#idk i guess because i’ve been a little more open about my life off the internet recently i’ve been a little paranoid

[gortashshairytits]

Gonna put this out there:

Yes, I am an adult. Yes, I have two young children. I actually just had a baby two months ago.

But your hobbies don’t go away once you become a mother or a certain age. I am a lot busier, yes, but whenever I get the time, I enjoy coming on here, interacting with y’all, and thirsting over characters with you. That’s something I’ve done for years now, and I still enjoy it, so I don’t intend to stop anytime soon.

My family is well taken care of, that’s all you need to know. Their needs come first. I get shit done. And when I have time, I obsess over video games/anime.

If you have a problem with that, unfollow me/block me right now. I won’t tolerate any shaming.

[dollfacefantasy]

Just Like the Movies

pairing: leon kennedy x fem!reader

summary: your boyfriend dons the ghostface mask to let you live out a fantasy

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, fingering, cnc, praise/degradation, knife play, predator/prey dynamic (he chases her idk what to call it), dacryphilia, voyeurism mentions

word count: 3.4k

a/n: i wanted to write at least one spooky thing for halloween and i love scream so here you go. i'm working on requests i promise, i just wanted to get this out before october ends. as always, thank you for the comments and reblogs <3

tags: @sleepyluxe @kaitkatme @tosuckmyweenis @pupthepokemonenthusiast @bizzarethirst @death-paint @petitecolibri @iron-toxinz ghostface photo used in the header is from @/oikizumi on pinterest!

An old scary movie plays on the television as you relax on the couch after a hard week. You had a soft blanket draped over you and a bowl of popcorn in your lap. The missing piece was your boyfriend. You were just waiting for him to come home and join you for your little makeshift marathon.

You casually watch the movie while lifting handfuls of popcorn to your mouth. You had seen this one before so it wasn’t scaring you, but it was entertaining enough to pass the time with until Leon returned to you.

It was getting to be that time of evening when he usually came marching through the door, tired from work but still with open arms for you to slide into. He hadn’t come home yet though. As you’re wondering where your lover could be, your phone begins to ring.

You sit up and grab it from the table in front of you.

No caller ID.

You raise your eyebrows at the strange nature of that. Assuming it’s a scam call though, you leave it be. However, the phone rings again. You actively decline the call this time. You place your phone down again, hoping that would be the end.

It wasn’t though because not even a minute later, your phone vibrates again.

You reach for the device and see a text message pop up on your lock screen.

‘Don’t ignore me, pretty girl.’

That piques your curiosity. When the phone rings again, you click the answer button and bring it to your ear.

“Hello?” you say.

“Finally, she answers the phone,” a smooth, predatory voice teases.

“Who is this?” you ask.

“Oh c’mon, you don’t wanna ruin the fun already, do you babydoll?” he purrs.

“Well, what do you want?” you ask. The cadence of the voice was familiar, but the actual sound of it, you couldn’t place. It didn’t sound like anyone you knew in real life.

“To talk to you. I guess you could say I’m kind of lonely,” he says with mock sadness.

“Aw, well I’m not, so bye,” you say and hang up the phone. As you begin to place that voice and the cadence behind it, Leon’s late arrival makes sense. You had disclosed this little fantasy to him recently. And it seemed like he had got the modulator to sound just like the movie for you.

Not even ten seconds go by before the phone rings again. An excited chill comes over you as you lift it and accept the call.

“Hello?”

“Why’d you hang up on me, angel? That’s not very nice of you,” he taunts, “You doing something better right now?”

“Mhm,” you hum.

“Yeah? What’s so important that you can’t spare a few moments of your precious time?”

“I’m about to watch some scary movies,” you say, a smile spreading on your face. You sit up on the couch more as you feel where this conversation is going.

“Scary movies? I like scary movies,” he says, “Tell me, do you have a favorite?”

“I like Scream. You ever seen that one?” you say teasingly.

“I’m familiar,” he says, “That one’s not really scary though. I bet I could give you more of a thrill.”

“Mm, maybe. But sadly for you, my boyfriend will be home soon.”

“Boyfriend? That’s a shame,” he says, his voice becoming a hint darker.

“I’m sure it is. Anyways, I should be going…” you trail off knowingly.

“C’mon, blondie can wait a few more minutes.”

“Blonde,” you repeat slowly, feigning fear, “How do you know he’s blonde?”

“I’ve been watching you for a while, baby. Had to make sure everything would be perfect tonight,” he says with a low laugh, “Let’s just say that we have plenty of time now.”

“Why are you doing this? Who are you?” you say, cranking up the fear in your voice. You stand up from the couch and walk to a window to see if you can spot him outside.

“That doesn’t matter, sweetheart. Plus, I thought girls liked the whole man of mystery thing,” he chuckles, “You’re honestly telling me this doesn’t turn you on?”

“It doesn’t!” you say defensively.

“Are you sure about that?” he breathes, “When I cut those slutty little shorts off you, I’m not gonna find a messy cunt crying for me to fill her?”

“No…” you say, your cheeks heating up while arousal pools in your belly.

“You don’t sound so sure,” he teases, “Y’know, I think I can see your nipples getting hard under that thin shirt all the way from here.”

You quickly step away from the window, a shiver shooting up your spine. You bite your lip. “Please don’t hurt me,” you whimper.

His cruel laugh crackles through the phone. “I wanna hear you cry like that when you’re cumming all over my cock.”

Every word tumbling from his lips stoked the flames of desire within you. Your veins were coursing with a primal need at this point.

“I’m gonna call the police,” you say. Your voice was breathy in what could be interpreted as terror, but in reality, it was pure lust.

“Do you think that would stop me?” he rasps into the phone, “Because, we both know I would get to you before the operator could even take your address. But let’s say you did get through. I can be quick, doll. Take what’s mine and have that tight pussy full of my cum with time to spare.”

You shift your thighs and look for the smallest semblance of friction as he lays this out to you.

“By the time any cop did get here, all they would find is a pathetic little mess, lying on the ground all fucked out and bred, a dumb smile on that pretty face.”

The tiniest whine escapes your throat from that mental image. You wonder if he heard it, but the throaty chuckle on the other end answers your question.

“You dirty fucking whore. You love this. You wanna be pinned down and used until your sweet mind is broken and completely cock drunk.”

“No, I don’t,” you say, trying to keep up the act of defiance even though your desire was palpable in your voice.

“Well, too bad. But I’ll be generous, little one. I’m telling you that I’m coming in now. A little head start if you’re smart,” he says, “You better not waste my fucking time. Give me a good chase, or I’m not gonna be nice when I catch you. Find out if your insides are as pretty as the outside.”

You hang up the phone. Your body was on fire with a mix of adrenaline and arousal. You scamper through the house into another room, wondering what to even start with. Your thoughts are cut off when you hear the back door slide open.

Your pulse thunders in your ears. You move quietly across the room you’re in, peering through the doorway back into the living room. You see him. That tall and fit body donned in a tight black t-shirt and pants. He wears black leather boots on his feet. A large hunting knife is strapped to his belt. His head is covered, and when he turns, your heart seizes at the sight of the ghostface mask.

He catches a glimpse of you through the cracked door and starts toward you. You zoom through the other door in the room, maneuvering quickly around furniture and stray clutter. Then, you loop back to the open back door. You can hear him clambering through the hall behind you. Primal fear courses through you, instinctually telling every cell in your body to run.

“Where do you think you’re going, sugar?” you hear the voice modulator crackle.

Moving through the sliding door, you dart across the backyard. The grass was wet against your feet since you didn’t have the time to grab a pair of shoes. You fumble with the gate, your hands shaking from the adrenaline coursing through you. You try to shut it behind you to delay him, but he’s already so close.

You continue sprinting into the woods behind your home. The area surrounding you was dark. It was cold out too. Your skin had broken out into goosebumps, your thin shirt and shorts not providing much warmth, and your bare feet only exacerbating the feeling.

There were trees everywhere, and it felt like there were things hiding within the dense woodland. The whole time you focused on not running into a tree, you could hear him behind you. His breathing was heavier, but it was clear he was exerting minimal effort.

You jump over overgrown roots and duck under stray branches. Despite running for a bit, you still weren’t too deep in the woods. You shoot a look behind you, trying to see if you were any closer to losing him than before. He’s just as close, and in the midst of your attempted glance, your foot catches on a rock. You cry out and tumble to the ground. Skin scrapes against the dirt and rocks beneath you.

He slows his pace to a simple walk, pulling the hunting knife from the sheath. The wide blade shimmers in the pale moonlight. He holds it up and drags a gloved fist over the silver, just like in the movies. Another, low laugh breaks through the speaker of the modulator.

“Too easy, princess,” he taunts, “Get up and keep running.”

Your eyes widen and blood rushes to the lower region of your body at the command. You stumble to your feet and stagger away. Your foot aches a little from the rock and the fall, but you continue in earnest.

He lets you go on for a while longer. Occasionally, he would intentionally fall behind, giving you the illusion that you could outrun him. But also filling you with the dread that you would be out in those woods alone.

Soon enough, he’s had enough of the chase. He speeds up and hooks his arms around your waist. He pulls you to the ground in a swift motion, whipping around your body so quickly that you could barely see it. He’s got one of his knees holding your dominant arm down while a hand holds the knife to your throat. You squirm and whimper under him, causing him to shake his head and make a noise of mock disappointment.

“Poor baby. You did all you could, didn’t you?” he coos menacingly, leaning down closer to your face, “Look at you. Out of breath, heart beating out of your chest. You tried so hard.”

He brings the knife up to your cheek and drags the tip across, not cutting you but letting you feel the cool metal on your soft skin. You whine and scrunch your face in discomfort, eliciting a cruel laugh from him. He drops the knife nearby and shakes his head.

“Not a fan of knives, sweet thing? Too scary?”

Next, you try recoiling from his touch, but he’s caging your body on the ground. The damp dirt presses against your back and smears on his clothing as he wrestles with you to keep you in place. Again, you can see how little effort it takes for him to keep you down. The display of strength has your heart beating harder with lust.

“Keep fighting me, little one. It’s my favorite part,” he breathes before shifting on top of you and roughly flipping you over.

Now, squirming only rubs your face into the soil beneath you. In this position, you can feel his hard cock against your ass. He reaches over for the knife again and brings it to the base of your spine. He uses his knee to hold down your arm again, so he can pull your skimpy top taut and slice through it with ease.

He handles you like a ragdoll and yanks it off. The knife falls to the ground again as he reaches around your body with both gloved hands to knead your breasts. You whimper at the harsh squeezes and rolls of his fingers. His face is right next to your head, and you can hear his ragged breathing under the mask.

He pinches and teases your nipples, your noises now becoming obviously pleasurable. A hand slides into your hair and grips the roots as he shoves your face to the ground. Your cheek is smooshed on the cool surface, and your lips part as your own breathing picks up. Your hips are still squirming, but now only to try and feel some friction with his dick.

“There we go. Such a little slut. Didn’t take much for you to give in. You know this is where you belong. Beneath me, stuffed full of my cock,” he groans.

His hands glide down your body, pulling your hips into place. He tugs your shorts and panties down to your knees, humming in satisfaction when he sees your dripping cunt. Two leather-covered fingers slide through your slick. They circle your puffy clit, drawing mewls from your throat. The fingers then dip inside you and pump in and out a few times. Your body shudders at the sensation.

