#idk I think sometimes we forget people are allowed to not enjoy a piece of content a fave production

[lavaheadaddy]

A lot of you need to recognize these comedians on drop out are comedians they aren’t your friends who need your constant defending. Their medium is comedy and it’s subjective stop taking people not like certain humors or jokes personally. People are allowed to not enjoy someone’s specific humor without it being a personal attack on the comedian. We need to remember these people are putting out the jokes and content they want knowing it might not land for everyone. Not everyone has to like everything on drop out to be a fan or have a conversation in this community.

[aihoshiino]

hello! I really enjoy your way of looking at oshi no ko so I wanted to know your pov on something that's been bugging me throughout the manga! do you think Miyako remembers the twins being 'gods' early in their lives?? I feel that as much as her character has evolved past the whole 'i'll sell Ai's secret for money and fame as revenge' it's still weird that she, as someone who clearly was witness to something supernatural for AT LEAST a year doesn't like... bring it up at all? or seems to actually remember even...

like I can see it being explained away as 'oh maybe as they grow up they forget, so it makes no sense to bring it up now' but also I'm just curious as to when the twins stopped using that as a way to get whatever they wanted lol.

like idk I know that bringing up that bit of silly lore from volume one into the world of the movie arc is out of place at best but also! I just feel like Miyako either gaslighted herself into thinking she was delusional for a year or she's too afraid to bring it up because then she'll sound insane.

this piece of silly lore will chase me to the grave if it isn't brought up again and I need someone else's thoughts cause sometimes I feel like it was quietly retconned.... I'm rambling. anyway! I love your Tumblr!

THANK U FOR THE LOVELY MESSAGE, ANON!! I feel like i say this every single time but it really does make me so wibbly to know so many people vibe with my OnK takes to this degree lol

tragically... I do not have a clever answer for this one, unfortunately!!! Funnily enough though, I did have a bit of a chat about it recently with my friend Silvie (@relares) who has been watching the anime for the first time with me, and it kind of rattled some of my thoughts about the scene loose.

I think a lot of volume 1, while it works really well in isolation, has a lot of what me and Silvie ended up calling 'clunk' in hindsight where it's clear that Akasaka was just... not quite writing the Oshi no Ko that the story ended up becoming, if that makes sense. This is understandable given that at that point, he and Mengo were literally not working on the Oshi no Ko we ended up getting! The decision to kill Ai and re-adjust the series trajectory is one that was made during serialization and it meant the two of them had to course correct a lot of stuff extremely quickly. For the most part, I think they did a shockingly good job of handling that genre shift to the point where a lot of the more jarring elements actually just help in making that shift feel more effective - it makes the horror of Ai's death feel just as sudden and shocking and life-altering to the reader on a storytelling level as it does on a very literal one to Aqua and Ruby.

Unfortunately, it also means there's a lot of choices made in terms of like... punchlines and characterization decisions that I don't think Akasaka would necessarily have made if he had the benefit of foresight and I think Miyako is definitely a victim – or I guess more of a prime example of that.

Miyako as she ends up functioning in volume one is both shockingly different in terms of characterization compared to the Miyako we get from volume two onwards and also pretty transparently kind of just a vehicle/plot device to give the twins an adult ally without revealing themselves to Ai prematurely. The twins manipulating Miyako in such an overtly silly way is also exactly the kind of absurdist problem solving that works fine in a comedy, where your suspension of disbelief is a lot different. I think Akasaka was still very much in Kaguya-sama mode while writing those early chapters and that kind of comedy beat as problem solving bit would feel really at home in an Oshi no Ko that was more tonally in line with Kaguya-sama... but that ultimately isn't the Oshi no Ko it became, so it feels weird.

In a lot of ways, the timeskip between volume 1 and 2 is sort of a soft reset for the series in terms of tone and genre and it allows the manga to sort of smooth out a bit of that clunk going onwards. This is why I think the Sweet Today arc is the best post-timeskip arc in the manga because it's the one that best balances the comedy, drama and industry commentary in a way it never quite managed again - not that all the other arcs are bad, but they generally tip pretty far in one of those three directions in a way that leaves the others high and dry.

TO UH, ACTUALLY ADDRESS YOUR QUESTION THOUGH... I honestly think this aspect of the story has been retconned! Or at least, that Akasaka is purposely not addressing it because he realizes it was a misstep and so he's just quietly pretending it didn't happen lol. It isn't addressed even in places we would expect it to be and Miyako herself never even once mentions it even when we get peeks directly into her head, so I honestly think Akasaka kind of wrote himself into a corner with it and decided to just ignore it.

That's nowhere near as fun as an in-character explanation though so I like to think Miyako thinks it was just a tripped out dream she had once and since Ruby and Aqua don't remember it, it's just never come up again. If she got drunk enough around them, though, she'd ramble about it to them while Ruby and Aqua lock eyes with each other and just have a moment of silent sibling communication like. oh my god. did we really do that????

For as serious as it is a lot of the time, Oshi no Ko is a pretty silly manga when you get down to it, eh....

[maddgicalgirl]

Paracosm Resources <3

Need help bringing your paracosm to life? Try these free resources!

⚠️ Updates always pending! Suggestions always welcome! Feel free to message me any tips or questions <3 ⚠️

(Cont. below cut, or with real time updates on this google doc!)

Art Programs

FireAlpaca - 2D Art Program, Animation. Where I make most of my digital art, and paint the frames for my animations :) It is free to use, and easy to learn and use! It can make basic animations as well, such as gifs. It requires download.

Krita - 2D Art Program. Professional, free digital paint software :) I have not used it before, though I have heard good things.

GIMP - 2D Art Program, Photo Manipulation. It's free to use, but I do not like it/recommend it highly. But! If FireAlpaca and Krita don't float your stoat, try Gimp! For 2D art, but also able to emulate Photoshop to a degree ^^

Inkscape - 2D Art Program. Free to use digital illustration software. Makes 2D art :)

Of course, who can forget classics like good old MS Paint, and the new and exciting 3D MS Paint, which can both be used to create some really neat things! Classic MS Paint is available here in browser form! If you need that. I just think it's neat!

Art AI

Petalica Paint - Coloring Software. An in browser, watercolor manga style coloring software, which can (almost) effortlessly color in any of your line art pieces! I've played around with it for my Thorn illustration style piece, and enjoyed it! It is free to use, and can take user input to make the colorations more precise.

ArtBreeder - 3D Realism Software. Using Artbreeder, you can create lifelike images of your paras, planets, or potentially even fursona, using the intricate AI they let you work with for free! A premium version exists, but most functions are fully usable without - though I recommend donating ^^ You can randomly generate, or prune and shape what you make until its perfect! Slow to use and get the hang of, but very worth it! Artbreeder is also pioneering an intriguing animation software to go alongside their product! Browser based.

3D Software

Blender - 3D Modeling, Animation. The best (in my opinion) free 3D modelling software.

MagicaVoxel - 3D Pixel Art. Free to use! Could be interesting :)

MikuMikuDance - 3D Rigging. Anime style rigging and animation software, free to use, and certified internet artefact! Has stood the test of time, and is still used and loved today. Can support ports of many kinds of assets, including, I believe, those from Blender, and of course those that are downloaded. DA has a bunch of old MMD communities you can raid for assets!

Animaze - Face Rigger. Use 3D models and a webcam to watch your paras talk! Models can be made in Blender, downloaded online, or even from CHARAT V, CHARAT GENESIS sister app!

Character Creators

CHARAT GENESIS - 2D Character Creator. Browser based anime style character creator, with multiple crops and poses, and infinitely customizable options. It is legitimately insane. Has a 3D function called CHARAT V which can apparently convert characters made in CHARAT GENESIS into 3D models compatible with Face Rig and Animaze!

V-Katsu - 3D Character Creator. Free on steam! Anime style, intensive character creator, by the same people who made Koikatsu, and Koikatsu Party, two amazingly detailed 3D hentai makers. While V-Katsu is a SFW VTuber maker, if you're looking for NSFW anime content, you could always spend roughly $70 on the full NSFW versions. V-Katsu requires a translation mod (free online as well) which you have to install, or the ability to read Kanji <3 Works with VR tech.

V-Roid Studios - 3D Character Creator. Free on steam! Anime style, fairly in depth character creator, that allows for some degree of digital 3D hand sculpting, particularly with their amazing hair engine, to get your paras looks perfect!

And, of course, Picrew has thousands of character creators of various styles and quality uploaded by the artists who made them! Also, honestly I think we as a society should embrace making dinky chibis in Gacha Life. IDK why everyone is mean to the gacha kids, like we weren't all cringe at some point,

World Design

HomeStyler - 3D and 2D Room Designer. Make a model of an interior for a home or building, using real 1:1 furniture of IRL brands! Apparently this is free to use, though there is a premium version, and�� it offers 3D and 2D models.

Map to World - 3D Planet Maker. Turn your fantasy world into a 3D model of the planet. Put maps directly on, or design the surface and textures of your world. Takes a lot of getting used to, but it is AMAZING. Free to use, and browser based!

PlanetMaker - 3D Planet Maker. Make a customized 3D planet! Free to use browser site! I have never used this, but I would love to mess around with it sometime! Allows you to add orbital rings, change textures, and more at the click of a mouse.

If on sale, I also recommend snagging a copy of the Sims, particularly 3 or 4, for character creation and world design. Maybe not the best gameplay without mods, but it's also a load of fun, and very easy to add custom content to! Minecraft also. But you just need Minecraft, in general. Beyond its ability to fairly faithfully recreate structures from your paracosms, it's just Good.

Game Creators

Maybe you wanna turn your paracosm into a cool game idk, just thought I'd put these here!

Construct 3 - 2D Game Creator. Beginner level game making :) Drag-and-drop if/then style programming.

GameSalad - Codeless 2D Game Creator. Drag and drop style/no coding, beginner friendly. Free version available!

Solpeo - 2D Game Creator. HTML5 based game engine for 2D and isometric game development. Some programming knowledge needed. Platforms supported: Chrome, Firefox, Internet Explorer 9+. Free version available.

Stencyl - Codeless 2D Game Creator. Drag and drop style building/no coding skills needed. Has editable templates!

Scratch - 2D Game Creator. Very easy to use and totally free, though relatively basic!

Unity - 3D, 2D, and VR Game Creator. Make games with 3D software. Import your own assets (Blender compatible) or download free options, or buy the rights to models. Works for 3D and 2D games. Free version available, and now works with VR tech!

Unreal Engine - 3D Game Creator. Extremely advanced 3D game developer. Highly customizable. Free to use!

Twine - Text-based Game Creator. Use a map to make a branching paths text-based story game. Free to use.

Squiffy - Text-based Game Creator. have used Squiffy and it can make some really, truly incredible things. Can take a while to pick up, and learn how to use to its full potential. Free to use! Has an online and offline library of player creations you can get inspiration from!

Quest - Text-based Game Creator. I've never used this, but it seems cool! Use it to make interactive text-based DND game adventures in browser.

Ren'Py - Visual Novel Creator. Visual novel engine, that is well acclaimed, and of course, free to use!

Companion AI

Replika - 3D Companion.

Kajiwoto - Chatbot Companion. Customizable, learning AI you can shape into a personality. Communicates via Discord like chat box.

Organization

Toyhou.se - Character Gallery. A customizable library where you can upload all of your paras and characters for the public to view! Free to use, but requires a premium member to invite you!

Refsheet - Character Gallery. I haven't used it before, but I've heard good things, and that it's a suitable alternative to toyhou.se if you can't get an invite!

Notebook.AI - Character Gallery. I haven't used it before, but I've heard good things, and that it's a suitable alternative to toyhou.se if you can't get an invite!

World Anvil - World Building Toolset. Like character galleries, but for worlds and their lore :)

Scabard - World Building Toolset. Aimed at DnD campaigners, but I reckon it'll be useful for many!

YARPS - World Building Toolset. More focused around story and lore than Scabard or World Anvil, and looks beautiful! Still in its prototype stage, however.

Pinterest - Photo Organizer. Look at, collect, and sort images into boards. Personalizes your feed based on that, and is free to use and join! However, unlike their myriad of wonderful recipes, DIY tutorials, and the likes - a lot of the images are uploaded by second parties and not credited, so be careful reuploading anything you find! Also great for finding outfits and art inspo for your paras!

Generators

Fantasy Name Generator - Name Generators. Does what it says on the tin! Generates fantasy names. Is a lovely website, run by a purportedly lovely woman.

Fantasy Map Generator - Map Generator. Randomly generates a fictional map, which you can view in 2D or 3D.

Donjon RPG Generator - Multiple Generators. Can make maps, weapons, items, etc.

Seventh Sanctum - Multiple Generators. One of my favorites from high school! Does all kinds of things - the standard items, spells, and names - but also prompts, backstories, characters, and even comedy generators!

ShindanMaker - Multiple Generators. User created and uploaded, any kind of generator you can imagine, of varying complexity. And when I say any generator? I mean ANY generator.

Audio

Audacity - Record and Edit Audio. What can't Audacity do? I love Audacity to death. At surface level, it records audio. I've used it to record voices for my paras, and get audio for animations and games I've worked on. I cannot recommend it enough. Comprehensive editing, and with some investigation, it can do so, so much more than just record simple dialogue.

FL Studios - Compose. Compose music with an unlimited free trial. Upgrades available for purchase!

Indie Game Music - Royalty Free Music Library. Free to use Indie Game Music. What it says on the box!

AudioJungle - Royalty Free Music and Audio Library. Thousands of free to use audio clips!

Online Piano - Someone could use this, for recording, or just messing around. I've seen plenty of paras who play piano, this could just be used for fun!

Online Guitar - Same reasons as above, but this site looks kinda sketchy. Use at your own risk or reward! Audio

For real, if you ever need music, sound effects, or really any MP3 clips that can be used without infringing on copyright laws, just search 'royalty free' (music/audio/insert thing here) same applies for photos! Make sure the source is reputable, however.

Tutorials

W3Schools - Coding. Learn the basics of coding, for free, online!

Miscellaneous

Debut Video Capture - Screen Recorder. Record game footage and let's plays for free! Professional and home versions. I see a few of our community members have paras who run YouTube channels, and I thought these might help! It could be a nice way to connect your parames. YouTube quality <3

Pixton - Comic Maker. Comic making website. I have no experience with this at all, but some may find it useful!

Picfont - Image Editor. Puts customizable text on an image. I used these for @paraesthetics paracosm header edits <3 It has a premium version (???) but the free version has all functions, but it crashes regularly (honestly seems timed :/) but once you get it down, it's a very quick process, and you won't have to worry about that at all.

Itch.io - Publishing. You can publish your self made games here :)

Korsakow - ??? Described as, "The Future of Storytelling" and is apparently a way to create interactive films. I *just* found out about this, but thought I should include it for someone who may know how to use and appreciate it! Free? Unknown, at the moment.

Tips and Tricks

Animation Done Easy

Our forefather's of internet animation used MS Paint, Windows Movie Maker, and Audacity. All of these, or their equivalents, are free on standard computers. I, personally, use FireAlpaca - which works just as well, if not better, than MS Paint for animation - but takes longer, and definitely lacks that retro feeling. I also use my trackpad to draw and animate everything, so its doable, but probably not totally comfortable, to animate like this for most people :)

⚠️ Updates always pending! Suggestions always welcome! Feel free to message me any tips or questions <3 ⚠️

[ilikekidsshows]

Idk how to phrase this properly, but can you talk about how despite Ladybug steps on Chat's triggers sometimes, she's still a good friend to him and an exception and a symbol of hope to him that not everyone is like Gabriel at all? (Like the differences in her and Gabriel's attitudes towards him in episodes like Glaciator and the NY special?)

Yeah, the New York Special and 'Glaciator' are both cases where Marinette kinda screwed up. However, using these cases to say Marinette is like Gabriel is just not on. Marinette and Gabriel have parallels, but their treatment of Adrien is not one of them. In fact, I'd say it's one of the most important points of contrast, aka difference.

When it comes to the New York Special, I believe it isn't fair to judge an entire relationship based on what the characters do in situations where they're under extreme duress and the narrative purpose is to create drama. On a regular day, Marinette never would have stood in silence when someone was falling to pieces right next to her. The only reason she was suddenly mute in the middle of the sewer scene in the New York Special was so that the writers could include a really melodramatic breakup-get-back-together plotline. It happens in so many series finales and really makes me think the NY Special's script was originally written for the movie that's coming out. It has a broody atmosphere, it has collateral damage, there's a breach of trust and our heroes break up, Marinette falls off her bike and sobs while lying on the ground in the rain and Hawk Moth launches a nuclear strike. The New York Special is way more dramatic than the show, it's melodramatic even. The level of melodrama makes the NY Special easy to generate salt on, but that doesn't mean it's accurate salt on the show itself, since the show proper is so tonally different. No one's judging anime series based off the OVAs they put out.

But, if you're still interested, I did do a full conflict analysis on the New York Special here, where I went over how Adrien's tendency of projecting his relationship with his father into his relationship with Ladybug got some solid countering evidence to help him overcome that in the special (if the special is canon to the show). I've also discussed my interpretation of what's going on in 'Glaciator' here and here. However, I'll say here that Ladybug accidentally treating Cat Noir like Gabriel does Adrien in 'Glaciator' is not the reading the episode is going for. Marinette forgot Cat Noir existed due to some personal issues she has while Gabriel blatantly doesn't care what he does to Adrien and uses his disregard to manipulate Adrien into staying home just in case Gabriel might grace him with his presence. The perceived similarity exists in Adrien's mind because 'Glaciator' focuses on his trauma from his abuse at home.

The primary difference between Marinette and Gabriel is that Marinette genuinely is terrible at managing her time and responsibilities and tends to forget a lot of Ladybug-related stuff in the first two seasons, while Gabriel is knowingly and purposely neglecting his son in order to keep him hanging on to his every word. There's a huge difference between someone who cares being bad at showing it and someone who cares knowingly manipulating you. The difference is that, if Marinette knew she was actually inflicting Cat Noir with the same pain his father does, she would regret it and try to make up for it. Gabriel knows what he's doing when he does it and does it repeatedly even when he knows what it does to Adrien. He's an empath. It's deliberate. Meanwhile, Marinette is clueless. The two situations are in no way equal.

However, Ladybug does do genuine good to Adrien's emotional state. She isn't just the person who unknowingly hurts him. A big issue with people unleashing any salt on any character is that they tend to ignore the entire narrative and focus on only some moments that they then give their own interpretations to that take a lot of liberties. Simply put, a major underlying theme in Miraculous is self-actualization, and Ladybug is one of the primary people in Adrien's life, in addition to Nino and Plagg, who not only let him be himself, but actively encourage it. Let's face it, Adrien is a lot when he's Cat Noir. He exaggerates himself, he always speaks his mind, he refuses to be contained. And Ladybug accepts it. And not only accepts, but loves it.

What does Gabriel do when Adrien expresses any part of himself that he doesn't approve of? He isolates him, sends him to his room, and forbids him from going outside. Even the slightest bit of unacceptable behavior or the smallest of mistakes gets punished severely, with no room for negotiation or compromise. Because Gabriel doesn't want to understand Adrien's point of view, he shuts down any conversation Adrien wants to have. Gabriel also constantly uses isolation as a punishment. He denies Adrien his company and the company of his friends constantly, even when Adrien has done nothing to “deserve” it (he could never deserve it, I’m merely referring to Gabriel having something to use as justification).

Ladybug is a different story. She can't know Adrien. Their secret identities depend on it. So, there's a huge blockade stopping her from really understanding her partner. But she wants to and tries to. Anything Cat Noir wants to tell her, Ladybug listens to. She's so willing to listen to him, even when he says things she doesn't want to her, like when he tells her they have to protect Chloé in 'Evillustrator'. This is season one Marinette at her most unreasonable, abandoning her duty in a huff. She delegated the duty of protecting Chloé to Cat Noir alone, but she didn't say he was wrong, even when he said something she really didn't want to hear, that Chloé was in danger and it was their job to keep her safe. Gabriel never listens when he's angry, something we see especially in 'Félix', where he goes on an angry tirade. But, even when she's steaming mad, Ladybug does acknowledge Cat Noir is right, even if grudgingly (cause it's about Chloé).

