#idk getting mad about what could’ve been while acknowledging it’s probably best for me to move on

[stuckasmain]

Still learning that sometimes it’s ok to drop projects and fics, even if it hurts and is kinda “ok so I wasted two weeks trying to focus on this and then doing absolutely nothing for nothing”

I had a bunch of ideas outright. They’re all great and I still think they’re great but I just missed the opportunity I think. That peak pocket of interest and inspiration where I could’ve made them.

It was a small fixation to start with

[tanoraqui]

There actually are enough good fics about postcanon tentative reforging of assorted pairs and even the whole of the Gusu Summer School No Brain Cell Trio to satisfy my niche itch, so pls enjoy these stray snippets of a fic I don't have to write:

Nothing would've happened if the cultivation conference wasn't at Cloud Recesses. But it was, Cloud Recesses with its pale stone and gracefully winding walkways and too many memories, including Lan Xichen sitting the whole thing out in seclusion somewhere... If it'd been at the Unclean Realm, Nie Huaisang would've been busy and if it'd been at Carp Tower the memories only would've been manageably bad, and if it was Lotus Pier or one of many smaller sects, it would've been...fine. Just fine.

But it was Cloud Recesses this year, this first conference since Jin Guangyao's downfall, and specifically it was half past ten at night, and Nie Huaisang was wandering the elegant pathways with a mostly full jar of wine in one hand. The previous jar, now entirely empty, had been left back in his room. He was a Nie, so he was only half as drunk as he'd always used to pretend at these things - but at least twice as drunk as he'd ever actually been.

After da-ge's death, of course. Before that, he used to get plenty drunk. Playfully drunk. With friends.

It would be a terrible idea for him to go appear on Lan Xichen's doorstep. Neither of them was ready for that yet.

So he appeared on Jiang Cheng's.

[ . . . ]

"Fine." Nie Huaisang pouted and turned. "I'll go ask Wei-xiong - "

And Jiang Cheng was easy, he was so easy, he'd always been easy, the only new thing is the faintest edge of wariness to his fury -

He grabbed Nie Huaisang's elbow in a flash and snapped, "Ugh, fine, I'll go - but I'm holding the wine."

Nie Huaisang laughed and handed it over. Jiang Cheng immediately took a deep swig.

[ . . . ]

It must've been a quiet night at the Jingshi. Wei Wuxian's sleeping robes didn't look the least bit hastily pulled on, and his lips were only the slightest bit red and puffy.

[ . . . ]

[for the record, this takes place in a book-show postcanon fusion wherein immediately post-Guanyin Temple, WWX and LWJ ran off to fuck in the bushes at least once a day for as long as possible, but in their absence, various sect leaders voted that Lan Wangji should be Chief Cultivator now, and alas some messenger caught up with them about six months into their honeymoon. Definitely caught them in flagrante delicto. Tragic for all. I’d probably communicate all this hereish somehow. It was definitely NHS who finally tipped someone off on how to actually find them.]

[ . . . ]

"Yes, yes, I'm coming," Wei Wuxian said, with a lidded look at Nie Huaisang, and Nie Huaisang burst into a giggles because the two most unequivocally lethal people he knew were afraid to leave each other alone with him, and it was satisfying to be recognized but also what's he going to do, personally? Cry at them? It'd taken him years to destroy Jin Guangyao, and at this point it'd take him months, if not years again to re-destroy the Yiling Patriarch, much less Sandu Shengshou. Especially when they both kept doing things like watching each others backs while pretending they weren't.

[ . . . ]

"Of course we need more!" Wei Wuxian declared. "This isn't even Emperor's Smile!"

[ . . . ]

"It's just a rat or something," Jiang Cheng scoffed.

"So?!" Wei Wuxian cried grandly. "Are we not noble cultivators? Is it not our duty to investigate this woman's complaint, and to slay whatever monster plagues her good inn’s wonderful cellar, whether deathly or monstrous or rodential it be?" He turned to Nie Huaisang and begged, "Help me out, Nie-xiong. You agree with me, right?"

Nie Huaisang clutched his cup against his chest, eyes wide, and shook his head in sharp jerks. "I don't know! I don't know!"

Wei Wuxian laughed and elbowed him in the side.

[ . . . ]

[while waiting for Wei Wuxian to send some sort of signal]

"You know I don't bear any grudge against Jin Ling, right?"

Jiang Cheng's impatient glare snapped to him, darkening with threat; his hand shifted on Sandu's hilt toward a drawing position. "What?"

"I don't bear any sort of grudge against Jin Ling," Nie Huaisang repeated, holding only the last jar of Emperor's Smile. "That's why you've been side-eyeing me all night, right? All conference." He took another sip (it really was the best!) and added recklessly, "If I wanted Jin Ling dead and disgraced, or all Carp Tower burned to ash, they already would be."

Sandu slid an inch out of its scabbard and Nie Huaisang watch it with fascinated curiosity. From a greater distance, he wondered if that was entirely healthy.

"What about Lotus Pier?" Jiang Cheng asked abruptly.

It took Nie Huaisang a blinking moment to focus on him.

"What about Lotus Pier?"

Jiang Cheng sat beside him on the cold earth and yanked the jar out of his hands, cruelly before Nie Huaisang could take another sip.

"Where's your grand terrible vengeance against me and mine? I get it, but if you're being honest for once right now, you could at least tell me when it's going to hit, and how."

"What?" Nie Huaisang pushed himself against his tree trunk, genuinely confused. "Why would i have a terrible vengeance planned against you?"

"I benefitted from Nie Mingjue's death, didn't I?" Jiang Cheng took another swig of wine of his own, and swung the jar illustratively. "My disciples have hunted in your territory while you 'weren't paying attention.' I absolutely fleeced you in that trade deal four years ago. And I worked with that bastard as much as anyone but Lan Xichen, especially on those damn watchtowers, and you broke him. So when's it my turn?" He pointed at Nie Huaisang, finger only wavering slightly. “If you fuck with Jin Ling, Wei Wuxian, or my sect, I will fuck you back.”

"You- oh, gimme that. Gimme. Gimme!" Nie Huaisang leaned forward and tried to grab the wine jar, and more importantly whined until Jiang Cheng handed it to him.

He stared at it for a moment, thrust it back and ordered, “Drink,” without letting it go, and once Jiang Cheng had dutifully tilted it back, pulled it back and slugged down the last swallows. He needed more alcohol for this much honesty, and so did Jiang Cheng.

He set the jar down very carefully, because the ground seemed to be moving, and leaned forward with even more care. He enunciated clearly, “Everyone fleeced me, and hunted in my territory, and I acsh- ass- let them. Why would I expect you to go looking for trouble with Jin Guangyao, when he had your heart locked in a box in his treasure room?”

Jiang Cheng, who was a respected master of all five arts but probably hadn’t actually read poetry for fun since an instructor had officially declared him as such, and who was himself at least a full wine jar in, squinted in angry confusion.

Nie Huaisang rolled his eyes. “He had final say over where and how Jin Ling spent his time, and could’ve tried to poison him against you. What would you have even have done if I had come complaining?”

Jiang Cheng’s face only fell further, with the very sort of drunken moroseness Nie Huaisang was out here to avoid.

Nie Huaisang attempted to swap him sharply. He failed on both the swap and the sharpness. 

“Stoppit! Stop thinking you’re not useful! You weren’t! I needed to pry er-ge away from him and for that only Lan Wangji would work, and I needed someone to watch his back through thick and deadly thin, and to be so disruptive that even Meng Yao couldn’t...circle, sneaky, planning...”

They were waiting for the pulse of a light talisman from the other tunnel entrance, half a mile away. There was a small but very bright explosion. laced with resentful as well as spiritual energy.

“Motherfucker!” Jiang Cheng cursed, leaping to his feet and drawing Sandu in one hideously coordinated motion. 

“Just Lan Wangji, I think,” Nie Huaisang said, because Nie Mingjue himself couldn’t have stopped him. He groped for his own weapons - fan, check; wine jar - 

“Oh no!” 

“What?”  Jiang Cheng snapped, as he bent and dragged Nie Huaisang to his feet with one hand. (Hideously coordinated. Sword people, honestly...)

“He’s going to be so mad that we finished the wine without him!”

[ . . . ]

[three grown-ass men, two sect leaders and one Yiling Patriarch, flying at high speed through Caiyi Town on one sword, all screaming. Nie Huaisang is clinging to Wei Wuxian; Wei Wuxian is flinging to Jiang Cheng, a little bit to Nie Huaisang, and most importantly to a chicken, Jiang Cheng is flying the sword. There is a bedsheet draped over all of them from where they ran into a laundry line. It’s 2am. Again I say, all are screaming]

[ . . . ]

[it probably wasn’t a rat - not just one, at least. Wei Wuxian does something incredibly clever, possibly including a creative use of that bedsheet; Jiang Cheng singlehandedly defeats something in combat, probably after he and Wei Wuxian shove each other out of the way of blows without either of them acknowledging it. Nie Huaisang shoves them both under cover and then with perfect professionalism tells whoever came to check on the ruckus that they handled the problem exactly as planned with absolutely no involvement of alcohol, and the Chief Cultivator will foot the bill for the unfortunately absolutely necessary property damage. Overall, they did handle the problem, but the local cryptid they were chasing will only have its reputation swelled and its continued existence assumed by all locals. it is possible that they themselves made this cryptid up two decades ago, but idk how heavy-handed we want to be.]

[ . . . ]

Nie Huaisang was leaning heavily on Wei Wuxian by the time they got back to the guest quarters. He could hold his alcohol, he was a goddamn Nie, and frankly he’d had it adrenalined out of him at least twice this evening. But he’d also had rather a lot, and he didn’t have Jiang Cheng’s golden core or Wei Wuxian’s blithe lack of sleep schedule. 

“I missed this,” he admitted, head on Wei Wuxian’s (Mo Xuanyu’s) shoulder while Jiang Cheng opened the door.

Wei Wuxian leaned his head on Nie Huaisang’s. “Me too.”

“You’re both fucking annoying,” Jiang Cheng grouched, which meant, Me too.

Wei Wuxian stripped off Nie Huaisang’s muddy outer robe and tucked him into bed, and Jiang Cheng poured a glass of water from the pitcher by the door, drank it, poured another, scowled at Wei Wuxian for a moment, and set it on the bedside table. Wei Wuxian glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, finished with Nie Huaisang and started backing out of the room.

Nie Huaisang sat up more or less abruptly. “Both of you have got to stop that bullshit. I miss my brothers, okay? I’d I had a second chance...” He sagged back down with the plural, and flung an arm over his damp eyes. There was a glimmer in the sky; it’d be morning by Lan standards soon. “I fucking miss them.”

“...Ah,” said Wei Wuxian, who always spoke even when he didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng said abruptly, and, “Drink your fucking water.” And the door slammed behind him as he walked out.

[...a few lines of dialogue later...]

“Seriously, you can go.” Nie Huaisang flicked a few tired fingers in dismissal.

“Are you sure?” Wei Wuxian added with an audible smirk, “Because if I stay up for another half hour, I can wake Lan Zhan with a morning...big ol’...loving...”

Nie Huaisang finally adjusted his arm to crack one eye up at him.

“People usually cut me off before I get that far,” Wei Wuxian admitted.

[ . . . a bit more dialogue and the end.]

[iamanartichoke]

I wrote a Thing. It’s extremely long. I’d prefer it not be reblogged; I wrote this for my own catharsis and would prefer it not be circulated, bc of Reasons. 

I changed my mind, okay to reblog. <3 

Under a cut for (extreme, did I mention?) length. 

So I got about 12 minutes of sleep last night, as you do, and around 3am or so I found myself - out of sheer curiosity - going down a meta hole of Ragnarok discourse, trying to figure out where this "satisfying redemption arc" for Loki happened. (I mean, there's a lot of things I would like to figure out, but I started there.) Because I could. 

Basically I was looking for meta that went into detail about how Loki was redeemed in a satisfactory way. The ‘satisfactory’  is an important word here bc there is a redemption arc in the film, in that Loki starts off the film as an antagonist (kinda) to Thor and he ends the film as an ally to Thor, standing at Thor's side. In that sense, yes, there's a redemption arc. I didn't find much (and I had no idea how much people just despise Ragnarok "antis" [I really dislike that word] but that's another topic [that I don't particularly want to get into, tbh]) but I did find some. I read what I could find, and I read it open-mindedly, and overall I came away feeling like, okay, there are some valid points being made here and I can kinda see where they're coming from.

But it was a bit (a lot) like -- flat. Idk. The best comparison I can think of is that it’s like if a literature class read, I don't know, The Yellow Wallpaper for an assignment, and some of the students came away from it feeling like it was a creepy story about a woman slowly driving herself insane, and the other students came away from it incensed at the oppression and infantilization of women in the late 19th century -

- and neither side is wrong, but the former is a very surface-level reading and the latter isn't (bc it stems from looking at why she drives herself insane, why she was prescribed 'rest' in the first place, the context of what women could and couldn't do back then, etc; basically, a bit more work has to go into it). 

[Note: I am not disparaging the quality of The Yellow Wallpaper. At all. It’s just the first relatively well-known story that popped into my head.]

In this sense, I can see the argument for Loki's redemption arc, but I don't think it's a very good argument. Not invalid, but not great.

I mean, for example, I think the most consistent argument I found variations of re: Loki's redemption is that Ragnarok shows Loki finally taking responsibility for his bad behaviour and misdeeds. This includes recognizing that his actions were fueled from a place of self-hatred and a desire to self-destruct in addition to bringing destruction on others. That he probably feels awkward and regretful of these things and doesn't know how to act around Thor, but he figures it out by the end, and decides that returning to Asgard is the best way to show that he's ready to make amends. His act of bringing the Statesman to Asgard is an apology. He allies himself with Thor and ends up in a better place, both narratively (united with Thor once again) and mentally (having taken responsibility and made amends for his past).

And setting aside that he had already made amends by sacrificing his life in TDW (and also setting aside that the argument is made that Loki redeems himself in IW by sacrificing himself to Thanos but if that's the case, wouldn't that imply that he hadn't achieved redemption in Ragnarok or else there would be no need to achieve it again in IW? Or, if you think he did achieve redemption in Ragnarok, then what the fuck did he give his life in IW for? What was his motivation there, and why did the narrative not make it clearer? I digress.) 

- setting aside those two factors, I think this is a very fair argument. Loki is fueled by self-hatred, and he does want to self-destruct, and he does want to inflict that pain on others as well (particularly Thor). No lies detected here. 

However, I also need to know where that self-hatred and desire for destruction (toward himself and others) comes from and for that, we need to go back to Thor 1.

Thor 1. 

Loki starts Thor 1 out as "a clenched fist with hair," to borrow a quote from the Haunting of Hill House (that I tucked away in my mental box of Lovely Things bc it says so much so very simply). He's very used to bottling everything up, pushing it down; he slinks around behind the scenes, pulling the strings to this plot or that. He's "always been one for mischief," but the narrative implies that the coronation incident is the first time Loki's done anything truly terrible. And it all immediately pretty much goes to shit, so Loki spends the rest of the movie frantically juggling all these moving pieces while trying to seem as if he's got it all under control, every step of the way. That's how I view his actions. 

But I always come back to that quote where Kenneth Branaugh tells Tom, of the scene in the vault, "This is where the thin steel rod that's been holding your mind together snaps." In other words this is where Loki discovering he's Jotun is just one thing too many. He can't take it. But though the rod snaps, his descent isn't a nosedive. It's a tumble. As the story progresses, the clenched fist starts to loosen, the muscles are flexed in unfamiliar ways (that feel kinda good, after being stiff for so long), and it culminates with the hand opening completely and shaking itself out. All of that repression, that self-hatred, that rage and jealousy just explodes so that, by the time the bifrost scene happens, Loki's already hit bottom. It's not just about proving his worthiness to Odin. He wants to hurt Thor, too; he, essentially, throws a tantrum. (That's right, I said tantrum.) 

