#idk how many people this will reach
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Hey! Since Tumblr is, uh. Who even knows, I just want to remind people that Pillowfort exists!!! I remember folks calling it the AO3 of social media when it first launched--there's no advertising, no algorithm, it's built to be a Tumblr that's for users, not by profit.
It's currently suffering because it's not making enough off of subscriptions and such to qualify as a business, which would mean they can't write off deductions, and, well. They're in danger. But if people want an alternative that's very similar to Tumblr but with some better ownership, give it a shot! See if you like it, consider supporting them if you can! It'd be so nice to have somewhere to go that's not the current alternatives, and I figured it's worth tossing the info out there
#PIllowfort#I'm revenantpoet over there if anyone wants to connect over there! :D#Idk how many people this will reach#BUT IT'S WORTH TRYING#Pls reblog if you're willing
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Hey, so I think I’m gonna take a break from writing for a week or so, I’m just not feeling that great all around and I think a break might jog my creativity and help me feel better. Love love you all and I’ll be back soon 🫶🫶
#idk how often I’ll be on the app#like reading and replying to my mutuals stuff#but I’ll try to#my mental health is just plummeting#really worryingly fast#and i don’t know why#so I think a break is due#love love you all 🫶🫶🫶#and appreciate ALL OF YOU#idk how many people this will reach#but it’s ok#tom blyth#fic writer
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i was talking with a friend a couple days ago about love songs and i can't stop thinking about this
#polls#the song we were talking about was fair by#the amazing devil#crush#crushcore#love#lovecore#romance#romancecore#heartcore#idk how many other -cores there are#aromantic#love songs#euhm please reblog this i want this to reach a lot of people but im embarrassed to type out this many tags#polls on tumblr#1k
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merlin’s secret being a visual thing. when he is around arthur or gwen or leon or morgana or [insert whatever character here] merlin seems pale and thin, almost like a ghost or an apparition. when the sun lands on him he reflects it like a corpse, he eyes seem dark and dull. he has this ethereal beauty to him, this otherworldly visage that leads many to believe he is of fae blood. he just doesn’t seem to be 100% human. but when he is ONLY with lancelot or gaius (cough or gwaine bc gwaine DEFINITELY knew) merlin is heartachingly human. merlin shines in the sunlight, colors are brighter and more vibrant around him, and his smiles are wide and his laughs are boisterous. he takes on color and leaves everyone wanting to know him. but when other join in or interact with the two, merlin shifts before their eyes so quickly and suddenly that they aren’t sure whether or not what they saw was a trick of the light. the idea still leaves them wanting more and wanting to see the merlin who is just so full of life but that merlin only appears for a small select group of people. merlin who has a guard so high that it has an effect of other’s perception of him.
#arthur is absolutely steaming about this btw#he so desparately wants to be in the golden bubble around merlin in those moments#but his mere presence seems to pop it#hes fuming#its not until after the magic ban is repealed that everyone gets to see the glowing golden merlin#and they finally realize what the trick of the light was#merlin who is magic incarnate who (no matter how hard he tries) cannot fully repress what makes him him#arthur who finally gets to be in the golden bubble and its so much better than he ever couldve imagined#merlins magic is finally able to roam free the way it only could with a few people#merlins magic who absolutely adores arthur and is constantly reaching out for him even if him and merlin arent in the same vicinity#lmao arthur bringing up how merlins magic likes to card thru his hair and ease any sore muscles he may have#and lancelot and gwaine going ‘wtf? what about my muscles and hair?? merlin hates me?? merlin is playing favorites???? jail.’#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#subtle magic my beloved#visibly Strange merlin my dear#idk i was thinking about pre-magic reveal!arthur watching merlin and lancelot talking and then pouting and going#‘why doesnt he smile and look at me like that? :(‘#and then post-magic reveal!arthur having a moment of realization and going#like ‘oh hes hiding a huge part of what makes him him. i only know half of my best friend.’#and then setting out to know ALL of him bc arthur and merlin are soulmates and in love and two sides of the same coin and best friends and-#im going thru my drafts and finding so many banger posts#idk why i never posted them LMAOO
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Y'know about that worst-case neglect route down the acts?
