#idk generally the show has these ideas of love and sex that rly do not settle with me

[lastparty]

seeing red bathroom scene they just took it so far and its not something that ever needs to be depicted i got uncomfortable enough in the episodes where a guy kills their (ex-)girlfriend the way its discussed afterwards and constany recapped and yet the narrative expects us to just move forward its all handled so badly that was not executed the way they wanted it to be and yes i'll say it feels out of character or at least inconsistent

[angelismmm]

pairings. blade x gn!reader

synopsis. nsfw alphabet w blade gg ez, a-n only becuz im l-l-lazy....

a - aftercare (what are they like after the deed?)

blud lowkey don't give a shit about you if you aren't that close, lmao

but if you are, probably kind of clingy, and really caring. a lot of cuddling, don't tell me i'm wrong cuz i'm NOT.

in some cases, and instances, those.. 'activities' you both have do make him quite exhausted, and most of the time it really just ends with him showering you, cleaning you up, and just being in his embrace (more utc.)

b - body part (their fave body part, of themselves, and their partner's!)

probably for himself; would be his hands. just in general, plus he knows how well they treat you anyway! so why wouldn't it be his favorite? and for you, probably loves everything, doesn't know what he'd do without it, can't decide on one sole favorite, maybe your stomach and probably your neck!

c - cum (cum, anything to do with it)

will cum on your face, if not, he'll come inside, nothing in between.

i dont know how to elaborate here but um, the way his cum be sprayed all over ur face is just so mmmm to him. makes him hard all over again!

d - dirty secret (self explanatory)

not rly dirty, but wants to see you get a necklace with his name on it, or a collar with his name on it, and while he pounds so recklessly, he wants to see that pretty little pendant of his bouncing up and down on your neck, very fond of the idea, but never would actually say it to you, unless you really push him enough.

e - experience (has bro done the deed before?)

maybe? not that experienced probably, but has messed around with somebody before yes!

he knows what he's doing though, don't worry. but overall probably just did it once or twice, barely can call it sex

he probably read about sex before doing it with you, cause he wanted it to go perfectly.

f - favorite position (self explanatory pt2)

just as long as he can see your face, missionary, cowgirl, let it be anything, just as long as he can see how your face just gets so corrupted because of his big cock.

g - goofy (is bro serious about sex?)

very serious, it's almost funny, but it isn't, he's dedicated, and will show it.

but maybe when you both get closer, and are able to be more intimate with each other, in relationship wise, and etc., sure he'll laugh once or twice about a mistake he's done.

h - hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

um, yes and no?? i don't really know, i can't rly tell, like maybe thrice a week sure, and the rest of the week he don't really care, it gets messy when you both fuck anyways. and yes, black hair, thats it, idk how to elaborate ab this LMAO

i - intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

gets too embarassed. no he will not show his blushing face, even if he's already inside, probably takes like, a round or two before he does

kind of like, he'd giggle about it and go okay bae

but also would be the kind of guy to go, "i want to be the only man, the only person, in this whole galaxy, this whole universe, to make you feel like this."

j - jack off (master bait :D)

yes, very often, no other choice, i cant say otherwise. likes to imagine its you on that monster ahh cock instead of his hand, be real, he the type to do that. uses imagination wisely, and does it when you're away from him, on a mission, or whatever, needs you 24/7 tho

k - kink/s

degrading you like it's his life's purpose. loves you like it's the calm life he's been looking for since forever, but will degrade you, calls you slut, whore, made for his cock, and all that jazz.

oh but facesitting; super big fan, wants to just be in you, tongue up in your hole, while he just strokes his cock, just needs you to sit on his face so bad

be so fucking honest w me, he probably turned on by the idea of getting pegged, or getting anal. won't admit it out loud, but he wants to get treated like a prince. like just wants you to make him feel so good, that's it.

l - location

doesn't give a fuck if other people hear, will fuck you in an alleyway if he feels like it, or if you feel like it, in the public bathroom <3 but just way prefers being in bed with you, feels more romantic, and gives off more feeling to the moment, in his own opinion, will do whatever you're comfortable with.

n - no no

roleplay, anything related to it, it seriously grosses him out

non con, in general, he's disgusted by it, i know that for a fact.

don't degrade him please, he's heard, and been called all kinds of names before, and it's not like he ever liked them.

don't hurt him, it's clear in his skill he does hurt himself in the process</3, im sure he seriously just wants to love you, and wants it back, his degrading is to a small extent, and it's just in the heat of the moment thing!

[dogfags]

I <3 my like 2 friends but I don't feel connected or integrated into my general community at all. I kinda came to the conclusion that I dislike someone I considered a pretty good friend bc they clearly have some problem with me / their personality just rubs me the wrong way. It's hard bc I've always had a difficult time making friends. My bf has 0 trouble making friends and he's closer to some of my friends than I am now when I'm the one who introduced them. It just sucks. I wish I could start over somewhere.

The gay scene in my city is also just full of tenderqueers and ppl I don't relate to at all so it's hard to date/find friends and I lucked out w Craig bc we share a lot of the same ideals but even with him I feel like an alien sometimes. I don't feel like I fit in with other trans ppl and only ever felt any sort of community when I thought I was a lesbian. Giving up that community to transition was hard but necessary. But now I just feel completely alien to other trans and gay ppl. It's easier to relate to others when I'm stealth like at school bc they don't already know me / have any preconceived ideas about me and they're not gunna put me in a box except maybe that I'm gay which is fine.

I just miss having a sense of community like I used to. Like when I'd go to punk shows I felt that there or when I was in college living on campus. I like my coworkers but they never invite me to hang out outside of work like they do with each other. And idk how to just invite myself along when I don't even know or hear about what they're doing. The girls at cos school are rly nice and I'd like to befriend at least the girl who's been my partner for most of the time there but I'm just ?? So socially awkward and anxious idk how to be like haha pls be my friend. She doesn't use any social media so I can't rly use that as a way in. Idkkk

I got lucky with Sonya bc I got randomly assigned her and Chloe as roommates and we just became good friends. But even the ppl Sonya hangs out with don't seem to want to get to know me or become friends. Craig and Sonya are always going and hanging out with people and it makes me sad being home alone but I also don't rly know anybody like that nor do I have much time now to hang out with others since I'm either in school or at work constantly. Even my online friends don't rly text me anymore and idk I'm just getting lonely.

Part of me wants to just withdraw into myself and isolate even further. I wish I could leave Indy and move somewhere better and start over. But there's so much keeping me here. Craig doesn't want to leave any time soon and I can't imagine doing anything on my own like that when I'm this broke. I just hate it here I want to pack up and leave but I can't. In a fantasy land I'd go live in Seattle or somewhere close in Washington. Make all new friends who didn't know me during my unmedicated undiagnosed in denial about being trans era. I'd love it if I could just change my legal sex and go stealth for the rest of my life and never have to deal with shit like that again. I'm returning to the insane loneliness I felt growing up in grade school bc we lived on a farm in the middle of fucking nowhere and I had no friends bc I cried constantly at school and was a weird kid.

[guiltycorp]

~Arcane!Viktor’s vaguely-queer-moments~ with commentary about how it might just be straight after all to keep myself in check.  Alright, so I might miss something, feel free to add (although this is more for myself tbh, sort of a journal entry). Personally, I didn’t notice like half of this when I was watching for the first time and didn’t really think much about the possibility, however the second time I was quite surprised to notice that there was... eh, quite a bit.  Also, this isn’t meant to cover anything from LoL lore, but it’s nice to remember that as a character he was originally a soviet-coded robotic mad scientist. Idk it’s not a very gay archetype by itself but it IS rather sensual.  Anyway!  1) Saying 'it’s Viktor’ and then continuing to soulfully gaze into Jayce’s eyes for another couple of seconds as his theme swells (’It’s Viktor’, fittingly). 

might just be fanservice for league players who remember old champs, gasp, oh it IS viktor, the machine herald, plus letting the theme’s violin notes hit just right, plus this is the finishing scene before the story gets back to vi... kinda awkward tho??   2) ‘Wait a minute, this isn’t my bedroom’ as the excuse he came up with when Mel came across him and Jayce breaking into Heimerdinger’s lab, clear implication (although Jayce talks at the same time so it might be harder to hear for some viewers).  ...might be a generic excuse for trying to open the wrong door and also too subtle, flew right over most ppl’s heads, however this is probably the most overt viktor line in the show 3) Right after that he throws a sour look at Jayce who’s busy mooning over Mel. 

uhh concern that his new partner would be more interested in a gorgeous corrupt politician rather than in scientific progress? doubtful:) however also subtle, didn’t notice this on 1st watch 4) Doesn’t return Sky’s interest, in fact the first time we see them together he kept on looking at Jayce (who was about to give a speech yeah but also had his back turned to Viktor atm). 

well, this could be for a variety of non-queer reasons... more like an additional detail and in later scenes when he’s busy with hexcore he’s practically ignoring jayce almost the same way he does her, so im not putting it here  5) Viktor bleeding onto Hexcore and passing out while Mel&Jayce have sex (with Viktor’s theme worked into Romance track), in this case i actually prefer a metaphor for the rich and powerful of the world finding both cooperation and pleasure together while the less privileged inevitably suffer and have to turn to less ethical means to survive, but well... The fact that Jayce is having sex with his political partner while his scientific partner is dying is still a bit? Suggestive? These readings aren’t mutually exclusive.  6) “Singed: If you take this path, they will despise you. Love and legacy are the sacrifices we make for progress. It’s why I parted ways with Heimerdinger. Viktor: Jayce will understand.”  idk this seems like a logical answer after the mention of singed’s previous lab partner but still, love.. more a weird choice of words on singed’s part tbh, could be just a generic type of love in a ~friendly colleagues~ way lol 7) no visible nipples under a really high support brace 

