#idk I just want school to leave me alone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fritzes · 7 days ago

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I just want to be someone’s first choice

#and I can’t even tell anyone irl about it because that feels like guilt tripping and I don’t want to do that #but like I don’t know. I want people to think of me when making plans #or just remember to include me #and to not pair off and leave me alone #idk. it feels like I’m still in high school sometimes

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luciality · 1 month ago

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i miss being hikineet life was less miserable then.

#genuinely less depressing. idk i just dont think im meant to be a person #i cant fucking talk to people without having an autistic sperg out and humiliating myself #i just want to not fail ONCE just fucking once but i cant #whatever. little nurse should be arriving soon.#burando will keep me alive burando is my will to live.#i miss working retail yeah it was shitty and i had fucking meltdowns but not as often as i do in school #plus when i was the only one at the store i could read or crochet or just generally slack off and tell customers to go fuck themselves.#now prof is gonna act like its high school and get mad at me for sleeping in class once like bro cmon im eepy leave me alone #if i fail thats my problem if im wasting money thats my problem mind ur own business.#she went fucking camping over the weekend thats what she was busy with. all i did was see a play and go to the club.#i fucking. did chores and ran errands and shit. did some lame and gay computer shit.#plus im really nauseous rn so like.#im just in a horrible mood and a horrible way and i wish life could be just a little bit easier just a little bit

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chaoswillcalmusdown · 2 months ago

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operation "how much estrogen leeway do we have" has commenced and it's only been 2 days but i'm so frustrated my muscles are still acting like they've been through a marathon

#the past month has been trash and i've spent sooo many work days at home already this year #operation estrogen might fail which would leave us in an interesting place bc idk what the fuck he's gonna try next #except for a more radical surgery #which like. i'm down but endo seems to never get properly treated on surgery alone #though i guess mine might be if they surgically remove everything necessary to get rid of my periods #i'm just like #so frustrated by the way this takes time #and my endo is still like. comparatively not bad. and i've not struggled with it that long #relatively speaking #hiding from work helps a tad until i then have to return to work after an absence #i feel guilty about not being at work but i also just really want to have arms that don't feel like lead #i want to have energy for one after work activity once in a while #and like. my doctor is determined to get me there #they all keep telling me that it is important that i'm good and not just surviving #i'm just really tired #and i have to speak to the counselor tomorrow which #is good and mature but i truly don't fucking want to #i have fridays off to 'get more rest' but like #i do one thing on the weekend and it knocks me the fuck out #traitorous goddamn body #we shall see what the counselor says before i message my endo doctor agAIn but i don't think i'm any more capable of working full weeks #now than i was 4 weeks ago #i haven't worked a full week in the 6 weeks since school came back #rip to me #😔#some day my whiny text posts will be but a memory #i say as if i have any faith

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studying-space-of-annie · 7 months ago

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I hate the people from my school so much.

#im lucky enough to not get bullied but still occidentally face what can only be described as Bullying But Very Subtle #i hate those “popular” girls sm man i hope they fucking die #i hate them i hate them i hate them #why wont they just fucking leave me alone #fucking hell #wanted to fucking cry at school 2day #they keep tryna get a reaction outta me and i try so hard to not give them the satisfaction #why are they like this like geniunely what is wrong with them #i was having a decent day and they fucking ruined it #i hate venting on tumblr but hey this blog only has like 2 followers who are both my mutuals so shrug emoji #wish someone would jus hug me n tell me it's gonna be okay #annie yaps #annie vents #tw vent #cw vent #cw bullying #tw bullying #<- kinda?#idk

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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...

#if u r curious abt following the saga that is my life:#i did finally accept an official offer from a school this afternoon. which is a huge relief and really exciting #and for once i think i did something that will b good for me in mind and body lol bc i think i could b happy with any of the places i #applied to but this program is most geared to my interests and its in a place where i think i can have fun due to the accessibility #of nature and the mountains haha. like at rutgers i think i could have got a good education and had a lot of opportunities but i think it #would have crushed my soul a lil bc it would b more high pressure and in the city. ya kno? so i hopefully i dont regret the choice lol #i still have to wait on the offical acceptance stuff but now at least i can allow myself to get excited abt the potential project and start #researching. which i mean ill have 5yrs of a phd for that but idk im excited and my life feels so empty and meaningless rn ive gotta take #the excitement where i can haha #anyway housing is gonna b a bitch bc there arent a lot of places available in grad student price ranges in the city to the point where they #said so in the official offer rip. and i have to decide when im leaving the southwest bc i could stay til August or leave in july and take #like a whole almost 2 months to just not b doing anything for a sec. and my dad was like !!! u could go to the crazy state parks #or drive out to the pacific northwest! and that would b amazing but also that sounds so scary to do on my own lol #like i dont wanna b missing and murdered as a youngish non guy traveling alone #but i could do it if i tried im sure. anyway i just wanted to let yall kno #bc im so doom and gloom on here all the time but a transition period is looming so im only stuck here for a few more months #and hopefully itll b a page turn into a happier place haha #watch out yellowstone cyanobacteria. im coming for u >:-]#knock on wood. ya kno. just in case #hhhh at least i can breathe a lil better now i have a direction #unrelated