“So fucking wet. You like this even more than I thought. So sick baby. My twisted little doll,” he teases.

He plants his free hand on the back of your neck and digs his fingers into the side of your throat. His other hand continues working your aching pussy, adding in another finger to your needy hole. You choke out a few moans as your breathing becomes more like panting.

“All this for just my fingers? Can’t imagine how you’re gonna cry on my cock. Maybe scream for me a few times,” he purrs.

After a bit more, he pulls his fingers out of your pussy, shushing you when you whine in protest. You hear the sound of a zipper and the rustle of fabric being adjusted. It isn’t long before you feel the heat of his cock prodding your entrance. You shift your hips back, taking the tip in.

He grunts and his breath hitches as you clamp down on the sensitive head. Once he regains his composure, he slams his hips forward, sheathing himself fully inside you with one thrust. You cry out and claw the dirt beneath you.

“You wanna be an impatient little bitch, I’m not gonna be gentle with you. If you’re so fucking needy that you can’t wait two seconds for my dick, I’ll treat you like the cockslut you are, sweetheart,” he says before beginning to rock his hips back and forth.

He finds a rhythm with ease. One of his hands gives your ass a few firm smacks while his other hand returns to your head to pull on your hair. The noise of your skin connecting sounds through the woods along with your whining. His grip on your hair is like a vise. The mild sting of the pull mixed with the rush of pleasure from him drilling into you brings some tears to your eyes.

“That’s right, fucking take it. This is what you were made for, sweet girl. Your body knows it,” he grunts as your walls flutter around him.

He smacks your ass again while getting more erratic with his thrusts. The hand in your hair returns to your hip to give him more leverage. His digits dig into your skin to the point of potential bruises. You whimper and moan, your head becoming cloudy while he stretches you out.

His quiet moans hit your ears and make your stomach erupt with butterflies. You tighten around his shaft. You were starting to work up a sweat despite the cool temperature of the air around you. You shudder and twitch, only causing him to hold you tighter.

Your back arches as more sinful noises pour from your lips. A particular thrust snaps something in you and breaks the dam that was holding in your tears. It felt like he was stroking deeper than ever before, and you just couldn’t hold it in. Warm drops stream from your eyes while your whimpering grows louder and less controlled.

“Are you crying, little love?” he coos, but you can hear the smirk in his voice. He starts rubbing your back with even, soothing strokes without stopping his thrusts, “Cry it out, sweetheart. It just feels too good, doesn’t it?”

“Y-yeah,” you whimper with a weak nod.

“Yes it does. I know, baby,” he says condescendingly. His gloved hand continues caressing your back while he snaps in and out. You grow louder still, whining and moaning through tears.

“Someone’s gonna hear you, doll,” he teases. Your cheeks warm with embarrassment, but you’re past the point of being able to control your volume. “You’d probably get off on that though, you little freak.”

“N-no,” you stutter out in an attempt to defend yourself, but you’re cut off by your own gasps of pleasure.

“No? You wouldn’t cum on the spot if someone saw you like this? Taking my cock like the good little whore you are. Crying cause it’s just too much for you.”

You shake your head as best you can while being pressed against the ground. Your pussy clenches around him though from the description alone.

“Sure,” he chuckles before grunting, “Someone could be watching right now. It’s so fucking dark out here you wouldn’t even know.”

You can’t hide the thrill that gives you. A loud cry tears through you and your hips squirm within his grasp, trying to get you to that peak.

“Yeah, I know you like that,” he growls, leaning down and encasing you with his arms. The new angle lets him piston himself even deeper within you.

He keeps grinding himself into you as you both feel the coils of release getting closer to snapping. One of his arms snakes around your head, his bicep curling around your neck. The plastic front of the ghostface mask presses into the side of your head. He’s grunting and moaning into your ear, bringing you right to the edge.

“I feel it coming, honey. Let it go. Cream on my cock, baby girl. Give it all to me,” he mumbles.

With no reason to hold back, you let your release explode. You writhe in his hold, gasping and crying as euphoria floods your being. You bite your lip and tilt your head back to nuzzle and sloppily kiss at the mask.

He’s not far behind you. A few thrusts later, he’s draining himself in you, filling your insides with hot and sticky cum. His hips sputter and the mask becomes misaligned on his head as the two of you press against each other.

You’re both panting in the end. Leon pulls out and rolls off of you, landing on the ground next to you. You don’t move from your place in the dirt and just look over at him. He tugs off the mask and drops it near the knife. For the first time tonight, you see his charming smile and sweet eyes, a sharp contrast to the performance he just put on. He leans over and gives you a soft kiss as he adjusts the rest of his clothing.

You still don’t move from your position. He sits up and rubs your back again. His hands massage the muscles there for a moment before trailing down your leg. He gently lifts your foot and kisses your ankle.

“Your foot ok, baby?” he asks while rubbing your thigh. Even after all that, he hadn’t forgotten your fall earlier.

“Mhm,” you hum with a nod.

“Ok, good,” he says. 

He starts to help you roll over so you can get up. He smiles at you, brushing some dirt off your cheek.

“Let’s get you home so we can shower,” he says and helps you pull your shorts back on as you sit up. He kisses your temple a few times and strokes your hair, “Then we can cuddle and watch some scary movies.”

That makes you crack a smile, and you kiss his lips.

“Let’s get home quick. It’s cold out here, and I don’t have a shirt anymore thanks to you,” you tease.

You rise to your feet and lean on him for support. He picks up the knife and mask as well as the scrap of cloth that was once your top. He offers it to you with a sheepish smile. You roll your eyes and shake your head.

“Guess, you’ll just have to stay close then,” he says and tucks you under his arm. He kisses the crown of your head before you two start walking back through the woods to your home together.

[moonchild9350]

Your Sweet Angel

Summary: Your days are long, you’re a mess, your mind all over the place. But things can change with the help of an angel, a light in your dark life.

Pairing: fantasy au Felix x fab reader

Genre: smut 18+MDNI

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: dubcon I guess? I mean consent is given eventually ha. Coercion, nipple play, p in v penetration, creampie (don’t), mystical being?, stalkish. Let me know if I missed anythingl

Notes: idk where this came from lol. The thoughts that run through my mind late at night when I should be sleeping. I just had to write it down lol. This is lightly edited so please excuse any typos!

If you like let me know! Likes, comments, reblog always appreciated ♡

Please do not copy, translate, modify, use, or repost this work elsewhere without my permission. ©moonchild9350 (2024)

It was a difficult day, from the moment your day began. You overslept, the traffic caused your head to hurt, your coworkers testing your patience. Yeah, it’s definitely been a tough day.

To clear your mind you decided to take a walk, breathing in the cool, night air, the moon shining brightly in the sky, the stars illuminating your path. You walked and walked, humming a random song to yourself, your hands in your pockets.

Before you knew it, you found yourself at the park, darkness settling in, with the glow of the lamps providing a soft light. You decided to walk through, safety be damned, you didn’t care about anything at this point.

You made your way along the path, your mind clearing more and more with each step. However, about half way through, you heard a voice. The voice was singing, the song ethereal in the night air.

Looking up you saw a man sitting on the ledge of one of the walls lining the pathway. He was gorgeous, angelic almost in the lightening. He seemed to be swaying with the music only he could hear. You looked closer and noticed his eyes were closed, a soft smile spread across his face.

You stepped up to him and just watched and listened, enjoying his voice and the serenity of the moment. Eventually the song must have finished, because he stopped swaying and opened his eyes, the dark orbs finding yours in the darkness

He smiled, the action traveling to his eyes, as he beckoned you forward with his tiny hands. You shouldn’t go near him, the alarms in your head going off, but you couldn’t help it. You slowly made your way to the mysterious man, stopping before him.

You were able to take in his face more and how beautiful was it. His eyes looked up at you with such softness, freckles littering his face.

“Hi, I’m Felix,” the man said.

You were nervous, your voice stuck in your throat. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. You blushed in embarrassment, your eyes falling to your feet. Why were you still here? You were definitely ignoring all thoughts of stranger danger, but you couldn’t move. It felt like you were under a spell.

“Don’t be shy,” Felix said, flashing his soft smile again.

“I’m…I’m y/n.”

“Hi y/n,” he said. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

At his words you looked up, confusion on your face.

“You’ve been waiting for me?” You asked, cocking your head to the side.

“Mmhmm, I have.” Felix said. “And now you’re here. Let’s go, we have no time to waste, time is running out.”

You were confused by his words. Time is running out? What does that mean? However, you didn't get no other explanation. Instead, Felix reached out his hand to you, beckoning you to take it.

You hesitated for a moment, but after a few moments, felt calm, and took his hand in yours. Felix smiled his warm smile once more and gave your hand a squeeze. You blinked and before you knew it, you were in a different location.

You were shocked so to say. You were just at the park, outside at that, but now you were in a little room. Startled you looked around, taking in your surroundings. You noticed there was a soft light bathing the room, not enough to light the whole space, but enough to see your way around.

There was a bed in the middle of the room, the sheets seeming inviting and warm. Felix watched your every move, taking in your beauty. He has been waiting for you and here you are, in the flesh.

You saw Felix step to you in the corner of your eyes, a calming sensation falling over you. Felix brushed his hand across your cheek, his fingers light and delicate on your skin.

“Let’s go to bed love,” he said, his voice deeper than it had been.

You nodded your head, following the strange man to the bed. He looked you in the eyes and smiled before gently pushing you back, causing you to lay down. You sighed as the soft sheets hit your back, the feeling heavenly.

Looking above you, you watched as Felix hovered above you before leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips. You were shocked at first before you relaxed, more of that calming sensation washing over you.

You met his lips again and again, his soft lips molding perfectly with yours. Before you knew it you had your hands wrapped around his neck, pulling the strange man ever closer to you.

He grinned against your lips. “Let me take care of you love. I’ve been waiting so long for this moment.”

You nodded your head yes, wanting…no needing more of this man. You pressed your lips against his in one moment and the next you felt his warm skin against yours, as both his and your clothes were gone.

That shocked you a little, a question forming on your lips. Felix seemed to see your internal struggle and pulled you closer, as he pressed more sweet kisses along your cheek, your jaw, and moving down to your chest.

Your question was forgotten as you felt his warm mouth wrap around your nipple. You cried out as he licked and nipped the sensitive bud as he gently caressed your other breast. Your pleasure felt heightened more than usual, causing you to cry out, your slick gushing out of your pussy.

Felix was happy, listening to your cries of pleasure, happy he could satisfy you. He’s waited so long after all, carefully watching you, waiting for the perfect moment. He couldn’t wait, not a moment more.

You felt Felix shift, as he sat up and parted your legs wider, spreading them so he could see you better. He smiled down at you, his freckles dancing with each pull of skin, making him seem more beautiful then ever.

“Ready love?” He asked, grabbing his cock in his hands, stroking the hard member.

You gulped, unsure of when he became naked, his beautiful body bared for your viewing pleasure. You nodded your head without thought, your body seeming to work on autopilot.

Felix grinned before pushing his cock into your warm walls, stretching you out with each inch. You gasped at the sensation, never feeling more full in your life. You moaned in pleasure as he rocked against you, his hair falling onto his face, obscuring his beautiful features.