(Note: The word 'tantrum’ has negative connotations bc we normally equate it with a toddler stamping their feet and screaming in the aisle when their parent won't buy them the toy they want. But in itself, the word tantrum isn't infantalizing. It's an "emotional outburst, an uncontrolled explosion of anger and frustration" [paraphrasing from dictionary.com]. That's exactly what happens here [and why Tom called Loki's actions a massive tantrum, but people took that to mean Tom agreed it was childish whereas I doubt Tom meant it that way]).

He's been pushed past his limit, and he does bad things. He does really shitty things. He hurts Thor, he hurts his family. I'm pretty sure he knows this all along so this isn't, like, some revelation further down the line that "hey, those things I did were probably kinda bad." He got the memo already. 

Ragnarok 

Fast forward to Ragnarok, and we're introduced to a version of Loki who's had 4ish years to sit with everything that's happened. To sit with it and not do much else. The rawness of it has faded, and now it seems as though it's just become a thing, like when you move through life aware of your childhood traumas and have more or less just accepted them (and you probably share a lot of really funny depression memes on Facebook, which is kinda the equivalent of Loki's play, but that's probably just me). 

Loki has, more or less, chilled out. He seems more bored than anything else; he's been masquerading as Odin for longer than he ever planned or intended to, so he's more or less ended up hanging out, letting Asgard mind its own business, and entertaining himself with silly plays. This is the version that starts out the movie as an antagonist to Thor - a version that is, arguably, in a much different place [and is a much milder threat] than the version who originally did those Bad Things. 

And of course Thor is still mad at him, and of course they're going to butt heads, because that's what they do (and Thor's grievances are genuine, I’ll add, bc it's not really his fault he assumed Loki faked his death, nor can he be blamed for being pissed about Odin).

One argument framed this version of Loki as being a person who is facing the awkwardness of coming out of a dark place, which is fair. If we're going to frame his actions in Thor 1 as a tantrum, then Ragnarok would be the part where the toddler has been taken home, possibly has had some lunch and a juice box, and is now watching cartoons. They're over the tantrum, and would probably feel pretty silly about it if they weren't, yknow, toddlers. They probably can't remember why they even wanted that toy so badly. If they're a little older and self-aware, they might even be embarrassed for having melted down.

Like the word tantrum, this feeling isn't a thing limited to toddlers. I know I've had a few epic meltdowns as a grown ass adult, and I know I always feel deeply embarrassed afterwards - like, want to crawl into a hole and die. I've said things I can't take back. Adolescents and teenagers throw tantrums, mentally ill people throw tantrums, adults throw tantrums (I mean, my god, look at all the videos of Karens having screaming meltdowns - screaming! - over having to wear masks in order to shop at stores). Humans throw tantrums. And usually, after the feelings have been let out and the tantrum has passed, humans feel pretty regretful and awkward and embarrassed about whatever they did and said in the midst of their meltdown. 

I get all of that and agree it's valid and that Loki probably feels it. By the time Ragnarok happens, Loki's had some time to reflect and think hmm, yeah, probably could've handled that one a lot better. The argument further goes that in order to navigate this awkward period, Loki must come to terms with what he's done, acknowledge that some things can't be unsaid or undone, and begin to make amends. Supposedly, some people feel that Loki becomes a better person because he does "own" everything he did wrong and, even though he feels like a jackass (paraphrasing), he sets that aside to become a become a better person by choosing to help Thor and Asgard at the end. 

Thus, the overall arc goes like this. Loki, Thor's jealous little brother, 

throws a tantrum of epic proportions bc Reasons 

continues to act badly and make things even worse (Avengers) 

has to face consequences for his actions (prison sentence) 

ends up with a stretch of time in which he's free to contemplate and chill out 

feels embarrassed and awkward about how he's behaved

sees an opportunity to make up for it and decides to take it 

helps Thor, saves the day, and ends the film a better person. 

Redemption achieved.

None of this is wrong. The film supports it. It's a fair interpretation. But it leaves. out. so. much.

To circle all the way back around Loki being "a clenched fist with hair," and his actions stemming from his self-hatred, you have to ask - how did he get that way? He didn't end up with all this self-hatred on accident. Generally, one isn't born despising themselves, it's a learned behavior. (I realize chemical imbalances are a thing, obviously, as I have Mental Shit myself, but for argument's sake I'm assuming that's not the case with Loki [at this point in time]). 

Where did Loki learn it? From his family, from his surroundings, from his culture. We see examples of these microaggressions in the first, like, twenty minutes of the movie - a guard openly laughs at Loki's magic after Thor makes a joke about it (the tone of the conversation implies that Thor "jokes" like this often) and though Loki does the snake thing, the guard faces no real consequences. Thor doesn't acknowledge that anything went amiss. Not much later, on their way to Jotunheim, Loki's barely gotten two words out to Heimdall before Thor cuts him off, steps in front of him, and takes charge. Loki doesn't look annoyed at this; he looks resigned. 

Then, for absolutely no reason at all, Volstagg decides to make a jab at Loki ("silver tongue turned to lead?") just because he can. The ease with which he makes this comment and the way that no one else blinks an eye at it implies that this isn't out of the norm. And Loki doesn't react, not really. In the deleted version, he delivers a particularly nasty comeback but he delivers it under his breath, without intending Volstagg to hear it. In the final version, he simply says nothing, though his expression can be read as hurt or stung. Either way, the audience sees an example of Loki being walked all over by Thor and his friends and bottling up his reactions instead of standing up for himself. 

Microaggressions matter. They are mentally and emotionally damaging. They hurt. The implication that this is not unusual treatment for Loki means that Loki's probably gone through this for most of his life. It's like the equivalent of being, I don't know, twenty two and you're the friend who has to walk behind the others when the sidewalk isn't wide enough, and it's been that way since the first day of kindergarten. At this point, you're used to it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when the jabs come seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason other than to make you feel bad.

(I personally identify a lot with this bc I experienced passive bullying in social settings for years. I was the 'doesn't fit on the sidewalk' friend; I hung around with people who'd pretend to be my friend and would be more or less nice to my face, but would laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back for whatever reasons. And often there'd be the random jabs at me, things that would come out of nowhere to smack me in the face, followed by the fake laugh and “just kidding!" so that I couldn't even get upset without being made to feel like I was overreacting and couldn't take a joke. I'd deal with this socially, particularly in middle school when girls are their most vicious, and then I'd go home and, because I was the only girl with a lot of brothers and because boys are mean and because I am who I am, the dynamic was that my brothers would just endlessly roast me to my face and sometimes it was a "just kidding!" thing, where I was the only one not laughing. But that’s beside the point; my point is that microaggressions, passive bullying, and consistent invalidation are harmful and that shit stays with you into adulthood.) 

So, yes, Loki needs to be held responsible for his misdeeds, and it's valid to say that he recognizes those misdeeds and wants to make amends. I have never disagreed with that. But the problem with this interpretation is that it lets every single other character who contributed to Loki's self-hatred and mental breakdown (let's just call a spade a spade here, that's what it was; he was broken psychologically) get off scot-free.

First of all,

Odin is not held accountable for instilling in the princes a mentality of Asgard first, everyone is beneath us but Jotuns are benath us the most, they are literal monsters. He is not held accountable for pitting his sons against one another (even if it was unintentional, he still did it) with "you were both born to be kings but only one of you can rule" being the general tone of their upbringing. He's not held accountable for his favoritism toward Thor.

Frigga is not held accountable for deferring to Odin both in supporting the above things and in keeping the truth of Loki's origins a secret while doing nothing to discourage the "monsters" narrative. 

Thor is not held accountable for his own tendency of taking Loki for granted (he assumes Loki will come to Jotunheim, he oversteps Loki constantly, “know your place,” etc.. He grants his implicit permission for Loki to be treated as the sidewalk friend in their “group,” a group which is loyal to and takes their cues from Thor as Thor continues to do nothing in his brother's defense).

[Note: Wanting Thor to be held accountable for things he's done wrong isn't vilifying him. Acknowledging that Thor benefited from Odin's favoritism and his own place as Crown Prince doesn't negate Thor also being raised in an abusive environment. I don't think anyone's saying that or, if they have, it's not something I agree with.]

Furthermore, 

Odin is not held accountable for his cruelty in disowning Loki (”your birthright was to die” is never going to be forgotten, speaking of people saying things that can't be unsaid or taken back) and in sentencing Loki to a severe prison sentence (life! only bc Frigga wouldn't let him execute Loki) for crimes that are no worse than what Odin himself has committed (around which the entire plot of Ragnarok revolves! Colonialism (and subjugation) is wrong is, like, a major theme [that people rush to praise, even] here). 

Thor is also never held accountable for not trying harder to understand what made Loki snap (fair enough, he didn't have a ton of time after returning from Earth, but certainly he had lots of time to sit around reflecting while Loki was being tortured by Thanos for a year). He knows Loki is "not himself" and "beyond reason" and accepts it at face value; he questions it once and then lets it go. He's fine with assuming Loki's just lost his mind, and isn't that a shame. (I realize I'm simplifying Thor's emotions but my point is that Thor could've tried harder to figure out that Loki was being influenced and/or not acting completely autonomously.) 

Thor is also never held accountable for - if not facing consequences for his own slaughter of Jotuns - then at least addressing why Loki can't kill an entire race even though Thor tried to do that, like, two days ago. (Granted, it’s difficult to understand how Thor got from Point A ("let's finish them together, Father!") to Point B (this is wrong!), but that failing belongs to Thor 1 (which is not, by the way, a perfect movie).

The interpretation that Loki is fully redeemed because he took responsibility for his actions, returned to Asgard, and allied himself with Thor to save their people is all well and good - but, why is Loki the only one here who has to take responsibility for their actions? 

What about all the loose threads in his story? 

For example, how did he get from: 

Point A (believing himself a literal monster, having a complete mental breakdown, getting tortured and further traumatized after that, etc) 

to 

Point B (Hey, yknow what would be fun? I'm going to write and direct a play about how I heroically died to save Thor and Jane, and I'll go ahead and have Odin say he accepts me and has always loved me. I'm going to do these things because Odin never said this in real life and instead of acknowledging my sacrifice, Thor left my body in the dirt, so someone has to validate what I've done right and that someone might as well be me. And hey, while I'm at it, I'm going to control the narrative on revealing myself as Jotun to Asgard, instead of living in fear of it being found out, and I'm going to do it in a way that they have to sympathize with me and revere me in death, bc they never bothered to do so when I was alive. And Matt Damon should play me, also.) 

to 

Point C (Yeah, I guess I feel kinda awkward about that whole tantrum thing, also I should help Thor and support him being king.)

? 

The answers to these questions are handwaved and the audience takes that to mean they don't matter. Furthermore, framing Loki's redemption around an act of service (more or less) to Thor makes Loki's redemption about Thor. Does Loki make this decision for the sake of Thor and of Asgard, or does he make it for himself? It's not super clear to me, and I think arguments can be made for both. Which, again, is fine, but - whatever.

If we're going to collectively agree, as a fandom, that Loki is complex, that he's morally gray, that he's worthy of redemption and therefore arguably a good person who's done bad things, then why is it asking too much to have it acknowledged that Thor (also a good person who's done bad things) played a part in Loki's downfall and has shit to apologize for, too? Bc one can only assume the reason is that you're taking a very gray concept and making it black and white by saying Loki has to apologize and make amends because he is the villain, and Thor doesn't because he is the hero (and it's his movie). And it's lazy.

This is where the crux of the issue lands. There's more than one valid interpretation, yes. And no two people (or groups of people, or whatever) are going to consume and therefore interpret or analyze the source material in the same way. I think I saw a post recently about how studies have been done on this, in fact. But, there is a lot going on under the surface that tends to get overlooked when exploring Loki's redemption arc in Ragnarok, as far as I can see, and that’s why I don’t consider it satisfactory. 

[I did read similar arguments regarding other issues that are often debated ('debated'), like Loki's magic and/or being underpowered, whether or not Loki's betrayal of Thor was the natural outcome of the situation on Sakaar or not, whether Thor actually gets closure with Odin [if he does, how does he reconcile the father he's idolized with the imperialistic conqueror he's discovered? Why doesn't he hold Odin responsible for covering up Hela's existence and the threat of her return, especially as he knew he was nearing the end of his life? Is Thor's "I'm not as strong as you" meant to imply that he acknowledges those shortcomings of Odin's and that he's okay with them, or that he's just overlooking them, or is he not okay with them but didn't have the chance to get into it bc he was in the middle of battle? T'Challa confronted his father on his wrongdoings in Black Panther; could Thor not have had at least one line that was confrontational enough to establish where he stands as opposed to this gray middle? Can someone explain to me how any of this equates to Thor gaining closure? Please?) but obviously I'm not going to go into all of them (well, I tried not to), bc this mammoth post has gone on long enough (I may not even post this tbh)]

- but my overall point to this entire thing is that when I say I'm critical of Ragnarok bc it's flawed, that Loki's arc was neither complete nor satisfactory, that many things went unaddressed and, due to all of these things, I do not think Ragnarok is a very good movie nor a very cohesive movie, this is where I'm coming from. I have not seen anything to change my mind to the contrary. 

But I am not saying that anyone satisfied with it is wrong, or shouldn't have the interpretation that they do. I'm not vilifying Thor in order to lift Loki up, just acknowledging that Thor is arguably just as flawed as Loki without the stigma of being Designated Villain. I think a lot of these arguments get overlooked or dismissed, and that's fine, but it doesn't make the people who do engage with them hateful, or bitter, or trying to excuse Loki's crimes, or feeling like redemption means that Loki's crimes should be erased rather than reconciled. 

And sure, yes, perhaps we are expecting too much and exploring all of these themes (or wanting them explored) means that somehow we think it should be Loki's movie (we don't). Loki is a supporting character, but he's still a character. And the movie itself doesn't have to delve into all these things - no one's saying that. (At least, I'm not.) We just want acknowledgement, from the narrative, that this stuff was an Issue. 

This could have been accomplished with - 

Some dialogue closer to the novelization (and original script), like Thor and Loki both acknowledging the harm they've done one another and their kingdom due to their Feels.

 A single line of Thor confronting Odin, or even asking "Why?" 

A narrative acknowledgement that Odin did both Thor and Loki dirty (”I love you, my sons” isn't an apology, because it doesn't acknowledge either that there's been wrong-doing or express regret for having done the wrong in the first place). 

A little bit more nuance in the way Loki treats his own past (ie, instead of flippantly telling the story of his suicide attempt, maybe - if it must be flippant - talk about getting blasted in the face with Hawkeye's arrow or sailing through to Svartalfheim [And in that moment, I sang ta-daaaa!]) or whatever. 

I recognize that wanting full, in-depth exploration on all of these issues regarding a supporting character is probably too much to ask or expect - but, I also feel like, if you're going to be professionally writing a narrative (or rewriting/improvising, as it were), it's not too much to ask that a little more care be taken in regards to all of the layers that have contributed to said supporting character's downfall and subsequent redemption arc. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to want. 

And maybe if there had been more nuance and continuity in how these things were portrayed on screen (ie, if TW had actually done as good a job as his stans think he did), the fandom wouldn't have divided and conquered itself over which "version" of the same character is more valid and whether or not the film did its best to close out a trilogy (not start a new one), to the point where everyone in this fandom space makes navigating it feel like walking through a minefield. 