Another thing to note is that Marinette doesn't take it onto herself to punish Cat Noir for perceived misbehavior. At worst she might snap at him, but she never dangles the right to be in her presence as only being allowed if Cat Noir stays on his best behavior like Gabriel does. Marinette knows she could do this. By season two she's fully aware that Cat Noir is in love with her and is fully dedicated to her. But she doesn't use that because she's a better person than Gabriel, and because she enjoys his company too. She doesn’t walk out on him for a bad joke, or flirting at the wrong time. There isn’t a single moment in the series where Marinette tells Cat Noir to leave the way Gabriel does. She does on occasion run away from conversations, but never in a way that would signal to Cat Noir it’s his fault, like in ‘Oblivio’ or ‘Frozer’. Even with all the difficulties Marinette has with communicating, especially with Adrien and Cat Noir, she never shuts Cat Noir out, unlike Gabriel, who seems to do nothing but shut him out.

[btsmosphere]

🌹 2021 TUMBLR YEAR END REVIEW GAME

tagged by @taegularities 💜💜

rules ; post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released this year (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

top 5 works i’m most proud of

the web: we all know my whole heart is made of mafia aus so this couldn’t not make it onto the list haha. I had a lot of fun with this series

breathe again: I feel like I did kinda acheive ghibli vibes with this fic. it’s just very wholesome and heartfelt, so it feels very personal

highway to you: when I say Rent Free!! this yoongi can have my entire soul, I have so many headcannons about this couple too. I would love to write more of them someday

across the tracks: probably my biggest project this year, it was so fun adapting the film into this while putting my own spin on it. very obsessed with this tae

not your time: this drabble was just quite healing to write. idk, it just has a ~vibe~ that I like a lot

top 4 current WIPs i’m excited to release this year

eek you act as if I have 4 stories!!! I have several bits and pieces but not sure how many of them I can confidently call ‘wips’.. my motivation has been waning so I’ve been trying to focus on a smaller number of things while others may never see the light of day. I’ll try to list four but no one is allowed to hold me to this ok:

supercharged: jk, enemies to lovers, supervillain au. VERY excited about this

between the pages: namjoon, childhood friends to lovers, period drama. think jane austen with the heroine running across the moors in a storm.. yeah

sunken heart: namjoon, atlantis au with demigod!joon and royalty!reader. there’s gonna be seamonsters

untitled: jin, spy au... kinda. no i wont elaborate

my top 3 biggest improvements in my writing over the past year

this is HARD. I did most of my writing earlier in the year and it’s fallen off a bit towards the end, so it’s kinda difficult to think of. but here goes:

using prompts: this year I tried drabble games for the first time, and also took part in some birthday events for the bts writers’ club, all of which involved prompts and now I feel very comfortable working with them, which is great! the zenith was probably using 12 prompts for one story, which was a challenge to say the least, but I did it!

starting/ending stories: looking back on my fics this year, I was pretty happy with all my opening and ending lines, which are things that have always intimidated me a bit in the past

varying descriptions: I think I’ve become familiar with words/phrases that I tend to overuse or fall back on, so I’m more able to avoid them and put more variety into my stories

my top 2 resolutions when it comes to my blog/writing

make sure to reply! I love whenever people interact to say they’ve enjoyed my writing, and I always try to reply, but I think sometimes I slip up and forget, so I want to be more diligent about that because I appreciate every kind word!

get back into writing regularly. first I was in slump central and now I’m swamped with uni work, but once my dissertation is done in around march, I can’t wait to have more time and energy for writing because I have lots of ideas I’m excited to share!

my favourite line i’ve written this year

my ending line from across the tracks: the tracks whizzed by below you, taking you to a city where they wouldn’t divide you.

tagging @eternalseokjin @aglassofpinkchampagne @crazy4myself @pars-ley @eatjeanjin @joheunsaram @joonscypher if you wanna do it! also, anyone else who fancies joining in!

[annetteblog]

I got a very long ask and wrote even longer reply, and now Tumblr for some reason doesn't want to publish it through asks. So I'm making a separate post, because what else can I do? 😀 I hope Anon wouldn't mind

Hi!

Thank you for such a long ask! I really enjoy replying those, although it may take some time to actually write whatever I have on my mind 🙂 However, I feel like for every question that you posed, it's possible to write its own big reply or even an essay, so this piece of mine probably won’t give them justice (but I’ll try my best.)

As usual, one big IMO.

1) Ethics, “gueer coding” and discussions

I believe I’ve already partly touched this subject here. Shortly, I think that everything the boys did (and still do) had its own purpose. They decided to put these "undertones" (or whatever one may call them) in their art. They made some statements with a very small room for interpretation. And it didn't happen once or twice. More like, it's been a consistent behaviour throughout years.

I don't buy this excuse some fans write - "oh, he just didn't know about this/didn't understand how it looked like/didn't..." So apparently, JK wasn't able to figure out shit about Troye, didn't give a damn about his GCF, didn't think how his tattoo looked like; JM didn't realize to what conclusions could lead his quite bold words about 4am or waking up and seeing JK; both of them didn't have second thoughts about the Black Swan dance; Bang PD is just a CEO who pays zero attention to BTS in general and KM actions in particular (which sometimes actually backlash, e.g. that stop gay fanservice thing after the Seoul concerts), because he clearly just doesn't care AT ALL; whatever PR service they have in BH is just asleep all the time... Etc etc etc, you got the idea

Well, if one wants to perceive JM, JK and BigHit as a group of complete morons with no brains, this "oh, they just didn't know" explanation may work. But if all of them were idiots, how would BTS become the biggest group on a planet? They are smart enough, deal with this.

And YET. KM still do what they do. It's their choice, so apparently they have their motives. You wrote it yourself too - "Jikook and BH put out all that stuff for a reason."

Keeping this in mind, I truly think it's fair to discuss queer undertones or KM's bond. It's meant to be discussed and speculated. They made it public, and they continue to make it public (and quite obvious, to be honest). Why? Well, I guess they want us to speculate.

From here comes the second point

2) Art and its interpretations

In general, I believe that any good art should allow various interpretations. That's what a good piece of art is supposed to do - provoke a thought. As well as it's quite customary to analyze and (sometimes) overanalyze art. Thousands of universities worldwide have programs which are focused on fine art, literature, theater, music, film, etc.

And why is it okay to write about Avengers or Madonna or whatever weird art you're able to find in the closest Contemporary museum (like a banana taped to a wall), but not okay to interpret BTS' songs and/or performances? Again, I strongly believe that art is meant to be discussed. Especially as cool as theirs 🙂

Actually, some popular fandom theories turned out to be true here. Since Spring Day release on Feb 2017, fans speculated about its connection to the Sewol ferry tragedy based on the song's lyrics, MV and choreo. We got this confirmation like when, December 2020? But before it was also just an interpretation.

Coming back to KM. Combining these with the idea that JM/JK/BH clearly know what they're doing and how it may look like, I don't see a problem in having various interpretation of their art. Including queer ones.

3) Escapism

Isn't all art targeted to escaping in a sense? We want to take a break from reality and/or mundane life or just gain some new experience. In this sense what's the radical difference between staring at pictures or sculptures in a museum, watching a movie, reading a book or scrolling through Tumblr reading BTS/KM centric posts? All of these are means to escape and entertain ourselves.

As for this "if they are a queer couple, is it okay to derive pleasure and 'what a beautiful love story' feelings from two members of systematically oppressed minority?" - and you would prefer doing what - ignoring them? pretending that they don't exist? 🙃 In case if they are a queer couple, I guess showing support and benevolence is even more important. Exactly because, as you mentioned, they are a part of the oppressed minority. And the hatred is/would be definitely in place.

4) Fanfiction

Oh my, what a controversial theme these days.

Firstly, some forget it was not invented in the 21st century. Even slash fanfiction (cough Star cough Trek). As for incorporating real people, it's been a part of literature for like what.. always? There are millions of different writings about emperors, nobles, military figures, lives of saints, etc. And it's not like personal opinion of people in question bothered those, who write or wrote about them. I clearly remember a scene in Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, where Alexander I [Russian emperor 1801-25] after losing a battle against Napoleon, hits a birch tree with his sword while crying hard and just being kinda hysterical. Would real Alexander be satisfied with such image if he read the book? Idk 😄

About having "the right to comment on such [different from your own] experience". I suppose, if authors wrote only about what they had experienced, our literature would be 95% poorer than it is. How can one write books in historic settings if they didn't live there? How do books about future and space travel exist, if we live in 2021? Is it needed to be a part of mafia to write about mafia? What about other cultures? Should an American author write only about American people and American lifestyle or it's fine to have characters from other countries?

Writing is not about experiencing something and then making a fanfic or a book, it's more about research and compassion. If you have reliable info on your theme and are able to look at the world using different lenses, why not?

I don't perceive fanfiction as a worldwide evil. Sure, there are creepy examples as well as authors, who write fetishizing weird shit. But it doesn't mean that all fanfiction=bad and all slash fanfiction=objectification of male homosexuality. Fanfiction is just one form of fiction, it can be good or bad based on how it's written. But the label itself doesn't define anything, as well as reading it should not be a reason to accusations.

5) Jikook, shipping and politics

I'm among those, who perceive pretty much everything as a part of politics. We all exist within some political conventions and have certain political laws over our heads. And yes, it includes art. Even if an artist says something like "oh, I decided to stay away from politics, my work is beyond it". The decision to stay away from politics is also political, because apparently there was something within the political structure what made this artist say that and forced them to make this distinction between them and some institutional conventions.

And that makes me believe that shipping/supporting KM is also political. But I don't think it's necessarily bad? Basically, you decided to support potentially queer people from a country, which doesn't really approve LGBTQ+. It puts you in the opposition towards a particular government. You made a choice. You could google some SK stuff, read all that you mentioned in the beginning of your ask, and say something like "oh, that's not okay there? well, fair enough, I guess their government knows better"🤠 and forget that this KM thing even exists. But apparently you didn't

Imo, is it politics? Yes

Is it bad that it's politics? Well, no? 🙃

|

P.S. I hope I was clear enough with my ideas. Thank you again for the thought provoking ask, and I hope I'll hear from you again 🙂

And honestly, I don't think that you're problematic in any way :)

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Any tips got people starting their creative writing degree in September? Xxx

oh this is a great question!! sometimes I forget I will literally be an upper year next year :) how did this happen :) still feel like I’m in grade 9 :) lol! but I do have tips!

1. Trust in the process

Okay, this sounds a little gimmicky, but what I mean is, let things happen the way they’re going to happen. I was extremely prepared when I entered first year, and even more prepared for second year, and I’m not saying this is a bad thing--in fact, I recommend having something small (even an idea) at the ready, just in case of emergency writer’s block, time constraints, etc, but I’d love to go back in time and tell myself to chill! I wanted so badly to experience the idea of the Ideal Writing Degree Experience, and so kind of missed out on the actual (great) experience I had in front of me! so let it happen! Take creative risks! stray from your plan if your gut is telling you to!

2. Get involved

In first year, I found it SO helpful to get involved in writer events, or clubs on my campus. I joined my department’s lit journal (which I shall be managing in the fall!) as an intern, and made sure to attend most, if not all the writing events they had on campus, including general fine arts mixers. Though I am a super introverted person, it was actually super fun to make connections, and even so, just make memories of faces that I could later recognize on campus. This is also super helpful for getting to know people in your program! On orientation day, I really tried to huddle with some other Writing undergrads, and that was super fun because we just chatted about our writing backgrounds, etc! If you’re anxious like me, coming up with literal talking points could be helpful the night before, kind of like an “About Me” refresh?? Like, oh my name is Rachel and I write literary fiction, also I am from Toronto, would be what I would say in case someone asked (usually people were very excited to hear I was from out of province lol so this worked as a great talking point!). ALSO!! off campus events! go to readings! Readings are 100% more accessible to attend where I go to school versus where I live at home, and so I def took advantage of this by making sure to go out to multiple literary events! It’s nice to make connections, chat with the readers, or even other audience members! Usually people asked me if I was a student and what program I was in, etc, and because being a Writing major is kind of a Fun Thing To Be at a reading, this was always a great talking point!

3. Remember your writing degree is still work

I know a lot of creative degree pals give this advice to remind undergrads that their creative work for school is still work so they should sit down and do it rather than leaving it to the last minute, but I kind of like to flip this idea on its head by saying: it’s okay to prioritize your “non-academic” work versus your “traditionally academic” work! For example, I took many, many English classes this year, and put about 20x more of my time into those classes than my literal writing classes. I am a writing major?? lol! I could’ve gotten an English degree closer to home?? I did not come here for this?? I think it was easy for me to write off putting time into my writing classes because I was “good at that” and “needed to focus on my academic work” (whatever academic even means), but if you’re there for writing, don’t be afraid to actually... do your writing?? Fighting internalized stigma about my own degree is something I still work on! It’s still work! Which means it’s hard, and you should take breaks (and extensions if necessary/if you can) just like with any other work.

4. If you want to, prep a little

Like I mentioned above, this could be a helpful thing to do, though I do caution over preparation because that was me!! and I feel like one may learn more if they have more room to fail (which sometimes preparation reduces?) but this is also dependent on the type of person and student you are, so disregard if necessary! When I entered first year, I didn’t prep actual work, but made sure I knew what was expected of me so I could mentally prepare myself, haha. I knew there were 5 assignments for 5 different genres (because of COVID they actually axed 1 genre which I am GRATEFUL for rip playwriting), so I kept this in mind throughout the term. If I got an idea for a poem but knew we wouldn’t be doing poetry for the next term, I’d write the poem in advance, or write down the idea. A little bit of prep can help alleviate stress especially if you’re transitioning out of high school, but I do tend to overdo it!

5. SUBMIT your work!!!

This is also totally okay NOT to do if you don’t want to publish your work, but if you are interested in curating a portfolio, it doesn’t hurt to start submitting your work early to literary magazines! I know some people are too nervous to send out their work in first year, but if you’re comfortable with it and want to, go for it! I submitted my work for the first time in first year, and got 2 stories published. If you want to be published, you don’t have to wait for upper years to put your work out there! If you have a piece you like, send it out! This also includes on-campus writing contests if your school runs these. I entered one not thinking anything of it and won first place (HOW), and these experiences were fantastic in shaping my experience in the program and also showing me submitting your work is not so scary!

6. Talk to your profs and TAs

Y’ALL I did not realize how much I talk to my profs and TAs and how much the pandemic took that away from me! It’s so critical to form relationships with the people who are teaching you, not only because they’ll help you to shape your work, but also because they’re a great start to networking! In first year, I sat down with my TAs or prof for literally every single piece I wrote, and the amount I learned is astronomical. I guess this depends on your program, but generally, writing programs are generative based rather than super lecture heavy, and you learn by doing hands-on work (workshops, etc). I learned so much (sometimes, even more) by talking to my teachers. They want to help you and it’s a great way to get to know them. I only attended office hours once in COVID (and it was Zoom office hours), and I certainly feel a difference in my experience. Reach out! When I took an intro journalism course, my prof line-edited every one of my pieces by hand, and while it was nerve-wracking because she is a fantastic writer and a tough critic (and literally right in front of me), it was so rewarding when she’d point out where I’d improved. She was also great at taking her time to explain how I could better my piece. You can’t do that if you’re sitting in a 200 person lecture, but you can if you take some time for a one on one! Highly recommend if you can (coming from someone with social anxiety)!

7. Make friends

I will admit it! I still have not done a great job at this lol. But if you can, try to reach out to your peers. You’re all there to learn, and it’s actually so fantastic to meet likeminded people! My peers are incredibly talented, smart individuals, and when we’re in person, I’d love to chat with them more! In first year, it can be scary to reach out, which is why I did this minimally, though I still made an attempt to jump out of my comfort zone whenever possible. It’s nice to recognize faces on campus and wave at people/have a short conversation before you head into class. Like I said, I interned for my on campus lit journal in first year, so I had to reach out a few times to my classmates to participate in events etc, so this was actually kind of easier for me since I had a lil ~motive that allowed me to muster the courage to chat with people! It could be as easy as joining in on a convo of a subject of interest (for example, a lot of people at my school especially in my program, love D&D. I have no idea what that is/how that works, but if I did, this might be something to talk about if you love it also)! Also - follow people on social media if you can find them, or start a group chat!

8. Don’t be afraid to speak up for your needs

This will be my last tip, and it might be the scariest tip of all, but if you are not happy with how something is going in your degree/classes, speak up about it! If something is not accessible to you, don’t be afraid to speak out about that. Idk if it’s just me, but I’ve been advocating for the betterment of my education since elementary school (why am I like this loooool), but especially in university, you’d be surprised by how receptive some people can be! Shoot your prof or TA an email if you have concerns, and see what they say. Rarely, they can be assholes, but most of the time, they’ll try to work with you to make your class experience better. This is why I also recommend filling out your course evals. Most great profs really want their students to enjoy their classes and succeed, so don’t be nervous to speak out about your needs if xyz isn’t being met.

hope that helps!

[douwatahima]

Turns out I have some more feelings about the manga I finished yesterday. Not naming it so this doesn’t end up in the tags. Please don’t read this, lol. The fourteen year old version of me jumped out.

I think the thing that bugged me most about this last stretch of DN Angel is how much it felt like Yukiru Sugisaki was just...done with the whole thing. Like everything felt very rushed towards a specific, easy conclusion that didn't address a lot of the interesting pieces she had previously laid down.

Like, I remember reading those last few chapters before the eight year long hiatus and HOLY SHIT there was so much! The Dark/Risa relationship all of a sudden becomes an actual threat, not just to Daisuke/Riku, but to Daisuke himself! Satoshi completely lets his guard down around Daisuke, trusting that the person he loves will make this huge sacrifice for him, and when Daisuke refuses he POINTS A GUN TO HIS OWN HEAD. AND THEN WHEN HE GETS CAUGHT HE GOES OFF INTO THE FOREST WITH. THE. GUN!!! AND THEN!!!! RIKU FINDS OUT DAISUKE IS DARK!!!!!!!! IT'S WILD AS FUCK!!!!!!!!

And then we come back and a lot of this is immediately dealt with in a comedic fashion and we just move on. Dark and Daisuke don't talk about that Risa interaction. No one goes after Satoshi. Daisuke comes up with some excuse and Riku is satiated for now.

Then we got the whole dream circus arc. Which was honestly alright. I enjoyed Daisuke coming to terms with the fact that he cannot separate himself from Dark. They are one and the same, for better or worse. And honestly, at first I thought this arc was going to lead us somewhere interesting. Because if Daisuke and Dark now understand that they are a package deal, how do they deal with the whole Riku and Risa thing???? (The answer is they basically don't but I'll get there). I was 100% ready to love this arc and then they did...the thing and I...

Okay, look. Full disclosure, I've been a DN Angel fan since I was like, fourteen. It is linked to me in a way that can only happen when you're obsessed with something at the height of your awkward teen years. And the thing that continues to be my favourite part of the whole story is the relationship between Satoshi and Daisuke. They were my number one ship, not just at fourteen, but...honestly probably through all of my teen years. Like, remember when people used to make jokes on this website about someone asking about your otp and you pull out your binder of reasons? I literally made a Satodai binder. That's not a joke. They were it for me.

And, don't get me wrong, there was never a point where I honestly thought the manga was gonna have Daisuke leave Riku and end up with Satoshi. I dreamed about it, but didn't honestly expect it. BUT I loved the way the manga addressed Satoshi's feelings for Daisuke. This is someone who Satoshi treasures above all others. The person who makes him believe the world can be better. The person he would do ANYTHING for. Like, Satoshi LOVES him.

