it, but needs consent. The “tearing with out teeth” is the emotional pain of the mutual love and attraction they share, but cannot express." I actually can't look at this any other way now wtf was this person on when they wrote this annotation why does it work so well for them my god "how can I keep you inside my lungs" listen I'm sorry to keep bringing up tnotg but also tnotg andrew to kevin

Ghost of you by 5sos kinda reminds me of kandrew but like post baltimore (PLS I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS BEFORE YOU SENT THAT ASK and yes you absolutely should create a kandrew playlist if you want i'll be here for it) yk the whole missing someone who isn't there's anymore "still can't sleep on your side" them not being able to sleep in the same bed bc of a whole host of issues for both of them but also bc kevins gone and moved out "dancing through our house with the ghost of you" he's not there anymore when he's been within arms reach before "when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt" LIKE ITS THEM

Also idk if this is bc I've just started twisting every song I listen to until it relates to aftg but endgame for kandriel??? Like first part is Kandrew the second verse is kevineil and third verse is andriel?? This either works rlly well and I'm correct or I've completely lost my mind (but like "I protect you with my life...reconnected when we were little bit older...i hit you like bang...calling my bluff on all my usual tricks"???)

Have you considered Dollhouse by Melanie bc it lowkey describes the nest/perfect court the idea that the public sees smth that it totally false while shit is going down behind the scene like "everyone thinks that we're perfect please don't let them look through the curtains" "smile for the picture pose with your brother"

LAST WORDS OF A SHOOTING STAR IN ON YOUR PLAYLIST "All of this turbulence wasn’t forecasted" him expecting to stay at the nest for college and then having to leave and all the drama that came after "I am relieved I left my room tidy" HIS ROOM AT THE NEST and when neil was there and it was like all perfectly preserved "they’ll never know how I’d stared at the dark in that room with no thoughts" again the nest?? It has just occurred to me that this could apply to jean as well "my dreams made music in the night" both of them dreaming of being able to get out one day "I was going to live" THEM FINALLY BEING ABLE TO LEAVE "you’d say you love me and look in my eyes but I know through mine you were looking in yours" okay okay but is this not kevin and rikos entire relationship riko looking at kevin but only viewing himself through it bc kevin was just an extension of himself and not his own person

Also Life on your playlist works so well???? "twenty-two and confused" this is like nothing new all over again bc HOW DOES THE AGE FIT "broken miss America" kevin being one of America's sweethearts is like so personal to me. WHICH REMINDS ME Miss America and the Heartbreak prince fits so so well for kandrew I feel like I've definitely seen someone mention it somewhere but I can't for the life of me remember who or where but god does it work I mean "I saw the scoreboard and ran for my life" pls see the vision I need your opinion

Queen of the night also works so well for them you're right EVERY LINE IS SO THEM "I've bandaged your bruises you've held back my hair who'd've known when this started that we'd end up here" pre canon to post canon them growing into ppl who can be good to and for each other "you reach out and touch me, say my name like a prayer" I need to go lie down how dare you suggest this song "all my friends say you're dangerous but I don't fucking care" okay my first thought was pre-canon ppl warning them to stay away from each other bc kevin could potentially bring down the mafia on andrew and Andrews whole stay away I'm dangerous vibe but like the only friends they had pre canon were like jean and renee??? So lol no there was no-one telling them to keep away from each other "This holy redemption tears us in two but I can't turn my back to you" Post baltimore divorce era vibes babe "one hand on the wheel and one hand on my thigh" lmao listen its a cliche but I feel like andrew would enjoy it with like Kevin or Neil in the passenger seat as long as no one is watching them "you're kissing my fingers, and I kiss your tattoo's" HOW DARE YOU RECOMMEND THIS SONG TO ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE THIS also I'm a strong believer of multiple tattoos older kevin (his dad has them and there's this one fanart by lucky-slice that's so lovely and you can rip this out of my cold dead hands). "and talk shit forever" lmao domestic kandriel shit talking ppl and gossiping is my jam

This got long I'm slightly concerned it won't send lol

line break for my lovely mutuals <3

lol my answers is just as long and i lowkey wanna post this without a paragraph break and plague people's dash

'there's too little of them out there whether it's romantic or platonic it's actually a crime' RIGHT?? kevjean is soooo scarce so of course we get to make everything about them. their specific dynamic is just so special and i am hooked on it

SAME im currently rereading tnotg this series is my lifeline. dayurno is a genius i owe them my life

' Lmao listen I thought this but then I was like perhaps that's too controversial idk but I'm so glad you went for its anyway' I couldnt bear to remove it!! i have so many feeling about this song i had to sit there and process it bear to remove this song not when it so so perfect and i am always in need of more material about the

YES someone agrees with me about my tears ricochet this is so validating. and YEAH the cherry liquor ice cream in the tnotg sequel!! i was never the same. i think of that scene a lot while listening to this song. they are SO- canonically attached at the hip kandrew really will end me huh 'Lmao listen I thought this but then I was like perhaps that's too controversial idk but I'm so glad you went for it anyway' oh there was no way i was skipping THIS SONG i have sooo many feeling about it its essential kandrew divorce era shit

i am DESPERATE for kevin and jean to get something of a happy ending I want them to find peace so badly they will absolutely rebuild post canon this is not up for argument.....but I may or may not read an unhealthy amount of kevjean agnst. but honestly if nora had killed off jean after ALL OF THAT I would've just put the book down right then and there i couldn't that bro i COULDNT

"they were fucking attached at the hip" they were they really were like- knowing each schedule and every little habit THEY ARE BASICALLY MARRIED

YEAH willow is so so perfect i listen to it on repeat i cant help it and i understand you so completely its impossible to separate liability and kevin in my mind now

' "I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here" is this not him going from a raven to a fox??? ' god yes this lyrics is what did it for me. this song is so so so inherently kevin with his stubbron single minded focus. kevin who's never done anything halfway flying or fighting or falling. ' "but I didn't pour the whiskey" the song's also about alcohol addiction this song's now linked to him in my head' YES YES cause it is absolutely criminal how little his alcoholism is addressed in this fandom i NEED more fics where its a main plot point.

' is this not the entire point of their deal??? Kevin constantly trying to get him to try and to give him something to build his life around??? But also in reverse andrew giving him the chance to learn how to play again??? ' akdnfnsjnndj YEAH YOU GET IT ITS SO THEM i cant believe it took me so long to consider this but now. i cannot stop.

'I THINK IM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO QUOTE THE WHOLE SONG "Too many issues, so I wouldn't blame you" ITS THEM ' JUST THE WHOLE SONG I COULDNT BELIEVE IT WASNT WRITTEN FOR THEM

"yk how in tnotg andrew flies to Boston bc kevins team would be there" not andrew Afraid Of Heights minyard getting on a fucking plane to got to an EXY event of all things just cause kevin will be there and- ngl that was may favourite kandrew scene in tnotg its PERFECT I LOVE IT. 505 KILLED ME AND BROUGHT ME BACK TO LIFE THAT LINE JUST ENDED ME RIGHT THERE HOW IS IT JUST SO- if i have to be stuck on this forever so do you "BABE YOU KNOW THAT ONE BIT IN TNOTG SEQUEL" EXACTLY you get it!! I was actually rereading tnotg when 505 came on and I FROZE it was SO PERFECT. I feel you I'd forgotten that lyric existed but now I listen to it on repeat I cant stop its so so so perfect it might as well be crack

'I keep flip flopping between who the song is talking about' right?? and every other line could be about either of them god they are so complementary but also theyre so much more alike than people realise at first and this song shows that so well. THIS WHOLE SONG IS BASICALLY KANDREW ARGUING BACK AND FORTH DONT YOU SEE "andrew, mockcingly: Who you never really liked and you never trusted But you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins", "kevin: Never committing to anything, You don't pick up the phone when it ring, ring, rings", "both of them: Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing"

' "I'll be the blood if you'll be the bones" I don't know why but in my mind kevin is clearly the blood while andrew is the bones' I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT!! it just fits so well?? youre right. And no no PLEASE continue mentioning tnotg i actually added this song because of tnotg. remember that one scene where neil thought andrew would slash his chest open for kevin and kevin walk into his chest and never look back?? YEA this exactly. omg omg i hadnt see the analysis of the song "I actually can't look at this any other way now wtf was this person on when they wrote this annotation why does it work so well for them my god" SAME this now lives rent free in my head i cant see it any other way either

'Ghost of you by 5sos kinda reminds me of kandrew but like post baltimore (PLS I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS BEFORE YOU SENT THAT ASK ' THE COINCEDNCE LMAO. no no but youre right and this song is so them like im supposed to hear "and i chase it down with a shot of truth, that my feet dont dance like they did with you" and NOT think of those dramatic fuckers?? when its clearly about them finding their sides feeling too empty?? their schedules out of balance?? their steps ungraceful after each movement was complementary...steps in a dance....give and take....at eqilibrium with each other for years?? how does one walk when the constant comforting weight by their side has been ripped away leaving bruised skin in his wake?? disgracefully that's how.

ENDGAME i hadnt considered BUT YOURE RIGHT I SEE IT. or maybe my brain is the saame and twits everything into being all about these exny idiots...perhaps we'll never know. immediately the kandreil of it all with the "oh and i got big enemies" and these dramatics fucks and their very different reputations. and THEN "you hold me down and i protect you with my life" VERSE ONE COMING IN WITH KANDREW.

i really really like the kevneil portion in endgame sooo much tho ' "I protect you with my life…reconnected when we were little bit older" ' THIS IS SO NEIL SINGING "Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long, And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song" them CONSTANTLY arguing on and off court and kevin being the only one who understands all of neil, who knows the whole story, neil being the only fox who GETS what the nest is like....even BEFORE the nathaneil reveal kevin SEES him he picks him out of hundreds of potential players because he understands, KNOWS his game, his potential ON SIGHT (im confident this would be the case in any universe, kevin constantly finding him).

GOOD GOD THE ANDREIL AT THE END "calling my bluff on all my usual tricks" literally end me now cause they learnt each other so fluently in so little time "And I can't let you go, your hand print's on my soul" THIS LYRIC?? , andrew's hands always firm and decided yet always always kind....how could he go very long without his touch now that he's felt it? now that the memory is cooling balm on his skin on his soul?? "I hit you like bang" neil coming in like a whirlwind becoming essentially so quickly!! (and also andrew hitting him with the raquet in tfc lol)....imma put this song on my kevin playlist..the andreil portion can be like a fun extra in the middle of all the kevin vibes

dollhouse is very interesting i dont listen to melanie much i hadnt considered this.....but damn the vibes are so so much like the nest. kevin having to play the part of #2 of the perferct court...riko's brother...the raven with the perfect life...the media darling. no one really knows what goes on in the nest behind closed doors. no one can ever hear what kevin actually wants to say and that's the thing!! he's been voiceless his whole life....being torn apart in private and then paraded around like a show pony in public. god kevin day has been trapping in plastic wrapping for so long. I NEED THIS SONG IN THE PLAYLIST

LIFE IS SO PERFECT YOU GET IT. tbh the age mentioned is why i started thinking about kevin with this song in mind and now i cant stop. yessssss kevin day the media darling the broken miss america!!! a large part of my playlist is based around this i cant- "SHE WROTE IT ON THE BATHROOM WALL IN HER FAVOURITE SHADE OF LIPSTICK L I F E" there's just something so- kevin about that action. its barely thought through yet desperate yet so so resolute somehow. I CANT EXPLAIN but this song?? it is EXACTLY the emotions/attitude i imagine kevin would have during his healing process especially post baltimore. "Call it a night when the lights in the club dont shine no more" AND THEN "Call it a night when the lights in the studio dont shine no more" i mean come ON

'EVERY LINE IS SO THEM' RIGHT?? literally every part of it is perfect ilisten to this while imagining them on a drive alone to wherever they like aka a date not that andrew would call it that, and andrew gets to watch kevin bask in the sunlight and kevinn gets to watch him unwind and just- the heavy comfort these two can find in each other WHILE being the person one who can fully rile the other up (until neil). ' "you reach out and touch me, say my name like a prayer" I need to go lie down how dare you suggest this song ' HAHA i had the same reaction this song is on par with 505 in terms of utterly destructive lyrics in the context of kandrew.

ngl one of my favourite songs on the kandrew playlist is alone with me by vance joy like i heard the first line and i sold immediately this song is SO THEM YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO IT "i saw you smile, i knew you had spirit" ISNT THIS THAT ONE SCENE "so, did you have fun?" "youre despicable kevin day, dont know why i keep you around"?? IM SOBBING THIS IS ABOUT KEVIN BEING PROUD OF ANDREW!! and seeing him actually *try* and show courage and being like "i told you so i told you you could do it, i knew from the beginning all that you are and can be" AND THEN "isnt it odd the way we tell ourselves we've go limits" THIS IS BOTH OF THEM?? GOD THIS SONG

[ladywaifuuwrites]

Male pillars dealing with the silent treatment

Request: Hi!! Can i request HCs of the male pillars dealing with the silent treatment after they messed up during an argument with their s/o?