So, what if the menu changes at that point?
Mirabelle
Isabeau
Odile
Bonnie
"a-and Siffrin!"
Siffrin's turn becomes automatic and Bonnie becomes a playable character
they just want to be useful
they are desperate to be useful to their team
That's absolutely heartbreaking thank you for the mental image I am in shambles
They will still not let Bonnie fight no matter how op they get, no no no, Bonnie is a kid so no getting in harms way! but siffrin feeling like he isn't part of the game anymore? isn't part of the team??? Agh that's so possible I AM DEAD
#TINY RAMBLING TIME The neglect route is so so so so hard to reach cause the party is very sweet#and you need to have EVERYONE be very neglectful to siffrin WITH CONSISTENCE#think of undertale's 'no mercy route' in the 'you can't reach this path unless the player is ACTIVELY seeking it' way#cause if bombom give sif (WHO IS THEIR IDOL) comfort sweets#or isabeau reassure him people are just very determined about saving and they can (insert future promise that will 'never happen')#or mirabelle apologises (they have as much bad and bothersome memories about sif as they have very sweet and nice sif memories)#they already won't get his 'i can help!' skill#i have so many mental images about this route and how many bad choices need to be done to reach it but idk HOW TO EXPLAIN THEM T-T#i hope you catch the vibe tho
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Made this for the Solarpunk Aesthetic Week server in a sudden creative fever, so I guess I'll post it here too hh
A relative of mine knows someone who teaches kids, so I'm gonna suggest this as an art project for them! The idea is that students could each make/decorate their own shelf, then put them together to form a hive, which could function as mini lockers in their classrooms. Then, by the end of the school year or something, they could either take their own little shelf home (or exchange them with their peers?), or recycle them into materials for the next class! Hopefully it'll teach them about pollinators too 🐝
Idk how doable this project is really, and its scary to imagine one of my silly designs could actually become something tangible irl. But even so, I'm still excited to try 🥰 (And if anyone else attempts this too, please let me know!!!)
#art#artists on tumblr#solarpunk#earth day#ani if u see this thank u for the inspiration <3#and uhhh idk if art can be considered action but.......#solarpunk action week#SPAW#roobiedoodle#not many people responded in the server so idk if its any good really ;;;; just leaving it here to archive ig#so far ive only shared solarpunky ideas within my tiny social circle so. its scary to think about reaching out to strangers with all this#ik like community is a big part of the movement but liiiike. OOOGH. WAAAGH IDK IDK WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES#ok. random extra idea: i think the nest design would also look vv cool as a ceiling lamp 💡 thats how it hangs irl anyway!#bugs#wasp#insects#<-SORRY I FORGOT TO TAG WARNINGS
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it probably is insane how much I wish I could express the thing about spones. the vibes about spones. Like there's the joking fun fandom vibes and I love them, I love to play with them, of course of course. but the THING. the CORE to me. i wish i could capture it and share it.