But, I mean 

(Again, please don’t reblog if possible.) 

Edit: Okay to reblog. <3 

[ahwait-no-yes]

Let’s talk about if Saihara hated Ouma

So lately I’ve actually seen a bit more comments on how Saihara doesn’t actually like Ouma and people have gone as far as saying he hates him and idk why people genuinely believe it so here I am about to refute that (I’ve been waiting ages to make this post just so you know so this came out as a horribly unstructured ramble more than anything oops)

some notes beforehand:

I have an obvious bias as I do ship saiouma. although i’ll try to be neutral on what I say here, I can’t hide my bias. I have tried to include what people that hate this ship believe to counter them though, also if you ship other things that’s totally fine?? don’t think of any of this as an attack at your ship and I’m not saying Saihara loved Ouma, I’m just tired of people saying Saihara hated him.

You’re allowed to respectfully disagree as long as you don’t berate me or say I don’t know the game when the majority of the screenshots in this are from my own gameplay, lmao. 

and massive whole-game spoilers! Don’t read this if you’ve not finished DRV3!

Glad to know you made it under the cut! now I can begin with where I think people got this idea that Saihara hates him from- the infamous “You’re alone Kokichi and you always will be” line.

I admit this was very cold and still breaks my fragile saiou heart, but to base Saihara’s entire perspective of Ouma on this one line he said while he wasn’t thinking straight is just.. no.. It’s unrealistic. we’ve seen how Saihara is able to adapt his views and grow (I’ll come back to this later), he’s not stubborn in this regard like Momota or even Ouma is, so even if he did mean it 100% (which I doubt because when *anybody* is angry they will say or do things they may regret had they been calmer), it’s not like his view on Ouma from chapter 4 was his final view on him. And that’s what people fail to realise. 

So, how does Saihara view Ouma then?

well, I’d say he’s been interested in Ouma as a detective from the moment he met him with his curiosity piqued at Ouma’s claims of leading a secret organisation.

and he remains curious about Ouma throughout, always questioning why Ouma says certain things, what Ouma is lying for, he just wants to figure him out- and this doesn’t just apply to free time events either

I think you get my point there, now, I think if I didn’t ship saiou and read this, I’d argue these are all pre-chapter 5 and before the breaking line so he may have been curious before but not after- that then brings me to my next point

Saihara was confident- dare I say believed- in Ouma, especially after Chapter 5.

how bold of me to say ikr, but this ties in to Saihara’s ability to adapt his views. He’s sort of like a mixture of both Kaito and Ouma honestly, because naturally as a detective he has to be suspicious and think logically as Ouma does, while at the same time Kaito taught him to believe in his friends which has also helped him to advance in trials. I think he might have extended this belief to Ouma, because he trusts that Ouma is doing what he does for a reason.

In fact, I’d argue he’s the only one of the remaining group who wouldn’t readily accept pinning Ouma down as a villain. If anything, it’s the opposite- Saihara fought to clear Ouma’s name, and never stopped trying to understand whether or not his intentions were true or false

i’ll just drop this screenshot here (that i named THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY.png in case you were wondering)

this is what I mean when I say he wouldn’t accept it as fast as the others and would second-guess it, bear in mind this is the moment Ouma “admitted” to being the mastermind. and it’s not like this doubt was sudden or anything, cause I can recall this moment (that I actually didn’t catch on to on my first playthrough)

which gives me the idea that hadn’t Ouma purposefully messed with everyone and built up his bad reputation, it would’ve been so much easier for Saihara to disprove him being the mastermind at the point he said it. 

Anyway, going back to my point- excluding Kaito (cause Ouma directly told him), Saihara is the first to bring up Ouma’s innocence, and this is what I mean when I say Saihara believed in Ouma

note that I say believed in. believing Ouma and believing in Ouma are different, it’s like how loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things, so don’t argue that by saying “he didn’t trust him” because ik that and that’s not what I’m trying to say.

but he did believe that Ouma had his reasons, and he tried to discover and understand them. I mean, take this for example

he’s already on board lool look at him go, but no really look at the confidence

he’s both confident in himself and in Ouma not lying here, then goes back to being curious about his intentions

oh and let’s not forget who it was that searched Ouma’s lab to find clues to prove he is a remnant of despair. Why do you need to search for evidence for something you (and the others even more) think is irrefutably true? the answer is obvious- he was doubtful of it from the start, and needed evidence to convince himself it was true, but then as he found nothing to prove it (and even evidence against it), he had to convince the others of it too- and prove Ouma’s innocence

(the last screenshot was from Hikkie’s playthrough on Youtube) 

But as you can see, he’s clearing Ouma’s name as the leader of the Remnants of Despair. 

Now, I bet someone would argue that this only proves Saihara was determined to find the truth in general, because he’s mister detective, so I’ll raise you the fact that Saihara didn’t need to try figuring why Ouma does the things he does- he could leave it at just knowing the truth and if he really didn’t like Ouma like people say then there’s not much merit to it. 

“So what if I know this now? I didn’t care about him, it’s pointless” he could’ve thought something like that, but no

(I also think the “you’re lying again kokichi, there’s a method to your madness” moment fits here too)

Not only this, but there’s also how Saihara learnt from him.

honestly im still kinda mindblown from this ever since I first realised it, but when you think about it, Ouma hinted to Saihara in his FTEs how to win the game.

(those 3 screenshots are from justonegamr’s kokichi’s FTE video; random fun fact this was the playthrough that i watched while first getting into drv3)

But if you think about it, Ouma tried this again in his own trial in his attempt at ending the killing game and then Saihara also used this to actually end it

Not only that (which personally i think is pretty powerful in itself), but Saihara also tries to take Ouma seriously and picks up hints he leaves and uses them later

as well as

et

(and generally just)

generally, Ouma will hint and then Saihara will pick it up. it’s been like that for the whole game- why should Saihara give any extra thought to what Ouma hints if he dislikes him?? really, he could’ve just ignored him the same way he did at the end of chapter 4- but again, he didn’t “”hate”” Ouma enough to keep ignoring him, he considered him a friend in the end anyway.

and the end is what I’ll talk about now, too.

first- can we just acknowledge this?

he doesn’t ignore Ouma at all here. even though he didn’t trust him, he was sad to have lost him. 

Not to mention the way he thinks about lying at the end of Chapter 6. (like, please this is just-  *chefs kiss*)

IMAGINE Ouma was alive to hear him say that omg but Saihara could (and probably would) extend what he says here to Ouma himself- y’know, the ‘embodiment of lies’

by thinking about lies in a different angle instead of at face value like this, he gets a more neutral view on them rather than just thinking “they’re bad!!”, why wouldn’t he be able to do the same for Ouma? especially now that he knows Ouma was innocent and actually hated the game as much as they all did. I mean hey, even after chapter 5′s trial he sort of already thinks about lies differently

and throughout this post, I’ve tried to avoid talking about his free time events or his salmon mode ending because people always say “well they’re not canon” and to that I say not canon to the plot, yes, but still canon to the characters. so yeah, I don’t disregard any of them.

from this point onwards these all technically happen before chapter 5, so it’s not entirely relevant to my point that saihara still liked ouma even after the end of chapter 4, but it’s still something that shows he liked him beforehand at least. I mainly just wanna ramble though haha

one thing I’ve always thought was interesting was how Saihara easily lashed out at Kaito in his own free time event

and Kaito is undeniably Saihara’s best friend who he holds in high regard. If Saihara having backbone means he doesn’t like someone then damn bye bye momota have a nice trip in space

in terms of ouma and saihara though 

how about the fact that Saihara willingly sat there and played rock paper scissors (janken pon!) with Ouma 100 times?? bruh I got bored playing that with my brother after 8 rounds yesterday how would Saihara manage 100?? would you really have the patience for that when you don’t even like the person you’re playing with?

how about his third free time event too?

(from justonegamr’s kokichi fte video)

Saihara wanted to spend some time with Ouma, that’s- its literally written there I don’t know what you want from me the guy wanted a nice time with someone he supposedly doesnt like

what I love about this is how “reaching out” could be taken both literally and figuratively. Wanting to understand someone and trying to find a way to but them being too unwilling to trust anyone.. damn 😔👊 also shuuichi either wanted to handshake or hold hands, what else do you do when you reach for someone’s hand come on

oh yes and how about that he’s content with the refusal because it allowed him to figure out a small thing about Ouma? understanding that Ouma has a different way of being reached out to? mhm please think about that for a bit

that parallel in the salmon ending too...

he considered how it’ll be like with him after they get out and how he’ll learn about him, then ultimately decided when ouma reached out to him that he does want this, and even comments on the warmth of his hand... afhskfdlj

his blush when ouma mentions how his lies didn’t bore saihara was also a very cute moment

ooh and what about the love hotel???

there’s that one line “I know i’m meant to be Kokichi’s ideal in this fantasy but when he tells me he loves me I feel like he means the opposite” or something like that- i’d argue it’s because he’s cautious of Ouma for one but also am I getting something wrong here or is he talking about how he, Shuuichi, thinks Ouma doesn’t like him?  because I see people argue this is proof saihara doesn’t like ouma but all he’s really doing is just doubting ouma loves him

well in any case

WHY would he want him to stay in a love hotel of all places if he disliked him?! I know I’m just a broken record at this point but I can’t think of anything logical for it. they didnt even need to include that line in the scene at all but they did like they could’ve easily said something to do with realising where he was instead but nah. even after the event’s over, he says to himself

doesn’t he sound disappointed by it? and the fact that he even questions if it was a dream- okay  

ooh, something i’ve realised while writing this as well: it kind of seems like Saihara might not want to like him but does anyway; he quickly ‘smothered the thought’ of staying with Kokichi, didn’t want to admit that Ouma’s lies never bored him, and I also thought about how in one of Kaito’s free time events he says to himself “I shouldn’t be talking about another boy like that”- well, maybe it’s similar for how he thinks of ouma? it’s not like Saihara didn’t care for the others’ opinion on him (probably the opposite ngl if you mess up in class trials he says something along the lines of“Ah I screwed up! They probably think I’m a fraud”) and considering nobody else liked ouma (except for maybe gonta) I wouldn’t be surprised if he felt shame for liking him, thus repressing that feeling (especially around the others, there’s that part in trial 4 where he’s trying to convince kaito he isn’t siding with ouma cause he knows by doing that could damage his friendship with his bro)

I mean this is something I only thought of just now, but it could be plausible (i hope?)

One last thing- I find it incredibly funny how in chapter 2 when ouma is literally on top of saihara he doesn’t freak out or scream and everyone else in the room is also completely chill with it and unquestioning. no really they’re just standing there.. and how long was ouma even in that position for??

Now, I think that’s all. So to finish off, I’ll just say

People get the idea that saiouma is bad because some don’t realise Saihara can still like a person without idolising or putting them on a pedestal. Idk if this is gonna sound controversial or not, but I honestly do think he did exactly that to Kaito and Kaede- which doesn’t make what they have with him toxic or bad at all, I just think his view on Ouma is a lot more realistic and less clouded. Heck, if Saihara canonically liked Ouma as much as he does with the other two I don’t know if I’d ship saiouma as hard as I do (it is fun to imagine though).

If you actually read through this then.. wow? I’m surprised you got through this unstructured mess? I hope you can agree with me for some of my points at least but I’m not here to convince you or anything, this has just been on my mind for weeks now I needed to get it out somehow.

I said it at the start and i’ll say it again now too- i didn’t intend on attacking or comparing saiou to any other ships so I do apologise if I seem like it, i’m just terrible with my wording (lmk if something genuinely offended you, i’ll probably change it) but you’re free to ship whatever you like cause at the end of the day it’s just a bit of fun. that being said, I don’t want to actually argue on this so please don’t haha, i’ve contemplated just deleting this but I’ve put a lot of effort into this post even though i cant analyse for 💩

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your day!

have the kokichi gaygun as a farewell present

[hogwarts--imagines]

If I Could Fly

GIF NOT MINE

Tsuki x F!Reader

Warning: Angstish. Fluff, Tsuki just needs love *This takes place during their second year, idk why but it fit ig*

Summary: Tsuki realizes he needs to let her in to understand him. 

Inspired by If I Could Fly by One Direction, I never thought I’d get nostalgic and listen to this song for the sake of this Fic. 

He knew it, if only she could too. 

She was always there. Following him and Yamaguchi around.  Yamaguchi never cared that she was there, he enjoyed having another friend. He was always so nice. Always accepting everyone that said hi. He needed to be careful, People come and go all the time. He shouldn’t be so trusting.

A year had passed since they met. She had shown up to almost all of their games during their tournaments wanting to cheer on her friends. Especially during the Nationals. Their team needed the extra support. Tsuki would never admit how happy it made him to see her cheering them on. 

“Y/n!” Yamaguchi yelled, causing Tsukishima’s head to shoot up towards their friend. 

“Yams! Tsuki!” She waved, approaching them, “How was practice?” 

“It was good!” Yamaguchi was excited as always.

“It was fine” Tsuki shrugged it off, he hated the small talk. Why must she always stick around?

Y/n tried her best to ignore his comments, he always seemed so negative about everything. It felt like his negativity was always directed at her. Yamaguchi gave her an apologetic look. He knew what she felt. She had spoken to him about it before and he had did his best to reassure her that Tsuki didn’t hate her. 

The three walked in silence for a while. Unsure of what to say, y/n decided to find something to talk about. 

“There’s an action movie that comes out this weekend, maybe we could all go see-” 

“Can’t.” Tsuki interrupted her, waving it off.

“Why not?” She raised an eyebrow, annoyed that he didn’t let her finish speaking. 

“I don’t want too.” Tsuki didn’t look at her, he spoke as if he could care less. 

“Tsuki.” Yamaguchi snapped at his friend, “You don’t need to be so rude, she was just as-”

“Fine. Don’t go. I’ll invite Hinata and Yachi instead.” She turned her gaze away from them, “Yams you can still come though.” 

Her street came up and she had never been so excited to get away from them. No. Him. Normally they would walk her to her house, since it was dark out. She just wanted to get away from them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Night.” She turned onto her street and walked away before they could protest. She could hear Yamaguchi scold hid friend as she hurriedly made her way home. 

Why was he always so cold with her? Had she done something to him in the past? She couldn’t think of a reason. She grew to like him. He was always so different compare to most. He was good academically and physically. He was amazing in her eyes. Was she too cheerful with him? Was she just annoying? 

She sighed in relief when her head hit the pillow on her bed. Home at last. She wasn’t going to put up with his cold demeaner any more. She had enough. 

--

The following morning she left at her normal time, walking to the school earlier than needed became a habit for her since she would walk with the two boys. Just like every morning they waited at the end of her street for her.

“Morning Yams” She greeted only him. She didn’t say another word as she kept walking next to Yams. The boys knew right away this wasn’t normal. Tsuki was always in the middle of them two. Listening to their pointless conversations. This time Yams was in the middle and she made sure of it..

The walk was silent and awkward. No one wanted to say a word, and those that did, didn’t know what to say. Y/n kept her eyes looking straight ahead. Yamaguchi looked at Tsuki, a puzzled look, only to see he was just as confused. What happened to their friend to make her stay so quiet?

The school building came into their sights. She let out a sigh before walking a head of them. Waving goodbye in the process. She was definitely not happy. Tsuki and Yamaguchi headed to the gym. 

“What did you do to piss her off?” Yamaguchi practically yelled at his friend as they began to practice. 

“Why would I do anything to piss her off?” Tsuki shrugged tossing the volleyball to his friend.

“Who did Tsuki piss off?” Hinata asked as he approached them. 

“Y/n” Yamaguchi replied, tossing the ball back to Tsuki, “She hardly spoke to us this morning. Well she spoke to me a little bit.” 