might be just stylistic design choices ig, low pectoral muscles.. due to muscle atrophy maybe?   So, like, all of this can be viewed in a different light, I guess? And most overt hints are in Act I.  This is naturally a familiar path for anyone who has experience with fandom and reading into things, impossible to say for sure whether it’s all in our heads or not... Earlier I’d say that it doesn’t even matter! We do have one rly cool queer couple in the show and also perhaps this ambiguity suits that particular storyline, AND more importantly Viktor’s sexuality or gender wouldn’t really add that much to the themes of the show, in my opinion. It’s just really nice for fanart and fic ideas, various additional materials and rediscovering the homoeroticism of cold war metaphors in League lore.  But after that whole thing on Amanda Overton’s twitter (one of the writers for Arcane) with first an implication that any queer-seeming moments are just the results of ‘no stigma against affection between men, friends or family’ followed by a bewildering ‘I’ve faced what felt like identity erasure myself many times. I’ve not given a real-world label to any one of our characters because I sincerely believe it will be more satisfying to learn this as their story unfolds.’ Which um. Reads as ‘wait and see’, essentially, also backed up by a different artist (Evan, although he isn’t working on s2) on the show seemingly for this particular issue (’I super do need people to stop asking us about things that aren't explicitly shown in s1. I get that people want assurances, but it'd be such a massive disservice to spoil any of the moments being cooked up’).  And after that I’ve began to feel a familiar frustration...  Like, this isn’t that big of a question in the story? Like I said, Viktor’s sexuality or gender isn’t super relevant to his character since he already has lots of other narrative-defining traits (risk-taking scientist focused on improvement of life quality & leaving a legacy, comes from zaun, disabled, close to dying), plus if Amanda is to be believed there’s no stigma towards sexuality or gender expression in Runeterra so it wouldn’t be seen as an alienating trait, just a sort of sad one if he had an unexplored (and potentially unrequited) crush on Jayce. Which again, isn’t really needed to drive home the idea that their relationship is slowly falling apart because of a divide in ideologies and personal circumstances. Or rather, it just wouldn’t be a good twist for s2, but it would have been a potentially cool detail to add or imply in s1.  My point is that if the queercoding was intentional why not say so? And if it’s not what’s the big deal in saying ‘nope! it wasn’t intentional! however we can see how it could be viewed that way, best of wishes to the fandom, you’ll get your riot mlm and or trans rep someday, xxx’.  Or, yknow, ignoring the question. Instead homophobic and/or sexist fans took the first part of the answer as an opportunity to gloat that the idea of a queer Viktor is entirely delusional while us losers received familiar bait of ‘maybe it’ll happen in s2!! be on the lookout for bi Jayce trying to seduce robo-Viktor (Even-Bigger-Dick-Now) who fell out of love with Jayce because of hexcore or an undercity flood or whatever’. Argh idk, I’d easily expect such an answer from a riot marketing team! But it’s really kinda sad to see the same sort of vague placation of both sides from a queer writer who pushed forward Vi/Caitlyn whose relationship truly kept me on the edge of my seat the whole show. sigh

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[helenaredamancy]

just some musicals i rly like that aren’t talked about enough

listen i know these are all popular/successful but they r STILL underrated idc

(musicals like hamilton, deh, hadestown etc. aren’t here because i feel like they get the hype they deserve)

next to normal (!!!) if you like deh, sa, company, or falsettos you’ll prob LOVE this- it talks about mental illness without stigmatizing it, the music is incredible and has rock vibes, the vocals are AMAZING, also it has aaron tveit, the ending is bittersweet and really pretty- it won a pulitzer for a reason. it focuses on a family in the suburbs and the effects of grief, loss, and mental illness. it might be hard to follow from the soundtrack alone so looking up a synopsis would be helpful to first time listeners. there’s a big theme of recovery and acceptance, and moving to something close enough to ‘normal’ to get by. you will cry. tw: suicide attempt, mental illness, drug use, death (happens before the show begins), electroshock therapy, memory loss

falsettos the 2016 revival cast has a proshot available! the casting is 100% and it’s such a nice story, focusing on an unconventional family unit in the late 70′s - early 80′s amid the AIDS crisis, and growing into a family and learning how to love. the lyricism is lovely, and the pacing is always quick and energetic, the songs are really catchy, and you WILL cry.  (you will like it if you have daddy issues or anxiety) tw: death

spring awakening very emo. rock vibes. you’ll prob like it if you like next to normal, falsettos, deh, heathers, mean girls, or most andrew lloyd webber. angsty teens in germany. jonathan groff. there should be a tw for suicide, abuse, abortion, rape, and a sex scene that’s in the grey area consensually, and mental illness. its DARK. somehow every song is about sex, the lyrics and melodies are very poetic and metaphorical and pretty. you will cry. its the most emo musical ever.  tw: like, everything

the last five years the story of a 5 year relationship, starting from its inception to jaime and cathy’s eventual divorce, based off jason robert brown’s real marriage. jaime starts from the beginning of the relationship and cathy begins at the end, with their respective timelines intersecting in the middle at their wedding. they take turns telling the story. they are the only ones singing, the soundtrack is basically the entire show but the timeline stuff could be confusing. there is a movie version w/ jeremy jordan and anna kendrick that’s well done and easier to follow. you will cry.  tw: dysfunctional marriage??? infidelity i guess, and divorce

catch me if you can  aaron tveit and norbert leo butz. AND KERRY BUTLER. do i need to say more? really good music, from the dudes who made hairspray. based on the 2002 movie of the same name, which was based off the real life story of frank abignale (a con man in the 60′s). the songs all fit the vibe of the story well and are addictive. aaron tveit served in this (funfact: he didn’t miss a single show during cmiyc’s broadway run), and his vocals are just amazing. kerry butler’s big song, fly fly away, is my favorite song of hers ever. you probably won’t cry. its a fun show.  tw: I have no idea, maybe prepare yourself for the beauty that is aaron tveit+kerry butler’s voices together. idk. you’ll like this if you like beetlejuice. bc kerry butler. 

bonnie and clyde jeremy jordan AND laura osnes! musical about bonnie and clyde, the music was written to fit their voices, their chemistry is really nice, and their voices blend together well. it’s a fairly (?) sad show, you MIGHT cry but it’s generally a fun show with catchy music. jeremy jordan’s clyde barrow accent is an experience.  tw: death, sort of toxic relationship, rape/abuse, 

assassins one of my favorite sondheim shows, ever. it explores assassins throughout american history, specifically people who have tried to kill and have killed american presidents throughout history, starting with john wilkes booth. it uses a framing device of an american CARNIVAL. very unsettling. dark. twisted american dream. good music (as always, thank you mr sondheim).  tw: lots of murder and assassins (duh), good dose of southern racism mainly courtesy of john wilkes booth, suicide attempts

[sayosdreams]

Hello, just want to say I love sand and stardust so so much it’s one of my favourite Nessian fics.

On a unrelated note (sorta?) what are some of your favourite Nessian headcanons and what are you most looking forward to in acosf

🥺🥰

Thanks that’s so sweet!! I’m glad you like Sand and Stardust. I love writing it too (*unwritten and negelected next chapter growls in the background*)

Ok hmmm idk if I’d call them headcanons but like. Here you go:

Nesta letting her hair down for the first time in front of Cassian and Cassian being like 😱😍

Nesta having a panic attack (either in the bath tub or in front of a fire) and Cassian realizing the extent of her trauma

Nesta talking about her childhood

Cassian talking about his childhood

Nesta playing with Cassian’s hair (this is based on a fic I read)

Nesta and Cassian’s first time being sweet and passionate rather than super rough bc I feel like Nesta and Cass are both fairly experienced in the physical part of sex — they need that like emotional side for it to be special ((yeah I know a lot of ppl want them to have hate sex but I don’t. Maybe it’s bc I’m too immature / inexperienced and I crave the idea of romantic sex idk. ))

Cassian cooking Illyrian food for Nesta (based off another fanfic) and Nesta loving it.

Cassian and Nesta having their own house

Nesta telling Cassian that when she was human, she’d wonder what it would be like to fly and admitting that she had romanticized the notion until that trip. And Cassian is like huh?? U didn’t like it?? And she’s like no it was so bumpy and I got so nauseous and the wind hurts. And then Cassian realizes that Rhysand was an asshole 🙃

Just Nessian lying in bed together, soft sunlight streaming in through the windows, making Nesta’s hair and Cassian’s eyes glitter and glow softly.

For a while I had this head canon that Nesta would sing. Idk, I just felt like singing is v emotional and Nesta is too so

Nesta and Cassian being hella protective of each other

But also letting each other have freedom and space bc they’re that confident in their relationship (as in, like, u can talk to whomever u want and go hang out with strangers if u feel safe but if anyone dares to speak ill about u I’ll murder them on the spot so they better not even think about hurting u in any way)

Nesta being soft in private once she’s comfortable, doing small things for Cassian show her love

Cassian being quieter in private, still humorous but like. He doesn’t need to put on a show and smile ALL the time. He has his own ups and downs and feels valid in his emotions

Feeling valid and confident and worthy of each other’s love

Ok things that I want in ACOSF besides the stuff I already said:

Nesta making friends outside of the inner circle and them being primarily HER friends (like they can be friends w Cass too, but they need to be her friends first or like at least 1 or 2 need to be wayyy closer to her)

Exploring Nesta’s powers!!!

Exploring Cassian’s trauma

Addressing how the Inner Circle dynamics aren’t always healthy *cough* Mor *cough*

Speaking of Mor, id love to see either direct convo between Mor and Nesta where Mor is like sorry for being mean (even if it’s implied) or at least Cassian and Mor resolving their issues

Rhys and Nesta.... oof.

Nesta and her sister talking and getting a bit closer

Oh yeah THE ARCHERON MOM!!! Talk about he. For the longest time I thought she was gonna be important in the ACOTAR plot and then she wasn’t 😔

Oooh Illyrians. I don’t want them to be “beasts” or “backwards people” or whatever. I get that they have rly unequal societies and ruthless customs which they want to change but I’d love to explore other facets of Illyrians — their history, their culture (food, art, music, ceremonies, religions, myths, language), etc. in general, I’d love to know more about non-High Fae, though not necessarily in ACOSF (can u tell that I tried to satisfy my own needs in Sand & Stardust? Lol)

Nesta breaking character in front of everyone after Nessian is established. Like, smiling at Cass and tucking a hair away, or crying in a panic attack in front of the fire. Whatever is fine but I want that and then they’ll realize like oh shit maybe we shouldn’t villainize this woman and actually think of her as a person

Ok it’s 2 am so imma go sleep now but I hope that was ok! I know i rambled and complained about the IC.... sorrryyy

Thanks so much for sending me this ask. I love ask :)))

[soultronica]

So i wrote a ficlet about my kidlaw-got-married-and-divorced-young AU. As said in the notes i do like to headcanon that they get back together in this verse, but much much later, when they’re well in their forties. Partly because i love getting back together stories, partly because i like the idea of amicable divorce to the point that you can stay in each other’s orbit for that long, partly because I like the idea of growing into each other’s perfect person after some time, as the result of a life lived. 

Anyway no way i could condense /that/ into a ficlet so here are headcanons about 45yo!kidlaw (getting back together after having been very briefly married in their twenties)

> 45yo!kid is a leather dad but tbf he’s always dressed that way

> 45yo!law is also a leather dad but he aged into it and refuses to admit he might’ve been influenced by kid’s style

> kid’s the type of guy who’d normally have a beard, unfortunately he still can’t grow one

> neither has ever had difficulty getting laid but law was considered the hot one when they were younger whereas kid is particularly popular now, especially with younger gays 

> law knows this and is very petty about it

> (kid once dated guy who was like, 26yo, for a couple months and law still talks about that time he was “dating jailbait”. also he sarcastically calls kid “daddy” when he’s being a bitch)

> in general, kid has the ability to stay on good terms with the majority of his exes unless it’s a rly bad breakup (perks of burning through your feelings fast)

> he even has an ex-step kid who still has his phone number and to whom he sends happy bday texts and the like, nothing weird

> law on the other hand is full no-contact with all his exes, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but he still feels envious of kid for having that ability?

