#idk how well steam deck works

[fizzytoo]

my kid brother asked me to get him a steam deck for christmas…. $400 ……….

[storm-priestess]

☾*✲⋆. HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT YOU? ☾*✲⋆.

designed for crushes, but can be used for anyone. if it resonates, it's for you

(arranged 1-2 on top, 3-4 on bottom)

(pictures taken from weheartit)

✲ Pile 1 ☾

a lot of… new energy here. did you just meet? if not, their feelings have recently gone through a change, or they've had a realization…

with the 10 of pentacles in the center, I feel like they were/are focusing on work and then got hit with a love arrow, but what they want to do about that is still up to them

I feel like they are close to moving for a job, with the 6 of swords right next to the 10p, so their plans and feelings don't match up. this does feel relatively new, given the fool and ace of swords, so maybe these feelings aren't strong enough to justify declining a great job or even school opportunity (for some, they could be moving away for college)

either way, there's also a message of returning. they're trying to have faith that if it's meant to be you'll meet again at a better time

all of the lenormand cards i got point to a message, something coming to light, a secret revealed. several things come to mind as to what this could be. I'm thinking a) your feelings are revealed to them, and they (at first) don't know how to feel only to grow affection once the the dirt settles (or they have a grand realization right then and there, which seems a bit less likely but possible); b) they're feelings are revealed; or c) they (or you!) receive a job offer / college acceptance letter that changes the game. either way, a message changes everything

idk who needs to hear this but they're anxious, don't push them. I feel like someone reading this is trying to force affection out of their crush based on pac readings confirming their feelings. give them time, it's a little crazy for them rn (or it will be)

some of you are very intuitive and are very convinced that this is your person, or you will be with them in some romantic context. again, just bc you are ready doesn't mean that they are. just give them some time

i hope you enjoyed the reading! as always feedback is welcome and paid readings are open <3 

✲ Pile 2 ☾

very commanding energy. ngl i got a lil hot under the collar when the first cards came out

they are very insistent to take their own time. the type to hear your confession, reciprocate feelings, but still stay in the teasing or flirting stage bc they are not quite ready to take things to the next level

very 'booked and busy' vibe, they don't feel like a fuckboy, but they have assignments or a competitive job or sports or something that is splitting their attention

it's very passionate (not necessarily 18+, they just have very strong emotions, but they keep them in check well? like they can feel the most lovey dovey way possible but just smirk and go back to doing their homework bc it's due at midnight and they have the control of a fucking steam engine???)

total cap energy, I'll just say it

a lot under the surface as well? I feel like they show very little on their face, maybe they always seem in control and calm, but that's definitely not true. things get to them sometimes

bit of an escapist. has some self doubt and uses work or possibly relationships to escape from things they can't change or require a lot of effort to change. just make sure you're not just a distraction, as that could possibly happen

oh holy hot damn the 'true love' card popped out of the oracle deck, and then the 'wishes will be granted' card 😳 yall

this person is used to getting what they want, at least with people. maybe they fall in love a lot as well. but I would be dumb not to mention the very obvious possibility with these cards that they reciprocate your feelings

overall, they have a very fiery energy when it comes to love and perhaps are used to being chased, so be cautious and make sure that if you want commitment and a serious relationship you are getting it

the 'devotion' card also popped out as I was putting the cards away… just put your foot down and you will be more likely to get commitment out of this person. don't settle!!!

i hope you enjoyed the reading! as always feedback is welcome and paid readings are open <3

✲ Pile 3 ☾

if you guys are friends with your crush and have been getting mixed signals from them, this pile is for you

they're thinking about this connection way too much, so many cerebral cards came out

but also the 10 of cups???

I feel like they overanalyze every single thing you say and do, they are going crazy trying to decipher you

I also feel like they're not entirely sure where they want this connection to go? there's a lot of affection here, but part of it just seems like they'd be happy to have you in their life in any form

maybe they get that you're interested and are debating just going for it, bc they don't want to lose the friendship, but also aren't entirely sure that they have romantic feelings for you? they just like you so much, pile 3

part of them wants to keep things how they are, and are afraid of change, bc they don't know where this could lead and don't want to risk it

even if they do have romantic feelings, their thoughts are on stability. how can they stabilize this relationship? how can they ensure that you both get out of this confusing stage in one piece, holding hands and laughing about it?

might also be a sticky situation like a love triangle or their-ex-is-your-friend type of thing

they do seem very considerate though, they're not just listening to their own feelings but what's best for everyone

oh wow. for some of you this person has had eyes on you since they first saw you and has gotten used to settling for friendship. now they don't know if it's worth changing, since this worked out so well

they're so used to dealing with these feelings alone that they don't realize that the signals you might be sending them are real

they've calmed down a bit only to be thrown back into the arena

godspeed, pile 3 🫡

i hope you enjoyed the reading! as always feedback is welcome and paid readings are open <3

✲ Pile 4 ☾

they seem like they're going to go for it, pile 4

knight of swords and the magician??? not to mention all the cards I pulled with people on them are offering something, facing forward, very direct

they look confident, or at least they are when they're alone, analyzing your interactions

the high priestess is also here, and this particular deck has her smirking, very bold and confident in her intuition. I feel like they somehow know how you feel and are planning on doing something about it

I'm not getting a lot of their emotions, per se, just plans. it's up to you to decide if this person is sincere or just wants to pass the time

they could possibly be using relationships to validate themselves? insecurity or a past with heartbreak could make this person eager to show that they're desirable

again, emotions aren't being shown very much here, so either they don't have much of an emotional attachment to you or they are so far in the game that they have already decided to put their heart on the line and act, not contemplate feelings anymore 

yeah no I hate to say it but there is a bit of a playboy vibe here. protect your energy, pile 4, only go for this if you are okay with where it could lead

omg the charms that came out have me cackling

do they wear a lip ring??? bc if they do I feel like that might be a bit of a warning

also wear pastels or pink regularly, particularly preppy polos or button-up shirts

one charm is a cylindrical crystal attached to a metal hoop w small chains (like a dangly earring), and when it came out the crystal was fit inside the ring 💀 they got something on their mind for surree

if you are okay with one night stands then go for it, but if you are looking for something more I might suggest waiting things out a little bit. no matter what it's up to you!

i hope you enjoyed the reading! as always feedback is welcome and paid readings are open <3

[callmearcturus]

the best handheld gaming options today

ohyesididnotjustdothat: Idk if u were serious or if this is even a good time, but that rec list for handhelds sounds like it'd be baller ngl

yeah sure, i like to do the research so others don't have to. it's turning into my gimmick

Let's do this by

Best Starter Device

Best Midtier Device

"But What About Sony" Device

Best Thing If You Don't Want To Invest In A Steam Deck

Best Starter Device/Low Budget: Miyoo Mini

as soon as this fucking thing came out, everyone was talking about it and I can see why. This thing is adorable, it's sturdy, it is the most pocketable device in the space, and it reliably plays anything up to the PSX generation. It has shoulder buttons on the back, comes with a very decent user interface out of the box, and that screen is both gorgeous and it has extra lamination so it's well protected.

And it sells for less than 70$. There's a very loving fanbase around the Miyoo Mini with people pushing the hardware to its limits and supporting it, so it's a good pick.

Best Midtier Device: Retroid Pocket 2+

the + is important, this is a refresh and update to the original RP2 with a lot of improvements.

Full disclosure, I wanted to get myself a Powkiddy RGB10 Max 2 (a mouthful) because it has super good ergonomics and a huge screen. But its not about the screen, it's what you do with it, and RP2+ is just head and shoulders above the competition and tends to be priced at 99$, which is cheaper than the competition as well. That this thing exists while the Ambernick RG552 has the audacity to ask for 225$ is staggering.

This fucking thing will play SNES, GBA, PSX, sure. But thanks to its chipset, it'll also play N64, Nintendo DS, Dreamcast. There is a community-maintained GDoc with testing of the device with advice on how to wring the best results out of the RP2+. Also its one of the only devices where the manufacturer lets you buy spare parts if something breaks, which is something more folks should do. Also this thing is getting active updates both officially and from the community. Like.... it's a good fucking purchase.

This is what I'm getting and I'm planning to explore the NDS and Dreamcast libraries for the first time.

"But I want to play PSP as well as older generations!": CFW PS Vita

This was my first foray into the space and I fucking love it. The amount of shit you can do with a custom firmware (CFW) Vita is mind boggling. I just downloaded a free port of Fallout 2 from the Homebrew Browser that's runs on the Vita itself. Last night, I opened Adrenaline, which is Sony's own PSP emulation software and booted up Chrono Cross. There is a very sneaky little app I won't name that literally just lets you directly, cleanly download any PS Vita game onto the device.

The screen is fucking beautiful, the device feels luxury, it's got bluetooth, it can run older libraries all the way up to N64 (though it chugs on some GBA games for some reason).

And while a lot of other custom handhelds are trying to get PSP games to run, this is the device that was BUILT to run them, and it cannot be beat. No fucking with settings, no swapping cores in hopes another will run better. It just works for that amazing fucking library. And setting up the CFW is very fun and has a great step by step guide online.

Honorable Mention: CFW 3DS/3DS XL

One of the things these handhelds struggle with is emulation of the dual screen Nintendo devices. It's super easy to emulate the top screen, and for many games the bottom screen isn't actually necessary to play. But for the ones where it is, there are few viable handhelds you can really use.

But much like the Vita, the 3DS has a vibrant and thriving mod community. Once you have it set up, it's the most reliable avenue for the Nintendo catalog, and with Nintendo shutting down support for it, that's two generations of extremely large catalogs at risk of disappearing.

Also, once you've got it set up, you can go to hshop, pick the game you want to play, scan a QR code with your 3DS, and just install it. The pirate game is so fucking advanced. The only reason I don't play mine more is the battery life bugs me. If I put my vita to sleep, in a month it'll still have power. If I put my 3DS to sleep, it's dead in 2 days.

The "I Don't Mind Spending For the Best Option That Is Fully Futureproofed" Option: The AYN Odin

Starting price 230$ before shipping and you'll be waiting at minimum 3 months for it to arrive.

This will play everything. This is right now the only device to reliably run the PS2/PSP generation. It will also flawlessly stream Game Pass, PS Now (or whatever they're calling it these days), Stadia, Moonlight, Parsec, and Nvidia's service I forget the name of. If you're daring, you can sideload windows and play a respectable amount of full PC games. It has very good controls, super nice shoulder buttons, a turbo mode with a cooling fan, and that enormous fucking screen.

This is the device every motherfucker wants but you will be paying and you will be waiting to get your hands on it. It's the best device you can get without investing in a Steam Deck. (Also you can very easily get away with the Odin Lite over the Odin Base or Pro unless you are planning to sideload Windows, just FYI.)

Final Thoughts: There's a lot of good options out there and a lot of people covering them, but I personally like Retro Game Corps the most. He has in depth reviews of goddamn everything as well as video guides to setting up specific devices, learning Retroarch, exploring firmware options as they release, and WRITTEN GUIDES to everything on his site. Dude is a marvel. I would watch his stuff to see what sounds good, then watch other reviews for the same device. (This is what talked me out of the Powkiddy and into the RP2+.)

[lexcellence]

so here are my options, i guess

give up entirely! what's the point! wallow in grief, because the carefully constructed plan to snap out of it hit a snag.

track down and purchase a hard drive for a ridiculously old budget version console (most likely cost prohibitive) so it can be backwards compatible

track down and purchase power/av cord for the chunky older version of the console i inherited that's natively backwards compatible, but probably runs the risk of not working as well? (most likely cost prohibitive). also console was not originally mine, and idk how much of a pain transferring my stuff over would be.

somehow find the money to get a new computer that can run anything more complicated than solitaire without overheating (or a steam deck, i guess), repurchase all of the games, and solve the console problem entirely? lol money

skip 2 and play any of the other three games in the series until i can throw money at option 2 or 3 in a couple of weeks

???

not gonna lie

i was really counting on this specific autistic thing to work for me and help me get out of this spiral

[straightupsickfics]

pls do you have any head canons to share about our pirate boys? 🥺

🖤🏴‍☠️ pirate thoughts 🏴‍☠️🖤

putting the rest of this under a cut bc i simply rambled on for too long! <3

Okay first, they are genuinely both just very touch starved, lonely people, so finding each other feels miraculous enough, but discovering every little thing they have been missing over the years??? Every day there’s something new that happens that makes them (and me) want to cry happy tears, I am Convinced.

I’m also convinced that in the episode with the fancy party on the fancy ship, Ed would have been entirely overwhelmed by the perfumes and scents and everything everyone had on, and would’ve spent a majority of the night trying to keep the allergies he didn’t know he had in check. His shoulders keep shaking, his eyes are teary, and his nose is all red and sniffly, he keeps muttering curses under his breath, and finally Stede lays a hand on his arm and gently suggests they make their way out.

(+ back in the comfort of their own ship, when it’s just the two of them, Ed sneezing a dozen times in a row and grumbling that that life is clearly not for him, just look at him, it’s a disaster, he’s a mess, and Stede patiently explaining exactly why he is wrong about that)

Stede always stifles his sneezes because he grew up being told that children should be seen and not heard, and even as an adult he doesn’t want to make a big deal about it when he’s sick or something, so, he’ll muffle them into his handkerchief and move on. Ed had never thought to do such a thing until he sees Stede doing it. The next time Ed’s allergies are bothering him or something, he tries (and mostly fails 🥺) to stifle, and Stede is like: “that looks like it felt terrible, you shouldn’t do that!” to which Ed is like: “you do it.” Stede: I… well… that’s different. Ed: no it isn’t. Fairs fair, I won’t if you won’t 😌. Stede gives in.

Someone pointed out that the holster thing on Ed’s leg looks like a knee brace and that his knee would act up and bother him when it rains, and I am adopting this hc because Stede fussing, and essentially begging an increasingly grumpy and frustrated Blackbeard to please sit still so he can make him feel better and bring him tea, and put a hot water bottle on it is TOO GOOD

Idk how pirate bathing works but I feel like somehow, somewhere, Stede has a claw foot tub in one of his secret passageways, so when one of them is sick, or recovering from getting stabbed or something, one of them will run the other a bath, help them out of their over the top outfit, and take care of them in the bath 🥺 also washing each other’s hair??? A peak soft moment. Also a smol softkink thought because what if the fancy soaps, combined with the steam and an on-coming cold irritates their nose? What then.

Stede insists on standing on the deck in the rain to keep watch, or to keep the crew’s spirits up, only to come down with a truly terrible cold. Ed gently reminds him that even the best pirates need to take a break eventually, and guides him back to his room. He’ll make Stede tea with seven sugars and this will make Stede smile because he’s freezing, really, he can’t stop shivering, and it’s warm, even if it is way too sweet for him, Ed made it and he’s giving him that look so 😌🤍

Blessings with pet names! You simply cannot try and tell me that Stede doesn’t bashfully call Ed sweetheart or something, the words genuinely coming out before he can think about them because he’s overwhelmed, okay!

“God bless you sweetheart!”

*A very long tense pause in which Stede realizes what he said, Ed panics and melts and panics some more but ultimately decides he has to point out that Stede is Very Wrong*

“There is nothing sweet about me, mate, especially just now, I’m a mess.”

“Oh, I dunno, sweetheart, I think I could name a few things.”

He does 😌

[everygame]

Loop Hero (PC)

Developed/Published by: Four Quarters / Devolver Digital Released: 4/3/2021 Completed: 24/05/2022 Completion: Beat the final boss after a bit of jiggery-pokery. Trophies / Achievements: n/a

Loop Hero is a genuinely good game with a design that is exactly the kind of thing I like.

And yet I found it completely and utterly boring and I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

*sigh*

Let’s start again. You’re probably familiar with Loop Hero! It was quite a big indie success: Russian-developed, published by Devolver Digital, a big seller on Steam and a solid release on Switch. It’s close to an idle game, but not actually an idle game: a level, composed of a simple loop is spawned; your hero starts at a campfire and walks in a loop back to it. As he walks, you place obstacles and features in the level from a hand of cards; when he defeats enemies or terrain combos or the like happen, you earn equipment that can empower your hero, new cards for your hand, and resources materials that you can use to upgrade your base between expeditions. Each loop gets harder; your goal is to simply add enough to the map and survive long enough that the level’s boss spawns at which point you can kill them. If you die, you lose 70% of the resources you’ve picked up, so you can retreat when at the campfire (or anywhere, but lose 30%.) When you retreat, or die, the next expedition you start at zero.

It’s a really, really good design. It’s got all the play “loops” that you want for this kind of thing, over and above the literal loop in the game; the classic “cumulative roguelike” design where the longer you play the more support you have for the next run (via base upgrades and other unlocks) joined with a very concrete “push-your-luck” system: after a loop you have to gamble that your hero won’t die on the next loop or lose some resources when they inevitably do. And you’re constantly getting new equipment while placing terrain (which often have interesting combo effects you’re working towards) so you’ve basically always got something to do, even if your wee hero is technically dealing with it himself.

Plus it looks beautiful, with a really dense pixel-art style that is kind of like a dark fantasy take on the likes of Master of Magic, doing that thing where it looks like what you remember something looking like (rather than what it does look like) as it’s significantly more detailed.

But somehow… it never clicked. There’s a few reasons, really. One is the game lacks clarity. I’m well aware that a lot of the joys of rogue-likes (and like-likes) is the discovery–of unknown combinations, of unusual events–but Loop Hero has an issue where it’s actually not super clear why you’re placing one card over another in your deck, or why you’re actually playing them–outside of that you need to do so to make the boss show up. I never worked out why, for example, I should place one enemy generator over another (spider webs or cemeteries? idk); why I would ever place swamps (which reverse healing effects for apparently no actual benefit) and so on. 

Now, there is an encyclopaedia which (absurdly) you have to gain enough resources to build, but it came so late in the game for me that almost my entire play-through of this I relied on some early combos that I found worked for me (build mountains and treasuries; build vampire villages and wheatfields, the rest, whatever.) It has the bad outcome, sadly, that the game starts to feel very samey very early.

It’s not helped, to be honest, by how slow everything is. I said above that there’s always something to do–and there is–but the game is not only running at a speed that feels about half as fast as something that basically runs automatically should (especially as you’ll certainly pause whenever doing something matters) but gaining resources takes countless runs–and it’s even worse if you’re the kind of player that pushes your luck too far. There are technically four levels in this, which increase in enemy power, the boss, and how much terrain you need to place, but by the time you’re into the third one you’ll be close to seeing all of the content in the game, making the last two levels (which push the amount of loops needed to get to the boss to a pretty absurd degree) honestly really rather tedious. The loop stops feeling like you’re riding a rollercoaster around and more like you’re working on a factory assembly line, doing the same task over, and over, and over (and sometimes you go home with only 30% of your pay.)