“Tsuki was probably being rude to her again.” Hinata nodded his head, as if he knew the answers to everything. 

“This doesn’t concern you.” Tsuki snapped at him.

“She’s my friend too!” Hinata yelled back. 

Tsuki would never admit this, but he hated that you didn’t acknowledge him this morning. He hated not knowing why. He shrugged it off, it’ll blow over by the end of the day. 

Only it didn’t. 

She never showed up to meet them after practice. Before that she didn’t speak a word during any of their classes. Keeping to herself.

Yamaguchi groaned as he read the text from y/n 

‘Don’t wait for me, I went home after school.’

“And you probably thought she was gonna be fine by now!” Yamaguchi shoved the phone on Tsuki’s hand so he could read the text. 

“Well I don’t know her problem!” Tsuki was frustrated, why was she acting like this??

“Well I can list a few things!” Yamaguchi let out a groan, “You are always so cold towards her, You hate that she includes herself in our lives don’t you? Why? Because you hate that she fits into your life perfectly and you are too stubborn to accept the fact that liking her scares you! I see how you look at her! You liked her since we met her!” 

“I-” Tsuki was at a loss of words.

“She wanted to see a movie with us and you completely blew her off, you could’ve tried to be nicer about it! She’s my friend too and I hate seeing her upset.” Yamaguchi ranted, he almost jumped away from his friend, the glare Tsuki had always scared him. But the glare never came.

“I’ll talk to her.” Tsuki gave in, he didn’t bother denying anything his friend said. They were true.

Once they made it towards your street, Tsuki and Yamaguchi separated, He was going to talk to you tonight. He approached your front door and knocked. 

“Hello?” A very sleepy looking y/n answered the door. She was in an oversized sweater and sweatpants. “Oh, what are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you” Tsuki folded his arms. 

“Fine, but be quiet, my mom is working still.” She allowed him to enter and he followed her to her room. Her parents were so used to the boys coming over it didn’t bother them. “What is it?”

“I wanted to ap-” He struggled to say what he thought, “Apologize.” 

“What” Her eyes widened a bit, this was different for him. 

Tsuki was struggling to say this thoughts. He never apologized often and speaking his mind on his feelings was way out of his comfort zone. 

“You must really need to talk then, huh?” She tilted her head to the side, then shoved him towards her bed “Sit down and take a moment to think?” 

She was always so serious when it came to people needing to talk. It always made him happy to see how concerned she was for others. Even though she was mad at him, she realized that there was something wrong and it would give her a reason as to understand him more. 

“I’m just going to say everything.” Tsuki sighed, rubbing his temples, “This isn’t an excuse, but an explanation.”

“Okay, I’m listening” She sat beside him, preparing for what he had to say.

“I hate that you just show up one day, with this determination to be my friend. I hate that you never shut up for a moment. I hate how nice you can be. To me. I hate that laugh, when everything is funny to you. I hate that you are always around. Showing up to the games to cheer us on.” Tsuki ranted, looking down at the floor avoiding her eyes. 

She wasn’t prepared for this. He didn’t like her. 

No. That wasn’t the case. Not for him.

“But I hate the silence that followed me around today a lot more. I hated it when you stopped talking to me today. I hate how scared I am to open myself up to someone. I hate how attached I am to you. But I love it. Your stupid laugh. I want to hear over and over again. I want you around all the time. I missed you.” Tsuki had just laid everything out for her. 

“Tsuki” She looked at him. He had opened up to her completely.

“I really like you y/n. This doesn’t excuse my actions towards you. I am sorry for that. Letting people in scares me. I’m scared they will leave. I pushed you away because I was scared to get attached only to lose you.” He let his guard down, he allowed himself to look up at her, the fear in his eyes were clear, he was scared of this moment, but at the same time he was trying to fight down the fear.

“Tsuki.” She stood up and moved herself to stand directly in front of him, “Though this doesn’t excuse your actions, it hurt me how mean you were to me, but I can forgive you.”

He took a deep breath as she cupped his face with her hands, “I really like you too. I want to get to know you. the real you. If you’ll let me one day. I want to move past this. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here and I’m staying.” 

She gave him a deep kiss. Nothing too crazy, just a kiss that was full of meaning and passion. She was proving her point. 

Tsuki waited till she pulled away, he opened his eyes and met hers, he desperately wanted this to work. He was going to make sure it did. 

“Let’s take this slow yeah?” She smiled and kissed his cheek. 

“Lets go see that movie then” Tsuki agreed, he was relived that he got this off his chest.

“Deal” She smiled happily.

“Hey y/n?”  Tsuki studied her sweater, adjusting his glasses to get a better look.

“Yes?” 

“Is that my sweater?”

[drawlfoy]

Accio Malfoy

masterlist request guidelines (please read if you request!) requests are open!

stole the gif from @dracomalfoyedit so give them creds for draco’s pretty face

pairing: draco x slytherintransfer!reader

request: yes! you know who you are :)

summary: reader transfers into hogwarts and is sorted into slytherin. draco malfoy is the bane of her existence until suddenly he’s not

warnings: language because uh...you know who i am haha

a/n: i’m a little sorry for making this so similar to faux diplomacy, but honestly idk if i’m ever gonna finish that one and if i do it’s gonna be way different and way angstier. here’s something to hold my american/non uk readers off with until i get the next chapter of that out haha

music recs: the night we met - lord huron

word count: 5,293

tags! @accio-rogers @geeksareunique

Y/N had never felt as out of place as she did standing with the first years in the Great Hall, each of them eagerly awaiting their sorting. She easily had at least a foot on the tallest child there--but then again, they didn’t use feet here as a unit of measurement. They used...meters? Centimeters? She had no clue, but whatever it was, it was confusing. 

Yet another reason why she didn’t want to be at Hogwarts. Her father was so thrilled when he told her that they’d be moving to the UK for...well, the rest of her schooling. He’d forever thought that Ilvermorny lacked the intimate education she needed with thousands of students attending and jumped on the first job opening at the British Ministry of Magic. 

Was she mad? Yes, of course. She was already missing her friends terribly and felt so awkward standing with a bunch of children. Y/N didn’t have to look to know that everyone’s eyes were on her, wondering why there was an immensely overgrown 11 year old in their midst. 

But was she going to make the best out of it? Yeah, probably. 

A tall, elderly man with a scraggly white beard stepped up onto the podium, tapping his throat with his wand to amplify his speech. “Welcome back, fellow students of Hogwarts, and a very special welcome to our newest additions.” He tilted his head down to acknowledge the gaggle of children at his feet. “You all may notice that we have an especially interesting newcomer here tonight. Hogwarts is pleased to welcome its arms to our first Ilvermorny transfer student in over a century...a Miss Y/N Y/L/N!”

Grandly gesturing towards Y/N, he beamed down at her and and raised his free hand as if to request applause. The studentry obeyed, and soon the dining hall was filled with polite clapping that echoed.

The old man, who Y/N presumed to be the headmaster, spoke for a few more moments after, musing on the beauty of international connections and what it meant to be a gracious host. She heard it, but she wasn’t really listening. All she could think of was the sorting hat and what it was going to say. 

Back home, or at least what she used to call home, she was a Horned Serpent. She had no idea what that translated to at Hogwarts--perhaps she’d be a Ravenclaw? Or a Slytherin, she had heard about their unmatched ambition, but also their petulance. 

Y/N didn’t even realize that everyone was waiting on her until a kind first year tugged at her sleeve and pointed up at the podium. An older witch was standing there, holding the tattered and worn hat that had to have been the Sorting Hat.

“I said, please come up and be sorted, Y/N Y/L/N.” Her accent had a pleasing lilt that Y/N wasn’t expecting.

Fighting back a blush, she dipped her head and rushed onto the elevated platform, thanking Merlin that she didn’t trip on the way up. The witch motioned to the chair in front of her, and Y/N sat down, facing the sea of students.

Everyone watched in charged silence as the hat was lowered onto her head. An overwhelming smell of hickory and old leather overpowered her...but not much else was to be expected from a relic that was centuries old. 

Y/N waited for the Sorting Hat to make conversation like it was rumored to, but the second she felt it touch her hair, it made a decision.

“SLYTHERIN!”

Gasps filled the hall with the promptness of the sorting. Even the witch that had placed it on her head looked humored as Y/N got up and walked off, slightly dazed. 

She was guided towards a table with an abundance of green, choosing a seat near a black haired boy who didn’t look too threatening. He looked up as she slid onto the bench next to him, sending her a mischievous grin.

“Welcome to Slytherin. I’m Theodore Nott.”

<>

Y/N made quick friends with Theodore, or Theo, as he asked her to call him. He told her the ins and outs of the Slytherin lifestyle and told her the password for their common room.

“Why basilisk, though?” Y/N asked as they sat in the common room together. “Did something happen?”

He shrugged, a mysterious glint in his eye. “Long story. It happened a while back. There used to be a basilisk in Hogwarts, hidden somewhere far away.”

“I would hope.”

They were silent for a few moments as Y/N picked at her nail polish. 

“I’ll ask Daphne to show you to your room,” Theo finally said. “And we can sit next to each other for breakfast if you’d like. Slytherin doesn’t necessarily have the friendliest people.”

Y/N smiled gratefully as she watched him flag down a strawberry blonde girl who looked about their age. 

“Let me guess,” the girl said as she approached the two. “She needs someone to show her to her room?”

Theo opened his mouth, but Y/N beat him. “Yeah, is that alright?”

Daphne studied her for a few moments. Y/N could feel her passing judgements on her. 

“Yes, come with me,” she said after a bit, a vague expression on her face. “Say goodbye to Theo, though. He can’t come with us. We have wards, you know.”

“I assumed so.” 

Y/N stood, turning and waving a goodbye to Theo. Daphne took her by the arm and led her to the other side of the common room, down a few stairs, and to a tall, daunting looking black door. 

“You can’t bring guys in here,” she said lazily. “And on that note...”

She ushered Y/N inside, shutting the door behind them and glancing around the empty corridor they had entered. 

“Don’t even think about Theo.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Good, because he’s not into girls,” Daphne dutifully told her, knitting her eyebrows together. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Do you have a problem with that?” 

Startled by the sudden abrasiveness, Y/N took a few steps back. “No, no, of course not. Thanks for telling me.”

Daphne’s face cracked a small smile. “I think you’ll fit in alright here, then. Just don’t mess with anyone...at least not anymore than you absolutely have to.”

Y/N grinned back. “Of course not.”

<>

The time difference sucked. Y/N had crashed the moment she had sat down on her bed the night before, but now it was 5 in the morning and she was wide awake. 

Swinging up over her bed, she noticed that her roommates, Millicent and Tracey, were both snoring softly in their blanket cocoons. She sighed, taking extra care to be quiet on her way out of the room. 

Theo had told her how the common room was open at all hours, just as long as you weren’t too rowdy. No one else would be up at 5am--it’d be absurd, so she was looking forward to writing letters to her friends in peace. 

The cold dungeon floor chilled the balls of her feet as she ascended the steps into the dark common room. The little light available was a soft green hue cast from the lake water on the windows. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if the sun had even peaked over the horizon yet. 

“What are you doing?” a male voice hissed from across the room. Y/N whipped around to see an unfamiliar looking blonde boy curled up on a dark green couch. His body faced the extinguished fireplace, but his head was turned to glare at her.

The dim lighting didn’t conceal his features, and Y/N was immediately stunned. The boy  was unusually pretty, with high, defined cheekbones and moonbeam blonde hair. His silver irises were so bright that the darkness did nothing to hide them.

“I know the academics at Ilvermorny aren’t stellar, but they at least taught you how to speak, right?”

Y/N flushed red, grateful for the low lighting as it helped hide her embarrassment. “Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. I just wasn’t expecting to see anyone out here so early.” 

The boy snorted, and Y/N took note of his cruel expression. Suddenly he seemed much less accessible. “Yeah, well, I am.” He stared at her, seemingly expecting her to do something.

Y/N took it as an invitation to walk over to his couch, sitting herself a healthy distance away from him. 

“I was actually hoping you’d leave me be.” He glowered at her from the other end of the couch.

“And what, let you brood all alone? As if,” she responded, hardly missing a beat. Y/N wasted no time in rolling out her parchment to write. “I have just as much privilege to be here as you.”

She could’ve sworn that she heard him huff, but he didn’t verbally protest, so there was a start. 

“You Americans really are pushy,” he sniggered after she had begun to write her first letter. 

“And you Brits really are entitled daddy’s boys, huh?”

That shut him up. 

“What’s your name, anyways?” Y/N paused long enough from her writing to look him in the eyes.

“Malfoy. Draco Malfoy.” His tone was stiff and unnatural, like a 12 year old boy trying on a suit for the very first time. “It’s Malfoy to you, though.”

“Draco?” Y/N giggled. “Your parents must be...uh....interesting.”

He frowned. “Malfoy to you!”

“Okay, okay. Anything to keep you from getting your panties in a twist.”

Another glance at Draco confirmed that he was very, very, irritated. “Can’t you just go antagonize your roommates or something? I was here first.”

Y/N shrugged. There was no way she was going to be able to finish her writing the prick kept talking anyways. “Sure. Don’t worry though--I’ll be back, Draco.”

She chuckled to herself as she saw his features darken, his mood clearly souring before her eyes. Following her judgement, she scampered back to her dorm room to avoid being hexed.

<>

“I heard you met Malfoy, huh?” Theo asked Y/N, carefully buttering a piece of toast. 

“Yeah, he’s a real charmer,” she snorted. “Thinking he owns the whole common room and whatnot.”

“You’ve just got to stay out of his way,” Theo said. “I don’t think he’ll give you too much trouble. You are a Slytherin, after all. He’d have to be mental to waste energy going after one of his own.”

Y/N smirked at the thought as she pushed her eggs around the plate. As much as she hated to admit it, the food at Hogwarts wasn’t half bad. Meals felt much more intimate under the soft daylight, whereas at Ilvermorny bright fluorescent bulbs illuminated the room. 

She finished eating with Theo quickly and turned to her right to see a grumpy looking Millicent. 

“I heard you tossing and turning all night,” Millicent said. “If you make me spend another night listening to you, I’m killing you and throwing you into the lake.”

“You lot really are sweethearts,” Y/N responded absentmindedly, sipping her tea. “In all actuality, though, I’ll probably sleep better tonight. I’m sorry about that.”

Millicent visibly softened. “No, it’s alright. I know it must be hard and all...isn’t it nighttime in America?”

Y/N checked her watch, still ticking at the eastern timezone of the US.

“Yeah. All my friends are sleeping right now. I’m jealous.”

That earned a small laugh out of Millicent, prompting Y/N to smile back at her. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

<>

Y/N’s hopefulness soon diminished by her second period as she struggled to find her way to potions. 

“I thought you’d have an easier time finding the dungeons, you resembling a sewer rat and all.” A cold voice sounded to her right, and combined with the sudden rough push on her shoulder, she was surprised and yelped.

“A jumpy sewer rat too, huh?” Draco Malfoy raised an eyebrow and turned to keep walking.

“Hey!” Y/N’s hand darted out to snatch his sleeve. “Hey, Draco! Watch your mouth, buddy!” 

Yanking his arm out of her grasp, he sent her a glare that could cut through stone. “Malfoy. Not Draco.”

“That’s funny, because I specifically remember you telling me that your name was Draco.”

He was about to say something back, no doubt a threat, but another boy swooped in.

“C’mon, Y/N, he’s just teasing you,” Theo murmured, taking care to send Draco a disapproving look. “Don’t waste your time on him. Come hang out with me and Daphne.”

Y/N allowed herself to be pulled away to Theo’s group of friends, all the while still glaring at Draco. 

