#idk does this count as ship art? sure why not

[radiowarp]

happy dyngus day! :)

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[wheeboo]

tell me that you love me | joshua hong {part two}

SYNOPSIS. in which you and joshua are simply different in more ways than one, yet only seem to find a common ground in struggling to chase your dreams. so why does life keep throwing you two at each other, despite your different worlds, and why does it feel so terrifyingly right? PAIRING. musician!joshua hong x deaf-artist!reader (ft. cafe owner!jeonghan, musician!seokmin, best friend!seungkwan, best friend!wheein, producer!jihoon) GENRE. fluff, slice of life, kdrama romance-esque, mild angst, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn WARNINGS/TAGS. cursing, shua and reader has some self-doubt issues :(, someone makes insensitive comments about reader, mention of alcohol (beer), mention of cigarettes, everyone ships them, kissing, terms of endearment, Softie Domestic Joshua™, it conveniently rains when they're together, this is 85% fluff and 15% plot and the brainrot was giving me an existential crisis, honestly there's not much warnings it's just a love story <3 WORD COUNT (FOR PART TWO). 17k WORD COUNT (FOR FULL FIC). 37k

notes: for some reason even tho this whole part is almost as long as the first part it still feels rushed asf lmao. there are a bit of time skips between most sections, and prob a noticeable decline in quality the more u read HAHA. idk what else to say other than i hope you all enjoy and thank you for joining me on this journey <3 your feedback and reblogs mean the world to me !!

part one | part two

The taste of the salty breeze is sharp on your tongue. Sand raids onto your sandals and crawls playfully up to your ankles as you step foot on the expansive beach. 

“Ahh, it’s been a long time since we’ve gone to the beach!” Wheein exclaims proudly while running up to you and locking arms with yours, her hair tied back in two french braids, the carefree grin to her face infectious as ever. “No sad thoughts today. We’re here to have fun, ‘kay?”

She grabs you by the shoulders and eagerly shakes your body before you have the chance to respond. Wheein is right𑁋no sad thoughts today, it is. Seungkwan dashes up from behind as well, carrying with him two plastic bags full of drinks and snacks when the three of you stopped by the convenience store earlier. You carry a large blanket in your grasp as you all make your way to a spot a good distance away from the water. Ah, and you’ve brought your camera along too. 

It turns out that Wheein and Seungkwan had planned a surprise trip to the beach solely to celebrate your art being selected for the museum. But even though that didn���t happen, they still wanted to cheer you up and lift your spirits (meaning, they stood by your front door for nearly half an hour and constantly shone their phone flashlights to get your attention inside, practically dragging you out of bed. You still love them either way). 

The beach isn’t that busy at this time in the late afternoon during a weekday, so finding a quiet spot is easy. You lay out the blanket on a patch of smooth sand, making sure it's free of any debris. Seungkwan sets down the bags of snacks and drinks, and Wheein helps arrange everything neatly.

The water laps calmly up the coast, stretching for miles under the soft glow of the sun. As you settle yourself on the blanket, you catch sight of a trio of seagulls flying peacefully overhead while feeling the warmth of the sand below you and the cool breeze hitting your skin. 

It’s hard not to look at the picturesque scene right before your eyes. A sun, sunrise, or sunset on the beach is something you’ve painted many times before, but you probably wouldn’t tire of it. There’s a variety of colours that the sky contains𑁋from fiery oranges and bright blues to soft pinks and purples𑁋and many people would say it’s the easiest background to capture on a canvas. But you know better. 

Taking a hold of the camera around your neck, you adjust the lens and frame the seemingly endless skies right within the small viewfinder. The shutter clicks a few times as you capture the vibrant hues of the sunset slowly but surely beginning to take its course, freezing a moment of beauty in time. 

After taking a moment to review the photos, you bring the camera back up to your eye again and whip your head around with the intent of taking some candid shots. However, you certainly don’t expect to capture the face of Joshua mid-laugh. He's not looking at you, or the camera, but at Wheein and Seungkwan who seemed to have quickly dropped their belongings in order to greet him. There’s two other boys behind him too𑁋Jeonghan was one of them, the other one you weren’t able to put a name on, but the wide grin on his face was enough to tell you all that you needed to know. All of them are too far for you to be able to read what they’re talking about.

Happiness looks good on them, You think. 

Zooming out just slightly, a singular click is all you need to capture. It’s like everything that you need in a small, rectangular frame𑁋an encapsulation of pure joy. You lower the camera and take a few seconds to admire the candid show, the way the sun casts a golden glow on their faces, and the unguarded expressions of happiness that make the photo more than just perfect. 

Bringing your camera back around your neck, you stand up from the blanket and slowly approach the group. Joshua is the first to notice you come up, as he always is, and his face doesn’t shy away from seemingly brightening up. He’s wearing a plaid button down shirt with a few of its buttons undone, a seashell necklace around his neck, and a pair of black shorts. You also notice his guitar case slinging on his shoulder. 

You muster up a surprised look towards Wheein and Seungkwan about the guests you weren’t aware that were invited𑁋not that you’re complaining at all. 

Wheein waves a hand in front of your face, directing your attention towards her. 

“They’re here to sing!” she tells you, signing animatedly to you.

You lift a brow, letting your hands move in the air as if you’re conducting. “Sing?”

“I thought it would be a fun touch!” Wheein exclaims, then she steps closely right in front of you, seemingly lowering her voice and signing briskly so the others wouldn’t see, “I’m doing you a favour here.” 

“Y/N! This is Seokmin,” Seungkwan gestures to the boy who finally has a name standing right next to Joshua, spelling out the letters of Seokmin’s name with his hands.

Immediately, Seokmin switches whatever he was holding in his right hand𑁋a microphone stand?𑁋to his other hand before extending it out to you for a handshake in perhaps the most humourously, gentlemanly way possible. The goofy grin on his face is enough to make you giggle as you shake his hand firmly. 

“Nice to meet you,” You sign to him, and Seokmin’s eyes light up in awe at the way your hands move. He turns towards the others with a questionable look, and when they tell him what you signed, his grin widens even more. 

“It’s nice to meet you too!” Seokmin exclaims, the enthusiasm bouncing off him. Then he briefly glances between you and Joshua, wiggling his brows and adding, “I’ve been told a lot about you.” 

Glancing over at Joshua, you notice the way he brings his head down to his feet for a moment, but then he lifts himself back up and meets your gaze with a fond smile.

“Okay, you guys can go set your things up. Seungkwan and I will set up the snacks and drinks,” Wheein says. “I say we go in the water after the performance. Who’s in?” 

Right away, the remaining five of you come to a simultaneous agreement. Jeonghan, Seokmin, and Joshua begin to move towards a spot a little further down the beach where they can set up their equipment. Wheein and Seungkwan grab the bags with the food and drinks to set them up near the blanket, leaving you behind to soak in the sight of the beach once more. 

“Right here is good.” Joshua motions to a spot on the ground where Jeonghan sets up the speaker for the microphone. “Did you bring the extension cord?”

Jeonghan pleasantly rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he whips out the extension cord and connects it to the speaker with ease. “You really don’t believe in me, don’t you?” Then he glances past Joshua’s shoulders, smirking faintly to himself. “Target incoming. Six o'clock.”

Joshua turns his body around, wiping away the sand from his hands, and his eyes land straight on you approaching up to him. The corners of his mouth turn upward at the sight of you, dazed eyes lingering on the way you carry yourself quietly toward him. The sunlight catches in your hair, and the backdrop of the ocean makes you appear like a painting that had come to life. He quickly clears his throat.

When you come up to him, you hold out your phone towards him.

Didn’t expect to see you here today

Joshua stifles a half-hearted laugh, plucking the phone from your grasp to type right below your line. 

Is that a bad thing? 

As you read the message, you could only scowl playfully, before taking your phone back.

How did you even know about this anyway?

After scanning your message, Joshua glances around before pointing at something behind you𑁋to Wheein and Seungkwan, who were both dashing away from a wave that was washing onto the shore. 

“Your friends are really adamant about cheering you up,” he remarks teasingly. “I couldn’t just say no.” 

You could visibly see the utter panic in Wheein’s face from afar when Seungkwan nearly stumbles into the wet sand, her hands coming to grab the younger boy’s arm to pull him up. Then their faces shift into a fit of laughter. You really don’t know what you would do without them, honestly. 

“Thank you,” You sign to Joshua when you turn back to him. 

Joshua’s eyes roam over your face with a soft, contemplative expression. Then he motions down to your phone that was in your grasp, and you hand it to him, your fingers briefly brushing against each other.

A thoughtful look spreads across his features, before he types a response on your phone, fingers moving swiftly over the screen, and you read his message:

You look beautiful today.

The words on the screen seem to glow brighter than usual, and you feel a rush of affection flood into you like the waves at high tide. Your hand nearly goes limp, almost dropping your phone into the sands below, your heart stuttering in your chest as you regain your composure. For once, even communicating with your hands feels clumsy, inadequate. 

But before you can say anything, a damp hand lands at your shoulder, and you whip your head around to see Wheein standing there, hair dripping wet and chest heaving with exhaustion. 

“If we don’t start, I’m going to kill Seungkwan,” Wheein says while exaggeratedly signing, face scrunched up in annoyance. 

You scratch the back of your neck bashfully before turning off your phone and averting your eyes away from Joshua. You drag Wheein away to help her dry off while the others set up the rest of the equipment. 

By the time everything is set up, there’s a small gathering of curious beachgoers nearby who seem to be drawn by the preparation going on. Some were sitting on blankets spread out on the sand, while others stood in small groups at a respectful distance. 

You find yourself sitting on a blanket with Wheein and Seungkwan right next to you. The two of them were conversing with each other, and all you could do was watch Joshua. He takes out his guitar from the case before sitting on a folded up plastic chair. He runs a hand through his hair and seems to strum a few notes, probably checking the sound levels𑁋Jeonghan sends him a thumbs-up from the side. Seokmin also sits down in a chair right next to him, adjusting the microphone to his mouth and tapping a few times on its head. 

“Hello, everyone!” Joshua announces into the microphone. He’s too far away for you to read his lips properly, but he’s still signing for you, for you to understand even when you’re not directly in front of him. Did he practice all of this beforehand? “Thank you all for stopping by to listen.” 

It’s hard to fully catch what he signs next. He might be nervous, you think, but that’s still endearing in itself. The sun hangs low in the sky, casting a warm, golden hue over the beach, as Joshua begins to strum his guitar. Seokmin fixes himself up to the microphone, fingers tapping beats against his thigh. His face shifts into focus, eyes closing to the music taking over that you can feel reverberate through the fresh air. 

Joshua's fingers dance across the strings, then Seokmin's voice joins in. You watch their performance unfold, catching glimpses of their expressions𑁋Joshua's focused yet occasionally glancing your way with a reassuring smile, Seokmin's eyes closed in immersion with the music.

At the corner of your eye, you see Wheein and Seungkwan swaying to the music. When Wheein turns towards you, she reaches down to grab your hand into hers and lifts it up into the air with a grin, swaying your hands together from left to right. She also does the same with Seungkwan, and it’s just the three of you moving your bodies enthusiastically to the music as it swarms throughout the lively atmosphere of the beach. The small gathered audience around seem caught in the moment too. 

When the first song ends, you clap along with the others, feeling the exhilaration of the performance blossom within your chest. Joshua lets his eyes roam around, briefly settling in your gaze for a moment, and the sight of your genuine joy only encourages him even more. He nods to Seokmin, who flashes him a thumbs-up, and then they dive into the next song.

It’s an emotional one this time. You could tell from the pensive looks on everyone's faces𑁋Seungkwan seems like he’s even about to cry𑁋and it only makes you think what they’re singing about. But you don’t let it bother you; instead, you still slowly sway your body, closing your eyes and letting yourself immerse in the moment. 

Grains of sand slip through the cracks of your fingers. The sun has almost fully set at this point, merely just a golden half-circle sinking into the horizon. Water drips down your hair and skin onto the towel below you, goosebumps crawling its way up your arms from the night breeze that was beginning to settle in. You have no idea what time it is right now𑁋the beach is probably going to close soon, you think. 

The others are still wading in the water, except for Jeonghan who might be passed out on another blanket not that far away from you. The events from the past few hours have started to rain down on you, a small yawn leaving you as you use the towel below to dab at your legs. 

However, you feel something encase around you suddenly, and you perk up to the warm feeling of a towel being draped over your shoulders. Looking up, you see Joshua standing right above you, a towel of his own in his hands. He places himself down right next to you as if it was the most natural thing to do, and you let him. You like… being close with him like this. 

Joshua dries off his hair with the towel, and you have to take your gaze away from the fact that his arms are exposed because of the sleeveless black top he was wearing. His hair comes out in a loose mess, wet strands sticking to his forehead. He glances over at you for a second, sending you a brief smile, and again, you avert your eyes away, moving your neck around to ignore the heat creeping up your body. 

You don’t suppress the smile passing over your own face, though.

A light nudge at your side blinks you back to reality, making you turn to see an illuminated phone screen right in front of you.

Tired? 

That was all to make another yawn leave you once again. Joshua just chuckles at the way you angle your face away from the phone screen, trying to hide your weariness. He brings the phone back to type something else before showing it to you. 

Feeling happy though? 

You almost want to scoff at that, but you don’t. It’s hard to not notice the way you feel happy right now. Maybe you’re glowing or something, maybe the pain that you feel in your cheeks is from all the smiles that was plastered on your face throughout the day. Whatever it is, you can’t deny it𑁋yes, you feel happy. 

Joshua sees it too. There was probably no use in asking. The answer blooms on your features, perhaps brighter than the first stars beginning to twinkle above. 

And so, you simply nod. 

When Joshua retrieves his phone back, there’s a subtle shift in his face that was noticeable in the light. His fingers start typing across the screen, but then it stops, starts again, and stops. 

He turns to you, expression turning serious. “Is it okay if I ask you something? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.” 

You huddle more into the towel and meet his gaze with a curious tilt of your head. His eyes flicker between you and his phone. After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, he hesitantly shows you the screen.

Have you ever wished that you could hear again?

For some reason, Joshua expects for you to be taken aback by the question, maybe even awkward or offended. But, instead, a relaxed look graces your features, a subtle curve at your lips, and you shake your head. Then you take the phone, typing out: 

Not really. When I lost my hearing at 7, I used to cry to sleep knowing I won’t be able to hear my parent’s voices again. But over time, I didn’t let it bother me. It’s a part of who I am. It doesn’t make me any less than anyone else. It doesn’t make the world any less beautiful than it is now. There will always be challenges, like missing out on a joke or an important announcement. But I’ve learned to find beauty in the little things. Like feeling music through vibrations, or how sunlight hits my skin and tells me that the day is beautiful. I could read people’s faces and feel their excitement or their sadness. These are sounds in their own ways. So no, I don’t really wish I could hear again. I’ve found my own way to listen and be heard. 

You even feel out of breath after typing all that out, but you feel lighter. Your heart feels completely vulnerable right now, all the thoughts swirling around you seem easy to catch in another’s hands. But Joshua is gentle with those thoughts, as if he’s placing them back down on the ground for you to navigate them together. You notice a flicker of something akin to awe wash over his features as he quietly reads your words to himself, a thoughtful crease forming between his brows. Then, he starts to type. 

For me, I’ve been surrounded by sound all my life. Voices, instruments, the noise of the city. It’s kind of hard to imagine going through life without it. I’ve learned to grow up analyzing tones, pitches, chords, and notes. And because of that I get afraid of being the one off-key. But I like being quiet with you. And I like talking to you. And I like getting to know you. There’s a part of me that thinks I wouldn’t get tired of looking at you. I don’t know if it’s the silence that helps me focus, but I just know it helps me focus on you. 

You swear you don’t even blink when you read over his words, once, twice, five times over. There’s a tugging at the strings of your heart, a sweet ache spreading through your chest, a sensation much to the pull of the ocean’s tide. When you draw your eyes away from the phone and to Joshua, his gaze meets yours in the middle, a hesitant question lingering painted over his features. 

He brings his hands once more. He points to himself first, then faces his hand towards his chest, putting his thumb and index finger close to his chest with the other fingers extended out. Next, he slowly moves his hand forward, bringing his thumb and index finger closer together. And finally, he points to you, like you’re the last piece of the puzzle.

“I like you.” 

A lump forms in your throat, and that familiar flutter of butterflies takes flight in your stomach, but it’s demanding this time and impossible to ignore. Letting your eyes drift over his face𑁋from his somewhat damp, tousled hair and down to the curve of his lips𑁋you know exactly how you feel.

Without hesitation; without doubt, you kiss him the next moment. It’s a tentative touch at first, making Joshua’s eyes widen in surprise and you pull away with uncertainty. For a second, he could only gaze at you, but then an adoring smile blooms across his face, an admiring sparkle in his pupils. Then he tilts his head just slightly, almost in a teasing manner, and leans back in to capture your lips against his once more. 

Even when your eyes flutter to a close, you still feel his smile against your skin, matching the warmth that spreads through you like strokes of paint on a canvas, like music that fills a silent space. Something comes to cover over your hand on the towel𑁋Joshua’s hand rest over yours, warm and securely, thumb coming to reassuringly rub over the skin there. 

When you pull away, you have the urge to bury yourself in the towel wrapped around you or run away in a fit of panic. You end up doing the former, burying your face further in the soft cotton. But Joshua doesn’t let you completely disappear, a shy chuckle of his own leaving his lips as he reaches out to gingerly tug the towel down just enough to reveal your eyes.

“Hi there,” he says softly, before some worry stretches across his face. “Are you okay?” 

You loosely release yourself a bit more from the towel’s grasp around you and meet his eyes with a small, reassuring smile. 

“I meant what I said,” Joshua continues. His hand still rests on yours while he lifts the other one to sign again, “I like you. I really do.” 

Glancing down at your laced hands, you absentmindedly brush away a few grains of sand that stuck to his knuckles. His skin is warm to the touch, and the intimate gesture makes you take a shallow breath. You lift your gaze back to this, and he follows the way you bring your hand up. 

You stick out your pinky finger, almost like a promise, and extend out your thumb as well, before moving your hand back and forth to sign,

“Me too.” You continue to run the tips of your fingers over his hand. I like you too.

“Did Seokmin tell you about Jihoon?”

Joshua sprays a bottle of disinfectant on a table before grabbing the rag that was hanging loosely on his shoulder. “Who?”

“The producer guy.”

The smell of the chemicals sends an unpleasant crinkle to Joshua’s nose. He pauses his cleaning for a moment. “Haven’t heard of him.”

“Well, he’s a producer apparently. A fairly new one. I think Seokmin mentioned that he went to high school and university with him𑁋wasn’t entirely close to him, though. Just a name that was sort of tossed around.” Jeonghan stops to take a loud bite out of a bag of chips. “But I’ve heard he’s got a studio opened now somewhere. So maybe…”

Joshua lightly chuckles. “You know I’ve gotten scammed from this type of stuff, right?”

“I’ve done my research.” Jeonghan promptly sits up in the chair (yes, he’s not helping with cleaning at all). “No heinous crimes have been committed. If anything, the only thing I could find on him is𑁋”

“Yo, Jeonghan! Where do you want this box of shit?” 

Jeonghan turns somewhat annoyedly towards the source of the voice: this guy named Wonsik that he had hired recently since having Joshua as the only other worker around was proving to be insufficient. Joshua can’t say he’s exactly a fan of him though. His attitude is a bit… brash, to say the least. 

“Just leave it in the storage room,” Jeonghan says, pointing in the direction with a chip in his hand. 

After wiping off the final corner of the table, Joshua feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket. As he takes it out and catches a glimpse of the notification, he can’t help but smile to himself.

Joshua takes off the apron he’s been wearing, neatly hanging it up on a hook by the door that was designated for staff.

Jeonghan catches him mid-chew. “Curfew time?” 

“Yep.”

“Gross,” Jeonghan mumbles sarcastically while crumpling up his bag of chips. “You know, just because you’re in a relationship now doesn’t mean you get to slack off on closing duties.”

Joshua rolls his eyes playfully. “Whatever, I’ll make it up tomorrow.”

Wonsik emerges from the storage room, catching Joshua’s attention with his loud, assertive footsteps and nearly running into him, the scent of cigarette smoke trailing behind him. He mumbles something about finally finishing taking in all the boxes, carrying the last one labeled with supplies, his expression a mix of boredom and disdain as he spots Joshua preparing to leave.

“Finally taking off, huh?" Wonsik sneers, eyeing Joshua up and down. “Off to be the hero for your little deaf partner?”

Whatever politeness Joshua had to his features had faded away in an instant, his jaw clenching tightly to the words. He adjusts the strap of his guitar case on his shoulder and meets Wonsik's arrogant gaze evenly.

“Watch your mouth,” Joshua says sharply, a warning edge to his voice that cuts through the room like a knife. 

“What? I’m just saying it must be hard to deal with them, that’s all. Like how do you even communicate? Doing your little hand stuff? Must be an ass to handle all that shit.” 

Joshua's nostrils flare at that, sensing his patience wearing thin at Wonsik's blatant insensitivity. His fists clench at his side momentarily, but he keeps in his anger, knowing that losing his cool most definitely won't help the situation at all. Taking a deep breath, he meets Wonsik's eyes with a steely glare.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Joshua replies firmly. “Don’t you have some human decency and respect in you?” 