It’s a shame, really, and I’m actually not sure why the game is this way. It makes me think about what a genius Michael Brough is again [“oh here we go”--Ed.] sure I get tired of his games after a while, but there’s that mania I have for a while because each run is so perfectly bite-sized. Part of me wonders–what if the maps in this were half the size, and full levels half as long–and they never got longer, just more challenging? The thing is though, I’m pretty certain they spent a lot of time tuning this and it’s probably very much to their taste. It’s just it isn’t to mine.

Will I ever play it again? I won’t, I think, though I’m looking forward to whatever the team does next.

Final Thought: Isn’t interesting, however, that the team left pretty much every setting in the game easily changeable in a ini file that’s literally just sitting in the main folder? Now, this can be used to make your hero invincible, make every enemy have 1 hp, etc, but I wonder if they actually did it intentionally because they knew there would be enough players like me who would be like “well, what if I can just finish the last level in 45 tiles rather than 95�� and who think “what if I half the amount of resource fragments needed to get a full resource” and so on.

It turns out… I like it a lot more! Unfortunately I only found this out when I was pretty scunnered with the game, but it made my last few hours of it a lot more fun. I’m sure some people are absolutely aghast by this, but why should I deny myself enjoying a really lovely game design just because it isn’t balanced to my taste? Don’t just play games the way you want to play them, make them the games you want to play, I say.

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[spinster-sisters]

Sailor's Wife. psh

Pirate au

TW: ngl this gets kind heavy right in the beginning then it gets kinda soft right at the end so like idk. dom seonghwa, sub reader, degradation, use of the word whore(also wench cuz like pirates), oral, edging, possessiveness, breeding kink. oops, manhandling.

Normally i try my darndest to not get too wordy but for this I let it happen.

@xiuminswifeforever this ones for u. also this got a little carried away but heyyyyy what can ya do.

Also @multidreams-and-desires @a-soft-hornytiny and @eonghwa may possibly probably will enjoy this to so have at it

Perhaps you should be more understanding with your husband Seonghwa. After all, your ship had a name and a reputation to uphold, which would not be possible without the efforts of both him and your captain Hongjoong. But you were still stuck on a ship at sea, without much to do. It had been 4 days since you last made port, and it is likely you wouldn't dock for at least another 10. And with your husband ignoring your needs for the sake of maintaining perfect order on board as First Mate, you were feeling a little stir crazy.

Of course as the First Mates wife, and notable figure amongst the crew you had your own reputation to uphold as both a devoted wife and skilled sailor. So when you and your closest confidantes on board tried to blow off some steam by dipping into the bottles of rum during broad daylight on the top deck of the ship, your antics turn more than a few heads among the lower-ranking members of the crew.

It's true that Seonghwa had been neglecting you, instead spending the hours of the night pouring over maps and charts with the Capitan. And San and Wooyoung had always given you all the attention you missed. So in your slightly inebriated state, your place on Wooyoungs lap touseling his long hair felt more than natural.

The three of you were causing quite a ruckus, laughing, shouting, knocking over barrels and crates, and other general tomfoolery. It was only a short while before your Husband came bursting through the door on the far end of the deck (Capitans Quarters) scanning the ship for the cause of the disturbance.

Once he found it his eyes narrowed. He stalked over to your happy gathering, which had only briefly acknowledged him, with furry radiating of every step. Once he stood glowering before you, you finally gave him your attention.

"Seonghwa! Darling! How nice to see you!" You called, still on Wooyoungs lap. You swung your arms out to him and gestured for him to come to you but he ignored it. The slightly shrill cry of your voice had once again attracted the attention of the crew.

"We don't pay you to gawk. Back to work all of you!" Seonghwas powerful voice carried over to the men, who sprung into action, heads turning quickly away. Seonghwa turned his hard stare back to the three of you.

"I want all three of you off this deck, in your quarters in the next 5 minutes," he began low and growling, "or so help me God I will throw you overboard myself!" As he carried on his voice grew in both anger and volume. But the three of you, foolishly perhaps, did not heed his warning.

"Oh, come on now Seonghwa. Don't be such a hard ass" San remarked giggly. Seonghwas gaze snapped to the man and opened his mouth to speak but Wooyoung interjected.

"We were just showing your lovely wife a good time," he spoke with a lopsided smirk, hand coming down to your thigh. And the Frist Mate followed the action with dangerous eyes.

You stood from your spot on wobbly feet, taking a step closer to your husband, and took the front lapels of his long sea-worn jacket into your hands and practically hung on the man.

"Come now, Seonghwa. Won't you find it in your heart to be lenient with your darling little wife," you pleaded jokingly, batting your eyelashes. Seonghwa was not amused.

He took your wrist into his hand and with a strong grip, he pulled you away from him so quick you almost toppled to the floor, but not before he yanked your arm back with equal strength, leaning down to be right in your face as he spat.

"I do not see the darling wife you speak of, all I can see is a drunk ship wench without the mind to Do. As. Shes. Told. Now go back to our room and hope with all your might you sober up before I get there."

As his speech concluded he pushed you away again, this time in the direction of the stairs that led below deck. You were practically in shock as you bowed your head and stumbled to wooden stairs, the distant yells of your husband now directed at the other two men. taking the stairs down to the first floor where there were 7 small rooms for the officers aboard, including you and your husband's room at the end of the short hall.

Now perhaps you were drunker than you realized because the gentle swaying of the ship with the waves had you practically falling over with every step and by the time you reached your room you had all but collapsed onto the bed, drifting in and out of consciousness with the tides.

Perhaps, Seonghwas words had been empty threats as when you finally awoke (unfortunately sober) you could see the dusk sky shining through the small window at the back of the tiny room. Your head pounded when you sat up, but the uncomfortableness of your day clothes was undeniable.

You slipped out of the hard leather of your coat and boots and pulled the linen shirt over your head. After removing your ragged pants from your body you moved to pull your soft nightgown over your head but stopped when the door open. Ready to scream at the person who disturbed you in private you only stoped when your eyes landed on your cross-looking husband. You scoffed at the man in the door and turned your back to him.

"Oh no darling, you can't run away from me this time," he said rounding the bed to stand behind you, "your actions today were absolutely inexcusable, no matter what marriage you benefit from" he growled at you.

You scoffed again and whipped around to face him, still completely bare.

"Darling? Who on earth could you be talking to, certainly not me. As I recall I was nothing more than a ship wench." You spat his own words back at him.

"Don't try to be smart," he snapped at you, taking another step closer, " Today you behaved like nothing more than an attention-hungry whore, and if you expect me to set that aside simply as your husband you are far from wrong darling," his voice spoke dangerously even.

"Perhaps I have a right to be starved for attention! As you seem certainly more than willing to leave me alone for days on end," you returned with equal venom. This seemed to shock Seonghwa, though his anger did not lessen he remained quiet.

"What kind of husband leaves their wife for days on end without so much as a touch! Perhaps I should go find Wooyoung? As I know he would be more than willing to give me the kind of attention you have been denying me,"

As soon as the words left your mouth you knew they had been a mistake, you opened your lips to take them back but Seonghwas hand caught your throat in an instant, catching your breath.

"You want me to act like a husband? Perhaps I should treat you as a husband should treat their wife when they say such things," he glowered, eyes sharpening with rage.

He released his grip on your neck only to push you back onto your creaking bed. As you caught your breath Seonghwa tossed his own coat away from him and loosened the ties of string keeping the top of his shirt together, but not removing it completely. He climbed onto your exposed body, keeping you trapped beneath his weight. He ran one lean hand from your neck down to your breast and groped it with rough hands. You moaned in pleasure, finally, your body practically screamed. He scoffed at you.

"You want to be treated like a wife yet you sound like such a whore, crying out for me at the slightest touch, perhaps I should teach you how to appreciate what you are given."

He moved away from your body before wrenching your legs apart. You blushed madly at how his words and touch had affected you, your cunt was already sopping wet at the idea of your husband finally putting it to use.

"Tsk, so desperate. Have a taught you nothing?" he grumbled to himself.

"Sorry, sir" you whined. He meets your eyes for just an instant, showing him that you had not forgotten all of your manners with him. He wasted not another moment before pulling your hips twords his head and licking up your dripping folds. A strangled cry left your lips.

Just as he set to work, licking and sucking all of the places on you that he knew to be useful. His hand returned to your breast, kneading the flesh between his long fingers with a rough grip.

You were at his mercy. Your body was his to toy with and he knew how to play you well. His tongue dove into your slit, further than should be possible, using the muscle to open the neglected hole and taste the essence now running down his chin. He lapped away at your cunt, taking all he wanted from you while you lay there limp and twitching with the occasional cry of ecstasy.

His fingers pinched the hard bud of your nipple and pulled on it, bringing a cry from your lips. Normally cries like these were reprimanded, but you had a feeling your husband wanted the whole ship to know exactly what he was doing to his wife.

You were coming closer and closer to the orgasm you so desperately needed. Your body was reacting to every touch with increased sensitivity as it hadn't been used in so long, and Seonghwa was oh so skilled at pulling these feelings out of you, the fire burning in your belly was twisting and reveling, begging to be realized.

You cried out again, feeling you're about to get that sweet sweet release you so craved.

When it all stopped.

You cried out again but this time in strangled desperation and confusion. You locked eyes with your husband and plead you were wrong about what is happening.

Seonghwa simply pulled away, unbothered, he stood from the bed and you felt your heart shatter as he moved across the floor. He picked up a rag and wiped his face clean before turning back to your still panting figure.

"Remember, when you married me you gave your sweet, soft body to me. And now any pleasure it receives is mine to control. I want you to think about what you just experienced and learn to appreciate all that I give you. Now, I am going to return to my duties, and when I come back if I believe you have earned it I will treat you like my wife, and not some common whore."

And without another word, he left.

-

You laid their flabbergasted and unmoving for what felt like hours. As the sunset behind the horizon, you pulled your body up into a sitting position with your legs cradled to your chest. You don't dare act on the burning emptiness in your core, as you truly felt you had learned your lesson.

The minutes ticked on. Occasionally you heard the sound of feet coming down the ladder from down the hall and your stomach lept, but every time they continued down to the lower deck for the crew. Your mind wandered to your wedding day.

It had only been 4 years since that day. It was before you had joined the crew, but Seonghwa who you had known since your childhood had already been called to the sea by his friend and now captain. He had asked you to marry him the day before he left on his first voyage and you waited for him without a second thought. Once he returned months later he had already been made First Mate and you only had a week before he would be out at sea again. On the day of your wedding, you were scolded by your parents for allowing a lawless pirate to take you, but your father gave you away regardless. By the end of the night, you were already miles out to sea with your new husband and he showed you for the first time how well a wife could be treated.

Needless to say, you rediscovered your appreciation for the man.

So when the door finally opened once again, you only gazed at Seonghwa with stars in your eyes. He approached your side of the bed and took your chin into his hand, aiming your face up at his.

"Have you learned your lesson?" He asked. You nodded.

"Yes, sir," you spoke with a creaky voice. He cracked the smallest hint of a satisfied smile.

"Why don't you lean back, my darling"

And so you did. You fell back onto the blankets and watched as your husband finally pulled his shirt over his head and rid himself of his distressed pants. He climbed over you and took your head in his hand again and muttered,

"Now remind me, sweet girl, who's are you," he asked in a firm guiding voice.

"All yours, sir,"

"Wonderful, should I take what's mine then?" He asked in that same tone.

"Please sir," you replied.

Seonghwa leaned down to connect your lips in one sweet kiss that lasted only a moment before pulling away his demeanor changed. Hands ran down your sides pulling your legs to wrap around his thin waist.

"My darling wife, waiting so patiently for me," he mused. The tip of his cock teased your wet entrance, only pushing in the slightest bit but you clenched instinctively regardless.

"Maybe it has been too long," he chuckled darkly in your ear, "I almost forgot how eagerly you wish to be filled," he chided taking the lobe of your ear between his teeth. Your breath hitched, scared to make /the wrong move that would bring this all crashing to a halt.

In one fluid motion, Seonghwa pushed the rest of his length into you to the hilt. You whined desperately at the slightly painful stretch and screwed your eyes shut as the pain morphed into the sweetest pleasure.

"Ready, my darling?" He mumbled into your ear, a slight smirk in his voice.

"Please,"

And so he began. Pulling all the way out before slamming back in with the same force and speed. You cried out again.

Every time his hips met yours for that brief moment you relished in the feeling of being completely filled up by him. His length was long and he used it well. He knew your body well enough to know exactly how to angle your hips to be hitting your more sensitive places inside you every single time he thrust.

You clung desperately to his broad shoulders, allowing your body to become plaint again and for lewd sound to tumble past your lips into his ears. Each sound seemed to give him newfound strength, picking up speed and force every time.

"Oh, my sweet wife, letting me have my way with her," he mumbled, gripping your hip for leverage, the other hand gently caressing your body. "So desperate to be filled," he chuckled. You whined in agreement, pulling yourself tighter to his body as your sensitive walls clung and stretched around him.

"I could fill you up even more darling, would you like that?" He asked, panting slightly at the exertion.

You nodded blindly.

"I could fill you up with my cum, fill you up with my child," he groaned at the thought, "oh you would love that wouldn't you darling, letting me put a child in you," you clenched around his cock once again as he punctuated his words with one, particularly hard thrust into your special spot.

"Yes, sir" you replied breathlessly "please, fill me up with your child," it came out as nothing but a whisper, "want- want your baby,"

"I know you do darling, don't worry," he groaned. You were clenching around him madly and your orgasm was fast approaching. His grip on your hip and turned to iron and your body was convulsing.

"What kind of husband would I be if I didn't give my wife a baby,"

At those words, your body began to convulse. You finally felt that sweet really you had been denied for so long. Your eyes rolled back and your cunt was clenching frantically as the waves of pleasure came over you so strong you lost control of your limbs, crying out weakly Seonghwas name. Seonghwa kept his steady pace all the while until he himself was thrown over the edge.

You recognize the feeling of thick ropes of cum pouring into you. Seonghwas own cries had increased in volume as he emptied inside you. It took several seconds, but when he had finally milked the last of his orgasms from your body he pulled away.

You lay spent but completely content on the bed before him with what could only be described as a dopey smile. He always looked so beautiful when he came and even coming down yourself you had to admire the gorgeous man you married. He cracked his own smile at your face and leaned to give you a lingering kiss. And your eyes dropped closed.

"Go to sleep, darling, ill take care of you in the morning."

[nikomedes]

i wanted to wait till i got my skins to post but. i have acquired a Deck. i have named her the Creature (my gaming desktop is the Beast) and i love her very much so far

specs on the deck, screen protector, skins, etc under the cut, and a little on my experience so far

so i placed my reservation day one for the most basic model of the steam deck, the 64gb w/o the ~special glass~, and was projected to receive in q2. i got my order confirmation email on 5/20, purchased that day, and received fedex tracking info the next day. i received my deck on 5/27. in anticipation of its arrival i ordered a set of 4 tempered glass screen protectors from amazon for $8 (lit just search "steam deck tempered glass" and you'll find what i got), and a 512gb uhs-i micro sd card to expand that pitiful 64gb. after playing with the deck for about a week i put in an order for skins: i got the dbrand steam deck skin in Kind of Purple on the front and black Swarm on the back/touchpads.

(a note on the skins: i find the cuts were of EXCELLENT quality and getting a good result, with minimal wrinkles/warping, is a matter of going very slow, using a lot of heat, and trying to pull the skin off and on during application as little as possible. i really like the feel of both the matte Purple front and the textured hexagonal pattern on the back. idk how much i'm going to like it on the touchpads, but i can always peel the Swarm squares off and put on the Purple that came with the front piece. i think they're a good value for the money, but i wouldn't buy their ultra special tempered glass at $25 for a 2 pack. at the end of the day it's just sticky tempered glass rectangles...)

the steam deck itself-- i REALLY like it. i'm an ideal user for this device, tho: i have a large steam library, i built my own pc so i appreciate the hardware and design work on this, and have become a primarily switch gamer this last year bc my gaming time has gradually shifted more towards an hour or two before bed or work than the 4-8 hour gaming marathons of college. the steam deck fills that niche well. i've picked up and played 3 different games so far (aperture desk job to learn the controls, tacoma, then night in the woods as pictured above) and had a great experience in all of them. even if a game is listed as iffy on the deck, it's worth giving it a shot-- often the biggest issue you'll run into is text size. the deck lets me particularly play smaller indie games i really want to play, but haven't felt up to booting my whole ass pc and sitting down at a desk for since i bought them. i bought tacoma the year it came out and JUST NOW got to it, and loved it! im very excited for how many more small projects the deck will let me finally spend time with because of its portability.

urgh okay switching to bullets to try to better organize my thoughts:

i got the good fan! i haven't found it to be loud at all, but i HAVE found the deck gets hot fast even running non-AAA titles. i actually went and toggled off their new fan settings that minimized when it ran in favor of the old BIOS-based ones. i would rather hear the soft sound of my fan all the time and know the unit's temp is well-regulated, rather than possibly degrade my hardware faster for Silence. glad i have the option to opt in or out of integral device updates, too!

i tried using the deck in desktop mode to install some of my itch.io library with mixed results. the linux desktop is intuitive, if small, and as a firefox user on all devices it was very easy to log in to firefox pre-installed on the device and get all my bookmarks/logins. i was able to download and extract game files from itch. i was even able to run a couple games! unfortunately the input scheme translation issue between the deck and a game running in desktop mode is rough, and the onscreen keyboard can't bridge the gap. i'm going to keep futzing with this, though! i want to play those games and it's definitely (theoretically) possible

the steam deck os is DEFINITELY in beta, and is missing some features big picture mode has. the onscreen keyboard is... bad. but software is a comparatively easy fix, and it's by no means unusable

the ergonomics work well for me! granted, i have big hands, but the button/trigger placements feel very natural, and switching to using the touchpad vs the right analog stick is nothing. for how many buttons they stuck on this thing, i'm impressed they all feel pretty good! it's definitely heavier than the switch and i haven't felt comfortable commuting with it yet. but in my experience so far, preventing wrist strain is as easy as curling up in bed or in a chair and naturally resting some point of the deck on a pillow/arm/side table, which was my same strat with the switch.

i haven't used any bluetooth peripherals yet, so nothing to say there. but it still has a headphone jack. THANK YOU. my god, i missed being able to use some of my best headphones. not to mention p much any gamer headset with headphones and mic routed through one jack.

the case is nice? no room for other items (sd card case, stylus, cable, etc) but it's very solidly built. but again, haven't travelled with the deck yet

right now there's an issue with where shader caches and other supporting data files for games get stored. i've loaded about 300gb of games on my sd so far with no problem, but my deck's default 64gb storage is almost full just from files supporting those games being saved there instead of on the card. as more people get decks, i expect a patch to make sure all files get saved one place or another will come down, though rumor has it there's a linux thing you can run to fix this... but ive been too chickenshit to try running too much on the desktop side that could alter the device's os

whew thats a lot!!! to distill, ive been enjoying this device for what it is: a new piece of tech with some flaws to be addressed, that gives me another way to interact with games i already own, and feels much more transparent in its development (and reparable! i didnt even get into the replacement parts!) than the switch. i really like it, and if you're expecting one or thinking about reserving, i hope this gave you some more info about the experience!