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prismatica-the-strange · 6 months ago

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Nope, I'm still crying

#i wish literally anybody from school remembered me #literally only 2 people i was friends with hace talked to me in the past four years #i had the realization tonight that i was never given the choice to nurture most of my friendships #everytime i tried outside of school hours including trying to join clubs my mom would make me leave halfway through then lecture me #that she didn't have time to drive to town and get me #but as soon as my brother wanted to join junior air force she suddenly had all the time and energy in the world to devote to that #so what I'm getting here is that my friendships and interests weren't important enough or worth her time #i wasn't interested in Junior air force 1 cause it wasn't offered to me and 2 I'm not a boit licker #no #i was interested in the video game and board game clubs cause my friends were in them and they WANTED me to join #but after not getting to stay for more than one full session after a month i left the board game club cause it wasn't fair to the others #and i only went to the video game clu once and i don't remember much of it cause i was too anxious that she was gonna flip on me #i kept waiting for her text but instead she showed up at the classroom and made me leave #so when the same teacher that ran the board game club asked if i wanted to join the chess club cause he knew i liked chess #i told him i couldn't cause i was too busy because i didn't want to deal with begging my mom to let me join #she would have said yes but would have continued not letting me stay and being super passive aggressive #I'm not even in the year book for the year my friends graduated #the one thing she did let me do was drama and i hated every second of it. it was genuinely a bad experience for me #yeah i had friends in drama but it's not the same as hanging with my nerdy guy friends playing a star wars ttrpg #the worst part is she gets so defensive when i bring it up and won't give me a reason outside of 'I guess I'm just the worst parent'#it's in those moments i really remember she's the youngest in her family #OH!! it gets worse! she told me when i was younger that she had to be an honorary cheer leader cause HER MOM absolutely refused to #let her join cheer and she's alsways been bitter about it but then she turns around and did basically the same thing to me ffs #at least she was allowed to hang out with people after-school i wasn't allowed to do that either #no. instead i spent the hours after shcool alone most days and my weekends home alone in my room. and she wonders why my social skills are #maybe if I'd been allowed to work on my relationships outside of a classroom i wouldn't have felt so abandoned when everyone i knew #graduated without me. maybe if i didn't have to start back at square one socially again and had people to text and hang with after class #i wouldn't have dropped out. and i think only atlas knows i dropped out. idk how to text these people without spunding like I'm looking for #sympathy when they ask what I'm up to. like yeah I'm stuck at home with an anxiety disorder and unemployed trying to get on disability #prisma vents

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im-dirtydan · 9 months ago

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My ex roomie used to shove his junji ito collection on me cause he thought I would like it but I never read them

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laylanatorseventeen · 1 year ago

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God, its insane how autistic people are supposed to be the ones unable to pick up on social cues.

I, autistic, when someone is not displaying active interest in what I'm saying: oh my fucking God they don't care. They hate me. I am a burden to society. Luckily I never talk about something I am truly invested about to people outside my family.

And yet at every job I've ever had at LEAST one coworker, usually female, has decided that I am the perfect sounding board for every problem they have, both at work and at home. They will bitch and bitch and bitch at me and the entire time I'm standing there in silence like

And it apparently NEVER occurs to them that my silence and expression of total indifference means that I don't care and don't want to hear. Like!!! Bruh!!!! If I TOLD you I don't care then you'd go around telling everyone what a mean bitch I am, but all these precious Social Cues I'm supposed to be unable to recognize are FAILING TO PENETRATE YOUR SKULL. and the worst is when they seem irritated that I'm not UPSET ALONG WITH THEM. like girl I do not know how to tell you that I don't care that you dropped your apple watch and it broke. Its not my watch. Sorry that it's just not that deep to me. Ok, like five years ago they took away your key to the gate and told you that you were lucky you still had a job. Ok. Sorry, but I'm just like not that fucking invested idk what the hell you want me to do.

That's another thing that sucks about being back in the garden center is that I'm back to being The Bitching Post. Like girl I DO NOT CARE. We are not friends. We are coworkers.

