#idk how likely that is but its a fear of mine nonetheless

[graythursday]

i rly hope that the public’s positive reaction to sofia in the penguin prompts writers to involve her in comics more. shameful she only has two appearances 😓 she deserves to come up more than she has.!!!!!!! if she does make a return to the comics tho they better keep her original design and not base her around cristin’s portrayal of her (even tho she’s phenomenal) 🤞

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

The Anomaly || JJK

Chapter 3: Accomplices

summary : In which you're isekai'd from your (own) parallel Jujutsu Kaisen universe to the canon universe.

wordcount : 3k

Pairing: Jujutsu Kaisen X Reader, eventually Character x Reader (idk who yet tho)

Masterlist | Next

The fight between you, Yuuji and the cursed spirit was running relatively smoothly. You're pleased to find out that this Yuuji is much like your Yuuji. Neither seem to care about how they're getting the job done, as long as they get the job done. He's athletic, you notice, jumping from spot to spot and launching punch after punch.

You don't need to do much. One of your water skins is uncapped as you use it. You're really just slashing this curse back Yuuji's way, trapping him there, keeping him there. However, you can't ignore that something really does feel off. It's definitely a curse, but it's body' fluid composition felt so... Human? It was unsettling.

As a Water Manipulator, you could feel fluid compositions. People are made up of at least 60% water. You can use them as your doll if you wish to do so, which is why you were feared among curse users in your own world. Cursed spirits are always made purely of cursed energy. And so far, you haven't come across a cursed spirit which power was based on water. 

Eventually, things take an unexpected turn soon enough. Nobara is getting pulled out of the barrier, for some reason. 

You're quick to follow, and soon enough the both of you are stood against the curse. 

Which was an odd thing. It seems to pretend to be a gentleman, spouting about how he'll let the two of you go considering your gender, leaving you both confused. 

And then it hops back. It looks ridiculous. Things get even more odd when Yuuji and the other curse jump in. Apparently the weird curse in front of you has something disgusting on its back. 

Things escalate. Nobara comments on the rotting smell that comes from him, and he grows angry, activating it's cursed technique. Soon enough, he's launching blood your way. 

You move out of the way- just in case, but you're pleased (yet also incredibly unsettled) to find out that it really is blood, even if it is poisonous. 

The curse angers visibly. 

" You should run, with your back to me! "

Nobara and Yuuji have no other choice, so they do. You keep your eyes on him, gathering the blood he's launching your way as you prepare to counter attack. 

" How about I rip your blood sculpted wings off instead? "

It doesn't like your words. Not at all. In fact, it launches so many attacks that even you have to pull back, throwing messy counter attacks as you jump backwards. It's laughing, while it manages to draw you back. It's incredibly quick, which makes it so hard to keep up. 

Nonetheless, you don't give up. 

Eventually, you manage to turn the tide. Suddenly, he's at your mercy, as you continue to summon his attack and make it your own. Unlike Blood Manipulation, you can't change the condense of blood, so you'll have to rely of the speed of it. You charge up the circle of it's blood that was already starting to pick up pace around you, and send it at him in one go. Like always, it creates a sword like effect, slashing through everything. The curse's eyes widen, and it has no choice but to jump back, all the way. 

Your attack had a bigger hit than expected, as a few trees fall to the side- you jump to avoid them. Oops. Regret fills your senses as you realize that the curse is dashing off on you. 

" Hey!- "

You're glaring. How dare he run off on you? You chase after it, however, it's much quicker than you. Your eyes widen as you catch up, your friends now both injured. 

" There's no need to worry. My younger brother's blood doesn't have the same quality as mine. And even mine won't kill you unless you would be drowned in it. Though it will hurt like hell. This is where our technique starts-"

He raises his pinky, and immediately black, tattoo like flowers run over your friends' wounds. Your eyes widen as concern overtakes your features. Shit- you're a healer first. You have to save them. For a moment, you panic in silence, not sure what to do, or what to say. Obviously, this isn't the time and moment to heal them. 

Meanwhile, the curse is breaking down how his technique works. The consequences are pretty clear, once either him (should we even refer to it as him?) Or his brother activate the technique, they only have about 15 minutes to live. 

Your eyes harden as you realize what you three have to do. Healing comes later. You've never come across a technique which effect was like poison. You don't know if you'd be able to stop his technique while it's working. It's better to have them release their technique altogether and heal them properly after that. 

Yuuji and Nobara seem to think the same thing. 

" Would you like me to end you right away? "

The curse was too bold with it's actions. 

" A technique that grants victory once it hits... That makes you strong. Too bad for you though, that makes me the worst match for you! "

Nobara is bolder. She's confident, yet somehow not arrogant. You watch in amazement as she plunges one of her nails in her arm, activating her straw doll technique. 

In response, both of their body's blood flow changes into one of stress. You stop all together. What are those things? They can't be curses. They simply can't be. Their body is made of blood. They're alive. You wouldn't be able to exorcise them, because it would be killing.

You're distressed now, unable to move. Can you even kill? You've never deemed yourself a good person, nor a bad person. You're not the type to forgive easy, or at all in most cases. You hold grudges a lot. You're not a bad person either. You're not fond of bullying, or picking on people. You're just,, you. You're not a killer though. Something was going on in this universe which was not natural, even for Jujutsu. Spirits that have taken bodies... These bodies could've been living an actual life before they were taken... You can't do this. You can't kill them. 

Meanwhile, the actual fight takes place. Yuuji is the first to throw a punch. First at the blue curse, before he switches with Nobara. 

You finally seem to snap out of it when-

" You bitch! "

Like we've mentioned before, you're not a good person.

" Who the fuck do you think you are to call my best friend a bitch?! "

You're launching yourself at the curse as well, joining your friends yet again. It's blue brother whines out desperately, but you force yourself to ignore it. 

His brother seems to release their cursed technique, and Yuuji now gets into physical combat with him, throwing punch after punch after punch. The curse is quick to react, enabling his stupid technique, Wing King once again, launching strikes of blood Yuuji's way. You're quick to intervene, summoning it's blood your way as you create the circle you're so fond of, charging up for your counter attack. Yuuji doesn't rest either, following your opening as both him and Nobara simultaneously manage to land a black flash on both of them. 

Your eyes widen in amazement. So far, you've never managed to do so before. The blue spirit barely survives, and your expression saddens as Nobara activates her hair pin technique, ultimately resulting in killing the curse. 

" Kechizu.. " 

It's the other curse. You feel guilty. He did refer to him as brother, after all. 

" I'm sorry brother, I couldn't protect him... "

Nobara's eyes widen, staring at the curse. 

She must've not known either. You realize. 

Out of nowhere, a truck suddenly comes from the tunnel. Everyone jumps out of the way in time. You lose focus, the curse's blood falling to the floor below you, it's poisonous effect evident as it burns into the ground. 

The curse is quicker to react, jumping on the back of the truck and keeping one of the two people in it hostage. Nonetheless, Yuuji chases after it. With result too, as Nobara releases her straw doll technique on it's brother, dead on injuring the curse, who falls right into Yuuji's clutches. 

Yuuji kills him. 

He doesn't look happy to do so. 

Afterwards, the three of you are heading back, towards Megumi. You're lost in thought about the events that just occurred, having forgotten about their injuries in favor of mental injuries you have no doubt created for others. 

Those two curses called each other brothers. It made you wonder if there was another one perhaps, maybe a whole family. Yuuji's voice cuts through your train of thought, reminding you where you are. 

" Kugisaki, are you okay? " 

" Oh, yeah. Though this might leave a scar. I wonder if those guys are okay, considering their truck just went speeding off. About the poison, I wonder if Shoko will be up this late. And if she will be sober- What are you fidgety for? It's creepy. "

She's asking Yuuji the question. Meanwhile you press a gentle hand to her uninjured arm. 

" I can fix that, actually. If that's okay. " 

Nobara nods, and you get to work. You first manipulate the poison out, managing to tell it apart from her own blood with surprising ease. After that, you uncap one of your water skins, manipulating the water around your hand as you press the cold substance to her arm's injury. First, she cringes at the cold, but then she grows more comfortable as a comforting feeling settles in her skin. The water you're using to heal glows, and her arm feels all warm and comfortable. 

Meanwhile, the two had continued talking. 

" Wasn't this the first time you killed something instead of exorcising it? " 

Your eyes widen, your focus momentarily quivering. He's done this before? Does he know what they are?

" Yeah, what about you? "

" I have, once... No that's not correct. It was three people. "

" You seem to be doing way worse than me. To put it blunt, I don't care. As a sorcerer, you tend to run into these things. I'm no Fushiguro, but ultimately, there's only so many people we can save. " 

Her words are cold, but real. Meanwhile you finish up your work, her skin smooth and healed once again, like it never happened. She continues to explain why she feels like that, and you somewhat do understand. You wouldn't have won if all of you had refused to kill it like you did, especially with a technique that strong. 

" Woah, your healing is indeed impressive, Y/N.- How do you feel about killing? "

Her blunt words make you cringe as you continue to walk. 

" Uncomfortable, to be honest. I'm not sure if I can kill one if the situation would ever demand it of me to be honest. They were crying for one another. I never had to fight something that understood emotions before. " 

Yuuji nods in agreement. 

" I feel the same. I'm happy we survived, but still, tears were shed over the lives we ended tonight. "

For a moment, a silence settles over the three of you. 

" Then I guess that makes us accomplices. "

Nobara points out, causing you to cringe yet again, the weight of the word uncomfortable. 

Thankfully, a moment later, the three of you come across Fushiguro... Who is passed out, beside the river. 

" Fushiguro! "

" Megumi! "

All three of you call out in worry. You drop down to your knees beside him as he stirs, uncapping your water skin yet again in preparation, eyes scanning over him for injuries. 

Megumi grumbles as he opens his eyes. 

" Oh, you guys are back. Glad you're all safe. "

" W-We were so scared, we thought you were dead! Thank goodness! " 

Both Yuuji and Nobara are in the back, holding hands as they express their fears to their dear friend. 

Meanwhile, you focus on his health. 

" Are you okay? Or injured? "

" Could you two at least keep it down? I'm okay, Y/N, but my head hurts. "

You pout at his stubbornness. 

" Where? " 

You're already summoning water around both of your hands, ready to help. 

Megumi opens his mouth to say something, probably to tell you off with nonsense, when you notice the big red stain on the back of his head. You purse your lips, scolding him softly. He leans into your touch, a new comforting feeling spreading through his skull. 

" No wonder your head hurt. " 

" Don't go to sleep with a Sukuna's finger in your hand. That's dangerous. "

Nobara's words draw your attention. You glance at Megumi's hands, noticing that he is indeed holding a disgusting looking long nailed red finger-

" That's a-? You swallow that thing whole? Like nail and all? "

" Pretty much. Should I eat it? "

" It's not like left overs, you know? "

" We're not sure how many fingers you can handle. So don't eat it. You look the least worn down though, so take it. I'll tell you again though, don't eat it. "

Yuuji huffs, probably annoyed by Megumi's way of addressing him currently, as he approaching. However, surprise takes over your features as a mouth appears on Yuuji's hand and fucking swallows it. Ew. 

You watch in disgust which turns into amazement as you notice familiar marks appearing on his skin for a moment. Your heart skips a beat at the reminder of your best friend, who is so far away.

Silently, you wonder how he's doing. 

-

[ Parallel Jujutsu Kaisen Universe ]

" You should really stop staring at your bracelet like that, it's getting a bit depressing to watch. "

" You wear a blindfold, do you even see anything? "

Gojo hums, sitting down on the floor beside his student, on the stairway leading up towards the mountains. He knows this spot all too well. Y/N and Sukuna would sit here often. Something about liking the view. Gojo doesn't really get it. It's just trees and buildings. He doubts Sukuna gets it either.

