#idk how i feel aboutt his

[hongthoven]

hiii i saw your requests are open and omfg- off topic but youre so pretty😞🫵 hongjoong would deffo be proud of himself for having you as his stan. NO JOKE.

Ahh also I've read almost every work youve done and your writing style, everything just- HOW YOU WRITE IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, I could go on reading everything written from you for hours!

Anywayy- again, I saw your requests are open and ahaha since Im not a writer, and I admire you like A LOT i really wanna share one of my scenarios these days and mayyybeee you could writeeee abouuuuttt itttt hehe (ofc if you want --I wont be mad if you never make it lol ill continue support your work!)

So- IM SO WHIPPED FOR SEONGHWA. Been loving my man for years now lmfao so you already know whos this aboutt~, anyway hehe, i was thinking maybe writing 9th member fem!reader ! Ateez (and reader included ofc ofc) are going on vacation in a really nice hotel, with beach outside, everything's perfect for the members to relax a bit from their busy schedule! Reader is also kind of bf and gfs with seonghwa? I mean everyone in the industry AND out of the industry ships them, call them power dynamic and stuff and, even before that, reader and hwa always had that tense. Yk, reader is prettt close with all of her members, they feel like big brothers to her but fucking Park Seonghwa is driving her AND HIM insane since training day. Reader though, is mostly closer with Mingi if not Seonghwa and they are so so touchy with each other, flirting but for fun and nuh uh girl Seonghwa is POSSESSED. Hes so jealous and he doesnt even hide it. Doesnt even try to hide it. He doesnt have a problem with Mingi but when he sees his hands all over you gosh he really wants to make him watch you getting railed by him.

+ its beach day and ateez decide to play shoulder fights? Chicken fight? Lol idk how to say it and Reader get paired with Mingi which causes Seonghwa watching her thighs all over Mingis face. Ahhh- JEALOUS MUCH. Let me add also that of course Seonghwa and reader share the same room so in their way back from the beach it was so tense. Lol- kind of vers2 from your hongjoong jealous bf fanfic. (I RLY LOVED IT BTW🥲)

Im so so sorry if I didn't give you my exact thoughts but- i trust you enough to make it your own~ adding your little details and everything. Youre so talented I dont think you need my details- I think i gave out the main parts!

Thank you so much for your time and I hope you have, will have and had a nice day<33 im so excited for your new works!

(English is not my first language btw so excuse me if something did not make sense)

(actual representation of me reading the beginning of that message-- please??? what if I'm kicking my feet in the air and squealing right now? that was adorable! thank you so much ♥ I'm nowhere near beautiful, what you see is the disgusting reflection of my neverending love for Kim Hongjoong, nothing moooore...!)

I'm so sorry it took me AGES to get this request done but it is finally posted ♥ here ♥ !

I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for requesting and for your lovely words! ♥

[loopscereal]

idk if you've explained this already or if i've already asked it butttt how did spring and golden meet? how did they become friends? what's their friendship like? i wanna knowww more abt their friendship :3

hiii thank you for asking :)

How did they meet?

They met through coincidence. Or luck, as Golden considers it. Golden has a bathroom attached to their bedroom, and as happens with all bathrooms at some point issues come up. There was a faulty leak in the thing, and Spring was hired to fix it. At the time, Golden was so fixated on a project of theirs that they couldn't remove themselves from their room, and regardless of that they didn't want to leave the thing alone with a stranger, and so they stayed there in their room as Spring worked. 

How did they become friends?

It meant quite a lot to Spring that Golden was way more focused on their own thing rather than how Spring looked, not making a spectacle out of him, or any sort of reaction. They were simply fully absorbed in their own thing. Conversely, it meant a lot to Golden to have someone respect their space and not misgender them off the bat, both things that they don't run into often. Spring not knowing anything about their family was also a great little bonus. As Spring finished what he was hired for, he showed some simple, non-intrusive, interest in what Golden’s passion, then came back the next day with some photos in line with it, to have something to talk about. At that point in their lives they were both very starved for interaction, Golden being very sheltered, and inherently distanced from anyone due to their family’s fame, and Spring being distanced from everyone other than his brothers due how busy he was through work and because of the average person's adverse reaction to how he looks and how he lives. Neither of them are treated normally by everyone aside from some select people. Golden’s seen and treated  as better than other people due to their last name, Spring is seen and treated as worse than other people because of his face. Golden is seen as a worse person due to having their whole life handed to them on a silver platter, and Spring is seen as a better person due to having worked and  persevered through his life.

Being seen as just another random person without either of them being inherently better or worse was really nice for both of their heads, both of them tend to just be treated differently in that way you can feel, so being equals was just nice. Of course they've had their lighter judgements of each other, but it really does mean nothing compared to the big things they both immediately shrugged off/ didn't care about. 

So they were both pretty isolated people, socially speaking. Starved for that sort of interaction, and took some interest in each other's interests. Spring takes notice of certain buildings and architecture, alongside other things Golden is into and takes photos of them to send their way. Golden does this too as they learn about Spring and his interest in graffiti and arts. They'll send him photos of any graffiti they find, art they think would interest him, both of them invite the other to talk about what they like, and treat each other decently. Eventually they drift from talking solely through images or questions about the others interests, and into other things. Off hand comments about interviews and family things turn into actual conversations, as people do. 

What's their friendship like?

I don't get this question? good? it's good?

They send each other photos, ask aboutt each other's interests, and have known each other for llllike 2 years now? They're each other's best friends, I guess. Though Golden really doesn't like that comparative hierarchy when it comes to relationships. But if you had to measure/ give it a name, they spend a lot of time together and know a lot about each other. More than some (cough spring) would like.

uh idk a little tense when it comes to other people, bc spring is 8 years older; although neither of them feel like he’s all that old, Spring grew up way too fast and now he’s kinda perma 16 in his head and Golden has always been seen as “ahead” for their age and just generally different and mature (they r just quiet leave them alone god). But yeah the age difference makes it look kinda weird/bad, alongside that Golden always has that sort of pressure to be attentive about anyone who could run into them and recognize them so being reserved about it is their default go-to.

 Also Fox. has. some issues, when it comes to people being close to his family, which Golden has noticed and made sure to never bring Spring up around him, or really any of the animatronics as not to make the topic of him come up casually. Though Chica broke this streak but THATS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. <3 <3 <3

Another way they bond is via pokemon, Golden loves the games, the anime, anything that comes out of the franchise. Spring does not and has never had the time to sit and get into things, he's always too busy, but in an effort to maintain their friendship, he once again takes interest in something Golden is into, and that is available to him. (no way in hell he's affording a console, games, AND has the time to play much-less complete them) Anyway, It's the pokemon anime. He downloads some episodes and watches them while he has time (when there’s no customers or it's just dead time) and is bored out of his mind. He takes notes in a document, then when he gets home he sits down, takes all the notes, and makes as much of a proper paragraph as he can, then sends it to Golden. Then they talk about the episodes,  its cool, it's chill. yay bonding over an interest and getting into it yourself. (a lil bit idk. he must like it a little…its not PURELY obligation to their friendship…silly show)

[prettyboykatsuki]

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

mamas boy - m. atsumu 

➳ tags ;; fem!reader, fluff, a little emo 

➳ wc ;; 1.1k

➳ plot ;; you and atsumus mom meet for the first time 

she can see it all over your face that you are the kind of love her son was destined to find

➳ a/n ;; why did writing this make me ugly cry... 