You reached up as he thrust into you, brushing his hair out of the way and grasping his face. You stared into his eyes as he brought you to ecstasy, his cock hitting all the right spots within you. You took in every expression, every detail of the man above you, watching as his eyebrows scrunched up with each thrust, his grunts getting more pronounced as time went on.

Little did you know, Felix was taking you in as well. He was lost in your eyes, the pleasure evident as he felt your walls wrap around his cock again and again. He reveled in your embrace, your hands delicately gripping his face. He could look at you forever, your beauty unmatched to anyone he’s come across. He wanted to make sure you felt his love, his undying love for you…even if you had no clue who is was.

As Felix continued to thrust into you, you felt a change, a subtle change. You felt a warm feeling deep within your belly. It steadily grew as moments passed, spreading to your thighs and down to your toes. Each thrust of Felix’s cock, the appendage kissing your cervix, caused your body to tingle.

Felix locked eyes with you and opened his mouth to speak. “Cum for me love, become mine.”

You let out a loud moan at his words, the warm feeling intensifying, causing your ears to ring and vision go white. Your pussy clenched around his cock, your walls fluttering as you ride out your high.

Felix was enamored with you, the sight before him everything he’s dreamed of. He let go, his warm cum painting your walls white, filling you to the brim. He leaned down to kiss you, his lips lingering on yours for a few more moments.

“Thank you love,” Felix whispered as he withdrew his now softened cock.

You felt sleepy, your eyes growing heavy as you laid bare before him, his cum seeping from your walls and onto the sheets. You couldn’t keep you eyes open, as you drifted off, the last sight you saw was Felix gazing down at you lovingly…and with a hint of sadness?

You couldn’t think, not anymore as you succumbed to sleep, your mind empty as you slumbered.

“Until next time love,” Felix said.

He knew you couldn’t hear him. He didn’t want you to, so he made sure you were calm enough to fall asleep into a deep slumber. He placed one last kiss on your forehead vowing to find you again.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

You woke with a start, your eyes wide as you set up in bed. You looked around in confusion. You were back in your room, tucked into your bed, wearing your favorite pajamas.

But wait…that can’t be right. You were with a man…right? And definitely not here in your room. Where was the man? Didn’t you sleep with him? What was his name again?

You tried hard to remember last night, but nothing came to you, your mind fuzzy. Maybe it was a dream. Yeah, definitely a dream you thought.

You got ready for the day as usual, hoping today would be better. As you made your way to work, you hummed a little song. You’d heard it recently, someone else singing it at first. You’re not sure where you heard it, but it stuck in you.

As you hummed and pulled into the parking lot, you felt calm all of a sudden. Your mind was quiet, the thoughts that usually crowd it at this time of day gone. You didn’t complain though, happy for the quiet. You walked to the doors of the building and opened them, making your way to your office.

You didn’t see the man, watching you from afar, keeping his distance. He smiled as he saw you happily walk into work. He was happy he finally was able to meet you, to be with you. Now that you’re in his grasp, he isn’t letting you go. Your his just as much as he’s yours.

He’ll visit you again, it won’t be long. Now that he has a taste of you, he can’t stay away. But that’s for another day. With the breeze of the wind, the trees swaying around him, the man disappeared, into thin air. Maybe one day he’ll get to reveal his true self to you, but until then he’ll keep visiting you, making sure you’re happy with every day that passes.

Taglist: @jehhskz @jeonginsleftcheek @simpforleeknaur @armystay89 @palindrome969 @ivydoesit23 @amarecerasus @kaysungshine @fun-fanfics @baby-stay92

[epiicaricacy-arts]

oh we’re still so young, desperate for attention

this was super experimental so i will talk about my process (+ clearer version) under the cut

i’ve been looking at a lot of “messier” or more textured painting styles recently and an artist that stuck out to me is clariondeluna ! they posted a self-portrait recently that i really liked and i was super interested in the brushwork seen in their work. i love all the textures and how the shapes feel so loose yet everything is so detailed.

that’s not a method for me at all!!!! i cannot paint like that at all and the stuff i like to paint is very different to theirs. which is okay!!!! i had no intention to copy this artists style so closely like with what i tried to do in my raiden painting, i just wanted to try this style out :^)

it’s been a goal of mine to avoid over-rendering like i tend to do a lot, and i think i’ve been doing good with that recently! the mindset i’ve got going on right now is that if i find myself staring at it too hard for too long, i have to leave it and move on. if there’s still something wrong with it, i can fix it later once ive got a fresh view!

i’ve been trying a lot of things with my art this year. i always try to challenge myself with each piece, and to end the year off i wanted to be as uncomfortable as i possibly could be with this painting. i let myself draw whatever i wanted because i still wanted to enjoy it, but everything i did in this process was new, including parts of the subject matter.

i’ve never drawn a head at an angle like this, and i struggle with drawing mouths open. i don’t do bold lighting like this, and if i do, it’s not fire. i’ve never drawn fire! i also rarely work with warm colours and i hate using green, so i combined those to be my colour palette. i like working cleanly so instead of having a dozen different layers for one section, each section only had 1-2 layers for rendering. instead of clipping masks i would simply paint over things loosely and clean it up later. i never like having limbs cut off in a drawing so i had his other arm go GOD knows where. i don’t like weird patterned backgrounds so i made myself figure out how to like it!

IS THIS MY FAVOURITE PIECE OF ALL TIME. no. absolutely not. but i’m very proud of how this came out with all the challenges i put on myself. i WANTED to get better at these things and be more broad with my art, both in terms of the styles and subjects i portray.

okay let’s talk about wtf this drawing is

for those who don’t know, the design in this painting is my fatui/“Father” lyney fan design (read the design post here). the concept isnt super complicated and i don’t really have much explanation for it, but i wanted to combine the story of how lyney wanted a delusion before getting his vision, fire eating circus acts and how olympic medalists will bite their medal to prove it’s real??? don’t quote me on that i’m like 75% sure that’s a thing that happens. i don’t watch sports though so im just believing someone i heard on the internet ages ago.

anyways. i think fire eating acts are cool. and i think the fact that lyney wanted a delusion is very interesting to me. scratches my brain in the right places. and yk as a magician lyneys character revolves a lot around fooling people and creating illusions so i guess what im saying here is that lyney is trying to prove to himself that this power he’s been bestowed is real. bc his whole life his only constant has been lynette so he is trying to see if he can trust this new power. cause i guess this is an alternate universe where lyney does eventually become “Father” but he never got his vision ??? idk im not making lore for this i just wanted to dress up this funny little guy.

ok i’m done

thanks for reading

here’s my dog

[roryslut]

goth and metal prt 1-eurory x f!reader (use of y/n)

brothers best friend‼️ (euro is 19 in a high school type band, reader is a senior) idk how norwegian school works sorry

warnings‼️ smut, drinking and drugs, making out, ass slapping, fingering, oral f!receiving, p in v, gagging, creampie, the L-word, a meer couple sentences that have just a wee bit of degration and exibitionism

(this is based off sum random pic i saw on here and my love for my bauhaus vinyls and obsession w my set up 💪)

thank you all for being so sweet frrr, i’ve been an anonymous rory lover and all of these fics are from the archive of my notes app over the past few months :)

Y/N is jan axels sister who doesn’t listen to much metal music, she’s more into gothic music. her brother had two friends he started a band with, she only knew the guitarist, oystein, since he was jan’s friend for a while. she stayed upstairs most of the time but around 9 she got sick of all the noise and decided to go downstairs.

As she approached the basement the music grew louder. she opened the door and the music stopped, all of their eyes hit her, making her feel a little embarrassed in her sleep shorts and a sweater.

“jan, can you keep it down or like, idk go somewhere else becuase i am just trying to have some peace of mind…”

the other members looked at jan who said “yeah, yeah we are almost done.”

“thank you” Y/N said leaving and going back upstairs.

“you really let your little sister boss you around like that?” oystein asked, he was a long time family friend and he knew Y/N for a while. they were friends when they were younger but he just kind of changed. “she’s not bossing me around, i just respect her, i mean, she usually is tolerant when we practice at my place.”

oystein looked pretended to be offended “what do you mean tolerant? she should be moved by my amazing guitar skill.” the bassist snickered, “in your dreams” jan replied, making oystein blush a little and the chuckles to grow louder.

oystein sighed and set down his guitar, “im getting a drink,” he states plainly before running up the stairs. he goes to the fridge and retrieves a cold glass of beer. when he closes the fridge door he finally noticed Y/N is also in the kitchen. she is reaching up high to grab a mug from the top shelf but she couldn’t seem to reach it. the sweater she was wearing rode up on her torso, exposing her flat stomach and thin waist which contrasted her full behind, the shorts hugging them well, leaving little room for the imagination. oystein shuttered, he couldn’t tell if it was because he was seeing his childhood best friends little sister all grown up, or because he was overflowing with desire. he will admit it, he has longed for her for at least a decade but nothing ever came of it. she was out of his league and off limits because of her brother, they had hung out a lot as friends but,

(a/n: idk why but when i wrote this i made the back story from euros first person, idk just imagine culkin like narrating idek, good luck.)

“i knew jan protected her with his life. one day when jan and i were in our last year of secondary school, about to graduate, i actually told him how i was feeling. that was unusual to say the least, we didn’t put our emotions into words very often. i told him how i wanted to ask his sister to the prom and how she had caught my eye in the past. he seemed suspicious and hesitant but eventually got the idea and gave me his blessing. i went to the store to get flowers, but they were sold out, i didn’t want to spend gas going to a different store so I just went home. but after that i lost hope, i never went to get the flowers or ask Y/N to prom, i guess i got caught up in the senior work and eventually i graduated, and now i only see her when im at jan’s.”

(okay it’s over, back to third person <3)

he pulled his eyes away and searched for a bottle opener but couldn’t seem to find one anywhere. he held the bottle up to Y/N and she nodded, she swiftly grabbed a spoon. oystein had his hand by the cap and had the bottle set on the table so she swiftly held his hand in place with one hand and with the other, used the spoon to open the bottle. oystein flinched and shook his hand, Y/N laughed, “it didn’t hurt that bad! and look your bottle is open,” oystein just smiled a little, and Y/N almost melted, his smile was beautiful but he never wore it. “you should smile more.” she she stated facing him. oysteins smile dropped almost immediately but the blush stayed on his cheeks and he reddened as Y/N inched closer to his face.

“you look nice when you smile,” she says, beaming and brushing a stand of his hair behind his ear smoothly. she walked away, giving oystein a second to breathe and hide the massive boner inside his pants. Y/N had abandoned the mug and grabbed a beer bottle from the fridge and opened it. “aren’t you too young to drink, Y/N?” oystein asked, he was 19 but not that new to alcohol. “no” she replied, “well, yes and no…” she said taking a hearty sip. “how old are you these days?” oystein asked slyly, Y/N replied with her honest age, “i’m graduating in a couple months.” “wow, you are mature beyond your years…” oystein states, smiling. “maybe you are just behind,” Y/N laughs and then drinks more. they are both about halfway done but the weather was kind of nice out. it was a summer dusk so Y/N and oystein went outside to finish beers and while they were out there, oystein couldn’t help but retrieve a rolled blunt from his pocket.

