#idk how ill feel later but im really proud of this piece

[cascadianights]

How is it

That even in the midst of fire and smoke

I can't stop thinking how the smell of sweetgrass on the breeze reminded me of you

Even when it'd been years since I'd last seen your face.

I can't stop thinking about your warm hands taking mine, teasing out the cold while we lay under the stars.

That was the night I realized how quickly the constellations dance across the sky, Milky Way disappearing behind the distant mountains while I tell you the story of the Pleiades.

I can't stop thinking of the sunsets, and the waves crashing against the rocks. The drives to the edge of town, the late night walks on quiet streets.

But

The other day I didn't hear from you until after you were supposed to be at my place, seeing my garden for the first time in a summer spent among your haunts.

You apologized, instead of doubling down. But. You also didn't show up. You offered to make it up to me, with yet another step into your world. Something I wanted for so long that my hesitation now, as I frown at the field of flowers you have yet to know of me, feels like betrayal.

Campfire smoke wreathed with the smell of your body wash, the feeling of lying on your chest and of kissing your fingers and of you behind me with hands on my hips and mouth on my neck.

The night you didn't show, the sky hummed with heat lightning and far-off thunder as a summer storm blew in from the coast. Rain and fire beat down upon the hills around the valley.

When I woke, the sky was grey again and the sun red. I picked blueberries while old women talked about their daughters sleeping in barns and friends returning to find homes turned to ash.

I think about nights spent over cold meals, waiting for you to show. A Thanksgiving spent alone, watching the sun rise and sink into the hills and waiting for you to call. The fury and insecurity and desperate want to be chosen.

To be enough, without being too much. To communicate clearly enough that it could change your actions. To make you understand. To hear you say you loved me, just once.

The mountains where we used to watch the stars burned this year. The valley is on fire, as is much of southern Canada. The streets in the desert ran with water as a hurricane filled Death Valley.

This is the hottest summer on record, a dozen days over 100. The coldest summer of the rest of my life. "The fires happen every year now, you may as well get used to it."

Is it true that the opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference? They say people never change, even though the entire history of our species has been just that. But cycles repeat, and the earth below my feet is split and cracked and bleeding.

I used to wonder if I was only drawn to you because of the conflict, the tectonic push and pull. But all that came later, when we chose to stop seeing one another. It was addicting, but I'd fallen for the soft look in your eyes and your crooked smile long before that.

I thought it would be so difficult to be around you again, but it's as easy as breathing - only difficult when the haze of uncertainty creeps in, offers to spend time followed by an out or a quick "only if you want to." Only difficult when the time and will slip from you, and the ghost of that 21 year old wracked with pain returns.

We dance around it, but talk all night. We are careful that a touch never lingers, but then you call me at 3am when the rest of the world exhausts you. When I stay over I sleep on the couch, but I stay over often, and my heart twists and turns in my chest when you sing in the morning and in the shower.

It's odd to know someone so intimately and think you may never see them again. The childhood scars, the stories, the way you still feel like you could've made a better impression on their grandmother.

The names of cousins and best friends, god kids and figures around town - who's gone who's in jail, who's doing well who still needs to get their shit together. Their first love. Their favorite places.

We spent 5 years apart before we could talk. I don't want to spend another 5 regretting. I want a future with you, and I'm terrified of a mistep that launches us back into pain and prevents that. I want you, but I don't want my heart broken again.

Ash on the curling leaves, on the bursting blackberries, on the windshield driving to you. Smoke and sage and sweetgrass on the air. The taste of berries and apples sweetened with honey and the ghost of your lips on mine. Sweet and sticky and aching with something undefinable.

[niftukkun]

for the fourth and final week of @/shepscapade 's hermitcraft character design event, i offer an outfit swap between two blonde british minecraft men!

ok so im actually gonna take the opportunity to talk about how i generally design characters but especially mcyt characters. ill get to why grian and philzas designs are the way the are later but i wanna talk about how i design mcyt characters for a hot second. to start with i generally have two big rules when it comes to base character designs! they arent hard rules but i find them generally helpful when designing, again, base designs (so special one off style designs like the ones from this design challenge dont really count).

(1) is one i feel a lot of artists know, especially those in animation and comics - its KISS! aka 'keep it simple, stupid'. easily memorable and memorisable designs are good! more details can be good, especially for rendered pieces, but i find that designs i can easily remember and doodle from memory are the ones that stick and therefore become the base of other designs. the Silhouette Rule is also a good thumb rule, though i tend to be more loose with it - have your characters have one or more. identifiable? bits?? like, yknow, if your characters swap clothes with another what bits tell you this character is this character yknow? like with grian i have the two feather anime hair bits (and dave strider style hair) + four wings and a unique tail! and with philza i gave him antler horn things (because why not its unique ish) and, funnily enough since i dont use facial hair in my designs often his facial hair became a bit of an identifier too! my original character ambrosia has a signature bunny mask, big fwuffy coat, unique hair etc etc things like that!

the (2)nd mcyt design rule i have is literally a personal preference thing - No Humans. again its a personal preference but i. i cant!! theyre not real WHy Do They Have To Be Human!!! they dont!!!!! therefore they are not human. every mcyt if i can get away with it and find a good way to make them Not Human even if its like a simple tail or horns or what have you I Will Make Them Not Human. if they are human (tommy) then it means its like a cool story thing (tommys human) or its temporary until i find a better design (not for tommy) or for the case of Tommy Fuckin Innit idk his Vibes are Too Strong he Cant Not Be Human I DOnt KNow WHY. every character is lowkey on a scale of how many nonhuman features they have - grian with ear wings, four wings + tail, and funky birb legs and occasionally bird hands is on one end of that scale, and funnily enough philza - who by all means is human if not for the antlers (he can take his wings off) is on the other side of that scale. most designs i have are between those, notable exceptions doc who has four legs and a nonhuman face and Fuckin Innit.

now to actual design notes on the characters i drew - first up is grian! he has three sets of wings including his ears. its a personal headcanon that he gains a set of wings for every season of hermitcraft he was in, not including the one hes on now. so he has chicken ear wings (s6, poultry man) parrot wings (s7, pesky bird) and barn owl wings (s8, moon = owl). when the season ends im gonna find a bird thats sufficiently eldritch because with how the season has been going (rocks, entity, rift) it seems fitting. i generally give him glasses because he has them irl and also it fits - though i do tend to forget them because its uncommon in other grian designs and not actually on his mc skin. the tail i originally had as a more,, aquatic one? not that its not one now but like it had the mermaid tail end before. i didnt really like it! it looked cool but i felt like it didnt fit so i looked up more tail fins and chose one that looks vaguely like an axolotls but without the top fin part? if that makes sense. and it fit better and looks better so im proud of it but as is the nature of designs it may change at a later date

for philza i didnt really do anything special. kimono top with a looser bottom cause philza explores a lot, baggy pants and mostly human everything because it surprisingly fits? idk i feel like most phil designs i see lean more on the immortal angel of death thing he has but i feel like its more fitting if hes Just A Guy but hes tenacious enough that he Gains the nonhuman parts. the wings especially - a lot of people add those in by default but actually i feel like its more fitting if he only gets wings when he has an elytra! so on q/smp for example he doesnt have wings (even if he said theyre clipped that one time im a philza has no default wings truther he gets those by elytra and hes so good at them through practice you cannot change my mind). also in addition to the wings the elytra also gives him the coat poncho thing that i drew on grian because why not. also hardcore heart necklace!! hell yeah.

[anna-scribbles]

i was tagged by @ponpasta, a fact which nearly made me go into cardiac arrest bc pon is one of my favorite artists on this site and also the real actual creator of connie maheswaran <333 luh u <3

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

1. steven getting taken off cash register duty  (i’m just gonna include 1 panel from long comics)

I had to include one of my gf/su crossover things (even tho they’re from before I rly knew how to use procreate lol) bc thats the original anna-scribbles brand babey!! this comic is probably my favorite one from that series just bc it still makes me laugh and I love making steven stupid <3

2. prettiest boy in paris

this one isn’t particularly good from like an Artistic Standpoint but I just think i rly captured the essence of adrien with these. like. thats just a little boy. hes pretty and full of love. yeah

3. summer nights 

I like the colors and the vibe of this one a lot!! it feels very peaceful and casual which is something these kids don’t get a lot so I like to give it to them. I drew this before I knew how to color in procreate so I was v proud of the colors back then and i’m less proud now but ik I worked a long time on it so i’m still a little proud

4. just some stevens 

I like these a LOTTTT esp the top middle steven, I think he looks really steven-y. I had a lot of fun playing with different kinds of warm & cool lighting, and experimenting with different not-okay steven facial expressions. also I drew lion which I never do bc lions are hard to draw but I like how it came out. & the way he’s nuzzling steven’s neck turned out exactly how I wanted!!ok im done 

5. at comm

this was my first Big Commission!! I worked on it for many hours and I was very proud of how close to the original adventure time style I was able to get the characters. I showed it to my dad and he said he liked it :)

6. tell me something

this commission I love a whole lot!!! it’s a scene from one of my favorite fics EVER, tell me something (I don’t know) by @chatnoirinette​. idk if u can tell but the real star of this piece is the railing on marinette’s balcony bc that took SO LONG to draw. but i also like the expressions and the lighting and how glowy chat’s eyes are 

7. obvious animatic 

baby’s first animatic!!! ive been wanting to make an animatic since I was like 15  so I finally sat down and did it and I actually love it a lot. I think it’s rly expressive and fun to watch and I enjoyed testing how many sparkles I could put in adrien’s eyes until he ran out of pupil 

8. ladrien christmas 

this is my most recent full piece (for @mlsecretsanta​) so I actually kind of DO know how to color in procreate in this one!! I almost never do backgrounds but I tried one in this and I like how it turned out. also I love how glowy the little light strands are and i’m just a sucker for ladrien in general so all around it makes me happy to look at 

ill probably make a sappy post later abt how much fun being on tumblr has been for me this year but this post is already too long so we’ll save it lol 

I tag @sabertoothwalrus​ @spooksier​ @chatnoirinette​ @marikittynoir​ @ladybuginettes​ @peachcitt​ @tizzymcwizzy​ @rosekasa​ @jattendschaton​

no obligation obviously!! I just love all of your work sm <3

[godsofthecatz]

I- Sits here- i always give my self more XD I dont know why but i like the idea of Ping having White hair...and it just kinda spiraled out of control and i dont know if we would talk about how much glitter? i put into Pings outfit...