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

atsumu miya doesn’t plan on leaving you home alone with his mother during your first meeting. 

but he’s something of a mamas boy, and when she ruffles his hair and hands him a paper bills folded neatly, he already knows the drill. she wraps her hand around his closed fist and lists off the ingredients one by one - green onions, ginger, and 2 cloves of garlic. 

then she whispers something while looking at you, sharp eyes as she leans up and says whatever secret she can’t let you in on. you squirm a little in your seat, trying your best not to be intimidated. it’s hard, because atsumu miya’s mother is.. well.. intimidating. 

and you’ve seen her in pictures, many times in fact. she’s a single, working mother. she smokes skinny cigarettes and has two ashtrays just on the kitchen table when you arrive. they’re a pair - a black and white cat. her hair is streaked with salt and pepper grey but it’s still a rich brown everywhere else. she has a mild case of crows feet but soft looking hands - a mole on her right one. her nails are painted a fresh purple, lavender and unchipped. 

you can’t sit still at the table. she hasn’t spoken much to you at all but you can hear her pull out a chair with a back of her foot. she brings a pairing knife, two bowls, a cutting board - clearly well-loved.

the first thing she picks out of the basket is an apple of many. you give her a panicked smile, hands flailing

“oh! uh, lemme help you with that,”

she shakes her head, puts the whole thing down before patting the pocket of her apron. a package of pretty cigs.

“mind if i smoke?” 

you shake your head. she nods, smacks the plastic against her palm three times before cracking it open. she lights with a decorative lighter. it’s engraved with something. the match flickers and the air fills with the lightest scent of tobacco. she lets it hang from her lips, taking a sharp inhale before letting it out in a long cloud. 

one thing you know for sure is she’s the type of woman you could only dream of being. shoulder length hair, pushed back with only a hairband. she cuts the skin of the apple with her fingers curled around the knife, thumb against the blade with confidence. it cuts smooth, sharp. 

“i’ve heard a lot about you,” 

your first reaction is to be surprise. you let out a confused really? before shutting yourself up - but for the first time in conversation, she laughs. it’s warm and a little raspy. 

“don’t be so nervous,” and her voice goes a little softer “im surprised that knucklehead could pull someone as pretty as you,” 

this time you flush, cheeks warm as she gives you a smile. it’s sly in a familiar way, a little knowing too. she taps the ash of her cigarette and starts cutting the skinless apple into slices. the peel goes in one bowl, the fruit in the other.. 

“ah.. thank you,” 

she nudges a slice towards you, chuckling when you eat it with a soft chomp. 

“atsumus always been stubborn as a bull. so is samu, but atsumu is real loud about it - always got something to say,” 

the words ring so true you let out a full, rowdy laugh - covering your mouth a little. she’s unfazed, agitation and affection woven intricately together.

“his head damn big and he’s too arrogant - noisy and never picks up his damn socks,”

her every word is full of love, the unmistakably critical kind. the kind of love that is ugly and unconditional. it’s a tough love, through and through. hardened by years of experience. 

“but he’s a good kid. not free of flaws, but he’s... good. i think i raised ‘em alright,” 

you nod, big and bright like the sun.  it’s always been her and her boys - something like love and romance so lost on her - she’d almost forgotten what it looks like. 

almost. 

but she still remembers love, even now - when she was was young and rosy and glowing just like you are. she can see it all over your face that you are the kind of love her son was destined to find. the kind of love that looks past her shoulders and stares at the baby photos on the wall. the kind of love that offers to cut fruit, the kind of love that eagerly urges one to try. to press forward. the kind of love that stays and grows and fixes. 

when she remembers what love looks like - she can see it all over your skin. in the strands of your hair. the corners of your mouth, in the center of your gravity. 

“... he better be a good man to you. if he’s bein’ a shit, come find me and i’ll set him straight” 

and her voice shakes like a leaf in the wind. her heart aches in a way she could never expect. and she can feel her own resolve crumbling, just a little. this unexpected feeling that she hadn’t lost her son but gained a daughter instead.

“i’ll keep that in mind,” and you stare at the ring on your finger with affection, at her with gratitude that words couldn’t carry “but.. he’s a great man to me. always been,” 

and her heart clenches. and she thinks to herself - she did alright after all this time. the affirmation is so heavy, she gives you a trembling smile. it’s all she can afford. what a weight you’ve lifted so easily off her shoulders. that she raised a good man, the kind their father could never be. 

“ma! i’m home,” 

both of you are startled as atsumu struts into the kitchen. there’s a cake (the secret!) from a bakery, and the groceries she’d so headily request. he sets the bags down on the kitchen table, next to the white cat. he leans to kiss his mothers temple and returns to wrap his arms around your shoulders, kiss your cheek and nudge it. 

“what’d you two ladies talk about while i was away,” 

and you roll your eyes and smile at her, wink - like the two of you share a secret you can’t let him in before rolling your eyes. 

“oh you know, just how you can’t pick up after your damn self miya,” 

he scoffs, stares at his mother indignantly as you laugh your ass off. 

“ma, c’mon! it’s not even that bad,” 

she looks at you, and smiles - shaking her head. the cigarette has gone all to ash. the sun is setting beneath the trees and it feels like a heavy burden has been lifted off her shoulders.

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

[aleriawrites]

History of Alerïa: The Battle for Reyla

The Island of Reyla was discovered by Reyla of the Bukhar Desert for the Crown. She, along with her crew of ex criminals, stumbled upon this territory inhabited by a people known as the Eikko. They reported their discovery to the then Queen Lasair who allowed a group of Alerïans to travel abroad and settle in hopes of starting their lives anew. Crown Princess Leia was one of the many firsts to travel across the Eidar Ocean and begin a new family on the Island of Reyla, after giving up her right to be Queen. Although the Settlers were greeted with warmth and compassion as the winds winter approached the alliance between the Eikko and the Alerïans too turned sour. A war ensued between the two groups resulting in the Eikko being displaced from their land and seeking refuge at the cold peaks West of the Twin Rivers. A treaty was drawn by the two groups promising a future of peace. In this treaty, the Eikko agreed to not bear arms, to not cross East of the Twin Rivers and to not conspire against the Alerïan Colony. At this moment, the Eikko are suffering tremendously as they are experiencing sickness, anxiety, depression, starvation and extinction.

tagging [if you would like to be added or removed pls let me know]: @dusklightserenade @homesteadchronicles @dczwrites @mayawritesbooks @writing-in-rain @lady-redshield-writes @inky-duchess

[meddameron-blog]

           ❝        you      managed      to     have     a      soft     heart     and      peaceful    mind    despite     the     CRUELTY     of       the       world.     ❞   –––––    ESTABLISHED   DECEMBER   2015

[catcherkazuya]

⚾🌟 daiya no ace liveblogging, episode 28 🌟⚾

(Awwwww yeah WE BACK AGAINNN) - lmao why is sawamura so excited to be up early ?? I fuckin wish I was like that

- honestly I'm glad that furuya is doing some self-reflection;; he needs it - 28 episodes and we still jamming 🎶 - omg I feel like I'm watching this show for the first time in so emotional I will never take another break again 😢

- LOLOLOL he was asleep on the floor I'm deaddd 💀 - “MORNING!” awwwwww 💕💕 cuties - ughh that side profile miyuki ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS 

- good lord this thirst is already starting,, is it me or that green hoodie is making him looking like a snacccc ?? - YESSS MAEZONO he's just so lovable and excited okay vice captain I see youuu - wow fuckin mochi and miyuki treat him so DIRTYY 

- wowow okumura fuckin declineddd sawamura based on his presence - he's was like 🙅🏾‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️🚫🙅🏾‍♀️🚫🚫🚫 - yo this struggle when they're in class is such a real thing - idk how they even have energy after morning practice bc I would be OUT - OH MY BABY IS TRYING SO HARDD - ooh we love practice games~ - jfc miyuki why are you a complete asshole ?? 😂 maezono is tryingg - uuuuuh why does miyuki look so GOOD ????!? fuccck 

- YESSS HIT THAT SHITTTT that's my whole mf husband put some respect on his NAME - aaa! aa! haurichi called mochi "you-san" 😭😭💕 my heart - FURUYA .??? ASKING ONO ??? TO CATCH ??!?! 