Which is why it's so frustrating to me that Yukiru Sugisaki decided it would be better for Satoshi to have a two second dream about Risa that changes all of his feelings instantaneously. Like, I'm not here to shit on Satoshi/Risa fans, and I'm happy y'all got your ship. Honestly. But, the two of them have barely spoken before this and then Satoshi has a dream and literally says, "oh I guess my feelings have changed now" like...two volumes before the end! AND THEN THEY DON'T EVEN TALK UNTIL THE VERY END OF THE SERIES. FOR WHAT????

It honestly just read to me as, the mangaka wanted to end the series and Satoshi continuing to be into Daisuke was too emotionally complicated to quickly wrap up so he loves Risa now. And hey, that clears up the whole Dark/Risa thing, right? I'll get to that.

ANYWAY, so then we jump into an elongated story about some past Niwa/Hikari drama which would've been fun if I hadn't been growing more and more confused as I noticed how few chapters were left and we were STILL ON THIS. Like, I love when DN Angel gives us fun new characters to talk about. Hell, the Freedert arc and the Argentine arc are two of my favourites. But, when you only have a limited amount of time...It just felt like this was something Yukiru Sugisaki was maybe sitting on for awhile so she didn't want to skip it, but she also wanted to finish the story as soon as possible so the ending comes IMMEDIATELY after which makes this whole arc feel...weird. Like...we could've spent our last few chapters on the characters we know and love but...instead...

Then we get to the endgame. So, quick poll, do we think the mangaka already had this ending in mind before the anime came out or do we think she decided to do the anime ending because she had no idea how to finish the story. I'm really not sure, but either way it felt soooo anticlimactic given that we've had the anime ending for almost 20 years. Like...what was I waiting around for if you were just gonna do the same thing????? And look, I honestly never finished the anime because I couldn't stand the way they chose to characterize some of my favourite characters (most notably Satoshi and Risa) and I'd read what the ending was and hated it lol. But I digress.

The thing about the ending that gets me most is that it all comes on so fast. Like, you wanna do the anime ending? Okay. Don't love the idea, but okay. BUT it all happens in like... 2-3 chapters. Like, all of a sudden the Black Wings is sucking up power from the artwork and, oh no, here comes Krad ready wreck shop. And then we, randomly at THE END OF THE MANGA find out Satoshi's adopted Dad is actually his real Dad and also he's a piece of artwork which makes Satoshi half a piece of artwork???? Why are you telling us this now???? Then Satoshi and Daisuke seal Dark and Krad into the Black Wings the end. Like...????? That's it?????

OH ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THE HARADA TWINS ARE MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. HONESTLY PROBABLY BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE YUKIRU SUGISAKI FORGOT TOO SINCE THERE'S NO CLOSURE ON THAT?????? (Honestly, I'm laughing because I literally forgot about this fact until just now. AGAIN WHAT WAS THE REASON LMAO!!!)

Okay, so the story's done but where does it leave our favourite characters???

Daisuke and Riku have figured their shit out and are...presumably going to do long distance??? Idk, they never really address whether they're staying together or not as far as I can remember???? Like, this is the relationship I thought we would get the most closure on but ?????????

Risa just gets to be sad for awhile I guess. It's honestly so infuriating to me that we got this awesome moment before the hiatus where Dark asked Risa if she would love him no matter what and she says yes with her WHOLE CHEST and that's enough for Dark to almost, like, take over Daisuke's body permanently. Like, her love for Dark is as real as Riku's love for Daisuke but she's not allowed to have a happy ending like her sister. She gets to see Dark one last time where he kisses her and hopes she'll always be his best girl and then he flies off into the night while she begs him not to leave. Then, she gets to cry in the street, trying to remember him while everyone else is forgetting. Well, at least she has Satoshi, right????

But like, we don't even know if she likes Satoshi that way. There's been...no indication that she does as far as I know. And as he's hugging her, Satoshi is having these thoughts hoping she'll be able to remember Dark because he knows how meaningful he is to her. So their ending is LITERALLY Risa gets to be horribly heartbroken and Satoshi gets to pine for someone else who, at this point, doesn't love him back.

Like, once again not to shit on Satoshi/Risa fans but...is this the ending y'all wanted????? Because as someone who stans them both this just felt horrible. It reads as a feeble attempt to "pair the spares" (since in the story the mangaka wanted to tell, neither of them could be with who they originally loved) but, like, even then this is the saddest way to do that. OH! And once again, if Risa is moving, ARE THEY EVEN GOING TO BE TOGETHER????? Like, what are we supposed to get from this what is the REASON??????

And then there's Dark and Krad being stuck in the Black Wings for eternity. The biggest reason I didn't like this ending in the anime. Like, look. I get that you have to end your manga somehow. BUT if your plan was to reunite Dark and Krad in this way I don't understand why you would write a whole interaction, mere chapters before, having Dark say that that's the LAST thing he wants to do. HE SAYS THAT THEY AREN'T THE SAME ANYMORE AND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO RETURN TO HIM. AND THEN HE'S FORCED TO DO JUST THAT. FOR. WHAT?????

Like, Dark isn't a villain. He's one of our main protagonists and has been this whole time. I get that in stories sometimes characters have sad endings. (I've already argued that I think both Satoshi and Risa's endings were bittersweet at best). But to have Dark say mere chapters before it happens that he categorically DOES NOT want to rejoin Krad and then force him to do just that feels like such a needlessly cruel thing to do to this character we're meant to love.

Once again, it just felt so much like Yukiru Sugisaki wanted to end the series as quickly as possible. I get her wanting to come back to it; she's kinda notorious for not finishing things so I get the impulse to just drive through and get at least one story done. But, it felt like so many things were skipped over or changed just because it made getting to the end goal easier and less complicated. Not addressing some of the cool shit she laid down before the hiatus, completely morphing Satoshi's feelings in a dream, writing off Risa's feelings for Dark, telling us all of the Satoshi backstory stuff at the last goddamn minute, giving Dark his worst nightmare as an ending, so many of these things done just to move things along towards a specific end goal as fast as possible.

Honestly, there's a part of me that wishes she hadn't come back and finished it at all. I was happy enough with the ending I had written in my head and would've preferred it to what we ended up getting ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Anyway, to anyone who actually read this (and a part of me hopes no one does lmao) thanks for listening to me ramble. And if you're a Satoshi/Risa fan, uh, sorry I hated on your ship lol. You're cool.

[vr2]

haha anyways genshin must be on some wild fucking shit if they think theyre gonna try and drag out their main story for like 2 years. on god having like half a year between main chapters of its already weak spindly little story is like mindboggling decision i do not trust your storytelling skills at all to make any of the hype worth it but i also think thanks to the general playerbases inability to read they will continually feel disappointment at how poor genshins main story content is and how it is purveyed to the reader especially in comparison to the lore which is completely jarring in quality of delivery.

in the archon quest at the end of liyue chapter you get a lore dump from zhongli where he just stands there and gives you like 3 quest prompts about shit that exists for no reason other than idk “they needed to put the plot threads in there asap and they forgot they had an entire world to do it in” and then that mf disappears. forever. literally exiled from the overworld unless you pay like ninety quid to summon him on his banner. not to mention every single other npc you meet will never appear again outside of their instanced quests. it’s such a weird jarring end point that you’re left stranded in and its not only a frustratingly awkward delivery, it honestly just seems pointless. why couldn’t there have been an extended epilogue that involves talking to the npc character FROM inazuma, talking to beidou who is a pirate with an electro vision about idk ... travel and her ELECTRO vision being granted which is a feat she in known for in the lore of liyue folk. it could even be someone from the qixing like ningguang who surely would know about the status of foreign nations or keqing who has an electro vision and would absolutely have something to say about baal’s stance on things and her condescension towards humans. god it could still even be zhongli just space it out, let him invite us to dinner and chat over liyue cuisine and let inazuma come up naturally thgouh paimons huge appetite to eat new things. not only would the pacing be better, the plot threads be put in a way where you dont immediately forget them because they’re being rapidfire talked at you, but it would be a great way to make the character seem like theyre people with lives and not just trying to move the plot along and be on their way.

conversely, the story of arundolyn and rostam, the legends of mondstadt and the ordo favonius, the lion and the wolf, the building hints towards the cataclysm of khaenri’ah and what kind of nation earned the scorn of the gods -- its all slowly fed to you piece by piece linked through artifacts, world lore, in-game books, weapons and sometimes the world itself. you uncover things as you explore and the more thoroughly you explore - the more you discover! it’s rewarding, it feels natural and its some of the most fun you have piecing together stories and building out this strange world like some kinda anime historian and it encourages theorycrafting rather than a concrete set of events and characters being straightforward. its genuinely interesting that theres a whole society and cast of characters from the days of yore who are intimately connected with our current cast and the world we live in but also very much their own interesting characters who hold their own legacies and wills, carving them into the stars for ill or good.

its almost as if the main quest writers and the lore writers are completely separate, work on different floors and they dont ever meet because why ... why on earth would you deliver critical parts of the main story in such a blatantly poor way and make it have none of the nuance and intrigue as the worldbuilding? in a game that is designed for the express purpose of making people sympathetic and invested with characters to spend silly money on them? you think your paper thin story is going to let you do that? no gacha game is allowed to have storytelling subpar to the most average middle of the pack lightnovel and get away with being a gacha game. your story has to have at least a few moments where i am dazzled, daresay fucking delighted, at least a second where i have to stop and say ‘this is cool as hell’ or ‘FUCK ITS HAPPENING’ or else it is well and truly expendably worthless non-product! you have to be a little more ambitious than making some normie shit and try and make the story have a little heart! i dont doubt that they can do it, im sure there are talented writers there since i like a lot of the characterisations but man, let em free you need them no more than ever

the only thing i can think of that explains how watered down the story feels in comparison to lore, is a fear of making people ‘read too much’ in the main quests which honestly doesnt seem to be much of an issue to them. lanternrite wasnt that long but the sheer amount of npc dialogue feels staggering because its all ultimately ... inconsequential. we have no investment into these npcs and theres like 15 odd quests of it, it goes from cool world flavour text to genuinely feels like its taking up space all because they are trying to endear you to the lives of these generic npcs when you’d rather know like even one thing about chongyuns life and daily routine or xinyans performances. being able to see kaeya for one second even was the most fun and even then i was still disappointed cause its like bro? you didnt even let him do anything and it was JUST him? in the world there are so many characters explicitly referenced but never utilised and it makes their complete absence even more noticeable and frankly fucking baffling? not even fate episodes for all of our 12 SRs? actually nevermind, even the character stories are somehow unforgivably generic!

honestly i feel like the best event so far was the unreconciled stars event but by my standards it definitely felt like ‘solid gacha game event story’ with a touch of something more interesting with the inclusion of scaramouche’s lore insight. i was hoping this his how events would be in genshin, i really thought that this was the ‘standard’ but for some reason, its beginning to seem like that event was a bit of an outlier? i would gladly take less events and have them be more like the unreconciled stars event, with character interactions and slowly improving and hashing out who these characters are over never-ending carousel of random events that are mostly fetch-quests or fluff.

idk man its just a strange mess of me enjoying genshins world and theorycrafting, loving playing the game and exploring but feeling like the ball is not bein dropped but violently slammed into the ground by the sheer lack of character content whilst being praised by everyone under the sun for ‘story’ and ‘characters’. m*hoyo do better bitch! you already made such a good roster of characters now fuckin do something with them! stop releasing new characters without bothering with any of the existing ones! i beg of you!

[themusicplayedherlife]

Can’t Stop Dreaming

pairing: pining!steve rogers x f!reader characters: steve rogers, reader, word count: 1.3k+ warnings: pining, mild self-doubt, angst maybe? idk a/n: this is for @thefanficfaerie​‘s 3500 follower celebration! happy early birthday, doll <3 my prompt/song was: dreaming of you by selena

Steve can’t help it. 

It’s not like he wants to think about you. He just... does. And fuck does he feel terrible about it.

He knows he shouldn’t feel this way about you, knows he shouldn’t dream of more. 

Knows he shouldn’t picture what it’d be like waking up next to you every morning or how it’d finally be like to hold you against him, your back to his chest, playing with your fingers as that movie you love so much plays on your television.

He tries to forget you, honest to god, he tries. But every single time he thinks he can move on, fall for the next beauty that is willing to fall at his feet, you smile at him and say his name so sweetly, and it’s like his whole world lights up with vibrant colors. 

You’re not an agent, a super soldier, an inhuman, nor a mutant. You’re just… you, a regular human working in the finance offices located somewhere in the old Avengers Tower. If he were to ask someone about you, they probably wouldn’t even know who he was asking about. Hell, the fact that he was even able to meet you in such a crowded place is a miracle in and of itself.

Yet, somehow, between the bustling bodies, the loud noises, he saw you—your smile, your eyes, your unruly hair that you kept having to fight. One from who knows how many hundreds, and he saw you.

He exhales deeply through his nose and takes a slow sip of his bourbon.

From his seat, he can see you laughing, dancing around with your friends. You throw your head back, hand falling on your friend’s shoulder as she leans in to whisper something, your other friend shaking their head at both of you. And it’s hard for him to look away. Any time he tries, his eyes and heart seek you out.

How could someone be so beautiful?

“You going to keep daydreamin’, or are you finally going to do something about your crush?”

He shouldn’t be surprised that Natasha has caught on. He’s sure most of the team already has, if not, you wouldn’t have been invited to tonight’s event.

“Don’t,” he warns her. He doesn’t need a repeat of her throwing suggestions of who he should date. 

She only shrugs in response. “I’m just saying—“

He sighs. “Natasha.”

“What? Steve, this is good for you. She’s cute, she’s nice, and you obviously like her! Why don’t you just ask her out?”

Because it wouldn’t be fair. He couldn’t drag you into this life. Couldn't, wouldn’t, subject you to the what if’s; to the late night thoughts of wondering whether he’s alive or dead; of having to hear about his battles from the news; of having a target on your back. He couldn’t do that to you. Never. “She’s a civilian.”

And that’s all she needed to hear to understand exactly what he’s thinking. She sighs, leaning back against the bar, overlooking the people enjoying the event Tony had thrown last minute for one reason or the other. “Clint made it work.”

He knows. But it doesn’t change the fact that Laura worries about him, even if she doesn’t say it. “It doesn’t matter.”

Natasha shakes her head, sighing gently. “Steve—“

He stands up, downing the last bit of his drink and slams it down on the bar top. “I’m going to look for Bucky and Sam.”

She doesn’t follow.

The night doesn’t seem to want to stop. Everyone is having the time of their life, and admittedly, Steve is too.

He enjoys seeing Bucky come out of his shell, see him grow more comfortable with his friends and large crowds. Enjoys watching Tony and Bucky bond through technology and see their friendship grow. Enjoys seeing Natasha and Bruce finally give themselves the chance they deserve. Enjoys seeing the new members of the Avengers get along so well with the rest. It’s great.

But it’s also tiring. So tiring.

He rubs at his temple and excuses himself from his conversation with Carol and Rhodey; ignoring a couple of pretty women calling his name, vying for his attention. He makes his way down and out to the veranda no one uses, that no one even knows about except for Tony and a few others. 

It’s quiet, the cool, night air of Spring wrapping around him. The sounds of the party completely locked in and faded from the outside.

He takes a deep breath in.

“Long night?”

He’s startled, but he tries not to show it.

But fuck, your voice sends a shiver down his spine, drums at his heart. How is it that someone could make him feel so nervous? Make him a mess with just the sound of their voice? “Uh, yeah.”

The ends of your lips curl as you lean against the metal railing and he can’t help but mimic that smile of yours. “Even heroes need peace and quiet, don’t they?”

His smile drops and he finds himself looking away from you.

“I—I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you—“ 

He’s quick to look back at you, eyes wide when he hears the stutter in your voice and the way you surge forward as if to reassure him, your hand hovering above his own before you pull back completely. 

“Sorry,” you repeat, a little sheepish and a little worried.

God, how he wishes he could just wrap you up in his arms, tell you it’s okay, and finally feel your warmth against him. But he can’t do that to you. He won't do that to you. “It’s okay,” he reassures you, or at least try to, but he can hear the strain in his voice—how much he’s holding back. “We do,” he finds himself answering your earlier question, and he can’t help the jumps and leaps his heart does when you tilt your head curiously. “But it’s not so easy to find it.”

“Why not?”

“Who else will do our job?”

You frown, mulling over his words, carefully planning out your response.

He knows you didn’t mean anything serious by your earlier comment, and yet, here he was making it serious. And here you are treating it as such instead of judging him.

“It shouldn’t be about someone else doing your job for you, Captain, or having to give up something you enjoy doing. It’s about finding a moment to just relax and be yourself.” Your gaze moves away from him and to the door leading back inside. “I’m sure that when you’re with your friends, you allow yourself to be you, not just Captain America the hero, but also Steve Rogers, the man.” You’re not wrong. “You might be both men, but… sometimes there needs to be a distinction.”

He wants to ask if you’d be that distinction. If you’d be the person to make him realize, he’s not just an Avenger, but a man. A man who can contemplate having a normal life outside of the Avengers.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he only stares down at you as you shift your weight from one foot to the other. 

You crack an unsure smile, curling a piece of unkempt hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be saying all of this.”

He surges forward this time, heart clenching at the thought of having made you feel uncomfortable. “No. No, you’re fine.” But he can’t say you’re right, and he can’t say you’re wrong either. You’ll never know how much he wants to throw all of his reservations, all of his self restraint and just… just say fuck it and hold you. “Thank you, for what you said. I’ll take think about them.”

“Really?” He nods, eager to please you, to show you he cares about what you say. “Okay, then. Well, I should… I should go,” you start after clearing your throat, taking a step away from him. “I promised my friends I’d only step out for a moment. Have a good rest of the night, Steve.”

He nods, barely managing to say, “You too.”

He wants to stop you, ask you to stay for just a moment longer. Allow himself to indulge in you just a little bit further, but he doesn’t. And as you turn to look back at him, he can’t help but wonder if you also think of him like he does you. If you yearn for more.