Y/N was a little nervous because they think smoking weed with someone is very vulnerable but they agreed to oystein and they smoked the joint. “i’ve always wanted to do this with you…” oystein admits, “do what?” she laughs, “idk, smoking together, drinking, talking, anything… i’ve always wanted to know you better.” she looks down, “i wanted to know you to, but you always seemed to push me away when i got to close, you never opened up to me after middle school you know…” oystein feels devastated a little hurt hearing this, he keeps smoking. “i’m so sorry if i made you feel unappreciated, Y/N. i really liked you, like really really liked you,” he chuckles. “i promise,” she smiles, still looking down, “really?” she asks. he goes on, “really! you know i was going to ask you to my prom last year, gosh i remember like it was yesterday. i asked your brother for his permission, it was the scariest shit i’ve ever done. and i was going to ask you but the store was sold out of flowers and i guess i just psyched myself out…” he admits, kind of laughing at the story.

Y/N is surprised since he never talks about his feelings this deeply. “wow, i never knew. why did you get psyched out?”

“i don’t know, you were almost two years younger than me but i was a nobody at that school. you were pretty and had good friends and were nice to everyone. i figured another lucky guy had already asked you, i wouldn’t want it make it weird.”

“wow, oystein i wish you told me, i would have gone with you.” Y/N said, he was kind of in disbelief at that.

Y/N smokes the blunt and smiles, content with oysteins confession, “i forgive you, cheers…” she says and holds up the bottle, “cheers to what?” oystein questions. “cheers to confession…” she laughs and they clink the bottles. “i confess that i really liked you too, well before you slammed the door on your emotions… but i know the oystein i knew is still in there.” Y/N says, seriously, almost in a stern tone. oystein was frozen for a moments time but in that moment he felt like he had gained the wisdom of centuries.

oystein finished the blunt and tossed it, and that quickly he grabbed her jaw and pressed his lips to hers for their long awaited kiss. their lips locked together, so perfectly they thought they would get stuck and never pull away. oystein even ran his tounge over her lips, meeting her in the middle when she got brave enough to try a french kiss. she was a little hesitant kissing someone she had known for so long, it almost felt wrong, but also so so right. her hands tangled in his wild hair and he held the back of her neck, his other hand subconsciously creeping up Y/N’s soft thighs.

after another moment which seemed like centuries, they pulled away catching their breath. they began to arrange their clothes and hair back to normal. “oystein?” Y/N asks, “yes?” “does this mean… that you still you know, like me?” oystein blushes “what makes you think that??” he states quickly. “well, you just kissed me like your in love, and… it’s just- also, i could see your boner the whole time.” Y/N admits, oystein was flustered but they laughed it off, his icy eyes locked on hers and he promised-not said, promised, “the second I laid eyes on you I was yours, yes, Y/N, I do like you.” she smiled and put herself in his arms, “good, i like guys who like me…” and then they both started laughing in each others arms like they used to.

“i have to get back,” oystein says getting up and holding the door back into the house open for Y/N but they eventually speak, “have fun with your death metal,” Y/N says, “its black metal, norwegian black metal…” oystein says smiling, “either way, my bauhaus vinyl is easier on the ears.” she smiles. “well maybe i’ll come up to your chamber and we can listen to it together, how does that sound?” he asks, she responds quickly, “grood… i meant to say great and good, i’m sorry i-.” he had already walked away thinking about how was he going to get rid of this raging boner.

later in the night, the guys had packed up their things, oystein was the last to leave, “hey do you want to stick around and watch a movie or something?” jan asked oystein, “umm, no” he remembered he promised he would go to his sisters room, “sorry man i’m just tired, see you.” and oystein quickly left with his guitar case and pretended to be going out the door but in reality he went to the next floor and knocked on Y/N’s door.

she had been waiting patiently for oystein to come upstairs and when he knocked she started the bauhaus vinyl, hoping he would be impressed with her music taste.

when Y/N opened the door oysteins jaw dropped, she had changed from her pajamas and into a lacey black top and thong that was covered by a sheer robe, tied around her small waist. he couldn’t believe it, she looked so different, so beautiful and enticing, he didn’t know what to say.

“does jan know you are here?” Y/N questioned, oystein shook his head, still in disbelief, “um- can i come in?”

she let him in and he sat on the end of her bed which also was the best place to listen to the vinyl. “do you like it?” Y/N asks. “yes” oystein says smiling, he puts his hands on her waist and begins to inch upwards towards the lacey bra, his hands still over the robe. “i think it’s really sexy…” oystein says continuing, “no,” Y/N laughs taking his hands in her own and interlocking them. “i meant the vinyl, oystein.”

oystein blushed from embarrassment and arousal, “oh- yes that’s really good too.” he nods. she laughs.

she leans into him and their lips meet, his hands returning to her body as the kiss intensified. she reached under his shirt, he felt electrified when she touched his skin and peeled his shirt over his head, quickly reattaching their lips.

the gothic music blasted through the speakers, him still sitting on the bed, she backed away and he bathed in all her glory. she gave him a small tease, untieing the robe and slowly peeling it off her body, revealing her smooth pale skin that shined in the moonlight flowing through the window. the black lingerie contrasted her complexion and he had a sudden urge to strip it off her.

oystein stood from the bed quickly, pulling her in for another kiss, rubbing his large ringed fingers up and down her torso, he reached behind her back and unclipped the bra, letting out a sigh. he pulled it off her, staring for a second at her chest before grabbing her in his hands and fondling her breasts in his hands. “you are so beautiful, god you have no idea what this does to me.”

Y/N moaned at his words which only encouraged him, he latched to her neck and slurped at it like a vampire, letting his teeth graze her soft skin before sucking a hickey onto her throat. “sorry babe, your brother might get mad about that…”

she sighed, “forget about him.” she said, running her hands into his hair. he moved his lips down her body to her chest and began to suckle and kiss her breasts, Y/N continued moaning as she held his face to her, he bit down a little on her nipple causing her to flinch a little and pull oystein by the hair, but he just let out a low moan and the vibrations ran from his teeth to her bud, making her pussy wetter every second. she had to hold on to the desk so she wouldn’t collapse right there.

he got down to his knees, leaving a trail of kisses down her torso. his ringed fingers pulled down her thong effortlessly. he stared at her, but then slid his finger through the folds and penetrated her hole. Y/N let out a lewd noise but oystein didn’t stop, he kept fingering her, making her moan harder and her legs feel like jelly. oystein placed a hard smack on her asscheek and then brought his lips to the clit, kissing and then sucking on it. she felt close already. “oystein!! i’m gonna- please i’m going to cum”

oystein was suprised that she was going to cum this fast but her pussy leaked all over his hand and he lapped the juices up with his tounge. he stood up and pulled her into a kiss, her cum mingling between their lips, and right then, she came on his fingers- hard, his hand was still on her ass and it held her up since her knees had completely buckled under her.

oystein took down his pants and boxers swiftly, Y/N was suprised at his length, “oystein, that won’t fit!” “i’ll be careful baby” he replies. while he took his pants off Y/N flipped the vinyl which is very important. then he was ready. he took her by the waist and pressed her back to his chest, his hard member pressed between her legs, precum was oozing from the tip of his cock. oystein sat back in the bed, right between the speakers and set Y/N on top of him, spreading her legs. “are you ready?” oystein asks gruffly in her ear, nibbling at the lobe. she nodded and he groaned and his cock twitched between her legs so she wasted no time and grabbed it. she pumped it a few times, lubing it with pre cum and her pussy juices. then she pushed him into her, his cock filled her to the brim. “oh my god,” she muttered, he continued pushing in, inch by inch. she didn’t know if she could take the feeling at first. oystein wrapped his arm around Y/N and grabbed her tit roughly, he began moving her up and down his length. “you are doing so good.” oystein praised as he began to speed up, pounding into her messy cunt. she began to moan louder, over come by the feeling. “let me hear you,” oystein says, “they can’t hear you over the music, unless you want them to you little slut.” he laughs, “yeah, i bet you would like that, if your brother came up here and walked in on his best friend pounding his innocent little virgin sister.” Y/N couldn’t respond more than pornographic moans. “i’m-im” she utters, “oystein, cum-“ she speaks and has and orgasm on oysteins cock. he reaches his other hand around her and puts his fingers deep in her throat, pulling her down on him roughly. she was gagged and fucked into oblivion, his hand squeezing her chest. her moans echoing louding through the room with bauhaus music.

oystein finished inside her, he grunted and spurted cum though her. she was oozing and when he pulled out she sighed roughly and let cum drip and bubble from her hole. oystein left a harsh slap on her ass, almost squeezing it like he was milking her pussy. the whole time serenading her with compliments and love that he had for her. “you did so good, baby, god if i knew that pussy was so good i would have gotten it in grade school.” kissing her neck.

then he left, getting a washcloth from her bathroom to clean them. he got dressed and she pulled on the robe, “are you leaving?” Y/N asks, “i’m sorry- i thought that’s what you wanted, i mean, i would have to leave early tomorrow.” oystein responds. “that’s okay,” Y/N says, “do you want to spend the night?”

oystein couldn’t believe it, it’s not like he had never slept over in the house before, he had hundreds of times, but never in your bed. he nodded and got into the bed. they kissed a couple times before he pushed her hair back and stated, “i love you,” it seemed early but they really did love eachother, and they had for years. she blushed and tried to cover her smile with her hand. “i love you, too, oystein, i never stopped once.” she states, cuddling up into oysteins chest and falling asleep.

(prt 2 here)

[heartstringsduet]

Happy Wednesday 🥰 Been writing this fic for the last few days and trying not to THINK at all while I do...is that a good idea? idk but it makes me hate my writing less and have a little fun. can you believe I would write Michelle into a fic. thanks for the tags @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @paperstorm

@thisbuildinghasfeelings @whatsintheboxmh @honeybee-taskforce

Carlos wonders what bad blood lived between them but with how defensive TK seems and how Judd has become more reactionary since the explosion, he can see how they’re matches lighting each others oils. Michelle confirms as much as she delicately picks at his focaccia with two fingers.

“I mostly keep out of firefighter business, but these two are constantly at each other’s throats," she says. "Honestly? It makes me want to shake them and tell them that there are more important things in life.”

Carlos knows not to go further into what Michelle is implying, because they will inevitably talk about Iris’ missing soon enough and the longer he can prolong that topic trying to tip the shield off what he smoothed over, the better.

“Really? Who starts these fights?”

Michelle pops an olive into her mouth and chews. “Not sure but if I were to guess, it’s the captain’s son. He’s been a bit of a seesaw.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“One day he is super open and friendly, joking with everyone, except maybe Juddie, the next he snaps at everyone and takes his lunch out to eat alone. My office is opposite his father’s and I hear him heave a sigh multiple times a day because of his son.” Michelle’s sharp eyes narrow. “Why the interest?”

Turns out, Carlos liked it better when she stuck to talking about herself. “Just asking.”

She hums and leans back into his couch. “I saw you dance with him at the honkytonk. And I’ve known you since you were still squeaky-voiced and hadn’t even reached my shoulders yet. God, your mop of curls was cute, you wear it too short now.” He moxes away before she can tug at his short strands. Her grin grows, then grows smaller. “You had your moon eyes out when you spun him around. But Carlos, he--”

“I know he has a boyfriend.” It still burns on the way up. Great.