A/n: Hiiiii sorry if this took so long. *sighs* I don’t why Tengen’s part made that turn, idk it just popped into my head. 

warnings: implied sex on Tengen’s part just one sentence tbh akdlhdsalhdsjkhfahla

wdyhm will be continued!

Giyuu Tomioka

this man is naturally silent and you’re giving him the silent treatment? 

he will just sigh at you, thinking that it’s normal after an argument and you need time

you want him to show you affection and do the things the boyfriend does when their s/o is mad

Giyuu is clueless asf 

so your situation doesn’t get better, it only gets worse when you think that “Oh hE doEsN’t cArE ABoUt mE” 

will ask other people for help because his relationship is falling apart

then they slap him with the truth and he goes “😮” 

will shower you with the things you want and apologize with his down puppy look

of course he’s cute so you forgive him 

problem solved✔️ now he knows what to do when you give him the silent treatment 

Muichiro Tokito

man is clueless too, does he even know you’re upset after fighting? 

he will be doing his usual lovey dovey things with you but you don’t reciprocate his actions, so he goes ‘????”

A lightbulb clicks beside him and now he knows why you’re acting this way 

becomes secretive to you that upsets you even further

you’re just surprised when he shows you a grand romantic gesture that’s extremely not himself

all negative emotions you harbor towards him is gone at a blink of an eye

mui made all this for you with his time and effort <333

when you first started dating you know he isn’t a fan of grand gestures

but now here he is.

some things do change, especially if its for you💖

Kyojuro Rengoku

wow best boyfriend ever

he knew he messed up the moment you walked out on him

you keep on giving him the silent treatment

and he doesn’t like that one bit

so he does everything he could just to get your affection back 

name it: casual little dates. flowers, things that make you happy, jokes that make you laugh, then you frown because remember? you’re supposed to be upset.

he sees right through you and suddenly tackles you to speak to him 

“Come on baby, don’t do this to me. Speak hmm?” “Kyojuro get off me!!” 

He lets you breathe and you compose yourself with your eyebrows etched together

will pepper you kisses afterwards to make you talk

and you talk it out like the mature couple you are

Tengen Uzui

he’s sad to see you treat him like this :((

but he knows he’s the reason because he’s the one who messed up. man knows his faults 

so he will shower you with affection to make up for the one lost between you two

you’re still annoyed at him tho…..

Tengen tries hard to be the ‘perfect boyfriend’ you said you wanted when you two were still not dating. But being that kind of guy is hard, he’s going to come up to you saying: 

“(Y/n) I’m sorry for the things I’ve said….”

And if you forgive him after that heartfelt apology he made, then everything’s alright.

But if you don’t forgive him……

Then bitch you’re up for some make up sex 

In the end he’s the kind of guy to do anything just to make you look at him again. Tengen cannot live without you.

Sanemi Shinazugawa

pure softie on the inside, don’t get fooled by his looks

when you don’t talk to him with that grumpy face of yours, he also leaves you be for you to cool down. He’s just like Giyuu but more knowledgeable on relationships. 

the silent treatment extends and now he knows whats up.

will come knocking at your door with food and a smile that’s only reserved for you 

i feel like he’s on the lets-talk-this-out side too, so halfway through when you’re leaning onto him again, he will ask you to rant and speak whatever’s bugging your mind

and he will take everything you say into account to improve himself and fix his wrongs.

“Okay I understand, I’m sorry baby.” Sanemi whispers sweet apologies while he kisses your head, and you snuggling in to his warmth.

Expect lots of spoiling and showering of love days after. You giving him the silent treatment has been hell for him even though its just a few days.

Obanai Iguro

he will probably furrow his brows coz “why the fuck is she acting like that?”

another clueless boyfriend moment *sighs* he doesn’t know he messed up. so he will ask you about it, with his hands soothing your arms to coax you into telling him.

unfortunately you don’t budge and just went to sleep, leaving the man to wonder for hours

then it hits him

“shit” 

next day and you wake up to find him, bringing a tray of breakfast to your bed. he kisses your forehead, mumbling apologies about how he was insensitive to your feelings. 

you forgive him of course, seeing how genuine everything he does and say

he learned from this and will make it a mission to not let arguments escalate to the point of you giving him the silent treatment.

he was inwardly panicking that you will break up with him when he received the silent treatment lol.

Gyomei Himejima 

if you try to fight with this man i- you just can’t.

Gyomei is just too pure to hurt with the silent treatment😭 

and if you do decide to be hard-hearted and cold...

he will approach you with a confused look on his face that makes your heart wrench in pain 

“(Y/n)...what did i do wrong? please talk to me.” 

🥺😭

it would probably end with you apologizing and crying for being so petty and mean.

he would apologize for his wrongs too, because he doesn’t want to be met with your harsh coldness. 

he’s one of the most mature guys in kny. he will not let you sleep upset with him. 

again im so sorry for the super late post

[fearlessleaderbucky]

does Bucky ever get rid of the hydra arm in the comics? and what are those comics you've been posting from, I want to catch up on some Bucky loving

his arm gets destroyed Many Many times in the comics like. honest to god lost count. but it's nearly not as.. hmmm.... Dramatique™ as the mcu made it (like giving him a vibranium arm and bucky trying to distance himself from the winter soldier) so in a way he Did get rid of the arm. just. wasn't a big deal. tony fixes his arm up and gives him back-up arms too bc bucky is so reckless he loses it so many times LOL

let me remember wtf i read bc its been blurry as hell but heres ur "catch up on bucky loving" compilation with no order bc im a mess. this part is the "bucky is here for a short time but he amuses me"

what kickstarted everything was that i read winter soldier (2018) its like 5 issues and i was weeping the whole time like nooo bucky my meow meow

thunderbolts 2016 where bucky is their leader. i sure read that. i dont remember what happens on it tho. i liked strikeforce more 😭

strikeforce which is what i posted earlier before i went to bed. very funny. i loved it. its my fave teamup and it is bc most of my favorite characters are there hehe

tales of suspense which follows clint and bucky and i cant say no to that dynamic man. theyre funny

hawkeye freefall where sam and bucky are in #1 and #4 and #5

unstoppable wasp 2018 where he shows up in #7 and.. maybe the ones after that too he was there semi often but hes my fave. My beloved. my one and only

he's in sam wilson: captain america bc of course he is from #7 to #9.. or #10...

falcon & winter soldier (2020) which is just my religion basically

this is where i started being like Man bucky in the comics is just such a good guy. now i want More. so this is where its a little Longer and U Gotta Read More but its worth it bc ed brubaker loves bucky and you can tell he does so every run you end weepy over how much u love bucky

deep breath

captain america (2005) which is the official Bucky is Back run. this is where the winter soldier begins. if you're like me and you're like "man im only here for sam and bucky" you'll probably scroll down til u see them and u go AHH SHIT THERE THEY ARE. i linked you from the moment the winter soldier saga starts so :-) halfway through this turns into a bucky cap run! i am not a bucky cap enthusiast but contextually it works so well and its what the character needed. hehe

some point after bucky returns during that run he begins working undercover for fury which leads to winter kills which is like sad bucky hours BUT THE YOUNG AVENGERS ARE THERE

hes also in young avengers presents #1 which i could argue. you could skip. but i love eli and i love bucky so here he is. i wish i could order these chronologically i am just talking here

captain america and bucky for the sweet bucky pov that makes u wanna cry

captain america reborn which is just them bringing back steve. bucky is there. i dont remember much from it but its on my read list so

then its captain america #602 onwards til tje very endwhich follows bucky and zemo and all that jazz. lots of sambucky goodness imo. i dont remember if this is where the winter soldier trial begins but i think it is and then hes in siberia where he just has a very terrible not good very bad day

and then. My god. idk. shit happens. Some Event happened that i didnt read because reading comics is a lot of "and then you have to go to THIS EVENT" and im like. No thanks. so basically bucky dies, but he doesnt actually he just fakes his death so he could tie loose ends as the winter soldier. everybody mourns him even steve then theyre like Steve he didnt actually die oops. its This Issue

and then finally. winter soldier (2012) woah. its so good. Good shit. made me go through it so bad. you think you love bucky? think again. ed brubaker loves him more than you

thats p much where im caught up with bucky. he has more appearances that i'll eventually get around so ill probs update it hehe. sorry i dumped such a long list on you 😭

[wavesmp3]

directors cut: oasis

[doing this entirely for myself, out of pure self indulgence lol] [this will be very messy/poorly organized and there will be spoilers]

okay so where to even begin omg..... we will start with the origins of oasis:

its actually, techinically a spin off of the world from this drabble with dino from svt. which the world in this drabble is what the world from oasis would look like very far in the future. but i changed a lot between writing that drabble and creating oasis. but there should be a scene in the drabble that is very similar to a part in oasis (hint: the first vision they got from saskila was not just a random vision with no meaning.......hehe)

but that drabble (its titled dreamscapes) was inspired by a mix of this post on tumblr about how nuclear waste warning signs sounded very cool and the book that i was reading called the children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi

and then after i had made that drabble i saw dee’s (@/atbzkingdom’s) post about the time capsule collab, and i had a couple ideas of what i could do for it but i ultimately decided on what would eventually become oasis !! so i guess we really have dee and that collab to thank for this piece lol

now for the timeline of me writing:

so i started outlining this piece in the first couple days of january, and normally outlines take me a while to come up with just because i struggle in coming up with plot, but i knew that my spring semester of classes would be starting soon and that I didn’t have a lot of time so i just sort of grinded an outline out as well several paragraphs of pure worldbuilding. 

and then i started writing

and wow i was Really writing!! at my peak productivity i was easily getting down like 2k a day which for me is insane (for reference, i wrote 1k a day for tsiytt and i struggled my way through that) 

but then life happens classes had begun and my writing for oasis slowly become nothing... 

i really only found the time to work on the piece every other weekend, so i was really nervous that i wouldn’t finish in time (which technically i didn’t cause it was supposed to come out march 1st) but luckily i did

and at some point in february, i had lost so much of my momentum and motivation for this piece that i almost gave up on it. (at this point i was writing the scenes after they find the seat of wisdom destroyed) but again luckily i did not, but i personally can definitely see a decline in the quality of my writing towards the end (i mean maybe its in my head, but its sort of like i can see the loss of love for the wip in my writing at the end of it)

but don’t misunderstand, i still love oasis!! and in all honesty, i’m already considering starting a second draft to it, which is way sooner than i thought i would lol

also when i started writing this piece, i began writing it in the order that it would be read, but then halfway i switched to writing chronologically

anyways, something i learned while writing this piece, is that writing is a marathon. whereas, even with my longer pieces, i always viewed writing as a sprint. so as i start venturing into original works and more lengthy pieces of writing, i think this was a very valuable lesson for me to have learned.

okay now to the good stuff lol: [the first word of the bullet about the next chapter (?) is bolded for some crumbs of an organized commentary]

so this is jumping to the first past bit... but when i first wrote farah i had a very different plan for her character than who she ended up being. i had imagined that she’d be a lot more cold and a tough love sort of person. so that’s who i was writing when she’s first introduced in the flashback, but she very quickly become a much kinder full of love sort of person. but anyways i mention this because whenever i read that first part and the introduction of her character, i’m always a bit taken aback by how like mean here character is to crown then lol

also zoar !!!! its a terrible place, but i love that underground city

i also wrote the first flashback after i had written the scene where crown and chanhee are talking at his place in andhor, so the whole “fearless” connection was done very purposefully here since i knew how it’d be referenced in the next scene. someone mentioned this small connection in their reblog but i cant remember who 

also rashi is my favorite character xD

i personally think how crown and chanhee became friends (the running thing) is so cute 

this first bit of conversation between crown and chanhee when it switches back to the present and chanhee is giving them a tour of andhor is actually quite important to me, in the sense that its the first glimpse of how their actual relationship works and how they act together and just like their dynamic despite the fact that they havent seen each other in so long 

and yeah i think kyu mentioned this and a few others, but i love how awkward it is when chanhee and crown are in his home in andhor, cause one: they havent seen each other in years! but also: anyone else find going to someone’s place for the first time oddly intimate, like wow you’re opening up your home to me and now suddenly idk how to sit or stand or what to do with my arms... maybe just me LMAO

DUDE i struggled so hard with making it so that chanhee knew how impossible this whole mission was going to be without actually revealing that he knows about the mirror. it was so hard for me, hopefully it came out alright though. if anyone is reading this, did the twist(s) come as a shock to you? did you see it coming? or did it feel like it came out of absolutely no where and not in a good way?

yes i did name the desert after the department store kohls .....