- furuya is so petty lol - Wow my first years @9:35 look great what the heck 

- yui is taking all his opportunities 👏🏾👏🏾 that's what I'm talking aboutt - wow I'm so proud of maezono like - C'MON SHIRASUUUU my heart literally lights up when I see him - omg everyone looks up to sawamura I AM SO 💞💗💝💓💞 - furuya was really having this moment and then BAM his whole fucking soul comes out of his body - OOOOOHH I FORGOT ABOUT HIS SHOULDER - yo this is giving me miyuki vibes from second season 🤧

- mhmm let the doctor tell you straight - your body 👏🏾 is 👏🏾 telling 👏🏾 you to 👏🏾 calm the fuck 👏🏾 down - also why that doctor look like he just got electrocuted - LISTENN 

- WHA all the third years just standing in the road that's so menacing wtf lol - whewwww that's serious miyuki right there @ 19:22  

- Okay but did miyuki think that he was supposed to save or prevent furuya from being injury if he was his permanent partner ??? Because furuya was really doing this shit to himself out of internalize anxiety over being the ace - there is no one person who was gonna "save" furuya other than himself so 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ - MAEZONOOOOOO PLEASE BE MY BIG BROTHER I NEED THAT KIND OF SUPPORT 💞💞🤧

- what what ? this tension is so good !! - sawamura said BUMP ALL THAT I'M STILL TRYING ACE IDGAF ABOUT YO SHOULDER - I mean he didn't really say that but y'all know what I mean

this week’s end card (ft. these two dumbasses seidou’s rivals)

[survivormanhattanbeach]

Episode 3: “She hates girls”- Dani

I AM PISSED. I AM SO MAD AT BRANDAN RIGHT NOW. WHAT THE HECK. I WAS TOTALLY TRANSPARENT WITH HIM. HONESTLY??? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUtT FLIPPING WITH HIM AND JULIAN IFFFFF THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED ME. AND JULIAN?? I TOLD HIM I HEARD HIS NAME, I TOLD HIM. WHY IS HE ATTACKING ME FOR BEING HONEST??? I'm so glad I have Lucy and Andreas but Brandan better waTCH OUT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST WITH HIM. WHAT THE HECK i'm sorry, i'm just so MAD right now

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO all my alliance members are on different tribes, I am so sad. ALso I'm with Brandan. -___________- I don't know who else is even on my tribe. I like Kevin and the others are all okay but UGH WHY BRANDAN WHEN I AM SO IRRITATED WITH HIM STILL?? bring me back lucy and andreas :( 

Okay so yay for a tribe swap but uhm it's kinda homophobic that not only am I not on a tribe with Dani or Ryan, but that I can't even speak to them now!! I'm still drinking with Dani on Saturday though so suck it hosts. This tribe is alright, like I said not my favorite set up but I don't feel completely screwed. I'm with Joey which is good because he's loyal to me, but people are going to assume we're working together since he picked me, also he isn't good at talking to new people so idk if that's gonna end up bad for us lolol. But yay for being on a tribe with Sarah! Idk she's iconic and I'd like to work with her. I talked to Andreas for a bit and he was nice, I'd hope we could work together. I started talking to Junior again before the swap so I don't feel completely off on him. Billy is the only one I've barely talked to, but he was on Sarah's old tribe so I think they're gonna stick together??? I just hope that we can win some challenges so that I don't have to worry.

when trace and johnny give you lemons.... (ie- brandan) you make lemonade. I am currently kissing brandan's ASS right now. i told him that if he and julian asked me to flip i would have and all kinds of other lies just because i don't need any drama with him on this tribe going forward, I NEED numbers so whatever i'm going to be his new best friend and pretend to forget about tribal but I'm still PISSED. 

This tribe swap is fucking disgusting. Why do i have to be on a tribe with junior. Im just glad jake is here and maybe him, billy and i can work together and grab someone else to work with us if we go to tribal 

Okay so last night I was on call with Joey and he was like "someone told me you wanted to vote me out round 1" and I was like yeah it's true but you didn't have to say it. And big surprise it was Keaton that told him this. So now it's a new day and lo and behold I'm on a tribe with Keaton's snake ass and as much as I don't trust him I have to play nice because the boy knows WAY too much about my game and my personal life for me to risk crossing him so basically I just go from one migraine to another bouncing between my exes. If I get swap fucked I will be showing up in Johnny's PMs with virtual pitchforks. xoxo Madison

https://youtu.be/5oLRQqS00UU

VL Confessional Cause you tried to play both sides You got caught up in your lies And now you're runnin' You're runnin' out of time Try again, cause the game is over https://imgflip.com/gif/2vicz3

Wtf! Why did we switch tribes right as I felt so good????? Now I’m in a tribe where I feel like I can’t connect to anyone except dan and sometimes Tom. I made an alliance with Tom, Madison, and Dan. I’m trying to ensure our safety Incase we do go to tribal. Keaton came to me and said he wants to target Madison and honestly I’m really down for that. So I think I can use this as an advantage. I can either tell Madison Keaton is after him and we get him. Or I can team up with Keaton and Lucy and get one other person to flip and we get Madison. Tbh only down for Madison because she doesn’t seem to like me at all. I’ve also heard she hates girls. Which is a little obvious :p. I hate that. GIRLS GOTTA PROTECT GIRLS. But nooooo she loves attention. Ok ranting done.

VL CONFESSIONAL I feel like Jake is my #1, but Dani is visiting him today(lucky girl.) I feel like I would do a disservice to a majority of straight men in this game if I didn’t hum the intro to “Ether” at least once. Also, fuck Jay-Z.

Heya, time for a little update! As of now, I am getting a little frustrated with my tribe (love Jake though). But before I get carried away, let's see how well we do in the immunity challenge. I am not sold on the song choice, but I appreciate that a few people give active input. I'll do my part as best as I can and hope that it'll be enough for at least 2nd place... Should we lose, I'll try to get a solid group with Jake and Junior, and add a player, who one of the other three wanna vote for. At this point, none of Joey, Sarah or Billy play a major role for my future plans in this game. Billy could become a close ally as he seems to be very underrated in this game. Sarah could become a close ally because she's a cool cat. Joey idk about. We're not bonding that well rn. 

I have no faith in my tribe at all I somehow feel like this video is about to be 3 minutes of just me and a cameo of mark and his adorable kids x_x Time to make my cousins make some videos with me so I have a lot to edit in because I SURE can’t rap in time with this song 

Okay Isaac is sending weird clips of himself from challenges I’m not sure if that will cut it but I’ll take whatever I can edit together at this point DJSJS

Me seeing the other videos and prepping to go to tribal... also a picture of Tom booty poppin should be on the dvd cover

VL CONFESSIONAL THANK YOU JUDGESSSSSSSSSS! YOU GUYS ROCK! JESS LET ME BUY YOU A BUNCH OF TIM HORTONS. Alyssa, fried chicken at Red Rooster on me when I visit😃?