> either way they’re both each other’s The Ex. the whole combination of being each other’s first serious relationship / their only marriage / still seeing each other regularly because of their friends. they just kinda see each other as occupying that important niche in their lives

> this said they’re not close friends? they manage to get back to liking each other quickly enough (see ficlet), and stay friends after that, and they see each other like once a month at functions, but they never do stuff just the two of them

> kid is pretty tight with baby tho (law’s sister, in every modern au she’s law’s sister ok) because idk the weapons/machinery stuff they have in common idk how that works out practically irl. they repair motorbikes or something

> and of course luffy and the strawhats kind of glue everyone together into a big chaotic family

> and also i lied about them never doing anything just the two of them because they’ve fucked again a few times. like not a lot, but. fucking your ex is a thing and when you’re both available and wound up at the same party, why not

> and i guess that’s kind of how the reconnecting starts?

> like at first it’s definitely sex-with-the-ex sex, like it happens once every 5 years and it’s nice but at the end it’s “yeah thank god we’re not together anymore, a couple hours with this guy is definitely my limit”

> once they hit 40 tho, they kinda reach a new phase where they like-like each other. like they genuinely start enjoying each other’s company again to the point of wanting to seek it out apart from other people

> it’s kinda hard to articulate why now and not then tbh like obviously the first time they married each other too early before they could be sure they liked each other enough to sustain long term. but they were in love and surrounded by friends and they felt like they’d found their family-for-life and making such an obviously dumb choice felt kinda radical to both of them? and then they started annoying each other 75% of the time way too early ofc. but when they’re older they’re also more settled, more chill, with similar interests, and a lowkey whatever attitude on life on both sides that finally makes them fit together without the friction

> (stuff they now have in common includes both being in the local concert scene, yknow the gigs where the crowd is 80% dads, also now that they both have kids in their circles they find they're both pretty uncle-y. and also kid reads now lol)

> anyway when they reach a point where they’ve seen each other for the third time that week and spent the entire night talking, and two of those times was initiated by them without the excuse of going home together after a thing they were both at, they go yknow what let’s give it a go because now they’re not idiots anymore 

> only killer knows for the first couple months. baby would’ve been told if she could be trusted lol

> they’re not exclusive. they weren’t the first time and it didn’t work for them (when they reached the point where they saw other people more than each other bc they didn’t enjoy each other’s company that much anymore after the nnth fight was when it was p clear divorce was on the table) but this time it works as intended. also they find out they like swinging

> they don’t move in with each other either. spend a lot of time at each other’s places but they can afford + like having their own

> after a year or so of low intensity dating and being happy with it they start showing up at functions together

> everyone’s like you know what? this is a good development i dig it. kind of like when they managed to become friends again the first time and everyone was pretty relieved

> both kid and law are happy

> also in love eventually

> presumably 5ever

> they are never EVER ever getting married again

[reversecreek]

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?  

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering. 

[zhuhongs]

Here’s my long ass review of TGCF that literally no one asked for it i have opinions and I have no one to tell them too so i must write them out and post them. (also part of this is abt the mdzs novel bc i can’t not compare them and I have a lot of thoughts abt that too)

This is very very long so it’s going under a read more. Spoilers ahead!!

Okay so first off this book was a fucking behemoth i can’t believe i read all of that (minus the extras) in under a week.. what the fuck. I definetly got reading fatigue halfway thru book 3.

I’m gonna separate my thoughts into sections bc i  have a few points that don’t all relate

firstly, overall writing and organization:

I said it earlier but tgcf is a lot more structurally sound than mdzs imo. My biggest criticism of the MDZS novel (minus the bad sex scenes, homophobia, and general I hate mxtxness of it) was the way the flashbacks were presented. 

Like OH MY GOD they were presented so badly. I hated that the flashback was told intermittently and only when one of the characters invoked the past. For example, when WWX meets Jiang Cheng and a second time, Jin Ling distracts JC to release “Mo Xuanyu” bc he saved his life in the Nie Ancestral hall earlier. WWX then proceeds to be the self sacrificing dude he is and take away Jin Ling’s curse and put it on himself. When he escapes and returns to LWJ, LWJ offers to carry him.

 If you watched CQL, you know exactly what LWJ is referring to when he says smth to the effect of “You once offered to carry me too, remember.” HOWEVER in the novel you don’t know what he’s talking about. This is because the flashback wasn’t been revealed to you yet. The next chapter goes to tell the flashback. I think that this takes away all of the emotional depth away from the scene. But in CQL, having the flashback already be known, you make the connection on your own and are like “awww wangji remembers that.. even 16 years later.“ Its a lot sweeter bc you know what the two have gone thru. At this point in the MDZS novel its barely the 30th chapter or so and you have no real idea what wangxian have been thru together or what reasons wangji has for loving wwx. You just think, well obviously they like each other bc this is a danmei novel and they are the two leads, ofc they have to like each other. But in cql, you learn through watching them that they’re in love. It’s not just like”well they have to be!! its a bl!!”

Okay that was a rlly long side tangent but it makes me so angry. So what did any of that have to do with TGCF?? well tgcf doesn’t have this issue. In fact, i believe that it gains a lot from having the flashback withheld from the reader. 

I really liked how the flashbacks were contained to books 2 and 4 respectively because it adds a layer of mystery. Hua Cheng is a very secretive man so it makes sense for us to not know everything about him upfront. The way that the author teases and hints little things at you make you want to know more, making it all the more satisfying when the truth is revealed. Because in a way you Know that Hua Cheng meets Xie Lian before and you know that he’s the child XL saved during the God Pleasing Ceremony but you don’t know all the details. Like obviously since Hua Cheng is a ghost you know that he’s died and it was likely for Xie Lian or Xian le’s sake but you probably never expected that he actually died twice. Once on the battle field and second when he took the human face disease. I think the difference between these flashbacks and the flashbacks in MDZS result from the length. In TGCF you get two long concise flashbacks that make sense to be placed where they are. Book 2 because you already have a feel and hint at what the characters have been through and book 4 because the White No Face appears again so then you learn how he and Xie Lian met before. It wouldn’t make sense to place book 2 any earlier bc there is no emotional impact. And it doesn’t make sense to place book 4 earlier because you don’t know what the white no face’s deal is so it’d be confusing. In MDZS, you get numerous short flashbacks happening alongside the main story and it makes it hard to piece together the timeline in a way that feels satisfying. Ik a lot of ppl grill cql for having a confusing intro episode and having a rlly long flashback but its much better than the mdzs novel. However the mdzs donghua handles the flashback in the most concise way imo.

Overall i think the way the story is structured is very good and is a step up from mdzs. Also the horror aspects of tgcf are rlly enjoyable and honestly i think mxtx should just write short horror stories at this point. like enough long ass novels chock full of fetishization. just write some fun horror with no romance and call it a day.. pls

Side Characters:

okay so straight up, i think the side characters arent used as well as they were in mdzs bc mxtx wanted to focus on hualian and didn’t want to give the side characters as much focus. This is a weaker point of the novel.

I’ll get into it more below but i think hua cheng was done dirty as a character by having him rlly only care abt xie lian. Since he doesn;t have any real relationships with others outside of xie lian this takes away from having more depth in the side characters. They’re really only related as far as xie lian’s relationship with them. Though thankfully xie lian gets rather close with a few officials and the ones we get to see more of are rlly interesting. I especially loved the reconciliation of mu qing, feng xin, and xie lian at the end of book 5. honestly their relationship was one my favorites and i’m glad they finally said what they had to say to each other after 800 fucking years. Also Shi Qingxuan is a delight. we stan sqx in this house.

The characters i wish we had seen more of were yushi huang (although she didnt rlly want to be there, good for her), Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu. I very much wish yizhen and yin yus story happened earlier on and we had more time with them. It felt strange to have their subplot occur towards the end and it was sort of out of place but i liked them a lot!! i wish there was more to it. and that there was a reconcilation but mxtx hates happy shidi’s doesnt she, (glares at novel jc). Also man yin yu did NOT have to die like that i’m sad.

Also, honestly.. i don’t think qi rong added to the story whatsoever and i have no clue why he and guzi were there. qi rong just pissed me off the whole time and added literally nothing.

going back to yushi huang, i’d like to say for the millionth time that i hate how mxtx uses any of her female characters. like we get it.. u hate women being useful... im still pressed but what i want to say has been said many times before so ill leave it at that.

Hualian:

I really really did like hualian at the end. They had a truly epic love story and it was so beautiful, especially when hua cheng repeated his words as wuming to xie lian as he started to disappear. But, I said it once and i’ll say it again. I don’t think Hualian is a super healthy relationship. As fiction its fine (i firmly believe fiction impacts reality but let me finish), i guess bc literally nothing about their situation can be replicated irl and none of it ended up containing manipulation or abuse or anything bad but there was a potential for it to and i’m really glad it didnt go that route.

Hualian is a highly idealized and romanticized relationship full of some truly troubling feelings of self worth. While its “beautiful” in a way that hc really was xls most devoted believer, it wasnt healthy for him to live for xl like this. Nor was it healthy for xl to feel so unworthy of hua chengs love.  

Hua Cheng’s devotion to Xie Lian is a little too extreme and it bothers me. When the truth was revealed abt the Temple of 10,000 Gods I had the same reaction as Mu Qing and Feng Xin. I was like... HEY WHAT THE FUCKK that’s a little uh... thats NOT HEALTHY,, dianxia PLEASE say smth. But ofc Xie Lian didn’t say fucking anything and and i was so pissed. Like the whole thing of Hua Cheng living his life solely for XIe Lian is really kinda fucked up and not romantic. I was holding out hope that at some point XIe Lian would sit him down and be like “Hey! I love you and i’m really grateful that all these years you’ve still believed in me when no one else did. But you can’t just live your life for my sake. You deserve love from many other other people and deserve to have a life and happiness outside of me. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you need to not only think of me.” or something to that effect

It bothers me that after Xie Lian learns the truth he doesn’t once reassure Hua Cheng that he didn’t have to make Xie Lian his reason for existence. Like.. idk i just think that’s rlly kinda unhealthy. Like I understand why Hua Cheng is so deeply devoted to Xie Lian-- he saved his life twice and was the only one to ever show him kindness and he’s seen xie lian suffer a fate worse than death multiple times. I get that he wants to protect him and make his life easier, but to not let anyone else into his life and spend 800 years looking for xie lian is just overkill. Like if the whole 10k statues thing never happened i’d be 100 percent fine with hualin but the whole devotion to that extent... uhhh yea.. no that put a bad taste in my mouth. Obsession should not be romanticised. I don’t think any reader of tgcf is going out and deciding to live like hua cheng obviously but still.