i was so excited to explain all the mage types, i had so much fun writing this whole chapter 

fun fact: there was originally another sub group of psyche mages called dream mages who had like powers with dreams and stuff, but it ended up being irrelevant and really underdeveloped so it took it out

if anyone else was raised catholic or is catholic then i’d hope you recognize the names of all the relics.... i stole them from a prayer in the rosary whoops

it took me very long time to figure out exactly how the whole soul for the relic business would work, and idk if im a 100% satisfied with what it is/how it works/how it plays into rashi giving chanhee the locket

the note new gives crown.... the first slice of their friendship blooming, bro i eat that shit up 

this part where crown and rashi are talking after the lesson is actually one of my favorites. (like i said i love rashi, but i just really love her interreacting with crown, i think they have such an interesting dynamic and one that i’ve seen irl a lot between students and teachers, where the student adores the teacher... i’ll get more into this later) but moving on, i like it for a number of reasons. one: it’s the first time we as readers get to see rashi talk outside of her role as lesson master. two: i love crown getting this validation from rashi. it’s not really expanded on a lot, but crown’s magic is definitely a bit of an insecurity for them, in the way that they don’t feel like it belongs to them. but here rashi comes, this person that crown looks up to so much, and telling crown that they’re a bit similar when it comes to having magic. and surprising crown by comforting them. and... idk i just really love this moment for crown.

okay this line: “You call your mom Rashi?” is a lowkey reference to game plan,, if anyone knows what i’m talking about then please come clown me for nearly having the entire movie memorized 

oh, i also find the capital really cool. in my head the capital was always one huge building that contains an entire city but i realized while editing that i never really explained that, so idk if i successfully described the capital as cool as it is to me 

also the five friends part.....CUTE

when chanhee says “i know. i remember.” !!! girl i felt that line with my entire chest. idk why

okay wait this part: “But that knowledge seems to fall flat right now. Because despite everything, curiosity won the war.” i love it so much, its that tiny of sliver of hope that gets me personally

i think this part where crown’s pride is so hurt by no one telling them about chanhee’s healing magic is quite important because its a glimpse of how stubborn and prideful and headstrong of a character they can be 

also this : “ ‘and do you believe everything rashi says’ / without hesitation, you answer, ‘yes, of course’ “ this is another example of how highly crown thinks of rashi while growing up, almost to a fault. to the point where crown thought rashi could do no wrong. which i think is so interesting to think about when contrasted with the fight crown and chanhee have in the jungle where crown is the one discussing how rashi was wrong. i just like how much growth crown has had between all these years. and their opinion / perspective on rashi is one of the largest indicators of that growth. 

I also just really like that paragraph where shadow vs healing is explained... I think chanhee’s magic is so sick

oh also the names thing.... I can’t remember where I got the idea to do that from but im so glad I did. its one of my favorite aspects to this world, and it looks like a lot of other people enjoyed it as well. but apart from the intimacy of it, i love how the use of names affects one’s magic. and that paragraph where they go through all that a mage could do with a name. it gives me chills. just cause.... the possibilities

so many people have mentioned this line.... but I must too, so this part: “magic always comes with a price. this is new’s” ..... crazy

saskila scares me omg

again the first vision they see is not a random scene.... the easter eggs I planted with that mwahaha

yeah that scene where they’re outside the tent discussing who should give their name to saskila..... I love that scene chanhee’s “I don’t have anyone but you” and crown deflecting all that tension with the pinky promise and the saskila calling them lovers.... mwah

this random scene about the hot summer and laying with Farah and new in the gardens is another one of my favorite, it’s just so sweet

but this next scene makes me so sad

like I know what happens and I know that everything turns out okay but I get so scared for crown

yeah just that entire part after Rashi gets to them and when they’re going to the infirmary and before crown passes out... I love that whole part. i think i did an effective job of writing the gravity of that whole moment. cause it makes me a little stunned every time I read it. and I was pretty nervous about not being able to do that scene and that moment justice so I’m glad it turned out like it did

and again this line: magic always comes with a price, and in your case, it comes with several.

okay this part after they jump out of the ship and crown is talking to Chanhee but that other dude is talking too... I hope it’s not too confusing. I really wanted to show through the writing that this was all happening at the same time, but idk it came out well. like in my mind I have such a clear picture of this scene, but I have no clue if I did effective job of showing you guys what I’m seeing through the writing

oh yeah, crowns thing about dual wielding and engulfing the blades in flames.... I find that so cool. they’re so sick for that

yeah also the part where crowns hurt and they give Chanhee their name and they use it.... great moment, but I feel like my writing is a bit lacking here. i just know it could be better.

I think at this point of writing my classes had started, and again the disparity in writing quality is so obvious to me 

but the line where chanhee is describing how it all feels, and it says “chanhee feels golden” was inspired by daylight by taylor swift, theres a line in that song that goes “i used to think love would be burning red, but its golden” and like hello the parallels between that and crown’s fire magic.... something to think about 

so this next part where it’s back to the past and crown is getting in trouble (as crown does) but the part where crown is like asking but not directly asking for rashi’s name.... that part is so crazy to me cause it’s feels so out of place. but it was purposeful. i was trying to show that crown’s growing and that they’re at this weird age where they feel invincible. and also i wanted to put more emphasis on how being royal and the heir to the throne kind of effects the relationships crown has

and the last line of this part when rashi says “never abuse it” it gives me chills whew

the next part ... another part that i had high hopes for in the outlining stages of writing, but when it came to actually writing, this scene totally flopped, i’m gonna try not to dwell on this part too much cause i just know most of my comments will be about how much i don’t like it. but just overall, this scene could have been SO MUCH BETTER !

omg this little interaction: ““Look!” Chanhee deadpans, shooting you a glare. “The match is about to begin.” / “Wish me luck.” /  “I hope you lose.”” i think its so funny and cute

“ Your eyes immediately got to Rashi “ another example of how highly crown regards rashi 

“In Wurltan.” hmmmmmm sus.... *laughs in i love mentioning things that won’t make sense to reader until later*

okay this: “Yes, but not just any mage. I…” your voice trails off, pulling at your fingers and looking anywhere but at him. “I wanted you to know.” i cannot stand these two omg 

okay this part: “Chanhee thinks and overthinks the words spoken between you both. His mind drifts off to last night as well, that moment in the tent where you shared your warmth. He doesn’t even realize he’s staring at you until you give him a funny look. He quickly looks away and wonders if you’re overthinking everything as relentlessly as he is.” this part makes me think about what ina said about how chanhee shows his love by keeping you in his thoughts and YEAH chanhee’s love language in this piece is thinking about you and staring LOL

i hate this next part, not cause i don’t like it or anything it just makes me sad 

but this line: “Like if someone shoved you from behind right now, you wouldn’t push back; you’d let yourself fall straight to the ground.” i actually love that line

also this next entire bit i see SO clearly in mind, i hope i wrote it well enough so that you all saw it clearly too

when chanhee wipes the dirt.... girl i’m wiping my tears 

this line : “We’ll lean on each other.” mini love declaration sighhhhhh

yeah that whole part i love so much 

the seat of wisdom :(((( no!!!!!

so about this line: “He stares at his palms, at all the lies buried under each nail and at all the secrets shoved in every crack. He watches as they all blow up in front of his face.” >> i had like ten different versions of it before i settled on this one lol

okay so the first part of the last past flashback with crown realizing their true feelings... so soft 

news gone, rashis’s dead, :((( it makes me so sad

gosh okay this paragraph..... “I’ve always wondered why the gods blessed me and you the way that they have. They entrusted you with such great power. The only person to be both a healing and shadow mage in centuries. And then,” a tear falls from her eye, “they entrusted you to me.” Chanhee thinks this might be the first time he’s seen Rashi cry. “But now I have reason to believe that this was no accident. I’m beginning to think that the gods have always known it would come to this. And I’m starting,” she falters there, “I’m starting to spite them for it.”  it hurts so bad im sorry 

the first confrontation with harlan took me so long to write, and i’m still not sure if i actually like it, so again i will refrain from commenting lol

but the part where crown screams : “YOU LOST THE MIRROR OF JUSTICE!”  I think i told kyu this but this line makes me laugh because in my head its said the same way bella says: “you nicknamed my daughter after the lochness monster” whenever i see that line i smile lol

honestly this argument scene..... one of my absolute faves,,, everything lina said about it in that reblog just yes!yes!yes!! i can’t even comment about a particular part because all of it i love so much. its another part that leaves me slightly speechless.

but my favorite part of it might be how it ends hehe

these next couple parts were a bit diffucult to write because obviously the air between crown and chanhee is not very light right now so it was just hard to navigate their dynamic at these moments until they apologize but hopefully it turned out alright

i really like this line: “But this moment—with the scent of Harlan’s wine under his nose and the chill of Harlan’s blade against his neck—this moment feels nothing like those. It feels empty.” 

“ Chanhee just stares at you.“ -- staring as a love language exhibit b 

this whole part... chills bro 

“Chanhee exhales because for the first time since this afternoon he looks at your face and sees you.” -- exhibit c ....

okay wait another one of my favorite parts here: the spilled glass metaphor!! again please reference lina’s rb on this because everything said there... could not have said better myself. inspired by this writing advice by ocean vuong and yeah i just think the metaphor speaks for itself, one of my favorite lines (well paragraph) from the entire piece, actually from ALL of my works 

it was so hard to think up all of yumi’s different names, i was struggling

them talking about how farah will be happy to see chanhee...... how do i break it to you crown.....she’s dead...... awkward

red streak q! yesss. also i’m so sorry for killing off farah 

also kyunyu bestiessss

tbh this whole paragraph: “I get this overwhelming burst of honesty. As if what you both speak of is more than just a simple truth, as if it’s a commandant you blindly follow. What’s even odder is that I only feel that burst when you speak of each other.” Q stops walking and turns so that he faces Chanhee directly. “You speak of Crown constantly. And last night, when I met Crown, your title never left from the tip of their tongue. Humans are so simple really. We mention what we love.” Q pauses for a moment, bringing a hand under his chin. “Do you love Crown?” --i wrote it for myself no regrets

oh wait this bit too : “Quietly, Chanhee says, “I know.” / “Have you been watching?” / “I’ve been waiting.” / “For what?” / He meets your eyes. “For you.”” -- sometimes i do things that live rent free in my own mind

okay im so sorry for just quoting myself but this too : “ He sits back slightly. Shocked. Not by his love for you, but rather by how easily love walked into his heart and settled between his lungs “

lol the part where they try fooling q... why are crown and chanhee like this

the running !!!

yeah also every part after that... tears okay

yumi’s magic !!! its so cool to me, i love it so much 

i surprisingly don’t have much to say about the end... i mean i like it, but i just don’t have any comments. the last line tho... good one shawna

okay im done for you sake i hope no one read this lmao 

[fujunfuren]

I just saw your post about being disappointed with the endig of Song of Youth If you don't mind, can you give me some spoilers??? 😬😬

Hellooo dear, just to let you know it's a happy ending hahah but here goes

There are a few reasons why the whole drama is disappointing 😂 I don't know if you started the drama yet but if you do I guess if you don't mind you can stay for the women and side characters. But why the ending especially is disappointing is because to me it's just plain stupid.

The synopsis informs viewers that the father-in-law might be behind Shaochun's father's demise. So if you're like me, you'll probably wonder how she overcomes this after marrying into the family, already in love with Yunlou. We have 43 episodes yeah. So many things could have happen to make this drama angsty and everything else. They kinda brush it off in the beginning making it a little too easy for Yunlou to clear her father's name and suddenly rekindle this issue at the last 2-3eps. So they re-introduced this supposed plot back into game when we're like 90% done.

//THIS IS HUGE SPOILER, IM JUST PUTTING ALL HERE I GUESS YOU WONT MIND HAHA// Suddenly, it became an issue and shaochun works behind to make sure that revenge was done. Her father in-law got prosecuted, the whole family moved to where the 2nd son military base at. Yunlou stayed behind. The father in-law was to drink poison as his punishment and died. Shaochun came back to the house, all emptied except for Yunlou who was sad drunk. She told him, she'll still be by his side no matter what. Morning came and she woke up to a letter from Yunlou saying he is so ashamed he can't face her so he is leaving. Shaochun goes to find Yunlou on every city.

Guess what, the father inlaw DIDNT DIE, IT WAS A HOAX (like wtf?!). The person who spread news that the father inlaw caused shaochun's father's death was actually the one who did it. He wanted to frame the father inlaw because of some hate (i didnt bother to pay attention why) and he got executed for bringing false evidence. The father in-law got reinstated to his position and explains how he teamed up with Shaochun to expose the real criminal (look at this point idk if it's real criminal or what cos i dont care anymore, just know he's the petty villain)

And soooo..Shaochun went everywhere to find Yunlou and they cut back to the scene in Ep 1 where he was a puppeteer and she's the spectator. They reunited. FIN.

idk about you but that shit sucks like you had 43 episodes and you linked 1st ep to ep 41-43. Not to say I just found out about the plagiarism issue. Apparently some of the lines are word by word copied from classic chinese novels. So it kinda makes sense how the story was not well thought, no angle and no consistency. Yes, the cinematography of the drama was beautiful in the beginning but they kinda stopped providing that halfway through (maybe it was just me 🤪).

I lost interest halfway because they either dragged problems or conveniently Shaochun is solving their problem lol. I stayed for Shaochun (+Yunlou I was hoping they show a bit more char development but it was like the tiniest bit), Yuehong, Dizhu + Junhao mainly. So yeah, I felt like the drama is a waste, the casting were quite okay, they can act and all. And I also felt like I gave this drama chance to improve but the throwing of nonsense in the last 2-3 eps really made me mad tbh. hahahah I never felt so much rage in awhile for a drama.