[snugglyporos]

// Okay so... bit of a thing here. 

So back in my day, when Yugioh was a new thing over here in the states, it was the thing that all my friends and I played. Sure, we collected pokemon cards, and we played the games, but in terms of a card game, we all played yugioh in middle-early high school. And this was when it was first released, I’m talking gbc and gba games too. 

We were a bit too young to really get into magic the gathering, though we did later in high school. 

So I put all this out here because I recently tried picking up Master Duel on steam, since it’s free. I played a bit of duel links, and the only thing I can say about that is that the ability to auto duel pretty much is the only reason that is playable. 

But maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m just old, maybe the spark isn’t there anymore but... The game is too damn complicated. It feels like a weird jrpg now. Every card has a complex effect, cards only work with other cards of the same type, you’re basically locked in to playing specific pre-made decks because of this, and there are too many complex mechanics. Xyz, syncro, pendulum... none of this is fun. 

Maybe it’s because I’m an old fart, and when I first heard of the series, there wasn’t a card game, and all the games had to make up rules to figure out how to make it work, but I can’t help but feel like at this point, the whole thing is a mess? 

One thing that I liked about magic the gathering, one of the rare things, is that each time they insert a new edition of cards and mechanics, they retire one of the old ones, so there’s only like, four or five different editions of cards in play at any one time. 

I don’t think that would really help yugioh though? But I feel like it has too many mechanics.

Of course, I say this knowing full well that, when I played the game, the strategy was just ‘fill your deck with monsters that are 4 stars and have either 1900/1800 atk or 2000 def.’ It wasn’t exactly a high strategy game. 

So I guess on some level, the addition of themed decks gives some actual strategy. But the result is that every monster is an effect monster, they all have like 2-3 effects, your extra deck is like 15 cards, you got a billion ritual summons... 

Idk. I can’t tell if it’s just morphed into something that isn’t for me, of if it’s actually bad. Usually, I can tell when something is bad. I don’t know if this is or not. It bugs me. 

[writers-thoughts09]

True Mind, True Heart

Act 1 Chapter 2 (Part 1)

Title: True Mind, True Heart: Act 1 Chapter 2 (Part 1) About 5.7k words Pairing: Zuko x OC (or reader idk, mind you this is like a mega slow burn fanfic so i hope you’re okay with thaaaaat). I don’t own Avatar or the character’s except my OC. Rating: PG, maybe some 13 later on Warning: Mean Zuko, uuuuuh i think that’s it. A/N: I’m so sorry for the majorly late update! I’m doing my best I have a lot planned for this story and I plan to finish this, I hope you guys will follow Lila’s journey with me! :) <3.  I apologize if the fight scenes are choppy and unclear, I’ve never written or broke down a fight scene in writing before. I might go back and fix this later. Tomorrow I’ll post part 2. Anyway without further adieu enjoy the read :)

|Prologue| 1 | 2 part 1 | 2 part 2

*

Act 1: Salvation

The sunset was quite a breathtaking sight to see if someone were to take the time to stop and stare. With the sun warm and low on the horizon, lovely rays of orange light sprawled softly across the sky, creating pink orange and yellow hues. A gradient of shades, begging to be admired. The white clouds that slowly rolled by basked in the mix of colors as they too took some of the sun’s golden tinge. Of course, no one was around to witness this natural piece of art since everyone was busy going about their business, especially on Prince Zuko’s ship.

For hours Lila sat silently in her dingy quarters, no hitch detected in her breathing. Quiet and still like a swamp with dark murky water. Untouched and motionless. Ever since Prince Zuko’s morning lessons, no one’s asked for Lila’s assistance with anything, so, for the remainder of the day, she’s been in her room.

If anyone, say Iroh, were to see her meditating, they would’ve thought she looked exactly like prince Zuko during his meditation sessions. Mimicking what she remembered the night she brought him his dinner Lila sat with her back straight, eyes closed, accompanied by nothing except deep breathing. Even though she imitated the prince’s form and tried to follow Iroh’s teachings from this morning’s lesson, it was like there was a block between her and her element. Like her fingertips would come so close to grazing that certain feeling but were still out of reach from fully grasping it. No matter how hard she’d concentrate to connect with that energy lying dormant inside her, nothing worked.

But finally, after sitting on the uncomfortable floor for who knows how long, Lila began to feel an inkling of that same euphoric peace build within her body again. It was similar to what she felt earlier above deck but slightly different. It was softer, less…magnetic as it ebbed the presence of her emotions away. Specifically, impatience and frustration when lieutenant Jee came knocking and interrupted her a while ago.

With meticulous breaths, Lila drew a smooth inhale in through her nose, filling her lungs, traveling down, expanding her belly, and gently expelled the air from her mouth, the water in her cup rippling in sync. Her heart maintained tempo with her breathing, which was strong and consistent as each beat pulsed through her being.

Though her body was at ease, patience evaded Lila’s mind, blinding her progress as she huffed in irritation. Eyes still closed she shifted her bottom for the umpteenth time. Soft like a feather but sharp like a beak, she drew another breath in, doing her best to maintain what little connection she felt with her element while keeping her frustrations at bay. Just when she was about to exhale, that breath turned into a yelp when a loud boom exploded from beyond the ship.

Like the snap of a rubber band, Lila’s concentration was broken yet again as her eyes flew open. With a start, the sudden noise made Lila jump and pull a small amount of water, which she didn’t notice as she stood up in alarm. Confusion and fear clouded her as she listened for what could’ve possibly made a noise that loud. It sounded like a flare, but Lila wasn’t so sure. “Is it an ambush?...No it couldn’t be; we haven’t had any problems or run-ins with anyone for a long while.”

Lila’s thoughts were going in circles as she rushed to her drawer to grab a fresh piece of cloth she cut up weeks before, tied it over her marred eye before reluctantly opening the door. Silently, a tawny-colored iris peeped down the metal hallways, no benders or guards in sight. However, even if they weren’t down below they might’ve already been above deck when whatever it was went off.

Noiselessly and carefully, with nimble steps like an alley cat, Lila crept through the corridors and up the familiar set of stairs. Mangled fingernails trailed along the metal wall to aid her lack of sight. Once Lila climbed up to the main deck and felt fresh air ruffle the fallen curls from her bun, Lila’s suspicions were confirmed. A bright naval flare signal was falling far out in the snowy distance. She watched, her good eye following its downward path, musing to herself, “Where did it come from though?”

Noticing the absence of prince Zuko, Uncle Iroh, and their men who were usually out and about above deck around this time, Lila glanced around the empty ship then turned to the command tower. Squinting her good eye Lila’s gaze raked up the length of it and stopped at the observation deck’s balcony. As clear as the golden sky she caught sight of the Prince. Half of his scarred face obscured as he peered through the telescope attached to the railing in front of him. Although she couldn’t see gauge what he was feeling, she was certain he figured out what or who signaled that flare and was already directing his next course of action.

When suddenly that same foreboding sensation from before when they first saw the beam of light, roiled around her chest and stomach, leaving Lila uneasy. Why? Well, she didn’t know what to expect. Was it the avatar? A false alarm? She didn’t know and not knowing left a nasty taste in her mouth.

After Prince Zuko finished barking orders at his men, solar colored eyes caught a glimpse of the curly-haired servant below seconds before he continued looking through the telescope. The girl stood by herself with half her face covered, the setting sun illuminating her tanned skin, and looked up at him with -what he could detect- nervousness. Prince Zuko didn’t know as to why nor did he care. The entirety of his focus on capturing the Avatar.

A brown eye fluttered as Lila snapped from her thoughts. Hurriedly she turned and hastened down below to the kitchen. She knew now was not the time to get distracted from her work. Earlier the chef told her he was ill and asked Lila to fill in for him tonight. She agreed though something told her he was lying. Through the maze of corridors and staircases, a passing conversation of a few men could be heard as they rushed by.

One man bumped her shoulder as he hissed, “hurry, we have to dress the Prince, the Avatar’s hiding place has been found. We’re going to the southern water tribe.”

Lila’s eye widened as her breath hitched at the mention of her mother’s sister tribe. If the Avatar is truly alive and has been hiding there for the past hundred years…worry gripped her heart over the safety of the tribes' native people. Although prince Zuko hasn’t engaged in many battles with other ships or neighboring nations, the Fire Lord’s son was a wildly stubborn and determined boy who’d stop at nothing to get what he wanted. Lila didn’t doubt he’d probably leave a trail of chaos in his wake with no regard for the consequences or how it’d affect the lives of others.

Once she entered the empty kitchen Lila rolled her sleeves up and got to preparing dinner, the red dye of her uniform reminding her of the clothes she wore as a child in the palace. As she cooked, she blinked back thoughts she knew all too well. Red uniform

Screams of fear echoing in the palace gardens

A girl in royal garbs

“You’re useless.” ... “Holy-ow!”

A sudden stinging pain roughly pulled Lila from the haze of old memories. In her stupor, Lila didn’t notice how close the knife was while cutting the spring unions and managed to slice her pointer finger. Quickly, the girl staggered away from the kitchen counter, removing the steaming pots and pans with her uninjured hand, and flitted about the kitchen looking for anything to stop the bleeding. She checked all the drawers, cabinets, and pantries as bright red blood continued to ooze over her finger and onto her hand. The throbbing and stinging continued to intensify making Lila bite her lip in pain as she tucked her finger beneath her thumb. Unable to find any clean rags or towels-

“My eye cloth…”

A tug on her heart stopped her search momentarily.

To her, that cloth was like a barricade of some sort to Lila. Sheltering the small girl from being reminded of it…the day she lost-

In summary, her eye patch was the only thing that blocked out the reality of what happened that day. Regardless of how vulnerable she felt without the cloth now was not the time or the place to start feeling insecure or hesitant, she knew that. There was work to be done; rice and meat filleting.

With the cleaning basins for the dishes nearby Lila went toward it to clean her finger and avoid food contamination. It should’ve been cleaned and refilled now that it was close to dinner time. Ready to dunk her hand in the water and wash her bloodied wound she stopped abruptly. The whole bucket was still dirty from lunchtime. Bits and pieces of rice, chicken, and other scraps floated about in the water. With a rough sigh and a curl of a plump lip, Lila closed her eye for a moment.

“I can’t catch a break,” she groaned lowly. Never again was she going to fill in for the chef.

Still, she was a servant…what could she do? Nothing. Before she could change her mind, Lila briskly grabbed the knot of the cloth from behind her head and pulled it free, a few strands of curls ripping from her bun. The milky white of her blinded eye on full display, free of any covering but chained to inhibition. Gloomy hands of her past groped and reached for Lila, but she slapped their searching palms away as she began wrapping her wound. Gentle but sure fingers tied the end of her cloth into a firm knot and she inspected her handiwork with a wistful smile. The memory of her mother’s soft hands dressing the wounds of a child rolled like a movie, replacing the ones Lila usually remembered.

“Lila, you fell again?”

The playful timbre of her mother's low voice filled their backyard. Lila’s childish eyes bubbling with tears raised from the cut on her knee as her mother calmly squatted in front of her fallen form.

“I didn’t mean to mommy. The tree was in my way,” cried her indignant daughter. Laughter rang from her mother, a white bandage appearing in her dark hands, 

“Of course, but you also have to be careful where you’re stepping too, my love.” Knowing her mother was right but still unhappy with that answer, Lila huffed out a sniffle. Tenderly her mom cupped the back of her daughter’s freshly scraped knee and began lecturing, “Here, let’s teach you how to fix wounds, big girls are good at that-”

“Big girls like you, mommy?” A squeaky voice interrupted.

Nuna glanced up at her daughter’s question. Brown innocent eyes that held such curiosity reflected in Nuna’s blue ones she just had to laugh.

“Yes Lila, big girls like me and you.”

Lowering her newly wrapped finger, Lila’s lips fell back into a straight line. She had no time to get lost in her thoughts. Deciding to try and cover her eye with her hair, her uninjured hand pulled her hair free from the fire nation styled top knot. Onyx curls tumbling down the length of her back in one fell swoop, kissing the top of her hips. The overwhelming urge to moan in relief had goosebumps tickle Lila’s spine as the tension of her tight bun dissipated almost instantaneously. She brought her hands up under her hair and aggressively massaged her scalp, both eyes rolling back in pleasure.

“Ahh, yes…” A soft groan rumbled from the back of her throat.

“Ahem.”

“Oh, my goodness!” She gasped.

Whipping toward the kitchen door, hands tangled in her roots, the men from earlier in the hallway were standing there watching her as if they’d found an earth kingdom stowaway. Though the more she watched them with increasingly flushed cheeks, the more she realized they were staring at the eye. Tanned hands flew from her scalp to shake her curls and obscure their sight, but it was futile, they already saw the clouded pigmentation. Involuntarily closing her eye, the servant girl clasped her hands over her stomach and curled into a bow.

“Um, hello,” Lila stuttered but caught herself, remembering her place. Kind professionalism coating her soft question, “how may I be of service to you?”

The man who she heard speak in the corridor collected himself faster than the rest and cleared his throat before announcing,

“We are close to our arrival of the southern water tribe and Prince Zuko has requested your presence to dress him for the capture of the Avatar.”

Alarm colored Lila’s features when she recalled the last time she was alone with the prince. Streams of tears and memories he unintentionally triggered that night played before her. Swallowing down the building discomfort in her throat, Lila straightened up and schooled her worry lines into a controlled smile. She had to remind herself, “The Prince didn’t know.”

Apparently, for the men, Lila’s forced smile mixed with the ghastly mismatched color of her eyes was too much to handle, unable to hide their distaste. Faster than she could stop it, a pang of offense and hurt yanked at her heart, but she managed to stifle and shove the feelings away as she gave another trained bow. Though a question did come to mind.

“I beg your pardon, but may I ask why he requested me specifically? He has never requested this of me before,” words mousy.

Her question only seemed to cause the man to grow irritated, his eyebrow ticking in impatience as major attitude gripped his words, “The prince claimed to be displeased with our services in preparing him. Now, would you please stop talking and do what prince Zuko has asked of you? He’s waiting.”

“What about the food-”

“Servant girl, what did I just say?” The man angrily snapped.

With a flinch, Lila mumbled, “My apologies,” before bowing one last time.

Throwing an “Unbelievable” over his shoulder, he and his two companions turned to leave the kitchen.

His snarky tone made Lila frown and furrow her brows. Oh, this girl had no idea of the colorful range of words Prince Zuko used to describe him and his men! Comparing them to fire ferrets! Ha, the nerve of that prince! On top of a bruised ego, the man now had to deal with a servant who couldn’t even see right and didn’t know when to be quiet and simply serve! Lila watched them exit the kitchen, soft frown still intact as she cocked her head to the side.

With them gone, Lila moved the last bits of uncooked food away from the fire as she rushed to the prince’s quarters. With one hand on the wall, Lila hotfoot it through the twists and turns of the dim-lit hallways and up the main stairs. The frigid wind stung her cheeks, her servant's uniform doing nothing in keeping her warm as she speed-walked toward the command tower. However, it did help now that her hair was unrestrained, long curls shielding her arms from the nights southern cold. All but running into the tower, warmth immediately licked at her body. The fire emanating heat and light from the wall torches eased the stiffness of her shivering joints. Her relief was short-lived when she remembered that Prince Zuko’s room was still a few floors up. With a pout and a whimper, Lila began jogging the rest of the way toward her master’s room.

Once she reached his metal door, a winded Lila lifted her bandaged hand and softly knocked, a throb of pain shooting down her finger as she waited. Like usual, the gravelly voice of the prince commanded her to come in.

Using both hands, the petite girl turned the large cogwheel and pried the door open. Identical to last time, she peered into his room, took one cautious step in and hesitantly called out,

“You’ve requested my assistance, Prince Zuko?”

Mindful of the eye, Lila discreetly pushed some hair and hid it from view. The reaction of the men before told Lila it’d be better to keep her disability hidden if it was that distracting.

“Yes, come quickly. I want to be ready by the time we reach the southern water tribe.”

Judging from the clam raspy tone of voice, Lila concluded that The Prince wasn’t angry and carefully entered, closing the door behind her.

Near his meditation table, Prince Zuko stood like any fire nation soldier would with the usual scowl on his lips. As Lila inched in front of him she could already see that the straps holding his fire nation armor together were tied in all the wrong places. Being alone and in such close proximity to the brooding prince, Lila felt her nerves begin to quake. No way did she want a repeat of last time, anxiety sprouting from her chest. The tension was palpable in the room. The lack of conversation didn’t help either as she thought of what Prince Zuko and his men might do to the people living in that tribe. Though she’s never been to the northern or southern water tribe, they were still her mother’s people, thus making them part of her kin.

“Will they do what the fire nation did to my village, too? We didn’t even have the Avatar either and they still ravaged my village.”

In an attempt to silence her thoughts, Lila gingerly grabbed the chords holding the chest piece of his armor together and set to work. Her eyes trained solely on his battle wear. Cautious of her injury Lila made sure to keep her finger from touching him. Any bump or jostle hurt. Though her fingers, minus her pointer, were moving, her mind remained on the tribe's native people.

Zuko looked straight ahead as the shaky but lithe digits of the servant – Lila, was it? - untied and retied the straps in the correct places. The reason why he called for her specifically was that he figured she’d know how to do this from her years of servitude at the palace. Before his banishment, before that fateful day. As thoughts of his family started to prod the strongholds of his mind, Prince Zuko didn’t see Lila peek up at him from the side of his shoulder until he heard her low voice fill the thick quiet of his room.

“What’re you going to do to them?”

Like an arrow, sharp and precise, prince Zuko’s stare shot to her own, making Lila’s eyes widened in surprise. She expected him to be looking straight ahead if he were to answer her.

Breaking eye contact with him, Lila looked down and closed her blinded eye desperately hoping he didn’t see it as she went to fix the strings behind him. Erratic. That’s how Lila’s heartbeat felt. But yes, Zuko fully saw the milky hue of her eye. He too had a similar reaction like the three men, but not one of distaste or disgust. Just surprise, but he soon discarded what the feeling once he processed what she asked.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your concern, servant.”

Cold with an edge of warning. That’s all Lila could sense wrapped around his heated words. Especially when he said her name. Now onto the left shoulder greave, Lila peeked at him again. He was looking straight ahead, his face taut with contemplation? Lila couldn’t tell. With a beat of hesitation, she licked her lips. She could already tell he was beginning to lose patience. If she were to say another word, she didn’t doubt he’d snap. Her brain was telling her not to say anything, she was walking on thin ice that was melting fast, but her mouth felt differently.

“May I speak Prince Zuko?”

“No, you may not. Finish fixing this and go. I don’t need to hear what you have to say,” Prince Zuko snapped in restraint.