" I have the six eyes, remember? "

All he gets in response is an annoyed sigh from the teenager. Sukuna didn't get along well with people older than him. He lacked respect, in multiple ways. His parents were more fond of his twin, simply because he was more outgoing, naturally nicer. People didn't typically get along with the boy at all. Something about him being too intimidating, too rude, too disrespectful. The tattoos on his face were a stark reminder that he doesn't really care. Somehow, he did manage to be close friends with you though. Gojo will never understand how. The two of you were pretty much complete opposites, yet you balanced each other out just fine.

The six eyes never told him, but he didn't need any ability to see the bond he shared with you. It was unique, deep. It reminded him painfully of him and Suguru. Sukuna doesn't view you like the sacred healer you are. He sees you just as you, just like how Suguru used to view Satoru as himself. 

Gojo sighs softly, his easy going smile leaving his face, making room for more serious conversation. 

" I know losing your best friend is hard. But you have to-"

" She's not dead. "

Gojo sighs, having expected that response. He wouldn't believe anyone who told him his best friend would be dead when she had literally disappeared out of nowhere. 

" Sukuna-"

" She's not. I'm 100% sure. Something isn't adding up. "

" She could have fallen in the river, -"

" No, look. "

Gojo glances at his student's phone, noting the messages. 

Mine 

Where are u? 

This isn't funny

I made gyoza without you while using your secret recipe

Gojo can't help but grin, noting the oddness of the messages. 

" Even when gone you can't be nice? "

" That's not what I'm talking about. "

[ The number you're trying to reach is not in use ]

Gojo's brows furrow behind his blindfold. That indeed is very odd. 

" Besides, did you just hear yourself? Y/N losing when around a river? "

" You never know, if she was knocked out she could've been drowning-"

" She's not dead. "

Gojo's eyes glance at Sukuna's bracelets below his blindfold, the water in it limp, ordinary. He didn't understand exactly how it worked, but somehow it always drew Sukuna to you whenever he needed to find you, no matter where you were. It would flow, like a river leading him towards the sea. The only reason for it to stop working would be if you were dead, or really that far away, but where would you be. 

Sukuna sighs, getting up as he glares at his sensei. He looks like he's about to say something, but then he scoffs, turning away, walking off. 

Gojo figures that Sukuna is really just unaccepting of your death. If the boy had cursed energy, he'd tell him to get a hold of his emotions before he'd accidentally place a curse on you, though he doesn't have any, so you should be fine. 

However, even Gojo has to admit that his most irrational student has a point. Perhaps he should look deeper into it indeed. 

The Anomaly Taglist:

@luxylucylou @kalulakunundrum @strxbxrrylover @aethersslave

[gomzdrawfr]

Now that mw3 is released…bear with me here as I word vomit im so sleep deprived high and sick dksjdjsjsh anyways

I wanna do another comic, idk what but definitely another angsty one, with Ghoap of course (dont expect em so soon lmao it’s going into my wip)

Its just sad to me, I had this convo with a friend of mine and he mentioned how

“Every happy art about them will never be the same anymore”

Because as much as we WOULD ignore cannon, it’s there, one way or another you have to acknowledge it

Every happy art wont be the same anymore because they never got that happiness and peace in the end

And cHRIST does that rip my heart out into million pieces…

Im thinking of drawing the aftermath, more specifically Ghost…..

From the cutscene we see Soap’s stuff….and Id imagine Ghost takes them…maybe not all but some of them

The photo, the watches, the gloves….

The dog tags.

Which is what im planning to do.

Ghost who wears the dog tag or keep it close to his heart in his chest pocket, the rattling and the bump of the metal that moves with him serves as a reminder that Soap—

Johnny is with him.

And id imagine that before any mission, in the short moment of calm, he’ll pat his pocket or take out the dog tag, rubbing his hand over the cold metal, murmuring a small:

“You with me, Johnny?”

And let’s talk about grieve right? There’s an amazing poem I found, here’s what it says

“Sometimes we dont want to heal because the pain is the last link to what we lost”

— JmStorm

And i think that fits perfectly with Ghost.

People say that it’ll pass, it’ll get better but what if Ghost doesnt want it to get better?

What if he wants to hold onto the “what ifs” and “what could’ve been”

What if he never moved on from that and wakes up a night haunted by the blues of Johnny’s eyes

What if he never want to move on and remained there on the concrete floor….

Because he fears that moving on and acceptance will only increase the chances of forgetting someone entirely

Sooner or later, he’ll forget about his voice….his smell….his smiles his eyes his arms his face

And that thought alone scares him, and so he rekindles back with what he knows best

Anger, sadness and pain

Thriving off the anger and going on a rampage, with disregard of his own safety and being reckless

Thriving off the sadness to remember the last sound he heard from Soap…which was faint and distance, but there nonetheless

Thriving off the pain to fuel his reasons for what he became, for what he could’ve done as he drowns in agony and regret

But i think…..in some moments, where the night is quiet and when the bed’s warm….

He’ll think about the good moments and the banters between them, he has carried their memory as if they’re in a gold locket

On days like this, he’ll bring them out and hold them gently

Cradle with such care that his hands shakes, that his face dampens

No matter how bad it was, there is always Simon who loved Johnny

Yeah…..fuck im sobbing skdjsijsjsha OKAY I’LL STOP—

[blk-worth]

Voice audio: @partyof1pod on tiktok

This is basically a video dump and a face revel in one, Also an introduction into who I am and what I love to do and I decided to post on Tumblr because this app, in my opinion is just a breath of fresh air! Been on this app for idk how many years and I'm still obsessed

Zodiac: Pisces (I find that important...yes i'm one of those people)

Confession: (I'm going to be SO honest, I'm shocked that I'm doing this right now. Like actually posting and taking that leap of faith, and yeah this may be a small thing but small steps are still steps in my eyes, because with those small steps you're still getting somewhere, and me doing this is just motivation for myself to keep going and to look at the bigger picture)

What I love: Filmmaking (maybe its the Maladaptive daydreamer in me but for as long as I can remember I loved making up movies and Tv show storylines in my head and quickly jotting them down on a piece of paper or in my phone. Going to the movies has always been my go-to Especially if it's black or women focused DEFINITELY if it's black women focused because HELLOOO inspiring as heck. But yeah filmmaking is a HUGE goal of mine and I’m more than determined to make it a reality for me and learn along the way because you never know enough and constantly learning just shows how much you want to

What's holding me back?: The big F word (Yes fear. The other four letter word that scare people away but me doing this? posting this quick 30 second sum video? I feel like I'm thriving right now! I swear its the little things

But yes that's me rambling about everything and nothing at all at the same time but nonetheless, I'm proud of myself and this is the start of something beautiful and inspiring

[youn9racha]

can you do dilf tropes for skz? (each member has a dilf trope kinda thing) 🙏🏼

Ella’s Thoughts #14 (??) (requested)

hmm i’m not sure about that one, but i’ll give it a try. also i assume you mean it in a wholesome way, so i practically made it as them as dads 💀💀💀 i hope its not a problem.

Headcanons: Stray Kids as dilfs/dads

Chan

Unpopular opinion: i see chan being more of a stepdad dilf rather than a biological dilf (no i do not mean it like that, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER !!) he strikes me as the type to not want children but he would love to take care of them nonetheless. like a non-dilf dilf type of guy (like he is rn lmfao.) he does not by any means hates children, he would love to have kids with you if you both want to. he just feels having a kids is too much, and its enough that he serves as a father figure to not only seven boys, but also to some stays, i think he would better off taking care of the boys’ kids or your kids of a previous relationship rather than having actual ones.

BUT if he were to have kids, its not any different from the way he treats his members. i mean there‘s an obvious difference, but he would still be that goofy, caring yet slightly strict father who constantly looks after his kids, especially if his kid is a girl, but it wouldn’t be any different if his kid was a boy as well.

oh and he’s a silver fox dilf like i’ve mentioned in the past :)

Minho

I mean ain’t he technically a dilf (along with chan) ???? mans already has three cats, ain’t that enough ??? no jk, minho’s the type of dilf who’s very chill and nonchalant about the way he’s handling his child. Like he strikes me as the type of dad dilf who would ignore his child’s cry for attention, but obviously it would be a totally different story if his kid, lets say, gets injured, there he would be this comforting dad who would both tend his child’s wound and also try to make them smile by making goofy sounds and faces.

I can also see him enabling his child’s chaotic antics. as long as no one’s hurt or crying, he’s not stopping them.

all in all; Minho’s a 3 c’s dilf; chill, chaotic yet cherishing.

Changbin

Oh boy is this man’s a child. i think he’d be more like Minho, but has a little bit of Chan element to it. He has the tendency to be very childish and he allows himself to be kid-like with his kids, however he does happen to discipline his kid when his kid has done something wrong. He still however acts all goofy and he sometimes makes baby faces and noises to his kid in order to make them laugh when they’re younger, or endearingly embarrass them when they get older

He‘s definitely more freeing than Chan, but he’s less lenient than Minho when it comes to parenting, however he’s a baby dilf, so be it.

Hyunjin

Again, this man’s already a father of a dog, kami, so he’s a technically dilf as well. He’s the type of dilf who’s very stylish and attractive to anyone of all age demographics, and he knows it. He would also SPOIL THE SHIT out of his child. he may also match his child with his outfit. like if i’m wearing burberry, my child’s wearing burberry.

All in all, Hyunjin’s a stylish rich daddy >:)

Jisung

How can someone gives off teen dad vibes despite being in his twenties and does not even have a pet, let alone a child? for some reason, jisung gives off that vibes. Don’t get me wrong, he’d definitely be affectionate and caring, but you can’t tell me that this man isn’r the most unprepared and anxious dad ever. Like every new parent, he does feel scared to carry a baby, in fear of dropping it, but his child would be 18 years old and he’d still be anxious as fuck.

All in all, he’s a caring and kind dilf but this man is a nervous wreck, he’s a cause for disaster most time. But he is cute, so he can get a pass lmffaooo.

Felix

ngl i’ll probably cry writing this…. cry of laughter, because gOD IS HE MORE EMBARRASSING THAN JISUNG !!! idk whats my vendetta against felix, but on god i love this kid so much. YES KID, because you going take care of two kids rather than one, you’re a single parent, i’m sorry.

in all seriousness, he’s a child parent, and he often is seen silding down the slide with his child in his lap. He constantly makes that baby voice he makes at times. He’s also the perfect guy to read his kid a bed time story, and he would also have a bake day with his child as well <3333 nahh he’d be an adorable ass dilf no joke.

Seungmin

this man… he is a savage in itself, and you think his kid, the literally creature that came out of his testes, would get a special treatment? think again, because he would absolutely drag his child through the mud. i obviously don’t think this man would do anything to hurt his child, emotionally or physically. think of it as a father-child banter between them. bonus if his child happens to have the same personality as him.

he does get all intimidating when mad, which envokes fear onto anyone close to him, however i still do think he’d be a fine ass dilf…. he just needs to shut his smart ass up before i beat him and his child u—

Jeongin

He’s giving felix and jisung here as well. clueless, scared, and anxious. mans a baby, why the fuck would you give him a child? he’d hold the child with his eyes wide open and be like “…. wait thats mine?! help me!” in a panicking voice making him and the baby cry.

he would be the type of dad who would let his child off the hook most of the times. he gives off “my child isn’t wrong, you are” vibes highkey. He also is the type of dad who would yell at his child for not cheating at an online class. what i’m saying is he’s a weird dilf thats all im saying lmfao

oh you disagree ? THATS TOO BAD I DON’T CARE !!! //j

[dreams-of-yunho]

o, swear not by the moon

yunho x princess reader

rating: m

genre: smut with a dash of angst

wc: 2.7k

warnings: sex !!!!!!! just kinda sex stuff idk

summary: you fell in love with the enemy and he breaks your heart

:( but in a sexc way

______________________________________________________________

O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, who monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

If the days were forgiving, you did not know. If there was love in this life, you could not feel it.

But, the day you met him, among the tulips, everything seemed to shine more brilliantly. Everything felt more warm.

~

Water coated your feet as you glided through the rain soaked grass, returning to your promised place. Dense mist hung in the cool night air. Drops of water hit your face as you slid through the leaf covered branches which concealed the forest alcove.

