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#idk how to tag this so i wont
buttsmgutts · 1 year
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Rgg studios let me design your merch for you i know what the people want
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morglien · 1 year
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kisukazoo · 1 year
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Walking fish
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gorefetishizer · 4 months
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DAME ALGO QUE PUEDA TRAGAR                                                            (GIVE ME SOMETHING I CAN SWALLOW)                                                Diciembre 2022
Uno de mis exámenes de la universidad; fanzine/poemario de mi autoría, en tumbler gratis sin censura porque aquí nadie me conoce.
(One of my exams for university; fanzine/collections of poems of my own, free and uncensored on tumblr ‘cause nobody knows me here.) (Translations uder the cut!!!)
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I WANT TO STAB MYSELF IN THE GUT. OR BETTER THAT YOU DO IT. BUT LIVE FOREVER THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO ME.
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I think I’ll forever be a perpetual virgin. no matter how many times I do it even if it is with affection I can't picture myself not shaking or throwing up spit once I’m left alone.
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Saint dog obedient doesn’t stutter when reciting the script that's been given. I too want to be rewarded before opening my muzzle. And think I pray to something that answers.
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I THINK I WOULDN'T ENDURE LIVING IF IT DIDN'T HURT I THINK I LOVE TO SUFFER I LOVE TO FEEL SO MUCH I NEED SOMETHING TO FILL MY BODY WITH MORE THAN IT CAN WITHSTAND
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It almost doesn't look like a punishment 
when complacency becomes routine
and solitude habit.
There is no morality that persists once night falls 
and my hands prove weak before sin. 
My bed is cold
and i know how to warm it up without another body 
¿How to negate your own nature when there's no one by your side?
I snuggle with the edges of the trimmings of my piece
and confess to my conscience
who like any god forgives in order to keep it’s believer
There’s no final judgment to clean and renew
just shame
shame
shame and dirt between the legs.
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I want you close so bad I tremble in fear.
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It's so hard
to not
fall to the ground and
look at you from below with
teary eyes and with the
most pathetic voice possible say
Forgive me
Forgive me
Forgive me
This doesn't have anything to do with taking responsibility
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You left me looking for reflections of the bits of you I thought I knew. Now I can't even cling to the memory of you. I have no right to be mad. It didn't have anything to do with me. In the end, it didn't have anything to do with me.
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I miss still when you would grab my arm. To the darker side. I miss when without noticing you were on top of me. My brain too numb to register it. I miss not remembering what happened to feel your tongue in my gums. Your hands on my body. Without discretion and without words. You were right. If it was you a no would never come out of my lips. Even if I had no time to even think about it. You were right. You did good on not asking me.
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If there are deities
in constellations. If
repeating the
same actions makes it
a prayer.
If the sky falls.
(My lips would remember the
distance between each one of them).
I would have a better chance
at salvation between
the moles
on your
cheek.
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zerkj0 · 1 year
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Rough commission for my brother of his DND character
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(At Stacy's house. Stacy and Kylie sit on the couch while (Princess) Kenny reads a magazine on the floor.)
Stacy: Ugh. How much more are we going to have to wait?
Kylie: It shouldn't be too much longer. We're just waiting on Erica to take some pictures of Marjorine so we can sell them. Then we can each buy as much candy as we want.
Stacy: But it's already been over an hour. What is taking so long?
(Erica and Marjorine walk in the front door. Erica proudly waves some photographs through the air.)
Erica: All done. Take a look, see what you think.
(The other girls pass the photos among each other. In each picture Marjorine is wearing a red dress with professionally done hair and make up.)
Kylie: Whoa. Marj, you look AMAZING.
Stacy: Yeah...
Kenny: You're a babe!
Marjorine, irritated: I-I sure hope so. That skirt was so short in the back y-you could see what I had for breakfast.