Also Side note, the whole 100 swords scene.. bro i felt for hua cheng, the way he screamed seeing that, i don’t blame him. I was so horrified reading that chapter. i don’t think i’ve been so horrified by a piece of media like that in a while. Poor fucking xie lian.. oh my god. I understand the intense reaction he had and how seeing that prompted such a degree of loyalty but still.. 10k statues?? the cave that mu qing and feng xin saw... thats a little too much obssession... like please.. dial it back.. im begging u.

I was talking to mary (liviahyes) and she said smth abt how Hua Cheng doesn’t have a character outside of xie lian. And she’s right, he kinda doesn’t. If Xie Lian didn’t exist neither would Hua Cheng. I get that that counds kinda romantic but in practice i don’t think its a good things. Especially because Xie Lian has a story outside of Hua Cheng, hehas goals, he has friends, he has something. Hua Cheng said it-- his only dream is Xie Lian. Which is romantic but very very unbalanced. 

THAT BEING SAID, i still rly liked their relationship and i think theyre cute they just have issues they need to work through. I mean they have time but yea. It wasn’t perfect but eh. overall i’m bitter bc they couldve been THAT COUPLE but theyre so many bad implications as mentioned above and i.. smh. They still have amazing moments. Like the lantern scene, the alter scene, the “what matters is you, not the state of you”, the end when hua cheng helps release the shackles on xie lian, the scene where hua cheng disappears, the way xie lian waited for him, like they were so close to being THAT COUPLE but then mxtx and her fujo ass just had to make it uncomfortable like that. i’m so bitter. Like the reason why i wrote out all of this is bc this novel could’ve been great but so many little things added up and made the experience far more sour than it shouldve been.

MXTX did hua cheng SO DIRTY by not giving him a character much outside of loving xie lian and being good at everything. Like when I first learned abt how Hua Cheng beat 33 heavenly officials at what they excel in best i was like WHO IS THIS LEGEND but honestly.. he rlly doesn’t have any motivations outside of helping xie lian and I wish he had more to him . Like if we had more situations like the one where hua cheng dug out his own eye to save the group of mortals on mount tong’lu then he’d have been a much more well rounded character. Honestly, that’s rlly the only instance where he seems to have taken xie lians ideals to heart. I wish we had more of that bc that scene was so cool. i wish it hadn’t been revealled so late and there was more than one occasion where he defends others (minus xie lian ofc) without anything for himself to gain that.

To contrast hualian with wangxian, i think wangxian work so well bc at their core, they have the same life goals and same ideas about people and the world. Where in hualian, xie lian has core principles and morals and hua cheng is just like, anything for xie lian. SMH they couldve been great but overall i think hualian falls flat for me because of my own fear of dating someone who doesn’t have a life outside of dating me. Moreso, my parents had this sort of unbalanced relationship towards the end of their marriage and it ended very badly and yea, i just can’t whole heartedly love relationships that in any way resemble this, even if it ends differently. that’s a personal thing tho.

I don’t think Hua Cheng has ANY bad intentions towards Xie Lian or ever will. I don’t think he’s ever manipulated xl or tried to force him to love him. But again, it’s my own personal feelings that makes me feel kinda.. ehh conflicted abt hualian. There was potential but again.. fujoshis ruin everything... smh. Overall i think the way it ended redeemed the issues it had but still there were issues and i really wish xie lian like,, reassured hua cheng about living his life freely at some point but whatever. 

IN CONCLUSION

TGCF had the potential to be better than mdzs, it rlly did but it was bogged down by the authors own toxic mentalities abt love, and mlm relationships, and treating women like ppl and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I enjoyed this book, truly i did (otherwise i wouldn’t have stuck through and read 750k words of it) but there are some flaws that cannot be glossed over. I hope that tgcf when it does get adapted, goes through the same miracle that cql did and makes the characters more like ppl and less like tropes but i doubt it. Also i highly doubt that a live action tgcf is feasible given the supernatural aspects of the series but we shall see. I’m excited for the donghua when it eventual comes out but i will continue to be critical of the novel bc..well.. you see why. idk if i’d reccommend this book tbh bc like yes i would, no i would... well.. </3. yea. overall, it sure was something that i enjoyed in spades. especially the last 5 chapters. I generally liked it but had many issues with it at the same time, but honestly, yea thats the standard fair for a mxtx novel. 

[spnfanficpond]

January 2020 Pond LiveChat Recap - Writing RPF

We had a great time chatting with Taylor,  @impalaimagining​! Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your thoughts and experience!

Our topic this month was Writing RPF, and we talked about the legal, moral, and emotional aspects of writing about real people.  A rundown of the chat, as well as general Pond news, is below the cut!

We started off the chat with the legal side of things, most of which was covered back when we talked about Monetizing Fan Works back in May. Here are the related links that were brought up:

Wikipedia: Legal issues with fan fiction (The section dealing with RPF is near the bottom under Right of Publicity.) Boiled down, RPF has to deal with a celebrity's Right of Publicity. Famous people have the right to control the commercial use of their name, image, and likeness, sometimes even their broader identity or persona. Most states’ laws on this only apply to uses for commercial gain. So, don't try to get paid directly for RPF, and you're safe.

From NPR: We Stan: Real Person Fan Fiction Comes To Life. This is a fascinating discussion about RPF, the legalities, and how it’s been changing in recent years. This argues that basically since “fiction” is right there in the name, RPF is inherently more legal than regular fan fiction based off of characters. No one is trying to say that the real people involved are actually doing these things, it’s just fiction.

Goodreads Genre: Fan Fiction - Real Person Fiction. When I was researching, this link came up, and I clicked it, not knowing what to expect. Finding that Fan fiction, much less RPF is on Goodreads was surprising to me. (I thought Goodreads was only about books that could be purchased and didn’t touch “unpublished” works, but I guess not?) What I found most interesting was exactly how many of the titles listed on that page are J2-related. There are more J2-related titles than all of the others COMBINED. As a fandom, we rock!

The discussion started with most folks saying they hadn’t considered the legalities of fan fiction, or RPF in particular, when they began writing. Their first concern was just getting the story out of their head and onto the paper. Also, since no one was getting paid for it and it’s so popular, no one questioned the legalities. Also, since it’s fiction, there’s no defamation of character.

@mrswhozeewhatsis​ (Michelle): Most people know that I generally don’t read RPF, unless it’s an AU. Way way way back, when I first started reading fan fiction, I used to read the occasional RPF. Honestly, before SPN, I never really liked an actor enough to want to know more about them. (I've been burned by some jerk actors in the past.) One of the first RPFs I ever read was from Jared's POV, and it contained a scene where he was on stage at a con, and detailed his thoughts. I forget what the inciting incident was, but suddenly he was thinking, "Great, now they're all thinking about how big my dick is," and it made him spiral. Something about that stuck with me, to the point that I cringe every time I see Jared on stage and anything remotely sexual comes up. That's pretty much what stopped me from reading RPF. I have no problem thinking about how big Sam's dick is, but I can't ponder too much about Jared's dick, or I can't look him in the eye when I see him at cons!!!

Taylor: I definitely think there is a very fine line to be walked when you write RPF, and I generally don't cross into the area of writing from an actor's POV.

Q: Is that how you keep it separate so you don’t stare into their faces at a con during a photo op and think about the smut you wrote about them?

Taylor: It can be hard to keep it separate sometimes but it's actually very easy in the moment of a split second photo op. They move so quickly, I don't genuinely think I have ever had the time to consider the things I've written about them while I was talking to and hugging them!

Q: Anyone else who doesn’t read/write RPF, do you think that the whole not being able to look them in the eye is an internal thing for anyone in your life, or just celebs? 

@manawhaat​ (Mana): For example, I have A. FUCKING. LOT. of sex dreams. With tons of people, celebs and people I know in my real life... and I don't want to say that it's jaded me as far as thinking sexual thoughts about people, but in a way it kind of has. I don't have that moral dilemma of not being able to look Jared in the eye after thinking about his dick.  Taylor: I completely agree. I think writing it has made me kind of impervious to it bleeding into my daily life. I see Jared and my heart goes ohmygodwelovehim first and in person, then later when he's not around is when the wowowowbutwhatabouthisdick comes in. Michelle: I don’t think I could write about anyone in a smutty way. Just characters.

Q: I wanted to talk about 'characterization' of rpf. Do other rpf writers out there think of the people as characters and treat them that way, or do you humanize them? Idk if that question makes sense but it's along the same lines of keeping them separate. 

@fogsrollingin​ (Alex): I cast them in other stories when it's rpf. I always write rpf AUs with only a couple exceptions. We know their onscreen mannerisms, so making them astronauts terraforming a new planet with evil aliens on it is like "oh easy". Taylor: Characterization is huge for me. If someone writes an actor outside of the way they portray themselves, it's impossible for me to read. While we don't know these people personally, we know how they act outwardly and in the public eye, and that's enough to get a good idea of the kind of person they would be.  Michelle: I have no trouble reading AUs, because it's just another character who happens to look like and have the name of one of my favorite actors. In AUs, they're characters. If they are actors on a show called Supernatural, then it's too humanizing for me. Taylor: See, Michelle, my mind can't separate it to that degree. If I'm reading about someone named Jared who looks like our Jared? It's Jared. AUs give me a lot of trouble, to be honest.  Both writing and reading. Alex: I feel like it's no different than if Jared did a scifi movie during his summer break from spn & it's so low budget they just kept his real name for his character name.

Q: Do you feel differently reading ship RPF than reader insert RPF?

Michelle: Most of the RPF stories I read are ships, but I do read some reader inserts, too. It’s not an intentional choice either way. Alex: I don't feel differently about it, rly. I know I prefer reading ships over reader insert but that's just my personal jam. Mana: I have a hard time reading ship rpf mainly because I like the versions of my ships that I've built in my head, so when someone deviates from that it is a little turn off for me. Like, your version of Cockles is not the same as my version, which is totally fine, you do you, but it isn't gonna tickle me the same way ya know. so when I get into like non-mainstream ships it's extra difficult to find writers who represent them in the 'right' ways. Taylor: I feel that way about pretty much everything I read, and I think that has a lot to do with the whole characterization piece of it. I know that my idea of and the way I portray Jared or Jensen is probably a million times different than the way other people, including my readers, think of them. I try really hard to make sure the way the actors come across is "right". Mana: I think the one big piece of characterization is kind of using the way they have presented themselves as a moral compass. Obviously they don't present their whole selves so there's always wiggle room and areas where you are free to project your ideas of them into the fic, but that's also the trickiest area and where so many people drop the ball.  Taylor: YES. So, so many people take that wiggle room and take it leaps and bounds beyond what is public (fandom) knowledge. 

Q: How do you feel about RPFs that support certain theories about the wives being beards and such?