You had met him during the vibrant summer months, when the forest was at its fullest. When the leaves were green, bright moss clung to the sides of trees, shade living flowers thrived. But now, an eastern wind ran over your skin and the leaves turned brown and fell to a cold ground.

Blush coloured silk brushed across your goosebump covered skin as the breeze caught the hem of your dress. Lily Pads and their flowers shifted across the pond’s surface. This place, once a great temple, had been built by the ancient elders of your empire for the forest deities. And, as the old gods were lost to time and the first age passed, the once glorious house of worship became a forgotten forest alcove; a great willow tree grew, tall and proud, from the ruins of the marble temple. A murky pond who’s bottom seemed limitless and was concealed by delicate flowers, swayed around the stone foundation. Honeysuckle vines climbed towards the forest canopy across the decaying and crumbling pillars.

War had drained your spirits and left you cold and alone. You could barely remember the days before, when you were so young and ignorant. How the palace was alive with music, parties, and love. How your father and mother would kiss you goodnight and bid you farewell to the realm of dreams. Then, one day you woke and they were gone; that warmth drained.

The warrior princess, your mother was heir to the throne of the empire and, in a scandalous affair, married her younger brother’s best friend and general of the eastern army. They both died in battle, their bodies never returned to the royal capital for burial.

With the war came the clouds; heavy and gray. The sun seemed to disappear, die. So did the spirits of your people. Food became scarce, fathers and brothers were sent to war, and the raging fire of hope doused in an ocean of fear.

After years of brutal and unforgiving warfare, a caravan rode into the capital. Believing they had thoroughly gutted and drained your empire of all it was worth, the enemy came to commence talks of peace.

The son of the chief diplomat-- he came with his father to the palace and, now, sat at the edge of the half submerged temple stairs, kicking his feet in the chilly water.

“Yunho,” you called, the pond standing between you and him.

He glanced up and smiled, waving a beckoning arm.

He had been at the palace for nearly three months now though, you’ve only known him for one. He came from an empire in the south where the sun knew no night and, even in the white light of the moon, his skin glowed golden. Long nights you spent under the star scattered sky as he told you of his coastal home; blue waters and warm winters. How you longed to sink your feet into the white sand of his palace beaches, to feel the sun on your skin again.

Though, as you came to sit next to him on the cold, stone stairs, felt the warmth he generated, the golden light he seemed to produce-- you realized that you didn’t miss the sun as much as you used to.

“I have news from the negotiations,” his voice echoed through the ruins. “This foul war is over; there will be peace again.”

These words could not be true. With the joyful memories of your childhood not even shadows in your mind; a waring state was all you knew.

He seemed to sense your reluctance to believe as he said, “it is true, my love. Our armies have been told to stand down and will be pulled from their posts come next week. It’s all over.” Warmth spread over your cheek as his hand met your face, a gentle smile across his red-wine lips.

“This is glorious news,” you cheered, mind lost in a cloudy excitement. Yet, his words seemed to pull you down to earth; all over. “Yunho,” you raised your head to meet his deep brown eyes, and you couldn’t help but see sorrow in them. “What’s wrong? This is a time of celebration but you seem to mourn.”

He removed the hand from your cheek and returned it to his lap. “I ride south with my father at first light. There is news that my sister has given birth to a boy and, with his work here done, father does not wish to wait any longer to hold his first grandchild.”

“No,” was all you could manage to speak.

He wasn’t supposed to leave; he was your life. Without him, you would sink into the darkness again.

“N-no,” you didn’t know what to do, how to act. Your hands began to shake, acting upon their own volition. Your shoulders followed. Suddenly, you couldn’t breath; the weight of the world crashing down upon your lungs.

“y/n,” Yunho reached for your hands, eyes widened in concern.

But you began to wheeze harder as his warmth spread throughout your body. What would you do without him? What would you become?

Your world shifted as he pulled you into his arms, your head falling against his shoulder. “I’m here,” he spoke into your neck. “I’m here.”

Crisp air filled your lungs again as you became limp in his arms and your mind swam in his words. He was here now, you thought. These were his arms which held you and his lips which spoke and soothed.

Your fingers reached for the lips you’ve loved before, thumb brushing against the plush curves as he comforted you. The fall of his nose, arch of his brow, sweep of his eyelashes, angle of his cheekbones; sharp yet beautiful features, a face you could never forget-- the face of your soulmate.

“Will you forget me?” your arms wrapped around his neck to bring you face-to-face with him.

“We won’t be apart long enough for a single strand of your precious hair to disappear from my memory.” His breath danced across your jaw. “As the moon joins us each night,” sweet whispers fell from his lips and fell to the shell of your ear. “I will return for you. I promise you, my love.”

“Kiss me,” you told him. “Love me while you’re still here.”

Tears began to well in the corners of your eyes as he looked at you, unmoving, just staring. “If I love you now,” he said softly. “It will hurt more while we’re apart.”

“I want to remember the feeling of your lips on mine; your gentle touch.” You held his face in your sorrowful, needy hands. “Please, Yunho.”

“I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have.”

“Yunho,” you swiped a thumb across the apple of his cheek. “You could never hurt me. I love you -- now and forever.”

His forehead met yours as his eyes dropped and he released a shaky breath. “Now and forever,” he repeated, lips moving to meet yours.

His hands fell to your hips as your lips moved against his. Your hands running through his dusty brown hair as he gently sucked on your bottom lip. You grabbed his hand and brought it to the intersection of your neck and shoulders, wanting to feel his warmth on your bare skin.

Lips separated with a quiet smack and he began to press gentle kisses to your cheeks, nose, and the corners of your eyes. Slowly, his lips traveled down to where his hand rested on your skin, causing hushed whispers to leave your mouth. “C-can,” he pulled his lips away from your soft skin. “Can you kneel back?” He asked, running his hands across your curves with great desperation.

Your hands dropped from his hair to his shoulders as you raised yourself to rest on your knees. Wide eyes stared up at you as he sat, a hand reaching up to move your hair back. His hand rested on your cheek and you nuzzled into the warmth. The other ran behind you, tugging at the laces of your dress.

Shivers ran over your skin as the silk of your dress pooled around your legs leaving you in nothing but a thin slip. You kneeled before him as he stood, a finger tracing over your jaw. “Come here,” he called, hand leaving your face to extend the invitation.

You stood and immediately collapsed into his arms. “I love you,” he cooed. Soft hands grazed your shoulders as he slid the straps of your slip and dropped them down your arms. His tongue ran over his top lip as he looked down at your exposed flesh. A shaky hand reached out to touch you but pulled back slowly.

“What’s wrong, Yunho?” You asked worriedly. Did he not like what he saw? Were you not his type? Were you not like the other girls he’d been with? Not pretty enough?

“Nothing,” he sighed and smiled down at you, a hand finally caressing your goosebump covered frame. “You’re just so pretty; I-i don’t deserve you.” He pressed his lips against your forehead.

But he did deserve you. He deserved you and more.

“Take your clothes off, Yunho.”

His head flew up having not expected such an order from you. But, nonetheless he obliged. Nimble fingers worked the ties of his coat and buttons of his shirt. As the last piece of clothing hit the stony ground, you took a step towards him, your palm coming to rest on his toned torso. “You deserve the world and more,” you said, slightly more shaky than you had anticipated.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you impossibly close. “You’re perfect, y/n.”

You sighed at his words.

Wet lips suddenly met the side of your neck, sucking until a dark purple mark appeared. His tongue ran down the valley between your breasts causing you to gasp. Air left your chest again as he swept you off your feet, laying you gently on your discarded gown.

“So perfect,” he barely whispered, staring down at you.

His gaze was painfully intense. You couldn’t stand it. It was like he was looking at a meal.

“Yunho,” you whined. “Please, don’t look at me like that.”

“You’re just so beautiful.” His knees landed in between your parted legs, preventing you from closing them as you would instinctually.

Slowly, he lowered himself onto you, his lips dancing with yours. An elbow supported him as he entangled another in your soft hair.

An aroma of rose petals surrounded you, as if he bathed in rose water. Roses were a rare and exotic flower which weren’t native to your empire. You would miss it. The scent of roses having become a constant in your life.

The kiss deepened and your hands grabbed at his broad shoulders. His tongue entered your mouth, brushing against your front teeth.

Reluctantly, you pushed him away, desperate for air. But, he didn’t stop kissing your body, his lips sucking softly on your neck. Your hands ran up his neck into his hair and his sweet lips returned to yours.

Tenderly, a hand ran down your side and to the inside of your thighs. Your heart raced as no one had ever placed a hand there before.

“It’s okay, my princess,” his lips fell to your collar bones. “I’ll make you feel good.”

Warm fingers traced the lips of your pussy, becoming slick with your wetness. Softly, they came to press against your clit and you shifted your hips, having never felt something like this before.

“Relax,” he cooed, his hand parting to encouragingly rub your hip.

You nodded, signaling for him to continue and he returned to gently rubbing at your nub. The warm feeling coming from his fingers quickly turned into a flaming heat. Deep in your lower stomach, something began to stir.

“I,” you didn’t know what to say, the feeling totally foreign.

“Relax, love,” he repeated, his fingers quickening.

The feeling in your stomach grew tenfold; a tight, knot like feeling.

Then it snapped.

Tears streamed down your cheeks and glued your hair to your neck. It all came crashing down on you at once and you sobbed as you came. He was going to leave you. The scent of roses would disappear. His warmth would fade. He wouldn't make you feel like this again; like you were swimming in the pools of heaven--bliss.

“Y/n,” his hands left your body and flew to your face. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

“No,” you tried to steady for breath as you came down from your orgasm and grief. “I just love you so much.”

His eyes melted from worry to tenderness. “I love you more than you could ever know.” His lips pressed gently on yours.

You matched the slow and passionate pace of his lips as you caressed his neck and shoulders. You shifted and your thigh brushed against the angry tip of his dick, causing him to moan into the kiss.

He broke the kiss to press his forehead against yours. “Can I make love to you?” He asked, his breath shaky, desperate, and, almost, pained.

“Yes,” you moaned, feeling something brush against your swollen clit.

“Ack,” you watched him wince as he grabbed his cock in his hand, pumping it quickly. His face contorted in pleasure so beautifully; you wondered if you looked like that when he touched you.

“This will sting a little,” you felt his tip at your hole. “But it will feel so good.”

He watched your face as his tip entered you. And, it didn’t hurt you at all, so he pushed further in. He was immense, stretching your tight walls impossibly.

You tightly clenched your jaw, feeling like you were being torn in half.

“It’s okay, y/n, my love,” he brushed your hair lovingly. “It’ll feel better when I move.”

“Move,” you choked out, your body incredibly tense.

He pulled his hips back and pushed back in slowly. He repeated, rocking his hips back and forth until the burning turned into pleasure.

“That’s it, princess,” his pace quickened as your walls clenched around him. “You're so beautiful, princess.”

He started to push deeper into you, his hips meeting yours with wet smacks. Your hands desperately gripped his shoulders in need of stability.

It was rapid, the growing of the lustful knot in your stomach. All you could do was moan out as he thrusted into you.

His mouth enclosed yours in a breathy kiss as he felt his own release approaching, the thrusts becoming faster and increasingly deep. Your orgasm threatened to slam into you as his tip grazed a deep spot, causing you to see stars.

“You feel amazing,” he breathed.

The praise encouraged you, your hips coming to meet his, pushing him impossibly deep.

“Y-yunho,” you continued to moan out his name like a credo.

“Come with me,” he kissed up your neck. “Come for me, princess.”

Your second orgasm was even more wonderful than the first, crashing down upon you like a waterfall. Your nails dug into his muscular shoulders, legs trembling around him.

The feeling of his cum painting your walls was like a third orgasm. His warmth completely filling you to the brim.

“I love you, y/n,” Yunho peppered your face with light kisses as he pulled out of you. “Now and forever.”

~

The sun shone above your free nation, beating down upon you, kissing your skin red as you stood in the field of tulips but, you couldn’t feel it. You were cold, frozen, alone.

Do not swear at all.