#laylavents #ITS SO FRUSTRATING.#and sometimes this shit would even happen to me IN SCHOOL. a couple times i randomly had someone come up and just start telling me about #their fuckin problems and it's like bro leave me alone???? idk what the FUCK you expect me to do with this shit #and like the apple watch scenario....i did the Appropriate thing which was to go Oh Man That Sucks #but this chick just kept staring angrily at me like I BROKE HER WATCH OR SOMETHING and kept repeating that it was broken #like bitch what you want me to do?? cry??? rush off to buy you a replacement? not gonna happen what do you WANT #but that woman was weird and over aggressive anyway. noone was real sad when she got fired (finally)

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robotpussy · 1 year ago

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one of these days i'm going to kill myself

#this anxiety is not worth living with im sorry like why am i crying over the thought of having to go out during the day #always ignored when i go out apparently im not approachable idk wtf im supposed to do to seem approachable #everybody makes me nervous i wish i could say i liked meeting new ppl but my stupid brain convinces me that everybody #that interacts with me automatically hates me. i wont say ppl hate me but i can say they always want to #leave me alone after a while :/#everything makes me want to kill myself. cleaning the house. doing school work. even doing things for myself #just miserable just annoying just i don't want to do this anymore im so sick of it i literally am

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year ago

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ok yakuza 6 spoilers and not a very insightful post but every time i remember how young haruka is when she has haruto i get sooo nervous lol. she's like NINETEEN. what the FUCKK

#i know conceptually that ppl have kids that young but.woah #i guess it didnt happen a lot in the ppl i went to school with/i didnt pay that much attention to it/stigma led to minimization of it #like she has to take care of a whole baby now. she has to be a mother and take on the kinda role kiryu had #while also kinda managing the orphanage relatively alone bc kiryu bailed. wtf wtf #idk. i think im kinda squeamish about pregnancy in general a little? but especially that young like.ough #good or bad wanted or not having a kid is a big fucking deal and it scares me a little idk. especially since haruto WAS unintentional #like whats she gonna do for a job. she probably cant do college soon (if ever) and shes probably blacklisted from showbiz entirely #so even if she wanted to do behind the scenes work she couldnt #even with yuta's help it'd be a stretch. and then theres rhe other orphans i just. hhhhh aughhhh #man taking care of a baby was hard enough for kiryu and he's like ok teenage daughter. im going hands off like WHAT #i think the ending choices of 6 are fascinating and theres a lotta reasons to criticize kiryu within that but leaving her with effectively #7 younger siblings and a baby is one i dont see talked about enough tbh #rgg #its SCARY. I'M SCARED.#im sooo fucking worried about my future and haruka's looks even more terrifying to me so it just activates shit in my brain

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teruthecreator · 1 year ago

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trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard

#in neg city #they were rlly like ‘we can’t force you’ but then just kept fucking talking about it #even as i’m crying and saying no no i don’t want to go i’m not going i really don’t want to #and like. idk. when ur sister gets sent to the psych ward at a pivotal point in ur childhood #and that subsequent action adds onto the trauma u were already experiencing at that point like idk man! maybe going to the psych ward would #in fact be very very bad!!!#like any time i think abt the psych ward i think abt my sister one day just disappearing from the house. i think about when the doctors #withheld my letters and i thought my sister either hated me or was fucking dead. i think about having to hide all this agony behind polite #smiles while i was also being bullied mercilessly at school and my CHOIR TEACHER WAS DYING OF CANCER #i think abt the car ride when my aunt told me and my brother that she had to go back in #i think of empty houses and missing places at the dinner table and arguments and so many fucking arguments #i cant go into the psych ward i won’t. and it just felt like that’s all they wanted me to do #and then it became well michelle how do u want us to help u? LEAVE ME ALONE #THATS HOW U HELP. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME FIGURE IT OUT #i get rlly overwhelmed and stressed when too many people are trying to butt their heads in #and i know they mean well but it just feels like they’re both gonna become mom and i’m not talking to mom for THIS EXACT REASON #idk i just don’t think they can help. i get that they’re rlly worried but i can’t let them help i don’t know what they could do #and they wanna talk about this again tomorrow so now i don’t wanna sleep bc i don’t want tomorrow to happen #but i don’t have anything to do bc i’m in such a terrible mood #i rlly wish i wasn’t alive sometimes #clearly i’m putting too much stress on my siblings and mom is probably worried sick but i’ll never kno bc we aren’t talking #i’m just ruining everyone’s life i rlly shouldn’t be on this planet anymore

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vampyrluver · 1 year ago

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-_- every time i talk w my dad it just turns into him begging me to change the way that i am and it actually gets on my nerves lilke its been really upsetting me lately