ANYWAY- Villain Ping?- Ping being raised by Macaque instead of Lin?- “Who is this sassy lost child? Adult?” meme?Are Jin/Yin be like brothers now because i thought it would be funny and kinda cute?-... lot of things are goin through the mind right now dont judge me asdfghjk-  ill put more here because why not i guess? *warning its gonna be a bbbbiiit long*

-The reason why “starlight” is up there with Ping’s name is because Macaque calls him that..and Yin/Jin liked it so they also started calling him that,Even though Ping is still his actual name.

-In this AU Macaque finds out about his son a lot lot sooner and decides “hhmm what if i just raise and train this child and if im lucky- They will be of use to me later on as a weapon” Yes- Macaque is gonna be a bad father and no i dont know what im going to do with this information im giving my self-

-Ping is definitely not as much of a bundle of joy as we(who ever besides me reads this) knows him as,He is a lot more serious and sassy but he still has a bit of his softer side left..He just wants to make dad proud...

-idk who im answering but “yes” The only sort of friends/family to him right now are Macaque,Yin and Jin its sort of all he ever grew up with But Jin and Yin have been very..oddly nice brothers to him.

-Pings weapon is a war fan witch i sorta had in mind for it to have the same design as it does in the pictures? they just get sharper with his power. I- also had a small idea of “what if the magic lantern also tho?”

-I know i have not touched his powers on the original story,But ill touch/add it here cause ill also eventually add it/draw it to the og/AU story..Ping does have all of his fathers powers and it was going to be a problem in the og one due to him never having experience with it or fighting so it would put stress on his body trying to learning it so suddenly,So in this one he does not need to worry about that any more because Macaque taught him as soon as he could.

-Because..Macaque puts so much pressure and sorta puts his life into Pings..When Ping actually meets MK its sorta a “History repeats its self” because Ping kinda sees MK as Macaque sees Wu Kong- and feels really..Upset that MK is so lucky that he has so many people who are there for him..But the idea of being MK’s friend has crossed his mind a few times-...

-Ping does have his Six ears a lot earlier...and idk- maybe cause the hunger for some angst is a bit strong- i had the idea of not only can he hear the past/present/future he can also hear bits and pieces from his “Other lifes” (other AU’s/including the og one) basically of witch i may never make who knows-) and haha...its another thing he can get upset about- wowwee...

HAHA SO ANYWAY-  HAVE A COOL COMMISSION I GOT FOR YOUR TROUBLES- CAUSE THOUGHT MY SON LOOKS COOL <3

https://twitter.com/Buck0roro

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[autisticstarseed]

if u could, perhaps, bless us with all the applicable symbols from that fic ask for hvh 👀

ooOoOOOoOO Rub s gay hands togehter omg ty friend 😍;;;;;;

💡 - What was the motivation behind the story?

hHH i hadnt written in 10+ years so when i latched onto this plot idea i just thought itd be a good time to jump the shark and try it again !! i just wanted smth really edgy and depthful bc im emo and the rest kind of snowballed

💎- What was your favorite part?

osdlfksd;lf it’s hard to pick a fav but the drunk scene was definitely the most fun to write at least

⛰️-  What was the hardest part?

THE SCENE WHERE THE GANG IS KIDNAPPED BY ENKI,,,, i debated toning down the violence but in the end i knew where the story was going (and where its still going) and that its gonNA be kinda dark so why hold back now ig

🎭- What was the feeling or mood you were going for?

BITTERSWEET AF,,, sort of just treading the line of ‘hopeful’ and ‘hopeless’ at all times to fully portray the feeling of being at your lowest, but with that classic tss ‘silver linings just around the corner’ kind of undertone

🏟️- Who was your intended audience?

mostly all the adults that watched tss as a kid and felt like spirituaLLY MOVED BY IT cuz i really tried to tap into that Emotion Tee Em we all felt when we found out that zak was [redacted]

🔬- Was there one scene you were building up to/knew you had to get just right?

hHH theres actually a LOT of scenes like that and i think a lot of my general motivation to keep going comes from that ‘WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT’ vibe slkdf:SDF but the Plot Twist tm in the latest chapter was definitely a big’n, and theres a few more of those still to come :^)

🗝️ - What were you thinking when you wrote it?

kjdjFSDs:DF tbh whenever i start really writing, [’im shifting into soup mode’ seinfeld meme voice] im shifting into maladaptive daydreaming mode

🎥- Were there any tv shows, books, or movies that influenced this verse, if any?

:^) devilman crybaby pls forgive me for everytHing

📈- Was there a clear character arch you wanted____ character to go on?

i actually have a short list of what i somewhat consider to be the story arcs in my notes !! mostly just for organization and obvs i wont list the future ones but so far we’ve seen the kushtaka arc, the enki arc, and now we’re in what i call ‘the annunaki’ arc.

🎢- Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

ALL OF IT JSHDJSKD, but again a lot of the enki scenes i was worried would be too edgy TM, and the whole annunaki plot as well i was worried might be too ‘out there’ for ppl, but it takes the story exactly where i always wanted it and lines everything up perfectly so i went for it lol. i was also ofc worried if people would like ila or not bc oc but most ppl love her actually which is so 😭❤️

☠️- Did you consider killing off any of the characters? Did you?

8^) [mickey mouse voice] this is a surprise tool that will help us later ,

✉️- Did you title your chapters? What title do you like best?

yes! the next one actually has my favorite chapter title yet, but so far i like ‘so strikes the harpoon’ since its a throwback to the first couple chapters

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

o every single paragraph is an overly thought out middle school poem im entering in the talent show actually

🎵- Did you have a playlist/piece of music that went with this story?

Yes !! i have HVH insp part 1, Part 2, and an extra one for all those songs that have the vibes but just dont fit enough to make sense in a playlist

📜-Do you want to write something like this again in the future?

probably ! ive learned i definitely like the edgy/darker and emotionally driven stories with ongoing plot, so that trend will almost definitely continue. idk if ill write a dystopia again anytime soon, but i think my future stuff will at least retain that long and heavy vibe

💁- Did readers influence/change any part of this story?

oh yEA like basically i was ready to quit after the very first chapter before it was even written and kinda just got it all out on a whim of motivation but was expecting to flake on it like i tend to do with projects, but the invested response to it was just so uplifting that its what ive been riding on all ten chapters and im so grateful for it :’)))

✏️-Would you go back and change anything if you could?

hHHHHHHH yes and ok this is terrible but i actually tend to avoid re-reading my older chapters until i hAVe to bc i suffer from that sO much ,,, , its just little things like tiny words i wanna change or bits i wanna take out/put in and once or twice ive even caught a mistake or plot hole/smth i forgot to add that i rly do have to go back and edit and i just turn to dust every tim e

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

i really liked the northern lights scene!! it was meant to be a pivotal moment of that ‘bittersweetness’ vibe i was talking abt and it was another one of those scenes i had been planning for a while;;;

“ I think of how much the rest of the family would love this. This isn’t like the moon and the sun, where I can see it and know that even if it looks different, they’ll see the same one soon enough, wherever they are. This reminds me only that I am not with them. It stings. It seems unnatural for something so gentle and natural to appear before us as if we aren’t in complete, total fucking chaos. After all we’ve been through, and the sky still dances. “

📣-What was the best piece of encouragement you got?

