#idk i know this isn’t coherent im just Thinking Thoughts

[sangcreole]

no but I do think Louis actually experienced severe separation anxiety with Lestat for a period of time post-Merrick to the point that it probably harmed their relationship :/

[deus-ex-mona]

no thoughts, just the way the narumi sisters are so different yet fundamentally similar at the same time yk?

[aimseytv]

this isnt an ask just a ramble i needed to get out about au sunship, i've never had tumblr before and im running on little sleep so this isnt going to be very coherent

But like the parallel between when guqqie felt guilty about getting aimsey to lie because they didn’t want acho to see them differently/yell at them vs aimsey getting angry that guqqie told michella about what hera did because aimsey didn’t want anyone to see guqqie negatively and yell at her (i can’t phrase things right) THESE SCENCES ARENT SIMILAR BUT THEY REMIND ME OF EACHOTHER SO MUCH LIKE KIND OF FORESHADOWING??

AIMSEY SAYING

“other people’s opinions… aren’t something we can control, ….. you need to not worry about what other people think of me…”

Guqqie “people shouldn’t judge you based on one action… i just want people to see that your good”

“…i just don’t think you should be so worried about the way people are gonna perceive me because at the end of the day their thoughts don’t really matter” 

and guqqie being like “they matter to me i want everyone to like you cause your great” 

“as long as you like me then i’m okay”

And this scene isn’t made like a very big deal but like it does matter obviously and then later after mr. loverman (before they see guqqs for the first time) aimsey doesn’t think guqqs likes it anymore and so like they feel like what everyone else always thought of him guqqie also thinks of him now (“youre just a demon”)

and then during the wall scene when aimsey is like did you tell michella and guqqies like yeah and aimseys upset because like 

“i didn’t want people to see you in the wrong way, guqqie!” 

“that’s not up to you!”

“yes it is! …..  i didn’t want people to see you the same way they saw me! i didn’t want it. i didn’t want it anymore. and i just didn’t want people to start making up these things and painting you in a terrible light-

people expect these things of me and they expect me to be this bad thing and i just didn’t want that to happen to you. i just didn’t want it ok…

if i told people that you beat me do you genuinely think people would just look at you and they would think that everything’s ok? No, they wouldn’t guqqie! they would see you differently. and i didn’t want that okay! i just didn’t want that! i just wanted things to be okay…”

so we’ve kind of known this whole time that aimsey really does care about what others think of him but they didn’t quite let on to it when guqqie was talking to her about it but during the wall scene we really see how much others seeing aimsey in a negative light has affected it and how much he’s been hurt by it to the point where they’re genuinely terrified of guqqie also having to go through that!! and just!!! They announcement has made me rewatch a lot of the vods/the ausunshipduo movie and im brain rotting about them but no one I know will listen to me ramble so i just needed this to go somewhere (sorry) ive reread this to see if it makes sense but my eyes hurt so idk if it does or not (im so sorry)

this is so sweet i read the entire thing :) glad you love ausmp gamer

[chair002]

BRO CHAIR I WATCHED THE SUPER SECRET GEAR VAULT VOD. now i can't stop thinking about stupid temu eclipse federation (okay i dont watn this name to stick but that is their tentative name for the sake of this ask) something has awakened inside of me so here ARE ALL MY THOUGHRS 

i can't believe i havent watched this ever until today. this is targeted losers propaganda im not even joking. im cheating on spacewaffles today because what is this. what is it

there are so many good losers moments i wish i could talk about them all but. i honestly have no coherent thoughts i just hate them and need them dead also think they should kiss but that’s an issue for another day "you can't even make me mad today" "yeah? i bet i could" <- like wha t was that . what was that

i NEEED TO GET TO THE MAIN POINT OF THIS. okay theres no main point im just gonna dump everything here

LIKE FROM 40 MINS ISH AND ONWARDS AFTER PLANET LOGS ON?? THE WAY MAPICC REACTS COMPARED TO BACON??? 

bacon: good news though, i think i built the door mapicc: okay that’s not important if he’s gonna jump us. look at me? here. 13 gaps, the goodie bag i gave you has some pots in it bacon: oh. like i’m not worried though! like he wouldn’t come and kill us, you know? mapicc: yes he would. yes he would and he probably will. bacon: you think he will? mapicc: yes i think he’s on his way. let me get some harming arrows ready. ummm let’s see bacon: alright chat, hey. he might come and jump us but what’s really important is the friendship. just our general outlook on life is what’s most important. and if we stay positive, there’s nothing he can do that can hurt us!  ... mapicc: put down my goodie bag and put some pots in your inventory just in case bacon: okay… but then that would mean i’d have to get rid of my—mapicc: just sacrifice like 6 inventory slots it’s really not that deep

okay whats intersting to me is. why is bacon being so weirdly optimistic about planet. does he still. slightly believe that planet wouldn’t jump them because of their past friendship

like idk?? how'd u interpret what he meant in his little monologue to chat. "if we stay positive" what is this bullshit coming out of your mouth bro. what are we saying. 

ugh its just something about bacon choosing to believe in planet and mapicc NOT. it just feels. so? bacon is clearly not Thinking this through despite being the Thinker of the two. bacon being so chill about it and trying to change the topic to his STUPID PISTON DOOR??? pushing aside mapicc Who is Clearly worrying and trying to prepare him for pvp despite bacon not wanting to take redstone stuff out of his inventory for god knows why. 

bacon is just so detached from the idea that planet could jump them like i actualyl feel unwell. like is the thought that painful to you? is the familiarity of trust, despite knowing that it isn’t there anymore, easier than accepting that planet will kill you with No Hesitation????

even assuming that planet wouldnt go to the extent of turning their outer layer off like. the remnants of trust from s4. (and calling parrot planet’s name by accident because it just slips out. remnants of love shown through habits. aren’t habits and routines like the biggest representations of love ever because they’re built over days and weeks of just being around each other and doing things WITH each other. i’m sick) despite being jumped at the beginning of s5. despite planet saying "keep the diamonds so i can kill you later". bacon is PUSHING IT ALL AWAY like Stage 1 of grief is denial.

losers but bacon isn't over his ex best-friend* (*ambiguous) and will never be. lmao!

okay small aside. mapicc being like ill just shoot you a fire res made me think about "sharing potions are we? gayyyyy" from planet in the planetlord duel vod and i giggled to myself a little bit. losers… I know what you are. 

anyways mapicc literally. leading everything when they’re trying to find planet. bacon just sits back says nothing in chat just listens to what mapicc wants. does he not want to confront planet like this? so he lets mapicc do it for him?

until. until bacons like oh planet’s being so silent he’s usually mr yapper then "im trying to speak to [planet] in a language he understands" and it’s a language from their past. stupid keyboard smashes. that really hurt not gonna lie

AND OFC MAPICC WANTS TO DROP DOWN DESPITE THE POSSIBILITY OF PLANET WAITING DOWN THERE WITH TNT MINECARTS AND OFC MAPICC WILL JUST TRIPLE GAP AND HOLD HIS SHIELD AND BE SELF SACRIFICIAL 

of course planet is there and of course all of bacon's believing was Wrong and of course mapicc was right 

yk losers have really been on my mind lately since recently with the wardens. this is making it Worse. i kinda died a little bit when mapicc got up at 4am because bacon called him to help him w fighting subz. it's you call i answer (even though i hate u and you’re a dumbass dipshit asshole and annoying). fuckkkk like yeah they hate each other and get on each other's nerves but when they lock in... they Lock In. 

mapicc's "the tables turned" line in s6 i think might be The Line about this trio. mapicc being the one to deliver the killing blow on planet during wormhole. mapicc being the one to protect bacon from planet in s5. mapicc being the one jumping bacon and planet in s6. the tables turned. oh how the tables turn. and they revolve around bacon actually!!! 

but why do they revolve around bacon. Is The Question. in his words he’s always the one being jumped. 

mapicc: i get planet– i don’t know. i get why he did it. bacon: why did he do it. cause he was bored? mapicc: yeah playing on 20 hearts, i don’t think you understand bacon, playing on 20 hearts is so fucking boring.

this part intrigued me. even after all of that shit and a wasted stream and mapicc calling planet annoying probably a good 10 times he still… is able to empathize with planet? over heart count specifically. and the “i don’t think you understand bacon” part. there is something here i cant connect the dots.

i dont knowwwww does it stem from the mapicc being the one to kill planet 30 seconds before the wormhole timer ran out. the one to kill every bit of hope they had of Winning. of being victorious for once in their lives. was mapicc not just the killing blow in terms of wormhole but also the killing blow for planet and being weak? the final straw before planet decided to go on their s5 20 heart arc? it’s like. mapicc passed a torch onto planet. and those two understand power in a way that bacon will never. which is why the trio is the way they are. 