If only he knew.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #336

"get back, you’re never gonna leave him  /  get back, you’re always gonna please him”

What were your favorite things to draw when you were a lil kid? When I was a very little kid, idk. But once I got into meerkats... I drew them like crazy. Do you think there is something with or around you, like a spirit, angel, ghost or something else? How does this make you feel? No. Imagine you’re a stranger looking at yourself. What things would immediately catch your eye? Ugh, let's not. When did you feel the most confident in your life? Probably my senior year of high school. I was happy with Jason with plans for the future together, I was doing excellently in school... I thought I was really going to go somewhere. Do you think love is needed to have good sex? For some people, no. For me, loving one another is an absolute must. Do you think, or want to, die in the city you currently live in? Fuuuuuuuck no, I hate it here. What is the strangest thing you have ever encountered? Probably when I was otw home from my doctor appointment and we passed a random guy in drag walking on the side of the street... That guy is an icon. Favourite soft drink? It's really strawberry Sunkist, but I love it to a degree I don't even allow myself to drink it, because I will fucking destroy that shit so quick. So I tend to just say Mountain Dew Voltage is my fave. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy, period. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No, but it sounds fun. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhhh idk. Who depends on you the most? My snake. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Yes; William Clark and Queen Victoria or Queen Elizabeth, idr which. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Mom. She only has one kidney, so, y'know. She kinda needs at least one. I wouldn't even hesitate. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Unconditional love. What three things do you think of most of each day? My weight is #1. Every second of every day, it, as well as Jason, are somewhere towards the front of my mind. The final is financial and job-oriented stuff. Does/did your high school have pop machines? It did. Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yeah. How often do you use Flickr? I pretty much abandoned my account; nowadays I only occasional check my friend's profile who works at the Kalahari Meerkat Project because she uploads wonderful pictures of the 'kats as well as gives interesting info about them! Who is the last child that you took a photo with? Mom took a picture of me holding my youngest niece Emerson because it surprised everyone; I NEVER hold babies. She crawled over to me and reached up though, so of course I was going to pick her up. How often do you wear hats? Never. Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Sure! Idk what, but I'm rather sure I'll get at leaast one. Is anyone in your family sick at the moment? No. Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? My older sister is a mammographer, and my younger sis is a social worker. Where is your favorite place to buy groceries? Wal-Mart, I guess. Who do you generally talk to the most? My mom. Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname? Mom is "Mama Bear," and then my siblings are "Little Sister" and "Big Sister." Whose birthday is coming up? My lil sister has her birthday in April. Have you ever ordered from an informercial? No. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? I needed to get blood drawn for some testing. It was drawn from my inner elbow, obviously at the doctor. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? I never have, but it'd be fun. I enjoy puzzles. How many followers do you have on Instagram? I don't feel like checking. What’s the most recent music video you watched? Thoughts? "Mutter" by Rammstein. I picked a screenshot from it to draw, so I rewatched it to select one. It's a beautiful video, but also strange, which Rammstein is great at. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. What makeup products are your go-tos? If I wear makeup, the bare minimum is black eyeliner. Are you going to school this year? No. I gave college as many shots as I could handle both sanity-wise and with finances in mind. I do NOT want to even ATTEMPT to imagine the debt I have after going to three different colleges and dropping out each time. What is your favorite water activity? I enjoy just kinda swimming around aimlessly, relaxing. What are your favorite video games? Okay, I talk about SH2 and SotC enough on questions like this, so I'll mention some others I really enjoy as well: the Silent Hill franchise in general, Spyro games, The Last Guardian, both The Evil Withins, The Last of Us, some Resident Evil games (the 4th in particular), etc. etc. I just love video games. Do you like jello? I enjoy the flavor, but the texture makes me squirm. When was the last time you gave someone "the finger?" Probably while riding in the car with Mom when a dumb motherfucker swerved into our lane. Or something like that, idr the exact occasion. Have you ever held a snake? Yesssss, I want to hold all the snakes. ;_; Most unique place you’ve ever been to? Uh. I guess maybe the Whirligig Park/"Acid Park" nearby us? It's just this large expanse of unique architecture that are mostly, as you guessed it, extravagant whirligigs. You've got to see it if you come to the town. I have some pictures on my deviantART if you wanna see a few pieces. If you were a superhero, what color would your cape be? NO CAPES! Have you ever slept out on your porch all night? Oh fuck no. I'd feel way, way too unsafe. Do you like horror movies? Yeah! What’s your favorite Coke product? Just normal Coke. Watergun or water-balloon war? Watergun. I don't like being hit with stuff. Do you know anyone that’s afraid of elevators? I kind of am. Is there anything in your room that belongs to a boyfriend, or a friend of the opposite sex? I have three plushies from Jason, Tyler, and Girt. My Marilyn Manson poster is also from Juan. Who’s your favorite Beatle? I don't know; I was never a big fan, so I don't know any of them as people well at all. Have you ever texted an ex whilst drunk? How’d that go? I've never been drunk, but no, I've never texted an ex because I was drinking. Do you have to stand on your tip-toes to kiss your boyfriend? I don't have one. The only instance where I had to do that was with Girt. Tall motherfucker. Have you ever been tackle-hugged? Yes. Those are the best. Have you ever rejected someone’s kiss before? Girt once tried to make out with me and I noped the fuck outta that situation. It was so fucking awkward. Is your mood or the overall tone of your day often affected by the dreams you had the night before? My nightmares definitely can. Do you think that there are any positive aspects or outcomes of suffering from a mental illness? If you have a mental illness, do you think it has changed you for the better in any way? I definitely believe my mental illnesses forced me to mature faster and also instilled a great sense of empathy in me. And don't forget emotional endurance. What is your opinion on celebrity culture and celebrity worship? Have you ever been guilty of putting a celebrity on a pedestal? Do you think it’s somehow more acceptable/understandable to obsess over certain types of celebrities (musicians over YouTubers, say) than others? At what point do you think an obsession like that crosses the line? It's dangerous and can be very blinding. An outsider could say I put Mark on a pedestal, but I've always been very aware that he's not perfect and really just another human, I just happen to love him a lot for the human he is, haha. As time's passed, my vision of him has become healthier though (not to say it ever reached the "unhealthy" threshold); it's gotten easier for me to judge him and stuff like that. I think an obsession crosses the line when you put on rose-tinted glasses to look upon someone and entirely ignore their flaws, or if you try to invade their personal lives, ex. being one of those creeps that loiter outside their houses and stuff. If you were to pursue a career in photography and had the opportunity and means to photograph whatever you wanted, what would most like to photograph? Ah, livin' the dream. If I had to choice and would be paid well regardless of focus, I would absolutely travel and photograph the local nature/wildlife. Is there a certain type of clothing (outerwear, activewear, loungewear, etc.) that you enjoy shopping for more than others? Shirts, 100%. Are you ever afraid to post your ideas, artwork, photography, etc. online for fear that they will get stolen or not credited? When it comes to OCs, yes, given that things have been stolen from me before. Photography doesn't worry me much because I don't think I'm good enough for someone to possibly want to steal it (and besides, I use a watermark), and I do the same for drawings. It's the unique characters I make I worry about being stolen if I share them. When is the last time you did something sexual? A few years back. Who is the last person you showered with, if anyone? I haven't showered with someone since I was a little kid and my younger sister and I would to conserve water. What do you think when you see roadkill on the side of the road? It really makes me genuinely sad, and I always wonder if it could have been avoided if the driver was more alert, slower, and thinking about more than the damage it could cause to their car... I enjoy photographing roadkill, brutal as it may be, out of respect for them and the desire to make their individual stories known and just kind of like, raise awareness of it. Too many people are just annoyed by hitting an animal versus more concerned. "Stupid deer," stuff like that. I sometimes worry that doing so can be interpreted as disrespect, to photograph and publish pictures of their corpses online, but I sure hope not. It's the least of my intentions. I just want people to see and care. Have you ever had an ex that just didn’t understand that it was over? Biiiitch I was that ex, 120%. But besides my situation with Jason, this was how Tyler was. I had to tell him about five thousand times to stop texting me. Are your fingernails currently short or long? They're always pretty short. Would you rather have big or small dogs? I like medium-sized dogs most. I'd have to pick large dogs between the two, though. What is your favorite sports drink? I'm not a fan of sports drinks. What was the last compliment you gave a guy? Yesterday, a guy in PHP shared two poems he wrote while hospitalized, and they were wonderful, so full of passion and emotion. I sure as hell told him they were amazing. He's going for his Master's for poetry, so he knows what he's doing for real. Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock? It's popped on very, very few occasions. Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids “the talk”? I don't want kids, so no, I've never thought of this. I certainly wouldn't wait for sex ed in school, though. I feel like it's a bit late. I feel children need to know what it's about at a younger age with how disgusting some people are... I want them to be informed on what consent and molestation are so they know to let Mama know so I can punch someone's face into a whole new galaxy if they're ever violated. Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something? Oh, always. Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up? I did as a kid, sure. Not so much now. If you were married, and your spouse’s parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? If they were truly sick enough to need assistance but not actual hospitalization, yes. I'd want my spouse to do the same for me. Have you screamed in a pillow before? Yyyyep. What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Electric. Did you actually have a cookie jar? We have a Santa one, though I don't even know if we ever used it versus just having it as a decoration. What’s worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed. What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? Bottom lip. Do you think that knowing when and how you’re going to die would ruin your life? "Ruin" it seems a bit extreme, but I definitely wouldn't like it. Do you have a favorite bromance? From TV or a movie. Not really, if we're only talking those two options. Do you find flea markets and thrift stores enjoyable? Yeah, you really can find the coolest shit for great prices. What color is your wallet? Mostly red and white; it's a Harley Quinn design. Have you ever been somebody's photography subject? No. Nicki Minaj fan? I believe she's a very talented rapper, but I don't enjoy her actual music. I just don't like rap. Have you ever seen the Niagara Falls? No, I wish tho.

[magicrowiswritingstuff]

"Screw ups" - Damian Wayne x female!reader

Summary: The reader hates everything associated with love. No romance novels or movies would every cross and survive her path. She hates seeing couples kissing in public, hates seeing how her friends find their loving partners and only talk about that from then on but nevertheless she still tries to support them. But then she falls, she falls hard. And from all the people in the world it had to be Damian Wayne, her best friend. Someone she had sympathized with because he felt the same way about all this stuff. But now she wasn't sure anymore if she really hated all this stuff.

Warnings: swearing (reader swears A LOT in this)

Category: fluffy angst (?)

Words: about 11.000

Note: Reader and Damian are in their late teens/early adult years. They go to school/university together or something idk Note 2: I really tried to make Damian´s character authentic (even though it´s an AU … sort of) but I still think it´s kinda iffy ... but I guess it´s better now then before I rewrote some of it thanks to @quillsareswords​ advice of using thesaurus.com and rewatching the movies he was in. Nervertheless I hope whoever is reading this enjoys it since it was a lot of fun to write.

_________________________________

"Screw ups” - Damian Wayne x fem!reader

"No way" you huffed and crossed your arms before your chest. One eyebrow was raise as you looked at your friends, one of them holding a DVD case out to you. Big white letters spelled out the title: Titanic. "You all know I hate these kinds of movies. I thought we had agreed to watch anything else during our movie nights?" You and your closest friend group decided a long time ago to meet at least once every two weeks to watch one movie together. Where you would meet cycled through the group at first but now you would just meet by the person who picked the movie that time. And one condition you established was: Every movie was allowed as long as it wasn't primarily a romance movie. You had to settle on 'primarily' because otherwise all your friends wouldn't have agreed. But Titanic definitely didn't fall into that. Under no circumstances would you ever watch it. Your friends looked at themselves and snickered before turning back to you. "You really thought we didn't notice?" Confused you narrowed your eyes. Something was up. "Notice what?" "Oh my god, you really think we are blind, don't you?" one of them said with a shocked face. You couldn't tell if it was staged or not. But what you knew was that you probably wouldn't like the path this conversation was heading. "What the hell are you talking about?" You slowly grew annoyed, especially when your friends began to giggle again. "We saw you listening to 'All of Me' from John Legend." In an instant your eyes widen and you could feel your cheeks getting hot. Fuck. "No, you didn't! You couldn't... because I don't listen to that crap" you stumbled over your own words as you tried to deny it. But you had already lost the debate because it was true and they knew it already. "Don't try to deny it, (Y/N)" one said. "Yeah, we all saw the way you look at him." It felt like your heart stopped beating for a second. Your hands and feet suddenly felt so cold while you could feel the heat rising inside your chest towards your cheeks again. Fucking dammit, why were you blushing so goddamn much? "Who?" was the only thing you could say even though you already knew the answer. And they knew it too. "Who? You really think we are blind and dumb!" one of your friends said with pouty lips. "Who, you ask? Gotham's one and only billionaire's son Dam-" before they could finish their sentence you put your hands over their mouth, shushing them. "Don't you dare say it out loud! I'm not looking at anyone!" "Ow, it's so cute how you still try to deny it." You growled, the awkward heat from before was replaced with hot rage. "I'm not fucking cute! And everything you say and think is not true!" Good, why were you still trying to deny it? It had no use anyway. They would never let it go. They would never let you go. "It's so heartwarming!" "You definitely have to join us on a double date!" "I can't believe I'm living to this day! Witnessing (Y/N) having a crush." "But why did it have to be Damian? He's so cold." "No, they match perfectly! Two stones that will warm each other’s heart." "Stop it!" you yelled. "It's not cute or heartwarming it's fucking humiliating. I don't like it one bit and would gladly change my feelings back." It was silent for a few seconds before all your friends faces stretched into huge smiles. "She admitted it! She said she has feelings!" You only groaned and let yourself fall onto the coach before the TV, no longer listening to all their chit-chat. You knew you shouldn't have listened to that sappy song in public. Even with your headphones on it was stupid of you. Now they would never let it go. Oh god, they will make you watch all their favorite romance movies! And talk about their relationships endlessly. About dates they went on or poems they found and liked. Yikes. No, only because your body made you feel this way whenever you saw him didn't mean you suddenly liked all this shit. It was still fucking annoying and dumb. It was still something you didn't want for yourself. Of course you loved your friends but that was something completely different. For them you would do almost everything. You listened to them when they told you about their partners or dates and you always tried to be supportive. And you did the same for Damian. He was your best friend even though your body, your feelings demanded more. But you still didn't like it. You hated it. You would never watch a romantic movie or read a romance novel. You would never get roses and put them into a vase to see them slowly die over a few days. You would never run through the world tinted in pink. But you couldn't help it sometimes. You had found that song on accident. And you wanted to click it away but then you heard the first few words and it lulled you in. It made you feel like a prisoner. But it felt so good too. God, you were disgusting. "Guys, guys! We have a problem." Your eyes darted back to your friends who still stood in a circle and talked excited about you. "What?" You bend forward a little and worried what they were plotting again. "(Y/N) will never ever act on her feelings! She will never confess!" Oh no. You stood up before anyone else could speak up. All the attention was back on you. "No way, don't you dare tell him anything about this." "Oh, you admitted it to be him!" They started giggling … again. You huffed. "Okay, yeah I have a crush on Damian. So what? It's not like he will return it. So you better not tell him anything or I will make you pay. I don't want to lose the only friend that shares the same view about all this crap. All this feelings bullshit is only complicating everything and I'm just waiting for it to pass." All your friends that looked so excited only a few seconds ago now looked sad. They pitied you. One stretched their arm put towards you but you backed away. "God, I can't deal with this shit today. Go watch your movie without me. I'm leaving." You stormed to the door, grabbed your jacket while running and threw it on you before shutting the door behind you. Today was definitely not your day and you couldn't wait for it to end.

_________________________________ Oh, but the next day wasn't better in the slightest. All of your friends spammed your group chat with all kind of 'lovely' pictures they had found on the internet together with 'subtle' messages about love and feelings. You knew what they were trying to do. They wanted you to confess. But that would never happen. You would never let that happen. You silenced the chat and distracted you with anything else. There were a few clothing pieces that maybe needed to be cleaned? You did the laundry. You found dust on your dresser? You cleaned the whole apartment. Your favorite show was on TV? You dropped everything else and escaped into it. Well, your distraction held as long as your phone was silent because after maybe four or five episodes it dinged. You grabbed it, a little confused since you had silenced the group chat for 8 hours, but the message that now held your focus wasn't from your friends´ chat it was from your chat with Damian. Without knowing what it was about your heart began to beat faster and you could feel a small smile form on your lips. Shaking your head you tried to suppress it. 'Stop it, no. Don't be stupid.' But your body didn't obey you. You opened his chat:

"Are you ready?" A confused frown adorned your face. "Ready for what?" you texted back. It only took a few seconds for him to respond. "The art museum." Oh shit. Your eyes grew wide. In your struggle to forget all that feelings bullshit and Damian you actually forget the agreed meeting with Damian today. You looked at the clock: it's almost quarter past two and you were supposed to meet at two o'clock sharp. "Fuck." "I knew you would forget it." That somehow hurt even though you knew Damian was always rather blunt so he often said something hurtful he didn´t intend to be. Though, you also knew yourself to be pretty forgetful. But it wasn't often that you completely forgot a planned meeting. Most of the time you just forgot how long you had to walk or drive to arrive to the agreed place so you would almost always arrive there late.  But you would arrive. "I'm sorry. Tell me where you are and I'll be there in a minute!" He didn't respond but you still saw that he was online. Impatiently you waited for any kind of reaction that didn't come. Then suddenly the doorbell rang. Surprised you jumped a little and then slowly made your way towards the door. Opening it you had to look up to greet the person standing behind it. "Hello, (Y/N)" Damian said with a smirk. "Hey" you were only able to say and stepped aside to let him in. Closing the door afterwards you stood still for a second, pressed your eyes close and tried to calm your breathing before turning around to face him. "I'm so sorry, I was doing so much stuff today I completely lost track of the time." He waved you off. "It´s alright. I intended to pick you up anyway since Alfred isn´t driving us today. Your absentmindedness fitted very well into it." You huffed, crossed your arms before your chest and raised one eyebrow. "I'm not that forgetful" you stated annoyed and a little hurt. But you tried to remind yourself that he didn´t mean it that way. ´Pull yourself together and start thinking again!´ "Not normally at least" you added, dropped your arms to your sides and walked past him to your room. "Let me change and we can be on our way." You looked at yourself through the mirror on your bedroom wall: baggy shirt and sweatpants. Nothing unusual, nothing Damian hadn't seen you in before but you felt a little embarrassed anyway. 'Stupid, mushy feelings.' Opening your dresser you grabbed anything else to wear. "How was movie night yesterday?" Damian's voice rang through the living room to your ears. "I left early" you stated in a matter-of-fact manner and tossed the baggy shirt on your bed. "Why is that?" You groaned before putting on the new top. Stripping yourself of your sweatpants you also tossed them away before opening your wardrobe and grabbing clean looking jeans. You also put them on and then left your room after one final check in the mirror. Damian had took a seat on your couch and turned around to look at you. "They tried to make me watch titanic" you finally answered him. You made a gaging sound which made Damian snicker. Rolling your eyes you grabbed your phone and keys. "Now come on let's go, I kept you waiting long enough." _________________________________ The museum was more entertaining than you thought when you agreed to go. Well, you couldn't really decline since you had chosen last time and Damian definitely didn't like what you made him do. You had dragged him to Gotham's fair. And even though you sometimes forgot he was the son of Bruce Wayne the general public definitely didn't. Most of the time he just tried to escape the paparazzi while he left you to yourself. He said he didn't want you to be involved with all this stuff and you gladly agreed. You didn't have to end up on the front page of every tabloid of Gotham. "Who is Damian Wayne's new girlfriend?" "Gold digger alert! Someone is throwing themselves at the billionaire's youngest son." God, you wouldn't be able to take a breath without them writing about it. At first you just grew more annoyed by them by the second but at the end of the day you were mostly sad that you couldn't really enjoy the time together. That's why he wore slightly more casual clothes than he would usual wear right now. He didn't want the day to end like the last time the two of you tried to have fun. And lucky for both of you nobody seemed to notice or care, at least for now. But what was undoubtedly boring was looking at all of the drawings. Damian wouldn't leave out even one! And when you questioned him about it and if it was fun to him he only responded with one of his typical sayings: "I wasn't raised to have fun." In the past you were a little surprised and worried whenever he would say something like that especially because he never would provide any specific reasoning or any kind of explanation even if you asked him directly. But now you only raised one eyebrow at him before deciding to change his grouchy mindset. So that´s why you decided to make it a little more entertaining for yourself and him. While Damian still mostly tried to figure out the deeper meaning of the pictures you just blurted out the first thing you thought about when looking at them with the goal of making him laugh and have fun even if it´s only for a little while. Currently the two of you were looking at Jean-Honoré Fragonard's 'The Swing' and once again you just couldn't stop yourself. "It should have been called 'The S-Wingman'." Damian turned around to look at you rather irritated. "Don't look at me like that. Look!" you pointed to a man on the right side of the picture almost engulfed into the shadows. He was holding some strings that were attached to the swing the lady was sitting on. "They definitely planed it so the other one could look up her skirt." Even though he really didn't want to Damian couldn't suppress his laughter completely. Low grunts left his lips before he groaned in annoyance. "You are insufferable. Why am I tormenting myself with you?" You punched him in the rips playfully and staged a wounded look. "How dare you insult me, you arrogant prick" you said with a vain sounding voice. "You just don't get the higher understanding of art, fucking loser" you joked. Damian huffed under his breath: "Watch your tone." You knew he didn't like it whenever he heard you cussing but well, he just had to get over it. Besides, you already were swearing a lot less when you were around him then when you were with anyone else. "Deal with it, Wayne."