All while arguing with herself, Lila moved to squat in front of him and began tying the laces of his shin guards. She did not want to witness another fire nation attack on any village again, especially when innocent people are involved. Though she felt if she were to talk out of turn, prince Zuko would surely lose his patience and probably punish her. Besides, what could someone like her do, realistically? No one has ever listened to her. She has no voice, but still. They are my people, too. I have to try.

Opening and closing her mouth Lila fought to push the words out.

“The water tribe did nothing-”

Unnaturally warm hands cut through her sentence and seized her wrists as she was forcefully pulled up from the floor and against Prince Zuko’s armor-clad form. Strands of curls unintentionally tangling in his grasp. Chest to chest, with Zuko holding her wrists and hair between them, he glared down at Lila. Fear radiated off her body in waves. She felt way too exposed without her eye patch and a dull ache throbbed from her finger when her hands bumped against his armor. White and brown eyes flickered between golden ones before looking around the room to avoid his stare, but to no avail. Calloused fingers laced with hair firmly, but not painfully, gripped her jaw turning her face to his, thumb pressing into her cheek.

Patience completely evaporated, Prince Zuko ground out, “I told you not to speak, didn’t I?”

With shuddering breaths and petrified eyes, Lila could only nod faintly. Paralyzed by his overwhelming build the words on her tongue melted, sliding down her throat. Releasing her jaw, Prince Zuko let go of her wrists, strands of hair snagging on his fingers as he dropped his hand. Lila winced from the sudden plucks of her curls. Shaking the hair off he rubbed the bridge of his nose, shut his weary eyes and sighed,

“Finish the last shin guard and leave.”

No reply came from the young girl as she dropped and tied the shin greave. A slight tremor in her hands. Once she was done she stood up with her head hanging low.

“I’ve finished Prince Zuko, do you require anything else before I go?”

“No.”

Long hair cascaded over her shoulders as Lila bowed. Rising back up she somehow managed to calmly exit the prince’s quarters, his eyes narrowing on her retreating form the whole time. With the loud thud of his metal door closing, both Lila and Prince Zuko let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding.

Lila had half a mind to go to uncle Iroh’s room and talk with him about what his nephew was planning to do. Talk with him about how the Prince was nothing like what Iroh describes him as but decided against it since he was most likely napping. It was hard for her to believe there was kindness in the Prince’s heart when all she’s ever seen from him was anger and rage. You could see his brutality and hate in the way he bended, too. Once she exited the command tower the sun was still hanging onto the horizon, waiting for someone to look at what it created, but a thick mist now covered the expanse of the water the ship navigated. When out of the blue, loud crackling emanated below the ship. Lila ran to the front and hunched over the edge of the railing to see what was going on.

Squinting through the mist, she saw the ship’s hull was no longer sailing on water but breaking and cracking through solid ice. Snapping her head up Lila saw the ground splitting toward the water tribe’s village! One large jagged fault traveling right through the middle of it. Prince Zuko’s ship rammed through the iced floor like it were a piece of paper. Lila couldn’t help but panic internally, they were coming extremely close to the water tribe!

“If this ship doesn’t stop we’re going to run right through!” she gasped in horror.

From what she could see in the vapory haze, the southern water tribe was quaint. A wall made of snow circled the tribe, acting as a barricade. Small igloos littered within. From behind, the sound of the Prince and his men’s shoes clanked across the deck toward the front of the ship, preparing to disembark. Anxiety, fear, and apprehension swirled within her. This scene hitting way too close to home for her liking. She never signed up for this, well she didn’t sign up for this at all, but still. The three years she’s been on this ship she never really thought about what capturing the avatar looked like or being there to see it. All Lila knew was she didn’t like where this was headed at all. The prospect of the past repeating itself right before her eyes scared her.

When she turned to watch them pass Lila’s eyes caught prince Zuko’s for a brief moment. Again, he found nervousness swimming in her stare, and again, he didn’t care.

Finally, the ship came to a halt with an ominous screech. Powerless, Lila watched with bated breath. Her eyes flitting between the native people down below and Prince Zuko’s men. She swore her heart was going to pop out of her chest from how hard it was pounding it almost hurt. Suddenly the hull of the ship dropped, turning into a makeshift ramp, a loud thud resonating in the air. The ship's metal easily overpowered the tribe's barrier, the snow crumbling as it gave into its weight.

Faintly Lila could hear a feminine voice yelling for someone to get out of the way. The shrill scream making Lila’s heart drop and then kick up in speed, assuming the worst. It felt like her feet were bolted to the floor as she helplessly watched the Prince and his firebenders disembark the ship. Visibly shaking, Lila leaned over the front of the ship again to see, legs feeling like they were going to give out any moment.

From her spot, she could see Prince Zuko and his guards disembarking and a young water tribe boy with war paint coating his tanned skin, belt out a war-like cry as he charged up the ramp at Prince Zuko. The boy’s weapon of choice, a water tribe club, raised high over his head. He was easily overtaken. Lila winced when the Prince’s leg side swept the boy's club out of his hand, then kicked him in the face, sending the boy flying off the side of the ramp and into the snow. Lila could hear Iroh’s voice in the back of her head talking about how he knew his nephew wasn’t as corrupted as his other family members, but what she was seeing now proved otherwise. He was unlike what Iroh always tried to tell her. The Prince was brutal.

Zuko continued walking down the ship as if nothing happened. His steps were powerful and determined. The people of the tribe huddled up in one big group, trepidation and terror embedded in all of their blue eyes. With the men of the village off to war, Zuko was unsurprised to see the ones that remained were the women and children, except for the war-painted boy if you’d count him as a man. However, the longer no one spoke the more time was wasted in capturing the Avatar. The silence was so tense Lila felt it up on the ship. Zuko stopped in front of the crowd, his eyes sizing up each woman and child until his glare stopped on this one girl holding onto the arm of an elderly lady.

“Where are you hiding him?”

When no one spoke, both Lila and the young girl gasped when the banished Prince roughly pulled the elderly lady from the girl’s grasp.

“He’d be about this age? Master of all four elements?” Zuko demanded, shaking the woman by her for emphasis.

Again, no one answered him, they were all stunned in silence and fright. After a beat of quiet, Prince Zuko carelessly shoves the old woman back into the young girl’s arms. Both water tribe women gasping. Lila watches worriedly, praying up above that this village will be spared from the fire nation’s fury. Even from the ship, Lila saw the Prince tense up in frustration and knew what he was going to do next and whispered “no,” as he launched a wave of fire inches above the villager's heads. The women and children screamed and cowered before him.

“I know you’re hiding him!”

Below her, Lila saw the water tribe boy free himself from the snowy confines he was kicked into, the majority of his face free of paint as he picked up his club and ran at Zuko once more with another loud battle cry. At the last second, Zuko turned toward the annoyingly loud boy and dodges the boy’s attack, flipping him over his head when he swiped at the Prince. When he hit the ground Zuko punched another blistering fireball at him. Luckily, the tanned boy gathers himself rolling away from the blast, swiftly retrieving a boomerang that was strapped to his back and throws it at the Fire Lord’s son. It surprised both Lila and Zuko with how fast and strong he threw it, the air whistling as it narrowly missed the Prince’s face. Even where Lila was standing the boomerang would’ve whacked her in the face if she didn’t duck in time. All the while her eye followed the boomerang’s path. The boy was stronger than he looked.

“Even without bending,” Lila hopefully thought, “he’s handling himself well against the Prince. Maybe…this village won’t be ransacked.”

A growl erupts from the Crown Prince’s throat before he can shoot more fire at the irritating boy who just won’t quit, a little water tribe child cries out,

“Show no fear!” Throwing a fishing spear made of bone at his opponent. Again, he charged at Zuko, the spear positioned like he was going to run him through, but the Prince was prepared. “He lacks training,” Zuko gathered, easily breaking the spear in half with his wrist guards. He then snatched the bone rod from the boy’s hands, poking him repeatedly in the head with the butt of it until he fell on his bottom, and broke it in half again before throwing it to the ground.

On the ship, Lila’s eye followed the boomerang as it curled back around and headed back to the owner who threw it. With her eyes still on the weapon, she gradually turned and watched it spin at dizzying speed before it slammed into the back of Prince Zuko’s helmet with a loud thwack. Her eyebrows quirked in surprise as she wondered if the water tribe boy planned for that to happen, but her face fell when she saw the Prince standing menacingly over the boy’s fallen form. Fire jet out from his tightly clenched fists, the orange embers creating a dagger-like weapon.  

For a moment, Lila feared for what Prince Zuko would do to him, but surprise quickly overtook her as another younger boy, maybe about twelve or so, with a bald head and peculiar clothing zoomed through the middle of the fight out of nowhere riding on the back of a penguin. In the child’s hands was a staff as the penguin flew right under Zuko’s feet, sweeping his legs out from under him. The young servant girl gasped when the Prince fell over, the village children cheering for the child all the while. The said child sped past the kids sending up a wave of snow splattering them all in the face, their cheers ceasing for a moment at the unexpected smattering, but continued yelling anyway. At this point, as much as Lila was concerned over the fate of the water tribe, she didn’t know if it was morally okay for her to laugh at the ridiculousness of what just happened.

Still, relief filled her heart knowing that Prince Zuko’s plan of capturing the Avatar wasn’t going according to plan. No village, town, citadel, or nation should be destroyed in finding the Avatar. Her heart and mind were conflicted. Although she did want the Prince’s banishment to end, she didn’t think this was the right way of doing it. She remembered the stories her father told her about Fire Lord Sozin killing all the airbenders to find and end the Avatar cycle.

Briefly, Lila faintly heard the kid happily greet the boy and girl, their names being ‘Katara’ and ‘Sokka’, with Sokka dryly thanking the child, who she heard him call ‘Aang’, for coming. Lila’s eyes flicker between Prince Zuko and Aang, both of them assuming a defensive fighting stance as Zuko’s men circle Aang, closing in on him. Suddenly the kid swings his staff, and with each swing, he sends snow at the guards blowing them away. With the Prince being the last one standing Aang sends another blast of snow at him, but he was unmoved, uncle Iroh’s firebending lessons paying off.

“Looking for me?”

Processing everything the child managed to do in under ten seconds, Lila’s brows furrowed. He managed to disarm and beat all of Prince Zuko’s men like it was nothing just by throwing snow at them. At first, she thought he was a waterbender but he didn’t move like one. His fighting style was different from what her mother tried to teach her and different from what she’s seen earthbenders and firebenders do. It was unlike anything she’s ever seen. On top of that, the arrow on his head and the unusual choice of clothing he wore was vastly unfamiliar from the clothes in her hometown and the fire nation. Her eyes widened in realization. No, this child couldn’t be- Prince Zuko voiced her incredulity, the snow Aang bent at him melting off his shoulders and fists, “You’re the airbender? You’re the Avatar?”

~

A/N: OKAYYYYY!!! Just so you know I want you guys to keep Zuko’s “Contemplation?” face in mind. There’s a few things I want you guys to catch in part 2. Sorry if it was slow paced. I hope you enjoyed it and please excuse any grammatical errors. Have a blessed day! Chapter three may come later cuz I have a zuko request I want to write!

Taglist (If i missed anyone PLEASE let me know :))

@bangtanboyswriting123 @bookedforevermore @agentsofblinks @lilmou5ie @eury-dice3 @shephard17895 @duh-dobrik @yourlivewire @luleck @oraclebirds

[kitten-keith]

Horrid Self Indulgence

Wrote this long thing and now it’s gone cause I posted it to the wrong account and copy paste didn’t work so /fuck me/ anyway.

The whole following fic is purely self indulgent garbage, thus the name (it’s even called this in my google docs because I HAD A PLAN for what I was doing and it was supposed to be insanity) though as usual things get derailed and Idk. I had wanted to get into the hijinks of this concept but lost steam after starting the second bit. But the first bit can stand alone. ish. I guess.

Idk. It’s all completely ridiculous though so idk have fun.

Klance, slightly intoxicated, sharing a bed, Keith is uncomfortable AF and Lance is trying to be chill about it. Weird head shit and accidental rituals. You’ll see. Seriously. Horrid self indulgence.

-----

It was a pleasant moment between comrades that went horribly, heinously, horrifically wrong. 

And if that’s what bonding with Keith friggin Kogane gets him then absolutely not, never again.

It was such a simple stupid fuck up. How was he supposed to know?!

They were at a dinner, stumbling awkwardly through an alien planets customs, trying unsuccessfully to pretend they were okay with the garbs they’d been forced to wear and that the food didn’t make them nauseous when Lance had made the biggest mistake ever and looked at Keith. 

See, because he was the leader his attire had to display this-this—nobility. And god, Keith was anything but noble. He was sitting to the right of the planet’s leader, Allura across from him, and he looked like they might as well have sat him at the kids table with how his brows furrowed and he looked at the ground like he was trying not to cry.

His face was red enough to match the silk scarf loosely clinging to his shoulders and his thumbs rubbed absently over his ungloved hands. He was bare aside from the scarf and a darker one wrapped around his waist for modesty that he’d had to fight for. Apparently this planet had no concept of an external penis or whatever and needed to be educated on human biology before they gave in to Keith’s demands. 

The whole thing was about respect, leaving yourself bare to show you had nothing to hide, but to remind everyone of his station the locals had him decked out in jewels from head to toe. They were braided into his hair, dangling from thin chains across his chest, Lance was positive there was some sort of jeweled sandal decorating his tiny delicate toes too. 

(And not because he paid attention to that sort of thing. Just. Ya know. Shiny shit.) 

Allura was actually dressed about the same though being a woman with no external penises she was actually way nakeder than Keith. And, as she was a full on princess they’d given her a whole slew of silver that had strategically covered all necessary bits that Lance’s mother might have flinched at. 

Not that Allura seemed to give a fuck in the slightest and even seemed to enjoy it as she spoke animatedly to the world leaders, the jewels on her body making small clinking noises with every movement. 

Lance had spotted perfect (and he means perfect) dark nipples exactly 16 times since they’d all sat down to their meal and absolutely couldn’t take it anymore so that was when he’d turned his attention to Keith. 

And somehow had been unable to turn away from him since.

The other Paladins were stripped some and given a few shiny baubles. Lance himself was wearing flowy pants slit up the sides over the dark boxers he’d thankfully been allowed to continue wearing. A couple gold plated necklaces and an arm band and he was good to go. Lance has no issue being topless and actually kinda liked the style. Hunk was a bit more uncomfortable, same pants, same boxer treatment (his were white with yellow suns on them, Lance clapped him on the back for unintentionally matching.) 

Hunk had the same kind of jewelry too but try all he might he couldn’t drop his hands from where they were wrapped around his chest.

He said he was cold repeatedly but lance figured he was just self conscious and offered him plenty of wolf whistles back in their dressing rooms because “man hunk you wanna bench press me later cause those arms are making me weak~!” 

But sadly it didn’t seem to work. 

Pidge was an interesting sell. Same bottom situation in her signature green but she’d also managed to get away with a pair of socks that she was no longer wearing on her feet.

They were providing just a hint more cover for her chest after she’d wrapped Lance’s, Hunks’s, and her own scarf around herself like a makeshift halter top. The locals hadn’t liked it and Allura had tried to explain that female breasts were nothing to be ashamed of but Pidge’s size and thus assumed age had granted her the “let the child be” excuse. 

And sure, Lance was a grown man who was all for equality and free the nipple and aaallll that jazz but if they had forced his pseudo baby sister to go topless he might have lost his absolute shit and gotten them all sent back to the castle. 

Not that that would have been the worst thing at this point because then he wouldn’t be staring at Keith like this— to avoid staring at Allura! Of course— and then he wouldn’t have gotten elbowed in the side by the Pidgeling and gotten the funny look from Hunk and nah man okay. 

Lance wasn’t ogling the leader of voltron. 

He wasn’t. 

He was just. 

Uh. 

Worried about him. 

Yeah, that’s right. Worried. 

Which was what lead him to follow Keith’s retreating form the second they were allowed to adjourn for the night. 

It’s what compelled him to bump his shoulder and wave a hand in greeting. 

And maybe that pout had something to do with Lance’s laughing, throwing his arm over his shoulders, and ushering him to his room for the night. 

“Come on dude, I've got something for you, stashed from that one planet with the abomination? You know the one… Kell? Krell? It’s good okay, better than what they just tried to feed us. Take the edge off.” 

Take the edge off. 

Famous last words? 

Keith groaned and wrapped his arms around himself tightly but nodded and willingly turned off course from his own room. Lance wondered if this was so easy because he’d been so beaten down by the day or because he actually found solace in Lance’s company. 

He didn’t have the nerve to ask and instead simply sauntered into his room, leaving Keith to stand idly by the newly shut door. 

“It tastes better than nunville but it’s a little stronger so you’re gonna wanna sip at it okay?” 

Keith nodded but his eyes looked glassy, like he wasn’t actually listening. 

Lance moved to his temporary rooms vanity setting and shuffled through his bottles of toiletries. When they’d decided to indulge the locals in their customs and stay a few nights basking in their hospitality Lance had been told to pack quickly but he hadn’t forgotten anything important. This included the little silver pouch that he’d somehow barely touched since keeping it with him all this time. 

He opened the pull top with his teeth to take a small sip before offering it to Keith who was still standing right against the door as if he was afraid to move. Considering how loose the scarf around his waist looked, he might have been. 

He did look… good though. 

Remarkably so. 

Amidst the finery and the sheer and silk fabrics, his hair in a loose braid over one shoulder and that almost permanent flush across his cheeks, he was beautiful and adorable and stunning all at once and it was doing ridiculous things to Lance’s chest. He almost regretted taking the sip that he did because he worried about what he might let slip aloud, looking at Keith like that, but as the alien substance travelled down his throat and warmed his body he kept his wits. He felt the buzzing under his skin but retained his sense. He was here to offer Keith a moment to relax. Nothing more.

He walked over to Keith and instead of handing him the pouch he resealed it and held it softly under one arm as he reached out with both hands for Keith’s waist. 

Keith flinched so hard his back hit the door, “what are you doing?!”

Lance rolled his eyes, pushing closer and grabbing on to the scarf around his waist tugging and tightening it for him. 

“Looked like you were having trouble.”

Keith’s flush was so hot Lance could practically feel it.

Poor thing. 

“Right… thanks…” he stayed against the door but took the pouch when Lance offered it. 

Lance turned to walk over to his bed and make himself comfortable and by the time he turned his attention back to Keith the boy was swallowing.

“You remembered what I said about that stuff being hard hitting… right?”

Keith shrugged.

Took another sip. (This one looked more like a sip at least. Maybe Lance wouldn’t have to carry him back to his room later.)

He sealed the stopper and looked around the room briefly before walking in the straightest line imaginable to sit on the foot of Lance’s bed, holding the pouch out to him again. 

Lance considered it, wondering if it would help or hinder his case to not make a fool of himself with Keith looking like that and decided why not. Besides, he could pace himself, unlike some people. 