#like. the constancy. like the friction matters because it's hand in hand with the steadfastness you know? and it doesn't preclude tenderness#also climbing into the mind of the person you've been obsessed with understanding and being understood by.#and the fact that it's lifelong. and the teasing. and the fact that the growth is in the allowance of imperfections#allowing that imperfections exist in who you love allows you to love them allows you to love yourself#and i always love people knowing what you believe and bolstering it when you feel lost even when it's not their philosophy#(bones asking spock hope? isn't that a human failing? and him not allowing that#spock losing himself to emotion in all our yesterdays and bones reminding him how antithetical that is to him)#but even with all that seriousness - the TEASING. the plain fun. the constant reaching out regardless of their moods#the constant seeking each other out. the almost - given nature of the relationship.#it's not in some ways as dramatic as a Simple Feeling as the When I Think of You I Feel Shame.#it's bones growing into old age the human way one day at a time with spock#when people are like oh spock just put his katra in him because he was there - yeah. and he was always going to be the one who was there#this is why the earth moon sun metaphor works for the triumvirate so much better than sun moon stars imo#bones is the earth spock is the moon kirk is the sun#'the captain was indispensable'#the sun - a distant lifegiver to them and many others. they do revolve around it. have unique relationships to it#the earth revolutes the sun which brings it life. the moon has a face it only shows the sun#and the moon revolutes the earth. their gravity shapes each other. they reach out to each other. they formed in a collision outward#in some ways are entirely different but have the same stuff in them. spin the same.#idk it just makes so much sense for them all.#but even just getting back to them. again just the obsession with each others mind.#'i will never understand the medical mind' 'mathematically perfect brainwaves'#and then complimenting each other always so startlingly out of the blue with their own fields -#'you have a good bedside manner spock' 'perhaps if they had your ingenuity they would have'#the seeking each other's advice out even if it's just to argue with it lmao. the motif of their last words always going to each other#even wrath of khan - we know spock was talking to bones in his head. i do always wonder what was in their tsfs reunion scene#that shatner didn't want to happen.#I don't know and even this isn't the heart of it.#there's the families and the way they fit into each other's conception and value and weight of family#do i even tag this spones. this is just crazy rambling.
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A–Aventio TGCF idea?? Wherein Civil God Veritas Ratio meets the infamous Ghost King Aventurine during his first mission cuz cuz like— The "live for me" paralels?!? The one who has all the luck partner as well?!? The villain who was actually not the Villain this whole time!?!? The loving humanity a little too much it causes their downfall !?!?!?
Rant AU in the tags proceed with caution
#Okay to put it into better words:#Veritas having once being a prince wanted to give everyone the prosperity of knowledge and became a civil god in the pursuit of it.#Sadly this backfires in people using that knowledge for their own greed and creating civil wars within it as well as unleashing far more#Destruction upon the land. And the other gods didn't help Veritas in stopping that bc see that's what happens when people overshare info!!#So the aftermath is just pure chaos plus banishment from being a civil god and thrown as this god of war and plague.#800 years passes and he is seen to just still be doing the same things but I a simple term. Teaching people to read and count.#Often times taking up mission and doing research on new pathogens to help cure the sick that can't afford and somehow during a reading#Lecture he gets ascended back to godhood and everyone is like ??? And even he is like ???#Well he doesn't care much about it and just continues to do what he's always done. Except that once in a while he has to take a detour#Mission to deal with ghosts and other malignant spirits. And upon one of those recurrences he finds himself aquaintanced with#The infamous Ghost King Aventurine. Who is mostly feared in heaven due to having beaten the strongest and wisest at their own games. Even#When the odds where fully against him.#As for Aventurine.#His life was harsh but as the prince had given a lot to the people#Not just education but also free them of diseases and sickness. One of which had struck his sister. He liked the prince and wanted to#Follow in giving and protecting the prosperity of the former kingdom. But the good things did not last and his family was struck in between#The many wars that took place. No matter how much refuge Kakavasha and his sister sought no place was ever#Safe enough for them.#He watched the entire world go up in flames yet somehow he could hate the prince-god for it. But rather the people who had started to#Create weapons in his name. The rest of his years he spent it as a warrior slave and then when death reached him he couldn't even go to#The afterlife since he still held so much vigor and wanted revenge to all the people who had turned his land into ashes and his family#Into bones. That is why he became a mourning ghost.#(I didn't want the kakavasha story to be so centered on ratio like it is in tgcf. Because I think it will be fun for the two of them to#Not recognize each other at first after 800 years and then when they do. Rather when aven does he's full on: oh shit it's the cute prince—#As for who was the cause of the upheaval in the kingdom and the maker of the weapons. Idk I was debating there being more than just one#Antagonist to have pulled their strings in verita's kingdom as well as be the reason Aven's sister died. So he's more revenge seeking for t#And the genius society as civil gods just spoke to me it for so perfectly. Ling wen as Ruan mei? Yeah exactly.#ratiorine#Aventio#Dr ratio
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Season 2 Jayce with season 1 Viktor this, beard Jayce with young Viktor that….fools, all of you. I raise you, season 2 arc 2 Viktor and season 1 Jayce.
