#idk i personally believe religion is allowed to be fun

[freespiritlilith]

lilith is jewish and open ok. like moses. lilith is a synchretic figure already diffused between innumerable groups separated by time and space, connected by names and stories. it really makes me feel lonely unsafe and uncomfortable to be a jewish lilith worshipper here, like devil worship is somehow wrong now. ! demon worship is not wrong. Will it be antisemitic next to disagree with mosaic law? Will polytheism be antisemitic? Sodomy? idk its been worrying me more of late like its paralleling the societal move backwards w transphobia and sexphobia and conflation of not-antisemitism with real antisemitism like people who say any/all critique of israel makes u an antisemite!!(its doesnt)(neither does nonjews interacting with lilith) but with how the vibes are now!!!This is all going a sad direction :( ardent philosemitism can turn antisemitic too!!!

As a white gentile, I feel absolutely disgusted with people who share my status doing that to Jews. I hope they all fuck off and leave you all alone, its not hard to learn that you can't have something. I may think Lilith is cool, but that's it, I don't practice or worship with her cause she's not mine to do so. I seriously hope y'all get a reprieve from these people, having to fight just so people leave your religion alone sounds so very tiring, my condolences. None of you deserve what's happening to you

I'm not Jewish though a proud ally. But I hope my Jewish followers see this.

[lieslab]

Hoping this doesn't come off as insensitive but have you struggled with suicide before? Idk the way you wrote your last fic seems personal and maybe I'm looking to much into it. I hope your not struggling behind the scenes is what I'm trying to say ❣

It's not insensitive and honestly, I appreciate you checking in. I can happily reassure you that I'm thriving behind the scenes. Please don't worry about me so much, I'm okay <3

However, that drabble really did come from a personal place. At one point, I struggled a lot with being suicidal and attempting suicide, so the thoughts and feelings intertwined within the words, those are real. It's been a few years since I've had that mindset, but a few days ago, some memories came back and I wrote about them. I figured that they could probably help someone out there.

I never succeeded in my attempts and I'm so happy that I didn't die. I've grown a lot over the years and found meanings and purpose once more. I know that not everyone can say the same, so I was hoping it'd land with the people who need it most.

The world seems really dark and lonely at times, but you never know what's waiting for you. If I would have succeeded at an attempt, I never would have been able to create this page and write things for you all to enjoy.

I can't go back and tell my teenage self all the good things that have happened over the years. I can't save myself from going through growing pains and experiencing those harsh feelings, but I can try to write things and remind people that the winter in your head doesn't last forever. It's not cold forever and one day, you'll learn that better things await you.

Maybe this is sharing too much information. I don't know and maybe I just don't care. I used to cry myself to sleep and pray to a god that I didn't believe in to kill me. I used to self-harm because I thought I was a failure. I've attempted suicide more times than a person could imagine and I used to hate myself for failing, but god, I'm so glad I failed.

I could never see the sunlight through black tar dipped eyes, but I took some steps out of my comfort zone. I got the help I needed and for me, that started with a good therapist. Now I own a cat and she curls up in my lap when I write. I write silly fanfiction to remind people that good things still exist. I fell in love with a group that reminded me that love doesn't have to be biological.

I pursue my dreams and I daydream of falling in love. I enjoy early morning walks in the spring and some of my favorite memories are glued to Chicago. I love the city, but I also love the country. I grew up opening farm animals and if I ever have the chance to own them again, I'd take it in a heartbeat. I've learned to embrace my flaws instead of hate them. Life isn't forever and change happens too quickly sometimes.

It's okay to feel lost at times and it's okay to ask for help. There's nothing wrong with admitting defeat or feeling down. Emotions are complex, but I've learned that you don't have to get through life alone.

Fall in love with people. Fall in love with culture. Find a new religion or study a new language. Put your phone down and step outside. See the way the baristas smile at customers and watch the face of your librarian light up when you ask if they can recommend you a book. Engage in polite small talk with strangers and remind yourself that everyone has struggles, even the people who seem entirely put together from the outside.

You don't always feel the way you do when you're fifteen. Your death will come whenever the time is right, but until then, all we have is time. Make fun memories. Sing off-key and do the stupid dance moves. Take bad photos, document your adventures, and exist as loudly as you want to.

This is your life and you're allowed to exist.

[golbrocklovely]

To that one anon: idk about the others, but I personally do not have any problem with Malia. Fuck, i like that woman, cause she makes Colby happy and they look really cute together. I wish them nothing but happiness. But when it comes to over sexualization about certain stuff, like this proffesor/student or nun/priest, well i have my own opinions. I think I don’t have to explain first one, but with the second one all i have to say is that back in the days i used to be very religious, i am less now, although i cannot say that i am an atheist, cause i am not and i always took very seriously any kind of mockery/making fun of/sexualization of any religion. It comes from not even a place of once being a big believer and praying almost every night, but even just the fact that to me religion is something that should always be respected and not used in weird ways or made fun of. And i am talking bout any type.

And to the owner of this blog: i already know your opinion on that, so don’t worry you don’t have to explain again and waste your precious time on me. I just wanted to point out that even though there are a lot of people who hate Malia or Colby and will hold onto anything just to send them hate, while they don’t necessarily care about the problem, there’s still people who just genuinely were disappointed and hurt by their choice of a costume. It doesn’t come from a place of hate (at least not from me). We just have different opinions on that and see it as disrespectful/wrong.

sorry for the delayed response.

this will be the last time i talk about these costumes strictly bc it's getting old at this point lol

but if yall want to still talk about them, go ahead. i just won't be answering asks about it.

i understand why you feel that way about religions. personally, i think it's healthy to mock religions, especially those of the christian variety. half the world has been colonized, pillaged, and changed bc of said religion, and in return poking fun at it should be allowed. but that goes for any religion in my book. i also think mocking a religion is different than mocking the deity that is the head of said religion. bc at the end of the day, while we can look at the bible (for example) and say it's god's word…. it's not. it was written by a bunch of men eons ago that couldn't even agree what god himself apparently said or did, which is why there are multiple versions. and it's also been translated so many times, it's not even remotely the same text anymore. and it's been changed in recent history too, so even if it was god's word, certain things have been changed to fit the narrative of those selling these books ie them changing "man shall not lay with boys" to "man shall not lay with other men" just in time to make homosexuality a mental disorder in the 40s.

and as i've stated before, ppl in their own religion make a mockery of their religion way more than those not in said religion, but that's just how i feel.

and i agree with you, there definitely were ppl that were upset at malia and colby that aren't constant haters, sure. i'm not gonna deny that. however, the ones the MOST opposed to this, the ones claiming malia and colby were creeps and pedos are the ones that have hated them for months. those are the ppl i'm referring to. bc to me, they aren't actually upset. they just hate them, and are finding something to complain about once again. bc at the end of the day it's not about the costumes for them, it's about the ppl in the costumes.

and if you're not someone that's been hating them since day one, nothing i've said since the beginning is about you. and sometimes in situations like this, we will just have to agree to disagree.

[earthgrudgefear]

hidan!!! for the ask game

YES right to it

obviously this is going to be a long post

you've been warned !

favorite thing about them: oh man. i think he's a really unique character. he's only like 2% justified in his anger and he makes it everyone else's problem. he's never depicted as anything BUT evil. the shinobi world is insane right? toddlers are raised as soldiers the second they can hold a knife. and so was he, no different from the rest of them. and the series Doesn't like to push that blame onto people, really early on you hear about all the awful things zabuza did and at the end of their battle he still dies as a respectable shinobi. BUT from start to end with hidan he is ONLY bad. he's doing this for FUN he's not doing it for a mission, he's not doing it because he needs to do it to survive like it was NEVER in question that this guy is JUST EVIL. but you CAN find these human sides to him. he has a Real bond with kakuzu, like they Actually are concerned for each other. in Akatsuki Hiden he meets a kid and he forms a bond with That Kid to the point of giving him funeral rites (burial rites?) when he dies. not as a sacrifice but as someone he cared about. when his village turned on him and he felt REAL betrayal. if he didn't care about them to some extent, he wouldn't still be mad about it. it's just FASCINATING.

least favorite thing about them: i don't even think there's anything i don't like about him. he's so fucking annoying and if i had to deal with him i'd try to kill him too BUT because i don't have to deal with him he's my best friend i like him SO much

favorite line: to be so transparent i like when he's picking on kakuzu for keeping the headband for him.

AND if i can use the book - i like this, it's less about the line itself but more about the repetition of it. like this is how they start every fight and i just think that's delightful

brOTP: y'all already know it's kisame. my defense for this has absolutely no basis in their interactions because honestly? kisame doesn't care for him too much. HOWEVER kisame is the easiest akatsuki member to get along with and hidan is basically impossible to get along with. i think it's a good match.

OTP: kakuhida, motherfuckers. they're everything to me. they were on screen for all of three seconds and i already knew that was it. i haven't been normal about them since. and they're canon as far as i'm concerned. stated or not they were Something.

nOTP: k*nan (sorry for censoring you name queen i don't want it to be searchable) i have such a Visceral reaction to them together i Cannot stand it. their characterization is so BUTCHERED for that ship that they become Unrecognizable. and i don't fucking get it like ??? yes they're both hot PICK ANYONE ELSE. also shipping him with any of the kids. like. that's not cute. he's young but he's not that young also holy shit they don't deserve that anyway

random headcanon: i probably mentioned this somewhere before and it's so easy but i think his favorite color's pink. like red sure because i mean look at him but also. Pink. i like pink for him.

unpopular opinion: i've touched on this before i don't think jashinism is real. i think he made it up and i think maybe he's convinced himself it's real. but i don't think there is a single other person who's ever heard of or tried to join the religion before. there's the kid i mentioned from the book but he learned straight from hidan, and then goddamned ryuki from boruto who i swear to God the writers wanted him to literally be hidan but they weren't allowed. neither of which really compel me to believe it. it just doesn't make tons of sense

song i associate with them: ouuh choke on one another death spells. that's been a big one recently

favorite picture of them:

favorite's a big word but i had this one saved to my phone which is probably good enough

OKAY 10000 points if you made it to the end you win idk what you win but you win

[puppbun]

Doing that Assumption this because I this it's fascinating and quite brave of you. I only went back like 9 days/ You post alot but so far I have gather this.

You may be shy or easily flustered. You enjoy waiting for your pleasure, especially if the wait makes it more intense or someone benefits from seeing you struggle. You may like overstim. You seem pretty submissive with a great need to please that some ppl may take for granted. You're people pleaser nature may make it difficult for you to say no. You may either be touch starved or have a love language of physical touch, words of affirmation though this may fight with you love of humiliation and degradation kinks, and quality time. You may be selective with who you welcome into your personal space but enjoy that person was they are there even if you aren't able to verbalize it often. You like puns, prop comedy, and situational funnies ( Idk how to explain this). Physical indicators,smell body temp, etc of attraction are enjoyed by you and I believe are meant to point to not being on a hormonal contraceptive ( though that may be a bit too invasive. and typing it now does feel low key creepy). You probably prefer moderate temps with light breezes and mild frost for which you can wear sweaters but don't have to deal with intense cold. You're open to BDSM and kink positive, even with those that may not resonate with you. You enjoy when ppl are open honest with there kinks if they are comfortable with that. You enjoy ownership and may prefer a caretaker/little or pet dynamic. You may like sense deprivation and may enjoy giving complete control over to your partner, trusting that they will know your limits. You may prefer t4t relationships. You don't mind getting hurt for loved ones. You enjoy liberal affection and would prefer blurred lines between lovers and friends. You may enjoy politics but not for debate but for the way it may explain universal human experiences as you care greatly about social welfare(as if how well humans are doing). You are climate conscious and may enjoy green spaces[not sure what I meant here. maybe you like plants or hiking. idk]. You are an artist. You're a furry and may have interesting views on humanity and what makes someone human. [I best explained this to myself as if you were playing Detroit Becoming Human you would be on the side of the androids. If you've read Sophie's World you probably would have cried at the end when Sophie asks you not to close the book so she can live]. With this vein of thought you would be open to a non human relationship if that person was able to pass the are they a human test. You are a monster fucker/fuckee. You may have struggled with depression, anxiety, and imposter syndrome. Including things like burn out, executive dysfunction, or procrastination. You like music, art and anime. You may even like to sing or at least have a really great appreciation for music, song writing or catchy tunes. You support piracy and recreational drug use whether for you or others if they choose so. You're against censorship. You like pink and fluffy things and white furniture because you want to color/design it. You may learn towards erotic text over images, but you most likely do consume hentai and it's derivatives. You may enjoy exhibition. You really like art and may even enjoy playing games. You may believe in spirituality but not religion as you may come from a highly religious area or family. Overall reads shy at first until comfortable. Very kind as in afraid to impose on others because you may not feel like you are allowed to do that. A good, caring friend that enjoys little knick knacks and understand how ppl view things.

Hope you enjoy my random assumptions about you. I thought this was fun and played detective as if you were a book character. Hope you don't mind or feel offended. I will say though at some point it seemed like I was just making up shit but like I guess that's what assumptions are.

Peace out and have an amazing day.

wahhh- okay so this is a lot-

honestly ive had to reread it a few times becuase i thought I was making stuff up as i was reading it but you are reallyREALLY accurate??? >/////<

Thank you again for the ask! <3

[lil-ms-dipst]

Oh boy time for a bit of a rant here.

I grew up relatively religious. My parents are very religious but they never really enforced it on me (something I very much appreciate them for). However I used to frequent church. Children's activities and such. The main things I remember from going to church are um.. a priest telling me to not chew my nails because there's worm eggs under your nails and you'd get worms yourself. Second was I was fixated on The Binding of Isaac (the game, not the story the game gets the name from lol) and infodumped the like game theory video summarizing the lore of the game to a church worker and they were horrified. They told me to never play it again. Um like at least 10 years later here I am playing it.

Anyway I never have had a problem with religion. As long as you don't use it as a justification to hurt others I don't care what you believe in. Have fun go crazy whatever.