Mana: I try to not write anything that would feel as if I'm slandering anyone, etc. I wouldn't want to write a Jensen x reader fic where Danneel cheats on him and that's how they get together. If I mention it at all I just say that they've peacefully and amicably parted ways. If I don't mention it then they simply don't exist in the timeline. But never anything negative about anyone, especially the wives.  @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​ (Kaisha): I don't write smut (only read) so I have a very different interpretation on a lot of the things being discussed. I tend to stick with non-AU, sister/daughter!reader insert RPF fics because I don't feel creative enough branch out beyond that. I feel the same as Mana, and I actually won't read fics that are based on the premise that someone cheated for the storyline to work. Alex: I'm okay if ppl deviate far into fantasy realms tho. As long as it's not too support a real life conspiracy theory about the actors, if ppl wanna write it & others like it, all the more power to them. I mean as long as you're like "I killed the wives during the zombie apocalypse in my fic but I love them in real life please don't kill me" I'm like "cool". Taylor: I avoid bashing fics or beard fics. Admittedly I have one where Jensen and Danneel never got married, but they still had a daughter together and Danneel hid the kid from him until her 5th birthday. That doesn't feel like a bash/slander fic to me because I'm not painting anyone as a bad person - things just played out differently. 

Q: The person who suggested this topic mentioned “how to write your first RPF.” Any suggestions?

Michelle: Have Mana finish it for you! (The only one I’ve ever written, she had to finish for me!) Alex: My first rpf was a ballerina!Jared & yogi!Misha romcom. It was so goofy! Taylor: I don't know if I can even answer that question. It literally just poured out of me when I started. I took the tiny little idea I had in my head (my daydream, as it was previously and so aptly named), and put it into words and it ended up being a 10 part series. Mana: How to write your first rpf: READ RPF FROM A LOT OF DIFFERENT WRITERS. find what works for you and for the people you're writing about. do a couple of trial runs with shorter fics. you have room to play, but try not to stray too far from what they've presented themselves as in real life. Kaisha: For me, when I wrote my first RPF (which was also my first fic), I was in a mental place where I was watching a lot of con videos and reading a lot of sister/daughter fics. It was more "I need an outlet for how I am feeling right now and I don't have anyone to talk to"...so I talked to the image of the boys I had made in my head from what I saw of them online.

Q: Does character shipping affect the RPFs you read? Like, if your OTP is Destiel, do you mainly only read Cockles?

Kaisha: I will read almost anything that's related to one of the Js, either RPF or SPN. But I don't have strong ship feels one way or another that changes what I read/write for RPF. Taylor: I don't know if character ships have any kind of effect on RPF ships. Because there are a lot more people involved in cons than we see on the show, and cons are my primary source of RPF inspiration. Like, we see Henry, what, twice in the show? But Gil McKinney is a whole other story. He's all over the convention circuit (or at least he used to be) and also all over fandom twitter. It just feels easier for me to write RPF because I see these actors in my real life, interacting with other real people. I have interacted with them, which makes things feel a lot more real than writing about two hot fictional dudes from my TV screen. Alex: I'm definitely up for Sam/Dean as much as I'm up for J2. Oddly tho it's Mishalecki at real life con panels that's gotten me totally happy to write/read Mishalecki.

Q: (From Taylor) The piece of RPF I struggle with the most is bringing events from the actors' real lives into my stories. Writing about Jensen and the brewery, about their kids and stories they tell about them at cons, that's where my already grey area turns even more grey. 

Kaisha: I am right there with you Taylor! My fic started as mostly the reader and JJ interacting and then I remember the twins existed, too. And with my new fic I am trying to figure out if the San Jac and FBBC will work in or not. Mana: I'm interested in this, because I don't seem to have that issue or gray area. It just doesn't exist for me and I'd like to hear more about it from you guys. Taylor: It's so hard haha. I have something coming up that deals with Jared being arrested and of course I didn't post it before that whole event went down so now it looks like I'm taking that part of his life and twisting it for my personal fiction needs. Which feels kinda (adult word for "not good").  Kaisha: For me the gray area thing is because I want to write a believable story. A believable story has realistic details and if I am ignoring or overlooking things that my audience knows to be true, I feel it takes them out of the story. Mana: So it's a case of omit it entirely or commit to it entirely? I ask in regards to like FBBC and the kids. Do you feel differently about incorporating those aspects into your fics? would you be more comfortable writing about fbbc than you would the kids? Or does that gray area cover the same on both? Kaisha: The same thing goes for when I beta read something. A detail that I don't remember or agree with will take me out of the story and send me on a research rabbit trail to know if the author is correct with what they said. I want to stay in the story as much as possible and I want that for my readers too. That's probably a good way to differentiate it. If I state in the A/N that J1 only has 1 kid, then I don't have to consider what year the story is occurring in. But if I tell you it's non-AU, well then everything that is happening in our universe should be happening in my story (otherwise, it would be AU, even to the slightest degree). The kids vs. FBBC thing I think could be very personal on which someone feels more comfortable with. I say that because I know ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING about alcohol. Kids on the other hand I get. Taylor: For me it's the same. Just, actual concrete aspects of Jensen's life are harder for me to write about. Because then - again, just for me - that feels like writing from their point of view, which is something I try to avoid.

Q: Do any of you read/write RPF outside of SPN?

Taylor: SPN is my only fandom. Michelle: I tried to read fics from other fandoms, and just couldn’t get into it. I might be getting sucked into The Witcher fandom, though. Haven’t found any Geralt fics that really align with my image of him, though. Alex: There are CW network RPF AUs I read. Taylor: I feel like, as SPN fans, we have a wonderful privilege and incredible pool of writers to choose from when we want to read. I don't know, because like I said SPN is my only fandom, if any other fandom has this level of talent or dedication.

Q: Have you ever read an RPF fic that changed the way you viewed an actor? Or given you a sense of gained insight into their lives?

Michelle: That's actually why I don't read “canon-compliant” RPF, actually. Because then I might think that idea is real, and won't see that it's not, even when proven wrong. Like, maybe Jared actually loves it when we think about how big his dick is? But I can't stop thinking that it embarrasses him and makes him uncomfortable because I read it in that one fic. Kaisha: @crashdevlin​  has a Jensen x reader series that also heavily features Tom Hiddleston. My view of Tom has forever been changed because of her story!  Michelle: My brain is very malleable. Sometimes, I'm so open-minded, my brain falls right out. I have to be careful what I let influence me. Kaisha: It wasn't something that I intended to happen. Crash just wrote a very compelling character and I think my opinion would have been altered no matter who it was that she used as the face. Taylor: I've never read anything that has changed the way I view the actors. I've certainly read things that have given me new ideas about the things they enjoy (bitey and/or rough smut), but nothing that's changed the way they appear in my mind. I think the biggest part of all of this is just remembering that all of this is 100% FICTION and should never be taken as reality in any way, shape, or form.

To close out the chat, Mana requested fic recs! Here are the recs that were mentioned:

Michelle: If you're into serial killer AUs, There's a J2 AU in my AO3 bookmarks that's genius. Adoration. The other RPF bookmark I have is called Beholder. Jared runs an animal shelter, and Jensen is a homeless man with a TBI who gets dumped at the shelter one night.

Alex: My favorite rpf fic is Tails by keep_waking_up. Werefox!Jared & kitsune!Jensen law enforcement murder mystery AU.

Taylor: One of my favorites to read is by @thecleverdame​: Modern Technology. (Jared x reader) This is unfinished but it's quickly becoming one of my favorite Jensen-things I've ever written, AND IT'S AN AU!!! Rockabye. Also, there’s You Saved Me (Jared x Reader). And have a J2 x Reader for funsies! Something is Happening

Kaisha: This is my favorite RPF. Underneath verse (series) - J2 -  Jensen is the undercover FBI agent sent to take out Jared, the boss of Chicago. #Self-promo, but I am pretty proud of this one, too: Nanny, Sister, Daughter...Family (Jenneel with sorta daughter!reader)

Mana: Here’s the Cockles x Reader fic that Michelle and I wrote: Rumor Has It And, of course, (Jenneel x Reader) Fools In Love.

Feel free to reblog with your favorite RPF fics!!

Also, the February LiveChat info is still TBD. Feel free to send in your topic ideas and suggest guest speakers!!

General Pond Updates and Reminders

What we’ve got cooking up next: Not much, at the moment, since everyone is busy, so we’re just trying to keep up with the day-to-day at the moment! Our to do list is still long, though, and will not be neglected forever! Next up is organizing the tagging system on the blog to make it easier for readers to find the stories they’re interesting in and for writers to find the help they’re looking for!

Reminders:

Angel Fish Award nominations are accepted all month long! No need to wait to tell us how much you liked a fellow Fish’s work!  IF YOU HAVE SENT IN A NOMINATION, BUT HAVE NOT RECEIVED A PRIVATE MESSAGE CONFIRMING WE RECEIVED IT, WE DIDN’T GET IT. Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

Say hi to December’s New Members and January’s New Members! (If we missed someone, let us know!)

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the Skype chat room/discord general channel and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

We’re getting lots of requests for more Big Fish, lately, but so far, only one applicant! If you know someone you think would be a good Big Fish, tell them to apply!!

[lunasaturnine]

does this track

The planet sews the house, which blossoms in the sign.

For my chart.