You two kept joking around when you suddenly saw something reflecting in the corner of your eye. You turned towards it only slightly before realizing what or better who it was. A man with a far too obvious disguise and a big camera -far too professional to be a tourist's camera- was looking at the two of you. With worry in your eyes you tugged at Damian's sleeve to get his attention and then mouthed 'paparazzo' as soon as he looked at you. He noticed them only a second later. Grabbing your arm he walked into the crowd, trying to lose the man following you. Damian fell into a sprint as soon as you both left the room the paparazzo was still in. He directed you to an almost empty room in which a new, only temporary artwork was standing in: a weird constellation of mirrors. It looked like a mirror cabinet. But what you also noticed was that this room didn't have another exit. Before you could ask Damian what his plan was he dragged you along with him again. It was this moment you realized that it didn't just look like a mirror cabinet, it was a mirror cabinet. And you would be hiding in it. Well, at least that seemed to have been Damian's plan. The only problem: it wasn't constructed to be a functioning mirror cabinet. There was only one way leading right through it with only one small corner in which you would be out of view. This meant that the two of you were now tightly pressed against each other, trying to fit into the small space. With Damian's rather big frame? Almost impossible. You never were so glad you were smaller than someone else because if you would have met his height you would have had to press your face against his. And with your current feelings bullshit? God that would have been a living hell. But maybe that would have been better than being almost squeezed to death by his chest. You were never so close to him before. You could feel every muscle under his shirt move, his heart beating and his breath on your head. You tried to breathe in deep to calm yourself down but that only made it more awkward since you now knew exactly what he smelled like. 'God, please somebody end me right here and now!' An annoyed almost helpless sounding grunt left your lips which only made Damian press further into the corner. "Be quiet! If he finds us now the headlines will never end" he hissed. You tried to look up at him, squeezed your head past his chest and caught his eyes. "It was your fucking idea to hide here in this awkward position!" you whisper-yelled and glared at him. God, you could feel the heat rising up in you again. 'Not cool, body' you thought. You were definitely blushing right now. Then your eyes widen in realization. "When do we know that he left?" Well, you didn't. You stayed in that position for too many minutes. After you almost had a heart attack Damian finally moved and let you breathe out deeply in relief. "Anyone out there?" you asked but didn't move. Somehow you couldn't, you were frozen in fear of stumbling. Damian shook his head and turned towards you again. He laughed a little. "God, if someone would have found us..." "We would have seemed like the most disgusting couple ever!" you finished his sentence out of reflex and laughed as well. You were such a mess right now. Your emotions were on a roller-coaster and your knees weak. 'Pathetic.' "TT, ironic." You giggled. Yes, giggled. You never giggled. You laughed, you grunted, you grinned, you smirked but never ever in your life before had you ever been giggling. You had to leave this place right now. "Let's get out of here" you said. Still snickering -you somehow didn't seem to be able to stop- you grabbed his wrist and dragged him along. Maybe some fresh air would calm you down. _________________________________ After leaving the museum -you promised Damian to go there with him some other time since he couldn't finish his walk through- you found your way to the nearest park. Unfortunately so did many couples too. Since it was the one nice day in Gotham many decided to go picnicking. Your thoughts were literally split in half. On the one hand you bickered with Damian about how insufferable they all were and how you hated all this sappy nonsense -and you really did hate it- but on the other hand you wished it to be the two of you sitting on a blanket, looking deeply into each other's eyes, kissing. Shaking your head you forced yourself to stop. You whished all this feelings would just stop. It would only end up ruining everything. You didn't want to lose your best friend just because of some chemicals in your body that made you feel and act like a complete idiot. You needed something to distract yourself. Don't think about the people around you. Don't think about what they do and how much you would like to do that too currently. Don't think about Damian in this way! Stop! "Are you alright, (Y/N)?" You flinched, caught off guard and looked up. You had stopped moving so Damian was a few feet in front of you. He examined you with one eyebrow raised and waited for a response. The green of his eyes looked so vivid in this moment it completely sucked you in. You were definitely starring. "Ye-yeah, everything's fine." You cursed yourself silently for stuttering. 'Get your shit together!' "Just lost in thought." Your eyes wandered behind Damian and you stopped talking. Today was not your day. Before you could speak up, grab Damian and leave or do literally anything it was already too late. "(Y/N)!" one of your friends yelled. They were running towards you now, with huge smiles on their faced that read ´Got'cha´. Damian looked confused but also vaguely pissed off before he turned around. You walked up to him, standing next to him now before your friends could reached the two of you. Damian greeted them briefly but you just glared at them with a death stare. 'Don't you dare!' 'Oh, we dare.' "Hey Damian!" your friends greeted back. "What a coincidence meeting you here!" "Why are you all here?" you asked sternly. Some began to snicker. Oh, something was up. They had something planned. "After our movie night yesterday we decided to make it a surprise sleepover. And because of the nice weather we then decided to go walk around town together" one explained. "We would have asked you to join but we knew you were busy." You nodded. For only a split second all your friends looked at themselves before shifting their attention back to you and Damian. They had agreed on something silently you just knew it. "That reminds me" one started and stared at Damian while continuing to talk. "How was your da-" "Great" you interrupted immediately before they could finish their sentence. Oh. My. God. They really dared to do it. They wanted to make you confess or they would do it for you. You could feel your cheeks heat up again. Fuck. You hoped Damian didn´t notice anything but knowing him now for quite some time he probably already suspected something was up. One quick glance from the corner of your eye confirmed it. His eyebrows were knitted while his eyes darted between your friends. He was already trying to put the pieces together. "Great" you repeated. "Except for one paparazzo following us." "Oh, how unfortunate." You could have smelled the sarcasm from across the street. You knew what they meant. You had told them about the last meeting with Damian. And they knew what a picture would have caused and thought that that maybe would make you confess. Oh, but you won't break. You just couldn't. "Hey, how about you two join us?" one suggested. "Yeah! We are on the search for some ice-cream right now. Come with us." You wanted to decline immediately but that would have made Damian even more suspicious. So you pressed your lips together and looked up at him. You asked him silently with one raised eyebrow if he would like to join your friends. He knew how they were. He knew their tendency to talk about all the stuff you two disliked. So you hoped he would decline for you but he didn't. He shrugged his shoulders and said: "Whatever." Which basically meant he just gave his approval. 'Goddammit, Damian you will be the death of me!' You sighted and nodded. "Okay."