#like…not putting Viktor in his whole machine herald get up not because this would not work on season 1 Jayce. it would. we all know it would#I just have a terrible weakness for Jesus viktor with his grape blu hextech body and the blanket as a tunic#what a look I mean#but yeah. young enthusiastic dreamer Jayce that just wants to bring magic back into the world Mets very much magical and balayage hair Vik?#Viktor is eating him for breakfast. he is having a tea (science) party in the cosmos everyday with this young fascinated Jayce#he is explaining the wonders of the universe non stop until Jayce has a nerd meltdown and just catapult himself into Viktor’s arms#Jayce being like a yappy chihuahua to whoever doesn’t notice Viktor is the best thing ever#(he is inoffensive but very annoying and loud about it)#and getting very angry about it ‘he killed people jayce!’ ‘he did not! he just make himself their life support! because he is so supportive!#Viktor is just like spiraling at top speed but without actually moving bc season 1 Jayce has so many questions and he has to answer them all#so logically the world has to wait for Viktor to fix it bc first he has to explain to Jayce how it works#season 1 Jayce accidentally saving the world bc of the joy of discovery! viktor slowly being like wait…I ain’t dying anymore no need to rush#and being like let’s learn everything about a butterfly and then try and recreate it with magic or sth#and then they try some other things and Viktor realizing slowly (by the time they have a hextech zoo or sth) that his way#does not truly bring life or evolves for life but stagnates it. the beings cannot adapt cannot grow cannot change and thus are not alive#and Jayce being all ‘oh no what about you?’ and ‘I will love you forever’ and ?you are so intelligent pls devour me carnally’ idk#the way the stumble into the joy of a fix it bc they are too busy nerding out - also Viktor realizing Jayce still has human needs and all#and realizing those allowances are not weakness - this is a reach he would never do that but oh well this is also fanfic.#ANYWAY. season 2 Viktor season 1 Jayce! hear me out!!#jayvik#arcane#jayce talis#viktor arcane
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Alright everyone, buckle up and sit down. I was talking with @nerdasaurus1200 on another post and came to the conclusion that I need to write Sera meta so let's freaking GO
I'm mostly gonna be talking about Sera, what we know about her so far, and what makes her tick (aka her fears) and why she's not a bitch/asshole the way apparently so many people like to portray her? (I've mostly just been hanging out with fan art and headcanons specifically about Lucifer in the fandom so I haven't seen these specifically, but someone approached me about how they liked m portrayal of Sera in my fic which was NOT that of an asshole and apparently multiple people are portraying her that way? Idk I haven't seen any but uh yeah let's talk SERA)
Characters are always the most important part of a story, and even if they're not a main character and/or the audience nor the writer know what they want/need, the writer at the very least needs to know How and Why a character makes decisions, instead of just "oh they're an asshole" So let's do that for Sera. Why is she making the decisions she's making? LETS GO
Let's start off by talking about what we know about Sera
She's at least as old as Lucifer, she was there for the creation of earth given the appearance of her silhouette in Charlie's exposition
We know that the exterminations might have been Adam's idea, but it was HER decision to approve them
We know that she's FOR SURE older than Emily
and the other thing we know for sure about her is that she is the High Seraphim (we don't know WHAT that means exactly but clearly it is a position of authority and rule)
So those are the things we know for sure:
She's about as old as Lucifer
She approved the exterminations
She's older than Emily
and she's the high Seraphim
Now I'm going to circle back to all of these points but I want to start off with her relationship with Lucifer
Unfortunately for all of us, the only thing we can say about their relationship with 100% certainty is that they for SURE know each other, either because they were essentially "coworkers" in the past, or because they're both the respective rulers of their realms (even if Sera has some people above her) and they're implied to interact with each other
(at the very least you cannot convince me otherwise that they don't interact. Someone had to have talked to Lucifer about the exterminations for him to have had "approved it" and we know it wasn't Adam because Lucifer hadn't seen Adam since he fell to hell until the finale, and we know that Sera was not only the one to approve said exterminations but also decreed that no one else in heaven know about them. She clearly must have spoken to Lucifer about it because there's nobody else left who had the authority to do that AND knew about them)
So at the very least in present day Sera and Lucifer have some sort of professional relationship as leaders. And I'll come back to this because it's implied that this relationship isn't a very good one, but first let's talk about the past
full stop, we have NO IDEA what sort of relationship Sera and Lucifer might have had when he was still in heaven. But here's the thing, even if their relation was strictly "yeah I know them cuz I work with them, but that's as far as it goes" Lucifer's fall STILL would have been horrifying for Sera to witness. He was the same rank as her, probably no other angel except the elders likely ranked higher, and they still banished him. Charlie's storybook leaves it at that, but Lucifer implies it was violent in his debut episode.
