#idk how i will stay after next year | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

placid-styles · 5 months

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i’m losing my mind at work. i feel so fucking disrespected i hate my boss

#idk how i will stay after next year #i’ve poured my blood sweat and tears into this job and school for the last 2 years and i’m paid absolute dust #they don’t give a fuck about me #my diary

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coridallasmultipass · 5 months

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Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.

You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.

#i hate that i let that get to me lmao just ruined my fucking day ive been sitting here sobbing for like an hour #i cant tell anyone just how much i dont even want to try any more bc i dont see the point #medical issues and mental issues dont pair well and i dunno if im even gonna be able to survive the next flare up #i dont need fandom spaces telling me to die when im already telling myself that every fucking day #also why does my age always get brought up lmao i didnt choose to be born 30 years ago stop telling me im old #my body has been telling me im old since age 11 you dont know what ive fucking been thru #30 was just a formality and serves as another reminder of how ill never meet societys expectations for a 30yo lmao #my point is. you should try showing a little more kindness if telling someone to die comes so easily #ive literally never once told anyone to die in my life. you just dont fucking go there. what if they kill themself right after that?#can you live knowing they did so on your command?#i couldnt #thats just like beyond fucked up #anyway im gonna go try and stop crying #ill prob stay off tumblr today idk i feel real sick lol #delete later / /#i hate that i cant exist as myself either in person (too queer and closeted in a rural area) or online (too queer and weird ships)#anyway

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iniquity-fr · 23 days

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i keep saying i will finally reopen my skin shop again and then not doing it but maybe once i finish my riot of rot entries to hold onto for later i will. actually do that

#need to start with the 2nd run of saintly decor that i said i'd do like. a year ago. whoops #darkened doll can get a run perhaps? unsure how many people are interested in that..#if not that then mmmaybe another run for vile sacrament?#and then ive got my wavecrest rejects #i just kinda wanna have a small stock of things to release like 2 at a time and then be able to release the next batch like a month after #ive got lots of concept sketches to work thru still too #may do a whole new thread about it IDK #i DO need to work on regular art and start doing usd comms and such tho so FR stuff really has to just kind of stay on the back burner

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orcelito · 1 month

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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !

#speculation nation #negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february #actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when #so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh #i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it #and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it #and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found #but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots #which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies

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seventh-district · 3 months

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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold

#Seven.txt #writing stuff #thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe #wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life #i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever #i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel #nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao #it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts #anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months #i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff #not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck #so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally #the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit #and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better #so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic #then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot #i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again #and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline #so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done #but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy

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artykyn · 1 year

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I was like “I’m so excited to move somewhere new and do a lot of exploring and traveling!” only to discover that actually I find exploring to be really boring when I’m alone

Like yeah sure I can go on a road trip and see some cool views and interesting places. But if I’m not sharing those memories with someone, then all my memories might as well just be dreams. I want somebody pointing things out to me and saying something funny about it. I wanna point things out to them. Quietly gazing at the ocean is boring alone, but a wholesome relaxing moment if I’m with someone. When something weird happens I want someone to laugh with me. When I’m alone I just go “huh okay” and move on.

At first I thought “maybe I can get a remote job and then pop around living in temporary housing for a few months at a time and explore everywhere!!” but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I would be soooo bored. Unless I had a partner who also had a remote job and was willing to lead a lifestyle like that.

#sometimes I forget I lived in Pennsylvania for a year literally because I just don't share that memory with anyone #I haven't kept in touch with anyone I met there either #a whole (small) chapter of my life that feels like it had no impact #other than teaching me that east cost humidity suuucks #like.... yeah okay so I had severe depression for half of it and I learned how to get over it #so okay that's at least some personal growth I got from the chapter #actually you know what yeah sometimes even the *bad* or *short term* chapters of your life are actually really good for you #because even then you are learning a lot about who you are #I may be mega lonely right now. but what I'm learning about myself is that I value my friends above all else #and that I can make due living pretty much anywhere and doing anything. it's clearly not as important to me as the people I'm with #and that will indeed influence the next steps in my life and make my next chapters happier since I know what I do and do not like #Idk yet how long I'll stay here in Oregon. When I moved here I was prepared to spend 5+ years of my life in Portland #now I'm like. eh. pretty locations are fun vacation destinations but everything becomes boring when you live there and get used to it #so might as well pick the location with the people you love the most #or maybe everything just seems boring to me right now because I'm depressed again. whatever #i'll finish school and get a job and figure out my next life steps after that

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yourknightinshiningplastic · 1 year

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bro he is literally just laying there saying whatever in their head talking about anything and everything but not sleeping.