Wonsik just scoffs haughtily. That dumb, conceited smirk on his face widens even more as he leans casually against the counter, folding his arms across his chest. "Hey, I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking. It's not like I'm wrong, right? You could do so much better, man. You’re just pitying them because you feel bad.”

Just at that, his words strike a nerve in Joshua. “Y/N is more than capable of handling themself. They don’t need anyone else’s pity, least of all mine. So why don’t you mind your own business? Learn some respect while you’re at it, asshole.”

Wonsik shoots Joshua a final contemptuous glance before turning on his heel, shoving past Joshua, and disappearing back into the storage room, muttering something under his breath that Joshua isn’t bothered to decipher. 

Heading back into the main area of the café, Joshua stops right before the door to turn towards Jeonghan. “Do me a favour and𑁋”

“Don’t worry,” Jeonghan interjects, waving him off dismissively. “He won’t come back tomorrow.”

Joshua’s shoulders visibly relax at that. “Thanks,” And when his hand lands on the door handle, he stops again. “I’ll do that thing, by the way.”

“That thing?”

“Mhm.” Joshua just nods. “I’ll ask Seokmin about Jihoon.”

Joshua hums quietly after every pluck of his guitar string, twisting the tuning pegs at the head of the guitar with every note deemed off-key. The sounds leaving his guitar bounce off the walls of your apartment and blend with the smell of leftover ramen that lingers in the room. 

You sit across from him with two steaming cups of tea in your hand, carefully placing them on the coffee table in front of him. He glances up from tuning his guitar, eyes softening as they meet yours. Resting the guitar against the arm of the couch, he gratefully takes the mug that was waiting for him on the table, taking a quick sip of the jasmine tea you had prepared.

You peer at him worriedly, forming a claw shape with your hand and moving it downward to sign, “Hot?”

Joshua shakes his head, sipping once more and setting it back on the table. 

“It’s perfect,” he tells you reassuringly. 

Placing the guitar back on his lap, he positions his arms comfortably over it as if preparing to play something. Yet he catches the way your eyes watch his fingers glide over the strings. Joshua fixes his posture and presses his back against the couch behind. 

“Do you want to try?” he asks. His fingers rest lightly on the strings, demonstrating a chord before letting them hover, waiting for your response.

The hesitation within you is shunned aside from the subtle hope of his invitation. Warily, you shift closer to him, settling between his legs as he positions the guitar in your grasp. His hands cover over yours, guiding your fingers over the frets and showing you how to press down on the strings. The wood of the guitar is smooth under your touch, vibrating weakly as you pluck the strings a few times tentatively.

His breath fans over your skin as he leans closer to help adjust your grip on the guitar neck. You have to turn your head in order to see if he’s saying anything to you. His face is so close to yours now that you can see the fine details in his expression. There’s a slight tiredness in there too, but you don’t comment about it. 

Joshua's fingers move dexterously as he shows you another chord. This time, you press down with more confidence, and the sound resonates more clearly. He watches your face light up, and you can feel the vibrations of the strings through your fingertips. It’s a bit ticklish and you can’t help but giggle softly at the sensation. His hands still hover over yours for a few moments, but then he pulls back to give you a bit more space.

The chords you're playing aren't perfect𑁋they come out off-pitch and you aren’t able to tell, or the strumming patterns are a bit uneven𑁋but Joshua doesn’t mind. He doesn’t seem to notice or care about the mistakes. 

After some time, you cautiously set the guitar on the floor, letting it lean back against the couch. By the time you finish taking another sip of your tea, Joshua is already holding out his phone to you.

If I wanted to get your attention without accidentally scaring you, how could I do that?

A feeling of déjà vu slithers down your body at the question, and you could tell Joshua feels it too. Briefly, you think about the first time the two of you met. It’s quite surreal how far you’ve come already. 

You grab his phone to type:

I wouldn’t worry about scaring me like before, since I know that it’s you. I’m familiar with you. A small tap on the shoulder is okay, or you can flash your phone light. Wheein and Seungkwan do that to get my attention if they’re outside the door

Joshua reads your response, then shoots an understanding look, a thoughtful curve to his lips. The next thing that you catch is a yawn leaving him, which he tries to cover up with a sheepish smile.

“Tired?” You sign to him. 

“A little bit,” he replies meekly. “Just some things on my mind.” 

You tilt your head slightly, curiosity piqued at that. 

Joshua practically melts into the couch, the exhaustion in his posture evident as he stretches out his legs and lets out a soft sigh. 

“Work has been picking up a bit, people are ridiculous sometimes,” he starts, a twinge of frustration to his features. “I haven’t been able to go busking recently either, but… I think an opportunity came up. For music.”

Your eyes widen with interest, and you lean forward slightly, encouraging him to continue.

But he only hesitates. “I just don’t know if it’s worth pursuing. There are so many people out there who make big promises, but not all of them deliver. I don’t want to get involved in something that could turn out to be another dead end.”

A frown crosses its way across your lips. You can sense his apprehension and understand the reason behind it, but you also recognise the glimmer of hope in his eyes. Slipping out your own phone, you type:

You should go with what your heart is telling you to do. I’ll be there to support you either way :)

Your words drip of care and affection, feeling the uncertainty in his heart soften when he pinpoints the sincerity in your eyes. For a brief second, his gaze flickers down to your mouth before returning back up to your gaze. Without another word, he leans in, letting his lips brush against yours in a fleeting kiss. 

Even in the few weeks the two of you have been together, moments like these will take some time to get used to. It’s both intimidating and exhilarating, comforting and thrilling all in one. But it’s undeniable that it feels… right, natural. 

As cheesy as it sounds, that is what his heart told him to do at that moment𑁋to kiss you as a way to say thank you. A shy, boyish grin tugs at the corners of Joshua’s mouth when he pulls away. He takes a visible deep breath, as if drawing strength from your closeness, attentive eyes roaming over your face for any discomfort, but he finds none. The tips of your ears feel like they’re on fire, if anything. 

“Cute.” He lightly taps the bud of your nose, causing you to scrunch up your face in response. “Thank you. I mean it.” 

You only smile and nod under his gaze, signing with a simple, “I know.”

You lose track of time in front of the canvas when a yawn of your own leaves your mouth. Admittedly, it’s been hard motivating yourself to paint lately ever since your rejection at the exhibition, but somehow this time around, the colours on the canvas look more… livelier. 

You glance between the unfinished canvas and to the candid picture that you took that day at the beach of your friends’ smiling faces. If this is how you’re going to encourage yourself to get back into painting, then so be it: painting a moment that you could simply define as happiness. 

When another yawn leaves you, you swirl your paintbrush in a murky cup of water to clean it off before setting it aside. You stand from the chair and stretch, feeling the stiffness in your muscles from sitting in one position for too long. When you shift your gaze behind you, the sight that appears before you sends a leap of surprise through you.

Your eyes land on a sleeping Joshua, whose head rests against the arm of the couch, relaxed body slumped against the cushions, and one of his arms dangling off the edge. Tiptoeing over to him, you grab a blanket that Wheein had crocheted for your birthday from a nearby armchair and drape it over him. He shifts slightly at the movement but doesn’t wake, instead settling more deeply into the couch with a soft, contented sigh. 

You don’t have it in to wake him up, because this feels right𑁋him at your place, falling asleep, and a sense of peace floating through the air. 

If Seokmin didn’t come along, Joshua would probably have turned around on his heels by now and declined the offer. 

Apparently Jihoon’s studio was located in a somewhat sketchy part of the city, and it took only one tumultuous month later to finally set a date to meet up. Joshua glances around the area, taking in a few worn-down buildings and graffiti-covered walls, wondering if this is really the right place.

“This place better not be a dump,” Seokmin mutters under his breath, scanning around nervously. “I swear, Jihoon has always been a bit of a mystery, but he’s got talent for sure. He was practically the maestro of the entire music program back then.”

“And you reunited with him… how?”

“At the gym,” Seokmin answers, but it’s more under his breath as if he was a bit embarrassed by it. The sly laugh that leaves Joshua makes him jut out his bottom lip. “I wanted to know his workout routine! I didn’t even recognise him after all these years.”

Joshua just rolls his eyes, the lighthearted banter lessening some of his nerves. 

It would be his first time to walk into an actual studio. Somehow, Jihoon’s place was a good size to accommodate a variety of sound equipment and a living space at the same time. Compared to the gritty exterior, the inside certainly had more of a calming ambience. Neon lighting illuminated the room, casting a warm glow over the sleek equipment and musical instruments. Records lined the shelves and posters of artists decorated the walls, all bringing more character to the place. 

Jihoon himself was the epitome of calm and collected, bringing an aura of meticulous confidence that caressed every inch of the studio. He’s been working independently this entire time, and according to Seokmin, he's been steadily putting a name for himself in the underground music scene right after graduating from university. 

“So,” Jihoon starts, spinning around in the chair he was sitting on. Even when he was wearing a simple pair of sweatpants and a black tee, he still appeared effortlessly cool. “you’re a singer?” 

Joshua looks down at himself for a moment as if questioning his own presence here, fingertips gliding steadily over the strings of his guitar. “Yeah. Been busking for the past year or so. Played guitar for my entire life. I’ve written some of my own songs, too.”

Surprisingly, this is enough to convince Jihoon. “Alright, then. Show me what you got.” 

In its entirety, it was a surreal experience, and there’s just this inkling, this pinch of hope in the space between the tips of Joshua’s fingers whispering to him that he’s finally on the path to accomplishing his dreams. He’s never heard the sound of his voice so clearly before. Unlike the studio, there are no walls surrounding him when he busks𑁋only the open air, the street sounds blending with his music. But in the studio, the environment is different. 

It’s as if his music is finally being given the space it deserves to breathe and thrive, just like he had always wanted for it to do. 

The excitement is even evident in the way he’s gripping your hand as the two of you are walking back to your place together later that same night. Walking together has always been routine between the two of you, yet now there’s a certain lightness in the air knowing you both share the same love for these moments together. 

Joshua feels the way you squeeze his hand, and when he looks at you, you’re holding out your phone for him to read.

So are you planning on seeing him again next week?

A contemplative look crosses his face, but it doesn’t take long for the corners of his lips to curve up. 

“I think so,” he answers, eyes lighting up with optimism. “I think I might be getting to where I want to be, you know?” 

The excitement that trickles down his body flows through your interlaced hands, and you find yourself smiling alongside him. You love knowing you get to be a witness of this pivotal moment for him. You love seeing him happy just as much as you love being happy around him. 

When you reach the entrance of your apartment building, your hand still hasn’t left his. Joshua gazes past your shoulder towards the door, and then back to you.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” he asks, a teasing tilt to his head. “Even for just an hour?” 

You wiggle your eyebrows at him, only giving him a simple shake of your head. 

“Hm, am I that much of a distraction?” he muses, stepping just a tad bit more closer to you, and you know you’re digging yourself more into the ground at this point. “I love watching you paint though.” 

You attempt to power through the way his words send a jolt through you, stubbornly standing your ground with the most serious expression you could muster. It’s not that you don’t want him to stay with you a little longer𑁋because you might quite possibly set everything aside for him without a doubt𑁋but you’ve made it a goal to get back into painting on your own terms and slowly but surely regain your confidence. 

After putting on a small pout, Joshua’s gaze just softens. “Promise me you won’t stay up late?” 

You nod, feeling the warmth of his concern and signing, “Promise.”

He still doesn’t let go of your hand, his thumb coming to caress tenderly over your knuckles. Joshua’s eyes flicker to your lips, and he leans in slowly, giving you plenty of time to pull away if you wanted to. But you don’t. Then he leans in and pauses once more, nose briefly brushing against yours, before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. 

“Goodnight,” he signs when he pulls away, running a hand down your arm before reluctantly stepping back.

You could never get over the satisfying wave of relief that hits you whenever you complete a painting. 

The first time you finished a painting was when you were eight years old. It was a simple watercolour painting of your family house, distinctively placed on a large hill instead of being surrounded by your neighbouring homes. Your mother had stuck it on the refrigerator for as long as you could remember alongside other family photos until it got too worn out from being taken down and put back up so many times, even being forgotten at some points when other mementos covered it. The fridge seemed so empty without it.

Seeing that painting every day reminded you of the joy of creating something with your own hands𑁋filling a space with something beautiful and meaningful, just like you had envisioned it in your mind. It’s not just about copying the photograph you used as reference; it’s about translating those fleeting, joyful moments into something real. You want people to look at your painting and feel the same happiness, the same warmth that you felt in that moment. It’s about capturing a moment in time and making it last forever. This is what art means to you. 

“This is stunning, Y/N!” Wheein exclaims when you stand right next to her. “You made the sand look so real! And you used such a gorgeous gradient for the sky. You gotta give me some tips later! Have you thought about showing this to your teacher?”

You frown a little at that. You haven’t exactly been putting in the effort to show up at all. The sting of that rejection at the exhibition still lingers, making you hesitate to put yourself out there again. You’d rather put on a show for yourself before determining whether or not it’s worth sharing with others. 

“I don’t know,” You answer.

“That’s okay!” Wheein says brightly. “But whenever you’re ready, let me know. We can make a killer portfolio together.”

You let out a laugh at that, mentally taking note of her offer for the future. Wheein just nudges you lightly on the hip with her own.

“You seem so much happier lately,” she acknowledges teasingly, a sly smirk crossing her face. “probably because of a certain someone…”

You feel a light flush creeping up your cheeks, and you glance away with a smile that you can’t quite hide. It hasn’t even been that long since you and Joshua have been together. Yet even though you can call him your boyfriend, he still gives you the space to grow, to dream, and to be yourself, just as you do with him. And in those times you two are together, reveling in the quiet language of your hands, letting your guard down has never felt this easy. You could share a simple smile with each other and the world seems a little brighter, a little more colourful, and a little more hopeful and meaningful. 

“Oh my gosh, you’re smitten!” Wheein exclaims amusedly. “If that’s not love in your eyes, I don’t know what is.” 

Love. What a silly, little word𑁋so small, yet carries so much in between its letters. 

You just chuckle to yourself, savouring the way the word swirls around you.

[07:15 PM | y/n] are you nearing the place? I’m waiting by the front 

You turn your phone off and bring it down, searching around for any sight of Joshua. Passerbys fill up your field of vision, all of them rushing past or casually walking by with their own different lives, but you don’t see him among the crowd. You check the time again, noting that he’s already fifteen minutes late, but you remind yourself that he’s been at Jihoon’s studio for the majority of the day and has probably been busy. 

As you continue waiting, the slight chill of the evening air runs through your bones. It’s getting noticeably colder outside as winter is approaching closer and closer. You glance at your phone again, but the screen remains dark. Another ten minutes pass, and you could feel the worry creeping up your spine. It’s not like him to be this late without a reason.

The vibrant evening around you slowly begins to lose its charm, the excitement within you boiling down into a pit of disappointment, and the thought of standing alone any longer becomes unbearable. So, with a heavy sigh, you decide to walk away, pushing away the disappointment with every step that you take.

[07:28 PM | y/n] I’ll be heading home. let me know when you’re finished at jihoon’s 

You slip your phone into your pocket, feeling a twinge of sadness as you start walking towards the nearest crosswalk. Above you, the streetlights cast long shadows on the pavement below and swallow the lively colours of the evening. 

Approaching the crosswalk, the signal light shines a deep red, instructing you to stop and wait. A crowd of people all stop behind you as you wait for the light to change, and you become acutely aware of their presence surrounding you. 

Your eyes wander across the street, where the traffic light turns red, and cars begin to slow down. Anticipating for the light to signal for you to cross, a sudden flash catches your attention from across the street. It looks like a flashlight, and it was flickering in a deliberate pattern.

The moment the signal light turns green, the flashing stops, unraveling Joshua standing on the other side. People brush past you in order to cross the street, yet you can only find yourself frozen. There’s a flash of urgency you catch to Joshua’s features, and your focus narrows on him as he dashes across the street toward you. 

He’s breathless the second he reaches you, and his face is flushed with relief and desperation. 

“I’m so sorry,” he apologises, signing frantically to you. “I lost track of time. I tried getting on the bus to get here faster but the traffic was bad. I…” His shoulders sink in dismay. “I’m sorry.”

You just shake your head dismissively, but it’s not hard to miss the subtle hurt in your face and the way you sign back to him. “It’s okay. I know your music is important to you.”

“You’re my top priority,” Joshua says quickly, eyes intense with sincerity. “Let me make it up to you, okay?” 

His words send a flutter that makes your heart ache in your chest. Joshua reaches down and takes ahold of your hand in his, squeezing reassuringly. You feel a warmth spread through you as he intertwines your fingers.

“Would you like to have dinner back at my place?” Joshua offers, his lips curling up in a hopeful smile. “Jeonghan is staying at a friend’s place tonight, so it’ll just be us.” 

You look up at Joshua, your heart racing at the thought of spending the evening with him. 

“Okay,” You sign to him. 

It’s been years since the last time you saw a record player. Your parents used to have one in the corner of the living room. It was a vintage piece, and you remember how your father used to meticulously handle the vinyl records, placing them carefully on the turntable before lowering the needle. You didn’t hear the music that came from it𑁋the music that they played before you lost your hearing was vague to memory𑁋but you loved watching the way the needle danced across the grooves of the records.

Joshua has an entire vinyl collection, and you look through each one curiously. You see names like Amy Winehouse, Radiohead, Pink Floyd, Elton John, Frank Sinatra, Nirvana, The Beatles, and even some contemporary artists like Billie Eilish, Boys Like Girls, and Lana Del Rey. The covers of each one are like pieces of art themselves, with their vintage charm and intricate designs. 

When Joshua turns away from the stove, he looks at you, where you’re already peering at him.

“Do you want to play something?” You sign to him, thinking that he might want to listen to something while you’re here together. 

Joshua’s eyes only soften as he takes in your question. “You don’t have to play anything.”

You smile bashfully. “I want to.” 

He feels a tug at his heart at the pleading expression to your face. He briefly checks the food cooking on the stove before walking to where you’re sitting on the floor, his vinyls scattered in front of you. 

“Okay,” he tells you. “Pick whichever one you want.” 

Joshua watches as you carefully pick a vinyl𑁋you end up picking The Beatles, a classic𑁋and with practiced hands, he helps you place the record on the turntable and lowers the needle. You watch as the record starts to spin and the needle settles within the grooves.

You turn toward Joshua, signing, “Is it playing?” 

The sound that comes off the record player is a bit distorted at first, but after some time, it manages to smooth out. Joshua just nods, his face lighting up with a smile at the way you appear so engrossed by the spinning record. 

Dinner comes by in a jiffy. The singular kitchen light hangs above the small table that you both are sitting at, the aroma of Joshua’s cooking wafting through the air. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but the simplicity of the meal𑁋steamed vegetables, grilled chicken, and fluffy rice𑁋makes it all the more comforting. You definitely would have preferred this over restaurant food. 

You eat slowly, savouring the flavours of each bite. You can feel Joshua's eyes on you, and you can't help but smile.

“Good?” he asks. 

You give a few enthusiastic nods, and the sight lights up Joshua’s face even further. 

The record player was still faintly playing music in the background, yet the quietness that he gets to share with you is what he cherishes the most. It’s not awkward or forced; it’s a comfortable silence that pleasantly wraps around you both. The occasional pop or crackle from the record player blends in with the sounds of your contented chewing and the soft clinking of utensils.

Afterwards, you find yourself settling on the couch in Joshua’s living room as you wait for him to come back to the bathroom, and you take the time to peer around his space.

You already know that he’s living with Jeonghan too, so you love how you’re able to easily distinguish the small snippets that belong to Joshua. Apart from the collection of vinyl records, you also see a few microphone stands and a keyboard set up in one corner, as well as an empty guitar stand where you know his guitar belongs. 

Letting your eyes drift, the coffee table in front of you catches your attention. There’s a couple of coasters, the remote for the TV, a cute succulent in the middle. But then your eyes land on something else. 

On it, you spot a book laying flat on the table. Curiosity piqued, you reach over to examine it. The book is a sign language dictionary. You open it to find that it’s filled with detailed illustrations of hand signs, and throughout the pages you see Joshua’s handwriting scattered throughout. Some of the pages are marked with sticky notes, others you spot silly doodles of smiley faces in the corners. 

You hardly ever thought about the amount of effort he put into learning how to talk to you, to understand you. A small part of you feels bad that he has to go through all this trouble to learn sign language. But then you remember that he chose to do this, that this was his decision, not yours.

The spot on the couch right next to you dips down slightly as Joshua sits down. He glances at the sign language dictionary in your hands and glances at you with a soft, curious look, and it makes you look away sheepishly.

Dropping the book in your lap, you fumble for your phone, typing out:

You did all of this for me?

When Joshua reads the message, a small chuckle leaves him. 

“I wanted to get to know you better,” he tells you, your eyes flickering between his hands and his lips. “I don’t regret it at all.” 

As his words wash over you, you feel your fingers struggle to put together how much this is affecting you. You type after a few thoughtful moments. 

It must have been hard. I’m sorry

Joshua only shakes his head. “It was worth it. I promise.” He pauses for a moment, gears turning in his head. “Do you want to know the first word I wanted to learn?” 