me: oh i’m bored. Lets watch this. i was then shot 57 MILLION times

okay fjnal note the thing is i don’t know eclipse fed lore well enough (I am a fake lifesteal fan…) to fully understand why u called them temu eclipse fed so i’m also curious about that 

HAHAHA YESSSS ITS WORKING!!! MY EVIL PLAN TO MAKE EVERYONE A FAN OF THIS TRIO...!!!! its such a fun vod i love the losers & planet in it so bad im glad you enjoyed it!! the boy best friends ever. everytime i think about the sharing potions line i think of the image of the guy in the zoo throwing a rock at an elephant going 'gayyyy'. dont worry you cant cheat on spacewaffles with losers because bacon has two hands <3 sooo glad i got you into this swamp

hmmm that speech about friendship is a little funny. i think for sure bacon has a lot of sympathy for planet still, even after he becomes the way he is in s5. because that's still planet. and this is relatively early in the season so of course there are some gears in his brain left unswitched. you know how we talk about planet keeping habits from season 5, maybe bacon also kept habits from season 4. season to season teammate switch is often very drastic.

planet is also very interesting, because like yeah, he's bored and he's always bothering losers. sometimes he kills them, but sometimes he just hangs out around them for one peaceful moment. and i love this, because from planet's video, we know planet is lonely, and this is true overall but it’s a little funny that for the sake of the video’s point (being powerful on lifesteal makes you lonely) losers barely show up, even though he spends a lot of time with them on steam. right before the duel he calls them 'my best friends on the whole lifesteal smp' which is clearly a half joke, theyre about to fight to the death, but also not. because spoke told him, when you become powerful, all ties are cut. i love watching him through losers pov this arc so much because he's ruthless and cruel to them but he acts friendly, because they still are friends in a way. bacon is definitely still a friend to them, its not like PLANET is the one getting mad at bacon. to planet hes still the same bacon, and mapicc might as well be a friend too with how much they spend time together. he's merciless towards them but still very much a friend.

mapicc is like. he hates planet i think, but there’s also mutual respect. They get each other. there's a funny s4 chat message i love that just says '<Mapicc> PlanetLord i hate you on a personal level' and thats BEFORE all this shit happened, but also planet & mapicc are in many ways similar, not in their attitude or personalities but in their, like, position i guess? the position of the tables getting turned, around bacon, yeah. mapicc's mind is completely unclouded when it comes to planet, and he is better at chasing people down no matter who it is. bacon's best bet when fighting planetlord is to talk to them because that's one thing he knows best, and also it's planetlord, but when they dont wanna talk and instead just want to kill, well, what can he even do realistically? just sit back and try and listen to mapicc.

to be honest i have never thought about the fact that it was mapicc who was the last person to kill planet before he decided to become powerful but now that you say it ohhhhhh this makes sense. this makes so much sense. Im gonna be thinking about this. The last hit and the biggest loss of season 4 was by mapicc’s hands, and so him getting back at mapicc, now that HE’S burdened with the responsibility of being weak and being with bacon, makes a lot of sense. Probably not intentional but there has to be some sort of catharsis in doing all that after being enemies with mapicc for so long.

dude have you seen like. the clip where mapicc & zam ask bacon if he can call mapicc cute and bacon is like ???no and mapicc goes "is planetlord cute?" and before bacon can answer he goes "who's cuter, me or planetlord?" and after bacon refuses to answer and he calls him a little bitch ;like ????? what is this beef ?? if i were mapicc though i’d be angry too imagine you've given this guy everything he can ever need and more for a season straight and you ask him if he likes you or the Guy who maimed you with knives and logs on once every 3 months and he cant even answer... maybe bacon IS a little bitch

I think my favorite mapicc + planet moments are when they’re with bacon and, even if they dislike each other, they just click instantly simply because they want to make fun of bacon as much as possible. Like s6 day 2 when bacon says ‘how are you blaming this on me?’ and planet replies ‘ummm because its fun?’ and mapicc chimes in going ‘it IS fun to blame bacon isnt it!’ just setting aside all differences to psychologically torture their best friend. The goddamn 20 hearts prank?? The fact that he called Planet (& spoke) up, and was like ‘hey, i need you to kill bacon like 10 times in a row, think you can do that?’ and planet was like yeppppp lets do this bestie. Thats hilarious. but also so deeply fucked up of them. both of them just watched him scream and rage and threaten to kill himself as he kept falling down from the island onto Planet’s sword frantically screaming ‘yesss kill me more, keep killing me! I dont even care!’ and neither of them were like hey arent we going a little too far. 

Also, never not thinking about the fact that the only times bacon has been at 20 hearts were because Mapicc just gifted them to him. youre SO right about the 'you call i answer' because when Wemmbu was humiliating Bacon during the Quickdrop Daycare stream he asks if anyone is going to get his stuff and no one responds, so he calls out mapicc by name, and zam laughs at him and goes "bro thinks it's season 5!" and then. then mapicc just listens to him and actually attacks wemmbu and tries to get his things back. of course mapicc is the first person he's asking, mapicc will always help and he knows it. mapicc is always there and he never refuses to help anyone he's on good terms with, let alone bacon. this has always been the case but this season especially, he's just so completely selfless. he does so much for other people, including bacon, it's actually concerning. when he saved Bacon & Hannah's things from spawn he didnt quite get everything so he literally stood there in front of Hannah and, my jaw dropped to the floor here, said "sorry i couldnt be more helpful". like ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU ARE LITERALLY MAPICC. YOU ARE THE MOST HELPFUL PERSON MAYBE EVER? you logged on when they asked, got their stuff after they died, almost got killed in the process, and YOU are standing there APOLOGIZING for not being helpful?? are we serious? 

i called them temu eclipse cause it's just a trio that's kinda like a car crash but you cant look away it wasnt a serious comparison to be honest LOL i just thought it was a funny thing to say

this is not even character analysis anymore im just yapping and fujoshing out. Thank you for the ask juyo reading & writing this was awesome i loooove yapping with you we should set up tubes between our brains to get c!bacon thoughts delivered to each other at a faster pace

[crguang]

haven’t read kafka’s voice lines in a minute, but I just reread them, and like I need to know more. like her being a devil hunter. why were there devils on her planet in the first place, was it bc of the stellar on or just like smth else. why’d she become one. and it was always interesting to me that it seems like she kind of didn’t like her home planet, obviously she could be lying. ig she wasn’t that close to her family and she probably didn’t have friends bc she’s a loser and isn’t good at connecting w people. And I’m curious abt where and when she started saying "When making friends with someone, keep the right distance, in order to maintain a long-lasting relationship." and firefly thinks she doesn’t believe that? if Kafka didn’t care abt anyone on her home planet ig that would make sense? idk hsjjghsh I’m not coherent enough but I need more Kafka. I do wonder abt how people who can’t feel fear yk survive and all, but idk. Her sea voice like is also interesting like why was that such a personal place?

Also my fighter between the two kafcats os probably the happy one bc she’s just so cute…I want to a symphony a few days ago and I couldn’t stop thinking abt Kafka, like violin=kafka for me. She def would liked it, trust me. On a side note, do u think she’d be concert master? it’s like the best (violin I think) player and everyone tunes to them bc, and they usually get all the violin solos.

and I’m gonna have to clear out some stuff bc I don’t have enough storage for ptn…don’t ask. I know I’ll like it bc women, ugh I should just get more storage.

less than 24 hours til the banners come out im actually terrified, but umm we’ll see. And I have a quiz ig but you def got me covered fr (didn’t know you take comp too)

-🌠

now that ive read AND listened to her voice lines i find it curious that she seems to have a bit of nostalgia in her tone when talking about the destruction of her planet. like you can tell whenever she has a smile on her face as she says certain lines and she’s always so playful (spent a whole hour just listening to her yesterday im ill) but this line was one of the serious-ish ones. she could be acting all mysterious on purpose but i guess we won’t know until more info comes out…. i really wonder if she had friends or something before because she says she rarely ever saw the same person twice due to her work.