When he finished taking his last sip, feeling the warmth and the contentment sitting in his stomach as he leaned back on his elbows on his bed, he hummed to himself and shut the top, putting it to the side. 

Keith shuffled around so his back was to the bed post and he placed his hands over his lap uncomfortably.

“So uh. Was—was that it?”

“Chill Keith. You’ve been looking so tightly wound today I figured you could use a break.” 

Keith visibly paled and moved to curl in on himself but thought better of it. His thumbs started to track back and forth over his fingers though. Bad sign. 

“Relax!” Lance demanded, stretching the vowel sounds to make it more playful. 

Keith neglected to heed this order and instead looked away. 

“Look, I doubt it’ll cause any problems, everyone knows their customs made you uncomfortable. Here, if you want you can go ahead and get under the covers.” Lance reached behind him and pulled up the bed sheets. It would help his own situation too. Cover Keith and that pretty skin of his up. Put that beautiful body away because his own was starting to get ideas he didn’t need. 

He remembered Allura looking just as beautiful if not more so and it helped for a second to feel better mentally but he was still fighting not to be turned on next to half naked (that was being generous) Keith. 

“That might actually be… are you sure? I could just— leave. I could leave.”

Lance rolled his eyes. 

“Would you chill if you left or would you stay up all night worrying about the kinds of impressions you’re leaving?”

Keith was silent. His thumb disappeared behind his pointer to dig his little blunt nail into his middle. 

“Get in the bed. Let me tell you stories.” 

Keith’s eyes lit up at that and for a moment he started forward to crawl across the bed toward where the sheets were up, but he stopped himself again. 

Lance sighed.

“Feeling exposed?”

Keith nodded.

“You know we showered together back at the garrison right? I’ve seen you naked. Completely naked. And lathered.”

Of course, this was before Lance’s full sexual awakening and before Keith had filled out like he did with those abs and thighs for days but uh— that wasn’t a necessary addition to the conversation it just wasn’t. 

Keith still flushed like a tomato and it made Lance’s little traitorous heart do a flip.

“Right right. I forget you didn’t even remember me from the garrison.” Lance offered sardonically, trying to shift the mood. 

Keith bit his lip. Man, even that looked good. Lance wanted to bite that lip. He could just see it. Lip to lip with Keith Kogane groaning out. Lance’s hand on his shoulder pushing him back on the bed, the other reaching beneath him to get a nice big handful of that round perky ass—

Okay. 

Okay maybe Keith shouldn’t get under the covers. 

Maybe he should leave. 

He should leave. 

He should—

Keith started to mumble something when Lance turned away and shut his eyes. 

“Alright you have ten seconds, go on princess.”

It was silent for a moment. 

Lance squeezes his eyes shut tightly because this was the exact opposite of what he was supposed to be doing.

“10.” 

But he was doing it.

“9”

There was the sound of Keith shuffling behind him, pulling up the sheets more and crawling into bed. He was getting comfortable by the time Lance reached 3 and Keith spoke up telling him he could stop. 

Lance nodded and turned around so he could face Keith, continue conversations, see if he could find a relevant story in his brain about his family or something simple back home that would help Keith unwind. 

Instead he was struck a bit dumb by Keith snuggled under his (always color coded) blue bed sheets, his inky black hair splayed out on the pillow. Lance had always thought Keith’s eyes were this remarkable shade of blue but surrounded by all the blue in his bed Lance realized he was wrong. They were clearly more of a violet, wide and staring at him under lashes that were too long and too elegant for a guy who made a living kicking furry alien chinchillas in the face.

And with that thought came the image of Keith kicking ass, those muscle toned legs under skin tight space suits…

Now basically bare and in his bed. 

Naked. 

Naked Keith in his bed. 

Naked Keith in his bed staring at him expectantly like— like—

Right. Right he was waiting for a story. 

Okay. 

Lance flopped onto his side, too close to Keith but in an effort to remain comfortable and casual it had to be done, and went back to racking his mind for an idea that didn’t involve pressing his body as close to Keith’s as physically possible. 

Something jingled as he went down and he remembered the abundance of jewels that had been decorating Keith’s body. 

There were still a few left in his hair that he seemed to not care about but it looked like the little jeweled sandals were there, as were the ones that had decorated his arms.

It took him a second but Lance scooped them up and put them on the bedside table before getting comfortable again. 

“Oh okay so, let me tell you about the time my big sister Veronica brought home the biggest stupidest “boyfriend” she could find…” 

Lance could see Keith smile just beneath the blanket. 

He reached out and started to pick the jewels out of Keith’s hair as he spoke, occasionally running his fingers through it. If Keith had a complaint he didn’t voice it. Besides, just because it was styled stupid didn’t make it any less soft.

By the time Lance got to the big reveal of the story, the part where Veronica had hired the guy to piss off their dad over an argument they’d had about Veronica’s openness to bringing a girlfriend home (maybe, in the future), Keith had completely knocked out.

And for some reason, Lance thought that was alright.

They could totally just. Sleep in the same bed. No problem.

With Keith wearing nothing but a silk scarf.

He thought this was a perfectly good idea as he showered and put on a fresh pair of boxers and crawled under his sheets to the sound of Keith’s light breathing.

He was a little dizzy, but forgot that the biggest after effect of inebriation was poor judgement, and easily curled up next to Keith.

Keith, who was just awake enough to take Lance’s hand.

Lance thought it was adorable.

Because Keith was adorable. 

And Lance wanted to be touching his skin like this (sort of) anyway.

It worked for him. 

He was sleepy too.

So sleepy he lapsed almost instantly into dreams.

Dreams of Allura dancing just out of his reach. Of her nonchalance at his flirting and efforts to be noticed by her. Making him feel useless. Undesirable. Unworthy.

He was so pathetic.

Keith’s voice was in his head. 

Telling him how kind he was. How sweet he was.

“I couldn’t do any of this without you Lance.”

“I need you.”

“I hope you know that. I hope you know that—if you could see yourself how I see you…”

“Lance you’re so…”

“I want…”

“I wish…”

Keith was at his side. Mumbling those nothings into his ear in little breathy sighs. 

It felt nice. 

It was nice to hear. 

Nice to feel Keith pressing in beside him.

“I wish you could see what I see in you… love yourself as much as I do...Lance, I…”

Well this was awfully self indulgent of him. Dreaming of a Keith who would say those kinds of things. As if the real Keith capital L Loved him. 

Like Lance hadn’t spent years trying to get his attention the same way he had with Allura too. 

As if he hadn’t gotten shot down with every attempt to—

“I liked you then too! I was just… afraid to let anyone in…”

“Liar, you didn’t even remember me.”

“That was the lie…”

“That was…?”

“You were so cute… always trying so hard… always going the extra effort to make people smile or laugh… I always thought you were…”

“You liked me back at the garrison? Like... one smoothie two straws, like-like…?”

Keith turned away, rolling onto his side. Face probably flushed a deep crimson again. Man he was so cute…!

“Like write your name in my notebook with a bunch of hearts, like-like… yeah.”

Extremely self indulgent dream. 

But Lance was gonna take it.

He squeezed himself close to Keith’s body, wrapping an arm around his chest as Keith jumped.

“And now you…?”

“Now I…”

It was silent. 

Lance tried to ignore how perfectly Keith’s ass cheeks felt pressed to his crotch.

He felt naked.

Naked Keith in his bed. Saying all these pretty hopeful things...What a perfect dream…

Lance gently bumped his hips. He couldn’t help it, and it was his dream after all right?

Keith was silent, but reached a hand back to slide down Lance’s waist, breathing loud.

Was that how Lance’s mind worked? Show me a love confession followed by an immediate bone. 

Lance’s wet dreams were clearly things of substance.

“Do you love me?”

He bumped his hips again. His dick hardening fast.

Keith’s fingers dug into Lance’s boxers, applying just enough pressure to drive him forward, keep him pressed to his ass.

“I do… do you…?”

“Hmm… never thought about it before.”

Keith made a low unhappy noise.

“I def love your face… your so fucking pretty face…” 

Keith went silent again. Lance ground his hips against him and his hard cock was finding a very comfortable place right between his cheeks. 

“And I love this body...your ass is heaven, Keith, wish you could feel this...” 

Keith was definitely naked. Naked enough that Lance was desperate to get out of his boxers. 

How could his dream provide him perfectly naked love confessing Keith and not leave Lance equally perfectly naked?

Sense, where was it?

“I love how brave you are… stupid and reckless and it drives me insane with worry. But brave.” 

Keith backed into Lance’s lap, rolling his hips and made Lance’s mind stutter.

“I love how—how much you care about things even when you don’t show it… I love your laugh…”

He could feel Keith’s entire body against his front, a single useless silk scarf around his waist, the rest probably lost somewhere in the bed. His hand found one of Keith’s nipples and he started to slowly rub his fingers around the nub causing Keith to raise his chest into the touch a bit more with a small high pitched sound.

“I love how you hum during flight simulations and I always leave coms open so I can hear you…”

With Keith raising his chest for Lance’s hand it gave him a moment to slip his other hand underneath him. He pinched his nipple between his thumb and forefinger once before sliding that first hand down the span of his body. Feather light touches over the ridges of his abs, loving the way Keith twitched and rocked harder back into Lance. 

“I love how unbelievably dense you could be sometimes, you’re such a mess you’re perfect—” Lance moved his head so he was right against Keith’s ear for the word “perfect” but lost his nerve when he dropped his face into the back of Keith’s neck, “What am I saying… of course I love you.”

Did Lance have feelings for Allura? Yes. Did he wish she’d reciprocate? Yeah. 

Did Lance feel guilty about indulging himself in a dream with someone who he also had some very strong (possibly stronger) feelings for? No, not at all. 

Because real talk? If Keith had said half of this in real life Lance’s heart would have combusted and he would have kissed the life out of him by now—

Because that was just what Keith did to him sometimes. 

He just… blew his mind with how much he could make Lance feel. 

Christ.

Good lord.

He hadn’t taken advantage of the opportunity to kiss him yet. 

He reached up with the arm that was beneath Keith, his hand spreading wide over his neck to grab his jaw and tentatively guide him to face him. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Keith’s hips ground back hard as he laughed, “you’re asking that now?”

He was right. 

Besides, kinda stupid to ask permission from a dream right? 

“Stupid stupid me, right?” 

“Stop that.”

“Right let’s get to the smooching.”

“Yeah alright I take it back.”

“If you love me you have to love all of me.”

Lance could practically hear Keith rolling his eyes. 

“Hey it’s my dream—“

And it was absolutely superpowered. Maybe there was something in his drink that had different properties on this planet because when Keith parted his lips and lifted his head they had never looked so inviting in his life. He had to stop himself mid sentence to dive for those lips.

Smashed up his nose a little bit on Keith’s cheek which he was sure he would have felt too if this wasn’t a dream but Lance didn’t care because he was kissing Keith Kogane.

And yes. He’d had plenty of dreams where he’d kissed Keith. Plenty of dreams where they’d made out on the rec room floor or the garrison showers or had sex in reds cockpit. 

But they had never ever felt like this.

His brain practically fizzled out. 

He felt Keith’s tongue against his and then suddenly it was gone.

Felt like he was falling, disoriented. Someone (Keith?) reached out to catch him. Dug little blunt nails into his arm in panic.

“Lance—what—“

The dream shifted. Lance was alone, floating in an empty pool, naked and confused and annoyed.

The water was cold but didn’t make him shiver. 

There was a splash in the distance, and Lance hoped it was Keith but he couldn’t see anything. Time passed and he started to lose sense of where he or the water began. 

He’d have given anything to be back with Keith. 

What a shitty way to end his dream…

When he woke up his throat was dry, like he’d had too much to drink the night before and his head spun a bit. 

He sat up and found he was on the far side of the bed where Keith had gone to sleep. Didn’t even see Keith, so maybe he’d gotten up earlier and Lance had managed to settle into place where his body heat had been. 

Of course that was for mere moments before he glanced to the opposite side of his bed and found… himself?

He also realized very suddenly he was buttnaked with only a silk scarf tied loosely around his hips and his hair was long enough to tickle his shoulders.

He looked down at himself and saw the expanse of absolutely flawless Keith body, down to the little dark hairs just under that useless scarf.

Lance wasn’t sure why he did it, but he reached down to grab himself in his palm (Keith in Keith’s palm??) And was immediately overwhelmed by the sensation of it. He had to bite his lip to keep quiet and fell back on the bed hard as his hand tightened to seek out the feeling. He was partially hard already and from the feeling of it he must have been suffering all night.

But excuse you Lance. This isn’t your body what are you doing? 

Dreaming? Still? Could have sworn he was very much awake now…

He forced himself to stop, noting quietly that he was absolutely not going to forget what it felt like, and looked over at his own body. 

Had to be a dream. 

Had to be.

He shut his eyes, letting his finger tips graze over the inside of Keith’s thighs because dream or no there were so many nice things about that he was gonna keep doing it.

Well until someone shook him awake (again?) 

It was strange seeing an expression that was so clearly Keith, puzzled with furrowed brows and tight lips, on his own face. 

But there it was. 

Staring at him like he was the strangest mystery in the known universe. Which, to be fair, if he was still wearing Keith’s face he kind of was. (And kind of had to be considering he definitely wasn’t the one wearing his own face.) 

Keith (you know, it felt like Keith and acted like Keith, but he really didn’t know if that was Keith) was the first to register the shock of the mornings revelation. Lance actually felt kinda slow and confused. Maybe he’d drank too much— no wait, Keith did. 

Anyway.

So. 

Keith started screaming. And Lance started screaming. 

And maybe that wasn’t a great idea while guests on a diplomatic mission in another world palace with your comrades in arms down the hall while you’re both pretty naked and in bed together. 

But uh. 

Fun morning.

[charliemcarthy]

“GET TO KNOW ME” TAG GAME

rules: answer the  questions and tag people you’d like to get to know better!

Tagged by: @djnicklesanddimes

What do you prefer  to be called name-wise?

Charlie or Char is fine~

When is your birthday?

February 26th, I’m a Pisces for sure.

Where do you live?

Upstate NY, 6 minutes from Ontario, in the woods.

Three things you are doing right now:

Listening to music. (Always listening to music. I fall out of bed with headphones on.)

Rping Transformers with my gf.

Trying to figure out future plans for my forestry job for Spring, watching trail making videos and brushing up on my plans so I don’t feel so overwhelmed like I got last year.

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

Mystery Skulls, FNAF, BatIM, getting back into Venom as well

How has the pandemic been treating you?

Eh. I work at home and my side jobs were either substituting at the schools around here or the little forestry gig I got going on as I carve trails in the woods out back. (28 acres that back up to about 100!) I expected my business to falter in the spring-summer, when COVID became more widespread. It did not, and I’m very grateful. My best business was in October, Ive also taken the time to work on me more, as I think everyone has. Since August 2019 I’ve lost 70 pounds, so im very proud of my progress in that sense. I’m not very social, and now I’m not social at all, and it’s starting to get to even me.

A song you can’t stop listening to right now:

Ahh, shit. Songs are like potato chips for me, I can’t pick just one! Have three ;)

Jason by the Midnight (SO FUCKING CATCHY.)

Spirits in a Material World by the Police

Handsome Devil the Smiths

How old are you?

27

School, University,  occupation other?

Freelance llustrator, works weekends/sunny days in forestry. It’s hard work but fun! my main job is so creative all the time my brain gets exhausted and hard labor lets me burn steam!

Do you prefer heat  or cold?

Lately I’ve been preferring heat due to weightloss. It’s nice not being sweaty all the time! But I also don’t mind being chilly, I can always bundle up in a hoodie.

Name one fact that others may not know about you.

My grandpa was a magician, and he taught me a lot of his tricks over the years. He liked sleight of hand with cards/items/prediction, I am def rusty with items/stage magic, but it’s hard to not let old instincts kick in when someone asks you to cut a deck >>; Another fun one is changing a dice score by making your second die hit the first. 

Are you shy?

Eh, nah. I’m more standoffish. People mistake my silence for shyness but over the years shyness has curdled into honest to god disinterest and difference. I am so tired/depressed and I just...don’t care anymore what people think of me. I’m also told I can come off as intimidating.

Pronouns?

She/her

Biggest pet peeve?

Hypocritical actions and narrowed mindsets.

What is your  favorite “dere” type?

Lord I don’t even remember them anymore. What’s the cute one? Deredere…? That one.  I guess. Idk.

Rate your life from  1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be.

Hums. I live with my parents still, basically in an apartment above them. but I pay for everything I can, I have my truck Kenny, and a job that does pay just not frequently enough. I would love to live on my own but that…definitely hasn’t been the year for THAT. But im also focusing on bettering myself, while trying not to see my life being over at 30, even though I feels like it. I guess…5/10? I’m very fortunate and need to remember that everyone's experiences are different. Hard to chart all that out.

What’s your main blog?

This one!

List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

Charlieslowartises: art! Also my most popular/most active blog :D

And-she-was-trying: weightloss blog

I have a few older ones that still around but inactive.

Is there something  people need to know about you before becoming friends?

Ive had a few people try strike up friendships for...less than good reasons. Some want free art from me, some want a free therapist, and one person used to compliment me+my art skills by saying my art wanted them to commit suicide due to my level. Please do not ever do this. Our friendship, if there is any to be found, will be obtained naturally. Through mutual appreciation and respect. I am not a very friendly or warm person to begin with. I will be less so if I sense your intentions are anything less than simple companionship.

That being said, for every person that I have had to turn away or ignore, I have twice as many friends on here that I am perfectly content with and love to talk to! Or, if you are a client and I accept your jobs without fail, rest assured you are a friend as well <3

I’ll tag whoever wants to do this, too tired to grab names lol.

[neshabeingchildish]

Poly Wanna? 09

I have been struggling super hard and super long with trying to wrap this chapter up and lo and behold, I decided to just move forward and hope that it communicates what i was trying to communicate. I know it's a long chapter, but I just couldn't mentally wrestle with it anymore. Might have wound up changing it completely and I worked too hard to do that to myself. Hopefully, we're still having a good time, here. 

 Lemme know if I need to take you off the tag. Idk who’s actually reading because I’ve only heard from a couple of people, so idk if y’all still interested.

@adorkable-blackgirl  @chenoahchantel  @riebellion  @woahjusttakeiteasy-man  @up-the-tube   @ciara-knightly  @cactus-con  @oof–musicals @lesbian-so-what  @meadowstryingtobepretty @imma-sensitive-btch @okaygal21 @midernacht @divinereign4ever @xoxoemille@itsyaapollochild

Just Trying to Figure It All Out

Music was playing through the sound system as Henry cooked, Jasper set the table and readied the room. Charlotte had went to get washed up and dressed. The guys were talking about general stuff like the menu and how the night went for Charlotte (which, technically, they had gotten back so late that it was practically the next day) and she slept well into the afternoon, almost evening. Now, Henry was making a gourmet Italian meal, Jasper was making the place extremely comfortable, and Charlotte was staring at herself in the mirror, wondering if she was doing too much.