Her mouth falls open. “You do?” OPEN TAG &

@welcometololaland @rmd-writes @liminalmemories21

@freneticfloetry @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @birdclowns

@strandnreyes @reyesstrand @eclectic-sassycoweyes

@thebumblecee @goodways @carlos-in-glasses

@carlos-tk @lightningboltreader @sznofthesticks

@lemonlyman-dotcom @ladytessa74 @decafdino

@louis-ii-reyes-strand @kiwichaeng @safeaswrites

@theghostofashton

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

okay whatever!! I'm doing NaNoWriMo I guess!!!

I'm fully expecting to fall off the wagon at some point, probably this coming weekend because I'll be at a conference, but idk I like having structured writing motivations. and it's a YA thing with a VERY informal conversational voice so hopefully I can just chill and have fun.

first 1800ish words here. meet Cara, she's 18 and a werewolf and not doing so hot.

Where do I even start?

That’s not a rhetorical question, I have no idea. I’ve never really done this before, you know? I’ve never actually had to explain myself to anybody. Growing up, everyone always knew exactly who I was and what was going on.

Well, not everything. I mean, a lot of people actually had no idea what was going on with me for a really long time. That was actually part of the problem.

So suppose I start with the day that everything started falling apart? It makes as much sense as anything else.

That was the day we were supposed to be getting back to school from winter break. I remember really clearly that I slept in so late that Dad had to come and tell me it was time to get out of bed, which I he hadn’t had to do since I was a little kid and still adjusting to the routine. Every morning since I was thirteen, we get up early together to make breakfast and go patrol around the town. 

Sorry, do you know about… I mean, you obviously know what I am. That’s not what I’m talking about. But how much do you actually know about the werewolf thing? Most people don’t really know much unless they grow up in a town with a local wolf around. It’s a lot simpler than most people think it is but it’s also a lot more complicated, in other ways.

I don’t even know if I’m making sense. You remember what I said, about not being used to having to explain myself very much? 

Okay. Um. Just let me know if you have a question, I guess. Basically, what happened that morning is that Dad came and told me I had to crawl out of bed and I scrambled up and got dressed in the warmest, baggiest clothes I could find, and then we had some oatmeal together, and then we both went out back on the porch and turned into giant wolves so that we could run around the town borders and make sure nothing spooky was afoot. Got that?

Cool.

Like I said, we’d been doing that a long time. Every morning since seventh grade started, when I finally started getting a handle on my wolf stuff. And I was a real pro about it, even though I love being in bed, so I guess Dad probably thought it was weird that he had to tell me to get up. It wasn’t like I had been sleeping in over Christmas vacation; we never get a break just because of holidays. I mean, monsters don’t care that it’s Chrisitmas. Heck, the year before that we had to deal with a bunch of snowmen that came to life and started attacking people up at the ski lodge.

Did you hear about that? We did kind of blow up the lodge, but it was an accident. And it worked, so… You know.

Sorry. Am I avoiding the subject? I don’t know, I don’t think so. We haven’t even gotten to the hard stuff yet.

Me and Dad. He made oatmeal with strawberries and cream for breakfast, it was great. And then we went out to circle around Silver Falls and make sure everything was normal, which it wasn’t, but we didn’t know it yet that morning. Normally we can smell it coming miles away, right? I sort of mean that literally, because the sense of smell when you’re a wolf is like… I can’t describe it. I’ve never known how, when I’m human. It’s like having an extra eye open up seeing stuff you can only kind of squint at normally, and everything that’s usually fuzzy or invisible is suddenly so obvious. And then you change back and it’s just gone, like trying to hang onto a dream after you wake up. And our hearing is great too, which also helps. It’s hard to surprise us.

But there’s also just, like, a sense. Like a feeling, like when the town is in trouble we can feel it as clearly as if there’s something creeping up right behind us and breathing down our necks. My friend Ruby says that normal people learn not to pay attention to it when they have a feeling that something’s following them or they can’t stop glancing over their shoulders, because in normal people that’s just anxiety or paranoia. You take pills for it and go to therapy because it’s bad for you to feel like something is out to get you all the time, so you make it stop. But Dad always taught me and my brothers to listen to those instincts, because when werewolves feel like they’re in danger they’re usually right.

That morning everything was normal, though. All of the tracks in the snow were normal animals, ones that we knew. And no strange scents in the air. It was just a nice run with my dad, a good way to start the day off.

Most days actually are quiet, you know. For every day we’re tearing around town trying to catch a monster before it can kill someone, there are dozens of mornings that we just get to go for a run and stretch our legs. We can’t talk when we’re wolves but it’s still nice, hanging out. Sometimes Dad will stop to point out something cool he doesn’t want me to miss, like some baby animals or a pretty sunrise or flowers growing when it’s warm. I always get what he means. And I appreciate that he does it. We go fast when we’re wolves, like, faster than anything else can run. So it’s easy to miss things. And he always says it’s important to actually pay attention to the land and everything living on it, so that we remember why we do this and what we’re protecting. Because if you lose sight of why you do it, then you get… I don’t know. Weird?

I definitely ended up getting weird.

But we made it back to the house with no incidents, which was great. We were definitely thinking it was about time for something to happen soon, though. We never go more than a few months at a time without something cropping up in Silver Falls. The last big thing had been some gremlins at the trade school, gathering up scraps to build a mech suit. That one was… it was fun, honestly. I had never fought anything like that. And Hector thought it was really cool, because he likes robots and stuff like that. It was actually kind of downhill after that? I mean, not really, but we had kind of been getting worse since then. Like the gremlins were the last time we had something in common.

Hector was sort of my boyfriend, by the way. Or my fiancé, sort of. I don’t know, I hate that word. We weren’t even technically engaged, I guess. He had never actually proposed, but everyone knew what would happen after we graduated.

Do we have to talk about this part right now? I’m going to get to it, I swear, but there was other stuff. I swear I’m not avoiding it.

I was avoiding Hector, though. Not on purpose, it had just kind of happened over break. I don’t know, we’d been hanging out less and less, and then over break it was just so easy not to see him at all. He’d gone back to Florida with his mom for Christmas, to visit their family there, and I didn’t want to bother him. Or think about him at all, really. He’s a nice guy, really, but it was…

No, hang on. I’m doing this so out of order. We’ll get back to Hector, I swear.

Okay. Okay. So I got back home from this patrol where nothing happened, and we were running a little behind because I’d taken so long getting up, so Mom and the boys were practically already out the door. Um, I’ve got three brothers. Colin, Caleb, and Cooper. My parents liked the double C name so much for me that they just kept on rolling with it. 

The boys are all normal. Only the firstborn in each generation gets the wolf gene, and it only bounces if something happens. Like, my dad actually wasn’t supposed to be a wolf, but his brother died when he was a teenager fighting some tree monsters with my grandma. It only shifted to Dad after that, on the next full moon after his brother was gone. So Colin would only be a wolf if I died too young to have a successor, which is… I don’t know. I won’t let it happen. Colin doesn’t need to worry about that. 

It’s weird, actually. Colin was fourteen when all of this happened, and Caleb was twelve, which was how old I was when I started wolfing. And when I was twelve I felt so mature and ready to start taking all of those responsibilities on with my dad. I was so impatient for it, and I hated that it felt like I took so long. Like, I was kind of a late bloomer. But I think back to Caleb being that age, and even Colin being fourteen, and I don’t know. They’re babies. They’ve always seemed like babies to me. But I would look at my brothers and their friends and how young they were, and how totally clueless, and it just seemed crazy to me that I was already running off to life or death fights at all hours when I was their age. 

Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyways.

So Mom was already dressed for work at school, and had the boys wrangling all of their books and lunches together and stuff, and she told me if I wanted a ride with her then I needed to move fast, so I told her not to worry about it. And she said:

“If you see Ruby before I do, give her a hug and tell her congratulations for me.”

And I didn’t know what she meant, which was weird, because Ruby was always doing something that deserved a hug and congratulations, but I also always knew what it was because Ruby was my best friend and I thought I knew about everything going on with her. But I was confused and Mom could tell, so she went:

“She got another three acceptance letters over break.”

And I said, oh, right, yeah, like I had known all about that, so Mom dropped it and gave me and Dad little kisses goodbye and left. Which was kind of silly in my case, I guess, since she worked at my school and my school wasn’t huge, so we would definitely see each other again before too long. But it was sweet, though. I don’t want to sound like I was complaining about my mom loving me or anything.

[wordbunch]

One Lifetime With You (ep. 1)

a/n: okay so I’ve come up with a new fic concept: non-elf (mortal) Tolkien characters FALLING FOR SOMEONE WHO’S AN ELF! idk where it came from, maybe because for me elves have always been more distinct than other races in Middle-earth AND also the immortal x mortal concept?!!? I REALLY do hope you like this, plsss let me know (i’m nervous! 😬) and consider reblogging to support my writing! 🥰🥰💗💗

+ I have more coming up, can you guess who?

✨ EPISODE 1: BOROMIR ✨

at first he is very hesitant and careful

I headcanon him as being a little bit superstitious or something and he would literally interpret you as some omen and cautiously admire you from a distance

but the ringing sound of your laughter and the inexplicably magical way that you move quickly captured his hear; he generally falls in love fast but this time it broke every record

however

very soon he would start to feel insufficient for you and he would struggle trying to bury those feelings

but either he’s bad at hiding his true feelings, or you have some accurate elvish intuition/mind reading abilities, or both

and there’s just something in the way his eyes linger on you longer than it could be deemed appropriate

although when it comes to open physical affection, elves aren’t exactly on the same level as humans, you still very much enjoy how Boromir treats you, even though sometimes it makes you a bit flustered

it would be a lie to say that he doesn’t relish that at least a little bit

he’s still a bit insecure about fully approaching you because, after his initial hesitation, he finds you to be the most enchanting being in all of Middle-earth and nobody can compare

but the way you smile when he greets you in passing gives him a confidence boost, and as soon as the two of you start talking and spending time together more often, he can’t get enough of that, and insecurities are seemingly forgotten

your distinct aura drew him towards you, but your personality made him fall for you completely

he tries to be smooth, but it charms you even more if he ends up tripping over his words, but he would make a complete fool of himself just to hear you giggle

you can relax around him and neither of you care about others’ opinions

he is SO quick to defend you if anybody as much as breathes “wrongly” in your direction, literally like your personal bodyguard

you’re the more composed and cool one and he’s the more passionate, energetic one

he is definitely the slightly jealous type

does he ask Faramir to teach him elvish so he can confess his love to you?? you bet he does!!

and you’re amazed and your heart is melting even though the grammar is a bit off and his accent is coming through but who cares

from that point you make it your mission to teach him elvish

it’s more fun than it is successful, but you find it so endearing that he really tries

Boromir adores listening to you sing or speak in your language - it sounds as ethereal as you look

he all but lights on fire when he feels your loving gaze on him

his heart skips a beat whenever you’re being more physically affectionate, especially if it’s in front of someone

Boromir ADORES picking you up and twirling you around, no special occasion necessary

he’s generally so proud to be with you and he showers you with love and he would go to the ends of the very universe for you

he really enjoys just talking to you about everything and showing you his life and his world