You watch as he picks up his right hand, opening it up so that his fingers pointed up and his thumb toward his cheek. Then he fans his fingers across his face, and closes his hand in a relaxed fist to sign the word beautiful. 

“You’re beautiful,” he finishes, his fingers gracefully forming the sign again. “I happened to have thought that the first second you walked into the café.”

You could only stare at him incredulously. Even though it isn’t the first time he’s expressed this kind of affection in your few months of being together, it still takes you by surprise, still sends those surges of flutters shooting down your limbs, still makes your mind go blank and your hands go limp.

Cowering behind a hand of your own, you motion a shy finger at him, before rolling your hand over your face, then forming a Y-shape with your hand, and shaking it slightly.

“You’re beautiful, too.” 

Joshua purses his lip together at that, suppressing the giddiness threatening to stretch across his features.

“Well,” he starts, cocking his head to the side endearingly. He won’t ever get over how adorable you are when you’re flustered. “I say we compliment each other quite well then.”

From there, the two of you let out some shared, heartfelt laughter, and it sounds like absolute music to Joshua’s ears. He shows you the pages he’s gone through in the book𑁋from the alphabet and grammar, to basic common phrases, and to more, nuanced, complex sentences𑁋and it looks like he’s more than halfway done with reading and annotating through it. He eagerly points out the words and phrases he's already mastered, and the ones he's still struggling with. It's cute seeing the little doodles and notes he's written in the margins.

When he places the book back on the table and turns to you, a lightbulb goes off in your head.

“I can teach you,” You sign to him, a willing passion in your hands. 

Joshua lifts a brow, copying your movement. “Teach me?” 

When you nod, his face morphs into a pensive look. After a few moments, he brightens back up.

“How about the seasons?” he suggests. “We can start with those.”

You begin with spring. Your hands move as if they’re opening up to new life, the gesture mimicking the blossoming of flowers. Joshua watches intently, his eyes following your movements carefully, before mimicking the motion a few times. 

Next, you move on to summer. You form a fist with your palms down at your forehead, before taking your index finger and drawing it across your brow a few times, almost as if you’re wiping away a drip of sweat. 

For autumn, you use your hands to mimic falling leaves from a tree off your non-dominant elbow, making a gentle fluttering motion. 

Finally, you teach him winter. You simply make a shivering motion, as if you’re cold, and Joshua chuckles as he imitates the sign. You watch in awe as he successfully goes through the signs a few times without a hitch. Giving him a few rounds of claps, he gives a shy, pleased smile, clearly proud of his progress.

“I hope we…” Joshua starts, some unsureness flowing through his hands, but he signs the seasons so easily (unbeknownst to you, he already knew them). “...we get to see spring, summer, autumn, and winter together.” 

Perhaps he could feel the way your heart swells in his hands, because he’s cradling it so preciously as he speaks, and he looks at you with such hopeful eyes.

You want to spend every single season with him. 

Later that night, you find yourself standing in front of the sink in Joshua’s kitchen, washing the dishes because you lost him to a game of rock-paper-scissors. 

As you’re rinsing off the final dish, a light tap lands on your shoulder, making you wince for a second before quickly relaxing. A pair of arms then sneaks around your waist, pulling you close and causing you to nearly lose your grip on the plate. 

Joshua gently rests his chin on your shoulder from behind. His breath hits your neck as he wraps his arms around you. He stays like this for a few moments, simply savouring the closeness of your presence against him. Then, with a mischievous smile that you don't see, he brings a finger up and slowly begins to trace your back lightly with the tip, almost like a whisper against your skin.

I…

Curious and slightly ticklish, you crane your neck slightly to look back at him over your shoulder, scrunching your face up as you try to focus on deciphering what he’s trying to write.

… l… o… v… e…

Joshua pauses momentarily, sneaking a glance at the way you’re standing so still in his hold, before tracing the final letters.

…y… o… u.

Eyes widening, you shift around in order to face him, and Joshua rests his arms on either side of you, hands gripping onto the counter behind and practically enclosing you in. 

He leans in, and the world seems to narrow altogether. His half-lidded eyes flicker between your eyes and lips, as if asking for permission, and you could only anticipate what’s coming next as you squeeze your eyes shut.

Chuckling softly, Joshua inches even closer to you, and you feel his nose lightly brush against yours. But instead of pressing his lips against yours, he first kisses your forehead softly, making you shoot your eyes open in a bit of a confused daze. 

But before you can fully process everything, he’s leaning in once again, and this time, his lips gently meet against the tip of your nose. You crinkle it back as a pout runs across your mouth, and Joshua’s grin widens even more. 

“What’s with the face?” he teases, feigning a hurt look. “Is it because I haven’t kissed you properly yet?” 

You answer with him a shy, petty tug at the fabric of his shirt. 

“Give me a smile then,” Joshua insists impishly. “Please?”

Just from that alone, a shy curve sprouts at your lips, and Joshua just watches with a satisfied look. 

“Hmm,” he hums skeptically, but is leaning in closer anyway. “I’ll take it.” 

Then he finally kisses you, mouth moving with an ardent sweetness against yours that renders you breathless. He playfully chases after you as you manage to escape out of his grasp. But he’s quick to catch up to you anyway, the sounds of your giggles mingling with the soft crackling of the record player as you both collapse on top of the couch. 

You tentatively trace I love you on his back when you’re both settled on the couch together, legs intertwined and your head perched at the crook of his neck. He’s asleep, you consider𑁋you can tell by the way you feel his chest rising and falling against yours. 

Yet after you write those words, a shaky, relieved exhale leaves him that you don’t hear.

“All you have to do,” Jihoon starts, offering a seemingly heavyweight set of headphones in his other hand towards Joshua. “is press play right here, and tell me what you think.”

Joshua takes hold of the headphones as Jihoon scoots a bit of his chair away to give him some room. He places it carefully over his ears, feeling the soft cushions envelop them. Then after taking a deep breath, he reaches over to press the play button on the keyboard, and Joshua can feel his heart racing in anticipation. 

Upon playing, he’s greeted with the familiar sounds of his guitar filling his ears, and then his voice comes in. Hearing himself in such a professionally produced track and not just as raw vocals bouncing off the walls of his room is absolutely unbelievable. He could also pinpoint the subtle layers Jihoon has added to the track𑁋a faint drumbeat and soft vocal harmonies. 

It was a song that was once simple lyrics in a dusty journal and a few rough guitar chords. It wasn’t meant to be anything grand; it was originally a personal project made on a whim in the middle of the night just to channel his feelings and his dreams into something palpable. 

But now, hearing it with such rich yet attenuated production for the first time, it feels as if the song has taken on a life of its own. 

“Holy𑁋wow,” Joshua says the moment he takes off the headphones, staring at Jihoon with disbelief. “Are you sure this is my song?” 

Jihoon chuckles at that. “Positive, man.”

Joshua’s eyes remain wide. He holds the headphones in his hands, turning them over and inspecting them closely as if trying to decipher the magic hidden within. 

“I never imagined it could sound like this,” he admits meekly. “I mean, I’ve always dreamed about this, but... to actually hear it like this? It’s incredible.”

Jihoon nods encouragingly. “You had the foundation; I just built on it. I’m telling you, with the right push, it could really connect with people.”

Joshua leans back in his chair, still holding the headphones in his grasp like it's a sacred bar of gold, and lets out a deep breath. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“The recording will be on this USB drive,” Jihoon shows off a tiny, ruby red drive in his hand. “I’ll work on polishing it up a bit more, but this is essentially it. You could also gain some attention from your busking gigs. What do you say?”

Well, it’s not like he can say no to that. 

“I’m in,” Joshua replies with a grin.

The minute that he steps out of the studio later that day, a breeze of cold air suddenly nips at his cheek. Joshua brings his head up to see the sky thick with clouds, and to his amazement, delicate snowflakes begin to fall, gently drifting down and settling on his hair and shoulders. It’s the first snowfall of the season.

There’s something almost magical about the way the snow falls, he thinks. As he continues to walk through the streets, there’s a sense of renewal that washes over him, a fresh start, just like the song he’s worked so hard on and the dreams he's held at the tips of his fingers. He takes a deep breath, letting the cool air fill his lungs, and pulls out his phone to text you. 

[05:39PM | joshua hong] Still have time to meet up later? 

Your reply comes in almost instantaneously. 

[05:41PM | y/n] just left the museum :) it’s snowing outside!!!

[05:42PM | joshua hong] Dress warmly ❤️ I’ll meet you at your place?

[05:42PM | y/n] I will. see you soon ❤️

Chuckling to himself, Joshua pulls the jacket tighter around his body and stuffs his hands inside his pockets, quickening his pace at the thought of seeing you.

When the season of spring rolls over, trees are budding with beautiful, bright green leaves and flowers are blooming in a vibrant array of colours. Spring has always been one of your favourite seasons, and this year is no different𑁋especially if you get to see it with the people close to you.

You’ve been coming back to attend your art class at the museum, and you’ve decided to pick up a small side role as a teacher’s aide to earn some extra money since more people have been enrolling into the art programs. So far, it’s been very rewarding and fulfilling, and meeting new people who share your same passions has been a joy. 

Plus, you could proudly say the spark for painting has been getting stronger and stronger each passing day. 

Wheein greets you with enthusiasm when you walk out of the classroom, explaining with annoyance about how one of the girls in her classroom was someone she heavily despised back in high school. Seungkwan shows up when you both step out of the museum, and you have to remind them that you can’t sacrifice your plans with Joshua to hang out with them at the arcade that just opened down the street. 

“They’re in their honeymoon phase,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes teasingly. 

“They’ve been in their honeymoon phase for, like, half the year now,” Wheein grumbles, though her irritation is more playful than serious. “It’s not like they’re going to stop anytime soon.”

“And Y/N is practically dating a celebrity at this point. Have you seen the way people are talking about his music online?” 

Your best friends are boasting about your relationship right in front of you, making you roll your eyes. But you can’t help the way your cheeks colour with a tad bit of embarrassment and��� a hint of proudness too, because they’re right. 

Joshua has had a few more songs released under his name, and performing at the busking centre has become a regular part of his schedule, his days working at the café lessening as he’s been focusing more on his music. His performances have been slowly drawing more attention, both locally and online, and it’s clear that his passion is shining through. You’re incredibly proud of him𑁋you’ve always had been.

Your footsteps are as light as a feather by the time you reach the busking centre. There’s already a good size crowd gathered around, and you can see Joshua sitting in the middle, propped on a stool with his guitar. Seokmin is there too, sitting on a stool of his own with a microphone in front of him, and there’s one more person. Judging by the small details that Joshua alludes to𑁋with the man’s distinctive button nose and laid-back stature𑁋you could only assume it’s Jihoon sitting behind the keyboard with a calm and focused expression. 

As you, Seungkwan, and Wheein find a spot at the edge of the crowd, he seems to spot you almost immediately in the midst of singing a song, his eyes lighting up the moment they meet yours. He gives you a small smile, and you can’t help but feel a rush of warmth spread through your chest. Joshua looks completely at ease as he tunes his guitar, his fingers moving cleverly over the strings.

He looks really, really pretty. The sun seemed to be shining down on him in all the right ways, the sleeves of the white collared shirt that he was wearing pulled up to reveal his forearms, and a dainty pair of glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. The subtle spring breeze rumples his hair just enough to make him look effortlessly handsome. You couldn't take your eyes off him.

The entire crowd is captivated, yet it's as if he's singing directly to you, and in a way, he is. The vibrations fly through the air and hit every inch of your skin and into your chest, each note reverberating in your heart. You watch the way his lips move, the way his eyes light up, and the way the crowd responds𑁋it all tells you just how special this moment is.

As the song comes to an end, the crowd erupts in applause once again, and you find yourself brightly clapping along with everyone else. He looks over at you, and for a moment, it feels like time stands still. Then he stands up with Seokmin and Jihoon following, the three of them taking a bow together, before he sets his guitar down and makes his way toward you. 

Seungkwan and Wheein give you knowing looks before stepping aside to give you two some space, leaving to approach Seokmin and Jihoon. 

“Did you like it?” he asks while signing to you. 

You purse your lips together, shooting a musing glance up at the sky, before signing, “You already know what I think of it.” 

“In fact, I do not,” Joshua responds playfully, stepping a bit closer to you. “That’s why I’m asking you, love.” 

You narrow your eyes at him, feigning mock suspicion, and he seems to already know what you’re trying to point out. 

“Of course I’m fishing for compliments,” he adds on with a cheeky grin, endearingly wrinkling his nose that his glasses slide down just a bit. “Your opinion matters the most to me. Winning your approval means that I’ve accomplished the world, you know.” 

You can't help but laugh faintly at his words, though his earnestness warms your heart. Tentatively, you reach out to adjust his glasses, pushing them back up the bridge of his nose. His gaze follows your movements as you pull away from him slightly, the corners of his lips twitching up even further.

“It was wonderful,” You sign back bashfully. A blush creeps up your cheeks as you realise how cheesy it sounds, but Joshua’s features only soften as he reads your hands and catches a glimpse of a twinkle in your eyes when you look at him. 

He reaches down and takes one of your hands into his. “That was all that I needed to know.” Then he glances at the time displayed on his phone and looks back at you. “The aquarium is still open, right?” 

Your eyes widen at that𑁋that’s right, you were too caught in the moment that you nearly forgot about your plans𑁋and you give an eager nod.

“Perfect,” Joshua chips eagerly, his hand squeezing yours encouragingly. “The painting you did the other week reminded me of the jellyfish exhibit.”

“This awfully feels like a break-up.”

Joshua furrows his brows at that while folding one of his shirts and placing it inside a box. “What are you even talking about?”

“You’re breaking up with me,” Jeonghan retaliates jokingly, fauxing a sulky pout. “and moving out. I thought we had something special going on here.”

“You were the one who wanted me to move out in the first place.”

Jeonghan sighs dramatically, slumping his body against the doorframe of Joshua's now half-empty room. “That was before I realised how lonely it would be without you here. And now you’re spreading your wings and flying off.”

As sarcastic as that sounds, the corners of Joshua’s lips turn up fondly. If it weren’t for Jeonghan taking him in as his roommate from the very beginning ever since moving away, he wouldn’t lie about feeling a little sentimental. 

After packing up the remains of his clothes, Joshua stands up from sitting on his ass on the floor for two hours straight, crossing his arms together and shooting Jeonghan a pointed look. “You know I’m only going to be living like… fifteen minutes away, right? And I’ll still be working at the café.”

“I’m officially putting you as full-time then.” Jeonghan’s lips quirk up in a smirk.

“Screw that,” Joshua huffs with a laugh. “I’ve already got enough on my plate.”

“Right, because you’re so famous,” Jeonghan remarks exaggeratingly. “Heard you signed a napkin for someone the other day.” 

Joshua snorts at that in response. Okay, he’s certainly not as famous as Jeonghan depicts him to be, but apparently famous enough for someone to approach him and ask for his autograph on a napkin. Apart from the gigs in the busking centre, he also has a few social media accounts set up where he can post song covers on occasion and drop updates about his music. 

All he has is his presence, a guitar, and a dream that’s slowly taking shape right before him. He knows it’s a long road ahead, but even with the small progress that’s been made so far, he’s hopeful, determined.

The new apartment is small but cozy. It’s not much, but it’s a place to call his own𑁋his own little corner of the world. He decides it’s not worth the energy right now to unpack everything and instead settles on top of the lone mattress that’s currently on the middle of the floor, feeling both exhausted and oddly content. 

He stretches his body on top of the soft surface and lets out a sigh of relief as he sinks into the mattress, gazing aimlessly at the barren ceiling above him. The remnants of packing are scattered about the place, with boxes sitting in corners and unopened bags lying around. His guitar sits on its stand right next to the window. There are still many things to figure out𑁋how to decorate the place, where to put everything, what this all means for his future. 

But for now, he allows himself this moment of stillness; this brief, quiet pause before turning the page to the next chapter.

After nearly nodding off, a few knocks at the door jolt him awake. He blinks in surprise, pushing himself up from the mattress. Stretching out his tired limbs, he makes his way to the door, opening it to find you standing on the other side. 

You stand there with a bag clutched at your side, suspended under the singular hallway light that highlights the fondness in your eyes. You shake the bag lightly.

“Food?” You sign to him.

Joshua swears his heart drops down to his knees just from that alone, his exhaustion melting away from your simple offer. Then his stomach rumbles, as if in agreement, reminding him that he hasn’t exactly had a proper meal the majority of the day from how busy he was with moving in. The nod he gives you makes you chuckle.

As you step inside his new place for the first time, you take a moment to gaze around at the barren walls and scattered boxes. Like any new, fresh canvas, the space holds so much potential and possibilities. If it’s home for Joshua, then it’s also… home for you too. 

The two of you sit down cross-legged on the mattress while unpacking the bag of its contents. The aroma of takeout food travels through the air. You spread out the food between you, and Joshua seems to light up upon seeing the familiar, comforting dishes.

Sharing a meal together feels a bit different now. You don’t exactly know why, but there’s a subtle shift in the air you haven’t noticed until this very moment. There’s a sense of beginning, of making this place feel like home, and it’s oddly intimate. It's a blank slate waiting to be filled with new memories. New memories that you can’t wait to make with him. 

Joshua feels a nudge at his knee while chewing on a sushi roll, seeing that you’re holding out your phone for him to read. 

Can I show you something? 

He swallows his bite of sushi and looks up at you with curiosity, taking a second to clear his mouth while giving a nod.

Shrugging off the nerves, you set your plate of food down to reach into the bag. You pull out a small canvas, and when you turn it over to show him, it shows a beautifully painted scene of a sunset casting over the horizon. The vibrant hues of yellow and orange blend seamlessly with soft blues and purples. Along with that, the silhouette of a couple sitting together𑁋with one leaning their head on the other’s shoulder𑁋under a tree completes the picture. 

Joshua reaches out to touch the canvas, letting a fingertip caress over its coarse surface.

“This is beautiful,” he tells you. “Did you make this for me?”

You nod, and he watches closely as you type on your phone.

I wanted to give you your first piece of decoration for your new place

Joshua’s eyes soften as he reads your message, the warmth in his chest spreading to his entire body.

“It’s perfect, honey,” he says. “I’ll be sure to hang it somewhere special.”

In your eyes, you can already imagine it hung on the empty wall beside the window, where the morning light will cast a gentle glow on it and bring the colours to life. In your eyes, you can imagine your easel sitting right below it, with Joshua’s guitar propped right beside it…

“I should have the stuff to hang it in one of the boxes. I’m not sure which one though.” Joshua’s eyes flicker between the unopened boxes standing intimidatingly in the corner of the room, letting out a small, airy laugh. “But I’ll find it soon, I promise.”

You give him a warm, reassuring smile, as if conveying that there wasn’t any rush in finding it right now. 

When you both finish eating and cleaning up, you find yourself sitting on the mattress, body turned so that you are staring out the window of Joshua’s apartment, reveling in the stillness of the summer night and the way moonlight filters on the wall. Your silhouette is quickly joined by another one as Joshua settles closely beside you, your shoulders brushing lightly. 

At the corner of your eye, a glowing phone screen catches your attention, on it displayed a message from Joshua. 

What are you thinking about? 

The question almost seems silly somehow, yet you ponder for a few moments, before taking the phone to type back: 

I made a big decision today

Joshua lifts up an intrigued brow, and he tilts his head inquisitively at you, the soft brown tones of his eyes glistening like honey. It makes you lose your train of thought briefly as your fingers drift clumsily across the screen.

I’m going to participate in the upcoming exhibition at the museum. I’ve been thinking of trying again for a while now

“You are?” Joshua’s eyes widen. “When is it going to be?” 

“During fall,” You sign in response.

Fall isn’t that far away. The reminder seems to gnaw uneasily at your nerves, and Joshua notices it right away. 

“Feeling nervous about it?” he asks. 

You nod slowly, the weight of your decision settling heavily in your chest.

“It’s okay to be nervous. I know it didn’t go well last time,” Joshua continues. “But, well𑁋you already know what I’m going to say, right?” 

Now, the nod you give is a bit more confident. You bring your hands up to sign, “I believe in you.” You wonder if it’s his favourite phrase, since he’s said it to you so many times before. It holds a special place in your quiet conversations. 

“Exactly.” He wiggles a playful finger in front of your face, the moonlight makes his eyes twinkle with reassurance. “I believe in you. I’ve seen the way you pour your heart into your art. No matter what, you’re going to shine, love. And you have to believe in yourself too, okay? That’s the most important step.”

Joshua reaches over to grab your hand into his, squeezing firmly, before bringing it up to his lips to place a kiss right at your knuckles. You melt at that𑁋probably into the mattress at this point𑁋and hang your head down bashfully. 

When the silence rolls over again, you lean your head on Joshua’s shoulder, your silhouettes intertwining together on the wall.

Maybe this is where you belong, after all. 

There’s a quiet comfort you find in the palette of fall: the colours of leaves changing to warm oranges, reds, and yellows, the subtle crispness of the air that reminds you of the sweet taste of cinnamon rolls, and the way the sunlight feels a little softer on your skin.