She had an espresso colored evening gown on with spaghetti straps and had pulled her hair up and decked it with flowers. The gown hugged her body, was satin and shiny and made her look like she was dipped in chocolate syrup, meanwhile, the cocoa butter on her skin had her beaming. 

Upon further review of this bedroom, she probably should have guessed that it had been created for her. The bedding was silk sheets and pillow cases (numerous pillows), with a layer of blankets -  a super fluffy one with a weighted one on top, then a cute, thin one with a floral pattern. The room smelled of rosemary, eucalyptus, lemon, patchouli, and ylang ylang. She’d thrown some rose and chamomile into her diffuser and together with whatever he had making scents - the room smelled like perfection. Plus, she adored the number of plants in there. She wanted to be a plant mom, but never had the time. All of these were plants that she loved (at least the aesthetic and scents of). Plus… she noticed when she went to grab her luggage from the closet..  he had a jar of gummy bears on the dresser by the door and a little tent card that read “Organic and Fresh,” in his own handwriting.

She grabbed a handful of them, helped herself to more Bang Bang Bubbly, and came out of the room, nervously. She paused and heard the guys laughing together. She peeked in and saw them playfully fighting over the cheese grater. Jasper was wrapped around Henry, who held the grater just out of his reach and pushed him backwards with his hips. It was very… intimate. Charlotte stepped into the room and made a small sigh of a noise that sorta sounded like a little whimper, just for attention.

Henry and Jasper both turned to look at her and they froze, still wrapped up in the wrestle, but completely distracted, now. They whispered, “Fuuuuuuck,” when they saw her and separated to stare. She sauntered in with her hands clasped together, kinda nervously. She didn’t know where her eyes should be, so she kept them on her fingers. She still felt the two pairs that were stuck on her. Henry’s mouth was wide open and Jasper licked his lips. “You look gooooood,” Henry managed to break the silence.

She blushed and looked at the ground, “My bruises are showing. I can’t look that good.”

“You will ALWAYS look that good!” Jasper said and came to her, gathering her for a kiss.  Now, Henry looked at the ground, and set down the cheese grater. He folded his arms and leaned against the counter as Jasper led Charlotte to the table to help her settle in her seat. “Are you feeling any better?” 

“I’m full of Bubbly,” she said and shrugged her shoulders. 

Jasper squatted next to her chair and asked, “What can I get you to drink?”

“Just water, please?” 

He kissed her shoulder and said, “Coming right up. God, you’re gorgeous!” He tapped her chin with his fingertips and went to get the water. She traced circles on the table and Henry came with a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine in it and sat down. Jasper returned with water and pointed out, “I’ve put the fresh fruit platter right in front of you, so that you don’t have to reach for it.” She smiled brightly. Her man knew what to do, like all of the time. She smiled sadly. “I wanna tell Jasper that I pressured Henry into telling me about what happened between them. But, we’re all at peace and everyone’s having a good time, so I don’t wanna do it at dinner. I wanna do it when we’re alone.. Then again, what if Henry were to mention it at dinner and it looks like I was keeping it from him? At this point, I’m so stressed out, but I also don’t want to ruin the time that we’re spending together. So… I just shut up and hope that it didn’t come up.”

The song Been to the Moon that Charlotte was singing the night that Henry went to the lounge began to play and Charlotte, with a mouth full of fruit, said, “Oooh! I love this song!” 

“Yeah, I love it too, now. I wish that I had it in your voice,” Henry said, opening the wine. She waved a hand at him, feigning flattery. “It was the only song I remembered you sang that night, because the lyrics were pretty moving… and appropriate.” She blushed. That almost sounded like a declaration of love. She didn’t need that, not after that hug earlier. She wanted for Henry to pipe down. In fact, whatever she entered the room with he and Jasper doing… “Henry is confusing me. I can’t tell what he wants, and I know it shouldn’t matter, but for some reason, I’m preoccupied with it. Does he want to take Jasper away from me? Does he want to take me from Jasper? Does he just… wanna come between the two of us so that we can be alone or available to him?” *Bites her lip and looks both worried but really adorable too.*

“I was thinking that after dinner, maybe we could hang out and watch movies, unless you two just wanna be alone,” Henry suggested. He knew that he was much too eager to spend time with them, but he wanted to get as much of it as he could while nobody was mad or sad because of him. 

“Sounds good to me,” Charlotte said. “I honestly can’t feel my feet or my face, so it’s not much that I can do anyway.”

“After about 3 days of Bang Bang Bubbly, I usually have my acupuncturist come over. Then, I sleep for hours and wake up unscathed,” Henry said. “That stuff changed my life. I’ll have her come in for you,” He began to send a message from his phone. “She’ll be here Wednesday morning to see you.” He smiled and set his phone down. “So! I feel like I didn’t get around to talking about things in the steam room, talking about everything, I mean. I didn’t really feel like I got everything out in the open that you both needed and I can’t really stand for you two not to have whatever you need out of me.” 

Charlotte looked at Jasper, to see if he was going to say something. He was more interested in his plate. Charlotte placed her fork down and nodded her head, “Well… I want to say something. I wanted to tell Jasper about earlier.” Jasper paused when she said his name. “I have to tell you something. So, earlier, before you got here, I was kinda naughty…” His eyes narrowed in confusion and he tilted his head. “I used Henry’s desperation to get me to be nice to him to find out about what happened between the two of you, once and for all.” Now, as the look of realization set in, one of sadness flooded over him as well.

“And, what do you think of me now?”

“I think that you were in such a terrible place for 2 years of your life, and maybe if I hadn’t been so salty, I could’ve been the friend that you needed, to see you through that. What happened was a mess and you... had to have been sad, longer than before you broke up. You had to have noticed things. We always do, whether we want to or not. I’m sorry that you were treated that way.” She moved her chair closer to him, cupped his face and rubbed his cheeks with her thumbs. Henry watched them in what was literally the worst pain that he could recall feeling in his heart. 

Jasper placed his larger hands over Charlotte’s and asked, “That doesn’t make you wanna leave me? That I was so weak and stupid? I avoided telling you, because anybody that I’ve told, if I was interested in them, they felt like there were things unresolved between Henry and I and they didn’t want me. That’s why I’ve been afraid to tell you.”

“Don’t be afraid. I have your back, forever Jasper. If we don’t last, I’m never gonna hurt you, okay? Forever and for always, I’m gonna be your friend and want what’s best for you.” He pressed his forehead to hers and just rested there for a moment. 

Jasper eventually broke the contact and noticed Henry, watching them with his hands clasped on top of the table. He didn’t comment on Henry’s blend of emotions. Instead, focused the conversation on Charlotte, “So… Your dad stopped by last night. He was really worried and shoved right passed me to search the apartment and see if you were home. I told him that you were at Henry’s, and he thought that I was lying. He was like, “The only person that she wants to talk to less than me is him!” Like, did he stop by here? I don’t know if he knows where Henry lives, but I didn’t know that he knew where I lived, so I don’t know.”

“I’ve spoken to him, since then. I didn’t tell him where Henry lives, but I told him that I would stop by to see him after I was feeling better.” 

Bringing on the Heartbreak by Def Leppard came on the playlist and the three all went completely apesh*t. Using utensils as microphones and instruments, a lot of unnecessary headbanging and hairography, but it was SUCH a classic and they were old enough to enjoy it and understand it and admit to appreciating the genre, even though they once called it “old people music.” Well… Charlotte and Henry hadn’t been too fond of it back in their day. Jasper would tell them that they were bad at appreciating good music. He was very much into to kind of stuff that his dad liked, mainly because he wasn’t really given many options of his own. He kinda had to listen to whatever his folks played and his dad was all about the hard rock and rock ballads, while his mom listened to some Irish folk music and weird instrumentals that Charlotte was always sure were made simply for vibrations to match drug usage. They never talked about it much, but they were relatively certain that she had some history with it. 

When they sat back down, Charlotte was ready to sing more, now. She had Henry show her how his music system worked and she was getting ready to browse, but George Michaels began to play and she laughed and asked, “What IS it with you and these old songs?” 

“I spend most of my social time around old people!” He said. 

“This is actually a great song, though,” She said swaying to Careless Whisper.

“All of his songs are great,” Henry corrected her. 

“Booty Bear, come dance with me!” Charlotte said. Jasper was staring thoughtfully into his empty plate and blinked when he heard her request.

“I’m kinda stuffed. Maybe Henry can dance with you,” he said. Something was wrong with him, but she didn’t know if she should ask him now or wait until they were alone, so she and Henry started to dance to Careless Whisper, singing along and breaking contact for saxophone portions that Charlotte couldn’t contain her movements to a slow dance for. One More Try came on next and now, Jasper jumped up and she smiled, about to ask him if he was gonna dance with her now, but he took the remote and turned it off. His hands were shaking a little, but he forced a smile. “Sorry. I didn’t wanna hear that one.” Lips of an Angel by Hinder came on and Jasper set the remote down and went to clear his plate from the table, “I’ll get it, Jasp,” Henry offered and went to him. He touched the small of his back and asked quietly, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just… it’s bad memories, is all.” He smiled a little and Charlotte watched them, listening to this song and she would never admit that she felt a way. She felt like she was watching a music video. “My girlfriend’s in the next room, sometimes I wish she was you. I guess we never really moved on…” Jasper and Henry hugged and then Henry cleared the table and told them they could get comfortable in his room. Charlotte met Jasper, asked, “What just happened?”

“I… That George Michael’s song One More Try… That’s the last song thing that I could remember before I passed out. It just brought some things up.”

“And Henry was able to comfort you?”

“No. I mean, he gave me a hug, but that was nothing…” *Charlotte singing* And I never want to say goodbye, but (god) you make it hard to be faithful. With the lips of an angel… Is THAT something that you wanna hear in the background of your man hugging his ex that he was in love with most of his life, and then find out that what made him sad that night was thinking about the night that they broke up? Because, I was shook.

Henry threw everything into the dishwasher and went into his bedroom. Charlotte had grabbed the fluffy blanket from her room and was snuggled in it in the bed when he came in. "Where's Jasper?"

"Washing his feet."

"Wash… what?"

"You know how smelly they can get! He's gonna wash them and put some of the oil blend I made him for foot odor. Lavender, lemon, peppermint & tea tree… in case you're about to unleash something dank from those canvas sneaks."

"Nope. My essential oils game is STRONG. You smell that blend in your room? Daddy did that on his own!"

"Did… did.. you just refer to yourself as "Daddy?"

"I did and I hate that I did."

“I hate that you had Lips of an Angel playing and hugging my boyfriend,’ she said, unable to hold that inside for much longer.

“Oh. It’s just on that particular playlist. It’s not like I planned it that way.”

“So, you had no idea that George Michael’s One More Try was playing the night that he almost died?”

“WHAT? I was just now years old when I heard this! Is… Is he okay?” Henry honestly looked upset.

“I think so. I just… Are you still in love with him?” She asked. She could tell from Henry’s facial expression and hesitation what the answer was, but he didn’t get a chance to actually answer her.

Jasper came in, slightly damp, wearing a belly shirt, shorts and socks. "Decided to just take a whole shower. Hen… you need any foot oil?"

"No! My feet smell good!" Henry cheered, grateful for that rescue. 

"This bed is extremely comfortable," Charlotte said, sliding over for Jasper. He simply smiled and got closer to her while Henry grabbed the remote for the projector. He'd turned his bedroom into somewhat of a home theater. He had a movie screen on the wall that the bed faced, instead of a TV and projected any movie that he had access to on his computer onto the screen.

"How's horror sound?" He wondered.

"I'm for it," Jasper quickly answered. 

Charlotte cringed, "Why not something sci-fi or fantasy?"

"What do you wanna watch?"Henry asked.

She took his remote and he simply laughed and laid down next to her. "I guess you're in charge."

"Nothing new," Jasper said. "I don't run anything in our home."

"That's a lie!" Charlotte said, browsing her movie options.

"Lemme guess… he's the boss in the bedroom." Jasper blushed as Charlotte's face said it all. "I knew it. Everybody thinks he's sweet and innocent when he's really a sexual force to be reckoned with."

"I can't even speak half the time when he's done with me," she admitted, finally selecting something. "Forget having me wrapped around his finger. He's got me wrapped around his third leg."

"Stahp!" Jasper insisted, smiling so hard his face hurt. 

Henry's eyes trailed the length of Jasper and for a moment, he thought about being wrapped around him. They made eye contact and Jasper's expression questioned him. He turned towards the screen and grabbed one of the pillows to hug against himself. Charlotte set down the remote and said, “Jasper, full disclosure, I told Henry what you were upset about tonight.” Jasper’s smile faded.

“I just don’t understand why Charlotte is dragging me through so many emotions on this night. Like, on the one hand, I see that she’s just trying to be open and honest and I DO value that, so much. She’s the most genuine person I’ve ever dated and everything that she does comes from a place of integrity and concern. But, right now, I just wanna, chill and not think about anymore of my pain, and she just keeps… coming back to it.”

“I don’t wanna talk about that, Char.”

“The Bang Bang Bubbly may be affecting her inhibitions.”

“No,” she said and shook her head. “I just don’t want to let anything go unchecked and I have some things that made my list at dinner. I’ve already asked Henry about that Hinder song, but I should tell you, I felt some kind of way watching the two of you interact while that song was on.”

“We were just talking,” Jasper said, with a tight smile. “No need to be jealous. You know that nothing is happening here, with the history that we have.”

“The history matters. Even I sometimes can look at Henry and forget for a moment that we had the worst breakup that I have ever had in my life, and I had an ex give me back an anniversary present on my birthday and dump me at the same time.”

“Whoa, what? To… Basically all of that?” Henry asked.

She ignored him and told Jasper, “I understand it if sometimes you feel confused.”

“I gave myself 2 years to get over him for the 2 years that I gave into him and I’m confident that I met my deadline,” Jasper said. “I’m very good at doing things that I put my mind to.”

“I know, but… You didn’t give him 2 years, though. You always loved him. What if it takes the rest of you life and that never goes away? What if you’re in a state of settling right now? You know, you can’t live your best life by limiting your intentions.”

Jasper picked up the remote and began browsing, “Guess we’re not gonna have our tears of joy wedding moment, at this rate,” he said sourly. (This had become their little inside joke), but Henry coughed on air or spit.

“You… two are getting married?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know…” Jasper said. “It’s an ongoing little joke we have, sort of.”

Charlotte furrowed her eyebrows and asked Henry, “Why, would that make you feel some kind of way?” Jasper nervously tapped his foot, wanting her to cut this out. 

Henry squeezed the pillow far tighter than necessary and shrugged his shoulders, trying to answer calmly. “Well, I am human, so sure. Of course, it would make me feel some kind of way. I have very deep histories with both of you and seeing you together already stirs a lot of things up. But, I would be happy for you, like I’m happy for you now. You both deserve each other. There’s not two people alive more deserving of love than the two that loved me more than I ever deserved.”

“Would you look at that! I found a fantasy movie,” Jasper said and flung the remote, then laid back. 

Charlotte felt like she should probably stop talking. Jasper was visibly bothered by what she was saying and clearly just wanted her to shut up and watch the movie. But, she couldn’t! “I’m glad that the three of us are here tonight and everything's out in the open. I asked you about how you would feel, because I’ve been noticing some things and I have to say something about it.”

“Okay?” Henry said, realizing that was directed at him. Jasper sighed and pursed his lips together.

“You and Jasper might not realize it, but you’ve been looking at each other. You seem to have these unspoken conversations and maybe me now knowing what happened between you will make those make more sense, but I feel like… I don’t know… Like the two of you didn’t get a chance to be what you could’ve been and that now that you’re  a better person, Jasper definitely sees it and is curious about how it would go with this version of you… I’m… intimidated by it and I don’t want to be…” She shook her head. “It was like none of the words that I imagined could come out. Because, then the possibility might become more real. I don’t wanna be like my mom. I don’t wanna be like Jasper. I don’t wanna get played for a fool. I don’t want to be in the middle of something that was bound to happen and think that I was important when I was really just a placeholder. I don’t wanna be on TV crying as somebody I trusted flips on me, because they just couldn’t stand to not have this one thing.”

“I’d never do that to you,” Jasper said, reading her mind.

“I don’t think you’d purposefully do anything. I think that you were in love with somebody since you were a kid, and…”

“And it failed, miserably!”

“Because, he hadn’t evolved enough to be ready for you.”

“It sounds like you’re shoving me onto Henry and you just told me like five minutes ago that you’re not gonna hurt me. I’m feeling dangerously close to being hurt, right now.”

“That feeling might be fear! I just want you to think about it. My parents moved really fast and moved on their feelings and wound up married and with child before they even paused to see if they LIKED each other, as people. Turned out that they did not. I want me and you, Jasper, to always like each other. We’ve done really well for the past year and I just want us to always be great together, even if it’s not together…”

Jasper gasped and covered his mouth, “Are you breaking up with me?”

“I’m… extending to you some freedom to explore and figure out what you want, kinda how you did for Henry, but hopefully, with more respect between us. I just want you to be sure that you’re not missing out on anything.”

“But, we’re still together?”

“Yes.”

“You just want the door open, in case I want something with Henry?”

“I don’t necessarily want the door open, but feel like I would be more comfortable putting it out there right now that if something happens between you and Henry, I understand and I’ll let you figure out what that means for you.” 

“Okay. Thanks for that. Ummm…” Jasper now avoided even looking in Henry’s direction. He didn’t want to know what he thought about what Charlotte said. He didn’t even know what he thought about it, himself.

“I really put my foot in my mouth, and that is not something that I normally do, so I’ll just go ahead and blame it on the Bubbly, which I have 2 more days of taking to go.”

Charlotte got up out of the bed and walked out of the room. “Where are you going?” Both men asked her. She shook her head and kept going. They probably think I’m stupid or crazy right now and I don’t blame them. Jasper told Henry, “Please, stop encouraging her to ask or talk about us. If anybody should be talking to her about us, it should be me.”

“Okay, but I thought you wanted me and her to work on us.”

“Not if it means she’s thinking I need myself a side of Henry!”

“A side of Henry could do you some good!”

“Shut the fuck up, Henry,” Jasper said and went after Charlotte. Henry followed. She just needed some breathing room, but Jasper’s emotions had been all over the place and he didn’t want to let her out of his sight. “Char? Where are you going?”

“I haven’t been to the Man Cave,” she said. 

“Well, I’m sure that’s fine with Henry,” he said and looked back at him. Henry nodded and passed her to lead them to the elevator.

.

They made their way into the Man Cave. It was set up similar to the way it used to be, but Charlotte immediately noticed new tech and a different tone of the Cave. She went to explore, since they weren’t being filmed while there, and while she was, Henry tried to talk to Jasper, “Just so you know, she’s probably just medicated and loopy. I’m not gonna pay that any mind. I know that you’ve only got eyes for her.”