#thinking about junior high #specifically it started with me saying i should relearn the clarinet i should get one again #then somehow to getting stuff i missed from teachers 'before or after class' because they were busy or i didn't want to be late for class #then to how i was usually on time so i had like no reason to worry #except for pe because i had math all the at the bottom of the junior high hallway then pe at the entire other end of the school #and we had to change but he was pretty lenient and i was usually one of the first kids out #also how most of us left our stuff in the locker room and not the lockers because they were a hassle and somehow we never had any theft #then i thought about how this kid next to my actual locker in fifth grade (no locks) took one of my pokemon magnets im pretty sure #and i never got it back #then i remembered another thing that happened in the fifth grade hallway #where that guy i had a crush on gave me a golf ball he found in his bookbag #well he asked if i wanted it and i said yes (like having things and liked him) and im pretty sure it stayed in my bookbag the entire year #if i knew which bookbag i used that year and if i still had it it might still be in there tbh #also when i was thinking about band i couldn't think of my study hall in 8th because i quit and then suddenly i membered #and idk how i forgot she was like my fav teacher and i had so much fun cus my 2 best friends (like the waterparks song?) were also in it #and since it was like the end of the day she let us like talk and mostly do what we wanted if we didn't have any late work #and me and andi probably spent like 75% of it doodling our little oc guys #i think our other friend spent a lot of it drawing aswell.#wait. now that i think about it. was she in our study hall? doubting myself all of a sudden.#yeah she was because we walked home together and i dont remember waiting in the hall for her or anything #i do remember that when me and her were still in band andi came and got us basically because we always took our time #i miss them :(#winona has something to say

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myownprivatcidaho · 2 years

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whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk

#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk.#hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just ....#god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go #in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car #and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour #in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot #i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh #yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half #and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more #and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually #has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for.#entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ.#so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my #hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that #so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he #check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked #and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding #and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing #(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk #i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used #and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i #and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really #appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really #understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway #from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out'#and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that #i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like.#after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away #but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is:#crushposting

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lionblaze03-2 · 1 year

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Yknow guys. I have my moments but honestly I’m really glad to be alive and get to experience this beautiful world... like the birds outside my window or my beloved beast bella (there is an animal!!! In my house!!! And she LOVES me!!!) and getting to see my best friend and watching tv and movies together and engaging with media and taking long car rides. Life is so beautiful and I’m so glad I never forget it too long. Every little thing that makes you feel joy is a reason to be on this earth, so cherish every last one, because you deserve it. You deserve to feel how beautiful the world can be. Even if it sucks dick sometimes. Sometimes everything sucks and then you see a cardinal out the window competing with another for a female and everything’s okay again. Theres joy in every day, so please go out there and feel it as hard as you can, embrace everything that makes you happy. Live. We deserve it.