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm the racing thoughts in your head. This is it. The moment you’ve been dreading and anticipating for weeks. You toy anxiously with the sleeves of your cardigan as you walk into the museum, the grand hall stretching out before your eyes. 

It’s all familiar just like last year𑁋the same setup, some familiar and new faces. More people are probably participating than last time since the art program has grown exponentially, and the thought fills you up with trepidation, if anything. Wheein is also here too engaging in the exhibition, Seungkwan was going to come later, and Joshua had already texted you that he's on his way after ending his performance at the busking centre early (though you insisted he didn’t have to… yet he did anyway) though you’re unsure when he’s going to arrive.

Along with the other artists in the room, you take a seat as you wait for the exhibition to finally begin. Then you feel a tap on your shoulder, and you perk up to see Wheein quickly engulfing you in a hug before pulling away.

“Jeez, there you are! You’re sitting like a wallflower and I couldn’t find you anywhere,” she rambles quickly that you don’t entirely catch what she’s saying, but you could tell she’s nervous too. She takes a visible breath, and brings her hands up. “How are you feeling? Heard there’s more competition this time.” 

You offer her a small, reassuring smile. “Nervous, but excited. I feel more prepared.”

Wheein nods, her eyes lighting up at that. “Good. You've got this.” She glances around the room before turning back to you. “See you on the other side?”

“Definitely,” You assure her, feeling a surge of confidence flow through you. 

Wheein squeezes your hand with a firm look one last time before moving off to find her own spot. A short while later, the exhibition officially begins with a long speech by the museum director once more. There’s still no sign of Joshua anywhere, but you tell yourself that you got this. 

Ignoring your sweaty palms, you spot your artwork hanging on the wall. It feels like a small part of you is now on display. And for the first time, there’s a feeling of pride that wraps around you comfortably. You feel more prepared than last time; with the help of Wheein, you wrote down some written statements you could present to the critics and the visitors who come by if they ever ask about your piece. 

A few minutes later, an interpreter approaches you𑁋one who isn't late this time, thankfully𑁋and you greet her with a friendly nod. She offers a kind smile to you, and you feel a bit more at ease, knowing that you’ll be able to communicate effectively with any critics and curators. 

As people start to crowd around the extravagant hall, you find yourself observing their reactions from a distance. Some pause to study your piece closely while reading the written statements you prepared. Others seem to take in the scene with thoughtful silence and then move on to the next artist after you. However, before you know it, time seems to slip away fairly quickly, and you’re surrounded by a sea of curious faces willing to engage in discussions about your painting. 

It’s a bit overwhelming having to explain and answer to so many people at once where you can feel their eyes practically boring into you, but you’ve rehearsed this part so many times that you feel yourself becoming more comfortable, more natural in the way you’re confiding in your work. 

As much as art can be interpreted, reinterpreted, and misinterpreted, you know that in the end, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Your work is supposed to continue conversations, not end them. And you hope that yours does just that.

After talking to a sweet-looking old couple, you take a moment to catch your breath. You can’t tell if the stars have possibly aligned for you or if it’s just the magic of the night that’s making everything feel so right.

Just as you're starting to relax a bit, a familiar, comforting sight at the corner of your eye captures your attention. And when you bring your head back up to welcome the next visitor, you find Joshua right in front of you, coming up with his arms behind his back and a playful look on his face. He’s dressed in a comfortable navy blue sweater and a pair of beige jeans, appearing effortlessly handsome and soft as always. 

“Hello,” he greets warmly before stopping in front of you, letting his eyes trail past you in order to roam over the large painting that sat behind. So this is what you’ve been keeping a surprise all this time. “Your painting is beautiful. Can you tell me more about it?” 

You blink in surprise at his sudden performance on being a visitor, biting back a smile creeping up your lips and the affectionate flutters bursting in your stomach. 

Gesturing to the painting, you start to explain as your interpreter steps in to translate to Joshua. You start with the basics of your piece: the inspiration, the styles and techniques you used, and what you hoped to convey, and Joshua listens attentively, though he seems to be more focused on you than anything else. For some reason, him being the only one standing here is making you more nervous than the group of people you talked to earlier. 

“I could see the passion you put into your piece,” Joshua says softly. “It’s admirable. It was the first thing that caught my eye when I walked in here and I could tell that there’s something truly special about it𑁋that there’s a lot of heart in it. So thank you for sharing this part of you to the world. You have a gift, honestly.”

You find every ounce of wanting to thank him shy away as a blush rises to your cheeks. Instead, you give a small nod, head hanging down as if the floor was the most interesting sight in the world, feeling overwhelmed by his words. If you look at him, you’d feel like you would melt into a puddle on the floor.

Joshua chuckles quietly at your reaction before giving you one last lingering look. You watch as his shoes walk out of your line of sight, his presence leaving behind a comforting feeling to settle in your chest, right by your heart. You feel like you can conquer the world right now. 

When you finally bring your head back up, you don't spot him anywhere. For a moment, you scan the large room, looking for the familiar navy blue sweater, but you assume he’s already moved on to another part of the exhibition. 

You let out a breath you hardly noticed you were holding until now. 

As the evening winds down and time is getting closer to the dreaded announcement of results, the atmosphere in the museum starts to shift from the excitement of the exhibition to a more anticipatory hush as everyone returns back to their seats. The tremble in your hands returns back once more as you peer around anxiously, hoping to see some sight of a familiar face𑁋of Joshua, of your best friends, of anything. 

Minutes later, Wheein and Seungkwan run up to you with wide, beaming grins. Joshua isn’t with them, though. Your shoulders deflate slightly.

“They’re about to announce the results!” Wheein exclaims, signing to you with more enthusiasm than you can ever have right now. “How do you feel?”

“I swear I saw so many people gathered at your painting earlier,” Seungkwan adds in. “That’s got to be a good sign, right?”

“Not all the time,” Wheein reassures him with a disappointed tone, but she keeps a light-hearted smile. “Usually it just means people were interested, but hey, it’s definitely a good sign! You should be proud of yourself, no matter what happens, Y/N, okay?”

You force a smile at that, trying to hide the nervousness that’s crawling up your spine. You're not sure if you're ready to hear the results, yet at the same time, there’s a pang of excitement that’s hard to not acknowledge too.

The museum director steps up to the podium once everyone scrambles to return to their seats. You shoot glances around the room, spotting familiar faces, some looking calm and composed, others nervously tapping their feet or fidgeting with their clothes. You can hardly catch up with the way your heart is racing like it's running on overdrive, but you attempt to readjust your focus to the director. 

“Now, I would like to formally express congratulations to all who have claimed a place in this year’s annual exhibition. We had an outstanding number of participants and submissions this year. It was a very challenging time for the judges…”

The director’s voice is steady, yet each word that you watch leave his mouth seems to stretch on as your nerves make the second feel like minutes then to hours. Your palms have become clammy, and you grip your hands into tight fists, your nails digging into the skin of your palm. 

“…the judges have taken into consideration to select the works that stood out in originality, technique, and emotional impact. And now, for the results…”

Your breath catches as the director begins to announce the winners slowly but surely, one by one, heartbeat thumping stronger with each one. The names come and go, each following with a few moments of applause erupting around the room that you echo along with as the artists hop onto the stage to retrieve their certification from the director. It’s like a momentary pause of time before the next. 

The moments that pass feel as if a small weight is being lifted from your shoulders, only to be replaced by a heavier, more pressing sense of anticipation, of dread, of doubt. Déjà vu starts to seep into your thoughts as you bite at your bottom lip and bring your eyes down from the stage, feeling your chest tightening with hopelessness. There’s no point. 

And it’s because you’ve become so attuned to your thoughts that you don’t notice the collective murmur of excitement that ripples through the crowd right before you. You pick up to clap your hands for the name was just called, only to be met with quite literally everyone’s faces on you. Nothing but confusion clouds your mind. 

Are they… clapping for you?

The realisation hits you hard, and for a few long seconds, you’re caught between disbelief and elation. Your body feels absolutely frozen in place; everyone’s mouth is moving too fast for you to fully process; the world around you feels like it’s spinning. The moment seems to stretch into an endless void, and you can barely believe what’s happening. The crowd’s faces blur into a sea of smiles and congratulations… for you. 

Your name𑁋your artwork𑁋had been recognised.

You nearly tumble on the way to the front at the way your legs feel numb underneath you, each step feeling as if you’re floating on air. Perhaps this is really just one, long, tortuous dream, but the way your trembling hands clutch the certificate as you receive it from the director feels startlingly real. 

The director offers you a handshake and an acknowledging smile, but you hardly register it all in your mind. In those short moments, you take the opportunity to swiftly scan the room, catching sight of Wheein and Seungkwan clapping happily for you, and Joshua standing right next to them. He’s clapping along too𑁋is that a bouquet of flowers in his hands?𑁋with a warm, proud smile painted across his features. You consider it more important than any of the applause around the room; more important than the award itself, ironically.

You make your way back to your seat, the certificate feeling both heavy and light in your hands. Every congratulatory smile that the other artists send to you is like a burst of warmth against the cool autumn night.

As the last of the names are called, you find yourself drifting among the crowd, eyes in search of your friends. But it isn’t long for your body to be engulfed by the arms of Wheein and Seungkwan who have managed to squeeze their way through the crowd to find you, their faces glowing with uncontainable excitement.

“Y/N, you did it!” Wheein exclaims, her eyes glistening with joy as she shakes you by the shoulders. “I knew you could! I’m so proud of you!”

“I told you it was a good sign!” Seungkwan remarks to Wheein before facing you with a wide grin. “Shit, I’m about to cry again𑁋I’m so happy for you, Y/N!”

As their words sink in, an overwhelming bubble of triumph grows within you. A shaky laugh leaves you as they continue to shower you with their happiness, heat beginning to prick at the corners of your eyes from how much your heart feels so fully right now. 

Wheein drags Seungkwan by the wrist to greet the other artists, and you’re left standing at the very side of the museum, gazing wandering around through all the faces within your vicinity. You don’t see any sign of Joshua anywhere. Did he get lost? 

With that, you pull your phone out to text him, before your eyes widen in surprise at the way you missed a message from him sent five minutes ago. You were a bit too distracted by everything else that you didn’t feel the notification of his text.

[09:03PM | joshua hong] I’ll meet you outside ❤️

Without any hesitation, you slip your phone back into your pocket and make your way toward the exit of the museum, leaving behind the lively inside and into the peaceful night. The cool autumn air greets you with a refreshing embrace as you step outside, the sky painted with the soft hues of dusk.

Joshua isn’t standing that much farther away from you, spotting him waiting idly by the small gate at the entrance of the museum, a singular spotlight shining down on him from above. As you start to approach him, he seems to notice and turns his body toward you, a smile spreading across his lips. 

“What are you doing out here?” You sign to him curiously.

Joshua’s lips form a thin line in thought, signing back expressively while answering, “Too noisy in there, and I thought you deserved some fresh air. Plus, I wanted to give you something.”

After that, he pulls out the bouquet of flowers from behind his back and extends it toward you with a sheepish look.

“I know you probably already saw them, but I couldn’t hide it any longer,” he tells you. “Congratulations, my love.”

The pleasant fragrance of the flowers float to your nostrils as you take them into your grasp. The flowers themselves are a perfect assortment of colours you find dear to your heart, like each one was personally handpicked for you. The thought and everything else has heat prickling at the corners of your eyes. It’s all too much and just enough at the same time.

Joshua grabs ahold of your hand, pulling you close to him so that one of your arms is wrapped around his waist. He places a small kiss on the top of your head before leaning down to look into your eyes.

“Look at you,” he coos softly, perhaps a pinch of tease behind his words you detect. “You’re glowing.” 

You nearly laugh at that, coming out as a shaky and probably ugly snort instead that makes you bury your face into Joshua’s shoulder. Maybe you are glowing, maybe it’s just the spotlight hanging over, or maybe you’re just too happy to even care. You feel his chest lifting and receding from the laughs of his own as you cling to him. For a moment, everything else fades away𑁋the museum, the crowd, the nerves.

When you pull away slightly, he’s still looking at you, taking the chance to let a finger slowly caress the skin of your cheek. There’s stars in his eyes that you could pinpoint, ones that seem to shine brighter than even the largest of constellations. You feel like you could get lost in them, in him, and for a moment, you do. Your breath hitches in your throat. 

A gentle breeze carries the scent of fallen leaves, the soft rustling of leaves surrounding the two of you. It's as if the world has paused, giving you a moment to simply be with each other.

You bring the arm that was around his waist back to your side. He still holds you by the hips as you bring a hand up to sign.

“I know that I can’t hear,” You start to sign slowly, his gaze flickering down to your hands curiously. “but I can feel your voice when you hold me.”

Joshua nods thoughtfully. He seems to contemplate something for a moment, before bringing his hands from your hips and up to sign. 

“How does it make you feel?” 

You purse your lips in thought, trying to find the right signs to express what you're feeling. It's hard to put into words, or even signs, the way you feel when you're with him.

“Safe… loved…” You draw your fingers graciously through the air, and Joshua’s eyes soften with affection as he watches. “...heard… understood…”

The words fly off your hands and swirl around like a planet orbiting its sun. As you peer into Joshua's eyes, you know he understands. He's always understood.

“I want…” You begin hesitantly, somewhat feeling silly at what you’re about to ask from him. “...to feel you say something to me.” 

Joshua’s eyes widen slightly, and he tilts his head intriguingly, waiting patiently for you to continue. 

You start with taking the fingertip of your hand touching your chin, before drawing it away in the form of a small arc. Next, you point to yourself, then you point towards him. Taking both arms, you cross your arms over your chest as if you were hugging yourself. And then finally, you point back at yourself. 

“Tell me that you love me.” 

A faint hint of a smirk crosses his features, before it softens into a simple look, a simple smile. Joshua just steps back forward and takes you back into his embrace, letting you press yourself against his chest. He wraps his arms around you, holding you close enough that you could possibly even feel his heartbeat. You love feeling that as well.

You swear that if there was one place you could stay in forever, it would be in his arms. And right now, it was only the beginning of something beautiful.

“I love you,” he tells you. For the first time, you don't read his lips to know he said it, yet you feel those three words resonate through your entire being and down to the very core of your heart, just where they belong.

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[thewallsaretalking-again]

you know what?? Fuck it, there's something I've GOTTA talk about:

(don't worry this isn't like a serious post or anything. also its gonna be really badly written with grammar errors because I'm just really excited to finally be talking about this and I'm shaking like a leaf) (also, if you don't agree with this that is completely fine; everybody ships different ships, this is just one that I personally love and me explaining how it came to be and how I image it. I'm not trying to convince anybody of anything, this is just for fun. If you don't like, that's fine! All I ask is that there is no hate and that you just move on. Thank you!)

I love rairpairs. Like, LOVE them. Anyone who's seen my old transformers art knows that I ship DreadOp which is like, a nonexistent ship. like, the ship equivalent of being an endangered species (there's like 10 fics about it on AO3, so you KNOW it's rare). There's a few examples of me being like this but this is the best example that i have.

But this has gotten to the point where i have done something absolutely ridiculous: I have created an entirely new ship- no, TWO entirely new ships (I'm only going to be focusing on one rn). AND I'VE GOTTA TALK ABOUT THEM because honestly? I love them! so, what monstrosity have I created? Whoo... prepare yourselves (especially you, dark cacao cookie fans...)

Yep. Don't hate me. Please hear me out because honestly iv'e seen more heinous ships in my time on the internet.

so, first of all, the white dude is known as the milk village elder in CRK, and we only see him once in the entire game (that i know of). I love taking npc's and giving them characters, so this is kinda how this happened. I'm gonna start by talking about the milk dude and how i headcannon/ imagine him because it will come into play later.

I gave the milk village elder the name Whole Milk Cookie, because i couldn't exactly call him Milk Cookie; that names already been taken

Whole Milk Cookie isn't actually anyone's grandfather, despite him being called grandad/ grandpappy in the actual game. We never see anyone his age in the milk village, and I like to imagine that its sorta like an honorary title. Like, he acts like everyone's grandpa, so everyone calls him grandpa but no one is actually related to him.

Whole Milk Cookie is like, ungodly sweet. Like, diabetes kind of sweet. its ridiculous. there are only a few ways to get him angry; and trust me, you don't want to...

He's strong. Like, think Hollyberry type strong. Gives the BEST hugs too.

Nobody knows exactly how old he is, but people suspect that he's actually much older than he looks. This could be caused by his extreme talent with the milk that comes from the villages well; if its used right, the milk can cure disease, help pains, or even extend someone's lifespan/ help retain youth. either that or he's some sort of demon but hey, who's counting?

got all that? good. Now the question everybody's asking; why the hell do i ship this? What's the story here? What's the origin? Well hold onto your pants folks because this is where we get into me overanalyzing shit.

behold the line that started it all:

This is so SO vague. why the hell did they put this in here it is SO VAUGE. what does he mean by "THAT king"? you know what it sounds like? someone reminiscing of their time with a loved one who has now changed....

they never elaborate on what exactly this line means and this is the very last line we hear Whole Milk Cookie say in the main story

wondering where exactly he's gone instead of wondering when he's coming back? idk man you sound worried about him...

also saying "laid your eyes upon" just sounds so gay/loving and i don't know why. yeah your laying something thats for sure glfbnvbrfnjkrb (im so sorry)

There's also this line:

The ally thing is kind of given, but why and how isn't this guy talking shit about dark Cacao? Like, he has EVERY right to! but he's not.... its almost like he cares.... and sure he mentions the generation thing but just because your parents were friends with some dude doesn't mean you necessarily like them right? so what gives??

Then there's the matter of Dark Cacao Cookies SON:

who is DArk CHOCOLATE

now Dark Chocolate usually doesn't have any milk/dairy in it, but it DOES need a fat, which whole milk DOES have!!

So, in theory, it would make sense for cacao and milk to make chocolate of some kind, AND it would account for Dark Choco Cookie having a lighter skin tone than his father (lighter eyes and the double white hair streak too)

I also like the story implications outside of cannon:

two people who would generally not be allowed to be in a relationship due to differing status keep a relationship going for years behind the backs of their communities

Dark Cacao Cookie taking full responsibility for taking care of their son, only for everything to become too overwhelming and he begins to remove himself from everything emotionally, wanting to give his son over to his other father to be properly taken care of but can't due to the dangers that poses for everyone in his family

Dark Choco nearly kills him and Dark Cacao has to exile him and (because of a mix of psychological manipulation, grief, and regret) locks up the citadel, leaving Whole Milk Cookie out of the picture entirely

Whole Milk Cookie stews in anger due to everything that's happened and Dark Cacao cookie not taking proper care of their son but eventually falls into guilt as well because he saw the signs of stress and overworking from his partner and didn't step in, assuming that everything was fine (but is still mostly mad at Cacao because he REALLY fucked up and it's not an excuse)

Gingerbrave and the crew comes strolling up and gets the citadel open, and Dark Cacao admits to Dark Choco that he didn't care enough and that he should have done things differently, and that he loves his son. Dark Choco leaves the cookies of darkness and begins a journey of recovery while Dark Cacao vows to do better for his family and kingdom in the future.

Dark Cacao meets up with Whole Milk Cookie to truly apologize to him, admitting everything he's done wrong and that he should have done far, FAR better. He tells WM that he deserves better than him

Whole Milk is obviously still angry and will never forgive Dark Cacao for what he's done. but he still loves him despite everything and would much rather the two of them work together to fix things (not necessarily romantically, more just not hating each other wise) moving forward instead of breaking things off and stewing in grief and anger.

The two of them take things extremely slow and carefully because it's been a long and difficult process, but they, eventually, get back to where they were.

Their recovery process takes years, but by that point Dark Cacao has improved himself exponentially, wanting nothing but the best for his partner and kingdom (and now knowing exactly what NOT to do) They also eventually find Dark Choco Cookie and fix things with him, but that's a whole other can of worms I'm not going to open here.

Just generally a story of two very different people, who despite goin through unimaginable hardships, do their very best despite the circumstances. they love each other more than even they realize and the fact that they are able to fix what was broken by their own hands is a testament to that, despite all of the arguments and tears along the way.

TLDR: Dark Cacao fucks up, his husband is mad but still loves him because he knows him better than anyone else, Dark Cacao actually makes an effort and succeeds to be much much better, and the two of them eventually figure things out. An unlikely love story :)

Ok, wow, that was a lot and kinda sad. But there are a few thiings that i couldn't fit into the rest of this so imma just stick them here:

Whole Milk Cookie finds Immense joy in picking up his husband and throwing him across his shoulder like some kind of really important sack

Whole Milk calls Dark Cacao "Cacao bean"

Dark Cacao loves Whole Milk Cookies cooking to a stupid extent

Dark Cacao loves playing with his husbands fluffy hair

the two of them will often help each other do their hair because they both just have SO MUCH of it

Dark Cacao, despite popular belief, is a flustered mess around his husband and can very often be found blushing like a madman whenever Whole Milk uses his strength

these two have the ABSOLOUTE WORST bedheads. Like, Cacao HAS to braid his hair before going to bed because otherwise the two of them will wake up tangled in it. And Whole Milk will just have an untamable afro.

uhh anyways. thanks for coming to my ted talk

[commenter2]

Scrambled Eggs review

We get to see the Hotel crew interacting without Alastor for a change, while Alastor meets up with some old pals when babysitting the Eggs.