Back around 2020 my grandma got diagnosed with ALS. I never knew grandma that personally but watching her go from a fully independent human being into a literal husk of a person who has to use her eyes to type onto a fucking ipad to get it to say out loud what she wants to say really messed me up mentally. In my mind I can't understand a god who would let ALS and other illnesses be a thing. She passed in 2022 btw. I'm fine, mom is still struggling though. I also don't understand a god that would accept racism and allow it to be so rampant and other things. It makes no sense. "Free will" if you want but idk if I see someone being an asshole to someone else I'd like for something to be done about it.

As far as religion concerns me personally, even if there is a God or something out there, I don't think they are worth believing in.

feel free to elaborate if you’re comfy with it

[dio-breaker]

A Meme Inspired Dio to get on their Weird Pulpit

I will never understand how people can just spontaneously talk to strangers without some kind of social prompt. Like, I've never met most of you and even the ones I have I met online through shitposting mostly. Some people just seem to have a sense for how to spot people they'd vibe with and I don't really know how to do that IRL. Like, I enjoy peoplewatching sometimes, but I don't really want them to *see* me, y'know? I don't know this person, I have no reason to interact with them, I just kind of assume our interactions would not be very satisfying for either of us. I feel like as a person I'm kind of an acquired taste. You have to really enjoy my weird infodumps and bizarre dry humor where I laugh at things that are explicitly not meant to be funny or are overly serious. Like, I enjoy learning about history and religion and culture and all of that, but ultimately it kinda scratches the same itch that video game lore does. It sounds made up a lot of the time especially when it comes to religious belief and kinda silly, but also really cool and badass and interesting. I'm kinda laughing at what these people believe, but the thing they believe is fun for me to read about. Like, that's a weird way to look at the world. I know that. I try my best not to be directly disrespectful, I'm not judging them for believing in silly things necessarily, but I do think most religious belief is kinda silly. People find comfort and guidance and community in it and most people are born into their religion, I just don't get how they don't understand that their beliefs are kinda silly. Like, I'm relatively certain that if someone got killed in some kind of Star Wars fandom feud, we would all kinda laugh at that. It would be tragic and sad, but weird that someone cared that much about a debate over whether Darth Vader or Darth Revan was the more powerful force user. Yet if you make it some kinda religious thing, suddenly people take it suuuuper seriously because it sounds really cool and deep and poetic, and sometimes it is, but usually it's just describing things in really obtuse ways because it's a platonic dialogue that was never meant to be taken literally in the first place and has been translated through at least three languages and two paradigm shifts before it reached you. That doesn't make the guidance and comfort you get from it any less meaningful, it's the same kinda comfort and guidance people find in Star Wars, it's why fandom debates get so heated. People care about this stuff, but they inherently know it's silly. It's fictional. There are no stakes in a debate over whether red lightsaber crystals are weaker somehow or if the weird dark horse independent comic series where that was introduced is even canon anymore, like, shit doesn't matter. But people care about it as if it does. They don't generally go on to kill each other over it. Death threats do get thrown around, but rarely does that threat hold any weight, the internet just allows people to get away with that shit and sometimes people are assholes. idk wtf I am saying or if I have a point here, that meme just made me think all this stuff and I had to get it out. Something about meeting new people to vibe with and it being hard because I'm weird.

[holydivers]

talking about my tavs (and durge) because i can...2!

also game spoilers abound

riose. he/him, half-drow, necromancer warlock, acolyte backstory. one level in cleric of eilistraee for roleplaying

riose is a follower of eilistraee and a bleeding heart pacifist, which ties into his necromancy - he sees utilizing the dead, whose souls have since moved on, as a way to preserve the lives of the living by allowing them to replace living fighters in events where combat can't be avoided. he believes strongly in protecting life, no matter how questionable the person is, unless killing is absolutely necessary. which is how he immediately got killed by a mindflayer. and then again by a vampire a few nights later. honestly he's more of an accidental menace to the party than my actual selfish chaotic characters. oops!

his charisma is dogshit, so despite trying so desperately for pacifism he's accidentally caused way more conflict than most of my other tavs. he's really struggling out here. also only being half-drow means he doesn't get the inherent differential treatment characters like xun'e get, which bypasses goblin aggression, but people still give him shit for being half drow

his life fucking sucks

anyway i'm still working on his background - i want to give him a human parent and a drow parent in a way that's potentially actually interesting and not just some stupid or shitty bullshit, and thinking about how he eventually came to the church of eilistraee. i'm having trouble settling on anything, though, especially incorporating the necromancy thing - where does a good character generally even learn necromancy? i don't imagine there are necromantic books just sitting around, so i think a reformed villain parent would be fun...(make it the human parent contrasting to the actually pretty normal drow parent? could be funny)

but anyway everyone except for wyll and karlach hates him. he's off-putting and is trying really hard not to be That Guy but is having a difficult time not bringing up his religion constantly and wanting to pray for people. though it's almost circled around to being sort of endearing and at least he's useful as a ridiculously tall meat shield. with low strength bc he's a wizard

he's romancing wyll. also the church of eilistraee apparently do interpretative dance to their goddess every night so that's gonna be a cute little tie-in. like yes wyll he would LOVE to dance but maybe he's not used to your kind of dancing (he's got some dancing naked in the moonlight hippie shit bc that's how eilistraee is apparently)

on the other end of the spectrum is joy. they/them. some sort of tiefling idr, battle master fighter, haunted one background

so like as a durge they don't have much backstory aside from, y'know, the canon. i have another durge who resists the urge (but he's also pretty boring and has no personality <3 idk i'm not super inspired by durge since the amnesia and canon backstory feels rather restricting. i'll figure it out) but was like ok well i'll make one who indulges the urge and play for as long as i can stand it before being mean in a video game becomes too much for me

the out of universe reason for joy only resisting the urge is that even when doing my best to be mean i don't want to kill any of my companions. the in-universe reason is that they initially just really wanted to see someone turn into a mindflayer bc they thought it sounded cool as hell

though obviously they don't have much of a history of being friends or allies to people, they become rather enamored with having a posse and become very indulgent toward their allies. well, the allies who remained after they slaughtered the grove that is

while they do indulge the urge most times the dialogue options allow me to, they're not necessarily that evil outside of that - if the urge isn't particularly calling for blood they're weirdly capable of being relatively chill, though still an asshole. (they gave the prisoner in the goblin camp and healing potion and let him go. after torturing him a lot first for no reason, of course, but still)

hilariously shadowheart initially HATED them and told them they were only good as a meatshield. eventually she warmed up to them. somehow. lae'zel thinks they're too indulgent and chaotic but minthara thinks they're alright at least

though joy did become besties with astarion, joy was drawn towards gale, who talked a lot of shit when joy killed alfira but then sure was weirdly ok with it when joy thought about kissing him during their moment in the weave (honestly the kissing thought was mostly to avoid projecting the immediately obvious thoughts about dismemberment, and joy is trying not to threaten their friends! honest!)

and he didn't react to torturing that guy. and really didn't seem to mind joy biting another guy's toe straight off. and joy sees that dark streak of ambition and is delighted. and even after the slaughter at the grove, gale stays, and in the shadow-cursed lands he's even made comments about how attractive they look after a battle....they didn't even have to try to manipulate him or anything he's out here happily going down a corruption arc all by himself.

tbh i chickened out and initially decided that they'd resent sceleritas telling them what to do and have them not kill isobel but. well. i think i'm gonna go through and commit and get that slayer form. esp since jaheira kept fucking dying at moonrise no matter how hard i tried to keep her alive. we'll see if i have the willpower to have astarion and shart go down their bad character routes.

(i hate ascension but the dynamic of "exes but still friends" in the supervillain context is really funny. esp considering how dogshit astarion definitely would be at being a vampire lord. sorry no i'm not helping you take over baldur's gate we're not even an item anymore i'm too busy helping my boyfriend defy the gods or w/e he's doing <3 taking over baldur's gate is small potatoes. i'll still come over and we can disembowel ppl together if you want. make an afternoon out of it.)

in the end they'll probably reject bhaal? probably? again i feel like i maybe should just commit to going fully evil route but i kinda like the idea that they do save the city and everyone has to put up with this wretched piece of shit who no one likes being the hero and trying to install their flop boyfriend as the new god of magic or whatever.

joy sucks but i kinda love them it's just hilarious how terrible they are.

[yoonieper]

Pecattiphilia— Part 4 | PJM

Pecattiphilia is the sexual arousal from performing an act one believes is a sin.

✽ Pairing: Jimin x Reader

✽ Genre: Angel Au, angst, fluff, future smut, this is a slow burn (kinda?)! 

✽ Rated: B for New Beginnings 

✽ Series Warnings: This series will include discussion of religious aspects such as the afterlife and concepts of heaven and hell (There are no direct ties to any specific religion besides the mention of angels and demons— all aspects of religion was created by me for this series), this series includes a lot of violence (sometimes graphic depictions) and gore (nothing extreme, Jimin and the boys fight monsters sometimes), and mentions of sin (particularly revolving around sexual topics)

✽ Chapter Specific Warnings: The babies get a bit vulnerable in this chapter, flagellation, violent thoughts, violence (Jimin takes down some bad guys), things get a little gorey, nsfw thoughts wink wonk, things get a little heated ;)

✽ Word Count: 12k

✽ Summary: Jimin is sent to watch over you and as the years go by he gets more and more curious and sometimes just wishes he could get to know you. But he knows that’s forbidden, it's sin. However, a freak accident somehow causes Jimin and your eyes to meet for the first time with purpose. He knows it shouldn’t happen but he doesn’t want to break away. He wants you to look at him, wants you to touch him, wants you to be with him. The problem is none of this should have happened in the first place… what’s happening to him?

✽ Now Playing…: Sin City by Chrishan (slowed), Have Mercy by Chlöe, Blood Sweat and Tears by BTS, Lie by BTS (Jimin) 

✽ Author’s Note: I’m so sorry for the wait guys… I posted about this in my last update, but parts 5 (maybe) and 6 (bigger maybe) I’ll try to get out this year, but next year I’ll be prioritizing series so this should get done sooner than the current pace! Idk if y’all noticed the slow burn, but things are just about to start getting interesting (hint hint part 6 is going to be fun) so please look forward to that~ I hope to post a more concrete schedule at some point so follow if interested 😘

No reposting, modifying. Translating is not allowed unless given explicit permission. Thank you so much :D

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You had to keep telling yourself that this was all just a dream. You knew it was, you had convinced yourself long ago that this was all in your imagination. One day you must have gotten so lonely your mind had managed to conjure up this beautiful angel to satisfy that crave for affection and your wish to be loved. 

That still never stopped you from getting butterflies anytime Jimin would appear whenever you’d close your eyes.

It was pathetic, you knew it, but you never found yourself happier than when you were with him. 

He found his way into your dreams pretty much every night. It was honestly more odd for him not to be there sometime during your slumber. After weeks began to pass, as crazy as it sounds, you really questioned at times if it was really all just a dream. How could this happen? Was it really possible to dream of the same person every single night? 

You certainly didn’t think so and oftentimes questioned your own sanity. You might have actually lost it. 

A quick search on the internet didn’t help your worries. You asked what dreams like this might mean and all that came up was a whole lot of cryptic bullshit about soulmates that you didn’t buy one bit. Honestly you believed the whole angel thing Jimin stuck with a lot more than that. 

After you really never came to a conclusion you just decided to forgo the need for one and just enjoy the delusions while they last.

Each time you would be whisked away into some new fantastical date night with the angel. Sometimes you both would be frolicking in the fields while riding on the backs of unicorns, others you and Jimin would sit underneath the tree you first met and just talk about your day. 

The longer it went on, the more you got used to it, and the more you needed him in your life.

It was a little strange. Despite the constant flirting that was seemingly happening between you two, besides the first time you met, things have remained almost strictly platonic. Jimin was your friend more than anything. Of course with you knowing it was a dream, you tried to take things a step forward but each time Jimin became standoffish. Instead of trying to force anything you kept it platonic as well. 

Maybe Jimin was truly here to just be your friend. 

That would be true but you knew it wasn’t. Jimin had made it clear he liked you and that your outings were dates that he took the time to meticulously plan. Yet still there was a notable distance, physically speaking, that sometimes had you doubting his proclamation. 

Instead of thinking about that too hard either you just enjoyed your time with him. It was just a dream after all, no need to get caught up in messy labels and all that. 

Jimin was just too nice to hang out with for you to care about the specifics of your relationship. 

As long as he was with you, you were fine. 

Just like today, Jimin had surprised you and swept you off your feet to whisk you away to the stars. 

No this wasn’t a metaphor, a hyperbole, or any other rhetorical device, today you actually found yourself clinging onto the angel as he flew you up higher into the atmosphere. 

You watched in amazement as the sky quickly turned from its normal light blue shade, gradually getting darker, before you both were in the vacuum of space. 

It earned a quick reaction as your body instantly panicked about the logistics of it, but Jimin laughed, making you realize once again that this was all just a dream. 

Just a dream. 

Getting a true taste of Jimin’s speed, you managed to fly all the way to Saturn within the span of about 20 minutes. It was strange, the stars seemed to blur around you but you didn’t feel it at all. Things all seemed to be moving in slow motion as you admired the angel, him holding your attention more than the dark cosmos ever did. 

On the way over you would get quick glimpses of the passing planets, he would also point out distant constellations, promising to take you to far away lands one day. 

You couldn’t believe all of this was somehow in your head. 

He landed you both on one of the larger rocks that made up the planet’s rings and magically pulled out a picnic basket. 

Only with Jimin would you ever have a picnic on Saturn’s rings. 

You both talked and laughed as you ate the array of foods, jajangmyeon like you had been craving all day along with the sweetest tasting fruits you‘ve ever eaten. 

The date was sweet and absolutely magical like any time you both would meet, however, unlike most other days you came to visit, something was different. 

It was obvious in the silence that would hang for too long in between conversations, it was in the way your smile was never able to reach where it usually does, it was in the way that staring off into the cosmos tears would prick your eyes. 

For some reason you knew Jimin knew that today just wasn’t your day and that you were pretending, but he never said anything, instead let the conversations fade into nothing and let you cry out silently. 

“Is— is that a comet?” You couldn’t hide the shaking in your voice. 

Jimin hummed lightly. 

You laughed, you were starting to feel the tears start streaming down your face. 