You never felt so exhausted while being with your friends. You were always on the watch, listening to what they said ready to intervene if necessary. But they only teased you, you knew it. They used weird words that had never left their mouths before -code words- which only made you even more paranoid. You were considering killing them. Well, not really. But you wanted to get back at them so bad for making this so hard for you. You had thought they noticed how much you hated your current situation but it seemed like they didn't care. You felt yourself drifting away in your thoughts so you shook your head. 'Come on, focus!' You couldn’t let them tell him. Then suddenly one of your friends squealed in excitement which made you jump in surprise. "Look! So sweet." You followed their sight to see a man proposing to his girlfriend. Of course, all your friends would like that. They began to swoon over it and talking about how they wished this for themselves too. "Uh, yikes" you said under your breath and crossed your arms. Someone pricked you in the side which made you turn around. But only Damian was standing to your right and his arms were tightly pressed against his sides. He felt your gaze and turned towards you. Immediately you could feel your cheeks getting hot. You looked away, now staring at the ground. Digging your nails into the flesh of your arms you focused only on your breathing. Or at least you tried to. Your thoughts were torturing you. You could only think about Damian. About his eyes, how they shined in the summer sun like all the hues of nature. Like the kind of sparking green of the grass that fought its way to the surface after a cruel, unforgiving winter. About his inky hair which reminded you of the pelt of a black wolf. Groomed but somehow still a little intentional messy in the most mystical, dangerous way. About his smell that hadn't left your nose since the museum. Fresh and woody like nature but with hints of his oil paints you knew he always used. But there had been something else, something more, something tougher. Wouldn't you know it better you would almost say he smelled a little bit like steel too. You thought about how his body felt pressed against your own, his heat slowly passing over to you, the beating of his heart. "Earth to (Y/N). Hello?" You blinked rapidly and looked up. You were surrounded by your friends who looked at you with staged concern. They tried to suppress their wicked grins. How did they know what you were thinking about? What the hell was going on? "Your face is so red, are you alright?" "Do you need something to drink? Sit down?" "We don't want you to have a heatstroke." You shushed them by shaking your head, your arms dropped to your sides. "No, don't worry. I'm not having a heatstroke" you said. But your friends wouldn't let you be. Of course not. They had a mission to fulfill. "Well, what else could it be?" One touched your forehead and cheeks. "You feel really hot." "If it's not a heatstroke what else?" "Are you upset?" "Were you thinking about something?" "Or someone?" You froze like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. Now your friends didn't even try to suppress their grins. They had you cornered. "What are you talking about?" you said in a dismissive manner. Your hands began to get sweaty and your heart beat faster than ever before. You felt dizzy and angry and anxious. Damian's presence didn't make it easier for you since you could feel him beside you, his gaze burning on your skin. How could you escape this situation? God, what to say? What to do? "Well, if it's not a heatstroke maybe you are just blushing." Your eyes grew wide. Oh fuck. "N-no" you wanted to add more, say more but your throat felt so tight, you couldn't speak up. Out of instinct you tried to back away only to pump into someone. You didn't even have to turn around to know that it was Damian, the grins of your friends already told you so. You flinched away from him, afraid of his touch. No, you couldn't let it happen. You held your hands up defensively trying to get some distance between you and him. "Are you feeling alright?" Wouldn't you know it any better you would have thought that Damian was hurt about your reaction. But your mind probably just played you tricks. "Oh, (Y/N)'s peachy" one of your friends said and hung an arm over your shoulder. "Hasn't she told you?" another added. Damian looked at you confused but you couldn't meet his gaze. You felt so helpless and idiotic. Why did you tell your friends? Why didn't you just deny it? Why were you stuttering? "No" Damian said a little wary. He also seemed pretty helpless but you were on a completely different level. You were absolutely with no doubt on the highest anxiousness and nervousness level with no clue what to do to prevent what was coming. "Well" another friend began and also put their arm around you. "Our little Miss 'Love is bullshit' has a-" "Stop!" you bellowed while breaking free from your friends grasps. Hot rage bubbled inside of you. "What the hell is wrong with you? You are supposed to be my friends! " Your breathing was livid. "I can't believe I'm dealing with you all!" You tugged at your hair, trying to not break out in tears right then and there. That would only be embarrassing. Not that all this wasn't deeply embarrassing anyway. "God, I-why... Aah!" you yelled not knowing what else to do, turned around, turned away from your friends and stormed of. Or at least you tried to. You only got away a few feet before someone stopped you. Damian had run after you and now stood in your way. Looking up at him you prayed you wouldn't start crying. "What's your problem?" he asked still pretty confused but now also annoyed. The day hadn't gone as he planned or imagined it to go. "Nothing" you tried to sound dismissing but your voice broke at the end. "I see something is bothering you so don´t try lying." "It's nothing!" you said anyway, clenched your teeth and walked around him. You had to get out of here. You had let it went too far even though you knew all this feelings stuff would destroy everything you had. You doubled your fists, biting your tongue. "Stop avoiding it, stop avoiding me and tell me!" Damian yelled behind you. You could hear his footsteps following you. "Let me be!" But he didn't. He leaped forward and grabbed your shoulders, turning you around in the progress. His gaze was intense, sucked you in again. No! You shook your head. You couldn't. "Cut it and talk to me" he began. "What's your problem?" "You." The word had left your mouth without thinking. "What-" he started but was interrupted by you. "You are my fucking problem!" you screamed and regretted it immediately. Your eyes went wide and you covered your mouth with your hands. You could hear your friends gasp. Their plan hadn't gone like they imagined either. God, you were an idiot. What the hell were you doing! Your changes were now definitely ruined, not that you had any to begin with. "What did I do that makes me so repulsive to you? Everything seemed fine before" Damian said and let you go. Now you were pretty sure he felt hurt even though he didn´t show it directly. The way his eyes hardened to shut you out told you everything. You stepped back a little, shocked about what and how you said it. "Dami- God, that's not-" you stuttered and stumbled over your own words again. Tugging at your hair you groaned helplessly. ´What the hell, it´s too late now anyway. Might just give him the truth now.´ "You make me act like such a loser and I hate it and I love it at the same time" You just said not really knowing you were the one speaking. And when you noticed what you said it was already too late because you no longer could stop the flow of words leaving your mouth. "I have a crush on you." Nobody said anything for a few seconds before you spoke up again. "And I hate it!" you didn't look up, too afraid of meeting his gaze. "I fucking hate the way you make me feel. I hate to feel the heat bubbling inside of me. I hate that it had to be you because I don't want to lose the thing we had before I fucked it up. I don't want to become one of those couples I despised whenever I see them making out in public. And at the same time I do! I want to touch you, be around you, look at you, kiss and kill you simultaneously for making my feel this way. I-" you couldn’t think about anything else you could or should add. You looked up, looked at his green eyes and just waited for any kind of reaction that didn't come. He seemed frozen, maybe even shocked. You had never seen Damian caught off guard, startled like a deer in headlights, unable to form any responds. Not even a disgusted "pathetic" left his lips, something you were sure he would say after your confession because you knew how he felt about all this. You knew him more than he maybe realized. And maybe that was what had brought your downfall. You let him get to close to you. You were at fault. You were the one ruining everything because of your stupid feelings. "I should go" you said, turned away from him and walked away. You ran so fast you didn't even hear your friends yell after you. You didn't even see them while turning away because hot tears clouded your vision. The only thought on your mind during your run home was that you fucked it up. You fucked up badly. _________________________________ "Just let this day end already" you begged while tossing and turning in bed. It was late, something after midnight but your mind wouldn't shut up, wouldn't let you drift off into a peaceful sleep. You were far to rattled. Why had you told him? Why hadn't you just sucked it up and continued to pretend everything was alright? ´Because you had wanted him to pull you towards him. You wanted him to hug you, hold you and do all those stupid things you never thought you would like.´ Groaning you threw away your blanket and stood up. Grabbing your hoodie that was laying on the floor you put it and your shoes on. You took your phone from the nightstand and walked to the window. The cold night air that hit you after opening it made you shiver slightly. You buried yourself deeper into the comforting warmth of the hoodie and climbed through the window and to the fire escape. A small sight escaped your lips as you closed your eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the fresh night air on your skin. It wasn't often that Gotham felt so peaceful. You turned your head and looked up. Only three stories higher and you would be in the roof, your safe zone. Climbing up the metal ladder was easy, cold but easy. Your hands shivered after you reached the roof but it was definitely worth it. You loved to look over the city from your point. The building you were living in was definitely not the highest, so you couldn't see everything from above but you liked it anyway. You could sit on the edge all night, watching the streetlights flicker and listening to your music. It made you forget where you were, where you lived and how bad it got sometimes. But now the city was uncharacteristically quiet. Only one police siren was audible from your location. It was so far away you couldn't even see the red and blue lights flicker through the streets. You sat down on the edge and unlocked your phone. Opening the music app you pressed the random button. You had gone up to the roof to forget this day, to try to get your mind at ease but of course one of those sappy songs you were listening to currently was the one that was selected. A song you would have hated a few weeks prior but now you only rolled your eyes, locked your phone and listened to it. The soft tones danced through the night air and slowly but surely made you relax. You still couldn't stop thinking about today but it didn't feel so suffocating anymore. Sighting you let yourself fall backwards, now lying flat on the roof so you could look up at the sky. The beauty of today's day was still holding on which meant that not that many clouds were covering the sky so you could look at the stars. Everything was peaceful up there and you probably would have fallen asleep if someone hadn't interrupted your peace of mind. "What are you doing?" You flinched and jumped up in surprise. Turning around you met the white lenses of non-other than Batman's sidekick: Robin. "God fucking dammit, you almost gave me a heart attack" you cussed and turned back towards the edge, looking at the city again. "Not very heroic of you." The vigilante only huffed. "I asked you something." "Why do you care? It doesn't concern you anyway but if I'm planning something evil I will let you know, don't worry" you spat, not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Why was he here anyway? Didn't he have better things to do? "Shouldn't you run around town, I don't know, safe some people and stuff." You could hear faint steps coming closer to you. Peeking from the corners of your eyes you looked at him. He stood beside you, his arms crossed and jaw clenched. You had never been this close to any of Gotham's heroes before which was a good thing because normally that would mean you were in serious trouble and needed saving. But nothing was going on here so you didn't really know why he was with you right now. "Gotham is quiet today" was the only thing he responded to your question. You huffed, placed your arms on your knees and laid your head in your hands. Dangling your legs you let your eyes wander over Gotham but the vigilante beside you seemed to be on high alert since he looked around profusely. "Sit down and hold still you are making me twitchy" you said while darting your eyes back forward. It took a few seconds then he finally let himself relax a bit. He sat down with a few feet of distance and took his hood of. Immediately his dark hair got caught by the gentle wind and framed his sharp face. "You still haven't answered my question" he said after a while. "I have to disagree, I gave you an answer but it just wasn't the one you were looking for" you stated matter of factly. Robin groaned in response. You tried to concentrate on anything else, on your music that was still playing, on the cold air tingling the back of your neck, on the hard ground you were sitting on. Anything that would make you forget and relax again. "What are you listening to?" Robin asked and broke the comforting silence again. You darted him an irritated look. Why wouldn't he leave you alone? "I don't know, I pressed the random button." You answered in hope he would shut up then. But he didn't. "What's your name?" "Why should I tell you?" Robin turned towards you now as well. "Because I asked" he said likewise annoyed. "You wouldn't tell me yours if I asked so..." you responded half-heartedly and turned away. You could hear police sirens echoing through the streets again somewhere in the distance. "Why are you up here?" "Why do you care?" "Why are you so dismissive?" You looked at him. Your annoyance slowly turned into anger. "I don't know you and frankly I don't really want to talk to you or anyone right now. So maybe just do me a favor and fuck off." Robin didn't say anything but he also didn't move. An annoyed grunt left your lips. "Something is on your mind" he said without looking at you. "What's your fucking problem?" you hissed which made him knit his eyebrows, or at least you interpreted it in that way since his brows were covered by his mask. His jaw was clenched tightly again as if he had to suppress something he wanted to say. "What is my problem? You are the one being uncommunicative" he snarled back at you, his white lenses narrowed. You straightened your back and glared at him. "I didn't ask for your time. And maybe all those vigilante activities made you deaf or something but I don't want to talk to you" you said dwelling the last words very clearly annoyed. "I had a bad day- no I had a bad weekend and I just want to be alone right now." Robin's face softened a bit. He still seemed pretty annoyed but his jaw wasn't clenched anymore and his eyebrows relaxed slightly. "But maybe talking about it would help" he said quietly without pressuring you to answer him for once. You groaned and let yourself fall backwards again. One arm draped over your eyes. "I fucked up badly" you said no longer able to hold it in you. "I confessed something to my best friend and probably ruined our friendship." "Why do you think that?" You lifted your arm up to look at the vigilante again. "If I'm answering your questions you have to answer mine as well" you demanded. Robin hesitated. "Don't worry I won't ask you anything about your real self. Besides you don't have to tell me anyway if you don't want to answer a question." He still didn't say anything for a while before sighting: "Deal." You grinned in victory before letting your face fall blank again. "Why are you here? And don't come at me with 'Gotham is quiet'. You could relax at home or something but you are here. Why?" you asked but no answer was heard. Robin wasn't looking at you anymore, his eyes were wandering over the rooftops of Gotham's buildings. "I had a rough day, too. I think someone is angry with me" he responded finally. "Someone told me something important today and I think I didn't react properly and hurt their feelings in the process." You huffed. "You probably should have explained it better to them then." You could hear an almost inaudible, irritated sight coming from Robin. "They weren't listening." "Well, maybe they should have heard you out then." "They couldn't. They ran away before I was able to speak up." A weird feeling crept over you, something strangely familiar. You searched for his gaze but he was still looking straight forward. "Well, maybe they just couldn't stand what they imagined the answer would have been." The two of you were silent after that, nobody dared or wanted to speak anymore. After a while you grabbed your phone and looked at the time: almost two in the morning and you had to go to school tomorrow. Sighting you stood up. "I'm going to sleep, I have school tomorrow" you said and walked to the fire escape but turned towards the vigilante one last time. "Maybe you should too. Whoever you really are you probably still have a normal life." He nodded in response and also stood up. Walking to the other side of the building he grabbed his grappling hook. "Good night" he said before shooting it to a higher building. He was gone before you were able to respond. _________________________________ Waking up the next day -or rather four hours later- you felt awful. You just wanted to go back to sleep but you couldn't miss school today even though you really didn't want to walk into Damian today. Or every again for that matter. So that's why you avoided him all day. You walked to class not waiting for him -what you would have done normally- and ran out of the room before he could approach you. You felt so silly doing that but you just didn't have any other options. Your friends tried to talk to you but you avoided them too. Still too pissed at them for what they did. Or for what they made you do. Today was a living hell but after the last two days you could almost say you accustomed to it. You were only able to relax the moment you shut your apartment door closed behind you. Breathing in deeply you let yourself fall onto the bed and fell asleep immediately. You woke up hours later, the sun was already beginning to set when you realized you had still a lot of stuff to do. Groaning you stood up and dealt with everything. You even had enough energy to cook something. After you cleaned everything up you looked at the clock. It already was pretty late and completely dark outside but because of your nap you didn't feel tired. Sighting you decided to go up to the roof again. To your surprise somebody else already was on it when you arrived there. "What are you doing here again?" you asked while hoisting yourself up over the edge and sat down beside him. "Enjoying the view" Robin answered but you could swear you heard uncertainty in his voice. You arched one eyebrow at him. "For real?" you couldn’t help but ask in a sarcastic manner. "Pretty sure." "Why here? I've seen your grappling hook yesterday" you started and looked forward to the city. "You could swing up to Wayne Tower and not sit on this pathetic copy of a roof." A low sight left his lips. "What would be the difference?" "A magnificent view over all of Gotham?" you shot back. He only muttered something under his breath that sounded an awfully lot like ´Whatever´. You however would love to see this entire city from above. "I bet you would be so high up that you'd be able to breathe clean, fresh air" you sighted now fully engulfed within your imagination. "Seeing all of Gotham's lights flicker, being close to the stars. You probably would even be able to see the ocean." "Do you want to go there?" Your eyes snapped to Robin who was also looking at you. "What?" you asked and blinked confused. "Do you want to go to the roof of Wayne Tower?" he repeated. You still were a little shocked with his proposition. "Well, yeah. It would be cool but I don't think-" "I can bring you there" he uttered directly. Your eyes shone in excitement. You didn't even care that he had interrupted you. "Hell yeah!" He stood up with a smirk and held his hand out to you. You were only hesitant for a second before accepting it. "Hold on tight" he said and pulled you towards him. A little awkward you wrapped your arms around his neck. You were one hundred percent certain he would twine one arm around your waist but luckily for him he didn't dare to do it. But would you even be able to hold your weight all alone? Before you could speak up to tell him your concern he already shot the hook to the next building. You felt your body being pulled forward so you hold on as tight as possible. You just had to be able to do it on your own. "That was awesome!" you declared a little out of breath. It had been absolutely amazing swinging through Gotham but at the same time it had been a little terrifying too. Now the two of you were standing on the very top of Wayne Enterprises. Your legs were a little shaky but that didn't stop you from slowly creeping to the edge. Sitting down you let your eyes wander over the whole of Gotham, enjoyed the fresh air and wind blowing through your hair. "Damn" you were only able to say. Gotham was a shithole through and through but at night with the flickering street lights and so high up you couldn't hear the police sirens it felt really peaceful. You stared into the distance when your eyes widen. "You really can see the ocean from here" you whispered. You were so stunned you didn't even notice Robin taking place next to you with almost no distance between you two. Well, after your swinging adventure it really wasn't necessary anymore. But because he was so close now and before you were able to smell the leather of his uniform, the steel of his katana that was attached to his hip and a faint scent of wood and nature that hung on him like a shadow. The strange feeling from yesterday slowly fought its way to the surface again. "You didn't have to bring me here, I wasn't exactly nice to you yesterday but thank you" you finally broke the silence. He only grunted in response. You guessed that he wasn't angry at you and if he was he could have just dropped you earlier. "How are things?" you started again. "With them, I mean." Robin shrugged his shoulders. "I think they're still upset with me" he said still not looking at you. "They avoided me all day." "I'm sorry but maybe they just aren't ready to talk about it?" you suggested. "Why do you think that?" You scratched your neck uncomfortably. "Well, I kind of did the same thing" you muttered. "What happened between you and your best friend?" Robin asked and you remembered that you didn't really tell him. "I-Ehm" you spoke up but stopped. "God, it's so embarrassing and fucking stupid." You buried your head in your hands. "Watch your tone" Robin muttered under his breath and bit his lips immediately afterwards. You just ignored it and rolled your eyes. "I confessed to him that I have a crush on him" you finally said. Why were you even telling him that? Well, he didn't know you so he hopefully wouldn't judge you. "And I hate it so much" you continued. "Why is that?" he asked with an arched eyebrow. "Because I hate this mushy feelings nonsense. All my other friends are very romantic and bubbly about this topic and I just can't stand it. Or I used to at least. God, I don't know anymore. But he was the only one that got me. We could walk around Gotham and bicker about all those couples, make jokes about how disgusting it was, how neither of us liked or wanted that for ourselves. But then of course I had to catch feelings and it had to be him. And my friends found out and teased me and hinted on hit while he was there and..." you had to stop yourself to take a breath. You were definitely rambling. "And I ended up confessing and messed our friendship up." You lifted your head up but didn't look at Robin. Somehow you didn't dare to. For a few moments you only tried to calm yourself down again, breathing in deeply and staring at the lights of the city. "And I don't have the courage to face him" you finished your ramble. Robin reached one hand out to you but stopped before he touched you. Instead he pressed one finger against his earpiece and furrowed his brows. You stared at him from the corner of your eye. "Yes, I will be there shortly" he said to whoever was on the other end of the line before turning his attention back to you. "I'm sorry but I have to go" he said and stood up, holding his hand out to you again. You took it without hesitating this time and wrapped your arms around his neck again. No time to waste since he was needed somewhere and you didn´t want to be the one to keep him away when he was needed. You landed on your roof only a few minutes later, no shaking legs this time. You let go of Robin who opened his mouth but didn't speak up. Probably because he was listening to the message through his ear piece again so you just waited. "Yeah, I'm only a few streets away" he answered the person and then looked back at you. "Go inside, something is up only a few blocks from here" he ordered. You only huffed. "I can handle it if something should happen here" you responded and crossed your arms over your chest. Robin´s lenses narrowed. "I didn't ask." For a few seconds the two of you just stared at each other passive aggressively before you rolled your eyes and nodded, giving your okay. You could hear police sirens coming closer. Something big really must be happening only around the corner. Robin had turned towards the sound and grabbed his hook. But before shooting it he turned towards you one last time with some of his dark hair fallen into his face. "Good night and stay safe, (Y/N)" he said and disappeared in a hurry. "I-" you started and frowned but he was already gone. "I never told him my name." You sat on your roof quietly for a few more minutes even though you agreed you would go inside, his smell still in your nose and the picture of his black, messed up hair in your mind. The smell. A tough smell of leather and steel mixed with the softness of nature and freshly cut wood. And if you weren't imagining things he also smelled a little like oil too. "Oil?" you wondered. Then your eyes widen in realization. "Oh, fuck." _________________________________ How did you not realize it sooner? The voice. The way he spoke. How he didn't leave you alone on the first day of your meeting. His height and appearance. How he reminded you of your foul mouth. Finally his smell and him knowing your name. To say you were livid would have been an understatement but you somehow also felt really numb since you connected the dots. You stayed at home today. You didn't dare to go to school today. But now you were sitting on the roof again, hoping he would show up. But the time went on and everything kept quiet. 'Maybe something happened he had to deal with today' you thought while dangling your legs over the edge. It was already a few hours after midnight and even though you were rather tired and yawning profusely you would stay on the roof all night if you had to. The soft tunes of some random song were lulling you in again, so much that you didn't hear him landing behind you. "You´re still up" he said in a stunned voice but not questioningly. It was more of an objective statement. Nevertheless it made you turn around in shock. "Can you like not do that every time you come here?" you asked and pressed one hand against your wildly beating heart. Even though you didn't really know what the real reason was. His arrival or simply his presence? "Sit down, I have to talk to you about something" you commanded and turned away from him. He followed your request and sat down beside you. "What is it?" he asked with concern in his voice he desperately tried to cover up with irritation but you noticed it anyway. Now that you knew you suddenly were able to read him. "You want to tell me something?" you answered with a counter question. He only raised one eyebrow in confusion. The silence wasn't comfortable it was tense. You collected your thoughts before turning towards him. "I know" you only said but he seemed to understand it immediately because now both of his eyebrows were arched in shock. You kneeled down in front of him, your face only inches away from his nose. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you play me like that? Did you enjoy how I made a fool out of myself in front of you again?" you couldn’t help but yell at him. You felt hurt and betrayed. "I can't believe you did that to me!" "Stop. Listen to me before you draw one of your conclusions again" he growled, now also kneeling in front of you. You crossed your arms before your chest and huffed. "One of my conclusions? Again!" you howled but stopped yourself and shrugged your shoulders in a downgrading manner. "Okay, sure. Explain yourself then" you snarled. "What else was I supposed to do? You avoided me, didn't even let me respond to your confession" he spit back with clenched teeth. "It was the only way to talk to you." "Maybe I didn't want to talk to you about it yet, Damian!" you threw back at him. "I despise the way I feel. I wanted to let it pass, never tell you about it but then all this crap happened. And it messed everything up." You no longer could meet his gaze so you stared at ground, slow backing away. "I fucked it up. And I just can't..." Robin, or rather Damian stayed silent also looking away. Hugging your knees you placed your head on them and watched over the city again. You had to calm down first before doing anything else you might regret again. "Were you telling the truth that day?" he suddenly asked which made you look at him again. You wanted to respond immediately but he interrupted you. "Except hating all that feelings stuff" he added. You closed your mouth again, too ashamed to answer him. "I don't know. I'm not sure" you finally answered. "I know that I still don't like seeing couples being completely over each other, or cheesy rom coms or stuff like that but... I think I wouldn't mind it if I would do this things with you" you stopped and looked at him but you couldn't meet his green eyes only his white lenses. "God, that sounds so disgustingly sweet." That last part made him chuckle which made you laugh a little as well even though it was more of a nervous laughter. "You said that I didn't let you speak that day so... you can do that now" you said. Did you even want to hear it? His response? Suddenly you felt very vulnerable. You had opened up to him, confessed your feelings and he could break you down with one single word. "Well, I would have told you that-" he began, not stuttering even once. You felt jealous. Perfect Damian Wayne didn't even stumble over his own words now. He edged forward, towards you so he would be as close to you as you were to him before. He spoke up again: "That I'm relieved you feel so for me because I would have not been able to pretend any longer." Your brows narrowed in confusion before your eyes finally widen in realization. "Wait, hold on. Wh-what?" you stammered and blinked furiously. "Did you just-" "Return your confession? Yes." You backed away out of instinct but only a few inches. Your mouth opened and closed many times without sound coming out of it. Far too rattled, caught off guard to form any words or sentences. "Hang on" you managed to choke out. Pressing your forehead against your hand you needed a few seconds to process what he had just said to you. "You want to tell me that you -you! The only other person I know who hates all this feelings nonsense- is returning my feelings?" you said questioningly and faced him again. Confused, arched eyebrows adorned your face. "Pretty much, yes. But I could throw that statement right back at you" he responded and leaned back with a smug grin on his face. And of course, he was right. "Since when?" Damian shrugged his shoulders and scratched his neck. "I don't really know. I noticed it a few weeks back but it was getting really hard to pretend a couple of days ago." You nodded in agreement. "I can't believe it" you muttered. All this drama for nothing, all this time he felt the same way. And you didn't notice. "Can I kiss you?" You were definitely blushing again, or maybe your blush never left. Your eyes darted back and forth between his white lenses, not really knowing where to focus your glance. Unable to form any words you just nodded and Damian crept closer. Intuitively you wrapped your arms around his neck again, like you did yesterday but now to close the distance between you two. For one split second he stopped moving, looked at you, at your eyes before placing his lips on yours. It felt like an electric shock ran through you and you tensed up but only for a moment. Then you melted into it and responded the kiss. It was sweet, no heat, nothing hidden beneath. Just an innocent first kiss that made your heart beat higher. Your fingers slowly stroked the hair on the back of his head while Damian's hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer to him. You were certain he could feel your heart beating like you could feel his against your chest. Then his lips left yours, they left you breathless. You opened your eyes after a few seconds of trying to calm down. You couldn't even remember closing them in the first place. When you looked up you meet Robin's mask, Damian had only backtracked a couple inches. "Can I?" you asked and placed your hands on the edges of his mask. You wanted to see his eyes, you needed to. He nodded after looking around to make sure no one was watching or could accidently see him. Slowly you peeled it off and underneath were sparkling green eyes. Eyes so green you couldn't find anything right now to compare them to that would do them justice. You placed the mask beside you and let your fingers wander over his skin. Then you placed them on both sides of his head and pulled him towards you again, you kissed him again. His lips moved against your own, his hands wrapped around your middle and pulled you flush against him. This kiss was more heated, still rather innocent but not that cautious anymore. You never wanted to pull away from him but after a while you had to catch your breath. Breathing heavily you stared at his eyes. "But we- all this... that doesn't mean we have to go on double dates with my friends now or watch sappy romance movies, right?" you asked anxiously while his face was still only inches away from yours. "Of course not" Damian chuckled. "I still hate that." You breathed out in relief: "Good." Then you kissed him again. You just couldn't help yourself, he felt so intoxicating. He was like a drug, he lulled you in and you couldn't resist. But Damian didn't seem to mind since he responded eagerly. When you eased back out of the third kiss you wrapped your arms around his middle and hid your face in his chest. Breathing in you could smell the leather and steel again but being so close you also notice the faint smell of wood, nature and oil paints. Damian buried his face in your hair and huddled you against him. The two of you stayed that way and enjoyed the silence. This conversation definitely didn't go like you imagined but the outcome was surprisingly better. Sighting you turned your head slightly so you could watch over Gotham again. This night was undeniably not as peaceful as the ones before but somehow you didn't register the loud sirens echoing through the streets. And the red and blue lights didn't seem as aggressive as they normally did. For you everything was perfect, everything was at ease. The air was cold and danced around you, blew through your hair and tickled your nose. You could hear Damian's relaxed breathing which slowly lulled you in. You had never heard such a hypnotizing tune before. It even made you forget that your phone was still playing your music. "You're Robin" you said after a while. It wasn't a question; you just had to repeat the fact after everything that happened tonight. Damian nodded anyway; you could feel his head move. "Does that mean Batman is ... your Dad?" "Yes" he hesitantly answered since there was no use in lying. His body tensed up underneath you anyway. "Okay, cool" you said your face and voice blank. "Are you alright?" he questioned and shifted a bit to get into a more comfortable sitting position. You sighted, not letting go of him and snuggled closer. "Yeah, yeah. Just let me... process all this. Today had a lot of surprises" you retorted. "Didn't think my crush would return my feelings and reveal himself to be Robin and then confirm that his Dad, Bruce Wayne, is Batman which explains a lot by the way." You could feel how Damian's chest moved when he chuckled at your words. "To be fair, you were the one who revealed me, you found out I was Robin" he stated. You tried to free yourself from his grip to look at him again but Damian only loosened it a bit. He still had his arms wrapped around you but you know were at least able to see his eyes. "Maybe you should try to keep your secret identity a, well, secret" you told him with a huge grin on your face. He nudged you in the side which made you squeal. Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment again. God, you were making sounds you never imagined would ever leave your mouth. "Hey, it's not my fault Mister Perfect made the mistake to call me by my name when I didn't tell Robin" you explained. "It's not my fault when you make me act like an idiot" he stated defensively. "Is your world tinted in pink?" you teased and stuck your tongue out. "Isn't yours too?" he threw back at you. "Well, currently it's green" you whispered while staring into his eyes and creeping so close your noses almost touched. Maybe your mind played tricks on you since it was pretty dark but you could have sworn you saw a red hue cover Damian's face. "God, we sound disgusting" you said to end his suffering but didn't move an inch. He played you the last couple of days so now it was your turn to have some fun. "I don't mind, with you at least." "Fuck, was that something like a compliment leaving your lips?" you asked and staged a shocked face. "Shut your foul mouth" Damian growled and pulled you even closer. "Make me" you grinned. "With pleasure."

   _________________________________

Addition: "Wait!" You pushed him away from you. "Did you know the mirror cabinet would only have that small space to hide in?" Damian smirked at you wickedly. "Maybe." "I can't believe you!" you howled indignantly and tried to wiggle out of Damian´s grip but without success. "Why did I have to catch feelings for you, you mean prick! That was total agony for me while you enjoyed it, didn't you?" you yelled while you could feel not only your cheeks but your complete head getting hot. You punched his arm which only made him laugh. "Maybe" he only said again while looking down on you with a mischievous grin still on his face. "God, I hate you." "I hate you too" he responded in the same sarcastic manner before giving you another quick kiss which you returned eagerly.

[nostalgiaispeace]

1950.

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? i think i do a good mix

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? i use bookmarks

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee = sugar. tea = sugar and honey

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? yeah

6: do you keep plants? no

7: do you name your plants? -

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? poetry

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? sure

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? idk

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth

13: what’s something that made you smile today? my husband

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? idk...bookish

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! no.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? pesto

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? blonde

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. idk

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? sometimes

20: what’s your favorite eye color? blue

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it is a lana del rey tote.

22: are you a morning person? no

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? tumblr, watching a movie or reading

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yeah

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? not my thing

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? idk

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? peppermint

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? idk

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yeah

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i’m not a fan anymore; sure; no; no

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. we went to bed

33: what’s your fave pastry? i’m not really a pastry person

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? it’s a frog; nanny; a frog; yes

35: do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? sure; no

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? none

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i don’t really care tbh

38: tell us about your pet peeves! leaving out dirty dishes

39: what color do you wear the most? black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? it’s my wedding band, yes

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? troubled blood

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! no

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? idk

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? yesterday

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? sure

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. no

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? sushi

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? loved ones dying, yes

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes; AA like a house on fire

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? nothing odd

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? helpless

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? idk

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? yes, no, yes, yes, i like them fien

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? idk

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? idk

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? idk

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? no, it makes me happy tho

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? idk

59: what’s your favorite myth? idk

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yeah sure. i like emily dickinson and lana’s

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? idk

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? no

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music yes books no. no

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? blue

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? jordan

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? peaceful actually

68: what’s winter like where you live? COLD

69: what are your favorite board games? Life

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? chamomile

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yes

73: what are some of your worst habits? biting my nails i guess

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. no

75: tell us about your pets! she’s my baby

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? yeah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? idk

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? off white, no

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. nooooo

82: are/were you good in school? yeah

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? idk

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? not really

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? i have, the umbrella academy

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? not sure

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? idk

89: are you close to your parents? my mom

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. no

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no where

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drowns it

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? bun

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my dad

95: what are your plans for this weekend? chill

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? depends on my mood

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? idk, capricorn, hufflepuff

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? idk not my thing

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. no

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? back.