AVERY ALL OF UR LIVEBL OGS AND COMMENTS GIV ME SUCH L I FE, ,, ,, CRYIGN CAT FA ce

🔦-Did you learn anything while writing it? About yourself? Writing?

isdfhSDF YEs, part of my hesitation to write came from this thing where i always just assumed there was a wildly high standard of writing in fandom spaces like in original literature spaces, where you had to have like 10+ sentences to a paragraph and you had to describe every tiny detail of a setting and you had to follow every single grammar rule or it was unreadable but like. genuinely its like sculpting with words as long as you have a shape ppl get the idea which is such a weight off my shoulders lol, its still a lot of work but so much fun to know i can to an extent do what i want and ppl actually like it like that. i also learned that like most other writers i have to cause my favs emotional and physical pain,

🎁- Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this?

hhHHHH 1. please do it its so fun just give in to the edge my guy , 2. try to get comfortable re-reading your chapters, for me its like when ppl listen to themselves sing/act but im trying to do better bc its so much more consistent when i keep it fresh in my mind and it also boosts confidence when u can pick out the things u like instead of the things u dont, 3. trying to have at least one scene in mind for each chapter that ur excited to write so u can have motivation to update faster! for me it doesnt have to be smth i think would excite the audience either like it could be the most basic thing but just having an idea of it and knowing i want to see it come to life rly helps me stay on top of it all

TY SM FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN x x )

[burnedbyshoto]

I wanna start a blog where I write any advice?? I’m lost I don’t know what to dooo please HELP

oh my… you’re coming to me??? for help????? i just… okay…

um

so, as you may or may not know i had started writing for shouto since about… march last year but it was an OC, and then i finally built up the courage to submit my writings for people to read here… also i didnt proofread any of this im waaaay too tired but i wanted to put this out asap for you!!!!!!

this is what i did!:

i created a whole new blog tbh. my old blog is hella old and i never really did anything on it except like literally everything, so if youre curious about what it is youll be disappointed because i haven’t reblogged anything on there in 4 years. i know, i was a terrible supporter of writers and artists back then!!!!!!

created an account with the name burnedbyshouto hated the way the u ruined the symmetry of the title so i made it burnedbyshoto! LMAO if you were curious about that. i went in knowing that i what i was gonna write!

before i created the blog i actually had my first piece ready, idk if you read it but its Watermelon Seeds and Strawberry Milk. that was my first piece and let me tell you i almost cried when i uploaded it. i didnt get a single note on it until 3 days later. now that was the scariest thing ever.

i didnt go looking for help, and i certainly didnt have a single tumblr friend. so i had to wait for my post to show up on the tags! turns out it didnt show up for 3 days!!!!! so if you get around to starting this blog, and would like me to read it ;) ill gladly give you exposure!! because i get it, that first piece is the hardest thing to upload. i was panicking to the point i was nauseous those entire 3 days when i wasn’t getting any attention from it because i thought it meant i was a failure at writing! so you have to be patient and be confident!!!! by day 4 my post had hit 20 likes and i literally messaged everyone who liked that first post because it was world changing to me. i honestly cried as i sent out my thank you’s and those first few likers and followers i remember their urls and im positive im following them all because they’re the ones who got me to say “maybe… my writings aren’t as bad as i thought!”

spurred into action by this new found courage i began working on ideas. i had two at the time, both for shouto (of course). and i got my first ask by ashtheteenagewitch (i wont tag her because i dont want to disturb her, but her ask changed my life). it was the childhood friends to lovers troupe, and it was the first post i made that hit over 100 likes. i sobbed when it broke 100. 

so it kinda,,,, snowballed from there. i started a schedule. i post once a day around 12 pm - 4 pm PST idk if any of you noticed that LOL. i tried going between original content and asks, something ive been lacking clearly on nowadays because i have so many requests! dont get me wrong, i love all the requests that come my way but i havent had time in awhile to write something that comes from me.  but again im not as creative as my requesters, love every single one of you requesters btw. you save me a lot of headaches and pain.

i made sure to create a rules list, and a masterlist soon after, and then i started getting attention i guess. since i primarily stayed within shouto in the beginning and i posted once a day when other writers are focused on other posts i must have gotten the “i just want new content” people liking my posts LOL

i dont know… i can’t say for certain what the trick is to all this…

you just… have got to be confident in yourself!

do what you love to do and your followers and readers will see that. pour your heart into it so that way no one can say it was for naught. never be discouraged, like i almost was, by lack of notes. because guess what! if youre happy writing, theres nothing else that matters!!!! nowadays i don’t even look at my notes because im proud of everything i put out.

im happy about every single one of the things i put out, my only fear is that the requester wont like it, but so far i haven’t heard back from too many of those anons… since theyre anon and wont be informed i finally got to their ask…. but yeah. 

write and post because YOU LOVE TO DO IT stop caring about stupid things like followers, likes, reblogs, and replies. i mean theyre great, i love every follower i get, i smile knowing i made a bunch of people happy, and i cry with every reblog i get. but getting that first like is all i need to be happy. nothing more. 

the final advice i can give to you is just,,, never compare your writing with other authors and writers. everyone has their own style! don’t get me wrong i can tag so many writers that i admire who all have different ways of writing that i wish i had, but the thing is no matter how much i wish i had their writing, i have to live with mine and i love my style even though i feel that it on the blander side of things! you also can never compare your number of notes to other people LOL of course the super incredible authors of our fandom are going to have 1,924 notes on their 1.7k scenario. why? because they first and foremost have the followers to get that amount and then people who may not follow them can still see it on the popular and read it and like it, or whatever they may do. i currently have like 650 followers so of course im not expecting 1.9k notes on anything im putting out! i mean my first piece had 20 notes for the entire month of august and now im pretty sure its at 100. its all about giving it time and patience.

just write bby and someone will love you for it!!!!!!

[galaxylohnce]

VUD paladin headcanons!!!!

BTW this is based off of @voltronuniversaldefender ‘s reboot!!! CHECK THEM OUT THEYRE DOING GOD’S WORK

also i have read approx 2 headcanons and baRELY understand this AU so if there are similarities to anyone else or inconsistencies iT IS AN ACCIDENT AND IM SORRY

anyway this is just about the 4 confirmed paladins BET ill be doing more about Fa’rah/Takashi/Zahi/Ashanti once i know a bit more about their roles in the team!!

Alvaro Garcia Valladares

he has a twin. i don't make the rules, but he has a twin.

he has a big family. the biggest family. we’re talking, his mom has 8 siblings and his dad has 9 and there’s a 10 year age gap between him and his oldest sibling and he loves them all so much

natia is his best friend. i repeat, NATIA IS HIS BEST FRIEND!!!!

he’s also quite close with kiki. Natia and Kiki are the only two that he met before their great space adventure

he wasn't really sure of his sexuality at first. (i say this because i wasn't sure of my sexuality at first - im bi btw - and all the media i saw told me that any lgbt+ character was 100% sure of their sexuality form the day they were born, which made me doubt myself bc i didn't figure it out till recently, so i wanna see that in some media!! sometime!!) he probably figured it out halfway through having a crush on someone

the someone is akio, and he definitely tells Natia about it first

“natia... natia listen.... I have a crush on akio. freakin akio.... what do i do??? I’m bi, natia... I'm bi. what does this mean -”

“alvaro, I'm so proud of you, but this is a public bathroom and akio is right outside -”

GUARANTEE that the first time he saw Akio he just basically wanted to fight him but also flirt with him and had a slight moral crisis and ended up doing nothing

he is a goddamn sharpshooter, okay. he straight up becomes famous for it throughout the galaxy.

yet despite that he’s still insecure, and those insecurities prevent him from really getting together w akio until much later

he comes off as very suave and extroverted when you first meet him, but underneath it all, he’s actually really warm, personable and funny: not that anyone outside the team know that 

aliens on social media, probably: god, the blue paladin is so cool... i bet he’s amazing and awesome and eloquent...

meanwhile, alvaro: do u guys think i could fit my whole hand in my mouth or nah?

enjoys memes, and shares this love with kiki

basically an all around great guy. because he often felt like a seventh wheel at the beginning of the formation of the team, he always tries to include everybody as best as possible, going way out of his way to ask after people, even if they forget to ask about him sometimes :’)

Natia Nanai

first off: what a gorgeous name. seriously. incredible kudos, my dude. anyway on to the head canons for this gorgeous girl

probably alvaro’s soulmate. already mentioned this, but it needs reiteration. they are best friends

had a large family too (not as big as alvaros tho) and probably major relate to him with that big family dealio

v close with kiki. they complete each other on a technological level. 

natia is very, very creative. she and her sweet engineering know how are always instrumental in getting the Team out of tough situations

Akio: theres no way out of this we’re going to die -

Natia: bet?

she does say “bet” a lot. like, almost too much? but she's always right and valid when she says it

the villain: i’ve got you now!!!!

natia, under her breath: bet

the paladins, thinking: thank god, we’re saved

very soft but also badass as hell. she has a unique duality.

pulls a violet baudelaire: she puts that GORGEOUS hair up in a ponytail when doing work or whenever she has an idea

everyone on the team, regardless of sexuality, is low-key in love with her because she’s just so nice. no one can hate her. she's way too solid of a friend

speakinG of being a great friend: natia is 100% the secret keeper up in this bitch. everyone comes to her because they know she’s got the best advice around and will take their secrets to the grave

akio: idk man... alvaro is just rlly cute, u know?? but i can't tell him...

natia, thinking of alvaro literally whining to her about akio not even five minutes ago: christ

the mom friend. she always has all the things everyone needs on hand or in her lion, and she’s got it all going in terms of chore charts and family meals. she is the queen of figuring out times for team bonding and everyone loves her more for it

definitely started a board game night asap

she has a silent bravery about her that no one else can match. despite her trepidation, natia will always do what has to be done for the greater good. 

she is guided by her heart and her morals, and is easily the kindest person on the team

bc of this kindness, she is often the diplomat when conflicts arise between people on the team

she is seen by the general public (aka the galaxy) as a strong, morally righteous woman. kind of like rosie the riveter-esque??? she’s the symbol of justice and fairness. 

aliens: she's so... peacekeeping :0

natia, at kiki: throw me that wrench, or so help me god - 

basically, a queen who always considers everyone and works really hard to create a family, even when they're all so far from home :’)

Kiki Evans

generally over it tbh

“always tired, but always inspired” - kiki, on being asked why there were dark circles under her eyes

kind of standoffish. she’s not really about being nice, she's about getting the job done, and that can rub people the wrong way, since she is always the first to offer up the cold, logical solution

but underneath that, she’s just a computer science nerd who is loyal to a fault

she really is loyal. its almost dangerous sometimes, because she would put the universe in danger to save her friends, which actually comes into conflict with her typical cold, logical approach.