“It’s so pretty, from here it almost looks like any other star.” You were rambling, you knew that. 

For a while both of you didn’t say anything after that, it just became harder and harder to keep your sobs quiet. All of a sudden Jimin sat up and propped his head up with his hand so he could face you. 

His eyes made you flustered and you quickly tried to wipe your eyes, but he grabbed your wrist. You were confused at first but he used his other hand to wipe your cheek gently. 

“There’s no need to pretend.” His voice was soft and instantly had more tears spilling from your eyes. 

His words seemed to be all it took to break your wall of composure. 

“It’s so stupid.” You sobbed and Jimin just continued to wipe away the tears. 

“No it’s not, I promise.” 

“I’m over here weeping like a baby just because shit didn’t go my way today, I should be paying more attention to other things, we’re in space for fucks sake.” You didn’t look good, you knew it. You just couldn’t stop crying, your face was hot, and you could quickly feel your nose starting to run. 

Normally with guys you like you would never show this side of yourself, but things with Jimin just felt different, him being there with you made it so much easier. 

Jimin didn’t say anything again and just let you cry, eventually pulling you into his arms. It was exactly what you wanted. 

“You don’t need to justify anything, it’s fine to just be sad.” Jimin eventually reassured. “Besides, I think she was a bitch too.” He added with a smile. 

At this he finally got you to smile. “Dambi’s so annoying, I try not to let her get to me but…” You chuckled as you wiped your eyes. 

The reason for your sadness was nothing more than a difficult day with a coworker, one who’s known notoriously around the office as just being awful. She’ll ridicule, call you names, and do anything to get under your skin. Most of the time you were able to avoid her, but your boss had you working together today and as soon as you got here with Jimin, for some reason you just couldn’t take it anymore. 

Jimin continued to stare at your face and occasionally brushed away a stray tear. 

“What does it feel like?” He asked absentmindedly. You looked over at him confused and you were shocked to see his eyes meeting your own. 

“What do you mean?” 

“To be sad, to cry. What does it feel like?” His tone was genuine, he looked at you like he was almost amazed. You couldn’t be more confused, he sensed this. 

“I don’t get sad like you do. I feel down sometimes but even after looking over so many people I can never quite understand what it feels like to get to that point where water starts pouring from your eyes and you just…” Jimin turned to face the stars. 

“Let it out, the pain. I don’t feel anything.” His voice was quiet, like he didn’t want you to hear. 

You were waiting for the punchline, the joke, anything to indicate he wasn’t serious, but Jimin’s smile began to fade. 

“I want to cry with you, to feel what you do.” He sighed. 

At this point you knew he was being serious. 

“You can’t cry?” You asked, sitting up.

Jimin shook his head. 

“I don’t get sad like you do. It didn’t really matter in the past, but I feel like I can’t comfort you properly. I don’t know what you’re feeling.” He mentioned. Saying it out loud made it obvious the reason why. 

He was not designed to be put in a situation like this. All he needed to do was watch his humans from afar, he was never supposed to interact with them. 

You laid back down on the blanket, making sure to snuggle into his arms extra tightly. 

“So angels can’t cry? You learn something new everyday.” You tried to joke but looking up at Jimin’s face, you knew it was more than that. 

“It’s not just that… I don’t feel anything like you do.” You looked at him shocked. For some reason your mind went to how your relationship really hasn’t progressed anywhere. Maybe this might be the reason. 

“All I know is what I feel for you, but even that seems so foreign.” Jimin furrowed his brows at the mention of it. It took him a minute to realize that he had said that out loud and what that must have sounded like to you. 

“This probably doesn’t make any sense to you, I’m sorry space does this to me.” He tried to laugh off but you weren’t having it. 

“Talk to me.” You finally said. 

“I’m not really supposed to, besides you don’t even think I’m real.” Jimin had tried his best to convince himself that he was fine with you just thinking he was a dream, but the more time he spent with you the harder it was. He wanted you to think he was just as real as everyone else. 

“Humor me, or at least with what you can tell me. Let’s pretend you were real, that an angel for some reason is visiting me in my dreams every night. What’s going on?” You were truthfully interested. 

Jimin smiled at this and laid back down. “I’m not supposed to be here.” He put it plainly. “I’m risking a lot trying to see you.” Despite his words, he held that faint smile on his face. 

“I’m not designed to feel anything. I take orders, see them through, and protect. I’m not made for anything else. It’s making things complicated on my end, because during my time with you, I’ve never felt like this.” 

You couldn’t stop the way your heart nearly beat out of your chest. 

“But, that’s a problem.” He quickly added. 

“Why?” You tried not to sound worried, for some reason you wanted Jimin to like you, feel that same flutter that you did every time you met in your dreams. 

He looked over at you. “I shouldn’t feel anything for you, yet here we are. Alone together on Saturn’s rings.” He chuckled weakly. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” You pushed even further.

“That I must be broken.” The words seemed to linger in the vacuum, a weird mix of emotions was going through your head and Jimin knew about every single one. 

He knew how off putting you thought it was that refer to himself as broken at the thought of him having feelings for you but he also knew how excited you got at him being open and honest with you.

Did you really feel this way for him? He could feel your heart beating out your chest, he could even feel the butterflies dancing inside you. Within a month’s time he’s managed to make you feel like this about him and it’s miles ahead of what he could ever feel for you. 

He wants more, that even if he doesn’t feel those same emotions as you he could show you what he does feel is in his own way even greater. The fact he even felt anything for you was a miracle. 

This was meant to be a solution, a way to be close to you without the repercussions of interacting with you in the normal plane, yet he’s somehow made everything worse. He wants you even more. 

“Anyway enough about me, you wanted to talk about Dambi?” He tried to escape the questions and answers he knew you were looking for. 

“Jimin we can’t just move on… you’ve been in my head before and I know you know what I’m thinking.” You sighed sitting up. 

Jimin frowned. 

“Y/n I don’t have answers for you, I’m sorry.” He was honest but also was lying. He shouldn’t be telling you any of this anyway. 

“I mean… you literally said you have to be broken because of your feelings for me.” Your voice was shaky again. Jimin felt the pain in every syllable, he hurt you… again. 

Instead of explaining himself he let the silence speak for him. What was there to say? It was true, he was broken. 

“Jimin I don’t know what we’re doing, what this is between us, but… fuck, is it that bad you feel actually broken?” You tried to sound like it didn’t affect you, this was a dream for fucks sake, but it did, his words hurt. 

Jimin didn’t say anything once again. 

His silence made you think about the whole reason your brain contoured up this angel in the first place. You were so lonely and you knew no one wanted you. It’s what your last boyfriend proved to you, it’s what almost everyone in your life has proven to you. 

All you were was just a pretty face and nothing more to people, over the years you’ve just accepted that fact and chose to be by yourself. People will come and go in life, no need to tie yourself down anymore— is what you used to tell yourself but if this month with Jimin has proved anything it is that you really were craving for more. 

Did you really deserve it though? You thought this month together has been amazing, something you looked forward to everytime you would close your eyes, but for such a beautiful angel to think of any feelings that has sprung up as him being broken? Were you really that fucked up? 

Were you really that unwantable? 

“It’s fine, I’m fine. This is all just a fucking dream, none of this matters. I don’t even do relationships anymore so—” You tried to laugh at yourself but you could feel the tears running down your cheeks. Why were you getting so worked up over a figment of your imagination? 

You sighed and laid back down to stare at the planet honestly waiting at this point to wake up. This was all so stupid, you felt so stupid. 

It was then that you felt Jimin shift slightly on your right side, you didn’t really pay too much mind to it, honestly wanting nothing more than to be done with him, but suddenly he was on top of you and staring directly into your eyes. 

“Is this what you want?” His voice was raspy as his hand came up to caress your cheek and he rested his head against yours. You felt your body come alive in a second, the words that have been bouncing around in your mind immediately forgotten. 

“Is this what it’ll take for you to understand how much I want you?” His tone was very direct, he had to make sure you understood. 

You were at a loss for words, too focused on how close his lips were to yours. 

“You have to understand that I wasn’t made for this, I can’t give you everything you want.”

“Jimin…” you sighed, your body lighting ablaze under his touch. 

“Y/n I don’t know what I’m doing I—“ You wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him closer. 

You heard his breathing hick when you couldn’t possibly pull him even closer. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Your lips grazed his cheek. 

“Yes…” you sighed. 

Jimin for some reason couldn’t accept that, instead he pulled back slightly and watched the look in your eyes as you started to remember. All the dates he fucked up that he started anew so you would like him, you even saw the first time he appeared in your dreams, the atrocious sight he let you see from his punishment for his sins. 

He didn’t know how to do this at all. 

“Y/n I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know how to do this at all.” He cried as he started seeing the tears return to your eyes. Jimin had no idea how to love you like he knew you wanted, the way you deserved. 

He couldn’t, it just wasn’t possible. 

“You don’t want this…” He sighed softly, using his hand to wipe away the tears. 

Your attention focused on him but returned to his lips. 

“We’ll figure this out, no one is perfect… we can learn how to do this right together.” You smiled up at him and he felt something inside him snap, a horrible burn on his wrist. 

No one is perfect.

“Jimin I want you… please—“ You could hardly finish before you felt a pair of lips crash onto yours. 

It was hurried, fast, a moment you had been waiting for since you laid eyes on him. His lips were so soft and you didn’t know whether it was the butterflies or was it a kiss from an angel that made your whole body tingle. It was electric, one that quickly had your body on fire. 

You ran your hands over the soft fabric of Jimin’s shirt, your hands eventually making their way into his hair, needing to feel and be as close to him as possible. 

It felt like everything was in slow motion, quick or one that lasted a century, you had no idea because all of a sudden you found yourself jerked awake and welcomed by your dark room once again. 

You ended up laying there for a while trying to process everything. Really, what just happened?

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

Unbeknownst to you was the angel who was sitting beside you on the bed. He was not turned your way, instead a hand was ghosting over his lips, and his eyes were wide as he stared down at the ground in horror. 

His other hand toyed anxiously with the chain that hung around his neck, it serving as a reminder of the sin he’s just committed. 

It was never supposed to go this far, he never wanted it to go this far. 

Jimin had now crossed a line he knew can’t come back from. 

His attention turned behind him to see you a little confused, your face still wet from tears but he could see it on your face and feel the giddiness as you thought about the dream.

You kept replaying the moment again and again in your head, you couldn’t remember everything exactly except the warmth you felt when your lips met. What to you was just a dream was as much a reality for Jimin and he could remember every detail. 

How it felt to have your body so close to his, how beautiful you looked underneath him, how your lips felt against his, and how much, despite how every part of his body burned from the sin, he wanted to do it again. 

That was the very first time, at least in this life, he had ever kissed someone. 

In the past he’d get confused at the strange emotions his humans would feel whenever he’d watch them kiss the person that their heart longed for or that they craved for a night of passion. It seemed like such a strange practice to feel such powerful emotions for. Lips touching lips, in the past he would get disgusted and would need to turn away, but more recently the sentiment would confuse him more than anything. 

Even though Jimin was only empathizing slightly, the powerful emotions of a kiss would be enough to give him butterflies occasionally. 

The last human he watched over, John— he could never forget that moment when he finally kissed his long-time crush, Ana, the girl he had a crush on since high school, who eventually became his wife. Back then that moment was enough to make Jimin blush, a deep dark desire of wanting to be in the moment, Ana had been so pretty under the moonlight that night and the explosion of love John felt in that moment made it hard to look away. 

Jimin couldn’t help imagining himself standing in the place of his human, what it would feel like to hold someone that close and—

Jimin that day had to repent for the first time. Normally he was so clean, an occasional visit back to heaven would be enough to suffice for any minor sins, but that burning he felt just like now was hard to ignore so he did what he needed to. It worked back then but this time…

Jimin couldn’t even explain the symphony of feelings he felt. It was as if the most turbulent piece of music exploded into the fiercest of crescendos, a heavenly melody played in his ears as your lips moved against his. It was like kissing the purest of light in a world that was frozen, barren, and dead. You were so warm, so inviting, he was deprived, so so deprived of that warmth, it physically hurt him to pull away from your embrace. 

What might it have felt like to be even closer? What new colors of emotions would he have experienced if he continued? 

Jimin knew them all, colors that is, and he could see every possible ray imaginable. But with you he felt like he was looking at a masterpiece painted with all new parts of the spectrum that had only been created around you. 

He wanted to see more. He wanted more. 

That very thought made him feel so dirty. What has he become? Someone so easily lured into temptation? Has he really become that weak?

He turned around to you again this time his eyes filled with disgust. How dare you do this to him? 

He got up and started pacing around your room. 

Maybe if you knew what you were messing with you would stop. He could appear right here, right now in your room and set the record straight. He could yell at you for ruining him, he could scream all he wanted, but at the end of the day, as much as he wanted to convince himself that it was all your fault, he knew he was even more guilty. 

It was Jimin that made the decision to visit you in your dreams, it was him that would always come back, it was him who was broken. 

Jimin looked back at you again, you were mindlessly scrolling on your phone. You had thrown off the covers (a result of the dream) to reveal the oversized shirt you had worn to bed. You paid no mind to the fact that it had ridden up to reveal enough skin that made the burned words on his skin set ablaze all over again. 

You tempted him to sin so easily and he hated it. He hated you. He didn’t want to but you were getting in the way of him performing his duties properly and his work meant everything to him. 

No human has managed to make him travel this far down into sin, any burning he would ever feel would be enough to remind him of his place. 

Why did it have to be you, the human he watches over to tempt him so much? You of all the humans? 

It was so clear that there was something going on, a problem he needed to get checked out the minute he started to feel the flutter whenever you happened to meet eyes unknowingly. There was no reason to hate you but his eyes couldn’t tear away from your legs and how much a part of him wished you would shift a little so he could see more, he couldn’t stop the sinister feelings from erupting in retaliation. 

Jimin looked down at the cross around his neck, a symbol of his allegiance, and he knew the best course of action was to just get out of here. He needed to get out of here. 

He flew out your window and zoomed away without a destination in mind, he just needed to be away from you. 

His head was spinning, the farther he got away from your apartment the more his heart was pulling him back to you and he fucking hated it. 