trauma is a funny thing when you think about it, you're just as likely to develop trauma by watching someone else be assaulted as you are for you to have been assaulted. And Sera was there, she likely saw the whole thing happen. So not only did Sera watch how brutal the elders could be to someone who questioned and disobeyed the order, but the fact that it was done to LUCIFER someone of equal rank and authority as her means that absolutely NOBODY is safe from the elders
and this is without taking into account that on some level, she and Lucifer had to have been close. There are no other seraphim in heaven besides her, the elders (who appear to be rather hands off and uninvolved) and Emily. Emily was likely created as a replacement for Lucifer, so at the time, it was basically just her and Lucifer as the only seraphim up there. They not only worked closely together, they likely had a close bond as well. Now I have my own head canon preferences as to what kind of bond, BUT let's ignore that and look at 3 options (although there are likely more, but huuu this post is gonna be long already so let's not push it yeah? )
option 1: equal peers. You are Sera and you've known Lucifer all your life. You two have "grown up" together, learned about the world and your powers together. You're comrades in arms! You know all of each other's secrets! You lean on each other for support as you lead heaven together. You work together all the time. Sure, he can be a little excitable at times but it's so much FUN right? This guy could be your bestie/brother. And you sit back and watch as the only ones with more authority than you, skewer him and banish him to hell for having questioned the order and now there's a metaphorical spear against your back at all times because you know it could have been you instead, and it could still be you if you don't behave
Option 2: Lucifer is your mentor. He's taught you everything you know. The ropes, your powers, the world. He's fantastic! You admire him greatly. He has such energy you could never hope to match. You put him on a pedestal, and in one fell swoop the only people he answers to destroy your mentor in front of you. You are now alone, without any more advice or guidance other than a warning to not step out of line as your mentor once did
Option 3: Lucifer is your apprentice. He's adorable! A little over enthusiastic but who doesn't love someone who's passionate about the things they like? He brings a wonderful energy and vibe, and... he's your responsibility. You try to reign in his wild energy only for the elders to step in and banish him because you failed him and now you know that the elders could do that to you too
So, I'll be honest, option 3 is NOT the one I'm biased towards, but if it ends up being that one, it would make Sera's behavior towards Emily extra heartbreaking. She already failed one apprentice, she will not fail another one, right?
Either way, Sera is terrified of going against the elders because of what they did to Lucifer in spite of his rank. She knows first hand how harsh they can be and because of that, she will do everything in her power to make sure nobody around her falls into the same fate. No one will ever question the elders again, and she will lie and withhold information to make sure that happens
And we're just talking about the INITIAL banishment.
Now why would Sera bring this up, unless what she was most afraid of wasn't even the initial banishment, but of the suffering she clearly knows comes afterwards? And why would she care or even know about the suffering? Well, if it's true that she and Lucifer were close, then regardless if she was spying on him or not the way we know heaven can do, she still watched a cute enthusiastic little angel go from this:
to this
all because because he suffered.