she has 0-1 sibling. she's every bit the single child. she cannot relate to living in a big family setting, and at first its hard for her to deal with before she warms up to everyone else on the team

she's a genius, and thus found school to be tedious. in fact, she got fairly bad grades, as she wouldn't do the work that she saw as pointless and boring

she is a meme connoisseur, and loves to quote vines, often assisted by alvaro

kiki, as they approach a giant black hole: HZZK

alvaro, catching on immediately: is... is that real???

she is a conspiracy theorist, for sure. the government is watching us all, trying to make sure we don't learn too much.... she’s sure of it, and akio is too

tbh, the first proper conversation she had with akio was about cryptids and how the government had hidden them from the public

she was friends w natia and alvaro from before, but it is akio she becomes closest with the fastest. in some ways, she feels more distant from natia/alvaro bc of how close they are with each other and  bc all of them have known each other for so long while akio is someone she got to know recently: he has no preconceptions about who she used to be, and she has none about him

plus, she and akio relate on many levels: both trans, both gay, both autistic, both theorists, and both loyal to a fault. she finds a real blood brother in akio :D

very openly gay. very. she's a space lesbian, and theres no denying it

kiki, meeting some random space girl: oh

kiki, moments later to akio: god I'm gay

akio, downing a glass of water but acting like its vodka or smthg: god, same

the public sees her as the cold and calculating techie, the brains of the operation

natia is her partner in crime. they finish each others sentences. they've got a tech connection going, babey

kiki: if we just cross-reference the zaiforge tunnel with the -

natia, nodding: particle consummator, of course we’ll get the perfect -

them, together: amount of energy!!!

everyone else: sorry wot

basically, she's a tech goddess with a splash of genius. she's uneasy and a bit awkward, but thats just bc she’s never been in a situation like this before. after literally 1 second with her, she opens up and is such a loyal friend. :’)

Akio Himura

wow this boy is gay and he knows it

he loves his parents (zahi, takashi, and ashanti) but god he will never admit it. not ever

alvaro, after listing his parents, 20 aunts and 100 cousins: and i love them all so much, with all my heart. what about ur family akio?

akio, not wanting to show weakness: they're nerds.

alvaro: um okay cool good talk haha :)

akio, internally: but i love them nd would die for them tbh... but i can't show weakness

he's so guarded after his biological parents left/died/disappeared. poor boy

definitely a single child, and definitely adopted

his parents love him SO MUCH. so much.

akio: why do i have three parents, dad?

takashi, almost crying: its simple. u deserve so much love, that it couldn't be contained in just two people. we needed three. its how its gotta be, my beautiful, sweet summer child

a yeehaw kind of guy. he grew up in the midwest riding horses before his biological parents died and theres a piece of him that will always be a southern boy

the kind of kid in school that pretends he’s a delinquent, but actually just has the aesthetic of a delinquent, and is truly soft

akio: hell yeah I'm a rebel. i logged onto disney.com without my parents permission

kiki, choked up: so brave

mothman is his love. his passion. all cryptids, for that matter. kiki is more of an all around conspiracy theorist: akio is in it for the cryptids 

he’s a bit awkward, and doesn’t totally understand all social cues/jokes. because of this, he stays away from memes, and is very guarded when meeting new people, especially after experiences with light bullying for not only his social ineptitude, but his upbringing.

considering that, his first meeting with alvaro was supremely awkward, and akio accidentally fought with him multiple times before they established a solid friendship

akio, having a gay panic: you are the light of my life

alvaro: sorry what??

akio, panicking more: I said, you wanna fiGHT WITH A KNIFE???

he pined after alvaro from basically day one, but had the foresight to actually know that he was pining, unlike alvaro who just floundered

of course he would never say anything

he is a stabby boi. he is unrivaled in swordplay, and enjoys routine. his natural affinity for picking up new skills plus his unrivaled work ethic basically DESTROYED everyone else when it came to swords

he’s loyal af and is always the first one to take action. akio is a “do something. do anything, but do it fast before we lose a chance to do something” kind of guy

the general public sees him as the fiery one: he’s the one with the fanciest footwork in a fight, and he’s very good with battle tactics. he can come thru with that strategy at the perfect times

he's a low-key emo. for sure. he loves MCR, but strangely dislikes other similar artists like p!atd and fob. 

kiki: but...brendon urie, akio....

akio, sipping tea: as a gay, i can appreciate the aesthetic. but no one can compete with MCR

kiki, exasperated: its not a competition -

basically, a slightly guarded boy with a real talent for defending the universe and his friends, but also an emo cowboy mess who is in love with alvaro and loves everyone :’)

WELL THAT ENDED UP LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. I HOPE U ENJOY AAAA

ALSO FOLLOW @voltronuniversaldefender !!!! its amazing, guys, really check it out :D

[kkimingyu]

11 question yo!

In which you answer previous person’s questions and then make up questions for the next people you tag

ok i love doing these like youll probably be like i just posted this how is it that someones already done it but i love it sooo!! thank you cat!!! @softlysweetlystan for tagging me!!

1. Which song(s) full captivate your aesthetic or personality?

uhh i dont really know tbh probably somewhere between the beach boys wouldnt it be nice and freeez iou 

2. Give me a playlist of your favourite songs

whenever people ask me what my favourite songs are i always have a mind blank so probably after i post this ill be like damn i forgot that one really good song! but for now... the marias i dont know you, wonder girls i feel you, ok but the cardcaptor sakura ending i think its called groovy? its so good, literally any song by chic theyre all good, beach boys i get around, day6 how can i say and uhhh this remix of lip and hip by hyuna, the original is gold too

3. If you were given a chance to spend a day with an idol or celebrity, who would you choose and where would you go?

id probably pick jae from day6 because??? hes so funny like i feel hed be a lot of fun to hang out with and idk where id go maybe just walk around oh!! but omg can you imagine doing one of them escape the room things with day6 thatd be so much fun haha

4. Describe yourself in only three words

boring, sleeps sometimes

5. How do you relax?

tbh i never really get stressed like so i feel like anything i do is sort of me relaxing but i really like just lying in my bed listening to music on my phone with my lamp on at night its just uuugh such good vibes 

6. How did you get into kpop?

well it all started when i heard oh! by snsd and i was like wow these girls are so pretty and i love that dance!!! and i was like 9 or smth i have no clue but i was young so i fell in love with snsd and for ages that was the only kpop group i listened to but then!! a few years later i saw a clip of the speed dont tease me choreo on tumblr and i was like holy shit thats cool which then led to me finding a video of bts dancing to their song and so i ended up getting into bts, then got7 then exo. then i went off kpop for a bit and i returned in july and fell in love with svt and a ton of other groups

7. Any book recs? Movie recs? Recs in general?

Well i cant remember the last time i read a book which is really bad actually i need to start reading more again ( i read a book last summer, that was the last time i do remember actually) oh!! but i watched hidden figures the other week and it was really good and although it wasnt sad i cried at the end lmao i was just so proud of those women like they did that!! they really did that! ok this is a kids movie but i actually really like it so whatever its called oliver and company and its got good music o shit actually whilst im at it treasure planet is a really good movie too

8. What type of genre would your life be? Rom-com, coming-to-age, thriller, etc.?

i have no idea but probably some dumb comedy that nobody likes

9. Favourite piece of clothing?

i have this sweatshirt which is like sunflower yellow and has flowers on the back and its my absolute favourite but ive lost and and now im sad )-: its very big and soft inside

10. Would you rather time travel to the future or time travel to the past?

id probably rather go back to the past... like i dont know im not sure exactly where though like idk id probably tell my grandpa to make sure we all know italian lmao,  thats smth ive always wanted to do as lame as it sounds because everytime im like oh im italian people are like oh but you dont speak it and im like (^: yep

11. What is one thing on your bucket list?

god uh i dont know im so young this isnt something i think about lmao maybe ummm oh id like to go to a day6 concert, thats not usually the kind of stuff people put on their bucket list right?? but its something i want to experience 

sorry all my answer suck lol im a boring person

heres my questions: 

1. Favourite nontile track song?

2. What’s your favourite memory?

3. If you could only listen to three songs for the rest of your life which three would you pick?

4. What is the first thing you notice about someone?

5. What’s your favourite music video?

6. Is there any new music artist you discovered in 2017 that you really like?

7. What’s your most favourite thing you’ve ever reblogged?

8. Favourite hairstyle your bias has had?

9. If you could suddenly be fluent in a language which one would you pick and why?

10. What’s your favourite stage/performance that a group or solo artist has done?

11. Have you got any pets? Tell me about them! or if not any pets you wish you had?

how many people am i supposed to tag? idk but you obviously dont have to do it if you get tagged and dont want to so dw!!