[9tzuyu]

dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

[c-grace]

Since there are loads of [unnecessary] opinions on how Aloy looks, which I, frankly have nothing to complain about. I still believe she is very beautiful and her looks makes sense, not to mention the original model is stunning.

So lemme just take some time to write out this scenario I thought of that I found very cute and emotional, idk 'bout everyone else but it did make me cry when I thought of it.

_______________________________________

POV: You and Aloy are both outsiders, but you were cast out from being a "defect", the both of you only got to know each other during the last few years before the proving.

A little something I wanna mention, this is sorta a Y/N fanfic but without the Y/N, so wherever you feel like you need to add your name in the dialogue, you can do that but I did it so that there would be no need for the name. I hope you enjoy~

T.W: Slight mention of death and injury.

Aloy × F.reader/G.N

Also this has song lyrics in here, if that's not to your taste, I'm sorry but I couldn't think of anything else

__________________________________

"Oh! I found something!"

"What? What did you find?"

"Tada! Another audio file!"

I lifted the device and showed it to Aloy and waved it with satisfaction. "And here I thought you found something useful." Aloy grumbled.

"It's important to me, you know how I love to study the old ones' musical pieces, especially the singing, they all sound.....I don't even have words to describe them." I held tightly onto the device. Using Aloy's focus I scanned the device and played the audio, and without a doubt, it was a musical piece.

"You sure love music, huh?" Aloy smiled and eyed me for a moment, "Yes, all the pieces from the metal world have a certain, essence to them, it feels like it's calling out to me." But that joy was cut short once I remembered of the proving.

"But then, with the proving coming along, the matriarchs might not let me visit any ruins and I won't be able to study them anymore." I huffed and kicked a rock away.

"Who cares? I'll take you to see more of the ruins, they didn't care for us for so long. What is it to them that we see who the old ones really were?" Aloy never understood, nor took high regard to any of the tribal laws and I do agree with her but I have no one other than her to accompany me to explore all these new wonders.

I believe Aloy can do whatever it is that she wants, no one, not even the matriarchs will be able to stop her from going to where she wishes to go. I only have her and if she were to be cast out once again just because of me, I don't think I would like that all that much.

"Thank you Aloy, oh that reminds me, I learned this song, I want you to hear it."

"Can't wait to hear it then. I can't believe it's tomorrow, how are you taking to it?" She looked at me worried and I could get where it was coming from. I get anxious quite often, taking down a watcher, without any preparation, will make me sick to the stomach. "Yeah, I've given myself a 'pep-talk and I think it's working, I don't feel too worried about it now."

"Thats good, alright, I think it's time we leave, Rost said he needs to meet with me." She stretched her hand over to me and I held on firmly, it was calloused yet warm, I felt safe by her side.

The both of us went on our ways and I made it back to the little tent that I called my study and home, I have journaled all the music I have found and dated every one of them. So far, I have recorded 12, 5 of which were addressed to someone else, it was as though they had sung while they mourned for them, wishing they could be with them and the rest were of random order but interesting nonetheless.

I set the recordings aside and tried to make myself fall asleep, the proving was not too far from now. I didn't train my whole life for it but rather, I just wanted to belong somewhere. Aloy is.....different, to her, the tribe means nothing but a means to know more of the world, she said it herself, she wishes to know why she was cast out and never once thought of the tribe in good light.

I had no sense of conflict in me, unlike Aloy, I liked to keep to myself and I ran away at the sight of the tribe members because I was afraid. I was afraid of how they would treat me but that sense of fear became a threat to me.

I learnt how to live on my own, I knew why it was that I was an outcast. My parents didn't want me, said that I would often act strange and I never understood why, till one day the matriarchs marked me an outcast and left me on my own. It was a little over 3 or 4 years ago, where I met Aloy, we grew close.

I never told Aloy, why I was cast away, I didn't want her to be burdened. I kept to myself but this time, with these songs I wanna let her know, all these withheld emotions are making me feel like I could rot from the inside. I am in a way excited for the proving.

_______________________________________

"Aloy! Watch out!"

'I didn't think it would come to this, no, please, stop this.'

"Stay where you are, I'll come to you, alright?!" She shouted but the sound of blasts had muffled all the sound around me. The proving was going well, with Aloy and I being named braves but the celebration was cut short when all of a sudden, intruders had marched in and openly attacked everyone on sight.

"Kill all of them, don't let anyone of them come out alive!" The invaders sounded.

I frantically grabbed my arrows and shot at a few of them, two had missed and the rest 4 had all landed a hit, killing them on contact.

"We can't hold them!"

Aloy had been covering for all the braves and took a stand at holding them down, I decided to let myself all out and help Aloy and guided the remaining to the exit but not many made it.

"I'll hold them down, go! Make it to the slip-wire! Vala! You go too, I'll cover!" I directed all of them, Vala looked reluctant but went on ahead. "There's more of them!" I heard Bast shout and I whipped my head and shot my arrows, this time, all of them landed.

Vala and Bast had got caught between the shots, I watched their bodies hit the floor and a look of dread had washed over Aloy but I could feel the anger that brewed within. She shot them down, all of them.

But it wasn't long before a man had grabbed her by the neck, and something in me snapped, all I saw was that Aloy was in danger. My body moved on its own and I had grabbed my dagger and drove it into the man's side, he screamed but he lifted his arm and thrust it to my gut, sending me straight to the ground.

Before I had lost my senses, I caught a glance at Aloy who had laid on the ground, at least, no longer choked by that man.

_________________________________________

"A-Aloy! You're awake! You're awake...Aloy..." It hadn't been too long since the attack but my injuries are far from okay but at that moment, all that mattered to me now was Aloy. She awoke but her face was pale and her breath, uneasy.

"No, no, no......ugh, I—I have to get out of here..." She clutched on to the side of her head. "Aloy, I'll gather your armour and Focus, just wait here, I'll co—"

She grabbed onto my hand locked her fingers around mine, her hands were shivering. "Aloy?"

"You're alive, I...I thought I lost you..too...." She whimpered, I crouched down and held on to her hands softly, "You can't take me out that easy." Slowly caressing the side of her face, I smiled meekly.

"Rost...he saved me...but."

"He didn't make it Aloy. I don't know what happened either, you'll have to talk to Teersa."

"Where are we?" Her feeble voice asked, "We're inside the sacred mountain, I'm not sure why, I was nursed outside the mountain, they didn't say much when I asked if I could see you." She nodded and slouched down. I went on ahead and brought in her focus, there was another focus with it but I just handed them all to her without questions.

I quietly left the mountains and waited outside for Aloy. It took a while but she came out with Teersa.

The two walked to the rest of the matriarchs, they were talking amongst themselves and it was then I heard that Aloy had been bestowed the mark of a seeker, Lansra did not take to highly of this decision and made some unwanted remarks to Aloy.

I glared at her, hoping that it would do something but she huffed and grunted, walking on just fine.

The rain had poured on harder with time, it felt like it was meant to weep but was choking instead, an odd feeling but that was how I had felt.

"Aloy, of the Nora? Or would you rather prefer, Aloy, a seeker from the Nora?" I tried to put a little lightness to the heavy air around. "I don't think I like either of them." She made a face at my names.

"Alright, then....Aha! Aloy.....despite the Nora?"

"That sounds better." She smiles wide. "Listen...I need to go, I need to find out who those killers were and why they came here, which means that I need to leave the sacred lands." Her smile drops and she looks at me apologetically.

"No no, you have more to worry about than me, it's alright, I can hold my own." I reassured her but her look of response was doubting all of it.

"Aloy, go, I know how much this means to you. I would only be a burden if you were to worry about me. I want you to go out of this place, I know you've always been curious about the lands beyond." There was so much I that I wanted to convey.

So much that I wanted to ask but I pinched myself to not do that.

"Before I go, I wanted to hear that song you wanted to let me listen to, at least let me hold on to that." She pleaded and held on to my clothes. "I-I don't know Aloy, right now, if I did that, I would appear more—"

"Here, you can just record it on my focus."

She removed her focus and placed it in my palm, I looked at the device and glanced back at her. I heaved a sigh and excused myself from the area.

'Am I seriously doing this now? Yes, c'mon me! You can do this!'

There goes my heart beating

'Cause you are the reason

I'm losing my sleep

Please come back now

There goes my mind racing

And you are the reason

That I'm still breathing

I'm hopeless now

I'd climb every mountain

And swim every ocean

Just to be with you

And fix what I've broken

Oh, 'cause I need you to see

That you are the reason

I started to cry at thought of having to let go of Aloy, she would be far off and I would be here, possibly just waiting. I wouldn't have the slightest clue where she would be, but I would hold strong, not only for her but for myself.

I won't have any more music files for me to explore so this was the last of all of them. Before I stopped recording, I quietly whispered, "I...I...love you, I love you Aloy and I hope you will be safe. I may or may not be here when you come back but if it weren't for you giving me a reason to be here, I would have never bothered going on with that life I had..."

"And I would have lost myself if it weren't for you."

At the familiar voice, that was none other than Aloy's, I had lost all reason and the shock had gotten me wailing silently.

"I'll be back, you are all that I look forward to when I return." She grabbed my face and pressed our foreheads together. "You sang well, I didn't know I meant that...much to you..." She whispered.

"You are the reason I'm even here. Come back safe, Aloy-despite the Nora." I clutched on to her clothes.

She placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and went on her way, she didn't turn back and I looked at her back, fading off.

'I'll be here, Aloy.....my Aloy.'

•END•

____________________________________

Alright! Phew, that was done. I have never written a one-shot ever, I don't even know the word count cause I was just writing without thinking too much.

Anyway, it was more emotional in my head so I did cry a little but it's pretty meh on paper 😂

Aight, this distracted me from all the bs of the world, I hope it distracted some of y'all too.

[celest1all]

Rage Is The Sound Of Love

PAIRING / dean winchester x fem!reader

SUMMARY / dean gets pissed at the reader for being reckless on the hunt, but what was he exactly annoyed about?

WARNINGS / angst, swearing, mentions of blood, anger, kissing, illusions to sex, my writing, idk.

AUTHORS NOTE / angry dean is, and always will be, my kink.

[Gifs aren't mine!!! Got them off Google so creds to them <33]

One of the many, many ways you could tell that Dean was annoyed was by his face. His face held every emotion -- every thought that he couldn't say, or couldn't bring himself to say.

For example; Dean had a habit of clenching his jaw so hard that had you wondering how his teeth didn't snap. Also, his eyes would also send a glare that could a hundred percent kill its recipient if they were able to you.

And that 'recipient' just happened to be you. But he wasn't just a teeny bit annoyed, he was enraged. Boiling, seeing red, rage.

Why was he so pissed at you? Well, you were being reckless which, quite obviously, isn't a good thing to be in your line of work (if being a hunter is even qualified to be a job, since you technically weren't being paid).

The case was supposed to be easy, just a few vamps that you would kill and then you would return back to the bunker and all would be well, right?

Wrong.

Apparently, the 'few' vamps turned out to be a nest. Even though Cas had joined you on this case, you were still outnumbered; thirteen to four.

And when you're outnumbered, shit hits the fan...or blood hits the wall, in this case. Your blood, more specifically.

Thankfully, between the four of you, you had managed to gank all the blood sucking freaks but not before one of them had managed to turn your machete around on you, causing you to slice your leg open.

Cas, being the angel of the Lord that he is, he was able to heal you -- not before giving you a disapproving shake of his head.

Sam, on the other hand, was just glad you were okay. You were like a sister to him and you were alive, that was all that mattered.

You just wished that's how Dean felt.

Upon entering the Men of Letters bunker, the first thing that hit you was just how cold it was; similar to how Dean was being to you.

You knew for a fact that Dean -- perhaps Cas aswell -- was going to yell at you for your behaviour, but your leg being sliced and then being healed had done a number on you.

So, you went straight to your room and threw yourself on your bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was peaceful, kind of. You could still feel the blade piercing through your skin on your leg every so often, and it hurt like a bitch. Logically, you knew that your leg was now fine, but that didn't stop you from checking every so often.