So this has been wayyy too long hahah I hope it gives you another perspective of it. Other people might not have the same thoughts as me and I could be too sensitive teehee.

Thank you anyway for dropping by! What are your thoughts for the drama so far if you're watching? love to hear it from you too 😊

[peakatseven]

MICHAAAA CONGRATULATIONS

🌕 broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door I got splinters in my knuckles crawling across the floor

andddd

��� haunted

this bitch really came for me asking for a story AND a cover of such a hard song to sing. okay thanks i guess.

nah im just kidding babe i had so much fun writing this! i feel like it’s the first time in years that i’m posting proper fanfiction? kind of? idk i was trying to find another name for the mc but i kept picturing frat boy harry so here we go:

Concentration is impossible when the silence is loud and the work is important. The worst part is when one starts thinking about the need of being concentrated, rather than the actual work that needs to be done. As a university student, Harry was no different than most: his anxiety about school and his future co-existed with the emotional backlash of relationships and the need to "experience the best years of your life". There were few people with whom he wouldn't worry about meeting some kind of expectation. But she had been silent with him for the better part of a year. Images of Caro kept coming back to him, a trauma he couldn't let go off. Granted, it was the one painful brake up he'd experienced, one that was never truly over. Even now, uncountable names in between him and her, he still couldn't get her blue eyes off of his mind. The thought of her porcelain skin over his sun-kissed body came to him every single one of his one-night-stands. And at that moment, sitting on his desk, trying to get his homework done, the memory of her laughter drowned every sentence he tried to compose. He forced everything out with a loud grunt, grabbing his head with both hands and pulling on his hair. "The results show that 73.3% of patients responded positively to the treatment." He voiced out loud, trying to silence Caro's laughter in his mind. "No, that's bullshit." After a few moments staring at the cursor beeping at the end of his last sentence, he finally shut the laptop down. On an impulse, he unlocked his phone and opened a conversation from three days prior. He should've answered it when he got the text, but he wasn't in the mood at the time. "Hey, babe, wanna go for a beer rn?" He wasn't even done changing when the phone buzzed on the table. Two happy emojis popped up, and then a "Meet you there in 10". He kept the speed up as he rode off campus, through a park and then into the city. He was glad for the chill air against his face, numbing it to the point where it was the only thing he was able to think about. Finally some peace of mind. It wasn't dark yet when he got to the bar, but the sun had already set behind the buildings. There was one single tree, barely taller than him but strong enough to hold his bike. As he secured it, a red leaf fell to his knee. It was autumn when he got to kiss Caro for the first time, and it was also autumn when he kissed her last. "Nope. Something else, think of something else." he thought to himself. Incapable of coming up with anything, he brought out a cigarette and inhaled deeply. Somewhere inside him, there was a bit of guilt about what he was trying to do. But it'd been so long since he started that it no longer bothered him. His new game was called Darren. The younger guy looked like a model, straight silver hair and pale skin that Harry couldn't wait to leave marks on. All he could think about when Darren was around was the things he wanted to do to him. It was purely sensual, and that was pretty clear from the start. Or at least that's what he told himself. That Darren was on the same page as him- no strings attached, just fun and games. But the way his phone had been buzzing ever since he got on the bike, there was clearly more interest from one side. But instead of doing the right thing, and not stringing him along, Harry was about to sleep with him again and leave with a lame excuse to not spend the night. And then it was back to emotionless texts, conversations on the verge of ghosting him just in case he'd be in the mood again. But it was okay, Darren was playing the same game. He had the same dynamic with a lot of people lately. None knew of each other. They didn't have to, and they didn't ask either. He was no monster, though. Harry would tell that to himself constantly. That because no one had explicitly asked for exclusivity, it was implied they weren't obliged to it. The only one who did, what was her name again? Odella... no, that's not right... Ornella, maybe? He laughed dryly at himself. He'd become one of those guys that didn't even remember the names of all of his

partners. But he was no dougebag, when Ornella asked to be exclusive, he straight up told her no and then never bothered her again. They weren't on the same page anymore, so no more games. He wondered if that would ever happen with Darren too. There was not much time to think about this, because he was soon greeting the guy with a half hug and a gentle kiss just beside his lips. "You smell nice." Darren said, hands in his pockets and scarf almost over his mouth. "You just like the smell of tabacco." Harry smirked and put the unfinished cigarette down. "Let's get in, you're freezing." The night went exactly how Harry planned it. All his jokes were welcomed by Darren, and he let the young boy win at pull- he was cute when he bragged about his skills. But the best feeling was whenever Harry would approach Darren. A stroke of the lower back, a smirk from the other side of the table, a kiss when no one was near... Darren accepted any and everything Harry was willing to give him. The power high that it gave him to have someone be so devoted to him was indescribable. But the night was fully set and he was growing impatient. "Let's get out of here." He whispered to Darren's ear right before his turn. Darren had already started pulling Harry's bike for him when the phone on his pocket buzzed again. Harry walked alongside his date, though his eyes were on his phone. He had a lost call that he hadn't noticed while inside. The number wasn't saved to his phone anymore, but he hadn't managed to erase it from his own memory yet. "Oh, shit." He whispered. "I... Sorry, man, I have to go. There's a- um, it's a family thing." Harry was on his bike before his date could answer. He didn't even look at Darren's eyes before leaving. There was a sting of guilt building up, and maybe he'd feel disgusted by himself if it wasn't for the sheer adrenaline running through his veins. Maybe the alcohol had a bit to do with it too. This had only happened a few times before, and the outcome was always the same. Still, Harry couldn't keep himself from falling to his knees when it came to her. As he rode his bike as fast as he could go, a cynical smile crept on his lips. How ironic. Darren was probably feeling the same way about Harry just a few hours prior. Whenever Caro was in town, she stayed at her best friend's apartment- all the way on the other side of the city. So it was past midnight already when he got to the building. There was a party on the roof, maybe they could sneak in for more drinks. She had some catching up to do, as Harry was already tipsy. Still, he didn't have to check the phone to know which floor to go to and which door to knock. Just like everything else about Caro, he had it indefinitely memorized. 409, the doorknocker was a silver seagull. A very heavy, silver seagull. At first, Harry didn't feel it when his finger got caught in between the door and the seagull, but by the third time he knocked, it started changing colour. "Hm." He said to himself as he examined the swollen-red finger. He put it in his mouth and kept on knocking to the beat of the music coming from above. Why did they have the music so loud? Harry could barely hear his own thoughts, so the neighbours had to be furious about this noise. Carolina was probably waiting for Harry, who was already late due to how far he was when she texted him. "Fuck!" He said, taking his phone out of his pocket again. He hadn't answered. Dumb ass. "im herre" He sent the text before reading the ones Caro had sent before. One was a laughing emoji and the other was a voice note. There were people laughing on the background, and someone turned the music down a bit for Caro to speak into her phone. "I'm so sorry, ignore that, it was a dare." She half said, half laughed. Harry didn't understand, so he played it again. Again. Again. And again one more time. Was she talking about the lost call? or was it about her being in town? Had he really fallen for such a stupid trap? Harry fell to the floor, phone glued to his ear as the voice note played over and over again. His chest was about to

explode, face red and throat dry. He knocked on the door again, now with his fist. The inevitable tear fell down his cheek, though it was impossible to know if it was sadness or anger that caused it. "Oh, god." Someone said behind him. But when he turned around, the stairs were empty and someone on hills was running up the stairs. He got up and ran after them, but he was too intoxicated to keep up. He fell halfway up the stairs, having to crawl for a few steps before getting up. On the rooftop, there were too many people in heels to know which one had seen him. "Great." He sight. Might as well look around. He walked around the place, inhaling the cold air of the night and trying to calm down, make sense of what had just happened. He was about to light up his last cigarette when someone took it from him. She had long purple nails and her skin glowed under the moonlight. She smirked as the cigarette reached her mouth. He lit it up for her. "I didn't think you'd actually come." She said. Her smirk turned into a sincere smile. "You told me to." "Yes, but I also said you should ignore that." "Well I didn't." He took the cigarette from her fingers and smoked himself before speaking again. "Should I go?" He wanted to seem as cool with the situation as she appeared to be, hide the fact that he had just been played like a puppet for a fucking drinking game dare. "What happened to you finger?" She shouted, stepping closer to him. "I- I don't remember." Harry lied. There was still a bit of dignity to be salvaged. And there it was, but this time it was real. Her laugh, once again, drowned every thought on his mind. There was no music and no people around them anymore, it was just him and her, together again, laughing in the middle of the night. "You know I meant to call you, right?" Caro said, a hand tenderly rubbing his arm. She knew exactly what she was doing, and he knew it too. "I'm sure you did." He said. "I did!" She pushed him a little, both cracking a knowing smile. "I promise I did, it's just that-" "Shut the fuck up." He felt more stable now that he'd taken some air and the alcohol effect had cooled down. "It's okay, Caro. Let's just have fun tonight and see what happens." "Sounds fun." She leaned in and kissed him on his cheek, the kiss lingering just a second too long. He instinctively put a hand on her hip, but she walked away swiftly after the kiss. The pain on his chest came back, and the little composure he had gained crumbled. She wasn't coming back to him. This time it was definitive, and it had been for a while now. But the worst realization that came to him that night, was how much power she had over him. How much hope, urge, love, anger and pain she could cause in just a matter of hours. She had him at her mercy, like a puppet she could toy with however she wanted. They were both the same kind of wicked, using others for validation, feasting on their adoration. But as much pain as it caused him to know he was at the other end of his own game, it also sparked joy to know he could provide that for her.

[fluffyglass]

THE MR. STUBBORN IS CHEAP MASTERPOST

I'm having fun with these lol

even if it. uh. requires 31 rewatches of the entire show (or some other number idk??? theres some season exclusives and im only really watching the segments with that character?) anyways moving onto THE ALIEN MAN HIMSELF

Season 1

Mr. Stubborn is in 25 episodes in Season 1.

In 6 of these episodes does he do something wrong.

Season 2

Mr. Stubborn is in 23 episodes in Season 2.

In 15 of these episodes does he do something wrong.

Conclusions

In total, Mr. Stubborn did something wrong in 21 out of the 48 segments he's in, which is 43%. Counting the 8 I was unsure about bumps him up to 29/48, which is a shocking 60%.

Because of how Mr. Stubborn blurs the lines between his malice and genuine stupidity, I think it's important to still partly count my unsure rankings of his. The exact halfway point through his two percentages is 51%, which I'll be considering his official ranking.

I'm pretty sure Mr. Stubborn is the absolute biggest character assassination that Season 2 has under it's belt. Sure, Mr. Rude and Mr. Fussy got bad, but jeez Mr. Stubborn was absolutely murdered.

blah blah blah episode by episode

Yellow - Mr. Stubborn does nothing wrong

Red - Mr. Stubborn does something wrong

Pink - I have no idea what to put for this one lmao

SEASON 1

Flying - he doesn't really do anything wrong he's just astronomically stupid

Lake - yeah uh. Mr. Happy warned him that they were heading for dangerous waters and he continued anyway so.

Boo-boos - again, doesn't do anything wrong, he's just stupid

Mall - Mr. Stubborn is so stupid half the time that I have no clue whether I should count it against him or not. Like. What do I do here????

Birthday - he is comically stupid . please never let him anywhere near cake ever again

Boats - he's kinda demeaning to Miss Calamity the entire time and also doesn't acknowledge that he is putting the entire ship in danger sooooooo

Camping - he's not even particularly stupid in this one he's just vibin

Science - stupid, not bad

Fish - I'm gonna start abbreviating "stupid, not bad" into SNB because I know I'm gonna be using it a lot

Construction - I'd normally give an SNB but the majority of his actions directly harm Mr. Bump. I'm unsure abt this one

Jobs - same as the last one, its another mr bump segment

Fair - he's just trying to win a prize for Miss Sunshine! thank you Mr. Stubborn :)

Dance - he's barely in it and it kinda just listening to Mr. Noisy so. No fault of his own here

Amusement Park - SNB

Adventure - SNB, but his ignorance almost leads to Mr. Noisy and Miss Naughty getting lost forever. so

Rainy Day - yeah he drags Mr. Bump outside in the rain which was not very nice of him

Games - SNB, also this is one of the funniest segments in the entire show so it gets a plus from me

Snow - dude just turn the heat up

Bugs - SNB

Circus - SNB but his actions greatly inconvenience everyone around him, and greatly endangers Mr. Small D:

Cars - SNB, of anything Mr. Fussy's even more of an idiot than he is. I guess you could argue that him wanting to sell that car to begin with was him being an asshole, but like. Mr. Fussy was willing to buy it so

Ships - isn't this just Boats again?

Night - SNB

Full Moon - SNB YALL KNOW I FUCKIN LOVE FULL MOON

The Dark - SNB

SEASON 2

Picnics - isn't this just Rainy Day again?