“Chill out, America,” Daphne said, waving her hand in front of Y/N’s face. “He’s not worth the energy. He’ll move on to someone else soon enough.”

“Whatever you say.” 

Theo and Daphne walked her down to Snape’s classroom, taking extra care to keep her out of Draco’s path. Y/N was lost in thought on her walk to Potions, riding a sea of conflicting emotions.

On one hand, she wanted to make sure she didn’t spend the rest of the year being harassed by a little rich boy. On the other...he was painfully attractive, and while it was shameful to admit, knowing that he was paying her mind made her blush and her heart race.

Y/N was, by no means, an attention whore, but she’d be lying to herself if she said that she wanted Draco to completely leave her alone. She was in a foreign country, after all, and British accents were, well, exceedingly hot. There was no fault in her wanting to have a little fun. 

Walking into the classroom, she was pleased to spot an empty table. Daphne and Theo took seats to her left, leaving an empty chair to her right. She allowed her thoughts to wander to places she shouldn’t have, shaking her head to clear her mind afterwards.

She was being ridiculous. Draco was not going to come over and sit with her just because there was one empty seat at her table. 

In that moment, Y/N felt as though she was catapulted back into her 3rd year, where she was a cringy boy obsessed mess. 

Chill, Y/N she thought to herself. Stop acting like a child.

Potions went on without a hitch. Y/N saw a flash of blonde hair in the corner of her eye, but she didn’t dare look. He didn’t come sit with her, so it wasn’t like looking in his direction would accomplish anything anyways. 

“Whoa, Y/N, they said unicorn tail, not unicorn horn,” Daphne said, yanking Y/N’s hand away from the cauldron. “Can you read?”

“Yeah, do they teach that in the slums where you’re from?” a familiar cold voice added from behind them. 

Y/N spun around to see an amused looking Draco sitting at the empty table behind them, propping his chin up with his palm. 

“If you’re going to insult me, can you at least come up with new content?” 

The side of his mouth quirked. “I don’t owe you anything.”

Y/N shrugged, tossing the shaved unicorn horn into the rubbish bin below her. “Fine, stay unoriginal. You bore me.”

Draco slunk out of his seat, retreating back to his rightful table.

“Give it roughly a week,” Theo told her sympathetically. “He’s a class A git, and then he gets bored, and then he forgets about you and doesn’t pay you any more mind.”

“But you’re not helping,” Daphne added, mincing some greengrass. “If you really want him to leave you alone, then stop engaging him. You’re making this fun for Malfoy by reacting to him.”

“I can handle myself,” said Y/N. “It seems like harmless fun, and plus, Draco can’t be that intolerable. He has friends.”

Theo paused from his chopping to look at her quizzically. “He has minions. And Parkinson, who you don’t want to associate with. The only thing Malfoy is good for is trouble and drama. I don’t think he has a kind bone in his body.”

“But he’s quick-witted and interesting. Don’t you two want to know more about him?” 

“No!” Theo and Daphne answered in unison. 

“Let me guess,” Daphne said, tipping her ingredients into the cauldron. “You think he’s hot.”

Y/N shrugged, her face burning. “I’m not blind.”

The witch offered her a sad smile, the most genuine expression she’d worn all day. “Be careful, then. I obviously can’t tell you what to do, and it’s not like it’d affect me much anyways, but between you and me, I wouldn’t go for him. Lots of girls like him, you know.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Y/N butted in. “You’re saying all of this like I expect something to happen. I’m just bored. I don’t expect anything to come out of this, and I don’t even know if I would want...that. I hardly know him, after all.”

Theo and Daphne both seemed satisfied with her answer. Y/N took advantage of the silence to add the untangled unicorn tail, watching as it turned the potion a milky blue. 

<>

Y/N spent the next few days acclimating to her new schedule and avoiding Draco (as per the request of Theo and Daphne). Classes at Hogwarts weren’t as spaced out as they were at Ilvermorny--there were just 3x as many stairs. She was by no means grossly out of shape, but jogging up and down the moving staircases proved to be a challenge. 

“Do they not have stairs in America either?”

Y/N didn’t even bother turning around to face the person who spoke to her on her way to Charms. She’d recognize that snotty voice anywhere. “If you don’t get new content, I’m pushing you down them.”

Draco snickered behind her. “Don’t give me any ideas.”

She decided to not entertain him for any longer, choosing to be silent. The staircase creaked its way over to the corridor they were heading, taking its sweet time.

The air was thick with electrified silence, and Y/N was struck with the thought that she had never seen Draco be so quiet for such a long period of time.

The staircase came to a sudden stop, lurching both students forward. Y/N fell flat on her face, her hands dangling over the top of the staircase into thin air. 

“What the fuck?” Y/N exclaimed, scooting back as to not fall over the edge. The staircase was now simply suspended in midair, neither parts touching the hallway entrances. 

She finally turned around to see Draco just once step down, sprawled out in a similar fashion. “It’s just something that happens every once and a while.” He was casual, seemingly unworried. “I’ve never personally witnessed it, though. They’re just due for maintenance.”

Y/N gaped at him.

“So they just let students on these things without checking if they’re maintained?”

Draco shrugged, getting up to his feet and gripping onto the railing. “To my understanding, they only need to be re-enchanted once every few centuries. I can hardly blame the administration.”

“So what do we do? Wait it out and be late for Charms?”

“Is that really the biggest of your worries?” 

Y/N rolled her eyes, folding her knees up to her chest. “What, am I allotted only a certain number of concerns now? Is that how this is gonna be?”

“Don’t be so melodramatic,” he said, motioning over his shoulder. “It’s not like we can’t just jump off at the bottom of the stairs.”

Y/N stole a glance behind him and realized he was right. It would be a bit of a leap, but if they tried, they could make it to some random corridor she had never seen before. “I don’t think I can make that with my books, though, and I’m too afraid to levitate them over the edge.”

Draco seemed to ponder this for a bit. “Me neither. I can go first and leave my things with you, and then you can pass both our things over, and then I’ll help you across. With you having shorter legs and whatnot.”

Y/N fought back a bitter remark in response to his thoughts about her legs. 

“Yeah. We can try.”

<>

It took Y/N a bit to hype Draco up about the leap as the two stood overlooking the edge. 

“Don’t worry, you can totally make that,” she told him. “If you don’t, I swear I’ll try and levitate you back to safety. Or maybe I’ll Accio Draco or something. We’ll see.”

Draco snorted. “First of all, I’m offended that you don’t trust yourself enough to levitate your textbooks but feel perfectly fine levitating me. Second of all, it’s Accio Malfoy to you.”

“Accio Draco Malfoy,” Y/N corrected. “If I say Accio Malfoy, I’m being too vague. Any one of your family members could come flying at me, full force. We’d have some explaining to do.”

“No, you would, because I’d already be a splat on the ground below us.” 

Y/N laughed then, pleasantly surprised with his level of bantering. His own eyes twinkled as a few smile creases appeared around his face. 

“Nothing a little Dittany and pumpkin juice can’t fix,” she said cheerily. “Off you go.”

Draco steeled his face, any vulnerability disappearing. He shed his cloak and dropped his books on the ground, walking up a few extra steps to give him more speed. 

“Be careful, Draco,” she added, resting her weight against the staircase. “I’ll be even later to Charms if I have to track down a house elf to clean up a body on the base level.”

“Malfoy,” was the last thing he muttered before he jogged to the end of the staircase, gracefully leaping across the gap. Y/N’s breath caught for a split second, but he stuck the landing, spinning around to beam at her. 

 “Told you. Easy.”

“I literally never recall you saying that.”

He dramatically threw his hands up. “I put my life on the line, sacrifice my soul to save your textbooks and this is how you repay me?”

“I thought you said it was easy.” She cocked an eyebrow, smirking back at him. 

He stood there for a few moments, his features suddenly softening as he gazed at her. “Pass me my cloak and things. We haven’t got all day.”

Y/N obeyed, gathering up his things and separating them from hers. He had thrown his books so haphazardly that she was having a difficult time telling the difference between the two. She slung his cloak over her shoulder as she worked, opening the books and searching for names. Neither of their Potions books were marked up, much to her disappointment.

“Hurry up?” Draco’s voice was no longer as harsh as before, ending like a question instead of a command. 

“I’m going as fast as I can,” she told him. 

Before she could finish flipping through their textbooks--she knew she had written something somewhere--the staircase began screeching again. 

Y/N’s eyes shot up, meeting Draco’s. They looked just as confused as hers. 

The staircase began moving again, albeit much slower and wobblier than usual. 

“Y/N, you need to jump!” His voice was filled with an urgency Y/N had never heard from the boy before. 

“But my books...”

“Do it!”

Against her better judgment, she grabbed her satchel with her wand and stationary and leapt off the end of the staircase, praying that she had enough momentum to make it to Draco. 

A pale arm reached out and snatched her, pulling her the rest of the distance. Y/N hit the ground with ungraceful smack, pulling Draco down on top of her. 

“Are you alright?” 

Y/N opened her eyes to see Draco inches from her face, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He had very pretty eyes, and if she looked close enough, she could see the slightest hints of blue in his grey eyes. 

“My books,” she croaked. 

“You really should’ve been a Ravenclaw.” 

With that, Draco got off of her, sitting up against the wall and looking out at the staircase. Y/N followed suit, ignoring her aching body. 

She gasped as she saw what was in front of her--the staircase was rotating, turning upside down and throwing everything that had been on it to the ground.

“Maybe I should’ve just bit the bullet and levitated them anyways,” Y/N sighed, scooting a little closer to Draco, who laughed. 

“Don’t worry about it too much. I’m pretty sure the school will replace them free of charge...if that’s something you’re concerned about. This was their fault.”

Y/N decided to ignore the subtle financial reference. “Fair point. I’m just upset that I’m missing Charms.” 

Draco bumped her with his shoulder. “I’m not. This was way more entertaining than that blasted class would ever be.”

“I’m touched.”

“No, really, I guess they do teach you how to banter at Ilvermorny.”

“No.” Y/N smiled. “I’m just a natural talent.”

“That you are.”

Draco looked into her eyes for a few moments before snapping out of it. “We should go back to the dorms and find Snape. He’ll get this fixed immediately.”

Y/N was already on her feet, brushing off the dust on her robes. “Of course. Here’s your cloak, by the way.”

He looked her up and down. 

“Keep it, at least until you get your own washed. You look like you’ve been living in squalor. I wasn’t expecting the floors to be that dirty.”

“But this’ll be way too big for me!”

“Would you rather look like someone who accidentally ordered the wrong size or like someone who spends her free time rolling around in dust piles?”

When Y/N rolled her eyes and turned away from him, he took that as an answer. “Exactly. I’m sure they won’t look awful. Just...do it now.”

Feeling slightly self conscious, Y/N peeled off her dirty cloak, setting it on the ground and reaching for Draco’s. 

As expected, the sleeves went way past her hands. Y/N held it up to him as evidence, cocking an eyebrow.

“C’mere,” he said, rolling his eyes (but still smiling slightly). She stepped forward and watched in shock as Draco gently cuffed her (his?) sleeves so they barely brushed the middles of her wrists. “You’re such a drama queen. This was such an easy fix.”

“Oh, I’m the drama queen?”

“I never said I wasn’t one too!”

“You implied it!”

“I most certainly did not!”

“You’re the one who made me put it on in the first place!”

“Because I was being chivalrous!”

“Oh, because chivalry is the first thing I think of when I think of you!”

Draco stepped forward, catching her wrist and pushed her back into the wall. Y/N stared up at him with wide eyes.

“Thinking of me now, huh, are we?” His words held a light tone, but the look on his face and proximity of him hinted at a deeper meaning.

“Sure?” answered Y/N, her voice much higher than usual. “So?”

Y/N had meant to challenge him to another battle of wits, but Draco seemed to take it as a different invitation. 

He leaned forward, closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to hers. It was gentler than she would’ve expected from him and took her by complete surprise.

Y/N stood frozen in his grasp, her eyes wide open. Draco seemed to realize this and sprung away from her.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I dunno what got into me, I guess I thought that you would’ve wanted...” He trailed off, shyly meeting her gaze.

“It’s okay, really,” she said. “I just wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t think you thought of me like that.”

Draco swallowed, once, twice. “I really don’t have to, either. I can leave you alone if you’d like.”

“I wouldn’t like that.” Y/N shifted her weight back and forth, fiddling with the ends of her sleeves. “We can...try again? If you’d like, of course.”

He looked like he was about to take her up on the offer, but at the last second, he stopped. 

“I’m sorry.It just feels wrong to do it here.”

Y/N tried to conceal how much the rejection stung, but the blush was obvious on her skin. “That’s o-okay. Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna go find Snape. You go get another cloak.”

<>

Y/N couldn’t sleep.

It was just like that first night, but this time, it wasn’t the time difference keeping her awake. 

Her reason was stupid; she knew it was. She had just met Draco and it was unfair for her to have already given his expectations and a role to fill...and incredibly unreasonable. Completely irrational. She might as well call up St. Mungo’s and request a psychiatric evaluation. 

MIllicent was kind, but Y/N knew her well enough to know that she’d keep her word about throwing her into the lake. If she kept sighing and rolling around, she would be in for a treat. 

Her body was still sore from the short meeting it had with the ground earlier that day as she eased herself out of the bed and made her way towards the common room. Out of habit, she snatched her cloak, only to realize that it was still Draco’s.

Shit.

The blade in her chest only twisted further at the thought of him. 

Stop thinking about it, stop thinking about it.

In any other case, Y/N would’ve draped the cloak over her shoulders, but she didn’t want to be reminded anymore of him than she had to be. She didn’t understand why he had suddenly decided to pull away--it wasn’t like anything really changed. Maybe she had had bad breath? Maybe her lips were too chapped?

It was pathetic, really, getting her heart broken within the first three weeks of school. She’d never even though of herself as a romantic, either--but Draco’s face could easily convert anyone to believe hopelessly in love.

Once again, she ascended the stairs into the common room, relishing in the quiet and calm it brought. But wait--she saw movement in the corner of her eye.

Turning, she saw Draco laying on the same couch as last time, staring straight at her.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Sorry to disturb you.”

“Is that my cloak?” 

Of course the first thing he had to say to her was a conviction. 

“Uh, yeah. Here, you can have it.”

Y/N began striding towards him, holding her arms out to offer the cloak. Surprisingly, he shook his head, retracting his hands. 

“No. You look cold.”

Y/N allowed a comeback to die on her tongue, instead awkwardly standing there.

“Well, aren’t you going to sit down with me already?” He settled back into the couch, nodding towards the vacant spot next to him.

Against her better judgment, Y/N sat down beside him, tucking her legs up under her body. She shivered as the cool dungeon air wafted past her.

“I knew you were cold,” he mumbled, taking his cloak from her hands and draping it over both of them. “Isn’t that better?”

“You sound like my parents.”

He allowed a small smile to creep across his face as they sat together in silence, leaning closer into her. Their shoulders brushed, and Y/N realized that she could feel heat radiating off of him. 

“You’re very warm.”

“You’re very cold.”

Y/N shifted further away from him as the awkwardness maxxed out. 

“Hey, so about today...can we talk about what happened between us? I mean, when you kissed me and then changed your mind?” Y/N’s voice crackled out. She didn’t trust herself to speak at a volume louder than a whisper. 

“So about that,” he murmured back. “I never changed my mind. It just didn’t feel right at the moment, not because of you, but because of the situation.”

“Oh.”

“So...er..” he leaned towards her, cupping her face with his hand. It was warm and surprisingly soft, and his eyes nearly glowed in the dark when she looked into them. “Do you still want to try again?”