Jimin found himself flying over a forest. His head at this point was starting to hurt so he just decided to stop and breathe. 

Jimin sighed as he felt the soft blades of grass on the soles of his feet. He knew no one was out here for miles so he allowed himself to phase into the normal plane. 

He would never normally do this when he was a guardian, but this just adds to the list of things that Jimin would never do before but for some reason these days doesn’t care about. 

The birds chirped, the sounds of nature were almost deafening but the orchestra of life proved to be comforting in this moment. Jimin just hoped it would finally ground him. 

He took a seat against a tree and tried to close his eyes to enjoy the peace and quiet. 

He tried to focus on his awareness of the animal life around him; the bird that was on the tree next to him, the ant that was crawling through the grass behind him, the deer that had heard him come down and had run away. 

He hoped this would be enough but even then all he imagined was your lips against his while his hand pushed up that oversized shirt you had to wear. What made it worse was that he knew you weren’t wearing anything, how easy it could have been to feel you if he had the chance. 

His mind also couldn’t get over how you said you wanted him, you wanted him despite knowing the fact it was clear he didn’t know how to do this, how he lied to you, and you still don’t even remember the fact he erased whatever incident caused Jimin’s fall into temptation. Maybe if he told you you wouldn’t want him anymore? 

Maybe things would be easier to get over if he knew you didn’t want him the same way. He knew how much you wished he was real, he knew that every time you go out you would search for the ‘mystery man’ who occupied your dreams. Your desire was making it harder to pull away.

But he wasn’t human and he was not meant to give in. His job was to be your protector and that was it. The fact that he was clearly defective was not only putting himself at risk, but more importantly putting you and his whole team at risk. 

What if they found out he was defective? What would they do to them? 

Jimin without thinking tugged off his shirt to reveal the gold letters across his skin blackened out with the sins he’s committed. The sight was appalling and made him sick to even think he could get to a point like this. 

He hurriedly pulled out his handle and turned the dials, emerging from one side was a small whip that separated into nine different ends.

He needed to repent, harder. So much was at risk if he didn’t get it together. 

Jimin got on his knees and clung to the tree in front of him. He didn’t hesitate in bringing the whip down as hard as he could. 

He cried out as his grip on the tree tightened. Jimin once again was reminded he was insane, because in that moment all he could think about was you and how much he wanted to kiss you again. 

Jimin quickly brought the whip down again. 

He had to get past this. 

You should stop lying to yourself.

I’m not.

You’re becoming corrupted. 

No, I’m fine.

Do you want her still?

So, so badly. 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

Jimin had been watching you trying to bake a recipe your sister had sent you earlier that week of the chocolate magic cake she made you the last time you saw each other. 

He had been fawning over how cute you looked trying to make each layer perfect. You had been stuck on the second layer for ages and for some reason Jimin enjoyed seeing how much effort you were putting into this measly dessert. 

You were so cute. 

Jimin had been so distracted that when he was getting the notification he was late to his team’s monthly meeting he was scrambling, trying to reach for his halo and rushing inside. 

He was not surprised to find everyone’s eyes on him as he rounded the corner to their meeting room. Immediately the scorched words on his thigh sent a shearing pain in leg. 

‘Guilt.’ 

To make matters worse, Jimin had never been late to a meeting before. 

The silence that hung in the air was loud and made his skin crawl. Considering what he told them the last time they saw each other, he could tell that’s all they were thinking about to be the reason for his untimeliness. 

What was even worse was that they were right. It had everything to do with his feelings for you. 

Jimin took a cautious seat in his assigned spot, everyone’s eyes following him as he moved. As soon as he sat down the sting on his back served as a reminder that his plan of repentance had been a failed journey so far. Everyday he went back out to that same forest and tried his best to force these urges and desires out of him. 

With how today went it was obvious he needed to work harder. 

Has the burn of sin not been enough yet? 

The only thing it had managed to do was convince him to not visit you for the last few days, but each and every day he missed you dearly and wanted to continue where you last left off. 

Jimin could tell all of them wanted to ask where he was, what could have possibly kept him from their meeting. He could have easily lied and said he got caught up with a demon. He seemed good at doing that these days, but he couldn’t lie to them. 

Instead Jimin wallowed in his guilt as Namjoon finally broke the silence to finally start the meeting. 

“Anyway, I wanted to start off this meeting by saying the higher ups have informed me that we’re to be dispatched on a mission in 2 days time. I thought it would be good to go over the details before going over our reports.” Namjoon got up so he was standing at the head of the table, everyone’s attention now was all on him. 

A hologram appeared in the middle of the table to reveal a building and a face. To any human it wouldn’t look like anything much but for Jimin’s team and any angel really this was an obvious case of a class 2 demon. 

“This is Abigor— a demon that’s recently managed to escape from H.E.L.L.” 

“What? Abigor escaped?!” Hoseok exclaimed. 

“I know, we still don’t know how he managed to make it past the gates with how many people were looking for him, but he did and we only just now have gotten word that others escaped with him.” The hologram changed to footage collected from the outside of their fortress, with more class 2 demons patrolling the area. 

 “Holy— how did that many get out?” Taehyung asked, confused, everyone was. 

“We have no idea, but it seems he’s managed to grow his legion even more since he’s escaped to earth. Some of the demons we’ve observed have been on our missing list for ages.” The hologram pulled up the few profiles they had managed to identify. 

“This isn’t good.” Seokjin sighed. 

“We’re hoping it looks worse than what it is in actuality, but that’s the reason we’re being dispatched so suddenly, to hopefully take care of this problem quickly and quietly.” 

“Of course they send us to fix their fuck up.” Seokjin added, with an exaggerated eye roll. Everyone was a little annoyed this had happened. 

“I feel like there’s been more and more of these cases happening, demons managing to get past the P3 angels patrolling the gates. It doesn’t make sense.” Yoongi pondered. 

It was weird, in all the time they’ve been awakened they’ve never had this many calls for missions. 

“I’ve heard the P3 angels have been complaining to the higher ups. They think something is happening and have been requesting backup.” Namjoon added. 

“Well, whatever is happening hopefully they get it under control soon. I’m tired of dealing with all these calls plus being on guardian duty.” Jungkook sighed, leaning back further in his chair.

“Do you think we can convince the higher ups to give us another break after we all finish?” Seokjin chuckled and the others all joined in. 

“At this point, they have to give us some type of break. We’ve been working overtime…” Jungkook tried massaging his temples, but the fatigue just wasn’t going to go away that easily. 

“C'mon guys, we’re angels, we can’t get tired. Enough about how we feel, our jobs are the priority.” Namjoon tried to pep up spirits but for some reason there was a sudden uneasy shift in the room.

“Anyway I thought I would wait to hear the reports but it’s probably best to just get this over with before we need to start discussing our strategies. We don’t have as long as we like so we’ll probably be here for a while.” 

Silence continued to pass for a while, everyone waiting for someone to say something first. 

“I’ve gotten my zero.” Seokjin was the first to say. 

“Already?” Namjoon chuckled, a little surprised.

“Don’t you guys remember I had the guy in the Lemian war?” 

Everyone awed, it suddenly all made sense. 

“He lasted a lot longer than I was expecting. I’m still a few months out, but I have my date and time.” 

“That’s good— what are your projected numbers?” 

“Better than average, since I knew I likely wouldn’t have much time with him I made sure to be extra careful in keeping him as pure as I could. I can’t say anything conclusive yet but I’m hoping to end with a 3.8~” 

They all ooed at the number.

“Good job.” 

“He’s a good kid, made things a little easier for me. I’m at a 3.6 right now, but I’m confident I can bring that up to .2 before zero hits.” 

Jimin had managed to maintain you at a 3.9… the highest was 4. It used to be higher but because of the day Jimin randomly fell into your apartment, leaving you unprotected for 12 hours, his 3.96 went down. Stats like that without a zero were unheard of. 

“Great, please make sure to make your final reports to the higher ups a little more detailed. You know how they get when our numbers get too high.” Seokjin nodded at Namjoon’s words, understanding the procedure. 

“What about everyone else? What are your current numbers?” 

The boys started to go through normal report procedures, going through a general telling of the last month plus their current numbers and projects and ambitions for the next month. Jimin usually enjoyed hearing what his team’s been up to since they parted ways, but at the mention of their humans his mind was suddenly back to you once again and the guilt of his sins. 

How could he face them right now? 

He felt like such a failure. His team had an image to upkeep, if anyone were to find out that Jimin— the same Jimin who would roll his eyes at the shear mention of a P2 angel fooling around with a human— had gone on to break so many rules to kiss the human he was assigned to protect… 

And with all he wanted still despite everything was to see you and kiss you again. He wanted it so bad, he wanted to show you how excited he was to finally call you his. What if you thought he didn’t want you anymore? 

The thought alone was laughable, if only you knew how much work he tried to get you out his head only for you to be back within seconds—

“Jimin?” 

At the mention of his name he finally looked up to see everyone staring at him. 

“What’s wrong with your face…? It’s like… all red right now.” Taehyung asked what everyone was thinking. 

“Are you ok? You’ve been acting strange since you got here.” Yoongi glared at him suspiciously. 

“I swear Jimin if this has something to do with Y/n…” Namjoon groaned, already sensing where this was about to go. 

Tell them.

Jimin looked up to see their concerned faces staring at him, waiting for him to say something and if the guilt was bad before, under their gaze he couldn’t possibly have felt any worse. It was the closest he ever felt to bursting into tears. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Jimin what the fuck have you done.” Namjoon groaned, already sensing he was going to hate what Jimin was about to say.

See. 

And so he told them everything. He told them about the night that started this whole ordeal, how he suddenly transferred to the normal plane right in the middle of your living room. He told them about the weird effect it had on him and that’s why he had to bless you. He told them how even after the beatings from the higher ups wasn’t enough to sway him and he had been meeting you in your dreams. He even told them about the kiss you shared the last time you saw each other. 

Jimin would always picture their faces before he would go into your dreams, how they would react if they knew what he was doing. 

Nothing could have prepared him for the reality.

It was silent for a while after he finished, but their faces said more than any words ever could. 

They’re disappointed in you. 

They should be. 

The silence was broken by Namjoon slamming his hand on the table, noticeably startling everyone.

“Jimin, what the fuck did we talk about?!” He was furious, that same disappointed tone Jimin knew he was waiting for him. 

Maybe this is exactly what he needed, the people he cared about the most to look at him as crazy as he felt at times. 

This is what he needed but it still hurt so much knowing his worst fear was becoming a reality. 

“Jimin I know what we talked about last time, I only let it slide because I thought this wouldn’t interfere with your job, that this was a problem you could deal with!” Namjoon exclaimed, baffled he was hearing this from him. This wasn’t the same Jimin who he’s known for eons.

Namjoon looked around at everyone in the room, before running his hands through his hair. 

“Jimin, I’m trying to figure out why you didn’t report this to anyone beforehand.” Namjoon tried to calm down. 

What was his excuse, did he have one?

Jimin continued to stare down into his lap, unable to meet the eyes of anyone in his team. 

“At first I was scared they would separate me from her and I thought I had things under control enough to make it to her zero…” Everyone in the room just sighed, the excuse not enough to beat all the protocols that have been seared into their minds. There was a system, an order, and to forgo everything that they learned just for some human…?

“It was only recently when things got out of control. When she looked at me…” Jimin couldn’t help but smile when he remembered opening his eyes up to see you worriedly staring down at him. Despite how awful he felt, you, having you there was worth any pain he felt. 

“That moment right there, everything changed. I never wanted to go back, I didn’t want to be invisible to her anymore. I want her to know me, I want to know her–”

“Jimin, you know that’s not possible. You’re an angel! You’re not even meant to be having these feelings. She’ll grow old and die, you won’t! How would that ever work–” 

Jimin suddenly slammed his hand on the table. Everyone’s attention returned to him and they all could see the scary look in his eyes. It was frightening, something they had never seen before in someone that was normally so sweet.

It was horrifying. 

“Please do not talk about her like that.” Jimin said calmly, yet the dark look in his eyes made everyone in the room glance around at each other worriedly. 

This wasn’t good.

“She wasn’t my only reason.” Jimin continued, finally meeting the eyes of his team. 

“Something is clearly wrong with me, I was– am worried. What if they find out they can’t fix me…” 

It was dangerous, a defective angel especially when it comes to them interacting in the normal plane is something no one in any division wants. 

It is a procedure to deal with the issue as quickly as possible– if it’s determined you can’t be fixed, you’re “fired,” which everyone knows is just another term for forced retirement. To make matters worse, a team’s fate is largely determined by the well-being of every member. 

The process of picking team members is very delicate, if that balance is off put by the removal of one member the success of a team is reduced by an astronomical amount. Unfortunately in most cases a team that has lost a member due to a battle lost or being “fired” the whole team meets their demise soon after.

“I can’t let whatever is wrong with me put you guys in danger.” Jimin was being earnest. He couldn’t stand knowing that it was because of him his whole team ended up meeting horrible fates.

Jimin would be a little more optimistic about seeing someone about his issues, but he strongly believed at this point they would think his sins are too great and consider him unredeemable. 

There was something inside him telling him there wasn’t some magical way to fix whatever is happening, and if they find out he’s so defective he somehow managed to fall to the normal plane unwillingly, they probably wouldn’t even give him a discharge ceremony to hurriedly make sure he didn’t cause anymore issues. 

“I understand Jimin, but what about those we swore to protect. If there is something wrong with you and something ends up happening….” Joon tried to reason. 

“All I ask is for your understanding until I take Y/n to get judged. I promise, the minute after I will see if there might be a problem.” Jimin was begging at this point. As much as he worried about his brothers’ fate, the thought of being reassigned and not getting the chance to ensure you were ok was too awful.

“And what if something happens in between then?! It might be different if you had your date but that could be decades.” Joon was getting angry again. 

As the argument continued Yoongi noticed the blackened out letters on Jimin’s wrist. 

“What if you end up becoming corrupted?” Yoongi suddenly said, interrupting the heated debate.

Jimin suddenly looked scared. 

Yoongi pointed to his wrist. 

Fueled by anger, Namjoon walked around the table and hastily pulled up Jimin’s sleeve. Everyone around the table gasped seeing the letters blackened out. 