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washedoutwings · 2 months
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yeah so uhhhh we’re always permanently low on motivation so umm yeah sorry but we are doing one of those note things
20 notes: we will try to take our meds more consistently
50 notes: draw at least something once a week
70 notes: eat something for breakfast every day (at least an apple or protein drink)
100 notes: start keeping better track of our delusions/hallucinations
150 notes: tell our therapist about 2 of our headmates
200 notes: start a system journal
300 notes: tell our therapist about 5 of our headmates
500 notes: tell our therapist about all of our headmates
700 notes: tell our doctor about about our chronic pain
1000 notes: eat something medium for breakfast at least three days a week (like a bowl of cereal)
1500 notes: ask our closer friends to use she/her less (they know that we’re trans)
from here on it’s more about just good habits that we don’t have much motivation for instead of self care type stuff, so less important
2000: draw every day (when possible)
2500: finish writing one of our wip stories/fics
3500: start working on an art commissions portfolio
4500: start working on a writing commissions portfolio
6000: set up art commissions
8000: set up writing commissions
sorry, we feel really guilty about this but we really need some motivation for this stuff. honestly we don’t expect this to even get to 20, but that’s fine! no deadline, ummm if you really want to spam idc, feel free to tag people. i’m not gonna tag anyone, i don’t want anyone to feel pressured
edit: WHAT THE FUCK where did yall come from???????
edit 2: damn i was offline for like 2 days and it was barely at 300 and we log back on to 500+ uhhhh thanks ig lol
edit 3: well we’re almost at 700 so..i guess i’m gonna add a couple more?
edit 4: the gimmicks got to us…also added some more
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cobaltfluff · 3 months
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competitive aquarium date
bonus: the night before
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the humble conkroch
[id in alt]
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kyoukoswife · 11 months
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you ever think abt what if you gave a girl your whole life but she didnt even want it? you gave her your life to protect her and she threw you away?? what if even after that you still took care of her the best you could???? and then when you next see her shes not even her???? because you gave her your whole life to save her but you couldnt protect her?????? wouldnt that fuck you up?????? wouldnt that be so painful????????? you ever think about that?????
look at the full size image for better quality:>
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shriika · 10 months
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keep me in a cool dry place
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lovesickeros · 1 year
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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]
{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]
This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.
She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.
But it'd been almost a week since then.
The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.
That counted for something.
Not much, but something!
..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.
There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.
She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.
So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.
Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.
Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.
Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.
She really didn't like it.
There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.
She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.
She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.
That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.
Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.
But he wasn't.
He was out running her nation, instead.
And what was she doing? Nothing!
She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.
Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.
Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.
..She wasn't ready.
What was she supposed to say?
Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?
She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.
For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.
Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.
Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.
It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
"Focalors?"
The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.
She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.
"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"
The silence is deafening.
She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!
"Lady Furina?"
Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.
"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.
Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.
Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.
"Why aren't you killing me?"
The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.
She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.
"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."
The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.
He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.
..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?
How unfair.
"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"
She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.
..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.
She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.
For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.
Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.
For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.
Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.
She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.
She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.
She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.
"Again."
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#fic tag#neuvillette#focalors#furina#dont ask what happened here idk#this was. also supposed 2 be neuvi focused and then i.#dont talk 2 me abt focalors i wont ever shut up#got a 300k word essay on hand abt how i feel abt her character/how i interpret her personality and her story#focalors jsut like me fr fr (cries at the slightest inconvenience or the slightest mean comment)#shes so pathetic girlfail im gonna chew on her#what happens when reader gets stuck with two emotionally repressed french bastards?? hell#neuvi is the “emotionless” flavor of emotionally repressed in that hes HORRIBLE at showing emotions at all#ask him to smile and its incredibly unnerving and theres too many teeth but hes trying his best please call him pretty or he will cry :(#furina is the flavor of emotionally repressed where she makes it up by having Too Many emotions#using theatrics and masks to show everyone what they want to see but inside this girl is a MESS#constant anxiety and panic 24/7#will do random shit and look at you and if u dont compliment her she will think u hate her and cry#compliment her and she'll do even stupider shit to try and impress you more#i love my scrunkly little babies they r so stupid and mentally ill someone get these bitches some THERAPY#i want 2 put them under a microscope#watch this be ooc fr furina when more of her lore drops if shes not girlfail im leaving#anyway see u in a week im going on a trip ill get back 2 u in 6-7 business days
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kisukazoo · 1 year
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Kisu is in the real world !!!!
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popuriandstuff · 2 years
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pineappical · 1 year
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would calling this something like "the sun to his earth" be a little bit too cliche? maybe...
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otrtbs · 3 months
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BARTYLUS BASEBALL THING
(inspired by this which haunts my thoughts 24/7)
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Word Count: 5.2k
Part: 1/?
Summary: every summer begets the baseball tournament of the year. barty drags regulus to the opening game, kickstarting a series of unintended events.