THE SEA VOICE LINE. HELLO. WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME HOW EXCITED SHE GETS?! THE CUTE EMPHASIS ON “fiercest”?!?!?! YOU ALLLLL FAILED ME. she speaks so genuinely as if reminiscing that place then she composes herself after a pause… wow. my baby. she’s so cute 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i also go violin = kafka and omgg going to a symphony sounds so nice i hope u had a great time. straight up unbiased thoughts i think she would get the solos because she seems really rigorous in her practice of the violin despite having a very unstable job. she doesn’t strike me as the type to go for easy to play pieces either, especially when you consider what kind of music she’d like. so she’d work for that solo!!

hope your pulls went well i thought i was gonna be devastated if she came at hard pity but turns out im too happy that shes home at all🥹

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Uh, merry slightly-late crisler (idk if you’ll get that reference). I’m still not at all good at getting my thoughts down onto paper (electronics?), so in short, I ditto what the ribbon anon said. I really hope this doesn’t come across as me hitching a ride on what they said, I have it in my own words, just that my own words are raw brain vomit and probably not the most tasteful consumed unprocessed (and also agonizing over the wording… a lot) but here goes (I really hope I don’t come off as strange or too strong, can’t do much about it or ill psych myself out and overthink it. Also hope that’s not oversharing. Yay social anxiety :,D):

Like, from what I can tell from the online you, you’re a great, very kind person who is very passionate about what they do. I don’t know if that’s cringe but I think that it’s amazing what you do, being able to translate whatever worlds/ideas you have into coherent stories. Those stories live rent free in my head. And the worldbuilding? Bro, I cannot emphasize enough how much I want to study that world (Falkradia. I think that’s how you spell it) under a microscope and absorb all of the most minute details.

Not sure if this is strange, but you could yap about how there are different types of grass in each region and I’d be damn enamored. And the characters? From all your stories big and small? Also under the microscope, in little slides, i want to learn their stories and backgrounds and damn everything (I have a collection of questions built up in my mind I’d love to ask about the Falkry one but don’t want to be a bother. My brain reset with social interaction for some reason and it’s back to questioning everything. And I say that as self deprecation to clarify. God I hope I’m not being annoying or somehow making this about myself I swear IM NOT-)

I also don’t think you’re weird. If anything (and I REALLY hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way), “weird” people are what makes the world interesting.

God I have so much more to say but I can’t be coherent (is the term “normal” the one? Like the whole “I’m so normal about this”? I’m not good with internet slang) about it but, in short, you’re a really cool (vocab is not on my side) person and I am so damn glad to have discovered this little nook on tumblr whenever I did. You seem like you’d be a really cool friend irl (like ribbon anon said. I very much agree.) and god I don’t think I can do my brain words justice.

I’d love to interact more but I don’t want to be a bother and again, general social anxiety and severe overthinking do a number on someone when trying to interact online (that’s self deprecation to clarify, no harm towards you. I do not have confidence in my word conveying, if the amount of apologies is anything to go by lol). I really hope this isn’t oversharing, but you’re one of the tumblr people blog things I feel more comfortable with interacting with, I’m not sure how else to really express it; you just have a chill vibe (is that the right word I’m looking for? Also really hope that doesn’t somehow put pressure on you, just saying you’re easy to talk to?). I’d love to share random things or talk about worldbuilding and the like, again, sorry if I’m repeating myself, it’s just so damn interesting (if you’re alright with it. I understand if not)

I hope you continue to do what you do (again? It’s hecking amazing) what you do, that you take care of yourself and that you have a great rest of your belated somewhat Christmas idk what to call it :D

-idk

(God I really do apologize if this comes off the wrong way, seriously, I mean all of it in a positive way. I had to gather my brain thoughts and then psyched myself out and then my brain decided to say “let’s screw it” and do it and I’m both glad and terrified of somehow coming off as rude or insensitive or weird or too much or anything else and god I’m oversharing shUT UP-)

I can and probably will over explain myself in the comment section lol sorry (seriously though, sorry for the incoherentness and unhinged mess)

I don't think anything you said here is cringey in the least, and honestly, I really appreciate it. I found this message very deep, insightful, and kind. And you can ask all the questions you want about literally anything, I absolutely cherish and adore getting messages in my inbox and it's a actually a lot of fun to answer them -- so don't worry, it's never a bother to me or annoying in the least (but of course social anxiety will probably make us worry anyway Lol)

I really like your perspective on "weird people" actually being what makes the world interesting -- that's a nice way to think of it, and helps me feel better about it. And it's 100% true! Without weirdos like me, the world would be pretty bland and boring (personal opinion at least).

That means a lot to me that you think I'm cool and would want to be my friend if we ever met irl, especially since I have serious confidence issues and aren't used to being considered "cool" or "fun to be around/talk to".

I'd love to interact more too, if you're ever up to it (we can be socially crazy overthinkers together haha) I find so much of what you say to be so darn relatable, and it's kind of nice to know that I'm not the only one constantly overthinking anything (my brain is always on panic mode it's like brain why must you do this to me argh)

As someone who also has severe social anxiety (a fellow overthinker, in other words, as you probably already know so I don't know why I'm repeating it again Lol -- overthinking strikes again), I know firsthand how much it means when someone says "I'm comfortable talking to you", and I'm honored to be one of those people who is overall chill and approachable. It's hard to find those kind of people in the world, and I'm glad I can be one of them. I am perhaps the least judgmental person anyone will ever meet, so I try to create a safe space where people can ask me anything because I know what it's like to be pressured to be "socially correct" or "act normal".

After all, if we think about it, everyone is a bunch of crazy hyperactive squirrels on caffeine in their own unique ways. Long live the weirdos!

#socially awkward awesomeness

[ohlovxr]

ok u cannot judge me i read that one stepbro remus blurb (ur prolly gonna be able to recognize which one. thats all im sayinfg. i’m a whore i literally cannot stand myself. eep) but

idk i heard somebody say sumn about an older stepbro!matt who “accidentally” (maybe. maybe on purpose tho. open to interpretation) buries his cock balls deep in your ass when you’re fooling around one day. he’s behind you with your body pulled flush to his chest when you freeze and squeak under your breath— “matty— that’s— wrong hole.”

speaking from experience (a fr accident. that i handled like a champ bc i am a champ) if you’re relaxed and aware of the fact that you need to REMAIN relaxed it doesn’t hurt as much as it just feels really weird and big and overstimulating. As long as you’re not moving, you’re mostly fine, even with spit for lube and little prep. You’re squirming as much as you dare to-which isn’t very much— while matt holds you still, hands smoothing down your arms and tone dripping with concern, “Oh, jeez, I’m so sorry. I dunno if I can get it out, I mean, there’s no lube and you’re just so tight it’s gonna hurt both of us a whole lot :((((we’re gonna have to wait until you relax, baby.“. and hugs you tighter. n maybe that sounds not quite right, but matty’s older, he’s in grad school, so he prolly knows what he’s talking about, right? plus he’s fucked you thru 3 orgasms atp so your brain is swiss cheese. of course matty is right. he’s always right. always looking after you. N so you’re pretty much stuck there, in his lap, his mouth at your neck n his fingers rubbing little soothing circles around your puffy little clit as your hole flutters n clenches around him. it’s so hard to stay relaxed, especially when matty starts to grind his cock into your ass, careful to keep his movements shallow so he doesn’t tug at your poor stretched hole too much :(( and you whine n whimper at first but matt’s quick to tell you it’s fine, he’s just a little uncomfortable, ‘cause this hurts him too, after all, so wouldn’t you just try to relax already? and you’re trying real hard but every time his fingers brush your clit you can’t help the shiver that spasms through you, sharp like a shockwave up your spine, n you end up squeezing tight around his cock even as hard as you fight not to. Matty lets out this little rumble in the back of his throat each time you clench up like that but he keeps bullying your poor lil clit anyways, pinching n squeezing n rubbing at it until your pussy starts to drool n that uncomfy overstimulated feeling of his cock stretching your ass starts to give way to smth else. when he urges you back against his chest and kisses your neck from behind a fretful little moan slips out and you choke on a pleading matty, not exactly sure of what it is you’re even asking for. But matty’s good to you n he always knows what you need. “we’re gonna need lube if you can’t relax, sweetheart,” he whispers against your throat, his voice shallow and strangled as he grinds you against his cock and works your clit a little faster, breath hitching each time you clench down around him in response, “but don’t worry about that. i— oh, fuck— I think I got it covered.”. your head is spinning atp and your only coherent thoughts begin and end with matty n the feeling of his cock inside of u so it takes a second before u fully understand what he’s saying. and then he groans and tenses up and something warm and wet and hot floods ur insides and you clap your hand over your mouth—

“Oh my god, matt- what the hell?”

“sorry,” he replies, grinning, n even though you can’t see it his tone is vv much “not sorry” so you know precisely the shit eating grin he has on as he works his hands up under your thighs to lift you just a little, pulling out just a little and then pushing back in. anyway im literally blushing rn and cannot continue this bc im writhing n screaming n dying of shame. but basically ur big mad bc u didn’t get to cum :(( but that’s ok because now that matty’s got u all lubed up with his cum he can fuck u until ur shaking <3 i will see myself out. runs directly into traffic

STOOPPPPP GAAHHHHHH

…

when he can actually start thrusting into your little hole, he praises you with the MOST condescension, “good girl, sweetheart. taking my cock like a little champ.”