There are Razzle and Dazzle, I was wondering where they were after the first episode.

With this being Hell, Pentious’ paranoia and want to defend himself must be common with the people. Maybe if there were less demons with asshole or perverted personalities we’d see that. Plus if this continues HH and HB is going to become like Family Guy and depend on that kind of stuff for every joke.

We finally got a name for the scientist from the pilot, Odette.

Carmilla Carmine, an Overlord centered on weapons. Her introduction could lead to some interesting fights.

Vaggie is kind of right, just because someone flips you off, doesn’t mean they want you dead. Niffty on the other hand is someone you should always worry about as she will likely want to do more than murder you.

It’s another example of how we wouldn’t have gotten the storyline if it happened, but I’m surprised Charlie or Vaggie (mostly Charlie) didn’t bring up the idea of having the Eggs join as part of the Hotel’s staff. They look like they could try and aid in cleaning and repair.

I also do like that Charlie didn’t, as so far I’ve seen a lot of examples where Vaggie sacrifices more in the relationship, so I’m counting this as an example of Charlie taking Vaggie’s word/side.

They made the famous Alastor pic of him eating deer into an animation!

BTW with his room being part swamp and the writer’s love of making memes, how long before we get a Kermit the Frog joke from this? If the writers ever decide to do that, they should get YouTuber DevilArtemis to help since he knows a lot about Kermit :)

Another change in Al’s voice when he said “that’s a lot less fun”. Now thinking back to the last episode, Vox had something similar going on with his voice so maybe it’s a common trait for sinners like them but I feel like that is a too simple reason for Alastor of all characters.

Another example of Charlie’s reality altering illusions. Did I ever mention who I think she could fight in an episode of Death Battle?

Is Vaggie afraid to lead people? It is an interesting idea but we have seen her doing just that before, though I guess those previous time could be considered “angry outburst/feelings”. I am one of the people who thinks Vaggie is a former Exorcist and if there is the slightest chance that is true, I could see this being a reason why she left. A bit off topic but going back to something I said in my Overture review, this also would have worked for the alternate idea of how it was common for Heaven losing Exorcist every year till now, as maybe they “lost” some because they quit during/after Exterminations.

Technically Husk did catch Angel, so there is trust their but annoy him and he’ll stop helping.

IDK how to describe it, but its nice seeing the fun art style that Angel and Cherri were drawn as in the pilot return for Angel, Husk, and Pentious here.

With the situation you and Hell are in Charlie, any progress should be considered good.

So that guy’s name is Zestial Modre. You think he talks that way because he is chronologically very old, or just for effect as I’m guessing he’s the Overlord of Fear? You think DC Comics/Warner Bros. would be okay with Vivzie if she gave Zestial a power similar to Scarecrow’s fear gas or have his full demon form look similar to Parallax, the emotional entity of Fear? Viv worked with Disney for a bit, so I bet Warner Bros. would be okay if it meant getting one over their rival company.

If you turn on subtitles, one of the Egg Bois is named Frank. I recall it being said that the Eggs are cloned from an original Egg, so could Frank be said original?

Sure Al, nothing suspicious happened during your break.

Not even the Eggs know about the name thing.

An Overlord meeting! 

I recall Zilla being tall, but not THAT tall. Also does any still ship her with that guy she was seen with in the pilot, the one who was laughing at Charlie and said they should leave?

Nearly everyone in Hell has sharped teeth, so how is Rosie any different Frank?

Apparently the VA of Carmilla is also a dancer, fitting given how Carmilla looks like a ballerina. Also as LK Yusei Fudo would say, “what is up with her hair”?

“Older generation vs. never generation” trope. How long before Velvette makes a “okay boomer” joke?

The Exorcist severed head! Didn’t see that coming! 

Now apparently there are theories of Lilith being disguised as Rosie, which I could see, but I do want to point out that she was shocked at the severed Exorcist head. Lilith seems like a kind of actor, so she could have acted being surprised but it’s still something that should be pointed out.

Looks like Zestial agrees with me that it’s possible that something else could have killed the Exorcist. Also that it sounds like he IS very old, maybe even older than Sir Pentious.

I’m wondering if this scene could help later on if there is a future scene where people blame Charlie for moving up the next Extermination, but then Alastor and maybe the other Overlords defend her by revealing the severed head. If it means preventing Charlie from having a “all is hopeless” scene then I hope it does.

It is interesting that the sinners are divided about if they should use the knowledge of knowing Exorcist could be killed to fight back or wait till they either learn more or to not risk having the whole Pride Ring population be wiped out. Both sides make sense but also have their flaws.

Looks like Angel and Cherri have some competition with Zestial and Carmilla for the title of number 1 BFFS.

“Respectless” is my favorite HH song so far. Really love how it switches between opera music and rap.

HOLY CRAP ODETTE AND CARMILLA ARE RELATED!!! THIS is going to be fun and lead to some interesting discussions, like is she (and the other girl Odette is always with) adopted or did Carmilla and the others die and get sent to Hell around the same time?

Again I get that this is an M rated show, but the series is already good enough that I don’t think it always need to rely on extreme violence and NSFW stuff, as it kind of killed the mood after seeing what happened in the next see. Again, Family Guy.

WHY! 

Another example of why the “Vaggie is a former Exorcist” theory could be true.

I bet Vaggie has been dreaming about thrown Angel to his doom XD.

Liking how Charlie said there are other ways to solve things, going back to an older comment about her and Lilith having different views of how to make Hell thrive.

I’m going to count this as Charlie and Vaggie’s first fight, but at least it’s a good one since its just Vaggie being mad at herself of her lack of leadership and Charlie being mad (more annoyed/concerned) of Vaggie unnecessarily blaming herself.

Confirmation that the other girl (named Clara) is also Carmilla’s daughter.

So Carmilla killed the exorcist. OR MAYBE she witnessed who really did and had to promise to not tell or else something bad would really happen to the point being the fall gal would be a slap on the wrist in comparison.

With Carmilla being against fighting Heaven, I wonder if she could become a potential Hell based ally of Charlie’s in the future. They both want to protect the people they care about from Heaven so I don’t see why not.

Vaggie’s line of “There’s so much I wished that I could say”, is ANOTHER possible hint at Vaggie’s Exorcist past.

Another great song, showing how similar Carmilla and Vaggie are, which again could help in making a future alliance between the Hotel and Overlord.

Yeah I shouldn’t be surprised that Alastor is going to keep the Exorcist info hidden, since he loves chaos. Also a possible an ally of that Roo character, who is on my list of possible characters being behind everything.

Again, Charlie and Vaggie are cute!

It’s adorable to see Pen sleep with the eggs like an actual snake.

SEE! THE EGGS CAN LEARN!

“character not realizing the dumb/innocent/etc. character is actually talking about something real and big to the story” trope.

I’m late bringing this up, but does anyone else think there should be end credit segments at the end of SOME episodes? I mean thanks to movies and videogames it is a surprise when there aren’t any, plus it would have been fun in some cases. Maybe they’ll do one for the season finale.

That was great episode! We got Overlords, great songs, hilarity, and some big reveals.

I really like the idea of Carmilla being a mother, as it adds more to the “always serious businesswoman” vibe she gives off. I’m also hoping it leads to pics where her daughters spend time with their “Uncle Zestial”. Speaking of which, he was a good new character to look about, reminds me a lot of Jack Skellington with a pinch of DC’s Scarecrow with his interest in fear.

We also got news about the dead Exorcist and while I’m okay if Carmilla did kill it with a weapon, I still like the idea of how she is taking the blame or else she will suffer by the hands of the true culprit. It also brings up the drama as the Vs could make this worse for everyone if they decide to get people to fight the Exorcist. At least if they do and fail, Charlie will no longer be the target of the sinner’s anger.

Nothing that bad besides that one creepy NSFW scene as it was annoying that it happened after a pretty big scene.Leave your thoughts about the episode below.

[that-darn-clown]

okay, sad ask now.

Henry and William's childhoods!! (plus how they met each other)

Henry:

grew up in a Very rural town in Utah (not Hurricane). like we're talking most people are farmers and there probably isn't more than 100-200 people living here. considering the time period (late 30's-early 40's), makes sense.

this poor guy's bio dad sucked. like he was horrible.

has an older sister named Jen :] (< canonical to the books, i'm sure)

he had only a few stuffed animals growing up: Teddy (bear, obviously), Theodore (rabbit), Dawn (chicken; technically a rooster but Henry didn't give a fuck), and Cooper (fox; fell apart often because it was the oldest of all the toys).

those lil guys would become his inspiration to make the OG Freddy's Gang.

he shipped Teddy and Theodore together, despite growing up heavily religious. he'd just check around to make sure no one was watching them and then he'd go "hehe now Kiss :3"

well. time for a bit of Projection. so like. Henry's Transmasc. now uh while doing some research because i remembered that there are some things that can cause facial hair (or "abnormal hair growth," as some sites call it where women grow hair on places where they either aren't supposed grow much/noticeable hair or any hair at all) in women. did some research, might have PCOS but with more...milder symptoms? idk because some of the symptoms/signs aren't things that i deal with personally. but the hair and the acne stuff matches up and we'll leave it there for now. but anyway, so there's that: Henry starting growing some facial hair (coincidentally a few months before realizing that. he May not be a girl, actually), and because he thought it was cool and because well he's already kind of a social outcast anyway so why not am i right? he decided to keep it.

dad got thrown in jail for fighting and almost killing someone in a bar fight, and his mom remarried. stepdad was much better :]

got his interest in mechanics and robotics from old sci-fi movies and having to fix stuff like his bike and some of the electricity and wiring in the house (mostly 'cause it Sucked).

time for college came around, and well...his stepdad knew some people who were willing to help with his transition as much as they could in like the 50's-60's. got his boy some top surgery, what technically would count as a "fake ID" (Henry and his stepdad would call it an "updated ID," though. which in a way they aren't wrong about), and then sent him off to college!

he 100% gives off the vibes of going down the "weird "girl" who later discovered they weren't a girl at all" to "goofy but Very autistic father" pipeline. i accept no criticism on this, he just Does.

yes he is a furry. Fredbear is in fact his fursona.

William:

hoo fucking BOY did this guy's parents SUCK.

like if you ever wonder why Rewrite!William's Like That as an adult, you've just got to look at his childhood.

his parents were distant and neglectful At Best, and physically + verbally abusive At Worst.

unfortunately for him, something that certainly didn't help matters was that He Was Autistic As Hell. sensory issues, couldn't understand social cues to save his life (still can't, tbh), and just in general was...odd.

some would've called him "eccentric," maybe. had an odd interest in rabbits, in drawing. he was always rather quiet, staring in an almost unnerving way at the walls or just on someone by accident. but mention anything he enjoyed, and he'd talk your ear off.

despite all of this, he was well-loved by teachers. charming lil guy, y'know? not exactly popular with most of the other kids, though...but effectively a Teacher's Pet, pretty much. not that he minded much, either; "If they can tell me something I haven't already heard from my parents, maybe I'll start listening." (< something that concerned the Fuck out of his art teacher once, fun fact!)

used to cry a lot as a kid; got him bullied often :(

parents were rich, and he had a lot of siblings (three sisters and two brothers; loved each other but acted rather distant :().

after a lot of begging from Will, on his 6th birthday, his parents got him a pet rabbit (mostly because they wanted him to shut the fuck up about it) that he named "O'Hare" (familiar sounding name, ain't it?).

and God, did that kid love that rabbit. took the best care of him he could. played with him with whatever spare time he had. he adored O'Hare.

of course...William never had the best luck as a child. when he was eight years old, a couple of friends of one of his older brothers had come over to hang out. they had found William drawing while talking to O'Hare, decided to mess around a bit, and...well, they were a bit too rough with the rabbit, we'll put it that way.

despite his brother getting rightfully pissed at those two for y'know. Killing His Brother's Pet Rabbit, even if it was technically an accident, and trying to comfort his brother, William is inconsolable.

of course, not that his parents understand that this isn't something William's just going to get over in a few days; they're just pissed off and annoyed that their son won't stop crying (to give an example, something his father said, "It's just a stupid rabbit, William! Now stop your whining and bitching!").

of course, William never really got over it that quickly. he practically closed himself off, escaping into doing art to ignore his grief and give himself something to distract himself. and he starts drawing his dead bunny as a new character: this time, as an actual hare. and anthropomorphic. look, William had been watching old Disney cartoons and Looney Tunes, also as a way of comforting himself. and maybe he got inspired a bit...maybe a way to immortalize his old rabbit. heck, who knows, maybe he could become an animator and rival Walt himself!

or, maybe, as he starts drawing and thinking more and more...a way to become his old rabbit? (< aka William is a furry. and a therian. maybe even ockin? well uh....if it works as a coping mechanism, then it works, i guess?)

at least...until his family discovered his sketchbook. and decided that the Best Course Of Action is to send their clearly grieving son to a BOARDING SCHOOL. when he was NINE.

and we ain't talking about a "teachers are kinda strict and you're expected to keep your grades up" boarding school. we're talking a "you will get your ass beat for something as small as accidentally dropping your PENCIL" boarding school.

because their other option is probably taking him to a psychiatrist and having to deal with the public humiliation that having an openly mentally ill family member at that time would cause (which gee guys, I WONDER WHOSE FAULT THAT IS?? I WONDER WHY YOUR SON HAS ISSUES??).

so they send him off, and uh. that goes as well as you'd expect: the letters are practically constant, talking about William's ever-worsening behavior problems. at first, he just clammed up and kept to himself, and anytime it came to corporal punishment, they mention that he hardly ever flinches. then...it got worse. he'd have breakdowns, usually at bedtime, and it would wake other students up. he'd get violent with bullies, not even caring for the consequences. he was always closed off, only ever happy during an art class. even stranger, despite the behavior problems...his grades never suffered. they don't understand it.

eventually, when he's fifteen, they send him home. they decided "yep. we're not dealing with him on the Teenager Hormones. he's Y'all's problem again." (< ignore that this is taking place in England)

his behavior problems? never get any better while he's still at home: his emotions are volatile now. he's sad? everyone in the damn house is gonna hear it from his bedroom. he's angry? hope no one was attached to that glass cup he was holding, because it's broken now.

the family just decides to move over to America (i'd say maybe either Virginia or NY. don't ask why, those are the vibes i'm getting), because i think they're starting to realize They Fucked Up Somewhere and decided maybe a change of scenery would help William. It Really Didn't, But They Tried.

when he turns 18, they just buy him a car, give him a bunch of money, and send him off into the world; "Go to college. Or don't. We don't really care what you do at this point, we just don't want you here."

he just scoffs and decides that he'll go away. far away for college, somewhere where his family isn't breathing down his neck and he can just be himself, and just try things out. see what sticks.

not really like he wants to stay here, anyway.

(this man is also Not cis. probably some flavor of nonbinary. or even some form of rabbit/hare xenogender, purely 'cause it would fit. he'd like it/its pronouns and neopronouns, i'd think)

and now, fucking finally:

College:

they both only really found out that they'd been assigned as roommates when Henry finally arrived at the room. it was. an awkward first couple of hours.

they found out that they had pretty similar schedules, and a lot of the same classes, and. Well, Ain't That Convenient!

William goes back to being his old eccentric self, a rather dramatic man. he and Henry both took a drama class, but for different reasons (William because he could just be himself and Henry so that he could come out of his shell a bit).

they both found out about each other's fursonas and expected the other to go "ew cringe" but. they both found it pretty cool! (it definitely made Will happy, considering he'd been called a weirdo for that his entire life)

then pretty shortly after that they looked at the fact that they both had some. creative ideas with those fursonas and other characters, and while William originally went with the "let's make an animated cartoon show! :D" (which, keep in mind, was his original childhood plan), Henry thought about the fact that they were both in some mechanics/robotics classes and went "actually, I have a better idea-" and that's how the idea for Freddy's/Fredbear's was originally born :]

Henry came out as trans to William and his (at the time) girlfriend, Claire, because he had decided to keep his flannel unbuttoned and Claire saw his top surgery scars. after a couple of minutes of nearly choking on water (because Henry literally decided to start his explanation with "Oh, these are from where I got my breasts cut off-" and it caught Will so off guard), William basically went "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S SO COOL????"

also, final fun fact: these two Have explored each other's bodies before. in college. it's how Henry discovered he was pan and how Will discovered he was bi. just a fun fact for you :]

and there we go!! finally done :] gotta go eat now see ya later bestie enjoy these

AAAHH being like "aw my poor bois :[" and then stumbling upon They Have Explored Each Other's Bodies is maybe the best experience of my life lmaooo. I really like them being early furries. The internet comes out and they join a furry chat room and are like "holy shit chat are you seeing this" (if they had just stayed normal and not. Ya know. Done murder by then)

But yeah ough. My sillies...

[crazybutgood]

20 fic writer questions~

I'm procrastinating and feverish and in pain, so I figured I'd distract myself and finally do this,, thanks for the tag lovelies @the-francakes (x) @lumosatnight (x) and @orange-peony (x)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

44 including origami, fics, a mixture of those (all mine and also collabs), and podfics

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Noo this would be a bitch to calculate

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I used to write for the HP fandom

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

You Light Me Up

I Just Want You to Know (collab with @sugareey-makes-stuff)

Language of Love

[FIC & ART] Heart on Your Sleeve

Kuch Meetha Ho Jaaye

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try!! But I often fail. Reasons: Partially sometimes I get overwhelmed and/or am too shy and dk what to say, but mostly it's because I am so so incredibly burned out

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Damn,, idt I have one. I do HEAs! At least in fics, and so far

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All are happy I think,, and omg how does one quantify and compare happiness?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope! Like reading it, actually incapable of writing it

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't! Idk if I will! There is one published novel one that I want to read tho omg ;-; ok sorry going off track

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I sure hope not :') But to my knowledge no

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah with Krissy! Linked in question 4. We didn't even know it was each other haha cos it was an anonymous epistolary exchange but ye it was fun

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Don't ask me that!! There's lots of ships to love, and idh the same ride or die (or any, tbh) feeling for my previously main one anymore. Goes to show that it just changes with time (maybe this current answer will too!)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SIKE I don't start things I know I won't finish (involves an elaborate planning procedure, ask @getawayfox ) and once I start them I push through it even if I have to drag myself crying (I'm insane I know)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I love writing dialogue, and some people have told me it's nice, so I shall go with that!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ohh loads I reckon,, I'm going to stick to sharing run on sentences and can't write long plots. Cos I have to do lots of academic writing and copywriting, and that's going pretty steady, so idw to break that and spiral by thinking too much about this :') esp cos idh much time and energy to write fiction rn

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Yes if done right! Like you do things to make sure you don't throw off those who don't know that language and like make it part of the flow. And/Or footnotes! I've done dialogue in Hindi in my fics, and I've written an entire one in a script play format in Hindi too for @curlyy-hair-dont-care

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HP

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Listen :') I have mixed feelings about my writing, so I genuinely can't answer this

Tagging @andithiel @curlyy-hair-dont-care if you wanna do this, and anyone else who hasn't and wants to as well!!

[uniiiquehecrt]

Thor Odinson

tagged by : @beheworthy bc i would ALWAYS like 💖💖💖

Give me a fictional character and I will say:

Favorite thing about them: His big dumb hero's heart. His compassion. How much he loves his home, his people, his family, his beloved, his friends — how much he loves.

Least favorite thing about them: //stares pointedly at his inability to form meaningful connections because Thor is Not Allowed to be Not Okay (even when it's obvious and people he loves asks him to share his heart).

Three things I have in common with them:

I am, myself, an elder sibling!! And one whose younger brother was/is someone I am incredibly close to, care a great deal about — that entire drama is very close to home for me.

A passion bubble for friends and family that's, on occasion, close to the surface... but otherwise am chill 👍

and .... bunt out golden child syndrome vibes. Especially that vibe of "do it on your own and put on your leader face at all times, because all eyes are on you, good luck"

Three things I don’t have in common with them:

His ... overly reserved nature. I've been told I can be serious but I don't think I brood the way he does.

One day I will be nearly half as eloquent in my speech outside of writing 🙏

The way that Thor is able to just command a room???? Goals. Total goals. I'm either very good at directing conversations or shaky at it and I wish I had Thor's level of confidence.

Favorite line:

"i would rather be a good man than a great king."

OR ALTERNATIVELY.

"is that why everything's on fire~?"

BROTP: Brodinsons 100% . Then the entire warriors + sif squad dynamics! I'm forever sad we never got more of them all together. Then Heimdall, because Thor deserves positive mentor figures in his life. (and as far as the avengers proper go: Thor/Steve absolutely deserves more recognition they were the og duo as far as Age of Ultron is concerned and y'all , we've all been sleeping.)

OTP: Fosterson ! :D They're adorable star-crossed lovers, and he loves her very much. (and she feels the same for him !)

NOTP: if i see (1) more fan art of thorki in the thor tag i will scream. I guess also bruce/thor and valkyrie/thor exist ...??? I'm not really sure who Thor's exactly shipped with in the MCU besides Jane.

Random Headcanon: One time I considered the thought of little!Thor being exceptionally friendly with his kitchen staff servants, and because he's a strong little guy, he'd pick up giant barrels 3x his size and lug them around just because he wants to be helpful. And he'd do it with or without the prize of getting snuck goodies (though he would definitely prefer the goodies, were it up to him.)