Barty’s whole body hums, the way it always does when he’s around Regulus. Like the old TV his father has that crackles to life in static whirs, or the green boxes in the neighborhood that Barty would sit on until the sun went down. Constant electricity.
“I mean, they’ve been doing this for years now and I have been explicitly forbidden from going,” Regulus returns. Still, he doesn’t seem affected one way or the other. “Mother wouldn’t like it.”
“Oh, mother wouldn’t like it?” Barty snorts, mockingly. “So what? It’ll give us something to do. And it’ll give us an opportunity to see each other since your parents plan on keeping you locked up in the house all summer,” he counters, and Regulus knocks a sharp shoulder into his arm. “It’s good to stick together. Mother doesn’t have to know.”
They’re walking side by side on the pavement. Slow, shuffling feet. Hands in their pockets. It’s the last day of class for the school year. Without school, there’s no way for Barty to see Regulus. Barty went all of last summer without seeing Regulus and it was boring and brutal.
Regulus takes a hand out of his pocket and pushes the hair out of his face. The sun is bright, and it causes him to squint. “Sirius still playing?”
Barty nods. “Yeah. He’s still on the James Potter all-star team. I heard Potter even talked Frank Longbottom out of retirement for one last summer.”
“He’s only two years older than us,” Regulus scoffs.
“Still, he didn’t play last summer.”
Regulus nods slowly.
They walk down the pavement silently, dragging footsteps, trying to delay the inevitable.
“It is good to stick together.” Regulus looks at Barty and traces the bruise on his cheek with his finger lightly. Barty is proud of the way he doesn’t flinch, even if the bruise is still tender and aching. He’s not so proud of the way he leans into the touch, even if it hurts.
This entire time, Barty was worried about leaving Regulus alone for a summer with no one but his parents for company. Now he thinks Regulus was equally worried for him, for the same reasons.
“But, I don’t like baseball,” Regulus muses, pulling his finger away.
“No, but you like me,” Barty grins wickedly. “Besides, we’ll just make fun of the whole thing, and I’ll steal my dad’s liquor and we’ll make it fun.”
Regulus pretends to think about it, but it doesn’t matter. Barty knows him. He knows Regulus is going to give in.
The summer baseball tournament is a local legend among the neighborhood kids, and the kids from surrounding neighborhoods too. The first baseball game began five years ago after they knocked down an old rickety building and reduced it to rubble. It didn’t take long for the land to reclaim the area and grow into tall stalks of grassy growth. That’s when, at age 12, Frank Longbottom got the bright idea to turn it into a makeshift baseball field.
The first year, Frank could barely get enough people together to make two teams, and it was so hot in the daylight that they never finished a full game before the kids scattered back into their air-conditioned homes. By year two, Frank had taken the entire school year to recruit people from surrounding neighborhoods and moved the games to the evening to beat the blazing heat.
This would be the fifth consecutive year that the tournament would run. Some kids still used the lot to play baseball in the winter or the spring, but this? This was official. After five years, the summer games became a thing of wonder for all of the young people in town. Anyone aged 12-17 could be on a team, you had to have nine to a team to enter, and each team wishing to compete in the tournament would have to have an official group name, a poster, and a roster. You had to submit and finalize your team two months before the school year ended.
That’s when the fun began. Students would make fliers and posters advertising their teams. Slips of copy paper folded up into tiny squares and passed down the aisles of desks to avoid the sharp eyes of teachers and administrators. The official list is always posted on the first Saturday of May. One expertly crayola, stickered, and markered sheet listing the teams, players, and field positions was nailed to the hollow oak tree stump in the woods by the creek. All the children knew where it was, and all of the adults would never stumble across it. Once the list was posted, the betting could begin.
Mundungus Fletcher and his group of friends ran the baseball betting ring. They would sit out by the old tree stump every Saturday with their journals taking meticulous notes of everyone placing bets and what they brought in. Nothing was off limits, Mundungus Fletcher accepted everything from stickers to lighters. Packs of bubble gum, nail polish, the two or three cigarettes you could manage to steal from your father, anything. Of course, not everything was of equal value. A lighter was worth two full-size candy bars (and it couldn’t be one of the bad ones like Almond Joy or 3 Musketeers they had to Reece's or Twix) and two small stickers. A nail polish was worth a rubber band ball and a blow pop. Mundungus Fletcher and his team took their jobs seriously, monitoring the conversion rates and doling out prizes. Every Saturday the children of the neighborhood would scramble, bringing in whatever they thought would be best for the pot. A few stray dollar bills, their coins, candy, lip gloss, sunglasses, bouncy balls, yo-yos, marbles, stamps, pokemon cards, queued-up mp3 players, necklaces, baseball caps, and even beloved childhood stuffed animals weren’t safe when it was time for baseball bets.