Outer Space - he ignores Mr. Bump's cries for help when he was lost in space D:

Airports - I'm not even gonna count this as SNB he just fucking puts everyone around him in danger what the fuck

Shoes - Just straight up fucking lies about the bears in the woods after Mr. Messy said he was scared of them

Game Shows - glockenspiel

Garages - fucked up Mr. Grumpy's garage, ignored Mr. Grumpy when he said it wasn't working, didn't give a shit when his car was destroyed.

Eyeglasses - I didn't know that Season 2 fucking assassinated Mr. Stubborn this badly what the actual fuck

Reptiles - lies about alligators in the swamp, ignorance almost gets Mr. Bump killed, etc etc this is fucking ridiculous

Hats - HE LITERALLY ALMOST GETS EVERYONE FUCKING KILLED

Robots - the only episode he's been half decent in and he barely does anything. oh my god.

Dining Out - this season makes me remember why I used to hate Mr. Stubborn

Gifts - he barely does anything

Seashore - yeah he almost lets Miss Chatterbox drown

Sneezes & Hiccups - yeah he destroys shit but not on purpose. also once again - one of the funniest segments in the entire show. i'll forgive him for this one

Fruit - he just vibes in the background and it's funny so

Cinema - one of the gay men who invades Mr. Fussy's car

Getting Around - almost kills 3 people

Post Office - SNB, he's barely in it but like. he hurts mr bump yknow

Out to Sea - SNB, this segment is hilarious but he also almost gets 4 people killed

Lunch - i dunno lol

Home Improvement - yeah he does a lot of property damage. how many crimes has he committed at this point cause it's a lot

Sand and Surf - what is even going on anymore

Bad Weather - this is the third fucking time they've done the Rainy Day bit

[hyungkyun]

(^:

HENLO!!! this is ur actual bday present, not that Gross thing i sent earlier lol. again, do whatever u want with it!! u dont have to post it or anything. it’s just easier to submit stuff like this than to, idk, send u an email like a señora lol.

ok so im doing this in bullet point format bc the last time I wrote a coherent, well-written paragraph was like 5 years ago or smth. anyway!! since u hated soooo much my beautiful, amazing, unique goths au im going with the loser couple au… which was also a college au of sorts?? dskjhksjdf this isn’t even an au, since y’all are already losers tbh (^: this also got out of hand…. this shit is eight pages long. idk enjoy bithc.

first of all, ck the kind of dude everyone’s lowkey scared of bc he’s silent and serious af. also he does seem kind of a weirdo, tbh?

youve seen him around, maybe you’re in the same dorms but u have absolutely no idea what he’s majoring in :o and u ask around but no one has any idea either!! oh wow a mystery~~

BUT he’s kinda cute hmmm (^: and u probably find the weirdo vibe interesting

however it’s so hard to get to talk to him. u always run into him when you’re out with friends or in a hurry to get to class so :///

but destiny works in mysterious ways~~~ and once u meet it’s rly. so unexpected.

actually, it’s awful since u get locked out of ur dorm sound familiar?? during winter break, rly late at night after a long study session at the library yes, the library, fight me. so u kinda just. sit down miserably outside ur room, since ur roommates are gone, cursing everything and everyone. u will eventually go looking for someone to help u out or smth but right now u need to Whine.

but oh my!! enter mister im changkyun!!! that weirdo who actually lives a couple of doors away from u (how come you never found out wtf???)

he sees u basking in ur misery and actually. finds u rly cute??? bc you’re pouting, cursing a little under ur breath, fumbling with ur phone. but u also look angry as fuck, ready to kill a man??? and yet you’re really fucking cute what the hell!!!!

so he comes up to u and asks u what’s wrong, to which u answer not so nicely without even looking up from ur phone, bc you’re rly so done with this situation ://

but then u look up and u See who it is fuck fuck fuck fuckfucbicvufkhkcfj

but since ck’s Nice and he understands that u must be having an awful time (and also bc he thinks youre cute) he offers to help u. you’re kind of skeptical since he’s just another student, what could he do???

until he tells u he knows how to pick locks lmaoaoaoaoa. that lil weirdo (‘:

anyway he saves ur night. but since he’s an annoying lil shit he’ll tease u abt it every time he runs into u for the rest of winter break.

since that day y'all basiclly become an old, bickering, married couple fnsdjdj

u never stop annoying each other…. you’re wearing a hoodie? he’ll probably pull the hood all the way down until it covers ur eyes, and u get him back by messing up his hair which, by the way,is so soft….. hmmmm

u call each other nerd and loser and dumbass all the time lmao. he’ll constantly bring up the way u met just to jokingly say that you’d be lost without him :/// he rly is a lil shit.

it’s funny bc everyone figures out u are falling for each other… except u two. and i rly do mean everyone. ur friends. his friends. ur roommates. ur cat. the janitor, too, probably. it’s so obvious it hurts.

one time someone implies u would be a cute couple and y'all literally go all ‘no???? haha me??? liking that loser??? pfft not in a million years’

it’s the biggest lie, of course (: and ever since that person suggested u would look good together, both of u kind of realize it’d be… nice. more than nice. actually, super nice.

but since both of u are dumb tsunderes,  as ive said before, u will literally be the embodiment of this scene… except it goes both ways. honestly u are so gone for each other it’s GROSS.

but we need some angst up in here so y'all dont get together for a reaaaaaaally long time :/ smh. the pining is Real. ppl come and go in ur lives, and each person u go out with sees that u already fell for someone else—and that’s why all potential relationships don’t last much–, but sdjkfhksjdhk!!! neither of u want to openly admit it.

it’s A Mess bc u are actually good friends and u tell each other abt ur dates and stuff—secretly hoping the other will do something—but y'all looove being dumb so u act like it’s all cool and be like ‘o rly!! good for u, i hope it works out’. right. :/

y’all keep dancing around each other for several months until one Merciful Soul gets tired of ur shit and forces u to sort things out. im talking abt locking u up in some room and not letting u out until u stop pretending u aren’t disgustingly in love with each other. or smthequally cheesy (: u know ilove cheese

((obviously everyone eavesdrops through the door bc cmon, theyve been waiting for this for sooooo long))

at first u two are just annoyed at the Merciful Soul betchait was minhyuk, and u spend ur time yelling and cursing them for doing this (all while claiming that this is pointless, since u have NO feelings for each other. none. nada!)

after a very long time, it’s ck the one that confesses first lmao. youve been whining and being grumpy the whole time youve been locked up together and it kinda reminded him of the way u met… damn. here come The Feelings.

he’s tired, and there’s nothing left to lose. so he tells u The Truth.

[suspenseful pause….. what’s going to happen next?? :OOOOO]……… tune in next year to find out, in the continuation of Cristina’s Cheesy Birthday Present!!!

jk, proceed to the next bullet point pls.

obviously u tell him u feel the same way [insert ppl crying in the background] and he’s actually shocked when u say u like him back…. and gosh, he does look cute when he’s surprised…

so yeah!!! it’s until then that u FINALLY go on a date during the weekend!!. hallelujah. thanks minhyuk,u beautiful soul.

so!!! ok!! first date!!! a rly cute fairground in the evening!!!

u try to be fake mean to each other like u used to but everything feels different~~~ (^:

so instead y’all act bashful as hell, and blush at everything jjdfghjfhd. hands brushing accidentally?? BLUSH. eyes meeting? BLUSH. BLUSH BLUSH BLUSH!!! u also laugh at everything bc both of u are so nervous oh gmhg fdknjjkdsfjoidf this is gross.

he’ll tell bad jokes to make u laugh and they’re rly so so so bad that he actually keeps u in stitches. if u look rly closely you’ll see his huge ass heart eyes bc !!!! he made u laugh!!!! and u look so pretty when u laugh omg!!!! dis-gos-tinnnnn

it’d be such a cute date tbh im crying just thinking abt it (‘’’’: obviously he’s a gentleman and he lets u choose what to eat, which ride to go to first, etc. u could literally tell him ‘hey let’s just sit down and do nothing’ and he’d say yes. he’s so gONe, ifmgfjdmf.

he’s kinda quiet and a lot shier than u wouldve expected but youre literally melting bc that’s a new side to him that you’d never thought you’d see.

u end up having so much fun (‘: u gross lil idiots, u.

oh and he’s def the type to ask if he can kiss u at the end of the night EYYYYYY

even if u find that incredibly endearing you’ll probably roll ur eyes with a huge ass smile on urlips lmaoaoaoao and call him a dummy for even asking when you’ve literally be in cloud nine since ur date started kjkhwjeqdkwjlk  

[hello, brief break to clarify that from this point i forgot this was actually a college au lmao, so the rest of the bullet points are literally just. random facts abt u two dating hhhhhh. We dont even know what ck’s major is odjfngnfdj]  

at first things are a lil awkward in ur relationship tbh

catch ck googling ‘how to relationship’ on a daily basis dnfndkfjdncn he is sort of clueless abt how to handle The Feelings. mostly bc this is Important and the last thing he wants is to mess it up )^:

that goes away eventually, tho!! he’ll start being his weird little self real fucking soon, so Get Ready

u still call each other nerd and all that stuff, but ur voices are dripping with fondness when u say it… literally everyone around u gets cavities from it, ew.

he’s not that big on planning dates but from time to time he’ll take u to rly cool, unexpected, interesting places :o  and eventually he’ll show u his favorite secret spots ((’:

study dates are a thing. i bet he’s that type of person that enjoys reading in weird ass positions… his legs are like, halfway off the couch and his arm is bent in a way that looks almost painful… what the hell….?? but it’s fine (: it goes so well with ur study methods, those that are Too Weird for the library, yeah?? (:

he will also stare at u a lot bc u look cute when you’re rly focused on smth that is, when u stop  whining abtstudying…

every time u catch him doing that you’ll go all ‘stop staring at me!!! wtf are u looking at u weirdo’ and he’ll answer ‘you’re so pretty~~~ ♥️♥️♥️’. you’ll blush like a lil idiot, naturally (^: hmmmm

and yea, yea. nap dates are a thing too :/// with sleepy forehead kisses and raspy voices and tangled limbs. all that sappy stuff. he’s a lil shit tho, so he’ll sometimes poke ur ribs to tickle u lmao.

buuuut he’ll also take a lot of pics of u sleeping bc he thinks youre cute )))): his faves always end up being his wallpaper for months.

he’ll get strange gifts for u, like rly bizarre plushies and rare books on topics he thinks u will like,  tacky anime memorabilia, etc. he’ll always give them to u at random times bc he just saw them and reminded him of u ♥️  

he makes a lot of playlists for u too!!! pls listen closely, he puts a lot more thought into them than he lets on.

u like his selfies??? well he’ll send u a lot of those. unfortunately, bc he’s a lil shit, he’ll mostly send double chins and weird ass faces from equally weird angles  

from time to time he’ll send u a Nice One tho ((((^: and u know, tongue selfies since youreSO fond of his(and I quote) “5ft tongue”. and oh gosh! is that a tongue piercing…??? eyyyyyy

if u want to take couple selfies then you’re gonna have a real hard time bc he’ll always be making weird faces and poses just to be annoying. eventually u will make dumb faces too tho (’: what a couple of losers

expect weird random texts: he loves telling u abt whatever is on his mind—probably aliens. he thinks a lot abt aliens and the universe. throw some conspiracy theories in there, too—. he’ll also send obscure memes. and a lot of russian cats!!

he’ll love ur cosplay hobbie. he thinks it’s super cool. he’ll call u a nerd but don’t be fooled! he totally brags abt it with his friends (^:

oh! and this is unrelated but at some point y'all will look like an emo goth couple. u won’t even realize that you’re both wearing black and looking Edgy, it’ll just happen spontaneously. tragic 😔

there are a lot of comfortable silences when u hang out, but late night deep convos are also fundamental :o!!! bc y'all are Smort.

he’ll act like f*cboi from time to time tbh?? he’ll tell lots of dirty jokes LMAO. u roll ur eyes at him a lot bc they’re rly. so bad.

if he winks or does Eyebrow Things then u can’t rly roll ur eyes and act like you’re annoyed bc (: u like it (: and u think it suits him (: and he knows it (: (: (:

u get back at him by telling him he’s cute tho, and he’ll get all shy and he’ll stutter and saying “noooooo” while also fighting back a smile

he will also howl or bark at u to annoy u jdfhkjdf. damn f*rry ://

on that note, he loves to embarrass u in front of ur friends bc he’s a lil shit :DD

But he’s also the sweetest??? whenever he sees you’re feeling down he’ll start doing weird shit to make u laugh. if that doesn’t work then he’ll hug u real tight without saying anything else, bc that’s Enough, u know?? (’:

ok time to get Domestic lads!!!