Unpopular Opinion: I'm not sure if this counts as an unpopular opinion exactly, but I do always find it interesting that in the Frozen Vault Scene in Thor (2011), what the cinematography and editors show us that sets Thor off is seeing the dead einherjar...

And I'd actually say that this triggers his anger more than the interruption of his crowning ceremony.

So with that in mind, I'm not actually sure that (most of) his rage regarding the situation was about the coronation at all, in that case. At least, not in comparison to the fear he states (semi-subtextually) about being strong enough to maintain Asgard's borders were. ("They know you are vulnerable.")

He actually seems to only be upset about the coronation AFTER Odin makes it very clear he's decided to change his mind and rescind the crown from him entirely ... which only further fuels the point that Thor isn't ready. (aka: the one thing Thor is keenly aware of, scared of, and is scared the Frost Giants also know.) Which, you know, he's not at that point in time, but I don't see a lot of people talk about the details of that particular inciting incident all that much.

(honestly the ENTIRE text and subtext of the frozen vault scene absolutely FASCINATES ME so maybe I'll do a deep dive on it one day idk)

Song SONGS I associate with them: ... //looks at my 5-minutes-until-13 hr playlist uh...

Glowing, Boreas, and Rounds by The Oh Hellos

Plant Life, The Real World, and Bird with a Broken Wing by Owl City

No Sanctuary by UNSECRET (ft. Sam Tinnesz and Fleurie)

Afterglow and Places by Portrair

Paper and Ink (fosterson) and Everything Changes in Time (brodinsons) by Madds Buckley ... also Hoping on Another Life by Madds Buckley

Favorite picture of them:

//pulls out my entire dark world screenshots folder bc are you really going to make me choose, quirks, are you really going to make me choose

soft beautiful 🥺🥺🥺🥺 precious boy ... give me more of that poncho look tho thanks

Tagging: @darkwee009 for pinkie pie or for kirby ! :D whichever you'd like more, friend !!!

[mssf-milk]

For how long you have been a sinner of chans ?

Finally I have the time to answer this ask thank god

CW: HUGE RAMBLE INCOMING

As you may already know, it all started with DEFORMOGRAPHY, a fic that I stumbled upon on complete happenstance, searching for Sans/Reader fics to indulge myself in. The tags shook me, but I was intrigued enough to open the work. And I loved it immediately. Some scenes in it managed to greatly disturb me, which made it very memorable. This fic introduced me to an idea I've never thought about before.

After that, as I usually do with things/ideas that catch my interest, I started searching the world wide web for more stuff to satiate my inquisitive mind. I found art on Pinterest, found more fics centered around the idea of a human tormenting the short funny skeleton man, but eventually the fire calmed down. I even forgot about it for a while.

But it lingered. I'm not sure if the idea wouldn't leave my head right from the start, or on re-read, but after reading all the similar fics to it that I could find, I realised that

It still.

Wouldn't.

Leave.

I HAD to see more of this. And so about I started writing something. Not sure when, but probably in April or March. The first draft(??) I was writing was quite different from what turned out in the published work. The idea was the same, but the execution was different, you know? Maybe I'll post it someday, if I manage to find it and think it isn't cringe or something idk. The first attempt was mainly done to get it out of my system, because by god I cannot exaggerate how FERAL this concept made me. I remember shaking from the dopamine bro.

Eventually, I picked it up again and started over, which happened in May, this time approaching it more seriously and deliberately (even though at first I'd procrastinate on writing a lot because of perfectionism). After a lot of mulling over the different ways I could execute this concept, and thinking over the possible plotholes, the first chapter was eventually posted in August.

Fun fact: What if I told you that I wasn't interested in necessarily Chara/Sans at all? That's right, to me, the concept and the whole idea came before the ship itself. In a different timeline, there's probably me, writing a fic for Frisk/Sans or Sans/Reader, just with the same premise. It's just that when making those character sheets for fun, I brushed away the possibility of "The Human" in question ever being Frisk (because of their kind personality), and so just filled it in as "Chara/The Human". It eventually lead to me thinking of the Human being specifically Chara and no one else, and removing the possibility of it being a reader-insert at all.

(Huh, I should post these sheets I was making during that time here someday)

Side note: this is also why wholesome and good Chans content is... I do like it, but it's not what I'm looking for, you know? I'm here for the messed up no good dynamics full of misery. Yay!

So... end of the line is, I do not know.

Does it count from ever since I got hooked by the general idea? From when I started writing my own? Or only from when I solidified Chara as Sans's "lover"?

I guess it's up for interpretation.

[aizenat]

Idk i was following a lot of yuri on ice pages back during its airing and the conversation i saw was whether the show was gay since nothing was explicit. It wasn’t them saying it was absolutely straight but rather whether we gay people (because yes it was lgbt ppl debating this) should see it as gay rep considering how underwhelming it was.

It was a rehashing of the “We never got in text confirmation of dumbledore being gay so do we count him as gay rep” convo. The internet struggles to understand that two perspectives can be true at once: yes gay ppl exist and aren’t walking around making sure everyone knows how gay they are, but at the same time given long term censorship of gay depictions in media of course some gay people may not look at that as representation since it’s NOT explicit and there is enough room for one to argue that it’s not gay.

THAT was when the theory/claim that it was censured because of Japanese laws of when content like that can air (despite the anime airing in the middle of the night in Japan). And then yes, the interview with Yamamoto confirming that it was censored. I think the problem was in marketing because Yuri on Ice was originally marketed as a sports anime. And while sports anime has tons of yaoi fangirls shipping men together, they’re notoriously hetero. And that was why the gay spin between Victor and Yuri didn’t work and why the studio shut it down. Just my take anyway; I have no proof of this and I doubt a studio rep would confirm it. But you’re right that it seems more like a studio censorship issue not anything to do with Japanese laws.

Either way, all that just to say that this WAS a conversation happening in good faith by ppl of all different backgrounds. I wanted to comment op because I saw you sort of do the same thing James got called out in his video, which is make claims that are difficult to prove given these conversations being lost to time, and specifically zero in on a demographic that you’re claiming is causing hoopla over this. And as that Todd fellow kept repeating, maybe you just saw things I didn’t? And vice versa with what I saw that you didn’t see. But this is the thing we need to be mindful of.

I didn’t see ANY straight men, especially the 4chan sort, watching and insisting the show was straight. I saw a lot if lgbt people seeing a situation where homosexuality is implied but not specified. And so we were asking “uh does this count?” And people, well intended or otherwise, passionately declared it was because “Japanese art is subtle” and cultural relativism and other more valid reasons. All the while another group argued back that it wasn’t because it was the mid to late 2010s and we deserve better more explicit representation that doesn’t have us hunting for clues to someone being gay, which was also valid.

And, again, because the internet cannot understand that those two points can exist at the same time, James decided it was straight white women making that claim because, lbh, they make up the majority of yaoi fangirls online and so it’s easy to lump them in as the trouble makers and everyone would believe it because they’ve done it before so it’s a reasonable assumption. Let’s learn from hbomberguy’s video and let’s not repeat this behavior by claiming it was another group that we can point the finger at without definitive proof.

Also, just gotta say, as someone who was There: the vast majority of the people who insisted Yuri on Ice wasn't gay (and it was a minority for sure, but they were there) were men. Like... weird anime 4chan and Reddit dudes who for some reason watched a show about about handsome men figure skating and kissing who were offended that people thought it was maybe kind of Actually Gay.

There WERE one or two people that were mildly well known in the fandom that identified as women who were weirdly pushy about Victor and Yuuri just being really really REALLY good friends and nothing else, but that was out of thousands of women who loved the show and fully embraced what it was. I never encountered any hordes of straight female fans trying to no homo it, and I was in DEEP with that fandom.

(Also, IIRC, Sayo Yamamoto did talk about how she had to fight for the kiss scene to even make it into the show, because the higher ups weren't comfortable with it, but that's, you know... an attempt at network censorship and not actual Japanese law threatening to arrest anyone who animates men kissing and shows it on TV before 11PM. This was years ago though, so take this with a grain of salt!)

[g0deatgod-archive]

So now what should I do? I'm strung out, addicted to you. My body aches, now that you're gone. My supply fell through // When you made me feel joy it made you smile, But now I feel your stress. Love was never meant to be such a crazy affair, no, And who has time for tears? Never thought I'd sit around and cry for your love

You're Not Here

[louiszeastronaut]

“𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎... 𝙸 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞” - Tom Riddle x y/n

Note: So basically, I took the dialogues from a scene in Little Women, when Laurie proposes to Jo, but she rejects. Then I replaced the two characters with y/n and Tom. I tweaked some sentences in the dialogues, and wrote the sentences outside of the dialogues with my own words just to make it fit the story... I haven’t finished it (3/26/21 I guess I finished it?) because I wanted to know if you all think I should continue or not. Idk what this is man lol.

Warnings: terrible grammar and punctuation mistakes :)) Word Count: 1,447

March 19, 2021

    “Penelope married” you said aloud.

    “Nanette of to Europe.” there was a brief pause between you and Tom.

     “And now that you’re a graduate you’ll be off on a long holiday” you continued, panting as you walked down the sloping hill.

    “I’m not good like Padma, so I’m angry and I’m restless.”

    “You don’t have to stay here y/n” he suggested

    “Why?”      “Should we run off and join a pirate ship?” You joked, turning your attention back to him, grinning at yourself. You peered at him just after laying your eyes on the orange and red maple trees that lie so vibrantly, and vastly ahead of you. Then you saw his solemn face. And yours fell into a yearning grave of its own.

    “No. No…”  you stared blankly at him, knowing what he’s hinting at.

    “It’s no use y/n” he reached for your hands, but you neglected it and pulled away “Y/n we’ve got to have it out…”

    “No please don’t-

    “I have loved you ever since I’ve known you y/n I couldn’t help it!”

    “Tom… no-

    “A-and I tried to show you, and you wouldn’t let me, even though I struggle to show it to anyone-

   “But I must make you hear it now, and give me an answer because-” he said through a weighted sigh, “Because I cannot  go on like this any longer y/n!”

   “No..”

  “I gave up the dark arts, I gave up everything you didn’t like, I’m happy I did. It’s fine. And I waited and I never complained!” He cried aloud, spectacles of tears starts forming in his eyes, then rolling down his pale cheek.

    “Cause I-“ he paused, face angry and flustered that he’s showing his rather pathetic side to you, and letting the fact that he’s showing this just to profess his love, is absolutely harrowing and ludicrous! Even for him. But he can’t seem to hinder himself away from it, nor does he feel like he has to, because at this point he had to finish what he didn’t originally appointed to say.       “Cause I figured you’d love me y/n!” He yelled.

    “A-and I realized I’m not half as good enough-

    “No! Yes you are!” You exclaimed back.

     “And I’m not this great man, and-

     “No! No Tom, yes you are!” “You are.” He stopped talking, catching his breath so you finally had your turn of say.

     “You’re a great deal too good for me” you say as you pointed your finger on his chest, nudging it reassuringly. “And I’m so grateful to you. And I’m so proud of you and- and I just don’t see why I can’t love as you want me to“ you pleaded. “I don’t know why”

       “You can’t?” Tom asked in a whisper, his eyes darted away as you hear the echo in his voice.

       “No… I can’t- I can’t change how I feel. And it would be a lie to say that I do, when I don’t”

       “I’m so sorry Tom-“ your eyes still fixed on him, you could see him thinking, biting the insides of his cheek. “I’m so sorry” you repeated more imploringly. “But I just can’t help it…”

        “I can’t love anyone else y/n I only love you” he admitted

         “Tom it would be a disaster if we were married, okay?”

         “It wouldn’t be a disaster!” He argued

          “We’d be miserable-

          “GOD BE A PERFECT SAINT!” He yelled

           “I CAN’T! I can’t! I’ve tried it- and I’ve failed!” you exclaimed, your words trembling in the end. You realized you were staring directly through his cold grey eyes, used to be full of depth and sudden rupture, but now clouded with his blinded feelings that you can’t help but hopelessly deny. Both of you let the words hang over the air for a while...

           “Why does everyone expect it then?!” He continued, “Why does your family and my friends expect it?!”

           “Why are you saying this?! Say yes-“ he nudged his hand forward, offering you something you have stubbornly refused many times in this feud “And let’s be happy together.”

          “I can’t say yes truly. So I’m not gonna say it at all. And you’ll see that I’m right eventually and you’ll thank me for it“ you explained grabbing ahold of both his freezing hands in front of you, making sure he understood where you’re coming from. Your clutch loosened as he writhes away from hands.

         He breathed out more heavily than before, head shaking, headspace nowhere to be found. He was tired of rambling and letting his words foam out of his mouth. It was quiet for a brief moment that it felt like everything around you suddenly vanished, and you two were left alone with only your souls crying out to be heard by the other. The air was taut and quiet, that you noticed his uneven breathing patterns, and only then you recognized that your heart was beating the same way. Beat. Breath. Beat… Breath… Beat…..

       “I’d rather hang myself then realize this y/n.” He broke the silence.

        “Tom-“

       “I would rather be dead.”

       “Tom don’t say that!” you bellowed wearily. He put his hands in his pocket and started walking away. You could see his jaw clenching, you’ve learned from your time spent being with him that he does this only when he’s angry. But, not like this. He’s still trudging even more further down the hill, his shoulders bouncing as gravity pulled him down, so you had to catch up.         “Tom, listen...” “You’ll find some lovely accomplished girl!” you say as you flailed your arm in the air, then reach up to grasp his shoulder from behind, while resting your other hand on his tensed back. Only to find him tearing his arm away from your touch, rather harshly. You felt his hurt. You felt guilty for ever making anyone feel this way. Especially if that ‘anyone’ is him.

        “Who will love you and adore you, and- and she’ll make a fine mistress for your fine house! But I wouldn’t alright?!” 

        “Yes you would y/n...”

        “Tom. Tom- look at me!”  “I’m homely, and I’m awkward, and I’m odd!” 

         “I love you y/n....” Tom said in a monotone voice, watching you play out and degrade yourself as what you think your negative qualities are, just so that you could point out to him why you think you two shouldn’t be together. 

         “And you’d be ashamed me of me-” you added

         “I love you y/n.” He interrupted, repeating the same words but more clamorously this time.            “And-and we would quarrel, we can’t help it even now!!!” you shouted, later noticing how unapologetically you sounded. You wanted to keep talking but you decided to stop to catch your breath first. You could feel the burn rising in your throat from yelling, but you continued on.           “I’d hate elegant society, you’d hate my scribbling... and we would be unhappy, and we wished we hadn’t done it! And- and everything will be horrid-” You ranted. You opened your mouth again to say something but decided against it. Now, you’re looking down at the ground as you think how you might’ve made the situation even worse. You can’t imagine what Tom’s feeling right now... for all you know this was the only time he has ever confessed his bigger emotions that you didn’t know he had.                  “Anything more?” He inquired, laying his eyes upon you after looking away for a few seconds.            “No...” you answered,“Nothing more...”

          “Alright.” He whispered while nodding simultaneously, clenching his jaw again. He hiked up the hill slowly, dragging his feet along the sharp grass.

           “Except that-” you appended, not knowing what choice of words you should declare next. As you searched your thoughts, asking your own brain to form the correct words, Tom shot his head back quickly. Bobbing his head along as he approached you again, as if he was waiting for you to say that you might feel even the slightest bit of devotion that you are willing to give to him in that tethered heart of yours. Unfortunately for him, still, that’s not what you’re after.

       “Tom...” you started “Tom- I don’t believe I will ever marry...” you dismissed through a forlorn scoff, admitting this to yourself and to him for the first time because you believed that that’s where your fate have destined you.         “I am happy as I am, and I love my liberty to well to be in any hurry to give it up”

       “I think you’re wrong about that y/n...

       “No...

        “I think you will marry y/n.” 

        “I think you’ll find someone and love them, and you’ll live and die for them because that’s your way and you will...

        “And I’ll watch”

(Finished?)

[arcsin27]

Alright I got this, though I… have technically never played the game. I beat the third palace, watched let’s plays, watched my brother play it…

Hmm idk… I did really like Rens death. Idk about least favorite

Akechi is the best fictional character ever. Uh I never finished her social link but Kawakami bugs me in multiple ways

Absolutely 😳

Idk, probably not but I would

Oh lord. Ren maybe?

Well… I was bullying her while watching my brother play yesterday, and it got worse when he explained her backstory (I missed that part), but I realized they needed someone to be an experiment for Maruki didn’t they? So they created Sumire for this im guessing. Not to say that’s all she did, just that id understand why she’s here if im right

I am constantly going feral over shuake, that’s the good shit. My otp across all fandoms deadass. Least favorite ship…? I don’t concern myself with that really, maybe others with akechi because I’m weird like that? Or Ren and Kawakami? No clue, I just don’t care ig

Black mask akechi is so fuckign ugly I spent a good two minutes roasting him to my brother yesterday. The others are all pretty good! Violet, Joker, Panther, Noir, Prince Crow… Do Sophie and Wolf count? Eh, I’ll just pick Joker for this, he’s really hot lol

Absolutely. She seems so fun and interesting. Thank god she got so much screentime in the sequel

…even if I had finished the game, I’m bad at social links and would’ve missed half of them. Cant answer this

Mishima best boy ong. I’ve already said I don’t like Kawakami but at this point I just sound like a hater, she just annoyed me a bit from what I saw that’s all! Hmm… I’ve heard no one likes Ohya let’s go with her lmfao

Oh god, idk. Vanilla was probably a bit more cohesive, but it didn’t have the Akechi dates… and yet it did have that hilariously amazing Rank 8 Justice… dude idfk, I’m leaning towards vanilla out of nostalgia i think. Also it played last surprise at appropriate times heyo

I will die on the Ren personality hill idfc. I have talked about it before. He’s a jokester. He’s sarcastic. He’s a masochist. He’s caring. He loves crossdressing. He doesn’t take anyones shit. Etc

Idk, didn’t play… maybe the fanservicey stuff

Well “honey I’m home” is legendary, as well as “case closed this is how your justice ends” but idk if they’re my favorite. I also don’t know my least favorite, never played

Ren Amamiya! It’s the most common one in media, and I’m pretty sure it was confirmed canon when it was ported recently? If you change the language his name is set to the default, Ren. Also it sounds nicer, and it was used in the tv show that I actually liked and saw before I ever read the one (1) comic that calls him Akira (which I’ve actually never read lol)

Okumuras gets dunked on a lot. I’ll join the bandwagon even if I didn’t get that far lmao. Best, I’ll go with Sae. Didn’t get there either but casino go brr

Does strikers count? Loving wonderland 👌. Idk any others

Yes. Oh my god. Even my shumako-shipping brother calls his social link events dates. He obsessively inserts himself into Rens life and invites him privately to tons of cute little places and activities lmao. And bro. Rens wish. Oh my god.

Yeah I could see it. Not a big ship of mine but I’d totally believe it, and I’ve reblogged some cute art of it!

He seems cool and has an interesting motive but I haven’t played or watched this part before

…shit. My brother thinks it was cruel, but I see Rens point. It’s fake, and they’re being manipulated. And yet they’re happy… goddamn idk dude

Well… I know in the bad ending we see him being friends with the PTs and playing chess with Ren, but it’s hard to know if that’s because that’s what he wanted or because that’s what Ren wanted (especially since I can’t remember the context of his personality change in that scenario). If that’s not right, probably just a scenario where his dad wasn’t awful and he has a few close friends that don’t need him to be perfect to love him

Lmfao! Maybe Ren mentioned a friend that wanted to fit in better and Maruki connected the dots? Idk to reiterate I never saw the third semester

I was kinda thinking that she did recently… in the first palace she was strong, vindictive, cold, yet also kind and loving. But when I saw a bit of third semester yesterday, she seemed like the usual dumb blonde joke? Idk, I do like when she was smart and powerful in her own ways back in the beginning

Reply to this post/message me your answers to any of the following:

Favorite and least favorite moment/scene/line from the game

Favorite and least favorite character from the game

If you think Xander Mobus gave Joker a hot voice or not

If you ever paused the screen just to listen to said voice (🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️)

Who you think is the gayest member of the Phantom Thieves

If you enjoyed Sumire’s inclusion or not

Favorite and least favorite ship(s) in the fandom

Who you think has the best and worst Phantom Thief outfit

If you think Haru had too little screen time and if she deserved more

Favorite and least favorite Social link

Best and worst Confidant (outside of the PTs, Akechi, and Sumire)

If you prefer Royal or Vanilla

If you think Joker was given a personality or not

Most useless scene/aspect of the game

Worst and best line

Which canon name you prefer for Joker

Best and worst Palace

Best and worst Palace theme

If Joker and Akechi’s interactions feel gay or nah

If you think Ann is gay for Shiho

Opinion on Maruki’s character (if his inclusion was done well or not, his status as a antagonist, etc)

Whether Joker was right to break his friends free of their perfect realities

What you think Akechi’s perfect reality would look like (unless he’s too jaded to have anything of the sort)

How the hell Maruki knew Morgana wanted to be human (this one’s mainly a joke lol but feel free to answer anyway)

If you feel like Ann’s character significantly changed after the first two arcs (this one is especially important to me because I feel like she did but I wanna hear y’all’s thoughts. I still love her, though).