Jasper rolled his eyes and sighed, “And I know that you still want her.”

“If you know that, why did you let her stay here, by herself with me? I mean, even with feeling guilty about what happened, I would think that you wouldn’t trust me not to… Try…” Henry scoffed. “You thought that I was gonna try to come on to her! Did you even actually wanna see us try to mend things, or did you just set things up to see if I was gonna try to snake my way back to her?”

“Both,” Jasper said and shrugged his shoulders. In the background, Charlotte was getting excited about various additions to the place that they all used to spend most of their time. 

“Wow. So, did you even forgive me, or did you say that so that I could let my guard down and open myself up?”

“I forgave you a long time ago. Forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting and I know that you want what I have.”

“I want what both of you have!” Henry hissed, then covered his face. “Yeah, yeah, I do still want her… but I want you too. I know that’s not possible and I know that’s one sides… or two sided, I guess… But, that’s my feelings. I have to live with those and I’ve resigned myself to it. I guess I just have to try harder for you to be comfortable enough to know that I’m bigger than my feelings, now. I’m bigger than my wants…” They both realized that the room was quiet and turned to see Charlotte, staring at them, holding something in her hand. Henry stepped back from Jasper and went over to her. “Hey, you’re finding all kinda stuff.”

“Yeah. What did I miss?” She asked (about he and Jasper’s little exchange). 

“Just that you don’t have to worry about Jasper and I rekindling anything,” he smiled, but it was sad. It was that old smile that he used to give her whenever he lost a battle and didn’t want to talk about it, but didn’t want her to worry, either. She always used to worry. But, this time, she just felt bad for him. 

“I could take it. I’ve actually been in mutually agreed open relationships before, and I’ve identified as poly for the past few years…”

Henry’s eyebrows shot up, “Really? You were… involved in a polyamorous relationship, or you simply realized that you lean towards such arrangements?”

“A little of both. It began with one of my open relationships’ friends. We got along a lot better than they did, but they were far more sexually compatible, so while they were seeing each other, myself and this other person began dating, of course, everyone was in communication about it. My partner felt a little weird about it at first, as he was the person who introduced us and saw him as “his,” but couldn’t deny that he saw the chemistry and didn’t want to obstruct our openness. It was the only time one of us fell for the other’s side interest, but that had never been a rule not to.”

“So, you’ve been in a relationship before… with two guys?” Henry asked, a little more encouraged than a few minutes ago.

“I have. It was difficult and didn’t last, because sometimes whenever you have more than a couple of people, especially if one or more isn’t used to the openness and honesty and sharing… Sometimes the dynamics can be confusing. Those days whenever you don’t really want to be bothered, so they go on without you, and you still feel slighted, even though if you were only with one person and you didn’t want to be bothered, you’d appreciate them respecting that. Whenever you measure up things, whether intensional or not and realize that the sex drive or sexual attraction for some of the others might be different in a way that makes you insecure… I mean… There’s a lot of reasons that relationship didn’t last.”

“Did you remove yourself from it?” He asked.

“No. I was broken up with by my original partner and when that happened, his side interest broke things off with him. He said that he came into a packaged arrangement and he didn’t want to be just with one of us. Of course, my ex said that he didn’t mind that they kept things open, but he just wasn’t interested in continuing to see me, on his end. I wasn’t interested in that. I was new to discovering myself and it seemed messy. None of the other stuff seemed messy, just like… you know, relationship work. But, when it got to where I couldn’t figure out what the purpose of the work would be, I definitely dipped. Long story short, I can handle Jasper exploring you without feeling discarded, and in the event that I’m not meant for a longer journey, I can accept that shit with grace.”

Whenever she brought the subject back to Jasper, Henry sighed, “He’s not interested.”

“That’s a lie.”

“He’s not interested in trying, and I respect that… Wait… Jasper was giving me a morality test, is that what you’re doing right now? Is this the part where I find out that contrary to my previous belief that seeing the two of you in love was my sentencing, it’s actually having both of you play multiple games to see if my heart is in the right place?”

She furrowed her eyebrows and turned up her nose, “I’d sooner not even deal with you at all. I don’t have time for games. I’m a broke ass genius. I’d use game playing energy to get a real job. What does this thing do?” she changed the subject, now, to the contraption in her hands.

“I can’t say that they are in it together, but I feel like it’s a coincidence that Jasper was testing me and she takes that time to openly announce that she’s fine with us trying a thing, and then she had that pretty convincing story of her experience with a polyamorous relationship with two men, a relationship that didn’t work out. If you’ve already failed at a similar relationship, then why would you be open to another?”

“It boggles my mind that he would wonder that, because that is precisely how relationships work. Most of us don’t have a relationship with the same person for our entire dating span. So, to think that polyamorous people would just give up when their first try doesn’t work out is… Does he ACTUALLY have those credentials? Because, I don’t know if I’d go to therapy with somebody who says the things that he says about relationships, not even for sexual advice… Though, maybe he’s only good at speaking about that aspect, and not the emotional. He could have just said that he and Jasper are too afraid to try out their emotions with me in the picture and kept it moving.”

The spa-hospital-sleeping-waking up etc schedule had thrown everyone’s body off a little bit. So that they were all still awake whenever it was time for the sun to come up. “We need to get to the roof. We won’t be able to see it anywhere else,” Jasper told Charlotte.

“You can see it from the balcony,” Henry said. Jasper remembered just as brightly as it was yesterday how Henry had snapped at him for interrupting sunrise for him before, and flinched at the thought. But, Henry took his hand and pulled him towards the balcony. He glanced at Charlotte, to see if this was okay and she followed, without much of a reaction on her face. They leaned against the bar and watched in complete silence. Jasper was in the middle, with Charlotte and Henry on either side of him. 

Charlotte and Henry usually both watched the sun come up, but Jasper was having an emotional moment - because Charlotte had never withheld this time from him, yet Henry had. Today, they were both here with him and not only was Henry no longer withholding this moment from him, but Charlotte was here, as well. It was perfect and he was overcome. They didn’t know what he was thinking, but damn if he wasn’t gorgeous in the growing light of the sun. Charlotte had never noticed before; she was usually quite engaged with the view of the earth being brought into a new day. Henry hadn’t turned from said view since Char had left. But this day, both of them were staring at Jasper and he was a vision to behold. 

They caught a glimpse of each other, staring lovingly at the man in between them and silently agreed not to bother each other about the fixation that they gladly returned to after that acknowledgement. At the same time, unplanned, they each moved a hand to the small of his back and their fingers accidentally brushed together.  Both of them moved their hands to a different spot on his back and he collected them into each of his arms. “This is the warmest that the sunrise has felt in a while,” Henry said and snuggled in closer. Charlotte slid her hand beneath the back of Jasper’s crop top to stroke his skin more intimately. 

“Yeah, it’s a perfect day,” Jasper agreed. He turned to smile at Charlotte, first and kiss her on the forehead, then leaned his head against Henry’s shoulder.

Henry had to water his plants after that, and talk to them. Charlotte offered to help, wanting to spend time with his herb garden, but he preferred to walk her through it, so they did that first and Jasper just hung around, amazed that Henry was finally so open with him and these areas of his life. Suddenly, Charlotte’s offer didn’t seem so… scary. Then again, the difference was that Charlotte was here. Yeah, he and Henry had made up and been nice to each other since their breakup and even during plant time, when Jasper interrupted, Henry was cordial about it. But, here, with Charlotte, that made a difference in how loving Henry was. Henry had admitted that he wanted both of them, to Jasper. So, of course, it made sense that he was standing way too close and unnecessarily touching her to show her how to care for the plants, but Jasper still didn’t trust this. He still felt a little bit jealous, though he was also kinda gushy about it. 

Henry and Charlotte were a beautiful couple. He’d thought about them together, years ago. He’d thought about if he had been with her instead, would they have lasted and would she have dated Henry later. He thought about the three of them together… But, that was before the issues. That could never be a thing now. Although… She brought up the idea of he and Henry exploring. He could bring up the idea of the three of them.. And always play it off like he was trying to show her how ridiculous her idea sounded, if she didn’t seem into it. He decided that he would do that! But… this wasn’t the right time, was it? “You two are getting dirty. Might have to have a shower party soon!” He said, then immediately regretted it. 

“What’s a shower party?” Henry asked. Charlotte had just looked at him like people looked at his 11th toe.

“I think he was making a joke about us taking a shower together.”

“Dude. You’re gonna make it weird. We’re having a nice morning,” Henry said. He and Charlotte laughed and she returned to the herbs. But, Henry stared at Jasper. He looked nervous and unsure of himself. Like, he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know how. “You okay there, Buddy?” Henry wondered.

“Why not the three of us?” Jasper asked.

“Oh, boy,” Charlotte said.

“I mean… why just me and Henry? There’s definitely something there between the two of you too. I guess I don’t understand why you think he’s good enough or changed enough for me to make attempts, but not for you.”

“It’s got nothing to do with that at all.”

“She’s insecure and just wants to be sure. You know, like how you set me up to try to get her by leaving her here with me? You two are playing the same damn game, Jasper.”

“I’ve already discussed that I’m not playing any games. You’re the master game player, so I know that you would know, but I assure you, if I was playing games, you wouldn’t be smart enough to peep it,” she said. She and Henry began fussing at each other, for the first time since they began speaking again and Jasper felt like he might have a panic attack. 

Look at what he’d done! Henry tried to do something nice and take care of Char in this bright and beautiful space, and Jasper mistrusted him. Char tried to open up a chance for him to resolve any of his past, with perfect trust and no judgement and he’d shot her down. Now, he had them arguing again, and they were doing so well, since last night! He sniffled and both of them heard it, even through their loud voices. 

He couldn’t hear their words of concern and affirmation through the sound of his heartbeat in his ears, but he could tell that they were both more concerned with seeing about him than with arguing with each other, unlike his parents, which sometimes, arguments made him think of… especially if he felt like it was his fault. 

Charlotte stepped back and let Henry try to reach out to Jasper, cupping his face and trying to make eye contact with him. “Jasper, we’re sorry. We didn’t mean to start arguing, okay? It’s just banter, a little bickering, like old times. Remember when we used to do this? You’d just drown us out most of the time. It was no big deal. We’re good. We’re good. You’re okay. It wasn’t your fault, and nothing bad happened.” Jasper stared at him and it was like he’d finally realized where he was. “Heyyyy,” Henry said. Jasper fell onto him and hugged him. Charlotte rubbed his back and she and Henry exchanged guilty glances. 

She suggested, “Since our sleep schedules are messed up, we might as well try to stay awake until tonight and get back on a regular rotation. You wanna go home?” 

“You can stay!” Henry said. “I’ll make myself scarce. I mean, I’ll hang out in my room or down here or something. You two relax.”

“I’m fine,” Jasper said and shook Henry off of him. “I just had a moment.” He tried to smile. “Got a little headache.”

“I’ve got something for that,” Charlotte said and collected him. To Henry, she said, “Thanks for bringing him out.”

“I love him too,” he said casually, with a shrug of his shoulders.

[tanukifucker91]

okok might as well recount some of the games i had yesterday

played best of 3 with a pm player (i used gears) and won 1/3 BUT my last loss was really stupid

ok so i won the first game and basically steam rolled my opponent. second game i had to g assist on g1 and idk how it went down exactly bc i managed to scrap together my bind zone regardless, still lost on account of being behind. third game i lost bc i guarded end of stage’s first attack with a 2 pass and he got double trigger. i had like 7 cards in my hands (two heals, two sentinels)(it was end of stage tho so no sentinels for that battle)

i mean the vg was gonna restand 2k worth of triggers stronger but it swing for like 27k initially so i still think i could’ve pulled through. and for whatever rgs i could have pgd and survived, and i know he would've not survived another one of my triple drive double critical vg swings.

i beat him later with angel feather so that was nice though, and i honestly don’t think i’ve had such consistently good games with gc and just. in general for a long time.

i lost to DP using angels though so that sucked. i had a bad game there. DP stresses me the f out bc i don’t know how the deck works, all i know they swing with extra critical all the gd time. so maybe i am overtly cautious playing against them. i kept guarding and guarding sitting on 2 dmg when i went up on g3. i prolly hadn’t needed to do that but metatron was nowhere in sight. when the g3 line up in hand is bad, AF becomes a very shaky deck, even against some force clans like DP.

i also played my now finally (more or less) finished nubatama budget deck but i really think i am too stupid to learn this deck. when i test run it, ok, i feel like i can do some stuff but against even a trial deck i can’t do anything, just end up w no hand and no board and just dying miserably. the counter charging and soul charging in this deck is super consistent so it’s not that, at least. in part i think i’ve been unlucky, and in part it’s also like... a counter deck largely. it’s good in some specific match ups and it’s a fun deck. but it’s not a meta deck by any means. i don’t regret building it tho bc its cheap as hell. but i need to try and find some way to figure out what i’m doing wrong, or if it’s really just the deck. ‘cause i feel like it has the bits and bobs to be good on paper, but it just doesn’t check out for some reason.

[starisartblog]

The Light of the Storm: A Miss Fortune x Lux Fanfic

I don’t have an AO3 account so here’s a story I’ve been on and off writing about how Lux and Miss Fortune met and fell in love. I generally tried to stay lore compliant??? but there’s also a lot of creative liberty largely due to the fact that I roleplayed Miss Fortune for about 2 years. Basically don’t @ me about what’s canon and what’s not. This will be multichapter but idk how long it will be.

Chapter One: Unfamiliar Territory and a Pirate’s Honor

The first signs of land on the horizon brought much relief to the deckhands aboard The Lightforger. While surrounded by a vast empty sea, one would think that they were suspended in time, but in reality the voyage had only lasted a few weeks. The expertise of their charters and navigators were the only thing that stood between them and mindlessly drudging across the sea to their destination.

Luxanna Crownguard shuts the cover of an old tome at the call of sighted land. She, like many others, suffered with consequential boredom that came with long voyages and this had possibly been her longest trip to date. Despite biding some of her time with studies of old tomes and sparring with Kahina, she felt trapped. It had also reminded her of the seclusion imposed by her family in her younger years. Pushing that rather sour memory back, she tucks the tome under her arm and skips up the stairs to the main deck where several of her comrades look on curiously.

Arches of land slowly reveal themselves from the horizon, their bases shrouded in mist from water falling from great heights. Soon a landmass is in full view, the vague shapes of vessels perch themselves on the cliff sides while numerous banners flap freely in the wind. Lux had only heard stories of this place from older superiors and veterans. An anarchical land that would make anyone in the royal court of Demacia faint.

This was the city known as Bilgewater.

According to some of the stories she heard, Bilgewater hadn’t always been this way. A long time ago several ships had accidentally crashed into the Serpent Isles largely due to the fact that it had been apparently uncharted. After a minor clash with the natives of the Isles, the foreigners agreed to claim a small piece of land for the building of lighthouses to avoid further casualties. It served as a convenient rest stop at first but then expanded to a convenient trade port to cut down travel time between countries.

For a while it had been very prosperous, but soon the mysterious Black Mist had strengthened and attacked the port city frequently. Deciding that the resources expended to maintain its safety against the seemingly indomitable threat were a waste, many abandoned the port town. Those who remained consistently fought off the Black Mist and claimed Bilgewater for its own. Unfortunately the lack of a stable government turned Bilgewater into a lawless land of brigands and pirates.

Knowing full well of their relationships, The Lightforger had been stripped of its Demacian flag along with any symbol of its origin and dressed as a common tradeship. Those aboard had been dressed accordingly to keep up the charade. Lux figures that a Demacian vessel landing in Bilgewater was probably the equivalent of painting a large target on their back. On top of that, diverting attention from themselves was a crucial part of this mission.

The vessel had finally passed through the first arch of Bilgewater by nightfall. The clash of cold water from above and the warm night envelops The Lightforger with mist, making for almost an ethereal passing into the city. Peering from her cabin window, Lux gathers her things while determined to sneak glances of newfound territory.

Needless to say, she was completely awestruck.

Oil lit lamps decorate every odd end of the city, giving it a warm glow in contrast to the night. Scaffolds of wooden walkways and bridges connect the separated pieces of land giving Bilgewater’s heart a completely labyrinthian look. Vessels of old had been fused with old stone architecture to create taverns, shops and living spaces. She recognizes old Noxian warships, Freldjordian longboats, Shuriman vessels and even old Demacian galleons that had been repurposed as such.

Carved in wood and stone along many cliffsides and buildings had been a myriad of sea creatures, decorated with old bones and fangs. Lux notices two recurring creatures. One a frog-like monster with endless rows of teeth and a fanged creature with seemingly endless tentacles stretching from all parts of it body. Had it been the visages of their gods? She finds the prospect simply fascinating…

Clearly distracted, the girl would jump at the feeling of cold metal at the back of her neck. With a yelp, she turns around to the freckled and grinning face of her companion.

“Only you would get excited over a pirate town, Lux.” Kahina waves the hilt of her sword in a teasing manner. Lux waves a hand dismissively at her, a slight tint of red to her cheeks betrays any stoic stature she tries to play off.

“This is our first time visiting Bilgewater. I couldn’t help myself.” The blonde retorts. “You must admit the architecture is impressive and unique! The description from any book I’ve read simply doesn’t do this place any justice.”

“Sure, sure.” Kahina yawns finally sheathing her sword. “Just don’t let it get to your head. Remember that we’re still walking into a den of wolves. They’re more likely to shove a blade in your stomach if it meant more gold in their pockets.”

Lux frowns. “Deception lies in many forms, but it’s all still deception.”

The Lightforger finally settles in an available dock, occupied by a small crowd of men and women idling around the deck space. With their belongings strapped to their backs and sides, several of the Radiant Ones stand ready on the main deck. Kahina nudges Lux once more, putting a hand on her shoulder and whispering into her ear.

“I just heard that apparently the reason we’re here is that someone owes Aharon a favor.”

“I thought you said people here are more likely to doublecross you.” Lux whispers back. “An old drinking buddy perhaps?”

“Something of the sort.”

A voice comes from behind the two. Aharon lowers his hood and motions them off the deck. “I’m taking a small group to meet up with our primary collaborator--and by small I mean just us three. The rest will assume their stations with their help.” He then motions to the small group that had come to greet them.

An older man steps forward, his cane thudding against the dock with every step. He studies the three for a moment, though once settling his gaze on Aharon he simply smiles.

“Trust ya had smooth sailin’ lad?” The old man nudges Aharon with his cane.

“Uneventful.” Aharon brushes his robe. “I was looking forward to stepping off the ship the moment I set foot on it.”

He and I share that sentiment… Lux thinks to herself.

“Well we can hold business talk fer th’ mornin’ if yer too tired. Sure th’ Captain won’t mind terribly. We can accomodate yer lil’ posse easy--”

“Time is of the essence, Rafen.” Aharon states plainly. “If nothing else I want to pass on our recent findings…” His serious tone doesn’t falter in the slightest despite how casual the other is. The old man called Rafen laughs and shrugs.