Mundungus kept all of the bets in one of his mother’s large kitchen mixing bowls, then two of his mother’s large mixing bowls, then in empty shoe boxes as things began to overfill. He said he hid all the betting goods in a secret, secure location, but Barty was pretty sure he was just keeping it all under his bed. Regardless, Mundungus would bring out the spoils every Saturday so that all of the kids in the neighborhood could see their potential spoils, provided they picked the right team. It was a great incentive to get people to partake.
As for the baseball teams, there were eight this year, the most they’d ever had. They would be competing to be number one. The winning team of the summer baseball tournament became town celebrities for the year. They always got first dibs at the carnival that came to town (they could skip the ride lines and take two turns in a row on the Ferris wheel), they got to use the tire swing into the creek whenever they wanted (they never had to wait to use it or take turns), and, because some of the older kids had jobs already, if you were on the winning baseball team you would often get free movie tickets and popcorn, or free ice cream if one of the other kids was working. There was an unspoken rule, a reverence, that the winning team had with the other kids in town, they were Gods among mortals, they would want for nothing, ask for anything, and receive it. The winning team also gets crowned with Coca-Cola canned bottle crowns that Barty thinks look stupid, but everyone else seems way too into them.
This all happens without the supervision of any adults. It was the most sacred vow that everyone tried not to break. No adults allowed. Adults always had the propensity to ruin things. They would think too hard about things, create problems that didn’t exist, and they would shut the baseball tournament down. This year, like last year, the games don’t start until one in the morning, while almost every adult is asleep soundly in their beds, getting ready for work the next morning. Of course, more than a few adults know about this tournament, and most don’t care. Regulus’ mother, like Barty’s father, is allergic to fun, so they’re both banned from going. Some kids have meltdowns over being banned from the games. Two years ago, a game couldn’t be played because two players were grounded and the team had to forfeit.
The stakes and the pressure were always high.
The stakes were high for Barty this year too, even if he wasn’t playing. He looks at Regulus as they come to the end of the street, shuffling feet. Regulus' house looms behind him, and Barty can see Walburga watching from the window on the second floor, peering purse-lipped through the curtains.
Barty’s hands stay in his pockets. “I guess I’ll see you then.”
Regulus nods. His face doesn’t waver but his eyes sparkle with secrecy. “Yeah, later.”
Throwing rocks at people’s windows is the worst.
Barty isn’t enthused.
First, he had to collect a bunch of rocks to stuff his pockets with on the way over, second, it was dark and there weren’t any street lights on Regulus’ street so everything looked exactly the same, and third, he was rapidly running out of rocks.
He skims them lightly at first. Tap. Tap. Tap.
They bounce off the glass of Regulus’ window in soft thuds.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Jesus Christ, how long did it take for Regulus to sneak out and come down?
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Barty’s annoyed now. Maybe he wasn’t throwing them hard enough?
He throws the next few with more force.
Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.
He keeps throwing them until he’s out of rocks.
Now what?
He stands on the side of Regulus’ house, trying to squint up into the dark window. He’s not sure if Regulus would turn a light on in the house and risk it, but it looks like nothing is going on in there. Regulus had promised him that he wasn’t a deep sleeper.
Outside the crickets chirp in song and the blades of grass tickle Barty’s ankles as the night breeze causes them to sway.
Fuck it.
Barty picks up a much larger rock that’s at his feet, and forgetting himself for a moment, he throws it with all the strength of the last throw and then some. The glass breaks and shatters with a delicious noise, but Barty can't admire it, because he’s already turning on his heel and running.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Past the first house and then the second and then–
Oh.
Oh.
His feet all but screech to a halt on the pavement as he looks up at Regulus’ house. Regulus’ real house. This time he’s sure of it.
It’s not his fault everything looks the same in the dark.
Barty shrugs, trying to calm his racing heart and catch his breath as he leans down to pick up some smaller rocks from the ground.
