#so maybe ill delete tmr
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you ever think abt what if you gave a girl your whole life but she didnt even want it? you gave her your life to protect her and she threw you away?? what if even after that you still took care of her the best you could???? and then when you next see her shes not even her???? because you gave her your whole life to save her but you couldnt protect her?????? wouldnt that fuck you up?????? wouldnt that be so painful????????? you ever think about that?????
look at the full size image for better quality:>
#gtn#gtn spoilers#htn#htn spoilers#gideon the ninth#saphy i SWEAR TO GOD if you see this#you BETTER have one of these tags blocked#🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫#anyways idk how this looks ive spent about 10000 hours looking at it#and ive had to fix so many things that made her look gooft#so maybe ill delete tmr#maybe i wont tho who knows#ive been feelin a lot of feelings abt gideon#poor girly#wait i forgot to tag#gideon nav#tlt#tlt fanart#the locked tomb#gideon spoilers#its night time im eepy
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having a normal one (lying). every goddamn night i have to deal with the array of Thoughts and Imagery my brain throws at me whilst i try to sleep. really do not enjoy this btw
#sinposts#cvents#two biggest players being thinking about spiders and then i wind up feeling crawling for some reason or another#and then the second and perhaps worse one is the paranoia fuel imagery#i ought not to talk about it too much lest it worsten but it sucks real bad#there are nights where i can kind of push it away or those thoughts don’t come as much but#lately it’s a lot and it’s stubborn and it’s getting to me#that post where it’s ike. hm. what’s the scariest image i’ve ever seen but then it’s me at night and with a variety of images#then i wind up going back on my phone to try and distract myself a bit and it just becomes a mess#my bad for rambling in the tags so much oops xx#maybe ill delete this tmr we will see
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#honestly im so frustrated lmaosdlkfjc#ive been trying to gif for an hour#and my photoshop is just not cooperating w me i give up#maybe ill finish it tmr but by that point itll prob be useless jfsd#i have barely put content out recently im sorry im so. aggravated#i dont wanna ramble too much but im sorry fjsdf i love u guys#delete later
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i've been doing so insanely well lately like for the past while
it's been so nice just enjoying the weather and not feeling anxious and spending time w mt friends for the whole entire day.. not thinking ab school or other stressors
i'm so grateful for that tbh. and even yesterday i was gonna tweet smth like "wow i'm doing so well lately i'm so grateful" bc i just felt vv excited for some reason?? like so happy i felt excited. for no particular reason.
also i realized i'm lactose bc i drank so much milk at once today and my stomach is SOOO not happy w me rn 😭 but tmr my friend and i planned on getting hot pot tgt :((((( but like my poor stomach omg
hopefully it'll calm down before then but idk 😭 at least now i know i'm lowkey lactose LOL 😭
anyway i was talking to my friend abt tea and stuff and idk it just came up like talking ab her family judging me and stuff and ik it was a joke since it was literallt for mf boss baby LMFAO but still idk just hearing that triggered a longer list of just 😣😣 not good feelings... like tbh just thinking of other propels perceiving me and judging me
i haven't felt anxious bc of that in a hot minute
omg i'm pmsing no WONDER
Okay tbh that makes me feel a little bit better 😅 like lol it's me but it's not all me 😅😅😅
anyway i've just been feeling extra insecureee..? i hate saying it like that LMAO i mean like i'm just more conscious of people perceiving and judging me and having their own opinion of me... that is potentially negative <//3 LOLLL i don't wanna care what other ppl think but rlly i do it matters quite a bit to me sometimes aka rn
usually i just think like.. everyone likes me HAHA like i have high self esteem?? or maybe inflated sense of self? or just like i think highly of myself.. maybe
idk anyway i've just been feeling not very comfy like everyone is judging me and 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 phew
it sucks cuz i've been having such a good week but like yeah ig this sucky feeling kinda inevitable? or like just smth that happens... huh
anyway idk i feel like my friend is annoyed by me even tho we hanging out tmr and i wanna ask her but also i literally feel like i annoy her rn so i cant ask BRUHHHHHH WTF OKAY this sounds so dumb
omg no
not dumb
it happens
pmsing plus this long long time of happy vibes.. anxious moods come up it's just natural
not dumb
valid
i think today i'm gonna call it a night earlier. maybe draw or smth i don't wanna write in a journal bc seriously this past week has been amazing and i wanna document the happy moments (plus i have this dump here)
anyway
i think just music and drawing will be good. anyway bruh i'm so mf anxious rn okay not that bad just a little bit like iffy kinda just meh 😭
also idk if i should wear makeup tmr 😭😭 a small problem i have cuz idk how ill feel most confident tbh
hhhhhhhsks
okay
think tmr
just finish replying to messages and then wash up and then sheet mask maybe
grrrr
okay u know what
grr
whatever
as long as i'm confident what other people perceive me as doesnt matter
like if they think i'm annoying.. i'm sure of myself and i love myself so it's like whatever.... it rlly doesn't matter
me superiority i can do this
ok reply then shower then face mask
i'm getting bff to reassure me explicitly LOL also i realized i might be a bit off cuz i watched girl w dragon tattoo and there r some HARD scenes in there 😭😭
i feel so 😣😣😣😣💀
ok just finish replying
the phone off
and me time
it'll be okay
phew
😪😪😪😪 rough night man... rough af
i'm deleting ig now LOL no more f this shit
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ENDME.PNG / ENDMYSUFFERING.JPG / STOPTHIS.GIF
#･ ﾟ´ ` ‿⁎ —— OOC . « HOBBIT AT YOUR SERVICE »#･ ﾟ´ ` ‿⁎ —— TBD . « ONCE SPOKEN NOW FORGOTTEN »#okay but ????#can personals pls dont reblog my ooc posts and stuff ????? like ?????#i rlly dont wanna block them but i feel like i hate to soft block at least#like y the fuck would u reblog a starter call from me ?? this is not a regular tumblr post for christs sake ???? lmfao#im tired of this it makes me anxious af fam LMAO.#& i hate it. those are MY ooc posts ill delete again ??!?!? so pls dont reblog ANY OF THEM. @ personals !#thanks ?!??!?!?! do i really have to add a block rule for personals ???#do i rlly have to add a dO NOT REBLOG RULE ????#like ????? I THOUGHT u D KNOW BY NOW lmfao.#gomen yall imma fuck off again now tbh ! ! ! ! !#& catch me on skype / im later maybe#my exam is tmr and i gotta go through my notes again#and make sure i wont fail tmr lmfao#love yall ! kisses dash !
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