Faramir is absolutely amazed by you and you grow to love him like your own brother

however, Boromir has a hard time accepting that you’re willing to give up your immortality for him and he will definitely openly tell you that

it even crosses his mind that, if he had known earlier that you’d have to do it, he would have just quietly loved you from a distance

because if there’s one thing he doesn’t ever want, it’s for you to be hurting in any way

but for you, giving up the immortal life is the only right choice to make because, in hundreds of years you spend in Middle-earth, you’ve never felt more alive than when you’re together

so yes of course you make that decision

and there are mixed happy/sad tears from both of you as you hold each other like you’re about to evaporate

literally the ultimate declaration of love

he proposes to you right then and there, hence more happy tears, but you wouldn’t want to experience that with anybody else

Boromir is a simple man who has always wanted love and a family of his own, but never dared to even dream to end up with a larger-than-life love story

however he ended up getting a very magical one

every now and then he wakes up thinking that it was all a dream, and he feels a combination of delight, relief and love when he finds you right there, looking as radiant as a spring sunrise

✨ taglist my beloved ✨ @lotrnonsense​ @starlady66​ @lazymeriadoc​ @entishramblings​ @thesolarangel​ @silversword7000​ @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog​ @averys-place​ @valkyriepirate​ @emmaarenstarr​ @noldorinpainter​ @asianbutnotjapanese​ @adamgetawaydriver​ @fenharel-enaste​ @ironmandeficiency​

[aorelemos]

First attempt at 'fanfic' (hananene)

since this is like my first post ever and also I dont use tumblr... like, ever i thought a good way to get myself introduced to this platform would be to show off a little bit of writing i did, tbh its not very good and also like *very* unfinished but I'm kinda just putting this on here so i can get it out of my system, also i doubt any of my friends would be interested in it (also since its very unclear the kind of idea i was going for was like.. idk nene gets sent into an alternate universe where Amane is in her position)

Im gonna copy paste it below this bit of text ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yashiro skipped down the halls of the Old School Building on a mission, she absolutely could not wait to tell Hanako about her little adventure - turned misadventure- turned real life fantasy, a fantasy which obviously involved her dearest Teru Minamoto and how he’d chivalrously stopped her from tripping down the stairs due to her untied shoelaces, however he’d tripped himself and that's wher-

wait. We're saving this for Hanako.

As Nene continued humming a lovey-dovey tune, she’d made it to the bathroom. And despite being in such an old and honestly kind of creepy building, this bathroom had quite the atmosphere (probably in part thanks to her amazing and feminine cleaning skills) The light that seeped in from those stained glass windows always helped to add a kind of warmth to the somehow pleasant bathroom, She didn’t know how to explain how it felt, only that it always gave her a comforting feeling.

After basking in the light of the soon-to-be-setting sun through the panes, she turned to the last stall furthest from the door and knocked, “Hanako~ You in there? Oh my, I’ve just had the *best* day of my life to ever happen ever!...so far. Anyways! Minamoto, he- Oh wait, no, you should guess! (it was really quite romantic!)” Nene gleefully and excitedly spoke, almost shouted to the door, not making any room for even a breath of air, however, Nene got no response. “Hanako? Hanako, are you seriously ignoring me?” Nene whined, looking around the room to see where her silly friend had gotten to, continuing to ask for him. It had only been minutes and yet Nene had gotten sick of her no-show friend. As she turned, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

Weird.

Something felt, different. nothing in particular had changed in the warm and not so smelly room and yet, she didn’t feel that same comfort she normally did... “Not my problem” Nene being Nene, brushed it off. However, she did wonder “where is this boy?” It wasn’t like she *cared* y’know, she just wanted to tell someone about her absolutely strikingly romantic experience she’d had and that someone happened to be Hanako, she still wanted to ask why he wasn’t in his usual spot, it wasn’t like she *didn’t* care, she wanted to make sure he was alright, yknow?

 After a moment of stalling she’d made up her mind, if he wasn’t in here, she was going to find him no matter how long it’d take.

Taking one last glimpse of the room to make sure he hadn’t been trying to pull a silly prank by hiding from her (which he had not) she strode out the doorway, Yashiro began to skip through the old school building on a mission… She really, really, really couldn’t wait to blab on about her close encounter with Minamoto because wow! Somehow he’d managed to look even more handsome today than any other-

Yashiro paused in her tracks, she’d spotted a familiar face standing before her in the hall, she knew he’d spotted her too. Yashiro noticed his peculiar choice in clothing (why was he wearing the current school uniform?) however she dismissed it and opened her mouth to greet him-

 “Hanako-Chan! Why- no, How are you wearing that?”

The young black haired boy exclaimed to her, not dismissing her current uniform. Yashiro paused in her tracks, feeling somewhat offended “Ha- Hanako- kun, were you calling me a- a-?” she looked down at the new leggings she’d bought just that day, she knew they made her legs look big! the expression on her face was one of shock and heartbreak ‘I KNEW PEOPLE WERE GOING TO CALL ME A DAIKON AGAIN I SHOULDNT HAVE EVER WORN THESE NEW LEGGINGS! I SWEAR IM GOING TO RIP THESE RIGHT OFF RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW... UGH … AND OF COURSE *HE* HAD TO BE THE ONE TO BRING IT UP, OF COURSE IT WAS HANA-. wait. Did hanako call me… 

 “Hanako-Chan?”

 Nene asked aloud once she stopped her mind from wondering about her legs and instead, she inspected the boy before her, Well, It definitely looked like Hanako, with his bright and curious eyes, “Uh, yes, H-Hanako-Chan are you feeling okay?” not listening to him, she continued to glare. Soft black hair and a devilish smile, that was still the same however he also looked… different, Yashiro could hear footsteps coming closer but that didn’t matter, what was it that made him seem so different- Oh gosh! He looked- He looked alive! “Hanako-chan are you? Are you uh-” Nene also couldn’t ignore that he looked… much taller and much more… well, handsome. Nene felt her ears flush at that last thought and slapped her hands to her face ‘I can’t get distracted here, there's clearly something wrong’ she thought.

Nene noticed that she and the young man infront of her had been quiet for too long. Hm? When had he gotten that clos- “AHHHHHH!” Nene shrieked as she felt the boy grab and move her into a stairwell, she felt as his fingers trailed down her arms and his hands gently yet forcefully fondle her face, ‘this has surely got to be  one of the worst cases of grabby-hands Hanako has treated me with yet!’ she thought, feeling the temperature of her face rise as the now very handsome (despite only being a few inches taller now) hanako traced her arms, neck and face. As she noticed her own heated cheeks, she then noticed his, for a supposedly dead-man.. He had very rosy cheeks.. And why were his hands so warm? As Hanako’s hands stopped trailing over her upper body, she convinced herself to look at him, two bright warm eyes met her back.

“Are you alive?” they asked eachother in sync. 

[personasintro]

Hi, mimi!! I’m a silent reader for idk how long. And I just want to tell you what’s on my mind. First of all, mutual help is so soooo good. I swear to God. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to find another story or book that is as good as mutual help. huhu Maybe it’s because I’m a solid fan of friends to lovers trope. And then I loooove how unbothered you are! <3 Since I’m a silent fan, I’ve been reading the questions and your answers. I love how your decisions don’t get affect by those haters (well, as you should tho!). Idk but those people who comments on wattpad are in another world or maybe its just me haha their anger towards y/n, especially jungkook is on whole another level.

Little TMI :) as I mention, I’m into friends to lovers trope. And I kinda experienced some part in mh in real life. Maybe it’s one of the reason why I understand the story and every part of it. But I also think that an open minded person can understand mutual help that easily if they just work with their emotions.🙄 because everything is soooo realistic. anw this is getting so long. And I’m excited for chapter 56!! the latest chapter was so good, you explained very well their sides and I really missed them being clingy on each other. I’m excited on how will they pull off that “break” haha imagine the tension.

Thank you for sharing your talent with us. <3 Please don’t get tired of writing and with those haters/close minded people. Stay unbothered, love!! Will always wait for mutual help update and your other stories. Yk, It feels like a reward when there’s an update. Haha Oh and lastly, I love every little detail of mh. I swear, if there’s one person who truly understand the story on another level, THAT’S ME!! hehe

Hello 🦋

Thank you for loving MH, I’m glad you’re enjoying it and I hope you will to the very end!

Oh really? Actually, friends to lovers isn’t my go-to trope hahaha I prefer enemies to lovers like 10000% more

Ooooh you experienced a little bit of MH in real life? 😮‍💨 Interesting! Makes me even more curious!!

You’re absolutely right about that. I’ve said it myself a few times as well. MH is that kind of story where you should be at least a little open-minded. Of course readers especially the ones from Wattpad who are used to a specific pattern most stories there have. I could see it from the moment ppl expected the cliché stuff all the time and then got frustrated when it didn’t happen. Most readers there don’t understand that despite me putting MH on wattpad (and reposting some of my stories there too) I’m still a tumblr writer before that. Tumblr is my priority and if ppl read my other stories, they would understand my type of writing. Unfortunately, there’s nothing much I can do. I’ve done everything I could do to make ppl understand but the truth is, there is always someone who just doesn’t understand. But I guess it could’ve been expected when the big numbers kicked in.

Anyway, I’m thankful to everyone who’s simply here for the story and enjoys it 💘🦋 means a lot and I’ll never be able to thank you enough!

[wygbyrm]

addiction shit below

one thing they don’t tell you about quitting coke is how empty and dull life feels without it.

it has been two years, and i know it wasn’t much different before, but it’s almost like it opened my eyes to a whole new level of feeling good. this magical powder makes you feel like the funniest, smartest, and most interesting person in the room and makes everything ten times more fun. but the drawback is that as soon as it wears off, you will be the most depressed and tired and angry you’ve ever felt.

and just living your normal life will never feel like enough. and you are constantly aware of how easy it is to get that feeling back. but also you will never get that feeling back because it will never feel as good as the first couple of times. and you will inevitably just keep doing more and chasing that dragon until you do too much and overdose.

but nothing will make you feel as good ever again. it’s not a one and done drug like people describe heroin, the addiction creeps up on you and you think ‘i have it under control, i only do it when i go out!’ but then you have a little left over after a party and you had a bad day and for some reason you just know that a couple bumps will make it all better.

then before you know it you are just doing it at every opportunity, every choice you make and relationship you maintain is specifically geared towards you doing more coke and chasing the dragon. and then when you finally do too much and you’re laying on the bathroom floor with a nosebleed and feel your heart beating out of your chest and you think ‘yeah this is it. i’m going to die. my roommates are going to find me dead in the bathroom tomorrow morning.’

and then the next day you wake up and you are still alive but you feel different. and you know that you can’t do it anymore or you will die for real, and you got lucky a few times but you won’t get lucky forever. so you stop.

but what now? because i have already reached the peak of how good i can feel. and i’ve been two years ‘sober’ now and arguably my life is just as bad, if not worse, than how it was when i was doing coke every day. so what’s even the fucking point?

but i still don’t do it because out of the group that i did coke with, only me and one other person were able to stop. the rest have been in and out of rehab, lost jobs, lost relationships. i lost a relationship. and all for what? to feel good?

it’s a childish desire. if you have self control, it’s one you can ignore.

and so i stay ‘sober’, although im not sober, because i drink, and i smoke, and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to stop because if i can’t get fucked up at all how will i be able to live?

idk i guess my point is don’t do coke if you haven’t done it already, because if you are like me and it clicks for you, you will never feel as good again. and then you have to live the entire rest of your life either actively killing yourself or knowing how easy it is to attain the life you always wanted, and having to choose not to because you would be actively killing yourself.