Leo/Sun/5th - to create in God’s glorious, conscious image. To dance while doing so. My Leo sign, which rules my 11th house: My 11th house will blossom when my solar needs are fulfilled. My 5th house: Aquarius - the tune I need to be able to dance to, in order to do my solar work. My Libra sun: The dancer, who needs to do the aquarius dance. Dance isn’t all of it. You have to be kind of legislative too. Just. Idk. Maybe that’s more 9th house. Cancer/Moon/4th: You need to take care of yourself. To learn tenderness which means you will be able to do things like gestate, hold a pregnancy, birth a clear idea, be pregnant in vision and let whatever baby you are pregnant with develop.  My Cancer sign, which rules my 10th house: My career etc if I take care of myself. My 4th house ruled by Cap: it’s demanding sober work that needs quiet excellence My moon in Capricorn: A sober, exacting actor. Care-taker. Care-r. Gemini/Mercury/3rd - You must be lively and curious, you must be able to generate two perspectives from one and have freedom of thought. My Gemini sign, which rules my 9th house: my 9th house/coherence, philosophy, worldview, etc. will blossom with the more healthy Gem energy I have. My 3rd house, Sagittarius: How the structures of the world that I am able to grasp mentally seem to be. Like things seem to be on straight lines that connect and point to an obvious conclusion. My Mercury, in Virgo: It is a funny Librarian or weaver or mender who will be doing the curiosity, aka asking the questions. Will make virgo-style observations, with Gemini quickness, that show evidence of Sagittarian truth-style energy. haha it’s the grand trifecta of clever/annoying :) Libra/Venus/7th: You must be gentle and understanding so as to negate tension, so that growth can be possible. You must speak to people from the other side of the mirror. My Libra sign, which rules my 1st house: My general self-presentation, how I strike people, etc, will be enhanced the more healthily I work with this energy. My Venus, the one who will be negotiating relational energy, in Virgo: Silence and observation is a major strategy; to be reserved and find the subtle, healthy smallroots of love. haha My 7th house: Aries. What a shitshow. Ok Aries 7th house that’s what the Other looks like to me, that’s the opposite-mirror energy that I need to learn to inhabit in order to unlock true sympathy/compassion and leap forward in growth. Developing the energy of my Aries 7th house will lmao that’s so rough Ok do I finish? I am get kind of bored. We’ll do Mars. Aries/Mars/1st: You must use might for right, little baby, and you must be the noblest of knights and not just a bad baby or a brutish warrior. You can be a tender baby and a strong warrior, tho. Just not bad or brutish My Aries sign, which rules my 7th house: My relationships. They etc will blossom if I work well with this energy. My Mars, who will be doing the work: Gemini, little sir Gemini, my trusty horse is a Gemini. Mars is your horse you ride into battle. Um just to say that I think your sword or your whatever your offensive weapon represents your sun, because it is the actual enactor of your will. But idk all metaphors are kaleidescopic and it just depends how you look at it. Anyway he’s a little Gemini so the battlefield is often being a troll and learning how to have aggressive conversations in a playful yet nice way. My 1st house, ruled by Libra: So that’s the battlefield, ya? And the basic ecological quality of the battlefield is Libra: the rules are fairness, justice, gentleness. So I need to use my snippy Gemini Mars to enact the goals of peaceful Libra. Yeah! This is rly good. And that’s all the personals except Chiron and Ceres. I’LL DO THOSE TOO GOOD LORD Chiron/Virgo/6th: Surrender, do what needs to be done tho it is unpleasant, learn how to be open to things you wouldn’t choose to do My Virgo sign, which rules my 12th house: My whole cosmic everything/spiritual life will blossom when I get this good. My eternal sunrise. My Chiron, who is the guardian/janitor/maid/mender/etc whatever: He is in Cancer in the 10th house wow ok. Cancer... So Chiron is the dude who... god it’s still elusive. A sign interpretation of Chiron. He is the person who bears my wounds. He is Cancer...the wounds are cancer. And the superpower to be a healer of this energy - that energy is cancer energy. The wounded, and the healer. 6th house, which is Pisces: ugh this is hard and I’m bored, what the fuck is psices ruling the 6th hosue in this context. house is a LANDSCAPE? What is a HEALING LANDSCAPE? Is it that my...ughhhh....the things I have to do but can’t seem oceanic? And I need to learn to SAIL to master them? I like that heh heh heh. Ceres/Taurus/2nd: Agriculture, resonance, satiation. My Taurus energy, ruling my 8th house: My 8th house is where crops will grow if I tend them. Uh? What does that mean? My SEX LIFE? THAT WOULD BE COOL! My Ceres, the farmer, in Virgo: Picky and... I like her a lot she has cool aspects. But Virgo is so passive and picky, and it’s felt like cultivation needs a lot of energy and doing. I prefer wu-wei farming... My 2nd house, in Scorpio: It seems like I have to cultivate very shifty things. I have to manifest the transformativity. I haha I love this this is so apparent with th work I’m doing with my yard. I’m making a mushroom paradise at the top of the hill. My backyard is a shady hill with wooded qualities, and I’m trying to make it a generator of soil so that it will flow awesome soil into the front yard. So my Ceres DOES the tilling of this soil. She’s the FARMER

This is really good. I could really work with this, I like it so much. It’s my favorite astrology form, because it’s a way you can sorta dissect the organ systems of a chart. Then you can see how they all work together. Exciting!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

it’s 7am and for no especial reason im gonna throw out “bat boy” numbers that really go off which is, really all of them, but still, might as well share my wisdom

a) COMFORT AND JOY: obviously!!!!! THE song. it is seriously like, wow. the drama. and its Such a jam. what haven’t i already said to endorse it? cuz i’ll say some more.

b) SHOW YOU A THING OR TWO: automatically gets second spot b/c its second most likely to be in my head. it’s all “i’ll show you a thing or two, second verse with these-two-notes [two-notes]” and i do a little dance for those two-notes. and the lyrics “you’ll soon complete it—but, wait! ((??)) don’t eat it ((oh))” will loop thru my brain like fifteen times. lot of Musical Style variation in this whole show and this ones got like, a highstepping chorus line theme & thats a delight. and lots of incredible lyrics too, like this song’s “but now say howdy to a summa cum laude.” oh wait and i suppose its self explanatory but meredith The Mom and shelley The Daughter are teaching edgar The Bat Boy like, all of general knowledge in a matter of weeks / maybe several months. dr parker The Husband / Vet is tangentially helpful but not really because he sucks. meredith’s patience is v nice. you really have to root for them, except dr parker, because he sucks.

C) CHILDREN, CHILDREN: any ranking order beyond this is basically just me throwing darts w my eyes closed but this is a good third cuz its again that musical variety......this ones like, this 90s-ish movie credits remix echoey chimy synthy thing going on?? but its really a jam too. when the company joins in with the “oooo~shalala” i go BERSERK.....and there’s this suddenly punk rockish break in the middle of it. pretty great. what’s going on is that, as edgar and shelley are fleeing from Society into nature / the woods to reinvent their notions of humanity, the god of that sort of stuff Pan has shown up with an eden-esque panoply of animals to sing this song to set the mood. obviously.

D) WHATCHA WANNA DO: speaking of punk rockish...this is that? it’s a bit head-tiltingly jarring as its just this number in which one of the local teens who found edgar in the cave shows up to the parkers’ house where he’s currently caged and reacts to him in a Thematic Microcosm of what will be others’ reactions, aka to reflect a like, lack of inhibition re sex and mostly violence back at his feral nature and perceived inhumanity. one of the stranger numbers in a weird musical, but still a jam, see: punk rockish

E) A JOYFUL NOISE (REPRISE): end the musical here and everythings fine! just a real short one but a lot of fun because of what i just said. edgar goes to the local revival to beg the townspeople’s and preacher’s acceptance, and they give it to him. yet more musical style variety and a shoutout to this exchange

F) THREE BEDROOM HOUSE: send the musical in a different direction in the middle of this and everything could still be fine. this is a fun boppish number kinda reflecting elements of “show you a thing or two” musically, which i suppose is since its again mostly about meredith having decided that they can make this mess of a situation work. that mess being that, edgar Was accepted by the town but actually her husband killed a local teen and then showed up and blamed it on edgar & implied the mysterious plague upon their cows was edgar’s fault too and edgar’s run off into the woods. then this one is followed by children, children. i could go in order but its chaos rules only!!! the amount of fun energy in this song is frankly great and its like hell yeah meredith!!!!! hell yeah hock this stupid ring!!! kill your husband!! or whatever. js

G) CHRISTIAN CHARITY: god this one is fun idk......also self explanatory imo. local teens have found a cave cryptid, now the sheriff has him, he’s dragged him into the house where the local vet lives and is just p much casually dumping said cryptid on them, which is funny. there’s Musical Themes here repeated w some of the townspeople’s numbers & set up for comfort and joy....what really gets me is the sheriff’s part that starts abt a minute into the number where it’s like, this really neat almost-lilting musical phrase in the key of i don’t know, but its cool. i like it

H) INSIDE YOUR HEART: man, this one’s got this like, p simple musical Theme in there that’s just like, that’s all you need really. sort of like, the classic ballad duet type of song now. but also sort of cutting its own drama, b/c the musicals like, tragicomic and all. like edgar has this whole swelling “oh god this curséd existence you have to leave me” declaration and then immediately you get shelley’s matter of fact “...no.” even tho its a bit Meta Humorous like that, frankly its still a pretty great straightforward and sweet number which im sure a lot of musicàl love songs Wish they could be, which is just made more Smh by the fact that a) it’s about shelley trying to convince edgar its okay to drink her blood and b) because right after it ends meredith shows up to belatedly inform them that they’re half siblings. shits a wild ride.

I) A HOME FOR YOU: careening back to the beginning....this one is also less like, oh shit im gonna dance along, more of a subdued and quiet number, but its a nice solo of meredith’s and p sweet but not in a way like Inside Your Heart where its gonna get immediately wrecked. instead its one of the more grounded songs where she’s just telling the feral bat teen now in her house that maybe he can like, belong somewhere. it also has the Additional Depth not yet revealed in the plot that meredith is aware that edgar is her own child whom she had previously presumed dead. and this song is also Significant in that it’s Reprised when edgar realizes he might actually be fully human (he’s not) and is eager to go to the town’s upcoming revival and win their acceptance; and its Musical Theme is briefly reprised in “apology to a cow” when edgar is at the total opposite end of things, having been turned on by the town thx to the betrayal of his evil stepdad, and then having his and shelley’s attempt to forsake the need for social acceptance in the first place Also Wrecked by their mom telling them she’s their mom, so then he’s just mad at everything and murders a cow b/c he feels the only thing left is to embrace their idea of him as a killer monster, and he Reprises the a home for you theme as he swears to kill both meredith and dr parker, which he doesn’t, although they do Die around him. whoops. wanna @ will roland and be like “hey can you sing this one single line from Apology For A Cow?? cuz its rly cool and honestly a lot of these songs make me sure that wroland’s version of this material what with his voice and acting and how dramatically that production seemed to treat the outlandishness in general all means i’d fucking go ballistic and i wanna hear ‘this face will be the last thing that you ever see’ cuz that key change and that like, rise and fall at the end,,,,OOF,,,”

J) I IMAGINE YOU’RE UPSET: just round it off by slapping this climactic song right down. it’s a lot. dramatic again but also kinda fun...ish......i mean its the “everythings gone to shit and lets bring everyone together for peak disaster” so how much fun can be had? yet the quick exchange of “i smell [...] her sweat” “oh my god” whole town: “JESUS!!” and the sheriff singing “im sorry your life’s a sham” like hfvlmao thanks dude. but there’s all the clashes of characters’ built-up emotions and edgar is over here covered in blood and demanding to be killed while the town is like YEAH but all meredith’s lines are especially bittersweet and honestly like its a weird absurd story obviously and we’re all here to be ourselves and have fun but the story does make me bummed cuz of thinking about it all as “okay, yeah, but if you treat it earnestly,,,,Sad” like man you hearken back to three bedroom house and how meredith is determined to see it all be okay and really like just wants to live with her kids somewhere safe and NOT with her crap husband who’s been ruining everything the whole time for once. and then she’s here caught between the final confrontation of the Dramatic Foils that are edgar and dr parker and in general everything is a bit too late. ugh. lot of Dramatic Exchanges here and musical theme reprises!! that’s the good shit. and then the song ends on dr parker’s sort of ominous yet resigned-ish “are you hungry edgar” (shoutout to comfort and joy!!) after which he cuts his own throat, and, just like in comfort and joy, (and sort of like just prior to comfort and joy, when edgar reflexively defended meredith from dr parkers Violent Behavior) when he presents edgar w the fresh blood edgar automatically Attacks, wherein dr parker takes the chance to stab him, and inadvertently stabs meredith when she tries to shield edgar, and they all three die w edgar bleeding-outly refuting his humanity to shelley, and then there’s the final number where everyone’s like wow that was some shit. but ACTUALLY there is also this one specific detail i’d be desperate to see from the nyu steinhardt version, which is that after they all die and there’s that Breathless Moment, the Man From The Institute who the sheriff had called earlier to deal with edgar Rushes In and sort of beholds the whole town gathered staring at these three bodies and maybe a cow’s head off to the side, and one of the townspeople just goes “...you’re late.” and i am so certain that this line is HghhfGH-wheeze-laugh worthy; but the performance i saw they did NOT do the timing right!!! they said it like right off whereas what you need to do is hold the pause at least three full seconds!! and then go: You’re Late. i’m adamant about this. so much of Landing The Delivery is timing!! anyways. god. press f. anyways. it’s now 9 am. thanks and good morning. basically saying that the whole soundtrack is basically pretty great and really will roland has doomed me to actually be invested in this weird story, b/c its the ol magical realism comedic-framed wild obviously-that-would-never-happen plot, but, still, you’ve got this teen trying his best and it COULD all be fine actually but it all goes to shit b/c nobody killed dr parker in time really. well i’d just like to conclude by saying it’s raining and that’s great b/c i love when it’s raining

[staykids9]

85 Questions

I was tagged by @najaemiq thank youuuu!