“Aye aye aye. Good to know I have the right man. Captain told me you were a no-nonsense Demacian.” Aharon finally lets himself smile and adjusts his glasses.

“We have a reputation to uphold as no-nonsense Demacians.”

“As we be holdin’ the reputation of no-good scoundrels.” Rafen raps his cane against the floor several times and those with him stand to attention. “Alright help ‘em unload and such. An’ be careful with their stuff will ya? I’m sure most of what they own be more valuable than yer own lives.” The old man turns back to them.

“Captain’s in the workshop tonight. Follow close an’ keep yer blades closer.”

Despite the winding and confusing passages, Rafen navigates the small group with ease. He had grown with this city and thus knows of every street and turn. Lux finds it all impressive, but can’t help but wonder about something else. Men and women lurk in the alleyways as we pass, but seem to slink further in as Rafen passes. Had it been from fear? Rafen certainly didn’t look like a man that Aharon would associate himself with. Not to mention that the old man spoke of a Captain. His Captain. There had been someone that even he answered to? It was quite a mystery.

The workshop Rafen had spoken of sits at the base of a spire, hollowed out many years ago and an old ship had been attached to the side with a sign reading “FORTUNE’S FAVOR” hanging at the front. A small twisting flight of stairs brings them upwards and they are soon greeted by a gentle orange glow, the hissing of steam and the ringing of metal.

The room itself is a humble space to fit a forge among other smithing tools and stations. Pinned along the walls are various swords, daggers and firearms created with a style reminiscent of Bilgewater’s aesthetic. A lone person sits in the middle striking a slab of glowing metal against an anvil. They’re clothed head to toe with protective gear only further adding to the mystery of Aharon’s client.

Rafen makes sure the other is aware of his presence, then walks over to exchange a few words rendered unintelligible by the roar of the forge. Their work is put at a halt, dunking the glowing metal into a nearby container of water and creating a massive cloud of steam. As the steam dissipates, the person seemed to have removed their gear.

Hiding beneath the mask is the face of a dark skinned woman with fire red hair strung up into a ponytail. The woman rises from her seat to reveal a well built frame, defined with muscle and decorated with old scars. Colorful tattoos cover every inch of her body depicting sea creatures, ships and green tentacles that encroach from her back. Slick with sweat, the forge’s light makes the woman look like a glistening goddess and her eyes are a cool blue to balance such a fiery radiance. The woman glances over her three new guests and once it settles on Lux, the blonde instinctively holds in a breath.

“Captain Fortune.” Aharon steps forward to extend a hand. Lux lets out a quiet exhale as words were finally exchanged. “It’s been a while.”

The woman named Fortune steps forward as well, accepting his hand with a strong shake. Aharon even winces at the forcefulness of her grip and she can’t help but grin. “Aye. Was wonderin’ when I was gonna see yer mug again, Aharon Dawnscribe.” The man puts his hand to his chest and gestures to the other two. “I’d like for you to meet two of my companions--”

“Kahina Radiabourne.” Kahina gives a respectful salute.

Fortune’s gaze was once again on Lux. Realizing that the Captain was looking for a name, she flinches. Despite such a playful demeanor, the woman gives off a commanding presence that forces Lux to look to the ground.

“L-Luxanna Crowng-guard, ma’am.” Lux squeaks out, red hot with embarrassment. Gods above she could feel Kahina’s smile behind her.

“A blueblood? Interestin’.” Fortune cants her head to the side, tilting her chin up with a single finger. “Ah come now, level eyes with me lass. No need to cast down such a bright an’ pretty face..”

Gods above! Gods above! My heart is going to burst…! Lux cries in her mind.

“Captain.” Aharon clears his throat. “If you're quite done, then we'll get on with business. I've already expressed to Rafen the urgency--”

“Aye aye aye.” She winks to Lux and pulls her hand away. “But not here. Voices carry an’ snoopin’ ears are all too willin’ to listen.”

They're led to the other side of the forge through a door and presumably into the ship attached at the side. The noises above them are prominent, yet muffled and Lux concludes them to be just above a lively bar. Given the mass of crates and items compacted in the room and the noise above, they would be free to discuss anything without being overheard. Rafen guards the door they just entered through while Fortune says something to another man who promptly leaves the storage area. Two men return with small bowls of stew, several small loaves of bread and drinks.

“It’s a seafood stew. Bilgewater classic.” Fortune explains while being given her own share and promptly dipping her loaf into the bowl. “Fish is our specialty, but we can’t grow anythin’ else worthwhile here. So we really do benefit by those still willin’ to trade.” As Lux samples the stew, she realizes what the woman means. Shuriman spices season the broth and accompanying the fish are hardy potatoes and carrots from Noxus. Finally the loaf of bread served with the stew is all too familiar: it was made from Demacian wheat.

“Yer wheat is the absolute best for soft bread like this.” The Captain smiles and chews on broth-soaked bread, speaking again after swallowing. “What’s this all about then? Must be pretty damn urgent for ya to see me in person.”

“If I may be blunt.” Aharon appears a tad unnerved once Fortune’s gaze is upon him. “We suspect that Bilgewater is at risk of total Noxian occupation.”

Her playful air vanishes just by her posture straightening and her brows narrowing. For now her food is set to the side.

“Surely ya didn't cross the seas to tell me somethin’ I already knew.”

“Of course not. I have intel confirming some...concerning circumstances towards our claim. Given that you're a rather adamant advocate against Noxian expansion, you're of the few I can trust with this information.” As if to take off some unforeseen force of stress, he redirects his attention. “Miss Crownguard, if you would.”

The moment she feels the Captain’s gaze again, she hesitates. Lux has encountered many a general and sergeant, but never has a simple gaze made her feel completely disarmed. Captain Fortune was well worthy of her title.

“Let's hear what you have to say, Crownguard.”

“Uhm. I-I have done a fair share of espionage within Noxian borders.” Her heart feels like it's creeping up her throat again. “A recent assignment has had me follow a trend of trade containing armor and weaponry being sent from Noxus to the occupied city of Bel’zhun. We thought it to be standard upkeep for the soldiers to retain their control in Shurima. We’ve then noticed a large fraction of such resources travel to the east before being sent from the port city of Mudtown.”

“Aye. A good ship gets you from Mudtown to Bilgewater in a week’s time.” Fortune seems quick to piece it together.

“Then you fully understand the severity of the situation.” Aharon takes back control of the conversation. “It's only a matter of time before shipping over mere swords becomes sending a fleet of soldiers to your coasts.”

“They be hard pressed to take over the entire island. The Kraken Priestess an’ her god wouldn’t take that lyin’ down either.”

“You've heard the horrors of the Noxian invasion of Ionia.” Aharon says bluntly. “They stripped acres of magic from their lands. I wouldn’t put it past them to employ similar tactics here if it meant killing a supposed god.”

It goes without saying that occupying the island would also inch Noxian territory closer to Demacia for an effective pincer. In short, both nations are properly threatened by this.

“Yer stretchin’ this favor I owe ya real thin.” Fortune seems frustrated, taking another bite of bread and a spoonful of stew.

“I don't intend to waste a pirate’s honor on something frivolous. Brash as you may be, you're a reliable ally. I figure preventing such an invasion while this city rebuilds to be enough incentive to having your full cooperation.” There's a moment of painful silence, then Fortune begins to laugh and the tension in the room eases up a bit.

“Bloody seven hells! Can't really argue against that can I?” She waves a hand dismissively and downs the rest of her stew. “Fine. Ya have my cooperation, but we'll continue this tomorrow. A sea voyage takes a lot out of ya when ya ain't used to it.” She rises from her seat, holding her drink in her hand.

“Hold on Fortune.” Kahina stops the woman. “I have one question for you.”

“That's Captain Fortune.”

“Right. Captain Fortune, what’s your connection to Aharon? I've never even heard of you until today.” Fortune has to think on it for a moment. Had she forgotten as well?

“A few years ago Aharon here let me in Demacian borders to catch a runaway bounty. I mentioned owin’ ‘im fer it, that's all. What? Did ya think I was a--”

“Thank you for your hospitalities, Captain Fortune. I'm sure we'll all make ourselves quite at home.” Aharon was utterly embarrassed, squeezing past the guard to the stairs. Lux can’t help but chuckle at it all. She couldn't really imagine him being with someone like her anyway….

Not that there was anything wrong with the Captain! Lux was sure she was a wonderful woman...!

...Gods why was she arguing with herself over this?

“...He doesn’t even know where to… Eh. Whatever. I’ve a few things to take care of,” Fortune takes one step up the stairs with the guard standing to the side. “I’m leavin’ the rest to you Rafen.”

“Aye, aye Captain.” The old man gives a respective nod before she disappears up the steps. “I left Yale ova there t’accommodate th’ rest o’ yer lil’ group. Long as yer here, ya have full protection o’th Syrens. Courtesy o’th Captain of course. I’ll be sure t’find Aharon an’ let ‘im know.”

“Thank you, Rafen.” Lux bows to him, with Kahina following suit.

“Ahh it’s no problem. I reckon we’re all friends now, aye?” The old man gives the two a crooked grin before he and Yale leads them to their rooms.

The rooms themselves were quaint and surprisingly well kept. Despite being just above the ground floor, the noise from below was as muffled as the storeroom. Lux and Kahina set down their belongings but don’t bother to do much after that. Exhaustion slowly creeps up on them and they crawl into their beds.

“Hrm.” Kahina stares at the ceiling. “Think we can really trust this Captain?”

“If Aharon trusts her, then I see no reason to be wary.” She answers honestly, expecting Kahina to be wary like this. “Especially since she's against Noxus’s regime. That has to count for something doesn't it?” Kahina merely shrugs.

“She could turn sides real easy. Remember what I said?” Lux gives the other woman a stern look who sighs in response.  “Well… I guess at least just play it safe.”

“I know.”

A brief silence.

“Even so...that Captain is drop dead gorgeous isn't she?”

“Kahina!”

“Don't play dumb. You were completely distracted once she took of that smithing mask!”

Lux bites her lower lip. Damn her.

“Goodnight. Maybe she'll show up in your dreams.” Kahina grins triumphantly and pulls the blanket over her.

Lux gives a defeated huff and throws the blankets over her own head. The voyage had indeed taken more out of her than expected. It wasn’t long until she drifts off to sleep...

[midnightluck]

inheritance

idk i was in a weird mood tonight yall, sorry. Here there be sad.

--

Ace pulls his hand away from his mouth and rubs it on his shorts without looking. “Call,” he says. “And no, I’ve never played poker before.”

“Sure you haven’t,” Atmos says, throwing down his cards in disgust. “Fold.”

Ace hums happily and all eyes move to Rakuyo, who’s chewing on his lip. Rakuyo looks up at Ace, back to his cards, and then huffs. “Got nothing,” he says, tossing his own cards, and Ace beams and collects the pot.

“You’ve obviously played poker before,” Thatch complains, gathering the cards up again. “You’re way too good at it.”

“Beginner’s luck?” Ace says with a little grin, then plants both hands on the table and stands up. “And on that note, I’m leaving before I run out of it.”

Rakuyo makes a grumbling noise and Atmos gathers up the remains of his winnings. Thatch bridges the cards and glances up at Ace, who’s still leaning on the table. “You okay there, champ?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Thanks for the game, guys!” He turns and brings up his hand, shoulders shaking just a bit, and Thatch frowns.

“Hey, you fleeced us; you don’t get to laugh at us, too!” he calls after him, and Ace just swings out his hand in vague acknowledgement and meanders on.

“Ugh,” says Atmos. “I’m never playing with him again. I can’t tell when he’s bluffing.”

“I think he’s always bluffing,” Thatch says sourly. “Another hand, gentlemen?”

--

Marco rests his chin in his hand as he watches Ace swallow yet another roast whole. “How does he do that, yoi?”

Thatch shakes his head. “If you find out, please don’t ever tell me.”

“Ish goud,” Ace says, or something like it, and then promptly chokes.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Jozu says, pushing over his mug.

Ace coughs, downs the mug, and then coughs some more “Ugh,” he says, leaning over the table and leaning heavily on his elbows. “Ow. That was nasty.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Jozu repeats, and takes his empty mug back.

“Right, right,” Ace says, wiping his palms on his shorts beneath the table.

Marco sighs. It’s not the first time Ace has done this and it won’t be the last. Still, he watches carefully as Ace goes back to eating, starting slowly before ramping back up. It’s been happening more recently, that talking-with-the-mouth-full thing, and if it means that Ace is finally relaxed enough around them to do it, then he can put up with the occasional drink theft, he supposes.

--

Ace hums a lot, Namur notices. He can’t help but notice, because Ace likes to perch on the railings and scramble up the rigging and generally be everywhere on deck at once.

“What’s that you’re humming?” he asks. It sounds familiar, like a distant memory.

“Hmm?” Ace looks down from the rigging he’s halfway up, then leans out to spit over the side. “Oh, the song? Dunno. Picked it up somewhere in Paradise. Something about an elf knight and a lady.Why, you know it?”

“Nah,” Namur says. “Sounds familiar, is all. Why don’t you sing it? You used to sing a lot.”

Ace shrugs, letting his weight spin him around the rigging. “Dunno the words,” he says. Then he grins, bright and wide. “Why, you wanna make some up? Do a duet?”

Namur scoffs. “Like hell, brat,” he says.

“Riiight,” Ace drawls, swings back around again. “Last time you tried to sing for everyone, you got thrown overboard. I forgot.”

Namur does not for one instant believe that Ace forgot, so he just scowls. “It’s not my fault that you don’t recognize the beauty of fishmen’s songs--hey! Hey brat! Get back here!”

--

“What’s that?” Haruta asks, plopping down next to Ace.

Ace’s shoulders go stiff and his fist clenches around the bundle of fabric. “Nothing.”

Haruta eyes him. “You’re a bad liar,” she tells him fondly.

Ace tilts his head and side-eyes her. “Yeah, but you’re not supposed to call me out on it.”

“I will always call you out on it,” she promises, then promptly reconsiders. “Unless it’s for a good reason. Or funny. Or to my benefit. Or--”

Ace laughs at her and bumps her shoulder with his own. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. Hey, what did you want me for?”

Nothing, really, but he’d been sitting there all hunched up and she’d walked by and been unable to help herself. Not that she’s gonna tell him that, though; she’s a much better liar than he is. “I just wanted to tell you something. Did you ever hear about the time Thatch set his hair on fire?”

Ace’s eyes sharpen and he twists his whole body around to face her fully. “Tell me,” he demands.

“I love how much you love gossip,” she sighs, the ruffles his hair. He frowns but lets her, so she tells him the whole sordid tale and it’s almost all true.

--

“Hey, Fossa?” Ace calls, voice echoing off the pipes. “You in here?”

Fossa manages something back that’s generally affirmative but wildly mangled, so he finishes tightening the bolt, spits out the wrench, and tries again. “Yeah!”

Ace ducks around and into sight. “Hey,” he says, eyes darting everywhere. “Whatcha doing?”

Fossa gets the last bolt in place and starts spinning it down too. “Routine maintenance,” he says, then walks the wrench around through his fingers. “Something I can do for you?”

“Marco sent me to tell you that Pops wants to have a meeting tonight,” Ace says. He reaches out to touch a pipe running horizontally by. “Huh. Is that supposed to be that hot?”

“Yup,” Fossa says, dropping the wrench and stretching out. Too much time all crammed in like that sure did a number on your posture. “It runs from the hydroelectric reservoir to the reserve tank, so it’s hot from the steaming.”

“Steam?” Ace asks, trying to track the pipe through the maze. “When is it steam?”

Fossa props one hand on his hip and looks at Ace. The kid is peering into the room, reaching out his arms for balance.There’s a red smudge on his palm where he touched the pipe, and Fossa frowns. His division’s been slacking on the cleaning if there’s rust in places. Ace does seem genuinely curious, though, so he nods. Meeting’s not til tonight anyway, Ace had said. That’s about enough time for a crash course.

“C’mere,” he says, stepping back into the maze of pipes. “I’ll show ya.”

“Cool!” Ace says and clambers after him, kicking a vertical pipe and causing a loud clang. Curious the kid may be, but graceful he was not.

--

Whitebeard looks around at the table. Six chairs on either side, and each of them full. It’s a nice sight.

“I’ve called this meeting,” he says, “to check in on everyone and to see how Ace is settling in with his division.”

His newest Commander goes stiff in his seat, and Whitebeard grins at him. “Don’t worry,” he says. “I’m sure you’re doing well!”

Ace coughs a few times into his hand and looks away.

Marco sighs and nods at Whitebeard.. “He’s making friends. The more he relaxes, the more the men trust him. The Divison’s morale is very high, yoi.”

Haruta adds, “He’s being very active about seeking out information on his position and figuring out what he should be doing, and who he needs to learn that from.”

“I can attest to that,” Fossa says. “Kid’s smart. Willing to learn and asks the right questions.”

“He cheats at cards,” Rakuyo throws in, arms crossed. There’s a moment, and he looks up to see everyone looking back. “What? He does!”

“Do you?” Blamenco asks, leaning in.

All eyes land on Ace, who promptly flushes. “I--” he says. “Look, okay, I count cards, sure, but I don’t cheat!”

“He’s a bad liar,” Haruta adds, and Ace looks down and goes redder. “It’s really cute when he tries, though.”

“I can too lie!” Ace yells, surging to his feet. “I lie all the time!”

“See?” Haruta says. “Adorable.”

Juzo puts a hand on his shoulder. “But of a temper,” he says to the table at large, “but overall he settled in just fine.”

Ace collapses back into his chair, fuming, and Whitebeard laughs. “I’m glad you’re happy in our family,” he says.

Whitebeard keeps his eyes on Ace, who looks up at him slowly. He nods and says, “I’m proud of you, son,” and Ace achieves a red he never has before, spreading splotchily down his neck and over his collarbones.

“Th--thanks,” he says, and his chest flutters oddly with his breath, one hand clapped to his side. “I don’t know--”

Whitebeard waits, but that appears to be it. “Thank you, Ace,” he says. “Keep up the good work! Meeting dismissed!”

--

Everyone wants to stop and congratulate him, and he smiles with his mouth closed and keeps his measured, rocking gait all the way to his Commander’s cabin.

The second the door’s bolted behind him, he dashes for the sink and his fingers dig into the edges as he heaves.

The awful tickle in his lungs doesn’t ever stop anymore, and once he starts coughing, he has to keep going until he’s sore with it. He tries to muffle the sound with his hand but all he does is get blood everywhere.

When it finally runs out, he’s left weak and panting. His face in the mirror is pale and sweaty and he can’t stand the bright sheen to his eyes.

Worst of all, there’s a small stabbing pain starting low on his side. He knows what that means. He read Roger’s journal; he knows the progression of this disease.

“Shit,” he says. There’s still blood on his teeth and the taste never leaves his mouth these days. “I thought I’d have more time.”