#lion’s lair #me #I. Idk I’m just. Looking forward to another day of seeing my best friend #And the world. And tv. And eating food #positive #tw from this point forward in the tags #I just.#okay so as kids me and my cousin always shared a birthday. Because it’s like 6-7 days apart right and we were best friends #And I loved that. We liked the same things so it was never a problem #As we got older his parents got jealous of the fact he liked staying with our grandparents more and stopped letting him come much #So every birthday was a spectacular treat. That and thanksgiving. Because he’d be there #Then in like 2017 his mom fucking died. Suicide. And he started staying with us a lot again #I almost called him my brother opening this part of the post. Because he is. To me #Just a year older than me #But again his dad heard how much he preferred us to him and stopped letting him come around. Even on the holidays #The last day I saw him was halloween. 2018. Also the last time I saw my non-relative bestfriend at the time #And I can’t even remember if I gave him a hug goodbye. I hope I did.#He died in January the next year after his dad threatened to take away his job. His like last refuge #A lot more fucked up shit happened to him I won’t divulge but. That man made him miserable.#That man killed him. Even if he didn’t use his hands #And I miss him so much. Every day but it hurts so much around my birthday #And every year I’m so scared to age and feel so bad because I’m getting older and. He’s not #He’ll never get any older because he’s dead. Hell never see any more marvel movies or shitty b movies. Never play red dead 2 again #He doesn’t get to have those little joys in life anymore. And it makes me so fucking sad #So please please please just always remember the little joys. The birds out the window and the things and people you love #Because there’s a lot of fucking hate in this world. But there’s so much goddamn love in it too #And wonder and whimsy and things worth living for. Even when life sucks every day. There’s always something. So please stick it through #I’m so glad I’ve stuck it through. I never thought I’d make it to be an adult when I was younger let alone 20 #I miss you.#Happy birthday brother. You should be here.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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#srry for the continued pause in scribbles ive been feeling not very good at all #idk something just broke in my brain after our last sampling trip idk y bc it wasnt that bad but when i got back #it was just a couple days of my brain being real crazy in terms of thought patterns. it still kinda continues to b like that #but idk i haven't had a session of hysterical crying today so maybe im on the mend. its weird i haven't felt this bad in a really long time #i dont even have the energy to complain about it its just no joy. burned streight thru that. bruned streight thru my desire to draw #i mean i still draw every day but its like shitty i dont have time scribbes bc idk it all feels so fucking pointless. and im terrible at #hiding how i feel abt things so my boss is like: maybe u should take a break this weekend i dont want u to burnout. like. lady we crossed #that bridge way back in March. u r speaking to a ghost. i just. i dont kno if i can stay here until like next july at least if not longer #and it sucks bc i kno someday ill look back and this time in my life will make me real sad bc im laying here choosing to make myself #miserable and i somwhere halfway across the country my mum has tumors growing in her abdomen. and i cant go home for Thanksgiving and idk #how long ill get at Christmas. not bc anyone is telling me i have to stay. my brain just wont let me do things. i just lay here in my #increasingly chaotic apartment not taking the steps to get refunded for travel expenses worrying over deadlines and agonizing over social #interactions. worrying about all the things my brain wont let me do that need to be done and not taking the steps to get better #its stupid and annoying and i know its only going to get worse when i have to start taking measurements in the lab #ive at least been practicing a lot of german tho lmao. someday ill look back like: lol remember when u got super depressed and filled the #void with learning german? literally today my dyslexic read the word albeit as aber and it was v disorienting #idk its just fun and i feel like im at least being productive. so yea idk when ill b able to post scribbles again #but i thought id at least post something while i had the energy i accumulated by taking with a happy Canadian lab group #maybe ill join them in a year idk idk decisions decisions and so many applications the cost of which is trying to dissuade me from #getting a tatt0o :-P ay ay ay live a little! pls i beg u. but no prob not. against the rules #unrelated

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maiteo · 2 years

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#the next wave of co-op decision days literally falls on my bday this year….like right on the day….lmaoooooo #I purposefully didn’t apply this spring bc I needed a break and just wanted to stay focused on school so I can speed up graduation #like…last year this time…literally from march to may was one of the worst periods of anxiety for me since high school…it was terrible #i can’t even describe what those feelings were like it was bad n it wasn’t until after results came out that I realized how bad it was #idek what I’m gonna do like am I gonna go for it n take that risk again n potentially be in that dark place during the waiting period…#not to mention I just got the tuition pricing for my summer semester😭my school said we saw youre enjoying your break bitch open ur email😜#damn shouldn’t their offices be closed like why are they trying to stress me out #anyway…this is so messy n jumbled I’d be surprised if anyone read all this. I’ve never articulated my anxiety or vulnerability well so.#tag rambling does the trick until something else comes my way #beijos to anyone here😚 im taking full advantage of the proximity to the water & just try to heal out there #shakira pics baaack I’ve missed using her….anyways!! to the water…lemme. idk sit down alone for a min.#mine

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yakamozarda · 2 years

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I think i should like. Talk to my therapist about taking a gap year bc i feel like i need a proper rest that wont be related to anything i wanna do in long term and just Chill but at the same time idk how to. Rest. Like it is legit something im bad at i cant fucking rest more than a week and i feel like i need more than a week to fucking unmentally ill myself or some shit. I dont fucking know man