[frostmoths]

Might regret posting this. cw alcohol, suicide ideation

Let me preface by saying I wrote this, and a much more emo version before, over the course of a week, and I’m feeling a little better now. It comes and goes. It's everything I’ve been handling since late May, and I want to open up about it.

I have extreme depression and recent happenings have tipped the scale to make me nearly non-functional. I started therapy and medication a year ago because of the world’s most passive-aggressive rejection. I’m way worse now. I’m on my third med and if what happened Sunday (I was very ill) was a side effect, I’m going to have to quit it too. I don’t believe in antidepressants as a cure-all and I’ve only been conceding because I’m tired of wanting to lay down and die. Not kms necessarily, just stop hurting. Though I’ve got like 10 bottles of various prescription insomnia meds which don’t do any good on their own, so maybe if I take them all at once

One weeknight in early June I tried to drink myself to passing out and forgetting what broke my heart. Instead I threw up and went to work the next day hung over. And it was an embarrassingly small amount to drink. Just that it was cheap and I had it on an empty stomach because I was too enraged to make dinner. I haven’t had alcohol since. I dumped out what was left. 

My idiot father, who has dementia, has taken to dragging his guns around everywhere because he’s paranoid they’ll be stolen, and gets angry if he's confronted about it. I’ve alerted several authorities but unless my mother complies, nothing will be done. She won’t because she’s also insane. In May I had a full nervous breakdown expecting me or my cats to get murdered. It was probably the breaking point for my short-lived girlfriend dumping me two days later. Once again my shitty family has ruined any chance of happiness for me. 

When I saw a pistol on his chairside table the other day, instead of blind panic, I felt nothing. I kind of hoped it was loaded and he’d do it, so everything would stop.

My new house is a shitshow and I got ripped off. I have approximately 6 hours a week to work on it and zero help so I’m still not moved in. At this point I hope to sell it after a couple of years of improvements (if I can afford them), get my money back, then maybe flee this godforsaken country and go live in the mountains in. Fucking Iceland. idk. My mother promised assistance for certain things and took it back because that’s what she does. I’m about ready to cut her out of my life.

I can barely eat without getting sick in one way or another. I no longer enjoy things like cooking, EDM, watching anime, and, worst of all, writing. Last month I started poking at [redacted]’s outline as a way to keep my head above water, only to realize it’s way more vague than I remember and that some parts make no damn sense. This is a thing I’ve been bragging about for 3 years as proof that I know what I’m doing, so I feel like a fool. I deleted everything I ever posted about it on my sideblog. I’m tempted to wipe what’s started off AO3. Tempted to delete the entire account tbh, too many memories which are too raw right now. I’m not a skilled writer and the pros (plural) were right to call me out on it last year. And this has been the one thing about myself I was confident in my entire life, that I was banking on making a career now that I finally, finally have my own house with peace and quiet, and now I can see I was fucking delusional. I give up.

My therapist says I have trauma and that I never healed from what happened in 2020 (not Covid-related). I can only see her every 5-6 weeks because she’s that booked. She said she argued with administration because she can't focus on her current patients but they keep throwing new ones at her. Kind of like my job. Everyone everywhere is overworked.

To cope I’ve been indulging in something that’s frowned upon — not a substance abuse thing, but an ethical thing? I guess? Among creatives. I don’t care because it helps me. My psych and my therapist both told me to seek supplemental therapy in between appointments. I think they had something more like b*tterh*lp in mind, but that’s a proven pyramid scheme so lol no thanks. Psychology books and imaginary friends it is.

My employer is closed today and tomorrow for the holiday, and I’m on vacation next week. Much-needed extended time off for me. If I don’t make headway on the house then I don’t know what. I didn’t want to spend my one week off a year moving in the middle of fucking summer during the worst heat on record. At one point I had much more pleasant plans but that’s no longer happening and I can’t think about it. I can’t, but I still do. 

I wanted this house to be my success story. Having worked hard, she rescued herself, escaped her toxic family with her fur sons and flourished creatively, healthfully, and romantically. All was well. The reality is that I was likely conned as a first-time single homebuyer and I'm so mentally ill now that I may not be able to meet the demands of maintaining a 70 year old house with nonworking appliances I can't afford to replace, let alone my own well-being. How did I get myself into this. 

There's one last-ditch effort I can make to pull myself through, but not properly until I move. It sounds like a lame excuse and it probably is, but whatever. Better later than never. However, I tried this last fall, went too hard too fast and burned out after 4 months. I threw a lot of money away doing it. I keep hearing push yourself, go intense, you'll never get there with baby steps but I also think you have to take baby steps if you're starting from zero because otherwise you'll burn out? I'm so tired of conflicting information everywhere. One tells me one thing, another says that's wrong. I can't trust anyone. 

There are a couple of other things I’m looking forward to trying more than exercise. Which are probably less healthy for me. Who is going to stop me. hashtag yolo

I keep telling myself it won’t be this way forever. Just like summer. It comes around once a year, it feels like death, and then there’s relief. But it’ll happen again and again. Just like summer. You have to adapt.

I'm glad pride month is over. I don't know what I'm supposed to be so proud of.

[thisdreamplace]

Hi dream :) It’s 😵‍💫 anon.

The last few days have been tough, but somehow I feel better. Things feel ok, but there are some big changes I need to happen. I’m honestly a little scared because I’m not sure it’s even possible, but I don’t want to give up on it.

I have also discovered the roots to all of my problems. Like why I get triggered, why I speak or react a certain way, and even my coping. I know my previous anon messages seemed like I was on the right track….but I don’t think I was. I was doing what I used to do with the law, force feed positive thinking. Eventually I spiraled a day or 2 ago. But don’t get me wrong, I still learned from that as well. I depend on other people so much when it comes to the law that I don’t know how to function without checking blogs or just living. I say I have this mindset to keep going regardless but I don’t think I’m going forward as I truly should :( I’m moving, but I still feel so low. I move as if I am already defeated, but I have hope that maybe I can live this life I’ve dreamed of. That’s why I eventually fall every-time. I’ve just been so honest with myself.

One of the craziest things is, I see the negativity I hold inside reflected in my outside world. I’m not confident in my driving skills, and so people are scared to drive with me (this initially pissed me off so bad but then I thought, are they wrong tho? Look at what you think about your skills as well.). I get so snappy and down when certain people come around because I expect them to do something I don’t like (I have a negative perception for some people), and so other people have a negative perception of me. And you know what’s funny? There’s a person in my life who doesn’t believe in me, but they still force positive reinforcement when they don’t mean it….. but thats exactly what I do to myself. I don’t believe in anything good for me, but I still try to force positive words when I don’t mean it. I see me in everything that I don’t like. I was frustrated with it all but I started thinking “this is showing you what you should stop doing”. It’s helping me step out of this negative box I’ve built.

When it comes to Manifesting my dream reality, I’m not sure how I feel about it now. Well, I do know, but I just hate to admit it. For some reason, it’s so hard for me to step into this mindset that I am open for positive things. I’m not sure where to go from here, sadly. It feels like I’ll never be able to manifest. I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe in myself and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I don’t think I can manifest and I guess that’s what holds me back. That’s the only thing I haven’t been able to get to the root of, why can’t I manifest my dream reality? Idk. It’s frustrating. So I’m still moving forward regardless, but it doesn’t feel good at all.

I wish I could’ve given you a positive update today, dream. I’m learning & growing, but extremely stuck at the same time. Although this is not a happy message, it still feels like a little bit of good came out of this time. I truly get what you mean when you said you can’t fool yourself. It’s about within. We cannot run away from the problem that keeps coming back.

I’m just at this point of feeling down, but also letting everything be. Idek lol.

hello again wonderful anon <3

tbh i understand you entirely, and it's a thing i have to tell myself a lot as well. but the truth is... this is where you just keep moving forward in trust. i get it, you feel you could be doing things differently or maybe you're not doing something right but. this is the patience and grace we must afford ourselves in all of this... i think a thing not talked about is how happiness doesnt come overnight. because this community is obsessed with instant results, so we don't acknowledge the fact that the difficult times may not just end in a couple days all because we found our way. these things linger, way more than even i'd like to admit. i think that though,.. the most important thing in all of that is moving forward anyway. sure you feel like something is off, but why not begin practicing some trust in yourself then, along this path ? you'll lead yourself where u need to be. but thats smth you have to allow. let go of the need to over analyze yourself.

i'm glad u noticed that reflection of yourself in your world, and thus are able to being letting go of those things that aren't helpful for you.

when it comes to the manifesting and everything, tbh, i say put it on the back burner. this is the easiest way to move forward, at least for me it has been. when i stop relating everything to manifesting, and just seriously live life in the best way i can, everything falls into place. this is because manifesting isnt actually something to figure out or effort at. it's just a natural effect of being alive. so let it be natural and forget about it. focus on these things instead, that have to do with you. for example, see if it feels easier to believe in yourself when youre not relating it to manifesting anymore, but just simply living your daily life doing the little things you need to do for you. suddenly, you may see its actually not that hard to slowly allow in more real positivity for yourself, when its not based on manifesting anything but just based on you.

this will be a cycle you have to break, slowly but surely. when you put all of your faith into the law or manifesting or whatever, it's hard because you saw it as your savior. slowly, transition to seeing how only you can save yourself and you can start right now, waiting on nothing. working with life as its presenting itself and not as you wish it was, making you feel against it.

its a process, dear 😵‍💫 anon. and the truth is you never need apologize for a more difficult ask... its part of the process and its a process i know well. i wouldnt expect you to be perfect and bursting with happiness overnight. or even in a week. instead, all i hope is that you continue to wake up and give yourself a true chance. thats what really counts, little by little. ❣️

[being-of-rain]

Some rambling thoughts from my Doctor Who watch, the first half of season 21.