Y/N didn’t need words to answer that, only actions.

final a/n: so basically the tea is that i SUCK ass at writing actually fluff scenes when it comes down to kissing like i don’t know what’s too much and what’s too little and what’s too cringy so i just avoid it oops. hope you enjoyed. if you want to collab where i write the tension and the build up and you write the fluff please let me know because that would make my life so much easier omfg

[trensu]

Episode 14: The One where LWJ Sings to WWX, y’know, Like a Bro

WE’RE STILL IN THE BEST CAVE IN THE WORLD GUYS

AND WE START OFF WITH ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AS LWJ GENTLY WAKES UP.

And first thing he notices is that he woke up with his forehead ribbon on his forehead where it’s supposed to be (it’s right there in the name) 

Wwx: oh yeah, i put it back on you while you were sleeping. I know how nervous you get when you’re not wearing it.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

DID YOU?

HE PUT IT BACK ON HIM TO SPARE HIM ANXIETY

(You can't tell me that LWJ does not low-key have anxiety. Nobody's that much of a stickler for rules without being constantly anxious about breaking them. That's just facts)

Also, lol, the minute lwj wakes up, wwx is all “ah, must be 5am.” HE’S KEEPING TRACK OF TIME WITH LWJ’S SLEEP HABITS LOLOLOL

Now wwx and lwj are talking Important Escape Details

Wwx: yeah, went back into the pond and it looks like the Murder Turtle blocked off the escape route

Lwj: you shouldn’t be going into the pond with your injury

Wwx: i’m not that delicate!

And then he turns it around and asks lwj how well the medicine was working on his leg (it’s all better now, i guess?? idk he seems fine now. wq’s medicine is MAGIC)

BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER

Here we learn the official name of the Murder Turtle

Lwj: it’s like a xuanwu but not

Wwx: xuanwu?? *proceeds to describe what he knows about it*

Lwj: *is impressed and surprised*

Have more faith in your soulmate lwj. He reads! Sometimes! When it’s important!

Wwx: aren’t xuanwus supposed to have sharp teeth? Like Grrr

HE MAKES THE MOST ADORABLE GROWLY FACE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND MAKES THE CUTEST GROWL SOUND AT LWJ. AHHHHH!

But also, he’s disappointed that the xuanwu didn’t have sharp teeth?? WWX, THE THING TRIED TO EAT YOU JUST YESTERDAY. BE GRATEFUL IT DOESN’T HAVE SHARP TEETH

Wwx: it doesn’t even matter what it is! It’s a big monster and if we kill it we’ll be Big Damn Heroes

So EXCITED and EAGER and he has this MISCHIEVOUS LOOK ON HIS FACE. Obviously he’s suffered brain damage

Wwx: and, ah, if it kills us, it’s okay bc it’ll be an AWESOME death lol

Lwj just stares at him LOL

His face is like, “this guy? This is the guy my heart decided to fall for?? Really???”

Okay so now they’re being all sneaky and gathering up bows and arrows that surround the pond and then they go back and get to work on fixing them and preparing for battle

We get to see lwj practicing the chord assassination technique like a BADASS

They come up with a plan!! Wwx will go into the Murder Turtle’s shell to coax him out of it so that lwj can then, idk, decapitate it with his Killer String.

(that’s...not how actual turtles work, but bc this is a magic murder turtle, i figure the rules don’t apply)

AHHHHH

LWJ DOES A THING

So obvs since wwx has to go inside the shell and lwj has to stay outside the shell they gotta communicate right and Ancient Fantasy China does not have good cell reception

Wwx: listen to me

And with that verbal cue, lwj does this thing that makes his fingers glow with spiritual energy and then taps wwx’s forehead which then has a little burst of the glow for half a second.

And TA-DAH! NOW THEY’RE PSYCHICALLY LINKED!!! 

THEY’RE SOULMATES AND NOW THEY’RE PSYCHICALLY LINKED YOUR OTP COULD NEVER

It must be a link that only lets them hear what the other wants them to hear otherwise wwx would’ve found out lwj is smitten with him right there and then, omg, that could’ve saved us so much heartbreak later on

But we’re not gonna think about that right now bc i don’t want to short-circuit my keyboard with tears

YUCK, wwx is inside the Murder Turtle’s shell and it’s SUPER GROSS

EVERYTHING IS ALL RED

THE FLOOR’S ALL MUDDY AND GUMMY

THERE’S LIKE, FLESHY ROPES HANGING EVERYWHERE

DISGUSTING

Wwx: ewww, it stinks so bad i wanna puke *chokes back bile*

BE STRONG WWX, YOU CAN DO THIS

And now he’s bumped into some dead bodies 

WHY ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR FACE SO CLOSE TO THE DEAD BODIES WWX, THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA. YOU WERE JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT THE STENCH 2 SECONDS AGO, AND NOW YOU’RE SHOVING YOUR FACE IN IT???

Oh noooo, now he’s found the Screaming Sword of Resentment that screams bloody murder at him

He grabs it and stabs Murder Turtle in the face which makes Murder Turtle mad enough to get out of the shell

We’re going to continue to ignore the bad cgi and ridiculously over the top fighting moves

...and the way he floats horizontally(??? somehow??) as the Murder Turtle tries to shake him off

My poor bb is hanging on for dear life while lwj does his Killer String thing

I LOVE LWJ’S DETERMINED FACE HERE!!

His brow is all scrunched up and his mouth gets all pinched and firm. SO DASHING LAN ZHAN, GO SAVE YOUR SOULMATE.

But oh no! The resentful energy pouring from the sword is getting to wwx!

Uh oh, I did not like the look of that grin on wwx’s face

that was NOT HIS MISCHIEVOUS GRIN

THAT WAS A MALEVOLENT GRIN.

I DON’T LIKE IT

STOP THAT WWX

BE A GOOD BOY

Lwj shouts his name, he’s so worried!!

And now we see wwx use resentful energy for the first time ever!!

In a badass move he starts levitating all the abandoned swords and staffs that littered the shore AND USES THEM TO STAB THE MURDER TURTLE IN THE THROAT

SO COOL, SO COOL

Murder Turtle flops over dead and takes wwx down with him INTO THE POND AND WWX IS UNCONSCIOUS!! NOOOOOOO

Lwj, ofc, rushes to his side as soon as he hits the water and rescues him

He gets him out of the pond and takes him to dry land

Lwj: wei ying, wei ying! Wake up, wake up

GUYS, THIS IS THE MOST EMOTION WE’VE HEARD IN HIS VOICE SO FAR

HE’S REPEATING HIMSELF FOR GOODNESS SAKE

HE OF FEW WORDS GOES ON TO REPEAT HIMSELF TWICE OVER

HE’S FREAKING OUT

Oh gross, we cut to the Evil Wen’s lair 

C’mon nobody cares about whatever’s going on there. Get us back to the important stuff!!! I am Done listening to evil wens ranting

AHH WE’RE BACK IN THE CAVE WITH OUR BOYS!!

WWX REGAINS CONSCIOUSNESS!!

Wwx: lan zhan, is it dead?

Lwj: yes

Wwx: yes? (he says weakly, in disbelief, MY POOR WWX)

Wwx: is it dead? (why’s he repeating himself, WWX ARE YOU OKAY??)

(I mean, obviously he's not what with the murder turtle thing but I don't think he can afford to get more brain damage at this point)

Lwj: yes, it is.

Oh and now wwx is telling lwj about all the screaming voices he heard from the sword and asks him if he was dreaming those up

LIKE HE’S NOT TRUSTING HIS GRASP ON REALITY RN OR SOMETHING!!

AND HE’LL ONLY TRUST IT IF LWJ CONFIRMS IT FOR HIM

BC HE TRUSTS HIM AND THEY’RE SOULMATES!!!

Lwj reassures wwx that he did not dream up those screams

(Somebody should probably check him for a concussion,jic. I mean those screams were real THIS time but you never know!!)

(Maybe concussions don't exist in Ancient Fantasy China, idk)

Wwx is all pale and shaky!! MY POOR WWX!! Lwj is rightfully fussing over him

He lets out a weak laugh (BC THAT’S HIS COPING MECHANISM, DIFFUSE THE SITUATION WITH HUMOR, MY POOR WWX) and is like “who knew that one day i’d get to see the 2nd jade of lan look so worried?”

IT’S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU, WWX, YOU DENSE IDIOT

Lwj doesn’t respond but he does look away briefly LIKE HE’S AFRAID OF WWX SEEING SO MUCH EMOTION ON HIS FACE

AAHHHH, LAN ZHAN, IT’S OKAY, DON’T HIDE AWAY LIKE THAT!! I PROMISE WWX LOVES YOU TOO!!!

WWX: lan zhan, i didn’t think i’d survive this

He whispers weakly AS HIS BODY IS STARTS TO TREMBLE LIKE CRAZY

Lwj: wei ying, you have a fever

And then he brings wwx’s wrist close to start pouring in some spiritual energy

SO GENTLY, WITH SUCH DEDICATED CONCENTRATION

BC HIS WEI YING IS HURTING AND HE WANTS TO MAKE IT STOP

AAHHHHH

WWX: that’s so soothing lan zhan

Oh jeez, the way he sounds when he says that...

And omg the way lwj looks in the blue glow of the spiritual energy transfer

AS IF HE DIDN’T ALREADY LOOK LIKE SOME SORT OF HOLY DEITY, HE’S LEGIT GLOWING NOW TOO

WWX: how boring...why hasn’t jc showed up to rescue me yet?

Uh, rude much? Lwj is right there

AND HERE WE COLLECTIVELY LOSE OUR MINDS BC WWX ASKS LWJ TO SING TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!

AND LWJ STARTS TO SING TO HIM!!!!!

AND THIS IS WHERE WE GET ~THEIR SONG~ ACKNOWLEDGED BY THE CHARACTERS FOR THE FIRST TIME BC THAT’S WHAT HE SINGS TO WEI YING

AND WHILE HE SINGS, WE GET GIVEN THE MOST WONDERFUL OF ALL FLASHBACKS. 

IT IS A COMPILATION OF ALL THEIR IMPORTANT MOMENTS TOGETHER SO FAR

THEIR MOONLIT ROOFTOP SWORD FIGHT!!

THEIR COLD POND CAVE MARRIAGE!!

THEIR BUNNY LANTERN!!

BASICALLY EVERYTHING I’VE BEEN SCREAMING ABOUT THESE PAST 14 EPISODES

I’M LITERALLY TEARING UP

I CNA’T TAKE IT

MY HEART, MY HEART 💕💕💕

THEY’RE SINGING ~THEIR SONG~ AND I’M DYING OF FEELINGS OVERLOAD

Also, jfc, there’s no Heterosexual explanation for that flashback sequence…

Wwx: it sounds so nice, so nice, what’s the name of the song…?

AHHHHHH!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

LWJ TELLS HIM THE NAME OF THE SONG!!

!!HE PRACTICALLY CONFESSES HIS ETERNAL UNDYING LOVE TO HIM

AND WWX HAS TO FUCKING PASS OUT BEFORE HE HEARS IT GOD DAMN IT

IT’S LIKE GETTING COCKBLOCKED, BUT LIKE, EMOTIONALLY WHICH IS SO MUCH WORSE  WTF

And when wwx wakes up again, he’s out of the cave!

But instead of seeing lwj’s godly visage, he wakes up to that peacock jzx and is like “you??”

Jc shows up!

Wwx: where’s lan zhan?

Jc: he left

Wwx: he left?? But he’s still injured!!

Jc: so is everyone else!! And he went back to gusu so…

Wwx: but he--

Jc: A THANK YOU WOULD BE NICE

Jc: IT’S NOT LIKE I TRAVELED WITHOUT REST FOR 7 DAYS TO GET HELP AND RESCUE YOU

Now we got to go through Plot Things

We’re at Lotus Pier!! (where wwx proceeds to pass out again!! Get used to it guys, he does this a lot)

Then the yunmeng sibs have a beautiful moment together

Okay, we’re gonna pause here BC WWX IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE??

He gets all pouty and asks jyl to clean his face for him bc his arms are too tired and jyl does it bc she loves her brother

AND HIS ADORABLE FACE

HIS SO CUTE ADORABLE FACE WHEN SHE CLEANS HIM UP

I CAN’T I CAN’T

IT’S TOO MUCH

HOW IS THIS GUY AN ACTUAL PERSON THAT EXISTS 

Lol, wwx is like, i wish you’d been there in the cave with me jc, lan zhan almost bored me to death

What a liar, lol

Like he wasn't completely enraptured by LWJ's presence the ENTIRE TIME

Oh yikes, we’ve got some screwed up family dynamics in the Jiang Family courtesy of m-yu and jfm.

For the sake of my sanity we’re gonna gloss over that

Now that the parents stormed off, wwx does his best to console jc (bc his parents, double yikes)

Now watch me as a break down sobbing when wwx makes A PROMISE HE WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEEEEP

I’ll be your right hand man, he tells him. Gusu has the twin jades, but yunmeng will have twin heroes, he says

(WHY MUST YOU HURT ME THIS WAY, SHOW, WHYYYYY)

After wwx says those things about the twins, he looks up at the sky wistfully and asks jc “do you think we’ll ever see them again?”

“Them” he says, like he’s not completely talking about just lan zhan

jc’s like how the heck would i know???

And we end the episode with wwx still gazing at the sky, dreaming about his lan zhan

I mean, we don’t see it, the dreams or thoughts or whatever, but we kNOW IN OUR HEARTS THAT’S WHAT HE’S DOING

This was a Very Heterosexual episode. For that I give it 10/10 stars. I would watch that flashback sequence with him singing over and over and over and over and over and ov--

Return to Masterpost

[osleyakomwonkru]

what do you think about the commonly agreed upon belief that octavia is abusive- for hitting lincoln, indra and bellamy especially

I’ve had this question asked in multiple different ways, here’s a few more:

“What are your thoughts on people applying real world rules/classifications (?) onto the characters of The 100? (Like Bellamy being a statutory r*pist, Octavia being a spousal abuser, Clarke being an abusive parent etc.)” “i’m curious- how do u feel abt octavia punching bellamy and stuff right after lincoln dies? personally i don’t rly think it’s that bad (oops) bc she was grieving and he indirectly helped lead to lincoln’s death, even if he tried to stop it at the last minute, and he could’ve defended himself if he wanted to. but i’ve seen ppl call it abusive and stuff n i rly disagree. like it’s not her best moment but the only person she felt like she fit in w had jsut died? same anon sorry- and not that long ago bellamy was there for the massacre of 300 innocent grounders which she rly disagreed w so i feel like she had multiple reasons to be mad at him. yeah violence isn’t necessarily the right choice but like. idk anywyas what r ur thoughts on it” Well, for one, it isn’t “commonly agreed upon”. It is highly disputed. But anyway.

This is something I’ve written about before, and the long and short of it is that in the world of The 100, there’s nothing that Octavia’s done that makes her deserving of being singled out. Has she been violent? Sure. To people she cares about? Sure. But so has practically every other character on the show.

They live in a violent world. Violence is part of how people react to each other. Is it good and healthy by our standards? No. No one is saying that it is. But within the context of the world, that’s how people act. Every character on this show has committed an act of violence, be that killing or injuring someone, be that conducting experiments on other people, or be it participating in a war. None of them is innocent. That’s the thesis for the entire show.

Turning back to Octavia specifically, she started out the series very naive, optimistic and wanting peace more than everything else. But then the world taught her violence. They taught her might makes right. They - Bellamy especially - taught her that violence is a legitimate way of addressing your problems. So she learned from them, but somehow only she’s the “bad guy”? It doesn’t work that way. Either we condemn them all or we acknowledge that they’re all a product of their environment and culture.