I know I haven’t been around much. But I hate this swap. I hate this tribe. I know NO ONE who I feel will be willing to keep me safe with them. So I actually have to work hard to talk to people. Music videos are not my forte. But I have to contribute because if we lose then I’ll be someone on the chopping block for sure. And I can’t have that. I’m just hopping we can slam challenges and then we can make it to the next swap. But I hope Sarah and Jake stay close with me. I really like them both. Jake is really cool to talk to and he’s not bad to look at either. Sarah is my soul sister. Then there’s Joey, who has this plan to get rid of Andreas and honestly I’m kinda ok with it. Anyone but me is how I’m feeling. I just gonna find somewhere to sink my teeth into this game and take a bite. I don’t want to be a background day player with no story line and shitty gameplay.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=zfISjcq23KU

Okay so I think I'm gonna go for Billy this round. I didn't want to lose because I think I have good connections with everyone on our tribe, but someone's gotta go. Billy makes me worried now because he said in our tribe chat that Tom told him we lost, so bitch you cross tribaling??? Andreas and Junior both told me they like me and each other so I think they're trying to form a group of 3 there? Sarah also said she liked me and Billy and I like Sarah but it might be hard trying to get her to vote Billy out. Joey originally said he wanted Andreas out and that he likes Billy, but Billy told me and Junior that Joey was spreading Andreas name, so I let Joey know that Billy's doing that, and I think Joey trusts him less now. We'll see what happens. I just don't my name going around like last time. I just need another tribe swap ASAP.

So now were going to tribal bc johnny announced the results wrong. Johnny is a pissy player and cant stand when other hosts mess up but wants us to understand when he does..hm TEA Anyways ill see what i can do to make sure I do not go home. I think i have junior, and jake and billy but we shall see

Literally fuck off. HOW IS IT FAIR THAT THE HOSTS fucked up and they wont give us an extension??? INTERESTING????????? Why does one tribe get over a day and we get less than 12 hours..lol ok what ever maybe get your fucking shit together before fucking over ppls games 

Well look at it, we lost again. Great! Just great! And people seem to be thrilled to go to Tribal Council! They're so excited that they throw the challenges! So me being a straight shooter, I immediately target Billy, who has slacked the most on this new tribe and would be a fair call (on paper). But it's only natural that people have their own agenda and I am being targeted by Joey and Billy at least. Sure, Joey might still be up in the air, but either way, I NEED to believe in Jake and Junior here to vote for for Billy, or I am toast. And if Billy doesn't step up next round, so are Jake and Junior. I have nothing against Billy, but this season we don't really get along too well. We had a fun chat today, but it felt like it was too little to late for me in this season. Let's see what happens in this mess of a round :D Love Johnny though, I don't blame him. I really wanna stay and fight for all the people on my tribe to stay in this game!

Ok, so as per usual in premerge, my fate rests within other peoples hands. That's just how I play and that's totally okay with me. The scenarios I can see are: 4-2 Billy/Me (which is what's being sold to me sort of with Billy and Sarah voting for me) 4-2 Me/Billy (if Jake sticks to Joey and they decide to ride the tide and vote out Billy over Junior if they lose another TC) 5-1 Me/Billy (if they all wanna be safe lmao, but Junior seems really sincere, so I doubt this happens!) I can't scramble too hard at this vote, because I really feel that Jake wants to keep me around and me reaching out to others will make me appear like a bigger name to write down. I 50:50 Hate/Love each tribe I'm on and I hate that I am such a sulky old man in this season, but that's just a new facette of good old me.

https://youtu.be/i6ZY0hrvDaM

I am SO glad that we won! the judges were HARSH, huh? But it's okay, we still won! I really hope that andreas is going to be okay tonight, I'm just a little worried but I think maybe Billy will be the one to go?? Maybe. 

I fucking wrote out a long ass confessional and then it refreshed and I wanna die, so here are the highlights: I love how Johnny has progressed enough in life to recruit 5 iconic female judges in the name of feminism, but has not progressed enough to perform basic arithmetic I want the f5 to be original Robinsons and I trust them as follows: Mark > Dani = Ryan > Junior I want a f3 with Mark and Junior because Dani is a big social threat and I would always vote for a woman over a man because fuck men, and it’s like the laws of feminism I’m really happy I haven’t had to go to tribal yet, let’s keep it moving and NO DOUBLE OR TRIPLE TRIBALS PLSSSS

It looks like this is a wrap y’all. Unless sarah actually pulled some miracle out of her ass and convinced them all to vote Andreas then it’s time to blow my flame out. I’ve been on the outs ever since I was picked last. So I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise. 

[sherereadssthemanuscript]

No offense to you for being a Jake fan or complaining about Yvonne because I get it, but why are all the Jake fans complaining about Yvonne and calling her a witch and other things that girls shouldn't say about each other when Sean fans 🙋🏼have his ex who is a literal queen constantly talking aboutt how she planned her life with him and getting to feel like you've wronged her? And the best part is most of the fandom ships them even though they didn't have trust

Hmm... yeah I can see that. The hypocrisy ... but IDK we just feel awful and I didn't even think how bad Sean fans must feel

[subjectsilver]

I wish i was mr happy.

here a story for you - i can't see anything because i got drunk and didn't properly close my contact case then i kicked them on the floor while i was sleeping...now I'm blind as fuck because i have only 1 contact left and don't want to wear just one... i asked my mom to send some like a week ago but she didn't so I'm going to be blind until tuesday afternoon....btw  being blind is not fun because what I've learned is that when you can't see you have one less distraction for your thoughts -  laid in bed all day with thoughts of suicide and refused to leave so i didn't hurt myself. eventually it passed as i took a shower and cried for a little

Monday night i had a dream that emma was bragging to me about her next boyfriend and my response was “HA HA tbh i don give a fuck and they shouldn't either (i was pointing at josh and hand)” bc she was bragging about how her life is set and all planned out now and i was like tbh they should be just as disappointed in you as i am for planning out your life because thats not happiness i was like spontaneity  is happiness - and thats not who you are you are spontaneous not this future planner girl - and then she got up and ran to me started crying and hitting me and hugging me and she was like i wanna be with you and i started crying and i was like no i can't do that right now

i woke up sobbing and soaked in sweat

TUESDAY i had a dream that i was on the side of this road in this own wish grass field with my mom and grandma and suddenly josh smith showed up and i distinctly remember him wearing a white shirt with horizontal orange stripes one inch thick and all the trees around me had n leaves and i went to climb one so i could pee off of it and my mom climbed up and pushed me off and i woke up.

i had a second dream that night that was at a are sremmurd concert except it wasn't at a large venue it was some basement looking type place and it was some random artist that was complete trash i went to this board that had facts about the show and i saw that the show was put on by this guy who was famous in history for his tragedies  - so i think the show was suppose to emulate some trash event in history but it as modern day rap and it was god awful.

WEDNESDAY i had a dream that i ate this caesar salad then i couldn't stop spying out lettuce from my mouth....kinda like  how a clown pulls scarves out continuously, i just kept pulling out mouthful sizes of lettuce it was extremely weird, I've never had a dream like it before

this week started off decent but then went downhill tbh.. when I'm not actively doing something to distract me i literally just sit and  my own head until i tilt off the face of the planet. i hate how much i think about dying and death in general i just can't escape the thoughts. there are multiple times a day or a week that i feel so numb and i just want to hurt myself just so i can feel something physically not really sure if it makes a lot of sense but its like an addictive feeling t me...its like a craving like cigarettes like i want to hurt myself so badly sometimes i just want to see myself bleed.

its really sad when i think aboutt it

when you think thoughts in your head i feel like generally its your own voice that you hear your thoughts in and u are consciously generating these thoughts.... sometimes when i get low i hear a voice in my head that ins my own and like it just appears and I'm not really sure if its just there or if I'm generating it..because when i catch it finally it goes away...but whatever it tells me is usually horrible and downs the fuck out of me and tilts me and makes me feel so small.