@lowkeythe8 @22woozi @ssoftgyu @velvetchen @sleepyljihoon @jisew @wonnwoo @jeonghangyu @velvetcarat @lovjeon @berrryhao @atomicwoozi @yeahwxnwoo @blusyd

[progressivleythin]

whos to blame

whos to blame for the reasons you drink

me

whos to blame for the reasons youve screamed about how you hate her

it was me i was once again the reason.

i dont want to keep going, i want to end it so bad but ive people i wanna see

you tell me im being dilusioinal but i remember seeing you threaten to leave this house if i keep doing that

i was simply laying down by my dad at the time. simply laying down smiling,,happy

shes a child mom my sister yelled i watched from the top of the stairs wondering what was happening. i was four or five

at 13 i witnessed or heard persay my dad finally beat you in front of me. you threw his phone you were both drunk so i was scared to call 911 as id have to live with his mom.

at 14 i realized my dad was a piece of shit but you mom, you stayed golden to me because you were on my side most

still. at 14 my dad punched me for the first time while screaming about how disrespectful id been to him i was simply walking away from him to keep from bursting into tears. he came two days later apologizing saying he cried at work about hitting me.

nearing the end of age 14 you had a fight with him. he was gonna leave and i didnt mind ive been wanting him to since i was around nine maybe?

he kept slamming doors and id chosen to mock him out of anger. bad choice as itd lead to your constant wish for death sofia. “you know what!? shut the fuck up sofia, its your fault its all because of you that me and your mom are always fucked up. if you werent here wed be fine but you and your fucking ungrateful ass keep getting in the way. im fighting it right now but you dont know how much i wish i could beat your ass right now for what YOU did to us”

thats when it clicked..youve never cared about me all along. and my fear of my dad peaked that day and my suicidal thoughts took control i relapsed that day after nearly two years clean! are you proud? you were both drunk and he admitted to his thoughts of abuse to me while you hid away in your bathroom “cleaning” to which i found out meant doing cocaine and smoking weed. i sat completely straight faced listening to him say that and worse trying to shw i wasnt weak but that one tear left my eye and i knew it was over im never gonna be stronger than the fucking hate from my “parents”. that night i tried suffocating myself before bed because i thought itd be better if i was gone.

at fourteen years old you led me to my first suicide attempt,or second if you consider the time i took four ibuprofen pills “because of my headache”.

im fifteen now and nearly cried tonight on the way home because you screamed fuck you to dad and i was scared hed hit you or me in front of the baby. or maybe hed decide to turn into oncoming traffic and end us all. that fears only been growing since and its only been four hours maybe? i nearly cried in front of you both because the baby knew what happened and wanted to cry too.

thank you parents! for showing your child how happy you are to have them in your life.

to anyone currently reading this ive only listed some of the worst. im not abused im not treated as a slave im simply treated as a human im happy when im not around them but im ok i have my older siblings to save me if times get rough.

to my mom if you ever find this i wanna say fuck you but i fucking care about you too much to mean it. i constantly think youre there for me but its because ive tried to forget the moments youve said bad about me.

and my dad i have nothing i want to say to you. no thank yous none at all not even a fuck you because itd mean i care enough to waste my breath. you try but i wont let you back in no matter what.

to my brother.. the only one whos helped me most i truly love you more than my own life! id take anybullet for you okay? youve been more of a parent to me than mom and dad and i thank you more than anything for that i love you so much so so so much franco too. i havent ended my life because of you and im truly grateful for you youre my angel and i cant live without you were both pretty broken after all. i hope you find yourself soon and i find my happy soon. i really really do love you okay? you shaped me into most of the person i am now and i cant imagine not having you. id probably be dead because you know how to make me feel happy. im crying most while writing to you because its true i cant be unhappy with you. thank you so much brother so much youre an angel with your own problems and you still take time to listen to me angrily rant about mom and dad.

to franco. youre three ive known you for a while and im glad i can. im also staying alive for you i want you to remember me as a great older sister rather than an aunt. youre like my little angel too..one that bothers me enough to get out of my room or enough to laugh genuinely inlove you and your dad so so so so so much youre both the light of my life im so truly grateful for youre presence in my life

to my sister. were not as close as sisters should be. im closer with my brother but i have amazing memories with you i hope we have more dude. ive had some deep convos with you maybe not like my brother and me but enough to know how your relationship is and im glad you trust me with that info. i love you so so so so so much too i hope you have an amazing future. i hope we get closer soon otherwise idk who ill come out to first

to my closest cousins. im sorry most of you didnt find this out sooner im sorry for being so awkward with every interaction we have for constantly fucking things up. i feel like an annoyance constantly so thank you for putting up with my shit.

my internet friends ive never met any of you but thanks to you guys too even the most recent ones :) some of you really listen and helped me through some dark shit.

to anna, the first person id ever r e a l l y dated. weve never met and we dated and yeah it didnt seem like it but it feels nice saying i have dated someone even if it was barely anything physical. you truly have heard my nearly darkest thoughts ive kept most because i dont wanna be a burden. you fit with the lil gaurdisn angel group too, youve helped me alot and were both pretty fucking fucked up people. idk what my life would be with out you. you mean alot to me maybe not as much as my brother as he has the highest “score” so far but its near that.

to keana and amaya. im fucking sorry for constantly speaking about my fucking weight to you guys especially you amaya youre so fucking young and ive already shown you eating disorders i hope you never have these thoughts. keana i feel the same i gotta get annoying to you at some point im sorry

to past me this is your “rough draft” maybe? for a suicide note. im not killing myself i just wanna get it out.

once again to my brother your tribute made me cry most dont tell me i dont care for you. you mean so much to me youre really keeping me alive by alot okay? keep it up big bro please i cant do this without you i know youre as broken as me somewhere youre doing great and youre gonna make it i hope i do too.

10.06.17

[heyitscmei]

Sheith Meme!

tagged by @inkfishie

What is your favorite Sheith fanart?:

hmmmm thats a really tough one because theirs a ton on of really good art everywhere i think if i had to choose some absolute favourites itd be this , this and this from maccalon’s flowershop au

and this and this by noct (but i wont lie i adore all of their sheith art)

theres tons of others but this is already five fanarts vs just one so

What is your favorite Sheith headcanon?:

but there are so many! hmm i really love the headcanon that shiro and keith know each other extremely well the idea that they have such a good feel for the other and understand each other so well that they can communicate without always having to talk and they cant lie to each other because the other can always tell i also like the headcanons that they can be somewhat tactile with eachother

also the headcanon where they joke around a lot together when its just the two of them inside jokes and just understanding each others humour

What is your favorite Sheith fanfiction?:

also a hard one ive read just about all the fics in the tag save for a few exceptions and there are just so many good ones its tough to choose ones i always ALWAYs recommend to people tho are:

the whole town’s sleeping and region of the summer stars by astrainclinant these two are some of my absolute favourites i cant tell you how many times ive reread them because ive reread them so much i dont even know

into warmer air by CarrionFlower this ones still in progress but i always find myself rereading the current chapters when im having a bad day or when i just feel like it (which is often)

the fics in the Constant Satellite series and The Human Touch by inkfishie these are fics ive read and reread and often remember fondly i could talk about why i love them but consequently, i would never shut up

everything by ShirosRedKnight i dont know what to tell you, there are so many good fics by them that i cant even pick which ones i like best just read all of them i reread constantly

whatever you wish for, you keep by desastrista this one is so lighthearted and cute i dont know what to do with myself

The Crashing Down series by snofeey 

Believe Me, For a Little While by unalignedant im so weak for keith angst and this delivered

ill stop myself here because this is slowly becoming a fic rec post (maybe ill just make a proper one later lmao) but these are some that i absolutely adore and find myself rereading often

What is your favorite canon Sheith interaction?:

all of them but if i had to pick a few i love every shoulder touch, expecially the one outside keiths shack “its good to have you back” “its good to be back”

and the hug from season 2 no words, just action but it spoke so loud

Which specific piece of content (a fanart, fanfiction, headcanon, etc.) are you most proud of creating?:

im pretty proud of all of them, i guess but art wise, i think im really happy about that christmas art i did right now i worked really hard on it and i was really happy that it turned out better than id anticipated fic wise im proud of my sheith week unlimited series of fics as a whole i got so much positive feedback and it really meant a lot to me that people genuinely enjoyed them

Write in or link to your answers, then tag 3 others in the fandom to do the same :D

uhhh idk who to tag lol i guess if you guys wanna do it?

@snowisdelight @overcaustically @shirokogane

but i mean if anyone who sees this wants to do it too then consider yourself tagged and go for it

[t-shrt]

100 q tag

no one wud read it but ima do it anyways cos fun tag by @dubblebubble

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk cos i love tht crunchy crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? LOVE

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? receipts, pen lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee=basic latte/hot tea, no sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? sometimes, not too often tho

6: do you keep plants? no but i want to but ill be terrible at it so no

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? digital art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes very it keeps me sane

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/back, back esp nowadays

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? lots lol

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth? hahahah it used to be jupiter cos i loved sailor jupiter as a child

13: what’s something that made you smile today? friend + nct + fics

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? two separate bedrooms, a balcony, good amount of plants, separate fridge for alcohol, sizeable kitchen

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it rains diamonds in jupiter and saturn $$$$

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? bolognese hahahaha im boring

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i just dyed my hair a darker ash brown n i quite like it ive been light for awhile

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one came 2 mind cos we both recently talked ab it, a longtime close friend of mine n i used to have the biggest fight where he threw me a pair of scissors n i threw him a basketball in retaliation lmfaooo it still became a running joke more than a decade later...

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? not really...prolly shud

20: what’s your favorite eye color? i actually like brown hahah, maybe a slightly lighter shade of brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it was a gift from my parents, a simple small messenger bag with a lot of slots, brought it with me literally everywhere, during my hookups, my night outs, been stained with questionable things (its been cleaned lol!).... almost lost it in a club only to be found by a friend... it has foundation stains tho lol

22: are you a morning person? n o

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, listen to music, watch stuff, not reply to messages

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? nothing rly comes to mind but im p sure ive been somewhere like tht lol

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? LOL my adidas superstars

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? ermm the red colored ones?