Idk who the hell is going to cook bc y'all are a damn mess in the kitchen. u two try to cook Nice Meals sometimes. seven times out of ten u end up ordering takeout lmao.

be prepared: he sings in the shower, and he does so terribly. (he might do it a little louder and a little more off-key sometimes bc he knows it makes u laugh)

random kisses are a thing!!! he kisses ur cheek or ur shoulder or ur nape or literally. any body part he can get his lips on when u two are just hanging out, watching movies or smth. it’s so soft and cute )^: wtf im crying

but also stolen kisses!! he’ll kiss u at the most unexpected of times and it alwaysleaves u breathless

he’ll constantly put his head on ur shoulder and make this face at u (^:  

can’t sleep??? don’t worry!!! he’ll sing to u with that pretty, soothing voice of his

anyway. what I meant is that y’all would be such cute little idiots together this was long af. wow. im so sorry. happy birthday??? lmao

I HAD TO PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE BC ITS SO FUCKING LONG NAT U DUMBASS ICB U DID THIS KFJSKFJSLKDJFLKJ THIS IS SO CHEESY AND GROSS and it also made me realize that u know too much shit abt me. what was that t*ngue part. im not talking to u ever again. aNYWAY U RLY ARE AN IDIOT I WAS SMILING SO BIG THRU THIS WHOLE THING MAYBE I SCREAMED A LITTLE?????????? FUCK U!!!!!!!! WHATS WITH ‘The Feelings’ PART I HATE THAT I ALMOST DIED FUCK OFF IM NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE FEELINGS!!!!!! U CANT DO THIS TO ME SKJFHSKJDHFKSLDJFH 

icb u rly did the fairground first date i rly fucking hate u why did i even tell u these things i knew it was gonna fire back im fjjgjkknknnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ur ‘tragic 😔’ when we become a goth couple :/ u dont understand goth love

why the fuck did u make him howl. i wanna fucking die rn. what the fuck. he fucking would. fuck off.

i dont wanna talk abt all that domestic shit how did u even write all of that without dying i literally wanna rip all my limbs off i wont make any comment. i didnt need to know what that would be like but u looooove ruining my life so :)

i rly hate u ksdjfhskdjhfksjh icb u did this thank u i wanna die??????????? wtf nat !!!!! no but rly thank u :( u took the time to write this long ass college au (is it????? whats cks major tho rly :/ ) and just skdfjsjk u remembered all the weird shit i told u thats cute and also Really Bad what else do u know that i forgot i told u skdfksjh im literally always screaming at u abt this shit how did u !!! remember all of this!!!!! dldskfjshljhlakjsh this is so cute and horrible nat wtf how could u :( now im gonna cry :(

[neoyeppuda]

Here - Mingyu scenario

Word Count: 3,382

Genre: Light angst and comfort plus a lil fluff

Clar’s A/N: This one’s for Feesha (@kingyu97)!! she didn’t tell me what she wanted to do on Christmas with her bias and she told me to surpise her so here it is!!! I haven’t posted in a long time and I’m really scaaaared. I tried to make it as personal as possible (?) so the likes and possibly personality (plus events that happened irl) of Y/n will resemble the mutual I’m writing for!! (hOPEFULLY) I’m working on Denise’s  (@/theliqht) and Lani’s next :D

I hope you guys enjoy this!! (Writers could probs relate but idk what am i talking about) (okay im really nervous about this it’s been so long btw the gif is beautiful)

The sound of laughter and Christmas carols brightened the ruthless winter breeze, loud enough to penetrate the white eggshell walls of your room which was in the inner area of your house. People welcomed guests at their front doors and everyone had someone to spend Christmas Eve with while you were cooped up inside the cozy home that felt a little too empty.

It was another night alone. And once everyone retired to their own homes, only the sound of the keyboard tapping disrupted the almost perfect silence that you’d rather not have as you briefly paused to wrap numb fingers around the curve of your mug. The hot chocolate radiated its warmth through the ceramic, which usually melted the numbness in your hands. But tonight, the bitter cold’s bite never left your fingertips, so you decided to ignore the minor hindrance and continued writing.

You went over your work for the millionth time, thoroughly reading every word you’ve written with dissatisfaction all over your face. Everything about it simply paled in comparison to everything else you’ve written in the past, and it frustrated you to no end.

A child could write better.

A sigh of dissatisfaction left your lips and you forced yourself to write anything that would come to mind. It made your head spin like a top, but you paid no attention to it. Progress was more important to you.

You redid a specific section, riding along the sudden yet transient rush of inspiration that eventually slipped away from your grasp, sending you back into this spiral of frustration. Fingers repeatedly tapped the backspace, removing the disappointing words from your sight. As you scoured every nook and every cranny of your brain for words to describe the character’s beautiful almond eyes, the typing came to a screeching halt.

A writer without inspiration was like a bird without wings. No matter how hard both tried, nothing could help them.

“I can’t do this,” you mutter under your breath, lifting your hands off the laptop’s black keys to run fingers through hair that framed your face. Your head throbbed with every word you forced out, desperately struggling to make progress even if you would end up revising it over and over again later on because it was never good enough. It was like there were chains around your lithe wrists, holding you back whenever you tried taking a step forward.

Your writing was stagnant, if not regressing.

Helplessness overwhelmed you, as you sat there with legs pulled close to your chest and a blanket covering your form. Mingyu wasn’t there to wrap his hands and arms around your small frame to pull you against his broad chest, comforting you with sweet words of encouragement and support as he rolls his thumb over your tear-stained cheeks. It was only you, alone with demons that gnawed at your sanity as you continued to subject yourself to torturous thoughts.

You didn’t know what time or even day your boyfriend was coming back but you certainly wished that he was at least present for Christmas Eve. Every call and every text was left unanswered, you didn’t dare call any of the members knowing they were probably either sleeping or busy to respond so you waited by yourself.

Despite how desperately you wanted to write, nothing was going to happen. You yearned for his presence, to the point that you couldn’t think of anything else, and you used that as another excuse. “I miss him. That’s why words aren’t coming out,” a soft and weak whisper to yourself comforted you with the lies that wrapped around it. Denying the actual reason seemed easier than facing it and accepting it.

It was one reason after another.

“I can’t write because of this,” whatever unreasonable excuse you found was more than enough to justify why you weren’t able to write. You refused to accept the fact that you lacked inspiration, not even knowing why you did. Heartbreak usually inspired you, but the only thing you wanted to do right now was cry and wallow in the self-pity that was pent up inside. You couldn’t write regardless of whether he was there or not, but you needed him to ease the pain his absence kissed you with.

“Why aren’t you here?”

The weak, suppressed sobs that barely made a squeak was all you would permit to escape your pale lips. With arms crossed, you squeezed your sides sharply. Everything just felt numb.

“What? No, Mingyu’s not at the dorm. He left earlier than all of us,” Wonwoo told you over text. Your fingers curled around the shape of the phone in your hand.

That was hours ago.

“Wouldn’t he be there by now?” you didn’t have the strength to respond, leaving his messages unread. The clock on your desk ticked and tocked, telling you it was already midnight; but it didn’t matter. You already had a sour feeling that he wasn’t going to show, draining you of any motivation to lift a finger. The bed might have tempted you to remove your ass from the office chair but you didn’t give a damn about where you’d sleep tonight.

A long and tired yawn pulled a layer of tears over your eyes. You took another glance at the incomplete work in front of you, pulling on the white blanket that hung around your shoulders to cover exposed skin. Every minute that passed made your eyelids grow heavier, like a construction worker that piled bricks atop one another.

A blurry image of the clock’s arms pointing at the bold number one was the last thing you could recall seeing before succumbing to the sandman’s sweet lullaby.

Dark circles were forming around the boy’s tired eyes as the sun started to peek its bright head into the obsidian sky. It was terribly late, he was too preoccupied to spare his watch a glance but he assumed the time was past midnight. His long arms cradled the brown paper bag that was spilling with ingredients and various bottles while a thick rope hung around his wrist, occasionally tugging at his arm as he fished his pocket for a key.

A small yip and the continual disturbance he was dealing with made him hush the source of the commotion. “You’ll wake her,” he says in a loud whisper, slowly twisting the brass knob before closing the door that was now behind him.

With another yip upon hearing the door shut rather too loudly for its ears, your heavy eyelids flutter open halfway, immediately shutting close before they part again like two magnets repelling each other. You sat up straight with wide eyes and a hanging jaw. Fingers dug into your palm, balling your hand into a fist to ease the shaky heart that threatened to jump out of your chest with every hasty thump.

His name left your cold lips, eyes taking in his tall form that froze at the sight of you, “Mingyu.” Fingertips created creases at the bottom of the paper bag when you pushed the chair back, letting it rub against the wool carpet, to make your way towards the tense man. You called out his name in a much softer tone that perfectly accompanied the loneliness brimming over your tired eyes as you took slow steps towards him.

He watched you move closer, letting the rope slide down from his wrist and into his bent fingers. You caught something that barely hid behind Mingyu’s legs. Its white curly hair obvious from the small gap in between the black fabric of his slacks as it jumps forward, tickling your feet with the animal’s padded paws and long fur.

“(Y/n), I can explain,” he tells you with a degree of alarm in his tone. You removed your eyes from the small puppy below you, turning to him. Before he could even finish a sentence, the words that left his mouth came to an abrupt stop the moment he felt your warmth wrap around his torso. He paused for a brief second before placing a hand on your back, pulling you closer to rest his chin on your shoulder.

He says your name again, with a tinge of confusion underlying the gentle manner he uttered it in. “I’ve missed you,” the shakiness of your voice was difficult to repress, making it clear as day that you were close to tears. “I’ve missed you too,” Mingyu replies warmly. The husky yet bright voice he spoke in and the toothy grin he gave you as his sparkling eyes looked into yours replaced the numbness with elation that you didn’t think you’d ever feel again. Hot tears wouldn’t stop flowing, and soft sobs left you. Fingers clawed onto his goofy Christmas sweater, grabbing fists full of the knitted wool as the emotions you couldn’t tell anyone about piled up and began bursting out like a dam flooding uncontrollably.

Mingyu’s name slipped through your quivering lips so many times that you had lost count. “I thought you weren’t coming home,” you choked out. His callous hands thread through hair that clung to the tears on your skin, brushing them back to expose creased brows and crinkled chin previously hidden. His large hands slid down to cup your face, lightly squeezing your cheeks together with his wrists as he pressed his forehead onto yours, “hey.” You gave no reply, still shaking in his arms. “Hey,” in a hushed whisper, he tells you to look at him, “I’m here.” Mingyu repeated the words that slightly eased the storm inside of you, “(y/n) I’m here.” A thumb brushed against the arc of your cheekbones, sweeping the salty tears away as they rolled down.

“I’m tired but I don’t want to be tired,” you bawl, whimpering as a result of futile attempts at suppressing sobs.

“Hey,” Mingyu murmurs in a terribly gentle tone, as if anything more than that was enough to shatter you into pieces. Soft shades of passion fruit surfaced when his warm fingers traced the outline of your cheeks, trailing like a sentence that can never be finished. You were still trembling against his touch and there was little he could do. “I thought,” the words barely made sense when you started talking, pausing to swallow a salty lump in your throat. “Everything would be okay once,” you stopped again and Mingyu echoes the last word, “once?”

Eyes that were cast down until now looked up at the boy with pain painted over the glossy depths of your orbs. “I thought I could write when you came back,” you forced the complete thought out with a ragged breath, barely loud enough to reach Mingyu’s ears. Teeth dug into his soft peach pink bottom lip as he puzzles for a response. The silence between you stretched out until he asks, “remember the time it happened to you last year?” You nodded with eyes flickering towards the floor again.

“I told you that if nothing could fix it, you’d take a break,” you wasted no time in turning to him and opening your mouth to refuse it but he sternly calls your name once the word “but” rolled off your tongue, drawing his brows together to form creases. You held back the rest of the words you wanted to say, pressing your lips together as his sharp features immediately soften, “take a break.”

All you did was jerk your chin up in acknowledgment, unable to look at him directly as more tears started to build up in your puffy eyes. “We can’t spend time together if you don’t,” he trails off, throwing a crooked smile in an attempt to lighten the mood as much as he could. Fresh tears slid down your already tear-stained face. Mingyu reached out to wipe them away but you had already brushed them off with the back of your hand. “I’m fine,” the weak smile you gave him made his worries grow instead.

Mingyu didn’t know what else could comfort you, squeezing you tightly as he pulls you even closer to him. “You don’t seem fine,” he says weakly with a hint of sadness behind the rough lacquer of his voice. You remained silent, refusing to answer knowing that he saw right through you. “I know you don’t want to,” he caresses your face, guiding you to turn to him, “but you have to.”

A small nod was your response; his heart ached at the sight of you like this. Brows created stiff slopes and the frown on his weary face drew lines from his nose to the edges of his lips as a quiet breath escapes his nostrils, carrying all the sadness he couldn’t bear to keep in. “(Y/n),” he croaks, taking a brief moment to think of the words to say, “don’t think of it as taking a break because you can’t write,” another smile spread across his lips, squeezing your hand in his, “but because I want to spend time with you.”

You pondered upon his words that seemed like forever to him. Mingyu held his breath, only releasing it the moment your lips curled into a wide smile, “okay.” He repeats after you, his own face lighting up immediately after seeing you happy. Perhaps it made him a little bit too giddy, grabbing your wrist and heading straight out the door along with the tiny furry friend that followed the leash that was now in your hands.