A few minutes had passed before your peace was rudely ripped away from you by someone barrelling into your room.

"Uh, what the fuck?" You cursed, lifting your head up to see who the intruder was. When you saw who it was, you fell back against your bed in a huff. "Go away."

"No." His gruff voice replied, annoyance lacing his tone.

"This my room, Winchester. I can kick you out if I want to." You stated, flipping him off from where you were splayed.

"I need to talk to you." Now that got your attention, but not enough for you to move.

"Y/N." He stated plainly, causing you to roll your eyes and lean on your elbows to look at him.

"You said you needed to talk to me, so talk." You stared at him, waiting to him to explain. During the beat of silence, you took the time to examine his features. You had always found him attractive, every woman and man would've, but you didn't realise just how attractive he was. Although, you could still tell he was annoyed by the subtle tick to his jaw.

"What you did was stupid," He crossed his arms over his chest and used the tone of voice that always oozed authority, "and beyond careless."

You rolled your eyes once again, but didn't interrupt. "And if Cas wasn't there, then -- "

"But Cas was there."

Dean glared at you slightly before carrying on. "What I'm saying is; you could have gotten yourself killed."

You got up and stood in front of the six foot one, dark blond man. "I didn't, though. Shouldn't that account for something?"

Dean's eyes flicked across your face, chuckling dryly. "Do you really not get it?"

You could feel your face scrunch up in confusion, "Get what?"

"You could've died!" He reiterated, arms flailing about to emphasise his point. "You could've died before I was able to tell you that --"

Dean cut himself off with a heavy sigh, shaking his head and began turning around to head out your door.

You stood there, wide eyed before your body moved infront of his, effectively blocking him from the exit. You put your arms on either side of the door frame as your eyes stared into his. "Finish the sentence."

He shook his again and tried to move you, "Winchester, I swear if you don't finish that goddamn sentence then I will make Rowena hide a hex bag somewhere in your room!" You demanded, fists clenched.

"Rowena?"

"Seriously? That's all you got from that?" You asked. "We're good friends, but that's not the point! I'm not letting you leave this room until you finish what you were about to say." You breathed heavily, getting more annoyed by the second. Oh, how the tables have turned.

You watched Dean's face, his mouth slowly forming into a smirk. "How about I show you, sweetheart?"

You frowned, the annoyance leaving your body to make room for confusion. "How can you show me the end of a sent--hmph." Dean's lips crashed onto yours, swallowing your words.

It took you a few seconds to reciprocate the kiss due to surprise, but you did nonetheless. The kiss was full of everything; rage, fear, love and adoration.

By the time you both pulled away, you were gasping for oxygen, smiles gracing yours two's lips. "Woah, okay. Wasn't expecting that."

"You told me to finish my sentence, but you didn't tell me how to finish it." Dean shrugged, smirking once again.

"I guess you're not pissed at me, now?" You questioned, smiling at him.

"Oh no, I'm still pissed." He stated, and you could feel your face drop. "But I guess we're just going to have to find a different way to channel that rage."

Your eyes widened in understanding. Apparently, you were going to be in for a long night.

[sgys-closed]

content creator year in review !

was tagged by my lovely moots ilyyyy <33 (@soonhoonsol  @sunnie-dk   @uriboogyu) 💌💖✨

p.s. most works are going to be linked on my old account since i remade ahah

first creation in 2020:

since i basically just started this blog this year as well lol. i remember clearly that i made my first gif which was a taegyu gif (that i deleted alr because i was cleaning my acc LMAO) but i kept this soogyu gif which is basically like one of the first creations i made in 2020.

most recent creation of 2020:

this two (1,2) beomie set T_T (i really am more dedicated in making gifs nowadays ahaha but i wish i could post a gfx before this year ends!)

one of your favorite creations from 2020:

OH! this HUG stickers for caratrevival! i just really enjoyed making this and its my fave entry for caratrevival and i remember saying i would start a “create your own merch agenda” i would probably start posting things like that again ahah!

a creation you’re really proud of:

again! the HUG STICKERS i mentioned above! i just really love the colors and gradients are always one of the hardest to play around with and so im glad it actually worked! also some of the illustrations are made by me :D!

a new style you tried this year and a work that uses it:

idk if its really a new style for me? but this jun edit for caratrevival as well but because this edit is heavily textured based i really had a hard time fitting elements that should and shouldn’t be in it? but nonetheless i love how it turned out!

a creation that took you forever:

aaaaaaaaaa this!!! this!! THE8 FAN MAGAZINE! i also posted it late it was supposed to be for his bday but i was late lmao becauseeeee i had a hard time conceptualizing this magazine jsdhhfds i really want every pages of this magazine to have meanings and meta as possible. i collected every the8 images that i can work with. but now that i have everything i suddenly can’t work LOL?!?! plus the JUN EDIT! as well like i said the textures are just so hard for me to make it work.

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes:

this seungkwan set in my prev acc! and ALSO! this seungkwan set on this acc aaaaaaaa ;-; pls give lots of love on my seungkwan set <3 it makes my heart warm <3

a creation you think deserved more notes:

looking back to my old acc i really think these works deserves more notes (hug stickers, jun edit and especially the8 fan magazine) hahaha like if you’ve noticed these are the works i kept mentioning above! and also this dino edit aaaa ;-; im not usually proud of my graphics but these works of mine is surely i can be proud of! but if we are talking about a simple gif this beomgyu set i just really think he’s beautiful in this lmaojdshfjhdg and i like my coloring here! plus this svtxt crossover edit which i really enjoyed making and its a request!! 

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it:

i honestly haven’t done anything from other fandoms but i could try especially for tbz!! their music videos and generation z introduction wow my mind wentttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a creation you made that breaks your heart:

not really “break” but it makes my heart warm. the countdown set i made for soobin’s day (1, 2, 3, 4) and also this inside seventeen set where seungkwan is just giving some love to his members ;-; <3 (i love my boys 😔💖)

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love:

THIS  scoups edit for caratrevival! it’s simple for me in a sense that i just worked with pictures + borders + text and shapes and thats it! and also this bday post for soobin day!  just did the same method :D

a creation that was inspired by another one:

i always get my inspiration from behance! this is my board and everytime i get stuck i always look into this and try to conceptualize something on my own!

a favorite creation created by someone else:

oh boy! i have lots like i try my best to make a comprehensive comments sometimes on someone’s creation but i just end screaming on the tags sdjhfjfhds plsss shout out to all content creators out there! what you put up is highly appreciated and keep sharing your works!!! 

some of your favorite content creators from the year (tag you’re it! IF YOU’VE ALREADY DONE THIS im so sorry but im tagging u again just because i want u to know that i very much appreciate u):

@kyeomshine @soonhoonsol @softhyungkyun @iiasha @beomgyung @soobeannie @uriboogyu @smallkore @ajusnice @sunnie-dk @delicatecy @yeonbins @txtify @joshuahong @defgyus @myunqho @xuseokgyu @jonghan @umaio @woneko (these are just the few! BUT I HOPE ALL MY MUTUALS KNOW THAT I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR WORKS YES? YES!!!)

and for good measure, another a couple more creations of yours that you love: 

pls give these more lots of love pls!

seungkwan my my set (1 & 2)

txt sherlock set (which i really am proud as well for txt they killed this!)

soogyu ‘hug’ set (i really love how this stage gif turned out bec i barely gif stages) (1 & 2)

FEAR SEUNGKWAN (do i need to say more)

[spring-emerald]

Hi. Is it ok to request a Game of Thrones au for Karasuno?

Hello @runningfromrealitytoanime! Yes, though in the interest of full disclosure, I’m one of those that didn’t watch GoT in its entirety and what I know of it is from the memes and pop culture in general, but I’ve brushed up by reading the GoT wiki to give you a little something. I’m sorry that it’s really short though and that it took me a while. I hope you’ll still like it. :)

-----

Daichi pulls the thick blanket over himself and wraps it tighter in attempt to warm himself up more, inching closer to the hearth that a short, younger boy with a ginger hair is keeping alive by throwing kindling, all while occasionally glancing at Daichi.

Daichi couldn’t be more thankful being surrounded by heat again. He used to hate it, the heat that is, because he’s never experienced anything else, working in the forges and all. He’d always dreamt of escaping its suffocating confines and smell of melting metal. He had wanted to experience breathing fresh air and know the smell of the sea, the lush greens of the forest and feel the winter winds against his skin. But having experienced all of that in what he considers a hard-pressed journey almost to the point of dying of cold because the North is upholding its reputation, more so than what he thought, he would do anything to be sweating out again.

“Here, have some soup,” Sugawara offers him a steaming bowl, and Daichi’s stomach grumbles and he couldn’t get his hands out fast enough to cradle it. The warmth escaping the wooden bowl was a welcome comfort especially for Daichi’s freezing hands. He says a soft thank you, before he starts slurping the soup, burning his tongue at the first spoonful because of his haste.

When his belly is warm enough and his mind more lucid, he’s more aware of the other people around him, all looking at him at varying state of polite hesitance to unconcealed awe. They all look away when he meets their eyes, focusing on their own bowls instead, but he’s sure they all have some words at the tip of their tongue, but he feigns ignorance.

It’s a strange group, their lot. He’d met the tall, gruff one, Asahi, beforehand, when he pretended to be commissioning a weapon for his master and had taken him aside in the guise of discussing the details and payment, but once out of earshot had a completely different message for him -declared that he knows Daichi’s lineage and that it’s only a matter of time before others, the enemies do; that his life is in danger and that he should come with him, with them because they’re going to keep him safe, they are his only hope.

They, who, at this point still even after meeting them all, Daichi cannot pinpoint which of the seven kingdoms had come from. He never cared much for politics and to which powerful family belongs which members, he could care less about that, but he’s pretty sure that the variation of hair colors and physical features means that they’re far removed from each other’s lineages, and don’t belong to only one kingdom.

“You must have a lot of questions.” Sugawara asks, watching him. “About who you really are and why we’ve taken you. But rest assured that we are your allies and we’re here to protect you and help you get back what’s rightfully yours.”

“I don’t even know what’s rightfully mine,” Daichi admits. “Since we began this journey, all I have are doubts and questions that keep on growing every day and gives me sleepless nights. I want to understand.” He’s still wary, but he shows them that he will listen.

Sugawara and Asahi share a look, then Sugawara nods. Asahi slips a stack of parchments out from a rucksack sitting on the floor beside him and hands it over to Daichi, which he takes slowly.

“We’ve received this a few months ago which led us to look for you.”

Daichi frowns but unfurls it nonetheless and reads through. It wasn’t exactly a letter, like he’d expected, but accounts, multiple ones in chronological order, detailing the aftermath of the coup that happened 25 years ago. He’s halfway reading the third page when he’d realized that what he’s reading are ripped out journal pages.

Thoughts and knowledge and experiences of who Daichi realizes later is the man he grew up to know as his father, but had eventually abandoned them. That his entries are about his mother –the princess of the overthrown and betrayed king, and with growing dread, him –the rightful heir and ruler and had to be kept safe. All of the entry though soaked with obvious fear would always be littered with hope and promises of the prince restoring his family’s honor and eventually the peace in all the Seven Kingdoms.

Daichi doesn’t finish reading, couldn’t bear to, as his mind starts spinning around the possibilities, the weight of the words, the recollections that swiftly and abruptly changed his life. If proven to be true.

“You…” he starts. “I’m not- I don’t… This isn’t about me. I’m not. I can’t be,” he throws the pages down on the floor.

“I understand that you may find it hard to believe,” Sugawara says, picking up the papers. “But it’s the truth.”

“These letters are hardly proof of any truth you’re speaking of!” Daichi shouts, standing up, the blanket falling behind him. “That could be referring to anyone!”  

“You bear a striking resemblance to the late King,” Tsukishima interjects from his place in the far corner, the dancing flames reflected on his glasses and light blond hair. “I was studying to be a Meister and had seen portraits of royals during my time as apprentice. Your likeness is uncanny.” He also proceeds to describe the princess, and Daichi swallows the lump on his throat at how it matches his mother.