6 days into taking prozac one or two weeks to go.....havent really been eating - nothing new i have noticed tho that when you're skinny and don't need a lot to fill up you save so much money on food. i bought 2 chippotl bowls and i got 4 meals out of it.

i think that I'm going to try harder to stay away. maybe less snapchat stories - and less soundcloud reposting of songs because like my ex can hate me but for her to actually move soon i feel like i need to just become a memory to her and maybe thats not for e to say but i feel like she wants to move on from me and doesn't like me and even though its the exact opposite of what i want ill try to give her that.

its actually so annoying to type when you can't even see the letters of the keys when ur mac sits 18 inches from your face. i have to pull the laptop super close to my face if i think i made a mistake so i can correct it. even though i literally laid in bed all day i still kinda feel tired...im also trying to get 8 hours of sleep a night bc my mom said it'll make me feel better -  well that and I'm not really trynna have many episodes of forgetting 30 minutes of my life by zoning out into a sleep or day dream.

i had so many thoughts during the week for this moment where i sit down and type it all back to myself but now that I'm sitting ere I'm just kind of drawing a blank.

lief is just crazy for me right now.... its just such a weight on my back and its crushing me and suffocating me and drowning me

when i get down i feel like I'm a completely different person.. when I'm up or even bc I'm never really up killing myself makes zero sense to me...but when I'm really low i feel like its the only thing that makes sense like it is my destiny. 

i laid in bed and watch batman and youtube and listened to hella music toady it was pretty relaxing ig guess except not rule because i was role low and had a ton of anxiety until i started watching batman after i took a hot shower.

my whole family on my dads side is actually in NC right now... they drove thru the city I'm in to go on vacation to the beach...wouldve loved to go to the beach with the little ones but i guess they didn't feel like picking me up or thought i was busy or something, maybe didn't have the room idk.

loose rocks gotta fall its part of the climb...i am a few peoples loose rock and i understand  that as much sense as it doesn't make i can still see where it does. but i need to start my own climb. the thing that gets me is that i feel like if I'm a loose rock to someones life they are a loose rock to mine bc thats not the people i want in my life but i do understand....idk ?fate? ?trial?

that whole paragraph probably didn't even make sene I'm  not rule sure how to convey it and i can't even see what I'm saying so whatever...

oh shit i almost forgot that i watched so many fucking space views today it was crazy dude space is wild and we probably live in a snow globe also the earth is flat.

i hope this week is better than the last. i really do

“every breathe that i inhaled felt like i was trying to push 150 pounds with the movement of my lungs” -cam meekins

[failinginvestigativejournalist]