28: sunrise or sunset? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very good question

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? hmm what comes to mind is the way both of us sometimes exchange goodnight msgs w nct farm emojis heheeh

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? lol ofc....

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. unfortunately im rly basic on socks, u wud most likely find me wearing black ankle socks or black ballet(?) socks nothing more nothing less.......

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. a lot has happened usually during that time lol. duno which story to pick honestly hahahah. i think a memorable one might be when we were drinking n played games and we talked and talked and joked n nek min one by one we fell asleep in the same room hahah... im sure there are other stories tht might be more eventful but fr the life of me my memorys fuzzy rn lol

33: what’s your fave pastry? i love strawberry shortcakes! or mille crepes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept a LOT hahah. prolly named a few, but nothing was too special. i think it rly reflected how i managed my relationships then, n evn yrs aftwds, like i ws always lonely n my instincts were to gain quantity cos deep down i cudnt trust ppl n cudnt get too committed lololol

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i was cos sometimes ppl wud make pretty colorful notes, but i usually just buy ones tht i wud use cos practicality.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? mmmmm is it cheating if i say nct cos they cover a range of genres lmao. but their ballads i guess yeah.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i mean i prefer to keep it clean, but its always really messy HAHAHA ;_;

38: tell us about your pet peeves! 1. someone rude 2. someone who doesnt know how to respect others’ boundaries 3. someone self-entitled n takes themselves 2 seriously

39: what color do you wear the most? black on black on black on black baby

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? an evangelion ring, its the black (lilith) moon with lcl gem in it, to me i guess symbolizes my struggle with human relations, n how eva as an anime illustrated tht n the fantasy of having everyone’s consciousness merged into one--n the fact that lilith in itself (in astrology) signifies the darker side of a human being? i guess n the fact that evn if u acknowledge ur darker side u cud still use it to further urself

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? hmmmm i guess last was a self help book, unfuck your boundaries, helped me support my need to strengthen my boundaries

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! little rogue :) its in a small alleyway, a little quaint shop, easy to miss... small potted plants, with an amaaazing matcha latte

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? siiigh a guy i was involved with lmfao i cut him off tho

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? hmmmmm good question i guess lately ive been very thankful tht i could feel comfortable taking my own time and space, n accepting the positive energy others wn give 2 me. being single really, really does help evn tho id feel lonely sometimes, bc the only weight i carry is the weight of my own soul n i wn learn how to nourish that

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? very i think

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i have a lot HAHAHA if u were a friend of mine ud prolly get tired of them. a genuinely bad one wud be haha youre so punny lmfao

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? nothing rly lmao if theyre healthy n someone derives happiness frm it i wudnt want it to be banned

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? probably not lol, i mean i think i retained similar fears since i ws a kid but now obviously my biggest fear(s) would be more...specific to me

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? its the digital age baby spotify ftw (in all srsness i wish i collected vinyls tho hh)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect ramune bottles lmaoooo

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? hmmmm nah lets not do this right now lol

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? LOL too many but i love shitpost quality memes tbh

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? pulp fiction. i actually loved it, i think i still do, its entertainment value is kickass, havent taken the time to dissect it in any other way

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? oh man i think it ws the dude i ws seeing lmao fk him

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? a lot, n most of them im not proud of, cos some involves self harm

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? kindness n genuineness, someone’s courage in being vulnerable

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? dont feel like it rn but everytime i do 10/10 will dramatically reenact the lyrics right to the guitar riffs

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im definitely the wine (aunt) lmfaooo im already one tbh 

59: what’s your favorite myth? Eros + Psyche, Icarus and the sun

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i love poetry hahah...cant think of any rn

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? id love any gift given 2 me as long as they wont harm me or anything lmao n i dont think ive evr given anything too stupid. well.. idk if this is stupid tho like i sent flowers thanking my ex for ‘helping me live’ well aft we’ve blocked each other off cos the end to the relo was js daaamn toxic lmao

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music i do spotify n im pretty particular ab organizing my playlists i guess. my books im alright with as long as theyre just stacked properly no problem

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? prolly rly dark blue cos its 12 am

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a lot tbh cos ive rly been focusing on stuff internally

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? daisies, sunflowers, n baby breath here n there

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? somber i guess maybe a tad bit nostalgic?

68: what’s winter like where you live? heeella cold not cos of the temperature itself but the winds thooo, if it drizzles evn in the slightest it feels like needles piercing through ur bones literally

69: what are your favorite board games? i like the game of life, ummm cards against humanity?

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no n never will lol

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? the fruity kinds

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yea def lol

73: what are some of your worst habits? disappearing from people when i feel strong emotions

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re small but they’re so full of love, full of life, full of strength, and full of care for others, they’re the type of person who will seek their goals till the end despite obstacles and still be able to not lose their warm heart on the way. they put so much thought and care to every aspect of their life even when in the past they have been handed some bad things, and i adore them for that.

75: tell us about your pets! none :( wish i have a cat though

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hahahhaah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither sometimes i think theyre weird sometimes cute sometimes weirdly cute lmao

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? write up 24 things they love about me to stop me from hating myself

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white. no but if i had to id say white anyways lol cos its a blank canvas

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i dunno uhhhh her rounded eyes which seemed to at first glance, harbor plenty of wonder seemed to be weighted by many untold secrets, the traces of which could be found when she erupts into laughter where the wonder would manifest itself in the form of small stars in the dark of her eyes.

82: are/were you good in school? meh. i try

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? weirdly i like cigarette after sex’s one cos its so simple yet telling

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? planning on getting an evangelion one, another heart one, a sunflower one, and prolly a ghibli related one

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? manga? naruto 4evr LOL

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? hmmm thinkin of dpr live’s IAOT

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? lord of the rings, harry potter, one of ghibli movies lol

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i think impressionism is very cool evn tho i dont do it myself

89: are you close to your parents? eeeeee

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Melbourne is a wonderful city where many things could coexist in one--happiness and sadness, camaraderie and loneliness, hot and cold, quiet and full of life, productive and relaxed, bursting with unfocused energy yet incredibly organized, and for many reasons it’s become one of my favorite cities, and definitely my favorite to live in.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no plans tbh lol maybe home?.......japan? heheheh nahhh

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends lol mostly i guess drowns my pasta in cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? i always wear it down, either straight or wavy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? a friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? stay in most likely, do stuff

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100% procrastinate lmaoooo

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ISTG, jkjk INFP, leo sun aquarius moon cancer rising, ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? im alws meh ab hiking tbh lmao 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Long Slow Distance - NCT 127, Four - Sleeping At Last, idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish, Stop This Train - John Mayer, Digital Lover - Crush

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past so she’d stop focusing her life around anybody else but herself

[kxlebcross]

for the quarantine asks, multiples of 2, please :)

are you fucking serious???? i’m gonna get back at you for this, i’m smol and ready to fight!!!! (under the cut >:3)

2. Grilled cheese or PB&J? grilled cheese, always... idk, maybe i’m too european for that but pb&j just seems gross to me (noah fence to anyone who likes it tho)

4.  Your go-to bar order, if you drink? usually it’s a mojito, a gintonic or a vodka-tonic, depending on the place and its’ prices... and if i’m not that low on money sometimes an absinthe slips in, but that’s really rare, i’m not that young anymore and my body just can’t keep up with the alcohol anymore dfsdfd

6. Top three cuisines? uhhhh..... italian, hungarian and..... i don’t actually have a third hdgfhsd can i just generally say that ‘asian’? tbh i tried like 3-4 dishes from various asian countries which imo is way less than enough to choose a fave, and there’s also a lot more i’d like to try sometime... but my city doesn’t have many places to go to, and the only “chinese” restaurant we have is a cheap ripoff which never served a proper chinese dish in their life.... ordered from there twice, beforehand researching each dish i ordered and let me tell u.... they weren’t even close to what they were supposed to be......

8.  What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had?  i once worked at a strip club..... no, not as a stripper, i was a waiter/bartender, and honestly i wouldn’t even mind talking about it if the place wasn’t shady as fuck.... one of the national tv stations even made a full time documentary series about all the illegal shit that’s going down there..... but i never really did any unconventional jobs so there’s nothing fancy, but if i were to tell stories about what i’ve encountered during my ordinary jobs...... oh boi.......