The calm winter air and the snow that crumbled around your legs felt refreshing, lifting your spirits high up to the heavens. You wrapped the blanket tighter when you felt the cold slowly crawling under your skin. Noticing how the small puppy shivered, you picked it up and cradled him in your arms. The bigger puppy, whom everyone knew as Mingyu, never noticed how chilly it actually was due to the multiple layers of thin sweaters underneath the baggy red one he had on.

He patted a sturdy spot flat to sit on, and began working on whatever the sorry clump of snow was supposed to be. You simply watched him from above, stifling giggles that almost escaped your pursed lips.

Determination sparkled in his eyes as fingers glide around the clump to draw a heart deep into the snow, using it as a guide when he piles more snow onto the lumpy pile. Mingyu stops, noticing the sudden silence between him and you. The boy looked up and saw you admire the line where clear white snow met a jet black sky while a hand stroked the little dog’s curly fur. The sight of which, melted the frost that crept up to his cheeks, painting them a cherry red that resembled the candy canes hung around the balconies of the neighboring houses. Mingyu smiles inwardly and finishes up his little gift.

He happily pats it all around, forming the solid heart that was apparently meant for you. “(Y/n),” was written at the center with his index finger, which he proudly showed off to you with a grin from ear to ear. “Picture it!” he chants. Mingyu poses next to it, with two fingers held up and a toothy smile that would make people think the sun was rising at two in the morning.

Once his picture was taken and approved of by none other than him, he jumps to his feet. “Let’s go in now,” he sang, rubbing his two hands together, “it’s getting too cold.” You tail the boy, slightly confused and only a few steps behind him when he opens the door for you.

Inside, he picks up the bag of groceries previously left leaning against one of the walls, bringing them to the kitchen. Curious, you quirked an eyebrow upwards and stepped into the kitchen as well. You watch him put away all the thing he bought, leaning down to prop your cheek onto a balled fist. “What’s all this?” you inquire, eyes following the bottle of vanilla extract he held in between fingers.

“Plans for tomorrow,” he chimes, pulling out bags of flour and cornstarch. Knowing Mingyu, he probably invited the boys over for dinner, and planned to prepare everything a few hours before. “At what time will the boys arrive tomorrow?” you ask, setting the puppy down. The boy’s eyes widened, as if you suddenly grew two heads, and your face stiffens, not knowing what you said wrong until he began laughing with a hand over his mouth. “It’ll just be the two of us,” he tells you, which struck you with confusion. Ever since you could remember, Christmas would always be spent with the boys at wherever Mingyu would be. You didn’t mind at all, but he goes and cancels all of it without even telling you. “Why?” you stammer.

His eyebrows draw together as if he was pleasantly surprised, “don’t you want to spend time with just the two of us?” He crumpled the paper bag, stepping on the trash can’s pedal to toss the bag in.

Another “but” came out of you right before Mingyu continues. “I know you do,” he teases, nudging your arm lightly. You share a brief laugh with him, and he exclaims with enthusiasm, “see?” Your eyes drifted away from him in embarrassment, bashfully pressing your lips together in an attempt to suppress a cheesy smile. As you looked away, a hand pats your head firmly. Mingyu strokes your hair for a while before planting a kiss on your pinkish cheek. “You do,” your cheeks grew several shades darker, a reaction Mingyu was pleased to see. He sheds his winter jacket and caught a glimpse of the wall clock.

The clock was still ticking and soon, it would already be three hours into the morning. Mingyu had realized that, and felt that it was time to retire.

“Well then,” he lets out a short sigh, “let’s go to bed!” His pajamas were on in no time, flowy and loose as he plops onto the space beside you. A loud breath left him, carrying all the stress he had bottled up, and he slipped under the cozy blanket. Mingyu squirms closer and closer to you, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you towards the middle of the bed.

The puppy Mingyu had brought home found the bed, barking as she couldn’t reach the edge of the bed frame. He chuckles and leans down to scoop her up, letting her down on the space between your legs and his. She presses the folded comforter with her tiny paws, adjusting to the new environment she found herself in. When she deemed it safe, her body curled to sleep.

“She’s one of my gifts for you,” Mingyu watched it all unfold with a proud smile, as if he was a parent watching his child learning how to walk. “I didn’t know what to get you but I thought a puppy would be great,” he brushes a hand through the sleeping dog’s fur before returning the arm to its place around your waist, “I was sure you’d like her. And I think I’m right.”

“Merry Christmas,” he whispers with eyes fluttering close to fall into a peaceful slumber.

His words floated around your mind, you couldn’t stop thinking about them. Of course you didn’t mind him bringing home a puppy, however you weren’t exactly fond of animals. Why did he say you liked her? Did you really?

Aside from the confusion, uneasy feelings arose regarding how hard it would be to take care of the little thing and you thought of returning the gift despite how disappointed Mingyu would be.

You thought about it properly. And while you did, your attention drifted towards the small smile on your boyfriend’s face as his chest quietly rose up and down, eventually moving towards the resting pupper that probably went through a lot today. You took one last look at both of them, a smile gracing your lips as you rolled over to your side and snuggled against his chest before closing your eyes.

Maybe taking a break wouldn’t be so bad.

You looked forward to Christmas with them, slipping into a deep sleep with sweet dreams of a Christmas morn filled with the fun and warmth you haven’t had in a while.

[thisnerdsadventures]

a day in the life

so i thought i’d hash out what i did yesterday because some of you i suppose are wondering what college students do, so here is a rundown of everything i did yesterday and today:

tl;dr if you don’t want to read the whole thing just click on this youtube link for the most important part of the last 48 hours of my life -> [x]

wednesday:

8:30am: woke up after 4 hours of sleep and ran to my 9am

9am: took a practice quiz for my programming class. finished around 45 minutes early, so i got a chance to buy breakfast

10:15am: went to hide out in the eecs lounge while eating a breakfast sandwich. dropped my resume to a couple of companies (twitter)

11:00am: went to my algorithms recitation where we talked about basic hashing and chaining

12pm: ran over to my lab meeting, where there was unexpectedly, no free lunch. sad. but i also got there like halfway through the meeting, so they were discussing a table and i wasn’t really sure what the table meant but i sat there and was impressed because i was being surrounded by science

1pm: went to my machine learning class. we started on a lab about stochastic gradient descent and the pegasos algorithm. pretty interesting stuff

2:30pm: bought panda express for lunch, hung out for like half an hour

3:00pm: ran over to lab to work on my urop (i also realize i havent talked at all about my new project - basically its all the way on the other side of the spectrum, i’m doing protein modeling, specifically modeling silk proteins. i’m doing structural analysis to study changes in different conditions. im being vague bc idk what’s confidential at this point)

5:00pm: ran over to yoga. because you need to take PE here to graduate. sigh

6:00pm: got dinner, they had poke bowls that made my mouth feel weird

7:00pm: tutored someone in 6.042 (we have HKN tutoring here where you can get paid for tutoring others). i took this class last semester and honestly don’t remember stable matching

8:00pm: worked on my machine learning lab and finished it, but realized i really should review everything we’ve done lately.

9:30pm: did my readings for my world music class. 

11:00pm: worked on practice problems for my quiz in 009 on friday. tomorrow. thats tomorrow oh n

11:45pm: took a break and hung out w some friends. we watched a video of a fish eating a nut. i’m serious though please watch it [x]

12:00am: went back to interview prep and studying up for my interview with bose on friday! v exciting, much anxiety. lost productivity

2:30am: slept

thursday:

10:20am: woke up

11:00am: went to algorithms lecture. did not understand a single thing

12:00pm: hung out in a lounge before my HASS class. read up more about hashing to try and comprehend what lecture was about. realized book did not have anything on rolling hash

12:30pm: went to my music class

2:00pm: ran to buy lunch, worked on my urop in the eecs lounge

4:00pm: had to go to a makeup yoga session. was much more chill than my yoga class. why

5:00pm: currently hanging out, should be applying to other things, insteada writing this post

6:00pm: will eat dinner

7:30pm: i’m doing a mock interview with a senior friend, and idk why i signed up for this because now im really nervous for this

8:00pm: FINALLY HOME AND I WILL EAT PIZZA AND REST AND TRY NOT TO CRY BEFORE TOMORROW BECAUSE INTERVIEW TOMORROW AT 10:30AM MY FIRST INTERVIEW OF MY PROFESSIONAL CAREER CRIE

also if you look at the above schedule you will see i leave around an hour for dinner and 15 minutes of break time at like midnight to call my parents and have social interaction, so if i dont respond to your text/messages immediately THIS IS WHY LMAO

[handsome-badger]

5, 6, 7, 14, 15, 16, 20, 22, 25, 28, 29, 33, 34, 40, and 41? (And 42!)

did you know that im love you, thank you

5. What’s one meal that makes you think of your childhood? theres this recipe on the back of minute rice boxes for a meal called “souper rice” and its basically rice, cream of chicken soup, chicken, mushrooms, and peas mixed together. my grandpa used to make it at least once a week

6. When someone asks, “What time is it?” how do you respond? i usually just tell them what the time is, but i have been known on occasion to start singing “does anybody really know what time it is”

7. Which Neko Atsume cat was/is your favorite? i quit playing a while ago so idk if there are any cats that came out recently that i would like, but my favorite is frosty

14. What’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot lately, but haven’t talked about? my dude. I'm the biggest over sharer ever. if I'm thinking abt smthg You Will Know

15. Do you talk to animals? What do you talk about? i tell them how much i love them

16. How was your day? forgettable. neither good nor bad. i had a cute outfit tho so that’s nice

20. What’s the last book or tv series that really grabbed your attention and wouldn’t let go? ummmm abt a month ago i was reading wicked pretty voraciously but i got halfway through and they stopped talking abt glinda so i kinda lost interest?? i intend on finishing it before i go see wicked in a couple weeks tho. maybe on the plane or smthg. i was also super into the x files for a while and actually made it like halfway through s3 but at this point i’ve more or less lost interest

22. When you go to the movie theater, do you stay and watch the credits? only when i want to see who voiced a certain character or if i think there might be a post-credits scene (sometimes you can just tell when a movie is gonna have a post-credits scene)

25. What was your least favorite part of middle school P.E.? THE FUCKING PACER TEST

28. Can you whistle? kinda?? i can do it some times better than others. i’ve been told that i whistle weird but it works for me so like idk

29. What’s your favorite trope?

33. Who’s your favorite superhero? I'm not super into the whole superhero thing but probs captain marvel, just bc when i was a freshman i had a huge crush on this girl who was super into comic books and she lent me two of her captain marvel comic books bc she thought i might like them and ever since then i’ve had warm fuzzy feelings associated w/ captain marvel

34. What’s a song that makes you smile? “what is this feeling” from wicked. its so gay

41. What kind of activities do you normally do when you hang out with friends? food and movies. and shopping if i’m with sarah

42. This isn’t actually a question, just a friendly note saying that you’re great and I hope you have a good day. what the shit this is so kind i don't deserve this, thank you

[flockofdoves]

i dont really know why im posting this on my public blog instead of privately or probably even more sensibly with people i care about (although i just feel so alienated, i’ve become good friends with people in college and i love them a lot but i’m not sure despite how open some people have encouraged me to be, if my relationships are close enough to talk about this kinds of stuff seriously, which might be a weird concern because i overshare all the time but i just always feel really guilty for it) i guess i mind less about people hearing this and more about burdening anyone in specific, idk!!

but yeah ive just been really emotional this week, or really ive had the same range of emotions as usual but ive just been crying a lot again. i used to cry almost every day and have like weekly panic attacks in high school when my relationship with my parents was really toxic and i was harassed every day at school my senior year, but since freshman year after my dad was diagnosed and then my nana passed away and then my dad passed away too for the most part i’ve just been holding in so much and i’m finally starting to let that out this past month or so but in really weird ways where i’ll burst out sobbing even in public over the stupidest shit

and thats started to happen multiple times a week as of this past week and its made me realize how i feel alone all over again. i have one person at university i would consider to genuinely be a close friend even if he may not consider me a best friend, i’m not sure, but we only see each other around every other week when we actually plan to hang out because we’re no longer in any of the same classes or dorms or anything. beyond that i feel most comfortable with people from work, and consider many of them to be my friends, but recently some of my co-managers have been speaking out about how they feel unwelcome in our work environment and it can feel cliquey and it makes me so upset that i didn’t pick up the cues that shouldve made me realize that, i feel like i’m not doing my part and if i am misinterpreting my relationships with my coworkers, then maybe they dont even consider me as much of a friend as i do them.

and then ive started to get closer with a few people ive only really talked to since school started and they really all are just such wonderful people and i want to get to know them better but i worry the way i’m opening up to them is disproportionate and unfair to them but i really don’t know how to navigate this all.