Looking at the three occasions that people have most issue with then: Beating up Bellamy (3x10) - like I’ve said in the post mentioned above, while not a healthy response, she was grieving, and Bellamy’s own response to grief was to help slaughter a sleeping army that had nothing to do with the cause of his grief. Octavia’s grief response of beating up one person and killing two more, all of whom were involved in the cause of her grief, is not as bad as his.

Hitting Indra (3x07 I think) - This is the only occasion that I can think of where a fight between them happened, but even if it isn’t, it is probably the first one. In this scene, Indra hits Octavia. Octavia wrestles her to the ground and pulls her punch. She doesn’t actually strike Indra. But this scene tells us something important, which we’d already seen before - violence between Grounders as a method to get them to “man up”, as it were, is part of the culture. Is that a healthy part of a culture? No, but again, it is a part of that culture and you can’t single out one person for behaving as a part of those norms without singling out the rest too.

Hitting Lincoln (2x12) - Coming back to what I said above, violence as a way to get people to “man up” is a part of the culture, and you can’t condemn one person in it without condemning all of them. In this scene Lincoln is also under the influence of the Red, beginning to turn Reaper again, and Octavia needs to know whether he’s more Lincoln or more Reaper. If he’s going to fight it, at which point she’ll give her all to help him, or if he’s going to give in to it again. Remember: Reapers are violent creatures who will attack anyone - she saw it earlier in the season when he tried to kill her while full Reaper - and she needs to be sure that he is someone that she can save. That he isn’t someone who is going to be dangerous to bring back to camp. Those are all important considerations that she had to have in that moment where she chose to hit him and give him an ultimatum that pained her greatly. She didn’t want to lose him. But she needed to make clear that it had to be his choice to fight the Red and that he was still able to fight it and wasn’t lost to it entirely before she risked bringing him into the presence of others. 

So, the TL;DR version: Violence is a part of the world of the show. Octavia is not unique in partaking in it, it is something that they have all done. Plenty of violence has also been committed against her by various parties that claim to care about her. So you can’t condemn her violence without condemning everyone else’s at the same time. Only calling her out is hypocritical, and as we already know, hypocrisy is the thing that bothers me the most about this show.

[purplellamanator]

Hello! Idk if it's possible but what about a combination of Red String + Hero/Villain for ShinRan? Though if not either one is fine! ☺️ I'm a huge fan of your fics so I'm really happy to see you're taking requests!

A/N~ Hey! I’m so sorry this took such a long time! I’m still on my trip so I’ve been working on this one slowly through my phone! So if there are a lot of mistakes, I’m sorry 🙏 I had more I wanted to do for this one so I’ll probably be adding to it after my other prompts! Also, not sure if you are a fan of my hero academia but I kind of used there whole hero/villain world for this one! Just in case you don’t, their powers are their ‘quirks’. Hope you enjoy and thank you for the ask! 💜 If this wasn’t what you had in mind be sure to send me another!

Red String~ The typical red string of fate that ties two people together as being the perfect match

Hero/Villain~ Person A is a Hero. Person B is a villain. And both have an undeniable attraction to each other

oOo

She was in trouble. Ran knew it the moment she saw his expression. The confused expression that slowly morphed into one of dangerous understanding. She had made a mistake. A bad one and it would cost her. Her hesitation was all he had needed to make the connection.

"Mouri!"

At the call of her partner from behind, proving that in a few short seconds they would no longer be alone, the villain- after giving her a look that was a mixture of disbelief yet somehow . . finality, turned before disappearing into the darkness of the alley.

The expression would've had her frozen if the glowing, crimson ribbon wrapped tightly around her finger hadn't already done so.

"Shinigami- where'd he go?" It was so hard to contain her guilt at seeing the panicked and frantic expression Phantom bore. Ran had to look away.

She was never good at lying- even if it was lying by omission and her partner narrowed her eyes slightly. "What happened?"

I let him go, she wanted to say. Instead, she continued to look dazed at her finger. The ribbon was no longer there since she deactivated her quirk but she knew it could be.

"Crimson?"

Ran winced at her hero name. "I- I don't know. I was just too slow." Above anything else, at least the apologetic look she sent Phantom was real. "I-I'm sorry."

"Too slow? Too slow!" Her friend and coworker enunciated slowly. It was clear that she wasn't falling for whatever alternative story Ran was trying to spin. Which was understandable considering she was known for her speed and along with her quirk, with a simple tug of the ribbon attached to his finger,  could've had the criminal flinging back towards her like a bungee cord.

Before she even thought her response over she was already blurting out another excuse. "He didn't have a red string!"

That made her friend pause and her eyes go wide. It wasn't completely unheard of for someone to be without their red string of fate. It wasn't as often but sometimes was the case. It happened when someone's fated had already passed or an even more daunting thought- when the host would not live long enough themselves. Fate was cruel sometimes but always absolute. It was a harsh truth that some lives just weren't destined to last long.

Getting over the new revelation quickly though, Phantom sighed with annoyance. "Figures," she huffed while placing her hand on her hip aggravatedly. "Biggest fish in the bingo book and he's immune to your quirk. Next time I'll lead on him."

Ran said nothing, only lowered her eyes to her equally as crimson boots in shame. She didn't enjoy lying. In fact, she never did it. Not with Phantom anyway but this . . . This was something differently entirely. And honestly, it would probably be for the best that Ran never had to get up close and personal with Shinigami ever again.

"Well, he's gone now," her partner heaved. "Let's head back to the agency- regroup. He's probably long gone now."

With any other villain, Ran would've agreed. But with the new update that not only she knew but he knew as well, she determined that wasn't as likely. She couldn't tell if it was because she was already so frazzled and her nerves were still overhyped, but she had the feeling that eyes were on her and they weren't the ones of her partner.

Quickly, she agreed. The agency was close and hopefully it would allow her to calm down knowing there was no way Shinigami could watch her there.

The entire way, during, and even after their report to their boss though, Ran still couldn't help but feel like she had to watch over her shoulders. Even the agency didn't feel safe to her anymore and soon her partner caught on.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Phantom- or Aoko now, asked. They were in the locker room changing back into their pedestrian clothes. "If you're mad at yourself, don't be. You would've had no way of knowing he didn't have a red string. If anything it's my fault. I shouldn't of just relied on your quirk," she tried to reassure.

But it wasn't helping Ran with her feelings in the slightest. If anything, it made her feel worse. Because it was all wrong. She was mad at herself and if Aoko knew the truth, she should be mad at Ran. Because Shinigami did have a fate string. It was just who it was connected to that was the problem. It had made her stumble in surprise the moment she activated her quirk. Expecting to have to look down to see a crimson ribbon that resembled a rope like a coil that she could grab, nothing could've prepared her for the snag of a string latching around her ring finger trying to lurch her forward.

In that moment, her mind shut down and completely disregarding the gaping villain before her, her eyes had snapped to her own finger, widening. She thought the fact that she had stopped moving altogether would've been enough for Shinigami to escape. She hadn't been expecting to look up and find him still standing there. But he was and he wore the most confused expression she had ever seen on a person. When their gazes connected, he had made a step to run but momentarily froze when he realized she wasn’t making a move to follow him.

It was clear he hadn't known what to do at first. He hadn't yet realized what was wrong. She could tell he thought this was all a trap though. He kept looking behind him, probably expecting Phantom to come up behind him since she had successfully stalled him. But her partner's sudden yell of her name had his eyes widening and that's when he seemed to make the connection. Still the ever cautious villain, he had left slowly with his eyes full of suspicion, but eventually he had sunk into the shadows.

Ran was at a loss on what to do. She didn't know how to handle this new revelation. She couldn't just accept that she was the soulmate to an evil villain.

But she also couldn't go against fate.

It was all a mess and in a panic, Ran pulled herself from any of his cases. Aoko along with their boss and coworkers had been surprised. Shinigami was a top rated villain. Great fame and recognition would come with detaining him, but she quickly used the excuse that her quirk was useless against him and someone better qualified to fight him should be assigned to his case.

It was a cowards way out. She knew that. Yet she also had to think of this logically. She was a hero and he, a villain. It would be foolish for her to think he'd want anything to do with her. And besides that, it was her job to hand him over to the police. Something told her that would cause some marital issues down the line.

But this way it would be better, she told herself. Being off of his case, she'd have relatively no way of running into him. He was hard enough to find when you were looking for him.

So in her head, this could all just blow over smoothly. No one needed to address that her soulmate was Shinigami. They could continue their lives as they had been before. She hadn't allowed him to see the string after all. There was a small chance he hadn't made the connection at all.

Walking into her apartment a week later only to find him sitting on her sofa proved otherwise. He was sitting casually against the cushions as if he lived here and had every right. At her entrance, his head rose from where it had been leaning back to acknowledge her. His gaze was scrutinizing as it took in her pedestrian dressed form.

"I think we need to talk."

His voice wasn't as deep as she expected. From what she had heard and the descriptions of feeling pure terror around him, none of that seemed to fit the man sitting in front of her. He was dressed casually like she was but to be honest, if she remembered correctly from the other night, he had also been dressed regularly. All the same, one thing that did hold true was how attractive he was. It had been dark on that first night and she hadn't seen his face all that well. Now, illuminated by the lamp he sat beside, she had an unguarded view.

Swallowing hard and more than a little intimidated, she refused to take any step closer. He was a villain and he was in her house with her alone. When he still said nothing she realized he was expecting an answer.

"About what?" She tried to school her face as much as possible but she doubted she did a very good job.

He wasn't buying it. His blue eyes narrowed on her in what seemed to be exasperation. "Are we really going to play that game?"

Yeah, he definitely knew.

When he came to an abrupt stand however, his quick movements startled her and she pressed herself to the door- her hand gripping the handle tightly. As far as she could tell, they were here alone but for all she knew, he could've had an accomplice close by. She knew from his files that it wasn't likely, but she would be an idiot to make assumptions. That and he had been waiting here for only God knew how long. She was at the disadvantage. And with his quirk, she would definitely lose.

At her almost aggressive demeanor, he paused to give her a blank stare. "I told you I only came here to talk."

Him being a villain however, his words really didn't mean much to her. "How did you find me?" Her tone matched how unwelcoming she appeared. His presence clearly put her on edge.

Shinigami raised his brows. "It's not hard to figure out when your partner calls out your civilian name."

Ran's jaw clenched at his know-it-all attitude. He was right. Aoko had called her by her surname. But that was it. It wouldn't of been enough for him to find her in a city housed by thousands. Suddenly the constant sensation of being watched made sense.

"You followed me," she stated with realization.

"You were avoiding me," he said without even missing a beat. Apparently he didn't care to try to deny her accusation. But avoiding? He said that as if they were friends; as if he had any right to her attention.

Trying to school her features as well as his, she kept her expression neutral even though that wasn't anything she was feeling. Inside, she was a nervous wreck. She had a villain in her home that also happened to be her soulmate. Hopefully that all didn't translate to her face as she said, "I have no reason to avoid you. In fact, it was my job to detain you. But I was removed from your case."

She could tell with the way he didn't even blink that he did not believe a word she had just uttered. When he suddenly began walking again though, she was caught off guard and hurriedly scrambled further into the door. It was a dumb move though and all she did was successfully trap herself. This time at her panic, he hadn't bothered to stop or slow down. Instead, he continued till he was practically pressed against her, hands braced on the wood of her front door on either side of her head. Their chests were almost touching and out of anxiousness, she held her breath as he leaned down.

“You’re not a very good liar. Maybe don’t bother?”

Completely disregarding that she had worked so hard to keep her expression neutral, her eyes narrowed at his taunt. He was already pulling away though and straightening to his full height before she could even think of a response. Again, her body was tensing as she eyed him distrusfully.

“I’m sorry. I have to go. I only had time for this.” She was stunned by how apologetic and disappointed he sounded. To give an excuse as if he owed her anything or like she knew him well enough to care.

Against her better judgment and beyond her control she blurted, “I thought you said we needed to talk.” She wanted to smack herself almost immediately after saying that. It made her sound needy; like she was upset he was leaving. Which she was not.

His eyes shot back over to hers in muted surprise but the slight twitch of his mouth told her that he was stopping himself from laughing at her. Before she could glower at him or even try to take back her statement, he was already talking. “I already figured out what I needed.”

Not even bothering to hide that she didn’t understand what the hell he was talking about, her brows furrowed. They had barely spoke and she hadn’t told him anything.

His hand suddenly pressing against her cheek had her freezing. He wasn’t even gripping her- barely even touching her really. His hand was simply resting there as his thumb suddenly came down to brush against her bottom lip.

She would’ve pushed him away. She was too startled to do anything though- or that’s what she tried to argue with herself.

“I’ll see you again, Ran.”

[luckycheesefoodie321]

I’m about to unleash a LONG review of HTTYD3: The Hidden World RIDDLED with spoilers sooooo... (this is probably trash, it’s been several days since i started this so idk the flow and my thought process was a mess but i better post this now before i forget)

Spoiler free review: 9/10, I did cry, personally felt it was on par with HTTYD2 butttt I like it in a different way to HTTYD2... the animation? ferguckin’ gorgeous, there are fracking LEVELS to the beauty of the Hidden World (the actual place and the movie)...and Astrid’s hair??? mmmm yeah goals

OK SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT (and it looooong yall)

Ok so time to explain the 1/10:

the flow wasn’t as smooth?? as it could have been... it all made sense why things happened and where the motivations came from but...the transitions from sequence to sequence seemed...a little disjointed??? there were parts (maybe it was because i had a kid with me so I got distracted in like two parts) where I was like “oh wait something is happening?? oh wait no yeah I get it sure...so it took me second to realise how one scene got to the other (but again that might’ve been because i was distracted.)...and as a result of the slightly jarred flow, the pace seemed a little disrupted??? maybe it’s just me wanting more, but it felt like things could’ve been a bit...meatier??

also, this was a very Hiccup and Toothless film (I mean obviously, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and I intend to discuss how great it is later), and so it sorta left little fulfilment or finality for the side characters...they all had their moments sure, and somewhat of an end, but i feel like just a minute here and there more to give them a more satisfying character ending would’ve been nice...

NOW ONTO THE 9/10, and since we’re here already, let’s talk side characters

OUR DRAGON SQUAD

Tuffnut finally got a chance to shine for more than a second of screentime, and while he remained the comedic relief he’s always been (in the films, haven’t seen the shows or short films), it was fun to see him branch out and engage with Hiccup directly...the continuous through-line of him and his beard and trying to impart wisdom on Hiccup was great... Ruffnut also got some solid screentime and she finally made her choice of man (when really she didn’t have any for reasons I will explain later) and “accepted” Fishlegs...but idk didn’t care about that, her scene when she was “captured” by Grimmel was fantastic...Kristen Wiig delivered perfectly from intonation to comedic timing, loved her work! 

Snotlout...I literally had to pause a few seconds just now after typing his name bc *sigh*...we all know Snotlout’s has mild braggadocio...he spitting words with no follow through...annnd that doesn’t much change??? He’s still trying to front and compete with Hiccup and then Eret, and that was originally his charm point...but I would’ve liked to see him find validation in himself rather than an intentional compliment from Valka...and speaking of Valka??? Snotlout just latching onto the closest woman likkkkeeee Snotlout calm down you’re like 40 years younger than her??? maybe not 40 but point is Valka is a badass dragon momma who really isn’t going your way...I just wanted Snotlout to have his moment... 