She watched him question, get banished, suffer, and change into someone she didn't recognize, in real time. And the worst part is, she's not only scared of what happened TO him, she's personally scared OF him and what he's become. He might be fallen, but he's still a powerful angel
And this segways into another bullet: she approved the exterminations, but WHY
Charlie's intro implies it was as some sort of punishment towards Lilith who was rallying the demons and they felt threatened
But clearly there's more to this
So first thing I'd like to point out, Sera doesn't look happy about this decision. She mentions as much in the song "You didn't Know" when she outright tells Emily "It was such a hard decision" and earlier in the same episode she outright tells Adam she wouldn't have approved of this if she had known it'd make things "worse"
But this is incomplete. Something doesn't make sense. Sera clearly meets with Lucifer for certain matters as previously established, and Lucifer, in spite of his initial trauma "NO CHARLIE DO NOT TALK TO HEAVEN" knee jerk reaction, never doubted that he COULD in fact get her a meeting with heaven. He outright tells her at the end of episode 5
He never says, "I'll try to get the meeting". He says straight up, I can do this. There isn't a doubt in his mind that he can get this meeting. He knows Sera will meet with him/take his call (idk how he contacts heaven) and will agree to the meeting. We don't really know WHY Sera agreed to this if she thought it was a bad idea and never really intended to entertain the idea to begin with, going as far as to tell Adam to rig the results and calling Charlie misguided. So what's up? Why on earth would she agree to it? Well...?
Sera is scared of the demons of hell, hence why she approved the exterminations, but she's even MORE scared of Lucifer and folded to his request. (or idk maybe there's more going on here and she feels guilt about what happened to him so she folds to him sometimes idk, but for the sake of this meta, SHE'S SCARED OF HIM)
but here's what's kinda weird. Charlie's storybook only mentions LILITH'S involvement with the demons rising in power, not Lucifer. Sera later claims that they were uprising to Emily as the reason she's scared of them and that it's her job to keep everyone safe.
Clearly SOMETHING happened between the creation of Hell and the exterminations being approved that involved BOTH the sinners AND Lucifer that made Sera scared of both. Sera doesn't seem the type to fear without reason. She fears questioning the order because that incurs the elders' wrath. She fears the elders because of what they did to Lucifer. She fears angels falling because she saw how much it hurt Lucifer. Sera is not the type to fear randomly. Clearly there is some sort of thing that happened that made it clear to Sera that Lucifer is to be feared enough to fold to his requests and that the sinners are dangerous enough that it justifies genocide.
And now to bring back the whole Sera is older than Emily. Emily didn't know this otherwise Sera wouldn't have needed to tell her. AKA Emily wasn't even around when said conflict happened. Sera not only had to go through something that clearly traumatized her to the point where she agreed that genocide was a reasonable response, but she had to go through that ALONE. Trauma is hard enough to deal with, but to have to navigate it alone really gives it some steroids it has no business in having
This genuinely makes me wonder how long the exterminations have to have been taking place. It probably took a WHILE for hell to gather up enough numbers that they started making buildings by the look of Charlie's storybook, AND THEN did something against heaven, so this was not happening from day one of hell, far from it. And this also makes me wonder how old exactly is Emily? She strikes me as extremely young
season 2 come out please, I'm working from CRUMBS here, there is so much we don't know
But yeah, all of this to say, Sera isn't just some alpha bitch who's prejudiced against demons (not to say there isn't bias there, there ABSOLUTELY is, ugh) but at her core, she's a leader who underwent a lot of trauma and she's full of fear and she makes decisions, rational, moral or not, based off of that fear. And yeah unfortunately, fear, especially trauma based fear, messes with us in ways we never would expect
a kind man may suddenly resort to violence. The confident argumentative person, may instead end up frozen. Someone who thought they valued their family all their life instead runs away. We may regret what we do in moments in fear, we might even logically know that we're making bad decisions, or decisions that go against our morals. Sera CLEARLY hates that she made the decision to approve extermination, but she holds onto it steadfast because it alleviates the fear
Funnily enough, I don't particularly LIKE Sera. I dislike her microaggressions towards Charlie and her attempts to sabotage her efforts at the meeting by calling upon Adam. But as a writer, looking at the clues I got to say she's a very interesting character to me. She seems like a reasonable authority figure, but she's so full of trauma that she's letting her fear make all of her decisions for her
#hazbin hotel#Sera#sera hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#lucifer#Meta#Analysis#character analysis#ugh I wanted to talk about so many other things too#but they would derail the overall topic of SERA#so idk maybe be on the look out for more meta from me?#I almost went off on a whole tangent on how Lucifer and Sera respond to trauma in an eerily similar way#Lucifer was so desperate to just give Charlie whatever she wanted#but the second she said the magic trauma words#there was no hesitation no thoughts on his part just immediate IDEA SHUT DOWN#like the way when you touch a hot surface and the signal of HOT doesnt even reach your brain#your spine just yeets your hand away from it before you can even process what happened#that's what happened to Lucifer#he heard HEAVEN and immediately said NO#Sera is similarly also shutting down ideas from Emily due to#get this#THE SAME EXACT TRAUMA#(lucifer's banishment by the elders)#idk it's pretty fascinating#but yeah Sera isn't a bitch or an asshole she's just scared#for herself but especially for the people she loves
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Happy Halloween!!