[yuneyn]

fanfic writer tag game

Tagged by @a-still-small-vox, thank you!!!

What’s your all-time favorite ship? I can't say I have an "all-time" favorite because I tend to go from hyperfixation to hyperfixation... but some of those who stay with me are Promptis (FFXV), Kurodachi (Cherry Magic), Lawlight (Death Note), and since I fell into Kamen Rider recently I should add Ryusen (Build), Shouphil (W) and Ankh/Eiji (OOO)...

How many works do you have on AO3? 38 but one is a collab for which I only wrote one tiny chapter.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 377,780 words.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. Unintended - Death Note, Lawlight fix-it that starts in the Yotsuba arc 2. You can hear it in the silence - Cherry Magic, Kurodachi fic set post-canon because I just wanted more food 3. Something just like this - FFXV, Promptis modern AU filled with extreme fluff 4. I'm still yours - FFXV, Promptis fix-it 5. Tomorrow - No.6, Nezushi pwp... honestly not sure why this one is so high lol, it was my first work in years back then. But I guess it's soon going to be taken over by You electrify my life, a Promptis fic that's a lot better.

Do you reply to comments, why or why not? Always, even though I'm not always the fastest to do so and I feel very repetitive in my replies, but I always want to say thank you.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Well that's definitely If I'm dead to you, a Death Note one about L haunting Light as a ghost. It's super angsty and definitely doesn't have a happy ending, even though it is somewhat bittersweet.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? Lmao, all the others?? Idk, I guess maybe the ones that end with proposal/wedding, so that would be I'm still yours (FFXV, Promptis), Something just like this (FFXV, Promptis), I want you for a lifetime (Cherry Magic, Kurodachi) and Let's tell the truth, just for once (asking for an answer) (Kamen Rider Build, Ryusen) Yes I know I do proposals a lot and guess what - I'm writing a Shouphil fic (hopefully) so that's not the end of it.

Do you write crossovers? I want to say no, but does planning on writing a Kamen Rider one shot collection that might have the guys from Build, W and OOO interact at some point count?

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Hate, no. I did get weird comments sometimes, about like top/bottom dynamics which I don't care about so I was like, cool, whatever?

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? ...I do. A lot lol. But it's usually part of the overall plot, and even for the fics that are a bit more pwp, it's still more about the tension and relationship between the characters than the act itself (which I honestly don't really care about) So it's pretty vanilla, with a lot of teasing and/or bickering depending on the pairing.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I can recall?

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes!! I've had one of my Death Note fics and one of my Cherry Magic fics translated into Chinese and it made me so happy!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not really co-written, but I did a few fic/art collabs with @ikathemadhatter on Death Note fics and that was awesome!!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I don't have WIPs on AO3, it stresses me out if I can't finish. Usually if I post a WIP I have to be certain I'll finish it. I do have a RP on hold and I feel terrible about not being inspired already aaaaah.

What are your writing strengths? Eeeeh I don't know. As someone who is prone to self-deprecation, this is a hard question lol. I guess introspection, and bickering?

What are your writing weaknesses? Description. Omg I hate it. Also coming up with an elaborate plot that's not just an excuse for my faves to get together lmao.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I am partial lol. I have seen some weird French stuff sometimes that were there to look cool/classy but as a native it just sounded odd because it obviously came from a google translate thing. If you're bilingual, knock yourself out. Otherwise, there's always a chance someone native of that language will read and feel weird about it. As for me... I don't think I will do it. I hate writing in French, and I'm definitely not good enough in Japanese to try it.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Soooo that was Stargate SG1 back when I was like 15, very badly written fics in French posted on old geocities websites haha.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? I don't think I have a favorite (and I'm also very bad at picking one thing anyway), but... I guess I really like You can hear it in the silence (Cherry Magic) because it made me super happy when writing it and I had just gone through a super dark phase... which, speaking of, If I'm dead to you (Death Note) was written during my dark phase, and as it turns out I really like it too.

I tag... @stickers-on-a-laptop, @ikathemadhatter, @kurosawa-sun and uuuh I don't know, anyone who wants to do it can do it I can't remember who I am following on tumblr I'm not around enough lol. Of course no pressure either!

[hellonoblesky]

School got me worn out so here's my team dynamic HCs

It's Kaeya, Xingqiu, Diluc, and Ayaka atm hngjfhgdjfg

Kaeya

This man is so tired, Archons please let him rest

Has to pick up his week's paperwork from Jean every Monday when we go to Mondstadt to buy food supplies and stuff before fighting Andrius, gets to work on it while Diluc and the Andrius team go at it

Actually is the person who keeps the whole party safe, has pulled Xingqiu away from ledges while he's reading more times than he can count, makes sure everyone has food at all times, and keeps the schedule in line

Has a flask of Death After Noon that he keeps on him, has to actively keep it away from Xingqiu because the kid's curious

He is so tired he is the reason the party only gets up to leave at like noon because he sleeps in

Thinks he's good enough at hiding his anxiety that no one else has noticed

He is not, they've all noticed him shaking visibly at high speeds in 90-degree weather and the kids will do their best to avoid fraying his nerves on a bad day

Very kind to Xingqiu and Ayaka, kinda like a cool uncle? Buys them things even though they can afford it

Kinda lets the kids do what they want and chat while he keeps them safe and the whole party on their way

Absolute tank, balances his skillset out so he can manage most threats alone, no one has to get hurt, they can just travel, it's fine it's fine

Pretends to casually bring up stuff the kids want to do (after meticulously making sure the party would be in the right place at the right time)

"Xingqiu, we have time to kill, care to show us to the Wanwen Bookhouse? We can see if they have the next issue in that book series you're always reading! :)"

"Ayaka, you wanted to try some Liyuen cuisine, didn't you? We have a dear friend who just so happens to be a chef at Wanmin Restaurant! And since we're in Liyue anyway, we should swing by, shouldn't we?"

He tries his best to find something Diluc wouldn't mind doing too! Usually, Diluc turns him down but Kaeya has scored on occasion!

"C'mon Diluc, you can't have lost all your taste for reading, right? I hear Inazuma has some interesting books nowadays, what with all the isolation..."

Basically, he just tries his best and is so tired please let him rest

Diluc

This man is angry all the time but he doesn't mean to be. He's just unnerved because he's basically back to hunting Fatui in other nations. He just isn't alone this time and the Fatui aren't the focus

He's so annoyed that they don't leave until Kaeya wakes up, actively in denial about the fact that he himself wakes up only an hour earlier and everyone else is waiting for much longer

Runs right into danger all the time please someone tell this man to calm down he is the reason they need so much food

Does and takes a whole lot of damage at the same time and it stresses Kaeya out so much

Was not Pleased to find out he'd be stuck traveling with Kaeya, puts up with it because he can't bring himself to turn down the Traveler's request. Because in his eyes they're just a kid trying to find their family and he really can't turn down their plea for help in

Gets along surprisingly well with Xingqiu, they both enjoy reading, and often recommend books to each other! Diluc has no idea Xingqiu wrote Legend of a Sword, but the only reason for that is that he literally forgot the book name

"Hmm... in Mondstadt we have this book, The Fox and the Dandelion Sea? For a traditional Mondstadt fairytale, it does remind me of Inazuma, funnily enough. There are versions of the book that are watered down for younger children, but if you have the time I'd recommend the full novelization."

"Tales From the Waves? No, I haven't read that. Is it good?" ... "A novelization of an old ship captain's life? That does sound interesting... I'll pick up a copy when I can"

Gets along well with Ayaka as well, they both appreciate the arts and such so they talk about that

"In Mondstadt we don't have nearly as many festivals as they do in Inazuma... but when we do they're quite the occasion, and very dear to people's hearts. There would be rioting in the streets if the Windblume Festival was postponed..."

"Oh Mond has its fair share of dance traditions, but they fell to be a staple of the Lawrence rule, so not many traditional dances remain... although if you wish to learn more about them you could ask Kaeya to introduce you to the Knight's Recconacance Captain. She doesn't like me very much"

Is the one person who actually doesn't realize that Kaeya is anxious All The Time, literally could watch him shake uncontrollably as Venti walks by and think it was his Vision acting up, he has all the pieces to put the puzzle together but has lost interest in it

Xingqiu

Top ten reasons the party gets sidetracked, number one: Xingqiu finding a book and getting so into it that he doesn't notice people

Actually besties with Ayaka he thinks she's really cool!

Top ten reasons why Kaeya actually gets to sleep as long as he does, number one: Xingqiu jumping up and yanking Diluc's hair when he tries to wake him up

"You're 22 you can go get breakfast by yourself, my leige"

Infodumps about his books to the whole party while they're eating dinner regardless of if they're listening or not (they are, they always are)

Pulls out relevant trivia out of nowhere?? Like they'll be stuck in some ruins and Xingqiu just

"Hey, you know this specific style of ruins are known to be built with metal hatches that always lead to escape routes :)"

Or like

"Oh yeah, the coloration in the animals is different here because the plants in Inazuma so often have purple and blue pigmentation, and Inazuma is so naturally isolated, that the animals adapted to get their pigments partially from the foliage!"

And no one knows how or why he knows this much but he Does??

Also, knows everyone's favorite bird for some reason and talks about them, why? Idk I think he'd like birds!!

"A peacock? Oh, I've never even seen one of those! I hear they're lovely, but a little noisy. Sometimes we get feathers imported for design reference at the Feyun Commerce Guild though!"

"Umbertail Falcon, right? Ohh I hear they can be very loyal, right? Ahh, so that's why yours flys down to check in on you? That's lovely! Owls? Oh yeah, those are cool birds, you know their feathers are fanned out just right so they're entirely silent while flying!"

"Herons? Oh yeah, that's what your title is, right? Graceful... I think they're more stealthy, very good at waiting to strike. That's how they hunt, you know? Just being patient and stealthy, then striking. That's also why they're so graceful standing there all the time!"

Bummed that he's the only person in the party without a bird as his constellation tbh, but he's alright with it because he's got books!!

Mentioned Albedo and Kaeya almost choked on his food, Xingqiu thought this was hilarious

Routinely plays pranks on Diluc and occasionally manages to pull a deez joke on Kaeya, leaves Ayaka alone with the pranks though because he knows she's new to all of this

Ayaka

Oh this poor girl, Lumine just dropped her off with Mondstadt's most dysfunctional siblings and a kid who reads at the speed of light and said have fun

Really gets along well with Xingqiu!! Having someone with a somewhat similar background is definitely a relief, especially because Kaeya and Diluc intimidate her, what with them arguing most of the time they interact

She recognizes the anxiety in Kaeya (because she also has it) so she's a little more comfortable approaching him because of that

She's happy to talk about Inazuma's ruins and is fascinated by Kaeya bringing up similar ruins in Mondstadt and Liyue

She really appreciates him remembering what she's interested in and making time in the day for it!

Diluc on the other hand?? She has... some idea how to talk to him? But?? He is either aggressive or glaring off into the distance at all times, and she's been around long enough to know that he doesn't mean to be like that but it's still unnerving to her

However, she Can talk to him! She is still a little confused because he constantly sounds so grumpy, but she's realized that he's actually really good at listening, and is absolutely willing to talk about Mondstadt traditions! Because she does really like to learn about other nations

Plus, she can go to Xingqiu to answer most of her questions!

"Xingqiu, I- I hope this isn't an odd question, but ah... how exactly do you get used to Kaeya and Diluc? I don't think I've quite figured it out yet..?"

"So in Liyue... the Merchant stalls are on the docks? Like Ritou but it's all on the docks? Interesting..."

"You're the second born of the Feyun Commerce Guild? Oh! Forgive me, I thought you were the eldest, my brother handles most international relations..."

It was really hard for her to adjust to the team, just because of how ragtag it is most of the time, but she's got it by now!

She actually kind of likes the scrappy chaos! She hasn't completely gotten used to it all but she finds it like kind of a break from having to uphold her image at all times

Top five Ayaka quotes and who she said them to:

"They fight a wolf ghost every week...?? Are they ok??" (To Kaeya, about the Andrius team)

"So this is Morax's old... dragon friend...??" (To Xingqiu)

"Wait, you do this every week?" (To Diluc, about the domains)

"Oh!! Oh it is spicy!!!" (To Xingqiu, about Xiangling's cooking)

"Ah... OH! Yes um I uh- *gay hand flip* ?? Is that right??" (Xingqiu was talking about Chongyun)

Also the party went to Dragonspine and Ayaka was actually really interested in Durin because she didn't know that other nations also had odd giant dragon skeletons

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Expanding into my other Fandoms (I’m gonna have to take a stance) Read the whole thing please.

One of my oldest and most beloved anime is Inuyasha. As of late I have been binged watching the hell out of it as I am getting my BFF into different anime shows. We are really close to entering the Yashahime part of the series, and she asked if I planned to write fanfiction involving the one character which made me even watch the show as a 10-year-old.

Sesshomaru

The first episode I ever watched involved this aloof, entitled dog fighting his brother over the sword in their father’s grave. Specifically, it was part 3 of that whole episode series were Kagome pulled out the sword. I at the time had 3 dogs of German Sheppard/wolf hybrid, they were MASSIVE dogs, fell in love with the big white fluff that was Sesshomaru’s demon form. I use to sneak staying up and watch the show faithfully to see the goodest boy as it was only on at 11pm EST on adult swim. Which meant it was bad and I was breaking the rules, I felt like a rebel.

Now I hesitated answering that question. She has no idea of what is in Yashahime, she is being careful not to spoil it so I told her I didn’t know. Recently, to find out what the feel is for Sesshomaru content, I looked into the tag on tumblr…

OH MY GOD.

Sesshomaru’s tag is FLOODED with hate. Like every four post, there is hate, distain, and attacking happening. As someone who watches Yashahime, I quickly knew why.

Sessrin.

Even now I sigh. And I sigh HARD. I am not for, nor am I against the Sessrin train. Same for the Sesskagu train. I think both sides need to look at things on a logical prospective. I plan to do just that. I know I will get hate from the either side and maybe some support as well. But if I am going to do anything in this fandom (as I like doing ships and reader inserts) it will come up.

So, like my Kaiba post, and my Sebastian Heel post, I will use my research skills as well as my COLLEGE DEGREE WHICH HAS BOTH ART AND MEDIEVAL HISTORY labelled on it to explain why this progression in the story is normal to anti-Sessrin fans and why this isn’t a crime by story standards nor should we look at it as a crime.

AS WELL

Explain to Sessrin fans why it is so weird for non-shippers to see it play out and why so much hate formed.

As I let out another sigh, we shall begin. Let’s start at an historical prospective. (Links at the bottom).

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING! I’LL BE ABLE TO TELL!

~~

I will start with the information I can access right away.

While finding charts on the life-span of common folk in 1590’s Feudal Japan is rather difficult, Ancient.edu states that the average lifespan was about 50. To put this in perspective, the average lifespan of Europeans at the time was somewhere between 40-45 with the latter being rare. Since most of us reading are not from Japanese descent, I will through Europe in this first.

If we look at the same time frame of 1590, we are looking at most of Western Europe had now entered the age of Renaissance. According to sources from Learning Resources in association with the National Gallery of Art, marriage was not what TV drama’s from HBO or Hulu depicted. By today standards they would be a crime, as the average age for marriage of an adult female was age 14…

The reasoning behind the young marriage age had multiple factors. First being, females were considered an adult once they were menstruating. Birthing also proved to be fatal, and since the lifespan was at best 40 and 45 if they were lucky, there was really no room to wait. Also Europe at the time had became hugely focused on making sure blood lines were legitimate, meaning to ensure the girl was a virgin, the moment she was able to reproduced she was married off. Those they married were not young teenagers either. Most marriages, a man would be in their thirties, and had probably multiple wives as women died more than men when not counting the battle field.

To make matters worse for the Renaissance Lady, these marriages would leave many young males unable to marry and if their husband died in battle, well, unfortunately they were not seen as desirable. This was due to the idea of a ‘free woman’. Should the girl not have a father, brother or uncle to return to as they too died, a widow had her freedom. But that freedom came at a cost. She would be assumed to have slept around, and in many writings, such as the Canterbury Tales, where Geoffrey Chaucer writes about a Window on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land survived her five husbands and the men in her family. In short, she was made to be a slut and to be looked down upon as no man controlled her.

The point of talking about Europe is because that is something most of us Non-Asian or Japanese people consume and like to paint in large romantic brush strokes of knights and magic. Honestly, reading G.R.R.Martin Song of Ice and Fire, he uses this model as we see the Queen of Dragons, Danny start off at age thirteen shortly after she had her first menstruation.  

Now let’s look at Feudal Japan.

As stated before, the lifespan was around 50 years. In some populations, this was even shorter. Nagaoka, Hirata, Yokota and Matsu’ura’s on demographic data at the Yuigahama-minami area in Kamakura, Japan and found both male and female remains that suggested life expectancy to have ended around age 24-25. This was largely due to living conditions and public health. In areas like these, it would make the most sense to marry and repopulate quickly as the expectancy of life was half the national average at the time.

To my frustration, I could not find a clear marriage age for Japanese women at the time of the edo period. HOWEVER, where there is a will there is a way. I took a look at famous Lords or Daimyo’s of the time. The average age of marriage of their wives was between 12-14. Much younger than I expected, but it made sense considering this is a time where war ran the show and marriage was strictly about political gain. One of these Daimyo’s was Masamune Date, who was also 13, but then as he got older took concubines who became considerably younger than him as he became older. The goal was to have as many children as possible for hires and for political marriages to gain power.

Now lets look at Inuyasha the MANGA

Lets get the manga timeline proper here. The whole adventure took place in 11 months, a month shy of Kagome’s 16th birthday. Doing a few estimations, Rin would have travelled with Sesshomaru about 8-9 of those months. But before we get into the relationship, lets look at something the ANIME made a huge mistake with in the beginning and tried to fix as the story went on.

For some reason I could only fine gifs for the Early appearances of Sesshomaru so bear with me.

Early appearances in the manga

 ^ He was so fickle and a trickster then...

Now early apperances in the anime.

Later appearance in the manga

Laster appearance in the anime

Notice the issue here? 

Sesshomaru was CONSIDERABLY younger looking in the start of the manga. In the anime, he started off looking like an fully adult male. But as the anime went on, they tried to make Sesshomaru look younger with subtle changes to his jaw line, eye size, and his height. Yeah, his height had changed. They made him shorter.

While in the manga, we see this young-teen looking demon, slowly mature over 11 months to look like he is in his later teens and by series end, closer to being in his late teens or twenty. Yes, art changes over time, but the anime went a reverse route. I can only guess they spoke to the author of Inuyasha about her ships, as they did Drama CDs, and realized the mistake that was made in making him more mature than he was.

You can’t tell me he doesn’t look closer to his manga self in the final act, because he does.

Since we are on the topic of the anime, lets be clear. The anime timeline and manga timeline are very different. The story in the anime (in the English) suggests that OVER a year has past since Kagome started her journey. They try to fix this in the final act, but it was still so muddled as previous seasons are to be taken as cannon. This could have been due to an translation error in the early production when the anime no longer had anymore manga material to reference. But whatever the case, for English viewers the time the group spent together felt much longer.

So now we come to the heart of the issue.

Because of the mistakes of the anime, a lot of anti-sessrin see the relationship as father daughter. I’ll be honest, watching the anime and solely the anime as a teenager and as an adult (as the manga was on hold for a very long time due to author’s health. I was in college when it finished.), I too thought it was just a father-daughter relationship and Jaken the nanny who got punched all the time. In fact, the English took hard liberties with Kagura, as the English dubs often do with characters, and made it very clear her feelings for the demon lord and Sesshomaru very much recognized them (though he never responded). Even in her death scene, it felt as if he was saying good bye to a friend more than love interest. But who really knows, as there are things that point otherwise.  When another demon mock’s Kagura’s death, Sesshomaru gets super pissy.

The manga did also play with this fact when it came out in English, idk if the wording or message is different in the Japanese. Translation errors happen a lot even in todays releases, look at Kuroshitsuji.  So of course most anti-sessrin’s did not see this coming in Yashahime when Rin was named mother. In fact it felt like a betrayal as we were sure Sesshomaru had no romantic feelings.

Then there was the Kohaku/Rin mashup that was hinted left and right. The English anime, with its overly dramatic and blunt emotions made it appear one way. That in the end the two kids would probably be married. Then the anime as a whole made Sesshomaru older than intended. I can see why and understand how this became a problem.

On the other side of that coin.

If you followed the dub, seen ‘Swords of an Honorable Ruler’ and read the manga… Sesshomaru was not fatherly to Rin at all. In fact, Jaken picked up all of that leg work. Rin worried for Kohaku, but clearly loved Lord Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru cared about Kagura but he almost CRIED when he lost Rin.

We have to remember that Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship must have been very hard for the demon. While we never see his mental process expect for a few rare times, we have to remember he hated humans. In the movie, he blamed a human for the early death of his father, Sesshomaru killed without mercy. It made sense that he wouldn’t be fatherly to Rin as her just being there should have caused countless inner conflicts. Hell, he even says his father’s weakness was humans, and look who picked up that trait.