Dont freak out, itss just writing

i grew up fast (so fast) (too quick nigga) (wish i went through when i was just a bit bigger) can you tell me who the parent is uh ya the first time i drove a whip i was a fuckin kid, (96 suburban nigga) (yo yo, did you tell em why) oh ya shit my fault my mom was bleeding from her chin i dont know what from or what about, scared to death i took that drive to the ER (Medical SHIIIT) (mom got too drunk again and feel out) (wheres dad? in his room his doors locked, figures i dont expect, as i try to knock (no answer nigga) i dont blame em he removes himself from the sitiation so he dont hit her) ya i fucking grew quick, ya i fucking tryed some shit, the first time i dropped out and took some shroomies i was age 6 plus 6, thats 12 for the illiterates, actually aas a matter a fact it was fuckin pleasant as fuck as i drew back the droe and took another hit. now that i think that was the day, older brother came and gave me cig i obliged no way to say nay, i was still trippin and it was a sensational feelin, it left me stumblin and dizzy a head rush like no other i was hooked for live to the day and i dont blame him, i dont think he knew what he had started, adding to the compilation of the monsxter inside that took refuge and started, poison in his mind, the drugs altered his brain activity but he was buckled up and commited to the ride.Shit i just said in third person let me apologize to yall sometimes the ideas flow together like two fortune five mergin, these feels of hate be strong ya im hurtin, i cant blame no one, i cant choose the family i was birthed in, started sniffin ups felt my blood surgin, gotta big head but my nemisis, the evil inside myself was bigger aboutt the size of a white sturgeon, like some northern ish that canadain shit like british columbia or somethin idk, alls i can say is that BC bud out that bitch is my fav to blow, the sour D, diesel to be exact for you niggas who waana try to nit pick or correct my personal facts, let me just speak at you,  all the hatin niggas tryin bring me down, bad news, i do drugs like steve from fuckin blues clues, but my rents always on time when that xshits due, any ways i side tracked speaking of tracks just lined some shit up did with speed did with need i did it with tact, im dextrous and shit i always have a unique train of thought oh shit trains again trains derailed at this point hhaaha i crack myself up sometimes with the wit in my words leh-let you in on the pun so you can join in my fun, about the lines the lines are no more you didn arrive in time i promise these raps have rhythm they have rhyme i aint spittin to waste your time, i aint spittin to catch a dime, bag or bitch, it really dont matter, niether last long but they are still my niche, come here bitch come hit this shit, this time dont have a fit, mind over matter just stick yuh nose in these rails sit down for a bit, drink some wata, go to your happy place we are gettin to old for me to have tote on yuh just from hitten lines but i put up wit it, you got that 50 thou boat on yuh, not to mention your ride, that shit is so sweet i cant decidddee which id rather seed, as in inseminate with my seaman as i play the part as a seaman workin for seimans on a marine voyage i aint like you im a higher being, i dont know whatchu talkin whatch your eyes be seein i am a divine heathan i really cant fucking believe a niggas still breathin im a florida boy born and raised, i sit the fuck back drink my beer in the shade, high as i usually am a rinny tin tin rinscotts tale \down the rintin like a shark fin poatched by commercial fisherman thrown in a bin, no regard for life the human race is so greedy, people just aint my type, say what you want i know me best and i know im right. my creative talents on the other hand be outta sight, im my own worst enemy to cross the bridge pay the fee, trollin in the hood for that g, withdrawin, shakin i drop to my knee look up to the sky ask god if he sees. hear the sound of humming, huh must be bees, or im trippin out maybe its a flash back i dont remmember. whats th-this street, tremblin think my heat skipped a bit, or a couple shakinso bad my knes begin to buckle, anxiety can be dibilatated held me back from so much in life thers no debating. unfamiliar route. made it to this bar ordered a stout got to thinking, you may ask what about, this is why i like solitude to be on my own to answer to noone to depend on myself and live it to the fullest while im yung, my mind will reel, replaying all i know every single memory, that im capable of bringing back, i compare my brain to a file cabinet, i keep it hidden like in an office towards the back. A photographic memory is a gift and a curse, ill tell you whatat, if you dont keep it in check you will end up in a herse, sure you can remember the happy shit the good things in your life but you cant fucking forget the huge hits the fucking bad bitch the one who broke your heart? dounno how to forget you but i think i know where to start, i thought it was drugs, i numbed my body with chemicals little did i know with every shot the metaphorical shovel scooped out some more dirt from the inconcievable whole i fuckin dug. my life has been weird kinda like an opriental from a flee market an awkward rug, with no real spot in the house, was always the black sheep in the fam i tryed to tip toe as quiet as a mouse, some tom and jerry shit my mistakes and regrets cbhasing me around like tom the cat from that shit, I hide in my hidey whole, disconeected from any social environmeent i often found myself cryin, but self loathin is kinda like being a a gay with some dicks hes blowin, givin a ski job pitty is the lube hatred is the tube the vessel to carry out a deed the fags not sure about, hes experimentin comparable to some situations in my life cept wont catch me with two dudes in a shower, that was just a metaphor. you feel me? im sure the haters will hop all over that verse but just fuckinh hear me. I got my shades on and these bitches special, haters they block, they keep you no fun, sticklers out of sight out of mind like spf 75 sun block, that industrial shit, factory born hear the lunch bell on the horn, an  hour passes the busy bees come back to the floor to join the others to join the masses; the hoard., here the hum of the worker bees at work as they sneek rum in there flasks stuck it in to the hive got it past the queen time to catch a buzz to make this pain stop while i avoid the fuzz the narks at work, cant control it even if they wanted to stop. i dont want to hurt. this was a metaphor for the endless rut of a reality ive become accustomed to; succomed too, the low of the low. comparable to a german trench on the frontlines., my life feels like a conveyer belt, makin the same product running the same direction never really goiong any where, now thats was an analagy, keeping up? yung unsensitive how many? 0 fucks, 0 fucks giveen, 0 blights forgiven, spiteful to death and mornful for noone, nothing left inside just another no-go, malfunctioning product family be like feeling “ i feel like they robbed us” of our brother our son and our friend , dont worry fam im still with you in your hearts up to the end. im tired of our society with all its malice and fallacy, thinking to my self how sad it must be, to be washed in the brain to be hypnotized, this shits so insane.you want that shit super sized? of course nigga watchu you sayin. A glutonous society obsessed with self indulgence people actually still believe good people are in abundance. Speaking of which, fuck the people for a tec, have you looked around lately, this earth is a wreck, mark my words we headin straight for destruction, We are not being good care takers, we fuckckin actin so careless what doesdo the opeople in power really expect?? just pass it on to the next generation “ohh, its not our life time we will leave it for you” Thats a big fuck you to the generations after you undeserving self entitled fucks finallyy croak. get the fuck outa here, tell me when you sold your sold, you heartlesxs bastards would give anything for xsome more of that paper thgat rules all, the pressure you have put on everyone, no one is an exception, to support ourselves and loved ones to provide for our own and multiple other peoples nees, the urge to make money looms over our heads like a pestiliant storm cloud of angst and uncertainty, boreing a fucking whole in our moral, making peoplpe desperaate rising crime rates because people get desperate, people need to survive and they will do dam near whatever it takess to make the money they need, for whatever purpose.  ill whipe my ass with it throw in your cards i will win you better fold. i have freeedom, you ask what? anominity you fuckers, i can moldd my own life i have the freedomm of choosing, i certainly dont have to wait for legislation to pass a bill which you bribed for votes to do so anyways, to do something something much worse than im capabloe of ever doing, intentionally ruining the environment and turning our planet to mars just for paper with and idea (with a “hey, take our word for it, its worth something “””WE PROMISE”””” fucks) behind it not even gold bars, fuck you niggas mark my words illl bring all you mother fuckers down, ill run you fucks out of town, you hear that sound? its a train. its my passion and my determination to take you out, maybe ill use a fuckin plane? i mean its o.k. for the CIA to do it, right? Create this ridiculously elaborote ruse this plot, thyat fucking fooled all the ignorant and brainwashed americans you have already sucked in with your cancerous propaganda, kids lost to your bullshit through social media and the fucking criteria you make teachers teach young minds, we are taught from a very young age that “ huraaahh america is number one! Terrorists bad! Environmental destruction of a planet good!” how about we help some of the third woorld countries (which you know we wouldnt have to be gunning down women and children in the streets) we could just like give them the water they need? help them gentrify there communities teach them how to develop better skills, teach them more efficient ways to take advantage of their land, maybe bring some seeds to food sources that can be grown creating a bit of self sustainability that may not be indigenous but would grow in their country?? you greedy fucks just want oil, when we have enough in our reserves in alaska/canada to last north america 500 years falsey blame others, create an imaginary war “the war on terrorism, which infact is a fucking cover a false entity, to entice patriotism to loosely keep this crumbling empire together the last attempt, the only thread left in the button holding up the pants we call america, you forgot to tell the word all that shit is just whack  [ simply a meticulously pplanned and executed ploy to spur interests in the middle east, control the oil and power will return back east, return to u, Cause god knows you tax the fuck out of us for EVERYTHING especially mnother fucking gas, so we can pay for wellfare and pay for fucking solar power for rich fucks who e==inherited wealth, people who hdont know what working a day means and never will be, never had a problem, never been broke “oh shit my fucking croket set is missingg a ball” lose the pretense fuckers, you cocksuckers, arrogant low lives.. Money makes you any better then the hard working man that cover your tax breaks pay like our fucking ppolice forces (who are a bunch of ROTC drop outs with a badge and sense of power nnow being unfair and crooked taking some kind of revenge on the idea of the kids who picked on them all through out school” Motherfucker its harder to become a plumber, the learning and process is longer/more rigorous then a 6 month police academy which is fucking my lil pony world ( ith ink there is a fantasy kids show for my lil pony with their own fantasy dimension/world)compared to a military bootcamp.  