As quietly as he can, he stalks over to the side of the house Regulus’ bedroom window is on, and starts the process over.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He uses a much lighter touch.
Thankfully, Regulus comes out after nine stones, no lights ever turned on inside the Black family residence.
“I’m surprised you don’t play,” Barty says as they walk side-by-side to the baseball field.
“Why’s that?” Regulus looks at him like he’s sprouted another head.
Barty shrugs, looking up at the waxing moon. “Your whole family does. Sirius and Andromeda are on a team. And Narcissa’s a pitcher. Bellatrix is on Tom’s team. Also a pitcher. You mean to tell me you haven’t thought about it?”
“Narcissa plays?” Regulus furrows his brows. “I didn’t know that.”
There was a lot about summer baseball that Regulus didn’t know. Barty takes it upon himself to explain on the walk over.
“There are really only three teams to beat in this tournament. Tom’s team, they’re the Death Eaters, that’s their team name. Nobody likes them and everyone is afraid of them because they play dirty. Last year, Bellatrix beamed Remus in the nose so hard that she broke it. Tom ordered it. Then you’ve got the Serpents, they’re my favorites. That’s the one Narcissa plays on. They haven’t won a tournament ever, but this is their year. Trust me. And then there’s,” Barty rolls his eyes for dramatic effect. “The Lions or whatever the fuck.”
“Horrible team name,” Regulus’ mouth twists up into a smile.
“Truly,” Barty nods. “James Potter is the captain, right-hand man is your brother, and they of course have recruited the legendary Frank Longbottom to come back and steal the baseball title from Tom’s Death Eaters. It was a huge upset when Tom’s team won two years ago, so much so that Frank quit the following year, and Tom won again, and now,” Barty shrugs. “I guess he’s back.”
“So the Lions are like the founding team?” Regulus asks, and Barty nods. He’s surprised Regulus doesn’t know this from his brother.
“Yeah, the original team. Doesn’t mean they’re gonna win though, even with Frank. Tom might actually kill somebody before he lets that happen.”
“But the Lions, they’re the favorites?”
Barty fake gags. “Depends on who you ask. Not my favorites.”
“Mine neither,” Regulus says decisively.
Barty wonders if he’s thinking about all of the lion posters and memorabilia that Sirius used to keep in his bedroom. Regulus would always complain about the bright red and gold team colors and the obnoxious designs, but he doesn’t complain about anything anymore now that Sirius’ room is empty.
Barty looked out for him then. When Sirius packed up everything and ran away to James’ house. It was odd, Regulus seemed to be the only one who knew what it was then. Walburga and Orion seemed to be in denial. Sirius would come home, it was an extended sleepover– which they were never allowed to have, Sirius would realize how good he had it and he’d come back. Only Regulus seemed to understand that they’d never live under the same roof again.
Barty was there. He was there while Regulus ranted and raved and paced and shook his fists at the sky. He was there when Regulus crumpled up like a sheet of paper and collapsed in on himself, shoulders shaking in silent cries. He was there when Sirius spent every second trying to convince Regulus to come to James’ house with him, begged Regulus to talk to him, tried to pass him letters in the street that Regulus would let fall to the pavement. And he was there when Regulus picked himself up and pretended as if the entire affair was beneath him.
They were there for each other. Alway had been. Barty would never leave like Sirius did. He wouldn’t dream of it. He’d stick around as long as Regulus would let him, as pathetic as that sounded. He’d like to think that Regulus would stick around too. Regulus with his dark eyes and all-too-serious look of someone always deep in thought. Sharp, gray eyes that narrowed in displeasure at everything. It took a lot of effort to get Regulus to smile, even more effort to make him laugh. Barty had never done something so rewarding. The surge he felt in his chest whenever Regulus would grin or laugh at something Barty had said was addicting. It made him lightheaded and delirious.
“Look what I brought,” Barty grins, pulling out the flask from his back pocket. The silver can glints in the moonlight.
Regulus’ hand reaches to grab at the flask as they walk in time. Barty likes the way their feet sound on the pavement when they’re in step. He hates that he’s been having thoughts like these more and more frequently. He can’t fucking help himself.
Regulus takes a swig and does his best not to shudder as the warm liquor lights a fire down his throat. Barty finds it slightly endearing as he raises his eyebrows at Regulus, waiting for him to cough and sputter. It never comes.