[arlathen]

anyway, like, final thoughts on book 3 . not that i expect that u care and i’m not much of a media critic. this is as much for me to sort out my thoughts as anything else.

i liked it! it’s definitely the weakest of the three books. and felt shorter? was it shorter?? i feel like books 1 and 2 took me FOREVER to play through, whereas i played through both of these like. on my breaks while at work. idk. i didn’t read as closely, granted.

far and away the weakest part was the plot -- or the antagonist, specifically. we got a lot of build-up with sin in the demo and kind of in the way the book was promoted, but he just didn’t feel... dangerous? textbook show dont tell ass stuff. UB tells us he’s dangerous but other than “hes strong and he can fly and UB can’t fight him” -- like, yknow? i think we needed to see him more thoroughly kick UB’s ass. and since all the other scenes with anwir are through sin’s pov, and we don’t see sin call him anwir, it felt like the “real” antagonist, like, wasn’t there.

oh and the hand-wavey “sin is doing this because of, uh, magic” -- but it’s *never* explained? i thought i missed it my first playthrough. i still think i missed it. this is the antagonist, dude! we have to have a coherent motivation for them.

also some... i don’t know whether to call it tonal or pacing problems. we’ve got this kind of urgent plot and it felt like sera kept going “okay, this is getting too plot heavy, let’s send the detective on a date” -- whereas in the other books the time spent with the LI felt more natural.

as of right now i played a nate-focused LT (i.e. i got the nate-date scenes when the choice was presented) and an adam route. i love the LT normally and probably would’ve liked it more if i’d split my time between adam and nate; the “detective goes with nate and adam looks at them sadly” didn’t give me the angst i wanted. 

i’ve seen some people complain about the A route moving too quickly, but. yeah i dunno this is on par with what i expected. we’re almost at the half-way point of the series and sera has been very clear that A’s route isn’t going to end book 7 with them admitting their feelings. we’re going to get substantial time being in a relationship with them. they spent two (and a half, really) books completely in denial. we’ll probably get a full confession and some sort of cautious relationship in book 4, and be in an actual relationship with them for the rest of the series.

sorry. oh my god this is not on topic. and maybe it’s because i read a lot of romance novels and am broadly very familiar with the genre because it’s my collection at work. but i feel like a lot of wayhaven fans have not gotten it into their heads that this is essentially a romance novel. like, it’s full of romance tropes. i’m familiar with the genre so my expectations are pretty much always in line with what ends up happening. but a lot of time i see people complaining about things and im like “thats......part of the genre. you wouldn’t complain about a fantasy book for having magic?”

anyway. i liked a’s route. the kiss scene was a lil melodramatic, but in a delightful way ;^) and picking N as your best friend in a’s route is just Peak. i love it.

oh, the whole chamber thing felt like padding. i wish there had been more to the meeting, or that the meeting had been cut. i hated that the detective didn’t have a lot of options to... like, take it seriously? like they’re portrayed as being super nervous leading up to it and then they fuck around inside the room itself and mouth off to the chamber members. i’m sure it’s meant to.... like, the chamber is going to be much more important later, so sera wanted to introduce them early and have the detective have met them so that it doesn’t seem like she pulled them out of nowhere when they’re important later on. but yeah, super weird bit. these people are flying in from all over the world to have a six minute conversation with you where they introduce themselves and possibly scold you for letting tina/verda find out about the supernatural. Why. this could have been an email.

ummmmmm the dinner date scenes were my favorite part. the house arrest dates were a little weird but enjoyable. i didn’t like that when you fuck up at the auction and have to make the choice between apprehending anwir and saving the captives, sin just captures him for you (or does he only do that if you were nice to him or smth? i haven’t done any code diving or extensive testing). there should’ve been consequences. sera wasn’t afraid to let murphy get away before.

i think that’s it. 6.5/10 stars. will probably play N’s solo route and will definitely play A’s route again. not as good as book 1, but i don’t think any of them will be. <3

[rescue-ram]

hello pleaseeee i need to know all ur thoughts on bunny/andrew i literally saw the one post u had on them yearsssss ago and i became so invested with the possibilities and i think ur the only other person who is also invested in it? literally every other person ive talked to about the charioteer doesn't get it like not really and theres no content dor ot out there zero nothing idk i think it has sm potential but ig no one else sees it (i think i might be kinda out of it rn bc im just realising this sounds a bit insane but god. i rlly do want to talk about andrew/bunny with wnother person)

Oh my GOD HELLO!!!

So fair warning I am going to go absolutely bananas at you because I have zero faith in my ability to be coherent about this ship, but PLEASE let me know your thoughts on Bunny/Andrew, they started as a laugh but now they're the OTP and I would love to know your thoughts

(Me explaining the layers of Bunny/Andrew)

So insane statement number one: what I love about Bunny and Andrew is how dialectical they are. Pure perfect yin yang of a couple, mirror images in every way.

While Ralph and Andrew are often described this way, I don't think that's entirely accurate- they are actually extremely similar characters, both physically (blonde, light eyed) and in bearing, both are 19 when Laurie first kisses them. But where Andrew is young and seemingly untouched by life's troubles (SEEMINGLY, he is very much touched), his clear eyed pragmatism becomes cynical pessimism in Ralph, who's been beaten, isolated, and damaged.

Where Andrew and Ralph are continuous, bleeding into each other in Laurie's narrative, Andrew and Bunny are polar opposites. Andrew is not consciously gay, pure, virtuous, honest to a fault. Bunny is overtly self-consciously gay, indulgent, gossipy, mean spirited, totally willing to fight dirty. If Andrew is untouchable, Bunny is getting his handprints all over him. And the way they come together!! Although Andrew and Laurie have kissed and begun to talk about things, it's Bunny storming up to Andrew and yelling "I FUCKED YOUR CRUSH WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT" that really makes it real, that brings blood into it. Andrew awakens to his sexual identity through his love for Laurie, but it's jealousy of "Ralph"/Bunny that pulls the trigger!

Just excerpting the part of Andrew's letter that deals directly with Bunny's interaction with him.

I want you to know it is true if he says that when I hit him it wasn’t even self-defense. There is a belief, which I expect he shares, that a pacifist who has behaved like this must see at once his ideas were wrong. I should have thought there could hardly be a better way of proving they were right. But if that were all I had to tell you, of course I could have written days ago.

...Well, about Ralph. He isn’t like I imagined, so I found it hard to picture you and him as great friends. When he told me it was much more than that, I felt—I don’t know a better way of expressing this—as if I’d had an anonymous letter. I got one once, after my Board. It is like something from another world, but it has touched you, and the touch is real. So then he said why did I pretend to be shocked when I was only jealous; and that was when I hit him.

He didn’t hit me back, he just laughed and walked off. He had a right to. I knew before he was even out of sight that there could be only one reason for what I did. What he had said about me was true. He wanted to see what I would do, I suppose, and I did what he expected. But it taught me something. The thing you want to kill is really in yourself. That is why people become cruel in war, because they are doing what I did.

Screaming, howling, recognition of the self through other, etc. Me fighting the sleepies to elaborate on these thoughts, that essentially come down to the lack of animus Andrew holds towards Bunny, despite everything, and the insight suggested here that Bunny's bad behavior is driven more by jealousy, fear, and loneliness then malice.

Anyway anyway ANYWAY the insane Andrew Epic I AM still working on it WILL be done one day has really come to focus on Bunny/Andrew in resolving what does it mean to be faithful?

Ok, so starting at the beginning of the outline- Andrew is working as a stretcher bearer in London during the Blitz. He runs into Bunny, who he still thinks is Ralph, and attempts to reconcile with him. Bunny is still bitter and heartbroken, and continues messing with him, ultimately culminating in Andrew losing his virginity in a very awkward hook up Andrew is wrestling with the very serious question I will purposefully phrase humorously, "How do I have gay sex in a god honoring way?" and Bunny is driven absolutely apoplectic by the perceived hypocrisy of this, and by Andrew continuously coming back to him no matter how catty he gets. As they start to build a real relationship, Bunny starts to realize he's in too deep and worries if he reveals he's not really Ralph Lanyon, Andrew will leave him.

There is a LOT of middle plot I have outlined and partially written- Andrew goes on the front lines with the ambulance service as he writes about and loses contact with Bunny for a time (Bunny gives him a whole song and dance about censors and military intelligence, rather than trying to explain why he can't address letters to Ralph Lanyon), they reconnect after the war and try and make a go of it, but it gets way to real and intense for Bunny, who gets skittish and walks out without telling Andrew anything. Andrew freaks out, fearing that "Ralph" has been arrested or killed, and encounters homophobia when he tries to file a missing person report on his "roommate". After talking with Dave, he goes to serve in a mission hospital in Kenya (fun facts, there are more Quakers in Kenya then anywhere else in the world, and I am actively debating how much to get into about the late colonial atrocities that occured there at this time period).