“Take off your shirt.” Joon took a step back. 

Jimin didn’t even argue as he pulled the shirt over his head. 

If all the bruises that painted his skin weren’t alarming, the words that were normally barely visible looked more like tattoos than what they truly were meant to be, reminders. They were meant to be reminders to keep him in line, to ensure that he didn’t stray far off the path, something since he had awakened had presented as a problem.

Jimin had been told by Celine and Atara that he was more susceptible to becoming corrupted for some strange reason. Despite their warnings, Jimin had remained one of the most untainted P2 angels of the sector, that was, well till he started watching over you. 

“Jimin, you need to understand, we’re just worried about you. This does not look good at all.” Yoongi sighed, seeing that all the words he had on his chest were just as black as the one on his wrist.

“Please… just until I can take her to get judged.” Jimin looked around at everyone and he was faced with their concerned stares.

Joon took a seat at the head of the table, thinking and running through what would be the best way to proceed with this. 

“Yoongi do you have any idea what could be causing the symptoms Jimin described.” Joon sighed, leaning back in his chair, one that stood apart from the others. It was bigger, grander, and posed more authority.

Yoongi was one of the few P2 angels who took the time to become a trained medic. Celine and Atara had noticed he might possess the rare skill, usually only reserved for P1 angels. Yoongi had stayed behind one of their few breaks and learned and mastered the skills needed to care for his team. 

If anyone might have any idea what this could be, it would be him. 

“Forcefully dropping to the normal plane? Feelings for humans? None of these are symptoms of anything I can identify. Maybe a P1 angel might have a better idea, but without the proper resources I can’t help you.” Yoongi said, analyzing how upset Jimin seemed.

Namjoon sighed again. 

Procedure, what he should do is stick to the procedure and get his friend the help he clearly needed, but, but Jimin was right. There was no telling what might be causing these mysterious symptoms, what if he ends up putting his whole team at risk.

Namjoon’s job as the leader was to look after the wellbeing of each and every one of his team members. Knowing that all the help Jimin might receive could be forced retirement as well as the entire team’s downfall made him doubt his immediate reaction. 

“Does anyone have any opinion about what we should do?” Joon asked, opening up the floor to anyone. 

The room was silent for a while. 

“I trust what you think is best. There’s risks no matter what we choose to do.” Jungkook mentioned and everyone just nodded. There really wasn’t a right answer here. 

Namjoon sat back in his chair and stared up at the white ceiling, trying his best to organize his thoughts. 

“Jimin, I won't report this.” Namjoon could hardly believe his own words. Maybe there was something wrong with him as well. 

“I’m hoping, I’m hoping whatever might be causing this is something that might go away after you take Y/n to get judged. The minute, and I’m serious Jimin, the minute anything out of line begins happening– I’m sure everyone at this table will understand that it would be better to get you the help you need.” Joon laid out. 

As much as he knew, he knew that he should just follow the protocols— the minute one of his team members or himself start acting strange he was immediately meant to take them to get evaluated. It was as simple as that, yet he couldn’t bring himself to possibly risk his teammate in order to figure out what the issue might be. 

Jimin visibly looked relieved. 

“Thank you so much.” Jimin looked Namjoon right in the eye, knowing he was going out of his way for him. 

“No– Jimin on the condition of letting this go unreported, you’re ordered not to continue seeing Y/n in her dreams unless it’s an order from the higher ups. This is the only time I’m letting this go and to me it seems she’s the reason for your fall from grace. If you want to continue to be her guardian then these are the terms you must agree to.” Namjoon spoke seriously. 

“Wait what–”

“It’s either that or we’re going to MP1s immediately.” Namjoon laid out. It was more than a compromise Jimin deeserved at this point, but Namjoon was too nice sometimes.

Everyone around the table nodded in agreement, seeing that also as more than fair. 

Jimin wanted to protest but all he did was slump in his chair, mumbling a quiet ok. 

Namjoon nodded, still clearly stressed, but relieved they seemed to be on the same page. But they weren’t, Jimin was experiencing more emotions he had never felt before. 

Rage, he was seething to himself as the leader tried to direct the meeting into going over the plan for their upcoming assignment. 

Jimin could hardly pay attention, he was so furious. 

Anger was a very human emotion, one that always seemed so foreign to Jimin and really any angel. Anything that seemed like anger was normally an extremely dulled down version of what humans experience (much like any resemblance of emotions they feel). 

It would take an astronomical event to make a being of his nature as upset as humans would get at the tiniest of issues and yet the thought of his leader banning him from seeing you was all it took for suddenly this new fiery shade of the emotion to manifest. 

A word right on his chest burned with an intensity that Jimin struggled to keep it together during the meeting. 

Fury. 

It was horrible, the leader he respected so much being the target of such a nasty emotion. Jimin could hardly believe the images his mind conjured up in retaliation. 

His handle was in his pocket, how easily he could have charged at the leader, quickly turning the dials on his handle to form a knife to demand the leader to take it back. Even worse, he imagined using it as well, hoping to make the leader pay for even suggesting never seeing you again. 

Rage or any type of anger should never be experienced by someone who, in the name of such emotion, could destroy worlds or even the universe entirely. 

The fact this emotion even managed to manifest in his mind made Jimin seriously consider following through with Namjoon’s order. Maybe he was right, everything in his life did get worse the minute he started getting close to you. 

He should heed his leader’s warning. 

Somehow he managed to make it through the meeting, but he needed to make a promise with himself in order to study the details once again. He hardly was able to pay attention. 

Instead of going back through the way inside their home base of operations, they decided to walk through H.E.A.V.E.N. hoping the walk to the gateway would be enough to settle the tension that still lingered after the discussion earlier. 

On the way, Yoongi said he needed to stop by the MedBay, so the rest of the boys waited in the common area for him to come back. 

“Do you guys remember when we looked like that?” Namjoon asked as he looked over to the team of five practicing drills. It was a redundant question considering they all can remember everything that took place in their lives since the moment they awakened, but Namjoon’s question did make everyone in the group smile seeing the boys in front of them. 

They all knew them, deemed TXT on the leaderboards, the team of five were a group who awakened some time after their group did. They were a group who were often compared to their own in the means of potential. They were still relatively young, but despite that their stats were remarkable compared to those who awakened around a similar timeframe. 

Despite this new emotion still bouncing around in his head, the sight even made Jimin smile as he recounted his group doing the same when they were still up and coming. 

The more he looked though, the more he noticed something strange. 

As the group went through their drills, he noticed they were following the standard order of procedures exactly as Celine and Atara had instructed when they were still being trained. 

They seemed almost robotic as they wrapped up their drills. The other members trailed behind their leader, in a perfect straight line like they had been advised. It was strange seeing the methodical way that they put away their equipment, they followed every procedure they were advised. 

The members all saluted to their leader, perfect posture, heel toe, heel toe— they were perfect as they walked away from the training area. 

Those unfamiliar with their sector might just figure for the young team to be possibly trying to show off for their higher ups, but one glance around their sector and everyone acted that way. 

Everyone that walked past them followed their leader, mirroring their actions perfectly, anyone flying above them flew just like the leader guiding them through the halls.

Back when they were still training Celine and Atara always told them after Namjoon was assigned the role of guiding their team that the leader was the soul of their team. 

Their team used to be just like everyone else. A few eons ago Jimin would have never been able to escape Namjoon sending him to the MP1s, a few eons ago he never would have asked in the first place. 

So much has changed, it became more obvious the more he looked at how perfect everyone around him seemed. 

Soulless, just drones carrying out orders, that’s what they were meant to be. 

It was only recently that his team stopped following those procedures, they just seemed unnecessary. It was only recently that Namjoon stopped ordering the authority team leaders usually possess. 

It was strange. Jimin could remember everything yet the moment his team disregarded the procedures wasn’t coming to him. It almost seemed like they were always like this, people who would easily joke and saw each other as equal parts of the team. 

All faces that passed by remained expressionless, no smile, as they focused on making sure to follow their leader. 

Even those that talked as they went by had nothing else to discuss other than their duties. What else was there to talk about really? 

It seemed like just yesterday Jimin was probably the most pretentious angel around despite him not being a leader or a P2 angel, it was that fall from grace that made this whole situation seem so strange. 

Has their team really changed that much? Has he really changed that much? 

As much as he couldn’t remember being like this anymore, he knew his team followed these exact procedures up until recently but he couldn’t take off the rose colored glasses that told him otherwise. 

Nothing was wrong, they were fine, everyone was fine. 

Jimin looked over to his teammates and smiled. 

Completely, 100 percent fine. 

The procedures weren’t required anyway, they were just standard proceedings.

Yoongi came back soon after and they started flying over to the Drop room. 

On the way he paid attention to everyone going by, none of them weren’t following the proceedings. Were they really that strange? 

The concern started to become a little overwhelming, luckily they finally made it before it got too bad. 

The room was like all the others, immensely white with gold detailing along the walls and vines streaming everywhere. What made it the Drop room was because it had a giant hole in the floor with thousands of angels going in every second. 

“I trust you’ll listen to orders.” Namjoon said to Jimin as the group stared down at the warped view of Earth down below. 

Jimin wanted to tell him to fuck off— a thought he would have never pictured being being directed toward his leader— but instead Jimin simply nodded, hoping that would be enough to stop himself from spilling out an unruly amount of profanities… or doing something worse. 

“HB meeting at U##7:33– we’ll go over the details of the assignment once more and depart at U##23:33.” Everyone nodded at the leader's words. This is standard proceedings. 

And with that, they flew down through the portal after a very awkward goodbye. 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

After Jimin arrived back by your side, this strange new emotion was not simmering in the way he hoped it would the minute he could get some space. If anything, seeing you cutely munching on that magic cake you finally managed to get right was just more fuel to the growing fire. 

The minute he detected strange activity in the plane and he was faced with a gross giant sin in front of him. He decided that this would be the way he was going to express himself. 

Purging sin would be a perfect form of catharsis. 

Jimin couldn’t stop the sinister grin on his face as the tall, lanky, abomination with arms that dragged behind began charging at him. 

The creature was mountains in height above him in this form, but Jimin loved the challenge. 

It was just more to play with. 

Jimin reached in his pocket and grabbed the handle, quickly turning the dials to have his angelic energy manipulated to form a sword. A classic choice, but he wanted to feel every slash he makes. A sword was perfect.

As Jimin quickly flew in to attack the creature Jimin couldn’t stop his mind from picturing the leader earlier and his orders to never meet you again. 

He hated to admit that he knew Namjoon was just looking out for him and the team, but didn’t he hear the story Jimin told him? How he explained the moment you looked into his eyes, how much that changed him. The plethora of emotions, wishes, and desires he’s never experienced before all because you actually came into his life.

And he was only meeting you in your dreams? Was that really so wrong? 

As much as Jimin wanted to believe what he was saying, what really was the true ignition of this flame was the fact Namjoon was right, painfully so.

Jimin’s changed so much in the short time since he fell into the middle of your living room. The scorched letters on his skin was enough proof of that. 

He wanted to be right though, he wanted to continue meeting you with no consequences. 

But that voice of his leader advising him on the right path just made him see red and it was all he thought above as he slashed the creature's legs, bringing it down with a horrifying shriek.

Jimin was easily able to immobilize the creature, and much like a tree in the forest, Jimin watched as its top half came crashing down from colossal heights onto the floor of the infinite white void. 

Jimin made quick work of going for its arms, dodging any attempts at knocking him to the ground. Its ginormous hands were first, but that was not enough for him, he speedily flew around the creatures, slashing and cutting until its lengthy arms were reduced to just numbs. 

Eventually Jimin flew so he was standing on the tiny torso of the creature. By now, black ooze had painted the white void and continued to pour out of its small appendages flailing around. Jimin was covered in it as well.

Some might be horrified at the sight, but each cut was exactly the remedy he needed in order to quell his anger toward his leader. 

Namjoon and the rest of the team were the closest people he had in his life and ever will, it was probably the closest he will ever get to experiencing love. 

It was nice knowing they cared and they were being more than generous in not taking him to the MP1s, he should be grateful. 

Jimin flew up high before quickly soaring back down and piecing his blade through its horrid flesh. Jimin attacked it from the inside, not at all caring about the ooze and marveled at the horrible way it screamed for him and how his blade incinerated everything around him. 

It was glorious. 

When Jimin was done, the creature was hardly alive, only deepened sighs and ragged breaths filled the void. He easily could have finished him off that way, but he was feeling a little extra today. 

Jimin got right in front of the creature's face and stared down at it with malice and disgust. 

Pathetic. 

Pathetic.

Its head was way too tiny for its long body, it was always so strange to see that this was the manifestation of temptation. 

Not in the mood to drag this out any longer, Jimin used his blade and with one swift, clean, cut across its neck the horrible noises finally stopped. 

A clean beheading. 

Jimin hurriedly stabbed his blade through the tiny head and that was enough for the creature– or rather, what remained of the creature– to disintegrate into ash, the purest form of what a creature like that could become. 

He knew he was right in this helping him. He felt better already seeing the black covered ooze painting the void, knowing this nasty emotion was able to aid him in purging this evil from ever touching you. 

Jimin smiled. 

Pathetic.

I know. 

That was not enough to stop you?

I’m sorry.

You’re not. 

But–

Nothing good will come from this.

I love her.

You don’t know what love is. 

…

I want her. 

Want is not enough. 

…

You disappoint me continuously. 

Jimin shook the voice out of his head, choosing to ignore his other half. He had to stay a little longer and make sure not other creatures would show up. He wanted to hurry and get back to you.

He wanted to be selfish.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

You were a little shocked later that night after crashing from eating all that cake earlier, to find yourself back in the beautiful meadow that you’ve found yourself in countless amounts of time this month. 

Immediately after realizing you were finally having that dream again you quickly looked around to see if you could find him. 

Jimin, where was he? 

Like he’s proven too many times, it seems as if he heard your thoughts and suddenly you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and you couldn’t stop yourself from immediately jumping into his arms. 

He caught you, he always does. 

You couldn’t stop yourself from bursting into tears the minute his hand came up to lightly stroke your hair, soothing you instantly at how hard it’s been not seeing him. 