#cecil.txt #I know im experiencing some sort of burn out? Or whatever the fuck it is #Idk it feels. Too luxurious to take a gap year even tho i know i will probably at least find a part time job for it #Idek #Yesterday while talking to my therapist i realised how i didnt wanna do anything at all #So idk if it is healthy to push myself to find a paid phd program or a job next year right after graduation #Esp since i can like. Afford to take a gap year. My mom is more than okay with me staying with her during that time but i fucking hate the #Idea of moving back in. I love my mom but my hometown is boring af #Working in istanbul would be great as a gap year but holy shit. The fucking economy. Idek man it doesnt sound uuhh hashtag relaxing to me #Idk #I fucking wish the jobs/internships i have applied so far would work out. I either keep getting rejected or ghosted #Yesterday i got rejected by a job i didnt even fucking want and i KNOW im fucking overqualified for it most likely. I fucking hate this #It was a fucking mobile dating sim writing. I have a degree in literature and i have done narrative design for fucks sake and worked in a #Game project with a way more complicated mechanic than a fucking lame dating sim #Got rejected bc 'they are looking for a more specific cv'#All my writings feel too niche or specific for me to get an entry level job and i fucking hate the idea of writing for a lame game to begin #With #And if i wanna get away with my weird af design ideas phd is the best way to go but. Im so tired of academia. But im also fucking terrified #Of getting a job. Ugh #There is this internship that would be PERFECT for me that im qualified for but ffs they ghosted me. Im gonna fucking go insane #Anyways #Negativity #Or whatever yall use to filter these bs

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zebruh · 2 years

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my dads dead huh

#vwitty banter #17 days before 4 years #gptta wait til 2:45 am on oct 20 and itll have been four fuckin years #four. fucking. years.#without my dad. without the only parent who gave a shit about me.#fucking hell idk how i made it this far #and thinking back to how bad i was both wjile he was dying and Especially the year after #2 hospitalizations really shoulda had more with the attempts i made #god damn i remember one where i made up my mind at work cause it was hell i was exhausted and had to stay an hour late after getting yelled #at all day #then next thing i knew i was in the er having to explain myself #kinda funny how after the first hospitalization for that everyone came to the hospital to let me know they cared #then. second one no one gave a shit #me on my fifth hospitalization and really only my gpa and gma cared #its sad when people just stop giving a shit about you #ugh #i hate this time of year

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the-kipsabian · 2 years

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whenever i feel bad about my existence i remind myself that kip appreciates me

#tho probably not as much as i appreciate him tbh #i mean i have him permanently inked on my skin #but yeah i have. a few stream clips saved on my phone where he talks about things and its just like #okay so chronologically first theres the cameo from last christmas after i came out as a fan with the first fanart he loved #then theres the new years donation shoutout with his incredible be yourself and do what makes you happy advice #(literally just if people dont love you for you just fuck em lol)#then theres the next one where i missed the stream after jersey but he stays how humbling it was to him to see my tattoo in person #and then the more recent one where he talks about fan interactions and how cool all the art and seeing people dress up is #and he just casually drops me by name to specifically mention the tattoo and how. to quote exactly. 'its fucking insane i love it'#like. idk man. if nobody else likes me in this life kip sabian does and i feel like thats pretty good you know #just using it as a positive vibes whenever i think im not worth a hot garbage and shit #just. get yourself a blorbo that appreciates you being a fan as much as you appreciate them being your blorbo lol #and also humble them for life. i know thats harder to do but god its so worth it #i cant wait to meet him again one day oof #sorry im just feeling things today i really just rather be home and in bed but i have to be here today unfortunately #so im thinking about this while i dont want to work anymore lol #that is all. sorry and thank you if you read all that #night is an absolute mess on main #..im also still convinced i never actually have told this man my name and yet he knows and remembers it #in case you needed to know that cause it makes me very soft too lol

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andthebubbles · 2 years

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i had a very nice day!!! so the person i picked up stuff from actually turned out to be super nice, it was so wild it was like i stepped into an alternate universe (over email she sounded super urgh and troublesome). idk if there’s a catch somewhere and i just haven’t found it yet, but yeah, what the hell. i got the stuff and now i can do mileage claim!

checked out moona moona creek afterwards, it’s a veryyyyy nice swimming spot. actually, the sand and the colour of the water has been the most interesting/noteworthy things at jervis bay. the sand is almost white and the water is just this gorgeous aqua-ish blue (although less noticeable the closer you get to it lol). also, the light (sunlight) is just really clean and blue?