In 1950ish, Andrew once more runs into Bunny, and is so relieved to see him alive and well that it shocks Bunny, who assumed he'd be furious if they ever saw each other again. Bunny successfully dodges questions, continuing to pass himself off as Ralph- at first justifying it to himself by saying he doesn't want to ruin Andrew's relief or his memories, that he wants to let him down gently this time, etc, but he keeps putting off either breaking off with him or telling him the truth because he likes the escape from being himself, likes the way it feels to be loved by Andrew, tries to pretend he's not in love himself. Bunny is genuinely frustrated by Andrew's increasingly public role as a peace/nuclear disarmament activist, the potential scrutiny it could attract, the judgment he feels compared to Andrew's high moral standards, etc. Andrew is genuinely annoyed with "Ralph"'s caginess, his refusal to commit or meet Andrew's friends or introduce Andrew to his, etc.

In 1960, something genuinely bad happens to Bunny- he's outed in some way and is arrested/fired, I'm working out the details. He has nothing left but the half-life he's been maintaining with Andrew. At this point it comes to a head, and Andrew finds out the truth. He's initially completely broken by the news and is heartbroken and furious that the man he's been in love with for almost 20 years has never once told the truth, has never even told him his name... But then. The reframe. Andrew has always expected things from Bunny, but Bunny just wanted Andrew to be himself. Andrew has been living his own life, regardless of how it made Bunny feel, while Bunny willingly gave up his entire identity to be with Andrew. Is Andrew a hypocrite, or does he love Bunny unconditionally, regardless of who he is or what he's done? Who is really the faithful one, Andrew who has only ever had one lover, or Bunny who kept coming back, trusting in Andrew even though he had no reason to?

As Andrew tries to articulate this, Bunny things he's given his lover a nervous breakdown and sticks him in the bath with a glass of whiskey and calls Alec to calm him down.

At that point they're able to have a real, honest relationship. Andrew brings Bunny to the meeting and comes out- he gets disfellowshipped for his troubles, but takes it sanguinely because "God knows I love you." The notoriety he gets here puts him in touch with "like-minded" Quakers, I have a reconciliation between them, Ralph, and Laurie, it'll be cozy.

But yeah, these are all the thoughts about Bunny/Andrew I can gather tonight. Normal people project normal trauma onto their blorbos, I've got an unpublished word doc that is half gay sex half narrativized commentary on the Letter to the Romans 😂

But please please PLEASE let me know your own thoughts- the TLDR about all this blathering is I love the contrast between Andrew and Bunny, the potential for drama, and how Andrew in canon is most himself when faced with adversity and the natural challenges Bunny would bring would depend and mature his character, while I think Andrew could be an affectionate, patient lover who could be really good for Bunny's insecurities. What do you think could draw these two together??

(Also I headcanon Bunny's name is Barnaby Botts. Horrible name he refuses to go by, Barnaby shortens to Barney shortens to Bunny, AND I initially picked Barnaby just for the connection to Bunny but then I remembered if means the son of comfort or in Greek son of the Paraclete and the part of my brain responsible for drawing insane religious parables all over these two had a field day with that.)

[fisherrprince]

Did KHUX retcon what Vanitas is? because I thought he was the dark part of Ven but people have been telling me he isn't and I'm a bit confused on what Vanitas is now

hmmm, not necessarily. sorry for answering this ask before three others you know how brainworms work

youre going to get people who have different thoughts about this, and different conclusions drawn, but the important thing to remember is we do not have ANY conclusions that are solid. We are missing information. The… conclusions we think we’re drawing, the people making them are kinda in two categories? The ones who believe Nomura is retconning by nixing information, and the ones who think Nomura is retconning by mixing information together. I’m in the second category! A lot of people take Vanitas’ remind/khux? existence to mean he was never a part of Ven actually, and he’s just the piece of darkness ven absorbed. Therefore, upon reintegration into Ven’s heart, he remembers what he is and sets himself up to be hivemind goo darkness in the future. I would not blame them because that’s what it looks like

I like vanitas a lot though and I like to take as much information as I currently have and try to smash it into a coherent piece without destroying any of it, if possible. Idk if I’m right, but I pretend I am lol

so! My conclusion and the conclusion a lot of people aside from me have drawn first is that Vanitas is a darkness smoothie made out of khux darkness, ven’s darkness, and a piece of ven’s heart he’s made into his own. The khux Darkness that got absorbed was completely integrated into Ven, mingling with his own regular darkness but retaining that deep memory of being part of an ancient whole. Once Ven’s heart got broken, all of that darkness was bonded to the piece of his heart that broke off, creating A Person! A person who still feels like Ventus, but… definitely isn’t, and doesn’t have enough of a heart to stop this primordial piece of him from spawning monsters in reaction to the emotions it’s not supposed to have. this kind of sets him up to make a choice in the future, wether or not he’ll side with the Darkness he’s made of or the heart he’s harboring.

I take my sources from a couple places! Here’s one: Vanitas still thinks of Ven as part of him, even in Re:Mind (His death quote kills me its “I need… the rest of me…”). This could also point to the other interpretation where ven’s just been holding on to a little piece of that primordial darkness for funsies and that’s what Sora finds. He’s just finding this information out himself, he doesn’t KNOW much, he knows about as much as we do! I think he’s self-diagnosing as Darkness. Secondly the character files, which were written by a game scenario writer that Nomura works with and says This

And the KH3 novel which says This

and I’m pulling my hair out because THE MAJORITY OF INFORMATION ABOUT HIM IS NOT IN THE GAMES. and the information that isnt in the games stays consistent every time it’s written about, even from the bbs novel. I would LIKE to canonize them to everyone I WOULD but this is why people say that Vanitas is just that Darkness from khux it’s because the novels and character files wink at us and drive me up a wall

ITS BOTH IS WHAT IM SAYING.

[bpdpenguin]

hehe ✨️ 🎁 💛

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

someone bookmarked one of my fics with "anything you write is my favorite" which im unable to ever be normal about. i also really like all the comments on royal red & ocean blue chapter 5 bc it's such a fun chapter, someone thanked the inventors of snow, kendo, and thermal underwear, another person quoted 'you should be addicted to shutting the fuck up' which made me feel like i nailed the dynamic. and ofc the dream syncing comment section is full of gems and thank YOU specifically for calling it sexy i didn't know how it would land lol

i savor every comment. genuinely

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

uhhh so listen... idk about rymin but you can have some zukka. this is from the incomplete and very long rrob ch10 "the king of karaoke" a very (purposefully) awkward coming out scene:

Zuko scans the room and quirks a brow. "So this is your Ba Sing Se crowd?" There's a waver in his voice that belies his casual tone. Sokka follows his eye line to see what has him thrown off balance.

Zuko's looking at two girls making out at the foot of the stage, but drops his gaze when he realizes Sokka's followed in his direction.

Sokka's body stills, but he points a sharp glare at Zuko. "Yes," he says, voice dripping with challenge. "Is that an issue, your highness?" He doesn't care that it's factually inaccurate, he just wants Zuko to hear how much of an ass he's being.

Zuko blinks at him, then stumbles through a fervent, tipsy head shake. "No," he says as his cheeks color from more than just the alcohol. "I thought it might be for you, for some reason." He spins his pointer finger as if trying to rewinding time. "I don't know why, though. In retrospect," he adds with a nervous chuckle as he looks anywhere but at Sokka. He had been looking at Sokka the entire night, like he'd been Zuko's refuge in all this chaos, and the absence of his gaze is jarring. "Anyway..."

Zuko is interesting to be around. He's easy to read, most of the time, but where the emotions stem from is still a complicated puzzle Sokka has yet to piece together. He's got a competitive streak, at least where Sokka is concerned, as evidenced by them always trying to one-up each  other at banter or dumb games. And there's this feeling Sokka gets around him that he can’t place, electric yet gentle. It draws him in; it’s something to solve.

Sometimes, though. Sometimes he's just confusing.

"What?" Sokka asks. He wonders if they can ever have a clear conversation when liquor is involved.

“Sokka,” Zuko starts. Stops. He ruffles his hair, hides his head in his arms folded on the table, emerges again. He doesn’t quite meet Sokka’s eye. “I’m gay.”

“Oh,” Sokka says. His too-loud heartbeat is drowning out any coherent thoughts.

Zuko still isn’t looking at him.

“That’s awesome,” Sokka says. “I mean, that’s cool.” He wants to dunk his burning face in cold water. “Good for you.”