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

last

1. drink - water

2. phone call - my dad

3. text message - my friend @vxvxznnz

4. song you listened to - Lucky One by EXO

5. time you cried - yesterday because Jae was graduating ASC and Kevin sent that video message

ever

6. dated someone twice? - no

7. kissed someone and regretted it - nope

8. been cheated on - no

9. lost someone special - yes

10. been depressed - yep all the time

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - nope but almost

fave colors

12. BLACK

13. uuh...turquois

14. ehmmm white?

in the last year have you...

15. made new friends - yep

16. fallen out of love - not really

17. laughed until you cried - yes all the time

18. found out someone talking about you - yes

19. met someone who changed you - yes

20. found out who your friends are - YES

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - I think everyone idk I wasn’t on facebook for quite a long time

23. do you have any pets - yES, 4 dogs

24. do you want to change your name - idk...this may seem funny but I can’t really say my name I have difficulties pronouncing it XD so maybe just because of that...?

25. what did you do for your last birthday - I HAD A SWEET 16 PARTY!!! Okay this may seem weird for Americans but in Europe we don’t really have sweet 16 parties (well I just can talk about where I live so let’s say for my friends and family) so it was something special for me because a) I was in the US and b) I turned 16 :3

26. what time did you wake up today  - 11 am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - I looked at tumblr posts about the 3 new SMRookies

28. what is something you can’t wait for - all the comebacks there are now sdiuhsusdvisu I will die and maybe going on a Stray Kids (or any other Kpop group I stan) fansign or concert

29. there was no number 29

30. what are you listening to right now - Holup by Bobby

31. have you ever talked to a person named Tom - hmmm don’t think so?

32. something that gets on your nerves - uuGH so much. But mostly people that are disgusting like poke their nose in public and then eat it eW or people that won’t shut tf up even if you tell them to shut up ugh omg I could continue this forever

33. most visited website - probably tumblr and youtube at the moment

34. hair color - brunette but depends in summertime i’m more blonde and in winter I’m more brown-ish

35. long or short hair - I have now short hair like Felix but idk if I want it to be longer..XD

36. do you have a crush on someone - yes and no not just famous people/Kpop idols uuugh Klara has a crush this is something very new to all of you but no I won’t talk about my crush don’t ask me questions

37. what do you like about yourself - I like my eyes and sometimes even my hair when it does what I say and doesn’t look like a bird’s nest

38. want any piercings - yES i want a helix and also 2 upper lopes on one side and 1 upper lope on the other...but I would love to have an industrial, an orbital and a tragus ok Klara stop your poor ears

39. blood type - I have no idea...but I think A why does everybody know their blood type

40. nicknames - Froschki (I explained that in another post I think but basically my dad calls me like this because when I was a baby I looked like a frog while I was sleeping), Duša (by my grandma and it means soul...it’s weird in English but it makes sense in Croatian)...I have some more but I can’t remember any more XD

41. relationship status -  single too busy with Kpop for a relationship 

42. zodiac - pisces

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv show - TOO MUCH but I like:

Supernatural

Teen Wolf

Sherlock

American Horror Story

Attack on Titan

Shadowhunters (but I like the books more)

and some Korean TV Shows and Kdramas

45. tattoos - I don’t have any but I rly want some

46. right or left handed - right handed but I used to be left handed but the dumb teacher forced me to write with my right hand and now I can write only with my right hand

47. ever had surgery - nope

48. piercings - I have standard lobes on both sides

49. sport - I did zumba and dancing for a year, horse riding for 2 years and kickboxing for 3 years and now I dance but more at home and not professionally

50. vacation - I was in Germany (well it wasn’t rly vacation but then again it was), Czech Republic (the same as Germany), Slovakia (same as the two before), Austria, Slovenia, Italy, Croatia (almost every year), Bosnia (every year I basically spend the whole summer there every year) and America (the same as Germany etc. I was there with school but it was kinda a vacation for me) I was in England but just for like 5h I didn’t leave the airport so I didn’t list it here XD

I want to go to Korea, Japan, Australia, Thailand and some cities in the US

51. trainers - I think I have 3 pairs...but not sure

more general

52. eating - I LOVE CHICKEN especially fried chicken or smth like KFC but I also like pizza and seafood

53. drinking - I like ice tea (the one in America is sweeter btw I don’t like those) and normal tea but also water OH and coffee

54. I’m about to watch - nothing ig

55. waiting for - the night when no one is awake except me and it’s quiet 

56. want - to meet my friends again and spend some time with them because I miss them .-.

57. get married - well it would be nice but I don’t really have to

58. career - I want to do something with music so musician/singer something like that or anything related to languages/English (maybe teacher or something like that)

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - well for boyfriend taller (that’s not that hard because I’m short) and for friends/girlfriend else shorter

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - hmm probably stomach but arms isn’t bad either

64. hookup or relationship - relationship

65. troublemaer or hesitant - troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - nope

67. drank hard liquor - yep

68. lost glasses - no

69. turned someone down - yeah

70. sex on first date - nope

71. broken someone’s heart - yeah and I’m so sry

72. had your heart broken - idk not rly

73. been arrested - haha no

74. cried when someone died - yes

75. fallen for a friend - yup

do you believe in

76. yourself - pffft nope

77. miracles - not really

78. love at first sight - not rly

79. santa claus - nope

80. kiss on a first date - idk but yeah why not depends on the person

81. angels - hmm yeah kinda

other

82. best friend’s name - Vici (hi @vxctxriauniverse) and also Vivi (hi @vxvxznnz)

83. eye color - blue and a little bit of green

84. fave movie - too much but those I would think of rn are Finding Nemo, the Lion King, Infinity War if we leave out the end, Forrest Gump, Black Panther and Spider Man Homecoming

85. fave actor - Park Seojoon, Gong Yoo, Park Hyungsik, Lee Dongwook, Dylan O’Brien, Tyler Posey, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Lilly Collins, Matthew Daddario, Harry Shum Jr., Tom Holland, Benedict Cumerbatch, Daniel Sherman, Tyler Hoechlin, Ian Nelson, Evan Peters ok I’ll stop now

I’ll tag @clearlyaemae @felixthekoala @seungmin-jpeg @vxvxznnz @vxctxriauniverse @salty-hun @dibidibiday6 @the-official-pentacorn @swoontaekwoon @jeongshine @uwulix @lovholland @wowed-by-ace @spearbin @jeongin @gem360 @straymemes @strgaykids @jaeminizer and @prince-hyunjin you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to!

[whiskered]

⭐️ 85 Questions ⭐️

thank you for the tag ginger @dantique <3

— what was your last…

1. drink: water 2. phone call: it was with my mom on friday and idr why 3. text message: an hour ago to my cousin and i said “i send her too many messages tbh i’m probably annoying” was talking about my crush l o l  4. song you listened to: lovers on the sun by beth god this cover makes me so :( 5. time you cried: yesterday in my car bc i thought about my cousin calling dnp homophobic slurs lol

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: i don’t remember it but according to my friends i did “date” my one and only “boyfriend” (from 7th grade) twice. why don’t i remember it tho 7. kissed someone and regretted it: can’t regret a kiss that never happened! 8. been cheated on: previously mentioned “boyfriend” had crushes on other girls while we were together and i remember being rly upset about it but lol no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: i don’t honestly know 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

— fave colours

12. aquamarine blue  13. pastel pink  14. periwinkle

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes i think 18. found out someone was talking about you: no 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: eh not rly 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: nope

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: tbh idek bc i rarely go on facebook and i can’t remember how i decided to add ppl 23. do you have any pets: yes!! 2 fishies 24. do you want to change your name: i use my middle name online..but i still rly like my first name. so no 25. what did you do for your last birthday: the day of i went out to eat with my family. and then last week my parents through me a surprise party with my extended family and family friends :) 26. what time did you wake up today: 6:30 AM like every weekday bc i have to drive to campus lol 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping! 28. what is something you can’t wait for: i have nothing that is close to look forward to. hm. i guess interactive introverts though that’s still 3 months away 30. what are you listening to right now: i started listening to lovers on the sun again 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no!

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: my own inability to get my school work done

33. most visited website: tumblr  34. hair colour: rn black with brownish/orangeish/reddish/pinkish/blondish ends bc the magenta has faded  35. long or short hair: looong

36. do you have a crush on someone: sighs forever. yes. tho someone help me get over her bc she’s unattainable 

37. what do you like about yourself: i think i’m nice. i’m pretty funny. idk what else 38. want any piercings: no i’m good with my one in each ear 39. blood type: no idea 40. nicknames: i have some with my first name but i don’t share my first name online :0 41. relationship status: single, terrified to mingle 42. sign: aries 43. pronouns: she/her 44. fave tv show: ooh i’d say rn brooklyn nine-nine what a good one. but like of all time probably full house bc i used to watch it every single day growing up 45. tattoos: i don’t have any but i want to get “girl almighty” on me somewhere. so so bad. and also a tiny heart. 46. right or left handed: right 47: ever had surgery: no 48. piercings: just the one in each ear 49. sport: no 50. vacation: when i went to ocean city for a weekend with my best friends <3, ah our first time traveling together with no supervision i felt so cool 51. trainers: i wear skechers is that what this is asking me

— more general

52. eating: grapes and strawberries 53. drinking: nothing 54. i’m about to watch: a 1980 soviet film called Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears for my russian history class 55. waiting for: my motivation to return from war 56. want: to drop out of university. and also a girlfriend 57. get married: only if it is to a woman i love and not whatever man my parents inevitably set me up with 58. career: pediatrician but i will cry for a living. someone pls pay me for crying. i’m so good at it

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: i don’t do physical affection so i rly don’t have attachment to either 60. lips or eyes: eyes 61. shorter or taller: taller 62. older or younger: older or my age  63. nice arms or stomach: i don’t rly pay attention to those 64. hookup or relationships: relationship 65. troublemaker or hesitant: i wanna say hesitant but i’m hesitant so would i want a troublemaker but then what if they cause too much trouble

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: no  67. drank hard liquor: no 68. turned someone down: yes 69. sex on first date: no 70: broken someone’s heart: i think i have yikes 71. had your heart broken: yeah 72. been arrested: no 73. cried when someone died: yes 74. fallen for a friend: ugh

— do you believe in

75. yourself: depends. believe in my ability to cry? yes. anything else? no 76. miracles: i don’t know tbh 77. love at first sight: does it make me naive to say yes 78. santa claus: yes but he owes me 21 years worth of gifts 79. angels: yes

— misc

80. eye colour: brown 81. best friend’s name: marissa 82. favourite movie: i have so many tbh but one of them is The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement 83. favourite actor: lol Chris Pine and can u believe i just named a movie with him in it too. listen. idk. he’s so talented???? and pretty whatever don’t @ me. have y’all seen wonder woman bc i always knew he was an amazing actor but GOD he did SO good in that movie

84. favourite cartoon: avatar the last airbender and phineas and ferb 85. favourite teacher’s name: my first grade teacher mrs. castro :( she was the sweetest teacher i love her and miss her

tagging: @moonchair @amazingphiw @dxntasies @domesticbanting no pressure to do this!