Warriors of the Deep was a bleak start to the season. Right from the start of the story they were talking about how the political situation in the future hasn’t changed much since the Cold War, and progress hadn’t made anything better. Yikes. Watching this during the Cold War, and then the ending of this story, would’ve been... a lot. Or maybe everyone was just used to the fatalism by then. The Doctor was very gung-ho in this story, there was a lot of action. Oh and I loved him deciding to set a reactor to overload in the first episode as a distraction for the gang to escape. Unhinged. He was pissed off by the end though. I love companions who don’t just effortlessly vibe with the Doctor’s morality and point of view. Turlough saying he’s going back to the Tardis rather than to attempt a suicide mission to rescue the Doctor is a decision that makes sense, and it makes for a sweet moment when he’s reunited with Tegan later after he changes his mind. Oh and at one point, Turlough forces someone to open up a bulkhead door so that the Doctor and Tegan can survive, but that decision leads directly to the deaths of some crew, and arguably the deaths of everyone. It isn’t something the story draws a lot of attention to, but I thought it was notable because you don’t see that sort of direct consequence to companions’ life and death decisions very often. I imagine because it’s too bleak- this story clearly didn’t have an issue with that. Tegan’s outfit is great this series, but for the love of god why is she going around in massive heels. For what possible reason. Gender roles are so weird. Also, I love when actors put their own spin on a straight line in the script- a probable example was Tegan wishing the Doctor luck in this one, and doing so in the most sarcastic possible voice. The Silurians might be one of my favourite ‘aliens’ in Doctor Who, though this didn’t feel like it brought anything particularly new to the table. The script seemed to be implying heavily that Icthar is from the original Silurian story, though even without checking I thought ‘that doesn’t seem like it adds up.’ It didn’t surprise me at all to learn that a novel later gave us Icthar’s first meeting with the Doctor. One of the Sea Devils gets a melty death which was gross and gave me flashbacks to the Terileptils. Finally, I know that how the Tardis doors lock is one of those things that’s inevitably is a little different in each story, but this one seemed convinced that the Tardis can’t lock at all? The Tardis team seem adamant that they need to leave before the Tardis is discovered, even though they could just not leave the ship, and sure enough later the base crew enter the Tardis with no help from the Doctor. There would be so many more problems in this series if the Tardis couldn’t even lock.

I enjoyed The Awakening more than I thought I would. It’s a wonder what only being two parts can do for a story. And actually, the mob mentality aspect was really creepy. Imagine being the only person in a small town who isn’t taking part in some war reenactments that are going too far, but when you try to convince all the people you know that they should stop, they just brush you off. And I don’t really know how much of the reenactments and brutality was the influence of the Malus, because most people aren’t acting more unhinged than I could imagine actual people acting, and I think that works really well. Almost every single Five story has a linking element with the story immediately before it, and this is a hell of a story to break that streak. I guess we’ll just forget about the Doctor’s depression from last episode. Oh I love different times and places physically merging, so you can just walk from one to the other. Idk why I like it so much, I just do. Very fairytale. In my notes which I sometimes take when watching, I’ve written here “Turlough rock murder redemption arc.” I assume that means he successfully attacked someone with a rock. Good job Turlough!

First of all, this is a Turlough stan account!! I was interested in watching Frontios because I know it gets some continuity nods in audios, and because I know the Tardis merges with a cave for some reason, and I’m a sucker for the Tardis merging with somewhere. Dimensions leaking out everywhere. What I did not know is that this story had a really strong subplot and character development for Turlough, and I adored watching that. First we got Turlough threatening people with the hatstand, which was hilarious, and even accidentally almost killing someone with it when he gives them a heart attack I think?? Amazing. Then we get Turlough going a bit crazy from recognising the Tractators, which gave his species a tiny bit of backstory which is nice. It reminded me a lot of humans’ reactions to Silurians in their first story, so it wasn’t as wildly out of left-wing as it could have been. (The people getting sucked into the ground also seriously reminded me of The Hungry Earth.) But THEN Turlough gets a scene where he’s left behind by the others when they go back underground, and has some worried deliberation about if he should face his fears. His new friend tries to comfort him “no one expects you to go back down there,” and he responds “of course they don’t, I’m Turlough,” which HURT my HEART. Then he says its decision time and holds out his fists for his friend to pick one. He opens the hand she picked to reveal a coin, and says that means he’s going, and “you can’t argue with fate.” Then he reveals that he had another coin in his other hand! Sorry I’m just describing this scene but it was my favourite bit. Turlough sort of can’t help but be defined by his selfishness and cowardice by comparison to other companions, and to see him this far into his travels, facing the thing that has visibly left him scared and shaken, and making a deliberate decision to face it head on! Anyway, anything else? The setting was sort of a bleak one, with (purportedly) some of the last surviving humans barely living on a rocky hostile planet. I quickly noticed that ‘bleak’ is something you could say about most of the stories this season, to one extent or another. Poor Five. The characters in this one were interesting though- they basically all act as allies and antagonists at different points in the story, they aren’t just good guys and bad guys. The Doctor acting like Tegan is an android was so funny. And the plot point that this far in the future was outside Gallifrey’s “normal sphere of influence” is telling. The Time Lords sure like to act like their dominion is all of time and all of space, but I don’t think either is particularly true.

I think I enjoyed Resurrection of the Daleks a lot more than I remembered I did last time. The Daleks themselves actually felt a little fresh in this, the way they were bleak killing machines kind of reminded me of how scary they were in series 1 of New Who. That said, I don’t think I’d ever seen them so easily destroyed as in this story. A lot of Daleks get blown up in this one. My brother and I also agreed that Lytton deserved a raise, the Daleks treated him awfully and constantly threatened him even though he seemed to be the most efficient planner on their team. Poor Tegan, I could understand her leaving during this bleak season. Professor Laird, the prisoner Tegan had been held captive with, getting killed really felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back. Though just before she left, it was nice to see how she and Turlough actually seemed to quite like each other. The Doctor saying that he should mend his ways after Tegan left was interesting, I wonder what changes he had in mind. He’s definitely had to make some heavy moral decisions in this season, like hesitating killing Davros in this story. And seeing him pick up a handgun and fire at a Dalek mutant so casually was so weird Oh hey, I forgot until Davros start ranting that this was Terry Molloy’s first time in the role. I’m so glad that he’s stuck around as the definitive Davros actor, he’s so fantastic. Anything else? Oh yeah, we don’t get many women of colour as heroes in Classic Who, so I took a shine to Osborn the soldier who tried to kill Davros when the Daleks first attacked. I was sad to see her get killed herself. And the Daleks truly had too many things going on this story, didn’t they. If they just focused on one damn thing at a time, they would’ve done much better for themselves. Currently I can’t even remember why they had a time corridor to 20th century Earth, was it seriously only to invade it? So yeah, a mess of a plot in this one, but the fresh (or maybe just more effective) aesthetic for the Daleks made up for it a little.

[littlerosetrove]

Wow, I was clearly feeling feisty when I wrote this, so keep that in mind. Post tagged accordingly.

* Hear me out when I say: Buck doesn’t really feel like Buck when he’s with Natalia.

Even setting aside my Buddie bias, this is another aspect or layer of as to why I - don’t care to see any more of Buck and Natalia in the future. To me at least, there was something a little off about Buck any time he interacted with Natalia. Yes yes they’re getting to know each other blah blah, but even so? Buck really felt, idk, almost like a pod person.

Looking back, I think the only person Buck felt the most like Buck was his time with Abby when it comes to romantic relationships. There wasn’t much with Ali to comment on, because she was around so little. Although I will say I will forever find the scene of Ali helping Buck apartment hunt cringe (I felt so bad for the agent). Do I really need to explain the drudge that was Buck and Taylor??

With Natalia we’ve just got → No idea why Buck likes Natalia, nor why she “sees him.” Cool, evidence?? → No idea why Natalia even likes Buck, because we’ve been shown and told nothing beyond her interest in Buck’s death. So there’s a massive disconnect there. → Natalia, whose character thus far is her profession, a death doula. Thus she’s quite bland. (y’all, the show never even stated her last name. people only know it cause they had to look it up.) → These two actors have zero chemistry. I don’t know how else to say this without sounding like a dick, but when people say, “well they’re two pretty people standing next to each other, so I’m good.” I can’t help but say the bar is so low. → Natalia saw Buck’s life - low-key judged it - but came back, because… well idk, I guess simply decided to give Buck a chance? For reasons. I’ve seen people say this is a good sign, but for me it just makes me hesitant. Natalia is pretty open to interpretation since we’ve barely been given anything. So I could easily assume that later Natalia will decide, “Actually nevermind, your life is too full of life. Bye Buck!” (call me pessimistic, but i haven’t moved onto my positive phase yet after what the finale gave us) → I wish I could explain it better, but I just felt a little uncomfortable any time Buck was with Natalia. Just something off about him.

If anyone else can help me pinpoint why Buck always felt a little off with Natalia, I’d love the help.

*sighs* I’m not interested or looking forward to anything to deal with Natalia and Buck, unless it’s them breaking up. To me it’s like - what even is there to look forward to? Call me harsh, but what, two pretty people dating? All I see is a fourth rendition of Buck passively entering into a relationship and not really knowing how he got there. “But Buck has a better understanding of what he wants in a relationship this time around.” Maybe, and maybe Buck feels relatively positive about entering a relationship with Natalia. Too bad the relationship we’ve seen so far is barely anything. Too bad their start was Natalia saying Buck’s death was “so cool.” Too bad their relationship, nonetheless, is something I’ve seen four times now with Buck.

No matter what “positives” anyone may be able to point out, I just don’t care. The show didn’t give me a reason to even care. There’s zero depth to be found. And if what we were given was supposed to remotely sell me on caring or rooting for Buck and Natalia? Hooooboy they did a piss poor job. Go girl, give me nothing! 

[thewordworrier]

:( just some 3am hour blues

I can’t sleep because I’m scared and stressed.

The electric company I’m with want to take my direct debit payment, double it and add on a lil extra. If i don’t change this myself via the app, they’re gonna do it anyway. In the next 10 days I think?

But it’s okay! There’s another way of preventing this! I can make a top up payment of OVER A THOUSAND POUNDS, right now. Piece of cake.

I don’t have that kind of money. I can’t even afford the new payments they want. Not that we use that much electric a month anyway.

I’ve been panicking about this all day. I’ve tried WhatsApping the company like they suggest, but did they bother getting back to me? Nope, not yet. And probably not until like, 7am when they know most people will be asleep so they can be all - well guess you don’t need this chat anymore!

Not my fault that your opening call times are when Matt’s at work. Because I like it when I can pass the phone over to him - almost like good cop bad cop kinda deal. Plus they always seem to listen to him more. Feels like they fob me off because I’m female. Idk.

The way we live hasn’t changed. The only thing that’s changed recently is the electric company that we’re with and it’s like our costs have doubled and it’s just like… How are we supposed to afford this on top of everything else rising too?

Like, we already don’t turn the heating on. Not only because we have storage heaters and they’re awful, but because we’d probably use double the electric we’re using now and… God, we can’t afford that. And we live in the roof of the apartment block we’re in so it’s a lil extra drafty? Draughty? How the hell do you even spell that?

This isn’t a way for anyone to live. If I had known this place was going to be this cold when we were looking at it, I wouldn’t’ve opted for it, we would’ve kept looking. Can’t really save up to move somewhere else - everywhere is more expensive and we don’t have a lot of money left at the end of the month to put into savings anyway.

Matt works full time pretty much, I work as many hours as I’m capable without crumbling, we hardly do anything so there’s not a lot to cut out. And you can’t cut everything out anyway as, well if you have no little joys in life then what’s even the point?

I’m sure once we can get some kind of response from the stupid company it will be fine, for a bit. But until then I’m just really anxious and I hate this. I have to work tomorrow and I can’t fucking sleep because I’m fucking scared I’m not going to be able to deal with this in time and it’s going to financially ruin us for a month. And then we’re going to spend forever catching up to that.

Matt always asks me why I can never relax and be happy - “you’re coiled so tightly” - and this is why. I was FINE, almost cheerful even, and then boom, email from the electric company and BAM whole day ruined.

This is why! I dare let myself be happy for even just a day and then something comes along and ruins it.

I’m so tired of everything being a fight. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m barely surviving.