Hiii can we do a thing where we draw our characters (OC, lambsonas, online sonas, literally any character of your choice) in a Halloween costume?
I think that would be so rad.
On Halloween 10.31
Yah?
#pinetree yaps#i mean idk who is gonna see this#or how many people itll reach#But i think it would be a fun cool rad thing to do#maybe go trick or treating in each others ask box during the month of October#its already Halloween#yah
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Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D
I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.
Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.
I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!
I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.
I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer
I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.
So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3
#I'm not leaving the fandom btw! Just realized it kinda sounds like I will but I won't!#Still got my fem versions and some animations to spice things up in case I feel less inclined to draw my resident skeles lol#To the people that reached out before this thank you SO much!!!#I know this is not gonna reach many people considering my leave but i deeply appreciate it<3#I wouldn't be surprised if people forgot why they even followed me in the first place with how long I've left this time Hhhh#There's some plans about commissions as well cause no matter how many times I fix this poor pc it keeps failing me lmao#And I wanna try my hand at it to feel less pressured and dependent on my academics :')#It's a scary thought and an even scarier process and idk if you guys will be interested? but that's for another post ig >:)c#muah muah ily all thanks for EVERYTHING cause I'd restart this blog all anew if I didn't have so many people that I'd miss around here >:'D#blah blah Yuri is back on her bs so get ready for some banger art!!#To any mutual reading this pleaaaase bear with me if I don't reblog your art immediately#cause I've been tagged on a few and I wanna give them five tags each at minimum and I don't know where to start HHH#If there's something specific you want me to see you're welcome to tag me In it but don't be discouraged I haven't gotten to it yet!#This is So long I'm genuinely sorry aughghg 😭
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100 FOLLOWERS WHAT?!?!?
Well, you know what that mean........
DRAW THIS IN YOUR STYLE TIME YIPPEEE
Rayfrog edition because I know that 95% are in fact Rayfrog shippers and followed me for Rayfrog
El rules are El simple
No tracing
You could change the pose! Just make sure that Rayman is holding the cage and in love
Tag #Rayfrog100 in your post so I can see it! Tag me as well :D
There will be three winners
1st: Full body, fully shaded drawing of one/two characters
2nd: Full body, mostly shaded drawing of one character
3rd: Half body, flat color of one character
Everyone else will get a silly sketch :D
Deadline is February 29th
(Btw I'm hosting the same thing on my Insta, but there will be different winners don't worry)
The og image and me yapping will be under the cut:
Wow. 100 followers. That is stunning considering the fact that I started actively posting back in July.
(It normally takes me a whole year to get 50)
I like to say thank you all for like my silly art involving silly guys. You're likes and reblogs mean the world to me :D
So to celebrate, enjoy Rayfrog irl
Yes, I bought both of them for the sole reason to make them kiss. I have my priorities in check.