its making me realize i dont think my avoidant personality disorder shit ever actually improved for the most part, it was just that my two best friends, shannon and burke, and my girlfriend, jacqueline, have been a constant in my life for so long now that my constant anxieties about my relationships with others and my interactions didn’t feel as prominent because at least logically i knew i could rely on them

and of course i can, i love all three of them so much and they have been for me through so much, but since college i don’t get to see shannon every day and burke multiple times a month, when we catch up its wonderful, and i’m sure its all natural to how long term friendships work, but not having them here physically sometimes makes me feel a bit more lonely, because regardless of how many seemingly positive interactions i have with someone who isn’t them or who i’ve met in the past couple years, based on experience i can never have the reassurance that i have with them that they have explicitly given me throughout the years for ages after where i currently stand in all my irl friendships, and who knows how much of that all is mutual even now we’re those newer friendships are at. and even jacqueline, who i try to talk to as much as possible, this past year has been so emotionally draining that i’ve slipped into not talking at least once a day like we used to and i feel like i dont have nearly as much time as i want to be spending with her having fun. and for all three of them i worry i just am not there for them like i want to be.

and just specifically with romantic stuff it makes me so upset i’ve only ever got to visit jacqueline irl once, which was almost a year ago now, and that most of that memory even though i loved the short time we had i also associate with my dads health turning even worse because his legs becoming paralyzed while me and my mom were in oklahoma of course meant that we cut the trip short because of course we wanted to make sure my dad was safe and okay.

and yeah just after crying again today, my new friends hugging me was really nice, but when i went into my room right afterward i burst out sobbing, and i have no idea how to recover from this or comfort myself effectively, i only know how to sleep it off and feel like shit when i wake up halfway through the next day. so now thats why i’m writing this to vent and have been for like the past 45 minutes and still havent really gotten to all of it. i don’t know how to comfort myself but i know right now i just really wish i had someone that could just lie down with me and comfort me, maybe even a bit romantically.

and i feel really goofy for saying that, i get really self conscious about how immature i feel compared to so many people my age, sometimes i think its in part an autism thing but also i know other autistics at my university who aren’t like this so i really don’t have a decent excuse but like . i’ve never even done that with someone.

me and jacqueline only got to see each other essentially a day before i suddenly needed to go back to ohio, we were both so nervous, we took a while to even hold hands, and that day and a half we saw each other i had my first kiss, and later my last kiss i’ve had since. both of those and the ones in between being just a peck on the lips. i’m not complaining about that, i don’t think we should’ve rushed our pace, but i think it goes to show how lost i feel in navigating this all if even after knowing her so well and dating her for over 2 years at that point, i froze so much.

i’m comfortable with jacqueline with stuff like that because she’s expressed shes in a similar boat, and i really appreciate that understanding. i think its wonderful how we’ve been together for almost 3 years now, but also thinking about that is wild. i was in such a different place back then, i don’t think i really knew what dating someone or being in a relationship entailed. i’m happy with how we go about our relationship, but also i get really lost when comparing how i define and go about romantic things versus most people i’ve met in college. i’ve never been in a relationship with anyone but her, and i’ve never been in a relationship that wasn’t long distance. i love her and i wish she were closer so maybe we could begin to figure that out together. also ive had a lot of casual crushes on girls at college in the past couple years and i think it would be really nice to explore that too, but honestly i have no idea how to go about that and its so daunting to try to think about so i just resign it as unrealistic unless something extremely significant changes within the next few years, and then i’ll be really pathetic for not knowing anything as a fucking 23 year old maybe in grad school or something. and so i just get to feeling more lonely and having more anxiety about my interactions and relationships with others.

i know its a common thing apparently for lgbt people to be “late bloomers” but im surrounded by so many lgbt people who are so far ahead of me with relationship stuff, and i don’t think i’ve met a single lgbt person in college besides myself who is quite this inexperienced/naive/etc.

i dont know how i’m ever supposed to learn this stuff at this rate, even if i feel slightly less bad about stuff like my appearance and personality nowadays (or more like, i know i look weird but i care less now because i dont care enough any more to try changing my appearance over it, and then i’m still terrible with communication and social cues and oversharing and all my weird shit etc etc etc but i guess at least i try to be compassionate and that must at least be somewhat noticeable if other people sometimes remark on it), even if people are fine with that and find me interesting enough, i really don’t see how almost any girl who got that far would then find it worth it to deal with how fucking stunted i am in that regard. like thats just not fair to have to have someone guide me around so much because i just have no idea what to do and no idea How to figure that out.

so yeah im just . having a rough time im very emotional and expressing it physically (which while somewhat cathartic after feeling so empty, also makes me feel worse because the context in which i last was like this is not one i want to dwell on now that my dad has passed and ive been in the process of forgiveness) and i have so much love for so many people but also i feel so so so so so lost and alone and stunted and i really just don’t know how to begin working on that and its really embarrassing to admit.

[decadenttimetravelmentality-blog]

michigan insurance exchange

"michigan insurance exchange

michigan insurance exchange

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michigan insurance exchange

michigan insurance exchange

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michigan insurance exchange

michigan insurance exchange

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low rates? ???

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okay soo I just turned 18 last tuesday, and today, I got a speeding ticket. I was going 58 in 40, but I really didn't notice that. the cop went by me in the other direction and apparently his radar said I was going 58. I know I've sped on that road before, but this time I honestly don't think I was. it was my second speeding ticket.. I got one last year that didn't go on my record or something so the insurance company never found out. but this time, I can't imagine I'd be so lucky. I've been googling car insurance and how much it would go up, but I can't find it anywhere. I believe we're with arbella. my parents are going to kill me and I don't know what to do that will help this situation. so I guess I have two questions: one, how much will my family's insurance increase? and two, what to do I do to minimize the penalty, or whatever you want to call it. I'm perfectly willing to pay the fine..if I was speeding, I deserve that.""

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How much will it cost to insure a cheap car?

So I already have a car and I'm under my parents insurance but I want to buy a project car just for fun but how much would that cost me roundabout to insure

Should I buy a new car on interest free with free insurance or a second-hand car?

I have not owned a car in the UK, so have only had a full UK driver's licence for 4 years, although have driven in NZ for 14 years. Therefore, my insurance quotes have been in the region of 2 K. Was thinking of getting a new car to circumvent the hassle of looking for a second hand car and also to bring down my insurance the following year. Monthly repayments on a new car would be 200 on a 10 K car, or 3500 upfront for a second-hand car. Can someone give me a proper financial assessment and also the pros and cons of a second-hand and new car? Cheers!""

michigan insurance exchange

michigan insurance exchange

Will my insurance go up after a speeding ticket?

I got pulled over doing 48 in a 25. Ouch..i know. The cop gave me a court date and i dont know whether i should go to court and try to get this revised so it doesnt look so bad or if i should just pay the 150....AND is my isurance going to go up. I have grange...PLEASEEEE help out...im 19 and no previous tickets or violations

Are young adults covered under their parents health insurance till 26 under the new Obama law?

Is it true that the new Obama law states that children/young adults will receive health insurance coverage until they are 26 even if they are not in school, married, and living out of ...show more""

When buying motorbike insurance is CBT= Provisional ?

I was looking about for insurance quotes for a 125 and when you select what type of licence you have it dose not say CBT at all, but it says UK provisional and UK moped, but i dont think moped is a CBT because moped is 50cc only, can anyone tell me what a CBT licence is called when buying insurance""

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HYPOTHETICALLY............If you are trying to sell a house, you get audited (like it says in the bill) and they say that you have to upgrade a whole lot of stuff that you can't ...show more""

Auto insurance broker fee in CA?

Hi I live in CA i just bought a new 2012 hyundai and went to get insurance through Freeway Insurance and I signed up for a 12 month premium with Farmers they did not tell me anything about a broker fee until after i signed all the paperwork. I am 20yrs old and paying $220 a month for full coverage. They charged me a $275 Broker fee I just want to no if this is even legal or if they ripped me off! I walked out spending $560.00 Are they allowed to charge such high fees I will call my credit card and have them refund it immediately if they ripped me off. Please help. Open to all answers thankyou!

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im 22 and im about to purchase a used car from a dealership. i havent went yet i plan to go tomarrow and take a look see. but now im going to have to start thinking about insurance. i know some of it depends on the type of car but i kind of just want an all around knowledge of which on would be the cheapest for my age bracket. or is there any good web sites for me to go to? oh and i dont want to go with safe auto. love.

Where can I find the best and affordable health insurance?

employer does not provide health insurance anymore. where can i find the best affordable health insurance that i pay for myself? thanks

How much do you insure for the Bodily Injury Limits?

What is Bodily Injury Limits on your car insurance? What is the limit should I have and why?

Insurance and Licence Plate?

So my mum brought me a licence plate for my car last year, and the latest I can put it on my car is the 17th July. If I pass my test this week and set my insurance up for it to start 2 weeks later it will cost me a lot less. Can I set my insurance up with the licence plate I have now, send the form off for my new licence plate, and then ring my insurance company up later and tell them that I've changed my licence plate? If they charge for this has anyone got any idea of how much? I know its slightly complicated, so if anyone doesn't understand just ask.""

How much would insurance be for a 750cc Motorbike for a 21 year old male (UK)?

I'm talking averages, what would be considered 'overly expensive'? Full licence and CBT. I don't have the bike so can't input the details on an insurance comparison site, I'm only considering it if it is better value to get the less powerful 125. Cheers.""

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Say, today is 1st Feb'09. I had an auto policy (from Farmers) that expired on 1st Jan'09. Today, I buy a new policy from a different insurance company(AAA). When I discontinue service with Farmers, am I bound to show the new insurance policy to them? Also, will I get charged for the period from 1st Jan'09 to 31st Jan'09 by Farmers?""

How much is car insurance for teens?

How much is car insurance for teens?

What can a car finance company do if you no longer have insurance?

I bought a 2004 vehicle (from CarMax) about 3 months ago. The finance company (Capital One Auto Finance) would only approve me if I started an insurance policy before I left the dealership. I did, but have since let that policy go, for different reasons. The finance company is now sending me letters to give them updated insurance info, or they may take appropriate action to protect its interest . What exactly does that mean??? All my payments have been on time, actually 2 weeks or more early. So, what can they do if I continue not to have insurance, since my payments on the vehicle are all in order? Since guessing or assuming won't help me, sources for your answers would be helpful. Thanks.""

If i have one product insurance with two companies can i claim both?

I lost a mobile phone. I have insurance from my bank and network provider, so can i claim from both of them?""

Does anyone know of any good health insurance for newborns and children in southern california?

I need to get my 2 month old health insurance and there are just too many. I would like to know if anybody has health insurance for their kids and is happy with it.

How much would motorcycle insurance cost?

Hello, i'm 20 about to be 21 in december, but i'm gonna be going for my motorcycle license in a week, an planning on buying a kawasaki ninja 250R since it has good reviews, but i'm wondering how much it would be for insurance i'm just going for motorcycle license cause i don't like cars, trucks etc. but yeah so i don't have a normal license so i have no driving record of crashes etc. i'm in indianapolis, IN cause i know states vary. Rob""

Who offer the cheapest car insurance? liabiliy or collision only?

Liability or collision

Are insurance rates high for classic cars?

Are insurance rates high for classic cars?

How much is health insurance for a baby?

Ballpark please, don't need exact numbers. Teen parents, how much is health insurance for the baby gonna be?""

Car insurance costs help?

I am an 18 year old looking to buy a car, so i need car insurance.. I live in Indiana. I have never recieved any tickets or warnings. Last year someone hit me, but it was her fault. Both insurances involved in that and the police have said it wasn;t my fault. The lady passed out while driving and hit me. Will that have an impact on me? What would be the cheapest place for me to get car insurance? For basic coverage and full coverage?""

""Why can car insurance base on statistics, but other things can't.?""

Is it women who gossip more at work or men? Is it women who bring their personal life to work more or is it men? Is it women who will have to take a huge break at work because pregnancy or men? Why are women paid lower? Is it men that get in more wrecks then women? Is it men that have the need for speed always in their head while driving? Is it men that buy flashier cars? Why do men pay more for car insurance? So basically we have one type of company that can be sexist on statistics, but what about statistics everywhere else? Also, does the rule not look at soccer mom statistics? I've seen way more women talking on their phone then men. Six parking lot wrecks at my work this year all caused by women in my office (none by men). I drive a 5 speed so talking on the phone isn't something I even like to try. The reason for my complaint is my sister is 17. She has one dui and two speeding tickets. I am 21 I have a clean slate other than a warning for my headlight being out and nothing else. My insurance is $1320 a year her insurance is $720. We drive the same car and have had the same courses. It makes me feel like it makes sense I should be paid more because I pay more because something I can't control.""

Where is the best place to get cheap car insurance for young drivers?

Where is the best place to get cheap car insurance for young drivers?

Address on insurance and car registartion is different?

One of my relative has the car insurance with his Buffalo, NY address and his car registration and license address at Brooklyn, NY. Most of the time he lives in Brooklyn. Is there any big problem if addresses are different? He changed the address on his insurance to save money on insurance premium.""

""Insurance, I need a awnser.?

I bought a car with some cosmetic damage. It needs a new quarter panel. If I get insurance on the car will they fix that?

Does term life insurance have an expiration date? (Other than death)?

Does term life insurance have an expiration date? (Other than death)?

michigan insurance exchange

michigan insurance exchange

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/virginia-dental-insurance-waiting-period-anthony-parker/"