Sesshomaru was designed to, someday, walk in his father’s footsteps. So sess/rin, not a surprise. Also when you see it in a historical perspective, Rin having kids around age 15-16, makes sense. In fact you could argue he waited too long for the time period.

We also need to look more at the manga when concerned with Yashahime. 8-9 months is all Rin travelled with him and he was like hold up, and left her at the village because he KNEW she needed to come to her own conclusion. That no matter what she picked he would live with and protect her. Unconditional love on his end. She cannon wise spent YEARS living with humans and MONTHS with Sesshomaru. Again, by manga standards of cannon.

Now I can already hear the screaming about age and what not. Some sources say Sesshomaru is over 900, by the rule of thumb, if we look at anime and movie releases, we have Sesshomaru being over 500 with no define age and Inuyasha around 270 years old being more pinpointed due to the movie. Just by going by ANIME CANNON. Kagome and Inuyasha, you have a 15 year old with a 270 year old man. If you say being pinned to the tree doesn’t count, then you have 220.

Also, here is something very interesting. In the episode where Inuyasha meets the unmother, he tells her, thinking it was his mom, she died when he was very small and we have flash backs later in the series of him being small running from demons. Demons clearly age much slower than humans, even half-demons. Inuyasha can be 270 but mentally and physically be 15, the same logic works for Sesshomaru, who in the manga is not much older than Inuyasha.

In the manga, there wasn’t any grooming, in the anime, there was a ton of mess-ups but no grooming.

Would this fly in todays world? HELL NO! NO, its gross, she’s a kid. Stop.

I know any fanfic I write will lean heavily on the side of father/daughter because that is what I grew up seeing on the screen. I can’t think of Rin as an adult because years of seeing her as a cheerful little girl. It’s like seeing G.O.T Arya about to have sex for the first time in season 8… I remember when she was a kid on the show. It was way to weird and I had to look away until it ended. But that’s my 2021 mentality.

But Inuyasha is not taking place in 2021. Feudal Japan is a whole other era with its own beliefs, morals and way of life. Those who understand this have nothing wrong with them. They just understand history.

Also, just to bang some nails in…

Anyone remember Bleach? Remember the MOST accepted couple was Ichigo and Rukia…. Rukia who was hundreds of years old and Ichigo who was 15… or Ichigo’s mom who was a teenager and his dad also hundreds of years old.

Most of this also boils down to Sesshomaru being a dude. As in reverse roles in animes its accepted and they don’t have the same historical context. Inuyasha is based off of historical context of Feudal Japan.

We need to stop spreading hate. We can’t accept some forms of literature because its European fantasy but bash other fantasy based literature for doing the same thing.

Sure, its weird for those who were use to seeing the father/daughter dynamic. Yes, there are extreme sessrin fans who post really questionable illegal content when they decide to leave Rin as an 8-year-old…

But this wasn’t ever meant to be perverted. The story was meant to make sense on a logical and historical base.

I hope everyone takes the time to read this. I love Inuyasha, I love Sesshomaru. I am just sick of seeing so many people fighting over what should be the revival of a beloved series. While yes, there is still room for sess/rin not being a thing, until it is stated otherwise, why hate each other? This fandom will only lose people by doing this. Calling people names or accusing them of illegal endorsement can hurt someone these days over social media.

Tumblr allows you to block tags. You don’t have to read anything or watch anything you don’t like. We gain nothing from attacking each other but can lose so much by doing so. Fanart, really good fan fiction, friends, ideas, sharing fond memories. Both sides have the right to feel as they feel, but no right in hurting each other.

A fandom is meant to bring people together. Not start a war…

Thank you.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ajpa.20402

http://www.italianrenaissanceresources.com/units/unit-2/essays/husbands-and-wives/#:~:text=Marriage%20not%20only%20reflected%20order,to%20ensure%20the%20bride's%20virginity.

https://www.ancient.eu/Canterbury_Tales/

https://www.ancient.eu/article/1424/daily-life-in-medieval-japan/#:~:text=Just%20as%20Japanese%20people%20today,in%20Western%20Europe%2C%20for%20example.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_Masamune

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megohime

[haliyam]

No matter what

eren x historia; yeager bro moments (or zeke wishes lol)

Summary: The time has come for Marley to choose its new Warriors, and Eren has a decision to make. (Also, "some things never change.") Warriors AU for erehisu day.

AO3 link if you prefer to read there

--

Happy erehisu day! I saw this amazing erehisu art by beforelightsout on twitter where Eren and Historia are Warrior candidates + Eren became a shifter. Since it's erehisu day and everyone has come out with such wonderful stuff, I wanted to contribute somehow and write something for that AU. I've been dying of work and a covid scare so I was running on the fumes of my love for this ship and everyone else's stuff and also VIBES while writing this in the last hour, so, it's barely edited, if it even makes sense. Sorry in advance. I hope you enjoy though! 

Also, for this AU (or really for the fic to work lol), my headcanon is that the war keeping the previous Warriors dragged on, so Reiner's generation don't get selected until they're this age (Historia and Eren are 17). As for Zeke... idk. Maybe Mr. Ksaver had more time too. Anyway who cares about Zeke here!!! (me I still do)

No matter what

“You know this counts as cheating.”

Eren shoots Zeke a look. They’re standing at the courtyard in HQ, watching the younger candidates wheeze through their training while Magath and his assistant instructors bark orders in the background. Days before selection, and with Zeke already holding the Beast Titan and Colt preparing to inherit, their generation doesn’t need to be put through their paces as often anymore—or maybe Commander Bruning is just letting them off the hook for the week.

They both doubt that. 

Up ahead, Falco trips over an unseen pebble, and Zeke sighs. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” he says, out of misplaced brotherly affection. Eren appreciates it, but that’s not what he needs right now. “You already have the armband.”

“This isn’t about me.”

“I know,” Zeke raises his hands in surrender, but the playful gesture doesn’t take away the scrutiny in his gaze. For all his levity, he doesn’t once glance away. Eren knows he’s seeing their father in him, trying to decide whether that’s a positive or a negative. 

“So?”

Zeke scratches the back of his ear. “You already know you’re in the running for the Attack Titan and the Armored Titan. Porco and Reiner are on your heels for the Armor. As for the Attack Titan…”

Zeke tilts his head in a shrug. Eren exhales, and then nods. “Thanks.”

His brother peers at him, a small smile curling at the corners of his mouth. “Thanks what?”

Eren is grateful, reassured, but not that grateful. “What am I, ten? I’m not calling you big bro.”

Zeke lets out a long-suffering sigh this time, the kind he uses to guilt trip the others into helping him with paperwork at his age. “You used to be such a cute kid.” He’s quick enough to reach over and ruffle Eren’s hair, and then withdraw before he can smack his hand away. “Now you’re all grown up.”

Eren rolls his eyes, but claps a hand to his brother’s arm in earnest. “Thanks, Zeke.”

The man gives him a thumbs up, and Eren belatedly catches a sliver of gold pass one of the windows behind the courtyard ahead of the other girls. His feet take him forward before he can bid his brother goodbye.

“Go on,” Zeke says, right as Eren catches himself almost sheepishly. He goes to her without another thought.

--

There’s no big to-do when it comes to the selection process. Apart from their generation of candidates, there’s only Zeke, standing to the side with the other instructors who assist the captain, while Magath and Commander Bruning themselves stand together, as imposing as the day they first met.

Maybe a little less now that they’ve earned their stripes, training for a decade with the extension of the war in the South, but Eren can feel the pressure of this moment bearing down on him. 

The others have been chosen. They stand at the other side of the room, putting on their most dignified expressions and trying to contain their shock at their commander’s question. 

“There remain two Titans, Eren Yeager,” said Commander Bruning seconds, maybe a minute ago. Eren’s mind is still reeling. “Which of them, in your estimation, best suits you?”

“Me, sir?” he had asked dumbly in response. Bruning had only nodded.

It isn’t supposed to happen like this. From the group ready to receive their red armbands, he feels Marcel’s eyes burning into his side. Marcel, who was pulled aside by Magath and Bruning earlier today. Eren expected the same treatment—not this. Is this a test? 

Porco and Reiner stand to his left, behind him because he’s stepped forward, and he feels hazel daggers ready to strike at his back. He doesn’t care about them right now. It’s the blue to his right that envelops his all. The air is replete with Historia’s expectation, drowning out all the others in the room. He feels weightless in it, a drop in the ocean that is her existence to him. 

Eren knows he could be more. If he gives the right answer, she might just see him as more.

But Historia isn’t the ocean to these people. She’s a tool, or she could be, and he cannot let that happen. Eren remembers the ground under his feet and peers into the commander’s eyes.

“If I may, sir, I believe Braun has always had the most endurance among the candidates,” he says clearly, just like he’s rehearsed with Marcel. He tries not to imagine the way Historia’s stomach drops. “Nowadays he takes Leonhart’s hits like they’re almost nothing. And for myself—I’ve come to specialize in close quarters combat. The Attack Titan would suit me best.”

Reiner sighs in relief not far from him. Porco and Historia are utterly silent. He can’t even hear them breathing.

Bruning and Magath seem not to notice. They only exchange glances, and if they think anything of Eren answering more than what was asked of him, they say nothing. 

After a few nods, Bruning turns toward them with pride. “It’s as we thought. I see no reason why we should delay for pointless suspense or further deliberation.” With a small motion of the commander’s hand, Reiner steps forward. “Congratulations, Yeager. Braun. You have earned the honor of becoming the new sword and shield of our great motherland Marley.”

--

The room erupts with excitement as soon as the Marleyans are surely gone from the hallway. Eren is already headed for the door when Porco tries to grab him by the shoulder.

“Eren, what the hell? You know this asshole isn’t better than me!”

Reiner sneers at him from behind before Eren can even shrug him off. “Apparently the brass knew different, Pock. Don’t take it out on Eren—he only affirmed what they were already thinking.”

Porco growls, turning on Reiner instead, which means it’s going to be one of those afternoons. Eren is happy to turn back for the door—he feels bright blue trained on him now, and it’s all he can do not to scamper for the exit.

Clutching the cigarette pack in his uniform pocket, he manages to get as far as two floors down before Historia catches up. She’s been calling out to him since she gave chase.

“Hey!” she yells. He was stupid to head for their usual spot. There’s a corridor in this building that’s gone unused for a while that they found, once, when it was their turn for cleaning duty. It’s been theirs since then, and one of the windows has the best view of the city right outside the internment zone’s walls—and the zone entrance itself. So they don’t forget what they’re supposed to do. 

“Eren!”

She’s starting to lose her breath, unable to match his longer strides. His footsteps start to slow, right as they reach that window. He turns around when hers stop too.

Hands still in his pockets, he stares down at her. “What is it?”

Historia glares at him, dignified even as she tries to catch her breath. “What the hell are you doing?”

Eren fishes out the cigarette pack from his pocket and shows her. It’s really Zeke’s, but he figured he’d need it after today. He isn’t wrong. 

She scoffs. “Since when do you smoke?”

“I’m going to be a shifter,” he shrugs. “It doesn’t matter much now, right?”

Historia shakes her head, smart enough to ignore the diversion. “Eren, what the hell was that? I thought… I thought we understood each other.” Always to the point. “I thought you and I would become Warriors together. Change things from the inside and convince the others to do the same.”

The truth of her confusion, her frustration and growing anger pulls at him. She’s everything she didn’t used to be, back when she was still playing the perfect little Warrior who unnerved him so much. It’s exactly why he needs to keep a straight face. 

“Ah… yeah. Sorry about that,” he murmurs, his tone completely level, fingers pinching at the cigarette pack in his fist. “I just gave it some thought, and… I think Reiner would be better as the Armor, not me. So—that left me as the Attack Titan.”

The pain in her eyes is almost too much for him. If only they were cold, just like she’d been the moment he saw her true self for the first time. That way he could crystallize himself in them and shatter instead of having to face her like this. But she hasn’t been cold for a long while, and the warmth in her gaze even after his betrayal does him in. 

“You’re lying,” she realizes the moment his gaze flickers away from hers. Eren curses himself for it. “You once said you could always tell when I was being fake. You think, after everything we’ve been through, that I wouldn’t know it with you either?”

Eren bites his tongue and forces himself to meet those eyes again. He reminds himself why he did it. It’s all that keeps his hands steady as he carelessly flicks the cigarette pack open and reaches for a stick. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Historia swipes her hand at his, knocking the pack from his grasp. It hits the ground with a pathetic smack. “Don’t lie to me, Eren!” she says, pleads even when she’s angry, because they’re friends, aren’t they? If only that were all she is. “You know I deserve more than that. Why are you doing this!? We were going to become Warriors together. We were supposed to have thirteen years together!”

She’s free to vent her frustrations in the hallway like they always have with each other, voice shaky and shakier still as the grief escapes her. By the time she mentions that number, Historia is on the verge of tears, but she blinks them away with the fury that remains. How unlike him, who wants to fold more than anything, feeling like the slightest breeze, the slightest word from her can knock him over. He can only stare at the ground as he swallows down the emotion rising in his throat, and that’s when he realizes it. She’s right, like she always is. He can’t stand lying to her. 

The prospect of having to utter his next words terrifies him more than the idea of paradise. But he manages it, because she deserves to know the truth.

“You know why,” he says, trembling only at the last word. Shamefully, face red with self-disgust, he lifts his eyes to hers, fearing the worst. 

She catches his meaning. Of course she does—she knows him best. He expects her to leap at him, punch him, anything that will make the guilt of his selfishness ebb even just a little, but she only stands there. Shocked, and then her cheeks flush in only the most beautiful way. He already knows he’ll never forget how the light from the windows illuminates her face like this.

But then her brows furrow, shoulders raising angrily, and she stomps her foot on the ground. “Am I supposed to be grateful for that?” she snaps. “Should I say thank you for making this decision without me? What about what I wanted?”

“No!” Eren stammers, hands up in submission as if that will placate her. “Of course not! I didn’t do this for your gratitude!” 

“Then why did you do it?” Her voice is still raised, but her tone is resigned. Historia knows that even if she gets the answer, Marley’s decision is set in stone.

That’s the thought Eren takes comfort in. The tears that dampen his eyes are tears of relief, no matter his shame, no matter his remorse. And here he thought he’d grown out of this when he turned sixteen. 

Pressing his lips into his teeth in an attempt to maintain his composure, Eren lets his gaze drop again. “I want you to live,” he admits, so quietly she almost misses it. “I want you to grow up and have a family like you wished you could, if you weren’t pushed into this when we were children. Get married, have children you’re free to love the way…”

He trails off. The last thing he wants to do is mention her mother. He knows she understands when she doesn’t press him to finish.

“I want you to grow old,” he continues. “Live past thirty. Get to fifty, seventy… Then you can be as grumpy as you want to be without anyone saying it doesn’t suit you. I want you to be happy.”

A slight hiccup leaves his throat, one Historia misses only because she does the same. Eren swallows it down, but his nose is already stuffy. When he looks at her again, he’s the most serious he has ever been, and it’s no performance. He reaches for her hands. 

“I’m not prepared to sacrifice your life for our cause,” he confesses. Eren imagines he could bear never to look out that window and see the walls torn down, the way they’ve dreamt together for the past few years, if it means she will live to see it herself long after he’s gone. He’s not articulate enough to say it, his ears and his throat so full with everything he wants to tell her in this moment that he’s speechless. How can he be otherwise, when she’s looking at him like that? All he can blurt out is, “I’m sorry.”

A silence brews between them. Eren wonders if it’s time to step away, to leave her to her thoughts. Maybe he can still beg for forgiveness later.

He loosens his grip on her hands, meaning to wipe his eyes, and that’s when she seizes his. “You stupid crybaby,” she murmurs quietly, fondly, “do you really think I’d be happy knowing you sacrificed yourself for me? Why do you think I promised you that we’d complete our mission within the next thirteen years?”

Eren can only look dumbfounded. 

“I wanted to spend them with you, you idiot,” she gives him, even as her voice quivers with the same desperate longing he’s felt ache in his chest for as long as he can remember now. “I would have been happier spending thirteen years with you, fighting together, than sitting out the fight and living the rest of my life without you. Isn’t that what we agreed on? To work toward what we promised? Together? What did you think I meant by that?”

Eren opens his mouth, body drained of the cool facade he’s found solace in the last few weeks since he came to terms with his greed.

“Historia,” he breathes. Remembers to. “You—?”

She’s had enough of him, he can tell by the look on her face—but he’s wrong again, because Historia grabs him by the collar and pulls him down to her, meeting his mouth with hers in a bid to help him see the truth. His fingers find her face on instinct, lips parting as they kiss so he can partake of her further. 

A moment, a hum from her and something stirring deep inside him, and Historia pulls away as if in punishment. She’s flush again, glaring until those blue eyes soften at his stupid expression. 

“Get it yet?” she asks.

His thumbs slide across her cheek, a small grin pulling at his mouth. She really is the ocean, Eren thinks, and dives in again, drinking of those soft lips, drowning in the scent of her hair, the feeling of her hands sliding down his chest. She’s everything.

What feels like both a moment and an eon passes as they stand there, him bent down as he kisses her, her tiptoed to grant it to him, until they eventually part. Only a little, because they can’t bear the distance just yet. Just so their foreheads are pressed together.

“I’m sorry,” Eren murmurs, before he’s lost in her again. “I didn’t know.”

Historia’s lashes flutter as she blinks away her own tears. This doesn’t change the consequences of the decision he’s made on his own, but she knows she can’t give him up, either. When she opens her eyes, she’s more resolute than he’s ever felt in his life. “There has to be a way,” she tells him. “Go to Paradis. Retake the Founding Titan… and come back. Then we’ll do as we promised.”

“Change the curse,” he replies, like they’ve planned, looking out at the stars from his roof in the zone. “Free our people.”

Historia nods. “No matter what.”

“No matter what,” he agrees. 

She smiles, and he can’t help that the way her lips purse when she tries to stifle it moves him. Eren draws closer—

“There you are!”

—and nearly stumbles as he and Historia untangle their limbs from one another, practically standing at attention when they hear his brother’s voice and Marcel’s surprised ah.

Unfortunately, not even the most perfect posture can erase the affection still blooming in their cheeks, or the slight swell of their lips resulting from that affection. Or the smiles they just can’t help for one another.

Zeke squints. Also unfortunately, nothing gets past this asshole. “Oh, so it finally happened?”

Marcel glances between the two of them, coming closer. “Seriously?”

Zeke snorts, palm open to the new Jaw. “Pay up, Galliard.”

Marcel scoffs. “Come on. Is it really fair if you had inside information?”

“Are you kidding? My baby brother tells me squat.”

“Oh. Yeah, I mean I guess I understand that…”

Historia lets out a very audible sigh. “Can we help you?”

Marcel meets Eren’s gaze, gratitude and apology in his smile, while Zeke tries on his new Warchief role for size. He clears his throat.

“Now that Porco and Reiner have settled down, Bruning and Magath want to see us again. Discuss our steps going forward, run tests on the new Warriors… The works. Time to go.”

Marcel sighs. “Talk about eager.”

“All right,” Eren says, finally, because he prefers serious Zeke to his annoying brother right now. He feels vulnerable enough, and he doesn’t care to be that way in front of these two. Or anyone else but her, really. “Lead the way.”

Zeke and Marcel turn to leave, starting to argue the terms of their wager as they disappear around the corner.

Historia and Eren look to each other. A shy smile finds its way to his face as he offers her his hand. 

“By the way, Eren,” Zeke pokes his head into the corridor again, finger waving at the mess of sticks on the floor, “you owe me a new pack of cigarettes. And clean that up.”

Eren groans. “Shut up!”

“But that was my favorite brand! The things I do for love,” his brother whines, to Marcel’s quiet chuckling, and finally they leave for good. 

“Sorry about that,” Eren mutters. Not that Historia hasn’t seen him like this before.

She only laughs as she accepts his hand. When she shakes her head, smiling as she pulls him forward, he feels like they might actually do it. That they might be able to find a way past those thirteen years.

And even if they don’t, he can’t feel regret. As long as they’ve managed to accomplish their mission… No, as long as he can ensure that Historia lives on, he’ll pay any price.

No matter what.

//

I'll take any opportunity to give Marcel more screentime. Well, I actually debated with myself whether it would be Marcel or Bertholdt in the last scene, but Marcel made more sense so that Zeke could whine about being an older brother to someone who could relate. (And yes, Marcel and Eren made a deal to have Reiner become the Armor. I’M SORRY REINER)

Writing Eren's parts made me realize how much I'm in love with Historia??? Like I've always loved her but I guess I realized I'm IN love with her XD Also my hc is Eren here likes to think he's the strong one protecting them both or he at least likes to project that image to the others, but really he takes his cues from Historia who is much stronger emotionally and mentally imo. Idk, I just think she's the boss in this relationship (though of course they are able to be vulnerable with one another which is the biggest thing for me).

Anyway. Thank you for reading! Happy erehisu day!

P.S. I forgot to mention that 'Commander Bruning' in my hc is the guy who tells Magath that it's a good idea to use child soldiers as their Warriors. I imagine he was in charge of a certain number of Eldian soldiers, including the Warrior program, while Magath was the 'captain' who directly managed the kids until his and Bruning's eventual promotions when they were able to conquer nations with such success.