[actiasteeth]

angsty relationship asks: david/ryan

do they have a lot of arguments? if so, over what? so so so many. typically ghosting / lack of communication and “”needing space”””””. later: “pls stop trying to fucking kill me.””

who apologizes first? in what way? is it hard for either of them to apologize? seeing as ryan’s generally the one in the wrong,,,,,, he’s the one who Should be apologizing first. a lot of the time tho, he leaves it up to david or he apologizes w/o Explicitly apologizing b/c he has trouble owning up to being a shithead. ryan just gets softer and more affectionate w him, tries to do sth to make it up to him. a lot of “pls i didn’t mean it”” / “”forget abt it”” / “i love u”””.

which one has more insecurities? over what? david. probably abt whether or not he’s actually done sth wrong to warrant being treated poorly.

who gets more riled up? do they show their anger? nnnnn. it would depend on the context?? both of them are capable of showing their anger, lmao.

how do they hide their pain when they’re upset? do they try to hide their pain? on the rare occasion that ryan is not the one in the wrong he’s verbally v quiet abt being upset. he p much goes silent and gets v tense and untouchy. it takes a while for him to rly find the right words to be like “hey this upset me”” b/c on some lvl he’s always gonna feel like he deserves it.

who tries to make up first? does it work? ryan. he can go from 100 to 0 in the blink of an eye if he’s over it. will try to act like nothing fucking happened. it’s,,,,,,, iffy at best.

would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? if they had a falling out? eeeeeh. theoretically ryan could be into this but in practice he closes off when he’s angry so probably not. they’re all abt that make up sex game tho.

do they hold grudges? is it hard for them to let go/forgive each other? david does more so than ryan. once ryan is over sth, once he’s had the time to process it, he’s over it and doesn’t care to revisit it.

is there something big that could potentially tear them apart if it was revealed? no?? i mean there’s a lack of communication sure but they don’t rly keep things from each other??

if something already happened to tear them apart, what would make them come back together? is it even possible? main verse, i think they’re p much doomed. breakup au?? there would need to be a solid exhibition of Growth mostly on ryan’s end—in his stability, in the way he handles situations, in reeling in his vices. david would have to trust him to be better.

what’s their favorite pass time when they’re upset? leaving mean drunk comments abt himself on david’s videos.

who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other)? ryan always goes to his sister loren if he goes to anyone at all. 70% of the time he’s gonna keep that shit to himself tho.

is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other? if so, is there any way that can be resolved, even in the slightest? david is more open than ryan is when it comes to Real Shit. whenever ryan is gearing up to vent abt things he just ends up sitting there saying nothing. ryan needs a couple drinks in him before he starts talking tbh.

who grieves more when the other is away? david.

who misses the other more, or really thinks about them more? also david. it’s not that ryan doesn’t think abt him or miss him, he’s just less inclined to let it bother him.

do either of them have a special item (an article of clothing, a necklace, a book) that they use when they miss the other? if so, what is it? what do they do with it (read, wear, look at, smell)? ryan’s absconded w enough of david’s clothes,,,,,, he wears them around the house p much 100% of the time tbh, even when he’s not Highkey missing him.

who cries more? who gets more emotional in general? is this evn up for debate?? david. it’s david.

do either of them have the other’s stuff lying around their house? feel like david would be more inclined to leave shit lying around ryan’s.

how about teasing? do they tease each other while in a fight (whether it be with themselves or just general teasing)? unlikely. they generally take their fights p srsly?? unless it’s like clearly a fake argument then 5000% yes to both.

do either of them have any vices? ryan drinks too much and gets progressively worse as their relationship deteriorates.

what’s the thing they miss most about each other? ryan doesn’t usually miss one thing abt david in particular??? if he’s missing him, he’s missing him as a whole. if anything got to him in time tho, it would probably be the lack of physical touch. as shallow as that sounds, lmao.

what’s their go-to breakup/angst song? for ryan, trouble by cat stevens.

who’s more jealous? neither of them rly. like, sure, they’re falling apart but it’s not like there’s any legitimate fear of unfaithfulness or anything of that sort.

who is the first to forgive? again,,,,,,, not that david is the one who needs forgiveness, lmao. but ryan will convince himself that things are david’s fault evn when he Knows they aren’t; will then proceed to drop it and be all “””i just want us to be ok,, dw abt it”” ?????????? whom’st’ve’d.

what’s the one deal breaker for either of them (lack of communication, fear of commitment, etc)? lack of communication, def. and being “””needy””””””””.

who would take longer to let go? do they ever really “let go”? both of them get an F in letting go (see: the breakup au). never in the 4yrs that they were apart did ryan even Try to move on or let go. like did he date?? sure. but he never went into it w the mindset that it would last and the Smallest things fucked him up on how Wrong everything felt and how Not David everything was and he just,,,,,,,,,, No. also main verse????? david won’t go into the fuckign light and insists on terrorizing ryan instead???? double F in letting go.

which is more afraid of confrontation? neither of them are a fan.

who’s the first to distance themselves (if either)? u kidding?? ryan.

who’s more patient? is it hard to break that patience? david. he put up w so much, pls. that said, ryan likes to think he’s p patient w ghost!david but That is too little too late.

who’s the first to blame themselves? david. ryan will shift blame off himself evry chance he gets even when he Knows damn well he’s in the wrong.

who’s more likely to do something out of spite? both.

who would be the first to say they hate the other? would they mean it? ryan. not to his face but he def told his sister that he hated him not long before david died. he didn’t mean it for a single second. even when he starts being a shitty demon abt things ryan still doesn’t hate him. he clings so hard to this ideal version of david that,,,,,, idk if there will ever come a time where there isn’t this part of him that’s so incredibly deep in love w that version of him.

who worries more? in the grand scheme of things, probably david. but i don’t see either of them as particularly big worriers.

what scent reminds them of the other? firewood. warm sugar syrup. asphalt.

do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)? ryan regrets taking david for granted. he regrets not actively trying to better himself regardless of always arguing that he was “”Trying””””. he regrets that he couldn’t commit himself to having a proper Talk abt how they could begin to fix things. not spending more time w him. not giving him the love he deserved.

who’s quicker to walk away if a situation gets heated? ryan generally backs off if david starts crying??? but if they’re just having a yelling match and no one is crying,, it just goes down until it doesn’t.

who is more prone to anger? ryan. he’s more irritable at least, so small things can set him off.

who cries more in an argument? do either of them cry? david obvs. ryan cries After the fact when he’s alone but p much nevr in front of david. he Will cry in front of ghost!david tho b/c it’s not like he’s got a choice.

does it take a lot for it to get to the point of yelling? no,,..,,..,….,,,,,

who sleeps on the couch? can either of them sleep without the other? ryan sleeps on the couch but not rly b/c they’ve been fighting. he’s just restless and gets frustrated if he’s lying there for too long trying in vain to sleep. that said they can sleep w/o each other (ryan isn’t exactly the biggest fan of cuddling anyway) but they Do appreciate the idea of waking up together so,, while it’s nice when it happens, it isn’t Necessary.

who’s more likely to protect the other? ryan??? in that if someone is talkin shit or sth he will Pounce both verbally and physically if he’s gotta.

if one of them gets injured, who worries more? i mean ryan’s out here encouraging david to do risky shit, Sure, but he’s like,, halfway joking and if david gets so much as a Scratch u bet ur ass ryan is tending 2 that shit. whenever they’re play fighting or w/e ryan is also rly conscious of letting up if david shows any sign of discomfort. i think ryan is?? generally???? less inclined??? to get injured????? but he will straight up Fight ppl if they push him so idk,, david might have reason to fuss over him but it’s Rare. he was probably a whole five and a half messes after asking david to teach him how to skate tho.

who would be more afraid of the other’s death/harm? LOL. i feel like this wasn’t rly a thing they worried abt Legitimately?? then it Happened and,, rip.

who ends up yelling first? are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all? 50/50 depending on what the argument is abt.

who would be more likely to save who? i wld think both of them wld make efforts to keep each other safe?? can’t speak for ghost!david’s problematic ass.

who stays up at night brooding? ryan’s insomniac ass.

who has more dreams/nightmares about the other? ryan has a lot of both after david dies. if u thought he wasn’t sleeping well Before,, that shit got 100% worse. he hates both but the good dreams especially always choke him tf up.

who comforts who after a bad dream/event? ryan before. now, no one.

do they think about each other a lot? does it affect their performance/schoolwork? in the earlier days of their relationship ryan was so bad at work, especially if they had plans for after he was off. he was constantly checking his phone and sending not-so-sneaky texts. catch him zoning out thinking abt him too. if david ever surprised him at work he always came back late from his break, lmao. he was bad in other ways when shit started going downhill in that he was absent and cold and quick to snap at anyone who breathed in his direction.

if one of them were to come back after a long time, who would come to who? would it go well? would the other person take them back? don’t think either of them would actively seek the other out?? i.e their reconnection would have to come as a coincidence. this goes abt as well as u would expect. both of them are some part willing to take each other back but,,,,, there’s def some hesitation there. ryan doesn’t trust himself to not fuck up all over again and sometimes it’s like he’s watching himself frm the outside. he keeps slipping up and making moves and trying to get david into bed but he always ditches before they have a chance to get Too Deep into feelings. eventually he ends up spilling his guts ofc (“””i’m still so fuckign in love w u u have no fucking idea”””) and they eventually bite the bullet and decide to try again. how well That goes is up for debate.