It was so dumb, you had spent the last few days sulking over a man in your dreams suddenly disappearing after a particularly strange last meeting. 

He had been the reason for your sudden decision on baking that cake, hoping your sister’s recipe would be enough to soothe the ache your heart felt over an imaginary man. It was stupid, incredibly dumb, but having him here now made you realize how real your feelings for him were. 

This was horrible.

“Jimin…” You sobbed into his light blue sweater, your grip a little too tight, worried you might lose him again at any moment.   

“Did you really miss me that much?” He chuckled, but you noticed his strong grip on your waist.

You finally pulled away and looked up at your angel, and an angel indeed he was. He looked absolutely heavenly, his hair now a shade of blue matching his sweater, and his eyes now a dark blue akin to the waves of the ocean.

For some reason you could tell he seemed different. 

“Where did you go?!” You exclaimed. 

You had spent the last few days worrying that after the events of your last meeting was enough to drive him away entirely.

You worried if you might have been too bold, might have pushed him too much despite his concerns he voiced to you. 

You couldn’t be happier to see him standing in front of him once again. 

“I had a lot on my mind, but I’m here and I won’t leave you again.” The words made him smile but also guilt plagued his mind and body, the word on his thigh burning but he never faltered. 

You looked him over and that’s when you noticed he was wearing gray sweatpants and lacked his luxury brand shoes now. 

“Did you have a midlife crisis while you were gone?” You questioned and the accusation made Jimin think back to your first date (attempt). 

Jimin sighed. 

You can’t do this.

Shut up.

Jimin laughed lightly at your joke. “To be honest, I think this time I did.” 

You were just joking, but the admission made you switch to actually being concerned. “Was it because of our last date?” You asked, worried you might have actually messed with your angel.

“A little.” He was honest. “But I just needed to figure out some things personally. Our date made me realize we were at a crossroad.” 

“Crossroad?” 

“I had been trying my best to avoid it over our time seeing each other, I know you noticed it as well, but seeing you think I don’t care about you couldn’t be the furthest from the truth and I had to do something.” 

Your face warmed as you thought about it, his lips on yours and you noticed the way he smiled, getting a little shy at how vivid the picture was. 

“Yes, that exactly…” 

“Why did you want to avoid this?” You asked finally, curious where this was going. 

“I already told you, I’m not really built for this type of situation. To be honest ever since we met I’ve been a little confused on how to handle all these new emotions you’ve allowed me to experience. I tried to dance around facing them until I could decide where I wanted this relationship to go.” 

“Which is?” You couldn’t help trying to pry the information out of him. What did he decide?

“Either we never see each other again… or…” His gaze finally focused on your eyes and you thought you would end up feeling lost in those blue eyes.

Jimin wanted to tell you, tell you everything that has gone into making this decision. He’s going against everyone, all his higher ups, his team, H.E.A.V.E.N. itself just to see you and be with you, but as you looked up at him, for the first time in his life things just stood still. You were here in front of him and that’s truly all that matters. 

His fate was sealed, the decision was made. 

Instead of going on and on like he had prepared tonight about everything that has gone into making this decision, instead he just pulled you close and kissed you like he had been wanting to since you parted ways.

Your lips were so soft and he enjoyed feeling the peculiar way your heart sped up the minute you realized what he was doing. Everything about you was so sweet and soft and made the most complicated emotions do a dance inside him.

He loved this. 

Disgusting.

He loved it even more. 

Jimin never wanted to pull away, but eventually you did and his heart fluttered seeing how flustered you were.

“Well, what does that mean Jimin?” You asked breathlessly. 

“It means…” He leaned in close. “You’re mine.” 

Despite his attempt at trying to make you flustered, his words suddenly had images popping up in your mind about Jimin fucking you against the tree you both always sat under. 

The word on his wrist burned, the ache doing its best to remind him of his place. 

She wants you to touch her. What are you going to do about that?

It was like his other half was mocking him at the predicament. As much as he’s sacrificed continuing to be with you, that was still a boundary he would never be willing to cross. 

Is she going to like that?

At this moment he wanted to smash his head in with a rock. He didn’t want to think about that right now and he didn’t want to tell you either, at least not yet. What if you don’t want this anymore? 

You cleared your throat, trying to stop your wandering mind. It was enough to bring Jimin back from his own troubling thoughts. 

“Oh yeah, this wasn’t the only reason I met with you.” Jimin finally said. 

“Really?”

Jimin nodded.

“I wanted to tell you I will be leaving for a few days.” Jimin felt the way your heart sank at his words and he couldn’t help but laugh. You were so cute.

“You just said you won’t leave me alone anymore…” You pouted and Jimin hastily pulled you in a hug because how could one person be so cute.

“I have work to do…” He sighed, hating to separate so soon after such a big turning point for your relationship. 

“Is my angel looking over others?” You asked curiously and you didn’t notice the way Jimin got red at the nickname. 

It was what he was, it was like someone feeling all mushy over being called human. It was just in the way you said it, always with a possessive ‘my’ because he truly was yours.

“Nope, I’m yours and yours only. I have bad guys to take down.” He decided to tell you the truth, hoping that might interest you and immediately he could tell it did. 

“Really?” You asked shocked like everyone did when they found out. 

Jimin nodded.

“You’re gonna be ok, right?” That was a new one, usually most would rave in disbelief that such a soft soul could hurt anyone. 

Maybe if most knew Jimin didn’t really have one anymore, or if they saw the way he could mutilate creatures like the one he did just before seeing you they wouldn’t be so surprised.

“I will.” He smiled at you.

“Promise…” Your voice was soft and he could tell you were a little embarrassed at your own words. 

No one has ever worried for him. This was really new. 

“I promise I’ll see you again on Sunday~” And his nonexistent heart couldn’t feel fuller. 

“Sunday?” You giggled, finding the day all too fitting. 

“I know it seems cliche, but I promise it’s just a coincidence.” He laughed along with you.

“Well then… If you really need to leave for a few days, can I have something to remember you bye?” You asked, but he didn’t even need to be able to read your thoughts in order to know what you were implying. 

“Maybe that can be arranged…” He smiled before pulling you close once more.

He was really going to miss you.    

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[elf-osamu]

it's time to analyze (in my case, it's actually more like pointing out stuff) the bsd vol 22 cover 💪 (this is for fun and because i like analysing things, i could be wrong) (idk if someone has already done this)

1. the all-seeing eye (of god): also known as “the eye of providence”, it's a symbol who represents the divine providence, meaning that the eye of god watches over humanity. imo this refers to fyodor's religion, orthodox christianity (i say orthodox because fyodor is russian and in russia the main religion is orthodox christianity).

2. camellia/tsubaki: the red camellia symbolized a noble death amongst warriors and samurai, but generally it means love.

3. the ram skull with red camellias: the skull alone represents life and death; the red camellia, as said before, mainly represents love. these two symbols together could represent “the struggle between the beautiful and ugly in times of evil versus good” (fyodor being the “evil” and osamu the “good”) - “the ram skull symbolism is deep and, although it is an ancient symbol, nowadays, it was linked to occult sciences and devil-worshipping. however, if you choose this model, consider the original ram skull meaning: perseverance and leadership”.

4. ^ the red camellias are on osamu dazai's side...

5. osamu is holding a card where atsushi is pictured, as if he (osamu) is using “his last card”, his ace in the hole, to reverse the game.

6. fyodor is holding a card too, however it isn't clear who or what is on it.

7. ^ about cards: “cards can also represent luck, either good or bad: "the hand that fate dealt me"”. “the four suits in playing cards, clubs, diamonds, hearts, and spades, collectively represent the four elements (wind, fire, water, and earth), the seasons, and cardinal directions. they represent the struggle of opposing forces for victory in life”. i think this could be possibly related to the ‘game’ that osamu and fyodor are playing at nikolai's behest (i'll not go into detail because i don't wanna spoiler the manga for those who haven't read it yet).

8. all of this is ‘contained’ in a mirror: “mirrors reflect light which allows them to reflect the world around them. in spiritual concepts, light is a powerful symbol of wisdom and awareness. as a consequence, mirrors are symbols and carriers of truth and reflect what our truth is”. “spiritually, a mirror symbolizes spiritual reflection. the spiritual mirror reflects the consequences of both positive and negative actions. it is said to reflect the life that a person creates. ancient romans believed that mirrors have special powers and can catch a part of a person's soul”. in bsd, fyodor and osamu are often viewed as a reflection of each other.

9. nikolai observes them (fyodor and osamu) because of what happened in the last chapters of the bsd manga.

10. idk maybe there is something else but rn i have to go also sorry for my grammar i'll edit this when i can

[suite43]

So, starscream's Prophecy... got any thoughts on it?

OOOH okay this ones fun!

so i do have a few thoughts on this and theyre kind of disjointed so to help me think im gonna jenny nicholson this bitch and use a delightful numbered list.

the narrative explanation - so basically in-universe the dark cybertron prophecy is, eventually, revealed to be complete bullshit. shockwave made it up in a paradox-induced scheme and it was all, from the titan's announcement to the "you're the devil reincarnated", designed artificially to get starscream to do what shockwave wanted. this is boring!

why is it boring - mostly because it would have much more interesting implications if the "true meaning" for the prophecies was left more ambiguous. There's something really interesting about the sort of contradictory nature of the prophecies, because over the course of phase 2 Starscream is formally delivered 3 different declarations, and all of them both compound on and contradict each other. Starscream is the chosen one to raise Cybertron from darkness, Starscream is the harbinger of Cybertron's doom, and Starscream is the literal reincarnate of like, the actual devil. And every single time, she just kind of rolls with it, as do most other people. She says she doesn't buy it, but a lot of her behaviour and dialogue suggest otherwise, and by the time the third one comes around shes just kind of done pretending and basically is just like "yeah sure, sounds right". And i think that adds an interesting element to her character, especially with where we left her late phase 1, clinging to the matrix and the lie that it chose him. I think starscream has this particular sense of desperation mixed with insecurity mixed with delusion that makes him sort of need to feel important, and whether that means being the worst of the worst or being everybodies hero, she just kind of describes it as knowing he's cosmically important, and i think that can make a lot of the inconsistencies in his character sort of smooth out and create a more complete kind of person. 2.5 some things can just be magic - i also just think the need for everything to have an explanation or be tied up really is a weakness in barber's half of phase 2, its just really not compelling to be like these cool mystical elements and ancient prophecies actually didnt mean anything. it also imo just kind of stinks of edgy atheist ideology where all religion is bullshit - and while that works for the exrid parts focused on Optimus, Pyra, and others and the discussion of corruption in religious icons and what it means to have faith and where the line between religion and politics blurs, it kind of falls flat when you look at starscreams half, which focuses much more on introspective character growth and faith in other people and also has a main character who is a ghost soulbound to some other guy so like, why cant we just have scoop genuinely be into some weird religion that's just a weird religion? idk the shockwave paradox in general was rlly boring to me and robbed the story of any compelling or mystical elements it had.

religion continued - i think if starscream's prophecies had been allowed to just be weird ambiguous stuff that may or may not have been signs from god it couldve created a lot of interesting parallels both with optimus and with windblade, who's relationships to religious concepts were both central tenants of their phase 2 roles. especially consdiering starscrseam in phase 1 and her brief tenure as a matrix-bearer and the way she sort of clung to it as a sign that she was important, even if he said he didnt believe in it (the same way optimus does in phase 2), but starscream's parallels to them in this regard just kind of feel half-formed and not really explored in the way they couldve been. like, the ingredients are all there but its just not finished. its like one of those meal prep subscription box things, yknow?

the starbee one - ive talked at length before about how i think the ideas of starscream and bumblebees relationship to the concept of a saviour, a hero, and a sacrifice are really interesting to me - the contension of bee as a saviour-type who offers 2nd chances to badguys and kickstarts redemption arcs (in a weird sort of jesus parallel that was honestly way more apparent in bee than it was in optimus) whereas starscream is viewed both in-universe and on a metanarrative level as a corrupting force - his entire relationship to windblade for the first chunk of their interactions was him trying to pull her to his level, and as a figure in the prophecies starscream is usually viewed as a bad omen, antichrist or devil figure. i think these are all so interesting as concepts but in execution theyre kinda half-formed and again, spoiled by the shockwave paradox 4.5 - BUT that said the ending of unicron did a really fun twist with starscream in that regard and i liked watching her, on her own, decide that it was time to step away from the roles pushed on her and the lies he'd told to others & herself and actually be a hero, and sort of reclaim the "chosen one" thing and actually end up paralleling both bumblebee and opitmus in the noble sacrifice category - and i liked that we left with starscream in a neutral state, not widely loved but no longer deplored as he was around the start of the wb/taao series', and the whole ghost thing as a "rebirth" of sorts kind of ties in with that in an interesting way

tldr - i think it couldve been way better if it was left more ambigious, and i also tihnk it smells a lot of edgy ex-christian atheist worldbuilding while also being really really heavy handed in some of the xtianity parallels, but i like what they do for star as a person specifically in her reactions to and treatment of the prophecies.

[british-bombs]

( TO BEAT THE DEVIL ) An introduction.

FORMAT: teleplay / novel

GENRE: horror, coming of age

LOGLINE: An interning demon drives a pair of twins cursed with obedience and honesty to kill their cult leader.

THEMES: Trauma, sexual abuse, domestic violence, victim blaming (particularly self blame), peer pressure, redemption, internalized homophobia, and religion.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Sexual abuse, violence, domestic and otherwise, manipulation, and death

EXTENDED SUMMARY, CHARACTERS, EXCERPT AND NOTES:

Carmine can taste it. They're hiding something. Humans have such a silly smell about them, turns an overwhelming shade of sweet when they've made a demonic deal. All four of these children have. He just can't figure out what, and more importantly: why.

It keeps him on the surface longer than he should be. Long enough that Lilith sees it fit to send him a fucking trainee? And if that wasn't insult enough, the trainees one of the eternal teenage know-it-alls.

He's already got four annoying toddlers to trail, and now there's one tugging his hand in the new generation's approach to soul-catching like Carmine isn't one of the best employees they've had since the turn of the century.

And somehow, to make it all worse, the trainee is good at it. And if Carmine wants to keep his spot at the top of the food chain, he's going to have to get the soul of that dumb bitch who's running the joint.