Fishlegs...yeah he was all dragon daddy carrying his baby Gronkle around and also enjoying his baby Gronkle and that big dragon’s friendship...also Ruffnut has claimed him...bc Snotlout is chasing Valka...so there’s no real option for her (she moved on from Eret and her self-confidence is kinda dope)

HOMIE ADULTS

Eret, son of Eret...I wanted more of him...he just hanging around making passing comments and being the knowledgeable other about Grimmel...and then he had a little something something implied with Gobber??? they had some scenes that had me side-eyeing hardcore... Gobber basically has the same relationship he had with Stoick, but with Hiccup...general calling him out, questioning his lack of planning...just sorta done with everything...true sassy queen...and also yeah him and Eret??? suss

Valka, my queen, my dragon wizard lord who floats through the clouds... maintains her badassery and voice of wisdom role but again steps back to make way for Hiccup and Toothless...and she encouraged Snotlout, for which I am not down...like sure support him but ugh you know he’s into you so just...just...no

MAIN CHARACTERS

Grimmel...definitely a more fleshed out villain than the Red Death and Drago...not necessarily a complex villain, but he was a lot smarter and impacted Hiccup in a way the other two didn’t...rather than using blood and fire to cut to Hiccup’s core, he lured Toothless away and forced Hiccup into a sobering reality that he and Toothless can’t always be together...that said, his “death” was kinda lame...could’ve had more of a bang than probably drowning

The Light Fury was used in an interesting way...she’d already been captured and was used as bait, not just stumbled upon in the wilderness as I had assumed from the trailers...I enjoyed how she was so clearly a wild dragon...from the way she responded to Toothless and his attempts at flirting, spurred him to tap into his true potential and abilities that Valka had alluded to in HTTYD2, to how she always trying to get him to come away into the sky and away from the humans...that said I love how she gradually warmed up to Hiccup...not in the way Toothless did, but in a way where you knew she acknowledged that Hiccup was someone who was important to Toothless, and had no desire to harm her or other dragons and the fact she was the one who saved both Toothless and Hiccup at the end was great...

Astrid, once again, is the only one (aside from Valka, and apparently Eret) with any real sense, both common and fighting...she’s kept to her roots as a skilled fighter in her own right, as opposed to the others relying heavily on their dragons...her chemistry with Hiccup continued to be adorable and flirtatious and pure and wholesome and with all the mad banter...her being so firm against being married so quickly bouncing off Hiccup’s clearly apparent willingness to tie the knot was an adorable under-plot...her character was probably the most consistent of all the characters imo...and she got a fulfilling ending...plus once again, her hair, ESPECIALLY IN THE WEDDING SCENE WAS SO FRIGGEN GORGEOUS AND BEATS ALL ANIMATED HAIR EVER

And now the boys of the hour, Hiccup and Toothless

This was a Hiccup and Toothless film. No side story about his mom and dad, no arbitrary villain just there to cause conflict. This was a film about two best friends in an increasingly complicated world realising that in order to tackle that world? They’d have to separate. It’s the same feeling as realising that the people you grew up with or the friends you made in school won’t be able to stay by your side anymore. You each have a path to take and it’s not one that can be shared...maybe run parallel at times but not the whole way. This is what our boys had to face. 

I love love LOVED that there were sooo many parallels to the first movie...ugh to have that footage so I can count and display all the moments that just brought you back to all the charm and things you fell in love with in the first movie, but with more meaning, more stories to tell...it’s like when I saw Miley Cyrus sing The Climb again many many years after the Hannah Montana movie...there was suddenly more depth to her performance...this was the vibe I got..and it was obviously intentional in bringing so many parallels to the first movie...bringing the story full circle and all that, and of course it culminated in the most perfect moment, the moment that started us all on this journey...

BUT IN THE MOTHERFRACKING REVERSE!!! this was the moment that let those tears slip...I had gone in expecting to cry, but had far and away found myself having more fun and slowly accepting that maybe...maybe I wouldn’t cry in this movie...we got to the big goodbye, and I embodied my inner Jake Peralta and was like cool cool cool no tears yet, I can make it through and then BAM! they did the reverse hand touch and tears were spilled, and my friends were just watching me with unbridled glee in the dark as I got emotional...I’d been watching with increasing suspicion as moment after moment echoed the first movie, but somehow I didn’t realise they would do the reverse hand thing...maybe it’s because the hand thing had been embedded in every moment that Hiccup and the dragon riders encountered new dragons that I did not expect he would ever have to do it to Toothless again?? but in reverse???? because he was letting GO?!?!?!?!?! god it hit me hard...

But then a downside: they started to overuse it in the prologue-y sorta bit with the kids and meeting Toothless again...liiikkkeeee we already had that major impactful, emotional moment...why overuse it??? i would’ve much rathered they just gazed at each other for a bit before Toothless suddenly gives his signature toothless grin...or he swoops in and grabs Hiccup by the pegleg into the air, freaks everyone out, only to do the upside down grin thing- that would’ve been great...I mean they had that moment with the Light Fury but I wouldn’t have minded if they used that one again...

my mind is wandering and this probs doesn’t make any sense at this point sooo: the separation thing! good they established the over-reliance on the dragons and Hiccup’s thinking he can’t do well without Toothless, and Astrid, my QUEEN, coming in and telling him what’s what...and also not marrying him until he was more certain of himself because she knew if he wasn’t ready to face the world alone, he wasn’t ready to face the world with her (at least that’s my interpretation and again idk where I’m going with this thought process)...also love that Hiccup was lowkey jealous of the Light Fury...also also glad she never got a name...keeps her wild, as she should be...

I think this was definitely an incredible ending to an incredible trilogy of films...maybe not Toy Story perfect, but it was full of heart and emotion and continuously brought you back to all the wonder of the first film. Literally, there were so many parallels to the first film it was insane...while I talked about disjointed flow earlier, this incorporation of these callbacks was so well embedded, becoming just a natural proceeding of events... 

I’m coming back to this review after several days so idk where I was going with this soooo just gonna wrap this up:

ASTRID’S WEDDING HAIR WAS GOALS. THE END.

[saeranoppa]

Aaaaaah, what about 707 and MC hurt/comfort? Maybe something like in his route when he was being extra terrible to her and her just deciding to kind of.. disappear? Idk about you, but I would have wanted to deuce the heck out of there for a while bc thaT HURT

I know right!? I would’ve probably just… left. 

a/n: I’m going to mess a little bit with the canonic order of events & dialogues for the purposes of this scenario 

“God, I don’t know if you’re just lighthearted or stupid.”

“People who get curious without knowing anything, just thinking it’ll be alright… really make me tired.”

“That’s strange. I don’t want to get close to you at all.”

“From now on, if I have to tell you anything concerning your safety, I’ll do it through the messenger.”

“I’m going out to the hallway.”

“I’m going to come in when you’re sleeping, so meanwhile, sort out your emotions.”

It hurt. That’s the one thing your brain could fully register at the moment. How could he be like this? Maybe it was his plan to play you all along. Making you believe he was interested in the messenger. 

‘No, that can’t be. He isn’t like that.’ 

And of course you knew that. You just couldn’t find any other explanation for his sudden change in behavior towards you. He was so cold, so distant. And today, for the first time since you met him, you thought of him as unapproachable. You’d never thought like that of any member before. Not even Jumin, who seemed like the most intimidating out of all of them (now you knew he really wasn’t).

Was it something you said that made him so mad at you? Because every time he addressed you, it was as if he was spewing venom. Even his eyes, those eyes you longed to see face to face, looked at you as if you were nothing more than a nuisance, a pest. 

You were currently on your way up, in the elevator. You’d only gone to the convenience store for some of the red hair’s favorite chips. You truly never expected him to notice. 

The elevator doors opened and there he was, arms tapping his sides repeatedly. He was so enraged and anxiety seemed to be the only thing emanating from him. It made you feel guilty, ungrateful, and just shitty. But in that moment, there was a glint of genuine care in his eyes and a hint of worry in his voice as he practically interrogated you. And, just like that, some hope managed to spark within you. 

‘He cares.’

Or so you thought until—

“I don’t care about your feelings.”

…

You were suddenly hyperaware of your surroundings. There was your foot, about to step inside the supposedly deceased owner’s apartment. Your hand was clutching your phone and wallet. And Seven? He was heading back to his corner, about to sit down. 

Air.

It suddenly became extremely hard to breathe. The shaking in your arms increased with each passing second, while the lump in your throat started to become painful. 

And then, there was that sudden ache in your chest. It was as if all air was knocked out of your lungs and time had frozen still. 

All you managed to say was a strained, “Oh, I see.”

First you moved one foot, then the other. Next thing you knew, was that you were heading towards the emergency stairs, desperately needing to get away from him, from the pain. It was too much. You couldn’t cope, and so, you left the building and ran. Ran until your feet grew tired. Until the pain you were most aware of was the burning in your lungs.

He heard your tense voice, but never the shutting of the door that should’ve come after. A minute passed, then another, and still no shutting sound. 

‘Shit.’

He plugged off his headphones from his laptop and pushed the device away before rushing towards the door. He froze. It was wide open and with no trace of you around the one-room apartment. 

‘This is all your fault.’

He ran out of the apartment and into the hallway, looking around, still having the ridiculous hope of seeing you there. But you weren’t. Immediately, he whipped out his phone and opened a tracking app he created for the R.F.A members. He needed it for emergencies and he was pretty sure this classified as one. 

‘She’s probably already gone. Saeran probably took her already.’

From what the application told him, you were nearby, wandering in a shopping district. 

That said, he slid his phone into the pocket of his jeans, closed the apartment door, and set off to find you. 

‘You drove her away. You see? You only cause misery. Every decision you make goes wrong.’

You could feel tears run down yours cheeks ever so often. It was even hard to cry. 

Why had this affected you so much? For heaven’s sake, you just met then man a couple of days ago! How could you care for someone so much in such a short amount of time? You were being ridiculous. Or at least that’s what you wanted to think. 

It was easier to blame yourself than to acknowledge that Seven didn’t give a rat’s ass about you. He probably only saw you as an asset of the organization he needed to protect. Nothing more, nothing less.

Thump. 

There it was again. That aching in your heart. Oh, and what was that wetness? You brought your hand up to your cheeks, only to find fresh tears rolling along them.

You could feel the stares of the passers-by, quietly judging or pitying you. The neon lights emanating from the huge store fronts partially blinded you. You felt lightheaded and tired. But still, you couldn’t go back. You just couldn’t. The only thought only brought more misery to your already aching heart.

You finally found a bench in front of a currently closed store. 

His words kept repeating inside your head like a broken record. “I don’t care about your feelings.” 

“This sucks,” you said to no one in particular.

Suddenly, as if the pain hadn’t been enough already, flashbacks from the chatrooms and phone calls started crossing your mind. 

“Let’s marry in the space station.”

And then the dam broke. You started letting out quiet sobs, your face hiding behind your hair while your hands clutched fistfuls of your sweater. 

You were so busy remembering all the nice moments you two shared together (that apparently only you found meaningful) that you didn’t even notice the figure approaching you.

He was completely out of breath. He hadn’t stopped running until he reached the shopping district. 

“Please be okay, MC. Please. Just, be okay. I’m sorry. Please, God. Let them be okay.”

Those were the only words he kept repeating to himself, hoping that someone or something somewhere would listen to his prayers for once in his life. 

He knew that his words were harsh, but it was all in order to keep you away, to keep you safe. But it seems that method failed, since it only brought you only closer to danger. God, he wanted nothing more than to hold you close to him, to beg for your forgiveness, and never ever let you go. 

You were nowhere to be seen! He checked the application once again and it indicated that you were right in front of him. He kept looking around desperately until he heard choked sobbing coming from his right. 

There you were, your face now buried in your knees and your entire figure trembling ever so slightly. 

“MC…” he whispered before he started decisively walking up to you.

It wasn’t until you heard the sound of a throat clearing that you snapped your head up. Your face was stained with tears and your chest seemed to constrict even more the moment you laid eyes on him. 

‘Wait. What is he doing he— Oh, of course. I’m just an asset.’

You couldn’t bring yourself to even look at him. It was too painful. There was a time in which there was nothing you wanted more than to see him, to put your arms around him. It all had been wishful thinking. 

You also found yourself speechless. What could you say? What you did had been extremely selfish and inconsiderate towards his efforts, regardless of both of your feelings. 

“You’re okay,” was the first thing he said after a minute. But what surprised you most was the obvious relief and emotion that seemed to drip form his voice. You were confused to say the least. 

You could see his body move, then you heard a soft “thud”, and he was now sitting next to you. 

Silence. 

“I’m sorry,” his voice was steady and sounded slightly strained, but that could’ve just been your imagination. 

You shrugged, looking down at your own hands, suddenly very interested in how your fingers locked and unlocked, “It’s okay. I understand. I’m just an asset. Nothing special. I should be sorry for disregarding your efforts by running away, that was inconsiderate of me. I’m sorry to have wasted your time again. Let’s just go back to the apartment.” 

Not one step were you able to take before a trembling hand wrapped itself around your wrist and pulled you back down. You came crashing into the male’s chest, your eyes widening and heart suddenly racing. This was too much. These were all just a lot of emotions to process in such a short period of time.

‘What… What’s going on?’

Then his arms slowly started enveloping your tense form. You noticed he was shaking and seemed to tighten the hug every time you tried to pull away. 

“I-I’m… I’m so sorry, MC,” then the unexpected happened, he placed his lips on your forehead as his hands ran up and down your back. He sounded pained and that only added to your confusion. 

“Seven… Wh-What? Why? I thought I meant nothing… I thought,” you weren’t even processing your words, they just spilled off your mouth without even asking for permission, “I thought you hated me… I thought… Why are you doing this? Was it all a game? Is this a game to you!? Am I your toy!? Am I just something you can just use and dispose o—”

“No!! You’re not!!!” his yelling shocked you and a couple of the persons passing by.

“You’re not,” he whispered, “You’re so much more. I thought… I thought that keeping you away was the best thing I could do to keep you safe… I was an idiot! You’re not an asset! You’re not. You’re something pure and precious that doesn’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me.” 

And the weight on your chest was slowly being lifted and you could feel yourself breathe properly and suddenly the world seemed like a much brighter place. 

“Luciel…” hesitantly you placed your hand on his cheek, surprised not to see him flinch in a disgusted manner. Instead, he leaned into your touch, craving more. And without warning, you felt another lump in your throat, but this time, it wasn’t pain that caused it. It was relief.

“Why go so far? Why not just ask me what I wanted to do with my life? Why not just make things easier for the both of us…” tears started slowly running down your cheeks, successfully staining his shirt, “I feel safe when I’m with you. I feel connected to you, you can’t just tear me away, you can’t throw me away. You can’t just decide this things by yourself. I’m not pure, I’m not innocent. I have my faults, I have my virtues and so do you! And I… I love you for all of them. So let me go with you. Let me stay with you. I know I sound pathetic, but, there’s nothing I want more. I know the 707 from the chatroom isn’t all you, that’s why I want to get to know this ‘complete’ version of yourself better, so that my love for you only.. manages.. to grow…”

You trailed off, afraid of being too cheesy, afraid of scaring him away again. Afraid of being hurt. 

Instead, he lifted up your chin carefully and brushed his lips against your own, nodding once. He’d made up his mind. He would’t let you go again, for both of your sakes. 

“This… You and me, we’ll make it work. We’ll have a future, all of us. I… I’ll never let you go,” he sounded almost afraid of admitting that to himself. But he was sure now, he needed you and you needed him. 

You responded with a soft peck on his forehead before slowly standing from the bench, helping him up in the process. 

Just then did you notice his tears and you felt your heart clench. Immediately you reached up to lovingly wipe them away before running your hand all along his arm until it came to rest in his own. 

“Let’s go back to the apartment.”

“Let’s.”

And you knew that it was going to be okay. You knew that if you stuck together, things would turn out alright.