A doctrine instilled to stop the spread of communisim wherever and whenever it may presenet itsxelf? when is the fighting going to stop in that area of our dying earth, thjey have been fighting eachother since lifes initial birth, what whoever was in power or in charge of trading the petroleumn to us wanted to charge an extra dollar 4 dollars  aBARREL instead of 3??? whaa you fucking greedy cunts,? so we invade and take control put there people on dog collars?? for wshat a dollar difference in productionfreedom of speech as you mothers suck the livlyhood from our home like a blood sucking leech, so careless, you know exactly what your doing, you just dont care it aint your problem your headin towardcs the end your death is brewin, well im the reaper of death cloaked in black i always get my man like a cold inwe can hardly co-exist and efficiently function. We are on world one love bob marley shit im getting tired of going throught the motions im all fucked up inside and shit. Early development can be a lynch pin. to either set a strong first corner stone, ceremonial placement of the first corner stone, free mason shit, corn and vegetable oil, so many customs and traditions are goin down a fuckin hill catch em rollin. Early  life is so fucking critical for a young kid, childrens minds are like a sponge they are looking up to their elders they are developing mentally they consume everything around them and retain more than you know, give your kids a healthy and stimulating environment and they will let there talents grow let there talents show let there brilliance flow let there inhibitions go, gone like dust in the wind, never catch em in trouble nothing, not one sin. They will begin to get older, be super organized, super focused for school, every class haxs a folder. As you watch them grow you will feel it in your heart you will fuckin kno, atleast you did this at least you used your parental guidance for good. when you die you know youll be missed, your kid dont throw fits, not one bit, hes such a chip off the old block that was cliche as fuck haha tuck em inh for bed his forhead you kiss. I just might fucking shed a tear, I cant fight this urge to drink a beer. I cant deny this fucking fear, I must look like just like headlights shinin onm a deer, jock strap aroun d my ankles, dumbfounded, look in  my eyes, perplexed, look on my face as it hits, you get a certain taste in your mouth this race is coming to a close suddenly your filled with doubht, seriously you should be care free, yuou did your duty as a parent, im jealous wish that was me, chill the fuck out go drink some fucking relaxing tea or something, sobrietyy seems to be a good mixture along with love and rationality to make a family function like a well greased machine, like a mechanisim freshly whipped down with some white lithium grease. tuned and ready to go, temped to huff the fumes and left everything go, turn your car on shut the garage door, let death grip  you, dont seem to care anymore, I cant change the past and i have no regreats, will i make it to thirty? “right over here people!” “place your bets!”, ill take my tickets to my Life Show and just scalp em make some extra cash, im already absent, so detatched;incapable of feeling. even if im there aint nothing going on emotionally in there (guarantee you im smilin an nodding i really dont give 2 fucks no more”, take that money right to the plug i promote fucking drugs not hugs, or why not both? why does the saying have to be one or the other when sxometimes its both you desire the most. Take the scalpin’ money from the tickets to the play of my life, go on down to the hood, pick up some bags mis amigos habla “Drogas” los hermanos tambien, this urge is hard to fight. Its a romance [a ritual of being, so0mething un explainable i wish i was never a part of, im always metaphorically bleeding. My poker face is strong, fuck showing weakness i alwayxs thought it was to show emotuion. wrong....... but its not, it can save your life, can \get you through, throw you a life jacket, get you out of that tide you fought, that frigid water no warmer than dry eyes.. Ive always been a loose cannon, I go with the flow, not lookin back, been chillin with the old heads they were suprisxed i could hang and, back to the point haha literally or figuratively is the question... im not gonna keep you waitin or leave yall hangin, i hate cliff hangers, make me wait 45 five minutes leave me jonesin’ its slow goin like grindin that ‘crete in the hangers polishin’ that baby out and coatin with some apoxy, its a process, i just get my drugs, whate=vers around and hit bangersz til i pass out, thatsx how my life has been goingg, i feel like im in the chambers just waiting to be gassed out. Flip the fuuckin switch you fuckin pussy end all this malcontent and hate, make itt black, eternal reest at loast.. dress me up real nice maybe a sharp vest, go through the processions and go through the motions fucking burn my body bitches, i want to be in the ocean ive always felt drawn to it, like an unexplainable,, unatainable unfakeable feeling or notion. im happiest sippin a coctail right by the ocean,  thats where you put me to rest... ill be pissed as fuck dont treat me like a fucking ruck; i beenn aroound, age is but a number, my knowledge is  vast and profound, ya thats right bitch im fuckin educated, know more tthan you will learn in your life time and im 20 years, old get what im sayin? i dont got a big heaad im actually humble,  just at my  breaking point. if i was a volcanoe you would feel the rumble; the pre-emptive signs of an eruption pre-determineed in the creator’s mind he took his divine time to find a wayy to grin away the time it took to find the book i bind when al i want is to be stress free and unwind but im the opposite wound up liike the grandfather clock i wish i could stop , the wheels are in motion the gears are set to full speed the feels keep comin i got this itch; this notion, this inkling to stop minglin, stop wastin my time with u useless fuccks. i think its time, its not the end my journey, just started this epic tale of sorrow, my feelings have departed, im fuckingg frozen over colder than ice, dry ice. cant touch me im full of hate and vice, addictive personality on a suicide mission like a ffucking missionary willing to die for his faithh,. i wish man willing to be a martyr for his religion.. ya bitch i smoke stoges in the hotel room just send the  bill to him if it comes to me itll end up in the fucking rubbish bin with a looggie on top coughin up brown shit to young for that talk, to young for heart disease pack and a half a day to try to keep my miind at ease, the stress is buildin im like a tickin time bomb, im so wound up like a clock rigged to blow mount vesuvius, a test nuke... the alarm is soundinn off. A  bright flash like a million lightning strikes, bout to pop off.. but atleast with style got my limited eddition nikes, listen to me i soound like them, listen to me bitching like a fucking fem, bottle it up, thats what society saays, male suicide is at an all time high like two polar opposites due to wed, its never gonna work im always going to be sad im always going to hurt, no fuck it, im a lock it up and throw away the key, im gonna forget about all this shit and be a fuckin G, be hardcore like the brothhers, leave bitches cryin in the street like aall our fuckin mothers, 32 degrees ferenhiet tatted on my left pec it signifies the tempture of my heart no longer warm and red, its frozen over, it hardly beats, that shit is smaler than the grinches, i turned into what they want me to be, a danger to society, getthe fuck outa myface before i shoo,t b, I got nothing to lose, living for nothing, nada, goose eggs nigga dont give a fuck reckless, no regard for life i dont give two fucks a partridge in a ghetto street, aint no merry christmas song, i like my biches thick and dirty wearin'n some fesh tomy thongs, i use em abuse and enthuse them then ruse thm excusse them fuckin confusethem "why you so distaant all of the suden" keep the vow of silence, like a monk on a holy missio, a friar on a divine quest, sending telepathic messages look into my eyes and see, get the fuck out i was never real these feelings meant nothing to me manipulator, manipulationist making up woprds never been a relationist, the masster of his craft a ventrilliquist or a puppet master you were to blind to see, mama was right just a socio path, ya bitch tell your 7 year old child that; see how long his chipper attitude lasts, im lower than nothing, not even a worm maybe i could bbe a fucking tick suckin blood, noting left of the kid i used to be, no more self worth, i cant love you when i cant love myself, how you expect me to support you when all i do is grab a spoon andd melt all the money thaat comes my way, a junkie, bum destined for an early  death and you think yous my bride to be, sorry hun you reaad me wrong, i know its hard cause bitches never know whats goin on inside my head, as i lay in bea,d staring off to somewhere, anywhere but next toyou, staring off into space thinking about my drug abuse, asking myself why, but i know the answer ready to die, but i think ill get a lapper frm one more danceer, i wanna go out in style, not som lame shit maybe go up to a mountain and stand on a cliff, look down, see wher im destined to end up as i take the safety off, finger carressing the trigger, a cool wind blows as i prepare to leave my loved ones bitter, surprised they sstayed aound thislong only ever let em down ever since i was young, never good enough always disappointing this rap comes so easily writing it like noothing, to get this off my chest as theend comes near, i shaped my own destiny i chose to die, now i chose to die here, fuk your beliefs and your faith in gods plan i took my life intomy own fucking hands, i think we all know einstiens theory of insanity, i been doin the same shit fr so long now exspectin shit to change and, i guess im insane.. i took my brilliiant, my sharp mind and put it to waste. its time to pull the inevitable, the good die young idk in this case if thats viable, im scummy i did whatever it took to get my fix to kill that pitt  in my tummy. i hurt people close, i stole from my famil.y.. its time to end it, like i caqme into the world, by myself always alone, soemthing that my father toldme that really stuck, its cynical as fuck, but he was right. he said stay out of the bullshit the groggy muck. Only lookout for yourself son, ive been arounnd awhile, [people dont give a fuck about anyone else they care only for themselves, in the end at the most critical time they will always choose them instead of some one else. We are alone in this wrld and its the hard truth jut learn not to ddepend on others while you are still in your youth, ive been fucked over to many times by people i thought i was very close to. now im out to get mines me and only me you and only you, get that fucking look on ur face sorry for beeing real and telling the truth, im trying to prepare your for whats ahead, im tryig to prevent you from depending on a brutus who will fill you with lead, stab you in the back for their own personnal gain, being to trustworthy is a heroic flaw like being egotistical, wanting to help your friends to much, being aragont ect. kryptonite to super man pease dont be batman and let it be yourr bane, bane as in the villian to let you know. im back, here are my words again not my dads, ji really do miss all the relationships i had, havent spoken to my dad in years tookk one for theteam stayed with mama dukese inj the ssplit to save faace, foir my innocent younger brothers. you know what shes also my motheer, shes not capable of surviving alone i didnt think i would abandon her ever i thought id never do that, i stuck with her out of evveryone, a family oof six she looked out for me in times of strife wish i could give her one last kiss, just shot my last 20 and i fucin missed, absesses dont matte any more i bet this 45 shoots true time for the finale,  no way i can miss, as the curtains close on my young life one last thought people really took to me, like white on rice, women were drawn to me the mystery i had them enticced, June baby as a cancer i am hard to understand i met a chick once who had a spot in my liifes bnd, she knew me we had a connection so much love we were never disrespectin im glad i could atleast i could teach hersome shit before she ripped my beeating heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Loved hermore than life and i still do i promised her one day i would find her and marry her, walkher down that isle say the words ido, she felt what i felt i know its tru, wasnt ready fgor commitment baby i wil alwayslove yo never orget you if i can i connect with you, like a disease i infected you i aways broght you downi was just baggage extra wait holing you down dragging around im glad youo saw through my snake charming ways saw me for who i was a bumm who couldnt change noot in a short number of days, someone so crippled by pain and grief it was beyond belief, she was the only one i wore my heart on my sleeve for , she lef me sobbinig, crrying violently without end in the door the doorway to more pain. i know she had no choice she had to live her lifee i was just in he way, i was obscuring her focus. eye on the prize isthe only way to achieve your goals and tnt them fuckin boulders, in your way, today i die babe, long time comin bet yall thought i was here to stay. baby l dontshed a tear kno i died drinkin a beer haha but nah you were my last thoughts thinking about all the time we spent getting lost in eachothers eyes and gettin so close we read eachothers thougts, illl miss or idk if ill be concious or just nothjingness, i guess ill fnd out when i finally stop being a pussy and proced with this, see ya velma ill always be your shaggy thinka bout me and dont forget what i made you see, in your self im just another memory on our shelf but let it bbe one thaat sticks we had somethingthat made ssense just clicks somethin that felt so right im really gonn miss, everythinig abnout you im sorry you couldnt trust me but i dont doubt why. i know the truth ive never denied a thing in my life, dont getme wrong everybody tells a little white lie, but you know what its a sign of intelligence not to be afraid to say idk not to lie for the hll of it. Ill see you soon in the nxt life or two i hope reincarnatiuon has a possibility of being true, godbye cruel world th ride is over it was a hell of a whirl, i leave you with absolutely nohing conntributted i was just a part o the cancer people had to live with, butnever acknowledgedd, acted ignoant to ther surroundings as daddy paid for college, i burned bright and hot and had a lot of fun, i had alot of life experienc got alot of shit done, nothing productivee of course in ssocieties eyes but i did fullfill atleast some personal goals, important things in my eyes, the curtains are almost done descending as my pittiful life is ending, but keep your pitty mother  fuckers i dont want shit from any of you i dont give yoou nothin dont be so self righteous you look like a bunch of fools, greive for me or celebrate my life i guess its on you how you chhoose to rfemmeber a nobody that nobody knew, a couple feet before the curtains drop, is that? myy eyes decieving? me? no i do see that a single rose descends from the skies, i stare intently at the work of art, a rose is soo beautiful, a representation of love, from the heart, so delicate with its velvet petals, easily ruined a boket wouldve been nice, but who am i fooling, thats a beautiful thing, that was really nice. the product bubbles as i take my last hit of ice, cant takemy eyes off that rose.. its so beautiful... the gun on my forhead now, looking at each individual pedals.. dew from the early mornin forming a small puddle around that naturral phenom, that iconic organic, spectaacular symbol of sometthing real, somethin that matters, something sensual. 