But, of course, the kid gets him murdered??? And then has the nerve to figure out how what those toddlers managed to stick their syrupy, grubby little hands in. What gives?

But two can play at that game. If he can't get the dead guy's, then he can have the next best thing.

Jesse has lived just under seventeen years, but he's ready to check out. Or he was. But of course, some selfish bastard had to come along and say you can't ever act on those thoughts again! Don't think like that!

And then the hole kept getting deeper.

Six feet deep, to be exact. He's got blood on his hands and no matter how fucking good it felt to cut off the air supply to the God who stole his innocence, it's probably not going to feel very good to watch his mom suffer through a highly publicized trial with headlines like CHILD MURDERS HIGH PROFILE BENEFACTOR!!!

Oh. Well. Billy did say if he really got in that deep, he could always strike up a deal. His soul, everything wrapped up in a nice little bow, sweet as Easter Sunday. But until then? Yeah, he's content to live in a stupid fucking Sherlock Holmes novel.

CHARACTERS:

JESSE NIX: A soon-to-be seventeen-year-old saddled with the curse of obedience. Unlike miss-lucky-Ella-Enchanted, he wasn't told to give away his mommy's locket. No-siree. He was told to give away his virginity. In his opinion, the only appropriate payback is a life. Maybe, one day, if he really snaps, he'll dig up Pastor Dallin's corpse and chop his dick off. Really stick it to the man. If he doesn't go to prison first, anyway. (spotify playlist)

NANCY NIX: Also a soon-to-be-seventeen-year-old, though saddled with the curse of honesty. It's really not so bad. That is, until she stumbles across the sight of her dearest little brother covered in blood for no reason he can push through his metal braces. She refuses to believe he did it on purpose. If only she could convince the cops without sounding like a nutjob. (spotify playlist)

BEVERLY PINES: A seventeen-year-old cursed to feel the pain of those around her. It makes for some fun family dinners with a sadistic mom and a missing dad. Distance nulls pain, but she can't ever seem to make it past state lines before her mom gets wise and breaks one of her ribs. Oh, well. She's got a bone to pick with psychos like her mom. Apparently, Pastor Dallin was one of them. She doesn't think she could stomach the pain of killing someone, so next best thing, right? (spotify playlist)

CLARICE ANDERMANN: Also a seventeen-year-old cursed to be constantly in motion. It's honestly not that bad. She's Yale bound! Perks of having endless energy for everything to cheerleading to debate contests, though she can't imagine her heart's going to keep up like this. It's already hanging on by a thread. That thread is named Beverly Pines and like hell she's letting it go to prison for nothing. (spotify playlist)

BILLY: An annoying fuck trapped in a seventeen-year-old's body. No curses. The opposite, in fact - blessed with a silver tongue and a keen sense of deduction. It takes him all of two hours to put together (almost) everything about Jesse Nix. He just didn't think he could push the repressed little fuck to murder that quick. (All the more power to him, though. Prison always makes people desperate and paranoid, AKA: an easy mark.) (spotify playlist)

MAVIS EVANGELISTA: Former housewife turned grieving widow turned revered prophet. If she got a little help from someone downstairs, then who's to know? They love her all the same. Now, she really, really wants to see how far she can push them all. (spotify playlist)

CARMINE: Just a helpful guy, passing through. Really doesn't need anything, just a little pledge, is all! And then? Then, you can have everything you want, fame, money, power, love. The sky is your limit. The water's fine! (Ignore the piranhas, they'll wait till you're dead to eat your face, just a little bit.) (spotify playlist)

NOTES:

- all of these characters have equal importance within the story.

- personal tag system for story stuff is '#tbtd' and character tags are just first name (ex: '#jesse')

- this is kind of really fucked up. the only reason i wrote it was cause i was thinking damn ella enchanted really is NOT fucked up enough. like i don't think the author of ella enchanted went dark enough. a locket? that's it? a bitch move. i'm taking it to straight murder and sexual abuse

- jesse transgender, no character straight except evil people

- i'm not entirely sure how tag lists work but i think i get the gist of them?? idk if you want rb or ask or something </3

EXCERPT:

There were moments, where she was reminded just how different this voice was, how violent.

She had found Lynette, making off with her makeup that she’d spent her own allowance on. Mavis doted on her and, from what she’d seen of other families, everyone else looked upon their little siblings with contempt, despising the burden they dragged along with their existence.

But Mavis adored Lyn. When she'd been born, her mother had come home with a tiny thing bundled in pink fleece. Mavis had taken to Lyn on sight, thinking Lynette’s headband adorned with a baby blue bow was the universe’s way of telling her happy birthday! as reparations for the ones her mother had missed while she was enduring her week long stay at the hospital.

But that mindset was a disease, one that had finally caught up with her. Had Lynette not become her burden? She was nineteen, busting her back day and night so Lynette wouldn’t have to, that she might avoid the life that Mavis had lived in those blissful six years where it was her and her alone.

Had her mother not tampered down her birthday celebrations since Lynette’s was so very close and they couldn’t afford double anyway? Had Lynette not deprived her of the teenage experiences she heard her classmates speak of, going out and tasting alcohol for the first time while Mavis followed a ten year old Lynette house to house so she could complain of a stomach ache after she’d devoured all the candy on the walk back home?

And now this! Stealing her few precious items, the few things she bothered to save up for, few things she bothered to keep hidden. For what? It wasn’t as though she was ever going to have the courage to ask a peer of her’s out. She was a thief.

One Mavis had made the mistake of taking care of. She should’ve embraced those stirrings of resentment, should’ve left Lynette to her own devices since Lynette didn’t appreciate anything, or even half of what Mavis afforded her. She should’ve left her out in the cold that Christmas. How could anyone have known? It wasn’t as though corpses could talk--

She had let Lyn take off with the whole case, as if to remind herself when she woke up the next morning what she had considered, how vile the thought was.

Lyn had never done anything unforgivable to Mavis. Mavis didn’t suppose she ever could. It was no fault of Lyn’s she didn’t understand what it was like to live with their father. How could she? It was a topic off limits to Lyn by both Mavis and their mother. After all, a child born blind doesn’t know until it’s pointed out to them.

And yet, she found guilt hard to summon. She did, but the speed at which it came, the strength, made her uneasy. What had happened to the girl she was? Lyn had been her world. What had changed?

Then, dully, that other voice, entirely of its own volition, said You did.

[olde-scratch]

So I watched LUCIDS 1-4 without any prior knowledge...

and here were my thoughts. I didn’t watch any backstory or anything so enjoy my suffering.

PART 1

“So what happens when the people inside of their dreams go to sleep?” They die

“What happens when we wake up? Do they go on living while we’re not there?” THEY DIE-

“Who are they anyway?” they’re faces that our brain catalogs and stores for later use, although it’s also arguable that every time we dream we go to an alternate reality and inhabit the body of another version of ourselves. Now, were you in a car accident and trapped underwater or-

Are they twins?

(Me tuning out to do something)

“-the squirrel in spongebob was your soulmate, making you a Sandy simp-”

Me, snapping back to the video: hold up-

[missed the part about the worksheet, realized it when i rewatched 10 mins later to make this post]

yall speakin gibberish idk what youre saying-

“I’m gonna go to bed.” bro it literally looks like morning-

“You should get some sleep you look terrible.” i get six hours of sleep a night minimum and i look worse than him shut up bro-

“jump into someone else’s dream” ah i know this con-

why they all got the same face-

haha funni meme

“--an interruptiion can create feedback and tear them apart.” Death. I long for thee.

Is that Karl Jacob’s jacket?

“a second grader” makes me think this is a different school system. [i was wrong? i think?]

“[get him to] eat your apple”

[in the dream sequence] weird dream, but ive had weirder. now, Why Pamper’s-

why does he suddenly have a knife-

“You put a filter on the Dreamscape feed?”

“Technically, you are seven years old.”

???????????

the second hand embarrassment is UGGGHHH

[reading the description] you mean like the guy who was knocked out for 2 minutes on a football field and woke to find he’d dreamt 17 years of his life? oh this shall be Fun

PART 2

[I check the description] “jasper cult” what the fu-

how many camp camp references can i make during this

Is the apple a reference to religion or does the creator just really ilke apples?

“meal.”

“meal?”

meal????

Wait why couldn’t that guy eat the apple? If he wanted it in the fruit bowl, wouldn’t there be a chance of the guy eating it anyways?? Why can’t the guy who brought the apple eat it?

well he’s Dead

[debating if I should read the backstory}

n a h h h h h -

Was he gonna feed the dead guy the apple or something? Why is he upset about the apple in this scene???

oooo the grownups are fightinnnngggg

Is he an antagonist?

HE WROTE A BOOK???

oh now i want food

ESTABLISH JUSTICE ENSURE DOMESTIC TRANQUILITYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“I watched all those aforementioned shows” what shows did i miss something what-

man why you gotta hate on her jane austen fanfic let her live bro

string theory! i can get behind that! sorta-

o no he found the memes-

BOY GOT KNOCKED OUT-

kim there’s people that are dying-

is SHE an antagonist?

quinn? calling himself jasper? u sure hes not just nonbinary? is this just a metaphor for transphobic parenting?

“He died... but somewhere, he grew up.” So is your plan to take a Quinn from a different universe and make him your own, thereby robbing another version of yourself from happiness? When does this ever go well?

Yknow most people, when they lose a kid,,,, kinda,,,,,,, dont go on a ceaseless quest to find another version of their kid that grew up without knowing that another version of his mother was invading other peoples’ dreams to find and kidnap him,,,,,,,, like aint u got a therapist-

“Once you get past the point of not knowing what’s real anymore, you realize it doesn’t matter.” Well, I Got Called Out-

PART 3

“you’re real, oliver.”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

“you’ve been infected by the anti-love parasite of Mandadon” the amatonormativity is strong

so anyways ive been infected since birth hbu-

“James Jasperson, creator of Japple” did you mean to Fancy Well-Educated Man in a Black Turtleneck? cause the only FWEMBT i allow near me is prof. hidgens

“are you winning?” says the capitalist

why did you rewind to see his face?? you have the same face????? is this just bc the creator doesnt like working with other people cause in that case same but???????

“it’s a bad idea. i’m not gonna do it.” we’ve all been there. and we’ve all done it.

looks like me trying to study. (i say, a person who has studied a total of five minutes throughout their entire life.)

your “Spartan trial” looks like a bunch of guys standing on a hill pretending to be something they’re not. Let The Man Bring His Snacks.

eat the apple.

is this your first existential crisis or something what a loser lets all point and laugh

“One of you should be spared, the other shall’nt.” did you mean shant or was that a choice-

yall gonna get called out for talking shut UP

“sorry if this is too personal, btw. are you okay?”

me, confused and half understanding what’s going on and also needing to sleep cause its almost one in the morning but wanting to finish what i can find of lucids which i only starting watching cause i saw an animatic of ranboo and dream w audio from it: i don’t know anymore

“i just want my life back... i was gonna get married-” AREN’T YOU LIKE SEVEN-

ay man if this is a sacrificial cult yall gotta get daniel-

UPDATE: I  H A V E  N O T  F O U N D  I T -

“oliver”

I  F O U N D   I  T -

WHICH ONE IS QUINN?? WHO’S JASPER???? WHICH ONE IS BENJAMIN???? I THOUGH BENJAMIN WAS SEVEN BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED WHAT-

oliver. eat the apple.

“Can you still have memories even when you’re dreaming?” One time I woke up to my alarm and fell back asleep and in my dream I remembered that I had class in a few minutes and my dream self woke my real self up so fast I thought I was gonna get whiplash. Anyways, I was late to class bc of my computer but that doesn’t matter.

NOPE I FOUND IT. HERE’S THE AUDIO. THE ANIMATIC ONE. FINALLY.

im thinking car crash. but also maybe murder. but also maybe both? is it raining or was he drowning? is he in a coma? hmmmmmm?

wait olivers the one with the apple does that mean he’s the one dreaming? is the ending gonna be him and jasper (quinn? idk) fighting against ben and mrs hills about jasper eating the apple to save oliver from the dream? hmmmmmmmmmm-

waitwaitwait i thought oliver was 7 how is benjamin 7 years younger than him if they look the same age what what what explain america explain what you mean arkansaw-

are the cuts on his nose plot-relevant or

“What if you hadn’t been driving?” So I was right about the car accident but Mrs. Hills still said he was seven so did i mishear her say that BENJAMIN was seven? but even then oliver would be 14 and that would still be illegal-

“How are you feeling?”

“Like you’re a pretty bad therapist.”

mood

“--it makes it all bearable to have power over the stories we write in our heads” that’s why i write fanfiction

HE’S GOT THE NOTEBOOK HE’S GONNA WRITE SOMETHING ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

WHAT YOU MEAN AN EXPERIMENT THAT’S HIS NAME-

[upon reading the description] so i was right.

wait was that supposed to be the twist in part 2 about the apple in his pocket is that what the existential crisis was about i thought it was because he was introduced to the multiple worlds theory-

PART 4

wait wasnt the other one january 2018 why we going back to 2017-

appol

“--the future and the past all already exist” mhm yep figured this out long ago

there was simultaneously a point in time in which i hadn’t known about this, had been looking it up, had been watching it, and had been writing an ending to this post, and had been posting it the next morning before class. that time is both now and not now. Welcome To The Multiverse Theory or whatever its called-

“--my favorite scene of the movie is waking up next to you.” Mine is eating fast food as I listen to AJJ and play Minecraft. We are not the same.

Now I’m hungry but it’s 1 in the morning and i already put my retainer in god fu-

[reading description] what do you mean previously??? she did that in the first episode????????

[still on description] WHAT DO YOU MEAN WILL QUINN BITE THE APPLE AND GO TO BENJAMINS REALITY ISNT THIS OLIVERS REALITY AND HE HAS TO GET BEN TO BITE THE APPLE WHY IS APPLE CAPITALIZED IS THIS THE DOING OF THE FWEMBT

i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have wa-

[description] oh ive been spelling quinn right the whole time nice

i hope she rejects you /j

WAIT BENJAMIN WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE

ISNT HE IN SECOND GRADE-

HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD HOW IS HE GETTING MARRIED ARE THERE TWO BENJAMINS THAT WE’RE FOCUSING ON-

bro get out of the road ull get hit

how do you knOW WHICH ONE IS QUINN THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON-

so

wait

hills wants ben to feed quinn the apple bc in his mind, that will give hills and quinn a happy ending and she doesnt want ben to see the apple bc thats gonna mean ben will know that his reality isnt reality at all. so then oliver has to,,,, not let anyone eat his apple? he just has to wake up?