10.  Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a signed photo with Flowsik from his Warsaw concert.... and i think that’s the only thing like that, if i ever had anything else it’s long forgotten and probably is laying in some box in my mom’s basement lmao

12. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i only have bagels in the kfc breakfast offer so it’s usually some chicken, salad, cheese, egg and mayonnaise? i think? or was that the ciabatta? fuck me if i remember...... but if i could choose anything i’d probably go with smth similar, some chicken strips, veggies, bacon, cheese and moyinnaise? yeah, probably, im a man of simple tastes dsfdfg

14.  Favorite mug you own i wish i wasn’t so lazy and just take a picture of it, but i’m a lazy fuck so here i go explaining XD so its actually a middle-sized coffee mug, it’s pastel greyish-pink with two cats on it, and one of the cats is chilling on a guitar.... it was a bday present from my mums friend and it came in a cat head-like box which i kept.... it’s now on the top shelf in it’s all grotesque cat box glory..... like the ceiling cat meme

16.  Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!)  uhhhh tbh my mood is usually a blank space, apathy be fun like that... so ill just list some that i’m generally vibin’ with

Take a knife in the back, wanna feel my pain Make a slice to the wrist to reveal those veins I could see your face, man I feel insane

Such a mess when I'm in your presence I've had enough, think you've been making me sick Gotta get you out of my system, yeah

MGK - In These Walls

I just can’t get enough of you, but that’s alright Feeling like going on a joyride with you through the night I keep accelerating on the road with you at my side

Lexie Liu - Like a Mercedes

And it's nights like this when I'm on my own And I realize that you'll never feel like home No, I can't feel you now (Feel me now) And I try my best to stick around But when you're broken like me, you just gotta get out 

Bring Me The Horizon -  ±ªþ³§ feat. YONAKA (but i’m generally vibin’ with the whole album that this song is from)

18.  What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless?  okay so i’m probably not gonna rewatch it ever again, but... when i was a kid there was this german series on tv and it was called medicopter 117.... so in exam season i realized that as a kid i never got to finish it so i decided to rewatch... listen, it’s a 1997 series... but damn it was actually better than some of the crap ppl call tv show now....... not gonna rewatch tho, some moments and plotlines were frustrating as fuck

20.  Do you match your socks? yes! but only because i either have them all black (which will match anyway) or funky colorful fruit patterned ones that look a bit much even on their own so i wouldn’t really wanna mix’n’match those in fear they would just look tacky as fuck

22.  What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) well for a while i was the horse kid, then the cat kid, then the car kid and then i ended up being the resident class emo with a weird obsession over Lord of the Rings.... it was a wild ride, though the emo phase sort of stuck with me even now

24.  What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? the what? i stg i never encountered it in my life so i’m not really having an opinion on it, sorry to disappoint

26.  You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? definitely orange... apple has a weird aftertaste, tomato is gross, banana feels like having jizz in ur mouth.... yeah, we’re sticking with orange (also please don’t ask me to elaborate on the jizz part)

28.  What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? i’m actually trying to get better with some overwatch heroes i never learned before... since the lockdown started i got a lot better with snipers and i1m actually pretty proud of it

30.  Where could someone find you in a museum? most likely in the souvenir shop trying to find the cheapest thing..... or chilling on some bench/chair after watching all the art pieces, i’m usually way too lazy to stand around and wanna get out pretty fast, but i think it has more to do with the fact that i don’t really like to hang out around people and museums tend to always have a few of those

32.  Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? stars and clouds.... but man i actually really miss stars........ that’s the only thing that’s shitty in living at the city that i can’t see the stars

34.  Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i think art.... i mean i have three movie posters, an overwatch one, a religious calendar from my mum, and then a pride flag and some tacky painting the landlady insisted on keeping on the wall.....

36.  Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... okay i’m gonna admit, i’m not really into superheroes so i’m not that well-informed about their sidekicks either.... can i just hang out with loki instead or smth?

38.  Favorite mid-2000s song oh no.... assuming it was around 2005.... i was like 7 at that time? what the fuck did  i listen to back then? uhhhhhhh i’m pretty sure that was a basshunter time back then? so i’m gonna go with Basshunter’s Now You’re Gone as i remember having it on my mp3 player dfjhjkdf

40.  Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? usually at my pc, even when i have guests over because i don’t trust anyone with the playlists...... and when i’m over at someone i usually choose a fotel or smth and lay down in it as if i’ve never used a fotel before or couldn’t sit like a normal human being.... and if there’s no fotel then i’m sitting on the armrest of the sofa because apparently i can’t sit like a normal human being sdshfghsdf

42.  A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving  it’s this one.... one day just popped up in my youtube recommended and i was like what the fuck??????? but i’m not gonna say what it is, see for yourself ;)

44.  Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? i..... try not to post at all??? but if i do it’s either no caption or “i randomly decided to post some pictures at 3am without thinking about a concept or caption so i’m just gonna wing it” kind of bullshit, no inbetween, i just can’t write meaningful shit under my pictures 

46.  What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? fries..... i’m a slut for fries, best food ever......... give me fries......... i think i actually might buy some later now that we’re talking about it

48.  Do you like Jello? once again i’m way too european to have an opinion, sorry.....

50.  How are you at climbing trees? when i was a kid i was doing pretty well..... now, around 15 yrs and a few fucked up joints later i’m not sure how would i do....... if this stewpid lockdown is over i might actually convince my friend to find some trees to climb and then we’ll see....... (and then i hopefully won’t accidentally k*ll myself because he will be there to catch me if i fall lmaoooo)

[konekotakuchan]

I got tagged to do this so here! If you want to do it too just copy and paste.

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?

-No? I'm in a relationship

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?

- Yeah

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? -Several years on and off

4: Have you ever changed for someone?

-Kinda I dropped some interests and hobbies in order to spend more time with him

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

-Im friends with most if them on Facebook but I dont really talk to them. I dont hate any of them except one. I dont hate him but I'm not ready to really be friends lol

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

-Yep

7: Have you ever cheated?

-Yep in like high school

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?

- maybe if I'm a sucker but I couldnt handle that and the relationship wouldn't last

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?

- a lot of things really. there's not one thing that I could say is "important". Communication is important. Not like asking permission but like hey just heads up going to so and so later. It just helps making the relationship feel like a team instead if two individuals living thier lives separately and just sleeping in the same bed. Also knowing each others love language and what their needs are.

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

-Im more of a serious person

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?

-I dont really believe in breaking up but I do believe in space.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

-Like 3?

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

-sticking up for myself or not leaving sooner. Tal

-lking about my issues

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

-i dunno there are lots of variables.

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?

-uhhh I dunno.

16: Do you believe in “love" at first sight?

-not really

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?

-mmm maybe I dunno

-

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

-Yelling and throwing things or breaking things anything thats a little violent. I cant handle that.

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?

-I think when you enjoy life without them around more than when you are with them.

20: Are you currently in a relationship?

-Yeah

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

-Depends

22: Do you think people should date their friends?

-yeah

23: How many relationships have you had?

-lol I'm not counting

24: Do you think love can last forever?

-yeah

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

-Uhm I dunno like say my SO cheated I'm not gonn stay with them cuz I love them.

-

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?

-lol no

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

- Dont ever feel like you need to do things and act a certain way to please your SO. If it's meant to work out it will.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?

-Depends. I cant see myself in one.

29: What do you notice first about another person?

-posture, hair

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

-Im pansexual. I've known this since I was about 4th grade at least.

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

-nope

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

-Yeah

33: Do you want to get married one day?

-I dunno

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?

-Stupid

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?

-Yeah theres more than just sex and other ways to be intimate.

36: Are you still a virgin?

-no lol 10 Yeard too late

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? personality but of course looks have a role.

38: Do you enjoy love films?

-yep

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

-yeah its been as long time since I last gotten flowers. I kinda miss working at safeway I'd get them quite often.

40: Have you ever had a valentine?

-yeah?

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?

-As long as I didnt have to choose a single thing it would be perfect

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?

-yeah

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?

-relationship with both are important. I'm definitely the type to put my boyfriend over my friends. Not on purpose. I just get really involved with them and wanna spend all my time with them.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic"?

-no but I definitely like it even if it makes me a little uncomfy.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

-uhhh I guess lol

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?  

-lol once

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?

-i dont have one lol

48: What’s your favorite love song?

-i dont know lol

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

-Yeah 🤷🏻‍♀️

50: If you’re single, why do you think are?

-no single lol

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?

- poor nice guy? Unless hes like a sugar daddy? Lol

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

-nope lol

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?

-nah

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?

-I mean it's not important but I did date someone who refused to "make it official" and would never post anything about us. Definitely messed me up so I personally like seeing it and I enjoy getting tagged in the posts and what not. It kinda makes me feel like they are proud to be my SO and not ashamed or something idk.

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?

-Lately I'm not too much of a cuddler kind of clingy. I feel my anxiety build up for some reason, but I'm totally clingy and jealous. I need to feel like your world and have like 90% of your attention.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? -eh..i wouldn't put it like that, but yeah totally lol

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

-I wouldn't say silly, but I can see how it can be like the breaking point if there are lots of other things going on?

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?

-lol with adulting and in life right now I feel Dom but preferably sub. I need to feel taken care of though to be able to slip into my sub self properly to really enjoy it.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?

-lol for a second every now and then.

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?

-Im open to it lol. I'm not sure if I can handle it but maybe with the right person(s). I've seen it work great for others.

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?

-family isnt really important to me. I'm not gonna answer this

62: How do you define “cheating”?

-Doing something behind that persons back that they wouldn't approve of. Whether it be flirting with someone else, giving someone else more attention than your SO. Basically if you are choosing someone else over your SO. Of course this could all be okay if its talked about before and its consensual in a poly or open relationship.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

-yeah I'll make fun but its whatever.

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?

-it's not really my fav holiday but I enjoy it.

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?

-not at the moment.

[delilahmidnight]

Whos Bonnie talking to? Who did she tell that laurels pregnant?

Oh no, I forgot shes the next of kin, she has to deal with that……piece of excrement

Bonnie and laurel both lying to each other oh no

“Ill call you later” like theyre girlfriends bye

Hm. Bonnie thanks frank and hugs him. I dont care. Frank is still a piece of shit.

What is this guys name and why is he such a douchebag

Can I just say I ADORE this scene for a multitude of reasons

First off u have a black woman actually being taken care of by and being engaged with a community of other black women, joking and sharing and just allowed to be themselves without the male or white gaze, and we, the audience, get to see it, its normalized. What a privilege.