“That doesn’t prove anything.” Daichi insists.

Sugawara sighs. “You’re right. No one alive during that time can help us. All the allies of the king were executed and killed. All from the different families of the Seven Kingdoms, noble and otherwise, no exemptions. We know this because some of us come from them. No one was spared, not even with promises of loyalty and fealty to him, the current king made sure of that no one can know that someone can contest his claim. We only have portraits he doesn’t know exist hidden in the forbidden section of the Citadel and accounts from a dead man,” he waves the paper in his hand. “And you.”

“And we need you,” Asahi adds, somber. “It wasn’t uncommon for family members to betray one another. A lot of people got into power through that. But in the years he’d been on the throne, the king had turned a lot of people against each other and had laid waste in this once great country. He made blood ties meaningless, family names and connections useless. But he didn’t anticipate that in the division he created, a stronger bond between people would form.

“That’s why we’re here,” he stares at Daichi. “This family we’ve created for ourselves would fight until we can and we’d like you to do it with us.”

“What you’re asking for is…” Daichi couldn’t even finish, thoughts too jumbled and feelings too conflicted.

“A lot, we know,” Sugawara concedes. “But we’ve been gearing ourselves up for this revolution for a while now. We could’ve done it without you. We didn’t know of your existence until a few months ago. But now, we’d like to believe that the Old Gods and the New have blessed us because you are here.”

Daichi still isn’t thoroughly convinced. And he knows that what he says next is rash and impulsive, too raw and sudden but still he breathes deep and squares his shoulders, looks them all in the eyes and says “What do I need to do?”

------

i was trying to go for a subversion of loyalty to family trope that I think is part and parcel of what makes up GoT. I was trying to go for kind of like embodiment of the saying “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” but idk if I justified it well enough. Anyway, thank you for your patience. 

[vaguelygeiszlerian]

1 to 50

ok i just saw this existed, i live on tumblr mobile where i ignore the activity tab and scroll endlessly, bear w me

Animated character that was your gay awakening? uhhhhhhh,,,....,,,.. if i remembered anything abt my childhood i would tell u, im gonna say rukia from bleach because i want gorgeous short people to step on me

Grilled cheese or PB&J? peanut butter Always... tho if it was a fancy grilled cheese (there is a special preparation).... i would be torn

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? it really depends! i bounce around, i watch a lot of baumgartner restorations, i watch a LOT of nyx fears video essays on horror movies i would never watch, i watch longplays of, like, nier automata bc im still delighted by cryaotic?

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? i dont really get to order a lot of drinks at bars, itll depend, if im with friends ill order as many things off the cocktail menu as my money allows, if im with my parents ill order long island iced teas or whiskey and lemonade

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? i literally own like 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being the only pair i can actually safely wear haha.... but my favorite pair is the black red and gold converse that dont fit anymore but still remind me of high school

Top three cuisines? mexican, italian, whomever the fuck invented kasoundi

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? yeah as said above i have no clue about anything about my childhood so idk i think mum said once that my first proper word was just ‘no’ which sounds abt right

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? idk if my last job counts? i mean i used to do all round garden labor stuff until my pain got worse and i literally couldnt anymore so i got relegated to desk work

Look up. What’s directly across from you? oh a container of pesto i didnt like the flavour of and just... forgot to throw out.... i will do that tomorrow

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a rwby poster signed by ray and jack? its p cool

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? preferred right now? wrapped in a metric fuckton of blankets w my partner

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i..... dont like bagels

Brunch or midnight snacks? i live a weirdly scheduled life, midnight snacks and brunch are interchangeable to me now, so both

Favorite mug you own i..... dont really have one? all of my actual mugs that are mine have my deadname on them haha

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? overbrewed black coffee that someone left to go cold before dumping six packs of sugar in

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) ‘ And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me ‘ bc we all love a bit of mitski when we are feeling the self isolation creeping in

Fruity or herbal teas? fruity teas only! or rather i drink fruit tisanes! but if you mean actual tea then herbal, i only drink peppermint tea

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? fruits basket! everyone watch the reboot

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? all the books i read for class sucked but medea wasnt so bad

Do you match your socks? only when theyre very fun patterned socks, and even then sometimes i will match them to the wrong pair but the same pattern, aka my double watermelon combo (i have a pair of green socks w watermelons and a pair of black socks w watermelons so)

Have you ever been horseback riding? no and i never will because i am fucking terrified of horses

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) uh.... uh i mean im not sure if it counts as a phase but i was stupid into vampires (to the point of me and my friends constructing the intricate theory that our teacher was a vampire and we had to kill her by the time we graduated (she was not and we did not and i hate all of those people now) i was just the weird conspiracy kid i guess, we used to spend every lunch staring across the oval at a house we were SURE an alien lived in (it was just a plastic bag being rustled by a fan)

Have you ever been to jail? bkdnbrb god no

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? im a lazy susan

Puzzles? i cant solve a rubiks cube but give me a 2000 piece jigsaw and ill sit there for 6 hours trying to solve it

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? oh this is tough..... orange juice, the fancy kind but with no bits in it, i used to like the bits but these days i just want a clean juice experience

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? ,,,,,,the ya fiction section, i never buy anything from there but i like to see if series i read as a teenager ever got new instalments after i stopped liking them

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? how to sleep like a normal person

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? uh, it depends! lizzo or my playlist of musicals! (which is literally just starkid/tcb stuff)

Where could someone find you in a museum? i could literally be anywhere, probably in front of some old piece though, just staring for an hour bc im struck by the majesty of it (and my legs probably locked up so i couldnt move anyway)

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? so i have a nice white button up and some really nice jeans i just got, and my suspenders, and my cool blue heels that i know i cant wear bc my legs cant handle walking in heels anymore, but it would look cool am i right

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? i look up at my roof which is almost entirely covered in glow in the dark stars and then stare into the camera (i wish every day that my roof was like the roof of the healthy harold van, i still have fucking dreams of that beautiful ceiling)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? non traditional? id want a lizard that could curl round my shoulders like a leathery scarf

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i dont have any photos on my wall so art by default

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i just want the pensive emoji tattooed in the small of my back so if i wear a crop top everyone has to suffer with me

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with fuck superheroes they suck, can i hang out with jason todd red hood style

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? oceans, i want to go to the beach so fucking bad

Favorite mid-2000s song i dont really have a Big Favorite but like..... i constantly thank god for esteban

How do you dress when you’re home alone? ive been in the same sweatpants and old paint shirt i got from my painting and decorating course for three days

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? armchair closest to the kitchen, perfect to make a quick escape if dad comes in

Knives or swords? knives, i dont have the upper body strength for swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving? oh uh run away with me by crj, *bwoooooooo buhnuhnuuuuuu buhnuhnuuuuuhhh buhnuhnuuuuhhhhh*

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL BUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY CERTAIN PARTS FROM EACH OF THEM BC COLLECTIVELY THEY SUCK BUT PARTS OF THEM ARE PERFECT

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? no caption i dont want people to really acknowledge that i post things

Name a classic Vine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anQds9PQ7CA

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? hash browns hash browns hash browns ONLY

How do you top your ice cream? god its been so long since ive been able to eat ice cream.... with the reeses peanut butter ice cream shell topping

Do you like Jello? jelly is the pinnacle of our society and i wish i were eating it right now

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? i wish i had a picture of myself and my partner so i could set it as my phone lock screen (that or i wish i had a picture of me and a friend i really dearly miss bc i have pics of her in my phone but not of us together and i want some but i cant bring myself to say so)

How are you at climbing trees? theres a tree in my front yard i used to be able to hang off but nowadays i think id hurt myself just trying to lift my nasty meat sack off the ground trying

[triptych-schift]

Life update i suppose.

Can’t remember the last time I updated...

My mind feels glitchy for lack of ways to articulate what I’m feeling precisely. I’ve been on and off medication for periods of time. I’m conflicted with having to take meds because of the stigma of dependency on drugs, although I do feel better when taking it. When the effects wear off, the shitty thoughts and feelings come back. But how much of it is in my head? How much of this am I imagining? What if it’s just a placebo effect? Idk...the same could be said of my depression. Am I imagining it? Is this real or am I just actually awful and it something that can’t be fixed? Or even worse, can be fixed without meds and I’m just too crooked to see/do it?

I have been running low on my meds and have been skipping doses in case I do feel particularly horrible. I just don’t know if I should keep taking it. Is it bad in the long term? I’d have to schedule yet another appointment and that’s another day off work. There’s been a period of time I haven’t been taking it and I feel like it’s coming back. It makes me sick. At some point I had like a mini episode and just stopped functioning. I sat on my bed and could get myself to move and place cleaned sheets back on it. It was such a simple task but I couldn’t do it. I’m worried of reverting back and potentially losing whatever progress the medication has helped with. But does that mean I’d have to keep taking it for as long as I live?! I don’t even know why I’m like this???

Idk man... in terms of identity and self discovery, pride month is always something. It’s very inspiring to see others overcome their personal struggle and their development. I can relate in different ways. Sure I may not have some sob story, maybe I wasn’t bullied or experienced violence for those same reasons or even to the same degree, but the overbearing fear is too relatable. There have been quite a few things I’ve come to realize. I don’t really have something I’d call a “family”. There’s the people you were born from like blood relatives and there’s a family you choose like the ones you trust and are close to regardless. By nature I keep things to myself, I push people away, I’m so severely closeted, I live in constant fear of losing what little “happiness” and normalcy I have. I realize I feel alone. The environment I’ve subjected myself to and created is not helping me. I saw a quote not too long ago saying something along the lines of “you cannot heal in the same place that hurt you”. I’ve been in the same place this whole goddamn time thinking I could fix myself, desperately trying to make things work but honestly I’m starting to realize I’m running out of options? The reality of possibly losing everything is very real, and that I’ve been saving money and planning for when that does happen. But its either that happens and I am living truthfully or continue living a lie and struggling to please everyone at my own expense.

For a long time and even now I don’t know 100% what I am...but I’m slowly discovering things that add up. I don’t have much opportunity to talk about things like this. (Yet the only way I do express myself is anonymously though the internet to strangers that may not even be reading LOL) The number of people that know my situation I can count on one hand. But I am so very very grateful for each one of you (you probably know who you are). I probably take this for granted and don’t seem appreciative but I really am grateful. It’s a small amount of relief that there are people I can be open to. But it’s very difficult to balance that with people who don’t know. And there are very rare occasions I can be comfortable. I’m constantly harangued by a name I don’t want. Hearing it kinda pisses me off tbh but I’m constantly worried that by trying to correct this it will unintentionally out me. It feels pathetic that coworkers and strangers refer to me more properly than my own blood.

But I am so so grateful to have people who respect these small nuances. I’ve been feeling low, possibly because I’ve been refraining from medication or due to dysphoria... idk. But recently I noticed a good friend of mine had taken the effort to idk "lead by example?” around their child, just by referring to me by my name and pronouns in their presence. I don’t think I pass normally, but its hard not to notice small things like this especially when most everyone doesn’t use my preferred pronouns, again for fear of being outed. At some point that day I think this child realized people kept switching pronouns and directly asked me for clarification. To be honest, when I heard that question get dropped I felt everything sink and get quiet. Again for fear of being outed in a space I wasn’t comfortable with I had to stupidly play it off. “I’m whichever. It doesn’t matter. I’m an ‘it’.” A joke. Laugh it off. But this child decides “hmm I’ll call you him.” Its a small thing. Words don’t normally bear much meaning for me. Nonetheless words from a child. Not really something that could be considered powerful or life changing. But as someone who couldn’t speak for myself in that situation it made a load of a difference. Validation for someone who is invisible is a sentimental thing. A small bit of happiness and a step towards a future where we don’t need to hide.

....well this has been sitting in my drafts for a while but I’ve finally refilled my prescription. I’ve been obscenely tired and could probably do well with some time off. And I’ve inquired about transitioning. Idk when that will happen but I hope soon. There are a few hurdles to go over before that. But having to choose between work and going to an appointment has made me realize how low I prioritize myself over other things :/. Like I struggle to decide whether to cancel a blood work appointment or tell my coworkers I can’t make it to some meeting that day. And guess which one I ended up doing OTL... now I gotta schedule another appointment like 3 weeks out just for blood work TvT.