[ughthatimagineblog]

When John Met. . .

john mulaney x reader

prompt: you’d loved him for years, before, during and after his fame, but what happens when you close your heart and he tries to win you over? oh, by the way, it’s in front of millions of people. requested: @lundqvistisgod warnings: cursing? kissing? word count:4232 a/n: jesus christ idk why it took me so long to shit this out. it was a beautiful prompt and the idea for the skit came to me from my fave fave fave rom com ever pls enjoy

       You knew you wanted to be a writer, but staring at screens all day with the accompanying hum of machinery is not what you had pictured when you would think of your dream job. It never occured to you that maybe writing isn’t as simple as just “writing”. It had, but of course you were blindsided by the glitz and glamour of the flashing lights you had in your mind when it came to success in your dream career. Writing for Saturday Night Live was a dream… Sometimes. A lot of the time it was constant meetings with producers, stuck up famous people, more writers and interns that didn't know what the hell was going on. But at the same time, neither did you.

       However, there was something off about this draft for next week’s show. It didn’t have a host written in. You looked over your computer to Pete who was also clicking away at his desk. You had come to be quite fond of him over the past couple of years. You were about the same age but you met him when you were also a clueless intern, prime in your senior year of university and he was only slightly more familiar to the studio than you were and just a little bit more outgoing which made him the perfect person to cling onto while you learned the ropes. It didn’t matter whatever you went through, he was there to help and it often saddened you to think of the day he moves on and expands his career without you. It was something you didn’t enjoy dwelling on and out of all the ups and downs you both had been through, you know you’d never trade them for the world.

    One of the biggest issues you’d had that Pete had helped you with was John. Yes, John Mulaney. You’d met him towards the end of your intern years as you were invited back as a full time employee and writer for the show and he changed your life. He gave Pete a run for his money and even caused a little fight between you both while all three of you were first writing for SNL. You had spent so much time with John it drove Pete wild and he didn’t understand it until he drove you to confess your feelings for him. You and Pete knew you hadn’t had much luck with guys or felt so strongly for someone since high school so it was kind of a big deal for you. Alas, it did not last long and you were given the chance to move on as John left the show to pursue his standup career which turned out to be fruitful.

      You remember seeing his shows start popping up on Netflix and then he’d have new ones every now and then, still performing in New York. You even went to see a few a couple years ago. But over time your frequent conversations became, well, less frequent. Every day turned into every week, every week into every month and every month into every year and then not at all. The world kept turning and he had forgotten. 

     By the time he’d returned to SNL to write you’d figured he’d become another washed up celebrity you both used to snicker at. You’d assumed the jabs in his shows were just quips to pander to audiences that were alien to celebrity life and not genuine like they would’ve been years ago. Now he was almost thirty two, much more skilled in his practice and you were closing in on twenty five and still at the same job you started at just with a higher pay raise and a little more creative freedom.

     It pained you sometimes to see him around, to be forced to interact with him. There have been several late nights with your pal Pete where you would just rant about John and how hellish it was having to work with him again. Of course, Pete would listen and offer sage where he could but overall you would do most of the talking. At one point, he asked if you’d even spoken to him to see if your assumptions were true. You admitted you hadn’t. At least not in any way that had been genuine. You worked with him so of course you had to speak with him but not for longer than moments at a time and not for any more than a few words. It was all you’d offer John. It broke you when he left, it broke you again when he changed, something still unconfirmed but you were sure of it, and you couldn’t allow yourself to be broken again. Your fingers flicked the edge of a packet of paper idly as you debated asking Pete for help on the somewhat empty screen plan in front of you. He looked busy, like he didn’t want to be bothered and had better things to do. Besides, you were starting to feel bad about how much you ranted to him. Of course you let him rant to you as well but it was nothing compared to what you needed to let off and you could tell how much it was wearing on him. Little did you know, though, that Pete wasn’t necessarily tired of your rants, he was more tired of being the middleman. John, since coming back to SNL had been coming to him for advice as well. He knew that Pete was your closest friend and wanted to know how to get close to you again so John would go to Pete. They’d exchange emails and text, even going out for a beer a couple times a week all without your knowledge. Well, Pete would have a beer, John would go for the water or tea. If Pete let you find out, he knew just how angry you’d be and how you’d never let him live it down and he’d go down as the traitor friend who let her long time unrequited love just walk back into their lives with no fight. But that’s exactly how it was. Pete and John became really good friends since he had come back and actually found more things in common than just ‘you’. During this formed friendship, Pete learned John actually felt for you. In more ways than he had ever led on.

      You sighed, finally caving in and opened your mouth to ask Pete why there were blanks in the forms when one of the interns walked into the office with a bouquet of flowers. Pete’s eyes quickly looked up from the monitor to the intern and back to you with a questioning look. Only a moment more and you stood. “Um, hi, can we help you?” You said, voice soft. “Yeah, these flowers are for a,” The intern paused to look at the note in her hands. “Y/N.” They looked back to you expectantly. “Oh, that’s me. Are you sure that’s correct?” You asked, doubt lacing your voice as you looked between Pete and the intern. They nodded, showing you the card. Sure enough your name was written in calligraphy and signed, ‘Secret Admirer’. You smiled, furrowing your brows a bit in confusion. “All right. Well, thank you.” You took the flowers from the temp’s arms and set them on your desk, staring at the card.

      “Well?” Pete’s voice jolted you from your train of thought. Looking up from the piece of paper between your fingers you saw his expecting expression. “It’s from a secret admirer.” You laughed, giving the card to Pete. He smiled, shuffling in his seat as he turned it over in his hands. “Someone in the office likes you.” He grinned and you rolled your eyes. “Yeah well, very funny Pete but valentines day isnt until next year.” You turned back to your desk, ready to work again, already forgetting about your earlier question. “It wasn’t me.” His tone was serious. Looking back up at him, his face matched his voice. “You mean this wasn’t a joke?” He shook his head and you returned to your work, noticing your coworker had sent you a couple emails regarding a different project and for the rest of the day, the blanks in the form and the anonymous love had been forgotten.

      For the next week, conversation with John had grown and you realized, maybe, he wasn’t as stuck up as you had previously believed. He was still kind, still funny, and still knew you better than most. But you were still wary, moving farther away when he would get close enough to, what seemed like, hear your heartbeat. Or sometimes he would say something that would edge between friendly and flirty and you’d change the subject, shutting it down before your face could heat up. But even as the interactions frequented, so did the flowers.

       Followed by chocolates, and gifts that were surprisingly personal to you, each coming with a new note that became more detailed over time and by Monday, table work day, it was obvious your admirer was on the writing team for this upcoming Saturday. You smiled as you unveiled the card tucked into the sleeve of the coffee cup before you, which by the way, was ordered to your specific liking. Amused, you turned to Pete, leaning on your desk, reading the note out loud. “I hope you enjoy this special cup of your favorite blend. I’m looking forward to seeing you later today- later today?” You paused, surprised. Pete’s eyebrows shot up as a mischievous grin spread across his face.

       “They must be in the table room for later.” Pete shrugged, leaning back in his chair, biting on the end of his pen with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Must be.” You giggled. “Nice sweatshirt by the way.” Pete said with a pointed look. You looked down and felt your face heat up with the realization. You had bought a shirt online with a reference to one of John’s show’s on it. Despite everything you had claimed, you still admired him and were proud. You were really just scared of getting hurt. “You know it’s nothing to be ashamed of but-“ He checked the time. “We have to get to the meeting.” You nodded grabbing your coffee and the notebook, heading out the door with Pete.

        You were halfway down the long hallway towards the table room when it finally dawned on you. “Oh yeah, Pete, there was a mistake in my forms. Who is the host? The spot was blank?” You asked as he reached for the handle and opened the door. You walked into the room, still waiting for a reply from your friend. You wouldn’t get one. Sitting at the table was two other writers you were not super familiar with and then John. John Mulaney sat at the head of the table. One of the writers turned to you and smiled. “Y/N, John’s going to be our host this week.” Shutdown. Your brain began to shut down. This meant youd work with him more. Every day for a lot longer than just a few seconds. You were so shocked you didn’t feel the hot coffee that was now on your hands as you had squeezed the cup too hard. 

      “Oh, shit.” You cursed, face heating up and the horrid chain of events unfolding before you. John’s face changed from smiling to concerned as he leapt up from his seat to help assist in the cleanup.

    You stood in the breakroom, water from the sink left running as you leaned against the sink while John was applying Neosporin onto your burn. “Does it hurt?” He asked softly, eyes focused solely on the injury before him. “No, not anymore.” You managed to get out. He was so close. Your cheeks felt hot and even though he towered over you, the proximity made him feel small. “I told you, it’s not that big of a deal-“ You were cut off by him shushing you. “Hey, I wanted to help so I’m helping.” You rolled your eyes as he finally made eye contact again. “You’re wasting time.” He scoffed. “Pete and Megan can handle it for a while.” You shook your head and it fell silent. “Nice sweatshirt.” He grinned. “Shut up.” He laughed and your heart clenched in your chest. You loved his laugh. “No animosity. It’s a good bit.” He turned to reach for the bandaid. “Yeah, a lot of people seem to think so.” You said, a hint of venom in your tone.” His eyes shot to yours. “Is there something wrong?” John’s voice has both concern and hurt in his voice.

       “No. Put the bandaid on.” John’s hand withdrew. “No, now I know something’s wrong.” You looked at him and sighed. “You’ve just been gone and you’re different.” You confessed. “I’m different?” You nodded, crossing your arms, flinching and then uncrossing them. He muttered a “Give it here.” before taking your hand again and dabbing it with a cool cloth more. “You left a long time ago and it was hard seeing you go. And then it- you got really really big and famous and soon enough you were just like them.” Your words felt small saying them aloud. His expression was incredulous. “Like them? Like who? Like the people we used to shit on? Y/N, I’m not ‘like them’. I haven’t changed. But every time I’ve tried to show you that since being back you’ve backed away. Pulled away. If anything you’ve changed.” Your head snapped up at him, a ping of hurt went through you.

      “I have not changed. I just don’t know when you’re going to leave again so I’d rather not lead my own feelings on and let you get close to me again just for you to run off again.” Your eyes closed after you finished confessing, only in the back of your mind registering what you had told him.

       “Your feelings for me?” He asked and your eyes opened. “Yes. And I’d rather not re-open that wound if you’re just going to run off again. But thank you, for trying.” You grabbed the band aid from his hands, which were shaking but you were too quick to notice, and left. You left him in that break room with no room for a response or time to register. You didn’t want or care to know his response.

     Saturday finally came and so did the end of working within more-than-close proximity with John. He had talked to you the same amount as the days before, not mentioning what you had told him, treating you just the same and eventually your heart sank at his indirect answer to how he felt in return. But the secret admirer never stopped sending gifts. Another cup of coffee, more flowers, your apartment was filled with them, and more food. By the time your last gift came in today, you marched down to the other writer for Saturday’s episode, Michael’s office to tell him to stop. You knew it was him, especially after Monday. At first it was sweet but at this point you didn’t like him that way and knew you had to tell him.

    You knocked on the threshold and leaned in the frame. Michael’s eyes popped up from his desktop and smiled when he saw you. This was going to be hard. “Hey, Mike, I just wanted to say thank you for all these little gifts but,” You walked further into the room to make sure you two were alone. “I don’t like you in that way. I’m sorry. I just have feelings for someone else and you’re a great guy, and I-“ 

      “Stop, stop, stop. I didn’t send you those gifts.” Michael said, a smile on his face. “What?” He chuckled. “Yeah, those gifts that intern’s been delivering? Those aren’t from me. Thanks for thinking it was me, but they weren’t.” He smiled with a closed mouth before returning to work.

     You left his office perplexed. Who could it have been? Maybe Pete had been doing it as a joke. You would wait until he got off of lunch to confront him and tell him how mean that was but for now there was work to do and a show to air.

      Night fell and Pete returned just as everyone was preparing for places and you nearly stabbed him with your own finger when he got back. “You asshole!” His arms flew up and the couple steps he took back from you were staggered. “What the fuck?” People shoved past as you pressed on. “You sent all that bullshit to me?” Pete’s face turned on a dime as he registered what you implied. “No! I did not!”

      “Do not lie to me, I talked to Michael, he didn’t send them.” You claimed, crossing your arms, brows furrowed so deep you felt like you hadn’t moved your face for ages. “Of course it wasn’t Michael. Michael is gay, Y/N. But that’s not even the top reason why it wouldn’t be him.” You shrugged, throwing your arms and feeling one of them flop to your thigh as your other hand came up to pinch the bridge of your nose. “Then who did?” You released the bridge and looked up with a questioning gaze. Pete only returned with an equally expectant stare.

     It registered and your turned towards the cast hallway in horror and surprise. “No.” Your voice sounded distant, even to your own ears. You stood there, frozen, people bumping into you in a hurry as they passed. What was really ten seconds felt like thirty minutes before Pete sighed. “Yes, it was him.”

       “And you didn’t tell me?”

“He wanted it to be a surprise! He told me this is what he was going to do and holy shit, finally. I was so sick and tired of you both secretly pining for each other like, what kinda bullshit is that?” Pete rambled for a few moments before finding your unresponsiveness a little tiring and walking off. Your feet moved you before your brain did after that. Back to your office, to put away a couple folders given to you by some bustling assistants, cameramen or more interns, then they carried you back while the anxiety built up. You came back to see John take his place, an assistant handed him a bottle of water and he took a drink, catching your eye. The director began to count. You smiled and he waved back and they hit five seconds. The audience was in place, you were next to camera man A, aka James to oversee how well the script ran and soon enough, John began hosting.

             His bit ended sooner than expected and he came straight up to you the moment the cameras were off of him. “Was that okay?” He asked, half jogging up to you, nearly chugging the water he was given. “Yeah, you did great.” You nodded, offering to hold the bottle for him but he shook his head in response. Your head was still reeling, not forgetting about the fact he was the one to send those gifts but not knowing how to ask about it. “I have to do a couple more skits before I can bring you on.” He admitted, signaling you to walk with him. “What?”

       “I talked to Lorne and Don. They agreed to let you do a skit with Aidy and I. It’s close to the end and I talked to Inga. She agreed to do your makeup and hair while I go on to do my other ones.” You failed to speak as he explained and all you could do was stutter. “I won’t even know what to say? This is not what we wrote.” You tried to weasel your way out of it. “It’s an improve. You’ll do fine. Kate comes in around the middle so if you start dying she can help.” He nodded with reassurance as you reached his dressing room and opened the door to meet Inga, Louie and Cara. “Oh god.”

     You waited in his room long after he left. His costume changers were also there to help, which you were booted for, but welcomed back in as he went on. They changed you into your costume which fit you surprisingly well. Well cut skinny jeans and a nice shirt. Inga did your makeup to compliment your face and eyes and your hair to complete everything. “I must be one of the normal ones in this one, huh?” You quipped and Inga just smiled which, admittedly, worried you. Just as you were about to dwell on it too much, the door opened and Stella, the girl you liked to call the cue girl, opened the door and waved you out. Your breath was shaky and steps were uneven as you made the trek to the stage. She informed you they had three minutes until the commercial break was over, the musical guest would introduce the skit and they would signal you to go on with John. You nodded adamantly, not bothering to tell her you knew how the show ran in fear of throwing up the moment you opened your mouth. Three minutes passed faster than they should have and right before you were about to ask about them rigging the clock, John came up, dragged you to side stage and whispered “Break a leg.” You smiled up at him and his eyes found yours with a soft look. It felt safe. The musical guest walked onto the main stage and introduced the skit. “New Years Eve” they had announced and before you could think of how odd it was, considering it was August, they started counting you down from behind the camera and it was also only then you realized the room was packed with extras all wearing party clothes. You recognize the scene immediately.       “When Harry Met Sally.” You muttered. The camera guy’s hands counted down from ten as Aidy rushed you into place. “When John Met Y/N.” She said and winked, walking away. “What?” You asked, panic and confusion now flooded you. The room was so crowded and she was gone before the man hit five. Four… Three… Two… One… Everyone in the room began counting down as the music kicked up and the twinkling of party decor littered the set. Your confusion was appreciated but genuine as John approached you. He had the nerve to drag you into this. Your confusion turned to anger and you no longer cared. “Dammit, John, what the hell is this?” You made a vague gesture around the room. It was improv technically, or at least, you could play it like it was. The look in his eyes told you he knew it wasn’t. “You drag me into your crap the moment you come back like nothing has changed? And you sent me all that other stuff like nothing has happened? Don’t you care about me? Because if you did, you’d know you can’t just walk back into my life like that. It doesn’t work that way.” Your heart gasped. You’d said it. “Well, I do care about you. I care about the way you bite your lip when you get real nervous,” He wasn’t.      “I care about how you can never make up your mind whether you want tea or coffee and how, despite claiming you hate me, you still wear my sweatshirt. And most of all I care about how, even after all this time, your laugh hasn’t changed a bit and even after I leave work and go home to my apartment at night, I can still hear it in my head. Away from home, that's what I missed most. And come to think of it, you are what I missed most and it killed me you never knew how much I loved you before I left.” He finished and it took a few moments for the blood to stop rushing in your ears long enough to realize the crowd had stopped counting and you could hear the tail end of the audience’s ‘awe’. “And all this?”       “Surprise.” He whispered sheepishly, coming close to your, his arms coming up to your biceps as you had crossed your arms earlier. “You’re an asshole, yknow that?” You smiled, as he leaned down to kiss you. “Believe me, I know.” Your lips brushed his and he smiled through the tender kiss before pulling away. The audience clapped as you both pulled from each other. You looked around. “Did you plan all this just to ask me out on a skit?” You realized cameras were still rolling. He nodded and turned to the camera. “That’s right folks, you just witnessed an elaborate plan to ask the love of my life out on a date instead of an actual skit. That’s something you just paid money for. Thank you all for watching… “ You turned away from him and the giggling audience to find Pete off stage. You smiled softly at him and mouthed ‘thank you’. He smiled and winked in return. “... And goodnight!” John finished and came back to kiss you more as the credits rolled and the music resumed. Maybe he wasn’t stuck up, but he was right about one thing. Famous people are weird.

[galactichoneybee92]

Some Improbable Season 5 Headcanons

Fair warning: These things aren’t going to happen. But while I’m obsessing, I sometimes imagine possible scenarios that would be interesting to watch play out. Perhaps a more industrious person would write these into fanfiction however, I am not that person. And so you get a half-assed  Tumblr post about my imaginings. Please enjoy:

1. What happened to the sword? I don’t remember, I just know that it broke and now Adora is unable to become She-Ra (Until she inevitably learns how to do so without the sword as Madame Razz was clearly insinuating was possible to Mara) But I like to imagine that she lef the pieces of the broken sword where they lay. I also like to imagine  a scenario in which Hoard Prime has his clone minions doing recon on the new planet and they find the pieces of the sword. Later, they bring them back to the ship. 

Skip to a scene where Catra and Glimmer are present, perhaps being questioned about someone his troops have heard about called She-Ra, a defender of this planet. He wonders aloud if this She-Ra will be someone he will have to contend with, only to have one of his troops present the broken pieces of the sword. “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about anything like that, Sir. I have it on good authority that there is no more She-Ra” (Or something like that Idk how they talk) He smiles, meanwhile Catra and Glimmer poorly try to conceal their reactions. They have both been operating under the assumption (hope) that since the planet survived, that Adora did too. Not knowing that Adora shattered the sword herself, tey are now faced with the horrifying realization that perhaps Adora didn’t make it out of this and that for both of them, their last interaction was horrible. 

I like the miguided assumption that Adora has died, mostly because I want to torture the two of them a little for being butts, but also because often people don’t appreciate what they have until they lose it. Even having “lost” Adora like Catra did, she still saw her regularly. They still interacted, even if those interactions were fighting or exchanging snarky banter. Even if someone hates you (Which Adora clearly doesn’t, Catra, you’re just being self destructive)  that hatred is still a form of ackowledgement- It’s not the same as losing someone entirely. I want to see the two of them (But mostly Catra because she’s my favorite little disaster) forced to face with the reality of Adora’s “death” Especially since in Catra’s case it’s sort of like getting what you asked for and realizing that it wasn’t what you wanted at all. 