Then on a personal level, I legitimately did not know how weaves “worked” and as a nonblack person I don’t exactly have the right to ask a black woman such a personal question, but this scene just shows it completely casually and now I dont feel like either an ignorant twat or a nosy insensitive racist. The More You Know™

The only reason im not skipping all of franks scenes is bc it seems to be important to bonnies character. I dont care one fart about him.

why the fuck is he always pouting!!!!!! it pisses me off so much i can’t tell if he thinks hes hot when he does it or it makes him look vulnerable or what but every time he does it it makes me want to punch him in his stupid fucking face

Wow he was put away at 13? No wonder hes such a fucking stunted manbaby

HOW👏 BOUT👏 NOT👏 A👏 WHITE👏 BOY👏 WHO👏 HAS👏 VIOLENT👏 TENDENCIES👏👏👏

My baby has BICEPS I AM DYING

AND ALSO SHORT FINGERNAILS BONNIE WINTERBOTTOM IS A LESBIAN #CONFIRMED

If bonnie and frank have sex ill kill myself

Oh thank god

“Laurel?” like!!! they’re!!! girlfriends!!!!

Bet its annie

Ha

Aww annie offering to creatively disrespect that p.o.s.’s remains on bonnies behalf–she really wants to know bonnie will be ok, she wants her to know she has her back

Chickiboo has a sister?!?!? I had no idea!!!

Annie and bonnie both deflecting from themselves to make sure the other is ok

Ugh baby left a list of AA meetings she takes such good care of annie

g o s h they are so soft and loving with each other when there are no men around, can they always be like this forever please

AWWWMMM ANNIE AWKWARD IN THE SPOTLIGHT FOR ONCE

oh my g–OH MY GOD, HOLY SHIT, ITS THE PRESIDENT

My sweet baby on the floor trying to convince that trashbag to come home she is SO tiny and adorable I’d die for her

Sam. It always comes back to fucking sam. Idk why Bonnies trying so hard to exonerate frank when its literally choice after choice that frank himself made that led to the babys death. How did sam get into bonnies head tho?

Bonnies total faith and trust in Annalise is gonna be the death of me

forgive her first?? For what?? Sending a hitman to kill the guy who enabled her attempted murder and her babys actual murder??? I think the fuck not

good girl annie, im so proud of you

Lol sam is a lying manipulative piece of shit right from the beginning, trying to guilt annie into being a mom one way or another

Annie with a pixie cut!!! How adorable

God I see that tear sparkling in the corner of her eye

my BABY, shes gone thru so much I can’t

ugh she wants to drink to forget the memories

No baby, youre doing so good, dont give up now!! :((((

yeeeeeeEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCCHHHH MICHAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEELLLAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh man she is drunk as a SKUNK

But she is a good dancer regardless lol Oh annie….xb:

Im….gonna fuckin kill myself If bonnie is actually in love with frank I will ACTUALLY fucking KILL myself god PL E A S E

Poor baby bonnie bun I love her so much she deserves to be happy more than anything

………………….that’s it. I’m gonna murder frank, shonda rhimes, whoever the fucking writers and directors of this shit episode were, and then myself,

I’m super curious about Michaela’s backstory too but like…they’re getting really annoying

Oh god. God god god god. No, please, my baby. She’s been abandoned all over again by someone she thought cared about her. I’m gonna murder frank fucking fishtown

Why is annie so hellbent on refusing any sort of help or compassion or even friendship? ??

“Let me warn bonnie” awwwmmmm

Ohhhhhhh nooooooo. Oh no no no no no no. Oh shit. Bonnie, oh god, she is in so much trouble. And laurels face when she realizes what she’s done

Oh her mom’s white? But she hates her?? But she’s in her house??? Michaela’s face when she hears laurels pregnant

[yungxyari]

3am thoughts....

I wanna write how I feel because its eating me up inside and when I try to express myself I get stuck First is first I messed up I wasn’t in the wrong from the beginning my birthday was great and for once I was absolutely happy not a care in the world first time in a long time. With happiness came a funny feeling for me those are never ever good when I say never I mean never bowling didn’t sound so right not after he expressed how tired he was something was off. Tuesday night is a night I’m done reliving I kinda just wished it never happened but since it did my next step is literally acting like it didn’t. Just to let it go After that night I shouldve blocked him but I didn’t I fucking didn’t block him I wanted to talk I wanted to work shit out when you love someone unconditionally shit like this tends to happen.. you just kinda sorta feel sick to your stomach giving up And this is the part where everyone gives in their opinion Why care about him if he doesn’t care about you his actions should show how he feels They probably are right but when you get to know someone you get to know them. And him I knew better then I know myself. Moving on I flipped my anxiety sucks I can’t control it it basically controls me and thats me upmost scariest feeling I have ever felt. I loose all sense of everything and im really going to try to get medication for that it fucking sucks and it basically dragged me to where I’m at the moment. Friday was hard after asking for nothing but the truth he wanted to still protect me and he lied I left work looking for nothing I shouldve went home I shouldve showered I shouldve laid down and once again BLOCKED HIM but I didn’t once again I let the anxiety the anger get the better of me. I really don’t have a valid explanation for any of my actions I swear I don’t and I don’t know what I wanted to accomplish by showing up at publix making a scene for what to drive him away even more. That isn’t the point he tried to check on me but it was already to late I was less then 500 feet from him with my heart beating almost out my chest not knowing my next move.. publix happened shit I’m not proud of another reason to apologize to C since his thing is he wants me to take responsibility.. he did me wrong asf me out of everyone he knows how I am and how I was with him and he took advantage of me of my heart and of my love and he abused it. Here everyone goes saying how can you feel that way at such a young age but me and the kid shared everything it was more of a friendship with the amount of unconditional love I believed we was throwing around… where do I continue Friday was Friday I ended up at my cousins party Lord help me that was a movie hen ciroc and beer pong how did I wake up the next day ask the devil because I don’t know I called him that night very mad at each other he answered on the first ring and I noticed I call he answers first ring second no more after that night. We talked for 21 minutes if I remember right the conversation I can’t tell you what was said but my drunken thoughts and sober words said anything and everything you can imagine. He was a dear the him I knew but better but caring but loving but supprortive things I havent seen in a while it felt good I felt good the call ended when G called me back in and 2 more shots later a bathroom converstaion occurred s/o to my girl A the first person to tell me something that makes sense not the default message I was getting from everyone because fuck him you deserve better really gets played tf out !!!!! that was over the party continued blasé blase “I’m finally in bed” text became a “good morning its work time “ text nothing too deep happened Saturday just the usual mix of emotions and feeling “I wish you were here right now” that broke my heart to pieces was the least of my worries. Saturday wasn’t bad and Sunday either I got an “I miss you” which made me feel great because fuckkkk finally I can confirm he feels the same Side note saturday I asked to b his first kiss of the year might not count for anything but it was important to me Sunday is where it began to fall not going into detail the day was good afternoon was good 7-9 was good I was out at first ignoring him but the kid just has a damn way of hoping back into my system. Spoke about fucking donuts which I was going to get delivered to him we left it at he’s taking a nap and that was it Till I got the feeling The feeling that fucks me over and shuts the reasonable part of my brain off. After this the outcome I lost my best friend I lost my keys I lost my self respect I lost my faith and hope and gained a charge Sunday Night was an eye opener well I thought it was Monday I woke up different it was good then sucked then sucked again it was great and at the end sucked even more at the end of this I stressed my mom out more then she is  and lost his trust and everything Tuesday nothing really to say and Wednesday which is today but it isn’t considering its 3 am was a lot.

It went a little of both good and bad. More bad then good ofc “your picture is on my mirror but I’m going to have to take it off soon” As young as I may b I know, I know the feeling you get when you just know and I just know its kid having someone say they saw a future with u even at 17 maybe not now Mayb in 5 years maybe in 55 but that means a lot I lost him but I didn’t. And thats all ill say about it it ended sad and I could hear in his voice I’m not the only one hurting he just sucks at even showing this emotion do u love me….the reply was given basically then I love you it hasn’t sounded that way in never and click. The little details are out but this is basically what I can think of now it was about 30 minutes it was a lot.. The Instagram pictures are gone. And d is posted. I’m not even sure if giving an opinion on this is ok but b basically It feels empty I deleted the February picture and kept it moving… I started this at 2:58 am and its 3:40 and I’m still sitting here with a million and one things on my mind. School is in 4 days and I still need a week tomorrow I’m asking my mom I really need it. I need anxiety help and I need weight help just the month of December I lost 4 pounds shit is real its no longer a joke

Idk if I want help or I wanna give up, cutting ur self is super middle school, and pills are a game… tonight I’m feeling like I’m tired I’m tired of it all I don’t wanna deal with anything going on anymore and I say this with my eyes getting teary eyed I’m fucking tired honest to the god I don’t even know if belive In I’m fucking tired I wanna die I’m making my moms life harder and she already has her own shit I’m not happy I’m not motivated ion wanna do this shit anymore I’m fucking tired still havent blocked him yo sitting here thinking of what to do. Will writing it then reading it make it better?? Pills an option but the what ifs still sit. If I try it and nothing happens I’m forcing myself to keep it pushing but if anything at all happens then it was the right thing I’m sad I’m not alone but it feels like it I gotta work on things so many damn things I mean here goes nothing I think I got 2 benadryls Advil and other shit ill see what I pull out the bag for the record it was nobody fault but mine I’m just fucking tired drained and ready to give up I love u all so much always checking making sure I’m staright. I gone make this future happen if I don’t make this happen. And I dont know how u end this.. goodnight xo 54 minutes of pure feellings and my head is still going on at it.

update I woke up the next morning with a huge headache and disappointed