[mixdoyoung]

💔

Generated Sentence Starters — Open➡ My muse dies in your muse’s arms ; Canon AU ( Cause someone dies lol )

A follow up from HERE. In which a retaliation hit is ordered on Kim Doyoung.@hansolmi and @mixhyunwoo (and maybe @mijongsuk / @mixwoobin idk lol) might be interested in this read.

( tw: blood, violence, murder )

𝟕:𝟒𝟏𝐏𝐌 —

“Hey Doyoung, come taste this. I think the coke is expired. It tastes funny… Can soda even be expired?”

Doyoung waves him off, eyes fixed on the television screen before him as flips through its modes, trying to find the correct one that would connect to his hard disc. Hansol had protested – “But Doyoungg, I can buy it! I’m rich! T–this isn’t right!” – but Doyoung is of the philosophy of: Why buy what you can get for free? 

That’s right. He’s a filthy pirate and proud. 

Thus the hard drive full of Blu Ray rips for their Marvel Movie Marathon. Hansol relented eventually like he usually does. Doyoung can be very convincing when he tries. 

“Expired soda won’t kill you,” he shoots back, and behind him, Hansol gives a half-squeak, half-exclamation of disapproval. Cute. But Doyoung can’t help rolling his eyes nonetheless. Such a sheltered boy. 

“It’s not expired you numbskull,” he sighs, “I bought it this morning! It’s probably the damn pesto chicken your butler cooked for dinner. That stupid sauce has a disgusting aftertaste that makes everything taste weird. God, I hate pesto.”

“Huh. I guess so.”

Doyoung wonders if he might’ve added too much; He’d just crushed all the pills in the container and chucked it into the soda bottle. He thought sleeping pills were tasteless, but obviously, it must’ve been too much if Hansol tasted something off. In his defence, he didn’t know how much would be enough.

He hears Hansol taking another long sip from his cup. Good.

The infernal appliance finally works, the menu flickering to life on the screen before him. Thank fuck, because Doyoung was this close to chucking the remote right at it for being so damned obstinate. 

As the comic book like intro plays, he shuffles backwards, unceremoniously dropping his butt down on the sofa. Hansol, who had selfishly stretched out lengthwise along the entire couch, squeaked as he hastily pulled his legs away just seconds before they were crushed.

In retaliation, Hansol defiantly stacks his legs on top of Doyoung’s lap which elicits the stink eye from him. 

Glancing to the side, he notes the heavy lids and silent yawns of the man. 

“What? Sleepy already? It’s only eight you baby,” he half-snorts, half-chuckles with raised eyebrows. 

“I’m not!”

“Whatever you say sleeping beauty,” he smirks, slapping the man’s leg, “If I catch you sleeping I’m gonna shove ice-cubes down your shirt.”

“Har. Har. Not gonna happen because I’m not gonna sleep.”

They’re only 10 minutes into the movie when Doyoung hears the distinctively heavy breathing of a sleeping Hansol.

“Well, that was faster than I expected,” he mutters, jabbing the man at his side a couple of times – just to be sure – before gently lifting his legs off his lap as he straightens up, switching the television off as he does so. 

𝟖:𝟎𝟐𝐏𝐌 —

Doyoung paces across the fireplace in silence, tapping away on his mobile phone, pausing every now and there to stare off into space – as though considering how to best word his message. Even after he’s done typing, he spends another five or so tapping the device contemplatively against this chin.

To send or not to send, that is the question.

In the end, he sends it. At this point, it doesn’t matter whether he sends it early or late. Whatever the case, it won’t affect the outcome of his plan as far as he’s foreseen. If only there were someone present awake to witness that glorious shit-eating grin of his as he tapped ‘send’. Mother always did say he had a beautiful smile. 

Extracting the sim card, he snaps the tiny little thing in half and tosses it into the glowing hearth.

𝟖:𝟏𝟏𝐏𝐌 —

Doyoung’s nursing his neon plastic cup of coke – which Hansol was right about; it did taste funny, and it wasn’t the pesto – in peaceful silence when his ears pick up a distant thud indicative of something (or someone) heavy hitting the ground. 

Must be from the foyer. His guest is earlier than expected. 

It’s a good thing Hansol is as rich as he is, and his mansion (and thus, his corridors) is unnecessarily huge. Doyoung reckon’s he’s got a minute or so before they discover him in the media room. He’ll take any extra time he’s got; Doyoung is under no illusion that he can match up to a trained assassin. 

But he’s not planning to match up to anyone. He just needs to buy some time.

Downing the rest of his cup’s contents with a grimace, he crouches down by the ebony coffee table, running his palm along the underside of it until he feels a bump. He traces the outlines of the button with his fingers, searching for the safety unlock – which he flicks off with a fingernail – before stabbing the button with his index. 

Hansol always did have the best thingamajigs. 

Doyoung straightens up just in time to greet his guest at eye level.

“Hey,” he raises a palm in greeting, “Fancy meeting you again like this… Ghost.”

𝟖:𝟏𝟓𝐏𝐌 —

“So, did you kill the butler or just knock him out?”

“You’re my target. So no, I didn’t kill him.”

“A killer with morals I see,” he muses thoughtfully as he walks up to the man who was now eyeballing him suspiciously. “Relax,” he says, raising up both arms, “I don’t intend on leaving this room. At least, not outside of a body bag. The game’s up. I’ve known about the hit for a while now and have come to terms with it. Pretty sure I can’t outmanoeuvre a guy like you.”

“Ironic though, killing me now after saving me back then. You’re a surprisingly good, bad guy— by the way, did your boss ever mentioned the reason for the hit?”

“No. He never did, and it’s none of my business anyways. And my condolences, Doyoung-ssi. I’m just doing my job, no hard feelings.”

The man cocks his gun, levelling it at him.

“Yeah, no hard feelings,” he snorts, rolling his eyes as he lightly pushes the barrel of the gun away from his face with the tip of his fingers. “Why are you in such a hurry. At least give me time to pretty myself up before sending me off.”

“Confused?” He chuckles, wiggling his gloved fingers before the man. “It’s cause I need it to fit my—”

Dropping his palms down, a decorative pewter letter-opener sliding out from under his sleeve and into his grasps. And in one fluid motion, he stabs it right into the man’s left thigh. He knew all those sleight of hand tricks he picked up for high school pranks would come in useful someday. 

“—narrative,” he finishes, smiling up at the man. “Déjà Vu?” 

Doyoung takes advantage of the man’s distraction, lunging for the firearm and succeeds in knocking it out of his grasp. 

He dives for it, rolling behind the couch in the process.

Behind him, Ghost grunts in pain, but easily regains his bearings. He pulls out another gun, unsurprisingly. 

“For a guy who claims to be ready for death, you seem to be fighting it pretty hard.”

Once again, Doyoung raises his arms over his head – gun still in hand – from behind the couch in a show of surrender. 

“For an entirely different reason I assure you. Sorry for the skewering your thigh, but  I doubt you’d have let me borrow your gun otherwise,” he explains calmly. 

Arms still raised, he rises slowly from behind the couch, coming face to face with the wary assassin and his trained gun. 

“Don’t shoot.”

Locking eyes with the man, he slowly lowers the arm wielding the firearm. 

“I don’t intend to shoot you,” he drawls slowly, holding the man’s gaze. He lowers the gun further, aiming it directly at his sleeping friend’s heart. 

He fires. 

“It was for him,” he remarks nonchalantly, nodding towards Hansol as he tosses the gun aside as though it were trash.

The look of confusion on the man’s face was hilarious, and if things weren’t set to play out the way they were, Doyoung would’ve loved a photo.

Ignoring the assassin’s bewilderment, he saunters over to the fireplace as he peels off his gloves, and discards them in the hearth the same way he’d discarded Hyunwoo’s sim card not too long ago.

𝟖:𝟐4𝐏𝐌 —

Doyoung’s pretty sure those are sirens he’s hearing.

“Right on time,” he exclaims, clapping his hands together as he looks expectantly at Ghost. “What are you waiting for? Come at me!” 

Down the long, long corridor, he hears distinct groan and crash of a door being bashed open and the booming ‘Police!’ he usually only ever hears when watching one of his procedural serials. 

“Oh for God’s sake—”

Rolling his eyes, he lunges for the assassin’s collar, using gravity to take the man down with him as he lets himself fall backwards onto the coffee table. 

Wincing, he hits the surface with a loud clatter, magazines and random table clutter flying everywhere. 

Inhaling deeply, he summons his loudest, most fearful voice:

“Help! HELP! HE’S TRYING TO KILL ME!”

Amidst his screeching, he guides the man’s hand with his own, pressing the barrel of the pistol against his kidney. He tries not to think about it as he forces the man to pull the trigger.

“HEL—”

It hurts a lot more than he’d expected. His words die a strangled death in his throat, the force of the shot knocking the wind right out of him.

The world before him does a tilt-a-whirl, and darkness was starting to creep in from the edges of his vision. With trembling arms, he weakly drags Ghost closer to him, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Lost the battle, won the war. Hansol is mine, forevermore.”

And he lets himself fall.

White noise fills his ears, and he sees a blur of silhouettes behind half-lids that slowly fade into nothing.

𝟖:𝟑𝟎𝐏𝐌 —

𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐞 —

Outgoing: VersaceSender: Watson

Sent 8:07PMHello from the other side, sweetheart. I must thank you for sending out a hitman after me. I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang!And what a show it was! If only you were here to watch it all go down.

If I had known Hyunwoo had such a dangerous lover backing him, I would’ve planned his murder more carefully. But well, what’s done is done. In the end, we all still get what we want. Me = Hyunwoo gone. You = Me gone. So win-win.

Can’t say the same for Hyunwoo or that guy Woobin though. Hyunwoo must be weeping from the grave over his half-brother’s death. And Woobin doesn’t get his sweet boy. But eh, it’s not possible for everyone to win. 

Hansol has always been mine. I promised to always watch over him. Can’t watch over him if I’m dead and gone, so decided to take him with me. 

Anyways, have fun dealing with the cops! Cheers! RIP me. 

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

Hexes and Charms - James Potter x Reader

Request: Can I request a James Potter imagine where the reader meet him at the diagon alley and she just hex him accidentally because she was trying her wand(I know magic is not allowed outside Hogwarts but it was before they started Hogwarts)so he basically get impressed by her skills and slowly they become good friends but when Sirius tells James that he like the reader,James feel jealous but do nothing and reader getting irritated by James's behaviour and kiss him all of sudden in middle of great hall Warnings: My English, language, idk. Gifs aren’t mine. Credits to their original owners. Also, Harry Potter Wikia. And guys I am so sorry. The semester has taken its toll on me. Word Count~1.8k MASTERLIST Pending Requests

 You had no idea why you could do some pretty weird stuff. You had absolutely no idea why you could levitate objects or why you could vanish things. You just did. At first, you tried to keep it hidden; you didn’t know why or how was something like that possible and you definitely didn’t want your parents to find out. What would they think of you? Slowly, you gained more confidence as you found out ways to use your ‘ability’ to help injured animals or even your friends. You still didn’t know how you were able to do stuff like that but that didn’t bother you anymore. Until a letter came for you. A letter from Hogwarts. What was Hogwarts? You didn’t know and you wouldn’t know if it wasn’t for Professor McGonagall. She looked strict but she was a really sweet person. The verdict was that you were a witch. Yep, a witch.

He always knew what Hogwarts was. He always knew why he could practice magic. He was born into the Wizarding World. He was a Pureblood wizard. He didn’t need McGonagall to explain or introduce him to a completely different world.