Barty watches as Regulus licks his lips and hands the flask back to Barty, cheeks pink. Barty is overcome with the desire to kiss him, to taste the honeyed bourbon still on his lips and feel the lightning bolts race through his veins, but he contains himself. Another annoying and incessant thought.
In an attempt to recover, he swings hard at Regulus’ shoulder, harder than he should, as he tuts, “Don’t drink it all, save some for the game.”
Regulus turns to him once more, face indignant as he rubs his arm where Barty has just punched. “Fuck you, I barely even drank any.”
“It looked like a big swallow to me.”
Now it was Regulus’ turn to punch Barty, but there was no heat behind it. “Fucking hell, I told you to stop swinging on me like that. I’ll break your nose next time, I swear to God.”
Barty grins. “Is that a promise?”
“Freak,” Regulus shakes his head, but he’s back to being amused.
“You love it.”
They make it to the field early, but there are already people streaming in with bright battery-operated lights for the game, talking excitedly to themselves. A team is warming up the field, practicing their swings and stretching, Barty listens to the clatter of the bleachers that someone had brought to the lot two years ago. He’s not sure how they did it.
He watches Regulus watch the scene in wonder.
“They have concession stands?” He asks, looking at the girl and boy selling things on the pavement in front of the lot. They both sit at a little plastic table with plastic chairs, their sign advertises what they're selling, crackerjack, peanuts, sodas, trail mix, lemonade.
“Uh, I guess,” Barty shrugs. “That’s new. Seems a bit much.”
Still, he buys two bags of boiled peanuts and two cokes for them anyway.
Mundungus Fletcher and his friends are there, calling out to everyone to join in the bets. Tonight is the last night to enter.
Regulus stops by and drops off a few things, about ten dollars, 4 packs of gum, sunglasses with flames up the side that used to belong to Sirius, and 5 spinning tops.
“Regulus Black,” Mundungus fills out his name in the notebook in inky black pen, carefully recording the list of everything he’s brought. “Let me guess, you’re betting it all on the Lions?”
His voice is loud and booming, with the confidence of a sports announcer but the underlying hint of deception like a used car salesman.
“No,” Regulus scowls at him.
“Oh, I just assumed because of your brother that–”
“I want to bet it all on the Serpents. I hear their pitcher is really good.”
Barty smiles as Mundungus nods. “And you Crouch? Any last-minute bets?”
Barty shakes his head. “I’ve already got over $50 in the game. I have to draw the line somewhere.”
Regulus signs on the dotted line confirming his entry and they make their way to the bleachers. Even though it’s dark out, it’s still uncomfortably warm outside. Some kids have brought battery-operated handheld fans with styrofoam propellers to keep them cool. Others have ice packs.
Barty figures that he can just sit behind someone with a fan and benefit from the airflow. The bleachers begin to fill up as the game draws closer. Kids bring signs elaborately decorated with all of their best art supplies. Glitter glue, puff paint, rhinestones, and neon markers. Some have even painted their faces.
Barty and Regulus spot Remus Lupin at the same time. He’s walking towards a group of kids scrambling to set up a radio and microphone at the announcer's table.
“One. Two. One. Two,” Remus says into the microphone and it resounds throughout the lot, as a hush falls in the bleachers.
“He’s not playing?” Regulus leans in to ask Barty, his shoulder brushing against him.
Barty shakes his head. “Not since the Bellatrix incident, no. He’s no good anymore. Flinches when the ball comes towards him, forgets to swing the bat.”
“Remus Lupin?” Regulus’ eyebrows shoot up like he doesn’t believe it. But he doesn’t have to believe it, he can see Remus take his place at the announcer's table.
Remus runs the scoreboard, calls the players up, and explains the plays for the kids who don’t really know what’s going on. Mary MacDonald helps him with the music and the score when she’s not playing, otherwise, Rita Skeeter helps out, much to the annoyance of everyone.
“Oh, what the fuck,” Regulus snorts. “What’s next, they bring out someone to sing the national anthem?”
“Don’t give them any ideas.”
The mood shifts in the stadium as they get ready to begin. Remus clears his throat in the microphone and it emits an ear-splitting feedback. Still, some kids were trickling in, sitting in the grass now that the bleachers were full.
On the other side of the field, sat the other teams that weren’t playing that night, just behind the makeshift dugouts.
“They like to sit and scope out the competition. They keep to themselves,” Barty explains when Regulus asks. “Can’t mingle with the common folk.”