IS HILLS THE VILLAIN AFTER ALL ORRRRR

wait but if ben sees the apple wont he realize that his reality is wrong and his reality will change, making it so that hills doesnt get her son? or is there some time-based rule that says they’re only transported to the reality that the person believes at that moment? or is this another stab at the multiverse thing where an infinite amount of hills gets their happy endings while an infinite amount of hills doesnt and etc etc?

i should have watched the ba-

oooo dramatique

they’re in a time loop?

nope thats a new powerpoint

wait so theyre,,,, no-

wait-

nvm-

IS THE BEN WE KNOW AN ADULT GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE OR NOT-

“they were actually pretty nice” didnt they throw someone off a cliff-

oh so it got confusing THEN??? NOT BEFORE?????

“it all seemed so real.” is that Not the point of vivid REM sleep hallucinations-

is oliver gonna show ben the apple and ruin hills’ whole operation

WHO ARE ALEX AND RYAN-

“what’s 25-8″ bro dont do this to me-

yep hes gonna show the apple

ayyy the guy who stole karl jacobs jacket it back

the second hand embarrassment is back and I Hate It

all that happens in episode ONE??? bro get some better writers that is bad pacing

“it’s the best!” wait until season eight. no show has a good season eight.

quinn knows about the apple thing w the dreams and multiverse and realities dont he

YOU KILLED HIM

NOT KARL JACOBS NOOOOO HES ALREADY DIED ONCE

oliver is v relatable

wHaT iN tArNaTiOn-

lemme hear that explanaton again-

is bill cipher gonna show up? i hope bill cipher shows up. i miss gravity falls

“ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” moooooooood

did hills murder quinn

is your family the jasper cult

TOXXIICCCCCC get that lady out of your life quinn that is so toxic

“ ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!  ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S THE END NO WHAT WHY NO

The Adventures of Benjamin and Oliver

he is Not Good

ope-

wait so ben is equal parts an adult AND a child?? okay that clears a lot up

I MEAN HE WAS RIGHT THO BEN U CAN’T REALLY ARGUE ON THAT-

ew get off the floor

butterfly effect, multiverse theory, memory decay, and your imagination ALL exist yall gonna ignore that cause you wanna be famous?

“We already know what the future looks like!”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

to add to the list of bad things: Cats (2019)

YA BOI THINKS IT’S NOT ALREADY FIFTY YEARS TOO LATE TO START FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE FFFFF

BINGO BABYYYY

get what what

what mapped-

awwwww he thinks THEY’RE creating the multiverse

you gonna dismiss the multiverse theory bc of something you created in your current reality? loooserrrrrr

ABUSE YOUR GODLIKE POWERS

she draggin that seven year old

a lot makes sense now why didnt i do this first-

Jasper

the food shortages-

bro that calculators like 90 bucks at walmart

imagine meeting a stranger and they know Everything about your life like that’s gotta be so weird

what’s even weirder is them telling you you’re the deity of a cult that sacrifices animals

THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK WAS-

KARL JACOBS IS DEAD NOOOOOO

ooohhh there’s context for that

OOOOHHHH THERE’S CONTEXT FOR THIS TOOOO

w h a t -

w  h  a  t  -

W   H   A   T   -

Conclusion:

it’s 2 in the morning and i need sleep but hOOOOO MY GODS THAT WAS GOOD IS IT OVER OR NOT IDK ANYMORE IM TIRED THAT WAS CRAZY I HOPE QUINN AND JASPER GO ON TO BE VERY GOOD FRIENDS, AND I HOPE BENJAMIN AND OLIVER STAY VERY GOOD FRIENDS AND I HOPE HILLS FINDS A THERAPIST WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING BUT I ENJOYED IT

if i dream about apples im suing /j /lh

[angelfrequency]

How I manifest:

This guide is mainly for manifesting desired people, but it can be edited/adapted for other stuff. Keep in mind this is how I personally manifest so if there’s things you like to do differently thats ok 💕

Decide what you want - Self explanatory

Set a due date - Now a lot of people say not to do this, to simply flow and wait and allow divine timing. I don’t believe in divine timing I believe that the right time is when I feel like it. However it is important that you’re not anxious about this date. Like I would like to get my partner on December because idk it would be fun to have winter dates, I want to have a winter romance, idk point is that if that doesn’t happen it’s okay and you gotta have that mindset.

Describe - Write what you want, how they look like, how you want them to act, hobbies, things they like, beliefs or opinions you want your partner to match, religion,age . Write your ideal person according to your personal wants none of that “let me write they’re a fan of xyz sports team because my dad likes that team too” your partner is for you so make them for you. You can write this in a notebook, a word document, notes app it doesn’t matter. I made a collage for looks along with bullet points on a wattpad draft

Do methods - So scripting, vision boards, meditation, 369 merhod, lists, etc etc etc.

Set a time - Typically what I’ve read is like script the same thing everyday, say affirmations everyday, Write once and let go bla bla bla. But I’ve never read about the power of reading our lists and scripts. Usually I did this at night time I looked at my lists, vision boards, concentrated on warm fuzzy feelings. Sometimes I even pretended he was next to me it was fun

Align - While you should align with the vibrations of love and happiness and feeling warm it is also important to align in the physical realm. A lot of people say like attracts like and “oh if they’re a gym freak you should strive to be a gym freak too” let me just say no. For the most part yes couples have similar tastes and likes but you don’t have to change your personality and hobbies for it. Aligning to me is basically living in the end, or acting as if while genuinely feeling it. Ways to align is to pretend you’re in a relationship (delete tinder lmao), act like you would in a healty relationship, do things that make you feel confident, if they’re from another country say Spain try learning spanish, maybe incorporate some fitness (or some of their hobbies) only if you wish to. Definitely listen to your gut and inspired action.

Allow - A lot of people say to let go of the manifestation. Personally I never let go of the manifestation completely perse. During the day I let go of the manifestation I simply go about my day acting as if, in this case, I go around as a person in a relationship so I embody that. At night before I sleep I go through the “set a time” process and simply read through my things. For me letting go is letting go of the sensations of lack when I read and go through my lists it makes me feel happy, grateful and accomplished

[mrs-hatake]

Okay, this might be weird but. . .

I only read fem x reader, because I am a female

I avoid gender neutral, gender fluid, and male!reader cause. . . I'm female

I know that the fluid and neutral is suppose to be friendly for everyone, but I can't click on the button to read without feeling guilty. Like, I have the right to read it because it's for everyone, but I feel like I'm being rude to the people who are legit gender neutral or gender fluid who read those pairings for their comfort knowing the pairing is their pronouns without having to pretend.

Idk man

And for male, idk how fellow females read it. I avoid them like the pledge because I know that males deserve their own x reader stories without having to rely on neatral/fluid!reader stories(which is fine!). I just find it rude, you know? It's a weird thought process of mine

I accidentally read a male!reader one-shot, thinking it was fem!reader, and it didn't indicate that it was a male!reader until the end. I got so confused so I looked at the pairing, and boy did guilt wash over me.

I can never forgive myself for that 😖

-✨Anon

okay, so, i thought about this for days and this is what i have to say. please correct me if i’ve i’m wrong! i don’t mean to offend anyone and i am willing to learn!

to be honest, i don’t think that it’s not allowed for you to read gender neutral fics. i believe that the point of gn fics is to make reader as diverse as possible and to allow for readers to imagine y/n how they see fit. HOWEVER, i do know that gn reader fics are also used for non binary people.

when you read a story or watch a movie/show where the mc is poc/chubby/muslim, etc do you think it is wrong to watch those movies? that since you’re not part of that community that you aren’t allowed to watch them? simple answer, no.

i’m not from india but i grew up watching bollywood movies and i related to them so much even though i am not from that country, part of that culture or follow any of their religions (other than islam) but i still feel a bit represented.

i’ve watched a few movies where most of the characters were black. not of their culture, their community or anything but i still watched them because i wanted to. same with movies with plus sized characters, disabled characters, etc. as long as you don’t watch them to make fun, speak over people from those communities, fetishize them or anything like that then it’s fine?

personally, i feel like watching movies or shows or reading stories that doesn’t personally represent you is a great way of understanding other people. they aren’t as accurate as real life but it’s a good starting point!

please don’t feel guilty about consuming media that isn’t harmful. especially when a lot of them are sources for entertainment.

again, kindly correct me if i’m wrong about this or if you’d like to add anything to this ^^

[flirting-with-psychology]

100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? Maybe just a little bit

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? I mourn for the college experience I didn’t quite manage to have, and for the utopian life from the end of The Good Place that is impossible to get in real life

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? Hopefully

Do you place any value in gender roles? Anyone can do whatever they want but I do associate some things with gender

Do you have to be related to be family? I don’t consider non-relatives my family

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? I have always put a lot of weight on romantic relationships

Are you in love? Do you want to be? Not quite but I want to be

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? I can put it into categories

Would you be happy with a life without romance? No

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? Yes, probably Captain and Candy Cane

Would you change your appearance if you could? Yes, but not surgically

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? I feel like I could have had a different life experience if I was born a decade or two sooner

Do you believe in reincarnation? No but I wish I did, there are definitely things I want a second chance at

Would you want to be reincarnated? Yes

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? I would like to be special but probably not

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? Yes, they are interesting and can often lead to real-life scenarios

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? I did when I was a kid. I still like to make up characters but I don’t consider them imaginary friends

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I am not religious, and I think it is most likely that there is no god or spiritual force

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? I don’t really wish I were but sometimes I can understand the desire to believe your life will have a guaranteed happy ending

Do you want a grand adventure? Yes

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? Yes

How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better? I’m not sure where exactly like turns into love, and I have never experienced being in love in a relationship

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? It would have to be about more than just convenience

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? I have not really questioned it much. I am a cis girl and I am happy being a girl, but I think if I were born a boy I would probably be happy being a boy too. I am mostly straight but maybe just a little bit bi, although I don’t think I would have romantic feelings for a girl

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality? Not too fluid but idk

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably where to go to college

Are you afraid of growing old? Yes

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? I think I would get tired and lonely living forever, but a few centuries would give me enough time to try things

Do you believe in some form of god/s? No

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? Free will

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? Lately I’ve been fearing dying of covid, but hopefully not

Do you believe in star signs? No

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? Legally 18, socially probably like 30

Was your childhood happy? I think so

What are you missing from your life? A passion

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? Not any more so than regular friends

Do opposites attract? Not really

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? No, even if you take out the pandemic I still thought I would be doing something interesting with my career

Do you know what you want out of life? No

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? I guess if they help people? I would not necessarily say I am a very good person but I think I am more good than bad

What fundamentally matters do you? Love and fun

Is freewill an illusion? Not spiritually, but maybe capitalistically

Do you create art? How do you define art? I make jewelry and other crafts, and videos. Art is stuff that is there to be entertaining or beautiful, rather than just utilitarian

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I rarely lie and I usually disapprove of lying but in some cases it can be ok

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? Something I create

Is true world peace ever possible? Idk. Not looking like it

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it? Who the fuck knows. Everyone experiences things differently, even if you suffer the same thing

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? I am legally free but not free of capitalism

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yes

What do you expect from a friend or partner? Someone with a sense of humor who is easy to talk to, and romantic for a partner

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? No idea

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? I’m sure I have abosrbed some

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? Idk maybe still supporting Harry Potter even though I don’t agree with JK Rowling’s anti-trans beliefs

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? No

Is a conscious what makes someone a person? Probably

What do you think about artificial intelligence? It’s kinda cool but I don’t understand how it works

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? Yes but it’s not a bad thing

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? I doubt it

What do you think the next era of music will be like? Who knows, I barely even listen to this era

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like? Masks will be incorporated into it

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? It’s hard to say

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? No, and I probably wouldn’t

How confident are you, really? Not very

How consistent is your perception of time? Not very

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? 18 is probably a good age, I think it’s hard to make an informed decision as a kid. I know I would either want whoever my parents wanted or whoever was more attractive

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’? Probably not a good idea in general

What’s the worse thing a person can be? A murderer

How do you feel about monogamy? I would like to have it

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? Probably

What’s the tragedy of your life? Losing all my potential

Would your life make a good play? No it would be hella boring

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time? No

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? I feel some loyalty I guess because it’s home, but I would not fight

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? I believe in equal opportunities but not forcing people to act a certain way

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? I think as a society we need to take care of people and probably set up government resources to do so, but the specific people who do that should be the ones who feel fulfilled by it

Do you crave approval and/or praise? Yes

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy? Idk

Are you ever going to be satisfied? I hope so but knowing me, probably not

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? Music that conveys my emotions

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? Most of the time I just shuffle it but I do have some playlists

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? Probably not

Are you a deep person? Eh

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? Not unless there was already an established society on mars with opportunities for entertainment and community interaction

Are you who people think you are? Not really. I think I am more extroverted than people think (even though I’m really an ambivert), and a lot of people think I should do sales or customer service which I hate even though I’m ok at them

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I might be happier if I was a boy, but only if I was an outgoing boy. And I might be happier if I was in one of those happier-on-average countries

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? My toxic traits are stubbornnes, procrastination, and lack of motivation, which are by nature extremely hard to work on

Do you anger easily? Maybe a little but I also let go of it easily

Are you a jealous person? Yes

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? I assume not

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? Maybe

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? No. I hate Mitch McConnell

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? I only speak a little french and italian, I am not fluent. I dream in English. I might want to learn Gaelic

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? Sometimes I draw meaning

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? Probably desperately lol

Is unrequited love real love? I think so

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? Idk

Are you overly analytical? Yes

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? Occasionally

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? No, but I wish it was real

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? That I’ll end up with an interesting or exceptional life. Idk if I firmly believe it but I would like to believe it, because the alternative is depressing