(oh i almost forgot, i also checked out the mangrove boardwalk at huskisson, that was good, until i visited the beaches SKJDGNFKG)

then ofc since there weren’t any traffic jams i checked out hyams beach because you know, ~whitest sand and stuff. i guess the sand is pretty white?? it’s not that markedly whiter than the sand at moona moona creek. but the biggest difference was skfjgnkfjng the TEXTURE of the sand skjfnkfjgnkfng so at moona moona creek, the sand sometimes was almost ‘solid’, like, if i was an elf and i could walk lightly enough on it, i wouldn’t break through that outer shell. but once you break through the outer shell, it just crumbles and then it’s soft. and kinda squeaky feeling. maybe it’s very salty?? idk

but MMMMm hyams beach sand was like, SO SOFT, it was like walking on pillows, especially for the sand in the shade, it was just soooo mmMMMMM. the waves crashing on the beach were whatever, i guess they were almost greenish because it was so clean blue, but the SAND TEXTURE, now that was noteworthy. (i also may have taken a tiny bit of sand because it was so fascinating and fiiiine and pale and soooo soft and pillowy, and now i’ve decided i’m gonna start a sand collection!! it’d be really interesting to see the difference in colours of sand, and also i guess i will take notes. like, maroubra sand is pretty coarse, and darker ofc... bondi beach sand is like... idk, paler than maroubra, but it’s nothing special either, it’s not that fine

it’s interesting, cause if one could 4wd moona moona creek, i think it’d be quite easy because the sand is so firm, but hyams beach would be pretty tricky i think

anyway!!! sand collection!!! i need to get me some glass bottles with corks

(might post pics later, might not)

also, the drive was pretty easy... i did up to wollongong first, then my mum did from there to bomaderry, then i did from there to jervis bay stuff, and then once we were done there i did from there to wollongong, and then to home, so i did most of the driving and mmmm it was good. also idk what it is about the sun going down/nighttime = i can drive a loooot more lol, it’s just, once the sun goes down and it starts to settle into dusk and then nightfall, i just fuckin wake up skjgkfkj

so anyway, jervis bay is like, just over 3 hours away, so it’s pretty doable, esp if you split it into 1.5h each. i’d love to go back to hyams beach just so i can feeeeeeel the sand again... i might go back once school holidays are over haha. and also it’d be nice to stay longer so i can get some night photography in. the sun took forever to set today and i guess that’s cause summer solstice is... tomorrow, okay, i just checked lol well ANYWAY, i miss night photography, but it’s also nicer to do it when the weather is colder because there aren’t any mozzies about, and it gets darker earlier so you don’t have to wait as long. but me dad’s a chicken with the cold, and sometimes i don’t particularly like going remote-ish places at night by myself because it feels kinda dodge

anyway!! time to check the pics i took eheheee

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eta: HYAMS BEACH SAND (those aren’t my footprints (why didn’t i pick a better spot where the sand was untouched ksjnfgkfjgn oH WELL))

selfie lmfao:

eta 2: i gotta say it’s REALLY nice now that there’s an albion park bypass and a berry bypass... (yeah i haven’t been out much until recently lol) also, i kinda miss the old foxground route, but more in a sense of ‘i bet it’s really fun now with almost no traffic’ SKJDNFK

#blahblahblah i just memory-dumped about the beaches i visited today lol #very skippable!#me.txt #yeah. i wish i could've stayed longer!!#after i got home we took the cat for a walk round the block in her cat pram lol #and THEN it felt like the day was complete #i didn't even get to use high beams on the highway on the drive home #THAT'S how early we started going back #what a shaaaame #no night driving with high beams? pfft #with spotties and lightbar on dirt roads it's even more exciting!#point of interest (lol): i've gotten used to how tough the troopy is with like... everything #that today i accidentally switched on the high beams with this nissan when i was signalling to.. turn or change lanes idk #normal cars are so soft lol #normal MODERN* cars are so soft #also i discovered that if i put my left hand on the right hand side of the stupid T shape of the steering wheel.. it isn't so much a strain #so uh that's nice #at least i'm not coming home with like a fucked up shoulder or neck or whatever #i think sometime next year or so it'd be really nice to spend some time at like.. jervis bay territory #like. camp near the beach #explore the area #etc #but it has to be not during school holidays lol i think this place would be kinda crap with too many people around #i got lucky today i guess cause it's the first day of the school hols

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roaringroa · 3 days

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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end

#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask #december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery #and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc #and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh #every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night #oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes #and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester #and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu #oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well #and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also #pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc #so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal #honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know #like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc #but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated #also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm #is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is #incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship #so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year #at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately #i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new #my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper #and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been #like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare #idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling #and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa

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