Regulus scoffs, but Barty doesn’t miss the way his eyes search for Sirius across the field. When Regulus finds him, Sirius sits up straighter, already looking back. He goes to raise a hand to wave at him but Regulus turns his head away sharply, making a show of it.
Barty watches as Sirius moves to stand up like he’s going to run over to them and talk to Regulus, but a blonde girl, Marlene McKinnon, grabs his arm and pulls him down as the first players run out onto the field.
Remus introduces the two teams, the Death Eaters versus the Badgers. All around them, kids shake their yellow signs exuberantly, while some sport all black signs with skulls on them.
The Badgers are going to get destroyed. Anyone with half a brain would know it the minute they heard the match-up. While you had to be 12-17 to play, most of the kids on the Badgers’ team were closer to 12, whereas the Death Eaters were all 17. Barty was actually certain that a few of the kids were 18 or 19 and only getting by because they’d been held back a year or two in school.
He starts listening in to what Remus is saying as he passes Regulus his bag of boiled peanuts.
“With starting pitcher Bellatrix Black, and your team captain, Tom Riddle.”
The stands go wild, everyone stomping their feet on the metal bleachers causing a thunderous metal rumble and Regulus’ eyes widen at the commotion.
“Let’s play ball,” Remus called, rather monotone and complacent about the ordeal.
Regulus snorts. “This is beneath him.”
Barty nods in agreement.
Since there were eight teams in the tournament, there would be seven rounds total. Each round was a best-of-three battle to move on, for a maximum of 21 games, 21 nights, of baseball madness. They were guaranteed at least 14. Two full weeks of baseball. The event of the summer.
They watch as Bellatrix takes the pitcher's mound, licking up little clouds of dirt with her feet. He knocks his knee against Regulus’ at his cousin taking in both the crowd’s cheers and boos. Barty pours some of the bourbon into his Coke can and does the same for Regulus.
Bellatrix’s wild hair was long and curly, falling down her back. It was only kept out of her face by a black baseball cap, and she smiles sharply at the stands.
A soft tune plays as a short kid with spiky brown hair walks up to home plate, giving his bat a few test swings in preparation.
“I heard she puts some kind of resin or wax on her baseball cap to make the ball sticky,” Barty whispers like it’s some kind of secret.
“I believe it,” Regulus says, also leaning in. Barty tries to ignore the lightning bolts. The static frequency once again turned up a notch. “She used to cheat in every game we played growing up.”
They share a look as Bellatrix puts her fingers to the brim of her baseball hat and nods, baseball glove at the ready. The atmosphere has gone quiet like everyone is holding their breaths. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
The kid at home plate assumes position and Bellatrix winds up. The ball moves so fast that Barty doesn’t have time to register it, and neither does the kid at home plate, as the ball hits the catcher’s mitt with a hard thud.
“Strike one,” Remus’ voice echoes, and the spell is broken.
The crowd roars to life once more.
Barty and Regulus get lost in the atmosphere, the crack of the bat, the whizz of the ball, the cheers of people telling their friends to steal third. They crunch through their boiled peanuts and slowly work their way through their cokes, which get stronger as time passes, due to Barty constantly topping them up with flask bourbon.
At the top of the third, a Badger player manages a triple on Bellatrix, running in two of her teammates, so Bellatrix beams her at the top of the fourth, and lets her walk. It doesn’t matter though, the score is already 6-2. At the bottom of the sixth, Tom scores the first home run of the night, and more than a few of the silly girls from high school chirp and cheer loudly, making heart eyes in his direction.
“I mean,” Regulus leans in to whisper. “I kinda get it.”
Barty screws up his face in disgust. “Fuck no.”
He makes more than a few sarcastic remarks and snarky comments, all of which make Regulus laugh or smile. Barty is humming with delight, but he desperately tries to curtail it. Regulus is also getting into the game. It’s a gradual interest, but Barty finds that he’s watching Regulus more than the game. He watches as Regulus’ eyes furrow when someone gets an out, watches the slight smile grace his face as Bellatrix throws a particularly nasty screwball, watches Regulus’ vague curiosity at Tom’s simpering smirk. At some point, their knees touch, and they stay that way for the remainder of the night. Regulus, who shies away from any sort of contact, hasn't moved his knee away.
Barty fucking loves baseball.