#YAYYY#this was orginally a dtiys for insta only#then i reached 100 here#so i was like#sure why not#idk how many people are gonna join#my dtiys get very little attention lmao#but i have fun drawing the yaoi#so yay me#thank you all#rayman#captain laserhawk#rayfrog#fanart#digital art#rayman fanart#clh fanart#clh#captain laserhawk a blood dragon remix#bullfrog#balak the bullfrog#bullfrog x rayman#rayman x bullfrog#dtiys#dtiyschallenge#rayfrog100#draw this in your style#clhabdr#ubisoft#captain lazerhawk
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Mondstadters being extremely religious with the unshakable believe that Barbatos is always looking out for them, greeting people with "Barbatos bless you", praying to Barbatos to keep their children safe
vs
Barbatos is literally asleep
#waving my arms about mondstadt being such a religious city#but also the city where even the god himself goes 'yeah no one's seen the god for thousands of years'#in a world where pretty much other nation sees their god at least once a year if not more#like. what causes this level of devotion when you can look at any other nation and go 'their god is there helping the people'. ya know???#or. do other nations look at mondstadt and go 'what does their god do again? and why does he get so many prayers'#and. idk. it feels almost sad to me that they put all this faith in venti when none of it is getting heard#(not as in venti doesn't help around mondstadt but as in venti is Sleeping)#or may for them their own faith is enough regardless of whether it reaches barbatos or not#but like in such a city i can see how people such as la signora happen everyone prays and prays and nothing is done#their god abandoned them so what makes him worthy to be a god#genshin talk
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thought about only talk about this on private but too big emotion impulse control not working (not that it ever do) n aware this bitter unfair extreme binary dichotomy exaggerate “catastrophizing” or whatever but 👍 right now don’t care. yea autism ugly trauma for be ignored abused in community ugly
seeing two group people on that post about LSN level 1 (etc) autistics that escaped containment
1. those who regulars on our (general our, HrSN / level 2&3 / severe / nonverbal / comorbid ID / whatever language we use describe self) blog who interact reblog listen ally who hyper anxious about them speak over us that they forget they allow exist too allow say struggle too without disclaimer about them “be LSN/level 1/etc n so not nearly as bad/can never understand”. aka who post was about. it okay you can exist as self can relax can take up space
2. those who probably never reblogged stayed followed intentionally listened on purpose try learn more about us beyond occasional reblog on their dash, maybe this first time ever see someone like me. maybe this first time they ever reblog from someone like us n it post validating them. or only time ever talk about people like us is to talk about how they always be compared to us n people who invalidate them use us invalidate them (which sucks but if this the literal only time you remember we exist. come on). never listened to A WORD by us unless we used as this mythical group (that only exist in concept not actual humans around them) that can be used for their argument speak for us by speak over us. n cannot bear thing not about them n selective cherry pick post. you all need be prescribed very different post
it shows
#🍞.txt#vent#anger tw#idk what tag this lol#‘think about why this post about LSN get so much more notes so faster than posts abt HSN’ ‘oh it because LSN get invalidated’#…. yea unfortunately they do n it sucks but that not really whole reason why such BIG DIFFERENCE in notes is it#don’t care about notes numbers but do because it represent how many people got to reach got to hear
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Oh… that’s Sunday’s ENG VA doubling down on his support for Chris Niosi
#honkai starrail#moze hsr#hsr sunday#honkai star rail#this situation is a joke how is this even being debated#even if you want to argue Chris needs it to work he was literally getting jobs between this one and was doing fine#also va work is not the only job. HE fucked up legally in multiple ways and as a result lost that privilege#people are fucking concerned bc this is giving him a big platform to abuse again#and I’m sorry?? but idk! unpopular opinion ig! but um I don’t think a man who has reportedly never reached out to his victims has#truly taken the steps to change and better himself#the people he hurt should absolutely chose if he can work again or not bc he used his position to hurt people#I’m sorry I know I’m talking about this a lot but it pisses me off to continuously seeing people defend gross men like this#it also pisses me off to see how many people are ignoring it#I’m not gonna go off about this more bc plenty of people have said my thoughts in better ways but I rlly hope Hoyo does smth abt this#hoyoverse#honkai star rail fandom
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