As he says it, Zuko is stumbling over his own words. “So I wasn’t, you know — I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, I get that now,” Sokka says. He recovers from his shock and remembers himself. “Thanks for telling me. I mean, for trusting me enough to tell me that. Yeah.” Okay, so not completely recovered, but still.

Zuko releases a long-held breath. When at last he returns Sokka’s gaze, the harsh red laser lights of the club are filtered to a soft pink in his amber irises. There’s a moment of acknowledgment before he blinks back down to where his fingers are tearing apart a napkin and he’s guarded again.

“I almost told you before,” he says. “At the festival.”

Sokka thinks back to that moment. He winces, remembering how much he had assumed — not only about Zuko, but about Mai, too. Sure, he’s accepting in theory. But in practice? Maybe he has a lot more to work out than he thinks.

“Shit,” Sokka says. “I’m so dumb.” This time he’s the one avoiding eye contact. “You were trying to tell me and I didn’t get it—”

“I backed out.”

“And I was just going on about girls. Not even thinking—”

“I thought you would hate me again.”

Sokka’s mouth and heart sputter to a stop.

“Not that I had any reason to think you’d have a problem with it,” Zuko says, waving it off and fumbling through his words before Sokka can respond. “Obviously you wouldn’t.” It doesn’t sound as confident as Zuko likely thinks he does. “It’s just… We had finally started talking. I thought it might be different enough to throw things off balance again.”

Zuko’s attention is devoted entirely to the bits of napkin in his grip. 

Sokka pushes past the dull pulse in his ears. “Hey. Zuko.”

Zuko glances back up.

Sokka’s reach is slow as he gauges Zuko’s reaction. With no sign of resistance, he places his hands on Zuko’s shoulders. Zuko relaxes at the touch, so Sokka treads further and pulls him into an uncertain hug. Almost immediately, nervousness shifts into warmth, until he's more comfortable in Zuko's arms than he'd been outside them. Sokka isn’t sure how long it lasts. He isn’t sure he cares.

“I like learning more about you,” he says as they draw apart.

Zuko’s light smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

i used to treat writing so preciously and i was pretentious about it, if i wasn't shakespeare then what was the point. i still have perfectionism issues, but at least i get stuck on WIPs i have actual words down on instead of consuming every writing tip video on youtube and fantasizing. i used to not write fanfic bc i wanted the first thing i ever wrote to be "the novel of my heart" or whatever the fuck. and if i DID write a fic i wanted it to be a big multichap cornerstone of the fandom, which is the mindset i started rrob in LMAO. i would wonder why i was so much better at drawing than writing when writing was what i really CARED about. im not afraid to doodle only for myself, im not afraid to abandon drawings, im not afraid to put pencil on paper and START. every time i apply that lesson to writing it helps, but it's still hard for me to keep in practice.

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

[suddenrundown]

Hi!! I just found your ‘come back and haunt me’ fic tag and am absolutely losing my mind about it 🤯🤯🤯 Anyway just wanted to let you know that I’m obsessed and also idk give you a space to share any latest ideas you have about it if you want

omg applejuiz hi…….im feeling perfectly normal about this ask, just as normal as I am about this au that lives rent free in my head. I wish it was paying rent. It certainly isn’t doing anything else useful up there lol. It’s just vibing!

There’s like one (1) semi coherent thought I can share though! I’m obsessed with Hardison in this au. You know the energy he brings to the pilot episode where he’s like “hey I just met you and this is crazy but I like you all So Much and think we should be friends so call me maybe”?.

It’s a little slower then that, but once the Dubenich job goes down completely wrong, Hardison’s terrified Eliot or Parker are gonna come back and kick his ass again or worse, so he makes it his mission to find them first, grabs footage off a security camera that had been close by and eventually gets a read on their location, which doesn’t help because they both move around so much.

So he’s got grainy photos of them just chilling on his computer, these two people just staring back at him and giving him the creeps late into the night until finally he gets up to go to sleep. He has what he thinks is a nightmare of the two of them coming for him, but he’s not the least bit scared in the dream, even though they both look just as rough as they did the last time he saw them.

Instead, he’s comforted, happy even?? Especially when he hears a voice echoing “smartest man I’ve ever known” and another saying “change together”…and he rests easy that night.

When he wakes in the morning, the face shots are still there on his computer. nothing has changed about them, except for the way he feels looking at them now. he doesn’t really know why he does it, but he goes into a folder on his computer and starts digging around, and with a few clicks he pulls up a different picture and sticks it between the other two.

His search for them gets a little more focused after that, because he suddenly wants to find them for a different reason. He has to figure out why their pictures suddenly fill him with warmth instead of cold fear, and why his picture between theirs feels right.

(and if he makes that his screensaver for some reason, no one has to know but him)

[space-city-traffic]

trying to sort out my many, complicated, painful, love-full feelings that samsketchbook’s art provokes in me….. this is not analysis of their brilliant work but rather of my own brain and personal response to it, so don’t take it very seriously. ramblings under the cut, without much coherence or grammar, meant mostly just for my own satisfaction:

i think part of it is being chronically ill. for no reason, i am here and it hurts and my existence is wrong and not what it should be. i am malformed for this life and my existence hurts and yet…... idk how to put it that doesn’t sound trite but. hm. the little freaks understand my pain and bear it in the extreme. and they exist too. it’s a world in which i don’t feel freakish—i don’t feel i would have to explain myself—i feel just another part of this alternate ecosystem—I feel unremarkable and at home. we are all in pain by merely existing in a way that shouldn’t be, and that’s boilerplate, and we can then move on to consider ideas like comfort and lostness and sensation and creativity and love, and how they operate in such a world as ours

part of it also has to be the ocd. the relentless thoughts that something went wrong with me before i even began, that im something freakish and no one can know, that I shouldn’t exist in this good world with normal people and things. it’s exhausting to combat that by denying it, insisting I am good I am human I am a part of the sunlit world. these little freaks simply say “we are not human either, we too are bulging bags of guts and disgust. and we are.” again it comes to the fact that freakishness is boilerplate, it’s not something that has to be argued about or accepted or explained, it’s a foregone conclusion. the conversation now is about what it’s like. what walking through your pain is like. what finding comfort in the presence of others is like. what birthdays are like. what chewing on something soft is like. it doesn’t try to deny or combat the misshapen freakishness, it just keeps living.

and I think frankly even if the chronic illness and ocd wasn’t there, these sculptures would still hit. because I think Aristotle and all those fuckers weren’t right, man isn’t the paragon of animals, we aren’t fearfully and wonderfully made. we’re all awkward and painful and ill suited to our environments and yet we are. not saints or monsters, just wounded mutated animals living our lives. simple creatures. we know pain and there are also exquisite pleasures for us. neither is good or bad or avoidable or optional. you do not call a worm evil for crawling nor do you call it brave. maybe you do. maybe it’s brave. but it’s simple and it’s alive and there’s a pure kind of goodness in that, not an ethical one but an ontological one. humans are just little animals whose guts are showing. we’re all in pain. we’re all shown kindness. we keep on walkin’. that’s not a commendation to humanity for the valiant act of persisting. it’s an observation of something in our nature, in the nature of everything, that we just do without trying or being able to help it. we keep on walkin’. huh. we sure do. neat.

miscellaneous thoughts: the creatures are always shown kindness. / little softness “still hurts but did not die or kill or die or kill or die”. it’s not a moral figure, it’s not good or bad, it’s just an animal in pain. but it was shown kindness, the hard edges became “bread soft” upon meeting its surface. / creamthing does not tend to dwell upon the bleeding, and it isn’t threatened by it. pain is just a part of its experience. experiences are neutral. / little softness expected to be torn for the greater good and then it wasn’t and it had to figure out what to do with the unexpected pain and the unexpected life and the unexpected neutrality. hits me right in the exvangelical religious trauma. i did not die or kill or die or kill or die. i was not told that this world would hold me bread soft. i was not told that I could be okay. / after all of this, the creatures are still mysterious to me. i still don’t think I’ve fully understood why they trouble and compel me in such complex and deep and primal ways. but I’ve had a few thoughts.