As the bits of his brain splatter behid him, arms spread; with grace, almost angelic.he falls off the ciff a hundred feet now for falling, weird but there was a look of peace in his eyes; on his face, maybe he wll finally find happiness.. he fell with nobility and so much grace the floor he hit, his finall restingplace, what cuold be a better box then a natural setting, a  beaauty of nature, crawling all around and he will return to the earth, the mother wll  take him back just as she gave birth, i thinnk this shit is over now its not my story to tell, inside voices kids no reason to yell. shhhhhhhhhhh. 

dont depend dont believe the [enter here]

[imi-ga-nai-blog]

【SuG】Overflow【Kanji/Romaji/English】

music: yuji / lyrics: Takeru

Kanji Shine a light. Our mind is made up now. 秒刻みで歴史になって You must not be troubled. Going next is the better. I don't care if we get wet, you know that？ 解析不能の原動力　無心で欲しがれ 病み上がりの正論じゃ　足下すくわれんぞ 有耶無耶ならGame over　真っすぐに従え 遺伝子レベルからの本能

‘overflow’ 平和惚けの跡継ぎよ　‘overflow’ 飢餓感と杯を

な��もかもを失っても 焼き切れそうな瞬間の先にだけ ただ一つ　そう一つ　手に入れるべきものがある だからもっと　遠くに行ける

CAUTION！ CAUTION！ wow CAUTION！ I get it get it！！ CAUTION！ WTF CAUTION！ yeah CAUTION！ oh not a chance！！ CAUTION！ WTF CAUTION！ yeah CAUTION！ Do you like it here？ the end of the century He hasn’t noticed that yet. So very sad. the end of the century But this is still the first step. So fxxkin’ generation. ‘overflow’ 平和惚けの跡継ぎよ　‘overflow’ 飢餓感と杯を ‘overflow’ 追い込まれ袋小路　‘overflow’ 退路なしでちょうどいいや 足りないものは何もない 今　今こそが　決断の時だろ？ 断ち切れぬ後悔も　揺るぎない決意に変える そうだ　もっと高く飛べる 道無き道を　切り開いて 戸惑いも迷いも　全て喰らい尽くしてやると決めたんだ

Romaji Shine a light. Our mind is made up now. Byou kizami de rekishi ni natte You must not be troubled. Going next is the better. I don't care if we get wet, you know that? Kaiseki funou no gendouryoku　Mushin de hoshigare Yamiagari no seiron ja　Ashimoto sukuwaren zo Uyamuya nara Game over　Massugu ni shigae Idenshi reberu kara no honnou 'overflow' Heiwa boke no atotsugi yo 　'overflow' Kigakan to uki wo Nanimo kamo wo ushinatte mo Yakikiresou na shunkan no saki ni dake Tada hitosu　Sou hitotsu　Te ni ireru beki mono ga aru Dakara motto tooku ni ikeru CAUTION! CAUTION! wow CAUTION! I get it get it!! CAUTION! WTF CAUTION! yeah CAUTION! oh not a chance!! CAUTION! WTF CAUTION! yeah CAUTION! Do you like it here? the end of the century　He hasn't noticed that yet. So very sad. the end of the century　But this is still the first step So fxxkin' generation. 'overflow' Heiwa boke no atotsugi yo　'overflow' Kigakan to uki wo 'overflow' Oikomare fukuro kouji　'overflow' Tairo nashi de choudo ii ya Tarinai mono wa nanimo nai Ima　Ima koso ga　Ketsudan no toki daro? Tachikirenu koukai mo　Yuruginai ketsui ni kaeru Sou da　Motto takaku toberu Michinaki michi wo　Kirihiraite Tomadoi mo mayoi mo　Subete kurai tsukushite yaru to kimetanda English Shine a light. Our mind is made up now. Carve every second into history You must not be troubled. Going next is the better. I don't care if we get wet, you know that? I innocently crave　A motive that can't be analyzed　 Isn't that the proper way to recover from an illness?　 Regain your footing If you hesitate then it's Game over　Do it right away It's a DNA-level instinct 'overflow' The heir blinded by peace　'overflow' Hunger and a cup Even if you lose it all Only after that instant which seems to burn away Is there just one thing　Yes, only one thing　That you need to get So go farther CAUTION! CAUTION! wow CAUTION! I get it get it!! CAUTION! WTF CAUTION! yeah CAUTION! oh not a chance!! CAUTION! WTF CAUTION! yeah CAUTION! Do you like it here? the end of the century　He hasn't noticed that yet. So very sad. the end of the century　But this is still the first step So fxxkin' generation. 'overflow' The heir blinded by peace　'overflow' Hunger and a cup 'overflow' Cornered in a dead end　'overflow' With no way out, it's just right There's nothing that's not enough Isn't now　Right now　The time to make a decision? You will change even your unbreakable regret　Into a firm decision That's right　You'll rise even higher Clearing out a road where there is none My confusion and hesitation　I decided to swallow it all down