I want Glimmer specifically to witness Catra’s reaction to this news as a way of gaining a deeper understanding of the relationship between the two of them. I feel like Glimmer has never viewed Catra as very nuanced, instead just grouping her into a box, labeling it “villain” and calling it a day. Realistically she’s never had any reason to consider any of the layers of Catra’s character but I kind of find it odd considering that Adora used to be best friends with Catra. Has Glimmer really never wondered why? Never thought that somewhere under all the snark and barbs there must be a reason why Adora loved her  was her friend in the first place? 

Lastly, I’m a sucker for a dramatic entrance, and if they think that Adora is dead, they’d never expect her to show up, which leads to self indulgent imaging number two...

2. Sneaky spy Adora. I feel like I am perhaps giving Adora and Bow too much credit here because espionage has never really been their strong suit, but imagine for me if you will a scenario in which they decide to be subtle. The two of them sneak onto Hoard Prime’s ship and do some spy work, trying to decide on the best course of action to take him out and get Glimmer home. This would be a great opportunity to give Adora a much needed costume change and while realistically I know that the whole vibrant 80′s theme isn’t going to allow it, I would love to see her in black. Also something backless, but that comes into play later in part three. This all ties together. I’ve had a lot of time to plan this. 

So they sneak in and while like, peering out from an air vent or something (Idk the make up of the ship ) she is shocked to see that Catra is there too and that while she and Glimmer still snap at eachother and exchange dirty looks and stuff, they are reluctantly working together. I imagine their situation is sort of like, they come out and do various activities on the ship, whatever Hoard Prime deems them useful for, but they are locked in a cell overnight. Adora observes both situations while trying to get the layout of the ship and formulate a game plan.

I’m not going to say that Bow having actual real live pointy arrows made for long distance stabbing would be an advantage instead of his like, novelty prank arrows buuuuuut..... I know that this is a kid’s show but there are other cartoons that allow characters to get stabbed and stuff like, it could happen. It won’t buuuut anyway....

While running around the ship (in a dramatic hooded cloak that covers her face because of course, what do you take me for) and like, sabotaging things and preparing to dismantle this whole operation, Adora runs into perhaps both Catra and Glimmer but at least Catra (Because sorry Glimmer, I do actually like you but like, I’m playing favorites hardcore here) Maybe she helps with something they’re trying to do and gets caught. They don’t realize it’s her but now this mysterious hooded figure is on their radar. And then when the actual attack happens Adora gets her big reveal and it’s super dramatic and they realize that not only is Adora alive, she was the one they met earlier and just. I’m trash for that kind of trope. Really I am. This then leads into the big battle which also leads into point number three...

3. This point is less concrete, but do you remember Adora’s backless number? Perhaps a black halter top of some kind paired with black pants? Yeah? This is why it’s important. When Adora and Bow finally make their move, Bow goes to rescuse the girls while Adora levels her attack on Hoard Prime. Catra and Glimmer are in their cell and hear alarms start going off. They startle, frustrated at being trapped and unable to know what’s happening outside.

 Then Bow shows up in his own dramatic black hooded cloak (He’s very happy to shed it and let his middrift free once more. It’s felt very unnatural) they’re shocked to see him. But like, it works because Catra probably knew that someone would come for Glimmer but it makes since that it would be Bow since Adora is “dead.” Maybe in a previous conversation (During the time in which the two hesitantly began bonding, because you can’t tell me that’s not where this is going) Glimmer expressed doubt that anyone would come for her after she did such a terrible job being queen. Anyway with Bow here, he and Glimmer hug and they make their escape, the three of them, during which someone questions Bow on what’s happening and he just says that Hoard Prime is being distracted.

Why is the rescue mission just Bow and Adora? Idk. Didn’t think that far ahead. Just go with it. Maybe the other princesses are waiting for their cue to join in later. Maybe it’s because there isnt any water or plants in space and they’re kinda useless. Maybe Entrapta will join in (She has to actually, so she can reunite with Hordak and then he has his whole amnesia thing but like, that’s not part of this. That is a seperate post) Anyway the important thing is that they aren’t here at this point. 

So, Catra and Glimmer are confused about who is distracting Hoard Prime and then, there we go. The dramatic entrance. They look and see Adora in her new outfit, mid-battle with Hoard Prime. And like. It’s a hard battle and she isn’t really making any progress on her own, but she’s fighting really hard and well. I feel like people often forget that Adora was top of her class back in the Hoard like, even if she isn’t She-Ra she’s got to be pretty bad ass and whether the show wants to explore this or not, I will.  I have a theory for this that I will expand on in just a bit. 

So they go to join her only to realize that theres like an invisible barrier preventing them from joining. Maybe it’s a security measure made to protect him from attack that she used to trap her in there with him, while simultaneously keeping his minions out. Maybe it’s just because I want Catra and Glimmer to be forced to watch this battle for a bit while Bow tries to disable the force field but it’s mostly because I’m shipping trash and I want Catra to observe two things.

The first is that Adora looks really cool in this new outfit. Also Adora’s hair is down because I like it that way. She has a new sword, one that’s just a sword and not a She-Ra sword. This one is just for wrecking shit. The second is that Adora is way better at fighting than Catra expected and when Catra expresses this sentiment Glimmer just looks at her like she’s fucking dumb and says something along the line of “I kind of assumed you were the brains of the Hoard, but you’re dumber than I thought if you think that Adora was ever ACTUALLY trying to hurt you.” Followed by, “It’s a shame you didn’t return the sentiment.” And then you get this moment of Catra just watching Adora being really kick ass, coming to terms with the fact that Adora never fought ALL OUT against Catra the way she is against Hoard Prime, like, Adora never tried to murder Catra. And then the last part of Glimmer’s statement sinks in and then Catra notices the claw marks scarred down Adora’s shoulderblades. The ones that she put there, because even if Adora never really tried to hurt Catra, Catra sure as hell never held back on her. And then Catra feels like shit because while I absolutely love her to pieces, she’s been kind of horrible and I want her to suffer a little more before her redemption. 

See why the backless top was necessary? Yep. Good. 

Anyway, predictably Bow lowers the barrier and they join the fight. Maybe Adora takes a bad hit and then Catra catches her or soemthing. The two look at eachother, both realizing that it’s been too long since they fought on the same side, but also silently acknowledging how good it feels. This is meant to foreshadow Catra eventually joining the good side permanantly. They all fight Hoard Prime and maybe the other princesses join in, but since this isn’t the final episode  (Maybe like episode 4 or so?) they don’t defeat him. But they DO do some damage and excape back to Etheria. 

5. This one fits in somewhere before the last point but idk where exactly. Honestly it’s not even important where this snippet goes but at some point Hoard Prime reads Catra’s mind. I don’t know if cannonically he can only read his clone’s minds, but clearly I’m not writing for the show okay, this is my pointless headcanon. I don’t even know the context but Glimmer is there too and Hoard Prime, maybe having grown suspicious of Catra’s loyalty, reads her mind and just drags her. He kind of taunts her for beign sad that her “mother never loved you” to which she snaps like “Shadow Weaver is NOT my mother.” And he just tuts and is like “But it feels like she is.”  And then they get to Adora  and Catra says something about hating her and he calls her out on it like, “Hm no, that’s not quite right is it? No, you love her quite a bit” And then he does that villain thing where they’re kind of talking to themself while filing through your thoughts and it’s like “She would be like your sister after all but oh, whats this? Oh, so not like a sister after all.” And he like, puts her on blast for being in love with Adora. And she denies it and he replies with “A shame you don’t actually mean half the things you say.”

Meanwhile Glimmer is there witnissing it because I don’t know if you can tell yet but like, I really want her to have a better understanding of Catra. I want Catra to understand Glimmer too, but I feel like that’s possible without physically dragging the truth from her like.... she’s not in a great place mentally but no one is worse than Catra, lets be real.

That’s absolutely the most self indulgent part of this entire mile-long post and I don’t even know what you’re doing still reading this. But if you were wondering what I imagine going down, it’s this.

All my imaginings end in Catradora, because I am shipping trash.

So like, if anyone wants to write this out just tag me so I can see it, because I’d love to read it. But if not? Totally understandable. I’m more suprised you read it all because it is 100% a  self-indulgent conglomoration of all my favorite tropes, shoved together whether they make sense or not. 

[wallyaxiom]

lose you to love me

t a g g i n g → wally axiom, josh axiom, jim hawkins and him

t i m e  f r a m e → present

l o c a t i o n →  wally’s apartment

n o t e s → i guess this is sort of therapy for both wally and i to release a lot ??? that’s been held inside for sometime ??? like actually releasing it into the abyss and letting it stay there forever and stop dwelling on it. idk a tik tok told me to let go of things so here we are. anyways i’m in pain as per usual 

You p r o m i s e d the world and I fell for it I put you first and you adored it Set fires to my forest And y o u let it burn

Wally had been through a lot in his twenty five years of living on this earth. he had lived through wondering why his birth parents had given him up, believing he had never been good enough. He lived through being not good enough for the Axioms and his own parents at time. He lived through the BNL gang and the abuse Runt subjected him to. They had lived through so much pain and heartache that when he showed up Wally believed that he had finally been gifted their happily ever after. But all his dragons weren’t slayed. in fact, more appeared into his life because of said knight in shining armor. 

Wally didn’t allow themselves to think about it. Like most things in life, it was shoved into the back of his mind left there to wilt and eventually fade with everything else they wanted to forget. There was a lot there, perhaps it was too full that this was the reason why these memories in particular kept rearing their ugly head. The night of their fight, their divorce, the day everything he knew for years finally falling apart. Those familiar feelings still lingered within his body, tainting his soul the same way they did back then. Wally felt like he needed to take a bath in that instance or anytime he thought about it but he knew no matter how many times the water washed over skin he couldn’t scrub him out. Wally knew exactly what was spawning these exact thoughts. It was his dreams finally coming true. For the longest time Well felt as though he didn’t deserve to have them. No, he was left to rot in a gilded cage provided by his ex-husband. a cage that was built around false hopes, lies, manipulation and gaslighting. 

Their relationship wasn’t always like this. In the beginning it was actually magical. Wally fell head over heels for him. they were so young, naive and so desperate to be loved. He believed he had found a soulmate in this person - a forever. It felt so right. Everyone believed they were the perfect couple and maybe they were for a while but that public image wasn’t the truth behind close doors. even now people ask what went wrong because to someone on the outside looking in everything seemed so fine. if only they knew. 

currently, wally was sitting outside smoking a cigarette. He stopped smoking them when he was seventeen. They’d like to say it was for their health but it’s actually because he told him to stop because he didn’t like it. He told Wally to stop doing a lot of things they enjoyed because they didn’t coincided with what he liked or what he wanted wally to be. So, Wally was smoking this one out of spite because he could do it now without being reprimanded or deemed a bad person but fuck did this cigarette taste awful. He couldn’t finish the damn thing and ended up chucking it to the ground, stepping on it afterwards to extinguish it. A little too forcefully at that. Watching the smoke float from the ground, wally was reminded of a old friend. a friend who meant everything to them. they used to do things like this together. this friend was someone who was like a brother to wally and maybe he did develop some romantic feelings for them in the long run. maybe because he could be himself around this person when his boyfriend expected him to be this person he wasn’t. maybe he developed feelings for this person because they knew he hated their friendship. Maybe because there was a lack of trsut from the start so why not do what was being perceived? maybe Wally had been doing this out of spite to this person from the start without even knowing it. He was only seventeen at the time. he was a broken mess recovering from a lot. Honestly, Wally was on a path of self destruction at that age so the feelings could have stemmed from that as well. Regardless of where they came from his outlet was ripped away from him. The friendship wasn't ended on his terms. No, it was out of jealousy. But of course the friendship would still live on in gulting words from his husband. A constant reminder that was held over his head despite it happening years ago. A way to guilt him to get wally to things for his husband. and maybe wally would give him that one. They weren’t exactly in the right there but still the pattern of losing friends was something that continued until the once social butterfly had no one but him to turn to. 

❝ You wanna know why I stick around?  Because I thought things would change, how many times have to told you I didn’t like how things were going and you didn’t do a damn thing to change any of it, you go and make it worse. ❞

The biggest loss they probably suffered throughout that relationship was Eve. She had been there long before him but she didn’t get the chance to stay in Wally’s life. she was shoved out once the two had gotten together. Her name that once brought so much joy and love was tainted with anger and bitterness that didn’t necessarily stem from him. They were perfectly placed and soon festeresr into something that didn’t belong to wally but him because he expected wally to feel the same way about eve that he did. 

❝ Well now that you’ve come out and said it, I’m gonna have to agree with you, this relationship is pointless when you think about it.  I want to leave because I just need to get away, I’ve had enough of all the shit that happens here.  Yeah, thanks for telling me about Eve coming back, with me gone you can just go back to her like you’ve been wanting to ever since she left. ❞

❝ No I’m pretty sure you broke up with me, you made that painfully obvious by the way you talk.  Really, I should be asking you those questions, you shouldn’t be asking me them. ❞

❝ Wally, I should be the one who believes you, but I just can’t, the way you are with her, hell even the way you are with Jafar, I just can’t.  If you can remain close friends with an ex you either are still in love with them or never were, and it sure as hell isn’t the second one.  I was willing to die for you and I almost did and you repaid me by trying to kill yourself and this. I love you more than you could possibly imagine but it just feels pointless half the time because I know you’re torn. ❞

Wally was never torn. The moment he picked him his heart was set on him. Eve became an ex and old friend but apparently she couldn’t be anything to Wally so that’s when she became nothing. Someone who had been with him for years soon because nonexistent in his life. As for his attempted suicide? Well, that had nothing to do with him either. it came from life leaving him hollowed and broken but of course everything had to revolve around him. Anything that was remotely wally’s always came back to him. Nothing could ever just be his. The moment they said ‘I do’ suddenly they became this morphed being of just one human. Wally wasn’t allowed to be his own entity. they were his husband’s property and at times that’s what he felt like. an object. Their breath hitched in their throat as the phantom touches of him graced his, waist, his hips and then some. The pulling. The grasps. The glares at others whenever someone would get too close. The overprotectiveness that was perceived as love but really it was possessiveness. The way their relationship became too physical that wally felt like a piece of meat at times. objectified. The way he felt used. Their body used. Their entire being used for him. but when wally tried to express themselves he was labeled a slut. he was shamed. their son was brought into it as another guilting factor to hold over wally’s head and god forbid their son ever seen their parent in the light that he did. 

Josh.

It was the only good thing that came out of their years together. Joshua Matthew Axiom was the light of Wally’s life. Perhaps the rest of the love they had for one another was used for that sweet little boy. It wasn’t just Wally who was affected by the storm he made. Josh was left in the aftermath as well but Wally didn’t allow his son to feel like he wasn’t good enough or it was his fault. He didn’t blame his son for halting his dreams. He allowed his husband’s dreams to blossom while he waited in the wings waiting for his chance to finally make his own dreams come true but that’s impossible when you’re put in the place of a stay at home parent. Wally refused to let Josh be tainted by him the way he had tainted them. Josh was too pure, too perfect, and too good for this world to ever feel the way Wally had felt. He’d be damned if he allowed it to never happen. Josh was Wally’s one perfect thing. The one thing in life he felt he had gotten right. Being a parent gave them purpose. It gave them hope and a light he thought was long extinguished. He wanted to be better for his son. He needed to be better for his son and by doing that he had to finally face the problems he had buried deep within. 

❝ I might always have shit to do, but I’ve always found a way to make time for you, but you never let me do anything that didn’t benefit you outright. ❞

with heavy footsteps, wally led himself back into his apartment

❝ I guess this is all my fault because I tried to spoil my boyfriend and husband.  But none of it is ever enough is it?  You constantly took me away from my schoolwork and yes sometimes I could multitask, but you should’ve understood that sometimes I have other things that are important too, not just you. ❞.

They stood there in the doorway for a minute. Blinking those long lashes of his against his golden skin. He hadn’t realized he had been crying until he felt the dampness coat his lashes. 

❝ We will lose everything if I lose this, but whatever, apparently that’s not important. ❞

In that moment all the pain they had been harboring for a year finally released. he didn’t cry when they fought. he didn’t cry when he filed for divorce. he didn’t cry when he left. but right now a sob wracked through his body that left wally hunching onto the floor, folding into himself as he bawled his eyes out in a way he hadn’t in a long time. For years he believed it was his fault. That all of the problems stemmed from him. Maybe if he had been a better partner things would have been better but it took wally a year to realize there was nothing he could do to change his ex-husband. He needed to fix himself and wally couldn’t do it. Wally wouldn’t do it. He needed to heal himself and that’s what he was doing. Healing. 

Wally was covered in scars he did nothing to earn but maybe there was a lesson to be learned. A lesson of self worth, value and love. A much needed lesson that Wally needed to learn. he couldn’t keep being dependent on people and giving all of themselves to people who didn’t care nor deserve his kindness. As much as he wanted to hate him Wally couldn’t. He resented him, sure, but hate is something his tiny body was incapable of. He was someone who was easy to forgive. This time was different though. His ex wouldn’t get the satisfaction of knowing if he was ever forgiven.

Wally didn’t know how long he had been crying. They were still curled up into themselves when their heard small footsteps pad against the floor in their direction.

“Papa?” the soft, angelic voice called.

Wally’s head lifted instantly, his forearms wiping away any remnants of tears that stained his cheeks. “Hi, honey.” they spoke softly to their son. They opened their arms wide and on cue the five year old ran into their parents arm hugging him tight. Wally buried his nose into the soft tuff of brunette locks before him holding his son close. In that moment it was as if every bad feeling that had erupted from him soon faded into the abyss. He felt lighter holding his son there in his arms. 

“Why are you crying?” the child asked, his voice muffled from wally’s embrace.

“Oh, I was just thinking about somethings but i’m okay now. I promise.” Everything was okay now. it had been for a long time and Wally had to remind himself of that. The hard times were long behind him. A new chapter was waiting to be written but it couldn’t be if he kept dwelling in the past. 

“Why don’t we watch some movies, huh? i’ll make popcorn, a tent and everything.”

“Can we invite Jim?”

their heart stopped. fluttered even.

“yes, baby. we can invite Jim.”

he became even lighter at that. Wally didn’t jump back into dating. In fact, they were fine being on their own. they had to learn to be fine on their own instead of feeling the need to have someone give them love. He had to find it within himself first before he went searching for it in someone else. they he came skating into his life and flipped his entire world upside down. This solar flare that burned so brightly that left him blinded and breathless. Someone respectful, kind and wonderful. He felt too good to be true but Jim restored Wally’s faith. He didn’t fix wally. No, wally did that on his own. But Jim reminded him that he deserved someone who treated him like human. They weren’t together but Wally would be lying if he said he didn’t feel something for him. It wasn’t love just quite yet. There was no rush to fall in love this time. instead, Wally chose to enjoy every little moment and if it happened then it happened if it didn’t, well, he was happy to have Jim in his life to teach him another valuable lesson about self worth. 

They healing wasn’t done. it wouldn’t would end in that moment of release but it was a start. It was a start for Wally to move on and allow themselves to be happy for the opportunity to be given. To feel like they deserved this and so much more. To be happy with themselves in general and look at life with the glass half full again and not empty. The cage that once trapped him was long broken. He felt more integrated with people again. He felt safe to have friends once again and all of it felt all too amazing to even describe. Wally was starting to feel like the person who had stepped foot into Elias seven years ago. A wide-eyed wanderer who, yes, was a little ripped at the edges but still had so much hope and love to give. 

He was becoming Wally Axiom again and no one could take that away from them.

Not again.