[kiss4kazu]

ooh! can i request something spicy?? maybe headcanons of claude, dimitri, and felix’s kinks?

spicy hcs | dimitri, felix, claude

this is combo between just kink hcs and also how first times being freaky w these three go hahhahahahhahah screams. this is not safe for kiddos so proceed with caution folks 

felix <3 

whew, okay. sweats. um 

so the first time u and felix do the do was definitely not planned. things tend to escalate a lot with felix when it comes to intimacy. pecks goodnight lead up to make out sessions and all of a sudden his hand is down your pants and you’re honestly not complaining. 

felix is definitely more of a giver than a receiver, not because he liked giving, but because he liked being in control. he liked seeing you writhe beneath him and all that jazz. 

he’d definitely deny you from reaching your high multiple times, partially to draw out the activity since you tend to come quite quickly beneath his touch but also because hearing you whine his name helplessly was a really big fucking turn on and he always swelled with pride knowing he was the only person who can turn you into a sobbing mess. 

felix has 2 moods. his soft and pliant types of fucking, and his arrogant, i’m big bad felix fraldarius and my cock is 30inches long type of fucking. he knows hes hot, he knows he has a pretty dick, might as well utilize it.

he hates praise when it’s ingenuine, for things intangible that he hadn’t earned himself. when it’s people praising him for his title or the power of a fraldarius battalion. 

but praise when it comes from you? when it’s you letting him know just how amazing he feels inside of you, how with every thrust of his hips your brain short-circuits and your eyes water with unspilled tears? when it’s you not being able to even form coherent words anymore because felix fraldarius is throbbing inside of you... yeah, that kind of praise. it does wonders for him and his dick. 

he’s also into hair-pulling

and overstimulation

hes also rly rly easily jealous like if someone else was making eyes with you or perhaps you were giggling a little too loudly with some handsome noble he’d just yank you away and march u up the stairs to his dormitory before kissing you hard 

he’s the type to make u beg and be rly possessive he’d just fuck you so ruthlessly hair stuck to his skin, panting “you’re mine. mine. say it” and u would just cry bc why tf he so sexy hello-

as mentioned in my kissing post, felix sucks the life out of you when he kisses you so it’s only logical that he fucks the life out of you too.  

im kidding ofc!! not rly

although he’s on the giving end of things, it’s still completely self-indulgent, felix gets off just knowing he’s getting you off because he’s a sexy narcissist like that. 

but on some days, he really really wanted you to know he cared a lot about you. 

felix isn’t the best with words, but he was really good with his tongue, so things usually worked out okay. he’d kiss you, everywhere. every inch of you, leaving hickeys in even the most visible places because who fucking cares. you were his, he needed you to know that. he needed everyone to know that. 

he can be sensitive sometimes too, make love, if you will. 

he has to be rly emotional tho, so it’s probably after something eventful happens in his life. like when the kingdom takes back fhirdiad, or wins the war. or when he’s sleepy and tired and wakes up hard and is just too lazy to put on his big bad scary persona. 

sleepy felix is submissive felix, aka my favorite felix. sleepy horny felix is all whiny and blushy and just wanted to come and he absolutely despised himself for it

you were well aware of how much he hated himself for being soft and needy, but that made teasing him all the more fun.

so yes, some nights felix would fuck you brainless and soak in the sound of your voice crying out his name helplessly. but on other nights, felix would lay down, his hair splayed against the pillow, your fingers twirling his locks and tugging gently as your other hand jerked him off, lips pressed against his as you breathed in his whines and grunts.

hearing him whine was a really rare sight, but it did slip out occasionally, when you squeezed the base of his member unexpectedly or when you took him deep into your throat and swallowed around him. felix really likes fucking your mouth. 

yeah felix is an emotionally constipated sex god 

claude ! 

whew lord. 

ok so claude, my sweet, cheeky, little shit <3 

the first time probs wasnt even intentional with him either he was just teasing you a little too much and things got a bit carried away but it’s a great time nonetheless

doing the do with claude is probably a rollercoaster ride, he would literally never shut up and would just say the most stupid things and you’d hate yourself for still being so desperate for his touch because somehow in between his terrible jokes and merciless teasing he whispered complete filth into your ears.

he’s a master of dirty talk, chuckling against the shell of your ear at the sound of you choking out a sob at his words, tugging at your earlobe just to spur you on even further. 

“don’t tell me you’re clocking out already?” you’d just glare at him in frustration despite your flushed cheeks and he’d kiss you on the tip of your nose and laugh in amusement at your misery 

he’ll literally do everything but fuck you, covering every inch of your skin in love bites, especially your chest. he’d literally eat you out or suck you off until you were dizzy but if you want him inside of you, he’d definitely make you beg. 

if you ever tried to get smart with him… um, he’d uh .. p-punish you 

not like in a pain kink type of way he’d just pull out right before you could nut and would laugh maniacally in your face afterwards because that’s what you get for being a smart ass ! denying u from coming is basically how he punishes u so its a pretty long night but claude’s really really good with his tongue so you’re guaranteed to come like 3 times at minimum anyways

he’d devour you, all smirks and with eyes filled with mirth and he wouldn’t give in until you were absolutely wrecked under him. 

he’s very um… dominant, i would say

but not an aggressive dom, definitely a playful dom who enjoys edging and teasing a bit too much 

he’s also pretty experimental, i can see claude as a bit of an exhibitionist also, he’d probably fuck you in the cathedral just for shits and giggles 

but he is human and despite how much of  a little shit claude is he’s just as wrecked as you he’s just much better at hiding it 

he’d probs quit the teasing once he himself can’t handle it anymore

and wow uh thats when claude gets all sensual 

when claude’s kind of in overdrive and completely uncoordinated just messily thrusting over and over again to finally get you both to that place thats when he becomes all romantic and lovey 

would compliment you to no amounts end, call you all sorts of pet names like honey, sweetheart, baby, etc. 

his messy curls would stick to his skin, his forehead pressed firmly against yours, verdant eyes blown wide maintaining eye contact with you just for that extra level of intimacy because watching you when you’re like this really drives him over the edge. 

he’d pant against your lips, kiss you roughly and somehow find it in himself to even let out an amused laugh because he’s having sex and that’s kind of funny for some reason

claude’s pull-out game probably a1 but idk he’s possessive in less conventional ways so i feel like he’d  get off to the thought of releasing inside you and watching him drip down your thighs bc yea

claude is also the king of aftercare let it be known

he’d have so much energy after sex for some reason like he’d just hop right up clean your bodies, fetch you tea if you wanted some and curl up with you resting on his chest, running his fingers over the skin of your arms tenderly and smiling softly to himself when exhaustion takes over you and you slip into a warm slumber against his chest. 

i love him bye

dima 

ok so dimi is a busy busy boy and even when he does have free time he’s never entirely there his mind is always kind of somewhere else u know 

he’s always struggled w getting a proper night's rest and always overworks himself into hysteria

so, as his lovely s/o, you presume a nice session to destress will help loosen those knots in his muscles and all that chaos whirring around in his mind

you were thinking a nice trip to the sauna or something

but dimi had other ideas 

 he’d just look at you and his gaze would darken all of a sudden and with just a glance at him you already feel the wind being knocked out of you 

it would be rly sudden, like dimitri’s just rly needy all of a sudden and he’s taking whatever you’ll give rly he has so much pent up stress and needs some form of release and he’s so so emotional and touchy and won’t stop kissing you with so much fervor and desperation

dimi is 1000% a lovemaker im sorry u cannot convince me otherwise. unless he is feral. if he is feral then understandable have a good day. 

he’s all about pampering and kissing every inch of you and asks every five minutes is this okay? are you comfortable? does that hurt? are you sure? because he’s terrible with fragile things and if he ever hurt you he’d never forgive himself poor baby

part of you just wants to grab his face and say !!! im fine !!! you big idiot !! but you just pull him to your chest and nuzzle your face into his neck and breathe him in deeply, kissing his jaw gently before reassuring him i’m fine dimi, stop worrying 

he’d calm down instantly and focus back on the task at hand, pleasuring the love of his life hehe

BODY WORSHIPPING non stop praises just kissing everywhere his lips come across you’d love it but hate it at the same time bc part of you just wants him in u already and the other half of u is just so so enamoured by him and feels so warm and loved and appreciated

he’s more of a giver than a receiver as well though for opposite reasons compared to felix, he worries about your comfort so much to the extent where it distracts him from his own pleasure, and it isn’t until he’s inside of you that he remembers and is like oh wow fuck and yea things dont usually last very long for him since he always neglects his own pleasure in favor of yours. he gets so focused on making u feel good because he loves you so much and he needs you to know that so yeah he doesn’t remember to even touch himself lmao 

you’d probably come like twice before dimi even whips his schlong out 

at the peak of his pleasure tho dimi gets kinda rough ngl. he’s a person whos very emotionally driven so when everything gets to be a bit too much he’s just slamming into you with so much force your skin stings, grip so tight on your hips there’s sure to be bruises in the morning but despite how rough he is his eyes are nothing but gentle and so so loving 

probably says something like oh seiros when he’s about to come LMAOOO 

dimi is also a king with aftercare but he’d probably knock out like a log afterwards and it’d be like the best sleep he’d get tbh all warm and satiated and just content

dimi sex god 

[pumpkinpaix]