The game ends at a brutal 11-2 at the top of the ninth inning. Though, to the Badger’s credit, they do not look defeated or deterred. They seem more than pleased with their two runs, all jostling and shaking the girl who made it possible with wide smiles and congratulations.
The bourbon has satiated Barty and left his head perfectly hazy. He offers a lazy smile to Regulus. “Walk you home?”
It’s late, and he’s feeling tired, he’s sure Regulus feels the same.
Regulus nods, finishing off the last of the coke, and subsequently the last of the bourbon.
“Can’t let you sleep through morning violin lessons, or French tutoring, or whatever the fuck your weird-ass family has you do.”
“Piano.” Regulus rolls his eyes as he corrects Barty. His cheeks are tinged slightly pink and his eyes are a little glassy.
Barty bites his lip to keep from smiling. What a lightweight.
They’re almost out of the field, about to slip down the quiet streets, when Regulus is pulled back by a hand on his shoulder.
Barty spins around to see Sirius with a group of his teammates.
“You came?” Is the first thing out of Sirius’ mouth.
“Not for you, for Barty,” Regulus shoots off just as quickly.
Sirius’ teammates stare at the ground nervously. He makes note of them. The blonde girl from before, Marlene, and he’d know James Potter anywhere. He’s never seen James without Sirius. And the redhead, Lily.
“Well, we play in four nights if you want to watch,” James offers a slight smile. “I’m James, by the way.”
Regulus regards him coldly. “I know who you are.”
“I just wanted to, uh, say hi.” Sirius’ voice is stilted, odd. Almost pained. Barty makes it his duty to glare daggers at him.
“Well, don’t do it again,” Regulus says smoothly, and Barty can tell he doesn’t mean it.
So can Sirius, as he smiles.
“You know we could always use an extra player on our team.”
“In your fucking dreams, Sirius.”
“Come on, we want to get uniforms made,” Sirius offers again, as if this fact would entice Regulus.
He doesn’t know Regulus like Barty knows him. Regulus would hate wearing matching baseball uniforms. He would detest it. He’d rather die.
Marlene rolls her eyes. “James just wants to prance about in those tight little pants.”
“Yeah,” James shoots back quickly. “And all the girls want to see me prance about in those tight little pants, and who am I to deny the people what they desperately want?”
Lily scoffs as Regulus turns to leave, dragging Barty with him.
“Wait,” Sirius calls. “Are you coming back tomorrow?”
“Maybe. It’s none of your business,” Regulus snaps as they walk out of earshot.
They’re striding down the pavement, no shuffling feet and no delay of time, as Regulus huffs.
“Wait,” Barty can’t help himself from asking. “We are going back tomorrow, right?”
Apart from the Sirius interlude, he had a good time with Regulus. And he figures if Sirius hadn’t ambushed them, then he and Regulus would be taking their sweet time walking home. Time that Barty craved more than anything.
“Yeah,” Regulus nods shortly. “I shouldn’t have talked to him. I should’ve just ignored him.”
“Well, he did make it kind of difficult to do that,” Barty reasons as Regulus fumes.
“Fuck, and then stupid fucking James Potter trying to be so–”
“Annoying,” Barty says at the time Regulus says charming.
He tries to ignore the funny thing his heart does in his chest as they both fall into stunned silence.
“Well,” Barty breathes out. “Not what I was going to say.”
“No, I just mean– you heard him,” Regulus says quickly, taking on a crude imitation of James’ voice. “I’m James. I wear tight pants and steal people’s brothers from them for fun.”
Barty snorts. “Yeah, what a dick.”
Regulus nods and repeats after him. “A dick.”
But it doesn’t sound like Regulus really means it. No one can be both charming and a dick. It doesn’t work like that.
Barty walks Regulus all the way to his house, doing his best to skirt the home with the broken window.
Regulus smiles at him softly. “It was fun.”
He admits it like a secret, like it reluctantly has to be true.
Barty nods in agreement, fighting off the urge to punch Regulus again. “Same time tomorrow, baseball boy?”
Regulus nods, his hand brushing against Barty’s slightly before he turns to head inside through the propped-open window on the bottom floor.
Barty stands on the street corner, just him and chirping crickets as he waits for Regulus to flick his bedroom lights on and off to show he’s made it. Once he does, Barty heads towards his house, trying to ignore the parts of his hand that Regulus has touched crackling to life.
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