It was a miracle, a scene from the most beautiful fairy tale. Diagon Alley was a cobblestoned wizarding alley and shopping area located in London, England behind a pub called the Leaky Cauldron. Inside the alley was an assortment of restaurants, shops, and other sights. All items on the Hogwarts supply list could be bought at Diagon Alley and it was completely hidden from the Muggle world which was right outside of its boundaries. It was very large in area and essentially the center of wizarding London. And you only lived moments away, yet you had never seen it. All those colorful places and people made your head spin. It was full of life. You had bought your supplies except for your wand and that’s when McGonagall told you about Ollivander’s. He was the best wandmaker in history, according to her. When you entered there was one other kid waiting for his wand. You didn’t pay attention to him because you were too fascinated by the shop. Everywhere you looked, there were wands, wands and more wands. “This is a mahogany wand. Eleven inches. Pliable. A little more power and excellent for transfiguration and… trouble, young man” an old man-Ollivander?- informed the black-haired boy in front of you, before his blue eyes landed on you. “But you… maybe…  Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow?” he trailed off as he gave you a wooden stick- that must be your wand, cool. You held it, unsure of what to do when he prompted you to give it a wave. Maybe he shouldn’t have. Everything made of glass was broken within a matter of seconds. He looked genuinely surprised but he nodded kindly nonetheless. “No, no. Willow is no match to your power. Maybe eleven inches, beech, flexible” he told you as he handed you another wand. It felt… better, if you could use that word for a wand but still something felt off. You gave it a wave and even though it did perform excellently, Ollivander was skeptical. “Perhaps, Alder wood with a Phoenix feather core, ten and three-quarters long and Slightly Springy flexibility”. This wand looked amazing and once you held it you realized what McGonagall had told you about the wands and their owners. You gave it a try but… blue sparks hit the black-haired boy and he started sneezing uncontrollably. Ollivander, instead of helping the boy, he smiled brightly and told you that your wand had picked you. If you were puzzled before, now you were utterly confused. After a while, the sneezing stopped and you tried to apologize but he wasn’t even listening.  It was so clear that you were a Muggle-Born and yet, you managed to perfume a non-verbal hex without even knowing the incantation. He was impressed, to say the least. “It’s fine, really. I am James, by the way” he introduced himself and you blushed slightly. “Y/N. Nice to meet you, James”. Little did you know that that particular boy was trouble and you were willingly walking its way.

It had been six years. In those six years, you had formed bonds that you knew they would last. Gradually, you had become friends with the Marauders and by the end of your third year, you were inseparable. You knew about Remus’ condition before he told you; you just waited for him to trust you enough. You knew about Peter’s awfully low self-esteem and family problems and you tried to help me as much as you could. Speaking of family, you were very well aware of Sirius’ family-issues. You weren’t sure if they deserved that name. You had been a shelter for him and his nightmares. Unfortunately, you knew about the infuriating crush James had on Lily.  You would be happy for him-you wanted to be happy- if it wasn’t for own crush on him. You hadn’t realized when you stopped seeing him as a friend and started seeing him … as more. You were already caught in the middle of it when you figured it out. But what could you do? He was so in love with Lily. No, he wasn’t in love with her, he was just… infatuated. That was not love. That was an obsession. Or so you wanted to believe. You were lost in your own world that you didn’t notice that what you have been feeling about James, someone else was experiencing it for you. That was a lie. You did notice. How he would always want to be by your side, how you were the only one he would talk to about his problems, his nightmares, his fears, his dreams… but it felt natural and you didn’t question it. Just like he knew that you would never be his because he saw the way you were looking at his best friend and as much as it hurt, he accepted it. The only thing that he could never accept was the fact that his best friend was being an arse and was trying to woo over Lily, while he should be with you and care about you and only you. Because that was what he would do. If you were his, he would never let you go. And you kind of felt that. You just happened to be at the right place, the right time. Sort of. “Well, yes -  there is something I wanna tell you” you heard Sirius’ voice coming from the empty classroom that you had just passed by as you were walking down the corridor. You halted and hid in the corner trying to peer inside the room. There wasn’t enough light to give you away but you did manage to sneak a peek. “What has you all worked up Pads?” James asked him, teasingly. The boys were brewing a potion, probably something illegal, you guessed and you were thankful that they weren’t looking at their map because you didn’t have an explanation for eavesdropping.  “Okay, here it goes. I like her. I like Y/N” he admitted and your jaw hit the floor. You didn’t know how to react, mainly because you knew but still… that was a big confirmation. How this would affect all the other aspects? You saw James furrowing his eyebrows. He was such an idiot. “Um, we all like her. She is our friend” he stated and Remus facepalmed. Yeah, you wanted to do that as well but you just waited for the realization to kick in. “That’s the thing. I don’t like her as a friend. I like her as… more” Sirius sheepishly told him, blushing lightly. He was cute and adorable and you just wished that you could feel like you felt about James, for him. How much easier would everything be? James blinked a couple of times and he opened and closed his mouth too many times, but nothing ever came out. He just stared at Sirius.  You didn’t know what to think and you left. That was something that they should deal with alone.

For the next month, things had gone from confusing to downright weird. And even more confusing. You had expected that after that night, one of them would feel obligated to tell you that they had been talking about you. But no. Nothing like that ever happened. Sirius had been even closer than before and was trying his best to avoid-yes, avoid- James while James had been acting as if he was jealous -which was impossible because Lily!- but at the same time he had grown colder towards you. You didn’t know what to believe- what had happened after you had left? Did they get into a fight? Why would they? Even when James was ignoring you, because that was what he had been doing or trying to, you still were under his charms. And you felt pathetic. Emotional rollercoaster. You had had enough. It was party time You were in the middle of your breakfast and your annoyance towards James was only growing. You were sitting right next to him and he felt colder than an iceberg. You had a long talk with Sirius last night. Everything was out in the open and you both had come clean with each other. Now it was James’ time. He was talking to everyone about everything; but you. Something was boiling- your tolerance? Perhaps. You recalled that first day you had met him-oh, how you wanted to hex him right now. Where was that sweet boy? You missed him. “What have I done to you?” you asked him out of the blue. That simple question stopped every single conversation. His eyes narrowed, his brows knitted and that familiar line appeared between them while a muscle in his jaw twitched. He didn’t respond. Your eyes drifted away from him. “Fine” you simply breather out. Within a matter of seconds, you had concocted a plan. To hell with your reputation and your dignity. And probably everything… but who cares? You grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, turning his whole body so he could face you. And you kissed him. It wasn’t a gentle kiss. It was fierce and brutal, it was angry and desperate- and long overdue. But it was worth it. Merlin, it was worth it. You felt like fire was running through your veins as you breathed in his intoxicating scent. What surprised you was that he responded. He was kissing you back, eagerly, hungrily, almost impatiently. And if you asked him in that moment ‘what about Lily’, he would answer ‘Who’s Lily?’. And if you asked him after two years ‘What about Lily’, he would still answer ‘Who’s Lily?”. Because, with that hex, you had already won him over.

Tags: @orionsirivsblack @kapolisradomthoughts @nadinissavage

[mokalisafurry-blog]

Shells. Or my shell anyway.

I have a bit of thoughts on my mind idk if they were worth sharing but... I guess I just want to regardless. Hopefully someone out there can relate heh. SO, shells. I think I’ve had a social/personal shell almost all my life. Well actually that’s not entirely true. I think deep down there’s a part of me that always wants to leave my shell and I actually seek out great people when I see them. Those people have helped me grow into who I am today in so many countless ways.

I might not be giving myself enough credit but honestly I don’t even know if I would ever decided on actually pursing art if it weren’t for the help of so many of my friends. Old and New. I could’ve probably stayed in a much worse place mentally if it weren’t for them, and all that they’ve helped me through. (whoa is that unintentional poetry?) I guess I could go on about my depression experiences and life struggles, but I’m sure there are much worse stories out there or maybe “its just a phase as you grow up, teens and all that” but, there’s not really a point. However I guess I can talk (and actually get to the point here) about how my “shell” has kept me from... maybe being me, and now maybe I’ve forgotten who “me” is. Maybe its a good thing that I’ve forgotten that old me. I think my shell is a product of a lot of things. Self doubt, Depression, Fear... I think those are the primary parts of my shell. I guess in my more dark times I think at some point those thoughts of “you’re not good enough” and “you don’t deserve all the effort people put in for you” hit me. Then over a course of time those thoughts became numerous and started taking hold of me. The more and more they came the more and more I believed them and the more and more my shell built up.

Being where I am mentally, artistically, and physically today was... a dream that I never thought could happen honestly.

My best/closest friend has been a big changer in my mental state this past year really and how I’ve learned to cope with my shell... maybe even think about breaking out of it.

I’d often (and still do) tell them a number of ideas i have, passions, etc. I’d also share my artwork as they along the line became a great friend and someone I trusted. We got to know each other and we learnt more and more about our day to day experiences... our thoughts... and I guess feelings (not for each other lol not those kinds of feelings) on a much deeper level than most of my friends. (not to say I’m not appreciative of all those other friends!)

I think they saw me and my shell and decided to try and help me out. And that’s probably around the time where we became best/close friends. I had a number of issues and the more and more I spilled them out to him he helped me more and more. I think when he spotted my shell was when I’d often say “maybe” or “never mind” or just doubt my ideas in general. He could see me holding myself back and I think I saw it too but, at the time it was something that had become such a part of me I was scared to even think about it. My “demons” I guess. I made excuses for my feelings and made excuses as to why they were fine, which they weren’t. They would constantly eat at me and I’d often try to defend those feelings as much as I hated them.

I’d call him crying and hardly able to construct sentences going on about how I felt like all I was was a burden and I do nothing but bother everyone, how i’m a disappointment and failure, etc. It was a new thing/ thought every time. He’d help me and give me some good things to think about, mostly questions as to why I feel a certain way, he became a mini therapist for me. I felt AWFUL because it wasn’t his job and I didn’t want to bug him with my constant fretting.

But I guess as friends... helping each other is something you do... I think I always tried to help others but never really expected help myself. Low and behold and... they turned those tables on me. I would always insist on holding my thoughts back and insisting that I was fine. They knew I wasn’t. They insisted time and time again that I tell them what’s wrong. I always felt bad because I know they had their own issues but nonetheless they told me (and still do) that helping me often helps them, and that I don’t need to thank them, (in fact they get a bit mad when I thank them haha) or need to feel bad. (how sweet of them)

We’ve helped each other out and I appreciate them more than I could ever describe.

After so much help and kindness they’ve definitely made a special spot in my heart. I can’t say for certain but I like to think I’ve done the same for them. I over time got better and better and while never really tackling those depressive thoughts and stomping them out for good; I mean there’s not really a way I can, I will feel them from time to time again; I’ve definitely learned to treat myself a little better and learned how to fight off some of those depressive episodes and prevent them. Not the bottling up preventing but... healthy preventing and clean up. They’ve helped me out so much and well here I am today. I don’t have depressive episodes as often, I’ve learned how to kinda fight off those depressive thoughts, and really all there is to do is try and look up for once.

I looked up and for once it was like... I could actually see beyond my restrictions and doubts. Beyond my shell. I have a future and its right there... mine for the taking. I really can be who I want to be. Of course while this shell started out I definitely learned to shut people out and keep trudging forward no matter how much I hurt but... I feel now that I... don’t have to shut people out.

I just need to be me. The real me. Not what the shell convinced me I was.

It was scary, looking up and seeing for the first time in who knows how long. It still is a little scary. And I guess now this is where I am today. I’ve gotten a taste of what it feels like to have your heart touched and how beautiful we can all be. How beautiful we are. How beautiful life is. Not only do I want to keep feeling that, but I want to share or open up that feeling to someone some day. Through my art, through memories, through... living.  I’m Mykal. I’m 16 and want to be an artist, an animator, an illustrator, a creator. I want to live a loving, happy, peaceful life and make tons of memories with people I love. I want to help others feel some glimmer of hope and look up more often. There’s been numerous of artworks that have given me little glimmers of hope or joy. I want to give that out too.

There will be times where I lose sight again, times where I’ll need help getting back on my feet. The shell will always be there, but maybe I can step out of it and look up more often. So here I am, and I’m terrified to step out of the shell. Not a bad terrified, just a... excited terrified. It starts with baby steps though. My first step, out of my shell.

Thank you for reading. <3