Hey, something I’ve been wondering since I first watched CQL: in ep 5, there’s a line where Wen Qing is talking to Wen Ning and says something like ‘Our family has been doctors for centuries, but I can’t cure my own brother’ (that’s verbatim from the US Netflix subtitles) and I’ve always wondered about that word, ‘cure’. As someone who lives with mental illness, I’m a little sensitive to the idea of a mental affliction being ‘cured,’ as though it’s a malady to be remedied, as though there’s something ‘wrong’ that can be ‘fixed’. The word ‘cure’ brings up all that discomfort for me, but I only know English, and I’m curious to know how accurate the concept of a ‘cure’ is to the actual conversation taking place there? I think a lot about the way neurodivergence is discussed in CQL, and I don’t want to misjudge connotation based on translation error.

hi there! so this ask is *checks* a month old yikes, but i’ve been thinking about it for a long time so here we go (finally)! :D

so here’s the scene in question:

[ID: two screenshots from episode 5 of the untamed. wen qing is speaking to wen ning. the subtitles read ‘我却治不了自己弟弟的病’ and ‘but i can’t cure my own brother’. /end ID]

with regards to your grammar/language question: 治 can mean both “to treat” and “to cure”. there are certain sentence constructions that can make it clear which it is, but not all of them do so.

for example, 治好 is definitely ‘to cure’ - the grammar there is [VERB + 好] can mean either “to finish VERBing” or “to VERB well”. so, to finish treating = to cure.

however, in this case, that’s not the construction that’s being used, and I would say it’s not clear-cut. “VERB + 不了” is “to be unable to VERB”. because 治 is ambiguous on its own, what she says here, “我却治不了自己弟弟的病”, comes down to “but I am unable to treat/cure my own younger brother’s illness”.

what I think is maybe a more complicated issue is the idea of mental illness and/or neurodivergence in CQL and how understandings of it impact our perceptions of the characters/narrative.

I’ve seen a lot of interpretations of Wen Ning’s affliction in CQL to be neurodivergence, but I’m actually quite surprised when I hear this. i believe the illness wen qing and wei wuxian refer to when talking about wen ning is his susceptibility/weakness towards resentful/yin energy, which manifests in fainting spells and long bouts of unconsciousness. to me, that is not analogous to mental illness or neurodivergence so much as something like epileptic episodes brought on by exposure to specific triggers. by CQL canon, we know that he has not always had this -- he contracted the illness after his encounter with the guanyin statue that sucked away part of his soul when he was a child, and this now gives him a weak constitution and makes him largely unsuitable for night hunting, especially unsupervised. this is what wen qing is trying to treat and/or cure. in mdzs, he does not have this condition, and wen qing never mentions anything about trying to treat or cure him at all.

given that this condition is most likely a creation for the sake of getting around censors at least in part (basically: a way to create a reason for why wen ning isn’t “dead” -- in addition, probably was also meant to increase wen sibs screentime/sympathy), I’ve always seen it as a bit of a handwavy physical condition that was tacked on as opposed to an actual statement about his character, if that makes sense.

in general, I’m hesitant to outright assign labels of neurodivergence or mental illness to mdzs/cql characters because I think that labels like that are inherently societally and culturally dependent. with the rise of identity politic rhetoric in the US and all of that kind of getting tangled up with our conceptions of being ND or mentally ill, I worry about trying to analyze mdzs/cql through such a lens because identities are so inextricably tied to environment. even if both i and a character could be “diagnosed” with the same condition, I think it would be undeniable that our experiences of such would be very different because we come from different cultural backgrounds. not just, chinese author vs american reader but like, fantastical xianxia chinese conception of a character vs chinese-american conception of identity.

alskdjfl idk if this even makes sense, but!! basically, I actually don’t think that CQL discusses or really portrays neurodivergence at all, not in such terms. I think it’s completely appropriate and valid to headcanon and interpret characters in ways that resonate with you! i certainly do, lol (morally scrupulous twin jades anyone? :D 🥃), but im nervous about asserting that any CQL characters actually are/have xyz condition because I don’t think that a discussion on that front is particularly meaningful. I know that this hesitance comes both from my own views on what neurodivergence/mental illness mean and how useful those terms actually are, and also from a very personal anger over some moral injunctions that I’ve seen people place on portraying characters’ “real” or “coded” mental states that are seriously misguided, harmful, and extremely culturally american in their claims (that will probably be a separate post though lol).

that isn’t to say there isn’t value in thinking about how one can interpret characters in one way or another, or that there isn’t value in discussing how unintentionally, a character might fall into archetypes that evoke certain identities and how that subtext might or might not impact a person’s experience or takeaway from the media! but I think all of that has to be contextualized as opposed to generalized. /o\

this.... came out a lot less coherent than i wanted it to be, but my brain is Not having it for some reason. I hope that I at least managed to answer your question/help you along in your continuing thought process!!! :D

(ko-fi)

[darlington-v]

oh my god

enderboo really is just fucking ranboo. oh my god moss's ask made me want to work more on that drabble, and i started writing it differently than the way i had written him before because i had envisioned enderboo as obviously more alert and aware because i thought for a while that he had all his memories before it was confirmed.

however the issue i had was imagining how this transition would work and what causes him to forget and how the switch happens.

and maybe i'm late to the party, because i've always known it shouldn't be a solid switch but i didn't know how exactly???

however i don't think its a sudden shift!!!

i think ranboo doesn't like SUDDENLY get all his memories back and knows he has shifted states

i think they may just???? creep in?? which is why the "enderwalk state" has tried to put in safe guards for himself, because he knows he's forgetting shit because he can remember the actions he's made and his line of thinking.

but the issue is that when he forgets... he forgets!! he didn't know he put those safeguards in place.

IDK

I FEEL LIKE WHEN I SAY THIS LIKE. IT SOUNDS LIKE OH YEAH SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE ALREADY KNOWN THAT

AND I PROBABLY SHOULD

BUT LIKE.... UNDERSTANDING IT AS RANBOO WILL HAVE POINTS IN TIME WHERE HIS MEMORIES SMOOTHLY JUST COME BACK, RATHER THAN A SUDDEN SWITCH, MAKES A LOT MORE SENSE TO ME

RATHER THAN LIKE STILL FRAMING IT AS TWO DIFFERENT MINDFRAMES

BECAUSE IT'S REALLY NOT EVEN THAT!!!!

I FEEL SO STUPID AHSFKJHDSKFJASD

for clarity, i used to write that ranboo would lose consciousness before entering the enderwalk state, because i feel like it was at one point FRAMED that he would lose consciousness.

HOWEVER. I THINK THE FRAMING WAS A RED HERRING.

I THINK HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS AT ALL, RANBOO CUTS STREAM BECAUSE THATS IT-- END SCENE THAT'S ALL THE AUDIENCE GETS TO SEE. AND FRAMING IT AS LOSING CONSCIOUSNESS CAN THROW US FURTHER OFF OUR TRAIL.

I REALLY THINK INSTEAD OF LOSING CONSCIOUSNESS, HE ENTERS ANOTHER LEVEL OF AWARENESS WHERE HE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING. WHERE HE FINALLY HAS ACCESS TO HIS MEMORIES.

IT CAN EXPLAIN WHY IT HAPPENS WHEN HE GETS SO SCARED AND WHEN HE GETS HURT.

IT'S LIKE BEING SCARED AWAKE!!! THE ENDERWALK ISN'T THE RANBOO OFF STREAM, IT'S THE RANBOO ON STREAM.

AND I THINK WE'VE ALL KNOWN THAT BUT IDK IT'S MAKING A LOT MORE SENSE TO ME NOW.

LIKE IF THE ENDERWALK IS RANBOO IN A FORM OF SLEEP, THEN IT WOULD MAKE SENSE WHY HE ENTERS THE DIFFERENT STATE WHEN HE IS HURT OR BADLY STARTLED!!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!

OH MY GOD.

additional things that i just dont feel like formatting coherently:

i think ranboo just gains access to his memories, theres not a real like solid line whenever he gets them back. he just has access to them again, it's not a solid switch. it's just oh right. and then eventually he forgets once more. i think there are plenty of things ranboo on screen actually does on some instinctual level rather than knowing why. the reason why is locked behind some form of mental block.

if any of that makes sense i cannot really explain it well at all and i feel like im not doing a good job at it.

TLDR;

i think the transition between enderwalk is a lot more smooth than some (like myself previously) may have envisioned it to be, and i think that the enderwalk is actually ranboo on stream while the ranboo off stream is... not that state.

(this is a baby theory post, if u wanna discuss i kinda just wanna discuss in the forms of building off of it, not in having to like defend my stance or whatever)